#social stuff and emotions have just recently been bleh
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I’m shy; no tags
the picrew i got tagged on was getting too long, so i’m starting a new chain! thanks @youcouldsayimalesbian ily
tagging @falling-chandeliers, @azula-sapicc-bangs, @yues-girlfriend @sifu-sugarqueen, @mais-murder-squad, @flerkenkiddingme, @nyanbinarykyoshi, @bi-turtleduck, @sukka-propaganda, @panini-the-bird-killer, and anybody else who wants to do it!
#not kotlc#fab fan fable rambling#long post#tw long post#long post tw#picrew#tagging games#reblog bait#also unrelated but I’ve been in such a slump as of late so like#tablet pen anon? I see your asks#I just#my brain doesn’t want to cooperate and respond to them Idk#social stuff and emotions have just recently been bleh#u know??#anyway fun picrew haha colors go brr
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Why I love EGS so fucking much
I first checked out El Goonish Shive many years ago. If memory serves, this was in the early 2010s. I don’t recall reading much that didn’t feel like wish fulfillment and it didn’t draw me in so I left it. More recently, a friend of mine who I got into killsixbilliondemons (one of the best webcomics around today) and who reintroduced me to the Mistborn series recommended it to me. I vaguely remembered a few aspects but had no real memory.
EGS is a bit of a mess, really. This is because in its earliest days (2002, amazingly) it was poorly drawn, over-the-top silly, and more than a little problematic at times. Characters were not so tightly defined and there was a lot of nonsense. There was a magic gun that would transform people (mostly gender and furry stuff) but it was... kind of bleh? It’s hard to say. The author has admitted that at that time he was worried about reactions to any sort of trans-related theme so he overcompensated with the character’s reactions to Tedd’s... thing.
By the first real arc, Sister, things were starting to come together. I don’t really want to get into details, but that arc, while flawed, led to some amazing stuff down the road. It was also the first serious plot, which gave it more weight than a comic that was mostly random nonsense.
A bit later the Painted Black arc came and that was rather good. Still far from perfect, but Dan’s art style was drastically improving and Grace’s backstory was explained. It was also a lot darker than previous storylines. Don’t get me wrong - darkness is fun as hell but sometimes there’s too much and I think later EGS managed to set a balance between sadness and good cheer.
I don’t want to detail every story arc by any means but I feel like those two were important milestones for the comic. They helped me actually get into it.
As the story is today (obviously there are spoilers so, you know, don’t read if you're worried about that), there are a lot of fascinating characters, many of whom are queer. Actually, I’m pretty sure most of the main cast is some level of queer (the only one who I’m not sure of is Susan, but she has other issues that are treated well). Magic is abundant but surprisingly logical in that it is explained in a manner that is consistent and its rules generally don’t bend or break.
The basics of it in that world are as follows:
* Normal people can’t do magic, but they can acquire it through the intervention of magic immortal beings (who usually only give them marks in very specific scenarios or when they want to get something done as they can’t affect the world directly)
* People generally acquire magic in the form of a mark, which gives them access to one spell. Through practice (and often an intense event, emotional or otherwise), they can awaken and start acquiring new spells (chosen by magic, which has a will of sorts)
* Uryuoms have transformational powers and physical abilities that are like magic but internal in such a way that they have resistance/immunity to a lot of magic
Note: Uryuom aren’t aliens but are aliens and I’m still not really sure about where they came from. They featured heavily in some earlier stories (especially Painted Black) but haven’t shown much other than as background characters since then.
It’s worth describing the main cast and also some auxiliary queer characters of interest.
Note: in EGS, the word ‘transgender’ was used a lot with regards to transformation spells/technology, but trans characters in the standard sense of the word do exist. When I say “turned into” I’m referring to magic that physically changes their bodies, not their identities (which are separate).
Trans and/or gender non-conforming (identity is weird, don’t want to paste the label of trans onto certain characters):
Tedd Verres - arguably the main main character, although there are many arcs where they don’t show up much. One of the original two characters. Half-Japanese and born with some rather unique magical potential (and lack thereof), AMAB. Tedd has always been androgynous but would get extremely defensive if anyone referred to them as female. They learn about genderfluidity from Grace in a glorious moment. As the story currently is they are working out who they are, and since magic is going to change they’re dealing with the emotional ramifications of whether they’d rather be stuck as a boy or a girl in the likely event that magic changes.
