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pedrospatch · 2 years ago

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to do the right thing l part iii

Post Outbreak!Joel Miller x Pregnant! Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: You go into labor earlier than expected in the QZ; Joel and Tess help you deliver the baby; after giving birth, you and Joel follow through with a heartbreaking decision.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. BOSTON QZ ERA. ((TW)) PREGNANCY, mentions and references to adoption. mentions of dead bodies, child death (not what you think), descriptions of childbirth. angst. soft, protective Joel.

word count: 7.9k

a/n: Please do not hate me. That is all. (:

June, 2020

Disposing of the infected was a shity job.

But then again, most of the civilian jobs in the Boston QZ were pretty fucking shitty.

Still. This particular one had to be the absolute shittiest of the shitty.

Having to haul dozens upon dozens of dead bodies, the accidental inhale of soot and smoke even through your makeshift mask, not to mention, the nauseating smell of burning human flesh—you’d hated getting assigned to this work detail before, but now that you were only just a few weeks shy of being nine months pregnant, it felt like actual fucking hell on earth. And, to make matters even worse, Joel had been asked by one of the officials to head over to a different site and work a different job at the very last minute. He wasn’t by your side to lend you a hand like he usually did. Before being forced by authorities to leave the site, Joel instructed you to find a familiar face and do whatever you could do to get someone to help you when you needed it.

Luckily, on the other side of the open fire pit, you’d spotted Kevin. A younger man in his early twenties, you knew Kevin was something of an avid pill popper and one of Joel’s secret regulars. In exchange for a couple of oxycodone pills that you produced from the pockets of Joel’s jacket you were wearing, he had agreed to help you haul the heavier bodies and toss them in the fire pit.

“You know, you used to be real strong,” Kevin mused out loud as he took the shoulders of a heftier male body. Through a labored grunt, he continued, “You never needed anybody's help.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as you took the lower half of the body into your arms, taking subtle care not to strain yourself to the point of hurting yourself—or the baby. “Shut up and move, Kevin.”

“I’m just saying.”

“Seriously, Kevin,” You managed to say to him through gritted teeth as you helped him carry the body. “I’ll throw in another fucking pill if you just shut the fuck up, how about that?”

“Never used to be so cranky, either. Jesus, Miller’s really rubbing off on you, isn’t he?”

Ignoring him, you inhaled a deep breath, exhaling it as you two lifted the body and flung it into the pit. As you turned back towards the canopied pickup truck for the next one, your eyes fell on the tiniest little body that you had ever seen and you simply froze, a chill running up the length of your spine.

While it wasn’t the first time that you’d ever had to dump the body of an infected child, this one had to be the smallest—the youngest. Though his head had been covered with a brown, burlap sack just like the rest of the bodies, anyone with two fucking eyes and half of one brain cell could guess that he was, at most, around the age of a toddler.

“Jesus,” You whispered, noticing the dirty, bloodied white bandage around his teeny little arm. That’s where he’d been infected.

Kevin’s voice came from behind you. “Oh come on, this can’t be your first time seeing a kid, right?”

Your mouth had gone as dry as sandpaper. “I—I’ve never seen one this young,” You told him, feeling your heart sink into your stomach. “He couldn’t have been older than three or something.” Unable to fathom what had to come next, you turned to Kevin and shook your head. “I’ll need you to do this one. I just can’t.”

“Sure thing, sweet cheeks.” He raised an eyebrow and looked around before lowering his voice. “Just as long as you go back home tonight and let that guarddog boyfriend of yours know how much I helped you out, you know, since he wasn’t around to do it himself.” He paused, his beady, dark little eyes twinkling in sheer delight. “Maybe a two for the price of one discount during our next business transaction would be an appropriate way for him to show me some gratitude?”

If Joel could see the smirk on Kevin’s face, he’d knock it right off with his fist.

“Greedy motherfucker, aren’t you?” You muttered under your breath, before finally nodding your head in agreement. “Fine. I’ll make sure Joel hooks it up on your next deal.” Fat chance of that happening.

Satisfied, Kevin grinned and pushed past you, picking up the child’s body.

Unable to bring yourself to watch him toss it into the roaring flames, you hurriedly walked around to the side of the pickup truck, yanking down the red bandana you used as a mask down from over your nose and mouth. Placing a hand on the side of the truck, you hunched over and closed your eyes for a brief second. “Jesus Christ,” You groaned in a whisper to yourself. “I think I’m going to be fucking sick.”

You half expected to toss your afternoon crackers right there onto the pavement in front of you. However, instead, just a split second later, you felt a sudden cramp in the middle of your pelvis—subtle, but still enough to make you wince. It was immediately followed by a feeling of intense pressure between your legs. Before your mind could even wrap itself around what was happening, there was a gush between your thighs, and warm liquid started trickling down the sides of your legs.

Shit.

Terrified, you glanced down.

Though they were dirty, you could distinctly see the wet patches on your faded, dark blue jeans. “No, no, no. This can’t be happening. It’s too fucking early—”

“Hey! What the hell are you doing over here? Who the fuck said you could stop and take a break?” One of the FEDRA officials who had been assigned to stand guard at the work site came up behind you, his weapon gripped tightly in his hands. When you whirled around to face him, his eyes fell and instantly noticed your soaked jeans. A look of disgust crossed his face. “Jesus. Did you just fucking piss yourself?”

“No—” You stopped yourself, realizing this could be your ticket out of there. “Yeah,” You replied, nodding your head, causing him to let out a repulsed noise. “Sorry. I just saw a little kid, must have made me—”

He held up one of his hands, stopping you. “Save it. I don’t give two shits,” he told you with a shake of his head. “Get your ass home right now and change your clothes, then come back. Make it quick. There’s still a lot of work to be done around here. Understood?”

You nodded again. The muscles in your pelvic area tightened and the feeling drew the tiniest of sharp breaths from you—your contractions were starting. “Yeah,” You managed to say to the official, keeping a straight face. “I’ll be back as fast as I can.”

He dismissively waved you away with his weapon and then stalked off back over to his post.

Letting out a small sigh of relief, you turned on your heel and started to make your way back to the apartment as quickly as possible.

Although the building was about a mile and a half up the road, it felt like you were trekking your way across the fucking country. You felt two more contractions along the way, and while their intensity was still pretty low in such an early stage of your labor, they still hurt like hell. They started around your lower back and gradually moved around to the front of your pelvis. You tried to push past the discomfort in order to get home as quick as possible, but every now and again, you found yourself having to stop in the middle of the sidewalk for just a brief second or two, only long enough to recollect and remind yourself that you needed to get a goddamn grip before someone noticed your strange behavior. Once the building finally came into your view, all you could do was silently pray that by some fucking miracle, Joel would be up there in that apartment, home from work detail.

Your prayer went unanswered.

When you opened the door to your quarters and walked inside, you’d found Tess home by herself. She was sitting at the table, sipping on a glass of whiskey and mindlessly flipping through a decades old newspaper.

“Tess,” You said her name, causing her to look up. “Where’s Joel?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“It’s fucking happening.”

Tess stared at you, her eyes widening slightly. “Wait, what?”

“The baby’s coming,” You informed her, pointing down to your damp jeans. Though you were panicking on the inside, you tried your best to remain as calm as humanly possible. “Where the fuck is Joel?”

Tess tossed aside her newspaper and stood up from the table. “I told you, I don’t know. I know he was reassigned but I’m not sure where—he sure as hell wasn’t with me.” She walked over to you, taking you by the elbow. She pulled you over towards the couch and helped you sit down. “I thought you said it would be at least a few more weeks before the baby came.”

You couldn’t help but shoot her an annoyed look. “Well, he’s coming now, Tess. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“How long ago did it start?”

“About half an hour ago, maybe. I was at the pits and my water broke after I saw—” You trailed off, deciding the details of what you had seen back at the work site weren’t necessary to disclose to her. “I’ve had a couple of contractions, but they’re pretty far apart.”

“It could be several hours before the baby comes, but there’s still no fucking way that we’ll be able to get you over to Bill and Frank’s in time.” Tess chewed anxiously on her bottom lip as she wracked her brain for any other possible options—it took her mere seconds to realize that there weren’t any other options. “You’re going to have to give birth here.”

“Fantastic,” You deadpanned, leaning back into the couch.

“Okay, here’s the deal. You stay put and I’m going to go out and find Joel. I know there’s a couple of places where he might have been assigned and if I’m right, I can be back with him quickly.” Tess pulled off her watch from her wrist. It was old and cracked, but otherwise, it still worked fine. “I need you to time your contractions. Try and be as accurate as possible.” She then reached into the back pocket of her jeans, producing a red handkerchief. She handed it to you along with the watch. “Listen. I know it’s going to hurt like hell, but you need to be as quiet as possible. Last thing we need is for someone to hear you and come running in here, especially while I’m gone. If you need to, you bite down on this to keep quiet, alright?”

You swallowed harshly, taking both of the items with nearly trembling fingers. “Alright.”

“Don’t worry. I’m going to find Joel and we’ll be back,” she promised you. “You stay right here, okay?”

“Because I’m such a fucking flight risk right now?”

“Even during labor, you’re still a fucking smartass, huh?” Tess rolled her eyes and reached for her jacket.

You watched her as she readied herself to take off. “Tess?”

“Yeah?”

“Hurry. Please.”

“Fuck,” You hissed, both of your hands planted on your lower back as you paced back and forth in the kitchen, trying your best to breathe your way through another contraction.

It had been over an hour and a half and Tess still hadn’t returned with Joel.

Your labor was progressing a lot quicker than you’d anticipated and while it could still be at least a couple more hours before the baby was born, you were still terrified at the mere thought of having to deliver him alone. You needed Joel—you didn’t want to have to do this without him.

“Jesus, fuck,” You cursed through clenched teeth. The waves of pain that were coming at you were almost enough to physically knock you off of your feet and right onto your ass. Tess had been smart to give you her handkerchief. During one particularly painful contraction, you’d shoved it into your mouth, muffling your cries of agony.

Another hour had passed and you were genuinely starting to believe that you were indeed going to have to give birth to the baby all alone in that apartment. “Where the fuck are you guys?” You mumbled to yourself. Perhaps something had happened to them—Joel and Tess had spent ample amounts of time in FEDRA lockup for the stunts that they pulled and it wouldn’t surprise you if they had gone and done something stupid, putting themselves behind bars for the night.

In an attempt to keep your mind from continuously wandering to worst case scenarios, you walked over to the kitchen sink and quickly filled up a large, chipped porcelain bowl with water. You rummaged around for the cleanest washcloth that you could find and then picked up the bowl in your hands, taking care not to spill as you hastily made your way around the single wall that divided the kitchen from the bedroom. You placed the bowl of water on top of the old, cherrywood dresser that separated yours and Joel’s bed from Tess’s bed and immediately started peeling off your dirty clothes. Wanting to hurry before another contraction came along, you dipped the cloth into the water and started running it all over your body, wiping away any soot and dirt that you’d brought home from the work site.

After you had finished cleaning yourself off as best as you possibly could under the circumstances, you searched through the drawers and grabbed one of Joel’s cleaner t-shirts, tugging it over your head. Even with the size of your swollen midsection, his shirt still fit you loosely enough, the hem of it falling to the top of your thighs. You’d finished just in time—another contraction starting coming on and you dropped down onto the bed, gripping the edge of the mattress as you hunched over in a world of hurt. “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

As it subsided, the sound of the front door opening caused your head to snap up and your heart to skip a beat. Had you been too loud? Or perhaps a neighbor had walked by and heard you?

“Baby?” Joel’s deep voice filled the small apartment. When he appeared around the wall and saw you, a look of utter relief crossed his face and he rushed over to you, Tess following behind him. He crouched down in front of you, both of his hands flying up to the sides of your face. “M’sorry darlin’, I got here as fast I could—”

Though you could have nearly cried from happiness that he was right there in front of you, you found yourself snapping at him, “What took you so fucking long? It’s been fucking hours!”

Tess jumped to Joel’s defense. “I’m sorry, it’s on me! It’s my fault. It took me forever just to fucking find his ass and then we had to find a way to sneak him away from the work site without anyone noticing,” she explained, holding her hands up. “Not to mention, he was on the other end of the fucking QZ. We got here as fast as we could—how far apart are they coming?”

You winced. The truth was, you’d been so busy trying to get through the contractions that you hadn’t been timing them at all. “About that.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I gave you one fucking job—”

“Look, they’re still decently far apart by a few minutes.” You placed a hand on your stomach, suddenly admitting, “But I do feel the urge to push already.”

Joel’s hands slowly dropped from your face and he glanced over his shoulder and up at Tess, looking confused. “Think it’s time?”

She shook her head. “I know it’s going to feel like you need to push as you get closer, but don’t,” she warned you, firmly. “Not yet. They need to come closer together, about a minute to thirty seconds apart. If you start to push too early, you could hurt the baby. Or tear yourself apart.” Tess took off her jacket, tossing it on a nearby chair. “Joel, keep her as comfortable as you can. I’m going to start gathering some supplies. She may not be ready to push now, but I’m thinking within the hour, it’ll be time.”

“Within the hour?” You nearly squeaked.

Joel turned back to you and cupped your face again. The familiarity of his rough, calloused hands on your skin brought some calmness, not enough to completely take your fears away, but just enough that you were able to stay somewhat level headed, even through every single emotion that you were feeling. “Baby, I know you're scared,” he said, his thumb grazing against your cheek. “But I promise you, everythin’ is gonna be just fine, alright? Look at me, right here, look at me,” he urged as he held your face firmly in his hands, forcing you to meet his gaze. “You’re gonna be fine. I won’t let anythin’ happen to you.”

“Joel, it’s childbirth,” You reminded him, smiling wearily. “Don’t make a promise you don’t know if you can actually keep.”

Though he knew deep down inside that you had a point, he repeated himself. “I won’t let anythin’ happen to you. Okay?”

You offered him a small, meek nod. “Okay.”

Joel lifted himself, pressing his lips gently to yours. He pulled away, murmuring against your lips, “That’s my girl.”

The hour that followed had been nothing short of horrific—the pain had become almost unbearable by this point. There wasn’t a single inch of your entire body that wasn’t drenched, soaked in perspiration. Your hair was an absolute mess, plastered to your forehead and to the sides of your face. Tess sat on her bed, waiting on standby for when it was time to deliver. Meanwhile, Joel, could only hold your hand in his and watch helplessly as you tried not to cry out too loudly.

“Joel,” You nearly pleaded his name, as if pleading for him to take his gun and put you out of your misery.

“I know, baby, I know,” he murmured soothingly, squeezing your hand in both of his. “I know it hurts.”

“What if I can’t do this?”

“Sorry, sweet darlin’ but you don’t have much of a choice,” he reminded you. He looked and sounded so fucking tired, so fucking exhausted—and he was. He was exhausted from having to sit there and witness you hurt while there wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do about it.

Once the contractions started coming in at less than a minute apart, Tess checked you. “I can feel the head. It’s time to start pushing,” she announced. Rolling up the sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows, she started giving you instructions. “You’re going to bear all the way down into your bottom as hard as you can. We’ll do ten second counts with short, quick rests in between each push until he comes out. Alright?”

