#some points that didn't need to be made
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you know what. i actually love that trying to talk to solas was the last thing varric did and it ended in complete failure. especially if you put it in the context of his feelings about anders. varric was so bitter every time he mentioned him because he could not stop him. he didn't even realize that anders was up to something and when it was too late he started to think of him as of someone who destroyed that fragile peace in kirkwall that actually never existed.
it adds layers to the way he felt about solas. he believed that time he could stop a friend who simply lost his way. because varric tethras can talk anyone out of anything, can't he? anders was just too dodgy and self-centred and cut everyone off just like solas did but this time varric is completely prepared. surely. absolutely.
he could have never talked anders out of it even if he had known what was coming. he could have never talked solas out of it either. anders was a desperate person standing against (as varric himself put it) forces he couldn't possibly defeat. solas was a god standing against a couple of mortals and his own conscience buried under his guilt and regrets. being a good friend would not stop meredith's oppression. being a good friend would not stop someone who fears so much that all of the atrocities he committed were for nothing and would mean nothing at the end. varric died because he didn't realize it. he died and left his second in command with an immense guilt because they believed he knew solas enough to pull that off and there's something tragic about it
#I love that anders-solas parallel. and can't shut up about it#oh to be so good at talking your way through anyting you convince yourself it's the only skill you need#and then lose one friend because you couldn't talk them out of it. you didn't have a chance really. otherwise it might've worked out#and then there's another friend who's up to some wild shit. but this time you know. this time you'll have a chance#because you had friends both among templars and mages in kirkwall. it should mean something. you know how to make everyone happy#unfortunately. you're not good at understanding that some people are not like you#that for some people there are things that matter more than you and your friendship. and they will not stop.#ah varric. your ability to make friends everywhere made so much things happen but also got you killed#I'm not comparing anders' and solas' causes btw. it's about how varric feels about his friends reaching the point of no return#varric tethras#anders#solas#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard spoilers
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sleepy zolu
#zolu#one piece fanart#one piece#monkey d. luffy#luffy#recoloured some old art#funny because. originally i didn't feel so good about it#but now looking at it i do really like it and i'm glad i made it#i love the way luffy is touching zoro's arm#and how the hat and the swords are hanging on each corner#it's like the rabbit-rays post. you need to be a little obsessed with your own art#(tbh it's not even really old art lol just a few months old)#but i didn't like it to the point where i deleted the original csp file#my art#roronoa zoro#100
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Black Sails (2014-2017) vs Way Down In the Hole originally by Tom Waits, theme song for The Wire (2002-2008)
#hi i have done something... insane tonight#remember when i said i needed to watch some bad tv? well i didn't do that#black sails#blacksailsedit#bsedit#black sails vs the wire#is this coherent? who knows at this point. god. anyway!#i spent ages trying to find the opening quote font from the wire for this but apparently it was custom made for the show so#this is my best approximation!#whoops forgot to tag!#tw gore#tw violence
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this#also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background…#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids#in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game#the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who#really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks#phantump#HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all#and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible#and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images#i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha#i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said#“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this#and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that#once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine#i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a#script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the#queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them#then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses#because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here#just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially#made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened#i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now
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IDW Megatron and Optimus weren't friends before the war. Here's why that makes their ship dynamic more interesting.
One comment I've heard among people comparing IDW1 MegOP to other continuities of MegOP is (paraphrased) that since they weren't friends before the war, there isn't as much material to ship them with/they don't have an established dynamic/they don't have ~*history*~ that makes them be the bitter exes we all know and love them to be.
In this meta post, I'm going to contend that the IDW1 MegOP lack of friendship before the war is actually a benefit to their dynamic in this continuity, not a negative. Although they didn't get a lot of time together before the war in terms of quantity, the quality of their interactions and the weight it gave their future rivalry is due to the tragic nature of their relationship: They saw a glimpse of each other at their best in their youth, but like a tragic myth of old, circumstances conspired to keep them apart, traumatize them, and turn them into people who couldn't trust or reconcile with each other.
The IDW MegOP's first meeting is like a fated encounter, almost as if it was destined to happen. The way that one single brush can change the entire course of history.
