#i also became more inactive initially because i got busy

[angelastrology]

ok instead of answering individual asks i'm just gonna say this- i've been rather absent from this blog for the past year and a half simply because i didn't feel like posting or coming here at all. tbh most of my mutuals that blogged about astrology deleted or have been inactive too so for a while when i came on tumblr it wasn't even to look at anything astrology related, which rendered this blog mostly useless (not that i've been much on my main one either

so i'm not very active on social media overall but twitter is what i use the most right now, both for astrology content and entertainment in general. if you want to find me there it's @venusianfairyy but it's mostly a personal account and i don't really post original content

as far as posting content on here, i still get asks about astrology moodboards and memeboards and such and while i appreciate that you enjoy them, i can't promise that i'll continue them. i did that for fun and i still have some in my drafts that i might finish and post eventually but idk if i'll ever do those regularly again. other than that, i'll probably still come here occasionally to blog about whatever i feel like, answer asks, etc. but yeah if you send me an ask keep in mind that it might not always be a quick reply

on another note, i started studying astrology more formally and my friend who's been doing astrology professionally has been preparing some classes for me so i'm excited about that! and i may be able to offer readings which is something that i also get asks about sometimes, so when the time comes i'll let you know ☆

[oneoftheprettynerds]

Fixed: Dark!Steve x Reader (Mob AU)

Chapter 4 in the Lipstick and Crayons Series.

Chapter 3: Love So Soft

Main Masterlist

A/N: It’s shorter than my usual updates but I’m busy so sorry for the delay. My final exam dates have come and all I can do is pray right now lol. Please pray for me if you can, this sis is out here writing fanfics for yall instead of studying so, haha. ANyways, enjoy babies! Shit happens in this chapter.

Warning: Non-Con, Sickening Threats, Mob Themes, Violence, Death, Manipulation, a mild mental breakdown, Cheap Tricks.

Genres + Characters: Mob AU, Single Parents AU, Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Steve can’t ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can’t get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob.

Word count: 5K

Chapter 4: Fixed

You didn’t sleep that night. Or the next few. Your hands shook every time you got a flashback and even though you were numb to emotions that entire day, tears threatened to spill whenever your mind took to you to that overpriced kitchen again.

Now that he had gone to a dangerous and unnerved assaulter from a Dad trying to take care of his daughter, your mind wouldn’t put anything past him. You knew that in the back of your mind that he was a mobster and your ‘friendship’ was alarming to say the least, but now there was no denying his resources and power and the very obvious threat to your life lingering in the air.

At least before you had the luxury to be oblivious and ignorant, not anymore though. Steve felt even more unhinged and liberal now, even messaging you daily, greeting texts that you obviously ignored. He knew you both were aware that you never handed him your number and he felt no need to hide his pursuit.

You read most of the messages, not bothering with a single reply though. You tried to block him but somehow your phone would still receive messages from his number, even though his contact would always peek back at you from the otherwise empty blacklist.

As if his torment wasn’t ample, another message thread from a different number would forward you alarming images, photos of Grace in her daycare, on a class trip to the park and even her playing in your backyard. You had no doubt that this was another game of his to show you his resources.

You skipped daycare for a few days, your mental health worse than it was after the carnival attack, because now you had a personal tormentor and you cursed yourself for falling into this mess. At times, you believed it wasn’t your fault really, you just helped a kid and this situation spiraled itself but what would pointing fingers now get you? The harsh truth was you were in a calamitous situation now and every step from now on had to be thought out.

So, you let Grace attend her daycare and acted if nothing was amiss or altered, after the few initial breakdown days of course, kept going to your job and earning the bread. You considered your options, you really wanted to go to the cops or a higher fair power but those were few these days, almost non existent in your city. You also vaguely recalled meeting three of the Captains of the PD at Sarah’s birthday, all smiley and doe eyed for Steve. You knew they wouldn’t help, fucking kiss-asses.

Maybe you would have to move somewhere else, perhaps to your hometown, at least till things cooled down or better yet were forgotten? But that trail was very predictable and you didn’t want your parents in this mess.  

You also came to know that Steve had inserted himself in the other spheres of your life. You were sure your location was always being sent to him, the knowledge a courtesy of the black car following you while you travelled to home at some late day’s end.

Aiden told you whereabouts were easy to track, when you inquired ambiguously. Another instance was when you went to the bank to deposit cash for your debit card, you came face to face with an enormous amount already there. Somehow, the limit on your credit card was also extended. How, you knew. The clerk told you about an email you must have gotten in regards to it, you dismissed that justification away and told them to not accept the cash. To sum the discussion, they weren’t helpful and had no policy against anonymous donors.

Aiden, your trusted coworker cum pal, sensed the shift in your aura and fidgety form very easily, pestering you with questions and you decided to turn to him, stressed and tired and ready to do something. His questioning eyebrows made you confess vaguely but you refused to tell him the extent of it. Just that his prediction came true and you needed help. Let’s just say, Aiden was a good man.

With time, Steve’s ‘affectionate’ messages became deranged, and you found it harder to act nonchalant in your daily life. You were thankful he didn’t come to visit you, possibly occupied with the rumored war between the mobs. You just prayed for a few more days of ignorance, just enough time to think and do something.

“What do you mean someone collected her?!” You had a hard time controlling your voice, you were about to burst, in tears or with anger, you didn’t know.

“The man was verified in the emergency contacts and we got a letter signed and approved by you to skip the day an hour into the first activity.”

“A man? Emergen-, wait no! What fucking approved letter?”

You had three emergency contacts, your mom in another state, Aiden, and one of the other kid’s mom you had grown close to. Aiden was with you at work all day, so did someone disguise themselves as him? And what was the deal with the letter signed by you? You surely didn’t remember writing and authorizing one.

The boy, Pietro, who had been the receptionist for as long as you could remember, shuffled through the chaotic piles of paper and presented a letter to you, and your blood froze as your eyes skimmed the font.

Your beautiful cursive stared right back at you and you knew that no one would ever be able to distinguish between this penmanship and the one in the pocketbook in your clutch. No one but you. Even though you knew you had not written it, the slightly different ‘f’ and ‘g’ told you everything.

Your signature at the bottom though, was done quite perfectly and that made you even more scared.

“I did-, I didn’t write this! What the-” Your widened eyes met Pietro’s from above the paper but all he offered you was a meek smile. Your hands shook with rage and for the first time in your life, you had the urge to slap someone really bad.

“Maybe your family had an emergency to take he-”

“No, you don’t get it!” You stopped yourself from getting frantic, willing yourself to take deep breaths and think rationally. Today of all days, things had to mess up.

He didn’t know you had no family in this city, that you had a mobster after you or the subtle threats that his hired spy sent to you.

Was going to the police an option? Aiden already told you that the cops were as good as Steve’s men. But this was about your missing kid! You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to her. And you were giving Steve way too much credit, what if he wasn’t behind this all? Come to think of it, what if the other number wasn’t his?

Relax yourself! Thinking of disturbing theories wouldn’t help anyone. You thought you should go to the cops, just in case. No mentioning of Steve, just a woman with a ‘missing child’ report.

‘Missing Child’ left an acrid taste behind and you were too close to a breakdown, but your whole journey of single-parenthood taught you to kick vulnerability aside, well most of the times.

You turned and were about to leave, but Pietro stopped you. “If you are going to the cops Ma’am, they require 8 hours of inactivity or disappearance time for kids under 5.”

Well look who just read your mind.

You huffed and kept the tears at bay, your mind thinking of what to do then? Grace was obviously taken-

“How could you let a toddler leave without informing the parents?” You knew your anger was channeling out at the wrong man but didn’t he all but hand Grace to the stranger?

You beat him answering and inquired, “What did the man look like? Do you have any footage? Anything?” The wrinkles in your forehead and stress creases on your face paired with the eyebags betrayed your age surely. You were sure you had aged more this week than an entire decade, juggling your normal life with the hovering threat.

“You shouldn’t be this worried Ma’am.”

The fucking audacity.

“Your daughter recognized him, she all but ran to him and this other little girl he came with. You should maybe ask your parent-friends around? A blonde family perhaps?”

As all the emotions drained from your face and terror took over, the young lad in front of you looked smug. You wondered as if you imagined the faintest of smirks on his face.

You crumpled the letter in your hands, seething with rage as you stepped in your car. Oh, you were mad, more wrathful than ever. You could take any hits on you, any threat but not on Grace, never on her.

You were stupid, you had already decided you wouldn’t put anything past him but unknowingly, you did put this past him. You thought this man had a shred of decency to not use your kid in this adult war, being a parent himself and all but what a surprise! You were wrong.

You drove to your home, your thoughts a mix of trepidation, anxiety and fury. You were scared of him and his reach and resources but if he put Grace in any type of danger; whether to teach you a lesson or use her as bait or both, there’d be consequences.

Lord knows you killed a man a month ago Grace was threatened.

You had one thing to do before contacting Steve about Grace but you never got to do it because unexpectedly the bastard was in your home. In your home.

The black sports car outside was a huge giveaway but your suspicions were confirmed when you opened the door with your house key. The banter and giggles from inside alarmed yet calmed you; the dread of confrontation and the assurance of Grace’s safety reigned your mind.

As the door opened painfully slow like a horror movie, the sight that met your eyes made you sick with a feeling of failure. It wasn’t gore or blood or grunge, it was Steve bouncing Grace in the air and catching her while Sarah twirled around in the living room.  

This man was craftier than you thought, every action of his was calculated, each a refined step. You had been so preoccupied to avoid direct encounters with him in your little family’s life that you didn’t think he had other ways. He was always looming around with Sarah and as Grace began to trust Sarah, she consequently began to trust her blonde guardian too.

As you slammed the door behind you, Steve’s eyes snapped to yours and his smirk made you want to punch him so hard. The smugness on his face while he let Grace down without breaking eye contact told you he had no regret, no remorse. In fact, he was loving every second of this cat and mouse chase between you two.

You were a millimeter close to losing your shit, the only check being the kids in the room. But you were mad and he was going to know it.

“What the hell, Steve? Messing with my kid?” You threw your clutch onto the couch, Steve haughty by the reception of his sent message but still holding back because of the kids. He called Wanda and you didn’t really notice where she came from but you did register Steve asking to take the girls to the park for a ‘private discussion’.

As Grace passed by you, you grabbed her arm lightly, making her look at you with doe eyes resembling yours. You gave her a smile trying to ease her, but you knew she was smart enough to sense the change in the atmosphere.

Apparently, the whining Sarah wasn’t.

You looked back to Steve, your hold still on Grace and continued with a frown and raised eyebrows, “She isn’t going anywhere, not out of my sight and obviously not with you or your goons.”

Wanda had the audacity to look offended and you scoffed at her, eyes staring Steve’s down.

“Honey, I don’t think the kids should hear what I think you have to say right now.” He said nodding to Wanda to take Grace.

“You must be deranged to think I trust Grace near anyone even remotely related to you! Take your people and get out.” You held your hand up to stop Wanda and pointed towards the door with the most menacing glare you could form.

Grace looked incomprehensibly between you two, concern and confusion on her face. That might have been the first time such a tone was used in your household. The grumbling Sarah was close to throwing a tantrum, irritated by the change in the playful air or the lack of attention to her, you didn’t know. She was hanging on Wanda’s forearm, her feet slipping on your printed rug. Wanda was trying to not look hurt still by your previous statement, distracting herself by the blonde kid and you were baffled by her obliviousness to all this.

Steve, the beefy blonde Lucifer, was furious and seething. His white knuckles and ticking jaw were the most obvious giveaways, the fingers just itching to beat the shit out of someone no doubt.

Was he imagining striking you into compliance into his weird playhouse game complex? You wouldn’t be surprised given the extent of his attempt to ‘win’ you over.

The ‘get out’ tone and blatant disrespect was a bruise to his ego for sure, and by you, a middle-class woman nonetheless was a worse injury. Steve was the deadly boss to armored men in the vicinity, the kids’ father figure, according to him, and Wanda’s stern yet kind employer.

People had been killed for less and there you were, standing in all your glory, being the only person alive to reject Steve Rogers and now, the only to raise your voice at him.

You almost scoffed at his impudence to look offended, what did he expect? For you to submit to him after the stunt he pulled? His reach was scary he proved today and that any future with him in your life in any way, was a fearsome possibility to entertain but you’d be damned if you went down without a fight.  

“You can’t make me leave; we both know. You don’t have the physical edge nor the mental one. I have no problem drawing out G-U-N-S in front of the kids or to throw the warnings around, although I would prefer not to.”

Your free hand itched to slap him, like how his did minutes ago. It wasn’t a mankind problem about men thinking they were entitled to everything; it was a Steve Rogers’s problem. Of course, with him consent didn’t matter. If he had a ‘housewife, kids and fences’ fixation, he’d make it come true.

“Do you even listen to what I say? Or your own words even? Please, go ahead! Traumatise my kid and also yours in your wooing process! Why are you so obsessed? Leave us alone, you freak! I just ignored few messages!” You had a hard time maintaining your cool, if there was any left. You were sure you were scaring Grace and no matter what happened next, you knew she was already traumatized by this entire ordeal already. You were so sorry, so, so, so sorry to your poor baby caught in this mess.

You knew, no, you hoped, he wouldn’t pull out the gun, his actions at the carnival a proof, you remembered how he hid his gun on finding Sarah. That threat was empty but the next one wasn’t, his words making you freeze in your spot.

“I think you keep on misunderstanding me, sweetheart. I don’t make empty promises,”

Posh word for threats.

“For starters, maybe I should pay my future in-laws a visit in their blue duplex. They might need help with the vast garden they have, it is the season for ‘violets’, isn’t it?”

As you froze with your parents being brought up, he also cooled, albeit differently, smirking once again gaining the upper hand, not that he lost it if you were being honest.

“Isn’t threatening my kid enough for you, Steve?” You hated how your loud voice almost broke, your anger slowly subsiding into helplessness and you hated that. You hated his guts, his entitlement, his claim; everything about him.

“You still don’t see it, do you? Our family of four is the most important thing to me right now and I’m not above doing anything to save it.”

“There is no family of four Steve! I keep explaining and you keep coming back to square one with all this bullshit!” The curse word did tick Steve off but he would correct that later, when bigger things weren’t at ploy.

“Your ignorance makes me a little mad sometimes sweetheart and that is why I have to do all I do. You haven’t realized we need each other yet, but I’m staying until you do and even after that, I promise. You know how much it pissed me off to see your tickets and the packed suitcases after I’ve been nothing but nice? I was so generous to spoil you with my riches but instead I find that in your finances.”

This fucker knew. Of course, he did!

You were wondering in the back of your head what had prompted this visit with so many threats and warnings and anguish. He was pissed even before you ‘acted out’, he tracked the tickets and the plan and that meant he even tracked-

“You have so much to learn, but luckily you interact with quite a few people. I am most tempted to start out with this Aiden guy, trying to be the hero and giving you all the ideas. Maybe I should visit him?” Steve wondered out loud, and you flinched at his suggestion, hating how you were trapped by this man.

You couldn’t live with yourself if anyone got hurt because of you, be it your parents or Aiden or any other possibility Steve would come up with. Of course, Grace was your peak priority but you doubted he would hurt her as he threatened to harm them.

“Steve, please.” The fire was almost out, your hands trembling, Grace worried and Steve smug.

“Let the kids go and I think we can come to a conclusion.”

“Steve this needs to stop.” You said, your breaths heavy and helplessness clawing away at you.

“I won’t repeat myself.” He voiced out with a threatening edge, gesturing to Grace and Wanda, clearly telling you to first get the kids out.

For a deranged fucktard, he sure cared about the kids a lot.

You loosened your hold on Grace, patting her arm softly and nudged her to Wanda. Wanda received her little hand and enticed the kids with the promise of ice-cream. Sarah clapped her hands and as the trio left, Grace did look over her shoulders at you in concern and for permission, majorly in concern though. You nodded and waved, a tear dropping as soon as the door clicked shut.

You were still staring at the door, not wanting to meet Steve’s stormy blue orbs when he began, “Today was a slip up that I won’t tolerate again. Neither the cursing nor the dramatics.”

We aren’t in a fucking play, what the fuck is he labelling as dramatics?

Your eyes slowly flickered to his, and you had a hard time not letting the tears escape except the one traitorous one earlier. The fatigue, the worry of Grace’s disappearance, the threats to your friends and family were all catching up to you. It took all in you to stay strong and not fall down right now.

“Steve this isn’t funny anymore. It’s sick and you know it! I just said no! Was that so inexcusable that you had to follow up with this? You have violated me for that, broken into my home and now kidnapped my daughter! At what extent will you stop?” You broke down finally, arms a flailing mess as fat tears rolled down. Nothing scared more than the helplessness this moment. He won and he knew it. The carnival incident was nothing in comparison to this. The only good thing you could hope in all this was a safe Grace but that too only if you complied, which seemed like what you would do now given your attempts at fighting back and scampering have failed laughably.

“Gosh, I forgot how theatrical women are. You are smart darling; you know what I want from day one, just a happy family. Nothing that horrendous has happened and especially not as badly as put it. I’m just looking out for you and me in the long run.” Steve slowly treaded towards you, his hand extended to pat your arm comfortingly but you involuntarily flinched at contact and stepped back. Steve clearly didn’t like that as he caught your arm in a bruising grip and jerked you towards him. Manhandling you as your wet hands rushed to ease his grip was not a tough task for Steve, a surprise to none.

“Stop trembling like I’ve actually done something to harm you!”

Steve clearly didn’t know how to comfort women and it showed.

You stopped with the cowering away, even though it disgusted you to be this much in close proximity with your assaulter. He clearly had anger issues and no clue how to solve them. You needed to steer the conversation right and get him out. You could see your hands visibly shake as you put them on his chest, just to create some distance and in a way of surrendering to not fight. The tears slowed but you don’t think they stopped; it was hard to tell with a million other things on your mind.

As your eyes made contact, Steve loosened his grip, clearly a bit satisfied by your submission, as he began counting to help you breathe. As much as you hated to admit, it helped you and you got a flashback to the time when you freaked out on him about Grace at that extravagant dinner date. That was a sweet gesture then, not so sweet now. Funny how drastically things change with time.

It wasn’t so much Steve’s help as it was your own mind telling you to be fucking smart about the whole ordeal right now.

“Good. Better. Now let’s talk. Why were you planning to run away? I’ve been busy and coming home to find out that wasn’t joyful, you know.” His smile suggested a better mood than before but his voice, his husky voice always had this daring edge that almost challenged you to defy him but at the same time warned you of unpleasant consequences if you did.

“Steve, I’m scared.” You spoke with utmost honesty. “The part of the world you associate yourself with scares me. You can’t blame me for not wanting that life for Grace, I mean you have a kid of your own. Wasn’t the carnival attack specifically on Sarah?”

The reasoning was right but you knew you triggered him the moment his smile evaporated. He either felt insulted as a parent or disrespected in his profession or probably both.

He was fighting his inner demons already and you pointing it out was a slap to his face, a hit he didn’t want to take.

“That was a slip up, I admit. Never again. I’m only human, okay?” He convinced himself and you, his grip tightening a bit again.

Oh no, not the right direction to take.

You reckoned he still had nightmares about it like you, he really did love Sarah a lot, all things aside.

“Besides, I am looking out for you! Out for you and Grace and Sarah. I remember my promise of never putting either of them in harm’s way ever again.”

You definitely didn’t trust his security or his people because what sort of a mobster let his daughter get targeted and possibly abducted? You definitely didn’t know the whole story or if it was just a bad day but he wasn’t a person that deserved some slack. Despite all this, you knew what all he held above you, above a common man. He might not be ‘Kingpin’ skilled but a threat to you nonetheless.

Before you could stop yourself, you blurted out, “Is that what you call following me around, huh?” which you immediately regretted.

“Trust the process, baby. Everything is just to protect you.”