You just about panicked. “Joel—”

“M’right here,” he quickly assured you. “Not goin’ anywhere.”

During the process, Joel had decided to sit behind you, his long legs on either side of you as he held you up at just a couple degrees shy of a ninety degree angle. Tess kneeled on the mattress between your legs, holding your knees apart as she counted through each push out loud for you.

You sank your front teeth hard into your bottom lip, the coppery taste of blood filling your mouth as you tried your hardest from screaming out.

“One, two, three, four—” Tess counted the numbers aloud until she reached the number ten. She watched you as you released a breath, and tapped your knee gently. “Come on, we’re almost there. He’s right there, you’re so fucking close. The harder you push, the quicker this will all be over. So give me one more big, strong push, alright?”

Joel squeezed your shoulders, his lips at your ear as he whispered to you over and over again, “C’mon baby, we’re almost there. It’s almost over.”

You were completely spent, exhausted both physically and mentally beyond what mere words could even explain. Close or not, you simply didn’t have it in you to keep going.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” You moaned, shaking your head as you slumped back against his chest, your head falling into his shoulder. Your body felt like it was just moments away from giving out on you. “I can’t do it, Joel. I just can’t fucking do this—”

“You can and you fucking will,” Tess all but snapped at you, forcing your knees further apart. “Come on, all I need is one more push. Just one fucking more.”

“But—”

“Baby, please,” Joel begged into your neck. “You have to do this.”

You whimpered. They were right—you didn’t have a choice.

“Okay. One more.” You gave a small, weak nod of your head.

Joel helped you sit back up into the previous position, using his body to help support yours. He kissed the back of your head, his hands on your shoulders again. “Good girl,” he praised, bracing himself to help you through the tail end of the delivery.

“Alright, let’s do this.” Tess positioned herself, her hands ready to receive the baby once he was born. “On the count of three. One, two, three—and push. Come on, that’s it. Come on.” Squeezing your eyes shut, you followed her encouraging words, bearing down as hard as you could muster while Joel counted you through that last strenuous push. “Baby’s out!” Tess nearly cried, and you quickly opened your eyes to see her holding the baby in her arms.

“Is he okay?” You panted, your chest heaving as you fought to catch your breath. Only mere seconds had passed, but already you found yourself in a state of anxiety over the fact that the baby hadn’t made a single sound yet. “He hasn’t cried—why hasn’t he cried?”

“She,” Tess corrected you, her eyes fixed on the newborn as she worked to clean her off with a damp washcloth. She rubbed her chest in quick, firm circles in an attempt to get her to take her first breath.

Your heart skipped a beat—you’d had a girl?

Behind you, Joel inhaled sharply, his body stiffening.

You watched in concern, your lips parted slightly at the sight before you. Not having the proper tools to clear the child’s airway, Tess tried everything and anything that she could think of to help the baby breathe. As the seconds turned into a minute, and then into two, your heart had all but climbed its way up your throat—never had you heard a silence so deafening.

“Tess,” Joel said her name, his tone dangerously low.

“Fuck Joel, I’m trying here!” Tess snapped at him. She let out a small, frustrated sigh and then turned the baby over onto her forearm. She started patting the infant’s back with her opposite hand. “Come on, sweetheart. Come on, you’re alright. Please breathe. Please—”

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the baby sputtered and let out a wet cough before a small, quick cry filled the entire apartment.

“Fuck,” You breathed out in complete and utter relief. You sagged back against Joel, who’d also released the breath he’d been holding.

“Shh,” Tess soothed her, flipping the baby back over and bouncing her in her arms in an attempt to quiet her.

Joel carefully climbed out from behind you, helping you to lean back, up against the wall. “You alright?”

“Better now that I know she’s okay.”

“She’s small, definitely at least a couple of weeks premature, but she looks healthy,” Tess observed. She single handedly clamped the cord, cutting it with a pair of sharp shears before she finished cleaning her off. She reached for the flannel throw blanket next to her, however upon picking it up, she had realized it wasn’t a blanket at all. It was Joel’s flannel jacket, the very same one that you’d worn for most of your pregnancy. But it had been washed the day before and it would do for the time being. Tess wrapped the baby in the jacket before easing her into your arms. Knowing that you’d never held a baby before, Tess reached out and maneuvered your arms, making sure that you were holding her properly, supporting her head and neck. “That’s it. There you go.”

Your heart swelled to twice its normal size inside of your chest and an inexplicable warmth radiated throughout every fiber of your being the moment you laid your eyes on her sweet, tiny little face. “Hi, there,” You cooed gently to her. “Welcome to the shitshow.”

Tess chuckled, crossing her arms over her chest. “Son of a bitch. We fucking did it.”

“What the hell do you mean we?” You rolled your eyes in a joking manner. The truth of the matter was that you would forever be in her debt for all that she had done to help you, not just through childbirth—through everything.

You then glanced over at Joel, who stood silently behind her, hands planted on his hips.

He said nothing, but his dark brown eyes were glued to the newborn.

Tess cleared her throat lightly, breaking the momentary silence that had suddenly fallen over the three of you. “I’ll give you a minute to take a breather while I go clean myself up. I’ll be back to show you how to feed her.”

She excused herself, heading off towards the kitchen.

Joel shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot. “You—uh, you sure you’re alright?”

“Mhm,” You replied with a nod, unable to contain the small smile that crossed your lips as you drank in the sight of the beautiful baby girl in your arms. She had been born with a head full of dark hair—instantly, she reminded you of Joel. “She’s so little.”

Joel said nothing.

Looking up, you noticed the way his eyes took her in—the same way yours did.

Part of you almost wanted to ask him if he wanted to hold her.

But you knew better.

“We’ll radio Bill and Frank tomorrow in the morning to let them know she’s here ,” Tess said, coming back into the room. She used a damp cloth to wipe away the blood and other fluids from her forearms. “As soon as you’re able to move, you’ll have to get her over to them.”

Your face fell slightly. “Wait, how soon are we talking?”

“Thinking maybe in a couple days—soon as you can walk.”

Your heart sank deeply into your chest.

Just a couple of days?

That’s all you would get with her?

Noticing the crestfallen expression on your face, Joel nodded. “Tess is right,” he agreed. “We can’t hide a cryin’ baby in this apartment for too long without someone catchin’ on. The sooner we get her over to Bill and Frank’s, the better.”

You somehow managed to swallow the lump of emotion that had risen in your throat as you looked back down at her tiny face—your daughter’s tiny face.

“Think of a name for her yet?” Tess asked you, tossing her dirty cloth aside.

Joel quickly stepped in and answered for you. “Best you don’t.”

“What?” You stared at him in disbelief. Although neither of you had discussed it, you’d thought that at the very least Joel would allow you to name your child—his child.

“The less attached you are to her, the better.” His tone was short, almost curt. “Less harder it’ll be.”

Even Tess was taken by surprise. “Joel, come on. Are you fucking seri—?”

He held up a hand to stop her. Whirling around on the hell of his boot, Joel said over his shoulder as he left the room, “I’ll be outside. Need some air.”

Your lips pressed together in a thin, tight line. “I guess he’s right.”

The mattress squeaked, shifting slightly as Tess took a seat right next to you on the bed. “You know it’s going to hurt him too,” she told you, quietly. “He’ll never admit it. But when the time comes, it’ll hurt him too.”

“I know,” You whispered, grazing the baby’s cheek lightly with the tip of your index finger.

“Joel loves you, you know.”

Tess’s words caught you by surprise. “Tess—don’t. You don’t need to do this.”

She laughed in spite of herself. “You know, I never thought that man could be capable of loving anyone else ever again, not in this life. Hell, I tried for fucking years just to get him to feel a fraction of what I felt for him and nothing.” Her voice became thick with the emotions that she’d undoubtedly been suppressing for the last few years. “I don’t know what is about you, what drew him to you. But he does love you. More than fucking anything.”

“He’ll probably never admit that either.”

Tess smiled sadly. “I know.”

The five hour trip on foot from the Boston QZ to Lincoln was one that you had gotten used to over the last couple of years, but this trip had been something of a struggle for you, to say the very least.

Between being only a couple of days postpartum, having to make frequent stops to feed the baby, and having her strapped tightly to your chest in a makeshift baby carrier—which in reality was actually just a bedsheet that wrapped around your upper body—you felt quite worn out by the time you and Joel finally made it to Bill and Frank’s.

“Come in, come in,” Frank placed a hand gently on your back as he ushered you inside of the house. “How are you doing? Are you okay?” He tossed a little glare over his shoulder at Joel. “Shame on you for making her walk three days after giving birth! Surely you could have waited at least a few more days before making the trip?”

Joel let out a small, impatient huff and rolled his eyes in response.

“We didn’t wanna risk being caught with her,” You quickly explained as he led you both into the living room. “Our walls are paper thin and she cries real loud. We didn’t wanna risk having the neighbors reporting us to FEDRA.”

“She’s a crier?” Bill, who kept his distance, scoffed. “Great.”

“Oh, stop it, Bill. I’m sure she’ll be a very good baby,” Frank waved his hand dismissively at him.

“Can you guys help me unwrap?” You asked, lightly tugging at the sheet. “This thing is so uncomfortable.”

Both Joel and Frank helped untie and remove it from around your body.

“Oh my word.” Frank’s hand flew to his mouth and tears instantly welled in his eyes as soon as saw her. “I never thought I’d see—” He trailed off, but you knew what he meant. He never thought he’d see another child ever again, much less a newborn baby. Frank knew better than to overstep or to push you too quickly, and despite his immediate urge to ask you if he could hold her already, he simply settled for lightly touching his fingertips to her tufts of soft, dark hair. “Oh, she’s so beautiful! Isn’t she beautiful, Bill?”

“Looks like an ordinary baby to me,” he grumbled, though as he eyed the child, there was a strange little glint in his eye. Bill, like Frank, also never thought that he’d ever see something like her again.

Frank sniffed, dabbing his tears away with the back of his hand. “Oh! I have some onesies from the boutique, let me grab one for you,” he stated, realizing that the baby was naked, with the exception of the improvised diaper you had her in. “She’s kind of small, even for a newborn. Do you think she came early?” He asked over his shoulder as he walked over to the other side of the room towards a pile of cardboard boxes. “I know it’s hard to tell what week you reached gestation.”

“We think so,” You said, carefully taking a seat on the couch. “She’s small, but she’s healthy. She eats well, she mostly sleeps through the night unless she wakes up hungry or needing to be changed.”

“Here.” Frank walked back over to you and handed you a cream colored onesie printed with yellow sunflowers. He also handed you a matching cloth diaper. “They’re preemie size, but I have a box of newborn sizes too if they’re too snug on her. You let me know what you think is best, alright?”

It didn’t take you very long to realize that Frank was allowing you just a taste of what it was like to properly and normally care for your baby, just like any mother would in a pre-outbreak world.

Part of you wished that he wouldn’t bother, but you still appreciated his kindness nonetheless.

Frank laid a soft, pink blanket on the couch for you to lay her on.

As you changed her, you felt Joel watching almost intently.

Since she’d been born, he still hadn’t held her. You didn’t take offense to it, nor did it hurt your feelings that he refused to touch her, because you knew how he was feeling—what he was feeling. You would often catch him stealing long, lingering glances at her whenever he’d think you weren’t paying attention. Deep down in your heart, you knew he ached to interact with her, that he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and give into his paternal instincts. But he was simply trying to make this process as painless for himself as possible. Joel didn’t want to risk developing any kind of attachment to her.

“Does she have a name?” Frank asked, holding his hands behind his back as he watched you button up the onesie. At this point, he was itching to hold her for the first time, but he wanted to respect what little time you had left to interact with her.

Sure, you would be able to see her every now and again, but Joel was adamant of keeping visits to a minimum.

“She doesn’t,” You replied in a soft voice. “We didn’t name her.”

Joel, who had taken a seat in the rocking chair next to the couch, raked a hand through his hair as Frank shot him glare, as if he knew whose idea it had been to not give her a name. “S’only right for you two to choose a name. We ain’t got no business givin’ her a name.”

“He’s right,” You said, before Frank could protest. “It’s best we leave that to you and Bill.”

Frank touched your shoulder. The sympathy in his eyes nearly made you burst into tears on the spot. Wanting to allow for a brief change of subject, he offered, “How about we all have a bite to eat? Hmm? Surely you must be starving after that long walk.”

You forced a small smile. Food was the last thing on your mind. “That would be nice,” you fibbed.

For the rest of the afternoon, you refused to put the baby down.

Your arms ached from holding her for so long—but you couldn’t care less. It was one ache that you would happily deal with for the rest of your natural born life if it meant never having to let her go.

Frank had been completely understanding of your desire to keep her with you for as long as you possibly could. Being the incredibly sweet, kind soul that he was, he showed you nothing but patience and didn’t question you, nor did he push you or grill you on whether or not you had changed your mind about leaving her in their care. Bill, being Bill, had muttered a few, passive aggressive incoherencies towards you under his breath over lunch—something about how for someone who claimed they wouldn’t have a problem giving up their baby, you sure as hell seemed to have a hard time letting her out of your grasp.

However, once the late afternoon finally rolled around, you knew that the time for you to say goodbye was on the horizon. As much as you fucking wished you could, there was no changing your mind, not if you wanted your daughter to live safely, happily.

“Bill? Frank? Do you think we can have a minute with her, just the two of us?” You asked them. You had all moved back into the living room after lunch. Knowing time was running out, you hoped that you and Joel could have one last moment alone with her before it was time to leave.

“Of course.” Frank nodded and tugged on Bill’s arm. “We’ll be out in the front yard—the plants need some watering.”

You shot him a tiny, grateful smile. As they disappeared, you leaned back into the couch and made yourself comfortable with the baby.

Joel, who sat over in the rocking chair as he had earlier, pursed his lips. ��Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” he said, shaking his head at you. “We really should just hand her over and go home.”

“It’s going to be hard no matter what, Joel. May as well enjoy her for a while longer.” You glanced down at her just as she started fussing herself awake. She looked up at you with her dark eyes. “Hello, sweet girl,” You greeted her in a soothing voice as she cooed.

Joel watched with a heaviness in his heart as you kissed the infant’s cheek delicately. How he wished you would just fucking listen to him.

“You’re going to be safe here,” You told her, lifting your hand to her hair; the ends were beginning to curl slightly. “I know you might grow up and have questions one day, and who knows, maybe when you’re all grown up, you’ll know the truth about everything and you’ll understand why we did what we did.” You paused. “This is the right thing to do, sweet girl. It's the best thing for you. Frank is going to make a great dad, and Bill—well, Bill is Bill. But I know you’ll have him wrapped around your little finger in no time. I promise there’s a softie underneath that grumpy exterior, just have to bring it out of him, is all.” Despite it all, you couldn’t help but laugh a little.

Joel craned his neck ever so slightly to get a better look at her. “She’s so alert,” he observed. “Y’know, for bein’ a couple days old and all.”

You glanced up at him. Somehow, you mustered up the courage to ask, “Joel? Do you want to hold her?”

Joel hesitated. But you were shocked he didn’t immediately decline.

That meant that he did.

