#some old people are just low key awesome

[talisidekick]

Spouse had their second round of surgery today. We're driving home and just stopping in at a co-op to get some things they're allowed to eat. We pull into the parking lot, and the inner wheel lining for our vehicle is falling off so it kind of makes this horrid noise anytime the vehicles wheel turns.

This delightfully curious and old man approaches my driver side window and has this look of concern on his face. The one where something is going horribly wrong, and you know the person -has- to know something is wrong, but you're not sure they know -what- is wrong. So I roll down the window and say hi and he goes. "So your wheel is ... um ..." and just looks down at it and and pauses, not sure how to describe the utter evisceration the wheel has done to this kind of important guard between the road and the front electronics.

And I'm sorry, but this guy looks like he's in his 60's and every alter in my brain is screaming 'make this old man not feel terrible, say -anything- to make this man feel less worried', so what do I say with a laugh and in a tone best described by '^.^'?

"Oh, I know, I'm just too poor to fix it."

Which did not make it better! Realizing that my idiot mouth blurts out:

"We're just running it into the ground! It's okay!"

Which totally doesn't help AT ALL! This man just apologetically looks at me and goes "I'm sorry to hear that, and I suppose if you take it off, that'll only make things cost more in the long run."

So now I feel WORSE and when we part he says something in Yiddish that I only recognize because I have heard it said by a Jewish friends mom when I was growing up as a teen (it got burned into my head because it was the first -ever- time I heard that language spoken). And I used to know what to say back because that friend taught me, but it's been over a decade since and I just stared trying to remember and just awkwardly said "I forget what to say back, I'm so sorry, I hope you have a good day." And then just peaced like the socially awkward DORK I am. I may be eloquent in my writing, and sometimes very well spoken on my streams, but in my real life I am neither of those things. I'm a socially nervous idiot with a bad case of word vomit. So just in case that Jewish man is on Tumblr or somehow sees this:

Sir, thank you for your concern, and please don't let my situation bring your day down! I promise you I'm still smiling and laughing and having a good day despite it all so don't let my situation weigh on you like it seemed to. I'll make it through, and I'll be taking every opportunity to make the tough situations in my life something to smile about in any way I possibly can. Your reach out was touching! It was incredibly nice of you. It's kind of made my last two weeks a bit better given I lost my job, lost my medical coverage, have missed 3 loans payments that the government is getting real angry about, and the bottom of my only vehicle I can't afford to replace is falling off. I know that all sounds bad, but you were a delightful change of pace from it all. I hope you have great things coming your way. ♥

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! This is a sort of weird question, but I’m writing a sci fi /fantasy book with two disabled main characters:

1. Cove is twelve years old and has something along the lines of Williams syndrome (possibly that, possibly Down syndrome—still deciding). He’s mildly intellectually disabled and has low muscle tone + an unspecified heart problem (which is stable but he still gets regular checkups for it). His power is turning into a giant at will. He might have PTSD for reasons that are potentially triggering, so I won’t go into details ^^’ He really likes the ocean and spicy food, and hates people staring at him or judging him

2. Lucas is sixteen and uses a wheelchair full time due to cerebral palsy. His hands tend to shake a lot too. His power is turning into a Sphynx cat. He’s a trans guy. Idk what he would like or dislike yet tbh, but I picture him dressing in black clothes a lot

My question is this—what are some ways these characters’ powers could like interact with their disabilities? So far I have that overusing his giant power could possibly put strain on Cove’s heart. and if Lucas wants to move around independently in his cat form, he’d probably need one of those animal wheelchairs for his back legs?

Also— is there anything else I need to consider while I write this story?

I’m not trying to get you to do all the brainstorming for me btw! I hope it doesn’t seem like that ^^’ I’m just looking for other people’s thoughts and input-

Hi!

I think that the powers you gave them are very cool! Often with disabled superpowered characters there's the trope of always having the ability be fundamentally connected with their disability. Someone shapeshifting into a cat is awesome!

The concept of Cove's transformation putting pressure on his heart is very realistic (if you can say that about shapeshifting, lol)! Both Down and Williams Syndrome come with cardiac problems, so you won't need to change that if you decide to switch the exact disability. I'm thinking that maybe he could try to slowly turn giant, rather than instantaneously? I imagine that turning back to being normal-sized could also cause some issues. I'm unsure if that's a part of your story, but I think that having his family worry about him transforming because of his heart would be realistic as well. Wouldn't really classify it as infantilization because he's twelve, and I know that a lot of parents of children with DS are extremely cautious around the cardiovascular problems (not sure about Williams Syndrome here, but I think it would make sense as well)! You mentioned PTSD, and while I don't see anything wrong here from what you said, I would just urge you to not have some weird "PTSD flashback = turns giant and extremely violent" (violent being the key word here) kind of scene. (If you have PTSD yourself then feel free to do whatever you want of course). But I think that him becoming bigger when he feels threatened as a defense mechanism of sorts would make sense.

For Lucas, I think that the idea of shapeshifting from a wheelchair user to a wheelchair using cat goes incredibly hard. As for the ways that it could interact with his cerebral palsy: if he has issues with his arms then he would use the wheelchair a bit differently. In the kitty wheelchair the whole energy comes from the forelimbs, so if his hands shake then he would be much more wobbly as a cat than as a human. I'm not sure whether cerebral palsy in kitties is a thing, but you can look up cats with cerebellar hypoplasia. It's not the same thing but causes some similar symptoms! For example, the lack of balance that Lucas could have due to shaky limbs.

In my opinion your story sounds great! If you have any more questions with more specific details, feel free to send another ask :)

Sorry for the late answer! I hope this helps!

mod Sasza

[thecartoonrambler]

Why Wander is such an important character

Very long post below!

Ill be rambling about Wander over Yonder, specifically, WANDER!!

The show in itself is already amazing, the episodes are short and fun, each character is oozing with personality and fun interactions and there are always ways in which it is all connected. Further on the animation of the show and overall look is absolutely adorable!

For me personally, Wander is simply such an important character and not for few reasons.

I love that Wander's silly happy go lucky personality is so addictive. He's a happy person, who gets happy by helping others in need, even to points where he gets himself in trouble (every episode LOL) But regardless i think they are such an important character traits to have (Happiness, altruism, Optimism).

In today's depressing and violent world, where everyone just fights with each other, a character like Wander can be a sense of hope or inspiration!

Of course, many main characters have these traits as well, but i think a key difference between Wander and many other optimist protagonists lies in their EXPERIENCE IN LIFE!

These other protags are innocent, naive optimists, because they haven't experienced "the real world" yet. And while it makes sense to have characters like these (as an allegory to growing up), they get really tiring and repetitive really quickly. They also commonly showcase optimism and naivety to go hand in hand. And its why a lot if people commonly believe that "realsim" is inherently "pessimistic" (it isn't btw. Theres good and bad in life, denying theres good, is denying reality)

Its extremely refreshing to have a main character like Wander, actually be hinted at being millennias old, repeatedly converting villains to good throughout the eons, out of a sense of duty (and perhaps also Pacifist revenge for his childhood, where its hinted that his entire planet was destroyed and he was the only survivor.)

not only is this also something that one learns, the more one watches (keeping the viewer intrigued) but the fact that so much about Wander's life and past is a mystery is what makes him a fascinating character. At first glance hes just some helpful guy, and the more you learn about him, the more you more you think "who is this guy?" Not in a negative way, but in a complete curiosity. Is it possible he's as old as the universe himself? If so does he know it? Who is he? What actually happened in his past? How did he live before his hat? Was there a time he wasn't as helpful? What caused him to change? Who is he? But at the same time, the viewer doesn't NEED to know. Theres no stress to, no hurry to uncover a mystery. Its like "mystery but it's actually completely low-key". I like that. (Im the kind to get into conspiracy theories or get crazy over plot holes, so the show managing this is insane)

Traits like these, especially in contrast to their personality being so so happy, child-like, goofy, charitable, it makes for an extremely interesting and fascinating character, that one doesn't commonly see in media! Which is really awesome! Someone that's seen so much horrors, lived through civil wars, yet tries to help a skeleton get together with a butch lesbian??

Its awesome!

Other that just that alone, he's helped me out personally! He in many ways reminds me of myself as a kid, i too was altruistic, always trying to help, struggled to say no, was positive and happy go-lucky and adventurous (well, as all kids i suppose), recently rediscovering the show made me realise how much i missed those personality traits in myself. That i had hidden them away, due to people making fun of me of being "too naive" and "too childish". Eventually Making me not talk to people really, and develop really bad self esteem. Rediscovering this show, and specifically how these "childish" traits can be seen in a very positive charming light, helped me realise that being scared of "coming off wierd", "coming off as toxic positivity" will always be worse than not being positive.... At all.

Ive heard from other people too that this show has helped them through tough times, and allowed them to reconnect with more positive thought patterns. Which is why i think characters like Wander are insanely important for media!!

Too much is too depressing all the time! We can create media (ESPECIALLY ADULT MEDIA) that isnt depressed. Positivity and happiness are not a crime! And im so glad a character like Wander exists to exhibit that!

[heli-writes]

Headcanon: Katsuki with a younger, quirkless sister!reader

💥 Before it became clear that you don't have a quirk, you two were inseparable. You looked up to your older brother and hoped you'd get an awesome quirk just like him. Katsuki would often play hero with you, him being the hero who saves you from a villain.

