#so why do i get so much fomo about them lol

[rae-gar-targaryen]

Oh boy Golden Globes time! what Tik Toker got invited this time?

I truly couldn't tell you. I don't know any of them... I was just out there for my boy AG and the TGM cast (okay, mostly Danny...). They're really inviting tik tok ppl to awards shows??

[xxsugarbonesxx]

Mi Valentín

Tags: full nelson, butt job, head (m receiving), fingering, hand job, groping, something about free use??? semi public sex porn WITH plot

no use of y/n afab!reader, reader has a fattie sorry but i don't make the rules 😮‍💨😔

TW!!! I am NOT a writer!! This is just something I do for funsies so don't expect much lol

She’s a beefy one so buckle up

Valentine's day is your absolute favorite holiday. A whole mushy gushy day dedicated to showing your significant other, or your friends or yourself to how much you love them and appreciate them. An excuse to dress up and go out, excessive chocolate consumption and give gifts. But, unfortunately, your beloved husband thought otherwise.  

He never liked Valentine's Day, and he had thousands of excuses too. “Why is one day out of the whole year meant to show your love when I do it all year long?” Miguel said, rolling his eyes as he chopped vegetables for dinner. It’s not like he didn’t spoil you on Valentine's day, he always took you out to a nice restaurant for dinner and got you some gifts. But he was missing the whole entire point!

“Drop it amor, I’m plenty romantic as is. Remember when I took you out to that hotel and we spent the night away from the kids?” Miguel asked, his go to excuse when you brought this topic up. He turned to face you, one hand on the counter and the other holding the knife. He had an apron on, with ‘Milfin’ Ain’t Easy’ printed on the chest. You decided it was best not to question, said apron and moved on.

“But Miggy, it’s my favorite holiday. Can’t you not be so cynical for one in your life and humor that your wife enjoys something?” You said, crossing your arms under your chest. He just snorted and continued with his cooking, you scrunch your face and turn your heel, deciding you're not gonna give him the satisfaction of your presence, you leave to go find something to keep yourself occupied or just pout while you wait for dinner.

“You know it’s a dumb holiday, mi vida. It’s like how birthdays were invented by greeting card companies to make more money.” Miguel teased as he sat down in bed next to you after dinner.

You frown and roll on your side with your back facing him to let him know how upset you are with him. He sighed and chuckled, he cuddled up against you so he was big spooning you. He ran his calloused palm over your bare leg. “Don’t be like that, mamás. You know I love you, but I just can’t get behind a holiday that’s supposed to be about showing love since I already do that everyday for you,” He pouted, kissing your cheek and patting your butt.

You sighed and sat up, “Okay, you know what. You’re right, you already do so much for me. I guess it’s a little selfish to ask for more. I just get jealous sometimes, of all my girlfriends who always talk about their partners and how romantic their Valentine’s Day is…” You admitted, it sounded silly when you say it out loud. It embarrassed you, you have an amazing husband who gave you two beautiful daughters and here you are, ungrateful all because of FOMO. 

“It’s alright, I know what you mean…but let’s not focus on that. I promised we’d never go to bed mad at each other. And we’ve had a long day, hmm? How about we get to sleep now? Since we’ve got a big week ahead of us,” Miguel asked, kissing your collarbone, he was such a smooth talker it drove you up the wall sometimes. But you nodded, kissing him back and curling up with him in bed. 

Little did you know he’s been scheming.

One week ‘til V-day.

You let go of the whole Valentine’s Day thing, you were embarrassed about getting so worked up about the situation. You got home late from work, Miguel was already gone to watch Gabriela’s soccer practice and he took the baby with him. You had the whole house to yourself, you sat on the edge of the bed. Sighing as you take off your earrings and heels, you notice something on your nightstand. 

You look to see a fuzzy little lion plushie with a fancy red ribbon tied around his neck. You smiled softly and picked it up, it was soft in your palms and smelt like strawberries. 

It was obvious that it was from Miguel, you set it down on the bed and finished getting out of your work clothes. After a nice shower, you put on some cozy clothes and flop onto the bed. The house was clean and there were no chores to do so you got to relax, you sat in bed watching a movie with your new bed buddy. You hugged it to your chest, breathing in the strawberry scented mane.

Miguel came home with the girls a bit after your movie ended, Gabriela skipped into the house with her baby hairs stuck to her forehead from sweat and the remnants of chocolate ice cream on her cheeks. You usher her into the bathroom for her bath before finding Miguel. You wrap your arms around his neck and stand on the tips of your toes to give him a quick kiss.

“What was that for?” He chuckled, his hand on the small of your back, the baby on his hip.

“Just a kiss, I saw that stuffy.” You smiled and shrugged, looking up at him through your lashes. “I love him, but you didn’t need to get me anything…”

“I know that, I just saw it when I was at the store and thought you’d like it sooo…” He said, his hand snaking up the small of your back to roll his fingers through your hair before pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

“Gracias guapo,” You coo, leaning into him for one more quick kiss before pulling away to give Gabriela her bath.

Five days ‘til V-day.

You and Gabriela sat at the kitchen table while Miguel was at work. With baby Esther on your lap, the three of you were hard at work making Miguel his Valentine’s Day present. Since he was always so low key for the holiday, you would do the same. Opting for something cuter and simple that also included the girls.

You already had a hand print of Miguel’s huge, paw-ish hand from an old craft Gabriela made when she was in kindey. You cut out a nice square of paper around the hand print, you carefully painted your own palm and fingers with a soft pink. You pressed your hand over his painted hand print.

Next was Gabriela, you painted her hand with a slightly darker pink color and pressed it over your hand print once it was dry. Then Esther when Gabriela’s handprint dried, you used a baby safe paint that was a darker pink color then Gabriela’s. You pressed the baby’s palm gently over her sisters. So it was papa Miguel’s big black hand print, your smaller light pink hand print, Gabriela’s little hand and then Esther’s teeny tiny hand.

It was perfect, a cute little card from all his girls for Valentines. You let Gabriela paint a couple pink hearts on it and sign it and it was perfect. You take it to write a lovey dovey message on the back and tuck it away in your nightstand once it was completely dry for the fourteenth.

Three days ‘til V-day. 

You looked awful, you tripped in the snow as you hiked your work parking lot to get to your car in front of your boss. When you finally got up out of the slush, you got your hair caught in a branch. Tangling it with leaves and sticks, finally you got home. 

You trudge up the driveway, it has been snowing and raining all day long. You hated the cold winter weather in Nueva York, you just had to wear heels today as you took big steps over the slush. You finally made it inside the warm apartment, taking a deep breath, your shoulders relaxed. The girls are in the living room watching Bluey with Miguel cooking in the kitchen. You kiss the girl's forehead hello and wobble deeper into the warm kitchen.

“Hey mamás, how—woof, what happened to you?” Miguel half laughed, pulling his oven mitts off his huge hands. Today he’s wearing a green apron with ‘Besame soy Irlandés’ printed on the chest. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” You mumbled, brushing the leaves out of your hair. Your whole front is soaked, there was some sort of ice or snow in your bra and your makeup smeared from crying in your car.

“Oye, poor mami.” He cooed, wrapping his big arms around your waist and hugging you to his chest. He held you tight, kissing the side of your face.

He helped you untangle your hair and get out of your soaked clothes. He drew a warm bath with bath salts and bubbles, he washed your hair for you once you were in the water. His big calloused hands rubbing your shoulders as he pecked your cheek. His chest pressed against your back, his hand snaked down into the water in front of you. He peppered the side of your face with gentle kisses as he gently rubbed your core with his pointer and middle fingers. His wedding ring was cool against your inner thighs, his other hand cupped your left breast. Massaging it softly, his thumb grazing over your perked nipples. 

His other hand cupped your sweet pussy, his fingers dipping in between your soft folds and pushing into your wet hole. “My poor girl, I’m sorry your day sucked.” He whispered into the shell of your ear, you bit down onto your bottom lip. Holding back whines as he gently begins to pump his fingers slowly, your hands find the edges of the bathtub to grip. Your head rolls back, your eyes shut as a little gasp escapes your soft lips. He smiled into the dip of your neck, still playing with your tits.

His surprisingly tender lips graze up over your neck for an open mouth kiss, catching your wines and huffs in his mouth. You feel his lips twitch into a little smirk, that smug bastard is always so proud of himself. He pulled away, you whined from the emptiness that filled your soft walls now that he took his fingers out, but you immediately perked up when you heard him take his belt off from the loops. 

Miguel stood up and over to the side of the tub, he slipped his semi hard cock from his boxers. He looked down at you as he pumped his huge hand over his girth, he held you face with his other hand, his thumb rubbing back and forth on your bottom lip. His way of silently telling you to ‘open’.

You obediently part your pretty lips, he slapped his red tip onto your tongue. He was now fully hard, his cock was perfect. His member is a little darker than his brown skinned body, at least eight to eight and a half inches long. Maybe even ten on a really good day. It was girthy too, with a fat vein on the side of it, it curved up slightly, his groin perfectly shaven besides the happy trail over the base of his length. His balls were heavy, you took him in your mouth. Since he was so big, you always struggled to take him completely. 

You manage to get a good four inches in and start to bob your head, you look up at him through your lashes. It hasn't even been in you long, but you were already cock drunk. He instinctively began to roll his hips into your jaw, the bathroom filled with lewd squelching, moans, and groans. You gag and your eyes roll back.

Just when things started to get good, the baby screeched downstairs in the living room. Miguel sighed and threw his head back dramatically, he pulled away and pulled his slacks back up

over his hips. You frown and pout, he chuckles and bends down to kiss your forehead. “Lo siento, mi corazón…” He muttered, pulling away to get back downstairs to make sure the girls didn’t kill each other. 

You groan a little and sink a little deeper into the warm water.

One day ‘til V-day.

