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happytragicgirl · 11 months ago
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The time periods every* human’s lives started to fall apart in my au
*Not including abstracted members … sorry Kaufmo 😭
Yes this is a very specific type of post
Pomni: around age 4
Gangle: it started in early elementary school, but then continued to just get worse … (same)
Zooble: middle school-going into high school
Jax: it all started… when he was born (/ref)
Ragatha: about age 11-12
Kinger: early adulthood (early to mid 20s-ish)
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Just imagine a normally nice MC that is pissed off. Everyone will be kinda concerned and confused bc this docile, sweet human is threatening to behead them. This something I cannot get out of my head. It’s ok if you don’t do it, but thanks for taking the time to read this :)
((I might just be on a Danganronpa binge, but I picture MC snapping like this (Spoilers for Danganronpa if you’ve never seen or played it and intend on doing so. I’ll put a gif under it if it helps prove the point better) ))
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt_qF8SbZ_I
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                         I’m gonna TRY to take this seriously, I swear XD. Only doing this with the 7 bros atm, but lemme know if you guys want the undateables in the future.
SPOILERS FOR LESSONS 1-20, MOSTLY CUSA BELPHIE’S PART. I really hope this is okay, it took me a WHILE to write. There’s probably some grammar mistakes here and there, but I will fix them overtime))
Lucifer:
Lucifer was kinda putting pressure on you with chores and tasks, barely giving you time to rest. Eventually, it just kinda made you snap at him.
“CAN’T YOU DO THIS CRAP YOURSELF?! YOU MANAGE THESE 6 IDIOTS ALL THE TIME AND YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING LIKE A SIMPLE CHORE OR TASK?!” you snapped at him.
Welp...it was nice knowing you. Depending on the types of relationship you have with Lucifer, his punishments are either personal...or “Private” if you get my drift.
WE KNOW YOU’RE A FREAKY BITCH, LUCI!
Either way, you DEFINITELY feel like you are dead meat once you realize it was LUCIFER you snapped at. 
If the others are in the room with you, Mammon will run, Levi will livestream it, Satan and Belphegor will either be there to laugh at you or encourage you to say worse, Beel will get a snack to watch and Asmo...well he’ll probably tell Luci to try not leave a mark on your body because that’s “his job”. Basically no one is helpful here.
Unless you’re not afraid of Luci or just stupid in which case, you keep runnin your damn mouth at him over stuff that will TOTALLY hurt his Pride. If you get one of his brothers to laugh, even SNICKER at him, you are in WORSE trouble.
Bonus points added to you getting screwed over by him if Diavolo was anywhere CLOSE to hear that,
Your ass is getting dragged to his room or office and getting a talking to or a “talking to” for SEVERAL hours straight.
Luci doesn’t take shit, He i the Avatar of Pride and will not let some human taint it.
Not gonna lie though...you DID catch him off guard and he did kinda ease up on the work because even though he’s way stronger than you, he does NOT wanna see you like that ever again
 Mammon:
Oh, he did it again. He got both of you in trouble. You snapped cus this was the third time in a row that week. Mammon’s making his stupid excuses and it just..unloaded onto him.
“WELL MAYBE IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH A SCUMBAG, WE WOULDN'T GET INTO SO MUCH TROUBLE!” you barked at him.
He. Was. Stunned. 
If you’re Lucifer levels of angry, he might even be a little scared of you. 
For a moment to defend himself, he may switch to how he was when you two first met.
“O-Oh yeah?! Who are you, a weak, feeble HUMAN to tell the Great Mammon what he is and isn’t?! I could crush ya right now if I wanted to!”
He’s bluffing so much even humans that WEREN’T there could see it.
“Oh, you know what? YA KNOW WHAT?! That is it! I am not even gonna speak to you til you are BEGGIN’ me to forgive ya!”
Yep, he’s really doing this. Obviously, you don’t care because you’re not the one that should be apologizing here.
