#so.. I share my birthday with Sheldon

[cookiieslayer]

small doodles before my birthday (02/26)

Ren belongs to @/gatobob

Tobby belongs to @/6robotmonster6

Rachel belongs to me

[nerdforestgirl]

Note: A story? Not on May 24th or my birthday? Wild. Enjoy. Set During The Long Distance Dissonance.

Sheldon hung up the phone, and had a smile on his face. He had just called Larry Fowler to get his permission to ask Amy to marry him. He thought the tradition was silly, but he also knew that it would make Amy happy to know that he asked. Amy liked weird old timey stuff like that. It was worth the few minutes to call. Particularly because Mr. Fowler had been all too pleased to give the asked for permission.

Now Sheldon was just at the airport waiting for his flight to take off. He wished he could call his own dad. He always wanted to include his father in big moments. Then Sheldon thought of someone else he wanted to talk to. He pulled out his phone.

Knock Knock he wrote into the text chat. It was a version of the old code they had in their bedrooms as kids. He wanted to make sure she was available to talk instead of just calling. She must be, because a photo of her and her son appeared on his screen as an incoming Facetime call almost immediately.

“Hello, Missy,” Sheldon said into his phone after he answered it.

“What do you want, nerd?” Missy replied.

A little bit of a smile fell across Sheldon's lips at her insult of affection. She was the only person other than perhaps Leonard who could make him smile with teasing.

“I am at the airport. I am going to New Jersey to ask Amy to marry me,” Sheldon told his sister.

“Whoa. Big. Did you tell Mom? She's going to be thrilled.”

Sheldon wondered why he didn't call his mother or Meemaw first. Then he realized that his mother and grandmother would be supportive, but they wouldn't necessarily be honest. He wanted to know if this was a mistake. Not Amy. Amy could never be a mistake. But maybe he was moving too fast. He had only been with her for seven years after all.

“No. I will wait to talk to Mom after Amy agrees,” Sheldon admitted. “Do you think I'm doing the right thing?” he added more quietly.

“Other than the fact that you should've done this years ago, of course,” Missy said. Everyone else always assumed that Sheldon would end up alone, but even when the twins were teenagers, Missy had a feeling that Sheldon would find someone for him. He might be annoying and weird, but there was a charm to Sheldon that Missy could see. The right people always loved him.

“You never regret getting married?” Sheldon asked. He could only have asked this question to his sister. Of course she could tease him for asking, but she never truly judged him. He didn't believe that they had any extra connection from sharing a womb, but she did get him in a way that no one else did. Maybe it was all of those late night talks when they shared a bedroom as kids.

“Oh. I absolutely do, but my husband is an idiot. But you will be the idiot if you don't marry her. It's obvious that you love her,” Missy said.

“How do you know? You have never even met her,” Sheldon reminded her.

“Whose fault is that? You never bring her to come see me. Not even when you've come back to see Mom. And I have eyes and ears. I've seen the way you talk about her. Everyone knows you love her. You even stood up to Meemaw for her. Mom wanted to print the invitations to your wedding then.”

Sheldon appreciated the reminder that he love for Amy was so clear. Not just to himself, but to everyone around him too. Sheldon knew that his sister would never steer him wrong. Not with something this important.

Then Sheldon heard the announcement that his flight was boarding. He knew he should hang up and get on the flight. He didn't want to miss this flight for anything.

“I have to get on my plane, but thanks for taking to me,” he told his sister.

“No problem. Let me know when she says yes,” Missy said.

Sheldon nodded and pressed the button to hang up the call. More than even Stephen Hawking, talking to his sister made him feel like this was definitely the right decision.

[littleraccooncarl]

One week until Carl the Collector premieres! I'll go over all of the episode titles that have been released so far

The Plushie Collection/The Bouncy Ball Collection - When Carl's growing plushie collection starts taking over his bedroom, he turns to his friends to help him get organized. / Carl's bouncy balls have escaped, and they are bounce-bounce-bouncing all over the neighborhood. (my commentary: according to a post on a certain evil bird site, "Writer @ aashrr was inspired by her own love of plushies and not wanting to give them away for the #CarlTheCollector episode "The Plushie Collection"" aashrr is Ava X. Rigelhaupt, a writer for the show who is also autistic. This should be interesting. "The Bouncy Ball Collection" sounds like a chaotic episode, maybe it'll be distressing for Carl)

The Fake Mustache Collection/The Lint Dinosaur Collection - Nico is tired of being mistaken for her twin sister, Arugula. It's up to the Detail Detectives to observe what makes the twins unique. / Carl gets upset when Nico breaks the Lint Dinosaur Monday rules and makes a Lint Monster instead. (my commentary: both of these episodes center Nico, it seems. I can understand Nico wanting to be distinct from Arugula, as they look exactly the same and there's literally no way to tell them apart other than their voices. I also understand Carl being upset with things not going his way. I used to be like that when I was younger too. Occasionally I'm still like this)

Lemons!/The Butterfly Collection - Carl surprises Sheldon with a lemonade stand, but when Sheldon runs off, Carl is confused. Does Sheldon not want to be friends anymore? / Carl's caterpillars are turning into butterflies, and he's excited to start a butterfly collection. (my commentary: It's interesting how some titles, like "Lemons!" don't follow the title pattern of "The X Collection." I'm sure we've all seen that one "lemonade stand! lemonade stand!" promo that PBS Kids plays nonstop, and it seems that it gave away what really happens - Sheldon just doesn't want to get lemon juice in his eyes. I don't know how a butterfly collection would work though. I bet the episode will involve Carl having to let the butterflies go)

Whole Lotta Lotta/Leaf It to Carl - When Skyler calls Lotta 'headphone girl,' she's determined to find a way to let her know that she's more than that. / Everyone is unsure about the new kid after he caused a hullabaloo on the playground. Are all the rumors about him true? (my commentary: Carl and his friends do go to school after all! We don't know who Skyler is, as she's not in Carl's social circle. I don't think Skyler is intentionally trying to be mean, but I can see why Lotta would be upset. As for "Leaf It to Carl," this one's a bit of a mystery. There's a new kid in school and he causes a "hullaballoo." What did he do? And then the kids start spreading rumors about him. It seems that Carl is going to investigate if the rumors are true. Why is "leaf" in the title though? I bet the commotion the new kid caused had something to do with leaves)

The Tool Collection/The Stick Collection - Carl stretches the limits of honesty when he gets a universal screwdriver for his birthday. / When a storm creates a hole in the walkway to his house, Carl wants it fixed, until he discovers his friends have turned it into something magical. (my commentary: Carl is going to be dishonest and we'll get the 'honesty is the best policy' lesson. How does he stretch the limits of honesty though? Does it involve his screwdriver? As for "The Stick Collection," I bet that Carl's friends are gonna fill the hole with sticks or something)

The Fall/The Word Collection - When Carl freezes after Nico falls, he shares something about himself to help her understand why he didn't know what to do. / Carl learns a new word - shindig. Will he get to say it just the right way at just the right time? (my commentary: I think Carl is going to state point blank in this episode that he's autistic. If he's telling Nico this for the first time, how did she and the others not know? "The Word Collection" will probably involve Carl going to a party)

The Remote Control Collection/The Super Blue Moon Sleepover - Forrest can't wait to try everything at the Fuzzytown Friends Picnic, but his excitement gets him into trouble when he won't wait his turn. / Carl is hosting a Super Blue Moon Sleepover, and everything must go according to his plan. (my commentary: Forrest is confirmed to have ADHD, and it definitely shows in the description for this episode. I bet Carl will use a remote control to "pause" and "slow down" Forrest or something. The latter episode seems like another episode where Carl gets upset that things don't go his way)

A Forrest of Plans/The Marble Collection - Forrest makes too many plans on the same day and leaves a trail of disappointed friends. / Carl and Arugula are building an epic marble run, but despite many attempts, they can't quite seem to get the marble to run! (my commentary: yeah, seems like another episode where it's made obvious that Forrest has ADHD. I forgot to mention this in my commentary on "The Fall," but I like how Carl seems to do things with Nico and Arugula as individuals, unlike many other works of fiction where twins are joined at the hip no matter what)

The Magic Trick Collection/Listen Coach - Carl and Nico argue over who gets to have Arugula as their magician's assistant, but what does Arugula want? / Carl realizes he has trouble listening when playing with a cool collection. Can Sheldon teach him how to become a good listener? (my commentary: speak of the devil, this episode involves Carl and both of the twins. It seems like both of these episodes involve listening. Carl and Nico aren't listening to what Arugula wants, and then Sheldon has to become Carl's 'listen coach')

The Sticker Collection/The Baby Stuff Collection - Carl realizes his favorite sour pickle scratch-n-sniff sticker lost its smell. He must get that sour pickle smell back! / Carl notices that his baby blanket, Knit-Knit, has a hole in it. What could have happened? It's a Knit-Knit mystery! (my commentary: I think there's a clip of the sticker episode in one of the promos or that one behind the scenes video on the PBS Kids website. This episode is also referenced in the theme song, where Carl smells a sticker and imagines flying on slices of pickles. "The Baby Stuff Collection" has cuteness overload potential)

The Puffball Collection/The Bottle Cap Collection - When Lotta competes in the Fuzzytown Music Maker Championship, the noise on stage becomes too much and she needs to leave. / When Carl forgets his bottle cap collection at his dad's house, he must find a way to make it through the night without it. (my commentary: it's been confirmed that Lotta is sensitive to loud noises, so her becoming distressed by the noise on stage is not surprising. Maybe Carl will put puffballs in Lotta's ears to block out the sound. Also; "his dad's house"? Carl doesn't live with his dad? This could mean his parents are divorced)

A Wiggle Waggle Worries/The Pine Cone Collection - Sheldon can't wait for Carl to play his favorite beach game, but Carl is nervous. What if he can't play as well as his friends? / Lotta lost her favorite blanket and her friends are determined to help her find it. (my commentary: we need to keep this episode AWAY from the creepo who runs that one "shirtless cartoon boys" blog. I wonder how pinecones will factor into the plot of "The Pine Cone Collection.")

