#some people just don't have taste I guess
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scurvgirl · 23 hours ago
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Kissing Crows
I think Rook and Lucanis should kiss more. Minor spoilers for Lucanis's arc. (Rating: T) Rook is not specified other than using she/her pronouns.
There should have been a kiss after A Murder of Crows. I fix.
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Rook could have sworn there was inuendo laced within Lucanis's words when he insisted they depart from Villa Dellamorte. "I have plans." Her entire body, aching from fighting Venatori, tingled at the thought. A girl could get by on heated glances, near touches, and a near kiss only so much after all.
When the team arrived back at the Lighthouse, Lucanis insisted on changing into his off-duty attire (she refused to call a waistcoat more comfortable - comfortable was worn leather, soft fabrics, not buttons and ties). She got that - blood got stinky if not tended to quickly enough and she could only guess how hot his leathers got with all the buckles and straps and dramatic swoops.
She figured he'd find her afterwards. He did not.
So, Rook left her quiet meditation room and headed for the larder. She found him in his natural habitat - in the kitchen, brooding over a cup of coffee.
Truly.
She poked at him. He smiled, then made a vague reference to how she was important to him. Nothing outright, of course, that would be too much.
Her heart sank as he seemed content to return to sipping his coffee. Well. That was that. First Talon and he just wanted...coffee.
She turned from him, about to walk away when...no. No. This was absurd! He either wanted to be with her or he didn't and she was over these suggestions of more. She didn't want a suggestion, she needed a confirmation.
Rook turned back to him and maybe a bit of her irritation showed on her face because Lucanis raised a brow,
"Rook?"
"We have been through some tough shit together, Lucanis. I've helped you and now I need your help."
He leaned forward, immediately concerned, "What do you need of me?"
"I need you to tell me why two people who are clearly attracted to each other, who respect each other, who want to be with each other...aren't with each other. Because I've made my desire known and for a moment, in the larder, I thought you did too but..." Alright, she was running out of steam and it didn't help that his face had morphed from shock to embarrassed pain.
"I did. Do. It is complicated."
"Explain."
"Spite...it is one thing to be with me, but Spite..."
"You're worried about me fucking the demon in you?"
He coughed, blushed, recoiled in the least graceful move she had ever seen from him. It only endeared her more to him.
Before he could recover enough to respond, she was stepping forward, "I have seen you, all of you, and Spite. I have walked in your mind, felt your heart, fought beside Spite, helped Spite. He does not worry me."
"How? If I lost control while we...I cannot let that happen."
"Then we set the expectation with Spite. It's not like he can't be reasoned with. Watch."
"You cannot seriously -
"Hey, Spite. Spite!"
"Smells like beans and desire!"
"You bet it does. I want to make a deal."
"A deal?"
"Yeah. When Lucanis and I are intimate together, you let him run things in the body, full stop - no manifesting."
Spite's face twisted into disgust, "Why would I do that? I don't. Taste flesh."
"So you agree you won't manifest if I kiss Lucanis?"
"No! Too much!"
"Great. Lucanis!"
Spite receded as a very perturbed Lucanis pushed through - purple fading from warm brown.
"Rook."
"Lucanis." She was on him in a second - knees suddenly beside his thighs, hands gently cupping his face as she leaned down. He didn't turn away.
He smelled like coffee and he was so warm. His beard and mustache tickled but she didn't mind. Instead, she moved her lips over his, feeling his warmth and taking in every moment.
In the end, it was Lucanis who opened his mouth first. The kiss deepened with mutual sighs of long awaited pleasure. Her body relaxed more firmly against his while his hands ran up her back. She tasted his coffee, his heat, the slight tingle of electricity of his possession, but most importantly - she tasted him.
They broke the kiss to breathe only to find themselves liplocked into another kiss - this time with Lucanis guiding her so that her head rested with the cradle of his elbow while he plundered her mouth his his. His fingertips grazed up her jawline. Her hands sank into his long hair. And they kissed and kissed and kissed until their lips were reddened and their eyes hooded with amorous affection.
She smiled softly, trailing a finger down his jaw, "Congrats on becoming First Talon."
Laughter, pure and simple escaped him. "You are a wonder, Rook. Thank you." He kissed her again.
