#sobs. im so hungry
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decided to try putting together a cute little loading screen for atbb and hyperfocused too hard and now i am having dinner at midnight without even actually knowing how the hell i'm gonna put this onto the blog yet so here look at them bouncing weeeeeeeeeeee
#trousled arts#i GUESS#atbb#sobs. im so hungry#i dont even have the energy to ramble and rant in the tags to make them 3 miles long. god#im going to go have a shitty microwave roast beef sandwich goodbye forever#edit lets all pretend i didnt fuck up the timing on edge ok. hes just excited dont worry about it
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This Donnie and Raph move from Owari, while short-lived, changed my brain chemistry permanently.
These two end up having THE BEST battle choreography in every series, you actually can NOT change my mind. Unless you're talking about the rise movie choreography
We need more acknowledgement regarding Donatello's strength and Raph's agility in this series, because there are multiple moments where this boy is dramatically spinning and twirling. I think Donnie can bench press a schoolbus if he tried.
#shredder get your dogs checked out those things are foul#tmnt 2012#teenage mutant ninja turtles#spoilers#yeah... this is literally the s4 finale lmao#video#flash warning#owari and requiem my beloveds (said while sobbing my eyes out)#PUT THOSE GRIPPERS AWAYYY#also this is so satisfying to watch after seeing how disorganized they were in earlier episodes...#the development regarding the unity of their fighting... their teamwork.... ouuugh.... im hungry....
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[555] Here is an Etho enjoying a sandwich and chips.
#a rare maskless etho#etho#ethoslab#hermitcraft#etho fanart#ethoslab fanart#day 555#im so hungry its leaking into the etho#sob
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im devastated. i got a microwaveable curry from costco and. its not good. Why
#I JUST WANT FLAVOR. PLEASE. THE LACK OF SPICES IN MY LIFE RN-#i didnt see that the label said 'mango'#and its unexpectedly peppery#two flavors i Do Not Like!#which is deeply unfortunate bc i can taste how good it is Under those two prevailing flavors!#i wasted rice on this....#i thought i was about to have a decadent as fuck breakfast...#now im just sad! i miss having access to so many different places for the occasional takeout...#no thai... no indian... no chinese... no korean... no japanese... no mexican...#im Suffering out here. i can go get subway or mediocre burgers. thats pretty much it#cmonnnn american cuisine tends to be so fucking bland.... i want Flavor... where is the Flavor....#my taste buds are crying. they're sobbing. they are Wailing#absolutely unprompted#ive started to daydream about all my favorite restaurants ive been to#brazilian barbeque... shabu shabu... my beloved chinese takeout location... korean bbq... roadside tamale stand...#farmers market bao vendor... french bakery... the place with Banger pad see ew... the sushi restaurant with awesome bento & veggie rolls...#the boba store with delicious dragonfruit bowls... mall mongolian bbq... hibachi.... tea houses... many many more...#MAN IM MAKING MYSELF SO HUNGRY#nothing in this house or in this town will satisfy me#one of my great loves in life has been taken away! Flavor! delicious food! Where Is She!
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I tried dieting yesterday but it was fucking awful I'd rather be happy than skinny
#i probably also went about it the wrong way. bc my goal was to not eat anything but dinner#which is stupid especially bc we have dinner between 9-10pm#i ended up caving and having a cheesy bacon roll and salad before dinner#but that was still just. not much food at all i was so hungry#and i don't want to start sobbing at work again and i feel much happier when I've eaten so#idk if i want to diet i could go about it in healthier ways but can i be bothered to do it at all?#not really. i choose happiness i like food#but there's also not really a need to lose weight bc I'm not that fat (and even if i was so what)#i had a look at myself in the mirror for the first time in months and like yeah im fine just incredibly dysphoric#so yeah. i choose food#i chose food when i finally did have dinner and was like my god this is much better than not eating#ofc. anyway knowing my fuckass metabolism i wouldn't even lose weight anyway#and if im going on T soon that will change all that so there's no point doing anything now#and when i go on T ill be hungry asf so i don't want to eat less then
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DECIDED TO CHANNEL MY RAGE INTO a fun lil story thing. Will there be more? Maybe if this actually blows up and I feel like it.. I'mma do some pre story context then jump right in.
