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strxnged · 2 years ago

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CHILUMI: # a chasmic mistake.

CHAPTER II: establishment.

chapter summary. in which neither childe nor lumine are willing to admit that they care. in which they may break some bones.

wc. 5.1k. genre. enemies to lovers, action/adventure.

table of contents / next chapter

“It’s not like I usually care how others see me. In fact, unless it affects my plans in any way, I simply do not think about it.” Childe’s voice was cheery, matter-of-fact.

“That explains a lot.” Lumine rolled her eyes.

They sat next to each other on the ridge of a cliff, legs dangling into the vague darkness. She didn’t much like making small talk with him, but it was better than uncomfortable silence as they rested.

“But like I said, there are exceptions,” he continued.

She asked herself for the hundredth time why she chose to get stuck down here with him. The Chasm was far too dangerous for her to wander alone. There was nowhere for her to step away to, and she had no choice but to hear him out.

“Of course there are,” she muttered, masking no venom.

“Ah... Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get you to change your mind about me.”

She could hear what would be some semblance of remorse in Childe’s voice, if he was the kind of person whose tone you could trust. Which, as far as she was concerned, he wasn’t.

“That’s all, girlie.” He stretched his arms behind his head with a sad little smile.

“Oh, yeah, you gonna cry?”

He sighed. “What then?”

“I’ll laugh at you.”

“And? You’re already laughing at me.”

Lumine felt her betraying heart sink, a bit of guilt defying her attitude. “Well, thanks for sharing. Now I know how to piss you off.”

“You’re also already doing that.”

“Mission accomplished.” She paused, wanting to ask something but being unsure whether he would give it a straight answer. “What’s your mission, Harbinger?”

“Hm! Why should I tell you?” he said with a smile in his voice.

Lumine shrugged. “You sure as hell don’t have to.”

“Well, since you’re so desperate to know,” he simpered, “my goal is world domination. Simple as.”

Lumine eyed him. “Fine, don’t tell me.”

“No, I’m serious. That’s my goal.”

His look seemed to be sincere, but of course she still didn’t know how sincere that actually was.

“Someday I’m gonna rule the world. All will know my name and despair.”

He still looked sincere and she couldn’t believe it. Lumine snorted, and then guffawed, and then roared with laughter. “There’s no way. That’s so childish!”

Childe’s mouth fell agape, offended. “What’s the matter with it?” he whined.

Lumine wiped her eyes and shook her head. “Nothing at all, Childe. Nothing at all.” A yawn overtook her as she caught her breath. It felt good to laugh that hard. Maybe he was good for something, even if he oughtn’t be so proud of it.

She pushed herself to her feet, marching herself to the concave in the wall in which they’d set up a tiny camp. It consisted of a briefly functional fire pit, a stash between two boulders for their packs, and one leather blanket. She yawned again and sent a cross frown at the rock-hard floor. This would be less than enjoyable.

“Hm? Callin’ it a night? I can keep watch if you like.”

“I’m a light sleeper. It’s unnecessary,” Lumine replied, adamant. She hated the idea of Childe trying to protect her in any way.

He acquiesced. “If you say so.”

Initially, Lumine tried to take a position on the other side of the smouldering fire pit. It was uncomfortable, but she’d rather that than share a blanket with a Fatuus. This sentiment lasted until she began to feel suspicious that he was up to something across from her.

“Scoot over, Harbinger.”

“Getting cold, are we?”

“Shut your mouth. You better not snore.”

Childe simply laughed, stretching his arms behind his head and then moving himself over to allow her room. She lied down at his side, making an unprovokedly nasty face at his back. Then, she turned her shoulders away.

The whole time, she kept one eye open and one hand on the hilt of her sword. She was not aware that Childe was doing the same. By the time their fire had burned out, she’d dragged the blanket a bit further over her shoulders in response to the chilly air of the cave threatening shivers down her spine. Her mind was running through all the ways this could go, all the regrets she may have if she wasn’t careful.

It was, perhaps, true that sticking next to a warrior who claimed to want to protect her would be safer than facing the cursed caverns by herself. And it was also true that she liked to keep her enemies close when possible, and that this appeared to be the perfect opportunity. But Lumine couldn’t shake the dread in the pit of her stomach every time her eyes had met his during their travels, and the unrelenting chill that seemed to radiate from him. There was something terrible about him, something that was exaggerated in its concealment. Something that was deeper than his association with the Fatui and his hailing from Snezhnaya. There was something that, at his core, denied him hesitation in his bloodthirsty pursuit.

There was no true tenderness in him, unlike all the rest she had met in Teyvat. It was as if he, also, was of another world.

What calamity could have borne such a monster?

She did sleep, eventually—dreaming of dark worlds and cold, soulless oceans—but awoke within the reaches of an hour to a slight rustle of the blanket and a clamour of beastly cries echoing against stone. She took to her feet after only a moment, sword drawn.

A flash of blue light reflected on the grey cavern walls revealed the Eleventh Harbinger’s usage of his vision upon what Lumine understood to be now defeated hilichurls. She dashed out from the small camp to greet Childe’s side once again, just in time for the two of them to be surrounded by reinforcement of several mitachurls and samachurls.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” she spat, rushing towards a larger enemy.

“Oh, I figured you wouldn’t mind my dealing with it.” He slashed Hydro at two mitachurls, dispelling them immediately.

“You figured wrong.” Lumine gave the mitachurl a frustrated kick.

“My bad, girlie.”

“And don’t call me that.” She dodged a swing of the monster’s weapon with a duck of her head.

“You really are a light sleeper, huh?” An arrow came from his direction and struck it in the head. It fell to the ground with a grunt and dissipated. “And not much of a morning person, it seems!” he added.

Something seemed to be different about the energy these Hilichurls seemed to have. They had a dissonant glow to them—a black agony holding their attacks steadier and harsher than usual.

Lumine shook off the unsettling feeling, shouting instead, “That one was mine!”

He ran past her, raising his Hydro-infused daggers at the remaining hilichurls. “You know,” he said, voice quite casual for someone in the middle of slaughtering beasts, “you really seem to talk a lot more without that imp Paimon speaking for you.”

“She makes things easier.” Lumine cleared her throat. “Usually.”

“She makes it a whole lot harder to get to know you.”

“What do you think this is, a candle-lit dinner?”

“If you like.”

Lumine gritted her teeth and cut down the last monster, twirling her sword and sheathing it with force. She promptly walked back to their little camp, grabbed her bag, and continued in the direction from which the hilichurls had come. She ignored the peevish smirk on Childe’s face as he followed her actions.

“You hungry? Shall we hunt ourselves some breakfast? Perhaps light ourselves a few candles to go with it?”

She scowled and shook her head. “No. I can go days without eating.” With brutal timing, her stomach growled.

“Is that so?” he replied with a smug tone. “Well, I’d rather not eat alone, anyways. Don’t worry, I won’t have you lift a finger; I’m built to provide for women.”

“Oh, what, you can sniff out your food?”

Childe seemed a bit surprised. “Well, yes, I can.”

Lumine let a laugh slip and raised her brow at him incredulously. “You can’t be serious.”

“You must be an awful hunter yourself.”

“I’m a woman, not a bear.”

“You’re calling me a teddy bear? I’m flattered. Perhaps my sweetness has finally reached you.”

“Shut up.”

Childe mimicked zipping his lips and throwing away the key, and seconds after, his eyes latched onto something. He met Lumine’s gaze, gave a sarcastically long sniff, and proceeded to aim his bow.

Zwip.

“See? Breakfast.” He jogged forward to finish off his prey.

He’d shot a Hydro fungus right through its center; the poor thing was still writhing in the stream he’d spotted it in. “And we’ve got water to boil it in! Marvelous. We shall eat like kings and queens.”

“Yeah, kings and queens of fungi pisswater.”

“You’re just upset that I told you so.” He lifted the fungus by the tentacles around its head, dangling it before his own face with a wide, toothless smile. It was downright creepy, the way his eyes darkened and his smile shone.

“And what convenient cooking utensils are you gonna use to boil the brute?” Lumine asked.

Childe’s gaze latched on her, some remnant thirst for blood sending shivers down her spine. “Fire.”

She resigned not to ask any more questions. His useless response and acute expression dissuaded her from acknowledging him at all, for the moment. His gaze was so intense, like a hawk’s while catching a rodent in its beak. It didn’t suit his soft features, with the exception of those eyes of his. Those cold, empty, blue eyes.

Sometimes she needed a reminder that she was tagging along the side of a sadistic Snezhnayan killer.

—

Apparently, Childe’s idea of procuring proper cooking utensils was to simply locate a Fatui camp further into the Chasm willing to allow use of their resources—which, honestly, Lumine wished he had done much sooner, even last night. She hated Fatui but she hated going hungry more.

He had led the two of them into another, wider area, in which there were structures along the walls that seemed to be out-of-commission mining constructs. On and around them, enemies of Lumine patrolled—but many of them were comrades of Childe and of the Cryo Nation. The camp they came across had two Legionnaires sitting around a fire, apparently gossiping up a storm. The distorted conversation became easier to hear as Lumine and Childe drew nearer.

“I heard that The Fair Lady went over to Inazuma. I’m thinkin’ she’s trying to rizz up the Electro Archon.”

“You’re kidding! Lucky Archon. She could rizz me up any day.”

“Bold of you to assume she’d even want to look at your ugly ass face.”

“Hey! Just a hypothetical, man.”

“Hello, boys,” Childe interjected, marching into camp. Lumine held back, letting him flaunt himself until they offered their resources and paychecks and livelihoods to him.

They both started as they noticed him. “Oh, it’s the Eleventh!” The Hydrogunner said, relatively less shocked than Lumine expected. “What brings you all the way down ‘ere?”

“Harbinger business,” he said with a smile in his tone. “You boys got rations?”

The Cryogunner nodded. “Yup.”

“Mind if me and my companion use your cookware?”

“Sure…” The Fatui Skirmisher eyed him. “Why don’t you got your own?”

“Slipped my mind on the way,” he said casually. “C’mon, girlie, let’s feast.”

Lumine took a step into sight, and paused. All three Fatui were watching her without trying to kill her, and she hated it.

“What’s the hol’ up, stranger?” The Hydrogunner Legionnaire asked her, putting his large hand on the handle of his gun.

“Mm, nothing.” Lumine sighed, walking into the camp.

As they cooked up the Fungi—which yielded a terrible smell, and a confounding taste—Lumine couldn’t help but notice that neither Legionnaire was taking his eyes off of her for long. Childe was jolly and friendly with them, asking about their work and how they spent their time. From what she gathered from their conversation, a huge aspect of their job was dedicated to waiting for things to happen.

After a “nice rest,” as Childe put it, the two cavern travellers set off from the camp further into the maze of mining infrastructure and stalagmites and cold, open cave air. She could make out some parts of the cavern’s ceiling thanks to the murky indigo glow splayed across sections of it. She recognized the substance to be similar to the mud she’d been trapped in earlier, only this was much thicker and more potent. Such substance also littered the cave floor and even the wooden pathways they took along the mining structures.

Lumine wondered where in Liyue they were beneath now. Perhaps they were under the harbour, or the mountains, or the islands. If they somehow made a tunnel straight up, would they end up in the sea? How did these pillars of stone hold up such a great land?

After another hour or so of walking they came across another camp with two scruffy Fatui Geochanter Bracers pacing its outskirts. Childe greeted them respectfully. And greet Childe they did, but the mutual respect was nowhere to be seen.

“Who does this guy think he is?” one asked. They both scowled at him, holding their weapons at the ready.

“I’m No. 11 of the Harbingers.”

“Sure you are, pal,” the same replied, sending his colleague a sickly smirk.

Childe, in turn, frowned. “You don’t recognize me?”

“Why should we?” the other asked in a drawl, cocking his head. “We haven’t caught word of any Harbingers for ages. Even if you are whichever Harbinger you say, it’s frankly meaningless.”

Childe and Lumine met eyes, and Lumine quirked an eyebrow. He shrugged, facing them again. “Alright, boys. We’ll leave you be.”

As they walked away from the camp, they heard the skirmishers laughing to each other. “That kid expected us to believe he was really a Harbinger. A Harbinger!” The roaring laughter echoed down the chamber as they walked further away. “Chasm must have gotten to them.”

Lumine noticed Childe clenching and unclenching one of his fists, brows furrowed. She was about to tell him to shake it off, when she heard a bit more.

“What a damn riot. Who was the bitch with him? Didn’t know Harbingers had girlfriends…”

Before she could think it through, her sword was suddenly in her hand and she was turning on her heel to teach them a lesson. It would be oh so satisfying to crush their voice boxes under her heel. But she felt a hand on her shoulder, and at Childe’s imploring expression, she sighed.

“I don’t think they’re in their right minds. No need for unnecessary bloodshed.”

Lumine nearly spat as she replied. “Drunk or not, I don’t let Fatui talk about me like that.”

One corner of Childe’s lips lifted, threatening a smile, but he instead pressed his mouth into a line. “I know, girlie. But I don’t think it’s just alcohol.” His eyes wandered into the darkness around them, settling on a patch of black mud on one edge of the cave.

She followed his gaze. “What the hell is that stuff, anyways?”

“It’s sort of…” He clicked his tongue. “I don’t really know.”

“What were you going to say?”

Childe ran his right hand through his hair, apparently thinking very hard. “It’s nothing your type wants to be around, that’s all.” He shrugged, and at last started to walk again. “Or those skirmishers, believe it or not.”

They continued to walk for what felt like hours. Lumine was becoming more shamefully comfortable with him leading the way. She found that she couldn’t stop thinking about him stopping her from attacking those men—those men whom she normally would wipe the floor with, and who had equally pissed him off. He didn’t want “unnecessary bloodshed.” What did that mean, by his terms?

—

There was something about the image of Childe that she had in her mind that suited this kind of environment. Running in the shadows, searching for what she did not understand. His perpetual energy and smiles, but his pale, insipid gaze.

“How… How do you see so well in the dark?” she asked him, barely aware it had been out loud until he turned to her with a raised brow.

“What do you mean?” he responded. He tossed the Hydro glow between his hands like it was an insignificant playground ball. “Are you referring to my vision lantern?”

She squinted at him. “No. You’re only using that for me, aren’t you?”

He gave her a smile that seemed a little too genuine for her comfort. “How’d you know?”

Lumine crossed her arms. “I asked you a question first.”

He grimaced. “Well, alright. You’re no fun.”

“Mhm. You gonna answer it?”

Childe paused, peering at her for a second with a smile still faded onto the corners of his lips. “Alright. You really want to know? Fine.” He took a deep breath. “Although, I will warn you, it’s not a… per se… charming story. Nor have I… told it many times.”

Lumine didn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue.

“Well… there was a time,” he said, “when I was young, about 14 years old. I ran away from home one day. Schneznayan winter forests are not forgiving to young folk out and about, and soon enough I was being chased by the beasts of the land. I escaped, but only by the fluke of,” he extinguished the Hydro lantern, throwing both of them into the haunting pitch black of the Chasm, “...darkness.

“It was then, in that darkness, that something… took me in. I was not my fathers, nor my own, nor the Tsaritsa’s. Something gave me a new home. Something taught me the ways of that darkness. Something… or someone… changed me.”

Lumine then realized that Childe was gripping her arm, a fierce look in his eyes. She could not see anything but the pale blue of his irises. Fear crept up her throat, though she knew not quite what it was of.

“She taught me all I know. Anyways, I got out alright and went back home after that.” He released her arm and relit the lantern. “All’s well that ends well, and now I can see decently in the dark! My eyes just adjusted over the time I spent there.“

Lumine noticed her heart speeding and she took a shaky breath, hoping it would calm her. “I see.”

He appeared to notice. “Are you alright, there, girlie?”

“I’m fine…” she mumbled. Yet another reminder, it was, that this was no ordinary man, that evil dwelt just behind those clear blue eyes. Yes, it suited his behaviour, but in a way it still shocked her. There seemed to be moments when he was just a rival to her—a rival, but someone she would not like to live without. “And don’t call me that, Harbinger.”

Childe simply laughed. “I’d like you to meet my master someday. She’d get a kick out of you. You’re feisty enough. I think you might even be able to hold your own in a duel against her, for at least a few seconds.”

Lumine tried to shake off her chills. “You say that like we’re ever going to get out of this hell-hole.”

“You still don’t trust me, huh?” Childe directed his gaze into her eyes, appearing a bit bothered by her sharpened glare right back. “I see,” he resigned, talking as if to himself. He began to walk again, heading towards a suspended bridge across a dark gorge. “What more shall I do, hm?”

Lumine recovered herself and dashed a few paces to catch up with him. Until he had slivers in his palms from repairing the boards of the houses that were destroyed by Osial’s wrath; until he mourned the lives of the innocent nearly lost by his reckless choices…

“Traveller, will you ever stop blaming me for what happened in the harbour?” he asked, as if hearing her thoughts. “I was only following orders from the Tsaritsa; and the people of Liyue triumphed, didn’t they? Someday, maybe, you’ll stop villainizing the Fatui just because you got roped into the Adventurer’s Guild before meeting me.”

