#some are plausible if not heart wrenching so there's that

[winterchimez]

A New Beginning With You | Lee Juyeon

SUMMARY: it has been a couple of years since you and your childhood best friend, Juyeon, went on your separate ways. Years later, you were given the opportunity to return to Seoul to pursue a new career, only to find out that your new employer is the one you have been dreading to see. Will you toss away all of the emotions again, or will you finally come to terms and fix this broken relationship with him?

PAIRING: ceo!Juyeon x f!reader

GENRE: office au, ex-childhood friends to lovers, coming of age, angst, fluff

WARNINGS: nc-17, slow-burn, this is pretty angsty ngl 😭, betrayal, several heart wrenching moments (it takes a while for both Juyeon and reader to figure out their emotions), language (one curse word), miscommunication, alcohol consumption, reader gets drunk a couple of times, several heated arguments, petnames (princess, sweetheart), kissing

WORD COUNT: 15,466

A/N: here is my submission for deoboyznet's holiday exchange event!! boo @cloverdaisies i'm your secret santa 🎅👀 ngl i did struggle with the prompts that you gave mainly cs i don't usually read/watch coming of age works so i hope i did this fic justice 🥹🥹🥹 big big shoutout to @momhwa-agenda for choosing the banner, also helping me to beta read (along with @from-izzy @juyeonszn) sending my unending kisses and hugs to all of you 😘💕

Seven years ago 

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” 

It all just felt so sudden, and you weren’t sure if you were hallucinating as you heard those words that came out from the mouth of your best friend for the past seventeen years. You both have made a promise to one another since you both were in kindergarten that no matter how big or small the situation may be, you both will always have each other’s backs and that no secrets were to be kept from one another, even if they may feel like you have been punched right into the face during the aftermath of it all. 

Or that was what you thought. 

“Y/N…I had no control over anything…you do know how my father often has to travel across the globe for his job—”

“But that doesn’t change the fact that you decided to keep it a secret from me when you first discovered that you were potentially going to follow your father’s footsteps for his company.” 

From the beginning, you knew that Juyeon’s father worked at a relatively elite corporate company. Because of his status, he was often sent away to various countries to fulfill his job. It has been decades since his father has been in and out of Seoul, and he would often travel on his own not wanting to bother his family and wanting them to have a peaceful life here. 

Never in a million years would you have thought that he would bring his entire family along with him as he starts a new chapter in his life in the States, and also get Juyeon to follow in his father’s footsteps. 

You were on the verge of crying, your cheeks were heating up, and you had unintentionally balled up your fists, clearly failing terribly to suppress the anger and betrayal you felt. 

“I just don’t get it, Juyeon. You have always wanted to pursue basketball. Hell, you have even sought a sports scholarship to get into one of the prestigious universities in Seoul! Why are you giving up now?” You huffed. 

You could tell that he was showing some reluctance in his answer, and truthfully, he didn’t really know how to give you an answer, either. But he decided to reply in the most plausible and fitting one that was right for the current situation you both were in. 

“Family has to always come first, Y/N. If it were for my family's future, especially my stay-at-home mother and younger brother, I would do anything to ensure my father and I can provide for them.” 

You scoffed. “Bullshit.” 

You took a few steps forward until you were merely inches apart. Looking straight into Juyeon’s eyes, you could tell he felt the same way and was also trying to hold back his tears. 

“You’re not the Juyeon I know. My Juyeon, who has been right by my side ever since we were kids, would always go above and beyond to work for what he truly wants. He is never afraid to voice his opinion, and he would do anything to ensure his happiness would be fulfilled no matter the consequences.” 

Finally, the tears that you have held back for so long began dripping down your face as you began to hit him simultaneously on his chest.  

“What exactly happened to you, Juyeon?”

At the same time, tears clouded his vision as a single teardrop dripped onto his face. You could tell that something was holding him back from telling you the truth, if any, and his following answer would break you down even more.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

With that, a black car pulls up at the school entrance, revealing his younger brother rolling down the window to call out for his big brother. You could see multiple pieces of luggage lined up at the back trunk of the car, and they were ready to head straight to the airport. 

With a glance back to signal to his family that he would be coming shortly, he turned to you to apologise once more before gently pushing you away to leave.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I wish you all the best in your future as you enter university and eventually the workforce.” 

Just like that, Juyeon quickly sped down the stairs and opened the door to the car before settling in. Within seconds, his parents, sitting in the front seats, gave you a little wave before they drove away right through the exit. 

Almost instantly, all of the built-up tension was suddenly released from you all at once, and you finally broke down crying at the entrance of your high school. What you thought would be a memorable, happy graduation for you both as you parted ways with your youth years turned out to be one sad separation from your best friend. 

You both planned your summer holidays with one another before officially enrolling in university in the autumn. You were going to head to Busan for a five-day trip during the first month, going to visit your aunt who lived on the outskirts of Seoul to help her in her fieldwork (especially when she has a soft spot for Juyeon), and even going to visit all of the bazaars that were going to be held in central Seoul. 

There were so many potential activities and times you could have had with one another, and you were even planning to propose to Juyeon that you wanted to be more than just childhood friends. 

Because you have been having an insane crush on him since you were kids, and you realised it was love by the time you both entered high school.

Unfortunately, it was too late to confess your love to him, as he was now long gone, heading straight to the airport before he eventually said his final goodbye to his home for the past seventeen years, Seoul. 

Maybe it was fate that you both were just not meant to be with one another; perhaps it was why his father had no choice but to bring his whole family with him to start a new life in the States. 

For the first time, you cursed and blamed yourself for having such hope and planning a potential future with someone who was clearly out of your league, and you thought it had all been a waste of time since the beginning. 

With that, the little needle-felted cat you have been hiding and made last night was released from your grips as he fell towards the stairs and eventually towards the ground. As you noticed, more tears kept welling up in your eyes, and you brought both hands to cover your face, not wanting to care about anything right now. 

I shouldn’t have had so much hope. I was stupid enough actually to fall in love with you, Juyeon.

Present Day 

“Oh, Y/N! Looks like your article just got published in the London Mail this morning!” 

Your co-worker gave you a little pat on the back before he placed the newspapers right onto your desk, and it was clear how your article was published right on the front page with your name written very obviously at the right corner. 

“Please, it was nothing. It’s what I do all the time,” you replied bluntly. 

“What do you mean it was nothing? You just interviewed the rising actor of the month! That’s big news, and you deserve to celebrate it!" 

“Please, it really is nothing—” 

“Hey everyone, our department needs a little night out after work at the local pub! We’re toasting to Y/N’s big break in the news today!” 

Your co-worker shouted out loud, and eventually, cheers erupted in the office, everyone congratulating you and thinking about the potential drinks and songs they would go for once work is over. 

You smiled and chuckled at the sight. You have always loved your job and are grateful to have met such a fantastic group of people in this company. 

It wasn’t your dream to pursue the path of becoming a reporter in the beginning. Sure, you have always had a passion for writing, but you have always considered it your hobby. Thanks to your sister, who was studying abroad in Manchester then, who convinced you to take that leap of faith and turn that hobby into a potential job. 

So here you were, living the best of your life. You followed your sister’s footsteps and went on to live abroad in the UK, enrolling in the University of Manchester, where you successfully graduated with honours the past year. Thankfully, you secured a place in the London Mail right after graduation due to your outstanding grades. 

The move from Manchester to London was a bit tough, but you initially managed to pull through with your sister and her boyfriend's help. They were kind enough to help you settle down and stayed with you for the first couple weeks before returning to Manchester. You miss your sister’s presence, but you know that eventually, you had to venture out on your own and face reality as an adult. 

It has been a year, and you have adapted to living alone. Often, things would get tough, but it was also thanks to you having such a fantastic team of colleagues that you were able to pull through it all, even when there were times you had to work overtime to fulfill all of the datelines that were pilling up nonstop, especially during the holiday seasons. 

It wasn’t until recently that your article was accepted and published on the main cover page of the news, and that was when you finally earned your big break after a year. The company has deemed you to be one of the most talented youngsters they have had over the past decade, and they were more than happy to have had you as their employee. 

Since then, things have settled down for you as you got a pay rise and had fewer hours to give you more time to rest well, mainly when you only survived with four to five hours of sleep daily. Now, you can eat your breakfast correctly and get a good seven to eight hours of sleep before coming every day. 

Just as your co-workers were having the time of their lives trying to figure out the plans for tonight after work, your office desk telephone rang, and you picked it up hastily, thinking that you’d have another big scoop to write about

But it was from the CEO. 

“Miss Y/N, please report to my office immediately.”

You were back home after that fun night out at your local pub with your co-workers, holding a beer in hand as you FaceTime your sister over the phone. 

“Well, it’s a good opportunity for you, don’t you think, Y/N?” 

“I’m not too sure about all of this, sis. Like yeah, it would be great that I would be back home, but still—”

“Hey, I know mom would be ecstatic to have you back in Seoul with her. And it just so happened that you have been telling me how you recently began feeling a little homesick. I’d say it would be great for you to take up the offer.” She reassured. 

It was the moment your mouth fell open wide when you heard that you had been offered to be a senior reporter for one of Seoul’s top magazines at the moment, GQ Korea, where you would be interviewing potentially all of the current well-known celebrities in the country and getting a higher pay as well. 

It seems that they have come across your contributions from the London Mail, and they were keen to have you on their team. Your first thought was grateful as your works were recognised globally, but also because you miss being home. But another part of you has already settled in the UK, so you weren’t sure if leaving now would be the right choice. 

But now that your sister has given you some input, that was when you knew that it wouldn’t hurt to try it out, at the very least. 

With one final sip of your beer, you leaned forward and gave your sister a smile for the first time since calling her this evening. 

“I’m going home now, sis.”

It has been a week since you settled into Seoul, and you have loved being back in your comfort zone: the culture, the food, and the environment you grew up in. 

Your mom was overjoyed as she picked you up from the airport, insisting she would take your luggage, especially when you have flown almost twenty-four hours just to get home. By the time you got home, your mom was already ready and prepared with all the dishes she had premade before your arrival and needed to heat them quickly. 

You quickly took a shower before joining her at the dining table. You both chatted for close to midnight before she told you she would sleep ahead of you. Meanwhile, you decided to clean up your childhood bedroom to make space for everything you brought back from London. 

There was this nostalgia as you entered your room; everything was still the same, exactly how you had left it when you left for the UK years ago. The same old blue painting on the wall, all your posters hung on them, even your favourite comic books that were still arranged nicely on your bookshelf. 

You could tell there wasn’t a speck of dust in the room, indicating that your mom must have cleaned it occasionally. You couldn’t help but sigh, thinking about all the hard work she always puts herself through. 

It took you a while to go through all your belongings, mainly because you were reminiscing as you looked at the pictures, books, and figurines scattered throughout your room.

It wasn’t until you came across a box tucked away at the corners of your room that you pulled them out towards the centre as you opened them up. 

And god, you wished you hadn’t done that. 

All the pictures and items contained memories you had with your past lover, Lee Juyeon. 

You paused momentarily before reaching out to pick up the first item on top of the box: a picture. 

It was taken when you both were in kindergarten. You were holding hands, wearing backpacks and little yellow helmets on your heads. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight; it was nostalgic and cute. 

Right after that, you took out a pair of bracelets right below the picture. It was a friendship bracelet that you both made during middle school. It was summer when you recently discovered the trend of making friendship bracelets, where you went straight to Juyeon’s house across the street, practically dragged him back to your house, and got him to make one with you. You giggled at the thought of how Juyeon was so lost at the time, having to come to you almost every five seconds to tell you that he had either lost a piece or was having trouble threading the beads through the string. 

When you thought it would all be good memories, you stumbled upon the one item you wished you would not have to see again.

The needle-felted cat you made for him on the night before graduation. 

Unbeknownst to you, your hands began to tremble as you took the cat into your hands, staring at it as the memories flashed back: how you would give this to Juyeon and tell him that you were ready to be more than just close friends, up to the point of how he suddenly announced to you that he was leaving for good. 

Slowly, you felt that your tears were beginning to well up in your eyes, and you quickly dumped all of the items back into the box and tucked them back in the corner, using a few items you had in your room, such as cardboard to block it completely out of sight. 

You were not ready to go through all of the roller coasters of emotion once again. 

Especially when deep down in your heart, you still had some feelings left for him. Even if you did not wish to admit it out loud.

You stood outside the tall building as you tried your best to fix up the blazer that your mum insisted you put on for your big day. With your handbag and laptop, you gave yourself a deep breath before mentally preparing yourself that this would be your new workplace from now on. 

You looked to see the vast sign plastered outside the building: GQ Korea. You were definitely at the right place. It took you a few seconds to finally be able to take your very first steps into the building. Once you did, you were amazed at the astonishing art that filled the reception floor. It was a fashion and art magazine; after all, there was no doubt that the company's directors entailed such a choice of decorations to captivate everyone who walked into their building. 

You walked straight towards the counter, where you were greeted by two ladies who were already expecting your arrival. Immediately, they got you signed up in the system, and one guided you to one of the fifth floors, where you would be meeting your new team and department that you would be working with. 

As you were guided into the head of the department’s office, Ms Kim, who has been guiding and overlooking this particular department for the past five years, greeted you and made you feel comfortable instantly, which made all of your tensed-up muscles relax fairly quickly. She communicated well with you and, surprisingly, even shared some of the same ideals as you did. You were beyond grateful to hear when she mentioned that she has kept up with your works from the London Mail, and it was about time that the team needed someone like you. 

Once both of you had taken the time to break the ice, Ms Kim led you to your desk just outside her office, where countless cubicles filled the entire floor. At first glance, you have estimated that there were about fifty employees who worked in this department. It didn’t take them long to greet you personally before you eventually made your way to your desk in the middle of the floor. 

As you unloaded your bag of materials onto the desk and placed them in an organised manner, your hands digging through your bag finally stopped when you felt a familiar material. Instantly, you pulled it out to check what it was, and you were once again left speechless with what it was. 

A picture of you and Juyeon back during your graduation from high school.

The only plausible reason it was in your workbag was because of your mother. You have never once told her that things ended badly between you both, and you have always shrugged off the fact that you were still keeping in touch with the man himself and that you both were still having a healthy friendship. You just didn’t want her to worry much, especially when she knew how much you both have been through, and she practically treated Juyeon like her own son. 

As all loving mothers would do, she woke up hours ahead of you this morning to prepare you a filling bento box. She wrapped it with traditional cloth and placed it neatly into your work bag. At the same time, she probably put the little picture frame into the bag, hoping it would motivate you during work and decorate your new workplace. 

With just a few seconds of staring at it, you looked down to see an empty trash bin that sat right beneath your work desk, and without thinking much, you immediately placed the picture right into it. 

I’m sorry, mom. But I will not be needing it anymore.

Your first week of work flew by quickly as you easily got used to the working lifestyle. Seoul was your home, and it wasn’t hard to adapt back to the culture. In fact, you were grateful that your new group of co-workers could be on par with the ones back in London; they were all as great and supportive in helping you ease into the new environment. Your new co-workers even encouraged you to head out for a little drink at the local izakaya restaurant after work since it has been a long weekend for everyone, and you surely did enjoy the little company you had before heading home a little after midnight. 

In terms of fitting in as GQ Korea's new reporter, it has been a thrilling ride learning about all of the entertainment biz that has been going on in the country. Since your forte was with celebrities, your head of department had assigned you the same, focusing on the rising K-Pop stars in the industry. 

It has been a while since you kept up with Korean celebrities since you mainly focused on Western artists abroad for a couple of years. But as you kept up with the news and made sure to read the newspaper first thing every morning you came right in, you made sure that you have been kept up to date with all of the latest announcements and events that have been going on in the industry. 

Today was a big day for you as Ms Kim had instructed you to head up to the top floor, where you would first meet up with the CEO for the very first time since joining the company as he would like to brief you through the details in regards to the celebrities that will be coming later in the day.

You thought it was probably some hotshot celeb for the CEO to personally guide you through each step regarding what or how you should deal with them. However, you weren’t too mad since you figured they probably did things differently here in Seoul.

As you finally reached the top floor, you were then escorted by whom you assumed to be the CEO’s personal assistant, who was already expecting your arrival as they kindly let your head department know that she was free to leave. The walk down the hallway towards the CEO’s office seemed a little daunting to you for some reason; perhaps it was also because you were meeting someone who is considered to be one of the famous people in the heart of Seoul—there’s a reason why GQ Korea is always on the top-selling markets. 

As the assistant kindly knocked on the door and got a verbal cue from the other side, she took a step behind to let you move forward as you slowly turned the doorknob to enter the room. 

Immediately, you notice how the entire office is decorated extravagantly, filled with tons of high-end decorations that suit the taste of the CEO himself. The wide, clear windows dominated most of the room, offering a panoramic cityscape view. A curated selection of artwork filled the walls, which added a little personal touch to the working space. 

You didn’t realise that your mouth was wide open as you slowly took in the mesmerising view until you turned towards the desk, where the CEO was sitting on his chair with his back facing you, flipping through multiple documents in his hands. 

As you slowly made your way towards him, your little footsteps made the CEO’s ears perk up, causing the man to stand up and finally turn to face you in person for the first time. 

With that, your entire world seemed to pause for a moment. 

What exactly was going on? There was no way this young man could be the CEO, especially when you were certain that he had left Seoul years ago and sworn that his chances of returning to his homeland would be close to zero. Your laptop in hand was slowly beginning to slip off before you were brought back to reality and quickly caught it before it eventually hit the ground. 

That was when you finally muttered your first words since stepping into the CEO’s office. 

“J-Juyeon…?” 

It was pretty evident that the man himself was just as confused and shocked as you were; he practically stood there motionless, trying his best to make sense of the current situation.

“Y-Y/N? What are you doing here?” 

“I should be the one asking you that,” you replied. 

You were about to go haywire just from this interaction alone. It was hard enough for you to move on from what happened seven years ago, and it proved to be a lot harder than you thought when you came back a few weeks ago to see that all of the things that you’ve tried so hard to forget were now back in the comforts of your bedroom. 

Ever since then, you had promised yourself that you wouldn’t want anything to do with Juyeon anymore, and you have decided to shut your heart regarding anything related to the man himself. 

If only it were easier said than done. 

Juyeon finally took his first step away from his desk as he slowly approached you, extending his hand as if he was craving your touch again. You could tell that he was desperate for a little physical contact, perhaps to prove that you really stood in front of him. 

But you couldn’t, and you weren’t ready for any of that, so you backed off instead, giving him a clear signal that you weren’t on the same page as he was. 

There was this evident sadness in his eyes, and he tried his best to hold back his tears as his eyes began to water. 

“Y/N…I—”

“Miss L/N. You can address me that, Mr. Lee,” you bluntly replied before diverting your attention to the ground. 

It was when Juyeon finally got himself together and straightened his posture before clearing his throat. “Very well, Miss L/N. I’ll quickly brief you on the events happening today, with the group of celebrities arriving in a couple of hours soon. Please, have a seat.”

“I hate him, I really do!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as you took the pint of beer in your hands before slamming it down onto the table. Your sister had to restrain you from causing a scene at the bar, trying to settle you down and handing you a glass of water to chug down your system. 

Your sister had just recently came back to Seoul for a little vacation, and you immediately asked that she could keep you accompany down at the local izakaya restaurant that you often visited to let off some steam. 

“Karma is really on your side huh, Y/N,” your sister teased. 

“I-It’s not funny, sissy….” your voice began to slur, indicating that you were starting to get drunk at this point. “Why…of all people, why?! Why did it have to be him? As my boss! In my new workplace!” 

“Look, it can’t be that bad. Who knows, maybe you might get another chance again with him.” 

“That’s not the point, sissy….after what he has done to me? After all that I have done to try my best to move on from the past? This should not be happening to me at all!” Your voice broke as you began tearing up, causing your sister to pull you close into her embrace, slowly caressing your back to help soothe you a little. 

Your sister was well aware of your history with Juyeon, especially when you’ve spent weeks, which eventually that turned into months of crying out to her over the phone since she was already studying abroad then, she knew how much the whole situation wrecked you badly, to the point that it has taken you months to start going out and meeting people outside of university eventually. 

She was there when you were both younger, seeing how you developed a crush on him later and knowing you weren’t just childhood friends and had something way more than that. It was a shame that Juyeon left without telling you, and she would’ve gone to the airport to confront him about it if only she had been back in Seoul then. But deep down, she knew Juyeon as much as you did and knew that suddenly, something probably came up for him to leave the country like that. 

As a matter of fact, your sister had always wished and rooted for you both to become a couple eventually; she had always been a firm believer of childhood friends to lovers anyway, especially when that was how she ended up with her current fiancé. Now that you both have reunited in the most unexpected way, she believes her theory about you both eventually having a second chance was stronger than ever before. 

With that, she lifted her eyebrows as if she had just come up with a brilliant idea. “Say, little sis. What exactly are you up to at work tomorrow?” 

You sniffled. “Umm…I guess I have a meeting with Juyeon to discuss the upcoming fashion show that is due to be set in a couple of months. Why do you ask?” 

Your sister gave you a little smirk in return before cradling you like a baby again. “Oh, it was nothing. I’m sure you’ll have a fruitful discussion tomorrow.”

You dreaded coming to work today. The very first reason is that you woke up with a really bad hangover from last night, and you practically don’t remember much that has happened besides chugging down pints of beer from your system. It has been a while since you’ve drank this much, and most importantly, because you were upset over something. Otherwise, you were pretty much sober most of the time and always being the one to drag your co-workers home because they were far worse than you were. 

And, of course, it was also because you hated the idea that you must come face-to-face with your so-called ex-childhood best friend again—this time, in an actual meeting. Well, in some ways, you were glad that it was only a meeting for a potentially massive event that the company had been known to host for years and that Juyeon would probably be able to distinguish between personal and work-life issues. 

But still, you just weren’t ready to face him again, especially with the huge shock you’d received the day before. It was already hard enough for you to stay focused when Juyeon briefed you through your job scope and the meeting you would have for the day, trying your best not to let the tears drip down nor let the anger boil up. 

However, you had no choice since you must also stay professional at your work. You just got back to Korea, and there was no way you would chicken out and move everything back to the UK again. Well, potentially, you could, but it wouldn’t be an ethical move to make. 

So here you are, hugging your documents and laptop towards your chest, standing outside the meeting room. You had to take a few deep breaths before you could muster up the courage to turn the doorknob and enter the room. 

Once you did, you noticed how the entire room was filled up, with most of your co-workers in their designated seats, sorting through the documents they would use for the meeting. You immediately diverted your attention towards the front where Juyeon was seated, and you hated how you had actually spent a good minute admiring his features. 

He wore a simple beige coat over a white tee, paired with a pair of black slim pants with leather shoes. His black hair was styled all the way back, leaving a little strand of hair down on his forehead. He was busy flipping through his documents while setting up his laptop to project the PowerPoint slides for everyone to see. 

You just hated how extremely good-looking he was right now and that there was a high chance that you wouldn’t concentrate on your work throughout the next hour. 

And how you would actually want to run into his embrace and give him a little peck on the lips—

Wait, what? 

As Juyeon finally lifted his head from the monitor and looked at everyone else in the room, it was a sign that the meeting was about to commence, and you quickly took the still available seat, the front seat. 

Throughout the presentation, you tried your best to take in everything that Juyeon- well, your CEO, was trying to convey to his employees. It turns out that this upcoming fashion show would be one of the most crucial ones the company has ever done for years, especially now that all the big brands are willing to collaborate with GQ Korea and put out the best fashion show in the country. 

It was quite a breathtaking look to see how Juyeon was passionate about his job, talking and explaining each detail to his employees carefully while making it enjoyable for everyone to learn or be part of. With that, you have noticed how every single employee in the room was constantly taking down details as quickly as lightning, making sure not to miss out on any small detail. There were moments when some would raise their hands to ask further questions, and Juyeon was more than happy to answer them, making the whole meeting seem less stressful but instead quite engaging in return. 

There were times when you found yourself staring at him more than you should’ve, and every time he diverted his attention towards you, you would quickly duck your head down to look back at your laptop as if you were busy typing away on your notes. 

Time seemed to have passed quickly as Juyeon finally wrapped up the meeting and let everyone off. In fact, the meeting ended right at the dot, and it was just past noon, meaning it was lunchtime for all employees. Everyone was quick to dash through the door, their stomach grumbling after using up all of the energy for the meeting. For you, you decided to pack up your belongings at your own pace, knowing that you would be spending your lunch back at your cubicle with the little bento box your mother had packed for you this morning. 

As you are about to head straight for the door, the familiar voice stops you in your tracks, making you turn your head back to face the man himself. 

“Miss L/N, I would like to have a word with you.” 

Oh, god. It’s here. 

Mentally, you were cursing out all the vulgar words you knew at the back of your mind as you slowly approached your CEO, trying your best not to let out the croak in your voice. 

“Y-Yes, may I help you, Mr Lee?” 

