#so yeah. my home life is just over stimulating so my dad being home for 4 days for a holiday

[foxgloveinspace]

U might b sleep deprived please nap

Lmao, no trust me, I slept from 10 pm to about 3 am and then from 3:30 am to about 9 am (so about 10ish hours?). Not to mention I did nap yesterday from from about 6:30 to 7:30.

I just had a very overstimulating weekend, but thank you for checking up on me🖤

[hargrove-brainrot]

| Rainy Night |

🌶a (slightly) angsty billy hargrove x fem! reader🌶

i thought i would give y’all another smut, this has been sitting in my notes for a while. i went back through and edited some things, but i wrote this a while ago so don’t be surprised if there’s any weird wording 💀

⚠️WARNINGS⚠️:

descriptive smut, thigh fucking, breast stimulation, (protected) sex, hints & mentions of abuse, a little angst

as always, don’t like it? keep scrolling! don’t spread hate 🦇

SUMMARY:

you stumble across billy on your way home from dinner with your friends. he’s not in good shape, and he’s clearly gotten in another predicament with neil. you bring him to your place, dry him off, give him comfort and a nice warm meal. however, there is one more thing you do for billy to help him feel better.

………………………………………………………

it was late at night, and you were driving back home from the restaurant that you and your best friends, robin and steve had just eaten dinner. you guys talked and teased about whatever drama you had in your lives or at school. you guys then walked around the shops and explored until it was dark. 

it was raining that night. it rained pretty heavily too. you felt glad to be in a car, even though it wasn’t in the best shape. you drove past billy’s house, which was relatively close to yours. you then eased your foot on the brake as you pulled up to a stop sign. 

you just so happened to glance at the bus stop beside you. there was someone there. you kept staring for a second, trying to see who it was. the rain drops on the car window made it hard to see, but the figure looked familiar. hang on, you thought, that’s… that’s- billy?. you rolled down the window to see who was there. you were right. your boyfriend, billy hargrove, was sitting all by himself in the pouring rain.

“billy!”, you shouted. billy looked up from the ground and saw you. all he heard was your voice, and relief flowed through his veins. “i’m turning around” you shouted again. you jerked the wheel to the side and made a U-turn towards his side of the street and sprung out of the car. you ran over to him at the same time that stood off the bench.

“billy, are you okay?” you worried, “you’re dripping all the way to your toes”. billy looked down at you, a fog of sadness and exhaustion in his eyes. his already puffy eyes dwelled up with tears until they began to fall.. “yeah”, billy rasped, his voice quivering. “really?”, you asked sarcastically, as you stepped closer to him, “don’t lie to me, b”. 

you ran your hand over his cheek, and rubbed it with your thumb. billy’s face curled up with sadness at your touch. “hey”, you soothed, “it’s okay baby. you can talk to me”. you then felt a small bump under your thumb. billy’s face scrunched as you touched it. you looked closer and found a red streak on his cheekbone. “…what happened?”. billy’s face was blank until he hugged you close. more tears streamed down his face as he whimpered. “i’m sick of this”, his voice trembled. “i know baby, i know”, you said calmly, gently running your hands through his wet curls, “let’s go back to my house and get you dried off”.

billy never opened up like that to anyone. billy and his dad never got along for as long as you had known him. he hadn’t felt real comfort since childhood. but little did billy know, years after that, he would find that feeling again. he would find you. it was hard for him to open up to you about his feelings, but he loved you. he loved you beyond being his girlfriend. he wanted nothing but to be with you,

always.

                     ……………………………….

after you got to the house, you two jogged through the rain. you then made your way to your bed, and set your things just inside your bedroom door. “wait right here, i’ll get you a blanket and some neosporin”, you said to billy before walking into the bathroom. billy plunked down on the mattress, as he felt grateful to have you in his life.

“i’m back”, you cooed. you placed a soft, warm blanket next to billy on your bed. you then squeezed a dollop of neosporin on your finger for billy’s mark. “i don’t need that” billy chuckled, “it’s just a scratch”. “yes you do. it’ll stop the pain”. you gently smeared the gel on billy’s wound and rubbed the excess on the skin around it.

after that, you peeled open a band aid stuck it on billy’s face. “see, all better”, you crooned. you pecked billy’s cheek with a gentle kiss. “thank you”, he muttered before hugging your waist, “you don’t have to do any of this, you know”. “shhhh, yes i do”, you hushed. you gently stroked billy’s wet curls out of his face as he looked down at you with a warm grin. “i love you” billy purred as he pulled you up to him for a gentle kiss. “i love you too”, you cooed after you two eased your lips off of his.

you went over to your closet and tossed on any comfortable shirt and sweatpants you could find. you then pulled out a pair of billy’s sweatpants and a hoodie of his that he gave to you a while back. “here”, you said, stepping out of the closet, “change into these”. 

“you’re practically dripping” you remarked. his jeans had become a dark blue color, and his button up shirt was nearly see through. part of you thought that was hot, but you didn’t want him to get sick. “yeah?” billy questioned, licking his teeth afterwards. “billy, you’re gonna catch a col-“. you were cut off by a strong, dominant kiss.

“you’re wet too, babes” he groaned, as he attempted to slip his hand under your shirt and up your back. “you don’t even have clean clothes on”, you chuckled, “and i didn’t mean it like that”. “well, i do”, billy flirted “i won’t need these clothes”. the way he said that gave you goosebumps. once again, billy smashed his lips into yours as he began to shimmy his shirt off, nearly ripping the buttons. 

“babe, we just got in the door”, you paused, “what have you eaten today?”. “uh, well i had the waffles-“. “-after that”, you cut him off again. billy stayed quiet after that. “exactly” you snickered, “don’t be stupid, b. come pick something to eat”. you grabbed his wrist and led him to a barstool at the kitchen counter.

“whad’ya feel like eating?”, you asked, “i could make you a sandwich, or leftover pasta from last night”. “i’ll have the pasta”, billy said, once again smirking at you. you turned around and opened the fridge. you pulled out a small dish of pasta that was wrapped in plastic and scooped some out on a plate. you then placed the small plate in the microwave and clicked the door shut.

billy couldn’t help but stare. he imagined your pretty little ass bent over in front of him begging for more friction, even after several rounds. he imagined your needy cunt dripping lube and seed as it rubbed against his hard. all these thoughts made his cock throb.

“billy… billy!”.

billy looked up at you after he snapped out of the daydream he was in. “shit, im sorry”,

he said. “the pasta will be ready in a second, go grab a plate and fork”. billy stood up from his bar stool and walked in the kitchen. you felt him grow near, so you turned around.

“are you gonna grab a plate or-“. before you could finish, billy kissed you roughly as he mashed you against the counter. your hands glided over his chest without thought. “forget the pasta”, he groaned, “i can’t hold back anymore”. billy slipped his tongue down your throat once more before fully ripping off his shirt. “i can’t either”, you moaned into his mouth as you continued to spoil each other with kisses.

“bed” billy grumbled as he kissed you again. all you could do was nod before billy harshly gripped your ass and thighs, sweeping you off your feet. you could already feel your lower stomach coil with arousal, and he had barely done anything.

you moaned into billy’s mouth over and over (so did he) as he carried you to your bedroom and tossed you on the mattress. billy used the back of his foot to kick your door shut. his hands danced all over you as he continued to kiss you. you squirmed underneath billy to try and create friction, groaning and whining softly while you did so. but it would be hard, because billy was strong. 

billy usually took his time when you two had sex. he made sure to spoil you before and after. he always gave you the most mind-numbing, toe-curling head before (and sometimes after) things got penetrative, and you gave him the same. 

billy pulled his face away from yours and began to pull off your shirt, revealing your lace bra. he paused for a second before he moved down to your pants. billy looked down at you with that same “can i keep going?”, look that he always gave you before continuing. you simply nodded. after that, billy kissed you gently and passionately, taking his time with the kiss. “you’re so beautiful”, billy murmured against you before tugging at your sweats.

your breath hitched in your throat as billy pulled down your pants and brushed over your clit through your panties with his thumb. “oooh”, billy purred, playing with the fabric, “these are new”. “i picked them out just for you”, you breathed back, “do you like them?”. “fuck yeah i do, but you’d look better without them”. after billy impatiently kicked off your panties as billy pulled them aside.

billy looked down at you from above and smiled. “god”, he breathed, “you’re so fucking sexy”. he held you up in front of him with one of his strong hands and unclipped the back of your bra, allowing your breasts to sling out. billy licked his lips as he stared down at your bare body, imagining all of the things he was going to do to you. he then yanked his belt open and unzipped his pants. he pulled his boxers and pants off together and tossed them to the floor. “told you i wouldn’t need these clothes”.

“shut up” you snickered, blushing a little. “i’m gonna tease you now”. billy leaned you up against the headboard and slipped his hard between your thighs, nudging it at your clit. he let out a groan as he began sucking your breasts, while snapping his hips forward and backwards. 

“mm-“ you squeaked. billy picked his head up from your chest and gently placed his hand on your cheek. “shhh, just relax for me baby”, he cooed, slowing down his thrusts. you let out a small breath as you opened your mouth and sucked on billy’s thumb. that action nearly threw him over the edge already. he let out a deep growl before sucking your breasts again (this time harsher) and speeding up his thrusts. 

the thought of what would come after this drove you nuts. you couldn’t help but ponder how good it felt to have billy fully inside you. you thought of all the lewd things he would mutter into your ear, and the sound of his deep, guttural moans. you remembered the the way billy bit down on your shoulder every time he came, as you clawed your nails into his back while you had an intense orgasm. having these thoughts was nearly enough to throw you over the edge. 

your clit was so sensitive. it felt like all you would need to do is blow on it and you would start convulsing. the vibration against your breasts from billy’s grunts and moans felt incredible, and had you on the edge the whole time.

billy could tell you were close. your hands squeezed his curls on the back of his head and leaned your head back, exposing your neck. “hahh~ billy”, you breathed, “c- close”. billy stopped thrusting and pulled his member out from between your thighs. “not yet, baby girl”, he groaned into your ear, “not until i’m inside you”. billy pulled the small drawer of your nightstand open and pulled out a condom. he tore it open with his teeth and pulled it down onto his hard, making sure to do it in front of you. 

after billy had protection, he laid you down beneath him on the mattress. you relaxed your head onto the squishy pillows before billy kissed you passionately. “i thought we needed lube”, he purred, rubbing his throbbing cock against you, “guess not”. your breath hitched as you smiled against his skin. he then positioned his hips and lined himself up with your entrance. “are you sure?” he asked, smirking a bit, “i don’t wanna hurt you”. you nodded back, “please billy, f… fuck me”. billy kissed you gently, longer this time. he poked the tip of his cock with your entrance and slid into you, immediately hitting your g- spot.

both of you moaned into each other after billy thrusted into you. one of your hands tugged at billy’s thick curls while the other dug into his back. billy harshly gripped your hips and made a second thrust. he then buried his face in the crook of your neck and sucked the skin as you held his head gently. he continued to pump in and out of you as he ran his hands up your sides.

“oh~ yeah-“ you managed to word despite your jaw being locked open, “please…”. “what do you want, mama?” billy gazed down at you, his face barely an inch from yours. “h… harder!”, you whined, already cock drunk. “i’ve been waiting for this“. his moans and panting increased in volume as his thrusts became more repetitive. the sound of clapping flesh became more clear, your hole stretching out from billy’s width. your body wobbled forward and backwards, making the bed creak a little as billy rutted into you. 

billy groaned against you, making your skin tingle. his thrusts had become a bit more sloppy as your sweet bits squelched with wetness. billy held his breath before whining. you moaned back, already knowing what he was about to say. “i’m so fucking close- princess~”. you squealed as you arched forward, burying your face into billy. you were dangerously close to having an orgasm. your clit became more sensitive as your hole was pulsing in pleasure. 

billy’s upper lip and nose began to twitch as it always did before he came. he felt embarrassed by it since it was uncontrollable. to you however, it was adorable. your moans became more breathy and repetitive, as your orgasm was just around the corner. “billy!~ im gonna cum, im gonna cum!”, you squealed. billy rested his forehead against yours. 

“atta girl“, billy grunted, his thrusts becoming more intense, “cum for me- like a good girl~”. he was cut off by the sensation of your orgasm squeezing down his hard. your orgasm hit you like a truck, making your toes curl and your mouth loll open. you let out one last moan, your nails digging into billy’s shoulders. with just a couple more thrusts, billy looked down at you dearly before releasing. he let out a hoarse moan before latching his mouth on your shoulder. you grunted at the pain, but you enjoyed it. 

billy unlatched his mouth from your shoulder and kissed the skin there. he gave your neck a couple more kisses before letting his body flop beside you. he then pulled the condom off of his sensitive member, wincing at the feeling. he tied it off and tossed it in your small bedroom trash can. he then flopped back down and pulled you onto him, letting your head rest on his chest. you pulled the loose sheets over your back and huddled up against billy’s chest. billy rubbed his hands up your back and down your hips gently and kissed the top of your head. 

“so…” billy mumbled, “y’think the pasta’s ready?”. “shut up”, you giggled. you rested your head on billy’s chest and relaxed your entire body. soon enough, you were drifted off to sleep. billy grabbed a cigarette out of his denim jacket and lit it, taking a whiff of it through his mouth. he relaxed and eventually drifted off to sleep with you.

—————————————————————

THANK YOU FOR READINGGGGGG!!! ✨

if you liked this, follow me if u want >:D

[thebisexualdogdad]

Half way to New York - Nancy Wheeler x M!Reader

Two days ago you and Nancy graduated high school and being that in the fall you would be starting at different colleges, Nancy at Emerson in Boston and you at NYU a few hours away you decided to make the most out of your summer.

Your cousin who also attended NYU lived off campus and had offered to let you spend the summer with them to help you adjust from a quiet town like Hawkins to the busy city life that is New York before school started.

"Are you sure you should be driving to New York? It'd be much safer and quicker if you kids flew there instead," Nancy's mom nervously asks as Nancy packs her bags into the trunk of your car.

"We'll be fine mom, it'll only take two days to get there and I will call you from our motel room tonight and again when we get to Y/N's cousin's apartment in New York," Nancy assures her.

"And this car is gonna make it 700 miles?" Her dad asks you.

"Don't worry mister Wheeler my dad and I took it to the auto shop and got everything checked out we're good to go," you tell him.

Her mom hugs her tight and slips an envelope of cash in her jacket pocket, "just in case, that car looks like it won't even make it to Ohio."

Nancy shakes it off and you guys get in your car, her waving at her parents while you drive off.

You drive six hours to Pittsburgh, singing along to the cassettes you brought and taking the much needed bathroom and snack restock break halfway through at the gas station.

Prior to the trip you decided you guys would feel more comfortable driving 6 hours over two days instead of 12 hours in one day so when you arrived in Pittsburgh you grab dinner from a homey looking diner before heading to a motel you saw coming into the city.

Luckily they had a room available so you grab your bags and head inside.

Nancy calls her mom on the motel room phone before taking a shower and then you do the same.

When you step out of the bathroom Nancy is lying on the bed, flipping through the basic cable channels on the TV.

"Anything good on?" You ask, putting your dirty clothes in your bag.

"Nope, the most exciting thing on is the news," she says.

You climb into bed with her and she cuddles into your side, laying her head on your chest.

"I told my mom our room has two beds," she chuckles.

"Yeah my mom asked me the same question, for some reason I don't think she believed me," you laugh.

Nancy is mindlessly rubbing her thumb across your stomach, sure you two had all summer but in a few short months your relationship would become long distance so why not take advantage of the time you had left together.

She tilts her head up and kisses you slowly, not taking long for the moment to intensify.

"You brought protection right?" She asks.

"That was my brother's contribution to this trip," you chuckle, "he got the extra big box for 'maximum fun'."

"Go get one," she says, biting her lip.

You get up and dig around in your bag, pulling out a condom from the box and returning to the bed.

Climbing on top of her, you remove your clothes while making out and eagerly explore each other's bodies.

She cums once from you going down on her, your chin covered in her arousal as you kiss your way back up to her lips.

Nancy moans at the taste of herself on your tongue.

You put the condom on and raise her hips in the air, loving the way she's glistening from her first orgasm.

Slipping your cock inside her Nancy desperately grips the pillow above her while you firmly hold onto her waist and begin steadily thrusting into her.

"Y/N," she moans, chest arched and her breasts bouncing.

You move hastily purely out of habit since you didn't exactly have a lot of alone time while living at home so you were used to needing to make it a fast experience but your cousin had a very active social life so you knew you would have plenty of time in a empty New York apartment to go nice and slow with her.

Nancy is playing with her own breasts, giving the extra stimulation she needed for her second climax.

Her legs are wrapped tightly around you as her body twists and shakes in pleasure.

With a few more thrusts you're cumming too, nails digging into her hips while you do.

When you catch your breath and heart rate returns to normal you pull out of her, taking the condom off and tossing it in the trash.

Nancy goes to the bathroom to clean up and you guys settle into bed, this time with the intent of actually going to sleep.

"You know the shower here isn't actually that bad, maybe we should shower together in the morning before we hit the road again," you say playfully.

"I think that sounds like a really good idea," she giggles, kissing you chastely before falling asleep in your arms.

Truthfully you didn't know what the future had in store for you and Nancy once college started but you were damn sure you were going to make this the best summer ever.

[horrorslu7]

Can you make a gunnar albright x reader smut pls no one ever writes ab him

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING! I really hope you liked how this turned out. (And hopefully send more requests for Gunnar because I love him.)

Stress relief.

Summary: You haven't seen your boyfriend Gunnar in quite some time, obviously you respected his space but when he invited you to hang out at his house you jumped on the opportunity.

Pairing: Gunnar Albright x fem!reader.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of disappearance (?????)

Your boyfriend could be kind of peculiar, in general, but specifically with the way he reacted to things.

Obviously you couldn't blame him. He was going trough a hard time on his life and you just wanted to support him however you could.

If only you knew how much he wanted to spend time with you. But his parents, especially his mom, insisted that he maybe waited to bring people over.

I mean don't take it personally though, his parents loved you but after the "disappearence" of Esther they just wanted some time alone to deal with it. Especially Allen, his dad.

Gunnar texted you everyday though. And when his parents told him they had a work trip for the weekend, he was very happy.

His parents left on Saturday pretty early, after saying bye to them and closing the door he immediately texted you not wanting to waste any time.

You were half asleep when you read the text but as soon as you really realized what it said you got ready and left your house as fast as you could. You really missed him.

Once you got to his house you looked at yourself on the reflection of your phone off and fixed your hair before knocking. As soon as your hand knocked the door, he opened and pulled you in by the back of your neck to kiss you.

He closed the door behind you while still kissing you and when you two broke the kiss after a few minutes you giggled looking at his eyes. "Missed me?"

"You have no idea." He said smiling before kissing you again, his hands went from your neck and face to your waist and hips. "My parents aren't home." His voice started to sound raspy when he talked in between kisses.

"Yeah I figured." You answered smiling. "Had any plans for the day?" He smiled at you before answering your question.

"A few." He left a few kisses on your neck before guiding you to the living room. Once you got there he pushed you onto the couch as gently as he could while being partially blinded by the heat of the moment.

