#so while yes they still have their memories and personalities
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I want to talk about a kind of troubling reaction I've been seeing to both Apology Tour and Ghostfuckers among parts of the fandom. The person is usually a reaction youtuber but sometimes someone writing on tumblr or twitter. They say something along the lines of "oh, I'm glad Blitz is being forced to confront his crimes/traumas/pain. This is the only way he will finally heal."
That's not how healing works.
I know that reaction youtubers don't always have the most developed takes because they're . . . you know . . . reacting in the moment. But I think it's still worth talking about.
I'm going set aside the people who seem to believe that Blitz needs to be punished for his crimes, and address those who genuinely think that getting a tidal wave of his own trauma in his face is what he needs to heal.
There's an attitude in contemporary culture that traumas are something people need to confront. As in, put on a brave face and dive in like a big boy. I blame capitalism, rugged individualism, and all the pieces of media that tie up a character's arc neatly by having them confront their darkest fears and insecurities. It can put a nice bow on things, but it isn't really how healing from trauma works.
Apology Tour:
Blitz gets confronted by a shit ton of people who hate him, at least some of whom are his exes, who he feels he's personally damaged. The decor and party games are all about killing and torturing him. Verosika confronts him about how much he hurt her. Oh, and then he sees the love of his life, who he's just recently pushed away, making out with another guy- proof, in his eyes, that Stolas is happier without him. And this all reflects the underlying fears he already has about who he is as a person (shown to us by Truth Seekers).
So what was the takeaway? Blitz came to the conclusion that he doesn't always want to be like this (good, but like . . . worth this much pain?). He flops on his steering wheel (relatable). He stops trying to reach out to Stolas (uh oh . . . ). He spends A MONTH spiraling in his own misery and making a mess of all aspects of his life until he's dragged out of it by a caring friend.
The party doesn't empower Blitz to change. It knocks him down and fucking traumatizes him (seriously, images of Stolas from the party show up later in his trauma reel) too much for him to be able to do actually work toward said change. I suspect that if left to his own devices, he would have kept spiraling for quite a while longer. It's one thing to want to change, and another to try to do so alone in the aftermath of a pile-on.
Ghostfuckers
After Blitz drags himself out of his hole of cheesy ice cream and despair to "play sex ghosts" (escapism, again, still knocked down by Apology Tour), infester demon Rolando picks him out as an easy target and assaults him, yes, assaults, with horrific images of his worst traumas and fears.
Not to state the obvious, but Rolando isn't interested in helping Blitz heal. He's trying to kill the guy. He wants to engulf Blitz in his trauma to the extent where he's consumed by it and loses the will to fight back. And as some excellent posts by others have pointed out already, he very likely would have succumbed if not for Millie's support.
Millie helps Blitz get through the onslaught by telling him about what makes him great and how he's improved her life and showing him love and care. And by literally beating the fucking infester out of him. Because there's someone in him who's hurting him, who's re-traumatizing him against his will. She takes him away from the reel of horrible memories.
So . . . do I think that confronting traumas can play a role in healing? Sure. But only if it's consensually (which neither of these situations are) and when the person trying to heal is ready. And most likely in small doses. No one's going and successfully confronting every horrible thing that's ever happened to them in one go.
And in my humble opinion, it's not going to work (for anyone, but especially not for Blitz) alone and without a healthy dose of kindness and compassion (both external and internal).
Blitz has a long road ahead of him toward healing, and it's going to be hard work on his part but also require love and support from the people in his life.
In a wonderful moment near the end of Ghosfuckers, Blitz and Millie work together to get Blitz's wrecked van unstuck and push it back through the portal into Hell. I love it because it's so simple and it kind of tells us everything we need to know. This sweet and salty gremlin has a lot of work ahead of him, but he doesn't have to do it alone.
#ghostfuckers#apology tour#blitz#blitzo#blitzo buckzo#millie#rolando#stolitz#verosika#my helluva meta#helluva boss
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Dog Tags and Damnation
Soda steps through the door as quietly as he can. Unwilling to wake the boy on the couch. Ponyboy was so exhausted that he couldn’t even manage to make it upstairs so he’d simply dropped onto the couch, practically guaranteed to wake up tomorrow with a killer hangover. He twists over in sleep, groaning a little and revealing a silver chain that slips out of his shirt to pool on the cushion below him.
Soda’s dog tags.
Bile comes up his throat and tickles his taste buds as he sways. He puts a hand on the wall to avoid falling.
He didn’t take those tags off for nearly a year. He couldn’t. If he was killed they would need those same dog tags to identify his body. Those tags would be the one to tell his brothers he was never coming home. Those same tags that watched him defile his parents' memory of the sweet little boy they had raised. Those same tags that hung around his neck as he did horrendous things, things that he would never ever breathe a word of to his brothers. Even if it killed him.
Those same tags that he had hurled at Ponyboy nearly five days ago out of anger and frustration. Why couldn’t Ponyboy just leave him alone about this? Growing up, Soda always knew when to push Pony or when to back off, why couldn’t Ponyboy just return the favor?
Both Darry and Ponyboy knew he had come back different. Darry had noticed but never said anything about it, but Ponyboy had taken a crack at it a couple days ago. Accusing him of using drugs to escape himself or some bullshit like that. It was those damn psychology courses he was taking at his fancy university.
Then Soda had just laughed at him. Trying to crack a joke and say he should become a psychologist instead of a writer. Ponyboy had only gotten more upset, the tips of his ears going red as he tried again to push the issue, all while Soda deflected. Instead jerking past him to grab the chocolate milk out of the fridge, taking a swig straight from the carton. He had just finished a shitty day of work, he didn’t want to have a conversation about how shitty he was at being a brother too.
Obviously frustrated, Ponyboy trudged on, trying a different tactic than the blatant observation of how Soda was killing himself with drugs.
“You can talk to me, you know Soda? About anything, you’ve always been able to talk to me, even when we were kids You can still talk to me, now isn’t any different.” Soda wanted to rip out his hair and scream and then maybe beat someone half to death because it was different. Of course it was different.