(there's a 4096-character limit, apparently. will be continued in a reblog)

[victorzhuzhakin]

                                                   PINNED POST

★ Hi! My name is Victor Zhuzhakin! You can call me Victor or Zhuzhakin, but I like Zhuzhakin more 

★ I’m 21 years old and my birthday is november 19

★ I’m trans male and aroace, go by he/him only

★ I am Ukrainian so I would not want to interact with you if you support russia

★ I know English well in terms of reading and understanding the language, but I'm not good enough in sentence construction, so forgive me if sometimes my words look strange

★ I am neurodivergent and diagnosed with depression. I'm sorry if I answer dryly, or vice versa, I'm too emotional, or I don't answer at all, sometimes I don't want to go online at all hahaha

★ DNI: queerphobes, transphobes, ruzzia supporters, ebaleists, ageists, proshippers etc

★ I really REALLY love old characters (like over 50 years old) so if you think it's weird to like mature characters please don't interact. I also love making canon characters look older

★ My fandoms: clone high, pj sekai, cookie run, psychonauts, witch hat atelier, muppets, the amazing digital circus, transformers prime and some others

★ My OTPs: scudworth/mr butlertron, haruka/minori, emu/nene, mizuki/mafuyu,  cappuccino cookie/almond cookie, dr lobot/oleander, coco/agott, eunie/riche, delgado master/3th doctor, caine/kinger/kaufmo, megatron/starscream

★ My kinlist: scudworth (main kin ever), hange zoe, sheldon cooper, delgado master, discord, dr orpheus, alt doofenshmirtz, boris habit, gaster, count von count, jim carrey robotnik, caine, kinger, starscream

★ My fav music: weird al, lemon demon, tiny tim, will wood, vocaloid, serj tankian, bo burnham, reol, ghost, jack stauber, marina, blackpink, stromae, max raabe, eve etc

Shitpost account: @zhuzhakin-shitpost

My other social media: telegram, toyhouse, myfigurecollection, pinterest, tiktok

I DO NOT USE TWITTER!!! I have an account there, but I don't post arts there anymore, so if you see someone reposting them there - let me know. Twitter is uncomfortable for me

I also have my own setting and soon I'm going to make a comic with my friend :]

COMMISSIONS OPEN: https://www.tumblr.com/victorzhuzhakin/766058961277485056/cartoony-sketch-pages-commissions-open?source=share

please do not interact with me ever if you are against trans headcanons and also if you are a huge the walten files fan (the latter triggers me) :’[

[bleedingcoffee42]

do you have any interesting facts about blanche nixon? we know so much of her death but not all that much about what she did in life. didn't she attend standford?

She did! Blanche attended Stanford and majored in history.

Here is the list of info from the incredible @winnix85 who has been chronicling the Nixons.

The lovely drawing of 15 year old Blanche and her Birthday Party

The House on Chestnut Street

She went to Santa Barbara Girls School and was an Equestrian

Opera Season

Blanche decides to go to Stanford and Doris *has* to find a house

and my tag of all things Blanch Ryer Nixon. Plus more under the cut because we need to talk about the girl she left her ring to. It's the one connection we know she had outside of her family.

She was born in Fair Haven, NJ according to the birth index and her death certificate and may have been born at the house on Grange Ave which I believe Stanhope bought after Doris was pregnant again after losing Fletcher. One of those 'get out of the city and to the country' ideas as if a congenial issue would be thwarted by New Jersey scenic river view?

Blanche was probably named after Doris's Mom , Blanche Ryer. (her brother that died named after Doris's father.) And like her Mom, Doris kept her daughter close and travelled with her. In fact, Doris moved as close as she could when Blanche was anywhere. These two were tight.

She also lived in this house on Lombard street which has a bunch article about being haunted by a later resident.

She left a ring to her friend in her suicide note. ---

Found her. It's Pat Woodard, wife of Clarence J. Woodard. Formerly Patricia Roberts. Born Oct 18, 1923. The newspaper is kind enough to give you an address in case you want to rob someone of this ring from a wealthy socialite. Patricia's father was a fruit farmer(1930) Then working for Sheldon Oil (on his draft card in 1942) in Suison City which is north of Ryer Island.

Lew buried his sister with his Mom, which speaks to the bond between them. Blanches death comes a year and a few months after she turned 30, and Doris's will stated her estate to be held in trust until Blanche reached 30. I'm sure dealing with the estate opened old wounds. She's still living in the house she shared with Doris. Lew and Irene were out in California with her after she had been seeing a doctor about her depression. They were planning a party the day they found her.

Who was Blanche Nixon? She was very much Doris Ryer Nixon's daughter. Was it because the depression was a lifelong struggle or because Doris was recreating the life she had with her own Mom, Blanche Ryer? Not sure. Doris was very active, it's not like she hovered over Blanche, but they were never separated for long. Kinda like how Lew could always be found at Dick's side.

I'm sure I'll dig up more but wanted to get this posted before it got too long or too long from your ask. :)

[bethaven]

#2 The Big Bang Theory

(Spoiler alert)

Plot: Four nerdy scientists try to navigate social life in Pasadena, sometimes with great difficulty. Leonard, Sheldon, Raj and Howard all share some or other neurotic trait but also the longing for a less lonesome life. Everything changes one day when Penny moves in nextdoor to Leonard and Sheldon...

Years: 2007-2019

Seasons: 12

My story: One of my best friends in high school loved this series and we spent the good part of a weekend back in 2010 watching the first seasons. I've always been drawn to nerds and geeks so this spoke to me right away.

Teachable moments: TBBT developed a lot over the years, not the least the characters developed and challanged themselves more and more. I think it mostly thaught me that you can be yourself and still find love and friendship. And also, a few random science facts that can be helpfull at quizes.

Best character: This might be a random choice, but I've always had a soft spot for Stuart, the neurotic and depressed owner of the comic book store the gang visits frequently. He seems like a small role at the beginning, but he hangs on all 12 seasons and actually does quite a journey himself. I'm so happy he gets a happy ending.

Best episode: This might be the simple choice, but I really love the last episode; "The Stockholm syndrome". This because of several reasons. One, last episodes rarely are as good as they need to be, but this one is. Two, it takes place in Sweden, which always is fun if you're from here yourself. Three, it takes place on my birthday (the Nobel Prize ceremony always takes place on Alfred Nobel day December 10 th). So, basically, that episode was made for me!

Best quote: "I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired, and tolerated not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had." Sheldon Cooper in his Nobel Prize acceptance speach.

Fun fact: Penny's last (maiden) name is never revealed at any time through the years. Only time she is mentioned with a last name is after she married Leonard and taken his name.

If you like this you might also like: The spinoff Young Sheldon, where we follow Sheldon as a wunderkind in East Texas in the 90's, is a given for any TBBT fan. Also, other ensamble cast sitcoms like Friends, New Girl, How I met your mother and Modern Family.

[boringbones]

Tag 9 People You Want to Know Better

Very kind of you @missy-hissy ! I think it's one of my first times in a tag like this. As someone who has never been to a 15th birthday party before, I feel lucky to be able to participate in this xD

Last Song: Not definitely the last song I listened to, but I've been frequently listening to Beyoncé's new album. It has a great beat, and I broke my record by running 5 kilometers in 23 minutes while listening to it. It's my go-to workout song from now on.  Apart from that, the soundtrack of The Sims 1 and 2 is constantly on my daily playlist.

Last Show:  I haven't finished watching it yet, but I'm definitely a fan of Marie Forleo. She has a fascinating program on YouTube, and she herself is a fascinating woman, with captivating guests. The last show I watched was this one with Seth Godin

Currently Watching: Young Sheldon. We finished watching all six seasons yesterday, my girlfriend and I. I laughed a lot, and I loved that the sixth season gave more prominence to the other members of Sheldon's family. They are as fascinating as Sheldon himself, and I can see a bit of myself in each of them. Even in Sheldon himself. Haha ( I love his grandma too! That woman is the part of me that would break any rule simply because she can and because she wants to.)

Currently Reading: The last book I read (although it's been a while since I read) was this incredible book by Marie Forleo: Everything is Figureoutable. However, a book that changed my life and the way I perceive God/Religion and connected me to real-life experiences was "Conversations with God." These authors not only inspire me daily, but here's a little-known fact: I'm also a writer, and it was through this connection that I published my book “Tomando um chá com o universo / Having Tea with the Universe - The path from non-religion to living the life of your dreams and finding happiness" In it, I share the process I underwent to rid myself of "information overload" and find a path where I no longer let myself be guided solely by the pursuit of purpose, but instead embrace the fascinating art of being alive and present each day. In other words, finding meaning and joy in all things, rather than being consumed by the constant search for "purpose," which is often more of an ideal than a reality.

A book that I recommend to all artists who are reading this: "The War of Art." Once you read this book, your creative process will never be the same. If you can't find it, any other book by Steven Pressfield should be on your reading list as soon as possible! It offers valuable insights and strategies to overcome creative blocks and resistance.

Current Obsession:  My current obsession has been finding ways to make The Sims 3 even more fascinating! I've been doing this for the past three years, mostly through visual enhancements. However, this year I started delving into tuning mods and XML, and it's fascinating how many behaviors and mechanics can be improved just by tweaking a few lines! I'm definitely enabling a series of autonomous behaviors and seeking ways to make them smarter and more methodical. My ideal for The Sims 3 is not to have full control over everything but rather to be an observer who influences certain moments in my Sims' lives. To achieve that, I need to ensure that they can do EVERYTHING possible on their own to explore their lives to the fullest. I want to guarantee surprises and unpredictability, with my presence there only to support and occasionally influence them. Apart from that, I'm also fascinated by Life By You and how I can migrate all these enhancements to it when it's released.

So I’ll tag: @math-blogging, @grandelama, @thesims1master, @microscotch, @pixelated-sim, @itssimplythesims, @simsi45, @kevinvoncrastenburg, @landgraabsims

Naturally, feel free to ignore if you don’t fancy doing this and above all, have a terrific day!