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karlachismylife · 1 day ago
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Soap for the character ask game plz :)
Do I really need a reason to yap about him? Nah, but I'll take it, thanks :)
If anyone else is interested, I'll be glad to talk about someone else from COD and BG3. The game itself is here if someone wants to reblog!
So. John "Soap" MacTavish.
favorite thing about them
Is "everything" a good enough answer? No? Damn. I guess I'll have to go with his passion. I can tie that to his ADHD, I can tie that to the fact that he's sunshine (and sun burns hot and flares), it doesn't matter - his emotions are bright, run hot, he's impulsive and he feels so strong. I relate to that, I also just like everything bright and flashy. His anger, his loyalty, his sense of justice, his love - they are so big and strong they cannot be contained inside his heart no matter how huge it is. This is what makes him dangerous, this is what makes him vulnerable, this is what makes him so fucking lovable to me.
least favorite thing about them
The fact that he prefers coffee over tea (source: his VA). I'm sorry, I can't stand coffee, my throat literally closes up and stops breathing if I enter some coffee-smelling space and it's not something I can control well (I tried, I swear). So the knowledge that living with Soap would involve the apartment reeking of the forbidden drink, and even worse, kissing him might taste like coffee... it's heartbreaking. I'm training that man to drink tea whether he likes it or not, coffee doesn't do anything for ADHDers anyway.
favorite line
I mean. I feel like using any of Ghoap batner here would be cheating cuz it is very much the best thing ever and also they're bouncing off each other. So I'll go with "Kids, guns and balloons. That's a new one."
It's at the start in Las Almas. I love listening to Soap in general, I love all the Scott-isms he has (even though it seems actual Scottish didn't appreciate those too much), I obviously love the funny lines he has or when he gets angry. But this one just stuck with me. Probably not because it's a Soap line, but because it's a sad line in general (and hits a little too close to home in the current situation).
But also I feel like it's kinda. The fact that I, a 22yo civilian am not actually surprised to see that "kids, guns and balloons" situation (although I am so fortunate to not be witnessing that directly), and Soap, a 26 (I think?) yo SAS Sergeant who ran off to enlist at 15-16 is. It says something about how he views the world, doesn't it? He lacks that cynicism. I've seen people say that veiwing him as a "happy go lucky" guy is incorrect, but I dunno, man. I think if someone who kills people for his job is surprised to see kids involved into crime+politics games, then he's a pretty damn optimistic lad that believes in the good in the world.
brOTP
Soap and Alejandro. There's just something so smooth, straightforward and inherently good about just two men coming to fight for what's right. Also nothing is funnier than Soap's constant cultural shock in Las Almas and Alejandro just chuckling at every silly question Johnny asks. Big brother Alejandro go go go!
OTP
Karlach x Soap for life, everything else is secondary.
nOTP
I reject the concept of nOTP, even the least likely/adhering to my tastes ships are at least interesting to explore. However, I am not a big fan of toxic relationships and such, so something like Soap x Makarov or Soap x Graves would be interesting to look at, but probably upsetting.
random headcanon
He likes the pink Orbit bubblegum, the one that comes in little stripes. His dad used to bring those at the end of the work week, sometimes unopened, sometimes with just a couple pieces left, and Soap stashed them away in his pillow case when he had the willpower not to eat them all at once. His old pillow in his childhood bedroom still smells like bubblegum.
absolutely based on my own life
unpopular opinion
I don't know what's popular to say what's unpopular. But maybe the fact that I think that Soap isn't like a total horndog 24/7? I still think he is pretty horny, more than an average person, but I also think that he's more tactile than anything and that even when he gets a random boner or just is hot and bothered, he can be satisfied with non-sexual touch. But he does not respond well to touch starvation, oh no.
song i associate with them
I am so bad at assosiating songs with characters/ships etc :( I'll be boring and repeat myself for the third time: Ren's "Loco"
youtube
favorite picture of them
That comission of him and Karlach I got, duh
But if we're talking ingame, nothing beats him being pretty and doing puppy eyes in that Milena interrogation scene. That hand reaching scene alone has me by the throat.
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Thank you for asking about him!! Love youu <3
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low-budget-korra · 23 hours ago
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My comments on Arcane s01
-Vi is the sister I wish I had, fr. And as an lesbian older sister myself, it wasn't hard for me to connect with her from the very first episode.And now that I've watched the show, I don't understand how some people blame her for wherever she did to Jinx. Yeah, Jinx was just a kid but guess what, so was Vi. Jinx lost everything? So has Vi.