He got on top of you and started to basically rip your clothes off. You were completely dumbfounded staring at his face, maybe you were biased but to you he was the prettiest person on earth.

After he got rid of your clothes he started with his own with your help. You got rid of his shirt and pulled him in by the shoulders for a kiss. He took the opportunity to take off your panties, which was the last thing you had on, he started circling your clit with his fingers while his mouth then started to go down your body leaving marks on your neck and chest.

"I'm gonna mark you up so everyone knows who you belong to." He said with a breathy voice while you closed your eyes enjoying the moment.

Your hand went from tugging his hair softly to leaving scratches on his back. Between the wet kisses, hickeys and the stimulation on your clit you felt as if you were about to explode.

"Gunnar please, I need you." You said in between moans breathing heavily.

"Oh I don't know. Are you sure you're ready, pretty girl?" He asked knowing damn well you were ready but wanting you to beg for him.

"Yes, please!" You begged while bringing your hips closer to his crotch.

He smiled and kissed you fondly before finally penetrating you. At the beginning he started slow wanting to tease you and enjoying seeing how you closed your eyes from the pleasure but after a few minutes he started to pick up his pace.

His hands went to your wrists pinning them down while his mouth went to your neck biting, kissing and marking it once again.

You rolled your hips meeting his pace. Between the kisses he left on your neck and how you clenched around him you two started to be closer to orgasm.

He picked up his pace once again and after a few more minutes you two came at almost the same time.

After that he left a kiss on your forehead while you smiled with your eyes closed and then he layed beside you having one of his arms under your head and the other on top of your belly caressing it slowly.

"Stay the night with me." It was partially a question but mostly a command, but you didn't mind.

"I would love to." You said looking at him with a smile.

[lurena15]

Before JULY 12, 2013 

Chapter 1- Before leaving 🇩🇴

I was born in the Dominican Republic and grew up there till I was 11 years old. I played and made friends, and my whole family was within walking distance, it was home. I remember as if it was yesterday how I felt being there. Before then, my house was full of beautiful Caribbean furniture, a spacious kitchen, and comfortable bedrooms with a touch of ceramics. It was my favorite house we ever lived in and the only one that robbers didn't get into, I felt safe. My dad left for the United States when I was only 4-months-old. I remember my mother always working hard since I had a memory, and somehow she always managed to have time to be present for me at the young age of 22. To this day, I asked myself how she was able to do all that as a 21-year-old doesn't even know how to handle life at the moment. My dad always traveled back and forth throughout the years, even more after my little sister was born. I remember when all this process started, when Obama changed the law of being able to bring your family to the United States in 2 years instead of 8. My dad married my mom right away and started the process of the petition.

I remember walking to the photo center to take my passport photo, which I hated, and then after I didn’t even think about until the passport arrived how real this was becoming. As an eleven-year-old, it was exciting to see a passport. It was just like the movies. I looked at the passport every chance I had because of the thought of traveling, but little did I know how much it would change my whole life in a matter of a day. My family was excited that we were finally going to be able to live together with my dad, but at the moment the excitement blinded our reality. I often thought about leaving my friends and leaving my family but at the same time, I wanted to sit on an airplane and look out the window. 

As time went by, the day of the appointment arrived. We woke up at 4 am to get to the place at 5 am to get a good place on the line. Suddenly, we were at the American embassy waiting for our appointment to get our visa. As an 11 year old These are the kinds of stuff you don’t stress about because you don’t know what’s going on rather than “yeah I am leaving with my dad, finally”, but seeing my mom and my dad not being nervous had a pretty good impact as to how I was feeling that day. As we went inside and saw so many people, it was very over-stimulating for me because a lot was going on. We were seated, and we waited for an hour to be called. Finally, it was our turn. They only asked my mom three questions, and we got our visa approved. We were all so happy because it was a very nerve-racking experience.

The goodbyes were getting closer, and the hugs were going to be distant. I know I am supposed to be happy because after years, we are going to live with my dad all together, but leaving my family and my whole life felt bittersweet.

July 13, 2013 

Chapter 2- The day of 🙇🏽‍♀️

After being so afraid that the goodbyes were getting closer, hugs being distant, the day finally came. It was bittersweet. On one hand I was happy that I was leaving and finally being with my dad and all of us together, but on the other side I was scared to start a new life. New language, new friends, the word new was basically my life at this point. I woke up feeling like everything was surreal. The morning felt colder than ever. Everything was so quiet, I was trying to take it all in that this is the last time I am living in this house and the last time living in my country. I was helping my mom get all the maletas together, trying to get everything in place, making sure we didn't forget anything, because after we leave through that door we are not going back. As we were doing the maletas, I noticed my mom was trying her best not to seem sad or worried, but as the older daughter you always know when something it’s not okay or something is happening. I could not imagine what she was feeling because she was leaving her mom and siblings behind, as I was traveling with her and my sister which gave me comfort. When we got our documents, me and my best friend were googling airplanes of how they looked inside and how it worked,, you know things kids do nothing too serious, and I was so excited that I was going to get into one but I didn't realize how was going to feel after I board plane. 

On the way on the airport🛫

On the way there, everything started to sink in. We usually take the same route to go to the beach, but sadly this time was not like that. There was the exit to the airport, before getting there, It was me, my mom, sister, aunt and best friend who took us to the airport, believe me if the whole family was able to go they would’ve, the closer we were getting, reality was starting to hit me even harder than I thought.

This car ride was the saddest yet most exciting ride I’ve been on. As a kid of course I am excited to get on a plane and travel, but also as a kid you don't know how to grasp the reality of the situation or even comprehend the drastic change that was coming. When we got to the airport, we went inside, took all the luggage out of the car, and then started walking in. As we were checking in we realized it was time to go through immigration which meant it was going to be the last time we were going to see our family for now. I remember being in the line, and our family was there watching us. As we got closer, we all started to cry because at that exact moment everything hit like a brick wall of brick.

My emotions were all over the place. On one hand, I felt really happy that we were going to be with my dad after 11 years of him going back-and-forth, but it also meant that I was going to have to leave my mom's side of the family. At first I felt guilty because I was supposed to be happy that we were finally leaving after waiting two years to get our documents settled, but when reality was settling in, I realized that things were never going to be the same. I vividly remember almost everything that day, I remember my outfit. I remember going through security, everything being so new the intensity of the situation. It was time to board the plane, and I was so excited that I was jumping up and down because it is a new experience as a kid and still to this day, I think airplanes are really cool, but the second that a plane took off, the only thing I was able to do was shed a tear because I was leaving my safe place and it felt like I had to start all over again.

Chapter 3- The first week 📅

After leaving, which was already hard enough, my first week was when it started to get real. Once, I noticed that I didn’t have anybody here. Any friends or any family members, I felt like a blank canvas. Not being able to speak the language, and not having familiarity with my new home felt out of place, but at the same time I did not want my parents to feel like I was being ungrateful. After we settled into our new home, it started to sink in that we were never going to be able to see our family every day like we used to, and It became a routine of crying overnight and everyday.

Sadly, this is where my depression started. It was first crying nonstop, but then it became more severe as time passed. I stopped eating normally like I used to, I did not have the energy to even get out of bed and even talk with family. I did not know anybody. I felt so out of place because I couldn’t even communicate with other kids as a kid when you have a sense of familiarity and control of what you know. It was extremely difficult to get used to change because I felt out of control of my life. Everything felt unbalanced and all over the place. Not being able to even recognize the streets to get back home if I go out, which was a fear of mine to get lost which caused me to not leave the house for a whole month since I landed in New York, everything just felt so unfamiliar, and out of place.

After a month went by, I started to go out with my family instead of staying home after my mom convinced me to do so because she was getting very worried about how the change was affecting me. We went out to buy groceries in Manhattan, and it was around Harlem, which was full of Dominicans, and it almost felt like home having my people around and made me realize that there are others like me here as well. Being able to feel comfortable speaking Spanish because everyone around me did, gave me a sense of home, at least for an hour and a sense of familiarity. 

A month after arriving 🐛🦋

I was starting to get familiar with the area I live in. I was more comfortable going out and speaking with others since the majority of people around my neighborhood are Latinos. I was about to start middle school soon, and that was something that I was extremely nervous about. Millions of questions were going through my head, “will people like me? Will I make any friends? how am I going to communicate with anyone if I can’t speak English,” but deep down I knew I was going to get through it.

The start of 7th grade📚

After starting middle school, I started to get more comfortable, specially after I met my best friend Aricel, we started talking about where we were from and we are both Dominicans and from there we started to find things in common with each other, she started to show me around and walk with me to all our classes since we were in the same class. After that I was feeling more comfortable with everyone around and started learning more English. Fast forward to the end of seventh grade, I was transferred to a more advanced class for next year since I was more advanced in terms of speaking and writing English.

Middle school was definitely the start of a new beginning. I started to be more open, and more comfortable with this new life I was experiencing. I started going out more, I was making new friends, and getting more knowledgeable with the language too. There were harder days than others where I would  miss my family in general, but life here wasn’t so bad anymore. I am grateful for my best friend who was the person that made me feel welcomed and was always with me so I wouldn’t be alone, and till this day she still is my best friend, and it is one the most beautiful friendships I formed during a hard time. 

Chapter 4- Today 🎀

High School Graduation- 2019

How did it shaped me as the person I am today

When all of this happened to me, the last thing on my mind was that one day I'll be able to tell this story as a way of how it is possible to grow through sudden change, and how it shapes you as an adult. Writing about my experiences gave me a new perspective. As to how I felt back then, somehow speaking about it now and pouring my feelings made me process some of the things I went through. Before writing this paper, I believed that what happened to me was one of the worst things ever. As a kid this kind of change can be very unbalancing and very all at once and can be difficult to process. 

This experience is a big part of who I am today and how I see the world now. While it affected me mentally to leave my family and come to a new country, I also realized how resilient I am and capable of adapting to my surroundings. Coming to the United States at a young age gave me the opportunity to learn English faster and a little bit easier than an adult probably would. I was able to make friends once I started middle school, and I felt more comfortable living here. I learned English within a year, which was something I was extremely proud of and still am til this day that I was able to grasp a new language that quickly, even though I was still shy and a little embarrassed of my accent. 

Dealing with my accent / New language

Dealing with my accent is something that I still struggle with because I used to think it made me sound less “American” which back then was a big deal. Now that I am grown all I can say is how proud I am to have my Dominican accent and to keep my identity even through another language and how unique it is that my accent shows that I am capable of speaking another language. Now I am more confident when speaking and expressing myself, especially when I see other people speak English proudly with their accent makes me feel even more proud because there are more people like me in that sense. 

Besides that, something that I was not aware of is how different culture is when you move somewhere else. Now that I’ve been living here half of my life I have noticed that I often practice two different cultures. For example, when I used to live in the Dominican Republic, on December 24th it was “Noche Buena” or Christmas Eve when the family would gather together, eat tons of food and light up fireworks and sit outside and drink while the kids run around playing, this is something I terribly miss and hopefully one day I can expend a December in my home country. The difference here is that on this day December 24th, I noticed people don't do much, instead, Christmas is more celebrated than Christmas Eve people stress more about presents and having to go shopping for everyone as to us we are very family focus on these days and we find it more important to celebrate another year together and blessed to be alive. At first, this was a cultural shock for me because I noticed how different it is in the Dom. Rep where people are more focused on family and going out as here it is more about presents and Christmas. 

The last thing I would say that’s different from here and in the Dominican Republic is the lifestyle. Since I moved to the U.S, it has become my current living country so it is more focused on going to school, working, and more of a daily routine which was the norm when I lived in D.R. except for working. Now every time I go to the Dominican Republic, it is more of a vacation to spend time with my family. Now that I am an adult, I have more freedom to go alone and explore my home country and visit places that I was not able to go while living over there. I can say that I am very proud of where I come from, my people, and my culture, and very proud of how it shaped me into the adult I am today. I am very grateful to my parents for never forgetting about our culture, our norms and language. One day, I hope I can bring my culture to more generations. 

Both of these pictures were taken by me.

Location📍: Dominican Republic

[mineofilms]

Fitness Tips: 2023

Fitness Tips: 2023 My History in/with Fitness, specifically WEIGHT-TRAINING…

From the time I was 13 till I was about 25; pretty much everyone that knew me or knew of my reputation in the SWFL area would praise me for my weightliting efforts. Not just the look but the numbers I could throw up for a small statured person. I was never even challenged in powerlifting till I went to State in my high school run and I still fared better than most being in the Top 5 twice out of 3 years in the state of FL. When I got older drinking, chasing girls, working with bands, film school, computer systems/networking school, took up a lot of my time; but when I finally got back into fitness I was going the bodybuilding route, due to the amount of weight I put on over the years. I didn’t know much about bodybuilding or using weight training to lose weight being into powerlifting most of my life. I was partying heavily and on ever OTC (Over the Counter) supplement I could find.

I was taking a heavy stim preworkout and drinking with it sometimes. Between all that my body decided to go into a diabetic state that just progressively got worse. I couldn't manage it. I still cannot manage it. The reason why I think the supplement had more to do with this than the lifestyle is because that is the great common denominator. I was always living this life. When I started adding these stimulant preworkouts is when I started to have problems and my dumbass just kept doubling down, like CNN on a given broadcast lol.

Eventually, my lifestyle was too much for my diabetic state and my body crashed several times over an 8 year span. Now I have even more problems. When you look at pics from those earlier years of my diabetic state you can see what my body was actually doing. It was literally eating my insides out from the inside out. Almost like a parasite would operate. First it went for all my fat reserves, then it started working on my physical strength, then it literally started to eat away my muscle mass. I was 188lbs in early 2012, by mid-2012 I was down to 150 lbs and even got down to 138 a year or so later. Sure I was working out, I wasn't dieting all that much but had choose better quality of foods. 2013-2014 my body leveled off a little because I eased up on the drinking; but that only lasted a year before I went back to hitting the bottle hard along with whatever female was around at the time to keep me, um, “occupied.” I was still taking heavy stim preworkouts. I was hospitalized in 2017 for an infection on my right middle finger. They wanted to chop it off, I wasn’t having any of that, nope... Then Covid happened. I got Covid halfway through the pandemic and it aggravated my diabetes to such a level that my body went into ketoshock and I had almost died. I have had serious and complex issues ever since.

So, yeah, if you look at pics of me from 2014, I am ripped, six pack, shredded but my strength was way down and getting worse. Now since I quit drinking, the drinking was making my condition worse, I was able to get my weight back up to around 157-162 on a given day. So, not ripped anymore but still pack a good punch. I am somewhere between fit dad bod and a natural bulldog look. I am happy with that. If I had a car and a better money situation I would be at a controlled environment like a gym. Right now I am training in my @home Garage Gym Life with what I have to work with, which is a decent setup for home gym. With the weather down here it is hard for me to really get after it. I cannot handle the heat very well anymore and the garage is not insulated. It gets hot in there even when it’s only in the 70s-80s. It will feel like 100+ in there. I have had to condense my training efforts significantly.

Some of you have ask for some general tips. So here are some…

TIPS: Some of this might sound basic as fuck but it’s important:

1)   Consistency – A steady balance of: Diet, Rest, Training and Repeat. All of these are equally difficult but Repeat is the hardest. You do not have to train every day. Actually you shouldn’t train every day but you should train 4-5 days a week and hit at least every body part once or twice pending on your schedule.

2)   Eat a well-balanced diet. If you want your body to grow you have to feed it. Protein based foods. You can never fail with meats and veggies people. No matter what all the articles, YouTube channels, professionals say about diet. You have to eat protein based meals. You cannot replace food with shakes. Shakes are not a meal replacement but are meal enhancements. You drink a shake with your meal if the meal doesn’t have the protein you need to sustain both muscle repair and muscle growth. You can/should have a protein shake or a BCAA drink after your workout. There is no magic number here. You need 60 grams of protein for breakfast alone to sustain muscular growth. You will have to look up what your bodyweight/height, all that stuff, and find a number that works for you per meal that triggers the body to respond to this stimulus.

3)   You need to rest your body. Your body grows/loses weight during rest/sleep. Do not short change yourself in that arena if your plan is to grow more. Your brain and body both need rest, so sleep… Even losing weight, the body needs to rest to repair what work you did to it.

4)   This goes back to consistency… Repeat… If you do all this you must make it habitual. If you are constantly breaking your routine of diet, rest, exercise and skip the repeat button your results will show this.

5)   Do not over train. Over training is a real thing but what “they” do not tell you is what that actually means. Over training simply means your diet/rest are not matching your effort in the gym. You might go in the gym and bust ass for 3 hour workouts and that is fine but you have to do both rest and eat at that same intensity or your body will not build upon itself as you expect it will.

6)   If your body feels flat, tired and your results are becoming hindered, most likely that is because your body isn’t getting enough nutrients and rest to match the breakdown of your body in the gym. Be mindful. This is the one single reason people quit their fitness journey. The science is real, however, it is not a one size fits all and trainers/coaches will treat you like it is, it isn’t, everyone is different. Everyone’s body is different and what triggers their own stimulus is different. It is a trainer’s/coach’s job to sell you on the premise that you cannot achieve your fitness goals without their help/guidance. That is only partially true. You can absolutely get in shape without paying the obscene amounts of money that trainers/coaches charge people. Especially in group training establishments. However, not all coaches/trainers are like this and you personally may need that extra help. Just know that this is doable on your own if you are willing to put in the time, energy, research, diet, rest, exercise, attention, acceptance, repeat onto yourself. It is more than just projecting this on yourself. You must actually DO IT… No level of belief will do this for you. You must comply and do the work or nothing that is wanted will be achieved.

7)   Look up split routines. Look up HITT training. Look up Hypertrophy or the process of how muscles are broken down and built back up. Look up the differences for training for power, endurance and growth. All 3 are different but share common attributes. They are also not all mutually exclusive.

8)   Supplements… Be careful with these. If you are gonna use supplementation do your research. Most supplements and/or companies are not regulated by the FDA. They have labels, sure, but what is on the label is not literally monitored by the FDA. You may buy protein and realize the protein has a bunch of fillers in there to make it taste better, but may be a substance that your digestive tract cannot process. I would also stay away from Stimulant based preworkouts. They make you feel great, but what they do not tell you, in a lot of cases, they are using one of like 30 different chemicals that are considered and/or in the meth family tree. You are not ingesting literal meth, but it will pop you as a positive drug test for meth. This is because your standard drug test for meth covers ALL of the whole family of meth-based-chemicals. Not all of them are illegal but they are still considered “meth.” You have to get a comprehensive drug test done so they can see the exact chemical make-up of what is in your urine/bloodstream. It costs more so they do not usually do that. Also if you are taking drug tests regularly you should bring in all the supplements you are taking and let the lab people see it for themselves. I almost got into trouble with probation when I was on probation because I got popped for meth and had to bring in the supplement I was taking that had that meth-family-chemical in it. That is how I know this lol. You can use protein freely for the most part. Plant based is better on the gut than others. There are all sorts of things you can take that are good. You can use a non-stim preworkout or just get Beta-Alanine which is the reason why most people take preworkout to begin with. Just do your research and do not trust that the supplement companies have your best interests in mind. They don’t. They just want you to buy their stuff. If that stuff hurts you or causes sickness or worse they will not help you or even show they care. ALL supplement companies should not be trusted with your health, but you can use supplementation to help garner a better diet and workout recovery. Just do your homework and research on the chemical make-up of the substance you are putting into your body. You should be mindful and doing this anyway…

9)   If you want better workout tips follow some of these channels and/or mine on YouTube. I can recommend a few. My channel mostly just shows some creative workouts you can do but I do not cover a lot of the things I have mentioned here. That is why I put this together for you all. You can always message me with your questions. I am not taking clients because to be honest I cannot give you what you really need and that is time, attention; plus I cannot literally monitor what you do on a given day.

