#so yeah idk if this blog will ever be active again

[number5theboy]

all i'm gonna say is that i find it really difficult to be mad at tua for writing this show the way it has been written since s2

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

actually...

looking at a bunch of my old favorite mutuals blogs that have been inactive for years. i miss them, even if i never really talked to any of them. when you're mutuals with a person for so long they become a comforting presence even without talking. you see them every day and read their posts about their thoughts or feelings or about what's going on in their life and so on. and they just become a part of your daily life in such a subtle way.

and then one day they just never post again. without warning. shit sucks. i actually hate it.

[8aji]

im a lil embarrassed that most of the posts ive posted (duh) as of late were text posts abt me being sick LMFAO n it feels silly to write this but i think i may log out of this acc for a lil while at least on mobile <3

[askthefamous8]

Even if I haven't been very active lately, 9 years is still pretty significant- happy birthday to the blog!

So like Percy up there I'm gonna do so dome reflecting. This blog's where I've often done that for some reason, but here's the tl'dr for blog related stuff.

• I would like to keep drawing stuff but feeling generally unsure in myself, and I'm wondering if all the years of fandom harrassment have caught up with me • I have one big project in mind, I've been dipping my toe into what I'd need to do it. No spoilers but it was one of the first things I played around with this series, so do with that what you will • If I can keep myself drawing, I want to use more of the original source material since I'm struggling with original ideas. So stuff like redraws, hOpEfULlY even animatics, just like what originally got me so into trains yknow? Because that's fun and sparks joy. And that always goes down a treat with you guys so bonus • As always I appreciate you guys not coming after me for being so inconsistent

The rest of this is me doing what Percy's doing in the drawing and reflecting, as there is indeed much 2 think about. It's also a little sad and venty so, there's your warning there.

.

Ok so obviously a busy year, we moved into our new house that we actually own, I spent most of the year planning our wedding, and then got married. Big stuff. Also! I came off antidepressants in the summer. I've been on them for...basically as long as this blog, 6 months after I started it I think. Which also means I'd been on antidepressants my entire adult life. Feels like a big deal and I guess I'm still adjusting.

Another big thing, but sad, is that my dog died about two weeks ago. If you follow me on twitter you'll have seen her but she did make an appearance here a few Halloweens ago

I got her when she was 13 and had her 8 years after that. So that's been difficult. Unrelated to that (probably), but I just feel...really mediocre. And before you point out the obvious, this has been present even before I came off antidepressants. But yeah just... mediocrity. In myself as a person, how I look, what I draw, my whole life really (barring my marriage thankfully). What have I achieved? I'm 26, I'm not working, I don't feel well, my art isn't good (I don't think so anyway- like yeah it's technically fine I guess but it's not, and has never been, very stand-out or impressive). And lately art doesn't bring me the same joy it once did, and I'm wondering if all the years of harrassment from this fandom (mostly the twitter side, tumblr's been pretty good to me) has finally caught up with me and put me off the whole thing. Or worse, that I just don't have as much of an interest in it anymore. I don't think I'll ever be like "ok yep I'm officially done with this blog" because I'm so stubborn but idk. I want to make things and be creative, I want to make more train art, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't know what's wrong. What do you listen to? What you want vs what you feel? I still enjoy train stuff, I love going to Awdry Ex every year. It's been like this for awhile. It's not even like I have a strong feeling of what I'd rather be doing as far as careers go. And even if I did, oh yeah I'm sure my two degrees in animation will be very relevant in another field (sarcasm). I feel adrift. My sails are open but there is just no wind. Planning my wedding gave me something to do and work on and just, feel useful but now that that's over I feel lost again. Losing my dog, who had become the center of my life because of how vulnerable she had become, hasn't helped.

On the more creative side of things, I also don't really know what to do with this blog's story either. The show's ended as far as most people are concerned, and I kiiinda wrote myself into a corner because once Thomas turns 18 he's going to leave for university, and that sets off this whole arc with James but basically the problem is it involves characters leaving and for some reason that feels like a no-no here. Don't get me started on the timeline lol. But Thomas works on a railway on Sodor, that's how it has to be...right? I guess I'm sort of at a crossroads of, ok do I want this to be close to the source material, and thus easily digestible to newcombers? Or do I want to make it more and more my thing and distanced from the source material? I doubt there's many new people coming since the series ended. And even then, there's a lot more humanization artists around now than when I started, so it's not like I'm filling a niche anymore. Just to be clear it's fine and also good that there's more humanization artists, variety is good, I just don't feel as "needed" anymore (which is 100% in my head and not an actual role that belongs to me or something). I started this blog when I was 17, so my interests and what I relate to have changed obviously. The character designs certainly have. It's never followed a super rigid story plan, but the core of it has always been the central cast doing things on Sodor. I however have always had a scene/project/animatic/whatEver in mind for when this 'series' would '''officially''' ''''end''''. But then what comes after that? I've always tried to run this blog like they are Real People that You interact with. But in real life there is no ending to the story, there's always more stuff to come. You get married, and it's wonderful, and then life goes on. The credits never roll. So maybe that's what I'm having trouble coping with...the progression of time. Ah, my old nemesis. I've always had trouble with letting go of things. There's nothing to say that I couldn't still draw stuff after the series "ends". I guess any story after Thomas leaves could be like... a sequel series or a spin off or something. Spin-off of a spin-off. Famous 8 All Grown Up. Famous 8 Qurter Life Crisis. Who knows. I certainly don't.

I've also been really into an original project unrelated to this but those don't get as much attention and while I'd like to do something with it one day, I don't feel very confident in being able to make that happen right now. But you know... as far my as art not being super spectacular goes... I think my individual talent has always been is my ideas, like the writing side of things. And then brought to life with my art, which normally isn't anything to write home about but is good enough to convey the idea and be not-awful to look at, lifts both of them beyond what they were individually. Maybe that's what I should focus on. Maybe that's wishful thinking.

So....idk. Idk what I'm doing but I'm trying to be gentle on myself and just let myself continue to drift, to heal from this heavy loss, and then in the New Year I'll try and pick myself up. Then there will be no more big once-in-a-lifetime events coming up, no more just-moved-into-a-house-and-oh-no-there's-a-bunch-of-things-that-need-attention-NOW scenarios, and no more big holidays for awhile. I guess we'll see.

If you read all of this I am so sorry but also thank you for reading my ramblings. And thank you for being around, whether that's been for a few months or for several years, but especially if it's been several years

[krystella-shifts]

Hi holy shit ok. Idk who else to send this too because I'm unsure about the new blogs on here but I used to be a big blog on loablr before I deactivated in 202...3 I think. Anyway. I recently got back into this because I fully crashed out and decided I wanted my dream life more than I ever have. I made a Pinterest board called "peep game lock in fr" (lmao) and filled it with my dream body, life, friends, money, job, etc etc. I've looked at it religiously since about 3 days ago. I listened to Edward Art again as a refresher, and because I've been around here before it was easy to get back into the swing of stuff. Today was a slightly doubtful day but nothing much.

