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#so who knows maybe I’ll upload it again sometime
rosicheeks · 1 year
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I missed the pretty little angels pretty little singing voice!? 🥺🥺
I’m sorryyyyy 😔
#I posted it for a few hours last night!#but then before bed I decided to delete it#honestly don’t have a good reason for deleting it#I still have it saved to my phone#so who knows maybe I’ll upload it again sometime#I think it’s just cause the perfectionist in me kept telling me that it wasn’t good enough#that I can’t post something unless I’ve worked on it for hours and recorded it a billion times#I still remember back in school and practicing songs over and over again#I don’t miss my anxiety and stage freight#but fuck me I miss performing#I know I know ‘go check out community theaters’ and stuff like that#but I don’t have the time!#I need to find a job#I’m still dogsitting#need to clean and organize my place#hopefully find my own place in the near future and move#it’s hard for me to commit to something like that when it’s going to be a big time commitment#I just wish it was easier to get into that career#being paid to act and sing#now THAT is the dream#I was singing O Mio babbino in the car and almost cried#that was the last song that I seriously studied#I still know most of it but some of the words are a blur#mad at myself for not trying to get into college or anything like that#going from a performing arts high school to a performing arts college sounds so amazing#I mean anything sounds better than what I’m doing right now#ok not getting into that 😂 but maybe if you ask me really nicely I’ll upload it again for a little bit#I do really want to record a classical song sometime and show off my high notes 😇😇 but that’ll be when I’m able to record on my laptop cause#my phone would not be able to handle my high notes hahaha#ask
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pixlokita · 9 months
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Why don't you allow them to do dubbing for you?
While a few people have been polite enough to ask and properly credit there’s a quite a few dubs that didn’t get permission, didn’t credit properly if at all… even credited the wrong person on purpose. And don’t get me started on people using AI voices to “dub” comics (also without crediting the source) . At least put in the effort. That’s just reposting art at this point :’> anyway it gets depressing when people say they’ve seen your art but couldn’t even find you because of that. I love the dubs that people were nice about tho 💖 it means a lot that they’d go out of their way to do that sincerely because they just liked the comics or contributed to the ideas somehow but yeah it got pretty overwhelming and bad after a while.
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burnorgetburned · 1 year
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okay. OKAY. I JUST WANT TO SAY.
NEW MUSIC STYLE. NEW ART STYLE. NEW MAGIC SYSTEM, NEW GIRLS, MORE CLARA DOLLS, MORE HOMURA OUTFITS, MORE EVERYONE OUTFITS, and AAHAHAHAHSGH.
Homura wins by style points alone.
Anyway. Choice screenshots and my thoughts on them. Plus a few wild theories. Replies, tags, and your own reactions are VERY welcome.
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(You're doing great, sweetie!)
First of all, I’ve already said this, but Homura has usurped Kyubey. She is the contractor in this new system. She calls magical girls and asks them if they can bear the responsibility of fighting (LEAGUES better than Kyubey's misleading BE A HERO language), using a magical lizard phone. She knows better than anyone else how heavy this is.
And she looks amazing while doing it. Look at that outfit! Look at her steampunk-esque aesthetic! Her throne. Which, notably, has glowing magenta eyes and her wings as a backrest.
The moon is either actually, physically repurposed, or she’s made something that looks like it. Not only that, but the pins going into the moon are exactly like the pins that went into her soul gem when she was being experimented upon in Rebellion. Those pins, according to the artbook, are for draining her gem of grief to keep her just before the point of witching.
Well, here’s my first wild speculation: Homura has not only taken over Kyubey’s job as a contractor but also its job of disposing of grief. That moon steampunk device is maybe for collecting, concentrating, and distilling grief into energy - hence the strange tesla coils connected to red liquid in the second screenshot above. She's doing what Kyubey says it's doing - turning the grief of people into energy to prolong the universe's lifespan.
I for one support her reality-warping shenanigans.
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Here are some voices over a phone, sometimes speaking over each other, sometimes together. They call Homura “Akuma-sama” (!!!) which is a distinct upgrade from calling her Good-For-Nothing. They say “Just bring hope” like a mission statement. Are these her contracted girls? Or her Clara Dolls? They seem to show her a lot of respect.
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I’ve also said this, but I strongly feel that this and the girl shown later are some of Homura’s new contractees. Their magic is darker. It warps the world around them, even. Their outfits incorporate black a lot more, too, though that might be the lighting.
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Look at the little sigil on the top left-middle! Looks a lot like Homura’s lizard sigil shown when she was consuming the universe, just with a longer lizard.
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And, of course, the image of Madoka throwing herself off of a building. “Wraith” and “Legend of Bestie” (lmao) show up here. I’ve actually been really looking forward to seeing what they’ll do with Madoka’s… self-sacrificial tendencies, so this might be part of that. Or, because of “Wraith”, it’s… well, I’ll get to that later.
On the other hand, it might not be Madoka. It might be the girl who the speaker in the phone call calls her "best friend", jumping to her death because of a wraith, and Homura saving her to fulfill a wish.
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So glad that the insane architecture from Rebellion is making a comeback. Love what you’ve done with the place, Homura. Look at all those cranes!
The outfit changes are very cool to me. I honestly don’t have speculation for why Sayaka is covered in bandages, but I do have speculation for the changes!: they’re older. Years have passed. Since they’ve changed and grown, their outfits have changed, too. I don't have proof of this - I just like the idea.
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Light shines down on Madoka. Petals fall towards her as flowers bloom above. Behold, Homura's extremely subtle and inscrutable feelings. (Sorry for the blurry Madoka, but I am not going through the ordeal of uploading screenshots to my computer again because Tumblr does not like mobile users).
Homura is apparently waiting for Madoka here. She's standing right in the fountain's water and holding a Victorian umbrella like a vampire. Right now we can see that the visuals of this movie will not miss.
Is this a routine thing for them or is Homura just showing up to greet them this one time, for some reason? No clue. Madoka's expression as she notices Homura could indicate either.
Eagle-eyed people on Twitter noticed this, but in these shots, Sayaka already has her bandages.
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Aside from the multiple and/or teleporting Homuras, there's also a Clara Doll in a ballerina dress and a cute Clara Doll peering over the side of the tower like a little kid.
The tower is interesting. It appears to be made of books or pages, and there's chains throughout it. More notably, it's in the shape of a helix - infinity symbols on top of each other.
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Please appreciate these Clara Dolls. I'm sure they're working hard.
But seriously, those Clara Dolls' details. One has a witch's hat. One has an apple on its head. And the one with a teacup appears to have not only a lizard's tail but a replica of Homura's Devil outfit. Appreciate them!
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Here is Homura(?), lounging or trapped on a chair filled with even more of those pins. Look at her closely. She's wearing a strange combination of her magical girl outfit and her Devil outfit - her shoulders are bare, and she has... feathers? She's sitting on a bunch of nails. But she also has two soul gems - one in her hand, and one hanging from her neck.
Is she cleansing them? Eating them? Holding people hostage? I don't know, but I support her completely.
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She looks so tired.
So: here's some of what I think might be going on.
Homura is using wraiths to repress her worst memories. We know already that wraiths take memories and emotions from their victims. Well, there's no reason it can't be used as extremely terrible coping! Homura actually does this in the Wraith Arc, too - she lets a wraith take her feelings for Madoka.
If it is Madoka, it explains the shot with Madoka throwing herself off a builing - what if Homura has seen this happen in the loops, and out of pain lets a wraith pull it right out of her? The shot says "WRAITH" and billows with smoke. A wraith could have taken Madoka's form to act out this memory. And it doesn't need to be a memory - it could also represent Madoka's self-sacrifice and almost suicidal tendencies. This, too, would explain the multiple Homuras. All wraiths using her form.
This puts forward powerful enemies for the plot, as well as an interesting point of literally fighting Homura's demons. Most importantly, this lets everyone see Homura's pain.
Other wild dartboard speculations:
Homura will try and present herself as a villain. This is, honestly, kind of guaranteed, but it bears mentioning that her magical girls will be very likely to try to defend her.
Kyubey may appear to try and turn the girls against Homura.
Homura made the new magical girl who is drawing a bow. She has a lot of design choices from the Quintet, and people have already noticed how much she looks like Madoka. This new girl plays a role of the hero to Homura's pretend-villain, eliminating the risk that her friends will get seriously hurt.
The new magical girl is actually Madoka. Or the Law of Cycles. Or Kriemhild Gretchen.
The girl who jumps from the tower is a contractee being asked to take a leap of faith. She does so, and Homura rewards her with magic.
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geopsych · 7 months
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re: the tumblr ai stuff, please don’t wipe your blog!! your blog has been so important to me and many others as a place of authentic light and beauty and i would hate to lose it forever 💕
there is a way to download the contents of a tumblr blog (it’s in settings, i don’t remember rn, but i’ll find it if you need it) maybe you could upload to another site or a personal site?
i know this is very serious, and i hate how we are unwillingly contributing to synthetic art, but the world would be poorer for me without your pictures <3
Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me.
