#so you just get their canon homoerotic friendship instead

[kiwibirbkat]

My idea for esmp2 highschool!

The highschool is for magic and anything associated with it. Witches, creatures, gods, all are welcome here.

The world has no overall authority and is full of tons of different kingdoms. The biggest authority is actually the school they all go to

Shubble:

A witch (obviously)

Went to the Academy for elementary and middle school

All witches are sent out to the regular world to test their competence and responsibility before they return to the Academy for college and getting their magic license

Shubble currently has what is essentially a magic learners permit (they can do small spells and potions, NO MAJOR SPELLS)

Academy provides them with a small fund for housing (and, for the first month, food (you are expected to either grow/conjure your own food or get a job to buy your own after the first month))

Stayed in a very small room in one of Dawn's taverns so she could afford to buy food with the fund at first, goes and builds her hut in the mangrove forest after they were kicked out of the Academy because she can't afford to stay in the tavern and can't be tracked (nobody but Shubble has gone into the mangrove and come back out again, so she's left mostly alone)

She is stressed af because they still made the villagers and now has to deal with getting kicked from the Academy, being a high schooler, AND taking care of the villagers

The Academy actually doesn't give a shit, Shubble is just incredibly paranoid and ran away after the first few letters reminding them to come back

And of course! Tortoise is their familiar still

Joel:

Still a god

Was raised by Saint Pearl but she kicked him out for being an annoying teen

Literally just 16

Still lives in one of his temples and is taken care of by the villagers that worship him

Has access to basically everything he did before (Pearl isn't cruel, she just got tired of his whining)

6'11 and still growing

WANTS a beard, it simply WILL NOT GROW!

Lizzy:

Was someone's familiar at the Academy before getting hit by a spell gone wrong (was supposed to temporarily turn her human, it ended up permanently turning her into an anthropomorphic cat)

Literally just has a box on her head with her humansona glued to it and eye holes cut out

Lives in her own house outside of any of the kingdoms jurisdiction because not many people like to settle next to the smog of Gobland so it is quite literally free real estate

Was going to start Animalia but she couldn't get the spell that happened to her to happen again

Does not have Ariana Goate, she is her own celebrity with no affiliation to this random high schooler

Sausage:

His king has not turned evil yet!

Just lives the life he lived in the flashback but goes to highschool

Is only at the school because he can talk to animals

Also, he still has a beard! Joel, the god, only has a stubble, but this man just has a full beard because Eddie is a rabbit man and didn't teach him to shave

Katherine:

A princess! Her parents are really strict, monster hunting is her rebellion

Swears she shouldn't be at the school, because she's not magic in any way!

Cursed.

Really really buff but hides it with flowy sleeves and long skirts on her dress

Lives in the kingdom she did before she started GlimmerGlove (obviously, it's her parents kingdom)

Joey:

After their ship got attacked, he washed up

Seeing him screeching about a living skeleton, he was thrown into the school for technically having an association with magic

Due to a combination of never having education, ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia (and generally not caring), he is very much struggling in school

Katherine was assigned to tutor him for being an all A student

He saw her roll up her sleeves one time and got a crush

Not "piratesexual" just pan with an attraction to strength and power

Lives on the ship that he built himself

Gem and fWhip:

Still twins, Gem just got really lucky with her genes

Both part human and part goblin

Gem is slightly shorter than average with a very light green tint to her skin, slightly bigger canines, and pointier ears

FWhip is literally just a little taller then the average goblin with slightly softer ears

FWhip lives with his mom (the queen of Gobland) and Gem lives with her dad (the king of Dawn)

Their birth finally lowered tension between Gobland and Dawn! They were only born because they had been at war before their parents got married at 18, which technically stopped the war, but the people of Dawn and Gobland were still very aggressive and tense before the twins birth

False:

Amnesiac still

Lives in the forest that she randomly woke up in one day?

Built her own house and decided to start mining iron to build machines

Some type of hybrid, but got her wings ripped off somehow, so they don't know what type

Pix:

A phantom hybrid

Lives with his parents technically, but they aren't home often

Still obsessed with history

Jimmy:

A toy that magically came to life!

A sheriff

Has Tumble Town because nobody wanted to live in the Mesa

He's the only one in Tumble Town other than his cat and his horse

Only the law in this land, he just ignores that.

Scott:

Has no parents

Adventured for most of his life before finally settling down

Technically has Chromia but all of his "citizens" are llamas

He just wanted an excuse to build cute buildings and gardens

His great great great great (lots of greats) ancestors were elves, which is why he's in the school (that and his magic eye

Oli:

From another universe

Climbed into the heavens for a dare because he got really reckless after his close friend died

Got bored immediately and jumped down

Just a normal guy. Only in the school because he literally fell from the sky

Never got arrested by fWhip

Homeless outside of his tent. Insists it's a kingdom called the Olipeligo

The other empires (concerned) keep offering to buy him a house or something but he insists he's fine in the Olipeligo

Hermes is Joel's childhood toy that came to life somehow after he got kicked out. He just got attached to Sausage, so now Joel and Sausage are teen dads that co-parent him

[johnslittlespoon]

ok okokk i may be pushing it but i just cant stop picturing barry circa 2012 with leaving!bucky. i just feel like theyd have the cutest dynamic ever. he gives art student vibes like maybe hes studying film or literature. theyre childhood bestfriends and maybe they were eachother's homoerotic-codependent-friendship canon event. UGHH theyd be so cute stfuu. and maybe bucky and gale are already established and curt is just yearning for a whileee like over a year of slow burn until the three of them are a throuple... idk i just miss curtbuckbucky. you dont have to change your canon for the long fic i just needed to share this idea lmfao

au post | NO ur not pushing it this is such fun world building teehee <33 genuinely this is gonna help me later for drafting! (FUCK MY LIFE HOW IS THIS 2K WORDS. i thought i only had a few thoughts... i was so wrong. my bad chief. enjoy/suffer ig)

ok so this is so funny because i've actually been thinking ab how sweet those two would be together, cute little nerdy besties, and how they'd meet because of course curt has to be in this fic!!

and the first thing my mind went to was the cliche homoerotic codependent friendship trope too LMAO. i'm feeling like maybe they meet on the first day of highschool; neither of them share their english class with any friends, and they end up sat next to each other, and john keeps side–eyeing him because curt looks... interesting. (ie: deep into his emo phase. the fringe. the smudged eyeshadow. chipped black nail polish, band shirts– all things john does not let him live down as they grow up.)

but his eyes settle on some pin on curt's jacket that has some character from his favourite movie or something, and the yap jumps out, john can't control it. blurts out a "you like ___ too?!" and curt's head snaps over and he nods nervously and john takes one look at those big sad charcoal–ringed blue puppy eyes and is like yup. this is the one. will protect with my life.

(tiny headcanon that rly won't have a big effect on plot or anything, but i feel like it just fits very well with john/his character in leaving– dude's got madddd undiagnosed adhd. he's written off as a loud mouth/troublemaker in his childhood, but he wants to be a good kid, his mind is just always going too fast and sitting still is torture and his parents get frustrated and don't look into the root of the problem, trying to discipline it out of him instead. i will heal my inner child by healing him alright)

they're attached at the hip from that moment on and it makes sense to no one because they seem like complete opposites, curt more inclined towards the arts and bookish things and his friends are all the same, whereas john is more inclined towards athletics and science and hangs around that type of crowd as well. but they both love video games and movies and music and they bond over never really feeling like they fit in anywhere particular and both groups of friends get along just fine when they all get together. <3

but yk time goes on, they learn things about themselves as they grow up, and curt and john are so close and spend so much time together that they're already a lot closer than regular friends– they just don't realize it. they think nothing of cuddling up on the couch watching movies together, or sharing a bed when john stays over at curt's place after he gets into a fight with his parents, or being much more interested in spending time together than pursuing girls.

and curt's pretty– john nearly mistakes him for a girl that first day they meet. the summer before their senior year, john practically spends the whole summer at curt's house, and curt's mom doesn't mind; she works long hours and is glad her son isn't spending the summer moping around indoors alone, and she loves john and gets the feeling that her home is a sanctuary for him. one day they're in the backyard lazing around, and they get onto the topic of first kisses, and neither of them have had a proper relationship outside of those classic week–long middleschool flings that don't actually mean anything, so there's not much to talk about.

but being dumb teenage boys, they start worrying about "what if we're really bad at kissing and no girls wanna go with us to senior prom this year" etc. and one of them pops the suggestion of practicing together, and thus begins a summer of sweet stolen kisses and hand holding and experimenting and dancing around calling it something. it ends when the summer does because they realize that they both work better as friends, but they're as close as ever and both definitely learn they aren't straight (and they probably make a cute pact– "if we aren't in love by the time we're thirty, we'll just marry each other.")

i don't see them really doing much together because they're young and shy and inexperienced, but it's enough for john to decide that yeah, he definitely likes guys too, but that's all that really amounts to (until he meets gale) because he's growing up in a small town in wisconsin and it's not the easiest/most accepting place to find other queers. john probably ends up dating a real sweet girl during his last year of highschool, but she's going away for college and john's going to a local one so it ends amicably at the end of summer, both of them staying close friends. (if we wanna get sickeningly wholesome, maybe she ends up pining for a girl while john's pining for gale and they share their little stories and give each other advice and facetime every week to catch up <3)

(++ curt ends up falling head over heels for ken, who he meets through john when curt and john's friend groups get together for movie nights or summer parties. john pretends to be annoyed at how lovesick they are when they first start crushing, but he ends up matchmaking and being the one to push them to confess their feelings after graduation because he loves his friends.)