“There is a place that I have to pay a short visit, and I would like you to keep me company.”

Whenever an employer or the CEO would address their employees to keep them company as they pay a visit to a certain location, it usually meant that it was to meet up with a client or to survey certain products or places that could significantly be crucial for the company’s success. 

But here you were, sitting in one of the fancy cafes that wasn’t far from the office, having lunch with your CEO, who was sitting in front of you. 

Juyeon said nothing along the way as he brought you to the cafe, insisting that you sit down and order from the menu with no questions asked. As awkward as it was, you were about to deny his request before he looked straight down towards the menu, not even glancing at you. 

You figured this was probably part of the job, and there was no way you would deny your CEO’s request right here and then, especially when it was working hours and everything was strictly business. 

Once both of you have made your orders to the waitress that just passed by a minute ago, you diverted your attention towards the tablecloth, not wanting to look straight at Juyeon. However, his deep voice caught your attention, and you lifted your head back up after hearing the words you had wanted to say for the past seven years. 

“I think it’s about time I told you the truth, Y/N.” 

Oh, he called you by your name. 

As you focus your attention right on him, you can see the sadness in his eyes once more, just like how it was back when you first encountered him in his office the day before. 

“Umm…with due respect Mr Lee—”

“Juyeon is fine. We’re outside of work, Y/N. I would appreciate it if you could talk to me like we used to, and I will do the same,” he responded, slowly resting his arms on the tablecloth as if he were leaning slightly closer to you. 

With that you took a significantly big gulp, knowing that the day you longed for was finally here. You were about to get the answers you desperately needed to know, but at the same time, you weren’t so sure if you wanted to know the truth right now, especially with all of the things that you have gone through trying your best to take him out of your life completely. 

“Will you please give me a chance to listen to what I have to say?” He pleaded, looking at you with a desperate look in his eyes. 

Your gut and mind were trying to tell you that you have done your best to completely eliminate him in your life for the past seven years. Would you give up easily and open your enclosed heart just like that? After all of the hard work that you have done? 

Say no, Y/N. You have gotten over the guy. It’s all over between you two—

“Yeah. Go on.” 

Goddammit, Y/N. 

Immediately, his eyes lit up upon your words, and his shoulders slumped down a little, indicating that he has relaxed a bit. 

“Oh, thank god, Y/N. I guess you were still the same old Y/N that I remembered—”

“You said we’re not employers and employees now, so I’d say cut to the chase with what you have to say while you can, Juyeon,” you bluntly replied as you crossed your arms around you. 

In return, Juyeon gave you a little weak smile and a sigh before he eventually diverted his full attention to you. 

“Remember when we got separated back in high school? During our graduation day, you—”

“You left me behind, Juyeon.” 

“I didn’t have a choice back then, Y/N. But now I’m here to tell you everything. You have no idea how our stomach dropped when my father came home and told us that his company was about to go bankrupt, and we were on the verge of losing everything.” 

So that was what happened.

“And how it was also the day my mother found out that she had cancer and her chances of recovery were lower than expected.” 

“J-Juyeon…w-why didn’t you tell me all of this?” 

“I wanted to. I really wanted to so badly, Y/N. Because you’re my best friend, and you deserve to know everything. But I just didn’t know how to, and I was afraid of what might happen, and I don’t want to put the pressure on you.” 

“W-Where are they now, then?” 

Juyeon had to take in a big breath before choosing his following words wisely, knowing it must’ve been hard to even talk about it publicly. “Mom became bedridden, and she’s still receiving treatment in one of the hospitals back in the States. Dad is currently running a small little shop near the hospital along with my little brother.” 

“Then, why did you come back here?” 

“I came back because starting a proper company there was tough. I figured there might be a slight chance things could work out here in Seoul. With the remaining funds we had, I eventually begged my dad to give his final trust in me as I found a way to make things work out. Luckily, we had some acquaintances back here, and they helped me get into one of the prestigious universities and eventually landed me a job here at GQ Korea. I started as a normal employee before I eventually became their CEO a year prior.” 

It was then you noticed a single teardrop on the verge of dripping down his face from the corners of his eyes. Naturally and unbeknownst to you, your hand reached for the tissues placed neatly on the table, and you leaned in to wipe away that single teardrop. 

Only then did you both realise what you were doing, and that was when your eyes widened, and you were about to prop down back to your seat.

That was until Juyeon grabbed your wrist, not wanting to let you go. 

“This teardrop is nothing, Y/N. I’m so sorry you have to see this side of me. It’s not very cool, I guess,” he chuckled, trying his best to lighten up the mood a bit. 

As soon as he says those words, your other free hand eventually finds itself on Juyeon’s shoulders, causing the male’s eyes to widen this time before you finally speak out the words that you have always wanted to tell straight to his face all those years ago. 

“Juyeon, you need to start learning to put yourself before others. And I really mean it.” 

“Y/N, I—”

“No buts. Even after all these years, you’re still the same as before, always prioritising others before your own. As much as you are the most kind-hearted soul I’ve ever seen, you need to start loving and giving yourself some credit,” you replied, adding a little pressure onto your grip on his shoulders. 

With that, none of you said a word for a good couple of seconds, and you both just spent the entire time staring into each other's eyes as if you were conveying your messages non-verbally. That was until Juyeon finally decided to break the tension off by smiling at you, a genuine one you had consistently grown to love back then. 

“So, am I back in your good graces now, princess?” 

You were finally brought back to your senses, and you quickly removed both hands from him and sat down swiftly back on your chair, ducking your head down while giving a slight pout. 

Juyeon missed this sight of you and was absolutely admiring the whole situation that unfolded before him. Just then, both of your meals arrived, and the same waitress from before gently placed each of your respective ones in front of you. Juyeon then gently placed the cutlery in front of you. 

“Dig in,” he mentioned before whipping out the napkin and placing it right on his lap, before going in with his cutlery to cut through his steak. 

In return, you swiftly picked up yours and roughly cut through your freshly cooked breaded cod fish. 

“No one calls a normal friend princess, Lee freaking Juyeon,” you mumbled.

Just when you thought that would be the only time you would actually spend some time alone with Juyeon, it turns out the male had perceived that you both were back just the way you were when you were kids. 

Since that day, Juyeon would actually make his way out to invite you often to join lunch with him at the same cafe, usually ordering a different dish from the wide selection of food on the menu. What Juyeon loved the most about the place was the ambience and good coffee, and he would always be seen ordering a big jumbo-sized cup of iced latte to bring back to his office to help get through the rest of the day. 

You, on the other hand, were often stuck with more or less the same few dishes that you’ve tried, and you, too, would order your usual iced americano back to the office once you both were done with the meal. 

At first, you have always tried your best to avoid having contact with him; that first lunch date was just a typical day, as you would try to convince yourself. But whenever Juyeon gets a little break out from the office, he would either send you a personal email or sometimes ask his personal assistant to come down to your department to inform you to wait for the man down at the lobby at noon. 

You obviously could do your very best to come up with excuses to let him know that you’re busy with something or you already have plans to eat with your co-workers, but it seemed that the heart does what it wants, and it does not align with the signals that your brain is trying to tell you; which is to avoid and cut off this whole friendship for good. 

So you were back to being the giddy seventeen-year-old little girl who often felt excited whenever you spent time with your childhood friend. Hence, every time you were taking the very last escalator down to the lobby, you would often use that little time to admire the way Juyeon would always lean against one of the pillars while swiping through his phone with one hand and keeping the other one inside the pocket of his coat. 

But you did not want to admit it just yet, so you would constantly remind yourself that he’s only back for a while; it wouldn’t be so easy to open up your ice-cold heart again. 

That was until today. 

Just a few days prior, Juyeon had given you a ticket to visit this huge Christmas market in the town centre. At first, you stared at the paper blankly, thinking it was all a joke and he couldn’t have gone with you. But the male made it clear that he invited you to come along, which would be the two of you together. 

Your heart was bouncing so fast that you were afraid it would eventually pop out of your chest as you slowly approached where you both were supposed to meet. You figured it best that you arrived twenty minutes earlier to compose yourself and try to understand your situation. 

As you paced back and forth for god knows how long, you finally heard your name being called out from the far distance, and you perked your head up to see that Juyeon was waving his hands and running towards you like he used to back when he was a kid. 

Once he finally stopped right in front of you, he began panting heavily to the point you were genuinely worried if this man was actually alright. 

“Woah, what the hell happened to you? You seemed like you were escaping from a monster or something,” you joked. 

“N-No…I went to get this for you…” Juyeon then hands you a brown paper bag, and you accept it while being all confused. 

“Open it, Y/N. Have a look at what’s inside,” he insisted before resting both hands on his hips. 

While giving Juyeon a weird look, you finally peeped into the bag and extended your arm into the brown bag before you finally felt something soft against your palms and eventually pulled whatever it was out. 

Your eyes widened when you saw what it was. 

“J-Juyeon…this…”

“Remember way back in high school; we promised each other that we would want to visit the Christmas markets, and how badly did you want this soft alpaca plushie that was way too expensive for neither of us to get our hands on? Yeah, I actually got it before the store closed like minutes ago.” 

He remembered. 

You have always been vocal about wanting this plushie for years, and there was no way your parents were buying it for you, claiming that it was way too expensive (which it was since it was part of a collaboration with one of the high-end fashion companies) and that you wouldn’t have a proper use for it. Back then, Juyeon couldn’t do anything but reassure you that one day, your wish would definitely come true while always giving you pinky promises. 

And now, you were finally receiving your biggest Christmas wishlist item as an adult, and you couldn’t be much happier. 

You laughed. “Juyeon, you do realise that I’m not a child anymore, right?” 

“Who says plushies are only meant for young children? Why can’t adults have their collection? I’ll tell you I have a Build-A-Bear in my bedroom.” 

“You must be joking.” 

“Mark my words, Y/N.” 

Eventually, you both started laughing out loud before you hugged the plushie close to you, activating the heating function in the toy to keep yourself warm; that was the main purpose that made you want to purchase this product long ago. 

“Thank you, Juyeon.” 

“Well, instead of thanking me, why don’t you keep me company for the night as we explore this Christmas market together?” 

You smiled. “With pleasure.”

“Oh, Juyeon~ Have I ever told you how much I’ve admired your good looks? I’d like to think that your family genes are something else.”

After an hour or two of walking through the entire Christmas market and having too much fun going to each stall and trying out the different activities and food, you eventually stumbled upon one located towards the furthest end and sold various eggnog drinks. You have never tried this particular alcoholic beverage before; you were mostly used to the beers that you often get back in the pubs in London. However, Juyeon insisted that you give it a go especially for the Christmas season, and he eventually bought both of you a mug. 

The initial taste seemed a bit off to you, but once the alcohol started kicking in, you eventually began to chug the whole liquid down as if it were nobody’s business. After some time, one mug of eggnog began turning into two, and then three, and finally, you were pretty sure that you were on your fifth mug by now. 

That was when Juyeon realised that he should’ve stopped you by your second or third mug because now you were barely walking properly without his aid, and your speech began to slur as he linked your arms over his shoulders, trying his best to support you while walking you back home. 

You both had to take the subway trains to head back to your apartment and during the entire time, you were clingy with your childhood friend, often wrapping your arms around him and giving him a tight squeeze while mumbling incoherent words. You caught the attention of all passengers and passersby, but Juyeon could only smile at how you looked right now. 

He had never seen you drunk before, and this was a whole new experience for him. But he wasn’t too mad that you reminded him so much of your younger self; it was as if he was witnessing the seven-year-old you again in the present day. 

After walking from the subway and, eventually, towards your front door to your apartment, Juyeon was about to take you up towards the elevator until you stopped him in his tracks.

“No Juyeon~ why are you leaving me so early? We still have so much more to see in the market!” 

He smiled. “Y/N, I think it’s time for you to head home to get some rest.” 

“But I don’t wanna~” 

With that, Juyeon grabbed hold of both your shoulders as he bent down to be on the same eye level as you, trying his best to talk to you in your drunken stage. 

“Y/N, I’ll see you tomorrow, hmm? We’ve had loads of fun today, and besides, your mom and sister would be worried sick about you at this late hour.” 

Immediately, you lifted your pinky at him, which caused the male to stare at you blankly. “Pinky promise that I get to see you tomorrow, Juyeon-ie?” 

Oh, how insanely adorable you were to Juyeon right now. 

He chuckled before linking his pinky with yours, shaking it left and right slightly as if to seal the agreement. “I promise, we’ll see each other in the office first thing tomorrow morning.”

With the final pinky shake, Juyeon guided you towards the elevator and pressed the button. As you both waited for the elevator to come down to the ground floor, you suddenly broke off the silence, and Juyeon had to blink twice to know he wasn’t hearing things wrong. 

“I’ve always liked you Juyeon…even after all these years…I never stopped loving you…” you sobbed. 

Your nose was now sniffling, and you closed your eyes to let the tears drip down, not caring what Juyeon would think about all this. You were done trying to hold it back for so long, and you needed to let the burden that you’ve held onto for years finally let loose, and well, you were drunk at this point, so you couldn’t really control the words that slipped out from your mouth. 

“Why did you leave me just like that…did you know how much pain it has caused…and how hard I’ve tried to forget every single thing about you? I even threw away all of the pictures and toys we’d had together because the flashbacks of memories would often play in my mind upon seeing them,” you were now crying, and you began to raise your voice a little. 

“Why, Juyeon, WHY!!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, and immediately you burst out crying, plopping straight down onto the concrete floor. You hated how the alcohol wasn’t making you think straight and that you were feeling a roller coaster of emotions right now. 

Just let it out, Y/N. You’ve suffered long enough—

Immediately, a warm pair of arms wrapped around you, and a hand gently pushed your head down to let you rest on the crook of their neck. You finally glanced up to see that it was Juyeon, holding you tight and resting his chin on the top of your head. 

As much as you want to push yourself away from him, you can’t. You couldn’t explain why, and you have even made a pact to yourself that you wouldn’t want anything associated with him anymore. 

But why did the saying the heart wants what it wants have to be so accurate? 

You hated it, hated how you have always let your emotions take full control over your mind, not making you think straight, and often going against your plans. In fact, your heart ached so badly, and it was the same feeling that you felt seven years ago, right when Juyeon left you alone as he hopped onto his vehicle. 

The only thing you could do right now was to let the stream of tears pour down and cry out to your heart’s content. You felt weak, and you could do nothing to push him away. 

Juyeon couldn’t blame you, though, because how could he? Especially when he was the one who said nothing all those years ago. Now, he was seeing with his own eyes how much pain and trouble it has cost you, turning you into a vulnerable little petite girl who was crying her heart out in his arms. 

With that, he moved his lips down to plant a little kiss on your head and eventually closed his eyes as your cries filled up his eyedrums. 

“I’ll make it work, Y/N. I promise you that I’ll make things work this time.”

“Oh, good fucking hell.” 

You were sitting on your work desk, bringing your hands to cover up your face. It was an absolute nightmare to hear from your sister about what happened the night before—how you got drunk and caused a little scene in public, which made everyone turn their attention towards you, how Juyeon was the one who brought you all the way back home, how you had a breakdown in front of him to the point you eventually fell asleep after crying your eyes out to the point he had to physically gave you a piggyback up to your front door and assisted your sister to plop you down on your bed. 

If there was a nearby cliff near your workplace, you would do anything to ditch work and actually head straight up there to jump off from the embarrassment. 

You were already not having a good time reuniting with Juyeon, let alone trying to sort your emotions out while seeing him at work every day and that he was your boss. But to confess your deepest thoughts while being vulnerable and drunk in front of him? That was not written anywhere in your books. 

As you were spending your entire lunch break groaning over what happened last night, you immediately received a call from your desk telephone, and you quickly composed yourself before picking the phone up. 

“Y-Yes, hello? This is L/N from the editorial department; how may I assist you for the day?”

“Good afternoon, Miss L/N. Please report to the CEO’s office immediately whenever you can.” 

Oh, Jesus take the wheel. 

The entire walk up to the CEO’s office was nerve-wracking; it was as if you were being sent to detention at the principal’s office because you messed up really badly. So many thoughts ran through your mind, thinking about how to apologise to Juyeon for the scene you had caused the day prior.

Once you walked into his office, you tried your best to devise the best phrase to start the conversation, but it seemed that Juyeon beat you to it, immediately handing you a red ginseng hangover drink. 

You reluctantly accepted it while mumbling a soft ‘thank you’ before he insisted that you drink it immediately before him. Once you were done, he took the bottle away and tossed it straight into the bin, directly briefing you about the upcoming fashion show, now only a month away. 

Now that it was back to business and you were no longer childhood friends, you tried your best to keep your composure as you listened to all of the details he was going through one by one with you. 

Eventually, he decided to bring you along to meet up with one of the CEOs of the high-end brands on a trip to Seoul to discuss the plan in person further. Apparently, you have met with the CEO of Fendi, and it’s one of the brands that have been associated with GQ Korea for decades now. Somehow, Juyeon has gotten pretty close with the famous man himself over the years.

All of you met up in the famous Four Seasons Hotel for a pretty luxurious high-tea session while discussing the whole fashion show. It was mostly just Juyeon conversing with the CEO himself; you were mainly there to take down all the essential notes that both parties spoke.

Usually, it would have been his personal assistant job, but he insisted that you come along this time, saying it was part of your training. To be completely honest, you weren’t sure if Juyeon was the one mixing up between work and personal life issues at this point. All you wanted to do was to pray that this meeting gets over and done with quickly so that you could head back towards the comforts of your cubicle in the office and not face Juyeon for a while.

After an hour or so, it seemed as if the meeting was wrapped, and both parties finally parted ways for now, causing you to head straight back to Juyeon’s vehicle. Many people would think most CEOs would have their chauffeur, but Juyeon insisted that he always preferred to drive alone. 

He was still the chatterbox that you have always remembered back in the day, how we would often come up with any possible topic that would keep you entertained; you both could talk for days back then only if both of your families didn’t stop you from heading back home for meal time. 

There was only one problem this time: you were still troubled by what had happened the day before, and it was hard enough to even join Juyeon for this meeting with the CEO of Fendi in the first place. Now that both of you were alone in the car, things were far more awkward than they already were. Juyeon never touched on the topic from last night, but still, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him in the face. 

Just when you thought Juyeon was about to take the left turn to head back towards the office, he took the other lane instead and drove towards the opposite direction.

“Juyeon, the office is the other way—”

“Let’s go somewhere, Y/N. Treat this as a little gift of stepping out of office hours for a bit. You’ll still get paid, though; don’t worry. I’ll make sure to inform your head department about your absence.” 

What on earth is going through your mind, Juyeon?

It has been a few minutes since you have physically pressed yourself against the tank, slowly admiring various species swimming about minding their own business. 

Apparently, you both have arrived at the COEX Aquarium, known for homing a large variety of rare species of aquatic animals and typically the best place for school trips, holidays, and even as a date.

Wait, scratch that last one—

“Didn’t you always say how coming here has been on your bucket list for the longest time?” Juyeon questioned you as he slowly walked up towards where you were from behind, slipping both of his hands into his cloak as he, too, began admiring the beauty in front of him. 

That was when you finally diverted your attention to his face for the first time since hopping into his car this morning to head to the hotel. You were upset at yourself with how the feelings were the same as before: his pretty sculpted facial features, how good-looking he actually was, and how he could do the bare minimum, yet you would still swoon over the man himself. 

With all that has happened lately, something told you this was more than friend behaviour. Sure, Juyeon might be trying his best to patch up this whole relationship you once had, taking you to places and recreating new memories with one another, but you weren’t sure if Juyeon felt the same way as you did. 

That deep feeling within the pit of your stomach made you feel uncomfortable, and it was about time you finally confronted him about the one question that had pondered at the back of your mind for the longest time. 

If both of you wanted to continue whatever was happening between you, you needed to get the specific answer first. 

And it has to be now. 

“Juyeon, can I ask you something?” 

He hummed. “Yeah, go ahead.” 

With that, you turned your entire body facing him and took a deep breath to figure out the right words to convey your feelings for the man himself. “I meant what I said the night before.” 

That alone was enough to get his full attention, as he was now slowly turning himself fully towards you as if he was staring straight into your soul. You wanted to chicken out so badly and tell him it was nothing, and you both could just continue with the silence. But you have already come so far, and you know that this will only continue to haunt you for as long as you live if you aren’t going to address it now. 

So you mustered up every bit of courage left within you, and opened your mouth again. 

“I never stopped loving you, Juyeon. Even though we have lost contact for so many years, I never once stop thinking about you every single day. As much as I’ve tried so hard to forget about you, hell, I threw everything that reminded me of you into the dumpster or boxes and kept them deep somewhere where I wouldn’t even think about searching for it ever again, but to no avail.” 

Your body began to tremble as you tried to calm yourself down by playing with your fingers. “I couldn’t, Juyeon. Every time I thought I have succeeded in getting rid of you from my life for good, the thought of you just somehow finds its way to creep back up in my mind.” 

“I have no idea if karma sent me back here to Seoul, especially when my career was doing well in London. Imagine coming back and discovering that my new employer is someone I’ve tried so hard to forget about? The mixed emotions I felt then were insufferable.” 

As you began to speak more, tears started welling up in your eyes, causing your heartbeat to rise rapidly. But you decided to press on and choke back on your tears. 

“With all that you have done for me for the past weeks and months, I truly have no idea what on earth you are trying to prove to me, Lee Juyeon. Are you trying to fix our broken friendship? Or is it something more? What exactly are you even planning to do, Juyeon?” 

Finally, you took a few steps closer until you were inches away from him. 

“Be honest with me now, Juyeon. What exactly am I to you?” 

There was this tense moment between you two, and neither of you said a word to one another. You were looking straight at your childhood friend with red, puffy eyes, and his eyes were widened, looking at you and trying his best to take in everything you’d said. 

Something tells you that it was best not to hear about Juyeon’s opinions at all for the fear of rejection once more. If you had the power to dissect his mind to determine his thoughts and feelings about all of this, you would. Yet, you were still afraid of what might happen next. 

As you wait for his response, you slowly examine how his shoulders began to slump, and eventually he tries his best to talk some sense into you. 

“Y/N, I—”

“Ah! It’s Juyeon-ie!” 

The both of you immediately darted your head towards where the voice was coming from, and that was when you noticed a female running towards Juyeon while waving her hands, and a rather old man accompanied her. 

Who could it be? 

“Saeran? And Uncle Lee? What are you two doing here?” Juyeon questioned as the two individuals made their way towards you. It was also then they both noticed your presence and the soft-spoken young lady was the one who broke the ice. 

“You must be?” 

“O-Oh, I umm—”

“She’s Y/N; she used to be my neighbour back in the days when I was still living in Seoul.” 

Just a neighbour, huh? 

“Ah, Y/N!” The young female extended her hand for a little handshake, in which you awkwardly return the favour. “It’s a pleasure to meet you in person finally! Juyeon has spoken a lot about you.” 

Before you could even give a reply, it seemed that the older man whom you now know was his uncle, or rather, perceived that he was the one who managed to help Juyeon get a new start in life back here in Seoul, finally spoke and diverted Juyeon’s attention back to what they were here for in the first place. 

“We had made a little appointment this afternoon, don’t you remember, Juyeon?”

“Oh, yes! I’m so sorry. It must’ve completely slipped my mind since I have been pretty caught up with work lately,” Juyeon apologised while slightly bowing towards his uncle. 

“Not at all, Juyeon. I’m sure you must’ve been pretty busy with-” his uncle then diverts his attention towards you. “-a lot of things.” 

You definitely felt way too uncomfortable at the moment, and you needed to get out of the aquarium right this second if you did not wish to be suffocated by all of the tension in the air. 

Immediately, you gently removed your hands from the young female and quickly made a ninety-degree bow towards all of them.

“My humble apologies, it seems that I have disrupted an important meeting. I shall take my leave now.” 

As soon as you turned your heel towards the other direction, you suddenly felt a pair of hands grab your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. 

“Y/N! Wait, I’ll drive you back—”

“No, it’s fine,” you tried your best to smile at him. “I’ll just take the train located right outside the aquarium. Have a good day.” 

You instantly slip your hands off his grip and dash straight towards the front door, trying your best not to look back and ignore the tears dripping down your face as you walk down the steps towards the subway.

It was now week two of cutting off all contact with Juyeon. It hadn’t been easy for you both at work and personally. In fact, you haven’t been doing great at all. It was as if you had turned into a living zombie, often feeling rather emotionless and drowning yourself in paperwork and avoiding contact with another except for your head of department. 

Since Juyeon was still your employer and CEO, he has definitely tried all means of contacting you, asking to see if you were doing okay or trying to get you up to his office to talk about the fashion show, or rather, to talk things out. But every single time, you would find ways to decline his request as best as possible while respecting him as your boss first and foremost. 

After a week of declining his invitations, his messages and calls eventually stopped coming a week ago; it was as if he had completely vanished for a little while. From what you have heard, it seemed that he had some urgent matters that he had to deal with, causing him to leave the office into the hands of his assistant for now.