💥 Everything changed when you found out you'll never have a quirk. Suddenly, you're not worth Katsuki's time and attention any more. He stops playing with you and starts being mean to you. Your mom brushes it off as Katsuki becoming too old for playing with his little sister.

💥 He probably says and does some pretty mean things to you around the time you're both in primary school. He's that perfect example of an older sibling being a total dick.

💥 Through middle school things cool down. Izuku becomes his new target since he's in his class and you're a few grades below him. You get some demeaning comments here and there but at least he doesn't torment you anymore. He's probably disgusted to be related to you and by ignoring you, he hopes that others don't make the connection between you two. The underlying issue probably is that he doesn't want other people to see him as weak because he's related to you.

💥 During his time at UA, you probably have no contact at all especially after he moved into the dorm. You only see each other during the holidays and then you try to avoid him. By then you're probably low-key resenting him.

💥 In contrast to Izuku, you stop idolizing your brother and see him for what he is: an arrogant bully. So whenever he's around and makes a demeaning comment, you give him a sarcastic comment in return often leading to the blonde exploding on you (behaviorwise and quirkwise). Your parents see that it's best to keep you separate.

💥 However, you wouldn't be a Bakugou, if you had no fire or spark in you. Your resentment towards your brother pushes you to prove him wrong. To prove that even if you're quirkless, you still can do great things. This is probably the reason why you choose a profession that leaves an impact on people like a doctor, lawyer or teacher.

💥 At first, Katsuki doesn't take your ambitions seriously, maybe he even thinks that they're not as impactful as being a hero. However, his opinion probably slowly changes over time. Learning that All Might is quirkless and seeing how far Izuku can go, it changes his perspective.

💥 With everything that happens at UA and the war, Katsuki learns what it truly means to be a hero. It's not all about being powerful and beating up bad guys. It's also about being encouraging and supportive towards people, especially those who may be weaker. It softens him up a bit towards you.

💥 You can see that your brother is changing but that doesn't mean you forget the past. You may be willing to forgive him but only if he takes the first step. Which he probably won't do since he's too proud.

💥 Despite everything, you're worried about him during the war and root for him through all of it. He's still your brother, plus he's fighting for the good guys.

💥 Your relationship with each other will get better when you're both adults. You're both mature now and can treat each other more civilly. Katsuki probably is very aware that he's been shitty to you in the past. He probably won't apologize to you, however. Again, he's a proud man. Maybe he shows that he's sorry and values you in other ways. Defending you or your profession in front of others, asking about your life and what you do during family dinners, etc. You appreciate his change in behavior and show him the same kind of respect.

💥 It's likely you never have a particularly close relationship to one another. You just lead two completely different lives. It's hard to connect when all that binds you is blood. You've got different hobbies, friends and ambitions. However, the resentment and bad feelings towards each other eventually will fade away and you can treat each other like family.

[cult-of-the-eye]

tma characters and whether we'd be bffs:

jon:

absolutely not.

we'd be too similar and hate each other

also he'd hate me and i'd cry

love the guy as a character but would be INSUFFERABLE to be around

i would try to fix him and then get jealous when martin does it better

martin:

i'd chat to him but it would take a while for him to open up so i'd get impatient

i'd try to trauma bond with him cause i'd sense that we have the same traumas but he'd just...refuse

so i'd just like see him as my really nice kinda boring coworker who i could be such good friends with if we ever got drunk together or something

tim:

oh yeah. we'd be BESTIES

we would yap at each other, i would be so comfortable around him, we would bond over childhood traumas and joking about them, we would bitch about jon and just generally have an awesome time

we would be insane though cause i feel like we're both shit at commitment so we would only text like once a month but the love is still there

chaotic sibling vibes

sasha:

yeah we'd be friends

she'd low key stress me out cause she's pretty and super duper smart and insanely cool and funny

so i'd say weird things out of nervousness but she'd still talk to me because of some inexplicable reason

love her :)

side characters:

gertrude - no. old white people scare me

joshua gillespie - yeah we'd have one awesome conversation and i'd spend the rest of my life trying to replicate that

father burroughs - fuck no. priests creep me out. i'd get into interesting conversations about religion with him though

daisy - hell no. girl's terrifying. she'd want nothing to do with me.

basira - also no. she'd remind me too much of my mum

melanie - HELL YEAH. DISASTER QUEERS UNITE. she'd be mean to me and i'd be self deprecating to try and get her to be my friend

gerry keay - yeah man. i'd be so intimidated and definitely say something weird but he'd laugh at me in a good natured way

Thats it :)

[sarucane]

This is an under-caffeinated OFMD rant about how awesome I think it is that Ed and Stede aren't obsessed with each other, and aren't particularly protective of each other.

I see this obsession/protectiveness narrative around a lot, and want to state up front that as far as headcanon goes you do you, but I just don't see compelling evidence for this interpretation in the show itself.

People talk about how Stede burned a whole ship of aristocrats because they made Ed sad, but Stede barely pays attention to Ed's reaction when the fire is lit. Stede's hatred of the aristocrats was rooted in how they treated him, which dug up old traumas and frustrations we see rise every time Stede faces people from his old world. And just today I saw someone say that Ned Lowe signed his own death sentence by Stede's hand when he poked Ed with the bow, and it's true that Stede's provoked to start the execution by Ned shit-talking Ed--but Stede kills Ned in spite of Ed, and he lists a bunch of reasons for killing Ned that have nothing at all to do with Ed.

Ed absolutely is sometimes protective of Stede, but it's not a universal thing. He steps in front of the firing squad in Act of Grace, but a few minutes later Chauncey's waving his sword at Stede and Ed steps back. When Ned Lowe attacks and they don't know what's happening, Ed does cover Stede, and he does swear vengeance when Ned hurts Stede--but Ed then point-blank refuses to kill Ned. In the next episode, Ed warns Stede that someone's going to try to kill him, then fucks off.

And as far as obsession goes: there are times when they hyper-focus on each other, like when Ed is thinking about leaving and Stede ignores the oranges problem, and when Ed suggests the run off to China. But there are many more moments throughout the season when the boys choose not to be in one another's company. They spend time together sometimes, and they don't sometimes, and there's nothing suggesting they're "always" obsessively thinking about each other. Often, yes, but not always.

And that "often" is where I get into why I actually love this. Ed and Stede aren't obsessed with each other because they're both fully-realized characters. They have complex motivations related to themselves and to one another, and they exist in a web of relationships, some entirely independent of their significant other. They have rich internal lives of which their romantic connection is one element. One that is extremely important, that is a sometimes overriding and often pivotal element--but still, one.

This love story is really different from just about anything else out there. So many love stories have 1 complex character and 1 love interest; have two characters who are focused only on each other. In a story like that, Ed killing himself would have been "because of Stede," not because of several factors of which Stede was one. Stede would have lost it completely when he found out the Revenge crew had murdered Ed, and again when Ed was voted off the boat. And if they were hyper-protective of each other, they would have been unable to go into battle together. This love story has space in it for two protagonists, and it feels real and honest in a way most TV love stories don't.

At the end of s2, Ed and Stede open an inn. It's not a place where Ed and Stede will be alone together, it's a place where many different people will come and go. Stede is giving up the sea for Ed, but while it's a serious sacrifice (that is very underwritten), his life isn't going to be just about Ed. They're taking steps on the paths of lives where a key pillar will be their relationship with one another, but that will have space for many other stories.

[shoku-and-awe]

I am *not* a fan of nameko mushrooms. There are a lot of difficult, acquired-taste, fermented or smelly or slimy or otherwise challenging Japanese foods that I'm good with, but these, I've never come around on. I don't like the smell (fruity, kinda rotten), I don't like the liquid they're packed in, I don't like the slime (it lingers on other foods and coats the roof of your mouth), I don't like the way they roll arond and squish and slide when you bite down. I simply am not a fan.

However! I am even more not a fan of wasting food. And I happen to be a recent recipient of a pack of nameko. So let's go! Let's make them palatable!

Step 1: My colander is my best friend. I rinse the nameko several times, under different temperatures of water, trying to see if I can get the slime off and turn them into normal mushrooms.

This is about as good as it gets. It's progress—they're no longer coated in the fucking ooze!—but we're still well far away from normal mushrooms.

(The gossipy mama at the 7-11 will later tell me that slimy food is what I need to heal my back injury. Okay! So maybe this failure is a good thing? I don't know if the slime actually helps, but I understand that it's considered to have an anti-aging effect, skincarewise, so I can see why it might help with old-person-related injuries, and anyway, I'm really enjoying okra in my shrimp and mulukhiyah leaves in my miso soup recently and that's certainly not hurting anyone! I'm still years away from being a nameko fan, though. [OR AM I?])

I chop and sauté a quarter onion, half a leek, and a couple cloves of garlic. When they're smelling good, I throw the nameko in too.

I make a batter with flour, water, salt, and a drizzle of sesame oil. If I'm doing it right, I think, I would mix the nameko straight into the batter, but for some reason, I don't. I pour it on top of them in the pan and immediately begin worrying that I've fucked up. I tear up a piece of my husband's sad-person reduced-cholesterol plastic cheese and throw it on top for insurance. Can't go wrong with cheese.

It might be starting to come together! The key is to start out low and slow so the pancake/pajeon/pizza has time to solidify and cook through. Once it's solid enough to flip unassisted, you can turn the heat up and get it crisping real nice.

I do the awesome flipping maneuver: cover the pan with a plate, then flip the whole deal over so the wet side of the pancake falls onto the plate, then sliiiiide the wet side back, facedown, into the pan to finish cooking. It's really coming together!