‼️‼️TW: IMPLIED CHILD ABUSE AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT
Pre story context:
1. Juniper knows ONLY PARTIALLY of Tay's feelings and past to her family
2. Tay's only vaguely mentioned "disliking" her family
3. Juniper is trying to help btw she thinks she's helping
4. due to Ivory being the favorite, she believed anything her parents said so her parents fed her lies on to why Tay feels the way she does
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO HUZZAHH
Tay and Ivory had always seemed "joined at the hip". They were inseparable up till their middle childhood years, then it all changed. Their parents were going through a tough time. Ivory kept herself ahead and afloat in school, doing sports, all she could to be the best. And it worked. Her parents gave endless praise. Going to all of her games, assemblys, awards shows. Tay, however, just couldn't. She couldn't keep up. Falling behind by the days, weeks, months, years. She grew frustrated, not as much as he parents did. With their problem, they seeked an outlet. A sort of, "source", to their problems. Tay was their answer. Praising her sister while mocking and ridiculing her. Everything she did, was "wrong". Which caused her to grow angry, to lash out. Her grades worsened, calls from school more and more. "Tay got into a fight", "Tay threw an object at a teacher", "Tay argued with a higher up". She practically lived in detention. She hated it. She hated herself for it. But she didn't want to admit it, too stubborn for her own good. She needed an outlet. A blame. Seeing Ivory have all the love, all the attention. It was perfect. She grew a festering, bubbling, HATRED towards her own sister. The one she called her other half. She couldn't stand her. Every move she took, every breath she made. She wanted her dead. Her mind plagued her with thoughts. Thoughts she never thought she could or WOULD ever ponder up. While Ivory graduated high school, Tay ran away. The thoughts consumed her, she needed to get out. Quick. She couldn't wait till graduation. She would've even graduated too. Despite her grades, she would've just passed enough to graduate. No one claimed her certificate. Tay lived her life, doing jobs for people, even finding a girlfriend. She was living well for a short time. Though soon. Slipping up. She was caught. Spending a years in jail, nothing drastic. Mostly due to pleading innocent. Finally, being out.
Tay squinted her eyes from beating sun on her eyes, a honking heard in the distance. Her girlfriend, Juniper, waiting for he in the car. A warm smile plastered on her face. Opening the door, Juniper gave her the warmest hug. Warmest she ever felt. A thought, crossed he mind, but she ignored it. Shaking her head as she forced up a smile awkward smile, "hiiii juni", "Oh c'mom Tay! Tired?" , she nodded. Tired. She gave a sorrowful smile and kissed her cheek, and started to drive. Tay made a small face, a feeling of dread just. Sinking her stomach. Soon enough, they arrived at Juniper's apartment. It was a small part of the city, the poorer side, but neither complained. Tay got out the passenger seat and grabbed her belonging from the trunk. Juniper freaking open the complex's door, fetching an elevator ready. Tay just gave a silent nod as she walked in the elevator, Juniper gave a, less energetic, gentle smile as she walked in. The elevator doors sliding behind her. Gentle creaking is made as the elevator rolls up, stopping at their floor. Juniper going out first to open the door as Tay walked behind with her stuff. Silent. Once inside, she just threw it to her room's corner, closing the door behind her and staring up at the ceiling. Today was her sister's birthday. She didn't bother. A buzz from her phone as she saw the message, 'you are invited! To Ivory's 25th birthday! Don't forget the date! Saturday the 23rd', 25 already? God was she old. She was one to talk, being just behind at 23. Just as she closed her eyes with a soft sigh, Juniper busted open the door. "Sweetheart! Ivory's birthday! I just got the invite", odd. Juniper was never introduced to her family. "How did you-", "I.. Uh.. Kinda went to look for them? And did..?" , Juniper looked down. Sheepishly. Tay felt a frustration rise up from her, but before she could say a word. She just continued to lay on the bed, arms spread, staring up at the ceiling. Juniper knelt down. And laid beside her, head under her fore arm. "Are you mad?" , Tay grunted. "No, no it's fine. I. I don't blame you. And, sure. Finally out of jail, wouldn't hurt to see my sister finally." Juni had a quizzal expression, though shrugged. Next Saturday. Can't wait.