Me – https://www.youtube.com/@mineofilms ATHLEAN-X™ - https://www.youtube.com/@athleanx BodyBuilding.com - https://www.youtube.com/bodybuildingcom BroScienceLife - https://www.youtube.com/@BroScienceLife FitnessBlender - https://www.youtube.com/@fitnessblender Tiger Fitness - https://www.youtube.com/@TigerFitness Mike O'Hearn - https://www.youtube.com/@MikeOHearnTitan

Hope this helps…. Mineo (pronounced Mini-O)

Fitness Tips: 2023 By David-Angelo Mineo 1/13/2023 1,918 Words

[watermelonlovershigh]

Recalling Your First Time Dry Humping Harry (SMUT) /blurb/

AN: originally, this was going to be just a normal blurb where i wrote how Harry & Reader dry humped for the first time but i realized as i was writing it, that it sounded as though someone was reading it from a book or diary and that's where i got the idea to turn it into a fictional piece of the readers diary.

This story contains: mentions of sex, dry humping, orgasms, making out

{ boyfriend!harry - present-day husband!harry - present-day dad!harry - insert from readers diary }

word count: 950

Reading from your diary, you recall your first time dry humping with your then boyfriend Harry and now husband Harry.

It honestly happened in the heat of the moment. Harry and I were fresh into dating. About three months or so. We had just finished up watching a movie on his sofa. The living room was only lite with the low hues of a lamp. I somehow ended up straddling Harry's body while he sat in an up right position. At first, we started kissing like we always did. Gentle and soft touches to the others lips. But then Harry took the brave step and decided to add a bit of tongue.

I remember internally freaking out but also felt like my whole body was on fire. It was the hottest thing I'd ever done. I was very inexperienced at the time. Only ever kissed Harry and had never went further then a simple kiss. But his tongue felt so natural in my mouth. It didn't feel intruding or gross. It was warm and inviting.

Harry knew I was not ready for anything too sexual yet. He knew I was waiting for the right time. I'd told him I wanted him to take my virginity, so that wasn't a question in his mind. But he just didn't know how far was too far or what I did feel comfortable with. And when I started subconsciously dry humping his lap, Harry pulled back from the heated kiss and looked me directly in my eyes.

Harry asked me what I was truly comfortable with and I told him as long as it's not actual sex or mouths near our lower regions, than I felt fine with anything. So that lead to me dry humping his hardened cock, on his couch, at twelve o'clock that night. I rocked my hips back and forth, over his skinny jeans and we each moaned into the others mouths. Me because the sensation felt great on my clit and Harry because the pressure I was applying to his clothed cock.

We went back to making out. Harry cradling my face with his big hands. Me holding onto his muscular shoulders for stability. Our crotches grinding into each others. It felt so good. The best I'd ever felt in my life. My mind went dizzy and it felt like I drowning in a puddle of sexual euphoria and we weren't even naked.

Eventually, our making out turned into more so heavy breathing into the others mouth. Neither one of us could concentrate on the movements it took to actually kiss someone. When our faces were only an inch away, Harry and I just stared into each others eyes. Eye contact that could kill. And for some reason, though my face started to squint and scrunch up due to my clit being stimulated in my jeans from dry humping Harry, I wasn't getting embarrassed. It made me even more aroused seeing Harry watch me being pleasured in front of him. Or on him I should say.

The eye contact slowly diminished when Harry couldn't keep his head up anymore and it started falling back on the sofa. His hands fell down and Harry grabbed onto my hips, helping me to grind with rhythm. I remember I wanted to be close to him again, so I fell forward gently and pressed our clothed chests together. Then I laid my head on Harry's shoulder and closed my eyes, breathing heavy.

After a good ten minutes of grinding on each other, we both came. Beings it was my first time coming in front of someone else, I didn't fully let myself let go. I held my loud moans in and tried to stop the inevitable shaking of my thighs, but like I said, shaking thighs was inevitable. Well for me it at least.

Harry came with me. All his hot and sticky cum erupting from his dick head and wetting his tight boxers, located in his jeans. His chest was heaving hard, making my body rise up and off his body with each inhale and exhale of breath he gave. His mouth was slightly parted and eyes closed tightly. He had never felt better Harry thought at the time.

Yeah Harry looked forward to the day I wanted to go all the way and have actual sex, but he told me he would have waited a thousand years if I wanted. And that's what he did. Well not exactly the thousand years part, but the waiting. We didn't end up having sex until our year and a half anniversary. Harry made it so specials for me, taking every thing slow and sensual.

And look at us now. We've been together ten years and married for eight. We have four beautiful babies (not so baby anymore). We are very much in love and have sex all the time. Very good sex I might add. And every once in a while I'll look back in my diary, what I'm reading and writing in now, and reminisce on mine and Harry's first. Our first kiss. Our first time dry humping. Our first time having oral sex together. Our first time have intercourse together. Everything we have done, I have wrote in my diary book and when we're old and gray, we will be in a nursing home and we'll take turns reading each other chapters out of this book that holds our lives greatest memories.

Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)

My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

Harry Styles Series - One Shots & Blurbs Masterlist

Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)

[stormbornbastard]

The Potential In Philoise

gif credit: @vakariaan​

tw/ sexual assault, abuse, depression, suicide, julia quinn’s writing 

AN: Okay, so I said awhile ago I would explain why Phillip and Eloise are my favorite couple in the series so get ready...it’s a bit of a long one. 

I read four Bridgerton books immediately after the show ended. Skipping over The Duke and I because I wasn’t comfortable with the assault scene between Simon and Daphne and also because I had already seen the romance play out onscreen. I fell in love with each romance I encountered, mainly because I didn’t read them as they were but as the show would make them out to be. I romanticized a romance series as weird as that sounds. Yet, none of the romances struck me the way To Sir Phillip, With Love did.

It’s not a perfect book. In fact, it's incredibly problematic. Phillip rapes his depressed wife, Marina (although given Julia’s history with crossing the lines of consent I doubt this is the way she wanted us to interpret the scene. Actually, the way it was written made it seem like we were meant to sympathize with Phillip and his loveless marriage. Hence the way he immediately grows ill afterward.) Marina attempts suicide and dies due to disease later on. Given her storyline in the show and the fact that a young biracial woman is playing her was disheartening, to say the least.

(AN: I don’t consider the character to be Black representation, she’s biracial. As a black woman who enjoyed her character and arc, no part of me felt seen and represented through her because she was half black. She's Biracial rep, not Black rep and that’s okay. Just putting that out there. )

Phillip seeks a woman to take care of his children, fuck and do the shit he doesn’t want to do. His mental illness is handled in such a shitty way. The independent nature Eloise once has is almost stifled by Phillip and what he wants for some reason. He’s neglectful, erratic and he does dismiss potential negative feelings Eloise could have in their relationship because of his past relationship.

It's fucked up. The entire book.

And yet, imagining how this problematic romance would play out on screen once properly adapted for modern audiences makes me fucking giddy. All because of one, simple thing that remains the reason I am so fucking excited to see this pairing onscreen.

The unrealized potential the pairing and Phillip as a character have in the novel.

Let me explain.

Their romance is unique. Phillip and Eloise are not strangers when they meet. They’ve been writing to each other for months, picking each other’s brains every week or so. Getting to know each other in a way that other couples in the series don’t at first. Intellectually. They’re able to keep such a steady, enthralling dialogue through letters, and it's a friendship that they both enjoy. Phillip stimulates Eloise’s mind, something the show has emphasized her wanting, for months. He’s her intellectual equal, or at least...he has the potential to be. Of course, he slaves over the letters (which is cute as fuck because he really just wants her to like him) but it's still his words. It’s his voice. It is Phillip, at his best.

I hope the show can play this up. Phillip is a botanist and a scholar before he inherits his family’s estate. Eloise has a desire to learn and further her knowledge of the world around her. Bonding over their shared love of education, fun banter based around teasing the other and their individual studies, taking an interest in what the other desires to learn.  Reading books together in the greenhouse, etc. The show could easily play up the fact that Phillip was not only a gardener but a literal man of science, something Julia neglects in their book despite it having the possibility of playing a major factor in their love story.

The possibilities of it just...makes me swoon.

Moving on, Eloise choosing to pursue a possible future with this man is a big fucking deal. Running away from home to go after a future for herself IS her displaying her OWN agency. Sure, Phillip poses the question of it but she’s the one who chooses it. Phillip doesn’t demand her to come to him, he simply suggests it and she’s the one who acts. The one who pursues. And if they hadn’t been bombarded by her brothers, it would’ve remained her choice of whether or she wanted to be a part of this man’s life permanently.

Phillip wouldn’t have forced her, he could’ve easily tried to. By going to the Bridgerton house and discussing with Anthony the possibility of marrying her but no, he asks her. HE ASKS HER AND SHE CHOOSES. I fucking love that. It's like the bare minimum but given the time period and the number of couples where the man has the final say on the marriage, this just makes me giddy. The show could change this and give Eloise more time with Phillip to the point where she chooses him and isn’t forced into the marriage which I hope they do.

Also, their first meeting where neither one of them is what the other expects sounds amazing ngl. The initial confusion, shock, unease, and undeniable attraction, it's gonna serve why lie?

Despite how much it affects him, the subject of Phillip’s abuse is handled so...wrong. As someone who shares an experience with abusive parents, I understand the fear of becoming like them. Of hurting the ones you love and being angry and feeling guilty. Yet, Phillip never confronts these fears. Not really. Sure, we get the scene in the nursery but thinking of how the show could handle it and his relationship with his children makes me excited. Having him being neglectful of his children was the wrong move, especially if his fear is hurting them in an attempt to discipline them. It's clear he loves them and ultimately wants the best for them which is why he’s searching for someone to better take care of them despite the shitty bitch he already has hired. I hope the show capitalizes on that.

Have Phillip be involved but not a disciplinary figure. Yeah, I get that he’s the man or whatever but it's clear that Phillip finds no enjoyment in the act or even pondering it. But he does love his kids. Have him be overwhelmed but still involved. It just felt weird that Phillip didn’t want anything to do with his kids despite one of his main reasons to look for a wife was so that they could be properly taken care of. Have him try but struggle. A lot.

It’d be funny to see Oliver and Amanda running the house and Phillip struggling to keep up. They’re supposed to be mischievous, they should play that up in the show. Having the kids be little gremlins but instead of him ignoring them completely, he could just give in to their whims. And when his anger does get the best of him, then he could run. Be distant, wrestle with his internal struggle with abuse but also knowing he can’t let his kids run his household like this and go about as reckless as they do.

Speaking of abuse, I hope they scrap the nursery lady altogether. I know it’s supposed to show him stepping into dad mode but it just felt like unnecessary and triggering of his own child abuse. He could easily step into this role by learning to deal with his anger, learning to control it. Eloise could suggest journaling the way she does (another bonding moment that could be less cute and more intimate if done right.) Having him put his anger into gardening, I interpreted it as it being a safe place and coping mechanism for him in the book and that would be nice to see.

Having to finally put an end to his kids' tirade once he learns to trust himself and realize that he’s nothing like his father. Actual healing from childhood trauma and Eloise helping him do so. She could also suggest boxing with her brothers like...it just makes sense. As someone with a temper, boxing helped me sort through that and the opportunity to see Phillip and Simon bonding, while boxing, over their shitty dads, sounds pretty fucking cathartic (and hot).

I would just like the show to truly show that just because you’ve dealt with abuse doesn’t mean you have to be defined and like your abuser. Phillip is a pretty great candidate for it because the guy is...scarred, to say the least.

I love the physical side of Phillip and Eloise’s relationship. Like really love, it's said that they try different things and are comfortable in that regard with each other and it just...yeah, that makes me happy. Besides that, I hope they play up the intellectual side of their relationship. Two nerds in love are adorable and imagining Phillip ranting about plants and Eloise just being completely enthralled at this man and his passion sounds like the cutest fucking shit.

Speaking of intellectual, it's implied Phillip cares little about high society. Meaning, wouldn’t he care even less about societal expectations and norms? Meaning Eloise would literally find freedom with this man to just...do her. Despite the book showing how Phillip wants a wife, it never really says that he cares exactly how that wife maintains herself or their household. Eloise wants to fuck around and wear trousers? He doesn’t care. Eloise wants a private tutor and a study for herself? Cool. Eloise wants to take Amanda riding in the forest and then teach her how to shoot? All good. The man was literally proud to watch her beat her brothers in a traditionally masculine sport. He wants his wife to run his house and his entire life how she sees fit.

Julia really neglected how much agency and power that could give Eloise. She could be his equal, like really be his equal. Of course, Phillip becoming more involved in his and his children’s lives is a part of his arc but nothing leads me to believe he would want to control Eloise. The two of them being more than just lovers, but partners who allow the other their freedoms when needed sounds epic as shit.

Now some things that could easily be left out, the rape scene. It’s there to showcase that Phillip has lost his wife and there is no chance of reigniting whatever they may have had in the past. Yet, there are so many other ways to show that. Phillip could try and speak with her with no response. Hold her hand and she pulls away? He’s a smart man, it doesn’t take much to get the hint so that could’ve easily been written out and replaced with something else.

Second of all, I like the possibility of Marina and Phillip finding happiness at first. Of them trying to love each other after George and succeeding. The way Marina is written in the show, I doubt she’s quick to give up. So to see the two of them having an agreeable marriage and getting along would be nice. They could showcase her mental illness in a different form, it's clear she suffers from postpartum depression. She withdraws into herself, distances herself from her children. She’s depressed but it's not as stereotypical and easily spotted as Julia makes it out to be. Marina just gives up on her children and life without any fight? Absolutely not.

As someone who suffers from depression, the way Julia wrote it is so...??? The truth is, I would like Phillip and their family to not even realize she’s suicidal. To not see it coming when she jumps in the lake and attempts to end her own life because that's exactly how suicide impacts so many people and their loved ones. They don’t see it coming. Phillip struggling with the guilt of that rather than the anger of being trapped in a loveless marriage sounds...a lot more interesting to me. Me, personally. Considering how much buzz the show has, it would spark up a dialogue and a good one if handled properly. I’ve thought a lot about Marina but this is just how I would prefer to see it handled if they go through with her canon death (which I am not actively rooting for by the way.)

Another reason I like the potential of Philloise is Oliver and Amanda, they just add some extra spice. If fully realized characters, watching them grow closer to their dad and form a relationship with Eloise would be so rewarding for two kids who have lost a lot. Also, the amount of comedic gold in their pranks with Eloise and dynamic with each other would give the season even more humor on top of Eloise herself.

And as much as I love the line, “this-us-is heaven.” They could easily modify the love speech. Like very easily.

My point is, I think their potential outweighs the problematic factors in their story and I doubt the show will fail on realizing it and ridding itself of the problematic aspects. One could even say they already started, I mean look at the way the show made a point to show Eloise’s disgust with fathers and husbands who abandon their family, and then comes Phillip, doing the absolute most to protect his remaining family. I mean, Bridgerton did turn the weakest romance in the series into a whole pop culture phenomenon. My hopes are high. Okay, that’s all.

[elisaphoenix13]

Once Upon A Summer (Ch.4)

Tony woke the next morning...on his own? It was nice to sleep in a little since Peter had woken up a few times throughout the night and he wasn't about to complain. He didn't even feel like getting a few more minutes of sleep, so he sat up and looked over at the crib. Only to find it empty. Either Peter had regained his ability to climb on the walls, or Stephen had once again walked into his room to retrieve the infant. After a quick glance around his room and finding it devoid of a spider baby, Tony rolls out of bed to go confirm his suspicions. He made sure he looked somewhat presentable before he left his room because he still had an image to maintain... although, then again...Stephen saw him drooling.

What he saw when he walked down the stairs to the kitchen was nothing short of heart warming. Stephen had indeed taken Peter from Tony's bedroom, and he was in the middle of trying to feed the baby some puree which proved to be difficult if the sorcerer's shaking was anything to go by. Stephen looked determined to get his trembling under control, and Peter was sitting there with his mouth open and clearly all the patience in the world.

Maybe deep down his teen self understood Stephen's struggle and forced his baby self not to fuss? This all happened because of magic so it wouldn't surprise Tony if his kid had some semblance of control over his six-month old self. Even from a few feet away, Tony could see Stephen's full mug of tea that he would bet money had gone cold ages ago.

"Any requests for breakfast?" Tony finally asks and winces when the younger man jumps and misses Peter's mouth. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

Stephen sighs and lowers the spoon to wipe his missed attempt off Peter's face. "It's alright. Maybe you're better off taking over. He's gotten maybe five spoonfuls since I started feeding him."

"Nonsense. Pete was happy that you took the time to try." Tony says and walks over to kiss the top of the baby's head. The giggle he got in response was a nice way to start his morning. "I'll make breakfast and you can keep feeding him. Don't think too much about it."

"Tony, I have permanent nerve damage that causes me chronic pain every day." Stephen sighs again and Tony frowns.

"Sorry. I didn't realize the pain was that bad." Without thinking, the engineer gently takes one of Stephen's hands and balks at the feeling of cold skin. "Yeesh! Your hands are like ice!"

Tony starts to gently rub his thumbs along Stephen's hand to help stimulate some blood flow and hopefully warm up his hands, and the doctor remains silent. He didn't even realize the situation they were in until he was almost done with the first hand and ready to grab the other to give it the same treatment. Tony didn't stop though. Stephen didn't protest and already his mind was coming up with something he could make that would at least help with Stephen's pain. Maybe some gloves? Nothing too fancy. The sorcerer seemed more humble than his previous life as a famous neurosurgeon.

"Your noses are similar." Stephen suddenly mutters and the seemingly out of the blue comment makes Tony falter for a millisecond before he continues his massage.

"Just so we're on the same page here…" Tony starts and then trails off in the hopes that Stephen will explain what's going on in his head.

"Yours and Peter's." Stephen elaborates. "I noticed it while I was trying to feed him but once you came down...I saw it on you too."

"It's just a nose Doc."

"There are other similarities." Stephen says and Tony meets his eyes.

A grey-blue that looked right back at him with... curiosity? Stephen was studying him. And then the baby in the high chair. And then back at him.

"Please don't take this the wrong way...but did you ever have women claiming they had your child?" The doctor suddenly asks.

The bluntness of his question definitely sent Tony reeling for half a minute.

"Uh...yeah? Kind of comes with the territory of being me and my past." Tony finally answers, though he wasn't sure why he did in the first place.

