#sobbing pls wtf

[baeshijima]

hsr devs what is this assassination attempt against me do u hate me that much?

[steezyheadbangr]

Rare pairers of tmnt, hear me out.

They’re inlove.

[sasug4y]

OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE SAIOUMA WHAT THE FUCK UGHDJKSJDIAKDKKSJEKDKCN PLS WHY ARE SAIOUMA FANFIC WRITERS ALLERGIC TO FUCKING HAPPINESS WTF (i just read 25,244 on ao3 and i’m CRUMBLING…)

anyone seeing this pls recommend fics that are angsty with a happy ending or something because I CANT KEEP READING ANGST ONLY… (i literally read dear saihara~ last week bro,,)

[wahwahmoment]

my @attollogame mc, isaac! before and during attollo. he's just some guy (until the horrors get to him)

[mysticallilac]

okay but how does one write griddlehark.

[bi-lil-guy]

SAD PAIMON LITERALLY BREAKS MY HEART OML

[aria0fgold]

CHECK THIS ASK ONLY WHEN YOU HAVE GOTTEN A MEMORY TITLED "Memory of Confession"

Okay so! Now what you're gonna wanna do is go to Dormont and talk to Isabeau by the favor tree. When presented with the options of "wait" and "...", choose "..."! :3

AAAAAAAAUGGHGUGUGUGHGHHHGHGUUUGHHG WHAT THR FUCKKKK????????? BROOOOOO YOU CANT BE FR RN ouououoghghggugjisninyhaauuaauaaaaaaoaaaoiuhjhxgsv

[andariyadoesart]

Look, when I said I would read some more TGCF over my break this afternoon, I didn't mean I want to inflict emotional damage on myself.

Just... What in the "Black Water Arc" just happened?!

[nervocat]

I'M GONNA THROW UP

[idmakeitbehave]

HOZIER JUST CAME ON STAGE FOR THE BOYGENIUS ENCORE I AM DEAAAAAAAD

[izzy-b-hands]

Ongoing PTSD breakdown trauma stuff below the cut, pls ignore, just need to spew it somewhere that like. I know my feelings will be safe to have and type up and whatever. Also, sorta? mild our flag spoilers under the cut bc my brain is a mess and I use characters I love to help metaphor out and explain my own shit so. yeah. that's also a thing here.

Motherfucking random traumatic memory abt Mum fucking. Randomly hitting me while I'm writing fic (for no apparent reason, no idea what triggered my brain to throw this at me when I WAS NEARLY DONE WITH THE FUCKING FIC NO LESS)

So goddamn rude. I'm off my track on the fic now, so I'm setting it aside for the night (we have Ren Faire today (it literally just hit midnight lol), but after that I want to get back to it) and realising I should really write this memory down.

Like. all of the little details about it, the bits of Mum and I and our relationship surrounding it. Both because my brain does tend to shutter some of those things away and makes them hard to get to without it being stupid lengthy a process involving talking out every feeling I'm having with someone else(unless it pulls some shit like tonight, then suddenly it's no fucking problem throwing it all over the place apparently) and because like

I don't know if I could say this one out loud to anyone, but I think I should. Probably a therapist, but it's one of those stupid trauma things of you just Want Someone, Anyone To Know, Now. To acknowledge it and say if it was as fucked up as it feels (bc I will never deny the possibility that I'm being dramatic and it isn't, and I should just. chill the fuck out about it.)

But every time I start trying to type it out I get hit with this wave of a physical response where my arms and wrists and fingers feel like they're clenching up and I Can't type it. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to because if I can see it in letters on a page, then it's real. It's real and it happened and maybe it was as fucked up as it feels like it was and if that's all true then like. it fits with everything else about our relationship that's already fucked up, from the severe (better than it used to be, but I'm sure it's very clear to y'all that it's still Not Good even though I've moved away from her) co-dependence to the emotional incest (fun fact: that term feels like a gut punch every time I hear it, and I've heard it from my therapist more than a few times now over the past 9ish years of treatment.) So I shouldn't be shocked by that or like, upset, right?

Yet I'm here typing this out to put off typing it up, and I'd bet money I don't necessarily have that I'll wind up putting my laptop away, showering, and going to bed without getting it typed. For better or for worse.

Part of the reason I worry so much abt Frenchie this season (aside from that I love him and he's one of my faves and I want nothing but good and happy for him) is because I also subscribe to his 'shove all the fucked up shit you've seen/experienced in a box in your mind and just. Never open it unless you're putting more in there' method of coping (have all my life, it was so weirdly validating to see it onscreen like that explained so plainly) and like. This is me when the box somehow pops open when I didn't mean it to, and I both want Frenchie to be able to process the things that have happened to him but also don't want to see a character I love so much hurt like this. Because it feels like a big stupid gaping open wound in my chest that I'm being entirely too dramatic about, no matter how valid feeling that way abt it might be.

Kind of hope I can just shut the lid on the box so I can get done and go to sleep after I post this. Should I actually type out the memory and everything? I hate to think that the answer my therapist would have given me, if I could afford to be seeing her rn, would be yes. But the thing is, I have fucking Ren Faire tomorrow in my Izzy cosplay (that Housemate says I look good in, which I'll vainly admit I'm rather happy about, even if it is a very inaccurate and homemade cosplay that's missing certain details I can't yet afford to buy), and I don't want to be dealing with any of this for the rest of the night/into tomorrow. I need to sleep so I can go have some fucking fun, for once. I even feel ok to bring my cane with folded in my bag, just in case I need it, bc that would still be in character if I wind up needing to use it. I can count on one hand the times I've had a fun experience where I also felt safe admitting when my body was hurting and using a physical aid to help it get by; I'm not losing this one.

It's not getting typed out, and I need to duct tape that fucking box shut for now.

[frankoceanlover12345]

hai

[bubbled-clouds]

it’s me and my lack of self-awareness against the world

[giverofempathy]

thinking about when i saw the japanese house live in 2019 and i started sobbing when she sang lilo so i hugged my friend who i was with for the whole song and during it amber kept looking at us and then when she finished she looked at me and smiled and looked like she was gonna cry too . pain

[navysealt4t]

HELP "its not just trauama! it's slowburn trauma!!!" HDAKJJKAG SO FUCKING FUNNYYY

on another note i am so sad. all the time!! cant stop thinking about the boy, sad boy, sad fish :( he has to face his trauma and thee fucking elderss what the fuckkk i hate them...

[jimothy-salmonwich]

OMG ACT CALM AAAAAAAH