#some of these are just dumb but i tried so hard
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loverafey · 20 hours ago
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right of course we all think that rafe is dominant in bed alright- but what do we think about submissive rafe wanting to be taken care of after a tiring day? can you write sum for that???
your theme and writing is just so ugghh i love it and i think your writing style would fit my request so GOOD
anon this made me giggle you're the sweetest. <3 !!! confession time i've never written dom!reader before so this is an amazing req :]
pent up ! bf!rafe x reader.
          ꕀ warnings - smut, this is so filthy good lord, switching the dynamics up, dom!reader and sub!rafe, handjob, orgasm denial, he whimpers guys, riding. wc -  1.4k
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it’s quite the norm for rafe to come back home all pent up after a long day, sometimes dishevelled and mostly pissed off. it was as if something wrong happened to him every day, at least in his eyes. it was slightly amusing, though you’d never tell him that, lest it does nothing but makes his mood all the more sour.
though it was nothing like today. he hadn’t muttered a word when he came back home from work, hadn’t spared a glance at you, eyes down and lips pursed tightly as he stomped his way into the bedroom. you wouldn’t even have noticed his presence if it weren’t for the sound of his footsteps. rightfully concerned, you rose from the couch where you’d been waiting for him, following after him.
“rafe?” you asked, noting the way his shoulders visibly stiffened up.
“i’m not in the mood.” he grumbled out, not as snappy as usual, just tired and bummed out. you tilted your head curiously, still stepping closer to him until you were in front of him. at this point, you’d gotten used to not caring about the rather hurtful words he’d be spewing out when mad.
“c’mon, what happened?” you asked, hands gently moving up to cup his face. despite the frustration etched on his face, he leaned it, earning a smile on your face as your fingernails lightly scratched against his skin, soothing his nerves.
“stupid fucking- stupid bitch tried to scam me. do people thing i’m fucking dumb, that i’m just some… incompetent replacement of my father?” he rambled on rather hastily, causing his words to get mixed and fumbled. you listened, gently guiding him on the bed. he didn’t resist at all, too exhausted to complain or start another argument that he’d normally do when tired.
“you must be so tired, huh? seems like a really bad day.” you sat down beside him, wrapping your arms around his neck, feeling him lean into you. limp and compliant, he rested his head on your shoulder and groaned, pulling you up to sit on his lap, craving nothing but your warmth.
“you’ve no idea.” he huffed against your skin, shuddering when he felt you massaging his tense nape.
rafe was never one to fall into submission. he always had to be on the top, to assert his power over others, anything to fill something. though with you, it was less about power and more about letting him do all the work so you were constantly showered in affection. but today, none of that was playing in his head. he wanted, no, needed you, but he was just so tired.
“baby…” he breathed out while you felt his thighs twitch under your hips, aching to ground up against your crotch.
“do you want me to take care of you, rafe?” the sweetness laced with your words made his heart clench as he pulled his head away from your neck to look at you, blue eyes desperately pleading, cheeks flushed. fuck, he looked beautiful like this, needy with glossy eyes, his fingers harshly tightly into your sides without even realising it.
you let him hold you in whatever way he’d like, your hands finding their way to unbuckle his pants and tugging down slightly along his briefs until his cock sprung out, all heavy and hard, tip already leaking. you couldn’t help but wonder if you could make him cum in his pants, maybe some other day. it already looked like his cock was hurting enough.
“poor baby.” you cooed, words naturally coming out of you much to your surprise. your soft palms against his cock felt like heaven to him, and it was taking everything within him to not thrust up against your hands like something feral. he tried to relax on the mattress, leaning against the headboard as he breathed deeply, feeling your palm swipe up against his sensitive tip, rubbing slowly and lightly, as if barely even touching.
“fuck- stop teasing me.” he hissed through gritted teeth which soon dissolved into a choked moan when your thumb beginning to rub on his tip firmly, collecting the beads of precum before rubbing them down his length. the poor guy was literally trembling from pleasure, not having realised how much tension he had stored within him.
his hands continued to rest on your hips, clenching and tugging at your shirt to ground yourself as one hand of yours rubbed up and down his cock while the other rubbed against the swollen tip. his lips were parted, threatening to swoon as his hips began to involuntarily buck up, his mind feeling all bleary from the sheer bliss coursing within him.
“it’s okay, i’m here for you, and i’m really proud of everything you do for me, for us.” you reassured, unable to suppress a grin at the way his eyes rolled back into his skull at that, just so ecstatic to finally hear someone say that. he’d make sure to worship you fully after this, to kiss you all over, but for now this was all that mattered.
“shit, i’m so-” he couldn’t properly finish his words, whimpering out loudly as his eyes squeezed shut, chasing his orgasm. almost there, almost-
you pulled your hands away, his eyes flying up as he stared at you in shock, still sensitive and fuzzy from almost getting an orgasm. you could’ve sworn those were tears that welled up in those tired eyes of his as he grunted, shaking his head. “w-what, why?!”
“just hold on. patience.” you snickered to yourself, a seductive revenge for every time he’d done the same to you in the past. “you’ve to be a good boy for me or else you won’t be coming tonight.” you spoke as firmly as you could, your amusement still seeping in.
much to your shock, he didn’t retort or fight back, glaring at you as he chewed on his bottom lip. “please…” he croaked out, needily rubbing his denied cock against the front of your shorts. your hand gently smacks the top of his cock, earning a muffled noise from him. seeing him sensitive was surely one of your new favourite things now.
“fine… ‘cause you’re just so tired.” you cooed, lifting your hips up to gently take down your shorts and panties, rewarding him with the view of your pussy that he’d been yearning to see, all soaked. “see? you did this to me.” your fingers teasingly spread your slick folds apart, watching the way his eyes were practically fucking you hungrily alone from his vision.
“please…” he whined out, not even hiding all those pretty noises anymore. he was always loud, but never this pathetic. it was so endearing in a way. positioning your pussy on top of his cock, you slowly sunk in, moaning pleasantly as his girth stretched you out in the best way possible. his head lolled back, gripping your hips tight. fuck, he could just cum like this, already so close to explode.
your hips begin grinding against him teasingly, your walls tightening around him while you moved up and down, feeling his cock pulsating within your warmth. there was just something so special, so him whenever he’d start hitting all the sweet spots inside you with such ease. but something that was much sweeter was the fact that he was obediently taking it all, letting you ride him without him thrusting up into you greedily no matter how much he’d want to.
“you can cum in me, baby.” you encouraged him, causing his eyes to widen. his arms were wrapped around you as his head nuzzled into the crook of your neck, feeling you bounce up and down on his cock until he finally reached his peak, his cock twitching maddeningly, thick spurts of cum spurting within your pussy.
he panted heavily, sweat clinging to his forehead, not minding the way your hands began to take off his shirt so he could breathe freely, his chest all flushed. you didn’t pull away yet, letting his cock rest snugly inside you, his lips letting out an incoherent mumble as he clung onto you tight.
“i love you…” he lazily peppered kisses on your neck. drained out, but now in the best possible way.
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mokasredribbon · 3 days ago
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Despite always got hurt with replaced au, I still think it's weird how the brothers able to swoon to mc replacement so easily.
Mc has been with them the longest, so if There's let's just say, another human exchange student tried to replace them, it would be hard. Hell it would be near impossible even.
You saying, mammon, a demon who pried himself to be MC's first demon to make a pact with them, believe a random human that he barely cares of? My guy hates if something bad happened to MC and I keep seeing he's the one who make things bad to his first love?
Let's not forget, if R/n tried to 'manipulate' the bro's. Lucifer ain't gonna fall to such bullshit. Try to use magic? Who R/n think they're facing with? A bug?
Especially if R/n try to spread rumors when diavolo is near. He's literally a walking lie detector, he wouldn't let such BS slide, nor he even allow it. Why he so gullible in some of this replaced au fics 😭.
How about barbatos who can see the future and past? How his ability slipped so bad.
Other characters also wouldn't be that dumb. sure OM writing ain't top notch for their characters. But c'mon now, the effort that R/n need to make them fall to them is way more than Sisyphus ever did.
What's the conclusion of this yap? I love replaced au only if I feel like torturing myself. But in general, it's pretty weird that R/n able to bend the boys like they're demigod or something.
I hate replaced!au so much(they break my heart 💔💔) that I want to see a prompt where that new one that was supposed to 'replace' MC, fails so miserably while trying to take their place. Think about it, imagine it. Wouldn't it be funny? If anything like this happens in canon, it's gonna go like this I am sure.
R/n : *coquettishly trip on air in front of Lucifer*
Lucifer : *raises a brow and continues his walk, ignoring them*
I actually want to see a fic like this. If this kind of fic already exists, kindly please tag me 🙏🙏 if there isn't then, writers pls kindly take this idea of mine and do your magic 🤭 don't forget to tag me tho— I wanna read it.
