#so ye i will stand up go eat something and then i will fricking

[jestroer]

Okey bros im going to stand up from mt bed now... And then i will draw something. Fricking.. wild times, people

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Making breakfast for them before they leave w/harvey specter pleaaaaaaaaaase

Send me a comfort prompt

Warnings: Mentioned sexytimes, but not shown; fluff

"What do you wanna eat?"

"Eat?" Harvey scoffs, picking his shirt up off of where it's hanging on your bed frame. "I thought you didn't do one night stands."

"And I thought you didn't do sleeping over, but you're here, so. Your point?"

"My point is this is all seeming a little too cozy."

"I'm not sending you out of here running on empty. And after last night, I know that you're running on empty." You smirk smugly, resting your hand on your hip as a slow smile curls Harvey's lips. "It can be toast, or coffee, something. But it has to be something. So?"

"...Toast."

"Butter?"

"Yes."

"Jelly? Jam?"

"Honey."

"Yes, dear?"

"For the toast," He chuckles. Your brows raise and fall as you take up your robe and draw it on, tying it as you head into the kitchen. Honey on toast, that's a new one.

You're trying not to overthink the last twelve hours—going home with a stranger that you met at a mixer, having what was quite possibly, the best sex of your life, and waking up to find him still there. He'd looked so deliciously disheveled and sleepy, and had smiled gently at you as you'd opened your eyes.

You shake your head a touch to try and rid yourself of the thought as you get the bread and butter from the fridge. The honey's already on the counter, so that's that squared away. You pop a couple of slices into the toaster and grab a plate for it before you turn to the coffee maker.

You don't have to overthink anything. You know that, logically. That doesn't stop your mind from racing. Are you ever going to see him again? Did he have a good time? He must've, right? He wasn't drunk when he came home with you, and he spent the night. He had at least a bit of a good time, right?

C'mon, don't be so hard on yourself. You know what, he had a fucking great time. More importantly, you both did.

"Coffee smells good."

You jolt a little as he comes into the kitchen. You glance back, nodding and waving toward the toaster.

"Toast is toasting."

"Thank you."

"Sure."

You pour the freshly brewed coffee into a mug, sliding it over.

"Milk's in the fridge if you want it."

"No thanks."

"Sugar?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

You snort a laugh, shaking your head as your face goes hot.

"You know what I fricking mean."

"No thank you." He settles against the counter beside you, taking the mug up and drawing in a sip.

"You always insist on feeding your one night stands?" He asks once he's swallowed.

"No."

"So I'm special?"

"I wouldn't say that. I just don't usually...Have one night stands."

"Well that makes me even more special."

"If you say so."

Harvey reaches out, gripping the tie of your robe and using it to tug you closer. You let him, watching him as his eyes skim your face.

"Remind me where you work?" He asks.

"McHenry, Sigmund, and Lowell."

"Good firm."

"Yes, it is."

"Not the best, though."

"Is that so?"

"Nope. If you were working for the best, you'd be working with me."

You reach out, prodding the toaster as the bread pops up.

"Honey," You nod toward the jar on the counter, beside the butter. Harvey lets go of your robe, turning to the toaster and plucking the slices out of the toaster. You take another mug down, taking your damn time about pouring your own cup of coffee. You take a few sips, giving him a guarded glance as you hear him take a bite of his toast. Harvey hums softly at the taste.

"Alright—" He speaks up through his bite, "I was knocking you about making me toast, but this was a better idea than I thought."

You smile smugly, giving a little shrug as you take a sip of your coffee.

"I'm very smart, Mr. Specter."

"Clearly."

You look over, smiling curiously as he dusts his fingers off and reaches into his jacket pocket. You raise a brow as he draws a card out of his pocket, holding it out.

"What's this for?"

"We ought to have a conversation."

"Because we slept together?" You ask, taking the card.

"No, god no," Harvey chuckles. "I mean, it was great, but that's not why we should hire you."

"Nice save."

"I mean it. You made some damn good points last night—though you made an even better one when you brought me home with you. " He pops the last of the toast into his mouth before he turns away from the counter, chewing still as he says, "Alright. Now I have to go."

You nod, pushing off of the counter and drifting after him as he heads for your front door.

"You've overlooked one critical thing, Mr. Specter."

"What's that?"

"I'm not in the market for a new job."

"That's a mistake." He turns to face you, smiling. "But that number's also good for...Other things."

"Such as?"

"Drinks, dinner...Anything else that may follow."

"And if I choose not to use it?"

"Well," He glances away, shrugging a shoulder. "That's up to you. But it's another mistake." He takes a step closer, cupping your cheek and drawing you in for a kiss. You expect it to be a quick peck, but you sway into him as his lips slip tenderly across yours, his tongue gently prodding between your lips. Before you can really give into it, he leans away, giving you a bright smile as he gently pats your cheek.

"Have a good day—and thanks for the toast."

"Yeah...Yeah, you, too," You smile.

--

You can't stop thinking about him. It's not overthinking, not this time, but he's just...On your mind, all week. His card is burning a hole in your pocket. You've been carrying it around with you,m switching it between bags and purses and jackets, and just...considering.

Now, you've decided to do a little more than consider. It's Friday night, you've got no plans, and you're sure he does, but...You make a call. He picks up on the first ring, and chuckles when he hears your voice.

"I was hoping to hear from you."

"Oh?" You grin, flattered as you sink back in your desk chair. "Why's that?"

"I owe you some toast."

[sessa23]

Revelations: Part 2 (Thirteenth!Doctor x Dhawan!master x reader)

(Summary: The Doctor comes back after her search for answers hits a dead end. She decides to take you all to a spa retreat for a break, she notices that you are not yourself. Meanwhile the master finds a new lead in his search for answers.)

(Warnings: Mentions of Hypnosis)

(Author's notes: Hey guys, part two of this story. I hope you enjoy. There are plenty of surprises which will happen along the way as the story continues)

There was a knock at your door, you put down your drink and got up from your chair and looked though the peephole in your door. Yaz, Ryan and Graham were standing there. "Hey guys come in." You replied as you opened the door as the three of them walked in.

"So how are you all?" You asked as they all sat down "we are good, we just came to see you." Graham replied as he sat on a chair. "Can I get you guys a drink, something to eat?" You offered but they all shook their heads. "Have you guys heard from the Doctor?" You asked.

Ryan shook his head "not since she went to look for the Master." When Ryan said about the master, you looked up. you wanted to tell them about what happened with the master but the words couldn't even form in your mouth. "Damn it" You muttered. "Are you okay Y/N" Yaz asked, you turned to her and nodded "yes I'm fine." Suddenly you all heard the wheezing and groaning of the doctor's TARDIS, her TARDIS appeared in your living room.

"Hiya fam" The Doctor declared as she came out of the TARDIS. Yaz had a smile form on her face "Doctor." "Did you find what you were looking for?" Ryan asked, the Doctor's face fell as she shook her head "No, I didn't find the Master."

You wanted to tell the Doctor that you had encountered the master but again, the words failed to form in your mouth. "Damn Hypnosis." You thought to yourself, the Doctor clapped her hands together "okay fam, let's go for a trip. I know a planet which has an amazing spa retreat which we can go to. You nodded "hell yeah im in." Goodness knows that you needed a break and to get the master off your mind.

Ryan looked at Yaz "we all need a relaxing trip." Yaz nodded in agreement, the doctor opened the door and you all walked in however yaz waited until you had all gone in before she turned to the Doctor "Doctor, Y/N is acting strange." Yaz whispered The Doctor nodded "yes, I noticed that too. We should talk with them." The two of them walked into the TARDIS, The Doctor closed the doors of the TARDIS as went over to the console.

After the TARDIS took off, The Doctor came over too you "Y/N is everything okay?" She asked "Oh yes just fricking grand. I've had an alien psychopath threaten to murder the students in my class and then i've been hypnotised said alien psychopath who tried to kill me the week before to not reveal that I saw them." You thought to yourself but you took a breath "I'm fine...im just tired, been grading lots of assignments. Also we've all been worried about you. Yaz especially." You spoke.

Yaz looked on as she heard you talking to the doctor, she was not convinced that you were "just tired", she had a feeling that you were hiding something. While the TARDIS was travelling though the time vortex you decided to lay down on the sofa in the console room. You felt safe being around the doctor and your friends, you soon felt your eyes grow heavy and before you knew it your eyes closed.

Meanwhile, the master's search for answers lead him an unknown planet, after consulting some of the knowledge he stole from Galifrey. He entered the coordinates and pulled down the lever, his TARDIS disappeared into the time vortex. It wasn't long before he arrived on the planet. He adjusted this jacket and grabbed his TCE before he walked out of the TARDIS.

He spotted a building in the distance, "now what were the high council hiding here..." he trailed before he walked towards the building, as he approached, he noticed that it resembled a temple. The moment he arrived at the temple entrance he noticed that two guards were standing there "Welcome, timelord. We've been expecting you. Welcome to Xanadu." One of them spoke

[leemotionalwreck]

Thoughts on Illusion

Finally getting around to watching illusion!! here we go y’all (this time longer and in more agonizing detail!):

- the way I strongly dislike Bob Roth...

- okay i have pretty mixed feelings on chloe’s character but like… does paris not remember what she did?? hello continuity?! /hj

- omg alec hiiiiii

- LMAO the “my son” slip up is wonderful

- lol plagg leave him alone the boy is quite literally traumatized and the ring isn’t helping

- i swear to god i’ll never get used to seeing this bitch in the kitchen.

- “are you sure you’re feeling okay?” no like actually tho he isn’t. run.

- a single stain warranting almost smashing the pan on the ground is kinda crazy but ok ig

- wait how did nothing fall outta the pan??

- of course he doesn’t know how long to boil an egg off the top of his head. of fricking course

- STOP WINKING AT HIM GABRIEL!! you haven’t earned the right

- oooo i like the split screen

- oh wait it took me a second to notice the thought bubbles lol

- NINO!! i missed my boy

- post graduation?? what year are they exactly? or am i missing something??

- all in favor of joining nino’s resistance say “I”

- LMAO comrade mayo?? that’s actually not too far from something i’ve said to my white friends irl lol

- rvejndjdb adrinette is so adorable bro

- nino please babe it’s just lunch

- y’know, sometimes i forget just how chaotic their group can be. then i see scenes like this and remember. it’s pretty realistic tho imo

- also nino definitely has a bruise lol

- frickin lila man.

- “Are yOu EatInG In thE cafEtERia?” tf does it look like??

- the way marinette is such a real one

- what on earth is actually wrong with lila lol i’ve never hated an animated character as much as her. aside from maybe gabriel

- wait no the yogurt/honey example was actually really good lol

- lol comrade ketchup

- also comrade beurre maître d’hôtel is so extra and for what?? love nino tho

- NO STOP SHE’S SO SICK

- also are they just letting ppl in the school?? slay ig

- adrien 😭😭

- oooooooo lila’s lil snitch ass… i mean it makes sense but jeez

- pls i forgot she was pregnant lmao

- ew he looks weird when he’s trying to be a decent person /hj

- okay i love them but they coulda been a little more discreet than pizza lol

- they’re just standing outside the window like?? 😭😭

- idk why but the piece of pepperoni stuck to gabriel’s shirt is killing me

- ADRIEN YOU COULDN’T EVEN PRETEND TO TRIP?? please be so fr

- okay no cause this time around gabriel actually reacts and adrien really seems sorry and uhhrhdhdhdh i. hate. this. man.

- pls the way alya just walks in and is like “yea no you guys already know the deal let’s just get this over with” what a queen

- nino PLEASE

- okay i’m kinda cringing rn but it’s totally fine

- again, the way adrien seems genuinely scared…

- goddamnit

- “call me father” actually go trip down the stairs

- NO STOP IT THIS MAN IS ACTUALLY A PIECE OF SHIT I CANNOT

- ok five at once is honestly extra. like i hope this asshole remember he’s a whole grown man doing all this to fight some kids. yes i know it’s more than that technically but still. weirdo.

- lol his ears look so stupid when they’re sticking off the sides of the mask

- the way marinette/ladybug is actually that girl

- see no he’s such a fake bitch cause falling wasn’t even necessary

- nino is such a detective i literally love him. i mean yea he’s wrong but still

- he looks like such a dumbass with that stain on his shirt. i hate him.

- “comrade tartar sauce” nino yes absolutely but he really doesn’t deserve it bae

- i really like the design on alya’s fanny pack but i’ve literally never noticed it before

- they’re all so cute lol

- “comrade sweet and sour” i wonder why she has that name…

Final thoughts: okay it took me a sec to realize this was out of order (i know people have been saying it. im just stupid lol) but i really enjoyed it overall. gabriel keeps getting worse yet sadly never surprises me with the depths he stoops to. adrien needs so much help rn and i really hate lila but im almost glad she’s back?? like i missed this rivalry between her and marinette in a way.