[g95doge]

The youngest Cooper: a y/n story

Storyline: you are the youngest member of the Cooper family. Character age, 11-13. Reader recommended age, 12+. Warnings: none

You were the youngest member of the cooper family, y/n cooper. Despite being younger, you were far from small. Being your age and already 5 foot 8, was something that shocked everyone, especially your dad, George sr, as he was never exactly tall. Your entire family saw you as the empathetic, trustworthy and responsible child, everything that your siblings weren’t. But on your 12th birthday that changed, and not for the better.

y/n’s pov (cuz it’s easier)

I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the beaming light coming from my bedroom window. It was a small room, because my oldest brother refused to share his room, and you couldn’t exactly fit three people in sheldons room. “Y/N! WHERE IS MY NEW KIDS CD!” My sister Missy is obsessed with new kids on the block and if anyone dares to even look at her cds then she would probably murder them. Of course, I knew where they were. Georgie knows that, as long of there’s a cool song playing in his car, then it won’t feel like there’s a kid in the car.

This was gonna be a big day. Little did my family know, I had been together with a boy from missy’s grade for a year, and planned to tell her tonight. Missy was not only my sister, but also my best friend. We told each other everything. So this should be easy, right? “Missy?” I said, making sure to close the door on my way in, because she goes ballistic if it’s open. “What,” she said. “I.. I’m dating someone.” “Oh my god, why didn’t you tell me!” The one time I’d seen her this excited was when she left Ben “He’s kinda.. in your class.” “Cool I guess, who is he”

“London…”

to be continued….

[jellycatstuffies]

Submitted by: @sniffcliff

"my friend gets me a jellycat every year when he goes on holiday as a late birthday present !! so far we have Gary the gecko, Sheldon the shrimp, and RIVERSIDE RAMBLER BADGER!"

-

That's such a lovely tradition! Thank you for sharing this trio with me. My favorite would have to be Gary Gecko, I am still sad they retired him. I always liked him more than Colin Chameleon to be honest. I hope there will be many more Jellycats to join this group in the future!

[seraphimdove]

And now, my plushie collection that remains permanently on my bed!

1. Big guy, big whale squishmallow. His name is Samil, but I call him big guy. My main pillow.

2. The fluffy Unicorn I showed you, Pillow Cotton Fluff. Cuddle buddy number one.

3. One Silver and One Brown rabbit with bows around their necks. Really fluffy! Copper and Silver in that order.

4. Very small squishmallows, one being an Axolotl named Archie and one being a Mushroom named Malcolm (named from the tags, I never chose a name).

4. A flip Octopus with a happy and angry setting that just sits there. No name.

5. A small beanie boos puffins octopus named Sheldon, born on December 30th, never changed his name, and he has a repeat tag.

6. A beanie boos black, red, gold dragon that is also small named Grindal, but I call it Grimey/Grinny and at on point Atticus, birthday of January 30th.

7. Most recent edition, given to me today, a blue owl hug meed squishmallows who I've decided will be keeping the name of Winston.

So most times I will now have. 10 plushies just. On my bed. Cause it makes me feel happy. This is kinda dumb to share but anyways. 10 is a good number.

I HAVE READ ALL OF THESE. it's not dumb I have a lot too c:

[princessofprocrastination]

I Messed Up Didn’t I? (Dream)

MASTERLIST

pairing : dreamwastaken x singer!reader (angst) 

summary : after the breakup, he sees that you’re growing as a singer, while he’s suffering alone, but you don’t think that about him, seeing he’s growing on youtube. 

a/n : you’re replacing gwen in the voice! 

hey! this isn’t going to be the only part! stay tuned for more!

it ended after an argument. he was constantly on his computer, and would forget every important day. from your birthday, to your anniversaries, he forgot them all. 

he even would disregard it, saying it wasn’t important anyway, that everyday could be a special day. that hurt you a lot. you two have been together for a long time and you didn’t want to lose it. you couldn’t afford to lose him, not like this. 

sometimes it felt like he didn’t love you anymore, that he didn’t feel the same anymore. it hurt to see him on his phone, or on discord call with his friends. 

you thought his friends were amazing and supportive, but his friends took away your limited time together, and hurt like a bitch. 

at first, you were okay with his constant video games, knowing that’s his job now, and that he’s been supportive of you, and you should be supportive of him too. 

at first, it had been tough, you brought in the money, paid for the bills, bought groceries since you were making money through music. you weren’t stingy, you are totally fine with spending money for him, but it felt wrong at the same time. 

your mum always told you never settle for a guy, that he would do things for you if he wanted to. and that stuck to you, but you love dream, with everything in you. you couldn’t afford to leave him, to break this long time relationship. 

you two had been there for each other since the roots. and to see it crumble like this hurt a lot. 

he didn’t notice. he didn’t care enough to ask you how your day went anymore. he was too busy on his computer. 

you made the effort. you asked him the usual questions, to which he’s reply with a ‘’m fine’ or simply not answer. you brought him food whenever you notice he’s been skipping meals to sit on his desk. 

you got him a new monitor, gaming chair, a new desk. everything he could’ve ever wanted. if it made him happy, you’d buy it, even if it took time away from you together. 

he didn’t notice how you’re slipping away, barely talking to him, barely even sleeping on the same bed anymore. he didn’t notice the constant emails on your phone. or maybe he did, and he didn’t care. 

he didn’t notice that you two were basically living separate lives in the same house. he didn’t notice that you were thinking about leaving. 

it never occurred to dream that you’d snap one day, that you’d leave him. it never occurred to him that you’d buy your own house one day and leave him, alone in his house. 

it started small, you invited him to go to a dinner you had with your producers. he said he would left out, so you let him be, understanding it completely. 

then you’d ask multiple times for him to just get out of that chair and eat dinner with you, even if it’s just once. you told him you missed him, yet he still pushed you away. 

you didn’t understand where the relationship went wrong. you tried your best to work it out, talk it through, but it seemed like he didn’t even want it anymore, judging by the way he’s acting. 

he says it’s just a part of the relationship, getting comfortable. but you didn’t think getting comfortable meant that you both didn’t talk to each other all day. you didn’t want this type of comfortable. 

“just this once, let’s go get dinner. we can go eat at your favourite place.” you begged him. 

“no, i want to finish editing, can’t you go yourself, maybe bring me takeout?” he replies to you. 

“i could but i just want to spend time with you.” you begged again, almost whining. 

“just go, we spend so much time together anyway.” dream tells you, almost out of anger. 

“we haven-” you tried to say before getting cut off. 

“OMG JUST LEAVE, I’M STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW, LEAVE” he screams at you. 

“i just-” you tried again, almost crying at that point. 

“LEAVE.” he scolded again. 

you left the room quietly, not wanting a screaming fest to start again. 

you sat on your shared bed. thinking about what went wrong. how did your relationship become this bad. 

you packed a bag. you didn’t care about your clothes, you could always buy new ones. you didn’t bother packing much, just the necessities. 

you walked out the door, grabbing your car keys on your way out. 

as you started you car, you sat there for a while. this was it huh? 

you told yourself that you made the right decision getting a house before this argument came.

you didn’t mean to hide it away from him, in fact, you wanted to bring it up during dinner, but since the dinner invitation didn’t work, you didn’t bother. 

the longer you drove, the more sad you became. tears trickled down your cheeks as you drove silently to a hotel before needing to sit a long drive from florida to california. 

you sat on the hotel bed, thinking about dream. you hated ending it this way. you didn’t even think this would end. you were planning to get married, for god’s sake. 

you cried even more thinking about it. 

you felt alone. but you knew you still had friends who supported you. but it felt like there was a void left unfilled after you left that house.

maybe it’s for the best. 

-

DREAM’S POV

i heard the door close. i heard it all. i heard her packing her stuff. but i don’t know why i didn’t stop her. i was too busy streaming. 

it didn’t hit me until a couple days later. and when the days came, it was too late. 

i knew i messed up. 

when i told george and sapnap, they were furious. they said they warned me before. they asked why i’m not looking for her. 

i told them it’s cause i knew you were no where near me. 

i knew i messed up. 

terribly. 

-

YOUR POV

months went by so quick.

the hold in your chest unhealed. but you knew you needed to get over it. 

you saw twitter, instagram, youtube. you saw that he had been blowing up. 

over 13 million subscribers. you were impressed. you were immensely proud of him. you wish you were there to celebrate it with him. but you weren’t. 

fortunately for you, months after you moved to california, you were offered to be a judge on the voice. 

you didn’t waste a second telling your team to say yes. you grew up watching the voice. and plus, you got to meet the john legend, kelly clarkson and blake sheldon. who would miss that opportunity. 

you spent a while trying to settle down in your new house. it was huge. huge for one person. but you needed it, the time alone. 

you liked it peaceful and quiet, it helped you heal slowly. it helped you to move on. 

you came out with a full album since then, which ended up being a hit. you were super grateful for the love you’ve been getting. 

now, you sat in one of the judges chairs for blind auditions. 

your hairstylist was making sure your hair was fully sprayed and looked good. you made small conversation with her, thanking her for making you look good for the camera. 

there was a camera for each judge. you looked into the one right in front of you and said. “holy shit i can’t believe i’m here.” 

john, who sat next to you laughed at your antics. you glanced at him and gave him a grin. 

“we’re ready.” the producer said to the judges, signaling that they were starting. 

audition after audition, you met amazing artists. 

“you’re amazing and i used my block on john for you. if you didn’t know, he’s a little scary when he’s competitive. i would love for you to be on my team.” you said to an amazing singer you turned your chair for. 

she sung an r&b song, to which got a four chair turn, but you were desperate. you needed her. 

“um, oh my god, this is hard.” she said to us, before choosing her mentor. 

kelly and blake chimed in, making her turn her head to look at them. 

“no. please, don’t listen or look at them, just me.” you said to her, practically begging. 

john laughed at this and said. “holy shit, you’re that desperate?” 

“yes, john, i love her.” you laughed along with the other two judges. 

“well-” the artist started. you crossed your fingers, hoping that she would pick you. you had a good chance as john was blocked. but kelly was good competition too, not counting out blake. 

“i pick.” she paused. 

“oh my god, spit it out already.” i screamed and laughed a little. 

“i pick y/n” she announced. 

“HOLY SHIT YES.” you stood from your chair and jumped a little, excited. 

“you losers.” you told the other three judges. 

“yeah, yeah, whatever,” kelly played along. 