I like to call this a "love at first sight" moment because, although they're not in love, it has this sort of storybook magical quality to it where this one single moment has a lot of weight. This one moment where they saw each other at their best and could have a positive interaction.
When I say that they met each other "at their best" here, I'm referring to Megatron's pacifistic essays and poetry that represent his pure revolutionary spirit and care for Cybertron, and Orion's trait of showing kindness and encouraging individual freedom despite his position of authority. The way that their first encounter was so brief and unassuming makes us, the readers, yearn for more. Doesn't Megatron's silent glance behind him in that final panel make you wonder what he's thinking? They only had that one brief talk at the rodion police station but it went on to ricohet the rest of their lives. Orion started thinking about the corruption of the system due to Megatron's writing. Megatron looked back at Orion with curiosity/lingering feeling after he was escorted out of the station. Even Megatron being put on Messatine was indirectly due to Orion, since Orion delivered that speech on his behalf.
It's almost like literal chemistry, where two particles bumping into each other once can cause a chain reaction of other particles bumping and bumping and bumping until suddenly those two particles are back together.
It's a sort of magical real life scenario where you meet a stranger just once but something they did or said to you makes you remember it and think about it for a long time afterwards. except in this case the MegOPs are (un?)lucky enough to meet again. And they start a war.
I also really like that Megatron and Orion/Optimus spent most of their pre-war backstory apart from each other, because I feel like it makes them stronger characters individually instead of making all of their most important moments be about each other. This is more of a comment on fandom than canon, but many romantic stories fall into a pitfall of a relationship where the two people obsessed with each other: their romance is the most important relationship they have; the entire plot revolves around whether they're happy or upset with each other, it can even make their relationship seem unhealthy and like they have no meaningful relationships outside of their romance. In terms of MOP in other continuities, I feel that putting too much emphasis on their friendship kind of cheapens the worldbuilding and political conflict. True, it's nice when the personal and political intersect in the MegOP's lives, but sometimes I feel (especially in fanon) that the "they were friends but then they disagreed and now they're not friends" concept sometimes ends up being written as if this one simple friendship conflict was the basis of a whole war.
The benefit of IDW1 MegOP is that because they spend their pre-war time apart from each other, they develop separately as people and end up transforming into someone different from their "love at first sight" moment. I like that Orion had relationships with people like Shockwave, Roller, and Zeta, and Megatron had his student/teacher relationship with Terminus and the whole arena thing happening.
Both Megatron and Orion went through traumatizing events during this time period that changed their worldviews for the worse and made them more cynical. Megatron suffered an attempted brainwashing, losing his mentor, his first killing, then being stuck in the arena. Orion went through the loss of Shockwave to a fate worse than death, then the disappearance of his best friend Roller, then worked for Zeta and began to doubt in his ideals/goodness as a leader. In that time between the MegOP's first encounter and their ensuing encounters in a military conflict, they came back as very different people than the first glimpse they got of each other.
Since they only had that ONE first glimpse they had of each other, then met again only to be disappointed by each other's fall from grace (in each others' eyes), this sets up a lot of angst. They wonder if that first glimpse of each other was really true or if it was a lie. Should they trust in those "good" versions of each other they saw so long ago? Do those people even exist? Are they or were they ever worth believing in? Does that man I saw still exist or did I just WANT to see something good in him? That man ruined my life and I hate him for fighting against me, he's a hypocrite. I thought that man was a good person, but he's betrayed the hopes I had by becoming a violent criminal warlord/working for the evil government I thought he opposed.
It sort of has the vibes of a "love at first sight" story gone wrong where their first encounter was kind (I like to imagine Megatron was touched or at least curious about Orion, a cop, telling him to keep writing and be vocal) but then they descended into their worst selves. They only had that one small glimpse of each other at their best but now they're in a scenario where they can only be enemies.
The longing and disappointment is more obvious on Orion's part about Megatron, because Orion got this shining glimpse of Megatron at his best and most passionate, only to encounter Megatron again and all those good parts have been buried to leave only his worst. Megatron's POV about OP isn't really shown, but I feel like it could be interesting to write headcanons about it. How did Megatron feel about Orion making that speech on his behalf? Getting moved to Messatine because Orion made him so public, and all the bad things that happened there?