Would you look at that! It looks like real food!

I cut it with food scissors and find a dipping sauce. Most people would prepare some kinda soy sauce mixture, but idk; I just use chinkiang vinegar, one of the best things in the world. Which it turns out goes great with cheese!

And it's tasty! It really is. Some of the fruity, fermenty nameko flavor is still there, but between the doughy/crispy pancake, the cheese, and all the allium goodness, it's a very mild, soy saucey flavor! It's not unlike a very, very Japanese white pizza. If you'd told me a few hours ago that nameko could be this good, I wouldn't've believed you! Honestly, I still might not! Good for me.

[melvisik]

OFMD - TREASURE, LOVE, AND EDWARD

Edited - Possible trigger warnings at the bottom under the gif of Edward and MerStede by @soapbubbles511. Thanks to @agneswarda for pointing this out in the reblogging tags.

Totally joining in with this discussion about the deleted scenes (even though I'm extremely late to the party)...

Source crediting set decorator Lindsey Cantrell's insta at linds_cantrell

Absolutely, Ed is a beautiful hot mess splayed out on the ground pouring whateveritis into his gaping mouth, and we were sorely robbed of some awesome shots (no doubt due to budget/time cuts). Also, the text here somewhat vindicates the fandom's in-depth observations as to the incredible weight of Ed's unhappiness at this point.

So here it comes, because reiterating fandom analyses and interpretations is fun...

One of the key elements we see in season one is Ed's desire for the fine things he's been denied in much of his youth, things his own mother told him they could never have. Mother Teach frames it as it being a matter of providence or even nature, because that isn't who they are rather than accrediting it to unfair circumstances they were born into.

Who can blame her really? The poor woman was a victim of the unfair social class/caste system of the 18th century and she had an abusive, degrading dick for a partner.

Anyway, that fine piece of silk she gives her son is probably one of the biggest symbolic tools in TV history - Ed's fondness for fine things, his wish to be one of 'those kinds of people' (despite the odds) thinking it will make it happy, his connection to affection, his first bond with Stede Bonnet both in camaraderie...

...and in love.

And then, of course we see this...

Well then.

Long before the unhinged binge-raiding, Ed had already accrued more riches than some uppity officer can shake a fucking stick at, but he had yet to find that elusive something he'd been pursuing since childhood.

Source

Cue Stede Bonnet, a constituent of that aristocratic world Ed's been dreaming about and a sweet representation of finery and refinery.

...sorta. Really, they just pass the time so well...

Extremely well, like 'welcome to the family'...

But at the beginning of season two, what Ed came to treasure most is gone, and he can't replace it no matter how many valuables he collects. There's a void in his heart he was on a rampant quest to fill, and just when he thought he'd found someone that can occupy some of that space, he's abandoned by him.

So, afterwards (and after some other stuff) Ed jumps from raid to raid as Blackbeard 2.0, raising hellions and sending them out to play, pillage, and plunder.

But he does this without any sense of care or pleasure. Another day in the life of a pirate. Make the plan, execute the plan, make the plan, execute the plan, and again, and again, and again... so fucking boring.

He's amassed so much stuff that the crew literally has to dump it overboard, and only more is coming in because he's determined never to divert from this strict regiment, whether it's because he intends to incite Ned Lowe into coming after him or to have it serve as a distraction from the unyielding pain.

Either way, he shuts down in a sort of resignation and fully conforms to the role expected of him, because they think it's just who he is...

In the interim, during those all too frequent moments of inaction, he self-medicates with drugs and alcohol and wallows about in misery, sometimes in Stede's old cabin surrounded by riches that are ultimately worthless to his broken heart.

It's a fairly common trope - a gut-wrenching display of unhappiness whilst surround by troves of treasure.

But we see here that Ed takes it a step farther, reverting to an almost childlike state and enacting his fantasy with dolls.

And with those cut scenes, we could very well have seen how he behaves similarly with the treasure, perhaps by playing dress up with the jewelry or admiring these objects that should, by all rights, represent the vast wealth he'd once hoped to achieve.

He's surrounded by the fine things he coveted in his childhood, but now he finds none of it remotely satisfying. He's had a taste of true joy, and all this stuff just listlessly lying around pales in comparison.

Is he having fun? Nope, because this was fun...

Is he basking in the splendor? Nope, because this was splendor...

Does he recognize the value of the treasure at his fingertips? Nope, because you know where this is going...

In fact the only stolen piece that means anything to him is fiscally worthless.

That figurine is a cheap representation of something intrinsically valuable. Just like the jewels, the furs, the gold, and every lifeless item in that room, it essentially means nothing save for the memory Ed attaches to it.

Ed's life has become that dull drag of monotony just like before. On the outset, that life was probably fun for a while and perhaps did initially satisfy his thirst for wealth, acceptance and attention, but over time he basically became married to his work, 'working for Blackbeard,' an unhappy husband to piracy.

This discomfort in a married state only started to alleviate when that bizarre, cheerful lunatic showed Ed that he can absolutely escape his situation and doesn't have to let his past prevent him from moving forward.

Ed was fully willing to give it all up. Stede served as a perfect conduit for this, but falling in love with him altered Ed's aim - he no longer necessarily desires the lavish lifestyle and/or identity of Stede Bonnet, but rather something loads better...

Then we have the sharp turn-around, and Ed is in an even worse state than where he started off.

He's been there, done that, and even trying to reach for an extreme version of Blackbeard just isn't quite cutting it.

Death seems to be the only unexplored avenue left to him. It might not make him happy, but then he was never meant for happiness, was he? He's just not that kind of person. But it can, at least, just make everything stop...

And these scenes could have shown so much of that - the impotence of all the wealth available for Ed's leisure and how spending the day with someone is the better treasure. This kind of treasure later only serves as a sign of Ed's guilt at the atrocities he committed, and it's only useful in helping others throw a big bash or giving other less fortunate kiddies a better chance than he had.

It really wasn't worth all that much to Ed in the end. Just as it wasn't worth all that much to Stede Bonnet either.

The man who sees value in what's thought to be worthless, who discerns fortune in a chest of blue dirt and exquisite detailing in a pile of junk, finds his ultimate treasure.

P.S. The treasure in that scene also possibly serves as reflection of all the 'finery' attributes Ed sees in Stede, the beauty and status he'd once craved presented up in a warm jaunty melody that somehow matches Ed beat for weird beat.

P.P.S. And for the fantastical lovers - Stede's the handsome prince (mer-prince in fact) that helps this beautiful princess escape from the dragon's hoard.

Warning: This post contains implications of suicide, abuse, drug use, and alcohol abuse. These subjects are delicate and complex and I am no expert, so if any information/opinions in this post are evaluated to be erroneous, seem careless, or cause too much controversy, this post will be deleted and apologies given.

Constructive criticism is welcome.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

"It’s more than sales – it inspired an entire generation of young girls to know they had a place in heavy music." Inside Fallen: the album that turned Evanescence into instant 21st century metal superstars

No rock band had an explosive a rise in the 2000s as Evanescence. This is the story of their classic debut album

Evanescence’s Amy Lee was at one of the many awards ceremonies she attended back in the first half of the 2000s when she was approached by a fan. This wasn’t unusual in itself, except this fan happened to be rapper and mogul P. Diddy.

“He said, ‘I love your album, I listen to it when I work out’,” Amy tells Hammer today. “And I was like ‘Really? That’s awesome!’ That was surprising to me. You know who I am? That’s weird.” Weird is right. Just a couple of years earlier, Amy had been a shy, aspiring singer and songwriter who had played no more than a handful of times with the band she’d co-founded as 13-year-old almost a decade earlier. And now here she was, getting star-spotted by hip hop A-listers at swanky awards ceremonies.

“What do they call that thing? Imposter syndrome!” she recalls today. “I definitely felt like I’d snuck in the back door and somehow got to go to the Grammys. Like, ‘I’m not supposed to be here and people do not know who we are and this is a prank.’ I think part of that is just it all happening so fast and being so young.”

The reason for the attention was down to the blockbusting success of Evanescence’s debut album, Fallen. Originally released in March 2003, and about to be reissued as a deluxe 20th anniversary edition, Fallen appeared at the tail-end of the nu metal boom. It offered a gothier, more dramatic take on that sound, which bridged nu metal and both the rising symphonic metal and emo scenes. It would go on to sell more than 10 million copies in the US alone, turning Amy Lee into an icon and role model for a generation of young, female fans.

Amy describes the young, pre-Evanescence version of herself as “a little bit shy”. Earlier this year, she told Hammer’s sister magazine, Classic Rock, that the death of her younger sister, Bonnie, when Amy was six, was a catalyst for “this soul, spirit- searching, expression mode”, which would eventually manifest itself in music. She wrote her first song aged 12, and others quickly followed. “I wrote plenty of songs that were crap,” she says with a laugh. “You just haven’t heard them.”

Things became more serious when she met future Evanescence guitarist Ben Moody in 1994 at a Christian Youth Camp in Little Rock, Arkansas, where her family had moved to a few years earlier. She was 13 and Ben a year older, though the two decided they could make music together. Amy describes their initial endeavours as “more like an electronic duo, like Massive Attack” than an actual band, though some of their early songs would end up on Fallen, including Imaginary, Whisper and My Immortal.