[octotriosimp]

The eels domestic fluff please! with one together and then one for each apart please ^^

Course I can do that :>

together

Okay so first off mornings are amazing with these two like first off you wake up with two people cuddling you though most of the time Jade is already out of bed making breakfast yes it has mushrooms in it you're just going to have to deal with it and then it takes both of you to get Floyd out of bed he just wants to continue cuddling for you for the rest of his life and then you guys go and eat breakfast once that's over with you guys go to work you probably work at the same place Azul is probably your boss

Next is during work where you guys just if you have brakes that line up with each other will just spend breaks together if not you'll message each other or just look at each other if you pass by each other it's sweet it's really sweet

If you guys do manage to have lunch together it is absolute chaos Floyd just does not want to go back to work after it's over and just continues hugging you Jade doesn't do anything about this and sometimes even joins in which is not helpful thanks for nothing Jade you either eat home cooked or go out somewhere to eat during your break if one of the eels can't make it to the lunch break will be incredibly jealous of the other one so please give them some more attention later on

Once work is over you guys go home together obviously unless the eagles are working later than you which they probably are but yeah so you guys go home together and just Jade is dead to the world technically speaking he is just reading a book while laying on your lap you are laying on Floyd's lap it's just like a cycle with Floyd at the end so it's probably not a good one I'm just joking I love this man I love them both probably a bit too much

Alternatively if you don't get home at the same time and they're out doing shady stuff for Azul you actually get time alone to yourself this is the only time you get alone to yourself ever these guys are you think Azul has this suction cups you swear these guys have them they are constantly clinging to you A lot of people probably think that only Floyd is doing it but Jade does it too he's just more on the down low about it the second they get home you are not leaving wherever you're sitting or laying down or just standing even you will be on the floor for like 2 hours

When it's time for dinner you guys probably don't actually eat at home that much because they're probably tired as frick please let them rest you guys probably go out to eat dinner and then come back

Going to bed is probably one of the best times of the day for you guys because they're tired you're tired Floyd is somehow not tired we just don't ask questions at this point when you get ready for bed they're probably already done and just clean to you the whole time like Jade has his head on your shoulder looking out you in the mirror Floyd is just straight up burying his head in your back while hugging you around the waist because he wants to go to bed and cuddle you so you need to hurry up,okay?

Sleeping is actually relatively peaceful with these two I just really hope you're not claustrophobic because if you are I am so sorry you will not be after this they are just your sandwich it is a shrimp sandwich with the eels as bread very comfy though 10 out of 10 would recommend

It's Jade time

Waking up with him is more like you waking up and he's somewhere he's either in the kitchen making breakfast for you too because he's sweet like that or he's out doing something already and you don't want to know what it is

Alternatively this man maybe not as clingy as Floyd but he is still very clingy he will just cuddle you for like a half hour after his alarm goes off get up swear and then probably lay back down and call in sick if he just isn't feeling it he'll go to work like an hour and a half later though

Once you get to work he will kiss your forehead as you separate a lot of the times you too probably have breaks together because Azul understands that you have a relationship and is good with that and good with giving you guys breaks at the same time so you guys eat lunch together maybe take a very small nap together if he's doing stuff that he just gets really tired with he will just hold you he doesn't want to let go he will but he doesn't want to

Once you guys are off work he'll probably take you out to dinner first that way he doesn't have to have a break in the middle of his time with you he just wants prolonged time with you always takes you out somewhere really nice probably gives you a gift that he got for you during the work day you don't know when he slipped out to get it but he did

When you guys actually get home he probably picks out his favorite book off the shelf and just lays down with his head in your lap and reads it either to himself or out loud if you want to listen please play with his hair he'll be very happy

After all that's done and over he'll probably start preparing for breakfast tomorrow if you want to sit and talk to him or help him with it he will definitely just talk back to you he is just ecstatic that you guys are together he still can't believe it before he goes to bed he make sure his mushrooms are okay because you know what actually I am so sorry it's your guys's mushrooms you are mushroom parents my bad

Going to bed is pleasant this man is not one to spoon because he wants to see your face close to his so you two will be cuddling facing each other he'll give you a kiss on the lips and just wait for you to drift off to sleep if you stay awake for a long time he'll just gently talk to you telling you how much he loves you and he'll still talk to you even after you've fallen asleep until he falls asleep he just loves you so much and he doesn't know how to explain it there's just not enough words in the world and not enough time for him to ever explain how much he loves you

Did I hear Floyd freak yeah I agree I love him too

Waking up is chaos you cannot tell me otherwise this man will just straight up turn off his alarm he won't even just turn it off he will throw it across the room you have to buy one every single day better yet just start putting it on your side and make sure you turn it off quick otherwise it's going to the wall too takes like a solid 30 minutes to convince this man to actually get up and only does it if you bribe him with like a kiss or something

You guys definitely get breakfast on the way he's good at cooking but the amount of time you guys just spend sleeping in and cuddling in the morning does not allow for him to cook but don't worry he made lunch for you guys last night so you will have homemade lunch

He just straight up carries you into work and sets you down it's too display dominance and the fact that you two are together if anyone flirts with you they will die did I say die they will mysteriously who am I kidding no they're just going to die he will admit that they died he will just straight up admit that he murdered someone but he murdered someone for you <3

Brakes happen but I'm pretty sure Azul is scared of giving you guys too many breaks together because he just won't go back to work afterwards but you guys do share lunch together and yes he feeds you yes you feed him it's just super cute 10 out of 10

When you go home you just kind of cuddle for a while he's just angry that he wasn't able to spend more time with you earlier in the day so he wants to spend time with you now he doesn't want to do anything else he'll talk to you he'll have discussions with you he'll tease you but he just wants to hold you I feel like he would definitely be one for domestic things no matter how stupid it sounds since he is chaos I just feel like he'd really love it

For dinner you guys either go out or he cooks food for you so I'm going to go with the going out one first he takes you to the same restaurant you guys always go to I feel like it'd be a semi-fancy one but not too fancies where where you feel underdressed sometimes you guys like to tease each other he'll order shrimp fried rice and you'll order unagi and just sit there eating it while looking at each other I feel like that would have started back when you guys were dating and now it's just a tradition and yes he always buys you dessert he feeds it to you he just wants to make sure you're getting fed

After you get back home you definitely probably just get ready to go to bed because you are both tired him tired of having to see other people around you and you just straight up tired make sure you don't yawn though this boy is feral he may be domesticated now he but he's still feral

Definitely like when it's done together hold your waist but this time his head is on your shoulder while you get ready for bed he just wants to cuddle you now

Wants you two are finally in bed it is what cuddle position will we do tonight you either always end up like you and Jade do which is facing each other or spooning he's happy as long as you're in his arms either way he can whisper to you about how much he loves he wants you fall asleep because that's cringe he's not going to say when he's awake even though he totally does it's just something about the night time that makes him more embarrassed about it.

Thank you anon I really enjoyed doing this I love the eel so much and I'm glad to see somebody else agrees with me with the domestic eel propaganda <3

[whyse7vn]

BTS BOYFRIEND TEXTS -

[ ot7 x reader ]

lmao what is this it’s 3 am and i’m tired enjoy ^ ^

SEOKJIN -

jin: you ate without me…

y/n: did do that

jin: you said you’d wait

y/n: lied

jin: you’re not even gonna try and lie and say you tried you wait or something?

y/n: no

jin: we’re over

y/n: damn that sucks

jin: you don’t even care 😓

y/n: i do

seokjin please please please take me back i love you so much please please !!

jin: i guess i’ll give you another chance 🙄

y/n: thanks so much jinjin love you 😍😍🥰🥰🥰‼️‼️‼️‼️💕💕💓💓💓

jin: ew stop

y/n: stop what bae 😓💓

jin: that

y/n: you’re so hard to please

jin: i deserve better than you

y/n: choke

jin: i’m plotting your murder

y/n: it’s giving jin !alpha !hybrid !mafia boss !hard dom (disturbing content) minors dni

jin: i wolf you

y/n: would turn you into a rug

NAMJOON -

namjoon: got a loaf of bread

y/n: smooth like butter

namjoon: also got broke that green bowl so i bought a new one

y/n: haters gonna hate and players gonna play

namjoon: the bowl is blue tho

hope that’s ok

y/n: pretty woman

namjoon: did you eat lunch ?

y/n: everybody say no

namjoon: you should go do that then

y/n: run run run

namjoon: i think there is soup in the fridge

go check

y/n: did you see my bag ?

namjoon: is it there ?

y/n: you’re so big for no reason

namjoon: what ?

y/n: i’m looking at that photo on the fridge

namjoon: the disney one ?

y/n: yeah and you’re standing behind me you a big bitch

namjoon: thanks ?

y/n: ur built like a brick

ur so hot

lord

come home pls

namjoon: i’m on my way love

y/n: DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN THAT INTERVIEWER TOLD YOO TO PLAY UR OWN RACE LMAOOOOO

namjoon: i do

y/n: he really got you like that

foul

i would of laughed if i was there

namjoon: i know

y/n: loud asf too

namjoon: i know babe

y/n: pls he really ate you up

lord i’m laughing now

namjoon: i figured

y/n: still love you tho 🤞🏽❤️

namjoon: love you too

was the soup in the fridge ?

y/n: no

namjoon: k i’ll order something when i get back ok ?

y/n: light it up like dynamite

YOONGI -

y/n: what if i had 1 hour to live and was going bald and my leg was broken and all my family was dying from cancer right now

yoongi: it’s 8am

y/n: what if

yoongi: it’s 8am

y/n: yoongi 🥺

yoongi: it is 8 am.

y/n: ok and i am gonna kms.

what now yoongi ? what now ??

yoongi: bye

y/n: what the frick bro

fuck you

you’re an opp fr

can’t trust anyone

not a soul not even your own bf

this is so sad

all they ever do is leave you in the dirt

this is what fame does to people

man this is so sad

all this money gets to them fr fr

i can’t believe it

you switched like a pussy lil bitch 💔🗣🙏🏽

agust d too famous for me 😓😓

omg am i the next rap monster but actually black ????

you should get them braids again bae 😍

could be twins

nvm i don’t like you forgot

suga flopped 🥱‼️

bts disband

skz outsold bts 🗣🗣🗣🗣

felix should replace suga 💯

agust d a flop 🙄

cyphers ain’t even that good

suga old asf

yoongi: i am trying

y/n: omg hey bae 😍😍❤️🥵🥰

yoongi: to sleep

y/n: without me 😩⁉️

yoongi: yes

y/n: omw to america rn btw like fr fr no joke /thisisnotajokeimbeingfr

yoongi: i know

y/n: i can tell you’re so excited ur so cute love you 💞

yoongi: yeah.

going to sleep now.

y/n: rest up bro ‼️‼️‼️

see you soon g 🥱🤞🏽

HOSEOK -

y/n: i had a dream you violently slammed me into a pile of bricks

you had me by the throat

hobi: my fault

y/n: my back is broken now

hobi: sorry

y/n: it’s ok i forgive you

hobi: thank you

y/n: just don’t do it again

hobi: i promise i won’t

y/n: don’t let me down

hobi: ok

y/n: we are in love

hobi: true

y/n: cool

hobi: went into a cake shop today

y/n: what did it smell like

hobi: roses

y/n: interesting

hobi: got a small cake with a strawberry on top

y/n: photo ?

hobi: i dropped it

y/n: oh

hobi: i took a picture of it on the floor tho do you want to see ?

y/n: please

TAEHYUNG -

tae: hiiii

y/n: saw a trumpet on the tv made me think about how shit you sound playing it

tae: fuck you i’ll be great one day

y/n: i take it back ur hot

tae: fanks

y/n: we can get matching trumpets

can we put like sequins on them or will that fuck up the sound or something?

tae: idk

y/n: you should

tae: can we drink tn?

y/n: we can make a lil marching band 🥺🥺🥺

tae: also can we not invite jin this time want it to just be us

y/n: we should learn how to play dynamite

tae: and we are gonna eat yesterday’s leftovers

y/n: but if i see your fucking feet out one time today marching band dreams will come to an end ok ?

tae: but idk if i’m really feeling leftovers yk???

y/n: make sure them dogs are LOCKED away

tae: yeah idk i’ll wait until it’s time to eat then i’ll decide

y/n: what ?

tae: huh?

why are you talking about my feet

y/n: they’re scary 😟

tae: i feel like we’re on the completely different pages rn

JUNGKOOK -

jk: what if i was spiderman ?

y/n: that would be hot

jk: yeah

y/n: why aren’t you spiderman?

jk: racism.

y/n: valid

jk: do you still think i’m hot even tho i’m not spiderman?

y/n: i guess

jk: thanks

y/n: yw

jk: sorry i’m not at my full potential

y/n: i forgive you

jk: ok

y/n: ok

jk: bought a rock today

y/n: a shiny one ?

jk: no

y/n: like just a normal one ?

jk: yeah

y/n: nice.

jk: ikr

y/n: how much was it?

jk: 4k

y/n: what

jk: 4,000

y/n: jungkook

jk: yeah

y/n: what the fuck

jk: the rock seller was very convincing

y/n: can you return it ?

jk: no

y/n: what does the rock do

jk: sit ?

y/n: oh

jk: i’m gonna draw a face on it

y/n: i think i’m gonna take your card for a bit

jk: oh

y/n: yeah

jk: did i do something wrong ?