The other 6 are actually pretty happy with this transaction. Finally, some silence from Mammon’s ever yapping pie-hole. He’s sitting there with a pout on his lip and slumped. He’s not going to say how sorry you’ll be in front of his brothers because he said HE wasn’t talking to YOU. So he doesn’t need it rubbed in his face.
Of course, being the Avatar of Greed, he’s up to his Greedy ways, so he’ll make whatever excuse he can to get his brothers away from you.
Not even a day has passed and he comes up saying he “forgives you for getting mad at him”. But if you still look upset with him, he does legit feel bad and apologizes...the MAMMON way lol.
“Well...I GUESS if it bugs you that much, I could keep outta trouble...Just for a little while, though! I ain't some softie! I’m too much of an awesome rebel for that~!” he said, trying so much to impress you with his “Bad Boy” attitude.
Deep down, he just doesn’t want to make his human mad at him again.
 Leviathan:
((Sorry if the reason isn't great, but this baby boy is too cute to have a reason to be mad at, I’m sorry! If Levi stans hate this, you have permission to slap me. I deserve it XD))
Levi had kept dragging you to play games with him and watch anime, but you had studying to do.
Whenever you tried to tell him you had to go study, he did this thing where he would use the “Studying is probably better than hanging out with a lame otaku like me” speech to get you to cave in.
You didn't realize it, but you only had a few days left to study and you were STRESSED.
Levi was about to use the same speech on you again when you finally had had enough.
“LEVI! I HAVE SPENT SO MUCH TIME WITH YOU, IT COULD ACTUALLY COST ME FROM GETTING A GOOD GRADE! CAN YOU PLEASE PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ANIME AND VIDEO GAMES AND DO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T RISK OTHER PEOPLE FAILING AT LIFE!“ you blurted. You regretted saying some of that, but it was too little too late. 
Levi was hurt his best friend would say all of that to him. You could see him fighting back tears. 
“F-Fine..! Whatever! I can just find s-someone else to play with me..!” he said, choking n his words. “J-Just get outta my room, already!”
You tried to apologize for snapping, but he wasn’t having it, at least not right now. 
You would make it up to him after you finished studying and taking your test.
Levi spent the next few days being somewhat passive-aggressive towards you, spending more time with Mammon or Henry 2.0 (his goldfish) just to spite you. However, you were too busy catching up on the studying you missed out on to notice.
Eventually, he was ready to go give you a piece of his mind when he saw...you were asleep at your desk and surrounded by books. It kinda made him realize how much he really made you miss out on and he felt pretty bad.
The next morning, you woke up to a text from Lucifer that said he pulled some strings to get you more time to study and have your date for the test slightly later than the others. You also had Levi’s jacket wrapped around your shoulders.
You definitely bought him some new games and figures as a way to apologize for yelling at him and you two made up.
Rest assured, Levi listens to you way more after that. You being mad at him is upsetting and kinda scary to him.
Satan:
Satan was being a typical cynical smartass and talking about what tricks he’ll attempt on Lucifer today.
The past THREE times you, he and Belphie tried to pull pranks on Lucifer, you were one step ahead and you just DID not have the energy for it anymore.
“Hey Satan..~” you say sweetly to lure him in.
“Mmm?” he asked, distractedly.
“Shut...the F**K up!” you snapped, irritated at him.
Now...There are really two ways the Avatar or Wrath can take being told to shut up, let alone to shut the f up. 
If you are LUCKY...Satan will laugh it off with an amused chuckle that you’re trying to intimidate him
Your luck runs out of you try and elaborate on that WHILE he’s laughing.
“IF YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMARTEST BROTHER, HOW DO YOU HAVE SUCH IDIOTIC IDEAS?!”
You’re dead. You’ve dug your own grave and you are DEAD. He’ll PROBABLY grab you by the throat if that REALLY pissed him off.
“What the F**K...did you just say to me you weak, breakable little twerp?” he asks in that calm, serial killer like tone that let’s you know you’re dead meat.
That’s when you run, you knock some books in his path and you run!
You don’t stop running until you find Lucifer to make Satan calm the hell down.
It’s probably best if you two don’t talk to one another for a few days.