This is a dilemma for me. I have loved doing this blog and going out to look for pictures and interesting things to bring here has given me motivation and meaning through years of struggle with depression and several kinds of grief. Going out to look for pictures has put me in situations where I have seen incredible beauty, much of which I never really managed to capture. Also, the many warm and kind messages I've received from people all over the world have given me heart and made me feel less meaningless as a person and more connected. Sometimes I've been criticized for buying the checkmarks and giving money to Tumblr but I wanted to do what I could because Tumblr has been my one happy and safe place online. But now this. To me AI in relation to creativity is just a way for well-to-do but untalented people, the proverbial tech bros, to profit from other people's hard work and creativity. It has no redeeming value in relation to creativity and is actively harmful to artists of all kinds. <trying to figure out how to put a read more link here> I don't even count myself among the real creatives, artists and writers and others who have worked hard and put years into honing their crafts, into learning to translate their hearts and unique spirits into their creative expression. I just see beautiful things and take pictures of them. But it would still make me sick to see AI works based on my pictures, on these times and places that have meant so much to me. Recently I saw a set of cat 'photos' on here that everyone was reblogging and exclaiming over but that to me seemed to just be AI art that was more convincing than most. As time goes on more and more output of AI is going to be almost indistinguishable from real works and unscrupulous people will pass them off as real, getting credit for what was actually created by others. Whether they profit from them becomes almost irrelevant at that point because what's worse is that we will have less and less sense of what is real. And as some have pointed out AI will now also be scraping from AI, muddying the waters further from here on in. This is an apocalypse of sorts, an apocalypse of creativity, ultimately likely to kill the joy of artistic endeavor for many who would otherwise produced brilliant, beautiful, funny, and/or shockingly original things. I'm still parsing and dissecting my thoughts and feelings about what Tumblr has done and how to react. Staying and leaving my blog up feels like consent. I am not confident in the integrity of anyone connected with scraping sites for AI. I'm not convinced that a little toggle in settings is going to make much of a difference in the long run. On the other hand I like posting here and I have received enough messages over the years to know that my blog is a positive influence on some lives. I was looking forward to May and June and posting pictures of the incredible beauty of eastern Pennsylvania in those months. And I was planning on making a side blog for posting some poetry I've been working on. It will break my heart to leave.
I haven't decided yet. Believe it or not this whole thing has given me awful physical symptoms. I'll let you know when I decide. Thank you again for your kind and lovely note!
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katareyoudrilling · 6 months
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The Sweepstakes: Frankie Morales Epilogue (Porn Star AU)
Series: The Sweepstakes
Pairing: Frankie Morales x Porn star Female reader
Summary: You texted Frankie after your evening together, but what happened next?
Word count: ~600
Rating: Explicit (18+ only. NO MINORS)
Content Warnings: descriptions of sex acts
A/N: This follows the events of The Sweepstakes: Frankie Morales so be sure to read that first!  I did the most minimal of research for this, so please forgive any inaccuracies.  I have been overwhelmed (in the best way) by the response to Sweepstakes Frankie.  I hope what I’ve imagine here does him justice.  Enjoy!
Reblogs and comments greatly appreciated!
Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist
Taglist – link in my bio or ask me to add you!
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“Frankie! Come see this!” you exclaim from the bedroom.
“What is it?” Frankie comes in, running a towel through his shower-damp hair, wearing just his worn blue jeans.  You take in the view of his soft tummy and bare feet, momentarily distracted from the news you called him in to share.
You just had him in your bed less than an hour ago, but you’d gladly have him back again.  You shake your head to clear the distracting thoughts.
“Right. I was just uploading today’s video when I saw that we hit 1,000 subscribers!”
“What? Really? That sounds like a lot.”  He sits down next to you on the bed, his weight causing the mattress to dip and bumping your knee against his side.  His fresh, clean scent wafts over you and you have to resist the urge to snuggle into his warm skin.
“It is a lot,” you beam at him, and he returns your smile with a lopsided grin of his own. “We’ll be making real money soon.”
It had been after another fun and satisfying fuck with your favorite civilian that you had pitched Frankie the idea of starting an OnlyFans with you.
The way you saw it, there was an untapped market for soft, brown-eyed men, who gave amazing head.  Your rapidly rising subscriber numbers are proving your hunch to be correct.
Frankie had thought it over, but he said it was ultimately a pretty easy decision.  Why not try to earn a little extra money doing something he loved?
You called your channel “The Pussy Eating King”
Your signature videos were first person POVs of him eating you out.  Sometimes he looked directly down the camera with those soulful eyes.  Others, he closed them to get completely lost in the pleasure of your cunt.  It was devastating… in the best way.  And the viewership numbers agreed.
Second to those, were the videos you filmed from between Frankie’s legs, looking up at him while you stroked his gorgeous cock until he came.  His disheveled curls and pink cheeks are the stuff dreams are made of.
Dirty dreams.
Dreams you wake up needy and desperate from.
It would be selfish to keep that view just for yourself.
“I think we should celebrate,” Frankie muses, pulling on his t-shirt and running his fingers through his messy curls.  “Can I take you on a date?”
“A date?” Your pulse pounds in your ears.  Sure, you have sex with Frankie on a regular basis.  You have sex with a lot of people.  Sure, you often wind up spending the day in bed with him just talking, but being with him in public? With clothes on?
Frankie senses your hesitation.  “It doesn’t have to change anything.  I just really like you and want to spend time with you.”
“I… ok,” you hear yourself answer.
“Great, I’ll pick you up at 8.”  Frankie kisses the top of your head and makes his way out of your apartment, picking up his hat as he goes.  Before he closes the door, he turns and winks.
- - - - - - - - - 
Later that night, Frankie takes your hand as you walk down the sidewalk.  He twines his fingers with yours in a way that feels more intimate than anything you’ve done in the bedroom.
He said nothing would change, but things always change.
For the first time in a long time, you wonder if maybe that isn’t a bad thing.
- - - - - - - - - -
A/N: If these types of videos exist, please let me know…
Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist
Taglist – in reblog
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lesbiankimdahyun · 1 year
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new match
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1.1K words
CW: A/B/O dynamics, sorry we're really playing The Long Game here
[A!Mina x O!Reader]
As a backup dancer in the kpop industry, you were constantly making connections with every music video, award show, and world tour you danced in. Other dancers became your friends easily, but idols? At best, some became casual acquaintances of yours. For idols you got to know for longer periods of time, like during tours, you sometimes came away with their personal number stored in your phone’s contact list. 
But you never texted them. The thought felt embarrassing to you, too vulnerable. Besides, all of the idols who had given you their number so far were Omegas like you. Maybe you’d act on it if you had an Alpha’s number, but you didn’t, and you were at peace with that. 
Until one day, your friend Somi approached you at the end of group practice with a new soloist idol.
“Hey,” she said, tugging at your dance bag to get you to hold back. “Have you seen this?”
She held out her phone open and you took it, peering at the rectangle-shaped screen. At first glance, it looked like someone’s dating profile. Except…
The someone was you. All of the photos were of you. There was no written profile besides your name and age. The words “PROFILE UNCLAIMED/INACTIVE” were just below your name. 
“What? What is this?” you said, nearly throwing her phone back at her. “That’s me, what the fuck!” 
Somi winced, taking her phone back quickly. “I had a feeling you didn’t know.” 
“Know about what? What is that?” you asked, now wondering whether you should ask to see it again. “Oh my god, is my identity being st–”
“It’s an app,” Somi said quickly, lowering her voice as a few more dancers scurried by you. “Calm down, it’s just–” she hesitated. “It’s…basically like Tinder, but almost exclusively for idol Alphas and Omegas.” 
Your eyes widened. “Idols? But then how am I on there?” 
“I said almost,” Somi said, emphasizing the word. “If you’re known or noticed by other idols, sometimes they add outsiders they think are hot, like hair and makeup artists, music photographers or dancers.”
You stared at Somi. You watched as she ran a few of her fingers through her bangs and combed through them, as if that offered some sort of additional explanation. 
“How do you know all of this?” you asked, crossing your arms. “Are– are you on there?”
Somi blushed. “I– not right now,” the other Omega said. “I just finished my heat so I’m kind of taking a break.” 
Your brain was racing a million miles a minute to piece together what she was telling you. 
“So you’ve used it? You have a profile?” Your questions came as quickly as you could say them. “Let me see your profile! How does it work? Idols? Who have you matched with?” 
Seeing now that you were less upset and more intrigued, Somi finally smiled. “Slow down, Y/N!  I’ll tell you everything on the walk to the train. That account is yours if you want it.” 
After getting instructions from Somi on how to claim your profile and create login credentials for yourself, you came home. You threw your phone on your bed and then jumped in after it. Somi told you you’d have to verify your identity if you claimed your profile. You hated how eager you were to get up and go back out into your apartment to grab your bag. You rooted around for your ID, rolling your eyes at yourself. It’s not like you were going to have the kind of luck Somi told you she’d had. What if she was secretly lying and there weren’t actually any attractive Alphas on there?
ID in hand now, you moved to your kitchen. You set your phone and ID down on the counter while you grabbed a bottle of red and a glass. 
After taking a long sip, curiosity got the best of you and you finally unlocked your phone. You downloaded the app and followed the prompts on your screen to claim your profile. It required you to upload photographs of your ID and submit a selfie to verify your identity. You also signed a severe privacy agreement. 
This better be worth it, you thought. 
A few minutes later, you were into your new account and you quickly made some adjustments to your profile. You swapped out some of the photos of yourself for ones you liked better and added a short bio. An ‘O’ appeared on your profile after your name and age. 
Buzzing with excitement, you tapped your way back to the home screen quickly. Now you finally could browse and see which Alphas awaited you, and which non-idols had been deemed well known enough to be included. As you started swiping through, you couldn’t believe it. There were more Alpha profiles than you thought there would be. 
Taking a breath, you slowly and meticulously started swiping through profiles, reading every line of their bios, taking in each photo. Some of the names and faces you saw made your eyebrows lift in surprise. (G)I-DLE’s Yuqi, Red Velvet’s Seulgi, Dreamcatcher’s Siyeon, JiU and Dami, even MAMAMOO’s Hwasa.
The idea of not matching with some of the Alphas you saw was devastating, but matching with them was even scarier to think about. 
Not matching with Fromis_9’s Saerom almost shattered your confidence, and not getting a single match with any of the LOONA members you saw made you debate deleting the app right then and there. But then you remembered your profile had only just gone live, so you went on with your night to give yourself some time to be swiped on. 
You ate and then showered. When you came back to your room to get dressed, you noticed a new notification on your phone. Your first match!
Your eyes went wide when you saw who it was. (G)I-DLE’s Soyeon. 
