#some ​amazing character design wasted on shitty writing that’s just sad

[gamingstar26]

Yes, you are exactly right about totk!! A lot of my own complaints come from the story (or lack thereof). To be honest, it's a rare LOZ game that has a particularly complex or nuanced story, but in my opinion, the best ones more than make up for it with their characters.

My favorite game that I've played is Skyward Sword, and I desparately want to play Wind Waker, because the both of them have such fun and compelling characters that I don't really mind the simplicity of the narratives (and Wind Waker even hints at nuance the other games won't dive into!)

Tears of the Kingdom tries to use plot driven storytelling, but... expects us to be far more invested than most of us ever really are. There's hints of character driven story in there, but it all just falls flat in the end and feels really superficial, ESPECIALLY when you look at how they treat the women in this game. Zelda is JUST the sacrificial maiden (again) whose only autonomy comes from choosing to give up her autonomy. Mineru is JUST the smart character who magically technobabbles the solutions. Purah is JUST the scientist that tells you where to go. Most indicative of Nintendo's attitude in this, to me, is with Riju. The way they treat her, it's clear they want her to fill the role of the sexy one, but they know that won't go well if they go all out because she was canonically a young child in the last game. Still really gross, Nintendo you're not subtle.

All this to say that TOTK thinks it's more clever than if is, and fails to pull its own weight in any meaninful way.

All of this!!

I’ll add a bit more that I forgot to add:

Yea usually zelda games have simple plots overall (with some expectations of course) but they do make up for it with memorable characters, etc, etc…

My favorite zelda game is Ocarina of Time cause of the lore (also gameplay of course) and the how interesting it is to me and the overall themes it goes into being tragic and relatable, even tho the surface story is simple overall.(the hero of time games being my favs cause of the story driven nature yet also have fun gameplay) Also other games like skyward sword having a good engaging story with good characters (Groose is the best), wind waker being a simple coming of age story, but also having the king and ganondorf both cling on to the past, etc.

Like you said totk thinks it’s clever and fails to deliver on making us invested in a meaningful and exciting narrative, in a way it’s using tropes from previous zelda games like oot, botw, SS and link to the past without even knowing why they worked in the first place. While failing to reuse tho tropes in a more unique way like previous games have done. It’s true there are hints of character driven story it’s just ignored or mentioned in a half assed way.

Also like I said in the post the lack of consequences with the main story at the end, like Link’s arm just being restored even tho furry rauru had said it was beyond saving, and zelda being recalled back to normal, so her “sacrifice” was not worth it at all (master sword is also worse somehow like wtf zelda)

I’ve also noticed the way totk treats the main women it’s very not good, like you said with zelda she’s just sacrificial maiden turned into a dragon, mineru being exposition dump lady cause that’s all she does tbh, also has the worst Sage ability in the whole game, etc.

zelda being the worst one. (Tbh botw/totk zelda is mixed overall she’s overrated) cause she’s dumb as hell didn’t even recognize that Ganondorf and Calamity Ganon could be related, she does nothing until furry rauru and sonia are dead. Also being a terrible princess, she didn’t even do any meaningful things to hyrule’s rebuilding efforts other than build a school and some small memorials and fuck around doing whatever the hell she was doing pre totk. Also she stole links house damn it.

there’s also the way the gerudo are treated in the zelda series as a whole, but that’s a whole other topic others have done better at that. Like with totk and botw (mostly totk) being helpless yet also warriors needing help from hylians to even survive in their own home?! Like how ingame they explain that zelda of all people was the one to help them get to know the desert and how to survive better wtf? And the secret heroine side quest end, how it’s just some random hylian guy to be the hidden 8th. (There goes the 7 sages and the 8th being the hero of time theory)

Also the way the botw events are treated. they just pretend that none of the ancient tech never existed at all and refuse to mention anything about botw, only in small passes. And the side quest with the Hateno school mentioning the original calamity.

The depths having potential to be better but we’re just empty and massive instead, I like the bargainer statues those are cool as an concept. And the sky islands being boring and copy paste the same few islands throughout.

Holy shit this game makes me write entire essays of complaints. I’m sorry if I repeat myself I’m terrible at explaining stuff at times.

Now I’m going to play the zelda games I’ve never finished to cleanse myself of totk.

[ceasarslegion]

Real talk though, I'm genuinely sad that people largely slept on the Bioshock game series and it never got that much of a fan following compared to like, every atrocious idea that gets fished out of Bethesda studios's toxic waste reserve as of late.

Like yeah, they were big games in the sense that people recognize the title "Bioshock," and I'll still see the ocassional "would you kindly?" joke but oof, it's not Undertale big in story-based single-player gaming circles, y'know?

But that's a shame!! Bioshock's got it all!! Take a gander at these settings, first of all:

Incredible. Amazing. Inspired. Like actually, though, a lot of my own settings were inspired by the retro-futurism I saw in the Bioshock trilogy when I played them around 13-15. Just by looking at it, the way it's framed, the way everything gets lit as you move with the character, the uniformity yet uniqueness of the colour composition gives it such a cinematic air that it draws you right in. That's good worldbuilding on an aesthetic level!! And they really commit to it artistically when you see how they model their characters with this perfect balance of stylization and realism. They look human enough, right? Kind of like the settings. Wonderful on the surface, but something's a bit off if you really tried to compare them. And that's basically what Bioshock is all about, and a good segue into how GOOD the writing was!!

It was all so... hard-hitting, I think is how I felt when I finished the first game. The horrors of capitalism, the loss of humanity, the very ugly reality of a eugenicist point of view, and yeah, how a line as simple as "would you kindly?" felt like getting my jaw shattered by a kick in the teeth by the time it all built up in this perfect slow-burn of intensity. The pacing was just so you never quite noticed it was getting hotter until it boiled you alive with its own masterfully-crafted narrative of science fiction-horror, yet also adventure, yet also drama, yet also period piece? The gameplay itself had consequences with its moral options that didn't always seem so black and white. Games with morality systems are usually pretty cut and dry good vs evil, but Bioshock takes the very scary reality of right and wrong looking almost identical in some cases and downright non-existant in others, but you still have to CHOOSE. It took such a shitty part of real life and injected it into its narrative in sich a way that it actually made it more interesting because a slice of truth was permeating this deep fiction.

And honestly, I know video game movies are pretty much a death sentence for box office success, but I do wanna make a Bioshock movie or tv show at some point for all the reasons listed above. Imagine how it could all translate on screen. Imagine hearing "would you kindly?" out of a real person's mouth, live-action, stellar costume and set design, with all the magic of modern film technology. GOD.

I mean, maybe it's not the same because the Witcher games were originally based on books, but if the Witcher series on Netflix can become a smashing audience success, why can't Bioshock?

[dmydfilmreviews]

DRUNK RANKING OF FIFTY MARVEL SHITHEADS

 The villains are all rubbish aren’t they? Well whatever, fuck if there’s more than fifty they’re not worth remembering, let’s go now SPOILERS

50. CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON HAVING NO FUN

49. SOME BIG BULL GUY WHO’S NOT CALLED SCOURGE

48. FUCKING TASERFACE

Oh my God this is the shittest joke and they know it, it just goes on and on and on. Bradley Cooper’s awful in this bit too and he’s usually great

42. NOT THE MANDARIN

Bald

46. BIG BLUE MAN CALLED LAWFI

Was he Loki’s dad or something? Well done for that I guess. Did he die? I don’t know

46. THE DESTROYER

Big Dildo

47. GO FISH HENCHMAN

HOT

37. THE SOVEREIGN

Loads of Guardians 2 is boring and annoying and these guys are boring and annoying

45. KORATH

WHO?

47. SCOURGE

Yeah, yeah you’re supposed to love him or whatever but he’s a big afterthought. What was up with that shot of him slinking away with the people on the bridge all hooded or whatever? He sucks, nobody likes him

46. TWO SHOCKERS

YOU GET A SHOCKER, YOU GET A SHOCKER, YOU GET A SHOCKER one of them is Bokeem Woodbine, who has the coolest name in the world and deserved much better

37. THE VIDEOGAMEY PEOPLE FROM INFINITY WAR

Great movie, video-gamey looking people

45. THE TERRIBLE TINKERER

Seems like a cool guy. The actor is in everything!

45. RONAN

A VERY SHOUTY WASTE TWICE NOW

44. HERR STRUCKER IT’S THE AVENGERS

Very funny lines revolve around him but it’s probably good he got done offscreen we don’t need to give Nazis anymore airtime

34. MICKEY ROURKE

Oh for fucks sake

33. SONNY BIRCH?

Sonny BITCH

31. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH DICKING AROUND WITH CGI AGAIN

Very underwhelming (like a lot of Doctor Strange) for what should have been a huge amazing satan like threat or whatever. It is fun to hear benedict cumbernaut say his name over and over again though DORRRMOOMOOOO

34. CROSSBONES STYLE

I DON’T FUCK LIKE THAT NO MORE

45. MADS MIKKAELSON

forever horny

47. GHOST

Not really a villain and kind of rubbish effects but a trier or whatever

47. BATROC ZE LEAPER

It is AMAZING that they got this guy in seriously google him

27. JUDE LAW AND THE BLUE BALL BUNCH

Yoghurt? A nice avatar for the myriad failures of the shittest gender

39. ALEXANDER PIERCE

HE’S ROBERT REDFORD!

38. SURTUR

BIG MONSTERRRRRRR! Does exactly what he says on the tin

40. ABOMINATION

Oh my god tim roth tries so, so hard but he just ends up looking like a big claggy poo. Roth’s a real slimy ratbag for the rest of the movie though, good effort, underrated

52. GENERAL ROSS

What a knob, don’t you ever get tired of being wrong? A poohead

41. JUSTIN HAMMER

A lot of fun, they should bring him back. Looks like he sleeps with a lot of sex workers and cries a lot

41. NOT THE MANDARIN TWO

Great, cocky, has absolutely fucking horrible shoes. A dirty man

29. A MAN CALLED ‘DARREN CROSS’ WHO SQUASHES A LAMB

Oh man this guy is so fucking good and terrible! He squashes someone into like a disgusting bubble of flesh and he also looks like he cries a lot and I think he wears a leather jacket at some point. Amazing. Bald

19. SUPREME ANNETTE BENING

What a sassy fucking bitch she looked like she was having a great time in that nirvana concert dream place, rocks a leather jacket way better than ‘darren cross’. Skillful

39. EGG

I don’t know what the fucking hell was going on here but they wasted KURT RUSSELL but still, it’s KURT RUSSELL LOOK AT THAT BEARRD

22. NOT THE MANDARIN 3

This guy is genuinely funny and the only good thing Ben Kinglsey had done in like fifty eight years and it was amazingly funny how it pissed off a load of twats. It’s better than the comics!

10. JEFF BRIDGES

Oh, you know the line. What a line. Bald. Says ‘hold still ya little prick’ to tony at one point and there’s a bit where he wears pyjamas in a really pissed off way. And he rides a Segway. Incredible.