"but Violet abandoned Powder" No! She was protecting her lil sister. And she just saw her sister murder their entire family, how y'all think she feels? And she was about to save Powder before she was kidnapped.
And the fact that she manages to be so soft and good besides everything she went through... Vi is THE exception.
-Powder/Jinx was just a kid and all but damn. Vi forgives it all she has done, and in the one time Vi needs her forgiveness, she's so quick to hate her for good. Did she really realize what she had done?
Well, now I see why some people compared her to Azula. The difference is that Azula never had anything like Vander or Vi, Jinx had that and still went nuts. And also, Azula never goes for the murder, not really when it was expected (like when she was betrayed by Mai and Ty Lee). While Jinx would give 2 shits about kill people for funzies.
Yes, I feel sympathy for her, just as much as I feel anger towards her. She is a complex character that's for sure. And mentally ill
And my hate for her is mostly for the way she treats Vi honestly
Anyway, there's this joke on Brazilian fandom that Jinx is homophobic and that's why she can't stand Caitlyn and can't stand seeing her with Vi, and I think it's honestly hilarious
-CaitVi is a wonderful ship. Nothing against the explicit and big gestures such as kissing and all but damn, I missed the subtlety. The minor and meaningful touches, the gazes...it reminded me so much of Korrasami
-I loved Jayce and Caitlyn's relationship. When united, gays and lesbians are strong.
And I still don't get why people keep pretending Caitlyn actions on s2(as far as I saw in the trailers) aren't justified. Her mom was murdered by the people she tried to help, if it was me, I would also raise hell upon them. Anyway, let's talk about s1 Caitlyn and she is just so adorable.
She really wanted to make a difference, to help. She got out of her bubble and got a taste of the real world, and I bet it hurt. She just wanted to help and to do what's right but she paid the high price and has all the right to me mad at s2
And from the way she flinched at Jinx during the "dinner" scene, at bet the hours she spent under Jinx mercy weren't nice
-Im sorry, I didn't care much about the hextec plot. I know it's important and it's what makes the character on the road but their inner struggles and their subplots are far better to watch.
The only interesting part of them was Jayce cuz he is such an interesting character. For the way I've seen people talk about them, I thought he was gonna be the worst but no. You can see he struggles with some decisions. He ain't bad, he just does bad decisions
-Ekko is such a G man. If something happens to him in s2, I will riot. I like how he is the exact opposite of Jinx.
Ekko also lost everything and everyone, but instead of Jinx, he turned his pain into something good, into helping others the way Vander and Benzo helped him and the other kids.
I wasn't expecting him to be friends with Heimerdinger but I love that for him
-Lets talk about something serious, Jinx was right in her anger towards the upper class but blowing things up was not the answer. Vander knew and saw things how it was, making deals is better than having innocent blood in the streets.In fact, I saw a lot of simplified comments about the politics and social aspects of Arcane and now that I've watched the show I see how damn immature and naive a lot of them are.
Do not get me wrong, we should rebel every time we need and violence is a part of that. No revolution happened without it. But we should be wise about the battles we pick.
Let's look at Caitlyn for example, she is born rich and a good person. It's naive to expect someone born with everything and disconnected with the lower class problems and needs, to all of sudden be an ally to social causes. Born rich and privileged doesn't necessarily mean you are born a bad person, just as much as born poor doesn't automatically make you a good person.
Now, do you think Caitlyn deserved to lose her mother like that? Do you think she deserves what Jinx did to her just because she was from Piltover? That's when you lose potential allies and gain strong enemiesIt's not that simple. Social problems such as class differences, poverty, violence...it's not something that you can fix that easily. Oh man, I wish it was but it ain't.
With all that said, Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn, Ekko, Vander...none of them are evil and most of their actions (if not all of them) have a solid reason behind it, but this doesn't mean they were the best thing to do.