You had actually forgotten all about Valentine’s Day. The girls and work had made you forget all about it. You were sitting at your desk at work, typing and scribbling down notes for later when one of your colleagues told you that there was something at the front desk for you. Curious, you go to check on whatever goodie or package was delivered to you. You never get these sorts of things, you couldn't help but be excited as all the possibilities ran through your head. What the receptionist handed you was better than anything you could have imagined.

The front desk person handed you ramo buchon. One hundred pink and white roses were arranged and wrapped, surrounded by matching pink and white baby’s breath blooms tied together by a ribbon. A little white teddy bear with a ribbon and tag sat in the center of the buchon, the tag signed by your secret admirer. It didn’t take long to figure out who said secret admirer was, since it was Miguel’s handwriting. 

You looked at the gorgeous flowers for the majority of your shift, making sure to send Miguel a little ‘I love you’ text to show your appreciation. Even though he played dumb when you got home, insisting that it wasn’t him and someone else must have sent it. He hugged you tight, muttering under his breath how he’s gonna teach that ‘son of a glitch’ a lesson for daring to make a move on his woman when he finds out who sent it to you. Though you could hear the smile in his voice. 

“When I find them, I’ll teach them a lesson they soon won’t forget for thinking he can just make a move on my woman and get away with it.” Miguel scoffed, kissing the crown of your head. “I’ll kill him dead,” He said when you chuckled.

“You hear me, mariposa? There are some things as a man I simply cannot stand for. And when another man thinks he can have what's mine. And you are mine.” He continued, his forehead pressed against yours as he spoke. “My woman, my baby mama, mine mine mine.”

He repeated that mantra throughout the night, you curled up against him in bed. Him kissing your forehead with his hands rubbing your sides. Going up and down the dips and valleys of your body. You couldn’t help but smile, your face pressed against his neck. “My sweet mujer,” He sighed dreamily. Peppering your pretty face with gentle kisses. 

“Did you like the buchon though?” He asked between smooches. You couldn’t help but giggle, squeezing your dear husband's hand gently and nodded. Your legs tangling with his, the blankets pulled up over to their shoulders. It was nice and cozy in their little blanket cocoon. Miguel needed a weighted blanket in the winters, that coupled with the fuzzy white tiger blanket on top of it made you both nice and warm. 

“Sí, sí. Ellos tienen buen gusto,” You reassure him with a smile and a peck on the cheek. He looked satisfied with that answer. 

Valentine’s Day. 

You woke up snuggled up in the warm bed with Miguel. His alarm went off weirdly early, you blinked, your eyes crusty in the morning, yawning and stretching your arms over your head. Miguel stirred as you sat up, his hands over your lap, you arch your back to stretch. His almond eyes slowly opened and glanced up at you. He smiled into your waist but didn’t move, his morning wood pressing into your plush thigh.

You look down at his hidden face then down into his lap. You smile to yourself and lay back down next to him, your hand snaking down underneath the covers. Already thinking up so many naughty thoughts, tracing down his tummy, following his happy trail, your fingertips teasing the waistband of his sweatpants. He grunted a little as you gently began to stroke his length. You squeezed gently, creating a delicious pressure. 

He finally ‘woke up’, grumbling into the crook of your neck. Rolling his hips back and forth into your hand. You chuckled, looking back over him. You press a little kiss to his nose, “good morning, quapo.” You purr into his ear. This was his favorite way of waking up, your hands on his body. Whether you stroked or sucked, his eyes rolled back and toes curled before waking. 

“Good morning, mariposa, you slept well?” He muttered into your neck, his hand over your chest. He kneaded your pretty tits in his big hands and sighed dreamily.

“I did,” You answer, you roll your palm over his angry red tip. Pearly beads of pre cum dribble out of the head onto your hand. You scoop it up in your fingers, pulling your hand away to taste it. His cum was sweet with a bit of salty, you loved the feeling of his warm seed on your tongue. And he loved seeing you enjoy it, he watched your lap up his pre, a smug look on his handsome face as you swallowed.

Just when you reached to finish the job, he sat up. His erect cock twitching right in front of your face, you were mesmerized. Jesus, you were just a simp. “Gabri could just walk i-” You started, he was already reaching to lock your bedroom door. He grabbed you by your waist and flipped you onto your stomach. He reaches into his nightstand drawer to grab something. You look over your shoulder as he ripped your pajama shorts and panties off your body, making you giggle.

He drizzled massage oil on your bare ass, his calloused palms ran over your buttcheeks. You buried your face into the pillows, giggling like a giddy schoolgirl to yourself. He pressed his nose into your hair, breathing in your shampoo, letting out a shuddering sigh, he sat back up on his knees behind you.

He dipped his ring and middle finger between your plush inner thighs, spreading the warm oil over your already wet pussy lips. You shiver but stay as still as possible for him, he bent over your pretty body. Pressing kisses onto your lower back. Muttering to himself as his fingers slip into your slits folds, your velvet walls clenching his long digits. You whine and cuss under your breath as he makes a scissoring motion with his fingers.

“Relax, mamás, can’t have you clenching my dick off.” He chuckled breathily in your ear, making you groan a little. You did your best not to clench on his fingers so hard, you rolled your shoulders and breathed deeply. Burying your face into the silky pillows, you whine as he begins to rock you by pumping his fingers into your weeping hole. Your breath shudders as his free hand down your back to asscheeks, squeezing gently and smacking to make you squeal.

“Oye,” You hiss, looking back at him over your shoulder, furrowing your eyebrows. He snickered like a kid and went back to pumping fingers. It didn’t take long till your orgasm, it never took Miguel too long to get you to cum. Your nectar pooled in his palm, he smirked proudly, licking

your cum off his hand. You whimper in shame, hiding your red face in the pillows. He chuckled cruelly before slapping his now fully erect member over your thick ass. You squeak as you watch his big hands grab the headboard above you and he begins to hump like a bitch in heat.

He sat on your calves on his knees, his thighs on either side of your hips. The massage oil acts as a lubricant for him to slide his fat cock between your buttcheeks easier. You whine into the pillows, your shoulders hunching and back arching. 

You let out a soft moan as his shaft dragged over your holes over and over again, making you shiver in pleasure. He let out a soft, satisfied sigh as he took you from behind. You just knew that the smug bastard had a satisfied look plastered all over his face as he humped, spanked and slapped your poor, poor, red ass. 

He grabbed and groped, before pulling off of you completely. Miguel took his shaft in his paw-ish hand, dragging his leaking tip to your weeping entrance. 

“Miggy…” You whine, it's been too long since you’ve had him all to yourself. Whether it be your respective jobs, family and taking care of two kids under ten. You miss the feeling of him stretching you out, you miss the burn. You missed him making it hard for you to walk the next day, and him eating you out like a starved man, repeating the phrase ‘I’m sorry,’ over and over again as an apology as he palmed his dick.

You missed the burn and the after care and him making you breakfast for you afterwards. His cock slipped inside, not even three inches at first just to get you ready. His fingers stretched you out best he could, but he was getting impatient, and he needed to feel his pretty girl. His hands drifted off the headboard to either side of your head on the bed. 

Sloooowly, he pushes deeper, you choke back all your noises. You look over at the nightstand on Miguel's side of the bed at the alarm clock, because you apparently married an old man. It was a little after five in the morning, he usually sets his alarm for six, that smug bastard set it early to squeeze a Valentines day quickie before work.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the plap plap plap of his hips hitting your ass and his tip kissing your cervix and the low creaks of your shared mattress. You slap your hand over your mouth, his big hands tighten around the sheets he was clenching. The massage oil and both of your sweat rolled off of eachother, pooling on the bed below you, but you’re too full to care. His length filled you up so good, that you couldn’t think to care about the fact you’re ruining your sheets.

“Yes…” You whine, your shaky hands clinging to the sheets as he pounds into you.

Miguel laid his body over yours as he slowly bucked into you, you almost preferred it when he was pounding into your poor, abused pussy since then he wasn’t torturing you with slow, agonizing strokes. His lips pressed into your ear, his eyes glazed over as he grunted and huffed into the shell of your ear, you loved how vocal he was. How he’d react to your body, how'd he moan and praise you. 

His arm slithered under your neck, pressing you into a headlock as he rutted against your soft walls. His nose buried into your hair, breathing in your cocoa butter shampoo. He tightened his grip on you until your cheek was pressed up against his bicep, his sweat, musk and the remnants of his cologne from yesterday made you slick. 

A knot formed in the pit of your belly, his pre mixed with the oils and your slick, coating the sheets with liquids. You really should have put a towel down…-

“So wet, you like that, don't you?" He growled, his voice deep and husky as he took you from behind. He couldn't resist, he couldn't fight it. He was under your control, he was yours to do with as you pleased. He always portrayed himself as the head of the household, el jefe, but it was a different story once the girls were in bed and the door was locked. He was still very much the dominant, though your pleasure was his priority. He wanted you to be pleased and happy with him above anything else.

“Mhm…feels, fuck, so good…” You mewl, your hips swaying side to side as he slowly rolled his hips into you, your warm walls clenching him. He pulled out until only his tip was in, before pounding back in. Your sweet nectar flowed from your core, you writhed and silently screamed into the pillows. Miguel kept rutting before quickly pulling out, his hot cum spilling down the small of your back.

He let out a satisfied sigh and flopped down on the bed next to you. The giant laid face down next to you, groaning. 

“Jesus, you’re not that old.” You choke out after a minute of basking in each other's sweaty afterglow. “You’re fine,” You grumble, nudging his calf with your foot.

“I’m just warming down, gimme a minute.” He gruffed, tilting his head to stick his tongue out at you and scrunching his nose. “Bleh,”

“Oh my god, you’re just like Gabriela.” You snicker, rolling on your back to stretch, and looking over his body. Miguel was on his stomach, one of his long legs off the bed as he pressed his face into his pillow. You can’t help but look at him with disgust.