It was finally a little breather for you since you didn’t have to put on this facade for the time being, letting you let loose for a bit. Going through sleepless nights throughout the past couple of weeks definitely has taken a toll on your mental well-being. 

You told yourself you needed to hold it all in for another week. Once this whole fashion show is done, you will get your well-deserved vacation off work for one week. 

It’ll be alright. Things will definitely work out in one way or another, Y/N.

It was finally the day for the long-awaited fashion show hosted by GQ Korea and the collaboration among famous brands around the globe. A swarm of people marched into the rented convention hall, filling the entire space within minutes.

You and your co-workers were busy getting everything organised and ensuring everything was in place. Since you were in the editorial department, you have been going about talking to all of the big figureheads from each respective brand, mostly just breaking the ice as well as interviewing them so that you have your necessary notes to draft out the proposal for the upcoming magazine. 

Time passed quickly and it was time for the show to begin. As you sat down on one of the chairs, you made your way towards the far end corners of the hall, getting ready your notepad and trusty blue ballpoint pen. 

As the light began to dim, Juyeon eventually made his way up on stage with a microphone, giving the guests a warm welcome and a little opening speech before the models began their runway walk. Seeing the man himself again was a bittersweet moment for you. As much as you wanted nothing more associated with him, your eyes just couldn’t seem to turn away from him.

It did not help that he was dressed up in a black tuxedo, with his hair styled up with his usual one strand on his forehead. He looked strikingly handsome, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to woo almost everyone in the audience tonight. The way he presented himself was truly magnificent, and you could see why he was able to rise to the ranks of being a CEO at such a young age. 

Tears began welling up in your eyes again, but you tried your very best to hold them back and mentally cursed at yourself, thinking that this was all professional work now and that there was no room for any personal matters for the night. 

Once he made his desired speech, he eventually came down from the stage and sat at one of the front row seats, and that was where you could clearly see that the very same girl from the aquarium sat right next to him, along with his uncle and personal assistant. It shouldn’t bother you since they are practically family to him. It was none of your business, so why couldn’t you take your eyes off them?

Or rather, with him and the young lady who was clearly having fun whispering into each other’s ears. 

It has nothing to do with me. 

You constantly reminded yourself that whenever you tried to spare a glance at them, all while you were taking down notes from the show. It was definitely a challenge trying to stay focused, and there were a couple of times when you needed to close your eyes for a bit and take a few deep breaths to proceed with your work. 

The show finished smoothly, and the audience responded with a standing ovation. You definitely felt a sense of accomplishment from that, too, given that all of your hard work over the past months had finally paid off. 

The event wouldn’t have been complete without an after-party, so here you were in the hall next door—with all of the guests, models, and even staff alike having loads of fun chatting about with a glass of champagne in hand. Eventually, the DJ that was hired began to blast out a wide selection of music, indicating that whoever felt comfortable hitting up the dance floor was able to do so. 

You smiled as you saw a couple of your close co-workers pull up some moves on the dance floor; it reminded you of loads of your time back in the UK—going to the local pubs and just having the time of your life drinking and partying with your friends. 

Just as you were lost in thought, you suddenly felt a little tap on your shoulder, and you turned around to see that Juyeon’s assistant insisted that someone wanted to see you in person. 

You didn’t think much of it since you already had a little bit of alcohol in your system, so when you finally realised who was the one who wanted to see you, panic began to rush through your veins, and you tried your best to make sense of the situation. 

“Mr Lee? Is something the matter?”

You did not need to see the older male again, especially when he gave you a not-so-good first impression back at the aquarium. However, you had no reason to devise an excuse to leave; he was much superior to you anyway. 

“Why, good evening, Miss L/N. I hope you are enjoying the party so far, and congratulations on the job well done. I must say Juyeon always excels in his work, no matter what obstacles he encounters along the way.” 

The only thing you could do was flash a little smile back at him, as much as it made you uncomfortable. In the back of your mind, you have dozens of questions running through your mind, thinking about in what manner his uncle has any business with you. 

Eventually, he began speaking as if he was chanting through a book, giving you a whole load of information that was a little bit too much to take in at the moment. 

“It seems that Seoul life has been too tedious for you, don’t you think? Have you ever wondered about transferring back to London? Perhaps it would be a much better place for you to reside in.” 

“Umm, with all due respect, sir, how did you know about my background—”

“Oh, I have always kept an eye on you; you were Juyeon’s childhood friend, after all.” 

Keyword. “Were” 

“With that being said, I have read a couple of your articles before from the London Mail, and I must say, they are actually quite extraordinary.” 

“W-Why, t-thank you, Mr Lee. I really do appreciate them—”

“Speaking of transferring, the CEO for Fendi has actually taken quite a liking to you and your work. Even throughout the whole fashion show back there, he has been talking on and on about you, saying how you would prove to be a fruitful addition to his company.”

Just like that, Mr Lee began to step forward to hand you a little sticky note, which clearly had a number written on it. 

“If you ever change your mind, give me a call. Besides, I’m sure you already know the answer deep within your heart. I will be waiting,” Mr Lee responded with a smug before entering back into the hall. 

You stared back down at the note and eventually began thinking about what his uncle said prior. Suddenly, you started feeling conflicted, thinking this was the right place to belong. But it could also be his way of trying to brainwash you; you’re pretty sure you felt like a menace in his eyes. 

You decided you needed some fresh air to clear your thoughts for a bit, so you headed out towards the balcony right up the stairs. You figured that an open-air rooftop seemed perfect for some alone time. 

If only you were the only one who was planning to use the same exact spot that is.

Right when you reached the door that was ajar on the rooftop, you immediately recognised the two people standing before you, the female leaning in to give your childhood friend a peck on the lips.

You stand there motionless, and immediately, your blood starts to boil, something you haven’t felt in a while. The glass of champagne then drops towards the ground, and the shattered noises make the two turn their attention towards you. 

It all felt like a sudden pause like time had stopped for a few moments. The both of you were staring deep into each other’s eyes, not knowing what to do or how to respond. But then, Juyeon eventually spoke to break the silence. 

Before you could ever hear what he had to say, you were already dashing down the stairs, not caring that you had missed a couple of steps and that there were a few instances where you felt like you were about to trip and fall straight down back where you came from. 

Not even wanting to let your co-workers know about anything, you quickly dashed through the front gates, running through the now gloomy skies that were bound to have a heavy downpour within a few minutes. 

You should’ve remembered that Juyeon was the basketball team leader back in high school for a reason; no matter how fast you ran through the streets, he eventually caught you and yanked you back towards him, causing you to press up against his chest. 

“Let me go! Let me go—”

“Y/N! Please! Let us just talk things out.” 

You used up all of your strength and pushed him away as hard as you could before you began raising your voice back at him. “Talk? Don’t be ridiculous. You have done more than enough, and I have seen enough.” 

“Y/N, no. You don’t understand—”

“What else do I have to understand!?!? You have done more than enough to shatter me over and over again, Juyeon! And to think I was dumb enough actually to think we could work things out again!” You screamed. 

“Y/N…please…just calm down and listen to what I have to say…” Juyeon was now practically begging you, begging you just to stop. 

“You clearly don’t understand the pain that I’ve gone through, Juyeon. You weren’t there to witness or experience it anyway! Why did we even become friends in the first place, huh!?!?” 

God, cat’s out of the bag. 

That last sentence was definitely not meant to be said at all; it was one of your deepest, darkest thoughts that you have sworn that nobody should ever find out about, especially when it is directed towards the person who stood before you.

“I hate you, Juyeon…I really do…for all of the pain that you have caused me…” you were now sobbing like a child, which pained Juyeon so much seeing how you were now. 

With that, a loud thunder resonated throughout the city, and a heavy downpour began pouring down from the skies. The both of you were now soaked, and you mustered up the courage to say your final words to him as the tears began mixing with the rain. 

“Please…I beg of you…just stop looking for me…or even talk to me at all…just leave me alone…that’s the last thing I will ask of you…” 

“I don’t want anything to do with you no more.” 

You slowly began backing away, and when you reached a good amount of distance, you turned your heel and began running away into the shadows, not sparing a final glance at your childhood friend who stood at the same spot under the pouring rain. 

This is my final goodbye, Juyeon.

If you thought the whole week of you being a walking zombie in the office was terrible enough, clearly, nobody was prepared for the current state that you were in. You locked yourself up in your room and refused to see anybody, even your mother and sister. 

You would constantly lay in bed, tossing and turning, even though it was hard to fall asleep. Since you avoided contact with your family members, there was nothing much they could do but place a tray filled with your meals and dishes in front of your door, waiting for you to eventually open up during times when you actually felt hungry and took them into your room to savour them all on your own. 

You didn’t need anyone or anything now; you craved alone time and peace. 

As you curl up in bed, sometimes even at the corners of your room, your eyes would often dart towards the sticky note handed to you by his uncle. So many times you have thought about it: what if life would’ve been better abroad and coming back to Seoul was truly a grave mistake that you have made? What if this whole decision was actually an awakening moment for you to realise that this is not where you should belong? 

Days went back and eventually, it became a week. There were only a few days left before you returned to the office for work. The longer you kept staring at the note, the more motivated you were to take the risk and start again. 

Every time you were reminded of what happened that very fateful night, you rationalised that maybe what Mr Lee said was true after all. Perhaps Seoul is really not your place to belong. 

As the clock ticked, your desire to leave everything behind felt stronger. 

You waited until the clock finally struck noon for you to finally stand up with your phone in hand, punching each number into the dial pad and bringing it to your ear. 

Once the ringing eventually got through and you were met with a voice on the other end of the line, you took a deep breath before muttering the words you have been reluctant about all this while. 

“I’ll take up the offer.”

“For the very last time sissy, I promise I will be fine,” you spoke through your headphones as you were on a video call with your sister, who was back home at your apartment. 

“You have never done something so impulsive before, and given that you made this whole decision during your darkest hours? I highly doubt that you’re okay, Miss Y/N.” 

“Well, I can assure you that the darkest hours are gone, and I’m now free and much happier. I can work with Fendi!” 

Your sister sighed through the phone. “Working with big brands is one thing; what about your physical and mental well-being?” 

“Rome doesn’t sound too bad to me, and besides, living in the UK for a couple of years has definitely given me the experience I’ve needed to survive back in the EU again.” 

“Fine. Just…be careful, okay? Give mom and I a call once you’ve touched down.” 

You gave a little flying kiss through the phone. “Don’t worry, I will.” 

After waving goodbye on both sides, you clicked the red end call button and leaned back onto the chair you had been sitting on for the past hour. It was definitely a shocker to you that Fendi was willing to accept you immediately without having to go through any sort of significant interviews and that they were kind enough to even provide accommodations for you. At the same time, you work for them under a contract of two years. Frankly, it was a good deal and a steal. 

You slowly stare into the digital clock on the big screen, which eventually becomes an announcement. 

“All passengers bound for Rome, Italy, please head to gate 4B and be ready for boarding!” 

Instantly, almost all of the people around you began standing and lining up as if they needed to be the first to get on board. You have always disliked and never understood why the rush and pushing against one another trying to fight for the first slot, so you often just sat back and relaxed until only a couple of folks left to board the plane. 

Time went by quickly, and thirty minutes have passed since then. Now, only a handful of passengers are left to board. That was when it was your cue to get up and sling your backpack onto your back. 

As you slowly walked towards the counter to let the flight attendants scan your passport and let you through the gates, you felt a sudden tap on your shoulders, causing you to turn behind to see who it was. 

You didn’t have much time to respond until you were pulled in for a tight embrace; that familiar cologne was enough to make the tears well up in your eyes again.

“J-Juyeon…” your voice muffled. 

“Stop. Let me just…let me do the talking this time. Please.” 

You would have definitely fought back and started pushing him away once more, but it seems that you were either too taken aback or lost all of the energy throughout the past week to do so. Instead, you just stood there motionless in his arms. 

“Y/N, I know it would be horrible for me to ask for forgiveness because I definitely do not deserve any of that after what I have put you through. Or even for another chance because you clearly gave me one, and it was my fault for not appreciating nor cherishing the moment when it happened,” he began stroking your head, his fingers running through your long, silky, soft hair. 

“But one thing is for sure: I will not let you go this time. This time, I am going to hold you so tight that there’s no room for you to escape; I’ll make sure that you will forever be safe and sound in my arms, and I will be the one who is going to bring you joy instead of pain and tears.” 

He then bends down to give you a little kiss on your forehead. “You mean a lot to me, Y/N. And I’d like to think you are more than just a friend; you’re my other half. Without you, I wouldn’t be able to move on, knowing that I will lose you again, and this time, forever, if I don’t stop you now.” 

“So please, Y/N. I’m begging you. Please don’t go.” 

With his final words, you eventually find your arms slowly snaking up his back and returning the hug to him. You weren’t too sure why you did that, especially after the tremendous pain you have gone through the past week in particular. At the end of the day, the phrase where the heart wants what it wants will forever remain faithful to you, whether you like it or not. 

You sobbed. “You’re not going to make me stay that easily.”

“Oh yeah? You think I’m not capable of doing that?”

“Prove it then.” 

Instantly, one of his hands travelled back up to your chin and lifted them, causing you to look directly towards his as he slowly bent down to interlock his lips with yours. The kiss was rather heated, as if the both of you had been waiting for this to come so badly. You couldn’t care less if you both were actually making out at the airport.

Juyeon cupped your face with both hands as he tilted his head for you to gain more entrance into his. His lips felt soft yet demanding as if you were devouring a forbidden fruit. In return, you run your fingers through his silky black hair. 

After a few minutes, you both broke apart for some fresh air, trying your best to catch your breath simultaneously. 

“Is that supposed to make me stay put in Seoul, Juyeon?” You teased. 

With that, he merely replied with a little smile followed by a smirk. “That, Miss Y/N, was actually a pact you made to me. Treat it as a contract, if you will, that you are bound to stay by my side no matter what.” 

“Ugh, that’s so foul of you!” 

“You should know that I have my ways; I’m not the CEO of GQ Korea for nothing.” 

The both of you eventually burst out into laughter while Juyeon finds both hands on your waist while you wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

“Listen, Y/N. I want to apologise on behalf of my uncle and Saeran.” 

“Oh, yeah. No big deal. By the way, is Saeran—”

“It’s not what you think it is.” 

“It’s not?”

He smiled. “She’s my little cousin, and she often showers me with tons of hugs and kisses, even though I’ve told her to stop a million times.” 

“Well, you’re lucky to have a cousin who loves you that much,” you replied. 

“Yeah, but she’s going to have to learn that she can’t do that anymore because someone else is going to replace her job for that.” 

As much as you knew who he referred to, you still wanted to drag this further. “And who exactly is that?” 

“Hmm…maybe the contract before wasn’t clear enough. Should I make another one?”

You slapped his chest immediately. “Don’t you dare, we’re in public.” 

Again, another burst of laughter was genuinely beginning to make you feel a lot better, even to the point of slowly healing all the scars you have had before. 

With that, you needed to make yourself clear to the man himself. 

“Juyeon, can I just be honest with you?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

“I appreciate you doing all of this for me, but I just want to give you a heads-up that it’ll take a while for me to heal from everything completely and that I’m sorry if I don’t give you the exact treatment that you expect from me, and I—”

You were then silenced with another kiss on the lips; this time, Juyeon took the time to shower you with as many kisses as possible, making sure that each was worthwhile before breaking the kiss again. 

“Y/N, I don’t care about all of that. You can take as long as you need, but just know that I will be here for each step you take, and I��ll give you support whenever you need it. I promise. I will not leave you behind ever again.” 

As you both plastered a soft smile, you leaned in to rest your forehead against each other, taking in everything that had happened minutes prior.

“Here’s to a new beginning with you.”

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @zzoguri @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @lngwayup @daisyvisions (join my permanent taglist here!)

[rapha-reads]

The Church on Ruby Road [spoilers]

First of all: Fifteen is AMAZIIIIIING. I swear I'm going to try and be normal about him, but his energy! His joy! His connection to his feelings, the emotional depth! That moment when he says "I've adopted, I've just discovered that recently", and then his tears when he realises what happened to Ruby, and then how soft and gentle he was with baby Ruby.

I keep remembering Bill's words about Twelve: "With some people you can smell the wind in their clothes." - and that's exactly it with Fifteen. You can feel not only the age, the experience, the heartbreak and trials the Doctor has gone through, but also, and maybe more importantly, the healing, the love, the joy, the endless curiosity about the universe, the limitless desire to always learn and discover new things. Fifteen is the sum of all the previous Doctors, and he's carrying that weight, but he's also something new, something exciting. The trauma is still there, but he's not letting it weigh him down anymore. Even when he has a moment of doubt, when he says "Maybe I'M the bad luck", a previous regeneration would have left - he stayed and let Ruby make her choice. There's growth there.

We definitely are in a new era of Doctor Who. New New Who? New Who 2.0? Modern Who? Do we have a name yet or is still being debated?

Anyway, secondly. Ruby! Aw, she sounds so cool and kind! The mystery around her birth mother is thrilling without taking the precedent over anything else. Either her birth parents aren't that important, though it's Doctor Who - there's always something else, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's a Time Lord kid, or even the Doctor's child themself - or maybe Jenny's child, the Doctor's granddaughter? I'm just wildly theorizing at this point, never mind all of that.

What's interesting is her relationship with her adoptive mother. That scene where Ruby disappears and her mother forgets about her, and the colours themselves literally bleed out, and the joyful, kind, generous woman we've come to know suddenly turns bitter and sad and cold... Man, that scene messed me up. Makes you think about coincidences, about how and when you meet people and you can never know how important they are in your life, because sometimes the influence they have on you are so subtle, so diffuse, it's impossible to see it. Not the first time this happens in Doctor Who, though, time travel does have that impact. Butterflies and all that. But the impact is always the same heart-wrenching feeling.

Third, the language of rope! By which I mean, I was talking with my brother (huge Whovian like me), and he was telling me that he's a bit worried about RTD's decision to go towards fantasy stories. Well, magic is just another language, after all, isn't it? It's just science that we haven't been able to decipher yet. So, fantasy and science-fiction? They go hand in hand, actually. If the TARDIS is a wooden box that's bigger on the inside and can travel through time and space, then sure, why not, goblins exist, they eat baby, they can also move around time, and their science is the science of ropes and wood. Totally plausible in this world. Wouldn't be weirder than that time Ten met Satan in a pit, or Eleven had an ongoing feud with evil snowmen, or Twelve rode on Santa's sleigh, or Thirteen talked to a frog from another universe. That's cool. Love it.

Right. Well. I'm excited for this new series. It's shiny and fresh, it's something else! Moving forward without forgetting the past. And apparently we're going to meet the Beatles? I love historic episodes! And go to some new planets, meet some new aliens, deal once again with holes in the fabric of the universe (not new, but maybe done in a new way?)... This is going to be great. Next episode in Spring, though? At least it's not another full year of wait.

[heroofshield]

Whumptober Day 1: Race Against the Clock (ME:A Reyes/mRyder)

Ryder pushed the Nomad as much as he dared, not wanting to bust an axle or destroy the only means of transportation on this god-forsaken planet but wanting to get to the location beacon as fast as he could; all the while, aware of how much time had passed since Ryder had been told that Reyes had gone missing.

The distress signal had reached Keema five minutes after being activated and Keema contacting the Tempest ten minutes after that. But Ryder had been unreachable for half a day, the downside of going deep into Meridian where all the Remnant technology made it hard for their comms to keep a signal. Only when he'd surfaced was SAM able to tell him what was going on, and he'd wanted to take off right away, but coming up with a plausible reason to head to Kadara had taken time.

Between convincing Tann to let him go and getting everyone back onto the ship had been more time burned, now he was bouncing through the Badlands hoping, hoping that he wasn't too late.

Approaching the location of the distress signal, Ryder.

SAM's AI voice in his eat snapped Ryder out of his thoughts as the Nomad crested the hill and sailed over the top, bouncing a bit harder than normal as it landed. Ryder wrenched the wheel so the rover went off the path and jostled over the small rocks as it drew closer to the mouth of the cave. Sliding to a stop, Ryder did a quick weapons check before all but jumping out and pulling his pistol, crouch walking towards the cave.

"SAM update." he whispered while pausing only to open his omni-tool to scan for lifeforms.

There is no one in the cave.

"What the fuck, I thought you said the locator beacon was coming from here."

It is still transmitting from this location. But there are no bio signs inside the cave.

Ryder's heart leapt into his throat as he rushed into the cave, pistol outstretched and ready to use in-case whomever had taken Reyes were using some kind of cloaking technology. But it soon became clear that SAM had been right, there was no one in the cave.

Entering the small pre-fab unit that was set up, he paused for a second to look around for any helpful clues. Spotting blood on the floor, he crouched and saw that it was still fresh looking, the small locator beacon in the middle of the small pool of blood. Sighing as he picked it up with gloved hands, Ryder straightened and saw that there was a datapad on the shelf. Mentally crossing his fingers that it was unlocked, Ryder woke it up but froze at the message that was on the screen.

You have twenty minutes Pathfinder. We know how much Vidal means to you. 37.7393N 10.333E

"SAM, input coordinates and transmit to my HUD." Ryder snapped, breaking into a run back the way he'd come. He had no idea how long ago that had been written and the time might have already expired.

Skittering to a stop, he paused only long enough to strap himself in before gunning the Nomad north of the cave.