BUT THEN, leaving this fic's 'canon' to elaborate on the throuple stuff you said! i miss curtbuckbucky too </3

in a separate universe, curt doesn't end up with ken, and as much as he loves his friendship with john and agrees that a relationship wouldn't have worked at that time in their lives, he spends that first year of college pining. when john starts talking about some guy named gale during their second year, he's a little sad, but mostly protective, because "what do you MEAN he's in his 30s??" and "he's a BIKER?"

but john eventually introduces him to gale after a few months of telling curt about him, probably once he and gale actually start seeing each other, and curt immediately gets it. and then he's in double–hell because not only is he a bit (a lot) in love with his best friend, but he's blushing every time said best friend's new bf talks to him, and they're gonna notice eventually if they haven't already and he feels so guilty.

more yearning ensues and john is dense and doesn't realize but gale picks up on it, maybe even notices john doing a bit of pining of his own that john's not fully aware of. and his heart twists because his mind goes to his own insecurities about how john should be seeing someone his own age, so he sits john down and opens up a conversation about it. john is adamant that he's very, very happy with gale, but he tells gale about his and curt's past and admits that he has always still had feelings for him, but insists that it's not something he'd ever pursue, that he values curt's friendship more.

gale throws him off by saying he wouldn't mind if john wanted to explore those feelings, and at first john gets anxious gale is calling things off with the two of them and this is his way of softening the blow, but gale reassures him that's not the case, that he's very happy with their relationship. he just encourages that if he wants to talk to curt and feel things out, he wouldn't be opposed to john and curt seeing each other as well– gale's often busy, after all, so it would be nice for john to have someone else, as long as curt's comfortable with that kind of arrangement and as long as john keeps gale in the loop.

they decide to kinda just feel it out as they go, but soon enough gale starts coming home from work every so often to find the two of them curled up on his couch together, sweet and innocent. curt's wary at first, always slightly detaching himself from john when gale's around, but gale is always friendly and doesn't change up his routine, settling on the couch at john's other side like it's not a big deal at all, wanting to show curt he's welcome there, not wanting john to feel guilty.

it's another scenario where lines just sorta start to blur over time, curt spending a lot of time over at gale's house, and gale sees the way curt looks at him, probably noticed it from the first time they met but chalked it up to nerves at the time. curt's an angel and he's grown quite fond of him, but he doesn't want to overstep, so he leaves it up to curt, thinking maybe the boy will mention it to john one day and john will in turn come to gale to talk about it.

and eventually that happens, just like gale thought it might. curt's just gone home and john's head is in his lap on the couch while they watch tv, and john asks "what do you think about curt?" and gale tells him that he's sweet and he loves how much john smiles when he's around him, the usual. "so you like him?" john pushes, and gale immediately has a feeling where this conversation is going, drags his eyes away from the tv to look down at john.

says "of course" easily, and lets john take his time forming his thoughts. john ends up telling him that he and curt were fooling around earlier while gale was at work (and god help gale for the images that puts in his head) and that he'd made some offhand comment about how curt better hurry up if he doesn't want gale to come home and catch him half naked on their couch. and john's all shy when he says "and curt, uh. y'know. that... did it for him" with a vague gesture LOL. gale never fails to find it amusing how certain things can fluster john to talk about after all they've done together.

"so, anyway. i asked him about it after, if it was a coincidence, and he was real shy about it, but he did admit after a whole lot of apologizing that he likes you." gale listens to him nervously get his words out, petting his hair encouragingly, waits for him to be done before he asks "how do you feel about that?" only to watch the flush return when john mumbles "it's hot."

this is getting sooo long i need to take away my own typing privileges, but basically that's how things would start between the three of them– john and gale agree that gale will let himself be a bit flirty with curt and see how curt takes it. obviously this goes a little too well when curt gets hot and bothered sat between john and gale during a movie night with john's hand on his knee and gale's arm resting on the couch behind him while he plays with curt's hair.

the movie is forgotten when gale's finger catches on a tangled curl and curt doesn't bite back the little whine that slips out in time and john's head snaps over and he mumbles a "fuck" when he realizes what's happened, and his lack of filter comes out to play when he turns to curt and asks "curt, can gale kiss you?" and curt turns to gale with big doll eyes and nods.

john ends up palming himself over his shorts as he watches gale coax curt into his lap, face hot and pupils blown as he gets to see both his guys make out in front of him, almost dizzy seeing curt get so shy and needy and pliant because when it's just the two of them, he and curt are both very balanced in their dynamic. they've been such close friends for so long that not much gets the other truly shy like that, and they're always quick to voice their wants and crack jokes while fooling around and all. so to see curt get so flustered in that way with gale has him lightheaded, and by the time they all collapse into gale's bed at the end of the night, john's convinced this is the best decision he's ever made.

there's a lot of pining on curt's end because for a while it's kinda just sex when it's the three of them, and he loves it but he also finds himself wanting more but feeling too scared to voice it because he feels like he's intruding. but eventually they all get their shit sorted out; curt fits into their relationship just right in a way gale and john never intended or expected, and gale falls for curt just as much as john has and curt does the same with gale.

gale's got two sweet things glued to his side now and man, do they ever give him a run for his money, and if he'd thought john had too much energy (and stamina) it's nothing compared to keeping up with both of them, but he wouldn't have it any other way. <3

throuple things won't be happening in the actual fic, but i do love the idea of exploring the dynamic the three of them might have in a spin–off of that au so this was rly fun thx :-) maybe i'll write a pwp oneshot set in that universe as an excuse to write more curtbuckbucky once the fic is done LOL we'll see!

[spacebug7]

about to do a luca wordvomit sorry sorry

i just saw someone saying that luca was "queerbaiting" or like. an example of writers/executives being to afraid to write queer romance, and while that may or may not be true (given the context, like how maybe a year after that film came out those pixar employees wrote that one letter) i actually think that luca is impressive and impactful because it isn't a romance-- it exists within a pre-romance, and because of that, it hits that much harder.

also they aren't canon just because kenna jean harris made fanart of them but that's another conversation. back to my actual point:

viewing luca through a queer lens, there is SO much to be found that is immensely relatable to the queer experience-- primarily, what it's like to grow up gay. you have the concerned, fearful mother; you have the supportive relative and ally friend; the bullies, the mentor-- and more importantly, you have that one person that absolutely changed everything.

i'm not going to say that this is a universal experience-- everyone's journey is different. but i am going to say that this is something that is incredibly common, even more so within queer media-- and luca is just another example of this. no doubt about it-- alberto's presence in the film is one that is both vital to the plot and to the allegory that the story presents.

it's almost common to joke about life-ruining/world-altering homoerotic friendships in online queer spaces. that's probably why the film was so relatable to a lot of queer people, myself included. not only that, but the way the characters are written-- when i joke about this film being the pixar fish version of "call me by your name" i'm not actually all-the-way kidding. this film, i feel, is so intertwined with queerness and the experience of growing up queer that it's really difficult to look at it and go, "okay, but they're not gay."

THAT BEING SAID. they shouldn't have been canonized. like, ever. that would have ruined the allegory luca presents. purposeful or not, whether the writers really did want to make them a thing, they shouldn't have been. i'm really glad they're not.

i'm not saying that every queer story ends in heartbreak. but i am saying that it's common for those pre-teen/teenaged formative experiences-- the ones where you're young and inexperienced and unsure because what if dad found out? or mom? those stories, those connections, they are almost bound to break your heart.

luca paints a picture of a story just like that. luca has a deep fascination for something that's forbidden. he takes a chance, befriends someone-- alberto, who's already crossed over into this other land-- and falls in love with all of it. he goes to great lengths to hide this from his parents. when they find out, they try to send him away to a place that will try to permanently change him and his perception of what he actually wants, so he decides to run away with this other, braver person instead.

they go to a town that's unwelcoming to a fatal extent. they have to stay hidden to survive. they make a friend-- but they can't even trust her, at first, since her father is one of the people that wants their kind dead. i could go on and on and on-- the point is, this all reads queer. allegorically, or within the film itself.

and the ending, the goodbye-- it's bittersweet, because this is something they're not ever going to be able to replicate. this has changed all of the characters, internally, in every way-- but especially the main two. it always gets me choked up, because i know that feeling. and a lot of other queer people do, too.

basically, they're not REALLY gay, but aren't they? when you watch luca as a queer film, everything gets so much worse, because the "what-could-have-been," or even the "what-could-be" becomes so glaringly obvious and beautifully awful. and it's GREAT. why would i want them to be boyfriends within the story itself, when what we're presented with already is so much more complicated and gut-wrenching, especially when you contextualize it with the time period? why would i want fanon luberto to be canon when canon luberto already fucking slaps?

tldr: luca and alberto are only kind of gay. the vague platonic-ness of the nature of their relationship plays to the strengths of the story. i am absolutely obsessed with this film

sorry if some of this is a little incoherent i refuse to proofread byebye

[chained-unchained]

I agree with you about Mark being gay. I’m a straight woman who usually ships m/f couples, but when it comes to Saw I’m all about same sex pairings (coffinshipping, chainshipping, shotgunshipping). The Saw series is SO gay.

There’s no straight explanation for the glass coffin scene. It’s so homoerotic. The way Mark stares at Peter, the way Peter becomes obsessed with catching Mark, etc. Plus, Mark never shows any romantic interest towards women. He just seems gay to me.

Mark Hoffman is gay and had a huge crush on both Strahm and Rigg, and no one will change my mind about this. Is it confirmed canon? No, but it makes sense and wouldn’t be that much of a stretch.

That’s why I can’t get into Mark x fem reader self insert fics that portray him as a pussy vulture who LOVES reader’s tits. People can write whatever they want, but whenever I stumble across a fic where Mark is 100000% straight I’m like, “Did they even watch the movies? This seems really out of character.”

Eating pussy? Nah. That man likes sucking dick.

“Pussy vulture” really cracked me up! XD Idk why it sounds so funny…

I agree, he doesn’t come off as straight even in the slightest, his interactions with female characters are just weird and far from charming, and I totally believe that he secretly had a crush on Rigg and Strahm… (but then got so nervous and accidentally killed them instead :’D oops!) Maybe he’ll get lucky with dr. Gordon, I bet it could be an interesting dynamic after all.

There’s definitely something inherently homoerotic about these movies - I’m very curious to know what causes it in particular, but they are queer coded 100% It’s very interesting. And also it keeps reminding me about Hannibal and Bryan Fuller who sweared in every interview that he wanted to explore a “platonic male friendship” on screen, but instead just made an iconic gay drama, bless him :D

[thir13enghosts]

Okay, Royce-

Our Star Baseball playing prince from the 50s, died at just 17 by a Greaser named Johnny cutting his breaks like a Carrie Underwood song. But possibly something else about him?

I can't find the OG post regarding the picture but it came up in the same AU RP I mentioned before, but if you look at Royce's jacket closely you see that his jacket may not even BE HIS! Every jacket in the 50s had stitching on them and usually this is for Greasers as jocks got Letterman jackets or special coats with their name and team number and school on them, so he should've had that right unless we're suppose to get a picture of him moonlighting as a Greaser??? But WHO'S name is stitched on the jacket?

Seems to be Johnny's! Now we're suppose to get the implication in his backstory he and Johnny weren't really close, I mean Johnny did cut his breaks and got him to do a drag race, so why is he wearing a jacket with his name on it?