Satan is secretly shocked and upset his image of you being the innocent one is shattered...for like, a SECOND. That is until he realizes...he LIKES to see you angry...and he WILL use this newfound enjoyment against you.
You go to apologize, but he yanks you in, pins you to the wall like he’s going to hurt you...but smirks and says in his most smarmy and CONDESCENDING tone.
“You’re even cuter when you’re mad~ I won’t hurt you over this...at least not in the way I had intended~” he teases before pecking your nose and walking away like the tease he is.
He could be such a bitch sometimes.
 Asmodeus:
You were honestly pretty jealous of the people who Asmo had been flirting with. To the point it was really starting to irritate you. Especially if he spoke about how cute OTHER people were while you were there.
When he got to talking about something hot someone else has that you are self conscious over…you just lost it.
“MAYBE IF YOU STARTED THINKING WITH THE HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS, YOU’RE VAIN DUMBASS COULD FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES!” you hissed.
Asmo blinked at you, shocked you would even WANT to shriek at someone as beautiful as him. After thinking it over for a second, not even looking offended, just surprised, he grew a small smirk.
You see, kids, if events have taught us anything, it’s that you can’t get angry at Asmo…cus his horny-ass just thinks you’re being forceful or aggressive and he enjoys it.
“My, my~ This is an INTERESTING change of pace, (Y/N). I sense that someone is jealous over my attention being away from them~! Of course, it’s not like I blame you~! I’m so beautiful, ANYONE would fight over me~” he bragged.
You were just so done with his nonsense, you were about to leave, but you felt him grab your wrist all of a sudden. He tugged you close and stroked your chin with a sly smirk.
“That being said, I think I LIKE seeing you raise your voice at me~ Do it some more, (Y/N)~ Pretty please~❤”
Yep, you were gone. You couldn’t with his flirty shit right now. You were still mad, you just had the deepest blush across your cheeks.
Asmo kept trying to make you jealous so you would bark at him. You opened a new kink for him to say the least.
You know what DID end up getting to him though? When you looked the person he was flirting with dead in the eye and said “You can have him..” like you were giving away something you didn’t even want.
THAT’S when he got offended. He was maaaaaaaad.
���(Y/N)! How could you SAY such a thing?! Do you not want me or something?!” he asked, pouting up a storm.
Well, you wanted to get a reaction out of him, you just didn’t expect it to go like THAT.
He tries to give you the cold shoulder, but he wants your attention too much to keep it up, so he eventually sits beside you with a pout on his lips and his arms folded.
“I’m willing to apologize for flirting with other demons...but only if you apologize for that comment earlier.” He said
You eventually do apologize, cus even if you love him, a whiny Asmo can get emotionally tiring. You promise him you mean every word of apology…and then he tackles you with hugs and kisses.
You may or may not regret apologize just for that alone, but at least he’s happy.
Beezlebub:
Beel ate something you were saving for later. Usually he wouldn’t because he would want to eat something like that WITH you since it was yours. Sometimes it wasn’t even that big of a deal to you because you could just get more. ((I know all the foodies in the audience are looking at me funny for writing that. Look guys, unless it’s something I haven’t had in a while, I don’t personally care if someone eats my food.))
 But this time it was different. It was a special treat someone close to you had brought just for you before you got to the Devildom. Maybe even they last time you’d see them for a long time, not just the year you were in the Devildom. It’s not the last time you see them ever because it’s not gonna be THAT depressing guys.
You had written your name and everything on it, but Beel was in his hungry stages…like CLOSE to demon form stages.
You saw the carnage left over from this special treat. Beel was JUST apologize when you snapped.
“TURNING INTO A DEMON PUT YOUR BRAIN IN YOUR STOMACH, DIDN’T IT?!” you snapped. Beel was like…legit surprised to see this coming from YOU of all people. You were such a small, sweet little human the rest of the time and here you were, yelling at him.
Yelling at Beel definitely caused some instant regret, because the boy couldn’t help himself. Now YOU were about to apologize when Beel interrupted.