"Do you remember every woman?"

Tony winces. No...he didn't. There were times he definitely had company but he had no memory of taking them home or to his hotel room, and sometimes even woke up alone. There may have been a small possibility that he got someone pregnant and she actually didn't claim to--

"What are you getting at?" Tony sputters out and then clears his throat once he realizes how ridiculous he sounded.

"Is...there a chance you may be Peter's father?" Stephen asks carefully and Tony feels his mouth go dry.

"What? No. He had a dad. Peter's parents died in a plane crash when he was little. Like 5 or 6." Tony shakes his head.

"His father could easily be someone who took responsibility for Peter's care because he loved him and his mother." Stephen points out.

Tony looks at Stephen flatly, but he had to concede to the sorcerer's point. He doubted Peter shared any of his DNA, but he could understand where Stephen's train of thought was going. What if Peter really was his son? It wouldn't change much since he kind of already thought of the kid like his own...but related by blood still made his mind spin. Peter was an amazing kid. Smart enough to keep up with Tony, and weirdly adorable for being sixteen. Of course he was overly obsessed with Star Wars and a chatterbox but Tony was able to overlook that. Peter always tried to do what he thought was best.

"I think whatever similarities you see are just a coincidence." Tony says. "He's my kid, but he's not my kid."

Stephen raises an eyebrow before grabbing his cold mug of tea and getting up. "Maybe...but I think you should take the paternity test."

"Will it get you to drop the subject?" Tony turns to finish feeding Peter. The baby boy really did have all the patience in the world if he sat in his highchair and waited for Tony to finish with Stephen's hand without a fuss.

"I guess it doesn't matter either way. You did say he's your kid." Stephen replies as he dumps out his cold tea and goes about making some more.

Tony never thought he would have tea in his house. He didn't even drink it when he was sick. But it was what Stephen preferred and Tony couldn't help but make sure the doctor had everything he could ever want. He'd heard of Stephen and even saw him at a few galas and the doctor had an ego on par with Tony's. But after Stephen's accident and the man was said to have disappeared, he came home humble...and broke. It made Tony wonder how Stephen was affording food.

Did he do birthday parties…?

"Bah!" Peter yells out and smacks his hands on the tray of his highchair. It effectively broke Tony out of his thoughts and turned his attention to the baby. Covered in food.

"Alright, alright. Let me get a washcloth." Tony chuckles.

"Here." Stephen holds out a wet washcloth before Tony can get up and then sips his hot tea. "Thank you again for ordering the tea."

"Sure. Like I said, you can get whatever you want. The chocolate I ordered for you should arrive today."

Stephen glances at Tony over his mug as the engineer wipes Peter's face clean. "Umm... chocolate?"

"Yeah. You like chocolate don't you?" Tony asks and gets up to pick up Peter from the high chair. "There you go Underoos. How are those gums huh?"

Tony persuades the infant to open his mouth and inspects his gums. Peter giggles when Tony obnoxiously turns his head this way and that and then toward Stephen. Baby laughter was probably one of the best things Tony ever heard, but he was also a little biased since it came from Peter. He really loved the kid. Teenager or baby.

"You see anything yet?" Tony asks.

"Hmm...nope. Maybe another day or two." Stephen replies after leaning closer to take a look.

Tony had to keep himself from inhaling. Stephen smelt good and it wasn't any kind of cologne. In fact, Tony wasn't sure what it was. Everything Stephen could want was available to him to use but Tony didn't buy anything that smelled like Stephen did right now. Maybe it was those sticks that the sorcerer liked to burn when he got a chance to meditate? Or the tea? Or his books?

Maybe all of the above.

"There's a teething ring in the freezer if you want to preemptively give it to him." Stephen continues as he straightens. "So what are your plans for today?"

"Baby rocket packs." Tony grins and gets a swift smack to the back of his head, making Peter laugh again. "Ow! I was kidding."

"Have you actually played with Peter since he got turned into a baby?" Stephen asks and Tony cringes.

"Uh...no. I was kind of preoccupied with learning to change diapers and figuring out what Peter could eat." Tony admits.

Stephen simply raises an eyebrow at him before walking over to the couch and sitting down. While he got comfortable so he could read, Tony carried Peter over and put him down on the floor before pulling some toys down for him. Peter liked the large Legos that Tony, of course, got for him, but he also liked slobbering all over the wooden blocks. Tony placed both options down by Peter and waited to see what the baby would choose and snorted when Peter picked up a block.

He sat on the floor with Peter and did his best to keep the baby entertained and stimulated with a few blocks and some plastic. It wasn't hard, Peter enjoyed every moment Tony spent with him picking up and placing the wooden blocks in the typical tower fashion. But eventually Tony started to get bored. He loved seeing Peter smile and giggle...and drool, but he wasn't used to spending time with kids like this. Wasn't used to being fully responsible for someone's well being. Teenage Peter could at least feed himself.

So Tony almost sang hallelujah when Peter started to rub his eyes.

"Nap time kiddo." He says softly and gets up with Peter.

The baby did his cute little yawn as he laid his head on Tony's shoulder, and the engineer found himself lucky. Peter was asleep before he even made it up to the master bedroom, so it was easy to lay him in the crib, make sure Friday was watching him, and then slip right back out to rejoin Stephen down in the living room.

"Reading anything interesting?" Tony asks as he sits on the couch next to the doctor.

"A novel actually." Stephen responds and turns a page.

"Here I thought you only read those stuffy magic spell books." Tony jokes as he reaches for the remote. "You mind?"

"Not at all."

Tony nods and turns on the tv to let something play quietly that he only paid half attention to while the other half of his attention was directed at Stephen. At least the art of subtle attention. Tony couldn't help but admire the younger man. If it wouldn't be taken as creepy, he could probably do it all day. Stephen was... beautiful. His high cheekbones, the ever changing color of his eyes (something Tony noticed just recently because he was a sucker for pretty eyes), and just remembering the expression on Stephen's face whenever he took care of Peter.

And the fact that Stephen looked content right now. Content and relaxed. Tony wondered when Stephen did that last. The doctor looked the type to run on fumes.

"Do you sleep?" Tony blurts out, clearing his throat to hide his... embarrassment. "I mean... you're always up early and something tells me you don't go to sleep the moment you go to bed."

"My body sleeps." Stephen answers.

Tony looks at him flatly. "Your…body. What about your mind? Wait. How exactly does your mind not sleep when your body does?"

"Astral projection." Stephen says and looks over at Tony.

"Hey, can't believe I'm going to say this considering my rap sheet...but maybe get some real sleep? Shut it all down for the night. How about tonight?" Tony suggests.

"Are you offering to help?" Stephen asks and Tony waggles his eyebrows.

"You coming onto me Doc?"

That earned him a smack with the book. Fortunately it was a paperback.

"Hey! It was just an idea!" Tony laughs. "Get a little oil--okay, ow!" He rubs his head when he gets smacked with the book again. "That's starting to hurt. How many pages is that? Four hundred?"

"Five." Stephen sniffs and puts the book on the coffee table. "How about an early lunch since neither of us have eaten yet?"

"Sure. Need any help?"

"I'm just making sandwiches."

Tony got up to help him anyway, opening the refrigerator to pull out whatever they may want in a sandwich and letting Stephen put them together. It was kind of nice doing something as mundane as making lunch with the doctor. Tony liked seeing him relaxed (compared to the irritated expression Stephen had on his face back at the Sanctum), and even enjoyed hearing him laugh. Even if it was because Tony spectacularly failed at eating his sandwich without dropping a glob of mustard on his pants once they finally sat down. Stephen called him a slob as he laughed and handed Tony a napkin.

Tony was a little in love but he wasn't actually aware that's what he was feeling. He was just...more than happy. Like he could see himself doing this with Stephen every day. The younger man was smart, quick to snark back, clearly adored Peter even if he didn't realize it, and the best part? Stephen seemed to enjoy Tony's company, and the engineer liked to believe that it wasn't just because of Peter. If he really wanted to, Stephen could leave and keep to his promise with the bare minimum like Tony had originally expected.

A quick check on Peter to make sure he was alive and well and then leave each day. But Tony tried not to think about that.

"Boss, Peter is awake." Friday suddenly says just as Tony throws the last of his sandwich in his mouth.

"That wasn't a very long nap. Maybe I should've given him the teething ring earlier." Tony sighs and wipes his hands before getting up. "I'll be right back."

Tony heads up the stairs to his room, opening the door quietly so he doesn't startle the baby, and then freezes at the sight that greets him. There was no longer a six-month old baby in the crib. In fact, it looked like Peter was at least two years old and he was standing up in the crib, looking over at Tony in excitement and adoration. His clothes and diaper somehow grew with him and remained on his little body, but Peter was more alert now. He could stand and...

"Daddy!" Peter screeches happily.

Talk.

Tony forgot to breathe until black started to cloud his vision and he finally took a breath. Stephen wasn't lying when he said the magic would take time to wear off, but he wasn't expecting this. The discovery still had his head swimming so he did the only thing he could think of.

"Stephen!"

[elonscult]

The Awakening - Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sabrina woke up with the feeling of a freight train running through her head followed by a burning sensation coming in waves from her left cheekbone. The memories of the night before started flooding her mind making her headache intensify even more, a frown now on her face.

She stayed still for a couple of minutes, hearing the quiet breathing of Elon sleeping next to her. He had placed one of his legs between her thighs and was hugging her from the waist with one arm.

The sensation of his body close to her made her feel a little bit better but not quite.

Sabrina moved slowly out of bed trying to not wake him up, she looked up to his face and appreciated the sight of him sleeping so peacefully, he had a calm expression that almost looked childish. Aware of her surroundings, she felt thankful for being in his house. She didn’t allow herself to think about what happened, the whole thing felt foreign to her, almost like a blur or a scene in a movie that leaves you with a bad feeling after you watch it.

Without wanting to pay attention to the way she was feeling, Sabrina walked towards the bathroom in Elon’s room where she found a bag with some of her clothes. She took a quick shower and once she was done, she walked into the bedroom again finding Elon still sleeping.

Sabrina tried her hardest to keep him out of her mind, but it was impossible. She loved him, and that was the truth. Although, she hated that he had that kind of power over her life, it made her feel vulnerable and exposed. She thought about the wedding, the way he had made her feel so humiliated and the way he didn’t answer the phone when she needed him most.

A muffled buzz coming from the bathroom interrupted her subconscious thoughts, she followed the sound later discovering that it came from the bag of clothes she saw earlier. She rummaged through the contents until she found her phone.

She frowned as soon as she saw the endless missed calls from her father. Not exactly sure of what she should do next, she hurried downstairs and grabbed the keys of one of Elon’s cars.

  The familiar house now standing in front of Sabrina made a whirlwind of emotions form in her chest. Unsure if she felt safer than threatened, she stepped down of the car and walked towards the entrance. She had walked this same path probably a million times and somehow it still felt foreign.

“Dad?” she called as she opened the door. The immense mansion now showing itself in all its splendor.

“Sabrina?” a strong voice responded from the kitchen. “Is that you?”

The usual assurance and confidence with which she walked did not seem to be present as she moved towards the known voice.

“Well, I don’t think you have any other children” she said now walking into the kitchen catching her father sitting in front of a glass table next to a large window that expanded almost all the way from the ceiling to the floor. His presence always seemed to fill the entire room, making it hard for the both of them to be there at the same time. He was a well-founded man, old school. Tenacious and firm, those were the qualities that had made him reach an overflowing number of goals.  Yet, it wasn’t the nature you would exactly want from a parent.

He looked away from the book he held in his hands to look at Sabrina with a stern look that quickly turned into concern.

“Look at that, almost half of your face is bruised!” he said, looking at the hurt face of his daughter.

A warm set of arms surrounded Sabrina; she hugged his father back inhaling the scent of the tall man.

“Don’t worry” she said breaking away the hug.

He grabbed her chin to hold her face in place while he looked at the dark wound on her left cheekbone.

“Dad” she said pushing away his hand and sitting down next to his place at the table.

He sighed looking irritated, then he sat next to her.

“I called you a million times last night and today, can’t you at least pick up the phone” he said.

“Yeah sorry”

“You almost gave your mother a heart attack, she is worried sick” he said displeased “And you weren’t even home when we came by”

Sabrina felt for her father, she understood where his concern was coming from and she hesitated to bring up the fact that she was at Elon’s house.

“I wasn’t there” she limited to say.

“Clearly you have other priorities” he said, his tone with no particular difference.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked annoyed. “Elon was there and I didn’t want to stay home by myself”

“Well, if you had called us, we would have been there too! I can’t believe you wouldn’t even call us during an emergency” he almost yelled.

“Fair” she said. “I just didn’t want you to get involved, the press was there and it was a whole thing”

“I don’t like this, you know?” he moved in his seat uncomfortable. “This guy, he puts you on the spotlight and it opens the door to this kind of things happening”

“This guy has a name, and he didn’t put me in the spotlight any more than you did”

“It’s not his fault” she continued.

“Don’t talk back to me” he said firmly looking at the black-haired woman sitting next to him.

He thought of all the sacrifices he had made for his daughter and about the life he had planned for her. She was perfect, engineered, as so many rich parents had arranged in this weird future, to be perfect. And he hated the idea of some guy, such as Elon, just coming in and ruining it.

“At least he had the decency to call me, that I give to him” he said.

Sabrina raised her hand to massage the bridge of her nose, clearly annoyed at the information his father had just told her.

“Stupid” she thought to herself.

“Whatever, dad” she finally said.

“My legal team is already working on never letting that creep get out of jail” he said naturally, almost as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Thanks” she said moving to give her father a kiss on the cheek. “I do appreciate it”

“Right” he shook his head smiling.

“I’d love to wait for mom but I have to go” Sabrina said. “Don’t be so angry all the time, you’re old and you’ll get a heart attack, then I’ll have no father.” She smiled.

“Funny. I want you home tomorrow for dinner” he said.

“Maybe” she answered.

“Sabrina” he said with a stern look.

“Relax, we’ll be here”  

“Just you” he said.

“Both” she said now walking towards the door.

  Sabrina thought of a million things to say to Elon while she drove through the city, her heart was beating fast, her hands were white from gripping the wheel so hard and she felt angry, an anger that she had trouble controlling, she had that bad habit of being explosive and Elon had always told her that she acted like a little child throwing tantrums. But this wasn’t a tantrum, she didn’t want him to involve himself with her parents.

When she finally arrived at his house she tried to calm down, she wasn’t really in the mood to have another fight cause then she would have to go back to her place. She thought about staying with Alec and then she remembered him being angry at her the night before.

“What a fucking mess” she thought.

She found Elon in his office; her mood shifted as soon as she looked at his face. His blue-ish eyes going rapidly through some file on his computer, the dim light of the monitor highlighted the soft freckles on his face and she wished to count every single one of them. She wished to kiss him in that exact moment.

Sabrina leaned against the door frame crossing her arms, not really sure of what to say.

“There you are” Elon said, smiling. “I’ve been wondering where you were” his steady gaze now all over her.

“I, uh” she hesitated. “I was at my parent’s place”

He frowned unconsciously, sensing the tension building between them.

She simply looked at him.

“I’m not gonna apologize for calling your dad” he finally said. He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

She nodded with a blank expression.

“Are you going to say something?” Elon asked.

“You already know how I feel about it” she said.

“I know, but they’re your parents” he answered.

“Yeah exactly, that’s the thing” Sabrina said, now starting to get annoyed.

“Don’t start something” he said.

“I’m not starting anything. You just don’t understand” Sabrina said, looking hurt.

“The only thing I know is that if my kids were in that situation, I would’ve wanted to know about it” Elon said softly. “They care about you, your parents, I know that”

Sabrina thought about his kids, the way they were almost the exact copy of him. The way he acted when he was around them, it warmed her heart. She wondered if she would ever be a mother, thought about her own strange relationship with her parents, she had always thought she wasn’t good enough for that kind of life.

“Don’t be angry” he said standing up and walking her way. “Please”

“Please” he repeated.

He came close to her and cupped her face with his hands. Sabrina couldn’t move. She limited herself to let him guide her head until she could look into his penetrating eyes, those eyes that surely could read her soul. They hypnotized her like the ones from a predator calming his prey.

Sabrina shivered underneath his embrace.

And then, his hot and exigent lips covered hers. She moaned in response. She had heard all her life abut kisses that made knees weaken and Elon was the only one that had that effect on her.

She thought that man smelled stupendously, that it was a pleasure to touch him and, also, that he tasted so much better.  

On her own initiative, her arms surrounded his broad strong shoulders. The heath from his chest introduced into her body, inciting her with the erotic promise of their bodies collapsing together. Every inch of his magnificent body was intimately close to her, caressing her with the intention of waking up all of her feminine instincts. His presence stimulated her like no other man had ever done before. She slid her hands through his back muscles and sighed when she felt them move beneath her hand.

Elon felt like his head was spinning with the warm touch of Sabrina, with the sensation of her arms surrounding him while his own hands traveled her soft precious skin.  Oh, how much he liked the mumbling sounds with which she responded.

“Alright” she finally said, giving him a faint smile. Their bodies still close.

  The day continued normally, Elon decided to work from home, not wanting to leave Sabrina alone after what happened. He knew her, he knew how affected she was by it, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. He walked from his office to the living room where she was laying down watching TV. Her soft hands placing an ice pack on her face. Elon felt a weird sting cross his chest thinking about how much it probably hurt. The thought of someone punching her made him feel sick.

“Hey love” he said softly, sitting next to her. He placed his hand right over hers and pushed away the ice pack, somehow the bruise on her cheekbone looked worse than before, now a combination of purple, green and black that made her hazel eyes look more yellow. He frowned.

“We should probably get this checked out” he continued.

“No, I’m okay” she said reassuring him. How much he wished she really were.

“Are you done with work?” she asked.

“Yeah, sort of” he smiled. “Are you hungry?”

“Uhm yeah, I actually wanted to go pick some stuff up from my house” she placed the ice pack on the coffee table in front of them and incorporated to be sitting instead of laying on the couch. “Would you please go with me?” she said.

“Of course, honey” he said, unsure if it was a good idea. “I could also send someone”

“No, I wanna go” Sabrina added.

  As they arrived at her house, memories of the night before started to come to Sabrina. She moved uncomfortable in her seat, letting go of Elon’s reassuring hand.

With growing anxiety, she stepped into her house and climbed up the stairs towards her room. Elon followed her and watched as she stood rigid and distant. Her face was pale. He could kill the guy that had done this to her. No one should go through that much fear, especially in their own home.

When they reached her room, she stood still for a minute looking back at him. Her stomach revolving. The mattress was down of the bed frame, the sheets were torn apart, every single drawer open and their contents scattered. Elon placed his hands on her shoulders to comfort her. Sabrina felt violated as she walked into her closet and found everything on the floor. Tears started to form on her eyes.

Elon held her close to him, wrapping her in a hug and she didn’t let go, she was holding onto him so strongly that he was having trouble breathing, and she was crying like as if her heart was breaking to pieces. She hated that her home no longer felt safe.

“You don’t ever have to come back here” he said stroking her hair. “Move in with me”

“No, it’s not that easy” she said still sobbing.