I am being deadly serious here, I'm not manifesting or scripting, I swear on me and my dog's life here: I have two money-related pins, one showing 10,000 pounds and the other showing 20,000. TELL ME WHY. TELL ME WHY my boyfriend suddenly texts "babe. I'm getting paid at the end of the month and I would never usually do this but I'm going to send you 10,000 pounds to put in your savings." FUCKING WHAT. He has a part-time job and the most I've ever seen in his active account was 2,000. (I was crying real tears going "oh my god. Oh my god it worked.") Bear in mind I don't have a job, I am (was) completely down-to-pennies broke, I'm a uni student, and I've been manifesting for ages but this time. This time it worked within 3 days.

I was like "oh my god babe why??" And he was like "I've been saving to give you stuff so we can buy a house." AGAIN. FLOORED. I have two house-related pins. I'm crying while texting him. He goes "I've been saving my own, and together we'd have 20,000 thereabouts." FUCKING GAGGED. I'm laughing and crying at the same time. How has this worked????? How has he revealed this to me when I started living from the end?

Ok, but what about my other pins? Again, I'm swearing on me and my dog's life; my skin's cleared up after ages, I'm skinnier, I finally have plans to go to the gym after manifesting it for ages, I am getting a ps5, I'm texting a potential new friend, and my brows and lashes have gotten thicker. I am being an adult about this; this isn't wishful thinking or confirmation bias but all of this has been dumped on me since I started 3 days ago. THREE DAYS. THREE. Some things haven't manifested yet but I'm goddamn sure they will after this lmao.

Somehow there are still doubts like "did I really do this????" But the timing and amounts are just... Too perfect. I'm excited for the future, when 3 days ago I was depressed. I'm going to stick around here but oh my god. It worked. I'm in disbelief.

Anyway my advice would be to make a Pinterest board lmao. It worked for me!!!

GIRL YOU SLAYYY 😭🫂💞 And thanks for choosing my blog for this OMG??? And don't mind DMing me cuz WHICH BIG BLOGGER ARE YOU 🧐 (Jk you don't have to tell) I think the deactivation of your acc was like a break you needed 😭 (stop overconsuming y'all it's better to focus on actually living your dream life (I'm looking at you my bestfriend 💀)) and YOU DID MANIFEST IT SLAY GIRLY QUEEN BESTIE don't doubt it! Doubt the doubts cuz "i doubt that it's just a damn coincidence. I definitely did it!!!" And that's exactly what I talk aboutttt 😭 you don't have to lift a finger bro just do what you like (eg making a pinterest board or scripting etc) IT'S SUPER EASY AND EFFORTLESS MANIFESTATION IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNNN! And yeah live in the end who cares when you have your desires stop overthinking.

THANK YOU BESTIEEE CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW HOME 👏🏻🥳🎉 Goodluck

˚˖𓍢ִ໋💞˚.✨⋆🦄

[spacelazarwolf]

lmao k we’re gonna talk abt ashkenormativity and the weird hostility some of y’all have toward non ashki jews.

so yesterday i was trying to have a discussion on this post, and the person responded with this:

and then promptly blocked me.

after which they posted a bunch of bullshit that i am now going to tear to shreds.

regarding the above screenshot:

- if you’re defining yiddish culture as “ashkenazi jews who speak yiddish” you are still erasing multiple communities of ashkenazi jews. italian ashkenazi jews migrated or fled to northern italy during the middle ages, long before the establishment of the pale of settlement, and have a culture that is distinctly influenced by italian culture, not eastern european culture.

- sounds like you’re outright excluding any group of ashkenazi jews who don’t speak yiddish or live in central or eastern europe. which is literally the reason i started the dialogue in the first place.

- talking down to me as if i don’t know what the difference between ashkenazi and sephardi is.

- immediately followed by incorrectly defining ashkenazi. ashkenazim are a group of diaspora jews who originally settled in the ashkenaz. there are many different diaspora languages that ashkenazi jews spoke, including judeo-french, judeo-provençal, judeo-czech, and different dialects of judeo-italian.

- kinda sounds like ur saying eastern european jews who speak yiddish are the only “true” ashkenazi jews????????

- yeah there’s lots of issues surrounding the way eastern european jews were viewed, but that’s not what the conversation was about?????

- it’s not really up to you to have or not have an issue with who identifies as ashkenazi.

- there are many ashkenazi groups that have ties in eastern europe. there are also plenty who don’t. there’s overarching similarities between a lot of different diaspora groups, but that doesn’t make them the same. and that’s ok.

- kinda weird how you say “this is a conversation for the jewish community, infuriating how people disagree with us about our own culture” as if i’m not also jewish?? do you not consider me jewish enough to talk about jewish culture or history?

- it’s clear you’ve researched a lot about eastern european jews. it’s also clear that’s the only group you know anything about.

- this conversation had nothing to do with zionism?????? very fucking weird for u to say this??????? especially when i was literally trying to express that ashkenazi jews are incredibly diverse and can’t just be boiled down to “basically eastern european”??????????

- also again homogenizing all ashkenazi jews under “yiddish culture” when you’ve defined yiddish culture as being distinctly eastern european. which. again. not all ashkenazi jews are.

- didn’t try to correct u on ur own culture bud! tried to get u to see that ur own culture is not actually The Only One.

- “because only a non ashkenazi jew can ever accurately represent ashkenazi culture right?” you’ve got some weird aggression toward non ashki jews you should prob unpack.

- again trying to make this abt zionism when i was literally arguing the opposite.

- also i don’t have a “giant blog” lmfao.

- this is funny to me bc u r literally the one who misdefined ashkenazi?????? and attempted to homogenize all ashkenazim under the label of eastern european????? hello?????????

- “irredeemable zionists” yikes bro.

- literally just me when i can’t read and have no critical thinking skills.

- this to me reads like someone who is trying to invert the concept of ashkenormativity and position themself as a victim of non ashki jews. which is absolutely fucking bizarre.

- you’re claiming i’m “denying yiddish culture” while many of your posts actively erase multiple ashkenazi groups from this culture while simultaneously lumping them all in underneath one umbrella eastern european label. like idk how you managed to be so ashkenormative that you managed to erase other ashkenazi jews but it’s almost impressive.

- gee i wonder what it’s like to have ur culture denied surely as a member of a tiny diaspora group that makes up 0.4% of the global jewish population i have no idea what that’s like!

