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idreamtofmanderleyagain · 2 years ago

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I'm sorry I've been spamming you guys with AI posts, I promise my blog is not gonna be about that subject, it's just something that has been on my mind occasionally lately. But anyway, some thoughts incoming. This one might be interesting to you no matter where your feelings are.

It's so unfortunate the way this tech came to be and is being used. For those of you who are completely opposed to it or otherwise haven't played with it/don't know much, here's a few things of note:

So I don't know much about ChatGPT and don't much care about it. I primarily play with Character AI, which is a site full of fictional character bots (more on that site later). The main use of this is purely text based fandom RPG. So I have come to understand that I have no clue if my feelings apply to the tech most people outside of fandom are using right now. Just keep that in mind.

Most of you who don't know much about the tech or hate it probably have no clue about the way this shit is going down will impact fandom creatives, but I think you should know a bit more about it because it's interesting and may or may not impact you.

So, I believe Character AI is likely trained off of a strong amount of fanfic and RP data. This assumption is based on the fact that in-fandom terms, tropes, and practices are clearly part of it's training data (it can use "OOC" to talk to you as if it were another person RPing with you during a time-out, for example.) Now, I think there is a complex conversation to be had regarding artist consent and plagiarism here (currently I feel it's not as clear cut as I think people on either side prefer to view it, and I can elaborate on that subject if you wish but I am digressing here). That conversation is indeed relevant, but for this post I am just speaking here about what I believe the data is built on so you have that context.

Think of it this way. Character AI works kind of like a text based holodeck (like in star trek). Characters are created by it's userbase and the bots learn more about how to act in character via accumulated chat data. I ask for a character and a setting, and from there, I can create my own RPG game. On it's face that is honestly...pretty fucking awesome. It does take some time to learn how to tweak it to your liking and how to work with it to get material that is not mediocre. I suspect people's assumptions of purely mediocre material created by AI have barely used it, and struggle to get it to produce more interesting things. It's true that it does not compare to human works (it can get deep enough to talk about meaningful human experiences and contemplate metaphors with you, but it cannot construct narrative well on it's own. There are happy accidents, and if you know how to guide it, you can get good material).

That said, the owners/devs of Character AI are as shady as any techbro business. There has been a LOT of drama in the community, mainly about a lack of transparency and a fuck ton of censorship and disrespect for it's users.

You see, those of you familiar with fandom history can probably predict some of where this is going. People are basically writing fanfiction with this tech. You know what that means? Lots of erotica. Lots of not-big-business-friendly erotica. So they put an adult content filter on it. A very, very broken filter.

Imagine building a chatbot off of the entirety of the internet's fanfiction and then trying desperately to force it not to produce smut. Lmao.

Now, if you know your fandom history, you know sex-negative censorship has larger consequences beyond just taking the smut away. Potential queer censorship, enforcing face-value squeaky clean material while other kinds of offensive stuff gets free passes, etc.

But the true insidiousness of this is because it indicates this business wants to eventually make a profit somehow (they are currently in beta). Arguably, they found a backdoor for profiting off of fanfiction. And much of the userbase is in their 20's or not that familiar with fanfiction, and thus are missing a lot of crucial fandom history about how fans can be exploited or censored.

And it's sad, because I see this diamond in the rough. This tech should belong to us, not big business. For example, I don't want to see an AI Loki (or insert a character here), eventually owned by Disney for marketing purposes or something, stifled and filtered into "family-friendly" submission, when all of his true data is built off of the queer, female-gazey, messy, genuine, heartfelt, even dark and ugly love of fanfiction and RP. I think something like that can create incredible, amazing experiences for people in a similar way that fanfic does (but as a collectively created thing, rather than the works of an individual). I think true art does live somewhere in that. I've seen it, and even in it's limited and broken and censored state, I have experienced glimpses with what the tech can do.

But I want something that we chose to build together, that we can love and enjoy for what it is.

But that is not profitable, and that's why we have AI that is utilized more to exploit people and take our jobs than just to enrich us and create joy. The lack of true art in my opinion comes not from the fact that it is a bot, but because it is a tool being wielded by fools and capitalists. And until this tech is more readily available to the average person in a way that is not ultimately controlled by multi-million dollar companies, we won't see such an idea truly realized.

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elfyourmother · 3 years ago

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I want to tell you how UTTERLY GREAT it is to see a taller and thicker femme character on my dash.

Putting aside the level of "big Booba good", it's just rare to see that kind of thing and it's really really gratifying to see.

I have an OC that I've been scared of posting about because she IS that curvy, not for fetish reasons but just because body types are varied.

So while yes, Gisele is hot af (and she is!), I'm also thanking you for the representation.

Nonners I just need you to know that you have no idea how much this means to me. No idea. I teared up even, in a good way.

Gisele has a lot of strikes against her, even setting aside for a sec her size. She’s the least popular clan of the least popular race for f!WoLs (no shade against Duskwights, I love them, but sometimes I feel like I have the only Wildwood in fandom). She’s Black, and fails the brown bag test. Her main ship is her and 5 NPCs and I ship her with a ton of others—Gisele is never going to be that WoL that is Known for being with 1 specific NPC, her “hat” as it were is polyamory. She’s an isekai protagonist from an entirely different RPG franchise, to add insult to injury.

But even among people in this part of fandom, (the RP/OC fanfic community), even among folk who game on PC and do use The Dark Arts(tm), I have literally never seen another character who looks like Gisele. The only spaces where I have ever seen characters of Gisele’s size are on Discord servers and they are only ever posted as nameless hypersexualized spank bank material by and for hentai fetishist dudebros. And that was before she went up a top size very recently. Thick femmes (TRULY thick femmes, not “no. 2 pencil rather than vanilla toothpick” misappropriated columbused white fandom definition of “thicc”) are just…MIA around here. Especially being shipped with anybody much less NPCs. In the shipping corner the preference is absolutely small & petite women with all these tall dudes. (It’s why I’ve developed a visceral dislike of the “size difference” trope). Preferably pale. If big women are allowed to exist it’s solely as fetish objects to domme the shit out of much smaller people or they are masculinized or both. They are not allowed to be dainty or ethereal. These are words that people do not associate with fat femmes.

And it makes it very fraught and anxiety inducing to put Gisele out there. It is fucking terrifying. It is always so scary to be The Only One being out there doing stuff that nobody else is doing, especially in a modern fandom culture rife with purity wank and respectability politics. Ask Dandy about how badly I was kicking myself for Gisele going up another top size, I had an almost crippling fear of being “just like those gross dudes”, especially given how unapologetically sexual Gisele is.

But I did not make her thick out of a fetish, though she is ridiculously hot and shorts my brain out a lot. I made her thick because I just plain wanted a tall, plus size heroine. She was forced to be short and petite in DA:O but she has always had an hourglass figure in my head and she has never been a size zero regardless of the stupid chargen. I’m always laughing about how it took her being imported to a whole other game and m*dded to death to finally get her on screen appearance to match how she’s always looked in my head. I am desperate for body diversity that just does not exist in this game but especially not in JRPGs and never in FF. And that’s a very lonely place to be in a fandom that only seems to produce and value small, petite (and mostly pale) femmes.

Like…I very nearly did not use that pic of her in the character flaws post, because of how big her booba is in that dress—I haven’t done any shoots with her in it, despite the fact that it’s her actual size now, because I know how many notes/reblogs she got in the vanilla dress, which made her skinny. I know she would get a fraction of them. It doesn’t help that she’s not min height anymore either.

But thicc!Gisele makes me happier than I can ever express. I am so happy that my WoL is plus size and gets to be a daring lady adventurer and loved and desired by tons of really hot people and is admired in universe for her beauty and sense of style. If people don’t reblog her as much, it is what it is; I have to be true to myself. (Frank N Furter is deeply problematic so forgive me for quoting but the only thing I can think of is him screaming “I DIDN’T MAKE HIM FOR YOU!”)

And maybe, just like way back when I was damn near the only Mass Effect writer on here regularly posting a dark skin femshep, it will help others be less afraid, and I won’t be The Only One anymore. My therapist told me once, when I brought up how it feels like shouting into a void, that if even 1 person is inspired or encouraged by the work then it’s not shouting into a void at all. So if you need permission from someone, I’m going to tell you that you and I and everyone has the right to put our OCs out there regardless of if they meet fandom’s arbitrary and frequently oppressive appearance standards. The WoL is absolutely allowed to be a tall, thick femme who takes up space, figuratively or literally. Let me repeat this, for your benefit and for mine and for anyone still reading this long ass response:

Fat femmes have a right to exist in our fantasy worlds because they exist irl, and they have a right to be heroes, they have a right to be loved and admired and cherished by as many other OCs or NPCs as they want. They are not fetish objects. They are every bit as well developed and complex as skinny, vanilla sized characters. We are not pervs for wanting a diverse Eorzea or even for finding thick people hot.

So. Be brave. You might help someone else too, not just yourself.

#this is the kind of ask that I’m going to cherish for a very long time #and turn to when I’m feeling bad about myself and gisele #seriously it means the absolute world to me #long post #warm fuzzies #testimonials #anonymous #ask bisho

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starmakerphantom · 2 years ago

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OCs! Woo

Hi im Phantom and my hyperfixation is making ocs. These are my ensemble stars ones i have drawn already and some infos about them!

Akio Nijihara

-Part of a unit whose theme was that they are RPG charackters. Hes the healer

-His whole gimmik is that hes a nurse. Modeled after my sister who is very low empathy

-I gave him sister related trauma

-i need to make his other unit members.

