#some people just don't have taste I guess
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Not so mean and scary
Did someone ask for a Steddissy fic to this? Here it is!
All that craziness happened right before the Christmas break, so Eddie was grateful to squirrel himself away inside his trailer to hide from people and even more grateful that he got to escape by driving Dustin to his science fair in Indianapolis. Hopefully, everyone had time to cool down. When he pulled up to the school, he found Jeff waiting for him in his normal spot. He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking awkward.
"Hey," Jeff said.
"Hey," Eddie said.
"I'm sorry I'm never told you," Jeff said.
"What? That you're attracted to me?" Eddie scoffed. "I didn't judge you when you told us you're gay, but I'm definitely judging you for your taste in men, so that might have been a good call."
"Fuck off, asshole!" Jeff laughed. "I definitely want to fuck you, but date you? Nah, you're too much of a mess for me."
"Dick!" Eddie laughed. "At least, things haven't changed in that aspect. . .please, tell me things have gotten back to normal."
"Wish I could, man, but it's now socially acceptable to like Eddie Munson: platonically, romantically, and sexually. You've opened up the floodgates to self-acceptance," Jeff shrugged.
"The jocks did that," Eddie scowled.
"Yeah, but they wouldn't have if they hadn't been inspired by you to stand up to Jason and his friends," Jeff pointed out.
"Gah!" Eddie yelled. "I'm mean and scary, Jeff! Mean and scary!"
"Not anymore, man. Now, it's Jason and his friends who are the freaks," he replied. "Higgins is pissed."
"Of course, he is. He's always been out to push people like us out of school," he rolled his eyes. "Alright, I guess I should face the music. . .nope, nope, I can't!"
"Be a big boy, Eddie," Jeff laughed as he pushed him.
Eddie walked past people, and so far, everything seemed great. No one was paying any attention to him, focused on trying to walk on the still icy concrete. Until. . .a guy whose name he didn't know cheerfully waved at him. A shiny rainbow pin was fastened to his coat. Eddie screamed as the guy gave him another friendly wave before walking off. Jeff rolled his eyes before clapping his hands onto Eddie's shoulders and steering him into the school. He moved through the hallway, passing by people who waved at him. Some of them had rainbow pins, and some of them didn't. Eddie didn't get that one. He thought he managed to find someone who was still afraid of them when he jumped out at someone, and he jumped. Eddie started to grin until the guy laughed, slapping Eddie's arm.
"Oh, Eddie, man, you're hilarious," he said.
"No, I'm scary!" Eddie shrieked.
"I used to think that but I was just scared of how I felt. . .oh, someone works out," the man said as he squeezed Eddie's arm. "Can't believe I ever thought I was into women."
Jeff clapped a hand over his mouth and pulled him away from the guy before Eddie could scream again. Just as they were about to approach Eddie's locker, they ran into Steve Harrington. Jeff removed his hand.
"Hey, Munson, how are you handling your newfound fame?" Steve asked.
"I do NOT want you caress my bicep," Eddie said.
"I wasn't going to," Steve laughed. "I wouldn't touch you unless you wanted me, too."
"I like women," Eddie scowled.
"Yeah, so do I," Steve said, winking at him.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, I decided to come back to school just to flirt with you," Steve said, and Eddie scoffed, blushing. "Nah, I was dropping off Dustin his lunch. He forgot it in my car. By the way, thank you for taking Dustin to the science fair. I kind of wish I had gone with you guys instead of going on that date. It would have been a lot more fun."
"Uh. . .you're welcome, I guess," Eddie said and tried to control his rapidly beating heart.
"Steve Harrington, don't you have a low paying menial job to go back to?" Chrissy asked from behind him.
"Chrissy Cunningham, I thought we were friends," Steve said.
"We are, but we're also competition now," Chrissy said.
"Ah. . .Do you like Eddie, too?" Steve asked.
"Ever since middle school," Chrissy said.
"You remember that?" Eddie asked.
"Corroded Coffin, how could I forget?" Chrissy asked.
"Kind of thought you got swallowed up by high school and popularity," Eddie said.
"I did," Chrissy said. "I'm back, now. I like your hair."
"Yeah, me too. It's definitely better than the shaved look," Eddie said, grinning. "Also, I got these sweet tatties now."
Eddie pulled his shirt down to reveal two tattoos on his chest. Chrissy bit her lip and reached over to trace the tattoos with her finger tips.
"Sexy," Chrissy said in a husky voice.
"Y-yeah?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, yeah," Chrissy said. "I should get to class. It's good catching up with you, Eddie. Steve, you really need to step up your game. Eddie. . .balls in your court."
Eddie clutched his chest and collapsed against the lockers, staring after her.
"Damn," Eddie and Steve said.
"Yeah, I guess I do have to step up my game," Steve said and winked at Eddie. "Good luck with all this."
Steve walked away, swinging his hips as he did so. Eddie's eyes zeroed in on his ass.
"I like women!" Eddie yelled.
"So do I!" Steve yelled back.
"Why do you keep saying that?!" Eddie shrieked and Steve laughed as he exited the school.
"Man, you do you realize you can like both?" Jeff asked.
"What?! No!" Eddie yelled, and then he grabbed Jeff by the front of his shirt. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought you knew," Jeff said with wide eyes.
"Was it just me, or were Chrissy Cunningham and Steve Harrington. . ." Eddie trailed off.
"Vying for your affection, yeah," Jeff replied.
"Hmm, whoever shall I choose?" Eddie cackled. "Who shall win the hand of one Eddie Munson?"
"Eddie, you still got me by the shirt," Jeff said.
"Oh, sorry."
"No, problem."
While Eddie had once been freaked out by the fact that people now liked him, he realized that it gave people to be more free to be themselves in the hallway. He did yelp when he found two jocks making out against the lockers, and then he grinned before moving on. Maybe it did have something to do with him constantly standing up to people, letting his own freak flag fly, but maybe it also had something to do with all freak occurrences that happened in Hawkins specifically the fire at Starcourt mall. Maybe they realized that life was too short. Eddie moved through the school, greeting his people through the halls with a wave and very melodramatic, Renaissance style greetings. He still felt like he was dreaming, especially knowing that Chrissy and Steve were planning to woo him.