26. ARNIN ZOLA

This is a hell of a performance, both times. Toby Jones is always amazing and he’s amazing here, a perfect comic-booky little nazi turd who’s horrible and can’t stand it when tommy lee jones chews a steak in front of him. He’s so good. And then in winter soldier he’s even fucking creepier! That is hella design work! Love it

14. TALOS SLURPS A SMOOTHIE

Ok he’s not really bad but he seems like a great guy who you’d love to hang out with. He also beats the SHIT out of Samuel l Jackson in that library or whatever and he can become anyone else on this list so he can be like Sam Rockwell with Toby Jones’ dick or whatever, if that’s what you want. Ben Mendellsohn is the GOAT

28 and 29. TWINSIES

Again, not really bad but they’re bad for a while. They’re Avengers, of course they’re cool. Joss Whedon seems to like looking down her dress too much though, seriously it happens all the time, come on

12. NEBULA

NOT BAD AGAIN but while she is bad she’s great, she’s the only actress who realizes how funny it is that she’s SHOUTING ALL THE TIME. And she’s all clicky, it’s disgusting

11. KLAW

Andy Serkis is having a FUCKING BALL in these movies BRING HIM BACK

10. JEFF GOLDBLUM

Hahahahahaha

9. RED SKULL

Just like the comics. Horny boy.

8. WINTER SOLDIER

Scary as fuck

7. THE VULTURE

Everything homecoming does is fucking great and taking a shitty pile of shit like the vulture and making him great is one of the bestthings. Actually relatable, actually a great guy, fuck tony stark, even his design is amazing with that jacket and those little eyes and his huge scary rig. Fucking Michael Keaton man. Give the vulture his own movie. Bad dad.

6. HELA

SISSY THAT WALK

5. ZEMO

WHOOO HE’S NOT A CHARACTER HE’S THE AVENGERS OWN FAILINGS AND LIMITATIONS GIVEN FORRRMMMMM WHOOOOOOO

4. KILLMONGER

Should have had more screentime and suffers from some wonky plot issues but hell, still. The most compelling, real-world grounded villain they have and a complete monster but still, so, so sad and kind of right. This one burns

3. ULTRON

A huge sexy ass, a fascinating mass of deranged AI and tony stark’s failings and fucked up rubbish humankind not being able to sort itself out. Acts like an absolutely terrifying child through the whole thing and a huge prick by the end. But you still feel sorry for him. His final exchange with the vision is one of the most beautiful, poetic things ever written for the whole MCU.

2. LOKI

A hero. But also, what a villain.

1.       THANOS

The terrifying embodiment of failure and inevitability, but also somehow a multi-faceted and intriguing character in his own right. Infinity War is his movie, and he’s a huge piece of shit but you somehow feel sorry for him. A triumph of writing, performance and design, his battle on Titan is one of the most incredible realisations of comic book superpower fighting ever put on screen. Terrifying. There’s no way Endgame is going to fuck him up. Also: Daddy.

1.       GREGG TURKINGTON

Yeah he’s too by the book but he’s actually the universes’ biggest hero IF HE HADN’T HAVE FIRED ANT MAN FROM BASKIN AND ROBBINS THEN NONE OF THAT SHIT WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED AND THEY WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GO TO THE QUANTUM REALM IN ENDGAME LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO AND THANOS WOULD HAVE WON FOREVER A TRUE HERO FIVE BAGS OF POPCORN BRING BACK THE HOBBIT

POPULAR MOVIES THAT SPEND AGES BUILDING UP THEIR HEROES INTO CHARACTERS YOU WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ARE NATURALLY NOT GOING TO HAVE AS MUCH TIME TO BUILD UP THEIR VILLAINS THE END

[denemebonus-site2024]

Overall I remember when we first found out about University Life and how hyped up we all were! We were scared, and nervous but overall everything felt super positive. It was going to be the next step in MCL and everyone was on board.

And then...Beemoov began releasing some information here and there and everyone seemed more and more nervous. New sprites, new characters, new systems. Everything was changing. BUT THEN they only bring back two of the boys Castiel and Nathaniel - one of who which had a total personality shift for reasons still unknown - the majority of the fandom is heartbroken, we lost Armin, Kentin and Lysander who were all amazing characters.

Some of the fandom, myself included, is sad but willing to give the game a chance. A female option is promised how exciting! The characters are released and okay cool enough designs, a girl, a coworker, a teacher, a singer and a bad boy is the basic run down. I still personally tried to remain optimistic throughout everything, but, it was hard.

I started playing the game, the AP system wasn’t too bad but I didn’t enjoy it for sure. Now the more I play the more issues I find with it.

First and foremost: The AP and $ ratio simply don't apply to the games logic. They have you buying $15 gifts and $5 dollar bus passes as well as $200 outfits all while only giving you $5 every day. That’s it. With how often episodes are released, it’s physically impossible to play an entire episode without spending some real money. Unless you want to wait a few months to play. The same goes for AP, if you’re going to change AP from movement to dialogue then you need to give players more AP to begin with that way we have more then just half a monologue per day. (because let’s be real, candy suddenly has a lot more to say now that dialogue costs AP)

But okay, lets pretend their logic is totally normal and nothing else was screwy, let's just get to the basis of my anger: the characters.

Holy fucking shit, let’s just start right off the bat with Rosayla right now. Back in MCL she was one of my favorite characters, she was happy with whoever you ended up with and supported you, she played match maker but never forced anything. She was assertive and funny and always knew what she wanted, yeah she was stubborn but it was never a bad thing. In the end she always had candy’s best interest at heart. Then. we have MCLU Rosa. She’s self absorbed, pushy, rude, and let’s be completely honest, she doesn’t give a damn about Candy. She’s turned into a borderline toxic friend; not letting candy study when she needs to, forcing a boy onto her who she might not like, controlling Candy’s movements and overall just being not a great friend. Her biasness towards Nathaniel is what really pushed the whole thing over for me. I’m sorry I’m too tired to give more details but Beemoov has ruined Rosayla as a character and I feel so sad about it

Alexy. Okay I honestly never really liked Alexy, but ever since he and Morgan got together? Ditching candy, leaving her hanging, bringing Morgan everywhere, not understanding that he can do things with his friends without his significant other. The over sexualizing relationship? As much as I wanted Alexy to find love like everyone else, this relationship feels like a cheap fanfiction. Something that was just thrown in there to make the fanbase happy and to overlook every other shitty thing about the game. Not only that, the relationship I personally feel has made Alexy take 10 steps back as a character. He and Rosayla are not the two best friends that candy needs in her life. 

Hyun. Hyun hyun hyun. He started off so cute? Like he was shy and flustered and was a sweet coworker who obviously was into Candy. And then he got pushy, and Rosa got pushy and Alexy got pushy and EVERYONE is forcing candy to be with him. Like the game ruined him before they could even develop him. He’s just, he has such a bad and cringy vibe about him now and I really don’t know what the writers were thinking when they made him. The way he treats other romance options and the way he gets jealous and salty if you show interest in someone else. It’s just....gross. 

The characters I feel have been done right though: Castiel, Priya and Amber. I wasn’t the biggest Priya fan but I have respect for her, Castiel has grown up and matured and he’s just overall nice to be with and Amber I want to fucking date or at least be her best friend.

The game is failing, they continue to do things in their own best interest that’s hurting their fanbase heavily. But you know what? What they’re doing is guaranteed to give them more money from the fans that do stay. It’s guaranteed they will make profit from these cuts. Less AP and $? More people go to the bank. Beemoov knows what they’re doing and that’s the worst part of it all. They took a really unique little Otome game and turned it around to be like every other game out there. They took away their illustration customization (or at least minimized it) each character now fits into a trope without ever leaving it: Bad Boy with a soft side, designated girl, Famous one, boy next door kinda guy:aka the best choice, and the forbidden older one. The writing is cliché and focuses too heavily on the side characters.

While I love the characters and would love to get to know them better I also don’t want to waste all of my very limited AP to learn about them to this extent when I’m playing a ROMANCE GAME. I’m here for the romance, and the love and the crushes and everything. This company has singlehandedly taken this beautiful game and ruined it into something they gain profit from.

They should have let MCL die when High School ended, focus on their new games and let this one die peacefully. Doing this has created so much hate within the fandom and so much bitterness. The company is running itself to the ground and yet,, they’ll never crash.

All of these beautiful and wonderful characters that I have had the pleasure of growing up with will now forever and always be tarnished. Throwing away three main characters and bringing back two was the worst choice they could have ever made. You either keep the main 5 or change all 5. Bringing two back is just straight up cruel.

This rant is a little all over the place and it doesn’t really have a main focus, but if you ever want to know my feelings on the game @sakurina-mcl explains it, beautifully in all of her posts so go ahead and check out hers. She puts all my thoughts into words better then I ever could

[leonardofrei-blog]

I have come to bring this dead Tumblr back to life solely so that I can say this (S7 spoilers)(also really long because I like to write)

I absolutely loved Voltron season 7 and it is my current favourite season

I’m doing this post thingy because I’m seeing a failry big backlash from fans here because of the events of Season 7 and pretty much treating it like the worst season ever so I”d like to throw my 2 cents into the mix

The actual plot of this season (the Galra war on Earth and everything around defeating the fleet and the battle that comes right after that) is good, is just pure and of quality GOOD

the 3D animation was also amazing compared to other seasons, that fight coreography on the last fight was simply amazing

Just throwing that out there becauce the things that actually matter get buried by the hate

the main things I see people complaining about: the whole deal with Adam and Shiro, Lance and Allura’s relationship and Keith and Acxa’s possible future relationship

The big deal here is of course Adam, he’s Shiro ex boyfriend

and he dies

the shitty commander refuses to listen to the dude that knows bout alien stuff and gets all of the best pilots killed when the invasion starts, including Adam

the controversy here is that the crew has been hyping LGBT representation ever since 2016 and when they finally deliver it they kill the character

Personally I’m okay with it

the way they dealt with Shiro’s gay arc is that they completely ommited the fact that he was gay up untill now, and even then it wasn’t a big part of him or he’s identidity, mainly that the fact that he’s gay only affects wich person he has a romantic interest in, not who he is as a person, wich is great because it distances himself for any form of tokenism wich are rarely done well

Adam himself wasn’t much important, the scenes we got of him during the flashback were not the main focus, he was a side character on a scene designed to explain and develop Shiro and Keith’s relationship, counting the fact that the scene in question is him breaking up with Shiro since Shiro would put more focus on the missions than on Adam or himself, given he was sick

That (and the fact that Shiro spends 6 seasons without ever even mentioning him) shows that while they were a thing in the past, that’s it, it was a thing of the past, he’s still care for Adam as a person or friend, but lover was never the question, (also because Shiro is the calm and collected type and in the middle of a war situation like that it would be in character for him to hold anything back, specially since they were about to go discuss important stuff) and the scene that he dies? well a lot of people do, they likely just used Adam to try and get more emotional response of the scene where a bunch of people we never heard about die offscreen deaths