- you are not advocating for diasporism. you are advocating for your culture and your culture only.

anyway, on to my other rant.

if i want to know how to recite a prayer in the ashkenazi rite, i google it. if i want to learn how to speak yiddish, i download duolingo. it’s easy to find these things because people have worked hard to preserve them. and also because ashkenazi jews make up over 60% of the global jewish population and over 70% of the us jewish population.

italian jews, however, including italian ashkenazim, make up 0.4% of the global jewish population. and i couldn’t even find a number for how many of us there are in the us bc there are that few. if i want to know how a certain prayer is chanted in the italian rite, i have to find 70 year old recordings of italian cantors and rabbis singing them for a musicologist who dedicated his life to keeping the italian rite and italki culture alive after it was devastated by the holocaust, bc the only synagogues that still follow the italian rite are in rome and israel. if i want to know how to speak the language my ancestors would have spoken, i have to take a zoom class at oxford at 6am where we study manuscripts from hundreds of years ago. in 1900, there were 20,000 native speakers of judeo-italian dialects. in 2023 there are almost none.

in order to participate in any sort of jewish life where i live, i have to know ashkenazi culture. i have to know the prayers and the songs and the customs. i have to know the food and the language and history.

but y’all don’t have to know mine.

and every time i try to infuse my own heritage into my practice i’m reminded of that. when i make italian jewish food, people don’t see it as “jewish food.” people hear my last name and assume i’m not jewish because it’s not a “jewish name.” when i use italki hebrew, people try to correct me. i frequently encounter other jews who don’t even know italkim exist. so yeah. it is infuriating when i experience constant pressure to assimilate into the dominant jewish culture of where i live only to be a excluded from discussions about that culture because i’m not part of it. i am part of it. i have to be.

ashkenazi culture is beautiful and diverse and i do genuinely enjoy taking part in it. but it is painful to get constant reminders that i don’t really have a choice. it is painful to have people in your own community see your knowledge of their culture as a given but their knowledge of your culture as optional or doing you a favor.

so basically,

you are not being erased by the reminder that jews who are not like you exist.

[atsvmi]

Isagi’s Interlude

“I wish I wasn’t famous/ I wish I was still in school/ So that I could have you in my dorm room/ I would put it on you crazy” - Cece’s Interlude, Drake

✿ tags: minors dni, 18+ content, pro!Isagi, fem!reader (called good girl, wears a skirt, has cleavage, etc.), established relationship, mention of an age difference (reader is older than Isagi, both are in their 20s), consensual audio recording, role play (university students), switch!Isagi, switch!reader, oral (male receiving), humping, unprotected sex, mentions of virginity but neither is a virgin, purity kink, corruption kink (?), one mention of a spoiler, tbh i think this is pwp but idk

✿ wc: 3.5k

✿ a/n: the time has come that i officially am no longer catfishing as a writing blog🥳 please clap. also, this is my first time writing smut so please be kind<3

“Do you think we’d still date if we knew each other when we were in school?”

Your question is a random but welcomed conversation as you both work to reset your shared kitchen after dinner, you wash as he dries. In the seconds between the next clean dish, he pauses to consider his answer, before choosing to reach for low-hanging fruit.

“Do you mean high school? If so then...I hope not,” he finally answers. He can’t help but laugh as you fling the excess water and soap from your fingers onto him in indignation.

“No, I didn’t mean fucking high school. And quit making me seem like a fucking cradle robber, asshole.” You’ve been together long enough that the four-year age difference between the two of you is little more than a fun fact and a harmless joke at times. He can sense your annoyance is mostly for show but he chooses not to push any further.

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry,” he manages to get out between chuckles, fending himself from the assault of suds. Again he pauses to really think about what could’ve been. What would he have studied? Would he manage to get into a university with a good team? How would you manage to cross paths? He realizes it’s hard to consider anything when he doesn’t know much about your own school experience outside of the anecdotal stories you’ve told him.

“Tell me what you were like in school first.”

You resume washing the dishes, multitasking as you answer him.

“Um…pretty lame honestly. I wrote for the school’s newspaper. I wasn’t super active on campus but that made me get out there more than I would’ve on my own. But I did go to some parties.”

He lets your answer sink in.

“Yeah, I think we would’ve still got along. You don’t sound like you were much different from now so I don’t see why not.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see your lips turn slightly up, pleased with his answer. Cute.

“Do you ever think about your life if things turned out differently? Like if Blue Lock never happened?”

He can’t say he has. Blue Lock changed his life on its head completely, it’s hard to imagine things working out any differently. Tada and the others he went to school with were freshly graduated, at least according to their social media updates, so he supposes he would be too. Yet still, it’s hard to think about something so different than today.

“I dunno. I can’t really picture it. Actually, I don’t even want to. If I didn’t go to Blue Lock then who knows if I’d ever get the chance to play the soccer I want to. I’d probably never get to play professionally either.” He lets his train of thought wander, eventually realizing that without playing professionally, who knows if he’d ever cross paths with you. He buries the thought before it can even fully form and upset himself in the process.

“Yeah, that’s fair,” you conclude as you hand him the final dish. “I’m gonna get ready for bed. Can you just finish up here by sweeping?”

He nods in the affirmative, which you thank with a kiss that just misses his lips before leaving in the direction of the bedroom. Left with only his thoughts he can’t help but think a bit more about what could’ve been.

Obviously, he’d continue playing soccer as long as possible. Sure his high school team wasn’t amazing, but maybe through tryouts he’d end up at a decent enough school. And he’s always liked art class. Maybe he would’ve tried to pursue a fine arts degree? Or physical therapy to help athletes just in case soccer really didn’t pan out. But what then? For someone who’s built an entire soccer career around the ability to visualize a scenario, he really can’t help but to draw a blank.

Distracted by being in his own head, finishing around the kitchen takes longer than usual. When he finally manages to make his way to your shared room, he just manages to hear the sink’s water turn off, a sign that you’re at the tail end of your nightly routine.

He turns down the bed, first removing the many throw pillows you insist are necessary (a mild point of contention in his opinion. After all, what good is a pillow you’re not even allowed to lay on?) and then making himself comfortable using the “sleeping pillows” to prop himself up against the headboard, occupying himself by scrolling on the phone while he waits for you to make your way to bed. Despite it being the off-season he’s scheduled to meet with a trainer to maintain his conditioning so an early night is in order.

The click of the bathroom door opening draws his eyes but more importantly, what you’ve decided to wear to bed has his full attention.

“Baby, you look-” he starts before you cut him off.

“Is this still a good time for the interview?”

“Interview?”

He’s never been so confused in his life. And even worse, he can’t even dedicate half of his mind to start to comprehend what you’re playing at when he’s busy eyeing you from head to toe. The only thing on his mind is the oversized replica of his Bastard München jersey you’ve tied at your waist and the shortest skirt he’s ever seen. If he were to turn you around he’s sure that it’d cover absolutely nothing he’s sure a skirt is meant to. But even more captivating is the pair of thigh highs that indent into your skin the same way his fingers do when he-

“Yes? The post-game interview. I was hoping to get a quote for the paper from the player that scored the winning goal.”

“Uhh…” Is the most intelligent answer he can muster as he watches you climb onto the bed with a pad of paper and pen in hand. The size of the jersey only frames your cleavage as it gapes open thanks to gravity. Eventually, you make yourself comfortable, legs tucked under you and pen poised to take notes of his response.

“Is it ok if I record this,” you ask, sliding your phone on the nightstand, voice recorder rolling once he manages a stiff nod of his head. You continue. “So what were you thinking in that last play? It was pretty amazing if I say so myself.”

“Winning goal?” He should feel embarrassed by the way he can’t pull his eyes from your legs but the slither of skin between where your skirt ends and the socks begin is calling his name. It’s like he’s in high school again the way he can feel the blood rush from his head. Only your groan of annoyance gives him the strength to meet your eyes again.

“Babe, it’s called role play,” you say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe in some ways, it is.

“Right. Role play.” A beat passes. “What exactly are the roles we’re playing?”

The look you give him makes his cock twitch in his pants.