A wave of excited warmth rushed over you. You flicked through her photos, admiring the pretty Alpha. You then frowned for a moment, remembering one of the app’s antiquated traditional rules. Alphas had the first move– Omegas couldn’t send a message first. 
You sat there for a few moments, as if willing a notification to come through, but your phone stayed motionless in your hand. You set your phone down, ready to move onto doing something else. It wasn’t worth waiting around to see if a message came through. 
After washing your dishes and helping yourself to a second glass of wine, you settled in on your couch to read for a bit. Just as you were about to pick up where you left off, your phone vibrated. 
Soyeon.
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familyvideostevie · 5 months
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hey.
okay. hello! i'm back. :)
maybe you noticed, maybe not, but i have been away for a while.
i wish i could say i've been out living my life, so caught up in happiness and joy and loving each day that i've just not had time for tumblr. but....that is not true. i have been having a tough time! being away has been good, as i've had time to do other things that i like and to put energy into my own well-being, but it hasn't been the best time, I'll tell you that.
i peeked on the dash every now and then to keep my queue full and reblogged soothing things to my main blog and tried my best not to feel guilty about it all (i was also booping on April 1 lol). i just...I really needed a break. i've really enjoyed being here the last six or so months as i've changed my blog and entered the pedro/tlou space but i've also felt so, so alone.
and i know that it doesn't really matter!! like, we should all take breaks and go outside and all that stuff. and I know plenty of people are not very active, but this blog has been such a vital part of my life and happiness since I started it almost two years ago, so any lapse in activity feels like a loss. I've met lifelong friends and flexed my writing muscles and learned a hell of a lot. the fact that I have started to feel isolated and alone on here is a sort of personal betrayal, and there is no one to blame but myself.
So, I’m pulling back.
it means a few things — i don’t know how much writing I’ll be doing from now on. For Joel, especially — it’s been wonderful to meet folks in that community but it has also been really detrimental to my passion for both the game and writing. I’d like to return to some other characters on my masterlist, but we’ll see. I’ve got endless personal projects away from tumblr that I want to pour love and time into (my non-reader fics, my newsletter, a romance novel, a sci-fi novel, poetry, etc). I need to fall in love with my own work again.
it's a me problem, I want to stress that. i'm working on it! irl stuff has been kicking my ass. I've had a really, really hard winter and my mental health has suffered probably more than ever before. i let things I love -- like this blog -- fester and become negative and no longer being me joy. writing became stressful and difficult and I was focused on notes and interaction and looking around me and seeing success and then looking at myself and only seeing lack.
but that's why I took a break! i am getting help and support irl, i am putting in the time and effort to feel better about being alive and to be a better friend and person all around. And I want to tell you all about it because I am so grateful for your time and attention and support, even if we’re just strangers on the internet. i know this probably seems silly -- who cares about a fanfic blog? well, i care! i care a lot! it matters to me and therefore it matters!
anyway. on to the important stuff. here I am! and here's what's going to happen on this blog:
I am working on replying to asks and reblogs and comments I missed. Thank you for being patient with me! I don't know if I'll get to them all but know I see them and I am honored every single time.
I made a totally separate ao3 account with this blog url. I'm working on uploading everything I've posted here onto there and hopefully will continue to crosspost. It is going to take a long, long time, so please be patient! (you can follow my other ao3 here for my non x-reader fanfic).
I posted this fic! Jackson!Joel pulled me back into his world. It’s the first thing I’ve written in ages, so let me know what you think. as of now it's the last planned fic for that series, but who knows!
I hit a milestone while i was away that I am absolutely blown away by. I'm planning a celebration around it sometime this spring (hopefully) and I’d love to see you participate :)
lastly, thank you so much to my friends for letting me complain, whine, winge, etc. I am so sorry for missing all of your work, your celebrations, your bright energies, and all the rest. i am so sorry if it seemed like i was ignoring you. you are my guiding lights, my silver linings, my touchstones. you make me want to be here. i will try to make it up to you!
I want to be online less but make sure I’m connecting more in the moments that i am here. I want to pressure myself to write less and not feel bad that I’m not engaged all the time. I want this blog to once again feel like a place that nourishes me and not sucks me dry. i want to stop feeling like shit about all of it!!!!
so. come hang out in my inbox, my dms, let me know what you've been up to. I am really sorry for missing so much. thank you for sticking around. <3
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videogamelover99 · 27 days
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Update for the Human Bill AU
HIYA FOLLOWERS!
It’s me, uh, Vee! Wait, like the LETTER? Seriously?! Talk about originality. 
ANYWAY! Word around the block is that BEST SELLING AUTHOR BILL CIPHER (pretty cool guy btw makes great deals) released a book into the PUBLIC COLLECTIVE that was SO GOOD it melted all of your brains into the primordial forms they were in when you were 10 years younger! Which is great news, cause it means more of you are down to contribute to the cause. What cause? Summoning Bill Cipher back into the mortal realm of course! I KNOW after his last SHOWSTOPPING lore drop you’re just dying to meet this guy, I get it! And you can! All you gotta do is pledge your allegiance to me, B- I mean, Vee! Who is not in any way, shape, or form possessed by a demon right now! They’re fine! I’m fine! Everything’s fi-
Ahem. Sorry. Bill took over my brain for the 30th time this week. It’s Vee. Hi.
Seriously though, actual Bill Cipher might not be hijacking my brain right now, but his character might as well be. I’m back to 2016, spinning him around like a rotisserie chicken. He is my little guy. He did nothing wrong, I promise. 
Honestly, I didn’t know if A Different Form a Different Time was ever gonna come back. It started as a collaboration with @doodledrawsthings on Tumblr, and after they moved on to do other stuff I did the same. And yet, this au changed the trajectory of my life. After all the support and enthusiasm from you guys, I realized how much writing and storytelling meant to me. I’m now a Narrative Game Designer, writing scripts and stories on a professional level, which I would not have gotten do to had I not had the experience of writing for this AU. 
For years, I kept getting DMs telling me someone was leaving kudos and comments on fics I wrote when I was a teenager, and that always just…blew me away. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for showing me how much my writing meant to you because I would not have gotten this far without that message being reiterated over and over again. 
And then the Book of Bill happened, and suddenly this dead au Mak and I crafted got 20k+ words of new material. Oops. Haha. 
So are you finally continuing this fic?
Yes and no. I’m rebooting it. After improving as a writer I’m hoping to bring something new to the table while following what’s already established in the series. Waking Days is gonna be rewritten, with new plotlines, new adventures, better, more coherent plot. I’ll still keep the old fic up so people can read it if they want, but I’ll re-order it to be at the end of the series for a more clear continuation. 
Will you finally give us a finished product?
The genuine answer is I don’t know! I don’t have a good track record for finishing fics, which is not exactly a vice, since I’m not getting paid for any of it. It’s just for fun. All I can promise is that I’ll give you new adventures in this universe, and maybe, together, we’ll get to the end. I was always of the opinion that people don’t owe writers and artists kudos or likes or comments, because once you put something out there, it’s not up to you how it’s consumed. I’m writing this for fun, and to improve my skills. But I will say that kudos and comments help a TON with people’s motivation. Seeing someone be enthusiastic about your work just does it sometimes, ok? And if you want this fic to be continued, if you like what’s happening, then let your voice be heard. 
Is Mak (aka doodledrawsthings) involved again?
Nope! They gave me their blessing to continue this AU, and it’s gonna branch out a lot from the original vision. I’d be down to work with them again, but as far as I know, they have their own stuff going on (they’re a professional storyboard artist now and have been for a while!) Please don’t harass them about this. If they want to work on GF stuff again, they will choose to do that on their own. 
Upload Schedule
If anyone noticed, I did a little poll recently (if you missed it, follow me guys!) and most people preferred shorter updates once a week. That’s what we’re gonna try. So, keep an eye out for a new fic in this series next Friday. I’ll add another chapter to this one even so people can keep track. I’ll be posting on my AO3 as well as on Tumblr, and tagging it as “A Different Form a Different Time”. 
Sneak Peek?? Please?
Sure. Here’s some stuff I wrote:
Deep in the redwood forests of central Oregon lay a small little town called Gravity Falls. With a population of a few thousand, low on tourism, and high on mosquito bites, the town was hard to find on any of the maps, and some might have claimed that the town hadn’t even existed. 
Fewer still knew of the oddities that made the town their home, passerbys had nothing to say outside of an “eerie feeling” and a glimpse of tiny men in pointed caps in the corner of their vision. 
But the town was real, and the oddities were more real still. 
In the outskirts of that town, down a dilapidated forest path, in a clearing sat The Mystery Shack, an old scientist’s lab turned tourist attraction. It was in this house, on a stiff, plushy couch, framed by the light of a seemingly empty water tank, that Bill Cipher, the monster with one eye, harbinger of chaos and trillion-year-old mind demon awoke, in a body that was not his and whose irritating human instincts he deeply resented. 
“Gah!”
“Screee!”
"Ow!"
Instincts like rapid breathing, sweatiness, and overall shakiness usually meant one of these dozen organs wasn’t working properly. Unfortunately, after waking up for the dozenth time in this manner, Bill had to admit that the organs weren’t the problem. 
Not that he could remember what the problem was. Whatever dream or nightmare had caused this current inconvenient bout of terror, whatever remnants of it were blank, fuzzy static on a rotting television screen. 
It was more annoying than anything. 
Bill started his nightly routine of picking himself off the floor. The blanket he had was tangled around his legs, which were somehow still on the sofa. After a moment or two of clumsily getting the appendages to move, Bill managed to heave himself upright.
Bill rubbed his eyes, he had two now. So weird. 
"Oik!"
Mabel's pig sat on the rug next to his head, staring blankly.
"What're you looking at, huh?"
"Oik!"
"None of your business."
"Oik oik!"
"No, what do I look like, a snack machine?"
"O-oik!"
