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leikeliscomet · 9 months ago

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Heartstopper's Aspec Representation Isn't For Me - And That's Okay (Mini Essay)

Spoilers for Series 3!

So I just finished series 3 and I feel conflicted. I don't hate Heartstopper at all. I think it's a very cute show. I'm happy queer baby gen z and gen alpha have something to see themselves in, I love how Tara, a darkskin Black lesbian girl is happy in her relationship. I'm happy Isaac makes my fellow aspecs happy. I'm happy Charlie tore Ben's singlet in series 2 and for once the victim/survivor is allowed to not forgive their assaulter. I like Heartstopper's little moments but I've felt like something was missing overall and now we're on the third season, I think I know what it is now. There's comments on BL and yaoi by Alice Oseman I don't fully agree with, some of the acting in the show could be a bit better I guess, most of the characters are comfortably in the British middle class and I am a grown adult now so my interest in school/teen dramas has dipped a little bit (but not you Waterloo Road ily <3). So to an extent, there were always gonna be limits on how much I enjoy this show, but nevertheless, I still think they're worth pointing out, especially if we're claiming Heartstopper for the next gen of queer rep. Because honestly having watched shows like Heartbreak High and Koisenu Futari plus being a massive Selah and the Spades fan, I feel a bit robbed in terms of quality.

Isaac still feels underdeveloped and for a show that's been going on for 3 series now this feels disappointing. Like obviously Nick and Charlie get all the screentime as they're the main characters. Tao and Elle got a lot more juicer storylines from s2, Tara and Darcy got more to work with this series even if it was rushed (oh I miss you long series 2010s shows), but Isaac still feels leaps behind everyone else. He didn't really get anything in series 1. In series 2 we saw him coming to terms with his identity which felt like a good starting point but I was still waiting for the 'big asexual plans' Alice Oseman promised and... nothing. I liked his comment about googling aromanticism to Charlie because the representation by PowerPoint style of aspec writing can get tired. I also liked his moment of feeling left out by his friends plus still wanting to know Nick and Charlie's tea, giving him sexual agency whilst aroace instead of feeding into infantilisation. But apart from that... nothing. I wanted to feel more moved by the aquarium scene, but it felt tacked on because whilst Isaac's upset was justified, Imogen just wanted to chat about gay fish, so Isaac came across as a little passive-aggressive instead of what was supposed to be his moment. Plus it feels a little backhanded how much effort series 1 went to in how big coming to terms with your identity is, plus the gorgeous way Isaac's aroace revelation was filmed in series 2 was filmed just to have him blurt it out in an aquarium and have barely any of his friends actually support him like he supported them. But life imitates art I guess. This whole season we've seen characters talking about university plans, gap years and going through the post-16 struggle. But what about Isaac? We never find out what uni he wants to go to or even if he wants to go. What subjects does he like? What job does he want post-school? What's his relationship like with his family? The people need to know! I always found it weird how Isaac was left out to the point where straight characters, whilst still bearing in mind that Tao x Elle is an interracial pairing between two POC and one of which is a trans girl and this is very rare and deserved representation too, had gotten more screentime than him. Imogen, Sahar, Mr Ajayi and Mr Farouk had all been introduced for bigger storylines but Isaac, despite being in the main group, still had to wait for his share. This series was such a huge moment for everyone but Isaac... again. And whilst I'm happy if everyone else is, I genuinely feel like we all deserve better.

Tori was given bigger moments this series and that was great because I was waiting for my introverted slurping sister to come through. Her concern and care for Charlie and jealousy of Nick were great plus with the introduction of Michael, it was all leading to the big reveal of Tori being ace, right? Right? Wrong, because this scene was cut from the ferris wheel moment and I have no idea why. Oseman confirmed it was because Tori's storyline will continue in s4 and she didn't want to rush it but like, what? Series 3, at least in my eyes, did an alright job at building up her coming out. And again, if Nick could get his bi awakening in a one series arc, why can't this asexual character then too? They also covered Darcy's non-binary transition and coming out in this series too so I don't know why there wasn't room for Tori apparently. There was plenty of room for an 'I'm asexual' within those 5 minutes. Waiting to develop her in series 4, which is yet to be confirmed and likely to be the show's last series so it will already have a lot to do with wrapping up the Nick x Charlie saga seems like a poor decision. This is the second time we've had to wait till next season for the aspec character's arc by the way.

I'd like to see some aroallo POVs on this but this season put a lot of emphasis on linking love and sex together and it felt a bit strange icl. Yes, they're linked socially/societally and it's great to have sex with someone you love and love someone you have sex with etc etc etc but the first 2 series made a point of separating the two by showing love without sex and how it was just as meaningful. Almost every time a character was sexually attracted to another e.g. calling them hot or started making out because they wanted to have sex in that given moment there would be a dialogue from one of them going 'it's okay we're in love 'it's normal you're in love' 'well that's what people in love do!' and these are all correct statements but like... we get it! You don't have to be head over heels in love to find someone sexually attractive or just want to have sex with them. It's okay if you're not in love too y'know? I'm not sure what that constant reassurance was for because depicting sex without love isn't as pearl clutchy as it seems when all parties are safe, consenting and comfortable, or, if you've ever had any knowledge about aro(allo) spaces tbf. Nick and Charlie are not aspec and are very much sexually attracted to each other so the conclusion of them having sex isn't surprising at all, especially when I already knew from tweets back in series 1 that Heartstopper the comic already had a storyline later on of the two having sex for the first time. Plus the other characters aren't aspec either so their sexual debuts are also unsurprising and deserved. Plus, I'm actually glad they included Tara and Darcy having sex because many 'sex positive' shows seem to leave out the lesbians. But for a show with an aroace creator and aspec characters, the depictions of romance and sex don't feel like they were written from an aspec lense or for an aspec audience. It's normal for people to be romantically and sexually attracted to each other and then date and have sex. But if you're aspec, you know this. We all know this. This is the mainstream and default depiction of human (hetero)sexuality. We're watching the queer shows to see something different from that. When romance without sex can only hinge on the characters being below the age of consent plus a supposed 'innocence' due to their young age and sex without love is non existent, plus when you factor in how there are no aroallo or alloace characters in the show with 'groundbreaking' aspec representation, it makes for a bit of a headscratcher. Heartstopper may be made by an aspec, has aspec characters and aspec fans, I don't consider it an aspec show. Bit sad, but it is what it is.

It's honestly strange how despite this fact, asexuality and aromanticism is barely mentioned in the main discourse about this show. Antis claim Oseman is a cishet woman despite being non-binary and aroace. They blame the sexlessness of the show on puritanism despite Oseman being aroace. There's constant arguments about how 'unrealistic' it is for teenagers to not have sex despite Isaac being a whole teenage aroace and how some people just didn't have sex in their teens... like aspecs. People are annoyed the show keeps giving Isaac aromantic and asexual storylines because it's 'not as important' and they 'don't care' as if he's not a main cast member and again, the creator is aroace! If you look at the promo pictures of the show, it has the main three pairings, Nick and Charlie, Tao and Elle and Tara and Darcy and no Isaac. Despite the fact it's supposed to be 'for' us and made by one of us, it's not. And a lot of non aspec queer fans watching the show don't see it for us despite being made by one of us either. And that's a real shame.

I'm fully aware Oseman knows about writing aroace characters from the book Loveless, which has an aroace MC. But I think Netflix choosing to adapt Heartstopper over Loveless was intentional. I think Netflix creating Isaac instead of Aled, a demi gay non-binary character from the og comic, was intentional. I think all the decisions Netlix made with Isaac and Tori are intentional, the same way bringing Yasmin Benoit to the Sex Education writers room to cut half of O's storylines was intentional. Netflix has fumbled the bag with asexual and aromantic representation several times now (Cash Piggot and Todd notwithstanding) so at this point, I'm not surprised anymore. Again, I'm happy for anyone who really likes Heartstopper, but I've finally accepted that it's not for me. And that's okay. When someone makes the predominantly aspec, slightly more grown, queer show with fully fleshed out arcs for its's asexual and/or aromantic characters or hits up Lovie Simone for the scrapped Selah and the Spades TV show, I know where I'll be.

We deserved our moments too. We deserve our Heartstopper.

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bluginkgo · 11 months ago

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Ep 8 Thoughts and Details Part 1

Some thoughts and details I had while watching ep8, and some parallels I found. And yes, I had to split this into 2 parts because Tumblr said "fack you, you can only upload 30 images :P"

Spoilers, duh

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Already starting strong, the song that plays through the radio is "Cyn's theme" if you will, that is heard all the way back in ep5 (time stamp about 2:34)

Ep8 showcasing the first teaser image that was released on Liam's channel. Quite bittersweet, in a good way.

Well, uh, Uzi is a true god now XD She's got the AS that was originally in Cyn as well, double powerful and double traumatized/damaged OC!

"A How-to guide of overcoming the existential dread evoked by murdering innocent sentient robots capable of emotion and independent thought. Real life JCJ engineer testimonies. Thought provoking analysis of life and the benefit of being the apex predator. Insanely philosophical advice such as, 'Get over it,' 'Shut up and keep working,' 'Do you want a job or not.'"

Bleh >:P The fact that the AS is still playful is something a bit silly to me, in a funny way. Despite it being the god of the universe- almost- it has a silly side to it.

The amount of times there were cuss words either almost said/implicated made me so happy and burst out laughing one too many times XD

I've seen some people mention how the reunion between Uzi and Nori was unsatisfactory. In my opinion? It was perfect. The awkward feeling of meeting someone you should have known your entire life, all the while trying to the world was perfectly translated here. The silliness that Uzi inherited from Nori shines here. But most of all, N's kindness shines through Uzi. I think if Uzi was still her angsty rebellious teen like she was back at the beginning of the series, she would have not had as nice of a reunion with Nori as she did now.

Omg, you have no idea how happy I was in this scene. The animation, VAs, the DETAIL- ALL OF IT was so amazing! N looks so silly and goober-y <:3 Another thing I took notice later on was the timing. It's not really stated how much time it took for Uzi to go from falling down the AS hole to being punted into space. But assuming about minutes, that implies N facking booked it. The moment he got tossed out of the cathedral with the keys, he absolutely booked it to the ship without evening thinking whether Uzi was alive or not. He needed to see the evidence for himself. He didn't give up on and assume that Uzi was gone.

Recently one of the animators posted the scenes they worked on, giving us a clearer view of expressions. The work done by Xoriak was amazing and really pushed the expressions on these characters to the limit. What used to be Uzi's anger, quickly melts into relief an sadness as she realizes that N didn't give up on her in this scene. While she sacrificed herself, N did not accept her possible death as the only answer. No, he chose to look for her, and he would have done the same with V had the elevator not been blocked off.

This made me happy too. N has grown so much from who he was in the pilot. He used to be the push over that made friends with rocks, that accepted any order from the higher ups and didn't dare question any rebuttals. Now? Now he's confident enough to even voice the fact that he was mad about what Uzi did.

Give me like- giv- give me a second- LKJD;OIADKNVKVNAKDJF;OIWAEJFANVKJASDJFAOIWEFNAKJSDBV For the longest time my hyperfixation has been BONKS. Evident enough with what I've drawn (looks back at the 4-5 bonk drawings I've made). The fact that I got to see them bonk in canon made my sad sorry soul ascend into the upper plane of existence XD Oh and "die man bit-"

I grew up watching Studio Ghibli, so to see this moment- of NUzi falling and holding hands, of course my brain said- YOYOYOYO LOOK LOOK THEY'RE SO CUTE-

The moment of respite, the hug, the tail wrap around and the quick release from Uzi's part after having a heart to heart- it was all so perfectly beautiful ;w; NOT TO MENTION THE MUSIC, as usual AJ DiSpirito absolutely delivered. I REQUIRE THAT MUSIC TO BE PLAYING LOUDLY IN MY EARS 24/7 PLEASE AND THANK YOU AJ.

"I owe you 1 spaceship" -N

Couple things:

It's funny how J just either gave the ship up without a fight, or N was so stupidly fast that J couldn't even do anything about him taking it XD

N is an absolute machine at speed drawing XD

"I'm FINE, and calm, and GO AWAY." J is the embodiment of the entire work force TwT Couldn't help but say "same, honey, same ;w;"

Excuse me while I just- ITS VVVVVVVVV SHE CAME BACK OH MY GOSH- passes out On a more serious note, I've seen plenty of people mention that if V came back, her sacrifice would be for nothing. I don't think so. V came such a long way and grew to be more kind and honest thanks to her interactions with N, Uzi, Lizzy, and even her "death." It shows, because she chose to side with Uzi and N, and they all fought together in an amazing dance.

There were many moments in the episode that were a bit "slower" pace as many have put. That these moments took away from the intensity that was supposed to be in the episode. I don't think so. These moments are needed not just for the comedy part of it, but to give our brains to rest. To take a second, process the fighting we just saw, and be ready for more action. This is often used in Studio Ghibli movies, where after heavy action, it is followed by moments of quiet serenity to give you time to let the events sink in.

This, this right here TwT CRIES. These three have been together, hanging out, figuring out the eldritch mysteries- of course they'd pick up habits from each other. From N becoming more confident with himself and allowing himself to be mad at someone. To Uzi picking up on V's crawling on the ceiling habit. To V picking up Uzi's "bite me."

The amount of hand holding that was in this episode gave me enough serotonin for a life time. And the way that N always ended up wrapping his tail around Uzi, be it a hug or a cool pose. All of my NUzi hyperfixations are becoming canon and making me go FERAL.

Something that is interesting and always comes back to us, is the AS's interest and fixation on N. The way I have always seen it was Cyn was the reason for it. The AS tends to take something from the host and amplify it ten fold. For Uzi's case the perfect example was when she felt anxious or upset. Ep4 and ep7 are great examples of that. For Cyn's case it would seem that she got attached to N after she entered the mansion as a Solver host. The AS probably took that thought and amplified it to unhealthy amounts.

Oh.MY.GOD. THESE GOOBERS SEND HELP THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH HOW CUTE THEY ARE. N first attempts to protect Uzi, and she says "nuh uh" and covers his hand instead. This. This right here. It's far too beautiful TwT

Great frame, but uh, how the fack are we able to see the AS symbol? XD Cause uh like, her face has a split for the nose section still and all of a sudden it just... went away? XD Don't get me wrong, the animation is TOP NOTCH in these last episodes, but silly little moments like this- where it's super tense and scary, but after a rewatch it just seems silly.

When I first saw this I figured "oh shit, it's ep7 all over again, they're gonna be obliterated." The demonic screams I let out were a bit embarrassing to say the least XD

This little shit. She's just playing with them, and she knows it. This entire fight was nothing more than a little game for her. Like a cat playing with a mouse before killing it.

In this scene you can actually hear the first notes of Eternal Dream, but in a super distorted way, much like it sounded in ep6 (timestamp about 15:30)

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Alright, Ginkgo what now, why include this blurry frame of nothing? I really admire Cyn's VA. Fitzy has always done an amazing job at making my favorite character- Cyn- the creepy silly goober that she is. So of course I would have watched and unwillingly memorized laugh takes that Fitzy also shared. One of which was here (time stamp of about 0:47. The laughs are similar, and most likely reused from ep7 takes that never made it into ep7 but carried over to ep8. Just a fun little detail I noticed.

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OMFG LMAO AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA THE WAY I BAWLED THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT XD

Split second frame but I see it. I SEE IT V. SHE COVERED UP N'S CORE TwT Despite all of the comments she made, despite all of the things she did, she still cared for him. And the entire show, her entire character growth shows that. She didn't run in that moment- she could have much like she did from Cynessa mere seconds ago, but she stayed, and tried to protect N too.

OMG BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA YESSS UZI XD

The entire fighting scene between Uzi, Cynessa and J was so amazing. As usual, AJ DiSpirito did an AMAZING job with the songs, but more so the fact that Uzi is able to hold her own against J and Cynessa, that just amazes me. She has always been strong, but seeing it in battle made me appreciate it all that much more. Another thing about this episode, it seemed like the animators didn't particularly try to hide anything sneaky. All of the glitched sections (ex: Uzi's visor after she at the AS) were code that general population is unable to read/decipher- unless someone with an actual expertise tells me otherwise, I can only assume its code of her CPU functions- once again, remember, I know next to nothing about computers and that language TwT But the moments that were evident were these- they were even changed to BLUE. From the pilot time, everything was sneaky. I mean from the way the Murder Drones logo switched briefly into the AS symbol, to N's waking up having administration "CYN" written on his visor upon reboot. All of that was sneaky details put in for us to hunt down. This time around, it didn't feel much of like a hunt and more like silly easter eggs.

Wanna see the rest of it? Yeah, here's part 2 because Tumblr doesn't like more than 30 images per post TwT

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potatoesandsunshine · 1 year ago

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Same anon as before, I loved the lil fic you did abt Astarion and Taryn, you captured his personality SO well. And Taryn, beloved girl. Absolutely fascinating character study. I’m very curious abt your cleric as well!!

bg3 anon my best friend bg3 anon <3 tysm!! i was really proud of that astarion characterization and i'm glad it was good. i'm juggling a couple ideas with her along with this new playthrough - cried my way through the game epilogue but i just wasn't ready to put her down.

currently chipping away at the postgame waterdeep newlyweds era - the idea of 'tav' as a character taryn has made up to deal with it all is just. she's so much. she can find a way to be honest about her feelings as long as she's pretending to be someone else. and thinking about her and tara is like... the friction between them dissolved when tara realized 'oh, another one'. anyway, i have to learn to write stage direction before i go any further with this idea but it's like five stories smashed together right now (taryn missing the rest of the party/newly married bliss/the sheer trauma of the waterdeep tower/the play within the play/can you befriend a tressym who has decided, no, i'm adopting you) oh! and there's also the alfira story but i think that's a separate fic.

and my cleric!!!!!!!!

this is elsie <3 (a blue tiefling cleric? groundbreaking.) she's got SO much wrong with her she is PERFECT to me. she's a tempest domain follower of talos, but it's kind of the classic 'surely this cheerful character can't be serving evil, can she?' situation. she can be. she's not actually sure WHAT she's doing on any given day. anyway, some elsie fun facts!

her name isn't elspeth, which i think would make more sense for the nickname - it's elisaveta, because a cleric being called 'god is my oath' made something insane happen in my brain. literally it would only be better if she were a paladin. elisaveta storm-heart welcome to the world it will be bad for you.

on my end of it (in the game she's got the acolyte background) when she was fifteen she... ran afoul of(?) and/or was chosen (?) by talos - in a blatant karlach parallel, he ripped out her heart and put a storm in its place, which is how i think of that tempest cleric reaction where you can zap people manifested

this has led to a... kind of weird perception of gods in general? i've got the idea for a conversation between her & one of the companions where she says something like "I've heard of people who choose their gods, but in my experience it's always the other way around" // she would be super insane about the gale-mystra situation but it's only act 1 she doesn't know about it

every misfortune in her life is attributed directly to the god she worships. yeah the logic just isn't there but when she was young and freshly-zapped by lightning the group of talos cultists that picked her up just said this is how it is.

she has fully outsourced her moral compass to wyll, which is honestly one of the best moves she could've made. you're welcome faerun.

i also characterize her as someone who has very strong initial emotional reactions to things - she's a crier, she stomps her feet, she throws things if she's by herself, little lightning bolts from her fingertips etc. taryn shifted into resignation so quickly, but elsie is really different! she's bad at hiding how she feels and she feels strongly. who's crying behind the last light inn? elsie. who's screaming at ketheric while he tries to monologue? elsie. who ran back to the enclave and killed kahga before considering any other options? elsie.

we're really early game with her so she doesn't know about any of the dead three stuff but she's going to be VERY unimpressed. if she didn't hate gortash already for the whole selling her girlfriend to hell thing, she'd hate him as... a religious obligation? and not in a sexy way like whatever he had going on with the bhaalspawn, more like a 'how dare these worms try to end the world that's literally what i was given the holy mission to do (that i've been ignoring)'

anyway she's super cute she has gray hair streaks for fantasy bullshit reasons and she's pretty sure talos never actually checks if she's doing her homework so it's fine, really, everybody's getting dramatic over nothing

#answering asks #anonymous #thank you anon <3 sorry to babble so much i just love thinking about my characters a lot

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dingleberry-art · 10 months ago

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just remembered i have free will and can post about whatever i want so here's a little bit about living with adhd i guess (and funny/ annoying stuff i hear from people who don't have it) btw this is only my experience, and i can ASSURE you this isnt all of the adhd experience. warning, kinda sad lol (and now ive finished typing, long asf!!)

a big issue is motivation, like HUGE. My adhd causes me to have MASSIVE instant gratification problems, and several years in a row this has impacted my school. If a task doesn't give me satisfaction immediately it genuinely is painful to try and start it. I have so many art projects, sewing things, crochet, etc that almost feel like doing schoolwork if im struggling that week. I have been known to doomscroll for 7-9 hours IN FRONT OF MY ASSIGNMENT AT MY DESK because it feels like asking my body to hurt itself just to start work.

cont of the last one sort of: Wasted time (AGHGJSHGHGJA). I lowkey believe I could have done so much more with my life if I could just sit down and focus. Luckily ive gotten into the mindset of "keep pushing forward, you cant change the past" but holy shit its a killer. Assignments that take 5-10 minutes take 5-11 hours to START, and in these hours of procrastination i am NAWT enjoying myself at alllll. Its 5-10 mins of scrolling, almost start crying because i CANT JUST START, then back to scrolling, repeat. Plus what hurts more is that once i do start, it really only does take those 5 minutes

Now one that i dont really see! negative talk that comes with not getting diagnosed (oh brother this guy stinks!!). I'm gonna be short and sweet with this one because when I used to say this stuff to myself I lowkey believed it. A lot of stuff I repeated at my worst was "why can't I just do stuff like everyone else, what is wrong with me, why can't I just focus, Everyone can do this why can't I, etc" and what PISSES ME OFF!! is that SOOOO much of this is repeated/ planted by outside sources!! but i digress...