“Obviously, you’re the star of our university’s soccer team and I am the reporter assigned to cover the season. You just scored the championship goal. Aaaand scene,” you drop your pen and paper to clap for extra effect and then grab both again, poised and ready for his answer.

Truthfully, he can hardly keep up with your antics but that’s never stopped him from trying. He’s had enough practice managing eccentric personalities from the cast of characters Blue Lock managed to put together so this is nothing but a cakewalk. The fact he’s in love with you only makes your idiosyncrasies endearing.

“Right.” He clears his throat, buying time. “I try to keep a cool head and focus on the field whenever I’m playing. A championship game doesn’t change that.”

You scratch something down on the notepad before continuing.

“And how do you feel now that you’ve won?”

“It’s a big achievement to win the championship for the school, and even more so to be the one to finish the game. I just hope to do even better next year.”

This time you jot away a bit longer, leaving his attention to wander back to your outfit. He reaches out a hand to appreciate the getup, running his hand up your knee to just under the hem of your skirt.

“Mr. Isagi you seem pretty distracted. Are you sure this is still a good time?”

“Call me Yoichi”. He doesn’t move his hand away when he answers.

Again you put down your props, seemingly for good as they rest next to your phone.

“I suppose this is probably too boring of a celebration for a star player like yourself. I should probably let you go back to the team for a proper congratulations. I’m sure you have quite the fan club waiting for you.”

“I doubt it. I’ve never been that popular.”

With that, you scoot closer, letting your legs fall open so that he can get the slightest glimpse between your legs if your skirt were to ride up even the slightest centimeter.

“That sounds doubtful. Who wouldn’t want a chance with Isagi Yoichi? Ace of the soccer team. Handsome and nice to boot.”

Despite complimenting his personality, your attention is focused on his physique, eyes roaming across his body appreciatively. He doesn’t fail to notice that you linger a second longer where the sheets have started to tent.

“Do you think it’d be ok if I properly congratulated you,” you ask, resting a hand on the sheet, ready to pull it away at a moment’s notice. You both have a healthy sex life, both well accustomed to initiating, but it’s rare for you to be so forward. He might pass out if you wait any longer to touch him.

“Congratulations? What did you have in mind?” Is all he can get out, forcing you to get straight to the point.

“Let me suck your cock. As a congratulations on a job well done.” Your hand cups his length through both the layers of the sheet, his joggers, and underwear, but he swears he could still cum with the slightest amount of friction he’s so wound up.

“Yeah. Yes. Please.” He’s near breathless, he wants you so badly.

Not a second is wasted before you have him bare from the waist down. He completes the look by pulling his shirt over his head, throwing the offending article wherever it chooses to land. All the while, you shimmy yourself down between his legs. Sure he’s the one fully naked but the eroticism of the sight before him already has him on the brink of cumming.

His name emblazoned between your shoulder blades is something he still has yet to learn to be normal about, but more than that, he finds that he was right about your skirt not covering an inch of your backside. However, what he wasn’t expecting was for it to perfectly frame the curve of your ass since you’ve apparently decided to forego underwear.

“Fuck me,” he gets out in only a puff of air.

“In due time, Mr. Yoichi,” is all you offer before kissing the mushroom tip, smearing the precum that’s collected on your lips, and then swallowing all that will comfortably fit in your mouth. It takes all the strength he can muster to not instinctively buck into you but he can’t hide the deep groan that comes out involuntarily as he meets the entrance of your throat.

“Fuck. You’re so good at this. Always so good,” he offers as he bundles your hair into his fist, slowly guiding you up and down his length. The praise leads you to moan around him, getting him even closer to the brink of cumming.

To get a better view he props himself up on one shaky arm, massaging all that he can reach, as you use your other hand to fondle his balls. Mere minutes pass before he starts to feel the familiar pit of pleasure begin to grow in his belly and it takes all his willpower to pull you off of him before he cums from the added stimulation. It’s next to a miracle that he manages to hold off even after he’s pulled you off once he sees the thick strings of saliva that still connect the two of you.

“I wasn’t done yet,” you have the audacity to pout.

“I didn’t want to cum yet,” he answers. Even to his own ears, he sounds debauched.

While still catching his breath he pulls you close, encouraging you to straddle him. You do and let out quiet moans as you rut your bare pussy against his length. Despite being so close to cumming before, he’s happy to let you do as you please. When your legs eventually tire, he switches to using both hands on your waist to manhandle you the way he knows you like.

“Tell me how you feel, sweetheart.” He can’t get enough of your sounds, no matter how small. To see how much of a mess you’re making he flips the front of your skirt, his tip coming in and out of view as he rocks you back and forth.

“So good, Yoichi. Your hands feel so good.”

He knows it’s not enough to get you off, that you need more. Eventually, he stops, pulling you down so that your chests meet. If you really want to role play, he figures he should get into the role he’s been assigned.

“Is there more to my award,” he asks, hands roaming under the jersey and under your skirt. There’s nowhere his hands don’t explore while he waits for your answer.

“W-what more do you want?”

He moves his right hand so that it’s between your bodies, spreading your pussy lips so that he can fully appreciate the wetness that’s accumulated. He uses his full palm to rub your clit while he answers.

“You said you’d fuck me in due time, yeah? Or were you all talk?”

“Um…about that.” Your eyes are fluttering, struggling to stay open and focus on his words. He feels like he’s on top of the world seeing how he can ruin you. “I have to t-tell you something.”

“I’m listening baby.” His voice is muffled as he leaves kisses across your neck and cheeks. Anywhere he can reach while you still use him to get off.

“I’ve never done this before.” Your eyes meet.

The proverbial record scratches and again he’s confused.

“What do you mean, you’ve never done this before?” Sure you both have busy schedules but there’s no way this is new to either of you. As a matter of fact, it couldn’t be more than a week since he had you in this exact position-

“I was a virgin when I got to college,” you whisper directly in his ear.

Again you have the upper hand as it feels like he’s been doused with a bucket of ice. The feeling only lasts a second though before it feels like every nerve lights up once he connects that this is still a part of the scene you’ve conjured. Oh.

The idea of you as a virgin has never crossed his mind once until this very moment. Given the age you were when you met, he had no reason to give it consideration. It’s not like he was even a virgin when you met. He makes a mental note to do some soul-searching later to find out why he’s rock hard and nearly brought back to the brink of cumming at the mere idea.

“Do…do you want to keep going?”

You laugh. A full out belly laugh.

“Yoichi, you're so cute. Only you would still be so considerate even in a fantasy.”

If all the blood in his body wasn’t occupied he’d probably blush at your teasing.

“I fucking love you,” you emphasize with a kiss. “Yes, I want to continue.”

Not another word is needed before he’s fully plunged back into the world you’ve created. No, he's never thought about you as a virgin but now that the seed has been planted he’s going to absolutely ruin you.

Within a breath, he’s switched your positions, now with you on your back and him pulling your legs onto his lap as he sits above you.

“Tell me if anything is too much, ok?” He preambles before he sucks both his ring and middle fingers, slowly pushing in one finger, then the other when he deems you ready.