"Ha! So's your mother!"
Waddles chose that moment to get up and trot away, done with the conversation. Well, good, Bill was done with him, too.
He stole a glance at the water tank. Still empty. Figures old Frilly wouldn't be there when Bill had a bone to pick with him. Maybe he should put some mercury in the water. As a surprise.
What was the point of stuffing him in this body, anyway? Did the ol’ salamander really think it would do anything? Was it to scare him? To torture him? To tell him how awful and evil he was and all those other meaningless statements that Bill had found hilarious in his time? 
Crimes against the second dimension? It was a crime that the place had existed the way it did. A rotten, broken building called for a demolition. He’d just had the detonator. 
Why would you do this?
Ugh, not again.
I-I wish I was dead! I wish I wouldn’t have to see what a monster you’ve-
Bill pulled himself up onto the couch and raised the blanket over his head. As if that could block out the incessant voice that only showed up at the worst of times. 
He would not sleep again.
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invisiblewille · 21 days
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Maybe it’s because I’ve only written for young royals so I just never noticed, but I like really don’t remember other fandoms I’ve been in having such an issue with people constantly commenting asking writers to update faster.
Like there’s literally nothing worse than being insanely busy and stressed about irl stuff and then you get an email that you got a comment and get excited only for it to be someone commenting that you’re not uploading fast enough.
And I feel like at this point so many of us have like tweeted about it or posted on other sites like this saying how it makes us feel that it’s just crazy to me that it’s still happening.
Like are we just slower than other fandoms or why do people in this fandom keep expecting us to write things in three seconds and not have jobs/lives 😭 and I know we all mostly assume that they have good intentions but it’s still ridiculous how much it’s an issue. I don’t know any of my writer friends atp who haven’t gotten those comments no matter how fast they’re uploading.
I sometimes go like a month in between bc of how long my editing process takes / the fact I often work 70+ hours a week so like I guess whatever for me maybe I am slow, but I know people who update literally every week or sometimes more frequently and still get those which is crazy
Anyways… I’ll get to my fics some time in late September / early October if you are someone who’s waiting on me but is nice enough not to tell me. Currently juggling more work and exam prep hours than there are in the day so until I have more than 4 hours a day to sleep fanfic isn’t gonna be on my list of things to do lol
But the third chapter of there is no hurry and the 7th(?) chapter of thou wilt whisper (or religion fic if you’re fun) are both like mostly ready and I’ll get to them when I have time again :)
(And thank you to those of you who do leave actual comments on fics. They do make me smile in the midst of trying to not drown in accounting work/textbooks)
Okay rant over sorry
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lunaviee · 1 year
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04. JEALOUSY…?
(with some writing below)
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rin states at your instagram post. annoyed.
it’s a weird feeling, he thinks. he doesn’t even know you, so why is he so annoyed at isagi for getting so close? all he knows is that your favorite pen to use is a pale blue one that’s running out of ink soon. and how you get annoyed when that one strand of hair gets in your face. and that you take off your bracelets when you write because they’re uncomfortable. and that he catches you glancing at him sometimes.
oh. okay, maybe he does know a bit about you..but that’s no reason to be so jealous, right? whatever, he doesn’t need this right now. he should focus on school no matter how many times you catch his eye.
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you walk into class and see a worker standing around the area where you would normally sit. you look at your teacher and he holds up a finger, indicating you to wait a moment. so you do.
soon, the worker (which you find out is a remodeler) calls your teacher over and you and your classmates are left conversing with each other.
“what do you think they’re doing?” a voice asks you, trying to start conversation.
you turn around, still keeping your eyes on the two men near your seat “i’m not sure…my guess is-” you freeze. you finally look at who you’re talking to and it’s rin. you’ve only heard him speak once and you were a bit too flustered to remember what he sounded like. he was quiet in class and didn’t even know he existed up until a few weeks ago.
his voice is smooth and low, which makes you just a tad bit nervous…
“uh huh? you were saying?” he questions, raising an eyebrow at you. “oh right. uh my guess is they’re fixing the charging plug next to my desk. it doesn’t work” you finally look into his eyes to answer. his eyes are pretty..icy irises surrounded by long eyelashes.
“hm.” he hums back in response. before either of you could say anything else (if you even wanted to), your teacher makes an announcement.
“alright, all students seated in columns 8-12 are moving desks. everyone else, go to your seat please.”
you turn back to rin and your eyes meet again. you were sat in column 12 and rin was in 10.
“uh do you wanna-” you start.
“yeah sure” rin walks past you and towards 2 empty desks.
even though there were only 36 people in your class, the size of your classroom was able to fit just under 50 students, so finding an empty seat was easy. (you really aren’t sure why your teacher had assigned seats in the first place…)
when you sit down, you take out your notebook and pencil case. well, it seems like you didn’t properly close your pencil case all the way when you last used it, and one of your pens had dropped. you lean over to get it, your head being dangerously close to the desk…
rin sees this and his hand slides over to the edge of the desk while you’re grabbing your pen, making sure you don’t accidentally hit your head.
once you sit back up, rin’s hand is back to its original spot before you can notice it had ever even left. your teacher walks back up to the front of the classroom and assigns a worksheet for the rest of the class period.
“work with a partner if you need to, i’ll be dealing with the remodeling situation.”
the word “partner” makes you glance at rin out of the corner of your eye. unfortunately, his eyes are set on his own paper.
though, his eyes do flicker to your desk as he watches you shake your favorite pen in hopes of using it again before it’s completely out of ink.
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PREV | NEXT | MAIN EVENT
oh my god i’m SO sorry i didn’t upload for so long and this chapter SUCKS😭i’ve been so busy recently and writers block definitely doesn’t help
TAGLIST — @jaeheekangslover @disoriented-fish @itzsora @tamimemo @punkhazardlaw @bxddiebloss @userwithlotsoftime @anurst @vvasant @l0v3do11 @reiners-milkbiddies @ilytrinsworld @hyeenct @yunxbin @raidenshogunmommy @livelaughloveisagiyoichi
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swindle-comic · 1 year
Text
As Swindle comes off of hiatus, I (Artsy) would just like to say a few things.
I firstly just want to say a big personal thank you to everyone who’s been so patient during this hiatus. I’ve been dealing with a lot over the months that this comic hasn’t been updating and I’m still just keeping my head above water as it is. To those who are so empathetic, so kind, so understanding, thank you. You guys are a big reason why I continue working on this comic, and I am really excited for you to see where the story goes.
Lord knows that I’ve dedicated more than enough time complaining about the small but vocal group of people who have been rude - sometimes excessively so - to both Lolly and I as we work on this comic, and I’d like to not spend a terribly long time dwelling on it, here. I probably won’t mention if for a long while after this post. At the same time, it’s worth noting that we’ve done a lot to try to discourage and manage this behavior with... mixed results. We’ve blocked people for repeated rude behavior, we’ve banned people from our Discord server for rude behavior, we’ve closed our askbox during the hiatus, we’ve introduced an FAQ - and people have evaded being blocked by making throwaway accounts, and we’ve had an incident of an individual making a new Discord account to evade a ban, and people don’t read our FAQ. It’s all really frustrating.
I think, for now, at least, we’re going to only open our askbox to non-anons - though this won’t do too much to prevent throwaways, it’ll at least convolute the means through which people can harass us. So apologies to the shy but kind individuals who had been using anon peacefully, maybe sometime we’ll open it back up again.
Additionally, I’ll like to just once again ask for anyone who hasn’t to check out FAQ, please. It’s in our pinned post for a reason.
Somewhat related to that - mostly that it’s something that’s been covered in the FAQ, is that I’ve noticed an increasing number of people who have been saying they discovered the comic via re-uploads on tiktok and pintrest.
And. Wow. That hurts. It hurts to know, to think about. I know it’s inevitable, trust me, I know this is just the inevitable result of posting anything on the internet, but god, it sucks.
I don’t know how many of you following this blog are artists, but it’s a big long topic that I don’t really have the space or patience to lay out for all of you in this post - this is art theft. We do not allow, we say it right in our FAQ point-blank, we do not allow people to reupload the comic elsewhere. Dubs are fine, again, we’ve covered this, they’re transformative, they offer an experience unique to just reading the comic. But un-voiced reuploads that do nothing but present the comic in a slideshow? That’s stealing. It’s hurtful, and it’s wrong. Both Lolly and I have dealt many times with our work being stolen and we’ve made our stances on reuploads of our work pretty clear on our own blogs.
Please, if you see someone doing this, report them. The only “official” accounts for the comic are this blog and our promotional Instagram page, swindle.comic. If an account is uploading the comic, un-dubbed, they do no have permission to do so, and they need to be reported.
I really don’t expect this to be the last time I have to say something like this or about this, because I know that this comic is going to take a long time to complete and so we’ll always have newcomers who can’t reasonably be asked to sift through the entire blog for posts like these. But for now, I hope it helps keep the interaction with this comic more respectful. I don’t think the people who do this stuff even realize that their behavior literally makes this comic more draining to work on than it should be (which leads to more burnout and hiatuses) - or I wouldn’t be making posts like this at all, because if they did know, they therefore wouldn’t care, and telling them would be pointless. So I hope this serves as a decent reminder that we’re human beings, and we and our work deserves to be respected.