Characterwise, the whole thing with Adam was fine, he had one purpose and he filled it, while also introducing Shiro’s sexuality in a normalized way, instead of making it a big deal for his character, wich is indeed wasted potential, but when it comes to representation, normalizing it does better than bringing attention to it

the whole thing about they introducing a gay character solely to kill him, yeah I can see why people would find it offensive, specially since the crew did alluded to a lot bout a character being gay, but then again they were refering mostly about Shiro and most of the hype and attention drawn to Adam was made by the fans for the fans, so yeah

Next is the whole deal with Lance-Allura-Keith-Acxa

as we all know Klance is the big ship of the fandom, everyone seems to ship it and you can’t find a single Voltron crack video on YT without finding one with a Klance reference on it, that also likely led to the popularity of the theory that Acxa was Keith’s long lost sister that no one ever mentioned

long story short, fans wanted Lance to move on from his crush on Allura since she showed no romantic interest on him, and people wanted Acxa to be Keith’s sister because it would be different and if they used the scenes they had to build a relationship it wouldn’t be good since they had few scenes together and a lot of them revolved one of the two being attacked by the other one

I’ll do this quick, Lance’s entire romantic plot revolved around him going from “this chick’s hot I wanna date her” to “Oh my god I am in actual love with this beaultiful and amazing woman”, spending 6 seasons worth of development of that and just have him choose to get over it and not get with her is simply dumb and makes no sense, you don’t spend that much screentime of a character building said feelings up to then have they give up when the other one doesn’t immediately love them solely to sell this idea of maturity, if that was the goal they’d focus more on it on earlier volumes and deal with it quickly (plus he literally died for her, kind of awkward to not follow through with the subplot after that)

the deal with Allura not being in love with Lance, well it happened mid season, while she was still being woo’d by Lotor and before she learned he was comitting genocide on a global scale

Also note how these relationships were build up, Lotor did nothing but constantly tell Allura how awesome she was and how he’d never get anything done were not for her, he was constantly making moves on her by forcing this romantic vibe on a constant basis, basically he won her over by constantly using pick-up lines

the scene where she learns that LAnce actually loves her and not just hits on her like he used to do to every other girl, her reaction was that of pity/sadness that he felt that way because she liked Lotor

Then Lotor turned evil and on a non romantic scene (wich ironically is what makes it romantic) Lance comes to her and pretty much does the same that Lotor did, tell her how awesome she is, but unlike Lotor, it comes from a place of actual respect, Lance admires and respects Allura as an individual, and that is why he grew to love her, she realized it by the end of season 6, and knowing he liked her would help getting her to either start liking him or getting the feelings that were there to emerge and morph into love, culminating in the scenes from the last episodes where they make it clear she also loves him

Grantes, yes it short of came out of nowhee given that on previous episodes they basically had no interactions by themselves, specially on Allura’s part that would help show a progression

but then again next Season IS the last season to they might have rushed it because of that, this show has always had some pacing problems in the end

Acxa and Keith tho, they have had few interactions, and I think that is enough

unlike Lance, that had a lot of his character based on a romantic subplot, Keith has a lot of plot going on for him, so it is not necessary for him to get a lot of screentime dedicated to it, specially since Acxa is a really secondary character that doesn’t appear much on the plot

the whole scene with the other ones basically screaming at the camera that she had feelings for Keith were probably meant for the audience to make it clear, given how many people were still passing the whole sister theory around (even tho it was never shown to have any proof or anything that would led one to consider it being true, also because having them being siblings given the ammount of coinsidences that led them to believe and form a very weird and f**ked up “friendship” would just be bad writting) and because Klance was still a thing going strong, also the characters didn’t pay much mind to it because it was clear the others were just taunting them

it does seem that from now on they will build something that could become a relationship, since they already had short of a mutual respect and now they can build it up more without needing to kill each other everytime they meet

Overall, this insanely long post is solely my opinion on the matter, that Voltron Season 7 was amazing and that maybe I can get someone to look at it on a new light

Hopefully

seriously tho it was an amazing season, I mean have you guys seen the final fight? Holy S**t

[honeyedmilks]

strong woman do bong soon- the tumbly review

this is gonna come out as a straight up hate post from a tired soul, about a show that could’ve been everything but wasn’t, and i make no apologies for that. it’s messy and unkind (not as unkind as i could be) but... i’m fairly honest.

what i’ll be talking about: 

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon (2017)

a biased summary by :

Do Bong Soon, our female lead (played by Park Bo Young), is super strong- thanks to a power that’s been passed down the ladies of her family for years. there’s a serial woman hater in her neighbourhood terrorising everyone, and she gotta stop that asshole! there’s also some good looking men in this show with like four love lines too keep things interesting, and some flailing gangsters who are out there too that she beats up now and then, drinking feces wine. And if this sounds like an awful mess then good, i’m doing the show great justice then. 

a general statement and warning about this show: 

it’s not good. if you’ve not seen it then please do not waste your time and instead watch literally anything else. i say this out of love for you. if you want a female lead who’s cool and cute and punches things then watch legend of the blue sea. it may not be perfect but it’s better than this.

the production: 

the show is visually very pretty in some sense. stylish wardrobe choices, nice landscape shots, cool sets, and a whole showcase of good looking people. 

the directing and special effects, the tone of the show, it can all border cheesy, but the intent is to come off quirky, funny and energetic seeing as this a story about a woman with super human strength. 

it’s a bit comic bookish, which again makes sense due to the nature of the show and it’s characters. except it doesn’t work all the time. especially not when the bad guy of your show is hardly a comic book character. he’s a misogynistic guy who likes beating up woman and kidnapping them for his own twisted pleasures. 

the directing and writing of this show fails to balance out the light and the dark in this show, by downplaying Bong Soon’s powers and by diluting the story with meaningless backstories and characters we didn’t need. 

the performances of our leads vary. but the main cast are well known actors, and carry a lot of talent.

Bo Young manages to make our heroine likeable and relatable for a while. She’s believable and gives the show some spark.

Ji Soo who plays our muddled in the heart copper Guk Doo, can be painful to watch in the first half, you end up not liking him and his harshness, but Ji Soo brings a likeable softness to him in the later half. 

Park Hyung Sik, much adored and admired by fans, takes on the role of our lonely chaebol, but he’s not just rich and sad guys, he’s also a video game creator, spy man and tech genius, with flawless skin, who goes by the name Ahn MInhyuk. Hyung Sik’s performance starts off lovably eccentric, bouncing between suave and smart, only to slowly dissipate into boring and even annoying. I’ll talk more about him later. 

our side characters are even harder to digest- mostly unlikable, with the funnies wearing off far too early in the long run of the show, we don’t care much for them- except from the woman, held hostage by the shitty but uninteresting serial villain.

there were so many plot points that were awful that just slashed the quality of the show too pieces, and i can’t even begin to talk about them.

the soundtrack is nice. it matches the zany inside of the show for the most part. it’s noticeably more fun when we get to Bong Soon’s super hero antics. 

the show is bright, bubbly and cleanly set on the outside when it’s a cutesy office rom com, but turns bleak and even mesier when it tries to get serious. 

the romance: 

loads of people say that they only finished this show for otp loveliness but i couldn’t relate. 

people made gif sets with epic romantic quotes... you know those quotes where it’s like “that one guy who looks at this super strong woman and they’re awesome and shit and he loves her strength and shit...” you know those kind? yeah that’s nonsense. here’s why i think so:

Minhyuk sucks as a romantic lead and a partner well mostly when you ship him with Bong Soon. i’m not gonna lie. i was really excited for them at the start, i was head over heels for those moments when he called her sexy for calling him out on being useless and such. i liked their friendly interactions together, but... when you add her strength in the mix, everything turns sour for me. 

Ah Minhyuk... i’m not saying that he should love her for her powers, or because she’s someone who has them. he just saw her as Bong Soon, which i mean.. i guess you can call sentimental? but when he says stuff like “yeah ya strong but your just Bong Soon.” like that’s not... romantic?

he doesn’t trust her when she’s like a million trillion times stronger and powerful than him. i don’t see why she had to go to this guy to “control” her powers. i don’t like how he doesn’t think highly of her powers- he’s just shocked and “shook” but not ever in an admiring way. maybe on the surface, it seems like it but... if you look really closely at the way he says things... it’s not like that. 

he sucked at helping her when she lots her powers, didn’t comfort in the way you would have hoped.

he underestimates her when she’s A THOUSAND TIMES STRONGER THAN ANYONE ON THIS EARTH- I mean almost everyone has seen a super here movie right? mary jane admire spider man, but also loves peter, but trusts him, he’s always doing the saving but she doesn’t think she’s better than him. lous lane and superman? pepper potts (a cool ass woman btw who’s honestly a bit like min hyuk when it comes to some of her skills) and iron man? thor and jane? yet... swdbs... minhyuk is still the super hero. and there’s no one relying on Bong Soon to save the day because ... she’s just a woman... we need to protect her... we can’t let her endanger herself to save some people when... she’s the only one who possibly could. 

this thing in their relationship where he loved Bong Soon with or without her strengths could’ve worked if they had done it well. like if he actually saw how much of a loss she felt when she lost her powers(which she lost for... what reason again?)- instead... it was so underwhelming. he didn’t see her powers as special and heroic... he didn’t see something so amazing like that to be a great loss to her. 

i mean, he’s always down playing her powers- loads of people do, but it’s worse when he does. he’s asked her if she was actually a man and then an alien, like you believe a man could spin a car with their bare hands, but not a woman? so obviously she’s an alien if not a man? how am i supposed to enjoy a female superhero when all anyone does is try erase the fact that she’s a woman?

there’s no empowerment that makes you feel anything for them. that’s usually something you sense but it’s just not there. it’s normal to be worried for your partner but there’s literally no sense of trust and admiration. it’s been a while since i watched swdbs, but i’m pretty sure when Bong Soon saves those women Minhyuk isn’t even happy about it... did she not apologise? that’s nonsense. 

it’s not just that aspect of their relationship that bothers me- it’s how whiny and annoying Minhyuk can be. people romanticised his “won’t you love me?” line but it’s not a good line. it’s not a romantic line that’s makes me swoon or makes me feel like Bong Soon should like him. he comes off as clingy and pining and like she’s got to be with her because he likes her so much. 

he made his bodyguard make him meals... i don’t care how sentimental and sad he is over his mother. he literally moaned on at her. 

he kept a tracking device on her? 

he gave her a desk in his office. it was a cute desk alright, but he did it to keep her close and he didn’t even take her video game designing game serious; everything about their relationship is so flat. 

if he was such a skilled fighter, did he really need to have Bong Soon as his bodyguard? (she was also a terrible bodyguard but you know). 

i know i’m nit picking, but i could over look some of these things if there weren’t so many things that made no sense to me. if only half of these things weren’t based on weakening Bong Soon and her relationship with her super strength. 

i blame a lot of this on crappy writing because this could’ve been about Bong Soon and her journey to being a hero but it was just nonsensical. 

it was all done so crudely that... i just don’t find anything solid about it. 

i felt no chemistry- i liked them best when they were bickering or just being friendly. 

like Bong Soon saw her powers as some kind of hardship? something she couldn’t show Guk Du, who she was in love with for so long, but sure Minhyuk sees them and accepts them, but he’s not there to help her realise all the things she can do, or admire and respect her. NOTHING MAKES SENSE. 

i don’t even know if i’m right in thinking that Minhyuk could’ve been someone to help her harness her powers and be supportive and help her on her way of becoming a superhero- because does a man who loves you have to be the one to make you see your worth as a hero? but he didn’t even not do that, instead, he just felt like an obstacle telling her that she may have powers but she’s still just Bong Soon. 