"Pssst, Wheeler," Eddie hissed, peeking through the door of the nearly empty newspaper room.
"Eddie?" Nancy asked. "You're allowed to enter."
"Oh good, I wasn't sure," Eddie said and moved to sprawl across her desk.
"But you're not allowed to do that," Nancy said.
"So, what is Steve’s deal?" Eddie asked, raising his eyebrow. "Or do you know?"
"Are you asking about what he likes?" Nancy asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I mean. . .kinda, sorta," he said.
"Yeah, I know he's bisexual. He told me when we were dating," Nancy said.
"What should I expect with him trying to woo me?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, he was always really good at finding what you like, letting you tell him what you need even when you can't say it," Nancy said. "And he likes taking care of people even if he complains about it a lot. And he loves holding hands. You never really know what to expect because he's full of surprises."
"Has he ever been wooed?" Eddie asked.
Nancy frowned at him as she thought about it.
"You know, I don't think he has," Nancy said.
"Knowing Carver, I don't think Chrissy has either," Eddie frowned. "Not really."
"Steve and Chrissy?" Nancy asked.
"Yeah," Eddie said, flashing his dimples. "They both want me. I'm sorry to say, Wheeler, that my dance card is all full up."
"Just because I find you attractive doesn't mean that I want to actually do anything about it," Nancy replied.
"You and Jeff. . .honestly," Eddie grinned. "Anyway, I have got planning to do! See ya."
Eddie made his way stealthily through the library before finding the stacks of yearbooks. He pulled one from 85 and opened. He flipped between one page and then to another. Back and forth. Back and forth.
"Which one?" Eddie hissed as he looked at Steve and Chrissy's yearbook photos. "I don't have enough information to decide."
"What are you doing, Eddie?" Dustin asked as he suddenly popped his head through the shelf right next to Eddie's head.
Eddie shrieked and clutched his chest. He turned and glared at his protege.
"You butthead, Henderson," Eddie gasped.
"Seriously, what are you doing?" Dustin asked.
"Hold on, let me stop my heart from, oh, I don't know, JUMPING OUT OF MY FUCKING CHEST!" Eddie yelled.
"Quiet!" The librarian yelled.
"Don't be so dramatic," Dustin said, rolling as his eyes as he plopped down next to him on the floor. "It's not like I'm a duck."
"A duck?! Where?!" Eddie asked, whipping his head around fearfully.
"Eddie, why would a duck be in a library?!" He asked in exasperation.
"Because ducks are evil, and I'm pretty sure they're plotting to take over the world," Eddie said. "And a library is a good place to start."
"What are you doing?" Dustin asked again.
"Trying to make a decision," Eddie sighed.
"Between Steve and Chrissy Cunningham?" Dustin asked.
"Yeah," Eddie sighed.
"Why do you have to choose one?" Dustin asked.
"Well, because otherwise I'd be leading them on," Eddie rolled his eyes.
"Why not date both of them if they're okay with it?" He asked.
"Listen, just because I happen to like both men and women does not mean I have to date both," he replied.
"No, but you want to, and isn't that the important thing here. . .that everyone involved wants to?" Dustin asked.
"You might have a point," Eddie said thoughtfully.
"I do have a point," Dustin said. "You have overturned this school in like a day, turned it into like a safe haven, so I think you can definitely date two people if you wanted to."
"Never change, Henderson!" Eddie yelled as he jumped up.
"I wasn't planning on it!" Dustin yelled. "Are you planning on going to lunch?! Lucas is actually going to sit with us for once!"
"I'll be there!"
"Quiet! This is a library for Pete's sake!"
Eddie skidded to a halt outside the window to the classroom that Robin Buckley was sitting in. At some point today, Eddie was planning on going to class, but right now, he was too busy. He cracked open the window, and to his amusement, Robin was right by it and fast asleep with her cheek pressed against her arm. Eddie pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and threw it at Robin. She sat up, wiping her face, and she scowled at Eddie.
"What the hell are you doing, Munson?" Robin asked.
"What kind of flowers does Steve like?" Eddie asked.
"Why do you want to know?" Robin asked.
"I want to see if he wants to open a flower shop together," Eddie said.
"Really?" Robin asked.
"No! I want to woo the fuck out of him!" Eddie hissed.
"Well, it's not totally far-fetched. Steve would actually like that, though. Ooh, a jock and a metalhead opening a flower shop together then falling in love? Oh, the story just writes itself," Robin said.
"Robin, focus - ooh, we could call the shop - no, no, focus!" Eddie exclaimed, shaking his head.
"Maybe not a flower shop because Steve doesn't really get the idea of giving people decapitated dead things as gifts. Ooh, baking - you could bake him something! You could open a bakery with him!" Robin said.
"Okay, are you or are you not his best friend in the entire world? I mean, that's the word on the street," Eddie hissed. "Help me out here! I can't bake for the life of me!"
"I really don't need to. You've basically been wooing him without even knowing about it," Robin said. "Despite his complaining, he loves those kids, especially Dustin and the fact that you were with them, giving them a safe place to belong. . .it meant a lot to him."
"Got it. He basically wants a baby daddy. . .a partner," Eddie said. "Someone who cares about those kids as much as he does while also being able to knock their egos down a notch. I swear the tone on Dustin. . ."
"Yeah, basically, and he doesn't say it but I know he wishes he just has someone to take care of him, you know?" Robin said. "Unlike his shitty parents."
"You know, I always thought people like him had it easy," Eddie said. "But seeing all of this, even knowing what they've called me, they struggle just as much as we do."
"You know, Steve, when he called you freak, out of sheer ignorance, he thought it was a nickname like when people called him the Hair," Robin said.
"He doesn't know that people were calling him that to be mean?" Eddie asked.
"No," Robin said.
"Miss Buckley! Mr. Munson! Is my lesson getting in the way of your conversation?!" The teacher yelled.