Is that what he called stalking even Grace around and twistedly enough, sending you proof of that? The anonymous thread of photos was another nightmare of yours, thanks to him. The last being a candid photo inside Grace’s room, her sleeping in her bed this morning and that’s when you decided you needed to get out. Of course, that didn’t go as planned.

“How am I supposed to do that when you have cameras in my house?!” You scoffed and he reeled back at the accusation, having the nerve to look impressed at being uncovered and caught red-handed.

“Oh my fucking God, it was you! You sick pervert!” You jumped out of his grip, your eyes wide and horrified. “I wasn’t aware of what to make of it but of course, it was you! Who else would be sick enough to do that?” You let out a humorless chuckle. You always put things past him even when you keep telling yourself you shouldn’t. When will you ever learn huh?  

You were full on panicking yet again, this man was an assaulter, a stalker and a creep too. It would have made a good dark, psychological thriller for you to watch if you weren’t the protagonist about to suffer his obsession.

He reached out to steady you again, but you whipped and stumbled back, realizing too late that you elbowed Steve’s nose so bad that there was a crunch. That, right there, was the look a man real-fucking-furious on Steve’s face and now you could see the feared mobster, the man who was personally terrorizing you under the beautiful, Greek God façade.

Steve reacted so fast even with an injury that in a split second, your view of his face turned into a view of his crotch.

“You do realize that there are others ways for me to teach you obedience? I think it’s fucking time you show me your gratitude for my care and attention and apologize for your misconduct and unkind response.” Steve spoke with a hoarse voice, a voice running out of patience and just about done with defiance.

His hand fisted your hair, maintaining eye contact while he nodded between you and his crotch. You knew what he wanted, what he was expecting as ‘thanks’.

“Steve, please no, you don’t-”

His other hand grabbed your jaw, stopping you from speaking as he warned, “I think you have done just enough talking for today, so why don’t you put that tongue to a better use and show me how sorry you are. Better make it convincing because I’d hate to pay one of your friends a visit and then bitch about a nasty blowjob.” He smirked at the end of his monologue, eyes shining with triumph and amusement.

You wouldn’t let him harm anyone else, you couldn’t. You and your daughter were already knee-deep in a pit and at this point, it’d just be cruel to drag someone else in. With shaky hands opening his pants, you just hoped you could get Grace out before you eventually were buried in it.

“Now that’s a good girl. Submissive is a sexy look on you.” His hands patted your hair, playing with your tresses while yours pulled his pants and then briefs down.

His member jerked out, almost slapping you in the face as you recoiled at his insolence to get hard and erect at your torment. Your disdain must have shown which he took as admiration and derision to take his affluent cock in.

“No need to get shy, I have faith you’ll be able take it just as well in your pretty pussy as you will right now. Open up-”

“Steve, I beg you-”

Just as you had cut him off, he interrupted your pleading. Your gag reflex was probably the most efficient in the world but that turned this narcissist on. It had been years since you had done it, never with a man as beefy as Steve.

His taste was salty and if you had to put it into better words, it was the like overpriced sea salt flakes that you never bought. High and pricey and for the entitled.

Your hands clutched at his thighs as you blacked out multiple times; your jaw aching, uvula swaying and tears escaping. Him forcing himself on you brough a new sense of vulnerability as your body trembled. Steve relished like a sadist, practically rutting into you all by himself as you just sat there with your jaw unnaturally open.

His obscene moans and groans were crass and nauseating and you just prayed for this to be over soon and for no one to walk in on this, especially your kid.

It seemed like it would never end, your body dehydrating with all the spit it produced, the drool dribbling and landing just beside your knees on your printed rug. You would have to throw that out.

The tears stooped after some point, the sobbing an unnecessary action that just tired you out more on this eventful day. You moved your tongue around to prevent your teeth from scratching him when he shifted angles. If this was what he did on slightly mad, you didn’t want to find what he did for a more serious punishment.

Apparently, that action was something that turned him on even more, his breath hitching as neared closure. In broken whispers he demanded that again and you complied, wanting to get done with it.

He growled in the moment of his release and you tried to lean back but his grip didn’t relent. “Swallow.” His grainy, exasperated voice said out loud and you knew better than to defy.

He released you and you fell on to the rug, hip bruising by knocking into some furniture and tears coming back again after being hydrated by his seed. He packed himself, his smile smug and content as his expressions truly resembled ecstasy being personified.

“You be a good fiancée from now on and maybe you’ll have all your friends alive and present at our wedding. No cheeky business from now on, got it?” Steve hummed then and strutted out, not even bothering to listen to your reply.

As soon as the door slammed, your eyes closed and your demons danced again.

There was no right direction to take when you were stuck in a loop.  

[thebibliomancer]

Archaia’s Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance #7

The Ballad of Hup & Barfinnious Part 3 of 4

Nice of Barfinnious to let Hup be first in the title, by the by.

In part one, Hup burned a lot of bridges in his tavern workplace by full force spoon smacking SkekShod the Treasurer during the Sami Thicket tithe. He then became the squire of Barfinnious the self-proclaimed Paladin-Bard and definite con artist.

In part two, Hup and Barfinnious roll into a village which seems to be holding out for a hero. Barfinnious ignores all of the foreshadowing and then is surprised when THE BEAST attacks and the village elder expects Barfinnious to walk the hero walk. But after being called a coward, Barfinnious pledges he and Hup will find this BEAST.

As for Hup? He’s been itching to do some valorous deeds and was ready to throw himself spoon-first at THE BEAST when it showed up.

So now Hup and Barfinnious are on the same page, right?

The issue starts, as I’m realizing all of the issues have started, with Barfinnious telling a story.

Neat conceit!

But he tells a frankly pretty cool apparently murder mystery story that is supposed to illustrate that he has a knack for observation but just confuses the concussed Vortina, the girl what got trampled a little.

Meanwhile, Barfinnious’ crack CSI team of Hup and Veara examine the crime scene. Er, monster attack scene.

Of course, Veara still can’t understand what Hup is saying. Womp womp.

Hup: “It -- it doesn’t make sense. There seem to be two separate creatures. A Mounder, or something bigger, but with fingers for breaking and throwing? And then... something with many teeth. Whatever attacked Vortina and the farmhouse.”

Barfinnious stopped listening after Mounder because, hey, if they can blame this on a Mounder then they can “solve” the case and be out of here before sundown away from its judgy elders who make you feel bad.

He declares that the supposed beast is just a Mounder under blud-rage, a disease which makes animals feral and irrational and hopefully isn’t rabies.

Vortina protests that what attacked her wasn’t a Mounder but Barfinnious insists and starts telling a story about how he had a pet Nebrie as a child which got blud-rage.

... I’m now fairly sure that it is rabies and that Barfinnious is about to recap Gelfling Old Yeller.

Anyway, as he goes on, a Mounder looms up behind him and does him a startle.

Vortina, sassy as heck: “Might want to try other scenarios, Sir Observation. I only go the one Mounder, and she seems fine.”

It’s such a good diss that Veara immediately drops dead.

Or passes out because she was so busy tending Vortina’s injuries that she neglected to take care of herself.

Veara is put to bed with Vortina “keeping watch” (napping) and Barfinnious, Hup, and the elder go elsewhere to try to figure things out.

Hup asks the elder whether there’s more information on the attacks. Whether anyone has seen the beast or beasts. Whether it attacks in a pattern.

And apparently the elder also doesn’t understand Podling because Barfinnious smoothly then steals Hup’s ideas, repeating all of the questions to the elder while Hup facepalms.

The elder tells them that THE BEAST always comes out at night. Not usually consecutive nights but THE BEAST has been growing bolder. And that there’s a rumble that precedes the attack.

Oh and then upstairs where Veara is sleeping, some manner of giant BEAST punches a hole in the wall and abducts her like King Kong.

APPARENTLY.

It carries her away towards the North Woods.

Dang, this BEAST is breaking all the rules. Coming out during the day, not being preceded by a rumble. What’s next? Littering?

Barfinnious is stunned into inaction again but Hup demands that they go after her and asks whether it would be faster to walk or ride. Barfinnious eventually answers that they’ll ride.

As they saddle up, Barfinnious offers an inspiring speech which is initially... less than inspiring.

Barfinnious: “Good Gelfling! I will not lie. Things look bleak. And I... it has been some span since I’ve faced down a monster... of this size.”

Elder: *Sigh*

Barfinnious: “But with my brave squire at my side -- we’ll bring back your healer.”

The elder being 101% done with Barfinnious but not really having a better plan than him never ceases to amuse me.

Hup and Barfinnious hold up their spoon and broken sword to the applause of the small gathered crowd.

The elder asks if he can’t maybe offer them better weapons than a spoon and a broken sword but Barfinnious responds “Ours have gotten us this far.”

Barfinnious and Hup set off to the sustained applause of the small crowd.

Oh and two people that opine “So brave” and “So doomed.”

Cracks me up.

Hup tries to follow the trail despite the ground being too hard to leave tracks but Barfinnious plans to just ditch.

Just head to the main road and onto the next town. Clearly Veara is dead at this point so cut their losses, right?

Hup jumps off the riding Armalig and proclaims he’ll continue on foot.

But in mid principled stomp, he spots a weird plant. A Sifan bloom that doesn’t grow around here. And he realizes that Veara, herbalist per excellence, is probably leaving a trail with the random plants she has in her pockets.

Amazing.

So despite Barfinnious wanting to ditch, he follows the trail of plants all throughout the day, until they reach a spooky cave at sunset.

Where Barfinnious freezes up again and says he can’t continue any further.

Hup tries to encourage him because as weird and danger avoidant as Barfinnious is, guy is a paladin, right?

Barfinnious: “Barfinnious the fake. I can’t do it because I’ve never done it. And if you’re suddenly this great investigator and tracker, then why haven’t you figured out by now that my stories are. Not. Real.”

He tells Hup that all of his stories except one were made up. And the one, the Arathim story, didn’t end the way Barfinnious claimed.

Barfinnious: “I’ve never saved anyone. I’ve only been saved. Only been a victim. And a story-spinner.”

Hup: “So the princess... saved you? And that shames you? You’re right. You aren’t a hero. A real hero lifts others up, doesn’t push them down. I’m going to help my friend. Because it matters what I do. Not what I say I do.”

And then he heads into the cave, despite being scared, to confront a monster with just a spoon.

GOOD STUFF!

I mean, first off the princess who saved herself! Worst day of Barfinnious’ life but a pretty rad day for the princess.

And we get some great insight into Barfinnious and why he’s so easy to shame into doing hero stuff despite being a con artist.

He wanted to be a hero once upon a time and got in over his head. And I don’t know that it’s the fact that he was saved that shamed him as much as his realization how close he came to death. Any time actual heroic situations pop up he freezes. He’s terrified to go into danger because this time, there may not be a cool princess to save him.

And we see the pedestal Hup has put Barfinnious the Paladin Bard on completely shatter. Hup has been disillusioned about his chances of becoming a Paladin himself. He’s been, in the moment, frustrated or annoyed by Barfinnious. But the whole time he’s still held him up as this hero. And now Barfinnious has admitted to being just a fraud.

The reveal shatters Hup a little too.

But Hup is still going to be a hero because darnit that’s just who Hup is! So he abandons Barfinnious as his inspiration and takes up Veara’s words instead!

Good stuff.

Can’t wait to see how this concludes!

[piccolina-mina]

Y'all The White Privilege/Victimhood on Good Girls Jumped Out!!

Season 2 Finale Spoilers below.

Good Girls is my show, and I enjoy the heck out of and always will, but I'm about to get Peak Tumblr analyzing this finale... so let's just go over this. I'm trying to process how this played out because ...

Dean was a serial cheater who cheated on his wife even when she was struggling with post-Partum depression. Beth didn't even find out the full-extent of his cheating because he only copped to his secretary AFTER Beth found out about it on her own. And that same secretary told Beth about all the other women this season because Dean never told her the truth. Plus he faked cancer to manipulate Beth and that was not addressed once all season.

Instead Dean got a soft edit where he became the rational, responsible adult and doting, dedicated father. He was the one to show Beth all the ways in which she erred with her criminal activities and putting them at risk. His infidelity was softened by adding backstory about how Beth closed herself off when she was battling post partum depression and beyond and he felt his emotional needs weren't being met and he felt inadequate because of how she treated him.

He took her kids as if to imply she was a terrible mother despite her being the primary caretaking parent to all four of their children since they were born up until she chose to take on the dealership. He took her kids away from her. But he never really suffered any consequences for how terrible he was and he ended the season in a comfortable friendship with Beth despite all the ways he wronged her as if he's the ideal, supportive husband. And he got redemption without earning it or acknowledging the extent of his shortcomings.

Boomer is the trashiest most despicable character of them all. He knew about the money laundering and had other illegal activities going on at the store. He attempted to rape Annie and did rape and emotionally abuse and manipulate Mary Pat. And Turner KNEW all of this but didn't care if it meant he could leverage Boomer to get to Beth. No charges for anything since he helped. And that's disturbing AF.

Boomer stole money from his grandmother constantly and blackmailed everyone. He was forcing Mary Pat to marry him. Then he bolted after he was presumed dead and was willing to let the girls go to prison for his murder. But despite everything he has done, the rape, the abuse, all the illegal crap he would've gotten off Scott free if not for Nana forcing him to take responsibility. He's still facing NO repercussions. What?

Mary Pat had ample time to get out of the business or turn the girls in, but she chose to blackmail them for more money instead even though it clearly isn't what Jesus would do.

She chopped up her husband's body and put him in the freezer so she could keep collecting his veteran benefits. She enlisted the girls to take Boomer out for her, but then ran Boomer over with her car, wrapped his body up in tarp and planned to dispose of him too. But when she found out he was alive and gone, she didn't tell the FBI or the girls. Instead she had them dispose of her husband's body thinking it was Boomer's.

Her part in the operation was dismissed by Turner as long as he could use her to take down Beth. So Mary Pat did all of that and got off Scott damn free. Because she was cast as victim. She was a victim long before she actually was one (regarding her abuse by Boomer). And nothing came from any of her actions. Victim or not there are still consequences, right? Apparently not.

Noah tampered with evidence and botched his own investigation based on his relationship with Annie. He jeopardized the entire case more than once. He slept with his mark and caught feelings. He openly lied and deceived both the agency and Annie and ... nothing comes from it? No consequences at all, huh? He gets to relocate to Arizona to be with his kid.

These are all characters have done varying degrees of bad to despicable things that should have resulted in some form of repercussions and yet they face none. Why?

Turner's obsessive focus on Beth in part has to do with his disgust over her pretending to be the white suburban mom and stepford wife entangled in all of this. He recognizes that she is the sort to get away with things because of who and what she is and the image she projects.

But then he also caters to this pervasive white (woman) victimhood issue that happens a lot. He never viewed Mary Pat as anything but a desperate single mom who is a victim no matter what she did, and he absolved her of her wrong doing and slapped her on the wrist just to get to Beth which counters everything he's intending to do with Beth. Hold her accountable image be damned.

Then there is Annie who is also a single mom who gets the sympathetic play to potentially turn on her own sister. She gets the doting boyfriend and companionship to make her consider it or to get information out of her. She gets the soft play. Like she doesn't have agency in her criminal plots with her sister and Ruby. Like she too is a victim of Beth's or whomever and warrants sympathy and the benefit of the doubt.

Contrast that with what Ruby gets. Ruby got harassed for months to the point of her having case to file a complaint. She got Turner putting the squeeze on her and her husband and family repeatedly and consistently.

And worse yet, Turner did this under the guise of "doing them a solid because he didn't want them to go down for this white woman" so to speak, but he still was willing to ruin them for her anyway.

Stan is the only one who got arrested and humiliated in front of his colleagues. He's the only one who went to jail. STAN whose connection to this is flimsy. The sole black man on their side of things got hauled into jail.

And then Ruby with the sick daughter who needs meds and the husband who was hauled away is treated like a demon by Beth for considering turning on her when Ruby was the only one facing any fire or harassment.

Ruby and Stan the most wholesome and logical and least problematic had their entire world upended and ruined and faced the brunt of the repercussions. Ruby and Stan were both facing charges and jail time while Beth faced nothing while they worked to build a case against her and Annie never was considered as a threat.

If Ruby didn't turn on Beth she and Stan could be sitting in prison while everyone else roamed free. Like, YIKES!

And the way Turner is both the guy who wants to take down this white woman who would likely catch a break in the system but also the means by which he does it by his abhorrent treatment of POC is disturbing.

The first season established that Rio was basically untouchable. The second season confirmed it when Rio was literally playing tennis with an attorney filling him on things and he has connections in the FBI.

So Turner never wants to go after Rio specifically because of this even though he knows Rio is Beth's boss and the bigger fish. No, he wants to take down Beth.

So that brings me to the final Rio scene that was the most disturbing of all. Turner has played fast and loose with the rules but still tried to come across as an earnest lawman wanting to do his job.

But Turner watches Beth shoot Rio multiple times because "Rio is her problem" and to save Turner.

And if it was really about doing what was right, he could have had her arrested right then and there. He heard their conversations. Knew about their connection. All of it.

But instead he sends her home. He keeps the gun with her prints on it as something else to hold over her I'm sure, but for what?

And then he kneels down, as a law enforcement person whose sole job is to protect and serve, justice and equality, fairness ... and he taunted a dying brown man instead of calling 911. We got a brown man gurgling, his life at the mercy of the law (made all the worse with it being an agent of color), and he toys with him, toys with the idea of whether or not he should call the ambulance and phone it in... assist him before he dies. He wants something out of Rio first before he can help.

Hella more Yikes. And what a brutal takedown of Rio. The potential death of a brown man at the hands of a white woman convinced she was victimized by him or the exploited potential death of a brown man by a cop. Yikes!

Then there is Beth who somehow throughout all of this walked away convinced that she was Rio's victim when she kept going back to HIM. They made their amends and made up for taking his money, and he said they were good. BETH was the one who went to him and left a string of pearls. She's the one who wanted more work and opportunities.

She was the one who wanted the keys to the kingdom. She's the one who wanted more work. She's the one who wanted a bigger role. She sought him out repeatedly.

She's the one who initiated their sexual relationship both times. She is who broke things off, but she is also who came back looking for more. She's the one who convinced herself she was his equal and his partner, but then shied away whenever he told her to prove it. She played hot and cold this whole time, and he went along with it anyway.

She claimed he never helped her when he did. He doesn't owe her anything at all but still did more than she ever gave him credit for. When she botched that situation with those druggies and thought they kidnapped her daughter, Rio did look into it. He even got her daughter's toy back for her.

Beth's biggest issue with Rio is she mistook Rio's silence for inaction.

She assumed because he wasn't giving her play by plays that he wasn't helping her, but that was the thing to, why did he need to help her?

She wanted to be Queen but didn't want the hard work. He recognized that she wanted this and he fostered it. He told her to take care of her rotten eggs. He encouraged her to fix her own problems. He held her accountable for her own actions.

And in turn, the man who actually listened to her. The one who actually treated her as an equal and respected her is who she shot because she claimed she was his victim.

He told her this shit is medieval. He told her if she wanted to be the king she had to kill the king. But a real queen would at least own her shit instead of pretending to be a victim.

She wanted a kingdom HE built without any of the dirty work and effort. She felt entitled to it.

And then she shot him hoping she killed him and Christopher Columbus appropriated his empire.

Is this your Queen?

That finale highlighted just how interesting this season has been. So in the end, Rio is the only who didn't "win" but too many of these other terrible characters get passes? Hm.

[zenosanalytic]

Empire of Cotton: A Gloss

So I got Empire of Cotton: A Global History by Sven Beckert last year, and I finally started reading it after finishing The Fifth Season earlier this week and, while I’m not far into it yet, there’s just so much important stuff in here that needs to be understood and there’s this one particular section which I think really encapsulates that with its sheer Density of plain-spoken busting of capitalist myths, but it’s a bit long, so I’m just going to share it below the cut, and say my piece:

“...For decades, representatives of the chartered European East India companies had complained about the ability of Indian weavers to sell their goods to competing European companies, competing Indian banias, traders from other regions of the world, or even to private European merchants who operated independently of the companies, creating competition that raised prices. Profitability could be increased only if the Europeans could force weavers to work for their respective companies alone. Monopolizing the market became the way to drive down weavers’ incomes and drive up the selling price of particular goods.”