JIMIN -

jimin: watched 10 fancams of myself today

y/n: watched 10 of v

jimin: go fuck him then ???

y/n: might do that

jimin: no don’t it was a joke /j /j /j /j

y/n: don’t joke like that got my hopes up for nothing 😔💔

jimin: you would never

y/n: try me

jimin: you make me sick

y/n: 🤞🏽🤞🏽

jimin: you make me hard

y/n: i would hope so

jimin: yeah

y/n: yeah

jimin: i’m in our room

y/n: ok

jimin: just thinking

y/n: nice to know your brain still does that

jimin: you ruined it

y/n: my bad bro 🙏🏽

jimin: bro ???

y/n: bestie ?

jimin: ur so annoying

y/n: i’ll try better myself for you jimin 😔

jimin: you cant

you’re too lost

y/n: find me jimin 🥺🥺

pls find me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

jimin: i’ll try

y/n: that’s so hot 🤤🥵❤️‼️💯

[blackstar95]

The Brothers reaction when MC slaps their ass

Lucifer

As usual, Lucifer listened to some classical music and poured himself a glass of wine to relax a bit.

Once he was done, he brought the glass to his lips and took a sip, savoring the taste.

"Mhm," he hummed to the sound of the melody and blissfully closed his eyes, enjoying the quiet moment he was having.

Much to his dismay, you entered his office without making yourself noticable.

Now dont get me wrong, he loves enjoys your company.

But not when your main goal is to tease him.

An thats exactly what you were doing.

You grinned mischievously as you slowly crept up to him, his back turned to you.

Since he was in his own state of mind, he didn't noticed anything.

That was until you reached your hand out.

In that milisecond, Lucifer's senses were tingling and his eyes shot open, turning around as fast as lightning.

But it was too late.

He only watched as your right hand colided with his left buttcheek, giving it a good squeeze afterwards.

Lucifer jumped and just stared at you in shock, processing what just happend.

And you just stood there with an empty expression, your eyes starring at your palm.

"Wow, your butt is actuallly softer than I thought".

Lucifer furrowed his brows in anger and shook his head.

"MC".

"Yeah?" You asked, looking up at him innocently.

Lucifer had that closed eyed smile with an dark aura surrounding him.

"Now, what made you think this was an good idea, MC?".

You shrugged and slowly walked backwards, shivering nervously "I dont know.. I was just curious?"

"Curious?" He met up with your steps and tilted his head to the side, his smile never leaving

He became dangerously close, making you more nervous than you already are.

You felt your back hitting the wall and your eyes widened.

Oh lord...

Lucifer slammed his palm beside your head, caging you.

You flinched and looked to the ground, feeling suddenly so tiny under him.

Lucifer cupped your cheek and made you look back up at him, a sadistic smile on his lips.

"Such inappropriate behavior should be punished, MC"

I leave the rest up to your imagination.

Mammon

Mammon was walking beside you as always, being practically attached to your hip (nothing new).

You guys were at R.A.D on your way to the cafeteria, since it was break time.

The greedy demon beside you rambled about that new scheme to make money, and you once again had to talk him out of it.

"Ya! It aint a dumb idea!" He protested.

"It is Mammon. Just think about Lucifers reaction and the consequences," you shook your head "Want to hang from the ceiling that bad?".

Mammon only scuffed, turning his head to the side.

You glanced over to him and noticed a visible pout on his lips, making him look like a child.

"Hey, Mammon".

"Hm?" He looked over at you "What's up?".

You raised your hand and reached over for his bottom, smiling sweetly at him.

"Cheer up".

He was about to question you, but before he could even start his sentence, you cutted him off with a real loud smack on his ass.

Mammons stopped dead in his tracks and his eyes widened in shock "W-what?".

Once realisation kicked in, his face flushed in an intsant.

"O-oi, human! Whats the big deal slappin' my butt like that?!". He yelled at you, looking like a fricking tomato.

You couldnt help but let out a few chuckles, highly amused by his reaction.

"Ya! It aint funny!"

Thanks to his loud voice, the whole hallway now knew what just had happened.

Leviathan

Leviathan walked down the stairs to the dining room.

He was really excited because he finally got his hands on the new Ruri-chan merchandise that came out.

"Woaah! I cant believe I got that limited edition figurine!, its SO rare and the new outfit- its just soo angelic-"

Levi being caught in his own ramblings didnt noticed that you were walking beside him.

"And that new hairstyle! I cant believe Ruri-chan could get even more cuter than she already is-"

"Say Levi, to who'm are you talking to?"

"WAh!", Levi jumped slightly at the sound of your voice and almost tripped over his own foot.

"Wha- MC!? How long have you been here!?"

You smiled at him and grabbed his shoulder for support, preventing him from falling down the stairs.

"There there, calm down. I didnt heard much".

Levi let out an sigh of relief and turned to you.

"Yeah right, I mean who would want to listen to an yucky otaku like me?".

You facepalmed in your mind and sighed, he really needs more confidence.

Leviathan kept walking and pitying himself, mumbling random stuff.

He has such a negative mindset.

You walked up behind him not thinking much.

But then you stared at his head and then his back,

Eventually your eyes landed on his bottom.

You smirked to yourself as you just ran past him, giving his butt a hard and loud smack.

Levi yelped in surprise and stood still, overwhelmed with what just had happened.

His hand grabbed his right buttcheek and rubbed it, being too shocked to react.

You turned around and waved at him. "Damn Levi, you really got an nice butt there! Im soo jealous!"

You then disapperaed in the dining room.

Levis brain needed a whole minute to process what just had happened.

And then he became a stuttering mess.

"M-M-MC! W-what was that now?!, h-hey wait!" He hid his flushed face behind the back of his hand as he stumbled after you.

Ngl he was kinda happy you touched him.

Satan

Satan was on kitchen duty, cooking his curry.

He invited you to join and help, so you guys could spend some time together.

And theres no way you would ignore that chance.

So here you were beside him, giving him the ingredients he asks for and making some small talk.

"Did you know that Beel almost ate my hair in his sleep?" You sighed "Im lucky im not bald".

Satan glimpsed at you and raised his eyebrow, shaking his head, "His hunger really doesnt know its limits".

He looked up, "Well speaking of sleep, I had an unpleasant dream last night."

You handed him the spoon and nodded "What was it about?"

Satan sighed, "Beel ate too much and grew to be a giant. He then ate the House of Lamentation, leaving the rest of us homeless".

You laughed, "Why do I have a feeling that could actually happen?"

Satan frowned "He already eats plates, its only a matter of time until he starts eating the walls".

You chuckled, intending to jokingly slap his arm.

But since you werent focused on what you were doing, you didnt notice how your slap landed right on his butt.

Satan dropped the spoon he was holding and looked at you with wide eyes.

"What are you doing?"

You turned to him with an confused expression "Did I do something wrong?"

Satan cocked an eyebrow and leaned his head to the side "You just slapped my butt".

Now its your turn to look at him with wide eyes. "I did what now?".

Satan didnt knew if you were joking or not, and it was kinda ticking him off.

"My butt. You slapped it".

"No I only slapped your arm- ohh wait..." you chuckled.

"What is so funny?" He asked you with furrowed brows.

"Sorry Satan, I wasnt focusing on what I was doing and accidently slapped your butt instead of your arm," You shrugged "My bad".

Satan nodded and turned back to what he was doing "Next time be more careful, or I will return the gesture".

You smirked and leaned over to him "I wouldnt mind that".

He will remember that.

Asmodeus

Asmo was having a mid-life crisis.

He was on one of his diets, because his waist gained 1 millicentimeter.

You assured him that a little more weight always looks good and healthy but he wont listen.

So here you were infront of him, eating one of his favorite Cupcakes.

"MC darling, why do you have to torture me like that?"

He whined "Its not faair!"

You just shrugged "I have another cupcake left for you, but since you're on your little 'diet' I will give it to Beel."

He sighed and dropped his head on the table "Does my pain bring you pleasure?".

You frowned "I-"

Asmo gasps and sat back up straight. "Dont tell me your into that stuff?, Wow!"

He smiled and wiggled in his chair.

You sighed and shook you head "Asmodeus, stop".

He pouted "You're no fun..".

After some time you finally finished the cupcake and Asmodeus had reached his limit.

He watched as you stood up and walk towards to the kitchen.

"Wait, what are you doing?" He also stood up and followed you.

"I will bring the cupcake to Beel-"

"No, wait!" he grabbed your wrist and stared at you.

You looked back at him "What is it, Asmodeus?".

He glimpsed to the side "I dont want him to eat my cupcake.."

You clicked your tounge and pulled him towards you, making him stumble to the side

"What are you doi- AH!" He moaned yelped in surprise as you slapped his ass.

"Just eat that damn Cupcake. Its not like you will gain 10kg from it".

He blushed "Oooooh MC! That really made me excited! How harsh you pulled my wrist-"

You just let go of him and left the room.

"MC where are you going?, you cant just leave me here!"

Beelzebub

Beelzebub asked you to keep him company while working out.

And of course you said yes.

So now you sat there, on the bench with a towel in hand, enjoying the view infront of you.

Beelzebubs biceps flexed as he lifted weights, and his white tanktop was drenched in sweat, making it transparent.

His abs showed through the fabric and you blushed.

How can this man be so big and muscular?

You blinked when he stopped his workout and laid the weights back down.

He grabbed his bottle from the floor and drank from it, taking big gulps.

You decided to stand up and walked over to him.

"Hey, Beel"

Beel lowered the bottle from his mouth and smiled at you "Hey, MC!"

You smiled back, and held the towel in your hand out to him, "Here take this".

"Thanks" He nodded at you and grabbed it, wiping the sweat on his face away.

"So, how is the workout going so far?" You asked couriously.

"Im still warming up" he replied.

You blinked, Still at warming up, huh?.. impressive.

"But im starting to feel hungry..." Beel pouted.

You laughed "You can do it Beelzebub, I believe in you".

He blushed and smiled at you "Thanks, MC!"

So cute.

You nodded and patted his shoulder "Sure".

Beel proceeded to start his warm up again, starting with some sit-ups.

But you had other plans.

"Beel wait!" You ran up to him.

He stopped what he was doing and looked over at you "What is it, MC?"

Before he could fully turn his body to you, he felt a stinging sensitation on his butt.

He looked at you startled, now realising you slapped it.

"Wow Beel, your buttcheeks are pretty hard.. are they made of iron or something?" You hold your hand up to your face.

Beel blushed slightly, not knowing what to do or say.

You just shrugged and turned around, marching towards the bench you were sitting on.

But suddenly, you felt a light clap on your own butt.

You gasped, "What-, Beel?!" You looked behind you and saw him standing there, smiling.

"Your butt feels really soft and nice, MC". he chuckled, "Is that a human thing to do?"

"Beel no-"

Belphegor

Belphegor was taking a nap in the attic, skipping the student council meeting.

And since you were coming late to the meeting due to some complications, Lucifer ordered you to search for Belphie and bring him there along with you.

And thats how you ended up infront of the attic, clearly annoyed.

"Belphegor," you spoke as you opened the door "I know you're in here".

The youngest brother laid on the bed, snoring and cuddling into his cow pillow.

You walked over to him and shook him "Hey Belphegor! Wake up!"

He stirred in his sleep and furrowed his brows.

Eventually he opened one eye and glimpsed at you. "What is it?"

"Lucifer wants me to bring you to the council meeting" you explained.

"Too bad, I wont go" he closed his eyes again. "Why dont you join me?"

"No," you shook your head, "Please, stand up".

He groaned "No, I dont want to go".

Thats it

You grabbed Belphegor by his arms, and turned him on his stomach.

His eyes shot open "Dah! W-what, hey-"

You raised your hand and slapped his ass, the sound of it echoing through the room.

Belphegor jumped and sat up straight, looking at you in disbelief.

"What was that for?!" He blushed

"You should stand up," you crossed your arm over your chest "I asked you nicely but you wont listen".

"Alright..," He closed his eyes "I will go"

You nodded "good"

But before you could turn around, Belphegor grabbed your wrist and laid you over his lap, his hand resting on your butt.

You blushed when you realised what he was doing,

You tried to escape, but his grip on you was too tight.

"Heheh," he chuckled "Time for payback".

"B-belphegor-" you were interrupted by his hand squeezing your left cheek slightly, making you shiver.

Belphegor raised his hand and striked an direct slap on your butt.

He expected you to squeak cutely, but instead a loud moan left your lips.

You quickly sat up and covered your mouth, an massive blush on your face.

Belphegor stared at you with wide eyes,

But after a few seconds he smirked.

"Didnt knew you're into that stuff," he teased you "Im not complaining though".

You just hid your face in his shoulder, too embarassed to look up "Dont tell anyone about this..".

Belphegor chuckled and patted your head "I wont, that would ruin the fun".

He will still tease you about it tho, but just when you guys are alone.

[midoriyab0y]

˗ˏˋ 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐲 𝐬/𝐨 ˎˊ˗

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

TRAFALGAR LAW !!

· pretends to be annoyed, but everyone knows that he could never get annoyed with you wanting him to give you love.

