#some butch i think is super cute : so can i ask you a question? no worry if not

[pickled-flowers]

It's my birth right as an asexual to be irritated all the time

[silver-heller]

🎵 🎡 🔒 for Mordecai aaanndddd 🎉 for funsies :3

🎵 List three songs that remind you of your selfship.

1. Love At First Sight by The Brobecks

"Could this be love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?/Oh wait I said that before," is just super cute and summarizes the course of their relationship pretty well.

2. Tim I Wish You Were Born a Girl by of Montreal

Silver is trans so, even if he was born female, it's nice to imagine Mordecai singing that to him and acknowledging him as a man regardless. Like "wish you were born a girl because you aren't one" type thing. Also gay Mordecai angst.

3. Butch 4 Butch by Rio Romeo

"The music we make is unnatural, but it sounds just like falling in love," really describes how others look down on their relationship. Especially with them both being ace and Silver trans, some people see it as "wrong" or even pity them. And Silver is definitely the butch in question lol.

🎡 What’s your dream date to go on with your F/O?

Somewhere nice and quiet. Like maybe a picnic in a very private venue next to a river or something. That'd be nice. Maybe during Fall, since there's less bugs and it's my favorite season!

🔒 What does your platonic F/O think about your F/O? Are they overprotective of you?

So, I have a few, platonic F/Os in this case so I'll do a little thing for all of them about their feelings on the relationship;

Atlas: Mordecai is basically his golden boy, so he'd pretty much approve of anyone showing interest in him, and him them in turn as he sees Mordecai as "very selective" with who he's actually nice with. In this equation, he's more worried Mordecai's hidden soft side is too sensitive to deal with all of Silver's everything lol.

Mitzi: Oh she thinks Mordecai is a bit of a creep and a definite weirdo, constantly asking herself what the Hell he's doing here (he doesn't belong here in her opinion). Those two have been battling for Atlas' affections and the title of the best baker with each other since the day they first met. She is genuinely worried about Silver with Mordecai (she preferred him with just Viktor) but respects Silver's judgement.

Wick: He finds Mordecai pretty damn intimidating, but can tell he cares about Silver and is in full support of them. He even becomes conversation buddies with Mordecai at some point due to them both having a keen interest in oddly specific facts and reading on the topics that interest them the most. Wick loves the exchange of knowledge and very interesting view points from Mordecai.

Freckle: He admires Mordecai's collected yet kind demeanor a lot and wants to be more calculated like him in some ways. He thinks Mordecai and Silver are secretly very kind people that deserve each other.

🎉 Tell us some fun facts about your newest selfship!

Hm, that'd probably be one I'm looking into right now involving Cameron from Wylde Flowers (really cute farming and witch game with good LGBTQ rep, I'd highly recommend it!). I don't know much about it yet. Mostly that my S/I is a very shy and trans dude that wears pastel overalls, something Cameron is extremely supportive and sweet about. Like, he'd pick a fight if anyone disrespected that lol.

Original Game

[mogai-sunflowers]

Hmm... As a coiner, I imagine you get a lot of requests, so how about a game to distract you? So... What is your favorite fictional relationship? Which character gives you the most gender envy? Which character do you think would have an identity more similar (If not identical) to yours? And, just to finish because I have little space to write, tell me a character and a label OF YOUR CREATION that you think they would use (I hope this sounds like fun and not literally an scary interview)

anon i love u /p i love getting asks like this ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you! okay here goes!!! putting under a cut because this got longggggg /pos

1- favorite fictional relationship

this is like. hard to answer because i love so many fictional relationships. and it also depends on the kind of relationship so i guess my favorite fictional romantic relationship is kurt and blaine (klaine) from glee. i feel like, while glee is undoubtedly a show with a large amount of issues, and in my humble queer opinion is not nearly as queer-friendly as it's lauded to be, it does a good job of portraying that queer relationships can be just as fucking toxic and messy as non-queer ones. both the characters are flawed but have emotional depth, the relationship is very toxic at some points but it provides both the characters the space they need to grow as people which is ultimately what makes it work, and it also deals with specific issues gay men can face from both within their romantic relationships, and outside them. also i just really love both the characters and think they're super cute togetherrrrrrrrr. here's a few pictures because. ahhhh.

[Image ID: Two photos of the same fictional couple, Klaine (Kurt and Blaine) from Glee. In the first picture, the couple, two thin white teenaged boys with short brown hair, are standing in a classroom at their school, with Blaine on the left in a grey blazer and Kurt in the right in a grey turtleneck sweater, each smiling and gazing into each others' eyes. In the second picture, the two are standing in front of a pink curtain and a mirror with lights on it for a photo-booth-esque prom photo shoot. Blaine is on the left in a standard black tuxedo and a red corsage, and Kurt is on the right in a black tuxedo jacket and black skirt, holding a crown scepter with a pink corsage, with his arm around Blaine's shoulder. Both are smiling. End ID.]

now, when it comes to my favorite fictional platonic relationship, no question it's travic (travis and vic) from station 19. i love both of the individual characters so much, and they're best friends and honestly for me their friendship is why i watch the show, it's just so wholesome and i love them so much. they're both amazing people and also both extremely adorable and i have a massive crush on both of them.

[Image ID: A photograph of two characters, Travis Montgomery and Victoria Hughes, from the show Station 19. The pair are sitting next to each other in front of a dusty brown wall, both dressed in their firefighter uniforms. Victoria, a light-skinned Black woman with hair pulled back in a tight bun, is sitting on the left with a wide smile, and Travis, a mixed white and Korean man with short dark brown hair, is sitting on the right and smiling brightly as well. End ID.]

2. character that gives me the most gender envy

this is such a good question and the answer is i don't know but probably magnus bane from shadowhunters. he's fairly flamboyant and openly queer and i just. idk. as a butch who's also femme he's perfect gender envy for me and i love him

[Image ID: A picture of Magnus Bane, a character from the show Shadowhunters, standing in his apartment while on the phone. He is of eastern-Asian descent, with a haircut that is half buzzed and half grown out and swooped over his head. He is wearing a long-sleeved maroon shirt with gold patterns on it, a few necklaces, silver rings, and black nail polish. In his hands he is holding a mostly empty glass that still has a drink in it. He has a serious look on his face. End ID.]

3. Which character do you think would have an identity more similar (If not identical) to yours?

okay so im a transmasc pan lesbian/sapphic and that's the exact hc i have for max from stranger things. which is actually uh. my pfp so yeah dasfadsf i love her and i will forever die on the hill that she is transmasc, pan, and lesbian and i love her so much

4. a character and a label of your creation that you think they would use

this is a good one and i honestly haven't thought about it that much but i think maybe scorpia from she-ra would identify as a sunflower sapphic. i definitely hc her as an ace sapphic but now that i think about it, she definitely seems much more interested in qpr and platonic stuff than in romance and she seems to get more squishes than actual romantic stuff. so while i dont exactly see her as omniaspec i do kinda see her as a sunflower sapphic (sapphic who is omniaspec but sapphic oriented)

[renaerys]

22. for reds 🤡

This is 100% not what you asked for (yet...👀), but I give you part 1 of what we're calling the Weird King AU. I'm turning this into a proper multi-chapter High School fic because I love you and I'd jump on any bandwagon for you.

xxx

Like most young, conventionally attractive Supervillains, Brick had made a bit of a habit of failing upwards. It was pretty easy in a town full of simpering morons content to project their own narrative assumptions onto him, and who was he to crush their dreams when they made his life a little easier?

For example, dating.

“You can tell me, you know.” His cute date, Tracy, sipped her milkshake across from him.

“Tell you what?”

She softened and reached her hand across the table. “Your tragic backstory. I’ll listen without judgment, I promise.”

Brick tried to think of something tragic, but it all seemed pretty underwhelming as far as Supervillain origin stories went. “You mean like how I was born in a toilet?”

She made an oh shape with her lips. “We all have those days where we feel like we were born in a toilet, Brick.”

He’d dated Tracy for three months before she broke up with him out of the blue in tears: sorry she couldn’t fix his baggage, she just wasn’t strong enough to handle all that tortured darkness, but she wished him nothing but health and happiness. Brick deleted her number from his phone and spent twenty whole minutes staring at the toilet in his bathroom, wondering what the lesson here was.

But everything changed when Mojo got out of prison and moved Brick and his brothers back to Townsville, where he enrolled them in the local high school alongside their former arch nemeses, the Powerpuff Girls.

Suddenly, everything Brick did pre-supposed ill intent. These people remembered him as the pest who had graffitied their local monuments and blown up their cars and endangered their children. They held no love for him, and at best they feared him. This was not Citiesville, where he’d been a tall, cold glass of Voss water in a sea of recycled Dasani.

He found himself thinking about his birthing toilet again as he stepped into the cafeteria alone and the conversation quieted down as his new classmates watched him from the safety of their tables. His next moves here were critical. He was no longer at the top of the food chain, but fear and mystery surrounding his origins and character gave him a certain power over his peers.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of social suicide, I will fear no cringe,” he said to himself.

The jocks were out. Capable though he may be, Brick was not much of a team player unless there was a blood contract involved requiring his participation on pain of satanic torture. The drama kids were also a hard pass, not because he thought drama was lame, but because they had barely noticed him walk in, and Brick did not have the energy to deal with people more self-involved than himself. Some of the unaffiliated tables could be safe, but without a good understanding of the nuanced social dynamics in the high school, he could be heading toward irreversible doom, and that was a risk he was not willing to take.

He saw his salvation just ahead. It was the only option, all else being equal. In an environment where he couldn’t be certain of his baseline status and potential for upward mobility, there was greatness to be had only by association and certainty only in the devil he knew.

Brick helped himself to the empty seat directly across from Blossom Utonium to a chorus of gasps and staring.

Blossom did not startle like her table mates had. She watched him critically behind a head full of bangs as she balanced her soup spoon in her hand. “Really.”

Brick unwrapped the burrito he’d purchased in the lunch line and brandished it before him. “Really.”

He took a bite of the burrito. It was not hot enough. The two girls to Blossom’s left whispered to each other about that bad boy and he’s hot, though.

Blossom daintily spooned soup into her mouth without spilling a single drop as she continued to watch Brick for signs of his imminent dark side transformation.

The guy next to Brick was brave enough to ask him what his next class was. Brick had a mouth full of disappointing burrito, so he passed the guy the printout of his class schedule in lieu of answering.

“Wow, all APs, huh? Hey, we’re in U.S. History together next period, nice. I’m Mike Believe, by the way. Brick Jojo, right?”

Brick didn’t answer him immediately on account of the burrito currently occupying his mouth hole, and Mike took it the wrong way.

“Oh, yeah, we all know who you are. Blossom sort of filled us in.” He winced like he’d inadvertently revealed a terrible secret.

Brick swallowed his food and washed it down with a gulp of water. “Saves me some time.”

Mike looked super relieved. “For sure! Hey, I could lend you my notes if you want to catch up. Gershwin’s giving a quiz on the Progressive Era on Friday, and she’s a hard-ass who definitely won’t care that you just transferred…”

Brick chewed on his lunch as Mike continued to talk at him about classes and other vaguely helpful, albeit uninteresting, information. But Mike seemed normal enough, a little chatty but not in an overeager sort of way. Blossom was no longer clocking his every move and seemed to be absorbed in her friend’s latest swim team cheating scandal, until Brick reached for his water bottle and she suddenly laser-focused on his wandering hand.

Her keen attention to him was honestly flattering, if expected. It was in his nature to be noticed, and in this narrow respect she was no different from anyone else whose head he turned. If she chose to feed her interest with the flames of suspicion, then it was no difference to him.

But if she was anything like him—and on a chemical level she was probably the closest to him that a person could get—he suspected it took tremendous effort to hold her full and sustained attention. The world they inhabited was as vapid and mundane as the humans that surrounded them, and even the most gracious of gods grew bored of worship. Which explained all the smiting and fucking and generational curses upon entire households in everything from Greek mythology to the Old Testament.

Brick was pretty deep into a fantasy of Blossom going full Ixion and the Wheel on the swim team when Mike tapped his shoulder. “You ready to go?”

It took him a moment to realize the bell had rung and he had a class to get to—AP U.S. History with Mike, apparently. Brick gathered his tray and his bag and followed Mike. When he looked back at the table, Blossom was already gone.

xxx

That whole first week was painfully boring. No one bullied him, or pranked him, or picked a fight with him, of course. But no one really approached him, either. His brothers were more determined to make an effort. Boomer announced he was trying out for the soccer team because there was no rule saying a Super with extremely well documented ties to active criminals and the forces of Hell couldn’t kick a ball around a field. Butch had gotten himself invited to a midnight screening of Snakes on a Plane in some rich kid’s home movie theater, but only after that same kid had accidentally spilled milk on Butch and burst into tears in front of a cafeteria full of Juniors and Seniors. Brick declined the invitation Butch extended to him. He had that AP U.S. History exam to study for on Friday, anyway.

He shared all of his classes with Blossom. Even in the classes where her assigned seat was behind his and he couldn’t see her, he could feel her lobotomizing stare at the back of his head whenever she glanced up from her notebook. And while Mike’s notes were perfectly adequate and the friendly gesture counted for more than the content (a gesture Brick would not soon forget), there was a far more efficient way to accomplish his goal of murdering the class averages while also taking the edge off his loner doldrums.

“Can I borrow your class notes?”

Blossom rose from her seat and pulled her hair tie out to re-do her extremely long ponytail. She held the elastic between her teeth as she worked. Her teeth were very straight, he noticed. Some pretty nice girl-teeth, generally speaking.

“Which class?”

“All of them.”

He watched her wind the elastic around her hair with quick, adroit fingers. “That’s a lot of notes.”

“You’re the top of every class. No point in asking anyone else.”

She moved toward the hall. He followed her out. “Why would I help you?”

