#somehow i ended up revisiting it every three years...

[neroowuu]

maka they could never make me hate you

yeah anyways this was actually supposed to be a redraw of this ⬇️

buuut i may have went a bit ham

[hannie-dul-set]

나비 / NABI — [preview].

SYNOPSIS. in which you’re trying your damned best to willfully ignore your feelings for your friend of over twenty years, but— as always— life seems to have a different plan paved out for you.

PAIRING. choi beomgyu x female! reader. GENRE. childhood friends to not quite friends (derogatory) to not quite friends (endearment) to lovers, romance, humor, hurt/comfort but more on comfort, coming of age, slowburn, college! au, “it’s always been you” trope, pining, tons of denial, beomgyu is the only man ever, featuring a large ensemble of idols from various groups. WARNINGS. swearing, mentions of sex, hospital scare, ghosting, rumors as a plot device, what may be considered as bullying, mc refuses to monologue about her feelings, the works. WORD COUNT. preview: 1.2k words | full fic: est. 30k.

RELEASE DATE. end of may or within the month of june. TAGLIST. send an ask/dm/reply to be added.

NOTE. this is a sequel to 모기 / MOGI. remember when i said i wasn’t planning on writing a part two to this? haha, remember? well, this might be my best work yet gosh darn, life works in mysterious ways! i poured my entire fucking soul into this! 

something i’d like to mention is that i’ve already planned out this entire sequel before beomgyu’s sukidakara cover came out, before i revisited his other two covers. the timing was crazy because there’s three major arcs to this fic— and somehow, all three songs fit the themes. really really well i started crying at some point HAHAHAHAHHA. there’s so much i want to say about this story, but i’ll bite my tongue until its release. enjoy!

preview under the cut.

YOU STILL DON’T LIKE CHOI BEOMGYU. Ever since you and he reconciled and publicly became friends again, your life has never known quiet— all thanks to the countless insects constantly buzzing around him, and by consequence around you, every damn day. And it’s not like you can keep avoiding him. Choi Beomgyu has made the executive decision to take advantage of the guilt you’ve been feeling, so for the past month, you’ve been a slave to his whims. 

Responding to 3AM ice cream runs even though you’re swamped with assignments. Going to parties hosted by people you don’t know the fucking names of because he keeps calling you a boring loser. And, the cherry on top, having to deal with Lee Heeseung’s even more annoying presence, just like how you’d predicted he’d behave if he ever finds out you and Beomgyu are friends.

Which he did. Much to your despair and agony.

“Beomgyu, your girlfriend’s here to see you.”

Case in point. You spare him nothing but an eye roll when he lets you in the clubroom for the, ahem, coding club. You’re here because Beomgyu texted you to fetch him a matcha latte and since you’re playing as his slave at the moment (and until your patience runs out), you obliged out of the kindness of your heart, only to get a truckload of teasing in return.

“Oh, hey, what’s up,” Yeonjun throws you a peace sign from their worn out sofa by the door the moment you enter. He’s accompanied by a good number of chip bags on the cushions.

“Hey,” Hanbin greets you as well when you pass by their alleged meeting table. Which, by the way, has stacks of leftover takeout containers and some empty, some half-empty plastic jugs of water. “Beomgyu is on the computer.”

“Thanks,” you tell him. This clubroom is a fucking gremlin hole.

“You know what.” Your path towards Choi Beomgyu is interrupted by Hyunjin, suddenly popping out of the half-wall separating the lounge area from the computers at the back. You jump, because what the fuck? “My heart races everytime you come here. I still get flashbacks from the day you threatened to wreck our safe haven. I think you gave me PTSD.”

Ah, yes. That day. That was eventful. It was the first time you’ve seen Choi Beomgyu cry.

“Serves you right, gossip snorter,” you say. “Out of the way, I have business to deal with.”

Hyunjin indeed gets out of your way, and there he reveals a row of four computers lined up against the wall with their assigned nerds mashing on the keyboards and yelling profanities at matching game screens. You zero in on the one on the far left corner. Surprisingly, Beomgyu is relatively calm compared to the others. You tap on his shoulder. Beomgyu turns his head around.

“Oh,” he says, pulling his office chair back from out of the desk with a swivel while removing the headphones from his ears and letting them rest around his neck. You notice Jeongin seated beside him, who looks up at you only for a moment only to flinch back to the screen. “You’re here?”

No, shit. You jangle the latte in front of his face, head cocked, and he reaches out for it. But then you quickly jerk back your hand before he can snatch it from you. “Nuh-uh. Pay up.”

“Tch,” Beomgyu clicks his tongue and shoots you a bitter look. “Hyung, can you toss me my jacket?”

Someone from behind does indeed toss him his jacket, and at that very moment as well, Heeseung decides that it’s a great time to indulge in his newly founded hobby. “Hey, how about me? Why didn’t you get me a drink?” He joins the already crowded crevice in the back and swings an arm around your shoulder. “You get a boyfriend and forget all your friends. Have you forgotten that you two got together because of me? I’m hurt, I’m so hurt.”

Your face scrunches up. “Literally, how many times do I have to tell you he’s not my boyfriend.” You elbow Heeseung off, eliciting another whine from him. When your eyes snap back at Beomgyu, you see that he’s preoccupied with going through wallet. You kick his chair. “Say something, dipshit.”

Beomgyu hands you a bill and exchanges it with the matcha latte. You wait for him to speak. He takes a long sip, pulls his face away from the straw with a grimace, hands back the drink to you, then says, “What she said.”

You look at him, drink now back in your hands.

“What the fuck?”

“Keep it,” he says, putting his headphones back on. “Don’t you have class?”

Your jaw clenches. Fucker made you run an errand for nothing. He gives you an asshat smile of goodbye then spins his chair back to his computer. You scoff and smack the back of his head, causing his headphones to slip off. “Bye.”

“Hey!”

“Later,” Heeseung bids you off, and it’s followed by a chorus of goodbyes from the inhabitants of the testosterone infested, stinky gamer cave. Seriously, every time you drop by here,, you feel an ounce of your soul shriveling up and rotting away. Yeonjun very politely opens the door for you. You hear one of them yell out before you leave.

“Come over tomorrow. Hanbin hyung’s treating us to pizza!”

And with that, you’re finally free, matcha latte in hand and a desire to breathe in some fresh air. You’re pretty sure the air is polluted in there. But still, it’s been a lot easier to breathe recently than when you two weren’t on good terms.

“Saved you a seat.”

You make it to class two minutes before the schedule. Minjeong proudly taps on the seat next to her, and you take the invitation. “As you should,” you hum, taking out your notes from your bag, and not long after Sungchan arrives and lands on the spot next to you.

It’s the week before finals. Prof Shin starts the class and decides to fuck all of your study schedules by giving a last minute assignment due next week as well. 

“Does this guy want to give us depression before the summer or some shit?” Minjeong complains the moment your professor leaves the lecture hall.“I swear to god, if another prof gives us an assignment due over the break, I’m killing myself.”

“You two have plans over the break?” asks Sungchan, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and the three of you head out for lunch, funneling out into the hallway along with the rest of your blockmates.

“I’m going home,” says Minjeong.

“I have summer classes,” you answer..

Sungchan stops in his tracks. “You serious?” 

“Yup.”

“You bet on it.”

He looks at the both of you like you’re a bunch of withering old ladies and he’s very much unimpressed. “Make some time for the last week. I’m throwing the wildest summer rager and you two can’t miss it.”

You’re pretty sure you replied with something along the lines of an agreement, but you’re not quite sure. The thought completely slips out of your head throughout the next week because, well, finals. And before you know it, your first semester of uni comes to a close, and summer comes crashing in at full swing.

나비 / NABI. © hannie-dul-set, 2024.

[wintaerbaer]

things we don't say: part 6 (TEASER) (kth)

banner credit: @itaeewon

summary: Three years after graduating college, everything seems to be falling into place for you: stable job, cozy apartment, and a long-term boyfriend with a ring box hidden in his desk drawer. But when a mutual friend makes a remark that your best friend of nearly two decades is clearly in love with you, you realize that life may not be as simple as it seems.

pairing: Taehyung x Reader (with some VERY brief Seokjin x Reader and Yoongi x Reader)

rating: 18+ (MINORS DNI)

genres: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slooooow burn, angst, fluff

word count: 1.2k

teaser warnings: a very sad boy, references to sexual situations, brief mentions of child abuse, vomiting, someone has a wet dream, guilt, shame, a haircut

a/n: sincerest apologies that this series has gone so long without an update. i was struggling with some aggressive writer's block these past few months, but i think we're back in business! <3

PREVIOUS // SERIES MASTERLIST

To say he falls into a state of depression may be an understatement.

He barely eats, barely sleeps, and while Taehyung has always considered you to be the center of his universe—his entire being oriented to you like a star—you’ve begun to haunt him in ways that you never have before. Reminders of you creeping into every minute of his days.

It’s passing your favorite ramen place on his way home from a photoshoot. Or finding a can of your favorite sparkling water buried in the back of his fridge. Or flipping past the cooking show you used to watch together or stumbling upon one of your sweatshirts in his closet or the fact that he still has that damn photo of you hanging up behind his desk.

You’re everywhere—your being so deeply ingrained into his life that he couldn’t erase you even if he wanted to.

And he certainly doesn’t want to erase you; he’s too selfish for that. Even now, even after he’s fucked up to catastrophic degrees by forcing his feelings on you, he still can’t bear to face you directly. Because he knows it would be the end of him for you to reject and abandon him too, even if he can’t blame you for it.

It keeps him up at night, thinking about what he could’ve done differently. How he somehow lost his handle on the control which he has always internally prided himself on (sans a drunken conversation with Namjoon last year where he spilled his guts as was met with a lack of surprise on his friend’s part). He’s always promised himself that he would never burden you, that his love for you was not your responsibility but something for him to manage on his own.

And yet, with you sitting so close on the hotel bed—looking absolutely beautiful in your simple PJs even after he spent the day with you all dressed up—his defenses had crumbled the second you pressed into his side and asked him the final question of your fateful game.

How could he not kiss you then? How could he not give you what you asked of him when he wouldn’t hesitate to lay down his very life if you required it?

But still, he spends hours each night staring at the white expanse of his ceiling wishing he had held back like he always did. Years spent training himself to resist the way his blood calls out for you reduced to naught the second he got his first taste of your lips. And now you likely hate him.

And as if it’s not enough for his brain to put him through this nightly torture, the guilt eating him alive, when he finally does manage to scrounge up a few hours of sleep, there’s the matter of the dreams.