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shiftersroom · 2 months
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hi thala! 💞 so sorry if you don’t accept this kind of asks but i just feel like i need to vent and your vlog is always reassuring and comforting.
currently i’m in this situation where i just want to get out of this cr and permashift to my dr asap, but it seems like i can’t stop self sabotaging myself and i’m so so tired of it. last night i was crying my heart out because of how bad i felt about it. i’ve been practicing meditation so i can enter the void and even though it seems like i learned to keep my mind awake and body sleep i haven’t been able to get past that and it’s so frustrating. i know there’s tons of methods and also everyone says i don’t even need one but i idk why i have this idea that i need some method to detach from my cr really printed on my mind. for the self sabotaging part, i can’t help but have trust issues regarding myself and the community, sometimes it’s my intrusive thoughts making me doubt about shifting being real/posible and other’s successful experiences (saying it must have been a lucid dream or they are just making it up and i really HATE and feel guilty to discredit their experiences in that way 😭) and other times my belief in shifting is unwavering but i don’t feel capable of it. i'm not even the kind of person who has ever had any “closer attempts” or mini shifts and has been really hard for me to find what works best for me, meditation is by far what i’ve been trying the most but i’m just so impatient that sometimes i can’t help but feel that i’m going nowhere. my mind is really so stubborn when it comes to trying to change negative thoughts.
sorry for all of this, i don’t have shifting friends or someone i can share this stuff with. i don’t usually tend to feel this way but last night i just kinda collapsed, it crossed my mind that maybe i'm wasting my time and that i should just give up but i don’t want to, if this shii is real i need to experience it no matter what. i want to be with the ones i love and live the life i want. i don’t want to stay here any longer. i want to try loa along with shifting but then again, my intrusive thoughts say that i’ll be just gaslighting myself and all that.
i know no one else can fix these problems for me, but i’m so scared of failure or just being delusional for believing in all of this. sorry again for the long vent, i needed to get this off my chest. love you and your blog so much thala. if you don’t really want to accept this because honestly is like a long ass and probably demotivating ramble it’s totally okay, but thank you for taking the time if you do. hope you keep being happy and having success with everything you do. 😭🫶🏻
hello 💕 please feel free to vent, i don’t mind.
i completely understand your level of frustration, i badly want to permashift too and i have little breakdowns every few months once it catches up to me that nothing has fully worked yet.
the void can take a long time to perfect. i mean monks spend decades learning to meditate! why don’t you try something other than meditation? if you’ve given it a good go and it hasn’t worked, it’s probably not the method for you. i recommend a short break before trying a new method. rn i’m writing an affirmation 100 times a day. but honestly if that doesn’t work i’m straight up gonna lay there and visualize for 8 hours every night. i’m getting out of here no matter what.
try asking yourself what you think will work for you - sometimes we know the answer but we need to sit down and think about it. for example i keep doing affirmations, or short visualizations. but i feel what will make me shift is just laying there and telling myself to stfu and visualize until i’m there, even if it takes hours.
as for the self sabotage, i cope with that by watching my favorite creators and realizing that no one in their right mind would upload years of unpaid content that most people would ridicule us for, all for it to be a lie or joke. especially older shifters. and the other thing i like to do is remind myself that if i shifted and came back, no matter how ridiculous the experience was it’d still be real - so even if you don’t believe someone bc it sounds outlandish, it can still be real.
i’m also scared of being delusional but i simply cannot and will not remain here. there is no other option for me, so i’ll persist forever. the first time i shifted i had no idea id shift. that keeps me motivated, i could feel awful and still wake up in my dr tomorrow.
forever posting this reddit post by someone who shifted after 5 years, this was my fave comment of theirs:
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and that motivates me even more - even if it’s fake i’m gonna make it real.
i also struggle with trying to change negative thoughts and my mindset, i’m in my mid 20s this stuff is harder to believe in at this age, and my mind has been tainted by years of bad experiences. but as hard as it is i’m forcing myself to get over it and try everything, bc i just need to shift once and all my bad experiences will be over.
i’m sorry if i gave you a big rant in return haha, but i hope this helps!! 💕 i’m so happy you like my blog and thanks for your sweet words 🥹
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diabeticasshat · 3 months
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SCOTT PILGRIM WRITING AU RAMBLE BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ART READY TO UPLOAD YET ( ARCHIVES MIGHT BE! )
✦ㅤ
Gideon sipped a cup of ice tea, it was a party he was invited to but has no idea who invited him. “ You’re not from around here, your eyes have seen things. '' An albino woman passed him by, her fingertips entrailed onto Gideon’s chin which made Gideon shiver to the core. He held to his cup uncomfortably, but he already felt attached to this woman, who is she? Had she met him before, his thoughts were overwhelming his brain.
It wasn’t long before he snapped out of it as Ramona tugged his arm and made him sit close to the floor, as if he was being tugged like a chain close to his neck. Maybe this is what he needed, his thoughts clouded his brain again.
Weeks passes by, Gideon starts to feel infuriated in the relationship as Ramona settles on her plans while not prioritizing him in the slightest. She would call him in the slightest of chores and sometimes would hug him in his sleep, but even that was so dreadful, he was like a plant that needed water but even that wasn’t a main necessity.
He started to cry which made Ramona coo at him for once, he was like a child that needed nurturing and his childhood best friend was slashing his face. “ What’s the matter? I had to stop writing record labels. “ Gideon limped himself to the floor, looking at Ramona with tethered eyes. The public couldn’t give him thousands of stares, but lay down embarrassment as his glasses fogged thinking of a chance to scream, to scream her name even beg for it.
All he let out was a downward look before Ramona up tightly used her hand and raised Gideon’s chin, “ Time is passing, by the time you’re done I’ve already finished 50 shades of gray, you need to stand up. “ A crowd started to blabber about what he was doing was straight up shameful which pulled Ramona to grab Gideon and they both rushfully ran towards the stairs and up to the corridor up the building.
“ You know, you could’ve spoked about it to me right? You have a mouth, use it. “
“ You don’t understand!- “
“ I DON’T? You don't understand how much I spend so much time getting into record labels just to give you what you want! “
“ I suggest behaving, and drink the pain away! Maybe then I could give you a treat. “
Gideon’s eyes went numb, as if someone was stopping him from speaking. He muttered a weak “ Yes Ramona, I’ll take your advice. “ Walked downstairs again as if he imprisoned himself, he was like a vessel and Ramona was the symbiote, it was a toxicity he couldn’t even escape from.
✦ㅤ
Ramona goes on a rampage while Gideon holds a bottle of whisky, in his point blank he shouted back, like a dog unfamiliarized with the world around him. They both shouted until their voice ran out, to the point Gideon was almost sober.
“ You only cared about me when it comes to MONEY! “
“ SO WHAT! MONEY GIVES HAPPINESS! “
“ Well, it is certainly ruining US both! “
“ I try to talk to you, you’re always toying around my shoulder and telling me ‘ We’re gonna be famous worldwide ‘, and only for you to perpetuate me to being a bassist and that’s all you want from me! ”
“ You’re of great importance, my dear, you have seen far lan- “
“ YOU’RE NOT MY DAD! “
Ramona obviously backed down from this, it’s like her eyes drooped as if she had one. She was a living beetle, as if she actually bitten him enough to the point his blisters were pointing out, making him act out.
“ Not all of us HAVE good dads, Ramona. ”
“ Some of us have abusive ones, and some of us are even lucky we get out ALIVE. “
“ If you bite my hand again, I’m gonna kick you in the shins. “
“ Look, Gideon, I didn’t know you felt like that- “
“ Well, be more wary of what other people feel next time. “
Gideon left with a sigh, and also left a note for Ramona to read. It was covered with the words ‘ RAMONA ‘, she squinted at the sight of it. She didn’t feel a twinge of regret but her curiosity peaked. Her dull eyes looked while noticing there was a stain of blood hit the note he wrote, finally, worry sparked inside of her, was he doing self harm in their relationship?
Their relationship is indeed self harm in itself, Gideon couldn't coo himself to feel better. He felt like he was trapped inside of his bubble. As if he cant photosynthesize if he’s around. She was a venus flytrap to him.
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Text
Exposed
Summary: Bond has to make a decision about someone he loves. 
A/N: Hello lovelies,
Oh my dear lovelies, oh sweethearts. I AM SO SORRY for going dark.
As some of you may have read from my last announcement, things got a bit hectic when my mom was in the hospital. It was a scary and crazy experience, she basically became paralyzed from her chest down. I’m talking about an extremely active woman who was on her feet working 10-12 hour days to not being able to move at all. 
We had to rush her to emerge and find out she had contracted some rare bacteria that affected her spine. Needless to say she was in the hospital for a month, and finally was discharged about three weeks ago and is now staying at my brothers. Which is great for her since he has a bungalow and makes it easier for her to move around as she’s learning to walk again. However, that does mean we have to travel a bit to visit her and take care of her when my brother and his family can’t. 
Anyway ... long story short, too late. I am back, I am going to try to catch up on some of our lovely stories. I also have a special surprise for you guys, which I’ll upload sometime this week. I’m currently working on Crosshair’s section of the Gym Membership and then SOTF, the Reunion and Upside Down, and I’m also going to be working on a one-off request that I received. Keep your eyes peeled for those. 
Thank you all for sticking around, for sending me love, and for checking up on me, you have all been super amazing and wonderful. 
A special thanks to @firstofficerwiggles​ and @ulchabhangorm​ for being my beta readers. Love oo.
Italics - flashback
Warnings: Mentions of kidnapping, blindfolded, smoking, prisoners, cages, feelings of mistrust, bleeding, injury, I think that’s it, if I miss anything please let me know. 
AO3 Link   |   DC Characters Master List   |   Main Master List
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The blindfold covering Bond’s eyes finally started to slip down after hours of the corrosive material rubbing against his eyelids, but if this little irritant put him off from his mission, he shouldn’t’ve been able to call himself a double O. 
It been more than three hours, closing on four, since he’d gotten into the first vehicle and the fabric was placed on his eyes. Since then, he’d been moved to two subsequent vehicles, each more uncomfortable then the one previous.
They were travelling across increasingly bumpier roads, from the cobble stones they started out on, to the rural roads he deduced they were currently on. With each bump he felt the rough material scrape across his skin, there was no doubt his eyelids would be rubbed raw by the end of the journey. 
Despite the increasing discomfort, he focused his attention on what was happening around him. 