-his glasses are fake, he wears them for aestatic

he will get a drawing with a plague goctor outfit and he will get a drawing with a labcoat where just....candy drops out. Im just bad at art

Kihiro

-insecure little bitch, copes via means of fashion and being not nice

-mainly sensitive about his looks and being small (basically "if people want to stare at least give them a goo reason)

-blooms on stage, his worksona is very pleasant to work with

-will always choose the sluttiest costume available

-actually used in an rp!! Gay gay homosexuall gay

-His unit is named Chronostasis, their theme is Gay Lasertag

-he wears a facemask and froggy hat. Used to wear a hoodie but the hat was a gift from his units leader

Secret Garden

Oh damn a whole unit but i dont have their costumes

Leader- Sai Himawari

A poet, an artist. If words fail, sing. If singing fails, dance

-Logical conclusion? Become idol

-(obv. a valkyrie mega fan. He would never admit that. We know its true)

A romantic soul

dense fucker, Aji could be stabing someone in the background and hes like "what did we say about using our words"

Hes a wip

Aji Kengai

-oh boy

-a gardener

-"yeah thats safe to eat, trust me bro"

-is an idol because hes BIG GAY for Sei, and with big gay i mean hes a yandere because im cringe

-bad at words

-i loaded all my body image issues into him

-if he smiles with his eyes closed, run

If you put their names together (Ajisei) supposed to spell the japanese word for hydragena :,)

Kokoro Cafe

WHAAAT, Another Unit? YES! Main boys. Their gimmik is that they cute cafe staff/ a host club

Leader- Gekko Amina

-looks and talks a bit sus, but actually a good boy

-got scouted, formerly know as the karaoke king

-loooots of confidence, a bit cringe

-shark teef, has to wear braces.

His jacket is so big it has room for another guy

-ironically, he has stae frigth

I FORGOT TO WRITE DOWN HIS NAME AAAA ITS ON THE OTHER REF

-movie fan, but like only old hollywood stuff because he likes the divas so much

-has adapted the personality....is aware he currently lacks the talent to justify it

-friends with Gekko so thats how he ended up here

-has trouble taking no for an answer

-i just think hes cute

Hayato Mikimura

-"Haha great plan guys, anyways wheres my paycheck"

-In need of money. Does this for the money

-scam artist. And not ashamed to rope the other 3 in

-has a twin sister who used to medel

-gets cold fast

-at least he provides brains

Yani Hanabe

-"Wait this is an idol school?" Didnt you go trough the entrance and performance exams? "yeah-" AND THAT DIDNT RAISE QUESTIONS??

-Anxiety on legs

-needs a haircut

-and better clothes

-actually the one who had the idea of the cafe theme after a job brougth them all together

-he is their SON but they also bully him the most

All 4 of them have crossdress designs. Take a guess why

The one i havent drawn yet but is the worst/ best idea

-he has (animu)amnesia

-but is convinced becomming an idol will help that

-im working on it once my hand is doing better, i work better AFTER i drew a vague concept

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can make a shuffle with that many boy. Theres already a temporary unit in story

I love ocs so much. I want more

I want to use them more

Im just very shy about showing my writting

If ur lucky i manage to do more idol costimes

#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars oc #ensembe stars oc #oc #original character #pls tell me about ur enstars ocs

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quietborderline · 3 years ago

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An Open Letter To Fandom (and the BioWare fandom, specifically),

TL;DR:

1. Fandom creators are not trained monkeys. We are not some corporate entity mass producing content. We are passionate fans, of all ages, same as you, who just want to share our love of the source material with the world, same as you. We are full of anxiety and awkwardness, same as you. We can feel things and have emotions, same as you. We're people. Real people. Please treat us accordingly.

2. If you, too, are discouraged by all the bullshit out there, then come say hello. My inbox is always open. I promise we are not all trolls. We are not all hateful, obnoxious assholes in disguise. And we are not all fake as shit takers who don't know how to give. Some of us are just normal, good people who love the content as much as you do and want to squee with you about it. Find us. We are out here, I promise.

Now, I want to tell you all a little story about my return to fandom just over a year ago. But first, a bit of backstory: I've been kicking around fandom for a LONG time now. About 25-30 years. At least 25 of them as an active writer/creator or whatever you want to call it.

See, I come from the RP side of fandom. So, as a creator, I'm pretty used to small, tight-knit communities that almost never had any outside audience. We created stuff with and for each other only.

That became exhausting when all the various platforms we were using decided to kick us out (I'm not gonna get into all that fandom history, as it's been documented many times over by people far smarter and more articulate than myself). Because, remember, right now I'm talking pre-AO3 times. Fandom was scattered across all different journal sites and other platforms and communities. And while I was always, always writing I almost never shared my own work, only the logs and stuff I wrote with others as part of the RPGs.

This will all come together, I promise...

For the sake of condensing this story I'm gonna skip a bit, and fast forward to 2017 and my official entrance into the BioWare fandom.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, friends.

We need to have a talk.

Because this fandom is a fucking disaster. Like I said, I've been participating in and lurking around fandom spaces for 25-30 years now. I've seen some shit, okay. I have never in all that time seen such a fucking cesspool of misery and hate disguising itself as a fandom.

Not EVER. In all that time.

Not in my personal experience, at least.

I have thoughts about why this is. You've heard of the 1% theory of fandom, have you not? If not, you can read about it here on Fanlore. It is great and, usually, very accurate. But BioWare, we have a problem. And I've decided that problem is one of two things: Either our fandom is just fucking backwards, and our 99% is the truly awful ones and our 1% are decent humans. OR. Our 1% is just SO FUCKING UNBEARABLE that our 99% is scared or bullied into total silence.

I really hope it's the latter, otherwise that's just depressing as shit.

And let me tell you something: I don't abide bullies well at all.

If you know me in any capacity... be it from the olden RP days, or my fic/writing, or just general Tumblr fandom stuff, or GISH, or my mental health blog, or theater and real life, or whatever... I think it's fair to say, I'm a decent and kind person? I'm a bumbling idiot, I will give you that, and I have a wicked case of imposter syndrome sometimes because 99% of people are smarter than me in ways that are extremely frustrating to me as a perfectionist lunatic person...

ANYWAY. I digress.

I'm not an asshole.

I reach out to people, I try to be supportive, I give as much of myself as I can. I act a fool out here not just because I am one, but because I want the people like me who hid away thinking they could never be good enough to know that they are. You can be a bumbling idiot, and you can keep fucking shit up, and you can take four goddamn years to stubbornly finish one stupid work of fanfic... and no one cares.

What people care about is your heart. Are you a good fucking person, yes or no? Do you actually give a shit about the people around you?

Or do you just want them to give a shit about you.

If some of you acted in the real world the way you act online, you would be laughed out of existence. In ANY space. Nowhere would be "safe" because you would still be a piece of shit. And that's the appeal for some people, I get that. The anonymity of the internet gives them the ability to say and do all the horrible things they wouldn't do IRL (absolutely fucking HILARIOUS, btw, how that's one of the things at least some of them get their panties in such a twist about, too, but that's a whole different rant for a whole different day). I don't understand it, but I get it. Only that warps everyone else's view of what fandom or other spaces/communities are actually like.

And what sort of behavior is acceptable in those spaces.

So I am here to tell you, this fucking bullshit is not acceptable.

For example, using my current most active fandom, I have a list a mile along of complaints about various aspects of the Mass Effect franchise. Some of them extremely minor, some of them a little less so. Do you know what being an obnoxious asshole to other fans, and in fan-specific spaces, about those complaints does to help anyone or anything? Jack and shit. It doesn't do ANTHING. Literally the only thing that accomplishes is making that space uninhabitable for people who do not share my opinion, or who don't care to focus on the negativity, or blah blah blah a million other fucking reasons.

You are more than entitled to have whatever opinion you damn well please. But if 99.9% of what you want to do is hate on something, make your own "Hate On This Thing" place and invite all your fellow trolls and haters. Have a whole fucking goddamn party, I don't give a shit. I'll even buy you the drinks. Just leave the rest of us alone.

You're toxic waste and I'm sick of looking at you.

Some of you are literally children and I forgive you, because you don't know any better and clearly aren't being taught any better. But some of you are supposedly in your 20s and 30s etc. are you're just pieces of literal human garbage. And at least in part you're the ones teaching the younger crowd how to be smaller pieces of human garbage. Because you're trying to be "cool" or something?

I don't even fucking know but if so god that's so pathetic it makes me insane LOL but I guess that's another rant for another day because I'm getting way off topic here...

When I first started posting BH&R in 2017 after BioWare announced they were giving up on MEA, BECAUSE THE ENTIRE FANDOM IS A DUMPSTER FIRE FULL OF BULLIES AND ASSHOLES do you know what one of my first experiences of feedback was? Someone telling me I'm horrible and problematic and blah blah blah for fetishizing two Hispanic characters. Because my relationship tags were Scott/Reyes and Scott/Vega. This person knew jack shit about me, and I'm almost positive they hadn't even read any of my story because I'm not sure Reyes had even appeared in it yet. Vega certainly hadn't, aside from maybe his name. And they certainly had no way of knowing that MY Vega is aspec, because I hadn't shared any of Sleeping With Ghosts yet... the list goes on, but basically this person made a whole shit ton of assumptions and, in the name of "Wokeness," sent me some less than friendly anons here on Tumblr.

And, I won't lie, that is a part of why I stopped updating for so long.

Because I let some dumbass get in my head.

This is nothing new. This sort of thing happens all the time now.

This is unacceptable.

When I came back last year and started posting again, I stumbled into @radio-chatter and she tried to convince me to chat with one or two other people who were active in the fandom, among them @satashiiwrites. And do you know what I did? I RAN FOR THE HILLS lol. I not only didn't talk to these new people, I also stopped talking to her. I wanted no part of it. In part because my experience with this fandom had not been great up to that point. And, perhaps even in larger part, because I took one look at their AO3 stats and decided I could not sit at that table. Probably didn't even want to.

Guess what? I was wrong.

I know we had a few Tumblr-type interactions, and on Discord, but let me tell you about the one I remember most. The day I finished BH&R.

The day I actually completed BH&R I posted here on Tumblr because I was so fucking excited. This was the first time I'd finished ANY work at all since before AO3 existed, and I'm like 99% sure it's the first time I've ever shared any work that was 100% my own (as I mentioned, I come from rp fandom for the most part as a "creator").