Ponyboy was different from Soda. He was good. Despite everything that had happened in his life, Ponyboy still found time to look at the sunset and read books and even write poetry. Despite everything, Ponyboy was still the same smart, talented, sensitive kid he’d been all his life. Losing their parents hadn't changed that, losing their buddies hadn’t changed that, and Soda was sure that even if Ponyboy had to complete a tour in Vietnam, he’d still come out the same poetry-writing, sunset-watching kid he’d always been. And he would continue to be like that, no matter what happened.
So no, it was different. It was completely different.
Soda was different. Anytime something terrible had happened in their lives, Soda had changed. A piece of him was chipped away and a mottled scar was left in its place. His parents death made him into the family bawl baby. His buddies' death had made him into a manipulating bastard with a colder outside shell. His tour in Vietnam had made him into a lot of things. It had made him into a broken shattered mess of himself, unable to find the pieces of his personality scattered on the ground. But the biggest and ugliest thing it had made him into was a killer.
So Soda had tried to become some semblance of the person he was before this ugly stain on his life. He tried to say it kindly, he really did.
“Yes it is Ponyboy.” He started gently. “I thought you were smart with all those fancy college classes you’re takin’ but you can’t seem to see that everything is different now.” He couldn’t quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. “I’m going to bed.” He decided with finality, having no desire to finish this conversation. Ponyboy gave a loud choked noise.
“I don’t need those college classes to tell me something is wrong with my brother!” Pony shot back. “Why can’t you just tell us! Why didn’t you talk to me! Why didn’t you tell me you got shot!?” The last question comes out as a desperate hysterical scream. Pony is crying, but he’s trying so hard not to. Soda turned sharply from his spot on the stairs.
“How’d you find that out?” He said quietly, almost dangerously.
“I know when something is wrong with my brother Soda.” Ponyboy says simply before relenting the rest of the details. “I got your medical records pulled from the draft office. The officer there told me.” Before Soda can register what he is doing he is down the stairs eye to eye with Pony in some sort of stand off.
“You had no right to do that you little son of a bitch!” Ponyboy doesn’t rise to the bait, insteading squaring his shoulders like he was expecting this sort of reaction.
“Why didn’t you tell us Soda? Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you. I still want to help you.” Pony asks, grabbing weakly at Soda’s wrist. Instead Soda jerks away, shoving his brother a little as he bites out a curse.
“You couldn’t have done shit!” He snarls.
“Is this what the drugs are for?” Pony asks.
Soda doesn’t answer, instead biting out another curse while Pony keeps trying. They yell back and forth at each other for a while before Pony brings up their parents. How they wouldn’t have wanted their little war hero turning to pot and heroin and god knows what else. Soda blanches, his fists faltering a little bit. Bringing up their parents was a low blow. Finally Soda does the only thing he can think of. He rips off his dog tags that had been hanging around his neck.
“If you and mom and dad up there think I’m such a war hero then you can wear them!” He hurls the dog tags at Ponyboy and before he can see the aftermath, he’s trudging outside to the car and storming off.
Now he’s still standing at the door. His eyes on Ponyboy's ungreased hair, flopping a little over closed eyes. This fight was five days ago, they had since made up. Soda didn’t know he was actually going to wear those dog tags.
The same ones he’d rubbed while shooting at kids younger than Ponyboy. The same ones he stared at during the long rainy nights, nothing in his stomach, thinking of his middle name. Patrick, like his grandfather. His grandfather was buried at home. The same home he longed to be.
Those dog tags had been with him through so much pain and misery. They had sat on his chest while he watched unspeakable horrors unfold, stories of destruction, blood, violence, and death. He hadn’t realized what those dog tags meant to him until he watched them tangle around Ponyboy's neck.
Because he was glad.
He was glad Ponyboy would never have dog tags of his own. He was so thankful that Ponyboy would never have dog tags sit on his chest as he witnessed destruction and death. And though he knew it would never change the kid, he was glad it didn’t have to happen nonetheless. He was glad Ponyboy could go on reading poetry and looking at sunsets and writing books instead of sitting in an early grave. Or worse, coming back like him. Soda was so glad that the dog tags around Ponyboy’s neck read Sodapop Patrick Curtis instead of Ponyboy Micheal Curtis.
A second submission for day 3 of @outsidersweek
#the outsiders#sodapop curtis#ponyboy curtis#darry curtis#dallas winston#the outsiders musical#two bit mathews#steve randle#the outsiders broadway#johnny cade#jason schmidt#rob lowe#fanfiction#A03#Vietnam#Sodapop in Vietnam#i love sodapop curtis with my whole heart#Kay’s fanfiction
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oh okay heres one:
"sleepaway camp"= you go there for at least a few days, a week, sometimes several weeks, and sleep there, as opposed to a """camp""" where you go for the day and your parents or whoever picks you up afterward (those arent really camps, but like. idk when i went to "space camp" it was a weeklong but not sleepaway). in the U.S. at least, the typical image of a sleepaway camp involves staying in cabins, dunno how common it is/what it looks like in other countries.
for the first few i just mean like. not necessarily a stealth church camp, just like. idk, a camp where theres also an Assumption Of Christianity and just general vibes without being actually church camp. So, there might not be daily services and jesusy dedicatwd activities, but maybe theres still a prayer said over meals and shit. Which i assume might exist...
(oh and @reblogforsamplesize if u wanna)
#buzzy#poll#polls#personally: yes i went several times#and i enjoyed it bc. camp!!! yay!!!#but the Church part of it. complicated feelings on that matter#mine were all weeklong camps#went every year for a few years i hink#it was fun bc again YAY CAMP!!! and the ones i went to were like huge things#they had cool water stuff like The Blob and waterslides and some fun games and shit#you could do paintball#and i wasnt like. NOT christian at the time. but i also Wasnt Really Feeling It#i was mostly into it bc. camp.#...maybe i should have asked my parents if i could just go to one of the normal summer camps instead lmao#like the 6 week ones or st#that coulda been fun ....#so my answer is Its Complicated#i did like. participate in the jesus side of things. but i was also kinda knowingly faking it u kno?#i remember one time during a service i started having a bit of a panic attack (mostly bc of the MASSVE crowd. this was a huge ass camp)#but i still had to like. stay. still do everything. my pastor was being nice about it but still was like :( well you cant leave#i remember that was the day we did some shit outside w torches#like. carrying torches in a big procession like some sorta ritual thing ig. fuck if i know.#and i was like crying while following the procession and trying to stop#(the crying STARTED un the megachurch extremely loud giaant speaker GET PUMPED UP!!! area and continued to the torches)#thars my stringest memory from church camp aside from when i fcking DEMOLISHED the frozen t shirt game#(they gave a few ppl on stage frozen t balled up shirts and it was like 'okay first one to unball it and put it on wins!!!')#(and while the two boys i was up against started trying to tear it open with their hands i just#(in my cute lil butterfly shirt and pretty skirt started SMASHING IT AGAINST THE GROUND FULL BODY AAAUUGGHH and broke that shit)#(i was sooo proud of mysekf and my oastors wife thiught it was Unladylike of me but i fucjing won. the boys copied me after a sec)#(but it was too late i won :) anyway yeah like i said mixed feelings u kno. anyway go blue beetles woooo!!!!!