It just seems like a confusing jumble to me. 

were the writers trying to normalise her powers in their relationship? because i could watch any other crappy show with a strong woman who’s human talents are put under her to save the man’s fragile masculinity. but she’s got super hero powers... super heroes are admired and thought of as freaking cool and shit- it’s supposed to be awesome and all that jazz. it’s not much fun otherwise

all these things just annoy me. because if they wanted to make Bong Soon’s journey with her powers be her own, then why was Minhyuk such a useless involvement in them? why did he have to come save her from getting stabbed... why... if they’re gonna add romance in with the story line with her powers... why are the writers so scared of making her powerful... why does she need this mediocre mans help? 

i don’t care if he’s a ceo... or a tech genius... he used the lgbt identity as some kind of publicity thing, he’s not nearly as zany and cool as he could've been as he just ended up as another person telling Bong Soon she’s not a superhero. 

this ain’t the avengers- it should’ve been Bong Soon’s story as a badass super hero, why do i have to see Guk Do and Minhyuk devise some genius dumb ass plan at the end? why not let Bong Soon defeat the asshole on her own? 

why are people scared of a woman being mighty? and a man being there for it without having to to larger than her? while caring for her safety at the same time? it’s just so poorly done. all these things shadow over any cuteness and softness these two had. 

Bong Soon, I see why she would fall for him, but in the end, I really didn’t care about them. 

it’s almost like her powers are a plot device for their romance. it wasn’t an epic story about a girl with out of this world strength. 

i guess their is a development that can be viewed as nice at that point where Minhyuk has to process the discovery of our leading lady being the same mysterious girl that saved his life. he has to love Bong Soon but also separate his idolisation for this hooded girl from his image of Bong Soon and then combine it all at once so what he feels is real love for Bong Soon as he had known her before. so it’s not some twisted sort of mess that’s him loving but then also being with someone he imagined as an angel sent from above by his mother. 

it can be seen as romantic that he would take a knife wound for Bong Soon and call people to take her wild drunk videos offline, but it comes at the expense of Bong Soon and her image as a strong women. like she can be weak at points in the story, it’s called character development, but to be constantly pulled under him isn’t what i would call pro female superhero story telling. it’s not feminist and it’s not a romantic dynamic i want to root for.

his heroic acts kept climbing higher than Bong Soon’s, and when we got to hers he was still there, apparently doing half the work.

the characters: 

Minhyuk: some final ranting about him. i’ve noticed that Hyung Sik has a pattern when it comes to acting out his male characters; no matter how soft and cute they are, they always have this brimming masculine toxicity to them. in swdbs it’s really unbalanced (even worse in hwarang). i honestly tried feeling sympathy for him, with his messed up family and his dead mum and all that but he was honesty no fun to watch. he wasn’t offbeat and interesting. he was saturated down to some rich ceo manly man who said that he was a “healthy man” instead of gay. 

like he could’ve been so much interesting if he actually were bisexual or a supporter of lgbt rights, if he weren’t making Bong Soon do this and that, asking if she were a man and pining here and there- honestly these characters are such a waste of potential. 

Bong Soon: i’ve not talked enough about her. i like how she can be brash and i like how she can be caring with her friends, and i know she’s not a genius of any kind but she can be a bit thick. the writing sacrificed Bong Soon’s intelligence for plot points- like she wouldn’t be that careless to send her friend out on her own when their’s a kidnapper out there would she? and then be so mad that she had to catch the guy? 

she has like three interests. Guk Do, video games and cooking. i just wish she were more developed, i wish this story was about her and not a thousand other things. 

i really loved how feminine she was at the same time as being strong. you can be powerful and kick ass, unashamedly girly and womanly and sensitive all at once, without erasing any of the other things to make way for the other. but lazy sloppy writing didn’t let these aspects of her character shine.

i liked how Bong Soon, for the most part, was very unlike her mother. her mother was abusive and mean and even though the show tried to redeem her, she still should've been called out for her behaviour because if you’re gonna write how woman can be just as horrible as men who are domestic abusers then you better hold them to the same standard and let your viewers know that it’s wrong. 

Bong Soon was flawed, and i’m not going to lie about that- but her flaws were used for comedy. and i don’t know if i like that or not. 

i wasn’t a fan of how she favoured people over the other- like the case with sleeping Guk Doo and Minhyuk but now that i think about it... i don’t care if she treated Minhyuk meanly or cursed him behind his back.

the way she viewed her powers and the way she handled them... was a convoluted tangle. she wanted to keep her powers secret and couldn’t hurt people but ended up making a mess almost everywhere, she said she never used her powers to help people and we were supposed to see this decision she made to step up and use her powers for good as a turning point but we know she’d been doing kind things with her powers for a while by helping old grannies up streets and saving people from the fate of a broken bus. her relationship with her family gift is not clear. there is no clear arc in this story

she’s not a fantastic female lead, which should’ve been the case since, well, THE SHOW IS NAMED AFTER HER AND HER STRENGTH. so that’s disappointing.

but again, in the hands of capable writers, she could’ve been an audience favourite. 

Guk Doo: at first, we all pretty much hated him. whenever he came on screen i felt like i was suffering for some sin i committed in the past week. 

but in the end, as we got to see how he felt about Bong Soon and when he found out about her powers- i really liked him. i liked him when he told his (not great) girlfriend about how he felt about someone else. in fact, i liked Guk Doo because he was never short of caring. even though he was busy and forgetful, he always tried to make up for it. he still cared about her. okay so maybe the whole bit where he realised he loved Bong Soon was a mess but again there’s the case of rubbish writing. 

he didn’t think Bong Soon was fragile and needed protecting because she’s a small women. he didn’t say his type of woman has to be small and flowery and fragile out of vanity or misogyny... he says it because that’s what he thought Bong Soon was, as she led him to believe. I phrased that badly but in short i’m saying he loved Bong Soon as he thought she was, and loved her still and as much with her powers in a way that felt sweet and sad (because as that moment rolled around when he found out about her powers, her heart was already somewhere else). 

dramabeans said it better and i’ll paraphrase: this image of his ideal women that he painted out loud was based around Bong Soon and when he find out about her powers and how she’s not as weak as she led him to believe, that feeling of love didn’t change.

he was also mature and almost gentle while he handled the discovery of her secret, fairly well might i add, as he realised all the things he missed as they were growing up. 

the villain: awful, who’s crimes on screen could potentially hurt people who’ve been abused in the past as they watch. the fact that the point in this was to have a women hater be defeated by a powerful woman was not driven home well. it could’ve been so good but instead we got a noodley thin version of this premise.

side characters: they were tiring. we didn’t need half of them. some stayed too long and the joke soon turned stale. some where offensive. Guk Doo’s girlfriend all i can say is... at least she talked to him and was honest in the end (after doing things behind his back). 

in conclusion:

i’m tired of people saying that the main pair are a power couple and that they’re the otp of all otp’s. 

the show is so overrated. it deserves the harsh comments that come it’s way. it was rampant with offensive bits for laughs and maybe we could let this show slide if it weren’t for these rubbish jokes, and how serious it took it’s main themes of women and power only to botch it completely.

other people's posts have been much more concise and articulate as they describe what i’ve talked about. these are just the thought’s i had to get out of my sore head.

here is a post that is very clear about what’s wrong with this show, in a much quicker way. and i whole heatedly agree with it. 

anyways. yeah this was rubbish and if you have high hopes for this like most of us did, then you’ll be sorely disappointed.

[qrhymes]

My Fire Emblem Franchise Rant Part 2: Gaiden’s Remake and The path of Radiance.

So in my last post I wrote about the general appeal of the franchise to me particularly, so in this post, and before we submerges in the more particular elements of the franchise, I want to acknowledge my current concerns with the Remake of FE Gaiden and the absolute pick of the franchise, in my opinion, Path of Radiance.

First of all, I don’t have anything against remakes; moreover, as a concept, I think they are great.

In some respect a remake have the same appealing, to me at least, that a good fanfiction the possibility of explore the same world, character and ideas in a different way, expand the original themes, twist them, give them a new perspective, play with the possibilities, etc.

Hollywood have conditioned to believe that remakes (and similar) are shit, but they can be pretty good if done correctly. Just a few months ago a watched Bates Motel, the re imagination of 1960 Alfred Hitchcook’s classic Psycho, and you know what, it was great.

It wasn’t perfect in any mean, but it was everything that a remake needs to be. For the start the series  explore the origins of Norman in a new light, his relationship with Norma change completely in respect with the movie, they explore the relationship of both with the rest of the community and in the end was great experience overall. They acknowledge the original movie but, in its core, it was its own think.

But the funny things is that this is not the first revision of Psycho (Leaving aside the sequels), There is 1998 version, a remake shot by shot with Vince Vaughn…and I’ll be short with this, is the equivalent of a HD port for a new console.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t condemn the mere fact of port old games to newest systems, in fact in some cases I think that is actually needed. Compelling the multi console franchise of Kingdom hearts in HD, in one console and with all of the Japanese exclusive extras, that is great

(..this is amazing, reallly great job guys…)

but in the other side of the coin we have things like HD ports of Majora’s Mask and Wind Waker…

ha(…Yoda is sad, sad and disappointed…)

And this came from someone that loves this games, Majora’s Mask, is one of my all-time favorite Games and I still have and play the collector’s edition from time to time…and yeah, the game looks great and have it for the go is awesome

But this is really enough to satisfice me? We had become so shallow that we can’t play 64’s era games anymore, we need that all of our games are in HD and have beautiful artwork to want to play…

“…Oh my god, the new artwork looks so great, and Celica looks gorgeous, a difference of her shitty awakening design, and she doesn’t show any skin, she by sure the greatest female…”

Oh..OOOH.

And look, this came from someone that actually put thinks, like the art directions and the characters design in a fucking pedestal

(…Guilty gear is my favorite thing ever created just in this fact alone )

I believe that a great design is not just an eye candy, is also an opportunity to flesh out a character even before that we can know them.

But cute Design don’t make great characters, good writing make great character…and if you wanna hook me with a design I more in the badass ladies kind of thing.

(…OMG TItania you’re so fucking gorgeous…Badass in deed…)

But I digress, my concern with the game is that it just will be this, a glorify port.

And this is my major issue, not just because this was what actually happened with Shadow Dragon, but because this is what the fanbase want and expect to be Shadow of Valentia…and I need to disagree.

Look, there a lot of forms of that you can love a videogame beside that is good.