You carefully stood up from the couch and slowly walked over to him. Giving her another kiss on the cheek, you held her out towards him.

Joel looked at her reluctantly, but then gave in and took her into his arms. He leaned his weight back into the chair and started rocking, knowing the movement would be soothing for the baby. “She’s got your nose,” he murmured, watching as the motion started luring her into another slumber.

“That head of hair is all you, though,” You told him with a tiny, sad smile. “I’m going to go get a glass of water from the kitchen. I’ll be right back.”

Moments later, when you’d returned, you stopped in your tracks out in the hallway when you heard Joel speaking. Furrowing your brows, you leaned your back against the wall and listened in to what he was saying.

“Hi babygirl,” he started, his voice low but gentle. “Everythin’ your mama just told you, well, she’s right. We’re doin’ this to keep you safe. We wanna give you a chance at a decent life. She doesn’t wanna give you up. Neither do I,” he confessed. “But we can’t—I can’t keep you safe. I can barely keep your mama safe most of the time, y’know.”

You hung your head, willing yourself to hold back the tears.

“I didn’t want you, at least not at first,” Joel continued to say, an ever so slight tremble to his voice. “Thought you were the biggest mistake we ever could’ve made. But now that you’re here and I’m holdin’ you in my arms, I realize I was wrong. I’m glad you’re here, babygirl. This world is ugly, but you remind me that there’s still beauty in it. Not a whole lot, but just enough to shine a little light in the darkness.”

Joel paused and as you peeked around into the living room, you saw him press his lips carefully to her cheek, right where you’d kissed her too. “You won’t be ours after today, but that doesn’t really matter. At the end of the day, you’re always gonna hold a place in my heart. Right next to your big sister. Alright?”

A tear slipped down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away with the back of your free hand. As soon as you were certain that he’d said all he had needed to say, you walked into the living room and offered him a sip of your water, behaving as if you hadn’t just heard him pour his heart out to his baby daughter. Joel moved over onto the couch with you and for the next couple of hours, the two of you took turns holding her. By the time early evening arrived, you realized that you and Joel were really pushing it. And knowing Bill, you were absolutely overstaying your welcome.

“So, we just wanted to check in with you two,” Frank said tentatively, nervously wringing his hands together as walked into the room with a very unhappy Bill trailing behind him. “It’ll be getting dark soon.”

You and Joel stood from the couch; he handed the baby over to you.

Your heart lodged in your throat, you walked over to Frank and eased her into his arms. “Here you are.”

Taking a step backwards, you watched as he looked down at her, his face beaming.

“Fatherhood looks good on you,” You couldn’t help but tell him. And you meant it.

Frank was going to make the most incredible, loving father.

“Does it?” Although he was smiling, he sounded nervous.

“You’re going to be a natural,” You touched his arm lightly. “We know she’s going to be in the best possible care.” Dropping your hand back down to your side, you glanced over at Joel, who stood there silently, his jaw clenched. “We’d better be going.”

“You know you’re more than welcome to come and see her whenever you’d like,” Frank offered. “We really wouldn’t mind that.”

“Don’t take that too literally,” Bill gruffed behind him. “The less visits, the better.”

You nodded, your voice cracking slightly as you said, “We know.”

“Let’s get a move on.” Joel nudged you lightly with his elbow. Did you just hear his voice break a little too?

After one final goodbye, about five minutes later, you and Joel found yourselves on the other side of the fence.

Joel noticed the expression on your face. He could see you crumbling right in front of his very own eyes like a pastry. He didn’t know what to say or do to make it better—hell, he knew nothing was going to make it better. He wanted so badly to reach out and put his arms around you, but he was afraid that one touch would cause you to come undone. “C’mon, we need to get movin’ before it gets too late or we’ll freeze our asses off,” he reminded you quietly. He started leading the way, but turned around when he realized you weren’t following behind him. “Baby—”

And just like that, the sob you’d been fighting finally escaped you.

“I’m sorry, Joel,” You quickly shook your head, trying desperately to stop the tears, but it was too late.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s alright—”

Before Joel could reach out for you, you sank down to your knees on the gravel. You placed your hands over your mouth, trying to muffle the sound of your cries. You knew it would be hard, but nothing could have prepared you for the god awful feeling of leaving Bill and Frank’s empty handed, without your baby daughter in your arms.

Joel sighed softly and crouched down beside you, pulling you into his arms. “Shh, baby. I know,” he tried soothing you, one hand around your shoulders and the other gingerly stroking your hair. “I know.”

Though nightfall was fast approaching, he didn’t push you. He simply held you until you eventually ran out of tears and little hiccups were all that was left. “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop fuckin’ sayin’ you’re sorry,” Joel said, squeezing your body against his to keep you warm against the chilly, evening breeze. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for, alright?”

“It hurts. I know we did the right thing, but it hurts so fucking bad.”

Joel pulled away and looked down at you. The sadness was evident in his gaze. “We did do the right thing. She’s going to be safer here than she could ever be with us in the QZ,” he reminded you, as if you didn’t already know that. “At least here, she’ll be well fed. She’ll have running water. She’ll get to enjoy fresh, clean air. She’ll get to run around the front yard and play in the grass. She won’t have to walk home from fuckin’ FEDRA school past a fire pit full of burnin’ bodies every goddamn day.”

“Maybe it’s just me being selfish, but that doesn’t make it hurt any fucking less, Joel,” You confessed, the guilt causing a fresh batch of tears to brim your eyes. “I know we’ll still get the chance to see her every now and again, but it’s not enough. It won’t ever be enough for me.”

He leaned down, leaning his forehead against yours. “I know. Won’t ever be enough for me either.”

You closed your eyes, another tear finding its way down your cheek. “How the fuck are you supposed to go on when you feel like a part of your heart is missing?”

“You just do,” Joel whispered. “You just move on. Try to, anyway.” He rose to his feet and pulled you up with him. “When I lost Sarah, I had nothing. Nobody. Tommy wasn’t someone I could count on, he was too busy thinkin’ he could save the fuckin’ world.” He chuckled bitterly. “So I carried that grief with me for years, all on my own. Like the weight of a thousand bricks strapped to my fuckin’ back.”

“Joel…” You opened your eyes, your gazes meeting together.

He lightly brushed his lips against forehead. “You ain’t alone, darlin’. You have me and I ain’t gonna let you carry this pain alone. You understand me? Never.”

“I know that,” You choked out.

Joel pulled you against him once again, his arms wrapping themselves around you.

“I love you.”

It was just above a whisper, barely audible but you’d heard him.

Clutching fistfuls of his jacket, you buried your face into his chest, uttering, “I love you too.”

#joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #tw pregnancy #fic: tdtrt

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nephalem-da · 4 months ago

Note

Hiiii the request you wrote (sarcastically yours) was so cute and I really loved the gender neutral non description of the reader like somebody else pointed out in the comments too.

I have another idea/request if you happen to be up for it.

Bill x gn!reader who is touch starved and had a terrible week. When Bill pops up to cause trouble they just snag him from mid air and trap him a hug as they lay down to cuddle him if he wanted to or not.

Over all mood can be kind of reader being tired and not taking shit or giving any fucks while he quirms in their hold, complaining and threatening them dramatically because how dare they just cuddle him? And why does he feel strangely cozy?

Anyway, thanks again for bringing the first request to life <3

Have a lovely day!!!

Caught In A Hug

(Bill Cipher x GN!Reader)

Enjoy!

Genre: Humor, Fluff, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warning: Emotional exhaustion, Bill's chaotic behavior (mentions of bugs, fire, etc.), Light angst, fluffy ending.

Summary: After a rough week, you're too tired to deal with Bill Cipher's antics. When he appears, you pull him into an unexpected cuddle, ignoring his dramatic protests.

After an exhausting week, all you wanted was some peace, but of course, Bill Cipher had other plans. The chaotic dream demon had been popping in unannounced, causing trouble like always. But tonight, you were done. When he appeared mid-air, ready to start his usual antics, you didn’t hesitate. Reaching up, you snagged him from the air, pulling him into a firm embrace as you collapsed onto the couch.

“What the—HEY! What do you think you’re doing?” Bill’s voice was loud, his single eye widening in surprise as he flailed in your arms. “Let go of me, fleshbag! I’m the all-powerful Bill Cipher! You think you can just—HEY!”

You ignored his dramatic outburst, too tired to care about the dream demon's protests. Your arms tightened around his floating form as you sighed, settling deeper into the cushions. “Not today, Bill. I’ve had a really crappy week, and I just need this. You can complain all you want, but you’re not going anywhere.”

His yellow, triangular body squirmed against you, and his eye darted around, probably plotting some chaotic retaliation. “Oh, you’re gonna regret this! I’ll make bugs crawl out of your cereal! I’ll—ACK! Hey, are you even listening?!”

“Nope,” you muttered, eyes already half-closed as you buried your face into his smooth form, not bothering to think about how weird it was to be cuddling a literal demon triangle. “You’re warm. Kinda cozy too.”

Bill sputtered. “Cozy? ME? You’ve got some nerve! I’m a nightmare, a terror, an all-knowing force of the universe! And you—you—let go right now, or I’ll—” His threats trailed off as you shifted slightly, adjusting your grip to pull him closer.

He wriggled, floating slightly above you but still locked tight in your hug. “You really have no idea who you’re messing with, do ya? This is gonna end badly for you, I swear—Hey, stop nuzzling me! What’s wrong with you?!”

“Bill,” you grumbled, barely opening your eyes. “I’m too tired for your drama. Just… be quiet for a bit. I’m not letting go.”

There was a pause. You felt him stiffen, probably trying to figure out how to react to the situation. You couldn’t tell if he was more annoyed, confused, or horrified that you dared to trap him in such a mundane, human gesture.

“This is so beneath me,” he grumbled under his breath, though his voice had lost some of its earlier venom. “You’re lucky I’m feeling generous today. Normally, I’d make you regret this for eternity.”

You snorted softly, tightening your hold slightly. “Sure, Bill. Whatever you say.”

The room was quiet for a while after that. You could still feel Bill’s occasional squirm as if he couldn’t decide whether to break free or not. His eye darted around, and you could tell he was struggling with the situation—partly because it was so mundane, and partly because… well, he wasn’t used to this. Who would hug a literal chaotic being?

Bill’s grumbling gradually faded into silence, and you felt him settle in your arms. Despite his earlier protests, he wasn’t putting in much effort to escape anymore. It was almost as if he was… relaxing?

You could feel his energy pulsing slightly against you, warm and oddly comforting. It was bizarre, really—cuddling Bill Cipher of all beings. But right now, with how drained you felt from the week, it was exactly what you needed.

A while passed before Bill spoke again, his tone a little quieter and far less aggressive than before. “This doesn’t mean anything, got it? Don’t go thinking I’ve gone soft or anything.”

“Mmhm,” you mumbled, too close to sleep to argue. “Sure.”

“And I’m only letting this happen because you’re clearly too weak to handle my usual brilliance,” he continued, though it sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as you. “But just wait. I’ll make you regret it. I’ll turn all your furniture upside down, make your mirrors talk back—maybe even—”

You interrupted him by shifting slightly, pulling him even closer. Bill went silent, his body tense in your arms again as if he wasn’t sure how to react. After a few beats, he let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “You’re impossible.”

Despite his words, Bill didn’t move. In fact, he moved a bit closer, his usual chaotic energy now strangely subdued. For someone who thrived on chaos and destruction, being held like this clearly wasn’t something he understood—or was used to. And yet, he didn’t pull away.

The longer the silence stretched, the more you noticed a subtle shift in Bill’s attitude. His squirming had stopped, and while he still made the occasional sarcastic comment, his usual snark had softened into something more… tentative.

“Alright, fine,” he muttered at last. “But don’t think this is a regular thing. This is a one-time deal, got it? You try this again, and I’ll—”

“Mmhm,” you repeated, your voice sleepy. “Whatever you say, Bill.”

Bill grumbled something unintelligible, but his protests were far less forceful now. His body felt warm and secure in your arms, and despite all his complaints, he hadn’t made any real effort to escape.

As your breathing slowed, you couldn’t help but notice a strange, unfamiliar comfort in his presence. Bill Cipher, the all-powerful, terrifying demon, was somehow… calming? Cozy, even.

And though he’d never admit it, you had a feeling he didn’t hate this as much as he was pretending to.

“You’re still going to regret this,” he muttered, though his voice was softer now, almost tired.

“Sure, Bill,” you whispered, finally drifting off to sleep, still holding him close. “Whatever you say.”

And for once, Bill Cipher didn’t argue back.

#bill cipher x reader #gravity falls #the book of bill #bill cipher #fluff #mutual pining #touch starved #tired

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greenwriterplaidbow · 1 month ago

Text

Tragic Accident

AKA the events that lead to the Human Connection series

Logan Howlett x Reader with injury related memory loss

Word count: 2.5K 3.8K after revisions

Author’s note: I do in fact have more! (I would like to thank this person for your patience, I started this when you sent this in but left it half done because of finals). Still inspired by Pandapetals’ memory loss fic. This is what led to the accident and when Logan actually saw the wreckage of an accident (because I apparently can’t just be content with being happy!). It’s kind of from his perspective? Still written in second person though.

Warnings: Major angst, stupid argument, car wreck, drunk driver (not Logan or the reader), reader refered to as she/her and Logan’s wife

Everything started in your home office. It was the busy season for teachers: checking that you taught the whole curriculum; assigning and then grading final projects; parent-teacher meetings. That night you were up grading group projects that had been turned in early. It was midnight when Logan walked into the room. It was one of many late nights you had recently. The two of you tended to be night owls anyways but this many nights without more than 4 hours of consecutive sleep was starting to get to you both. It wasn’t obvious but you could see it in the small details of your relationship. The way there was less exchanged affection. The way you helped each other with little things less. The way the physical space between you emphasized the growing separation. Logan had been laying in bed before he entered the office. He walked in and put his hands on your shoulders, maybe a little less gently than he normally would have.

“Babyy, why haven’t you come to bed yet?” You brought your hand up and softly rubbed his.

“Sorry hon, I just want to get these done tonight. This is the last one.”

“It can’t wait until tomorrow?” You spun your chair around to face him.

“It could.. But if I finish them as they come in, I’ll be done before finals week so I can spend more time with you!”

“You could spend more time with me now if you just came to bed-”

“I know, I know. But these kids finished it early, they’re already on pins and needles waiting for an answer, I shouldn’t make them wait longer than I need to. And you should be asleep already anyways, this was the one night this week you can actually get to bed at a decent time.”

“Tried. It’s always harder without you.” You stood up and brushed a hand through his hair.

“Poor baby. It won’t be much longer. I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

“I’ll just stay in here with you then.”

He walked over to his own desk and sat down across from you, watching as you finished grading. It was 10 minutes before Logan spoke up again.

“You almost done?”

You sigh and run your hands through your hair.

“Nope, not quite. Go to bed, I’ll only be a little longer.”

“I.. Yeah alright.”

He shook his head then got up and walked out. His jaw was tense as he paused at the door like he was going to say something. Apparently he decided against it and closed the door on the way out with a sigh.