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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Alright council i have SO MANY THOUGHTS but I started typing them in the tags before I realised how many I had... Good time to learn there's a tag cap... Anyway I'd love to world build on this a lot more bc this is interesting!!! This is so long that I have to page break it 😭😭 why am I like this
Okay tw under the page break: death, grief, a tiny bit of implied gore
So many things to explore with the different SKs and their reactions to discovering it, to the actual event of shad dying, to the aftermath where they'd be forced to give up their power and their immortality to end the pain of basically being suspended in the time between living and dying or deciding to keep the power as it slowly dwindles and destroys their bodies bit by bit. Torn to shreds because they were so full of greed. Living through every ounce of pain that came until it finally ended. A warrior to the end, no?
I'd love to see if I could write smthn with this concept. I'm thinking of all the options I'd have. Like how does laur find out? Through vylad (a comrade), before the fight? Or Gene in the middle of the battle, a shock that gives gene enough time to knock laurance down and remind him of everything he's gone through to get here, how much he's lost and how much hes had to give up for the ones he loves, how much he's been pushed to the side for the village's gain?
Would Laurance reconsider, turn on aph or Garroth? Would be hesitate to kill them, let gene do it instead and tell laurance it was his fault they died so brutally, that laurance could have done it himself if he wasn't so afraid? Or would he double down, get stronger, fight harder, and win? Why, because he thinks he's okay with dying for them? Or does he think it's the only way he can save them from every bad thing that laurance represents? Does he defeat Shad because he thinks it is the only way his soul could be redeemed by Irene, to be the end of her lost lover's reign of terror, to end the existence of these demonic bodies that were corrupted and twisted from their original forms?
Furthermore, how would aphmau and Garroth react? Would they find him before he fully died or would they find him after, slowly decaying with a peaceful smile stuck in his face? How would they tell the others, the village, the alliance? What would they say of him when he was gone, how would they celebrate him, how would they remember him? Would he be forgotten in the history books, another faceless admirer of the new Irene?
Some random other questions: would Laurance meet ungrith in some sort of limbo or would ungrith already be born again? Or would laurance's soul be devoured by the fates as a payment because of how long he kept it after he died? Maybe he becomes a ghost like Malachi, doomed to walk within the borders of Phoenix Drop unseen and unheard for years, decades, forever...
Would aphmau and Garroth grieve together or would they end up blaming each other, or themselves, for laurance's choice and for not knowing until it was too late? Would they ever know if he suffered as he died again? how long he was there dying, if it was cold and quiet in their absence or if the burning of the nether and screaming of the souls be the last thing he heard-- a demented lullaby to sooth his aching soul to rest...
Ahem as you can tell I think a lot about laurance... Please tell me any of this made sense...
Ps I literally can't fandom tag this other than aphmau and aphmau Minecraft diaries bc of HOW MANY THOUGHTS I HAD HELPPPPPP THERES STILL MORE BUT MY PHONE IS LAGGING SO HARD
This post is relating to the thoughts that @laurencezvahlslefteyebrow, @xerith-42 and I have been discussing. Somehow the brain rot has progressed to me completely losing my shit.
okayokayokay
We were talking about what would happen to Shadow Knights if Shad were defeated and he died. And I have sososo many thoughts.
But this ones a bit hard to explain.
Shad's presence is necessary for Shadow Knights to exist. His being is what keeps them in motion, so in turn, you'd think the Shadow Knights would die once Shad does.
I know @xerith-42 was thinking the difference would be between Premature SKs and Full ones. However, I think it's more dependent on how the SK was formed.
I think Shad's control is necessary for undead shadow knights. His spirit has to be around for Undead SKs to be "alive," seeing as he literally has to revive them. If Shad dies; and his spirit is gone, the undead shadow knights finally get to pass on. I think it would be more of a relief, even to those like Gene. Especially to those like Gene. He barely has any autonomy left, so once Shad is gone, he can finally think for himself, even if it's in some world beyond.
This is all different for transformed/living SKs. They are still alive, and still have life energy. Shad is only a part of them, not their entire being. So, once Shad is gone, they aren't shadow knights anymore. However, they aren't human. They are... something else. Something more empty. To be transformed, something is ripped from their soul, and replaced with something from Shad. So, when Shad is gone, that part of them is gone, and it's not replaced with anything.
So, Living SKs survive once Shad is gone, but they almost transform into something else. Something we haven't seen before. I'm not sure what that is yet. I really want opinions on what this would look like, especially in Laurance.
Council, your thoughts?