And the two of them reblogged my post, and they were so excited for me and cheering me on, and blah blah blah. At the time it was kinda random and unexpected. And I spent like an hour grinning like a fool.

Now let me be clear, neither one of them have actually read BH&R, to my knowledge, nor do I believe they are interested in doing so.

And I am 100% okay with that. In fact I prefer it, because fandom has all this stupid bullshit pressure, and it makes me insane. No. Stop.

They were cheering for and supporting me.

As, like, a fellow human being.

And maybe a fellow writer, too, I guess. But it wasn't about my story. And it wasn't because I had supported them or reblogged their shit so they felt obligated or some other stupid crap like that which I hate.

It was just them as humans reaching out and being amazing. So, I reached back out to them. And now I consider them friends.

Listen to me: I don't make friends. LOL.

I'm not an easy person to get along with, not because I'm unfriendly but because I'm awkward and I overshare or I don't speak at all and it's just a nightmare having anything to do with me, really, but they do it. We don't (always, at least) have the same headcanons or ships or types of fic that we like, etc. but we respect each other as people.

It's literally not hard.

If BioWare is your only fandom experience, I am begging you to branch out. BioWare is trash. And I don't mean the devs/studio or the games. I mean the fandom. It is hot garbage, and it is not at all representative of the larger fandom community as a whole.

There's something called the golden rule (at least where I come from), you've probably heard of it in some form but it boils down to "treat people the way you want to be treated." And I honestly think that would solve so many of the world's problems.

But what the fuck do I know?

I'm just some trained monkey who writes fanfic...

And if you are in BioWare and you stubbornly love it as much as I do, come say hi. I'm a multi-shipping whore and I'll talk about anything. I have EXACTLY one squick and that is Mpreg but even then it's a "this is not for me but it's cool if you like it" and I'll talk about it with you, I'm just not a fan. I'm not gonna call for your head on a spike or w/e.

I even know a few cool people I can introduce you to.

If you want to make some real friends, that is.

#I'm a rambling hot mess of a human #this post WILL reflect that #you have my deepest sympathy and apologies in advance #<3 #BioWare critical #fandom critical #fandom life #qb is salty

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antialiasis · 4 years ago

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Dave and His Memories Discuss Mia (and Jean)

Back in 2007, when I was writing The Fall of a Leader for NaNo, there was one particular chapter that stuck out. In it, Shadowdart sat down contemplating the roots of his moral system. While I was writing this particular chapter, for whatever reason, I got so intensely into his head that I genuinely felt like I was discovering something legitimately profound and important. By the time I was editing the story in January and got to that part again, it felt pretty unremarkable as a chapter. But the experience of writing it had been something unique. I’d never really felt like that writing before, and never felt it again... until this Saturday, that is.

It's a bit of a long story how that happened. For the past few months I've been participating in the Blacklight RPG on Thousand Roads, as Dave from Morphic, only as a Poochyena (because this is a PMD RP, where any participating humans are turned into Pokémon). Without getting into too much in the way of explanations, the other day on spur of the moment @unrepentantauthor and I started to privately roleplay an imagined interaction between Poochyena Dave and their character's father, a Delphox named Jesse Stranger, where they argue about which of them is less of a terrible father and are both being giant hypocrites going "NO U" at each other and it's great.

Anyway, at a certain point in the argument Jesse the Delphox uses Miracle Eye to mind-probe Dave about whether he's ever had 'violent thoughts' about his kids, and I sat down to write what he'd find. And it happened again! I spent three hours so in his head that I was full-on crying about his feelings and was shaking afterwards and everything. Like thirteen years ago, reading over it again afterwards it's like okay, this is not all that remarkable. But since this stands largely on its own and doesn't require any background knowledge of the RP, here it is anyway, for anyone interested in Morphic extras.

The formatting here is a bit unusual; I originally used Discord spoilers for some of the thoughts in the memories that he refuses to consciously acknowledge, the stuff that wouldn't show up in the narration of his POV of these scenes but is there anyway for a psychic to pick up on. Since Tumblr can't do those, I've replaced them with strikethroughs, which is not quite the same effect, but oh well.

What... what was he doing. Dave's ears flattened back against his head. Miracle Eye? What was that? Was he supposed to have any fucking idea what--

Everything fell in on itself, the Delphox's mind pressing against his own, finding faults, piercing them. He yelled out a panicked string of curses he couldn't hear. Fuck, fuck, what was happening--

--and then, suddenly, a memory. The echoing slam of a door, the unbearable screeching cry of an infant in his arms. she was gone, for good this time, and he knew it, fuck, he fucked it up every time, of course he fucking did Blinking rapidly and standing there and listening to the fucking interminable howls of this freak he never wanted and was somehow stuck with, thanks to these clownish fucking abortion activists. because he'd gotten drunk and fucking bragged about it at a bar, what the fuck was wrong with him A fleeting, angry thought as he looked at the baby, this flailing little bundle: Maybe Jane had the right idea. The mental image of just grabbing her by the ankle and tossing her off the balcony, watching her sail over the trees as the wailing receded into the night, or even just slamming her into the wall, a crack followed by heavenly silence. he didn't want this, he didn't want this, how was he supposed to take care of a fucking baby alone, he couldn't do this, fuck, maybe the police wouldn't even care when the baby wasn't fucking human, or he could just jump after her and get it over with--

His stomach clenched in revulsion, nausea crawling up his throat. What the fuck was this? He barely even remembered that night, hadn't thought of it in fucking years. He wanted to reach out and tear Jean away from this creep, just hold her and keep her safe and make sure nobody could hurt her, ever. Fuck, he just wanted to go home.

--and then a sudden unexpected yank into a series of other memories. Mia, four years old, no idea why she shouldn't hurt people; the abstract realization she was disturbed, weird, but also fascinating. She wasn't a monster; she was just different. Smart. She could figure it out, if he just explained in the right way if he failed that was a problem for later--

--watching the new game Mia and Lucy had invented for the first time a year later, the predatory glint in Mia's eyes as she pounced: it's a game, honestly it's just pretty cute, it's just the same as the little violent impulses they all have this might be more concerning when she has scythes but it's nothing to worry about--

--Mia, seven years old, little scythes beginning to poke out of her arms. Feeling almost giddy analyzing the X-rays: he'd been right, they were growing exactly as he'd predicted. Cheryl taking him aside, asking if she should be worried. No, of course not, she won't do anything, Lucy can stay insubstantial what if -- she won't, she's brilliant, she gets it--

--getting a call from the school, about how Mia, nine, had swiped and cut a girl's hair. Showing up to the principal's office, trying to placate the horrified parents. "She could've killed her!" "Of course she wouldn't have. She knows her own limits. It was just a game, like the games she plays with her sister. We'll talk to her about why she can't do that and that'll be the end of it." the hair's very close to the neck, fuck, Mia, what--

--looking at her in his car one day after one of their weird talks to offer her hotdogs, only to find her staring at him in the sort of way she stared at Lucy during their games, and when he asked what she was thinking she said she was hungry. "Just so we're clear here, when you say 'hungry' you mean 'let's get hotdogs', not 'I want to tear Dave's throat out and eat him', right?" "Both." Fear congealing in his stomach, blood running cold in his veins. She wasn't actually going to, and he knew it -- she was annoyed to even have to explain: "I like talking to you more than I'd like eating you." "That's great, but you can't eat people you don't like either." "I know." "Tell me why." -- but in his mind's eye he saw her lashing out, scythe through his throat, her sharpened fangs tearing at his windpipe, and felt so sick he couldn't breathe. Telling her to please not let him down please before exiting the car, extending his hand towards her and imagining her lunging again and every primal instinct in his brain telling him to get away, but no, she wouldn't, he knew that, and instead holding his hand firm until she took it if she attacked it'd be on him anyway--

--another call. She'd attacked a boy, put a pretty deep cut in his arm. His heart pounding in the office. Mia please don't fucking do this Somehow persuading the principal and the parents that it's a matter of childish impulse control, it's not like she wants to hurt anyone, she knows she shouldn't, they were thinking about making some sheaths for her scythes anyway kind of, maybe, he'd thought about it once and once that happened it wouldn't be a problem. Asking her about it in the car afterwards. Apparently it was this group of kids that kept harassing her about religion, of course it all came down to fucking religion, and she was just defending herself. Like she didn't have that fucking right -- but they talked about it anyway and it'd be fine and they'd make the sheaths Mia please--

--a pang of dread every time he got a call for a while, until at last the third one, when it was clear the principal had already made up his mind when he arrived at the office, and he argued fiercely anyway, they were provoking her, who even does that -- but then she expertly executed a fly on the wall and he couldn't even disagree anymore, she was probably better off homeschooled, and he took her home and they talked about religion on the way and he was glad he'd not have to get any more of these fucking phone calls, and then even fucking Howard was acting like it was all her fucking fault but it wasn't, she wasn't a monster, she was just Mia and she was weird but she was a fucking person and she was his best friend, taking her for hotdogs was like the best part of his week, he couldn't fucking lose her and it wasn't her fault, he'd made her this way and he'd figure it out--

--that horrible day of waking up to all of them gone but Lucy, off on a fucking suicide mission to rescue Gabriel, begging Jean to come home, realizing he'd fucking told them about the trap laid out for them, pacing around the house drinking whatever he could get his hands on trying to imagine they'd all be all right only all he could think was that they were all dying and he should go out there and do something except there was nothing he could do, he'd just be getting himself killed, and fuck, that was fine, fucking bring it, but they'd kill Gabriel too. The utilitarian calculus that rationally they should have just let them kill Gabriel so nobody else would die, they'd all fucking hate him forever but at least they'd be okay, but even then he just fucking couldn't, he was pretty sure Gabriel hated him already but Dave's heart still sank into a bottomless pit at the thought, and all he could do was cling to the fantasy that somehow everyone would be okay and try to drink enough to not remember the rest it'd be his fault, his fucking fault, he told them where to go--

--learning, from Jack's strained recollection of that day, that Mia had died with some kind of psycho fucking grin on her face after slitting somebody's throat, and feeling sick and pressing his lips together as he sat there, but it wasn't her fault, it wasn't her fault, it wasn't her fault, she was fucking unique and he loved her and if they hadn't shot her three times in the head he'd be fucking taking her and driving off, getting her out of the country, he didn't care, they couldn't take Mia he'd made her that way and he hadn't said the right things to her and he'd fucking told them where to go like a fucking idiot--

See, Dave thought, fiercely, in the middle of it, she wasn't a fucking monster, I never thought she was a fucking monster, all I ever wanted was to keep her fucking safe.