“You have a ridiculously nice ass for a man.” You pout.

“Don’t be jelly,” he scoffed playfully.

“Did Gabriela teach you that word?”

“What, ‘jelly’?” He asked and you nod. “Oh please, I’m well educated in the field of slang. I know about what the kids are saying, ‘on fleek’, ‘yeet’, ‘lit’, you name it. You married a very educated man, lucky you~”

“I’ve never heard anyone say that in literal years…”

“Who?”

“Hmm?”

“Asked.” He said proudly, you let out a groan. This was just middle school all over again.

“Okay, okay, I’m done now, mariposa. I promise.” Miguel giggled, grunting a little before rolling onto his back next to you. He snakes a big hand over you and pulls you atop of him. 

“This is disgusting,” 

“I didn’t even-!” “The sheets, and us. I should get in the shower…” You grumbled, he wrapped his hands around your waist, pulling you back down to him as you sat up. Your cheek smushed up to his firm pecs. 

“Two more minutes,” He promised, patting your sticky back.

You’ve been getting ready for what felt like hours, your makeup, shoes, hair, jewelry, clothes, accessories. Maybe you were spoiled…sat on the floor of your walk-in closet in nothing but your pretty lingerie, your arms crossed under your chest, you mull over your options for the perfect outfit for your and Miguel’s date tonight.

You check the time on your phone and sigh, deciding to take your chances with that one bodycon cami dress you got months ago. It was cute, I guess. You quickly finish getting ready, your finishing touch being a pretty little necklace with a pendant with the letter M engraved into it. 

The girls were shipped off to your parents house for the night, it was just you two. He cooed and crooned over you, showering you with gifts and peppering your pretty face with kisses. Making your face a little red from his stubble brushing over your cheeks, he booked a nice restaurant nearby for the two of you and came back home for Valentine's Day sex.

After years of marriage and having kids, of course things would often fall into a routine. But after all his gifts and gushing, maybe things won't be so uniform tonight.

The dinner was fine…your alfredo pasta was good so far, and the wine was nice. But Miguel was acting strange ever since you woke him up. He's been red in the face and nervous, which was weird since he was usually so confident and outspoken. 

He was complaining about the wine being expensive, you look up from your pasta to count his forehead creases. 

“It’s like I have to hunt a waiter down for a bottle of wine, wine that's nearly two-hundred dollars. Ridiculous…” He grumbled, you can’t help but roll your eyes as he obnoxiously waved at a waiter. 

“Miggy, please stop. You’re acting like my mother.” You mumble after he spoke to the waiter, you watch the poor twenty something year old disappear into the kitchen to get that bottle.

“Oh please, even I wouldn’t stoop that low.” Miguel scoffed, poking his food with the prongs of his fork like Gabriela did when she didn’t want to eat her dinner and she’d stall for sympathy. You tried making conversation, when that doesn’t really seem to work, something more devious appears in your smile as a sudden idea comes to mind. 

Of course, you’d know how to get him to relax. You prided yourself with that, so you set your little plan to action. You make sure no one in the restaurant was looking in your general direction, you pick up your salad fork, a type fork you may have used twice in your life, and drop it on the fancy dark wood floors of the restaurant. Which, in turn, makes the most loud and annoying ‘ting’ sound, Miguel gives you a look as you freeze. 

“Gosh, clumsy me~” You quickly reassess, making sure no one is looking, you duck to your knees to pick up the fork that somehow got almost completely under the table. It was one of those circular tables with a long red cloth draped on it to the floor. You sneak underneath without anyone suspecting a th-

“What are you doing?” Miguel calmly asks, though you can tell by his tone he’s the human equivalent to a donkey on the edge.

“I’m grabbing my fork,” You answer, though you have passed the fork, crawling on your hands and knees, you make a beeline to your manspreading husband. You rest your chin on the edge of the chair, pressing your soft lips for a fat kiss on his bulge. He jolts when you do, his hands flying to cover his crotch.

“A-amor!” Miguel yelped, his knees hitting the table. Making his wine glass fall, he quickly moved to pick it back up. Giving you just enough time to sloppily unbuckle his belt and pull his slacks down just enough to pull his semi-hard cock out, the table cloth covering his lap up. You smile to yourself before licking your palms to stroke him with both your hands. 

Once he was completely hard in your soft hands, you took his tip in your mouth. Kitten licking it as you stroked with one hand and kneaded his balls with the other. He was trying (and failing) to mask his whimpers and squeaks by sipping his wine. 

“So pretty~” You cooed, slapping his fat cock over your tongue. His pre dripped down his aching shaft from his slit, which you of course greedily lick up. Every noise Miguel made went straight to your sopping pussy, which you were grinding up and down his dress shoe. He grunted, how rude, you’re polishing his cock and shoes, and he dares to complain?

You take a solid four inches into your mouth, the tip hitting the back of your throat, making you gag. You wish you could look at his pretty face as he groans and grunts, you nod your head, attempting to fit more into your mouth. 

Relaxing your throat, you take a deep breath in through your nose and breath back out slowly before taking him all the way to his base. Your nose nestles into his trimmed pubic hair while your hands snake forward to dip back into his boxers to give his balls a squeeze. Your drool and his pre dripped from your soft lips and down his balls.

Miguel pressed his palm into his lips, his eyes squeezed shut. His free hand on the crown of your head, his fingers tangled with your hair as he guided you. His thighs shuddered, doing everything in his power to not moan loudly in a crowded restaurant on Valentines day. You try to bob your head but he keeps you down on his cock.

He huffed and his hips buckled to push deeper into you, you gag and tears roll down your cheeks. It only took a few more seconds as hot, white ropes shot down your throat and warmed your belly. You swallow quickly, your moans vibrate against him as you ride him through his orgasm. 

Only when you hear that whimper do you finally slide off of him. Your lips leave the tip with a lewd pop. You give his cock a sweet little kiss, you dry your tears and climb back into your seat, placing your fork back on the table where it belongs with a satisfied smile. He wasn’t glaring anymore, he looks much more relaxed now…

Just from the look alone tells you that you’re in for it when you get home. 

Before Miguel could say a thing, the waiter zips back over to the table to come check up on your dinner. He was about to leave when he paused.

“You’ve got some alfredo sauce on your lips, ma’am.” The waiter said, pointing to his own lips. You squeak out a quick ‘oh!’ and dab your lips with your napkin. Wiping off the ‘alfredo sauce’ as the waiter ran off to another table.

“Don’t,” You sighed, Miguel was smirking, resting his head on his palm. He was relaxed now, and was giggly from the alfredo sauce comment.

“I didn’t even say anything~ though you do look cute with alfredo sauce on your lip.” Miguel said sweetly, swirling his wine glass to watch the red liquid slosh in the cup before raising it to his lip to take a sip. His crimson eyes trained on you. Giving you a look that made your previously soaked panties soaking wet and sticking to your cunt.

“Though you are very much still in trouble.”

Your heel made you slip on the icy doorstep, Miguel’s hand on your waist hoisted you upright before you could fall into the snow. “Careful~” He tutted smugly, unlocking the door for you and you rushed inside the warm home. 

Both you and Miguel had been drinking, you from the embarrassing alfredo sauce incident and Miguel because he was trying to loosen up. You’re both tipsy and stumbling into the kitchen, you go to the sink to pour yourself a big glass of water to sober up. Just as you gulp down the last sip, Miguel comes up behind you, his big, calloused hands resting on your shoulders, squeezing gently.

His soft lips find your jaw, he massages your shoulders. The wine made him tipsy and went straight to his dick. Your back pressed against his chest and stomach, your hands on the cool surface of the kitchen counter. Signing softly and nearly letting a moan slip as his hands travel down from your shoulders to rub your clothed breast.

You grip the counter, your shoulders going slack and your back involuntary arching. His thumbs brushing over your hardening nipples, you feel his cock hardening from underneath his slacks as he slowly grinds on you. His lips still on your jaw, the tip of his tongue slipping from his lips to press against your soft skin.

Humping your plump ass and squeezing your plush tits was heaven to Miguel, the only thing missing was his cock buried deep into your gushing cunt. 

Tipsy, he decided that’s what he needed, he wrapped a beefy arm around your waist and hoisted you up over his shoulder. 

“Miguel!” You squealed, kicking your feet as you slowly began to sober up. He didn’t say anything, just grunting and his hand falling from the small of your back to your butt, pinching the fat to tell you to quiet down. He carried you with ease up the stairs, down the hallway to your shared bedroom. 

He wrapped his arms around your thighs and flopped you down on your back onto the blankets and pillows. You landed back with a squeak of the mattress, your legs dangling off the edge as he straddled your his. His lips crashed into yours, his cheeks painted in a pink hue, his big hands ran up and down your sides

You parted your lips, catching your whines and huffs in his mouth as he pressed your beefy body into you. Trapping you to the bed with his hands, he leaned over you, his kisses searing as he held your wrists up over your head to keep you underneath him. 

When he got tipsy, he wouldn’t be bothered by foreplay. He needed to get right to the good part, his kisses got hungrier and needier with every second that passed. His hands rubbed down your sides, sliding your dress off your body. His eyes wandered and quickly widening when he saw your lack of anything under your dress.

You went rogue on him, you ditched your lingerie in the restaurant bathroom, since your panties were soaked and uncomfortable, and because you too wanted to get to the main event as soon as possible~ He stripped and sat down on the edge of the bed with you on his lap in his favorite position, full nelson. Your legs bent up to fold you in half, your knees on either side of your head with his arms bending you back with his fingers locked with each other behind your neck. It was sort of uncomfortable, but the second he moved his hips, you forgot all about it.