-Fuck you Silco. He is what happens when you put a "wherever it cost" mentality, cuz sometimes the cost is high. Too high. Also, he doesn't want justice or revenge, he wants power
-The animation and sound design is a masterpiece too. And the fight choreography? Damn shit was fire
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elvhendis · 5 months ago
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SJM really wrote a book where she introduced a rakish flirt with a mechanical eye and facial scars, who is clever and sarcastic and has an impeccable sense of style, is skilled in courtly matters but is also catches fish with his bare hands, is a noble but doesn't care about his title and features a tragic backstory on top of it all and she really expected me to care about that blonde guy?????
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lonelyslutavatar · 1 year ago
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the whole georgie situation reminds me of every time i’ve said i’m ace to a peer. it’s always
“lmao yeah i’m ace”
“but you make sex jokes”
“yeah”
“why are you making sex jokes if your ace??”
“because they’re funny?? i can?”
“but you’re ace, don’t you think sex is gross”
“i’m not allergic to it???”
i’m so tired of infantilization of not only ace people but trans masc people and neurodivergent people, and it’s so apparent with how people treat Jon, and Martin (though you’re shift opinions on the latter one sexy martin post at a time)
add the infantilization of poc (especially asian) characters and you get why I am deathly allergic to pure, delicate, woobified Jon
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fictionadventurer · 9 months ago
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The BBC lady blowing my mind by pointing out the parallels between the endings of North and South and Jane Eyre (man brought low after losing his fortune, woman has gained wealth and comes to his rescue so they're now on equal footing).
She also pointed out that North and South is a continuation of issues Bronte explored in Shirley (to the point that Helstone is named after a character there), so I guess I may have to read that book one day.
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sorenwolfgang · 7 hours ago
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soren couldn't explain his true feelings on love to anything or to anyone. love was one of the most complicated things in the world. why did love mean leaving? cheating? ending up getting hurt? he pushed his feelings on love away after the first time. soren's first crush left him, moved state, and didn't get into contact with him again. she'd taken a piece of him too and it was still a piece that was missing from within. soren didn't know if he would ever find that piece again. would it always be missing? vivian's situation was different to his own. she was with somebody who had cheated. cheating was something that soren couldn't forgive from anyone. why wouldn't you just break up with somebody instead of making them feel second best to someone? insecurities came from cheating. people second guessing themselves. it was horrible. "you shouldn't go looking for red flags." people shouldn't have presented red flags. relationships were about working through things together and helping each other out. soren would make sure all the right people would be there for the pictures. everybody that could do the best tips and tricks would be there on the right day. soren trusted vivian's process and knew she would get much better shots than him. vivian explaining that his shots were probably blurry because of using his phone made sense to him. phones weren't really meant to capture something that quickly. "don't worry, i'll protect you from any flying skateboards while your under my watch." soren would give a warning to the people there to give them some space to work. nobody would be crowding vivian unless it was to catch a big action shot scene. vivian's cheeks turning pink when the bartender called them a couple made him grin. "yeah, i remember somebody saying that caramel was the right choice to make." caramel tasted good with everything or so he'd heard from a couple of his friends. soren wrapped an arm around vivian's back so he could lean towards the girl and lower his voice enough that the bartender wouldn't hear as she went through the list of caramel products the store had to offer them. "why'd they have so many choices?" soren didn't understand all the random drink names or what each drink size meant. "why can't ordering a drink be so simple?"
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looking back, vivian could see how she might’ve brushed off a lot of red flags. maybe if she hadn’t trusted her ex so easily, she’d have seen her for who she really was. but when you’re with someone, you’re supposed to trust them, right? she didn’t want to get paranoid, always thinking people would cheat or lie. “i don’t think i’m the best at spotting red flags,” she admitted, giving a shrug, clearly wanting to let it go. “probably something i need to work on.” vivian mused, shrugging her shoulders. “but hey, action shots are gonna look amazing—I think i’m good with those,” she nodded, hoping she could match soren’s high expectations. “i’ll try my best, though. if there’s anyone specific who should be in them, make sure they’re around! i don’t want anyone feeling left out.” she gave him a smile, feeling that familiar urge to do a good job. people liked her work, sure, but lately, trusting herself had been… complicated. “your phone isn’t the best for those kinds of shots, that’s why they get blurry,” she added, laughing when he joked about keeping her supervised. “oh, i definitely need someone to watch out for me—I’d get flattened for sure,” she said, a playful glint in her eye. they made their way inside, and she scanned the menu. “i took the photos for this menu,” she whispered proudly, leaning close so only he could hear. she looked over at him, remembering, “you said you wanted caramel, right? should i—" before she could finish, the bartender called them a couple, and her cheeks went pink as soren played along. she quickly cleared her throat, grinning, “so… what’s the drink with the most caramel?”