Elliot Dunkel - the other first character in the strip along with Tedd. He starts out rough when it comes to gender stuff (see last panel here, first panel is flashback in following strip) but ends up zapped by a transformation gun and turned into a girl. Eventually he dispels it with a crystal but that creates a double under the ‘curse’ (Ellen, cis) and gives them both powers. Elliot’s is the ability to transform into a girl (and shapeshift under those parameters). He’s at first frustrated by the fact that he HAS to (because of the circumstances of his acquiring said powers he is forced to use up excess magic energy or else he’ll unintentionally transform at random times, something that would be rather inconvenient), but later on he realizes that he’s never really cared about being a boy or a girl and he was just dealing with societal baggage. Oh, and he develops the power to transform into a female superhero. It’s great. Realizing that he actually likes who he is and that being fluid is a part of who he is (all glorious moments of character development). Seriously, he went on a date with his girlfriend as a girl and it was so fucking cute and they are adorable together and just wow it was so cute. Elliot’s agender but also somewhat genderfluid. Also, mostly into girls but definitely enjoys men as well.
Yes, both of the main characters (initially ‘boys’) later on realized that they were a variety of genderfluid.
Grace: Grace is part alien? (Uryuom insist that they are not aliens but their origins are still unclear), part human, part squirrel (Uryuom eggs can have DNA from up to twelve sources, to my memory). She’s a person of color who is a natural shapeshifter. I don’t recall where it is clarified but she doesn’t really have a sense of any sort of gender as she’s always been a shapeshifter and that’s just natural to her. Basically agender. Also, has discussed how human bodies shouldn’t be limited to characteristics of one gender, has explicitly discussed the lack of binariness to gender and sex and is just generally super wonderful.
There’s also one or two side characters who are trans and don’t have access to any sort of transformation powers.
Most relevant is Sam, a fan of an in-universe analogue of magic the gathering who is a closeted transguy (only is himself at tournaments). Also, an overdramatic doofus who is like one of those pokemon trainers who go on about wearing shorts because of how much easier it makes to run around. He is wonderful. He has a date (or a not-date because people are awkward) with one of the main cast members (Sarah) and as such is likely to become a recurring character.
It’s worth pointing out that of course EGS isn’t totally unproblematic (but what is, really?) and that in a world with magic transformation things can get a little weird but it’s definitely well done by more recent years. The stuff this year especially is just fantastic. Seeing characters break past socialization and realizing that they aren’t what they thought they were is fantastic.
Also, most of the other cast is some variety of non-straight:
Sarah (third character to be introduced) is bi (more into guys but definitely into girls too).
Nanase (Japanese) is a lesbian.
Ellen (Elliot’s female duplicated created by a cursed artifact) is a homoromantic bisexual (and dating Nanase).
Justin is super gay.
Also, a bunch of recurring side characters (or side characters who are definitely going to come back because of going on a gay date with one of the main cast members) are queer - Rhoda (bi or lesbian, person of color), Catalina (lesbian), Luke (gay, ethnically ambiguous), Ashley (Elliot’s new girlfriend, bi, east asian).
Lots and lots of gayness.
Apologies for general weirdness of the post. I’ve been dealing with a lot of mental health problems lately but I want to tell the world that EGS is one of my favorite webcomics and that whatever problems it has in its earlier years it more than makes up for. Give it a try if it sounds interesting.
Also, there are anime-style martial arts, founded by a man who mastered a few martial arts and watched way too much anime to the point of obsession and it actually works.
Dan Shive (the author) hasn’t explicitly stated his own identity but doesn’t really have a gender.
EGS tumblr - @egscomics
Also, reading the comic helped me realize that I’m genderfluid (not in a male-female sense but more of a female - nothing - weird stuff sense).
It’s good.
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Quick update
I was fucked up for like half of May
I have been going on many hikes with friends recently and seeing people a lot more
I have been getting away from weed and drugs in general. I did a little alp+alc tonight and it didn’t do anything. If anything, I ate and felt a lot less exhausted (protested today. An incredibly powerful and sometimes boring experience. Worth it.).
Because I have been seeing friends more, I am noticing my social tendencies and things that I want to work on. Weed brain does not help. But I think at the very least this provides the means to change those tendencies for the better :)
Listening to a lot less sad music, great! Listening to a bit less music, good! Spending less time with earbuds in, fantastic. Absolutely wonderful to be present.
I find myself very grateful and appreciative of moments a lot more now. I think the clicker has helped. I didn’t really use it today. I don’t care that much about it. It’s inconvenient and loud. Now I’m just like “damn this is good....holy shit this is really good” and it’s great!!! I do still click the clicker and use it occasionally. I find myself having an unusual attraction to the clicker. It’s comforting in my pocket and when I don’t have it, I find myself irked.