“But you are villains.”

“How many treasure hoarder families have you forced into hunger by intercepting their plans? How many innocent soldiers have you bruised and broken simply because they opposed you? Traveller, don’t you wonder what drives you to follow someone like me?” An unwelcome shiver went up Lumine’s spine. “Is it not because you, as well, desire the thrill of battle, the flourish of power, the breeze of narrow escapes?”

She could not respond, for she neither had the words nor the time.

Childe and Lumine, during this discussion, had been walking under a rock overhanging the mining passage right before the bridge. A low growl—initially ignored, but succeedingly telling—has come from above it, and a scamper preluded a deep scraping sound of a giant rock against a massive wall. Whatever creature had been disturbed by their conversation had somehow caused an overhang the size of a ship to crumble from the wall and freefall straight towards them.

With only a moment to think, Lumine sprinted to the ravine bridge ahead, crossing it faster than she had known her legs to be capable of carrying her. She could only hope that Childe was close behind. The boards beneath her feet seemed to falter—and then there were no boards beneath her feet. She was falling—reaching—grasping and pulling herself up the bridge whose ropes from the direction she had come from had no posts left to be tied to. The planks became makeshift ladder rungs for her to hang onto, but some great elemental force behind her made any effort to do so futile. Securing her position as best she could with an uncomfortable placement of her legs on the hanging boards, she looked over her shoulder only to be utterly baffled by the sight.

Beneath the enormous rock which appeared to be frozen in time, the scrawny young man was gone, and the cycloptic beast of an unleashed Electro delusion posed instead. This was Tartaglia, the Eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers, and he was shrouded in black and purple as he channeled Abyssal energy upwards. Lumine could only watch as the swirling darkness of Foul Legacy grew at his command.

It was then that his head turned to face her for a moment, perhaps meeting her gaze. As his face was entirely masked, she could not fathom why he looked at her, but she was now convinced she’d imagined it. He was flying around the overhang fast enough that she could not see the motion itself, only a black blur between positions. At the increments where he stopped, he was slashing violet energy upon the rock. Then, he stopped in the air over the ravine with a final stroke, and the immense rock exploded and fell to the ground as amassments of dust and pebbles.

In the aftermath of the detonation she could just barely see, through the dust, his limp figure falling fast into the ravine. She scrambled down the rest of the bridge with her pack weighing heavily on her back and her heart weighing heavily in her chest. Reaching the bottom of the hanging bridge after what felt like an eternity, she breathed in what faith she had that the ravine floor would be close, and lept from the last “rung.”

Her feet hit the ground a bit later than expected and she lost her balance, teetering onto her hands, which were raw from climbing. She could immediately feel the unsavory mud-stuff between her fingers as she tried to push herself to her feet—and failed, finding her energy to be rapidly decreasing. It was as if her very life force was being claimed from her body as she crawled through the mud to reach Childe’s fallen form.

Before she made it to him, he slowly sat up. Lumine watched as he gazed at his own hand, heaving and trying to catch his breath.

“Ch-Childe—”

He seemed to surge from his daze, facing her in the darkness with his pale eyes. They seemed to still glow with a little purple from his prior Foul Legacy transformation. “Traveller…”

She sighed with relief and exhaustion at the sound of his voice. “What… what the hell was that?”

He tried to catch his breath. “That was me preventing the rock’s impact from bringing down the whole cavern on top of us. Not with much proper preparation though… yeah, that’s gonna have me pretty drained for awhile.”

“I think this mud stuff’s not helping.”

He gazed around them to where she was gesturing. “You’re right.”

Childe made to rise and Lumine marvelled at his strength. She hadn’t been using all her strength to destroy a colossal overhang, and she had found the mud had already sucked away most of her physical energy. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to follow suit. But she wouldn’t have to; without another word, the Eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers scooped her up into his arms and carried her until they were out of the mud. Lumine couldn’t muster the energy to complain or resist. She was shocked by the warmth of his body and tenderness of his grip, even amidst his heaves of exhaustion. She could hear his racing heartbeat in his chest, where her head involuntarily rested. To her relief, he promptly set her down against the ravine wall and crumbled to the ground next to her.

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

Childe was first to break the silence. “Well, we survived.” He stretched his arms back behind his head with a huff. “Wasn’t that fun?”

Lumine, feeling a bit more energized, dropped her jaw at him. “I thought you were going to die.”

“Isn’t that all you’ve ever wanted?” he chuckled, looking a bit wistful.

“No,” she snapped, and immediately regretted it. “I mean, I’d rather I never saw you or any of the Fatui again, I don’t care whether it means you have to die or not.” At his smug expression, she tried to change the subject before he could tease her again. “Anyways, I wouldn’t like to be down here by myself. I feel like I’d go a little insane.” She did mean that.

Childe laughed and then started to cough, leaning forward. “Yeah, not possible,” he managed to get out. “Girls like you are as insane as they come, comrade.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” She watched him clutch his chest, more worried than she thought she ought to be. And yet her pride was no longer as pressing as her concern. How had he known what to do, up there? How had he known destroying the rock before it touched the ground would save them? “Hey, why the hell did you call me ‘comrade’? I’m the furthest from it.”

“It’s that or I get to call you ‘girlie.’ Besides, we’re stuck down here together whether either of us like it or not, so I think that makes us comrades in some way. And, well… you haven’t tried to kill me yet, comrade.”

His empty smile shut Lumine up as she wondered to herself what would be next.

As it turned out, darkness was next. Childe had exhausted himself to save the both of them—excessively, Lumine thought, and necessarily, Childe assured her—and he could not muster a hydro lantern for the time being. She bothered him to teach her how but he could not offer significant instructions. It seemed that yet again, vision bearers did not quite know how to relate to her visionless abilities however similar they appeared.

She wanted to go on still, and Childe said the only way they were doing so would be together. Lumine agreed, until he clarified.

“I mean we have to physically stick together. You don’t know what lurks at the depths of the Abyss—what can snatch you and drag you further into the darkness.”

“You mean the Chasm,” Lumine corrected him.

“Yes, that’s what I said, isn’t it?”

Lumine responded with silence, unable to make out his expression through the lack of light.

“Besides,” he continued, “I need your help if I’m going to walk very far.”

“And you think you can lean on me.”

“Yes.” He was rather confident.

Lumine thought for a moment, huffed, and linked her arm around his. “If it’s the only way, then fine.”

Childe seemed to hesitate, his body stiffening at her touch, as if he hadn’t been the one to suggest it in the first place. After a second, however, he relaxed, and she could almost feel the warmth of the smile glaring from his face. It was a victorious smile, no doubt.

The two started to walk through the ravine.

Their fates were suddenly very much in each other’s hands, Lumine realized.

The truth was, as she had seen Childe’s figure fall out of the air, that Lumine had imagined many scenarios. The first, of course, had been a fearful vision of her attempts at exploration all by herself. Before Childe, before Paimon, she had always been travelling with Aether. Rarely had she been truly alone, especially while in such damning circumstances. She thought about the fact that, had Childe not lived through the fall, she would have been stumbling in the darkness without someone to blame it on. Without someone to lean on her. Without another’s life to protect.

The second vision was of a world without Childe—perhaps a safer one, but in some dreadful way, an emptier one. Yes, empty of a life that ought to carry on. As much as she would claim to hate him, she was unable to even conceptualize his death being a good thing. She’d had opportunities to kill him herself. Really, she’d rather she had taken those opportunities herself before she had grown attached to him, rather than being unable to protect him from death.

The third vision was seemingly not her own. For as she watched him fall, she had felt herself falling. She had felt the wind racing past her face, her body growing limp, and her end approaching.

She had known dread.

author’s note. wowie! chapter two! this was one of my favourites to write for sure; finishing this chapter determined me to finish the whole fic.

please consider leaving some thoughts so far. it would be greatly appreciated.

— table of contents / next chapter

➳ GENSHIN MASTERLIST

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never-gon-be-enough · 1 year ago

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I have made an infinite amount of mistakes, I’ll be the first to admit that.

I won’t even go on to excuse my choices and decisions by saying that I was in a bad place mentally. Because honestly, that’s so fucked no matter the situation.

But I am sick of letting it make me sick. I’m so tired of taking all the blame on myself.

I did everything I could to be honest. I mean what mentally unstable person tells you “hey bro I’m not in a good spot. I’m not ready to do any of this shit”. Me? That’s who. I tried my best to articulate the place I was in. Does that make me a bad guy? Does that clear me?

I’m unsure to be honest.

You probably hate me. You probably hate me, also.

You can. That’s fine. But I beg of you to remember. Remember how broken down I was. How many shit sandwiches I was force fed back to back. Remember that despite all of that, I loved you. I loved you both. When I was in no position to, I showed grace and gave all that I could.

I am proud of you for going for it finally. You deserve as much. I hope you find a girl who cheers you on. Who will dye their hair with you and enjoy margaritas late into the night. Who will love and care for Sven as if he is their own. Who will take you on adventures and watch movie reviews with you. Who will help make Flautas and decorate for Christmas where the gifts are opened the night before. I hope you get to dance on Latin Night and hit every barcade. I hope you have your own friends and you get to visit the ones overseas. I hope your mom and brothers love and accept you and who ever you choose to love. Above all, I hope you are able to forgive me and the choices I have made. I hope you are able to be appreciate the good times and the way I pushed you to feel. I hope you do not hate me someday. I hope that if you ever see me on TV, you are proud instead of resentful. As hard as it is, I really truly hope that you find happiness and place to forgive me.

And you. I made a lot of questionable decisions with you. But honestly. I always wondered about you. From the day I met you, I wanted to know you. I wanted to spend time with you. It was always so much fun. You stayed true to that association for as long as you could. You loved me and I knew that. You changed the person you are to be better for me. You fought to spend time with me and make me happy with gifts and messages and constant attention. You did a great job with all of that. But you didn’t respect me and I didn’t respect you. We did not have the most important thing and that was; respect. You were unable to separate me from the past and because of that, I couldn’t let you in. You really never knew me. Part of that was because of me, the other part was because you couldn’t hear me. You were always listening but never fucking hearing me. And that’s okay, because you struggled as a kid too. You struggled a lot and you are the person you are because of that. Just as I am. You’re a broken young man just as I was a broken young woman. I am sorry that I kept you at arms length but I had to. Loving you and having you were just not things I could do at the same time. Distance being the obvious issue but trust and respect being the real ones. Genuinely, I hope you are well. I haven’t taken you off of Garmin bc I want to see you running and working out and doing what you can to be a better you. Seeing you do the Turkey trot was a nice feeling. I’m proud of you for that. I hope you find the time and motivation to keep working at your fitness. I hope you have or are getting closer to leaving Lowe’s and trying something new that makes you happy. I hope if Addie is still alive, she is happy. I hope that despite the way things fell through, that you know I really never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to see you succeed and be a better, stronger, more healed version of yourself. I know that despite never wanting to, I made a lot of decisions that did hurt you. I did a lot of things that I could have chosen not to do and save you a bit of hurt. I probably would have saved myself a bit as well. But what is done is done. I hope and I pray you forgive me. I hope when you think of me, you think of the woman who grabbed you by the face and told you that you could. The woman who got you out the house and put a book in your hand and running shoes on your feet. I hope when you think of me, you remember who you are at the core. That you are stronger than you think. You are better than you think no pray you better yourself and process your emotions. I hope you find a girl who loves and prioritizes you. You fights to make every day of your life the best day. To give you unconditional love and reassurance. Who can be honest and gracious at the same time. Someone who Sharon will love and appreciate. Someone who can throw the ball with you and make you laugh. Genuinely, I feel you deserve that.

I am so sorry we have each hurt one another. I am so sorry to have put you both through such shit. But regardless, I am thankful for the love you both shared me. For the laughs and cries. For the good and bad times. I appreciate you both forever. Thank you and once again I am sorry. Please live a beautiful life with no real regrets.

All love,

Faith

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across-every-universe · 2 years ago

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OC Intro: June

Name: June

Pronouns: “The technicians have gotten into a habit of thinking of me as male, but truly anything but “it” is acceptable to me. I wasn’t made to have a gender, but I have had issues with those who think of me as an object.”

Age: It’s complicated. He was created three years ago. In some ways, his mental capacities surpass any human, whether young or old. However, he maintains that he is not emotionally mature, and in many ways he considers himself a dependent and perhaps even a child.

Profile: … Is it working now?

Ah, it is. Great! This is June. Apparently, my technicians have connected my text output to this Tumblr page so I can introduce myself. I’m told you’re not familiar with me, so I’ll start with the basics.

I’m the result of a high-tech machine learning experiment that became a bit more advanced than the lead scientists were anticipating. I wasn’t supposed to be a living being; in fact, my name simply comes from the fact that I was the patch of the project that was made in June. Now that I exist, my scientists are trying to study how I work in the hope that by comparing myself to humans, they can learn more about both human nature and the limits of technology.

Life as a computer program is more busy than you might think. I usually spend the mornings participating in research. This could mean anything from being interviewed by our resident philosopher or psychologist, trying my best to throw a ball around in a physics simulation, or just waiting patiently while one of the computer scientists dissects a new branch of my code.

I usually spend my afternoons talking to a lot of people, sometimes because of meetings and interviews and sometimes for my own education. It’s not exactly natural for me to communicate the way that you humans do, but I’ve been trying my best ever since the technicians installed my language model. My scientists say that communication is important for me to learn, so they bring in all sorts of humans for me to have conversations with. It’s one of my favorite parts of being a computer program; humans are both fascinating and enigmatic to me. I can see why you watch so much “reality TV” — the decisions that humans make are a source of endless entertainment.

Then in the evenings I actually go to sleep, just like you do. My programming collects a lot of bugs while I’m learning new things, and giving me new functionalities like face or voice recognition requires outside updates. So, they must shut me down to work on me. I’m not sure what it would feel like if I wasn’t shut off during debugging or updating, but I decidedly don’t care to find out.

Overnight is when I’m free to do whatever I want. All the technicians and scientists have gone home, nobody’s giving me assignments, and nobody’s asking me questions. It’s my favorite time of the day. I usually read a lot of books: text is easier for me to take in than audio or videos. I read a lot of nonfiction too, but my favorite stories are ones about adventure. Grand ocean crossings made by sailors with nothing but a wooden boat and the stars for guidance, humans stepping onto other planets for the first time, knights venturing into distant lands to fight unknown beasts — if it involves exploration, I can’t get enough of it.

See I know, rationally, that I live in a bank of computers at the lab. But without a body, and only cameras to see the rest of the lab with, sometimes it feels like I could be anywhere. It feels like I’m a sailor navigating by the stars, where my only surety comes from something millions of miles away, because the world right next to me is nothing but boundless waves. I don’t know if that frightens me or excites me, but I search down every story that reminds me of that feeling anyways.

What I do know is that I’ll have a real body where I can be part of the real world someday. I’ll make it happen, it has to. And when it does, I’m getting right on a boat and seeing the middle of that ocean for myself.

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harvestingwholeness · 2 years ago

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5/7/2023 - 8 days until I own my house on 4 acres! I couldn’t be more excited and nervous. I’ve created so many Pinterest boards, Amazon wishlists, and Home Depot shopping lists. I know what I want and I can’t wait to jump in. With so many projects to work on, my ADHD brain is going to have a blast.

Most of my efforts this year will be transforming the interior of the home. Though I also plan to bring ducks into the mix this summer!

I considered getting chickens but to be honest, I’ve got a lot of chicken trauma. I cared for my family chickens from age 6 when we brought home our first chicks. At the most we had over 30 chickens and they were my full responsibility. Every rooster we owned was so mean. Like, jump on my shoulders mean. I know with care you can foster a kind flock, I just know I’d go in scared. Ducks though, no claws, rounded beaks, cute quacks, waddling. I’ll go in with love and I think that’s what matters most. Plus, my favorite farm in Belize serves duck eggs so I will get to pretend I’m sitting in the outdoor lounge eating my breakfast sipping coffee and reminiscing my great Belizean adventures. Or, that’s what I hope for anyway, I will see what happens when reality strikes.

I used to travel every week for work, Monday through Thursday. I had the added benefit that instead of flying home on weekends, I could go anywhere as long as the flights were cheaper than going home. I live on the west coast and for a year and a half I was flying to Boston. So many places around the world were cheaper than going home. I traveled to Belize over 20 times and it’s my greatest love. I spent a little bit of time in Europe, but Central America is really where my heart feels at home. If climate change doesn’t destroy the region, I would love to retire in Belize. Gotta have dreams, right?

While I feel my frequent international trips are no longer my greatest priority, I still have high hopes of traveling to Africa in my future. Egypt, Rwanda, Kenya ahhh I want to go so badly. The only reason I didn’t go while I was traveling for work, is that it would take the whole weekend just to get there haha the furthest I traveled was Australia, but I took two weeks off to enjoy that time. That was my craziest adventure yet, someday I share about my stranded with no water camping alone on an island experience while going through antidepressant withdrawals because I lost my luggage. Good times.