"Oh, absolutely not, Mrs. D! How's the arthritis?" Eddie asked cheerfully.
"Get to class!"
"Right!"
Okay, he was for sure going to class after lunch, but this time, he really needed to talk to Chrissy's cousin, Vickie. It was the last period before lunch, so he really needed to talk to her. The girl in her math class had said she was in the bathroom. Eddie skidded down the hallway and came to a stop.
"Nope, can't go in there, I am a gentleman-ish. Well, I do have boundaries," Eddie said and leaned against the lockers to wait.
There was no one else in the hallway, and from what it sounded like to Eddie, there wasn't anyone else in the bathroom except for Vickie. He could hear her talking to herself, and it was very likely that she was talking to her reflection.
"Oh. I should tell her. I should definitely tell her. Oh, but I can't. . .what if she doesn't like me at all or women?! What if she's not okay with it. I mean, there does still seem to be people who don't agree with all of this, and what if this is just a freak accident? Like, maybe someone put something in the water or there's a gas leak? Maybe we're all having the same hallucination. . .no, that's crazy. Just as crazy as me telling Robin I like her. I mean, I tell her that I like her, and everyone snaps out of it before going back to normal. Maybe it would be safer going back to Dan. . .no, no, he's a dick! Oh, but he's so good with his hands, terrible with his mouth. Oh, what if she does like me and she dumps me because I'm so bad at sex?! That's crazy, Robin isn't like that, but how would I know? How do you even have sex with women? Where do you - oh, God, sex with Robin - ugh, I should have gone to that gay bar in Indie everyone went to over break - oh, Robin's boobs!"
Eddie couldn't help it. He let out a laugh. Eddie quickly slapped a hand over his mouth. It was too late, though. The door opened, and Vickie poked her head out the door.
"I heard nothing!" Eddie exclaimed.
"So, you heard everything," Vickie laughed.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop," Eddie said. "Someone in your math class told me you were going to the bathroom, and I swear I wasn't going to follow you in there. I was just going to wait out here until I could get your opinion on something."
"Okay, and that would be?" Vickie asked.
"How close are you with your cousin, Chrissy?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, she's my best friend," Vickie asked.
"Great, I need more information," Eddie said. "Not all of it, of course, because I do plan on getting to know her on my own, but I do need some information to surprise her with when I woo her because I also don't want to accidentally offend her."
"Woo her?" Vickie asked.
"I plan on wooing her and Steve Harrington before they can woo me," Eddie said. "I'm going to win their little competition and they don't even know that I'm playing."
"Technically, haven't they already been wooed if they're trying to woo you?" Vickie asked.
"Semantics!" Eddie exclaimed. "Let's retire that word because I have said and heard it too many times today."
"Well, the fact that you're showing any actual interest in her is definitely a step up from Jason and that you're trying to find out what she likes," Vickie said.
"She deserves that," Eddie said.
"Oh, definitely," she said and smiled softly at him. "Well, she doesn't like flowers because she's never really understood getting dead things as gifts, but she loves chocolates. . .specifically, chocolate covered strawberries."
"Man, that's Steve and Chrissy both. What's up with them and flowers?" Eddie asked.
"Maybe it's something to do with ripping flowers from their home and people using them to make their homes pretty, but then once they served their purpose, they're tossed aside?" Vickie asked.
"So, they represent how they themselves are used and then tossed aside?" Eddie asked and frowned. "Damn. That's fucking deep. I'm going to be thinking about that one. Think, Munson, think! Oh, I got it!"
"Mr. Munson!"
"Oh, hey, Mrs. D, I am just seeing you everywhere today. . .may I just say that you are wearing a lovely shade of purple! It suits you!"
"Get. To. Class."
"I. Am. Trying."
Eddie did, actually, attend lunch and the rest of his classes. Being distracted by Chrissy and Steve pulled his attention away from everyone being nice to him all of a sudden. It helped, especially when Chrissy flirted with him with her eyes across the cafeteria. He did the same, leaning his elbow in Dustin's applesauce as he batted his eyelashes and hid behind his hair. A few minutes later, Robin came back into the cafeteria and held up a sign:
Steve agreed to pay me $50 to do this. He also agreed to do the same if I needed it. This is from Steve.
Robin leaned forward and gave Eddie her best comehither look before running her hands through her hair, winking at Eddie and shooting him finger guns. He had laughed in delight and ended up knocking Dustin's applesauce into his lap. Chrissy was scowling at Robin, but she was also trying not to smile.
"This is only going to get worse when you guys actually start dating, isn't it?" Dustin asked with a sigh.
"Oh, yeah."
Finally, after school, Eddie managed to convince the theater arts teacher to let him use the drama room for what he had planned to do. Had it really only been a day? He had realized that as he sat on his throne with a robe thrown over him and the hood over his eyes, waiting for his prey. Finally, the doors opened, and he grinned when he heard their voices.
"You can't just call dibs on a person, Christine!" Steve exclaimed. "Especially when it's because you saw him first!"
"Why the hell not, Steven?" Chrissy asked.
"Because it's childish!" Steve yelled.
"Well, it seems like it's right up Eddie's alley!" Chrissy exclaimed.
To his amusement, they had yet to notice Eddie sitting on his throne.
"Why were we told to come here, anyway? I don't see Eddie at all," Steve said with his hands on his hips.
The lights flickered on above Eddie, revealing himself. A horn behind him started to play.
"Robin?" He asked, squinting at the light and Eddie smiled.
"Tis I, Edward Munson, your one true love!" Eddie burst out in dungeon master voice. "I have decided to bring this competition to an end. I have had many offers and many favors, but it has come down to the two of you - "
"Oh, man, you're not going to make us fight to the death, are you?" Steve asked.
"Ooh! I can totally take Steve," Chrissy said, cheerfully.
She dropped her bag and rolled up her sleeves. She raised her fists and started bouncing around Steve, her ponytail bouncing with her. Eddie bent over laughing. God, she was so fucking cute. Clearly, Steve thought so, too.