A legitimate question delivered without venom. Unlike her sister Buttercup, who’d “run into” Brick after school on Monday and told him to watch his back, Blossom didn’t have to do anything but maintain a general proximity to make her superiority complex known. Which was the kind of flex he could fuck with.

“Isn’t helping people sort of your mandate?”

They had arrived at her locker, which she opened with enough force to rattle the hinges. “I help the helpless. Are you helpless, Brick?”

Brick smiled at her baiting. Had she ever actually said his name at a normal volume before? It sounded good even in her baseline bitch timbre. “Critically helpless. I’m the new student who transferred in the middle of the semester, and you’re the only person who knows me.”

A couple other students clearly trying to get to the lockers Brick was blocking hovered just out of reach. They whispered to each other, but neither of them actually worked up the courage to ask Brick to move. He ignored them.

Blossom rummaged in her locker for the binder she would need for the next class. “Make friends.”

“Working on it.”

The locker door slammed and she faced him. There was something confrontational in the way she held herself before him that kicked him in the nuts back in time thirteen years to their more uncouth days when all he wanted to do was destroy her so he’d be the only one. Now they were older and wiser and he actually did need her notes to study, so destroying her was not high on his list of priorities.

“You want to be my friend.”

“We have so much in common.”

“So do lions and hyenas.”

“Both are apex predators, so.”

She took a step closer and peered up at him. Brick did not move, although he wondered what was so interesting about his face. She probably just thought he was hot. She was probably as bored as he was. She probably—

“You have lettuce in your teeth.”

Brick pulled back and covered his mouth on instinct. God fucking damnit.

Blossom was already walking away from him by the time he’d picked the food from his teeth. “I’ll expect my notes back in mint condition before first period tomorrow morning.”

Brick pressed a fist against the lockers and quietly fumed. “Dumbass…”

“Um, sorry, but do you mind…?”

The student who’d been waiting for her locker space to clear up had her palms up as if to assuage a feral stray. Brick pushed off the lockers, but his fist left a dent where he’d unleashed some of his impotent self-pity. He looked back at the girl, and she shook her head.

“It’s fine! It, uh, it happens sometimes.” She pointed a couple lockers down to Blossom’s, which was dinged up worse than the others.

Brick stared at Blossom’s locker, and then back at the girl. Her narrow, dark eyes were wide, but not out of fear. She was waiting for something, and like an idiot it took him a moment to catch up. “You’re trying to make me feel better about fucking up your locker.”

She laughed nervously. “I mean, it’s really fine! You just looked so miserable for a second there, and I just thought…”

Great, he was moping so hard he had an audience.

The five minute warning bell rang, and a flood of students rushed past them on their way to fourth period. Brick stepped aside so the girl could get to her locker.

“Hey, you’re the new guy, right?”

The new guy, yeah. How quaint. Except, she was waiting for a response, which wasn’t the absolute worst thing that had happened to him all week.

“Brick,” he said. But of course, she already knew that, and she was just being nice.

“I’m Kim. Kim Chan.”

“Okay.” He didn’t have anything else to say to her, so he decided to get his shit and get to his next class.

“Welcome back to Townsville, Brick.”

Brick shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked off. It didn’t occur to him until later that Kim was the first and only person who had properly welcomed him back home.

[cherryblossomriot]

i had a dream the other day that was basically a dinluke cowboy au and it has been HAUNTING me, so just allow me to deposit it upon you like my subconscious drop kicked it onto me:

Luke is a disabled veteran who has returned from war one hand lighter and several scars heavier. When he returns, his family, who are heavily involved in the politics/military of this fictional land, don’t understand his now jaded and melancholic view of both the world, but also the ideologies that they so strongly believe in, leading him to constantly feel like an outcast even among the people that he so dearly loves. They’re all passionate and strong-willed, but they still don’t understand, not his struggles with mental health or his new perspective, and it just makes things worse and worse and worse. Anakin is a general, and though he’s seen the gruesomeness of war firsthand, he’s also become desensitized to it and has anger-management issues, so he often almost finds a sort of refuge within the chaos of battle, so he clearly cannot even fathom the emotions and trauma that Luke is trying to sort through, much less know how to deal with them properly. Padme is a senator and cares deeply about the crimes and seemingly senseless violence occurring during the war, but she’s also a politician and knows how to play the long game, so when Luke comes to her, he leaves feeling misunderstood and pushed aside. Leia is the only one who seemingly understands, as the pair of them have a deep, intrinsic bond, but she doesn’t fully grasp Luke’s moods and doesn’t handle his breakdowns and flashbacks well. So everyone feels a little upset, a little unsettled, and a lot like they don’t understand why and how Luke has changed, which leads to Luke feeling more and more out of place within his own family. The war ends relatively soon after Luke’s return, which leads to parades which leads to awards which leads to balls and banquets, all of which Luke is forced to attend, his heart dragging but his head held high, because he’s an Amidala-Skywalker goddammit, and we have a certain responsibility and image to maintain to the public and everyone who endured so much. So Luke has to sit there through awards and boasts of glory and mentions of battle scars and it goes on and on and on, and he has to smile and bear it and accept the medal that they’re giving him because he did such a great service to his country and-he has a panic attack. A nasty one that leads to him having to flee from a ballroom, and outside to the gardens. Once he’s there, he realizes that he doesn’t want to go back in. At all. So he runs away. He just picks a direction and goes, stealing a car on the way (this is a modern au but also fictional countries because I don’t want to get into real politics, hooo boy no siree). In the middle of nowhere, he gets caught in a storm and basically crashes his car and passes out. 

But when he wakes up! That’s when the fun begins. 

He’s in this cozy sort of bedroom, and this hot guy is fast asleep in the chair beside his bed, and is that a little kid in his lap? Anyway, the hot guy wakes up, introduces himself as Din Djarin in the softest, most attractive voice Luke has ever heard with his own two ears, and doesn’t ask him where he’s from or what he was doing driving in the middle of bumfuck nowhere at 3 in the morning, so Luke is obligated to have a lil crush on him, even though he’s not sure about the kid. So he asks, and Din introduces him to his son Grogu, who waves at him and signs hello, because, as Din explains, he doesn’t speak much, and the foster system wasn’t too kind to him, so he’s got a little bit of trauma to work through. And Luke just, instantly falls in love with this soft dad and his cute little son who can shift his features from the biggest, most pleading puppy eyes ever to the face of a demented gremlin who will try to eat the frog he caught in the backyard, no matter how slimy it is, or how hard it tries to wriggle out of his hands. Din tells Luke that he can stay for however long he needs, because Luke’s kinda injured from his accident, and anyway, once he’s healed up, they always could use another hand on the farm. So Luke stays, and he meets all of Din’s other farm hands (and shitty friends). There’s Boba, who doesn’t talk much, but when he does it’s always something slightly ominous and menacing, and Luke thinks that his name sounds familiar...hey wasn’t he on the news for robbing a couple banks a few years back?...no, surely not..., Fennec, who speaks even less than Boba, and manages to be far, far more intimidating, but also helps Luke with his prosthetic and gives him fun little tips that always sound more like she’s cut off a lot more limbs than she’s lost. Cara Dune (who is not gina carano but i digress) is also there, and she’s just constantly a harbinger of chaos, but will babysit Grogu whenever Din wants to brood and stare longingly into the distance (or at Luke who’s also brooding as the sun sets but shhh). Bo-Katan and the gang are there, and while Bo-Katan grumbles about how the old ranch boss had different/better methods on how to run things, she still follows Din’s lead and helps him with the finances and taxes. They all take to Luke like a wildfire, because Luke is a sunshine boy who can make friends with literally anyone and somehow manages to make Din not only smile but laugh, but also because they can tell he’s got a lot of trauma and pain bubbling just under the surface, and they all silently but collectively agreed a long time ago that they are the patron saints of troubled and lost souls. 

When Luke gets better and starts to help out, he’s constantly upset with himself because he used to help out at his aunt and uncle’s farm in the summers when he was a kid, and he knows how to do this stuff, but his prosthetic is really throwing him off and his body has sustained a lot of other injuries that make doing manual labor a much more different experience than it used to be, but everyone is really patient with him and helps him out, especially Din. At one point, Din is so nice that Luke just loses it, because he doesn’t understand how Din can be so kind and so patient, and care about him so much, and kind of calls himself broken and useless in front of Din, and Din gets super protective and grabs his hands (real and prosthetic) and tells him that he’s not broken or useless, and you’re so sweet and wonderful, and can’t you see? Ever since you’ve been here, everyone’s been so much happier, so much lighter. You’ve brought something precious to us, but most of all to me. And they’re standing really close and for a second Luke thinks Din is going to kiss him, but instead, Luke realizes that he’s crying, and Din just wraps his arms around him and holds him.

After that, time sort of blurs, marked by things like Grogu climbing into Luke’s bed because he sensed that he was having a nightmare, and Din waking up to find the pair of them coloring in a serene silence, Luke getting the hang of ranch life and his prosthetic and dealing with his panic attacks and flashbacks as they come, and Din enduring relentless badgering from his friends because hey, if you don’t marry Luke, I will and Fennec, you’re a lesbian and that doesn’t matter, it’ll be a marriage of twink and butch solidarity. And all the while, Din and Luke are spinning closer and closer towards each other, two suns hurtling in their orbit to the other with an inescapable certainty. 

When it finally happens, they’ve just gotten back from one of those cowboy dances (idk what they’re called...hoedowns? yeah okay) (and yes, I wanted to hit all of the cliches in the book, thank you very much), and Grogu’s fallen fast asleep on Luke’s shoulder. After they tuck him up all snug in his bed, they head out to the porch, because it’s raining outside, and the steady thrum of water droplets splattering on the roof and on the grass is the most soothing sound Luke has ever heard (aside from Din’s voice), and he’s a little too afraid to go to sleep and ruin his perfect night with a nightmare. They stand there for a while, silence binding them together, shoulders brushing every now and then, hesitant and questioning. Luke thinks about how Din had asked him to dance earlier, his lips tilted in a teasing, but achingly soft smile, and how his heart had pounded a tattoo to the shape of his ribs when they’d pushed up so close together, the fast, rowdy dances of the beginning of the night having faded to something lasting, something meaningful. Luke remembers the ball he’d run away from, how the dancing had been cold, almost jeering in a way, and Luke realizes how far he’s come, how different it is here. And suddenly, there isn’t a question in his mind anymore. He turns toward Din, who turns toward him, and when he leans forward, Din breathes an uncertain “Luke-”, but he doesn’t get to finish the thought. Luke kisses him, and he kisses back, and it’s just them. There are hands in hair and noses nudged together, and at some point, they move, without either of them releasing the other, into the house and into Din’s bedroom. Buttons are unbuttoned, and whole stretches of skin are kissed, and when it’s over, they curl up together, Din tucking his head into the crook of Luke’s neck and falling asleep there. 

When they wake up, Luke explains why he came here, why he ran away, all the while Din looks at him with his beautiful dark eyes and runs his hands through Luke’s hair, which is catching the sunlight filtering in through the window and making him look like he has a halo, all the while never once condemning him for keeping it a secret this whole time. After he’s finished, he expects some sort of shocked reaction-after all, his family’s pretty famous, but all Din does is kiss him and ask, “Wait, so you have a twin?” 

It’s so unexpected that Luke throws his head back and bursts into uncontrollable, and very contagious peals of laughter, and when he’s finally able to breathe again, he kisses Din’s forehead and murmurs, ���I love you.” 

Din, who has been touch starved and lonely for years (no time for relationships when you’ve got a business to run and a toddler to raise), tears up and kisses him, too overwhelmed for words. But Luke understands.  

And then Grogu pushes his way into the room holding up a box of Frosted Flakes above his head and shaking it, as if to say, I’d like to eat now, please. 

Din and Luke stifle their smiles into the other’s shoulder, and when they get up, Luke can’t help but think that he’s finally where he belongs.

----

It takes approximately .5 seconds for all the others to figure out they’re together now, and Cara and Bo-Katan (of all people) start cheering immediately, to Din and Luke’s shock. Boba and Fennec grumble and begrudgingly hand over a huge wad of cash each to Cara and Bo-Katan because they thought it would take them at least another two weeks to get together. Din’s very done with his friends at this point, but he takes one look at Luke’s flustered but smiling face and decides he won’t kill them all this time. 

And if everyone thought Luke was a lot of excitement for a humble ranch in the middle of nowhere, then they are in no way, shape, or form, prepared for when his very angry twin sister shows up with a himbo with a shit-eating grin and his 7 foot tall best friend she hired to track her brother down. 

(needless to say, Boba punches Han within two minutes of interaction).

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Gender Thoughts Pt 1 and 2

The first time I put a binder on, a little under a week ago, I felt euphoric. Ever since I hit puberty very early on, I felt uncomfortable with my breasts. They never felt right on me, and even though I’ve come to love them sometimes, they still don’t always feel like they match up. I hated how people always looked at them, pointed out how much they showed in low cut shirts when I never even noticed they were--or even wanted them to. They were just there. I liked the way low cut shirts feel and look on me, I just can’t help these giant sacks of flesh that sit on my chest. 

Except...now I can! I ran my hands over my smooth chest, feeling bright. I looked into the mirror, and felt something warm wash over me. I put on my new masculine clothes, letting my partner clip on my new suspenders. I realized that I was shaking as I looked at myself again… I looked like a boy. I felt like a boy. Like a man. And I liked it. I wanted it. Admitting that to myself was like coming home. 

I remember being in sixth grade, walking around the track for my civil air patrol class. I had been slotted in with the rest of the girls, the boys walking ahead of us. I remember feeling uncomfortable being shoved in with only girls, and looking at the gaggle of boys ahead. The exact thought that whispered in my brain was “I wish I was a boy. I want to be like them, with them.” I never forgot that moment, and how strange it made me feel. How it was easier to shake that thought away, and dismiss those feelings. Except they never really left, did they? 