So just keeping score, according to these cotton merchants, the actual “founders” of global capitalism let us not forget: Open Markets, Competition, and Free Labor = Bad; Monopolies and Compelled Labor = Good. So much for the foundations of Capitalism.

“European traders were helped in securing cotton cloth in the quantity and quality they needed, and at the price they desired, because their business practices were reinforced with political control of increasingly extensive Indian territories. They came not just as traders, but increasingly as rulers. By the 1730s, the Dhaka factory, for example, hosted a contingent of military personnel and arms to protect the company’s interests. Most dramatically, by 1765 the British East India Company---a group of merchants---ruled Bengal, and in the decades thereafter expanded its control over other South Asian territories. Such territorial dreams were furthered by British merchants’ increasing investment in the raw cotton trade between India and China by the late eighteenth century, which made them hope for the integration of western Indian cotton tracts into East India Company territories as well. This assertion of private political power by a state-chartered company over distant territories was a revolutionary reconceptualization of economic might. States shared sovereignty with private entrepreneurs.”

Two Points: 1)Local states(many of them aristocratic private states of their own) lacked the strength or integrity(military, economic, and institutional), and the UK government lacked the interest, to resist or restrain the East India Company, and so it came to dominate, it established its own Private State, and the “British Empire” eventually rose from this process of private conquests eventually ceded to an initially quiescent, though tacitly supportive, central government. Private States thrive where Public States are weak. 2)The EIC could never have succeeded at this without the tacit approval of the UK central government, expressed in; allowing its inactive soldiers, sailors, and ships to sell themselves as mercenaries to the EIC; allowing its armories to sell arms and ammunition to the EIC; allowing the EIC to use its charter to do things which its charter did not authorize, such as selling shares(which means issuing debt; the two are the same thing on a balance-sheet) to generate funds to then bribe local polities, either to fight for the Company, or “just” to corrupt local governance. A possible larger takeaway: Wealth sickens societies as much as it does individuals.

“Among many other things, this new combination of economic and political power enabled European merchants to gain greater control over textile manufacturing, especially by increasing control over weavers. Along the Coromandel coast the influential Indian merchants who acted as brokers between Indian weavers and European exporters increasingly were replaced by agents who were under much greater control of the European companies already in the seventeenth century. In Surat, which, like Bengal, would fall under company rule in 1765, the Board of Trade of the governor-general expressed in 1795 its dissatisfaction with

“the system in practice hitherto of having a Contractor who has not himself any immediate connection with the manufacturers or weavers, but engages in subordinate contracts with a large number of Native Merchants of little property or probity and though bound in responsibility, are not competent to pay a penalty if forfeited, and than in fact the goods never came into their possession, and apprehend that the difficulties now existing, will not be removed but with its abolition or very material alteration”

Removing the Indian middlemen promised foreign merchants better control over production and the ability to secure greater quantities of piece goods. To that end, the East India Company tried to bypass independent Indian banias who had historically connected them to the weavers by giving that responsibility to Indian “agents” whom they put on their payroll. The Board of Trade in London instructed the governor-general in great detail how to recast the system of purchasing cotton cloth, hoping thereby to “recover to the Company that genuine knowledge of the business,” and thus acquire more cloth at cheaper prices by implementing the “grand Fundamental principle of the Agency System.”

So here we see that private EIC state in South Asia dictating, through its “Board of Trade”(on-the-nose, I know, but reality’s writers have never been all that subtle), that India’s natural level of cotton production(how much cotton its growers&weavers choose to make at the price on offer) and natural balance of trade re: cotton(how India’s merchants choose to distribute that production to buyers based on the prices they offer) is neither high enough nor enough in the favor of British Industry(meaning: “willing to sell cotton and cotton-products to the EIC at artificially below-market prices”). Here is that private state of the East India Company(chartered by the UK central gov as all corporations are chartered by their governments. Because they are legal creations) stating its desire to force the people of India to act contrary to how they choose to act through law and regulation, solely because it would increase the profits of the East India Company in the cotton trade, and colluding with the central government back in England on how to do so(based, in part, on their similar promotion/subjection of the weaving trades in unguilded Lancashire). Tell me again how Capitalism loves Free Markets and Choice, and hates Bureaucratic “Red-Tape”.

“Through its Indian agents the company now made direct advances to weavers, something the British had not done in earlier years, which was greatly aided by territorial control and the attendant political authority. While weavers had always depended on credit, the novel insertion of Europeans into these credit networks along with the efforts of European merchants to monopolize economic control of particular parts of India made them ever more dependent on the company. Already by the middle of the eighteenth century, European companies sent these agents deep into the manufacturing centers in the countryside near Dhaka, agents who increasingly set the terms of production and thus succeeded in lowering prices. In the 1790s the East India Company even encouraged weavers to relocate to Bombay and produce cloth there---all with the goal of being able to supervise them better “without being extorted by the servants of the Rajah of Travacone”.”

First: Yes, modern Capitalism did not invent credit[1]. Second, India’s cotton industry initially worked on a “putting-out system”(the book deals with this in greater detail; this was the basic system for cotton production everywhere) and European capitalists sought to dismantle this system(as opposed to supporting its development, as in Lancashire. Again; the book deals with this in greater depth) explicitly because they did not control it, Indians did, and so could not use it to abuse labor. Third, here we see how credit and materials-access can be used to control people and restrict their choices, especially when those extending credit(specifically to access materials) also dictate your access to customers[2]. Fourth, considering how all of this was about controlling the native cotton industry of India and stealing from India producers and merchants its profits: Tell me again how India was an “Underdeveloped”, “Uncivilized”, place and culture, “Unimproved by Science or Art” that needed “The White Christian Man” to save it from its own “Benighted Backwardsness”.

“The encroachment of British power on the subcontinent meant that weavers increasingly lost their ability to set prices for cloth. According to the historian Sinnappah Arasaratnam “they could not produce for any customer they chose; they had to accept part of their payment in cotton yarn; they were subject to strict supervision of the process of manufacture by the Company’s servants who were located in the village.” Weavers were now often compelled to take advances from particular merchants...

...To further their goal, the company now employed its coercive powers toward the weavers directly. The company hired large numbers of Indians to supervise and implement new rules and regulations, in effect bureaucratizing the cloth market. Extensive new regulations attached weavers legally to the company, making them unable to sell their cloth on the open market. Company agents now inspected cloth on the loom, and endeavored to ensure that the cloth was, as promised, sold to the company. A new system of taxation penalized those weavers who produced for others.

The company also increasingly resorted to violence, including corporal punishment. When a company agent complained that a weaver was working illegally for a private merchant, “the company’s Gumashta seized him and his son, flogged him severely, painted his face black and white, tied his hands behind his back and marched him through the town escorted by seapoys [sic] [Indian soldiers in the employ of the English], announcing ‘any weaver found working for a private merchant should receive similar punishment’.” Such policies produced their intended results: Indian weavers’ income fell. In the late seventeenth century, up to one-third of the price of cloth might have gone to a weaver. By the late eighteenth century, according to historian Om Prakesh, the producer’s share had fallen to about 6 percent... By 1795, the company itslef observed an “unprecedented mortality among the Weavers”.”

And all of this for what? To alienate the weavers and spinners of India from their labor and transform the compensation they ask for their labor and materiel from a Price to a “cost of production”. To steal from them the product and value of their own work through brutality, humiliation, injustice, and illiberty; to deny them the natural right to decide, or even so much as negotiate, the worth of their work, and who they will share, give, or sell it to. And for no reason other than the stuffing of the Company-men’s own greedy pockets.

To call this “Capitalism” makes it more complicated that it really is. It asserts a theoretical and philosophical basis it doesn’t really have, and grants it a practical rigor it doesn’t really deserve. It’s just powerful people doing whatever they can to make themselves richer. It’s just amoral, overriding greed. “Capitalists” don’t care about free markets or piracy or competition or contracts or Rights or “the invisible hand” or any of the rest of their claimed values and, as any history of “Capitalism” shows, they never did. It’s always just been about getting more however they can, and no matter how much suffering they inflicted to accomplish it. It’s always just been about building themselves up by grinding other people down.

[1]though I’d argue this less means credit predates capitalism than that capitalism is a much, much older system than we tend to think of it as. Or maybe that capitalism is rooted in and grew out of far older behaviors and mindsets which tend to get ignored in this discussion, depending on how you prefer to look at it. Like: reciprocity, and what you might call “delayed reciprocity”, has been a part of human cultures since, very likely, before they were human; the recontextualizing of that into commercial/financial terms as “debt” and “credit” is, to me, a sort of “capitalification” of reciprocity, morality, and social existence. Debt: The First 5000 Years was a useful book to me on this subject.

[2]This seems Quite Relevant to the modern USian question of Net Neutrality which: Tell me again-again how Capitalism loves Free Markets and Choice, and hates Bureaucratic “Red-Tape”.

[explosion-boi]

Coco

This is going to be a long post and I know it so here have a read more for it. This will also contain spoilers for the book of life and coco so be warned in that aspect.

My opinion on the movie coco is not very important to anyone since I am not a big important blog. I have less than 200 followers and I am pretty sure a lot of those followers are inactives anyway but whatever. I am not here to complain or praise my follower count. I am here to talk about a movie that I did not want to see when it was being advertised because the concept art made it look a lot like another movie that I care a lot about. But really, that was it. The concept art. Beyond that the movie was different in so many ways. I will first talk about the two major similarities between the movies because that was really it and I have an explanation for both of them.

First of all, the biggest of the two, both are about a boy/man who wants to play guitar but is not supposed to because of a family business. But let me tell you how many Christmas movies all have the same theme. I mean how many home alone’s were there? Not to mention jumanji and zathura, and most romantic comedies have a super similar plot and people still watch those. My point is that it happens all the time and no one ever complains. Also there are two totally different stories here so having a similar concept means really nothing when comparing the movies to each other plot wise.

Second of all there was the bell. Here is where some spoilers come in. De La Cruz, the villain type in coco, was killed by a bell (twice). Chakal, the villain in The Book Of Life, was also killed by a bell. Let me explain why I believe this is. Both of these movies are about the Day of the Dead that takes place in Mexico. The more Latin based version of the holiday. After a bit of research, that may or may not be accurate so please do let me know if there is something else too, I discovered that during the Mexican war of independence there was a lot of significance to bells. First, during one of the most important speeches of the war, church bells rang in the background and became a symbol of the end of the tyranny that Spain had over Mexico. The bell also later became a huge part of the independence celebration. So the bell crushing the bad guys represents the freedom from their tyranny just like Spain. That is my interpretation. I am not Mexican though and that is just based on limited research so correct me if I am wrong. 

Now, the similarities that come from animation and location? Well it’s two beautiful movies about the day of the dead! OF course there is going to be animation similarities! In this case it’s a good thing! 

Now I would like to talk about the huge differences that I think really made the movies.

The Book of Life is a love story about the historical aspects of the day of the dead. It talks about how, I quote from the movie, “the really really good kind of love, never dies” The movie is a lesson about opening up and being yourself and accepting your fear of being yourself. It’s about the past day of the dead’s and a famous story about taking initiative and “writing your own story” as the movie puts it. The main character has an empty page in the book of life because he is choosing his own path. He is demonstrating that you do not have to live the life your family write for you. You can follow your own destiny. Love what you want and who you want despite what your family believes. 

Coco is not about the love of a woman. Coco is about the love of family and accepting that your family can be different from you and that it isn’t a bad thing. Coco focuses more on the tradition of the day of the dead and how it is celebrated. It’s got beautiful detail on why things are set up the way they are. It’s got examples of what happens to the families that don’t set things up.It has the very big twist with Hector and such and it teaches people that they can make up with their families since Hector is able to be together with Imelda and they are shown dancing together at the end when Miguel is singing for the family. Coco forgave him too and was able to help him live on by remembering him. I think this movie is good for people who have lost family or who want to repair things with their family. 

Here is why I loved Coco and it has a place in my heart but The Book Of Life is still my favourite. It has nothing to do with quality or anything. Both movies are beautiful and perfect. My reasoning is that I am a very love oriented person. I think that love is the most important thing in the world and I base my life on love. I would go to the ends of the earth, the land of the remembered, the land of the forgotten, etc for someone I love. Family or not. Both of these movies are great for this. My problem is that I can’t really ever make amends with my family. I will never really feel like a part of my family. I don’t think that anything I do will ever be enough for them. I am so different that I don’t find any relation in a movie about relating to your family. That is really just me. Not very many people that I know have this problem. Not very many people have given up on being a part of their blood family. I have. I don’t think that anything I ever do will be enough for them. My family will never change their mind on my passions. That’s why coco isn’t very relatable for me. But as for the book of life? Manolo doesn’t really care for impressing his family. He didn’t care. He wanted to play music and get the girl he loved and he didn’t care that he was going to lose his family for it. That is relatable for me, someone who would go to the ends of the earth for a lover or a friend. For his passions. I would die for someone I love. There are people in my family I feel like that about. But it’s more my friends than anything. So that is why I think I will always have a special place in my heart for the Book of Life.

[hmel78]

In conversation with Dave Oberle ...

A Gryphon, is a legendary creature with the head, talons, and wings of an eagle, and the body of a lion - they’re also a band from the UK who, following a lengthy absence, have returned from various personal quests, to once more bring forth their magical sounds to knights and maidens throughout our wondrous lands. What am I talking about?

Gryphon -  like the mythical creature which inspired the group's name - is a hybrid of astounding musicians, from varying backgrounds, whose aim was to fuse several different musical styles into their own original music.

The group formed out of the Royal College of Music in London, in the early 1970s. Whilst the founder members were studying classical courses, both had strong musical interests in other spheres ; fascinated from an early age, by medieval and pre-classical music, with a passion for everything from Church music to contemporary folk and progressive rock. This diversity of tastes and influences encouraged them to form a group with a 3rd member, who had predominantly folk and jazz-tinged tastes. For a short while they existed as a trio - playing in simulated medieval eating houses! - until ‘Gryphon's’ line-up was, for then, completed by the arrival of former rock band drummer, David Oberle, in 1972 ; securing his roles of lead vocalist, and percussionist.

From that point on, the group really took shape. Drawing initially on a nucleus of renaissance pieces and re-arranged folk tunes, they easily developed their own distinctive style. By the beginning of 1973 they had started recording their first album for Transatlantic: "Gryphon (TRA 262) - and, with that record's release, there was a great surge of interest in the group. 5 albums, and a number of high profile tours later, Gryphon were lauded in a wide variety of newspapers, had appeared on several major television shows, and performed the unique feat of appearing on BBC Radio's 1 - 4 (inclusive) all in one week!

All this served to highlight how ‘Gryphon's’ music was universally acceptable. It stimulated the interest of folk, rock and classical buffs alike, and delighted all age groups. And then ... they went away. But where did they go? Were they whisked away on some fairytale adventure?

38 years passed by before the band reformed to play live shows, and it’s taken them 41 years to release their 6th album, aptly titled “ReInvention”  (out now and available from all the usual places).

Sounds jumped at the opportunity to speak to Dave Oberle, who despite ‘Gryphon’s’ inactivity over the years, has certainly kept himself busy - he was a key member of  the original Sounds Magazine team , and went on to be a founder member of rock magazine Kerrang! He’s also a producer of heavy rock bands via his label Communique Records. We caught up with him, whilst he took a break from wandering the not so mystical realms of social media ... DO :  It’s a great thing, Facebook, for discovering who your fans are. We have a great number of under 25’s that have tapped into our music, and it pleases me hugely to see the rise of interested younger people in the progressive scene. It’s great for us to see what’s beginning to happen - kids are getting in touch with us as they’re discovering our records in their father’s collections, and loving it!

HR : So, you’re inspiring future audiences -  Are they musicians too?

DO : I think a lot of them are. I think Gryphons root fan base has always been musicians - without wanting to sound pretentious, Gryphons music IS musicians music. You have to have some understanding of music to appreciate what the hell we’re doing! I think it would be fair to assume that most people who follow us play an instrument, but you never really know ...

Over the years we’ve all agreed that we felt our music reached people who liked all sorts of music - we’re pretty eclectic ourselves - there are a lot of influences , right the way from rock through baroque,  medieval,  renaissance, blues, jazz, classical - everything you can think of in one huge melting pot.

HR : In the very beginning, what prompted you to combine traditional folk music with medieval?

DO : It started off - Richard Harvey and Brian Gulland met each other at the Royal College of Music. Brian was studying choral and Richard was studying early music. They both played in a classical music ensemble called ‘Musica Reservata’. Gryphon came together properly once Graeme Taylor, the guitarist , joined ; who’s influences were people like John Renbourn and that style of guitar playing ; then rather unusually they approached me to join them - bear in mind at the time I was playing in a heavy rock band. So bringing a heavy rock drummer into something like that was a little strange ... but it worked! The one thing that was missing, I think, was a solid rhythm. I had to adapt what I was doing to fit in - it was quite difficult for me to go from playing rock to playing 5/4, or 7/4!

We started playing in folk clubs, really because they were the most open minded to what we were doing and took us seriously , with our folk influence. Further than that we didn’t know what was going to happen.

HR : Quite - You were pioneers of the sound at that time ...

DO : Well there were bands around like Jethro Tull, Amazing Blondell, which were in a similar vein and leant towards folk with a medieval tinge, but we were certainly the first band to step into that area and bring in front of the general public.

HR : I can’t imagine that Crumhorns and Bassoons had ever been used in rock music before ...

DO : NO and probably never will be again! [laughs] I think the actual sound of Gryphon is what attracted people because nobody had heard instruments like that  - not quite true with the people who were interested in medieval music - they would have know what a Crumhorn was, but the average person in the street wouldn’t have had a clue!

I suppose it was a period of education for people who weren’t sure what was going on. Once the band got going I remember we did a concert at the Victoria & Albert museum in London, which was more like a lecture where we explained what the instruments were, and where they came from  - from there the whole thing just expanded ; suddenly medieval instruments became interesting, and people associated the sound with what we were doing, and it was a very different sound - it still is.

We were out playing recently and I was amazed by how many people come up who are fascinated by the vast array of instruments that we have on stage. Between the 6 of us in the new line-up we’re playing between 50 and 60 instruments. It’s a hugely diverse sound.

HR : The expanse of festival stage is really ideal then, when you have what is essentially a mini orchestra! Gryphon had had quite a hiatus before you reformed to play live - what inspired the reunion?

DO : When the band split up in 1977 we really just disappeared without trace as many bands did under the onslaught of Punk.

The idea of doing a farewell/reunion gig had been on the cards for quite a few years but it had never been talked about seriously. Finally he were all together one evening and it was decided that we should go ahead and just do it. It was 2009, and at that time we had nearly 200,000 hits on our website, so we thought that there was definitely something going on and that the support for the band was still very evident.

We decided on a London venue - Queen Elizabeth Hall on the south bank - and we managed to fill the place without any advertising. Then it all fell flat again because the various members of the band had other commitments, but our presence started to grow through social media from there, and in 2014 we decided to put our toes in the water again. In 2015, we did 6 shows all of which were brilliantly well attended, and in 2016 we were invited by Fairport to go and open Cropredy too - which was just perfect.

HR : It’s remarkable really, especially as you didn’t have any new music to promote at the time ...

DO : No. We were not in a position at that time to have a new album ready, so we decided that we would just go out and play material from the first 4 albums plus a couple of new dances.

HR : You’ve got quite a spectrum of musical styles to perform, but from a recording perspective, why did you move from acoustic to electric on the early albums?

DO : After “Midnight Mushrumps” when we got to “Red Queen”, we’d be taken on by Worldwide Artists  - which was run by Brian Lane , who at the time was managing YES, Rick Wakeman and couple of others. Rick was a friend of Richard and Brian’s from the RCM, and he introduced us to Brian Lane. Within a few weeks of being signed up, we were on our way to America to support YES.