"Alright, stop that," Eddie said, dropping his voice for a moment.
"So, you already made a decision? Seems pretty quick. We didn't get to enjoy the chase," Steve said.
"Yeah, I was looking forward to seeing what Steve would bring to the table, but I'm looking forward to your answer," Chrissy said, and then she gasped in realization. "Steve. . ."
"What?"
"Do you think that Eddie might be naked under his robe?" Chrissy asked, giggling.
"Oh, I did not think about that," Steve said and then he grinned. "But now I am."
"That's not what - No, I am not - !" Eddie shrieked.
"Eddie Munson, you better not be naked under your robes!" Robin yelled from the back.
"Robin?" Vickie asked.
"Vickie? Where are you?" Robin asked.
"I'm manning the lights!" Vickie asked cheerfully.
"How did you get involved?" Robin asked.
"Oh, Chrissy's my cousin, and he said he wanted to do something nice for her, so I agreed," Vickie said. "What about you?"
"Oh, Steve’s my platonic soulmate, and Eddie said he wanted to do something nice for him," Robin said.
"Oooh! Do you think that he's choosing both of them?!" Vickie asked.
"We can hear you and you just ruined the big reveal!" Eddie shrieked.
"Yell at her again, and I'll beat you with my instrument, Munson!" Robin yelled.
"Sorry, Vickie!" Eddie rolled his eyes.
"I'm sorry, too!" Vickie exclaimed.
"It wasn't going well, anyway," Eddie sighed and leaped from the throne, standing in front of both of them. "I've completely forgotten where I was going with this."
"I did tell you to write it down," Vickie said gently.
"You did, you did," Eddie said, then focused on them. "I have something for you guys. . .it's in my pants. Hold on!"
"Yeah, I bet you do," Chrissy said and giggled with Steve.
"Okay. . .so maybe I didn't think this all the way through," Eddie said.
"Eddie! You idiot!" Robin yelled.
"You want to get some coffee and leave these guys to it?" Vickie asked.
"Oh, yeah, definitely. . .you need help getting down from there?" Robin asked.
"Please. . .," Vickie said, and then she giggled. "Are you going to let go of me any time soon?"
"Uh, yeah, right!"
". . .unless you don't want to, then I'm okay with that."
Robin and Vickie burst out the curtains, rushing towards the door. Robin's arm was secured around Vickie's waist.
"See ya, Steve, don't pregnant!" Robin exclaimed.
"You see what I'm dealing with! I can't make any promises!"
"Slut!" Robin yelled.
"Whore!" Steve yelled back.
"Oh my god!" Vickie laughed.
"It's okay. Those are the nick names we chose for each of her. We picked them out of a hat," Robin replied. "It's all with affection."
"Anyway," Eddie said as he tried to remember what was going on. "Right! Uh, I had this big speech and story, but now. .the rocks are for you. I painted them your favorite colors. I was told you didn't like to be given dead things, so. . . rocks!"
"My favorite colors. . .pink and blue," Chrissy muttered.
"Pink and yellow. . .you talked to Robin and Vickie, didn't you?" Steve asked.
"Yeah," Eddie said. "I don't know if that's weird or stalkerish. . .I've never been a boyfriend before, let alone to two people."
Chrissy surged forward and kissed him. Eddie responded eagerly, wrapping his hands around her. He really couldn't stop it. . .he was a big bad metalhead. He wasn't supposed to make sounds like this. Eddie giggled delightfully against her lips. Chrissy pulled back, beaming, wiping away her lipstick with her thumb. She stepped back and let Steve take her place. He cupped Eddie's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Eddie's knees were already shaking from Chrissy's kiss, but when Steve kissed him, they couldn't hold him up anymore. Eddie's legs gave away, and Steve wrapped his arms around his waist to support him. Steve broke the kiss, still holding Eddie.
"Are you okay?" Steve asked.
"Where am I?" Eddie asked, and then he shook his head. "Am I dead? I mean, I'm fine!"
"You swooned, Eddie," Chrissy giggled.
"I did not!" Eddie shrieked.
"You totally swooned," Steve said.
Chrissy let out another giggle and kissed Steve.
"Definitely swoonworthy," Chrissy said.
"His knees were already shaking, babe," Steve said.
"You know, I don't know what's harder to believe that I have a type or that my type actually likes me," Eddie said with a sigh.
"I don't know why it's so surprising. . .considering that I once tried to join Hellfire myself once upon a time," Steve said, tucking a hair behind Eddie's ear.
"You did?" Chrissy asked.
"Oh. . .wait, you were serious about that? I thought you were fucking with me when you asked to join," Eddie said.
"I was just a young freshman who thought the guy in charge of the club was really cute," Steve said.
"Oh fuck, I was a total asshole to you," Eddie groaned.
"I totally get why you thought that, though. People like me, like us, didn't really help matters. Hey, you changed that. It took a lot of work, but you turned things around here," Steve said.
"You could ask to join again, I might have a different answer for you this time," he said, blushing.
"Nah, I only play with Dustin, Erica, and Robin. . .it's sort of a Scoops Troops thing. It's hard to explain," Steve said.
"Right, Starcourt," Eddie said, nodding.
"I think it's okay, you know, to have different interests, I think it's only truly important how you deal with them. Going a long way to respect the differences, I think, it shows that you kind of just want to be seen as a person," Steve said. "If makes any sense."
"That makes perfect sense, big boy," Eddie said, showing his dimples. "And you two are really okay with this?"
"More than okay," Chrissy said as she wrapped her arms around the both of them.
TWO WEEKS LATER. . .
Eddie grinned as he climbed up on the table, and he looked down at everyone. He was right, everyone who had different interests. . .they just want to be seen as people. He could see them now, now that they were no longer pretending to hate them. . .they were just trying to get by just like he was.
"Announcement, ladies, gentlemen, and. . .still undecided! I would like to formally declare that I, Eddie Munson, am officially off the market!" He yelled.
There were several cheers and groans of disappointment all throughout the cafeteria. There were also plenty of people who just did not care.