The nascent Evanescence didn’t play a gig for nearly six years, partly because of their youth, and partly because they wanted to concentrate on honing the songs they were writing. “The live part for me at that time just wasn’t my focus,” she shrugs. “I wanted to make stuff.”

Their first release was a self-titled debut EP that came out in 1998 via local label Bigwig, followed by another EP, Sound Asleep, the following year (both featured songs that appeared on Fallen). They’d played a few a low-key acoustic shows in their early days, but their first proper, plugged-in show was at a bar named Vinos in Little Rock on January 2, 1999, less than a month after Amy turned 17.

“It was difficult to be on stage at first,” she says. “I had to really work at being a good performer. I remember the first time we played a gig and four people knew the chorus to one of our dumb little songs,” she adds, self-effacingly trailing off.

It was an early version of My Immortal that caught the attention of Diana Meltzer, head of A&R at Wind-up Records, in 2001. Amy had just enrolled in college to study music theory composition when she got the message that Wind-up were interested in Evanescence - essentially herself and Ben.

“I still wanted to make music, but I was going to study so that maybe one day I could work on film scores as a backup plan,” she says. “We got signed three months in. I had one semester of school. I literally went from graduating high school to moving to LA and making our album in a year and a half.”

Producer Dave Fortman can remember the first time he heard Amy Lee sing Bring Me To Life in the studio. The guitarist in 1990s rockers Ugly Kid Joe pivoted to production after the 1997 break-up of that band, working with the likes of Superjoint Ritual and Crowbar before signing on to produce the debut album by an unknown band from Arkansas called Evanescence. After listening to their demo, he jumped at the chance to work with them. And then came the moment when Amy began singing in the studio.

“Amy was in the booth and this voice just came out,” Dave tells Hammer. “My engineer, who has worked with some of the biggest names in music bar none, turned to me with his jaw on the floor and said, 'Goddamn! This girl can sing.’ You just forgot where you were, you weren’t working anymore, you were just in awe of her. They were the most talented people in their age I’d ever been in contact with.”

The Evanescence that recorded Fallen was Amy and Ben, plus keyboard player/string arranger/co-songwriter David Hodges (who joined the band in 1999) and an array of session musicians, including future Guns N’ Roses/Foo Fighters drummer Josh Freese. Dave Fortman estimates the album cost around $250,000 to make – a sizeable sum now, but relatively modest at a time when seven-figure budgets weren’t uncommon (Korn’s 2002 album Untouchables reportedly cost $4 million). Some of that budget went on the real-life orchestra that Amy insisted on using for many of the songs – a bold move for a new band, when an electronic recreation would have been cheaper.

“None of us were ever going to back down on that,” says Dave Fortman. “It had to be that way or it wasn’t going to work. We recorded the orchestra in Seattle where they have no union, so it was cheaper. If we’d have known it was going to smash in the way it did, hell yeah, we would have just recorded them in LA!”

Evanescence didn’t get everything their way. Bring Me To Life, which addressed Amy’s feelings of numbness while in an abusive relationship,  was augmented by the inclusion of rapper Paul McCoy in an attempt to appeal to the nu metal market - a decision that went  against the band’s wishes. “I was so scared in the beginning that we were going forward with something  that wasn’t a perfectly honest picture of who we were,” Amy told Metal Hammer earlier this year. “But it didn’t last long. After a few songs, the mainstream was able to hear more than the one song and it was like, ‘OK, they at least sort of get what we are.’”

Advance expectations for Fallen were modest when it was released on March 4, 2003. “If it had gone gold [500,000 copies], we’d have A all been delighted with that,” says Dave Fortman. As it turned out, the album smashed it, selling more than 140,000 copies in its first week of release alone and reaching No.7 in the US Billboard charts. Bring Me To Life was a huge factor in that success. Like My Immortal, the song made its first appearance on the big- budget, Ben Affleck-starring Daredevil movie, which hit cinemas a few months before Fallen came out. 

When it was released as a single in its own right, accompanied by an expensive-looking urban-gothic video that saw a nightdress- clad Amy somnambulantly climbing the side of a tower block, like a cross between a character from an Anne Rice novel and a comic book superhero, Wind-up reps had to beg radio stations to play it (“A chick with piano on a rock station?” was a common response). Those that did air it soon found their phone lines jammed with people who wanted to know what it was that they’d just heard. It entered the US Top 10 and did even better in the UK, where it reached No.1.

Bring Me To Life and subsequent singles Going Under and My Immortal put wind in Fallen’s sails. Those 140,000 sales shot upwards at a vertiginous rate: within a month, it had sold more than a million copies in the US alone. By the middle of 2004, it had reached seven million (in 2022, Fallen was awarded a diamond certificate for US sales of more than 10 million). The speed of the ascent left Amy Lee dazed. “There was just so much going on,” she says, exhaling. “I don’t know if I got to focus on it that hard at the time.” 

The label wanted to get Evanescence out on the road to capitalise on that initial success. A touring band was assembled around Amy and Ben – guitarist John LeCompt, drummer Rocky Gray and bassist Will Boyd were recruited to back them. Their rise as a live band was equally dizzying. The day Fallen was released, Evanescence headlined the 200-capacity Engine Room in Houston, Texas. Three months later, they made their first UK appearance playing the Main Stage at the inaugural Download festival, sandwiched between Stone Sour and Mudvayne. Two weeks after that, they returned to the UK to headline a sold-out show at London’s prestigious Astoria.

Inevitably, given the scale and velocity of Evanescence’s success, it didn’t take long for the backlash to kick in. Amy was the focus of much of the criticism, with the barbs ranging from the petty (one magazine questioned her goth credentials) to the outright misogynistic (she was painted as a diva with absolutely nothing to back it up other than the fact she was a woman). Evanescence themselves were perceived by some of their detractors as nothing more than a cynical marketing experiment; the phrase “Linkin Park with a girl singer” appeared a depressing number of times back then, which diminished the decade or so Amy and Ben had invested in their band and music.

“I felt a lot like people wanted to see me fail, especially in the beginning,” Amy says. “I think it’s partially that they want to see if you’re the real thing, and when you shoot up so fast and you have a lot of success really quickly, I think there’s a little bit of a human nature thing that wants to poke a hole in that. I felt on the defence, I felt misunderstood – I’ve got a badass, bitchy look on my face on the album cover, so obviously I must be some kind of bitch.”

Amy was just 21 when Fallen was released, and the criticism took a toll on her. “It was hard as a young person to feel misunderstood,” she reflects today. Things became even more complicated when Ben left acrimoniously in October 2003, just six months after the release of Fallen, with creative differences cited at the time as the reason for the split (in 2010, he admitted to trying to force the singer out of the band they had founded together).

“I felt frustrated,” says Amy. “I wanted to hide a bit in that initial aftermath. People always wanted to attach me to drama, like Ben leaving the band. All of that was trying to be made to make me look bad, like it’s my fault or, ‘Well now it’s going to suck because she didn’t actually do any of the work, obviously all the men behind her did all the writing and the creation.’ It just made me angry a lot.”

The criticism and fractured personal relationships may have been difficult to deal with, but the impact Evanescence had was undeniable. Fallen landed at a transitional time for metal. By 2003, nu metal was on a downward trajectory creatively and commercially, with scene heavyweights Korn and Limp Bizkit both releasing dud albums in the shape of Take A Look In The Mirror and Results May Vary respectively. The New Wave Of American Heavy Metal was bubbling up, but it didn’t possess the same kind of mainstream crossover potential.

Fallen was different. Nu metal may have been in its DNA, but so was goth and electronic music. It was heavy enough for metal fans but it was also dramatic and heartfelt enough to draw in the emo crowd and pop fans alike. The soaring piano ballad My Immortal, with its narrative of a grieving relative haunted by the spirit of the family member they’re mourning, and Going Under, another song detailing the feelings of hopelessness that come from suffering in an abusive relationship, were unquestionably dark, but Evanescence wrapped them up in ear-worm hooks and gothic allure, while Amy’s presence imbued them with a distinctly feminine spirit that was a world away from nu metal’s over-testosteroned aggro.

The broad-church appeal of Fallen was reflected in the range of musicians who garlanded it with praise. Over the years, it’s been cited as an inspiration by everyone from Lzzy Hale and The Pretty Reckless’s Taylor Momsen to pop star Kelly Clarkson. Björk praised Evanescence and so, more surprisingly, did Lemmy, a man not known for his love of goth-tinged ballads.

“They’re fucking excellent,” said the late Motörhead frontman when asked for his view of the band. Even more significant – and noticeable – was the devotion Evanescence, and Amy in particular, almost instantly inspired among fans, especially female ones. The look she sported in music videos, magazine photo shoots and TV interviews – goth-style corsets, black and red eye make-up - was taken up by countless rock club kids up and down the country.

But arguably the most lasting impact Fallen has had is musical. It marked a changing of the guard: not just the end of nu metal, but the beginning of the rise of symphonic metal. Bands such as Nightwish and Within Temptation released albums before Fallen, making sizable waves in mainland Europe, but Evanescence put a distinctly American spin on it, turbocharging symphonic metal’s rise on the back of Fallen’s success. Even now, Amy’s too modest to acknowledge the influence that Fallen had.

“People are always asking me that question: ‘What is it about that album that resonated with people so much?’” she says. “I don’t know. Some of it’s just out of your control. At that age and that time in my life, I don’t think I would have given myself that credit.”

Dave Fortman is far more forthright on the subject. “Did I notice it?!” he says. “How could you not?! That’s what happens when you become, not just a big band, but an icon. She truly changed things. All those symphonic bands that came in their wake? They’re all Amy’s children.”