Unless somehow Johnny's his dad's or coach's name it feels...very illumining to something with a Greaser and Jock in the 1950's

So in the rp I mentioned we're going between the different ghosts talking about their pasts and talking about trauma, in which btw we recently had Ryan give a meltdown with a HUGE imply his mother was killed in front of him just before he went into puberty thus starting his spree and we did a whole changed a bit version of Our Word from the show 36 Questions with Susan and her family dynamic which I'll leave the song here to give a listen to and get the vibe:

But we went to Royce and did a little story of him and Johnny having a secret romance that got toxic and controlling on Johnny's part so Royce broke up with him, but Johnny was a lot like Chet of "if I can't have you no one can" so he cut the breaks and made Royce go on a drag race for "old time memories when you leave for collage" We took a pause when Royce revealed his final memory of life was him crawling out his firey car while Jonny pulled up and just watched him die coldly

So ye what are you thoughts on why there's the name Johnny on Royce's jacket?

tbh a part of me wonders if the actual Actual reason is bc royce's name was gonna be johnny at first, but at some point during production they changed it to match the irl baseball player named royce clayton and they just. never caught that. i mean i'm already pretty certain there wasn't much cooperation amongst whoever wrote the backstories and the film production so it wouldn't surprise me

as for a canon explanation, genuinely the only conclusions i can come to are either a.) like you said, someone else close to royce was supposed to be named johnny (probably his father? and the jacket would've been like a hand-me-down), or b.) royce & johnny were once close in some way (but as like just friends, bc this was 2001). hell, maybe royce & johnny were supposed to be brothers at some point, who knows.

and as for My royce: the jacket is royce's (see the large letter 'c' on the left side. also the jacket seems to be made of cloth, not leather). the patch (bc it looks like a patch stitched onto the jacket to me) is johnny's, and it was something royce stitched into his jacket bc yes i absolutely agree that royce & johnny Had Something Going On.

(however, my version of royce/johnny was more like "extremely close homoerotic friendship that ended in this really dramatic and emotionally fraught way" but instead of having a massive blowout fight and then never speaking to each other again, they got into a drag race to settle some petty argument they had and one of them accidentally crashed and Fucking Died.)

[internetgiraffekid1673]

Screw it I had more thoughts about these losers. Spoilers ahead I guess? I have so many opinions, so this is going under a readmore.

Okay so. The thing is. I feel like they are already almost poly. Eugene and Rapunzel basically treat each other as "best friends. The bestest of friends. Who also kiss." And Cassandra and Rapunzel are very much "best friends. The bestest of friends. Who would be kissing if this was not made by Disney and poly relationships actually showed up in media."

And neither Cass nor Eugene is particularly possesive of Rapunzel. They just really like her. Any relationship problems Rapsl has with either of them is not based around "being jealous of other people she spends time with." I think, outside the context of this relationship, these guys would be perfectly happy being poly.

So. In the context of them being poly during the run of the show? Yeah it would have been better. Woulda probably made everyone a lot happier if Raps and Cass got to kiss. Like, literally the whole cast has to witness their tragic homoerotic situationship, and would probably have been happier if they just kissed.

BUT! My point from the tags still stands. Eugene and Cassandra HATE each other. Like. They DESPISE each other. The ONLY reason they tolerate the other person's presence in the same room is because Rapunzel likes both of them. They try do that thing that a lot of kids shows with love triangles will do where the two bickering characters will promise to make nice in front of the character they both like to assure their mutual love interest's happiness. And Eugene and Cass MISERABLY FAIL. They have multiple episodes where either the main conflict or the entire B plot is the direct cause of them fighting.

And both of these characters are very bold and confrontational. They would absolutely fistfight each other on sight if they didn't know it would make Rapunzel sad.

If Cass had not left to be an angsty solo lesbian by the time the show ended, SOMETHING would have imploded. I get the feeling that those two were down to casually snipe at and insult each other and barely restrain themselves from fistfighting, but Rapunzel wouldn't be down with it and probably would have tried to put them through some friendship bonding exercise to get them to see each other how she sees them. And then they woulda murdered each other or unleashed an evil god. Not sure which.

Like. Eugene and Cass hate each other, but it's a healthy, mutual hatred that they are perfectly fine keeping at the level it is without escalating it. And Raps loves both of them. But she would not be able to tolerate the two people she loves not loving each other.

(Not to say that Cass and Eugene don't love each other. They just also have a fun dynamic going on where they would save the other's life from any dangerous situation without question, but only after they let the other person get knocked around a bit. And they'd complain the whole time, make fun of the other forever, and say they were owed about a million favors. It's like. . .quasi-sibling coded? Like. They don't feel like siblings to me. They feel like love rivals. But that specific part of their dynamic is very sibling-esque. But of course Rapunzel doesn't really understand that loving someone does not equate to liking them or being nice to them, so she would try to upset the delicate balance).

Anyway. My other point from the tags is that even if they were poly, it would not have changed the events of the series. Cassandra and Rapunzel are already basically girlfriends. You could change like 10 lines of dialogue and add some kissing scenes, and they'd be there. Them being in a canonical relationship would change SO LITTLE about how they behave and feel that I think the finale would have gone exactly the same.

Cass would have still run off on her angsty lesbian solo redemption quest or whatever, but instead of being:

"It's not you it's me. I will carry happy memories of our friendship, but I currently carry too much trauma to make this work. I need to go off on my own to heal and get in a healthier headspace before we can repair what I broke."

It would have been:

"It's not you it's me. I will carry happy memories of being your girlfriend, but I currently carry too much trauma to make this work. I need to go off on my own to heal and get in a healthier headspace before we can repair what I broke."

That's it! That's all that would have changed!

So. Would polyamory have saved them? No. The plot Does Not Change. Would it have made them happier? Yes. Now Cass and Raps get to kiss. Hooray! Would it have made a helluva lot more sense than whatever is happening in canon and overall made the story better? Hands down! Get on that Disney.

I also maintain that a good poly relationship for these three shakes out to be Eugene x Rapunzel coexisting with Cassandra x Rapunzel with absolutely no Cassandra x Eugene to be found, even as a platonic pals situation. But I'm not here to police your headcanons, just scream my own. Do what you want, it's fiction, have fun, maybe polyamory would have saved the versions of these characters that live in your heads, etc., etc.

RAPUNZEL, EUGENE FITZHERBERT, and CASSANDRA from TANGLED

No Justification Submitted - Anonymous

[autisticandroids]

anyway if we're talking about season six coming out allegories. personally i think the ideal 4x01-7x01 cas gay puberty allegory is something like this:

- dean and cas meet and bond. in particular for cas it's the most intense relationship he has ever had, and perhaps the first real friendship he's ever had

- their relationship is extremely homoerotic, but both of them fully conceptualize themselves as straight. whatever the nature of their relationship is, it's something that you can bend the definition of heterosexuality to accommodate, and it is not named as anything other than friendship

- (it's also important to note that while both dean and cas are repressed here, they're repressed in different ways. dean is invested in performing a masculinity that is incompatible with queerness; cas, while dealing with some amount of internalized homophobia, is mostly just intensely sheltered and has simply never considered queerness)

- season five is an experience of being (temporarily) stuck together in a homosocial space - the military, a boy's boarding school, something like that - to simulate how they're kind of stuck all together in the apocalypse, and how, because it's all hands on deck, no one has the opportunity to perform normative heterosexuality

- after this period of enforced homosociality (during which cas and dean's homoerotic bond flourishes) ends, dean finds a woman (lisa) to settle down with

- cas' emotional reaction to this (betrayal, anger, jealousy, obsession) is what makes him realize that something about his feelings for dean goes beyond traditional friendship, and is untoward. this pushes him into a private sexuality crisis

- cas becomes (secretly) involved (both socially and sexually) with crowley, the only out gay person around. crowley begrudgingly holds his hand through his sexuality crisis but thinks cas is pathetic for being in the closet to appease the straight people around them. cas for his part dislikes crowley as a person, and also isn't really comfortable with how aggressively out he is, still wanting to look good for the straight gaze (and in particular he wants to look good for dean and people like him, meaning he has to stay closeted)

- dean discovers that he simply can't hack it in his heterosexual relationship and leaves lisa. this stings his pride and self-image, though he still doesn't openly admit to himself that he isn't straight

- cas (partly prompted by crowley) goes through a series of sexual awakenings

- dean, freshly out a romantic partner, wants to re-ignite his homoerotic friendship with cas but cas simply can't take it, not with having acknowledged to himself that he is in love with dean and still thinking that dean is straight (as well as the fact that cas is now knowingly closeted, as opposed to unknowingly, so he has to actively lie about his sexuality to dean). this leads to their friendship being stilted, distant, and uncomfortable. dean feels abandoned

- dean discovers evidence that cas has been sleeping with crowley. like cas with lisa, this causes dean to feel cheated on and betrayed. unlike cas with lisa, dean does not take this as an opportunity for self-reflection and self-exploration. instead, he turns it into lashing out at cas, homophobically (as well as in other ways), and outing him

- (to be clear one of the reasons dean feels betrayed that cas is sleeping with crowley is, rather than jealousy over cas, jealousy of cas, for being gay and therefore being allowed to have sex with men, as well as feeling betrayed that cas left for The Other Camp - dean wants to be a heterosexual man who fucks around with guys, and as long as cas was there with him, he could be that, but now that cas has joined the ranks of the Others, dean feels abandoned, he feels like a member of a dying species, and most importantly he's suddenly deep down terrified that he is like cas)

- cas tries to appease dean for a little while but it doesn't work

- cas eventually ends up cutting ties with dean and coming out on his own terms at the same time, all in a very public insane meltdown, becoming everything he was afraid of becoming before ("acting" gay, being anti-homophobe, etc), because dean's reaction has disillusioned him with the straight gaze

this is the most fun To Me allegorical read on the gay puberty thesis of cas' first few seasons. and then obviously in canon he like. gets punished for having sex with men and dies, but you know. nobody's perfect

[extasiswings]

When you say this wee woo silly show that was supposed to be just another firefighter show has you on a chokehold I FEEL THAT IN MY BONES because let me tell you I am not doing this for my health okay??!

I've been rewatching the tsunami saga and just. the parallels with the shooting with Buck screaming at Chris " I've got you" and lifting him in his arms and then screaming at Eddie the same thing and lifting HIM in his arms and the way he has been saving their lives from external dangers and disasters while also saving them in the everyday is just. JUST. UGHHHHH

Also when we all say that this is a clown car on its way to the circus olympics I would like to suggest for own horn to be that moment right befor Eddie and Chris visit Buck after the tsunami where the damn song that's playing which cuts rights as the Diaz boys appear is Photograph by Ed Sheeran and it's not that I care for the song all that much but the damn lyrics they decided to go with were

When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me Under the lamppost back on Sixth street Hearing you whisper through the phone "Wait for me to come home"

and it cuts to the door opening and just.

it's there right? it's always been there RIGHT?

are we all having a stroke simultaneously or what the fuck.

the shell shock i see in this fandom induced by what you so perfectly say IF GOD HATES CLOWNS WHY ARE WE WINNING?! is unlike anything else and I just wanted to nod at you in commiseration while going postal and thank you for adding to the mayhem

this is as fun as it is nervewracking i'll se you all when they put as in straight-jackets and send us to the therapy we pray Eddie we'll get

I think @yramesoruniverse said it perfectly here.