He thrusted sloppily into you, you threw you back on his shoulder almost immediately as his tip practically kissed your womb the first thrust. He didn't stretch you out prior, the burn was enough to make you scream. His hips jutted up and down, your ass slapping down against his pelvis. Filling your bedroom with the sweat slaps of skin hitting skin and your lewd moans. 

Your eyes flick up and cross, he’s been at it for hours it feels like when he actually just started.

“Please, Miggy,” You mewled in his ear. He ignored you, peering over your shoulder to watch your pretty titties bounce from how he was rocking you. Miguel looked angry, like he usually did during sex. Grabbing your hair he roughly pulls making your back arch suddenly “Fucking ride it,” he commanded in a harsh tone. 

Feeling him throb in you, you're ready for more, slowly start raising your hips and bringing yourself down the best you could when you squished and bent into the position. You felt the knot in the pit of your tummy tightening as he speared into you, a ring of cream wrapped around the base of his angry, twitching cock.

All night long, the man fucked you like a fleshlight. Making you cry tears of pleasure and scream his name for all your neighbors to hear. Your knot snapped for what felt like the umpteenth time, your orgasm ripped through you in waves. 

That didn’t stop him though, he’s fucking you like he’s trying to mold your gummy walls to fit his, and only his cock. 

Painting your womb white with ribbons of hot cum for the sixth time, he finally let’s go. His hands slightly raised as if admitting defeat as his chest rose and fell. Sweat rolling down his body as you crawl onto the bed to try to cool down. He falls down on his stomach next to you on his side of the bed. 

You poor thing have been put through the wringer, you’ve came too many times to count, been came in too many times to count, cried, screamed and moaned. Your throat and poor, slutty, pussy been played with and fucked ruthlessly. Your eyes are half lidded when Miguel rolled onto his side to face you.

“Amor…?” Miguel whispered, his voice hoarse.

“Hmm?”

“I need to admit something…I sent you the ramo buchon, even though I told you that your secret admirer sent it to you.” He admitted sheepishly, like he was an embarrassed kid owning up to taking a cookie. It made you chuckle sleepily.

“Yeah…I had a hunch,” You smiled, taking his hand in yours and running your thumb over his knuckles. He seems genuinely surprised you knew it was him.

“How…-you know what, never mind, mariposa. Happy Valentine's Day to the loveliest girl in the whole multiverse.” He smiled sweetly, bringing your hand to his lips and kissed it softly. 

“Thank you, mi Valentín.” 

[with-love-from-hell]

Neverending Nights

written for Gn!Mc (you/yours)

genre: hurt/comfort

pairing: Mammon x MC (can be seen as platonic/friendship)

Cw: depression implication, self-loathing, FOMO, rejection sensitivity, reader is gn but coded as shorter than Mammon.

"I sincerely apologize, Mc, but I will have to postpone our date tonight." Lucifer sighed, rubbing his temple. "Diavolo urgently needs me at the castle to review RAD's cost analyses and approve a budget for next quarter- especially considering the cost for repairs has been much more significant this quarter."

"That's ok." You mumble mournfully. "I understand."

Lucifer winces, feeling the disappointment glaring through in your tone of voice. "I do hope you know I will be making this up to you ten fold when I have the opportunity, Mc."

You smile weakly before wishing him luck at his meeting and returning to your room. It didn't hurt- at least, not at first. Lucifer was always busy- it couldn't be helped, after all. Besides, he always made due on his promise to reschedule your quality time together- all the brothers did. They valued your time...right?

"Sorry Mc, I'm at a photoshoot with Devilstyle right now! Talk later, mmkay? <3"

"I'm at a banquet to honor one of my close associates. Maybe tomorrow?"

"MC! I'm currently in line at the music shop on Dogma Street! Surce Frenzy is here signing autographs. Can you believe it?! The line is so long though...I probably wont be back until morning LOL!"

"Fangol practice is running late. I won't be home for awhile..."

"Too...tired..."

Tears begin to well up behind your eyes. Even your friends at Purgatory Hall were all out together at a movie without even thinking to invite you... The breaking point, though, was the fact that Mammon didn't bother to respond to your texts at all.

Your stomach feels heavy as you set your phone to the side. Every rejection from your found family replayed in your head on a loop. Part of you was sure it was a coincidence that they all happened to be too busy for you right now, and that this is just what happens from time to time. Another part of you, though, was reminded of all the other times you were cast aside, ignored, forgotten, and rejected by others.

Your kind weren't exactly cruel to you, but there was a sense of belonging shared amongst humans that you just didn't really feel with very many of them. And part of you was convinced that they felt it too, which is why you often felt left out of...well...everything during your time there, and why the Devildom, and the friends you made here, had felt so much more like home to you.

But now, here you lay- curled into yourself in the corner of your bed. The same hurt from back then worming its way from your stomach, to your heart, and up through your throat. Your entire body felt tight and tense; the only catharsis it allowed was from the shuddered breaths and muffled cries that escaped your lips. Darkness shrouded your vision, not even the light from your phone was enough to permeate it. The blanket you've surrounded yourself with closes further and further in on you, slowly making its way over your face and shielding you from the outside.

Had you done something wrong? Maybe you unintentionally said something insulting about one of them and it spread around the group. Did they all hate you now? Maybe your "new shiny object" charm wore off, and they were bored of you- like when a child gets a bunny for Easter and their parents end up getting rid of it after a month because they lost interest. Or maybe you were never really interesting to begin with. They could have been faking it, just to get on Diavolo's good side. Or maybe they were using you...There definitely was evidence to suggest that could be the case. So they'll come back when they need something again...But maybe they never will? Maybe they'll send you back to the human world and forget all about you...

The thoughts hurled their way through your mind rapidly. Somehow, you managed to sift through what you thought to be the plethora of evidence that supported each one of your theories. It didn't make sense for all of them to be correct of course, but you believed it was more likely than sheer coincidence. How else would it explain why Mammon and Belphie just ignored your messages?

You tighten your grip on the blanket you bundled yourself into, pulling the fabric down over your eyes. The self-deprecation and rejections replayed in your thoughts like a broken record. The inside of your mind was so loud, you barely heard the sound of your door flinging open and slamming against the wall.

...barely.

"Oi, human! I just got back from winnin' big at the Casino. Ya won't believe how much I got this time!" Mammon quipped loudly as he strolled into the dark room. The light from the hall spilled in, illuminating your lumpy figure under the blankets. Mammon cocked his head to the side as he noticed you, fiddling with a small box that he was hiding behind his back.

You don't reply, only curl into yourself further, praying for him to go away. You were certain that he was only here to brag, and hadn't even glanced at the message you sent him about wanting to spend time together. Clearly, the Casino and his greed meant more to him. He was a demon, after all.

"Aye! I'm talking to you, Human! This aint no time to be sleepin'! C'mon!" Mammon paused his movements as he reaches the edge of your bed. His brow now furrowed with a mixture of confusion, irritation, and concern. After you don't respond a second time, his anxiety begins to spike.

"What, are ya sick or somethin'?" Mammon shakes you a little to roughly with one hand, but the action becomes more gentle when he finally hears your sniffling, despite your best attempts to hide it. "Hey...what'sa matter?"

You shake your head enough to where you're sure he can see the movement from beneath the covers, but still say nothing. Mammon's frown deepens on his face, now heavily concerned with whatever had you to the point of tears.

"Did someone..? I swear if anyone dared lay a damn hand on ya, their head would be mounted on The Great Mammon's wall!" He growls protectively. Mammon squeezes your shoulder gently, but is taken aback when you swat his hands away.

"G-go away." You mutter.

Mammon blinks, taking a minute to process what he'd heard you say. "Huh?"

"I said: Go. Away." Your voice is louder as you snap at him, finally revealing your face from underneath the blanket cocoon you had nestled your woe into.

Mammon's eyes widen at the state of your tear-stained face. "Hey now...I ain't goin' anywhere 'til you tell me what's eatin' ya."

You sigh, folding yourself back under the blankets without another word. Mammon stands there, confused, trying to think of what to do. Clearly you weren't going to make him leave, despite saying you wanted to be alone. For a minute he ponders what could have you so upset. After his mind continues to draw blanks, he pulls out his phone, trying to see if you had maybe left any clues in the group chat. After reading through the innumerable messages declining the request to spend time with you and you're dejected "that's ok..." in response, he begins to put the pieces together.

"I'm here now, Mc..." Mammon clears his throat, sitting at the edge of your bed. "So...er...we can hang out, if ya want..."

Again, you don't reply to him. The only thing swimming through your mind now is the pity he must feel for you, seeing you like this. He probably thinks you're pathetic.

Mammon shifts his jaw. He hadn't often seen you in a state like this, but something about being lonely must have set you off. He thinks back to all of the times he himself had been lonely, and everyone else was too busy for him. The difference for him, though, was he found comfort in greed- that was his way of feeling less lonely. The casino, the horse track, and even online gambling dens were crowded with demons. Sure, many of them would roll their eyes at him or make snide remarks when he passed them by, but at least he wasn't alone.

He lets out a sigh, fidgeting with the box in his hand. "I'm sorry Mc. I didn't know you were so lonely. If I woulda known, I'd've come right home and skipped the Casino..." He pauses, glancing at your form that lay hidden underneath the blankets. "..but, I also wouldn't've been able to get ya this."

You barely have time to register what he says before a box is shoved into your face. You blink a few times before carefully taking it out of his hands. You swipe the blankets away from your face, taking the chance to study Mammon's intentions. You were surprised again to see him blushing, now turning his head away from you. With an uncertain breath, you open the box. A small gasp escapes your lips, and you snap your attention back to Mammon, who's blush seemed to have spread to his ears.

Inside the box is two sparkly gold necklaces, the heart-shaped pendants appear to be two halves that connect in the center with a magnet, showing that the wearer of each has a "half" of the other person's. "Partners in Crime" is spelled out in black cursive when the pendants are connected to each other. The gift seems befitting of a pair of middle schoolers who labeled each other as best-friends.