Hyperfixations! either amazing or atrocious!! Mine have never been terribleeee but they def get extreme! (for those that don't know a hyperfixation is a interest that DOMINATES UR LIFE for a few weeks, to a few months. Happens in autism too i think? and special interests are specifically autism and last yearsssss)

Fixations can be really fun and a lot of people i know say that it makes them feel like themselves, and gives them a purpose! but there is also a really not-fun side to them, some wild stuff ive experienced while hyperfixated: -can't go to the restroom/do anything embarrassing because of a feeling of the characters watching/judging you. -Stomach hurts if you see something from the hyperfix, or some sort of painful physical reaction. -Only work you are able to do is related to/correlates to hyperfix (I finished a project where I got to draw gravity falls the day I was assigned it, and I also got given a project from the same class 3 weeks ago and haven't started) -getting physically angry at slander/hate even tho it isnt that serious fr -internal monologue changes to a characters voice/a certain accent. You UNWILLINGLY imitate a characters little mannerisms without trying. -this one is funny but during my anime phase i watched so much subbed that I heard a commercial playing and thought they were speaking utter gibberish for 3 minutes then realized it was english and i had just gotten so used to Japanese w/ subtitles

Some stuff i heard other people go through (tw for sh on the last one) -Neglecting hygiene

-loss of friends because they can only talk about it -Failing entire courses or becoming severely sleep deprived -hyperfixating on problematic people or topics (you can't really control what you hyperfixate on, that's actually why I haven't watched shit like hasbin hotel or even skibidi toilet as a joke) -even in very EXTREME AND RARE cases, cutting because of the media, carving characters names, etc. and to stress this again, hyperfixations can literally give people purpose in life!! they aren't always bad! but i really don't see people talk about the downsides, and coming out of one feels like losing a part of yourself, the reason to be motivated in the first place (and this is also why I do think its important that non-neurodivergent people don't use the word to describe their interests)

other random stuff i guess

coffee/caffeine makes me tired asf, adhd meds and caffeine are both stimulants! thats why a lot of undiagnosed people actually use it as a makeshift medicator without knowing

for me personally, getting diagnosed SAVED MY LIFE but ill talk abt that in a sec

I will want to respond to your text SO BAD but it feels scary to me, like another thing on the to-do list even tho you could be the loml it would still take me 2 hrs of distracting myself to respond

ive seen a few people say that having untreated adhd feels like/goes hand in hand with depression, and while i dont think this is factually true, thats what it feels like lol

Adhd also gives you rejection sensitivity (not the official term but who cares), basically getting criticized or ridiculed feels like a straight insult at your character. felt definitely more as a little kid but can confirm BIG TIME!

another note to the sensitivity: it is very valid and real, before being medicated id cry once a month at school over small shit. I mean i still do occasionally, but i think EVERYONE i knew as a kid has seen me cry at LEAST like 7 times. also like every time i see someone describe the adhd experience well i start BAWLING. plus as a kid my youtube recommended was FULL of "how to stop being so sensitive, how to stop crying when told ur wrong, stop crying at school so often" videos

I never realized how much I cut people off when talking till someone pointed it out and I looked it up, yup its adhd

I was wondering why it got quiet a second ago but i actually never had any music playing, I just kept repeating the same song in the background of my head whilst typing this (peewee's playhouse intro btw) dunno if its an adhd thing but i see a lot of people talk abt hearing multiple dialogues at once.

meds can also be annoying asf but that can go for every mental illness. When i started mine i slept through the bell in 2 of my classes lol. (Plus i definitely need to up my dosage because it just isn't working as well as it used to.)

**btw dont be reading this with adhd by the way and think your like, doomed. Genuinely THE MOST bubbly, kind, and just downright creative people I know have adhd. i know it feels like a curse a lot of the time but please push through**

ALRIGHT!! now on to some stuff ive been told by people!!

this first heartbreaking quote was from my best friend. We were talking about our least favorite teacher (who had adhd, but my fav teacher also had it lol) and she goes "yeah i think all people with adhd are just annoying" the funny thing was that this was ALSO the day I had to tell her I was going to get checked for it so thats fun! pair that with good ol rejection sensitivity and we have a phrase that repeats in my mind once a day lmao. (dw shes been informed a lot more now and i dont think she remembers it but i corrected her on it)

second one! much more recent, my father was getting checked for autism (alr has adhd diagnosis). To prove to my step mom that him getting officially diagnosed wasn't a huge deal, he asks me "getting diagnosed really didn't help you haha right?" i just responded "lmao no it changed everything" because i don't think an appropriate response at the time would be "it literally prevented me from kms :))"

INFAMOUS ONE from my teacher! He was filling out my adhd referral form but he literally didn't pay enough attention to me in class so he just had me come up there and fill it out with him instead. The questions were "on a scale of 1-5....." and he would SAY THE QUESTION AT NORMAL VOLUME IN THE SILENT CLASSROOM "Does this student struggle with depression!! Does this student have violent tendencies!!" (not to mention a lot the questions were all geared to 10 yr old boys) then i would give him my full and honest answer, and he would say "well everyone has that!" and put THE NUMBER BELOW THE ONE I GAVE HIM. i swear bro he either needs to understand the questions arent for him, or go get diagnosed lmao.

*BUT ANYWAYS* thank you for reading this thing holy moly. I probably forgot so much and its 1am oops! hopefully this made someone feel seen or made someone semi-understand the struggle. Its just a lot of the time I see it downplayed as "ooh squirrel!!" while it has legit destroyed my life at points, and isn't any less serious as other well talked about conditions (obvs not as bad as other stuff but yk what i mean)

alright thanks again, bye!!!

I need someone to invent a machine to give anyone adhd for a month because if I hear “no I get it! I get distracted sometimes too!” one more time I might go batshit insane.

#adhd #neurodivergent #executive dysfunction #neurodiversity #adhd problems #adhd things #neurodivergence #neurotypical #rejection sensitive dysphoria

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damistrolls · 3 years ago

Note

I am holding Ketzan and Magpie, Espeiclaly Ketzan tho he's like- my type. To a stupid amount. From what I have seen thus far anyway.

~New Here Anon

omg <3 another ketzan enjoyer! you've got good taste! fun fact, ketz was the first troll on this blog (in the current iteration at least)

and MAGPIE <3 my wonderful murder man, thank u, hes everything to be, hes my special little guy

since u like ketzan, u might be interested in his crew, lyydia, sicklefin, and duplix, and even more than that, you might wanna get to know his matesprit, amir, and his kismesis, demtry

and since u like magpie, u might wanna know his bodyguard, lupo, his special friend, lekthi, and his buddies, weasel, rosira, and alaise

#ooc #some of them are my characters and some are my friends characters <3 giv a click and check em out

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dadbodfanatic-x · 3 years ago

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Paper Rings; part 3

Jim Hopper x Original female character

A/N: I think this is my favorite chapter so far, only one more after this to introduce everything before season 1 starts! Some TW for this chapter. Blood/angst/ some tough themes and for any Hopper fics some language

It had been 3 months since your first shift at the Hawkins station and you had fell in love with the small town. You had babysat for the wheelers so Nancy could go on a date without worrying about Mike, you had helped Hopper out with Mrs. Henderson and her cat a half a million times, you even pulled Billy Hargrove over probably a dozen more times but the night you most remember was getting the call from the Byers residence. A frantic phone call from Jonathan while Joyce screamed in the background and you heard glass shattering, you dropped the phone immediately on Flos desk and you and Hopper hauled ass to the house. You’re not sure what happened with Hopper and Lonnie all you thought about was rushing in behind him and grabbing the boys.

“Hey, Hopps gonna get your mom out of here and handle Lonnie. You guys are gonna come with me okay?” You could see the hesitation in Jonathan’s eyes but Will clung to you, you placed your hand over one of his ears and pushed the other up against your side. Snuggling him in as best as you could you guided him right out the door. Not a minute later you heard Hopper raise his voice and you knew you needed them out immediately.

“Jonathan come on please we need you with us…” he came out the front door with you after awhile and you set off walking down the road.

“You guys hungry? I think we should grab some burgers at bennys and talk him into some ice cream…sound good?” You could tell how excited Will was but Jonathan just kept looking back down the road. Your heart hurt so much for these poor kids.

When all of you had walked into bennys you felt a little relief finally wash over you. You had them out of the house and you could at least get their bellies full and calm them down.

“Will why don’t you go wash your hands, Jonathan is gonna grab us a table and I’m gonna call the station so Flo can let Hopper and your mom know where we are” as soon as you saw Will go through the door you made a point to walk over to Jonathan.

“Hey Jonathan, what you did tonight was really brave and I’m very proud of you for calling for help.” You watched as a gloss came over his eyes and he tried to hide it quickly. “Listen, I know you’ve been really strong for you mom and brother for a long time but you’re allowed to be upset too okay? Anytime you want someone to talk to you come find me okay?” You felt your own eyes get watery and you knew he was making a point to watch for Will. You squeezed his shoulder one last time “I’m so damn proud of you kid”

When you finished letting Flo know where you had the boys and Will had exited the bathroom you grabbed him before he could reach Jonathan. Waiving him on to go “wash his hands” so he could calm down before his brother saw him. You all ordered three cheeseburgers with fry’s and chowed down as Will told you story after story about he and his friends, you were amazed at these kids imaginations truly. As soon as Benny brought over some ice cream cones you heard the bell above the door ring and turned to see Hopper and Joyce coming in. Jonathan stood quickly to check on his mom and Will almost took the little woman out with the force he gave her a hug.

“I can’t thank you enough Nora” Joyce told you with a hand on your shoulder. “I appreciate this more than you know”

You placed your hand over hers “hey don’t thank me, these kids of your are great company.” You said grinning at both boys “I learned so much today from Will the wise…right?”

Will let out a huge laugh and hugged you tight. “Mom, guess what? Nora knows stuff about D&D!! Isn’t that so cool?!” Your genuine smile could not be wiped off your face. These boys already meant the world to you in such a short time. After giving Will a hug you moved to Jonathan

“Hey remember what I said okay? Anytime you need to talk I’m here” and with that Joyce put her arms around her boys and walked them out. Thanking both you and Hopper again before she got outside.

You could see the red marks on Hoppers hands, a couple scrapes up his knuckles and you knew you weren’t going to ask questions. Lonnie deserved whatever Hopper decided to dish out. Without thinking you reached out and grabbed one of his large hands, pulling it closer to your face and examining it.

“You should get this cleaned up so you don’t get anything infected, if you don’t care to run inside my place with me I can have you fixed up in no time” you still held his hand as you looked up to notice he was already staring at you, cute little half smirk on his face.

“Yeah that’s a good idea…” he said so non chalantly.

Hopper was an infuriating man, it had been 3 months of this. Longing glances and touches that you think might have held on a little longer than normal. You never ended up comfortable enough with the town to work with anyone else, you did actually feel completely fine with the town but he kept you with him and you didn’t mind. For 3 months you spent your weekday mornings around the station with everyone but any call that came through always sent you out with Jim. You both worked so well together it felt like breathing, like something you didn’t even have to think about it just happened so easily. Once your day was done he would drive you home, you both shamelessly flirted with each other now and laughed and told stories like you were mapping out charts of each others lives. All of this had been rumbling under the surface for three months. Never to be spoke of. Which is why your heart was pounding out of your chest right now as Hopper drove you both over to your house and as you nervously played with your fingers in your lap any chance you took to look at hopper was futile. He looked so calm and collected.

When you arrived at your house you had hopper sit on the couch while you grabbed some things to clean his hands, when you came back in you sat down close and pulled one of his hands over into your lap.

“Okay this might sting a little…” you said as you began patting down his hands with the cloth and cleaning over any excess blood.

“Hey…” he used the hand you were cleaning to squeeze your thigh and you could instantly feel your cheeks tint pink.

“You did really good with the boys today, I really appreciate it” he left his hand on your thigh, as you applied the ointment onto the clean hand before you switched them you smiled up at him

“It was really easy honestly, those boys are great…okay switch hands” when you went to grab his other hand he placed it on your thigh rather than in your own hand and you hated to admit how much you loved to see his big hands there. You imagined driving down the road with his hands on your thigh as you listened to the radio and played with his fingers instead of nervously picking at your own.

“Oh hey, I uhh wanted to ask you something…” you had finished with his hand and placed the cloth down on the table and smiled up at him when he just left his hand their in your lap.

“So i uhm actually get four tickets to my graduation this weekend and since I don’t really have any family…” you started playing with his hand, sitting yours on top or using your finger to rub circles on the spot by his thumb and Hopper didn’t mind at all, he noticed early on you tended to play with the your hands when you were nervous about something and he couldn’t help the smirk that grew. He really liked that he made you nervous in this way, not scared but just nervous about what he would say.

“Do you think you could come? I was uhh just gonna leave the other three tickets at the station with an invitation and anyone could come but I wanted to ask you but you know now that I even actually think about it I mean it’s the weekend and you’re the chief so you’re probably really busy so I totally get it if you can’t you know?” You hadn’t even looked at him yet still playing with his hand and lost in a ramble that made him smile even more.

Hopper squeezed your thigh again…”hey” you looked up at him. “If you want me there then I’m there doll” and there it was. What had ingrained itself in his mind as of late. That big beautiful smile that makes your nose wrinkle and squishes your freckles all together. You only have one dimple and he really likes that.

“Really?! You’ll come?” You smiled up at him and he shook his head. You didn’t think about it next but you shot your arms around his neck. “Thank you so much” you almost whispered to him right in his ear. He wrapped his arms tight around you and flattened his palm down the base of your back while he held you there. He felt you relax into his before he moved his hand to rub your back and he felt the goose bumps rise on your arms. He was really enjoying this affect he had on you. When you started to pull back he thought about it. What it would be like to kiss you, not even on the mouth just right on the cheek where that dimple lay. He could get lost in it, he wanted to make you smile for a very long time. You could see his gears turning as you looked at him and then it happened

KNOCK….KNOCK KNOCK

“Nora are you home?! It’s mews again!!”

“Jesus fuck” he groaned and you laughed as you placed your forehead on his shoulder. You turned your head toward the door “one second Mrs. Henderson….” He squeezed your thigh one last time before he stood up.

“You wanna slip out the back so you don’t have to deal with this? It might be awhile?” You laughed as you told him.

“Oh bless you absolutely” as he headed towards the back door and you headed towards the front.

“Bye Doll….” He yelled as he walked away and the smile couldn’t be wiped off your face no matter how long you had to talk to this woman about this damn cat.

#jim hopper x reader #jim hopper fanfic #jim hopper #chief hopper #stranger things #paper rings #part 3

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rxmanticdevil · 4 years ago

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One Shot #1 - Magicians for Sport, Trelawny’s side

Characters: Josiah Trelawny, Arthur Morgan, Charles Smith Spoilers: Through Ch. 3 Words: ~3142 Trigger warnings: Kidnapping, violence, choking Explanation for this abomination: The story mission “Magicians for Sport” from the perspective of what happened to Trelawny. Josiah is minding his own business, bounty hunters decide they want a chat. Things get better from there (just kidding, they don’t get better). This has most likely been written before but tbh I didn’t look because I wanted to write it and I’ve just done research for my degree and I don’t want to research anymore.))

Trelawny was hardly registering his actions as he placed the two small slices of bread on a plate, a small meal for the early morning. His mind was distracted, his thoughts with the gang he had grown so fond of. Those bounty hunters were quite determined to get a hold of Dutch. And Arthur. The whole gang was in danger, which wasn’t really out of the norm. But this time it felt different, those bounty hunters seemed determined in a way that put Josiah’s hair on end.

The sound of hooves on dirt caught his already heightened attention, and he glanced out his window to see familiar figures coming up the path to the small collection of caravans full of the unsavory people he had found to blend into.

Those were the bounty hunters he had spoken to by the state line. Without wasting any time he pulled the curtains closed, locking the doors as he could. His caravan only had two rectangular rooms, but two doors – two areas of vulnerability.

He held his breath, they were getting closer, there were voices: We’re looking for a guy.

Another voice. The fence who operated out of the next caravan over. He pressed his ear against his front door, straining to hear. But he couldn’t make out what was being said, there was no loyalty here and he knew what the bounty hunters wanted. He was familiar enough with people like them – he knew what they’d do to get it.

The seconds ticked by but felt like hours until he heard the sound of horses trotting away. He took a deep breath, nearly collapsing to his knees from relief.

“Thank God….” – and the fence too. It seemed he would be escaping this scenario unharmed.

He went back to his plate of food but was once more unable to focus on it, his hands trembling too violently to be useful whenever he attempted to spread the raspberry jam over the bread. His mind raced. The bounty hunters were here, in Rhodes. While Josiah didn’t know where Dutch and the others were holed up now, he did know they would be coming back this way. It was imperative that he tracked them down, any of the gang down, at least to deliver the message –stay low, for God’s sake your lives are at stake. Stay. Alert.

Advice he should have heeded himself, it seemed.

The back door was kicked open with an unparalleled violent force at the same time as the front door. The sudden actions causing Josiah’s heart to jump, near pounding out of his chest, and his body escaped to the farthest point from the most immediate intruder at his front doorway. Unfortunately, that was the edge of his bed and it was hardly any more distance at all.

“Good morning, sir,” the bounty hunter coming from the front stood in his doorway, his body filling up the door frame as he held a gun in his hand, “We just got a few questions for you, we won’t be long.”

It was one of the first times in a long time that Trelawny felt genuine fear. Trapped, his revolver by the door where the man stood– there was no way he could get it without being grabbed – or shot. He could only wait for what would happen next. A fact that the man before him seemed to savor, drinking in Trelawny’s paled face and white knuckles clinging to the edge of his bed.

The man’s face melted into a cruel grin as he neared, “You remember me, right? We spoke at the state line?” he waited a moment, taunting Josiah to respond. “You remember we were talking – about Dutch Van der Linde? My colleagues and I seem to think you left out some details.”

“You must have me confused with someone else. I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t, huh?” a fist went to the framed photograph on his wall, shattering the glass as it fell to the ground. The sharp action, the threat, caused Trelawny to jump. If these men didn’t kill him soon his heart would surely do him in.