From my own perspective...once upon a time I used to watch a ton of tv, but for the past several years that's changed drastically (as in, I can count on one hand the number of shows that I've watched in the past 5 years while they were airing weekly episodes, and that was never even more than one at a time. 911 is the only show that falls into that category right now). I have shipped many ships in my time, including various queer ships, although in all honesty fewer than probably most people who regularly participate in fandom because there have been many popular slash ships for which I've watched the source material and felt like I simply didn't see it [because I personally am not the type who wants to totally reinvent the wheel even if fandom is inherently transformative fan space; character work/analysis is one of my favorite things, in part because at one point I fully intended to have a professional career in the performing arts, so I tend to approach new material and my own participation in fandom spaces from an actor and writer mindset instead of just as a fan. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I have no desire to completely ignore the pieces of canon that are inconvenient to my interpretation].

I knew when I first bingewatched back in S3 that Buck and Eddie were The Fan Ship and I definitely saw the chemistry and the dynamic in S2 and enjoyed it. But it really wasn't until S3 that the vibe changed, imo, from "we're writing two ostensibly straight guys with procedural-typical homoerotic undertones to their friendship" to "we realized that we stumbled into something magical that we're interested in exploring further" and everything became more deliberate. Which is to say, I don't think it's "always been there" in the sense of "they were planning this the whole time" because they've been pretty clear that they weren't, but from S3 onward they've progressively committed to it in the writing choices that were made and have done nothing to backtrack at any of the many points that were available to them. After S3, I said something to the effect of "what they do in S4 is going to be make-or-break in terms of whether they're actually doing this" and it feels like that's ultimately ended up being correct, with the caveat of "and how they handle the fallout from the S4 finale" because they came out swinging in these first two episodes of S5 and I am truly floored.

I feel like we're in a fever dream, I feel high, I feel unhinged, I feel utterly insane, and it is so exciting to me from a writer perspective because god good writing and a truly well-done narrative is so satisfying and delicious [and not always a given since I've seen many an excellent narrative sacrificed at the altar of serving the personal agenda of production rather than just telling the best possible story], but also, as noted in the linked post, sad in its own way. Because if one of these characters was a different gender we not only would have noticed in S2, but we would have expected it to happen, we could have been reasonably confident that any delay in them getting together was only just a waiting game. We wouldn't have had to play this game of "how much do they have to do for us to believe it?" The breathless excitement of watching a beautiful queer love story play out wouldn't be linked with the anxiety of "are they going to fuck this up?"

Anyway...yes, they have me in a absolute chokehold and I have a feeling that the conclusion of all of this will break me (in a good way) with the sheer catharsis of "this is real, this is ours, we get to believe it." And it's not only that they're telling a masterful love story, it's the way that it is first and foremost a story of healing and self-acceptance and self-discovery...it really gets me.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Alice, upon waking up as a newborn, had seen Bella instead of Jasper? What would change?

Oh, oh man, this would get... potentially very interesting.

So we have a few ways this could work out.

Alice has a vision of Bella rather than Jasper.

Given Bella and Alice’s homoerotic friendship in the series, as well as Alice being Alice, I can see her interpreting this vision much the way she interpreted her vision of Jasper even if it seems at first rather platonic. Bella will be her lover.

So, rather than find Jasper once he’s left Maria and tell him about the Cullen diet, Alice waits around for Bella and practices her control so that she’ll be able to turn Bella when the time comes. For reference, whether Alice has her visions of the Cullen family I think will be dependent on when exactly she approaches Bella and how those visions pan out. In this world, I could see the Cullens never being on her radar, though it could go either way.

Jasper either hears about Carlisle through the vampire grapevine (or Peter does and in desperation tells Jasper “Look, rumor has it there’s this fucking weird guy named Carlisle Cullen, maybe you should go find him”) or else he kills himself.

Given that Bella’s younger and that, at least per canon, we know she doesn’t get turned into a vampire until Edward does it, I assume Alice meets her as a human. The question is when.

She could do it in Phoenix, but this would involve a very shady introduction. Alice will not be able to approach Bella during the day, and so will probably show up in her bedroom saying, “Hello Lover”. Which, even for Bella, would not go over well. Bella would also be younger than seventeen which vampires generally acknowledge is not ideal.

However, if she does the Phoenix route then she turns Bella there, probably kidnaps her, and if they ever do run into the Cullens then Edward just sees a pair of blood sucking vampires and couldn’t care less.

They could also show up as she and Jasper did and say, “Hey, we’re joining the coven!” And then Alice would be Edward’s beloved sister who is sadly homosexual and has the world’s plainest girlfriend (Edward initially found the human Bella very plain, before he smelled her blood, I imagine he’d find the vampire version similar. I also believe Edward’s a homophobe, but that’s for another post)

She could also show up in Forks.

If she does this then she can do a slow build up. She can pretend to be human, like the Cullens, enroll herself into Forks high school and pose as a fellow student to ease Bella into the future. Bella’s also a little older which is very helpful.

I say it has to be Phoenix or Forks because too long into Forks and then Edward and the plot of Twilight comes into play and by the time Alice would catch up to Bella she’d probably be married to Edward or horrifically depressed in New Moon.

If Alice sees Forks... well she probably won’t see herself joining the Cullens.

The Forks route has Edward. Edward would have his growing obsession with Bella Swan. The idea of himself turning Bella into a vampire is appalling to him, that another vampire would swoop under his nose and seduce the fair maiden is unthinkable.

He’d honestly try to murder Alice.

It’d be a giant horror show mess. Bella could very well end up eaten by Edward if he decides death is a better option for her. If Bella and Alice survive, I imagine they do not join the Cullens due to this giant mess.

As for whether Alice sees Forks or Phoenix, I think it’s 50/50. Alice wouldn’t see the Edward disaster until she gets to Forks, as that requires a number of decisions on Edward’s end (and Edward trying to eat Bella initially has nothing to do with her so she probably doesn’t see it). And it’s never implied that, for the big visions, Alice sees the best or even most likely path. She just sees something.

When it came to Jasper, it seems like she just saw a point at which she meets him, and when she tried to deviate from the decision to meet him there it all quickly led to disaster so she never did.

Alice doesn’t always get to pick and choose the best option.

Given how we know Alice’s visions work, I think the danger from Edward would be too many steps ahead in the 3-D chess game Alice plays. She only sees one move ahead, not several.

So, toss a coin, Phoenix or Forks.

[prof-president]

i think it’s important for himejoshis to create yuri like fujoshi create yaoi, that being to be entirely delusional and somewhat ignore canonicity in favor of headcanon. and also a healthy dose of Projection.

the downside here is that i physically cannot write abt akimberly i cannot put my headcanons and ideas into words. but, to summarize: kimberly is absolutely not normal, she is just slightly more normal than jamie and luke. this girl was a pure math major and solves ciphers for fun.

i think you need an actual taste of what pure math is because she is not doing any computations or algebra. this girl does proofs and topology and theory of numbers—this is not some fun equation shit this is the reason why those equations do what they do. i cannot stress enough how batshit insane mathheads are, and i say this as someone who likes math because being good with numbers gives you that. math lovers occupy an entirely different dimension because math makes sense beyond numbers.

anyways, this is all to justify that kimberly is extremely silly and only typically isn’t because she doesn’t have as severe adhd and a homoerotic rival. yet.

aki is fucked up for reasons that are obvious, but i do want to address her relationship with fang. mainly, how she wouldn’t be able to be with anyone else bc she’s in love w fang, obsessively.

first of all…fang is 🏳️‍🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👨‍❤️‍👨💅💅✨💖, like it’s not even subtle. he’s just a gay villain henchman in every stereotypical sense. and from the official art, it seems aki’s attraction is wholly one sided, but it is still attraction.

of course, then we get into headcanon about this attraction because considering her backstory, it may just be a twisted sort of obsession and need for validation that’s interpreted through sexual and romantic attraction. what all this boils down to is i don’t think aki is “supposed to be with fang” and i don’t even think that a romantic interpretation is the only valid one. it could be that fang is just her drag mother and she really is just plainly obsessed for his approval and attention, but not looking for much else. think nanami from revolutionary girl utena and touga sort of dynamic.

also, outfit 3 is gay asf. ergo, kimberly is into weird shit and lesbian, aki is the weird shit and bi/lesbian, therefore akim

anyways, i wanted to elaborate on what i think about luke and jamie because i don’t really draw luke. it’s not that i dislike him, it’s more so i tend to draw things i don’t see very often, and there is a lot of luke content so i just draw him less by proxy.

but i do think sometimes there’s a bit of a jump in luke and jamie’s dynamic from enemies to friends/lovers—not much in between. i’m not terribly interested in drawing lukejamie myself, but i hope to provide some in between friendship headcanon art/comics at some point. for now, the headcanons!

luke and jamie are like guinea pigs jockeying for power. what this means is that if they are alone with no barrier between them, they will fight and scrap and try to kill each other for territory. but, as soon as something is put between them, they immediately forget any ill will and fixate on the new thing instead. as soon as that new thing leaves of becomes boring, they immediately start fighting again.

basically, they’re two bitches with severe adhd and just focus on whatever’s most exciting or pressing to them. and that includes working together, which i imagine they do seamlessly. like, they can get alone perfectly fine and normal as if they’re best friends and not even realize it as long as they have something else to focus on.

in this case, it’s “what the actual fuck are you doing kimmy” but that’s neither here nor there. they’re very similar in beliefs and mindset, so it’s rather easy to forget the more negative parts of their rivalry if they have a shared goal or person to annoy.

using my 5d chess brain (kimberly = next chun li, aki = next juri; kimberly x aki) i created the worst kind of yuri.

unfortunately, for most sapphics i know—and it does not matter how sane they appear on the surface—if they got into a relationship w an older dom woman who may or may not’ve tried to kill them at some point they would still follow her to the ends of the earth and then some. guy’s wisdom is infinite, if defeatist.

…and the full image!

[qqueenofhades]

I want to hear about gay knights. Please.