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oh golly how do you make these things
jayvik tickle hcs because i can
(sparkle sparkle)
separate and then together, a few swears, one tiny suggestive bit on jayce’s
JAYCE
lee!
ohhh boy. jayce my bbaby. okay. so as a decently muscular man, hes gotta be at least a little ticklish.
i think his worst spots are probably the spots you can just latch onto and squeeze- thighs, ribs, knees, even shoulders.
my boy cannot take a massage. he has tried so hard but every single time he’s just a hiccuping snorty mess
speaking of hiccuping snorty mess. i think he has a lot of different laughs. when you get him really going it’s his usual deep belly laughter, loud and proud and so bright you’re gonna need sunglasses
but also i think if you have him for long enough his laugh changes pitch a lot. like it’ll go from low to super high, and he’s all like “hahahAHAHAHHHSGH OHGOD OH GOD OH GOHOHOD” and oough. bbg
if it’s less intense, he’s not really one to giggle, but he definitely hiccups. he scrunches his face all up and jerks around and flinches and snorts and covers his mouth with the back of his hand and.. ghrhrgh.. im going insane guys
i think he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t squirm too much but arches his back a lot. he doesn’t squirm back and forth, but he’s always folding like a lawn chair, forwards and backwards
with his hiccupy/snorty laughter, he’ll go silent for a few seconds, and his shoulders just bounce as his whole body shakes, face absolutely BURNING red
oh yeah and he’s a blusher. bigtime. he gets a little flustered at the fact he can get plucked apart so easily by something as silly as tickling. he doesn’t think its childish, per se, but certainly not something a grown man should be This weak to.
..and yeah, he likes it. he’s embarrassed about it, but won’t necessarily deny it. he kind of has a thing for going all dumb and happy and brainless. just made into a smiley little puddle of jayce
oh and his smile. i know these hcs are already so freaking long but his smilee he is always grinning. even just a poke and he’s already got a big dumb smile. he is literally the sun when being tickled, it’s absurd
i didnt even get into soft tickles yet what
okay so we all know his abs are sensitive. i think he might just die at some gentle fluttery fingers. same with his sides and back
hear me out. behind the knees. oh and biceps. and the underside of his arms in general. and his forearms. none of them are too bad, but he’ll still squirm a little if you just slowly trace your fingers over them
post-season-2(SPOILERS KINDA??) his wrist his mad sensitive from the crystal embedded in there.
all of his scars are sensitive too. i don’t think he has too many, but the ones he does have are Big and also very ticklish <3
all in all i think he’s very sensitive. he’s the type to be flinching and squirming at things that aren’t even supposed to be ticklish, like god this man cannot take a tummy rub. if someone’s hands are on him in a sensual manner he can’t hold back tiny little giggle-huffs.
whenever anyone’s hands are on his bare skin in any soft manner, he’s. he can’t. he is too ticklish to survive on this earth
okay im gonna stop myself there or im gonna be ranting for seven more paragraphs
ler!
this little shit oh my god
okay no i take that back. i feel like he would be a smug cocky little shit, but not always.
im sorry, i have to say it, engineer hands
i have less ler hcs than i do lee hcs for him but i do think he would be absurdly switchy. he’s the type of guy to just poke people at random whenever he’s bored or to prove a point
has a habit of digging. he’ll find a nice meaty spot and just squeeze it lighting fast for about a second and then give you a teensy little break before doing the exact same thing again
he can be a little merciless though. he doesn’t realize just how good he is at tickling, he just thinks everyone who he tickles is mad sensitive
its hilarious though. he’ll be like “How did I never know you were this ticklish?!” and the lee will be like I DIDN’T KNOW EITHER HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS-
his hands are going all over the place, too. if he has a really handsy/squirmy lee, he’ll just keep switching spots every time they go to defend something. arms glue to their sides? okay, he’ll switch to their knees. legs pull up? okay, neck now. shoulders scrunch? ooh, armpits are fun!
he is such a menace and doesn’t even realize it
he’s crazy playful. mostly back in academy days, but if you can get close enough to him as the man of progress, and he has some free time, he’s so freaking playful its wonderful
he thinks its fun, and he likes seeing people’s stress just melt away. he will get a little worried if you tell him to stop, though, and pulls back a little if you do. he doesn’t wanna hurt you or make you uncomfortable.
definitely pokes people a lot but doesn’t actually engage in full attacks all that often. usually he has to be pretty close friends with someone to do that.
he’s very gentle with viktor when he tickles him, sometimes a little too gentle. it’s agony
VIKTOR
lee!
okay im gonna say it now before the thought leaves my brain. ticklish ears
he’s a lot more keen to light tickles as rougher stuff just kinda hurts a lot of the time or gets him really overwhelmed
tbh if you wanna get him bad, tools are probably best bet. rough tickles with hands are a little too much, but get a feather or a pen or a brush and Hoo boy you’ve killed Viktor.
i don’t actually think he’s all that ticklish. like he is but he isn’t? he’s sensitive but not hypersensitive, i guess.
except for his bad spots. i think its more of a thing where he’s not too ticklish in most places but his bad spots get him writhing.
of course i’m obliged to say neck, ears, jaw, back.. the works. i think his stomach has the potential to be sensitive but he’s a little too skin and bones for it to really impact him.
he has a lot of vaguely unusual spots. his wrists and palms are sensitive, i think his scalp is even a little sensitive. he doesn’t like people playing with his hair for that reason
if not for his brace i’d say his back and spine especially would be real bad. without his brace, just tracing a line all the way up his spine has him jerking forward so hard sometimes he falls over. and absolutely spits out any drink he may be drinking. i mean it feels like stars bursting all the way up his back, okay?? so tingly
he’s the type to hold his stomach when laughing really hard, just in general
he’s also a big snorter, but he uhm.. he has a very maniacal laugh. it’s literally just like- a whole villain laugh. absolutely terrifying.
i think he’s a lot less sensitive than jayce in theory, but in practice he’s a lot less used to it and very squirmy
so squirmy. very slippery. i wouldn’t quite say nimble, because of his leg, but- at the very least very good at escaping.
definitely the type to go straight for his ler’s sides to get them off him. he panics and just squeezes. usually it works but sometimes it doesn’t
i think he has the potential to be a giggler. idk though. he wouldn’t have bubbly giggles as much as he would have really breathy, huffy giggles. silent giggles are another big thing
i think he’s very neutral on the whole concept. he has to be in the right mood and it has to be with someone he trusts with his life.
feather-ticklish bastard. trust me on this
ler!
idk about you guys but viktor talking like he’s documenting an experiment while tickling someone? oughhrgrh.
im usually not one for teases but aaugrgghgrgr.
his hands are absurdly nimble, so while he can commonly be overpowered by his lee, he’s still a slippery bastard and somehow manages to slip into all of someone’s worst spots
i’m kinda stealing this hc from someone else, but i think he is very good at predicting/guessing someone’s weak spots. “HOHOW DID YOU KNOW I-“ “oh, i just guessed. not very hard, you know.” gggggraagg
i really can’t explain just how evil he is. those nimble hands of his are all over someone in seconds, spidering and digging into every single spot and switching at lighting speeds.
very good at tickling people, i think. him and jayce are on a pretty even playing field for that
i have such a distinct idea of what ler!viktor would be but for some reason i just cant explain it with words.
TOGETHER
oh these two. these two. i’m.
they are so switchy it’s scary. tickle fights with these two are not tickle fights, they are strategic tickle wars.
viktor tickles jayce out of stress a lot. jayce is definitely the type to get overwhelmed with stress and not tell anyone, literal king of masking, but ofc viktor sees through it in seconds and wrecks him until he admits what’s wrong. and then viktor wrecks him some more so he can forget about it for a little while
they’re always teasing eachother. on energetic days they’re both so playful with eachother, and they’ll be poking eachother around the lab all day until one of them cracks and launches an attack
they wreck eachother just to prove a point sometimes.
jayce has a habit of getting viktor when he’s being too cocky or sassy. viktor has a habit of getting jayce just because he feels like it.
jayce tickles viktor when he’s bored, he’ll pick up a quill and flutter it against the back of viktor’s neck while he’s ranting about something.
they get revenge a lot, but then they get revenge on the revenge, so it’s kind of.. a cycle
they know eachother’s boundaries like the back of their hands, since they’ve known eachother so long they’re very good at knowing exactly when to stop and exactly what to do
they also pick up on eachother’s lee moods.. and ler moods sometimes. let’s just say jayce knows when to run when viktor gets a certain look in his eyes
aftercare with them is sickeningly soft. brushing hair out of faces, gently caressing skin, massaging eachother to get rid of some of the lingering tingles, all of it. they hold hands and press up next to eachother and ghhgh. even if its in a scenario where they aren’t dating, they still do all of this, and if someone questions it they just shrug. just two bros bein dudes, nothing to see here
i feel like these together hcs are so bad im sorry. it’s so early rn and im suffering Hunger. ill probably make more of these in the future if anyone is interested
feel free to shoot me an ask or two about them as well!!
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orangelemonart · 1 day ago
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what is your favorite arc in Naruto? i read something where someone explained the land of waves arc and how some of the themes were abandoned that Naruto hated how ninja was and he wanted to be the change but he did not do that - i did not finish watching shippuden i will but i don't care for spoilers and i wanna know what you think? and if you would change something to reflect back to the whole lets make a better world cause the one before us was terrible if you care about that kinda stuff
I used to feel that way. A million years ago, when the manga's war arc felt endless, I thought the series was abandoning all it's themes.
But after years of thinking way too much about this series, I believeJiraiya's "Quest For Peace" idea creates a through line from Land of Waves to the rest of the series and proves the themes WEREN'T abandoned. Putting this under a read more cause I rambled.