He revisits the hotel room every night. Can taste you again, hear your moans, feel your mouth on him and your warm skin underneath his hands as his mind drags him back through every minute detail on a loop. It’s agony, having to both wrangle with the knowledge of how it felt to be with you as well as face his sins every time he closes his eyes. Realize just how badly he fucked up when he wakes to once again find the other half of his bed empty.

Because in spite of him spending years convincing himself that you were never meant to be, there’s still a small part of Taehyung’s subconscious that’s always carved out space for you in his life. It’s the part that stocks your favorite drinks in his fridge, keeps that photo of you pinned behind his computer, leaves a side of the bed open for you because he became so damn accustomed to sleeping next to you in high school.

He’d found that the bruises from his father didn’t hurt as much when you were sitting next to him making him laugh in your bedroom. That his brain would quiet enough from the terrors to allow him to sleep if you were there lying next to him. That he didn’t feel the dull pain, only the gentle touches of your fingers, as you carefully applied makeup onto the dark patches of skin before school.

It had been easy, then, to dedicate himself to providing you with the same support and care you had shown him in any way he could. To wish for your happiness above all else—his guardian angel through and through.

At least, that is, until he lost control in that hotel room.

One night, after a particularly vivid dream involving your body under his, he awakes to sheets that are soaked around his middle. He blanches at the evidence of his body’s desire for you even now, the horror at the audacity of his unconscious mind causing bile to churn and rise in his throat.

He bolts for the bathroom, barely making it there before he empties the contents of his stomach into the toilet. His body shakes as he retches above the porcelain, guilt rattling his bones until he can hardly keep himself upright.

When the waves of nausea stop, when he can finally pull himself up to lean his elbows against the sink, he stares hard at the mirror and man he sees there.

He looks haggard, dark splotches sitting under his eyes and hair hanging limp around his face and over his forehead. The pale skin of his cheeks and lips is surely due, in part, to the vomiting, but there’s no denying that he’s a shell of his former self. A ghost just going through the motions of a past life.

And it’s there, peering through the darkness at his own reflection, that Taehyung decides he hates himself.

He’s not sure if it’s the raw disgust or the unrelenting shame that has him reaching for the hair clippers, but as his sable tresses begin to fall in chunks over the bathroom counter and floor, Taehyung thinks he deserves this.

He deserves the torment of his dreams. That disturbing combination of his wildest fantasies and nightmares rolled into one.

He deserves to wake up alone. To be reminded of his transgressions at the break of each day.

And he deserves to lose you.

Hell, he never deserved to have you.

The silence that follows the buzz of the trimmer seems at odds with the roaring in his head. Still, he manages to scoop the mess of hair into the trash before dragging himself back to the tangle of his sheets.

He finds himself right back in that cursed hotel room.

When he shuffles into the living room the next morning, still fighting the lingering tastes of bile and your lips, Jungkook and Jimin are already awake at the kitchen bar drinking coffee. They freeze at the sight of him; the pastry that Jimin was halfway to putting in his mouth hits the ground with a thud as Jungkook lets out a low whistle and simply shakes his head.

“That bad, huh?”

a/n: may or may not go back and revise this again for the final draft. in the meantime, a reminder that my ask box is always open! <3

[suzuran777]

Review: Shingakkou -Noli me tangere- (PIL/SLASH)

This is a game I've been wanting to replay for a long time! It has been 10 years, so I had a fun time revisiting it.

The story focuses on protagonist Michael, who's enrolled into a seminary. Excited to finally reunite with his family, Michael and his twin brother Gabby return home during their Christmas holiday, only to find out that someone has killed their parents and sister. To make things even more strange, they find a mysterious mark on the wall, written in their father's blood. Upon returning to the seminary, Michael discovers that this mark belongs to a secret society that exists in his very own school.

It turns out that this secret society is a group of devil worshippers called "Akahebi no Tsuichi" (soil of the red snake). After receiving some hints about how to join, Michael joins their group to find out the true identity of its members. During their first meeting, some of the voices sound familiar to characters you meet earlier in the game... I will try to avoid mentioning any big spoilers in this review because it's more fun to experience it yourself!

The first three routes follow a kind of similar story, you can choose between Leonid, Cecil or Neil. I personally think it doesn't really matter, so I started with Leonid's route. I ended up really liking him. At first he seems like a very serious character who has a lot of responsibilities, but later you learn he also has a different side. Michael often has to help him clean his room because Leonid has a habit of not organizing anything (to put it lightly...). When he does try to organize his belongings, Michael ends up finding shoelaces in tea cans and shirts stuffed in drawers... He's voiced by Midorikawa Hikaru who is in a lot of older BL games, so maybe I'm biased.

I guess it's important to mention that it definitely feels more like a horror game than a mystery game, so after playing the first route you kinda know what to expect from the next routes already, but it's still interesting to see how each character reacts to everything that happens in the game imo! I played Neil's route next, followed by Cecil's route. I thought Neil's personality was really fun, he teases Michael a lot but he also has a serious and caring side. I must admit that Cecil wasn't really my type, but he's Michael's closest friend and I'm sure there's many people out there who do enjoy childhood friend characters.

After playing the first three routes... it was time for August's route. And oh boy this is where things get a lot worse for Michael! I like how you can still choose who tops and bottoms by the way, which you can do for every character in this game. I remember I somehow didn't expect August of all characters to bottom LOL... I actually quite liked the ending because it's so different than the previous three routes. Some very cool symbolism at the end of his route too which is hard not to appreciate! August's route unlocks Gabby's route, which is the final route of the game.

So, one thing you immediately notice in the first routes is that not many people seem to talk to Gabby, he mostly chats with Michael. When him and Michael get too close to the lake, which is kind of a prohibited area to visit, only Michael gets scolded for being there. One of the only exceptions is when August talks to them, who mentions both of them. I promise everything does make sense eventually and I actually really liked Gabby's route and ending... It was also fun to learn more about the side characters!

I think it was interesting to see how the game handled topics like religion. I remember I wasn't sure if I would like a game with these kind of themes, but it was actually quite good. Even though the seminary has very strict rules, many of the students have different interpretations of what religion should mean to someone. In the end it turns out Leonid is not very religious at all and wants to create a world in which same-sex marriage is accepted, and even Neil, who's revealed to be a pastor in his own route, thinks it's fine that people sometimes question if God really exists. At the end of the game Michael also mentions that maybe the god they believe in isn't the one that is literally described in the bible, but that he still believes that there is something out there.

I thought the horror in this game was pretty well done too, not super scary but it never failed to surprise me. As the route progresses, Michael starts having more and more nightmares and hallucinations. Demons, bugs, ghosts etc. Some scenes have these "jumpscares" but I wouldn't say they're too bad. What caught me off guard is whenever the faces of the other characters became weirdly distorted, which was quite creepy.

I guess my only "complaint" would be that it's one of these games in which every route doesn't really have a completely different story, therefore it can get a bit tedious when you have to complete Leonid, Cecil and Neil's route before you can play August's route, which unlocks Gabby's route. I always try to play every route though, so for me it was no big problem.

I was actually surprised there's a completed Shingakkou manga which focuses on Neil's route! I think it has also been fan-translated, so if you do want to get a feeling what the game is like before playing it, it might be an option to read that instead. Shingakkou hasn't been translated into English, but it's very easy nowadays to download a tool like Textractor and to play it using machine translation. I definitely recommend checking it out yourself!

[qqueenofhades]

Heyy :)) I don't know if you still do prompts and if you do them for this ship but if yes could you please do 26. or 19. for Ivan x Fedyor? That'd be so lovely ♡ thanks a bunch and if not no worries!

Ivan has been staring at a pile of paperwork for almost three hours, the pain in his head feels like someone has driven a spike into his eye, and he really doesn't know why someone else couldn't do this. All right, they'd probably fuck it up and make him fix it anyway, they're not of sufficiently high rank to look at the Darkling's sensitive secrets and classified attack plans, and all other people are idiots etc. etc., but it still feels unfair for it to have fallen on him, particularly. They only got back from the latest Fjerdan campaign a few days ago, it went worse than expected, every strategy needs to be revisited and revised, and that has become, undoubtedly, Ivan's job, now that he's the unquestioned second-in-command of the entire Second Army, subordinate only to General Kirigan himself. He's not yet thirty.

He has just drawn a deep breath, angrily splashed the last of the kvas into his cup and taken a fortifying swig, and otherwise braced himself for another few hours of torture, when there's a knock on the antechamber door and -- barely waiting for an answer -- Fedyor Kaminsky rushes in. "Captain," he says, spotting Ivan and stopping to salute. "Good, you're here. You need to come with me at once."

"What?" Ivan jostles the desk, jumps to his feet, and looks around suspiciously, as if some malfeasant has breached the sancrosanct walls of the Little Palace and he needs to kill them immediately. "What is it?"

"You'll see." Fedyor tugs at him. "Hurry."

Ivan, swallowing his questions, abandons the paperwork without a backward glance and hurries out after Fedyor, already assessing the potential options. This seems bad, or at least urgent enough that it has to be handled with no delay. Has the tsar choked on a sweetmeat, or the tsaritsa stabbed herself with her embroidery needle, or some other pressing crisis that the fucking royal family feels the need to involve their pet Grisha in? Is it worse? Did something abruptly collapse from that underwhelming campaign? Did they decide that said underwhelming campaign was entirely Ivan's fault and throw him out of the order, thus to be packed back home to frigid Chernast in disgrace? Or maybe --

Apparently oblivious to Ivan's inner turmoil, Fedyor keeps up a brisk pace down the corridors, until they enter the library, ensure that the Apparat is not lurking moistly behind a nearby bookshelf, and hurry down the narrow rows to the end. Fedyor reaches around it, presses a hidden catch, and stands back as the shelf swings out, as smoothly as if it's on wheels. It reveals a narrow passage and set of twisting steps beyond, leading upward and out of sight, and Ivan frowns. "What's this? Is there someone up there? Is it a -- "

"Just shut up and go up there." Fedyor prods him in the back, a familiarity for which Ivan would definitely flay anyone else alive, but in the several years since he and Fedyor officially became a thing, he has grudgingly learned to accept. "Take a look."

Muttering, Ivan ducks under the low lintel and ascends the narrow, creaky steps, hands held vigilantly at the ready for anything that feels up to springing out of the darkness. There's nothing, though, and when he reaches the hidden nook at the top, lit only by a skylight somewhere high above, he turns in a circle and can't see any pressing emergency. "What's going on? Why did you -- "

He's cut off as Fedyor reaches the top, bounds into the small space after him, and seizes Ivan by the collar of his kefta, pushing him against the wall and kissing him thoroughly. Ivan splutters, makes a noise of extreme protest (okay, mild protest) and windmills his arms, but somehow manages not to break free or even push Fedyor away at all. He's still grumbling when Fedyor bites his lower lip, making him yelp, and then forced to focus on kissing him back. It's only when they've sunk to their knees on the floor, Ivan is mentally calculating how uncomfortable it really could be to lie on those floorboards, and still kissing in short, hungry bursts when he realizes the truth. "You little bastard, Fedya," he breathes. "You lied to me."