I remember sitting on my bed, crying with my best friend kneeling in front of me. I remember telling her how I didn’t like feeling like a woman all the time. That I wished I could be a black shadow, monstrous, androdynous. Specifically like Venom. She took my hand, did my makeup all in black and helped me pick out the perfect black outfit to achieve that dark, gothic look. I was so incredibly happy and validated. But I still felt like something was missing. 

I remember going into an Adam and Eve for laugh, not expecting much since I am an asexual with a low libido. I remember seeing packers and feeling my chest tighten. I never liked my genitalia--I had wished for a cloaca or something akin to that, but since that was biologically impossible for a human… I sometimes wished I had the opposite of a vagina. I frequently imagined what it would be like to have a penis. I frequently lamented the fact that I didn’t have one. I took the box up to the counter to ask some questions, my dress swishing as I went. The cashier told me it was for trans people only, and a girl like me couldn’t have it. She didn’t know what asexuality was, and had tried polyamory once but decided it was bad when her girlfriend kissed her boyfriend. I was upset, disheartened, and left the store empty handed feeling frustrated and lost.

I remember finally cutting the long, curly locks that had frustrated and imprisoned me for so long. Seeing all of my hair fall to the floor, staring into the mirror as the barber buzzed the back of my head… It made me want to cry tears of joy. It was the first time in my entire life that I had looked at my hair and was happy. The first time I could look in the mirror and feel like myself. Then I remember wanting to go shorter, and my barber encouraging me to keep it a little longer so I didn’t look manly, so I could still be soft and feminine. The way my stomach dropped and the sick feeling in my chest only increased when he began to make fun of the gay men who came down the street near his favorite restaurant. I never saw that barber again. I instead found a nice local place down the road from my apartment, where the kind lady cut it all off without question, other than “Why?” and accepted my warm “It makes me happy. It makes me feel beautiful.” 

But wearing that binder for the first time? It was as if a beam of light had funneled its way directly into my heart. I felt like a handsome man, with just a little bit of striking man boob, and it felt so right. My partner called me a dashing boy and my heart began to race. I still feel his hand tracing my jawline as he called me handsome, and the butterflies it sent up through my belly, even after more than eleven years. 

I love my partner--he identifies as agender and primarily masculine, and has been on the lookout for a good pair of size thirteen shoes to wear with a dress. They also wear joggers and flip flops and graphic tees and can’t seem to stop talking about the ocean and outer space. They’re probably one of my biggest inspirations for finding myself, and being authentically me. 

I’m not super sure who or what I am right now. I’m still figuring that out, but I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere between agender and genderfluid. I feel like me more than anything else, but all pronouns make me feel good. I feel like all of them and none of them at once, but I swing between wanting to be feminine and masculine pretty strongly, though I enjoy being masculine most of all--even when I’m wearing dresses and pink. I feel like a beautiful person in a dress or a button down, no matter what gender I feel like today or tomorrow. 

I am me. And I am one dashing boy, and one beautiful girl. 

4 July 2021

XXX

Since first writing this little essay, I’ve been doing a lot more examination of my gender. I have come to the conclusion that I am transmasc and nonbinary, and am shaky on the title of genderfluid. I am feeling less and less like a woman--if anything, occasionally adjacent to a woman rather than actually being one. I love feeling like and presenting as a man. I have my first appointment with a gender services doctor at my local community clinic for consultation on starting hrt testosterone. I am planning to start with low dose first, and see how I feel. 

I am still unsure of my exact identity, but I have found great euphoria with being and presenting as a man. I love being a man and everything that entails. I have loved myself like never before. Being with my partner is amazing, and he has been endlessly supportive--even recounting little things they had noticed throughout the years. One of the funniest being that I only ever referred to my body parts--my belly, hands, hair, genitalia--with masculine pronouns. I always seemed to see my body as male even if I had a certain sort of dissonance from it. 

Coming out has been difficult. I have had both positive and negative experiences from it. I have been told going on testosterone would be self harm, and that I can’t be something I’m not. I’ve had coworkers I trusted out me without my permission. But I have also had positive affirmation, polite questions, and discussions. I am terrified to tell my mother and her boyfriend--I have no idea how they will react and am terrified that I will be disrespected and disowned. 

But I am prepared to do whatever it takes to be my happiest and most authentic self. 

I have been binding a lot more often, wearing sports bras for long shifts at work, and occasionally going without either when I feel like letting my man boobs hang free. I’ve had the delightful experience of going to a men’s big and tall store and finally wearing pants. I grew up as a fat girl and felt as if I had to perform high femininity to be taken seriously and be treated well--and had been told by someone I trusted that I was too fat to wear pants, which I heavily internalized. So I had completely cast them away in favor of dresses and skirts, bows and gaudy jewelry. Realizing that I could wear pants was...totally wild. That I could be comfortable and look good in pants and shorts, and that it didn’t matter what people did or thought of me was life changing. Maybe I’ll feel like being feminine again someday, but right now this masculinity and masculine clothing, with perhaps the added spice of funky earrings, feels like home. 

I also grew up autistic and with PCOS, both which I think have affected my gender identity. Being autistic, I truly struggled to connect to others socially, and especially to understand societal norms. Being a proper woman felt like I was making up for everything else I was lacking--I may have been awkward, semi-verbal and weird with no friends, but at least I was cute and girlish. I never connected to womanhood though, and always felt out of place no matter how hard I tried. With PCOS, I had heightened testosterone, which meant wider breasts and shoulders, a lack of periods, and excessive body hair. I recall the endocrinologist asking high school age me if I had excessive body hair around my stomach, breasts, etc. and my mother jumping to say no I didn’t...even though I did. I remember suddenly feeling very self aware and ashamed of something completely natural, and even something I started to enjoy. I started shaving my entire body then. 

I even remember being in middle school, and thinking nothing of my hairy legs. In fact, I loved my body hair and how it felt. A rude girl began making fun of me though, tutting her tongue as she cooed, “Aw, does your mommy not let you shave?” Among other things, all throughout many years of severe bullying and abuse. I remember feeling ashamed, but not knowing why, and immediately shaving my legs, covering them in nicks from my shaky and unsteady hands, that same night. 

So many things set me back in my gender expression. So many things contributed to me willful ignorance and denial. I remember wanting to be butch, and everyone in my life laughing at me and saying I was too soft for that. That sweet, sharp ache in my chest. I remember going to a salad bar with my mother, wearing a button up and telling her I wanted to wear some more boyish clothes around that same time--I had already told her that I was bi sometime earlier. I remember her lip curling, looking uncomfortable, and telling me that I better not become one of those boy girls. My late father was very vocal in denouncing homosexuality and specifically men loving men--something which always sat horribly wrong with me on a deeper level. 

I think I might ending up being a trans man. I am still unsure and figuring myself out, but I struggle greatly with the autistic need for sameness vs. the trans need for change. My sapphic love of women has always been very important to me, and fully becoming a man rather than genderfluid is scary for that very reason. I am still navigating my identity and what it means to me and my reality--but no matter what, being a man, being masculine is integral to who I am. 

I was called a “sir” at a job interview for the first time the other day, and nearly began to bawl from sheer joy. The gender euphoria from that and so many moments is worth so much more to me than the years of suffering and ignorance and my ongoing struggles with dysphoria. I finally got a packer and have had help from my partner in learning to position it properly--I am thinking of cutting my hair even shorter. I have almost perfected a pretty basic tie tying skill. Okay, not really, but I’m getting there. I feel deep inside that even though my father loved me, he would not like who and what I am. Still, I wear the last watch he ever wore, and hope to be a good man like him--and to learn from the toxic parts of him to be an even better man. 

I am very excited to start hrt. I am terrified of hair loss and vaginal atrophy, but I look forward to so much more. I cannot wait for bottom growth and body hair, for the voice drop that will hopefully get me misgendered less. I have always felt disconnected from my voice and look forward to getting to know it better as it changes with me. I look forward to meeting with new facial hair. Working out and growing muscle. I just look forward to my second puberty and becoming more like myself. I look forward to navigating and exploring my gender even further, both with loved ones, support groups, and myself. 

More than anything, I am just happy to be me. 

25 August 2021

[aclosetfan]

Part 2: For some strange reason, I feel a sudden case of Deja vu, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ MsButterFingers has two fics and both made me cry so... for you. :) And lastly, "The notion of Loss" & "Paper Hearts" by Gold Scribbles. Paper hearts is the cutest Blues fic ever.Switching over to questioning you about anything and everything, tell us more about your fake dating au and plans!! And that is it. I hope you do well and hope you haven't read at least one of these fics so I can feel so proud of myself.! :)

Oh no! Idk if there was a part 1 to this ask but I never received it :(

I'll have to look up MsButterFingers. Idk if i've read anything by them yet, and that's pretty wild cause I've read a lot!! I love when fics make me emotional~ can't wait!

AND AHH OMG okay okay okay the Notion of Loss by Gold Scribbles is my fave fic like ever!!!!!! I love it, which is a big deal given how prominent the reds are in that fic because usually I stray from that pairing but ugh the author just fucking NAILS it. If i could ever write anything half as good I'd die happy fr fr

I rec that fic to everyone!! I left a review for it on ffn and the author actually replied, and I about died and went to heaven. It was like meeting a celebrity. I love all their work, but I don't think they update their profile much anymore :( so happy you mentioned them! FEEL PROUD OF YOURSELF YOU'VE READ ONE OF THE BEST AHHH! The greens in that story *killed* me and Boomer's characterization??? So good.

Fake dating au updates under the cut!

i don't have much of an update :( it's still just an outline, but here are some fun facts b/c i really can't wait to write this one

1) I love the idea of Buttercup in her "boyfriends" oversized sweaters, so that's featured heavily

2) I'm actually excited to write Blossom in this one. I'm portraying her as the stoic "doesn't emote often" character--like cool nerd, not the overachiever I usually write her as. I think I'm going for "burnt-out prodigy" lmao. Outside of that, I really don't have any plans for her. Bubbles is featured more prominently then she is.

3) i like making the greens huge dorks who go to great lengths to cover up their dorkiness. This story, as opposed to Buttercrush, shows more of Butch's dorky side. The whole point is the two greens finally get to see each other in a light that rumors/stereotypes/popular media doesn’t portray the other as.

So, Buttercup is the "stone-cold bitch one", but in reality, she's a very passionate and excitable young superheroine (who's overly competitive). She's just a little socially awkward and shy, is all, but she's always determined to help a person in need. She's also the youngest member of Townsville's only superbeing roller derby league (because in canon, the girls aren't the only people with superpowers and I've decided there's probably enough super-people to have super-people sports leagues)

Butch is the "promiscuous bad boy," but in reality he spends his weekends either camping/back-packing or building incredibly nerdy military models. I'm making Butch the Townsville version of an eagle scout BUT because he was "evil" (at one point) HIM had put him in Demon Scouts to meet like-minded children. Demon Scouts is just Boy Scouts, where they learn how to tie knots and match car derbies, but with 10x more blood rituals/sacrifices. (Imagine the delight BC will have finding the fam photos with little butchie in his little demon scout uniform, I'm crying it's so cute).

Butch doesn't mind too much that people think he's a whore, but it bugs Buttercup because she doesn't think it's fair to Butch

In line with Boy Scouts, I just found out in one of the ppg comics the girls were in "Muffin Scouts" and Buttercup only joined so she could eat the cookies, so i'll definitely be using that to my advantage.

4) All of the above is important because a major turning point in the story is Buttercup getting fed up with people assuming things about Butch, her, and their supposed relationship. Everyone thinks they'll break up because she's a "bitch" and he's a "whore," and she's like DAMMIT Butch I know we said we'd fake break-up today!!!! But they can't treat us like this!!!! We'll show them we're the best couple in the whole damn school by becoming Prom Queen and King

and Butch is like lol yeah ok--wait, what are we doing??

5) LOL I can't wait for Buttercup to "meet" Butch's parents. I don't plan on having HIM in this story, just Mojo. But Mojo being like what is she doing on my couch, in my living room, where I live??? Causally?? And Butch is like oh lmao yeah, sorry dad, this is my girlfriend Buttercup. You've met before, right??

And Buttercup--who's funny and a good sport, and love, love, loves fucking with mojo--is like oh lol sup mojo, absolutely love what you've done with the place, haha, anyway I'm boning the fuck out of your boy.

And Brick, Boomer, and Butch (b/c he kind of forgets for a second she's talking about him) are just like 🤣🤣AHHHHHH🤣🤣🤣 YEAH SHE IS

and mojo just straight up dies.