I'm sure the anime is worse because the war arc takes much longer there (I didn't watch the anime as is), so it really feels like we're losing the point for long stretches. But Naruto stays true to his feelings after the Zabuza and Haku stuff through the whole series. He refused to be a tool- his whole thing in that arc- when everyone was telling him to let Sasuke be executed, when they tried to keep him from the war, every thing or flashback about Nagato or Jiraiya's concept of a quest for peace. Hell it's WHY he was able to reach Obito. It's what he yaps about in every Talk-no-Jutsu
I think the entire series strongly supports that idea that Naruto would keep his vows to everyone he T-n-Jed about finding the best, least-violent solutions to conflict and oppression, all flowing from his Land of Waves experience. They're practically OVEREXPLAINED, not abandoned, that's why people make fun of T-n-J so much. And from what little I know about the spin-off series, his whole quest-for-peace/not-giving-up-not-being-a-tool/fix-everything/my-own-ninja-way is why he's busier than other kages, and why the antagonists are ninja moon aliens. Naruto is maintaining world peace, the only place left for villains is OUT OF THIS WORLD.
Anyway that's probably why the 5-Kage Summit is my favorite arc. A lot of (DUMB) people hate it because they think "well the whole village likes Naruto now, that should be the end of the series!", failing to realize Naruto's real goal has changed from being leader so everyone would treat him better, to being a leader who makes the world better for others. He spends that arc grappling with just how difficult that is through the microcosm of how he can't even do that for Sasuke, meanwhile Sasuke is dealing with the emotional ramifications of the cycle of revenge and CONSTANTLY being used as a tool by others. I think that arc strengthens the themes and character development.
I don't think it's perfect, of course. I think there's some muddiness in "not being a tool" and maintaining the ninja system. These things should have been addressed on a world-scale, not just a Sasuke-scale, after chapter 698. There should have been at least a cursory sentence about how Naruto as hokage is working hard to end oppression and cycles of revenge around the world, how even though he hasn't fixed everything, he isn't giving up or backing down! That's all it'd take, but nooooo we had dedicate the entire last chapter to introducing spin-off characters instead of addressing the themes of the series. The 5 Great Nations have more amicable summits, that's all we got.
I have a comic about what I would do differently, SOMEDAY I'll finish coloring it.... someday......
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deathmybride · 1 day ago
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*:・゚✧*:・゚✧ the earth from a distance | andrew hozier-byrne *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
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ship: andrew hozier-byrne x fem!oc
warnings: references to death, alienation
summary: Gráinne moved to Dunbur to escape her past, to live quietly and write, and wallow in all the grief she had acquired. Andrew has other ideas…
word count: 3663
a/n: dedicated to my beloved @ath3nasgard3n who came with me to see bogfather in concert and held me while I SOBBED to Abstract (Psychopomp), even though she had never listened to hozier before that night.
Also, the setting for this fic is the Old Wicklow Head Lighthouse in Dunbur, which is now a BnB that you can stay in.
How to pronounce Gráinne and Máire
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It began, as all good love stories should, with the death of a stranger. This time, it was the old lady who lived in the disused lighthouse by the battered shore, dying as the leaves turned to copper. I had lived in Dunbur for almost a year by that time, I never saw the heather part for any cars that might wind along the gravel path to the sea- but, then again, I was not watching for them. Either way, Lady, my poor MX5 was not built for such terrain and I could feel the scrub catching in sods under her chassis all the way down to the grass flat that had been designated as parking.
My gumboots squelched on the sopping turf as I hopped out, squinting at the pallid sun that tried so hard to reach me through the permanent duvet of cloud. It was a nice day by County Wicklow standards, no rain, minimal mist, and nearly, nearly sunny. The only reason to rug up was the damn wind billowing off the sea. I caught a gaggle of county gents eyeing Lady with appraisal while their wives loaded their cars with salvaged kitsch.
“She’s a beauty.” Mr Mulligan, the butcher- the most confident of the group- spoke up, peering out from beneath his tweed flat-cap with a face far too chipper for an estate sale.
“Ta.” I nod in thanks. “She’s old enough to order a pint.”
“What year?”
“‘99.”
“Ah, excellent year.” He said. I supposed it would be true if cars were like wine. “You’re a fine driver to get her up the back ass of nowhere, o’er all this shite.”
“Ta, just dumb luck, I reckon.” I moved to step away, but he cut in closer.
“We got ‘em lil’ cutlets in at the shop, I know they’re your favourite.”
“Ah, ya can’t fuckin’ get a word outta this one without him sellin’ ya some gobshite.” Mr Ronan, the newsagent spoke up with a roll of his eyes.
“Ahh, rev up ya bastard!” He aimed a light smack at his friend, and soon they were in playful fighting stances.
I took their rough-housing as my cue to retreat, finding their high spirits quite macabre and feeling grateful that the old lady’s family could not see them over the shallow rise.
The sale itself took place over the hillock and down in a scoop of grass a little ways away from the lighthouse. The townsfolk picked over fold-out camping tables laden with knickknacks and books, and a sparse supply of farm equipment and furniture on tarps nearby. I resolved to steer clear of there since Lady wasn’t known for her boot space, and I did not feel like calling in a favour from someone with an appropriate vehicle for the countryside. There was a dull hum of conversation hanging over the scene, and as I approached I must have murmured ‘hello’ and forced a smile for half a dozen of my regular customers. A few young men in black coats seemed to be dealing with the sales; grandsons of the deceased, I assumed.
I started with the books, finding a Folio Society copy of The Divine Comedy for a relative bargain,and- to my surprise- a few of Anne Rice’s Christian novels. I had little luck with anything else and was about to give up and go home, but something more caught my eye. It was a teddy bear with fur like lush, green grass. It had a curious face, with dark eyes and wide, brown nose that matched the brown on its paw-pads. Around its neck were four bells on a chain, each a different autumnal shade. Immediately taken by him, and spying a toddler staring at him with hungry eyes and grubby hands, I decided I couldn’t live without him and snaffled him up. The bells jingled pleasantly, and the fur was silky in my hands.
“Alright?” Someone sidled in beside me- Sue- the dumpy older woman who worked at the dingy smoke-and-gun shop down the street from the cafe where I worked.
“Hi.”
“Quer’n windy out, ain’t it?” Her eye contact was intense and probing.
“Aye.” I kept it brief. Once you got her talking, she wasn’t likely to stop.
“Cute.” She pointed to the bear, raising her brows. Her curiosity read phoney. “Bairns at home?”
“No. He’s for me.” I giggled in embarrassment, but she did not appear to be listening.
“Look at all this shite, would ya?” She picked up an admittedly hideous angelfish paperweight made of blue glass, sneering. “Hard to imagine such a proper woman would fill her gaff with this much cheap junk.”
“Mm.”
“You couldn’t move in that place for all the stuff.”
“You been in there, then?” Shit, she’s got me asking questions...
“Well,” She fiddled with her straw-blonde pageboy hair, suddenly self-conscious. “No, but you know that’s what its like, I mean look at it all.”
“Mmhm.”
“You know, I sold her fags.” She lifted her chin, prideful, yet almost disapproving. “Seven packs, each week on a Tuesday.”
“Maybe that’s what got her.”
I regretted the words as soon as they escaped my mouth, smiled tightly at her aghast expression and made a run for one of the young men dressed in black. This was a sad town, I reminded myself. A sad town, with sad gossip, and sad old ladies who die alone in bleak, majestic places full of items haunted by memory. What do I care if Sue starts spreading rumours?
The man served me quickly, seeming distracted. I wished him well and expressed sorrow for his loss. He thanked me in a robotic way, as if this were the hundredth time he was hearing those sentiments that day, and gave me a paper bag for my books. I took my cue to leave, hiking up over the rise to my car. As I went, my eyes strayed to the lighthouse. It burst up from the earth like the trunk of an enormous tree, though it lacked the natural curvature of wood, instead taking the form of an eight-sided prism. Ringed around the top was a deck with a railing just visible from such a distance. My feet slowed, suddenly intrigued by the memory held within the stones. I cast about a furtive glance. Nobody around, and all the patrons out of sight behind the slope. A closer look couldn’t hurt anyone, could it? Without another thought, I made a break for it, trying to walk swiftly without appearing to be hurrying in case the eyes I felt boring into me were not just a figment of my active imagination.
The gorse and heather grew all the way up to the base of the structure, which stretched high up above me in six tapering sections. I tilted my head back, I shielding my eyes against the glare. It was so tall, yet not even the domed top could scratch at the clouds. It was too windy to see the mist settle low enough to swallow the top, yet the idea of such a sight was glorious in my mind’s eye, like a tower from a fable. I wandered around the base, picking my way across the brush, until I came to the door. It was enormous and fortified, and appeared to be locked. I pushed on it hard, expecting nothing, but it swung in with a creak and a great feeling of resistance.
The surprise drew a gasp from my lips as I slipped inside. The inside seemed tiny in comparison, with low ceilings yellowed by years of indoor smoking. The inner walls were rounded, rough with crackled plaster and faded yellow wallpaper hanging off in sloughs. The air smelt of mildew and damp, and I noticed that the window at the rear was open in an attempt to flush out the smell. I crept over, laying my feet lightly. There was a book laying face down on the sill and a pair of reading glasses folded beside them. A chill ran over me at the realisation that these people may still be using this space.
Get out of here Gráinne, what the hell are you doing? I scolded myself internally as I abandoned my package of books and made a beeline for the stairs. You stupid woman, they’re gonna catch you! Sue’s probably told them all you spit on their grandmother’s memory by now!