But as juvenile as the gift was in theory, you couldn't help but smile. "Thank you, Mammon...this is very sweet."

"Yeah, yeah..." Mammon cleared his throat, trying to hid the reddness deepening on his cheeks. "I- uh- just got it so that other demons wouldn't mess with ya, not cuz I got a crush on ya or somethin'... If they see us wearin' the same necklace, they'll know you belong to the Great Mammon!"

For some reason, the comment doesn't phase you. If he'd said something like that 10 minutes ago, you would have been convinced he wanted nothing to do with you, but the gesture of the gift and the adorable flustered state he was in was proof enough that he cared about you...so much so that he went out of his way to pick up a good quality set of jewelry for you both to wear together with his winnings from his gambling. Instead of acknowledging his words, you hug him tightly.

"I...uh..." Mammon interrupted your thoughts, looking down at you with a sheepish smile on his face. "I still got some money left over from my winnings...did ya wanna order a pizza and watch some movies? I ain't got anythin' to do for the rest of the night and-"

"That sounds perfect." You smile warmly up at him. "Thank you."

Mammon finally returns your hug, squeezing you tightly. "Good. You ain't goin' anywhere cuz I got ya all to myself now, ya got that?! And...no more cryin' like that either...The Great Mammon's gonna make all yer problems go away!!"

You let out a small laugh, nuzzling into his chest. "Sure, Mammon..Sure."

[silversiren1101]

I do understand people are allowed be upset with DD2 but it gets really frustrating when people point to things that aren’t even true about the game. It’s one thing when a game is designed maliciously to use and abuse players like a gacha game, games that rely on fomo, or are pay to make a game playable. But DD2 is not. It was always made to have certain design choices. Which people can dislike but also existed in DD1 at launch. The micro transactions don’t ’improve’ the experience. The micro transactions are NOT about grinding. The intended experience of the game is it without micro transactions and the game is NOT interested in making you buy them.

I wasn't going to answer this because things are already starting to settle with the amount of articles coming out clarifying the situation (that all the things are easily obtained in game nor is the game designed to be harder to make the mtx more desirable - it's not that's just how DD is)

Ultimately how I feel is:

-It's a single player game. The only person being 'cheated' by buying those items is the person that bought it. If other people want to buy it, it did not effect you. It's not like buying better weapons or power-ups in a competitive game, where $$$ gives you an advantage over other players. It's just you in your box, and them in their box. It's also not gacha mechanics - you're getting exactly what you pay for. I got every single unique blade in XC2 without buying a single core crystal pack. I've been in those mines before.

-I don't necessarily object to ease-of-play microtransactions in single-player-games. It's for the lazy or the busy. It's not some penalty on 'the poor', because the game isn't designed to push you toward buying them. If some guy out there can only play a few hours of video games a week because they're a parent or work so much and wants to fork over a whopping two or three whole dollars to maximize their play time then whatever. That doesn't affect me.

-I think a lot of the loudest voices are people that didn't actually play DD1. The complaints I'm hearing with regards to "locking fast travel behind pay wall" tells me what I need to know about that, lol. Or, they don't actually like "obtuse fantasy roleplaying games with a purposeful lack of modern 'qol' features as a conscious design choice" as they say or think they do. Not to mention DD1 launched with dlc/mtx ON THE DISK. Now that was heinous! I do think it's funny the sequel is launching with near the exact same reception as the first though, lol.

Things that people SHOULD be focusing on as real actual issues with the game:

-The poor optimization. It's dogshit on PCs. Inexcusable. The main reason I haven't bought the game yet and why I probably won't for a few months.

-The design choice to not let you easily restart. This is a complicated issue, because it's clear at this point this was a purposeful design choice and I get why: DD is all about making you live with your decisions and failures. It's VERY anti save-scumming, and now it's 'evolved' to "play the game straight through." A lot of people don't like this, and I totally understand, but consider there is another matter with this though that i don't think people are considering is the pawn system. Such a core system of the game relies on the exchange of player-tied companions that grow in power based on how many people they're passed around to and their owners. It's an amazing system that's universally beloved... but as for what exactly happens when the owner of a pawn is deleted or a pawn that's with someone that deletes? 😬 Do they keep all their progress? Items? Does it go away? Capcom has already said they're working on adding an easy way to Restart, but I believe it was in the works already for the future. They probably wanted to limit the amount of restarts in these crucial early days so that a big library of pawns can healthily develop. Not an issue further into the game's lifecycle.

[blockgamepirate]

If I'm entirely honest, even if I get that all fandoms love angst, I find it kinda tiring, especially when it comes to MCRP, because I got into MCRP partly to get away from the angsty shit. And that's still what I tend to want from it, and it feels like the perfect medium for more lighthearted and tongue-in-cheek stuff, because it's so inherently goofy lbr, but I guess people just love angst so much that they just gotta make everything about the angst

Not that I can't appreciate the angst too, sometimes, but there's been so much of it on QSMP lately. This is what frustrated me about DSMP too, when it just kept getting angstier and angstier and bleaker and bleaker...

I mean it's not that I think ALL MCRP has to be lighthearted, I would never wanna arbitrarily limit any medium like that, it's mostly just me being frustrated with the general tendency where I get into some series because it's funny and lighthearted but also has a cool story going on, and then inevitably it ALWAYS seems to get super angsty and often lose the things that made it appealing to me in the first place. I used to get this a lot with webcomics and now I'm getting it with MCRP

Jungryeok's introduction yesterday was a breath of fresh air tbh, didn't need to worry about any of the angst for several hours, just people chilling and having fun (even tho I was kind of overwhelmed too lol)

I'd like to enjoy Phil's streams the same way, and he does generally do his best to keep things lighthearted (even when it's his own angst he tends to not take it very seriously), but the angsty storylines keep intruding on his chill vibes too, you can't chill when you know what's actually going on in other POVs

(also the FOMO is too strong, I ended up watching Bagi and Tubbo instead of Phil yesterday because I wanted to know what happened and then I also kept checking in on Bad's POV when I realised he was live etc. I know that's my own fault, I should just not watch them when they're being angsty if I don't want angst but I still care about the characters and the story orz)

(And I want to check the tags on Tumblr and I want to see what other people are posting about QSMP, but the angst is even more impossible to avoid in fandom spaces, also it makes you very conscious about how people feel about Phil and his character so then you're even more stressed out when you watch his streams because any time he says something because he doesn't know any better or because he's assuming that the server is primarily meant for fun and not to be taken overly seriously, you know people are gonna rant about it, and then you have to once again quarantine yourself from the fandom to avoid being annoyed, which is boring)

It's the same problems I had with DSMP...

This is why I should become a Hermitcraft main again tbh

But at the same time I can't get the multilingual experience on Hermitcraft, I remember the other day seeing Iskall and Keralis talk and I found myself wondering for a second why they weren't speaking Swedish to each other (dw I did realise it very quickly lol) because I'd gotten so used to seeing people switching languages based on who they were talking to

The language stuff is 100% what I would miss the most if I dropped QSMP

I mean I would miss the roleplay too, I do enjoy the roleplay. And the eggs. And the characters in general. But yknow, there's other roleplay series out there, the multilingual aspect is harder to find

[clonerightsagenda]

Continuing with HDM season 2!

Episode 5:

She put a seatbelt on her monkey... please Mrs. Coulter give him a little vest like the stylish yet illegal IKEA monkey.

Taking a few swipes at capitalism lmao. Yes money is our church here.

Someone please get Will some ibuprofen. This kid is going through a double amputation on no pain meds.

Boreal left cool steampunk England and painted his new house realtor gray. He doesn't deserve his wealth

Interuniverse artifact smuggling, guess that's one way to make a quick buck

Is it me or are the gateways a bit yonic

Mary is department chair?? Good for her but also no wonder she's so tired. Mrs. C was clearly impressed by that.

It's time for an alternate universe makeover scene! She should hold up various outfits while the golden monkey nods or shakes his head. Loved her pinching the jeans and holding them up like they were a biohazard.

She ditched her daemon again and claims it's about self-control. Guess we're going with the 'more people who are alienated from themselves can separate' sequel lore.

Ouch re: Mary asking about her doctorate and publications and Mrs. Coulter BSOD'ing realizing she could have been so much more in a world with slightly less structural misogyny. FOMO moment.

Mary attempting to google her, haha

The Shadows didn't tell Mary to smash up her computer! Guess she won't be wanted by the police in the TV version. That makes her postcanon life a little easier. Also she has a really nice house for a professor in a struggling department.

Everyone keeps fucking with Boreal's statues. I almost feel bad for him.

Episode 6:

Brief hint of the angels protecting Mary! Makes sense, it's never clear how she's defended from specters. Also lol at Mary's reaction to Angelica going "we tried to kill Lyra". The show's portraying her a little more sympathetically, especially as the mob violence scene was a lot shorter.

I would be very uncomfortable with a bunch of strange women doing interpretive dance over me. Sorry the healing spell is so much weirder in the tv version Will.

Pan is leaning against his shoulder! Guess it's ok because he's wearing a shirt.

Mrs. Coulter seeing someone who got their soul devoured: I could use this

Love Lord Boreal quietly shutting the door and hiding while she confronts the specters

"If we die, we're of no help" want to bet, two characters who will show up as helpful ghosts later

So we're tying Mrs. Coulter's power over the specters to her separation ability/ability to suppress parts of herself. I guess that's also the angle we'll be taking when she cons Metatron. Yes I accidentally typed angel instead of angle at first. Then I did it again.

Getting poisoned sucks, Boreal, but look at it this way. She could've sicced the specters on you. This way is kinder.

John Parry can psychically command birds. Why? IDK man he just can. Don't worry about it.