#aphmau#i think it would make sense that immortal SKs would either die on the spot when shad dies#(which btw is so funny to think of. like ppl are fighting shad but you don't know so ur just chilling and then BAM ur organs stop#ded)#but it would also be kinda sweet to do the same thing that zoey did#they lose the immortality and all the powers that come with being a shadow knight#so while yes they still have their memories and personalities#they also know they can rest bc now they can die#id imagine some would move somewhere new and try to live a new life until they grow old and die#others... might not be able to handle being so suddenly stripped of the only security and bond they had with another being#but then you get to Laurance who is just fully confusing#so he died and was revived so he is “undead” and hes a SK (form calling and all)#so how would someone like him (or any other SKs that havent gained immortality) work?#would it be the same rules or would something different happen?#in the theory that SKs turn into a monster without Shad would it be only for full SKs or all of them?#what if (and hear me out)#the team finds out (however) that laurance would die along with shad (in a horrible retelling of the pain of his og death) bc#he didnt have the immortality buffer like full SKs do! so maybe the full SKs would spend their immortality as the price to fill the void#and laur doesnt have that so he'd have to decide to kill his loved one/lord (which could include garroth AND aphmau) or die with shad#and yk he'd chose to die bc as much as he wants to live#he knows he couldn't live without them#and he wouldn't want to give his village that pain of seeing the one who murdered their lord and head guard#he'd never be able to face his friends again#let alone levin and malachi and all of the kids who looked up to him#he'd have a whole scene of actively dying and asking aph and garroth to tell the village that he tried#and that he was good#because all he ever wanted was to be goid enough for his people#and if he can only get that after he dies then thats okay#aphmau minecraft diaries#aphmau mcd
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Fascinated by how many people are picking the Daycare Attendant on that poll, I would have been soo scared of Sun
#i think sun would've liked me though which is a fun thought#i was always like the least chaotic to the point of always having to wrangle in the other kids my age#some of my earliest memories are... demanding a toddler my age to drop a sharp object#running after my friend who was ringing all the doorbells while i apologized to every person who answered their door#stopping a for-fun rock fight. twice at least#walking my friend home and comforting them after they got hurt#my mum also told me i've never thrown a temper tantrum in my entire life#oh telling my friends not to play by the fast river or frozen pond. yes i KNOW it's ice. it can BREAK. AND THE POND'S ON PRIVATE PROPERTY#[softly] why are you climbing so high up the tree#ohhh right yeah i forgot i also ended up having to help that kid get back down off the tree. just remembered#i was not the fuck around and find out kid. i wasn't about to let anyone else find out either#I COMPLETELY WENT OFF COURSE INTO NOSTALGIA. EXCUSE ME. my point WAS... i would have made it my goal to help with Sun's job#still wouldve been a little scared of him though
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OC-tober (late) Day 7: Personality
Guess who finally watched ATLA
#oc-tober#bweirdoctober#bweirdoctober 2023#oc: fross#oc tag#deni's stuff#deni's art#oc art#i believe artekai would find something to relate to in most of the gaang BUT would not like anyone from the fire nation#bc they're carja coded. yes yes artekai has forgiven the carja but it would still bring back horrible memories#fross tho. pretty sure he would latch onto zuko and only zuko like a leech#i like to think he watches it while in sirius with stanley bc. well. things get boring as an immortal.#so i like to think they start catching up on any old media they have in the apollo archives. just like in general. that's my headcanon#so anyways. they are watching a/tla but then they get to the moment when zuko realizes he betrayed the one person who ever believed in him#and fross is like ''hmm. don't like that.'' so he shuts down the holo and he's like ''welp! too bad there are no more episodes''#and stanley is like. what. it can't end like that. and fross is like hmmm well it does. it does end like that#and stanley is like. there are more episodes in the episode list. and fross is like. ah. well. those are the lost episodes#there was a fire at the. factory. in the archives where they keep the cartoons. they are no more we can't watch them#and stanley's just like hmm. none of what you said sounds right. fross are you okay? i know what happened to your aunt-#and fross is like SHUT UP YOU STUPID ASS!!! THERE ARE NO MORE EPISODES!!!!! sorry i yelled at you please don't leave me 🥺#and that night when stanley is asleep fross sneaks out and wipes out the rest of the episodes from the apollo database#anyways who do you think fross ships zuko with? i have three guesses#one is sokka bc he fits fross's perception of kai best. so it's like shipping frosskai to him#(which is funny because. while kai DOES relate to sokka he would INSIST he's way more of an aang. kai and fross get into fights about this)#the second one is mai because. idk. i see him being into it. can't explain it#and my third guess is just his own oc. he makes his own oc to ship him with zuko#i love the thought of fross having even littler guys of his own LMAO. come one he's lived 900 years he's GOT to have made ocs#oh ALSO i was going to draw stanley in the background but he wasn't turning out like i wanted him to so i just left the anime girl. sorry#OH I FORGOT i also wanted to add. very fitting that i made fross's shadow a prince huh. i think i really did something there
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If there's one thing I like more than time travel it's crossover reincarnation, so.
Botk link reincarnated as Damian Wayne.
An incredible weapon master of all types, but especially prodigious with a sword - he was beating knights at the age of 4 and with his memories as intact as they get for him I can see that goalpost moving even further (probably with traps and tricks, a 3yo doesn't exactly have great bodily control).
He's an excellent survivalist, agile, strong, durable, cunning and creative. He can move like a feather in the breeze, strike from behind with ease. His first kill, an animal, did not stir him as it did the other children. With his poise, grace, skills, obedience, he ought to be ra'as' finest assassin in the making, a jewel in the crown of the league.
Except he never speaks a word. Half his targets escape unscathed. He skates by true punishment on the merit of his skills and achievements in other missions. Testing has shown it is not a physical deformity that prevents his speech, but not even talia has been able to coaxe a word from him past his second birthday.
It is a defect ra'as is growing more and more frustrated by, as each attempt to fix these two final flaws ends in resounding failure. Less extreme solutions are running dry.
Talia fears those solutions. Her child does too, she knows. For them, there is a possible solution, more extreme than anything ra'as would tolerate.
She sends him out of the league. To his father.
To Gotham.