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gwandas · 4 months ago
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the “why do you read acotar if you hate everything about it” crowd is hilarious because apparently liking Nesta doesn’t count
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icewindandboringhorror · 6 months ago
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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harrowscore · 6 months ago
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why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip
#it's ridiculous. this ship is... stupidly cliché. like if you know fandoms at all#you could easily guess why people would be into it. hello?? have you tried to watch tfa without your hate-on-kyle-ron goggles?#did you watch their scenes together? you don't have to like something to recognize the hints#hell. at the time i didn't really like jonerys but i realized they were going to be a thing when i read agot in 2011#like folks. it's been nearly TEN LONG YEARS. let it go. LET IT FUCKING GOOOO#and for the lucy/cooper shippers out there who think reylos are (again) delusional when they compare the two ships:#no. *you* are being delusional only because you think reylo is unsexy and uncool (which is your right to think btw. obv)#if you can't see why someone would like both of these pairings for similar reasons... idk what to say honestly#people compared it to hannigram... honestly. again i see why they would appeal to anyone who's into both ships#i really do. but... unpopular opinion (since i'm more of a clannibal fan than i could ever be of reylo):#they are more similar to reylo than will/hannibal. there i said it#i'm not talking about the writing (admittedly the quality of it was questionable). i'm talking about tropes#never mind that imo the ghoul is more akin to vader than kylo but whatever#hannibal is an unapologetic kind of villain. he's not gonna have a redemption arc and that's okay#cooper is an antivillain who used to be a good man and became a disfigured cruel bastard. a parody of himself#lucy is him. him before the bombs dropped before he discovered the person he trusted the most wanted to commit genocide#nice. moral. polite. infused with the Good Old American Values™. he's basically her dark side#all of this is very hannigram/clannibal. i'm not denying it at all#but what'll likely happen is that lucy's actions will have a positive influence on the ghoul and remind him of what it means to be a man#and that's way more reylo-like. sorry.#beauty&thebeast/villain with some hidden good in him+morally righteous heroine/enemies to lovers etc.#i mean. hello??..... having said that. i'm not so much of a reylo shipper anymore and tbh never was. i really liked it at the time#but i was never fond of the st era. my fav characters are vader and leia and revan from the old eu. just saying#*and* it's also not impossible lucy gets darker with the ghoul as her traveling companion. in fact i wouldn't dislike it at all#if done well i mean#but i would still like for people to be intellectually honest and less puerile. god knows i have my notps#but i really don't give a fuck about the shippers. good for them i guess? i have better taste lmao but that's heavily subjective#val rambles in the tags#val speaks#txt
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metamelonisle · 3 hours ago
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(keep in mind this post is not planned out and i am largely speaking from my thoughts)
i know people like to clown on white cishet men who explain that they're right-wing because they were told they were inherently evil or cruel or only capable of destruction or manipulation by everyone around them, and people mostly interpret that as "i learned white people did bad stuff in the past and this made me hate the WOKE left" when the truth is genuinely so much more harrowing.
like. i know there are lots of queer people who are former right-wingers, and i am willing to bet that a lot of them were right-wingers because until they realized they were queer, they were actively barred from even looking into queer spaces and demonized until they wanted nothing to do with it at all. and then they, like any normal person would do, simply joined up with people that accepted them. and then they changed, and those friends weren't so accepting anymore, and then suddenly the old community that scorned them for was accepting them with open arms.
being told you're inherently evil by the people around you that otherwise claim to champion "justice" and "humanity" for practically your entire life is genuinely traumatizing. being treated like an irredeemable boogeyman by people who don't even know you simply for how you were born is traumatizing. it doesn't matter if you have some sort of societal advantage or safety net. pain and trauma is subjective and shaped by perspective and experience, and i can guarantee that that this sort of experience hurts and it hurts bad.
and the reason why i know this pain so clearly is because. well. I'VE been dehumanized for things i can't control my entire life! I KNOW what that shit is like and it's horrific! I don't care if it's satisfying to give "them" "a taste of their own medicine", stop giving that pain to people! You're only making things worse!