Ahaha. So this is me finally getting, post-holiday, to the subject that was immediately clamoured for, when I volunteered to discuss the historical accuracy of gay knights if someone requested it. It reminds me somewhat of when my venerable colleague @oldshrewsburyian​ volunteered to discuss lesbian nuns, and was immediately deluged by requests to do just that. In my opinion, gay knights and lesbian nuns are the mlm/wlw solidarity of the Middle Ages, even if the tedious constructionists would like to remind us that we can’t exactly use those terms for them. It also forces us to consider the construction of modern heterosexuality, our erroneous notions of it as hegemonically transhistorical, and the fact that behaviour we would consider “queer” (and therefore implicitly outside mainstream society) was not just mainstream, but central, valorized, and crucial to constructions of medieval manhood, if not without existential anxieties of its own. Because medieval societies were often organized around the chivalric class, i.e. the king and his knights, his ability to make war, and the cultural prestige and homosocial bonds of his retinue, if you were a knight, you were (increasingly as the medieval era went on) probably a person of some status. You had a consequential role to play in this world, and your identity was the subject of legal, literary, cultural, social, religious, and other influences. And a lot of that was also, let’s face it, what the 21st century would consider Kinda Gay.

The central bond in society, the glue that made it work, was the relationships between soldiers, battlefield brotherhoods, and the intense, self-sacrifical love for the other that is familiar to anyone who has ever watched a war movie, and dates back (in explicitly gay form, at least) to the Sacred Band of Thebes. Medieval society had a careful and contested interaction with this ideal and this kind of relationship between men. Because they needed it for the successful prosecution of military ventures, they held it up as the best kind of love, to which the love of a woman could never entirely aspire, but that also ran the risk of the possibility of it turning (homo)sexual. Same-sex sexual activity was well-known in the Middle Ages, the end, full stop. The use of penitentials, or confessors’ handbooks, as sources for views or practices of queer sexual behaviour has been criticised (you will swiftly find that almost EVERYTHING used as a source for queer history is criticised, shockingly), but there remains the fact that Burchard of Worms’ 11th-century Decretum, a vast compilation of canon law, mentions same-sex behaviour among its list of sins, but assigns it a comparatively light penance. (I don’t have the actual passage handy, but it’s a certain amount of days of fasting on bread and water.) It assigns much heavier penalties for Burchard’s main concern, which was sorcery and the practice of un-Christian beliefs, rituals, or other persistent holdovers from paganism. This is not to say that homosexuality was accepted, per se, but it was known about, it must have happened enough for priests to list in their handbooks of sins, and it wasn’t The End of The World. Frankly, I am tired of having to argue that queer people existed and engaged in queer activity in the Middle Ages (not directed at you, but in general). Of course they did. Obviously they did. Moving on!

Anyway. Returning to gay knights specifically, the fact remained that if you encouraged two dudes to love each other beyond all other bonds, they might, you know, actually bang. This was worrisome, especially in the twelfth century, as explored by Matthew Kuefler, ‘Male Friendship and the Suspicion of Sodomy in Twelfth-Century France’ and Ruth Mazo Karras, ‘Knighthood, Compulsory Heterosexuality, and Sodomy’ in The Boswell Thesis: Essays on Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality, ed. Matthew Kuefler (Chicago; University of Chicago Press, 2006), pp. 179-214 and 273-86. I have written a couple papers (in the ever-tedious process of one day being turned into journal articles) on the subject of the Extremely Queer Richard the Lionheart, some material of which can be found in my tag for him. Richard’s queerness has been argued over for a long time, we all throw rotten banana peels at John Gillingham who took it upon himself to deny, ignore, or minimize all the evidence, but anyway. Richard was a very masculine and powerful man and formidably talented soldier who could not be reduced to the stereotype of the effeminate, weak, or impotent sodomite, and the fact that he was a prince, a duke, and a king was probably why he was repeatedly able to get away with it. But he wasn’t alone, and he wasn’t the only one. He was very much part of his culture and time, even if he kept running into ecclesiastical reprisals for it. It happened. If you want a published discussion that covers some of my points (though not all of them), there is William E. Burgwinkle, ‘The Curious Case of Richard the Lionheart’, in Sodomy, Masculinity, and Law in Medieval Literature: France and England, 1050-1230 (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2004), pp. 73–85. Also on the overall topic, Robert Mills, Seeing Sodomy in the Middle Ages (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2015). 

Peter the Chanter, a Parisian cleric, also wrote De vitio sodomitico, a chapter of his Verbum abbreviatum, fulminating against “men with men, women with women [masculi cum masculis […] mulieres cum mulieribus]” which apparently happened far too often for his liking in twelfth-century Paris (along with cross-dressing and other genderqueer behaviour; the Latin version of this can be found in ‘Verbum Abbreviatum: De vitio sodomitico’ in Patrologia Latina, ed. Jacques-Paul Migne (Paris: 1855), vol. 205, pp. 333–35). Moving into the thirteenth and especially fourteenth centuries, this bond only grew in importance, and involved a new kind of anxiety. Richard Zeikowitz’s book, Homoeroticism and Chivalry: Discourses of Male Same-Sex Desire in the 14th Century (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2003), explores this discourse in detail, and points out that the intensely homoerotic element of chivalry was deeply embedded in medieval culture – and that this was something that was not queer, i.e. unusual, to them. It is modern audiences who see this behaviour as somehow contravening our expected stereotypes of medieval knights as Ultra Manly No Homo Men. When we label this “medieval queerness,” we are also making a judgment about our own expectations, and the way in which we ourselves have normalized one narrow and rigid view of masculinity.

England then had two queer kings in the 14th century, Edward II and Richard II, both of whom ended up deposed. These were for other political reasons, but their queerness was not irrelevant to assessments of their character and the reactions of their contemporaries. Sylvia Federico (‘Queer Times: Richard II in the Poems and Chronicles of Late Fourteenth-Century England’, Medium Aevum 79 (2010), 25–46) has studied the corpus of queer-coded historical writing around Richard, and noted that while the Lancastrian propaganda postdating the usurpation of Henry IV in 1399 obviously had an intent to cast his predecessor in as unfit a light as possible, the accusations of queerness started during Richard’s reign, “well before any real practical design on the throne […] and well before the famous lapse into tyranny that characterized the reign’s last few years. In poems and chronicles produced from the mid-1380s to the early 1390s, and in language that is highly charged with homophobic references, Richard II is marked as unfit to rule”. E. Amanda McVitty (‘False Knights and True Men: Contesting Chivalric Masculinity in English Treason Trials, 1388–1415,’ Journal of Medieval History 40 (2014), 458–77) examined how the treason trials of high-status individuals centred on a symbolic deconstruction of his chivalric manhood, demoting and exiling him from the intricate homosocial networks that governed the creation and performance of medieval masculinity.

This appears to have been a fairly extensive phenomenon, and one not confined to the geopolitical space of England. Henric Bagerius and Christine Ekholst (‘Kings and Favourites: Politics and Sexuality in Late Medieval Europe’, Journal of Medieval History 43 (2017), 298–319) traced the use of ‘discursive sodomy’ as a rhetorical tool employed against five late medieval monarchs, including Richard II and his great-grandfather Edward II, John II and Henry IV of Castile, and Magnus Eriksson of Sweden. In all cases, the ruler in question was viewed as emotionally and possibly sexually dependent on another man, subject to his evil counsels and treacherous wiles, and this reflected a communal anxiety that the body of the king himself – and thus the body politic – had been unacceptably queered. Nonetheless, as a divinely anointed figure and the head of state, the accusations of gender displacement or suspected sodomy could not be placed directly on the king, and were instead deflected onto the favourites themselves, generally characterised as greedy, grasping men of ignoble birth, who subverted both social and sexual order by their domination of the supposedly passive king. 

None of this polemic produced by hostile sources can be read as direct confirmation of the private and physical actions of the kings behind closed doors, but in a sense, this is immaterial. The intimate lives of presumably heterosexual individuals are constructed on the same standards of evidence and to much greater certainty.  In other words, queerness and queer/gay favourites could not have functioned as a textual metaphor or charged accusation if there was not some understanding of it as a lived behaviour. After all, if the practice did not physically exist or was not considered as a potential reality, there could have been no anxieties around the possibility of its improper prosecution.

This leads us nicely into the deeply vexed question of adelphopoiesis, or the “brother-making” ceremony argued by some, including John Boswell, as a medieval form of gay marriage. (Boswell, who died of AIDS in 1994, published the landmark Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality in 1980, and among other things, controversially argued that the medieval Catholic church was a vehicle for social acceptance of gay people.) Boswell’s critics have fiercely attacked this stance, claiming that the ceremony was only intended to join two men together in a celibate sibling-like relationship. A Straight Historian who participated in a modern version of the ceremony in 1985 actually argued that since she had no sexual inclinations or motives in taking part, clearly it was never used for that purpose by medieval men either. (Pause for sighing.) 

The problem is: we can’t argue intentions or private actions either way. We can understand what the idealized and legal designation for the ceremony was intended to be, but we cannot then outrageously claim that every historical individual who took part in it did so for the party line reason. Maybe medieval men who joined together in brother-making ceremonies did live a celibate and saintly life (this would not be surprising). It seems ludicrous to argue, however, that none of them were romantically in love with each other, or that they never ever ever had sex, because surprise, formulaic documents and institutional guidelines cannot tell us anything about the actions of real individuals making complex choices. Even if this was not always a homosexual institution (and once again with the dangerous practice of equivocating queerness with explicitly practiced and “provable” sexual behaviour), it was beyond all reasonable doubt a homoromantic one, and one sanctioned and organised according to well-known medieval conventions, desires (for two men to live together and love each other above all) and anxieties (that they might then have sex).

The medieval men who took a ‘brother’ would probably not have seen it as a marriage, or as the kind of household formation or social contract implied in a heterosexual union, but as we have also discussed, the definition of marriage in the Middle Ages was under constant contestation anyway.  The church was constantly anxious about knights: their violence, their (oftentimes) lack of religiosity, their proclivity for tournaments, swearing, drinking, and other immoral behaviour, the possibility of them having sexual affairs with each other and/or with women (though Andreas Capellanus, in De amore, wrote an entire spectacularly misogynistic handbook about how to have the right kind of love affair with a woman and dismissed same-sex relationships in one sentence as gross and unworthy, so he was clearly the No Homo Bro Knight of his day). So, as this has gotten long: gay knights were basically one of the central social, religious, and cultural concerns of the entire Middle Ages, due to their position in society, their necessity in a warlike culture, the social influence of chivalry and their tendency to bad behaviour, their perceived influence over the king (who they may also have given their Gay Cooties), their disregard of the church’s teachings, and the ever-present possibility that their love wasn’t celibate. So yes. Gay knights: Hella Historically Accurate.

The end.