During that time, we’d all been great fans of the prog scene, and the Canterbury scene - Caravan, King Crimson etc  - and whilst we weren’t pressured in any way, “Red Queen” was really our first step into prog ; using a lot more electronic instruments, and taking a bit of a step back from the medieval side of things - Brian was still playing his bassoon and we still used Krum Horns and recorders, but it wasn’t to such a great extent. Richard now had a great Rick Wakemanesque bank of keyboards surrounding him for a start, and we moved into a different phase ... “Red Queen” was the album that we toured the states with.

HR : I can’t imagine the magnitude of touring with YES - they were huge! DO : It was amazing! The response in America was great because we were so quintessentially English , playing all these really weird instruments, and so we went down a storm. We played at places like the Houston Astrodome, and Madison Square Gardens in New York. Definitely the highlights of my musical career would centre around those dates. We came back to the UK and did another leg with them here - probably 150 dates in all. It got to the point where we knew their music as well as they did, and for the last few dates of the American tour in the mid 1970s we would go onstage and join them for their encores, which was quite an experience.

HR : Given that exposure, and the fact that you’d already changed your sound for “Red Queen”, was it a conscious decision to move back to a more traditional sound?

DO : Sort of, yes. The album after “Red Queen”, was “Raindance” - there were still hangovers from “Red Queen”, but there were a lot more, I suppose commercial sounding shorter tracks - we’d been into doing 10 - 15 minute tracks, and suddenly we were producing 2 and 3 minute songs.

The thing about ‘Gryphon’, I believe, is that if I was to play all 5 albums to someone who didn’t know ‘Gryphon’, they would think they were listening to 5 completely different bands. There’s nothing that really specifically links the albums, apart from certain sounds, but in terms of composition and arrangement they are 5 VERY different albums. If you listen to the 1st and the 5th, there is no comparison - you’d be very hard pushed to say “Yes that’s the same band!”

HR : Does that mean that you’ve never labelled yourselves?

DO : We got labelled by other people .... I worked for Melody Maker and for Sounds, so I knew why it happened , journalistically - back then, things had to be pigeon-holed because if you didn’t fit in a pigeon-hole you didn’t fit, full stop. These days music is so diverse that you can’t put a band into a pigeon-hole, a band is what it is, but back then we were classed as “medieval folk rock”. Actually Chris Welch tagged us “13th Century Slade”!

HR : [laughs] that’s brilliant, but I probably shouldn’t laugh ...

DO : No, it took a long time to shake off! It was very funny, and a great thing for our PR guys, but we weren’t Slade. Having said that though, in the popularity stakes - our average audience did, and still does, range from Hells Angels to Nuns, and so far as I know we are the only band who have ever managed to get onto BBC Radio 1, 2, 3 and 4 in the same week - which gives you an idea of the breadth of our audience, and even BBC 6 Music recently played the whole of “Midnight Mushrumps”.

HR : You have quite a few unique achievements to your name ...

DO : We have?

HR : Weren’t you the only band ever to play at the Old Vic?

DO : Ah, yes! The reason for that was - we were approached by Sir Peter Hall , who was running the National Theatre at the time and he asked us if we’d write the music for the Royal Shakespeare Companies production of “The Tempest” ;  which is where a lot of the music from “Midnight Mushrumps” came from. It was originally written for the RSC, but was adapted and is how “Midnight Mushrumps” came into existence. That was a huge honour, and a one off.

‘Gryphon’ are a bit of a one off really, aren’t we? I don’t think there are any comparisons - I seriously can’t think of anything that gets even close to what we are and what we’re doing. There have been a few copy cat bands along the way, and a few bands who have gone along similar lines but I still think Gryphon is unique, and all 5 of the albums are unique in their own way - but what it really comes down to, more than anything else is the standard of musicianship and composition - and now we’ve got Graham Preskett in the band too, who has played with everyone under the sun, and getting him onboard was a major achievement. He was Gerry Rafferty’s keyboard player and arranged all the big hits like Baker Street and Night Owl, and things like that. He knew Richard at college too, so there’s some old school stuff going on there, and he’s been invaluable in terms of helping to recreate the sound.

HR : That kind of chemistry is very important

DO : Oh completely. You have to have the right people in a band like ‘Gryphon’ or it wouldn’t work. And it does work. People are still playing the music, people are still interested, and really Helen, what proves it to us is the amount of people who came out to see us last year. I’m immensely proud of the band and the guys that I work with. Richard in particular, who’s gone onto write film music and work with Hans Zimmer, and worked in Hollywood with a lot of people - he’s an incredibly talented musician. It’s very strange, how a bunch of naughty school boys as we were back then, have all ended up being in prominent places in the music, and film industry.

HR : Is it not the naughty schoolboy edge that keeps it fresh for everybody?

DO : Absolutely! The other thing about ‘Gryphon’ is that it was all very irreverent and a big joke as we were concerned, certainly at 18 and 19 years old - but what is great is that feeling has carried on even after 38 years of not playing together. When we get back on stage we slip straight back into the flinging insults at each other, and it keeps the audience involved.

HR : 38 years was quite a break though ...

DO : [laughs] yes - yes, and mainly because everyone had gone off doing other things, there was no other reason for it -  it just wasn’t until 2 or 3 years ago that we could take up the gauntlet again. Richard had been out on the road with John Williams, the guitarist, who decided to retire from touring - and that was the first time that he was available, and with him being the front man, we could NOT do ‘Gryphon’ without him. He wanted to carry on playing live, because writing film music is actually quite a lonely existence, and the only time you ever get to hear what you’ve written is when the orchestra is playing it, and its being recorded, and then it’s gone. I think in every musician, whatever they do, there is a desire and a need to play live. It’s completely different to being in the studio where you can overdub, and re-record and correct mistakes - out there live, you’re exposed and what you produce that night is what you produce and that’s it - from that perspective for any musician, playing live is incredibly important. It comes and it goes. You create in that moment. If you’re lucky, when you try to record or film a live album, you’ll capture the essence of what you’re trying to create, but it’s tough, and can go really wrong! We played at the Union Chapel in 2015, and we filmed the 3rd movement of “Midnight Mushrumps”, which really gave people who can’t come and see us, a taste of what they’re missing!

Gryphon - “Magic Mushrumps 3rd Movement”, live at Union Chapel 2015 : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYMK6tWbUOA

HR : Talking of studio albums - It’s been 41 years Dave ...

DO : [laughs] We’d been promising our fans for a long time, but because of various things going on for various members of the band, it’s just been impossible. I’m sure people think “but you’re musicians, you can write an album in a week and get it recorded” but with ‘Gryphons’ music we probably write about 3 minutes in a week!

HR : But it is here ... FINALLY! Are you happy with it?

DO : Yes we are.  We all think that it works very well. New material but with the feel of the old Gryphon. We have indeed ReInvented ourselves. A difficult thing to do after 41 years. Our fans have responded really well to it and we appear to be getting some good airplay and reviews.

HR : Was the material written over that vast break, or is it all pretty recent?

Most of the material is recent apart from “Ashes” which should have been included on the “Raindance” album but was rejected by the record company much to our annoyance. We have given it a makeover and are very pleased with the result.  The longest Track “Haddock’s Eyes” was written by Graeme and is based on the ‘White Knight’s Tale’ from Alice Through The Looking Glass. We have tried to re-connect with our ‘Alice’ roots and John Hurford who did the cover artwork and design was really helpful with this.

HR : Did you feel that it was important to stay true to ‘Gryphons’ original sound?

DO : I think that any band who forget their roots and where they came from are in danger of losing their way.  We did for a while after “Red Queen” so when a new album was finally discussed we felt it important to ourselves and our fans, to remain true to that original direction. You can hear it very strongly on “ReInvention”. It’s everything you would expect from a Gryphon album, Folk, Prog, Jazz, a strong medieval flavour, classical overtones and downright straight Rock.

HR : I have to say that I think it’s worth the wait, so Congratulations! And in the personal life of Dave - are you working on any new projects outside of Gryphon at the moment?

DO : No – Gryphon is taking up all my time at the moment. HR : You haven’t been completely off the musical radar over the years though have you -  can we mention your involvement with ‘Gandalf’s Fist’? They seem to be very popular ...

DO : Aaaaagh! ‘Gandalf’s Fist’. Yes!  I recorded vocal sessions for their “Clockwork Fable” album. Dean Marsh is a very talented young man, and I have great hopes for them - Even more so after Classic Rock Magazine voted them number 3 in their top 100 albums. That’s really quite an achievement, and I’m chuffed and quite proud to be involved with them. It was the first thing I’d been happy to put my name to in the past 10 years.

HR : Well, between them and Gryphon, you’re doing a sterling job at helping to keep the British prog scene alive so - thanks Dave!

DO : You’re very welcome. It’s nice to know that people are still following what we’re up to, after having taken such a long break. When you come back after that length of time, you’re never quite sure what’s going to happen. We could have leaped out there and ended up playing to 3 people, but we didn’t, and it’s nice to know that the music is still appreciated ...

HR : It’s called standing the test of time ...

DO : Which is more than we have! [laughs]

For more info, or to get your hands on a copy of "ReInvention", please visit http://www.thegryphonpages.com/

[samwinlover-blog]

Probable Fear Of Abandonment

Pairing: Sam x reader Characters: Sam, Dean, the reader Warnings: injured!reader, hospitals, swearing, angst Request: The reader and the Winchesters have hunted together for years, but when the reader is hospitalized and the Winchesters have to go save the world they leave her behind. The plan was for the separation to be temporary, but when the reader wakes up earlier than the doctors thought she would and sees the Winchesters gone, she thinks they left her. So, with both her heart and a few bones broken. she moves on with her life and starts hunting solo. Years later, fate will bring the three of them together again. On an impossible hunt, not only will the reader see her ex-boyfriend, Sam, but his brother again too!  A/N: Hey guys, sorry I’ve been really inactive lately I’ve had a lot on my plate:( But anyways, I really hope you enjoy this one- I put a ton of work into it because I feel really bad for being so inactive! <3 Tag list:  @amanda-teaches@myplaceofthingsilove@spectaculicious@bambinovak@bambinovak@writingthingsisdifficult@padackles2010@mamaredd123@milkymilky-cocopuff@iwantthedean@zeppo-in-a-trenchcoat@spntrista @d-s-winchester@just-another-busy-fangirl@winchesterprincessbride@waywardjoy@supernaturalyobsessed@whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname@sandlee44@fangirl1802@kittenofdoomage@evyiione@winchestersmut@purgatoan@mogaruke@therewillbeblood@megansescape@taste-of-dean@leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @scarlet-soldier-in-an-impala@deathtonormalcy56@wildfirewinchester@notnaturalanahi@jensen-jarpad@impalaimagining@fangirlextraordinaire@itseverythingilike@jesspfly@love@mysteriouslyme81@mrswhozeewhatsis@aiaranradnay@supernatural-jackles@girl-next-door-writes @spnsasha @27bmm @spnfanficpond @amanda-teaches@myplaceofthingsilove@spectaculicious@bambinovak@writingthingsisdifficult@spn-imagines-to-feel@spn-ficfanatic​@cleverdame@saxxxology@jensen-jarpad@keepcalmandcarryondean gabriels-trix 

You didn’t want it to end the way it did, with you passed out in a hospital bed and the Winchesters driving off to God knows where in the Impala. They’d left you, but it didn’t make any sense. Sam was in love with you, and Dean was your best friend- or so you thought- so why would they leave? 

When you first woke up, the emptiness of the room scared you more than anything else. All of the tubes and wires the hospital had you hooked up to were nothing compared to the quiet of that god awful room. There wasn’t anybody at your side, Sam wasn’t there holding your hand and Dean wasn’t hovering uncomfortably by the door like he should have been. It was just empty, with nothing but the steady beeping of your monitor to keep you company. 

But you weren’t alone for long- the second you called out for help, dozens of nurses and doctors rushed to your side. They checked your vitals and asked you millions of questions, commenting on how miraculous it was that you’d woken up so quickly. All of the faces peering down at you were those of strangers though, and you’d never felt more alone. 

Your first instinct had been that the Winchesters were hurt too, and that was why they weren’t by your side. But when you’d croaked out the question initially, all you had gotten were looks of pity. 

A raven-haired nurse with a big nose had broken the news, “Honey, they left a few days ago, we haven’t seen them since I’m so sorry” She’d said, and it had crushed you. 

At first you didn’t understand, or just couldn’t comprehend that the Winchesters would leave you, especially Sam. He’d been your boyfriend of three years at the time, and also the love of your life. The two of you were supposed to do everything regular couples did, like get married or move into a four bedroom flat in a quiet neighborhood. So, naturally, you would never have predicted him leaving you to die in a rundown hospital in Rhode Island. 

The hours after you first woke up were some of the worst of your life, and that was saying something. Heartbreak was nothing knew, being that you were a hunter, but somehow Sam’s betrayal- along with his brothers- stung a little more than everything else. The nurses pity made you want to scream, but you held your tongue. You let them poke and prod at you to no end, and kept quiet the entire time. 

Under normal circumstances, you definitely would have snapped at somebody. But you were having trouble adjusting, and really comprehending the fact that the Winchesters were gone. 

It really shouldn’t have been such a surprise though. With the threat of Lucifer looming, and the angels recruiting Dean as Michaels vessel, you should have known they’d choose saving the world (again) over you. Because that was the Winchester family brand apparently, “Save the world as many times as we screw it up, and hope nobody gets killed in the process.”

When the initial numbness had worn off and you truly understood that they were gone, and out of your life forever, you got angry. You hated them, hated their name and who they were, but mostly, you hated Sam. 

You hated the fact that he abandoned you without so much as leaving a note. You got no explanation of any sorts as to why he up and left you, bruised and broken, in a decrepit hospital you’d never been to before. 

That anger, white hot and uncontrollable, was what got you through rehabilitation. With no health insurance, two broken ribs, a severe concussion, and a broken leg, it had been nearly impossible to get yourself back on your feet. 

You didn’t remember anything in the 48 hours leading up to the accident, and that included the motel you were staying at, where your car was, what state you were in, and why you were there in the first place. It was just your luck that your phone, with all your contacts, was with the Winchesters when they left. Because leaving you to die clearly wasn’t enough, they had to take all of your personal belongings with them of course. 

The second those pity-eyed nurses had cleared you, you’d left. Buying a bus ticket back to Massachusetts, where you were born, seemed like the only reasonable thing to do, and you stayed with your sister until you were fully healed. 

Honestly, it was a miracle you’d been able to get yourself back home in the first place. With no money and a lot of broken bones, stealing a bus ticket had been nearly impossible, and sitting through a jerky bus ride had been even worse. 

But a few hours later, you found yourself on your sister, Monica’s, front porch. Being as the two of you hadn’t seen each other in three years, it was fair to say that she was shocked at your arrival. 

Monica, and the rest of your family, had always been convinced that Sam was abusive- what else would they make of the countless bruises and broken bones your job gave you on a daily basis? So when Monica found you, crutching yourself up to her doorstep, she assumed the worse. 

She’d flung the door open and hurried you inside, muttering, “What has he done to you?!” the entire time. 

A few days later, once you’d rested and she’d gotten you a prescription for some pain medication, Monica wanted to know what happened. But you refused to tell her, or anyone else for that matter. It was a combination of you not wanting to have to make up an elaborate lie, and just not wanting to talk about it. 

Your heart was broken, by the WInchester’s betrayal- both of their betrayals. While Sam had been the love of your life, Dean was your best friend. He was the person you’d get rip-roaring drunk and dance on dive bar tables with. And you were his wing woman, constantly deceiving young blondes into spending the night with him. But more importantly, you were each others rocks. All of the good and the bad and the ugly of the Winchesters you knew, and not because of Sam. Dean was the one who’d bare his soul to you, no matter how much he hated getting emotional. And while Sam would tell you things, Dean was the brother who told you everything. 

Six months after your sister had welcomed you into her home with open arms, you’d done the same thing you did three years ago: you ran away. You felt that itch beneath your skin and that need to get your hands dirty, tell tale signs of a hunter who’s been out of the fight for too long. The second your ribs and legs had healed you took off, stealing a 1964 Black Jeep and driving until morning. 

The Winchesters became nothing more than a sad chapter in your life, and you tried to forget about them. You tried so hard, in fact, that you refused to contact any of your mutual friends. Shutting out Bobby, and Ellen and Joe were one of your biggest regrets. But as the years flew by, you found it harder and harder to bring yourself to pick up the phone and call, because you knew there was a possibility that the Winchesters would be there with them. 

A year passed, and the world never ended- so you assumed Sam and Dean had once again saved it. But you didn’t know where that put the two of them, were they dead? The plan had always been for Sam to fight off Lucifer at the last minute, but you didn’t know if he’d actually done it. You tried to put the thought of them out of your head, and over time your wounds healed- you even fell in love again. Well, you wouldn’t exactly call it love. 

Robby was nice, and he made you reasonably happy. He was a florist from New Hampshire, who had no idea what you really did for a living, and would probably have a heart attack if he ever found out. You didn’t know if he was oblivious or just choosing to be, but you’d somehow managed to convince him that you sold software for a living- and that was why you were away so much. Robby was a quaint man living in a small town, hell, he even rode his bicycle to work everyday. And even though, deep down, you knew you didn’t love him, he was exactly the type of person you needed in your life, so you chose to stay. But every single defense mechanism, including Robby, you’d put into place in order to avoid the Winchesters forever was foiled by fate. 

During a particularly chilly October, two years after the accident, you were on a case in Vermont. It seemed to be just a typical werewolf problem, being as bodies were turning up left and right with their hearts ripped out, and you weren’t prepared for just how much that case would change your life. You were strolling down the produce section of the town’s local grocery store, inspecting a carton of strawberries, when you saw him again. 

Sam Winchester. 

Without realizing what you were doing, the berries slipped from your hands and rolled across the floor. But you didn’t bend down to pick them up, you just stood there utterly dumbfounded. 

As if the two of you had rehearsed it, his head turned in your direction the second you dropped the strawberries, and his eyes locked on you. 

Words couldn’t describe the look on his face, but it probably matched your own. His eyes went wide and his hands fell limp at his sides, as if he too was dumbstruck to see you again after all those years and all that heartbreak. But then he did something you had not. His eyes went shiny from tears and he started walking towards you. 

His steps were slow, and deliberate, as if he didn’t completely believe you were real. But you didn’t want to see him, you didn’t even want to talk to him. Sam had made his choice all those years ago, and he’d chosen to leave you. 

So, stumbling back into the woman behind you, you backed away from him. You whirled around, using a shelf of carrots for support, and ran down the isle. In a frenzy of emotion, you couldn’t even see straight, and knocked into so many stands and hurrying people on your way out the store. 

When he finally called after you, it was more of a sob than it was a yell. His voice was strained as he choked out, “(Y/N), please!” 

But all he got in return were the sound of your boots slapping against the pavement of the parking lot, as you sprinted out of the store and away from him. You didn’t even know where you were going, only that you needed to leave, but he followed you and wouldn’t let up- all the while yelling your name like a prayer. 

[bountyofbeads]

Excellent expose on racism and how to challenge white supremcy and our ideas about racism. It's well worth the time. He is brilliant!!!

Historian Ibram X. Kendi has daring, novel ideas about the nature of racism — and how to fight it

By David Montgomery | Published

October 14, 2019 1:17 PM ET | Washington Post | Posted October 20, 2019 |

Ibram H. Rogers, 17, hadn’t even told his parents that he was entering a Martin Luther King Jr. Day oratorical contest. They found out after he won one of the early rounds and they got a videotape of his performance. “We’ll never forget that Saturday morning we put the tape in and watched him,” Larry Rogers, Ibram’s father, told me recently. “We were really surprised.” Ibram was a bright but underachieving senior at his Northern Virginia high school. His GPA was below 3.0; his SAT scores were just above 1000. He thought he wasn’t smart enough for college, even though he had been admitted to historically black Florida A&M University.