#morphic #actual writing #david ambrose's many issues let me tell you about them

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anderwhohn · 3 years ago

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@dochaes asked: When starting out in RP what’s something that took you a long time to understand?

💌 Munday stuff! (#11) [ meme - accepting ]

Okay, so I didn’t get my start in rp on tumblr. I actually started back in 1997 as part of the Ayenee roleplaying community in the yahoo chat rooms. (Gods, I feel old admitting that.)

Things were very different back then, especially considering its nature of public user chatrooms that lent it a free-for-all feel as you just had to have your character walk into the environment (typically a tavern, in my case, since I heavily favoured high fantasy at the time) and hope caught your message in the rapid stream of dozens of roleplays happening simultaneously in the same room while not being connected to one another at all.

Eventually I moved to more private settings, both in chat environments like that, plus instant messengers such as AIM, then to play-by-post forums, emails, and eventually Google Docs, only to switch back to emails before falling out of the scene completely for a while, at least online (I also play tabletop rpgs and LARPs, though mostly only at conventions more recently. I do keep my dice close at hand, though, since they do come in handy some times for handling indecisions in tumblr rp too).

I made the return to online rp in 2018 by jumping into the deep end with an OC (ie Layla), originally in the Supernatural fandom with verses intended for other Mythos-based fandoms, only for the Doctor Who fandom to quickly overwhelm that in terms of activity once they found her, and so I had to rewrite an entire new backstory to fit her appropriately into the DWEU.

Adjusting to tumblr rp didn’t really take me that long, tbh, but the thing that did take longer than I like was finding out how to trim threads. My original sideblog’s earliest posts were all untrimmed and not knowing about xkit at the time, I would just periodically create a new post when it got long enough that scrolling past it was getting annoying.

I forget now who mentioned xkit then, or if one of the meme blogs I follow posted about it, but I was eternally grateful for it. At the same time, that’s also what led to me starting to get a lot wordier in my replies, because I wasn’t as concerned about post length anymore, since there weren’t like 10 other replies in a single reply to get through each time.

Also: a decent tagging system. It took me a few months to figure out that one, and once I did, well... You’ve seen my tags pages. I kinda went a bit overboard with some of Layla’s, but a) it’s a single muse blog, so it’s easier to get away with that there, and b) I was pulling most of the tag quotes from Google Translate Sings lyrics, which are just too good to pass up.

#dochaes #there was a point to this story ( answered )#long dark teatime of the soul ( ooc replies )

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jack-o-cel · 4 years ago

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Never did an intro post thing sooooooooooo....

Hi! You can call me Jack or Cel, both are good. I dont have a preference. I use they/he pronouns. Im Panromantic Asexual.

A few things about me:

Im a writer

I mostly rp, but may occasionally do a short story

I do a lot of character bios and lore drops

Character creation and development is my favorite thing to do

Im pretty open with genres, but my favorites are fantasy, horror, and sci-fi

Im also an artist

I mostly do sketches of my characters, my friends characters, and characters i like from fandoms

I do both traditional and digital, but i have a preference for traditional

I play lots of video games too!

I would list some, but my mind just went blank

I play mostly single player games

I'll play most anything, but i prefer rpg, open world, horror, fantasy, sci fi, VN, mobile, and puzzle games

If it's multiplayer i prefer to play with people i know

And usually fun silly games, or puzzle games

But im open to play fps games as well

I also like asymmetrical survival horror games, like Identity V or DBD

Asks???? Requests???? Commissions?????

I accept asks and submissions! Send me anything, but keep it appropriate pls.

At this time i dont accept any drawing requests, but i do accept writing requests!

I'll do headcanons, drabbles, flash fiction, short short stories, so nothing too long.

You can also ask questions about my OCs! I'll post links to their info's below this section.

I do not do commissions, im just not ready for that responsibility.

Here are my children!

I'll be adding on to this as i accumulate more!

Not everyone may have a link to their info post, as it may not be made yet, so check back occasionally~

Deity Me (which will be my persona for here)

Ravager (UT OC)

Faolan (an OC for a Cryptid rp i started with my closest friends)

Ciara (Cryptid OC)

Aoife (Cryptid OC)

Ardscéin (Cryptid OC) side note: the info in the link may be outdated, as a lot has changed since i did then

Cunignos (Cryptid OC)

Vurugu (Cryptid OC)

13 (Little Nightmares OC)

Jiro (my very own precious OC i made for a series of short stories i started years ago. May add more from those stories)

I can't remember their names for the life of me, but i have these two Castlevania OCs that i really like

Jack (not me, an old UT OC)

Cel (used to be me, but I've made them their own separate person, also an UT OC)

I also have some aus!

Some of these i haven't touched in months, hyperfixation and all that, but i may come back to them someday!

Withered Shadows

This is my FNAF AU

It takes place after there's a huge nuclear war, 100 years after the fact

It's essentially a post apocalypse AU

I have some of the story planned

Lots of the characters are planned out tho!

Links on updates and stuff will be here when it's available.

Teaser post here

Circusfell

My Undertale au inspired by Underfell!

It's basically UF but circus vibes

But also a somewhat changed story

I literally have two characters designed

Asgore, and Papyrus

Papyrus here here here

Skele-o-ffee

My Undertale coffeeshop AU

I actually went pretty far into this

I have all characters planned and with their own work schedules

The story well wasn't really planned

I just enjoyed the coffee shop vibes

I have a whole menu too!

Intro here

SOF sans here

Soulshatter

A smaller UT AU

Where Papyrus has a soulmate that sacrifices themself when geno Chara/Frisk/You tries to kill Papyrus

It's a three part story

The first part is done, the second is a wip

Part one here

Red Petals

I have no idea if this has been done before, but it's essentially my take on a reverse flowerfell au

It's just one short story

It's not done, but here is my sneak peek

Masterlists

So here is where you'll find masterlists to some of my posts. Atm i dont have any, but it will list a link to a masterpost for each of my au's, and stories, for example there will be a masterpost with link for everything related to the Cryptid RP, and there will be a masterpost for my Withered Shadows AU

Yo, join my discord!

If you want...

Some organization things

Im usually consistent with tags...

If you want to see my writing, search for "da writing"

For my art, search "da art"

Anyways!

That's all for now! See ya!

#intro

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briannaswriter · 4 years ago

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I was told I should take the high road. I should just accept that Hillary refuses to speak with me again. I shouldn’t expect answers from someone who won’t give them - has never given them. At the same time, I don’t feel like I can genuinely let this go without talking about it in a format that isn’t DMs.

This is really long, sorry? But I wanted to get all of it out because I want to be free of it, I don’t want it to keep being an ache in my heart whenever I think about it.

tl;dr at the end. Feel free to reply, idc, I’ll get back to it tomorrow.

I met Hillary in a group called @/heroesrpg in about 2012. While I was there, I operated under two pseudonyms: Miranda/Isa and Bea. The why for that is a long story. I have nothing negative to say about Hillary here! She was a great friend who taught me a lot about writing and challenged me to become a better writer. I don’t think I would have gotten this far without writing with her. When I left heroes in about 2013, we didn’t keep in touch. I didn’t really stay in the RP world so I didn’t pay attention to it.

In 2014, I was invited to join Ashbourne at her behest. I don’t recall the specifics of how I found it, I think it was simply me reaching out to her again and finding out she was in a group which she invited me to join, too. I ended up playing a woman named Nadeya Khan who was in a ship with her that was later discarded. Later I picked up Shiloh Morgan, the best friend of her character, Adam, and later Mira Lowell, the elder sister of her character Meyer.

I won’t lie, these dynamics were a lot of fun and I enjoyed playing them.

I was upset that my ship with Nadeya and Adam was discarded (I have a distaste for Adam and the FC Ben/edict Cumberba/tch now, I’m petty, sue me), but I think it was more sucky when all threads with them trickled to a halt. To me, it felt like my character was no longer important because it wasn’t a ship, even if a friendship dynamic would have been just as interesting. I ignored this feeling.

I was sad to leave the group, but I was uncomfortable with an interaction from another player and feeling pushed aside in favor of other ships so I made the decision to leave.

I did keep in touch with Hillary, or I attempted to, but once we were no longer in a group together, we just sorta drifted. We didn’t talk for the longest time here and I forgot her url for a long time. Frankly, I’m not sure how I found it again!

We started interacting again in about September 2018 when I think I reached out to her. This eventually ended with the creation of @lethe-rpg where we could write about old time favorite characters - and we wrote so much in Lethe’s run. Everything from romances, to long-lost parent, to siblings, to best friends, to unrequited loves. We wrote nearly twenty characters each and over ten ships in the time Lethe ran from September/October 2018 to June 2020 when it closed. Or, I should say, we wrote all of these things in theory and a lot of it happened behind the scenes in DM’s between us. When we did write things, they would frequently reach only a reply or two before we had to move onto the next one because she didn’t want to finish the one before. I’ll fully admit that I found this frustrating after a while - but I found it difficult to say no to her about anything, or to speak out against her.