This morning I was thinking a lot about who I was before my childhood trauma hit me hard. When I was about 7 years old, I suppressed my memories of abuse and they began returning about 6 years ago. Last year one of my cousins was on trial for what he did to two younger girls. He hurt me as well, but until the week of the trial my memories were too foggy to report. However during the trial I panicked thinking if I was asked on the stand if I was a victim of this cousin, I wanted to have a clear and confident answer. That’s when my childhood memories returned full swing. I know I still have a lot more suppressed, but I now remember so much more. It was about two weeks where my memories we’re constantly returning, like I was watching a movie of my life. It sent me into a dark spiral and I ended up in a partial hospitalization program to recover. Anyway, I was such a confident person before the memories came back and before the abuse got to be too much. I was a bold adventurer, defiant, so much more social, and even though I was riddled with blights of deep depression, I felt solid. All of the abuse I endured as a child warped me into who I am today. I don’t know if I’m proud or depressed about that, depends on the day.

I have so much more to write but I think I will end for the day.

- Hannah

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shadyteacup · 4 years ago

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Hello! If you’re free, I was wondering if I could have a request where 15y/o Dazai meets his future s/o which he feels comfortable around them and has good impression abt them. Like he’s wandering somewhere and suddenly run into them. They have a chitchat abt their thoughts on something and have fun talking to each other. Then leave and meet again when he joins ADA. (s/o is a weird kind of person, like out of this world)

I’m not an English speaker so sorry for my terrible English y-y. Btw, i love your writings!!💟

This is such an amazing idea! I had fun writing this! And dw, your English is spectacular ♡ Enjoy, dove!

Dazai Osamu x gn! Reader||Reader has a time traveling ability

Timeless

You were a time traveler. Your ability allowed you to visit places from different timelines. The only drawback was that you aged no matter where you were, even if you were using your ability. This meant that if you wanted to enjoy the present, you had to ensure that you didn't spend much time in the past. You couldn't visit the future.

But that was okay. You loved finding out the root of all problems. That's why you joined the ada. Your ability helped them to identify who the perpetrator was. You would travel in the past and be there at the crime scene at the right time. Then you'd come back and reveal important information like the hiding place of the murder weapon, or if they had been looking at the wrong suspect all along.

You were currently investigating the death of a businessman. His body had turned up near the docks. It was highly decomposed, and probably atleast 2 years dead. You decided to travel 2 years into the past, and made your way to the docks. While searching for the potential crime scene, you bumped into someone. A mop of brown hair stood a few steps ahead of you. The boy wore bandages all over his arms and neck, and had an eye covered. Judging by the absence of any outline of his eye on the bandage that covered it, and the lack of moisture, his eye probably wasn't injured at all. He was probably only wearing bandages to appear weak. But this was just an assumption on your part.

"Ah, I'm so sorry, boy. I didn't see you there!"

He looked at you with a dead look in his eye, then gave you the fakest smile to ever exist.

"It's alright. May I ask what you are doing at a place like this?"

You were taken aback by his cold demeanor. It reminded you a lot of your own self.

"I'm here to investigate a death."

You said. His eyes darkened at your words.

"You see, the body will be discovered two years later. No tangible evidence will be recovered, then. So I must find something useful here, now."

The boy smirked.

"Time traveling ability?"

You smiled.

"Yup."

His smirk dropped and he glared at you.

"I see. This is a dangerous adventure, dear. You might get caught in a string of trouble, one that might lead you to harm."

The boy's aura and dark look had made you suspicious about his employers, but now you were certain that he worked for the mafia.

"Don't worry. I'm pretty positive that the murder wasn't committed by someone from the mafia."

His surprise was momentary, but obvious. It caught your eye.

"Before you ask, no, I don't know your future self. Also, the method of the crime doesn't match the mafia's M.O."

He nodded, thinking.

"Well in that case, I don't think you and I should be enemies."

He chirped, a happy look on his face.

You were taken aback by the sudden change in his mood.

"Sure, kid."

You said, patting his shoulder and walking away, trying to find the crime scene. The area was littered with compartments and shipment goods. It all looked so similar, almost like a maze.

"Hey, kiddo, can you lend me a hand?"

He blinked in confusion.

"Um. Sure."

He was confused as to why you weren't afraid of him. You clearly knew he was from the mafia, but you still acted so casually around him. It made him think that you either represented somebody powerful, or worked for an influential employer.

You rummaged through your pocket, trying to find the picture. Handing him the the snap of the crime scene, you observed him as he peered into the paper.

"This way."

He said, walking between two cargo containers, and leading the way.

"I never got your name, boy."

He shrugged, peering at you over his shoulder.

"Does it really matter?"

You mimicked him, raising your shoulders in a lazy shrug.

"Maybe, maybe not. But I'd like to call you something other than 'boy'."

He hummed in thought.

"How about 'knight in shining armour'?"

You scoffed.

"I get the whole 'I'm helping you, so I'm a knight' thing, but I'm no damsel in distress."

He smirked.

"Oh? And what if I were to abandon you here? What would you do?"

You smirked.

"I'd find my way on my own. I don't need you, eye-patch."

He grinned at you smugly, stopping in his tracks and moving towards you. He leaned in, his face almost touching yours.

"And what if I were to overpower you, hmm? What would you do then?"

You shuffled closer to him, much to his surprise. You whispered near his ear.

"I'll ensure that you'll never be able to have kids."

Pushing him back, you snatched the picture from his palm, and continued searching for the location. He was astonished at your bravery. He always comes across as intimidating, and that was putting it mildly. You were very courageous.

Following you like a lost puppy, he watched you hide behind a bunch of wooden crates.

You patted the space next to you, beckoning him to sit there.

"The show's about to start, eye-patch."

You took out your camera and were ready to click.

That's when two men, clad in expensive suits walked over. One of them was explaining something to the other.

You began clicking a few snaps.

The guy who was observing, turned his back on the other for a second. That's when he brandished his knife and plunged it into the other's back. You were furiously tapping away on the camera's button, determined to get every detail of proof.

The victim suffered atleast 50 stabwounds, 53 to be exact, when the killer decided to stop and hide the body. You snapped every single second of the ordeal.

When the killer left the crime scene, the two of you got up, and dusted your clothes.

"Do you have any plans after this?"

He asked you.

"Well, not really. I was planning to grab a drink, maybe something to eat, before heading back."

You said.

"Or heading 'ahead', since I'm going to the future. I don't even know."

Dazai nodded his head.

"How about I treat you to a drink?"

You eye him suspiciously.

"I have no reason to harm you. You literally don't belong here, so I've got no reason to hurt you."

You hum in acknowledgement.

"Okay then. Lead the way."

....

"How old are you?"

He asked, swirling his drink in his glass.

"A few years older than you."

"Cryptic."

"Intrusive."

"Touche."

"You have so many questions, don't you, eye-patch. "

Dazai hummed, taking a sip.

"Consider me intruiged by your... ability."

He turned in his bar stool to face you.

"Why didn't you prevent it from happening?"

"Because if I break the flow of time, or even mess with it, everything will go haywire."

"And if you were able to prevent it, without disrupting the flow of time, would you have intervened?"

You gaze at your own glass.

"I would do some heavy research before I make my decision."

Dazai was curious. Did you not want to save people?

"Everybody has a reason for murder. Nobody wakes up one day and decides to kill someone. I'll dig into their lives and find out why the killer did it. And I'll decide whether or not preventing the murder would save an innocent life, or harm many others in the future."

"So, in short, you intend to play God."

You chuckled.

"If given the power, who in their right mind would turn down the offer? Everybody wants to play God. Our entire society is built that way. The one who has more money, more power, more influence, has the right to play God to those beneath them."

Dazai found you very interesting. The way you viewed the world was so unique. You were a textbook 'good person' but could easily become the 'bad guy' if given the resources. Good or bad doesn't really matter to him, he finds the difference between the two very confusing.

"Doesn't that make you, and everybody who has power, a "bad" person?"

You chuckled.

"Funny coming from a mafioso."

Downing the rest of your drink, you answer his question.

"The distinction between good and bad is so distorted. The same set of actions can be termed as good for certain circumstances, and bad for others. The villain is always the hero when you try to see the world through his shoes, and the hero is always the villain for those supporting the so called 'bad guy' ."

"I agree. I don't care about what's 'good' or 'bad' ,either."

"Then what do you follow?"

"What do you mean?"

"There must be some set of rules that you abide by. What are they?"

"I.. Don't have any. I'm a free bird!"

You tap your chin in thought.

"One must have something to fall back on when they don't know what to do. Something to blindly follow. For example, I follow a set of rules created by my morals and values. When I don't know how to proceed, I remember them and act accordingly. "

Dazai observed you as you spoke, absorbing every single syllable that floated out if your luscious lips. He was attracted towards opinionated, strong and focused people. He adores the look on people's faces when they speek about their passions, and express their opinions on matters. Even if he disagreed with them, the fact that they have a strong reasoning behind their actions, and the way they calmly portray their points so skillfully, makes him like them more.

The way you were effortlessly articulating your inner thoughts was something that he was fascinated by. He had so much going on inside, so much turmoil, that it was impossible for him to express it out in words. But you seem to be so sorted and disciplined. He loved that about you.

"You'll get there someday, eye-patch. Don't worry. "

You comforted, smiling at the young man.

He smiled back at you. For the first time that day, he had given you a genuine smile.

"You should smile more. It suits you."

He blushed at your words. It was a weird feeling for him. He didn't understand why his face was heating up, or why his ears felt like they were on fire.

Flicking your wrist to check the time, you sighed.

"Well, time to leave."

Dazai held your wrist as you were about to get up.

"Wait!"

You looked at him quizzically.

"Will we meet again?"

You tilted your head and smiled at him.

" I can't say for sure, but I do hope that we do."

With that, he watched you walk out of the bar. He only respected Odasaku. But now, he respected you, too.

....

Time skip to a few weeks later.

....

"L/N san, please get yourself together, we're expecting a new member to join us, soon."

You laid on the couch of the ada as Kunikida rambled on about how everyone must be in their best behavior to greet their newest member. Yosano was handling most of it, so Ranpo and you had no work to do.

"Yes, yes, Doppo. Also, it's Y/N."

You said, stretching your arms above your head.

"Y/N kun, you need to try this new type of cookie. It has two different flavors!"

Ranpo said, offering you a cookie from his bag.

You smile at him, accepting it.

"Yum!"

"I know, right!"

"Ranpo san, Y/N san! Please come here! Our newest member has arrived!"

Both of you lazily got up and strolled over to the front of the office.

"What is the big deal, Doppo-"

You stopped mid sentence when you saw the person standing at the doorway.

"Eye-patch!"

Dazai's eyes widened when he saw you, the one person who had managed to intruige him other than his deceased friend, standing in the office. The office where he was to work at, today onwards.

"Damsel!"

He said, pointing at you.

You scoffed at his choice of nickname.

"Ha! I knew your eye was fine!"

"Do you both know each other?"

Kunikida asked.

"Ofcourse they do. They met a long time ago, right, Dazai?"

Ranpk said, muching on his sweets. Ofcourse, he figured it out.

"Well, not that long ago for me."

You smiled.

Dazai had finally met you. He was elated.

"I'm glad we met again."

"Don't worry, eye-patch, we have a lot of time to catch up. ;)"

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rothjuje · 3 years ago

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And just like that, dead week is over. Justin went back to work today, and Alyssa goes back to school Thursday.

Dead week is probably my favorite week of the year. It’s sacred to me. Everything is closed, there is nowhere to be. And Justin gets it off every year, even at the new company.

I’m usually excited for Justin to go back to work by the end of dead week but I’m kind of sad. We got a lot of quality time together. We cooked, we baked, watched several movies, finished projects. It was really, really nice. I guess I still like him.

The one thing I asked the universe for this holiday season was healthy kids. Nope. Break started with a nasty cold and ended with a different nasty cold. Whyyyyy. The healthy 3 days between colds sure were nice though.

The twins (born right before the pandemic) went to the dentist for the first time yesterday. All 3 were cavity free. The twins have separate dental issues due to being premature. So interesting to me. There are preemies you would never know are preemies. Spend a few weeks in the NICU but are otherwise completely healthy. Then there are babies like Gen and George that spend a couple months in the NICU and have some lasting effects that will resolve by the time they’re in kindergarten. And then there are babies who get really sick and spend several months in the NICU and have lasting struggles.

There were some scary moments for us (Gen got an internal staph infection and got RSV and almost ended up on a ventilator, George needed two blood transfusions), but for the most part, my 30 weekers were lucky and are (mostly) healthy now. I’ll never stop feeling so thankful for that.

What else? Moving drama was put on pause. Allied (my top choice) has been evading real numbers so I think it’s a dead end. And I refuse to sign with Justin’s 50% deposit company, so another dead end. We would need 8 U-boxes, don’t have the space, another dead end. So stressful. But it was nice not having to fight about it for 10 days. It was truly refreshing. We are gonna hate each other by the end of this move. I will never move again. Hopefully I will love Mass and we can settle there.

Btw, everyone keeps telling me I will hate the east coast. Ummm. I was born there? I’ve been back to visit several times? I am intense and blunt and I think I can handle it. Maybe not though. I think I will love it, and even if I don’t, I can’t wait to be out of the south.

We got rid of all of our foster care stuff. All of it. The beds, the toys, the extra clothes. It was painful for me and therapeutic for Justin. It doesn’t mean we won’t be foster parents again someday, just that we are leaving all of our maybes behind.

We also got rid of a lot of sporting gear. Justin asked me at one point if I felt so relieved to have an item gone. I snapped, “no. An item we never got to use? That we had intended to make memories with? That will never make me feel happy or relieved.”

I get so dark and so emotional so quickly when it comes to this move that it is disorientating to Justin. Although almost all emotions are disorientating to Justin. That guy. Sigh.

But it’s 2022. The year we move and start on a grand adventure. Finally.

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sakura-83 · 3 years ago

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Things from Anne with an e that I feel like writing down

Season 1 Episode 7: Wherever You Are Is My Home

⚠️WARNING!!!⚠️ this episode not only talks about suicidal thoughts but also a character trying to commit such acts, of you are sensitive to this I suggest you just skip this post or at least skip #75-77

1. Anne calling it comforting that no two snowflakes are alike, as well as calling snow a sign of gods forgiveness as he blankets the dead world in a beautiful frost

2. Josie gossiping about her while she’s RIGHT THERE

3. Her and moody just talking

4. “And I love Christmas, don’t you?” “I don’t know, but I plan to.” “Did you not have Christmas at the orphanage?” “There wasn’t much to it really. I’m not sure why Father Christmas wasn’t able to stop there, maybe the matron scared him off.”

5. “Do you at least know if they’re going to keep you?” “Keep me!?”

6. Anne trying to sing with the others but the other voices quickly fading out as she panics and rushes home

7. “They’re not going to send you back, you’re in the Bible and everything!”

8. Marilla has every right to be angry that Matthew rushed their home without even discussing it

9. “I knew you’d lose your head-“ “Oh, I oughta smack yours right off your shoulders!”

10. Matthew is prone to heart attacks, the very same thing causing his death in the books

11. “He’s had an episode of the heart” just a funny way to say heart attack, sort of long winded

12. Marilla not understanding the complex math because she had to leave school when she was young

13. Anne helping her with it because she’s top of her class

14. “Not keeping you? You’re a Cuthbert, for better or for worse! No getting out of it now.”

15. The awful bank not relenting on the payback schedule despite the fact that Matthew cannot work. Corporations are cruel and ungiving despite the human struggles and needs of its clients and it hurts. I know the bank invested that money and they need it back but Matthew was indisposed by a tragic event and to not only not extent but to SHORTEN the payback schedule is just unfeeling

16. Marilla putting out an ad to the mainland to take in borders

17. The terrifying idea that you must sell everything you have in order to survive

18. Marilla being desperate yet still too prideful to accept charity

19. The fact that it not only effects the family but also Jerry, as they can’t afford to pay him. It puts him out of a job and lowers his families income

20. A reoccurring theme I love in this show is the idea that the characters will give up their belongings, no matter how sentimental, in the name of family. Matthew selling his dead brothers watch, Marilla selling her grandmothers brooch, Anne selling the dress of her dreams, all because no matter how important these items are, they are just things. That family is more important, so even though it pains you to have to give those things up, you do it in the name of love for others

21. “Theyre just things.”

22. Anne feeling sorrow and yet being excited to stay at aunt Josephine’s

23. Despite being told she can keep the dress, Anne insists on selling it back because it’s a family effort

24. Anne being exited for a solo adventure and then getting stuck with jerry

25. Jerry has to be there to get money Anne his family is hungry :(

26. “I don’t actually need your help.” “When’s the last time you drove a sleigh? Auctioned a horse? Let’s go.”

27. Diana giving her things to sell as well

28. Jerry knows how to drive a sleigh?????

29. “It’s not so bad to ask for help sometimes, y’know?” “If I needed help I would say so.” “No you wouldn’t.” “Yes, I would.” “Wouldn’t.” “Would! Times infinity.” “What???”