As the car began to slow down, he expected a gentle stop, of course that was before his whole body shifted forward violently. He would’ve hit the seat in front of him, if he hadn’t engaged his core muscles doing his best to remain upright as the driver slammed on the brakes. He shifted himself back against the seat, as another vehicle slowly approached them.
The car that had been stifling since he’d been shifted into it, finally received a breath of fresh air, as he felt a rush of wind blow across his face and hair when the door flung open. 
Someone grabbed his arm with force, shifting him forcibly from his seat. This wasn’t his first clandestine meeting he attended, yet every time they always decided to yank the blindfolded person from a vehicle; come to think of it, he was guilty of that as well. There was an inherent expectation that the one blindfolded wouldn’t fall, and would be able to follow the silent instructions. 
Maybe just for fun, the next time he was going to fall to the ground just to throw them off, and chuckle at hearing them become all flustered. 
There was an eerie silence that seemed to hang in the air as he got out of the car, it wasn’t necessarily threatening or dangerous per se, but a seemingly tense atmosphere between the two drivers themselves, maybe an affair of the heart, or simply rivals for one thing or other. He concluded he was being transferred to yet another vehicle, as his guide pushed him forward, hopefully this would be the last vehicle transfer before arriving at his destination. 
His guide kicked his left foot, trying to push it up onto a ledge, he didn’t need much prodding as he stepped up doing his best to gain some form of balance, when he was shoved into the seat. There was no doubt it was an older truck, the cracked leather seats felt as though thousands of tiny pins were poking his butt as he shifted to find a somewhat comfortable spot. 
It didn’t take long to get them on the road again, the further they drove on, the more he was able to determine their heading. The bumps in the road had started to appear less and less, instead it became increasingly dusty from what he could gather as he breathed in more dust from the air vents. The noise from the city vanished completely and replaced by the sound of trees rustling in the breeze and birds squawking from above. As far as he could tell, they hadn’t passed another vehicle in the past thirty minutes, which could only mean they were in an even more isolated area then they had been previously.
The truck shifted gears as it began to slow down, the driver turning ever so gently before he decided to slam on the brakes, lurching him forward once again. He was seriously thinking about talking to whoever taught these guys how to drive. He was trying to brace himself before hitting the dash, only to be pushed back this time into his seat by his guide’s forearm; he wasn’t sure but there was a high probability he would have a bruise on his chest later. At least he could say there was some concern about his safety, relatively speaking.
The relative peace that had surrounded him was now replaced by the sound of various footsteps rushing towards the truck, when the door flung open.
“Get out!” The voice demanded without any further explanation or care. Either from the person’s lack of English or simply they didn’t wish to expand more than the two words because of the unbearable heat beating down against them, the breeze that he had enjoyed was now a distant memory. It hadn’t been so bad in the truck as they drove on their way, but now that it was idle, the lack of breeze, the humidity, and the sun bearing down on them started to feel stifling.  
Though he still couldn’t see much as he moved out of the truck, he was able to see something through the fabric covering his eyes, from the small opening provided by the shift of the blindfold. It was mostly outlines of objects, shapes that provided a hint as to what he was seeing against the bright sun and bluish-grey sky. 
He took in a deep breath, there was a hint of salt in the air brushing against his tongue as he licked his lips; so they’d been travelling closer to the sea. Possibly the Pacific Ocean side as the air wasn’t as salty compared to the Atlantic. The thickness from the rustling of the trees was no mistake they were somewhere dense, either near the border of the forest, or just on the edges of an abandoned village. 
The humidity surrounding him, simply reaffirmed his suspicions, it was thick and suffocating. They had driven closer to the coastline.
Someone grabbed his arm pushing him foward, he could hear sounds of people moving around him, out of his and his guide’s way. Not completely disappearing simply moving off to the side, as they whispered among themselves. He could feel eyes analyzing and scrutinizing his every move, waiting for an opportunity to strike, despite his hands still being restrained. 
As he walked along, his foot bounced off the corner of a box he estimated as best he could from the sound and movement of what he hit. His theory was confirmed as his guide shoved him down onto the seat. He adjusted himself as best he could, as someone cut the zip-ties binding his hands, seconds after his wrists felt sweet relief, his blindfold was yanked off without any concern. 
It took him a few seconds to adjust to the brightness, probably could’ve been worse if his blindfold hadn’t slipped, allowing his eyes to adjust even just a little.
“Bienvenido Señor Bond” the thick Spanish accent coming from the heavyset woman sitting in front of him. The structure in front of him, if he could call it that, provided enough shade for her and her table, leaving the rest of her people and Bond to experience the full heat of the sun. The air was filled with the smell of the cheap cigars she was smoking, the smell flowing over and encapsulating him, making him want to eliminate whoever invented those foul-smelling cheap cigars as he held back the bile that was rising.
He left off a light cough, doing his best to be his most charming self possible, “I’m grateful for the meeting Señora, it’s truly a pleasure to be in front of so much beauty ”
“A great pleasure as well, Señor Bond, I understand you are looking for information” she took a long drag from her cigar, the ashes flicking off in the breeze and creating more of the nasty smell. 
Bond nodded “As a gratitude for giving me the opportunity for this meeting” he motioned to the man beside him who had been carrying his bag, the same man he met in the city before they started off on the long voyage to the middle of nowhere, he must have been in the vehicles with him each time he transferred or travelled ahead of him, “a small fee to show my appreciation for the inconvenience this has caused you.” 
The man, loomed over them as he stepped closer, as tall and broad as he was, the man barely made a sound as he gently placed the bag in front of her. 
She eyed Bond, not saying anything as she took an even longer drag of her cigar, she motioned to one of her subordinates to open the case revealing it full of money.
“American?” She asked as the smoke exhaled through her mouth and nose.
“Of course”
She took another puff “What is the information?”
“Several days ago, a man travelled through the area with a backpack”
“There are many men who travel through this area with backpacks, Señor”
“Of course, however, I believe he is a guest of your wonderful facilities, currently” he motioned towards the rundown prisons, well what appeared to be prisons. They were mere barriers out in the open, simply branches tied together with rope, to form cages to keep the unwanted contained. 
She simply shrugged, “Perhaps, perhaps not.” She motioned with her cigar towards Bond, “Do you have a picture of this man?”
Without a word he pulled out a 4 x 6 picture of the man from his pocket. One of the requirements of meeting her was no technology was allowed. No cell phone. No laptop. No tablet. Nothing that could connect him to the outside world. 
Despite the oddity, it didn’t really matter to him why she was being extremely cautious, all he cared about was the reason he was there. He passed the picture to her aide who was waiting to receive the image, she leaned over taking a long look at the picture, taking another drag nodding slowly in agreement.
“You are correct, Señor Bond, this man is indeed one of our guests of our, as you say, wonderful facilities.”
Bond couldn’t help smirk at this fool’s misfortune, frankly he could care less about the predicament he found himself in, “I hope he’s enjoying his stay then, what I’m more interested in, is the backpack this man had with him.”
She hummed as she took another drag, the smoke flaring out of her nostrils, “Was there something special in this backpack?” Her eyes narrowed as she took in the man sitting in front of her, “If there was something my men overlooked…” her eyes narrowing on two men who were standing off to the side, as her anger flared along with her nostrils towards her men, “I would be very disappointed.”
James knew better than to show his hand, after all it wasn’t anything that was obvious to the untrained eye, “Not in the least, the backpack is in fact mine. The man stole it from me, and I simply wish to reclaim it back.”
Another hum from the woman followed his statement, as she took a final drag of her cigar, putting it out on an overfilled ashtray.
“Why so much money to simply retrieve what was stolen?”
“There is a copy of a book that was given to me by my late wife, it was the last gift she gave me before she passed away; it means the world if I was able to get it back.”
She called over one of her men, whispering to him, careful to not let her conversation be overheard. Within seconds the man brought the dull beige backpack, still intact, at least from what Bond could tell.
“Would you mind if I confirm it’s contents, I would hate for anything to be missing or for the book to have been lost”
She motioned for him to stand, as her men surrounded Bond from all areas, their eyes watching his every move. He opened it fully, the clothes neatly stacked on top, a dog eared book of ‘How to Kill a Mockingbird’ sitting there, along with a toiletry bag, he opened it seeing a razor, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, and shaving cream. 
“As you can see there is nothing special in this bag, except for the book. This was the book she left me before …” his hand caressed the book tenderly, before he zipped up the bag, looking as undisturbed as before, retaking his seat on the crate. 
“It appears so” her voice was weary.
“Thank you for retrieving my belongings, I would like to compensate you of course, for your troubles.” He put his hands inside his pockets, pulling out two stacks of a hundred American dollars placing them on the table in front of her, “There’s about $20,000 here, as a personal thank you.”
“Señor Bond you are quite good at making friends” she smirked as she slowly picked up the bundles, “Ernesto will take you back to the village. If you ever need my services again, I am more than happy to help.”
“Señora” Bond bowed, giving her his whimsical smile, as he followed Ernesto back to the truck, he sat down the backpack in between his legs, as he was blindfolded once again for the long journey back. 
- - - - - - - - - - - 
The book lay beside Q’s laptop as it’s front pastedown was peeled back, leaving only the indent of a microchip in its wake.
“Q, is the information compromised or not?” Mallory was annoyed as the youngish technician appeared to be taking his time with providing answers that he desperately needed.
“Don’t worry” Bond intervened, “Q’s probably confirming for the third time before he gives us any answers. You know how annoyingly diligent he can be.”
Q focused his attention back on the computer screen doing his best to ignore the comments; however he knew no amount of rechecking would change the answer that laid before him. He leaned back after reading the information for the third time, “Only one identity was compromised”
“Why aren’t you more concerned!” Mallory’s patience was at an end.
“Because it was compromised two weeks ago”
Silence filled the room, as the weight of what was discovered sunk in; the identity of their undercover agent was already revealed, the chances they were still alive were remote if even possible. 