[holdinghandswithastatue]

my thoughts on the lorien legacies reborn series [spoilers]

i think it sucked

sorry

i loved most of the characters to bits and they all deserved better (in terms of characterisation, plot)

nigel. oh my god nigel i love him so much

ran takeda deserved SO MUCH BETTER im still mad

the way they hinted at a whole bunch of romances but only made the one i dont give a shit about canon

i really really hate white girl taylor cook

yes, having a white american girl as the main character IS diversity :))))))

isabela is cool as shit and i wish i was her

i love their fleshed out backstories but i wish i couldve heard more

THERE WAS LITERALLY NO DEVELOPMENT IN MOST OF THEM (personally i think the series was cut short bc they all had so much more room to grow)

(it gave off percy jackson movies energy)

it hurts me how the writing hinted that nigel would get his heroic moment but he literally never did 

and then nigel was left with what? his only best friend dead, his parents corrupt assholes and him still not having healed from his trauma- still the underdog

ALSO: NIGEL WAS THE ONLY CANONICALLY GAY CHARACTER (except for maybe daunphen but still that doesnt really count bc its only implied) but they just like. didnt give him a love interest. 

nic was literally right there- that homoerotic moment really hit me and i just read it over and over

ran’s death was really well done but also COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE

if isabela had just told einar to stfu and shoot lucas it wouldve all been over and ran and five would still be alive 

speaking of which, ran and five were a super cute couple/friendship i cant tell but i like their dynamic a lot

five saying that he “actually likes” ran is essentially a confession of love in his terms

caleb. i liked him. but he was so boring and straight. i think his development wouldve been great if they just DID SOMETHING WITH HIM

also idk whether to ship isabela with caleb or daunphen but personally i like to think of daunphen as trixic which is unrelated

caleb literally. had potential. troubled home life. not as bad as the others but he never really stopped being an uptight little bitch

if he had, i think he wouldve been great

I LOVED EINAR’S GROUP’S DYNAMIC

do they have a name? i feel like they do but i cant remember

like... what a mix of characters, i love how they work together

personally i think theyre just the gay friend group

on the topic of einar,

i KNOW i shouldnt love him the way i do but if you didnt want me to love him you SHOULDNT HAVE GIVEN HIM REDEEMING QUALITIES

(same with five)

literally einar’s final monologue hurt me so much even though he nearly did drown nigel in gen 1 but still

“will you- will you finally listen?” yea kill me now 

i really hated how they brought the villain in in the final book. the fuck. who even gives a shit about lucas. no one remembers him

also it feels slightly political to make the main villain a radical christian who wants to convert the earth garde by killing them

listen i could talk about einar all day

i think he and isabela were a great friendship... of sorts

i mean did einar ever really let anyone close enough to him to make friends

but hes just so... S O F T

no hes not 

but he is to me 

ew

kopano really deserved a better gf than taylor

god 

also i wanted to see more of miki

again i will reiterate i think nic and nigel wouldve made a great couple

i keep forgetting theyre all just teenagers and thats kinda painful

einar was just a kid bro 

SO MUCH NUANCE TO HIS CHARACTER THAT WAS NOT EXPLORED

so much potential

hmm am i forgetting anyone?

lets talk about john smith

that man has a hero complex and its really annoying and part of me is really glad he wasnt the one to save the day this time but also i didnt want ran to die so

i think it wouldve been fitting if einar just ended it all since he kinda started the whole fiasco

fuck bea barnaby and her homophobic (and also mass-murdering) ass

the john and marina thing shouldve been forgotten completely no one ships them pls 

they had their one true loves just let them be without an s/o thanks

ella deserved to have more screen (? its a book) time bc she was my favourite character in the original series

OH MY GOD I HAVENT TALKED ABOUT NINE YET

hes the loml

also the part where lucas (in the body of john) rips off his cybernetic arm really hurt me

i kinda wish taylor died instead of ran

kill off the heroic white girl instead: the fifth wave style

john is such a stupid selfish bastard honestly but having a hero complex a valid flaw but still. i cannot deal with his bullshit all the time

writing one line on john and nine reuniting was cruel when you know most of the fandom ships them

also i like einar’s softening up near the end, and treating the group like they were his actual friends 

i wish we couldve seen more of them

i love myself a found family ragtag group situation

even though 2 of them died 

and the other has an inhibitor in his head, gets shocked every 3 minutes and took the fall for everyone

AS HE SHOULD THOUGH, MOST OF IT IS HIS FAULT

but hes just a kid

my thoughts are so scattered

omg stop i think i relate to einar... no..... not the literal mass murderer “terrorist” psychopath

he’s uptight and always needing to be in control

but he feels the pressure of having to be perfect to everyone else, and thus falls apart on the inside

gosh i wish i didnt love einar the way i do

final thoughts (but i’ll probably add even more): ran :’( nigel :( taylor >:( caleb :| einar :’( isabela >:) daunphen :D john :|

i hope no one reads this

[malepresentingleg]

is it 2013 again? cause i have a rant about teen wolf coming and i feel 16 y/o.

so due to dome heavy procrastination I've consumed a lot of teen wolf content, i skipped a bunch of episodes and a lot of scenes in the ones i haven't but i still have some Thoughts TM

it's good??? i had a Good Time watching, it was funny but intense and dark and i felt Feelings watching, some of the plotlines were meh (or maybe i just skipped them heh) but a lot were interesting and i loved the characters and their interaction

scott. my sweetheart. my baby. such a cutiepie, such a great protagonist 10/10 i love him and would die for him. he's so pure and cute and his little smile melts my heart. i love how he's fundamentally Human no matter how non human he is. he's a great character all around and i kinda wish they didn't do that shit to him at the end (imma get there) or treated him like he ISN'T the protagonist for such big parts of the shows

people KNOW. Stiles knows from day one, allison finds out soon, his mom finds out in season 2! the sheriff in 3, and they just become part of the gang and can help them with stuff bc they UNDERSTAND. shows like that get really tiring when the teens constantly lie to everyone around them and it was very refreshing. the running gag with the coach ruining things tho was funny and I'm ok with it.

Ok this is mellisa appreciation time. she's SUCH a great, complex and unusual mom-of-hero character. i absolutely love her and her attitude, i love how she's not simply being used as a tool to cause scott pain (just.. sometimes) and their relationship is parenting goals.

also isn't it fucking hilarious how she's a nurse but she just knows everything medical. she's also a surgeon and a mortician and a doctor. ik it's for plot reasons but it funny af.

in general women on the show.. had a lot of potential, i love them, but i hate how they were treated.

allison was all around great imo, her and scott's relationship was built very well and was two sided from the start (unlike... yeah), she has emotions, she's smart and brave, but also human and scared, she kicks ass and, again, exists outside of Scott's GF status (mostly). andddd they killed her. idk if the actress had to/wanted to leave or it was a pure writers decision bc they needed to keep just her father or something, but that would have been ok if not for all the other things

we have 3 main kickass ladies with powers- lydia, kira and malia. lydia spent close to FIVE whole seasons not knowing anything about her abilities/not knowing how to control them. cmon, it gets old. scott masters his powers after a season or two (and had control a lot sooner), parrish finds out what he is like half a season after it becomes relevant etc.

malia- do i need to explain? she was CONSTANTLY struggling controlling her abilities, no matter how badass she supposedly was. and kira oh boy, they did her dirty, didn't they?

kira was such a cute adorable character. i loved her and her little crush on scott and wanting to make friends and being freaked out about relationships, i love her discovering her past and heritage and learning to fight and gaining control and becoming a badass. but. what? they just undid all this? oh no the fox is taking over she has no control no agency of her own she needs to disappear for years now bye :( again, idk if the actress needed to leave but it was so unsatisfying and was insulting to the character. she wasn't even mentioned later a bunch like allison was, just they needed her mom for a plot tool and didn't even acknowledge it was her sword they were breaking. uhm rude?

LET WOMEN HAVE POWERS AND BE AWESOME WITH THEM. and not just minor/bad characters thanks.

i love the concept of a pack on the show and how you don't have to be a werewolf to be a part of it, how scott becomes a true alpha and how he cares about his friends. i kinda feel like in later seasons him being an alpha was more talk than show which like /: meh. like i said, he stopped BEING the main character, just talked about as if he was.

i love how friendship is valued, but i think it could be more.. i mean the scene in the motel, all season 3b, scott and lydia, all the girls with each other.. i love it. too many times tho it "wasn't enough" and only romantic love worked which SUCKS. in 6a i was so happy scott went in to try and remember stiles and the memories hit me right in the heart. then when it "wasn't enough" i was SO pissed and frustrated goddammit. i guess that leads me to the next point-

ships, should i talk about ships? i don't want hate in my asks but oh well it's been a few years maybe there's no fandom to care. I'll start with the end

malia and scott. what. the. fuck. when, out of fucking no where, they had like a lingering look or something i was just "nope. no thanks". and then every scene they had together i had to cover my eyes bc it felt so wrong and bad and awkward. jesus. no build up at ALL, they're like family, i just. ew. no. it felt way too much like "oh we gotta pair off the leftovers" or "the main character can't end up single" well guess what, he fucking can. it was. god. i can't even explain the disgust. when he needed to heal and all she had to do was kiss him ugh. it felt so fake and empty of meaning. i would 100% prefer for it to be stiles (I'll get there) or his mom who snapped him out of it.

melissa and chris, i could get aboard with that. def cute, def weird af since his dead daughter was dating her son but, well.

stiles and lydia is a ship i have conflicting feelings about. i absolutely hate the concept of "the nerd" is in love with the popular girl since freshman year and he's borderline being a creep ("oh but it's stiles! he's a dork and he's harmless" no.), completely obsessed with her and she ignores him but then they end up getting together.. i mean, it sends a bad msg to obsessed boys about how it's worth it in the end, and it makes the whole relationship feel unbalanced from the start, makes her reciprocation feel unatural. BUT, i have to admit the show did kinda make me warm up to this ship by the end, curse them. it was kinda cute. i wish there was more mutualness before it became such an important part in 6a tho.

just gonna put it out there: malia/kira and lydia/allison. i wish we saw more girl on girl interactions in general but the ones we had were very good, great dynamics.

i won't get too much into it but i.. i don't ship st*rek. i understand why they're the biggest ship (two white hot boys that interact with each other, i mean.), and i see the couple of fan service-y moments the show throws at us but just. they don't have my heart, i don't really care about them. not the characters, the characters i absolutely love! (tho this watch i skipped most of season 1 and 2 and 3a and i think that's where derek is the most asshole.. didn't he do really bad things? idr) idk if you want a bad character on the way to redemption with someone you should ship liam and theo who had way better shippy chemistry imo, even tho their ship probably wouldn't be healthy given their dynamic history, huh.

the ship that does owns my heart? scilies. I'm a softy when it comes to best friends to lovers, and their bond and relationship is just. so. pure. don't get me wrong, i love me a good platonic relationship, but there was just one to many homoerotic interactions between them for me not to ship it, hard. (not to be that person but my guess is that if Scott was white it would have been a way bigger ship, but who knows?) i love their love, i love they would do anything for each other, and i feel like there were a bunch of very missed opportunities for them in later seasons :(

so representation. this feels like a show that is trying to be Woke TM but it's not going so well. the main character is supposedly latino but it's never ever addressed. idc about "oh we want a world without prejudice" you can still fucking address it. i mean they went to Mexico a couple of times, stiles keeps saying "Mexican cousin" i mean. god. give us something. did i mention scott was told he'd make a great "nazi youth" ..

and you don't need to be a genius to see the most characters are very white or at least very white passing. and when you don't address their non whiteness they might as well be..

i already mentioned how poorly i feel kira was treated, but also mason, who is a wonderful character, gets no depth? we know nothing about him other than being gay and smart pretty much.

i also spoke about the women already but, they were really really great women characters, but not enough of them, not enough that lasted.

there's not much to talk about disability bc it just wasn't on the show. the only blind character was healed which. /: same with epilepsy and asthma..

i think the show is probably very proud (ha) with their LGBTQ+ rep bc they're like "oh let's make this insignificant couple gay bc hey nbg". examples are lydia's grandma, La Bete and marcel, i think nolan and jiang were exes and then nolan and gabe were a thing? idr if it was explicit. the couple of girls in the tent.. probably a couple more. it's nice, def better than all random couples being straight but that's not satisfying as rep.