[inkykeiji]

hello, bby💞💞 i absolutely ADORE everything u write, ur insanely talented!! I wanted to ask, you’ve mentioned several pieces of art, precisely songs and films, that have inspired ur work; could u give us some music and movie recommendations that have similar vibe to some of ur fics??? Thank u in advance, I hope u have an incredible day/evening, lysm💓💞💖

THIS QUESTION OOOOOOOH YES ANON YES okay okay first of all, thank you so much!!!! i appreciate that a lot <333 YES i love film so much hehehe <3 my music recommendations are pretty much the same as they always are. the films i’m recommending here; i’m not exactly sure if they have a similar vibe to my fics as i’ve found it difficult to find many films that fit that criteria, but here’s a nice huge list of films that have influenced my main series’, and how!!

beware!! very long post under the cut hehehe AND POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR BMB IF YOU KNOW THE FILMS HEHEHEHEHE

𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬

the godfather, part 1 + part 2

AAAAAAAAH okay, literally one of my favourite films of all time, the godfather (+ the godfather pt 2) is a fucking masterpiece. tomura’s close relationship with his father was both inspired by bnha itself as well as michael corleone’s relationship with his father, vito. michael is the golden child even though he’s the youngest, and i love love love how cold and ruthless he can be!!! he’s also super smart.

goodfellas

listen. if henry hill from goodfellas and michael corleone from the godfather had a baby, it would be tomura. he’s slightly more henry than he is michael, but his characterization pulls from both of these characters!! henry is fun, he’s reckless, he’s young, he feels like a god and he loves cocaine. henry also becomes very paranoid, a path with tomura is currently speeding down (albeit much more intensely, with legitimate mental health issues, but you get it). i also love the subtle ‘mafia princess’ trope goodfellas has going on with henry’s wife, karen (that scene where she says she’s going shopping and asks him for money, and he takes out that massive wad of cash?????? brilliant, one of my faves hehehe). henry also has some difficulty dealing with his emotions!!

narcos season 1 + 2

k, i can’t say too much about how this incredible show inspired bmb; i kind of feel like listing it is already giving away too much hehehe BUT i love the pure POWER pablo exudes, and i love his relationship with his wife and how family oriented he is.

scarface (both the original 1932 version and the 1983 version)

WOOOOOOOOOO OKAY. for the 1983 film: cocaine my friends. cocaine and violence and toxic relationships!!!!!!!  i kind of love elvira hancock more than anything else; she’s so glamorous and fun and just aaaaah she’s definitely not as ‘baby’ or ‘good girl’ as bmb!reader is, but her sheer class and cute dresses and just how SPOILED she is reminds me a lot of bmb! for both 1932 + 1983: tony’s relationship with his sister, gina (which tbh borders on incest). gina’s another one of those ‘mafia princess’ types, and tony is extremely overprotective of her and spoils her like mad, too. she’s also fits that ‘good girl’ archetype a lot more!!

reservoir dogs

purely the violence. the violence the violence the violence, the crude and crass way the men talk to each other, and the fact that they’re like a lil organized crime group put together by a boss. i am IN LOVE (IN LOVEEEEEEEE) with mr blonde (aka vic vega <333). mr blonde’s extreme sadism reminds me quite a bit of both dabi and tomura, and he’s even referenced in the lil torture piece i wrote!! also, you literally cannot tell me that vic wouldn’t spoil the absolute HELL out of his good lil princess if he had one <3

(not a film, but!!!!!) hamlet

break my bones is very very very loosely based on hamlet (which is my favourite story of all time. literally. i love hamlet so much i can’t even put it into words); with tomura as hamlet, dabi as a mixture of horatio and laertes, and reader as ophelia. hamlet, my precious baby, is a spoiled fucking brat, who loved his father and was loved by his father. he’s also very intelligent, but falls prey to his indecisiveness and his inability to make decisions, in addition to the rapid decay of his mental health. that’s all i’ll say hehehe

baby driver

the relationship between baby + debora reminds me of the relationship between dabi and reader a lot <333 i also just love the aesthetic of this film, and the undercurrents of organized crime!!

the shining

just a teeny tiny bit; i cannot say anything about this or i think it’ll give something away!!!!!

burning

trios!!!!! trios!!!!!!!!!!!!and the relationship dynamic between jong-su, hae-mi and ben??????? absolutely incredible and reminds me quite a bit of the dynamic between tomura, dabi + reader!!

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐀𝐔 (𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞) + 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐲𝐚-𝐧𝐢𝐢

i’m grouping these two together, because a lot of their influences overlap in terms of dabi + reader’s relationship!!! (i’m pretty sure we can all agree that touya-nii is so fucking Daddy, too <3)

true romance

i fucking love this movie, so so so much. i’d go as far to say that clarence and alabama’s relationship has without a doubt inspired or influenced every single romantic relationship i’ve written in at least some way, shape, or form. i LOVE them. i love their co-dependency on each other, i love their whole ‘it’s you and me against the world’ vibe, and i love how far they’re willing to go for each other. also, again, organized crime (no surprise), and alabama is just the cutest fucking thing i swear to god. that scene of her + virgil in the hotel room will forever be one of my absolute FAVOURITE scenes in cinematic history. i would die for this woman i love her more than anything. she’s so cute yet so strong, so brave, so IN LOVE, and aaaah that is just one of my favourite characteristics ever ever ever. i love women who are soft and strong at the same time, even if that strength isn’t physical.

sid and nancy

hello to one of the most famous toxic relationships ever!!! honestly, i don’t think i have to explain this one much LMAO. obviously my readers aren’t as hardcore as nancy and almost always fall into the ‘innocent good girl’ category, but their RELATIONSHIP itself reminds me quite a bit of the relationship between touya-nii and his princess <3

bonnie and clyde (1967)

ahahaha yet again, another very toxic, very co-dependent type of love. like clarence and alabama, i love how these two are literally willing to die for each other—they’d go straight to the ends of the earth for one another, no questions asked. this type of love is extremely unhealthy, obviously, but it’s something i am extremely fascinated with and love exploring in my work! also, that whole ‘fuck the world let’s commit crimes together’????? very tag you’re it dabi x reader!!!

pulp fiction

more specifically, the relationship between mia and vincent. the sexual tension there is fucking crazy, and i love how mia is yet again one of those ‘mafia princess’ types. really, this film applies to bmb as well, but i’m putting it here because the way vincent gets so so SO soft for mia reminds me of the way touya-nii and dabi in these two series in particular get soft for their readers. also, to a lesser extent, the relationship between butch and fabienne. i know a lot of people don’t like fabienne and get annoyed with her, but i think she’s just the cutest thing and i heavily relate to her and her babie/crybaby nature <3 and of course, the relationship between pumpkin and honeybunny (for tag you’re it especially!) <33

breathless (a bout de souffle)

there’s just something about michel that reminds me of touya-nii SO much. i think it’s a combination of his attitude as well as his petty life of crime, and the way patricia hides him in her apartment...i don’t know, it’s difficult for me to put into words, but i love him a lot <3

𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤

the joker + harley quinn: i feel like this is so obvious LMAO but i’m obsessed with the idea of that all consuming voracious love that borders on serious obsession. extremely possessive socio/psychopath and his dumb lil baby????? yes <3 (**i also wanna make a note to say that harley isn’t dumb AT ALL, but J will often insult her in such a way, and sometimes the men who write her portray her as such as well >.> but harley is one of my favourite female characters ever. i LOVE how girly and fun she is while still being extremely strong and (sometimes, depending on the version) independent. she isn’t without flaws, and i love how her mr j is basically her kryptonite <3)

speaking of batman, bruce wayne: what can i say, i just love spoiled rich men who have serious issues dealing with their emotions and walk the line of good and evil <33333

anakin skywalker/darth vader: listen, anakin was seriously slighted by those prequel films. but underneath all of that bad writing, at his core, anakin is a fantastic character. he is SO strongly governed by his emotions and is extremely selfish, and his love for his wife and family is ultimately what leads him down the path to the dark side <3 his emotionally charged motivations remind me a lot of CANON dabi!!!

thelma and louise: i just love their relationship, like, a lot hehehe. their relationship and the ending of this film reminds me a lot of my snowman & me; just yet again that whole ‘it’s you and me or it’s death’ type thing.

the darjeeling limited: it should be obvious at this point that i love trios, and i love complex characters and the relationships that come along with them. the relationship between the whitman brothers, the dysfunctional family, the truama and sadness...i love it all. this film is absolutely beautiful and really doesn’t connect much to my work other than the character dynamics, but i love it so dearly.

mad men: again, those misogynistic toxic relationships and the dependency betty has on don for the first few seasons!! also my god, the aesthetic, i am obsessed.

twin peaks: this hasn’t shown up too much in the work i’ve posted on my blog just yet, but i’m head over heels in love with the dreamy unsettling feeling that saturates this entire series, as well as the drugs and crime. also dale is my baby, protect him with everything <3

blade runner (both films): for city aesthetic

suckerpunch: an absolutely awful film but also one of my guilty pleasures, purely because i love babydoll so so so so so much <33 again, more for aesthetic than story.

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂

honestly, my music recommendations are exactly the same as they are in this post right here. lana del rey, lil peep, chase atlantic + the neighbourhood are the four that i’d say influence my work the most tho, and have the most similar vibe to my stuff!! also, nicole dollanganger is an incredible artist and lyricist, and i’ve been told more than once that my work and her work are quite similar (which i agree!!!). her stuff is hauntingly beautiful, but i have a lot of difficulty listening to it because it hits a little too close to home and makes me cry literally every single time. so please be wary of that, i’m giving a general trigger warning for her because she can get quite dark. but her work is absolutely fantastic, i highly recommend as long as you feel that you can handle it!!! <33

AAAAAH I KNOW I’M MISSING LIKE A MILLION THINGS I SWEAR but these are the films (and tv shows) + artists that readily come to mind!! thank you again for your question anon, i love stuff like this so much and i love discussing films and art hehehe <33

[redinkofshame]

Some late night ramblings Re: gender and toddlers bc I can't sleep.

I mentioned a while back that my kid's pediatrician asked if he could tell boys from girls and how much it upset me, like, can you?? (<-- I regret not saying it. I should have.) At the time I said no, he thinks everyone is a boy.

I soon realized I was wrong; he doesn't think everyone is a boy, he just only knows/uses he/him pronouns. Boys are he/him, girls are he/him, inanimate objects are he/him. I've been working on it with him every time he gets it wrong (but it's not working at all)

Ignoring for a minute that I don't particularly like that my 3yo can correctly (or as correctly as anyone else) say 'that boy won't play with me' or 'that girl took the ball'... (Like, how can he tell? They’re just kids...) Even though he can't grasp pronouns I'm glad that he's exposed to gender neutral on a regular basis thanks to the librarian that does toddler time at the library, Mx. Jude. I feel like it's scary to tell parents your proper pronouns because so many people are shitty but I'm glad they did. I guess I should write a comment card or something? Or is that patronizing?

I've been working on my own pronoun use, too. I try to remember not to assume and to use neutral terms unless I know otherwise. Kinda hard to unlearn a lifetime of cis stuff but I try. Sometimes I mess up in my head at work -- hard not to make assumptions when speaking with a nurse named Angela -- but I (think) I always remember when leaving a note saying who I spoke to be neuter about it. 

It’s already paid off. Kiddo is in swimming lessons and his teachers rotate all the time so I was introducing him to the week’s teacher. I don’t know if I would have caught myself if it wasn’t easy to see that the teacher was wearing clothes that came from a different department than their AGAB but it slowed me down enough that I remembered to use a they/them, despite my brain telling me I could just assume their gender and sexual preferences based on a glance. I’m really glad I did bc when I tell you their eyes just LIT UP and being called they/them by a new parent. 

So much so even my mom saw it, I think. Or maybe she picked up on me continuing to use those pronouns when talking about them later? I don’t think I ever mentioned them again though. I do know that I saw mom use the correct pronouns weeks later when we saw them again, in that way where she had to slow down before she said it to remind herself to use they/them. I know it’s a struggle for her. It’s hard to re-learn! She’s very good about Mx. Jude in front of kiddo but sometimes will slip when talking to be about them. 

I probably slow down the same way, though I try not to. It doesn’t come naturally yet. But I’m glad that I’m working on it. And I’m glad people from my mom’s generation are too. 

I grew up with Fox News playing like 24/7, except when we were in the car: then it was Rush Limbaugh. I believed all the rhetoric. But occasionally something someone said would seem Too Unfair to me, and if was coming from my mom I would say so. One time a butch woman (I think. Who knows.) was spending, like, a long time primping her hair in the Target bathroom. Mom muttered something like ‘she’s spending an awfully long time on how she looks for someone who doesn’t care how they look.’ and I was like ‘who says she doesn’t care?? Just because YOU don’t like women with short hair doesn’t mean SHE doesn’t like it. You don’t know she cut it just to say ‘fuck you’ society.’ (though, now that I’m older and wiser, more power to them if they did. I also like to imagine they were getting ready for a date or talking to a cute cashier.)

She used to say It’s okay to be gay but they shouldn’t be *married* they can just have ‘civil unions’. It took me YEARS to stop believing that, but when I did I found an excuse to bring it up again so I could say something about it. 

And folks? It worked?? Like I didn’t notice at the time. I don’t think she really responded either time and the subject moved on. But even she still remembers that time in the Target bathroom because it left such a ‘o shit the kid’s right’ imprint on her, and it’s made her think about some things more critically.

But now we’re at a point that my mom will text me about how my kiddo loved playing with Mx. Jude today, just casually in a text. I didn’t even know where she learned that Mx. was a thing. She didn’t learn it from me.  (I’ve since gathered she probably learned it from the teacher.) I’ve never really talked her much about gender outside explaining why some people go with bi and some pan and some other ones out there. 

Which! Side note. When her teenaged nephew came out as bi to her sister, and then the sister talked to mom about it, mom was able to explain ‘just because someone’s attracted to multiple genders doesn’t mean it’s always all genders equally; sometimes it is, or sometimes people will still have some preference to girls or boys but are still bi’ because apparently of all the things I said to her about it that one was like a lightbulb for her. I have no idea why it mattered in the conversation tbh, only that she later said she was happy that she understood that now, thanks to me. 

I hope this isn’t patronizing to mom, and I don’t want anyone to think ill of her bc she’s super amazing and caring and works so stupid hard for this family. But it’s just great to see that other former Fox-News watchers can just learn to teach themselves to be progressive. 

(Dad’s changed a lot too but not in an anecdote-able way, not as socially, so idk how to describe it. Definitely thinks more critically though.)

 One more before I resort to sleep meds I guess. My cishet BFF just informed me that her spouse is a transwoman. She’s wanted to tell me forever (like 6 month I think) but they weren’t out about it yet and it wasn’t her place to tell, all I knew was that her and spouse were in therapy about something she couldn’t talk to me about yet. 