He had to rescue Reyes in time, he had to.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

non post here just collecting current thoughts abt the [what's up with atlas' death and the unlikely connection of mitzi and mordecai through some shared secret relating to it] mystery specifically

firstly i'm tending to presume that mordecai did just shoot atlas; he definitely knows that mitzi did Not, "she didn't shoot anyone"....which also i suppose does not necessarily mean that mitzi didn't kill him. it's possible she did, or mordecai did, or someone else did, and by some non [noscoped by mordecai] method, but that mordecai and mitzi then coordinated in covering up how he actually died by, say, quickly staging some kind of other scene, including shooting him while he had only recently died. but really the mystery here is like, what exactly would these two feel so aligned in cause about. doesn't seem like, say, mitzi could've just paid mordecai to take atlas out, b/c mordecai would either not want to do it Or he actually would, in which case why not do it himself, and earlier, since he was at lackadaisy for surely the better part of a decade. it could've been like "with our combined talents imagine how nearly competent we could be" with mitzi having some kind of key knowledge to plan this heist (murder) or something. but it would still require an Alignment between them of wanting him dead Now, and, y'know, why

their particular similarities that we know of, imo, are that they're probably about the same age (supposing mitzi's around thirty / early thirties) and that they're sort of especially Materially Beholden to atlas and more directly, individually collected by him (versus, say, zib saying he's a collected stray because he'd stay around if mitzi did. he's also a saxophonist which is lower stakes than your new wife or your new guy to kill other guys)....neither mitzi nor mordecai seem to posthumously dislike atlas, but naturally mordecai's barely indirectly commented and it seems to me like mitzi regards atlas fairly symbolically, as the potential for her situation to improve, or at least be as good as it was during lackadaisy's heyday. she may have affection for him abstractly, and we also know via mordecai that the marriage was distant enough before atlas died that mitzi didn't live with him and things had Visibly Deteriorated. it sure seems plausible that mitzi might kill him to inherit things, and turned to mordecai for his expertise in a) doing that & b) perchance making it look like an accident / covering things up, but he evidently didn't want to stay on at lackadaisy No Matter What, i.e. if mitzi was running it instead, and why agree to this, it seems very unlikely he'd do anything just for mitzi's sake or the sake of being paid to do it by her, he has to have his own motivation. and it's possible that, despite plausible positive feelings about atlas still (who did also like, throw him right into mortal perilously dangerous work w/little experience lol, mordecai happening to be immediately good at it or not) he could've, like mitzi could've, still wanted to be less beholden to this one particular person, and achieved that by just killing him lol....but even if their feelings Aligned on that matter, there's a few wrenches, like a) how would they realize this alignment. they're probably not having heart-to-hearts. they're both very close to atlas (at least professionally, for mordecai) and it would be very bold to go "would you happen to wanna kill this guy too" either to his wife or his right hand gun hand hook car door man.

there's also the fact that: viktor is Also someone very limited by his being beholden to atlas, pretty much positioned as close to atlas as mordecai since they were partners, and maybe has the added bonus of seeming marginally more Approachable than mordecai, plus that like, being thirteen years older and beat up on more, maybe if you were looking for an accomplice you'd figure that "idk do you want to retire" would also make him marginally more likely to get aboard murder plans if you're just trying to Find someone to help with that who you don't know would already want to. but he also disagrees with the idea that mitzi is particularly vulnerable / isn't herself at least somewhat dangerous, which seems like something he Might have any knowledge about beyond "idk i just get that vibe," like, did he get to be privy at all to whatever went down there. &/or led up to it.

what seems to be implied here, and makes more sense, is that there was some specific event that both mitzi and mordecai consider to have been unfortunate / undesired / things going wrong, and that involves mitzi enough for mordecai to blame her / her to refer to it being her fault, although she may not necessarily agree. (and does "perhaps i will / not to discount your culpability" imply mordecai Also considering himself culpable. whether that goes beyond "if anyone actually shot him, it's mordecai")

but while maybe there's not much love lost between these two, neither seems to like completely hate the other. civil enough one-on-one here, does seem like mordecai would be negatively affected if viktor had died, "very little interest in defending her" is not "no interest" nor "less than no interest and one can imagine mordecai is being both precise and accurate about what he means, and to exit this car chat by advising mitzi fix the conspicuous bulletholes is, in fact, helpful; he's probably not actually interested in / intending to personally dismantle lackadaisy or anything, and makes sense if mitzi's lashing out just a bit while they discuss sore topics (again, seems neither of them Wanted to have to kill atlas either, so what was the specific impetus....) and also they did just have Lackadaisy's Big Night involving foes that have guns while they (almost entirely) don't, thanks to mordecai's transference of those....which, like, did he just do that himself, or was it on order from marigold....either way, seems more like a nudge like Retire Bitch to everyone there, rather than an effort to sabotage them That perilously

there's also this compelling material

not interpreting Bonus Material as the strictest of canon, in some cases more obviously [not at all] than others, ft. generally more of a light tone / elevated humorousness....but also the not obviously complete jokes ones perhaps not Not canon contradictory, either. a) i want to see the shopping trip and b) fascinating how they are outright discussing that mutual Material Beholdenness to atlas. but a couple of other points arising

one being that i was racking my brain like "whaaaat are the usual Murder Mystery Motives" and then landing on "money" wherein like, besides the theory of "what if mitzi just wanted to inherit lackadaisy, while still Actually Married to atlas despite that maybe circling a drain / maybe atlas, being warned about something by asa, was going to get rid of lackadaisy from his inheritable estate," it also occurred to me like, mordecai originally got in hot water as a bookkeeper, which leads me to presume that he may have been embezzling (though maybe he was the fall guy for someone else's embezzlement, or maybe even some third or fourth things, not even involving embezzlement at all) which, if he was, was presumably for his family, whom he left money for (though he also maybe had to skip town too quickly to retrieve it anyways). and there we see that mordecai may have also been bookkeeping for lackadaisy, too, which i'm going to interpret as perfectly canon backstory. i guess this isn't exactly so different from previously mentioned ideas/elements like "both of these two are aware how beholden they are to this one specific guy, and would like to be less so (through embezzling??)" and "this could be about mitzi wanting to inherit lackadaisy much sooner than later (or not at all)" like, still wanting more of some resource atlas has sooner than later (or not at all....see questions of how much mitzi could have been legally considered to Directly possess while atlas was alive, such as, money) with the same kinds of questions raised of like, how would they realize they aligned on this. there's also a question of like, Would mordecai be moved to elevate the flow of funds here versus just whatever he's already paid, though he'd (maybe) already done that in that original bookkeeping gig for whatever reason. but that may have been more time sensitive and motivating if it was indeed at least in part for his family. which i suppose it could still be Now w/the theory of him just turning around and doing that again. wherein i suppose the idea here is just that they're both in on it, and maybe atlas finding out about it / suspecting too much is such a potential impetus like, whoops, well let's kill him :/ hypothetical 2 for 2 lack of embezzling stealth lol

the other more tangential idea here is just that like, well who knows, maybe mitzi and mordecai Did talk / have tête-à-têtes / an unlikely friendship or friendly acquaintanceship going....again that like, even as professional mostly enemies now and with no especial warmth evident between them, they also don't seem to hate each other even though they Could, even when it comes to this secret re: atlas's death that they're both unhappy with....a lot of writing this stuff out is just how it helps get ideas together lol and not lose entire threads / have derailed trains of thought. like maybe mordecai Would do something mostly for mitzi's sake, if evidently at all begrudgingly. and i suppose the other way round could be considered, i.e. if mitzi would begrudgingly commit to helping kill atlas for mordecai's sake, which still seems the less likely arrangement

oh wait Also i sort of rotated freckle & mordecai juxtaposition, as not being entirely dissimilar, see for one: their having the ideal time the one occasion they were in the same place, that is, completely declining to interact with each other at all lol....but i'm presuming the Mystery of freckle's secrets & backstory are a bit less deep than this more central atlas murder secret, and my interpreguess is that freckle accidentally(? probably.) killed someone(? or almost did. or whatever.) probably his dad(? family tragedies....his hat is still on the premises....) and rocky took the blame, which i'm guessing is out of just being the effective older sibling / pretty close. so i was just half wondering like, well what if mordecai killed someone too rather than being in shit over embezzling. maybe! and how this ties in is that i'm also considering, like, maybe any of this has to do with that Past that mordecai has. the arbogasts were saying atlas Settled Some Of mordecai's pursuing grievances....maybe Lackadaisy Embezzling could be about settling even more via financial payoffs. or something. just a potential troublesome loose thread

there's also the Mystery of "what's marigold bothered about. is what's changed there being this lawful prohibition agent you can't pay off and could somehow shut marigold down longer than ten minutes. and who's in charge of marigold" which is relevant b/c the mystery to me is that, where we leave off in the comic, mordecai is Very Motivated by "how does it figure in re: atlas's death" still and at this risktaking crossroads about it wherein he's clearly positioned at odds with marigold. what are the important things called into question. if marigold knew how atlas died, what would they even do about it. is the problem "well mordecai how do i know you won't also shoot Me, the mystery owner of marigold," seems like something he could expect to be more directly confronted about rather than [what, if marigold knows more about atlas's death and is Just displeased with mordecai about it, they're gonna either Not say anything about it or just try to get rid of mordecai by giving him this hands-on work where he Might be killed?] like, just kill him, And the fact we know the prohibition agent drago Was planning to meet with gracie grombach (and his lawyer, presumably the guy mordecai hatcheted to death just the other night at the start of things) for real, so there's actual reasons to assign him these killings....seems like it's more about things Missing to us as readers about Why they felt they had to begrudgingly kill atlas, what their further mystery connection is / what that impetus was....

oh and back to that [very tangential] tangent re: how i wouldn't have figured mordecai and mitzi interacted much But Maybe They Did, i also before now was assuming that, at least b/c mordecai's business was either in the most dangerous &/or most mathematical work at lackadaisy, he wouldn't have interacted much with ivy, who would've been all of around ten or so when he started there. the pilot specifically illustrates the results of his history with lackadaisy by having him entirely refrain from taking the shot when aiming at her, which i'm also sort of [bonus material]esquely interpreting as "not comic canon noncompliant," but at first i was like, well, like how viktor is protective of ivy / playing concerned patriarch as she puts it, and we know he has a daughter maybe around her age, we also know (from bonus material) that mordecai has younger sisters, including one feasibly also around ivy's age. or just that if you've known someone since they were like 9 or something, you're still reluctant to shoot them. but now i'm Noting that a) most everyone else who's been around awhile, mitzi, viktor, even rocky, has commented on mordecai, but ivy hasn't, which may be a bit Mysterious, and b) in her nightmare sequence moment, she sure not only has this Concept of him, but interacts with him in the dream

which might not mean anything really, but sure might imply she'd talked to him readily enough before, and does also serve as a bolstering / reminder of the idea they'd have interacted, especially since there's the entire factor of "if she was interacting with viktor, this would probably involve all the more mordecai adjacency" like well, interesting, noted, etc

oh and it has to also be mentioned how i'm supposing that also what the savoys are saying about mordecai and atlas, via indirectly framing it by discussing how maître carrefour Already Knows mordecai, can be taken as accurate / is not going to be contradicted. so there's how mordecai seems to resent being called the kind that turns on his partners on a dime (while the savoys Probably had a more uncomplicated departure from their earlier associations. though maybe if marigold knows mordecai was involved in atlas's death, he's Also been hired rather than having been shot, in a stroke of generosity)....and then there's the very broadly relevant description of how, once you take that one path laid out for you, you're Obliged To Him Only, Always, the other paths gone forever....the way pretty much everyone involved was in a place with especial vulnerabilities and limited options at the start, and taking one available path left them kind of trapped there / unwilling to get off of it b/c otherwise they're lost again. what might have motivated a couple of people to snuff out their would-be guiding light, when it's not as though they now act as though they'd clearly found some better one....there's also the fact that serafine characterizes their diable as having a hot temper, wonder if that application could be overlapped with atlas too....and it just handily circles around for rooting for this dream team w/mordecai & the savoys; whether the latter anticipate Not sticking around with marigold forever; the fact that it would be quite a surprise if they do assume that for the first time mordecai is, in fact, just having fun tonight; that mordecai sure may be lost in the dark in-between crossroads rn. rooting for them to stay friends no matter what one way or another. mordecai's as much of a wild card as anyone at this juncture really, keep being wild cards together

meanwhile mordecai not knowing what's going on but laying out some of the confusion is helpful but like, well then we definitely are confused too

i'll say too....really i have to imagine that there Is some bigger missing piece in the [Why] of mitzi & mordecai's murder secret that one could only guess at at best, but i think of this as an effort to kind of feel out the shape of What's Missing thusly, figuratively. and this has been an extensive "i dunno" without any epiphanies falling into place along the way but hey lol, laying it out....if marigold already knows about the How atlas died, namely, if mordecai specifically carried it out, you'd think that if nothing's come of that already, he's fine. or maybe he just wants to Know anyways, though it seems as or more risky to Not kill a guy he's supposed to as marigold's professional killer....he says he's not sure if he knows important Things he thought he knew, plural, unsurprising if there's more than one such important thing we definitely don't know, but suspecting that his concerns might have to do with the big mystery Why they killed atlas, which might also align with how mordecai's reacting to asa saying he warned atlas of [something/s] before his death, which sure doesn't otherwise necessarily imply he knows anything about the death itself. and then mitzi, who should also be in the know, is still asking "how does it figure in" re: connecting his death & if asa Did warn atlas of something....i sure don't know either, and you two have so much more info lol

and Does rushing water count as a clue? cue me trying to zoom in on an illustration to see if the silhouette of a figure reflected in mordecai's glasses could be atlas (don't think it was, or that it'd be a Key Clue dropped thusly anyways) like hell i dunno yeah maybe the rivers are relevant somehow in secret ways, that'd fit, but again only guesses. oh and hey, why would mitzi and mordecai have any kind of gun handoff? maybe as like, a burner revolver lol. i always end up going Shruggg at mysteries but i am enriched by rotating them anyways, especially when it's so tied to character here, and when they're not the only thing relevant to ongoing story so it's just intriguing rather than simply frustrating / stifling to not have already solved them / not the only point of interest. e.g. who Knows why mordecai's having his off the shits saturday but it's so fun that he is. good for him (ultimately) (probably) (hopefully)

[zhouxiangs]

(2/2)

And the clearest example is how he’s aware of Way’s feelings for him, has been for a while, but not only is he very dismissive of them (picture their hallway conversation when Way is clearly emotional and upset and for the first time actually addresses the elephant in the room (which takes a lot of courage), only for Babe to be all ‘yeah I know – ugh did you have to actually say it out loud?? - but, like…Charlie! Now let me caress your shoulder while I reassure you we’re still best buds!’ or the way he reacts like it’s all a bit tiresome whenever someone else brings it up) - Babe makes a conscious choice to NOT discuss it with Way, and more importantly to NOT draw any boundaries tween them. At best he’s just being extremely careless with Way’s feelings, especially when he jokes about them being bfs, but at worst, one could argue that his flirtatiousness is in fact an intentional manipulation of said feelings in order to keep Way where he wants him, which is at his beck and call. Babe doesn’t care to look any deeper because there’s nothing in it for him – as long as he has Way by his side, adoring him, he’s satisfied. Any awkward niggling thoughts about how actually this probably isn’t a healthy dynamic and this guy needs to get a life outside of me and in retrospect it’s a little strange that I know literally nothing about him get pushed aside in order to maintain that status quo.

Now, unlike half the characters in this show, I’m capable of self-reflection: I know that I could extend some of the sympathy I have for Way due to his shitty past (and present) to Babe, and speculate that Babe’s selfishness, his need to keep Way with him even if it’s detrimental to Way’s wellbeing, is merely a consequence of his own shitty past, his fear of being alone; that his inability to deal with this situation is a result of his own emotional maladjustment at Tony’s hands. That’s all very likely to be true. BUT! Babe has the whole internet ready to kill for him, so sorry but he doesn’t need me to do the same! What can I say - I feel obligated to stick up for the underdog, no matter how much of a fucked up wrong’un said underdog might be! (Of course there’s also the entirely plausible possibility that all this is just the fault of shoddy writing - as long as characters keep repeating that this really is a deep and wholesome and 100% reciprocated friendship then we the audience are duty-bound to believe it!)

In conclusion (if you got this far - apologies!): Way is a pathetic but tragic character who didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt (but does deserve lifelong therapy), whose motivations are much more complex and heart-wrenching than many seem able/willing to recognise/acknowledge. Babe is selfish and a shitty friend, but that is perhaps understandable given his experiences. SA (and mind-fucking your friend) is NEVER excusable, no matter how awful your life or how bad your daddy issues; neither is it EVER the fault of the victim. All of these things can be true at the same time, and it wouldn’t hurt to remember that.

Your Honour, I rest my case!

P. S. Internet, please don't be mad at me! Everyone's of course entitled to their own opinion (variety is the spice of life and all that!) and the remaining eps might totally destroy this interpretation, but at the end of the day, it's just a show, and I'm just a socially anxious contrarian overthinker with a penchant for well-acted morally dubious pretty boys!

i think i tend to be more positive/look for the more favourable explanation and so my opinion on the hallway conversation (which: hurty) is that babe is extreeeemely unprepared to talk about feelings. which is funny because his friendship with way reads as very intense to me, and they’re pretty dramatic with their words too? but it’s clear babe has no experience in this area, both talking about it and feeling it, and it shows precisely in how careless he is with way’s feelings. and again, the jokes about being bfs babe i will hunt you down you cannot be this dense! please! but also i don’t think he would see anything unhealthy in how powerful way’s attachment to him is because i think, up until charlie showed up, they both acted like that with each other. (my poor way…)

don’t apologise! this has taken me five million hours to reply to but it has been worth every. second. and honestly while as i’ve just said i don’t totally agree with your interpretation of babe and his actions and feelings towards way i do think you make great points and can see why you’re interpreting something in a different way than i do. also i love to read what people are thinking. meta is my favourite thing in the world, so unless it’s something horrifying to me i am going to enjoy it lol

[spider-man-2o99]

various fucked-up sm2099 (1992) canon divergence aus that people at marvel COULD be exploring instead of just inevitably rebooting e-928 for the umpteenth time every six years under the guise of “modernizing” 2099:

- literally Anything to do with aaron not dying in the aftermath of miguel’s Spidering   seriously. how WOULD miguel have dealt with having an unpredictable witness running around who not only saw his whole transformation, but also literally tried to kill him--? there’s a lot of room to throw a massive wrench in the early plot of sm2099; the change could be little, or it could send the whole thing off the rails in an entirely different direction!

- the Spidering Machine That Spiders People doesn’t blow up, but, for one reason or another, miguel still no longer has access to a full and uncorrupted file of his DNA anymore.   now he has to work triple-time to sabotage his previous life’s work to keep his little accident a one-time event, while at the same time struggling with his new powers that are getting harder and harder to keep secret. spider-man takes the heat off miguel, and gives him a plausible excuse for any mysterious property damage.

- i dunno, like. maybe actually using the fucking Vulture in an interesting way--   i mean the potential is RIGHT THERE--

- indulge my fanfictions. lean more into The Horrors   it is so casually implied and referenced, earlier on in sm2099, that:   there is always the nonzero potential that miguel could, within certain reason, spontaneously mutate further Spider-bits, and he plumb just doesn’t know whether he will or not at any given time;   alchemax legally owns the people they bring in for Unethical Experiments. that is canon in the text. kasey nash as a person likely does not exist anymore, after issues #4-5, in the eyes of the law;   if spider-man slips up even once, he could go from “vigilante” to “various antagonist’s lab rat” faster than you can say fwizz fwizz;   nueva york is an incredibly blatant surveillance state and the only reason that spider-man can mostly dodge Public Eye cameras Uptown is because george o’hara worked on developing and placing the ones that are around in miguel’s lifetime;   and i could go on and ON-- there are so many horrific implications in 2099 that are just completely disregarded without a second thought, and sm2099 is no exception. there’s so much goddamn Juice for storytelling there PLEASE dig into it a little put that beast (comic) in a situation (horror-focused arc).,,

- idk have the incredible hulk show up or something   he’s my friend i miss him   (really just about any immortal character could show up, but because i hate the maestro with a burning passion, i think it would be a fun “fuck you!” to future imperfect by having bruce banner still just be a quivering wet meow meow of a man with a deep and quiet righteous anger in his heart 100 years later instead of digivolving into some evil dictator fucker. plus i want to know joe fixit’s thoughts on the casino scene by 2099)

[the-pale-goddess]

Hi hildee!! Missing you here. I was feeling angsty and thought, What would be the reason for Ethan and Tiffany to divorce (cheating can't be the answer). I know it is not possible, but let's imagine a parallel universe where they did. What is the plausible reason behind it? And how will they navigate their lives since they work at the same place? Will they find someone else and move on, or at some point in the future, will they give their marriage a second chance?

Ahhh, loveliest Anon, I miss you too—horribly so! Can’t thank you enough for still thinking of me and E&T ❤️❤️❤️ 

It’s common knowledge that I live for angsty AUs, but I must admit that your ask inspired a disgustingly fluffy fic idea first ksdjksjdksj Your power, hello?! I couldn’t be more grateful because you helped me settle on a quite important canon HC I couldn’t figure out for the longest time! I wish I had more space to pursue this tooth-rotting fluff…Sadly, with my poor health and everything going on in my life, it seems impossible at the moment. 

Still, you’re waiting for angst galore, and I’m here to deliver…

I received a similar ask in the past, and I still stand by my answer—I can’t think of any circumstance that would break them up. Canonverse E&T go through a pretty solid character development; both of them worked on their personal issues and unresolved past traumas, finding inner wisdom and integrity so crucial in overcoming any obstacles that could endanger their relationship. 

However…You made me ruminate on the topic again. What if...They would somehow...Skip this long and difficult process? I can picture (1) particularly heart-wrenching scenario in which divorce would certainly happen 👀 As you can imagine, anything that had the power to dissolve their bond and force them to separate must be huge and tragic. 

I feel terrible even thinking about this entire AU…So buckle up! I’ll try to paint the scene and address your questions. Please, don’t hate me ksdjfkdsjfksj

TW: neonatal death

Tiffany was 38 when she got pregnant for the third time. Though it was a dangerous gamble, E&T put their trust into medicine and hoped for some luck. Unfortunately, the nightmare possibility became a horrifying reality: she developed preeclampsia. At first, the danger seemed contained; both the mom and the baby were closely monitored and taken care of. But her condition suddenly worsened, the severity of disease calling for a premature delivery.

While Tiffany was fighting for her life, Ethan had no choice but to make an impossible decision—a decision he reached with zero hesitation. He wouldn’t risk losing the love of his life for a 60% survival rate a baby born at 24 weeks would have. Despite receiving the best possible treatment in the NICU, the little one didn’t survive the night.  

While canonverse E&T would certainly navigate through such a traumatic event with unwavering mutual support and dedication to recovery, AU E&T would spiral into the darkness. Instead of making an effort to communicate properly and listen to each other, trying to understand those conflicting emotions raging inside them, they would focus on the misery, fuelled by those underlying personal issues they failed to address back when it was expected.

Gravely depressed, Tiffany was furious with Ethan’s decision. She thought he should have tried to save the baby no matter the cost. It was obvious that the loss she suffered clouded her judgment. If given the choice, she would have to agree with Ethan. She studied the case obsessively every day, went through all the possible outcomes, and the baby truly stood no chance. But she could be saved; she had to fight for her two other children—the ones that already had a life, the ones counting on her, trying to grasp what happened. That was perhaps the essence of her anguish: she had no choice, no say in this, no chance to meet her tiny daughter, to say goodbye. She couldn't fix it. Grief poisoned her mind in ways she could never predict.

Ethan was too fixated on his own sorrow and the absurdity of his wife’s resentment to actually see past her pain and empathize with her extremely fragile state. The fact that she was so willing to leave him and orphan their children for a slim chance of saving a fetus? He couldn’t understand her reasoning. He wouldn’t understand her reasoning. Yes, the loss affected him too, it affected all of them. But there was no other choice. She had to see that, right? 

The tragedy struck them in separate bolts, and they landed on different paths, too consumed by their own agony to meet half-way and reconcile. Inevitably, the connection between them began to dim and they grew apart. With no emotional support from Ethan, Tiffany became distant as she struggled to get better. Ethan fell back into the old patterns and put his emotional defense back up high. He started spending the majority of days at work, neglecting not only Tiffany, but also NJ and Letty.

Every attempt to patch things up led to cruel arguments and blame-shifting. Eventually, Tiffany recognized it all went too far and saw only one solution to their problems: she filed for divorce and full child custody. After a short yet intense custody battle, they reached an agreement that allowed Ethan to have the kids for the weekend. 

As soon as the divorce became final, Tiffany and the children moved to NYC (no surprise here, I guess kdjfksfjksfj). Ethan would visit them most of the times, but on occasion Tiffany would fly the kids to Boston and spend the weekend there, strolling through the city with old friends. 

NJ was 9, and Letty was 6 when the divorce happened, so I imagine it was unbearably tough for them to process, especially with all the mess happening prior. But they’re the kind of troublemakers that would 100% come up with a genius plan to Parent Trap E&T and bring them back together lol Would they be successful? Well…Only if both Tiffany and Ethan went to therapy and dealt with their inner problems first. Then, I presume, they would be able to have a heart-to-heart with each other and see if there are still some remnants of trust and compassion left in the ashes of their relationship. Despite all the bitterness and trauma, the love between E&T remains intact, so it all boils down to whether they would allow themselves to open up to the frightening idea of reconnection and the risk the second chance carries. 

Ooof…That was extremely painful to conjure up and felt even worse as I was writing it down ksdfjksjgksj Nevertheless! Thank you for the ask, dear, I'm sending you lots of love ❤️

[puddlejumpingwriter]

"The Nine Lives of Kylo"

~ A Reylo Holiday Textfic ~

Author's Note: Here's the first of the new chapters. I hope you enjoy, and, as always, thank you for reading!

~~~

PART VI

~~~

Rey sleeps well Tuesday night, feeling warm and safe in Ben’s guest room and occasionally having a cat curl up beside her. She doesn’t have to be at work until the late afternoon, so she decides to indulge and sleep in—at least until her phone vibrates.

~~~

It’s the only solution that seems plausible to Rey. She’ll give the excuse that Finn can’t meet her fake boyfriend because Ben’s working, and Finn will be too busy with his own boyfriend’s coming out to care Rey’s alone for the night.

~~~

Ben’s at the station, covering the morning shift. It was a quiet night, so he managed to catch up on a few hours of sleep in a bunk. Amazingly, he’s not tired, and he knows it’s because of what’s waiting for him at home.

~~~

Ben notices the clock on his phone. It’s still early, and he’s running out of ways to say no to her.

But he has one idea she may be willing to accept.

~~~

Ben has a number of things in mind he’d like to do with Rey, but he chooses the one he’s confident will be of interest to her.

~~~

Ben counts down the minutes until he can see Rey again, but a message from a friend distracts him from thoughts about his new roommate.