"But I realized that I was gay because of you!" Connor exclaimed.
"Connor, if you would look to your left, you'll realize that there is someone better and clearly more interested than I am," Eddie grinned.
"Patrick, is that true?" Connor asked.
"It's always been you, man," Patrick said.
"I just - I never wanted to assume - ,"
Patrick pulled Connor into a kiss. Connor didn't hesitate and returned the kiss.
"AWWW!"
"This is disgusting!" Jason yelled, standing up. "You're all going to - "
Suddenly, a basketball flew past and hit Jason in the face.
"Oh, man, I really have to work on my aim," a player said.
Eddie laughed and slid back into his chair next to Chrissy.
"Eddie, man, where's your - oh, nevermind," Jeff grinned.
Steve made his way over to the table, a visitor's pass sticker on his chest. In his hand was Eddie's vest.
"Hey, Steve!" Dustin exclaimed. "I didn't leave my lunch in your car again, it's right here!"
"No, I'm here for Eddie. He left his vest in my car," Steve said. "He called and said it was urgent."
Eddie grinned and made grabby hands for the vest. Steve handed it over to him when a third chair appeared between Chrissy and Eddie. He yanked Steve down into it.
"It wasn't as quite as urgent as I made it sound," Eddie grinned.
"You tricked me," Steve said.
"So, I wanted to have lunch with my boyfriend and girlfriend," Eddie said. "Sue me."
Steve smiled and kissed Eddie on the cheek. He turned to Chrissy and gave her a kiss on the lips.
"Hi," Chrissy giggled.
"Hey! How come she gets a kiss on the lips?" Eddie scowled.
"Because she didn't trick me to get me here," Steve said.
"Worth it," Eddie grinned and slid down so he could tuck his head into the crook of Steve’s neck as Chrissy slid her legs over Steve’s.
It was crazy how things changed. One minute, he was just as scared of jocks as they were of him, but it turns out. . .not so mean and scary as Eddie thought.
#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#chrissy cunningham#eddie stranger things#eddie munson lives#steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#chrissy cunningham x eddie munson#chrissy x eddie#eddissy#hellcheer#chrissy cunningham x steve harrington#cheerscoops#chrissy cunningham x eddie munson x steve harrington#steddissy#hellcheerington#bisexual steve harrington#bisexual eddie munson#bisexual chrissy cunningham#robin buckley#lesbian robin buckley#stranger things vickie#bisexual vickie#robin & steve#platonic stobin#rovickie#stranger things au#rueleigh writes
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SJM really wrote a book where she introduced a rakish flirt with a mechanical eye and facial scars, who is clever and sarcastic and has an impeccable sense of style, is skilled in courtly matters but is also catches fish with his bare hands, is a noble but doesn't care about his title and features a tragic backstory on top of it all and she really expected me to care about that blonde guy?????
#listen it's not that I don't like Tamlin but#as soon as Lucien entered the stage I was like hyperfixation ACTIVATE#like he's just so intriguing#the whole time I was like Feyre girl Lucien is RIGHT THERE#some people just don't have taste I guess#lucien vanserra#acotar
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the whole georgie situation reminds me of every time i’ve said i’m ace to a peer. it’s always
“lmao yeah i’m ace”
“but you make sex jokes”
“yeah”
“why are you making sex jokes if your ace??”
“because they’re funny?? i can?”
“but you’re ace, don’t you think sex is gross”
“i’m not allergic to it???”
i’m so tired of infantilization of not only ace people but trans masc people and neurodivergent people, and it’s so apparent with how people treat Jon, and Martin (though you’re shift opinions on the latter one sexy martin post at a time)
add the infantilization of poc (especially asian) characters and you get why I am deathly allergic to pure, delicate, woobified Jon
#and I know that Jon doesn't have an official race but the fact that the fanon is that Jon is poc and that my hc for Jon is Filo#I automatically don't like the depiction#that's just my personal taste tho#I'm sure some people like to be babified I guess but as a Filo in a white male-dominated academic environment who also happens to be ace#I have an automatic violent reaction to being infantilized
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The BBC lady blowing my mind by pointing out the parallels between the endings of North and South and Jane Eyre (man brought low after losing his fortune, woman has gained wealth and comes to his rescue so they're now on equal footing).
She also pointed out that North and South is a continuation of issues Bronte explored in Shirley (to the point that Helstone is named after a character there), so I guess I may have to read that book one day.