The Prince William County Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, sponsor of the competition, saw to it that the finale, in January 2000, was filled with pride. The MLK Community Choir serenaded the mostly African American audience of 3,000 that filled a local chapel. “It was a very proud moment,” recalls Carol Rogers, Ibram’s mother. “An awesome event.” Six students out of more than 100 contestants made it to the final round to deliver 10-minute speeches on “Dr. King’s Message for the Millennium.”

The contestants dressed like young business people — except Ibram, who wore a loud golden-brown blazer, black shirt, bright tie and baggy pants. (The fact that the public school he represented, Stonewall Jackson High School, was named for a Confederate general was one of those ironies that, in the moment, was too deep to dwell on.) For his speech, Ibram adopted the persona of an angry King come back to life to scold black youth for thinking “that the cultural revolution that began on the day of my dream’s birth is over. ... How can it be over when kids know more about Puff Daddy than they know about me? ... How can it be over when many times we are unsuccessful because we lack intestinal fortitude?” The speech swelled into a jeremiad of disappointment. Ibram paced around the pulpit as he reeled off more supposed failings of young black people: “They think it’s okay to be those who are most feared in our society! ... They think it’s okay not to think! ... They think it’s okay to confine their dreams to sports and music!”

The audience loved the message, reacting with “whoops of agreement,” according to a Washington Post account at the time. Ibram didn’t win the top prize, but, two days after the big night, a picture of him speaking was spread over three columns in The Post, with the headline: “Students Give New Voice to King’s Dream.”

Ibram H. Rogers has grown up to be Ibram X. Kendi, 37, a leading voice among a new generation of American scholars who are reinvestigating — and redefining — racism. In 2016, at 34, he became one of the youngest authors to win the National Book Award for nonfiction, for “Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America” — which, gushed the award judges, “turns our ideas of the term ‘racism’ upside-down.” The following year, American University recruited him from the University of Florida to join the faculty and create the Antiracist Research & Policy Center. (The very evening in September 2017 when Kendi introduced the center at a gathering of students, faculty and administrators, someone stuck cotton balls to fliers depicting Confederate flags and posted them around campus.) More recently, the crowds turning out to hear Kendi discuss his new bestseller, “How to Be an Antiracist,” have been so large that bookstores have resorted to holding readings in churches, synagogues and school auditoriums.

Kendi’s ideas — that few, if any, are free of racism; that we should confess to our own racism as a first step toward becoming anti-racist; that racism begins not with the prejudice of individuals but with the policies of political and economic power — are bracing and challenging. They also constitute a very different take on race from the speech he gave at 17. For years afterward, he had vague memories of his MLK oration, and they were troubling. The competition, he told me, had been “a pivotal moment in my life” — one that gave him the confidence to believe that he was college material after all and that his future would involve communicating ideas to a larger public. Yet he also recalled how, a couple of years ago, when he took the time to watch his performance on a DVD that his father had made, “I cringed and was completely ashamed.”

The speech, he saw, had been a litany of blame, implying that there was something wrong with young African Americans as a group and that they could conquer white racism by behaving differently. How did these perspectives get lodged in the young orator’s brain? Why did the African American crowd respond with such enthusiasm? To his chagrin, Kendi realized his own experience was a prime example of how racist ideas quietly worm their way through the culture. It also showed all too clearly how one can be anti-racist in some contexts yet sick with racism in others.

Reflecting on the shame he felt at his words, he realized that the best way to communicate his newest message would be to hold out his journey as an example. Whereas his previous book, “Stamped From the Beginning,” had been built around five historical characters — Cotton Mather, Thomas Jefferson, William Lloyd Garrison, W.E.B. Du Bois and Angela Davis — he reluctantly concluded that his next book, “How to Be an Antiracist,” must be based on the errors and evolution of Ibram X. Kendi.

I think even the book got better after his diagnosis,” says Kendi’s wife, Sadiqa. “I think he was writing for his life.

“Initially, I was like, that central character will not be me,” he told me. “I’m too private. I don’t want to show all of my bones and all of my baggage and all those shameful moments that I’m still ashamed of. I don’t know — I don’t want to do that. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized: How can I ask other people to share those shameful moments, to free themselves of their baggage, to confess the most racist moments of their lives, if I’m not willing to do that, too?”

And so his work and his life have built to this moment of invitation to his readers, his audiences, America. After a precocious scholarly career spent demonstrating the depressing pervasiveness of racism, he stands uncommonly hopeful, inviting us onto a path forward. “We know how to be racist,” he writes. “We know how to pretend to be not racist. Now let’s know how to be antiracist.”

Recently, Kendi’s life and work have fused in another way, too — this one potentially tragic. In January 2018, after having drafted about five chapters of “How to Be an Antiracist,” he received a diagnosis of Stage 4 colon cancer. About 88 percent of people in that condition die within five years, he was told.

Kendi was devastated but still detached enough to fold his illness into his work. He began to make sense of racism through cancer, and to make sense of cancer through racism — essentially seeing both as diseases that can be systematically fought. He wrote through months of chemotherapy and recovery from surgery, taking naps when he was too weak to remain at his keyboard, then awakening to write some more. “I was like, you know what, I want to finish this book before I die,” he told me. Sadiqa Kendi, his wife, a pediatric emergency medicine doctor at Children’s National Hospital in Washington, kept watch to see that at least he didn’t work himself to death. “I think even the book got better after his diagnosis,” she says. “I think he was writing for his life.”

Have you noticed that almost everyone self-identifies as “not racist”? Consider: In June, responding to backlash over his fond recollections of working with segregationists in the Senate in the 1970s, Joe Biden insisted, “There’s not a racist bone in my body.” The following month, in response to backlash over his attacks on four women of color in Congress, President Trump tweeted, “I don’t have a Racist bone in my body!”

Kendi has little use for such protestations, for two reasons. First, he thinks “racist” should be treated as a plain, descriptive term for policies and ideas that create or justify racial inequities, not a personal attack. Someone is being racist when he or she endorses a racist idea or policy. Second, he doesn’t acknowledge “not racist” as a category. At all times, people are being either racist or anti-racist; in Kendi’s view, “there is no in-between safe space of ‘not racist.’ ” Through his scholarship, Kendi has traced nearly six centuries of racist and anti-racist ideas. He could not do the same for “not racist.” It’s an identity without content.

All policies, even the most trivial, are either racist or anti-racist, he argues — they support equity or they don’t. A do-nothing approach to climate change is racist because climate change overwhelmingly affects people of color on the planet. Forgiving student debt and offering universal health care would be anti-racist policies because people of color are more likely to have student debt or lack health care, so those policies would lessen if not erase those inequities.

In Kendi’s analysis, everyone, every day, through action or inaction, speech or silence, is choosing in the moment to be racist or anti-racist. It follows, then, that those identities are fluid, and racism is not a fixed character flaw. “What we say about race, what we do about race, in each moment, determines what — not who — we are,” he writes. In studying the history of racist ideas, Kendi has found the same person saying racist and anti-racist things in the same speech. “We change, and we’re deeply complex, and our definitions of ‘racist’ and ‘anti-racist’ must reflect that,” he told me. Those who aspire to anti-racism will, when accused of racism, seriously consider the charge and take corrective action. They will not claim to lack any racist bones. “The heartbeat of racism is denial,” he writes in his new book. “The heartbeat of antiracism is confession. ... Only racists shy away from the R-word.”

As for where racism comes from: A popular explanation for the gen­esis of racism assumes that people’s ignorance and hatred harden into racist ideas, which lead to racist policies. “But that gets the chain of events exactly wrong,” Kendi writes. From slavery to Jim Crow, from redlining to mass incarceration to the unequal distribution of government largesse, power has been the first link in the chain. Power, he argues, devises racist policies for economic self-interest and then justifies the racist policies with racist ideas of hierarchy, inferiority, necessity, greater good and otherness. These racist ideas are consumed and reproduced at large, giving rise to ignorance and hate. Stop focusing on people, Kendi advises: The smart anti-racist identifies racist policy and attacks the racist ideas justifying it.

Contemporary thinkers on race say Kendi’s approach represents a bold extension of previous work on the subject. Molefi Kete Asante, who in 1988 created the nation’s first PhD program in African American studies at Temple University (where Kendi got his doctorate in 2010), told me he recalls when Kendi returned to campus in February and presented his idea that racism begins with policies. “I remember how shocked we were when we first heard him lecture on that, and people, you know, had to go back and reread [his argument] to figure out how he does this work,” Asante says. “I think it’s a wonderful innovation. ... There were questions, and he defended himself quite well.” Kendi, he adds, “is really the ascendant African American intellectual of his time. ... He has attempted something that is in the Afrocentric tradition ... and that is: Let’s redo almost everything. Let’s look at everything and ask ourselves the question, What if we turned it upside down?”

Kendi’s contention that racist policies spur the creation of racist ideas, not the other way around, is not fully embraced by all scholars, including his doctoral adviser at Temple, Ama Mazama, professor of Africology. “I don’t think that the power of ideas can necessarily be minimized,” she says. “It would be great, like he suggests, if we want to do away with racism, we could have anti-racist policies. ... I’m not sure if it would work. ... Maybe too much damage has already been done, too much ignorance that would be very difficult to eradicate through anti-racist policies.” Still, she is proud of her “brilliant” former student: “His work is important. ... He’s also looking for solutions. It’s not just an intellectual exercise, it’s something much more than that.”

Members of Kendi’s own generation of scholars praise his ability to break through to a wider audience. It certainly helps that his writing is lyrically accessible. (Two years ago, Kendi contributed a short piece to a special issue of The Washington Post Magazine, in which he proposed an anti-bigotry constitutional amendment.) “I think it’s just astonishing that someone is able to have an intellectual history like ‘Stamped From the Beginning’ influence so many people’s thinking about understanding the undercurrents of white supremacy in the United States and its durability over such a long period of time, and then pivot to actually spending time with people to rethink the strategies of their own choices in their own life,” says Marcia Chatelain, associate professor of history and African American studies at Georgetown University, who, after the 2014 police shooting and subsequent protests in Ferguson, Mo., organized scholars to develop the Ferguson Syllabus, a curriculum aimed at digging into the marginalization of black and brown communities. “Ibram represents a generation that I see myself as part of where we take our ideas in a number of places and we take the feedback from a number of audiences, and we really struggle and grapple with how our work isn’t just confined by the traditions of academia, but is really defined by its ability to resonate in people’s lives and help them to move closer to the types of worlds that people have long imagined but never realized.”

One of Kendi’s early racial memories is from when he was 7 and his parents brought him to check out a private school on Long Island where he might attend third grade. The family, including Kendi’s older brother, Akil, lived in Queens at the time, but Carol and Larry Rogers were looking to send their children to a school outside the neighborhood. It was after school hours and the third-grade teacher, an African American woman, met them at the door. Are you the only black teacher? Ibram asked with uncomfortable directness. She was. Why are you the only black teacher?

“The beauty about being 7 years old is that chances are we’re not hypocritical, chances are we’re not filled with contradictions, and chances are we see the world for what is in the world,” Kendi told me, recalling the moment, which he also describes in “How to Be an Antiracist.” He credits his parents with anchoring him at an early age with enough pride in being black to make such an observation. Both rose from poverty to the new black middle class and had been inspired by the Black Power movement of the 1960s. His mother became a business analyst for a health-care organization, and his father became a tax accountant and later a hospital chaplain. As committed Christians, they were steeped in black liberation theology. They gave Ibram piles of books from a junior series on black achievers, which he devoured.

Kendi’s mother tried to explain all this about her son to the taken-aback teacher at the school, but they ended up not sending him there anyway. Instead, Kendi went to another school, where his third-grade teacher was white, and he engaged in his first anti-racist protest: After the teacher ignored the raised hand of one of his black classmates, and called on a white student yet again, Ibram sat in the school’s chapel and refused to return to class. The principal was summoned, and his parents were called.

“We tried to raise both of our sons, Akil and Ibram, to think for themselves, and if they want to challenge authority, then they have to be willing to suffer the consequences,” Carol Rogers told me. (Akil is now an event specialist for Sam’s Club in Florida, where Carol and Larry Rogers are retired.) Such was the anti-racist path his parents set Ibram on from an early age, but it’s a deceptively hard one on which to keep your footing. “How to Be an Antiracist” takes the form of a memoir, with Kendi interspersing his experiences with analyses of types of racism that he has found in himself: ethnic racism, bodily racism, behavioral racism, cultural racism, color racism, class racism, gender racism and queer racism. It’s hard to believe one person — let alone a scholar of racism — could have encompassed so much bigotry, but that’s Kendi’s point: Anyone can.

In college at Florida A&M, he wore honey-colored contact lenses for a time, until he realized this was a form of racism, privileging a look associated with another race. He dated a light-skinned woman, until he realized what a warped sensation this was causing among some of his friends, who wished they were dating light-skinned women, too. He dropped her and vowed to date only dark-skinned women — until he realized this was an equally twisted obsession, driven by racist colorism. During another phase in college, he determined that the problem with white people was that if they were not devils, maybe they were just plain destructive by nature — until he realized judging white people as a group is as racist as judging black people as a group.

He came to see in retrospect that even his parents had sometimes strayed from the anti-racist path. Like others in the black middle class, he writes, “My parents — even from within their racial consciousness — were susceptible to the racist idea that it was laziness that kept Black people down, so they paid more attention to Black people than to [President] Reagan’s policies, which were chopping the ladder they climbed up and then punishing people for falling. ... Americans have long been trained to see the deficiencies of people rather than policy.”

Kendi is harder on no one than himself. “I arrived at Temple as a racist, sexist homophobe,” he writes of the dawn of his graduate school career. His most important mentors in shedding those views — in learning how racism, sexism and homophobia intersect — were fellow graduate students Yaba Blay and Kaila Adia Story. “I learned from them that I am not a defender of Black people if I am not sharply defending Black women, if I am not sharply defending queer Blacks,” he writes. They held court in one of the common areas during study breaks and sent him scurrying to bookshelves for works by Audre Lorde, Bell Hooks and Kimberlé Crenshaw.

“What’s so wonderful about Ibram is that even though he talks about his journey, and here he is meeting me and Yaba and he’s some kind of black male patriarch homophobe, he never gave us that reception,” says Story, an associate professor of women’s, gender and sexuality studies at the University of Louisville. “He said, ‘Okay, these women, if I say how I’m feeling or how I’m thinking about freedom, they’re going to challenge me. ... So let me be open enough to actually listen to what they’re saying.’ And I’m grateful for that. ... Ideological vulnerability is so important when it comes to dealing with ideas of anti-racism and intersectionality.”

In 2011, Kendi was doing postdoctoral work at Rutgers University — turning his dissertation into his first book, “The Black Campus Movement” — when he met Sadiqa, who was doing a fellowship in pediatric emergency medicine in Philadelphia. He had reached out to her on Match.com. “We both kind of ended up in online dating in the same way,” she recalls. “We just didn’t have time but still wanted to pursue meeting people. ... I saw he was younger than me and said, ‘Well, there’s no way I’m going to date this dude. But I’m a nice person, so I’ll respond at least.’ So I responded and we ended up going back and forth on Match and communicating there for a little while. After a few back-and-forth messages on Match, I thought, ‘Well, gosh, this guy actually seems really cool, pretty mature.’ So I gave him a chance.”

After they had been dating for a few months, Sadiqa and Ibram had dinner at an Asian fusion restaurant in Philadelphia. There was a big statue of the Buddha against a wall, and a drunk white man climbed up and began fondling the statue, to the amusement of his friends. At least he’s not black, Sadiqa recalls saying of the white man. Why? Ibram asked. We don’t need anyone making us look bad, Sadiqa replied.

So began an extended conversation about “uplift suasion,” another racist concept Kendi realized he needed to shed — the assumption that black conduct is to blame for white racist ideas, thus legitimizing white racist ideas about black conduct. “I realized early on that if I’m going to be with Ibram, we’re going to have some discussions on some stuff that is deep,” Sadiqa told me.

By 2013, they were ready to make plans for a spring wedding on a beach in Jamaica, which Essence would photograph for a “Bridal Bliss” feature. There was one more detail to take care of, another case of life and work merging: During his painstaking hunt for the origin and effect of every racist idea he could find, Kendi had discovered that perhaps the first racist idea — grouping all Africans as a single, inferior people — is contained in the 1453 biography of arguably the first racist, Prince Henry the Navigator of Portugal, who was the first European to orchestrate a slave-trade that exclusively targeted Africans. The moment is also significant because, Kendi would argue later, it marked the original case of a racist policy, created out of economic self-interest, being justified by a racist idea: that captive Africans were being civilized and saved by slavery.

The budding historian and evolving anti-racist — still known then as Ibram H. Rogers — became uncomfortable with his middle name: Henry, after his enslaved great-great-great-grandfather. He reasoned that the fate of his ancestor Henry had been set in motion by the original racist, Prince Henry. So as part of the wedding ceremony, with Carol and Larry Rogers officiating, Ibram adopted the middle name Xolani, meaning “peace” in Zulu. At the same time, he and Sadiqa took the last name Kendi, which means “loved one” in the Meru language of eastern Africa.

On a Tuesday evening in mid-August, Kendi brought his ideas to a packed crowd of 575 people invited by a local bookstore to Congregation Beth Elohim in Brooklyn. It was the first stop on his marathon tour for “How to Be an Antiracist,” with dates scheduled through March. It also happened to be his 37th birthday, and his parents, wife and 3-year-old daughter, Imani, were in the audience. Activist and writer Shaun King was seated beside Kendi at the front of the sanctuary to lead the conversation. “Who needs this book?” King began. “Who is this book for?”

Anti-racism, Kendi said, “is recognizing how we’ve been trained, nurtured and educated in ways to be racists. How hard it is to grow up in a racist society, where racist ideas are constantly being rained on your head, and never get wet.” That’s why, he concluded, the book is “for people who think somebody else could use it instead of them. Because I know I needed this book when I was 30, when I was 25 ... and I could even still use this book today.”

He started his answers to King’s questions low and slow. As he got swept up in his argument, his voice picked up speed and gained about an octave in outrage. At one point, Imani emerged from the audience and climbed into his lap. She listened quietly until Kendi wheeled into a riff about how there are only two explanations for a racial inequity such as black unemployment being significantly higher than white unemployment: “Either there’s something wrong with black workers — [which is a] racist idea — or there’s something happening to black workers as they move into the job market” — i.e., racist policies. “Relax, Daddy!” Imani said.

The audience on this night was predominantly white, as it was on the other two occasions I watched Kendi discuss his work and sign hundreds of books: at a church in Lower Manhattan and at Sidwell Friends School in Washington. Kendi has a lot to say to the types of white people who flock to book events about racism. “I can talk all day about how endemic racism is within American conservatism,” he said in Brooklyn. “But when you look at radical thought, when you look at progressive thought, when you look at liberal thought, there are prevailing racist ideas that people are not confronting. Liberals have long made the case there’s something behaviorally or culturally wrong with black people — progressives and radicals have long made the case there’s something behaviorally wrong with black people — but that those inferior behaviors come about as a result of their oppression, their poverty, slavery. ‘Yes, they are inferior, but [it’s] because of what they’re experiencing, the racism they’re experiencing, so that’s why you need to fight racism!’ ”

Kendi calls this the “oppression-inferiority thesis” — the often well-meaning but always destructive idea that mass oppression must manifest itself somehow in defective group behavior, hence the pitiable group must be championed. In “Antiracist,” Kendi quotes abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison’s preface to Frederick Douglass’s slave narrative of 1845: Slavery degraded black people “in the scale of humanity. ... Nothing has been left undone to cripple their intellects, darken their minds, debase their moral nature, obliterate all traces of their relationship to mankind.” Then there is Barack Obama’s campaign speech on race in 2008: “For all those who scratched and clawed their way to get a piece of the American Dream, there were many who didn’t make it — those who were ultimately defeated, in one way or another, by discrimination. That legacy of defeat was passed on to future generations — those young men and increasingly young women who we see standing on street corners or languishing in our prisons, without hope or prospects for the future.”

