#some of this might not be infantilization

[bubblegumgothglados]

We've been mutuals for quite some time and I've always respected your opinions on bdsm and in general, they're tend to be well written and thoughtful. So I'm going to very generously assume this is written in good faith and respond in kind.

1. I should have put a disclaimer talking about consent and communication being mandatory. Kinda thought I didn't have to? Kinda thought it was known that we don't do bdsm without communications and consent? I didn't put a consent warning on my fingernail pulling guide so why should I have to here? I've written about consent dozens of other places, should I put a disclaimer on every post? Or better yet between every paragraph? Between every word??? (I'm being shitty here and I know it, I probably should have written a short paragraph on consent and communication at the start of this post because things like this tend to leave the circle of people who know me and therefore know I'm a huge advocate for ethical kink)

2. Infantilization. Yeah my bad, I can totally see how it could be read that way and how that could make people uncomfortable. I've been a parent for that 12 years and a CG too so in relating things to my own experiences I can often be condescending and belittling. Any reminder to be mindful of that is appreciated.

3. They might not want to loose or they might seek situations where you both loose. Totally valid point, absolute miss on my behalf for not mentioning that and possibly over simplifying. Thank you

4. Me: describes a category of submissive. You: "yeah but what about {describes someone who doesn't fit into that category}". Sorry how is this a useful addition? What were you trying to say here? What, actually, was your point? Let me make this real clear; anyone who enjoys being bratty, not as a means to an end but in and of itself, is a type 3 by my definition. And like, if you don't think these are useful delineations then don't use them? But what I've found in my almost decade and a half of being a domme is that most submissives just want to obey and be good, and a reasonable portion of them have learnt one way or another that they can only get what they want by being bratty. But they're not actually enjoying it they're enjoying what it gets them and they'd be much happier if they could get what they want without having to be a brat. That's why I find it useful to look at their motives and figure out exactly why they are doing what they're doing. Which seems like a pretty harmless and easy to understand point. I could absolutely have written several paragraphs about the wide array of ways brats want to play or the emotions they want to play with, I didn't feel that was within the scope of what I wanted to say in this post.

5. "If either you or your dom don't like the game you're playing, change the game into something you both like". Couldn't agree more. Does not contradict my advice "if your brat is winning change the game" which maybe I need to elaborate on? What I'm trying to say here is it's easy to get caught "fighting" (in quotation marks because this is all consensual fun and games) on one axis, but you don't have to "fight" on the axis they're challenging you on, you can flip the script and verbally flank them "hitting" them where you know it'll have an effect.

As a final note I really do enjoy brats and brattiness, I enjoy struggling and fighting, I'd only want to help someone change for their own good in ways they want to change not against their will.

OK so brats

They're actually really easy to control once you understand their motivation. And generally I split them up into three groups.

1. Attachment issues. Brats in this category need constant reassurance that you love them but often can't communicate that to you. So they seek this reassurance by breaking rules to test if you care about them enough to put them in their place. It's not a game and it should be taken seriously. If you're consistent with your rules they will eventually learn that they are loved and will stop intentionally breaking rules. If you've ever parented a 2-4yo you know what I mean.

2. Masochists. These brats, some way or another, have learnt that the best way to get their dom to hurt them is by acting out. You can control these brats by: a) internalising that punishments aren't good tools for training. b) using pain as a reward. c) reassuring them that there's nothing wrong with wanting pain and rewarding them when they use their words.

3. Fucking Brats. These brats just enjoy fighting, they want you to fight back and they want to loose. You can control these brats by refusing to engage or by communicating to them that this is not the time and you don't want to fight right now. You can train the brat out of them by using disappointment but honestly if you don't also enjoy the fight then you probably shouldn't be playing with this type of brat.

Secret 4th option. Obedient submissives who just like to banter and have been labeled brats by people who have never experienced an actual brat.