#elizabeth gaskell#charlotte bronte#north and south#jane eyre#guess i may just have to give that book another chance#after my annoyance with people approaching gaskell as a lesser austen#instead of as her own writer#it's finally sunk in that maybe i need to do the same to these works#i still don't think they'll be to my taste#but maybe i could like and dislike what they are#instead of what they aren't#also i just need to say that the bbc lady restored my faith in literary criticism#reading the intros of some gaskell books lately just left me going 'shut up about gender!'#this lady talked about gender in ways that made sense#and put the stories in context for the time period and literary landscape#i didn't agree with everything but everything made sense coming from the text#instead of putting their own lens and twisting everything to fit it
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the “why do you read acotar if you hate everything about it” crowd is hilarious because apparently liking Nesta doesn’t count
#or lucien#tamlin too i guess#'why do you read if you don't like the ic f*ysand n*ssian blah blah blah'#notice how nesta is neverrr on the little lists they make#because... newsflash#there is stuff in the books we like#and y'all know that#you're just? peeved? for some reason that some people don't have the same taste as you?#i've seen some n*ssian stans say this too which is hilarious coming from them#bc some of them don't believe people could like nesta on her own or pre-acosf
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip
#it's ridiculous. this ship is... stupidly cliché. like if you know fandoms at all#you could easily guess why people would be into it. hello?? have you tried to watch tfa without your hate-on-kyle-ron goggles?#did you watch their scenes together? you don't have to like something to recognize the hints#hell. at the time i didn't really like jonerys but i realized they were going to be a thing when i read agot in 2011#like folks. it's been nearly TEN LONG YEARS. let it go. LET IT FUCKING GOOOO#and for the lucy/cooper shippers out there who think reylos are (again) delusional when they compare the two ships:#no. *you* are being delusional only because you think reylo is unsexy and uncool (which is your right to think btw. obv)#if you can't see why someone would like both of these pairings for similar reasons... idk what to say honestly#people compared it to hannigram... honestly. again i see why they would appeal to anyone who's into both ships#i really do. but... unpopular opinion (since i'm more of a clannibal fan than i could ever be of reylo):#they are more similar to reylo than will/hannibal. there i said it#i'm not talking about the writing (admittedly the quality of it was questionable). i'm talking about tropes#never mind that imo the ghoul is more akin to vader than kylo but whatever#hannibal is an unapologetic kind of villain. he's not gonna have a redemption arc and that's okay#cooper is an antivillain who used to be a good man and became a disfigured cruel bastard. a parody of himself#lucy is him. him before the bombs dropped before he discovered the person he trusted the most wanted to commit genocide#nice. moral. polite. infused with the Good Old American Values™. he's basically her dark side#all of this is very hannigram/clannibal. i'm not denying it at all#but what'll likely happen is that lucy's actions will have a positive influence on the ghoul and remind him of what it means to be a man#and that's way more reylo-like. sorry.#beauty&thebeast/villain with some hidden good in him+morally righteous heroine/enemies to lovers etc.#i mean. hello??..... having said that. i'm not so much of a reylo shipper anymore and tbh never was. i really liked it at the time#but i was never fond of the st era. my fav characters are vader and leia and revan from the old eu. just saying#*and* it's also not impossible lucy gets darker with the ghoul as her traveling companion. in fact i wouldn't dislike it at all#if done well i mean#but i would still like for people to be intellectually honest and less puerile. god knows i have my notps#but i really don't give a fuck about the shippers. good for them i guess? i have better taste lmao but that's heavily subjective#val rambles in the tags#val speaks#txt
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maybe i'm missing something here, but it always confuses me when i see things like "some autistic people are disabled by their autism and some aren't" or "not everyone sees their autism as a disability". because... autism very much is a disability?! if you're autistic, then your symptoms must be present in a way that is disabling to you in your everyday life. it's literally in the diagnostic criteria. of course the extent to and areas in which you're disabled can vary greatly depending on the individual, but disability is part of the basic definition of autism, regardless of your personal feelings on the matter.
don't get me wrong, it's still much better than "autism is only a disability because of capitalism" because at least it doesn't make sweeping generalisations that aren't even remotely accurate to the lived reality of most autistic people. but it still perpetuates incorrect assumptions under the guise of personal choice, and honestly feels like an attempt to distance autism from disability in general. being disabled is nothing to be ashamed of, and i wish people wouldn't twist the meaning of autism to remove disability from it.
(and yes, that goes for level 1/low support needs autistics as well. i would be considered level 1 (though i wasn't diagnosed that way) and i'm still disabled by my autism! not to the same extent as many other people, sure, but i'm still disabled. if i wasn't, i wouldn't be autistic.)
#autism#actually autistic#actuallyautistic#what the hell. i'll put this in the main tags#i just don't understand what personal feelings have to do with this. autism literally *is* a disability thats a fact#(okay obviously the diagnostic criteria were created by humans and humans are fallible etc.#but if we extend the definition of autism so far beyond its original meaning then would autism even be a useful term anymore?)#stuff like this always leaves a bad taste in my mouth because it reeks of internalised ableism#i dont want to tell anyone how to identify. but if youre insisting that your autism isnt a disability even though by its very definition#it is - idk ive been in a similar position in my teens and finally acknowledging that i'm disabled and that doesnt make me any less worthy#as a person has made me more compassionate towards myself and others#it just worries me how autistic people on here are trying to pass off their autism as 'just quirky' or whatever#like if you genuinely are just quirky then thats fine! but if you arent disabled by it then i'm sorry but its not autism#i guess its kinda similar to how i dont *dislike* the word neurodivergent per se. but it sure feels like at least some people are using it#so they dont have to say mentally disabled#disability is not a dirty word
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Apparently that's called the 'irresistible force paradox'
#oc f/o#f/o art#fictional other#self shipping#self insert#oc#original character#they're patient with me#also I finally draw Hadri with a different form!#I want to do more with their shape shifting but I haven't made much that turns out well#small vent in tags upcoming if you don't want to read#Feeling bad about posting but I shouldn't just give up#In some way social media isn't for me because I take things too personally#but if I'm going to meet people I have some common ground with I don't know where else I'd look#common ground with something that means something to me#I want to meet people that don't suck to talk to#And actively have things they want to talk to me about that we're both interested in#Tired of being just ears.#I'm talking about my family here not anyone on the site btw#I just wish there were people who wanted to talk in the same way I want to talk#same level of energy I guess#Sorry to vent in silly drawings but it is what it is#Fun fact if you read this far...Hadri would like Evangelion#I don't know why that came to mind today but it makes total sense#They're a deity-like person so religion is interesting and they'd be drawn in by the drama#I honestly don't know how they'd examine media since their setting is basically medieval so Hadri's never really watched anything#Maybe a play?#I'd be nice to know what Hadri would think of things I like#But my tastes are very colorful... watched Ind/go Park for example and have it stuck in my head now#Popp/ playtime and Ind/go Park seem to both be going for fnaf Portal and I am feeling something
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how are you feeling today? did you make it through unscathed?