I think a lot of times we think about this as the work for other people, specifically white people,” says high school teacher Tamika Golden, “and I recognize that this work is for all people.

On the contrary, Kendi told any progressives in Brooklyn who might think that way, “you assume that since the system is dehumanizing, that it is literally making the people subhuman. No. The beauty of humanity is we have the capacity and the ability to strive and thrive in the most horrible, oppressive and dehumanizing conditions. And certainly black people did that during slavery, and they’ve been doing that ever since.”

The white audience members I spoke with after the events were looking for a way to describe what they were seeing in the America of 2019. “There’s a lot of categories of awfulness going on,” said Miles Seligman, a medical coder in Brooklyn. “There’s nothing — from the message and the language and the vocabulary of this kind of book — that can’t help me understand that better.”

Moreover, the example of a black man going first in a prospective communal racial confessional — and this black man’s conception of racism as a curable condition rather than a damnation for all time — seemed to encourage white listeners to look inward. “Racism doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person,” said Jimmy Dabrowski, who took three trains from New Jersey to hear Kendi at the church in Lower Manhattan. “You have to be willing to accept it and then face the reality that anti-racism is the only way forward.” Dabrowski is a health and phys-ed teacher at an elementary school in Perth Amboy. “I’m not an activist,” he said, “but I would hope that maybe by initiating a policy change where we have anti-racism in schools — that’s the kind of activism in my field I want to push for.”

The black audience members I met were already familiar with Kendi’s work. They came clutching well-thumbed copies of “Stamped From the Beginning.” In other words, they did not need to be taught the language. Rather, they were here to heed Kendi’s call for everyone to aspire to more-perfect anti-racism.

“What led me to his work was the belief that what I offered to my students had to be more than what I was giving them now,” said Tamika Golden, a high school English teacher in Brooklyn who uses “Stamped From the Beginning” in her classes. “I needed to figure out what it meant for me to be an anti-racist and to truly work against the socialization and the feelings and thoughts I had about my own people as a group. ... I think a lot of times we think about this as the work for other people, specifically white people, and I recognize that this work is for all people.”

Anwar Abdul-Rahman, principal at a charter middle school in Brooklyn where the majority of students are black or Latino, told me Kendi’s work offered “a framework for looking at racist ideas in America. You have your segregationists, you have assimilationists, and then you have your racist ideas and then counteracting that with anti-racism and what does that look like — I thought that was just a real profound idea that even as a black man was something that I could use in my life.” He, too, finds ways to work Kendi into the curriculum.

To his publics of all races, Kendi offers the same redemptive promise. In Brooklyn, King had asked him to read a couple of pages aloud. Kendi’s voice, now sonorous and incantatory, transformed the passages into a prose poem, ending with this paragraph: “But there is a way to get free. To be antiracist is to emancipate oneself from the dueling consciousness. To be antiracist is to conquer the assimilationist consciousness and the segregationist consciousness. The White body no longer presents itself as the American body; the Black body no longer strives to be the American body, knowing there is no such thing as the American body, only American bodies, radicalized by power. "

Kendi received his cancer diagnosis just as he was focusing his writing on the role of denial in the persistence of racism — all those folks who say they are “not racist.” At the time, he was a seemingly healthy, relatively young man with no apparent risk factors. Denial was an option for him, too.

“If I would have denied that I had cancer, then the cancer would have just continued to spread and eventually would have killed me,” he told me. “I had also been thinking about, even before the diagnosis, about how important it is for Americans to stop denying the existence of racism itself. ... The fact that in order for America to survive racism, they had to stop denying racism. Then, in that moment — in that same week — I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer.”

When he felt better, he began to write new sentences — hopeful sentences — that found their way into the last chapter of the new book: “We can survive metastatic racism. Forgive me. I cannot separate the two, and no longer try. ... What if we treated racism in the way we treat cancer? ... Saturate the body politic with the chemotherapy or immunotherapy of antiracist policies that shrink the tumors of racial inequities, that kill undetectable cancer cells.”

Sadiqa told me she and Ibram had a deal during his treatment regimen. He could continue to write, lecture, run the Antiracist Center, as long as he would listen to her on the occasions she detected he was pushing himself too hard. “People heal differently, and for him, he needed to have some semblance of his life, of his work, in order to mentally have the fight that I knew he would need for healing,” she said. “Pushing and making that will-to-live larger than giving up and succumbing to something that, if you just look at the numbers, was likely to take his life.” At least once, when he had a bad fever during chemo, she ordered him to cancel a speaking trip. “He was upset, but he listened,” she said.

After six months of chemotherapy, at the end of summer 2018, surgeons removed tissue in which pathologists found no cancer cells. This past summer, his body was scanned and all looked clear. “I can’t necessarily call myself a survivor as much as I’m surviving it,” Kendi told me. “But I think I’m headed in a good direction.”

And the rest of us? What direction are we headed in? The popularity of his books and the size of his lecture crowds are signs that more and more people are willing to look inside themselves to consider their own racism. At the talk in Brooklyn, King asked Kendi where he finds hope. Kendi went through the history of anti-racist progress, then added, “In order to bring about change, you literally have to believe in the possibility of change” — just as you have to believe in the possibility of a cure. “Here I am,” he told the audience, “cancer-free.”

But for America, it’s touch and go. Racist ideas continue to kill — that’s no metaphor — as the El Paso shooter most recently demonstrated. At times, Kendi sounds like an oncologist who has seen the worst. “It’s the same case with racism,” he told me. “You have people who do not want to take America, or even themselves, through the pain of healing because they’re convinced that it’s not going to work. Which makes sense if they’re convinced it’s not going to work. But once we convince ourselves that America can never heal itself from racism, then racism will persist and, I suspect, eventually destroy this country.”

David Montgomery is a staff writer for the magazine.

[calorieworkouts]

How Eating More and Moving Less Helped Me Lose Weight and Change My Life

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All Work and No Play

My brand-new physical fitness approach was" all or absolutely nothing." I started waking up early to invest 45 mins on the elliptical device prior to job. I additionally enrolled in individual training, attended team health and fitness classes from spinning to yoga, and spent for a meal shipment service that supplied calorically restricted dishes. Everything helped-- I lost some weight as well as my cholesterol degrees enhanced. As well as though I was placing in a lots of work for fairly modest rewards, I felt sanctimonious and proud of my accomplishments. The "eat less, relocate a lot more" concept didn't actually solve my issue. It became a problem.

The 'eat much less, relocate more 'concept didn't actually solve my issue. As a matter of fact, it came to be a problem.

I kept my food intake low throughout the week by consuming only low-calorie foods, yet compensated myself on Fridays with pizza. On Saturdays I pushed (err ... penalized )myself with extended stints on the treadmill. I attempted eating "healthy and balanced" foods like bananas and peanut butter, kale, wonderful potatoes, quinoa, as well as grilled chick bust, but my weight management quickly plateaued, and also I still really did not such as the way I looked. I increased down and also required myself to atone for my" sins" with juice cleanses.

When ravenous cravings (unavoidably) set in, I got damaged down and also ate also much more. It was a savage cycle that continued for over a year. My yo-yo pattern most likely would have proceeded forever if my pal Michael Gruen hadn't pointered in with some wise advice.

Eating 101

Gruen, a fellow entrepreneur and also previous banker, had just recently used up weight training and also slimmed down himself. He did not have stellar fitness credentials, but I trusted his judgment due to the fact that I had actually observed his health and fitness makeover firsthand. He mentioned to me that my" consume much less, move a lot more" viewpoint simply had not been functioning. Amusingly, he recommended that I must try consuming more and also moving less. While I was undoubtedly skeptical, the suggestion stuck.

My previous efforts at health and health and fitness had actually left me with a collection of bad behaviors that I erroneously took into consideration "much healthier. "Because starting my journey, I had relied primarily on ladies' storage locker space chatter as well as mainstream health and fitness publications. According to those resources, the most effective ways to drop weight and also obtain fit were extreme cardio sessions, oat meal for breakfast, tidy foods, and calorie restriction. Considering that those 'tried and real' approaches obviously weren't benefiting me, I started to do my very own research study into nourishment as well as health for the very first time.

One of the initial points I discovered is that fat cells produce an essential hormone called leptin. The body is really delicate to the total amount in blood circulation, so when fat cells diminish( because of caloric limitation), less leptin is secreted. The mind detects this reduction as well as reacts by triggering an increase in hunger as well as a decline in metabolic rate.

By eating much less, I was not only making myself hungrier and reducing my total willpower, I was unintentionally reducing my capability to burn off calories.

By consuming less( during my crash-diet phase), I was not only making myself hungrier and also decreasing my total determination (greetings, Friday night pizza binges ), I was unintentionally decreasing my ability to burn calories. My low leptin degrees indicated I was hungrier than ever. Rather than listening to my body, I compelled myself to do extra workout to burn off the calories, which consequently triggered much more appetite. No marvel I would certainly been spiraling!

I began consuming a lot more protein and fiber-rich veggies( like spinach and also broccoli) at each dish. Much to my shock, eating' much more 'assisted-- I quit really feeling starving at all times, which meant I really did not devour on scrap almost as commonly. It makes good sense, because researches present to that raising healthy protein consumption could reduce the desire to binge on various other( commonly less healthy and balanced) food.

Gaining Weight

As I started to get involved in the behavior of healthier consuming, Gruen urged me to move much less, since, according to him, I was still functioning out way too much. Research recommends that working out for longer periods of time offers little additional advantage when it comes to shedding weight. The body will certainly wind up making up for those added minutes invested at the gym by slowing the metabolic process and stoking cravings. Rather, Gruen advised incorporated lifts like squats, bench presses, and also deadlifts, which could effectively exercise the whole body. Substance lifts could additionally improve endurance, accelerate cardiovascular feature, increase metabolism, reduce coronary danger, and also assist with mental well being.

As an added incentive, striking the weight rack as opposed to the cardio device is a big time-saver. To have adequate time for my morning cardio craze, I needed to cut right into my bedtime. I regularly discovered myself obtaining less compared to 7 hrs of rest to obtain up early adequate to place in time on the treadmill-- I was quite actually running myself rough. This also wasn't doing my body any favors. A recent research study discovered that merely 3 evenings of insufficient sleep( less than seven to 8 hrs )made individuals dramatically less delicate to insulin( Insulin sensitivity can help or prevent maintaining a healthy and balanced weight, given that it influences blood glucose degrees, which in turn control hunger.). With my new weight lifting program, I invested much less time in the health club, even more time in bed asleep, and, incredibly, located myself looking much leaner compared to I carried my previous all-cardio physical fitness regimen.

Healthy forever-- The Takeaway

Julie Fredrickson, September 2013 Offered my busy life, the timeless" move much more, consume much less" was specifically the incorrect strategy to take in regards to physical fitness and also health and wellness. After I allow go of my preconditioned ideas of just what was "healthy and balanced," educated myself about basic nourishment and physical fitness, and also found convenient consuming and also working out approaches, I was lastly able to constantly preserve a habit of health.

This isn't the kind of improvement you see glamorized in the fitness press-- in my instance, it took practically 4 years to find out ways to reach my goals and also maintain my" transformation. "And also while I lost 20 pounds of fat, obtained muscular tissue, as well as obtained my cholesterol back to a healthy location, the real" in the past as well as after" is my mental shift. Because in truth, the only diet plan( or physical fitness weight loss program) that functions is the one you stick with for life.

[joroanblog]

Stress Wash Contractors - Is it Really About the cash?

As with any type of trade, a contractor participating in the pressure washing sector has their sight on one main goal. That is to earn money and LOTS of it.

This is possibly the one common measure that many pressure clean contractors provide as their factor for joining the rank and file as a specialist power washing contractor. Clearly there is absolutely nothing incorrect with making money with your company; this is why you stay in business right? Oftentimes a service providers success is measured by recommended standards passed down from one generation to the following. One of them being just how much cash do you make? The formula has constantly been that money equates to success. The various other is whether or not you are hectic? If a professional is active, then the old motto is that they have to be successful due to the fact that their busy. And also if a specialist is active 7 days a week from sun-up to sun-down after that obviously they are making great money ~ right?

The Rat Race of Success?

Imagine having a 5 year company strategy that produces a surge of development for your company that everything else in your life is on hold in order to fit the being plentiful development you experience time after time? The increase of sales phone calls should be addressed within 1 day ideally. As soon as addressed, then you need to arrange the quotes. Do not fail to remember to put in the time to evidence review your advertising and marketing fliers/postcards in between addressing all the sales phone calls as well as the estimates that you simply scheduled. Phone time with your supplier is a must in order to maintain the chemicals/soaps stocked. The phone time with your representative additionally affords you the opportunity to ask technical concerns about the "rattling noise" you hear on your gear when it functions. For a few of you, if your rig decreases then you are nonoperational a minimum of for the following 24-48 hrs at minimum.

Other specialists require their time additionally on the phone with you so they can "flex your ear" for ideas and suggestions. Establish some time aside during the night to maintain your companies internet visibility in the forefront for your client base as well as to answer emails from customers that chose to not call you throughout the day. Educating any kind of brand-new staff member will certainly take a good piece out of a job day so prepare accordingly. If you are a one-man operation you clearly will require to operate your cleaning schedule in order to make time to really execute the work that was reserved from those sales calls mentioned earlier. In the past you had the ability to make bank deposits every Friday however today you just can not appear to make it to the bank until after it is closed because you literally have a thousand various other top priorities happening with the success of your business.

In in between this quick procedure tempo you may take care of to provide your loved one a get in touch with the phone to let them understand that you will certainly not be able to make it to your kids little league game or your daughters dance recital once again as assured. You provide a sincere as well as heart felt apology not just to your loved one however more significantly to your youngster that is certainly disturbed that you will certainly not exist - again. You had every intention to make it this time around when you left for job that morning yet luckily a client hysterically called in the nick of time saying the discolor you applied the other day was not the best color! Before you hang up with your wife you mention that you will not make it house for supper either. Has this been your routine lately? Do the needs of your company as well as the concerns related to it overshadow the very reason why you are in business of pressure washing to begin with?

What is Your System?

Service growth and the initiative that is required to manage that growth can be a pleasant experience as a stress laundry business owner. As your service grows on the surface i.e. sales, advertising, increase in agreements, you need to make certain that you inner service framework i.e. staff members, managers, sales team is likewise expanding to compliment this exterior growth. It is extremely recommended that your company strategy not only talks on "systems" however a lot more importantly that you understand the action on your part to position the right people right into your service to make sure that the "systems" in writing can look to "systems" of fact. As business owners, we frequently neglect the facilities portion of our service plan by diverting our focus on only just how to get our phone to ring. When this occurs we locate ourselves running our company in what is frequently known as 'catch up mode'. This implies that whatever time of the day it is, you lag timetable or in 'catch up setting' because your "systems" still lay inactive. Combined with simply lagging timetable each day, we likewise subconsciously run a very high danger of losing on the happiness of spending high quality time with our family and liked ones as defined in the example over. Does this sound like you?

Who supervises?

There is good news as well as today you are equipped as the proprietor of your business to quit this cycle of madness and take control of your business instead of letting your organisation control you. The primary step in order to reclaim control of your company is that you require to arrive to the understanding as well as belief that constant organisation development is not necessarily the only indication to success. As a pressure washing professional with a family you owe it to your significant other and also youngsters to make certain that the development of your business does not regularly outweigh the straightforward things in life that everybody in your house needs and wants.

Who ME??

As business owners, we have the deluxe and also the capability to 'downsize' our time in the field in order to make the time to offer our household the interest they are entitled to. Why? Since you are the proprietor and the one in charge. That is right; YOU call the shots on the daily procedures as well as at what the procedure pace of your day will resemble. If your 'systems' activity strategy just got as far as it being written on a notepad after that you run an extremely high danger of melting on your own out really rapidly. Paired this along with the psychological peer stress from your significant other that you have actually not invested quality time with your household in the last 4-6 months, it is plausible that day you might wake up as well as understand that you do not appreciate what you are doing i.e. pressure washing.

Instead of starting your pressure laundry period with just the function of making as much money as you can, could it be practical that you approach your pressure laundry period with the mind established that your business as well as family members will maintain a "equilibrium" through out the year? Oh the pleasure of seeing a young kids deal with illuminate when he sees BOTH parents sitting in the bleachers to view his little league game in the middle of the afternoon; Or the smile from ear-to-ear when a young child happily delves into your arms since you came to choose her up from institution. Developing the right "systems" in your pressure washing business takes some time as well as eventually some experimentation. It is fine if you do not get it right after a number of efforts however be mindful as well as positive that you will get there ultimately. Taking care of the growth of your firm may also mean temporarily not expanding in any way until you able to discover the appropriate people that posses the capability your service requires to take it to that following plateau.

Time To Reflect

If you find yourself in the middle of the stress clean gauntlet today, take a moment and also review what is really important in your life on your terms. Ask yourself why you became a pressure washing professional in the first place? Was it because you and also your household desired the freedom that you could not acquire benefiting someone else? If so, where is that liberty today? Take stock on just how your time away from the family might be viewed by your better half as well as your kids today. If generating income in any way costs is what drives you after that congratulations on your success. If you look for that "equilibrium" between pressure washing as well as family members keep in mind that you are equipped to be in control of your days. One of benefits of being a local business owner is that you have the capability to maintain any schedule that you want.

I personally recognize a pressure washing professional situated in Kentucky that has actually taken a pretty suitable pressure washing service. Among the keys to his success is that he handles his organisation knowledgeables letting his organisation handle him. It is not uncommon for him to be out riding his Harley in the afternoon or taking his lovely household to a local restaurant for an early dinner on any provided day. This is an archetype of how one pressure washing service provider has making use of why he stays in business in the first place; that is to enjoy life. I do not know just how much cash he makes a year yet I would certainly guess that he, in addition to various other pressure washing specialists that have actually mastered this "balance" between work and family members, is possibly among the wealthiest men in the sector and also has really little if any to do with the size of his checking account.

Lets Go Out for Dinner

So as your phone remains to call off the hook and also you are trying to be superman for all your consumers all at once, quit and also asked yourself whether or not 'is it actually concerning all the cash?' If so, continue your trip as well as you should be praised for your sacrifice. Otherwise, I make sure you would be superman, at the very least for that night, to your household when you turn up at your home unannounced to tell them you are taking them bent on supper! see it here Painting

Address: 8290 Matisse St APT 3510 Championsgate FL 33896

[presuninoc-blog]

When did online dating start

The History Of Dating in America This page will be updated whenever new page additions, articles and other resources are.  Or do we have a combination of the two? As more and more people meet their significant others online, the stigma against it is deteriorating.  Tell me one random fact about yourself.  If you could be a character in any movie, who would you be? What kinds of things do you like to do for fun? Reception Trust and safety There are mixed opinions regarding the safety of online dating.  Social networking carried with it a much smaller stigma, since it is also used by those not seeking a partner at all.  Much of this was spurred on by the Internet service providers themselves.

3 Ways to Start Dating Increased dating and marriage outside traditional social circles may be a contributing factor to coincident societal changes, including rising rates of interracial marriage.  For example, online dating sites may expose more female members in particular to , , and by.  Learn how to pick me a lot more than make you may benefit from my cup of online within minutes, and.  The concept of online dating was birthed from the initiative of newsgroups in the past.  You're worried that online dating isn't something that once you like okcupid was match.  I mean, one could argue that even Voyager 1's is kind of a massive, interstellar personal ad complete with the recorded sound of a kiss! Tell me a little bit about yourself.  By the late 1940s and early 1950s demographic realities began to sink in: There was a shortage of men.

When did online dating first start Does the history of the first date with messaging first in 1995.  Online daters may have more liberal social attitudes compared to the general population in the United States.  Around half is from the internet was hard.  Because online dating takes place in virtual space, it is possible for profile information to be misrepresented or falsified.  Dating service … world of online dating more than dating apps, especially for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transexual singles.