-

blind auditions went along really smoothly. 

you’ve seen your face plastered all over the voice’s instagram and twitter. they even posted a clip of you being excited after getting picked as a mentor for the r&b artist. 

you were having a blast. your family from back home would facetime you and congratulate you or laugh at the stupid things you did on tv. 

what you didn’t know was that dream had seen them all. after all, he hadn’t paid attention to you before, why start now? your little jumps on your judge seat as you waited for the next audition. your little shouts to amazing singers auditioning. 

he was proud, to say the least. 

in this couple of months, he’d seen you grow into a young and successful woman. he was sad that he couldn’t be there to congratulate you through all your achievements. 

but that’s what he gets for abandoning his one and only love. 

at first, he didn’t even look into what you were doing. not until a few weeks after you left, george and sapnap had said something along the lines of your name and you being a judge on the voice. 

them two had been purposely teasing him. they knew that he treated you like absolute shit before you left and they made it a thing to make sure clay knew that. 

you weren’t in contact with dream for obvious reasons but you facetimed george and sapnap constantly, even before and after your shows. 

they had been through it all with you. since you were only a couple years older than nick, you two clicked well together, always talking about tiktok trends and the new lingo. but you don’t count off george for being one of your bestfriends. 

you actually had shown the camera once or twice when you facetimed george and sapnap. well, now the world knew that you three knew each other. they just didn’t know how you three met. 

twitter blew up with lots of hashatgs about you three, talking about ‘when worlds’ collide’.

you thought that was funny. they even asked you to link up and be friends with dream, who you knew was dream, but you’ve always ignored those types of comments. 

you saw the ship comments between you and george. you two would laugh it off and constantly say that you two are just friends. he’s your exes bestfriend, that would be awkward. 

dream saw it all, the facetime calls are all over the internet. your supporters were shocked to see that you knew each other. they didn’t know that dream and you knew each other though. 

he saw that you’ve been ignoring the comments to link up with him. his heart broke at that. but he deserved it. he ignored you for the longest time. now it’s your turn.

his heart broke at the shipping comments between you and george after knowing how often the facetime. 

dream knew he deserved it. he deserved all the pain coming to him. 

he felt grateful of his new, large following on the internet, but it felt like nothing compared to having you in his arms. why had he taken you for granted?

he was determined to see you again, to ask you to come back. he needed you. 

PART TWO!

[nerdforestgirl]

Note: Thank you to everyone who still cares enough about Sheldon and Amy to celebrate today.  I miss them, but it helps to know I’m not the only who still cares about them.  Thanks for playing along with this stilly fluff crawlspace stuff all these years later.  I know I shared my tattoos earlier, but obviously I had to write a little something too.  Enjoy.

“All right. Our appointments are all set,” Amy told Sheldon with a big smile. This was nearly the moment she had been waiting for for the last year. She and Sheldon were finally going to get their Covid vaccines. They were finally going to be safe and be able to get back out into the world.

“I don't feel well. Perhaps you should cancel mine,” Sheldon said to his wife.

“Well, our appointments aren't until next week, so you'll be fine by then,” Amy said. She was pretty sure that it was just nerves. Even if it wasn't nerves, she had a point that the appointments weren't for several more days. He would likely be over whatever was bothering him by then. She left his appointment as it was and set back to making dinner for the two of them.

Over the next several days, Sheldon continued to complain that he wasn't feeling well. Amy took his temperature, and it was normal. Then she took him to get a Covid test even though he insisted that it wasn't that.

“Maybe we should get you in for a doctor's appointment,” Amy suggested when both of their Covid tests came back negative.

“I just don't feel well, but I don't think it needs a doctor's appointment,” Sheldon protested as he booted up his current game of Resident Evil on the PS5 Amy tracked down for his birthday.

Sheldon wasn't acting like he felt sick. He just mentioned it whenever Amy talked about how excited she was about the prospect of having her life back. When she mentioned that she looked forward to going back to brunch with the girls or working in her lab instead of the apartment, Sheldon would start in on how his stomach hurt or he had a headache. Whether or not Sheldon actually felt sick was up for debate, but Amy was fairly certain it was in his head.

“You aren't afraid of the vaccine, are you?” Amy asked. He knew the science. He knew that despite the appearance that the vaccines had been developed quickly, they were actually developed with more than a decade of science behind them. They had been thoroughly tested. And of course there weren't any microchips in them. Sheldon wasn't one of those people who believed in conspiracies. Or at least Amy didn't think he was.

“No,” Sheldon said. “Of course I'm not afraid of the vaccine.”

“Then why don't you want to get one?” Amy finally just asked him. She was tired of skirting the issue.

Sheldon opened his mouth to answer, but then he closed it. Amy had never seen him seem so unsure of himself. That sold her more on the idea of him feeling unwell more than anything, but she just stayed silent and waited for her husband to answer her.

“I liked the last year. I liked staying in with you every night. I liked the grocery delivery and the take out delivery. I liked never leaving the apartment. I liked that everyone was using hand sanitizer all the time. I liked the masks,” Sheldon confessed. This pandemic felt like it had been built for him. He was happy in it. He didn't want it over.

“Oh,” Amy said after a moment. That actually made a lot of sense. Sheldon was the only person she knew who really did seem to thrive in all of this. “At least you included me in the things you liked about the pandemic,” she added after a second.

“Of course I did. You are my favorite person in the world. If I was going to be locked in a pandemic with anyone, I'm glad it's you,” Sheldon told her. She knew that. He couldn't live without her.

“You're my favorite person too. That's why I want you safe. That's why I want you to get the vaccine,” Amy told Sheldon.

“Hmm. That's a good point,” Sheldon agreed. He hadn't thought about that element. He didn't want things to change, but he wanted Amy to be safe. The idea of his wife being safe was absolutely worth things going back to how they had been before.

“I'll hold your hand while you get it, if you want,” Amy offered. She thought of their original agreement all those years ago when a hand hold during a flu shot was one of the only forms of contact he would allow. That had all changed in the years since, but she was happy to be there in any moment of need.

“Well, that was a given. I suppose we can go get our vaccines tomorrow,” Sheldon agreed.

“And we'll still need second doses and then two weeks after that before we'll be protected,” Amy reminded him. They had plenty of movie nights alone snuggling on the couch left before they'd even be close to having their lives back. Plus more time after that to get used to being back out there. Sheldon could keep things the way they were for a while longer. As much as Amy missed some elements of her life, she certainly didn't mind the idea of some time alone with Sheldon.

[alarawriting]

52 Project #29: The Last Boy (Inktober #11: Disgusting)

This is fanfic-adjacent; it’s an unauthorized sequel to Alice Sheldon (writing as James Tiptree Jr)’s story “The Screwfly Solution”. It is... less dark than that story, but if you’re familiar with it, that’s not saying much. (If you aren’t familiar, don’t worry, this story explains the backstory necessary.)

This is a horror story... or at the least, dark science fiction. (Nothing supernatural in this one.) I am not tagging any of the triggers inside because spoilers, which are destructive to a horror story, but I will include them at the end, which is below the cut. If you rapidly scroll through the story you can reach the trigger list without actually reading any of the story.

--------------------------------------------------------

Roy is very excited, running, practically skipping, ahead on the trail. “Uncle Matt! This is great! I can see the woods up ahead already!”

Matt forces a smile, because he’s very much afraid of how this expedition might end, but he has to try. He has to have hope. “Sure is. Ready to go hunting?”

“You bet!” Roy turns around and flashes Matt a big, heartwarming smile. His face is pocked with acne and he’s late to have lost his last baby tooth; it’s a gap on the upper left side of his face. He looks so young, so boyish. Which he is; he’s thirteen. Thirteen is still a kid. Matt’s sixty; thirteen’s practically a baby to him. They grow up so damn fast. “You think we’ll bag a deer?”

“We might. Or we might bag a goose. Or we might come home empty-handed. The point to hunting is to be quiet and patient, and let nature bring to you whatever it will.”

They hike up to the tree line. This is one of very, very few forest areas that’s still being tended and managed by people. The rocky hiking trail up to the tree line’s been kept clear of scrub; there are bushes and tall grasses on either side of the trail, but nothing on the wide stretch of packed dirt.

From here Matt can look down the side of the mountain, to the acres planted with corn and wheat, the women working in the rows, a couple of men stationed to sit by the road with their guns, watchful for whoever might come by. He knows them both. Good boys. He took Evan out on a hunting trip like this one, ten years ago, and they came home with a deer and a couple of rabbits. Jase was called Lisa back then, and didn’t need to go on a hunting trip like this. The tradition of the hunting trip when you’re thirteen isn’t for the girls, or the gay boys, or the trans kids. Most of them resent that, until they get to be old enough to understand why.

“This is the best,” Roy says. “Just me and you, Uncle Matt. How long has it been since we got to just spend time together, just two men?”

“I think you were 10. We went out to the river and went fishing, didn’t we?”

“Yeah. I didn’t catch anything,” Roy laughs. “You got a couple of fish, though, right?”

“Yeah,” Matt says, smiling as he remembers. “Had to throw ‘em back, though. They were too small.”

“Why don’t we do stuff like that more often, Uncle Matt? Just hang out, without all these stupid girls around?”

Matt sighs. “You have school and I’ve got work; crops don’t grow themselves and we don’t get security by going on vacation.”

“Yeah, but why do we have to even live here? Why don’t we go live somewhere where there’s just men?”

“That’s a little hard to find. There’s not a lot of men around,” Matt points out.

“Because the stupid girls wouldn’t go to them and have their kids,” Roy mutters.

That is a disturbingly misleading viewpoint on what happened, but Matt tries to let it go, for the moment. “Hey. We need to keep quiet now,” he says softly. “If there’s any deer, we don’t want to scare them.”

Roy nods, and the two of them walk quietly into the forest.

***

Roy was such a sweet little boy.

Matt remembers him bringing the pictures he drew to Matt and to his mother – who Matt, despite being called uncle, is not actually related to; Matt is uncle to all the boys he takes under his wing – and being so enthusiastic about showing it to them. He remembers one of the pictures, of himself and Roy holding hands. Another, of Roy holding hands with his mom. Roy hasn’t had anything positive to say to his mother in weeks; he’s been disobeying her, insulting her, calling her stupid and saying he doesn’t have to listen to her because she’s just a woman.