Now that you’re fully on display for him he can’t help but stare. Again, the skirt hides absolutely nothing but he does push the jersey so that your tits are on display for him as well. Seeing you dressed but so exposed has his head swimming.

“You’re so pretty. Prettiest thing I’ve seen on campus.” If he’s going to play along, then he might as well go all out.

He bends at the waist to take in one tit, using his tongue to lick at and bite your nipple, before turning his attention to the other all the while he doesn’t stop pumping his fingers into you.

“Yoichi, please. I need you,” you whine.

He takes pity on you and moves from your chest and back up to your lips, kissing you deeply. God, he’s so in love with you.

“I’m sorry, baby. I just wanted to make sure you were good and ready. I want to make sure I don’t hurt you.”

“I promise I’m ready.”

“Ok, ok. I hear you. But can you do me a favor and clean my fingers for me?”

As soon as his request hits his ears your mouth falls open in a way that can only be described as obedient. He lets you suck at both his fingers until he removes them himself, the way your tongue slips between them turning him on all the more.

“So good for me. I really am a lucky guy, huh?” He watches you preen under his praise as he reaches next to your head for an extra pillow, lifting your hips to situate it underneath you.

“Ok, if you need me to stop just tell me, ok? For any reason.” You nod your head yes.

“Need to hear you say it.”

“Yes, Yoichi. I promise.”

“That’s my good girl.”

He locks his hand in yours before he finally presses into you, both of you moaning as he works his hips into you. It’s a fantasy, sure, but he’s as mindful as he can be to be slow and let you get accustomed to him, even if it’s far from your first times, or even 48 hours since he last fucked you.

He’s captivated by the way your mouth falls open as he fucks into you. It’s familiar but entrances him every time. When you give the go ahead he increases his pace, working at that spot he knows gets you there the fastest.

“More, need more,” and he knows exactly what you need, licking his thumb before rubbing against your clit in tight circles. It’s only through time and experience that he knows exactly how to work your body, confirmed by the way you babble his name as if it’s the only word you know.

“You’re taking me so well. Feel so good, so tight. Can feel you squeezing me. You gonna cum for me?”

“Yeah. Gonna cum for you. So fucking close.” You’re wrecked.

“I know, baby. Tell me what you need.”

“Kiss me.”

Your wish is his command, him meeting your waiting mouth. It’s barely a kiss as you can hardly meet his mouth between your moans but he swallows them all dutifully. It’s when your back arches and you fall near silent beside one final cry of his name does he know that you’re cumming. He pulls away to watch you fall apart.

“That’s my girl. So beautiful. Let it out for me.” The vice around his cock makes it difficult to fuck you through your orgasm but he powers through. Only once you relax does he rut into you a few more times before he loses himself, filling you as deeply as he can manage.

It’s silent once he collapses next to you, both catching your breath. When he catches his breath before you he departs with a peck to your lips before he leaves for the bathroom, returning with a damp rag.

“If that’s what I missed out on then I wouldn’t have minded going to school,” he breaks the reverie, cleaning between your legs before his cum has a chance to cool and become uncomfortable.

“Well, I’m glad everything worked out the way it did. Now I can have you all to myself,” you smile at him. He thinks his heart might burst.

“Yeah…that’s true too. Maybe everything worked out the way it did so that we could meet each other?”

“God, you're so sappy. Gross.” You both know you don’t mean it.

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.” He once again bends at the waist to meet your lips. Gross or not he’s glad things aligned to this very moment.

You meet him halfway, sitting up on one arm to brush away his damp bangs. When you pull away you meet his gaze.

“I really, really do fucking love you, Yoichi”.

Yeah, he’s sure he’d meet you in every universe.

[paloma-ascends-into-hellfire]

mutuals! (alphabetical order)

sorry in advance for the tags, love you all

@ace-of-pussy - monday - just a cool person i admire from afar, i feel blessed that she follows me

@akari-is-sleepy - my irl, they never post or rb anything but i love them so much

@archerestarcher - archer - we don't really interact but he's super cool and is one of my oldest moots

@auroraofthesun1 - aurora - she’s so so cool and i’m so honoured to be her mutual

@awful-amateur - everett - we don't really interact but i think they're one of my pjo mutuals?

@a-wondering-thought - julian - julian is my cool mutual and they have an impeccable vibe

@barblarvernour - an enabler of my starkid brainrot

@book-girl4eva - bea - i want to adopt her, she's so amazing and sweet and she just- UGH

@caked-rainbow - have we ever interacted, like ever? idk but i like the shitposts they reblog

@casperwazhere - casper - every time i see one of his posts i'm like, "oh yeah, so real"

@cavernfullofexistentialdread - dread - we are the same person, prove me wrong.

@closetnerd62 - very cool person

@dafantasyqueen - shree - literally one of the coolest people i follow

@despisinglight - i find their blog extremely entertaining

@dingus0401 - gen - my internet bestie fr

@duckgens - starkid/tcb

@erikasnothungry - erika

@evenbiggercat - cat - my irl, love her, i’m gonna make her watch more musicals with me :)

@finleyforevermore - finn - activism and musicals, he's supremely cool

@fulllighttrash2

@gonna-live-just-to-spite-you - caesar - pretty sure the most interesting posts i find through him

@hungergameswho - nox - I LOVE NOX THEY'RE SO COOL

@iam1withthepeggy - kate - fellow band/choir/theatre kid

@iloveeverythingwaytoomuch - emz - when emz starts posting, it's time to get out the popcorn because their brain is truly unhinged

@im-on-crack-send-help - riyana - most relatable person on the planet

@ketsisnotok - kets - SO COOL OMG I'm so honoured to bee your mutual <3

@leaskisses444/@oceanbby555 - lea - she's so nice omg

@leonard-martin - one of my hatchetfield moots

@louissatturi - louis - again, don't really interact but occasionally his stuff comes up and i'm given an update on what he's up to

@luvuanaxx

@marvelmaniac715 - katie - obsessed with david tennant and other things i don't really understand so I just kind of do an awkward thumbs up, like, "oh cool you're into this"

@mimmmyyy - mara - the sweetest person ever, she is literally the coolest

@musical-dash-trash - *points at you* GAYYY

@mylittlevsoldier - sage - sage is so aesthetic and i'm shocked that they ever followed a mere peasant such as myself

@my-mind-is-frozen - willow - definitely one of the nicest, most chill people i've ever met and i need to meet her someday

@paranormaltheatrekid - elliot - feeds my insanity

@sondheim-girly - jean - AMAZING PERSON AND IM SO GLAD WE MET, musical theatre <33

@st4r-fire - star - she is absolutely insane and i love her

@sukiram - suki - never active but when they are i love talking to them

@tharealamelialuvsfrasier - mel - feeds the rent brainrot

@thehyperfixationspeedrunner - bea - AMAZING EPIC THE MUSICAL PERSON

@therealkaidertrash21 - ema - fellow latine and lunar chronicles stan

@the-slowest-turtle - turtle - truly incredible human being

@thezachy - epic the musical stuff and shitposts

@wants-to-marry-sirius-black - ara - genuinely so cool and nice and amazing i love her sm