The day came. The weeks flew by. Here she was, in her best flannel. A present in her palms. Her girlfriend in a casual dress and jacket, holding her arm. Her heart was racing. She hated this. Before she even opened the door, a face she hadn't seen in, years, opened up. Ivory. Her afro flowing with the door opening so quick, a stupid little paper party hat, a simple dress and heels. She squealed and hugged her, Tay let out a soft gasp. Before awkwardly returning it back. Ivory's hands rested on her shoulders, eye to eye. Ivory gave a gentle smile, "welcome home."
The party was, there. Tay hid in the bathroom the second they got there, there for around 30 minutes before a gentle knock. "Taytay? It's me, Ivory. How are you?", she stayed silent. Ivory opened the door, Tay was on the floor between the bathtub and sink, knees at her chest, staring at the semi grout lined tiles. She gave a sympathetic smile and knelt down in front of her. "What's wrong?" , she asked while tilting her head. Tay had a mild fury in her eye, but took a breath and responded, "I don't want to be here." Ivory looked saddened from that, Tay realised she fucked up her words. Stammering slightly, "no-...not because it's your birthday! I just. Don't..", she shut herself up. They grew up in the same house. She should know. Ivory tried to reach a hand, but Tay scooched away. With a frown, she got up. "The party's still going, if and when your ready. I'll be outside the door. Family missed you, y'know? Mom and dad too." They. Shit. She forgot they'd be here. Almost slipping on the tiles, she got up. "Fine. Let's go." , Ivory was gleeful. Wrapping and arm around her's, and leaving the cold bathroom.
The music was blaring, chattering all around. The backyard littered with small balloons and confetti, a small snack table near the back and a food table. Juniper can be seen playing tag with some kids, she chuckled softly. Still at Ivory's hold. Going to a few uncles and aunts. All seeming ecstatic to see Tay back, every time they did. She felt warm, they were soon broken by backhanded comments. "Oh you were such a good kid! What happened to you?", "Well look who decided to show back up!", "Wow! I never thought I'd see you again, after you stormed away". They ached her every single time. Growing to her last nerve. After greeting and striking convo with all her uncles and aunts. It was time. Her parents. She felt her heart pound, her palms sweat. She felt like she needed to throw up. In a little edge of the party, where the resided. They were thrilled to see Ivory, of course. "Oh how's our little sunshine doing! Great as always!" , "Mhm! Another year, not getting any younger and not getting any slower!" they all laughed heartily, except Tay. She frowned slightly, stopping when they did. They stared at her in silence for a bit. "Ah, Tay." , her dad spoke. There was a thick awkward silence. "Thomas. Eleanor." nodding slightly to their names. Her mom scoffed, "names??? Did I not give birth to you?", "yah, uh. Sorry. El- mom. dad." They seemed proud of themselves. "Much better, now, how's you been? I heard you got out of priso-", Ivory interrupted. "DAD." , "what? Am I wrong? Did I forget to take my meds again?" , her mom snorted with a laugh and elbowed him teasingly. Tay wasn't amused, "yah, and?" , "well I mean I wasn't surprised, seeing how you ran off just two days before graduation", her mom chimed in, "oh yah! All over a little disagreement, you could've been just like your sister, y'know? She's studying to be a lawyer! You might need her for, whatever you do.", Tay gritted her teeth, Ivory gave an awkward laugh. "Haha, ok mom that's-", "Oh! And I can't forget your little phases! Oh! You were such a comedian". Tay was puzzled, "...phases?" her parents gave a glance and chuckled, "oh don't you remember! Your little gay phase, your tomboy phase! It was so silly", "mom I don't think-" Ivory tried to chime but was cut off, "oh it was such a funny thing to tell the family every time you were gone! And who's that?" she turned her head to Juniper, who was playing some games with the kids. "A friend from prison?" , her dad said with a chuckle. Again, Tay was not amused. Far from it. "That's my girlfriend." , her parents disregarded for a second, before snapping back. "What." , despite how long Tay had been around tougher people in prison, she felt. Horrified. She nodded. Her mom gave a face before scoffing, "ugh, so the woke media DID get you. Knew it. If only you stayed under my roof you could've been saved. Right, Thomas?" he nodded like the suck up yes man he was. She felt her blood boil. "I left because of everything you put me through." , her mom was shocked she spoke back. "Excuse me?"