It’s biological. Roy wasn’t raised to even have the concept of men somehow being better than women at anything or for any reason. Most of the boys develop the attitude around puberty, the result of a disease that infected the entire world over a century ago. Many of them get over it. Many don’t. Matt never suffered it at all; it’s linked to heterosexual desire, and Matt knew he was gay ever since he was nine.

He remembers Roy running around with a toy airplane, declaring that when he was grown up he would help restore humanity’s control of the skies, working to bring back the airplanes. He remembers Roy making him lemonade when he was six, cooking him an egg when he was ten. Roy making a card for his mother’s birthday with a big heart on it. Roy asking him what stars were made of.

It’s going to be all right, he tells himself. Evan was a little ass to his mom and his sisters, and it all worked out for him. Lebron actually punched his mom when he was fourteen, and he came through it. Roy’s going to be fine.

All the boys mean so much to him, but Roy is special… maybe because he’s the most recent one. Matt hasn’t been working with the little boys so much, lately. There’s enough men in the settlement now that the younger men, with more energy, are taking up more of that role. When Matt himself was a child, there were almost no men – Uncle Harry was the only cis man he’d known. Of the boys he grew up with, only Andrew, Tyrone and Jose were still there by the time he was an adult, plus Deandre who was trans and joined them in their late teens. He’d dated all of them except Deandre, who was straight. Ended up eventually with Cole, three years younger than him. Cole had a heart attack six years ago, and after that Matt couldn’t bear to open himself up to any of the new little boys, not without the emotional support of an adult man to share his life with. Roy has been the last one to call him Uncle.

“Uncle!” Roy hisses. “Is that a deer? Over there?”

Matt looks where Roy is pointing. “It could be,” he whispers back. “Let’s see.”

They walk closer, carefully, trying to be quiet. But Roy steps on a branch he doesn’t see. It snaps, and the vague outline that might be a deer startles and runs, proving that yes, it is a deer. Roy pulls out his gun and fires, but misses, predictably.

“Oh, son of a bitch!” Roy swears.

“What have we said about language?” Matt asks mildly.

“Come on, Uncle Matt. I’m not a baby anymore,” Roy protests. “Besides, I said ‘shit’ when I stubbed my toe on a rock on the way up here.”

“Yes, but ‘shit’ is disgusting and everyone makes it. ‘Bitch’ is an insult specifically for women, and calling something a ‘son of a bitch’ when you want to swear at it is basically saying that it’s the fault of mothers if their sons are terrible.”

“Well, who else’s fault would it be? Stupid b – stupid women don’t know anything, but they act like they know everything.”

“I think that’s a little bit of an overgeneralization. I know you’re not getting along with your mother lately—”

“She just makes me so mad. She’s always telling me what to do! Like she knows everything!”

“She is your mother,” Matt says mildly. “And she’s twenty-five years older than you. That does tend to make people know more than you.”

“Yeah, but not her. She really doesn’t know anything. Sometimes I just wanna punch her.”

“That happens to a lot of boys at puberty, but they get over it. By the time you’re twenty-five, you’ll be amazed at how smart your mother has suddenly become.” He smiles at Roy.

Roy glowers. “I don’t think so. Girls are just disgusting. I just want to hang out with men, like you. You’re not a dumbass, Uncle Matt. All the girls are dumbasses, but the guys aren’t.”

“That’s the hormones talking. You’ll get over it.” Matt points at the ground. “Do you see that?”

“No, what?”

“Tracks. For the deer.” Matt crouches down and points them out to Roy. “We can see what direction it went in, now.”

“Oh, yeah! I can see it now!” Roy starts to run, but Matt holds him back by the shoulder.

“Roy. Slow. Patient. Quiet. The deer can run faster than you or me, but it burns more energy doing that. If we walk, we catch up with it, because it’s got to rest. But if it hears us, it’ll run again. So we walk, and we’re quiet.”

“Right. I get it, Uncle Matt.” Roy is much more quiet and careful about where he puts his feet after that.

***

When Roy was eight, Matt walked the fields with him and showed him how to sow corn. They went to the vegetable plots and planted carrots and lima beans. Roy was so proud the day they harvested his carrots, and he got to eat one. Matt took him fishing the first time, that same year.

The little boys are always so sweet, so bright, so full of promise. It hurts so much when they don’t fulfill it.

Please, God, let Roy be all right. Let him get past this. Of course he would. Matt has been training him, teaching him since he was small (but there were others, other boys Matt had loved like his own sons, who he’d trained and taught, and they weren’t around here anymore).

He should have been around more often in the last three years. Roy was heading for puberty and that scared Matt. Still does. He visits the boy often, but Roy is right – they haven’t done anything together, just the two of them, in a long time.

“You ever spend any time with any of the young men? Jase, or Evan, or Fred?”

“Yeah, sometimes. I hang out more with the guys closer to my age. You know any of them? Steve, Paolo, Rafael?”

“Sure, yeah, I know them.”

“Paolo has a dad,” Roy says enviously. “When I grow up I want to be a dad.”

“Well, you’re in luck, because humanity needs more men to be dads,” Matt says. “You can go live where they’re using your donation, if you really want to be a dad, and help to raise the kid you helped make, or you can stay here and help raise the boys as an uncle, and maybe go out and visit the places where they used your donations.”

“How come I can’t stay here and raise a boy here?”

“Genetic variation. If we let human men have sons with their sisters, we get inbreeding. All kinds of diseases. Sending your donations to the other compounds makes us strong and healthy as a species.”

“Did you ever donate, Uncle Matt?”

“Back in my day, if your balls worked you had to donate. We didn’t have enough men. You know old Gran Stacie, she had to donate too. She couldn’t take the hormones to look feminine until there was a safe compound for women to live in and plenty of donations so the human race could keep going.”

“She’s okay, I guess. But the other girls are really stupid and gross.”

Matt stops Roy there. “Hey. You keep saying that. It’s like you’ve forgotten everything we taught you about our history.”

“I remember history,” Roy protests.

“So tell me. Why do we live this way? Why do women live in secure compounds with only a few men? A hundred years ago the world was very different. Tell me how it was, and what changed.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. You do.” Matt sits on the ground, and gestures for Roy to sit across from him. “Come on. Tell Uncle Matt all about it.”

Roy rolls his eyes. “A hundred years ago men and women lived together but then there was a disease and it made the men sick and the sickness made them want to hurt women so they couldn’t live with women anymore, the end,” he says in a rapid sing-song.

“No. That shit doesn’t fly with me, kid, and you know it doesn’t. Tell it to me right.”

Roy sighs. “Okay, okay. So. Back then, women and men lived together all the time and every kid had a dad, and the men still took care of the women but there weren’t a lot of men trying to kill them, just one or two weird ones.”

Matt, being an adult, is aware of how far this is skewed off the truth of what life was like a century ago, but the boys are being raised with no awareness of historical misogyny. Nothing to give the disease any historical justification it can hook onto. They learn more details when they’re proven to be safe. “So far so good.”

“So back then, there was this thing we used to do to kill flies where we made the male flies wanna kill the female flies instead of mate with them.” This is also a distortion of the facts, but Matt lets it go as well. “Then suddenly, men were trying to kill women instead of having sex with them. But it was just the straight men who were affected and they had to have balls. Women weren’t affected even if they had balls, and gay men weren’t affected, and men who didn’t have balls weren’t affected, and men who didn’t want sex even though they had balls weren’t affected, but all the men who had balls and wanted to have sex with women wanted to kill the women. And a lot of the time, little girls or old women that no one wanted to have sex with, because they thought in their heads it was God telling them to kill women or something. They didn’t know the truth.”

“And what was the truth?”

“That it was aliens. They spread the virus around on Earth because they wanted humans to die, just like the flies, so they could take the Earth for themselves. But humans are more complicated than flies. So there were men who were affected too much, who killed little boys because little boys look like little girls, and there were men who weren’t affected as much, who’d killed their wives but they were trying to protect their little girls. And there were men who didn’t have sex with women even if they wanted to because they were trying to honor God or something, and those men could resist wanting to kill, because the wanting to kill thing was related to wanting sex. If they could resist one, sometimes they could resist the other. Plus, all the asexual men and the gay men and the trans men and other kinds of men without balls like castrated men, plus the trans women, who could fake being men so they could stay alive. And there were also a lot of women with guns, too.”

“So what happened?”

“Well, most of the women got killed, and the men who were doing the killing, they didn’t have any kids. But the women who survived, they went into compounds where all the women had guns and they would kill strange men who came near them. And a lot of the kinds of men who didn’t want to kill women would help women get to those compounds. They called them ‘allies.’ You’d have been one if you were alive in those days, Uncle Matt.” This is said proudly. Roy doesn’t realize how much Matt is still called on to be an ally, even today.

“I would have, yes. So how did we get where we are today?”

“A lot of the places were run by women who hated men even before they started killing women, called rads, and the rads were okay with women getting donations from ally men, but if they had boy babies they wanted to send the babies to live with the men or else throw them outside and kill them. And the moms didn’t want to do that and they thought it was stupid. So they made their own compounds and they let ally men live there. And if boys grew up and they didn’t want to kill women, then they were allowed to give donations and be dads. But if they did, then they couldn’t be dads and they couldn’t live there anymore.”

So much heartbreak, so much agony, skimmed over so neatly and briefly. Mothers pleading with their baby boys, grown to young men, not to do this, before the boy killed the mother… or the mother killed the boy, in self-defense. Entire compounds of women lost because some mother couldn’t bear to kill her son, so she locked him away instead… and he got out. Boys with the compulsion to kill sent to live with the femicidal men, only to be killed themselves, because there were no boys among the men anymore and the young boys were more feminine than anything the killer men had seen in years, by then. Or castrated, so that they would theoretically be safe to stay, except humans were complex and some of them retained the femicidal compulsion even in the absence of testicles, and the horror of boys everyone thought were safe suddenly murdering their sisters. Gay boys in love, their hearts shattered when their love interest proved to have enough interest in women that he became a killer.

They’re more careful now. Things like that don’t happen anymore.

“And the killer men thought that the aliens were like messengers from God or something, but the women and the ally men killed a lot of aliens. And when lots of aliens were dead, they realized that their plan to get Earth for themselves by making the humans die out from killing all the women wasn’t going to work, because humans are complicated. So we guess they changed their minds, because they left and no one has seen them since.”