"Lied to you? About what?" Fedyor looks at him with that damn dark-eyed, dimpled smile for which Ivan is unbearably, ferociously weak. "I said you needed to come with me at once."

"For a military emergency! For -- I don't know, something! Not because you discovered an interesting door in the library and had a sudden urge to distract me!"

"Or. Counterpoint." Fedyor smirks, entirely unchastened. "I did, in fact, need to do exactly that. You're going to drive yourself crazy. Admit it, Vanya. You enjoyed this."

Ivan stares at him narrowly. Fedyor stares narrowly right back.

"Fine." Ivan wipes his mouth, bites a traitorous smile, and leans back in for another round. Whatever else it might be, life with Fedyor Kaminsky is never boring. "Maybe a very, very little."

[charcoalhawk]

Be still my beating heart

My second back up truce gift! This is for @timelessdp, so sorry this took so long!

I used this prompt: Phantom wasn’t Danny before the portal accident. He was Amity, younger Brother of Pariah Dark.

I had a ton of fun with this, and I hope to revisit this au at some point to explore more.

Warnings: brief description of injury

“Amity, it is ready.”

The faint sound of ticking alerts Amity to who entered his chambers before smoke whips out of frozen lungs.

“Thank you, Clockwork. With the sarcophagus finished we can finally look towards ending this.”

The Sarcophagus is their last chance, and even then its going to be a long shot. Amity’s brother is strong, but they have all the Ancients and Clockwork on their side.

“Are you sure it will actually work?”

Amity looks to one of his oldest friends, sees the anxiety they’re trying so hard to hide.

“It has to. Pariah has already caused so much destruction and misery across the infinite realms, if we don’t stop him now nothing will.”

Clockworks frown twists as he shifts rapidly between his three forms.

“I admire your confidence Amity, but-”

“I have full faith in your abilities, Timemaster, we will win.”

________________

They lose, badly.

Amity had known his brother was strong, Pariah Dark hadn’t gotten the moniker of ‘butcher’ when they had been alive for nothing. But this, several of the Ancients have been destroyed entirely, and Clockwork had been struck so horribly in the face that Amity thinks he might loose that eye.

Their attack had failed on every level. Pariah had clearly known they were coming, and once the fighting had started any sense of cohesion had left them, every ghost fighting only for itself.

The sword sinks deeper into Amity’s chest. The blade had nearly split his core in two, as is it’s held together by barely a thread.

“Kneel, brother.”

Pariah's voice is like thunder, demanding respect and attention from all.

“Never.”

His own voice quivers like a leaf in a storm even as he fights to look his brother in the eye.

This had been exactly why the plan had been to surprise and overwhelm Pariah, Amity had known in the depths of his core that they wouldn’t be able to beat his brother on an even playing field.

Pariah gestures with hand not wielding the sword, sweeping over the ruined battlefield.

“Look at what your foolishness had wrought, brother. Your ally’s lay decimated around you, and now you have forced me to expedite my plans.”

In an instant the sword is abruptly removed from Amity’s chest cavity, replaced by his brother's hand, using the gaping wound as a steady grip to heave Amity up.

“I should kill you here, traitor. But you will serve me much better by acting as an example.”

The next few seconds are a blur as Pariah strides past his decimated enemies, dragging Amity along like one would a reluctant dog.

It takes Amity a second too long to realize whats happening, but by then it is already too late.

Pariah shoves Amity’s broken body into the Sarcophagus, smile gleaming of the horrified shouts of Amity’s allies.

“I, Pariah Dark, conqueror of all the infinite realms, hereby banish you to earth. May you lay forever stranded as your core rots.”

Amity’s last sight before the door seals is his brother’s eyes, filled with hatred as he is shunted from his home.

He can feel when they pass the threshold and he hits earth-

His core screams, but he is trapped in the same sarcophagus he meant to damn his brother to. Trapped all alone on earth, far from the infinite realms.

His only hope is that the Ancients and clockwork are able to rally and capture Pariah before he destroys everything, but even as his core calls out, nothing answers.

___________________

The next few hundred years past in a disconnected haze.

History tells Amity after the first millennium totally isolated from the infinite reals he should have ceased to exist, but somehow his core has not completely destabilized. In fact, it had healed almost entirely from the grievous wound his brother had inflicted on him.

His only theory is that when Pariah tore a hole in the infinite realms to banish him to earth he had not been able to close the portal entirely behind him. So ectoplasm had been able to leak out in a high enough concentration to slowly heal him.

His body stays trapped, but he finds he is able to reach out with his core to take in the world around him.

It appears that while he had been slumbering humans had build an entire town up around where he is buried.

As more years pass he continues to observe this small town, which he is delighted to discover had somehow named itself Amity Park. he grows attached to the people, watching them grow and learn. And he welcomes every soul buried in his graveyard.

Occasionally a rouge ghost makes its way to earth, drawn to Amity’s home by the ectoplasm leaking from the portal remnants. Luckily as his core repaired itself Amity is able to establish this town as his domain, and even without his full power its laughably easy to scare off any ghosts looking to haunt his town.

Eventually he notices a curious development. Two of his people, so-called scientists who have a fascination with ghosts, begin to tinker extensively with the ambient ecto energy that permeates the town. The Fenton’s, they call themselves.

Amity leaves them to it, something he will come to regret for the rest of his afterlife.

It takes him too long to realize that the elder Fenton’s have built ome kind of machine directly over the tear until Amity’s word suddenly becomes alive.

In an instant he feels a spark alight him anew, fells the power from the infinite realms surge out, looking, begging for a response.

In all his excitement Amity almost misses it, but under the clamor of the realms he hears the faint cry.

At the epicenter of the rip in reality lies a human. The youngest Fenton, whos dreams of space remind Amity when he first explored the realms as a ghostling.

It seems whatever machine the elder fentons have created is attempting to re-tear a hole into the infinite realms, and this little one is in the epicenter. He can feel the buzz of ectoplasm all around and inside the boy, overwhelming his new infant core.

Amity reaches out with his own core to try and stabilize this new ghost, but the sheer power of the portal pulls him inward instead.

He is compressed, the fully developed core of a millenniums old ghost shoved into the body of an infant human child.

He screams. They scream. The infinite realms screams with them.

When he is next aware Amity is collapsed on a cold metal surface. But that isn't right.

The sarcophagus is designed to hold his core in suspension. Amity has not felt anything in millenniums.

“Danny?”

The voice is weak and distorted to Amity’s ears, but something deep inside him surges to life at the sound of that voice.

“I’m fi-ine Sam,” he says without thinking. But he shouldn’t know who this small human child is, shouldn’t recognize this lab and the equipment scattered haphazardly about.

His core yearns for the infinite realms, but under the familiar hum he feels something else. Utterly entwined with his core, is a human heart. Somehow the two organs work together seamlessly to pump both ectoplasm and blood through his veins.

Amity can think of a million curses, a thousand ways to damn the earth he is now trapped on, but all that comes out is a single, heart-and-core-felt,

“Fuck.”

[kyndaris]

Moe Moe Kyun!

Every year at SMASH! (Sydney Manga and Anime Show), there is a maid cafe. Why? Well, because in many anime and manga, anime cafes either feature in a chapter or two during the school festival if it's a slice of life story. Much like the obligatory beach episode. Or the hot spring event. What I'm trying to say is that it's a quintessential part of almost all anime and manga to include a maid cafe somewhere in their story.

Unfortunately, I've not had much luck attending the maid cafe held at SMASH! because of its popularity. Worse, these type of themed cafes aren't very big in Australia.

Enter Akihabara: home of many a maid cafe and the centre of culture for all international weebs.

On our last proper day in Japan, belachpanda and I decided to revisit Akihabara and Ikebukuro to tick off the places we might have missed out on the very rain-heavy Tuesday. And so, early in the morning, she and I went to try out a maid cafe. Here, we were treated like the princesses the two of us were. And it was bright and pink and we were called ojou-sama by the staff.

While we were a little early, it wasn't long before we were seated and had ordered our dessert combos (which included a polaroid photo, our choice of drink and a choice of the desserts they had available). While it was a little difficult to communicate, I couldn't help but admire their enthusiasm. Especially when every time one of the maids brought out food for the guests they would cast a 'spell' over it by going: "Moe Moe Kyun!" and encourage us to do it as well.

While I found it mildly embarrassing at first, their earnestness soon had me joining in wholeheartedly. But I have to say, the interactions when it came to drinks - be it alcoholic or ones require mixing was...well...also a little different.

Still, seeing everyone else engage with the staff and be suckered into participating with it helped normalise it all somehow.

After the maid cafe, bleachpanda and I trawled trhough the stores at Akihabara, looking at what was on offer and seeing if there was any other merchandise that might catch our eye. This involved heading to Suruga-ya and perusing their stock of figurines for anything that caught my eye.

Alas, it was not to be.

I walked away empty-handed while bleachpanda bought herself three figurines after I'd noticed one of her favourite characters and pointed it out. Then, after purchasing them, she blamed me for being a bad influence!

Outrageous!

I was merely being a good friend. And I didn't tell her to BUY it. She did it all on her own, thank you very much!

Afterwards, we returned to the Square-Enix store and I ended up buying the Octopath Traveler 2 original soundtrack. We then tried our luck with getting the free Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth coasters but ended up getting the same two Turks. Not willing to give up, I got another drink and managed to nab Tifa Lockhart. Satisfied with my prize, I allowed bleachpanda to drag me back to Ikebukuro and Otome Road so she could visit two shops she missed while it was pouring down on us on Tuesday.

As luck would have it, she was able to spot a few tin badges of her favourite otome character while I simply looked on, eyes glazed.

We ended the day by revisiting the ARTNIA cafe to see if anything had been restocked before returning back to our hotel as we prepared for our early flight in the morning.

Thus, concluding our three week trip overseas to South Korea and Japan.

Least I managed to spot a few collectibles from franchises I was familiar with this time round! Probably should have got the Chiaki or the Kyoko mini figurine.

Oh, and I also spotted two Like a Dragon figurines. But I couldn't find a way to buy them! Ah well!

The return flight back home was mostly uneventful, although they did refresh a few of the movies available. And so, I managed to knock out Wonka and The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes during the nine hours I was up in the air.

Have to say, both of them were very different and I didn't expect a musical when I watched the trailers for Wonka back in cinemas.

Did I find a gallivanting Timothee Chalamet amusing? Yes. And I also really loved Olivia Colman's performance as an unscrupulous innkeeper.

