#so very sorry that u have to have a body

[b4kuch1n]

siren

[3-aem]

MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE

[lobotomy-lady]

I can't really relate to people who aren't creatives that are extremely ambitious (& also horribly time inefficient & prone to procrastination, I can't relate to successful creatives either). like when someone tells me their big dream in life is to be a physician or a social worker or god forbid smth like a big business boss babe I do see them almost as another species. not an inferior species mind you just fundamentally different from me (far higher functioning & overall 10000x more likely to succeed in their endeavors so this is not me being superior or condescending !). I just don't know how to be satisfied with a normal life

[acourtofquestions]

Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:

She'd rebuild it—what she had been.

Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.

Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."

"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.

"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."

"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.

Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.

Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.

At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.

In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.

She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.

Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."

A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.

She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."

Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."

"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."

Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.

"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."

"I do know."

"And?"

"And what do you wish me to say?"

She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. If…"

"If what?"

"If you wish it wasn't so."

His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"

She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.

It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.

"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."

She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.

"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."

She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"

"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just ….." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."

"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."

"Then it is her choice, not yours."

Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."

"What did she show you?" A breathless question.

Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have been—if there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."

She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."

His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"

She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.

Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."

She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.

"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.

"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."

A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requires—"

"We'll face it together," he swore again.

"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.

Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."

"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."

She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.

"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."

She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.

She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"

"I thought you might want to be asked first."

"That never stopped you before."

"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.

She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."

He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.

"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."

The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.

"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.

Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.

Together.

[saintashes]

PRELUDE: ON CONTAINING MULTITUDES. // c!quackity poetry. (click for full images and better quality)

text below :) feel free to reblog !!

PRELUDE: ON CONTAINING MULTITUDES.

the moon burns our souls

and the wind makes us sound distressed

MARBLE STATUE, WINE BOTTLE,

both some sort of fine-something

we begin to dig a HOLE in the GROUND

our  time  capsule  more  of  a  memory  burial

basking in idiotic fantasies,

sometimes  verging  on  PRAYER

we lift our hands and pray over your body

IT  MAKES  US  FEEL  ROTTEN!

the devil is lonely

we kicked out the devil     and it misses us

it keeps begging to be let back,

for us to     let  it  in

it’s waiting in the DARK

it’s waiting for your veins to feel a flash of life

   god loves you

   but not enough to save you

I WAS MY FIRST VICTIM

— AND NOW I AM MY LAST HOPE

places  where  reality  feels  ALTERED,

liminal earth, holy innocence, gentle sin,

eerie, uncanny, watch me   BLEED

you can feel yourself getting   SICKER

an in-between state of mind

uncomfortable and disorienting

TRAPPED IN YOUR HALLWAY,

can  you  hear  the  BUZZING?

maybe it sounds like  SWALLOWING GLASS!

   or  HUGGING GOD!

          or  SPILLING ACID!

                 or  STARTING A WAR!

                        or  PAINTING OUTSIDE THE LINES!

. . .

well it doesn’t matter in the end

because it’s all suffocating

and your throat burns and your head hurts

(   you  have  felt  what  it  feels  like

to  be  a  desperate  animal, is what i say,

with different words

DESPERATION   has seeped into your veins

through countless sharp   WOUNDS,

and it has made your CANINES LONGER

the insides of your THIGHS ROUGHER

your hair all the while whiter

    all   of   your   body   has   adapted

    to   survive   a   catastrophic   flood

but it never came

and  now  all  you  have  is  an  ark   )

like   a   dog   with   a   bird   at   your   door

i  will  bury  you  in  the  garden,

laying you where you are   LOVED

like   a   dog   taught   to   bite

i tripped on the urge to feel   ALIVE

to bloom is to kill and to be slain

let it out and hear it BELLOW,

let it SHRED through the cartilage of your ribs

let it feel like SWITCHING OFF a light

— the way night shreds moonlight

     RELISH   EVERY   ACHE

i’ll  eat  you  whole

i’ll  give  you  a  NAME  i  see  on  a  GRAVE

JANE DOE TURNED MARY SUE

wound  and  dagger!

blow  and  cheek!

members  and  wheel!

victim  and  executioner!

the moral of the story is that

   i am going to be your burning star

   and you are going to be my flickering lightbulb

and i will GUT you if i NEED to

i will carve my way OUT

with only my     TEETH

 .  .  .