i dont know how to say this but even if your dehumanization isn't systemically supported it can and will still traumatize people and fuck up their sense of self and there are people who absolutely will pounce on that opportunity that you have created and you will have no control over who those people are.
i dunno how to close this but i guess the message i want you, the audience, to take away from this is to stop generalizing people as evil just because of their body or blood. you don't know these people. you don't know their lives. their stories. you don't know their values, and you cannot make that judgement based on appearance alone.
i get that you're scared. i get that we're all scared. but i swear to god, you cannot fucking do this to anyone. from a humanist stance, it's unethical to prematurely judge someone as an enemy for something they cannot change about themselves, like their lineage or face. from a pragmatic stance, you are ensuring an enemy that could have otherwise become an ally.
i dunno if this is controversial but im gonna say this as a brown trans woman. i think now is absolutely 100% not the time (not like it ever WAS the time but ESPECIALLY not now) to be generalizing men (especially white cishet men) as inherently evil or right-wing and isolating all of them on principle. i cannot possibly further emphasize how vulnerable all of us are and i understand that when people are scared we will naturally want to shift into us vs. them to try and keep ourselves protected. but in so many ways that mentality only enforces a shallow illusion of safety and all it ultimately does is push out people who otherwise would have gladly stood by you because you were too afraid of them to treat them with respect
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swordsonnet · 1 year ago
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maybe i'm missing something here, but it always confuses me when i see things like "some autistic people are disabled by their autism and some aren't" or "not everyone sees their autism as a disability". because... autism very much is a disability?! if you're autistic, then your symptoms must be present in a way that is disabling to you in your everyday life. it's literally in the diagnostic criteria. of course the extent to and areas in which you're disabled can vary greatly depending on the individual, but disability is part of the basic definition of autism, regardless of your personal feelings on the matter.
don't get me wrong, it's still much better than "autism is only a disability because of capitalism" because at least it doesn't make sweeping generalisations that aren't even remotely accurate to the lived reality of most autistic people. but it still perpetuates incorrect assumptions under the guise of personal choice, and honestly feels like an attempt to distance autism from disability in general. being disabled is nothing to be ashamed of, and i wish people wouldn't twist the meaning of autism to remove disability from it.
(and yes, that goes for level 1/low support needs autistics as well. i would be considered level 1 (though i wasn't diagnosed that way) and i'm still disabled by my autism! not to the same extent as many other people, sure, but i'm still disabled. if i wasn't, i wouldn't be autistic.)
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x-adoringvoid-x · 6 months ago
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Apparently that's called the 'irresistible force paradox'
#oc f/o#f/o art#fictional other#self shipping#self insert#oc#original character#they're patient with me#also I finally draw Hadri with a different form!#I want to do more with their shape shifting but I haven't made much that turns out well#small vent in tags upcoming if you don't want to read#Feeling bad about posting but I shouldn't just give up#In some way social media isn't for me because I take things too personally#but if I'm going to meet people I have some common ground with I don't know where else I'd look#common ground with something that means something to me#I want to meet people that don't suck to talk to#And actively have things they want to talk to me about that we're both interested in#Tired of being just ears.#I'm talking about my family here not anyone on the site btw#I just wish there were people who wanted to talk in the same way I want to talk#same level of energy I guess#Sorry to vent in silly drawings but it is what it is#Fun fact if you read this far...Hadri would like Evangelion#I don't know why that came to mind today but it makes total sense#They're a deity-like person so religion is interesting and they'd be drawn in by the drama#I honestly don't know how they'd examine media since their setting is basically medieval so Hadri's never really watched anything#Maybe a play?#I'd be nice to know what Hadri would think of things I like#But my tastes are very colorful... watched Ind/go Park for example and have it stuck in my head now#Popp/ playtime and Ind/go Park seem to both be going for fnaf Portal and I am feeling something
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nobodybetterlookatme · 29 days ago
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how are you feeling today? did you make it through unscathed?