“I told you, I just got here from Oregon-” It wasn’t acting this time, how his voice pitched up, squeaking out the story he had threaded during their earlier encounter.

A hand grabbed his neck and threw him onto the ground, into the glass. His attacker wasted no time looming over him, leaning down to grab him once more by the throat, pulling Josiah up close to his face.

“Try again.”

“I don’t know anything-”

The fist came at him once. And then twice. He was seeing stars, trying to regain any sense of equilibrium before he was picked up and thrown once more, like a ragdoll, from one side of his caravan to the other. His back hit his counter, knocking the shelves down.

“I said try again.”

Trelawny felt blood coming from his wounds, and an anger building inside him. Fear dissipating for a moment – how dare these men come into his home and cause such a mess. His hand balled into a fist, and he took the moment to throw a punch.

“And I said I don’t know anything, now leave.” He swung his fist, shocking the attacker just long enough to clip the man’s cheek. But before he could follow up, he felt two arms grab him tight from behind. The other bounty hunter. But Trelawny was determined: They had made it clear that he wasn’t getting out of this unscathed whether he cooperated or not.

He brought his elbow up and swung it back in a short, sharp motion- aiming to do as much damage as possible to the gut before he used his elbow and upper arm as the pendulum to swing his fist down into a more sensitive area. The bounty hunter yelped, releasing him.

A glint in the light caught his eye, his cane! A weapon he could get! He made a move for it, pulling it up and swinging down hard with the intent to end this quickly against the man who was doubled over in pain.

Then, there was nothing.

_______

“Then the idiot went after Davey and I grabbed one of the vases and smashed it over his head,” the bounty hunter lit his cigarette and brought it to his lips, “Dropped like a rock.”

“But he didn’t say anything?”

“Not a damn thing,” the man grumbled.

Well, that all certainly explained his splitting headache. He felt the dirt on his cheek, from his face having been in it for who knew how long. But the rest of his body didn’t seem to be responding. Not wanting to alert his new… friends that he was awake, but needing to check his situation, he slowly tried to move his limbs. All he found though was his wrists bound tight together as well as his ankles. Oh, if there was ever a time he wished for the gang to show up from one of their misadventures it would be now.

“Hey, George,” a third bounty hunter spoke to the first, “Look, your friend.”

And then all eyes were on him, and he knew he couldn’t play dead any longer. The bounty hunters eyeing him from their lean-to as he struggled in vain on the ground. ‘George’ gave him a grin, a sickening grin that told Trelawny nothing good was in his future. However futile struggling was, that look made Trelawny only try to free himself faster. It was no use of course, the man stepped over him, straddling him as he pulled his head up off the ground by the throat.

“Good morning, partner,” he said, cruelty in every line on the man’s face.

“I’d brush my teeth if I were you, good sir. You might scare children like that-”

A hand came sharp across his face, “Shut up, fool. You’re in no place to talk to anyone like that.” His throat was gripped even tighter, and Josiah’s body began to panic for air. He could barely register as the man above him spoke.

“Where. Are. They? Where. Is. Dutch?”

“I don’t know any Dutch fellows.” If he wasn’t going to tell them before he certainly wasn’t going to now after they had been so rude and rough.

That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, “Dammit! I know you know!” The hand squeezed his throat tighter, and he felt himself gasping – fighting for air.

“Don’t kill him, George, or we’ll never get our answer. He just needs some more persuasion. Or maybe to be kept with us a little longer. If they find out we have him, they might send someone to get him back.”

“Think he’s worth somethin’ as bait?”

The hand relaxed on his throat and he gasped for air. Trelawny was less than soothed by that idea no matter that it bought him a few more minutes (hours? Days?) of life. He despised the thought of being bait for the Van der Linde gang. Sure, they exchanged favors of bailing each other out of sticky situations, but surely this would cross a line.

“So I can’t kill him but I can….”

Trelawny realized in that moment that he had let himself get distracted by thought, George had returned to his side. His eyes read nothing less than sadistic desire.

Whack! “Ahhh!” His legs dulled with the ache of great pain.

Whack! Pain shot through his side.

Whack! His shoulder screamed.

Each hit pulled a gasp from his lips. He caught a glimpse of the weapon – his cane. It came down on him again, and again.

“Hey, George! What’d we say? You’re going to kill him!”

“Fine by me!”

And then he saw the shine from the metal head of the cane as the shaft was swung down on him. He was out again.

_____

This time when he gained consciousness, he was sitting up. His arms tied still, his legs remained bound, and his vision blurred.

“There he is, good morning sunshine,” it was that George fellow again. Trelawny realized he didn’t have much voice left at all. His body weak, pain aching through every bone and every joint.

It was a time he could genuinely say he wished they would just kill him instead of continuing this treatment.

“Look, friend,” Davey knelt next to him, “We can let you go. Just tell us where they are. We can even give you some of the money. You know how much those guys are worth. You’d never have to work a day in your life again.”

Give him some of the money? Trelawny knew Dutch’s bounty was high. That would be no small sum but- no, how could he even entertain the idea? He might not have many morals, but he certainly had friends.

“I don’t… I don’t know… who you- you’re talking about-”

“BULLSHIT,” George was back in the scene. He kicked over Trelawny’s chair and the man fell to the hard, filthy cabin floor with a hard thud. Before he could gather his bearings once more a sharp foot made contact with his gut. The foot pulled back to go at him again.

“Whoa, George! Relax. We’ll make him talk yet. C’mon, I got an idea,” and Davey gave George a glance. A knowing glance. One that Trelawny was not happy to see them exchanging. He felt himself being yanked up by his arms, each touch hitting a point of injury sending shockwaves through his body and eliciting a cry from his lips. “Let’s get you out of here, come on boy.”

“The thing is,” George spoke as they began to pull the man out of the small cabin and down the steps, “after that shack, this will be remembered like a good time.”

“Put the man down, gentleman.” And then there was the click of two guns.

Trelawny could barely focus long enough to feel the relief wash over him in a tidal wave. That voice. Oh, that dear voice. That sweet voice. George left his side, and then Davey dropped him to the ground. It was another hard fall, but he was so filled with that joyous relief that he barely registered the pain. He wasn’t even sure if the tears in his eyes were from pain or relief – most likely both.

Feet entered his field of vision, a knife too – but any fear was dissipated when he realized it was none other than Charles. Another of Dutch’s loyal knights.

“That the lot of them?”

“I… I think so.” His hands were freed in an instant. His wrists red from chafing as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

“So, you’re alive.” Arthur knelt by him with another knife, getting to work on the binds on his ankles.

“Allegedly.”

“Well, don’t worry. They won’t be for much longer.” Those words sparked that desire for revenge in Trelawny’s heart. Those bastards who broke into his home, kidnapped him, tortured him, and threatened his friends. He had no strength left but he had enough anger to help himself out of his own leg binding.

“Go get them, Arthur. I can handle this.”

Arthur met his eyes, and Trelawny took the second to drink in that familiar, gentle face. The man who was ruthless when necessary, but who had always been a kind – if a little sad – soul to Trelawny. Arthur seemed to be checking with Trelawny, to make sure he would sincerely be alright should he go off to stop the bounty hunters. In response, Trelawny waved his hand – urging Arthur onward. Not just for that desire of revenge either, should those bounty hunters escape they would escape with far too much information. They had to be dealt with accordingly.

In the next moment, Arthur had taken off to the fields. Gunshots rang out. Arthur and Charles will both be fine, he kept telling himself as he struggled to free his ankles. It would be easier if his hands weren’t having such trouble gripping things. Each movement made his body cry in pain, but at least… at least he was safe.

The rope around his ankles became slack after another moment of finicking. The gunshots were still echoing and Trelawny could only hope his friends were not on the receiving end.

Well, he couldn’t just wait here on the ground. In the dirt. His clothes were already filthy, his white shirt had blood stains on it, his beautiful vest simply torn to shreds. Lord only knew what his face looked like. His hair must be an utter mess. He would simply die of embarrassment should they return to him whining on the ground.

He tried to put a hand on the ground to push himself up to his feet, but his elbow buckled under his weight. Pain shot through the arm. His legs told him too we’re not standing. There was a chair on the patio of the small cabin, if he could just make it there he could take a seat like somewhat of a refined gentleman as opposed to a dirt dweller like he was now.

It took him longer than he’d like, and he had more crawled over the dirt than walked, but he found himself able to climb into the chair, letting himself finally take in a moment of peace despite the pain. Arthur is here. Charles is here. And because he had kept his mouth shut this time, he could look them in the face with dignity.

“Mr. Trelawny, where are you?”

He nearly felt the tears threaten again. That voice brought with it so much relief, he wasn’t sure he could ever explain to Arthur just how much it meant to him. Especially in that moment. And that was for no lack of intelligence on the other man’s part, Trelawny knew the man was quite prolific. Dutch and Hosea would have it no other way. “Over here, dear boy!”

“Put your feet up, why don’t you?” Arthur came into view on the hill, the words harsh and teasing but nothing that Trelawny would imagine taking offense to. And as Arthur approached, he could see his face soften and he could hear that kindness in his voice, “You okay?”

“Never finer.” Yes, this outlaw had probably just killed a small handful of other men. However, he had done it out of desire to protect his friends. And Trelawny was just glad that he was in that category. Trelawny tried to stand up, but pain brought him back into his chair.

“So, who was they?” The important question. Josiah couldn’t blame him for wanting to cut right to the chase. The man’s hand was gentle on his back, the other at his arm in quiet support.

“They were bounty hunters, ah, attached to Cole Stoudemire,” that was what they had told him at that camp long ago.

“Okay.”

“They weren’t looking for me, per se.”

“No…” Arthur quietly confirmed the unsaid part. They wanted you, Arthur. They wanted Dutch. “What you tell ‘em?”

Another important question. And one Josiah was glad he could answer with pride, “Not much. I… told them I was an intellectual come down here from Oregon…” He let Arthur steer him towards the horse, accepting his and Charles’ help to mount. He tried to grip the saddle, tried to pull himself up, but he knew he was fooling none of them: he had no energy, no strength left. “…looking for a job at the university. Course, they didn’t believe me. Seems you stirred up quite a hornet’s nest in Blackwater.”

“So I keep hearing.” Arthur backed slowly away from the horse, as though making sure that Trelawny could remain upright.

Josiah met his eyes once more, a little embarrassed by his own need to request yet even more from the gang. But it was how things had to be. “It might be best if I stay with you gentlemen for a while. Can’t go back to that caravan now.”

Not even a moment to think about it passed before Arthur nodded in agreement.

“Alright, Charles, you take Trelawny back to camp. I’ll catch up with you.”

“Okay.” And Charles moved his horse on, Trelawny following close behind. Their previous rides together had been full of Josiah’s stories, thoughts, and ideas. But this ride was different, it was quiet. Trelawny was lost in thought, energy spent with none to spare on a façade. And Charles’ silence was reassuring in its own right.

The bounty hunters had been dealt with. Josiah had been rescued. There would be time to worry about everything else, time to tell Dutch everything he had learned. Time to pay back the gang for saving his life. For now though, the hooves of the horses and the whistling of birds the only sound for miles, there was just time enough for peace.

#{rebloggable}#red dead redemption fanfic #rdr2 fanfic #josiah trelawny #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 #{my writing}#((I might write a drabble after this when Trelawny gets back to camp with Charles))#((but this was just something I've wanted to write for a while so here #it goes right here for now haha))#((I'd also thread an rp based off of this too if anyone wants to rp! :D))

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st-agatha-city · 4 years ago

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Let's talk Casts!

So, St. Agatha, being a dating sim first and foremost, is an ensemble cast. I'm aiming for, in the demo, to have around thirty minutes of content for the nine love interests (some are already pushing a little past lmao...) to act as a hook. That still feels pretty crazy to type out, but at this rate, seems feasible.

Side characters likely won't be included in the demo, though I have been drawing up designs and plots when I hit dead ends or need a break from the more taxing work on St. Agatha. Since the main characters all have canon designs now, it's fun and challenging to make something go the bug-eyed noodle limbed creatures in my notes, to people with faces and fingers 'n' stuff! See Eddie, for an example!

But I am aware that bulky casts and 'excess features' like this can cause bloat. So, as always, I want there to be transparency when developing this game (so long as its fun to do so, and not slowing me down!) And this helps me think!

So, for your information and mine, here is the likely definitive list of characters in the base game!

Pixy Burrow - player/main character

Baxter Face - love interest #1

Denver Washington - love Interest #2

Ian Lane - love interest #3

Marjory Wight - love interest #4

Mindy Mindovitch - love interest #5

Norman West - love interest #6

No Name Girl - love interest #7

Ross Rorkshed - love interest #8

Tara Strange - love interest #9

Nazir Yezdani - NNG's friend

Skyler Dayson - NNG's friend

Darius Baker - NNG's friend

Joan McDonald - Friend of the friends of NNG - NNG hates her

Giv Ahmed - Tara's friend

Walter Dupree - Tara's friend

Connor Wayne - Tara's friend

Eddie Creek - antagonizes Ross

Hadley Puggs - Eddie's friend

Violet Nightley - Eddie's friend

Harvey Rutger - security guard

Gatsby Rutger - works at the theater

Eve Karrow - cashier at Interstellar Market

Donny Graden - cashier at Taco Hut

Boon Kats - delivery guy

So! 25 people total. One player character, nine potential love interests, and another 15 you can befriend/interact with, to varying degrees. Each plays their part, and not all of them have a lot of dialogue (especially the characters who are 'on the clock' like Donny, Boon, and Eve.) Shouldn't be too bad, I don't think? Especially in the base game - and the DLCs will break down my work into more manageable chunks.

It's honestly pretty comforting to me that this part is the hardest, and it'll get easier as I go on ^__^ 💙🛒

#st agatha city #game development #dating sim #visual novel #game dev

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kirby-the-gorb · 4 years ago

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reply roundup!

this week’s highlights:

patreon drawings are up! [heraldinthedark], [lukeperiodsun] and [fleurdelis] :>

new patreon favorites post [here]!

sticker club design for this month has been successfully made [real]!

I’m just really happy with how this [hades] drawing turned out!

there’s a few silly bonus images under the cut too :v

on the last [roundup]:

@littlemousejelly said: oh this is such a cute roundup!!! 😭💕 i'm glad you enjoyed my tags! thank you for the incredible kirby art coming across your blog was a GIFT

aw thank you so much! I love doing these cuz I get to share some of the tags that make me happy with everyone else, and save them so they’re easy for me to reread :>

on [arms]:

@littlemousejelly said: PICK HIM UP!!!!! he'm asking for hug! giv!!

@bubblesthesanddragon said: *picks them up and hugs*

@zer0cracy said: ...spirit bomb.

(balognajoan on twitter also replied with an image of frieza charging a spirit bomb so I already had this one ready XD )

@gingersducksandbubbles said: yay! poyo! aaaay! 🤷🏼‍♀️ like that emoji but more cheerful like

@inexplicably-spookified said: put ur nubs in the air wave 'em like you just don't care

on [spider]:

@littlemousejelly said: BEST FRIENDS! JUST TWO ORBS CHILLIN' IN A HOUSE HUGGING A LOT CUZ THEY'RE BOTH GAY! GORB AND SPIDORB 🥺

you know what, that’s a great point! turns out the spider’s gay too! (I had to show this one to my partner)

on [puddle]:

@littlemousejelly said: OH NO SAD KORBO it'll be okay!!! i pat pat your liddol gumdrop blob self. also op i really hope the ring thing works out soon!

@dragonsandmollusks said: 1. this image is a mood, and 2. I hope you get the ring situation figured out. sucks to hear that happened

thank you both ;u; I’ve got a fidget ring coming in the mail just so I can have something in the meantime, and my partner had been asking about proposing to me a second time a lot lately anyway so she’s pretty content to just get me a new ring soon and maybe we can remake the old one once she’s a rich doctor.

on [hades]:

@ferdinandv0naegir said: oh my goodness, blood and poyo

hehe :3

on [sip]:

@und3rta13tra5h said: So glad you’re doing better! ❤️

thank you! <3 (I keep overdoing it and giving myself headaches and stuff still, but I’ll figure it out eventually and I’m a lot less limited than I was even still -u- )

@orion-flux said: he looks very happy with his juicy I too wish to be that happy

perhaps if you too obtain a juice you may experience such joy :)

on [knife]:

@kaaabbiiii said: knives are for cutting cake!

that’s why kirby seems to have so many! it’s cuz he eats so much cake and doesn’t want to do dishes every day :)

on [mcdonalds]:

@gingersducksandbubbles said: yea this is a mood kirby, been a looooong time but agreed. or a chick fil a and still ordering the same thing you always get. like your hair may be a lil messy and your clothes a lil rumpled from the nap but youre half awake and hungry and dont care and lowkey might fight anyone that looks at you too long. too aggressive? eh oh well still a mood Kirby. also how DARE tumblr to pull a character limit in the tags like twitter used to and then making me retype this. its like when Tumblr had reblog limits way back but now its worse

oh absolutely there is a fight-or-flight instinct associated with being removed from the safety of the car and placed under the harsh fluorescent light of the fast food restaurant. but no one in the restaurant actually cares because 95% of them are doing the exact same thing as you and the other 5% see it all day every day anyway because that’s the nature of a freeway rest stop town but you still somehow feel a little bit like someone’s going to challenge you for being there in such disarray. You Get It.

from the ask box:

anonymous said: Kirby characters are so satisfying to draw. And cats. Those too.

I haven’t figured out cats yet, but they seem like they’d be a lot of fun once you got the hang of them with all those smooth curves. I can say for sure I agree about the kirby characters being satisfying though :>

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accioromione · 5 years ago

Note

I love ron but there was a huge shift of his character from book 3 to 4, he went from literally not minding Harry's fame at all to always being jealous. It seemed so FORCED in book 4 onwards. Like jealous of the cup, jealous of him having gold, jealous of his robes, jealous of him being able to ask out any girl to the yule ball, jealous of Viktor I feel like because it was planned for him to leave she had to force that but it seemed unnatural tbh

I do think JKR pushed it with the Krum thing to kind of make it obvious Ron likes Hermione, otherwise people wouldn’t know right? She had to kind of make it over the top so like it's CLEAR that Ron likes her. If he’s okay with it, it just shows they’re good friends. I think that if this wasn't the case then Ron wouldn't have been as jealous, he’d be annoyed but get over it. As to the thing with Harry, Ron is pretty great overall with him. I think what you’re missing is how the books are told from Harry’s view and not Ron’s so you don’t really see how Ron’s experiencing things.

So naturally, let me do an essay talking about Ron’s jealousy and where it stems from and why it’s justified.

In the first book we see Ron and Harry becoming friends, people oggle at him, but Ron does not seem to mind. Becoming friends so early on, Ron ends up viewing Harry as a friend instead of the celebrity everyone else see’s him as. Ron assists Harry in taking down Voldemort in his first year, and he gets recognized for it by Dumbledore. Now people may not see this, but although he gets recognized- he is awarded 50 points. Now here is something to remember, at this moment- Slytherin is 160 points ahead of Gryffindor. Ron has just one them 50 points- yeah it’s great- but they need another 110 points to be tied. Hermione gives them 50 extra points and starts crying. Then Harry is awarded 60. This makes them tied with Slytherin, and is obviously, 10 more points than Ron gone. So is once again, second best. Ron’s moment is instantly overtook by Harry. Now Harry actually gets overtook by Neville winning 10 points, making Gryffindor win, Now in my opinion Ron doesn’t care at all because he immediately goes to cheer on neville, from book one to three I think Ron is generally okay with being overshadowed- but he just like anyone else would has a breaking point, which happens to be in Goblet of Fire .