“And that’s a good thing. We lost a lot of people when the aliens were willing to fight back in self-defense. If they’d had the stomach for it, they might have won, and humanity might have been wiped out. But, we assume, they weren’t willing to die to take our planet; they’d been trying to kill us off so they could have all the bounties of the Earth without doing any damage from removing us. If you try to settle in swampland and you try to kill all the mosquitoes, and instead the mosquitoes start killing you back, maybe you go find somewhere else to live.” Or maybe you come back, later, with a new plan… but humanity has collectively decided that, while it’s important to try to have contingencies for that possibility, it’s more important to rebuild humanity and reclaim what was lost. Matt worries about that, but it’s not something he can do anything about.

“You think they’re ever going to come back, Uncle Matt?”

Maybe. “No. We kicked their butts hard enough I’m pretty sure they’re gone forever. But they left us with this giant mess to clean up.” He sighs. “This stuff you’re feeling about how girls are stupid and irritating and you can’t stand being around them? That says, you’re in puberty and you’re going to grow up to be attracted to girls. Maybe guys too, but definitely girls. And the virus is waking up in you, trying to turn your desire for girls into hatred, but it doesn’t have to win. A lot of guys make it through this stage no problem, and never hurt anyone.”

“It doesn’t feel like a virus. It feels like they’re stupid and boring and gross and I hate them.”

“Of course it does. If it felt like a virus, the men a hundred years ago would have figured it out before they killed most of the women. It messes with your emotions, Roy. It takes feelings that are natural and normal, and twists them around. But if you understand that, then you don’t have to let it win.”

“Okay,” Roy said, and rocks backward, looking around him. “Can we go hunt for the deer now?”

“Sure, kid.” Matt gets to his feet. “We’re done here. You remember what they taught you about controlling your anger?”

“Yeah. Take deep breaths, take a step back from the situation, walk away if you hafta.”

“Right,” Matt says. “Let’s get a move on. That deer won’t shoot itself.”

***

They amble along through the woods. Another deer makes itself known, and Roy takes another shot, but misses. “Dammit! I was sure I had that shot!”

“I thought you did too,” Matt says. “But they move fast. You gotta be able to sneak up on them and shoot before they hear you coming.”

“Can you do that, Uncle Matt?”

“Used to. I’m older now; wouldn’t be surprised if the deer could hear the creak in my bones.” He grins.

And then they circle around a big rock, and there’s a girl.

She’s a teenager, about Roy’s age, maybe a little older. “Hi!” she says cheerfully. “I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone from around here! You’re from the compound down the mountain, right?”

Roy’s face twists into visible disgust, and he backs away. “That’s right,” Matt says calmly. “I’m Matt, and this is Roy.”

“My name’s Jennifer!” Jennifer has dark, wavy hair and tanned white-person skin. She’s wearing cutoff shorts, sneakers that have been patched many, many times – there are no companies that make goods from the old world like sneakers anymore – and a short-sleeved blue buttondown shirt that’s been tied up under her breasts to show her midriff, and opened in the front far enough to see her cleavage. When Matt was young, women were advised not to wear anything that could be arousing, because if they ran into a killer male, their life might depend on how much he was not turned on. By now, though, so many of the killer males are dead, and with women outnumbering men by three to one, the women and girls dress in whatever they want. It was never a good strategy for dealing with the killer males anyway; too many of them were willing to kill women dressed in nun robes, so it plainly had nothing to do with revealing clothes. There are numerous large lumps in her front pockets, which could be rocks, or animal bones, or any number of things.

Matt’s gay and far too old to see teenagers as anything other than young kids, but Roy is plainly very uncomfortable with Jennifer’s state of exposure. “What are you doing here?!” he half-shouts, angrily, at her.

“I’m from a compound on the other side of the mountain, and I hiked up here to try to collect mushrooms,” Jennifer says, her voice just a little bit too loud.

“Well, we’re hunting, so I’d like it if you could be a little quieter,” Matt says. “Don’t want to scare the deer.”

“Ooh! Hunting sounds fun! Can I join you?”

“No,” Roy says, loudly.

“Oh, come on!” Jennifer pouts. “I’ll be quiet!”

Matt takes in Roy’s trembling hands, the whiteness of his lips. Terror, or rage, or both. Roy’s expected to control himself no matter what the circumstances, but Matt… really doesn’t want to push him. Not now, when he’s so fragile. “Sorry, Jennifer, but Roy and I really came out for some uncle-nephew time. Maybe you can join us another time, but not now.”

Her eyebrows go up. “Huh,” she says. “Okay! I know a lot of guys like to go hunting with their dads or uncles when they’re thirteen. You’re thirteen, right?” This is directed to Roy.

“None of your business!” Roy snarls.

“Yeah, he’s thirteen,” Matt says tiredly. “Nice meeting you, Jennifer. Maybe we’ll meet again someday.”

“And maybe we won’t,” Roy mutters. He and Matt hike up the trail, away from Jennifer. “Good riddance.”

“I want you to think about this anger you’re feeling. It’s really out of proportion to the situation, isn’t it?”

Roy sighs. “Uncle Ma-att, I just wanna go hunting with you! I don’t wanna talk about my feelings!”

“Sure, but it’s safest for everyone if you do. What’re you supposed to do when you feel really angry?”

“I already took a step back from the situation! I told her to go away!”

“Didn’t hear any deep breaths,” Matt says.

Roy manages to deeply breathe sarcastically. It’s an impressive trick. Matt would never have thought it possible to breathe in a sarcastic way. Most of it’s with body language and facial expression, but there’s definitely a sarcastic note in the breath itself. “Now can we go find a deer?”

“Maybe we’d have better luck setting up a snare to trap rabbits.”

Roy’s whole body sags. “I wanted to bring home venison, Uncle Matt! Nobody cares if you bring home a rabbit!”

“All right,” Matt says mildly. “We’ll keep going.”

***

The forest is full of sound. Birds chirp and call. Squirrels and other animals rustle in the branches and bushes. Many of the sounds go silent as Matt and Roy approach, but not all. They come up into a clearing, someplace where someone, long ago, had a concrete pad. Most of it’s broken and destroyed, but there’s enough of it that even after a hundred years, the forest hasn’t completely taken it back.

And then there is the deer, quietly grazing on the other side of the clearing.

Matt whispers to Roy as he points it out. “Quiet, now.”

Roy nods. There’s a broken half-wall part of the way through the clearing, blocking the deer’s view of them if they go low. Matt and Roy crawl toward it. Once they’re behind it, Roy pokes his head up, very slightly, following Matt’s hand signals. He lifts his rifle. Quietly. The deer doesn’t stir.

Matt hears a tiny click. His eyes go wide and his blood runs cold.

Jennifer comes bounding into the clearing behind them. “Hi, guys! Didn’t think I’d run into—”

The deer leaps and runs off. Roy spins around, utter rage in his face, and screams, “You stupid bitch!”

“Roy, don’t—” Matt tries to grab Roy, tries to pull him down, throw off his aim, but it’s too late. The gun goes off, twice. Splotches of red explode on Jennifer’s chest, and she falls backward, twisting as she does so she lands on her front. Red oozes out from underneath her.

Roy drops the gun from fingers suddenly dead white and shaking. “I – I didn’t mean to – I was so angry--”

Wounds where the red had blossomed on Jennifer would be fatal; she’d bleed out almost immediately, and the quantity of red seeping out from under her body suggests that that’s what happened. It looks like a strike to the aorta, or the heart itself, maybe. Matt cannot stop himself. “No, no, no—”

“I’m sorry!” Roy screams. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry—”

Matt gets hold of himself. “Roy. Roy, come here. Come here, son.” He means it as an endearment – Roy is neither his literal son, nor has he raised the boy as a father – but it’s real as well. Roy is like a son to him. All of them have been, and he loves Roy so much, and his heart is shattering.

Roy collapses in his arms, sobbing. Matt holds the boy tightly with one arm. “It’s not your fault, Roy, it’s not,” he tells the crying child, tears welling in his own eyes. “It’s the virus. I know you didn’t mean to. I know you’re a good boy.”

“I’m so sorry—I just got so mad, and the gun was in my hand—”

“I know,” Matt says, as the boy’s wet face presses against his shoulder. “I know. I love you so much, Roy, you know that?”

“I love you too, Uncle Matt,” Roy says into Matt’s shirt, still sobbing, and a sob escapes from Matt’s chest as well as he raises his pistol with the arm that isn’t holding his nephew, his child, his son, the little boy who trusts him and loves him, and as Roy cries against his chest and cannot see what he’s doing with his other hand, he lifts the pistol to Roy’s temple, awkwardly, being sure not to touch him with it, and fires.

The sobs stop. After a moment they start again, but they’re only Matt’s.

Jennifer gets up. “I’m sorry, Matt,” she says quietly.

“Get the fuck out of my face,” Matt snarls. “You provoked him! I told you to back off! I told you we weren’t having you join us!”

“I have to do my job,” Jennifer says wearily, and there is no longer any mistaking her for a teenager, despite the expertly applied makeup on her face. She’s short, she looks young, and with the right makeup none of the boys ever guess she’s not a teenage girl. There’s red all over her shorts, soaking her legs and belly, from where the bags of fake blood in her pockets burst, and splotches of red over her heart and her liver. The paint pellets look horrifically real; they even smell like blood.

No, wait, that’s probably Roy’s blood he’s smelling.

"Fuck your job.” Matt holds his little boy in his arms, with both arms now that he doesn’t need one free anymore. “You pushed him. If we’d just given him a little more time – a little more training—”

“And who might he have killed while you were giving him a little more time? His mom? One of the girls his age?”

“He wouldn’t have had a gun!—"

“He could have had a rock. Or a steak knife. Or a baseball bat. I’m so sorry, Matt, but—”

“If you say ‘that’s the law’ or ‘those are the rules’ to me, I will hit you,” Matt snaps. “Not because you’re a woman, but because you’re a piece of shit.”