Mallory leaned against the desk, his head hanging low between his shoulders. He’d prided himself on doing all he could for his agents, there would always be deaths in this field that was inevitable, but he always wanted to make sure they knew they weren’t alone. They had support, backup, as much as he was able to offer. 
“Who was it?” Mallory mumbled out as his eyes closed tightly, trying his best to squeeze out the shame and guilt he felt. No one realized there'd been a breach, until it was too late, and then finding out who breached their network, how it was breached took even more time. He failed them, and nearly had others killed. 
Q glanced from Mallory to Bond, a heaviness rested in his chest, the next words he was about to utter would change his friend’s life forever. He focused back on the computer, maybe he was wrong, maybe it was a different person with a similar name and same date of birth, who just happened to have taken over the same undercover name. After all he’s made mistakes before, this could just be one of those unfortunate blunders, it would be better to keep this between Mallory and himself, “Maybe we should …” Q was about to say ‘discuss this in private,’ when Bond cleared his throat.
“Q … say it” James wanted to be wrong, he wanted the name that popped into his head, the moment Q said an identity had been leaked, to be different from the name Q was getting ready to say. 
“007 …”
“Q. Say. It.” James’ voice was tense, his eyes focused on Q’s, taking notice of every twitch, the number of blinks, even every bead of sweat on Q’s face, it all told him a story. Told him to expect the worse. 
Q took the time to focus on Bond’s demeanour, there was no way around it. He wanted to know and no amount of coaxing or trying to pull the old ‘need to know’ routine would stop him. If he didn’t provide him with the information, he’d just break into his computer later and look for it himself, and the last thing Bond needed was a charge of treason. He let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes trying to calm the unpleasant dreary sensation in his heart. He nibbled on his bottom lip, hoping the numbing sensation would make it easier to say what he needed to, “It’s J, 007.”
“When did J …”
“J was recalled to active duty a year ago, specifically for this assignment.”
James could feel his heart racing, his blood pumping faster, he could feel beads of sweat being to form and climbing its way down his spine. 
The sun was breaking in through the window as James watched you sleep, he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face, as you scrunched your nose, trying to remove whatever irritated you, mumbling in your sleep. He’d been up for almost an hour, after he had the same nightmare yet again. He knew he should’ve woken you up, whenever he had the dream of your death, it was only you that could ease the pain in his heart; however this time just watching you sleep, peacefully, calmed his heart. It was a sense of peace and tranquility that filled him just lying there beside you. He did his best to memorize every millimetre of your face, wanting to make sure he didn’t miss a single freckle or blemish on your face. In that moment, as he lay beside you, he knew. Truthfully, he had known since the moment you walked into his life, but in that moment he knew he wasn’t going to run away from what he felt, he wasn’t going to tiptoe around the issue anymore. You were the one. You were the missing piece of his life. In that moment, he wanted to wake you up, and ask you to marry him. 
He felt Mallory’s eyes on him pulling him back to the present, as M looked between Q and himself. He was trying to quell the coldness enveloping him completely, James’ fists clenched by his side as a thousand different scenarios ran through his head. This wasn’t the first time you were in a crunch, but at least then he was by your side. 
You pressed into your side, praying and hoping to stop the bleeding as James provided cover. Things were looking bleak for the both of you, you were down to maybe five rounds, your extra magazine used and spent. Bond had taken one of your pursuers guns but even then, he was running low. 
“Okay, I bought us a few minutes” he rushed out, controlling his breathing as best he could. His eyes glanced over doing his best to assess your situation. “What do you say? Ready to make a run for it?”
You could only chuckle and offer a weak smile as he grabbed your arm, but you knew the chances of both of you making it out were slim, especially with your wound that didn’t want to close. The bullet was still in there, and pressing against your ribs. You grabbed his shirt with all the strength you had left, pulling him towards you, kissing him deeply one last time. 
James was shocked at first but didn’t hesitate as he deepened the kiss, you didn’t have to tell him, he already knew what you were thinking. This was your goodbye kiss, you were going to tell him to run and to leave you there to cover his escape; but there was no way he was going to do that, his hand shifted from the side of your face, he slowly flexed his wrist, popping out the the tiny dart Q had mounted into his watch before the mission,  and pressed it against your neck. 
As you felt the prick in your neck, you pulled back and pressed your hand against your neck, “Wha… wha… whhh…”
James watched as your eyes slowly closed and your head fell against his shoulder, “Sorry love” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “Can’t lose you.” He picked you up, and carried you to the extraction point, doing his best to stay ahead of the assailants.
Now wasn’t the time to panic, he needed as much information as he could gather, “Is it possible to contact J? Confirm in some way that J’s still alive?”
“J’s locator is no longer active. Even the communicator I gave is turned off. All the designated escape rendezvous arranged previously haven’t been used. There is one possibility, give me a minute, I’ll check …” Q’s words trailed off into nothingness as he focused his attention back on his computer.
Mallory stood from his position, it was not the time to be wallowing in self-deprecation. 007 looked as though someone punched him in the gut, or ripped out his heart. Not to mention, there was the possibility of an agent out there on their own for the past two weeks, that could very well need his help.
“You know this … J … personally?” Mallory asked keeping his voice low, as he subtly moved 007 away from Q allowing the genius to do his job.
“More or less” Bond responded, although he heard his voice answer Mallory, it didn’t feel like it was him that was actually talking.
“Meaning?”
“She’s my fiancé …” Mallory looked shocked for a second, before he was able to control his features once again; Bond didn’t draw attention to it, nor did he appear to really be paying attention to what he was saying at that moment. 
James looked around the room, making sure everything was perfect. The candles were lit, your favourite meal was on the dining room table, along with your favourite flowers. He was wearing the navy blue suit you loved, it was the one he wore when you first met, you always told him that image always lived in your memory. He felt for the ring box in his breast pocket. The nerves building as the thought of what he was about to do started to sink in. He always swore he’d never get involved with anyone again after Vespa, but you slowly broke down his walls, and pushed your way into his heart, and before he knew it here he was getting ready to propose to you. Now all he had to do was wait till you got home.
Something pulled James back from where his mind went, maybe it was the fact Q had stopped typing, or just having faith that J’d be okay, and there was no need to be lost in what-ifs. He cleared his throat, straightening and adjusting his tie, “Former. My former fiancé from years past.”
You stood on the street, as the rain pelted down soaking your and James’ clothes straight through. Your tears were welling up as your throat ached from the fight the both of you just had, James was doing his best to hold it together, seeing how much in pain you were from something he did. 
“I’m sorry! But you know this job … this life …”
Your fingers clenched around your engagement ring, “You promised me we would leave. We would both walk away from this job, from everything!”
James ran his hands over his face, “You know how difficult it can be …”
“Oh shut up! You claim to love me, you claim to I’m the one you want to be with, but if that was true you wouldn’t hesitate. Just admit James, you simply don’t want to be with me!”
“How can you say that? I’m here fighting to be with you!”
“Then leave! Leave with me!”
“You know I can’t. Not right now.”
“If you don’t leave now, you’ll lose me”
James closed the distance between the two of you, cupping your face in his hands, “Don’t. Don’t do this.”
You didn’t want to walk away, not from him; but if he wasn’t ready to make the commitment you weren’t sure you could wait around until he was ready. You had already waited five years just to be with him, and now just when you thought everything was finally coming together, it was all falling apart. 
Your hand slowly stroke his cheek, you brushed your lips against his pulling him closer. He didn’t wait or hesitate, he reciprocated making sure the kiss was as passionate and intimate, James didn’t want to think this was the final kiss he could ever give you. 
You pulled away, taking his hands in yours, you pulled off the ring and placed it in his hand. “I can’t do this when you’re not ready. I’m sorry.”
That was all you said as you left him standing there, James just watched you walk away, not sure of how to fix this.
Mallory didn’t say much, simply nodding his head. He knew the affairs of the heart all to well, he wasn’t going to pry into Bond’s past no matter how sorely he was tempted, “Are you able to handle this?”
James turned his head and locked eyes with Mallory, “Are you?”
“Very well, 007.”
Both regained their focus and steadied their nerves, Q looked up as he felt their gazes on him, he adjusted his glasses as he reviewed the information, “I triple checked all morgues, hospitals, law enforcement announcements, even underworld bounties, and I can neither confirm nor deny J’s alive … or dead.”
“Pardon me?” Mallory stated as his hand hitched on his waist, his anger needing an outlet. Not only had they been breached, but it appears it was a targeted breach against one particular agent that didn’t seem to have raised any red flags in their assignment. 
Q adjusted his glasses, not bothering to look at the very annoyed and confused expressions that no doubt rested on both of their faces, “If J were dead there would be a report of either an unidentified body, J’s undercover name or J’s real name, and if that wasn’t going to happen, then there would be a police report about a body found or a … piece found. However there’s nothing. There’s still a pretty large bounty on J, 750,000 euros. Which tells me two things, one - J escaped before the identity was revealed. Now how J knew the cover was blown, I couldn’t possibly guess. However, that brings me to number two, as of right now J’s escaped the clutches of whoever put the bounty. Otherwise, it would’ve been removed, not to mention there would be some form of notice on the dark web.”
“Okay that means J’s likely alive, but you said you weren’t sure about J’s death?”
“Well they could have found J and kept the bounty up to keep us thinking J’s alive when that isn’t the case. They could also be torturing J for information …”
Bond held up his hand, “Okay we get.”
“If J’s captured, then there’s nothing we can do.”
The air in the room went frigid, as Bond slowly turned his head to look at Mallory, “There’s always something we can do” his voice was terse as he addressed Mallory.
“I’m sorry 007, but you know the rules better than anyone. Captured and you’re on your own; MI6 will disavow all knowledge regarding your existence and activity. If J’s caught, there’s simply nothing I can do.”
The tension between the two seasoned men started to grow, one due to the power and position he held, limiting his ability to help an agent in need, the second due to his own feelings and sense of duty to the one who had held his heart far longer than anyone else since Vespa. 