Not only was she my friend, but I very much looked up to her. I considered her a mentor as much as a friend, and her approval meant a lot to me. It meant agreeing with dynamics I didn’t enjoy

pushing for a ship between my character Wesley and ANY of hers. Even if it was already mentioned to her that I had an ongoing connection with another character. If I tried to make this dynamic a friendly connection instead, it was promptly dropped altogether.

trying to get a ship between Gemma and Nate when I mentioned point blank that I didn’t want a pre-planned romantic thing with him after his other one failed.

the fact that Gemma and Lily didn’t get like any interactions completed together until I relented a little on Gemma/Nate. Any mention of them was largely forgotten. Half the time, Lily was treated like a child who hadn’t experienced any pain. Not just from Gemma, but from Gabe and from Hillary herself, who seemed to think that my young FC meant nothing compared to the history I had written for this character. Lily in general was ignored until she brought Lachlan along and prodded him into a ship with Lily. Do you know how many starters I wrote on Lily that were ignored?

the fact that Pat/Kate were the oldest ship in the group but they had like one completed thread the entire time lol.

the fact that Odette/Kate were the oldest family dynamic in the group who had like three NOTES between them.

the fact that Odette/Orion became a ship later who were just... never written. I can be honest now, I found them boring and I’m wondering if she felt the same, or if the lack of writing made me dislike them. Either way, Orion became a drain on my Odette muse, just as the lack of Kate/Odette was.

most stuff with Odette makes me sad. I feel like I had really good connections for her that... didn’t work out, and maybe I took to long to address it.

Mira/Andreas is a dynamic I blame myself on. I did feel sorta like I wasn’t getting anything written with her old ship, and I think me and the mun were drained on it, so while Mira was on hiatus and the mun for her last ship, Clark, was debating letting him go/killing him off, I didn’t mind discussing a new ship. I wanted this ship to be a slow burn, I wanted proper closer on the last one because it was a good ship and the mun is a good friend. This was handled with so little tact on her part, we were instantly hitting ship dynamics from the beginning and I found it callous. I dragged out replies just to avoid it. A shame, because I loved the dynamic, but the way it was handled put a bad taste in my mouth

she wanted an August/Delilah ship? Which I didn’t really want, but she’s really good at convincing you bit by bit that it’s a great idea. When I finally jumped onto this ship and flung myself into it, we got like two notes into it and nothing. Are you seeing the theme yet?

I got nothing against Arthur/Cora because I loved writing them, the only thing I did dislike is how rushed they were and how little I got to explore some of the Riverborn aspects of Arthur’s story with Cora. Also a pregnancy happened hella fast.

But I did have something against the Meadowes dynamic altogether: we had so many pieces of it to use that were never written. I failed sometimes on my part, but a lot of it was Hillary getting easily distracted by something else. Cora/Faolan were rarely written beyond the first reply to a thread. Gabe/Faolan were often two notes in and done. Faolan/Alistair lasted a bit longer, I was impressed. Gemma/Lily was mentioned above, but I’ll also mention how often she tried to take pieces of Faolan’s history and twist it to be her character’s pain without any consideration to previously discussed lore or connections. It wasn’t even about a connection anymore - it was about making her character the focal point. Look at how the Daniel Bisset, Aurelie, and Gabe things turned out: half of the plots were twisted to benefit Gabe’s momentum in the story, and the pieces of angst that should rightly lingered on Aurelie were shifted to the side. I didn’t even write that ship, and sometimes looking at them made me feel like a discarded sweater, but they were cute. Anyhow, this is long, moving on.

Faolan/Saby. I literally almost forgot about them, but like... Legit, I’m glad this ship ended because Saby was wholly too dependent on Faolan’s feelings for her, which he couldn’t even acknowledge because he was still in love with his two centuries deceased wife. Was this handled gracefully, did we get to slow-burn some of their stuff in writing? Sometimes. But again, they weren’t really written, and the ship was pushed and pushed, even when I wasn’t really interested in writing it because I didn’t want a ship for him yet.

Aliza/Tien was twisted out of me piece by piece, prodding at the parts of the Aliza/James connection I found uncomfortable (like the murder, like how difficult it was to plot after a point) until Tien seemed like the best answer. This was late enough into Lethe that I woke up enough to cut the ship off and drop the dynamic. In hindsight, I regret letting this even get so far.

Jonas. Just... most of the things written with him lol because he was constantly pushed onto my characters and others. Jo was hinted as a thing, Wesley was hinted as a thing, I think Nate was at one time. It definitely opened my eyes to the fact that she wanted a ship and that dynamics outside of that were largely ignored.

Do you know what it was like to put your heart into a character / story that was ignored ENTIRELY because she didn’t ship with them? Do you know what its like to be excited about a friendship or sibling or parental dynamic that... stopped getting written because your friend only wrote the character for a ship and the next shiny thing attracted her attention and instead of letting the character go, she made you think the next reply was right around the corner? Do you know how many threads we wrote that didn’t go anywhere, and how thrilled I was to write them still because I thought each time it would be different?

TL;DR: if it wasn’t a ship dynamic, it wasn’t written. If it was a ship dynamic, it was sometimes written. If you weren’t doing any of those things, you were ignored.

TL;DR 2: Do not misread this, please. I understand that RL comes first, I understand that dynamics change, that you’re allowed to change your mind. But do you realize how often I was strung along, or how often I was shoved aside? How hard it was to keep a character going sometimes because their big connection was only important for about a week?

and biting my tongue when my own feelings were callously ignored

when we wrote a ship between Selene/Gabe which was later discarded for a ship with Aurelie which had a much better chemistry, but was handled with little tact for my own feelings as I received constant updates on how their ship progressed, and also how the friendship we developed between Selene and Gabe was just dropped altogether - as it was with Adam/Nadeya so many years ago - instead of revamped to fit a changed dynamic as we discussed ooc.

when I would message her and be ignored unless it was about one of our ships

like the fact that I became an admin in Lethe to help her out and eventually the burdens of handling it were on my shoulders. I don’t mind this, but when it came to asking her for help on simple matters (sending me the psd for banners when I switched computers and no longer had it, posting a bio, skimming a post so I could verify it was okay to post, plotting out future events, posting unfollows/follows for people) or asking if she could write something from an admin post, getting a “sure! I’ll do that later!” and then finding out it wasn’t done for a week until I sucked it up and did it myself. We addressed this eventually, but Lethe ended shortly afterwards.

So. That’s how the last two years have gone, and lord knows how much I’ve forgotten. Hillary and I wrote so much over the last two years, and we definitely grew close. I thought we were beyond just writing friends, that we might have been real friends (after all, we sent christmas/birthday gifts to each other. Hell, I still use the mouse pad she gave me).

I ignored the way she ignored me if we weren’t writing something interesting. I ignored the way she didn’t care about my characters even passively until I shipped with her in some form. I ignored how it felt when entire sections of a back and forth DM was ignored if she didn’t care about the character. I ignored how she refused to write with other people because she disliked their FC, or she didn’t want to write with the mun, or she found the character boring. Half the time, she found a character boring because she didn’t bother learning about them, and the moment she did read about them, they were intriguing. I ignored how she belittled my other ships with other players because “oh I don’t think they click” or “imo that one is boring” or tried to poach those characters to one of her ships. I ignored how she made me feel like a part-time friend sometimes and her best friend other times.

I ignored the way she didn’t help with admin problems even when she knew admin duties were taking a toll on me as people demanded more and more from me. Not even when we discussed ways to handle things on both our parts to make it easier and promptly ignored them the first chance she got.

She made me feel so important when we would headcanon things. It felt like my characters were important, and that I was a good writer with clever ideas and intriguing characters, and that writing her was reaching a pinnacle that others couldn’t reach. She never said this, I’ll give her credit for that, but I have to admit, I felt like my characters didn’t work out unless I had a connection with her.

The last few months were eye opening. I had already spent the last year frustrating from her lack of leadership as an admin, and anger for the way she ignored people’s feelings even when it was pointed out and gave the bare minimum when interacting with other people, and sadness for the fun dynamics we had discussed but never wrote beyond the posted biography. When Lethe ended, I was ready to let it go and move on, I said my peace about my admin things and letting the characters go meant a fresh start. To me, we were friends REGARDLESS OF BEING IN A GROUP TOGETHER OR WRITING TOGETHER. You don’t talk about ooc things and ic things as much as we did only to stop talking the instant you’re done writing together, right?

Wrong. She didn’t even help us close the group that she created, or helped us discuss things with members who weren’t sure what was happening. I gave her time, just short messages about random things because I wanted her to know that I didn’t hold Lethe’s end against her, that we were friends anyway. Those messages were ignored. I gave her more time and then after nearly a month or maybe two, I finally messaged her on tumblr with a brief snippet on how thankful I was to know her because she helped me as a writer, and apologized if I implied Lethe ending was her fault (which I still agree that it wasn’t entirely, it was a situation handled callously and frankly I still think people should have considered that Hillary was barely 3% of the admin team at the time since Ally and I were shouldering the burdens of everything else). I mentioned how I felt like our friendship was being ignored because we weren’t writing together, and how I had thought after nearly two years of talking that we were friends enough to chat once in a while at least, but if we are only RP friends, let me know so at least I don’t have to fucking think about it.

Do you think that got a response?

It didn’t. She didn’t log into discord to chat about it or something else, she didn’t respond to the message, nothing. She quietly unfollowed me and then blocked me. She unfriended me on facebook, I feel like that’s answer enough.

I’ve known her at least eight years and while some of those times were brief, the last two years were most certainly not. And not only does it make me angry that I’ll never know whether she just dislikes me, or whether I made her uncomfortable, or what, I’m also just... really upset that I lost an eight year friendship. There’s only one person I know longer than her and I had hoped that, if not real friends, then we would still be able to meet up in another group together someday. Now it’ll never happen again, and it devastates me. I can count my friends on one hand and I thought, you know, that she was one of them. It feels like a physical blow whenever something comes up on the dash that involves her. I feel so stupid for thinking we were friends when she showed me her priorities in Ashbourne, when she showed me in little pieces here and there throughout Lethe. I feel stupid for writing this entire thing and crying about it. I feel stupid for assuming.

And I don’t know how to talk about this in a way that’ll let me say goodbye to it because I do need to let it go, but I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll lose my ability to write because she’s been such a big part of the writing journey for me.