· when in public he will always be standing extremely close to you so that your shoulders are always touching. but in private, expect to be seated in his lap. there is no other seat for you on that submarine.

· however, when you’re feeling really needy, he’ll be a lil shit and tease tf outta you. oh, what’s that? you want a kiss? good luck trying to get one, cutie.

· dw he’ll give into your needs eventually.

· and when he does eventually give you want you want, he does NOT hold back at all, so i hope you’re prepared.

┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

RORONOA ZORO !!

· bby is shy, but he tries his best ok.

· he gives you plenty of head pats. and yes, you love them more than anything ofc.

· yall are always holding hands. i mean, it’s mostly to make sure he doesn’t run off and get lost bUt, he also holds your hand just bc he likes it, and you like having that physical reassurance + it makes you feel safe.

· likes to kiss your nose bc he thinks you look so cute when he does it and your nose scrunches up and you blush and you just look really happy and he- kdfkjd

· thinks your neediness is adorable.

┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

MONKEY D. LUFFY !!

· he is MORE than happy to give you as much attention as you want so long as he’s not busy eating meat.

· he swears he loves you more than meat though!

· if you’re feeling especially needy though, he will sit you in his lap, sharing small chunks of meat with you from time to time. it’s how he shows love pls.

· and so when he’s not eating, expect lots of hugs and kisses! he loves to kiss your squishy cheeks sm - and so he’s going to do it. constantly.

· he’s honestly more needy than you are - he constantly wants your attention, always making sure you’re there to witness him show off his cool new moves.

┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

SABO !!

· this boi is probably equally as needy but he just tries not to show it.

· you get especially needy when he gets cooped up from work but fear not! he always always always makes up for it tenfold. cuddles x10, kisses x10, just sabo’s presence in general x10.

· fricking loves it when he’s just lying down on his bed or the couch or something, just vibing, and then you come up to him and curl into his side, wrapping your arms around his waist.

· ask him for one kiss and you’ll get like fifty in return.

· always likes to be holding your hand when yall are out in public, and he will occasionally sneak in a lil peck on your lips when he thinks no one is looking.

┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

SHANKS !!

· he is such a little shit. he teases the absolute fUCK out of you.

· oh, you need affection and kisses? bEg.

· when he finally gives in though, be prepared. because this man will not hold back when it comes to giving you affection! he has NO mercy.

· will happily kiss you anywhere, anytime, so long as you ask him nicely - much to your embarrassment, and his pleasure. 

· he is shameless. he can and will start making out with you in front of his crew, in front of random civilians on the street, in front of the navy, in front of anyone and everyone. if his love needs attention, he will give it.

┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

PORTGAS D. ACE !!

· excuse me ace is the CEO of giving his needy s/o attention.

· completely DROWNS you in affection and you live for it. he will always make sure he’s giving you all of the affection and attention that you deserve and need.

· make sure you give him lots and lots of love too, okay? bby boy needs love and affection.

· imagine thinking that even for one second this boy wasn’t going to be showering you in love. you’re constantly wrapped up in his warm embrace, for both his and your sake.

· yeth he loves to give you lots of kithes.

[omiscurls]

haikyuu!! characters as bed sharing AU’s

taken of pinterest!

characters in question: kiyoomi sakusa, miya atsumu, kenma kozume, suna rintaro, tobio kageyama, kuroo tetsuro, akaashi keiji

kiyoomi sakusa - the “you have too much nightmares, let me try this method on you”

When you look at Sakusa, you wouldn’t guess any of his weaknesses... well except for one maybe

He always speaks so confidently, if he doesn’t feel secure, he just doesn’t speak

So even if you’ve been their manager for... several years, you still know as much about this man’s weaker sides as if you met him yesterday, or even less. 

The surprise on your face when you binge watched a series at night, and you suddenly felt the scream definitely coming from outside your headphones was indescribable 

Was the room next to yours... Sakusa’s?

you thought nothing of it, but night after night, you heard a lot more, you heard crying, ventilating, calling out random names, and finally you decided that not only is this interrupting your sleep, it’s not healthy for the wing spiker either

come on, the next day is game day, he has to be on his best abilities 

nobody wants to deal with grumpy kiyoomi, nobody has the guts

so you remember a method your friend has told you about that their s/o uses on them 

it took a lot of courage, but there you are, about to knock on his door... 

Sakusa flinched hearing knocks on his door. That definitely wasn’t just a comeback from a dream. Someone’s knocking on his door. Was he being too loud? Did he wake someone up? He prays that it’s just someone wanting something, even if it’s around 2AM, and who on earth would want someone at 2AM. 

Normally he would’ve been pissed off, but now he wished for this scenario to come true. 

He put on a hoodie before opening the door, since it was cold outside the sheets, besides, who wants to see him in his underwear, right? Especially if it’s marvel themed-

The look on his face when he sees his crush on the other side of the door is priceless. He can practically feel his face going all red. 

“Can I help you?” he clears his throat and says lazily, pretending to be annoyed by the fact you allegedly woke him up, even though the tears still flow down his cheeks. 

“No, but I can help you” you say, just as embarrassed as he is, and it doesn’t help when he raises his eyebrows like that, so you quickly add “That is, if you like, please feel comfortable to tell me to piss off if I’m being too much, but I have a friend with a problem simmilar to yours and I just...”

“Okay, I’m listening” he interrupts, causing you to look up at him. 

When you explain the idea to him, he’s more than pessimistic, he’s laughing in your face, mumbling something about how he thanks you for your concern, but... 

You took the opportunity that you’re both sitting on his bed, and just lay on your back. 

“Come on, just try” 

“No!” he answers almost immediately, but, as he’s also a man of logic... 

He really has to be on his best tomorrow, and you’re his only hope at the moment. He reluctantly lays down next to you, and your hand guides his face near your neck. 

“Fine, but only so you stop with this idea already. It’s not gonna work.”

You’re both extremely out of your comfort zones, but you’re slowly adjusting. You feel him nuzzle closer, and your hair just instinctly lands in his hair, curling one little curl on your finger. 

His showergel smells amazing, by the way. It puts you to sleep instantly, but you know you can’t be the one to pass out first. After a while of silence, you ask him if his trial run has expired already, but there’s no response. His breath evens out, and you’re too afraid to stir away far enough to check if his eyes are closed. 

“Kiyoomi? Are you asleep?” you ask, but again, there’s no response. 

Oh well. 

The next morning he’s so embarrassed that the idiotic idea worked, he can’t even look you in the eyes at breakfast. 

atsumu miya as “you’ve been so dejected lately i feel too bad to leave you alone at night” 

He didn’t ask for this at all, but yet you ended up being his roommate. 

A roommate who was recently going through an extemely tough time. 

Seriously, even he feels bad seeing you all in tears all the time, mindless look and not paying attention to anything

Even though you weren’t each other’s favorite people in the world before, you ended up getting closer over the fact that he was the only one to see you at the worst moments

You hated that, but what can you do, there’s no safer place to cry in than your dorm

And even though he kinda made fun of it at first, the longer it kept going, the more concerned he’d get

It got to a point where he literally wouldn’t leave you alone 

While still pretending not to like you, of course

Have you eaten? Have you drank something? Have you even left your bed today? How long did you sleep last night? Not at all? You idiot, start taking care of yourself. 

You dumbass, you dummy, you moron, you absolute fricking mess

Some of your friends consider him your boyfriend, judging from the messages you get from him

“Dummy, there’s a granola bar in your bag, better eat it” “Hey idiot, I had to run to practice early today. Are you feeling less shitty than yesterday?” 

He noticed that, as it is logical, your mood proggressively gets worse as you get tired 

And that you actually learned how to cry without sobbing so you don’t wake him up, how thoughtful of you

Well your mistake, now you have an 80kg volleyball player over you. 

“Atsu, what’re you doing?” you ask in a tired voice, covering your face with a pillow. 

“You’re crying.” he states bluntly, staring at you like a four-year-old. 

“Observant, are we?”

“Hey. Dumbass. You didn’t cry for so long already, what happened?” he whispers, sitting by your side, and you can’t mumble words, feeling so ashamed you want to disappear. You fall on your back and pretend not to notice the question. 

He sighs audiably. 

“Alright then, just know you brought this on yourself” he states, and before you can ask why, he’s already laying beside you. 

“W-what’re you doing?” you scream-whisper, right into his blonde hair, and he shivers at the feeling. 

“I’m comforting you, isn’t it obvious, you moron?” he hisses. “Although, I can see my mistake now” he states, and you think he’s gonna go back to his own bed, but no, he grabs you by the waist and rolls over, so now you lay on top of him, flustered as ever, thankful for the light being off, at least he doesn’t see your tomato-like face. 

“But- Atsumu, please go to your own bed” you plea, but he shakes his head, eyes already closed. 

“Nu-uh” he answers “Yours is more comfy, anyway” he jokes, making you chuckle through the tears. 

He puts his hand on the back of your head and puts it on his chest. 

“Goodnight, dipshit” he whispers, and you manage to fall alseep listening to the steady beat of his heart. 

No tears, he’d feel them anyway. 

kenma kozume as “the heater broke and i’m cold as hell, can you come here?”

this should not have happened

the guy looks miserable

but, you see, he’s doesn’t have the biggest amount of muscles in his body, his not as ripped as his highschool friends

body fat? also no, he’s a skinny, fairly tall boy who gets cold really easily

for real, he’s wearing a hoodie at all times, and in winter, he looks like a shell of himself

so you’re over at Kuroo’s house on a New Year’s party

the party ended like an hour ago, everyone is asleep

(Lev’s gonna be so dead when Yaku wakes up and finds the tall guy’s head on his stomach) 

you’re almost sound asleep in Kuroo’s guest bedroom, so gracefully given to you by the host

the only other person in the room is Kenma, who originally slept in Kuroo’s room together with his best friend, but got annoyed by the weird questions him and Bokuto kept asking

so he asked you if he can sleep on the couch in the room 

why wouldn’t you say yes? 

earlier that night Kuroo burnt pizza in the oven, so you all opened almost every window in the house to get the smell to leave

and kinda forgot to close the ones in the bedrooms

but no worries, you have a radiator

...right? 

why is the radiator set on the highest temperature and still stone cold? 

well, doesn’t matter, you can just wrap yourself in the heavy sheets

Kenma, on the other hand, only has a small blanket

And since it’s a party, he’s wearing a shirt, not a hoodie 

The boy’s freezing 

“Hey, are you asleep?” you hear a very quiet whisper coming from the couch. 

“Thought you’re here cause you couldn’t stand the chit-chat, Kenma?” you ask with a grin on your face. 

“Yeah, right. Sorry.” he mumbles and you hear him shift in his spot, visibly annoyed by the circummstances. There’s a moment of silence, in which he can feel his face almost burn down from embarrassment. 

Oh, my god, you sound like you’re annoyed with him here. Areyou? Come on, tell him you aren’t. He should just let you sleep. 

But does he really want to spend the rest of his night feeling his feet hurt from cold? Fuck, Kuroo, you and your stupid pizza. 

He gets up, tightly wrapped in his blanket, and checks the radiator. 

“It’s definitely broke” he sighs, touching the cold surface, and turns back to the couch, falling on it face down, letting out a groan. 

You giggle at his action, and he opens his eyes immediately, hearing the sound of your voice. 

“Kenma... I offered you the bed once already, it’s warmer” you start, but he raises his hand and shakes it in a disagreeing gesture. 

“No no, please, don’t worry” he mumbles against the couch, trying to ignore the, ironically, burning sensation in his legs. Is this a bedroom or is this Antarctica?

“Oh, come on” you say, opening the sheets. “We don’t want you to freeze, do we now?” 

Oh my god, what did you do. There’s so much thoughts racing through his mind right now. Should he do it? It sounds so nice... But should he really?

Fuck it, he thinks, you’re offering, he can’t turn down an offer from you. 

He lazily walks over to the bad and lays down next to you, at a reasonable distance, only to hear you laugh again. He spares you an annoyed glance, and you shake your head slightly, rolling over next to him, covering him with the sheets you have wrapped around yourself so tightly, and using his chest as a pillow. 

Hold on, that’s not what he signed up for. Why are you... How...? 

He hesitantly and gently puts his arm around you, relaxing his body, the scent of your shampoo making him slightly dizzy. 

Please don’t notice how fast his heart is racing. This is fine. It doesn’t mean anything, he can promise. 

rintaro suna as “hey dude, i hear cuddling helps you sleep, wanna try?”

the most chill person out there 

literally you would never have guessed how nervous he was before asking you 

it’s  just another week, another game and another hotel you are all staying in 

and fate is definitely on his side today, since his bedroom is literally next door to yours

he got to your door and left without doing anything about three times before he eventually decided to be a man and knock

has a master plan in his mind

he’s gonna show you a website with an article about how cuddling (allegedly) makes you sleep better 

and he’s just gonna be so causal about it 

he’s just gonna knock, put on an emotionless smirk and ask you, just like he always does

but here’s the think, he’s not so chill on the outside

“how should I call them? their name? a pet name? bro? no, too much” 

but, he does end up knocking 

“Hey, Y/N, what’s up?” you turn your head to the door to see a figure of Suna in only his underwear and an oversize t-shirt with the logo of some metal band. 