And remember; if your brat is winning then change the game

[cripplecharacters]

This might be redundant because it is about my own disability, but I’m on the autism spectrum with moderate needs and I am a part-time AAC user. I wanted to represent myself in a character, but I was recently told that my depiction of this character was infantilizing, which hurt because they were based off of me. Would it be okay to get some of my points reviewed, just so I can check if I screwed it up as badly as other people thought I did?

-This character still lives with their father as a caretaker, and while they love and trust him, they have some resentment for how overprotective he can be, since he still sees them as his baby. -They’re more comfortable verbally communicating with people they know and trust, or when talking to themself about their special interest. The rest of the time, they use an AAC tablet which was slightly modified in terms of aesthetic to fit the worldbuilding of my story, but retains all the general functions of a modern AAC application. -This character has several meltdowns over the course of the story. In one of them, they lash out at someone they love and run away, and in another, they completely lose the ability to communicate. These meltdowns are inspired by the way I’ve felt when overstimulated, but they’re also there to drive the plot. Because of this, one of them puts them in serious danger. -This character exists in a psychological horror setting, so they actually spend most of the story in legitimate danger, alongside characters of other neurotypes. -They’re very blunt and straightforward, and usually say things with no regard for if they’d sound mean or not, because they aren’t moderating their own tone of voice if they’re speaking out loud. -They’re technically a minor antagonist, since nobody knows who’s side they’re on for most of the book.

I don’t see anything that wrong with my character, but I just wanted to make sure there were no huge issues that I somehow missed. I don’t want to be “bad representation” myself, you know?

Hi asker,

I do not see anything wrong with your character, and especially so because you are basing it off of yourself.

You, and your needs, are not bad representation. End sentence.

Nothing here is jumping out as being infantilizing. I think something that happens is people can confuse "having more significant support needs and/or more obvious signs of disability" with actual infantilization, which is treating people like they are children who cannot make decisions for themselves.

Having an autistic character live with their parent isn't infantilization, having them use AAC or have meltdowns isn't either. Having a caretaker isn't infantilization. Not even the father being overprotective is necessarily infantilization – how many overprotective parents of abled and disabled kids alike exist? (A lot.)

You know already because you based this character off of you, but more people need to remember that these are just things that people can do or need. None of those by themselves are infantilization!

Autism is a spectrum. This spectrum includes people who can't do things that abled people can do easily, and people who can't do things that other disabled and even other autistic people can do easily. Some can do these things with help. Some can't at all. Showing this is not infantilization.

A person (or character)'s disability disabling them is not infantilization.

There's nothing wrong with your character, asker. No one's needs are "bad representation," and my heart goes out to you that you were made to feel that way. That is deeply unfair to you.

Hope this helps,

mod sparrow

[oidingus]

(unsolicited feedback re: disability, feel free to ignore /gen) you’ve made some really charming animations but i unfollowed around the time of the bloody one because of how often you make Viktor collapse and separate him from his mobility aid made me uncomfortable as a disabled person. coming across your recent tender animation reminded me of this discomfort and thought i’d idk let you know in good faith in case it’s helpful. for context, my disability makes me esp. prone to falls but they’re almost never a surprise and i’ve lived with it so long it almost never happens because even when i’m not taking care of myself as well as i should, adjusting my behavior to prevent them is a crucial part of symptom management and just like getting shit done. i know Viktor’s a fictional character but to me it feels infantilizing. i also see it so much in fics (despite it never happening in the show, certainly not under normal circumstances as an adult) that it gets a little frustrating. like Viktor, my condition is also getting progressively worse but you generally get better at managing it with age. certainly being on your deathbeds could contribute to worsening symptoms but when you’ve been doing it your whole life you’ll literally be in a condition that would send others to the ER, faceplant, then be right back at it ASAP—no blink, no acknowledgement besides maybe needing to get shit back in place/occasionally take a breather. obviously idk your background—maybe you’re disabled too and you’re pulling from your own experiences—but just in case not i wanted to share as honest, well-intentioned food for thought, esp. b/c ableism is the default and so incredibly baked into (esp. US) culture that even many otherwise very progressive people literally hold views closer to eugenicists than those guided by equity/disability justice. oh and re: canes admittedly there are days i might not use it to go a couple steps in my own house but others attention/concern (even from people you love) can be tiring, so unless it’s very early in their partnership when Viktor is more stable/sucking it up more because he still believes he can overcome prejudice by projecting a good enough image, Viktor ain’t going anywhere without that cane/crutch. frankly he needs a powered wheelchair BUT ANYWAY if you chose to read all the way through i genuinely appreciate your time and hope it’s helpful food for thought.