The stairs ran openly up the walls of each floor, and I found myself gripping the iron railing as I climbed. They creaked and popped as they took my weight, the sound amplified by the empty stone interior. I saw that the second and third floors were as empty as the first, each showing signs of water damage and decay. The fourth floor was home to a frankly enormous four-poster bed that took up almost the whole room. The fifth floor appeared to be a bathroom, while the sixth was a kitchen. I was out of breath by the time I reached the top, and I had counted 109 steps from the ground floor.
As I bent over, holding my knees while I caught my breath, I noticed that in the corner there was a pull-down attic style door that hung open invitingly. It looked a tad rickety, and the fact that it was open at all should have read as suspicious, but the climb had taken a good five minutes and I’d be damned if I would leave without seeing the view from the very top. Gritting my teeth, I took the final climb, white-knuckling the rail as I popped my head out into the brightness. The wind howled against my ears, cutting through my beanie. I blinked my dry eyes against it, peering through my lashes and rubbing furiously against the sting.
“Hello, miss.”
Such a cheerful voice had never struck such terror in a person. A shock like falling galvanised my blood and before I had time to register what had happened, I had sprinted backwards down the stairs and stood frozen at the bottom. A beat passed, then he appeared, kneeling at the top of the trap door like a gargoyle: a young man with a soft face and a nest of dark hair poking out from beneath a knitted beanie. He seemed to be suppressing a smile, and when he spoke, it burst across his face with a giggly laugh.
“I see you down there.”
“Sorry!” I blurted out. “Sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think-”
“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” He put a hand over his heart in an old-fashioned gesture of sincerity. “I didn’t mean to frighten ya.”
“N-no, I shouldn’t be up here anyway, I…”
“Well, strictly speaking, no you shouldn’t. But I left the door unlocked, and if it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.” He tilted his head, offering a kinder smile than I deserved. “You’re not in trouble.”
“I-” I took a deep breath, trying to swallow my stutter. “Thank you for… understanding.”
He shrugged.
“S’alright. People get curious. It’s not like there’s much left to steal, anyways. Unless you think you can get that bed frame down the stairs.”
“I-I don’t think I could, no.” A nervous giggle found its way into my voice.
“Alas, neither can the movers. She’s a beauty though, ain’t she? Though I think I’ll have to burn some sage before I sleep in it. I’m not the creepiest thing in this place, I’ll tell you what. Banshees and spooks in every corner.” He seemed amused at my wide-eyed confusion. “You may need to sage the bear too. I think I see Aunt Máire’s ghost peepin’ out through its beady eyes.”
“Right…” He raised an eyebrow as I held the bear close to my chest.
“Sorry, I’m just messin.’”
“I know.” I said quickly, taking a tentative step back, eyeing the stairs. “Well, I’m gonna…”
“What? You’re not coming up?”
“I-I shouldn’t. I’ve already basically broken in.”
“Nonsense.” He shook his head, his smile almost exasperated. “You’ve climbed all this way, surely come out and have a look. I don’t mind, I promise. I’m invitin’ ya.”
In that moment it occurred to me that this was a stranger- albeit a kindly and handsome one, but a stranger nonetheless- and we were in a very secluded spot. He could be anyone. He could want anything. I felt my phone pressing on my leg from my jeans pocket. He put his hand up in surrender.
“I won’t twist your arm about it, but the door is open if you like. I’ll let you get on, or would you like me to walk you back down?”
“No.” I left myself no more time to think on it. After all, it was the middle of the day, and the folk at the sale could see us standing by the railing. “I’ll come up. If you don’t mind.”
“Of course.”
He moved aside obligingly, offering a hand to help me up. It seemed rude not to accept such an offering, and I could not say I regretted it. His hands were huge and soft, his grip firm but gentle. He kept hold of me for a beat longer than he needed, meeting my gaze with eyes narrowed against the glare. He was gorgeous up close, with down turned moss-green eyes that resembled those of a creature far older than any human, half hidden beneath thick, dark lashes. He smiled as he stood up, and as my stare dropped to his cherub lips I noticed his close cropped beard was auburn in the watery sunlight. He rose up, and up, and up, and soon he was towering over me like a beech tree.
“Wow, you’re tall.” I had to shout over the roaring wind.
He laughed. A husky sound that made his shoulders shake.
“Aw, and you’re such a tiny ting, I feel like I owe you a couple inches.” Instantly, he blushed. “That’s not what I- uh- oh, forget it.”
He tore off his beanie and buried his face in it. Bubbling up from the depths of me, for reasons unknown, was some of my old sense of humour.
“Well, I wouldn’t say no…”
“Ugh, inappropriate, missy!” He swatted at me with his beanie, then sniffed in mock offence. “You don’t even know my name.”
“Hey! You’re the one who started on about all your inches…”
“And I do have a few.”
“See what I mean? Unbelievable.”
He rolled his eyes, then contained himself no longer and let loose his infectious laughter. Soon enough, I was in bits. When we could both hold a straight face, he leaned in and offered me a handshake.
“I’m Andrew, by the way.”
“Gráinne.”
“Gráinne” He leaned in as he spoke, the sound softening as it passed through his mouth. The ‘r’ rolled gently like the crest of a wave into the breathy final syllable, and the name I once found so masculine and harsh sounded like a prayer to my ears. “Borrowed name for an English girl.”
“Not borrowed,” I sniffed, suddenly protective of the name I once considered an unflattering mouthful, and embarrassed at my obvious lack of an accent. “I’m a quarter Irish on my father’s side, if you believe in splitting yourself into fractions. It’s my great grandmother’s name.”
“I apologise for my rudeness.” Again, he put his hand on his heart. I had to stand close to hear his soft tone as the gale whipped my face. “I was only surprised. Gráinne isn’t such a common name these days, which is a shame ‘cause I find it quite beautiful. Do you speak any Gaeilge?”
I shook my head, heat marring my cheeks.
“If you fancy learning, I’m your man. These courses…” He shook his head. “They teach you how to speak it, but they can’t help you with the feeling.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.” I would be lying to myself if I denied the thrill of excitement I felt at the prospect of getting to know him in some small way.
“I certainly hope so.” He took a step back and gestured broadly. “Such a view is surely incentive enough.”
I looked around, realising that in my fascination with this sprite of a man, I had failed to take in my surroundings. One one side, the prairie hills rolled gently out toward the horizon, marbled in a thousand shades of green, brown, bronze, even pink and yellow where the gorse and wildflowers grew dense through the grass. Clusters of trees and scrub broke up the smooth flow of the turf, crosshatched with paths carved out by hares and foxes. Further out, I saw a sparse gathering of cottages, and an ivory freckling of sheep over the surrounding hillside.
We wandered the circumference of the deck, looking down first upon the rows of reliable utes, and one fragile sports car; then, at the people milling around the tables like tiny crabs on a beached porpoise. Finally, we regarded the stark, white shape of the new lighthouse and control centre; unnatural, yet homely against the shore. Down there, the brilliant tapestry of colour gave way to grey stone that formed jutting structures along the shore, growing smaller and smaller until they reached the small stretch of beach that must have been made from gravel, or even coarse sand. The sea there was deep grey, roiling with pale breakers that threw up jets of foam as they crashed against the rocks. Above the water, yet still strangely beneath us, grey gulls wheeled on the wild wind. Their cries carried over the roar of the sea, reaching us on a breath of sharp, briny air. I inhaled deeply, feeling the spirit of this ancient place come into me, cold and fresh.
“It is… beautiful. Do you mean you’d teach me up here?”
“If it was a bit less windy, yeah.” He scrunched his nose. “Otherwise, I’m renovating the kitchen in the next few weeks. Once its done up and not so decrepit we could use that.”
“So, this really is your place, then?”
“Aye. And about a hundred acres worth of peninsula. The workers at the new lighthouse have right of way, of course, but whatever. It’s a good deal.”
“Wow,” I allowed myself an awed gasp. “You inherited all that?”
“Well, my cousins did.” He itched the back of his neck, as if about to confess to an embarrassing fact. “They were gonna put it on the market and split the money, so I said I’d buy it sight unseen if they come down to help me clear out all the stuff.”
“Wow. How can you afford all that as such a young age?”
“I’m older than I look.” He admitted with an awkward laugh. “But younger than my soul, ma says.”
“You’ve been here a few time before?”
“More’n a few, I’d wager.” He turned his glittering eyes to me. “You don’t seem new either. We’ve probably met before, once upon a time.”
“You’d think I’d remember someone like you.”
“Ah, I’d say the same about you.” I did not miss the redness on his cheeks. “Memory is a fickle thing. Anyway, I can afford this place because I lead a charmed life. I work hard, yeah, but luck has so much to do with it. You collect your share of four-leafed clovers growin’ up ‘round here.”
“You’re from Dunbur?”
“Newcastle, up the coast a ways.”
“I might have driven through on my way to Dublin.”
“Might’ve.” He checked his watch. “Sorry, I better get back to the vultures.”
He strode over to the stairwell, and I took it as my cue to follow.
“Oh, you can stay up there as long as you like.” He assured me. “Just make sure you lock the door on the way out.”
“Oh, no, I better go home myself. Dinner to cook, laundry to do…”
“It never ends, does it?”
“Mm-mm.”
We made our way down, moving quickly as he took two stairs at a time. He reached the ground before me, but I found him waiting for me with an amused look on his beautiful face and my book bag under his arm.
“Sorry, I forgot about your poor, tiny legs.”