He lays in bed. Staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. Logan had felt neglected before, just not usually by you. He was plenty used to being ignored or abandoned. It had happened before but this time was supposed to be different. You’d always been there before. You’d been through so much together. It was only now it felt like you were drifting away. You’re a busy person, he knows that. You’re always eager to help out in any way you can. From one-on-one training or tutoring with struggling students to filling in for a fellow teacher. You were always there for everyone else. But now it seemed to him that you were giving your time to anyone but him. It seemed like you were trying to avoid him. He thought back to the last few weeks. He’d twice tried to set up a date night with no success, the most recent attempt was the week prior.

He had caught you in between classes, preparing for the next lecture in an empty room.

“Heyy, I was thinking. It’s been a while: do you want to go out tonight?”

“I wish I could but I’m helping Jean tonight, some lab thing she’s trying to figure out. I’m honestly flattered she asked me-” You stopped yourself when you saw the look on his face, his eyes now avoiding yours as he pretended to study the ground. “I’m sorry Lo, I thought I told you on Monday.”

“No- it’s alright. I understand.. I’ll see you later though?”

“Yes. She said that she shouldn’t need me past 8 o’clock.”

You walked in the door at ten.

“Hey,” Logan said half heartedly from the couch as you came up the stairs. He didn’t know how late you’d be until you called at nine to tell him that things went well enough that Jean wanted to repeat the experiment to see if it was a fluke.

“Hey.. I’m sorry, I know I said I’d be home sooner. I’ll make it up to you.” You cupped his face and kissed the bridge of his nose. “We could go out this weekend?”

“No, I’m helping Scott fix his bike; and with Scott, that’ll be an all weekend project.”

“Next weekend then. We’ll find time. We always do.” Your tone was very matter-of-fact as you sat down next to him. He put an arm around your shoulders and you nuzzled into his chest as you leaned into him.

“Yeah. I know. I just hate feeling like I never see you anymore. I know you didn’t know that was going to happen but you could have waited to rerun everything on a different night..”

“Yeah.. I guess we’re just too popular” You said, trying to joke about the situation to relieve some of the tension between you. It worked for the time but Logan still didn’t feel good about it. He felt like you just pushed aside his feelings. Just laughing it off to avoid an actual conversation.

The thought brought him back to the present moment. He went back into the office, unsure of exactly how much time had passed since he left. He walked around to his side, sat at his desk and faced you. You looked up from what you were doing but he spoke before you could.

“It feels like we never just spend time together anymore and I want to talk about it.” You push your work aside and turn to face him more directly. He leans forward with his forearms on his desk.

“I only have one section left to read then leaving overall feedback. Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

“No, you always do this. I want to talk about it. I don’t want you to keep pushing me aside. What happened with us? Why do you spend your time everywhere else but with me?!”

“Logan I-”

“No, I know you care about your students but you don’t even look at me anymore.”

“Okay.. A bit of an exaggeration but yeah, I mean that’s the job. Come on, you’re a grown up. I thought you could handle a little less attention than what you’re used to.”

“You can just say it. I’m the least important thing in your life.”

“Oh don’t be dramatic. You’re still impor-”

His hand loudly hit the desk, making you jump.

“Stop doing that! Stop brushing me off!” He sighed and looked away. “Fuck- Ok, I just- Whatever, I’ll be in the kitchen.” He stood up and walked out. You didn’t try to stop him.

You put your face in your hands. You could admit, things had been stressful lately. Things had just been busy. Apparently after five years of being married, you had been putting Logan on the backburner more than you thought. But he had done the same with you hadn’t he? That’s just how it was sometimes. Why was he so upset about it this time? What changed? After a few minutes of letting him cool down, you sighed and got up to follow him to the kitchen. The only light in the open room was the soft glow of the hanging kitchen lights. He was sitting at the table with his hand in his hair. He looked up as you walked in.

“You always push me aside for everything else.” You came to apologize but now that felt more difficult than anything. Something about the way he said it gave you the urge to defend yourself. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was a lack of sleep. Either way, you pushed back.

“You act like I purposefully ignore you-”

“Sometimes, I wonder if you do!”

“Okay don’t put this all on me. We’re both busy. That’s just how it is right now, I don’t know why you have a problem with it all of the sudden.”

“You don’t know?! You don’t know because you never listen to me.”

“Oh I never listen to you?”

“Yes. I listen to you, I-”

“No no no no no. If you listened to me, you’d already know when I’m not going to be home. Because I actually make plans before the night of.”

“This again? I swear you never told me-”

“Whatever- that’s not going to get us anywhere. If you really want to talk, let’s talk about how you can be as busy with your students as you’d like but as soon as I do, then it’s a problem.”

“That’s not true!”

“Sure it is! But you’re a man, you can meet up with whoever you want. You know, I’m a woman so I should just be grateful that you let me have a job at all, right?”

“Why are you making this a sexism thing? When have I ever said anything like that to you?”

“You haven’t, but-”

“Exactly. I haven’t. Because I don’t think like that. Just because that was okay when I was growing up, doesn’t mean I’m like that. You know I’m not like that!”

“I thought so but sometimes, I’m not so sure.”

“And you don’t bring that up? You know you can talk to me- I’m not like you, I’m not just going to keep putting it off so we never talk about something you have a problem with.”

“When the hell have you brought up any of this before tonight?”

“I haven’t had the chance to because anytime there’s even a hint of a problem you just make it into a joke.”

“I didn’t realize I was doing that, maybe if you brought things up when they happened then we wouldn’t need to get to this point!”

“Yeah it’s all my fault, like everything else.”

“Oh, really defending your argument there- I’m so glad we didn’t wait to talk!” You started to pace around the area next to where he stayed seated. Walking between the table where he was and the counter off to his left.

“That is not fair. If we put it off again we would never have this conversation.. And this isn’t just about me ‘not getting attention,’ this is about you. This isn’t good for you. You need to get more sleep.”

“Oh but you’re just fine going without sleep, you’re the mighty Wolverine.”

“That’s not- No! Actually- Fine, you’re right. I am the wolverine, you don’t have the same mutation-”

“Maybe it doesn’t affect you as much, but it sure as hell still affects you. You’re still a human being Logan! I know my limits, you don’t need to hover, telling me to come to bed- It’s just a reminder of how slow I am- And it completely throws me off-”

“Don’t act like I’m not allowed to worry about you-”

“You’re allowed to worry, but that doesn't mean I’ll have any less-”

“Would you stop cutting me off?” He shouted the words through half gritted teeth. You took a step back. Logan never shouted at you, he barely ever raised his voice when you had disagreements. Your eyes flashed to the floor to avoid the intensity of his gaze.

“S-sorry.”

“I just-” He said your name quietly under breath and a hand went up to squeeze the bridge of his nose. “I just want to be how we were. I just want some of your time. I at least want you to pretend like you like me.”

“I do like you.” Your muscles that tense when he shouted had now relaxed and you could hear a nip of attitude in your own voice.

“But you don’t act like it! Not anymore at least. You act like me being in your life is an inconvenience.” His voice was consistently raised now. You let out a small laugh.

“God, you are so dramatic! Please get some sleep, you’re acting like a child who hasn’t had a nap. You’re worse than half the freshman students right now.”

“For fucks sake, would you just listen to what I’m saying for a minute? Actually listen and process what I’m saying. Why can’t you just take me seriously?!”

“Because I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“JUST TALK TO ME”

He stood up and yelled the phrase louder than he meant to. Again, you took a few steps back. His large frame still intimidatingly towered over you.

“That- that’s all I want from you! A real conversation.”

You start walking back to the bedroom. Logan tried to follow you.

“I need some space-” Logan stopped.

“Yeah, go. Keep avoiding me.” You sighed but kept walking into the bedroom. You grabbed your phone, keys, and wallet, putting them into a mostly empty messenger bag that was currently easier to get to than a purse. You threw on a jacket then left your bedroom. You walked past your husband in the kitchen.

“We both need to cool off. I’m going to stay at the school tonight.”

“Fine, go.”

“Good night”

“.. Night.”

Right before heading out the door; keys in one hand, the other on the doorknob. You sigh and turn around then walk back to him. He’s leaning on the kitchen counter, facing away from you.

“Hey,” he turns around.

You hit his chest lightly before grabbing the collar of his shirt and kissing him forcefully. You kept your eyes closed and your face close to his as you spoke.

“You are so frustrating.”

“I know.. Try talking to you.” You sighed quietly.

“..I love you”

“I.. I know.” A little sadder that time. He held onto the counter that was now behind him to keep himself from giving in to you. You kissed him again, much more softly this time.

“Drive safe..” He whispered as you pulled away. You nodded and left.

Hearing the sounds of the garage door open then shut was enough to make him start feeling guilty for not saying ‘I love you’ back. You were fighting, sure, but he did still love you.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

Logan went to bed but he couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned for almost an hour, listening to the soft taps of rain on the window until his phone rang. He answered it without looking, confident that you must be calling to talk or to apologize.

“What? Calling to apologize-” Annoyance dripping from tone.

“Sir, I’m a paramedic. Is this Logan Howlett?” He was caught off guard.

“What? Yes, yes that’s me. Why are you calling?” He sat up, a sense of dread creeping in.

“I’m with your wife right now, your information was in her wallet-”

The paramedic explains that you were in an accident and you’re going to be taken to a nearby hospital. You’re unconscious but they’re working on stabilizing you. He explains that as soon as you get there you’ll be taken to surgery.

“Most likely she’ll be in for a few hours and even when she’s out, it’ll still be a while before the anesthetic wears off. I know you’re freaking out right now but- Listen man, if it were me; I’d take a minute to process everything. Pack a bag: comfortable clothes, a book, crossword puzzles- just things that’ll make her comfortable while she has to stay there to be monitored. It’ll give you a sense of purpose, because you can’t do anything right now anyways, and it keeps you from having to leave her later when she is awake.”

“Yeah. Yeah alright. I’ll do that” They exchanged the remaining information then hung up. As he was doing what the paramedic instructed when he got another call. This was from the police. He was informed that he could come to the scene and retrieve anything valuable from the car before it was towed. It had been moved into a nearby church parking lot for the time being, that’s where he was told to go.

“Do you know what caused the accident? What happened?”

“Yeah, the other guy ran a red light. Didn’t even slow down. Because of the angle of the intersection and how fast he was going, she probably didn’t even see him until after the collision. He’s been arrested already, we’re waiting until he sobers up to ask him more about what happened, he wasn’t very intelligible. We know he was drinking but by the way he’s acting we think he’s on something else too.”

“Jesus..”

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

He pulled into the small parking lot, marked by a sign stating there was an extra church service for Easter that had yet to be taken down. There he saw another truck. It was black and lifted and had more than a few dents that were clearly from screwing around rather than actual work. The front was basically caved in but the damage was minor, especially compared to what your car looked like. It was almost half of the size it used to be, completely crushed in on the drivers side.

“She’s lucky, you know.” Logan looked up, searching for the source of the voice through the pouring rain. A firefighter walks over.

“Usually people don’t survive accidents like this but the collusion happened more towards the back.. You’re family, right?”

“Uh yeah,” He held up his left hand, “Husband.”

“Yeahhh. Don’t worry about her. Her chances are looking good right now.”

“There’s more blood than I thought there would be.” He could smell it when he pulled up but getting this close he could see that it was yours; the other driver hadn’t been injured nearly as bad. He was hating his heightened senses that made it feel like the smell of iron was surrounding him.

“Oh yeah, there was a lot more in the street before the rain washed most of it away.” Logan looked increasingly nervous.

“So you came to get things from the vehicle?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Well there’s a lot of broken glass so if you need me or my colleagues to grab anything, just let us know.”

“No, I’ll be alright. Thanks.”

“No problem. We’ll just be talking with the officers if you change your mind.”

He got closer to your car, or what was left of it. Your keys had been pulled out of the ignition but were sitting on the dashboard. He picked them up and tried to ignore the blood and focus on where you usually leave things.

“Glove box, everybody keeps things in the glove box.” he thought aloud, quietly.

He walked around to the passengers side. Upon opening the door he saw your bag on the floor, sitting upright. Your phone and wallet were still inside although your ID and emergency sheet were separate. He assumed the first responders had opened your wallet to find such information. Logan picked up the bag and opened the glove box. He took everything out, placing it into the bag. Lucky for him, you didn’t keep much in your car. He took down the stuffed animal you kept on your dashboard and grabbed your blanket from the trunk. He threw the few other things you kept in your car into your bag then went to his own vehicle. An officer stopped him to talk to him about more details but his mind was only on you. None of the other details mattered if you weren’t okay.

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The drive to the hospital was silent. His thoughts were distracting enough. Logan felt like the drive was twice as long as it should have been. It felt like he was holding his breath the whole drive. He spoke quietly, trying to comfort himself.

“She’s going to be okay. She is tough. Fuck, of course she’s tough, look at who she married. Look at who she agreed to put up with..” His fists tightened around the steering wheel.

He pulled into the hospital’s visitors parking lot. He tried to steady his breathing before grabbing the backpack the paramedic recommended packing and heading inside. He didn’t even remember talking to the receptionist who told him which floor to go to for the right waiting room. But here he sat. Bouncing his leg anxiously. Waiting for you to get out of surgery. It was longer than he thought it’d take but eventually, a nurse came to talk to him.

You were out of surgery but you would still remain asleep, they were putting you in a medically-induced coma. There was too much trauma to the brain and this was the best option. They said you wouldn’t be under for longer than a week and offered to call him before waking you up but he insisted on staying by your side. The staff was admittedly concerned for him, he almost never slept. He just sat beside you. Waiting.

After almost four days, the tests suggested that they could stop the drugs inducing the coma. Your levels and brain activity showed that it was safe to do so. They warned him there would be side-effects from it and temporary memory loss was a possibility. Among other things. What they didn’t prepare him for was the time between stopping the drugs and you waking up. For some patients it was almost instantly. For you it was several hours.

The moment they stopped your IV drip to the moment you were conscious again, he didn’t let go of your hand. After the first hour he had resorted to quietly begging you to wake up, asking you not to leave him like this. As you woke up, that’s what you heard.

“-and I won’t complain about your stupidly long hours. Please. I’m sorry. Please wake up.” He called you a nickname you hadn’t heard before. Or at least one you didn’t remember. “Please- I know I’m dumb, I need you to wake up. I need you to know how sorry I am. And- and I never should have let you leave the house without telling you how much I loved you. I was upset and I wasn’t thinking. Please. I’m so sorry.”

As you woke up, your eyes fluttered open and you tried to get familiar with your surroundings. When you made a noise and moved your hand, Logan looked up at you in surprise. He jumped up from where he sat to gently hug you and tell you how much he loved you. He pressed the button for the nurse, as he had been instructed to. From there, he found out about your memory. You found out about the accident. You were both disappointed and a little scared. Logan has an overwhelming sense of guilt about what happened and you don’t even know what happened or if he played a role in it. In an ironic twist, he'd finally get to spend more time with you. Just not in a way he ever would have wanted.

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Second author's note: sorry if the argument isn't great, uhh definitely looking for feedback for improvement there. I was trying to make it both characters fault but idk. Also first attempt at a mood board for the fic. Idk if I like it, I may take it down, we'll see.