"All that shit? You and dad's near divorce? You falling to addiction and nearly losing the house? Dad cheating on you? None of that ring a bell? You two were too pathetic to seek help or just break it off all together you decided I be the perfect outlet, right?" , "TAY LEONA JACKSON." , her dad shouted. The music lowered. All eyes were on them, even Juniper stopped in her tracks. Watching. Startled. "AM I WRONG???" her tone mocking her dad's earlier tone of how he joked saying it. "All because I wasn't 'little miss perfect' like sweet baby Ivory? You two were too god damn pathetic in your own shit that you left me to rot and kicked the corpse. Every single DAY in that house was a living HELL. I LEFT THAT DAY. BECAUSE YOU, MOM." Tay was yelling, going from a horrid rant to just screaming all the dread a d frustration from her gut. "THAT 'little disagreement' WE HAD? Oh don't you remember? You'd found out about my first girlfriend and beat the fucking shit out of me. That 'little argument' was me pleading my last innocence to you that I'm still you baby girl. Until I FUCKING HAD ENOUGH. I LEFT ONCE YOU WENT TO GO BITCH IN YOUR ROOM. I never fucking looked back. YOU MADE ME NEARLY KILL MYSELF. TILL I PACKED MY BAGS, AND LEFT. YOU'RE NOT A MOTHER AND YOU NEVER WILL BE, ELEANOR." Tay was shaking with rage. Ivory was shocked, speechless while watching behind her. Tay snapped around, "OH AND DID LITTLE MISS PERFECT KNOW NOTHING?" she yelled while jabbing a finger at her chest. Ivory gasped, "I-no! I didn't-!" , "LIAR. WE SHARED A ROOM. AND YOU KNEW NOTHING??" Ivory was in a panic and at instinct looked at their parents, all she was really fed were lies, they were too pissed to speak. Juniper rushed over, wanting nothing more than to try to help Tay. Tay pushed her away, "AND YOU. I TOLD YOU TO KEEP OUT OF MY FAMILY. IT'S ALL COMING BACK. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? TO SEE MY CRACK? YOUR JUST LIKE THAT FUCKING GROUP I MET YOU IN." Juniper tried to fight back to calm her down, "no no! I didn't mean- I just wanted to try to help! To try to bring you closer to your family!" , her voice was tear filled. Tay was scaring her. "THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You know what. I'm done." She gave a shakey breath. Squeezing her own arm. She brush past Juniper, Juniper not far behind. "Wait! Please! I'm sorry! We can never see them again! Just come back..!" Tay grabbed her by the face with a hand. Hard. Juniper let out a pained squeak. "Don't bother finding me. Keep my shit. Never call me, text me. I don't want anything to do with any of you." she pushed her back by the face and walked off into the night. The party silent. Juniper sat on the floor, breathing rapidly. Her face felt hot, there was a slight red mark from where Tay held her. Tears burnt her eyes. She never wanted to let her go, she wanted to help all she could. But in the end. She lost her. All together.