Yeah I definitely didn't 😭 I've been hella congested all day and I definitely have a cough, but it's more bc my throat is bugging me than anything. I don't think I technically have a fever, my temp's just slightly elevated from where it normally is. It's fucking miserable bc I can't breathe through my nose and the damn thing fucking hurts, and I'm kinda uncomfortable and a little achy, but other than that I'm mostly just tired and a little hazy and generally just don't feel great, so I'm not dying like my partner was lmao. But yeah, all this to say that I'm fucking pissed at him and I literally feel like a goddamn plague rat 😭😭
#not snz#i fucking hate it here#I've sneezed a few times but not much#mainly just coughing#super sniffly tho#also i did go hang out with him just so i could bitch at him lmao#also i feel fucking disgusting and i was sad being in my room#like i don't want anyone to perceive me#like i was almost never sick when i was younger and if i was no i wasn't unless it was bad#but times have changed 😔#so no more going out and doing things while being either maybe or definitely sick 😔#thank god honestly but i still don't want people to Know#like don't fucking look at me let me rot in my hole and die alone#but i didn't wanna be alone apparently like i was very sad about the thought for some reason smh#so yeah we literally just hung out in the car#lowered the seats and had blankets and pillows and shit so it was kinda chill#and he bought food from a couple different places bc it's his fucking fault and he's trying to buy my forgiveness lmao#various soups and mac and cheeses and the general concensus was that they'd probably be good if we could taste them better 😭#some of them tho the texture was just not it like even a great taste couldn't save them imo#also there's a boba place that makes hot teas also so we went there a few times#ordered in advance masks on obviously so we were only in there for like a minute just to grab everything#like we were being as careful as we could#also he's like mostly feeling better like his fever broke apparently#he still sounds fucking gross tho lmao like his voice is shot and he still has a pretty bad cough#and now I'm like fucking whatever we both have the same gross ass fucking disease so it's fine i guess#but i still kept glaring at him as a first reaction whenever he decided to be symptomatic lmao#but i wasn't pressing myself against the window trying to escape so progress lmaoooo#anyway it was a chill day i guess like we were just hanging and making sure the other person wasn't dying lmao#I'm at home now and took a hot ass shower and my eyes hurt and I'm tired so it's probably bedtime lmao
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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get
#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering#bc i wasn't able to tell them#and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these#distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself#and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it#scares me#but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself#for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et#just every bad thing under the sun#but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn#it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little#but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe#whatever others lead me to believe#and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for#other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less#and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand#but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm#interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes#and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark#i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk#and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh#it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself#well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself#that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months#that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so#sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings#and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with#suicide tw#sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment
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sorry but i am going to be very american and selfish and navel gaze-y for a moment but this is on my mind a lot as we approach february. just... ignore me.
i'm of ukrainian heritage. i'm also completely disconnected from my heritage because my great-great/great-grandparents fully assimilated as americans.
with the exception of my great-uncle (who lives far away and i rarely see), i have no living relatives who know much about our heritage (or are willing to talk about it in any detail beyond the romanticized ~*immigrant experience*~). everything i know about our family comes from my uncle because everyone else is dead; either died elderly and comfortable in the US or likely died in the holodomor. trying to research my family is useless bc my great-grandpa changed his last name to something completely made up so he could find work when he was in his early teens. this has always been a "fun" legend in our family; the choice to disconnect. it's a story our family has always told like it was some sort of wacky hijinks and as a kid was very funny but now, in my 30s and watching a cultural genocide unfold in ukraine, it feels devastating.
there are a small handful of things my family has held onto while also losing. there's the lost recipe for my great-grandma's holubsti (a word i didn't know how to spell until recently) that my family mourns every time we get together. i used to make pysanky for easter with my parents, which was passed down from my great-great aunt. my dad inherited her pysanky dyes after she passed away and we had them for years before most of the jars broke in a move. we have one remaining unbroken pysanka from her that i think she made in the 70s. i cannot imagine having hands so steady to make those intricate designs. mine always came out looking like shit.
i've always been curious about this part of my heritage but never felt any great need to seek it out until now. it feels fake and disingenuous to be interested in learning about this part of my heritage as a result of a war. that i didn't seek it out sooner. what is wrong with me that i care now.
i'm not sure where i'm going with this. i'm not sure what or how i'm supposed to feel. what i do feel is lost and angry and sad and selfish for feeling this way.
#wasn't sure whether to just save this to my drafts bc this feels so selfish but the more i see the destruction in ukraine the more i feel...#i don't know. fury? sadness? a mix of extremely complicated emotions i can't put a name to?#i know i have no right to be so upset as someone who lives comfortably in america and isn't impacted by russia's war#but regardless of how it impacts me personally this is an existential threat to a culture and a people#it's also interesting bc ukraine as a nation didn't exist when my relatives immigrated to the US but we know enough about them#to know that they are from the region and culture that is modern day ukraine#it's sad that generations ago my family chose to assimilate and i'm not going to pretend it was a choice made in a vacuum#bc it was the result of pressure on immigrants to assimilate and become 'american'. but there was still *some* choice to it.#parts of that heritage were preserved and yes were lost over decades but it wasn't a complete destruction#no clue where i'm continuing to go with this but i'm going to start making pysanky for easter again. maybe learn to make holubtsi.#i can't replicate a recipe i've never tasted but i guess it's a start#just.... fucking ignore my bullshit.
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I don't personally enjoy death in my stories for one because I have no experience with it personally and for two because you can't torture a character anymore once they've died 😇
#and I mean like perma death not talking abt any afterlifes and the afterlife in my story is based on DnD type deals#but even harder to get to like people can't just die and come back like nothing it is a PROCESS and NOT an easy one and also#not commonly practiced because it is rare to get it right (to be more direct it HASN'T been gotten right yet it's just a theory atm)#I never talk about my story or character OCs BUT I guess here's a taste of it#anyway I don't really kill off my characters but if I do experience a death of some sort then I probably will start writing abt it#but for now my characters are relatively safe also this isn't to say I'm unwilling to write abt death I just don't feel equip to handle it#in terms of a story revolving or somewhat revolving around a grieving process of some sort of dealing with all the different feelings#I dunno that stuff so I wouldn't write it as of right now#torture on the other hand#OH a good example for how I view the whole death thing in my story is kinda like Adventure Time#like that episode with Ghost Princess like ghosts and other paranormal stuff exist and are prominent#and they do go and meet with death thru a portal but that's like the surface level afterlife you can't really hit the deeper levels#unless you are dead and no one can see that stuff unless they are dead like when Finn dies we finally see what it's all like#as for like the levels and stuff I dunno abt all that I have like a very vague concept of how that would work but it's kinda like#beyond human comprehension y'know? that's how I view it and like death is PERMANENT and it's not suppose to be messed with#or bad things happen 👻👻👻#there are even more things abt it like little exceptions to the rules but the rules still apply even still it's just like#living on borrowed time or being forced to like#well I don't wanna get too much into that tho that's like super spoilers#but man I enjoy thinking abt it
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Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...