I love the ridiculous Shadow the EdgeLord for the same reason that makes it a horrible game. I love the laughable plot, love the damns and oh my god the fucking guns…It’s fucking hilarious.

(…I don’t know who was the genius that think this was a good idea…but if you’re there, let me know you that I love you…)

It lives in his time as master piece of the so bad that is good and, i thnk that a lot of people see gaiden in the same e same way.

Revolutionary for his time doesn’t translate in good game for the here and now, you can respect it for what it did and enjoy it for the same reason, and a game (and everything for the matter) can be revolutionary and good, but if you wanna make this old mechanics that were perfected in the natural evolution of the same franchise, I just need to say not thanks.

And don’t misunderstand me, I want to like Echoes, and if intelligent system wants to make Echoes In a sub series I wish them for the best results because  I want a future remake for judgral series, for the Elibe Series and eventually for Tellius Series, but I want a remake in my terms, and if in the end Echoes only will be this graphical updated series of games, it would suck. The text book definition of wasted potential because it’s a lot of things to correct and improve if we end with remakes of this games.

Don’t just make the graphics pretty for the new fans, expand the story, include the support mechanic that is synonymous with the series, make Alm and Celica actually interesting (And no, that your plot don’t break your narrative doesn’t make you good, moreover I prefer a deeply flawed plot that at least takes chances over a by the numbers forgettable plot…In a side note the trailer looks as if were expanding the narrative of the kingdoms, only hope that they do this with the whole game), re design the maps, include the skills mechanics and holy shit if you need to keep the random encounters please, please, at least makes them fun to play (Because yes, during Awakening and Fates all of us were bitching about the disconnection between the chapters and the story and this is how you wanna fix this, with random and more inconsequential encounters)

…

I been too harsh with a game that hasn’t been even released?

Yes, and isn’t not actually Echoes fault, if the reception of the release would have been I little more colder, with a little more concern…I’ll still be bitching about it but I want to think I would be a little more nicer…I guess… but with the a good bunch of fanbase sucking his dick and claiming that Echoes will correct Awakening and Fates Issues and just ignore the fact that if we receive just a graphical update  we would end with a literally step back for the franchise.

I really hope that Shadow of Valentia ends being good …but we’ll need to wait to May to know that.

So in the mean time and,after finally get that shit out of my throat, is time to talk about something a little more nice, Path of Radiance.

If it’s no clear now, I’ll repeat myself, Path of Radiance is my favorite game in the franchise, I won’t call him the best FE game (I still believe that, this title goes to blazing sword for been the epitome of what a FE game needs to be) but it’s by far my absolute favorite.

The question now is why?

Because, If well regard, FE 9 has always been overshadowed for the more appealing and vastly more known Gba games, for his controversial sequel, it’s graphics issues and for been in a console.

So again the question what make it so good?

Simple and clean. The story.

Path of Radiance has by far the best narrative in any Fe game, and not just because it has a lot of themes and ideas that explore very well but, also, Path of Radiance has the best structure a rhythm of the series.

And this isn’t something that we discuss much in the community, and if is drag out is just to say how they fuck up in awakening (Let’s see, the Plegian war start in Ch. 6 and ends in Ch.11, there is not an actually campaign or a cohesive story about the wars progression, just random missions that ends with the player defeating the main bad guy) but if we look Path of Radiance’s structure we found out that is actually pretty great. The story it’s made-up from a well-rounded number of sub arcs, which form this mayor arc that is the Crimean-Daein War. Each of them has a natural progression and relevance in the majority of its chapters, with actual themes that are explored in each one and well-made resolutions that actual build up the world and the great story that are the game as a whole.

But why tell you if I can show you.

PoR starts low but consequential, not with a war breaking out, or random missions that don’t matter in the great scale of things, no, the game first chapters are entirely dedicated to develop our future protagonist, the Greil mercenary, we know them as individuals, as a mercenary group and as a family, and because of that they are infinite more memorable and interesting that the Shepherds because the game actually invest time in them before the plot actually starts.

Just then, after we gave a shit about or units, it’s is that the mad King’s war begins, we found Elincia and now we have the final goal defeat Daein an recover Crimea.

But this is not something that we can do from the get go, no, we first need an army and for that we need to bring Elincia to Gallia. In the paper is a simple escort mission but the game uses this to put in the table a lot of concept and ideas, we learn about the world, about the laguz, the racism between the species, we are introduced to the MOTHERFUCKING Black Knight, we gained a personal reason to take part in the war, set the bases to Ike’s character arc, etc.

Then we need to take Elincia to Begnion, and more information is given to us, we learn about the bird tribes, we explore more about Daein and the racism and in one of the more cleaver moves of the game we are exposed to The Black Knight sheer badassery, not through a cinematic, but through Gameplay. In the middle of the chapter The Black Knight, is there, he is a fucking beast, and if he catch you…it wouldn0t be pretty.

After that we have the Begnion arc, and again more about racism, a lot of gray tones ,the past relationship about the laguz and the beorc, the incorporation of actual politics, the corruption in Begnion and the best climax of the Game, the Serenes forest.

And just now we start the actual campaign.

We learn more of Daien culture, more gray tones, we have a lot of individual character arcs resolved culminating in the Daein capital.

And from here we construct all to the ending, we retake the core emotional path of Ike character after all this path of learning that has been the war so far, we learn about Greil and the Medallion, we close the reaming sub-arcs, if finally time to confront the Black Knight face to face (but not before he remember us how badass he is) and only then we face Ashnard in castle Crimea.

It’s great? Great in deed …even in the most well regarded FE the general management of the arcs is okay at best, there isn’t a natural progression between the begin of an arc and his closure (the 4 Fangs arc and Ephraim’s Grado invasion are probably the best out of PoR and are still kinda “Meh” in comparison to FE9). Just think about it how much personal would been Orson confrontation If we would have 2 or 3 chapter trying of recovering Renais, showing the actual chaos and consequence of the Invasion or better yet, just throw 1 or 2 chapters that revolves in the actual consequences and complication to march to the capital to save Emm (And also introduce Mustafa in them, then we actually may gave a shit when he dyes)

And this is why I love Path of Radiance, my favorite game of the series.

Next time I would explore the flaws of PoR, the core of the support mechanic and the lowest point in the franchise.

if you wann read part 1 is rigth here:http://qrhymes.tumblr.com/post/156090659343/my-fire-emblem-franchise-rant-part-1-why-i-played

[sleepymarmot]

DS9 season 2 liveblog

[Season index: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 PS]

The Homecoming

They're opening the season with a three-parter about Bajoran-Cardassian problems, and Dukat will show up right in the first episode? The writers are not wasting time...

Sisko's unusually cheerful.

Again, I'm amazed at this new heroic O'Brien who is so unlike the background character I've watched press buttons for years.

One does not simply walk into a Cardassian camp! Unless you're these two.

This is completely crazy! What'll stop the Cardassians from destroying their ship?

Just as I was going to say "Why not beam the wounded right from the runabout?", they actually do so -- but just after exiting it. Is there any in-universe reason behind it, or just the ease of fiming?

Why is Dukat being so friendly? Maybe he has spies among the freed Bajorans? If so, it better not be Li Nalas himself...

Bashir you're embarrassing yourself -_-

Quark, why are you always such an ass to your brother? Is that really necessary?

Poor guy.

Oooookay?? The previous scene made me completely trust him, but now my suspicions are stronger than ever. He's replacing Kira? Seriously? That has got to be someone's plan.

Well, this episode was meaty. And it really seems like the show is finding its feet -- unlike Duet, this episode didn't remind me of the other series and feels uniquely DS9.

The Circle

Aw, Odo's being a good friend! I don't remember him ever becoming so agitated before.

Vedek Winn as guest star? *grinds teeth in advance*

what a mess... I don't know if it's funny or sad. What a contrast to Data's friendly, nice and organized goodbye party :D 

"These are my... these are my friends" 

Do the Prophets really need to show her this sexy crap? Also, I'm too faceblind, is the guy in the vision the freedom fighter or the priest?

Odo and Quark!

I don't understand, which of these two is trying to convince the other to support them? And I don't like how blatantly evil they act.

AUGHHHH NOT A STUPID STARFLEET ADMIRAL AND THE PRIME DIRECTIVE!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! GET THIS CRAP AWAY FROM ME!

(Seriously though, you say "Prime Directive", I hear "stupid bureaucratic crap that gets in the way of doing the obviously right thing". Either retire it or write it better, dammit!)

The Siege

Okay, I might change my mind by the end of the episode, but this might be the strongest of the multi-episode stories so far.

Aww Nog

"The Cardies" haha

Ugh, don't do the "wife asks husband not to be a hero" thing

The freedom fighter becomes a leader for real!

Sisko and Bashir turn and walk away in sync lol

"Is that a spider or a dog?"

Please stop ruining your engaging story with scenes about cartoonish villains...

I've... actually completely forgotten that O'Brien had been in the Cardassian war until this very moment. That's probably why he has been so opinionated, not just because of Picard. 

That's it? Kinda underwhelming.

Ugh, killing Li Nalas? I didn't expect this show to cling so hard to status quo...

The first episode was the most impactful, but the entire story is still very impressive, epic and engaging!

Invasive Procedures

End of previous episode: Everyone happily returns after evacuation! Beginning of this episode: The station has been evacuated

Quark and Odo: *bicker* O'Brien: Ughhhh get a room already

Previous episodes: main characters defeat the forces of the entire Bajor This episode: DS9 is easily hijiacked by a handful of mercs & amateurs

That's an impressive "As you know" speech, Dax

When will poor Jadzia get an episode that's not about her being victimized and quietly accepting death?

Yes, I get it, the entire thing is just a plot device to show us Dax without Jadzia (and hopefully, Jadzia without Dax, if she'll be awake for it?), get on with it please

I hope the second half of the episode is about Dax working against the antagonist literally from the inside

Well, it's pretty disappointing that Dax by themself has so little personality and moral compass. I guess Sisko was all this time really friends with just Curzon and Jadzia, not Dax. Honestly, it's easier to forgive Quark (who sort of redeemed himself with an amusing scene) than Dax after this episode.

I was planning to go to bed after this one, but hell, I need to wash down this nonsense

Cardassians

I see Bashir has gained a lot of confidence since Past Prologue

"I am no more a spy than you are--" "A doctor"

I guess not everyone is fine with strangers touching them haha

"To us, he isn't even one of them any more" uh.....

"They won't hurt you. They're humans, they're not Cardassians" jfc...

"Don't apologize. It's been the high point of my day. DON'T DO IT AGAIN." 

(Sisko seems to chew out Bashir more often than others. Is Bashir just the most undisciplined?)

Oh, here we go, O'Brien's anti-Cardassian racism again, makes sense for it to be in this episode

Poor Keiko, she's trying so hard

Miles is getting over himself! I'm proud of him

Bashir is learning to yell at people! Two episodes in a row now.

Um, Miles, I don't think it's a great idea to tell these things to the boy's father...