In the second book he goes with Harry to the forbidden forrest, facing his arachnophobia, and goes to the chamber of secrets with him. It’s his broken wand that causes Lockhart to obliviate himself- otherwise the both of them would have been obliviated. And yes he has motives, it is his sister. But remember, Ginny has three other brothers in her school, does this mean they don’t care about her? Of course not. Ron just trusts Harry in a way that other characters can’t. Harry can talk to snakes and the whole school basically thinks he is the heir of Slytherin, so maybe falling Harry into a forbidden forrest or chamber of secrets isn’t something everyone is so keen on doing. But Ron trusts Harry and is willing to risk his life to be alongside him. Now is it ROn’s fault they get seperated in the chamber? No. Did Ron help as much as Harry, of course. Dumbledore gives them special services to the school for a reason. However a key thing to note is that Ginny does not see Ron. Who does she see? Harry. What is she going to tell her mum? Well, that Harry saved her. She is already a huge fan of him, so this already adds into her narrative. So what happens when Molly Weasley comes to see Ginny? She goes to hug Harry and thanks him right away, when Ron is right there. Ron says nothing, and he’s probably just happy that she’s safe. But what do you think happened when they went home that summer? Ginny gushed about Harry, she mentioned how he had saved her. Of course, she hadn’t seen Ron so it wasn’t her fault. But this yet again, shows Ron being overshadowed by Harry even though he himself contributed to her well being.

Come the third book, we see this quote

‘“Did you really blow up your aunt, Harry?” said Hermione in a very serious voice. “I didn’t mean to,” said Harry while Ron roared with laughter. “I just — lost control.” “It’s not funny, Ron,” said Hermione sharply. “Honestly, I’m amazed Harry wasn’t expelled.” “So am I,” admitted Harry. “Forget expelled, I thought I was going to be arrested.” He looked at Ron. “Your dad doesn’t know why Fudge let me off, does he?” “Probably ’cause it’s you, isn’t it?” shrugged Ron, still chuckling. “Famous Harry Potter and all that. I’d hate to see what the Ministry’d do to me if I blew up an aunt. Mind you, they’d have to dig me up first, because Mum would’ve killed me. Anyway, you can ask Dad yourself this evening. We’re staying at the Leaky Cauldron tonight too! So you can come to King’s Cross with us tomorrow! Hermione’s there as well!”

This shows that Ron is not ignorant to Harry’s favouritism, he is well aware that harry is more recognized than him. Obviously he is not mad, he’s laughing and thinks it’s great. But it shows how he is well aware that Harry has a treatment that he doesn't, this is important. This is where we get a glimpse of Ron’s perspective in the books. If you experience the events from Ron’s perspective, you’re going through all the adventures Harry goes through minus the same recognition.

Now Goblet of Fire comes along, Harry is chosen to be in the tournament. Ron really wanted to sign up- but he was too young. Keep in mind he's mad at Harry because he thinks Harry found a way to sign up without him, not because he signed up. Ron deals with being pushed to the side all the time and genuinely cares about Harry. Ron just wants to be seen as his equal, he doesn’t care that Harry gets recognition. He literally just wants to be an equal counterpart. He apologizes when he see’s the danger Harry is in and puts that behind him.

Order of the Phoenix Ron beats Harry in one thing- becoming a prefect, and Harry is instantly salty. Keep in mind that Ron has been dealing with this for FIVE YEARS, long term. This one little minuscule thing has Harry feeling some way. Instead of being happy, he APOLOGIZES to Harry. He says he was sure Harry was going to get it. This shows the regard he has for Harry, the difference is, unlike everything else, this is something they simply can’t both have, only one person can be prefect. Then we see Ron literally telling Harry all the things he’s faced and Harry rubbing it in Hermione and Ron’s faces that they haven’t experienced what he has. I personally thought this was so rude. Yes Harry stabbed the diary, yes Harry cast the patronus charm, and yes Harry saw Voldemort. But Ron was with him in the chamber, Ron drove the car, Ron kept Lockhart imprisoned, you think Ron can’t stab a book with a fang? Of course he can. Ron’s leg was literally broken in POA, and he still stood up on it to fight Sirius. Where have we ever seen a time where Ron can’t handle himself? Harry is different, he has this core connection with Voldemort, most of his victories are not due to him- take GOF for example. And what would Harry have done in POA without Hermione’s time turner? Nothing. GOF he wouldn’t have made it past the Dragon if Ron didn’t get Hagrid to tell him he was facing a dragon. Instead of Ron saying all of this he sits and takes it because he knows Harry has it worse than him in terms of Voldemort. He encourages Harry to start DA But also remember why the hell can Harry cast a patronus in the first place? Did he learn it himself? No! Lupin went out of his way to TEACH him, you think Ron wouldn't have been capable if Lupin had done the same with him? Of course, in DA we see Ron casting a patronus! He goes with Harry to the Ministry, he gets hit by a death eater, SO DOES Hermione Granger, why is Harry unaffected? Because the death eaters were TOLD not to harm Harry because VOLDEMORT wanted him! In the end Harry needs help, he needs the order and dumbledore. What comes out of all of this? Harry being recognized. That’s all.

Come HBP , people don’t care about Luna or Neville, Hermione only mentions how Harry is so liked because people know how he was in the Ministry. Then the slug club comes, imagine a club like this in your school, that is BLATANT favouritism, Harry has all these fangirls, and then is a part of this club literally for his name. He’s also now quidditch captain- Ron isn’t even mad, he even jokes that Harry will be his captain if he lets him on the team again. Then he helps Harry yet again with the death eaters and all of that and then we go into DH.

The jealousy comes into play with Harry and Hermione, which honestly Hermione had a part to play in this, Hermione does treat Harry differently from Ron, she’s like always more concerned about him and we know (well some of us) know it’s because he’s like her brother so it’s an overly protective sister kind of thing with him, but with Ron she likes him so she’s not as coddling, she treats him like she's his girlfriend which he fails to see. She also compliments Harry because it means nothing to her but she’s more reserved with complimenting Ron because she likes him (very teenager), she can say Harry’s handsome and not care but be too shy to say Ron is because of how she feels with regards to him. Ron obviously misreads this. Anyways, at the end of the day, him leaving isn’t down to jealousy, it’s down to frustration and Harrys’ lack of empathy for his family. When he comes back we see the Harry/Hermione thing which is just a bigger picture of giving insight to how Ron has seen everything. Ron is so good about it we never really heard his insecurities. But it’s sad how he see’s himself. So honestly, I feel for him and the man had a lot of patience. Hermione and Harry have no regards for his insecurities, Hermione mentions his insecurities ONCE in GOF and then goes onto say Harry should have been perfect, Harry is so brave for going in the ministry, I’m 100% Hermione thought she was giving Ron’s too many hints about her liking him so she didn’t feel like she had to compliment him. Like an ‘obviously I like you so I don’t need to tell how how much all the time,’ but you know Ron misreads it and he gives off that tough persona so Hermione fails to see how he is an actual puppy who hides behind humour. Tabloids are out about Harry and Hermione and how they’re so in love all of that, like he was justified for all his jealousies and he still stood and loved Harry none-the-less, so I think failure to recognize his experience takes from why he was jealous in the first place and that he’s not a bad person for being jealous given the situations he’s been put into.

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lailannajacobs · 5 years ago

Text

A Truthful Devil and a Lying Demon | Counterfeit Criminals pt. 11

Pairing: Loki x fem!reader

Chapter Summary: Loki decides you need to take a pit stop somewhere you’ve never seen before. Things don’t exactly go as planned.

Warnings: Angsty my friends!

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: These characters really have a life of their own because they did not follow the outline I had planned for them, but I think you’ll enjoy this chapter even though it wasn’t at all what I had planned! Love to know what you think! <3

Counterfeit Criminals | Chapter Eleven

“The only reason I’m trusting you with this is because you said it’s imperative to finding the Faberge,” You said begrudgingly, sitting on your hands so that you wouldn’t shove him aside, “Don’t think this is the new normal.”

“I wouldn’t dare. People trusting me has never been normal,” He murmured, steering your ship with ease as if you’d been sitting shotgun to Loki all her life.

His words sent a pang of guilt through you. You had trusted him, once upon a time, and the funny thing was that trusting him felt as normal as driving you own ship. You sighed. He didn’t deserve your harsh critique now, no matter what had happened between you two. You were on edge because he had refused to tell you where you were going, and you were taking your nerves out on him.

Wanting to keep your promise to yourself and let go of your anger, you knew you had to apologize - no matter how much it hurt your pride to do so.

“I’m sorry,” You mumbled, fiddling with the hem of your sweater.

“I’m not asking for trust,” He murmured, “Just a little faith.”

“Isn’t that the same?” You countered, unable to help yourself.

Despite your tone, the corner of his mouth pulled up a little, “If it is, then a little patience. We’re almost there.”

You nodded thoughtfully, “That I can manage.”

He raised a brow as if to say he’d never been witness to your patience. You almost smacked him on the arm then realized he might have a point.

“It’s hard to be patient with that look on your face,” You growled.

His lips spread further into an infuriating grin, “I never said a word.”

“Just keep driving.”

He steered the ship away from one of the main routes you’d taken almost a hundred times and off toward an astroid field. The whole way through, your body was tense, and you weren’t sure you were breathing, but the shop never came close to any of the giant rocks that would surely tear your ship apart. The more you watched on, the more it looked like they parted for him. If it had been anyone other than Loki, you would have dismissed the notion immediately.

The astroids cleared to reveal a tiny planet, about the size of the Earth’s moon. Using the ship’s inter-galaxy information system, you tried to look up the planet, but nothing came up - not even a name.

“What is this place?” You asked as he steered the ship into the planet’s orbit.

He led the ship to the brighter side of the planet, where the sun hadn’t set yet, luscious trees set aglow in the fading light as if they were emeralds. The ground was so dark it almost appeared black, with streaks of gold flashing across it which you quickly realized were massive birds swooping over the plains.

“Loki,” You repeated, a little breathless at the oddly familiar sight, “What is this planet?”

He kept his eyes out front, focusing on landing the ship, “It’s mine.”

“What do you mean, it’s yours?”

But even as you asked the question, you knew exactly what he meant. The landscape was so familiar because it felt entirely like he did. Some people bought a house. It seemed that the Prince of Asgard bought a planet.

“It belongs to me,” He paused, and you thought he wasn’t going to say more, but then continued with a deep breath, “I found it when I was looking for - when I was looking for something else. I decided to make it mine.”

You shot him a curious look, “Who knows you have it?”

He finally looked at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “No one. So, if you would be so kind as to not tell a soul what you’ve seen here, that would be greatly appreciated.”

Nodding, you remained speechless.

He brought the ship down not far from what you presumed to be - for lack of a better word - his house. Unlike the ostentatious gold palaces of Asgard, his home reminded you of a cross between something like a large barn and a gothic church. The look was unlike anything you had ever seen before, but somehow it came across as elegant and completely fitting.

Setting the ship down with care and precision, he sucked in a deliberately slow breath. You said nothing, caught between not being sure what to say and wanting to hear what he would said without your provocation.

Eventually, he spoke up, “If you’d like, we could take a moment’s rest and have something to eat here as well.”

His mouth was pinched tight as if he’d bitten something sour, and his posture was rigid. If you didn’t know any better, you might have said he was nervous. Oddly enough, the feeling put you more at ease and you wanted to do the same for him.

“What,” You asked with a smile, “You don’t like the food I keep on the ship?”

He leaned back in the chair, “Is that what it’s called? Because I’ve had food before, and I can’t quite say I see any resemblance.”

“I think that’s just because you’re a food snob,” You said, rolling your eyes.

He chuckled and you smiled back.

“All right Loki, I guess you’ll have to show me what real food is.”

“I supposed I will,” He murmured.

You followed him out of the ship, the cool air crisp and refreshing as if you were standing at the top of a mountain. A long sigh escaped your lips as if you’d been holding in for longer than you’d ever realized, the smell of pine and lemon soothing your earlier temper. Loki didn’t look back at you, but you noticed his shoulders set lower as well.

The doors opened at your approach and Loki put a hand on the small of your back, guiding you into the beautiful home. The dark woods and sparse furniture gave the open space a sleek look though it was hard to imagine anyone living here.

“And I was thinking,” He continued, looking almost sheepish, “That we could eat our meal on the roof. The view from this planet is quite spectacular.”

You smiled up at him, “That sounds nice.”

He let out a small sigh and motioned for you to follow him.

“How long ago did you say you found this place?” You asked, fingers brushing along the soft wood.

He motioned for you to come through another door, “It feels like forever ago.”

It didn’t slip your notice that it wasn’t a real answer to your question, but you didn’t think you had it in you to ask again. Letting go of your anger meant accepting that there were things Loki wouldn’t want to tell you. The two of you were slowly becoming friends again and that was all you wanted.

“Where are we headed?” You asked, head on a swivel as you tried to take in all your surroundings.

You almost missed the amused look he shot you being so busy observing a globe hanging in the corner of the room that you were pretty sure depicted Earth’s activities in real time.

“What?” You demanded, the look on his face never failing to rile you up.

He shrugged, pausing in front of a modest, wooden door, “It’s been a while since you’ve asked me so many questions without that look in your eyes.”

“What look?”

The amusement faded from his eyes and he whispered, “The one that makes me think you’d like to kill me.”

Annoyed, you tried to shove past him, open the door to whatever lay on the other side, but he blocked your passage. With a sigh, you looked up at him expectantly.

He raised a brow as if he was waiting for an answer, and in a way, you supposed he was.

You rolled your eyes, “Is this your way of asking if I still want to kill you?”

He nodded.

But really, there were a million other questions running through both of your minds, neither of you brave enough to voice any of them aloud. Your breathing shallowed at the look on his face, the intensity of those eyes threatening to root you to the spot forever.

Refusing to make a big deal of anything that might have rightfully deserved it, you opened the door and breezed past him into a kitchen.

You were just as impressed by the kitchen as you were the rest of the place, but you couldn’t forget that you hadn’t answered his question.

Turning to face him, you leaned your elbows back against the counter, “I don’t want to kill you, but knowing you, that could easily change in the future.”

His face clouded over, and it was as if all the air was sucked from the room. He took several quick steps, moving with the speed and grace of a skilled predator. He stopped just far enough away that he could say your bodies weren’t touching, the distance so close that you had no choice but to tip your head back if you wanted to see anything other than his chest. You could feel the air drop a few degrees, icy air rolling off him in waves.

“Loki-”

“Is it because you’re afraid?” The anger in his whisper was barely controlled, the war to keep the composure on his face evident in the reel of emotions playing in his eyes.

It took you a second to realize what he was talking about, and when you understood, you stood up and got in his face before realizing what you were doing, anger clouding your judgement.

“When have I ever been afraid of you?” You jabbed him in the chest knowing it was the only thing you could do to stop yourself from smacking him upside the head, “When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I’m not like everyone else? You don’t scare me, Loki. I’m pissed at you because you left me to die!”

Your shrill voice bounced off the walls, the last word echoing on and on in the second of silence that seemed to last an eternity. He opened his mouth to speak but you didn’t let him. You’d broken the dam with that word and there was no holding back the flood now.

“You left me to die, Loki,” Your voice cracked but you pushed on, “Whatever scheme you had planned was worth leaving me to die. All while pretending you had-” You cut yourself short before you could give voice to feelings you knew he’d never had in the first place, “You pretended we were friends and that you were honouring our agreement when really you were just serving your selfish needs. My escape was nothing more than a diversion and you couldn’t have care less if I died.”

He clenched his teeth, jaw working as he sucked in a breath, “You’re right, Midgardian, I was selfish. But I do no regret actions and I never will, even if you leave right now and never say another word to me again.”

“I don’t-”

“Let me finish,” He growled, backing you up into the counter, “Would you like to know why I did what I did? What scheme I had concocted that was worth putting your life at risk?”

“Why should I let you finish?” You spat back, “I know damn well all you’ve ever wanted was the crown.”

“That was true until I met…” He stumbled on his words, eyes widening as if he was afraid of what was going to come out of his mouth.

“Don’t lie to me. You’ve always wanted the crown,” You whispered angrily.

He raised a brow, some of his composure returning, “Maybe so, but do you really believe that was the best way for me to go about it? Think about it, Midgardian. What do you think I was doing when you found me bloody and injured in the hallway that day? Did you think I had risked my life for a simplistic plan that was so easily foiled?”

Whatever you were about to say next died in your mouth and you stared up at him, his words tugging on something in your mind. You almost wanted to believe him. His words rang true in some way, but he had always been good with words. You’d seen it time and time again at the parties the two of you had gone to together. Believing him the first time had been a mistake. Believing him a second time would only be stupid.

“Find your own way to Asgard,” You muttered.

Shaking your head, you pushed past him, tears burning behind your eyes. Loki didn’t move to stop you. You tried not to run out of there, taking measured steps until you burst out of the house into the cool night air. Choking on a sob, you managed to hold it together, but every step was shaky over the smooth ground. The faint sound of alarm caught your attention, but the sound disappeared before you could think anything of it.

You marched on, your energy draining with every step closer to your ship and the thought of never seeing Loki again. Vaguely you couldn’t help but notice the rainbow of shooting stars streaking across the sky and that the view really would have been nice from his roof. You shoved the thought aside and stumbled onto your ship. What you really wanted to do was collapse onto your bed and sleep until you could forget everything, but you knew you had to get off this planet. If you stayed here any longer, you might be tempted to believe Loki and you couldn’t let that happen.

Every one of your movements was a blur, your body acting on autopilot until you were lifted off the ground and out of the astroid field.

Then Loki burst onto your ship out of thin air, eyes wild, frantically searching the ship. When his eyes locked onto yours, he crossed the distance before you realized what was happening. His hands gripped either sides of your arms and held on tight as if he was afraid something bad would happen if he let go.

“YN you need to listen to me.”

You tried to shake him off, but he held on, “I don’t want to hear your excuse.”

“This is not an excuse, there are-”

“Loki I don’t care,” You snapped, trying to return to navigating your ship.

“That’s not why I’m here,” He growled, “You’re in danger.”

You scoffed, “Is this really your way of avoiding the truth?”

He looked murderous and desperate all at once, “I can give you the truth later as you long as you listen to me now!”

You’d never seen him act this way, but you were still to hurt to think rationally - to listen to the part of your gut that was telling you something was wrong. Whatever it was that he wanted, you weren’t going to give it to him. Not this time.

Jutting your chin up, you crossed your arms, “I’m not letting you pull me along this time. Tell me the truth now and then I’ll think about listening to you.”

“Fine,” He ground out, eyes fiery, “I did what I did because Odin-”

You never got to hear what Odin had done because a shot blasted into the side of your ship and everything went black.

#loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #Loki Angst #loki x you #loki x reader #loki x female reader #marvel fic #MCU fic #fan fiction #fanfic #reader insert #counterfeit criminals

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antigoneidk · 5 years ago

Text

Since you guys wanted it here it is:)

Leave|t.h. part2

part 1

Five days. The worst days of your life. Your mental health was bad. Everything was black to you. Your point of view changed.You had mental breakdowns at least 2 times a day and even though your friends tried to cheer you up,they couldn't.

You didn't eat,drink. You were all day in a bed crying at the situation you were into. You couldn't even walk. Well you tried a couple of times but you weren't strong enough.

You wanted him. You needed him.

Memories from your fight came up again to your mind and you couldn't help but cry again. This was exhausting and you were sick of this.

You basically broke up with him. You couldn't stand his attitude the last couple of months. He was never there for you and even if he was, he always distanced himself.

But here you are. Crying over him,regretting your decision and blaming yourself for this.

How could you do that to him? He said he wasn't himself. He needed you and you left him alone. You ran away from it.

"Running away from your problems isn't going to solve them" that was exactly what you said to him. And that's what you were doing right now.

"Y/N are you okay honey?" your friend came to your room sitting next to you.

"Well I woke up five minutes ago and I just started crying"you said wiping your tears away.

"That's better than yesterday. You started to cry 3 minutes after. See in a couple of days it'll be even more" she laughed and gave you a bid hug trying to change your mood. You laughed a little too.

"How about this? You come down eat the pancakes I've mad, which I know you like,and then see an old romantic movie. Huh? The others will be here soon"she suggested and you looked at her with denial. You just wanted to stay alone.