Okay it's been revised. I think it is a significant improvement but it's still no where near perfect. Stayed up until 6am making revisions because apparently, I'm allergic to sleep! And also joy as jt seems! But no rest for the wicked I guess: I have my immunology final project due in 8 hours and it is been severely neglected. Anyways thanks for your time... again I guess for some of you.

Taglist: @kemi707 @klwrites @fluff-lover @a-leg-without-fear @aoi-targaryen @vofriviasblog @jupiter-sky @crypt1dcat @karencaribou

#logan howlett x reader #logan howlett #logan howlett angst #x men #professor logan #logan howlett x professor reader #not my best work #but I plan on revising at a later time #update: I did revise it and I like it more #still a little eh if I'm being honest but I don't know if that's the two hours of sleep talking or actually criticism #idk I can't be worrying about such things #I have immunology to do #which is another writing assignment #so I'm actually more in my element here #well it's also immunology which is my bread and butter #kicking my feet thinking about antigens interacting with WBCs #I've lost it officially

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sweaterrat · 1 year ago

Text

Portals Plus ✦ PROMISE

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Silence drifted around the resistance camp like a noiseless fog, thick with tension and grief. Winter was nearing which only made it worse for everyone. Winter in the apocalypse was frigid and unforgiving, especially way up north where they were. Right now, everyone was getting a preview of the harsh storms to come.

Being underground helped a little bit. It was warmer here and much safer versus the freezing, kraang-ridden world on the outside. Niyah sighed as she felt herself sink into the well worn out couch she laid on. Her eyes glazed over the half of dozens of kids on a mat, all huddled together under a thick blanket. Niyah had the privilege to look after these bundles of energy while their parents were out fighting a losing battle against the kraang.

Niyah’s expression fell into a meager frown as she watched over the children. Her heart broke for the children who no longer had parents. Their parents had passed while fighting the war. They were all far too young to be forced to go through something like this.

A sigh heaved from Niyah’s lungs; the kids weren’t the only ones who lost loved ones. It’s been a few days since Raph passed away. It’s been affecting everyone, even the kids! But of course, It hurt his brothers the most. Leo has been MIA, spirits know where the hell he’s been, and Kat had to step up as leader for a while (being his second in command, it was kind of her job to do so). Mikey was helping Kat take care of everything and everyone but there was an obvious lack of energy in his step. He wasn’t as bubbly as he was but he hid it well. And then there was Donnie. He had been shut up in his lab for the better half of a week.

The door to his lab was always locked and rarely opened. Niyah has never seen it open but sometimes she leaves food out for him and when she comes back, the whole plate is gone. She suspects that Donnie opens the door to take it but then again, anything could’ve taken it. She worried if Donnie had been eating at all. She had begged him to come out or at least let her come in, but she was always met with silence.

She couldn’t blame him— he was grieving just like the rest of them. Niyah only wished that she could see him and help him. He didn’t always have to do things alone (and frankly, she was feeling a bit lonely without seeing him).

With a small groan, Niyah sat up and stretched, finally getting off the couch and started walking to the food court. It was about time Donnie should eat.

As she entered the cafeteria, she was greeted by Baron Draxum. When Draxum wasn’t a warring warrior scientist, he was (once again) just the lunch lady. With the help of Daxum’s leftover mutagen, he could mutate fruits and vegetables into way bigger versions of themselves, helping to feed the hundreds of people who joined the resistance. Thank the stars, the food was still edible and Mikey sometimes helped out in the kitchen (Donnie was tasked with growing all the mutated crops because of his not-so-secret love for botany). Things were looking pretty good food wise.

“Greetings, human. Finally coming to eat?” Draxum was behind a counter, already preparing a plate of tonight’s dinner. It was baked potatoes!

“Hey, Drax,” Niyah greeted. “Nah, I’m just getting Donnie his fill.” She feigned a smile as she leaned against the counter Draxum was at.

The other slightly frowned. “You have to eat too, you know.” He grumbled, placing baked potatoes on a plastic plate.

“I know, I know. Not hungry, though, I’ll be fine.” Niyah halfheartedly chuckled, “It’s not like I do much around here anyways. Everyone else is fighting for a meal and I’m just… doing nothing.” Her eyes were downcast, feeling guilt twinge in her soul. She could’ve been doing so much more than babysitting, she thought. Don’t get her wrong, she loved hanging out with the kiddos, but she could be doing things actually useful.

“Don’t act as if you don’t help around a lot. You do so much more than you realize.” He reassured while handing her two plates of baked potatoes.

“Draxum,” She sighed, “I said I’m not—”

“I know what you said, I’m not deaf.” He grunted, going to the back to do whatever he was doing. “Now, go eat.”

Draxum may seem big and scary, but deep deep deep down, he’s a pretty great guy. Niyah smiled a little while rolling her eyes. “Alright, alright. Thanks, Drax.”

He only hummed in response, “Just make sure that boy takes care of himself too. You know how he can be when he gets upset. Losing someone you care about is not easy.” Niyah’s smile dropped and she nodded almost robotically.

“I’m off,” she said, waving goodbye to him. He returned the wave halfheartedly and went back to cleaning up.

Niyah treaded down the quiet halls. Most people would be asleep right now after dinner. It was pretty late out anyway (she thinks. It’s hard to tell time underground), but Donnie would definitely be awake. He always was for the past few times she’s brought him food.

Niyah approached the door to Donnie’s lab, slightly hesitating before giving it a knock. “Hey Don, I got you food.” She spoke somewhat hopefully, but, like usual, he didn’t respond. She sighed, “Can you knock to let me know you’re here?”

A moment or two later, Niyah heard shuffling on the other side of the door. First, the screech of a chair against the floor, something beeping then shutting off, soft footsteps… two soft knocks sounded from the inside. Niyah smiled, he’s here.

“I’m gonna leave it out here, okay? In the front.” She placed one of the plates of baked potatoes in front of the door. Usually, she’d leave after dropping his food off, but something told her to stay.

A minute later, the lab door creaked open just a smidge. Niyah’s eyes instantly darted to the opened part of the doorway, freezing in place when she made eye contact with…

“Donnie.” She sucked in a breath, staring at nothing but his eye (the other was hidden by the door). He looked just as shocked to see her. For a second, they just stood there, staring, but Donnie snapped out of it and snatched the plate of food.

Niyah flinched at the sudden movement but blinked and shouted “Wait!” But she was too late. The door quickly shut, leaving her stunned. She tried putting an ear to the door to hear something— anything, but it was silent. Niyah frowned and let out a heavy sigh. She’s not gonna lie, she’s missed Donnie a lot. He started sleeping in the lab (if he’s even been sleeping at all) rather than the usual room they shared. It was harder to fall asleep without him there and it was a lot colder as well.

She didn’t want to be a bother to Donnie, but damn, did she miss him. She missed their ‘Good morning’s and their ‘Good night’s, she missed sharing meals together or just being in each other's company, she missed how he’d call her stunning and how she’d get to call him beautiful every day. She missed their hugs and their kisses, she missed their cuddling when it got cold and her dragging him to bed when he was so obviously tired.

Damn, did she miss him. Niyah wondered if that was what Donnie was feeling about Raph— missing everything they did together.

She sighed, pressing her back against the door and sliding to the floor. Sure, it’s only been four days, but it felt like it’d been four years. Donnie was a big part of her daily routine and most of her day involved him. But now that he wasn’t here, her day was suddenly empty. Niyah squeezed her eyes shut at the familiar stinging in her nose. She cried way too easily.

It was a silent cry, something rare for her. Maybe she just didn’t want to be heard or she was embarrassed for crying like this in front of a door that she couldn’t open. She still did that annoying hiccup-gasp-sob-thing that she hated doing. All she could really do was scream internally into a noiseless void where no one else but she could hear.

She tried to tell herself that she was acting like a child. Everyone else was going through something much worse than her and here she was crying on the floor. With that thought, she quickly wiped her tears away.

‘Stop crying, damn it,’ Niyah repeated in her head until her body obeyed. She took some deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself and wiped the already drying tears from her eyes. She just sat there with that extra plate of baked potatoes in her hands, deciding that she might as well eat them so they wouldn’t go to waste (even though she wasn’t hungry).

This was the closest she’d get to eating next to Donnie again, so she enjoyed what little she had. Pressing her back impossibly closer to the door, Niyah pretended (hoped) that Donnie was just on the other side doing the same.

Niyah perked up at the soft shuffling on the other side of the door. It was closer than she had thought. Like earlier, two soft knocks sounded from inside. He wanted to know if she was there. Niyah nearly cried again. She debated whether she’d knock or not (what if she didn’t knock and he’d open the door again?) but she decided to be honest and gave two soft knocks back.

She smiled. At least he was here.

Suddenly the door creaked open— Niyah nearly fell back, but she caught herself last minute.

“Donnie…?” she called, but was once again met with silence. Cautiously, she stood up, leaving the empty plate of potatoes on the floor (for someone so un-hungry, she sure did tear up that plate). She put her fingertips to the door, unsure of whether to enter or not, but she took a deep breath, pushed it open and quickly closed it behind her.

It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting. Her eyes surveyed the dark room, spotting messy piles of blueprints and books littered around. A jungle of scrap metal was scattered across the room. She noticed the walls had scratch marks and cracks that definitely weren’t there before. In the corner of the room, she spotted an empty plate of baked potatoes. Well, at least he ate.

Niyah’s eyes landed on a disheveled Donatello who was sitting at his desk. He didn’t acknowledge her but he definitely knew she was there.

“Donnie?” Niyah echoed, taking a few slow steps forward, unsure if she should be close to him or give him space. Donnie blinked tiredly and turned his head to her, his eyes flitting across her face. All the staring was making Niyah a bit flustered.

When he saw her fidgeting, he smiled and signed a slow ‘Hey.’

Niyah smiled widely. He was talking to her (well, signing, but she’ll take what she can get)! “Hey,” she copied and walked closer to sit in the chair next to him. “Are you doing okay?” She asked, subconsciously signing the words she was saying.

His little smile faded. He hesitated, lifting his hands like he was going to sign, but he never did. He only sighed through his nose and placed his hands on the desk again. Niyah stared at him, head tilted and brows drawn together in worry. Instinctively, her hand moved to hover over his. “May I?”

He looked over to her, his gaze flickering between her hand and her eyes. Eventually, he nodded bashfully.

Niyah let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and let her hand rest on top of his. Donnie’s hand was cold, it always was, but not like the harsh cold of winter. It was a refreshing kind of cold and it almost felt nostalgic to Niyah. She let the warmth of her hand seep into his as she watched him relax with a soft sigh. Slowly, he turned over his hand and let her palm touch his. They were calloused and firm, good for holding.

Niyah couldn’t help but feel giddy at the feeling. She was always giddy when it came to Donnie, no matter how long they’d been together. Everything they did felt like it was the first time again, from cuddling to kissing to holding hands. That spark was always there and Niyah admired it. A nervous smile made its way onto her face and the breathy laugh she let out caught Donnie’s attention.

He smiled warmly at her (spirits above, his smile was so beautiful) and moved his hand up her arm, to her shoulder, and finally let it rest on her cheek. Niyah leaned into his touch like she always did. She was so, so happy to see him again.

“I missed you,” she whispered, her eyes falling closed as Donnie cradled her face and let his thumb glide over her cheek softly. He exhaled and brushed a loc behind her ear affectionately as if he was saying ‘I know’.

“Why haven’t you talked to me all this time?” She suddenly asked. She felt Donnie’s fingers twitch anxiously. She opened her eyes to look up at him, a desperate tone in her voice, “Why are you trying to go through this alone?”

Donnie stayed silent, his eyes darting to the floor to avoid her persistent gaze. With a sigh, she whispered, “You’re not the only one who lost Raph, y’know.” This made him flinch and look up again. “We all did. We’re all sad and grieving, Donnie. Of course, not as heavily as you are, but you can’t just— you can’t push everyone away.”

She searched his light brown eyes desperately, feeling the sting in her nose again, but she ignored it. “Mikey and Leo need their brother right now. And I need my…” she trailed off. She had nearly called Donnie her husband even though they weren’t married. But it felt wrong to call him her boyfriend— they were so much more than just that. They practically were married but the title never stood anywhere. Niyah internally shook her head— why did that matter right now?!

“I-I need you too,” she stammered out, not knowing what else to say. Donnie just sat unmoving. Niyah searched his eyes for something— anything! Niyah had become better at reading Donnie’s expressions over the years. It was difficult at first (and sometimes it still is) but she caught onto all his tics and habits that determined his mood. Right now, however, Donnie was blank. He just slowly (and almost reluctantly) let his hand fall from her face. He no longer looked at her. Niyah nearly cried at that.

“Can you please say something? Or sign?” She pleaded but Donnie never responded or even looked her in the eye. She just wanted to help him in any way she could— it was what she was good at! Helping people was her thing! So why couldn’t she do it now? For a moment, she wondered if her being here wasn’t helping at all.

“Donnie,” she sighed, cupping his face with her left hand which made him let out a shaky breath and look up at her. “I’m here. And I’ll always be here when you need me. I love you and I want to help you, so please, just let me.” She pondered for a second and pulled her hand away, “Unless you want me to go?”

A look of alarm flashed in his eyes and he quickly grabbed her hands. “Stay,” he said hoarsely, his voice barely above a whisper. Niyah’s eyes widened a bit at his voice— hell, even Donnie looked surprised. He sounded like he was in pain, she knew he was, and it hurt seeing him like this. “Please?”

Well, she couldn’t say no to that. “Okay,” she whispered back. Donnie held her hands firmly as if she’d run away if he didn’t hold her tight enough. Swiftly, he pulled her into a hug.

Donnie initiating things like this wasn’t rare but it was uncommon even though they’d been together for years now. Hugging in this position was a bit awkward while they were both sitting down. Donnie acknowledged this and effortlessly picked Niyah up and placed her down on his lap where he could hug her tighter.

Niyah giggled as he nestled into the crook of her neck (he knew that it was ticklish to her). His arms were wrapped around her waist comfortably and he felt like putty in her hold; completely and utterly vulnerable.

She petted his head soothingly, trying her best to comfort him. “You’re okay, Don. You’re gonna be okay,” she muttered to him. He stayed like that for a long time, taking long inhales and quivering exhales. Niyah couldn’t even imagine what he was going through. She’s only known Raph for a few years, but Donnie’s known him all his life. Sure, Niyah has lost family members before, but she was never close to her family like that. She couldn’t even begin to comfort him because she’d never been in a situation like that before.

Niyah then wondered what it’d be like if she had lost her own brother who was safe in her original universe. She wondered if her brother was feeling like how Donnie was feeling, like he had suddenly lost a sibling. God, it’s been years since she last saw her family.

“There’s just… so much going on.” Donnie let out a shaky breath. It sounded like he desperately needed to cry. He held her tightly, refusing to let go as if she’d vanish if he did.

“I know, love, I know.” Niyah continued to snuggle into him. His breathing was heavy and ragged, he sounded strained like he was holding something back. Niyah frowned.

“You can cry if you need to, Donnie. It’s okay.”