As for The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, it was nice to get some backstory for Coriolanus Snow. Admittedly, the actor was very dashing but it was Rachel Zegler who stole hearts and minds as Lucy Grey Baird.

[mittensmorgul]

2022 in Mittens Fic

It’s time again for the annual accounting of things I wrote this year! I’m pleased that while still a disappointingly low total for me, I still beat my total word count from 2021, so progress is being made, which I’ll always gladly take! Honestly anything is better than that 2020 total at this point lolol! I long since abandoned my goal of ever surpassing the 250k i posted in 2015, but that’s okay! I still wrote a decent bit!

For reference, past year end summaries can be found here:

2021 | 2020 | 2019 | 2018 | 2017 | 2016 | the closest thing I have to a 2015 wrap up post is the lil bit of text at the bottom of 2016′s post… even though my two most popular fics were from 2015 lololol

I managed a Pinefest fic, a DCRB fic, AND a DCBB fic this year, which is the first time I’ve ever managed all three, so go me I guess? And maybe I enjoy working to deadlines more than I ever assumed before? Or maybe I would’ve written even more if I hadn’t been pushing at deadlines (and letting myself slack off, even if rest is important and beneficial to writer brain, when I was far ahead of schedule...). But I’m overall pretty pleased with this year’s works.

I tied last year’s fic total, with six, but beat last year’s word count with 117,486, so go me! Not even counting the ~63k fic i’m working on for pinefest this year...even if it’s already written it’s not posting until February. Love rolling over a big fic into the new year every year like this. it feels weirdly like cheating somehow, yet I do it every year :’D

Also slightly cheating, but since I mentioned it last year, I still haven’t missed a week of my eternal rewatch podcast, @spngeorg which is still going strong! Uploading episode 91, 5.09 The Real Ghostbusters tonight! If my millions of words of written meta aren’t enough for you, you can now hear me being grumpy about this show out loud! (new episodes drop every Thursday night at or around midnight eastern time, if you’re interested you can start from the beginning on AnchorFM or wherever you enjoy podcasts!)

Let’s get to the fic! Presented in the order they posted:

Mr. Fix It (54,383 words, rated M) written for the Pinefest. It started with a photo of the shopping center sign that Mel sent me several years back, and the instruction “this is a writing prompt.” Amazingly, it was a great writing prompt! and a great art prompt, thanks to @lotrspnfangirl! Dean runs a repair shop called Mr. Fix It with Charlie, and Cas runs the bar at the other end of the strip mall, Steve’s. There’s shady real estate dealings, secret identities, and found family taking care of each other through it all.

lectio in equis (13,016 words, rated T) my first ever DCRB, and I screamed delightedly when I claimed @scarlettmichkat ’s artwork! Actually still kinda lowkey screaming about it. I LOVE this artwork. Like, wanna frame it and hang it in my living room love. Canon case fic, sort of, as Dean and Cas get to play cowboy for a day looking for a lost MoL chapter storage facility out in the New Mexico desert. Plus, Jesse and Cesar being the best retired hunters.

Baby X-File (2,698 words, rated T) Written for the final GISH hunt, a crossover scene between SPN and the X Files, canon-adjacent to both, to a prompt from my team captain who isn’t on tumblr... thank you Sammy!

honey wine  (764 words, rated T) annual deancasversary fic! They go to the rennfest, and medieval hilarity and fluff ensues

Heart Shaped Box  (43,504 words, rated M) my DCBB this year, canon case fic wherein Dean and Cas are the case. beautifully illustrated by @marvfortytwo​ and a cathartic walk through a series of memories. I mostly wanted to revisit . Set within days of Dean rescuing Cas from the Empty, because that’s exactly what happened in canon as we all know (I SAID, AS WE ALL KNOW).

The Ghost of Christmas Present(s) (3,121 words, rated T) annual holiday fic, Dean and Cas attempt holiday shopping together. hilarity and shmoop ensue.

And that’s my year in fic. Like I said at the top, I’ve already got more than half this total written to post in 2023, so it looks like I’m still not slowing down. Since I posted my To Be Written file’s stats last year, I figured I should do the same again...

lol... a year later, two pages and 1400 more words added... i swear at this rate i will never finish writing it all, which I find weirdly comforting.

Thanks to everyone who’s read, kudos’ed, commented, reblogged, rec’ed, and enjoyed anything I’ve written in the last year. I love you all. <3 See you in 2023!

[nebulouscoffee]

✦ ✄ and ▵ for ‘Who We Are’?

Thank youuu <333

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest? - 'Progress' might've been the easiest; it was only about 3k words long (and, unlike almost every other attempt at a oneshot I've made, didn't accidentally turn into a multichapter!) I also just think my desire for Kira Nerys to be happy is a very powerful force. Like I wrote it over one evening😂 Hardest would probably be a tie between 'Butter Through An Hourglass' (Sisko falls through time fic), 'When The Fighting Stops' (the life of Kira Nerys as told through Bajoran prophecy), and 'Live With It' (Sisko & Garak post-canon Cardassia dialogue-only). But since I have posted none of those, I'll admit the last two chapters of 'Who We Are' have been giving me trouble

✄ what’s your editing process? - step one: keep editing things even as you write the chapter so you end up making very little progress. step two: go back and edit some of the previous chapters actually! why not! step three: agonise over tiny little phrases forever, make 204 changes, and then close the doc for two months. step four: revisit it and find like 15 new ideas to incorporate now. step five: only open it again a whole month later and go "hmm this chapter is about 3000 words too long actually! gotta cut it down! time to be merciless!!" and step six: somehow end up making it 4759 words longer instead

(lol okay editing is not my strong suit, but I do have ONE good tip, which is change the font or switch to reading on your phone between edits. Just seeing those same lines but visually different always makes me notice things I stop noticing in the same format!)

▵ pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite line - ooooh this is hard, because I know it's from the Trippy Ezri Joining Section but it's all so intertwined I really don't know how to pick it apart! My favourite bit is probably when she sees Benjamin in that cosmic kitchen and talks to him outside of linear time lol, but it's more that whole concept than any one line in particular. Though I do like this moment a lot:

Benjamin is watching her with some undefinable look in his eye. “Memory is a complicated, confusing, and… phenomenal thing,” he murmurs, his voice low and clear as the space between stars. “And yes, it can be poisonous at times. Believe me, I know. It can kill. It can drown. But- Ezri, if you want to survive when the tide comes in-” He reaches out, gently cups the sides of her face, and suddenly, everything feels so simple… “You let it take you.” She lets out a shuddering breath, wishing she could look in his eyes forever. “I’ll die.” “No.” Benjamin smiles. “You’ll soar.”

This friendship means so, so much to me, and I really wanted to capture the way these two characters seem to be like, cosmically bound to each other? Platonic soulmates who will find each other in every lifetime, etc. Ezri is struggling with this massively traumatic non-linear experience, losing herself as 300 years of memories are suddenly being dumped into her brain- and here in the middle of it is the one person who can make it make sense, finding her in the dark. Giving her a safe place to catch her breath, but also the pep talk she needs to stop rejecting the symbiont and get through the joining! And basically, his advice is let go. Don't try sorting things out, don't make sense of things, don't psychoanalyse yourself- and definitely don't try to make Dax's emotions/memories linear. Now, is this a hallucination? Is this the worm telling her to find Benjamin through a half-conscious dream? Is this Benjamin himself, helping her out non-linearly from the Celestial Temple post-canon? Who knows! The important thing is, Ben knows a thing or two about living multiple lives, and how emotions can displace a person from time- and yes, he is going to explain it to her through food metaphors :)

[the-rewatch-rewind]

New episode!

Script below the break

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies in the 20 years from 2003 through 2022. Today I will be discussing number 27 on my list: MGM’s 1949 courtroom comedy Adam’s Rib, directed by George Cukor, written by Ruth Gordon and Garson Kanin, and starring Spencer Tracy, Katharine Hepburn, and Judy Holliday.

When housewife Doris Attinger (Judy Holliday) shoots her husband Warren (Tom Ewell) at the home of his lover Beryl Caighn (Jean Hagen), assistant district attorney Adam Bonner (Spencer Tracy) is assigned to prosecute her. Adam’s wife, defense attorney Amanda (Katharine Hepburn) is moved by Doris’s story and fed up with the double standard for men and women regarding adultery, so she decides to represent her. The tension in the courtroom leads to tension at home between the Bonners, which is further strained by their neighbor Kip (David Wayne), a musician who is very openly interested in Amanda.

I think this was the first Spencer Tracy/Katharine Hepburn movie I watched, but it was the sixth that they made together, out of nine total. Somehow this is the only one to make it into my top 40, although Pat and Mike was very close, with 14 views. Both Adam’s Rib and Pat and Mike were written specifically for Tracy and Hepburn, who were together in real life, by their friends Ruth Gordon and Garson Kanin, who were married to each other, so it’s unsurprising that the stars and the scripts were perfectly suited for each other. And yes, I am talking about the same Ruth Gordon who was also an actress and won an Oscar for being delectably creepy in Rosemary’s Baby. Looking back on my viewing history of Adam’s Rib is very interesting to me: I watched it twice in 2003, once in 2004, and three times in 2005, then took a fairly long break and saw it again in 2009, then 2011, then another break until 2016, and then I watched it twice in 2018, once in 2019, once in 2020, twice in 2021, and three times in 2022. So I watched it a lot soon after I started keeping track, then hardly revisited it at all until the last five years I was tracking, when I watched it a lot again. This wasn’t a conscious decision so I’m not sure exactly why it happened, but I do know that there are things I appreciate about it now that I didn’t quite catch when I was younger, and I think I needed some time away from it to realize that.

There are two main reasons I enjoy this movie. One is that it’s very entertaining and funny, and the other is that it’s fascinating from a historical socio-political perspective. When I was younger, I mainly focused on the first reason, but more recently the second reason has particularly compelled me to keep rewatching. I’m definitely still there for the comedy though. Some of it is broad and over-the-top, such as the scene when a witness, who is also a female weightlifter, picks up Adam in the courtroom and lifts him over her head, but most of it is more understated. As I mentioned at the end of last episode, I’m pretty sure my favorite part of the whole movie is when Beryl Caighn is on the stand and says she heard a noise, and when Adam asks her to clarify what kind of a noise, she pauses for a moment and replies, “Like a sound.” That is so perfectly tailored to my sense of humor that I can’t believe that my parents weren’t even alive when it was written. Also I would like to acknowledge that this was Jean Hagen’s film debut, and while she doesn’t have much screentime, every moment of her performance is gold. (Jean Hagen is, of course, best remembered for playing Lina Lamont in Singin’ in the Rain three years later.)