“Rude.” I tried to take my bag from him, but he was already digging through it.
“What have we got in here… The Anne Rice novels, very nice, and oh! The Divine Comedy! Have you read it before?”
“No, never.”
“You’ve got to.” He handed it over with gravitas. “Do not let this gather dust. Read it, it’ll change your life.”
“I will.”
“Good.” He glanced over his shoulder as we stepped outside, pulling the enormous door closed behind him. “Alright, I’ve gotta run, but it’s been lovely to meet you.”
“You too.” I was about to let him go, but I wanted to see him for just a moment longer before he dissolved like mist. “Oh, Andrew?”
“Mm?”
“I’m… sorry, for your loss.”
“Thank you, but I never really knew her. She was the black sheep of the family, a title I’m happy to inherit. One day, I’ll tell you all about it.” Gently, he tapped my elbow with the back of his hand, a gesture that set my skin alight. “I’ll see ya round, Gráinne.”
“Bye.”
He waved as he left, the ever present smile still lingering on his lips. He turned to me again when he reached the crest of the hill and waved once more. I waved back, and when he disappeared over the rise, I bounded over to watch him walk away. One more time, he turned, as if he sensed me watching, and lifted his hand over his head.
“Gráinne.” I whispered, trying to match his lilting cadence. “Gráinne, Gráinne…”
I knew then that my name would never sound as sweet again, and wondered how much more exquisite it would be were it to pass from those budded lips in a sigh of bliss.
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everliving-everblaze · 3 days ago
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Fitz's characterization is so interesting and so hard. He's both very kind AND a bit of an entitled jerk, and most people only manage to capture one of the two.
I think this is well-illustrated in the first few chapters of the series. Fitz and Sophie spend a lot of these chapters rolling their eyes and sniping at each other, because they both have an attitude about the whole thing. In particular, Fitz has his attitude about elvin superiority, and Sophie immediately responds to that negatively.
He'd never heard of Albert Einstein? The theory of relativity was dumb? She wasn't sure how to argue. He seemed so ridiculously confident—it was unnerving.
On the other hand, it's very clear that Fitz's heart is in the right place (or at least, a well-meaning place). He has his attitude of elvin superiority, but he's thrilled to welcome Sophie into it as well.
Fitz nudged her arm. "Hey. It's not your fault. You believed what they taught you—I'm sure I'd have done the same thing. But it's time you knew the truth. This is how the world really works. It's not magic. It's just how it is."
(And undoubtedly, he's right. He would have believed what he'd been taught—he did, just different beliefs!)
The thing is, Sophie doesn't particularly want to jump aboard the elvin superiority train that he's so excited about.
"Well, it's like you're saying, 'Hey, Sophie, take everything you've ever learned about anything and throw it away.'" "Actually, that is what I'm saying." He flashed a smug grin. "Humans do the best they can—but their minds can't begin to comprehend the complexities of reality." "And what, elves' minds are better?" "Of course.
Fitz reads as a total jerk with what he's saying! He's completely ignorant of the fact that his belief that humans are stupid and evil is like, gonna hurt Sophie's feelings. Because that's what he's been taught!
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Fitz's character is hugely about prejudice, about people who believe what they are taught, even though it's wrong. And his character is about those people who then have to relearn their beliefs!
Fitz makes so much progress throughout the series in combating his own prejudice, largely through befriending Sophie. His character arc is one of my absolute favorites from any media, ever. I've gone through a lot of the same things he has, having to learn about prejudice and deal with my own biases, the lies that I was taught. His character is very meaningful to me!
But I think that's a piece that so often gets missed when people try to capture Fitz's character. Some people only see the bad parts and choose to portray him as totally evil. Some people focus on the good parts and portray him as more of a victim.
But I don't think either interpretation is totally right. Fitz is nuanced. He means well and truly tries to be kind within his worldview, and once he truly starts to realize his worldview is bad, he works on it! That's way more than a lot of people do. But he he makes a lot of mistakes along the way.
That's a fascinating, relevant character. And that's why he'll always be one of my favorites.
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j0kb0x · 2 days ago
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Since guts and blackpowder gives us free range for the characters here’s some personal headcanons for their personalities and lives given you can only psychoanalyze them so much. This is as realistic as I can make it based off surface level psychoanalysis + untrue garbage I made up.
Barry:
Despite his short temper (Typical brit) Williams is socially inept and shy. Like super timid. That dumb little softboy persona he has going on there shouldn’t be an indicator that he isn’t dangerous. Dude literally got trained as an infantry solider. He doesn’t want to hurt people, in fact, he avoids it when he can. The war is needless to him and he doesn’t understand why they’d draft someone like him — a lowly stableboy who’s quite known in his village for treating his horses and farm animals like his babies. His overly affectionate and polite personality (which came directly from his overbearing mother) has landed him a lot of bullying by his peers. Aforementioned hesitation to the enemy, but to zombies? He’s under the belief they’re from satan himself like the rest of the world. Afraid of them, but feels a spiritual duty to slay God’s enemies.
Jean:
He’s overly paranoid of Napoleon failing, and holds those french revolutionary beliefs. He wants Napoleon to win, so badly. He really doesn’t want his children living in a world with a stupid monarchy eating better than they do. Jean has no comprehension that maybe Napoleon isn’t the best fit for a country’s leader, in fact he’ll yell at you if you suggest otherwise. His wife died during childbirth and this, coupled with war has hardened him. He has never laid a single hand on his children because his father was deeply abusive, and of course this resulted in a pretty pessimistic, sad, depressed mess of a man. Constantly wanting better and yet fearing the worst. He’s a tough love kind of fatherly friend. Eat your damn rations or you will die. Speaking of which he literally wants to die :D
Jacob:
If this were modern day he’d be legally blind. His clumsiness isn’t the result of stupidity. The direct opposite in fact. He overthinks his job way too much and couple that with his dogshit eyesight, it’s no wonder he has a track record of being the napoleonic war’s personal south park Kenny. If ever a cartoon were made, I could l definitely see him in the background nailing in stakes incorrectly and getting confused as to why it wasn’t as affective as the other sapper’s. He has two sisters back at home and they hate him. They’re pro-monarchy, he isn’t. He raised and took care of these awful pieces of shit. Who were independent thinking teenagers by the time their parents died of sickness. So he couldn’t really influence them even if he tried. He has largely remained non(?) un(?) courted and unmarried his entire life. Hes a huge wine mom induced by stress and if you ever asked him why he never took a wife, he’d start spontaneously crying probably. Sad drunk. Cannot show emotions unless he’s drunk.
Karl / Unnamed Officer:
Selective mutism, ambition.. Way too much ambition. He wants to take down Napoleon himself and even fully believes he’s capable of doing so. Wants to cheat his way above the ranks somehow. He hides this and refuses to reveal his intentions to virtually anyone. Trying to get as close to the general as possible. Not because he agrees with the monarchy thing, but he just wants the fame and glory that comes along with executing him. The other men have horrible tempers but him? Holy. shit. He does not usually act upon his anger but as a wise man once said, “Silence speaks louder than words.” He silently judges those he’s angry at. Could imagine him getting teased, gripping a damn teacup so hard that it shatters in his hand and causes the entire room to go quiet. His whole regiment is batshit TERRIFIED of him. He refuses to betray his life story, let alone if he has any family. Nobody knows crap about him and that furthers the fear. Karl literally popped out of nowhere and his adorable babyface and gentle voice has won him the hearts of women wishing to be his wives… Whom he rudely pushed away in disgust. Has anyone seen that one scene in pootie tang where a woman is simping after him, and so he slips her a bowl of milk like a fucking clingy cat? Yeah I feel Karl would pull something like that.
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xxkissesforchanniexx · 20 hours ago
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𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐨 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭
Pairing: Chan x fem!reader (zombie apocalypse au) Word count: 1.2k Warnings: none
A/N: im trying to get back into writing so we're starting off small... real small but it's ok im almost done with some bigger works i want to get posted by the end of the week so... we'll see enjoy :)
Prev | Next
Chapter 5
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Seonghwa hit the ground. Hard. His ears were ringing. His body ached. He sat up slowly, eyes drawn to the blaze that illuminated his face and engulfed the building he'd just been in. An explosion..
It was an explosion.
An explosion. Just an explosion.
Then he heard the screams followed by a sound horror movies could only dream of recreating. The sound of tearing flesh and cracking bones.
Seonghwa turned to the sound.
it was on her, a young woman, no older than he was, her phone had fallen to the ground as she dialed 112..
The operator's voice came out muffled.
And that thing on her, bit her throat and tore the flesh from her neck.
Too stunned to speak or move he backed up slowly. More screams.
And one ran right past him lunging for a teacher who was calling the police. He scrambled to his feet.. and ran. Ran until he realized looking at one of those things biting people... it was his biology teacher. She turned to him and trilled softly before shrieking and making a mad dash for him.
Seonghwa didn't have time to scream before a man with big eyes and small lips swung a baseball bat at whatever had become of his teacher.
It fell to the ground writhing head backwards. Still making a weak attempt to crawl for the young men.
The man grabbed Seonghwa and wrenched him to his feet, shoving a headless gold club into his hands. "Don't breathe in the smoke! RUN!"
Seonghwa stared at the zombies roaming through the woods. Was it the explosion...
"Hwa.."
He looked over his shoulder at you, "Hey."
"You thinking of something.."
"No." Seonghwa shook his head before raising a brow at you. "What did you tell Chan?"