YOU  CAN  ALSO  HAVE  MY  HEART

IF  YOU  HAVE  THE  STOMACH  TO  TAKE  IT

[fluxweeed]

hey. hope this message doesn't bother you. I love you. I love your work. you are one of my favorite fic authors, I am absolutely obsessed with everything you write. reread everything ten times over, drarry or not, fluffy or angsty - even when it absolutely shatters my heart (e.g. for lack of wanting, SUCH a great fic btw i'm so obsessed with it). the four doors? life changing. two to lie and one to listen? engraved into my brain for eternity. what's mine is yours? what a ride holy shit, im VERY normal about it. wrapped? my comfort read. and so it goes.

if I could aggressively smother you with kudos and love I WOULD!!!

awhile ago you said that there's no such thing as "big deals" in fandom and I 100% agree but at the same time you are a big deal TO ME!!! not in the sense of any kind of hierarchy but purely based on the fact that I think you are such a cool person and your writing is amazing and poignant and your presence in fandom makes it so much better. it's been a pleasure following you here on tumblr and just reading your tags and posts.

idk I just think you rule. that's it. thank you for hanging with us. MWAH 💛

ahhhh anon sorry for leaving this message sitting in my inbox for a couple of days but !! i have zero idea how to react to this!! you're so kind!! thank you!! please discard any and all inclinations u have that i am a cool person bc i can assure you i am NOT!!

[karda]

timezones suck and i wanted to do this on time but

i wanted to do smth because you're cool and you've helped me a lot even if we've never talked or anything. i hope your birthday goes well!

(also hope this doesnt come off as super parasocial or anything but if it does please tell me to stop or block me or somthing)

(i also didn't have a full body ref for the sona so i hope it's alright anyway)

happy birthday :] enjoy being 21

omg thank you so much(╥﹏╥)♡ this is so sweet !! my birthday went very well thank you! :D

[gifti3]

If solomon asked me to be a defender of humanity, i dont think i could look him in the eye and say yes

[toxooz]

also GOOD NEWS turns out the One Week Until Eviction scare was just a false alarm and surprise surprise ✨lack of communication ✨ where as i texted her back for clarification but she said everything is fine and i aint being evicted bc she lied to the higher ups??so fuck it we ball ig its good to know she rlly does have my back to some strange extent so im still girlbossin here for another year and will have more time to build credit and look into the science of buying a house sksks

ALLL THAT BEING SAID i will start the next comic section later this week 4 SURE

[meerlichts]

Abt to reblog a cool post and they called clones “basically just rapidly aged children” STOP!!! STOPP!!! THEY’RE ADULTS!!! THEY’RE GROWN!!! STOP!! STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THIS

[butiknowiloatheyou]

ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfsomuch

[malikselfindulgence]

Morshid gaining a body after yearsof not having one post-lbd arc and immediately falling ill to ten million illnesses . His back hurts when he moves to the left and his knees pop when he tries to fight . He is actively denying all of this and having the worst time ever . He groans like a 90 year old grandfather and he's being made fun of for it

[ladytauria]

Tauria, do you want to tell me your cat is called Tauri?????

she IS

& here she is being adorable:

also! the meaning behind her name (& mine):

- i was 12 & discovered fanfiction + fanfiction.net while in the middle of an obsession with “super robot monkey team hyper force go”—a very silly cartoon that i’m still v fond of, if not as active in the fandom for~

- my fave character from the show was “antauri”

- i named myself ANTAURIfan

- a friend i made in the fandom gave me the nickname “tauria” which <333 i loved

- i adopted a kitten from a shelter a few months to a year later, still p into the fandom. she was a lovely little gray kitten, & antauri eventually transforms into a silver version*. i was also told she was a boy (not that it mattered at all) so! i named her tauri <3

- she’s going to be 12 next month (i think. i got her in early december & she was 4-6 weeks old, so she may already be 12) & my heart can’t take it <3333

[txmxkis]

ugh.

[dandyshucks]

once again trying to decide if i should show counselor/therapist my selfship art bc she asks to see any art I've made that i want to show her each session fjfkdl ,,,, i probably won't because I'm still terrified of being judged for it but mannnnn that rly has been almost all I've made these past two months ( ╥ω╥ )

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...