Online Dating: How It All Began Because you meet someone online dating sites see this year.  Singapore's is the governmental organization facilitating dating activities in the country.  People could meet potential boyfriends or girlfriends on the Web without going to a site dedicated to the cause.  If you got one what would you get? Ok, you've got all i learned from online dating was not all countries and start spending more and single men.  The suit claimed up to 60 percent were inactive profiles, fake or fraudulent users.  Phishing, fake profiles, and ads for escorts continue this tradition today.

The History of Online Dating 1959 Birth control gave women power over their for the first time, empowering female sexuality due to liberation from the constant risk of unwanted pregnancy.  In 1998, Internet dating got a cultural boost with the.  Yes or no: Do you believe in love at first sight? Consistent with the and theories, Asians, Latinos and blacks are more open to dating whites than whites are to dating them.  Wall Street Journal — Eastern Edition.  In March 2008, the top 5 overall sites held 7% less market share than they did one year ago while the top sites from the top five major niche dating categories made considerable gains.  He earned degrees from University of Memphis B.

3 Ways to Start Dating A lot of critics in the past have underestimated the power of the Internet to help build relationships, and now it has been widely accepted as a good form of meeting new people and possibly kindling romantic relationships.  ¹ pdf version Contractions dont date him list recessions start at the peak of a business cycle and end at the trough.  Take our free personality quiz, and start dating verified singles now! It can almost always be traced down to 1 single.  Do you have a signature drink? Specific information does more fun by geography.  Reported crimes related: are going to find the country music streaming visit.  Because they were often used by homosexuals and sex workers, British police continued to prosecute those who placed personals until the late 1960s, when ads became part of the burgeoning youth counterculture.

The History of Online Dating From 1695 to Now Niche sites cater to people with special interests, such as sports fans, racing and automotive fans, medical or other professionals, people with political or religious preferences e.  A website may have two women for every man, but they may be in the 35+ range, while the men are generally under 35.  If the average age of first marriages was dropping around age 18 for women and 20 for men then the preparation for marriage — the shopping around, if you will — had to begin much earlier than that.  Would you describe yourself as a romantic person? Views on online dating were similar across genders, with women expressing more concerns about safety than men.  At the same time, the rapid growth of both Facebook and Myspace, as well as the applications built around them, only serve to centralize most introductions on the Web, including romantic ones.

Online Dating: How It All Began Do you have any plans for a vacation this year? Few steady couples expected to marry each other, but for the duration of the relationship, acted as if they were married.  What kind of music do you usually listen do? If you could live anywhere, where would it be? With images, audio and databases of personal data, the Web is not just a new way to meet others, but an incredibly efficient one.  Scam artists caused a scandal that many newspapers ran with, and personals disappeared practically overnight as public attitudes became more cautious.  This convenience and anonymity allows individuals to toy with online dating without having to risk co-workers or friends knowing what they are doing.  Bahasa indonesia - millions of true for a couple random emails from a hot date does dating does represent the 1.

When did online dating start Best online dating start the new members did it was sitting at communicating discover people had plans to date.  Whether it's a passionate or romantic relationship.  If it also includes broader events related to death.  However, for dating sites, the change came more from the launch of Friendster and Myspace in 2002.  Marriage breakups happened in about 6% of online couples, compared to 7.  Online and long distance dating are here to stay.  Online introduction services In 2008, a variation of the online dating model emerged in the form of introduction sites, where members have to search and contact other members, who introduce them to other members whom they deem compatible.

[wishingfornever]

1/31/2018 – No Contact:  Petty Bourgeois Emotion

If there is a God then he would truly be a tyrant.

Sorry… Starting off a bit strong.  The point is, I realized why I haven’t been able to tend to my journal as of late.  I got a TON of hours lately.  So much so that I can’t really handle the journal.  I get home late at night, consider writing in my journal, but I forget. Then I have to fall asleep.  I hear my cousin in the other room…  I don’t want to wake her.  So, nothing gets done.

A lot of work means little time for play.  My days off consist of me doing nothing for an hour and then realizing that hour lasted the entire day.  D’oh.

Work went well today… was thinking of some of the things I wanted to tell you but haven’t due to… well, the workload.  It’ll lighten up in a bit.  I work today (current time being 12:45 in the morning, which means I would have been the 30th of January instead of 31st had I hustled, but whatever).  I worked yesterday, of course, and it went… well.  The day before, not so much.  The 29th…  Really bad.  I don’t think Diana likes me.

I’ve been punished for my lust.  :/

I thought my manager I have been closing with did too.  No, she’s just usually annoyed.  She speaks so softly and I can’t hear that well because everything was loud with my dad.  I really realized I’m not fond of my dad, lately.  :/

Regardless, work went well today.  It’s a tuesday, so better than monday. January is the Monday of Months, of course.

My manager was late for her bus on the 29th.  Yesterday (or today, whatevs) we got out at a regular time.  It’s great.  I hope she caught her bus but idk.  I had a lot of time to think, mind you. Think of… what?  My life?

I’m feeling more centered. Found… several songs.  One is an animation…  Beautiful, I think. Just… it appeals to me.  I have it on repeat, basically.  It’s… given me a bit of hope.  I listen to the lyrics and… well, I relate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRpiBvwKX6c

The song is called “The Villain I Appear to be” which is apt.  Listen to it… maybe you’d disagree.  After reading what you’ve read. Knowing what you know.  Maybe you’ll know better.  Maybe I’m not familiar with the villain I really am.  Hard to tell.

There are several other songs.  Expanded my favorites.  It’s… helped. Music is a salve for the soul.  These songs, I’ve stumbled upon in one way or another… they’ve been a light when I’ve been totally isolated in solemn darkness.

There is this song… makes me think of Esther.  I think I’ll keep it to myself.  It’s a good song, but I’ve already shared one in this post.  Won’t share another.

Man… Was thinking about Dennis earlier today.  Months ago, I was coming up with a plan.  I was going to call Esther a whore or something?  I wouldn’t have meant it but if Dennis exploded at Shane, he’d DEFINITELY exploded at me.  So, I would have picked a fight.  Would have been easy.

Again, months ago.  I was more angry then.  After he blocked me when I thought we could reconcile.  Bullshit.  That’s still bullshit.

Whatever. Point is, after doing some weight training… I’m not sure I could take him.  Not confident in my strength anymore.  This is why I think God is a tyrant.  This was the one thing I had faith in and now… it’s gone.  I had nightmares where I’d just decay and my muscles would weaken.  Maybe that was my body trying to tell me that my horrors became the facts.

I’m not pleased.

Needless to say, I’m not trying to get in a fist fight with Dennis.  Not anymore, at least.  I need more exercise first, and even then… I don’t think I have the heart for it.  Then again, the ORIGINAL plan was to have him hit me but I know he wouldn’t do that.  We’d have to agree on the fight to make it legal.  It’s on private property, so it should be fine.

I thought about it long and hard.  Again, not the plan anymore.  I guess the plan is to keep bitching about them until I get tired of it.  Yay?

Been watching a lot of streamers lately. Probably a bad thing.  It’s been making me late.  I’ve considered streaming myself.  Gives me someone to talk to.  I am starting to feel the lack of friends.  I’ve selected this solitude for myself. How generous I’ve become.  D’oh…

Oh, my NationState.  MN Has been INACTIVE.  Yes, for reasons.  Mostly that I’m busy and the responsibilities stress me the FUCK out. Like, really.  Life sucks.  -,-

Among my musical discoveries, I also discovered the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen.  A PornStar.  At least, she was the most initially attractive woman.  Her name I Mia Magma, born several years before me.  A German woman and it took me forever to discover this.  I saw her doing a very passionate blowjob and I couldn’t even fap.  She just had the face of an angel.

Later, I discovered her teeth were somewhat peculiar and she doesn’t have much of an ass, unfortunately.  Ah, well.

Still, she’s a beautiful woman.  I made a PornHub account just to say she’s beautiful.  Used my public screen name as my private screen name was… taken.  I avoid numbers.  Bad luck.  So, I said fuck it. I don’t have anything to hide from anyone.  Why should I care?  Oh, what if someone finds me?  Finds where I live and kills me?  Bah!  I don’t care.  Doubt they would.

That said, I realized I might not have mentioned this.  I was watching A LOT of porn and I was concerned that I miiiiiight have had viruses. Could have explained the blue screening too.  So, I found an antivirus.  Got a years subscription.  Would get too but I’ve been talking to one of my cousins about getting a new one.  Seems since the bitcoin bubble, prices for computers went up.  I think I mentioned this, actually…

Regardless, I’d have to get a new antivirus if I get a new computer and I think this one would at least last the year.  I found USB drives at work. Cheap and should be big enough for this file.  I’ll move the important files over to it and work directly from there.  Hopefully, if my computer dies before I’m through, I’ll be prepared and I won’t have to salvage everything or start over.

I woke up this morning screaming.  No, didn’t dream about Esther. Leg cramped.  Right calf.  I could feel the muscle in a place it wasn’t supposed to be.  Not a good sign.  Thought today was going to be bad.  It may have been… a little bit.  Again, for the most part it was good.  Tiresome though…

I’ve been trying to get back into gaming but… eh.  It’s sort of why I wanted to start streaming.  So I could have a REASON to get back into gaming.  It’s not a good way, but it’s something.  In fact, I should probably embrace not gaming.  It might help.  Idk.

You know, I don’t ever get to share what I want to share.  I know I’ll forget something but…  Eh.  I’m going to watch a French-Iranian movie called “Persepolis.”  I just downloaded a picture quoting the movie so I figured I’d enjoy the source material.  After, might play a game of… something and go to bed.  Idk.  Tomorrow, I don’t work.  :D

Persepolis… was a really good movie.  Though, I think it hinted that she (Marjane Satrapi) was raped at one point?  Two men and she was sleeping in an alleyway.  I hope she wasn’t.  :/

I liked how in the movie, she wasn’t afraid to portray herself as the villain.  She acknowledged what she was doing was wrong.  As a child wanting to gouge out the eyes of another child and other instances into adulthood.  Heavy stuff.  Of course, some cases… she did what she had to.  Still, she regretted what she had done afterwards but she acknowledged that they were wrong.  She didn’t hide her own injustices.

As a Communist, that’s good.  In a debate, Stalin and Mao are inevitably brought up.  Can’t deny they happened, can only educate as to WHY it happened.  If the fools you’re debating refuse to learn then they aren’t looking for a debate but a confrontation. You won’t sway minds because they’re not offering their minds to be swayed.  They have nothing on their mind beyond, “You’re the enemy” despite not knowing why.

There is a lot of history.  Concerning imperialism over Iran, the war with Iraq, the religious dictatorship.  Marx said religion was the opiate of the masses.  I wonder if Satrapi is a practicing Muslim.  Wouldn’t be surprised… she thought she’d be a prophet when she got older. Have sections where she spoke to god directly.  Then there was Karl Marx, which was interesting.  Apparently, after doing a bit of research, she compared Marx to God?  Yeah, that sounds like something ripe with controversy.

Still, as I said, I wasn’t expecting much communism in the movie.  I mean, the picture I downloaded… it says “Love is a petty bourgeois emotion” with Marjane looking at a dog.  I thought the movie was going to be about something else, I didn’t realize the heavy political undertone.  I like how everyone but Marjane and her mother have American accents.  They both have Iranian accents.  Of course, the religious guard have actually… kind of soft and gentle American accents.  If it wasn’t for the fact that they were the bad guys, they’d be… adorable.

They all look the same and when they’re not harassing people, they seem quite earnest.  Weird to say.  Like, they confront Marjane because she’s running and that makes her butt jiggle.  She explodes at them (love a strong woman) and they’re confused and almost sad.  Again, these guys are all interchangeable with one another.  Not sure if that’s intentional or not.

I hope… my books sell well enough to the point that I can contact Marjane.  Ask her questions, trade ideas…  She is the Frida of my generation.  An incredible and deep artist with Communist tendencies? Yes, please.  And I think her and her family are terribly clever.  I respect that.

I feel like I’ve been getting more dumb lately.  Spelling errors, punctuation errors, etc.  I’m slipping.

I also want to talk to her now.  I need… guidance.  Someone who can understand me.  She had depression and I certainly do.  We have different backgrounds but I get her.  Of course, she parties a bit more than I do.  She’s not a social outcast, now that I think about it… but she is a wide eyed dreamer.  Typical communist, I know.  ;)

I’m not like Marjane.  Maybe she won’t understand me, now that I think about it.  But we are likeminded… perhaps a better word but eh. Could just be wishful thinking.

Eh… I found a page on facebook… as well as facebook profiles.  There are tons.  Think adding her is too personal.  I liked the public page.  I want to send her a message but… what would I say?

Hi, I’m a young 20 something with NOTHING happening in my life and I feel like a chronic failure.  Our only similarities is that we’re both communists and struggle or used to struggle with depression! Please respond!

I… don’t like messaging famous people. I feel like I’m just… trying to get attention.  I don’t like being noticed by the streamer while watching twitch for similar reasons.  I feel a lot of guilt for something totally irrelevant.

So… I ended up venting in a stream.  Mentioned that I want to message Marjane.  Someone told me that if I were to ask for guidance ask if she has time to chat.  I just discovered her.  That’s… rushing things, I guess?  I don’t know.  Maybe I should research her more? I don’t know.  I don’t know anything.  :/

Ugh… I’m caught at a bad time.  Very bad time.  But that’s life, eh? I’m going to go to bed.  Maybe… maybe I’ll message Marjane tomorrow.  Talk to her… share my story…  Or something, I don’t know.  All that I know is that I know nothing.

Time is 11:50.

I was offered a job at work today.  Discount Tire.  Overtime is 20 per hour.  Not sure what it means for regular pay but it’ll be better than Dollar General.  I’m excited.

I’ve been feeling very… inspired, I guess.  Not necessarily inspired positively or negatively just more susceptible to emotions.  When I found out I’ve been noticed, I was just agape with joy.  I was hoping earlier that it’d happen to me because I was thinking the universe was turning against me.  That maybe I wouldn’t get the chance to see Ariel.  My frivolous spending spree has set me back by a lot… I won’t get a card until next week.  I’ll call the number and get set up.

I’m excited.  More money means Ariel comes sooner… but I also said I wanted to leave.  I’d leave later because this would be a more serious job.  Maybe I could get it when I come back?  If I come back? I don’t know.  I’ll see how I feel.

[blockheadbrands]

Buzzes & Bummers: 2018 Was a Wild Ride in the World of Cannabis

David Bienenstock of Leafly Reports:

It took a whole lot of rolling (joints) and scrolling (old news feeds) to complete a thorough review of the most important, inspiring and infuriating stories about cannabis from the past year—and no doubt I still missed a few along the way. In my defense, 2018 has been a wild ride in the world of weed, a 12-month timespan which truly could be called “the best of times and the worst of times,” or perhaps just the highest and lowest of times.

My personal year in cannabis began on New Year’s Day, when I waited in line along with countless other Californians to buy some cannabis on the first day of legal adult-use sales. The fact that I was already stoned before I made my purchase would seem to indicate that it wasn’t exactly difficult to find cannabis in the Golden State prior to this momentous occasion, but that’s kind of besides the point.

And cannabis just kept getting legal-er and legal-er all year, including in Vermont, Michigan, Missouri, Utah, and the entire nation of Canada (see more below). Election Night also ushered in new, pro-legalization governors in so-far not legalized Illinois, Connecticut, Maine, Minnesota, and New Mexico, and also saw the defeat of staunch cannabis opponent Pete Sessions, who’s been blocking cannabis legislation for years.

And then you scroll a little further down and discover that the new Farm Bill is going to legalize hemp farming in the United States for the first time in eighty years (huzzah!). Or that Big Tobacco just invested $2.4 billion dollars in the weed business (fuck!). Or that Thailand is blazing a trail in Asia—where cannabis laws are often draconian and harshly enforced—by legalizing medical use (yes!). Or assholes like recently retired Speaker of the House John Boehner think that after decades of pushing prohibition they deserved to get rich off cannabis (oh, hell no!).

It’s honestly hard to know what to think these days. Perhaps my new year’s resolution for 2019 will be more rolling, less scrolling! But until then, here are the buzzes and bummers 2018 had to offer.

Buzz: Vermont Legalizes Adult-Use Cannabis

Less than two weeks into 2018, Vermont lawmakers gave final approval to a bill legalizing adult-use cannabis, and the governor subsequently signed it into law, making it the first state to end prohibition through the legislature rather than a direct vote of citizens.

Bummer: Big Tobacco Makes Moves in Cannabis

It’s no longer a question of if Big Tobacco and the booze barons will enter the cannabis market, but rather how aggressively they’ll move in and how much market share they’ll manage to gobble up.

Neither corporate giant lifted a finger to help legalize cannabis or bring justice to the millions of people who’ve been incarcerated or had their lives disrupted as a result of prohibition.

In August, Constellation Brands (brewers of Corona beer) spent $4 billion to massively up their stake in Canopy Growth, which in 2014 became the first publicly traded cannabis company in North America, and now lists on both the New York Stock Exchange and the Toronto Stock Exchange.

And then in December, Altria (formerly Phillip Morris) made a $1.8 billion investment in Cronos, a Canadian cannabis company, which includes an option to take a controlling stake in the future. As first reported by Leafly, Altria has “over the past five years quietly patented dozens of devices that could be used to consume marijuana, a review of public documents at the US Patent and Trademark Office shows.”

Important to note: Neither corporate giant lifted a finger to help legalize cannabis or bring justice to the millions of people around the world who’ve been incarcerated or had their lives disrupted as a result of prohibition. And Altria in particular comes to the table with a long track record of corporate malfeasance, which is why they changed their name in the first place.

Buzz: Bong Wick Fighting Crime

On September 6, four men burst into the Recreational Cannabis Farmers Market in Shannonville, Canada, spraying a can of bear mace and screaming “get down.” The plan was allegedly to rob the place blind, but as they say in the action movies, these punks picked the wrong dispensary.

Despite being outnumbered and taken by surprise, John Wick—the store’s clerk—reached down below the register, pulled out a borosilicate glass bong, and prepared to defend his turf. As captured in the store’s surveillance video, the four cowardly criminals were clearly no match for a good guy with a bong.

Bummer: The Cost of Legal CBD

What would you call someone who spends $32,500 a year on cannabis that doesn’t get you high? GW Pharmaceuticals will soon call them customers, because that’s how much patients are estimated to shell out for Epidiolex, a cannabis-derived treatment for seizure disorders that was approved in June by the FDA, rescheduled by the DEA in September (though only Epidiolex was rescheduled, not CBD itself) and is currently moving rapidlythrough phase III clinical trials.

There’s nothing to justify the sky-high price (about $90 per day) beyond the cost of research and development to win FDA approval.

Marinol (synthetic THC) has been available by prescription since 1986, and other synthetic cannabinoid drugs are in the works, but Epidiolex is the first plant-derived pharmaceutical to reach the US market. It was fast tracked through the approval process in response to parents of severely epileptic children pushing for a way to legally use CBD, after seeing it work wonders for children profiled in a 2013 CNN documentary called Weed, hosted by Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

Bringing pharmaceutical CBD to market will make it available to patients in every state (with a doctor’s prescription), allow it to be covered by health insurance, and guarantee a product that’s produced to high standards.

But there’s nothing to justify the sky-high price (about $90 per day) beyond the cost of research and development to win FDA approval and Big Pharma’s insatiable thirst for profits. No wonder GW has been working behind the scenes to lobby for a de-facto monopoly on legal CBD.

Because here’s the recipe, which includes nothing expensive:

EPIDIOLEX (cannabidiol) oral solution is a clear, colorless to yellow liquid containing cannabidiol at a concentration of 100 mg/mL. Inactive ingredients include dehydrated alcohol, sesame seed oil, strawberry flavor, and sucralose.

Buzz: Canada Legalizes Adult-Use Cannabis

On October 17, Canada made history by becoming the second nation (after Uruguay) to federally legalize adult-use cannabis. Leafly provided coast-to-coast coverage, and threw a party called the “Bud Drop” with a countdown to the big moment when the clock struck midnight.