[neilwroteathing]

I wanna ramble about my TADC OC bc god damn I'm seeing too many lovely ones and I get FOMO.

Sadly I own no references of the character itself but alas, I wanna make use of this blog ahead of time and lay out ideas I've had before writing the main Google Doc of this character as the bio, since I tend to look to solidly form the OC before writing its bio as a sort of 'finalized version'.

I'll be adding pics of things described when needed since it'll be more fun in that way.

Ladies and Gents!

Say hello to my TADC OC:

Timberly, the puppeteer, puppet and ventriloquist!

I'll start off saying that I wanted to make a clown, since I love clowns, but since Pomni is the protagonist and Kaufmo exists as well- So that's off the table. Following those very rules over no clowns I decided to do the same for the general cast, aka to vary and try not to lean too much on just one aspect, so Abstract (Zooble), animals (Jax duh) Animate inanimate (Gangle, Kinger and Ragatha) had to be only minor showings in the OC itself. So I experimented a little

Something suggested by a friend is to look up 90's toys, which I did try out to gather inspiration. At some point I reached the idea of a puppet, a sort of wooden and yarn style of doll that then shifted to actual wood body, yarn joints and lastly strings to hold up.

This is where the main body of the OC would go, Timberly was the name of the puppet, bottom heavy, rough wood shapes and long arms made to imitate something I kind of wanted to have fun with...

This smug fuck, why? His arms! The idea of wide colorful cylinders for arms, connected with strands of yarn in between down to a pair of simple pointed stubs for hands at the ends made me pretty happy to imagine. Timberly's clothing choice is still undefined but would most likely have either a long dress with puffy shoulders or even suspenders! Overall to not interrupt with the colorful segmented arms using sleeves. Hair? Not sure what it'd be like YET but I am working on it, though it might not be yarn so it isn't like Ragatha's.

Timberly as a name comes from Kimberly, but with Timber.

Second part of the character came off due to the idea of the main body being a puppet, and frankly was too amusing of a concept not to include, to which I want to introduce the puppeteer, Hans!

Hans... Is clearly meant to be like Hands, because it is in fact a giant, hovering toony white glove that handles a wood X made to carry around Timberly. Hans is essentially the movement for Timberly, while she is the physical expressions and body function such as touching objects and possessing some of the core senses. Hans is pretty simple in design due to not being the expressive one- try answering the questions:

'How are you?'

'Where does it hurt?' and

'Where is the heart?'

Without using your body EXCEPT your hand. That's Hans, it can do wavy motion to respond the first one but not much else- you don't need a reference to imagine what Hans looks like.

Lastly is one of the more personally formed parts, third "member" of those that form Timberly as a whole: Gogo!

Brandishing the same name as the character, Gogos are made by Panini, cool little plastic collectibles I remember gathering when I was smoler. Yes some of them look quite weird in shape don't ask- But the point is that Gogo is meant to imitate one of these, and Gogos are tiny, like roughly 5-8 cm or so (Look up how much that's in inches lol) and generally had varying designs, from alien to robotic to animal of all sorts. Gogo is mostly a simple big lower base with small middle body and a big head that imitates the look of a simplified Talkboy, all with a robotic appearance.

Now why would Gogo have a head like this? Simple! Gogo is the voice of the group! But since Gogo is quite small (10 cm tall) and usually sits on Timberly's head and speaks for the other two!

Now that we defined who makes up the character, there's one thing I intentionally made in a way, which was having Hans, Timberly and Gogo be almost impossible to tell if they were separate entities or a single one since in their story, all of them arrived together in one go and appeared to fall in love with the Digital Circus itself in mere moments of appearing.

Sometimes they'd behave like three people, with arguments looking like Timberly making annoyed gestures, Hans shaking either of the two and Gogo being vocal and loud- While other times they all act in one way together, Gogo speaking, Timberly gesturing and Hans keeping them on the move if needed.

Who knows what these three are, if not a single mind that fell into what felt like a dreamy blessing, or three individuals shackled to live as one?

First post using this account again, fun stuff, sorry about the text wall but if you did reach this, hope you liked the concept of the character!

I'll uh... Learn how to segment posts better soon.

[bugsbenefit]

Hi I'm the anon that keeps sending you links lol

I understand the writers and Netflix obviously don't wanna the play to be leaked but it makes me so mad at the same time, they made this huge amazing production full of lore and character background and like, only about 10% of fans will ever be able to watch it?? This is so so stupid, now we pretty much have to beg those privilegied people to share anything with us, I'm from the other side of the world, I'll never be able to watch it

i love you and the links anon <3🫂

and agreed it's so frustrating. there really aren't many people that are local or willing/able to travel there just for a one day theater show, so the majority of people will just never have to chance to see it. especially them being so adamant about not professionally filming it is annoying honestly, maybe they'll change their mind in a year or so, but especially with the play "making the s5 experience better" as they claim, it's just so frustrating. tell everyone how cool of an extension it is and then say you definitely won't film it so you "have to go see it in person" -.- some of us can't/don't want to do that, what now

that's part of the reason why i'm not a particular fan of the play as a concept. i would have honestly preferred it if it was just a one off 3 hour episode as an intermission between seasons or something. a show suddenly breaking genre and having a play with relevant lore that only a handful of people will be able to see is... not something i like!

but oh well, at least there's a lot of people trying to get the story together as quickly as possible so it'll only be a matter of time before we get a considerable amount of the play (especially when people will start sneaking pictures at some point as well)

and jumping on your bandwagon and using the opportunity to shit on people that go online after having seen something exclusive acting all holier than thou "it was great and you should have all seen it, anyways, i'll keep the secrets🤭🤫" fuck right offf, i'm finding out what happened in there one way or another stop being coy asjdkfhaskf, i HATE that attitude. either tell me what has you giggling or shut uppp, this is about to trigger fomo lmao

[tekutiger]

For the past week or so, I've been logging in to Disney Dreamlight Valley again (after a 2 month hiatus 😅). They have a "Haunted Holiday Star Path" event going on right now. When it comes to games I genuinely like, I do actually have fomo and I hate it, lol. So, here I am 🙃

I've been playing a bit of catch up. Like, they added Beauty and the Beast! That was my favorite OG Disney movie growing up. And then Mulan came along and I was like !!! Okay now those two are my favorites (because I couldn't decide between the two).

I also finally watched the live action Beauty and the Beast for the first time. It's been out for a while now, I know... I'm just slow when it comes to watching movies or anything on tv. In my opinion it was very well done! I'm not a harsh critic though.

I also watched the live action Little Mermaid and I really loved it. It gave the characters so much more depth, and displayed more marine creatures than I thought they would have. The actors put so much life and emotion into their vocals in their songs, I was very impressed.

And I touch on this a bit below, but being an octo-nerd, there were things about Ursula that they added to the movie, that was not in the original, and I was like holy crap! I wonder how many people are going to catch onto that? It's when she's shuffling through her ingredient cabinets to create one of her concoctions and her 'arms' (she refers to them as 'tentacles', probably because younger audiences will be like ??? if she says arms, but the correct term is actually 'arms'). They are acting independently from her because octopuses have nine brains. One brain in each arm and one in the mantle (head). So each arm thinks for itself. When she says she can't find anything, everything always gets lost, it's probably because her eight arms are putting things back on the shelves however they please and her main-brain (mantle i.e. head) isn't paying attention to keep track of it all 😅

Okay- weird thing that I complain about often to my friends cause we all play this, and unrelated to the live action movie. Eric, in this game, stalks me, and it's flippen weird. I think everyone who plays this has a character that stalks them though, as if it's in the programming and it's RNG of who it is. I say that because I'll go to Twitch and watch it happen to streamers, and they'll make comments about their 'stalker'. It's just somehow my 'stalker' ended up being Eric 🤷🏻‍♀️. For some, it's Kristoff. Others, it's Maui. I dunno... it's weird.

(For the record, I know they're all programmed to come and find you, but I mean- in this case, there's ONE specific character that follows you WAY MORE than usual.)

Anyone who knows me, knows I have this obsession with the Ocean (also space) and octopuses, and jellyfish... hence why I have the Ursula attire (she's the Octo Queen!). Her quest line, should you put out the moonstones and buy her bundle, is worth it imo, but I'm also biased as heck. I just find it ironic that I'm literally dressed like Ursula 2.0 and Eric stalks me more than half the time I'm in-game, lol 😓. The sound of his flute puts me in that state of like 🙀 -startled cat, eyes wide, looking everywhere, ducking behind furniture-

Ariel, go pay more attention to your man plskthx. I will give it to the live action production for the movie. The actor who plays Eric is handsome and plays the role well 👌🏻 (doesn't make me wanna hide any less though in-game 😑)

I totally veered off course of why I'm writing this post. My rambling is getting worse, akjdhjs.

SO. The star path...!

Last year when we got the first Halloween star path, if memory serves, I recall it not having any Tim Burton, The Nightmare Before Christmas items at all and being really bummed out about it. I figured it was because they couldn't get a contract signed, permission, copyright something or other. The game was still very new afterall.

There's a biome in DDLV named the Forgotten Lands and it's mostly purple hues. I knew the aesthetics would be perfect for The Nightmare Before Christmas if I just waited for it... and now this year a handful of items are in the Star Path event. I've been so ready.

Oh, and we also get... !!

😄

With the new items, I totally remodeled my biome. It's looking cute~

Here's some better shots of a couple Nightmare Before Christmas outdoor furniture pieces (just a couple but they're big pieces). The notorious Skellington's Hill and the popular Frightful Fountain. 👇🏻

And the great thing about this game is, we're just going to continue to get even more fun items and grow as the game develops. We also have the Christmas Star path coming up, at some point. Wonder if there's going to be some interesting items in that 🤔

Oh yeah, I got a cutie Pirate Parrot from this Star Path too ❤️

One Final Edit: On Twitter they mentioned that they added an "AUTUMNBUNDLE" code. If you're playing and missed it, you can copy and paste that in for some furniture pieces.