~~~

Ben suddenly realizes what his friend’s talking about—a secret Poe keeps from practically everyone.

~~~

One downed power line, and Ben’s home later than planned.

He doesn’t see Rey when he opens the front door, but the light fixture he planned to install is now lit up above the foyer.

“Perfect place to hang mistletoe,” Ben’s depraved mind thinks, as his hand finds the small plant in his pocket.

“You’re home!” Rey says from the top of the stairs. 

Ben watches her bright red sweater and skinny black jeans cling to her body as Rey hurries down the steps. There’s a smile on her face that warms Ben’s heart, and apparently Rey likes to hug when she’s happy.

It’s surprisingly natural for his arms to curl around her. Perhaps he squeezes just a little too tightly for just a little too long, but Rey doesn’t seem to mind. She waits a minute before pulling away, and Ben reluctantly lets her go.

Rey takes a step back, her cheeks a bit rosier than expected given the temperature inside. 

“If you’d been here sooner, I would’ve made you lunch,” she comments.

“I already ate,” Ben replies. “Besides we have limited cooking options around here with the stove not connected.”

“Oh—about that,” Rey says, “I hooked up the stove today.”

Ben’s eyebrow lifts. “You did?”

“I told you, Kylo doesn’t need much,” she says, pointing to the orange cat sleeping on the sofa in the living room. “And I guess I can’t stop myself from keeping busy.”

“Hence the working light above us.”

Rey beams at him. “You noticed!”

“Of course, I noticed,” he says. “That wiring has been giving me a heck of time.”

“Your fingers were probably too big for it,” she replies. Rey reaches for his hand and places her palm against his, illustrating the size difference. “See?”

His eyes linger on their joined hands before returning to her eyes. Once her gaze meets his, her cheeks turn a shade redder, and she pulls away from him.

Ben instantly regrets the separation, but he doesn’t reach for her. She isn’t his…yet.

“Any other repairs I should know about?” he asks, trying to end the awkward silence.

“The lights are working in the laundry room now, but there was nothing I could do about the pipes in the back.”

Ben knows what she’s talking about. There’s exposed wall near his bedroom where he’s trying to replace some older plumbing.

“That’s an ongoing project,” he admits. “I have it rigged so my shower works, but I have to be careful until I can get a plumber in here.”

“So that’s why you have wrenches all over the place back there?”

“Yeah. It’s functional but temporary.”

“That’s fair. I’ll leave that project for you then,” she says with another grin.

“Do you want to go grab coffee or something?” Ben asks.

Rey’s smile falters. “Sorry, but I can’t. I have to be at work soon.”

“Right,” he replies, as his eyes turn toward the window. The sky’s already turning dark, and he can’t hold back a question. “How late are you working tonight?”

“I’m covering the full evening shift,” she says. “I’ll close up the shop at ten.”

“You’re going to be on your own?”

“People are taking time off for the holidays, but I don’t mind. I’ve handled the shop on my own dozens of times.”

There’s a weight in his stomach that Ben can’t ignore. “Do you mind if I go with you?”

“Why?” Rey asks, a crease appearing on her forehead.

Thinking quickly, Ben offers the first excuse that comes to mind. “I littered the town with signs about Kylo the other night. I should probably take them down, and it might be easier to start near the store and work backwards.”

“Oh right,” Rey replies. “That makes sense.”

Ben doesn’t add that he plans to be at the store at 10:00 to make sure she gets to her car safely.

~~~

By Thursday, Ben’s friends want an update on his living arrangement.

~~~

The frigid air can’t drive the smile from Rey’s lips. She’s too amused by the overwhelmed look on Ben’s face.

“You’ve never picked out a tree before, have you?” she asks him.

“I’ve set them up before,” he answers. “Usually with my dad or uncles while mom or nonna supervised, but I’ve never chosen a tree before.”

The seriousness in his eyes strikes Rey, and she realizes Ben may need help with this.

“There’s no pressure here,” she tells him, placing a gloved hand on his arm. “You can’t pick the wrong tree.”

“Then how do you find the right one?”

“It probably varies from person to person, but I follow a very scientific approach.”

“Which is?” Ben asks.

Rey pulls him toward a tree. “First, I check to make sure the tree is Christmasy enough.”

He chuckles, and some of the stress leaves his face. “Is Christmasy an actual word?”

“Of course,” she answers. “It means filled with Christmas spirit.”

“Right,” he replies, before gesturing to the tree. “So is this one ‘Christmasy’ enough?”

“What do you think?”

“I guess so,” Ben says. “It looks tall enough, and I think the branches could hold lights and ornaments. But is that enough?”

“There are other tests.”

“As important as the Christmasy test?”

Rey laughs, before removing a glove. “There’s also the freshness test.”

Her fingers feel the needles of the tree, and Ben’s fingers follow her example.

“They don’t feel dry,” he comments. “Seems like there’s still some life to them. And the color—they’re a nice Christmasy green.”

“That’s my favorite part,” Rey says, her gaze fixed on Ben.

“What?” he asks, still focused on the tree.

“The green,” Rey replies. “I spent part of my childhood in a house out in the desert. Nothing grew. I remember being transferred to another house and finally seeing plants….I thought they were beautiful.”

Ben’s eyes turn toward her, and Rey can see something there. Worry, maybe? Need? Interest?

She’s seen the same look in his eyes before, but she isn’t sure how to read it. 

He’s a handsome, sweet firefighter who dates models. He can’t want her.

And even if he does, Ben doesn’t want commitment. Maybe he wants a quick fling with Rey, but he said he wasn’t interested in marriage or anything like that.

Ben wouldn’t want to build a home with her.

Rey quickly looks back to the tree, unable to bear the intensity in his eyes any longer.

“We should plant it,” Ben says, and Rey feels her brow furrow.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“After Christmas—when we’re ready to take the tree down—we should plant it in the backyard,” he explains.

“But you’re going to sell the house, aren’t you? Is there really a point in keeping the tree?”

“I don’t know,” Ben replies. “I’ve been thinking about keeping the house lately.”

“Really?”

“Kylo seems to like the place,” he says, and Rey turns back to look at him in time to see those devastating dimples. “So what other tree tests are there?” Ben asks.

“Just the last one—the lean test.”

“Which is?”

“You look directly at the tree, then lean to the left, then to the right, and then come back to the middle,” Rey says. “If the tree still feels right from all angles, you’ve found the one.”

“Okay,” Ben replies, a hint of doubt in his voice.

“Don’t discount it until you’ve tried it,” Rey says, before they both turn toward the tree.

Ben seems willing to try it, but he starts by leaning to the right first, while Rey leans toward the left.

Their bodies collide, and Rey tries to overcorrect. 

Ben’s hands are suddenly on her waist, catching her before she can stumble.

“I think I’ve found the one,” he whispers, looking at her rather than the tree.

Rey’s breath catches. It would be so easy to kiss him. She already knows how good his lips feel.

But she also knows she’d fall for this man…and it would hurt too much if he asked to keep their relationship casual. 

Rey pulls back from him, and Ben lets go. “We should have them ring the tree up for us—if this tree’s your choice,” she says.

“Yeah, it is,” he replies. “I plan to take good care of it.”

Rey can only nod as they make their way back to Ben’s truck.

~~~

Ben needs to figure out how to do this right.

It feels so good to be near Rey and to touch her, but he doesn’t want to push her too far—not when it seems like she may bolt at any second.

He can take his time with this. She’s worth it, and Ben’s going to make her see how much he cares for her.

He’ll plant her a garden in the backyard if that would make her happy.

Ben just needs to find out what she wants, and he’ll give it to her.

And he’s going to start by making her feel like she’s part of his life.

“So what do you do for Christmas Eve?” Ben asks when they’re back in his truck.

“My brother and I usually hang out together,” she replies.

“Any interest in Nonna Padme’s annual Christmas Eve party?”

“I imagine that’s just for your family, isn’t it?”

“No,” he replies. “Nonna’s invited fifty people before.”

“Oh,” Rey says, not sounding sold.

“Your brother would be welcome to join us too,” Ben adds, before remembering the reason for their first kiss. “It may help with the whole fake dating story.”

“But then you’d have to pretend I’m your girlfriend that night.”

“I think I could manage,” he says.

“I’m not sure my brother will be happy to meet you by Christmas Eve.”

“What?” Ben says, not understanding. “Oh no, did you tell him what happened earlier this week? Does he think I’m an asshole?”

Ben’s worried. He doesn’t want Rey’s only family member hating him already.

“No,” Rey says. “He doesn’t know about that. All he knows about this week is that I’m living with you now.”

“Oh,” he replies. “Is that what your brother’s upset about?”

Ben feels a sudden need to track this guy down and tell him that his intentions toward Rey are honorable—for the most part.

“No, he’s not upset with you yet, but I’m not sure how he’ll be after Saturday.”

“What’s Saturday?”

“My brother’s big pre-Christmas party,” Rey answers. “The one I told him I’d bring my fake boyfriend to. He may not be happy with you after you don’t show.”

“What? Why won’t I be there?”

“Do you actually want to be there? Pretending like we’re dating, and you acting like you’re happy I moved in with you.”

“I am happy you moved in with me.”

“To watch Kylo,” she corrects. “It’s not like we’re living and sleeping together.”

Ben wants to pull over and tell Rey he’d sleep with her whenever she wants him to.

But Ben keeps driving. He’s not sure how she’d respond to that—and he can’t screw this up. Rey means too much to him.

“I could go with you, though,” he offers. “I wouldn’t do anything to make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe I could just hold your hand all night?”

“And that wouldn’t bother you?”

“Not at all,” Ben answers honestly.

“But are you even free that night?” Rey asks.

“I’m not working Saturday,” he replies, thinking of who else could help cover any emergencies so he can make sure he has the entire night off.

But then he remembers Poe and the dinner he’s supposed to attend.

“Crap,” he says. “I promised Poe I’d help him that night.”

“That’s fine,” she says. “It may be a bit of a chaotic party this year anyway.”

“You could still come to Nonna Padme’s for Christmas Eve. It could be my way of apologizing to your brother.”

“We’ll see,” Rey replies. “But first we have to make it through today.”

“I thought we already did the hard part,” he says. “We picked out the tree.”

“Yes, but now we have to decorate it. How are your decorating skills?”

Christmas decorating was usually orchestrated by his mother in the Solo house, but Ben’s looking forward to sharing this activity just with Rey.

“I’ve been told I make a decent staircase,” he replies. “I think I can handle anything you want to put on the tree.”

“Is that a challenge?” she asks mischievously.

“Name it, and we’ll make it happen.”

~~~

Rey recommended shatterproof ornaments at the store, and her suggestion turns out to be for the best after the first ornament goes on the tree.

Kylo jumps up to swat the red bulb, and it’s bouncing on the floor the next second.

“Told you,” she says to Ben, as he returns to the living room with a bowl of popcorn in his hand.

“You were right about the ornaments, but do we really need this much popcorn to decorate the tree?” he asks.

“You have another bag in the microwave, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good—that should cover both our decorating and snacking needs.”

“Right,” he says, a dubious look in his eye.

“I know how to make garland. Now do you trust me or not?”

The microwave beeps in the kitchen behind them, and Ben doesn’t bother answering. He merely turns around.

Rey takes a moment to inspect their supplies. Looking at the bags strewn across the living room, her eyes land on something green on the floor. 

It’s a sprig of some kind of plant, and Rey picks it up, unable to help her curiosity.

With a closer look, she realizes it’s mistletoe.

Her mind jumps to the possibilities. This could give her an excuse to kiss him again without all the complications of a relationship.

He doesn’t want a real girlfriend, but maybe he’d at least be willing to kiss her like he did in the cafe under this plant.

While she hears Ben still working in the kitchen she moves to the front hall and grabs the step-stool she used yesterday.

In a matter of moments, the mistletoe hangs from the new light fixture.

Before Rey can second guess her decision, she hears Ben returning to the living room. She does the same, leaving the plant in place in case an opportunity arises.

~~~

They work on the tree until Rey decides it’s time for Christmas cookies. 

She wants Ben to have the full holiday experience—the kind she and her brother have always tried for since leaving the last foster home.

And Ben doesn’t stop smiling. 

Even when she drapes lights over his arms to keep them from tangling as she wraps the strand around the tree…

Even when she coats his nose in flour while they bake…

Even when he pulls Kylo out of the tree for the third time that night…

Ben’s always grinning, and Rey’s stomach is doing flips.

Why does this man have to be so perfect, but completely uninterested in a committed relationship?

And how long can she stay here knowing she’ll never have him?

“So the tree is decorated,” Ben says before reaching into the oven. “And the cookies are baked,” he adds putting the pan on the stovetop. “I think we managed to survive today.”

“We did,” Rey agrees.

“And you said you’d think about Nonna Padme’s Christmas Eve party if we survived today, so…?”

Rey takes a step closer, her eyes focused on the little trees and candy canes on the baking sheet. “Do you still want me to go?”

“Yes, Rey. I—”

Ben’s phone pings three times in a row, stopping whatever he was going to say. Rey looks at him, trying to decipher from his features what the messages say.

“There’s an accident on the interstate ramp, and a Christmas tree caught on fire on the other side of town,” Ben says. “They need backup.”

“Of course, you should—”

Ben’s hand grips hers, and Rey goes silent.

“I want to finish our conversation,” he says.

“We can talk when you get back.”

“It may be late,” Ben replies. “Do you want to grab breakfast?”

“I’m working the morning shift,” she says. “Lunch?”

He shakes his head. “I’m at the station most of the day tomorrow. Dinner?”

“It’s a date,” she says before taking a step back. “Not an actual date,” she corrects. “Just…”

“Two people who live together having dinner together?” Ben offers.

“Something like that,” Rey says before following him to the front door. 

He puts on his coat and then his eyes turn back to her. “Would you mind watering the tree—making sure it’s okay? I don’t want anything happening to you or Kylo while I’m gone.”

It catches her off guard, how protective he is. Kylo’s his cat, but the way Ben shows concern about her too—Rey’s not used to that from anyone but her brother and Rose.

“I’ll make sure we’re okay,” she says, before realizing where Ben’s standing.

Her eyes go to the light fixture above him, and Ben’s eyes follow.

“It’s mistletoe,” she explains, before standing on her toes and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. It’s tentative, but he doesn’t pull away, so she brushes her lips against his a second time—asking him through the contact if he wants more.

She would’ve stepped back and let that kiss be enough if he didn’t respond, but one strong hand finds her waist and another goes to the back of her neck.

Suddenly, Rey’s body is flush against Ben’s, and the kiss deepens. His tongue is in her mouth, and Rey can’t hold back soft, needy moans. Her fingers are in his hair, and he’s pulling her closer until there’s no space between them.

Is that a flashlight in his pocket? Rey can’t help but wonder as her belly rubs against something hard.

But then Ben’s cell phone pings again.

“Fuck,” he mutters, as he breaks the kiss, sounding breathless. “I have to go.”

“Right,” Rey replies, untangling herself from his grasp, just as Kylo curls around her ankles. She scoops up the cat to ensure she doesn’t reach for Ben again.

With the way he kisses, she’d probably beg Ben to stay when he needs to be elsewhere.

“Be safe,” she tells him. 

Ben takes a moment to turn back one last time, nuzzling against Kylo’s forehead and then leaving a brief kiss on Rey’s lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow night,” he whispers.

Rey nods, before watching him go. She carries Kylo into the living room and sits down on the sofa.

She’s not going to recover from that kiss anytime soon, and she doesn’t know if she wants to.

~~~

Hours later, Ben texts his best friend on the other side of town.

~~~

Ben doesn’t say he was the one close to begging. He spent the night aroused—by the sight of Rey in her holiday sweater, by her gentle caresses as they decorated, by the way she licked icing off her finger.