Yes, their first encounter was brief and they didn't really have a personal relationship before the war. But that brief encounter changed the trajectory of their entire lives. When you combine that with the fact that they saw each other as their "ideal selves", it creates that valid obsession between Megatron and Optimus. It is kind of unhealthy LMAO, because they do kind of become obsessed with each other based on an incomplete view of the other as a person. But then the war happens and they keep having personal and professional encounters that would give them opportunities to meet (such as in diplomacy meetings like Tyrest's peace negotiations and other political things that come with war). And those repeated meetings would only cause them to get to know each other better. Then you get into more mythical/legend-like story dynamics where Megatron and OP have to learn how the other thinks tactically, and their tactical knowledge becomes so intimate they start understanding how the other thinks and it's very dramatic lol. The typical our-enmity-is-so-deep-it-could-be-love enemies to lovers fare.
TLDR:
Circumstances outside of their control drove them apart, made them into different people, and kept them from becoming friends. It makes IDW MegOP feel legendary or mythical, like some sort of epic Greek tragedy of two people who were always 🤏 this close to being friends. There's longing there, and tragedy, imagining what might have been if they'd only been able to talk again, or if they had somehow been able to influence each other before they went down the bad path (violence and crime for Megatron, following Zeta and becoming Prime for Orion/Optimus). But despite that, their natural chemistry perseveres, and they talk to/about each other in a way that shows they still think of each other even when apart.
#megop#idw megop#megatron/optimus prime#opmeg#transformers meta#squiggposting#in short i love them lmao#i didn't even compile all the evidence i couldve i got lazy. but since most of this is under a readmore#i can always update it at some later point i suppose#also i admit i was slightly peeved and that was part of why i made this post#the megops don't need to have a prewar history to have an interesting dynamic#if that was the case then g1 and tfa megop wouldn't be as popular as they are and those dudes had zero relationship outside of being enemie#anyways. i dumped this in a friend's dms and pretty much copied it here#edited it. then added some screenshots. but the longer i look at it the dumber i feel so tadaaaaah#mtmte
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i stand with you in the face of a defensive misunderstanding of what critique is.
i think understanding what a critique actually is is a skill that increasingly is not taught. i remember going through freshman art courses feeling the frustration that all negative, nasty, unhelpful, and missed-the-point-entirely feedback is so commonly conflated with critique, and then critique gets a bad name because everyone remembers the time someone said their painting looked like an asshole (true story, altho now i think i would take it as a compliment) instead of the time a teacher or friend or classmate helped them uncover a hurtful bias or think of new ways to explore the same idea or how to connect it to related ideas or how to look up and understand other people's ideas on the same topic.
anyway i think you're great.
ahhh you're so kind to me!! i appreciate your support, and i think you are great also.
i have experience with giving and receiving critique as a student myself, and i think it was the best part of my degree! i majored in creative writing in college, and critique was just a generally accepted part of learning to become a writer. i don't even remember people being especially worried about receiving critique on their work. we had guidance on what kind of feedback was useful, but we were still at liberty to give it as we saw fit as like messy 19 year olds. the standard was that we gave it both written on printed copies of the work AND aloud in front of the whole class, and the writer receiving it was not permitted to speak during the critique. understanding how people are perceiving your work is important!
i don't have any particularly negative recollections of the critique process, although once in a high school writing class, the boys in the class told me that my male characters touched each other too gently and real boys are more rough with each other. in particular, they took issue with me writing that one boy nudged another. nudging is too soft. nudging is for girls. that was more than 20 years ago, and i still think about it sometimes because it was such an interesting perspective! i did not take their advice, though.
i should dig up that piece and see if it reads queer in any other ways. i think that's what they were getting at. (actually i once had a non-fiction class tell me i was in love with my roommate after reading an essay i wrote about her)(i did not listen to that advice either, but having 12 acquaintances tell you that you're gay in 2006 before you realize it yourself is Truly Something!)
i think people have conflated criticism and critique and think that being more openly analytical is the same thing as being negative. but analysis is so fun to me! analysis is why i joined fandom in the first place, and it's why i write fic! can we trust each other to be respectful and to speak in good faith even when we're not singing each other's praises? for me fandom would be better if we could.
oh i also want to clarify that i don't think it's impossible to demonstrate that you've thought deeply about a piece of fanwork while remaining completely positive. people do it all the time and do it very well!