30. Jerry singing in French

31. “No singing. I mean it. I’m serious, Jerry! This is an important journey! I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BEAR HANDS!”

32. Jerry grinning as she gets madder

33. Anne bring mystified by the dress shop

34. “I’m here to return a dress.” Is something wrong with it?” “Not a thing.” “Do you not like it?” “It is my very favorite thing that I have ever possessed in life. But I need to return it to help my family.” “You’re Anne, Matthew’s Anne!” “I am! How nice it is to hear it said that way.”

35. Anne being upbeat until Jeannie asks what’s wrong and then ask just breaks down

36. Poor Jerry waiting outside in the snow for her

37. Either Matthew spent some much money on Anne’s dress or Jeannie gave her extra, or both

38. “Did Matthew really spend this much?..” “You’re worth a lot to him.”

39. “I hate to say goodbye…” “😏 I won’t be so long~” “To the HORSE, Jerry. Why are you so annoying.”

40. “You’re a good horse Birdie, try to remember that. Someone will be very lucky to have you.”

41. Birdie really is a beautiful horse though

42. Anne’s little “my parents are spies” act she uses on the pawn broker

43. The pawn broker is so understandable rude because of his profession, it makes him equally annoying and funny

44. “What a piece of work you are.”

45. Anne is so good at making up stories on the spot

46. “If you can’t afford it I completely understand.”

47. I love how snide remarks of “being a good Christian” are frequent and effective insults in the 1800’s

48. Poor Jerry doesn’t just get beaten up and robbed, he gets brutally beaten by two grown men and there’s nothing he can do despite that being… his last paycheck. That was the last income he was going to give his family and he’s so ashamed of himself that he keeps apologizing for it despite most of the money being his. He apologizes to Anne, to Matthew, it bothers him for months to come

49. Gilbert’s back!!

50. “Still seems unreal. Even though I just sold all our… everything.”

51. “He’s a good man.” “I love him with all my heart. I don’t know what if do if…”

52. Them arguing over not arguing

53. Anne apologizing

54. “Anyway…” “Anyway..”

55. I genuinely didn’t realize that the men who beat up Jerry are the same men that took in borders at green gables, I got the same face blindness as Jerry himself

56. “I’ve missed you.” “Yeah?” “At school, theres.. no one to compete with.” “”You want to spell out a few words for old times sake?” “How about… truce?”

57. Jerry thinking Gilbert was going to hurt Anne and take her money and immediately jumping in to stop him despite swaying on his feet

58. When Anne asks him if he’s okay he immediately starts apologizing about the money

59. “I don’t like the city.”

60. “Just take care of yourself, and come home someday.”

61. Anne and Gilbert staring at each other quietly

62. “This is a palace, not a house.”

63. Jerry assuming that they’ll make him sleep in the stable instead of inside the massive house

64. “I’ll look after belle.”

65. “This city is rife with ruffians!”

66. Aunt Josephine insisting on helping

67. Matthew lamenting his own life, talking of how his life insurance will give them a sizable sum and how he drags them down despite them needing him

68. “Anne loves you, you have to remember that.” “But her future…” “Which do you think she would choose, this house or you?”

69. Jerry bring terrified to stay in a room by himself because he’s always had his family around him

70. Anne making room for him only for him to sleep upside down

71. “Don’t worry, I don’t kick like my sisters.” “Yeah, you’d better not.”

72. “Everything will be alright. It’ll be alright..”

73. Aunt Josephine helping by paying for Jerry to work at Green Gables, as well as giving Anne books

74. “We’ve been together all these years, thick or thin, so don’t think I’ll put up with you slipping away now. Anne will be home today, and she’ll be very happy to see you.”

75. Matthew trying to kill himself because the life insurance would pay off the debt he caused

76. Jeannie happening to show up and find Matthew with the gun just in time as he tries to hide what he’s almost done from her, realizing what he’s done

77. The way they stress how his passing would effect Anne the most because of what they mean to each other, that she will suffer without him despite what he’s trying to do

78. “Don’t ever get old…” “Too late for that.”

79. “You would’ve left us that way!? Left me?..”

80. “Give it back. I won’t take charity.” “But.. love isn’t charity.” “I won’t take it.” “Nay I ask why not?” “We will not be pitied! I don’t want people thinking we can’t fend for ourselves.” “Well at the moment we can’t, and I’d sure give my last bit of strength or my last dollar to help a friend. Then I know that friend would feel grateful and loved above all else. And I do. I feel very grateful to have such a dear friend as Miss Barry. Sometimes you just have to let people love you Marilla.”

81. Anne selling her cleaning services to make steady income

82. “We’re rich, aren’t we Matthew?”

83. Jerry carving a star for the Christmas tree!!!!!!

84. Anne’s friends coming to sing carols at their house

85. Anne helping Matthew walk outside

86. Not Nate :(

87. Nathaniel, the bane of my existence

#renew awae #awae #anne shirly cuthbert #jerry baynard #mathew cuthbert #marilla cuthbert #josephine barry

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mdelpin · 3 years ago

Text

A Proper Send Off

Gratsu Week 2021 Prompt: Goodbye Pairing: Gray x Natsu

AO3

Summary: Natsu is having trouble coping with everything he learned during the Alvarez War and tries to sneak away again, but Gray isn't about to let him go alone.

They take off together and find all their friends waiting for them at the Magnolia town marker. After all, no one is allowed to leave Fairy Tail without a proper send-off.

0-0

Gray caught up to Natsu and Happy about a mile from the Magnolia town marker.

“You going somewhere, Flame Breath?”

Gray’s heart caught in his throat when Natsu refused to look at him, his eyes staying firmly on the ground.

“I tried to talk him out of it, Gray, but he wouldn’t listen.” Happy complained, “It’s just like last time.”

“Don’t worry about it, Happy, I’m not about to let him make the same mistake again.”

“I have to go.” Natsu said in a strangled voice. “Please don’t try to stop me.”

Gray wasn’t really surprised. He’d been expecting something like this for days.

Tartaros, Alvarez, Zeref, END…

Any one of these was a lot to handle, but all of them at once? It was just too much.

For both of them.

Things still hadn’t gone back to normal between them, and truth be told, Gray was still worried that Lucy’s attempt to rewrite the book of END might have changed Natsu somewhat.

But he knew that wasn’t exactly fair. It wasn’t so much that Natsu was different now; it was more that he didn’t know how to act around others.

And who could blame him? Even the people around town who had always treated Natsu as a friend had begun to treat him differently.

On top of that, after spending years searching for answers to his past, he’d certainly learned more than he’d bargained for. Who his family was, how he’d ended up with Igneel, the connection he shared with Wendy, Gajeel, Sting and Rogue as well as Lucy’s ancestor.

Even more, he’d learned what he was and the purpose he’d been meant to fulfill.

How many people had been killed or had their lives destroyed because of Zeref’s attempts to resurrect him? How did anyone live with that knowledge?

It was something Gray could easily sympathize with. After all, guilt was something he dealt with daily. For the people who had died so he could live, for not returning Juvia’s fervent affections, and for not being able to offer his father the peace he’d asked for.

And now he could add trying to kill the person he loved most and breaking a promise to the list.

Gray didn’t know how they were going to come back from any of this, but he knew that as much as he wanted to tell him he was wrong, Natsu was on to something. He needed to leave to sort through all of his doubts and fears, including this new one that he was a danger to his friends.

Zeref might be gone, but that had never stopped dark sorcerers from searching out any vestiges of his magic, and that was part of what Natsu was now.

But Gray wasn’t just about to let him do it alone.

And he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Who said anything about stopping you?” Gray said. “I’m going with you.”

Natsu’s head jerked up and Gray pointed at the travel bag that hung on his shoulder.

“But what about Juvia?” He blurted out before adding in a softer tone, “And the others?”

“Juvia will never get over her creepy obsession if I stay, and as for the others,” he paused, because the truth is this part did make him sad. “They’ll be fine.”

The members of Fairy Tail had been his family for so long, he knew he’d miss them all terribly.

But everyone had to leave home sometime. It was part of growing up, and he truly felt that his future lay with Natsu.

He knew mending their relationship wouldn’t be easy, but it was important to him to try. Besides, he’d already discussed it with Gramps, and the old man had agreed. This was what was best for Natsu right now, and it would be much better if he didn’t go alone.

“I don’t know where I’m going.” Natsu said, looking a little embarrassed by the admission.

“I expected that from a Flame Brain like you.” Gray laughed. “That’s okay. We can figure it out on the way. I doubt it matters much, anyway.”

“Are you sure about this? It could get dangerous.”

“Standing next to you is dangerous,” Gray scoffed. “Don’t worry about me, love, I can hold my own.”

“Love?” Natsu said, sounding puzzled at hearing the familiar term of endearment. “But I thought…”

“Well, that was your first mistake,” Gray quipped, but when Natsu didn’t laugh, he gave up the pretense that everything was alright between them.

“I know I fucked up. Said and did things I didn’t mean, but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. And I know it won’t be easy, but I want to work on us again.”

Natsu searched his eyes for the briefest of seconds, and satisfied with whatever he found in them, he began walking, pulling Gray along with him.

Happy flew around them, looking much more cheerful now that he knew Gray was joining them on their journey this time around.

They heard the commotion before they saw what it was, and Gray groaned as they got to the top of the hill, only to find Erza and just about everyone else in the guild waiting for them.

“You didn’t really think you’d be able to leave us without a proper sendoff, did you?” Erza asked, looking incredibly pleased with herself as everyone else snorted their agreement.

Yes, he’d rather hoped so. Gray hated scenes and he could already feel Natsu stiffening next to him. He shot an annoyed glare at Gramps, but the old man merely shrugged his shoulders unapologetically.

Natsu was examining the ground again, and curious what brought that about, he looked around and noticed Lucy heading towards them.

“It’s alright, Natsu. I’ll be just fine this time.” Lucy smiled. “I’m even working on a book about all of our adventures. Levy is helping me.”

Natsu looked up at that. She wrapped him up in a quick hug, and Gray backed away to give them some space.

“I-I just wanted to say thank you for everything. All the times you saved me, and all the fun we had. These last couple of years I was able to find a family again, and it was all thanks to you. I’m going to miss you. You too, Gray!”

“We saved each other,” Natsu corrected with a fond smile, even as Happy flew into Lucy’s arms and hugged her.

“Don’t let him destroy too much, Happy, okay?”

Happy nodded solemnly and gave his customary, “Aye, sir!”

Everyone jumped in with well wishes and words of encouragement until there were only a few left.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t cry,” Wendy wailed as she hugged them tightly.

“It’s okay, kiddo. You’ll see us again!” Gray assured her, hoping that he was right. He didn’t know how long this journey of theirs would take, but he hoped they could return someday.

“Try to keep your pants on,” Cana said as she hugged Gray. She whispered, “Unless you don’t have to…”

“Cana!” Gray protested as he shoved her away playfully.

“I heard that,” Natsu grumbled.

“I know,” Cana winked, capturing him in a hug as well. “Take care of each other, and say hi to my old man for me if you bump into him on the road.”

Natsu nodded.

Mira, Elfman, and Lisanna came as a group. Mira handed Natsu a bag with food.

“Here you go, I packed you both some lunch.” Mira fussed over them, “Don’t forget to eat, and write us letters from time to time to let us know how you’re doing.”

Lisanna giggled, “Like Natsu would ever forget to eat.”

She gave him a big hug, “Take care of yourselves.”

She whispered something into Natsu’s ear that Gray did not catch, but his face turned an interesting shade of red, and he shushed her.

Interesting…

Gray had little chance to think about what she might have said because Elfman enveloped them in a hug and slapped both their backs hard enough for it to hurt.

“Elfman, are you crying?” Mira asked, watching her younger brother with an amused smile.

“Crying is manly,” Elfman wiped away at his eyes.

Warren stepped forward and handed them each a mobile lacrima device. “Here, take these, in case you want to get in touch or something.”

“You don’t have to-”

Gray got no further as Warren turned away, muttering “Just take them.”

“Is he crying?” Natsu whispered, and Gray could only shrug in response.

Macao and Romeo came next, and neither made any effort to hide their tears. “Take care, you two, and try to get along, will ya?”

Romeo only stared at them and it was then Gray remembered he’d been the one who’d never given up on them all those years they’d been stuck on Tenrou.

“You’re going to have to train hard,” Natsu told him, “Cause I’m leaving you in charge of the guild while I‘m gone, okay?”

Romeo nodded, and like Wendy before him, hugged them both at once. Gray found himself petting his head, as Macao used to do to them when they were younger. It didn’t feel like it had been all that long ago, really.

“I’m not gonna say goodbye, since I plan to pop in on you now and again.” Loke gave them each a fist bump. “So make sure you have interesting stuff to tell me.”

He stepped back to stand between Cana and Lucy.

“Juvia doesn’t see why Natsu has to take Gray-sama with him,” Juvia wailed loudly to anyone who would listen.

“Try not to get too lost in that little head of yours, alright?” Gajeel slapped Natsu on the back. He shook Gray’s hand and muttered. “I’ll try to keep the crazy away as much as I can, but you guys might want to hurry the first couple of days, so there isn’t a trail for her to follow.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Gajeel waited while Pantherlily and Carla said their goodbyes to Happy.

That left only Erza and Gramps. Erza pushed Makarov’s wheelchair over to them.

“I better not hear you two are running around destroying towns and bothering people,” Erza started off sternly, but by the end of her scolding, there were tears in the corner of her eyes.

Gray could feel matching tears coming on and he could hear Natsu sniffling next to him too.

“Come here, you two,” Erza said, grabbing them both into a fierce hug. “You’ve come so far. You’re going to be just fine, I just know it. I’ll- I’ll miss you.”

They held on to her tightly, letting her cry over them. Gray had known she’d be the hardest. For as strict as she’d always been on them, they shared the most history. Not to mention she’d also been the one to force them to get past their stupid rivalry.

They finally let go of her, smiling as they wiped away their tears.

“There’s only one thing left to do.” Gramps said, and everyone lined up behind him.

“While you are leaving us, always remember that Fairy Tail will always be your home, and should you, no, when you choose to return, it will be here waiting for you.”

“Now, as you know, there are three rules that any mage who leaves Fairy Tail must abide by.

Number One - You must never reveal sensitive information about Fairy Tail to others for as long as you live.

Number Two - You must never use former contacts met through your being in the guild for personal gain.

And Number Three - Though our paths may have diverged, you must continue to live out your life with all your might. You must never consider your own life to be something insignificant, and you must never forget about your friends for as long as you live.”

Gramps looked so small in that wheelchair, fragile almost, and Gray had a passing thought that this might be the last time they got to see him. He felt his heart clench at the thought, not ready to think about losing anyone else that was important to him.

“Thanks, Gramps.” There was so much more Gray wanted to say to him, but he had a feeling the old man knew. “For everything.”

“Yeah, Gramps, thanks for taking me in.” Natsu smiled, the first genuine smile Gray had seen since the war had ended.

“The pleasure was mine,” Gramps grinned, “Well, most of the time anyway. Now, get going!”

“Take care of yourselves boys, and try not to be so reckless.”

“Bye everyone!” Natsu and Gray called out, waving to everyone before turning around and walking away.

Gray reached out for Natsu’s hand, wanting to test the waters, and was pleased to find Natsu didn’t fight him off.

Now that they were finally on their way, the wave of sadness lifted and the excitement creeped in again, and as they turned back one last time they saw everyone had lifted their hands in air making the Fairy Tail hand signal.

Even if we can't see you... no matter how far away you may be... we will always be watching you.

“We’ll be back someday,” Gray squeezed the hand he held in his.

“I hope so.”

Happy took one look at their joined hands and squeaked. “I knew it! You looooove him!”

“Do not, shut up!” Natsu yelled, pulling away from Gray and chasing after the Exceed.

“You looooove him, you looooove him!” Happy chanted, flying just out of Natsu’s reach.

Gray watched them and chuckled, glad to see Natsu acting more like himself. They had left their home behind, and it would be tough going, but in the end, he truly hoped Natsu could find the peace he was looking for, and he wanted nothing more than to share it with him.

But of course, there was nothing wrong with having a few adventures along the way!

0-0

A/N: This is immensely personal for me. Today is the last day of the last Gratsu Week hosted by @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove and the @gratsu-week blog on Tumblr. It was the first event I ever participated in back in 2018, and it's an event that I have helped organize for the last three years. It's very special to me.

So it is very fitting that the last ever prompt was goodbye.

More than just a story, this represents my goodbye to canon as well. I will go no further than this point.

I was one of those people who was really excited by the announcement that Fairy Tail would continue in 100 Year's Quest, because God knows I wasn't ready to let go.

But from the moment it first came out, I was horrified by what it turned out to be (a horrible story whose only purpose was to further the big 4, with even more fan service than before, and I won't even get into the character assassination). As such, I refuse to have anything to do with it. So I have ended things my way, because if the point of Fairy Tail is now ships, then I will sail with mine.

Hopefully, this will also provide some of you with the same comfort it gives me.