I focused more on her reaction to it when I was talking to her, because I know how much she hates secrets and has wanted to talk to me about it and I wanted her to tell me all the things she’s been holding back. And also their family’s reactions because they suck. (The reaction is that everyone thinks her wife is going to hell, even the wife’s mother.) But the first thing I asked was how to spell her wife’s new name. 

When the conversation was over and I had her permission to tell others I informed my spouse and mom, because they also know my BFF and might talk about her spouse and I didn’t want them to accidentally misgender/deadname her. 

My mom’s first question was how to spell her wife’s new name 😂 (and then if she was using she/her pronouns or smth else).

Idk. It’s exciting. I’m happy for all you funky little queer folk. I’m sorry my ass is taking so long to catch up. I’ll make sure my kiddo is better than me. Forgive him for misgendering over half the population currently (and most inanimate objects).

[velvet-verve]

Cat Scratch Fever?

See this post if you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about.

Okay of all of them this isn't the one that I expected would get the most attention but wowie am I excited it did.

Okay so! this little fetus of a story I've got goin' on actually does take place in the Fugue State universe, but it's my fallout 3 Butch Deloria/Female Lone Wanderer pet project. Sort of a prequel if you think hard enough, since little Mac plays a pretty big role in this one, too.

I'm not sure how I want to structure the story yet, so so far it's just a ridiculous amount of scenes that I've written with no way to string them together in a way that pleases me. My Lone Wanderer's name is Jane, (for now,) and she gets quite the infamous reputation in the capital. Complete with a cool nickname (or two) and a really awesome baseball bat.

I want to create a real Bonnie and Clyde partners in crime kinda vibe. Okay, maybe not crime necessarily, but, you know...some anti-hero morally vague stuff every once in a while. "I do what I want and if you've got a problem with that you can talk to this fucking baseball bat or my guard dog Butch" kinda thing. But she sure doesn't start off that way.

Here's a super duper rough snippet of little Janie Weissman trying her first cigarette at the ripe age of seventeen, thanks to the masterfully corrupting presence of one Butch Deloria, after a very...eventful prom night. (and the eventfulness has barely even started, folks, lemme tell ya.)

Butch liked curious. Curious was good. “You wanna try one?”

Jane jumped a little before turning to look at him with an upturned nose. “Are you trying to corrupt me, Deloria?”

God, yes. “Maybe.”

“Hmph.”

She was still looking at him, though. Studying him like he was a puzzle she couldn’t quite work out. Butch smirked as he watched her eyes follow his fingers to his mouth and she blushed a little.

“Maybe you wanna be corrupted."

Jane’s eyes jumped from his mouth to his eyes as her brows furrowed. “I...that’s not—”

Butch beckoned her over with two fingers, “C’mere.”

She paused, narrowing her eyes before approaching in slow baby-steps like he was some sorta dangerous animal. She stopped right at his knees, and he held out his cigarette with two fingers. Jane just stared at it.

“Go on,” Butch said, still smiling down at her innocent face. “You afraid I’ve got cooties or something?”

She considered it for a second before plucking the cigarette from his fingers, holding it gingerly between her thumb and pointer finger. Butch felt stupidly excited when she wrapped her lips around it, because yeah, their mouths touched the same object, so cheers. Jane took a careful breath and her face immediately pinched as she tore the cigarette away from her lips and started coughing.

"I don’t...I do not like that."

Then, a little later on in the evening,

“I...” She sniffed and balled her hands into fists. “I have nothing to prove to you, Deloria.”

Butch caught her hand as she went to turn away and pouted, “Aw, don’t be like that. No shame in bein’...I dunno, chaste.”

He grinned and Jane tried to tug her hand away, “You’re laughing at me!”

Butch just pulled her closer, “I ain’t laughin’!” He got her close enough to wrap his arms around her waist and pulled until she was standing between his legs. Brave, Mister Deloria. “I think it’s cute.”

Jane blushed and looked him up and down, “I don’t wanna be cute.”

Butch smiled and gave her the once over right back, “Oh, yeah? What do you wanna be?”

Jane lifted her chin, “Terrifying.”

And boy does Janie get her wish. From innocent vault flower to the Lone Wanderer, The Black Cat of the Capital, Jane the Jinx, the personification of bad luck, the...well, you get it. She's cool.

Oof. Sorry about the long post. I could go on, but I won't! Because I have oodles and oodles of self control. 😁

Any more questions you can feel free to shoot me an ask. I have no issue with repeat offenders either. 😘

[bigoltrashpile]

Ok so. You can blame Fall Out Boy for this one. Fairly new relationship, super early on, first couple of dates kinda setting. They're doing the normal "get to know each other" questions and skele asks MC what they do for a living. MC gets this adorable smirk and says "If I told you I was a lawyer, would you let me get you off?" Turns out, MC is actually a lawyer, all joking aside, and mostly does Monster Rights and Defense work.

I fucking love this, dude, that’s a quality line

Mafiatale Sans: It takes him a second to process the pun, but once he does, he’s cackling like a madman.  That’s one of the best lines he’s ever heard, that’s awesome!  He thinks your job is really cool, and might hire you to defend him or one of his mob if he needs it.

Mafiatale Papyrus: He’s going to turn a bright orange, but try to take the attention of him by being mad that you flustered him with a pun.  Of course, he’s not really mad, that was actually very clever.  He wants to learn about your job, if you’ll teach him, and finds it very admirable!

Mafiaswap Sans (Lucky): “ONLY IF I CAN RETURN THE FAVOR~”  Really though, he finds the line really cute, and also super funny.  He’ll probably try to come up with other lawyer related pickup puns.  He admires your intelligence, and that you want to help others, he thinks you’re even cooler when he finds out what you do!

Mafiaswap Papyrus (Slim): He is going to blush SO hard.  He’s honestly super embarrassed, but also finds it endearing.  He thinks that your job is super cool, especially since you do monster rights cases.  That just makes him fall harder for you.

Mafiafell Sans (Butch): He’ll get the biggest smirk on his face, and probably throw several more flirts back at you.  Two can play at this game, doll~  But once the flirt fest is over, he’s going to ask a lot of questions about your job.  He finds it super interesting!

Mafiafell Papyrus (Noir): He’s offended that you’re so smooth.  He’s supposed to be making you flustered, not the other way around!  But really though, he really admires your job.  Maybe in another life, he could have been a lawyer too.  Sadly, once you’re in the mob, you’re there for life.

Mafiaswapfell Sans (Scar): He thinks that your pun is very cute, and he tells you as much.  Seriously though, he really likes that you’re a lawyer, and that you’re intelligent enough to know that much about law.  He might ask to help you with some cases, if you’re willing to let him tag along.

Mafiaswapfell Papyrus (Hound): He laughs at your pun, but is actually a little flustered.  He’s only smooth when he’s drunk, dammit, why do you have to pull shit like this when he’s sober?  He loves that you’re a lawyer, and especially that you help monsters, he can practically feel himself falling more and more for you.

[faulty-writes]

mina x reader in a secretive relationship- the reader is pretty butch, and is friends with the guys (like, joins them in their boys only nights, or if they have any girl problems, they trust you the most, etc); so one day they’re talking about girls and they ask the reader ‘who do you like’ and nonchalantly she just replies ‘my gf’- they get all excited and when she says that it’s mina, they just explode and even bakugou is super happy

It was a silly thing, maybe. Frankly, you had always been quite the tomboy and the fact of the matter is that you always found yourself getting along with the boys. You were more than ecstatic that you got to be part of their “group” and it was almost cute how they would always come to you with questions about girls or simply to get some love advice. Though you weren’t best with advice, you always tried to give them some peace of mind. Of course, despite your closeness to the boys. 

You had managed to keep your relationship a secret from them, well from everyone really. Not that you were ashamed, of course not. So what? You were a girl that liked girls or rather, happened to be dating one. Your girlfriend Mina Ashido was no stranger to affection, and though people did give you two suspicious glances in public. You didn’t think anyone would actually come to the conclusion you were girlfriends. Yet, the truth always had a way to come out. 

While you were content with your relationship, that is, you couldn’t complain. Mina was wonderful, in addition to being beautiful. She was always so positive and no matter what, even if you had a bad day. She could always find a way to make you smile effortlessly, you loved her with all your heart. So why be secretive? It wasn’t so much because you were both girls or you were afraid of what others would think. Honestly, as hero students, it was almost like you were expected not to have a romantic relationship. 

Most heroes believed it would only get in the way of their career but you couldn’t really see it that way. How could you refuse to build a life with someone? It sounded more like an excuse. You seemed lost in your thoughts, sitting on the couch with your legs propped up. Your head was tilted toward the ceiling and your eyes were dull. Your lips pressed together and your body seemed still. You were wearing a rather boyish outfit, along with the hoodie you had stolen from Kirishima. 

Not that he minded much, it was another boy’s night in the dorm. You had already gone out to the arcade and had an overly greasy pizza before practicing some combat moves and finally, the night seemed to end with a video game marathon. Of course, the boys were competing to see who was the best. Not that such a thing needed to be said, you enjoyed being competitive as well. But tonight you seemed to have your head in the clouds and had somehow missed the start of a conversation involving girls. 

Todoroki, Midoriya, and Iida quickly seemed to go silent. “Y/n…” you felt someone nudge you and turned your head, “Hm?” you blinked as you saw Kirishima and his big toothy grin. “What’s up? I was daydreaming,” you replied and heard Bakugou give a huff while Sero and Denki seemed to think it was rather amusing. “Oh, so you didn’t hear what I asked,” Kirishima said as he leaned closer and decided to hit the flap of your hat, causing it to almost fall off. 

“Ah, hey!” you snapped, immediately reaching up to readjust it. “Ah come on, Y/n relax,” Denki said as he flopped down in the seat next to you and wrapped his arms around you. “Denki…” you warned before he pulled you close and tried to give you a noogie, you growled and proceeded to try and wrestle him away before Mineta decided to butt in. “Hey Y/n,” he began and you turned to him with a blank expression. “What.” you replied in a flat tone and watched his face twist into a smirk, “We were discussing babes!” he chuckled soon after, something that made you raise your eyebrow. 

“And?” you questioned as if this conversation would go somewhere. You grunted as you pushed Denki off the couch, watching with some satisfaction as he hit the floor. “Well...we were wondering, what kind of boy do you like? Someone handsome and strong like me, right?” he questioned, deciding to flex the nonexistent muscles he had. Did he truly think that would impress anyone? Poor boy, he had to keep dreaming. But his question made you smile, in fact, a chuckle left your lips. 

“How bold of you to assume I like a boy,” you said before leaning back into the couch. “To answer your question, the person I like is my girlfriend.” silence filled the room after you had spoken those words and you watched all eyes turn on you. “Uh...what?” you responded, was what you said really that much of a shock? Gees, it’s like they never heard of a girl dating another girl. Kirishima leaned close to you, “Uh...so,” he began as he reached up to rub the back of his head, “Who is your girlfriend?” you couldn’t help the smile that came to your lips after that. 

You chuckled and adjusted your position on the couch, glancing over every curious face that seemed to be eagerly awaiting your answer. “Mina.” you finally said after a moment and nearly jumped when Kirishima threw his fists in the air. “YEAH!” he cried out, “That’s friggin awesome!” Denki and Sero seemed to be doing some type of happy dance. “I kind of had the feeling there was something between you two.” Denki said and Sero nodded his head, “Yeah the way she looks at you, it was kind of a hint all on its own.” Bakugou didn’t seem to say anything. 

But you were surprised to see that smile on his face. Almost as if he were truly happy for you. Mineta looked surprised, almost as if you had broken him. “One less babe I can get.” you heard him mutter as he reached up to wipe his eyes. Midoriya and Todoroki seemed to be smiling as well and Iida was enthusiastically clapping before he walked up to you and took your hand. Shaking it like a mad man. 

“This is wonderful news! May I be the first to congratulate you on your relationship! Truly this is a magnificent occasion for you! Love is quite the mystery and-” Midoriya quickly interrupted his rant, “Uh...Iida, I think she gets it.” he replied and Iida quickly cleared his throat, but you saw the faintest blush appear on his cheeks as he adjusted his glasses. “Uh...right, forgive me,” he said as he bowed, Iida was excitable in his own way. But still, you couldn’t help but smile. 

“Thanks, guys…” you said before looking down, “I was a little worried you wouldn’t approve, I mean we are all heroes and…” you pressed your lips together, hesitant to say the next set of words. “Hey…” Kirishima’s soft voice broke through and he reached out to place his hand on your shoulder. You turned to look at him, a little surprised to see the serious expression he wore. “We don’t care, we’re happy for you and as far as being a hero goes. There’s always time for righteous love!” he declared as he retracted his hand and slammed his fist into the palm of it. 

Denki and Sero nodded in agreement. “Yeah and if anyone gives you trouble! I’ll tape their mouth shut for you.” Sero peeped in and Denki chuckled, “Or Bakugou can explode them with his quirk.” Bakugou growled and threw the gaming controller at Denki’s head. “SHUT UP, DUMBASS. Unless you want me to blast your goddamn face off right now!” he snapped and somehow the conversation shifted into the amusement of Denki trying to outrun Bakugou. Well, at least your boys supported your relationship. Maybe you should tell Mina the good news.  