i know i sometimes have tunnel vision wrt my own perspective. in a lot of situations, i wish it were more acceptable to be more direct, and i know people sometimes find the way i express myself to be kind of shocking. i know a lot of people like to be spoken to more indirectly than comes natural to me, and i don't mean to imply that my perspective is the only correct one or that there's no good reason to err on the side of gentleness/politeness in our responses to amateur art and writing. i just think that at a certain level of circumspection, it feels like we're all holding each other at arm's length.
i think for people who can't bear to feel exposed, making and sharing art is always going to be painful and difficult, and maybe too painful and difficult to enjoy the process unless they're sure of a soft landing. but like. the rewards of being loved only come after the mortifying ordeal of being known, right?
#ten years ago i had a comment section diagnose me with autism and they were RIGHT. and they loved me!!!!#my portfolio advisor told me that my main character was having a mental breakdown and it made all the people around her seem Villainous#for how selfishly they treated her#and i didn't realize that things seemed so dire for her but i needed to know that in order to make the story make sense!#it wasn't a mean thing to say it was just pointing out something i couldn't see! ik it was different because it was a draft tho#'looks like an asshole' makes me desperately want to see that painting#i didn't know that you're also a visual artist and i'm longing to see your work#there's this movie called igby goes down#where someone tells the main character that they're an artist and he says so do you paint?#and the character responds an artist creates art regardless of what form it takes#and i think the audience is meant to consider that character unbearably pretentious but i totally agree#it has also just occurred to me that some people are nervous about commenting on other people's work#to the extent that they're afraid they'll commit some kind of unintentional faux pas or just leave a disappointing comment#and i get that because you're also kind of sharing yourself by leaving feedback#and you don't want to offend or hurt someone who's created something that resonated with you#idk i guess stepping on people's toes is just a normal part of interacting with them#and almost never fatal
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an incomplete guide to UNIT Dating
I recently made and gave this presentation, so the information isn't entirely complete, but here. Basically I looked at every story the Brigadier appeared in and (with the help of this TARDIS wiki article) tried to put a date to all of them. some slides are missing to fit this into a single post, but not many and none essential
#doctor who#unit dating#i consider myself an expert on (TV) unit dating at this point#made a post like a year ago doing something similar#but i didn't verify anything which means it was wrong about green death and robot#and felt the need to set the record straight because its been doing the rounds lately for some unknown reason#although this technically covers less details because i didn't include stuff about like decimalisation of currency#as meaningful evidence this time#anyway whatever
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it's so fuckin funny to me that one of the devs was like "oh the combat in veilguard will be ACTUALLY FUN" like... bitch i LIKED the combat in origins and 2! it was actually fun for me! the issue was that you fucking CHANGED it for inquisition, and now you're changing it again! it doesn't even feel like dragon age combat anymore! what is wrong with you
#origins was my favorite but da2 combat was still like... tolerable at least#and i still managed to enjoy it y'know#but inquisition completely dumbed down tactics to a point where i couldn't actually effectively strategise#and i fucking hate how they handled the mage skill trees#ik archery was better in 2 and inquisition than it was in origins but like#they could definitely have improved archery without taking away from the mage abilities!#“oh yeah let's completely remove the entropy/spirit/healing trees and expect everyone to be fine with it” please just go die in a hole rn#origins skill trees were my fucking favorite they were so versatile while still being well-organised and the mage abilities were the GOAT#ik some people didn't like origins combat but i think for veilguard bioware could've made like#a standard mode and an advanced mode for tactics and by default it would be set to standard but for those of us who like tactics#we could like go in and toggle the advanced mode and it would be completely separate from the difficulty settings so that if we just want t#have more control over the tactics we totally could. y'know. instead of bioware comepletely overcomplicating the combat#but then only giving us THREE (3) FUCKING SKILLS TO HAVE EQUIPPED AT ANY GIVEN TIME LIKE THE FUCKING DUMBASSES THEY ARE.#LIKE THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF VEILGUARD COMBAT HAS STRAYED SO FAR FROM DRAGON AGE COMBAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. UGH.#oh yeah that's right i got carried away but i do still need to tag this as dragon age lol#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#datv