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” you ask, voice hoarse as you were already drifting off. 

“I read this super cool thing, wanna see?” he seems not to mind your comment, as he walks over to your bed and practically throws himself beside you, not minding you laying there, shoving his phone in your hands. 

“... help you fall asleep in just three minutes...” you’re mumbling under your breath as you read the headline. “Rin, this sounds so fake” you laugh, falling back on your pillows, as he sighs. 

“I wanna try, and it’s either you or Kita, and he gives me serial killer vibes” he mutters, earning yet another serie of laughter from you. 

But seeing the serious hint in his eyes, you lift your hands in surrendering gesture. 

“Go on with it, Mr Romantic” you state, watching in amusement as he groans at the comment and burries his face in your pillow. 

You’re sure this is him considering this mission a failed one and giving up, but then he looks up 

“Well, are you coming?” he asks completely serious, and you have nothing left to do than hug him and settle your face in the crook of his neck, not minding as his breathing lifts your hair from time to time and tingles your skin. 

Can someone feel your blush through their skin? You surely hope not. 

tobio kageyama as the almighty “the hotel room has only one king size bed and we need to share”

He never would’ve thought his teammates would betray him like this

What the hell do they mean there’s only two people rooms available and they’re all in pairs already

Honestly, primary school all over again

ugh

His perfectly happy to be sleeping alone, when he finds out you’re his roommate

this is fine tobio, don’t freak out

well he’s composed about it

a little bit of a “tch” and “well I guess there’s nothing we can do about it”

internally he’s a little girl now, but you never would’ve guessed judging by the annoyed grimace on his face

because how does it matter if you’re sleeping in the same room, it’s not like he was planning to run around naked, right?

it all changes once you press the card to open the room, and when he so gentleman-like lets you enter first, you find out there’s only one, big, king sized bed for couples exclusively

the only thing missing are rose petals and candles prepared for newlyweds

you try so so hard not to burst out laughing

when he enters, he becomes as white as the walls around

he can’t process this, what the fu-

bet he’s spending hours at the reception desk explaining it’s a huge mistake

unfortunately, these were the only rooms left, sorry not sorry, you’re sleeping together

and that brings you to the situation you’re in currently

He’s almost over the edge of making a wall of pillows between you two. You can’t help but feel a tiny bit offended by it, but you know he’s probably just super hyper embarrassed.

“Yama, who don’t you trust, me, or yourself?” you ask with a proud grin painting your lips as you sit on your side, sheets tucked around your waist, back rested on the wall behind you.

He gives you an annoyed glance, before answering:

“It’s not that”

Once he says that, he proceeds to somehow nestle himself in, but he looks like one of those dolls that come with a bedroom furnishing, almost lifeless, resting on his back with hands straight down his body, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“Relax, will you?” you giggle “You have a game tomorrow, grumpy face”

He rolls his eyes.

You shake your head and turn off the light, mumbling a quiet goodnight, as you turn to your side and place a hand under your head, back facing Kageyama.

Well, this is gonna be a long night, or so you think, up until he falls asleep.

You can physically feel him move around, and you think that’s what’s keeping you awake.

It takes a while for you to realize the star valley ball player is getting unconsciously closer, up until you can feel his breath on your neck.

Ironically enough, it’s you who’s all stiff and nervous now, when suddenly you feel his arm go around your waist.

“Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me” you mutter, but he shifts dangerously when you speak, so you have to give up side commentary.

You decided to tease him just a bit. He’s the one who’s gonna be flustered when he wakes up, you’re on a winning side by being awake.

You smile to yourself before shifting your body closer to his. He sighs contently, almost making you laugh.

Oh how you want him to wake up and see already.

tetsuro kuroo as “we fell asleep on the couch together and now my hand is in your hair and you’re breathing directly on my neck”

you’re over studying, or just helping him with something

the point is, you were working all day

at some point he suggests getting pizza

hell yeah, pizza

you order a little bit too much of it, but since you both are suckers for pizza, nobody can back up first

and as you know, people tend to get sleepy after they eat too much

he has a wide couch, so you can both lay beside each other without having to lay ON each other

and as you tend to get a little bit sleepy, you both shift to lay down instead of sitting, still focused on the work, though 

you don’t know why, you don’t know how but it just happens that you fall asleep

you obviously don’t see what happens after that, but Kuroo notices you asleep when he asks you multiple questions and you repeatedly don’t answer, he got it like around question number 4

“Lazy much, huh, sleeping beauty?” he mutters to himself, but smiles unconsciously as he glances at your stoic face 

and as if that subconsciously impacted his brain, soon enough he can’t find it in himself to keep his eyes open as well. 

Kuroo wakes up to an annoying pain in his neck, causing him to hiss and automatically  want to place his hand on the place that ached. Whoops, did he fall asleep on the couch again? Oh well, didn’t he have work to do? 

He lifts his hand as he wanted to, but suddenly he feels something shift beneath it, and when he looks down to see you, with your head rested on his chest, breathing slowly, a peaceful smile on your face. 

Your legs are tangled with his in some unexplicable manner, and as the man of logic he so obviously is, he can’t even begin to understand how that happened. 

Especially why his hand feels so in place, holding you by the waist, closer to himself, and the other one lost somewhere in your hair. 

You shift your head slightly up, and sigh contently, now breathing directly on the exposed part of his neck. He somehow manages to not shiver at the tingling sensation, getting more and more flustered by the second. 

His heart rate inscreases drastically, making him realize he’s stressed like he’d never been before, as he tries to make up his mind about whether to wake you up, gently push you off and let you rest, or maybe stay in place. 

He feels attracted to the last one, but knows it’d only be unfair to you. 

But you could wake up if he moved you, and you had a long day, after all... 

Maybe he’s gonna let you stay there. Not for long, only five... more... minutes...

keiji akashi as “you’re staying over at my place, you take the bed, i’ll sleep on the floor. no, really, i’m comfortable on the floor. GEEZ FINE we’ll both take the bed, ya happy now?

You wanna know what got you in this situation huh

well, you were over for dinner, but it started raining really heavily 

like, really really heavily

and akaashi being the sweetheart that he is, can’t let you go home like that

it’s a long way to the train station, you’re gonna get sick, and what if there’s a traffic accident? he can’t have that

(he just wants to spend more time with you but shh about that) 

doesn’t matter how hard you try to convince him you’re gonna be fine. you’re staying and that’s final 

it’s cute, he’s cute when he’s worried 

well that brings you to where you are currently, already after your shower, dressed in one of akaashi’s t-shirts, oh this feels so couple-ish 

you wait for him to finish with his night time routine in his room, admiring all the posters and childhood pictures he has

he has the first ever selfie bokuto took with him framed 

when he comes back, that’s when the problems start

“Alright, well, let’s get some sleep, you can take my bed, and I’ll take the floor

And that’s what brings us to the guilt rising in your stomach as you settle in the guy’s sheets, inhaling the heavy scent of his shampoo from the pillow under your head. It’s his house, his bed, and yet he’s sleeping on the floor like some random guest. You’re the random guest here, you can’t help but feel like you’re crashing at his place against his will, and you’re making him uncomfortable.

“ ‘Kaashi?” you whisper, making his eyes open wide to see the dark ceiling of his room. There’s silence for a moment, and then he shifts to turn on the light once more.

“Yeah?” he sighs, bringing one hand up to his face to rub his eyes, unable to open them properly because of the sudden flush of light.

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep on the bed?” you ask shyly, making him chuckle as he shakes his head.

“Yes, yes I’m sure. Goodnight” he states gently, turning on the light once again. This is gonna be a long night, he thinks.

You cannot catch your sleep. Damn it, damn your altruism and all that shit.

“Akaashi no, I can’t-“ you’re cut of by the sound of him laughing.

“Oh my god. Fine. If I move to the bed, will you sleep already?” he whines quietly, and seeing you nod in the dark, he gets up and picks up his pillow.

You get off the bed, wanting to swap places with him, but are held back by his hand.

“No, if you sleep on the floor, i won’t be able to close my eyes even for a second” he forbids gently, moving you back to where you were previously laying.

Oh boy, you both think, this is awkward, but the warmth of his body pressed next to yours makes it hard to be mad at him for stopping you from leaving.

This is gonna be a long night indeed.

[gothamcitytrash]

The Bet

Steph - …

Jason - …

Steph - Truth or Dare?

Jason - oh fuckin finally something to do , erm … dare

Steph - I dare you to be nice to everyone for 24 hours

Jason - Easy

Steph- No snarky comments

Jason - less easy but still doable

Steph - or backhanded compliments

Jason - oh

Steph - no insults either

Jason - wait a sec…

Steph- AND you can’t leave the manor or force people to leave

Jason - ah fuck , nah i got this

Steph - and if you fail , you can’t eat Alfred’s cooking for a month and you have to say i’m better than you BUT if you prevail , i have to say that YOURE better than me … Deal?

Jason - you’re on blondie

——— Jason wonders off to get something to eat and sees Tim practising anime moves in the mirror ———

Jason - … nope , too tempting

—— Jason passes Dick’s room to see him dancing to ABBA in a Wonder Woman halloween costume ——

Jason - i’m fucked

——— Jason makes it to the kitchen and makes himself lunch , Bruce comes to sit down next to him . Jason sees that Bruce is making the ‘Parentface‘ while scrolling on his phone with his index finger

Jason - oh i’m gonna die

Bruce confused - ?!?

——— Jason walks to the door and opens it to see Steph standing there ———

Steph - Whatcha Doin?

Jason - Nothing , i er … i was just getting some fresh air

Steph - sure , i’ll let you quit if you say i’m better than you

Jason backing off - i walked from Ra’s Compound to Gotham City , i can do this and youll never hear that outta my fucking mouth

Steph shouting - YOU DIDNT SAY I WASNT BETTER THAN YOU

——— Jason panicking and sees Duke walking into his room ———

Jason - DUKE

Duke jumping out of his skin - PLEASE DONT HURT ME IM JUST A BOY

Jason - oh thank god , i’m not gonna hurt ya but you gotta help me

Duke befuddled - oh…kay

Jason - i made a bet with Steoh that i could be nice to everyone for the rest of the day

Duke - why? , why would you do that , you can’t go 10 mins without an insult

Jason - i’ve lasted 3 hours so far , and i have 2 hours left but Damian , Babs , Cass and harper are gonna and home soon

Duke - so?

Jason - SO , they’re getting back from the KISS concert

Duke - oh

Jason - yeah fucking oh

Duke - Damian went to a KISS concert?

Jason - he lost a bet to Steph too

Duke - gosh… she’s a menace

— Damian , Babs , Cass and Harper come home —

Jason - … their here

Duke - you have to go downstairs

Jason - i’m scared

Duke - it’s okay , it’s just saying “ you’re better than me steph “

Steph from the vents - thank you duke

Duke terrified - AHHH WHAT THE FRICK

Jason pointing up - she’s in the fuckin vent dude

—— Jason wonders off to the library but hears ——

Cass - Jay!

Jason pretending to be invisible - …

Cass - Jay , the concert was so cool

Harper - yeah it’s was fuckin fun

Babs - even Damian was head banging

Damian - it was a fun activity , the outfits and face paint were a bit much

Jason physically recoils - ….

Harper - makeup

Damian - what did you just say Row

Harper - make-up , it’s makeup

Damian - you’re lying

Babs - she isn’t , technically it’s Bruce’s eyeshadow for patrol

Damian - i’m going to kill you Row

——— Damian stumbles over in his platforms ———

Jason - I CANT FUCKIN DO THIS MAN!!!

Everyone - huh?

Jason turning around slowly - i can’t be nice c not even for 7 stupid fuckin hours… STEPH YOU FUCKIN WIN ALRIGHT , JUST LET ME OUT OF THIS CURSE

Steph dropping down from the ceiling - if you want this to stop , you know what to say

Jason - ah fuck … Steph?

Steph with a shit eating grin on her face - yes?

Jason - you’re better than me

Steph - That was very nice Jason

Jason - so i don’t have to be nice anymore

Steph - pretty much

Jason - oh thank god

———————Jason takes a deep breath——————

Jason - Dick , that wonder woman costume is extremely unflattering and makes you look flatter than Stephs hair in the morning and you can’t sing at all

Dick and Steph - Hey!?!

Jason - Bruce ; you are the crypt keeper and the fact you can stand up without crumbling into a pile of dust is beyond me

Bruce - Watch it

Jason - Tim , pretend and try as you might , you’ll never be Goku and it’s ridiculous that you keep trying , you are a subpar power ranger at best

Tim - harsh but needed

Jason - and now you four , you all look like bruce’s first draft of his batsuit , and Damian , even in platforms you are only 4ft tall AT BEST

Damian - Watch your Tongue Todd

Jason at Harper- this is the first time you’ve ever been able to convince somebody of something because you fuckin suck at lying and it’s embarrassing to watch

Harper - Damn

Jason - Babs… Red hair doesn’t suit you

Babs - Say that again and see what happens jackass

Jason - and finally … Cass

Cass - :)

Jason - yeah i got nothing … phew i didn’t think i could go on much longer

Everyone - Hungry ?