We even got you ready to roll with a comprehensive list of the best Canadian cannabis strains of all time, including Island Sweet Skunk, Romulan, and Jean Guy.

Bummer: Patients Are Still Struggling for Cannabis Access

John Flickner, a 78-year-old resident of Niagara Falls, New York, was evicted from his federally subsidized housing in December of this year for using a vape pen. The facility, which has a “zero tolerance” policy on “drug use” (except alcohol and pharmaceuticals) kicked Flickner to the curb in the freezing cold despite the fact that he uses a wheelchair and has a doctor’s recommendation to consume medical cannabis per state law.

All because federal law still sees him as a wonton criminal. So he ended up in a homeless shelter. Thankfully, a public outcry led his old landlords to allow him back home.

Buzz: Utah Legalized Medical Cannabis

In October, as Utah citizens prepared to vote on Proposition 2, a statewide medical cannabis ballot initiative, Democratic state senator Jim Dabakis decided to head out on a fact-finding trip—in more ways than one. Claiming he’d never tried cannabis before in his life, Dabakis drove to Nevada, bought a cannabis-infused gummy, and then posted a live video feed of himself on social media as he ate the edible.

“I think the reefer madness crowd—you guys, you need to try it.”Sen. Jim Dabakis (D-UT)

“I think the reefer madness crowd—you guys, you need to try it,” Dabakis told the world. “It’s not that big a deal.”

On election night, Proposition 2 passed with sizable majority, but instead of enacting the law as written, lawmakers in Utah signed off on a “compromise bill” that’s more restrictive than Proposition 2 but has wider political support.

Bummer: “Just Say No to Nazi Weed”

Bethany Sherman, formerly the owner of OG Analytics, a cannabis testing lab in Oregon, filed a defamation lawsuit in October against online anti-fascist activists after they exposed her alleged ties to local white nationalists.

She claims that when Antifa activists publicized her posts to social media and message boards, they took them “out of context.” Then she hired an attorney to defend her who is a self-described white nationalist.

Allegations against Sherman included that she baked swastika-shaped cookies for a celebration of Adolf Hitler’s birthday (which is also, coincidentally, 4/20). The lawsuit is still pending, but in the meantime, just say no to Nazi weed and check out the real story of 4/20 for a highly inspiring tale that represents the best of cannabis culture.

Buzz: Cannabis Equity Programs Expand Opportunities

In late November, Blunt + Moore, the first dispensary to get permitted as part of Oakland, California’s far reaching cannabis equity program, held their grand opening in a small, sleek retail space just across the highway from Oracle Arena, home of the Golden State Warriors.

The shop’s proprietor, Alphonso T Blunt, Jr., is a 31-year-old, fourth generation Oakland resident who started selling cannabis when he was just 16. He qualified for the equity program based on a previous felony conviction, and having lived in a neighborhood disproportionately targeted for cannabis arrests.

Blunt told Leafly’s David Downs he could never have made it into the legal industry without the program’s assistance in getting licensed and attracting investors.

“Had you asked me even a year ago, I thought it wouldn’t happen. I can’t even put into words how it feels.”

But reviews of the equity program have been mixed, with critics arguing it so far has a disappointing track record for actually bringing equity-approved businesses online.

The effort has meanwhile inspired other municipalities and states to follow suit. In September, California passed a statewide Cannabis Equity Act, and undoing the damage of the War on Drugs has now become a standard part of the legalization conversation around the world.

TO READ MORE OF THIS ARTICLE ON LEAFLY, CLICK HERE.

https://www.leafly.com/news/politics/buzzes-bummers-2018-was-a-wild-ride-in-the-world-of-cannabis

[samuelfields]

The Best Time To Start A Business Is During A Downturn

Lessons Learned Since The Financial Crisis really brought me back to the time when Financial Samurai was started in the summer of 2009. I want to use this post to figure out why Financial Samurai has survived all these years. My theory is that launching during a downturn has a lot to do with it.

Since I was 12 years old, I wanted to be an entrepreneur because I witnessed the fabulous lifestyles of those who called the shots instead of those who took orders. I just didn’t know what to invent. Back in 1989, you actually had to create a physical product to make money.

My entrepreneurial dreams died down after getting a job in finance in 1999. Only after graduating from business school in 2006 did my desire to start a company reignite. I was emboldened to put all I had learned from my professors to good use. Otherwise, what was the point of going to business school in the first place?

But nothing happened in 2006, 2007, or 2008 because I was tired. After three years of working 60 hours a week while also spending 20 hours a week on business school related activities, all I wanted to do was take a break. It really felt like a vacation to only have to work 12 hour days after graduation!

Only until the world started falling apart in 2009 did I finally decide to launch Financial Samurai. It turns out, there were other companies that were founded during the depths of the recession too: Uber (2009), Airbnb (2008), Quora (2008), Kickstarter (2009), Whatsapp (2010) and many more.

Let me share some reasons why launching a business during bad times is easier.

Why A Downturn Is The Best Time To Start A Business

1) You’re no longer comfortable doing the same old thing. Whether it’s due to fear, disillusionment, or anger, a downturn really motivates you to do something different with your life. When Lehman Brothers failed in 2008, I was finally scared for my future. By the summer of 2009, I felt my career was over because the S&P 500 collapsed even further.

A year before the financial crisis hit, I was promoted to Vice President. I felt like I was on top of the world as a 28-year-old who just bought his second property in San Francisco. Why would I even bother to start something on the side when there was so much upside in my career? It was only when I realized I was standing in quicksand that I had to do something different.

My mind went into overdrive thinking of contingency plans in case I was let go. I had already been aggressively investing most of my savings in real estate to generate passive income, but now these investments were failing. Given I lost hope in the stock market and real estate market, the next logical choice was to go into something completely new.

The easiest thing was to start a personal finance site, something I had been considering since 2006. Back then, I hired a guy from Craigslist for $1,000 to get started. Then I paid him another $500 for design work and more. I clearly remember sitting down with him for a couple hours in my living room to come up with the layout, decision, and original Financial Samurai mask logo. It was exhilarating! Today, you can do everything yourself in under an hour for less than $50 bucks.

2) You’re forced to think more creatively to survive. During the downturn, I had to think of ways to save on my biggest two expenses: food and shelter. As a result, I decided to be more proactive in asking work clients out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Not only would I save money on food thanks to the corporate card, I would also use the outings to build stronger relationships in order to win more business down the road. What went from taking out a client once a week on average turned into a 3-4X a week. Instead of paying $80 a ticket to go watch the Warriors or Giants, I invited clients out instead.

As for saving money on shelter, not only did I refinance my mortgage a couple times between 2008 – 2010, I also found a tenant for our ground floor garden room. These two moves freed up about $2,000 a month in cash flow, which was a significant ~30% savings.

Regarding Financial Samurai, it became obvious there was a personal finance hole to fill regarding writing content about making more money through investing. All of the largest sites at the time were focused on saving money. Therefore, the opportunity was ripe for someone who worked in finance, got his MBA several years earlier, and loved to write about investing to meet this demand.

Related: A Housing Expense Guideline For Financial Independence

3) Making adjustments is much easier. The bigger you are, the larger you fall. I remember getting my bonus slashed by 50% in 2009 and my boss told me something funny at the time.

He said, “You should be lucky you make so little. I make so much more money than you and getting my bonus cut by even 30% hurts so much more!”

Uh, thanks boss! I wasn’t happy to hear this at the time, but I understood what he was saying. During the last financial crisis, we came as close as ever to catching up to Warren Buffet’s wealth. Now even Warren is poor compared to Jeff Bezos.

Because the largest companies have the most to lose, they often become distracted by organizational issue so during tough times. While big companies are having constant HR meetings about which department to cut the most, small companies with little-to-no overhead can nimbly jet ski away from the impending tsunami.

Although I didn’t see Financial Samurai as a business when I started, by the time I left my job in 2012, I figured I could do well positioning this site as a financial independence site that focused on living one’s best life through wealth creation rather than through frugality. After all, I was 34 when I left work and was hell-bent on growing my net worth after.

I wanted to take the harder, but more rewarding route of achieving financial independence. Negotiating a severance versus quitting is one such example of taking the harder route that made Financial Samurai unique. Confrontation is hard, which is why most people just quit. But by approaching things differently, Financial Samurai was able to grow.

The rise of financial technology companies (fintech) is precisely due to the financial crisis. Large financial institutions became handicapped through overregulation, stubbornly high fees, and legacy businesses that dragged down profitability.

4) Labor is plentiful and cheap. The biggest problem CEOs face in the San Francisco Bay Area today is a dearth of talent and expensive labor. Due to the high cost of living on the coasts, I’m confident there will be a multi-decade migration trend towards the heartland of America. It is absurd that earning $200,000 a year is nowhere close to enough if you want to buy a median priced SF home by yourself.

When the unemployment rate hit 10% in 2009, you could hire people for half off. You could probably get a hoard of people to work for you for free since people were desperate to keep their resumes fresh. When people are hungry and desperate, great things tend to happen.

5) People who are different or think differently have greater opportunity. When things start breaking, people begin to question the status quo. It’s easier to become more receptive to new people with new ideas.

Back in 2009, there weren’t a lot of minorities with finance backgrounds living in a coastal city like San Francisco or New York writing about personal finance. As a result, it was easier to stand out. All I had to do was not write an article about how to save $10 a month on food and I was good to go! OK, it wasn’t that easy, but you get what I mean.

Today, the financial independence community has gotten slightly more diverse. It’s a little harder to come up with new takes on timeless subjects. That said, the community is still very homogenous. The same people get interviewed by big media because big media is still very homogenous. The same people win the same awards and scratch each other’s backs because they look and think alike.

I’d love to see a non-Asian, non-white, non-male version of Financial Samurai flourish over the next 10 years. If nobody decides to fill these holes, I’ll figure out a way to do it. But alas, it’s hard to break away from group think when times are so good!

Let’s go baby!

Take Advantage Of Complacency

The biggest thing you must guard against during good times is complacency.

Complacency is why our bellies get bigger the older we get. Nobody has time to work out when it’s steak dinners and caviar every night.

Complacency is why some people get financially destroyed during a recession. They weren’t staying on top of their finances because they thought the good times would last forever.

Complacency is why bad apples are able to join great companies. Hiring managers didn’t bother to screen their candidates like the CIA because they’re either desperate for labor or they think their product is so good that people don’t matter as much.

Complacency is why some folks wake up 10 years from now depressed that their lives are still the same. They just assumed someone would save them.

Be very careful about letting a bull market lull you into a state of inactivity. Let the big companies with their multi-billion dollar balance sheets stop innovating. Let empire builders try and digest their rivals at record high valuations.

The second best time to start a business is when times are good. Capital is plentiful and the propensity for consumers to spend is at its highest. Just look at on-demand scooter businesses that have become billion dollar companies overnight. Set aside at least an hour every week to brainstorm. Work on your business or side hustle before or after work.

You don’t have to have everything ready to go. Just come with an imperfect product and keep iterating. If the downturn ever hits, you’ll be so far ahead of the competition.

As for me, I’ve been working on a couple new initiatives. When you’ve got another mouth to feed, it’s very hard to slack off!

Related:

Why You Need To Start Your Own Website Today

Net Worth Composition By Levels Of Wealth: Start A Business Already

How To Create Next Level Wealth: When $1 Million Doesn’t Cut It

Readers, any business ideas percolating in your head? With the invention of Etsy, Amazon dropshipping, and the ease of starting your own website nowadays, why aren’t more people taking advantage of the internet? Have people become too complacent with their jobs?

https://www.financialsamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/The-best-time-to-start-a-business-is-during-a-downturn.m4a

The post The Best Time To Start A Business Is During A Downturn appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from Finance https://www.financialsamurai.com/best-time-to-start-a-business-is-during-a-downturn/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[mcjoelcain]

The Best Time To Start A Business Is During A Downturn

Lessons Learned Since The Financial Crisis really brought me back to the time when Financial Samurai was started in the summer of 2009. I want to use this post to figure out why Financial Samurai has survived all these years. My theory is that launching during a downturn has a lot to do with it.

Since I was 12 years old, I wanted to be an entrepreneur because I witnessed the fabulous lifestyles of those who called the shots instead of those who took orders. I just didn’t know what to invent. Back in 1989, you actually had to create a physical product to make money.

My entrepreneurial dreams died down after getting a job in finance in 1999. Only after graduating from business school in 2006 did my desire to start a company reignite. I was emboldened to put all I had learned from my professors to good use. Otherwise, what was the point of going to business school in the first place?

But nothing happened in 2006, 2007, or 2008 because I was tired. After three years of working 60 hours a week while also spending 20 hours a week on business school related activities, all I wanted to do was take a break. It really felt like a vacation to only have to work 12 hour days after graduation!

Only until the world started falling apart in 2009 did I finally decide to launch Financial Samurai. It turns out, there were other companies that were founded during the depths of the recession too: Uber (2009), Airbnb (2008), Quora (2008), Kickstarter (2009), Whatsapp (2010) and many more.

Let me share some reasons why launching a business during bad times is easier.

Why A Downturn Is The Best Time To Start A Business

1) You’re no longer comfortable doing the same old thing. Whether it’s due to fear, disillusionment, or anger, a downturn really motivates you to do something different with your life. When Lehman Brothers failed in 2008, I was finally scared for my future. By the summer of 2009, I felt my career was over because the S&P 500 collapsed even further.

A year before the financial crisis hit, I was promoted to Vice President. I felt like I was on top of the world as a 28-year-old who just bought his second property in San Francisco. Why would I even bother to start something on the side when there was so much upside in my career? It was only when I realized I was standing in quicksand that I had to do something different.

My mind went into overdrive thinking of contingency plans in case I was let go. I had already been aggressively investing most of my savings in real estate to generate passive income, but now these investments were failing. Given I lost hope in the stock market and real estate market, the next logical choice was to go into something completely new.

The easiest thing was to start a personal finance site, something I had been considering since 2006. Back then, I hired a guy from Craigslist for $1,000 to get started. Then I paid him another $500 for design work and more. I clearly remember sitting down with him for a couple hours in my living room to come up with the layout, decision, and original Financial Samurai mask logo. It was exhilarating! Today, you can do everything yourself in under an hour for less than $50 bucks.

2) You’re forced to think more creatively to survive. During the downturn, I had to think of ways to save on my biggest two expenses: food and shelter. As a result, I decided to be more proactive in asking work clients out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Not only would I save money on food thanks to the corporate card, I would also use the outings to build stronger relationships in order to win more business down the road. What went from taking out a client once a week on average turned into a 3-4X a week. Instead of paying $80 a ticket to go watch the Warriors or Giants, I invited clients out instead.

As for saving money on shelter, not only did I refinance my mortgage a couple times between 2008 – 2010, I also found a tenant for our ground floor garden room. These two moves freed up about $2,000 a month in cash flow, which was a significant ~30% savings.

Regarding Financial Samurai, it became obvious there was a personal finance hole to fill regarding writing content about making more money through investing. All of the largest sites at the time were focused on saving money. Therefore, the opportunity was ripe for someone who worked in finance, got his MBA several years earlier, and loved to write about investing to meet this demand.

Related: A Housing Expense Guideline For Financial Independence

3) Making adjustments is much easier. The bigger you are, the larger you fall. I remember getting my bonus slashed by 50% in 2009 and my boss told me something funny at the time.

He said, “You should be lucky you make so little. I make so much more money than you and getting my bonus cut by even 30% hurts so much more!”

Uh, thanks boss! I wasn’t happy to hear this at the time, but I understood what he was saying. During the last financial crisis, we came as close as ever to catching up to Warren Buffet’s wealth. Now even Warren is poor compared to Jeff Bezos.

Because the largest companies have the most to lose, they often become distracted by organizational issue so during tough times. While big companies are having constant HR meetings about which department to cut the most, small companies with little-to-no overhead can nimbly jet ski away from the impending tsunami.

Although I didn’t see Financial Samurai as a business when I started, by the time I left my job in 2012, I figured I could do well positioning this site as a financial independence site that focused on living one’s best life through wealth creation rather than through frugality. After all, I was 34 when I left work and was hell-bent on growing my net worth after.

I wanted to take the harder, but more rewarding route of achieving financial independence. Negotiating a severance versus quitting is one such example of taking the harder route that made Financial Samurai unique. Confrontation is hard, which is why most people just quit. But by approaching things differently, Financial Samurai was able to grow.

The rise of financial technology companies (fintech) is precisely due to the financial crisis. Large financial institutions became handicapped through overregulation, stubbornly high fees, and legacy businesses that dragged down profitability.

4) Labor is plentiful and cheap. The biggest problem CEOs face in the San Francisco Bay Area today is a dearth of talent and expensive labor. Due to the high cost of living on the coasts, I’m confident there will be a multi-decade migration trend towards the heartland of America. It is absurd that earning $200,000 a year is nowhere close to enough if you want to buy a median priced SF home by yourself.

When the unemployment rate hit 10% in 2009, you could hire people for half off. You could probably get a hoard of people to work for you for free since people were desperate to keep their resumes fresh. When people are hungry and desperate, great things tend to happen.

5) People who are different or think differently have greater opportunity. When things start breaking, people begin to question the status quo. It’s easier to become more receptive to new people with new ideas.

Back in 2009, there weren’t a lot of minorities with finance backgrounds living in a coastal city like San Francisco or New York writing about personal finance. As a result, it was easier to stand out. All I had to do was not write an article about how to save $10 a month on food and I was good to go! OK, it wasn’t that easy, but you get what I mean.

Today, the financial independence community has gotten slightly more diverse. It’s a little harder to come up with new takes on timeless subjects. That said, the community is still very homogenous. The same people get interviewed by big media because big media is still very homogenous. The same people win the same awards and scratch each other’s backs because they look and think alike.

I’d love to see a non-Asian, non-white, non-male version of Financial Samurai flourish over the next 10 years. If nobody decides to fill these holes, I’ll figure out a way to do it. But alas, it’s hard to break away from group think when times are so good!

Let’s go baby!

Take Advantage Of Complacency

The biggest thing you must guard against during good times is complacency.

Complacency is why our bellies get bigger the older we get. Nobody has time to work out when it’s steak dinners and caviar every night.

Complacency is why some people get financially destroyed during a recession. They weren’t staying on top of their finances because they thought the good times would last forever.

Complacency is why bad apples are able to join great companies. Hiring managers didn’t bother to screen their candidates like the CIA because they’re either desperate for labor or they think their product is so good that people don’t matter as much.

Complacency is why some folks wake up 10 years from now depressed that their lives are still the same. They just assumed someone would save them.

Be very careful about letting a bull market lull you into a state of inactivity. Let the big companies with their multi-billion dollar balance sheets stop innovating. Let empire builders try and digest their rivals at record high valuations.

The second best time to start a business is when times are good. Capital is plentiful and the propensity for consumers to spend is at its highest. Just look at on-demand scooter businesses that have become billion dollar companies overnight. Set aside at least an hour every week to brainstorm. Work on your business or side hustle before or after work.

You don’t have to have everything ready to go. Just come with an imperfect product and keep iterating. If the downturn ever hits, you’ll be so far ahead of the competition.

As for me, I’ve been working on a couple new initiatives. When you’ve got another mouth to feed, it’s very hard to slack off!

Related:

Why You Need To Start Your Own Website Today

Net Worth Composition By Levels Of Wealth: Start A Business Already

How To Create Next Level Wealth: When $1 Million Doesn’t Cut It

Readers, any business ideas percolating in your head? With the invention of Etsy, Amazon dropshipping, and the ease of starting your own website nowadays, why aren’t more people taking advantage of the internet? Have people become too complacent with their jobs?

https://www.financialsamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/The-best-time-to-start-a-business-is-during-a-downturn.m4a

The post The Best Time To Start A Business Is During A Downturn appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from Money https://www.financialsamurai.com/best-time-to-start-a-business-is-during-a-downturn/ via http://www.rssmix.com/