#so what if i don't want to learn cognitive empathy as someone with NPD and ASPD? i've done the work i'm willing to do to keep people from--

[rotting-bones-will-sing]

not "anti-recovery" in the sense that i think people shouldn't want to improve their lives or that it's bad to want to recover from things that are hurting you, but "anti-recovery culture" in the sense that i think taking away someone's autonomy because they're disabled or mentally ill in a way you don't like is fucking wrong, actually. this especially applies when they're not hurting anyone, but even if they might hurt people, there's methods to prevent harm without taking someone's autonomy away and forcing them to do things they don't want to do. people will do things with their autonomy that you don't like, but so long as others aren't getting hurt, it's none of your fucking business. especially if it's a person you've encountered on Tumblr or other social media where you have tools like blocking and muting people at your disposal, and tag and content filtering on Tumblr actually works shockingly well for what it is.

[ratinacoat]

A while ago I had to make a complaint towards a mental health organisation. I felt frustrated with random workers telling me “I’m sorry for what happened”. Why are they apologising? They didn’t do XYZ.

I don’t see my system members as “parts of me”. I see them (and myself) as “parts of a system”.

I think it’s understandable to say “I’m sorry my system harmed you. We will work on doing better.” I think it would be inauthentic for me to say “I’m sorry for how I hurt you” for something a system member did, and I think it would be a form of masking.

I saw your post, “alters aren’t people”, I somewhat disagree but I do agree with the last line, “DID is not plurality”. So why are you posting in plural tags? You say it’s “for reach” but you don’t need to reach the plural community, you need to reach the OSDID community, no?

Hm. I’m scrolling more, and I am curious why you believe endogenic systems aren’t real?

DID is not plurality, plurality is a subculture some people with DID may identify with. Even then, while people with DID commonly have trauma it isn’t necessary for diagnosis. Also, everyone experiences dissociation and everyone has parts, so where do you draw the line between system and singlet?

https://mixmoss.neocities.org/systems

Interested in your thoughts. I believe people can self identify as plural, similar to gender diversity. The way dysphoria with gender and dissociation with plurality are treated parallel quite a bit from my perspective, it’s understandable for the term sysmed to arise from transmed.

Also, you repeat a bit that you don’t experience empathy, as a fellow autist though, it seems you experience cognitive empathy if not other forms.

- R

I agree that apologizing the way you stated will also be helpful. I think acknowledging that alters are separate states while also not excusing it for being one alter is good. Taking accountability is important and the way you phrased it is doing so.

Seeing yourself as parts of one system is also quite healthy. I do not mean you should ignore the existence of your alters when I say they are not separate people. I just mean that it is countertherapeutic to see yourself as multiple people because it is harmful to do so. Ignoring them completely is just as harmful.

I use tags for reach towards the plural community because I like to hear what everyone has to say. A lot of CDD systems also use plural tags. It's just to reach people of all types because I like to observe the way those communities work. I like to debate, I like to learn, and I like to ramble.

I believe endogenic DID is not possible because of the nature of DID seeing as PTSD does play a large part in it. I don't deny the existence of endogenic plurality because most people who fit that descriptor are simply spiritual. While I don't think you can mix spirituality with science/psychology, I don't like to deny peoples personal beliefs. My line between system and "singlet" is drawn between whether or not the person has DID or OSDD/P-DID.

The site you linked is an interesting thought process. I don't understand the way of thinking but I think people also can identify as plural if they wish to do so, just not as someone with DID or OSDD/P-DID. Like I usually say, I don't want to get into others spiritual beliefs because I do not share them. I don't think that spiritual belief should be compared to trans people though as it is completely different with different history and "sysmeds" are just people who disagree with the belief while transmeds are transphobic POS who cause a lot of harm.

Lastly yes, I do often mention that I do not experience empathy. I don't like to bring up why but for the sake of explaining (and following advice of a therapist in a way) this is because I have NPD. I have been getting better in some ways and observing peoples point of view is quite helpful in understanding how people feel, but of course I can only do so much. Autism also has quite an affect on it. Interacting online is a good way for me to practice regulating emotions I do not understand myself and trying to see things from others perspectives while also engaging in topics I find interest in.

[theinfernalcalypso]

... so like definitely not the usual content and considered this for my main but this has a wider audience and looking for input (under the cut as a courtesy of those disinterested)

So like (and this is after extensive, and I mean extensive research into these + listening to a wide variety of those with these diagnoses on paper talk about them) I have a probable chance of either having npd or aspd (potentially both but unsure) (I need a psychiatrist but we know the economy in capitalist hell that is america) and sometimes I forget to the degree of which anyone of either or both are so so dehumanized and demonized and just not seen as people anymore because of those

Like. I just went to look up dating advice catered to romantically functioning with either. And all I got was how to stay away or deal with people with either disorder.

And I know I personally haven't found myself identifying as human in just about a decade, but I'm still a person at the end of the day. (And I know, current flesh prison is human and whatever. Please leave the delusional comments somewhere else if you have them.)

Sure, I have a limited range of emotions. I don't feel care and affection how someone is "supposed" to. I had to learn cognitive empathy and will never have emotional empathy. But that doesn't mean I can't be good to someone. That doesn't mean I don't want someone who even if they don't get it they don't just immediately revile me as some "other" and turn me away.

I've already had that. My last relationship I was miserable because I put on a mask because so little in my life had been good and I had convinced myself that I'd never find anything better until I had glimpses of it. I just didnt want to be left because I couldn't be what he wanted anymore (believe me I tried) (that relationship also got really complicated after a point because I lost track of where I ended and that mask began and wondered why I was miserable on top of several other factors).