Adam’s Rib was also an important steppingstone in Judy Holliday’s career. She was starring in Born Yesterday on Broadway (which was also written by Garson Kanin) but was relatively unknown in Hollywood and was initially not considered for the film adaptation. Her performance in Adam’s Rib convinced the producer of Born Yesterday to give her a screen test, and she ultimately got the part and won an Oscar for it. Katharine Hepburn in particular worked hard to get her recognized, asking director George Cukor to focus more on Holliday than on her in their shared scenes, and then leaking stories to the press about how Holliday’s performance was so fabulous it stole the spotlight from her and Spencer Tracy. This behavior is particularly surprising from Katharine Hepburn if you recall how competitive and envious she was when working with Ginger Rogers in Stage Door. Clearly she was far more mature and self-assured at this point in her career than she had been 12 years earlier. And she was also correct: Judy Holliday gave a fabulous performance in Adam’s Rib, and nobody else could have played her role as well as she did in Born Yesterday. She had such perfect comedic timing. My second favorite part of Adam’s Rib, after the “noise like a sound” exchange, is when Amanda is interviewing Doris in jail – which was the main scene that convinced the producer of Born Yesterday to consider casting Judy Holliday. The way Holliday just keeps talking every time Hepburn thinks she’s finished and is about to say something is brilliantly done. Apparently Holliday was trembling because she was so nervous to be working with Hepburn, but she managed to turn that into part of her character and it works perfectly. That scene also features Eve March as Amanda’s secretary Grace, whose snide remarks greatly add to the humor as well. Watching these three women masterfully turning a serious situation into comedy never gets old.

The character I’ve changed my mind about the most over the years is the neighbor Kip, played by David Wayne. Kip is the kind of guy who clearly thinks he’s the funniest person in the room, and when I watched this movie in my early teens, I was inclined to agree with him. I enjoyed his antics, and I felt bad for him when Adam was mean to him. But as I continued to rewatch this movie, he started to irritate me, and now I can barely stand him. Granted, I do still enjoy his song “Farewell Amanda,” which in real life was written by Cole Porter, although the way he just casually walks into a married couple’s apartment and sings a love song to one of them is so rude. In last week’s episode I talked about the trope of the married couple’s male friend who is interested in the wife, and Kip is one of the most obnoxious instances of that trope. He’s not anywhere near as funny or charming as he thinks he is. This isn’t meant as a criticism of the movie; I feel like he’s intentionally irritating, and he’s definitely important to the plot and the message of the film. But I do think that when I was watching this movie mainly for the comedy, realizing that I no longer found Kip funny was a big part of why I started rewatching it less frequently.

But what I’ve grown to appreciate more recently about this movie is how progressive it was for its time, and the fascinating way that it has aged because of that. Bear in mind that this movie was made in 1949, shortly after WWII, very much in the “women stay home and support your man and raise those boomer children” era. So it was quite bold of this movie to question gender roles, particularly in terms of the infidelity double standard. After Amanda reads about the shooting in the paper but before she has taken the case, she asks Grace what she thinks about a man who cheats on his wife, and Grace replies, “Not nice, but…” and shrugs. Then Amanda asks, “What about a wife who cheats on her husband?” and Grace says, “Something terrible!” When Amanda demands to know why there’s a difference, Grace protests, “I don’t make the rules!” And Amanda retorts, “Sure you do; we all do!” And I think that’s such an important point: even if you don’t agree with social norms, accepting them and perpetuating them is equivalent to endorsing them. Amanda decides to argue that if a man confronted his cheating wife with a gun, people would consider him to be justified, and there shouldn’t be any difference in this case just because the genders are swapped. Adam, on the other hand, argues that nobody has the right to just show up at somebody’s house and shoot them. And what’s so great about this conflict is that they’re both partly right and partly wrong. Amanda’s right that women shouldn’t be punished more harshly for cheating on their spouses than men are, but at the same time, that doesn’t mean everybody should go around shooting each other. And Adam’s right about that part, but he’s wrong in the way he dismisses his wife’s legitimate concerns and fails to recognize the effects of misogyny on society and on his marriage.

It is a little odd that Doris is charged with attempted murder instead of assault with a deadly weapon or something like that, but this way it’s easier to believe that she is found innocent. She definitely did commit assault, but it doesn’t seem like she really meant to kill anyone. I’m kind of surprised the censors allowed her to be acquitted, since my understanding of production codes is that crime couldn’t be shown to pay. I guess Warren getting shot was his punishment for cheating, so now they’re even? I want to know what happens to the Attingers after the trial – hopefully they get divorced and manage to find some happiness – but we don’t get to find out because ultimately the story isn’t about them; it’s about the Bonners. Adam has moved out after the whole weightlifter-picking-him-up episode, and Kip has started to attempt to take his place. After the trial, Amanda is at Kip’s apartment to go over a contract with him, but she’s distracted with worry about what’s going to happen to her marriage, and instead of listening and being a supportive friend, Kip decides it’s a good time to confess his love for her, using the irresistible line that he’s in love with her because she lives across the hall and it’s so convenient. And then Adam bursts in with a gun, and Amanda, terrified, says, “You have no right! Nobody has the right-” and then realizes what she’s saying. Satisfied, Adam reveals that the gun is actually made of licorice, and Amanda is furious, but it’s kind of the best possible outcome here: Doris doesn’t have to go to jail, but her actions are not being condoned, which I assume is what appeased the censors. And then later Adam demonstrates that men and women are truly equal by crying to get what he wants, which is…not great, but…I guess it’s good to challenge the stereotype that masculine men aren’t supposed to cry? It’s just not great to perpetuate the stereotype that women cry to manipulate men.

And that’s when you have to bear in mind that this movie is 74 years old. In addition to outdated gender role assumptions, there’s some weird body shaming and normalization of domestic violence that is very uncomfortable. But on the whole, it does a pretty good job of supporting women standing up for themselves in a post-WWII, pre-second-wave feminism America. Also, in a time when pretty much the only non-white characters in mainstream Hollywood movies were servants, it is worth noting that there are some people of color in the background of Adam’s Rib. There’s a black man on the jury, and when Amanda brings in a bunch of witnesses to demonstrate that women are equal to men, there are a few women of color in the crowd. Granted, when the judge rules that only three are allowed to testify, all three are white women, and the juror doesn’t get to speak either, but the representation bar was so low that even this tiny amount of racial diversity among the extras feels noteworthy.

While I’m pretty sure it wasn’t intentional, this movie also shows the harms of amatonormativity, and possibly even heteronormativity. Doris and Warren certainly should not have gotten married, but amatonormativity told them that that was the life they should want. When Warren is on the witness stand, Adam asks him why he married Doris, and Warren responds, “How should I know? Why did you marry yours? Does anybody know?” The assumption that everybody wants and needs a long-term monogamous romantic and sexual relationship leads to so many incredibly dysfunctional marriages that the people trapped in them think they’re not only normal, but universal, and that’s a problem. Nobody should feel like they have to marry someone they can barely stand just to have a partner. And speaking of people I can barely stand, let’s go back to Kip. While I don’t like him as a character, I do find it interesting that he’s kind of queer-coded, and Adam in particular mocks him for being effeminate, yet he pursues and tries to seduce Amanda. Of course, being a rather effeminate man and being attracted to women are not mutually exclusive, but it does feel a bit like he’s going after Amanda because he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do. I mean, he says he’s into her because she’s his neighbor and it’s convenient – not exactly the most convincing display of attraction. When Amanda finally understands what Kip is saying, she has this great line: “Now, you look here, Kip. I’m fighting my prejudices, but it’s clear that you’re behaving like a, like a – well, I hate to put it this way, but like a man!” – meaning in the entitled to women’s attention and bodies sense of the word. Which, as someone whose masculinity has been repeatedly called into question, is probably what he was going for. I can’t really blame him for struggling to figure out how to perform gender in a way that’s socially acceptable, but that’s not an excuse for being a jerk who refuses to take no for an answer. As Amanda pointed out earlier, we all make the rules. The only way to overthrow harmful norms is to refuse to perpetuate them. So to summarize what we’ve learned: only get married if you want to, not because you think you should; if you find out your spouse is cheating, either work it out or get divorced, but don’t shoot them; and listened to your married neighbor when she says she doesn’t want to have an affair with you.

If this movie sounds kind of weird, that’s because it is, but the true story that inspired it is, if anything, even weirder. When actors Raymond Massey and Adrienne Allen got divorced, they were represented by husband-and-wife lawyers William Dwight Whitney and Dorothy Whitney, who then divorced each other to each marry their client from that case. Garson Kanin and Ruth Gordon then took the idea of married lawyers on opposite sides of a trial and turned it into Adam’s Rib. While the acting is fabulous, ultimately the script is the best part of this movie, and it was even nominated for an Oscar, which has always been unusual for comedies. While in some ways this movie presents a cynical view of marriage, it is worth noting that Kanin and Gordon’s lasted for 43 years until her death in 1985 and seems to have been a relatively happy one. They were clearly both very talented writers, and I think the film’s commentary on gender roles greatly benefitted from having a man and a woman working on it together. Gender roles have changed a bit in the decades since this movie was made, so from that perspective it feels a bit outdated, but it definitely makes some important points that are still relevant. And if nothing else, the script is clever and the performances are captivating.

Thank you for listening to my analysis of another of my most rewatched movies. I appreciate those of you who have stuck with me through this stretch of relatively obscure older films. If you’ve been enjoying hearing about them, don’t worry, there will be plenty more, but if you’re ready for a break, good news: the next movie was made in the 21st century, and you’ve probably at least heard of it! As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “I haven’t slept with hundreds of men.”

[lizzybeth1986]

Character Playlist: Hayden Young

I realised this year that even though Hayden's was the first appreciation week I'd ever organised, I had never gotten around to creating my own playlist for them. And I've always had songs I associate with them...so I figured now would be the best time to compile them!!

Most of them deal with similar themes of self-discovery and love - both themes I find in abundance in Hayden's story. There are three foreign-language songs, for which I'll attach the translations - one Hindi, one French and one Japanese.

Tagging @haydenyoungappreciationweek and @sazanes for HYAW Day 1: Indescribable! Find the Spotify list here!

On a Day Like Today - Bryan Adams

On a day like today the whole world could change

The sun's gonna shine, shine thru the rain

On a day like today no one complains

Free to be pure, free to be sane

In the Lap of the Gods (Revisited) - Queen

No beginning, there's no ending

There's no meaning in my pretending

Believe me, life goes on and on and

Forgive me when I ask you where do I belong

Indescribable - Olivia Broadfield

Too indescribable

I've got to think it over

When you kiss me like that.

Too indescribable

I've got a sinking feeling,

I don't like where this is at.

It's My Life - Bon Jovi

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted

No silent prayer for faith-departed

And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd

You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud...