Should be in the Settings menu > Help > Code box (under 'import avatar') > hit 'claim' after typing it in.

[eruverse]

I’m going to rant a bit. About my own people. If I sound like a hater it’s because I am, I deeply curse this specific attitude of my people I’m gonna talk about, I say it’s a loser attitude, no inherent respect from me.

Indonesians are too much of a collective society. They (I say they because I don’t do it personally lol) have no sense of self on their own and only fucking mirror others, which they do to a fault. Everyday I see anonymous confessions in Indo Twitter (a specific Indo thing I heard) about some dumbass asking whether some things are okay to do or not which are actually fucking mundane. Fucker, don’t you have a BRAIN? Why don’t you think for yourself? What’s the point of asking fucking strangers on the internet who don’t even care about you much less know you? It’s of course valid to be anxious sometimes about what people think but Indonesians seem like they will stop at nothing until everyone does things the same way. Are you a Kaiju (Pacific Rim reference) or what? So you want to be in a hive mind? Fucking losers?? What use is the brain inside your skull?

Then of course the moment famous, influential figures come on everyone throws themselves at their feet. Suddenly Indonesians are their most loyal supporters and armies, and suddenly everyone cares about this exact same thing! Fuck, I don’t even know lol whether they sincerely like those figures or if they’re so fucking empty they just want something to fill the void inside the space where their brain is supposed to be. Also it’s some kind of virtue signaling and piggybacking on others’ fame so that they can get some of their own, fuck. Add a faulty dose of FOMO into it ofc.

Like, for God’s sake I want people to think for themselves. A little anxiety over others possibly attacking them is valid ofc, in fact it’s good bc it means ppl are not psycho and are civil. But I’m going to shit on whoever can’t and don’t want to think for themselves. I’m going to shit on whoever doesn’t respect their own selves.

On the other hand, this brainless attitude of my people is how they become powerful. Because they are MANY united into one. Well fuck, in this case Indonesians can either be a force too good to be true or too disastrous I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Indonesians are fucking worst at online bullying maybe there’s another worse than my ppl, but so far I haven’t known lol. On the other side of the spectrum is one person sharing a post about needing donation and just in one hour their target is exceeded by three times.

Either way, I have no inherent respect for this particular trait, but yes it’s a sight to behold at times. Even though I will be part cursing and part looking in astonishment.

[siancore]

Beloved, for the ao3 wrapped…

1. How many words have you written this year?

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

10. What work was the quickest to write?

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

27. What do you listen to while writing?

31. Is it necessary to watch The Walking Dead to read your Richonne? I have fomo but no to zombies and I can’t commit to anything with 11 seasons unless I already started.

20K +

3. Every Little Thing because it's just so painful. It is the saddest, most painful, hurtful thing I have ever written, and it was nice to get it written down to channel my grief.

7. I don't think I used song lyrics this year. Oh wait, maybe something by Ho99o9.

10. It's usually one of the bingo square fills because they don't take a bunch of planning - they're responding to a quick prompt. I'd say it was Seeing the Lights. That one-shot just fell outta me.

16. Sam Wilson Needs a Hug

18. Steve Rogers.

27. I have this playlist I listen to when I'm painting, and I sometimes put it on.

31. Hehe I love that you added your own question to this.

There's a thing we call the Richonne Movie that someone made that's a video all of their scenes put together. We end up losing the link to it every once in a while as a whole fandom, but if I find it, I'll send it to you.

Separately, Rick and Michonne are really cool, interesting characters. Lot of badassery. Lot of trauma. They are literally Enemies (loosely) to Allies to Friends to Lovers. It's fucking incredible to watch, because you get this great love story, between these two hardened warriors, who are literally ONLY SOFT with one another and their kids. This mature relationship built on mutual respect and friendship between people in their 30s/40s and it's set in the Zombie Apocalypse. Like, what? Lol

You can read my stuff without ever watching the show. My favourite character to write is Rick Grimes because he gets away with so much stuff in the Richonne fandom. Seriously. You can have him murder a small village and the fandom's like, "You're doing amazing, sweetie."

There's very specific plot stuff that directly impacts who these characters are, and why it was important for them to end up together. They have never been comic book canon - they were written together in the show because Andrew Lincoln and Danai Gurira had so much great chemistry that the showrunner - who was also still a writer at the time - wrote them together. It was a slow burn, but it was so wonderful when it happened. Anyhoo, I'll shut up now, otherwise I'll be here all day talking about them.

[juliets-roller-derby-awesomeness]

okay actually im just gonna vent, there are triggers in the tags but: negativity on halloween, depression/apathy, slow platonic breakups, autistic sensory meltdowns, fomo, parental issues, wasting time, new girl spoilers

im hiding in my bedroom because i had to load the dishwasher and i hate loading the dishwasher bc of the smell of dish water and the thought of touching food on dishes and andjsjdj i hate it

and my brother invited his friends over and i haven't showered but i also am wearing like a pj shirt and no bra and i don't want to put a bra/binder on because ill just get it dirty bc i have to shower tonight but i don't want them to be weird (my brother is still in high school lol) and i got in a fight with my mom and i spent like 3 hours making cookies and watching new girl and going in the bathroom to hide so i could stim about new girl and it feels like i didn't do anything productive?? or like i wasted a bunch of time??

capitalist brain rot goes crazy

i wanna go out and join but i really don't want to talk to my mom or put a bra on but it's halloween and i had a whole plan about what i was going to do when i was home alone and then i wasn't home alone because my mom got drunk and changed her plans and came home to hand out candy and i spent way too long making cookies bc the butter was frozen and i was watching nick and jess get married

im making cookies for my friend (T) that's been sick for like a week and she hasn't answered any of my texts and we've been growing apart and i hate it so much we were so close last year and now im so damn lonely all the time which is why i was so excited to goof off with my brothers friends tonight but i feel like i blew it

another friend (L) and i had this whole elaborate inside joke about my immortal, we would recite the first chapter to each other and watched strange æons reading of it for 1M subscribers and made ebony in the sims and woohooed her to mortimer goth

and in like may we said we were gonna dress up as ebony and draco for halloween, but then we kinda stopped talking and when i texted her to see if she still wanted to she said idk. so like. then i come to find that she is dating this guy (who's one of our mutual friend's ex), and he was the one that told me L and him were going out. She's been out as a lesbian for going on 6 years now, and like obviously sexuality is fluid and im happy for her and etc etc, im not saying she lied to me about her sexuality or that their relationship doesn't mean anything (/gen) because i know nothing about it. which is like,, kinda my point, she likes a guy, and she never told me?? it's not that i feel entitled to know everything about who she fancies but like, this feels big to me and was like a thing like "wow we really never talk. i really like, barely know you anymore and you were my best friend 5 months ago"

anyway all that is to say, L's bf was mario and she was wearing a pink top and a crown so like. what???

[fxirybun]

too damn true!!! i also feel like with ur last point that ppl dont seem to remember as easily compared to previous times? for instance whenever theres a "new" tiktok trend i look at it and realise its not actually "new" just something that the newer generations seem to think they created or made it new again.

its like kids or teens nowadays are so focused on their online life that they forget things have been done before in a less than new way so to see aesthetics that have been around long before thenselves come back as an aesthetic more than a lifestyle baffles me. particularly with y2k, not only do the 00s feel too long ago ngl we had so much good stuff but its like if you search it on youtube all ppl say is how trashy it was just because they didnt live in the era of it or they put an importance of aesthetics without realising they really wouldnt cope without the internet but its more so they prefer how something looks from that era, than anything else, i dont think anyones whos chronically online (myself included) would realistically want to have zero internet in current times it really gives fomo honestly its so bad.

if u arent doing what everyone else is doing its so bad making us feel further behind bc time aint slowing down for nobody. we 30 somethings had a lot too but i feel that gen z just dont realise the difference in society between then and now and it seems vastly different i cant explain it? thats why i feel like we were in some sort of time alteration device in or around 2019 cause nothings felt normal since then and even ppls behaviours and just the way they "think" has been altered so much and it always has to accomodate to whatever is going on both online and irl, the fact we have to try to mentally separate the online version from our physical selves is bonkers. thats whag i mean its totally different and idk if its a good kind of different or bad. im even seeing this crop up with new generation kpop groups and my faves ultimately they still are very much chronically online even if they are on a break. its actually hard to keep up with this stuff going on all the time hbu?

that reminded me of the whole baggy jeans & flared jeans trend and how my mom told me that these jeans used to put a chokehold on them back in the 90s lol. we be following the 3 Rs rules 😆 : reduce , reuse , recycle.

well.. if the shoes fit , fits them 🤷‍♀️ and the majority of teens are usually in their experimenting phase wherein they get to try new things that they're curious about. been there , done that ◔_◔ an example would be my little brother who's in his mid-teen years. he's experimenting with some clothes and would mix n match them cuz it's "trendy". i find his fashion questionable because of the layered tops and pants he's wearing 😭 like bro it's freakin hot outside and you're going to wear that ?? tho i'm not gonna stop him , letting him explore and find his niche (˘̩̩̩ε˘̩ƪ)

you know the whole "emo phase" back in the early 2000s and how people would throw shade on it ? well surprise surprise cuz tara yummy , johnnie guilbert , and jake webster are trending , and how their goth / emo fashion is making its way on trends.

gen z's are individuals who aren't afraid to express their opinions and are pretty much self-aware as to what's going on in this world. i find it admirable because their voices are being used to change the current societal expectations of what the govt or any politician had established.

i do feel that the whole pandemic was a major catalyst for all of us and how everything seems to be happening too fast. but i kid you not with this one cuz some of the millennials and gen x peeps i know irl has been noticing how we gen z's have no presence in mind and that we have short attention spans 😭

well , they're right with that one cuz i noticed it from my blockmates , the younger students , and my skibidi toilet siblings. and you shouldn't feel bad about not being able to catch up cuz i'm on the same page as you lmao ( T_T)＼(^-^ ) i had no idea what a "fanum tax" meant not until my little brother who's a gen alpha told me its meaning 💀 there's a new wave of slangs too and how i was left in confucius at first but i got a hold on it over time.