#homepage#ocs#im scared of my ocs#my ocs#oc stuff#others ocs#lesbian#angst#angst with a sad ending#fanfic#i think#these r my ocs what#trigger warning#plz blow this up#im so fuckin hungry i'll eat the mold in my closet#im so tiiiiired#im sobbing#i got class in a bit#i got carried away#whoopsies
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trans girls should be able to roll up at any burger joint and get whatever they want for free forever. pease. please. pelase. please. plea
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#being a cashier is absolutely horrible#my first day actually on the register was during today on black friday#it triggered everything that's neurodivergent about me#it was extremely overwhelming to the point i cried#sobbed even#i was completely lost#and apparently on my 4 hour shift#im not supposed to have lunch#but the lady that was training me told me to go on my lunch#and i was also really hungry so i thoight it was okay#but apparently it wasnt and nobody told me#also nobody told me i was supposed to clock in and out before and after my lunch#so i was on my lunch during my work hours#so i fucking cried and that same lady told me to sit out bc my face was covered in tears#:(#i dont wanna do it again tomorrow#i wanna be in my partner's arms instead
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me bc I don’t blame u if u want to bury me in ur memory im not the girl I ought to be
#mitski#mitski is life#i love music#mitsuki miyawaki#mitski my beloved#i love mitski#goodbye my danish sweetheart#retired from sad new career in business#mitski album#save me mitski#mitski miyawaki#mitski music#mitski memes#mitski mitski#mitski lyrics#im just a girl#mitski is so me#mitski is love#me core#literally me#sobbing shitting crying????#i’m hungry
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I tried to eat my first meal of the day but it was all gross because I cooked it wrong and I kept burning myself and idk if I can eat it. It's kind of starting to feel really not worth it
#me: *microwaves pizza rolls*#the pizza rolls: *become soggy lava paninis*#me: *sobbing* why do i ruin everything#depression hits different when im so dissociative i can basically view myself from a 3rd person perspective at any time#like yes i am aware im acting silly however due to ordinance of my brain chemicals going funky i can do nothing about it#i am still very hungry hnggv#but now i dont feel like eating cause i fucked up already and im tired
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i know i say rhis constantly but wow i am so at my breaking point
#my grandma is about 2 die so my moms mental health is gonna tank so hard. which is already is#and i cant help her cuz i dont live there anymore but god this holiday season is going to fucking suck#my chronic pain is getting worse. ive been barely eating for the last month cuz i just have no interest in food basically at all#broke down sobbing yesterday because it hurt so bad just trying to put my laundry away cuz my job is tearing my body apart#idk. i thought i wld be able to quit in a month or two but now i cant.#i dont have a light at the end of the tunnel at this point. nothing makes me happy im always hungry and in pain and fucking sad <3#so i guess ill just sit here and cry and then go work for 8 hrs and think abt kms the whole time like i do most days
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just realized the new title is from a frozen 2 song but im too lazy to scour my spotify for something better
#OH MYBGOD WAIT NO#THE ELSA X GOJO SHIPS ARE GETTING IN MY HEAD#im actually going to#i don even know#side note im actually so embarrassed over the previous post fjsjdjsjds.#like thats actually embarrassing#😞😞😖#anyways.#im really hungry but its literally 1 am and im not getting up rn#*sobs into hands*#my eyes are fluttering shut as i type this
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hi guyce
#whats up.. accidentslly hung out with my sibling for 6 hours 💀 its ok. i played assassins creed 2 a bit#awwsome game. little me loved it#sort of mad bc now i only have an hour 2 be awake sobbing#and.then i hadb2 make my lunch. and welll i didnt feel th container all th way bc im hungry#so im eating the 'leftover' now and i overseasoned 💀#whtevr
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I HATE IT HERE .
#thayne yaps#sad face :c#im so hungry and i dont have SHIT i havent eaten since breakfast yesterday i feel like im gonna pass out help#i hate my grandma shes such a bitch#screaming crying sobbing#self post#divorced parents </3#dads house
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ok I might be late.. but I probably won't be
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IM SQUEALING SIMONNN SIMON PETRIKOVVV MY BELOVEDDD price idk or care if you've seen already this we both know we're insane over this bastard @marshmellopie so deal with it AAAAAAAA im probably going to spam ur dms, dear platonic husband. (that sounds very odd)
Weeeeeeee
#rb#simon petrikov#SCREAMS VIOLENTLY#if the op ever sees the numerous notifications and looks at this one's tags: i am so sorry for spam(ton)ing your notifcations#i just really like your art man#man not being gendered bc idk ur gender and im too hungry for your art to double check before reblogging anything :insert sob:
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