whatsthekink

[whatsthekink]

WE'RE STILL ALIVE!

Hey folks, Steve and Vex here

We just wanted to let you all know that we're actually still around!

We know it's been quite a while and we're sorry for kind of vanishing. We had a bunch of stuff going on in our lives and as most of you know, life ain't always all that streamlined and this little blog got a little lost along the way.

BUT, we're gonna try and get back to posting and answering your questions!

And we're not coming with empty hands, we got some new ideas for our blog. We are determined to give this space a little rework to provide you with the best quality education we can provide.

Let's not drag this out any more than needed, here's the spice for you guys:

1. Unfortunately, Vex's original account got sacked (which didn't help with getting things rolling but it is what it is) but now they are back as @angrytree !

2. For the sake of accessibility, visibility, consistency and navigation we have developed a few concepts for both your asks and our bigger posts. We'll be reworking the tags so you can find and filter stuff more easily, and our posts will be updated. For this reason we will be taking down our old posts, so you might see some things we've had covered again. (We will also be making a new pinned post so be on the lookout for that since it's gonna include some new stuff that may be important). Don't worry though, all of your asks will stay right where they are, as well as the stuff we reblogged.

3. We are promising a safe space for people in or around the kink/fetish community and considering the intimate nature of the things we address we felt it was necessary to protect people's privacy more than we used to, so we decided to use a new service for submitting post suggestions and asks that is completely anonymous and encrypted.

4. This one is not set in stone but we are toying with the idea of creating new graphics for this blog. We're not sure yet if that means completely changing the style of this place or just a few adjustments but keep an eye out, you may find some new visual touches here and there!

5. We quickly want to thank all of you who stuck around, read our posts, reblogged our stuff or sent us their kinky questions. This blog isn't just made for you but also with you. We hope you keep asking questions and we hope we can keep working on this blog for us all to enjoy.

I think that's all so far. We're pretty excited to start rolling out our new plans and hopefully you are too.

See you around!

[whatsthekink]

Hi! A gal I've been fooling around with has a knifeplay kink and I keep procrastinating when researching it to make sure I'm not doing anything dangerous, so I figured I'd ask if you have any resources to throw my way in case I continue to procrastinate. For the record, the few times we've had a knife in bed it's been a dull pocket knife and I've been pointing the sharp side away from anything vital when it's nearby, figured those were the base safety things I should do.

oh boy, knifeplay is a whole bag of beans if you want resources it's generally never a bad idea to just punch "[kink] resources" or "[kink] guide" into your search engine of choice you will probably find a blog or two with valuable articles on the topic you're looking for you'll likely also find some helpful discussions on forums or reddit posts

would be better if you did that quickly, knife play is one of the spicier kinks and can get fairly dangerous if you handle it poorly (get it, handle?) i'll give you a list of my personal safety tips so you know what to look out for but remember that being informed is vital to BDSM, especially with the riskier kinks i mean it, inform yourself well

anyway, here's the list:

as a beginner, it's better to use something knife-like rather than a real knife so you can get a feel on how to handle such a scene first

if you really want to use an actual knife, make sure you use either a fixed blade (preferably a full tang knife so the blade can't wobble) or if you use a folding knife it absolutely must lock in place

if the blade doesn't lock it can hurt you and your partner unexpectedly

do NOT use a serrated or jagged blade, even an improperly dulled blade can be jagged and cause mean tissue damage if you use cuts during knifeplay/bloodplay

if you dull a knife you should know what you're doing, reason stated above

the shorter the blade the more control you have over it, so better go for a smaller knife (but also don't ever use a karambit or similar curved blades)

daggers or other double edged blades are dangerous and not worth the risk

ensure you are not in a compromised position when handling a knife. if one of you tumbles, slips or falls you risk having an accident

make sure you communicate how both of you act when a blade is involved first. if the bottom in the scene thrashes around too hard it could also cause issues

it's not a toy, don't wave it around

if you cut your partner out of their clothing, point the blade away from them (and watch your hands and face while doing so)

the knife should be dry when handled so make sure it's not covered in lube or bodily fluids. also make sure your hands aren't too sweaty to interfere with your grip

put the knife in a safe spot, preferably sheathed or otherwise covered, when it's not in use

you have to know how to treat both smaller wounds as well as larger/deeper ones and have all necessary materials for treatment at hand (doing a first aid course is always a good idea)

rule above is for both aftercare and in case of an accident, because: accidents can always happen. knifeplay with a real knife is never 100% safe

and finally: know when to seek medical attention

very deep wounds, jagged wounds, continuous bleeding after applying pressure for a while, any gaping wounds need proper treatment or you will regret it

wounds on head, face, hands, joints and genitals should be at least closely monitored if you don't seek professional aid immediately

stay safe, friend! -steve

[whatsthekink]

whats the point in edging?

What's the point in any kink, really? But really getting into it, depending on the dynamic, it can be anything. Punishment, reward, just for fun.

vex.

[whatsthekink]

[whatsthekink]

So like….how do I find a dominant? The only people who seem to be interested in me are obvious scammers, and I don’t feel I have enough experience to have anything to offer even if I could fucking find them

Have you checked out Fetlife? You can find local events and munches! Its probably the best way to find people in the lifestyle.  don’t be put off by the lack of experience you think you have, learning is part of the fun!  Vex

[whatsthekink]

Its always okay to tag us!! Probably a big self plug but we're constantly posting more stuff about BDSM and are always open to questions!! -vex

Are there any sources or books you recommend for learning about BDSM

Sure! Though my all time favorite Sadist and Leather Daddy of my dreams; Daemonumx has an entire list she put together. She is a BDSM and poly couch and sex educator that I very much look up to and recommend.