"As much as he needed to know.." you sighed.
"Which is?"
You looked at him. "Not the whole truth-"
"Y/n!"
"Do you want him to think we're murderers?" You whisper shouted. "We're already on the rocks with him Hwa! One mess up and he could kick us out or worse."
"It's not that different..."
"What?"
"You're a human being! You made mistakes but you'll live! He's not Hongjoong. He's not going to kill you for looking at him the wrong way." the man hissed angrily.
Jisung perked up from the bushes so suddenly Seonghwa pointed his rifle at him.
"Woah!" The chubby cheeked man put his hands up. "IT'S ME! CALM DOWN!"
Seonghwa exhaled slowly, and lowered his gun. "what?"
"I found a boar. We can head back now.."
You nodded.
As you began walking back to the base, Jisung turned his head looking at a tree.
"What is it?" You asked, leaning back to look at what he was staring so intently at.
There was a mark in the bark of the tree. A very deliberate mark. Carved in the shape of a compass looking object.
"it's nothing!" Jisung smiled at you. "Something I made a while back."
Seonghwa glanced at you. He's lying.. his expression screamed.
"It's nice." You said, patting Jisung on the shoulder before glancing at the taller man, your eyes shouting Trust him! back.
You returned to the base to find Hyunjin running away from Minho as the latter chased him with a fork.
"Y/N!" Hyunjin hid behind you, peeking around you as Minho tried to find a way around you to stab him.
"CALM DOWN!" You tried to calm the older man but he sprinted around you, sending Hyunjin squealing like a little girl as he ran away from you and down the hall.
You pursed your lips. "Wh-"
"Hyunjin called him dumb." Seungmin said simply.
You snorted.
Jisung ran after Minho and Seonghwa shook his head before sitting at the table looking at what Changbin was working on.
"ENOUGH!" You heard Chan bellow, they'd woken him up it'd seemed.
Both Minho, Jisung, and Hyunjin tore through the hall running for their lives as a very angry, very sleepy Chan stood at the entrance to the hall, slipper in hand.
You tilted your head at him.
He looked at you and lowered the slipper. "You guys catch anything..?"
Yeosang bit his lip. "You know we can't be out right now Wooyoung."
"When else would we talk about it? San breathes down my neck all day. Hongjoong and Eunbi are keeping you close like a dog in the evening." Wooyoung put his head in his hands and rubbed his face.
Yeosang looked at his hands. "I thought they were dead... I thought-"
"You thought wrong!" Wooyoung snapped. "Think about it. Would Y/n just really jump into a river moving that fast without a plan?!"
"He was going to kill them!"
Wooyoung bit his lip and looked at Yeosang. "They saved our lives multiple times. Why want them dead..."
"You know Hongjoong-"
"But what about the others. Mingi. San!"
Silence.
"You know you're the only person who can make San see reason."
"We need to send them a message... That Eunbi might know where they are. And that they need to run before Hongjoong gets to them."
"He would never hurt Y/n."
"But he might kill Seonghwa." Wooyoung looked at the hallway.
"How will we reach her?"
"The plane... they want it.. We'll be there."
"Be where?" a soft voice said.
Both men jumped.
"Eunbi!" Yeosang grabbed his chest.
"Why are you so scared?" She tilted her head. "Discussing something you shouldn't? Past curfew?"
Wooyoung resisted the urge to swallow in fear. "No... just talking about.. Y/n. We'll be there at the plane." He glanced at Yeosang.\
"To help Hongjoong catch her and that traitor...." the other man added.
"I see.." She smiled.
Both men directed their gaze to the ground to avoid staring at the scarring on her face.
"Get to bed. I won't tell Hongjoongie of your... meeting."
Wooyoung nodded as she turned away. "G'night Eunbi.."
"Goodnight boys."
Thhe two men looked at each other before walking to their separate rooms.
"You can't be serious." Chan brushed his fingers over the compass mark and looked at Minho, Jisung, and Changbin.
"it's fresh." Jisung said shaking his head.
"She's looking for us." Minho bit his lip and glanced at Changbin.
"Let her come then." The muscular man said in almost a growl.
"Changbin.." Chan looked at his friend. "Next time she's not gonna miss. It's not worth the risk."
"How do you know she doesn't want to apologize...?" Jisung started. "And join us again..."
"You think she'll be happy to see Y/n and just want to join us with another girl?" Chan growled.
Jisung looked down.
"She can take this." Minho pulled out his knife and stabbed the carved compass, slashing it across the face. "We got the damn message."
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venomhound · 2 days ago
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Hazbin Hotel - Signs they Got a Crush: Vees DLC
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I wrote two of these characters along with the original post then just went 'ah fuck it' and decided to make a Vee dedicated post. So here are some dumb headcanons about how Valentino, Velvette, and Vox act when they start getting crushes.
My other 'Hazbin Characters Crushing' post can be found >>HERE<<
Contents/WARNINGS: Gender neutral reader; Valentino's section is a giant sexual harassment lawsuit; other then that, they all just really suck at this whole 'feelings' thing (18+), MDNI, NSFW below the cut ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
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Valentino ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧
Valentino also falls into the 'not subtle' category. Not like he actually tries or anything. As far as he is concerned, its just a matter of time before you like him, if you don't already.
What little concept of personal space Valentino had goes right out the window. Your space is his space now.
Constantly has one of his hands on your shoulder, an arm wrapped around your shoulders or waist, or is just generally circling you like a predator. If for some reason he can't touch you, he sure as heck isn't leaving your personal bubble.
When you sit down, Valentino sits right next to you, with your sides/hips touching. That is, if he isn't just pulling you to sit in his lap instead. Thinks his lap is the best throne in the land and is always patting a hand on his thigh, offering for you to sit there.
The other thing Valentino does constantly, regardless of if you accept or not (or even if your comfortable with it), is ask you to come "supervise" his porn shoots.
You get the feeling its less 'supervision', and more he wants you to be there for him to tease and/or use as a toy during said shoot.
If you actually work in the porn industry, Valentino will say the reason he wants you to be there is so you can help him 'teach' some of his actors. If your not in the porn industry, Valentino will say he just wants some 'outsider' perspective on his films. Its all bullshit obviously. Valentino just wants you in his lap looking pretty while his dick is hard.
The other big thing (which I've mentioned before but its just a hard headcanon of mine okay), is that Valentino starts sweet talking you in Spanish. When he gets comfortable with someone, it just becomes natural for him to start slipping back into his native language.
Most of the time, its Valentino just mumbling something teasing under his breathe in a language you cant even understand. Other times he is a bit bolder and will whisper something absolutely nasty in your ear. You have no idea what he actually said, but Valentino's tone and proceeding chuckle definitely made you shiver.
Valentino will also start using more casual petnames like cariño (darling, sweetie) or gatito/gatita (kitten) when talking to you. Valentino is very partial to using these types of names with those who he endears in general. If your wondering, yes; he has called Vox 'my gatito' before.
SUMMERY: 🦋 Is always touching you in one way or another 🦋 Wants you sitting on his lap 24/7 🦋 Invites you to come ""supervise"" his porn shoots 🦋 Starts speaking to you in Spanish more; uses Spanish nicknames for you
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Velvette ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧
She talks about you. Alot. Velvette won't even realize when this starts to become a habit. She just... kinda does it. Velvette will just randomly bring you up in conversation and things will constantly remind her of you. You two dont even have to interact much and Velvette will still find ways to tell stories about you.
This is why everyone is going to know about her little crush before you do. Velvette hardly praises anyone, not even the other Vees. So her talking about you like you two are besties makes everyone turn their heads.
This one might seem condescending at first, but trust me, its just Velvette not knowing how to flirt to save her life. Velvette will start complimenting you but at the same time trying to fix you. So it comes across as some weird backhanded compliment.
Some examples of what Velvette will say when she sees you: 🎀 "Oh! Your hair is SO on point today, darling! Hmm... You know what outfit I think would look even better with it?" 🎀 "That is SUCH a cute hairpin. And EARRINGS!! But--uh. Huh. I think a lower necklace would look better, don't you?" 🎀 "That jacket really suits you! But you need a little something to bring out your eyes... Your eyes always shine when you have something blue on ya."
Stalks you on social media. Kind of a given. Velvette tries to be super careful about it and not give herself away since she is literally the social media queen. She is too scared to actually tag you in anything but will comment on your posts once and awhile.
Velvette will also go through your entire timeline by the way. The moment you start to suspect something is up is when Velvette accidentally likes a post from 5 years ago.
Or it happens when the two of you are talking one day and Velvette references a post you made as if it just happened. You give her a weird look and tell her that post was from like, three years ago. Velvette's normally blasé demeanor cracks and she has to excuse herself to go scream.
If your also a social media person or creative in anyway, Velvette will ask for your feedback constantly. She will send you drafts of her posts before they go live and ask what you think. If Velvette is feeling particularly brave (or is drunk enough), she might send you a fake thirst trap post for some ""feedback"". ¬‿¬
She will use you alot for brainstorming, particularly at night or when she is drunk. Velvette will just text you a bunch of raw, unfiltered ideas for posts or new design ideas. It doesn't even matter if you respond. You'll just wake up some mornings with 100+ unread messages. Yes; Velvette does expect you to go through all of them and tell her what you like and don't like.