Everyone replying - Yes?

Alfred - Dinners Ready!

Jason - fuck yeah

Steph - whoa whoa , where do you think you’re going?

Jason- to eat?

Steph - did you last until midnight with out being a dick?

Jason - oh no! , no! , no please don’t do this

Steph - Goodbye Jason

Jason falling to his knees like Darth Vader - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[rosyl-stuff]

Pretend You Like Me

Paring: Ji Changmin (The Boyz) x reader

Genre: eeehmm… fake dating!au; enemies to lovers/friends, angst?, some short fluffy moments

Word Count: around 1.8k

A/N: i had some trouble with finding out if this has any triggers or not, if you found it triggering, please tell me why and i add those as warnings

You took one last look in the mirror. You looked good, you decided. Still, you couldn't help but be nervous as hell. Your stomach felt like it was turning the whole time and, you wanted to change again and spend the evening in bed. Unfortunately, you couldn't, because the charity event tonight was organised by your own mother. She expected you to be there and act like the perfect child. The perfect child, of course, also included the perfect partner, successful and good-looking. And you had this kind of partner until three weeks ago. He broke up with you. He no longer had feelings for you and was falling in love with someone else. He didn't cheat on you, but you were still hurt and had feelings for him. To make it worse, he was a friend of the family and therefore, he will attend the event tonight, most likely accompanied by the person he had fallen in love with.

A glance at the clock told you that your date was late. Of course, you thought. Ji Changmin was a colleague of yours. He was successful and good-looking. However, you didn't like each other very much. He knew everything better and only cared about himself. He probably thought you were bitchy and overbearing. But he was the best choice if you wanted to keep your dignity tonight. Who knows, maybe you could even make your ex jealous and come back to you.

Changmin was 10 minutes late by now. If he's any later, you thought, I certainly won't help him with his project. Convincing Changmin to go to the charity event as your date was kinda damaging for your pride, but he didn't think much of you anyway, so why not try. It probably even gave him satisfaction to see you begging him. Of course, he wanted something in return. He wanted you to help him with his upcoming big project. Not like you don't have enough work on your desk already, you thought.

Finally, the doorbell rang and, you pulled open the door to your apartment. "About time. My mum will kill me if we're any later." He just rolled his eyes and muttered, "Nice to see you too." At his car, he opened the passenger door and let you in. He jogged around the car, got in and drove off. Both of you were silent and, it wasn't a pleasant silence either. Changmin seemed to feel the same way because he cleared his throat and said, "Shall we go through our story again?" "It might make sense!" you sighed and started, "Well, we know each other from the company. Probably the only thing that isn't a lie!" "We used to have lunch together. And I liked you for quite some time, so I mustered up all my courage and asked you out," Changmin continued, his words dripping with mockery. "I was a little surprised, but I agreed. On our first date at an Italian restaurant, we found out that we get along really well and have a lot in common", you continued the story unimpressed by Changmin's behaviour. "Like tennis, for example" "I hate tennis!" you interjected. "Not tonight!" Changmin returned, grinning. "Do you have to make it harder than it already is?" you sighed. "Yep!" Changmin returned cheerfully, "Sometimes it's easier, to tell the truth! You'll learn that tonight!" "Are you threatening me? Listen, if you ruin this tonight, you can forget about my help with your oh-so-great project. And I promise you, your job at the company will feel like hell!" Changmin laughed, obviously not bothered by your threat. "All good. I'll try my best to impress your mother. After all, there are many influential people there tonight." "Are you using me to make new connections?" you asked, shocked. The thought hadn't occurred to you.

Changmin didn't answer any more, because you had arrived. After he parked, he got out and opened the door for you. You took another deep breath before you took his hand, which he held out to you. It was pleasantly warm and warmed your nervous cold hands. His thumb gently stroked the back of your hand as if he had sensed your nervousness.

Shortly after you entered the event hand in hand, your mother floated towards you. She hugged you and gave you a kiss on the cheek. "How nice that you finally found your way here." "Hi Ma, this is Changmin. Changmin, this is my mother." "Nice to meet you! Sorry for being late. Y/N had a bit of an outfit dilemma." said Changmin with a charming smile. Your jaw dropped. Did he really just say that you thought. Your mother paid no attention to you, laughing at Changmin's comment, "Yeah, that's how you know them." "Come along, there's someone over there I want you to meet." She led the way and, Changmin held out his arm for you to hook onto. You took his arm and whispered to him, "What was that all about? You were the one who was late!" "Yep, but that doesn't make a good impression!" he said with a grin. You gave him one last dirty look before putting on your charming smile as you were both introduced to a handful of important people.

After a while, you had a little break from Changmin as he was deep in conversation with some businessman. And then you saw him, your ex. Before you could hide, he had already spotted you and came to you. "Y/N! How nice to see you!" he said and gave you a quick hug. "H-Hi!" you stuttered and were probably already as red as a tomato. "Your mum said you're not here alone?" your ex asked. "Y-yes, um no. I'm here with Changmin. From the company." "Oh really? I always thought you didn't like that guy." "Yeah." you said, laughing nervously, "Turns out he's quite nice." Your ex eyed you sceptically. "And we have a lot in common. Tennis, for example. I love tennis."

Before the conversation could get any more awkward, you felt two arms wrap around you from behind and how someone gently kissed your cheek. "There you are. Shall we go to the buffet?" said Changmin and pulled you closer to him. You were a little speechless and stunned by the sudden closeness to Changmin and only glanced at your ex, who continued to look at you sceptically. Changmin followed your gaze: "Hi, I'm Changmin," he said, but his friendliness seemed fake. Your ex only nodded briefly and turned to leave.

Changmin pulled you towards the buffet and whispered: "My God, that was pathetic. Stuttering around and blushing. Not being able to get a sentence out. Your ex couldn't have been that great." Annoyed, you pushed his arms away from you and stomped to the buffet on your own. Changmin followed you and asked with a grin, "Did I upset you?" Swinging, you turn around and glare at him angrily, "You're a fricking idiot! You don't have to like me ok? But please pretend tonight." You barely managed to stop the tears, turned around and disappeared into the toilet.

Fortunately, no one else was there and Changmin did not follow you. It took a while, but then you felt ready to face the world again. When you left the bathroom, Changmin was standing there, waiting. When he saw you, he came up to you and pulled you into his arms. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." "Yes, you did," you grumbled, but you wrapped your arms around him anyways and returned his embrace. A hug was exactly what you needed right now. And it didn't matter now that the hug came from someone who didn't like you. Changmin gently stroked your back, "How long does your mother expect you to stay here?" "Until the end, I'm afraid!" you sighed. "And what if you're not feeling well?" Before you could answer, your mother came up to you. "Are you all right? Have you been crying?" she asked you when she saw your face. You were about to shake your head when Changmin said, "They're not feeling well. I'll take them home now." "Oh, they shouldn't make such a fuss! I'll get you aspirin and you'll be fine," your mother replied. "It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, but we're leaving now," Changmin said firmly and pushed you past your mother towards the exit.

The ride home was silent, but this time it was a more comfortable silence. "Thank you!" you whispered barely audibly, but Changmin seemed to have heard because he reached for your hand and his thumb began gently stroking the back of your hand as he did before. A little later, you realised Changmin was driving the wrong way, "Changmin, you should have turned right." "I know, but I'm still hungry and I thought we both deserve a proper meal now," he said, stopping in front of a fast-food restaurant.

Totally overdressed, you went into the restaurant and ordered. While you were eating, you noticed Changmin's hamster cheeks and started giggling. "What is it?" he asked. "You look cute with your hamster cheeks," you said, still giggling. Changmin glared at you, "You're on thin ice. Very thin ice." You laughed even more and, he couldn't help but smile a little too. During the rest of the meal, you had your first real conversation and realised that you actually had some things in common. And it really wasn't tennis. Afterwards, Changmin drove you home and accompanied you to your flat door. When you were standing in front of it, it was kind of awkward. Do you now shake hands or hug each other goodbye? You opened the door and turned to him again: "Thank you very much. I don't know how I would have done it without you today." "No problem. Sorry again. You're not pathetic." You rolled your eyes with a smile, "I know myself that it's high time for me to get over him." "If you need help again, let me know," he said. "Thanks!" you said again and then wrapped your arms around his body and buried your face in his chest. A little hesitantly, he also wrapped his arms around you and gently stroked your back. A little later, he gently kissed your temple. "It will be alright," he murmured as you broke away from each other. You smiled at him one last time and then went inside. Maybe he's not that bad.

Back in the car, Changmin let his head fall down on the steering wheel. He couldn't get the sentence: "You don't have to like me ok? But please pretend tonight. " out of his head. At that moment, he would have liked to reply, "But what if I actually do like you." But no, he had to stand there like an idiot and said nothing.

[tenebrius-excellium]

Hi umm...my life turned around 180° this past week and I don’t know how to put this into words. I’m... I am actually trauma-free. I think. I’m pretty sure.

Full story under the cut, you don’t need to read it lol. It’s just self-expression

Look, It’s obvious that no one is ever a 100% healthy person, but whatever uncomfortable part of me is left stands in no comparison to the things I just left behind.

I am free in a way I have not been in 19-20 years. That’s almost two decades and equals three quarters of my life. I haven’t felt like I’m feeling right now since 2003. You heard me. 2003. That’s a long-ass time. (Yes, I was alive back then tss.) I am too stunned even now to properly grasp how the change happened so suddenly. I visited my folks on Easter weekend feeling so stuck in never-ending pain and hurt and bitterness, mourning the past, despising the present and absolutely dreading the future, when, after a long afternoon of complaining and reflecting and praying, the solution hit me just like that. I was laying in bed that night, thinking, when clarity about the solution came to me so simple that it felt almost stupid. I made the change first thing the next morning, and just like that, poof... fricking two decades of depression, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, anxiety and outright terror were...gone.

I felt something shift in my identity, and a part of my soul clicked into place that had been dislocated like a bone for so long. It’s like literal gears turned and finally locked into the right spaces. It’s like a toddler tried to build Lego and finally managed to stack two pieces on top of each other. It’s like a constant, bloody and terrible war ended with a single blow and a fanfare. Boom. Just like that. I still can’t fully believe it.

I was able to reconnect with myself in a way that feels unbelievable. I am healed. I am free. I have peace now. I have so much freaking energy. I feel amazing. Look, this is insane. When I was still hurt, my daily schedule was skillfully organized around sleeping, eating, studying, online free time, repeat. There was maybe time to meet up with 1 friend per week and that was it. There was no energy left for more. There was no room for unexpected socializing, another hobby, a job or something. I dreaded every single time I had to leave the house for the fear that I might have a breakdown in front of someone else, particularly strangers. I tended to overshare with them and stopped caring at some point. I then isolated myself all the more because I realized that this was harmful to both me and them. I didn’t want to be a burden and they didn’t deserve to be flooded with my constant brokenness.

Right now, I feel like I could run 7 miles. I could party all night. Don’t mistake this for a temporary hype, I waited a week on purpose before posting this to make sure that this new thing is lasting. If this was merely a short emotional high, it would have already faded by now. It hasn’t. This thing is permanent. It’s fricking going to stay with me for the rest of my life. I can’t believe it. It feels too good to be true. I’m never not going to be thankful for existence itself again.

I’ve already rambled a lot now and it only feels like I’m describing a fragment of what’s actually happened. Sorry if this sounds overdramatic but I lived in so much guilt and like I had to earn love. I knew this was bullshit but could never get rid of the pattern. Now I feel like a Spring creature, a fairy or something, who is simply alive - simply existing, and life-giving in that, perfectly meaningful in simply being. Hold on I need to find some photos. I have no words to describe the internal change. I can just hope that it will translate to my external circumstances very soon and that everyone can see that I am new. 

[aquamoonchaii]

•• genre: fluff, angst

•• warning: mentions of alcohol

•• pairing: xiaojun x fem! reader

•• wc: 1.4k

•• collab: Resonance Beach by @amorajae

•• charlie's notes: enjoy this cheesy piece <3

•• summary: you two choose the worst time to argue and separate each other for a while so xiaojun is now a party pooper and he is a sappy drunk asshole. did he even understand what you said that night?

“He is the luckiest asshole in the whole resort.”

“Not as lucky as me, remember I won the tickets to get here in the first place.” YangYang brags and a couple of mocking “thank you sir” echo the room.

“But really, who the fuck brings this alcoholic to his room?” Hendery questions and the man in question scoffs, sitting up just to find all the idiots gathered around him.

"Are you really talking about me….around me?" SiCheng, without a word, grabs his face like searching for something then proceeds to grab his hands and puts them up as he is shirtless. "He is complete, no organs removed or bruises. This guy right here is indeed lucky." Xiaojun furrows his eyebrows as SiCheng gives him a slap on the back, stands up and leaves as everyone follows him talking about what they should have for breakfast but the only rational one stays.