And with that, he finally let all his walls down. He sobbed in her hold, hugging her tighter and tighter. It was a little hard to breathe, but that was okay. Niyah’s heart broke at the sound of his sobs. At times like these, she honestly didn’t know what to do.

Donnie doesn’t cry often (at least not in front of her) so when he did cry, it was devastating to her. He was usually a silent crier, just letting tears roll down his face while keeping his expression fairly neutral, so seeing him sob like this hit so much harder. Niyah pressed a small kiss to the side of his head, whispering over and over “It’s okay.”

When Donnie calmed down a bit, Niyah pulled away from the hug, but just enough to see him. She held his face in her hands and finally got a good look at him. His caramel eyes were glossy with tears. With her thumbs, Niyah hooked the bottom of his mask and gently lifted it up and off his face, revealing his beautiful, purple markings and his tired eyes. She wiped under his eyes as if to wipe the dark circles away.

“I miss him.” His eyes flashed with an emotion so deep that even Niyah couldn’t understand what it was. It looked like he was whirling around in a sea of depression and grief so deep that he was drowning in it. His eyes were filled with so much pain, it almost made Niyah cry too.

“I know you do. I miss him too.”

He closed his eyes and sighed as he leaned into her touch. “I… I’m scared,” He mumbled, voice wavering. Niyah’s eyes softened.

“About?”

He hesitantly opened his mouth to speak, “Who’s going to be next? Mikey? Leo? You?” Niyah couldn’t possibly generate a response to that, so he kept going.

“What if I get too close to someone, and— and then they die? What if you…” He trailed off, the tears in his eyes returning but not falling.

“No one lives forever,” She said honestly. “And yeah, someday I will die.” Donnie flinched at her words, but it was the truth.

“But living life is about making connections— memories with people you never thought you’d meet! Would you rather you’d never met Raph, wishing that you got to know him when you had the chance, or would you rather be happy that you got to know him and you have these good memories of him so he could live on in your mind?”

Donnie fell silent, mouth agape as if to say something, but that something never came. He just exhaled loudly and rested his head on her shoulder. “I don’t want anyone else to die,” he muttered in her ear.

Niyah’s hand made laps running from the top of his head to the base of his neck. “I’m afraid you can’t control that, Don,” she whispered back.

“I know I can’t,” he growled, gripping his hands at the bottom of Niyah’s jacket. He let out a breath and his grip relaxed. “I just… I don’t know what I’d do if you died.”

Niyah’s heart sank at that. Her hand paused in her soothing rubs for just a moment, before stuttering and starting up again.

“I won’t,” she said sternly (not realizing how stupid that sounded; she wasn’t immortal).

Donnie all but scoffed, “You can’t possibly promise something like that.”

“Maybe not.” She trailed, “But,” pulling away from Donnie just so he’d look at her again. With one of her hands, she cradled his face. His beautiful brown eyes looked up at her and she had nearly gotten lost in them.

“For as long as I live, I will always be there for you. Every step, every breath. That I can promise.” Her voice was filled with so much confidence and yet it was soft; reassuring.

Donnie seemingly searched her eyes for any sign of deceit but in the end, found nothing but truth. She meant to keep this promise.

He exhaled, letting his expression soften. “Okay,” he mumbled. “Same for me.”

Niyah only smiled, glazing over his features again. “Have you slept at all?” She asked suddenly. Donnie blinked and shook his head, seemingly ashamed. Niyah sighed gently, “Donnie…”

He darted his gaze to the floor and started fidgeting with the hem of her jacket. He looked so drained; so tired.

“Wanna take a nap?” She suggested, making Donnie perk up a bit. Shyly, he nodded again and Niyah smiled. She carefully climbed off him and held out her hand. He took it in an instant and she led him up and out of the lab.

Donnie closed the door behind them before they continued their trek to their room. On the way, Niyah had spotted Draxum walking past. He raised his eyebrows at the sight of Donnie, smiling slightly and Niyah sent him a wide smile back with a small thumbs up.

When they had finally reached their quarters, no one spoke. They didn’t need words anyway.

Niyah set Donnie’s mask down on a small nightstand and put her various other things away while Donnie mindlessly followed her around like a sleepy duckling. She turned to her lover and helped him remove his battle shell (that's been on for god knows how long), exposing his soft shell to the elements.

A small shiver ran up Donnie’s spine in the absence of his armor, but he didn’t feel one bit panicked or anxious. He felt safe. Niyah treated him so softly, she was impossibly gentle with him and it was so… different. Living with 3 other brothers, gentle was almost nowhere in their vocabulary. Donnie didn’t like the idea of being treated like glass, but Niyah never made him feel like that. She made him feel like he was precious, not fragile; knowing his strength but still taking the time to treat him softly. This was something new and sure it’s been years now but it still amazed him.

God, he loves her.

“I love you,” he whispered as she put his mechanical shell away to the side. She nearly flinched at how random it was, but she smiled all the same.

“I love you too.”

And with that, they both settled into bed (it was much warmer with Donnie here even if he was cold-blooded) and Donnie nestled in the base of her neck. Niyah traced gentle patterns of stars and hearts on his shell, letting him relax into sleep. She whispered sweet nothings to him, kissing his forehead and listening to his soft churring. He was out like a light.

Niyah pulled him closer once she heard his calm breathing and small snores. She felt so protective over him seeing him like this. She wanted nothing more than for him to be okay because he deserved to feel safe and happy. Niyah swore she was going to do everything in her power to make sure he was okay.

That was her promise.

Matching Donnie’s breathing pattern with her own, Niyah was soon washed over with a wave of fatigue. Finally, she closed her eyes and succumbed to sleep.

════════⊹⊱≼ ✦ ✧ ≽⊰⊹════════

WOOOO YAYAYYA I FINALLY FINISHED THIS WUAGHDSAJL oh my goodness. This was a nice little hurt/comfort fic to write :] I hoped yall enjoyed this! Don’t be a silent reader! I love comments so much it makes me so happy ^^ Love you all!! Have a great day <3 🍋

Big thanks to my beta readers @yourlocalartsonist @yosajaeofficial and @oleander-nin !!! 💛💕💛💕💛💕

✦ Master List

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ladykissingfish · 9 months ago

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*in the Akatsuki kitchen*

Sasori, standing next to Deidara at the counter: Okay, now, measure a cup and a half of the flour and pour it into the bowl.

Deidara: Danna … tell me again why we’re doing this? I mean, it’s MY birthday, right? Couldn’t you and Konan have made me this and surprised me, instead of you having me help make my own cake?

Sasori: I could have, yes, but then it wouldn’t mean as much.

Deidara: Eh?

Sasori: *takes the bowl from Deidara and starts stirring the ingredients together* When I was a boy, every year on my birthday, I’d help my mother make my cake. Neither of us were very good bakers, and what we created usually turned out more messy than good, but … it was the time together that mattered, you know? The laughing and the flour in our hair and licking the icing from the bowl.

Sasori, setting the bowl down and readying the cake pan: When mother and father died, so did any celebration of my birthday. And mind you, even as a full organic human, I was never much a fan of sweets. But I still missed the ritual, and the time we had. So I always vowed that if and when I ever had a family of my own, I’d carry on the tradition.

Deidara, quietly putting the cake pan in the oven: So … you’re saying you consider me … family?

Sasori: *lifts Deidara to the counter, sitting him in front of where Sasori is standing* I think you’re my soulmate, Dei. The one created in the stars for me. A gift, maybe, sent from my parents in heaven. But words are just words, aren’t they, until solid action is taken. So …

Sasori: *pulls a small velvet box from his pocket and opens it, revealing a sleek gold ring studded with diamonds and a single large emerald*

Sasori: I love you more than I could possibly tell you. Will you give me the honor of becoming my husband?

Deidara:

Deidara: *starts to cry* S-seriously? You mean it?

Sasori: I mean it. I want you now, I want you tomorrow, I want you forever. Please?

Deidara: *puts his arms around Sasori’s shoulders and hugs him tightly* Y-yes! Of course I’ll marry you, hm!

*the two share a kiss, and Sasori slides Deidara’s new ring onto his finger*

Sasori: You know … *gestures to the oven* We could easily make this cake a wedding cake if you wanted to get Nagato to marry us tonight …

Deidara: *laughs* Nice try, Sasori, but our wedding is going to be a week-long celebration and extravagant affair, hm!

Sasori: … It is?

Deidara: Of course! Fireworks, me exploding a different village every night leading up to the big day, a huge feast, oh and I need Konan’s help because I want us both to wear matching robes with real crystals sewn into the cloth.

Deidara: *jumps down from the counter* This is going to be so much fun! I’m gonna go talk to Konan now; watch that cake, will you? *runs out*

Sasori:

Sasori: *slowly pulls his wallet from his pocket and opens it to reveal just a few small bills*

Kakuzu, from the other room: And after you spent so much on his ring? Tsk. My deepest condolences and prayers are with you, Puppet.

Sasori:

#sasodei #sasori x deidara #sasori #deidara #naruto #the akatsuki #kakuzu #HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEIDARA!!!#my short king #RIP Sasori’s pocketbook

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mikhailwrites · 1 year ago

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Something to look forward to / Ghost x Soap

Kinktober #15 - Massage (from the SFW prompt list)

Soap groans again, rubbing at the sore spot on his shoulder. Again. Ghost has had just enough. Standing up from his chair, he scoops the stack of half-filled forms. “MacTavish, on me,” Ghost barks out, causing several other people in the room to flinch. “I’m sorry, Ghost, I’ll shut up…,” Soap apologises, looking a bit sheepish. “That was an order, Sergeant,” Ghost says, voice hard and cold.

Soap stands up immediately and, with a defeated “yes, sir,” proceeds to trail after his Lieutenant. He knows he was being a nuisance this evening, but he just couldn’t help himself. Soap has trouble keeping still and quiet for a prolonged period of time, even when his back doesn’t hurt like hell.

Ghost leads him through the corridors brusquely, never once slowing down or checking if Soap’s still behind him. Not that he needs to check, Soap is only ever being obstinate and insubordinate under very specific circumstances.

To Johnny’s surprise, Ghost leads them to his room. “Lose the top and get on the bed,” he instructs with the same level of casual efficiency as if he were ordering Soap to breach the door or throw in a frag. Soap stands there, visibly confused. “Christ, Johnny, do as I say, or I’m gonna put you on the kitchen duty for the next week.”

That snaps him back to reality. Soap takes his tee off, removes his shoes and lays on Simon’s bed. It’s not the first time he’s in here, and this time, he wears far more clothes, too, yet Ghost seems to have something else planned for them tonight.

Soap startles a little as he feels Ghost’s solid weight on his arse but relaxes immediately. Something cool and liquid is being poured on his back, and soon enough, Ghost’s hands start to knead at Johnny’s tense muscles. Soap gasps and moans with appreciation. He hears Simon chuckle as he continues.

Even after all the time, Soap is still impressed by Ghost’s level of control over his immense strength. Right now, that same strength is being carefully employed to make Soap feel better. Well, maybe not so carefully. Ghost digs into a hard knot, forcing a pained yelp out of his Sergeant. Simon only hums in response before doing it again.

“Fuck, that hurts,” Soap says through gritted teeth, clutching the sheets in the hopes it will somehow help.

Ghost doesn’t relent, only slightly changing the angle as he digs his fingers deep between Soap’s shoulder blades. “How did you even manage this?” Ghost asks, using his knuckles now to force the knot loose.

“No… ah… idea,” Soap lies, unwilling to mention the numerous cases of him being unable to sit like a regular human being. Having his feet up on the desk was the closest to a proper sitting position he could manage. More often than not, he’d end up having his work laptop on his lap, staring down at it until his neck muscles screamed for a reprieve.

“You’re a bad liar, Johnny,” Simon notes. He finally manages to dissolve the knot but almost immediately finds another one right in the junction between the neck and the shoulder. He’s a bit gentler now, simply applying steady, rolling pressure, listening to Johnny’s gasps and whimpers.

Simon would be lying if he said he doesn’t find it a bit erotic. However, he’s got way too much work to catch up to, and Johnny seems mere minutes away from passing out from the mixture of exhaustion and relief. “Do you want to stay the night?” Ghost asks as casually as he can. Morning shag honestly doesn’t sound half bad.

“Aye…,” Johnny mutters into the linens. Ghost obliterates another two hard knots and, failing to find any more, turns to just gently press the heels of his palms across the planes of his back, methodically going from shoulders to the small of his back and up again.

A few minutes later, he stands up, sparing a moment to look at Johnny’s broad back, glistening with lotion. It takes a lot to rein himself in. The prospect of going down on Johnny, taking his trousers and briefs off and using the same lotion to gently finger him open before fucking him at a maddeningly slow pace is infinitely more appealing than the stash of printed-out forms he needs to hand over tomorrow morning.

Thankfully, Soap makes it somewhat easier since he’s already fallen asleep, sprawled on Ghost’s bed. Simon sighs, sitting at his desk to finish his work. However, he takes his phone first and sets the alarm an hour earlier than usual. Now he has something to look forward to.

#call of duty #ghost mw2 #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #ghost x soap #ghostsoap #soap mw2 #soapghost #ghoap #kinktober 2023 #kinktober

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seedofjoseph · 1 year ago

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hellbent (WIP)

Author's Note: After posting homebound (link), I immediately began working on a ficlet featuring the overprotective love interest trope starring John Seed. However, I've only picked it up again this week, so I'm posting this early on WIP Wednesday.

The whole of Holland Valley knew John Seed as a madman. You? All you knew was that he was mad. Wrath he called you, though it sounded like it suited him better. Especially during his last radio call.

“Wrath,” he screamed through the static. “Godammit, Wrath! Where are you?”

“Language, Seed,” you shot back, not being able to see if you’ve hit your target, but hearing the words had wounded him instead. “Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.”

“I’ll find you, girl,” his words were muffled, his mouth probably planted close enough to kiss the microphone. “Even if I have to burn down every dive bar and liquor store in this valley to draw you out, I’ll find you.”

“Thought you let me break curfew so that I could go bar hopping,” you smirked. And, while he couldn’t have seen you do so, he sure as shit heard it in your tone. “I thought you let me out so that I could indulge in my sins.”

“I did and you have,” he answered, the coolness of it making him out to be as inhuman as the receiver his voice was coming out of. “And now I’m coming to save you from yourself.” Before you could press the button to press his buttons, John Seed went completely cold as the receiver went silent.

Feeling only a little bit frustrated by his lack of fire on this chilly night, you finally dismount your bike and let it recline on the stand instead of your legs. After, you unfasten your leather jacket on your short walk to the rest stop entrance, feeling only a little bit heated. Then, taking in the neon-lit shelves and the yellow-stained floors, you cool off with the thought of a cold Coke.

The truth is that you didn’t set out to indulge in anything else besides caffeine tonight. And the lie is that you bask in the fire your wrath left in its wake. That is the lie you fed to John Seed through your shared frequency, the target you put on your back as you drove away from Holland Valley, from everyone you wouldn’t want to be in his crosshairs. And the truth was that businesses that you were a patron of were going up in flames.