Fallen helped turn Evanescence into one of the biggest bands of the 21st century. They beat superstar rapper 50 Cent to the award for Best New Artist at the 2004 Grammy Awards (Bring Me To Life also took the trophy for Best Hard Rock Performance). To date, the record has sold more than 17 million copies worldwide – only Adele, Eminem, Norah Jones, Lady Gaga and Linkin Park released albums that have sold more during that time.

Dave calls Fallen “a life- changing album”. He explains: “It’s more than sales – it inspired an entire generation of young girls to know they had a place in heavy music. To show they didn’t have to ever compromise.” It’s a sentiment Amy shares as she looks back at the shy 21-year-old of 2003.

“It was crazy, it was awesome,” she says. “But there was a lot for me that was going on personally, turmoil and relationships within our band. It was just this wild time where so many things that felt huge were happening at the same time. Did it change the musical landscape? I don’t know. But it inspired somebody for something good, it made them walk back from the edge, feel their self-worth in some way. I think it’s truly a gift and a blessing in my life.”

Originally printed in Metal Hammer #381

[plutosmainhoe]

☾ Aquarius Moon Tings ☽

Just some observations I have picked up along the way as a 4H Aquarius Moon that married a 12H Aquarius Moon

🚨 By no means am I an astrologer. Please take this with a grain of salt 🚨

🌙 IMO most people know that natal Aquarius Moons don't acknowledge their feelings and emotions very well; But it's much more than that. From what I have seen, they understand their emotions, they just don't process them. Aqua Moons are very good at analysing situations but it only extends to there. If a negative situation occurs, they are likely to analyse and move on and not dwell on the situation.

🌙 Relationship with their mother is strange; depending on aspects ofc. Though, looking away from aspects, I've noticed that Aqua moons tend to have an okay relationship with their mother, it is just complicated and inconsistent. They often want to seperate themselves from their mother figure yet continue a low-key relationship with them. Most rebellion forms from the connection to their Mother.

🌙 Aqua Moons have a thing for music, I swear. It is such a big part of their lives. And it's not to just enjoy the music they listen to, it is how they openly express their emotions. I can give you a song based on how I feel towards my mother, but I absolutely cannot tell you how I feel about her through my own emotions.

🌙 It is awkward talking about emotions, most Aqua moons I have met don't really have the tolerance for sympathy/empathy? i.e. I have a Cancer Venus, I am very compassionate and I have a lot of love to give, but fuck I don't want to hear about how bad your week has been, idk how to fix it for you.

🌙 Depending on their Mercury sign/aspects to mercury, an evolved Aqua Moon can definitely process and communicate their emotions effectively; they just need to evolve first. My husband, 12H Aqua Moon trine 9H Libra Mercury, is bloody awesome at discussing his emotions. I, on the other hand; 4H Aqua Moon non-aspecting 8H Gemini Mercury, am horrid at discussing and processing my emotions and tend to avoid it most of the time (bcos I'm un-evolved asf)

🌙 Adding to above ↑ Just because you have evolved doesn't mean you will magically process your emotions each time. Aqua Moons have a habit of living in their head, though they analyse and move on, they can tend to overthink.

🌙 Definitely have a 'I don't fucking care' or 'Whatever' vibe. It can be hard to connect to Aqua Moons because of this. They can be very straightforward and direct (remember, they display sympathy/empathy weirdly), I wouldn't suggest looking for emotional advise from an Aquarius Moon.

🌙 They be old souls 100%. Old movies, music, tv shows, clothing. Or they may have very different tastes in these aspects to the norm. Aquarius being eccentric, free and rebellious, it is unlikely you will find an Aqua Moon that has the same interests as society (or any Aquarius placement for that matter, my Aqua Sun dad is WILD. He is so fucking weird ilhsm)

🌙 I just want to talk about the 4H for a minute, because I haven't read much on this placement regarding an Aqua Moon. I have 4H Aquarius Moon, Uranus, SN, I/C (ofc) and 3H Aqua Neptune - all conjunct to each other (help). Let me tell you, when I say my upbringing was unconventional, it was fucking unconventional. ☾ I was always travelling, whether it was to family 30mins away or across the country; We were never really at home, always doing something (perks of having a Sagg mum ig) ☾ Traditions are very important, as well as ties to home. However, though these are important to my family, I would prefer to break from these chains (Moon conjunct Uranus) ☾ speaking on my 4H Moon/Uranus friends, how much does it suck that we have to be the ones to break ancestral generational curses? ☾ Black sheep of the family vibes - I constantly fight with my mother about the standards she sets for me and the standards she sets for my sister. (Thnx 3H Neptune conjunct 4H Moon 🖤) ☾ Definitely have a high chance of leaving home young - They seek freedom and being tied to home is not free; especially if there are harsh aspects to the Moon. Using my 4H placements, I left home at 19. ☾ Pluto aspects are super interesting when the Aqua Moon is in the 4H. Depending the aspect, natives can either face easy transformations to their emotions regarding home life/mother/emotions, or it can be super difficult. Mine is sextile Pluto; I am really good a reading emotional atmosphere changes and can pinpoint when a change is happening with my emotions internally. Harder aspects (Square, Opposition, Conjunct) will make it difficult to understand when a transformation in atmosphere/emotions is present.

🌙 Notice how Aqua Moons have a small, tight group of friends; no matter their Sun sign? I've noticed it is because the people they pick to become close friends with have something to give emotionally. We don't understand our emotions, but someone else does. You could have a Gemini/Sagittarius Sun and have a massive group of friends, but if you have an Aqua Moon alongside this, you will likely have a large group of friends, but a select few that you actually connect well with.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! ~PMH 🍃

[masterjedilenawrites]

Hello, m'lady!

If you don't mind, here are some incoherent thoughts about some of the Bois that came to my mind after reading around in your brilliant writing. You said you wouldn't mind my incoherent thoughts, so I thought I'd share them! (I'm still working on my incoherent Bad Batch thoughts, btw)

I want to hug Jesse. Like, he's hot as hell no questions asked, but I also just want to hug him. Like, a long hug. And tell him that he's loved and that he's enough and wonderful exactly as he is.

Also, I want to cook for all the clones, but these vibes are the strongest with Wrecker, and, for some reason, Hardcase and Fives.

Also, my ideal date is going to one of those public strawberry picking fields where you can just... walk around and fill your basket with strawberries, and afterwards go home and bake strawberry cake, and I'm going to drop that in this context.

Also I find it so interesting how non-commitical Rex actually is; like, who would've guessed that a guy with such a spit-death-in-the-face attitude on the battlefield would be so scared to let someone into his heart.

Also, I low-key wanna call Cody Marshall Commander, Sir and see what happens >:3

I haven't even consumed any Delta Squad material, but solely the writing on this blog made me love them all and (idk, maybe they've met in canon XD) I think Boss and Cody would get along.

And someone should tell Fixer to go tf to sleep, I'm sensing that he doesn't do that *nearly* enough.

Someone should also tell Kix that always putting others first and neglecting his own needs is not what being a good, compassionate person is about, and that he's worth it.

I could go on and on, damn, but lemme just say that your depiction of the Bois really helped shape a more 3-dimensional and rich picture of them in my head and that is awesome :)

Also thank you sm for my date set-up again, I'd 100% ask the dear commander for a second date.

I've been thinking about these gems nonstop since you dropped them in my inbox! 💙 I love getting thoughts like this so keep them coming! I don't get to talk about these wonderful clone men IRL so this is my only outlet 😅

And just so you know, I did intend to respond like a normal person and just... piggyback on your thoughts, share a few of my own, call it a day... but then my hand slipped and now I have 8 whole one-shots to share instead 😳😳

So, in honor of May the Fourth, I've got my 8 stories queued up to post throughout today (5/4), all based on what you shared here! We've got hurt/comfort, we've got silliness, we've got slice-of-life, we've even got some spice.... I had so much fun writing these and I hope you all enjoy them! 

Thanks for the inspo, friend! Wishing everyone a fantastic Star Wars day! 🌟

JESSE

Jesse definitely needs a good, solid hug every once in a while. Be prepared for his reaction, though, it'll be quite an emotional moment for him...

WRECKER (+Fives and Hardcase)

They do say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...

BLACKOUT

Why not go on this ideal date with your new beau, Blackout? 😃

REX

His fear of commitment is interesting, huh? But he does have many loved ones who will help him work through that fear...

CODY

Oh boy, you'd best be ready for a long night after a line like that...

BOSS & CODY

They're leaders with different styles, different responsibilities, different crews... and yet they're bonded together like two old men who just met in the power tools aisle...

FIXER TECH

Actually, I headcanon that Fixer is an early bird. It's more likely that someone would tell him to go back to sleep.

Tech on the other hand...

KIX

There aren't a lot of people Kix would listen to if they told him that. Thankfully you're one of them...

[anaphorica]

Ultimate Ongoing Rofan Favorites in No Particular Order

((ongoing as in unfinished. some of these are on hiatus etc))

These are titles I've enjoyed from start to finish with no inhibitions and the ones I without fail always find myself looking forward to. People who are into rofan manhwa probably already know all of these, but I still wanted to put them in one place (:

1. A Stepmother's Märchen

What is there even to say anymore. Absolutely incredible story that does so much justice to all its themes and characters and that is drawn PHENOMENALLY. If you somehow still haven't read it PLEASE do. You won't regret it. Personally I think it doesn't get better than Stepmother's Märchen in this genre.