@wlinixy - linn

@xxxmiaxxx

[campbyler]

the ppl that complain abt updates are actually so bewildering to me bc im literally 2k words into my fic and it has taken SO LONG 😞 not to mention the fact that no matter how long i wait for your updates, i truly never get bored because i js come on your tumblr everyday to see what you guys have been posting on here and it 100% makes up for the long awaited updates (not that you have anything to make up for anyway) you guys are truly SO incredible for what you do bc i could NEVER 😭 i literally talked to my friend abt ur fic and how the waits are usually long (wasn’t complaining abt it) and she was like “oh my god i could never wait that long for a fic” and i immediately came to your defense and was like “yeah but it’s okay bc the long ass chapters always make up for it and the fact that they post on tumblr almost daily”

prefacing my accidental ramble by saying that if we ever seem disproportionately annoyed at something someone said then it’s definitely because it is not disproportionate to Us!! little comments and things like that add up over time, so it’s rarely about just that one thing someone says and absolutely more of an overarching pattern that gets tiring really fast. and not to dredge everything back up again bc it’s rare that we get someone being super weird and rude outright about longer or delayed update times but we get soooo so many asks or comments etc like the one thea answered earlier which just include little remarks that come off as just passive aggressive and just kind of kill the vibe of getting a really nice message?? very much like “oh i miss when we only had to wait a couple weeks for updates but your fic is so good!” or “this was so good but don’t know how im going to wait months for the next chapter :(“ and just stuff like that which gets pretty frustrating over time, especially when they’re coming from people who blew through a 30k update in like 45 minutes lol. we see so much of this over on twt especially, maybe because we’re not as active there and people are not saying it To Us so they think we don’t see it but there’s also a lot of likeeeeee “i want to start acswy but im Traumatized by authors abandoning their fics so im just waiting until they’re done” or “i want to catch up but the update intervals are so long😭” and that sort of thing which is also just kind of frustrating to see come up over and over again, esp bc sometimes people have actually said that to us? like in our inbox??? for some entirely unknown reason??? like why are you telling us on this blog that you don’t want to read our fic until it’s done. good luck getting through 500k in one sitting then idk what to tell you 🤷🏽‍♀️

anyways all that to say thank you so much for your message of support it’s very much appreciated! sometimes the demands (even if they’re said as a joke) and little side comments that are slipped into really nice messages can def make us feel like our readers see as us people who are putting out a product and not people who are just trying to share a passion project with our little corner of the internet, but we also know that most of you are not like that and especially the people who regularly interact w this blog and send in asks and comments are so lovely! thank you for coming to our defense 🫡

[konaiiro]

★ Art Tag ★

thanks for tagging me to play @doshiart @spookygingerr @michellemisfit

Have you always been interested in creating art? Kinda? No? Not sure. I think I've always been interested in art in the 'wow, thats cool' way, not really creating though.

What's your favourite medium to use? If digital, what programs do you like? I taught myself to draw on digital (wacom intus medium i still use) and have the free program firealpaca - im too lazy to change now. I've owned sketchbooks to take with me and it's good but I don't think I'll ever really get over not having the command + z tool.

Do you create outside of fandom? A little, I've got ocs who I draw occasionally.

Share something you haven't finished and/or never got around to posting OH so many, its not funny. But here's a more recent piece which was initially for AFTG pride zine. It was so good, I just couldn't make it work for WEEKS. I ended up switching up and doing something else.

Favourite piece you've made? OH well, i've got a few but this would be my pick for 'konaiiro wrapped'.

Draw your icon in a minute or less - pass!! :,)

An underrated piece you've made in your opinion

you lads slept on this one (forced to screenshot from instagram bc its old and i can't find the file and, as established, im lazy). So much wrong with it and yet i fuck with the vibes and texture and expression and pose- UGH

Do you do art in a professional setting? No, not really. I've done comms in the past and I was going to go do animation in uni, but found that i like to keep my creating up to me. I would be open to run comms again, but under a different structure I think.

A piece you don't like but did really well on social media

yall flocked over these two idk. i like them enough just,, i'm so aware about all the mistakes lmao.

Post an old piece and compare it to your most recent, what are the similarites? I've done some redraws so NOW is a perfect time.

Ian and Mandy (March 2022 vs September 2024)

i think from a creation perspective, i know my base lineart is much cleaner and rendered.

Background is,, actually there lmao. It kicked my ass to draw but it happened.

Style has changed a tonne to more realistic (?), proportions are less all over the place.

effects are just better

I can actually draw hands huzzah!

They actually have a skin tone (+freckless!!)

Have you ever collaborated with another artist/s?

Yeah! A tonne; for events, challenges, zines, charity art calendars (hint hint aftg 2025 calender sales end 31st of Oct, all profits go to help those access gender affirming care.)

What piece has the most notes? Are you surprised?

I've been active on tumblr from around the start of the year, but I think its this one?

Who/What is your favourite subject matter?

honestly i think my blog name summarises better than I ever could.

Show us something not from fandom you've made

old oc art

Where do you like to create?

Desk in my bedroom! I like facing my window so I can look out like some tortured artist when my eyes need a break.

Give yourself a shoutout, where can we commission/buy/follow you for more pieces?

I'm on twitter, tumblr, instagram all are @konaiiro !!

Any mutuals, if you've made it this far, this is me tagging you lmao

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

how so this is kinda dumb and embarassing which is why I'm on anon even tho you're really sweet and nice but there's this one blog I adore and the person who runs it is AWESOME but I'm sooooo nervous about trying to become friends with them😭 I was just wondering if you had any advice and if not you can delete this sorry

Heyyyy no sweat! I totally get this, ngl, I had the same thing. Idk what exactly your situation or relationship with them is right now, but I'll tell you what mine was.

There was this blog I stumbled across which was SO COOL and she was clearly utterly intelligent and loved Jesus and just overall amazing and seemed a lot similar to myself. So I just started spamming her asks and was delighted with her answers. Then I DM'd her about how one of her answers where she used a personal life example was similar to mine, and she asked me to elaborate, and we went back and forth a tad about shared experiences.

Then I continued to just- spam her notifs and go back and forth in her asks a lot lol. Not as like a cry of attention, because I really and truly did admire her and agreed (and still do) with like 95% of the things she says (and to this day once in a while I'll go ? over her proccess of arriving at her conclusions, but I almost always agree with her conclusions, because they are *biblical* and follow literary analysis incredibly well, and etc etc etc [you can tell I really like my friend lol]), and I wanted to interact with her more, but if that was a byproduct I wasn't going to say no.

Then one day my other friend dared me to tag her in a post and straight-up ask her to follow me. Which. Took a lot of guts bc at that point SHE WAS STILL INTIMIDATING TO ME but it worked then bam we were mutuals and life was beautiful. Don't know how I pulled that off lol.

Then fast forward to me just continuing to be myself and talking into her ask box and comments a lot, accidentally tricking her to like me (seriously I have NO idea how or why she likes me sometimes ack), and maybe trauma dumping asking for help and advice for things we've both struggled with a time or two, and her introducing me to seemingly almost every piece of media she likes ever and me falling in love with it all, and now she says I'm her online best and closest friend. And yeah, same for me. <3 Love you my best friend.