“Yeah, it is that easy” he answered.

She separated to look at him.

“No, it’s not” she repeated. “God, are we even together?” she said whipping the tears from her face and taking a few steps back.

Elon ran his hands through his hair in exasperation.

“Sabrina” he began to say.

“This is my home, I can’t just leave” she said. “Specially if I’m not sure of where we’re at”

He sighed. He loved her, and he wished that was enough. But he knew things weren’t that simple, he wanted them to be, but they weren’t.

“We’re here, together, what are you not sure about?” he said.

She shook her head, distressed.

“Sabrina, do you not love me?” he asked, almost too scared.

She hesitated, breaking eye contact with him and looking anywhere else.

“It’s not about that” she finally said.

“Well, do you?” he asked again.

“You know I do”

He let out a deep breath, as if a huge weight had been lifted off of him.

“Then let’s love each other” Elon said. “Let’s start there”

Sabrina’s mind was spinning, she loved this house, it was her own little world, she wasn’t ready to let it go, possibly cause it meant letting go of her independency.

“I’ll take you to dinner, somewhere nice, just the two of us” he said, holding both of her hands and rubbing them with his thumbs.

“I’m not really in the mood to go out right now” she said truthfully.

“I know, baby. Trust me, it will help clear your head”

She looked at him almost with a frown on her face, he hated seeing her sad. It made him feel powerless.

  Sabrina hopped into the black Roadster, flashing an adorable grin that made the corners of her eyes scrunch up. Elon nearly took her right back up to his house when he saw her cute little outfit. She wore a strapless, 10 inches above the knee, black, brown, gold and white turtle shell-pattern-like dress. Her long tanned legs embellished with a pair of black tie-up heels that reached the middle of her calves. The long locks of black hair fell in waves on her back all the way down to her waist.

“Are you trying to kill me?” his tone was playful.

Her smile lessened for a minute, head titled, worried she had done something wrong, maybe wore the wrong thing.  

“I have half a mind to take you right back upstairs” he leaned into her neck, his nose sliding up underneath her ear, his warm breath sending shivers up her spine.

“And fuck you into oblivion.” He whispered.

She smiled. He reached over her shoulder and gripped the seatbelt, wrapping it over her, buckling her safely to the seat.

When they arrived at the restaurant, they were seated rapidly even thought they didn’t have a previous reservation, Elon’s status would let him in without hesitation. He placed a hand on her lower back guiding her as they followed the attendant and then he pulled the chair to let her sit before sitting himself in front of Sabrina.

Elon quickly ordered for the two of them, not giving Sabrina even a chance to look at the menu.

“I hope you don’t mind, honey. I know what’s good here.” He spoke.

She smiled back at him and shifted in her seat, peeking around the expensive room, feeling overwhelmed. He reached across the table to grab her hand, reassuring her.

“Thank you” she said looking at him before frowning for a short second, almost unnoticeably, looking for the next words she wanted to say. “I appreciate that you’re trying to make me feel better” she continued.

He looked at the hand he was grabbing, her fingers cautiously resting on his own. He rubbed them in a loving way, then, he looked at her.

“I’m sorry, for everything that happened that day. I really am” Elon said.

She gave him a comforting smile. The bruise on her face now covered with makeup, barely visible.

Elon felt so guilty. He shouldn’t have let her go, they could have arrived home together and everything could have been avoided. Or at least he could’ve protected her. He wished he had protected her.

“Just an unfortunate series of events, it’s not your fault” she said, reading the regretful look on his face. “Don’t blame yourself for this” she leaned forward, emphasizing her words, he still holding her hand. He sighed.

“I want to be with you, only you. There’s no one else for me” Elon said.

Sabrina looked away for a second.

“I want to be with you too” she said. “I just-.”

Ivory porcelain dishes were placed down on the dark stained wood table, interrupting their conversation. The food -that looked more like an art piece than food- was plated so creatively. Sabrina almost felt guilty that she was about to eat it. She wasted no time and took a bite of the alluring decorated dish, a wave of flavor swiftly traveling through her mouth.

“You were right. This is incredible” she said, grinning from ear to ear.  

“I know” he said smiling and later taking a bite of his plate too. Then looking at her encouraging her to continue the previous conversation.

“I need to be sure you’re done with Camille, I don’t like feeling unsure of us. We have already done that, remember? That’s why we broke up back then.” Sabrina said, her melodic voice echoing through his ears.

“I don’t want you to feel that way, to be unsure of my love” he sincerely said. “Things with her are complicated. I so- wish that they weren’t.” He ran a hand through his scruffy dark hair.

“She doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers. She wants to go to court. More money. Mess with me. At this point, I’m not sure” he let out.

She looked at him, a strange sentiment growing in her chest. She tried to imagine how much it must hurt to be treated like this by someone you once loved. She hated the idea of him being still legally married to that woman.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this” Sabrina said, looking at him lovingly. Wanting to take away all of his worries.

He took a hard look at the woman sitting in front of him, his love. Wondering if she could ever be capable of doing the horrible things Camille had done to him. Sabrina was everything his ex-wife wasn’t, intelligent, capable, caring. And she so rarely made him feel unsure of her love.

“I love you, E.” she said, desiring to find stronger words to express the adoration she had for Elon.

She stood up and leaned forward to place a quick kiss on his lips. Her familiar taste made Elon’s heart skip a beat.

“I love you too” he said. As he had so many times before.

She sat back down and they enjoyed the rest of their dinner. After, Elon took her for a walk in the area. The busy Los Angeles Street unusually empty. Their arms laced together as they moved forward.

Elon kept a tight grip on her as he walked them inside a store. The room smelled like luxury. White walls led up to the high ceiling. Marble tiled floors spread wide, holding bright displays.

“What are we doing here?” Sabrina whispered.

“I told you I wanted to make you feel better” he whispered leaning into her ear.

Although she desperately wanted to argue him on it, she stayed quiet. He smiled, pleased at her obedience.

Fabric clothing covered the walls, expensive jewelry sparkled under the lights.

“Like anything you see, baby?” he said.

She bit her lip, not really sure.

“You don’t need to spoil me like this” she said. Growing up in a well-off family had made Sabrina quickly associate love and affection with expensive things, being as her parents would often show it to her that way. Now that she was older, she longed for genuine connections.

“I feel bad about this kind of stuff. I don’t want you to think this is why I like you” she continued.

He laughed at the irony of her statement. He knew she was capable of affording anything she wanted herself.

“I don’t care if you feel bad. I want you to be dripping in my wealth. Let me.” He spoke slow. Making her heart beat faster.

She smiled almost excited.

“Fine” she said.

The assistant set up a dressing room for them, adding a few pieces in along with the ones she and Elon had picked out. The dressing room was wide, mirrors covering the entirety of the walls, a bone-colored sofa attached to one of them.

They spent the next half hour in there, Sabrina would change into each piece and show it off to Elon. He sat on the couch, filling the room with his masculine presence. He unfortunately was on a work phone call, despite his efforts to get rid of them earlier in the day. Each time she would parade around, he felt his pants growing tighter.

“Babe” she said. Elon’s eyes looking up to hers, still talking into the phone. “Can I have some help with this zipper?” she asked.

“I’ll call you in a moment” he hung up, shoving his phone into his pocket.

Sabrina was wearing a satin red dress, she stood facing the mirror, lifting up her long curls to expose her bare back and zipper. He couldn’t take his eyes off her body. His hands reached down and pulled the zipper up slowly, encasing her body in the expensive fabric.

“Thank you.” She said brushing down the sides of the dress, placing it correctly. “What do you think?” she asked looking at Elon through the reflection.

His long hands slid up over her ass, up her sides, resting on her breasts to rest on them, slightly grasping them.  “I’m about to rip this to shreds and have my way with you.” He said.

Sabrina let out a big laugh. “Shut up. Seriously, what do you think?”

A smile spread across his face as his hands fell on her hips. He slowly pushed up the dress, exposing her black underwear. He then shoved his hand into the front of them, his thick fingers finding the center of her body. He stroked over it in slow circles, watching her face in the reflection of the mirror. His other hand finding its way back up to her chest, grabbing a handful.

Feeling her breathing slow down and her body pressing closer to him, he dug deeper between her legs, shoving two fingers inside of her. She moaned at the feeling.

“You have to be quiet, doll.” He whispered in a deep voice.

His fingers pushed further into her, finding their place pressed against her most sensitive spot. She leaned back into him. He felt her contract around his fingers.

Pulling his fingers from her, he turned her around to face him. Grabbing the neckline of the thin fabric, he ripped the dress in half.

“Elon” she said surprised. He quickly silenced her and turned her around again.

“Be good and cum for me” he said.

“Mhm” she whined, breathing out. She felt his hardness through his pants, hard as possible, pressed against her. She rubbed back onto it, drawing out a growl from him.

“I said be good” Elon said pushing his fingers deeply, making her reach that magnificent release.

He kept his grip tight over her to held her up while she wiggled up against him. She stared at him through the mirror, the sight of him helping her along and intensifying her climax.

He slowly released his tight hold on her, leaning her on the wall. He lifted his hand to his mouth and licked each finger and his palm, enjoying the taste he was getting. Her taste.

“Did that answer the question about the dress?” he asked.

She laughed, pulling the shreds of fabric off her shoulders.

They grabbed everything and took it to the front of the store to the register. The cashier gladly ringing everything up, pleased by the amount of money they were spending. At the end of the transaction Elon dropped the remaining of the dress into the counter, staring at the woman behind it. Sabrina’s face turned red.

Without saying a word, she rang up the shreds of the dress. Swiping the black card. Elon smiled back at his lover.

————————---------------

It’s been literally so long lmao but anyways hope you like it, I will try to upload the next one on Monday, thank youuuu sooooo much for your sweet messages🤍

I don’t know if you still want to be tagged, let me know:)  🤍  @ourloveisforthelovely

[austarus]

Harry Wells x Reader Amending Past Actions

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me. It belongs to @moonymartell

*Set Post-s4 but before s6, with the revelation of Harry’s cube message that Cisco and Caitlin had found in s6. I think that makes sense. Anyway, just humor me ok? I miss my grumpy and soft scientist.

Word Count: 3350

“Dad, we can’t just let that meta get away with Syberon Labs’ technoscope.” Jesse spoke in a hushed manner as to not let other wandering ears to hear her their conversation. The undergrad had trailed right behind her father as the taller Wells made his way to his office. Harry pressed his thumb on the fingerprint scan against the wall beside his door, unlocking the system to reveal an intricate pass-code sequence as well. Harry mused to himself that it’s a miracle he managed to re-learn and memorize the security code. The dark-haired man had to ensure that no one except him, you, and Jesse were able to enter his area of isolation and Time Vault if there were to be maliciously rampant around the city like Zoom. The young speedster paused until they had fully entered the office and closed the door. The dimness of the room brightened up due to the motion-sensory had had installed years ago. “We have to let the board understand the amount of damage that meta can cause even if the tech isn’t linked to their powers.”

“Jesse, while I do appreciate that you keep me around for your meta-hero work, in this case my hands are tied. I can’t speak on behalf of the science anymore.” Harry replied as he pulled off his bag from his shoulder to set it beside his desk. Long legs moved to take a seat at his workspace, Harry unbuttoned the black buttons of his suit jacket. He had an earlier demonstration pitch to make with speaking to him in his ear for the science-y parts. The not-so-genius CEO inwardly sighed at the amount of proposals on his desks. “I’m not what I once was.”

“What if you could?”

Blue eyes ceased scanning the stack of papers he held in his hand. Harry gently laid them back down the cool glassy surface. “… What are you saying?”

Jesse took a step forward in front of her father’s desk, taking a breath in to resist the urge to accidentally speed-talk her lightbulb moment whenever she got excited. “What if we enhance your neural firing up to the intricate speed that it was once at in each your nervous cells? Therefore, amplifying your neural functions to compensate for cognition and analytical/systematic processing within certain parts of your brain. We’d also have to certify that other areas of your brain are also matching the same speeds before the Enlightenment accident so that we don’t get an overcompensation of neural stimulation. If we increase the firing rate to the adequate speed without causing your body to overstimulate or overwork itself biochemically then we should be able to get your mind back to what it once was. That means we’d also have to know your body’s precise neural chemical levels to see if we need to inject increments in order to compensate for the firing rate values while balancing the fact that we’d have to scan your brain for any traces of dark matter or sub-particles. I’m sure you’d documented your initial firing rate along everything else before you did the tests on the Cerebral inhibitor back on Earth-1.”

That’s my Jesse Quick. Harry had watched his daughter with wide eyes as she spoke confidently. Pride swelled in his chest even though he found himself nodding to the gibberish that came out of her mouth. I should have been able to understand all of that… “Honey.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you-

“-I love you too, dad-”

“-but, and I can’t believe I’m saying this- but in English, please.” This is probably how Joe feels every time Barry and the others spoke with me about science and physics and all that.

“We’re going to speed up your brain back to what it once was.”

“No.”

Jesse blinked at her father’s sudden response. “What? Why?”

Harry stammered before responding, running a hand through his unusually groomed hair. No longer unruly without the anxiety from problem-solving each meta incident or the next big bad. “I’m not- I can’t do that again. Something’s going to go wrong and… I can’t put you through that like I put (Y/N) and the Team. I lost myself, Jesse. I can’t go through all of that- that helplessness again.” Jesse watched her father with a pained expression before casting it downwards, the subtle guilt of not being at her father’s side when all that had gone down. I could have prevented his pain. Was the one thought that rang within the depths of her mind each day.

“Dad, I refuse to accept the fact that there’s nothing that we can do.”

“Jesse-”

“(Y/N) will even be here to monitor your neural and physiological vitals. She’ll be the green light if things go smoothly.”

“Jesse-”

“Just let me try. I can fix you.”

“Jesse!” Harry slammed a hand down on the desk, the harshness of the impact caused a picture frame to fall and shatter. The older Wells rubbed his face before massaging his temples. Don’t give me hope from what I had sorrowingly lost. “Stop, please. It’s not going to work. I’m fine with everything as it is now.”

“But are you content?” Jesse asked with pleading eyes. Harry looked up at his daughter before tilting his head off to the side. Finally, his gazed locked back on her.

“It’s better than being a blank slate or dead.”

“But are you content, dad?” Jesse asked once more, stepping over to pick up the fallen and cracked picture from. It had been of him and you and Team Flash last Christmas. His first Christmas with them. She handed her father the frame with a sigh. “I’ve seen you… stay up late at night wandering the labs, picking up your old notes, and trying to rework things at home until the early morning. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your intelligence back.”

“My intelligence doesn’t define me, Jesse. You need to understand that. I’m balanced now, that’s good enough for me.” Is it though?

“It doesn’t define you, but it’s something you value, dad. You’re my dad. My badass dad, who fought in the War of the Americas. Who jumped breaches to find a way to save me from Zoom while trying to keep the others safe by dropping hints. Who’s stubborn and prickly but ended up making friends on Earth-1 that you now consider family more than ever and met the one other person you’d sacrifice everything in life for. (Y/N). Your skill, intelligence, and determination brought you up to that point. Brains and brawns always win the fight, brawns can’t do it alone. I just-I just want to make you happy.”

“…”

“Dad, do you trust me?”

“You know I do, Jesse.”

“Then let me try.”

“Okay,” Harry grumbled as he leaned back and cracked his stiff neck, he adorned a serious expression on his face. “But we keep this between us. I’m already receiving backlash from your hero group as it is just being present at my own Labs.”

“Don’t worry about them. Oh, and one thing.”

“Hm?”

“Did you tell Cisco and (Y/N) about my team?”

“Yes?”

“Did Cisco come up with a name? Did (Y/N) approve?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah! So did they?”

“He might have rattled off a few names. One of them was probably Jesse and the Quicksters.”

“Not bad, I like it.”

“Don’t get any ideas.” Harry lightly scolded Jesse, who cheekily grinned at him.

“I won’t, I won’t,” the young speedster observed her father carefully as he moved past her to a desk space. Unlocking it, the Earth-2 Wells pulled out various notes and finals a blueprint model. Jesse padded over to stand across her father as she eyed the papers. “What’s this?”

“These,” Harry started, “are all the notes and things I had with me about the Cerebral Inhibitor. The blueprints are of mine and Cisco’s as well as the ones I snagged from Marlize after she had left the labs, who made readjustments to regain my intelligence.”

Jesse had already picked up the up-to-date notes by Marlize then the blueprints. She wasn’t even going to ask her father why he even had those in his possession because some part of her felt that he had been contemplating this too. “This is some A-class sloppy work, no wonder you weren’t able to fully get everything back.”

“Think you can outdo her.” Harry quirked a playful eyebrow at his daughter, who only returned the gesture. Jesse’s mind already had been making mental notes on the kinds of improvements that needed to be done.

“Hell yeah I can. I’m a Wells after all.” The speedster grinned up at her father, taking a seat on a spare chair and already sifting through the baroque equations and mathematical language.

Nothing lifted Harry’s spirits more than having his daughter beside him, their relation had been sewn back together. Harry left his daughter to jot down and hypothesize the necessary medications needed. Knowing my daughter, she’ll want to create the Cerebral Inhibitor from scratch. Harry took a seat at his desk once more, taking up paper after paper and analyzing the business proposals sent in. He may not have his intelligence anymore, but that does not necessarily mean he can’t run the business side of STAR Labs. Jesse was currently managing the science and analytical research side. But is this really going to work?

***

Harry covered his yawn as he set down the paper packet and pen in hand. Glancing over, he noticed that he had been working away for nearly 3 hours. The war veteran reclined back on his comfy leather chair as he stretched his limbs. His eyes wondered over to Jesse hunched over, speedily working through the notes as sounds of furious scribbling filled the silent void of the office today. With every intention of getting up and taking a walk through the Labs to get the blood flowing, Harry stood up and loosened his collar.

Blue eyes widened as a breach opened. Jesse’s ears had instantly perked up and, like the speedster she is, she raced to be beside her father in a defensive position. Spluttering sounds emitted from the breach as a very disoriented Wolfgang Wells stumbled out and onto the ground. Jesse looked thoroughly confused as did Harry. The doppelganger cowered on the ground in fear as more spluttering sounds signaled another emerging traveler. Harry watched you pop out of the breach.

“Hi,” You sent a friendly wave to your boyfriend and his daughter along with a cute, innocent-looking smile.

“(Y/N)?”

“One sec,” you held out a hand to them before yanking Wolfgang up by the back of his collar with all your might. Instantaneously, you twisted the German man’s arm back tightly behind him and locked Wolfgang in place adorning a threating sort of smile on your face. Harry blinked a few times as to what the hell was going on while Jesse crossed her arms and observed in amusement much to Wolfgang’s chagrin. “Ok, so let’s try this again. What do we saw when we’re wrong about judging others and their misfortune?”

Wolfgang sneered at you when he had tilted his head make eye contact with you, “You’re joking, rechts?” Your smile dropped astonishingly at his response. A darker look in your eyes as you kicked the back of his knee causing the older man to yelp and fall to bend uncomfortably. Harry ‘tch’ed and winced at what he witnessed. Jesse covered her mouth and hid her laughs at your chosen course of action. “It was wrong for me to do that.” Sie wird mich töten!