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#when i was first coloring him in he was gonna be golden chinchilla colored but then i was like ehhh jonah magnus should be red/orange but#elias should be gray ...so i just desaturated what i already did instead of recoloring lol but#he is now supposed to be shaded silver lol#but thats why his coat pattern is on the darker side compared to what it *should* be#og elias bouchard coming from an important/roch family and while whole thing with thinking he just *deserves* stuff bc of his upbringing.#etc. -> he is purebred and matches the breed standards etc for a scottish fold of his color#obviously the eye color doesn't matter because. ahaha#i thought elias fit the Scottish fold vibes because: Scottish folds are known for looking sort of like owls and having intense eyes#and the cat body/face type (also present in british shorthairs) to me gives off sort of... unnasumming vibes?#like ahaha yes i am a boring boss who loves paperwork look at how unnasumming i am season 1-2 elias y'know#trying to think of what cat breed jonah would be. and also jon gerry etc you know all the other characters i like#would it be boring to have multiple british shorthairs#i mean..#Michael shelley/distortion is a laperm that's all I know#i didn't particularly care with the personality attributes associated with eliascat because it didn't need to fit his personality on account#of not being his original body. but i do try to keep in mind the best personality/look/etc. cat attributes as a whole for a character#also sometimes get obsessed with jt making historical and geographical sense but then it just limits me greatly to a point im not into it#so i don't care about specific breeds in that respect lol#tma#my art#elias bouchard#the magnus archives#some notes looking back(made it 2 hours ago but still looking back ok..) on it now are that i feel like elias would never choose this breed#for his next bodyhop because of the inherent health issues in scottish folds. I saw the breed was created in like the early 1960s and#assumed that maybe the health issues wouldn't have been common knowledge until later enough for jonah to be unaware of them but actually no#there's legislation about it like 6 years later LOL so jonah would..maybe not make this choice#i guess in the future when drawing i will just make him a British shorthair#my catTMA is simultaneously 'they are just regular cats or like all show cats or something' and 'exact tma plot but as intelligent cats'#LOL its just vague in my mind idk..also maybe jon can be an Abyssinian#ALSO WHAT WAS I THINKING 'jonah may not have been aware about x thing' like did i...did i forget. me 2 hours ago was dumb as rocks
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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Alastor Has NPD Because I Said So: A Shitty Analysis
Grandiose sense of self-importance. Overestimating their capabilities or holding themselves to unreasonably high standards. Bragging or exaggerating their achievements.
It's pretty clear he thinks highly of himself. I like to think that not only does he love radio, but, being The Radio Demon, he believes himself to be heavily associated with it as if it's part of him. So when he gloats about radio being a superior medium of self expression, he's speaking about himself as well.
He was gone for seven years, and it's pretty blatant that he expects everyone else to care about that. Even if he would most certainly not give a true answer had he been acknowledged, he's desperate for that "where have you been" attention, and gets pissed when it's not received. He just naturally assumes he's important enough that other overlords would be concerned about his absence.
Assuming his smile is something he chooses to do (ignoring the stitch mark theories), it's a very visible high standard he holds himself to, and according to Viv, it's something he judges others for as well. Even alone, he refuses to drop his smile.
Frequent fantasies about having or deserving success
The finale song showcases this well, as he outright states that he wants power/control, to be "holding all the strings"
Belief in superiority. Thinking they’re special or unique. Believing they should associate only with those they see as worthy.
This goes pretty hand in hand with what I wrote in point one tbh. It seems evident that he's picky about who he's friends with as well, for example he only associates with Charlie for power.
Need for admiration. Fragile self-esteem. Frequent self-doubt, self-criticism or emptiness. Preoccupation with knowing what others think of them. Fishing for compliments.
This is more of an internal thing, which can be hard to see in a character that hides his emotions so heavily. But you can see hints of it in his reaction when his commercial is criticized, he's proud and asks for feedback, and immediately reacts negatively and gets defensive upon criticism.
He had a breakdown over the thought of his image being tainted for saving his 'friends', he's less worried about his actual injury and rather the humiliation of being defeated over something so uncharacteristic of him.
Entitlement. Inflated sense of self-worth. Expecting favorable treatment (to an unreasonable degree). Anger when people don’t cater to or appease them.