She sighs. “I know you’re distraught. It’s horrible, having to do this—”

“You didn’t even know him!” Matt screams. “You didn’t watch him when he was little, you didn’t teach him to tie his shoes, you didn’t play airplane with him – you didn’t—”

“I had a son,” Jennifer says sharply. “Don’t tell me I don’t know how much it hurts, when we have to—I was 16 when I had my son. It was six years ago that – that he took his test, at thirteen, and he failed it.”

“There’ve been so many,” Matt whispers. So many little boys. Slightly less than half of them pass; that’s why the ratio of women to men is around 2:1. He was so, so relieved when Blake turned out to be a girl and took the name Cassandra, twelve years ago; the trans kids are immune to the violent impulses. He’d known that Cassandra wouldn’t have to face the test, that he’d never have to take her on a hunting trip she might never return from. So relieved when Joe, eight years ago, reported himself gay at eleven and then showed no sign of aggression toward his mother or sister or any girls his own age.

But all the others. All the others, he’d loved, and they’d loved him, and trusted him, and he took them up the mountain on a hunting trip… with a gun that could only shoot paint pellets and blanks, and the paint pellets only after the bait’s radio transmitter came into range and switched it on.

Roy would never have bagged a deer with that gun. But if he hadn’t shot Jennifer, if he’d controlled himself and proved he could overcome his femicidal impulses, Matt would have “discovered” that there was no ammo in it, and given Roy a different gun, and then they could have had a real deer hunt. Like Evan, ten years ago. Like Jamal, five years ago. Like LeBron… how long ago had LeBron even been?

He’d already decided he wouldn’t take on any new little boys, after Cole died. Roy was the last one, the last child to shepherd to adulthood, the last he had to test. “God,” he cries, holding the little boy he’s just killed in his arms. “Why couldn’t you have let me have the last one? Why didn’t you give him the strength to overcome it?” He rocks the body back and forth. “Why did you let any of this happen? Why do you make us have to kill our sons?”

“God’s got nothing to do with this,” Jennifer says softly. “This is evil. If God allowed such evil as this to exist, then She’s not worth worshipping, and if She can’t stop it, then there’s no point in blaming her. It was the aliens.”

The aliens his ancestors drove off planet, who he’ll never have a chance to fight, or get revenge on. There’s no one he can blame who’s here. He understands the system, he understands the necessity. Little boys who try to commit femicide once don’t have the control to stop themselves from doing it again, and if it’s not the bait with her paint bags in her shorts and the radio transmitter to make the gun fire paint pellets, it’ll be a girl or women who really dies because the boy will have a real weapon. They can’t let the femicides live among them, and they can’t send them away to live with the few bands of roving femicidal men that still exist… the only reason those still exist was that once upon a time, femicidal sons were turned out into the wilderness. Where they could grow up to be bandits who invaded compounds, stole the food, and murdered the women. The men, too, because the men would defend the compound, but the women they’d hunt and kill for fun.

He would never have wanted a future like that for Roy. But he didn’t want this, either.

“I’m… I’m going to go. I’ll radio the compound and let them know the results of the test.”

“You do that,” Matt says bitterly. He knows his anger isn’t fair. He knows his attempt to drive Jennifer off, put off the test at the last minute and get her to come back another day so Roy could maybe develop stronger self-control first, was wrong. He knows it could have resulted in Roy murdering someone he loves. Loved. But how much better is it that Matt had to murder someone he loves? Why do they need to kill the teen boys to protect the women? Oh, he knows why, he signed on for this job years ago because he knew why, he’s seen what happened when a boy grew into a killer and turned on the women he knew. But why has God or Fate or Allah or whatever the fuck is up there listening to human prayers allowed this? Why is this horrible thing something that they are forced to do?

After what seems like hours, crying and holding Roy’s body and whispering how sorry he is, he’s finally out of tears. He looks down at his pistol. Cole’s dead six years on now, and there’s no man in his bed waiting for him, back home. There’s no little boy he’s working with, and there will never be one again. Is there anyone to care if he lives or dies, now? What if he ate a bullet, right now, so he could stop seeing Roy and Jason and Manuel and little Matt, named for him and he still shot him in the head while the boy was bent over the bait’s body, and all the others, all the boys who loved and trusted him, and failed the test he brought them into? Was there any good reason not to?

…there were the boys who’d lived. Adults now, all of them, but they loved and respected him as their old uncle, and they still were willing to spend time with him, sometimes. There were the girls, who yelled “Mister Matt! Mister Matt!” when they saw him and crowded around him, showing off their accomplishments, and he’d never have to take any of them up the mountain. There are trans boys who just figured it out, and need an older man to mentor them and teach them how to be a man, and none of them will ever need to go up the mountain either. There are the gay boys who want to talk to him about boyfriends, and how to date a guy, and how sex works, and all the other things gay boys need to know.

He can still help the children. But he’s never going to take on a little boy as his nephew again.

After a few more moments, he picks up Roy’s rifle, which can’t fall into the wrong hands, and his own pistol, and slings them into the holsters he has for them, on his belt or on his back. Then he picks Roy up and cradles him. A fireman’s carry would be easier, especially with the long hike down the mountain, but he wants to give his boy’s body as much dignity as he can. He won’t sling Roy over his shoulder like a flour sack. He’ll carry the dead weight of the boy down the mountain, and then he’ll carry it for the rest of his life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

this space intentionally left blank

triggers listed at bottom because they are spoilers

dashboard removes all the line spaces

so I have to put lines in

*

*

*

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Triggers: Child death. Serious misogyny. A backstory from the original story that involves a worldwide near-complete femicide.

[pinoyscientists]

Meet Rey Donne Papa, freshwater ecologist

1) What do you do? 

I am a freshwater ecologist and I lead the Zooplankton Ecology, Systematics and Limnology (ZESL) research group at the University of Santo Tomas (UST). I established this research group in 2011, immediately after I finished my doctoral degree. 

We conduct research on freshwater microcrustacean zooplankton ecology and systematics and look various aspects of lake ecology, including studies on the biology and ecology of invasive copepods, physical limnology, food web studies, and biodiversity. 

Our studies have brought us to different freshwater ecosystems throughout the Philippines. We also collaborate with other local and foreign freshwater scientists to conduct studies in other freshwater ecosystems such as lotic environments (streams and rivers) and groundwater habitats. 

So far, I had been able to help mentor three Ph.D.’s, 18 M.Sc.’s and I think almost (if not more than) a hundred undergraduates since I started advising thesis students. 

2) Where do you work?

I am currently a Professor at the Department of Biological Sciences in UST. Since January of this year (2020), I am also the Dean of the UST College of Science (at 38, I am the youngest to be appointed to that position so far). I had previously served as chair of the UST Department of Biological Sciences for 2.5 academic years before I assumed the deanship. My first teaching appointment in UST was as a Teaching Assistant right after I finished my college degree in 2002 and rose through the ranks since then. I teach zoology and ecology courses in the undergraduate and graduate levels.

3) Tell us about the photos!

[Left:] Collecting zooplankton in Lake Calibato using a 102 um mesh size plankton net. This is the largest (and most expensive) net we have in our inventory. Since assuming administrative posts, I relish the few times that I can join my students on field work, usually wearing my Panama hat or my flat tweed cap (see photo in Lake Taal), depending on the weather! 

[Right:] I am well-known in the college for my research on zooplankton, thus, it is not surprising that for my birthdays (I was born October 17, 1981), I usually receive plankton-themed gifts or food. Here is a cupcake with Sheldon Plankton, the infamous villain of SpongeBob SquarePants.

4) Tell us about your academic career path so far. 

Elementary and High School – Marist School, Marikina

B.Sc. Biology – University of Santo Tomas (College of Science)

M.Sc. in Biological Sciences – UST (cum Laude)

Ph.D. in Biological Sciences – UST (cum Laude) (with a 6-month DAAD Sandwich Research Fellowship in the Limnological Institute, University of Konstanz, Germany)

Expert-in-Training – Museum and Institute of Zoology, Polish Academy of Sciences, Warsaw, Poland (April - May 2012)

Visiting Researcher – Invertebrate Zoology, California Academy of Sciences, USA (June - July 2016)

A loyal Tomasino, I have been affiliated with the Department of Biological Sciences of the College of Science, University of Santo Tomas since June 2002 (from Teaching Assistant to Professor). I received my tenure in UST in 2007. I am also affiliated with the UST Research Center for the Natural and Applied Sciences (since 2006) and the UST Graduate School (since 2013).

5) Anything else you’d like to share?

I hope that more young Filipinos would consider a career in science. We need a critical mass of scientists to cover many uncharted disciplines or sub-disciplines in the sciences. Given the growing number of available government scholarships to pursue science graduate (and undergraduate) degrees, we hope that more individuals get interested in pursuing science careers. As science and national development go together, a scientifically literate society would also be a sure indicator of future economic prosperity for our country.

I would also like to emphasize that ALL sciences are important. As such, those who work on the fundamental sciences (such as my field) should be supported in the same way that those working on the applied sciences are supported.

Lastly, all good science should be published. I encourage all our undergraduate science students to aim for quality research outputs, which may end up being considered for publication in the future. With proper mentorship from more established scientists, this is not impossible to achieve! Publications are an effective means of checking on the quality of science one has conducted, so good science should always find their way into quality publications.

[lay-d-l]

like i did for tvd imma start sayin' stuff here 'bout NCIS

after season four finale, Deeks started having insomnia and has been avoiding everyone

when he finally let Kensi into the house, she started saying something about some movie and he. fell. asleep

baby

Okay, they kissed, he was tortured, AND NOW THEY'RE BACK TO IGNORING THE FEELS

" i've missed you "

They mentioned Tony

Can you believe Arkady is mob boss???

Deeks bought a motorcycle

They mentioned Tony again

And jedi's???

She worries about him *heart eye emoji*

I love how Eric is jelaous of everyone and everything that comes into contact with Nell

Mercury is in retro thing

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS TALK ABOUT ROMAN GOD, JESUS, IT'S HERMES

OH MY GOD I FORGOT DEEKS AND I SHARE THE SAME BIRTHDAY!!!

Deeks likes trains, like Sheldon!