He would’ve done anything she asked—if they weren’t interrupted.

~~~

Ben’s determined to show Rey how good things can be between them.

What could possibly go wrong?

[magnuslightwoodbane]

(without you) i’d be gone with the wind

vashwood, 1.9k words, wolfwood inner monologue, pre-relationship, second person pov

read on ao3

You have so many names, and you like less than half of them. Wolfwood is the easiest - you wear that one like a coat, to cover up the rest of you, but you don’t mind it, because you chose to wear it. Nicholas was given to you as a child, and the Punisher affixed onto that like a chain around your neck, dragging you down to the level you belong to, only the solid ground of reality and life keeping you from being frozen in ice for all eternity. The ninth circle, betrayers of special relationships, Judas, Brutus, Satan, you.

You’ve been called Executioner, devil, preacher man, attack dog, Father, monster. Nick is fine. You don’t feel like a Nick, really. Nico belonged to Livio, but Vash said it once, in a dazed state of having just woken up, and it surprisingly didn’t feel like your heart was being wrenched out of your chest, so you let him and only him keep using it. You think that the two of them would have really liked each other, so that makes it okay, somehow.

You’re sat on the hood of an abandoned, broken down car with him, cigarette lit, with only sand stretching out for miles, no matter which way you look. Above, though, the Worms shine and shimmer in all their glory, and you try to pretend that they’re stars. Somewhere beyond them, past the actual stars, somewhere way out there, is Earth. You’ve never felt a connection to it, not really - you’ve barely got any human remaining left in you, you think - but the warm body next to you has you thinking. Vash came to Noman’s Land with the rest of the humans, all those years ago, sure, but the humans at least had a tangible origin point, a home to remember, to honour. Plants come from another fucking dimension . You can’t even begin to comprehend that, how it must be for Vash. And yeah, okay, there are other Plants here, swimming around in great big fuck-off vats, being used by humans to survive, but the humans probably don’t even realise they’re sentient (the thought maybe Knives had a point flashes briefly in your mind here, and you shake it off quickly). But the closest thing Vash has ever had to someone who gets him IS Millions fuckin’ Knives, and that’s just depressing.

The guy might have been cutting your cheques for a bit but fuck me, you couldn’t ever imagine holding him and calling him brother. Couldn't imagine still loving him so deeply the way Vash does, even after everything Knives put him through.

Anyway. Back to Vash.

(It always comes back to Vash with you, doesn’t it?)

Not that long ago, you couldn’t even imagine liking Vash as much as you do, so maybe you just needed to spend a little more time with Knives to really get it. But on the other hand, you would prefer to deepthroat a cactus, as chances are good you would be dealing with less of a prick.

Vash shifts his body on the hood of the rusty metal carcass, and crosses his legs next to you. You can feel the warmth of his leg brushing up against you, far too hot for any human flesh to be beneath those layers of fabric. It must be horribly lonely, being Vash. Wandering, trying to help, being met with fear and hatred at every turn. He must have travelled alone for so long.

And now, he travels with you.

You’d fled the last town you were in with him earlier this evening, Vash having of course stumbled his way into another situation, chased out to gunfire and shouting. You don’t even know what pissed them off so badly this time. Meryl and Milly stayed behind with their apparently innocent demeanours and plausible deniability; you work so well as a unit, the four of you, that you don’t even need to agree a plan of action with them when these things happen - you two run, they stay behind, stock up, and catch up. Plus, it gives the two of them some time alone. You don’t yet know if either has made a move yet, but Milly is so perceptive you don’t believe she hasn’t noticed the looks Meryl throws her way when she thinks no one else is looking. Maybe they already have begun something, and are just so very good at being subtle about it.

He shifts again, and you hear the almost imperceptible hiss escape from his teeth. Your head swivels so fast that you feel you would have broken your own neck had you moved any quicker. You watch as Vash reaches his arm up under his shirt, exposing his tummy - abdomen, Wolfwood, don’t be a child - and the scar tissue that patterns his flesh. His long fingers find their target, and pluck something out, before withdrawing. His shirt falls to cover the expanse of skin and you feel a weird sense of loss. You have no idea why this keeps happening.

You have no time to think too hard about it, though, as between Vash’s fingers is a bullet. A spent one. With blood all over it. That he’d just pulled out of his own body.

And Vash? Well, Vash… he laughs. He grins, sheepishly. “Missed that one, huh?”

You feel like you’re going to fucking explode with rage. You tamp it down before it can boil over, because it’s not Vash you’re actually angry at, more the people who shoot at him without care, whose first response to this angel of deliverance is violence.

Okay, you’re a little angry at Vash too. Stupid noble martyr hero complex motherfucker. “What. The. Fuck. Spikey.” You think you kept your voice level, but judging by Vash’s wince, you wouldn’t be surprised if you’d ended up growling it instead.

“Uh. Sorry?” he says. You seize the lapels of his coat and drag him towards you. He yelps in surprise.

“You idiot, are you hurt anywhere else? Why didn’t you say anything?! What the fuck even happened?! Why did you piss them off so badly they shot you? Why do you never do anything to stop- URGH!” You shove him away, not hard, but you need to calm yourself down, so you release him with some of the energy that had just been building up. You look away from him, and spit out the butt of the cigarette onto the sand below, trying to focus on actually breathing.

You’ve run through a couple of the breathing exercises you’d read about in that trashy little book, and just about stabilised your mood, before Vash speaks.

"I know you think I'm naive, sometimes."

He's right. You do. But you're not sure if it's because he actually is, or because you're so twisted and broken in the opposite way. Maybe it’s both.

He continues. "I think you forget how much older than you I am. I'm this way because I choose to be, because I choose to believe in humans and their capacity for love."

You snort. "Even when we're being run out of towns because they're shooting at you all the fucking time?"

"They shoot because they're scared of me. They're scared because of their love for their people. It doesn't matter that they're wrong about the threat being me, really.”

You groan at his self-flagellating goodness. “Well, you’re just a really, fuckin’, good  person then. Ain’t ya? Not like the rest of us.” Not like me, you don’t say. The words come out like shotgun blasts, but you don’t spit them with venom, because it’s not an insult, not to him. He is good personified, everything you’re not, wrapped up in a lanky, idiot-shaped package.

"Wolfwood, you believe in a soul, right? In an afterlife, in punishment for those who've done wrong?"

Where the fuck is this coming from? "It's… complicated," you say, because it is. You don't look at him, instead staring straight up at the sky. You think the eternal damnation is here and now for the whole of humanity, but you'll never say that out loud. It might break his heart, and you couldn't handle that, just like you can't handle thinking about why that troubles you.

"Well if you do, then you would have to be a good person too, Nico,” he says, softly, gently. “Because you would damn your own soul a hundred times over so other people don't have to. So I don't have to."

You feel your heart stop, the blood thundering in your ears. You don’t see it, but you can feel the movement, as he pulls up his legs and wraps his arm around them. He rests his head on his knees, but that fucking gaze of his doesn't shift. It burns into the side of your face; you can feel it, stripping you bare despite how desperately you try to rebuild the eroding walls. He smiles, softly; you hear it in his words.

"Nicholas, the Protector."

That makes you look at him. There’s not a single coherent thought in your mind, no biting remarks, and you can feel your mouth gape open, shaping out formless words, desperate to respond, to deny, to lash out, anything so you don’t have to accept this honour that you could never deserve. He chuckles, fucking chuckles, and he grins in that way he does, all teeth and eyes crinkling, and you want to kiss him so fucking bad-

Wait.

What?

Oh no. No no no no no no no-

Oh yes, says the irritating narrator that takes up residence in your mind every time you have a crisis, of which this is absolutely NOT. You want him, carnally of course, because you’re just awful like that, but worse. You want to be a better person, for him. Because of him. You have FEELINGS for your closest pal, Punisher.

Vash leans in while you freak out in your own mind, and your body fortunately has the capacity not to flinch as he gets closer. He rests his hand against your jaw, and cups it gently, thumb sweeping over your cheek and flesh warm where you didn’t realise you were getting cold. His metal hand comes to rest on your leg, heavy and comforting, just like his presence by your side is whether sleeping or fighting. He leans closer, so much closer, and his lips brush your cheek in a small, slow kiss. You feel your eyes slip closed as his breath ghosts your skin, and a whimper involuntarily let out. You have no idea what to do with such sheer tenderness.

He leans back, slightly, and you can hear the intake of breath before he speaks. Immediately, your mind runs through a thousand and one things he could say next, ranging anywhere from and between Psych! You suck actually to have my babies, Nicholas.

“Let’s go set up camp Nico, I am beat! ” is what he actually says. It’s so Vash. It’s perfect. He’s.. no, don’t go there yet. “Okay, Grandpa.” You regain the ability to speak as you hop down, but it only comes out as a hoarse whisper. Vash, to his credit, doesn’t react to this at all. He wiggles instead, like he’s doing a little dance, as he walks away to the spot you found earlier. “Respect your elders!” he sings, and you follow. You will always follow.

You have so many names, and you’ve just been given one more. This one you like. You hope one day that you can earn it, but for now, it is his.

[tathrin]

✏ 🐺 ⚠ 📚 please! :D

Answers for this LotR ask-game.

✏ rewrites: here's a pencil, which ONE thing in the novels/films are you changing?

Oh gods, just one? Ughhh that's hard. Okay, even stretching the definition of "one thing" to the utmost limit to be an entire character subplot...I'm still torn between Give Arwen An Actual Coherent Plotline (which I think would do the best thing to fix for the movies) and Show Legolas And Gimli's Friendship Arc (because that's at least something that just gets largely overlooked-and-glossed-over with the occasional flicker of lip-service paid to it at random rather than being an absolute cluster-fuck of incoherent half-assed thoughts that stumble all over themselves without any actual fucking resolution/explanation like the Arwen Stuff). Much as I would personally like to see the latter, I think if I were actually given the chance to change one thing, then it would be the Arwen Situation just because that's such a fucking MESS and it really needs fixed.

If we're going with literally just one single thing, then: Denethor burns to death on the pyre instead of running like three fucking miles to the end of the city what the fuck.

🐺 GROND GROND GROND: which of the battles is your favourite to watch? is there a combat scene in particular that you enjoy?

The Battle of Helm's Deep. As much as it bothers me that the elves are there without any plausible explanation, and especially that they just fucking disappear from the entire plot as soon as it's over, it also looks so damn good to watch! And my irritation is mitigated by the GRIN that I absolutely cannot stop from breaking out over my features every single time I hear "that is no orc-horn!" and see the look on Théoden's face when Haldir walks in (and the smug little grin on Legolas's face too because let's face it, he doesn't get to be a little shit in the movies the way he is in the books and that is a crime) as well as by the absolute fucking BEAUTY of that battle itself, not least of all the heart-wrenching scene where Haldir dies. THAT MUSIC OH MY FUCKING GODS AM I RIGHT!? Gods, even when you're watching it as critically as possible and picking-out the bits where cause/effect break-down and narrative order was shuffled in ways that don't make logistical sense and picking up on the minute little errors and inconsistencies...it's still so damn fucking good.

(btw I know I cannot be the only one who noticed, but since it seems that many of the little details that the early movie-fandom used to talk over obsessively in the 2000s have fallen out of common knowledge in more recent years...who else desperately wants to see the footage of the cut where it's Legolas who hauls Gimli out of the water after the wall is breached, rather than Aragorn? Because it's Legolas's hand that actually pulls him up, but then the footage cuts to Aragorn helping Gimli away...but it was Legolas whose hand pulls him out of the water, Legolas who yeeted himself down the stairs on an orc-shield to get to Gimli, so why don't we get to see the rest of that!?)

PJ, the Extended Editions are godsends don't get me wrong...but could we have ALL the deleted footage sometime? Pretty pretty please with elevensies on top?

⚠ fucking buckleberry ferry: from the clip of Dom and Billy discussing the one swear word they could theoretically get by censors, which line would you change?

I honestly don't know, because I don't know that that would actually do anything to add to the weight of things? But a very soft, "oh fuck" when Théoden sees the Nazgûl flying towards him, perhaps!

📚 boxset: how were you first introduced to Middle Earth?

My little brother actually read them first, and he made me read them. I think I was in eighth grade? Give or take a year or two.

Our mom had a collection of "classic novels" that she'd gotten from some kind of book-club some years back, so we had copies of all four books on the "fancy shelves" in the living room next to all the "real literature" and boring biographies and stuff, so I read nice pretty leatherbound editions first, with lovely maps and illustrations, and I think that added to the "weight" of the story in a way, because none of my other fantasy/sci-fi books ever merited such treatment so it made them feel special.

But it also made me leery of reading them tbh, because I'd spent my whole youth being told that the books I liked were crappy books that just Could Not Compare to the Worthwhile Literature that real readers liked (and which were, imo, usually shit). So I'd actually ignored LotR my whole life because it was on the Fancy Book Shelf so I assumed they were also crap. But my brother insisted that I suck-it-up and read them anyway, and that I had to read all of them and not just The Hobbit and call it a day (he knows what a stubborn, contrary person I am, and that it was A: going to take several thousand words for me to give them a fair chance and also B: the Hobbit alone wasn't going to blow me away) and I was reluctant, but he persisted and I did and oh boy was he right. Then like one or two years later, we found out they were making movies so of course we had to re-read them so we'd be ready and I think we both read them at least a dozen times between then and the release of Fellowship, to the point where mom eventually bought us each our own paperback copies so keep us from pestering each other lmao.

(The Silm took a while. I had to literally trap myself on a train freshman year of college with nothing else to do in order to get through that one the first time shhhh.)

[hedgehog-cynder]

flower boy review : fucking beautiful no complaints beyond rating on any scale. ill note some things about every song cause :3

foreword: holy shit what an opener. nothing lasts forever, nothing sticks together????? absolutely heart wrenching. amazing lyrics amazing everything THE ENDING SYNTHS?,$,%?"? breathtaking i swear to god

where this flower blooms: i would just like to say AGSGDGSUSHDHSGSHDJSHAHDGSJAGSGSJSGDD. instrumentals are beautiful tyler sounds beautiful frank sounds beautiful lyrics are chefs kiss what else is there left

sometimes...: i dont care if its one minute long I dont care its so fucking pretty and soft and sobbing material. on my first listen it jumpscared me because i thought it was BOYFRIEND. also the voice of the radio host is very comforting and helps me not dissociate

see you again: 20-20 20-20 vision cupid hit me cupid hit me with precision i wonder if u look both ways when u cross my mind i said i said im sick of sick of sick of sick of chasing ure the one thats always running through my daydreams i i can only see ur face when i close my eyes its so fucking beautiful kalis voice is heavenly this song makes me want to die

who dat boy: god everything about this one is just fucking beautiful the synths the lyrics the delivery asap sounds just so fucking good. everythings just. AGHDGDHSG and the ending feels like getting run over /pos

pothole: this is probably a song ill use to demonstrate tyler as an artist to whoevers interested in my autistic rambling cause. its one of the longer songs in the album its got stops n twists n turns the instrumental is to die for jadens voice is just so pretty. its one of The tyler songs to me. but dont take that last part seriously cause i say it about every song

garden shed: this one is the first song off flower boy ive ever listened to. it is just So. ITS JUST SO!!!!! estelles voice the slow pacing its such a good waltz. i would have to write out the whole lyrics because theres no one part of them i love more. its just so beautiful

boredom: everything about this song makes me feel like im going to die if i dont hold head in hands dramatically. its so vulnerable and heart breaking annas voice the harmonies the orchestrals everything just makes me want to sob. the end is especially devastating. another one im gonna use to explain tyler

i aint got time: god where to begin. whatever sample he used in there is fucking perfect for the job everythings so good and stimulating his delivery is flawless everything makes me wanna jump and kick and dance its all just beautiful. the ending is very silly i love it and also WOAHHHHHH. FUCK YEA GOOD FOR HIM

911 / mr lonely: just thinking about it is devastating. every time i listen to it i am mentally on the floor in fetal position. its so sorrowful and emotional while having the best motherfucking instrumentals and delivery like GOD i never doubted him but this man really does it all

droppin seeds: ok this is where my notes will fall a little flat. i cant take mentions of sex in any capacity seriously i am sorry. its a beautiful song though and i love it

november: oh god this one BREAKS me. its so emotional and open and i cant fucking get enough of it. and yet again it does so while being a FUCKING BANGER. the last verse always hits like a sack of wet mice and oh is it really bitch u know the dealy really hilly willy tilly silly hold that billy how i milly rock is soon going to become my newest vocal stim and i have no choice but to accept it

glitter: god what a devastating sad song. it really captures what its talking about. how joyful and cute and loving it is AND THEN the lowered pitch & tempo please dont save me the repetition of how ya feel? the kinda second half is all so much like being stuck in heartbreak i love it. it makes me feel like im falling from heaven. plausibly crowley style

enjoy right now, today: honestly with the sad note glitter ends on this one sounds so bright in comparison its fucking hilarious. i honestly didnt expect it to be almost fully instrumental but holy shit if anything it just shows how good he is even without lyrics. i have also never heard a more work at a pizza place song in my LIFE and its honestly making me wanna redownload roblox just cause i feel nostalgic. FUCK what a good closer

yeah thats it im done <3

[st-just]

We're ust weighing the odds of "Avery dies" (makes a lot of people angry for bury your gays reasons, especially after Ward) vs the odds of "Avery uses Mother Mari's free healthcare to survive but is changed as a result in a way that will make her relationship with an Innocent Nora nigh impossible" (heart wrenching, will possibly make Verona jealous)

We know which side we come down on

So that's probably still not going to happen imo (my bet is on some trickery with Snowdrop and glamor), but it IS much more plausible, and still terrifying!

[lanasblood]

I am finally heeere 🎉 and the first thing I need to say is: this is soooo cute, fleurr!!! we are a metkayina babe and tsireya is our best friend? the conditions are already perfect. I will try annotating with this fic even if it isn't my usual style, let's see how it goes 🥴

You can't help but rake your eyes over their figures, taking in their broad chests, toned muscles,

uhhhh we're checking him out already? nice!! ngl I'd probably drool.

There's a small smile lingering upon his lips, both warm and welcoming, before sending you a subtle nod.

love at first sight. he fell for us!!!!!! I know it. I was there 😏

and when they were as handsome as this particular Na'vi was, what were you to do other than feel absolutely terrified?

plausible. I mean he is practically a bit too handsome, it's only normal to be intimidated by that.

Neither Ao'nung nor Roxto seemingly noticed your sudden change in demeanour, possibly too used to it happening and too busy continuing to taunt the family with their glaring eyes and smirking lips, but Tsireya had.

those two are such wanna-be-bullies its comical, and I'm laughing at the thought of how they're checking out the sully's, glaring eyes+smirking lips, yes I can picture it perfectly.

She had seen the two of you minimally interact when they arrived, and despite you acting as you normally would even with people you've known your whole life, she felt like there was something there

tsireya is a real one because she just knows us and notices every small change; I know she ships us so hard, and hey you never know, double mating ceremony with my bestie? she and lo'ak, we and neteyam.. count me in.

"Neteyam," he greets, introducing himself as he signs an I see you, eyes lingering on your own like he only really meant their meaning to you. 

i’m blushing like a slut rn oh neteyam please don't stop flirting with us so openly 😏😍

Neteyam, you thought, what a beautiful name.

beautful name, beautiful body, beautiful face, beautiful soul, basically the word beautiful was invented after he was born. facts.

Lo'ak's own gaze seemed to trail after Tsireya like some sort of lovesick-puppy

that’s him. lovesick-puppy. that’s lo’ak. 🥺

You find yourself joining in on her exhilaration, one hand coming up to cover your mouth as your eyes crinkled in happiness. Small shouts of I did it! I did it! travel to your perked up ears, clapping softly when she looks over to you for approval, heart wrenching lovingly at her cheerfulness. 

tuk :(( she’s so baby i love her so so so much. no because why did I smile like a proud mom 😭

That means either he would've stumbled upon you too many times to count by accident, or he was seeking you out. 

the latter!!!!!! neteyam were you stalking us babyboy??? 😌

"Well," he starts, his voice somehow both teasing and hesitant, comforting and anxious, "is there a chance that you might get along with me?

gosh, I screamed, he is so gentleman, show me a person who wouldn't immediately fall in love with him, I dare you. It's impossible ✨

With a shake of his head and chuckling to himself in endearment, he slowly swam over to the two of you, undeniable intrigue festering within the pit of his stomach every time he thought of you.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 😍🤧 I cannot wait to see the love unfold, because I know for a fact he's crushing so hard on us!!! my sunflower, I have absolutely no idea why you don't like this fic as much as the other ones. "cringy & slightly eugh" where bitch where???!! it's very very very cute. I cannot relate as much with shy readers but they are so wholesome, always warming my heart (is it my inner protective instincts? idk) I really want to know how they will confess to each other in the following chapters, and your writing is amazing as always, ily <33333

sun and moon ; neteyam sully

pairing ; neteyam sully x fem!reader

synopsis ; na'vi from the omatikaya clan had arrived in your home, seeking a sanctuary away from the war. who would've known that one of them would be the one to gradually bring you out of your shell?

word count ; 4k

themes ; fluff

warnings ; shy reader, mentions of anxiety & feeling scared of interactions (me), use of y/n

author's note ; THIS IS SO BAD & CORNY WTH!! i didn't bother watching the movie when writing this so the scenes are based off what i can remember :) first time writing from a metkayina background, this was so fun!! thank u for the request <33

next part

day and night series masterlist main masterlist request a fic!

Horns blaring, the sound piercing through your ear drums, your head whipped to the side, eyes scanning across the beautiful horizon for the meaning of such an unexpected sound. Placed delicately upon your Ilu with Tsireya next to you, the two of you shared a confused glance, before your friend's expression suddenly turned curious, her eagerness taking over both her mind and her actions.

The two of you were spending time out in the water together, venturing this way and that as you allowed the water to take you wherever it desired, allowing the peacefulness of the view surrounding you to consume you whole. This was something you found doing with Tsireya as much as you could, whenever either of you found the time - although, it was more Tsireya's schedule you were working around. As the daughter to the Olo'eyktan and Tsahik, it was Tsireya's sole duty to the clan to train up on the ways of a leader, for one day it would be her taking up the mantel. Training was something your friend loved endlessly, finding happiness in aiding her people to the best of her ability, but, in turn, it meant she saw you less than you originally used to.

Growing up, you had only really known Tsireya. She was your best friend, the light of your life, the solace to your anxious heart, and not a day goes by where you don't thank the Great Mother for blessing you with such a lovely friendship. Both of your father's were fairly close, too, having been warriors who trained and fought side by side in their youth, before passing it down onto their daughters, but your relationships would always have their differences.

You and Tsireya managed to balance one another out beautifully, like you were two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together as one. Sure, the two of you would be considered somewhat shy to the rest of the clan, but when comparing you together, there was no argument about whose shyness was worse. As future Tsahik, a younger version of Tsireya was forced to put her timid attitude aside and show herself off as she needs to be, excelling in the confidence that was expected of her, but not being too cocky about it.

You, on the other hand, continued to pull yourself further and further away.

More often than not, you found yourself hiding behind others, wishing to bask in their shadows rather than create your own, allowing others to talk louder than you, sticking to your thoughts within your own mind. There wasn't much you wanted to say anyway - you observed everything around you more than anything, taking in every little detail and making note of it, never bothering to speak up on it. Continuously, your father had tried his very best to push you out into the open, to grow your confidence up more and allow yourself to shine in the way he felt you were always meant to, but, in the end, nothing ever seemed to work. The most confident you'd arguably ever felt was when you were either alone with your parents, or with Tsireya. Something about bigger groups set you on edge, finding yourself curling inwards and wishing to melt into the shadows so no was able to take notice of you.

So, when the two of you finally emerged from the now raucous waters, Tsireya just a few paces in front of you like she always was, allowing you to follow her guide with ease, you spotted newcomers, something that definitely didn't happen often. From your thoughts, you guessed that they were Na'vi of the forest, a family of six sheepishly looking around themselves as every eye pierced into them. The sight had your heart picking up in its speed.

Staying close to Tsireya's side, the two of you dismounted your Ilu's, watching as they swam off to relieve themselves of the journey they previously embarked on, walking up past the water's edge and becoming part of the growing crowd. You ended up standing with Ao'nung and Rotxo, too, their eyes glaring over to the forest people, no doubt already disgusted by their differences in appearance. The two boys were ones you shared time with once in a while, but they were too loud and boisterous for your taste, rather staying with the former's sister in the calm and quiet. They were nice enough to you, though, which you greatly appreciated, but they never exactly sought you out, rather just having you tag along with Tsireya and beginning to expect it. Now, it'd just be weird if you weren't with the female.

Their words of teasing in regards to their tails and their fingers had your interest peeked, not having noticed much other than their darker shade of blue, beforehand. Jake Sully - the father of the family; Toruk Makto - was once a known soldier who became an Avatar, before falling in love with his new life and pledging himself as a full Na'vi. That's why some of them looked different, why some of them had extra fingers.

You can't help but rake your eyes over their figures, taking in their broad chests, toned muscles, weird clothing... so much so, when your gaze moved upwards, you hadn't noticed one in particular had caught your snooping. Eyes meeting as one, you quickly guessed that he was the eldest in the family, with the way he held himself high and protective for those he cared about. There's a small smile lingering upon his lips, both warm and welcoming, before sending you a subtle nod. Finally coming out of your reverie, you shy away, feet moving yourself backwards and consequently hiding behind the three teens next to you, head hanging low and eyes grazing along the floor, your heart surely about to burst from your chest. You just weren't good with people - eye contact was something you'd always struggled with, even with those you were comfortable around - and when they were as handsome as this particular Na'vi was, what were you to do other than feel absolutely terrified?

Neither Ao'nung nor Roxto seemingly noticed your sudden change in demeanour, possibly too used to it happening and too busy continuing to taunt the family with their glaring eyes and smirking lips, but Tsireya had.

Bringing your head back up after an eventual short while, your eyes moved sheepishly when Tonowari claimed that both of his children and their friends would help train the forest family's own children in the ways of the water, in the ways of the Metkayina. As the Olo'eyktan gestured over to the four of you huddled close together, your gaze flickered worriedly over to your own father, who stood near his chief, presenting himself as tall and affirmative. Meeting his stare, you found he was already looking at you, no doubt knowing how your nerves would've spiked at the idea of such a proposition. Your head tilted to the side, ears falling flat as you found your expression to be one of begging, hoping that your father would allow you the relief of not forcing you outside your comfort zone. But, he only nodded at you, eyes soft and smile small in reassurance, repeatedly telling himself that this would be good for you, maybe this would be the thing that could finally push you out there.

Looking back to the appreciative family, your eyes found the eldest son's once again, heart beating at speeds you were sure were considered dangerous, already thinking to yourself that you weren't so sure.

Your nerves had only sky-rocketed since the moment your father had pushed you towards a situation you wanted no part in. The idea of training the newcomers was something that absolutely terrified you, just for the fact that you'd actually have to interact with them. You didn't know what they were like - were they nice, were they loud, would they even appreciate the help, or would they want nothing to do with you because of your differences?

It felt as though your thoughts were beginning to consume you whole until you were nothing but a shivering, anxious mess. One possible outcome sprung up, before being followed by another, and your fragile heart simply couldn't take it anymore.

Such an impression brought you so close to finding your father, begging and pleading with him to allow you this one chance to run away into the water and to never emerge again. There were two reasons why you'd never gotten that far with your plans - the first being that you knew your father would never give in to you, even when he has done in the past. You were your parent's only child, meaning from a very young age you had the two of them wrapped tightly around your finger, but you never took it too far. On a normal day, your father might've allowed you the solace of a calming heart, but it was obvious already that day wouldn't be today. The second reasoning was that before you could even make it several steps in the direction of your family marui, Tsireya had found you and steered you in the opposite direction.

For once in your life, you felt like screaming at your only true friend.

Instantly, Tsireya noticed your nervous expression - the way your ears lay flat against your head, your eyes flickering from one spot of the beach to the other, fingers absentmindedly playing with one another to distract your mind away from your impending doom. But, with your arms linked together, she gave you a gentle, soothing pat, reassuring you almost immediately that everything would okay, that nothing would go wrong.

"They seem nice enough," Tsireya continued, leading the two of you to where you'd eventually meet up with them. You supposed she was right - from what you had seen from them the day before at their unexpected arrival, the family seemed kind, stating that they were done with war and battle, only hoping to live out the rest of their days together in bliss and perfection.