Kun rolls his eyes at his hungover friend when handing him a glass of water with pills he got there. "You know this resort masters at wild parties and strong liquor so why are you drinking so much? The blackout thing and being lightheaded are not sexy nor a good combination."

"I'm a grown man, it's fine."

" I know, that's why no one follows you."

"Don't lie, I heard the bartender calling you."

"...maybe. But that's not the point, how do you even get here?" XiaoJun groans because it's too early for this and he is hungry, thinking how he wants to go home and be at peace. "Whatever, just don't die DeJun. Do you have any news?"

He lowers his head and shakes it, no one really mentions it as they promised to shut up about it hoping he shuts up and enjoy.

Xiaojun indeed has been quiet but drinks one beer and he is sobbing about Y/N once again. Goddamnit. It's been a week of him drowning in his tears and three days of him drowning in alcohol, his friend is really heartbroken and he secretly wonders if this type of codependency is actually good for him.

Kun bites his hand to not call you and ask what happened because XiaoJun won't talk about the whole stuff. You two were basically glued to each other since you started dating and it was a bit awkward but XiaoJun looked happier and you were really nice to everyone.

He wonders if his probably now single friend is going to be alright. For now, he just listens to him talk for a bit and forces him to swallow a lot of healthy snacks so his liver doesn't collapse.

……….

It's been two long days at the resort and everyone is having fun except XiaoJun. He has been basically brought here as another suitcase anyways, one night he has been slurring words about Y/N and how the guys would have to kill him to make him accept the invitation to the resort and the next day he woke up at lunch time with a huge hangover at a king sized bed... at the Resort.

Fuck them all.

Until Kun made some sense because well, they didn't do it to mess with him. Actually, yes but also because XiaoJun was one of the most excited when Yangyang played a stupid lottery and won tickets to a luxury resort for a week. He helped Kun to organize everything for the other chaotic asshats, it was gonna be an unforgettable summer vacation.

Yangyang and the guys approved Y/N so they invited her but no one asked anything, maybe it was because he arrived late at the dorms looking like garbage after meeting you. He remembers reaching them and opening his hand to show them both of your rings, how embarrassing but at least that stopped the questions.

After Kun leaves, he slurs a thank you because he knows he is making this trip a nightmare for him. But a question keeps running through his head, does he actually reach his own dorm by himself?

DeJun can't even stand on his feet when frick an he acts wild almost screaming what he feels because the alcohol softs his vocal chords and makes him rant about his feelings he prefers no to talk about sober.

He doesn't stand up but leans to the little table at his left to search for his wallet and grab a lot of cash, he'll search the person and tip him extra because it's probably one of the service people that looks the worst side of him.

Let's give us some time. It would be good for both of us, DeJun.

Honestly, fuck you.

How is this good?

It was a silly argument that turned into something big as stress and miscommunication clashed, you both hurt each other with harsh words and stormed out in opposite directions. The next day he met you to talk things out and you forgave each other but it had turned awfully when you returned the promise ring to him.

You are not coming back, he can feel it.

Honestly, he wants to run to you and do something for you to get him back. But what if you end things right away? You said something about giving him a week to enjoy himself as the most repetitive thing of him at the argument was you being everywhere and he couldn't breathe.

He sighs, how stupid of him.

Basically, DeJun is the clingy one so that didn't make sense. He was the one expecting for you to come and cuddle him as you bicker with Yangyang as he tried to roast him, you caressing his hair as he played the guitar and sing for you, the little kisses on his cheek when he felts sad, how you didn't leave his hand even when you were paying for the snacks. He loved it, he was the one to search for your hand so you can hold him a bit more.

If you are taking your revenge now, it's working and he wishes once again being at the dorm so the wondering and the waiting eats him alive.

You are not coming back but he is hoping you do somehow.

…….

"DeJun! Are you drunk?" He shakes his head as he arrives at the fun stuff to do, maybe doing something would make him stop thinking about you for a bit. Everyone pats their back as he probably looks like crap and make him go to beach and learn surf.

...it doesn't work but he feels less miserable at least.

No headaches are cool too as night arrives and they are invited to a party. SiCheng bet him 100 dollars he couldn't pass the night without a single shot and he raises an eyebrow.

"I'll be the one who takes you to the dorm, I won't clean anything tho."

"Deal."

The variety of cocktails makes everyone drunk as hell and XiaoJun actually has fun watching Kun dancing on the table as everyone cheers for him. Hendery breaks empty glasses as he tries to do a house of cards with them, he is the one in charge of apologies tonight. SiCheng literally passes out on his lap and he can't move.

Luckily, the staff helps him and takes each asshat to their room and he gets the chance to ask who is the person who takes him to his own room.

"No staff was needed, sir. A lady came the first night and handed me her number so I could call her when you were passed out."

"Uh, what?"

"We allowed it as he addressed herself as your girlfriend. The friend who slept over you confirmed to us she made you arrive safely."

WHAT.

"Can you call her please?"

And there you are coming hurriedly from another side of the resort, waving at the bartender. "Where is he?"

He lifts his hand and nervously waves, you approach him awkwardly and waved too. "So you caught me."

"Why didn't you tell me you were here?"

"Well, you weren't in conditions for it."

"And what's the best condition?" He doesn't know how to feel, but being embarrassed is the first thing that gets the best of him as you saw it all.

"Maybe sober?" You shrugged your shoulders and sat down in front of him, his cheeks heated because he remembers talking to someone about how sorry he feels for the woman he loves. "You really don't know how to listen to me, huh?" He looks at you utterly confused but his heart flutters when you extend your hand to him. DeJun carefully grabs yours and lets out a shaky sigh like he has been holding his breath since you left.

"Y/N…"

"There's no need to explain further, I heard it all with hiccups and everything." You chuckle and caress his hand. "It was too extreme for me to return the ring, I'm so sorry for that. But I really thought a week alone would make us think if this relationship was going well and… I felt awful. I literally made you cookies twice and kept forgetting we were on a break. I am not sure how to ask this but, how did your week go?"

"I literally can't see because of how swollen my eyes are. Never do this again please I'm so annoyed I'm going to cry again."

"I won't I promise, I also can't see." You laugh and he looks at you, your sweet eyes lighten up as he stands up and kisses them both over the table as he mutters apologies again.

"Can you keep it as a secret what I did hen drunk?"

"You screamed my name but I loved it." XiaoJun groans and covers his ears as you laugh, he searches his pocket and give shou the ring.

He is never going to drink again but he makes you write on a napkin a promise to wear the ring everywhere.

[a-simp-20]

im requesting AgAin bc *COUGH COUGH* sOMEONE (not naming NAMES [AGAin]) wanted me to....soooooo...

how about the aib squad baking cupcakes, and niragi getting frosting all on his face as a bonus!

🧁Cupcake Party!🧁

AIB Masterlist

Characters: All of them :D!

Summary: Hatter has a funny idea, where all of the executive members, Arisu, Usagi and Kuina..bake cupcakes! (Ps: aguni has a bad feeling about this)

Warning!: none

Genre: Fluff, Crack

Word count: too lazy~

Tags: @alisblackgf and @aceofspadegrass @hatterstan-shameblog (ace, hat-stan I am tagging you two cause I know you guys would like to see This cupcake chaos that Zac had in mind with that wonderful brain of his✨)

Enjoy~

"So..why did you call us for a meeting again?" Aguni asked sitting on his seat with his arms crossed while looking at his Best friend also boss Hatter "It better be something worth knowing..i have no time to hear funny information" Kuzuryuu say's as he adjusted his glasses, also crossing his arms.

Everyone, yes including Arisu, Usagi Kuina and Tatta were all in the meeting room standing while looking at hatter, same goes for the executives. Hatter sitting tgere with his sun glasses and beautiful glorious Kimono of his - that he basically just wore over his figure without even wearing it right- while playing with the cards that his fellow beach members gave him "Just spit it out already.." Niragi growls looking at the other long haird man with black hair "Well, I am not going to announce it until I finish shuffling these beautiful cards!" "Are you FRICKING kidding me!?" "Now now Niragi..just let him do what he pleases.." Aguni says as he calm's Niragi down.

"Okay! I shall announce what I have been thinking through out these days" Hatter puts down the shuffled cards on his side of the table and clapped his hands together as he announces on what he was going to say "I demand a Cupcake party!"

Everyone went silent and Kuzuryuu scoffed "I knew it was going to be some funny information that I didn't even laughed at.." He grumbles while still crossing his arms and looking down at his table "It sounds fun!" Tatta says, agreeing on what Hatter just announced "See!? Tatta agrees! Why not all of you!, besides! We need something fun and something sweet! To treat ourselves from surviving in the borderland's!" Hatter was right, they do deserve one "We will start baking the cupcakes from tomorrow on!" Everyone just agreed on what he said and got out of the meeting room, leaving him and Aguni alone "So..we have to bake the cupcakes..do we even have enough ingredients to bake all of them?" "Well of course Mori!, if you want, you and your gang could go get the supplies for the baking today!" Hatter chirps with a wide grin as he got up from his seat and put the stacked cards inside his kimonos pocket "We could..but I'm getting a feeling that things could go wrong tomorrow...if the kitchen is a mess I will not help you clean it up cause it was YOUR idea" "As you wish Mori! Now since it's almost night, you should get going and grab the supplies now! Go on, go on!" Hatter TRIES to push Aguni out of the meeting room..he fails but Aguni got out of there easily by himself.

"Now time for my Sleep!"

[THE NEXT DAY]

It is the day of making the cupcakes!, everyobe was still asleep except for Chishiya, Arisu and Tatta. The three of them are in the kitchen, Hatter told them tge other day to set things up before everyone else woke up, including himself and they did just that.

"So..what are we supposed to do again?" Tatta asked while trying to find sonething to eat inside the fridge- well freezer to be honest - "Hatter told is to set things up for the cupcake party right?" Arisu asked as he sits on one of the counters of the beache's kitchen "Precisely Arisu..we better get started.. I have a plan to do." Chishiya made a cat looking smirk on his face as he got to work and the two followed what he did.

After finishing putting all the ingredients on the kitchens large table, each bowl and cupcake ingredients had their names on them.Now it was time for them to place down the electric mixers on the table, Chishiya Grabbed one and put the electric mixer ob the table started to do something to it, so it would go out of control while mixing the ingredients "What are you doing to that Mixer Chishiya?" Tatta asked while place an electric mixer on his side of the table, and placing another one on hatters and Ann's "Oh, I'm going give him a very big surprise when he is going to mix things~" Chishiya say's with a soft smirk on his face, eyes looking Cat-ish like always while still tryna ng to damage the mixer "Well okay then..i'll be going now" Tatta says goodbye to Arisu amd Chishiya.

After the both of them were done they got out to go back to their rooms, Chishiya following.

....

"I'm glad that every one of you are here! Including you four, Kuzuryuu, Niragi, Last Boss and Aguni!" Hatter say's pointing at each one of them "At least it's free food" Niragi grumbles "Now..shall we start? I can't wait to taste our lovely cupcakes we have made!" Everyobe nodded as they began to bake.

Arisu needed help with how many cups of flowers he needs to add inside his bowl and Usagi was glad to help. Tatta accidentally spilled some milk on the floor while trying to make the frosting for his cupcakes first, Chishiya doing as best as he could, following with Ann..she ALMOST dropped there egg's on the floor ALMOST. Kuzuryuu doing as perfect as he can and so does Mira, Aguni was trying to help Hatter clean up the mess he had made which was: 2 egg shells on the floor, flower powder on his sun glasses, sugar on his apron, some drop of milk that is on top of his head for some understandable reason and other things "Look at my mixing! Isn't looking delicious already Mori Chan?" Hatter says with a wide grin "It looks very..Okay.." Aguni says as he gets back to work on his cupcakes, Hatter replying with a small hum and a smile on his face.

After everyone was done with their batter, and putting them in their own cupcake molder with different wrapping, all of them put their un- finished cupcakes inside the oven's and start working on the cupcakes frosting "My cupcakes frosting color would be a tropical, Blue blended with yellow and green! How about all of you?" Hatter asked "Mines just the casual Pink" -Usagi, "Mine is going to be a neon green one!" -Tatta "...Magenta"-LB, "Black and White if it's possible"-Chishiya "Red"-Mira, " I'm going for a BlackBerry color i guess"-Niragi, "Dark blue mixed with white"-Kuzuryuu, " A tropical mix of Blue and lime green!"-Arisu, "Chocolate"-Aguni, "Blueberry!"-Kuina

Everyone started to make their frosting until "WHAT THE FU-" "yes-" Chishiya mutters right next to frosting covered Niragi "Oh my Niragi! I think your mixer is broken! Here use a baking spoon instead" Hatter offers him a baking spoon and puts it on his hand.

After the messy frosting making their cupcakes are done. All of them got all their cupcakes out of each oven and started to put them in their colorful cups. After that they pit their frosting on their cupcakes and.. Their done- "We forgot the decoration! And sprinkles!" Hatter says "Why does it matter anyway though.." Niragi grumbles "It's for the Aesthetic's of course!" Hatter says and went to find some edible decorations and sprinkles. After finding them he scatters them all on the table on each of everyone's side of the long table they have "Let's get decorating!"