All the King's Horses - Karmina

There is a reason I'm still standing

I never knew if I'd be landing

And I will run fast, outlast

everyone that said no...

Safar - Masala Coffee

Duniya ik kitaab, padhna hai pura

The world is a book; I will read every page of it.

Raahi hoon main hamesha...

I am a traveller, I have always been...

Nayi duniya nayi ruhan

New worlds...new souls...

Rahat har raah deti hai

Every road gives me solace

Safar hai takhti musafir ki

The voyage awaits its voyager

Manzil ki parwah kahaan...

Who cares where the destination is!

Lyrics and Translation

What was I Made For - Billie Eilish

Think I forgot how to be happy

Something I'm not, but something I can be

Something I wait for

Something I'm made for

Alone Part II - Alan Walker, Ava Max

We all need that someone

who gets you like no one else

Right when you need it the most

We all need a soul to rely on

A shoulder to cry on

A friend through the highs and the lows

I'm not gonna make it alone

anatomy - kenzie

It's just anatomy, you're only half of me

And still, you don't know me at all

You've been my missing piece, so why aren't you missing me?

Guess I meant less than I thought

(while the original context of this song was about the singer's feelings about her father's abandonment of their family, I thought the lines worked well for a Hayden thinking about a parent that didn't exist 😞)

Sun - Sleeping At Last

Our once barren world now brims with life

That we may fall in love

Every time we open up our eyes

I guess space, and time

Takes violent things, angry things

And makes them kind

Dernière Danse - Indila

Je remue le ciel le jour, la nuit

I move mountains, day and night

Je danse avec le vent la pluie

I dance with the wind the rain

Un peu d'amour, un brin de miel

A little love, a bit of honey

Et je danse, danse, danse, danse, danse, danse

And I dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance

Et dans le bruit, je cours et j'ai peur

And in the noise, I run and I'm scared

Est ce mon tour

Is it my turn?

Vient la douleur

Here comes the pain

Dans tout Paris, je m’abandonne

Throughout Paris, I abandon myself

Et je m'envole, vole, vole, vole, vole

And I fly, fly, fly, fly, fly

Lyrics and Translation

Then You Look At Me - Celine Dion

Day by day

I find my way

Look for the soul and the meaning

Then you look at me

And I always see

What I have been searching for

I'm lost as can be

Then you look at me

And I am not lost anymore

orion - Kenshi Yonezu

Even in dreams, my heart is somehow never at its best—

So don't bother worrying... about my grievances and tears.

Pulling a string from my unraveling sweater, I constantly tried to weave a constellation,

Using our fingers as the stars.

It ended up so terribly haphazard that we both had to laugh!

If you were truly there with me in that moment... that's more than enough

Lyrics and Translation

You Gotta Be - Des'ree

Listen as your day unfolds

Challenge what the future holds

Try and keep your head up to the sky

Lovers, they may cause you tears

Go ahead, release your fears

Stand up and be counted

Don't be ashamed to cry

[xiadz]

Long post, I found a comic book I wrote with friends like 25 years ago and I'm reading it and here are some thoughts lol

In 2nd grade myself and 2 other friends wrote a comic book called Robots Mission to Mars and I thought it was just lost to the ages, a memory where as I get older I'm unsure if I made it up or not. However 2 days ago deep in my grandmother's attic was a random folder that she found and it had 3 different comic books I made and a few drawings, and within it was Robots Mission to Mars. It's surprising cause 1) I was sure it was lost and 2) my grandmother kept NOTHING from my childhood, so it was a complete accident this managed to slip through the cracks. Half of the cover is ripped off but overall the important bits are there complete with elementary school drawings of robots and space ships.

The inside cover even has an advertisement for a future planned "The Star Rocket Robots".

It's obviously poorly written but I'm honestly surprised, we fully came up with a backstory of a spaceship crashing into a kids house, maiming him, or as I wrote, "his arms tore off and his knee down got tore off", and three robots (Musuci, Syber-X, and Gama) survived the crash, saving our hero Johnny by taking him into their underground lab (i mean technically it was underground since they crashed I guess) and the robots fixed him by turning him into a cyborg, they then named him J-7. J-7 then helps rebuild the space station and in the process learns to be a robot. "It had a lab with computers and all that science stuff". By page 4 we are introducing enemy robots with very clear motives, Deathmole, the main bad guy is creating the perfect spy robot, aptly named Spier so he can steal plans. There's a large fight with 3 other evil robots, but since they're robots, Deathmole just makes a stronger and bigger 2.0 version of them.

Anyways I'm just genuinely impressed that as 2nd graders we somehow managed to grasp the concept of semi coherent storytelling and literally the heroes journey, as crude as it may be. It's also ready to be sold to marvel because at one point their space ship blows up and one of the characters simply goes "Well what about our extra space ship Gama? 'Oh I forgot about that one' he responds" Aliens show up for no reason and are unexplained other than they're bad guys. So we're even ready for the MCU.

We even ended on a complete cliffhanger. The last page is just

"Now let the fun begin. Ok let's rock you guys! Computers. Check. Gama screen on. Check. J-7 desk. Check.

I think the desk is meant to be like.. a console lol.

I might scan this and upload it somewhere. Every once in a while I still talk to one of my friends that did the art for some of the robots and we talked about it a few years ago, he'd probably be so fucking stoked to see it. I also think it serves as a neat time capsule into my childhood brain.

In the folder I also have "Scotts Awesome Adventures", which is 2 pages of panel comics that was made by me. Then I also have Pumpkin Man made by the same few of us who made Robots, but I only have the cover for it sadly.

Honestly I think one day I'd like to revisit Robots Mission to Mars. Maybe I'll even finally make that offshoot of The Star Rocket Robots a few decades later, but I don't know if it can live up to the hype.

[storiesofsvu]

happy thursday fuckers... you know whats up

Here we go… backwards viewing. We starting with OC. Let’s see if I give two fuck about whats going on…

That therapist looked and sounded super familiar… where do I know him from? Was he fins rope guy? Brb…ugh… its not on imdb yet… *sigh*

Not me looking like a clown reading the opening credits of all THREE shows for guest stars waiting for my fave to pop back up…

I JUST realized that when I was TRYING to fucking watch the last episode on citytv the app/site kept glitching and freezing and I never finished it… that’s why I have NO idea whats going on LOLOL

This show would be so much better without Elliot… also If they gave Ayanna her wife back..

I literally like every detective on this show except for Elliot.

Jamie’s bomb. Also hot. 10/10 would bang

Welp. Okay. That felt over quick yet also took 5 hours to get through this damn episode.

Onto mothership;

Yeah fuck this guy… you’re in nyc… you’re gonna step in some shit. I want to punch you.

“morales” are you kidding me? Can we stop reusing names of recurring characters?? I get, diff show but still same universe.

I would prefer this show if it was just Mechad & Odelya… OH and Kate.

Completely unrelated; someone pls remind me to put together a grocery list/meal prep list of things super easy so I stop ordering fucking delivery. I need to get that shit together.

Mechad just *yelled* and I *felt things* jfc

What TF is senator paley doing here?! Where is keane to spit in his face. Get this man off my tv pls.

Ugh fuck this asshat. This is horrible. But also… we’ve done this storyline in older episodes… alex & casey have both gotten people out of ICE. Cmon sam… where was your paperwork…

OOF she brought her big balls to this… hello m’am

FUCK defence attorneys who attack the character of a prime witness just because they’re there illegally. Like, fuck off, you had her detained in the first place.

Wow okay, fucking heartbreaking ending, way to just hurt Sam.. baby.. is okay… I will cuddle you back to happiness.

FINALLY, okay here we go svu. Ive heard some interesting things about the ep… let’s see

I don’t know if I’m ready for this…

DID WE REALLY HAVE TO REVISIT THE ROLIVIA GOODBYE?!?! AS IF I HAVE NOT SOBBED OVER IT ENOUGH!??

DID SHE LEAVE THE FUCKING CHIPMUNK?? WTF?? IVE HAD SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT IT FOR YEARS

Ugh…. The fin amanda dynamic was always such a fucking good one… I will miss them

Okay I d love that Duarte still watches out for/hangs out with muncy

Who… once again is wearing plaid… like the queer she is…

When is mcgrath gonna fucking meet his rotten end… I need him gone…

Oh THANK GOD noah doesn’t fully witness this?? I was so concerned.

Somehow… that wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be? And I KNOW this is probably leading up to other shit that certain fans really want to see, but like, can we give olivia a damn break please? *eyeroll*

Also it’s just plain pathetic to only have two detectives. Like… I know molly replaced kelli, but we really still need another one… OR make the ada a more prominent feature, add in huang/a shrink, the ME, make there be more of a larger rotating cast like s8/9….

Omg fin lololol

“you have a visitor…” andits FUCKING MCGRATH ugh what a way to make things worse…

Okay… m’am… you were doing so well this season, and now we’re back to the super breathy acting.. why…

Im glad they keep mentioning Phoebe, like, the writers haven’t forgotten about her so that’s a good sign.

Im SORRY. She keeps a SHOTGUN in an UNLOCKED closet?? WITH NOAH IN THE HOUSE?!?!

Anyone else super confused as to how her ribs aren’t broken? Or at least cracked? Like… it really seems like it..

Okay… her lingering on amanda’s empty desk is giving me s13 flashbacks, like, amanda would have reached out…. She’s literally married to someone olivia sees on a regular basis.

I’m hot for Duarte now and I fully blame @bulletproof for that….

Wait… I just saw a commercial for Chicago PD… I watched the new ep right before my l&o viewings… was Hank even in this week’s ep??

Omg muncy was so fucking excited to take off the blazer lolololol

Who TF is this guy… detective Bruno…. I swear I know him from somewhere

Oh… okay… he’s been on svu 5 times before… (as different characters… the one being the husband of the woman who accused Stone of assault)

This ep is meh. There’s too much fin and olivia and this new fuck I don’t care about, give me the characters I *want* to see pls.

Seriously… why must police always think that people know about their HALF siblings?!? People be whores… I didn’t know I had THREE half brothers til I was 14…

Overall… this was underwhelming.

I know it’s a three parter (I believe?) so like, there’s more coming, but like… underwhelming as a whole. I’m not even going to bother to gif any of it this week. Sorry not sorry besties.

[willsimpforazula]

Drabble rabble that got out of hand, I s'pose

So there I was, patiently waiting for Jigokuraku (Hell's Paradise) to air ever since I saw the trailer about a year ago and having just watched the first ep...I thought yeah a Sokkla dynamic would work pretty neato for this AU So here it is ig.....might revisit this AU when at least the anime is done airing but we shall see...the Jigokuraku that nobody asked for but was living in my noggin rent free like a thieving bastard feedback is welcome (except when it comes to sokkla criticism, they are best ship and no, i will not elaborate) ____________

Courtyard

It was supposed to be a standard affair, as far as executions went. Granted, it wasn't every day one got to watch a shinobi get executed. After all, they were supposed to be nigh uncatchable, with their ability to get out of impossible situations attributed to some form of trickery or otherworldly means. That being said, the one now kneeling in front of him clearly used up all his luck and seemed resigned to his fate.