“I-I’m so sorry (Y/N). I didn’t realize how much it meant to you. I should have gotten one of my brothers to call you…o-or told you on my D.D.D so we could’ve…I’m sorry.” He said, frowning. “I promise, I’ll make up for this…I’ll go to the human world and get the person who made it if I have to.” He said, leaving you alone.
Well you sure felt like a jackass now. Yeah, out of all the brothers, Beel is probably the most understanding, so you legit feel like an ass after yelling at him. You texted and said your apology over and over to him, but he either wouldn’t reply because he was trying to re-create it or insisting it was hit fault.
Belphie is pretty pissed you yelled at Beel like that, but you did tell him you didn’t mean for it to slip out and explain the situation.
He doesn’t get the sentimental value like you or Beel do, but he soon gets you really ARE sorry and leaves you alone about it.
Beel eventually calls you over and he made a BUNCH of the food he ate on you. Some he got his brothers or Barbados to help him with, but a lot were made by him.
This freaking teddy bear of a demon worked his wings off to make it up to you. Of COURSE you two forgive each other.
The flavor probably isn’t EXACTLY like the one he ate on you, but you felt the love put into it none the less and you at least have a new fond memory of that food. You may need help eating it all though.
The whole house eats that dish for a while. You even get Solomon, the angels and even Diavolo to help clean out the supply.
Beel’s more than happy to help though. It’s also just as well you won’t see the person who gave you the original for a while. You get sick of it pretty quick…but seeing Beel smile over it does help bring enjoyment back to the flavor.
 Belphegor:
It was either like Satan where he got you in trouble with Lucifer or he slept in and missed out on something important. Either way, you were fed up with Belphie showing up late to things or not showing up at all
As soon as he woke up, he just gave you an innocent looking, bus clearly condescending smile, much like when he used to lie to your face. You sure let him have it in the middle of his smart ass tone.
“WITH HOW IRRESPONSIBLE YOU ARE, I WISH I COULD SLEEP RIGHT THROUGH ALL YOUR BULLS**T!” you barked at him all of a sudden.
Now kinda like Satan, at first Belphie’s response to this is to get angry right away. His face gradually lowers and he kinda towers over you like he’s trying to intimidate you and, if you remember what he did in another timeline, it kinda works to a degree.
“The hell did you just say to me? I killed you once, I’ll do it again if I wanted to.” He was hoping to catch you off guard and laugh at you once you got scared of him, but you were still just so mad at him, you were ready to call his bluff.
“YEAH?! BIG MAN?! GO ON! DO IT! GIVE LUCI ANOTHER REASON TO LOCK YOU IN THE F**KIN ATTIC!” you yelled, pushing him.
Okay, THAT was a scorcher tho! That knocked the damn wind out of him. He knew for a FACT, you would never bring him being in the attic into this, so he KNEW he had legit pissed you right off. He just kinda took a step back in surprise.
“Okay, damn…I wasn’t being serious.” He said, picking up his pillow and walking away, shaking his head slightly. “You humans are so sensitive at times.
Out of all the brothers, as surprised as he is by your outburst, he probably cares the least. You know how he is with Lucifer, so he’ll likely use this as a means to push your buttons too.
You don’t want to talk to him, but he will STILL give you a smarmy “Are you done being a child yet?” JUST to get on your nerves.
Beel can see that it’s not just putting a damper on your mood, but Belphie’s too, because as much as he wants to uphold how much of a smartass he is, he’s finding it harder to take naps knowing he upset you.
The twins talk it out and Belphie admits defeat, waiting til you’re alone in your room to go see you. He says nothing, comes in and sits on your bed, gesturing you sit beside him and resting his head on your lap.
“I’m sorry I kept pushing you…I didn’t realize how much I actually upset you and I’ll try not to sleep in as much if it’s for you..” he said softly.
You stroked his hair slowly and kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry I yelled at you..the attic thing was too far.” You said.
Belphie smiled and wrapped his arms around you, keeping you in place. “You can make it up to me by letting me sleep on you.