I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)
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SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?
(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)
Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?
#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample#around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!'#or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then#the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later#HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone#if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours#of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof#people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed#that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional#except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see#it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk#And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests#are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just#chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac#ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was#too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them#quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol..#ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof#of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the#tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character#focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about#people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol...#This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough...#yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah..#Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe#that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you#entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like#''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that#in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did#do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..
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ok apparently 30 tags is the limit on tumblr and I'm putting it here because I couldn't put it in the tags
for my own curiosity, because my tragedy enjoying boggles the minds of a bunch of my irl social circle.
#poll is over but screw it i wanna rant#4 for me i think???#i don't feel like exposing my tastes too much but i usually need a good ending. or if not straight up good i need hope#like the few stories that made me unable to think about anything else for a while were all really dark#(by my standards i'm sure there's darker stuff out there)#with an ambiguous ending. but like. i prefer some closure. one book i read#it was very good and very famous but i will NOT name it here#had hopelessness as the whole point (specifically going against a system as an individual)#and it made me feel really bad for several weeks. like. i'm not mad about it. i think it was the point to make people uncomfortable#but also i kinda... need to be able to function in day to day life yknow. i can't be just thinking about amazing stories that broke me#i like angst. i'm finally in my emo phase. i want the characters to suffer but also win in the end. and if the suffering is really bad#that's probably the kind of dark fiction i enjoy. they don't even always have to win. i like it when something is basically#lost before you even start fighting#i guess it's about hope again (and having that hope crushed at the end)#but like. i still would prefer if it didn't end there and things slowly got better again#like i would say evangelion is pretty dark. but its ultimate ending was Good (I think. based on what i remember). things got Better#and then. sigh. euphoria is DEFINITELY dark and it ends just after they escape. the world isn't welcoming. they don't#have anywhere to go. but they are out and together. that's honestly one of my favorite endings ever#one of the reasons why i can't shut up about the gamd#game*#and my current favorite fanfiction has many dark elements but overall seems to be following the source material's progression#as in. things are Bad but they're not bad enough to stop trying. also it's set between two of the games#so like... no matter what happens i know how things end. which is comforting#and i guess i have to atleast mention this#kingdom hearts is light (ahahaahhahh) but also... it has a lot of fluff for sure. and i don't really like fluff for the sake of fluff#i honestly really enjoy it only in fanfics for stories where the characters don't get a break and you just want them to be happy for once#one of my guilty pleasures in fanfic is high school aus (i blame snk junior high for that)#it's stupid and the stakes are low but the characters are happy. and sometimes i need stuff like that#so like YEAH i guess i still prefer lighter stuff#but some dark stories are good. and others are good but i can't read them for my sanity's sake
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This is a dangerous sentiment for me to express, as an editor who spends most of my working life telling writers to knock it off with the 45-word sentences and the adverbs and tortured metaphors, but I do think we're living through a period of weird pragmatic puritanism in mainstream literary taste.
e.g. I keep seeing people talk about 'purple prose' when they actually mean 'the writer uses vivid and/or metaphorical descriptive language'. I've seen people who present themselves as educators offer some of the best genre writing in western canon as examples of 'purple prose' because it engages strategically in prose-poetry to evoke mood and I guess that's sheer decadence when you could instead say "it was dark and scary outside". But that's not what purple prose means. Purple means the construction of the prose itself gets in the way of conveying meaning. mid-00s horse RPers know what I'm talking about. Cerulean orbs flash'd fire as they turn'd 'pon rollforth land, yonder horizonways. <= if I had to read this when I was 12, you don't get to call Ray Bradbury's prose 'purple'.
I griped on here recently about the prepossession with fictional characters in fictional narratives behaving 'rationally' and 'realistically' as if the sole purpose of a made-up story is to convince you it could have happened. No wonder the epistolary form is having a tumblr renaissance. One million billion arguments and thought experiments about The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas that almost all evade the point of the story: that you can't wriggle out of it. The narrator is telling you how it was, is and will be, and you must confront the dissonances it evokes and digest your discomfort. 'Realistic' begins on the author's terms, that's what gives them the power to reach into your brain and fiddle about until sparks happen. You kind of have to trust the process a little bit.
This ultra-orthodox attitude to writing shares a lot of common ground with the tight, tight commodification of art in online spaces. And I mean commodification in the truest sense - the reconstruction of the thing to maximise its capacity to interface with markets. Form and function are overwhelmingly privileged over cloudy ideas like meaning, intent and possibility, because you can apply a sliding value scale to the material aspects of a work. But you can't charge extra for 'more challenging conceptual response to the milieu' in a commission drive. So that shit becomes vestigial. It isn't valued, it isn't taught, so eventually it isn't sought out. At best it's mystified as part of a given writer/artist's 'talent', but either way it grows incumbent on the individual to care enough about that kind of skill to cultivate it.
And it's risky, because unmeasurables come with the possibility of rejection or failure. Drop in too many allegorical descriptions of the rose garden and someone will decide your prose is 'purple' and unserious. A lot of online audiences seem to be terrified of being considered pretentious in their tastes. That creates a real unwillingness to step out into discursive spaces where you 🫵 are expected to develop and explore a personal relationship with each element of a work. No guard rails, no right answers. Word of god is shit to us out here. But fear of getting that kind of analysis wrong makes people hove to work that slavishly explains itself on every page. And I'm left wondering, what's the point of art that leads every single participant to the same conclusion? See Spot run. Run, Spot, run. Down the rollforth land, yonder horizonways. I just want to read more weird stuff.
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