“And?”

“Und vhat?” You kick the back of his other knee and dug your fingers in the pressure point of his shoulder muscle, allowing the man to succumb on the ground on his knees. He groaned out in pain. “Und I’m sorry for kicking you out of the Council.”

“What. Else.”

“I shouldn’t have laughed at your face for losing your intelligence. It was a horrible thing for me to do. Können Sie mich jetzt gehen lassen?” Bitte, erbarme dich.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” You grinned a bit sadistically at him, letting him go and pulling the Breach Extrapolator. Once it was open you grabbed the flinching man and shoved him back into the breach to his Earth.

You turned around and your sweet disposition had returned, sunshine and all. As if the menacing persona you had adorned vanished in a matter of seconds when that breach had closed. Throughout the entire exchange Jesse had spared a glance at her father to literally see him making heart eyes at you and a gentle smile on his face. Harry won’t even deny that your entire gesture had warmed his heart with one thought running through his mind. That’s my wife. That you had gone through the trouble to do all of that for him. Harry’s twinkling eyes never left you and Jesse just rolled her eyes at her dorky father. A smirk had bewitched its way onto his face as he stepped away from his daughter and towards you. You felt heat crawl its way to your cheeks at the hidden look behind his eyes. His arms instantly wrapped around you, holding you tightly to himself as you reciprocated the gesture of affection. You kissed the side of his head, your insides ballooning to maximum capacity.

Pulling away, Harry couldn’t help but tease you, “To what do I owe the great pleasure of Persephone coming all this way to visit my humble abode.”

“I’m so telling Cisco that you’re using his nerdy mythology reference for us.”

“Humor me this one time, will you?”

“You do know that Persephone means Destroyer of Light, right?” You gave him a quirky look, your arms loosely wrapped around him.

“I know, but it seems like the Destroyer of Light has a particular soft spot for a man like me.” Harry just wiggled his eyebrows at you causing the both of you to giggle like dorks. You leaned up and rubbed your nose with his.

“Ugh, you guys are gross. Sickeningly cute, but still gross. Just kiss already so I can give hugs.” Jesse pipped up with a gagging expression. Harry chuckled with pink cheeks and leaned down for a quick kiss, much to your disappointment before Jesse shoved her father away from you. You gave the young speedster the biggest of hugs because you truly did miss her presence and enthusiasm. “(Y/N), that was badass. I didn’t know you could even get that angry. And like, not just anger that my dad normally has when he gets frustrated that something’s not working- silent anger. I’ve been told that’s the worst and most malevolent kind of anger.”

You rubbed the back of your neck when the both of you had turned away, a sheepish laugh falling off your lips. Music to Harry’s ears obviously. “It usually takes a lot to get me that made.”

“Remind me to never get on your bad side. I may be a speedster and everything, but ‘hell hath no wrath than a woman scorned’.”

“I don’t think that’s really possible for you to do, Jesse.”

“Jesse?” Harry interrupted before the speedster could go on rattling off, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“Yeah?” Her father gave her a pointed look before signaling with his head simultaneously towards the direction of the door. “Right, yes. I have to go… review a few projects for class. 3 Majors and all- Anyway don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and always use protection kids-” You blinked, and Jesse was gone in a flash of yellow-green lightning. Your cheeks as well as Harry’s lit up at her last statement before she left the office.

“Man, I really wish I had superspeed,” you sighed at her rushed exit, leaning into Harry’s side. He rubbed your arm gingerly.

“Really?”

“Well yeah, think of all the things Barry normally gets done.”

“Yet, he still manages to get his ass handed to him by metas. Every time.”

“True.”

You moved your gaze up and locked eyes with those beautiful azure ones. “You breached over just in time.” Harry took your hand gently and brought you over to the couch. The dark-haired man dimmed the lights in the room, mentally knowing that he deserves a break right now and obviously he wasn’t going to waste time working when you’re currently in the same vicinity as him. You sat close to one another, just automatically cuddling together in each other’s arms on the couch-bed. Harry took one of your hands once more and kissed the back of it before moving to peck each fingertip on your hands. You raked your teeth over your bottom lip as you eyed him with a half-lidded gaze. “We need to talk, babe.” He whispered softly.

“You think so? If anything, I also think I came at the right time. I actually get to see you in a suit again.”

Harry paused with a confused look. “You don’t like my usual casual look.”

“No, I do. I love it, really. I’m just…”

“Just?”

“Really I think you’re sexy in a suit but in reality, you’re handsome in literally anything you wear especially when you roll up your sleeves when you work on something and all that jazz.”

Harry blinked a couple of times, trying to process your rapid-fire rambling response. A soft smile graced his face and he shook his head at you. “I assume that my suit shirts will also be on the list of things you steal from me this time around before leaving to Earth-1.”

“I don’t steal. I borrow.”

“Uh huh. Then can you return those sweaters that you borrowed.”

“That depends, will you actually be sleeping over at my place this time around?”

“Well, that depends on what’s in it for me.”

You kissed Harry’s nose before winking at him. “I was thinking of cooking dinner together. Jesse included as well and- I don’t know- go out for a walk in the city and then we can come back home and do stuff…”

“Do stuff?”

You nodded shyly under his smug face, before switching the conversation. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Jesse believes she can fully restore my intelligence. Not just basic necessities to be a functioning and thinking human being.” Harry ran his fingers through your hair. Confusion crossed your features momentarily as you pulled back to fully look at your boyfriend. You opened your mouth, but Harry beat you to it. “Don’t ask me about the details but- She thinks she can speed up my brain to properly retain its normal function. Before Devoe…” Harry trailed off and you saw the pain flash through his eyes.

You took in a breath and contemplated your next words. “If this is what you want, then I will be here. Every step of the way. If Marlize couldn’t do it, Jesse can.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. I believe in Jesse, she’s your daughter after all. Brilliance, character, and tenacity.”

His strong jaw had softened as his lips turned up into a beautiful smile with mesmerizing blue eyes. The sight caused your heart to beat harder in your chest. “You really are the Persephone to my Hades.” You felt jittery under his heated gaze.

“Harry, I would eat as many pomegranates just to stay by your side, oh great kind of the Underworld.”

“Is that your way of saying ‘yes’ if I were to propose?”

You held your breath in the tender moment before breathing out your response. “Yes.”

Blue eyes sparkled at your response. Harry peppered your face with kisses as giggles left your lips and small acts of adoration were exchanged. “Then as long as you’re in my life, I will be content.” You cupped his face and planted a sweet kiss on his anticipating lips. Harry smiled against your mouth and nipped gently at your lips. The tiny dark velvet box didn’t seem to bear as much weight as it initially had a few months ago in Harry’s pocket anymore.

German Translation:

Rechts?- Right?

Sie wird mich töten - She is going to kill me!

Bitte, erbarme dich. – Please, have mercy

[purplesurveys]

1167

surveys by emptyliketheocean

Brand of cigarettes you smoke? I don’t smoke cigarettes, or at least I never buy my own packs.

Should you be trusted with a person's life? Idk, that’s for them to decide.

How's your life in general? I lost two relatives from Covid this week alone. So, not very dandy. Still in shock. Waiting for it to all finally crash down so I can grieve and mourn properly. Scared of more losses and hoping there aren’t any more to come.

Have you ever put lipstick on anything besides lips? I don’t wear makeup, but when my friends have put some on me in the past there were a couple of times they dabbed lipsticks on my cheeks.

Have you ever picked a fight you knew you would lose? Metaphorically speaking, yeah. I don’t get into physical fights.

What's something you think is crazy about the world? The concept of centibillionaires and the fact that there are multiple ones who exist.

What do you think about religion? I think the only upside to it is how it has helped save lives for some and how it serves as a guide for others to spread good in the world. Like if your religion has given you purpose and strength, that’s great. But ultimately, I’m not a fan and I most definitely don’t think religion is necessary to be a kind person. In fact, I think it works the opposite...most of the homophobes, misogynists, pro-lifers, and sexists I know are from the Christian faith. Cringe.

What about when religion causes violence? Well I definitely have a bone to pick with this lol. The only reason the Philippines is predominantly Catholic today is precisely that when the Spanish arrived, they used violence to forcingly convert Filipinos - who were then living in peace with their own culture, government, and religion system - to Christianity. And now we’re ‘celebrating’ 500 years of Christianity in the country this year, which was always so off to me because why are we celebrating colonization lol????????????? But anyway, yeah, that is another issue I have with religion. I want nothing to do with it.

What color is one of your hats? I have an off-white summer hat but I have literally never used it in public because it’s huge and it’s 100% going to draw attention.

How do you feel? My shoulders are sore and I’m feeling slightly irritated because of them. I’m also starting to get a bit hungry.

Have you ever gotten in trouble for laughing? A few times.

Something that makes you smile: Free food.

What do you think about surveys with lyrics as the title? Surveys with random lyrics usually end up being the ones with interesting questions, so I actually am more likely to check it out.

Do you have any clothes with small holes in them? Maybe one or two.

Do you think the way you live is really okay? I think I am already quite fortunate with what I have considering what others don’t, so it’s definitely been a while since I have complained about anything during this whole Covid situation, living-situation-wise. Even though we’ve lost a few things, like having to sell one of our cars and with my mom being retrenched, we still get by and have a roof over our heads with working water and electricity and a stocked pantry; and I make enough money to hand a portion of it to my parents twice a month and still treat myself with things I want. There is nothing to bitch about.

Do you know anyone other than a cop who has ever owned a cop car? No.

Have you ever felt fire? No, but electricity, yes. I’ve been shocked before but that was also my own fault lol.

Have you ever seen a person light themselves on fire? Jesus no.

Have you ever used crutches when you didn't need them? Yes. I used to horse around with Katreen’s crutches when she injured her legs in 3rd grade, when she wasn’t using them.

If you had 15 beers you would be: Dead.

Are you as bored as I am? No, I’m good.

Why are you taking this survey? I feel like it.

What would you say if a person asked you why your face was so messed up? “How do you want me to react?” Easiest way to shut a person up and passive aggressively tell them to watch what they say.

What would you do if your first love asked you back out? Be very confused and ask why the sudden decision.

What's your home life like? It’s very routine, due to having to stay at home. I work a 9–6 on weekdays, follow that up with dinner, and use a few hours to scroll through social media until it’s time to sleep. Then on weekends I use the free time to recharge by taking surveys and watch videos of whoever and whatever I’m interested in at the moment. Just waiting for all of this to blow over so I can finally do the things I’m meant to be doing.

Do you have a talent that you don't do anything with? I don’t write a lot for myself these days. I do write frequently for work, which is great - press releases, event scripts, all your PR essentials - but I don’t get stimulated enough since everything is written in the same tone. I really should pick up a notebook and pen soon...

Do you know anyone that is a lesbian? Yes. Not that she’s in my life anymore.

What do you think about your mom? I think she tries her best. But I wish she were more emotionally in touch. And that she starts being politically correct.

What do you think about your dad? He’s worked hard and continues to, and I appreciate all his efforts; and I can’t wait to be able to buy him all the things he wants.

Which parent do you respect the most? Who do you think? Hahahaha.

Is there anything someone could lie to you about that you couldn't forgive? I suppose, like cheating.

--

Who do you love unconditionally? My two best friends.

Pick an element. Oooookay? Zirconium.

Have you ever wasted a great amount of time and felt horrible about it? It always feels that way on weekends these days because there’s only so much that can be done while stuck at home because of Covid. But I do try to justify it by telling myself I already work too hard during weekdays so it’s ok to bum around at home and do nothing, because using the time to recharge is still productive. 

What is something that's been said about you that isn't true? My mom has said a lot of hurtful things directed towards me that I internalized for a very long time, but I’ve since gained the strength to no longer let those words get to me.

Who do you want with you when you're scared? Anyone who can be calm while I’m not.

Know any bands that not many people have heard of? Many of the punk bands I listen to are virtually unknown on this side of the planet.

Do you have any advice for people in general? Don’t be racist.

What's something you like to do in the summer? Complain about the heat.

What's something you like to do in the winter? We don’t get winter here, but I’ve always thought I would love snow if I ever saw it, and that I would probably make a lot of snow angels and play snowball fights.

What do you think about marijuana? I don’t have a strong opinion on it as it’s still a very taboo topic where I’m from and I’ve also been lacking on research. I do know people who use it for recreational purposes and I’ve never been against that.

Do you wish anyone death? Just politicians.

Have you ever felt like you weren't getting anywhere with a person? Yes, it felt that way for a long time. I just was too afraid of confrontation to do anything about it.

What do you feel for the person you first fell in love with? Resentment and a whole lot of nothing.

Where are you? I’m in my bedroom.

Are you waiting for something? Hmm, not necessarily.

Who is someone you just think has a hole in their brain? People who still think Covid is a hoax.

A candy you like? Gummy anything.

Does any part of your body hurt at the moment? My shoulders and neck, hence the neck pillow I’ve since put on while taking this.

Explain how you got the last bruise you had. I honestly have no clue. I currently have a big black circle on my right thigh that just suddenly showed up, and I can’t recall a time I must’ve hit it somewhere.

Are you tired? A little bit because I got up as soon as I woke up, but I wanted to maximize my free time this Sunday before another work week starts. Last Friday would be our last non-working holiday in a while and we’re not getting another one until August. :(

Explain how you got a scar you have. A distant cousin hurled a glass jar towards me when I was 3, during a family reunion. He initially went for my eye because I guess he wanted to blind me, but he missed and ended up hitting my eyebrow instead. My mom has since banned him from talking to me ever since, and I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him since the incident.

Have you ever owned anything illegal? Illegal copies of movies I’ve torrented, sure.

What do you dream about? The most random scenarios. I’ll get the occasional nightmare, but those only happen when I’m going through a period of depression.

Do you ever daydream? Not anymore these days.

How do you feel about vegetarians? I don’t really think anything of them. There are days I’ll particularly feel for them because there aren’t a lot of restaurants with good vegetarian options where I live, though.

A fruit you like: Avocado, in very limited options.

Have you ever seen a person eat a bug? Only bugs that were already prepared a certain way and meant to be eaten; but I’ve never seen a person that just picked up a bug off the ground and went straight to chewing. I imagine I would freak out and gag.

Something you worry about too much: How much is in my bank account.

How do you feel about smoking? I hate how the smell clings to your clothes and all your things when you’ve been smoking or when you’ve been around people who smoke. I also wince when people pose with their cigarettes just to look badass and cool; but as someone who’s since picked up vaping as a habit, my once-intense hatred for smoking and smokers has since changed lol.

If you had to move out of state, where would you go? I would move to a big city. Somewhere noisier and with a lot of lights and foot traffic and general activity.

What is your favorite vampire-related movie? The Twilight Saga hahahahahaha

Is there a person you keep coming back to? My best friends, I guess?

If you're listening to music...Give me a lyric from the song you're listening to. I’m not listening to anything.

[fairytellerxo]

It’s been a long while but I’m back to clearing out drafts and folders. Between here and google docs, it’s out of control.

This is Colel ‘Nicole’ Oceteva and The Reyes boys. It’s a draft of a draft that I had already posted but I’m thinking of turning it into a series of one shots. Just to see if her and Angel get nastier and if she can crack through EZs vanilla shell.

-

“You spit in the mouth of a cartel hit man’s niece,” EZ whispered to his brother. “If he finds out, you’re fucking dead Angel.”

Angel scoffed as he stubbed his cigarette out. “Who’s gonna tell him? Only three of us know that and I know the three of us won’t be airing that shit out. I was gonna tell the boys but I guess there goes that fun. Would’ve for sure been a good fucking story to share with them.”

“EZ,” Bishop stopped at the pair. “You’re first up on protection. I trust that Nicole will be in good hands with you.” He nodded. “Nicole, that’s EZ, Angel’s brother.”

Nicole grinned. “Nice to meet you,” she shook his head. “Like I told my tio, I don’t really need to be protected, I'm fine.” She took a seat and watched Bishop wall away before turning her attention to Angel. “So, a Mayan huh?” She pulled on the front of his kutte. “All makes sense now, the Harley in the driveway and the tattoos.”

Angel smirked. “There wasn’t too much downtime to swap life stories.”

“Just enough time to swap other things,” she smiled. “So, any chance at a packaged deal. I mean come on, brothers? Need it.”

“Okay, no.” Ez looked at his brother. “I’m not doing it.”

“We don’t even have to make eye contact,” he looked at Nicole. “Right?”

She nodded slowly. “Come on, you only live once.” She looked at EZ. “We can give you a safe word.”

“How is this a thing?” He stood up. “Come on, we’re leaving. I’ve got stuff to handle. You good with being on the back of a bike?”

“I’d let him handle me.” She smirked at Angel before standing up. “Can he come too?”

EZ shook his head. “Only if you two stop being weird together.” He shrugged. “I cannot deal with two of you Angel.”

Angel leaned closer to Nicole. “I told him about the spit thing, he’s being a hater now.”

“Did you tell him about the thumb thing?” She smiled. “That was life changing wasn’t it?”

“Oh man, the thumb thing,” he smiled. “Bro, you gotta try the thumb thing.”

EZ sighed. “No, I don’t want to hear anything else. Why don’t we find out why she needs to be protected before you two start organizing an orgy with Coco and Creeper.”

.

.

“I never thought we’d cross paths again.” Nicole looked at Angel. “I guess the world had different plans. It’s nice to see a familiar face though. Even if we just met, fucked and fucked again while your brother ran to the store.”

Angel laughed as he offered the brunette his cigarette who waved it off. “Ez is uptight, sort of vanilla. He just needs the right one to bring him to the dark side.”

“He needs to experience the thumb.” She chuckled. “That’ll help him out a ton.” She sat up and stretched her arms above her head. “Is he always super serious about this kind of stuff? Club duties?”

“He is, he takes it serious but usually I can get him to lighten up or vice versa if it’s me taking it too serious.” He stood up and looked at her. “So what’s your deal huh? You didn’t seem like the type who’d need protection when we met.”

Nicole shook her head. “I got home Sunday evening, I hopped in the shower, got into some fresh clothes, crawled into bed and about two hours later, I hear my dad come home, he calls out to me, ‘Colel, I’m home mamas!’ I call back, acknowledge it. So an hour goes by, I hear glass shattering, I go on alert and I check the cameras from my phone, see about four guys and I grab my gun and I go into hiding. My dad told me to never try to confront any intruders and to always save myself. So that’s what I did but when I slipped out of the house, someone shot at me. So they knew someone else was home. Miguel and Nestor think that I’ll be a target.” She shrugged. “My dad’s dead and I officially am all alone in the world.”

“Damn, I am sorry,” Angel rubbed his forehead. “I know what it’s like to lose a parent. That shit isn’t fun at all.”

“I’ll be good,” She shoved her feet into her sneakers. “What is there to do around here? I’m not even local I live in Mexico.”

EZ walked in and frowned. “You can’t leave, I’m not getting my ass handed to me.” He shook his head. “Do you play cards?”