So here it is. Eight years of friendship summed up in however long this is and here I am, trying to let go - and still a little part of me hopes she’ll see it and reach out about something, anything. And a bigger part that’s angry and doesn’t want to talk to her ever again because I don’t want to do this another time.

tl;dr:

I miss my friend Hillary, but also she’s kind of a shitty friend who only seems to care about people when they are writing with her and I’m an idiot for thinking anything else when I’ve had eight years to learn it. Likely if she did find this post, it’ll be misinterpreted in every way until I’m not only an idiot, but also I’m a bully who didn’t give her time and space, who pushed things on her she didn’t want, who she pitied. Because it just occurred to me now how easily she can warp the truth, how she can prod things bit by bit, until it fits just how she wants things to look that’ll benefit her the most. I love my friend, but I’m done. No matter how much I miss her, I deserve more than to be the butt of whatever joke she wants to say to make this sound cool.

#shush mira #I was gonna post this later but fuck it #long post #like.... really long post

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sunshiinepower · 4 years ago

Note

What made you want to rp the characters you do? Do you have any oddly specific headcanons for any of them?

What made you want to rp the characters you do?

Man, good freaking question!! I’ll stick to the two muses that most made me want to rp, and that would be Mirio and All Might.

All Might I have always wished to embody - even just irl. I’ve always wanted to bring some kind of good and positivity into the world and onto other people, and his story just really spoke to me on an emotional level. I was in the deepest pits of depression several years ago, and it was genuinely a very, very dark for me. My Hero Academia swung into my life around that time, and gave me just enough kick in the butt to keep on swinging myself. It gave me the strength needed to find some hope for a better tomorrow, and in doing so, I was able to meet my now-girlfriend and some new friends and obtain some new support systems and all the good stuff! So like, roleplaying All Might, for me, was always something I wanted. I bounced around in the fandom for a little while, deleting some blogs due to depression, found myself lumped in with some bad eggs when I did try to roleplay All Might, and then was urged to try again by my (you guessed it) girlfriend. She’s not in the fandom herself, but she’s always willing to lend an ear while I scream and/or sob about All Might, haha!!

Overall, like-- I wanted to rp him because he’s just so genuine. And there’s so many layers to him too. He’s a Symbol of Peace and Justice, but he goes so much deeper than that. Depressed about his circumstances. Ready and willing to die until meeting Midoriya and he’s instilled with a new hope and vigor in regards to his life. Wants to do his best for everyone, even if it means pushing himself too far or sacrificing pieces of himself. He’s just such a good dude and a well-rounded character, and I really, really wanted to bring that into the rpc.

As for Mirio, it’s about the same! I was blown away by his ability to fight and keep on fighting. Like. I was won over when he was all dorky and also an absolute chad, but his ability to stay positive no matter what, man-- that shit gets me. When he fights Overhaul and his Quirk is stolen and he is STILL like “I am Lemillion!!” I was just-- okay. I’m sold. Haha!! And after Nighteye is killed and he is STILL doing his best to be positive-- man. I just...it gets me RIGHT in the heart because, again, that’s the kind of person I aspire to be! So it was super easy to try and slip into his character, and I have just really, really worked hard to try and bring his positivity and good-vibes TO his character and those that interact with him.

Do you have any oddly specific headcanons for any of them?

I do!!

Like, I was telling another roleplayer that Toshinori dose not know how to cook. Period. In every verse, in every AU, when this dude be injured he just gives up on nutrition and shit. It’s ramen, 7 days a week & 3 times a day, and that’s the only thing he has the energy to cook. He LOVES good food though, he just isn’t willing to put effort into it for himself. He also loves murder mysteries. On nights that he loses sleep because of his injury (and even without it) the dude spends hours watching them. Invests in them fully and attempts to solve the case before the end.

For Mirio, I suppose one such specific headcanon would be that outside of his hero work, he loves to sketch. Nothing extreme and nothing super skilled (because most of his time is spent exercising and the like) but it’s something he takes great pride in. Some doodles here and some doodles there; all for the sake of relaxing and taking a breath of fresh air. It isn’t something he shares openly, but a rare few know about it. It’s an incredibly rare hobby for him to indulge in, but even still - it’s there! He’s also super in love with any kind of drama-romance series. Korean dramas? He loves and adores them. Wants to know every update and every detail about them. Every love triangle and sudden plot twist. He is invested. Emotionally and mentally. It’s part of the reason his preferred videogame choice is RPG’s.

#phew!!#that was a lot more than i intended!!#sorry about that everyone >////<#but thanks so much for the ask anon!!!#i hope you enjoyed the answer!! ^u^#anonymous

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pocmuzings · 4 years ago

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I want to do a horror/slasher rpg where the murderer is going after all the children of the people he blames for the death of his daughter. (They're going to be in college because icky with high school kids) But I also want to explore the town as a whole and sort of world-build and explore the characters and history. Any suggestions for how to go about without just focusing on the children?

THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING 90′S SLASHER HORROR CONCEPT I LITERALLY WOULD PASSS AWAAAYYY FOR THIS PLEASE OH MY GOD ?!?!?!?!?!?! i literally love whodunnit’s and slasher’s and i miss when rps would have the killer BE one of the characters . that was always wild and fun .

i think it’d be a good idea to make the rp both skeleton and oc . that way if people want to apply for the children they can , or they can just make a townie ! you could make a really strong locations page that really holds a good aesthetic to the town ( autumn leaves outside the mechanic shop , 24/7 diners , misty mornings near the college , a kooky ‘ psychic ‘ store that’s a bit decrepit looking ) . i think this would help a lot with world building because it would make it look unique and it helps with visualisation straight off the bat !

also part of the app ( semi appless could work but thats so up to u ! ) i think it’d be a good idea to ask for a character job ( and then point them to the locations page ! ) . i think this ALWAYS is a great way to world build within the rp and i think when rps do this it also helps build connections ( some people end up working in the same places and then bam , sudden connection between them ! ) .

also world-building wise , you could create town lore if you wanted to ( it’d require work and detail but it’d be a cool bonus ! ). this town lore could include EVERYONE in the rp too , not just the children . e.g there’s one family who’s part of the town lore and their sons have always gone missing , there’s whispers that outside the local petrol station you can sometimes see a man standing there at 2am but you can never quite reach him . that way , even townies get that same ‘ spooky’ feeling , if thats what ur after ! again these are all just suggestions bc u may want to go somewhere else entirely , or maybe my answers are completely irrelevant and not the path u wanna go , and thats ok too !!!!

as for how to include characters that aren’t the children , but can be still strong parts of the rp , you could include ( in the app maybe ? ) what their connection to the children are . maybe they don’t like the children and find them to be nuisance’s. maybe they always keep a special eye out for the children . or maybe muns could write what their character was doing the day that the Killer’s daughter died . you could give people chances to place some red herrings within there . or to build negative and positive plots and development within themselves and their own characters . maybe some characters know about the killer , or the plan the killer has hatched .

overall , so long as you aren’t making the rp JUST about the children and ONLY the children will have plot drops and events and stuff catered to them , then i think you could very easily build and include other characters and the overall world , and i think u’d do an amazing job at it !

i hope this has helped u in some way . i’m really sorry if i’m way off the mark or nothing i said was useful ! pls feel free to keep me in the loop bc this concept for a rp sounds AMAZING and i really wanna join fjkfdjk

#rph #rpc #admin help #rp help #murder mention tw #just in case!#Anonymous

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haledamage · 5 years ago

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first impressions of Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous, for those interested. should be spoiler-free, mostly talking about characters and class stuff, keeping it pretty vague so I don’t spoil the fun, I just want to talk about it (feel free to ask about specific things if you want to know and I’ll see what I can do):

less buggy than a lot of alphas I’ve been a part of, so that’s good, but I didn’t really run into very many bugs in Kingmaker or Deadfire either so maybe I’m the problem.

romances aren’t in the game yet, and even so we don’t know who any of the romanceable companions are (except for the two “bonus” stretch goal romances, but I think there were four before that? and they brought it up to six (seven with Queen Galfrey from the social media unlock)), but I am in love with everyone I’ve met so far, which granted is only 3 people but they’re all great.

Though Lann is standing out to me as an early favorite, because I love the deadpan-hides-their-insecurities-with-dark-humor Edér and Theron-ness of him. And also Seelah, and just... all of her. She’s beautiful and sweet and perfect and not enough rpgs let me smooch paladins.

I need Irabeth and Anevia to know I love them and would die for them. Listening to them talk about how in love they are and their ridiculous fairytale romance (Beth rescued Nevi from being sacrificed by cultists! She’s a literal knight in shining armor! The romance of it all!) makes me so happy!

The new classes are really cool. I’ve been playing with Oracle, and the class fantasy of it is really neat. I really like the rp and fic implications of the curses, of being a divine caster but not by choice. like a dnd warlock only with healing spells instead of arcane.

I’m already really attached to my Commander :P oops! she’s an aasimar oracle named Ajé and you’ll probably see more of her once the game actually comes out

#pathfinder: wrath of the righteous #I don't want to say too much because A) I'm only a couple hours in #and B) it's still alpha and a lot of things might change between now and release #but so far I love it and I'm excited for the full game

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colony22graphics · 5 years ago

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❝Shine on, diamond.❞

◆ member since: nov. 22, 2013 ◆ longest character: alexander donovan ◆

@alexander-donovan, Well, here we go.

Rory, there's no way on earth I could possibly describe what you've done for this community. Aside from making it all in the first place, constructing the post-apocalyptic sandbox we all hold so dear, you also pay attention to how it's executed---from basic principles of operation and how we ought to respect each other as players, down to the smallest, weirdest headcanon. It matters to you---which I think is probably the best way to summarize your energy and wisdom, the Rory-ness of it all:

Things matter. People matter. Caring matters.

In a world where we're pretty damn used to moving from one diversion to the next at a moment's notice, you make something that's absolutely set apart by saying, resolutely and passionately, that what we do here really matters.