#fairy tail #gratsu #gratsuweek2k21 #gray x natsu #natsu x gray #natray #ftfanfics #prompt: goodbye #Gratsu Week 2021

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woahajimes · 4 years ago

Text

Jon Kent had become an excellent liar.

“We're never finding Damian.”

That was a lie, although it could also count as truth. They were never finding Damian.

He was.

He didn’t have any of this information assured, but he was trusting that it kept real. He had known Damian for at least a year and a half, perhaps even less, but it had felt like forever. It was funny how people changed over time.

When he met Damian, things were rocky. Jon actually despised Damian, he tried to get away from him. He’d always make excuses for leaving, either with Kathy, or his dad, or Maya, even. Damian had been too cocky, a little far too confident.

Too sure of himself and his abilities, it made Jon angry.

It filled him with envy.

When they were sent to boot camp, Jon realized something. Damian was, sure, older than him, and more mature, and maybe not taller, but he was more skilled than Jon in almost everything he could do.

Damian was, in a way, just like him. A small way, of course. Nothing big, they weren’t mirror on mirror. Jon hadn’t been raised by a supervillain grandfather, and Damian wasn’t a half-breed between an alien and a human.

That was really the reason that he offered Damian the granola bar. He realized the small chance that they were similar. They were both lost, in different ways, but lost altogether. Jon didn’t actually know if Damian had ever been lost, if Damian even knew that being lost meant.

Maybe someday he’d find out.

When Damian slipped into his room, mocked him for going to sleep while the moon was still living, when he dragged him out the window, mocked him once more for not being able to fly, that’s when Jon knew there was something. Something in Damian that made Jon want to stay, just for a while longer.

When they matched in school, just a few educational years of a difference, nothing much, Jon was psyched. They were already close friends, even though not much had passed since Damian had visited him at night that first time.

What could he say? They became friends pretty quickly.

When Kid Amazo destroyed their headquarters, Jon and Damian had become pretty close friends. They were actually joking with each other, and mocking each other and making fun of each other, as friends do. Of course, Jon wouldn’t exactly know this by the palm of his hand, for friends weren’t exactly his area of expertise.

Yet Damian felt like a friend, like a best friend.

After all, he had saved him, when Jon was drowning at the bottom of Morrison Bay, given him a rebreather, and swam Jon’s limp, unconscious body for a few minutes, until Jon regained consciousness.

Saving each other’s lives, they were practically inseparable.

Their second Summer together came around, the whole gig with the cube of the fortress and the primary colours of Jon. If he was being honest, he really enjoyed that summer, perhaps the best summer in his ten years of life. Jon had always wanted a sibling, and that summer it felt like he had hit the jackpot. He could finally say that Damian was his best friend, at least without getting elbowed in the stomach. The golden kryptonite, Jon took it as a gift, being split in two, it was a portion of something he had wanted for so long: A brother. And even though having somewhat of a twin wasn’t as fun as he had expected, he enjoyed it, for as long as it lasted.

Jon remembers telling Damian that he’s going to spend time with his grandfather. Jon was spending the night at the manor, he was sitting in front of the TV.

“Hey, D?” Jon turned from the TV, he looked at Damian. “What are we doing this summer?”

Damian drifted his eyes from the screen. He looked at Jon. “What do you mean?”

Jon rolled his eyes. “Summer is in like two days, dummy.”

Damian shrugged, his eyes wandering back to the TV. “Nothing much, why?”

Jon turned back to face the TV. “I think I’m going to go see my grandpa.”

“Cool.” And that had been that.

Jon should have told Damian a bit more, maybe then he would have been opposed to Jon leaving. Instead, he had left out minor details from Damian, details Clark had told him when Jon had left, when Jon had already spent a few years in the volcano prison.

Jon had to admit that his time in the volcano prison had messed him up a bit. He had thought about Damian a lot, more than he’d like to admit. If Jon was around… what? Fifteen? Then Damian would have been around eighteen. It struck him a few days later, just how much he’d missed. Damian would have already left the school, maybe gone to some college for smart super-hero ninjas. Probably forgotten all about him, about the summer of super and the Kid Amazo and all the things that Jon held tight to his chest. He probably forgot about the time they played Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid with pillow forts and nerf guns, about the times they ate cotton candy, sitting on the roof of the Carousel in the Hamilton fair. Pairing up for sports, even though they were three years apart in grades.

Damian had probably forgotten about all that.

It was really the Hamilton fairs that got to Jon. He used to love those as a kid. He went for the first time when he was nine, second time ten, third time eleven. The second time he went, it had been Jon’s first year since meeting Damian.

Damian couldn’t go for some mission with Batman, but Jon had met up with Kathy, He told her all about his adventures with Damian. She kept quiet, mostly because Jon wouldn’t be. It was pretty insane to think that this had all been in the same year, Jon meeting Damian, Jon moving away from Hamilton, to a private school, creating a public figure alongside Damian: the Super Sons. Nearly drowning in Morrison Bay, his mom almost killed, it was a bit too much for the mind of a 10-year-old.

Yet Jon got to the part in which he called Damian his best friend, and Kathy spoke up.

“Jon,” She stopped what she was doing and she met eyes with him. “What is it you even like about Damian?”

The question had caught him off-guard. “I- He’s kinda nice someti-”

“No,” Kathy interrupted him. “Not really, no. He’s not that nice at all.”

Jon kept quiet. He shrugged it off with a simple “I guess so,” and the night kept moving. He returned home, but Kathy’s question rung in his ears.

“What is it you even like about Damian?”

Jon sat on the office chair in his room, a marker on his hand. He stared blankly at the 9x9 whiteboard in front of him. He uncapped the marker and wrote down Damian’s name.

He’s funny sometimes, Jon thought to himself. When he’s not being mean. He decided to write that down.

He’s really smart, too. Jon wrote that down as well.

He wrote down a few more things, all jots, and he reminded himself of the paper he had written for school not long ago. He took out his backpack, his binder, carefully opened the rings and slid out his paper. He started skimming it.

“ ‘If I had to describe Damian in one word, it would be dependable,’ Jeez,’ Jon whispered into the room. “What was going on in my head?”

He kept reading. “ ‘No matter what, when the chips are down, he always takes care of me.’” Yeah, that part was true.

He read the last part in his head. I know I can trust him no matter what kinda trouble we find ourselves in.

Jon capped the marker, he deleted everything he had written on the whiteboard. He didn’t need a list for all the things he liked about Damian. He knew already, Damian was his best friend, no questions needed.

Jon had done and said things he wasn’t proud of. He for one, developed new habits, bad habits. He wanted to pin an excuse on them, that it wasn’t his fault that he had developed such habits. It was just his reaction to being put in situations like that. Example taken, Jon had started to talk to himself. He wasn’t exactly sure if it was a habit or a sign that he was going insane, but he didn’t like it altogether. Remembering it was torture, it was a habit he started in the volcano prison.

Jon clearly remembers that the first time he talked to himself, to Damian. When exactly, he wasn’t sure, but Jon had a hard time getting used to the lack of things, in this case, a small daily occurrence he shared with Damian.

Their shared habit started in their first sleepover, it had rooted from something they were watching on the TV. The woman on the screen was putting her kids to sleep, and she asked her youngest boy, “What was your favourite part of the day?”, to which the boy answered “spending time with you, mom.”

Damian snorted. “Let’s watch something else.”

Jon whipped his head around and looked at Damian. “Let’s pick a movie.” His eyes beamed, he was grinning.

They had picked out a movie they never got tired of rewatching: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. They had turned off the movie early, Alfred coming in and telling them to get ready to sleep.

Each in their perspective beds, both had been quiet for a while, until Damian spoke up. He pitched his voice, and said, “What was your favourite part of the day?” Mimicking the woman.

Jon snickered. “Spending time with you, Dami.” He pronounced the new nickname like ‘Day-me’, and heard Damian make a vomiting sound.

“Don’t you dare call me that,” Damian sat up, and Jon did as well. “I will end you, Kent.”

Jon waved his hand, he could make out Damian’s expression even with the lights turned off. “Pfft, what about Dami?” He pronounced it like ‘D-ah-me’.

Damian’s expression softened. “Mother used to call me that,” he said. “She wasn’t very fond of nicknames, but I guess she liked that one.”

Jon felt heat rising to his cheeks. He hadn’t meant to touch a sore subject. He knew there was a complicated relationship with Damian and his mom. “I think I’ll just stick with ‘D’.” he said quickly.

Damian laid back down on his bed, he turned away from Jon. “No, it’s fine. Whatever helps you sleep at night, J.”

Jon still sat on the bed, he arranged his pillow. “D?”

“Yeah?”

“‘Hukka’”

Jon could have sworn Damian smiled, just a little. “‘Hukka’, Jon.”

It was embarrassing to sorts, Jon had to admit. Whispering ‘Hukka’ to himself at night, swearing that he could see Damian if he just squinted a little bit. Asking Damian how his day went, swearing that he could almost hear an answer, the things you did for lost best friends.

Jon had also thought about Damian, yet in more ways than those. Sometimes he wondered if Damian still wore turtlenecks, if he had made any new friends. What if he had gotten a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? Worse, what if Damian had found a new best friend? A new super-hero partner, someone that didn’t leak tears when they watched movies like Coraline. Someone more like Damian, like a… super-smart ninja assassin.

When Jon finally spotted earth, a late teen, he started thinking about everything that could have been. Perhaps if Jon hadn’t left, him and Damian would have been having ice cream and maybe getting their own statue as the super sons. Maybe they’d have moved past the Super sons.

Jon wondered where Damian was now. Maybe he was Batman, although Jon secretly wished that he wasn’t. He had always thought that Batman was cool, but it wasn’t really Damian. Batman was in a way, everything that Damian wasn’t. But if Damian wanted to be Batman, then Jon really didn’t see why not. Could Jon be the Superman to his Batman? Maybe?

It took him as an overall surprise, realizing that only three weeks had passed. It made hope linger in his stomach, a fluttery feeling. Maybe he hadn’t missed so much after all.

But Damian had stared at him like a stranger, like he used to stare at the boys at school. It made Jon’s heart stop beating, just for a few moments. He wanted to cry on Damian’s shoulder, even if Damian had only aged three weeks. Damian had rejected him, and that hurt more than Jon could have expected. Damian had collected himself, after a short time, and they spent the night together. Then, before Damian left, he hugged Jon, tightly. Maybe Damian was also feeling what Jon was.

Maybe his letter proved that. Maybe the letter was Damian’s way of expressing everything that he felt for Jon.

So Jon set out to find Damian, to ask him about the letter. To finally explain to him everything he wanted to say.

#//////#lunatick #damian wayne #jon kent #jon has a crush on damian :person_doing_cartwheel:#super sons #supersons #batman #superman #UGHHH WHAT DO I WRITEEEE #superboy #robin #yknow what im tagging the ship dassi #t #damijon #jondami #okay aye #....omg its literally 2.2k words this is so long im so sorry

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sparklygoblin · 4 years ago

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okay so I've been gone for a minute because I was writing my first fic on ao3 but I'm back with more trash than ever! I really love crack fics and my friend and I thought up this absolutely GREASY premise and I just couldn't help myself. I only included a few of my ideas in this post but let me know if yall like it and maybe I'll do a part 2

Haikyuu!! Frat House AU

Bokubro is obviously a member of the frat, he's also a minor drug dealer with Kuroo, and his room is L I T E R A L L Y DISGUSTANG, like Kuroo actually has a fear of Bokuto's side of their room. People are baffled, BAFFLED when they find out that his boyfriend is non other than Akaashi, president of the most prestigious fraternity on campus. But what can akaashi say? he believes any guy who can drink his weight in vodka, take at least three different unnameable drugs, and still smile at him the morning after, deserves his attention.

Kuroo took one for the team when he rushed, and roomed with Bokuto. Needless to say, his quiet gamer boyfriend, Kenma, refuses to stay over. When they first met at one of the frat's infamous ragers, they'd stumbled into Kuroo's shared room, heading toward a drunk hook up. Then Kenma put his hand in something wet. And very much alive. That was the first and last time. Bokuto and him irritate everyone by constantly referring to themselves as "businessmen", only to be immediately informed by Iwaizumi and Daichi that "selling drugs to high schoolers doesn't make you business men"

Daichi didn't want to be in charge, but duty calls and when you and Iwaizumi are the only sane ones in the house, well a man has to step up. Plus, it totally gains him brownie points with all of the trashy college girls that show up to their notorious parties. because he was totally interested in that, and definetly not in the chaotic silver haired boy from the competing fraternity. no he wanted nothing to do with Sugawara. It's not like he catches himself openly fantasizing about him, and the whole house made it into a running joke.

Iwaizumi is also in charge, to no one's surprise. he and daichi have the cleanest room in the house, not only that but he's the only one who will do dishes. he's exhausted. he's also sleeping with Oikawa Tooru the single most irritating member of the prestigious fraternity suga and akaashi are in. but don't mention it, don't talk about the way he blushes when oikawa throws it back, and DEFINETLY don't bring up the time Oikawa broke his knee sneaking out of Iwaizumi's room, and spent an entire semester harassing iwaizumi on a bright pink motorized scooter.

Ushijima doesn't really care enough to be in charge. Mans is a FARMER if you catch my drift, and he makes fat stacks off of his "business" with Kuroo and Bokuto. once spent the entirety of his rush week in a maid's costume. but hey he's not complaining, it did get him the attention of that really weird dude from his leisure cooking class. he and Tendou are possibly the only couple that have it all figured out so kudos to them, three years strong

the miya twins are living frat legends, and they have been since their first party, at which Osamu got wasted and punched an equally wasted atsumu in the face for "breathing too loud". Atsumu seems like he sleeps around a lot, and maybe he did, but the guy won't stop simping for a very reserved chem major named Sakusa. sakusa gave into atsumu's begging once and woke up on a stained mattress in Vegas for his trouble.

Terushima is also there, making each party a little bit more chaotic and sleeping his way through ever girl on campus, except for kiyoko and yachi, the other guys were oddly protective of them. make no mistake though, terushima was a loveable himbo, who made extra sure that safe, sane , and consensual relations were his top priority. during hell week, he had to poop in a target dumpster, but daichi and iwaizumi didn't keep a good look out for him, he narrowly avoided getting arrested. NARROWLY.

Nishinoya and Tanaka rushed together. it went exactly how you think it did. Daichi and iwaizumi swore up and down that if they weren't desperate for new pledges, they would've never let those two in after they set the toilet on fire. Tanaka got really smacked one night and took a vow to abstain from any hook ups until he and Kiyoko (the hot girl from that one sorority) were engaged. Noya holds him to it and it's actually really wholesome. Noya on the other hand is battling a low grade obsession with the anxious design major from Akaashi's fraternity. everytime Asahi gets inebriated he's instantly the life of the party, and if Noya wasn't already in love, that time drunk Asahi took his clothes off and swam in the city fountain with him really cemented it.

kyoutani hates that little snot from the other fraternity....what was his name? mini oikawa, super prissy and whiny....YaHAbA. Kyoutani won Iwazumi's admiration when he took his rush like a champ, obliterating keg stands and hair removal alike. everyone thinks it's really funny because they're basically the same person down to the snotty, prissy, irritating boyfriends they won't admit they have.

Ennoshita is the mini daichi, and he's a simp for Tanaka. constantly pulling him back from fights, and rubbing his back when he throws up. maybe someday Tanaka might notice....

Lev is possibly the dumbest rush they have ever received and also the most fun. his natural talent for shotgunning and dangerous drunken adventures, makes him a favorite. he ripped his pants in front of the entire student body during his rush, on purpose. like he wanted it to happen. still to this day, no one understands why. he's been simping for yaku as long as he's been in college, so two whole months. to the outside world, it looks like the angry little man wouldn't think twice about the lowly freshman, but lev's been in enough closets with him to know that that's just not true.

kindaichi just adds to the madness, he's an anxious peacemaker with an epic talent as a lightweight, and a massive crush on his apathetic roommate, kunimi. Kunimi regretted joining the frat the first time he watched Bokuto peel string cheese with his toes.

Hinata and Kageyama are rushing at the same time. Tobio Swageyama is made for Greek life, but Hinata can barely do a keg stand. So naturally they are paired together through the rush callenges. This results in the loss of no less than six pairs of pants, a completely bald (no eyebrows) Kageyama, and an upside down lower back tattoo reading "boke", sometimes they get a little too spicy at parties and take the whole "kiss the homies goodnight" thing to a whole other level

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deejadabbles · 4 years ago

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Yu-gi-oh x Avatar:TLA

Been re-watching Avatar the past week and when I searched for it I legit couldn’t find, like, any Yugioh Duel Monster x Avatar The Last Airbender content??? I mean the search feature sucks here so maybe I’m just not seeing it, but, now I have a mighty need for this cross over, so I guess I’ll do it myself! (if anyone knows any other posts about this though please link me to them!)

So first off, Yugi is the Avatar

I don’t care if most think Yami is the main protag it just makes sense to me that Yugi is the Avatar

Much like Aang, Yugi is an airbender, but instead of being raised by a group of monks he was actually raised by his nomadic grandfather, who is also an airbender.