Granted, you hadn't really interacted with them, the same with Tsireya, Ao'nung and Rotxo, so you truly had no idea what they'd be like. It seemed like you could only hope for the best.

Your thoughts clouding your mind as they always did like a ritual, your face held a far-off expression, eyes looking off into the distance, cloudy and not really present. At your silence, Tsireya looked up at you with loving eyes, taking noticing of your distance, and already understanding what was happening in your mind just from the look. This was something that seemed to happen more often than not - you were more focused within your own thoughts than with the outside world, so Tsireya was used to this. But, something else clawed at her - the look shared between yourself and the eldest son Jake Sully. She had seen the two of you minimally interact when they arrived, and despite you acting as you normally would even with people you've known your whole life, she felt like there was something there...

"Plus," she started, a teasing lilt within her smile, "do you not want to see that boy again?"

Despite your overbearing shy nature, your head shot up, eyes wide, as soon as those particular words left your friend's mouth. Trying to steel your expression, you attempted to calm your features, looking back down at the sand as your feet continued to follow Tsireya. "What boy?"

She laughs - not mockingly, but almost endearingly, like she knows you know exactly what she means, but your terror in such a circumstance was taking over any other means possible. "The boy who smiled at you..." Head continuing to hang low, you felt a soft nudge against your side as your friend attempted to get something out of you. Alas, all you did was stay completely silent, no doubt if you were to speak even the barest of words, they'd come out shaking and broken. "He seemed to like you." Her words weren't doing anything to sway you, she could see, so with a thoughtful sigh, she tried a different direction. "Y/n, I know this is scary for you, but you never know what might happen until you try..." she spoke softly, timidly, like if her words were even half a decibel louder, they'd have frightened you off. She knew she had to be tender with you, always.

At her final words, you find your head subconsciously moving up, eyes meeting one another as they soften in both adoration and appreciation. Her smile is full of so much fondness and endearment, it almost has your heart aching in pleasure. It felt as though Tsireya was always going out of her way to ensure that you were the most comfortable you could be, never wanting to see you scared and simpering. You truly couldn't have asked for a better friend.

So, swallowing deeply as you prepared yourself for what was soon coming up, you sent Tsireya a forced smile along with a subtle nod of your head, attempting to steel your nerves. Still, you could feel your erratically beating heart not once giving up in its torment.

In the near distance, just in front of the horizon as the sun elevated itself within the pale sky, you could see everyone already there - four Sully kids, and Ao'nung and Rotxo, too. The idea of yourself and Tsireya being the last ones to turn up had your stomach roiling is dissatisfaction, but there was nothing you could do about it now.

With a gentle squeeze of compassion once the two of you had made it to the rest of the group, Tsireya unlinked your arms together, before moving closer to them. "Hi," she spoke up, tone airy and lofty, welcoming, "I am Tsireya, and this is my friend y/n."

Even when you shrunk slightly in on yourself, biting your lips in order to feel the pain rather than your racing heart, the shadows of others beginning to envelop you, he's still able to find you. "Neteyam," he greets, introducing himself as he signs an I see you, eyes lingering on your own like he only really meant their meaning to you. Before you can collapse, he gestures next to him, introducing his siblings, too - Kiri, Lo'ak and Tuk.

Neteyam, you thought, what a beautiful name.

You eyes trail over each of them in turn, finding them somehow startlingly different from one another. Lo'ak's own gaze seemed to trail after Tsireya like some sort of lovesick-puppy, the scene causing a small smile to grace your lips; Kiri's attention was here, there and everywhere, her mind shooting from one idea to the next as she took everything in around her; and Tuk grasped eagerly at Neteyam's hand, excitedly bouncing atop her feet, not able to wait a second longer before they got started on their Metkayina training.

Once introductions are in order, each of you signing back to them in greeting (although, you were sure there was some form of malice behind Ao'nung's, which you thought was just simply childish), the group find themselves bobbing along to the current in the cooling waters, several Ilu's spotted around them, waiting for their rider in small anticipation.

The group had been divided out - Ao'nung and Rotxo would be teaching Kiri, Tsireya with Lo'ak, and yourself would be taking care of both Neteyam and Tuk, something you don't doubt was Tsireya's idea - you'd make sure to scorn her for it afterwards. The awaiting Ilu stays calm in your hands as you continuously send soothing strokes down the base of its head, your words slow and understanding, not wanting to overwhelm the two of them with information as they intently listen, Tuk clinging to her brother's neck. "This is an Ilu," you start, eyes trained solely on the creature itself, too scared that if you dared to look over at Neteyam, you'd crash and crumble. "You must learn to tame one in order to stay here, to become Metkayina. It should not be too hard as long as you keep your grip tight - the force of the water can change quickly, so you always need to be prepared."

This Ilu was much smaller in size, only young, so you suggested it would be better for Tuk to try her out. As you gently gestured her over, Neteyam moved the two of them until they were beside the creature, lifting her up and ensuring she was safely on top. Moving back, you take his spot, hands reaching out - one against her back soothingly, and the other grasping along the Ilu's queue.

"Here," you speak softly, guiding the queue up closer, further gesturing for the two of them to bond. Continuously, you ensure to allow yourself to come across as calm and prepared, despite knowing Neteyam is close behind you, causing all sorts of emotions to pass through you - you know that something like bonding with a creature can be nerve-wracking, remembering your own experience very well, and the fact that they were expected to do well due to their ages surely would've made the pressure worse. If those younger than them could do it, why couldn't they?

With their queues finally connected, a small, excited giggle escapes from her lips at the sudden sensation fluttering through her. You can't help the adoring smile on your own features at the sight, your hand stopping in its soothing movements along her back as you pulled away. "Now think go, but be gentle - you do not want to go too fast."

Tuk takes a couple of seconds to herself, smile big and bright as she comfortably fidgets against the Ilu, before seemingly doing so as the creature takes off. Gaze not once faltering from her near-distancing figure, you watched as her Ilu eventually took her under the water for a few seconds, the smile dropping from your face as panic soon started to cleave within you. Before you could even think about swimming under and checking up on her, both Tuk and her Ilu popped up from the surface, her shrill, excited giggles piercing through the air as she exclaimed animatedly, floating beside the creature.

You find yourself joining in on her exhilaration, one hand coming up to cover your mouth as your eyes crinkled in happiness. Small shouts of I did it! I did it! travel to your perked up ears, clapping softly when she looks over to you for approval, heart wrenching lovingly at her cheerfulness.

In your sudden change of emotions, it seemed that you had completely forgotten about the other Na'vi presence behind you - the one who could take your breath away with just a single look. It isn't until you feel the water gently ripple against your waist when you remember of his presence, heart stopping in anticipation. Before you can stop yourself or realise what you're truly doing, you turn your head, coming face to face with the male, directly next to you as he wears a proud smile directed at his youngest sister, then bringing his gaze down to you. "You are a good teacher," he compliments, his smile not once faltering.

There's no denying that your cheeks are starting to blush at his words - you can feel the heat scorching against your skin, no doubt colouring it a darker shade. Your shyness that had started to disappear when teaching Tuk had forced its way back to the forefront, your demeanour changing as you always seemed to struggle receiving compliments, no matter who is was from. "Thank you," your voice is barely audible when you try and speak, unsure of what else to say when your gaze lies back down against the ocean in an attempt to hide away.

But, even if he can sense your struggle, he doesn't give up. His gaze is still searing into you - you can feel it against every portion of skin his eyes land on - but he doesn't wish to make you uncomfortable. Perhaps he can understand your shyness, you wonder, because both his words and actions only seem to want to goad you out of your shell. (You're too scared to admit that it might be working.) "You are friends with Tsireya, yes?"

His question allows you the opportunity of a small form of escape - looking up, your attention focuses on said girl in the near distance as she attempts to teach Lo'ak. It's obvious even from where you are that they're getting along from their lingering touches and elated smiles. "Yes," you nod.

That's all you say to his question, feeling guilty for your one-word answers, but you're unsure with what else to say. It was something you'd always found yourself struggling with - trying to hold a conversation with someone was difficult if they didn't know you as well as your parents or Tsireya. You just had to hope they didn't think you rude for it.

And, it was obvious that Neteyam didn't think of you such a way, for his questions continued. "But, not with Ao'nung or Rotxo?" However, even despite the giddiness that he didn't think you ill-mannered with your lack of words, you felt confused, too, because how had he noticed such a fact? Slowly, your gaze shifts back over to his somewhat towering figure, your eyes slightly narrowed, naturally giving away what you were thinking. He hurries to explain himself when he spots the puzzlement. "You only seem to be with Tsireya whenever I see you."

The words I see you linger repeatedly within the depths of your mind, even when you know for definite he didn't mean it in that way. You can't help yourself - being the way that you are, you thought it was practically impossible for you to ever get a mate. And, for the longest time, you told yourself you were okay with that, despite the chastising looks from your parents who thought otherwise. But, as you grew older, watching other Na'vi around you find their soulmates, it only had your heart aching for more.

And, despite only having met Neteyam just a few days ago, the thought wouldn't leave your brainwaves, lingering like an omen... but this one felt good. The way he had noticed such a circumstance of you only really hanging around wherever Tsireya was must have been somewhat difficult, considering the two of you always found a secluded spot away from the busyness of the surrounding clan. That means either he would've stumbled upon you too many times to count by accident, or he was seeking you out. The latter option felt better, but you didn't want to get your hopes up.

Upon finally realising you've taken too long to give him some semblance of an answer, too lost within your mind, you swallow, shrugging sheepishly. "I've only ever really gotten on with Tsireya..." you admit embarrassingly, eyes downcast once more.

There's a silence that envelops itself between the two of you, only hearing the near-distance sounds of splashing water and happy yells and teasing laughter as the others continue to train on their own Ilu's. That's when Neteyam speaks up. "Well," he starts, his voice somehow both teasing and hesitant, comforting and anxious, "is there a chance that you might get along with me?

Sheepishness be damned, your head shot up so suddenly, you were shocked you didn't experience whiplash as soon as the words left his parted mouth, a smirk evident upon his lips. Your eyes were imploring in on his own, trying to spot where the joke was, but you couldn't find any evidence of such a thing. His amusement has you feeling unsteady, dizzy, and before you can really comprehend what you're doing, there's a small, loving smile on your lips, too. It's barely there, but Neteyam's eyes flicker down to spot it, and it has his own heart racing in its cage.

Coming back to your senses, you turn forwards, swimming away and getting closer to Tuk to train her again without saying another word. From the distance, Neteyam continues to watch you caress the Ilu, clapping his younger sister on the back before helping her back up so she could have another go.

With a shake of his head and chuckling to himself in endearment, he slowly swam over to the two of you, undeniable intrigue festering within the pit of his stomach every time he thought of you.

taglist ;

@bakugouswaif @andraga12 @draiochtwrites @teyums​ @neteyamslovrr @tinkerbelle05 @netesanrr @lanasblood

[lepusrufus]

I can't stop thinking about the SAR au asdfghjkl; you really managed to get me 197% invested with that drabble, holy shit!!! The tension? The way it starts out normal, but the little oddities pile up until you're left questioning just about everything? Mwah! 11/10 💕💕💕

The more I think about it, the more curious I get! And it's like. stairs?? but they're spooky. Ya managed to make stairs spooky (I feel like that's impressive)!

So fucking good, my dude. Scent trail suddenly stopping just shy of a freaky set of stairs that don't go anywhere? Something about them drawing Cait closer? Vi saying /never/ to go up them? And then the kid is found somewhere up high, with no way down, and a grown ass adult needs climbing gear to get to them?? magic freaky stairs. Love it.

As I mentioned before, this whole AU is based on a fairly popular series of short horror stories and an excuse for me to mess around with this specific kind of horror. So if you want more of this I definitely recc checking them out on reddit or youtube if you're the listening type like me)

Now with that being said... well congrats now there's a part two to Annie's rescue. Complete with more weirdness and lesbians lesbianing so enjoy :V

////

By the time they reached their other team members, Jinx was already halfway up the cliff. Gangly limbs moving with far more grace than they did in any other situation, grabbing onto the rock and fixing the rope attached to her harness in swift practiced movements.

She only spared a glance downward when the two arrived, giving her sister a mock salute. She was too far up to be heard anyways. Ekko regarded them similarly, with a nod from where he was standing with Benzo, making sure things went smoothly. He noticed the frown ever present on Caitlyn's face, never having really left, and remembered the urgency she had talked over the radio with.

"Found anything out there?" he asked, eyeing both women one after the other.

"No."

It was Vi the one to speak up, getting that single word out with finality in her tone while not taking her eyes off her sister. Ekko didn't miss the way Caitlyn’s eyes snapped to her, frown deepening as she was about to say something but thought better of it. She shook her head instead and busied her hands with fixing the already well fitted harness on her dog.

Ekko didn't press further either.

A few dozen meters above, Jinx finally hauled her body over the last remaining ledge that separated her from the small girl. "Hey there," she said, a smile that she hoped was reassuring on her face while she focused on finding a sturdy spot to attach the rope. She found the perfect tight crevice for it, testing it with a few forceful tugs and nodding her contentment when it wouldn't budge.

When she took in the girl -Annie, she remembered- she was glad to see she didn't seem particularly frightened, if not a bit shaken. Most children in that situation would be small trembling messes and always rather difficult to rescue. Scratch that, adults were just as difficult if not worse more often than not, but at least she could give them a few choice words to make them snap out of it without adding to some long lasting trauma.

She would inquire later on why exactly she wasn't scared, but if it made her job easier in the moment then she wasn't complaining.

Jinx crouched down in front of Annie, taking out the extra harness she brought with her.

"Let's put this on so I can get you back to your parents, what do you say?"

Annie looked between Jinx’s bright blue eyes and the harness in her hands with some apprehension. It was a few long seconds of Jinx forcing an encouraging smile before the little girl nodded tentatively. With a relieved sigh, the equipment was quickly fixed and properly tightened to the size of a small child, finishing up with attaching it to Jinx's own harness.

"Alrighty, you just hold on tight. It'll be like a little roller-coaster. Do you like roller-coasters?"

Annie held onto her thin frame as if her life depended on it -it didn't really, they were tied together after all- and shook her head. Jinx’s smile faltered before turning into a grimace as she sucked air through her teeth, expression unseen by the little girl who opted to squeeze her eyes shut.

Well then.

It took them a few good minutes to get down. Far longer than necessary given Jinx’s record of being able to scale down a rope at lightning speeds, to her sister's dismay. But she supposed propelling towards the ground with a child who just spent hours on a cliff for all she knew would be a bad idea. So she took her time. Slowly pushed off the wall on sturdy legs and made sure they were both steady at any given time.

The moment their feet touched the grass at the base of the cliff, Annie all but jumped away. Her plan got cut short by the harness still keeping her attached to Jinx, who couldn't help a snort as she felt the sudden yank. But the moment she was free, her colleagues were there to help.

Vi, ever the kid whisperer, as Jinx dubbed her, kneeled down in front of Annie with a kind smile that did nothing to cover the relief she felt. She asked how she was feeling, if she was injured or hurting anywhere, and Annie nodded or shook her head shyly at most of her questions.

"Are you cold? Your mom gave us your vest," she said while giving Caitlyn’s leg a few quick pats.

Her partner was still deep in thought, long fingers fidgeting with the patch on her jacket that read Zaun National Park. So much so that by the fifth pat she jumped slightly, having forgotten that she was even holding the red garment in her hand and clumsily giving it to Vi when her mind finally caught up.

"There we go," Vi said, holding the vest up so Annie could push her arms through it. "Let's get you back to your parents."

Vi scooped up the girl effortlessly, letting her rest her head on one strong shoulder as she and Caitlyn started the trek back to the main station. The rest stayed behind to gather up all the equipment and said they would catch up soon, not wanting to keep the kid and her parents away from each other longer than necessary.

They were merely twenty minutes into the hike when the sky started to darken properly. It was already late when they had found Annie, and there was no doubt that the majority of the journey back would be made in the dark. Vi didn’t mind, having been part of more rescue operations that stretched well into the night than she cared to count, so the dark woods didn't make her feel as uneasy as they once did. And Caitlyn didn’t seem to be particularly bothered by it either, simply pulling out her flashlight and illuminating the path ahead.

Annie however was clutching harder to Vi's uniform, small fists pulling on the fabric in a gesture that was probably meant to be subtle but was noticed nonetheless. Vi put one hand on her back, hoping it would bring some comfort.

"Are you scared?" she asked softly.

"No."

Vi hummed, eyes fixated up ahead. She saw Caitlyn turn and give her a quizzical look at the sudden break of silence.

"Are you sure?"

Annie hesitated for a few seconds, the contemplation obvious as she thought about an answer. "I don't like the dark," she finally settled on, voice quieter than before.

"There’s nothing to be scared of out here," Vi said.

It was a lie and she knew it. Even Caitlyn, who had been working there for not even a month seemed well aware of that when she turned again, one eyebrow quirked up in skepticism. Vi gave her a look, eyes widening ever so slightly, that told her to not say a word to the girl. Annie, whose head was still resting against Vi's shoulder, was none the wiser to their silent exchange.

Because it was half a lie. There were always things that could harm you out in the wilderness. But Vi had learned long ago that the key to getting out unscathed was to have a healthy amount of respect for the nature that surrounded her. Of course there were the… freak accidents, but nobody really spoke about those.

"But you can't see anything. What if the bear comes back?"

Annie's voice was quiet and muffled against Vi's uniform, but it was more than enough to cause the two officers to exchange a worried look.

"Bear?" Caitlyn asked, despite a small frown from Vi that tried to communicate that maybe now wasn't the best time.

Her reply came in the form of a quiet affirmative hum. "He took me to his home and said he would bring me more friends so I wouldn't be lonely," Annie explained in a small voice.

That sentence alone was enough to send a shiver down Vi’s back, who clenched her jaw and kept her focus fixated on the path ahead. Not the time. Now was not the time damn it. Not when they were only halfway through the woods and the only thing that kept them from plunging into pitch black darkness were flashlights whose batteries she may or may not have forgotten to check. A thing that Caitlyn seemed less inclined than her to ignore.

"He what?" she whispered with some alarm, her pace faltering as she whipped her head to the side at Vi and the girl in her arms.

It even startled Sniper a bit, the sudden movement tugging on his leash and causing him to raise his muzzle towards his owner inquisitively. Caitlyn paid it no mind, eyes boring onto the side of Vi's head and daring her to meet her gaze. She didn’t.

"Mhm," Annie unknowingly interrupted their little one sided staredown. "But I got scared and it made him mad. So he just left me on that cliff."

Caitlyn didn’t say anything after that. She simply looked down at Annie's feet and took in the way her shoes looked so clean, soles a little dusty but nowhere near dirty enough to indicate a walk up the mountain. Her clothes were in a similar condition too, in too good of a shape for someone who presumably made her way through dense thorny thickets and up a sheer cliffside.

Despite the silence that enveloped them afterwards, the tension was clear as day. Annie had dozed off at one point probably due to sheer exhaustion while Caitlyn led the way, her flashlight kept on the path ahead. She threw a few glances towards Vi, eyes narrowing for a split second with questions sitting on the tip of her tongue. Then she saw the practiced neutrality on her partner's expression, practiced but not enough to completely conceal the stress that lay underneath, and dropped it.

It was another half hour of hiking without pause, neither of them wanted to stop for one reason or another, until they finally reached the familiar gravel path to the station. Annie's parents were sitting on one of the wooden benches outside, her mother shooting to her feet and sprinting to them the moment they came into view. She was quickly followed by her father and sister.

There were tears, there were words of gratiture exchanged that Vi graciously replied to with a kind smile and a simple happy to get her back safe. All the while Caitlyn hung back a few paces, offering a kind smile at the gratitudes but otherwise pretending to keep herself busy with checking Sniper over for any non existing injuries or debris stuck in his fur.

It took a while for the parents to compose themselves, with Annie held tightly in their arms. By the time they were ready to complete some paperwork for a report and leave, their colleagues had finally caught up too. Jinx was loudly chatting with Ekko about whatever project they were planning to work on next, while Benzo was right behind them, holding up his flashlight yet still not managing to prevent the two from stumbling when they got too engrossed in their conversation. Vi greeted them at the base of the low porch of the station, teasingly congratulating her sister on her job, yet the fondness in her voice was unmistakable. It gained her a whack with one long braid and a playful shoulder shove as the group walked past them and made their way inside.

"You coming?" Vi asked, once they were the only two people still left outside. "We're gonna make some cheap hot chocolate. Or tea for you," she tried for something casual and failed.

Caitlyn was still crouched down next to her dog, a hand absentmindedly playing with one of the buckles from his harness. When she looked up at her partner, her eyes held the same intensity from before, framed by a frown that was yet to let her beautiful features relax.

"Vi."

There was an edge of something in her voice. If she looked hard enough Vi could recognize it as distrust and it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Yeah?"

"If you don’t tell me exactly what the hell is going on here I'm putting in my one week notice tomorrow and leaving."

It was an empty threat and they both knew it to an extent. Not only because Caitlyn wouldn't simply pack her stuff and leave a position that finally allowed her to help people in a more substantial way, but also because there were countless other K9 teams out there that could replace her in no time. But Caitlyn held out some hope that Vi harbored some affection for her, enough to not want her gone at least.

Vi sighed deeply, her shoulders dropping in defeat as she ran a hand though messy pink hair.

"Yeah. Yeah okay that sounds fair," she said, though it didn't placate Caitlyn much. Her frown still in place, she kept looking at her partner expectantly. "Uh- we both have tomorrow off right? Why don't we um, meet for coffee and I'll give you the proper run-down?"

Vi tried for a warm smile, but it came out shy when she noticed the way Caitlyn’s expression turned from harsh to surprise, complete with a blush dusting her pale cheeks. Vi tried to convince herself that she was just seeing things in the almost absent light that came from the porch, but it didn't stop some heat from raising to her own face.

Well, this wasn’t exactly how Vi would've liked to ask her out, but desperate times…

Caitlyn cleared her throat, averting her eyes for a moment and Vi was afraid she had horribly overstepped some boundary. "Yes. That would be nice," Caitlyn said then, and soothed some of Vi’s fears a little.

This time, the charming smile came more easily as she stuck out a hand for her partner to take. She pulled her up from the dusty battered ground and gestured towards the porch as if to say after you. "I'll pick you up at nine," she said as Caitlyn took the first step on the stairs.

Caitlyn looked back down at her. "You don't know where I live, Vi," she deadpanned, but the amusement in her eyes was unmistakable.

"Damn I can't even be a gentlewoman anymore," Vi muttered and the giggle she got in response made her think that maybe this was still salvageable.

[anonymooseforever007]

Just Like You

There’s an irony in innocence. It often leads those who’ve seen the least, to see more than anyone else… Word Count 7.3K Summary: In which things don’t go as expected when Lizzie takes young Y/N out for the day… 

Warnings: angst and fluff. Implications of child neglect from the reader’s mother in one section. Also this chapter goes a good bit into the like Lizzie’s job as a prostitute and the negative light it was usually seen in at the time, along with some self doubt and insecurities, reflection from Lizzie. I’m not sure if there is anything else though!

Hi y’all❤️ Here are the other part for those who want them! Once again you shouldn’t have to read them in order! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist    Main Masterlist

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Birmingham, June 19??

Lizzie was terrified in a way she had never been before. It was like someone had stripped her down and tossed her in the Cut in the middle of a winter blizzard. A constant string of knives being dragged across her chest would have been less painful than the increasing pounding in her chest, growing even more as each second passed. She had never felt fear like this before… and truthfully she never expected to.

After all, Lizzie Stark never expected children.

Because if one was honest, the last thing Lizzie ever expected, at least a few years ago, was to have to worry about was loosing a child. Because in her line of work children weren’t an option. In her line of work, you didn’t have a child, because having a child meant you could not work. And as much as Lizzie may have wanted a family, as much as it was a dream of hers deep down to find someone who loved her and live life comfortably, that wasn’t an option for her. Or a least she didn’t think so….not right now. That dream was shoved down long ago. Back in a small tight corner in the back of her mind, that she only dared glance at when she had too many glasses of alcohol and no one scheduled for the night. A dream smothered out the day she realised, that if Lizzie ever wanted survive, she’d have to user more than just her knowledge to get by.

Once that became clear, a future of children became more fogged. More distant and irrevocably less plausible. And with time Lizzie though she had begun to accept that fact. It was something that life would never give her, and since she didn’t see herself in a position where she could take it, well she just had to deal with the cards she was given.

So Lizzie never though she’d feel the heart wrenching agony of reaching back for that smaller hand, and finding only air. Reaching back for one of the most precious things in her life, only out of sight for a second….just to fine it gone. As if what was most cherished, was never there to begin with.

But there she was, reaching back and turning around…nothing. As she searched with wide eyes around the bustling crowd for the smaller head of familiar hair, light blue dress,and backpack full of random items she still saw nothing.

Lizzie had lost her little girl. She had lost her little gem.

And Thomas Shelby was going to kill her for it. He was going to kill her for losing his daughter….

Only HIS daughter, not Lizzie’s…

Because the little girl lost wasn’t actually Lizzie’s. Lizzie Stark didn’t give birth to the child she was so desperately searching for. She didn’t feel the chilling panic of a missed monthly, bolstered by the knowledge of a drunken night out a few weeks ago.She didn’t spend months over a bowl with the morning sickness, unable to keep anything down. She didn’t have to go to three different shops a few weeks later, in order to find dresses that would fit her growing belly. She didn’t stand at the front of the church for the marriage, prepared in less than a week, and she didn’t scream on the bed only a few months later (but still one too soon) as the dangerously small child saw first light. Breathed her first breath and opened her small eyes to see the world. Lizzie never did any if these things and so (according to general society) the girl wasn’t Lizzie’s. No matter the number of things that may have defined it otherwise….and no matter what either party wished others wise either.

The little girl was however Tommy’s. She was Tommy’s and she always would be no matter how far they were apart of how long it had been since they had seen each other. After all, she was Y/N. Tommy’s Y/N who had been one of the brightest light in his life after her birth just over 8 years ago. It was rare for the people of Small Heath to see him with a glaring frown on his face, anytime he was observed walking down the street with small girl. Often side by side, and almost always with her hand in his, forcing it to swing back and forth as she talked. Y/N liked to hold her father’s hand or at least wrap hers around the fingers that would fit in her small palm. And everyone knew that. Just as everyone knew y/n was Tommy’s and any who dared to even think of harming her would face a fate worse than death. That’s how it always was, and that’s how Small Heath world be.

But Tommy wasn’t here right now. Nor were any of his brothers (bar the youngest) or most every other man who walked the gloomy streets of Small Heath almost two years ago. After all there was a war going on. Almost every man who was able bodied (and a few who weren’t) had been shipped to distant nations to fight. Wether they were sent by choice or not didn’t matter as the the likely hood of them coming back at all seemed slimmer everyday.

And everyday it seemed more and more of those dammed letter came, leaving behind a trail of grief and tears with a few simple letters in faded ink.

It had been just over two year since the men were sent to and in those two years much had already changed. And the change could be seen in not just the men who did return (often more broken than whole) but also through the inhabitants of the city itself, left behind to thrive or sink with little help from the ones who actually could provide support.

Those left behind, mostly being the women and children of Small Heath learned to adapt to their situation over time. When the men went to war, it was the women who took up their posts. Running the stores, and the factories, and the betting shops, and filling in the empty spaces a much as they could.

And fill they did. It may have been a rocky start but soon enough Small Heath was back on it’s already unstable feet, and life continued, with tears and laughter, Joy and sadness, life and death. Just as there always was even if it was sometimes buried deep underneath the factory fog.

But despite Thomas Shelby’s absence and the change to the city brought by the war, Lizzie had no doubt the terrible consequences that would emerge from loosing Tommy’s daughter. Even if they were only delayed.

Not that the woman cared about what Tommy would want do to her at the moment. Or at least them moment when he would return….If he were to return.

No, Lizzie’s current anguish was all her own, as everything inside her screamed wildly for losing something so important.

Important, not to Tommy or his family or even the rest of Small Heath. But for losing something so important to herself.