Q held up his hand, “Before you two get into a testosterone filled match to decide which of you is bigger, I found something”
“Surprised you didn’t just wait till after” Bond smirked, appreciating the fact he could always tease Q no matter what the situation called for.
“I was tempted, but this is more pressing. I found a … as best I can describe it, some sort of distress code, on a back channel that hasn’t been used for a while.”
“What does it say?” Mallory was beginning to have doubts about this agent; first, why was only J’s identity that was revealed? Secondly, how did J survive? 
“Need extraction. No response in two weeks. Will go dark. Heima. J out.”
“When was this posted?” James hand clenched by his side, something wasn’t right. Heima referred to their home they were planning on building in Milford Sound, the remotest area of New Zealand.
“Sixteen days ago”
“J already went dark.”
“Question” Mallory couldn’t hold his tongue anymore, “If she was able to escape why didn’t she come back in? Why wait to get an extraction? Why wait to hear back? And why was J’s identity the only one that was leaked?”
Bond turned to look at Mallory, “Are you questioning J’s loyalty?”
“It does raise some concerns” Q offered reluctantly.
“I know J!”
“It bears some consideration, 007” Bond didn’t need to hear this anymore, he grabbed the equipment Q had laid out for his next mission; ignoring Q’s comment.
“Where do you think you’re going, 007?” Mallory was about to stop him but thought better of it.
“Heima” was all James said as he walked out.
Mallory looked at Q waiting for an answer, he simply shrugged, adjusting his glasses, “Did you expect anything less? I mean …” Q motioned with his hand to the door Bond exited, “Really?”
Mallory smirked, running his hand down his face, “Let me know when he finds J.”
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itsslivernotsilver · 2 months
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Ok dude I've been going nuts thinking about this show /pos
Since she's your fav, tell me about your favorite MIST moments PLEASE
ok hi sorry this took so long to answer i was overthinking everything and then i got distracted but this is literally the best question i’ve ever been asked omfg
honestly the main reason mist caught my eye is because i’ve always liked characters who are misunderstood by others. maybe it’s just projection but there’s something so compelling about character who can be surrounded by people who love and care for them, yet still feel isolated. when s2 finally released, i went on reddit (ew) to see how people reacted to her and it was split between “she’s cute i like her” and “oh my god she’s so annoying and terrible.” after that i loved her even more cause i got defensive lmao but all in all i just really like the premise of her character and i think she’s adorable and fun and she spices up the cast because sometimes they get a little monotone idk
so i don’t really feel like screen recording a bunch of videos and stuff so here’s some silly moments that i really liked in no particular order and then i’ll talk about other stuff
isn’t she adorable :)))
ok so one part that i really like is her convo with maddie about nostalgia in yair. something about this scene just hits really hard because she’s trying!!!! she’s really trying to connect with maddie in the only way she knows how. and it’s just never going to happen. there’s such a large gap between them that makes it almost impossible to fully understand one another. like. ok so maddie had been willing to empathize with her dad because while his upload was drastic, it was still her dad. she still has those bonds from before his upload and she can understand that he was once a person. but mist doesn’t have anyyy of that. she’s completely different and maddie can’t reconcile her digital-ness with her humanity because there’s not much to begin with. there’s a constant disconnect between the two and oh my GOD is it compelling your honor i love them so much
another thing that has always stood out was her fight with holstrom during apokalypsis and the aftermath. she immediately approaches holstrom with such fervor and she argues from a logical perspective, aka “you’re planning genocide, here’s the definition of genocide, my name is mist kim you killed my father prepare to die” type shit. but what ultimately gets her to rethink her views on him is that he frames his plan as saving a doomed society rather than committing genocide. the argument boils down to the main message of the show, “are UIs (and CIs) actually human and not just glorified corpses?” holstrom weaponizes her disconnect with nostalgia against her by calling it humanity’s fault rather than a Normal Human Emotion (also it’s super interesting how much he uses “us” when talking to her idk). and mist really struggles to reconcile the 2 perspectives she’s heard when it comes to nostalgia. she needs someone to inform her on things like social cues and human experiences because she’s never felt them. she tries to connect with maddie once again by saying “we talked about nostalgia, just like you and i” but maddie is obviously upset because she’s annoyed that mist simply can’t understand a lot of nuances regarding the importance of the physical world. i think maddie’s biases really shine here because of how quickly she shuts down mist rather than caspian who’s just like. sitting there the whole time lmao. she’s so set on labeling holstrom as genocidal because the two options he’s giving humanity are death or uploading, both of which are underneath living normally to her. mist, being a CI herself, gets that uploading isn’t necessarily the end all be all of life, and is “more open” to holstrom’s ideas of nostalgia being the true genocidal factor. i think this line from the short stories also adds a little flavor here, specifically “the way the shapes of her decision algorithms seemed adapted for the methods of warfare.”
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obviously there’s a lot more expansion in the show but i feel like it’d be cool to mention this. she charges at holstrom harshly, but upon learning more information, she heads back to maddie and caspian to rethink the plan of attack, which is pretty warfare-y to me but idk i just thought it was a fun little connection.
finally i wanted to mention her plot line with the CIs real quick because it felt like a culmination of her whole character yk???? she’s fighting for a world where she can be with the UIs and humans she cares about, but she can also be with those who can fully understand her. it’s such a defining cause for her character and it’s just so well done. anyways i think that’s it for now but i just think mist is really neat and so is her sibling dynamic with maddie :)))
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jolapeno · 10 months
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hii! this might be quite personal and I mean no offense but how do you write so much? do you block time out (and how do you write so well?) I need to know!!!
I’m sorry I’ve sat on this one for a few days anon! my personal life has been a shit-show and I always worry if I respond when im under stress my British-wit/snark comes across as bitchiness 😂 because what I want to say is—
poor mental health + shit sleeping routine + a head full of stories
but that sounds flippant, doesn’t it? even if I mean it in jest. so I sat on it to give you and anyone else that will read this, the below insights into me, jo. a person you may follow, someone you may check in on but don’t follow, or someone who makes you seethe from a corner hahahah.
one. I have always created stories in my head. which sounds cliche, but it’s true. i assume there’s some psychological explanation like avoidance because I don’t have the tools to deal with real life or that I prefer the version of myself in my head than irl. but that’s point one. my head is full of them. and for as long as I can remember, on and off, it’s always been there. I didn’t always write, admittedly, but I thought about them. maybe made my dolls reenact them or created the story on the sims.
two. point one leads nicely into point two, but I find life very overwhelming a lot of the time. I cope, I function, but writing helps me so much. so I tend to do it daily. I physically can feel when I haven’t—like there’s too many voices, too many things bursting around inside of me. it’s how I cope with my mood disorder, and I’m happy to say 8/10 it works. (this is partially why I don’t get fazed by numbers, im going to write regardless if I share it, and if I do share it, there’s zero expectation from me anyone will read it. it’s more a gift from my brain to your day, you know?)
three. because of point two (see a theme here) I struggle to sleep. a good day for me is six hours. a bad day is three. somewhere in the middle I tend to cope and function. sometimes, when life is really fucking hard, I’ll have eight hours and you can tell—because I actually do not write. it usually means I’m burnt out, honestly.
four. more pleasant now, less scene setting than before, but I plan out things. before I share a series I’ll bank a handful of chapters in case my muse fucks off on vacation (the wench) and I’ll always write an ending so I can go about writing out of order (because I do not write anything in order, not a chapter, not a series or a one shot). so mainly, I find a routine that works for me. I cannot force myself to write chronologically, so why bother? you know? circles don’t go in square holes and all of that.
five. I’m rigid with my upload dates. yes, for lovely followers this means waiting, and for me this gives structure — which helps massively with points one to three. but it also buys me time. it gives me the chance to sit in my feelings when I share a chapter, and think logically about what I want the next chapter to feel like. I also like having dates associated to characters in my head, because it gives me some focus of when I should share it.
six. I can write on my phone, at a laptop and in a notebook. the phone one helps massively as I can do so anywhere and any place. this has meant long drives provide oneshots you all love, chapters have been written on planes and things that make you all hate me are written in bed, in the dead of the night, while the rest of the world sleeps. but again, I found a system that works for me. writing at night is my best and most productive time, so I had to adapt to be able to do so effectively without making my husband worry about me.
seven. surround yourself with people who don’t judge you for writing copious amounts. I’ve tried to do the fitting in thing, I’ve tried to dilute myself, and I’ve tried to lessen uploading because of comments “friends” have made or asks I’ve gotten. find people who celebrate you even one on one, because that’s when you’re creativity will really bloom.
eight. I mentioned earlier about process, but I have a process that works for me in terms of plotting. I do a few rounds of different things which I call skeleton, muscle and then skin. but my friend ( @thetriumphantpanda hi babe) loves to create mood boards before she begins. we all have processes and it’s finding one that works for you. my process helps me share all the things I do with you.
nine. I tell the story I want to tell. I pour my heart out onto a screen because I want too. and because im pleasing myself first and foremost, it allows me to feel creative. for the only time in my life, I am in control and I get to put myself first.
ten. I love writing about love. I love grand gestures, and small little moments; I love big speeches, and I also love the head turn and a simple, you’re not too bad you’re not. I love it all. and because of that, I fucking love what I do on here.
so, to answer the question what started all of this off, I write so much because I love what I do, because I can, and because i do it for me first with the secondary hope I make one persons day. that’s it. that’s my baseline, one person outside of me. the rest is just a bonus.
so, find the thing you love to write about, and just write it. take your time. there’s no right or wrong way to do it. write ten words a day or a hundred or a thousand. spend days moving a full stop or a comma or weeks thinking an idea over but not making a single note.
however you choose to do it, make sure you have fun. because otherwise, it’s just a job, and we already have to give to much of our days to that as it is.
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