[outsidereveries]

i wouldve loved to have seen an 80s or maybe even 70s kpop cause back then ppl just did whatever they wanted in music and had no real particular direction or style they did it of their own will and had their own styles now it like members dont or cant have their own personalities or groups dress similarly i guess it make the performances look formatted but sometimes its just overdoing it

what i cringe abt is idols doing cutesy things bc it invoves kids all the time sometimes i just avoid that stuff as well bc well it doesnt involve my age group once again

when they put blitzers on bgt tbh i havent watched that show in donkeys years bc its been less british and more whatever is available type thing or in general just not my style or what id care about the judges act like they never heard of bts or blackpink rofl yet knetz were bashing ppl in my country bc it isnt going to be everyone taste yaknow? so i get why they werent well received by public but i also get why ppl would like them cause theyre still different abroad but not different in kpop itself if that makes sense?

but i dont think there was such a thing back then, im neither young nor old but generally the way entertainments been about how much we can consume in short time how many episodes or series or subscirptions that we need just doesnt sit right with me anymore. screens are in every room of every place and theres no real respite from it except for perhaps when we die lol

i dont know i just cant wait to be long gone from the world again if we hadnt needed to adjust to computers or smartphones i think i wouldve had more simple pleasures to enjoy in life yet we kind of had to subject ourselves to digital media and entertainment. recently i tried getting rid of my smartphone and it only works if you dont mind not having many ppl to text on it but then fomo and boredom still sets in after awhile of not needing one. i wish i was too old for any of this like can i swap bodies with an 80 year old?

i understand your mindset in a way or another and i agree with everything: the "we don't care" era of k-pop where the creative freedom in the industry that's related to genres is a must, the cutesy stuff, even with blitzers on bgt (i haven't watched it, but i've heard about the comments and i just cringed why they tried but comparing britain's got talent with the bulgarian's i cringed even more) but honestly, if you believe in spirituality and different realities, have you tried to shift into another reality? this might interest you if you believe in it in my opinion. for me, i've realised that my current world is quite nice so i haven't tried it but for you might apply different thing, who knows? you might like it after all, especially when you can imagine it how exactly you want it to be.

[friedesgreatscythe]

ARR speedruns are getting me through late winter into early spring, as well as allowing me a chance to come up with different characters to give AU Eorzea adventures. I've perfected it from about 10 days in February, to three days in the Eren Jaeger run last month, to possibly 20 hours total in my current Twilight Princess!Zelda run. I'm taking a break now because I'm holding myself accountable to productive decisions lol But considering the rate I've been going I'm almost posi I can manage at most a 24 hour run time.

I've perfected little ways to make it go by as quick as possible: start on Dynamis (NA data center that gives a massive exp boost) and always have food handy for another bit of EXP boost (if an FC invites you and has an EXP boost as well, all the better, but you don't have to rely on this); use NPCs in dungeons and pull big mobs if you're DPS or healer (the tank is beefy and the healer can keep up with him, but i haven't tested out the combo of you tanking + NPC healer yet); sign up with every chocobokeep at aetherytes so you can pass between settlements without spending much gil; use the airship service liberally to also save gil; if you go archer/bard, always use peleton to make sprinting faster; skip cutscenes (which i only condone here bc i've played the game before) and make the language Japanese and the text 9+ speed for the ones you can't skip. For the grand companies, the Immortal Flames or Twin Adders are the better choices since their headquarters are so close to major aetherytes (and will load in faster as opposed to Limsa, where everyone is all the damn time).

Using all this, I started the conjurer/white mage Zelda cosplay run yesterday at 12:30PM and got her to level 50 and unlocked Brayflox by 2AM. I did have to take a break for dinner, so that added about a half hour to the run time, and I did do two side dungeons for another boost of EXP, so that added to the time as well. I don't have gear good enough to solo dungeons at this point, but I can turn in the silver chocobo feathers I have to get some relic gear to help with iLvl and stat increase.

You may be asking yourself, "Krist, why are you doing all this?" And the answer is simply: so Twilight Princess!Zelda can get the Torgal mount and fit my own personal satisfaction of having a lore appropriate mount from her game lmao Also to keep seeing how fast I can get through ARR at this point.

The FFXVI crossover event lasts til May goddamn 8th. I have over a month to do it, but I have an awful sense of FOMO and an insatiable need to put pressure on myself to succeed, so this is how I've tried to come to terms with that. Even though I'm never satisfied with what I do. Even with all these accomplishments, I went to bed last night thinking, "What a waste of time, you're such a loser." And hey, that could be true, but as long as I'm applying myself to things that will actually help me in real life, I don't see the problem.

Which is why I'm spending the day typing up my rewrites draft notebook so I have that to work on in the oncoming draft.

Accountability. Productivity. Accomplishments. I'm capable of all of these, and now I just need to make sure I keep doing them, and that I include myself in these efforts. Looking after my mom and now my stepdad after his sciatica flare up has made me more aware of how easily and readily I'll set aside what I want and need to do for someone else. Reassuring my sister that I'm available to help whenever she needs it makes me aware of how quickly I'll reach out to someone else, but never think to offer that same support to myself.

My goal for the year is to finish this draft--polished, finished, ready for beta readers--by Thanksgiving at the latest. I know I can do it. I know I need to focus, to reach out to other writer friends who are on their indie pub journeys, or keep track of their progress and how they're handling themselves. I need to be more supportive to myself. I need to celebrate how determined I am, even through the hardship and discomfort of having no financial independence (and the BPD impulsivity of overspending when I do have money, combined with the PTSD sense of foreshortened future. Why save money when I can't imagine a need to support myself because I can't imagine wanting to live [which is different from wanting to die, it's simply a total apathy to the concept of existing and wanting to do so]).

I just... need to be better to myself. I need to jump to my own needs the way I do for others. I need to reassure myself the way I do for others. I need to set goals in the immediate and long-term future and meet them, and be proud of meeting them. I need to start looking at my life and what I'm doing in it as things that are good, and useful, and valuable, and necessary, and wonderful, because no one and nothing else is going to give me the life I'm desperate for. I don't get a second chance at this. It's not something I can start over. I'm alive now, whether I like it or not, and I have to keep dedicating myself to things that make me like it.

Even typing that out makes me scowl or cringe away from the very idea. But why? Why don't I want to make myself happy? Why don't I want to make my life better--to make my life my life, how I want it? Why can't I just... be a healthy person? Why can't I like myself--not even love, just like? Why am I repulsed by the very idea of taking care of myself? What happened to make me this way, and how can I fix it?

[2023-records]

Day 4 __ Wed, Jan 4

OOPS forgot to journal for today

I slept at 4 am... LOL, I didn't feel tired at the moment since I drank Alani Nu's coffee around 8 pm before volleyball open gym. I kind of enjoyed the Maple Donut flavor and the caffeinated feeling it gave, which wasn't jittery at all. It was sort of a nice caffeine high where I didn't realize I was on awake on coffee. I had planned to watch only 1 episode of the new season of Emily In Paris and then fall asleep. Little did I know, I finished the rest of the season and then went to bed LOL I kind of regret it since the day I have off from Shumai, I spent sleeping in until noon and then working out and getting back home by 5:30 pm. I really need to get to studying for the exams... I basically have a week left and haven't started and it's mostly because I have to watch Shumai. When she does sleep, it's only for short moments now. Before, she would be sleeping for a few hours straight. Analyzing this more, this next semester won't be easy if I continue to take on watching Shumai. I will need to tell Youki that I won't be able to watch her all day as I'll also have to make time for assignments and studying.

I realized that the NYE party had me feeling fed up with feeling responsible for making things happen when I would rather be doing something for myself. I invited Betty and Mitch, hoping that they would mingle with my friends, however, they were on their own a lot and separated from the group. I felt torn between talking to them and talking to my friends... I chose to hang out with Betty and Mitch more since they were the minority and my friends were all together already. I realized that I felt FOMO and that this event was to hang out with my friends again. I don't think I'll be inviting Betty and Mitch to another gathering as it would probably happen again. I'm going to keep family and friends separate so that I can spend quality time with them separately. I also realized that maybe that's why I felt even more down on myself when I heard that my friends caught covid and how it's affecting their lives. I invited my sister who maybe shouldn't have been invited to not spread covid and to not make me feel responsible for mingling with my friends. It's definitely not Betty's fault but this situation made me rethink trying to be too generous to too many people without thinking about the consequences or possible outcomes. This relates to taking too much responsibility taking care of Shumai for Youki. I love her like a sister but I should really stop trying to help people ease their problems especially if I compromise my first obligations (school and physical/mental health).

Wow, typing this all out really helped me figure out this previous paragraph.

I played a couple solo OW games after working out. It was nice playing with randoms that weren't spamming the chat with negative shit. I wanted to play to (1) 65% just to have fun and (2) 35% to get better so that I can eventually play with my friends and at least be closer to their level of play. This 35% keeps dwindling since every time I do play with my friends now, Shumai always happens. I feel like I'm keeping my friends from getting dubs and from getting better. Which I totally understand since for the most part when I'm playing volleyball seriously, I'd want to play with people who can keep up with the same or close to the same level. Saying this, I really don't mind just watching and supporting my friends! It's nice not to feel the pressure of being the reason why my friends can't continue getting better. It's actually amazing seeing everyone's abilities and IQ develop.