[penzyroamin]

Hi I know it’s been a bit but I’m the confused bi anon. I really really appreciated your response and it wasn’t too long. You made me feel a lot better. I was wondering if you could maybe suggest some books, tv, movies with bi female characters. Thanks soo much for the entire last response . You are absolutely incredible and so sweet. This means more to me than you could ever know❤️

of course!! i’m glad that my first response helped <3

disclaimer of course: i’m not bi! so i’m not an Authoritative Source on bi rep and what people want to see more of. i do actively seek out stuff about lgbtq+ characters, specifically girls and women, so i have some recs! however, i’ll also be adding some things that some bi folks i know have recommended because while lesbians and bi women have a lot in common, these are at the end of the day representing them, not me :)

extra-super favorites will be bolded! i’m putting this under a read more because... i read a lot of books. and recommended a lot of them.

books:

her royal highness by rachel hawkins-- this book is a pretty easy read-- don’t expect any massive revelations about life from it, and you’ll have a good time!!! essentially, a bi texan girl named millie, after having her heart broken by her friend-turned-sort-of-gf, goes to boarding school in scotland and ends up rooming with the princess, flora. if this sounds outrageous and sappy, that’s because it is! and i love it! sexuality isn’t a BIG part of this book, but it’s discussed, and it’s just a generally fun enemies-to-lovers story about a bi aspiring geologist and a no-fucks-to-give lesbian princess and them falling in love!

fried green tomatoes at the whistle stop cafe by fannie flagg-- hello this is actually my favorite book! unlike hrh it is... a LOT to read. it essentially follows 2 stories-- one about a housewife named evelyn and her friendship with an old woman named ninny threadgoode who she meets at the old folks home her mother-in-law stays at, and the other about the stories ninny tells her about her sister-in-law idgie and her partner, ruth. the book was published in 1987, and ruth and idgie’s story is set during the great depression, so they aren’t actively labeled as lesbian or bi, but it’s made obvious enough through coding and the fact that ruth has relationships with men prior to idgie while idgie spends her entire childhood pining after ruth. both storylines are fantastic-- they have a lot to say about the lives of southern women in the 30s and 80s, and about race relations at both periods. i’ll warn you that there are depictions of extreme racism and of abuse, but it handles both delicately. it’s a critical piece of southern literature, and a landmark for lgbtq+ storytelling. as a bonus, my copy has a bunch of great recipes in the back, so if you read it you might chance upon an edition with those in it. if you like poignant period pieces about wlw relationships, women losing their damn minds, and abusive men getting what they deserve, this is the book for you! you will sob. this is a fair warning.

you should see me in a crown by leah johnson-- i haven’t personally read this one, but i’ve heard great things about it from everyone i know who has! an anxious black bi girl in indiana has to win prom queen at her mostly-white school in order to get enough scholarship money to go to the college of her dreams, but ends up falling for mack, another girl running for queen. 

@landlessbud wanted me to shout out red, white, and royal blue by casey mcquinston-- you’ve almost definitely heard about it before (first son and prince of wales, enemies-to-lovers with a side dish of political drama), and it is primarily about a mlm romance, but nora is a fabulously fun bi girl side character and there’s a lot of great stuff about figuring out your sexuality in it.

leah on the offbeat by becky albertalli-- i’ve read a lot of complex thoughts on this book, and mine are... i like it! it’s flawed, sure, and i wish it had handled a few things a little better, but you know what? it’s cute as fuck! leah is a fat bi drummer, and she’s super cool! abby is a great love interest, and she goes through a whole bi realization throughout the book. all in all, it’s just a fun wlw high school romcom with a couple solid dramatic beats and a lot of goofball shenanigans. also, if you were an american girl kid??? one scene in this book will make the entire experience worth it for you.

harley quinn: breaking glass by mariko tamaki and steve pugh-- hey, we’re in graphic novel territory now! this book is RAD. a really neat look at gentrification, community solidarity, giving people what they deserve, and fantastic lgbtq+ found families. teenage harleen quinzel is taken in by a group of drag queens, and is caught between two sort-of love interests-- mysterious vigilante the joker and classmate and community activist ivy-- and the different forms of protest and resistance they represent. the art here is STUNNING, and it’s a great read!

laura dean keeps breaking up with me, by the great mariko tamaki with art by rosemary valero-o���connell-- the vast majority of the characters are lgbt, with a lesbian main character, and the supporting cast including a bi nonbinary character, a bi girl character, and two mlm characters! this is mostly a piece about modern lgbtq+ teenagers and the way toxic relationships take over our lives. it’s one of the most cathartic things i’ve read in a LONG time, and especially if you’re at a point where your sexuality feels kind of vague, this is a great read because it embraces that vagueness by not needing to clearly label the characters and celebrates whatever point of clarity the characters are at. probably some of the most gorgeous art i’ve ever seen in a book, with a beautiful black-white-and-pink color scheme and a really neat approach to visual storytelling.

movies:

i don’t watch many movies, because i get bored really quickly hskdhskhds. but the movies i DO watch are usually gay!

wowie zowie its fried green tomatoes again!-- fannie flagg came back to adapt this into a film and HOT DAMN is it just as good. the plot is primarily the same, with some stuff obviously cut or trimmed to make it a two hour movie instead of a 450 page books fhsjdhsjhds. mary-louise parker plays ruth!!! it got a GLAAD award and an oscar nomination, and god it’s good. there are a couple scenes in here that i think are going to be in my mind until the day i die. the level of pure butch energy that idgie radiates in this film is a one-hit k.o. and it KILLS me.

birds of prey-- listen. this is not a profound movie. harley’s bisexuality isn’t emphasized, and romance is basically nonexistent in this movie. there is some... quite graphic violence. that said, this movie is so fucking fun. it’s mostly just a bunch of women fucking up everyone who crosses them while margot robbie gives a gleeful performance that you can just TELL she enjoyed the fuck out of. the last 20-30 minutes of this movie are the absolute best part, with a long sequence that kind of reinvented what an action/superhero movie could be for me. again, bisexuality isn’t a massive part of this-- it’s mentioned, and then harley just continues on in her gloriously campy outfits and breaks peoples’ knees. again, i CANNOT overemphasize just how fucking good the last 20-30 minutes are. this movie knows what it is and it embraces it. also, women beating people up in costumes that don’t horrifyingly objectify them is always a plus!

imagine me & you-- i’d be remiss if i didn’t mention this one, considering it’s probably one of the most iconic wlw romcoms. a woman named rachel, while at her own wedding, meets a florist named luce, and they fall in love. it’s a very sweet look at questioning your sexuality when you were already secure in it, and rachel’s husband wins “most genuinely understanding guy in a wlw movie” award. it has a lovely happy ending, and articles have been written about the importance of rachel being a bi character who a) gets a happy ending and b) isn’t shamed for figuring out her sexuality later on or slutshamed. this is just... a sweet movie. it’s the romcom a lot of us need in our lives. also, a LOT of floral imagery.

tv shows:

ok, i’ve got a confession. i reaaaaaaally don’t watch much tv. seriously, the only shows i’ve watched a substantial amount of recently have been parks and rec, schitt’s creek, the good place, and gilmore girls. i have a really REALLY short attention span.

that said, eleanor from the good place is bisexual!! the good place is a really wild ride, it’s half afterlife comedy half philosophical musing, and it will almost certainly make you gasp, laugh, think, and also probably cry. also, eleanor is just buckets of fun and she, like many of us, is often blown away by tahani (jameela jamil) and her beauty.

ummm shows i haven’t watched entirely or at all but that have bi women in them and seem pretty good: black lightning, sex education, jane the virgin, arrow. 

if you haven’t already watched it, do not believe what people are going to tell you about watching glee. it will drag you into a pit of despair and white men rapping, and it’s quite biphobic to top it all off.

i hope you enjoy at least some of these!! i tried to include some of my own favs and some that were pointed out to me, so i hope that at least a couple connect with you and make you feel better. again, the bolded ones are my 100% favorites. i love you and i’m glad you reached out again!!! feel free to send some more asks later on <3

[renaerys]

PPG One-Shot: Six Degrees Chiller (Brick/Blossom)

A new cute one-shot in honor of @carriedreamerx birthday! In the same high school AU as part 1, part 2, and part 3, but can totally stand-alone. Also posted on my AO3. Tune in for some laughs and some Reds cuteness!

Summary: Brick goes deodorant shopping. It doesn't end well. (Or does it??)

xxx

Brick squinted at the nine-foot shelf packed with a full color wheel of deodorants and antiperspirants. The sheer surfeit of brands and scents was as daunting to behold as it was absolutely batshit insane—how many ways did people need to not smell like a dirty gym sock?

He picked a random stick and scowled at the label as if it had offended him and all his future progeny. Who the fuck would want to smell like mango lassi?

The squeak of a shopping cart rolling down the aisle sent Brick into a febrile panic for a hot second, and he shoved the saccharine deodorant stick back onto the shelf. A geriatric woman with a hunched back, a bright head scarf, and eyes so folded over with wrinkles it was a miracle she could see anything at all wheeled her cart slowly past Brick, who froze where he stood. She smiled politely at him, and he nodded out of sheer self-preservation instinct. The moment she passed him, he yanked the bill of his red cap lower over his eyes.

“Get a grip,” he grumbled. He was an eighteen-year-old guy buying deodorant, not stool softener. He was totally casual and had absolutely no reason to be so fucking paranoid. Nobody who might recognize him was coming to Cooper’s Market at 8 a.m. on a Sunday.

Brick wiped his clammy palms on his jeans and searched the shelves for what he’d come for so he could hurry up and leave. There it was, fifth shelf in a sea of sleek black and edgy, neon letters: Axe Ice Chill.

“Okay, do you consider yourself more of a music lover, sports star, gaming guru, or style icon?” Boomer had asked as he sat cross-legged on the sofa with his laptop open to the Axe “Find Your Magic” test a few months ago.

“Sports star,” Butch had said on his left, and poked the screen that wasn’t a touch-screen.

“That’s you, moron,” Brick had said, totally above this stupid test. “Pick style icon.”

Boomer grinned. “Oh yeah, your hoodies are so stylin’.” He clicked the next question. “Signature scent? Huh, maybe warm and aromatic?”

“Sounds like one of those Yankee holiday candles,” Butch had said.

Unfortunately, he had a point.

“Well, you're not exactly woody and earthy, and you’re definitely not fruity and sweet—”

“Just go to the next one.” Brick clicked on “fresh and cool” and waited for the screen to load. “Smellin’ good!” the loading page flashed at him. Jesus fucking Christ.

When the quiz presented a true or false statement, Butch moved like he had a bug up his ass and slammed the touchpad before Brick or Boomer could do anything about it.

Boomer tried not to laugh. “Dude, come on.”

“Please, he’s a punk-ass dweeb who’d never make the first move in a fight, let alone on a girl—” Butch had taunted.

Brick punched him in the throat with his Super speed and smiled at the sound of his asshat brother gagging. “Choke and die, motherfucker.”

Butch wheezed as he laughed through the pain, and Brick and Boomer breezed through the more generic age and appearance questions: under 18, long hair (“Mane Man!” the quiz gushed, and Brick almost melted Boomer’s laptop right there), and natural look. After an artificially anticipatory loading screen, a picture of a dude with a clown nose crowd surfing in a sepia Instagram filter appeared on the screen with the generic “Be your best self!” encouragement in blocky letters superimposed upon it, and finally the expert, personalized recommendation for Brick’s body spray needs.

“Because you’re hotter when you’re chill.” Brick had cringed when he read that idiotic tagline the first time, and he cringed reading it again now in the deserted personal hygiene aisle where he prayed no one would find him buying this cry-for-help vanity spritz.

However.

He sprayed a bit of mist in the air and reveled in that cool, icy scent that wasn’t a scent so much as a feeling. Six degrees chiller in a bottle. The first time he’d tried it (under great duress), he’d griped and bitched and slammed his bedroom door to get away from his howling brothers. Settled on his bed with a frown, he had to admit it did cool him off. It was almost pleasant. The smell wasn’t overwhelming like that tiger piss Butch bathed in on the daily. But it wasn’t out of this world compared to the generic shit he’d been using before.

It wasn’t until Blossom sneezed on their way out of AP Lit that her ice breath—and understanding—hit him with the force of a cold snap to the balls.

“Sorry, did I get you?” she’d said, abashed as she covered her mouth with one hand and fished out a bottle of Purell from her messenger bag with the other. Her ice splatter fast melted on his shoulder as his too-warm body absorbed the cold with a bizarre, but extremely pleasant, shiver down his spine.

Son of a bitch, but he had a kink.

Which, of course, spiraled way the hell out of control when he found himself here months later with a recycled shopping bag he’d brought so he could carry the three bottles of Axe Ice Chill he planned to purchase home, because Brick planned ahead and liked to keep his bathroom well-stocked.

Which also, of course, was why at that very moment, fate decided to punch him in the dick.

“Bubbles, you have, like, fourteen bottles of shampoo at home! You don’t need another one,” Buttercup groused at 8 in the goddamned morning on a Sunday.

“Those are all different products, not just shampoo. Honestly, Buttercup.” Bubbles zipped into the aisle with Buttercup on her tail just at the moment Brick had his second panic attack in the span of five minutes and completely lost his shit.

He launched the bottle of Axe Ice Chill so hard into the ceiling that it lodged in there tighter than a prairie-dogging turd.

“Brick?” Blossom’s hand on his shoulder nearly sent him yeeting after his abused body spray, if the sheer mortification didn’t rob him of further motor function and exactly one hundred percent of his brain cells.

Like her sisters, she wore a jacket over her pajama pants. They must have just popped over for some last-minute breakfast staples and a side of peer humiliation. But even in those criminally hideous Ugg boots and five boxes of pancake mix in her shopping basket at 8 on a fucking Sunday morning, her smile glowed.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” he returned lamely, because that was all she was getting from him until his neurological functions rebooted.

“Hi, Brick,” Buttercup said, suspicious like usual and searching for some excuse to bust his balls for a laugh. “What’re you doing here?”

The Super sisters had cornered him in front of the Teen Spirit, which came in an absolutely frightful eighteen scents because there was nothing pubescent teenagers needed more than eighteen reassurances that their social survival depended on smelling like a potpourri candy bar.