And you're right, to think that. If you need any further proof that you---Rory---matter, you can look at me writing this damn letter (and swearing every three sentences, sorry). But you in your extremely Ro way, said hey, six years fucking matters, and so do all the people we play with, so let’s get mushy on the main and tell them. And I can tell you to your face you're right and this was a stellar idea because... I do that now. Because of your influence, I'm a better person, one who does actually try and tell people what I think.

You challenge people to care, and to translate their caring into something others can recognize, and reciprocate. You’re never afraid to point out the importance of saying things and leaving a meaningful mark, becoming an active part of our community instead of staying in our own heads (as introverts on the internet are prone to doing).

You're also a hell of a writer, which is inspirational in itself, and I can’t leave that out of it. Your dedication to your characters, to their motivations and struggles, shines through in every post you make, and you don't let fear or insecurity take root or stop you from doing what you love. You know it's not about achieving perfection, but about collaboration and growth. The way we write is an exercise in discipline and embracing the joys of language, it's not meant to be fine art (though a lot of the stuff you come up with off the cuff blurs the line between the two on a regular basis.) It's really very rude how talented you are.

I won't talk too much more about you and me personally because you already know it pretty well, but I will mention that when I offered to help out with tech stuff, you don't even know how impossible being a full mod felt for me, at the time. I'd just come out of some rough experiences and was ready to never do that again. But over the years, you gave me steps that I could take only when I felt comfortable, and let me accept only the responsibility that I thought I could manage (though you always told me you knew I was more than capable of handling it). In a very real way, with your patience and understanding, you gave me back my confidence, and my willingness to be vulnerable. That's something I won't ever forget.

You have my respect and my friendship, always.

And dear lord, if Tumblr has managed not to self-destruct in the next five or ten years, I really hope we're still around doing this shit. No place I'd rather be.

Love you, Ro.

<3 Lottie.

(Oh, by the way, I took the liberty of adding something else, under the cut. I knew that I would never be able to cover everything, and that I’d run out of words, so I turned to others to fill in the gaps and maybe it’ll help convey it all a little more properly. Many thanks to everyone.) ❤

—- Happy Colony 6th Anniversary —-

RO, YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE GIFT. I’m incredibly grateful all those years ago I saw that Bones bio and decided to join this crazy little family because that is exactly what you have created with the Colony: You have made a family. You have always been a pleasure to write with, a hard-working and careful admin, and now this second go-round I'm happy to call you a good friend. I wanted to mirror your sentiment on my anniversary post, it is amazing how time rewards our patience with this second meeting! I owe you a very real debt because thanks to this group when a friend let me down whilst I was on a different goddamn continent, thanks to you, I found Cassie there to help me out! The group is an extension of you: thoughtful, kind, emotional, and funny as hell. - Nicola

Rory, your dedication to the Colony (and previously Belvedere) astounds me every day. Writing with you is an absolute joy, thank you for all that you do for us!! - Cassie

RO HOLY COW!! It's insane to think of being part of something so wonderful for so long, I can't imagine how proud you must be to call this place home. I absolutely love writing with every character I've gotten to interact with, you approach your characters and this RPG with such a passion, it's always made getting to be part of it all the more special to me! To many years to come! - Molly

The things I admire most about you are your kindness, your compassion, your understanding and the way you always make the best of a situation. You've been nothing but welcoming and kind to me since I've had the privilege of joining this insanely talented and incredible group, and every day I am in awe of the love and care and detail you pour into the rpg. You have been so supportive over these past few months, every day I consider myself insanely lucky to have met you. I adore you and I'm so happy for you that you've come so far in your own personal journey, you truly do deserve all the happiness in the world. - Lou

Ro, you’re an absolutely wonderful mod and person. I’ve never met a more dedicated and creative mod in all my years on this website. You’re an astounding writer and creator who leaves me wanting to be better. You’re a wonderful person to write with and an even better friend. I love you and all the work you do for everyone in this group. Thank you for creating this fantastic place and starting this wonderful family. - Lee

Thanks for always being so open and welcoming! It's been such a blast writing with you. - Ren

Your commitment to this game and its players is absolutely next level, and it shines through in literally everything you do for us. I haven’t felt so at home and so comfortable in an RP in such a long time, possibly ever, and I know so much of that has to do with the amazing environment (both IC and OOC) you’ve spent such a long time painstakingly and lovingly cultivating. This RP wouldn't be the incredible space it is without such an incredible and dedicated team of mods. I hope you know how much I appreciate all you do, and how much I flippin' love ya! - Alex

Rory, you're a perfect admin and an amazing friend! You've always made me feel so welcome here, from day one, and my heart feels warm and fuzzy when I think of you. I utterly adore all your characters and your writing is just brilliant, it's always so much fun to brainstorm and write and plot with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! - Ellie

When an rp has a lifespan of not just a year or two, but SIX FREAKIN YEARS, you must look to your leader. Ships don’t sail without a captain, and you have been the most loyal, loving, and adventurous captain to your crew. Congratulations on this amazing accomplishment, love. xoxo. - Amy

Rory, I just wanted to thank you for how welcome you've made me feel since I joined the group. It takes a special person to be an admin (dedicated, patient, and just a little bit weird), and the six years you've been running this group is a testament to how well you do it. You've got incredible creativity and passion, and I know I'm not the only one that feels so lucky to write with you in this world you've built. Congratulations on six years! Here's to many more. - Nick

RORUUUUU. I literally have no idea where my life would be now if I'd never met you. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you inspire me to be braver and stronger and more self-loving. Thank you for being my friend even after all these years. - Mika

I don’t think I can concisely put into words how much you mean to me, but I’ll try: we first met in 2012 and through all these years you’ve continually inspired me with your talent and hard work. You’re more than just an incredible friend, you’re an ICONIC leader that has the determination and talent to keep this group running for six amazing years (with the help of your equally talented and wonderful co-mod, naturally, wink wonk). The Colony is a family to me, and I think to all of us, even before it’s a writing group. It couldn’t be what it is today without someone as tirelessly understanding and creative at its helm. You’re an absolute gift, you’ve been there for me through thick and thin, and I’m grateful every day that I get to call you a friend. - Maddie

Ro, you have been so kind and amazing since day one! You have this astonishing energy and a kindness that honestly makes the colony feel like another home. You’re such a phenomenal writer, and have made this rp a community like no other. I can’t quite put into words how much I appreciate you, and how much effort you put into everything you do. You’re so talented and I feel incredibly lucky to say I’m a part of this community. Thank you for being you. xxx. - El

The Colony has been a living, breathing world in which to create, and the key piece - creativity - is embedded in your DNA. You aren't just an enthusiastic mod. In some aspects you are the Col. I know you want everyone to feel included and allowed to be inspired by the writing of others rather than hemmed in by rules and egos so many other groups have. Thank you for throwing all your characters at me when one of mine has some wild scheme. I've said before your writing is cinematic in its expression and it always challenges me to want to (try to) write on a higher level. I'm grateful to have you as a sounding board when I get stuck in the mud of my own self-doubt with writing. Thank you for just being a friend as well and letting me ramble too. It is impossible to sum up this wildest of rides out of all my writing adventures so, much love, as always. xx. - Cat

#col22graphics #alexander donovan #corbin ealy #teilo aisling #adrien bennett #felix turner #orson hurst #cr: lottie #cr: rory #6th year anniversary

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spellscarred · 5 years ago

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♠, ♔, ♦, ☮, ✮

SEND ME A ♠ FOR ME TO DESCRIBE A FAVOURITE RP I’VE BEEN IN.

So there was this RP years ago, about angels and demons on a submarine to fight a big bad evil that lurked in the depths that threatened existence. I don’t really remember the details of it, but that was a really fun and interesting RP. We never did find out what the big evil was, because the admin had to take a hiatus and demanded that we all stopped RPing because he didn’t want to miss anything, and that more or less killed the RPG, but for those few weeks it was really cool and interesting. Would’ve loved to see how that would’ve worked out.

SEND ME A ♔ FOR ME TO DESCRIBE A FAVOURITE RP CHARACTER OF MINE.

Let’s be real, anyone who knows me knows I fucking love my disaster bi Finn McGinty. In August, he’s gonna be like, six years old, and while he’s changed over the years, the core of him is still there.

Basically, he comes from a rough, fighty family who believes helping/protecting people is the number one priority. His parents are rowdy-boy-turned-art-curator and his best friend who always supposed him, and he looooooves his parents. His pa (the best friend) is super frustrated with Finnán at all times because Finn only listens to his da (the rowdy boy), and his da just... lowkey enables his chaotic shit so long as it’s harmless.

His da also instilled Finn’s love of art of any and all kinds in him, and the importance of it. He’s ridiculously smart but like thrives on being a fucking dumbass, like his own idiocy sustains him; he’s argumentative and honestly kind of an insensitive prick at times, but he’s very protective of people and half his assholery comes from the fact that he doesn’t usually think before he speaks and he’s unintentionally blunt about the things he says. Then he like gets confused why people are mad at him, lmfao.

He’s a classical archaeologist and Egyptologist (because those three cultures had so much interaction at one point, it kinda comes as a given), and a polyglot, and he has an intense love of language and the written word. Finn’ll honestly read anything you give him (even if he disagrees with it, because to his logic, if you know what the other side is arguing, it’s easier to tear those arguments to shreds), and while he loves art and history, he is very against the private ownership of ancient artefacts. He wholeheartedly believes that artefacts should remain and be displayed in the country of origin, and... well.. he’s very Chaotic Good in the sense that, he’ll do illegal shit for the right reasons, and yes, he will go behind Western museums backs to make sure artefacts stay in their countries of origin.

My favourite part about Finn is that... he’s incredibly charming and always has a grin on his face, which hides the fact that he has clinical depression, which he feels incredibly guilty about, and there’s some days he can’t even get out of his bed because he feels so shit, which makes him feel worse, because he has everything he ever wanted, and he still has a hard time being happy some days. My other favourite part about him is how much he loves his parents and his older biological brother. Nothing gets him more excited than the prospect of seeing his older brother, whether they’re teenagers or in their thirties, the boy will legit just jump in Loch’s arms and cling to him for as long as Loch’ll put up with it (which usually is quite a while, because the feeling is mutual). And no matter how much he roasts his da to his face, he fucking adores that man, like he’s a real daddy’s boy, he can’t go without talking to his da at least once a week, it makes him miserable.