"No it's fine I'll stay here"you said

"No I don't think it is. You haven't left this room for 5 days and the only thing you do is cry. You don't even eat at this point. Yes break ups suck but you have to face the facts and move on. I can't look at you being like this. You don't deserve this"she said and hugged you again. You felt her hands squeeze around your waist as you left the breath you were holding for a little. She wiped your tears and left you there.

She was right. You shouldn't be like this. You have to move on and look for the best in life. Find happiness and joy.

You left the bed you were for this past couple of days. You tried to manage the powers you got and make it to the kitchen.

The smell of the pancakes and the other foods she made came to your nose making your stomach scream. You almost lost balance at some point but you grabbed the door trying not to fall.

"Oh my you need help?"your friend came to you scared.

"No no! I got this"you smiled and made it to one of the chairs near the table.

"What do you want to eat?" Your stomach complained to you after her question,like it was just another human being sitting next to you.

"Well as you heard we want a little bit of everything"the both of you laughed as your friend served you a huge breakfast,just like you needed it.

Your 4 girlfriends were sitting on the sofa watching "Mystic Pizza" one of your favourite romantic comedies. You found similarities in all of these characters. But after all your favourite was Kat.

"Hey Y/N are you okay baby?" one of your friends asked you and placed her hand over your shoulders bringing you close to her.

"I'm trying you know. I'll be fine in a couple of months I'm sure"

"Months? Bro what do you mean? You are going to be like this for months? I am not letting you no no! This is the moment where you are forgetting about this asshole and you move on! Now!" the blonde girl of your group screamed at you making weird faces and movements that made all of you laugh.

"It's just hard you know? I love him with everything I have. But lately he changed. He came home late sometimes drunk. He even pushed me from his anger at some point.

And I wanted to tell him what was going on and try to fix it together as a couple. Is what couples do right? But he never listens.

The night I left him he came to me saying that he was lost and not himself. But it was late. I cried so much that night I won't ever forget it."you said to your friends. Your eyes "sweating".

"Why you guys broke up? I mean I get why but what caused it?"the girl next to you asked getting judgy faces from the others.

"He left me from his friends. No that I have something with them they are family but I wanted to spend the night with him cuddling and all that jazz. You know that our schedules were fucked up and this was the only chance so I lied to them saying that he wasn't with me and suddenly he got mad and left. Am I wrong now?"you questioned yourself again.

This was stupid.

"You were right I think. If you tried to talk and he just didn't listen you have nothing to worry about. He is a dickhead trust me. These boys ain't shit."

"But they love each other though. I know he loves you from a fact and I know you love him too. You are right but if he came to you after saying that he wants another start I suggest you to think about it. You guys are endgame"

"No! He didn't treat her right. If he wanted to he could have seen his mistakes and try to fix them earlier. She said it's late now for her. And if she thinks that way she better get over him now!"

"I can't believe you! You don't want her happiness? She is happy with him. He wants to fix this. He said it. So I think you should give him a second chance. He knows Y/N that he wasn't being the best boyfriend and he regret this. But he didn't want you to see that that's why he was with his friends. He wanted an advice. He wanted help"

"Who do you know? You think you know everything?"

"He called me"

At that point you got up between your 2 friends who were arguing. They wanted you to be happy but their help wasn't useful like this.

"What do you mean he called you? You guys are friends. Okay see Y/N this is ridiculous!"

"Okay guys I appreciate your help but you are not helping. Please I can't have you guys fight over my problems."you said quietly tired from the tension in this room.

"When did he called you?"you repeated the question staring at your best friend.

"Welk he didn't actually call me.After you got to my place and after you fell asleep your phone started ringing and I picked it up and he was him.

You have to believe me when I say that he loves you Y/N. He's just a little lost. He needs your help. Only yours."she grabbed your hands.

"Please giv-"

The sound of the door bell stopped her. She headed towards the door. The person behind it was the one you hoped you wouldn't see these days. You were a mess.

"Tom. Hey" she greeted him and let him step inside.

"Hey girls" he said looking only at you. You immediately looked at your friend next to you avoiding nothing but his eyes.

"What are you doing here? You want something to eat? I've made pancakes If you want"

"No I came here to talk to Y/N only. If we can speak for ten minutes and then I'll leave. Once and for all" you looked at him when he called your name. Your thoughts a chaos.

"Only if she wants to"your friends defended you.

You nobbed your head at them saying that you were going to be quick. After your friends left you alone with him you sat down at the couch looking at your feet without knowing what to say.

He sat next to you. Your heart started to beat faster than usual. This wasn't a good sign.

"I missed you. I missed your face,your touch,your heartbeat,your breath,your smell,your lips,your body next to mine. I missed all of you Y/N.

I know I was an asshole. I admit it. I am for not telling you before. It's just hard for me to express to you this kind of problems. I thought that you might leave me cause of this. But the opposite happened. You left me because I didn't told you. I know.

You have to believe me baby. I want to try again. I love you Y/N. I can't lose you like this. Even though I deserve this. Can I have a second chance?" He grabbed your cold hands into his warm ones. He gave them little kisses making you realize how much you missed him actually.

"You broke my heart Tom. You really did. I was there for you and I told you that you could say everything to me. Nothing was going to change the way I felt about you. You knew it but even then you didn't say anything. How can I be sure that you are going to change that huh? People don't change easily."you confessed your fear to him. Seeing your man like that grew the sadness inside you.

His eyes were red and he had dark circles under. It was the first time looking at him like this. His hands trembling at your words. He was weak.

"My sweet baby. I..I want to help me. I need you in my life. We have been together for years. Let me show you that I can change to a person you deserve to be with. I love you so much"his hands were now on your cheeks shaking.

Damn his touch.

He kissed you gently on your lips sending electricity to your veins. You let out tears from your eyes as you kissed him back

You were a roller coaster now. Fear,love,sadness,happiness. You felt everything.

You wanted to tell him to fuck off. Leave you alone to try explore and find someone better than him. That could treat you right and fight with you.

But you also wanted to give him a chance to prove you wrong. That he was the one you were looking for. The boy you needed and needed you. The boy you fell in love with. The boy that wanted to change for you. The boy you loved and wanted.

You both smiled at your kiss. You hugged him squeezing your hands around him don't wanting to let go. Crying from the pain you got for almost a week.

"I swear I'd die for your love baby."he said looking at you with joy. You smiled through pain and looked down.

How did you do this to him? You shouldn't have left him that night. You had to be with him then and try to get through it. Was it late now?

"Baby look at me! It's not late! Let me make up for the time we lost"he placed his forehead to yours looking deep to your eyes and soul. He knew you well.

"Let's make up for this together"you said and kissed his lips again.

You had made the right decision. You wanted it to be the right decision. You had love for him. His was your everlasting love.

_________________

HERES THE HAPPY ENDING YOU WANTED YOYOYO

let me guys now your thoughts😂

How would you react to something like this?

{Gifs not mine}

#tomholland #tomhollandx #tomholland?reader #tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #tom holland x #tom holland fluff #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom #holland #far from home #avengers #homecoming #tom holland

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mayquita · 7 years ago

Text

Pictures of Reality (13/16)

Merry Christmas everyone!! This week has passed almost without realizing it but we’re already here, with a new chapter of PoR. As always, thank you so much for all your support and for continuing to give this story a chance.

Summary: Emma Swan returns to her birthplace, Storybrooke, in search of a fresh start after a life marked by abandonment and betrayal. After a year there, she finds the stability she needed and also the possibility of learning about one of her passions, photography. Killian Jones, a former British war reporter with a tragic past, establishes himself in the same town as an instructor of photography, following in the footsteps of his best friends, the Nolans. What will happen when their paths cross? Will their common passion for photography help them heal old wounds?

Rating: M (Language, mature themes, implied sex)

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, mentions of the loss of a limb in an armed conflict.

Other ships / Characters: Although, obviously, this is a cs fic, Snowing plays a major role here, mainly David. In fact, the story contains three different points of view, those of Emma, Killian and David. Also, Henry appears in the story as Regina’s adopted son but he is not Emma’s biological son.

Beta: I’d like to express my gratitude, as always, to my beta @jarienn972 I’m aware that you have had to deal with a monster of more than 100k words and English is not my mother tongue, so I value your effort even more.

Artist / art: Go visit @imagnifika’s blog and enjoy her amazing art. The art that accompanies this chapter includes one of Emma's post on her Instagram account. I’ve added it at the end, for reasons...

Art for the prologue/ Art for chapter 1 / Art for chapter 2 and banner / Art for chapter 3/ Art for chapters 4-5 / Art for chapters 6-7/ Art for chapter 8 / Art for chapter 10 / Art for chapter 11 / Art for chapter 12

Special mention to @saraswans , thank you so much for your perpetual support, for believing in me when I doubted myself and for offering ideas to make this story grow.

Don’t forget to go read and enjoy the rest of the amazing csbb stories and art.

Word count: ~ 7800 (116k total in 16 chapters)

Also on (From the beginning): Ao3 / Ffnet (Current Chapter) Ao3 / Ffnet

Tumblr: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

What to expect from this chapter? This is one of my favorites. In fact, it includes two of my favorite scenes from the whole story. David is involved in the first one. As for the other one… you’ll have to read it…

CHAPTER 12

My dearest Emma,

You probably would be surprised because today is not your birthday, Christmas or any other special event, but I felt the need to bare my soul and I have not found a better way to do it than through you, my dear daughter.

I may be a fool after so many years apart, but I still hold the almost vain hope that someday these letters, these little confessions in the form of written words will come to you. That's why I will not hesitate to continue writing to you until I exhale my last breath, Emma.

And I need you today, I need to hold on to something stable when my whole world falters and despair threatens to take hold of me, while I feel helpless, unable to protect my loved ones.

I have already talked to you on more than one occasion about Killian and how I have felt guilty several times because my paternal instinct, that which should have been destined to you, was directed instead towards that child who is now a grown man. On the contrary, my desire to protect him has not changed in the least as he grew up. When misfortune seems to prey on him, hit him again and again, my protective instinct grows.

That is why now the feeling of failure is more intense. Killian lost his love yesterday in tragic circumstances and my wife, your mother, lost a great friend. And I was unable not only to prevent it from happening but also I don’t know how can I comfort them, how can I help them when the pain is also consuming me inside.

It is hard to see how the flame of Killian's eyes is slowly disappearing without you being able to do anything to fan it. What can I do, Emma? How can I help my friend? My family?

I desperately hope that wherever you are, your life is full and that you have found happiness. Otherwise, what would be the point that we had spent all these years away from you if we didn’t manage to give you your best chance? I don’t know if I could bear the thought of failing you as well even more than we did when you were born.

As I told you in the rest of the letters, I keep thinking about you every day and I keep fantasizing about the idea that you and we are destined to meet sooner or later. Who knows? Maybe it's not too late for us or for Killian. Maybe one day we get to be a complete family. Until then, my best wishes go to you,

Your father who loves you deeply and who never forgets you,

David.

David Nolan. Storybrooke - March 1, 2018

"Emma, are you inside?" David knocked on the door again, with no response. Still, he didn’t want to give up now that he had come this far. "I've talked to Henry. I know you're home."

After a few more seconds of waiting, the door was still closed and there were no signs of Emma. Maybe she is taking a shower, he thought of a failed attempt to convince himself. Reluctant to leave without at least making one last attempt, he rested his ear against the smooth surface, trying to pick up any sound, however subtle, that told him Emma was indeed there.

Maybe it was his imagination, but he seemed to sense the sound of footsteps on the other side of the door. That was all he needed. "Okay, then." A sigh of resignation escaped his lips. "I would have preferred this conversation to unfold without any barrier between us, but I suppose this is better than nothing."

He placed the box on the floor next to him as he stood in front of the door, his forehead and the palm of his right hand resting on the wooden surface. He swallowed, dragging down the lump in his throat and closed his eyes for a moment, pulling himself together before beginning to speak.

"I... I didn't come here to apologize, nor to excuse any of our acts. I hope... I really hope we have the opportunity to continue this conversation when you feel ready."

David paused, waiting for some reaction from Emma. Still nothing. He pinched the bridge of his nose as the shadow of doubt crossed his mind fleetingly, making him question whether it was really worth continuing or was just a waste of time. He came to the conclusion that, although he didn't get any response from Emma, at least he would be able to expel those thoughts from his system.

"I'd like to talk about Killian today. I'm aware that you're mad at him, I... we understand your reasons. Our behavior was certainly inexcusable and it seems that we make one mistake after another in relation to you."

The grip of guilt and regret had not loosened the pressure on his heart over the years, on the contrary, from time to time it took a swipe at him, causing a bleeding wound difficult to plug. For that reason, he was forcing himself to defend his friend, as a way of putting a bandage on his wounded heart, as a means of atoning for his sins.

"He had no idea of your identity when he started the course. We didn't know you were going to attend either, so I guess it was just a matter of chance that you two crossed paths."

He breathed out on a shaky exhale before continuing, while he hoped to keep his voice stable enough now that the most painful part of his explanation was coming. "We... I took advantage in a certain way when he was at a low and vulnerable moment to ask him for help. Now I see that I should never have put him in that situation. You were our responsibility, not his. He has had that pressure on him, the idea of being a burden for us, of not being enough. I suppose that although, in a selfish way, I thought I was offering him the possibility of feeling useful. How wrong I was..."

David paused again as he pressed back his ear against the door. This time he did hear something, it wasn't his imagination. It was the sound of something or someone slipping down from the smooth surface, as if a person had been leaning against the door and was letting its body slide down. He imitated the position he thought Emma was keeping on the other side of the door and sat on the floor, aiming to be even closer to her.

"Confiding our secret and asking him to help us get to know you were a burden for him, reaching the point that he felt unable to handle the situation and was willing to leave to give us more time to figure out how to tell you the truth."

Once he had started with that exercise of sincerity he could not stop. "Regina told us about your past... Emma, I know I said earlier that I wasn't going to deal with that topic today, but let me tell you just this, I'm so deeply sorry..." David blinked a couple of times, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. "If I had known that you were going through this ordeal we... I don't know, there's no point lamenting now. We... we just were terrified of ruining everything you had achieved here in Storybrooke if we told you the truth."

David was aware that his voice sounded broken but also honest. He expected Emma to at least appreciate that. "It turned out that we ended up doing just that, not only with you, but with Killian." Before continuing, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Despite the inner struggle that Killian has been carrying these months, I had never seen him as happy as when he was with you. His gaze had regained its vivacity after so many years, so I beg you not to close the door to him for good. I'm certain that you are both meant to be together and I would never forgive myself for having cut off the wings of your future. I know that I'm placing a responsibility on you that you don't deserve but, if you feel the same for him, as I suspect you do, I only ask you to give him at least one chance to explain himself."

He rested the palm of his hand on the door, caressing the surface while he imagined it was his daughter whom he caressed in an attempt to comfort her. "Thanks for listening to me, Emma." He whispered as his gaze fell on the box he had brought. "You may not believe it or even find it insulting, but since I had the opportunity to see you for the first time when you were just a newborn baby, I never stopped thinking of you. You've always been with me, Emma, both in my mind and in my heart. When you open the door you will find proof of my words."

No sound or movement came from the other side of the door. After letting out a deep sigh, David finally got up and started walking away from the door, feeling that with each step he took, he moved further away from his soul, leaving it hidden in a box in the middle of a lonely hallway.

Only when he went outside and was hit by a cold breeze did he realize that his cheeks were wet from the tears that had finally escaped his eyes.

Emma Swan. Storybrooke - March 1, 2018

Emma remained in the same position, sitting on the floor, her back and her head resting against the front door of her apartment for what seemed like hours, as she let the tears fall freely down her cheeks.

By the time she had heard David's voice on the other side of the door, she had felt paralyzed, unable to react at first. Slowly, a wave of mixed feelings had begun to take hold of her. She wasn't prepared to listen to revelations about her origins or to relive her terrible experiences as an orphan. For that reason, she hadn't opened the door, but David's voice had attracted her like a magnet, so she had stayed there all the time, assimilating his words while her heart constricted in her chest.

His voice had given off a raw honesty that Emma had not expected. Even so, her anger had increased when her suspicions were confirmed through David’s words. Killian had been just another victim, who had made wrong decisions, but excusable because of the complex position in which he had found himself.

She could not forgive them, not yet, not when his confession and the little glimpses he had dropped were too painful to ignore.

But she had also been unable to stop her emotions, and after squeezing her eyes closed in an unsuccessful attempt to keep the tears for falling, she had finally given up. At least she had managed to swallow the sob bubbling in the back of her throat, both hands covering her mouth, forcing herself to remain silent.

She waited a few more minutes, terrified at the thought of opening the door and finding that David was still there. When she thought that more than enough time had passed for him to leave, she finally got up, but before opening the door, she looked through the peephole to make sure that the hall was empty.

There was something on the landing when she finally dared to open the door, a cardboard box, its size a little larger than a shoe box, with an inscription written in an elegant cursive on the lid of the box: Letters to Emma from her father, 1989-2018.

Quickly, she grabbed the box, feeling its touch on the tips of her fingers as if it burned, and went to her bedroom, putting it in the most hidden corner of her closet, while her heart pounded in her chest, warm tears gliding again down her cheeks.

She did not feel strong enough to deal with the content of those letters. She wasn't even sure that she would ever be able to do it.

There was something she was sure of though. She needed Killian, she missed him terribly, and after his friend's confession, her willingness to listen to his own explanations had increased. But before, she needed to sleep, that rollercoaster of emotions that she was experiencing since last Monday was taking a toll on her, leaving her so exhausted that she felt like her brain was unable to properly process everything that was happening.

Killian Jones. Storybrooke - March 3, 2018

The nerves gripped Killian's stomach as he rubbed the palm of his hand on his pants to wipe the sweat. He was there, in front of Emma's apartment trying to gain enough confidence to knock on the door. David’s experience in this same place two days ago made him hesitant, despite how he longed to see her again and only this small barrier separated them physically.

David hadn't offered him any details of his unexpected visit to Emma's apartment, only that Emma hadn't opened the door to him even though he was certain that she had been home at that moment.

Killian had also learned for the first time the existence of the letters that David had written to Emma throughout her life. His heart ached for his friend. He could not even imagine the suffering he had carried all these years, so he hoped that those letters would have an effect on Emma, if only to give them the opportunity to explain themselves.

But he would have to leave those worries for another time. Right now, he had to carry out his own mission. His jaw clenched, a sharp intake of breath coming through his teeth before he finally decided to knock on the door.

To his surprise, Emma opened the door before he even had time to process it. Suddenly, he found himself face to face with her and all rational thought vanished from his mind, while his throat closed preventing him from making any sound.

"Hi." Her lips drew an awkward smile, but at least her expression was softer than the last time he had seen her. While she watched him, a thin crease appeared between her brows. "You look horrible."

"Hey." A sound that seemed like a croak escaped his lips. He cleared his throat, hoping to get his voice back as he reached out to scratch behind his ear. "I can't say the same about you, Swan. You look beautiful, as always."

He wasn't lying. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy braid falling over her right shoulder, her face was fresh, no trace of makeup, and although he could detect a slight reddish hue around her eyes, the green of her gaze was as intense as ever. The soft pink blush that appeared on her cheeks after hearing his words only caused her natural beauty to increase.

His surprise grew when she, far from looking defensive or cautious, stepped aside while offering him a shy smile. "Come in."

The corners of his lips rose slightly in an attempt at a smile as he passed by her side and entered her apartment with somewhat hesitant steps. Emma's attitude had caught him completely off guard. Instead of her being belligerent or distant, he had met a cordial Emma who at least seemed willing to listen to him.

"Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea? Something stronger?" She asked as she made her way to the kitchen.

"A tea would be fine. Thank you, love." While waiting for Emma to return, Killian took off his jacket and placed it on the rack next to the door, then went to the couch where he sat on the edge of the seat, feeling the nerves gripping his stomach with even more pressure.

Emma returned a few minutes later, holding two steaming cups in her hands. She handed one of them to Killian before sitting on the other side of the couch, keeping a proper distance between them, but her torso turned slightly toward him as she held the cup of what he thought was hot chocolate with both hands.