2. I Stan the Prince

This story brings me the most joy. I would say out of all of these I Stan the Prince has the best romance, i.e. dynamic between the two leads. I can't get enough of them and watching their relationship grow so tenderly is wonderful. Catch me giggling and kicking my feet alongside Angela, the protagonist, who by the way is incredibly lovable, it's impossible not to be fond of her. The art is another thing entirely - it's so obvious how loved this story is by how alive and full of endearing little details every single panel is. It just makes me feel warm inside.

3. A Wicked Tale of Cinderella's Stepmom

Best mom award goes to Mildred, my favorite rofan protagonist. She's in her forties, she's a dignified and wise noble lady, she was fully and seriously prepared to kill a man for hurting one of her daughters. I like the male lead but I'm also bitterly jealous of him because that should've been me. This is a story about women being awesome, and not in a superficial way!

4. Catherine’s Key to a Happy Life

I can't fully articulate why, but this series makes me think about Howl's Moving Castle. None of the characters are particularly similar, but something about the atmosphere makes me enchanted in the same way. I think Catherine could be a Ghibli protagonist.

Mysterious and lovely with an intriguing storyline. Chezare is one of the most charming male leads I've seen.

5. I Raised My Fiancé with Money

This one is new, but I can already tell it's most likely going to continue being very good. I don't have too much to say. The art is lovely and so is the very endearing male lead whose journey of overcoming his insecurity and low self-esteem is the center of the story right now. This manhwa's fashion game is on another level - Ilya never fails to look immaculate, and her throwing her seemingly neverending money around never gets old.

6. The Perks of Being an S-Class Heroine

Rofan with action! It can be silly and funny at one moment and thrilling at the other. The next season is looking to be amazing, taking everything that the series' been building up and realising it, and the story is already very fun and engaging. The "tower-regressor-S-class hunter" genre of manhwa has been little by little meshing with rofan lately and I think this is the peak of how well that can be done.

7. Loveless Heroine

Thai manga!!! Now THIS is what I call a historical romance. Loveless Heroine interacts with its setting constantly and is very thoughtful about the way it represents the time period it's set in. There are also some queer themes which I absolutely love! This story feels mature and grounded, and I can't get enough of it.

8. Surviving as a Maid

This series has such a soft, melancholic feeling to it. At times it's empty, a little sordid, but it's also full of beautiful moments that you remember for a long time after reading. There's a lot of longing for many different things and I would say quite a bit of grief. Ash is a very unique and relatable protagonist with her own fears, flaws and dreams, and I like how both big and small her life is. Surviving as a Maid also feels very grounded, but in a different way from Loveless Heroine.

[cf56]

I just thought of a moment that doesn’t get talked about often: the ending of Wakko’s New Gookie. It just shows another great example of how much of an awesome big bro Yakko is towards Wakko

spoilers if you haven’t seen it: (a-word warning)

After Wakko gives up impressing people with his new Gookie, he goes up to tell Yakko that nobody likes it. Then Yakko offers some good advice saying that you don’t have to try so do anything new just for people to like you, and said that people liked his old Gookie.

It’s more along the lines of you don’t have to change yourself to get people to like you—they like you for who YOU are. It’s just one of those moments that makes Yakko really great. He’s not just this sarcastic, sharp tounged asshole (affectionate), who makes witty jokes. He also has a caring and responsible side that he isn’t afraid to show to when the chips are down.

Yes! It's one of my favorite scenes in Animaniacs, both the beginning exchange and the end. Here's both of them:

Yakko is such a supportive, affectionate big brother who gives good advice. Wakko's "What'd you say that for" is, in my opinion, his cutest line in the series. It's just a big brother and a little brother having a low key conversation. I miss seeing exchanges like this between the Warners.

Also, I like the subtle joke that Wakko goes off on this long tour of the world, meeting with various people and going on the news to get feedback on his new gookie, and yet when he returns Yakko is still sitting on the same bench at the same time of day, reading the same newspaper as when he left. And then it quickly becomes evening and night over the course of their short conversation.

[umichenginabroad]

Madrid Week 12: I got got (Morocco, part 1)

Hola a todxs! Niko back here with week 12/13/14 of studying abroad in Madrid! Don’t fear, I will not be going on any esoteric rants about time or something this time (except for the fact that I have 45 days left in Madrid, damn). Instead, I wanted to take this blog to write about the experience I had visiting northern Morocco this weekend with a tour group. Spoiler alert, it was awesome, and I’ve had a ton to reflect on. Moroccan culture is unlike any that I’ve experienced in my life (which makes sense, as I’ve only ever traveled in Europe, the Caribbean, and the Americas), and I had the pleasure of being immersed in it while simultaneously meeting new people. Since there’s so much to unpack, I decided to split this blog up into two parts, for the two legs of this trip. Let’s dive in!

Smart on the inside

This trip has definitely been a highlight of my travels thus far, and looking back, I really got the best of both worlds. I went on this trip with a tour group from a company called Smart Insiders, which helps young people in Madrid (especially those coming from abroad) find housing, get involved in community activities, and most importantly, travel. I would not recommend Smart Insiders, or any tour group for that matter, if you’re a serial planner when it comes to travel and need to fit in every item on your bucket list — or someone who prefers to wander a city, choosing what to explore based on vibes alone.

With that being said, I would highly recommend Smart Insiders — or tour group experiences in general — if you fall somewhere in between those two extremes. Traveling with a tour group means that there’s a pretty rigid schedule to every day, but if you don’t mind letting go of the reins and can just ride the flow set by the tour guides, you can have as amazing of an experience as I did (given that the tour company is good. Smart Insiders was).

A month or two back, I signed up for the trip alone. A friend had recommended it based on a trip he took to Spain’s Basque country. When I saw that they had a trip to Morocco, I immediately resolved to sign up. I had wanted to experience traveling in a tour group again after my first time in Buenos Aires (where I met Gaia, my italian friend I visited and wrote about many weeks back!), and Morocco was a bucket list travel destination for me. Given that the culture was so distinct from what I was used to, I figured that it might be nice to have the whole trip planned out for me ahead of time. 

So, I paid a reasonably low price for the group (~200 euros for 3 days of travel, tours, housing, etc), bought the plane tickets fro Air Arabia, and forgot about it until last weekend. Flash forward a month or two, and I was immediately buffeted by an arid wind as I stepped off Plane that had just landed in Tangier. Once we were through customs, I was greeted by a Moroccan man named Saied and a large congregation of around twenty familiar faces from the flight over, mostly 20-something year-old Americans with some Canadians, French, and a Belgian sprinkled into the mix (majority of which were English teachers). Smart Insiders collaborated with a Moroccan tour company to put together this trip, for which the entire itinerary had already been laid out.

We piled onto our little tour bus and started getting to know each other. As we departed towards our first destination, Asilah, I was flashed with deja vu from the bus scene on the way to Iguazu Falls, Argentina. A highlight of that trip was the people I met, and I stepped away from it with one key takeaway: people who like to travel are, almost by definition, open to new experiences. That attitude extends towards their interactions with others. Consequently, I knew that I would meet interesting people this weekend, and if not, I was assured that I could always keep myself company — especially with an entirely new landscape and culture to explore.

Both Worlds

Which two worlds was I referring to in the section above, you may ask? Solo and group traveling.

I came alone on this trip, which meant that I had no allegiances or obligations to anyone but myself and the schedule set by the tour leader. During our blocks of free time on the trip, I could choose where to go, what to do, and who to do it with — and to be honest, I spent most of my free time in Morocco wandering around by myself. Call me fascist or impatient, but I don’t really like the democracy (and associated waiting) that comes along with traveling in a large group of people — especially if they don’t know each other well. 

When I travel alone, I can do whatever I feel like, at my own pace, which was a luxury in the ultra-dense Souks in Morocco. I’ve found that my self confidence in new environments has really blossomed this semester simply because of the amount of weird cultural situations I’ve had to navigate by myself. Without this, I would have never had the confidence to break away from the group, and I’m proud of myself for getting to the point that I could do so comfortably. 

“But wait Niko,” you may ask, “Didn’t you just say last week that traveling with close friends is always better”. Why yes, my friend, I did (might I add, very conveniently, and actually not on purpose). Seeing the world with close friends gives new depth and meaning to the things we experience while traveling. 

I chose to be alone a fair amount on this trip, true. However, the majority of my time spent was with the group. Together, we went on guided tours, shared meals, spent many hours on the bus chatting (and sleeping), rode camels, and more. I can’t say for certain if I’ll meet up with anyone on this trip again in the future (shoutout Gaia again :) ), but I learned something from everyone I met (especially the two french girls on the trip! merci!) that I’ll take with me now for the rest of my life. By the time we rolled up to the airport together on Sunday, I felt that we had all really bonded. I knew almost everyone’s names, and relished in the feeling of being part of the tiny temporal community we had formed — a community which would never exist again, which made it all the more special. If you have the opportunity sometime, join a tour group and go somewhere cool for the weekend! It’s a unique adventure that I think everyone should experience at least once (and it’s soft on the bank account, too ;) ).

Hell-o Morocc-o!

So, now about Morocco itself, the focal point of the trip, which was one I’ve been looking forward to for the entire semester. As I mentioned, this trip would be my first time in Africa, and my first time experiencing a non-western culture. I certainly was not disappointed (sorry about the lame title of this section. I’m embarrassed).