“Shopping, obviously,” Bubbles said. “Ooh, Brick, you have straight hair. What do you think?” She held up two bottles of brightly colored free-range, organic hair shit.

“I think I was just leaving,” he managed.

“Empty-handed?” Buttercup peered at him like he might transform into a literal dick with ears if she only managed not to blink for long enough. He could smell the threat of a joke on her.

“They didn’t have the brand I wanted.”

“Oh, that sucks,” Bubbles said, genuinely stricken.

“Girls, let’s get going. I really want those pancakes,” Blossom said.

“We better grab more syrup. Buttercup finished it all,” Bubbles said, already moving away. She dropped both hair products in Blossom’s basket, not bothering to choose between them.

“Oh please, everybody knows you and the Professor are the syrup fiends in this house.” Buttercup floated after her and waved to Brick. “Hey, tell that shithead to answer my texts. He owes me $20.”

“Uh-huh,” Brick said, fully intending not to mention anything about this conversation to Butch at all.

“Sorry about your favorite brand being sold out,” Blossom said.

It’s fine, he would have said had she not caught his cheek in her hand and pressed a frosty kiss to the corner of his lips before he could do anything about it. Frozen fernlings crept over his cheek and chin, down his neck, and slowly absorbed through his now flushed skin, and he shivered. Without even thinking about it, he reached for her, but she was already walking away to catch up with her sisters.

When she got to the end of the aisle, she shot him a cheeky grin over her shoulder and had the nerve to wink at him. “Stay cool, Brick.”

Red in the face and high on her, Brick just stood there like an idiot gawking at his kind of unofficial girlfriend and the singular dominating object of his fantasies, be they sexual or otherwise. What was dignity when she smiled at him like that? What was a paltry imitation in a bottle when she kissed him like that?

The paltry imitation fell from its hole in the ceiling and exploded on the tiled floor at Brick’s feet with a winter ferocity that, in that moment at least, rivaled Blossom’s in the heat of battle.

When Brick got home later that morning and Boomer asked him why he smelled like a snowman’s asshole, Brick burned the clothes on his back and spent the next half hour in the shower thinking about how he was going to convince Blossom to make the first move and finally make them official.

xxx

Y’all better appreciate the research that went into this fic. That Axe quiz is real and I took it pretending to be Brick, and it literally does spit out a photo of a dude wearing a clown nose in a club. If that’s not a sign from the Daddy that I’ve chosen the righteous path, then idk what is. Sacrifices to my Chrome search history were made for this fic in the name of celebrating Carrie, ergo, worth it.

[gunkyengines]

4, 7, and 9, for the s/i questions if you're still taking them!

Ohhhh my gods @jetsetspy I’m so sorry for answering this question so late ;-; My answers are under the cut!

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

Bellamy doesn’t have much of a backstory just yet, but I do know this:

·         Their family isn’t a huge part of their life, aside from a younger sibling, who, to this day, I have not yet named.

·         They want a sense of belonging somewhere, and have a number of self-image complications (it’s not really a set of “issues” to them, because they’ve found comfort in their body and self over time, but they still have wishes about what they could be seen as—androgyny is a tough line to straddle).

·         They hate the nickname “Bella”.

·         Bells, as far as I’m concerned right now, finds their sense of belonging amongst the ‘Bros ever since they just sorta started… tagging along, I guess? It was just an act of good will from the prince and his guards and a bit of hitchhiking on Bells’ end that got them where they are now.

·         They were originally a bit of a vagabond prior to meeting up with the guys. Hitchhiking, walking absurdly long distances, camping out often, all that jazz.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

Junko is a character who I largely based off of my late-high school self for both self insertion and coping reasons, but a few things do set her apart from me. As in, she’s a pretty close approximation, but by no means is she a direct, direct copy of me.

She’s a student at Kosei Academy, simply due to the fact that I read on the wiki that it’s speculated to be a catholic school (I was brought up in the catholic education system, so, I could find some accuracy and likeness in that), and attended meetings at both the drama and art club there. She has bitter memories of the two clubs, as she was betrayed by the one major figure in both: her childhood friend Hideo Sunjaya. Since then, she’s taken to expressing her creative outlets in circles outside of her student life, and finds her passion in writing. At the time of Persona 5 canon, she’s set on becoming an editor. In the future canon, she does in fact achieve this goal. In this way Junko’s less of a model of who I was, and instead she’s what I hope to be.

She comes from a somewhat broken home, but has a strong relationship with her mother. Despite her current disconnect, Junko feels that she owes it to her parents that she has such a good understanding of her own identity, as they were supportive when she first came out as sapphic, and continued their support when she decided to be GNC and soon after came into her identity as a demigirl.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

Lizzie is a pretty lighthearted simulacrum of a more feminine version of me, translated loosely into the scope of the year 1899. I’m by no means a historian, but here’s Lizzie’s life.

Elizabeth Beaufort is a born and raised resident of the town of Valentine. Her mother is whatever the RDR2 universe’s equivalent of Quebecois French is, having moved to Saint Denis due to a family matter down there, and subsequently met her father. A Valentine resident himself, he beguiled her mother and convinced her to move to Valentine and live as the wife of a livestock owner (he comes from some blue blood ‘round those parts—as mentioned by the VDL in Chapter 2, the town is a goldmine of trade).

As a lady of relative privilege, life was… well, it was what a privileged life is. Sheltered, simple, and for the most part pretty damned easy. However, her naivete wasn’t something that her mother would stand to see Elizabeth keep, as she wanted a strong daughter who wouldn’t simply bend to the hand of tradition. Would I say that Lizzie would’ve most certainly rallied with those girls in Rhodes? YES. I’d rather die than portray any iteration of myself as complacent rather than progressive lmao. Elizabeth Beaufort flows in the vein of RDR2’s… I guess, progressive* writing? More** on that below, I guess???

*I don’t actually know how well it was received by everyone else, and honestly, I’m not even gonna try to speak on anyone else’s behalf but my own—I found that RDR2, despite some shortcomings, made itself a relatively hospitable environment for me as a white queer.

** Lizzie does struggle a lot with her internalized homophobia? Like… she had a lot of difficulty when she was younger coming to terms with the fact that she’s bisexual. This is less prevalent in her backstory considering it only ever surfaces post-canon. Yes, my SI and her FO came out to each other at random after being married to him for approximately 3 months. And it went fuckin’ great cos guess what!! Theyre both bi!! WLW/MLM solidarity!!! Don’t @ me.

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley was brought up amongst a gang of outlaws, and her being born a woman changed nothing about the things she was taught by said gunslingers. She left the group she once called family because of the leadership turning sour. From that point forward she went it alone, shifting in and out of her identity as Gilley Wright and her masculine persona (a pseudonym-turned-identity) Giles Kingsley, to keep herself straddling notoriety and anonymity.

·         Gilley only started wearing her hair short because of an encounter in which her longer hair was used as a means to pull her back into harm’s way. She lopped it off shortly after out of the feeling that it was a necessity, but soon found that she preferred it that way.

·         Thaddeus, her large draft horse, once pulled carts. She took him during a robbery so that she’d have an adequate mount for her getaway. The connection was instant between them.

Taeko Atou – Tokyo Ghoul OC

Taeko went by another name before her time in the 20th ward. She had another face, another life. But that was a self she had to leave far, far behind. Before “Taeko”, she was a reckless twentysomething ghoul living off of her father’s money, basking in the upper echelons of society, indulging in Scrapper shows and seeing humanity as nothing but an unprepared buffet. The danger ranking on her CCG profile demonstrated as much.

One night, however, her cushy life changed drastically. She went out drinking after a Scrapper show with one of her friends and decided to go hunting with her. Things were as usual, they stayed in their territory, but ended up getting apprehended by a group of Doves. During the getaway, her and her friend were separated, and she had no way of knowing whether her friend was alive. Drunk, desperate, and rather terrified, she decided to abandon all else and ripped her mask off to taunt the officers. They deserved to see her face, covered in gore and as ghoulish as they came! Nothing mattered to her at that point and she wanted to give them a scare…!

That is, until the next morning, when she recovered from her hangover and realized what she’d done. One of those Doves got a picture of her. In a panic, she called her father to ask for some sort of mercy money to clear the issue up. He’s frustrated with her constantly getting into increasingly worse trouble and tells her this: he’s going to pay for her to completely change her identity and her face so that she can move elsewhere, completely out of the way of harm. After that, he’d be cutting her off, leaving her with only the savings that she had prior to the cut-off. No more handouts.

This is when she became Taeko Atou, a pseudonym based off of her Scrapper show guest alias, “Miss AT”, and moved to the 20th ward. She has to adjust to average life a la Schitt’s Creek or Arrested Development.

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Bells LOVES anything that’ll make them look cute and androgynous. They’re super partial to a femme prince aesthetic. Blouses and linens and vests and suspenders and a bunch of that cute shit. (Yes, this is my preferred fashion style and I wish I could look like that all the time.) They’re also into stuff like your average sundresses and such when it’s too hot for “princey” attire because hell yeah.

·         They’d hate to wear… hm… short party dresses? Cocktail dresses n shit. (No shade to those tho theyre cute. Just not Bellamy’s style.)

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Junko’s super masc and butch in her presentation, binds her chest, does the simple graphic tee + jeans thing a lot. Think “Kanji Tatsumi but a lesbian”.

·         She lowkey doesn’t like wearing overly feminine clothes, like, she does not vibe with dresses.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Lizzie is pretty standard when it comes to clothes: blouses and skirts, dresses, all just… really basic stuff. She likes simple and solid colours, maybe simple patterns. She’s also like… very cottagecore. Probably likes overalls if she ever wears ‘em?? I’m not a frickin’ historian and I’m not gonna google early 1900s clothes styles at this hour don’t @ me.

·         This is literally just because I’m basic as all fuck and I like a skirt/blouse or sundress style outfit. I don’t wear it often but that’s my jazz y’know?

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley’s another one of my more boyish characters. She doesn’t deliberately go out of her way to look like a man unless she’s under the guise of her male persona Giles Kingsley. But let me tell you—she goes all out for those occasions, even electing to simulate stubble on her face with cosmetics. Think “cowboy drag king” and you’ll hit the mark.

·         Other than that, she just wears whatever’s convenient and comfortable.

 9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?

As dumb as this sounds I completely burnt out after writing only 2 self insert likes/interests profiles, forgive me lol.

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Favourite Food: Bells is indecisive, but they will gladly eat anything Ignis puts in front of them. They’re thoroughly convinced he uses magic in his cooking. (They’re only half joking about that—it’s so good!) If they were made to decide a top three, it’d likely be Garden Curry, Broiled King on a Stick, and Moogle Mousse with Kupoberry Sauce. Honorable mention being Gyashi Chips (yes, they like what’s effectively Eosian kale chips).

·         Favourite Colours: ANYTHING PASTEL will win Bellamy over, along with any colour considered light and airy. White, silver, pale green, soft gold, baby blue, lavender, and also whatever the sky has going on at any given time of the day—they’re an aesthetic little shit.

·         Favourite Activities: Travelling, leisure shopping when funds allow it (if given the means, Bellamy will 100% engage in excessive retail therapy, no joke), swimming, loving their friends, talking about books and music, gardening, and (I know this sounds vain but bear with me) preening. Yes, they’d be a vlogger in another life. Don’t @ me

·         Bells loves to talk in excess about what they like, and on occasion, when words fail, they tend to express it through squealing, jumping, etc. If someone points out how passionate Bells is about these things, they’ll end up flustered and ask the person if they could continue. I guess you could say Bellamy stims? I’m not diagnosed with anything, so take this with a grain of salt, but I do have stimming habits.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Favourite Food: Junko’s pretty partial to miso soup. It’s one of her weaknesses. Total comfort food. (Bro I fuckin’ love miso soup.) As well as baked goods like cupcakes.

·         Favourite Colours: Red, black, silver, pink, blue, purple.

·         Favourite Activities: drawing (sketches, scribbles, doodles, colouring, etc., singing, baking/cooking, writing, and she learned to love gardening after getting close to Haru.

·         Junko tends to show her happiness through verbal and artistic expression, she’s also the type that tends to crack jokes (mostly shitty puns followed up by finger guns).

Again, thank you so much for asking, thank you so much for asking! QwQ Asks are still open, everyone.

[redthreadoffate]

(infinity) days of snow // c. 2 [tom hansen]

a repost, originally posted in my former writing blog

ship: tom hansen x oc

warnings: swearing; edited thrice in a span of…a few minutes so mistakes may be present

notes: i really enjoyed writing this before, super fun

summary: after summer is autumn, .after autumn comes winter. and during winter, there is snow.

(856)

During one of their coffee breaks, Tom notices that she isn’t as lively as usual. “Ava, what’s wrong?” he asks. “Are you having a bad day?”

She shakes her head and takes a sip from her tea, which he should’ve known was the first sign. She only has tea when she’s stressed. “No, it’s just that…my old friend is coming back tonight and we kinda left things in awkward terms.”

“Oh,” is all he says. “What happened?”

“Um…we were close, questions were asked—the question was asked and…um…I declined the offer.” She shrugs. “We never really had much contact after that…because I’m not sure of how it’ll work out so I’m really nervous.”

“It’ll work out,” he encourages. He shouldn’t have. He really shouldn’t have. Because once they’re back in the office, once Tom steps out of the elevator, whispers and chatters could be heard all around him. He asks Butch what’s happening. “Is something wrong?”

“Zachary Williams is coming back, Tom. And we all know what that means,” he smiles, “wedding of the century!”

“What wedding?” he asks. There’s a small smile on his face; he’s never been fond of weddings but he has imagined himself as a groom in more than one occasion.

There are cheers and claps coming from near the door. There’s a sharp-dressed man with dark hair and blue eyes. Handsome. People are shouting “welcome back” to him. The man smiles sheepishly as he acknowledges the ones around him. With careful and confident strides, he stops in front of Tom’s desk.