I don’t know how well Lydia and I really click, and I’ve recently developed sexual intentions, which I am reconsidering. Would be interested in seeing what cuddling would be like though.
My scheduling is pretty loose. I still don’t do much in terms of routine or daily things. A lot of time I spend on tumblr or with friends or just thinking or just staring off into space. I’d like to get back into Spanish and piano and pushups again. It was legit fun last time. Maybe planking too!
I am wayyyyyy more lax than I...I guess than I was with Addie. I still find myself being unnecessarily harsh and impatient in some situations. Though having weed brain and being high has definitely given me some perspective on how slower thinking can be really frustrating in itself and how learning can be a real struggle.
I do a lot of new stuff still. Things are always changing in one way or another around me. I do all sorts of things with my friends, and ALL BULLSHIT—>(my desire to be interesting or to literally just do stuff with my friends) what I really mean to say is I’ve met and developed friendships with some different people, and they expose me to things I would have never pursued on my own. I love my friends and they inspire me to be better.
I talk about my feelings. I am doing so well. I wish I had someone to sleep next to and touch and all that. But day-to-day, I am doing quite well. Lots of ups and downs. Downs are hard and they hurt. Sometimes that’s nice. Sometimes. Reminds me of what’s important. Ups can be really nice. Realized yesterday that I have a feeling of joy and connection (yes, the one from the best memory note, eating dinner with Lynna’s family) probably like bidaily. I laugh a lot, and smile plenty. I’m trying to stop laughing off serious things in order to avoid emotions. I really am getting better, overall, in so many different ways.
Got drunk + I was already tired last night and I had a lot of feelings and bad stuff and I masturbated to porn and ended up actually crying over it. I’m so sick of being an addict. I sleep with my phone in another room, and I try not to get drunk alone anymore. I am learning to identify and label my addiction voice. I am filling my life with other things instead of just trying to take away the addiction. I’m also addicted to weed, but that’s been somewhat easier to deal with, even though all of my friends smoke (cept Lydia). It’s hardest when my thoughts and emotions get really bad. But it’s easy most of the time. Being high is nice sometimes. Sometimes! But for many things I find myself doing, coming back to, enjoying...weed dulls the experience. I can’t stand craving things rather than wanting them. Makes me feel out of control and like I’m seeking things out for the wrong reasons. Which I usually am. Oh, and I’ve been doing really damn well with porn, mostly because as I said I was fucked up for most of May so usually I fell asleep within minutes and had absolutely no trouble sleeping. And porn hasn’t occurred to me as something I can do. I don’t think about it that much. Sure as hell masturbate a lot though, and I def use that clicker when I do. Kinda funny carrying around a button which does not carry with it the conditioning of any one specific enjoyable feeling, but a range.
The world is so fascinating sometimes, and going through rich neighborhoods and seeing the views and the architecture and the landscaping is a good way to be grateful, and to realize you have opinions about a lot of things, and sometimes they’re abnormally strong or weak. But you must cling to the things you feel strongly for and investigate the things for which you do not feel much. Perhaps there is more underneath!
I ended up cleaning the whole downstairs, dusting and vacuuming over some places more than once, washing all the towels, the sink, the counter tops, putting things away, the whole lot, even banging the seats of the chairs in order to encourage dust out, in order to try and seem appealing to Lydia. She said “is it always so barren/blank in here?” That’s how it felt to me too. I’m gonna start drawing again.
I’m in my 20’s, dude.
I might look for jobs in the USAF and I might apply soon, or just after summer ends. Free college, cushy job...no real threats, potential for deployment across the world. Good stuff! I’m feeling a lot better about how I would handle basic and the military in general.
It’s nice to receive validation from others, especially when it’s something I’m not particularly confident about, but recently...I don’t know. I should be invited places. I should be thought of in a positive light. Not all of me and not always, but most of the time, in general. I’m funny, observant, strong, and brave. I have seen all of those qualities shine in myself recently and I’m really...I’m really doing well.
You will love yourself. You will continue getting better. You are shredded. You kick ass.
You WILL try in your relationships, so help me god if it makes it so that I ask the same questions to every single person or that I have a formula that best works on people to get them to enjoy talking to me and for me to enjoy talking to them, I don’t give a fuck! I wanna enjoy people more. I wanna connect more. And that comes from me. To stray somewhat from music, to be curious in more in general, to learn facts and jokes and questions and to learn how to listen and to DO more so that there is more I can cling to in someone’s response. But do not listen just to reply...it’s nice to say what you wanna say, but it’s....it doesn’t always feel good. Feels like you’re discounting or erasing what the other person said. Bleh. Nighty night son.
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