Nicole dropped down to the sofa. “I play rummy or strip poker, no in between.” She smirked at EZ. “You can stand to loosen up and have fun. I’ve only known you for a few hours and you’re way to analytical and are in your head way too often. Relax and let me ruin your life just a bit, I promise it’ll be fun.”

“Listen, there’s nothing wrong with being analytical, I can have fun too.” He set the bag of groceries on the coffee table. “I got snacks, I figured since you’re the female version of Angel, you’d like the same snacks he does.”

“Look at him being an asshole,” she smirked at Angel. “It was shitty of you to assume that I would like the same snacks as him because I let him spit in my mouth.”

“Can we not say that anymore,” EZ sat down. “It’s just a weird mental image. Even weirder than the time Angel tried to stick his dick in a body less head.”

Nicole irked a brow at EZ. “Tell me all about it.” She smiled. “Was it like a prop head or something?”

“Yeah, was it a prop head?” Angel looked at his brother. “I’m all ears.”

“It was not,” He shrugged. “It was a real human head.”

“One time I saw my dad behead someone,” She shrugged. “I was sixteen and thought I’d be traumatized but I slept fine.”

Angel nodded eagerly. “I am turned on by that.”

“As I say, to each their own,” she smiled at EZ. “Come on what’s your kink?”

EZ blushed slightly before shrugging. “I don’t know, never really explored.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Did eight years in jail, so I lost out.”

“You probably would do well with a girl who dresses up,” she smiled. “Baby steps.” She squeezed his thigh. “Makes sense why you don’t like to talk sex stuff, you gotta have fun and explore! There’s so much out there, spanking, hair pulling, biting, smacking, wax play. Oh do you have a candle? It’s harmless.”

“Here ya go,” Angel passed Nicole a candle and lighter. “Do what you gotta do, I am gonna check in with Bish, see why they’re calling me like crazy.”

“Relax,” she set the candle down and looked at EZ. “I am not gonna do anything to you. We’ll play cards or something innocent.” She shrugged. “I see that you’re kinda shy but it’s cool.”

EZ nodded slowly. “I’ll start a movie, then we can start cards. Who even knows how long we’ll be stuck together.”

She shrugged again as she toed off the sneakers. “I could use the company, I don’t have a home to go back to just yet. It’s a crime scene.” She grabbed the deck of cards from beneath the table. “Sorry for the whole weirdness thing with me and Angel. I’ll tone it down when you’re around.”

“It’s not weird to hear him talk about sexual stuff, it’s just weird to see that he found someone just equally as nasty as him. No offense meant though.” He chuckled. “It’s cool though, never seen him look so dumb and happy. It’s only been like three days so I don’t know what to make of it.”

Nicole smiled. “Never thought I’d see him again but I’m not upset that life had our paths cross again. I can get to know him for real and I’m excited for it. Hell, I learned that he’s into necrophilia and that’s not the weirdest kink I’ve dealt with personally.”

“What’s the weirdest you’ve dealt with then?” He looked at her carefully. “Because necrophilia is pretty fucking weird and gross.”

“To each their own,” She shuffled the cards and shrugged. “I met a guy online, his kink was being humiliated and giving me his money. I once got money from him and all he wanted was to watch me get fucked by a dude with a bigger dock than his. I’m not a whore or whatever you’re thinking. I just am very sexually free and you should explore that side of you sometimes. Who knows, maybe you’ll like the thumb thing too.”

“Do I wanna know about the thumb thing?” EZ settled closer to her and smiled. “Because my brother is weird and it seems like it’s something weird.”

“It’s not,” She held up her thumb. “But you’re probably going to think it’s gross or whatever.” She laughed. “You just use this bad boy right here and get it a little wet with some spit and just rub circles over the asshole, it’s just an extra stimulant. If the guy or girl is more adventurous, you just slowly slip the thumb right in. You get it now. I’ll spare you more detail because you’re blushing hard as fuck.” She rubbed his cheek and smiled. “Your brother and I aren’t a thing, so if you ever wanna try the thumb thing, I’d happily introduce you to it.”

EZ nodded slowly as he let his eyes bounce between the brunette and his hands. “Yeah, I don’t think that’ll be for me but thanks.”

“Hey,” She handed him the deck of cards. “You won’t know until you try it.”

[sambergscott]

i'll promise that i'll love you for the rest of my life

one giving the other flowers, as requested by @rosalitadiazz AGES ago, also dedicated to @397bartonstreet for the initial idea of amy sleeping in/just being the best and @nine-niall for helping with the marriage highlight reel.... and for making me listen to heartbreak weather on repeat for the last few days and coming up with this title

happy anniversary to jake and amy!!! (also since the ep aired 2 years ago today i'm not *technically* late thank u very much)

One million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes after marrying Amy Santiago (or, two years), every moment is as wonderful as day one. He still feels the same rush of excitement when he sees her waiting by their car at the end of a shift, the same swell of pride when she introduces him to someone as her husband, the same “oh my god we’re actually married” moment when he catches her rings glinting in the sunlight. It’s been the best one million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes of his life. And while he appreciates every single second they have together, knowing how in their line of work things can change all too easy, their second anniversary presents the perfect opportunity to remind her that everyday he gets to be with someone as amazing as her is crazy to him.

He has flowers, a handmade card, he even hoovered and she’s still asleep.

She never sleeps this late.

Everyone knows she’s the morning person in their relationship and he’s the Get Out Of Bed After Snoozing The Alarm Seventeen Times person. They live together, share a car, and yet most mornings he ends up riding the Subway, squashed between an old woman and a nerdy looking guy who smells like he hasn’t showered in a week, Amy rolling her eyes when he gets to work mid-briefing. The rare days she can get him out of bed early usually involve some kind of bribery using food and/or sex.

The point is, he’s supposed to be the one sleeping in past 11 AM, but ever since their doctor prescribed Clomid to help stimulate ovulation and boost their chances of making a baby, their roles have been totally reversed like Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday.

Pregnant Amy falls asleep anywhere and everywhere. The couch, the car, the cleaning cupboard at work when she was trying to find some Nuclear-strength cleaner to remove the stench of Charles’ lunch from the air before she hurled again.

She could sleep all day if he let her and he quite easily could. She looks so peaceful and cute and free from the stresses of her family asking why they waited so long (well, long for Santiago standards) to start a family. Plus, the messy hair and tiny bit of drool on her chin are impossibly endearing in the way only she can be.

He smiles and wraps his arms around her, resting his head on his shoulder, his hands - like his thoughts - drifting to her growing bump as they inevitably always do.

This time next year they’ll be celebrating with their little boy or girl, telling them all about the insane, magical day that was May 15th 2018. Of course, it might be some time before they can fully grasp the TV-worthy drama of the creepy phone call, the bomb in the vent, the ex-boyfriend proposing - twice! - and the wall of Amy photos, but they will sure as dammit know how beautiful their mom looked in her dress and how happy their dad was when Grandpa Holt finally announced them as husband and wife.

“Can’t breathe,” his wife squeaks, finally awake. “Arms too tight.”

“Oops. Sorry, babe.” He kisses her by way of apology; sometimes when he gets to thinking about that day, about seeing her walk down the shredded paper aisle under the glow of fairy lights, surrounded by the very people who watched them fall in love, he kind of forgets where he is and what he’s doing.

She’s always had that intoxicating effect on him. That’s never gonna change.

“Time is it?” She yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

“Twenty five to,” he pauses to brace himself for her reaction, “...twelve.”

“Twelve?” Horrified, she moves to get out of bed and yeah, he knows her so well. “Let me go,” she huffs in frustration when he forms a barrier to keep her from leaving.

“No can do, Santiago,” he says authoritatively. “You’ve been working yourself to the bone and you’re pregnant. You need to rest. We’ve both got the day off, our dinner reservations aren’t until 8. Just let your husband take care of you for a couple of hours.”

She chews on her lower lip, making her contemplative face that he recognises from sitting opposite her for so many years, preferring watching her piece together the leads in a case rather than work on his own. “Fine,” she eventually concedes. “Happy anniversary, by the way.”

“Happy anniversary,” he returns the sentiment, kissing her again because, well, he can, one of the perks of marrying Amy Santiago (alongside a perfectly organised sock drawer and getting to hang out with the best person in the world 24 sevs). “I got you these,” he adds, procuring the daffodil bouquet he found online.

“Jake,” she sighs dreamily, placing the flowers on her nightstand. “They’re beautiful. And my favourites.”

“I know,” he smirks. He may not be Santiago level smart, but he’s smart when it comes to all things Santiago. “Also made you this.” He hands over the card.

She opens it, instantly tearing up at his sweet message inside, the dam bursting when she notices the scrawled message written with his wrong hand from their unborn baby. “Mine sucks in comparison,” she laments, passing him his card before locking her eyes back on the words ‘happy anniversary to the world’s best mama’.

“It does not suck,” he reassures her, clutching it to his chest. “I’m going to savour it for all times. I want to be buried with it.”

She rolls her eyes, drying her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I thought you wanted to be buried with your original copy of Die Hard.”

“OK, Die Hard and your card. Rhymes for a reason, Ames.”

“You’re such a dork,” she responds, stifling her laughter. “Can’t believe I’ve been married to you for two full years.”

“I know.” He grins. “What was your favourite part?”

Her eyes glimmer with excitement and love and memories of their first anniversary before things turned upside down. “Are you suggesting we do a marriage highlight reel à la NBA inside stuff?”

“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. I’ll go first. NUMBER FIVE,” he yells in his spot on Ahmad Rashad impression, earning a giggle from his wife. “Number five is that dress you wore on my birthday. Your butt looked the bomb in it.”

“Thanks, babe.” Two years in, she’s used to the constant “your butt is the bomb” comments, often uttered at the most inappropriate of times like when she stands up to brief the squad or play soccer with her brothers, much to her chagrin and their delight.

“Number four,” she quickly moves on. “The time you taught me to play Mario Party and I beat Wario on the first try.”

“That was my worst moment,” he groans.

“And that’s why it’s my best.”

He sighs, considers debating it, engaging in the classic back-and-forth that is the very foundation of their relationship, but it’s moot. She was way better than him. Santiago’s learn fast. It’s in their genes or something. And despite the crushing disappointment when she beat Wario with ease and dork danced her way to the kitchen to grab them both an orange soda, it was still a very fun night and a worthy moment in the highlight reel.

“Number Three. The York murder.”

Immediate understanding spreads across Amy’s face, but he explains anyway.

“I spent three days working that case and you just came in, saw the board and solved it right away.”

“I’m very smart,” she jokes lightheartedly.

“You are,” he agrees, his voice coming out softer and sincerer than even he imagined. “I love that about you. I love your brain. I love how good you are at your job, at figuring out puzzles. I love that you listen to NPR and know so much about the font Helvetica and have read, like, a million books. I love that you do a crossword every night and I love how proud you look when you give me a sports clue and I actually get it right. I love cheering you on at Trivia Nights even when Kylie can’t stop glaring at me. How lucky am I to have the smartest wife in the world?”

Touched, she can barely compile her thoughts to reveal her Number Two.

“The night at Shaw’s, at Hitchcock’s second divorce party, your speech, the way you kissed me, the way you were so gentle when we got home,” she sniffles. “It was special and made me feel so loved and if I say anymore I’m going to cry again, so you go.”

He chuckles knowingly. The pregnancy hormones have been making her extra emotional lately, they can’t even watch commercials anymore without her fully weeping. And while last year Pam and her twisted bowels interrupted before they could get to Number One, this year Number One is obvious. Clear as day. And there’s no one to interrupt.

He pretends to think about it for a minute (because he will always love teasing her, married or not). Only when she grabs his arm and digs her nails into his skin does he put both their hands on her bump and smiles. “Obviously this little guy or gal is Number One.”

She smiles back at him, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

His own face falls. “Ames?”

“It’s been a hard year, hasn’t it?” She sighs, thinking back to calendars and fertility appointments and the strict no nacho policy.

“Yeah,” he says, “it has. But this next year is gonna be the best one yet.”

“I mean... We’re probably not going to sleep a lot.”

“You might not sleep a lot but I sure will,” he teases, his words falling flat. “Just kidding, babe. Obviously I’m going to get up for all the feeds and diaper changes and whatever else this kid throws at us. Gonna be there for you both. No matter what.”

The pregnancy hormones strike again and she starts crying and, honestly, he can’t wait for this baby to get out, for more reasons than one.

“BRB, I’ll go make your favourite breakfast to make you feel better, don’t grow anymore body parts while I’m gone.”

He returns seven minutes later with pancakes, a ton of fruit, decaf coffee and another kiss. He climbs back into bed, devours his own Nutella pancakes and posts his favourite blurry, drunk on Champagne and love selfie from their makeshift wedding reception at Shaw’s, on Insta with a caption about how he promises he’s gonna love her for the rest of his life.

And he keeps that promise.

[rinusagitora]

The love, lead, and the undead.

Fandom: Monster Prom

Characters: Vicky Schmidt, Damien LaVey, Brian Yu, Oz, Zoe, Vera Oberlin, Polly Geist, Amira Rashid, Kale

Pairings: BriDamiVicky, OzZoe, AmiVera

Words: 2.9k

Summary: Canon divergent. Chapter 10/?. WARNINGS- PTSD symptoms, drug use, fanart drawn by @spookyhugsandkisses​;  Everyone is home, and is processing the events that have so far unfolded.

AO3

It was one of those nights Oz just wasn't able to focus. Even snuggled against Zoe and watching a goofy, uplifting anime, he couldn't ease the pit in his gut.

Zoe's thumb rubbed his brow. It was nice stimulation, at least. She was sweet in every way.

It was just a bad couple of days, Oz reasoned. He lived through millions. The birth of predator and prey, the fall of civilizations.

Zoe asked, "Do you remember your very first day?"

"Maybe long ago," he replied. "My first memory is in the dark, just beyond an orange light…. I think. There are so many now, it's hard to sort through them."

"Me too."

"What brings this up?" Oz asked.

"This, that, the other," she said. "I'm trying to remember a time before now that I've worked to keep people alive."

He frowned. "We're not very good at it.'

"No," Zoe agreed.

"We try to save people, but… they just end up dying. Or someone does."

She said, "They're all too eager to. Vera happily forked over her soul."

"And they adore destruction…. I hate demons for that reason. The Aquino, the LaVey, gungho for ruination and bloodshed before diplomacy."

"We wouldn't be here without it," Zoe said.

"Don't you tire of it?"

"I never said it didn't."

Oz hummed. His vision was blurry. Phobias kissed Zoe's hand, hugged her knee. He barely understood what Sergeant Frog was saying.

But that was the least of his worries.

"All of this now… what we're doing… is it helping, or is it retribution?"

"That depends on our intentions," she said. "Neutral good and lawful evil can approach a problem the same way and the only thing that puts them apart is their intentions."

Oz sat up. His Phobias whined for her skin like grumpy children. "Do we avenge Vicky?"

"Is she our friend?"

"... she's not innocent in all this."

"No, but that's irrelevant at this point."

He cocked an eyebrow. "How so?"

"We walk among mortals for so long and they rub off on us." Zoe cupped his cheek. Oz's eyes fluttered shut as she pet his cheekbone. "You more than I."

"Are you saying we mingle in these partisan affairs?"

"We already mingle, love," she said. "We've gone this far for them. I don't mind going further."

Oz's Phobias smiled with him. "I love you, Zoe."

---

Vicky felt like she hadn't been home in years.

It was stale, but just as she left it.

Vicky lingered in the doorway as her boyfriends made a beeline for the bedroom, Damien stripping to his boxers en route and littering his clothes on the floor.

She wasn't sure how she felt about being back. Vicky felt foreign, different, displaced. She stood in the entrance, shoes and jacket still on, and tried to piece it together with a puzzled furrow in her brow.

How many times had Vicky died? Once… twice… thrice? What counted as death and undeath?

Philosophy made her head fuzzy. She pushed off her shoes, not even caring to toss them into the shoe rack inches away, and made for the kitchenette in search of moldy dishes and rotten food. She'd need laundry done too.

"Babe, chores can wait."

Vicky didn't even bother to check if that was Brian or Damien. She said, "I want my place to be clean. Plus, I need clothes for class tomorrow."

"I thought we should skip," Damien said.

"Been through enough to warrant a break," Brian agreed.

She huffed. "I want to see my friends. Liam and Blobert don't know I'm back yet. It's not fair to keep them in the dark."

"Yes," Brian said, sitting on the floor with Vicky, "so we'll call them. Or meet them after school. But Vicky… you're still in fight or flight mode. We need to get out of that."

She laughed wryly. "What, like Hugh isn't at large?"

"There are three of us, and one of him. If he does invade your home, I think we got him," Damien snorted. Brian glared at him over his shoulder.

"Not helpful," he said.

"What? It's true."

Vicky sighed and continued to gather her outfit for tomorrow. She got together something presentable and went to her closet for the wire so she could hang them up in the bathroom. She shook Brian's hand off her pant leg but was caught by Damien a second later.

"Yeah, we're going to bed and sleeping in."

"No," Vicky argued. "I want to go to school."

"Baby, he's right. I'm so tired I'm gonna pass out when I hit the pillow," Damien said.

"Like you don't already?" Vicky snapped. "Dami, let me go. I have to get ready for school."

"We're going to bed," he said, firmly, golden eyes boring into her own.

Her nostrils flared irritably. Vicky adored her boyfriends but everything, the second the door closed, once she was relieved of the worries of her loved ones’ livelihood, she was imprisoned in a maelstrom of conflicted emotions. Fear, grief, rage. Shame that she was annoyed that Brian and Damien breathed over her shoulder. They just missed her. Vicky knew she would have behaved exactly like them if she watched either Brian or Damien die.

But sometimes, Vicky felt like her loved ones forgot she had a threshold. In less than a quarter of a century, Vicky was routinely sexually abused, experimented on by someone even more horrendous than herself as a bank robber, killed someone, and finally, she had died twice.

Vicky felt like she had every right to a night where she didn’t have birds chirping in her ear.

“Move,” Vicky said. “I’m just doing laundry.”

“No. We’re gonna relax tonight.” Damien's voice was rising, he was getting angry. Brian gawked at the scene unfolding from the corner of Vicky's eye.

“I want to go to school. I want to see my friends, and I don’t want to smell like stale laundry when I do!” she insisted, her voice quickly reaching a shrill crescendo in her frustration.

“What is your fucking problem, Vicky?” Damien barked.

“Nothing! I just don’t want to smell like stale laundry when I go to school.”

“It’s safe to say we’re not winning this fight,” Brian grumbled. He tried to grab Vicky’s laundry, and she pulled them away. He scowled and swiped again. “Babe, please give it to me.”

“No.”

“Am I seriously the only one here who’s exhausted?” Damien said, storming into the living room and tearing at his hair. “It hasn’t even been a fucking week since you died. We’ve been through a lot. We deserve some fucking sleep!”

Vicky whipped to him and screamed, “Like I fucking don’t? Like I fucking didn’t?” Her hair bristled with static. “You can’t fucking begin to comprehend the pain I’ve been through, asshole. I’ll cope however I fucking please.”

“I just watched you and my dad die! Don’t guilt-trip me.”

“Guys,” Brian said as stepped between them, “let’s not get into this. I’ll do the laundry. You two can go to bed.”