An awkward silence fell over them while they pretended to be very busy with their respective drinks. A weird thought crossed his mind then, as he watched Emma hold the steaming cup in her hands. His gaze shifted to his prosthesis while he thought of the advantage of the absence of touch there. No matter how hot his cup was, he could always use his prosthesis to hold it, thus protecting his only hand from possible burns.

"Your friend David came here two days ago." Emma's voice broke the silence, freeing him from those weird thoughts.

"Aye, he told me." He nodded in a tentative motion, not quite sure that he liked the way their conversation had just started.

"Did he also tell you that he talked to me through the door? It was more like a monologue, as I guess you have already figured out." Emma's face remained impassive, though Killian detected a subtle hint of bitterness in her words. He suspected that the mention of David was intentional. Maybe it was her way of telling him that she knew some details in advance before he had to explain himself? And why wouldn't David have told him anything about that conversation — or rather monologue?

"No, I didn't know." He admitted. "He just told me that he gave you the letters he's been writing to you since you were born..."

"I don't want to talk about that right now." Emma cut him off abruptly. Killian was aware he had taken the wrong step when a stormy shadow crossed her gaze, darkening her features.

Again the silence fell over them, while they finished their drinks and left the empty cups on the coffee table. Emma pressed her lips together in a thin line as she rubbed her forehead with one hand. Then, she raised her gaze, looking for his. "What did you come for, Killian?" She asked through a whisper.

The moment of truth has come, Killian thought as he took a deep breath in an attempt to gain enough self-confidence to bare his soul once more in front of her.

"I didn't have the opportunity to explain myself the other day, you know... I've come to ask you to allow me to offer my explanation of everything that has happened. I only ask you to listen to me, Swan." Killian's eyes bored into hers, while he held his breath, waiting for her reaction.

Emma held his gaze for a few seconds, her lashes fluttering against her cheeks as she assessed his request. Killian detected an almost imperceptible nod of her head, as if she were trying to convince herself. After taking a deep breath, she finally agreed. "Okay, I'm listening."

That was the only sign Killian needed to finally open his heart and let go of all the worries that had plagued him in the last few months.

He told her about the first time he was aware that his friends had kept a secret from him from the beginning. The memory of that hungover morning after the anniversary of his brother's death and his confrontation with David still felt like a fresh wound.

Emma had been his confidant at that time, so nothing he was telling her was new to her. Still, she listened intently, her gaze never leaving his. She was also aware of the state in which he had found himself before knowing the truth, with that oppressive need to compensate his friends for everything they had done for him over the years, to feel useful in some way and not a total failure.

Before continuing, he swallowed hard in an attempt to drag down the lump that was forming in his throat. Then, he revealed to her how his friends had finally trusted him enough to share their secret with him. He saved for himself all the details of the unfortunate experiences of David and Mary Margaret as it was evident that Emma wasn't yet ready to face those revelations. Even so, he could detect a shadow of hurt crossing her gaze.

If he hadn't known the existence of that secret, it would have been unimaginable for him to think that his friends had gone through such a traumatic experience. They had always been his rock, his support. They had always offered him hope when he only saw a dark void in front of him.

"They only revealed your identity once they finished telling me their secret, when they explained to me the reasons why they needed my help."

Killian noticed how Emma shifted uncomfortably in her seat, while she averted her eyes. He would have given anything to find a way to spare her suffering, but sadly there was not, so he had no choice but to continue.

"It was a shock to me, Emma, since I had already begun to develop feelings for you and, what's worse, you even had dropped some glimpses of your past. It was hard to learn some of those details from them instead of from yourself. It was as if, with that revelation, they had taken part of our history together." Emma's features hardened, as her gaze met his again. She remained silent, though.

"Maybe you don't believe it, but I think I've never felt so pressured in my whole life with the feeling that, whatever I did, I was already condemned. From the moment I knew the truth, regardless of whether they had asked me for help or not, I was destined to fail, either to them or to you, as it ended up happening." The last words were accompanied by a bitterness that he could almost feel on the tip of his tongue. Although he had tried to stay calm throughout his confession, he was about to break, so he felt the need to pause to try to gather his thoughts and pull himself together.

Emma took that pause as an opportunity to intervene. "Do you realize that they took advantage of you? That they used the moment of vulnerability you were going through to ask you a favor that you weren't going to be able to refuse?" The way she addressed him, with a mixture of resentment towards his friends but also with a determination to protect him, did something with his insides, his mixed feelings colliding once more.

He let out a deep exhale. She was right, but it wasn't that simple. "Aye, but they were in a desperate situation."

Emma huffed, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. "Why? Why didn't they just tell me?"

She didn't wait for an answer. Now that she had finally decided to express herself, she continued speaking in a voice that, although controlled, showed glimpses of the endless feelings that she had been accumulating in recent days. "He, David, told me that they were afraid of my reaction given my past, that they didn't want to ruin what I had achieved here in Storybrooke, but what they got by acting that way is much worse."

"Emma..." He longed to reach her, to ease her pain somehow. He acted instinctively, reaching out and placing his hand over hers, the touch with her warm skin burning through his veins towards his heart. She didn't reject his touch, just stared at their joined hands until, with a move of her hand, she entwined her fingers with his.

Her gaze sought his again, the corners of her lips twitching into a tiny smile. That was all he needed to continue. "We made a terrible mistake, I'm aware, but I was the one who made the decision to help them, after all. They didn't force me." His voice trailed off for a moment, but he needed to bare his soul even more. "I can't even express in words how deeply sorry I am for all the suffering we've put you through." He was aware that he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, exposing himself to her with raw honesty.

"The day you introduced them to me... that was part of the plan, wasn't it?" She asked with a tiny voice.

He simply nodded, his lips pressed together as a new wave of shame swirled in his gut.

"The day of the snow was also a setup, and the party after..." She did not ask but confirmed to herself what she already suspected in advance. Although Emma squeezed her eyes shut stubbornly for a few seconds, she could not help a single tear sliding down her cheek.

He had never wanted anything so much in his entire life as he wished he had two hands at that precise moment, because he wasn't willing to let go of her hand, but the need to wipe away her tears was so compelling that he acted instinctively again, reaching out with his prosthesis and brushing the skin of her cheek with a light-feather touch. The way she leaned her head accepting his touch, caused his heart to swell with admiration towards her.

"Those were my only interventions. You got along with them right away. Everything else went smoothly." He admitted, while squeezing her hand lightly.

"And what about your sudden changes of attitude, like the day I confessed about Neal and Walsh?" There was no recrimination in her voice, he could only detect a hint of genuine curiosity, as if she needed to know and assimilate everything that had happened in the last few months.

He let out a humorless laugh. "It turns out that I'm a terrible actor and I couldn't pretend. Every time I looked you in the eyes and remembered the secret that I kept inside me, it was as if a force pulled me, almost leading me to confess." The memory of that day came to his mind in flashes. "And regarding that day, I felt terribly ashamed, a fraud. I was acting with you in the same way that those two guys did." He looked away, feeling a wave of revulsion creep up his throat.

"Killian..." This time it was she who squeezed his hand. "Killian, look at me." She urged in a soft but firm voice. Although hesitant, he agreed, trying to seek refuge in the intensity of her green eyes. "Don't you ever dare to compare yourself to those two assholes. You were always at my side, trying to protect me in some way, worried about my feelings. So no, it's not the same." Emma said with such determination that he had to invoke all his self-control to avoid pulling her towards him and kissing her senseless right there.

His mind then traveled to the crucial moment, the day when everything had ended up exploding. He felt the need to explain the reasons for his failed attempt to travel to London. "I wasn't leaving you, Swan." He assured. "But it was clear that I wasn't able to handle the situation and on my birthday when I saw you there, in my apartment, sharing a moment as a happy family... I simply couldn't resist it."

"Regina told me that you canceled the flights when I left for work."

"Aye. It was a stupid decision that was only going to cause more damage than had already been inflicted." He averted his eyes, unable to hold her gaze.

"Well, that stupid decision got us here, and although this week has been downright awful, look at me and you, finally having a sincere conversation."

"If you put it that way..." He admitted, casting a sidelong glance at her and catching a soft smile on her face.

They fell silent for the next few seconds, Killian gently stroking her hand while he kept lost in thought, wondering where this conversation left them from now on. Emma's firm voice brought him back to reality. "There can be no more lies or secrets between us if we want this to work, Killian. I mean it."

Killian's eyes snapped back to her face. "You do?" He mumbled, still in awe at the possibility that Emma could forgive him just like that.

"You don't?" She challenged, a special glint in her eyes.

"Aye, with all my heart, Emma." He assured as he finally released her hand and reached out to stroke her cheek, his heart hammering in his chest.

Both held their eyes for a few seconds, her bottom lip catching between her teeth, while she kept a thoughtful expression. "I..." She licked her lips as she lowered her head before continuing. "I also wanted to apologize for everything I told you the other day. I'm aware that my words might have hurt you."

"Emma... no." His hand traveled to her chin, his thumb brushing gently at her dimple as he pushed lightly to force her to lift her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. I deserved each and every one of the words that you addressed to me."

They rested their foreheads together while Killian closed his eyes and let himself be enveloped by the sensations, her warm breath caressing his face while her intoxicating scent penetrated his nostrils causing his head to spin. "Gods, Emma. I want to kiss you so desperately." He breathed out, unable to avoid a hint of urgency in his voice.

"There's nothing stopping you, Killian." She whispered, her lips only a few inches away from his.

Killian shortened the distance between them until their lips finally met and everything around them vanished. At the moment when the longed-for kiss began he was absolutely certain that, just as he had set himself as a New Year's resolution, he was never going to stop kissing this woman.

But now, without any secret lurking, without any lie between them that clouded his thoughts, the sensations were even more intense. Her lips seemed softer, her scent sweeter, her taste even more exquisite.

After that first soft and tentative kiss, he ran his tongue along her bottom lip to seek entrance. Her lips parted slightly offering him the invitation he needed. When their tongues began to dance together, he felt electric shocks of pleasure up his spine and down to his toes.

Feeling Emma's lips against his again was as if he had found an oasis in the middle of the desert. He devoured her mouth while she moaned against his own, angling her head to allow him deeper as he pushed himself against her.

They continued kissing, alternating languid kisses with others full of passion, for what seemed like hours. At some point, Emma ended up straddling his lap, her mouth sliding down his neck, her tongue leaving a wet trail in its wake as it traveled back up looking for his mouth.

He was so intoxicated by the sensations, lost in a sea of lust and bliss that he didn't even realize at the beginning that the sensual movements she had initiated had a clear purpose. Slowly, his mind cleared enough to break the kiss, and look for her gaze as he tried to catch his breath.

"Emma, love, what are we doing?" Killian asked, his voice raspy.

"What do you think we're doing, Killian?" She arched an eyebrow suggestively.

"But..." He was unable to prevent a groan from sliding between his lips, when the deliberate movements of her hips became more intense causing a delicious and at the same time tortuous friction against his arousal.

"Emma..." He tried again, his voice sounding still hoarse. "We... we just... we never... we just made peace." He trailed off in a breathy moan.

"Have you never heard of make up sex?" She asked before catching the lobe of his ear between her teeth, earning another groan on his part.

"But it would be our first time..." He alleged weakly. Something was definitely not working well in his brain.

"So..." She shrugged. "It will be a first time-make up sort of sex, then." Her brow furrowed slightly, as she searched his gaze. "You want this, don't you, Killian?"

He saw it clear then, the faint hint of vulnerability in her voice, her expression of ill-concealed frustration. He remembered all the times he had rejected her in a certain way during the last months. The mere thought of having his way with her when there was that secret beating between them was too repulsive. But now, there was nothing to prevent further progress in their relationship and yet he was still impeding her advances.

"Of course I do. I want it so badly that it hurts, literally." He directed a look full of intention to his crotch.

"So..."

Killian took a deep breath, locking her eyes with his, his hand tracing delicate patterns on the patch of skin exposed under the hem of her shirt.

"I wouldn't like this to be just a way to release the tension accumulated during this week. I don't want you to regret the next morning, darling."

"I won't." She stated categorically.

"You can't know that, love." He almost implored, desperate to do things right this time.

"Do you trust me, Killian?" He simply nodded. "I want to have sex with you and I promise I'll be here the next morning."

"Well, since we're in your own apartment..." Killian arched a brow playfully. The tension that he had felt, slowly fading away.

For all answer, she captured his lips again with hers as her hands began their exploratory path under his shirt. They continued kissing and caressing for a while until the pressure he felt was almost unbearable. He pushed himself up while holding Emma, who wrapped her legs around his waist.

"What are you doing?" She murmured against his lips.

"I don't want our first time-make up sort of sex to take place on a bloody couch." He growled as he started walking towards her bedroom. The giggle that escaped her lips sounded like music to his ears.

She did not make his way easy, causing him to almost stumble, too distracted by the sensations, her demanding mouth never leaving his, one hand gently pulling at his hair, while with the other one she clung to him for dear life.

Once in her bedroom, he forced himself not to be blinded by the passion of the moment and took things more calmly.

He had come to her apartment with the sole purpose of apologizing and being honest with Emma. Not even in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that the night would have ended just like that, with her vibrating in his arms in anticipation of what was about to happen. Despite the unexpectedness of the situation, that did not mean they could not make that first night together something special and unforgettable.

Killian lowered Emma until her feet touched the floor, both facing each other, their bodies only separated by a few inches. He allowed himself a few moments to observe her carefully, reveling in the effect their activities were having on her.

Her swollen and slightly parted lips were a perpetual invitation to be kissed. Some strands of her hair had escaped from her braid, framing her perfect face. Her cheeks were colored a soft pink halo, betraying her level of arousal. There was a fire in her gaze that made his blood run hot.

They began to undress each other in slow motion, without urgency, his gaze never leaving hers. A gasp escaped his lips when his eyes finally settled on her delectable, creamy skin, his fingers tingling, longing to brush against her perfect curves.

There was only a moment of hesitation when she laid her hand on his prosthesis, asking him, without needing to speak if he wanted to take it off. He shook his head slightly as his lips drawing a weak smile. He was not ready yet.

"I... I haven't remained celibate after losing my hand, but with all those one-night stands I never felt the desire to take off my prosthesis." He tried to explain himself.

"But I'm not one of your one-night stands..."

You're everything. The words died on the tip of his tongue before leaving his lips. Instead, he offered a soft smile. "Aye, I'm well aware of that, or at least I hope so. Let's say this is a promise of a future. The next time I won't need the prosthesis to be with you."

"Good." She nodded almost imperceptibly and continued with her task of undressing him.

"You're so beautiful, Emma." He rasped, while reaching out his hand to caress her exposed skin.

She closed her eyes at his touch, while she bit her lower lip in a failed attempt to suppress a moan. "You're not so bad yourself." She breathed out, opening her eyes again.

He couldn't resist it anymore. Cradling the back of her head with his hand, he settled the prosthesis at the small of her back, his lips finding hers again. He pushed her gently to the bed, getting her to lie on the sheets, his mouth never leaving hers as he covered her body with his.

"You can't imagine how much I've wanted to do this for the past few weeks. It's been torture, love. But I just couldn't, not like that." He mumbled before forcing himself to put his mouth to better use, traveling from her neck to her collarbone and back to her mouth, his tongue leaving a wet trail in its wake.

"I guess you had your punishment, cold showers, manual jobs and all that." Killian raised his head, his eyes searching for hers, finding a playful glint in her gaze as she bit her lower lip in that way that drove him crazy. He was amazed at the lightness with which she was taking everything that had happened to the point of even joking about the situation.

His skin hummed, feeling her body vibrating beneath his. He needed more, but before continuing, he needed to be sure that they were in this together.

"Tell me what you need, Emma."

"You. Only you."

"You have me." He assured, willing to demonstrate with his actions the devotion he felt for her, worshiping her body the way she deserved.

His mouth and hand began to explore her body in search of those places that would make her melt. The delicious sounds that escaped from her mouth and the way her body reacted to his touch caused his heart to flutter with satisfaction. He acted like a thirsty man who had just found a stream of crystal clear water. His thirst was only satiated at the moment in which she came undone by his ministrations.

He watched her features intently, her eyes still closed, her breathing shaken, a sated smile gracing her lips and causing his chest to swell with pride, as he wondered what he had done to deserve such a blessing in his life.

Waiting for her to come down from her high, he lay beside her, his fingers drawing delicate patterns on her bare stomach. He noticed she was catching her breath slowly until finally, she opened her eyes, a wicked grin adorning her lips. "I think it's my turn now." She muttered as her hand traveled south, until her fingers closed around him, causing a sharp intake of breath coming through his teeth.

She took the reins then, so he had no choice but to surrender to her, and follow her path.

After so many years of one-night stands, he wasn't used to that level of intimacy that could be overwhelming in some way. But he was completely consumed by her and by the power she had to make him shake only with the most subtle brush of her lips on his skin as the fire in her eyes made his blood run hot, his mind clouded by pure bliss and lust.

They ended up emulating the previous position on the couch, she straddling his lap while he rested his back on the headboard of the bed, their bodies almost fused with each other. If he was surprised by her choice of position, he didn't have time to express it out loud. The moment their bodies joined and began the first of — he hoped —many dances together, all rational thought left him. She had managed to bewitch him in such a way that he was now under her mercy. She was going to be the death of him - but what a sweet way to die it would be.

Emma Swan. Storybrooke - March 4, 2018

The first thing Emma noticed when she opened her eyes was the familiar feeling of an empty space beside her. Her brain still dragged the vestiges of the sleep, making her doubt if what had happened the night before had been nothing more than a sweet dream from which she had just awakened.

No, she still felt sore in the right places, noticing a slight burn on her skin while the sated sensation lingered in her system. Still, she couldn't help a wave of disappointment washed over her. She had imagined a warm body wrapping her when she woke up. Instead, she found the other side of the bed empty and cold under her touch.

"Good morning, love." Her body shuddered at the sound of Killian's voice coming from the other side of the bedroom. She remembered then that at some point in the night she had removed her contacts and now, when she rolled on her side, following the direction of the sound, she only found a blurred figure sitting in her armchair.

“See? I'm still here." She jocked, her voice slightly husky, as a reminder of her veiled promise from the night before. "Are you stalking me?" She added as she reached out a hand and fumbled blindly for her glasses on the bedside table.

He chuckled. It was a beautiful sound, something rare in the last weeks but that she hoped to hear very often from now on. "On the contrary, Swan. I was simply watching your sleep."

Much better, she thought as she put on her glasses, getting the vision she needed to see Killian in all his glory. She swallowed hard, the image of him sitting there wearing only his underpants and holding her camera causing a tug of desire settling into her gut.

"With my camera? That's sort of creepy." She teased, using a weird way to show her curiosity. In her defense, her brain wasn't functioning properly yet.

He rolled his eyes, smirking at her. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she observed his relaxed features, not a trace of tension in his body. He just seemed happy.

"I woke up early. I had never seen the sunrise from this corner of the town so, since I didn't bring my camera with me, I borrowed yours and took a few pictures from your window."

As he spoke, he got up, approaching the bed, still holding the camera in his hand. "And now I was just waiting for you to wake up and ask you to pose for me. The light is wonderful, here, Swan."

"Really? You want me to act as a model? Are you aware that I just woke up, I wear glasses and my hair is a mess?"

"Nonsense." Killian cut her off with a dismissive wave of his hand. "That light has a fabulous effect on your skin and your eyes, and you always look beautiful, love."

She wasn't going to deny it, she had a weakness for the way he always praised her and for his passion for photography, causing her admiration for him to grow at times. After letting out an exaggerated sigh, she agreed, posing for him for the next few minutes, feeling like a model under the scrutiny of the camera.

"Are you happy now? Come back to bed, it's still early." She sued once the photo session ended.

“As you wish.” To her delight, he complied quickly, leaving the camera on the nightstand and crawling into bed, wrapping his arms around her.

The sensation of his body against hers brought to her memory their previous activities, causing a new wave of desire to take over her. She caught his mouth with hers and allowed herself to immerse in the incredible sensation of being kissed by such a skilled mouth. She could spend hours just like that, sharing languid kisses as Killian's arms cradled her.