“Are you Tom Hansen?”

“Uh…yeah. Can I help you?”

“I’m Zack Williams. I heard you’re close to Snow.” There’s a pause and Tom can figure out why. “She isn’t in her office upstairs. Her dad didn’t notice her slip away and her secretary won’t give me proper answers. Would you happen to know where she is?”

Tom shakes his head. She hasn’t IM-ed or texted him. “I’m sorry, no.”

“Oh, I see. I also heard you two have dinner together almost every night,” the man says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, “do you mind if you bring her to Sundae’s Best tonight? The restaurant near the theatres in—”

“Yeah, I know where that is,” Tom cuts him off gently, “and sure, I’ll bring her.”

“Thanks,” Zack smiles, “thanks a lot, Tom.”

“He introduced himself as Zack to you, Tom,” Sasha says as she fans herself with her hand, “that’s big. He must really want you to bring Miss Lanché to Sundae’s Best. He introduces himself as Zachary to everyone who isn’t in the same status.” Butch jokes that Zack could have him murdered if he doesn’t bring Snow to Sundae’s Best. He doesn’t want to take the chance. Zack Williams really looks like someone who could do that.

When he meets up with Snow for dinner, he suggests that they go to Sundae’s Best. She tells him that he doesn’t like the place because it’s too expensive. “Did Zack put you up to this?” she asks.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he murmurs.

“If it was him, you have to tell me, Tom,” she demands, “I don’t know how to answer him yet. I can’t…Tom! Is it Zack?”

“Yes,” he answers, finally, “but you can’t back out now.” They’ve stopped right in front of the store and Zack waves at them from behind the glass door. “What did he ask you, Ava?” She doesn’t answer, instead she takes a deep breath and enters the building. Tom follows and he’s surprised to see some of his co-workers but he sits on one of the stools beside Butch. “What’s happening?”

Sasha appears and begins to squeal. “Oh my god, it’s happening! It’s happening! We’re getting an answer!”

“Who is Zack Williams anyway?” Tom asks.

“Zachary Williams, is only only the heir to the Williams fortune! They own the Kipping Bank!” Sasha replies.

“So I’m no match for him,” he mumbles dully.

Butch turns to him. “You like Miss Lanché?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Tom,” Sasha says in a whisper, rubbing Tom’s shoulder sympathetically. “I…I…well, for what it’s worth,” she begins to bite her lip, “I’ve always thought that Miss Lanché had a thing for you. I think she rather fancies you more than she ever fancied Mr. Williams.”

“That doesn’t boost up my spirit at all, Sasha. And awhile ago you were cheering for him,” Tom reminds her sourly. “Or are you sorry for that, too?”

She frowns. “I was just…they were the power couple, Tom. They’re meant to be together.”

“Save it, Sasha,” Butch snaps, handing Tom a beer. “Drink. It might help.”

Tom rolls his eyes but takes down a huge gulp, not minding the burn that goes down his throat as the liquid passes by.

“Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I’d just like to make a little speech for the most beautiful woman in here.”

It’s Zack and Tom can’t look away from the scene playing in front of him. Snow is standing awkwardly in the middles of the room, facing him, with Zack beside her and looking at her like she’s the best the best thing in the world. And for Tom, he can’t blame Zack because she probably is the best thing in the world.

“Snow, three years ago I asked for your hand in marriage. You didn’t accept because you said you that you needed time. I was heartbroken. But I respected your decision and gave you the space you wanted. So I went ahead to Europe despite being so angry at myself because I haven’t won you over and I just kept wishing that I had you waiting for me here as my future wife. I hope the time we spent apart from each other was enough for you to think…and ask you again. I love you, Snow. I have never stopped loving you. I would think about you every day. You’re amazing. Simply amazing. I’m not telling everyone here our story for sympathy, but I wanted them to hear our journey.” He gets down on one knee, reveals a black velvet box from his vest and asks, “Will you marry me?”

Snow doesn’t reply at first. She looks around her and then, their eyes connect. Her eyes are pleading but Tom doesn’t falter. Looking down at the man, she says, “Yes.”

*~*

(857)

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks her.

Snow had the decency to visit him in his apartment the next day, and he’s not sure whether to be happy or not. He had wanted to talk to her since last night but never had the guts to call her, and he’s also…hurt. It’s like his ex-girlfriends (and not so ex-girlfriend) all over again. Except he and Snow never had a romantic or sexual relationship.

“I didn’t think it was important.”

His voice rises, “I’m your…” and then stops himself, “your best friend. You could have told me you had a boyfriend who’s out of the country.”

“He isn’t my boyfriend,” she corrects.

“Right, he’s your fiancé now.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yes, he was my boyfriend but we took a break when he asked me to marry him because I didn’t feel the connection. I thought that there was someone out there for me. I love Zack, I really do, but not in the same way as…not the same way I love you, Tom.”

“You picked him last night.”

“Because you said you don’t feel the same way!” she snaps. “Why are you so mad? He was also my best friend before but it changed when he left. There was awkwardness and no sense of closure. He asked me to marry him three years ago and I declined.”

“If you knew he was coming back then you should have never told me that you loved me.”

“But I did and I still do! I thought you felt the same way, that’s why I told you. When you told me that you didn’t feel the same way, I didn’t want to tell you about him right away because I didn’t want you to think that you might have just been a scapegoat! And then it just slipped my mind, but I found out that he was coming home earlier than expected and I just panicked.”

“Well I love you!” Tom shouts.

She stands still. “What?”

“I love you,” he repeats. “I love you, Ava! And yes, I admit, this whole argument is my fault, I should have told you sooner that I love you. I fucking love you, Ava! And now that you have…that,” he eyes her engagement ring, “and him….”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

*~*

(745)

“I think I love her,” Tom says to his sister. They’re in the diner and he’s telling her all about Snow. Rachel seems happy for him and she urges him to tell her. “Do you think it’s too late, though?”

“She’s still with you, isn’t she?” Rachel confirms. “She hasn’t told you about some boy she’s seeing, right?”

He searches the back of his mind for an answer. “You’re right. I’ll tell her.”

*~*

(747)

He’s being blocked by a stack of boxes inside the elevator. The men pushing the cart had apologized but the people inside were squeezed like tuna in a can. That’s when he overhears some gossiping workers.

“Miss Lanché is hanging out with that architect a lot.”

“The cute one?”

“Tom, I think is his name. I think they make a cute couple, don’t you think?”

He feels himself smile at that.

“But she can do so much better,” the same person continues.

He frowns.

“I agree. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s the heiress to this company and she’s rich. She can have any man she wants and she’s going to get it with someone who’s not even in the highest position in the architecture department?”

“But I heard that Mr. Lanché is close to Tom. Surely he doesn’t want his precious daughter to marry someone of…lesser status, right?”

The elevator dings and the doors open. He hears their voices begin to soften and he deducts that they’ve gotten off. Their words continue to ring in his ears and infiltrate his mind.

That night, he calls Rachel and tells her what happened. “They said that!? Those bitches.”

*~*

(903)

Their relationship was never the same. They constantly tried to avoid each other. Once, he was on a blind date with a woman. It wasn’t a disaster until the very end; he called the wrong name in bed. He even said ‘Snow’. This caused the woman to make him leave right away. Talking to Paul and McKenzie didn’t help either. Rachel was helpful but she wasn’t always present.

Just a week ago, the newspapers, tabloids and especially magazines, have been posting pictures of the newly engaged couple. Many journalists have tried setting up interviews, but with Snow living a private life and Zack busy, all were turned down. Tom hates seeing headlines and pictures of them together.

Tonight is the annual winter ball and Tom had tried his hardest to look his best. He wanted to impress people, to show them that he can just be as good looking as Zachary Williams. Last year, Mr. Lanché had informed them that his daughter wouldn’t be able to make it due to her illness; now that he thinks about, Tom hopes that she wasn’t too sick.

When he reaches the hotel, cameras are flashing around. Last year, he had Butch and Sasha walk the red carpet with him. This year, he knows how to handle it and he swiftly gets inside the building. In the ballroom of a lavish hotel, Tom sticks mostly to Butch and Sasha.

“Do you know when they’ll be arriving?” he asks.

“Miss Lanché always makes an entrance, her gowns are to die for,” Sasha fawns. “I wonder what she’ll wear tonight.”

After about half an hour, the doors open, Sasha squeals, and in comes Mr. Lanché in a custom suit, with a tie that that matches his wife’s blue dress. Zack is also with them, and his tie is silk silver. And then there’s Snow. Her dress is silver with beautiful, elegant patterns all over it. There’s even a snowflake that hides her cleavage. At first glance, it looks like a skimpy, narrow, off-the shoulder dress that reaches the floor. But upon closer inspection, Tom sees that the skin that is revealed at the topmost of her body is being covered by sheer material. Her hair is down, with ringlets around her shoulder, and her make-up is not at all exaggerated.

“Are you going to just stare at her,” Butch starts, “or are you actually going to go talk to her?”

Tom does manage to talk to her. It’s already eleven when he gets the chance, though. All she did so far was socialize with the elite and talk and dance with Zack. He spotted her leaving the room and heading to the restroom. “Ava!” he calls out when they’re alone.

She turns around. “Tom.”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Sure,” she says, “what’s up?”

“Um…first, you look very beautiful tonight.”

She smiles. “Thank you, Tom. You look very handsome yourself.”

Taking a deep breath, he says. “And…I don’t want you to marry Zack.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“I love you, Ava. And…I can tell that you don’t love Zack.”

“I loved him before, Tom,” she says, folding her arms in front of her, “I can love him again just as much, maybe even more. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to check my appearance.” As she starts to walk away, he can’t help but tell her one more time about how beautiful she looks. “Thank you.”

*~*

(1385)

The day of the wedding.

He had planned on not going, to spare himself, but Butch and Sasha had made him go. Paul and McKenzie thought it was a bad choice until they thought of an idea. It would be embarrassing from the beginning, probably be the laughing stock if it failed, but hey, if it works, then it’ll be all worth it.

Even if it’s the most beautiful wedding he’s ever gone to, even if it took months for this to happen, and Snow’s dress is as beautiful as she is, and maybe the cameras around the church would make things more nerve-wracking, he didn’t want to back out.

So as the priest says the words that he’s been waiting for, Tom jumps up from his seat, pretending that the wedding is a disaster and that the cameras all over the place would not face him and dare put his name in the headlines next to the wedding of the century’s or that Zack and his family could probably declare him missing in a day, and exclaims, “I object!”

Gasps could be heard all around. Snow and Zack turn to look at him with wide eyes. Snow begins to shake her head, wanting to save him from embarrassment, most likely.

“I’m not rich, I’m not the heir to some company and I may not be as good looking as the groom,” he starts, swallowing down his pride, “but I work hard, I’m educated and I love you, Ava. I should have told you sooner, I know I should have and we could have saved ourselves from this, but I was terrified. I didn’t…I didn’t want to be turned down because I wasn’t worthy of you. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re the heir to one of the world’s biggest companies even when you want to be a teacher.” He smiles when he sees her smiling. “In society’s eyes I’m not worthy of you, but I can prove to you that I am. I can and I will.”

She smiles wider. He grins. It doesn’t even take her a second to decide as she quickly turns back to the man in front of her. “Zack—”

“Save it,” he stops her, “let’s not go through the drama. I should have known something was up when you hesitated to answer my proposal.”

“Zack, I’m so sorry.”

He shrugs and kisses the top of her forehead. “This doesn’t mean that I’m burning and drowning at the same time inside.”

She frowns as he casually steps down and moves pass everyone. His parents run after him but not before they give evil eyes at the bride. Cameras flash and murmurs can be heard. She lowers her eyes for a moment before walking down as well. She stops in front of her parents and gives them a pleading look.

Mr. Lanché smiles at her. “Just because I’m your father and I own a company doesn’t mean that I’ll stop you.”

“He must be really worthy if he had the courage to stop a wedding that’s being watched by millions,” Mrs. Lanché adds.

Snow hugs them both before running to Tom who had been waiting for her in the aisle. She jumps and he catches her effortlessly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he responds. “It would’ve been easier if you broke off the engagement,” he jokes.

“And give you an easy time? I don’t think so,” she says. She smiles and kisses him.

*~*

(2480)

Three years of dating all leads to this.

It’s snowing outside and Snow had thought of building a snowman, just for fun. They’re now on the body, with Tom handing out buttons that had fallen off shirts for Snow to press on their masterpiece. “There’s one more,” he says.

“We don’t need more,” she argues and then looks at the man, “do we?”

“He needs a heart,” Tom continues and hands the item in his hand to her.

“If you say so,” Snow says smiling and begins to put the round item on the man made of snow. But as she does, she looks at it first and then gasps. “This isn’t a button, Tom.”

He shakes his head and gets down on one knee. “Ever since you came into my life, everything’s changed. You’re my good luck charm, if you didn’t notice. And I tried my best to show you how worthy I am to be yours and for you to be mine. Now that my position in your family’s company is more secure,” he had just been promoted to president of the architecture division, “and I finally realized why all my past relationships didn’t work, and why winter is my favorite season,” he kisses the back of her hand, “it’s because of you. You know I love you. I love you so much. And I would love to come home and call for my wife.”

“We work in the same place and get off at the same time.” She giggles.

He smiles. “Then I get to say, 'I get to go home with my wife’ every day. And I think we’re ready to have Casey and Spencer, too, don’t you think? I know I’m ready to teach Casey all my tricks and spoil my princess Spencer.”

She laughs. “Does that mean I’m the less-fun parent?”

“We can be both.” He chuckles. “So what do you say? Will you marry me, Snow?”

She grins. “Yes, Tom. I will marry you.”

Despite his bad luck with…life, in general, Tom finally did get a happy ending.

*~*

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