That was actually very helpful and thank you so much for taking the time to write it! Yes i focus mostly on the earlier years of their knowing each other, but still. And to anyone reading it: I would really appreciate any insights on how to approach Vik's disability better, feel free to dm me if you can help me with the factchecking

[illuminetic]

Some thoughts about Mel King, Kingdon, autism, and sexuality under the cut.

So I can't help but get a little peeved by this because it's personal for me — as an autistic woman who loves sex yet often gets infantilized by people who know me in real life because I'm supposedly so 'cute' and 'pure' — but GOD. I cannot stand when I see comments from people about Mel King being so 'sibling coded' with Langdon. And the thing is, I understand not everyone will ship them, and that's not a problem at all. I have a life outside of the internet so I don't really care in that deep a way lol. And I don't even entirely blame people who say they're like siblings, because Patrick Ball DID said he felt that way about Taylor and that was how he kind of conceptualized the Mel/Langdon relationship to begin with. But at the same time, I just feel like a lot of the 'omg they're so siblings!' chat is based in the belief that Mel can't be sexually desirable to a man who is traditionally handsome in the way Frank Langdon is. Or people are uncomfortable imagining Mel might have sexual desires or a sexual life at all, with Langdon involved or otherwise.

And then also there's this fine line too of some people saying they head-canon Mel as asexual and/or aromantic — and it's like. I'm not necessarily pissed at that or think it's a problem, because we all want representation and project our own traits onto characters to better understand ourselves or draw comfort. And again — I've heard that apparently Taylor Deardon said that's a valid interpretation of the character. And it is! But it's also like. Oh. So we're completely de-sexualizing the autistic girl. Cool. That makes sense — she's a little socially awkward and nerdy so of course she's not interested in sex! And even if she was interested in all that icky stuff her handsome coworker would never be into sex with her omg that would be so weird they're so siblings coded!!

Idk. This is nuanced — because again, if you're asexual I would never want to say it's wrong to conceive of Mel that way. We're all just playing barbies in our heads with our blorbos, I get it. I'm literally projecting my own sexuality onto Mel because I relate to her, so I guess I've actually just entirely talked myself out of being angry at all lol. So to any and all asexuals who headcanon Mel that way, keep doing you.

It's just a personal annoyance for me more than anything to see comments that imply Mel is a non-sexual being, as someone who sees myself in her a lot and also happens to really like sex. I feel like, because of the social cues I miss sometimes, and the way I am at work and in my personal life with friends and stuff — I am constantly fighting against the belief that I'm somehow 'innocent' or 'naive' when it's like. bud. I've literally had the kinkiest sex. I go to a sex club fairly regularly where I have sex with and/or in front of strangers. In fact, I'd argue part of the reason I like sex so much — and particularly kinky sex — is BECAUSE of the autism. I've noticed, from my time being in the community, that the kink world is filled with people on the spectrum lol. Makes sense — kink is all about rules and structure, controlled and safe (yet intense!) physical sensation. All things that attracted me to the lifestyle because I'm autistic, and the straightforwardness and clarity of communication about sex in the kink community felt like such a god-damned relief to me after struggling to have a sex-life out there in the neurotypical world.

Anyway. Long story short I'm just saying it's absolutely Frank who is the vanilla one in the Kingdon relationship. He's been married for years to someone I assume was probably his college girlfriend. 'Kinky' for him is breaking out the fuzzy hand-cuffs for anniversary sex or something, maybe some light spanking thrown in idk.