Moroccan culture is a mix of Arab, Berber, African, and European cultures, but to an outsider like myself, the Islamic/Arabic influence came across most strongly. We visited Asilah, Tangier, and Chefchaouen, all of which are located in the northernmost tip of Morocco, bordering the strait of Gibraltar. Consequently, Spanish is a very common second language to Moroccans, after their native dialect of Arabic. More often than not, Moroccans would start interactions with our tour group in Spanish (and oftentimes, we would respond back to them in Spanish, too B) ). French and English are also very commonly spoken, and an impressive number of people I interacted with were fluent in all three.

We started the trip in Asilah, a small town on the west coast of Morocco’s northern tip, known for its quiet beauty and art scene. It was very calm and incredibly peaceful. One of our local tour guides, Hasan, led us on a short route through the city where we took our first look at a Moroccan city. We had lunch (freshly caught swordfish) and departed, spending the rest of the day hopping around different sites in the region: the caves of Hercules, the Cap Spartel lighthouse, and a beach on the side of the highway where we all took our turn to ride on a camel (which I wasn’t a big fan of — more info in the picture description). 

We finished at Tangier, where we checked into our hotel and departed for a group dinner at a traditional restaurant. The food was delicious, and we got a little surprise too. I finished the night drinking some mint tea and eating some flatbread at a little bar in a square. Yum.

In general, the food in Morocco was amazing. I’m a big fan of the Mediterranean/Arabic spice palate (and mint tea, although it was a little sweet to my liking), and that’s all we ate the whole weekend. One mini takeaway that I realized: I think food in America has trained my palate to desire more salt than is used in other countries. In Morocco (and Spain, Italy, at times) I often found the a bit undersalted. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this (or maybe not… nearly 90% of Americans consume sodium at levels which exceed amounts recommended by the 2015–2020 Dietary Guidelines for Americans), but it’s interesting to be aware of.

We spent the next day exploring Tangier’s Medina (historic city center). The streets were narrow, the architecture was beautiful, and the shopping was plentiful and diverse. The shopping district had a vibe that was completely distinct to any I’ve visited before, people were bustling, things were colorful, and every few steps we’d get a whiff of some heavenly spicy soapy or incense-y smell.

We visited a pharmacy (where I picked up authentic Moroccan Argan oil), a textile shop (I got an epic cotton-cashmere scarf), and various shops selling artisan goods and souvenirs (a sick black woven belt, some postcards). Shopping in Morocco has a distinct vibe for one very special reason: none of the items have set prices.

Dance battle in the souk

If you weren’t aware, if an item has no price tag in a Moroccan shop in the Souk (market area), you have to bargain/haggle to get a good price. Crudely and metaphorically, haggling is somewhat like a dance battle, with each dancer attempting to gracefully undercut the other’s bluff with their words, body language, and actions. You can’t make a starting offer that’s too low, because then you’ll risk the vendor laughing in your face (consequently relinquishing all your power). You can’t show too much interest in the product because then the vendor knows that you would be willing to pay a higher price. But you can’t show too little, or you’ll hit a stalemate and they won’t be willing to negotiate further. Maybe it’s like judo or something, using the opponent’s body weight against them, something like that.

Having watched a few youtube videos about haggling strategy on the plane ride over, I was ready to roll when I stepped into a huge artisan shop. Every action was intentional. I found a woven leather belt that I really fancied — but focused my attention towards other items until I was ready to make an offer. The vendor gave me a starting offer of 350 Dirham (Moroccan currency, ~35 euros). I countered with 100 (seems low, I know. you’re supposed to counter with ⅓ of the original price and go from there). After a good amount of back and forth (trying desperately to hide my steadily rising heartbeat and sweaty palms from showing on my face or in my voice while a few other shopkeepers and another member of the tour group watched the battle ensue), we reached a stalemate. I pulled out my ultimate trump card: I started to leave, to show that I I didn’t care that much (I totally did, this belt was sick). He called me back to make me a cheaper offer to keep me around, around 200 Dirham. I said 150, take it or leave it. Deal made. Boom. Great success, and now that belt holds a little more meaning that it would have if I had just picked it off a shelf.

My biggest fail? In a shop shelling scarves. The vendor was hyping me up, saying I must be so smart if I speak so much Arabic (I knew like 4 phrases), where am I from, what languages do you speak, etc. etc. Then I found a scarf. He offered me 100 dirham for a Pashmina scarf (which was not handmade, but beautiful nonetheless), I countered with 30. The vendor pulled out the “he’s not like other vendors” tactic, said that he prefers not to start with a crazy high price, and thus doesn’t have much room to go down. He was a really nice guy, I believed him. We settled on two scarves for 170 Dirham, and I left happy. I proceeded to walk through the Souk, seeing  scarves of the same maker hanging up at a nearby shop. I asked how much for one, he told me 80 dirham. Damn, I got got. The other guy was intentional with every action, he knew what he was doing. Well played bro. 

Haggling like this was exciting, it let me practice a skill I didn’t have, it was totally new. I felt culturally immersed, and got some cool things out of it that I’ll have as a memory. Although at times it was stressful, I kind of wish more people did business like this in the USA. It would be fun.

But simultaneously, I felt a good amount of resistance when I first started practicing the skill. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being incredibly cheap offering a third of their asking price, especially when in theory, I could have afforded it. There’s a lot of nuance with this surrounding the privilege I carry with me when I travel — more on that in the next blog. 

Overall, Tangier has a good vibe. Downtown is very modern, which is in stark contrast to the old-town artsy vibe of the Medina. We left in the late afternoon to Chefchaouen, the “Blue Pearl”, which was my favorite leg of the trip… more on that in the next blog, along with some important commentary/reflection…. Stay tuned!

As always, thanks so much for reading :). Check out the image descriptions for more details, and I’ll see y’all in the next post!! You can read it here.

Salam,

Niko Economos

Aerospace Engineering

Universidad Carlos III de Madrid

Madrid, Spain

economos@umich.edu 

[sweetswesf]

Tumblr, Fam!

It’s been a minute…but I’m here to report some amazing news. After more than a year of being unemployed, I am happy to say that God blessed me with my 1st choice role. I am blessed regardless, even if he didn’t give this to me. Believe that. Believe that you are blessed too, no matter what you’re going through.

God reminded me yet again that He follows through on His promise. It’s been MONTHS since I’ve been here, so I can’t go into detail as much as I would like. So much has happened. Now that you know that the reason for my triumph is because of the Lord, where do I go from here in breaking it all down?

Well I guess first where I left off! I last told yall about how my mom visited me in September. I lost my grandfather a few months before then, couldn’t get to the funeral because flights were canceled and none would have got me there in time, and I was steady receiving rejection after rejection. The company I am at first told me no. I was devastated, especially because I KNEW I had done well on my interview. That was probably one of the best interviews I had so I was so sad. I even received awesome feedback from the interviewers. I had done so well and finished so early, they started asking my system design questions and, to my surprise, I got a lot of them correct. I waited for 2 weeks, hoping I’d hear yes, but I didn’t. I was thinking of moving home since it was almost November and recruiting usually slows down in November. I cried. I had been a year unemployed at that time and I gave myself that deadline so that I could have a little money in my pocket in case I had to move home. But I ran the numbers in my head and realized, I wouldn’t need THAT much money if I moved home since I knew I would probably stay in all the time and just work...I knew my meals at least would be covered. I told myself to stay in it, despite it being November, because I was on God’s clock and not mine. The person that referred me to my top choice also told me to try again because the company didn’t have a cool down period like other companies. He was rejected before he was eventually told yes as well. On top of that, my grandfather left me an inheritance before he passed. Just when I thought I was going to have to move home, God came through yet again. He be showing up in the 11th hour sometimes, but the key is that he be showing up…

That, paired with prayer, and a finance course I was taking at my church encouraged me to pay my loans off. My inheritance was completely eaten up by it, and I was unemployed with no promise of employment, but I was so emotionally spent at that point, that I was like, I have nothing more, I might as well lean on faith. After doing all I had a few deaths in my family: great uncles and aunts I didn’t know too well.