He did actually make better effort into showing up and it only cost more naps while holding you, so best make sure you don’t have anywhere to be for the next few hours. Belphie will lock you in place.
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artistpoet · 7 years ago
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just curious: what are your reasons for living? what makes you hold on to your existence in this world? what keeps you going? i have a hard time myself trying to figure things out. so i ask my favorite blogs in the hope that i will also find answers. hope you have a good day/night wherever you are.
hey there thank you so much for sending this in. makes me think about stuff for a little bit and it’s sort of nice to just you know, pause and evaluate these every once in a while.
okay so my reasons for living.. not sure but i strongly believe the main reason is bc i want to make my parents happy. and proud. being able to have a stable job and support my parents’ needs and repay their hard work and the burdens they had to go through to get me into where i am now (eventho i’m sure there’s no freaking way i could be able to repay all of their kindness), that’s p much mostly what i live for.. and the next reason probs has smth to do with me being curious with how my life’s going to turn out. right now i have quite a lot of plans and ideas of what i want to be doing for the next like, 3-5 years. i wanna start a business, have a family and so forth and aaaa sometimes realizing that i’m already 20 and a year closer to all these just makes me go “!!!!!” both in a good way and a bad way lmao. bad, cus i haven’t really find a bf and i’m not rly seeing someone atm and i’m anxious cus my high school and uni squad almost all of them are in a relationship and they’re at a point where they’re trying to set me up w someone they know but that’s for another post lmao.. and good cus recently i just came into a realisation that life keeps surprising me in a way that i never expect and you know… just here wondering how my life’s gonna turn out while working on myself and my goals at the same time. and oh also my travel bucketlists. i’d love to travel around the world and to be able to put this hobby into realisation and stuff u know??? anyways i don’t wanna come across as being an expert in this cus i’m in the process of finding meaning in life as well so i’m p much on the same boat as you tbh.. it’s just nice to share some of my thoughts on this matter cus i think about this a lot
not too sure if ur okay with this but i just want to share a bible verse with u, Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” i write this verse on a post-it note and stick it on the wall of my desk cus it’s nice to be assured that He has greater plans for u and things will always be beautiful in His time. couldve elaborated on this better but sorry i’m still new to this but that’s what i get out of that verse
okay this answer is all over the place but 1) i just came back from a group meeting and my brain is dead and 2) i really want to answer this in an honest unedited way if that even makes any sense. sorry if most of my points are very horribly explained because english is not my first language and i haven’t written an essay in like a year lmao but hopefully u get the gist of it. i pray that you’ll be able to figure things out and not question on ur existence because i can assure you that you are loved and you matter. much love!!!!!!! sending you warm hugs and positive vibes.
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rapturedtoxicity · 7 years ago
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Me: yo Me: wassup Friend: nm just bout to watch the mayweather fight Me: right Me: mcgregor or mayweather Me: ? Me: disclaimer i dont know shit abt any of that Friend: boxing match Friend: jst watching it since it will be a thing that lots of people talk about Me: fair enough Me: i am Me: extremely drunk rn Me: have been for the last 6 days Friend: lol Friend: welcome to how many people spend their early 20s Me: cheers Me: it helps deal with the pain tbh Me: dude Me: weird question maybe but Me: have you ever self harmed Friend: no but its not something that works with me Me: fair enough Me: i've been trying it Me: it kinda helps Me: for me Friend: ive done it but not directly Friend: just training slamming my fist and knees into a wall Friend: until i just ran out of energy Me: i getcha Friend: but it didnt do anything Friend: but those times i just wanted to feel anything that wasnt what i felt ever yday Friend: even if it was physical pain Friend: it was nice to feel something else Me: yeh Me: kinda where i am atm