I think, deep down, Velvette wants a s/o who isn't just a romantic partner, but a business one too. A real partner in crime if you will. So her constantly throwing ideas at you and asking for feedback is her way of testing you. Seeing if you can match her creativity and energy.
SUMMERY: 🎀 Brings you up in casual conversations with other people. Constantly gets reminded of you. 🎀 Gives you compliments; but tries to fix you at the same time 🎀 Stalks you on social media. Has your entire timeline memorized. 🎀 Asks you for feedback on her work and posts; uses you as an idea filter and tests your creativity
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Vox ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧
Honestly? The most surefire way you can tell Vox cares about you is that he makes room in his schedule for you. I'm not even talking just in a romantic sense here. If Vox cares about you at all, he will find time for you. Otherwise he will just be like 'I'm busy, shove it'.
The way you know if you've gone from a person in Vox's life that he values to him actually being head over heels for you, is if you suddenly are more important then his schedule.
When you text him 'are you busy?', instead of him asking why and seeing if he can fit you in somewhere, Vox just fucking drops everything, rushes over to you, and asks what you need.
Mr. ""Progressive"" here has no idea how modern flirting works. So he defaults to what he knows; old school 50s courting. Which honestly results in him desperately pining more then anything.
Jumps at the chance to pay for anything and insists on it. This is mostly due to residual toxic masculinity from the 50s. Back then the man always paid for everything and the biggest asset in dating was your ability to take care of a partner (aka, money).
So yeah. Vox is going to pay for everything and is going to use every opportunity he can to flex his wealth. While this behavior comes across very differently in todays culture, in Vox's head he is basically going 'I can take care of you so hard baby (。•̀ᴗ-)✧'
Takes any opportunity to be around you. Even if you two don't talk much (or at all), just being in your orbit is enough for him. Watches you from afar and takes mental notes of everything. Especially what makes you laugh. Vox swears that when he hears you laugh, he starts glitching out.
He also loves to see you working. Vox thinks your concentrated face is absolutely adorable. He will often opt to just watch from afar instead of approaching you and interrupting what your doing.
You know how I mentioned Vox notices everything? I mean it. He is hyperaware when it comes to someone he is crushing on. You will casually mention a show you like one time and Vox will bring it up again months later when he finally found the time to watch it.
In my opinion, this is the biggest, most glaring flag that is going to tip you off that Vox has feelings for you. Because it will just throw you for a loop sometimes. Vox will get you something in your favorite color, he shows up with your favorite drink, or the perfect coffee, and you don't even remember telling him that information.
So you side-eye him and ask how he knew the exact way you liked your coffee. Vox starts sweating bullets and lies that you two had a conversation about the 'proper' way to drink coffee. See, he remembers it specifically because he thought it was hilarious; its not surprising you don't remember it! It wasn't actually that special...
Of course, Vox is way too embarrassed to tell you that the real reason he knew the way you liked your coffee is because he remembered your exact order from the one time you two got coffee together weeks ago.
Vox is honestly just a puppydog when he is crushing. He really wants your attention but has no idea how to actually get it without fucking it up. And he is so afraid of fucking it up.
SUMMERY: 📺 Sets his entire schedule on fire if you need him 📺 Spends money like its water. Never brings up you paying him back or the cost of anything unless its to tell you not to worry about it. 📺 Always seems to be around you. Watches you from afar 📺 Remembers everything; notices small details about you
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FURTHER READING ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧
For an adorable Vox love realization, check out >>this post<< by @bad-and-drawn-that-way
I also highly recommend >>this post<< by @gargoy-ross on what each of the Vee's ideal s/o would be like
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yanderedrabbles · 2 hours ago
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Yandere soldier with Stockholm syndrome
Part Two of Yandere Soldier
Yandere Soldier - Stockholm Syndrome
Yandere! Solider who can't get you to talk to him. You'll sit curled in the corner of the bed, resolutely looking anywhere but at him.
Yandere! Soldier who brings you books, flowers, even old picture albums he finds stashed at the bottom of your cupboard. And still nothing but silence.
Yandere! Soldier who's beginning to think nothing will ever break it. That he's stilled that vicious tongue of yours forever. Who hates himself for what he's done, but what choice did he have? Yes, he's taken you from your home and family and all that was familiar. But was an interrogation room really the better option?
Yandere! Soldier who comes home with a nasty cut all across his arm. Some dumb kid got smart and slashed him when his back was turned and now he's forced into recovery leave for a week.
At first, you just watch him struggle to change his bandages. But something about his injury, this reminder of mortality, sticks with you. You pluck the roll of bandages straight out of his hand and wrap his injury for him.
Yandere! Soldier who stays frozen while you work, terrified of frightening you away. Who basks in the intimacy of it - your bowed head, the delicate smell of your perfume, the pulse fluttering at your throat.
Yandere! Soldier who has to swallow and breathe before he can find his voice again.
Спасибо
Thank you.
You shrug and let go of his arm. Yandere! Soldier who hates to loose your touch. Who wants to pull you back and force you to cradle his face in your palms. But he doesn't want to ruin this tiny bit of progress.
Yandere! Soldier who fills the silence with his stories. Who tells you about his training, his childhood, the places he's been deployed to and how happy he was to leave them. Who teaches you words in his native language, even if you don't bother repeating them.
Yandere! Soldier who comes home exhausted and aching, who sprawls on the bed with a groan and instinctively reaches for you.
Yandere! Soldier who has to bite back a yelp of surprise when he feels your climb onto his back and straddle his waist. You slowly knead at his muscles, massaging away all the knots and tension and lingering aches.
Yandere! Soldier who has to stifle a moan because it feels so damn good.
Yandere! Soldier who finds you waiting at the door the next morning, still as quiet as a monk. He's immediately suspicious. Are you going to make a run for it? Instead you stand on your tip toes and press a quick, uncertain kiss to his cheek.
Yandere! Soldier who keeps touching the place you kissed him, even when it's hidden under his mask.
Yandere! Soldier who cooks you dinner most nights, even if he's dog tired, even if all you do is push it around your plate.
Yandere! Soldier who brings you news of the city and the war effort. The resistance is faltering, it's leaders hunted and put down like dogs. Part of him hopes the news will make you more pliant. Why fight the inevitable?
Yandere! Soldier who doesn't like the way your eyes get hard when he talks about the resistance, the way you clench your jaw and look away from him.
You mutter something and it takes him a moment to decipher it.
"I should be out there with them."
Yandere! Soldier who tries and fails to contain his anger. Who grabs your jaw and pulls you up to face him.
"If you were out there, you'd be dead. Can't you be thankful?"
You're quiet again after that and he stops bringing it up.
Yandere! Soldier who doesn't leave anything sharp around the apartment, but is still surprised when you ask him to trim your hair. He sits on the bed with you between his knees, carefully filtering the hair through his fingers. You're so close to him - willingly - that it makes him feel almost lightheaded.
Yandere! Soldier who carefully dusts the cuttings off you and is secretly pleased when you don't flinch away.
Yandere! Soldier who isn't sure how to react when you start greeting him at the door. At first he watches you warily, expecting you to bolt the second you can. But for some reason you don't and a part of him insists that you're starting to like it here.
Yandere! Soldier who exercises every evening, his shirt off and his black fatigues slung low on his hips. He likes it when you watch him and he'll usually throw in a few extra push-ups just to impress you. He complains that he doesn't have enough weight around for his workouts and you take to draping yourself across his back when he needs it.
Yandere! Soldier who finds himself craving you, even with your cold silence. Who is constantly aware of you around the apartment and has to force himself to look away.
Yandere! Soldier who turns off all the electricity in the dead of winter and claims it was damaged in the fighting. It's icy cold in old buildings like this and it doesn't take long for it to wear you down. Soon you're curled up against him, glaring at him to keep his hands to himself.
And he does, for the most part.
Yandere! Soldier who wakes up to you sobbing, your face pressed into his chest. He tries to soothe you, but you flinch away. You whisper between the sobs, sounding afraid and hateful and needy all at once.
"I love you..."
Yandere! Soldier who instantly understands what's happened. He's spent the better part of his life in war zones afterall, and it's more common than you'd think. Yandere! Soldier who secretly hoped for this outcome all along.
Yandere! Soldier who soothes you as best he can, stroking your hair until your sobs turn to whimpers. He presses his lips to your forehead and tells you to relax, that this was bound to happen, that's it's not your fault.
Yandere! Soldier who holds you in his scarred arms and knows that he's finally caught you, body and soul. Who says the words you long for but dread hearing.
я тоже тебя люблю
"I love you too."
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tumbleweedsthesecond · 20 hours ago
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Tophvan post yayy... I wanna explain why I ship it or whatever. Why its silly to me or like how I view their dynamic or whatever. This is gonna cringe so probably ignore this if you don't like tophvan I'm not trying to say its like the best ship in the world or they have a great dynamic or whatever I just wanna explain how I view them. This will probably sound delusional but yk whatever. Cringe and free I guess. Here's some old art
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Basically me going on their interactions sorta kinda plus my own headcanons.