Dukat's neck scared me. is that normal

GOD IT'S EVEN WEIRDER FROM THE FRONT why am I so bothered by this lmao. honestly was their casting requirement "not only be able to look ominous without actually doing anything, but to have an extremely long neck so we could sculpt interesting things around it"? i'm sorry i'm gonna shut up about this now

Garak if you hold that satisfied smile for some time more you're going to turn into a child-drawn picture of a sun

I love that Dukat doesn't even bother to finish the conversation, he just turns around and leaves without a word the moment it becomes clear that he lost

Ugh, poor boy... What a choice. Abusive family he loves and considers his own or the planet of strangers from an unfamiliar culture he hates, both claiming to love him and expecting him to identify with them? Even if they didn't tell who took him in the end -- he gets a bad deal either way.

it's much more easier to take Garak seriously when he's not dressed like a grandma who stopped giving a fuck 20 years ago. that's probably why he does dress like this, though... but shouldn't that hurt his reputation as a tailor?

This episode was awesome! Exploration of social issues, family drama, political intrigue -- all tightly wound together and making perfect sense. So far the Cardassian stories are the highlight of the show, I hope it's going to stay this way.

It's really weird how Bashir changed between seasons. He hasn't gotten a lot of screentime apart from this episode, but he seems less naive, awkward and bouncy, he's grown more confident, and the crush on Jadzia has disappeared without a trace. Tbh I'm kind of disappointed -- I was expecting a smoother character arc that would let him grow before our eyes and phase out his immature traits one by one. Same goes for his relationship with Garak -- we've only seen their meeting and now they act like besties, how did they get here?

No, wait, let me get back to the plot of the episode. So Dukat had a politician's child kindapped just in case that politician becomes his opponent at some indefinite point in the future, so that he could go through another complicated scheme to humiliate him? Had he absolutely nothing better to do?!! Did he arrange something like this for everyone who could ever possibly cross him?

Melora

Um, Julian, that sounded a bit too much like Geordi's style of creepy almost-stalking...

Wait, Melora is Grace Holloway? :D I didn't recognize her until the familiar name appeared on screen.

She complains about being treated differently and about following the same rules as everyone else in the same breath. Did the writers make her hypocritical on purpose?

Why is he doing this? Is he actually interested in her as a woman? Does he want to help her acclimatize? Or to put her in her place?

Okay, the low gravity scene is pretty cute even if it doesn't make much sense

Daphne Ashbrook in all your fandoms, kissing all of your pretty Doctors

so far it seems like in season 2 the good episodes are better than in season 1, but the mediocre ones are worse

god, the writing and design are so bad, I don't want to list everything that doesn't make sense to me, let's just move on

Rules of Acquisition

I was tired but the plot twist woke me up!!

Dax is so sweet

Poor Pel :( Shitty Ferengi values win again I guess 

Well, I'm glad he took a stand after all. And that they kissed. HELP I'M HAVING FEELINGS ABOUT FERENGI ROMANCE

Necessary Evil

Aw, Sisko called Rom "a family friend"

...so do Odo and Sisko perform the bad cop-good cop routine often?

yoo a flashback! I was wondering how Dukat was going to fit into this

"Cardassian neck trick" I... think I've already said enough on the subject lol

First meetings!

First meetingS!

I was distracted for some reason and didn't appreciate this episode enough :/ But it was very good!

Second Sight

Yikes Sisko don't embarrass yourself

"She's a married woman" "That would have never stopped Curzon" ew

ah I've missed the starship uniforms

what a boring episode. can we stop with the love interests of the week, please? I don't understand why the writers are suddenly forcing them so hard this season, and watching three of these in one day has turned my brain into soup. okay, Rules of Acquisition worked, but Melora and this episode were terrible!

(only pros: gorgeous woman, gorgeous dress)

Sanctuary

What was even the point of the universal translator not working for a while? This had nothing to do with the story, and the only thing it did was to remind the viewer how implausible the entire concept is.

Second mention of the Dominion -- I guess we'll meet them in the season finale?

Yep, I'd be surprised if the promised land didn't turn out to be Bajor

Bajoran Leia!

Wait, why is famine a problem? Why can't the Federation just provide Bajor with replicators? Prime Directive again? I mean, they almost seem to want me to ask this question by cutting right to refugees in front of a food replicator.

Why are they so attached to the idea it MUST be Bajor? Ugh, I hate these stories.

Rivals

Are you implying that El-Aurians have supernatural abilities and all this time people confided in Guinan not because she's charming and wise but because she mind-controlled them? 

Julian is a NERD and Miles is regretting all of his life choices that led to this point

(Gosh, I didn't realize how much I've missed scenes where the main characters just hang out together off-duty)

8 minutes into the episode and I still have no idea what it's about

Are you saying that O'Brien and Bashir's tennis rivalry is legitimately the B-plot because I'm really into it

"Not in this space-time continuum you won't"

oh my goooood

wait a sec, the listener is only figuring it out NOW?! h o w

finally, a really fun silly episode!

The Alternate

Wait, so when Odo is in humanoid form, does he see and hear like us, or "percieve" like in liquid form? Does he have 360 degree vision?

Put it back! This is either a defense mechanism or the environment needs this column to function for some reason; beam it back down

So Bashir's crush on Dax isn't dead? We haven't seen it for so long, I thought it was over. But why is he monologuing? that's just bad writing.

plot twist! D:

god, this doctor is so creepy with his Measure of the Man reenaction

poor Odo is literally having a meltdown :(

Armageddon Game

Another O'Brien and Bashir episode, nice!

Poor Keiko

Bashir's speech about wife and children at home is weirdly sexist, especially since the previous episode re-established his interest in Dax, and his previous romantic involvement this season was a fellow Stafleet officer too -- he should have the opposite problem (which was already discussed in "Melora")!

aw Quark, you don't have to hide behind the Rules of Acquisition to admit you care

Whispers

Everyone around seemed to be acting like he smells bad, does this mean that's actually true?

"It's not doctors I have a problem with, it's--" "You, Julian"

jfc Miles, she's your wife, you should try to talk at least to her

Quark can't name a rule of acquisition by number? alright, for the first time in the episode I believe someone is fake

O'Brien is a badass

Are they absolutely sure the dead one is the clone and the real one takes his place, not the other way around? That was an awfully convenient excuse to shoot a Starfleet officer point blank without anyone asking questions... 

Poor communication kills. At first it seems like something is wrong with O'Brien, but since people refuse to talk to him about it, he becomes convinced literally everyone else is conspiring against him -- and turns out, no, the problem was with him after all! And then they kill him off for no reason just to maintain status quo and avoid the Thomas Riker situation. They could have told him at literally any point instead of being so stupidly vague, but no, gotta keep the plot moving for 45 minutes! Before they found the real O'Brien they could have arrested the clone and told him everything, I'm sure O'Brien would understand; and after they rescued the real one, they could have just transmitted the image, if they're so averse to words. And after acting so stupid, as a final insult the other characters keep talking over their poor dying friend in third person like complete jerks. The episode is great... until that ending. Which just doubles my frustration, because it's one thing when a story is mediocre to begin with, but it really sucks when a wonderful episode is ruined by shitty conclusion.

Paradise

Yes, yes, I get it, this woman would do anything to keep this way of life and probably sabotaged the technology in the first place

What's wrong with replicated food? I hate this stupid trope

did she send the runabout away too?

what the FUCK

look, it might be useful social commentary to depict these rhetoric and tactics, but watching it is still torturous

it adds another level of creepiness that all this shit is done to a black protagonist -- was it intentional?

she's a more proficient torturer than the guy from Chain of Command

this woman is one of the most horrifying antagonists in all Star Trek. she actually believes all this shit

the engineer is supporting her? they all want to stay? for fuck's sake. she made them all see five lights

well. if the writers wanted to upset me, they succeeded

Shadowplay

"How fascinating" :D

"Women don't react to me in that manner" What about Lwaxana, then?

"After seven lifetimes, the impersonal questions aren't much fun anymore"

Yeah, why does a 15 year old need a job?!

The local guy is surprised at Odo beaming up and back down, like he's never seen anything like this before, and two minutes later says he has scanned for transporter activity

I like how the Prime Directive isn't even mentioned :D Or is it a human colony? But isn't this the Gamma Quadrant?

"You want me to spy on Quark for you?" so excited, bless him :D

backstory for that one time Miles played cello on TNG!

I'm glad these villagers are not as conservative and stubborn as people from the previous episode

I am reminded how much more modern DS9's storytelling is than TNG's every time they namedrop the Dominion -- like Doctor Who did ten years later with Bad Wolf, Torchwood etc

I knew he'd transform for the little girl eventually :') Odo reminded me of Data more than usual this time because of the friendship with a child and the episode's general similarity to Thine Own Self. But while Data gets along with kids partially thanks to his own childish (in a good way) qualities, Odo is more like a grumpy but caring grandpa -- I'd even say there's some First Doctor vibe. 

(I'm a bit disappointed the episode didn't follow up on that promise of "Bashir practicing his purely theoretical spying skillz on Quark for Kira", because that sounds absolutely hilarious)

Playing God

Fun-loving cool senpai Jadzia is amazing

Interesting that Jadzia doesn't identify with Curzon at all in this case, despite presumably remembering their interaction from his point of view too

I didn't really understand how they solved the problem but I don't care

This is my favourite Jadzia episode so far. She finally got to show agency, have some fun, show off her professional skills, and explore her own identity (instead of standing around silently while other people explore it). And I love how other characters' scenes are vivid despite shortness: Quark playing tongo with Jadzia and giving well-intentioned if unhelpful advice to the initiate; Bashir's friendship with Jadzia and O'Brien; O'Brien calling across the border about his pest problem; Odo, Kira and Sisko's different approaches to the ethical dilemma.

Profit and Loss

Yesss! Cardassians!

Ooh Quark has romantic history with the pretty Cardassian woman?! This is getting better and better

A scene between Garak and Quark! is it my birthday?

"Personally, I find this style to be a bit too radical. But your friend seems the sort who appreciates that kind of thing" Does he know everything and everyone?! Though come to think of it, this shouldn't have surprised me at all -- even regardless of special channels Garak may use, these dissidents might be well-known to the point that their info is freely available on something like stateenemies.gov.car/wanted

I love how he casually rips an expensive dress to make his point

Passionate lover Quark is so strange to see

Odo's good at playing hard to get

lmao I've waited so long for someone to finally to hug Odo and... :D I do also love his relationship with Quark but I never expected these two things to intersect :D

so, did Garak change his mind on the fly or was he just stalling until that guy comes and can be disposed of?

alright, I amend my previous statement about one-episode love interests: Quark is allowed to have them, if all women who fall for him continue to be this awesome

Blood Oath

What, the holosuites have no sound isolation?! If so, who would ever use them for anything more... private than a recreation of a famous battle?

These Klingons have strange hair

It's so nice to see a young, human-looking woman as an equal to three old Klingons

ah bat'leth fighting, I didn't realize how I've missed it

-- and that young, human-looking woman is more of an old-fashioned honorable Klingon than the rest of them

what an outfit

I'm glad the Klingon interpreted her hesitation so favorably

*reads TVTropes* Wait, all these three are from TOS?! Damn... I could barely tell them apart. I really liked the episode, but turns out I didn't appreciate it nearly enough. Time for a little TOS rewatch?