[Time skip]

After all of them finished decorating their cupcakes they went inside the meeting room to try each other's cuppie cakes! "Now let's start eating!" First was Arisu's "Minty and tropical!" Hatter chirps "Thanks!", Next is Tatta's " Taste very minty Neon like!" "Thanks boss!", Next is Aguni's "A very casual taste that we all know! I like it!" "Hm" Aguni hums, Next! Mira's "Red velvet! What a lovely taste you made Mira!" "Well I do must say that the color red does remind me of something I would always like to see~" (SUS) Next is Niragi's "It's a Berry flavoured frosting! How unique!" "Heh, knew you'd like it", Kuzuryuu's is up next "Now this is such an interesting taste I must say vanilla mixed with blueberry..interesting and mysterious just like you!" "Thank you, I tried my best" He say's and adjusted his glasses, Next Kuina "Blueberry very casual! I like it!" "Thanks Hatter!" Kuina smiles, Chishiya's "Oreo?? I didn't there were oreo's in the kitchen!" "I found it somewhere.." He say's and just smirks

[time skip-]

After that all of them started to share each other cupcakes. Hatters id rawas finally fulfilled and done amd he is happy to see- Chishiya tgrew a cupcake at Niragi "Oh.. OH YOU ARE SO ON CAT FACE!!" And that is where the Food war's 1 begun kids and yes there will be a food war's 2 someday!

The end~

(Very short with a very unusual ending! :v, but i hope you like it!)

[jaysbestie]

hello! may i get a friends to lovers! Imagine with jay please and thank you 🥺💗

Songwriting & Ice Cream

pairing ; friends to lovers! band member!jay x reader

genre ; fluff

warnings ; food

summary ; your best friend is in a band and always calls you when he's stuck on writing songs

a/n : hi I'm rlly excited about this as it's my first request and I'm sorry it took so long, also sorry the pics don't rlly match!!

It was 3 am. Fricking 3 AM. And your phone was obnoxiously ringing as there was an incoming call. You checked the time and immediately realized who was calling at this ungodly hour.

"Are you stuck again?" you inquired, with a husky voice from waking up.

"WHERE YOU ASLEEP?" jay literally scrEAMED at your ear

"Why did you scream though? Is being peaceful that difficult for you?" you heard him chuckle through the phone.

"Bro, homie, dude, I'm in a band, of course it's hard for me to be peaceful" he said with a sassy voice, trying to imitate yours. " But um yeah, I'm stuck again and we have a show this Friday night"

"JAY FRIDAY IS TOMORROW" you were shocked to say the least, jay was usually the person that was very organized and always had back up lyrics for new songs.

You see, you knew jay like the back of your hand and you're pretty sure he knows the same about you too. However it was 10 months ago that you realized you liked jay as something more than friends. You thought that everyone new since his bandmates have seen the way you looked at him on stage. The stage, his almost natural habitat. The place where he shined and was having a genuinely great time. It wasn't only love you felt for him, it was admiration too. You knew you liked him and thought you showed it through your actions, getting him gifts and praising him after performances, picking up the phone at 3AM. Maybe he was super oblivious or incredibly dumb.

"Y/N ARE YOU THERE?!" you heard him scream through the device and you woke from your trance and put phone away from your ear.

"Yeah luv, I'm here" you said while you put your phone closer to your face.

"Thank God, I thought I lost you there hun but can you, like, come over?"

"Jay I'd love to but it's 3AM and if I sneak out I'll get myself in trouble"

"Oh well, will you come to my practice tomorrow evening?"

"Sure, just send me exact time and place and I'll be there"

And after that, you exchanged good nights' and you went to sleep thinking of jay and his band's practice.

The next morning you woke up late. You suddenly remembered that it was Friday and jay's festival was tonight. You thought of his practice before the show and smiled to yourself. There was no point in eating breakfast so you just went ahead and made yourself a tasty cup of instant ramen. A famous person once said, Ramen Never Disappoints. While scrolling through social media you came across an ad about the festival and your eyes fell on jay's band name.

You decided you'd watch two episodes of your favorite tv show and then go get ready for jay's practice and the festival.

Time went by quickly and you realized it was about time you started getting ready. You picked out what you'd wear and opted to go with a simple makeup look. You had just put your right shoe on when you heard a car honk from your window.

Opening your window and looking down you saw a black jeep and hay standing beside it.

"Weren't you supposed to be practicing with the band?" you asked, surprised.

He looked up at you like he had just noticed you were there and instantly smiled. His smile made his face glow and then you took notice of his outfit, it didn't seem like an outfit for practicing but he answered your question.

"Heesung canceled it, said we are perfect so don't need to practice and be anxious" he simply said.

The look he had on was different from other days. His eyes were glowing and he looked happier that usual but also a bit?? nervous??

"Wait I'm coming!!" and with that you closed the window, put on your left shoe and headed to the door to leave. As soon as you looked the door you went to jay and he extended his arms out to go for a hug which you accepted and then returned.

You opened the car's door and sat at the passenger's seat while jay did the same but on the driver's seat. You turned your head to the side and caught jay smiling while looking at you and there it was again, that look from before. You stared for a good minute and then jay started the car.

"Should we go to the festival now or a bit later?" you asked, actually confused with the fest's program.

"Would you allow me to take you out for ice cream first?"

YOU FROZE like literally, you thought that wOW the balls this man has.

"Is thE park jongseong asking me on a date?"

"Yes actually", he started while driving to your favorite ice cream shop, "I've liked you for the last 10 months, didn't say it for the 'famous reason' , I thought you'd reject me and I would ruin our friendship."

"Why would you think I'd reject you though? Are you that oblivious?" you sighed playfully and continued, "I've liked you for the past 10 months too and honestly I thought you knew since I made it kinda obvious?" you finished

"I mean, you were the only one to praise me after every performance and honestly, you were there every night to help me with my lyrics even if sometimes, I had finished writing" he admitted

"So is that a 'yes y/n, I'll be your boyfriend and take you to an ice cream date'?" tou asked while laughing softly, honestly loving the atmosphere that had been created in that very car.

"Well, yes y/n I'm officially asking you to become my girlfriend and let me take you on an ice cream date" he said while laughing and trying to look at you from the side of his eye.

"Well, jay, I officially accept you as my boyfriend and I'll let you take me on a date" you said trying not to laugh.

"You literally have no idea how happy I am right now, LIKE LITERALLY, I could fly if you asked me to" he said while he put a big smile on his face. It was a smile of pure happiness, he looked genuinely happy and enthusiastic, excited even. You were honestly fascinated by the look on his face right now so you opened your phone's camera and quickly took a photo of him.

"Oh believe me, I can imagine how happy you are" you were feeling ecstatic like you could snap your fingers and make a rainbow

"Tell me you didn't just take a photo of me" he said sarcastically and you responded, "This is our first memory as a couple jay!!"

After that, a thought popped in your brain.

"Did heesung really cancel practice or did you make him cancel to ask me out?" you asked but he didn't answer, instead he muttered a

"You're too cute for this world, oh god" and pulled over next to the ice cream shop, ready to share some pistachio flavored ice cream with one of his favorite people on this world, you.

[liam-the-dilly]

Oh boy, here’s a long one...featuring my Monster Prom/Castlevania crossover OC, Harold Belmont!

 Zoe: I haven’t even...y’know, I haven’t even been in a restaurant now for what feels like ages... Harold: Do they still exist? Zoe: But I would be willing to go into one and get stabbed. Like, if that was the tradeoff. Harold: Nah, I’m gonna say no to that. That’s on you. Zoe: Like, if there was a restaurant that...Harold, what’s your favorite thing to eat? That’s a good question. Harold: Steak. Zoe: Okay, let me paint a picture for ya. Harold: Alright, paint me a picture at a steakhouse. Zoe: Okay. The finest steakhouse; white linen tablecloths. Harold: That’s a bad idea at a steakhouse, but yes. Zoe: Well, it’s fancy, Harold. It’s fancy; there’s someone playing classical piano and then also...for some reason, also a harp. And the one guy is playing both. He’s extremely talented. Oz: I was about to say; Both at the same time? Harold: That’s very talented; I can see why people wanna go to this fancy steakhouse. Damien: Hold on, I need clarity here: how? How exactly is he playing? Zoe: The harp is with his feet. Harold: You need to keep painting this picture, Zoe; we’re not done painting the picture. Zoe: So, Harold, you walk through, and they take your coat because you’re wearing a coat, you come through the door, they seat you. It’s a - it’s a beautiful restaurant, they have the finest of everything, even down to the silverware; it’s...strangely heavy. You ever been to a restaurant where you pick up a fork and you go “That’s oddly heavy?” Harold: Yeah, it’s usually a steakhouse. Zoe: *laughs* Well, guess what? That’s where you’re at. And the one thing...when you walk through the front door, is they say, “Hey, we have the technology in this steakhouse...there is a scientifically proven 0% chance that you can contract the virus here. Everything is completely safe.” And they have a board of scientists that just stand in the corner and nod, so you know it’s very official. You go in, you order your food, you’re eating your meal, and halfway through, they stab you. BUT THE MEAL IS GREAT, HAROLD. Like, does that not sound appealing? Harold: NO! No, it doesn’t! Zoe: And the stabbing would be brief. It would be very brief. The meal is also free. Harold: That does not make up for being stabbed! Damien: Hold on, there’s a few factors we need to go through. Harold: A FEW?! Damien: Yes. “How big is the knife?” “How deep is the wound?” “How long are you being stabbed for?” “Do you survive the stabbing?” These are all very important things here. Harold: Okay, the last one, I’ll give you, but I feel like if someone told you, “Alright, I’ll give you the best night of your life, but at the end of the day, you’re getting stabbed; I’m not gonna tell you how you’re getting stabbed or by what; you’re just gonna get stabbed,” you’re not gonna be like, “Mmm, nooo, I’m good?” Zoe: Well... Damien: Gotta ask for details. Harold: Are you thinking they’re just gonna stab you with, like, a popsicle or something here? Like, no. Damien: Look, Zoe. Human beings are very...what’s the word I’m lookin’ for...resilient. Oz: Not against a knife! Like, what the frick are you talking about? Harold: I don’t think I’m knifeproof, basically. Zoe: Well, Damien wants in on the details... Damien: And one other thing: how quickly do you get from getting stabbed to, like, being in the paramedic’s? Zoe: Listen, this is all stuff that we thought of here at Outback Stabhouse, and while you’re here eating...uh...you will be able to choose your level of stabbing, because it correlates to the meal that you decide on. Oz: So it’s like “Rare to well-done, how much do you wanna get stabbed?” Harold: Who thought was a good-WHO PAID FOR THIS COMPANY TO EXIST?! Zoe: I’m just saying... Damien: Wait, no, that’s brilliant. Harold: WHAT?! Damien: It’s a brilliant business model; the people don’t pay for the meal...the people paying are the people that’re gonna stab the people that’re eating the meal! Oz: So this is like a hostile situation then? Zoe: I’m just sayin’, if you come in and you want the 50-ounce porterhouse, it’s gonna be a pretty deep stab. Harold: NO! NO!!! *Oz and Damien start cracking up* Zoe: If you’re just trying to get an 8-ounce sirloin, Harold, you need to get over this whole stabbing thing; you haven’t been in a restaurant in months! A little stabbing ain’t gonna hurt ya! Harold: YES, IT WILL! IT’S A STABBING! Oz: Zoe, what the frick? Damien: Also, do you know about the stabbing beforehand? I’m assuming this place would garner a reputation very quickly. Harold: I would say so. Zoe: Well, yeah! You would know about the sta-! They’re not gonna surprise stab you! IT’S ON THE MENU. Harold: So what you’re saying is, everyone who goes to this place is an idiot? Zoe: IT’S FREE MEAT, HAROLD! Oz: Wait, Zoe, I have a very important question to ask you. Are the hash browns free? Zoe: Oh, they don’t serve hash browns there; that’s a ridiculous question, Oz. Damien: The place is way too high-end for that; the closest thing you’re getting to that are gourmet mashed potatoes. Or au gratin. Oz: Bro, I will take gourmet mashed potatoes any day. I could eat, like, a pound of mashed potatoes in one sitting. Don’t even try me. Damien: So here’s what I’m thinking as well with the stabbing: You have the menu, you’ve got the menu in front of you. It lists, like, all the things in front there. Instead of a price, it tells you, like, the...in detail how you’re gonna get stabbed. If you eat that. Harold: How is this business model viable? Why are people agreeing to show up and get stabbed? Zoe: BECAUSE, HAROLD, THERE’S A LOT OF PLACES WHERE YOU CAN RECEIVE A STABBING AT VARIOUS DEPTHS, AND IT’S OKAY. Damien: And you’re paying for the food at those. Zoe: Yeah. Oz: Like a hospital? Harold: Yeah, like, am I stabbing myself with my fork by accident? What’s going on here? Zoe: Also, I have to at least point out that Polly wrote in the chat, “No rules, just stabbings.” And I really love it. I had to include that in Outback Stabhouse.