Danny was great. i think he and ethan were.. cute? i think he was awesome, i loved danny so much and was very excited to learn he KNOWS at the end of season 3 and was waiting to see him join the pack. instead he fucking disappeared?! wtf. #WhereDidDannyGo

brett was cute rep, especially being bi but i feel like it could go into the insignificant pool which, again, is better than nothing.

mason and corey i just don't have strong feelings about. they were definitely cute and I'm glad they were together, i love mason A Lot. i think this relationship could be explored more, or at least the characters could be explored more to give this relationship more depth.

very interesting how there's no wlw canon couple, not even hinted. just fan servicey hot malia kira dance which /:

not to mention transgenderness. god can you imagine the interesting plotline of transitioning while being a werewolf 0:

i think the rep i was most happy about was ethan and Jackson. even tho i don't think there was build up or clues in the first couple of seasons, I'm happy for the actor who i know was struggling with coming out publicly, and it was very fun and refreshing for the ending. even if we got very few scenes with them the dynamic was 10/10

the biggest problem is obviously stiles. i just don't understand why, if they're so supposedly progressive, they went to that length to queerbait without following through. the whole gag of wanting to be attractive to danny and to gay guys, the whole "aww danny want to have sex with me that's so nice", the whole "do you like guys too?". it's a gag. his alleged bisexuality is the butt of a joke, and it pisses me the fuck off. they don't have to make it a big deal or have him get a bf for it to be official. it wasn't subtle subtext. it was a CHOICE. to put a spotlight on his sexuality but not deliver. -100/10 would not recommend.

also they could talk about his mental health more.

and about Scott's, please and thank you.

and everyone's.

i had some more feelings, like villains changing sides without getting a proper redemption and having no consequences, the wholesomeness of the sherriff and mellisa being each other's kids second parent eichen house (wtf??), and more, but i think i wrote enough for now.

tl;dr- good show with A Lot of problems, will always have a place in my heart bc I'm a nostalgic gal.

[popculturebuffet]

OK K.O.! Let’s Be Heroes!: You’re Everybody’s Sidekick Review

OK KO was easily one of the best animated series of the 2010′s and i’ll stand by those words. The brainchild of Ian Jones Quartlery, voice of Wallow in Bravest Warriors and more importantly former head writer for Steven Universe, and current longtime romantic partner of that series creator Rebecca Sugar. That part isn’t AS important, but I still find it sweet.  Anyways OK KO was the story of K.O., a 6-11, not my own laziness for once but the show’s own way of doing age, year old boy who wants to be the best like no one ever was. In this case i’ts being a hero in a world that’s basically like if someone took the marvel universe and smashed a retro game collection and a pile of manga on top of it and then blended up the result and shot it full of gamma rays. Full of heroes of all kinds ranging from those fighitng crime to those who just want to loiter outside strip malls or cut hair.  To achieve this goal KO gets a job at Gar’s Bodega, the combination of your average bodega (for those unfamiliar with the term, i’ts a convience store) and a video game item shop, so the slurpee machine is right next to the power ups and ninja stars, and everything from skateboard polish to Spread Guns is avaliable. The bodega is owned by Mr.Gar, a mustachiosed muscle man whose basically a shoutier mexican version of MIke Haggar but with shades and a mustache. So a somehow better version of him, though with him being busy watching over the plaza itself, doing secret hero missions and what not the day to day operations are left to two teens: Rad, a muscle bound dude bro alien with telekenisis and a secret heart of gold and Enid, a cynical, slacker ninja whose also bilogically a witch because her parents are a vampire and a werewolf. So the series follows these three as they run the boedega, grow as people and fight the robots that frequently attack the plaza sent by the evil Lord Boxman who hates the place literally because it’s there and it’s existance annoys him. This is the canon explination and it is utterly hilarious.  The series was funny, had great character work, decent ongoing stories, great jokes and a fun tone that could go from meaningful and well thorught ot utterly batshit from episode to episode and was sadly canceled after 3 seasons because Cartoon Network is kinda stupid right now and dosen’t know how to handle a superhero show that still makes action a priority, but it did get a solid ending, a slew of great crossovers and a decent amount of representation under i’ts belt.  WHich brings us to today and the start of RED ACTION WEEK: A week dedicated to the series most prominent gay character and the bisexual ninja witch who loves her. I’m covering all 5 of Red’s more prominent apperances... I was just going to do the red/enid episodes but decided this was a better introduction to the series itself, as well as the fact it allows her character arc to better tie together by her final episode, which directly uses this one as a major plot point. I also threw Plaza Prom in there since, even if she’s only a supporting character, it’s still one of her few major apperances, is part of her final major episode, is one of my faviorites, and the climactic dance fights is one of the most intentionally homoerotic fight scenes i’ve seen in some time. With all that out of the way, let’s do this after the cut. 

We start at Gar’s Bodega, just after the opening two parter, with KO starting his first day of work, part of the reason this episode is a fairly smooth introduction into the show. Not even in the door he accidently shoryukyn’s joe cuppa, a stand up comedian with a cup of coffee in the big time for a head... I told you anything goes and I meants it.  After that accident, we find Enid at the counter, ignoring the customers before shooing them away and when KO asks for work, plays along with his enthusasim and tells him to clean the store.. which he does in minutes, before being told to sort the penny dish, and while he does the two discuss KO’s love of helping people: KO just genuinely thinks that’s part of his job, the right thing to do and feels good while Enid.. dosen’t feel it’s worth the effort and people are just generally ungreatful and not worth it.  I really like this scene for showing off their character dynamic beautifully: It starts showing that while at this stage Enid is largely an asshole, she does care about K.O. and while he’s cleaning, despite usually turning customers away, still let’s Ginger, an elderly patron and one of KO’s mom’s dojo customers, not only check out but pay in freaking pennies. It shows that try as she might, Enid really isn’t a cyncial or heartlesss as she claims. It’s also nice setup for later in the season as, and as i’m sure Ian Jones Quartlery and crew were preparing for, we later DO see why Enid hates people so much: her best friend, possibly more, Elodie, who i’ll certainly be covering eventually, betrayed her for a spot at Point Prep, basically UHA or Xavier’s for this world and claimed their friendship was just a ploy (It wasn’t, but again, story for another time), while her one date with Rad went terribly due to him acting like a huge jackass at the advice of his even bigger jackasses of friends. It’s easy to see why she stopped carring: When she opened up in the past it only lead to her being hurt and alone. K.O.... is the opposite. He genuinely belivies in everyone and tries to help them because, as said above, it’s just what he does and what he belivies a hero should be... he hasn’t been hurt or influenced by assholes like his friends, and thus is able to get them to open up. It’s a wonderful dynamic and I love it.  And naturally, KO is determined to help Enid see the light, with Enid responding with the wonderful line “You’ll never melt my icy heart”... give him a few more episodes Enid, give him a few more episodes.  So K.O. Decides to set out helping people, shouting about it to enid back at the store as he does because he’s 6-11 and kids in that age range are many things, but subtle is not one of them. He starts with Geoff and Nick Army, a monk and gay duke nukem reflectivity who despite having polar oppositie personalities, are both a couple, as confirmed by the creative team and then the finale, and a crime fighting duo who are having a dispute over opening a pickle jar with the good old ultra violence or non violence, which KO solves by letting both do it once, which results in a pickle jar explosion, both men in their underwear and everyone happy, especially the shippers.  KO continues his quest, going to Logical Cuts where we meet Mr.Logic, a robot who has a rather moving and well done backstory we’ll certainly get to, and is voice by James Urabanik, aka the voice of Rusty Venture on the venture bros, to my utter delight. And yes i’ll be covering the venture bros eventually, and might be this month. His customer, another one of KO’s mom’s regulars, is upset because her haircut isn’t right while Mr.Logic is upset, well as upset as a monotone robot can convey, that his usually 100% mathmatically perfect haircuts are off. KO pitches in and the new result is perfect, with both being greatful. 

KO’s next stop on his good will help people crying for help tour, after the above bit of wonderful art shift as that version of ko moveds like a south park character for some reason. Anyways, it turns out best friends, co workers and the dante and randal of this show, i.e.two best friends working a dead end job who despite arguing a lot need each other, A Real Magical Skeleton, self explaintory and Greg, a bear, are having an argument because RMS is trying to do their job and frame a baseball for a guy while Greg is being a dickhead and playing the drums constantly. As you can probably wager, I do not like Greg, probably more than rusty, partly because a future episode has him making KO doubt his macaroni art gift for his mom so he can eat it, yes really,and partly because he’s less intresting than his buddy and yet the two are shipped frequently despite my honest assumption they’d kill each other.. much like if dante and randall finally banged. However if you do ship them, I have no hostility with you. Unlike say loudcest or shipping sam with lincoln over at the loud hosue, there's nothing wrong with RMS X Brandon, it’s just not for me.  Anywho KO solves it in the hilarious and awesome manner of just putting Brandon inside one of those baseball cube things... it’s a shame he apparently gave him air holes but whatever. Proud of himself, K.O. plans to head back when he runs into the Ally Teens: Red Action, rude teen warrior from the future who just had a bad haircut, Drupe, a sentient strawberry because of course, and Greg, Drupe’s nonbinary best friend and combination of one of the bone cousins and Woodstock. K.O. offers to help and , with the trio being huge steaming bowls of elephant piss at this point, they instead trick him into waiting in a lava flow and then have drupe whip him every time the lava causes him to cartoonishily jump in the air.  Yeah despite both Red Action and Drupe going on to having supporting roles, like our good pal tom, who I will get back to this month, there isn’t nearly as much wiggle room in their first apperance. With Tom Lucitor, he was a dick.. but you could make the case, even just off that ep that he genuinely dosen’t know HOW to be a good person or that what he’s doing is sketchy at best. Here, it’s fairly obvious the ally teens know setting a child on fire and using vine whip on him super effectively is wrong, that’s why their doing it. Red, being that special brand of asshole, posts it on social media. I mean posting a video of yourself hurting a child, that’s Tucker Carlson level’s of dickery right there. Stone cold. Enid sees it and is understandably concerned, and goes over to see if KO’s allright when he returns and is forced to explain to him that no they weren’t laughing with him, they were laughing at him and were just being dicks. Also he wasn’t in lava, it was magma. It was above ground. 