The Maquis 1

What does the word Nor mean? Terok Nor, Bok'Nor...

The Vulcan woman looks great; nice dress.

"Jake-o" aww

Do Cardassians have a thing for showing up right in your quarters unexpectedly?

"We'll need one of your runabouts" "Where are we going?" Nice one, Sisko

"So you turn off my controls so I don't have enough light to take my photograph?" :D  

"Education is power. Joy is vulnerability" Dukat is being very quotable today?

"Of all the humans I've met you strike me as the most joyless and the least vulnerable" "I am when I'm with you"

Honestly it's as if they are writing Sisko and Dukat's interactions for me personally

I like how the Vulcan is taking Quark's courtship at face value

Wait, is Gul Evek that reasonable guy from Journey's End?

I'm starting to understand Preemptive Strike better -- so it all took place in the demilitarized zone? That makes sense. (How did I miss that?)

"I was looking forward to showing you more ways to mix business with pleasure" "Perhaps in the future. I do find you... intriguing, Quark" im screaming hooly shit I'd never have guessed that Quark of all people would be the chick magnet #1 on this station?? how did he manage to meet a woman this line would actually work on

good shit good shit

The Maquis 2

Sisko gives a show-defining speech!

"Vulcans are a species that appreciate good ears"

something tells me Dukat wasn't the one supplying weapons and the Central Command is trying to kill two birds with one stone -- oh look, this lie was so obvious that for once the characters saw through it right away too

"The Central Command wants him dead. That's reason enough for us to want him alive"

Interesting, Dukat suddenly started acting in a theatrical manner I've only seen in Garak before. Some Cardassian cultural thing?

Haha, I didn't even realize where Sisko was leading the conversation! He's excellent in this story

"With that kind of firepower, the Bajorans could have launched a full-scale assault on Cardassia" "And lost"

Damn, Dukat really has his Intimidate skill maxed out! Sisko fails the Paragon check, Dukat passes the Renegade check.

Finally we see someone explain to a Vulcan why they're being illogical instead of making some bullshit reference to emotion. I love you Quark

the only bad thing about this two-parter is that it kinda made me like the Totalitarian Lizard Man a bit too much??? how dare you. let me go back to my wholesome crushes on Bashir and Jadzia before I start stanning or something

oh, and also I hoped this episode would make the Maquis more sympathetic so I could feel better about Ro Laren leaving Stafleet for them... nnnot much.

The Wire

What a great episode!! I wasn't liveblogging at all because it was too intense. I don't even feel the need to comment on drama or character development -- the story and acting speak for themselves.

Alright, how the hell did Bashir reach Tain? How does one get the home address of the former head of secret service of a foreign empire?! And how did Bashir manage to convince Sisko to authorize this stunt and give him the runabout -- or did he steal it?

The "Elim" reveal isn't really a surprise after you've spent some time near a fandom where people tag characters by full name... 

What interests me now: is Garak going to act differently now that he's not keeping himself drugged? Will he go through withdrawal? In the final scene he pretends everything is Back To Normal, but... Or was the table-flipping scene the extent of his withdrawal symptoms?

Another disjointed thought: this is a wonderful example of a satisfying hurt/comfort story 

Star Trek has some amazingly intense dramas for two actors. The Most Toys, Chain of Command, Duet... This one is different because in order to bring the two characters together and at the same time isolate them from the rest of the world, instead of captivity it uses doctor-patient relationship. Oh, another story from a different fandom it reminds me of, now that I think of it: Scherzo.

Crossover

Lmao it's nice that even after leveling up at unstoppable determination and compassionate badassery in the previous episode, Bashir still can be a ridiculous dork 

...though it is pretty jarring that right after a high drama where he shows his capacity for patience and caring, and greatly deepens his relationship with someone, the next episode opens with the awkwardest attempt at befriending (and flirting?)

I didn't expect Garak to appear in two episodes in a row!

Why is Mirror Kira walking like this...

I started laughing at "I don't have a designation, sir" because my mind immediately went to "There's no need to call me sir, professor"

Female Cardassian guard! And Kira called herself attractive, heh.

Mirror Quark is dressed so poorly...

Okay, Mirror Kira definitely wants to fuck herself -- wait, that's actually canon? Do all evil Kiras hit on women? I wish they'd let our Kira do that too. I know it was written in the nineties, but I really don't appreciate the "evil=bi" trope

Well this was pretty weak. The only mirror character who works well, i.e. exposes the real character's darker side, is Odo. Kira looks just weak and hysterical. (Remember how I complained about her acting in the pilot?) Mirror Garak is actually less intimidating than our Garak.

The Collaborator

Can't say I'm very excited to see Vedek Bareil again. I liked him in his first episode for ideological reasons, but this romance...

Oh no, the Sydney Opera Hat is on the Promenade again? Is she planning another assassination?

"Welcome back. You're under arrest"

The episode was not engaging to watch, but I enjoyed the Grey Morality (tm).

Tribunal

These Cardassians have lost all shame, what do they think they're doing

Evek again, and I think another familiar face?

Yiiikes

Here comes the good cop

I'm glad they're not spending an entire episode on a Chain of Command remake. 

Not telling the accused what they're charged with: a deliberate ploy to mess with their mind, or do the Cardassians not even bother to think about these things anymore?

Huh, Odo had a Cardassian rank that's still valid? That's useful.

Alright, but wasn't O'Brien still declared guilty? So the scheme to discredit the Federation worked?

Also, a missing molar isn't good evidence. Maybe it means that man was just captured and processed by the Cardassians, like O'Brien. And why would a spy alter his appearance but forget about this? You'd think humans and Cardassians have different enough teeth that he'd have to get dental implants anyway. 

I found one good thing about the Cardassian "court"! The judge has fabulous hair.

The Jem'Hadar

Jake!

"I bet we'll have a great time!" "I know we will" Please don't say things like this in the opening scene of a season finale...

Aw poor Sisko :D

"Guess" "He said yes" "Guess again"

Aw Quark needs a hug

Aww kids

Aww Odo cares about Quark

"If the Dominion comes through the wormhole, the first battle will be fought here, and I intend to be ready for them." Well. That's a chilling line to end the season on.

As much as I like it when the Federation arrogance is called out, Quark's speech just doesn't work. "The way I see it, humans used to be a lot like Ferengi. Greedy, acquisitive, interested only in profit. We're a constant reminder of a part of your past you'd like to forget." Well, yeah! That was basically the original concept for their species! "Humans used to be a lot worse than the Ferengi" -- so what? 24th century humans are disgusted by the atrocities of their ancestors, so why can't they also be disgusted by the exact same things perpetuated by their contemporaries? Domestic abuse and sexism are wrong, no matter who does it. Note how this entire speech sidesteps the violent misogyny, aka the Ferengi's most obvious appaling trait. This is like saying "Don't judge the Cardassian state for being totalitarian! That's just their culture, you don't understand!"

General impressions

Bashir and Jadzia finally got some character development!

I live for Cardassian episodes. It's fascinating to see a dystopia in the universe that started as a utopia, and see how characters from both sides deal with each other. 

(Random thought: I want an AU episode like "Crossover" where another universe/timeline's Cardassia is a free state, and for a Cardassian viewpoint character our world is a nightmare scenario just like the Mirror Universe is for our heroes.)

I don't loathe Winn as much as I did in the first season finale. That makes her kind of underwhelming as a recurring antagonist. On the other hand, that might be a good thing, because getting so angry repeatedly couldn't have been good for my health. But because they're represented mainly by the hateful-but-not-enough Winn and the bland Bareil, the Bajoran affairs are usually not as gripping as the Cardassian. I hope to see more of their secular politics next season.

First season was very even; second has two irredeemably clumsy stories (Melora and Second Sight), but a growing number of outstanding ones, too. 

First season was already an improvement over TNG in terms of serialization, and this one is better. Both multi-part stories are brilliant, too. I hope this trend continues. 

A noticeable weakness in the first season was the mundanity of the Gamma Quadrant. No sense of wonder, no noticeably stranger aliens. The introduction of the Dominion and their overwhelming threat partially rectified that problem, bringing back some of the feeling from "Q Who". Yes, setting foot in a far corner of the galaxy should be awesome in both senses of the word, and lead the previously unimaginable dangers right back to your home.

The costume design has visibly improved in this season!

[anthropophagusthebeast]