"Any plan for today?" She managed to ask, her lips barely leaving his.

"In fact, I do." He admitted as he parted from her slightly, while scratching behind his ear, his cheeks flushed. "It's Sunday, remember?" The way he addressed her, in a soft voice and a tentative attitude, made her stomach tighten into knots. "I have lunch with... David and Mary Margaret."

"Oh." Suddenly, everything she had experienced throughout the week came to her memory, hitting her hard. She had managed to forget all those worries for a few hours of pure joy, but reality fell on her again.

"I can cancel it. They'll understand." Killian offered, clearly worried about her reaction.

"No." As much as everything about the Nolans still hurt, if she was willing to let her relationship with Killian prosper, and she really was, she must learn to accept the important role they played in her boyfriend's life. "I haven't yet forgiven them and I may never get to do it, but they're your friends, your family, Killian. I'll do my best to not interfere with your relationship with them."

Killian nodded and stared at her for a few seconds, that special glint in his eyes causing the butterflies in her stomach to flutter furiously. "We still have many hours ahead of us, Swan. What do you think if we make them worth it?" He offered, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Before she could answer, though, he added, "Just for the record. They may be my family, but you are, at least I hope you are, my future, Emma."

The emotion she felt at that moment was so intense that her throat closed, preventing her from forming any sound. Instead, she demonstrated how she felt with actions, pulling him towards her and capturing his lips, hoping to convey with that kiss how grateful she felt for that promise he just had offered, to which she was going to cling with all her strength.

TheLadySwan I know, I know. This is not a food photo account. But sometimes a plate of pancakes is much more than a simple food. Sometimes it means the beginning of a promising day, or a moment shared with that special person. Or sometimes it's just pancakes, a sweet and fluffy breakfast that will put a smile on your face :)

KJones This is a message from that special person (I hope), I'm looking forward to sharing more pancakes with you, in every way ;)

Thanks for reading. As you may have noticed, I'm not a smut writer, but I tried, sort of... Also, I just couldn't leave them separated for much longer. Let me know what did you all think :)

What to expect from the next chapter? If I'm not mistaken, I think the next chapter is the shortest in the whole story. We'll see how the relationship between Emma and Killian develops now that there is no longer any secret between them. Besides, will Emma be able to forgive The Nolans eventually?

#cs ff #cs au #csbb #captain swan #captain swan ff #pictures of reality #mayquita writes #my cs writings #csbb 2018 #cs au ff

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thequeenofcronuts · 6 years ago

Text

Justify My Love - Chapter 7 - Best Day of My Life

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

American Authors- Best Day of My Life

Book: The Royal Romance Word Count: 5,070 - ish Long, But HAPPY Pairing: Maxwell x MC (Kristina Hampshire), Hana, Drake, OCs Warnings - Language

A/N In this TRR Series (Where books 2 and 3 are thrown to the wind): Kristina (MC) decides she cannot stay in Cordonia after the events of the Coronation Ball. Not so much caring about her own reputation, but caring for the life of the man she has been falling for, which is not the prince. She returns to New York and is faced with her heartbreak and regret while Maxwell is left in Cordonia struggling to understand the truth behind his feelings. Will they let each other go?

**All characters and named places are owned by Pixelberry Studios. Rights to the songs lyrics and titles in this series belong to:

Justify My Love (Madonna) - Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group, Reach Music Publishing, BMG Rights Management

Best Night of My Life (American Authors) - Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Round Hill Music Big Loud Songs

Series Tags @littleblossom357 @alj4890 @cosigottahavefaith

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- Maxwells POV -

Hana, Drake, and Maxwell land in the late afternoon at JFK. After settling into their rooms they're on their to the corner coffee shop. “You know, Hana and Drake, I love this city. Why I’m sure you're asking yourselves. The reason to that question is simple, my friends. It's fueled by caffeine, is crazy fun, doesn't sleep, and it too holds Kristina Hampshire in its heart. New York is the perfect personification of me, Maxwell Percival Beaumont!” Maxwell's voice raises, “Hana and Drake, I raise my cup of this Cafė Americana with a double shot of expresso in a toast to Kristina!” Beaming Hana clinks her mocha latte with Maxwell's cup. They both stare at Drake. He picks up his overly expensive black coffee and joins in the toast.

Maxwell takes a long sip of his beverage then asks, “So, what is our plan for the rest of today? Oh wait! I have a super idea. We sho-” “Maxwell, I’m jet lagged, exhausted, and-“ “I’ll finish that for you Drake, and grumpy.” Maxwell tosses a sugar packet hitting Drake with a smack on the nose. “Anywho, I think we coordinate a flash mob. You know people can't miss seeing those. Awesome way to grab attention which could lead us clues on Kristina's whereabouts, while showing the city our dancing prowess.” Hana speaks up. “Ohhhh, what's a flash mob Maxwell?” Maxwell looks at Hana eyes wide in horror. “Oh my dear, sweet, sheltered friend, this is a flash mob.” He searches on his phone and shows her one of his favorites. “Oh, those look so fun!” She continues to giggle as Maxwell goes to the next video.

“Yeah, as fun as this has been, I’m going to take a nap. In my quiet hotel room. My very empty and quiet hotel room.” Hana and Maxwell with their noses stuck to the screen hardly notice Drake getting up. “Oh see you later Drake. Remember Hana and I will meet up with you later to discuss NYC: Operation Find Kristina.” Maxwell looks up and salutes. Turning back, Hana asks, “I’ve never been here before, would you show me around?” Maxwell looks stunned. “You want me, ‘sense of no direction Beaumont, purveyor of almost certain non-safe antics, and fly by the seat of your pants activities to lead you around New York City?” “Well Kristina trusted you all over Cordonia, so I feel confident.” Maxwell grabs Hana’s hand and begins to pull her up behind him as he begins to jog from the table. She almost misses dunking their empty coffee cups in the trash. “Hey! Maxwell, slow down. Where's the fire?” “In the soul, Hana. Maxwell Percival Beaumont takes shopping and entertainment seriously. Now come on! You're too slow!!”

A long tour later they make it back to the hotel. Hana goes to her room for a bath and a quick nap, while Maxwell messages Drake about meeting up to discuss their plans for tomorrow. As soon as he steps on the elevator his phone pings. Drake suggests to meet at seven that night in Hana’s room. Maxwell quickly types, ‘Ah, yes. Her room has been command central. Seven is perfect.’ He makes it to his room and plops down on the bed staring at the ceiling. After a while he's up staring out the window finding shapes in the clouds and starts thinking about what he should say when he is finally face to face with Kristina. He heads into the ensuite to take a shower and relax before meeting with Hana and Drake.

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- Kristina's POV -

The drive back from Atlantic City was uneventful. When they’re back Lisa cancels her and Stephen’s hotel room. Lisa stays with Kristina that night while Stephen stays with Daniel. The guys do some research on the country they just found out last night existed. While there is more information they thought they'd find, news was mainly about the King and the woman he chose for his queen. They did see the disgusting tabloid and news articles about the Tariq scandal which had them seeing red. Anyone who knew Kristina would be able to tell it was a set up.

Meanwhile Lisa decides on a night with one rule; no boy talk. But one filled with junk food, wine, and binge watching classic comedies like ‘Robin Hood Men in Tights’ and ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’. Kristina hadn't had girl time since hanging out with Hana. “Kris, I haven't heard you laugh like this until tonight.” “Well Lisa, a good amount of alcohol, junk food and movies can do that to you.” They both chuckle, but suddenly Kristina turns sullen. “Kris, you aren't breaking our only rule for tonight, are you?” “Not really, I just have to go back to the real world tomorrow.” “I get that Kris but we'll make sure it's better!” Kristina hugs Lisa tightly. “Kris, it was a long weekend and you do work tomorrow. I declare you need rest since you're taking a lunch shift instead of your normal dinner shift.” Kristina rolls her eyes. “Yes mom. Let me help you clean up at least.” Lisa looks at her exasperatedly. “Fine, you win.” She hugs Lisa again and heads to take a shower.

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- Maxwell's POV -

Maxwell wakes with the sun. The night before the trio decided to take the morning and afternoon to themselves then meet up in the evening to head to the familiar dive bar. Maxwell goes out to grab a coffee and muffin. Sitting in coffee shop he decides to message Savannah. With the time difference it's a decent hour.

After the quick chat with Savannah, and finishing his caffeine, he decides to try anything to keep his nervous excitement under control. So he messages Drake.

Find something to do. I really don't want to be alone but it gives me more time to think. He decides Time Square sounds like a good place and calls a car. Soon he is lost in the mass sea of people. Perfect, tons of people around but still alone with my thoughts. He spots a bench and sits down watching the bustling area. I do not want to screw this up, I can't lose her before I even have her, and my words always get disconnected between my brain and mouth. Finally he gets the message from Drake.

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- Kristina's POV -

Coffee, check. Hostessing approved outfit, check. Leaving on time because of Lisa, double check. “Lisa, are you two still hanging out with Daniel until leaves for his shift?” “That's the plan. Then Stephen and I are going to have a date night. You know you could get out of this apartment and hit the bar with Daniel while he works.” “Yeah, that's a hard no.” Lisa opens her mouth to say something but Kristina cuts her off. “Hard no, Lisa.” “You win, Kris. Have a good day at work.”

Lisa and Stephen hang with Daniel following the futile rabbit hole that is the internet. Other than seeing how charming Cordonia is, and why it's a great vacation destination, there's just normal news. They agree to continue later, with Daniel leaving for work.

——————————

- Maxwell’s POV -

Drake calls up a car while Hana inquiries, “So, what is the protocol for a dive bar exactly?” Drake and Maxwell answer simultaneously, “None.” Then Drake adds, “ Well, avoid bar fights. Hana just stick with Maxwell and me, and you’ll be fine.” She looks at Maxwell. “How are you holding up?” “Right now Hana, I feel excited, nervous, happy, scared, hopeful, and I want to dance. You know the feeling?” Drake looks at him and answers with a deadpan expression, “No Maxwell that is the oddest string of adjectives ever.” “Well, buddy, that's how you know it's me.” He says proudly while slapping Drake on the shoulder. The car stops in front of the bar, and Hana’s small voice is almost a whisper. “This, is really it? Kristina worked here?” Drake sees her horrified eyes. “Yes Hana.” Hana gulps, “Okay…this is a little different than the bar Western bar in Cordonia.”

The three walk in and Drake directs them to the bar. Pulling up bar stools the guys sit on either side of Hana while the bartender asks them what their having. “A whiskey neat for me.” Hana leans over to Maxwell, “What was that inappropriately named drink you mentioned when we played truth or dare?” Maxwell tells the bartender, “We’ll both have a Sex on the Beach.” Hana blushes at the name, but then pipes up, “So how long have you worked here?” The bartender shrugs as he works on their drinks “A little over three months. But don't worry, I know my stuff. Here, one whiskey neat for you sir, one Sex on the beach for you sir, and one for you pretty lady.” He winks as he hands her the drink. Hana takes a polite sip. “Wow, but a good wow. Thank you, uh…” “Sam. The name is Sam.” Just opening the kitchen door a waiter stiffness as he looks to the bar.

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- Daniel’s POV -

Daniel continues out of the kitchen to go take an order. Walking by the bar he notices two olive skinned gentlemen and a small lady with brunette hair. Reaching his booth, he welcomes the customers and takes their drink order. While he answers some questions he hears an accent coming from the bar that he has never heard before. While at the bar giving the table’s drink order he takes a quick glance at the three people. He heads into the kitchen, taking one longer glance before he quickly runs to the back door and immediately gets out his phone. Oh my god. If that's them. No it can't be. But Kris hadn't deleted all her photos when she got the new one. Damn they look so familiar. Well, if anyone should get this lucky it should be Kris. Daniel takes a deep breath and messages Kris.

Daniel’s phone immediately rings. “Kris!” ..… “No I am not shitting you!” ….. “Of course I can tell they are the same people, with the accent, and good looks.” ….. “Yeah, a the third guy has whiskey. Gotta be Drake, right?!” ….. “You can't let them leave!” ….. “No, I won't let you mess this up for yourself, you will see them! They flew half way across the world, obviously they do CARE!”….. “Come on Kris, say something, anything. Listen, how about I get just Hana’s number and she can message you or something.” ….. “Not that excuse again. I am NOT letting them walk out this door, so it's my easy way, or we find Stephen.” ….. “Oh, thank god you’ve come to your senses.” …… “You sure you want me to give her your number? I think it's a great idea, personally. Just ANSWER HER CALL!!!” ….. “Love you too.”

Daniel ends the call and runs back to the bar. Still here. Thank god. “Daniel are you okay there man?” “Perfect, Sam” Daniel’s breath slows. “Ok, now that you can breathe, these really nice people were asking about a girl that use to work here nam-“ Daniel speaks before Sam gets another syllable out. “Kris? Well, I mean Kristina, right?” He sees three sets of eyes go wide. Daniel turns his gaze to the lady. “Hana, right?” “Yes, but how do-“ Maxwell interjects, “You know Kristina? Where is she? How do we find her?” Daniel sees Maxwell's eyes go from disbelief, to shock, to excitement in a good point two seconds. Man, he does have it bad for her. “Calm down Maxwell.” Daniel says to him. Drake laughs, “Good luck. He doesn't have a calm mode.” “So you’ve gotta be Drake.” Drake’s eyes narrow. “How do you know us?” “Look, I don't a lot of time before my asshole manager sees me talking and not working. Kris or I will explain later.” Daniel takes a napkin and writes down Kristina's number sliding it to Hana. “Hana, she wants to talk to YOU. She's waiting for your call.” Daniel leaves, all three slack-jawed.

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- Hana POV -

Drake shakes his head like it will make his brain process faster. “What the hell just happened Hana?” “Ummm, well, it looks like we found Kristina. I should call her, now.” Hana gets off her bar stool, Maxwell right behind her, “Sorry Maxwell, but I better make this call alone. It seems that's what she wants.” Maxwell nods and sits again. Hana takes a booth with her back to the guys, takes a deep excited but slightly nervous breath and dials the number. “Kristina?”

——————————

- Kristina's POV -

Kristina paces with her phone in her shaking hands. This is what she wants, but now that she has the chance, she's scared as hell. She sits on the couch and then stands and paces again. Finally her phone rings, the Caller ID shows an international phone number. This is it. Crap, this is it. Breathe. “…..” “Hi Hana, yep it's me!” …… She has to pull the phone away from her ear so Hana's high pitched squeal doesn't deafen her for life. “I’ve missed you too Hana. I really have. I’ve missed you all. You are you all really here?” …… “You found Tariq?!?!” ….. “My name is cleared? Long story I bet is right.” ….. “Oh my god. It's hard to believe! So, you're still at the bar?” …… “Well. I desperately want to see you too!” ….. “ Really? Daniel would be the only one to even remember me. Ha.” …… “Yeah, he knows all about you guys. Liam, Olivia, the others too. He's been my best friend here for a long time, and now I can't believe my best friend from Cordonia is here!” ….. “I know, I was so nervous talk to you, after I just vanished.” ….. “Yeah we can talk all about that. How long are you here for?” …… “Really! No timeframe? I cannot wait to hug you!” ….. “Yeah so, Drake and Maxwell are with you?” ….. “Of course I’m excited to see Drake!” ….. “Oh, yeah Maxwell. Ummmm that's a little more-“ ….. “Yes, complicated would be a good word.” ….. “He really wants to see me? You're sure?” …… “His only reason for being here? Really?” ….. “Well, yeah I am in disbelief. Confusion too. I’m sure he told you about what happened at the airport that night. Does he want to meet with me because he's still mad at me?” ….. “I get it. You can't say anything, this is between me and him. I’m terrified Hana. Like nauseous terrified.” ….. “Hana, I won't question how you knew I was in love with him. Hindsight is twenty/twenty. You are my best friend. Of course you could see it back then.” ….. “No you're right. I do owe it to him.” ….. “Yes, and myself. Ok, I guess yes, I’ll see him.” ….. “Now? It's getting late.” …… “No I don't have a bed time. Ha. Ha.” ….. “Well, I guess ripping off the bandaid approach is the best.” …… “Oh I believe that Hana!” Kristina laughs. “I get it. He’ll be unbearable for you and Drake until we talk. Will you and Drake at least be there with us at first?” ….. “Thanks. And then we are going to spend time catching up in the next few days? With Drake and Maxwell too. Well, with Maxwell if all goes well tonight” ….. “How about Central Park. We can technically be there until one am.” ….. “Good, we’ll message between us to figure out where to meet up.” ….. “I love you too Hana! I’ll get changed and be on my way.”

Oh my god. Kristina stands at her closet shaking. I guess my life changes, yet again, tonight.

——————————

- Maxwell's POV -

Hana ends the call and skips back to bar, pulling the two into a tight hug. “So, Hana…. is Kristina…” Drake jumps in. “Are we really meeting Hampshire…” Hana jumps up and clapping. “Yes!! All four of us will meet for a short time tonight at Central Park, then…” Maxwell gulps. “Then what Hana?” “Well,…Drake and I leave and you two have the rest of the night to talk.” Maxwell's countenance turns from excitement to amazement. “R..r…really?” “Yes, Maxwell. Then we'll all spend the following days together.” Drake smiles, “And prove to Hampshire why she should come home.” Hana and Drake turn to see Maxwell on his phone already calling a car and heading out of the bar.

—————————— The Night in Central Park ——————————

- Kristina’s POV - Central Park with Maxwell

Kristina throws on a pair of jeans, a blue sleeveless blouse that matches her eyes and heads out the door before she can change her mind. Reaching the park she lets Hana know she's at the Cherry Hill Fountain. She wrings her hands, with her stomach turning from nausea to fluttering and back. After a bit she looks up and sees three faces come into focus. Any nerves are gone in a second as she runs and pulls the three of her fiends into a long group hug.

- Maxwell's POV - Central Park with Kristina

As the car is close to Central Park Hana hears from Kristina where to meet and pulls up a map of the park on her phone. They get out of the car and start on their way. This is happening. Oh my god, this is happening, in just a couple minutes. Drake looks over to Maxwell and places a hand on his shoulder. “Don't overthink this. Just….well hell….just be you. For whatever reason that works for you and Hampshire.” Maxwell gets a bit of a spring in his step as he sees a lone figure that's like no other come into view. She looks up and runs to them immediately pulling them all into a hug.

- Kristina's POV - Central Park with Maxwell

Kristina steps backs with tears in her eyes and pulls Hana into another hug, immediately turns to Drake and gives him a hug too. She looks at Maxwell who is in front of her and sees his blue eyes moist with tears. That smile is more handsome than I remember and I’ve missed how it makes me light up. I’ve missed him so, oh god I love him. His infectious smile has her lips pulling up involuntary. She takes a step forward and feels his arms tightly around her. It's heaven. She takes a step forward and he wraps his arms around her.

- Maxwell's POV - Central Park with with Kristina

Maxwell watches Kristina pull back from the group hug. She was always beautiful, I always saw it, but now, she is the most gorgeous and important person to me. I’ve missed that smile, those eyes radiate with kindness and understanding. I can't believe how much I’ve missed her. Oh god, I love her. She takes a step forward him and he wraps his arms around her. I am never letting her go. Ever again.

- Kristina's POV - Central Park with Maxwell

The embrace feels like forever and yet is over too quickly. Her eyes don't leave his as he takes her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. She feels Hana's hand on her back and Drake’s hand lays a hand on her shoulder. “Drake and I will see you tomorrow.” “Yeah Hampshire, we plan on spending a lot of time together.” She gives a nod smiling. “I love you both. See you tomorrow.” Maxwell entwines his fingers with hers as they find a place to sit.

- Maxwell's POV - Central Park with Kristina

I don't want this hug to end. I smell her Jasmine and Lavender shampoo. Her subtle perfume. She smells like home. He keeps his eyes locked oh hers and takes her hand giving it a gentle squeeze. He sees Hana and Drake say their goodbyes for the night. I won't let go of her hand. It's too soft, too familiar, too…perfect. He entwines his fingers with hers as they find a place to sit.