Because over the years Lizzie had grown selfish and she didn’t mind admitting it. Having worked so hard and yet still gaining so little, she often found herself covering the few things she did have close. She’d admit that she’d don’t things she wasn’t proud of, things she didn’t necessarily want to do, and things she wish she never did. But Lizzie would also admit that she’d do them again. She’d do them again if it meant she could survive. That’s all she’d been trying to do for a. While now, just survive. Survive and turn the worlds unfair clutches in her favor so that even if the tree of life bared little first her way, she may still get a small piece.

So Lizzie was selfish and she’d readily admit it, because in her mind being selfish mean she could survive. It also mean she was more protective of what she already had, not wanting to loose even a little bit of good in her life.

Even if that little bit was a small girl who didn’t share even a small drop of blood. A small girl who, in the eyes of the world, didn’t belong to Lizzie even in the smallest bit. Not even if it was Lizzie who took her and Finn to the Park while Polly was busy, or Lizzie who dragged the girl and Finn back from the park by their ears when they were found playing at the park far past hours safe for a child to be out (especially in Small Heath). Not if it was Lizzie who bandaged the girl’s scrapped up hand, in a faded kitchen with mismatched plates on the wall, after she had tried to do a one handed kart wheel on a couch. Or if it was Lizzie who walked the girl and her uncle Finn (and even the girl’s niece sometimes) to the small school on the end of the block every morning, leaving them at the gates, only to pick them up after school every day.

The world didn’t care if it was Lizzie who listened to the girl’s every quick spoken story, even those that had to be restated a few times over when the girl lost her train of thought (which happens rather often) The world didn’t care that Lizzie was the one nudging the the girl at Easter service, with a soft yet stern look to pay attention to Jeremiah, instead of illustrating whatever Bible story caught her interest that day (Jeremiah still has that Bible filled with doodles, he says they make the book even better). The world didn’t care if Lizzie was the one who’s hand the girl held while walking down the street, while her own was swinging back and forth in time with the girl’s speed.

It didn’t matter what Lizzie did, or how much she listened, or how much she cared for the little girl. It didn’t matter that the girl saw Lizzie more often than her own mother, or that when faced with who would take her out, Lizzie was the first choice.

For the world, Lizzie’s impact on the girl didn’t matter, and Lizzie would never be the girl’s mother, if only because Lizzie’s name wasn’t on the girl’s birth certificate.

But Lizzie didn’t care what the world though, because the world didn’t care what she thought. And Lizzie made no effort to stop seeing the girl even when the girl’s mother (by the world’s terms) tried to make it so.

Because Lizzie was selfish and she didn’t mind admitting it at all. She had to be selfish if she wanted to survive and she had to be selfish is she wanted to protect what she cared for. If being selfish meant keeping the little good in her life close, then selfish she would be.

And as in such selfishness, Lizzie would fight fiercely for what she cared for, and though she may not have been a soldier or a blinder, she would hesitate to bring wrath upon those who hurt what was hers.

That wrath was being dealt out now, dealt on the person so ignorant, so unobservant, so unfathomably useless, that they couldn’t even keep track of a child in a market. That wrath, as strong a storm from Poseidon’s Triton was being dealt out just now.

And it was being dealt on Lizzie herself.

Truthfully, she wished it could be dealt harder. If Lizzie Stark believed in Hell, she would have wished for its mercy right now. In comparison to how she felt the fires of hell would have been cold relief to the agony inside Lizzie’s heart.

See, Lizzie had agreed to take Y/N to the market for the day and then to the park while Polly was taking care of Ada and Finn. The younger two Shelby siblings had both come down with a small cold while splashing in puddles a few days earlier.

Well…. Finn and Y/N were splashing, Ada who had deemed herself “too old for puddle play” spent most of the time trying (and failing) to not be splashed by the two children. However, despite her declaration, Ada couldn’t help but deal out “just retaliation” on those who splashed her. And so at the end of the day, Polly’s call of dinner was greeted by three young Shelby’s wearing smiles as wide as their clothes were wet. But such fun also lead to sniffles as now both Ada and Finn had been condemned to the house under Polly’s care for the next few days.

Martha had actually been the first one, Polly asked to watch Y/N for a few days, to lessen the chance of the girl herself getting sick, but Martha was busy dealing with her own sick children. It appeared that Katie and the twins (James and Matthew) had their own splash party the day before as well, leaving Martha to care for three sick children of her own.

And as usual Marie was no where to be seen. She had gone out the door early in the morning without a wave to the family, and only briefly acknowledging her young daughter’s shout of “Bye Mum!” as the door shut. Not that Marie would have been Polly’s choice to watch Y/N anyway, the two never got along. Whether it was became of Marie’s careless attitude for her husband or often blant ignorance in general, the two never saw eye to eye. Though with the men leaving it had gotten slightly better (emphasis on slightly), and Marie actually spent a few fleeting hours helping in the shop every now and then, neither woman was the other’s best friend. Or even friend in general for that matter. 

As much as she tried it hide it for the children, Polly felt an deep ache in her heart every time her sweet-hearted great niece smiled brightly and tried to tell her mother about her day or include the woman in their game, no matter how rare it was for the affection to be reciprocated (if it ever was). Every time it happened there was an ache in Polly’s heart and a burning anger as well aimed at a woman who could take such a child for granted. Especially when Polly would do anything to even know her own two children were still alive.

But seeing as the issue of Marie was not likely to be resolved anytime soon, Polly had been stumped on what to do. She didn’t want to leave the eight year old girl to her own devices, but she also didn’t want to let Y/N around her sick family.

Because if Tommy’s daughter got sick, everyone was in for hell. Not because Y/N was rude or wild when she was sick, in fact, the family could always tell then Y/N wasn’t feeling well because she got quieter and didn’t fidget like usual. If she was sick the family could finally have a meal at the table without the thing constantly shaking, from her bouncing leg the entire time, or she wouldn’t start a game of “surprise hide and seek” when bed was announced. No, when Y/N Shelby was sick she didn’t get rude or wild, but that didn’t mean it was fun for anyone.

While Y/N was a girl who took every physical trait from her mother, Polly couldn’t help but see an identical version of Tommy when Y/N was sick. Because when Y/N was sick she tended to fight it. And no I don’t mean fight the sickness itself, but rather the very idea that she was sick. It was as if she believe that by pretending she was alright, she would magically be healed, and whenever ailed her had no further affect. To Y/N, if she pretended she wasn’t sick, then she obviously wasn’t and could do what she wanted right? (Sounds familiar, huh Mr. self-medicated-a-cracked-skull-with-horse-cocaine? Wonder where she got that)

When Y/N was sick she did everything in her power to convince people she wasn’t sick, especially if it meant getting out of taking medicine. For a girl who usually went along with many ideas, often content to go with the flow, NO ONE would get her to take medicine (let’s not even start with shots either). The only time her father every truly got stern with her, was when he was ordering her to drink the berry flavored poison from the small spoon.

A small standoff would occur every time, with both father and daughter wearing the same hardened stare that could send shivers down many a grown man’s back, but neither breaking eye contact. If there was ever any doubt that Y/N was Tommy’s child, it would have been bashed always immediately in the presence of the stand off. None who watched could ever be sure if the impending winner. The dangerous, temperamental, and dark haired gang leader, who still work the clothes he had been shot at in that day. OR the man’s young daughter with a small lisp, two missing teeth, and wearing a purple nightgown with a worn teddy bear in one arm and book of fairy tales in the other.

Eventually, Tommy would start counting down from five. By three the pouting lip was already out, then came two with the small displeasured whine. Finally, by one and a quarter, a full flood of tears would be running down the younger’s face, not because she was afraid of what her dad would do to her, but still unnerved by the idea of making him mad. As such is the life of a Daddy’s girl, who idolizes her father’s very movement.

Soon after (usually) the stand off would end with Y/N begrudgingly taking the thick concoction and tossing it in her mouth with a pout in her face, before she would take the glass of water provided for her and dramatically gag over the sink as she washed out the aweful taste. Then after a a few words praising her “smart decision”, her father would wrap his arms around her, rubbing her back and playing with the small pieces of her hair, until the pouting girl would uncross her arms and eventually reciprocate the hug. After all, it wasn’t like she was truly mad at her father, she just felt he should witness her displeasure a bit longer. The rest of the night would go smoothly and the family would be content…at least until it would be time for the morning medicine…

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AND so that is why it was good for Polly and the family to that Y/N hadn’t gotten sick. Seeing as Tommy was still gone and no one else could ever convince Y/N to take medicine when sick,  Polly wanted to keep it that way as long as possible.

While contemplating the idea of leaving Y/N with Uncle Charlie for the day, Lizzie had showed up. And like an Angel bearing the dirty coat Finn had left on the sidewalk, Lizzie had agreed to take Y/N out for the day. While she wouldn’t have minded letting the young girl spend the night at her apartment too, Polly wanted her back later that night to possibly bring a basket of food across the road to Martha, so that neither woman had to leave her sick charges. Lizzie also thought back on it and realized that she also didn’t want Y/N to be in her apartment if a client showed up that night despite it being her day off. She didn’t want to risk the girl’s safety if someone didn’t take to kindly to being told to come back. Besides, it was actually quite often these days that Lizzie found herself spending time with the Shelby’s on her day off. If it was helping Polly order papers in the betting shop or doing some chores so Martha could get off her feet or watching Finn and Y/N so they wouldn’t get in too much trouble, or even occasionally helping Ada write a letter to her “mystery soldier” as Polly called him. Lizzie was there and not just because she enjoyed the jobs the Shelby’s gave her instead of she own or because they often paid better.

Y/N was of course ecstatic to spend the day with Lizzie, the girl often migrated towards the older woman when she was around. Y/N quickly grabbed her backpack already filled with random items such as pencils, nuts, a wrench, a few blocks and a worn stuffed bear before heading over to grab Lizzie’s hand to leave. Yelling goodby across the kitchen to Finn and Ada in the next room (an action that wouldn’t have passed Polly if not for the sickness) Y/N and Lizzie stepped out of the house.

And so the two had set off, hand in hand down the street, promising Polly to bring back some soup for the Finn and Ada as well.

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Only a few steps into the journey, Y/N had decided to walk along the (thankfully empty) street curb and carefully step along the thin edge, balancing, as if she was on a tightrope. Of course, Lizzie refused to let go of her hand, so Y/N didn’t really have to worry about her own balance, but the girl still liked to test the limits of her pull by sometimes leaning further over the street (with a grin on her face and eyes on her protector) so that the only thing stopping she from falling into the lane was the woman’s grip on her hand. It wasn’t a hard grip, but still enough to hold on to the girl if she were to slip. And when Lizzie decided Y/N was leaning too far, a quick put back towards the street would get the girl to her original balancing act. Every time time Lizzie pulled her back, Y/N would laugh and try to pull Lizzie to join her, with the woman only giving a small laugh of herself and the same excuse of not wanting to wear out her shoes.

Both of the pair knew this was false however, as only last week Y/N had convinced Lizzie to wear her shoes while they walked on the small wall over by the Cut. Y/N had insisted that walking on the wall, instead of by it, was the fastest way to the Charlie’s boat yard where Curly waiting there for a picnic. While Lizzie, seeing the street was too crowded to continuously walk along the side of the wall herself while holding the girl’s arm, gave in and decided to just get up there with her. Lizzie figured her reputation had already been “damaged” enough, so why should she care about people seeing her walk on a wall. It wasn’t her fault they didn’t have the brains to find a faster route. Besides the beaming smile on Y/N’s face when Lizzie got up there with her was enough to make the brunette woman willing to walk on a thousand more walls. Dammed how her shoes looked after.

Nevertheless, Lizzie let Y/N have her own fun this time. As the girl teetered along the edge of the street she spoke quickly, going on about her day, and her school work, and the boy down the street who had nice hair.

Soon enough the two of them had reached the market. Despite the clouds above and the percentage of the population currently away, the Small Heath Market was teeming with life. And that was where the trouble had begun.

Y/N had only been out of her sight for a second, when a group of school girls bumped into the pair as they made their way to the a small cafe for lunch. And instead of apologizing and moving to the side the girls had continued forward not realizing through their gossip that they had in fact split the duo up. Though that event only lasted a few seconds it was enough for Y/N to be swept away in the crowd. Inciting a panic in Lizzie like never before.

Around and around she turned desperately looking for the pair of eyes she found herself so often looking into. Nothing. All the while her hands reaching out as if to catch any lost children coming by, even if they weren’t hers. Nothing.

All the while it seemed as if the market had suddenly gotten more crowded and more busy. Voices became louder, brushes from strangers became more prominent, and the air seemed to get thicker as if all of the factories in the city had released their smog onto the shops. Lizzie didn’t know if she wanted to cry or scream. Maybe she’d do both. With tears in her eyes, Lizzie opened her mouth, ready to scream out Y/N’s name in hopes that even if the girl couldn’t see her, she wasn’t lost forever.

“Y/-“

The girl’s name had barely left Lizzie’s lips when another body came crashing into her, much more forcefully than the first time and with much more intent.

Arms wrapped around Lizzie with such force if she hadn’t already lost her breath she would have now. Squeezing tight and not letting go, gripping onto Lizzie with such force, any more and bruised would begin to form. And the crash had happened so suddenly, Lizzie wasn’t sure what happened at first. No this body did not accidentally crash into Lizzie’s, this one was here with a purpose. This body wouldn’t not let go until it had what it wanted….

“Lizzie, Hi Lizzie, Hi Lizzie, I lost you… I cou-“

Connected to the tight arms around Lizzie’s wait was a small body connected to a familiar head of hair wearing a light blue dress. Lizzie couldn’t see the face buried so tightly in her abdomen, but she knew only one person who it could be.

Y/N. Her little gem.

Registering who was nestled tightly onto her, Lizzie didn’t hesitate to to wrap her arms around the girl in return. If it hadn’t been for Y/N’s unwavering grip, Lizzie would have kneeled down on the ground to give the girl a more proper hug.

Still mumbling about how she had lost Lizzie, Y/N only held the woman tighter, the girl’s soft voice wavering and muffled. Her hands were opening and closing on the back of Lizzie’s dress, repeatedly grasping it as if to prove that Lizzie was in fact still there. Lizzie realised the sudden chaos had overwhelmed the little girl a bit, and bowed her head as close to the little girl’s ear as she could whispering comforting words while using a free hand to softly run her fingers in the girl’s hair. She also repeated the girl’s greeting, knowing sometimes when Y/N would loose her train of thought she’d resort to just a simple greeting again as if it could get the words flowing again.

“Hi Y/N , Hi Y/N, It’s ok Y/N, It’s ok. I’m here, you found me and I’m not letting go. Do you hear me sweetheart? I’m not going to lose you. I’ll always find a way to get to you I promise.”

Soft words spoken in a tone, Lizzie honestly wasn’t use to using, as she felt the girl start to calm down. Neither knew how long they stood there holding each other before Y/N finally pulled back from her protector. Still not letting go, but standing back enough that the tip of their toes were barely touching. Teary eyes looking at the ground, Y/N spoke,

“I thought I lost you, I got scared.”

Lizzie gently brought up her hand and lifted the girl’s chin with a small smile, able to do so now that everything felt peaceful again around her.

“That’s ok, it’s not you fault yeah. It’s not your fault you got lost. Everything’s going to be ok. Now if you’re still a little scared we can go back to your house if you’d like? Or we can just go straight to the park, we don’t have to stay here anymore.”

With a final sigh Y/N moved so that she could hold Lizzie’s hand, leaning her head slightly into the older woman’s arm.

“No…. It’s ok, we can still get lunch, Aunt Polly gave me extra money so we can both get some sweets too!”

“Sweets! Well come on then! What do you say we get those first? Then we can have those while we wait for our lunch. But we have to keep it a secret from Polly.”

At Lizzie’s attempt to further lighten the mood, Y/N’s eyes lit up and a small laugh bubbles up. Both were sure that Polly would find out about their secret mission to have sweets then “real food” as they made their way in the crowd once again. This time with a better grip on each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t until about half an hour (and TWO bags of sweets) later when waiting for their lunch that the two started up conversation again. Evidently both had been shook up by the event and though Y/N made small comments and laughed at the stories Lizzie used to distract her, the woman could tell she was still a bit nervous. Especially when Y/N choose to sit in the seat right next to her for lunch instead of across like she usually did.

Because even if Y/N loved to hang on people she was close to, the girl still quite enjoyed her personal space. She often like to pull out the items in her back pack and spread them out as if making a little bubble just of her own. And while she wouldn’t necessarily tell one off for getting in her bubble (the desire to be “friendly” greater than the one for space), she might still have been seen scooting a few bits further. This also tended to happen after something that was just a lot for the girl had happened. It was as if being in her own little space let her find her train of thought again.

Now though, it seemed like the brief separation was enough to make Y/N push off her bubble a bit longer. They sat side by side, in a booth near the window, with Y/N closest to the window, their arms barely brushing each other. Neither wanting to further encroach the other’s space but neither minding if it were to happen.

Eventually after settling down in their spots to wait, it seemed Y/N had finally found her voice again. Eyes passing to Lizzie, but still darting away every now and then at a new distraction, Y/N spoke.

“Hey Lizzie?”

Lizzie looked down and smiled at the girl, Her eyes never leaving the child. Not again. She was still kicking herself for those brief few moments and it was a good thing Lizzie didn’t have to work tonight, she doubted she’d be able to focus.

“Hey Y/N?”

“I just thought of this. Do you want to know what we talked about in school the other day?”

“What did you talk about?”

Y/N briefly averted her gaze again, feet swinging back and forth now, only hesitating for a second before she began to speak again.

“We talked about what we want of do when we grow up.”

“Did you? That sounds exciting. What else?”

At Lizzie’s positive tone, Y/N smiled. Lizzie was listening to her and Y/N decided she liked it when people listened to her. Even about things that happens in school. Even Finn didn’t like listening to that sometimes, and he listened to everything she said. Ever. It got her in trouble a few times, but Y/N didn’t think Lizzie would tell.

“Well, Martin Jones said he wanted to be a fireman, and Emily Harriet said she wanted to be a nurse. Then Harold Green wanted to own a ship and be a pirate, but Mrs. Carden said that wasn’t nice. I don’t know why though, I’ve heard some nice stories about pirates. There was this one named Sparrow…”

And so she was off. Y/N told Lizzie all about what her classmates wanted to be when they grew up, often getting side tracked and starting new story before Lizzie would gently guide her back on topic. By the time their food arrived Lizzie knew all the dreams and gossip in Y/N’s class. Their meal was eaten relatively quick and in a silence that neither minded. Small comments on how the food tasted were made, and small ideas of what the lives of the passing people could be like were made. Maybe the man in the yellow had to pretend he was a banana to catch an escaped monkey. Or maybe the woman with long package of posters was really a knight hiding her arrows to save a prince. It wasn’t until the pair was almost done with their meal when the topic came back around to school.

“So Y/N you told me what your friends want to be when they grow up. But what about you? What do you want of be when your grow up?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you silly. What did you tell the class you wanted to be when you grow up?”

“Oh, yeah I did answer the question too. But I’d didn’t say what I said who.”

Lizzie waited for a brief second before smiling and realizing that she might need to reframe the question.

“Ok, Y/N then who did you say you wanted to be when you grow up?”

“Ummm….Guess,” Y/N replied with a smile on her face wanting to play a game, he legs swinging back and forth under her seat.

“Guess? You want me to guess who you said? Ok, was it Your Dad? Or maybe your Aunt Ada or Polly? Did you say one of them?”

“No, No, and No, none of them but they’re all great. Try again, I promise you know who. This is one of my favorite people. And if you don’t get it I’ll tell you then.”

Lizzie put her hand in her chin pretending to think, though she figured she knew the answer now. After a drawn out hum Lizzie spoke again.

“Is it Curly,” She said with a smile on her face, sure she got it correct. After all Curly was Y/N loved most outside of her family.

“Nope.”

Lizzie was a bit shocked. She had been sure it was Curly. As she was about to make another guess the girl opens her mouth again, the short words coming out surprising Lizzie even more.

“It’s you.”

“Me?”

“You.”

“You want to be like just like me when you grow up?”

“Yes!!! It’s you, I want to be just like you when I grow up! I want to do all the things you do and be just like you!! Wouldn’t that be great?!” Y/N stated with a smile on her face, turning in her seat so that she was now sat on her knees facing her friend.

No.

Lizzie sat back in her seat, every moment of her own life, past and present, running through her head. Every conflict, failure, temptation, heartbreak, and more running through her head at rapid speed. Because despite feeling touched by the words, the older brunette couldn’t even begin to see why Y/N would want to be like her.

No it would not be great at all if Y/N grew up to be like Lizzie.

See Lizzie Stark may have been able to act confident, but she certainly had her self doubts. After all, despite her connections to the Shelby’s Lizzie was still struggling to survive. She didn’t have much money or fancy clothes. Her apartment wasn’t too nice and sometimes Lizzie skipped meals to pay for the rent. And since she never finished school Lizzie didn’t consider herself the smartest. She may have been able to read and write and do basic math, but far beyond the level the richer ladies could do. And then there was the factor of her job. Lizzie was a prostitute. There really wasn’t much sugar coating it a that point. She was a prostitute.

That’s the reason Lizzie never wanted Y/N. Even if there was nothing else. Y/N of course didn’t know what work Lizzie did, no one had ever really brought it up, and the girl never noticed the few men who would approach them when together. Lizzie was always able to tell the man she was off the clock before the calls of “a friendly meeting” got too far. Thankfully most men were wise enough though not to call over the woman walking hand in hand with Thomas Shelby’s daughter. So even that didn’t happen to often.

Still in that moment Lizzie made a promise to herself. She promised that Y/N would never have to be like her. No matter how much the child wanted to be. Y/N wouldn’t have to suffer like Lizzie felt she did so often. Y/N would never have to do what Lizzie did, she’d make sure if it. She’d never have to do the same work Lizzie did. Lizzie wanted Y/N to go farther than she did. And so she would help her as much as she could. Regardless of how much support her family would give her, Lizzie would help too. Even if it meant working more herself so she could have money to help Y/N in the future…

“Is that ok Lizzie,” Y/N interrupted the woman’s train of thought, an unsure look on her face at the woman’s response (or lack of) to her answer, “ Is it ok that I want to be like you when I get big?” Now the girl herself  had a small frown on her face. Maybe Lizzie’s didn’t want Y/N to be anything like her, maybe Y/N shouldn’t have told Lizzie the truth.

Lizzie hesitated for a second more, bringing her eyes back to her company, “Y/N why do you want to be like me? I’m not the best person in the world…”

The girl sat back and to Lizzie’s surprise, smiled in disbelief, “What do you mean? I mean, I know you’re not perfect, no one is, but I think you’re pretty great!”

“But why though?”

There was a small pause in the conversation as Y/N sat, thinking about her words as these were some she really wanted to get right. Sometimes it was hard for her to get words right even if she knew what she wanted to say, others were confused. Then after a moment she spoke. And the more she spoke the more she began to bounce in her chair as she got to tell Lizzie all the things she loved about her!

“Well for starters you’re really nice. You always help around the house and you listen to my stories. And you put bandages on my knees when I fall and don’t get mad when I mess up my dress. And you also play with my hair and hold my hand. And you walk on walls with me. You’re also really smart, you know a lot of things I don’t know. You even know how to get to the library without getting lost and I don’t think even Uncle Arthur can do that! And you always take me to fun places. You also make sure I’m safe. And you are really pretty too, you’re one of the prettiest people I know. People are always looking at you because you’re so pretty, don’t you see it? Some of the ladies even squint their eyes because they’re so jealous of you! And you know a lot of people. All the time people recognize to you when we go out. There always seem to be people wanting to talk to you. Especially boys. Other than Finny and Isaiah, I don’t know how to talk to boys like you do. The ones at school pull my hair and I just want to be their friend. But you seem to have so many talking to you! And…..”

And as Y/N continued, her words seemed to trail off in Lizzie’s mind as a realisation was made.

See, Lizzie knew what people thought of her. She knew how they saw her for who she was and what she did. She knew the true meanings behind the looks and why people wanted to talk to her.

She knew.

Lizzie always knew what those things meant even if people didn’t say them allowed (and plenty of them did). She even knew what the older Shelby’s themselves thought, even if they were greatful for her help. Rarely a day went but where Lizzie wasn’t called a whore or dammed to hell by a stranger on the street she’d never met.

But Y/N didn’t know that.

Y/N heard the people calling out as they walked by but she didn’t truly understand what they were staying. She didn’t understand their words were meant to hurt, shame, and condemn. She just saw someone calling out to her favorite person and figured they must like her too. After all, to Y/N, Lizzie was amazing, so why shouldn’t she have plenty of other people calling out to her, and waving their arms at her in greeting?

Y/N knew people were always looking at Lizzie as they passed by on the street and thought it was because of how beautiful Lizzie was. She didn’t realize their stares and squints weren’t out of awe or jealousy, but rather disgust and hate for a woman who was just trying to survive like the rest.

Y/N didn’t realize why Lizzie knew so many people or why so many “boys” wanted to “talk” to her. Once again, Y/N didn’t know what Lizzie really did for her job and no one was stupid enough to bring it up. All she saw was a woman she adored, who always seemed to know how to walk around without getting her hair pulled on the way to lunch. A woman who always seemed to have the right words to say and rarely got caught up on them. And since she rarely got caught up on her words, no ‘boys’ ever teased Lizzie for how she spoke. In fact they often seemed to want to stay with her longer. And if they stayed longer, then they more fun they could have together. And to a child like Y/N there’s always room for more fun and more friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are the things that occurred to Lizzie as Y/N continued to talk. And in her mind Lizzie came to another conclusion. One that almost made her want to laugh aloud.

She had concluded there’s an irony in innocence, in such that it allows those who seen the least to also see the most.

This innocence is mixed with the mercy of the young who often had yet to experience the pain of the world. To the innocent everything is more simple. Lines of good and bad are clearly drawn and if you are placed on one side it can be hard and easy to make to the other. There is no gray area in the blurred between, making one question the morals of right and wrong.

It is this innocence that often allowed children to look around and ignore the blinding bias of the world and see the characteristics so often shunned for one defining trait or action. To see the brighter side of the barely lit life many would rather step over than acknowledge.

It was this innocence that made Y/N look at Lizzie and see a future she wanted to have.

A future that didn’t have the cruel words or harsh hands. A future that didn’t contain the disgusted looks from the wealthier women passing by or the unnerving stares of many touched starved men. A future inspired, not by a whore who sometimes could barely afford to eat, but the loving friend always willing to share her last biscuit.

Y/N didn’t look at Lizzie and see all the things the world considered bad.

Y/N looked at Lizzie and saw all the things SHE considered good.

She saw someone who was smart, pretty caring, always willing to listen, sure of her words, and always ready to give a hug among many more good things. Someone who had all the traits Y/N thought made a great person.

And Y/N wanted to be a great person when she grew up.

So when she grew up Y/N wanted to be just like Lizzie.

Series Masterlist    Main Masterlist

✨✨a/n : Hello! I hope y’all enjoyed this part! I slowly trying to get back on here and finally finished this part after so long. I actually started writing it a day before S6E2 came out and then that wreaked me and I need a bit to figure out where to go! But it was fun to write and I didn’t actually get to the part I planned on writing so it may be in another part😂 But yeah there’s a bit onLizzie’s relationship with Y/N. I hope y’all enjoyed it!✨✨

[omniliquid]

There is a huge theme of something like the sorrow or grief of loss/displacement throughout the game. Some more examples (in no particular order and big spoilers, btw):

The conversation Quina has with Adaro about you at the beginning of the game she starts by saying "[their] heart lies still."

Grim Tidings has you telling one of the Cassardians about the death of his brother.

Quina's first quest is called Lost and Found and is about her going missing.

Selene's backstory is about moving on from the loss of her arisen.

The chambers of the post-game everfall are all named for reactions to the loss of a loved one, in a plausible order of occurance.

Just listen to the pawns' reaction to the arisen dying. Did they have to go so heart-wrenching? No, that was an artistic choice.

The dragon's bargain itself: Fight me or lose that which you hold most dear, with the consequence being your own death or the loss of Gran Soren.

The Duke's missing of Lenore and how he still feels the grief after 50ish years.

Pip either loses his home or (at least one of) his parents.

Talking to the citizens will give you many more tales of loss.

And, of course, the ending, in which you die, and your pawn takes your place, which I heavily suspect is a metaphor for them coming to terms with your loss and carrying a piece of you within themselves.

I've been playing Dragon's Dogma and I find it interesting how so many love interest quests end with the love interest going away somewhere. Madeleine is on the run, Mercedes goes back to Hearthstone, the Duchess goes back to Meloire, even Julien ending up in jail or Quina going to the Abbey have an aspect of displacement.

I haven't paid that much attention to the theming and whatever of these quests, so I don't really have anything beyond a simple observation on it. But it's interesting to me