The first point is basically what I already spoke about, I don't think he really expects favorable treatment (perhaps internally, but he doesn't demand it)
That last point can be showcased with how he reacts to Lucifer, who didn't acknowledge him at all and criticized his work. He was obviously pretty openly pissed when Lucifer wasn't sucking up to him and his work.
Willingness to exploit others. Consciously or unconsciously using others. Forming friendships or relationships with people who boost their self-esteem or status. Deliberately taking advantage of others for selfish reasons.
Do I need to say more than Charlie :/ and also like everyone ever that he interacts with 😭
Lack of empathy. Saying things that might hurt others. Seeing the feelings, needs or desires of others as a sign of weakness. Not returning kindness or interest that others show.
Yeah I don't think the guy who hurts people for a living cares too much about hurting others-
And of course back to the smile thing, he sees anyone who doesn't mask as heavily he does as weak, he looks down on those who display their emotions so openly.
Frequent envy. Feeling envious of others, especially when others are successful. Expecting envy from others. Belittling or diminishing the achievements of others.
I don't actually see too much of this symptom in him, though I think it's more of an internal thing for the most part.
Arrogance. Patronizing behavior. Behaving in a way that’s snobby or disdainful. Talking down or acting condescendingly.
He seems to act most condescendingly around Vaggie, especially in the pilot, he's downright disrespectful. His interactions with Charlie upon trying to cheer her up comes off as very patronizing too.
#hazbin hotel#npd#rave ramblees#long post#i'm probably missing a bunch of scenes with more evidence but eh#i think my point is made#also i feel insane because i swear some of these are basically the same symptom with different wording?#like idk sense of grandiosity and superiority don't really need to be separate symptoms?#okay i got really lazy with this analysis#like i'm sure there's way more to talk about but my fingies hurt#like whatever attention whoring nonsense he does with Vox#or how he always tries to take over everyone else's songs#or how overconfident he was during the battle given that he didn't even bring an angelic weapon????? like bro you couldn't have won
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Good morning gamers! Hope you all have a good day! <3
As for me...😔 I've perhaps developed. A 4th Yakuza crush...I gotta stop! I can't keep developing more!!
#pan rambles#1st we got I.chiban <3#Who I'm certain will become an official f/o- I just need to reach his games. which will take a while#Second we got Y.agami who IS am official f/o <3#I was going through his tag this morning so he's on my mind today#So many kisses for him!#3rd we got...#Well. Uh.#D.aigo...😔#It was supposed to be a joke! I kept joking about him and my s/i dating at some point!! and then suddenly it didn't become a joke anymore#and 4th is...#I'm not saying who it is-#However I will say that the second I read that he was partially based off of L.upin III and S.pike from C.owboy B.ebop...I knew I was doomed#(For Context. L.upin III is like. an unlisted f/o of mine. Long story as to why I prefer keeping it that way but yeah)#(And S.pike is a pretty recent crush of mine👉👈 I always thought he was pretty handsome and watching the series only made me love him more)#so yeah#A man partially based off of two of those??? It's so over for me😔#Thankfully I still got a while before I play Y.akuza 4!! I'm safe!!!!#Kinda-
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The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."