Me: been making cuts into my arm Me: to distract from the heartache Me: it helps a lot Me: surprisingly much actually Me: dont mean to be depressing, rofl Me: dont intend to make it a permanent habit or anything but Me: fuck Me: it helps Me: god damn Friend: i get you Friend: but people do it for different reasons Friend: i just want to punish myself Friend: i found other ways to do that Me: kind of on that page atm Me: punishing/relief Me: feel like i deserve it in a way Friend: for me those were 2 different things, it was nice to feel something else but essentially it got me nowhere closer to a positive end goal Friend: or so i've rationalised what im doing now to be conducive Me: yeh Friend: im sure im wrong but Me: idk if im aiming for a positive end goal atm? just kinda Friend: im far too proud, i have to do it solo Me: doing it to relieve stress in the moment Me: you get me Me: ? Me: yeh i get you Friend: a little but Friend: when i did that stuff Friend: i couldnt do anything Me: i know it's fucking stupid and all that Friend: my brain just didnt think straight Me: and i know i aint thinkin straight Me: yeh Me: but Me: it does help. Me: for me, at least Me: redirects the fucking Me: immense emotional pain into Me: slight physical pain Me: distracts me in the moment Me: only real downside atm for me is how hard it is to hide it Friend: nah thats effort Friend: showing it is fine Friend: just make sure you have a solid convo ender to observers who question it Me: i agree personally but Me: my coworkers keep telling me to cover up and shit Me: like im not looking for attention Friend: cover up? Me: im just doing my own thing when i roll up my sleeves at work and shit Friend: do your cuts etc show? Me: yeh Friend: yeh thats stupid Friend: obviously Friend: use your leg or something Friend: fuck knows why im helpng you do this Me: hahhhahahhaha Me: i actually cracked up Me: lmfao Friend: but until you realise better Friend: me saying Friend: dont do it Friend: wont achieve shit Me: agreed Friend: but you need to know you're retarded for doing it Me: heard that a bit much lately Me: just makes me feel spite Me: yeh i know it's retarded Friend: you're smart enough to suffer until you have a better answer Me: aye Me: i get it Friend: you might hate me a little for saying it Me: just dont have a better answer atm Friend: but personally i think you shouldn't be shit sad Friend: this* Me: elaborate Friend: i know its all relative obviously Friend: but tons of people would kill to have the kind of breakup you had Friend: yeh things will be a little tough but you still have someone close (at least thats what we know for now) Friend: you need to thing of all the good things Friend: and think like Friend: ok magic lamb Friend: genie magic Friend: go Friend: change your situation Me: i am Me: i've started working on myself and shit Friend: lamp* Me: am meeting ppl pretty much every day and shit Me: going out more, doing new things Me: but when i get home the rest of it takes over Friend: but would you be doing that if you knew you had no chance with her? Me: id probably Me: take a few days to just fucking sulk to be honest Friend: i mean i understand how decisions are influenced to match your S/o Me: and then try and work on it Friend: but a "change" like that needs to be genuine or its all superficial Friend: and fragile Me: no yeah like Me: ive been thinking like Me: last couple days like Me: as much as i hate that this is happening Me: maybe it's a good thing in the big picture Me: because i'd become so fucking like Me: isolated Me: i was only really meeting her Me: and chilling with her Me: never really met or did anything with friends Me: so in a way it was a wake up call Me: made me realize that i had to water the crops so i could keep on reaping them Me: still have my eyes on the prized flower ofc Me: but it kinda made me realize that she isnt the only thing thats important to me Me: shes obviously really fucking important to me but it really kind of woke me up Me: like a splash of water to the face Me: like Me: "shit i fucking. i gotta get off my ass and meet friends and shit" Friend: yeh its true Me: made me understand how important all that shit is to me kind of Friend: as you get older, you need to always make an active effort Friend: to stay on top of friends Me: yeh Me: cause i was very reliant on her in a way Me: and as much as i want that to be a thing still Me: it made me understand that i can also rely on other people Me: i can also look to other people Me: meet other people etc etc Me: i've come to understand that a lot of the things thatMe: meet other people etc etc Me: i've come to understand that a