Then, they found cancer on my other grandfather’s kidney. He had fought prostate cancer when I was a child, but you never know what can happen with cancer. Glory to God though, he was able to have the cancer removed and his kidney salvaged. I remember right before he went into surgery, he called and asked when I was moving back so he’d know when to clean up and make room for me. When he asked that, I felt really low. My 78 year old grandfather has had limited mobility for a while and was about to go into surgery to remove cancer from his body for the 2nd time, and here he was asking how he could help ME, so when he asked me this, I felt like I had blew it. I felt like I was in that position because I didn’t work hard enough. I had to remind myself not to feel this way because I truly did work really hard…

I spoke to so many people and had so many interviews, so many of them I did well, but still no cigar…On top of that, my old work crush, the first guy I had intercourse with, got back in touch with me to tell me HE was doing a career pivot and switching to software engineering. Despite how hurt he made me feel by kicking me to the curb after I didn’t match up to his expectations after I gave my body to him and told me this, I put on a good face and gave him the best advice on how to be successful in his career transitioning and offered to be a resource, because that’s what God would want me to do…

Someone posted a link to enter to get free AfroTech tickets. AfroTech is a conference for Black techies of all kinds. I entered and was granted it. I didn’t know if it was smart to pay for a flight, hotel, and all the festivities, and I was terrified of taking a week break because I know it can be hard to find my momentum again, but I heard God say, GO! I was even afraid of introducing myself to so many new people as unemployed. But I felt God telling me, “Your job doesn’t make you, I DO!”So I went. And I had so much fun. Because I got that free ticket, I became aware of opportunity to submit my resume to their resume inventory. This exposed me to the companies that were looking to recruit and interview. I was contacted by so many companies and went on so many interviews. A lot of people didn’t care that I was laid off, because many others were too. I was afraid to get braids for the conference because I was afraid of how I would look in front of employers. Tech is for the freaks and nerds and they created “come as you are” corporate culture, but after being let go, I was so insecure and started to believe those rules didn’t apply to me. I did anyway and met a new braider. She was a single mother of 4 kids from Michigan. She told me about how she moved her kids in her car across the country to California even without a job. She eventually got one and is doing okay, even with one of her children being deaf. I told her about my situation and she said that I needed to be more proactive and tell recruiters that I had an offer but before accepting, I was open to seeing what they would offer me…

I got a lot of male attention with my braids and not to mention felt really confident. I partial fasted before because I knew there would be a lot of temptation and I wanted to remain focused and not block my blessing, and I looked and felt amazing from the fast. I saw a lot of people I hadn’t in a while. Met a lot of people I still talk to today. Made some friends. A man paid for my meal because he said he enjoyed talking to me. So much free swag. Austin was beautiful. I got to chat with Matt Barnes and tell him I appreciated that he stood up for his kids and name against Derek Fisher, and I got a hug from Stephen Jackson. I saw the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen 😅. But I’m still single y’all…

I even ran into that dude I mentioned I had sex with. The old work crush. Really not old, because I still think about him daily. Even though I don’t want to be with him. Even though I know I will have much more. He still takes up a lot of my thoughts. Anyway…he tried to come to my hotel room while at the conference for sex, and I was prepared to just stay silent on the phone when he was being sexually suggestive. He got the picture and hung up…Although my flesh was calling, I didn’t want NOTHING to block my blessing. I haven’t even watched porn in over a year! When I got unemployed, I vowed to clean up my act to stay in the right mindset to accept this blessing. I’m happy to say, I still haven’t watched porn, even after receiving what I prayed for, because I know God’s got something greater for me…

Everytime I watched porn, I would stay up really late and although it was very stimulating in the hour or two that I would watch it, I feel horrible, ashamed, and gross the next day. Also lonely. It doesn’t replace real intimacy. I don’t believe marriage is far away for me. I can wait…

When I returned from the conference, I had felt really low. Time was ticking I felt and no companies from the conference that I wanted to set me up for interviews were. It felt like the beginning of the end or that I may have to accept a role from a company I didn’t want to be at. But one thing I did do was try my hardest to appreciate whatever God gave me. I got so fervent in my prayers. One day, after crying for hours, I hopped into my Bible. I was searching to match what I believed to be true to God’s word after Googling, “how do you hear God’s word.” I was VERY unsure of what God wanted me to do. Did he want me to accept these companies I didn’t really want to be at? I asked my pastor about it and she said that I’ll know it’s God’s blessing if it excites me. He wants me to be happy. I kept also remembering, “I don’t believe He brought me this far to leave me…”. He had given me everything I had wanted or better thus far, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to accept something that I didn’t want but what was good for me…

I had such a fire that night searching His word. I watched HOURS of Devon Franklin’s sermons just to hear what God was saying to me. I had never searched that hard before. I remembered what my hair braided said about going hard for what I want. On the thought of that, I reached back out on LinkedIn to a recruiter of my first choice company that rejected me after I gave an amazing interview. I told her I had a few offers (I truly felt like I was going to have some even though I didn’t) but really wanted to work at her company, and she said, “We’d love to have you! Another recruiter will be in touch.”…and just like that, I was back in the funnel…I had my second chance I was praying for.

Later that day, my first offer after being unemployed came from a company I spoke to at that conference that reached out right before the conference after they found my resume I submitted in the portal for the conference. An insurance company. One interviewer asked me, “What’s the real reason you’re unemployed?! Tell me the truth. None of the offers have been what you want?” He didn’t believe that I truly hadn’t been given an offer yet, so I didn’t fight him. I agreed…and it led to my first offer…

Even before I got the offer, remember I told the recruiter from my first choice company that I had one? I felt bad lying, but I’m glad it wasn’t a real lie, because hours after I said that, I got the call from the insurance company extending me the offer…That’s God…

Now I didn’t want to work there, but I accepted for security because I still wanted to go for my top choice…

After getting that one, almost every company I was in conversations with pushed me further through their pipelines. Soon, I was getting and passing interviews all of a sudden. Yes, I was better, but having an offer DEFINITELY changed companies’ willingness to bet on me.

I KNEW I did well on my first round of interviews because they accepted it for this new role I was up for and put me straight to onsite. I did my interviews and did really well. It wasn’t nearly the hardest onsite I had had thus far, so thank God I was able to really rock it.

They made me wait a whole week and a half to hear back! My interviews were the week before Thanksgiving, and I didn’t even want to go home because I wanted to prepare for my next interviews in case my top choice rejected me again, but I told myself a break would be good and wouldn’t cripple me. In fact it would probably refresh me and allow me to be better prepared for upcoming one, so I went home. And waited. I didn’t tell anyone anything. I didn’t want nothing blocking my blessing. When I returned home after Thanksgiving, I got the call that I was being extended the offer.

Glory to God.

[dreamii-yume]

Hey yume, glad that chapter 6 was already up! (That 26,000 words thooo)

Anywaysss neru was such a sly foxxxxx (⁠=⁠｀⁠ェ⁠´⁠=⁠) bro didn't even try to hide his words or anything and just went into it 💀

He's such a sadist as well (tho I get the feeling that he was a little kinder(?) Than kaede in my HUMBLE opinion) like I dunnoooo maybe I'm just delusional

And Reina is getting a lil freaky too (like getting a lil masochist as mentioned by Neru) can't blame her tho it's probably a way to cope with the pain ಠ⁠ ⁠೧⁠ ⁠ಠ

I also remembered some of the scenes from the hentai (in Nemu's scene) where she's like getting beat the shit outta her face 💀 I'm glad you didn't follow that (I'm all for the rough and spanking but punching is a no no for me)

I'm a little confused about the last line (⁠´⁠(⁠ｪ⁠)⁠｀)? Like what does Neru mean?

My lil brain also remembered some scenes from the hentai where there's like a cult there? Like I vividly remember there's people wearing dark cloak and shot, also Rin was like their leader and some shit (can't remember cuz I skipped those scenes to only look at the echi scenes LMAO)

Ps. Also the otome ASMR u recommended to me was awesome (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡ but finding the audio was low-key hard lol. Of course after searching the deep dark web I managed to find the audio (⁠ ͝⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ͡⁠°⁠)⁠ᕤ

The translation was easy to find lmao and I listened to the tracks but I couldn't really finished it because I'm a lil choosy about my ASMR kdkdkdndkkejd (and I'm still a lil busy huhu I'll finish it when I have free time, f u college)

I mean it's a good audio but because it's a lil old in the otome genre I find it hard to listen to, because the guy keeps dumping info after info to the listeners when it's not necessary at all ಠ⁠∀⁠ಠ like we be eating breakfast and suddenly he be like, "yeah, ur the reason why I changed ಠ⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ⁠ಠ" then proceeds to tell me his life story

Like broski, you could've told me when it's an emotional scene but nuh uh he was like lemme tell you in our breakfast table ಠ⁠‿⁠ಠ

But that's the only con that I have, the voice is still scrumptious (THE ECCHI SCENE DURING THE FIRST TRACK WAS HNGHHH LOVE IT)

It's an old asmr so I kinda gave it a pass for the writing (I noticed how the pacing and info dumping was really not that good on old asmr) and yes, I listen to A LOT of ASMRs, so I have heard some godly and the not so good otome audios (but I still listen to them cuz beggar can't be choosers)

(God pls forgive me for my sins, but otome ASMR is my religion)

I have a lot of otome asmr recommendations but this is getting long (and I dunno if u want some recommendations, but if you wanna hear it lemme know!)

-euphoria anon

LOL I think part of the reason why Neru seems “kinder” than Kaede during his turn is because his rule stated that he had to be “rough” but doesn’t necessarily mean “non-consensual” so Neru wanted to do everything in his power to give Reina some sort of pleasure haha (Though, it still end up extremely non-con lol) Wherein, Kaede had to be rough and less kind against his will in order to clear the game 🧎‍♀️ Oh the irony

…Maybe there’s some correlation to that on why he said what he said at the end there. Who knows~? You’re my judge here ♥︎

I’m not really a fan of the anime in general, so I don’t remember what scenes there are 🧎‍♀️ I’m relying mostly on the game for future scenes lol I agree so much with the punching, it’s not sexy—That’s just domestic violence?? And I will never include that in a sex scene 😭 …But there is a scene similar to that in the future, so I’m just giving out a warning in advance, but I think it’s relevant to the plot, I swear 😭 It’s not going to be like a sadist-masochist thing ☠️

Oh, and Rinne’s route in the game was just mind-fuckery—Don’t even worry about it, Darling ☠️

I’m glad you enjoyed the recommendation! I really agree with the info lore dumping ☠️ But I guess I can’t blame them too much about it, because it’s an audio drama lol What else can you do but you know…ｔａｌｋ？ LMAO Oh, and it has a sequel too!

Don’t be shy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Lay out that recommendation list, Darling ♥︎ We’re all degenerate friends here 💅✨