#I've secondhand seen the way Sherlock...was.#And yeah that's very pointedly cruel to the audience.#But not everything is that aware of its following to point by point mock them for half an hour.#And I think people forget that for a period there was a unique combination of awareness of gay people and homophobia bad#and a severe need to avoid being perceived as gay (and sometimes homophobic) at the same time#while it was ALSO very acceptable to treat the existence of gay people and homophobia or discomfort with both as a joke#so that whole wink wink nudge nudge dance was a huge thing in some of the 90s and earlier 2000s#and sometimes by doing that people accidentally made it seem even more fucking gay.#Or on purpose. People also forget that yeah gay people could exist as a joke but they couldn't be casual protags or w/e.#It wasn't really done like that.#I think what it's really proof of is that the 90s/early 2000s is long enough ago that people have become illiterate to the cultural cues.#When comedians complain 'you cant make jokes anymore' sometimes this is the exact thing they're referring to.#Gay people being on TV or in books isn't some funny joke you make anymore. Just being gay or seen as gay isn't the punchline it used to be.#People are shitty about it still but it's in a different way now. Being gay isn't as much the big embarrassment it used to be.#Gay tv shows and books are a whole market now. And stuff like Sherlock or supernatural were made right in the middle of that shift.#It's the only way you could position a strategy like this. I don't know if that cultural moment really exists anymore.#Audience backlash is also more massive and in real time.#Now instead of mockery at the idea of idk Dr house md being gay conservatives would see it as a 'culture war' thing.#And non conservatives are more vocal and more liable to criticize. TV shows are seen as keepers of culture in ways they weren't before.#I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'm not an expert and I know I'm missing some pieces or things I wanted to point out.#But yeah I just think people kind of. Forgot how people treated gayness as some kind of cootie disease you had to say#You didn't have really hard all the time. People are still sort of like that but idk the language changed.#A lot of talk about homophobia and queerness is very pseudo-academic now. The distancing happens with different signifiers.#But. Yeah.#☠️#I also think queerbaiting requires a specific kind of intent as a marketing strategy.#Instead of the more likely 'well we have an unintended gay following now so I guess we can throw in some fanservice#the network would literally never allow us to do anything with it even if we wanted to though.'
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Challenge level: Impossible (Patreon)
#Doodles#Spoiler alert: I was in fact not normal about it lol#You can tell those first two are old by comparison for how short my hair was at the time lol#From back in July! I guess I just hadn't been drawing myself much there for a bit huh#As for that last one I swear I Promise I drafted this in September it's not a reference I'm just actually genuinely Like This lol#I didn't choose this life etc. etc. lol#From the top!#Burst of inspiration wherever could that have come from hehe <3 What could've happened in July that made me want to draw I wonder hehehe#Bit funny considering I fell off posting - not like the inspiration stopped! And what I Did draw was Very lol#I still have some of it in an ever-present photoviewer because I like being able to look at it at any point <3#Still inspired! Still want to do more studies!! So pretty ♥♪♫#Sleepy thoughts - I had my Pkmn Diamond/SoulSilver field dex/guides for all of like two months and then they were packed up again#And this was Before the Pokemon burst! Sheesh sheesh#I love my field guide dexes they're so neat and well-made ahh#I have got a couple craft projects still back-burnered - those papercrafts to do with Pokemon are still on the list!#A little Pokedex-notebook is so fun.......And I have Pokemon stickers that I could put in it or on it......ah........#I do want to! I will at some point the energy will return to it eventually#Alright so the main course lol#Went fabric shopping for plushies because yes I Am determined to Make Thing! Another that's been a bit backburnered - but I will!!!#I do still really want to it's turned out pretty good for far :) But while I was shopping!!#We did the usual small talk thing with the store employee like ''Oh what are you buying this for'' that whole back-and-forth#So I explained that I was making plushies and needed the tear-away stabilizer to draw the embroidery outline on#In my head I was being very tempered because while /I/ know that I'm making a Max plushie not many people are familiar with him (wrongly so)#Lol#So we continued and he was like ''Oh cool I've made some patches with embroidery :)'' so I asked of what and he lead with CotL's crown#And then-#Look Zarla's work was Already on my mind with Max as my project I was in a Delicate Way already do you really expect me not to talk about it#The answer was no and he walked away with a Vargas recommendation in his pocket I hope he enjoyed it lol#And I got my fabric and started work on Max's face it's fine it all worked out in the end it's all good it's great lol#I Was encouraged to come back with my finished project so that's on my to-do once I get him in a presentable state haha
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Spoilers for the 2024 annual:
Mimic- buddy- you don't need knives and murder... you need friends and some SERIOUS THERAPY!!!!
#'maybe I didn't want the spotlight- maybe all I wanted was to be noticed'#MY GUY#Eggman made mental health hard to come by and now we have former bullied theater kid turned murderer#Mimic- these are symptoms#I get he's irredeemable now- but still...#no- you didn't need eggman to get rid of people that made you happy!#The way he described it too- that feeling of pain and people only saying what you want to#I feel like I need the back story for the backstory because he felt this way a bit BEFORE he began feeling like he had no personality#mimic the octopus#sonic idw#idw spoilers#I both hate him and feel bad for him- like any good villain#but oh geez- someone get this man some help with his mental health- even if it's pretty late at this point
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