So you sigh in sweet relief as the taste of the sugary drink elevated some weight off of your heavy shoulders. “Needed that,” you paid for the half-emptied bottled as soon as you made it to the counter. “Keep the change.” And you exit before the kid on the other side of it can lift his head and recognize you.

All you knew was that John Seed was mad and you wouldn’t bet a poor boy’s life on him not blowing a gasket along with the rest stop.

“That you, Deputy?”

The door slammed loudly behind you, but it’s a shouting human voice that startled you.

You shake your head frantically and walk back to your bike briskly. “Not tonight I’m not.”

The man is indignant and you can tell from the sound that comes out of his throat. Because you weren’t facing him. You couldn’t face him. Not after what happened the last time you did.

“It’s me,” you hear him hop out of the pick-up and bounce back on his boots like he’d lost his footing. “It’s Jean. But you called me Jaaawn,” he slurs like he’d forgotten how you speak. “Yes, Jaaawn. Fuck yes,” he spits your own drunken words back to you.

It’s like he’s getting the both of you shitfaced again. It’s like he’s in your face and up your shirt and in your pants again. Like you never shoved him off of you and locked him in the bathroom stall. Like the bar is still up and running and not in ruins after some Peggie recognised you stumbling out of it and gave John Seed the excuse to indulge in his wrath.

“I’d buy you a drink, buuut,” he stumbles between you and your bike. “But John made them all go BOOM.”

Jean didn’t look much like John Seed tonight, so that drink he’d bought you was strong enough to make him shape-shift before your very inebriated eyes. Though he stands at the same height and combs back the same dark hair with fingers covered in just as much ink, his eyes are more murky green than clear blue. And though he stands before you untouched by the collateral damage your indulgence has caused, you don’t hesitate to lay your hands on him and shove him to the side.

“I’m going sober,” you decline, determined to quit drinking Coke, too, and drive off.

“Least you could do is moan my name,” he spits. “My real name. While I'm fingerin’ your pussy. That was me, bitch, not John fuckin’ Seed.”

The whole of Holland Valley knew John Seed had eyes and ears everywhere. All you knew was that Jean’s slurred speech had summoned him and the empty rest stop you’d pulled into is now crawling by his cavalry.

“Oh, my God,” Jean tries and fails to find his footing and stumbles backwards into your bike. “Oh, my fuckin’ God,” he turns around and takes you in, eyes filled with fear. “Don’t let him kill me, deputy. Please don’t let him kill me.”

Your voice is steady as you instruct him to get inside, even as your heart is rattling the cage that is your chest. And your body shields the entrance, even if your soul threatens to make its escape. But you won’t let it or yourself get away. And you won’t leave another trail of fire in your wake.

“Wrath,” he calls you, but this sin burns brighter in his words than they ever did in yours. And he hops out of the van in a hurry, already heaving like he’d been chasing you on foot through the Valley. “How many more lives have to go up in flames before you’re satiated?”

“None,” you raise your hands in front of you, adding more distance between the Reaper and the two lives. “Not a single one. I’m done.” Then, you stretch your arms above your head. “I’m done, okay?”

You were far from done, far from having your eyelids ripped open, the furthest you can be from amazing grace. And his big brother would’ve called you blind still, but you needed him to see you as enlightened right now.

What your blind eyes do see is something strange in John Seeds eyes, something which resembled a comforting warmth and not a punishing fire.

“It’s suffocating, isn’t it?” His voice is horse like he’s been shouting, and your throat dries like he is right. You are suffocating. “Your wrath has set the world on fire and you’re the only one left to breathe in the ashes.”

The little air left between the two of you is enough for you to exhale: “Yes.”

TO BE CONTINUED

#far cry 5 #john seed #john seed x deputy #john seed x reader #john seed x female deputy #deputy rook #the deputy #WIP #fanfic #my fanfic

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fanficshiddles · 11 months ago

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The Redbridge Hunts, Chapter 33

Just under a few weeks later, Chris had organised some interviews for potential teachers, to take over Jeremy’s role. Lucius was involved in the process, too. As well as Loki.

They held it one evening, on Wednesday after school hours. Loki came back in to the school with Bat on his shoulder.

‘Why have you brought Bat?’ Lucius asked with a chuckle as he happily greeted the cat.

‘She’s been alone all day, I didn’t want to leave her alone all evening either. Since Claire is away visiting her sister tonight, I just thought I’d bring her here.’ Loki smiled.

‘BAT!’ Jessica squealed from down the corridor and began running to see her.

Bat leapt away from Lucius and jumped into Jessica’s arms.

Jessica had been working late, marking some practice tests they’d held during school time. So was a few of the other teachers.

‘I’ll keep her company if you want while you guys do the interviews.’ Jessica offered.

‘Are you sure? Was you not about to head home?’ Loki asked.

‘There are still some tests to mark, I was just stretching my legs. Once I’m finished, I’ll put her with Severus if he’s still here.’ Jessica said and then headed off back to her classroom with Bat, without waiting for an answer from Loki, making him chuckle.

‘Chris has the forms for the potential candidates in his office. We’ve got half an hour before they arrive. He already has his eye on the only vampire that’s applied.’ Lucius sighed.

‘Figures.’ Loki rolled his eyes.

While there was only one vampire that applied out of five candidates, they were all qualified enough. Though even Chris agreed after interviewing them all, that one of them stood out the most and seemed that he would be the best fit for the school. His name was Alex and he was a human.

After they dismissed all the candidates apart from Alex, they gave him the good news and asked him to start straight away. Which he agreed to do, happily.

Loki went to go fetch Bat now he was finished. Jessica’s classroom was empty, so he went to Severus’ class, knowing she would be there.

As he reached his room, the door was half open so Loki paused just outside and peeped in a little when he heard Severus talking in an odd voice.

‘You are such a cutie. My girl would absolutely adore you. Yes, she would!’ Severus was cooing over Bat, who was lying on his desk, loving the attention. Severus leaned back to take a picture of Bat, to send it to his partner, then he was back fawning over her.

Loki pushed the door further open and walked in. Severus instantly straightened himself up and his face fell serious.

‘Ah. Come for your cat?’ He asked with a cough.

Loki struggled to resist from laughing. ‘Yes, come to get my cutie cat.’ He smirked.

Severus glared at Loki then abruptly stood up. ‘Well, it’s not a lie, is it?’ He shrugged sheepishly.

Loki decided not to tease him further on it. He walked over and scooped Bat up. ‘Thanks for keeping her company. She does love people.’

‘No problem.’ Severus said quietly, then sat down again once Loki left the room.

Loki headed towards the entrance, he saw Alex just ahead of him who was just leaving, too.

‘I look forward to working with you, Alex.’ Loki called to him.

Alex spun around and smiled. ‘Thanks, you too.’

Bat then did something that Loki had never seen before. She let out the loudest yell Loki had ever heard from her, but it was an angry yell, and she threw herself out of Loki’s arms and bolted towards Alex while hissing and growling at him.

Alex backed up, but Bat launched for his lower legs with her claws out, she kept spitting at him and yowling.

Chris and Lucius came running down the corridor at the noise, Severus rushed out of his class too. They were all just as stunned as Loki was.

‘I’m sorry, she’s never done this before.’ Loki said quickly in a panic as he ran forward and grabbed Bat.

Though Bat wasn’t happy. She squirmed so much that Loki couldn’t keep hold of her, and as soon as she was back on the floor, she launched for Alex yet again. Alex ran out of the school and stumbled down the steps, Bat continued to chase him right across the grounds and she only stopped once he was out the school gates.

Loki, Chris, Lucius and Severus ran out after them.

‘I’ll… see… you tomorrow.’ Alex called out, shaken, as he bolted down the road towards his car.

The vampires just stared in complete shock.

‘Chris... I think you should probably organise a thorough background check on that guy.’ Severus muttered, still staring at Bat.

‘Definitely.’ Chris muttered back.

‘Bat. Are you ok? Are you hurt, ill?’ Loki asked as he picked her up, worried over her.

‘I don��t think she’s hurt, Loki. I’d say she just senses something very off about Alex.’ Lucius hummed.

‘She’s never done that before.’ Loki said as he turned to face them, though Bat was settled again and began licking her paws as she relaxed in her owners’ arms.

‘We’ll look into the guy. If he’s clean, then perhaps worry about if she’s ill or hurting.’ Chris said calmly.

‘Hm.’ Loki huffed, still not convinced there wasn’t something wrong with her.

The following day, Lucius went to the school and informed Loki that Alex turned out to be a hunter. He was trying to get close to the vampires of the school, to build up a trust before attacking from the inside.

‘So, Bat’s judgement was right. He was a bad man with bad intentions.’ Claire said and Lucius nodded.

‘Loki, what’s wrong?’ Claire asked, noting how he didn’t seem happy.

‘I just… She’s never attacked someone like that before, or even displayed anger towards someone. If she is like that with bad people, why is she always all over Chris?’

Claire’s face softened and she wrapped her arms around his arm. ‘He did save her, remember? I bet she remembers that.’

Loki grumped in response.

‘I’ve told Chris to re-interview the other candidates, he can decide who he wants to hire.’ Lucius said.

‘What’s happened with Alex?’ Claire asked.

‘He’s been dealt with.’ Was all Lucius said. ‘I’ll see you later, I need to get back to work.’

‘Thanks, dad.’ Loki called to him as he headed out.

Loki sat down on his chair and ran a hand down his face. Claire went over and perched on his lap, he put his arm around her and smiled. ‘Thanks, love. Sorry for being grumpy.’

Claire draped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. ‘I love you even when you’re being a Mr grumpy gills, don’t worry.’ She teased.

Loki chuckled. ‘I was just really worried about Bat. Never seen her act like that before. She can fairly go into attack mode, I never knew she had it in her.’

‘Well, she obviously just never needed to. At least she’s acting on her instinct and let you all know that Alex was bad. I know the way she is with Chris upsets you, but to a kitten that had been abandoned and was on the brink of death, the person to save her will always have a place in her heart. Whether you agree with that judgement or not.’ Claire said softly.

‘I know. You’re right.’ Loki sighed.

‘I’m always right.’ Claire grinned.

‘Don’t push it.’ Loki smirked at her.

‘Not interrupting, am I?’ Came Chris’ voice, making Loki tense up and his jaw clench.

‘You always are, though that's never stopped you before.’ Loki growled at him.

Chris smirked and walked into the room, hands behind his back. ‘I’ve called the other candidates back for tonight.’

Loki waited, thinking there was more to it. Though Chris never said anything more. ‘Ok… So? You don’t need me to be there, do you?’

‘Not necessarily… but can I borrow Bat?’

Loki’s eyebrows almost shot up off the top of his head. ‘What? No! You’re not using my cat.’

‘She clearly has a good sense of who’s good and who’s not. Wouldn’t you rather a new teacher working here had her approval?’ Chris asked, folding his arms over his chest.

‘Well, of course. Though I don’t want to stress her out more.’ Loki argued.

‘I promise, if she acts the same way with any of the other candidate, I will chuck them out instantly. I’ll even take her back to you after we’re done, to save you coming back in.’ Chris said calmly.

Loki was speechless, he looked at Claire, who shrugged.

‘I mean… I don’t think it would be a bad thing to let Bat meet the others, to make sure there’s not another hunter trying to get in.’ Claire said softly.

Loki growled a little and glared at Chris. ‘No… it’s not happening.’

That evening, the first candidate to return walked into Chris’ office in the evening and raised an eyebrow upon seeing a black cat sitting on Chris’ desk, with seemingly judging eyes.

‘What’s with the cat?’ He asked with a chuckle and leaned over to pet her, Bat gave an appreciative purr, but kept professional.

‘She’s my assistant’ Bat let out a displeased yell. ‘I mean, my… deputy head for the day.’ Chris chuckled a little.

Bat sat a little prouder, looking as pleased as a cat could.

‘Ok…’ The guy trailed off, slightly confused as he sat down.

The interviews with the four candidates went well. Bat didn’t have a bad reaction to any of them, which Chris was relieved about, he wasn’t really in the mood to fight with his little brother tonight. While the candidates waited outside, Chris put their forms out on front of Bat.

‘I like them all. Who do you think is best?’ He asked and folded his arms over his chest.

Bat looked at the forms with the little profile pictures of each one in the top corner. She took a moment before putting her paw on the third guy, Spencer. Chris picked up his paper and glanced over it with a hum.

‘What did you think of this one? He’s the only vampire. Unless my senses are mistaken, the other three are humans. Right?’ Chris asked.

Bat chirped her answer, which he figured meant yes. Though she walked over to Chris and batted at the form in his hands again.

He sighed and looked at Bat, she stared back at him, neither of them blinked or broke eye contact for a minute. Then Chris sighed again and nodded. ‘Alright. I’ll offer Spencer the job.’ He said with a little reluctance.

Bat let out a happy chirp and brushed her head against him. Chris rolled his eyes but had a little smile as he petted her.

When he popped out of his office to see the four candidates, Bat was perched on his shoulder.

‘Thank you all for coming back for another interview. It was difficult to choose between you all, as you all have great skills and experience for this school. However, Spencer, I’d like to offer you the job.’ Chris put on a smile and walked over to shake his hand, deliberately leaving out the part that he’d only gotten the job because of a cat deciding.

‘Thank you very much, Sir. I really appreciate it.’ Spencer grinned happily.

When the candidates and Spencer left, Chris took Bat straight home. To avoid Loki’s wrath.

‘Well, did you pick one?’ Loki asked when he answered the door.

‘Yes. Gone with Spencer, the one from down South. He’s starting in a week.’ Chris said as he handed Bat over to Loki.

Loki raised an eyebrow. ‘Really? Well, good choice.’

‘You went with a human? I thought you’d have picked the vampire.’ Claire said from behind Loki as she wandered through.

Chris' jaw clenched a little in annoyance. ‘Let’s just say, a cat’s sense is even better than a vampire’s sense. So sometimes it’s wise to go with your head instead of the heart.’

Loki couldn’t believe his ears. ‘Are you telling me that you let Bat pick?’

Chris shrugged in response, turned on his heels and began making his way down the path without another word.

Loki and Claire looked at Bat, who had made herself comfy in Loki’s arms. She looked up at them both and chirped at them. Loki and Claire then looked at each other, in slight disbelief, before closing the door.

#tom hiddleston #loki #loki x ofc #fluffy loki #loki fic #jessica chastain #severus snape #chris motionless #lucius #the redbridge hunts #vampire Loki

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moonlit-midnight · 2 years ago

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Like the ocean loves the shoreline

Characters: Azul Ashengrotto, Jade Leech, Floyd Leech.

Genre: Hurt Comfort, Platonic Fluff, Friendship.

Summary: In which your best friends saw you at your worst many times, but they will always love you even after the waves stop crashing the shore.

Warnings: Reader is a female, and is half mermaid half human. Mentions of mental disorders and bullying.

—

Floyd knew it was getting worse for you again.

You might be a master at fabricating cheerful smiles, forcing laughter and pretending to be happy, but you cannot fake your illness.

Your attempts at masking your depressive state was in vain because he was quick to caught on your self-destructive behaviors.

He didn’t fail detecting your constant procrastination, refusing to take your medication at times, and your recent compulsive activities such as gaming from 12 midnight until 4 in the morning.