... I just don't wanna be vilified and shit anymore

And I don't wanna die anymore but I'm left still feeling I'd be better off dead and I don't know how to deal with that and I hate when I don't understand something

[whisperspeaks]

Having seen somebody point out a common trend in positivity posts, it's come to my attention that people often point out how others can still be "good people" in spite of their mental illnesses. This isn't inherently bad or anything! It can be very comforting to be reminded that, even with the symptoms you're experiencing, there's still plenty of great things about you. Relating to others struggles, and feeling better in turn, is comforting. However, it can be tough when these reminders always come with a catch. The catch that you can still be good with a disorder. You can be good just because you're you. Because you want to be. So, I wanted to add some more full-on positivity. I think it's deserved.

(Note that, of course, everyone makes their own decisions. Someone being "good or bad" is up to the person, and not the disorder. This is a positivity post, don't add hate.)

----

So, for those with:

ASPD, NPD: Using learned cognitive empathy in order to determine what others are feeling, and acting on that, means an incredible amount. You're doing something purely because you know you should, or that it would help somebody. You're choosing those actions, and that takes more effort and care than most people could imagine.

BPD, HPD, DPD: When you're commited to something, you're really committed. Not to mention you're probably super intuitive. You know how to look out for things! People are supposed to be there for each other, and asking questions is normal. You deserve to be able to make yourself known.

AVPD, PPD, STPD, SzPD: Taking time to yourself to feel secure and/or recharge is okay. You're more than capable of making connections at your own pace, just as you're capable of finding further joys, and allowing your passions to blossom.

OCPD: You know how to get things done, and you're intent on doing so. You're probably not bad at saving money, either! You have the capacity to continue healthy bonds.

In fact, all of you have the ability to create and maintain healthy bonds. The decision is up to you, and I believe in you.

[mynarcissticex]

Because, in essence, they do exhibit multiple personalities. I think that is one of the most unsettling aspects of dealing with someone with NPD. Because, at least in my experience, when the loving, doting boyfriend was presenting himself, I believed him. He was very thoughtful, very considerate, he made me feel important, loved, and special. He’s the The man I fell in love with once much to my irritation.

The other individual who I came to know, the darker, scarier, intimidating, domineering, control freak was one that terrified me to my core. That’s why most people who end up caught up in this vicious cycle emerge with something referred to as cognitive dissonance. I learned what that term was when I started researching the behavior I was witnessing. It’s the mind-blowing experience of holding two conflicting beliefs about the same subject. He was both the nicest, and the most ferocious, person that I knew.

In essense, this man, who I fell in love with, once managed to make me feel like the most important, lucky person on the planet; and has just as equally caused me to feel debilitating terror with the belief that my life may possibly be in danger I was killing myself slowly by staying with matt.

So, I would say, that by their very nature, they do exhibit at least two distinct personalities. But here’s the kicker. One of their personalities persists, throughout their life, as it is the true personality behind the many masks they create. The true personality is the dark, unhappy, insecure, miserable, maladaptive, often cruel, and almost always vindictive personality you end up seeing if you are around them often enough. The others are simply masks they create to fit in and to forge their tenuous relationships with those around them. Narcissists don't always know they are narcissists. We have to keep this in mind.

With emotional and psychological battering victims are entrapped by extreme manipulative and psychological persuasion over a lengthy period of time AND it is NOT something they want happening to them by any means. What was the nature of our perpetrator when we met them? Did they have us at gunpoint forcing us into this psychological terrorism or did they offer us something so very familiar, normal, trustworthy and welcoming called LOVE? Yes they did and if that doesn’t define a predator I don’t know what does! I have met very many wonderful friends from all over the world since I started writing about this abuse that I interact with daily. They are some of the strongest people I have ever encountered. There isn’t anything about them that shouts out to me that they allowed their abuse! They are full of love, empathy and high functioning individuals!

Well let’s go to the source of your abuse, a Narcissist. Now let’s define this Narcissist. They are mentally unbalanced and unhealthy and basically not a fully functioning human being so with that thought in mind they are quite capable of poisoning our minds and harming our reality – JUST FACT. Whether they have a disdain for all things human or they are cruel, evil, despicable or whatever THEY ARE TOXIC and destructive to us. If you educate yourself and understand what we lovingly call their ‘arsenal of tools’ it will spell out their agenda and a definite pattern of what all Narcissists do to ALL of their targets/victims. The key words that describe the whole cycle of abuse are love-bombing, devaluation, discard and I always add DESTROY! In a nutshell they are the reason that our reality has been so distorted and disabled.

The journey to recovery is now a process because we were unconsciously living and dealing with all the destructive messages we internalized and validated as our reality. We must seek out education about this abuse and the truth about our situation as a key to unlock the door to our recovery. Yes those messages are going to be in our head for a good while BUT we have to create a healthy balance and desensitize them. What this means is that we have to move into a place where it is possible for us to recognize that a person HAS betrayed us in a manner to control us through mental abuse. We have to think about it in terms to validate the truth of the situation, but not to try to dissect the Narcissist and put our energy into trying to get into their heads. We spent a great deal of time trying to fix or basically heal them and we gave away too much of ourselves. Turn this around and accept the truth that they are completely disordered and put that healing power back into yourself. You deserve so much better than this! DISCARD that Narcissist completely from your heart and mind and reclaim the amazing person you ARE and always have been! No/minimal contact always!