#'gee phoenix that sure sounds like that dp x dc you're normally rattling on about' yeah lol I steal tropes and sell them on the black market#Anyway this has been slowly rotisserie-ing in my head for a while I just like shaking canon like a magic 8 ball#I'd love to explore how link would react to Gotham and how he might see getting suddenly dumped in a found family as the youngest#And how that contrasts with both his expectations in the league and his role as the saviour last hope of a whole country#Because that kid cannot have a modern interpretation of killing. Like monsters? Kill with prejudice loot the corpses.#The yiga might have a little more hindsight understanding and he never killed them anyway but zero hesitation blowing them up#And ganon is so far removed from the concept of 'killing is bad' because a) human??? Monster??? B) literally the problem#C) he's been killing people so it'd even out d) everyone wants him dead So Bad e) been killed already like a dozen times what's one more#I get the feeling he'd assign the same role to the joker like 'widely considered the source of all evil. 'died' several times and came back#personal source of absolute misery for several heroes. Killed many' = slay the monster. Straightforward.#Like yes link always chooses kindness and has a strong morality and Opinion on killing people it's just a lot would be solved#By hitting the joker until he stopped making life miserable for everyone and if that means permanently well that's kind of link's job.#And like with Jason the bats understand that a lot better than they pretend to. But that is a 10yo who should not be thinking like that.#I think it'd be interesting to see how that'd change their reactions to 'Damian'. Like he holds a very similar opinion to og and Jason he#Just goes about it completely differently.#And I'd love to explore the differences between two fictional worlds and how they can go from pretty much the most black/white morality#To probably one of the greyest areas while still holding near identical themes and methods of dealing with that.#Found family compassion as a weapon against evil and copious amounts of weapons and cool gear lol#Also link should keep the arm he's earned it. Reincarnating with all his memories knocked a few other things loose I'd imagine#Mostly because all the loz games I've played have absolutely altered the way I view any link and also I love referencing them.#Damian with telekinesis and infinite glue would be great. A tiny 10yo sword master choosing instead to drop a dumpster on you#In between hurt comfort link beginning to bond with his family and begin to speak and learn sign language from cass#There's also the sound of explosives and a small figure clinging to a flying door as it crosses the Gotham night skies#Speaking of cass I bet her and link would be great friends in this au.#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#loz au#Loz#loz totk
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I tend to think of Mike as someone who wants to be good, but only had bad examples to learn from.
#FNAF#headcanons#Michael Afton#nothing will ever excuse what he did to Evan#but he was failed as a child as well#I don't know if he could have learned to be better#before it was too late#before permanent damage was done#okay so something I mean to address in Ever After#is that while Evan (the 19 year old version) is alive and has a life of his own and is more or less oka#okay isn't the right word#traumatized yes but with multiple paths he can take on#Michael still has to live with the memory of being the horrible person who killed his younger brother#he didn't mean to#but that doesn't erase what he did#I really wanna be able to talk about what I have planned for future chapters without also spoiling those chapters#Kats I'm still holding onto your asks waiting for the day when I can address them directly
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i really need to rewatch uwe before the upcoming season finale and properly gather my thoughts on it but i really really like the show! its goofy and cartoony style paired with a serious story about these warriors' souls stuck in an eternal war with the evil, the slight psychological horror of being used as hosts for said souls and almost completely discarded and disregarded (though it doesn't say too much about this, this is more my overthinking), the steampunk elements, the character designs, the voice acting... all of it. despite that i still have some irks with it, like the pacing. this show would've definitely benefited from having more episodes. for such a story heavy show 10 episodes doesn't feel enough. it worked with primal, genndy tartakovsky's previous show, because there was little to no dialogue there. it did an excellent job at making the viewer understand what was happening with mere facial expressions. but uwe characters have a lot to say, a lot to work out between each other. and it's clear tartakovsky wants to tell more. they need more episodes to do that. i hope the show gets renewed for a second season. i need everything that i'm extremely confused about to be addressed and cleared up
#the whole emmalinda thing! she's both of them and neither of them! which woman is taking the centre stage?#it's confusing. everyone calls her melinda. but she's not really herself#everytime she looks at her reflection emma's there instead. so emma is still in the ''backseat''#this emmalinda has both of the women's memories#she's an enigma to me#dimitri while heavily influencing edred's behavior is just. not there. chilling the background. rolling with whatever (free him 💔)#alfie and seng? i have no fucking idea half the time. they're like emmalinda to me#this whole thing is so confusing.... we need to see the other hosts shining through more. not just emma. just a bit. please. for my sanity#i don't care for the romance. at least now that they are they way they are. emmalinda isn't just one person#so her being pinned with either edred or winston doesn't feel right to me. ''is she into edred? is she into winston?''#yes and no! no and yes! she's two people!!!!! it's complicated!!!!!!!! forget the romance#it's fair to question their relationships status though considering everything (edred and melinda were lovers for eternity;#emma and winston were about to get married)#but man. whatever#WHY IS THE ELF KINGDOM JUST A FEW KILOMETERS AWAY FROM THE MAIN CITY. why are the elves that edred knew still alive#do they just live that long what the fuck#aelwulf is just going to be stuck pretending to be his brother for the rest of his life huh. that's fucked up. are they not gonna notice#this is a rambling mess isn't it. it's rare for me to go off like this in public i think. i usually keep that all in my head
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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
#horse.txt#vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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Love that I had the thought “hmm well some of this stuff in my fic might not be completely accurate :/“
But then I reminded myself it’s like a totally self indulgent written for *me* thing,,, like yeah! It doesn’t have to be perfect, I am writing what makes my heart happy! That is all that should matter really!! And so now I feel okay, honestly. Good job, me.
That rly is an important thing to remember when creating things, is that foremost it should be making you happy, no matter inaccuracies or popularity or anything else
Also an essay of my thoughts about writing a pmd fic below in the tags hahah oops:
#lol yes I have been working on a pmd fic that I may or may not post when it’s done#it’s like such a conglomeration of different points in my life when I played the game and thoughts and feelings from throughout those times#something that can be. so personal#I wanna make a mark of having some pmd content shared I think so!#but yk so maybe there is some wavy logic in the human (before they became a Pokémon) being able to talk to Pokémon#but that is always how I imagined it must’ve been as a kid without question#and that I know Grovyle and the mc aren’t the main relationship the game wants focus on#but for me over the years I more and more find it fascinating to think about#especially just with the context of a friendship that now only has memories remaining with one person#and stuff like that#but I don’t super delve into angst bc I also rly just want this to be cozy at the end of the day#happy warm soft fuzzy cozy vibes#which I probably get from nostalgia alone here but writing it I feel those energies in it#but while the partner character doesn’t get as much of a focus she is still so dear to me methinks#idk this rambling has been going on so long rn lol#I hope all that I have been putting into this fic shows through in the end#I’m not even done writing it yet it has been a challenge at times but I sure do want to complete it#okay thanks and thanks like sm if you read the tags hahah <3#now we are going to do proper tags so maybe people will see this…#pmd#pmd explorers#pokemon mystery dungeon#pokemon#fanfic#writing#content creating#? idk what to tag bc the advice/whatever u would call it can apply to more than just writers I think…#pmd2#pmd eos#pmd sky
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Move To A Darker Place
This is a story of Man Vs. Machine.