Your happy-go-lucky public façade masked your anguish, but Floyd could clearly see the distress in your eyes and your difficulty to manage your negative emotions in private.

“There you are, starfish.”

Floyd caught you one Sunday midnight, sitting in the dimness of the eerily quiet lounge, crying with a cereal bowl on your lap.

“Why are you looking for me?” You wiped your tears with the sleeve of your oversized purple hoodie which belongs to Floyd.

“Just wanted to check on you. Looks like you’re taking a break from your unhealthy gaming sessions.” He said in a serious tone, eyeing your untouched cereal.

“Guess I’m busted.” You sniffed, setting the bowl down on the table.

“You don’t have to endure it alone. We’re here for you no matter what.” Floyd brushed the tears rolling down your pallid cheeks. “I know that you’re so tired of relapsing, but you’ll get better one day. Remember that recovery is a journey, not a destination.”

“I know.” You nodded, a hiccupped sob escaping your lips.

The teal-haired merman smiled at you before his strong arms carefully lifted you in a bridal carry. You let yourself snuggle against him as he carried you to his room.

There was no way he would let you sleep in your room tonight.

He was sure that you would slip out of bed at 1 or 2 in the morning to continue your gaming until the sun rises.

Your unhealthy ways of coping might not eventually come to a stop, but Floyd would be there to help you step by step until you see the light again.

★ —

Jade knew that you were sleep deprived and being haunted by your past nightmares again.

Your thick concealer might perfectly hide the dark circles beneath your eyes, but if he looked a little closer, he would fully notice the anxiety, the exhaustion and the fear that swirled deep in your eyes.

His suspicions were confirmed when you asked him if you could stay over at his room for a a few days.

Every time your horrid and dreadful nightmares came back, you would seek comfort from none other than Jade.

There was something about him that put you at peace.

“Can’t sleep, my precious pearl?”

At the sound of his calm yet concerned voice, you stopped tossing and turning.

“I’m scared.” You inched closer to him, cuddling his side.

“Don’t be afraid,” He let you bury your face on his chest, his left hand gently cradling the back of your head. “I’ll fight your bad dreams off and chase away your demons if they come to get you.”

“Thank you, Jade.” You murmured, listening closely to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat like a child holding a seashell to their ears.

In a matter of minutes, you fell asleep and the terror gnawing your mind for the past two weeks was slowly lulled to slumber.

“I’m always here for you.” Jade whispered as he kissed the crown of your head.

★ —

Azul knew that you were being bullied and oppressed again.

He noticed that you wouldn’t leave the classroom unless he was with you.

He noticed how you would constantly grab his hand to rush back to the dorm during dismissal time, how you kept your distance when walking the school hallways, and perpetually avoiding people’s gaze in the lounge and the cafeteria.

He found you one late night, crouched down on the cold marble floor in the corridor of the dorm.

You were sobbing, head hanging low and shoulders shaking with every sob escaping your lips.

You didn’t notice that Azul was there until you felt him wrapping his warm coat around your trembling figure, and his gloved hands cradling your tear-stained face in the most gentle way.

Your body felt sluggish and worn out, so you slumped against the silver haired merman, your delicate arms looped around his neck.

He placed a firm hand on your waist to keep you steady while his other hand patted your back to soothe your tremors.

Once your crying stopped and your mind calmed, you spilled your heart out.

The same bullies were bullying you once more.

You thought it won’t happen again after your three best friends; Azul and the Leech brothers threatened your oppressors many times, but you were wrong.

Those jerks wouldn’t stop bothering you over things that didn’t concern them.

They would pick on you when nobody’s around, and they would rudely question your sanity for hanging out with Azul and the twins.

Well, the three mermen were your real friends and your companions for as long as you could remember. Only the ones who were truly close to them were allowed to see their true selves and the goodness of their hearts.

Your bullies knew nothing. It was none of their business, so you weren’t obliged to answer their stupid questions or respond to their insults.

“Did they hurt you physically?” Azul asked anxiously, blue eyes burning with anger.

It caught his attention that you’ve been wearing pants instead of skirts recently.

“Y-yes,” You weakly nodded.

Days ago, a few of your bullies secretly followed you to the swimming pool club which had no members but you.

You were in mermaid form when you took a swim when they jumped on you out of nowhere.

They poked your scales and tugged at your tail, it was painful that it left marks of wounds and bruises on your human legs.

Azul was absolutely appalled and aggravated by these lunatics.

“Leave this to me. I’ll teach them a lesson they’ll never forget, and I assure you no harm will come your way ever again.” Azul tenderly stroked your hair as he whispered his promise.

★ —

After a year and a few months, your mental state and physical health were both improving bit by bit.

Your moods were getting better, and your heavy heart was starting to feel lighter again.

Although you still had moments of failure, your state of mind was stable and at peace at last.

It was all thanks to your efforts to better yourself, to lead a healthy lifestyle and your bravery to strike back at your illnesses.

Besides, you didn’t endure it alone. Azul, Jade and Floyd were there, always ready to lend you a helping hand and supporting you in your long journey to healing and recovery.

Your three best friends were like a sunrise and a bright blue sky, always giving you hope.

“Guys, she’s really getting better.” Floyd barged into the VIP room while he was on his shift.

“She’s finally laughing, isn’t she?” A smile graced Azul’s face, peering up from the stacks of papers he was sorting alongside Jade.

“She is.” Floyd nodded enthusiastically, beckoning the two boys to follow his lead.

Exiting the VIP room, they made their way to the kitchen.

There you were, sitting comfortably on the floor, watching your favorite comedy show on your phone.

Your face was glowing beautifully, and your head was thrown back each time you laughed, a laugh no longer fake or forced.

Azul, Jade and Floyd observed you from the doorway, their hearts lighting up with joy and gladness from seeing your genuine happy self again.

It felt nice hearing you laughing cheerfully and smiling brightly without a care in the world once again.

“Care to join me, guys?”

The three mermen jumped on their spot, your sweet voice snapping them out from their daze.

Your eyes was focused on your phone, but you could sense Azul, Jade and Floyd watching you with their affectionate gazes.

“Sure thing.” They said in unison as they joined you sitting on the floor.

The four of you were huddled together, leaning into one another as you continued watching your favorite comedy show.

Then and there, you would giggle and laugh heartily alongside the boys.

Your laughter was like a mellow tune playing on a warm spring afternoon, and the boys relished the happy and delightful sound.

Slowly, slowly but steadily, you were finally blooming like a spring wildflower after all these hardships.

#✦💖 hannah's musings #twisted wonderland #twst #twst fanfic #twst scenarios #floyd leech x reader #jade leech x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x fluff #floyd leech x fluff #jade leech x fluff #azul ashengrotto x fluff #twst x angst #floyd leech #jade leech #azul ashengrotto #octavinelle

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at1nys-blog · 10 months ago

Text

Thunders leaving hints

Pairing: not much of a pairing to be honest

Summary: something out of the ordinary happens and Percy Jackson is furiously mad

A/N: I know I have WIPS piling up but shhhh. Also this was based on a post by @awesome-shoes-with-wings and I had to write this just for fun so is not as good as my other works but is something. For the requests, I’ll be finish them shortly I hope

They didn’t know where they were going, the only thing they knew was that wherever was safer than what it was supposed to be home.

New York had been chaotic the past couple of weeks both for the mortal world and the…immortal one.

They knew about the monster living among humans, knew about the gods and goddesses watching over them. The deities appeared in their dreams every now and then leaving cryptic messages that only made sense in dreamland.

The last one was the most weird message they received, talking about a camp in Long Island where they could stop by for a while before starting their journey back again.

It took them a couple of days, walking around the forest to finally see the entrance of the so called Camp Half Blood. Before stepping in, they looked around, making sure no monster were after them, if they were they didn’t want for the campers to be in danger.

Something, stroking their leg made them jump out of their skin but when they noticed it was just a cat, once again, they felt relieved.

“Why do you guys keep scaring me like that.” They started saying while getting down on the animal level. “Thank you for keeping me good company.” They added before taking out of their backpack a cookie to give the cat a piece of it. “Okay now…” standing up they took a deep breath. “Let’s do this.” And they stepped foot at camp.

Hestia was minding her business when she saw the kid getting inside, eyes still on the situation she called Zeus over.

“I think you need to claim them as soon as possible before Perseus pays us a visit.” The father of the Gods was caught unprepared for this, choking on his ambrosia.

“I don’t have kids to claim.” He said frenetically, looking around hoping his wife wasn't around, who knows what she might think of this.

“Are you sure?” The Goddess asked, she just wanted to make sure they were not going to get a visit from Percy anytime soon. She loves the kid, dearly, he is a sweet boy but she knows how scary he can be, just like his father’s domain.

“I’m 100% sure THAT is NOT my kid to claim. If anything they look like they could be Hera’s kid if she was anything like me.” Thunder, at the mention of Hera’s name, there were thunders which surprised both Zeus and Hestia.

“Are you so scared of her you can’t control your thunders?” Joked the Goddess but again, it wasn’t Zeus.

The two deities dropped the conversation there, if his brother claimed that wasn’t his kid after mentioning Percy Jackson than Hestia cpuld believe he was telling the truth. That was not his kid.

Percy Jackson was furious, it had been three hours since this kid got at camp at the Gods didn’t say a word yet. He made it clear, they were to claim their kids as soon as possible.

For the son of Poseidon it had been a struggle the first hour with the new camper, but everyone talked some sense into him, wait, maybe their godly parent is busy with something, but Percy was sure it wouldn’t be difficult to just send a little message even while busy. They didn’t had to drop at camp, looking at their kid and saying ‘yep that’s mine’ they just had to send a little glowing little symbol, nothing that would take literally a second.

“I’m going to talk to them. They are coming with me” He couldn’t wait longer.

“Whoah whoah whoah. Hold your horses man, Annabeth and Chiron asked you to wait until tonight. Maybe their parent is busy.” Stopped him Grover.

“Man, I love you, I do but I’m pretty sure is like sending a text message. You can do it everywhere you are, whatever you are doing.” It was a fair point, the satyr agreed.

“Okay, but what if…” the glance that Percy sent him scared his best friend, who just shut up. There was no way he would make him change his mind. “You are scary.” Grover commented under his breath, praying the Gods Percy didn't hear him.

“They only had one job. One hell of a job.” Another set of thunders and lighting rumbled on Earth. “Don’t get mad at me Zeus, fix that or else…” he shouted at the sky. “I’m going to take a shower since I have to wait. Keep them company.” He said pointing at the new kid, who was having something to eat with the Hermes’ kids.

Three hours and yet nothing. Zeus called a meeting 30 minutes after he noticed no one was going to claim the new camper but all the major Gods came with the same answer ‘is not mine’ but how was that even possible?

It wasn’t a kid of the minor deities either and he was going crazy about this.

“Can you guys tell me who is so stupid to go against Perseus?” It came out naturally, everyone looking at Zeus confused. “What? That kid is worst than Poseidon here.” The God of the sea was smirking, proud of his boy being feared by his “all mighty” brother.

“Not to be that Goddess but have you noticed they attract cats like they are catnip? Could that be used to find who between us is their parent?” Said Athena and, as if a lightbulb turned on in their little godly brains, everyone agreed, and the twelve gods turned their head to Artemis.

“You people have to be kidding me. I swore celibacy.” Her words did not affect the deities. “I would give up immortality than laying in bed with a man.” Disgust filled her tone at the use of that word.

“It was worth the shot.” Commented Apollo. “So who else here loves cats.” He added looking deep into Ares’ eyes.

“Stop staring at me.” If anything Apollo’s gaze on him intensified. “Oh for the love of me, just because I had a cat as a partner ONCE now that means every kid that like cats is mine?” The war God had to take a step away from Apollo, not standing the way he was looking at him so close and so deep. “Look if that weakly thing was mine I would send something else to keep them safe.” He added which only made the Sun God coo and teased him for being a softie. “I’ll show you how much of a softie I am…”

“Stop it. If you keep fighting between one another, we will never find out who between you created them. Now…” started Hera, who only wanted this day to be over.

“Maybe is one of the nymphs’ kid?” Suggested Dionysus.

“Man you should really shut your mouth. If that was the case we wouldn’t be here.” Iris interjected before anyone else could. “Listen, that one is not mine okay? Now I need to go.” And she left, just like this but she knew the others would believe in her words, she wasn’t one to lie. On the other hand… The pro liar between them did not say a word yet which Hecate had to point out.

“What if the cats are just a disguise? What do you think about that Hermes?” Oh Gods if she was having the time of her life at this exact moment. Knowing who the demigod belonged to was so much fun, she had to thank Freya for this. “Isn’t it weird that he didn’t say anything? Maybe they are yours? Or do you know something?”

“The only thing I know is that my wings are killing me right now. Good me, I never flew this much in ages.” He said.

“Why are you avoiding my questions? Am I right? Are they yours?” Of course she was mistaken but Gods if she was loving it. Now she understood why Eris loves to create dramas.

“That is not my kid. As Ares here, I take pride in my children’s talent and they are not good enough to be my kids.” Thunders once again. “Zeus you really need to check on your thunders. If the go ballistic once again I might start crying.” cried Hermes. While everyone was trying to figure out who was behind the kid’s creation Hecate was having so much fun, trying her best to not laugh at their faces.

It was at the end of the day, when Percy came to Mt. Olympus looking at the twelve Gods with eyes filled with rage that Hermes had an enlightment.

“Uhm guys, I think I might know why we couldn’t find out who is their parent.” Hestia and Hera rolled their eyes, while everyone else was so ready to jump him. “Is because their godly parent is from another pantheon.” Thunders started rumbling in the background, like a laugh.

“Dad stop this.” Zeus' kids said in unison.

“Is not me.”

“Is not him, that is Thor laughing at us. He had been sending them all day long, how could I not notice that sooner?” At the gods faces turning into a question mark, Hermes just sighed. “Didn't you noticed he would use thunders every time we belittled the kid? No one? Really? Wow.”

“So, you are saying that there are other Gods out there? And they still don’t claim their off spring? Alright, can you tell me where they are? I need to take it out on someone.” And Percy was ready, so ready to knock some good manners into the Gods, he didn't care if they are powerful being that could easily kill him.

The gods had to block him there before he went on doing something stupid.

“Kid, that is so nice of you but they are already claimed, pretty much since birth.” said Hermes, knowing about you from Loki.

“The cats.” The other said in unison.

“This is why Loki called me last week and asked me so many questions about Camp Half Blood.” Oh, that God was in for a good group jump.

Leaving Mt. Olympus Percy was content with the outcome: the new kid was already claimed, the Greek gods had nothing to do with it and another pantheon was revealed to exist. ANOTHER PANTHEON EXISTS?! He wished those Gods didn’t like him very much but with his luck? He was ready to get a quest the second he walked back into camp.

“I just hope it is local and I don’t have to go to Canada once again.” If only he knew what the Fates had in store for him.

#*ೃ༄ at1nys blog˚◞♡ ⃗#fanfiction based on a post on tumblr #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson fandom #percy jackson imagine #percy jackson fanfiction #greeks gods #reader insert #percy jackson reader insert #percy jackson platonic fanfiction

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