She's only slightly intimidating to me now, that that's when I'm going through my own issues lol, its not on her, just my brain being dumb. (oh yeah big thing with this is to not trust your feelings about someone being intimidating- just go for it! Scary but people are a lot more open to friendship than you think) I lovingly annoy her alllll the time now and she seems to appreciate it, so! There's that! Yay! Greatest platonic love story of all time or whatever.

I don't know if basically annoying them into liking you would work, but it worked for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Try over and over and over again to establish connection and invest in them personally and really and truly do get across that you love and care for them is what I'd say.

And actually the biggest thing I've found about people that may be intimidating is that they just have a different way of communicating than I do. I'm naturally inclined to reach out a bunch, and bring up things with others first, and connect over people who share my strong opinions, and I do get a bit gushy about what I like about people and telling them about it, and such, but that's not everyone! And the fact that you might be the one DMing first, or bringing up different topics first, or asking for advice or just to casually chat first, or anything first, doesn't automatically mean they don't like you! Could just not be their preference. There's a difference between someone just not thinking to reach out first and actively ignoring or not caring for you. Or with like, I don't know, compliments. Not everyone lives and breathes those. But maybe with the person you're thinking of, they're not common but very much deserved and just as loving, but more 'rare'.

I hope this helped in some way!

[delliebre]

what the f i just stumbled upon ur profile today and i have to say its the most gorgeous art ive ever seen im being serious i am in absolute awe.. i need to have it hanged on my wall omg you are so talented!! if you dont mind could you share a little bit about your art journey/how long youve been actively practising and how you found your style?

Hiii wow thank you!! I had made an art journey post a few months ago but deleted it I think.. but basically I started like how most artists do with paper and stuff. I began as a small child, inspired by my father, wanting to impress him and to overall create things.

I have been actively practicing digital art since 2018 that is when I got a drawing tablet and wanted to seriously improve.

See my instagram acc: nonnydoge. Most of my old works from when I was...12 to now? Idk but I kept some up despite embarrassment. The first ones I did on my phone I loved using Ibispaintx but I started digital art with the sony sketch app.

I have always loved thick-like brushwork in art. But I thought I should not pursue it because I was not very good and pursuing a style before finding footing in fundamentals, I knew, was not how I wanted to stump myself. So I did not focus much on style for years as means to improve. But I felt really bad each time I made high detail, rendered work... despite how silly and stupid that sounds. It was not the look I wanted to create with.

I look up to some artists with high quality, super detailed work, but I do not want to create like that. My favorite painting I have done, it is an acrylic painting I did in like 10 minutes... it is simple.

I am a nerd lol I get emotional looking at some paintings of trees simply because they are painted so well.

I just really love looking at paintings that do not do all the work for me. I love finding it. I love mess.

And yet when I create work that is like that, I still feel really bad. I think others will then think I do not even know how to "render" or detail. But I can... I have done it for years.. and it is my own self-doubts and insecurity that stop me often from just leaving paintings that are messier, that I enjoy the look of... so I end up rendering them further, pushing them into a style that, when it is done and I step back from, I hate.

It is stupid. I feel bad when I create high-detail, sharp work, and I feel bad when I create messier, painterly work... I think then you can understand my hatred for my art every day lol....

It does not help with the things I have been told, either, since creating looser work :/

But anyway. It took maybe 3 years for me to feel a bit happier since starting with ps in 2018 with my improvement. I think my most popular work is from 2021? It is detailed. I do not think it is bad, I just do not, and I know at the time did not, want to draw like that and was upset with myself at the end of it.

2018 - 2021 so 13-16 here

but this is also a 2018 😂:

In checking the profile, you can determine when I started to make "decent" work lol.

In recent years, I have not been "grinding" learning art any much more.. I am just coasting ig even tho ik I shoulddd be practicing more. My friends, like, everyday practice for HOURS in a discord call and wow I don't even like drawing for more than 30 mins☠️ Sometimes I join them but they are just my podcast lol I love them and their art <3

anyway.. I am SO happy that when i was 17 I made this blog because it allowed me to draw and post humans more!

Thank you again!!

I am very thankful for all who have been so kind to me and my art!! I never would have imagined!! I also never would have imagined my absolute favorite digital painters, those who I have looked up to since beginning my journey saw my art and followed me!!!

It is crazy.

Yeah I feel like an absolute shit artist every day LOL but still I do appreciate everyone who is kind to me I am just my biggest hater and doubter.

[whyisstarkidfollowingmeshoo]

Speaking of that RENT show with Jeff Blim…

Jeff revealed they still owe him $1,000 for the job. It's nuts. It's crazy. Watch starting on 1:37:03 mark below.

A while ago, I posted on my main blog about another artist not getting paid fairly, but that was by a big corporate company. It reminded me that Jeff wasn’t paid for his role as Roger for a small independent theater company. Big or small, companies should pay their workers (contractual or not) fairly.

The company behind the RENT show — I may have their name wrong, tho — is called Cupcake Theater. I don’t know if Jeff will ever work for them again, but it's not like he was happy to mention that he hasn't been paid yet. That said, he did share that he was happy to perform in the musical after the whole COVID pandemic, and that in some way, it was kind of like payment.

Also, let me remind you that Jeff and Jon Matteson raised a lot of money on Twitch to continue the RENT show, so it’s wild that the company still hasn’t paid the artist who helped them keep it going. And honestly, a lot of people probably watched the show because of Jeff. The most viewed videos on LA TheatreSource’s YouTube channel features, you gueeeessseddd it!!!"

Also, they used videos of Jeff for marketing on IG. They knew he has a bigger fanbase than the others, so it’s verrrry contradictory that they didn’t pay him — especially since that kinda goes against the show’s message. Maybe. Kinda. I’ve only read the summary and watched bits of RENT, so yeah.

Jeff wasn’t mad or anything, maybe just disappointed, but it would be nice to hear that he finally got paid, even if it’s a delayed payment from back in 2022 or whenever. IDK. Like, what the fuck? Don’t scam your artists.

Anyway, I hope this doesn’t blow up into something negative (did not expect this to get so long either), because Jeff was pretty chill about it, despite still being owed $1,000. But maybe him being so nonchalant about it is part of the reason why he still hasn’t been paid. Or maybe he got tired of following them up about it and gave up and swore not to work with them again, and hopefully told other artists. But unfortunately Cupcake Theater is still pretty active.

Also yeah if anyone from Cupcake Studios is reading this, please pay Jeff or else (lol jk but srsly tho what the fuck. He said he hasn't been paid yet. What's your side of the story?)

Jeff Blim, you beautiful, stupid, scammed artist. You need that $1,000 for your coffee fund. It’s the only thing that makes you happy during your livestreams.

Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

[marcelinesghost13]

Hi Blog,

So a lot of things have happened in the last couple days. So I figure this would be a good time to get this she shit out of my head.

Let's start off with wife okay... So she is doing her normal negative hot and cold BS like always when she text me.. but today she asked me to give her a call. So I called her and asked wants up. She said that her lawyer called her and told her that the cop she filed a report with Putin a false report to get her in trouble. That's why the DA is going after my wife and the doing have and real evidence to charge her with anything. So here's the kicker she wants me to give her $1000 for the lawyer can try the case for her. I told her I'll figure out away to get her the money. She needs a good lawyer that way he can turn around and sue the city for lying about what happened.