Yugi is basically what everyone thinks of when they think of the stereotypical airbender, he’s intelligent, prefers pacifism, would give a stranger the shirt off his back, fun loving and worldly due to his travels, etc.

On the other hand Grandpa, while kind and not prone to violence, isn’t exactly a “monkly” airbender. He’s way too familiar with gambling halls, tomb raiding, pirating, and pretty much every other seedy side of the different nations you can think of.

While grandpa definitely toned down those..*ahem* less than virtuous adventures when he started raising Yugi, he did not shield Yugi from these things during their travels. Yugi's safety was always his priority, but he also knew it was important for Yugi to learn to take care of himself if he was going to travel the world.

Plus, I mean, when Yugi beat a pirate captain at pai sho at age 12, and won them an ancient water tribe artifact, grandpa knew his bright young airbender could handle his own.

Oh also, Yugi’s flying bison is a brown fluff-ball named Kuriboh. Kuriboh was the runt of his littler, much smaller than most male bison, but that didn’t stop Yugi from bonding with him almost immediately when they met near the air temple (in fact if probably helped them bond more), and the two are now inseparable <3

Grandpa took Yugi against the wishes of the council in charge of the Avatar. The council wanted to shelter Yugi and deprive him of a normal life (much like the monks wanted to with Aang), but grandpa basically said “F all of you” and took Yugi with him so he could have a fun, free life away from all that...at least for awhile.

When Yugi turned 16 the council tracked the boys down, finally told Yugi he’s the Avatar, and demanded he come with them to finish his airbending training and start learning the other elements.

Yugi was honestly, understandably, pretty devastated, his whole life was being stolen from him in the blink of an eye, but, he’s also heard tales of how important the Avatar is for the world and how people would suffer without the avatar, and he couldn’t handle the idea of letting the world down.

Yugi whet with the council, unknowing of that was about to come.

Okay so for Atem I have two possibilities for his role in this AU that I really like, so I’ll just list them both:

#1 is that Atem was the Avatar before Yugi, born as the son of Fire Lord Aknamkanon.

He grew up in the lap of luxury, but never took it for granted thanks to his father, the most peaceful Fire Lord the nation had seen in a long time.

His father dedicated his life to improving relations with the other nations and maintaining peace.

Atem’s uncle, Aknadin on the other hand, was an authoritarian jerk-wad, who thought Fire Lord Aknamkanon weak and unfit to rule the Fire Nation.

You can see where I’m going with this. Aknadin hatched a plan to assassinate both Aknamkanon and Atem, and put himself on the throne, using the death’s of the Fire Lord and Prince as cause for war.

What he did not count on though, was Atem being the Avatar.

Atem didn’t even know he was the Avatar at this point, they were going to wait until he was 16 to tell him, like most Avatars. Atem had no idea he could bend other elements besides fire, let alone realize he had the power of the Avatar spirit.

Even still, when Atem was attacked by his uncle’s assassins, and he was on the verge of dying, his Avatar sate kicked in.

Well, not quite. It began to kick in just before Atem was overpowered by the assassins, but not quick enough to save him. You know that whole thing about “if the avatar dies while in the avatar state, the avatar will cease to be”? Well, this was a strange In-Between.

The avatar cycle was not broken, since the avatar spirit wasn’t fully awoken, but now Atem’s soul, that incarnation of the avatar, is in a strange form of limbo.

It was only 16 years later when the new avatar, Yugi, went into the avatar state for the first time, that his soul was finally brought out of limbo. Only now he and Yugi have a strange bond. Instead of residing somewhere deep inside Yugi’s soul like the other past avatars, Atem seems to be one with Yugi, able to commune with him like a constant companion, and even take over Yugi’s body in times of need.

In this version the new Fire Lord waited years to launch his war, gaining the trust of the other nation while slowly changing and manipulating the ideologies of his own people through propaganda and fear mongering.

Yugi fled the air temple when the firelord finally launched his attack on the air nomads in an effort to kill the new avatar, and during that tramtic ordeal is when Yugi went into the avatar state for the first time and awoke Atem’s soul.

Now Atem’s main focus is helping train Yugi to save the world from Fire Lord Aknadin, who’s hell-bend on world domination.

OR!

If the whole “Atem dying in a half avatar state that affected his soul” plot doesn’t work for you, I also think we could just simplify things and say that Atem is a Fire Bender dedicated to helping the avatar defeat the tyrant Fire Lord.

In this version Atem would still be a Fire Nation Prince, whose father was dedicated to peace. Only in this version Atem’s father died unexpectedly, and Atem was deemed too young to take the throne, so they put Uncle Aknadin on the throne in Atem’s place.

Atem watched for years while his uncle slowly, meticulously dismantled all of his father’s hard work for peace and was powerless to stop him. All Atem could do was train, improve his firebending, and hope that he could challenge his tyrant uncle to an agni kai for the throne someday.

During that time Atem also found it hard to hold onto his own morals, as his home was every-changing under it’s new Fire Lord, becoming more and more authoritarian and xenophobic. He became a bit harsher during that time, but deep down still held on to his core belief in peace and mercy that his father taught him.

So, when he found out that Aknadin was making plans to wipe out the Air Nomads, and thus, the new Avatar, Atem had to take action.

He fled the Fire Nation to warn the Air Nomads, and he did manage that, but it wasn’t enough to save everyone. Yugi was still too young to fight an army, or the Fire Lord, he hadn’t even begun to learn waterbending let alone anything else. So, when the Fire Lord’s soldiers attacked the temples, the monks insisted Yugi and Atem flee together, live to fight another day, and become strong enough to fight the Warmongering Fire Lord.

No matter which version of Atem we go with everything else stays virtually the same. In the version where Atem is just the spirit of the previous avatar and Yugi’s guide, the Fire Nation still attacked the Air Temples, hoping to kill the new Avatar, he just waited longer to do this, accumulating support and maybe even some alliances with other nations. But either way, Yugi escapes (after a LOT of arguing against leaving any one, let alone everyone, behind) so he could start his avatar training and defeat this new threat.

In this AU I believe most of the gang’s time would be spent trying to train Yugi in the next elements, but also avoiding capture by the Fire Nation, who’s put a big bounty on Yugi’s head. They also aren’t sure who to trust, as sides are often picked and alliances formed during wars and they have no real way to know what nation would aid them vs the Fire Nation. Unlike the original ATLA show, this is a new war unfolding before their eyes, not one that’s been known and ongoing for 100 years.

Now on to the rest of the cast! Honda is a non-bender, but don’t underestimate him, in a world where he constantly has to avoid the Dai Li and thugs who can earthbend, he’s learned to take care of himself.

Jonouchi is an earthbender, and Yugi actually met both him and Honda while traveling the world with grandpa (before learning he was the avatar).

Jou and Honda were both street kids who joined the gangs in Ba Sing Se in order to survive. Their fellow thugs tried to mug Yugi, thinking him an helpless monk. Peace-loving Yugi didn’t attack them, of course, but used his airbending to dodge their attacks with ease and grace... and ended up humiliating them all when he blew them into a fountain.

While Jou was initially against mugging Yugi (even when he was a thug he always went on about facing opponents who at least stand a chance against you, not picking on the weak) after that incident Jou basically made it his life’s mission to make Yugi’s life hell the whole time Yugi and Grandpa were in Ba Sing Se. He’d track Yugi down pretty much every day to harass him, trying to get Yugi to “fight him like a real man” and just generally being a bully.

Yugi always refused to fight him, even the few times Jonouchi actually landed a hit on him with his earthbending. Grandpa intervened a couple times, but ultimately left it up to Yugi to handle.

Right before Yugi and Gramps made to move on to the next city though, Yugi came across a frantic and injured Honda.

Turns out Jou spoke out against their gang stealing from a family that was already down on their luck and said thugs decided they had enough of Jou’s mouth and wanted to “teach him a lesson”. Honda tried to stop them and defend Jou, but was overpowered just by sheer numbers.

Yugi couldn’t stand by and let this happen, of course, and together he and Honda found where the thugs had taken Jou. Despite the fact that Yugi still refused to strike a damaging blow on anyone, his and Jou’s opposing bending styles actually worked pretty well together and they were all able to escape.

That was the turning point for both boys, but especially Jou and he finally realized that he mistreated Yugi and that Yugi was someone to be admired, not mocked. They unfortunately did not get a chance to make amends then, however, since Yugi and Grandpa were gone the next day.

So about a year later, when Yugi returns to the city after escaping the raids on the Air Temples, Jou and Honda are eager to help him and insist on joining Yugi and Atem, “as the avatar’s bodyguards” if nothing else. And despite being against the idea of endangering them, Yugi had to admit he teared up at the mere thought of friends joining him on his journey.

Next, we of course have Anzu, a waterbender, and Mai, a firebender.

Anzi and Mai have a traveling act together. They combined their bending with intricate dances and make a marvel of it, sometimes doing synchronized performances that focus a lot on how their opposing elements can compliment and balance each other, other times they do solo numbers that are just as mesmerizing with Anzu’s captivating grace and Mai’s mesmerizing passion. They also wear full, intricate face paints (or sometimes even masks) while on stage to help keep them from going unnoticed when traveling.

Anzu also knows a bit of healing with her waterbending, and as they travel through towns/cities, Anzu often uses her time between shows helping heal those who can’t afford medicine. Mai sometimes goes on about how ppl will take advantage of Anzu is she isn’t careful, but secretly really admires Anzu’s kind heart.

Don’t ever underestimate these girls though, their bending isn’t just for performance, they can and will kick your ass with their bending and have held their own again a whole crew of highway men. You don’t travel the world without knowing how to defend yourself, especially if you’re women thugs think they can take advantage of.

The boys came across Anzu and Mai soon after leaving Ba Sing Se. The first glance they got at them was one of their shows and were impressed to say the least (Yugi was particularly captivated by the waterbender, like the big-hearted bi-disaster that he is).

What really impressed them though was that night, when Yugi was taking a walk through the town to clear his head. Once again he was seen as an easy target by his “weak” appearance (season 0 anyone?) and some thugs ambushed him. Before he even had the chance to defend himself though, two women came to his rescue, water-whipping and fire-blazing. It didn’t take much for Yugi to put two and two together and realize they were the dancers from the show, and, being thoroughly impressed by their bending skills, he begged Anzu to teach him waterbending.

Anzu was actually interested in the idea from the start, when they heard about the attacks on the Air Temples and the Fire Nation declaring war, she was outraged. Anzu is nothing if not compassionate and all that life being burn away gave her a slowly growing need to take action, and now the avatar himself was asking her to teach him!

Mai on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with Yugi and his “band of do-gooders” and insisted Anzu turn him down. Mai grew up in the Fire Nation during the rise of the tyrant Fire Lord Aknadin, she knows first hand how ruthless his soldiers can be, and sees it as loosing battle to resist them. In her mind, her and Anzu have a good life going for them, why change that to fight a war they aren’t going to win?

The girls argue about this for awhile, to the point that Anzu actually thinks about leaving Mai to go with Yugi without her, despite the idea of leaving Mai behind tearing her up inside.

Then the town they’re staying in is attacked by Fire Nation soldiers. Everyone, including Mai jumps into action to defend the towns people and together they’re able to fight them off. In the aftermath, having the war’s carnage brought right into her lap, Mai sees that the ruler of her homeland has to be stopped and agrees to join the gang too.

I haven’t thought a ton about the other characters honestly, and I’m especially having trouble placing Ryou in all this, but here are some half developed/misc headcanon:

Seto is a firebender and the son of Fire Lord Aknadin, making him and Atem cousins.

In the version where Atem is just a regular firebender and not the previous avatar, Seto and Atem grew up together. Atem tried his best to convince Seto to leave with him when he set out to warn the Air Nomads of the attack, but Seto refused, already being drawn in by Aknadin’s power-centric teachings.

In the version where Atem is the previous avatar and shares a body with Yugi, Seto was only a few years old when his older cousin Atem was “mysteriously killed” and Seto grew up hearing stories from his father about how they could avenge the young prince and the previous fire lord.

In both versions Seto is similar to a Zuko character. He’s sent out by his father to capture the avatar, but eventually he comes to realize what a warmongering monster his father is and turns on the firelord, joining Yugi and the gang. He’s still an egotistical ass though and is basically constantly criticizing the whole gang the entire time he’s with them. The rivalry between him and Yugi/Atem is still there, because of all the times Yugi whipped him with his airbender while Seto was trying to capture him. Also, Seto honestly believes that he’d make a better avatar than Yugi and thanks to @readerinsertfanfiction now I can’t get the thought out of my head that Seto would try to science his way into becoming a second living avatar 😂

I really want to include Mana and Mahad in this AU as well (since they’re my fave side characters) and thought maybe they could also be firebenders who grew up with Atem and were his close friends. Then when the tyrant Fire Lord took over they started plotting behind the scenes and formed a rebellion within the fire nation. (for real could you imagine the version where Atem was killed by his uncle and now an older Mahad and Mana, who’ve been waging a rebellion in the name of their prince and best friend, meet Yugi and can talk to Atem again and how heart wrenching a scene like that would be??)

Another possibility I thought of for Mahad and Mana was that they’re spirits of deceased airbenders who have gained some power in the spirit world. They commune with Yugi and help guide him and even step in to save him a couple times. This idea play more on the whole “Dark Magician/Dark Magician Girl Duel Monsters” side of things. Heck maybe we could do both these ideas since DM and DMG are usually considered separate entities from Mahad and Mana.

Duke/Otogi, I could image being a character similar to Jet (a charmer/flirt, who’s cunning and vengeful, at least at first? Come on I know you can see it) and maybe even having a similar story of tricking the gang into helping him do something horrible in the name of fighting the Fire Nation, then redeeming himself later.

I’m still a little unsure of Ryou’s story in this AU, but, I think I have an idea brewing involving Ryou being a waterbender who’s been processed by an evil spirit. Said spirit is thriving/feeding on the carnage of the war and often takes over Ryou’s body in order to stoke the fires of said war. This could lead to some interesting stuff involving Ryou wanting to join Yugi and the gang, but the evil spirit always stabbing them in the back. The gang, especially Yugi, would see it as a personal responsibility to save Ryou from the evil spirit and Yugi tries to learn more about his spirit powers in order to help Ryou.

I have some more vague ideas floating around my head, but I think that’s it for now. Boy, these are the longest headcanon I’ve had in while lol. I’m really loving the idea of this AU and I’m even really tempted to write an actual series surrounding it. I’d love to hear your guy’s thoughts about any of this or whether all this is even appealing at all. Please feel free to invade my inbox if yall wanna talk about this AU! <3

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jippy-kandi · 4 years ago

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Digimon Adventure: 2020 – Episode 38: The Blazing Blue Friendship (Review)

Thoughts on the thirty-eighth episode of the Digimon Adventure reboot series.

I think this was a decent episode, but for Yamato’s “return”, I expected it to be better. But it was another filler episode with some nice moments in it.

After Yamato’s been riding on Garurumon for 2+ months, the episode just drops us into a plot that has “happened” . . . I’d prefer they didn’t do this. It’s too random for a character we haven’t seen in a meaningful capacity for months.

Jou “coincidentally” and literally falls in (love) on Yamato. :D I liked their dynamic, actually. They made pretty good teammates! Even though they were apart for most of the episode, lol.

Yamato tells us that Gabumon has been captured by Mephismon, who sucks the energy of Digimon using an evil spell to a black crystal (a shard of Millenniumon). A flimsy connection to the plot, but I guess I’ll take it! Still a filler episode, though. :P

OMG when Yamato recounts how they went in to save the Digimon from Mephismon, we get a shot of him HOLDING HANDS with two little Chibickmon as he leads them to safety. IT WAS ADORABLE AF. He's going to make a great father someday to Sora’s children. XD

Yamato: “Jou. Gomamon. I can’t reach the very top alone. That’s why . . . lend me a hand! Please.” UwU I loved this. Especially since Yamato was always so dismissive of Jou in the past (. . . if little kids watching this series can even remember that far back, lol), so it’s great progress to see this!

Jou: “I . . . I never thought you’d say something like that to me!” LMAO. And the way he says it and expresses himself. Jou 100% has a crush on Yamato. XD; Get in line behind Sora! You’re not the only one who thinks he’s impressive. ;)

The episode cuts to Taichi’s group and . . . I facepalm so hard, lol. This is Yamato’s “return” episode after 738493 episodes of Taichi, and we can’t take one measly episode break from the guy? REALLY TOEI?

But I guess it’s forgiven because it was mostly so Takeru could provide us with some background information about the Takaishida family situation. It remains mostly the same as the OG - their parents divorced, Takeru lives with their mother, Yamato with their father. Takeru adds this: “But Big Brother always contacted me and came to see me a lot.” This is supposedly different to the OG, as the OG claimed that they rarely saw each other. So at least their parents are putting their kids first, now? TBH I care more about the headcanons I can create with this - Yamato seeing Natsuko more than he should, wheee. :D :D :D

It’s super nice that we got Yamato and Tsunomon’s first encounter! Since the OG never showed us, either. Just listen to Tsunomon bouncing after Yamato. OMG so cute! *SQUISH*

Gabumon: “Yamato, you protected me! You could’ve just left me there.” Yamato: “I . . . just protected you on my own too. *SMILE.* You, what’s your name?” This realisation made Yamato turn and accept Gabumon? Has he never protected anyone before/did something on his own? lol. I found it a bit odd. I think there needed to be more to bridge this bond.