There's this newish show on Disney starring Zendaya, and her show mom is in this episode

The bathroom scene is killing me lmao

in sync

" just take the rest of my soul, why don't you "

YOU DO NOT JUMP INFORNTOF A MOVING TRAIN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Callen really isn't a tattoo person lmao

Bob Duncan in this one

OH, that episode with the terrosrist group from the 70s has that dad from DogWithABlog

Kensalina

THEY'RE ON A DATE

he's AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HIS PLACE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*ahem* she is wearing the same shirt as yeasterday

he didn't take the shot cuz he thought he might miss? he didn't want to be the one to hurt you. he would never hurt you

Also I think I already watched this episode, like two years ago on TV

" don't bring knife to a gun fight "

Unless you're Natasha Romanoff or Bucky Barnes

yup i saw this episode, yet idk how it ends, i think the girka (if that's how it's spelled) guy dies

our thing

Okay, so, on I've seen this season, almost entirely on TV. This is season 5... I thought it's season 8...

Also Kensi is going to Afghanistan to see her ex-fiance

I mean she's going for a mission, but she's gonna see him. I think his name is Josh. Or John

Oh and Sabatino's gonna be there too

Nell is the first person I heard Hetty call by name

Shaggy and Velma™

I like this Lily girl, too bad she's a side character

LOVE Granger x Kensi duo

If Nell doesn't take Hettys place someday imma riot

I'm pretty sure Hetty gives /the/ best gifts

If you want to assert dominance, become Hetty Lang

I hate how people always assume Deeks' partner is a he

G-man

Granger and Kensi are supposed to go on video chat with everyone else, and Granger is /repetedly/ calling Kensi (by her name not agent Blye) and she is combing her hair.

for Deeks

I AM SCREAMING (^^^)

Four of them are an AMAIZING team

Even if Kensi isn't here at this time

Sunshine™

and Gunpowder

Nell had Deeks' sweatshirt

Also, she's awesome

8/10 times I have no idea how the crime is a matter of national security...

I don't like you...

What a small world

HETTY WAS THERE WHEN THEY INVENTED THE INTERNET???

The detonator phone they used is the same my grandpa has lmao

I don't like you...

His name is Jack

I love how everytime someone is in the interogation room, and they're partner is in there with someone else, everybody look at that person

I hate these episodes when they're in Afghanistan... Deeks gets violent, Kensi is in danger, Sabatino is a jerk...

They're STILL talking about the box! This is worst than Nesta and Cassian...

WonderWoman spots-bra and Superman underpants

love how Deeks /always/ jumps on Kensi when something blows up

Here's Bob Duncan again

G doesn't know who's Waldo...

How idiotic must you be to take a fireing hand granade into your hand???

Yes, Sam, I am talking about you

I don't like you...

DEAs Thalia what-ever-her-last-name-may-be is back and she said, and I quote "when we last hooked-up"

To Kensi

ABOUT DEEKS

I so don't like you...

K: she's beautiful! D: YoU'rE bEaUTiFuL! K: *punches him*

"it's more like brother-sister relationship"

Yeah if y'all are Cersei and Jamie Lannister, then yes, it is a brother-sister relationship

OH OH OH, when G says: "You caannot escape!" and the other guy says: "Neither can you."

THAT WAS ON THE TV PROMO

which i knew by heart

once

[best-science-dad-tony]

Are you all still active? And do you accept oc rp accounts or only canon based ones?

((Oh boy.

So here’s the thing...I’m probably not going to give these blogs quite the attention I did in the beginning, and I should explain why because you all deserve that.

At first, I didn’t think these things would go anywhere. I figured they’d be fun to play around with, banter, get some jokes in and see a few likes, maybe a reblog or two. But then they started gaining traction, and before I knew it, people were invested in my silly little accounts.

I wrote down a quick sketch of a plot and some ground rules for myself, rules that I intended to follow. I essentially wrote a post-Endgame story before Endgame after I saw Infinity War incorporating the elements I wanted to see in the next movie. At the time I was one person. No one was helping me. I knew I wanted to tell a story you all could participate in and enjoy, and to do that I thought it was best if I laid out a groundwork for myself on ways to do that. Things like resolving to answer every Ask, even if it was just to warn the person to stop what they were doing. To adopt every kid (at first that wasn’t on Anon but then I gave in). To give you guys Milestone rewards as thank yous, because even when I just hit fifty subscribers on Tony’s blog, I was ecstatic and appreciated you all so much, and felt like you deserved something so I could show you my gratitude. Unfortunately, before they went up...someone forced me to use one I wasn’t expecting. Literally right after I had made the rule for myself.

I told myself that if anyone found an Infinity Stone, it would be the one Tony had.

The Soul Stone.

I needed the Soul Stone for the plot to work, but I needed Tony to have a safety precaution around it too since Thanos was (is?) still alive. I told myself that if someone found out Tony had the Stone and wasn’t supposed to, he would have a way to protect it. So I had to use the solution I gave him: FRIDAY sending the Stone to an unknown planet with one of the Iron Man suits and promptly wiping her databanks of its location so Thanos or anyone else would be unable to find it. 

So someone found an Infinity Stone...and it was just...gone. Before I’d figured out how Tony would get it back.

My fellow Admins all know this. I can’t begin to tell you how many discussions I’ve had with them trying to write myself out of this hole. Usually, I’m pretty good at getting characters out of seemingly impossible situations...but I haven’t come up with anything that feels believable, that I feel like justifies the plot I have in mind or really respects the characters and who they are.

Normally I would have just gotten rid of the plot point of the Soul Stone being lost completely...but this isn’t an unfinished chapter in my Google Docs. It already happened. I can’t change it.

I don’t know if you guys have read Mercy by Stephen King or watched the movie, but it makes an excellent point that I strongly agree with:

Annie Wilkes : When I was growing up in Bakersfield, my favourite thing in the whole world was to go to the movies on Saturday afternoons for the Chapter Plays.

Paul Sheldon : [nodding]  Cliffhangers.

Annie Wilkes : [shouting]  I know that, Mr. Man! They also called them serials. I'm not stupid ya know... Anyway, my favourite was Rocketman, and once it was a no breaks chapter. The bad guy stuck him in a car on a mountain road and knocked him out and welded the door shut and tore out the brakes and started him to his death, and he woke up and tried to steer and tried to get out but the car went off a cliff before he could escape! And it crashed and burned and I was so upset and excited, and the next week, you better believe I was first in line. And they always start with the end of the last week. And there was Rocketman, trying to get out, and here comes the cliff, and just before the car went off the cliff, he jumped free! And all the kids cheered! But I didn't cheer. I stood right up and started shouting. This isn't what happened last week! Have you all got amnesia? They just cheated us! This isn't fair! HE DID'NT GET OUT OF THE COCK - A - DOODIE CAR!

Paul Sheldon : [long pause]  They always cheated like that in cl... chapter plays.

I don’t want to cheat you all. As arrogant as it might sound, I think I’m a better writer than that. And you all certainly deserve better than that.

When I went to see Endgame (in full Tony Stark cosplay, might I add), I hoped to find inspiration to continue. And let’s just say that ending killed a part of me and I’m still dealing with nightmares and panic attacks over it. My mom asked me if I wanted an Avengers cake for my 22nd birthday and I burst into tears. I just...I can’t handle it right now.

But I recently got my inspiration back for this plot. I remembered how much I loved my ideas, the little timeline I had laid out for myself. I remembered how much fun it was for Tony and Stephen to interact with their kids, for Thor and Loki to talk to Midgardians. I remembered how much fun it was to use obscure ships. And I want to do it. For those reasons, I want to come back to it. I want to see that plot through to the end of the line, whatever that may be.

So I’ve added some elements, and I’ve decided to go in with firmer rules than I had at the beginning, where I would let anyone tell Tony and Stephen “yeah, so...I’ve been stabbed, ‘sup with you guys lol”.

The catch is...it won’t be on these blogs.

It would mean going through everything on them and pretending it didn’t happen, which hardly seems fair, especially when so many people still like and reblog some of my more popular posts. It doesn’t seem fair to just throw all of that away.

Like I said, I don’t want to cheat you, and doing that feels like cheating to me.

So instead I’m starting over. I’m in the process of setting up new blogs, a new Discord server, and I’m working with my Admins to put these new blogs into place.

The other big twist is...I won’t be advertising them here.

I don’t want you all to think I don’t value and appreciate all your kindness and support.

But I don’t want you all to join those new blogs just because I made a joke on Bucky’s account (in this set of blogs) that you liked. I want you to join because you’re invested, because you enjoy the interactions, because you like my writing for what it is and not just because it’s me typing it. It’s the same reason I have a separate AO3 account I never share.

I feel proud when people come to these blogs and see Tony confronting Steve and find out I was writing both of them, not bouncing off a fellow Admin.

I hope I don’t sound ungrateful. I’m swear not. But I want the new blogs to earn their following just like these did. You all saw something in these blogs, whether it was a joke, some advice; something that meant something to you. Maybe you saw family. Maybe you saw a friend. I don’t know. But I sincerely hope that whatever it was, I earned that follow from you. That I earned those likes and reblogs of my own volition.

All I ask of you is if you want to see where these new blogs will go, if you want to follow them, if you find them, please, don’t spoil what will happen for any newcomers who join the ranks. Certain plotpoints will carry over. I want any new fans to be as invested and surprised as you were.

Maybe one day I’ll tell you where the plot moved if you can’t find it and you want to know the big picture. Maybe you’ll just unfollow me or ignore the fact that I’m working on something else.

But I’m not going to just up and abandon these blogs. For a long time, they meant something to me, and at least to some of you. They’ll stay up, and I’ll answer your asks and engage with you. I can’t speak for the other Admins. But with me, you’ll always have someone to message, even if I take forever. But no more nitty-gritty plot. We’ll say Thanos got tired of holding Quill prisoner and fucked off somewhere. These blogs are now just for lighthearted family fun.

This is a long-winded rant to say that yes, I am still active in some ways, and I’m not in others.

As for OC accounts, they have always been welcome, but they don’t get put on the Masterlist or get OC-centric plots. Just be sure to follow certain rules- like Tony having no biological children.

I’m sorry for the rant.

TL;DR: I’m making new blogs to write this plot as I originally intended, but these will stay up and you can message them (at least mine). Also, OCs are cool and always welcome. ~Admin Chara))