---
Last March, my father attempted to file his Taxes.
My beloved father is a Boomer. Unlike most Boomers, my father is rather handy with technology because he was one of the people that had a not-insignificant hand in Developing a hell of a lot of it. He was studying Computer Science at Cal Poly before the computer science degree existed. I have many fond childhood memories of skipping through the aisles of various electronic and computer part warehouses while Dad described something that either terrified the staff or made them worship him as a God. He taught himself how to use his smartphone. Internationally.
So when he saw the option to file digitally with the IRS through the “ID.me” program, he leapt at the chance to celebrate the Federal Government finally entering the Digital Age.
It was all going swimmingly for about six hours, until he was ready to file and the system told him that it needed to verify his identity.
“Very Well.” said my father, a man unafraid of talking to himself and getting something out of the conversation. “It wouldn’t do for me to get someone else’s return.”
The System told him that it needed him to take a “Digital Image ID”.
a.k.a: A Selfie.
“A-ha!” Dad beams. Dad is very good at taking selfies. He immediately pulled out his phone, snapped one, and tried to upload it.
Please log into your Id.me Account and use the provided app to submit your Digital Image ID. The System clarified.
“Oh. You should have said so.” Dad pouted, but used his phone to log onto the ID.me account, do the six security verification steps and double-checked that the filing looked the same as it did on the desktop, gave the IRS like nine permissions on his phone, and held up the camera to take his Federal Privacy Invasion Selfie.
Please align your face to the indicated grid. Said The System, pulling up a futuristic green-web-of-polygons approximation.
“Ooh, very Star Trek. Gene Roddenberry would HATE this!” Dad said cheerfully, aligning his face to the grid. My father is a bit… cavalier, when it comes to matters of personal information and federal government, because he’s been on FBI watchlists since the late 60’s when he was protesting The Vietnam War and Ronald Regan before he’d broken containment. Alas.
Anyway, there is very little information the federal government does not have on him already, but he’s as good at stalking the FBI as they are at stalking him, and had worked out a solution: He has something approaching a friendship with the local Federal Agent (Some guy named “Larry”. Allegedly), and got Larry hooked on Alternative Histories and Dad’s collection of carefully-researched “there is very likely buried treasure here” stories, and Larry is loath to bother his favorite Historical Fanfiction author too much.
But I digress.
After thinking for a minute, The System came back with an Error Message. Please remove glasses or other facial obstructions.
And here is where the real trouble began.
See, my father wears glasses that do substantially warp the appearance of his face, because he is so nearsighted that he is legally blind without them. His natural focal point is about 4 inches in front of his nose. While Dad can still take a selfie because he (approximately) knows where his phone is if it’s in his hand, he cannot see the alignment grid.
He should ask someone to take it for him! I hear the audience say. Yes, that would be the sane and reasonable thing to do, but Dad was attempting to do taxes at his residence in Fort Collins, while his immediate family was respectively in Denver, Texas and Canada. He tried calling our neighbors, who turned out to be in Uganda.
He looked down at the dog, Arwen, and her little criminal paws that can open doorknobs, but not operate cell phones.
She looked back at him, and farted.
“Well, I’ll give it a try, but if it gives me too much trouble, I’ll call Larry, and Larry can call the IRS about it.” Dad told her.
She continued to watch him. Arwen is an Australian Kelpie (a type of cattle-herding dog), going on 14 years old, deaf as a post and suffering from canine dementia now, but she still retains her natural instinct to Micromanage. She was also trained as a therapy dog, and even if she can’t hear my dad, still recognizes the body language of a man setting himself up for catastrophe.
So, squinting in the late afternoon light next to the back door, Dad attempted to line his face up with a grid he could only sort-of see, and took A Federal Selfie.
The System thought about it for a few moments.
Image Capture Failed: Insufficient Contrast. The System replied. Please move to a darker place.
“...Huh.” Dad frowned. “Alright.”
He moved to the middle of his office, away from the back door, lit only by the house lighting and indirect sunlight, and tried again.
Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.
“What?” Dad asked the universe in general.
“Whuff.” Arwen warned him against sunk costs.
Dad ignored her and went into the bathroom, the natural habitat of the selfie. Surely, only being lit by a light fixture that hadn’t been changed since Dad was attempting to warn everyone about Regan would be suitably insufficient lighting for The System. It took some negotiating, because that bathroom is “Standing Room Only” not “Standing And Holding Your Arms Out In Front Of You Room”. He ended up taking the selfie in the shower stall.
As The System mulled over the latest attempt, Arwen shuffled over and kicked open the door to watch.
Image Capture Failed. Please Move to a Darker Place.
“Do you mean Spiritually?” Dad demanded.
“Whuff.” Arwen cautioned him again.
Determined to succeed, or at least get a different error message that may give him more information, Dad entered The Downstairs Guest Room. It is the darkest room in the house, as it is in the basement, and only has one legally-mandated-fire-escape window, which has blinds. Dad drew those blinds, turned off the lights and tried AGAIN.
Image Capture Failed. Please Move To A Darker Place.
“DO YOU WANT ME TO PHOTOGRAPH MYSELF INSIDE OF A CAVE??” Dad howled.
“WHUFF!” Arwen reprimanded him from under the pull-out bed in the room. It’s where she attempts to herd everyone when it’s thundering outside, so the space is called her ‘Safety Cave’.
Dad frowned at the large blurry shape that was The Safety Cave.
“Why not?” he asked, the prelude to many a Terrible Plan. With no small amount of spiteful and manic glee, Dad got down onto the floor, and army-crawled under the bed with Arwen to try One Last Time. Now in near-total darkness, he rolled on his side to be able to stretch his arms out, Arwen slobber-panting in his ear, and waited for the vague green blob of the Facial grid to appear.
This time, when he tapped the button, the flash cctivated.
“GOD DAMN IT!” Dad shouted, dropping the phone and rubbing his eyes and cursing to alleviate the pain of accidentally flash-banging himself. Arwen shuffled away from him under the bed, huffing sarcastically at him.
Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.
“MOTHERFU- hang on.” Dad squinted. The System sounded strange. Distant and slightly muffled.
Dad squinted really hard, and saw the movement of Arwen crawling out from under the bed along the phone’s last known trajectory.
“ARWEN!” Dad shouted, awkwardly reverse-army crawling out from under the bed, using it to get to his feet and searching for his glasses, which had fallen out of his pocket under the bed, so by the time he was sighted again, Arwen had had ample time to remove The Offending Device.
He found her out in the middle of the back yard, the satisfied look of a Job Well Done on her face. She did not have the phone.
“Arwen.” Dad glared. It’s a very good glare. Dad was a teacher for many years and used it to keep his class in order with sheer telepathically induced embarrassment, and his father once glared a peach tree into fecundity.
Arwen regarded him with the casual interest a hurricane might regard a sailboat tumbling out of its wake. She is a force of nature unto herself and not about to be intimidated by a half-blind house ape. She also has cataracts and might not be able to make out the glare.
“I GIVE UP!” Dad shouted, throwing his hands in the air and returning to the office to write to the IRS that their selfie software sucks ass. Pleased that she had gotten her desired result, Arwen followed him in.
To Dad’s immense surprise, the computer cheerfully informed him that his Federally Secure Selfie had been accepted, and that they had received and were now processing his return!
“What the FUCK?” Dad glared. “Oh well. If I’ve screwed it up, Larry can call me.”
---
I bring this up because recently, Dad received an interesting piece of mail.
It was a letter from the IRS, addressed to him, a nerve-wracking thing to recessive at the best of times. Instead of a complaint about Dad’s Selfie Skills, it was a letter congratulating him on using the new ID.me System. It thanked him for his help and expressed hopes he would use it again next year, and included the selfie that The System had finally decided to accept.
“You know, my dad used to complain about automation.” Dad sighed, staring at the image. “Incidentals my boy! My secretary saves the state of California millions of dollars a year catching small errors before they become massive ones! He’d say. Fought the human resources board about her pay every year. I used to think he was overestimating how bad machines were and underestimating human error, but you know? He was right.”
He handed me the image.
My father was, technically, in the image. A significant amount of the bottom right corner is taken up by the top of his forehead and silver hair. Most of the image, the part with the facial-recognition markers on it, was composed of Arwen’s Alarmed and Disgusted Doggy face.
“Oh no!” I cackled. “Crap, does this mean you have to call the IRS and tell them you’re not a dog?”
“Probably.” Dad sighed. “I know who I’m gonna bother first though.” he said, taking out his phone (Dad did find his phone a few hours after Arwen absconded with it when mom called and the early spinach started ringing).
“Hey Larry!” Dad announced to the local federal agent. “You’re never gonna believe this. My dog filed my taxes!”
Larry considered this for a moment. “Is this the dog that stole my sandwich? Out of my locked car?” he asked suspiciously.
“The very same.” Dad grinned.
“Hm. Clever Girl.” Federal Agent Larry sighed. “I figured it was only a matter of time before she got into tax fraud.”
---
I'm a disabled artist making my living writing these stories. If you enjoy my stories, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Book on Patreon. Thank you!
#Family Lore#Dogs#arwen#Arwen the Crime Dog#Taxes#Ronald Regan mention (derogatory)#long post under the cut#this one is funny this time#I could really use some extra tip money this month
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I have this problem that’s like the opposite of nostalgia or something where some things I remember liking a lot as a child I look back and only remember the bad times.
This is specifically about Animal Crossing, loved that game as a kid, but I have literally no idea why, cuz it was just pure hell for me from what I can remember.
#also blues clues but less severe. I like blues clues. but my only childhood memories are when I was scared of it#YES I WAS SCARED OF BLUES CLUES. I HAD A HUGE FEAR OF MYSTERIES. IDK HOW OR WHY. ALSO MY MEGALOPHOBIA DIDNT LIKE THE CLOSE UP PAWPRINTS#the Halloween episode also scared me on several occasions. yes I was a baby. still kind of am.#but like I still have positive feelings about blues clues but ANIMAL CROSSING. ohhh man.#first of all that megalophobia I mentioned uh yeah not a big fan of seeing those big fish.#I was terrified of the rumor that you could see a GINORMOUS fish in the ocean. and I’ve been hearing it was REAL? worst thing ever.#but like. I couldn’t even take care of my irl self so you KNOW my village was totally trashed.#so I had to play while constantly getting told ‘everyone HATES living in this town’ and trying my best to fix it but it’s out of control and#I can’t bring myself to clean (I did it once. it was the happiest I’d been finally getting told positive things.)#my house always full of roaches too lol foreshadowing my life as an adult#ALSO THOSE FREAKING DANGEROUS BUGS WOULD GET ME ALL THE TIME I was always playing at night and getting terrified#I never had a ‘favorite villager’ in the traditional sense cuz none of them ever stayed long. they hated my town.#my fave was actually stitches but I never saw him. maybe I saw him once and he IMMEDIATELY moved out. that was my life.#I can’t name a single villager I ever had in my village cuz they always moved out. I learned not to form attachments even tho I wanted to.#and don’t even get me STARTED on Resetti. if you are a Resetti lover then WE ARE NOT MEANT TO INTERACT 😭#I’m joking I won’t judge you as a person if you like him but at the same time I genuinely on god hate him#opening up the game was a nightmare cuz I knew without fail every time I would have to see him.#‘just save’? it wasn’t ever ME that was doing it. it was my little siblings. and NO I couldn’t stop them. they were like GODS at stealing#not to mention parents would always side with them and make us share the games. they liked to delete saves and were gods at that too#but anyways so I was always stuck with Resetti cuz my siblings couldn’t leave my game alone and also couldn’t bring themselves to save befor#stopping. so every day it would be Resetti. I dreaded it so much because he is like SUPER reminiscent of my abusive step father at the time.#I often cried while just desperately trying to get thru his lectures. they were SO. LONG. and OH MY GOD the time he made me repeat something#I legitimately don’t know what it was but like I kept failing it. I know I was rlly bad with copying things as a kid#there was a time where I made the painful decision to quit in the middle of his rant. knowing that it would be worse next time but I was#simply unable to take it at that point in time. HOW EFFED UP IS THAT. THAT I JUST WANT TO PLAY A DAMN GAME BUT I CANT CUZ OF THE TRAUMA.#I hate Resetti I hate Resetti I hate him so much ‘oh he’s just a character’ THATS WHY IM FREE TO HATE HIM BABY!!! IT MAKES IT WORSE THAT PPL#DELIBERATELY CREATED A CHARACTER LIKE THAT HONESTLY! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO POOR INNOCENT ME!!!#anyways yeah literally everything about animal crossing is so distressing to me and yet I remember loving it. no idea why.#my memories of it have like a dramatic and eerie vignette#and that newer one that came out and everyone was so excited. I can’t handle it cuz of the FISH AGAIN!!! MEGALOPHOBIA BE LIKE!!!!!!!