Yeah I definitely didn't 😭 I've been hella congested all day and I definitely have a cough, but it's more bc my throat is bugging me than anything. I don't think I technically have a fever, my temp's just slightly elevated from where it normally is. It's fucking miserable bc I can't breathe through my nose and the damn thing fucking hurts, and I'm kinda uncomfortable and a little achy, but other than that I'm mostly just tired and a little hazy and generally just don't feel great, so I'm not dying like my partner was lmao. But yeah, all this to say that I'm fucking pissed at him and I literally feel like a goddamn plague rat 😭😭
#not snz#i fucking hate it here#I've sneezed a few times but not much#mainly just coughing#super sniffly tho#also i did go hang out with him just so i could bitch at him lmao#also i feel fucking disgusting and i was sad being in my room#like i don't want anyone to perceive me#like i was almost never sick when i was younger and if i was no i wasn't unless it was bad#but times have changed 😔#so no more going out and doing things while being either maybe or definitely sick 😔#thank god honestly but i still don't want people to Know#like don't fucking look at me let me rot in my hole and die alone#but i didn't wanna be alone apparently like i was very sad about the thought for some reason smh#so yeah we literally just hung out in the car#lowered the seats and had blankets and pillows and shit so it was kinda chill#and he bought food from a couple different places bc it's his fucking fault and he's trying to buy my forgiveness lmao#various soups and mac and cheeses and the general concensus was that they'd probably be good if we could taste them better 😭#some of them tho the texture was just not it like even a great taste couldn't save them imo#also there's a boba place that makes hot teas also so we went there a few times#ordered in advance masks on obviously so we were only in there for like a minute just to grab everything#like we were being as careful as we could#also he's like mostly feeling better like his fever broke apparently#he still sounds fucking gross tho lmao like his voice is shot and he still has a pretty bad cough#and now I'm like fucking whatever we both have the same gross ass fucking disease so it's fine i guess#but i still kept glaring at him as a first reaction whenever he decided to be symptomatic lmao#but i wasn't pressing myself against the window trying to escape so progress lmaoooo#anyway it was a chill day i guess like we were just hanging and making sure the other person wasn't dying lmao#I'm at home now and took a hot ass shower and my eyes hurt and I'm tired so it's probably bedtime lmao
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stellacadente · 4 months ago
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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get
#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering#bc i wasn't able to tell them#and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these#distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself#and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it#scares me#but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself#for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et#just every bad thing under the sun#but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn#it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little#but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe#whatever others lead me to believe#and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for#other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less#and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand#but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm#interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes#and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark#i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk#and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh#it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself#well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself#that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months#that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so#sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings#and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with#suicide tw#sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment
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mybrainproblems · 2 years ago
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sorry but i am going to be very american and selfish and navel gaze-y for a moment but this is on my mind a lot as we approach february. just... ignore me.
i'm of ukrainian heritage. i'm also completely disconnected from my heritage because my great-great/great-grandparents fully assimilated as americans.
with the exception of my great-uncle (who lives far away and i rarely see), i have no living relatives who know much about our heritage (or are willing to talk about it in any detail beyond the romanticized ~*immigrant experience*~). everything i know about our family comes from my uncle because everyone else is dead; either died elderly and comfortable in the US or likely died in the holodomor. trying to research my family is useless bc my great-grandpa changed his last name to something completely made up so he could find work when he was in his early teens. this has always been a "fun" legend in our family; the choice to disconnect. it's a story our family has always told like it was some sort of wacky hijinks and as a kid was very funny but now, in my 30s and watching a cultural genocide unfold in ukraine, it feels devastating.
there are a small handful of things my family has held onto while also losing. there's the lost recipe for my great-grandma's holubsti (a word i didn't know how to spell until recently) that my family mourns every time we get together. i used to make pysanky for easter with my parents, which was passed down from my great-great aunt. my dad inherited her pysanky dyes after she passed away and we had them for years before most of the jars broke in a move. we have one remaining unbroken pysanka from her that i think she made in the 70s. i cannot imagine having hands so steady to make those intricate designs. mine always came out looking like shit.
i've always been curious about this part of my heritage but never felt any great need to seek it out until now. it feels fake and disingenuous to be interested in learning about this part of my heritage as a result of a war. that i didn't seek it out sooner. what is wrong with me that i care now.
i'm not sure where i'm going with this. i'm not sure what or how i'm supposed to feel. what i do feel is lost and angry and sad and selfish for feeling this way.
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