Vicky shoved past Brian. “Guilt trip?” she squawked. “You want a fucking guilt trip, Damien? I’ll show you a fucking guilt trip. You could’ve fucking saved me! You knew who took me, but you waited days to get me. Do you know how badly I was hurting? How isolated and confused I was?” She jabbed her finger into his chest. “You’re selfish and… and dictatorial! You got to grow up in a sweet little princely bubble where everything’s fucking rosy, but I was tortured, and killed, and raped, you son of a bitch, and when you guys had the opportunity to help, it you fucking days!”

Brian replied, “What the fuck is wrong with you, Vicky?”

Tearfully, she screamed, “Shut the fuck up, Brian!” She turned back to Damien. He was tearful. Irate. “What the fuck do you have to say for yourself?”

Damien bent over her and said, “I was in so much pain without you, Vicky. I wanted to get you every day. But if we stormed without a plan, they would have killed you.”

“They already killed me!” Every inch of her mortal skin felt hot from her anger. “All I want to do is something mundane to keep my mind of this bullshit, but you guys are breathing down my fucking neck. You don’t have to fucking help me, but I need some room to breathe.”

“You were just fucking murdered and had to fight for your fucking life just a couple of hours ago. Vicky, you can’t work yourself to the bone! I was worried about you and you jumped down my fucking throat!”

Brian pushed the pair apart. “We need to calm down before the cops get called,” he reasoned.

She slapped away Brian’s hand. “Don’t defend him,” she said, “you’re as insufferable as he is!”

“Vicky,” Brian said as he wrapped her fists around her’s, “we weren’t trying to breathe down your neck. We know you’re in pain, and we just wanted to help you feel okay.”

“I don’t get to be okay! I just get to be miserable and hurting!” Vicky slipped away and wept. She combed her fingers through her hair and blubbered noisily. “I’ve wanted so badly to just die so all my pain would end. I’m even in pain when I sleep. But when I die, there’s just more of it. I’m in Hell if I’m not on my way.” Her lip wobbled. “And I drag everyone down with me.”

“You’re not dragging us down,” Brian reassured her.

“Scott,” she argued. “He may as well be dead. He was just a good friend and now he’s a vegetable because of me.” While she cried, she sunk to the floor. “I have to live with all this pain. The second something good happens to me, it’s ruined. I was better off exploited.”

Vicky cried into the carpet. Brian and Damien laid down with her. She clung to them, she blubbered apologies for everything under the sun and cursed her suffering.

Damien stroked her hair, holding her so tightly her back popped. It was so hot between them. She wanted to writhe in pain, in misery, but they caged her. Made her remember her company and her family.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, "I'm sorry."

Damien hushed her. "It's fine. It's okay."

"I love you all so much."

Brian pressed a kiss to her. Again, again, again, until she was short of breath.

She sat up. Damien laid his head on her lap.

"I'm thirsty," she said, raspy and tired. "I'm going to make tea."

Damien and Brian followed Vicky into the commons. Damien took a seat, and while Vicky prepared water in the kettle, Brian hugged her from behind. Kissed her scalp.

"I missed you," he said. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Vicky swayed. Her eyes watered again. She hated how much she cried. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything."

Brian hummed. His cheek laid in her head. "Water under the bridge, and all. Most of it isn't even you." She felt his frown. "Given the chance, I'd light your uncle on fire."

"Fuuuuck," Damien groaned. "If my dad and Hugo are fucking brothers, that means Dahlia is my fucking cousin."

Vicky frowned. "That may become… problematic," she said.

He scratched his ear. "I don't wanna worry about it now…"

"Mood," Brian agreed.

The kettle whistled. Vicky poured it over a tea bag and then took a seat between her boyfriends. They leaned against her, eyes glued to the television screen.

She sipped her tea. Brian and Damien drifted off. They were exhausted, truly. She didn't blame them. It was a long week.

But could she find a reprise? Never.

---

Something was exhausting about trading with eldritch creatures. Like her chest was scraped with a curette. Painkillers weren’t helping, and Vera was debating whether or not to undergo local anesthesia.

But she was so tired. With Vicky passing, Scott in a coma, and then Vicky returning, she was exhausted. That was the first day in years she hadn’t even checked her phone to work.

She missed Scott so much.

His machines beeped rhythmically. It should've been a peaceful sound. Like white noise. But the context almost put Vera in a fugue state. Catatonic with… with feelings she didn't quite understand.

Amira shook her shoulder. Morning light cast a shadow over the building. It was still dark in their room due to western exposure.

He said, "Baby, you look so… tired. Have you slept?"

"No. I don't think so, at least." Vera only then managed to pull her attention away from Scott. "I need to call in my absence."

"I took care of it," Amira said.

Vera hummed. Her chest still hurt.

"I want to stay here for the day," she told Amira. He nodded.

"Agreed." Amira pulled up a seat and crossed his legs. "He's got some color in his cheeks, though. The witches here are doing a damn good job."

"Nothing can fix everything." Not science, or magic, or what have you. But Amira squeezed her hand.

He said, "I know. But I'm optimistic."

"Aren't you always?" Vera looked back to Scott. He was intubated. Made to breathe. His heart was pumped by machines. Everything mechanical. Vera didn't have high hopes for his survival.

And it broke her heart. Scott could be obnoxious, but he was ultimately harmless! A victim in all this, the truest of them all.

Vera hated the Aquino family for victimizing someone whose inner light brightened the world like the sun. She'd be certain to rain terror on them from on high. To ruin them in every way she could.

Amira seemed to pick up on Vera's vitriol. He said, squeezing her hand again, "Do you want something to eat? Drink?"

"... just some water," she replied quietly.

Amira walked out. Polly floated in a second later.

Vera wasn't in the mood for conversation, but wasn't about to kick out a grieving friend, either. She wordlessly nodded to Polly. Polly smiled. She looked like she, too, was crying.

"I miss you," Polly croaked. "The hardest part of you being gone is that those of us left behind had so much to tell you, so much we wanted to experience with you, and now… now you're gone." She wiped her face. "I'd do anything to make you better, man."

Vera bowed her head, crying too. God, she missed him so much.

---

That morning, Vicky sent a text to Blobert and Liam to meet them. Of course, she was spammed with messages, but after proving it was her, and telling them she'd explain everything after school, they relented.

They waited in the parking lot hours later. Vicky smoked, and it reminded Brian that he could go for some weed. Everything was so uncertain. So tense. He needed something to ease his nerves.

The bell rang and students began to file out. Kale walked by, oblivious as he played what Brian was sure to be PokeMans.

He elbowed Damien. Both he and his girlfriend turned to him. "I'm gonna talk to Kale if that's cool."

"Go ahead." Vicky smiled a smile that made Brian swoon without fail.

Damien pecked Brian on the lips. "We'll hold down the fort, babe."

"Thanks."

Brian strode to catch up to Kale, before saying, "Hey, man! It's been a minute."

Kale turned around, bark crunching, and smiled. "Hey there. Glad to see you back." He pulled his headphones around his neck. "I heard Vicky's back too."

"Yeah. It's…"

"A long story?"

"You have no idea."

"As fun as the details prolly are, I'm sure you'd rather wind down."

"You read my mind." Brian pulled a baggie out of his coat pocket. "You got a minute?"

"Sure."

Brian and Kale found a secluded bench where the air smelled fresh and the only sounds were birds chirping. Traffic was completely absorbed by tall hedges.

They made their joints and then leaned back to enjoy them. It lingered in his lungs, making him buzz pleasantly. He could feel his stiff, rotten muscles easing.

"The fuck even happened?" Kale asked. Brian hummed dumbly. "With Vicky, I mean."

"Oh." Brian frowned as he ruminated. "She got into some trouble during a job. Some people didn't like it, and so they took her out." That was the simplest explanation, without the messy politics of Hell, and without a long story that was sure to just make Brian miserable.

"She's back now, at least."

"Equally as complicated," Brian told him.

"I bet." Kale took a puff. They sat in silence for a good minute. "It's fucked up, though. Are you sure you're cut out for this shit?"

Brian was a little hurt by that like Kale was suggesting it was somehow Vicky and Damien's vault she was murdered. It was a power grab. That's all.

But Kale was just trying to be a good friend, Brian reminded himself. He said, "Yeah. All this bullshit just reassured me how much I love them, y'know?"

"I'll take your word for it. I dunno much about that love bullshit, but if you're happy, man…" Kale trailed off and shrugged.

"Thanks."

Again, silence as they smoked. That was something he liked about Kale. How laid back he was. As fun as the insanity as Spooky High was, it was much nicer when insanity was a fraction of his day. Brian preferred sleeping like the dead or getting as close to it as possible.

Kale then asked, "What're you gonna do after all this?"

Brian pondered for only a second before he pictured Vicky and Damien in wedding garb from his home country.

"I want to get married."

[tinlizziedlinwa]

Developing Sexuality, Discovering Kinks, a Spinal Injury, and Barely Beginning to Explore the Edges of the LGBTQ+ Community

Howdy, y’all.  I’m just gonna put this out there - If it’s not for you, just keep on a’scrollin’!

Now, I’ve not really explicitly spoken about my sexuality and how it’s evolved over my almost five decades of life.  So, I’m about to start, and believe me, your patience and kindness will be appreciated.  If you choose to be a close-minded, conservative, cis-asshole then I strongly suggest you leave right the fuck now.  Thank you :-)

If you want to get to know me a little bit more and talk of incontinence and sexuality doesn’t scare you, please continue!

Decade 01:  Around four years old, I have my first memories of things related to my as yet totally undeveloped sexuality.  No history of physical abuse - Don’t worry about that.  It was finding my mother’s menstrual pads.  I saw pictures of them in underwear, so I took one and put it into mine.  It felt so right and so amazing!  I don’t really know how to describe it, but it felt like I needed the whole package of them in my underwear all at once!  I got in trouble for using up a package that my mom needed and I didn’t understand why she needed them yet.  But I made my first “diaper” out of pads and tighty-whities when I was only four years old.  Since I’m gonna be using a lot of numbers, I’m gonna cheat and sacrifice the “proper way” of spelling them out if they’re ten or less.

At 5, I knew I wasn’t built right.  I had this thing I peed through that girls didn’t have.  Boys had them.  But I wasn’t supposed to be a boy!  I didn’t like it and hated the feeling of it touching my legs (still do...).  I started asking questions about things.  Now, my parents are the stereotypical Boomers, “trapped” in a loveless marriage by dependent children and their own sense of “honor.”  Dad was a Medical Corpsman who became a Physician’s Assistant (PA) after retiring, while Mom used to be a Wave (nurse) in the Navy, but became a stay-at-home Mom when she started having children. I’ve 2 brothers and 1 sister, the last of them born 10 years before me.  So, when I questioned things, Dad’s response was usually to hand me a medical book and tell me to look it up.  Mom’s response was usually, “go ask your father.”  So, there I was, a 5-year old with a head full of partially-understood terminology (at best!) and a bunch of clinical photography in anatomy and physiology books.  At least I learned the purely physical differences between boys and girls and why I was one and not the other.  This made me mad.  So. Very. Mad.  I cried a lot for a while, finding out that I would never become what I feel I was supposed to be.  But I kept reading....

When I was 6 years old, I wrote a letter to my parents explaining how I felt about my body and how it made me feel inside and how I wished I could change and be the girl I’m supposed to be and would they be ok with helping me do this some day?

It was not received well.  Not well at all.  I’ve spent the last 40 years trying to get over their reaction to it and I still hate them for their reactions with a passion.  I feel like I was truly shattered, and the glue I’ve had to use over the years to put myself back together has never been the right type and pieces of me keep falling apart.

Entering Decade 02 (10 to 20 years old):  Puberty, damn it!  None of my “researches” had even hinted at ways to stop it, and my body started changing in ways that made me very uncomfortable, but there was also this attraction I kept feeling towards some people, and I started getting erections.  Now, I knew what was happening and yes, it did feel good to play with myself, but it also felt wrong in that I should have someone entering me, not me entering them, so when I masturbated that’s what I dreamed of - being entered and feeling them expand inside me, them giving themselves up in me, losing control and exploding into me and feeling their satisfaction as my own at having been so desirable.  Cockwarming them gently back to hardness and having my own way with their body as their hands stroked my breasts and hips.... Eventually I would orgasm in real life, while dreaming my dream.

I have never had a blow-job.  Several girlfriends have attempted, but honestly that’s like the fastest way to shut me down.  It instantly kills my dream between one heart-beat and the next, causing me to feel absolutely horrible about myself and this carcass I’m trapped in.  I should be going down on you, tasting, caressing, nuzzling and lapping up your wetness as I get more and more achy and wet for you.... Sticking my dick in your mouth is absolutely the worst thing that can happen during any attempt at sexy-times for me.  I’d rather have diarrhea on a crowded school-bus.

The problem was, I had been emotionally terrorized by my parents (and now I know how they controlled my access to information...) and the area I grew up in was populated by fairly conservative folks, so I had no exposure to other ways of living and had no idea I could express my sexuality in any way other than by being masculine with it.  Ergo, I was very much in the closet, hiding my thoughts and feelings as best I knew how, and retreated from situations that might expose my inner workings. Hence, I’m an introvert who overshares o.0  Start unstacking the bricks from my walls and Watch Out!  You might get more than you bargained for :-\

Decade 03 (20 to 30 years old):  I was just positive I didn’t want kids.  Also had no clue what to do with myself, so I landed in Alaska for about a decade.  Isolated, small town, conservative folks (a church on every corner, attended at least twice a week).  Repressive.  No sex for 8 of those 10 years.  Met my (now ex-) wife up there.  Internet actually got off the ground and we bought a computer, modem, and had an AOL account!  This was around 2002′ish or so.  Yeah, I watched the twin towers fall on a tv in a bar in Alaska.  But while in Fairbanks, I discovered the old Usenet Newsgroups... and that led me straight back into my diaper-fetish which I’d almost forgotten about... omg, seeing those first photos... I can’t describe the feelings that burned in me.

Decade 04 (30 to 40 years old):  Left Alaska and moved to western Washington State.  Worked as a Medical Assistant for about 5 years, then re-invented myself as a welder when I got a Federal job.  Learning a whole new trade wasn’t easy.  Shittons of practice later I was good at it and loving my career, until a toolbag fell on my head in 2008.  It could have killed me had I been in any other position.  As it was, it hit the top of my head while my spine was almost perfectly straight up’n’down, causing a couple of discs in my neck to blow out.  One completely ruptured and the other bulged so badly it could never heal and restricted my movement (couldn’t look up or pull my chin in).  To this day I still have a smallish “shadow” on my cervical spinal nerve where the disc exploded and a “dent” where the next one down bulged out.  The doctors think that’s why I’m incontinent and really struggle to get hard-ons anymore.

Here’s the rub:  I’ve hated this body of mine forever.  I’m not supposed to get hard-ons in the first place!  I’m supposed to have breasts, hips, hair, a flat front and a curvy bottom, and you should be making passes at me, not vice versa!

So, rather than pursue medical (surgical) options to deal with the urinary and occasional fecal incontinence, I choose to wear diapers and give myself regular enemas.  This way I can kinda (mostly) control the #2 and keep it from happening in public, while I can let my bladder just run on it’s built-in autopilot (which is really random, btw).  Wearing diapers also helps me with tucking!  I can  pull the dick out, pop the balls up inside where they belong, tuck the dick as far back as I can and put my diaper on tight.  Bingo!  A flat front!  And a bit of a poofy bottom!  YES!!

Decade 05 (40 to 47′ish years old):  I’m beginning to feel slightly more confident in my sexuality, though I’m still not comfortable actually trying to seek out anyone special... but yeah - I’m an introvert by nature.  Probably need to get adopted by someone because I’m not sure I’ll ever really be brave enough to really reach out first....  But now I’m able to afford nice diapers, I’m buying women’s jeans/pants/sweaters/onesies, and I’m feeling so much better about myself when I’m able to dress up.  Keeping my chest and legs shaved helps, too.  When I look down and see long, course, curly body-hair... ugh.  Hair in the armpits and groin is what’s normal.  Chest hair?  Get it off!  Looking at myself in the mirror, I still hate many aspects of my physical self, but when I’m freshly shaved, diapered and wearing women’s jeans and a lovely pink sweatshirt or just lounging around in a cute diaper and huge sweater, I’m much more able to ignore the things I don’t like.

Lately, as I’ve begun exploring my sexuality a little more, I’ve discovered the joys of dildos.  Lemmie tell you what, guys.  A traditional male orgasm doesn’t hold a candle to what I’ve felt while playing with a good dildo.  After a good, thorough clean-out in the shower (I have a shower-attachment with multiple nozzles and use the long black rubber one), I’ve used a dildo that’s got a bit of a bend near the tip - it’s shaped like a real penis, normal size (not humongous), with a bit of a crook near the glans.  By holding the balls & suction cup in hand, it can be inserted and moved in-n-out at that perfect angle to stimulate *all* the right spots inside...  I can honestly say I’ve peed, cum, and blew that dildo across the room as my knees hit the floor and I forgot my name during the best, most intense, can’t-walk-for-a-minute whole-body orgasms I’ve ever experienced in my life.  The area between the anus and scrotum feels so very hot and heavy, like it’s going to burst, it’s not truly painful but almost close? - It’s an amazingly satisfying feeling.  I’d love to hear from you girls out there... Are my orgasms anything similar to yours?

Some day, my dream is to meet someone who can understand me, who can feel where I’m coming from, who can love me even when I’m having difficulty loving myself.  Someone who is kind to my broken soul, and who’s idea of a hot date may involve a stop at the adult toy store!

Edited on 01OCT2021:  I’m not looking for a Mommy or a Domme.  I’m an adult with adult responsibilities and concerns.  I’m looking for a partner who’s also fairly self-sufficient.  I own my own home, work full time, and being an introvert I need lots of alone time.  Someone who’s open and accepting of the fact that I’m diapered 24/7/365 and am perfectly capable of changing myself.  And she’ll understand that I don’t just wanna get her out of her jeans for sexy-times, but I also wanna try them on.

Edited again on 02OCT2021:  As I’ve just begun actually  exploring my sexuality, I’m starting to think I seem to fit into the “enby” grouping (even as I don’t like being stuffed into a box, I find myself doing just that, to myself!  Damn categories...).  I don’t know all the lingo yet and it feels like the terminology is a living thing that is always changing.  Even though I’ve always found women to be super attractive, and I also really enjoy wearing women’s clothes and have dreamed of being a woman for decades, every once in a blue moon a guy really turns me on.  I’ve got fantasies about going down on her while he enters me, his hands on my hips pulling me in as he gently thrusts, speeding up slowly as I’m getting wetter, he’s sliding in and out of me faster and faster and I’m lapping up her juices, buried in her scent, the orgasm in all of us building until we simultaneously explode.  Then, once we all have our breath back, each of us gently diapers one another.  The idea of feeling my diaper sticking to my bum as his seed dribbles out of me is really turning me on again right now!  Hearing our crinkles as we move, cuddling in a contented pile, patting bottoms all around.

Am I a “bottom?”  Is there such a thing as an independent “bottom”?  More research is needed!