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Okay so hc wise I've always kind of imagined they wouldn't get along in some way. For obvious reasons, Topher tries too hard and Ivan doesn't try at all. So obviously Topher would at least try to seem like he didn't know him s1 and I don't think he does really know him s1 I feel like they would've followed each other on Flipflop(gah I hate saying that) and Topher just didn't care to block him because he only has two followers and doesn't want to lose one. Anyway I think with s3 I imagine the bleacher creatures met during summer school mayhaps because they all failed gym or math or something? That's my hc on it. I think they do seem close? At least good friends I think that jackée Ivan and Topher are the three main(vlad and lizzie I still loveee but its harder to get a read on them they don't talk much) anyway I don't think that Ivan and Topher would immediately get along obviously Topher let loose more because he's happier with his friends but still I don't think its perfect obv. so going to actually get into the analysis now I yap so much
Cringe part
I think that based off lines of dialogue like "its a fuck no from me" "a simple no would've been fine Ivan" that Topher kinda keeps him grounded at least a little bit???? Ivan doesnt seem to retaliate I think he does sort of view Topher as the leader in a way. Because Topher talks the most and tbh he does seem a little bit bossy. There's also that one time that I immediately think of when I think tophvan the part where he looks over at Topher as if to see if its approved or not before he agrees with jackée.
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Like hes like 'is this funny? ' though it could be because he doesn't listen to jackée because female and he's a dumb teenage boy(throws tomatoes at him) I still think that its funny cause he doesn't even look at all the guys in the group to approve it first he just looks at Topher. you can tell by the animation
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Anyway before that I think these two do talk more off screen Ivan looks at him when the others don't (even in other scenes though I don't really think that's a big deal imo) okay full headcanon time I think Ivan knows about tophers supposed crush on joan. I don't think Ivan likes Joan but I think he was like "give it a shot because Topher or whatever 🙄😒' but I also feel like he had a bet that she wouldn't be any help. Don't get me wrong I do think ivans dumb obviously but I also do think he just doesn't like Joan. He doesn't full on hate her or anything just don't think he completely trusted her. He does trust her in the vip room thing he thought that was coll but he is also the first to say she ditched us straight up. Ivans very blunt
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We are standing in a closet!
Past that I think they do get closer or whatever afterwards. Kind of. We see them in the shower but I kind of ignore that episode and scene altogether so. That's not rlly a big thing I think abt so anyway
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Dumb thing incoming I think its also like the way they look at each other or whatever. Like. whatever dude. I think they'd be kind of sweet or whatever. I don't know. Idiots who caresbro.
Overall I think Topher is a complete idiot too like obviously that one scene where he gets bitten by the snake and jackée says to suck the poison out and Ivan sucks the snake because he's a stupid stupid idiot. Dumb. Tophers stupid too very stupid but that's why I think they're fun together.
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Forgot abt that scene where they highfive Topher laughs at ivans dumb jokes. They highfive. (I think Topher laughs way too hard at it like we get it bro. You think its funny. I would say it kinda sounds like forced like haha you're so funnyyy but that's probably a bit of a stretch 😔😔😔💔💔)Edit: I think he genuinely finds that stuff funny cause he's so stupid like bone high is not that funny he just has dumb humor. Anyway another hc I have Topher does like his jokes alot and at first I van laughs along with him but then Topher laughs too much so Ivan just like stares at him
Akso the thing where he sees Topher as the leader of the group I don't think that's too serious or anything I think its just like okay ill listen to you sometimes they're still a dumb high school friend group.
ALSO THIS ISNT ME TRYING TO BE LIKE ITS BETTER THSN OTHER SHIPS OR THAT "OH THRY HAVE SO MUCH DYNAMIC" they're background characters basically I just want to point out some canon stuff! Its fine if you don't ship them who cares anyway if anyone has any tophvan hcs please comment them I love seeing tophvan stuff!!!
Also I love all the bleacher creatures I'm ocifying them too.....sorry to single out the ship I just wanted to explain stuff
Also is this reaching? Probably but they're two characters with low screen time so. Shrugs
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jet-apologistmybadhomies · 19 hours ago
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complaining about viv ships will be mostly my opinion because i dont have much energy to make five essays on what issue each ship has (i will if someone is THAT interested tho)
[so i suppose i need to say that yall are allowed to ship what u want. i just wanna talk about how vivzipop fails to make me like any romance she has written which is very hard to do because i absolutely love ships even if they're not that deep or well written ]
so..
who told vivzipop she could write relationships.. because she REALLY REALLY cant.
the only ship thats fine rn is m&m and we know what issues that has (Millie even tho its slowing being fixed but lets not ignore that dumb camp episode)
Angel dust and husk.. i like but not because they're good but because i made up a version in my head
like lets make a quick count of the ships
Charlie and vaggie are the most boring couple i have ever seen to the point i wont even bother talking about how vaggies whole ' whats the point if i cant help her' stuff they have going on
vortex and Beelzebub have the biggest issue of power equality to the point that Beelzebub is literally involved in the horrible treatment houndogs get making them the real "oppressor + oppressed" ship
ozzie and fizz talk to each other really weird and treat fizz like hes a baby and they generally have this very 2020 yaoi vibe with yes some good moments that i sadly have to ignore because Everytime they're on screen i cringe.. and guys i. dont. cringe. u really have to try HARD to get me to cringe
bilz and stolas have so much potential but that dumb childhood episode ruined it. they tried to make it unproblematic and took all the stuff that made it so interesting out so instead of two characters changing to make their toxic relationship work its well Kdrama (tho that gets me more invested that this ship) and that's ignoring the whole 'blitz is the bad guy" bs
cherry and pentious? acutally they're okay but they literally have like two episodes that is just him trying and failing to flirt which would have been cute but he died like so quickly after ..
ig vox and val are there.
any other ship i can literally not remember
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crystallizsch · 6 months ago
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despite twst being a "villain" game
i love it when i see how certain characters speak to certain people. like how people just relate to their struggles/personalities/etc.
there’s riddle coming to terms that not everything has to be perfect, unlearning from what he has been taught growing up that not everything has to be followed to the letter;
ace who is gungho and earnest about what he believes in and has the natural inclination to defend those he grows to genuinely care about;
deuce always striving to improve himself despite setbacks and being aware of his own shortcomings;
leona who acts like he’s given up from being cast aside his entire life and coming to terms to the fact that there are people that do look to him as a leader, as someone who’s worth something;
floyd who unapologetically just does what he wants, choosing to do things that interests him at the moment;
kalim choosing to be happy and kind always, living life everyday to the fullest knowing what he’s gone through;
jamil with the expectations and obligations to essentially "perform" and do things for others more than for himself, especially when he has the potential to shine by himself with his own abilities;
vil rejecting gender norms and restrictions, while still being confident in his own masculinity, and also wanting other people to bring out their best and truest potential even though he may be strict about it;
rook being able to pick out so meticulously the beauty in everything and everyone whenever no one else is able to;
idia with his introverted yet very passionate energy towards things he cares about;
silver with his love and dedication for those he considers his family;
malleus with his loneliness and bringing out his genuine self with someone he's able to consider a friend;
i know some of these sound pretty surface-level but these are the ones that just came to mind at the moment, these are not my full-on thoughts on each of them
my point overall is i just really love seeing when there’s a character that REALLY speaks to someone that doesn’t particularly speak to me because it gives me a whole new perspective on characters i initially didn’t care about or didn’t like and makes me appreciate them more
also it just shows how how these characters are different enough in that sense so that there are characters for everyone to love and relate to 🥺💕
i could gush more about relationship dynamics as well but this is getting long enough hfdsfjsljlks anyways i would love to see others’ own takes and why a particular character(s) relates to them or why they just like them in general 👉👈 i want to spread some good vibes 💖 but anyways idk these are just my thoughts 🤧
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al-luviec · 4 months ago
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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hella1975 · 1 year ago
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basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it
#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried#im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that#im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal#just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭#and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails#like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow#and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things#like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice#and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off#she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭#why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin#AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed#im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim#like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now#and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT#but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work#like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough#the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY#hella goes home
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smute · 11 months ago
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big epiphany you guys. big. huge.
#cliffnotes for context: smute almost finish masters. smute think oh‚ maybe phd not crazy wacko shit‚ maybe i can try#but smute also low self esteem. with any small setback - smute think oh what is point. smute bound to fail#problem is: smute genuine self doubt = smute quotidian frustration#ok normal english now#so thats what i realized today. a lot of the ''small'' things i dream of (financial independence‚ a nice little apartment etc) are#expressions of some low level frustration with my nomadic broke student life#rather than genuine desires. and as dumb or as#duh#obvious as that may sound rn#its actually huge for me that i was able to recognize the difference today#this question of what i will do after i graduate has been haunting me for the past year#and i am now realizing that a lot of my own arguments have nothing to do with what i want#just because they're things i don't currently have doesn't mean they would be fulfilling#and#again. duh.#but like. between this debilitating self doubt and certain external pressures 🤨 it was hard to see the difference#anyway i basically just explored some alternative scenarios today#like specific scenarios. went on indeed found some really good stuff and tried to imagine my life a year from now if i took this or that jo#and the end result was that i fucking hated it. they were all great options on paper but the takeaway was that i would never forgive myself#if i didnt give this a try. if i prioritized some vague notion of independence or this idea of ''settling down'' or whatever the fuck#over the one thing that ive got going for me#like i still don't know if the academic path will be any more fulfilling than some other job#god knows my entire academic career so far has been an insane uphill battle. but it's also been so fucking rewarding. like nothing else#and i also still dont know how genuine this wish is#if it's not maybe still about proving myself to some imaginary authority#but like. how long can you psychoanalyze yourself before your goddamn head explodes#no matter how pure my motivation is im beginning to understand that i dont want this to be the end of the road#and maybe that's enough#&
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