lot of the things that Me: i originally didnt like to do with her Me: or like Me: "didnt like" Me: it made me realize i was just being a shitter in my own world Me: i actually enjoy a  lot of those things Friend: thats also a tricky thing tho Friend: like feeling that a bad aspect about you needs fixing Me: just didnt understand it cause i was so stuck in my loop Me: yeh sure maybe im just saying/doing that to make myself feel better unconsciously but at least its something right Me: a different perspective Me: like Me: i find myself Me: actually wanting to go on walks Me: i find myself actually wanting to do all this shit i thought i hated doing Me: i feel more awake in a sense Me: so while i still really want her back i think ive kind of found the light at the end of the tunnel in a way Me: a different light than i was originally searching for, maybe Me: but a light nonetheless Friend: i get you Friend: a little advice is try not to mention any "changes" you have Friend: personally its just better if a person realises your changes from seeing it first hand Friend: dont be that guy who promotes himself Me: yeh cause it'll maybe make her think im trying to change for her or something Friend: yeh Me: instead of actually changing Friend: dont advertise it ever Friend: just know what you're showing and how you're acting is a result of work and mentality Friend: if it shows it shows Friend: if it doesnt then who cares Friend: you do you for you Friend: it would just be good obv if the flower gets it without any assist Me: yeah Me: for sure Me: i think Me: if we end up hanging out again and shit Me: i'm pretty sure i'm still just gonna Me: want to ask her to go out for a walk and do shit and all that Me: because i feel that desire now Me: even if i'm making cuts on my arms and drinking like a maniac Me: like i still feel like im making progress Me: even if my current ways of coping with the pain are fucking retarded Me: and im very aware of that Me: i kinda feel like i can maybe learn from being a fucking moron for a little bit though Me: understand a bit better how that is, how the perspective switches you know Friend: yeh Me: notes to be had Me: dont advertise change Me: it gives the wrong impression Me: might make her think its superficial Me: uhhhHHh Me: stop being retarded at some point obviously Friend: tbh a big thing of being in your head too much Friend: is if you're not actually busy Friend: so try and do mre Friend: in the day Friend: tire yourself out Friend: budget your time bette Friend: r Friend: dont yolo days Me: i feel like being a moron and behaving irresponsibly for a bit is ok because this is the most painful shit ive gone through ever pretty much Friend: cus then you just think about shit you dont need to Friend: cus you've nothing better to do Me: yeh Me: plan shit Me: do things Me: make plans in advance etc etc Friend: that might help Me: i feel like Me: idk if im wrong abt this Me: but Me: i think it's okay to be a moron for a bit Friend: personally Friend: i mean it makes sense Me: obviously you're the fuckin logic sensei and all that Friend: but think of dota shitters who are like Friend: im 2k so i dont need to get dust Friend: cus at that point its ignorance after the fact Me: and, again: i'm actively referring to myself as a fuckin moron so i understand that this shit is just retarded Friend: like choosing the ignorance Friend: thats cool Me: but atm it feels like it's aight Friend: but like how i avoid saying sorry Friend: if you keep calling yourself a moron Friend: that word wont mean shit Me: it'll lose meaning yeh Friend: cus your brain will just go Me: i'll just say sth else lol Friend: ive called myself that for weeks Friend: /months Me: yeh Me: i get you Me: stops meaning anything Me: idk. maybe im just not ready to like Me: take the leap Friend: yeh see thats legit to accept Friend: things like that take some time Friend: some wisdom Me: yeah Friend: so you make the call when you think you're ready Friend: some people never are ready Friend: and need the push Friend: but give yourself a chance Friend: to figure it out yourself Me: i think i will know soon enough Friend: before you get pushed Me: yeah Me: i definitely needed the push Me: the breakup was a big push tbh Me: really shoved me in the deep of it Me: like i said Me: made me understand what i value and all that Friend: yeh thats something that sucks Friend: but its kinda nice to Friend: too* Me: yeh Me: bittersweet Friend: you def feel growth once you realise what you had Friend: after you loseit Friend: yeh Friend: you'll see things a little differently now Me: yeah Me: if things take off again with her Me: i'll understand