nothing is worth talking about but what else is there to do. yesterday was totally miserable, i failed at everything, and then as usual, as throughout my entire life, my own feelings about my own experience are a burden to others and that makes me a bad person. i wish i had just stayed in bed all day, then i wouldn’t have had to get into anything that just winds up directly engaging me with the fact that i’m beyond help and it’s a problem for everybody else, who would all be having a great time if it wasn’t for me. my whole stupid life. i just don’t want to do anything because i know how it turns out but i just feel so obligated. people get just as mad at you for “not trying” as they do when you try and it’s a big mistake. there’s no way out. nobody gets how all the “little things” amass into one big monolithic thing that only has one message and one character: your life is hard because it’s a waste of time. when you’re a shitty person, one of the problems is that people treat you like some new form of liar, like you’re just making it up that you can’t do anything right, it’s all a routine for the benefit of your captive audience, to disguise the fact that secretly you’re great and capable of anything. as if anybody has ever had a reason to fail on purpose, as if anybody has ever just refused to indulge in their own greatness for some perverse and unknowable reason. it’s so frustrating that while i’m trying so hard and failing so theatrically, there’s this perception that it’s all my choice, i could just Be Better if i didn’t insist on being so stupid and incompetent and uncomfortable. god it’s so fucking funny too that right in the middle of this day that was just one compound failure after another--failure to do something, and failure to simultaneously act like everything is perfect--my parents would bring up humiliating early childhood shit, and some of it not even early ENOUGH childhood shit to justify how stupid it was. i hate thinking about that stuff. while they were at it i should have busted out the story about how i submitted something for this special writing test and the proctor made an example of me in front of the whole entire room filled with my classmates, to show how even someone who you think is “smart” can be a really awful, boring writer with nothing to say. everyone thinks it’s funny that i’m depressed and everyone thinks that the things i hate myself for, i’m doing on purpose and could just stop at any time. i mean if i were capable of being at all different or better, i wouldn’t have to feel like this. i care about my family but so often i just feel like i’m sick of talking to them. i want to just leave them to their own devices so i don’t have to sit there conspicuously looking out the window with nothing to say while they gush over the news of the day or some celebrity event or just like, what it’s like to be a published writer and an overachiever of great talent. like what the fuck am i ever doing in that room, besides anxiously struggling to keep my behavior in check so nobody gets mad at me for having the wrong look on my face, which i invariably fail at. like if only i could just be nominally involved and send a warm greeting card whenever they’re getting together to share their amazing successes and everything. count me out. i get up in the morning and i feel pretty sick, which i announce, and i kind of wish it had factored in to how the rest of the day went, like maybe i could have at least gotten some forgiveness on my energy level or whatever, but it didn’t matter. nothing matters. for some reason i cannot communicate to my husband that i’m trying to plan our trip to the liquor store. i’m trying to say that i can either do groceries now and he can go later if he wants, or if he doesn’t want to do that, then i’ll just do my whole trip later, and for some reason he tells me that he can go AND that he doesn’t have a good reason to go, at the same time, and for several minutes there was just nothing i could do to get my point across so i could get a real answer. then i make this remark about someone having red hair, and honestly most of the reason i said it is that i can never get on the same page as him about what constitutes red hair, so i adjusted my identification to what i think he always says, and he disagreed with me AND explained why i was wrong. it just got me thinking about all the basic material things in life that we cannot agree on, like “what tastes salty to me tastes sweet to him” sounds like a ridiculous hyperbole but it’s a literal example that happens all the time and it just makes me feel so stupid or like i’m going insane, that we can’t even agree on black/white up/down type of designations. i sat there thinking about every example of this and thinking about how i have to stop caring about this, i have to stop caring about this, i have to stop caring about this. i have to stop caring. i’m always telling myself this because it’s the only thing that makes any sense. just stop caring. my caring about anything never makes the slightest difference in the world except that i get upset, and then other people are upset at me for being upset, like it’s something i’m doing to them. and of course while i’m gazing at my bookshelf thinking about my list of things to never bring up again--don’t say who has red hair, don’t say what things taste like, avoid every single topic where your husband is reliably going to say an inside out version of what you experience, just don’t talk about any of this stuff again, it doesn’t matter anyway--he of course is suddenly at my side with deep concern in his voice about whether i’m annoyed because we disagreed about the redhead. i was actually honest and remarked that we’ve never agreed about whether someone is a redhead in our entire relationship, and then we went on to disagree about some more redheads, and i GUESS it was good that i was honest because supposedly that’s always good, but was it really? did it matter THAT MUCH that i didn’t just absently refuse to say if something was on my mind? i mean what difference did it make? i have these fantasies all the time about just never speaking again because i’m always wrong and i always have to back off, but then it’s also “wrong” to not speak, or speak less, that is ALSO something bad and abusive that you are doing to other people in the process of just trying to avoid unnecessary and irresolvable conflicts that don’t go anywhere. then we have to play this game i made him get me for my stupid birthday, or more specifically i caused him to get an extra controller by suggesting that we could actually play together, which i should have known would be a bad idea; things had been ok the previous day but then all of the sudden he started playing to shut me out completely, he cleared every single screen by himself before i even got my crosshairs on anything, i was totally incapable of landing a single point and when i decided to just stop trying as an experiment, it didn’t change anything that was going on on the screen, he just completely took over like i wasn’t even there. it seemed like i had two choices: either quit and just let him have the thing all to himself which is what was effectively happening anyway, OR try to remind him that this is a cooperative-not-competitive game and i don’t really want to play if he wants to score every single point while i just sit there, which would have resulted in him sitting around politely twiddling his thumbs while i struggle to catch up, which sounded even worse to me. so i bailed and somehow that had to be controversial too. i mean i forced him to get this extra controller somehow, and now we have this thing in the house that he went out of his way to get, that we can’t use because i’m not good enough for that activity, or not even a good enough person. yet another fuckup of mine that cost effort and money to accomplish. more things to feel guilty about. like yet again i’m not allowed to just NOT do something where i’m only going to humiliate myself or waste someone else’s time. like what is this societal obligation to just grin and bash your head into the wall over and over again so nobody has to be mad at you for not participating. then we talked to my family and i guess i made an asshole out of myself by trying to escape attention, and i FELT like an asshole while i sat there with nothing to say while my husband led this whole conversation with them--except for the times that we had to talk about my bad, sad, failed children’s art. like i tell this story about an object that i thought was mercifully long gone, but my stepmother brings it up, a “book” i made at a library event when i was a little kid, which i remember so well because the librarians were desperately trying to get me to string more than two ideas together and i just couldn’t, i just couldn’t think of a story at all, not even a ripoff one like some of the stuff i would write later when i was trying to live up to the accusation of being “gifted”, even with them getting visibly frustrated with me and breathing down my neck trying to explain to my little retard self about what “beginning” “middle” and “end” mean. maybe they thought my parents would be mad because probably they paid for me to do this little workshop and if my thing came out bad then they’d be pissed, like when the school photographer jumped up my ass about how i wasn’t smiling enough and i was supposedly acting like I was “angry at the world” when all i was trying to do was not take a picture with my big stupid hideous toothy grin that i felt terrible about, but he was probably just trying to protect himself from angry parents. anyway and for some reason my father’s response to this is to bring up this unbearably pathetic story i did when i was a little too old to be making shit like that, this miserably serious x-men fan fiction that included a talking crayon. this seems to come up whenever i try to bow out of the idea that i’m “talented”, whenever i try to say that i’m not creative, which is really true, somebody wants to mention like the saddest most pathetic thing i’ve ever done in my life. i’m 39 years old and i’m still hearing about it. it makes me feel like garbage every time, at least for the reason that something terrible i did when i was 12 or something is still the most memorable work i ever produced, and everyone laughs and i’m supposed to like, enjoy this somehow, or take up the mantle of amusing everyone with what a piece of shit i am, and do it with a smile and a good attitude. like everyone knows i’m a piece of shit but i’m not allowed to FEEL like a piece of shit about it, what kind of life is that? so finally i removed myself from all of this and just hovered in the kitchen trying to do the one thing that i almost do right every week, which is make this one dinner when otherwise i totally fail year after year to contribute to the meals in this house, and i completely fucked it up. my husband could barely choke it down, it was terrible to see. i really don’t want to do it again, ever. and of course i made some remark about how he doesn’t have to eat it, and that was a bad thing to do too, that also made me a piece of shit, an even bigger one. ruining dinner. ruining the game. ruining my family’s good time. ruining groceries. ruining everything. all i want to do is kill myself but everyone would be mad at me for that, too. some of my most moving fantasies are about people telling me it’s ok if i kill myself. it’s just ok. i don’t have to feel bad about it and everyone understands that i have come to the mature and reasoned conclusion that my life is a huge waste of time; if i don’t like it, and neither does anybody else, then it’s obvious that i should end it, everyone will understand and forgive me and be glad that it’s over. but of course that would never happen. i just can’t win, i’m not competent to just get through a day uneventfully, and whenever i show who i really am or how i really feel everyone hates me for it. i hate myself. who wouldn’t hate themselves for, day after day, failing to do anything good, and then everyone treats you like it’s funny and you should be laughing. there’s just toil and misery and it’s fruitless. the paradoxical insistence that you make a clown out of yourself AND act like you like it AND act like actually you are also capable of great things just like everybody else, OR ELSE you have a bad attitude and everyone has the right to hate you for it. i just want to die, all the time. nothing works and nothing helps. i fantasize about having a brain aneurysm and dying in my sleep, or getting hit by a car, or catching a stray bullet, or anything where i just spontaneously expire and i don’t have to do anything ever again. like right now my husband is fucking grinding coffee in our bedroom which is totally and completely abnormal, just to avoid me. what the fuck am i supposed to do. literally what the fuck am i supposed to do. communicate better than i can communicate. play better than i can play. be more creative and successful than i can be. cook better than i can cook. don’t be sad. don’t be confused. don’t be angry with myself about the same things nobody else likes about me either. don’t kill myself because then everyone else will be pissed off even more. like what could i possibly do to ameliorate things. just don’t be yourself, at all costs, do not ever be yourself. don’t escape. don’t forfeit. don’t quit. don’t have feelings. don’t have a hard time, ever. don’t stop trying to do things you’re bad at. don’t stop humiliating yourself. don’t stop acting like you like it. i wish my mother had had an abortion and i’m sure so did she. just kill me, please. or do i not deserve the fast death, either. i don’t want to do anything. just thinking about how i spent about $100 on trash bags because i was too stupid to figure out what to do. just thinking about walking out in the rain to “help” take the trash out, realizing that there was a problem, and having my husband yank the bad wrong bag i stupidly bought out of my hand and leave me standing there doing nothing while in front of me he dragged all the trash across the sidewalk by himself, shouting and cursing. and this is it, now he’s working in the bedroom. never happened before. it’s me, i’m garbage. i’m shit. maybe i’ll die. i ruined everything. because i ruined yesterday, i also ruined today. maybe it will turn out that yesterday i also ruined tomorrow. and on and on and on it will go. nobody knows what it’s like to just be trash. i’m afraid to stop typing because there’s nothing else to do. i can’t imagine going to yoga tonight. the only thing i feel in my body is this cortisol response. a cold rock in my stomach. imagining people laughing at me writing things like this and talking about what a pill i am after i’m dead. yesterday i was so upset that i started imagining animals, being deep in a forest somewhere and just taking comfort in the company of animals. it was alright until somehow the question came up of do i want to feel better, why don’t i just choose to, and i couldn’t respond to that. i just feel so bad. intellectually i’d like to feel better because then i wouldn’t have this exhausting problem. but it’s hard to imagine from where i’m standing, when i feel like i have this bottomless supply of grief that i can’t just pretend isn’t there. maybe i would like for people to feel more sorry for me, is that it? when i try to admit this stuff i start comparing myself to my most intensely selfish friend and it disgusts me but maybe that’s why we’re friends, because secretly i want everyone to pity me just as much as he openly demands pity. i guess it makes him better than me that he’s more honest about it. but like i don’t need people to somehow uplift the idea of me or anything. i just want to be dismissed. i want people to say “ah yes, claire can’t do this, she can’t do anything, we’ll just leave her out of it,” and then i want them to really do that and not roll their eyes at me or laugh at me or yell at me or treat me like i’m secretly depriving them all of something they deserve. just leave me alone. just believe me when i describe how i’m incompetent, or even demonstrate it! that’s probably the worst thing, just not being believed. when you’re trying desperately to explain your sense of reality and everyone just turns it inside out because it’s not convenient for them. because nobody in the world feels the way you do. i hate the way people treat the suicidal. i hated that documentary where the kid kills himself and his stupid friend dissects his suicide note to explain that it was all bullshit because all teenagers feel that way. well obviously all teenagers do not really feel that way because all teenagers do not kill themselves; they have good days and some bad days, they don’t REALLY hate themselves, they strive to be liked and have friends because they realize it’s possible, they get over it, whatever “it” is. just because someone isn’t eloquent enough to explain to you convincingly that their life is agony doesn’t mean that their agony isn’t authentic, that it’s just shallow childhood bullshit. nobody truly believes that you’re in pain until it’s too late, and then even after that, they develop all these theories about how your pain was inappropriate and flimsy enough to have been dispelled with a cup of coffee and a hug, so basically it’s your own fault for not “reaching out”. and now we’ve reached the desired conclusion, that it’s ok for you to be angry at people who experience lethal psychological pain because they were just being shallow lazy selfish jerks to rudely spoiled your day by choosing to make sure they never lived through another meaningless day again.