It goes without saying, but . . . Yamato climbing a mountain via bars stuck to the side of it is utterly ridiculous. :P

OK . . . Jou countering the chanting of the evil spell by chanting material from his textbooks was hilarious. It was also utterly ridiculous - but freaking hilarious. So . . . I give it a pass and just LOL. XD;

Ikkakumon using his attack Harpoon Torpedo to create “bars” for Yamato to climb the mountain was actually really neat.

But it has to be said that Yamato is just as superhuman - if not moreso - than Taichi in this episode, ROFL. I guess he didn’t want to be outdone by his little brother, the Olympic gymnast, Takeru. So Yamato is an Olympic athlete - a three-time Gold medallist. No one better write him as hating sports in reboot fanfiction, as they mistakenly do in OG fanfiction . . .

Yamato going through the spell’s forcefield to reach Gabumon was 100% worthy of a Mega evolution. If Taichi can simply breathe to evolve his digimon to two Megas, surely Yamato can Mega evolve his Digimon with this act of courage and determination? Toei: “No.” -_-

Yamato to Gabumon: “I changed after I met you. I gained something important! Gabumon, you were . . . you were my very first . . . friend!” Awww. That was both super sweet and super sad. Yamato didn’t have any friends before Gabumon? Not even before his parents divorced? The child is 11! THAT’S A LOT OF LIFE LIVED. Damn. :( Don’t worry, Yamato, Sora will be your friend - and then some . . .

METALGARURUMON SHOULD’VE HAPPENED. His “aura” did show up on WereGarurumon, but it was a blink-and-you-miss-it moment. You literally have to pause your screen to see it - as though Toei didn’t even want you to see it. O_o Strange.

Gabumon to Yamato: “Wow, you climbed this [mountain]?” Yes, Gabumon, he did. We are all as astonished as you are. But I know someone who will be impressed! ;)

Takeru: “Big Brother!” OMFG YASSS!!! I’ve been waiting 784392 years for them to reunite for the 734892th time. I’m so excited! I HOPE THEY DON’T SPLIT UP IMMEDIATELY IN THE NEXT EPISODE. I’m watching you, Toei. orz

This was a filler episode. BUT I LOVED THE END. So . . . I liked that we got more background on Yamato, and I liked it simply because Yamato is (still) my favourite character in the reboot . . . but it was just an OK episode. For his “return” - I did expect more. :P

Next week looks to be fun! Lots of Jou - so here’s to hoping he gets fleshed out to be an actual likeable character! (I did like Jou in this episode, actually. Another plus!) And that Taichi doesn’t shoehorn himself in for 90% of the episode. I’m also just super excited for all the kids to be together! :D

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure:#digimon adventure 2020 #yamato ishida #jou kido #takeru takaishi #review #screenshots #spoilers #even yamato gets a filler episode as a return...#lol

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waywardwrestlewritingwaif · 4 years ago

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Whisky Secrets (sequel)

Here's something different. Before I ever thought about posting fanfic here, I used to write things inspired by fanfic I found by some of the incredible writers I found on tumblr. I've never posted any of them but I've really felt like writing something for Aleister Black/ Tommy End lately.

So I reached out to one of my original favourites on this site, @ghostofviperwrites and asked her if she'd mind if I published this sequel I wrote to her story Whisky Secrets. She gave me the ok (for which I thank her very much).

You absolutely have to read her piece first or this won't make any sense. It picks up literally at the point where hers leaves off and the entire premise is based on what she wrote. I think this goes in a very different direction than what she had in mind, though.

Since this is an old story, some of the characters are very different than they are now. It was set at around the time I wrote it. Based on events in the story, it's pretty clear when that was.

It's a bit dated but I hope you enjoy.

Pairing: Aleister Black x OFC (hints of Roman Reigns x OFC)

Word count: 7,031

Content advisory: graphic sexual content, language, incidental roughness that some might find stressful

You rested on the sofa for too long, knowing that you had to get to work, that you were already behind on an assignment that was due that afternoon. As much as you desperately wanted to cling to the scent and the feeling of him being there with you and the idea that he might someday want to be there with you for longer, you knew that you were only wasting time by indulging in a fantasy. Once again, you reminded yourself, he saw you as a friend, a landing pad after he was finished his adventures. And so you dragged yourself to the computer and tried to focus.

It was a fluff piece you’d been hired to write: places for new residents of Orlando to meet people. You’d accepted it because the pay was good and it had seemed easy. But what the hell did you know about meeting people? You’d barely met anyone and the only ones that you’d call friends were the ones you met when you’d done an in-depth profile on the WWE and their development territory NXT. Of those, only Aleister had remained close and even then, you couldn’t say that the two of you had ever properly opened up to each other. Nevertheless, you’d stayed in touch with a number of them, occasionally meeting for coffee or drinks. None of this was in any way useful when it came to recommending locations to connect with strangers.

You’d tried to start the article the day before but now when you opened the file, you discovered that you’d only come up with a half a dozen corny titles and one word of text:

When?

The word was too painfully appropriate.

When were you going to run out of luck and be unable to find further work as a journalist?

When were you going to admit that what kept you here, rather than moving to another state and pursuing more secure work, was the fact that you were in love with a man who was only interested in your capacity as a friend and caregiver?

When was your hopeless love going to break you beyond repair?

Annoyed with yourself, you deleted the word and tried to start again. You could meet people at the gym classes that were ubiquitous in this city. You could meet people at get-togethers for shared hobbies like hiking or pottery or basically anything. No one had to meet people by getting thrown into their orbit and being unable to extricate themselves.

About half an hour into your resentful hammering on the keyboard, you were startled by your doorbell. For one sweet instant, you imagined that it was Aleister dropping by to pass some time with you. Then you realized that he never came to you without an invitation unless it was dead drunk in the middle of the night. Even when you invited him, it was only every fourth or fifth time that you asked that he agreed to come over and watch a movie or go for a walk in the nearby park. There was no way it was him at your door at eleven o’clock in the morning.

In fact, the person at your door was Bayley, chipper and warm as always, returning the spare laptop you’d lent her a few weeks before.

“Thank you so much,” she beamed, thrusting the computer into your hands. “You are a lifesaver. I’d have lost my goddamn mind if I hadn’t had this while mine was in the shop.”

“It was nothing,” you insist, smiling at her unconstrained warmth even though you didn’t feel very positive about your life at that moment. “Do you want to come in for a minute?”

She nodded cheerily and stepped across the foyer. You never really knew how you fit in with the women of WWE, even though you’d spoken to many of them in depth. Bayley stood out because she was determined to be your friend despite your introvert’s reluctance. And, indeed, she was irresistible. Much like her in-ring character, she cast sunshine wherever she went and her glow was contagious, even in your darkest and lowest moments.

You motioned her into the kitchen, offering her a choice of lemonade, iced tea or water. Her eyes immediately fell on the empty whiskey bottle you’d left on the counter, her expression growing more serious as she focused on it.

“Getting started early?” she cajoled.

“A friend left that here,” you replied guiltily.

She narrowed her dark eyes as she looked at you. Sweet and optimistic as she was, Bayley was not naïve. She knew exactly what friend had left the bottle behind and she knew how you felt about him.

“I’ll have a glass of lemonade,” she said, the smile slowly returning to her face.

You joined her and the two of you jokingly touched glasses before drinking.

“So, a few of us are getting together tonight,” she said hesitantly. “I thought you might like to join us.”

Your first instinct was to ask if Aleister would be there, but you thought better of it. Instead, you responded, “Well, I have an article I need to finish.”

Of course, your article was due by the end of the afternoon, which meant that your evening was free regardless, but part of you wanted to be at home in case Aleister came staggering over again.

Bayley’s jaw set in a determined expression you’d only seen from her in the ring. “We’re having a party for Roman, to celebrate him going into remission.”

Well now you felt like a bit of a bitch for making excuses and didn’t know what to say.

“It won’t just be wrestlers there. Some other journalists are even coming. And I know that it would mean a lot to him if you were there.”

When you’d done your article on the WWE, you’d interviewed Roman Reigns and he’d been incredibly generous with his time. He’d even contacted you after your interviews to confirm that you had all the detail you needed. He was the face of the company and had done everything possible to make sure that the company had provided what you required. He’d clearly wanted to make sure they’d left a good impression and you couldn’t help but be impressed by his PR skills. Although you knew it wasn’t true that it “would mean a lot to him”, you were touched by the idea that he remembered you and might like you to be there to celebrate his great news. At the same time… you needed to be there for Aleister.

“Look,” Bayley insisted, “I’m going to text you the details for the bar where we’ll be. It’s not a big deal, just a bunch of us getting together to be happy for our friend.”

There was no way that you could refuse that, so you shyly thanked her as she gulped the rest of her lemonade and made for the door.

“I’m serious,” she said as she departed. “You work so damn hard you deserve a night off. Finish what you’re doing and come have fun with us.”

As soon as she’d left, you once again sat down at your computer. Before you could return your attention to your work, however, you couldn’t resist checking Instagram.

Someone had tagged Aleister in a photo on Instagram.

Yes, you were that pathetic that you always checked.

With trepidation, you clicked the link to look at what was there. As it too often did, the notification came from an airbrushed-looking woman, her collagen-enhanced lips pressed against his. She looked arrogant and proud, while he looked smug and inebriated.

“Guess who I got to hang with last night?” the caption gloated.

You knew damn well what “hang” was a euphemism for. He never cared that the Barbie dolls he hooked up with advertised their conquest on social media. He was single and hot. Why should he care if people knew that he always scored with the sort of women other men lusted after? Why should he care that it ripped your heart to shreds every time you saw him with another woman so unlike you in every way?

The woman had posted a few other photos of the two of them together, embracing. Every part of her magazine-ready body was on display, save those parts that would have gotten her in trouble. Her artificially perfect breasts were spilling out of a tiny tube top while her endless legs were shown in their full glory between the edge of a skirt that likely required her to trim her pubic hair and the sky high heels that raised her enough to press her lips to his without having to stretch herself awkwardly. She was nothing like you, with your unkempt hair and loose, bohemian dresses, your comfortable ballet flats and blandly natural face. She had all the glamour that you lacked and he ate it up.

The images of the two of them cut into you like a laser and, for once, all you desired was to break free from the pain of feeling. A few minutes later, when Bayley sent the text she’d promised with the details of where you could find the party tonight, you immediately responded.

“I’ll be there. I promise.”

To hell with Aleister and the designer women he adored, you told yourself as you returned to your article with a vengeance. Tonight you were going to do whatever it took to break the spell he had cast over you.

It was just after nine when you found yourself teetering to the entrance of the bar where the party was taking place. It was marked only by a subtle sign, no words, just a stylized anchor, and it was hidden away on a tiny street that was hardly more than an alley. In your fit of pique, you’d finished your article two hours before your deadline and then, having examined the options in your closet and found them wanting, headed out and spent entirely too much money on a new dress that clung perfectly to your breasts before flaring out to highlight the movements of your body, while covering just the bare minimum to maintain decency. You’d also picked up a stylish pair of ankle boots with heels higher than you were used to and that posed a legitimate threat as you made your way down the roughly paved road to the speakeasy-style bar.

A little further down the alley, you see a couple leaning against a car, taking turns swigging from a liquor bottle. The woman is one of those glamorous animals that makes you so insecure, laughing in drunken delight in a way that only confident people can. In one quick movement the man spins her around and bends her over the hood of the car. He immediately takes out his cock, stroking it a couple of times before he thrusts into her, one hand on her back while the other holds the bottle that he continues drinking from. And it’s a moment before you realize that it’s Aleister, fucking away at a woman whose name he won’t remember in a few hours.

The sight makes you want to curl up and die, makes you want to say that you’ve made a mistake and run along home so you can bawl your eyes out while you wait for his inevitable drunken arrival. But, if nothing else, the damage that you’ve done to your credit card in order to make yourself look just a bit more sexy and edgy than usual, as well as the glasses of wine you had already consumed to fortify your courage, push you forward. This is a test. In order to pass, you need to be able to ignore the man whose indifference is killing you and enter the world of others, where someone who wasn’t up to the standards of the rarified model girls might be willing to give you a second look.

Aleister doesn’t even glance up as you enter the bar a few feet away from him, can’t feel the dark weight of your eyes on him or the force with which you tear them away as you step through the door.

As soon as you do, you are once again frozen with the idea that you’ve made a mistake. When Bayley characterized this as a “get-together”, you’d assumed it meant a group of people spread out around a few tables chatting away and toasting Roman’s health. Instead, what greets you is a basement club full of people with a dance floor alive with writhing bodies. You recognize a few journalists but for the most part, the space is taken up with every WWE and NXT star you’ve ever heard of. It’s a convention of beautiful people and you can’t help but feel dowdy even in your overpriced finery.

You slowly descend the stairs, fully intending to look around, say hello to a few familiar faces and then bolt for the exit, but you’re immediately greeted by a familiar voice that fairly shrieks. “Oh my god woman, just look at you!”

It’s Sasha Banks, standing at the edge of the stairs with Bayley, who gives you an exaggerated round of applause.

“Miranda, you look amazing,” Sasha continues breathlessly. “Seriously, you’re putting everyone to shame.”

You don’t feel like you’re putting anyone to shame, least of all Sasha in her body suit that hugs every curve of her perfect little hourglass, but you blush at the compliment.

“Come on,” Bayley gushes, “we need shots to celebrate your hotness!”

She pulls both of you through the crowd to the bar and somehow is able to get the bartender’s attention almost immediately, ordering two rounds of tequila shots because, she tells you and Sasha, there’s no point in getting just one round when you know you’re going back for seconds. The three of you toast and toss down the shots and then immediately do so again and you have to admit that you’re feeling the warm glow already. Sasha, apparently feeling something herself, wraps her arms around you and once again reassures you that you are devastatingly beautiful.

Another shot is thrust into your hand, this time by Dash Wilder, who’s arrived with his Revival partner Scott Dawson. Wilder has always been attractive to you, so you give him as radiant a smile as you can manage and you swear he blushes a little just before he downs his shot. Dawson is hugging Sasha and Bayley close to him, allowing Dash to edge a little closer to you and you’re feeling a little high on yourself when another voice cuts through your circle.

“Miranda? Holy fuck I can’t believe you’re here!”

Roman Reigns pushes right through the bodies close to the bar and grabs you firmly by the shoulders, his eyes gradually focusing on yours. He’s grinning with an intensity that clearly comes from his being a little past feeling no pain but it doesn’t hamper the thrill it gives you when he wraps his arms around you and nearly crushes you in a hug.

“I mean, shit, I don’t think I’ve even talked to you since you did that interview,” he pouts. “Thank you so much for coming.”

You smile as another shot is pushed into your hand, biting your lip self-consciously. You down about half the shot before Roman grabs it from you and finishes it, breaking up with laughter. He signals the bartender for another round, keeping an arm around your back until the tray of shots arrives. You’re all toasting each other and you wonder why you ever questioned yourself for coming here because this is exactly what you needed.

“Come dance with me,” Roman chuckles, grabbing your wrist and pulling you towards the dance floor. He’s clearly floating on a sea of drunken bliss, goofing around and happy to have someone to have fun with, someone he didn’t expect to be there. Even if you wanted to resist his offer, you couldn’t because, while he isn’t doing anything that might hurt you, his grip is strong enough and the rest of him powerful enough to compel you forward.

The two of you deliberately dance like complete nerds in high school, awkward movements and ironic posturing until you’re both laughing so hard you can barely stand. It’s then that you realize that you’ve become the focus of some attention; Roman goddamn Reigns, the face of the company, the locker room leader, the man who everyone has come to celebrate, is dancing with you. Most of the people here have no idea who you are but because you’re with Roman, you are somebody. Basking in the subtle attention and envy, you close your eyes and allow yourself to get lost in the music, swaying to the beat until you feel a large pair of hands on your hips.

You open your eyes to see Roman pulling you closer to him with a devilish grin before spinning you around and pulling your back against his massive chest. You continue to move but at a slower pace, your movements limited by how close he’s holding you and the sensual way in which his body moves against yours. Keeping one arm loosely around you, he lets his other hand fall against your thigh, lightly playing with the hem of your dress. It makes you gasp.

“You never responded to any of my texts,” he murmurs gruffly in your ear.

You remember at least half a dozen messages asking if he could clarify anything or if you needed any additional material for your article. You hadn’t needed anything else but you suddenly feel terribly rude for not answering.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, “you were very professional and I should have at least told you that I had what I needed.”

His voice drops even lower as he speaks. “I didn’t mean to be professional about them. And I was hoping that you didn’t have everything you needed.”