better what i want and what she wants Me: the growth is a nice feeling despite all the shittiness Me: it's some what relieving i guess Me: to understand myself a little better Me: man my coworkers were constantly telling me to cover up the cuts today Me: felt kinda bad tbh Friend: it should Me: cause im not ashamed of them really Friend: you showing other people makes it their problem Friend: because you would rightfully say Friend: hey if you're a good person Friend: and you see someone in troble Friend: you'd help Friend: so you openly showing something wrong Friend: doesnt make it just a hraug problem Me: i guess that's true Friend: so its fine not to be ashamed Friend: but do it for the others around you Me: yeah Me: that's fair Me: i feel like its kind of important that Me: like Me: im not trying to show anything Me: does that make sense like Me: im not pulling up my sleeves as a cry for help im just trying to not get them dirty while i work Me: but i obviously understnad that people seeing that shit is gonna have some effect on them one way or another Me: im just kinda like Me: obviously its not as simple as saying "it's none of your business" but that's kind of how i feel anyways Me: cuz its not something that im trying to show Me: its not something i think people should worry about Me: because i dont worry about it Me: but maybe im just being ignorant Me: or sth Me: idk Friend: yeh you are Friend: just get some bandages and perma keep em on Friend: but again its just normal sadness that you're feeling its no different to a normal breakup, you should try for a week to not to cut or stuff Friend: cus its not a smart way to deal with sadness in general Friend: especially when its nowhere near as bad as just out right being rejected due to failure or anything else Me: thats true i guess Me: idk though. i feel like that argument just goes back to like Me: children in africa and all that shit Friend: yeh dw about that just think he this is how i feel in this situation Friend: so just try and understand why you're feeling the way you're feeling Friend: that'll help you tackle how you feel Friend: and in the future it will make sense Friend: you;ll see the same signs Friend: etc etc Me: yeah Me: i suppose Me: that is true. Me: dude im so drunk lmfao i was actually considering asking you if you wanted to see my cuts Me: lmfoashdjgk Me: complete retard over here Me: god damn Me: ugh Me: i think i need to sleep maybe Friend: lol well i understand why you'd say it Friend: it wont phase me Friend: but i wont condone it Me: nah Me: i get that Friend: yeh that's smart Me: im the same w that w other people Me: condoning is not good Me: but theres a difference between condoning and like Me: accepting Me: i guess? Friend: yeh Friend: but cutting is a last resort in my head Friend: so im surprised you jumped str8 there Friend: but again we're all diferent Friend: ff* Me: i Me: tried it at first Me: because i was kinda curious Me: wondered it if it'd do anything for me Me: cause i know some people that have done it and said it helped them cope Friend: yeh it def helps nodoubt Me: and i was curious cause i havent really found anything to cope Friend: but again Friend: in my head its a last resort Me: havent had any desire to play any games in the last week Me: which is my usual coping method Me: yeh Friend: i see Me: but we're all different Me: like you said Me: i gotta stop drinking Me: rofl Friend: hah Friend: ive heard that a trillion times Friend: its shameful Me: feels bad Me: feels kinda good Me: but it feels bad Friend: lol Friend: welcome to the drunk life Me: hahahha Me: yeh Me: im learning to drink through this actually Me: learning how to pace myself Friend: absinth was a tricky one for me Friend: hate the taste Me: never had it afaik Me: did my first tequila shot tonight Friend: you'll know when you taste it Friend: you cant taste anythign Me: shit was nasty Friend: but that Friend: you could lick a hobos ass Friend: and not taste anything Friend: but absinth Me: shit Me: is it as agressive as gin? Me: gin is fucking nasty Me: like eating the bark of an orange Friend: its like Friend: gin Friend: super saiyan steroids Friend: +10 Me: ugh Me: nvm then Friend: you gta try it Friend: if you do it Friend: have like a single shot Friend: as a first drink Me: how strong is it? Friend: so you can taste it and shit Me: yeh Friend: its the strongest there is i think Friend: like 60% Friend: something stupid Me: ohhh bitch Me: that is nasty Me: aight well Me: im gonna fucking Me: sleep Me: cheers for the chat dude Me: always a pleasure Friend: likewise Friend: nn dude
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