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not 2 keep posting literally Only Vents (and like 1 normal thing once a day) but it's nights like these I reminisce about my abuser and wonder all that "what if"s
all the sui tw/cw tags r because of shit I wrote in the tags
#➳ valentin vents#and yes i am purposefully triggering memories by listening to my playlist of songs i had full blown panic attacks and mental breakdowns to#or would listen to while it manipulated and turned me into his own little puppet while i felt disgust and. so. unsatisfied.#i hate that you all know me as who i am now#i hate that this is the me you have to see#why couldn't you all have met the sweet immature aqua who made sex jokes and who's only worry was petty drama ?#why couldn't you guys have gotten attached to him ? he would have been a better friend and partner than this aqua .#this aqua cries xerself to bed every night even if things are theoretically fine and makes her life miserable for no reason#he's selfish and always demands more and more and then plays the victim about it#she shouldn't exist . this vessel should have died a year ago when it met the person — the monster — who ruined it .#the asshole who killed innocent sonia and left his body to be possessed by the worthless maryne#i should have done it . i should have gone and chugged all those pills instead of just cutting contact . maybe he would have felt remorse#maybe I'd have saved so much money and tears and not have wasted the time of those who got to know this current '' being ''#but I've always been too much of a pussy to do something like that#oh well#i guess I'll just have to wait until the universe decides it's my time since i guess . idk . dad would miss me a lot . maybe some irls woul#too ? and mom and grandma . yeah I'll . uh . not chug an entire bottle of whatever random pills i can find in my cabinet .#i still need to get married some day . and at the very least I'm not dying a virgin lmao#ugh angways aqua stfu time go cry in uur bed like uu always do stop telling people online how uu should have killed uurself a year ago n#sharing tmi about uur trauma !!!!#tw sui mention#tw sui ideation#tw sui vent#tw sui talk#cw sui mention#cw sui ideation#cw sui thoughts#yea
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Helloo!! Sooo I have a picture of mgg as my lock screen but his face isn’t in the picture and I was wonderinggg if you could write about the girls at the bau seeing your background of your phone and it’s some guy but they don’t know it’s spencer and they ask all these questions about this mysterious secret boyfriend you have and asking to meet him and r is just like maybeeee idk knowing that they have in fact met him and maybe spencer is near by and hearing all this and is just all shy and flustered. If you do write this THANK YOUUU you’re writing it phenomenal, one of a kind, it’s so good!!! <333
"Woah, hubba hubba," JJ's eyes bug out at your phone screen, and Emily, forever on JJ's wavelength, snatches it out of your hands before you can properly dim the screen.
"Who is that?" Emily asks everyone's burning question, and one of Penelope's hands squeezes yours, with nails, to emphasize her urgency.
Your lock screen is a picture of Spencer's bare chest clad only in a blazer, the front open in a lewd V that showcases the dark pink kiss marks you'd spread across the smattering of wiry curls he's grown. It's not something you'd meant to flash your coworkers with, and Spencer chokes on his water while Derek hoots and hollers at it.
"There are some things that should be kept private," Rossi drawls, eyes wide and haunted as he stands, "I'm going to get Aaron and myself another refill, just in case any worse pictures get shown around the table."
Hotch laughs at the older man, amusement lining his features handsomely as the group continues to tease you.
"So, when are you bringing this guy around? Not that we'd recognize him anyways, unless he showed up shirtless with lipstick all over him."
"Derek, you-" You barely stop yourself from saying, 'you have met him', instead swerving into an easy insult, "You're the last person I want to introduce him to. You'll never let us live this down."
"None of us will." Prentiss promises, her grin wolfish, "You'll be lucky if Garcia doesn't manage to track him down using nipple-recognition software."
Your technical analyst cackles into her drink, and Spencer makes a hasty getaway.
"I need the bathroom," He paws with burning cheeks at Derek's leg, ushering the man out of his way so that he can speed-walk to the bathroom. You watch him go, hearing Hotch let out a rare laugh at his urgency.
"Poor Spence," JJ croons, "Did you see how red his face was?"
"That kid's almost thirty and I bet he can't even say the word 'sex' without blushing." Derek scoffs.
"He can't. I've seen it." Garcia confirms, "It's pathetic."
"Pathetic," You snort, but what your team hears as agreement, you mean as contradiction. Spencer was nothing close to pathetic that night- sweet and tender, yes, but pathetic, no. He'd cupped your face while you'd spread a smattering of sticky kisses across his chest, and he'd stared into your eyes when you'd taken the picture, a smile on his face even though he'd known his grin wouldn't be in frame.
"Well get all of it out now," Hotch advises, a teasing tone in his voice, "Spencer won't come back if we're still talking about it."
"I'm happy for you." Dave states, setting his and Aaron's drinks down, "But so help me, Y/N, if I ever see your boyfriend's naked torso again, I'll kill myself."
You refrain from telling Rossi he had just seen your boyfriend's bare torso, last week when Spencer had needed to be stripped of his cold, wet clothes, and thrust into a heated blanket for warmth. No one had batted an eye at his brief nudity, and neither had you, because you'd memorized every inch of his skin. You didn't need to ogle him; you could recall his body from memory.
"I'll keep that in mind." You nod at Rossi sagely, "Just don't go through the rest of my camera roll." You see Spencer exit the bathroom, peering cautiously at your table to see if he can predict the conversation before returning, "Or you'll find a lot worse than his chest."
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