On the other hand, the girl standing in the back with a brush and book in hand puzzled him slightly. She was from the Yamada Clan, of that he was sure, but her reasoning for being there was not revealed to him (not that he cared, of course). Turning his attention back to the execution at hand, he expected the former shinobi's head to be rolling on the ground.

However, what he did not expect was a sigh that could only be interpreted as a bored eye roll as his head remained firmly attached to his neck with nary a scratch. Thinking that he must be hallucinating, the executioner swung his sword over and over again, but instead the blade shattered. Shocked, the judge quickly called off the event and had the prisoner sent back to his cell. Meanwhile, the Yamada Clan girl merely jotted down some observations in her book. ---------

Prison Cell

Why can't I just die?

I don't have anything left to live for.

So why?

Lost in his thoughts, Sokka didn't hear the door open, nor did he look up at his visitor. In fact, he thought of her as a nuisance, a persistent bug much like the mosquitoes who, absent the lack of ability to be squashed by his palms courtesy of his chains, would not stop pestering him with question after question.

"Your name is Sokka, correct?"

"Last I checked it was, I think. Unless you've somehow found a different name that I don't know about."

"You were raised since childhood to be a shinobi, correct? I heard that for every ten boys who undergo the training process, only three make it out alive."

"Your point?"

"Those who survived develop superhuman bodies. Like being able to break blades with your own flesh."

"Big deal. Besides, you and I both know that swordsman was a complete fucking amateur. I didn't even have to use ninjutsu."

"You can use ninjutsu? Could you show me some of your techniques?"

"And here I thought you were here for my good looks. I'm hurt." he replied, making sure to double up on the sarcasm.

"Perhaps in a different life, I suppose. Unfortunately, you do not interest me in the slightest in your current iteration. In any case, you did not answer my question."

"What could ninjutsu from a condemned shinobi possibly be of use to you?"

"Research, I suppose. It's not every day you get the chance to interview a shinobi."

"Nope, not a chance lady. My secrets die with me and that's the end of it."

_______________

The next day…..

"Look, I promise you, I really am not trying to resist. If anything, I wish you'd kill me instead of those half assed jokers."

"Mmm."

"If you're gonna look away, then why not ask the guards to give me a fresh change of clothes?"

When she ignored him, Sokka responded "Oi, I'm talking to you. Didn't your parents teach you to look at someone when they're talking to you?"

"Mmhmm." she replied as she scribbled some more observations in her book.

"And?"

"I'm here to record the events as it unfolds. Your present state of undress is of no concern to me."

"And yet here you are averting your gaze. Afraid of being seduced?"

Choosing to ignore his question, she instead asked "Tell me more about your background."

"Here we go again. For the one hundredth time, I've told you my background isn't interesting."

"I have a job to do."

"Ugh..fine. No wonder you're not engaged yet, I pity the fool who has to marry you."

"My current relationship status is of no concern to you." she replied, a bit too quickly.

"Nailed it." he smirked.

"I swear by the spirits you're just like my bro-never mind. Tell me about your background."

Deciding that her unwittingly letting slip that she had a brother was sufficient exchange for his information, he obliged her.

"To be honest, I don't know much. I was told that the chief killed them and adopted me and my sister. As for dreams, nope, I don't have any. Shinobi like us aren't to concern ourselves with the bigger picture, merely to concern ourselves with the killing of whoever the chief deemed needed to be eliminated."

"I see. Do you know why you were caught?"

"Hmm….it was a set up. I tried to leave and word got out to the chief I suppose. No one can be allowed to leave our village."

Keeping her golden eyes fixed on his, she asked "Why did you try to leave?"

Unfortunately, she did not get an answer, only being met with a long silence. Deciding that she had probably overstayed her welcome, she got up and left.

________________________

A few days later…

Staring at the sky, Sokka busied himself by picking out shapes of clouds in the sky while the magistrate's men worked to attach ropes to his legs to two bulls, whilst the magistrate himself, a rotund bald man with an ego larger than his body size would allow for, cackled with delight as he was worried that news would get back to the shogunate that he was not capable of a performing a simple execution and thus, risk his neck being the one on the chopping block.

Alas, his efforts came to naught as instead, a tug from Sokka's ankles brought the bulls crashing into each other instead of splitting him apart. At this, the magistrate lost his temper and began to bark orders to his men.

"Don't you think it rather strange?" the girl approached him, her now signature notebook and brush in hand poised to record more notes.

"No, why?" Sokka asked

"It seems to me that despite your statements of wanting to die, your actions contradict them. Why would someone with no reason to live, clin-never mind. You never did answer my question the previous day."

"Who gives a shit about your questions, just kill him already!" the magistrate fumed.

Waving her hand, she replied "I'm working."

"What about the-"

"Later. Now, would you answer my question or not?"

"Tsk, so demanding. Fine, whatever."

"I'm listening."

"I was the best shinobi in the entire village. I had his word that my sister would be well taken care of while I remained his best blade. Surprisingly, he kept his word. Still, keeping her ignorant of the wider world for much longer was not an option, as was seeing her married off to some shinobi like me who has only seen the ugliest the world has to offer. That is no way to live. As her only surviving relation, how can I do that to her and still claim to be the protective big brother? I'd be spitting on my parents' grave if I did so.  And so that's how I ended up being captured, set up by the chief who forbade anyone from venturing beyond our village. There you have it. Happy now?"

"Thank you for your answer."

_______________________

Later that night….

"Perhaps it's not my place to say, but a young pretty woman like yourself should not get any closer to someone like him." one of the magistrate's men commented as they made their rounds.

"Thanks for your concern, but I can handle myself. I am from the Yamada clan, afterall."

"Do you know his name?"

"Of course, it would be silly if I hadn't. His name is Sokka, former shinobi of Iwagakure."

"I mean his other name. Sokka the Hollow. An emotionless monster, he slew twenty men when he was arrested. Rumour has it that the shinobi of Iwagakure drink some sort of potion of immortality, that's why they are unkillable. That potion comes from Shinsenkyo."

"Potion huh…." she pondered, her golden eyes.

"Forget I spoke such nonsense. In any case, he's a dangerous man and you would be wise to be on guard."

"If he really is as hollow and emotionless as you say he is, then why did he fight back so hard as he did? You don't fight like that, not unless you have something to live for."

A week later…

When the attempt to condemn Sokka to death via boiling oil failed once more, this time with casualties to his own men, the magistrate was on the verge of tears and was about to snatch the sword in his office and either kill Sokka himself or commit seppuku.

"You know, I'm ready any time." she reminded him.

At this, the magistrate's expression changed, as if he had suddenly stumbled upon an epiphany.

_________________

Two days later

"So, what's it going to be this time? Explosives? Poison? Or maybe…a combination of both?" Sokka sarcastically asked as he was escorted to some form of room at the end of a tunnel.

"You'll see."

Entering the room, Sokka saw her seated, her hands resting on her thighs while her face wore an expression of meditation. When she looked up, she untied the ribbon from her shoulder and redid her hair before standing up.

"What is this, are you going to fuck me to death or some shit? This has got to be some sick joke, stop fucking around."

"Oh ho, you think she's just some inspector from the shogunate huh? No, she is no mere inspector, she's a sword tester sent here straight from Edo." As he said this, he could see her draw her katana from her scabbard, her familiarity with the weapon evident.

"She is the executioner Yamada Asaemon Azula. Her family has served the shogun as sword testers and executioners for generations. All of their clansfolk are trained in the art of swordsmanship."

"You-you're an Asaemon?"

"Yes, that is correct. Sokka the Hollow, you said you wished for your execution. Today, I shall grant you that very wish." she answered, her golden eyes narrowing to a singular focus, that being the removal of his head from his body.

Well fuck me to tears, this girl's the real deal, his mind told him. Instinctively, he flexed his his wrists and broke the chains that bound his hands, shattering them into mere firewood.

"Azula-dono, kill him!" the magistrate screeched.

With a lunge, she thrust forward, landing a nick on his neck as he dodged and rolled away to the side.

"Why did you dodge my blow?" Azula asked, her voice quizzical.

"I-" Before he could respond, she leapt at him once more, forcing him to leap away to safety.

Do..Do I really not want to die? Sokka thought to himself, as she took a deep breath and reset herself.

"I've executed many criminals throughout my time. Some put up a brave front, right up till just before their death. Some beg for mercy, others deceive themselves and say they have accepted their fate. Sokka the Hollow, I can sense that the void in your heart is indeed larger than anyone here in this room, of that I am sure. But you still want to live, that I am sure."

At this, memories of his sister flashed into his mind, making him see red. In a flash he snatched a katana from one of the guardsmen and lunged at her before the hapless man knew what had happened.

"Admit it, you kept on living for her." Azula calmly responded, as their blades clashed and gold eyes met blue.

"And yet you lie to my face every single time I visit, telling me that you have no attachments to this world and that you're ready to face death."

"Shut the fuck up! You know nothing about me! Nothing!" he screamed, before launching into a series of vicious strikes that caught her off guard and had her on the defensive, only just being able to parry the multitude of strikes that would have dealt any lesser swordsman a killing blow multiple times over, as echoes of his promise to his sister just before he left on that fateful mission repeated over and over like a broken record.

"LISTEN TO ME, THERE IS A WAY OUT!" she shouted, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Unfurling a scroll, she showed him the decree "This is an official pardon, straight from the shogun himself. With this, you are a free man and are untouchable; not me, the magistrate or your village chief could harm you. On one condition."

"And that is?"

"You will travel to the Underworld and retrieve the Elixir of Immortality."

"What do you mean, travel to the Underworld? Doesn't that mean you'll just kill me? How does that work?"

"No. For centuries there was believed to be a land free from pain and suffering, a land teeming with abundance and joy, far to the southern seas. For centuries sailors and explorers have scoured the far oceans for such a place, and now, they have found it, just as the scripts have described it. There, it seems, one can find this immortal life giving elixir. Many have tried on orders of the shogunate in Edo, but none came back alive. Those that did return, looked barely human at all."

"That sounds like a bunch of mythical bullshit you feed to toddlers."

"That's what I thought too…until I saw the bodies first hand. I came here, looking for candidates with a burning passion to live and skills to back it up. On my way here, I heard that your sister is still in Iwagakure, waiting everyday by the village entrance for you."