K.O. glumly wonders why and Enid reitrates this kind of shit is why she dosen’t help people. K.O. also wonders how she saw it and we find out Enid is basically facebook stalking red action on her social media, as you do, and that Red’s been on a bit of a tear lately, smashing up shit and farting in Geoff’s face all because she got a bad haircut, with K.O. , likely going thorugh more of her posts, realizing theirs a pattern: When bad things happen to her she lashes out at others.. just like Enid. I do like the parallel there: Enid likely has a crush on her because the two are fairly similar.. but Enid runs cold and tens to be standoffish as a result of her past, while Red tens to take out her anger and frustration on everyone else and runs red hot. But they come together because opposities attract... it’s what noble laurite MC Scat Kat taaught us after all.  K.O. however, having Steven Universe level’s of empahty and an equal sense of wanting to help, and just as few boundries as he had as a tween, decides that it’s clear the ally teens have underlying issues to adress and gets Enid help to look at their social media. Returning to the ally,and seemingly unphased by earlier, K.O. sets out helping them, starting by helping red get her haircut fixed by Mr. Logic. Red is adorably delighted. Moving on K.O. notes that Drupe basically just follows Red’s lead but has a fashion blog and clearly an identiy of her own and we soon learn she believes no one reads it. K.O. showed it to the not at all ambigiously gay duo and Geoff and Nick thank her> That’s two blushes and two wins in K.O.’s court.  Finishing up, K.O. realizes Gregg stays quiet because they have low self esteem and feel they have nothing to be proud of. K.O. however found lots to be proud of and framed Gregg’s valdectorian certificate for him, again with some help from earlier.  Instead of graditude red just calls him weird and leaves and KO slumps back depressed. I’ts a good lesson though: people DON’T change just because you did one weirdly kind thing for them. That takes time.. as we’ll see with Red and as we see with Drupe, who has less of an ons creen journey but is far nicer after her next apperance. While Enid is grossed out over having helped someone, Gregg comes in.. and after some great deranged animation thanks K.O. and Enid admits after some prodding that it does feel good to help, and K.O. is happy to have helped her int he process. The two playfully mess around as the episode ends. Final Thoughts: This was a really good one. Reaching back this far into the series, I didn’t think it’d would be nearly as good as it ended up: It serves both as a good proper introduction for a lot of the plaza regulars, a good setup for Enid’s character arc, and was also really funny with great animation. LIke Tom, I don’t think the creators knew exactly what they were going to do with the Alley Teens and thus take the two they end up focusing on in opposite directon: Red keeps her assholishness for her next apperance and grows from it, while Drupe’s drops off by the end of this season, likely due to her fashion blog taking off, but we’ll get into Red more in a review or so and Drupe more later this month.For now this episode was good and next up we have their next apperance in Plaza Prom. Until then, follow this blog for more reviews and nonsense, like and reblog it if you enjoyed this, hit me up with asks for review suggestions or comssions and until next time, later days!

[ladyanatui]

Do you think any non canon ship might become canon in last kizuna? I kinda wish Takari/Koumi would so I can rest in peace but seeing how tri didn't confirm shit baited and left them all up to interpretations I highly doubt we will. Waited 20 years for nothing.

Okay, because my original post about LEK ships was about 65% joking, I’ll be serious in this response.

Honestly, I don’t expect any ships to become strictly canon. Even the ships that are canon probably won’t get much screen time, purely because that’s how shonen anime/manga works.

What I legit expect is basically how tri operated: Hinting at things but never bringing it to the forefront and focusing instead on the main duo (Taichi and Yamato). Digimon has always focused on bromance over romance, like pretty much all shonen, and I don’t expect LEK to be any different.

It also depends on whether the creators are retconning out the epilogue or not, which has been majorly under speculation based purely on LEK’s plot. For the record, I assume they’re not and will instead hint at things/relationships mentioned in the epilogue, like how tri hinted at Yamato becoming an astronaut.

But to what extent?

So here are my legit relationship predictions for Last Evolution Kizuna:

Focus will be on Taichi and Yamato’s (homoerotic) friendship, like it pretty much always is. Taiyama lovers (like myself) will be very happy, even as they cry over the whole damn movie.

Sorato will be understated at best. While tri left me wondering if they were together or not at all, I do expect LEK to give the barest hints to them being in a relationship (more than “oh look! they’re coming from the same direction at the same time and look vaguely dressed up–they were on a date!”), but there will be absolutely no focus on it.

Kenyako will be hinted at via small almost-intimate moments of Ken and Miyako interacting. They’re not dating, but it’s written as a possibility for the future. They’re only 19 after all and she’s been in Spain, so I doubt they’ve had much interaction recently, aside from exchanging a few emails and maybe phone/Skype calls.

Koumi will either still be in the flirting/pining stage or it may be hinted that they’re dating. I could go either way on that prediction, but based on how big of a feature it was in tri and how incredibly close they’re standing/interacting in the poster, I doubt they’ll just ignore this ship.

Takari will be basically non-existent as far as romance is concerned. They have a very close friendship that is perhaps more intimate than is strictly platonic, but they have not crossed that barrier. Maybe Takeru is still a player/flirt like he was in tri, maybe he’s cooled down on that front, but either way, they’re not together. The intimacy will give Takari shippers hope and general fodder for fics/fanart, but will also leave them disappointed. Sorry!

And as for the Taichi/Meiko thing that was hinted at during all of tri…yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re just going to write out Meiko with no explanation. It’s been a couple years in verse, so that’s totally realistic, and a large number of viewers disliked her (and tri in general).

…

And then we run out of girls.

And it’s shonen.

So no homo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m definitely not mad about that.

What does everyone else predict?

[subsequentibis]

wait i want to know about the fifa dating sim

ok so. with the understanding that this is Not Serious and is just me n my gf saying whatever will make the other person choke on their current beverage and wail about how terrible we are. our bayern-centric fifa dating sim.

RIGHT so basically this all started bc it was brought to my attention that one of the fifa games has a STRIKE PARTNERSHIP function where you like. choose a real-life footballer to partner up with and use mass effect dialogue trees to flirt with them and build Chemistry off and on the pitch to improve your skills or something. and one of the options is thomas mueller so. here’s me finding out about that:

ANYWAY. me n my gf were pitching a game that on the face of it seems like a fifa clone but in reality none of the physical stats matter, just the Friendship stat, so if you don’t form close relationships with your team members you’re gonna Lose really hard. the only team you can pick in our game is bayern munich of course. all your dialogue with other players will be Intensely Homoerotic but cut off juuuust before it gets around to anything Real - like a player will say “wow. i’ve never felt closer to anyone else than when we play together. you’re like the missing piece i never know i’d lost. anyway great practice i’m gonna go home see you monday”

where stuff really started going off the rails was around this half-remembered conversation:

gf: and there’s like a bit where you’re at a bar with one of your teammates having a drink, like you and lewandowksi are having pints and really bonding

me: yeah, and then oh my god, like a group of fans of a rival team come in, and they just start attacking you, and lewy fends them off,

gf: but then you get kicked to death

me: yeah they just kill you

gf: and you get a screen of all the players looking really sad because you died, and then the stats for the rest of the season, but they’re demoralized because you died so they probably lose

so, we decided several things after that:

1. the bar fight scene can happen at any time in the game and it’s completely random. it could happen three matches from the end. it could happen before you join the team. it could happen on the start screen. Watch Out.

2. the fight is INCREDIBLY hard to win. like near impossible to win. you will almost certainly be kicked to death in that bar.

3. instead of a group of fans of a rival sports team partially bc bayern does not really have an Actual Rival per se since 1860 is in the like... third league i think the people who attack you in the bar are a bunch of mysterious cloaked figures. they’re part of a secret cult that has been following you around since your birth, but only want you dead now that you decided to play professional football. if you survive to the end of the game you get an ending cutscene where you’re Wicked Old and looking back on your long successful life, and flipping through a bunch of old polaroids, and then you realize these cloaked figures are hiding in the background of all of them.

i THINK if you somehow defeat the cloaked figures you find out they were like. Bayern Stars Of Years Past who think you’re going to destroy the team and that’s why they’re so good at kicking but i’m not sure if that’s canon or not. anyway.

then we were like, okay let’s figure out how the friendship meter works. first we decided that certain dialogue options will Immediately tank your friendship to Zero and even make it so that you can never talk to the player again and they’re absolutely NOT intuitive in any way. like someone might say “i’m gonna have tuna soup for lunch” and your options are “oh yum” or “ew gross” but if you say yum the player is Disgusted because that was a TEST they were testing you and they actually hate tuna soup, and now they think you’re gross. the art style for the game is usually a kind of cutesy pixel art thing but when you Disgust a player you get a heavily detailed closeup of them being Disgusted at you. like they do on spongebob sometimes. and then a sound of effect of them walking away and closing a door and then it comes back to the cutesy pixel art of the room you were in and they’re just not there anymore. sometimes if you Disgust a player they open the door and let the cloaked figures in and watch them kick you to death.

there is no visible friendship meter so you don’t reaaaally know how close you are with any given player, but once you have half friendship you can go to their house and pet their dog. if a player has a dog they are ABSOLUTELY in the game. if a player does not have a dog they will be assigned a dog so that you can pet it. a lot of time, money, and development will be poured into the dog-petting minigame. i just made up those last three things they are not gf approved but somehow i think she’s okay with them.

honestly most of the time we spent talking about this dating sim was dedicated to determining where, when, how, and why you could be kicked to death by cloaked figures. it was VERY funny to us at the time. anyway ask me next time about the fifa body horror game we were gonna make.