So there's a person I've been talking to on one of my social media accounts. They are very nice and kind to me. Plus I'm actually attracted to them... Which I wasn't expecting. I really do like talking to them a lot about different things. Then also make me laugh a lot. The part that sucks is IDK if I'm ready for new relationship now. Yet there's something that pulls me to them and I understand why. I keep telling myself it's best I'm alone right now for I can figure out me. Then again it could be my hormones just being crazy and fucking with me. Well in any case I feel so hot for them it drives me crazy sometimes. I totally understand and know we'll never be together ever and over time they will just fade away maybe.

Okay as for other stuff going on... Couple days ago I showed up at work was full on girl makeup and posted a photo on Tumblr and Facebook. I made a lot of the guys very nervous and uncomfortable. To the point where one of my Sergeants had to talk to me about what was going on. He didn't know I was a trans girl. The needless to say the conversation was a bit awkward for him. But after I explained everything he was okay. Also I got a haircut well more like a trim . I asked a hairstylist to give me something more girl like but she didn't really understand me so all I got was the trim. I can totally feel like the missing hair. I know that sounds silly and crazy but it's totally true. There's days that drives me fucking crazy then there's like two inches missing and I know it. It'll grow back and I'll get used to it I'm just not there yet.

What else happened to me I bought my first sports bra. I'm very proud of myself for doing the research and figuring out what size I am because after all I do have breath..... and I'm not talking about man boobs. My doctor actually did a test to see if they were just like I said man boobs or if they were actual breasts and yeah they really are. She told me that I should have been wearing a bra since puberty. I did not even know that. So I went out and I got me a sports bra. And I actually like it. It feels more natural to me to have something like that on. I like the material I like the feel of it. I like the fact that it holds my girls in place. I've told my Queens about what I did... Some of them want me to start getting like other types of bras but my oldest sister she's like just stick with the sports bra you're just way too active. And I'm going to have to agree with her about that. I did try a couple other bras on which element and I do not like the feel of them. I'm just way too much of a tomboy to wear some of those other types of bras.

Then yesterday I went to the eye doctor and haven't been there in a couple. She years. The eye doctor said that my eyes are actually getting better and that I should start taking a special kind of vitamins to help my eyesight. I told her okay I will definitely do that. After the appointment is over I got some contacts which are so nice and comfortable... I so totally missed having contacts. Also got a pair of very girly cat looking glasses I absolutely love what they look like and once I get them I will be definitely taking a photo.

As far as day goes I get to meet my new counselor for the very first time I am so beyond nervous to meet her. I don't know how it's going to go I don't know which is going to want to talk about I just don't know and I'm so scared. I'm sure everything will be okay and I'm probably totally overthinking. The only thing I hope I don't do is cry. So after that is said and done I will probably write a blog about it.... I definitely know I'll write a blog about it. That would be everything that has happened in the last couple days. I've done so many different first this week. Just one more baby step after another baby step. I know at some point I will eventually get to my goal.

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[hencheri]

yeah, tell me you have no empathy without telling me you have no empathy :) I’d suppose you don’t even stan nct so why you ended up here idk, but this isn’t a moment to fight!? and over that, absolutely fucking not. like, you can’t deny the fact you’re attacking me/trying to pick a fight because why you are bringing up other groups and their silence about palestine? this is a WHOLE different situation. we’re talking about a man who is involved in a sex crime and we know this is 99% true with how sm handled the situation. this is not about kpop. this is not about who’s better as a stan!?

now about the members being with him, I mean, just how you said it and brought it up, I know you don’t stan or used to stan nct, whatever your feelings are. you have no concerns whatsoever, you use skull emojis like it’s a big fat joke, and it’s even brought up as a mocking way. the concerns about if they knew or not is valid, after all we were all shocked by the news and disgusted to hear that, especially from a member like taeil who we would have confidently said wouldn’t ever hurt a fly. but obviously, we thought wrong and we don’t even know how to process this (again, he was immediately kicked out of the group by how serious the case is. nobody saw it coming). but you clearly don’t care about any more potential offenders, as long as it’s not your faves, right? idk, this reaction is just straight up vile im my opinion. I know disgusting people are using this in fan wars as usual because they have no sense of morality, but seeing it in my dms? by one of my own followers probably? yeah, just shows me some of you are really devoid of any empathy. you don’t care about the victims, like I just answered an ask that was sympathizing with taeil and literally not believing the victims, and you tell me to calm down?? ofc I’m not calm like half the people right now because they learned that the person they liked is in fact horrible and has hurt people in the most cruel ways! I just stood up for what I believe in and it’s that no matter what, victims should be believed. this is not rumours about dating, this is not ‘pick a side’, the only right thing to do is not support taeil in any way and show that you believe the victims. give your support to them and to SA survivors in general.

and lastly, how is fanfiction promoting nct? like, am I getting a bill by sm for doing it? idk why I’m specifically getting laughed at by you and attacked when we’re more than that in the fandom, right? or am I the only one? idk. let’s repeat that taeil was kicked out of nct. he is no longer doing activities, he will not appear anywhere, like basically sm do not want to do anything with him anymore which is good!! that man doesn’t deserve a career. I don’t even think he’s gotta get money anymore, but in the end, I wasn’t giving him a boost or promoting his ass by writing fanfiction about his members. idk why the entirety of nct should be brought down too, saying they knew is just speculations and honestly speculations can be very harmful too. the news are fresh, and I’m still sick about it. idk why I’m getting attacked by randos on the internet for still having fics up on a blog that literally has 200 followers. like idk what’s your goal, but it’s not as truthful as you think it is. it’s not helping anyone and surely not the actual victims. dw, I saw your other ask and it’s just stupid and insensitive. I’m very serious rn, and I honestly don’t think you are. I wrote a lot but idc, this is not your silly ‘gotcha’ moment, this is real lives that have been destroyed by someone famous who deserves jail time for all the horrible shit he did.

[angelastrology]

ok instead of answering individual asks i'm just gonna say this- i've been rather absent from this blog for the past year and a half simply because i didn't feel like posting or coming here at all. tbh most of my mutuals that blogged about astrology deleted or have been inactive too so for a while when i came on tumblr it wasn't even to look at anything astrology related, which rendered this blog mostly useless (not that i've been much on my main one either

so i'm not very active on social media overall but twitter is what i use the most right now, both for astrology content and entertainment in general. if you want to find me there it's @venusianfairyy but it's mostly a personal account and i don't really post original content

as far as posting content on here, i still get asks about astrology moodboards and memeboards and such and while i appreciate that you enjoy them, i can't promise that i'll continue them. i did that for fun and i still have some in my drafts that i might finish and post eventually but idk if i'll ever do those regularly again. other than that, i'll probably still come here occasionally to blog about whatever i feel like, answer asks, etc. but yeah if you send me an ask keep in mind that it might not always be a quick reply

on another note, i started studying astrology more formally and my friend who's been doing astrology professionally has been preparing some classes for me so i'm excited about that! and i may be able to offer readings which is something that i also get asks about sometimes, so when the time comes i'll let you know ☆