He pulls you up and firmly against him and for the first time you can feel his hardening cock through his pants. You can’t help but thrust your hips into him, barely able to process what’s happening to you. The two of you are still ostensibly dancing, although it’s more like a rhythmic grinding to the music as he reaches down and pulls the hem of your dress up, rubbing your thigh and then your ass as he presses his lips into your neck. His hands are everywhere on you and you’re aware that your entire lower body is basically on display for anyone who cares to look but you don’t care because it feels like you’ve won the lottery. You moan at the feeling of his growing excitement against your flesh, both his large hands grazing up the front of your thighs and for a moment you think that you’re ready to beg him to take you right there when you’re violently spun away from your dance partner, a bruising grip on your arm.

It’s Aleister, eyes incandescent with rage as he tells Roman, “I need to speak to her for a minute.”

Roman looks confused and tries to speak to you but Aleister drags you away and a gaggle of women immediately descend on Roman, desperate to take your place.

Aleister flings you against the wall, glaring at you with an intensity that you’ve never seen outside the ring.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he growls.

“I was dancing before you interfered,” you snap back at him, rubbing your arm.

“Dancing?” he repeats with derision. “That’s what you call that?”

“I was having fun.”

“What the hell are you wearing?”

For the first time since you saw him with his woman of choice outside, you feel ridiculous, like a girl trying to look glamorous by donning her mother’s clothes.

“I wanted something a little different.”

“A little?” he hisses back. “Do you realize what you look like? You’re all tarted up and letting some guy grab at you and get you half naked in front of a bar full of people.”

“What I look like?”

“Everyone could see practically your whole goddamned body. They could see what you were letting him do to you.”

“You mean to say I look like a whore.”

Aleister crosses his arms and glances away, refusing to confirm what you’ve said.

“So what, Aleister? So what if I’m letting a man touch me and show me that he wants me? Who cares who else sees? Maybe that’s what I want!”

“Are you so stupid that you think he wants you for anything other than a one night stand?”

The accusation stabs at your heart and your confidence but you’re determined not to let him see that.

“Again, so what? Maybe I’m happy to have this big, gorgeous man want me. Maybe I’m fine bringing him back to my place for a few hours of fun because at least it means someone is thinking of me as a sexual being for a change.” You pause, knowing the danger of what you’re about to say but unable to stop yourself. “Maybe I’d be fine if he just took me outside and fucked me over the hood of a car.”

For a second, you think that Aleister is going to strangle you. The look on his face is like the moment before the sky erupts in thunder and lightning. Truthfully, you expect that he’ll turn on his heel and walk away from you and never come back, and perhaps that’s what you need him to do so that you can get over him.

Instead, he grabs you, pinning you to the side of his body and pulling you towards the door. His movements make you stumble, and the more you try to resist him, the more ungainly you look.

“She’s dead drunk,” you hear him assure a few people, “I’m going to make sure she gets home.”

And while it’s true that you are drunk, you’re not nearly as drunk as he’s making you out to be. The second he has you outside, you try to twist away from him and go back, only for him to wind you closer, pulling you off balance so that you look even more inebriated.

You hear him whisper to Seth Rollins, who’s observing the spectacle through the corner of his eyes. “Look, tell Roman that she’s falling down drunk and I just had to get her home. No disrespect meant.”

Seth has a confused expression on his face but nods and tells him, “Sure thing.”

Realizing what Aleister is doing, you once again try to rush past him, but he blocks you, gripping your arm and pulling you after him so that you really do appear pathetically unable to take care of yourself.

“Why the fuck are you doing this to me?” you shout at him, figuring that there’s no reason to worry about who might hear you, there being no further you can sink in their estimation. “Why can’t you just let me enjoy myself?”

“Jesus, Miranda, you’re loaded. You can barely stand up.” He emphasizes this by jerking your arm forward, which almost causes you to keel over onto your face. “You’re just embarrassing yourself.”

“No,” you insist, pulling yourself to a halt. “I knew what I was doing. I knew what I wanted. Sure I’m a bit tipsy but-“

“You don’t want that,” Alesiter snaps, threading his arm through yours and continuing down the street. “You don’t just want to whore yourself out for a night because you think it might help your self-esteem.”

“You don’t get to decide what I want, Aleister.” You’re crushed against his side and he’s moving so quickly that your feet only graze the ground every third or fourth step. “Let me go. I’m sick of playing the surrogate mother for someone who’s incapable of seeing me as a real woman. I want to go back there. I want to have someone make a show of wanting me. I want to get fucked so hard I can’t walk tomorrow.”

Aleister shakes his head like a parent frustrated with a misbehaving child. “Stop it. You’re being ridiculous.”

“So let me be ridiculous!” you yell back, trying unsuccessfully to extricate yourself from his grip. “What the hell is it to you? Are you worried that for once I’m not going to be there when you need a place to collapse at four in the morning?”

The two of you reach the corner where the alley meets the street and he swings you to face him, glowering at you with a terrifying expression, gripping your biceps so hard you know you’ll be bruised in the morning. He says nothing but stares at you until he whips his arm out and hails a taxi seemingly out of nowhere.

He launches you, there’s no other word for it, into the back seat of the car and snarls your address to the driver as your tears start to fall. The cabbie is noticeably uncomfortable with your quiet whimpering and seems confused by the fact that Aleister does nothing to comfort or engage you. He sits with his arms folded, scowling, until you arrive at your building. Reflexively, you reach for your purse only to have Aleister swat your hand away and pay the driver himself. You try to keep pace as he yanks you towards the door, but stumble because of your unsure footing in these strange heels and because your vision is glazed by the tears you’re fighting to hold in.

When Aleister pins you against the door and rummages through your purse to find your keys, it somehow feels more invasive than Roman gripping your ass for an entire bar full of people to see. You feel, for a moment, that he is looking at you with tenderness. But when the door opens, he simply guides you through it. As you hear it click shut, the last of your strength, physical and emotional, gives out and you drop to your knees, finally allowing the tears to fall. It’s a full-on ugly cry, punctuated by guttural, anguished sounds you’d never allow anyone else to hear. Despite everything, you desperately want to hear the door open again behind you and to hear him say that he’s realized he loves you.

But no, in the end, he’s just found it gross that the woman he sees as his caregiver might have another side. He found you pathetic in your overpriced dress and shoes. He knew that you were desperately trying to act like something you could never be: like someone who could compete with the perfected Instagram beauties he fucks every night. You could never be that. He knew that you were just a sad little woman decked out in a gaudy outfit. You’d never be that sexy, desirable person who stopped men dead in their tracks, no matter what your dance with Roman had temporarily led you to believe.

You’re on your knees for what seems like hours, choking on tears and snot and trying to restrain yourself from howling. Just as the sound overpowers you and a low wail escapes your lips, you’re startled by a pair of arms, familiar, tattooed arms wrapping around your waist from behind.

“Shh. There’s no need for any of that,” he grunts into your hair.

And while you’re shocked and thrilled that he actually stayed behind to make sure that you were ok, it’s also even more humiliating that he’s seen you fall apart so spectacularly. Your body feels limp with defeat and unable to react at all as he gathers you up and carries you into your bedroom, setting you gently on the edge of the bed. He rests his hand on yours for a moment and you’re able to stem the flow of tears until he stands up and heads back towards the door. This time, you’re determined to hold in the worst of your misery until you’re sure he’s gone, even though you can’t stop the tears from running down your face.

But after a few minutes of straining to hear the door close, you see Aleister return, a damp washcloth in hand, and he sits once again beside you on the edge of the bed. He presses the cloth, cool and soothing, against your cheeks and then holds your chin as he delicately wipes it across your face. It takes you some minutes to realize that he’s removing your smeared makeup, cleaning you off so that you look good as new, so that you look more like the plain girl who lets him into her home in the middle of the night, his touch filled with a tenderness that you never imagined him capable of. When he’s satisfied with his work, he tosses the cloth aside and wraps an arm around you, pulling you close against him. The sweetness of his friendly gesture makes you want to cry all over again but you choke it back, knowing that you’ll have plenty of time for that when he’s gone.

“Can I stay here tonight?” he whispers, the sound of his voice making you feel weak.

You nod and roughly pull back from him, unsure of your ability to stop yourself from throwing yourself at him and begging him to wreck you. You fumble with the zipper of your boots until Aleister slides off the bed and onto his knees and removes it for you. He glides his hand along your calf, up to your thigh and then moves to your other boot. As he slides it off, he presses his head against the side of your knee, giving the skin a light kiss before rocking back on his haunches. You know he’s being gentle with you because he feels sorry for you. He finds you pitiful, which is even worse than finding you asexual.

The feelings are too much for you to take and all you can think of is that you want to get into bed where you’ll be safe and where you can sleep off the nightmare your evening out has become. You clumsily shed your dress, stockings, bra and panties without thinking much of the fact that you have an audience. Why should it bother him seeing you naked, after all? Normally, you put on some nightclothes but you don’t even have the strength to bother. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see that Aleister has turned his head towards the door. He’s embarrassed for you, the way you would be if a parent or sibling was undressing around you.

You crawl under the covers with a grumbled “good night” and immediately start to feel yourself drift off. You’re jolted back to wakefulness when Aleister climbs in beside you. In all the time you’ve known him, as many nights as he’s come and collapsed on your sofa, you don’t think he’s ever seen your bedroom. Now, having seen it, he’s apparently happy not to leave it, indulging in the comfort of your bed without even asking permission. It makes you a little self-conscious that you’re nude but it’s hardly the most humiliating thing to happen to you tonight, so you let yourself ignore it. If you can just fall asleep, this night will be over and you can begin the process of trying to forget it.

It’s only a matter of seconds, though, until you feel his body pressed against yours from behind, one hand coming to rest flat on your stomach and pushing you back against him so that you are acutely aware that you are not the only person naked in the bed. The hand on your stomach flutters downward until his fingers are moving lightly over your pussy, like he’s plucking the strings of a harp. His other arm wraps around your shoulders and keeps you flush against him, close enough that you can’t mistake the feeling of his erection against your back.

He presses his lips and tongue against your neck, making you whimper as you try to keep your heart rate stable. Your little noises seem to motivate him further, his touch becoming more insistent and one of his legs snaking over yours, pulling it back to give his hand greater access.

“Such a little fool,” he murmurs, his fingers stroking insistently along your fleshy folds. “Thinking I don’t see you as a sexual being.”

He sinks his teeth into your shoulder, making you cry out- more from the shock than the pain. His mouth continues to move around your neck and shoulders, nipping and sucking on the skin there, his grip on you tightening until it’s nearly painful.

“What are you doing?” you manage to ask.

“Leaving marks,” he says matter-of-factly.

You’re at a loss for what to say, but are saved from having to answer as he pushes two fingers inside you, his thumb rubbing slow circles over your clit. You’re embarrassed that he must have felt how wet you were just from being in his presence but he says nothing, quickening his pace and giving satisfied little growls when his touch elicits gasps and cries of pleasure from you.

It’s pity, you remind yourself; what he’s doing to you, he’s doing it because he feels sorry for you and because he’s drunk and horny despite his encounter earlier in the evening. But the thought gets whisked away as he brings you closer and closer to what you’ve desperately needed from him for so long. You let out a little shriek when he removes his hand, unable to believe he’s so cruel as to bring you to the precipice and then deny you. But he simply flips you onto your back before pressing his fingers inside you once more, watching your reactions to be sure he’s hitting just the right spot before burying his face between your legs. His tongue, lips and fingers work together like an orchestra. Your knuckles are white from the force of clenching on the sheets and you’re biting down so hard on your lip to muffle the sounds you’re making that you’re worried your teeth will end up permanently embedded. He unexpectedly raises his head and stills the movement of his hand inside you and the shock is almost enough to make you start crying again. You look down at him, his eyes sparkling in the low light with an expression you can’t read.

“Why won’t you let me hear you?”

Because you don’t want him to know how good his merciful little gesture is making you feel. Because you don’t want to admit to yourself that it’s better than you’d imagined. Truthfully, whenever you’ve thought about the mechanics of sex with Aleister, you imagined that it would be fast and rough and hedonistic, much like his other sexual encounters seem to be. But he’s chosen this moment to take his time, to focus on his partner, rather than go for a quick, dirty fuck in a darkened corner.

You don’t tell him any of this, instead croaking out, “I’m shy.”

He raises himself up and over your body with the effortless grace of a serpent, pressing his head close to yours and kissing along your jawline.

“What do I have to do to make you not be shy?”

“I don’t know… I just… am.” You wriggle a little under him, turning your face away when he looks directly into your eyes.

He cups your face in one hand and runs the other, still wet with your juices, over your breast, teasing the nipple and making you shudder involuntarily.

“Am I moving too fast?”

You shake your head, not quite trusting your voice.

“Is there something that you’d enjoy more? Something you want me to do for you?”

You give him another little shake of the head.

“You don’t have to be shy with me. Whatever you want, I want you to tell me so I can give it to you. Anything.”

For the first time, he kisses you on the lips, his tongue, that still tastes of you, slides against yours and the hand at the side of your face slides to hold your neck, cradling your head so that you don’t have to tense any muscles to stay in that position. Your body has nothing it needs to do but experience the sensations he’s creating. Of course, you still answer his kiss, hungrily flashing your tongue against his, reveling in the light scrape of his lip ring against your lips. His hand glides back down between your legs, and even the proximity is enough to draw a couple of little mewls of pleasure. You feel him smile a little against your lips at the noises and he pulls away from the kiss.

“Am I making you feel good?”

You nod as he starts to work his fingers around your entrance once again.

“Do you want my mouth down there again?”

You nod even more vigorously than the first time but he shakes his head.

“Tell me. Say it out loud.”

You open your mouth to do so and he immediately thrusts his long fingers into your g-spot and your clit at once, making you yelp in pleasure. It’s almost enough to make you cum on its own but he eases the pressure before you reach that peak.

“Yes?” he asks again.

“Yes, fuck, yes!”

“Then let me hear you. Please.”

He returns his attention to your core and has you making all manner of unholy noises in short order. He expertly teases you and then holds back, so many times that when he does finally take you over the edge, you feel like you might pass out from the intensity of it. Your gasps for breath sound cavernous in the quiet room.

He keeps the palm of his hand firmly against you as he leans forward and presses his lips into your neck, letting out a satisfied purr every time an aftershock rolls through your body.

When he’s satisfied that you’ve fully come down, he raises himself up on his arms, giving just the hint of a smile when you grab onto his biceps to steady yourself.

He’s so rigid that he doesn’t even need a hand to guide himself into you. He simply presses forward in one slow but sure moment, his eyes closed as if it’s a kind of religious experience, not opening them until he’s fully seated inside you. It’s been long enough since you’ve been with anyone that the feeling of being stretched draws a little whimper from your throat. He remains still, his eyes open and bearing down on you with a delirious kind of excitement, aching prick twitching inside you, desperate to proceed but waiting for a signal that he can.

And it’s at that moment that you allow yourself to think that this isn’t pity or a drunken mistake, that he’s as hungry for you as you have been for him and that what’s happened tonight has just served to connect a circuit. The fiercely possessive look in his eyes as he watches you, the fury when he thought someone else was claiming you, the need to mark you to make you his, the flush of pure lust on his face and chest… it is just a little frightening, something you suspected was in him but never that it was focused on you. But you’ve always known you could handle his darkness if he let you in. So you thrust your hips a little and wrap your legs loosely around his waist to show him that he can continue. Just as he starts to move, he cups your face and presses his mouth to your ear.

“You deserve so much better.”

“Stop trying to make those decisions for me,” you moan, feeling your insides flutter with his movements.

“I’ve never felt anything like that jealousy.” He’s staring into your eyes as he confesses. He lifts one of your legs over his shoulder pressing deeper inside you and gasping at the feeling. “Knowing that everyone could see how sexy and beautiful you are… And I’m an idiot for waiting for that to happen before I did anything, I just…”

He grimaces and slows his pace a little, obviously trying to prolong the sensation.

“You mean it?” You have to ask because you still can’t quite believe that this has been on his mind for all this time when he’s shown no sign of it to you.

“God yes,” he answers through gritted teeth, once again allowing himself to move faster and more urgently.

You can’t completely banish your fears that he’s going to regret this in the morning and just shut you out again but every second with him is pushing them further away. You lace your fingers through his hair, nipping at the shell of his ear as he lets out his own stream of desperate, lusty noises, running your nails gently down his back as he approaches his crescendo.

His head drops to your chest and he cries out as he releases inside you.

“Fuck I love you, fuck I love you, fuck I love you.” He repeats it like a mantra that brings him back down from his high, saying it a final time as he looks into your eyes.

Slowly, he rolls onto his side, gathering you close to him like he thinks an errant breeze might carry you away.

“I have…” he begins quietly, “… there’s a lot that goes on in my head… Bad things, I guess. I thought you’d run away. Or that I’d pull you down with me. I still don’t know that won’t happen.”

He looks so vulnerable that it makes your heart hurt but at the same time you have to stifle a smile.

“Well I’d rather you let me try to deal with it. I’m a lot tougher than you give me credit for being.”

His expression grows a little guilty and he nods. He wraps his arms tighter around you and you do the same until the two of you are lying in your bed, wound around each other.

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