- Central Park - Explanations and Declarations

Maxwell breaks the silence first. “Hey little blossom.” She squeezes his hand. “Hey yourself, Max.” In unison, almost as if they had practiced “I’m so sorry.” They both let out little nervous giggles. “Max, I never should have walked away. I-“ “Kristina, I should have never let you go.” “But you couldn't reach me, Max, you were being held back by the guards.” He looks down, “That night, yes. But they're wasn't anyone holding me back from coming to find you.” “I understand why you wouldn't Maxwell. There was no way I could help anymore with the scandal. I brought shame to you and Bertrand.” Kristina can't meet his eyes.

“Hey, now, look at me.” He takes his free hand and tilts her head so their eyes meet again. “You didn't do anything wrong. Drake let us know about that night at Applewood. No one worth anything ever believed it. Hana and Drake successfully found him. He's back in Cordonia with his statement, including Liam's own statement, coming out soon if it hasn't already. Your reputation is all cleared. That is never going to hang it's ugly head over you again. I’m so happy for you. But….I’m still wondering why you couldn't trust me to help you through it. Bertrand and I wanted you back. We and everyone else wanted to help you in clearing your reputation and bring you back to court.” He squeezes her hand tightly while she notices a few tears falling from his eyes. “I just wish you would have trusted me. And, …had stayed with me.”

Kristina places her other hand over their linked hands. “Max, you were and are the one person I trust the most. It wasn't about a lack of trust at all. I know you would have fought with me, fought for me.” Maxwell looks at her in such confusion. “Why then, Kristina? If you trusted me, why not stay. I wanted you to stay. I yelled for you to stay.” Kristina takes a deep breath. “Maxwell, look how long it's taken to find Tariq and get his statement. The scandal wasn't just hanging over me, it was hanging over you too, because of your association with me. While I was there, it would continue to. I couldn't let that happen. I just couldn't hurt you more in anyway. I knew Liam would be fine. He would pick his queen, and all would be well for him. Max, I didn't love Liam. I was never going to be his queen, chosen or not. So,I knew not only was I going to fail you by not being queen, and then I was going to be nothing but another problem for you and Bertrand because of Tariq. I cared,” she takes a shaky breath, “I care about you, Maxwell, too much to do that to you and your reputation.”

Maxwell lets out a bewildered laugh. “What Max?” She couldn't hold any tears back. “Why are you laughing.” He runs the thumb of his free hand across her cheek wiping away tears. “Well, you left so you wouldn't hurt me, and I didn't follow you because I thought I wasn't good enough for you.” Kristina lets out a soft gasp. “What do you mean Maxwell? Why would I ever think that you weren't good enough?” Maxwell looks deep into her eyes. “Because I’m a screwup. There were so many times during the Social Season I messed up. I’d forget to let you know about events, not have you in the right places and more. Heh. I’m sure Bertrand has a list written down somewhere and he could show you every mistake. I figured with all that, and the look you gave me when you,” tears falling down his cheek, “when you turned from me to get on that plane… I figured I messed up yet again. This time, though, it was you Kristina I failed, and you're the only person on earth that I would never want to fail.”

Now Kristina laughs as she shakes her head. Taking her one hand off of their still entwined fingers to brush away his tears. “Max, when I turned and got on that plane it was the most painful thing I’ve ever done in my whole life. I had myself convinced I would hurt you if I stayed, so I decided that I would be the one to shoulder the hurt. I never wanted to leave you.” She sees a tiny glimpse of hope in his eyes. “You really didn't want to leave me Kristina?” She squeezes their linked hands. “Not for a second. Remember when we were on the trail ride at Applewood and I tried to tell you I was falling for someone else.” There is a look of recognition on his face. “Max, I should have made sure I finished what I was telling you. But even then I didn't want to do anything that would damage what I was there to do for you and your house. Pursue Liam. So I didn't force the conversation, and that will be one of the greatest regrets of my life. That day, and everyday since, I have been foolishly making choices for two people. I should have never decided I knew what was best for you.”

Maxwell sits stunned. “Are you saying. Uh, you can't be saying…why would it be? Why would you ever….” “Ever what Maxwell, fall for you? Be so stupid in love with you that I made a horrible life decision for two people? Is that so hard to believe?” Maxwell’s mouth sits open for what felt like forever. “Honestly Kristina? Yes that's so hard for me to believe then, and now. But it's funny how I did pretty much the same thing.” Kristina's eyebrows knit together in bewilderment. “What on earth are you talking about, Max?” He smiles. “I successfully made myself believe you couldn't ever care for me, that it was a crazy dream which could never come true. And so I buried how I felt about you. I convinced myself that we just would never be, and convinced myself not to follow you. So I locked myself away from anything outside of our estate. Friends and everything. I guess it was my version of your walking onto the plane.”

“Max,” Kristina looks deep into his eyes, “so you didn't think I could care for you, while I thought you hated me.” They look at each other for a long moment then laugh until their tears were no longer from sadness or pain, but of joy. Once able to speak Kristina cups Maxwell's cheek. “Maxwell, are you really saying you care for me?” He looks at her thinking. Do I tell the full truth? What if it ruins this…but if she runs from me is it really any different? At least she knows. Do it now, or it's never. “No Kristina I don't are for you, I love you.” Maxwell takes both her hands and holds them to his chest. Kristina beams. “Maxwell, I love you too. So much.” His eyes grow wide. “Wait, you really mean more than friends right? Or did I missunder-“ Kristina cuts him off with a sweet, soft, tender kiss. “That should answer that.” She puts her arms around his neck.

“Kristina it's just so hard for me to believe. You are amazing. You're incredibly smart, and so kind. You're graceful, and yet bold all at once. You care about everyone before yourself. And you are the most gorgeous woman in the world. There is no one woman who is just as sparkling on the inside as she is on the outside.” He kisses her check. “Maxwell, I’m the most blessed out of the two of us. You are sweet and kind. You are always the first to stop and get someone out of any funk, making them smile. You make sure you leave everyone you meet happier than when you met them. You see people. You see what they need and when they need it. You never give up on anyone. And those big dreams you have, you are always reaching for them, and always reaching hard. You have no clue how that affects and helps those around you.” She smirks. “Do I even have to mention your dancing aptitude and always being the life of the party.” Looking deep into his blue eyes. “Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't mention your infectious smile and your smoking hot looks. You're my dream, Maxwell Percival Beaumont.”

Maxwell feigns looking around them as if looking for another person. “There has to be another Maxwell Percival Beaumont around here. Because you just described anyone but me.” He grins. “Max, for someone who is so perceptive of others, we really need to work on your perception of yourself.” She laughs. “You think your funny, Kristina?” Maxwell tickles her mercilessly. “I do believe the is the pot is calling the kettle black.” “Ok, ok. I call for mercy. Mercy!” Maxwell stops the tickles and pulls Kristina up on his lap, “So you really love me, little blossom?” He kisses her. “I really love you, my human alarm clock.” She grabs Maxwell by the collar of his shirt pulling him into another kiss. His arms go tightly around her as he deepens the kiss until they pull back breathless. He gives her one more quick kiss and she feels his smile against her lips. “And why are you smiling, Lord Maxwell?” He gives her another quick kiss. I could kiss her forever. “Well Lady Kristina, it’s not everyday the woman you thought was completely unattainable confesses she loves you, and it isn't a misunderstanding or a joke.” She chuckles. “Fair enough. I just hope you realize you're stuck with me as your partner in crime now.” Maxwell rests his forehead against hers whispering, “I can't imagine a more perfect partner ever.” He kisses her forehead. “Maxwell, I love you.” He pulls her into a tight embrace saying into her ear, “I love you. I will never tire of telling you, or hearing you say it.”

It takes effort, but Kristina pulls back and gets out her phone to look at the time. “It's almost one in the morning. Can't be in the park much longer.” Maxwell gives her a sweet kiss on the cheek and helps her stand up from his lap. “So Kristina, what now?” “I guess we go tell Hana and Drake?” He rubs his chin as if deep in thought. “True. But what I meant was what now?” Kristina looks at him quizzically. “What do mean, Maxw-“ Maxwell taps her on the shoulder. “You're it Kristina!” He’s off before Kristina can process what he is doing. She laughs as she runs after him.

Stay tuned for the upcoming epilogue.

#maxwell beaumont #maxwell x mc #maxwell beaumont x mc #the royal romance maxwell #trr the royal romance

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imladris-soldier · 7 years ago

Text

Lashes (pt 3)

Bill Williamson is a racist asshole. Everyone knows it. They just punch him and go on about their day. When a Lakota woman joins the gang, everyone expects things to go on as normal, slurs and all, and for a time, it does. But her curiosity gets the better of her, and she finds that hatred is something learned - which means it can be unlearned, if given time, care, and patience. And she has plenty of those… the first two, anyway.

Bill Williamson x OC

Part 1, Part 2

Another couple of weeks passed, and Star fell back into her usual routine, though she kept an eye on Bill. He seemed to be avoiding her, and she couldn't blame him. He had shown a great deal of vulnerability to her that night, and he probably needed to recover from that, so she maintained a respectful distance, mostly just waiting to see what would happen.

Charles told her it was a lost cause – that Bill would never see past his small-mindedness. She knew that was a possibility, but something about him didn't feel that black and white. Her instinct about him was to protect him, and that was baffling considering everything.

One thing she did notice was that every single person in the camp seemed willing to make Bill the butt of their joke. All of them. And he took it. He either laughed it off, unconvincingly, or brushed it off and went on. That was troubling, but telling.

The next big event for the gang was the return of Sean MacGuire. Star had no idea what to expect when Arthur, Javier, and Charles rode off to rescue the Irishman, but somehow, when they showed up with him in tow, it all just fit. Sean was loud, boisterous, and funny. Not to mention a huge flirt.

“Who is this beauty?!” he cried when he first laid eyes on Star. “Is this who ye replaced me with? Hell, I'll turn around and go.”

She laughed and shook his hand. “Call me Star. I take it you're Sean.”

“Aye, that's me. Good ole Sean MacGuire, back and ready to rumble.”

“I hope captivity didn't take too much of a toll.”

“Nah. I'm alright. Knew these boys would come for me sooner or later. Didn't know they'd have a present for me when I got back though,” he said with a wink.

Star rolled her eyes. “Easy, pretty boy. You aren't my type.”

He pouted. “No? Then what is?”

It was easy enough to brush him off, especially since Karen's arms were waiting for him anyway. When Dutch announced a night of celebration, Star fond herself both intrigued and perturbed. Parties were not her forte, and yet they offered excellent opportunities for people watching – which is exactly what she did.

As the camp erupted into music and laughter, Star took a bottle of beer with her to a secluded little log and sat watching everyone. It was more fun for her that way, and she learned things about her companions as a bonus.

Of course, as alcohol began to flow, people grew less willing to let her linger in the shadows. They pulled her into conversations, hooked her into the punchlines of jokes she didn't hear the beginning of, and mostly just insisted on including her. It made her heart feel very full. Boy, did she love this gang.

As the night wore on, Star drank more and more, not really realizing how much she was imbibing. She wandered over to one of the fires where Hosea, Lenny, Pearson, John, and Bill had gathered. As she arrived, Bill began to speak.

“You know, when I was in the army, fellers would spend all night talkin' about what they were gonna do the second they left the army. All kinds of things. Like 'I'm gonna go off and be a cook.' Or 'I'm gonna go out and find me a wife.' Hell, someone was like 'I'm gonna go and dance with the finest whore in San Francisco.' Some shit like that. You know how fellers is,” he chuckled.

Then, after a pause, he went on. “But, you know what every one of them did the second they left the army? JOINED THE GOD DAMN ARMY AGAIN. Jesus Christ! I mean, here is a group of fellers that spent every wakin' minute just dreamin' of leaving. And... and then they left. And then they jumped back in again! Stupid! You know what? That taught me somethin'... and-and-and it taught me somethin' I'll never forget. And that is that most fellers are sheep. That's right. And if you can tell the difference... be-between a man and-and.... and a sheep, well.... that makes you a better man than me. And that's all I'm sayin'. Mark my words. All a'ya.”

He trailed off into silence for a moment before finishing with, “Stupid army.”

Star stood there, vision a little too fuzzy and thoughts a little too blurry, and then she blurted, “Fuck the army. Army k-killed everyone... everyone I had. Tied me to a post. Treated me like a god damn animal. Woulda raped me. Probably killed me. Certainly starved me.”

All of the men's gazes had come to rest on her, and she very abruptly felt shy about speaking in front of them, so she murmured, “Stupid army.”

There was a lull, then Bill pointed at her and cried, “See! Motherfuckin' army.”

“Didn't nobody doubt ya, Bill,” Hosea pointed out, smiling a bit.

“Tha's... tha's not true, though,” Star, stammered, unable to realize the ramifications of what she was about to say. “All of yous doubt him. You... you make fun of him. You call him dumb and say he isn't smart enough to know things. I seen you. All a you. And that ain't right. You... you shouldn't treat him like that.”

The silence that greeted her was deafening. It took her brain a moment to catch up with her mouth, and when she realized what she said, her hand clapped over her lips and her eyes went wide.

John was the first to speak. “Gee, Star, tell us what you really think.”

“I... I didn't mean...”

“You know, maybe she has a point,” Hosea chimed in quietly. “We do tend to give Bill a hard time. Maybe more than we should. Guess that's somethin' we oughta work on.”

“So... you're not mad at me?”

“For speaking your mind? No, dear girl. Though, it might have come across better if you weren't quite so drunk. Still, you make a good point. Somethin' to think about.”

The rest of the group fell back into easy conversation after that, but Star couldn't shake the awkwardness, so she wandered off. A few moments later, a hand grabbed hers roughly and pulled her into the trees. “What the hell?” she slurred, trying to shake her hand away. “Let go.”

“Why'd you have to go and say a thing like that?” Bill mumbled, refusing to let go of her.

“Well... 'cuz it's true. They laugh at you all the time, and they shouldn't.”

“That's... that's just the way it is around here!” he snapped.

She frowned and stopped trying to reclaim her hand. “Just because that's how it is doesn't mean that that's how it should be, Bill. Like... like how you shouldn't say the shit you say... but you do.”

His eyes lingered on their hands. “Yeah.”

“You... you're so mean. To me and Javier and Charles and Lenny. Why are you so mean? We... I... just wanna be your friend. Unless you don't want any friends. But I like you, and I want you to be happy, though I can't figure out why – oop!”

Drunken kisses inevitably turn out worse than either party would have hoped, but it was still a kiss, and it nearly knocked Star on her ass from shock. Bill's beard tickled her nose, causing her to giggle slightly. “Now you're laughin' at me,” he said, but it was obviously a tease.

“It tickled,” she explained anyway. “Why'd... why'd you do that?”

“'Cuz I wanted to.”

“Oh.” She looked around to see if anyone was watching, then got on her toes to kiss him in return. He wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her close. “Guess I wanted to, too,” she whispered, giggling again.

“You... you're drunk,” he declared, very drunkenly. “You don't laugh like that normally.”

She tipped up the rest of the bottle she hand in her hand. “Oh well. It's a party, right?”

“You're god damn right.” He emptied his bottle as well, then pulled her back in for another sloppy kiss.

Star wasn't sure what was happening, but she seemed to be enjoying herself, so she decided to let it happen. What could possibly go wrong?

….

The morning sun was a rude awakening. Star's head was pounding. Even breathing seemed to agitate it. When she finally managed to crack open an eye, she realized she was looking up at tree tops. She was in the woods somewhere near camp, on her back. “What in the hell?” she groaned.

That was when she realized she wasn't alone because her voice stirred her companion, who then loudly cried, “SHIT!”

“Ah!” she hissed. “Shh.” It took her a moment to place the voice with the person, and when she did, she bolted upright. “Bill?!”

“Yeah, princess,” he replied grumpily. “It's me.”

Another moment passed before she realized he didn't have his shirt on. Which would be difficult to do given that she did. The blue plaid hung off her loosely, concealing most of her body save her legs, which she was thankful for given that Bill's shirt was the only thing she seemed to be wearing.

“Oh no,” she whispered, looking around them. There was no chance anyone from camp would have seen them, but she did worry some about heard. “Oh no!”

“You don't gotta act so pleased,” Bill spat venomously.

She turned her gaze to him and felt a mix of emotions. On one hand, she didn't mean to be quite so horrified. On the other, drunkenly bedding anyone was way out of character for her, and she could not believe she'd done it. “Don't be so self-absorbed,” she retorted. “It's not about you.”

“Oh no? You mean you wanted to end up down the hill, in the woods, in the dirt with me?”

“Don't you get it? It's all of the part before you that's a problem! Coulda been Dutch for all I care, and I still would react the same!”

Much to her surprise, Bill's face softened. “So... it's really not me you're upset about?”

She stared at him and took a moment to analyze her feelings on that matter. None of it was ideal, but she wasn't actually upset about the company she was keeping. “It's not you. I just...” Her shoulders slumped. “It's a lot of things. But not you.”

“Oh.”

Very suddenly, things were awkward. Bill couldn't seem to look at her, and she wasn't entirely sure how to get out of his shirt to give it back. “Go... go stand over there,” she told him, pointing. “And no peeking.”

He huffed and grumbled but did as she said. She collected her clothing, most of which she seemed to be sitting on. She pulled the bottom half on first, then slid Bill's shirt over her head. He shifted to glance over his shoulder, earning him a pine cone in the back of the head. “What did I say?!”

“Sorry!” he cried, rubbing the spot tenderly. “Jesus.”

Once dressed, Star carried Bill's shirt to him, holding it out at a distance. “Here.”

He took it back – yanked it back, really – then pulled it on and buttoned it back up. They were left standing awkwardly after that, neither of them making eye contact or really knowing what to do. Bill's hat was in his hands, twisting around nervously, and Star noticed for the first time just how unfortunate his forehead was. It was already slightly too tall for his face, then with his receding hairline...

“I'm gonna go that way,” she announced, pointing in the general direction of Flatneck Station. “You head back to camp now. I'll show up... later. From over there.”

He glowered for a moment, but eventually mumbled, “Yeah, ok.”

Lacking anything better to say, Star just nodded and started off with, “Right.”

The sun was high in the sky before Star even turned back towards camp. She spent most of the walk trying to remember the night before, and only bits and pieces would come back to her. She remembered chastising a group of them for always making fun of Bill, and she remembered Bill pulling her into the woods. The kisses they shared were foggy at best, but she remembered him holding her hand for what felt like a long time – just standing there, looking vulnerable. It made her heart ache slightly. If only she could remember what she said to him.

As she trudged back into camp, Charles came rushing up to her. “Where have you been?” he murmured, checking her over for injuries.

“I don't know. Woke up over that way. I'm fine, Charles.”

His dark eyes lingered on her with concern. “Someone said they saw Bill follow you into the woods. I was worried.”

That jostled her enough to make her feel bad for brushing him off. “He did. Just... he needed to ask me something. After that....” She shrugged. “I don't really know what happened.” Her eyes went behind Charles to camp. “Did Bill come back?”

“Yeah. Couple hours ago. Said he hadn't seen you. I was about to go out looking.”

The sigh that slipped from Star's body accentuated all the soreness she had been trying to ignore. “I'm sorry. I don't usually drink like that. I don't remember much.”

A small smile lifted Charles' lips. “Well... in any case, Sean would be pleased.” His smile grew when he saw Star smile too. “Come on. Let's get you some food.”

“Thanks.”

As the afternoon wore on, Star fielded multiple questions about what had happened to her the night before. She skirted around most of it, but honestly answered that she didn't really know. As Charles had predicted, Sean got the biggest kick out of it.

“And that's exactly how any party in my honor should end,” he told her, clapping her on the shoulder. “I'm proud of ye.”

“Thank you,” she groaned.

Bill almost immediately started drinking again, and he went about his day pretending like Star didn't exist. It suited her well enough. She wasn't prepared to delve into that particular hornet's nest. Perhaps it would be better if both of them went on as if none of it ever happened.

----------------

@allaboutpizzaandfandoms

#my writing #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #bill williamson x oc #bill williamson #sean macguire #charles smith #hosea matthews #Lashes

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