To end — I need someone to write a fic where the Pitt-crew plays never-have-I-ever during a night out, and Mel gets shit-faced and has to put down all her fingers before anyone else because there's so little she hasn't done. People keep throwing out more and more outrageous things, eyes going saucer-wide, and Mel's ears are burning but also she just keeps putting fingers down, throwing back shots, and raising a scornful eyebrow at anyone who dares to doubt her or make some comment like 'but Mel you don't seem like that type at all!!'

And Frank is. Sitting there quietly vibrating. Horny as hell. Having some thoughts and feelings about the fact that he knows Mel owns a strap now.

[monochromatictoad]

I have an incredibly strong urge to write a specific type of fanfic for Gabastle.

Hear me out. The Castle infantilizes Gabriel.

Whether intentionally or unintentionally, it treats Gabriel like he wasn't a knight that could easily defend himself, but like a child who can't do anything for himself. It's like another layer of codependency I adore with this ship. It frames it as, "My prince, the humans you knew were so awful to you. You are royalty, why should you ever have to lift a finger?" Or like "Oh, my prince, we will do this for you. All you must do is stay there, and not worry about anything." Or even "My prince, you would not understand this diplomatic talk. Let the Toymaker handle this, and we'll take you back to the throne, where you are more comfortable."

Anyways, I'm having thoughts and ideas.

[beans-beneath-moonlight]

Just a casual reminder for the BSD fandom

[sea-buns]

Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?

You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.

You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.

You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—

you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."

Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.

[simcardiac-arrested]

do artists still hate it when people call their art cute or am i wrong to fear being crucified whenever i dare call someone’s drawing cute in the tags

[sonknuxadow]

sorry i dont really like the shadow is silvers dad theory/headcanon/whatever and part of the reason for it is that people keep presenting it as an actual thing that could be possible even though it makes no sense and all "evidence" people use to back it up is easily disputed

[kobracola]

ngl i really fucking hate the disparity between the way people treat gerard and lindsey in bandom

[chaos-potat]

Hey guys!

Please stop calling Chaos Crew Mikey and Childhood Dreams Timothy a baby :D

They are not babies! They are teenagers, saying "poor baby" when they're sad makes me feel really invalidated because I'm trying to write teenagers but people are calling them babies for being naive or positive

It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong because my writing is being compared to babies when I'm trying to write a teenage character being upset

[weather-advisory]

here to teach you tone tags as i whole heartedly belive they would fix your autistic ass

these are things you add onto the end of a sentence online so someone can read teh tone of the sentence cuz that can be difficult to convey online

/j = joking /srs = being serious /hj = half joking /pos = in a positive way /neg = in a negative way /sarc or /s = being sarcastic /nf = not forced or no pressure

those r all teh ones i can think of YOU'RE WELCOME

I’m literally too old to have ‘Autism’ but okay.

But- nevertheless, thanks for explaining. I can finally understand what you people are saying.

[finalexpenses]

just remembered that earlier i saw someone say that dunmesh is "a dwarf father and a half-foot father and a half-elf mother trying to raise their weird autistic son (laois) together" . MARCILLE IS YOUNGER THAN LAOIS DEVELOPMENTALLY. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

[leaf-green-spring]

Tumblr needing to discover that Chinese people are people and being a Tumblr level of normal about it makes me feel unwell

[caesurah-tblr]

People who hate the debates because they’re seeing their fav CCs fight don’t trust their CC’s emotions.

Guys, it’s roleplay. Nothing they’re doing or saying reflects how they feel in real life.

I’m just tired of seeing people cry about politics. They’re all fully grown adults. Don’t baby them because they fight in Minecraft.

[happytragicgirl]

The time periods every* human’s lives started to fall apart in my au

*Not including abstracted members … sorry Kaufmo 😭

Yes this is a very specific type of post

Pomni: around age 4

Gangle: it started in early elementary school, but then continued to just get worse … (same)

Zooble: middle school-going into high school

Jax: it all started… when he was born (/ref)

Ragatha: about age 11-12

Kinger: early adulthood (early to mid 20s-ish)