"I….."

"One last thing, you will not be going in solo. There are other Asaemon pairs who are also jockeying for a chance at redemption.Thus, I now offer you this choice; accept this mission and win not only freedom for yourself, but also for your sister or die a criminal's death here and now."

"This is ridiculous. The shogun couldn't possibly have issued this decree. He is but one of many, what makes him so special? Guards!"

Closing his eyes, all Sokka could see was the face of his sister, waiting anxiously at the village entrance for his safe return.

Katara…I'm coming back…I promise…

In a small voice, he asked "Azula….remember when you asked if you could see ninjutsu?"

"Yes?"

"Then watch and learn." he calmly replied, his mind moving into a trance like state as flames emerged from his body, the heat causing her to raise her arms while the brightness made her blink as she heard him whisper: Ninpo - Ascetic Blaze.

In a flash of light and smoke, six charred bodies lay in a pile, atop which Sokka sat as small embers danced on his fingertips.

"Impressive. I hope that you would be willing to teach me some of your tricks during our travels."

"Sure, whatever you say. Where do we go from here?" he replied as she resheathed her katana.

"Edo."

"What? Why not head straight there?"

"You do as I say or the deal's off."

"Alright alright, calm down, I'll do as you say."

"That sounds more like it." she replied, a small smile gracing her lips that told Sokka she was definitely going to be handful on their trip

[dinnerwithrefi]

11.2 - Dedication to Lost Appetites

Dinner: chicken tender wraps w/cheddar cheese, baby spinach & kale, salt, pepper, mayonnaise & a splash of Louisiana hot sauce

I'm sorry about Claudio.

I know it isn't much consolation coming from someone you barely know, but it's the truth. No one should have to watch somebody wilt away like that from a terminal illness, and while I understand grief of that nature, it is uniquely shaped to the individual and the relationship they shared. Still, from what I know about him now, he seems like a really lovely guy, even if your personal account of his accent as "a Muppet soaked in pomodoro" made me snog my iced coffee. I can understand why you have a soft spot for the Giants, even if you're not a big fan of the pigskin. Then again, maybe soft spots aren't exactly something I should bring up, given how shaken you got when we talked about him in his last days, how the most vivid images are when he looked more lesioned than lively, more purple and grey than olive, the cheery anecdotes replaced by incoherent anguish. It's awful how we're forced into being an unwilling audience member in these theatres of decay, surrounded by feuding one man shows of desperation, departure, and what comes after.

I think more than anything, though, it helps us reach a common ground of sorts. I was the same way with my grandmother, though she at least had the ability to go peacefully in my aunt's home. I couldn't see her as Grandma in that moment, though, that wasn't her. That wasn't Grandma's hand I was holding when I heard her breathe her last, the sagging, frail freshness of death in front of me couldn't possibly be the sweet, lovely Grandma who'd warble "Happy Birthday" to my voicemail every year, even if I was seeing her just a few days later for the conglomerate birthday-Thanksgiving hybrid meal my dad's side of the family held after the separation. It didn't feel real. Part of it still doesn't, honestly, but I drank so much alcohol that I honestly couldn't tell you where the clinical noises of the hospital started and the waking nightmare of two deaths close to me ended.

But that's what was bothering you yesterday, and I'm glad you told me about it. You heard desperation in facing yourself and others in the wake of tragedy and terminal illness and that somehow mutated into a form of jealousy, didn't it? At least with that album, Halsey was able to leave something for when the end comes, a connection for both those they found important and the multitudes who felt that same level of import towards them. It's funny how art remains the greatest dedicator for the world. We build monuments and erect statues, write poems and sing songs, sew clothes and knit quilts, paint murals and spread genius across paper and canvas alike - all in the sake of getting the chance to show the magnitude of their worth to not only that individual, but to the entire world. We never got that chance, though. At least, you and I never took the opportunity to do so in a timely fashion.

Besides, you argued, how could your cousin's commemoration at his funeral, the stirring piece from a grieving daughter that brought a church to tears, or the shrine built to the buzzer beat three point shot your brother made the night Claudio died, which he claims he dedicated to him as he threw it, compare to the short story you wrote about the persimmon tree your aunt planted in his honor a few weeks after his death? From your account, it had been two months after his death that grief notched its arrow and struck inspiration in the hopes of achieving resolution. It must feel disingenuous to revisit it now, assuming you still have a copy. You never got the chance to tell him how much you valued him, no matter the lack of closeness between you two, and I suppose there's a sort of guilt seared into you that you'll never get rid of now.

I wasn't the same way with my grandma, though I wish my goodbye could've been on the terms I had imagined them being. She always wanted me to sing her "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert at some point. I would've done it for her if my dad hadn't been right behind me while she was in her final moments. Then again, we wouldn't have been there in the first place if I hadn't told him to prioritize seeing her. While I try to love him in the ways that I can, I shouldn't have had to tell him that spending a small amount of time while his mother waned away was more important that a trip to pick up fucking bulk lumber for his front porch project. Still, it was that simple round of cussing that got him to take the exit and end up getting home late in lieu of actually missing out on saying a proper goodbye, regardless of her comprehension. She was able to go after that, and I think seeing her son might have sparked those last moments of lucidity before she closed her eyes one last time. I broke a month of sobriety because of it, but scolding her son to pick up the damn beams later was probably the best dedication I could've given to her.

Unlike you, though, I have a lot more people living that I'll never get the chance to do that for as time goes on. You seem to have a tightly knit circle of friends that, while countable on one hand, they drive you to keep making strides towards self-betterment. I'm not really the same as you in that regard. I somehow end up in people's lives not on the whims of fate or by a stroke of luck, but rather sheer meteoric impact, cratering them on first meeting, almost helpless as I watch the slow crawl of personal extinction around them, to the point where I just end up just a giant rock in their life, sometimes cumbersome and earth-shattering, others groundbreaking and life-altering, but always indelible. I always end up disappearing, though. I know why that is, and I wish it hadn't bled into my life from trauma inflicted by those monsters from my teenage years, but that's just how I end up. There's a part of me that wishes I could be like you, able to hold tightly to the three people you seem to value most, the motley ensemble that you are. That's my own jealousy, though, and I hope it's one that I can get over.

Shame that the wraps got cold, but I guess we have leftovers for breakfast before we job hunt tomorrow morning.

[hazelplaysgames]

   my annual February shiny hunt is on soon! February, if that title is to be believed. this year, i’ll try to get two games going: Y and Legends Arceus! i’ll prefer hunting in Y if i have to choose, but i think it could be fun to get the two working together.

   in Y, i’ll be in Route 4. i am specifically going for a Shiny Combee, and the closest thing to a zonk is gonna be Ledyba. i expect four, even if i stick to the Yellow Flowers.    that said, every other encounter on the route i consider good. if i somehow manage to get plenty of all ‘mons off of that route, i’ll swoop around to route 22, as that gives a pretty healthy selection with no repeats and no real misses to me. if i somehow manage to get a bunch of ‘mons there too, then i’m gonna call it a good month. :p

   as for Arceus’ role in this, it’s to hunt in those Space-Time Distortions. Johtonian Sneasel, Porygon, Magnemite, Cranidos, and Shieldon are exclusive to the bubbles, and i want to make a solid effort to get a full-as-possible living shiny dex in that game, since those are really the big things holding it back. also, Cherubi, sorta, but because i expect there to be a ton of waiting around for the former to pop up, i think it’ll be nice to weave the two together.

   depending on exactly how many encounters i get, we might be looking at weekly updates from Y, or possibly a mid-month and end-of-month update about that. Arceus, if i’m lucky, will have enough encounters to stitch together a video for. i’ll hit a bit a ton on the plans and ideas for the rest of the year, i excluded a tangent that seemed a bit much. i’ll just put it under a Keep Reading, because details can get long and i want to respect Dashes.

   first things first, the most common thing on this blog, Switch games. hopefully, there’s not gonna be much going on in Splat 3 in Feb. i’d give a sigh of relief if, if there is some event, it was at the end of the month. the rest of the year is gonna be fine, i just don’t want it crunching on the shiny hunt. i expect the DLC this year, but no sense in rushing that. the new game i got for the holidays(i’m excepting World’s End Club) are queuing up, not much to say there. if i get the majority of Distortion Pokemon in Arceus, maybe a small uptick from that afterwards.    about like a week ago, i learned i can way more easily move my teams from any game that can connect to Pokemon Home to my main files, so i want to do a Poison monotype in Shield this year. if anyone wants me to specifically try another type sooner or later, i’m open to the idea, i was thinking about it a bit and realized that Shield is a shockingly light game for me, and i won’t feel too roughed up about replaying that a bit more. that said, if i’m the only one, i already got a priority list lined up(i’m feeling Rock, ice, and Dragon, to match gens 6 & 7, and Steel, which i’ll elaborate on when i get to it, so i know now next years monotypes for X and UM). i doubt i’d do all 18 types, but i’m already considering five, what’s 13 more? maybe trim content, at that point badge completion is more a formality on my end. i don’t feel the need to do a major revisit to any other games i played before.    you know, i think i’m getting a better handle on why i like Nemona so much...

   i think the only new full game i know about this year will be Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. it’s on my radar.    that said, 30 minute(maybe more like 3 hour) break, taking a bit to look into planned releases coming up, and a quick browse through the eShop, i got myself a list of other games to keep an eye out for, i figure i’ll get them as i get them if i want to get them. i’m kinda leaning towards other Monster Master sorts of games, the three big ones i saw on there being Temtem, Coromon, and Nexomon. Temtem’s the priciest by about double, i’ll look into the trio sooner or later, see what’s up with them. Dark Souls Remastered sounds serviceable on Switch, and there’s a few others i didn’t expect to find either.

   off of the Switch, a small liveblog of Digimon Dawn, which i figure i’ll go with way less posts compared to Dusk, more so detailing differences. for that, i think i’ll aim to start mid-March. then i got some Dragon monotypes between X and Ultra Moon, the latter of which we can expect to see photos from. to better guide me on timing, i know i have a trip to visit family in July, and after that i’ll do a liveblog for a Smeargle team in Moon. maybe a handful of photos from that one? it’s kinda silly to have multiple photos of a single Pokemon over a whole game, especially since the Photo Club isn’t actually IN Moon, and it just gets sillier when the idea of doing an Ultra Moon run is still not wholly off the table in my book.    i don’t want to do a Smeargle run in Ultra Moon yet because, frankly, Molayne scares me more than Hala. this is meant to say more about Molayne than Hala, truthfully. in either case though, the relatively early Route 2 provides Smeargles in both games, so this marks the first time i won’t feel i need to trade a team in. exciting! i got a few ideas already, but i’m not gonna look up much details until later, i’m planning to do this sometime starting in July after all.