Here is her list X (please read the warnings some are dd/lg which isn't my thing personally but from what I have read on the topic it isn't as horrid as it seems, just not for me)

My personally favorite BDSM book that really helped me understand what it's really all about/ the vibe is Coming To Power. I also like this blog. There is even a blog here on Tumblr I really like @whatsthekink (I hope it's ok to tag you lol) that has alot of good information. The movie Bloodsisters: Leather, Dykes and Sadomasochism (that used to be on YouTube but I can't find it anymore) was life changing for me personally. The Ultimate Guide to Bondage, is also a great book on the list! Also strange as it is there are some great forms on FetLife that are useful, such as the blood/edge play forms (tho its like reddit dont read it like a Bible). Basic medical research is also good to keep in mind aswell.

Most of Daemonumx recommendations are going to be more Lesbian/Queer based. I know Daemonumx has a vine called FIST that has essays written by transwomen on BDSM too. Personally I haven't found to many resources on trans masculine/ transmen books. Plenty of gay men books but rare to see T4T relationships.

So keep in mind these books and resources can help guild you but they are not the end all be all. What's important is what's right for you and your partner. This just helps you stay safe, mindful and maybe give you some sexy ideas you might want to try! I hope this helps! 💗

⚠️Also disclaimer I am not a sex educator I'm just a guy who plays, so idk, really listen to the actually educators more then me LOL (if any real sex educator wants to add or correct this post please feel free!!)

[whatsthekink]

I find that after I orgasm is the one time I *don’t* need aftercare. Oftentimes I find I need aftercare for life, as it were.

Aftercare can be anything from a fist bump to snuggling on the couch watching netflix.

Please be wary of sub abs Dom/me drop though!

[whatsthekink]

younger subs (18-21 year olds) or new to kink subs, please make friends with other subs. please talk to people who aren’t potential partners about your kinks, please create safety nets for yourselves, please don’t let doms hold too much power over you. it’s easy to miss red flags or to misread them as part of the kink, having other subs to check in with can really help you be less vulnerable to manipulation or coercion.

[whatsthekink]

Friendly reminder that if you're new to kink please seek out education, community, and resources around BDSM outside of just your partner!

[whatsthekink]

i think i like getting degraded cuz that feeling after crying feels nice? been trying to figure it out myself. cuz its like, not all the time? some random dude does it, ew. my bf tho? so hot

Ooh yes. That feelings nice, it's like a release.

The same release can be found through spanking or just a rough fuck.

Please make sure you're safe and get the correct aftercare as this can get unhealthy quickly. Also make sure you set limits and have open communication.

[whatsthekink]

Why do I like being degraded? It is hot but confusing.

You could ask the same question about most kinks. Some things just get us going!

Personally, I love being degraded. It's probably one of my biggest kinks. As long as this is done consent and you're enjoying it, then have fun!

Sometimes we think too much about why and how but honestly, sometimes just kicking back and enjoying it its better than worrying about it.

[whatsthekink]

When are people going to admit that being hit is just abuse and not consensual? How can you even like it?

first of all, let's make the basics very clear so I'm gonna whip up a definition of the word "consent" for you.

from the Merriam-Webster dictionary: consent (noun): compliance in or approval of what is done or proposed by another

and that's all there is to it. if people give permission to another party to inflict pain on them or anything else of that sort because it gives them pleasure, that is consensual. period. that is literally how consent works.

you do not get to make this decision for others and you have no right to judge others for what they enjoy.

ironically, the only non-consensual thing here is the implication of your ask. nobody has to admit anything here.

it's okay if being hit is not up your alley but that doesn't mean you have to spoil the fun for others.

if you want to criminalize the entirety of the kink and fetish community, you will have to find a different place for that. we do not tolerate that here.

it's rude and inconsiderate, and frankly a little sad too. let people have fun.

peace -steve

[whatsthekink]

I think I'm a brat but I also feel like I'm being rude...

Oooh, one of my favourite topics!

There's a fine line between being a brat and being rude. Like, it all depends on your dynamic and how your relationship works.

For me, personally, my favourite word is ''no'' and my favourite phrase is ''make me'' but it's important to know when to use them. Using them in a directly insulting and disrespectful way is just rude but playfully? That's another thing.

Bratting to get a punishment or to get a reaction is something that's generally fine but again, it depends on your dynamic. You want to have this conversation with your Dom/me so you know where each other stands!

-vex

[whatsthekink]

whats the point of ruins?

Depends on the kink/your dynamic! For some people, they're used as punishments but for others, they're simply used as a bit of fun. They can be used in many different ways but honestly, it's really up to you.

-vex

[whatsthekink]

why do people like pain i dont get it

In short, it's what turns some people on.

Endorphins are a powerful thing and sometimes triggered when being spanked or consentually hit in an other way.

As a masochist I feel I can give a good perspective on this topic but honestly the only answer i can come up with is "haha pain make me go brr"

-vex

[whatsthekink]

Why does anal hurt so much? I want to enjoy it but damn, that shit hurts.

Lube lube and more lube!!!!!

Make sure you're not just sticking things in without stretching your ass first. It's a tight muscle and if you don't start small with fingers or what's known as training plugs you're going to hurt yourself or rip something.

Take your time, this sounds be fun and not painful!

-vex

[whatsthekink]

What's the difference between ruin and edging? Sometimes I get confused a bit

Edging - getting to the edge of an orgasm and stopping/masturbating but not having an orgasm

Ruins - masturbating and stopping mid orgasm so the orgasm is ruined.

-vex