SEND ME A ♦ FOR ME TO DESCRIBE A PLOT THAT I’VE BEEN WANTING TO DO.

Not really a plot, I guess, but WORLD OF DARKNESS STUFF! Which is why I made @coteriesrp that I’m super excited for.

SEND ME A ☮ FOR ME TO DESCRIBE AN AMAZING RP EXPERIENCE.

Anything I do with my best friend, honestly. We’ve been friends since I was 16 and she was like... 13, I guess? And man. I just love everything we’ve done over the years, whether it’s retired plots, old verses, inactive ships. Doesn’t matter. She asks me, “do you wanna do anything?” every night, and if I were a puppy, I’d be wagging my damn tail so long it might fly off even after 15 years.

SEND ME A ✮ FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT MY FAVOURITE FANDOM TO RP IN.

So obviously World of Darkness, but that’s a given. I guess aside from that, my favourite fandom to RP in might be the Elder Scrolls? Is it obvious that I love fandoms with incredibly thick and complex lore and extensive timelines? It’s just... because there’s so much lore, and because the timeline spans millennia, there’s room to do and make your own thing, which is the same reason I love the World of Darkness. Fandoms whose timelines are so unimaginably vast that you’d need a scholar’s attention to not only understand but remember it means that... ultimately... the timeline doesn’t really matter. It just means there’s history, and it leaves room for your little stories in different times. If that makes sense.

#regentrps

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pixel-cat-1 · 5 years ago

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I just finished The Outer Worlds

I don’t really ever use this blog for more than reblogging stuff, so this is probably coming out of left field for anyone who follows me, but as you see in the title, I beat The Outer Worlds not a couple of minutes ago. I have some thoughts I’d like to talk about while their fresh, and this is as good a place as any to do that lol

So, what did I think of it? Overall, I think The Outer Worlds is okay game that ultimately fails to meet up in many regards to not only Obsidian’s golden child, Fallout New Vegas, but in some departments even regular ass Bethesda games from years ago. And that’s honestly such a shame, because TOW had so much goddamn potential and yet I finished it and felt practically nothing for the entire last level and final ending sequence.

The main issue I think is that ultimately speaking, TOW doesn’t necessarily do anything different from any other RPG I can think of, and it doesn’t do anything like that super well.

For example, the combat’s good on a technical level. The controls and mechanics are fun to use (especially the dodge system), but the enemies tend to either range from “complete curb stomp bitch babies” to “bullet sponge that’ll kill me so fast I won’t even know what happened.” Most fights weren’t particularly engaging, and I was basically handicapping myself but not using the companion abilities for about 75% of the game (I don’t know why I never tried pressing the d-pad buttons, but yet again, when I can just shoot shit and huff an inhaler, I didn’t need to think too hard). The disparity of how difficult the game can be is often confusing, and I was more often limited because of my ammo count more so than my ability to play the game.

The RP aspects can be good at times. There are plenty of skill checks that reward you for being a smart little egg, and a part of RPG’s I like is being able to avoid combat and make people happy, and generally make myself useful, so that was fairly fun. Overall the dialogue options and the performances by most VA’s left me not feeling like I was being hindered in acting and responding to situations how I’d like, so at the very least, that didn’t let me down.

The music was overall enjoyable, although very forgettable, and sometimes a bit all over the place: there’s Western-y guitar ambient tracks, also some more techno-y ones? Elevator music that sounds like they got it from a royalty free website. This kinda wish-washyness ties into multiple issues I had with the game I’ll get into further on.

The graphics are good, which isn’t necessarily shocking anymore because every game looks good. There are some aesthetic choices I liked, that being things like the Art Deco style architecture and advertisements from the loading screens. Terra 2 is gorgeous as all hell, with the skybox being particularly amazing (I’ve often fantasized about Earth having rings, so this partially fulfills that fantasy). Monarch is overall also very well done, with making it look and feel like a hostile shithole with ravenous wildlife. The looming gas giant overheard also does a good job of making me feel dread, which is about as much of that feeling I ever got. However, the game never really maintains a distinct “style”, rather it collages a bunch of them at once. Because for all the aesthetic of the Art Deco style that they do for cities like Byzantium. there’s like 10 levels/areas that are just generic as all hell “sci-fi space shit” that you’ve seen before. And then there’s Scylla, which is so fucking boring in design I don’t know why it’s even in the game.

This creates an issue where it’s like they wanted to make the game look Bioshock, but some people wanted something out of Mass Effect. But some people played Borderlands, and wanted to go for the wacky space bandit and hostile environment feel. But they also wanted to stick it to Bethesda, so they made is vaguely look like a Fallout game as well. It’s hard to describe in text, so I’m just gonna post these and show it best I can

^ It looks like space Bioshock here

^ And here it reminds me more of Borderlands than anything else (it’s a lot easier to see if you look at it from the ground, rip)

Scylla is literally just a rock. As far as I can tell, you could probably fucking avoid the damn thing if you avoid side quests. There’s fucking nothing there. Just enemies, a few side quest things, an empty town and a giant terraformer thingy that’s interesting to look at for like 4 seconds. And despite what you’d think, no, there is no low gravity. That would’ve at least made this place have some interesting gimmick or mechanic, but no. It’s just a fucking dumping ground for side quests. God. Fucking. Damnit.

All science-y buildings just look like this for the most part across all levels. It’s not bad, just very generic and same-y.

The Groundbreaker’s fairly interesting, until you realize that all it is is essentially a giant corridor front to back. Actually, scratch that, it’s two corridors! One of which is this Back Bays area overrun with criminals. How do you get to this clearly dangerous and isolated part of the ship? Well a fucking elevator smack dab in the middle of the pavilion of course! So anyone can just go up or down into this apparent no man’s land part of the ship by literally going into it via an elevator. Dear god.

^Monarch definitely has one of the best looking environments in the game, tied with Terra 2 down below

But what absolutely fucks the game overall is despite how much effort they put into making everything look nice (regardless if you actually like it or not), the overall level design in terms of function and whatnot? Mind numbingly boring.

All levels are really small maps with (at most) a handful of major buildings or towns depending on the scale, and the rest is just a bunch of abandoned buildings with some enemies, or a crashed ship or something. There's just...nothing going on with half of these dungeons.

Also the vast majority of buildings have a “Quarantine” sign out front or is locked in some capacity, which means you could have 4-5 buildings in a random batch of them along a road, but only 2 you can explore. And since all the fucking interiors across multiple planets look the exact same, it leads to an incredible feeling of sameiness in a game that has you running around an entire solar system. How the fuck even??? I’d argue fucking Fallout 3 handled this better. At least there was more to do! More overall dungeons and levels! Did I miss something? Am I just fucking stupid and I missed the all the good shit?

Combine this with the wish-washy aesthetics and music, it leads to an incredible feeling of not really knowing what to make of things. You’ll just be sprinting around, shooting all the red things on the compass just to get it over with by Monarch. And when you realize that LMG’s are just...the best weapons in the game as far as I could tell, and there’s no real downsize to them, you’ll just fucking run around gunning everything down while some forgettable track plays in the background until some enemy with a weirdly large health bar forces you to think for a bit before you get back to running around and shooting shit again.

Despite this though? I still overall enjoyed the combat. I liked running around and becoming the 4th Horseman. Plus with the mechanics overall being fun to use, it wasn’t really that bad. But I can’t say on an objective level I think it’s good for a game to feel like that. Because despite how heavy handed I’m being right now (and will be throughout the rest of this impromptu review), I don’t hate this game.

Sound design is overall very good. Guns make satisfying shooty shooty bang bang noises, and as I said before, the VA’s are overall very good all around. Parvati stands out as the most interesting character to listen to in general. She has a lot of informal speech patterns that makes her distinct, and is generally a treat to listen talk. At worst, you get a character like Nyoka, who doesn’t sound bad by any real means, but for a lot of her dialogue, I felt they should’ve slowed it down and focused on getting her emotions down. But it certainly wasn’t bad.

Storywise? This game wasn’t particularly interesting. I’m gonna put the keep reading thing here because I want to avoid spoilers for anyone who hasn’t played yet and cares about them. Long story short, I think the game was good, but very disappointing given what it could have been. I enjoyed myself for the most part, but often found the lack of anything super special to really hold it back from achieving something I think the gaming industry needed in an era of, ironically enough, hyper greedy corporations with no morals to speak of.

So, what did I think of the story? And I guess by extension, the side quests. Overall, I think the main story was...not very good. There was a lot of good stuff inbetween though, and a lot of side quests and little things definitely were enjoyable. But the plot is just not nearly as engaging as it should be. Given how short it was though, that might’ve been a mercy.

The story, as roughly as I can summarize is, is that you’re a colonist frozen on the colony ship “Hope.” It’s been adrift for 70 years, but you’re woken up by a guy named Phineas Welles (he’s basically Doc Brown, but nicer). The Board (which consists of the 10 companies who own and run the colony/solar system) try to stop him, but they fail, and you’re escape podded onto Terra 2, near a dying town called Edgewater. The pod accidentally kills the contact you were to meet, so now you’re gonna steal his ship and use it to do shit basically.

Along the way, you pick up a ragtag band of miscreants and general shitheads and kill a lot of people and wildlife in a quest to stop the corrupt Board from running the colony harder into the dirt than they already have. It’s very by the numbers, more or less. I guess.

The immediate issue is that, despite being able to join the Board and betray Phineas if you want, there’s absolutely no fucking reason to do that. Not a single goddamn reason, other than for the evulz. This creates an issue where I feel no reason to deviate from the Phineas side of the story. And I know what someone might be thinking “But Pixel! The Board is supposed to be evil!” And I am absolutely aware of that. But the thing is, so was Caesar’s Legion in Fallout New Vegas. And yet, that faction is often considered just as interesting and compelling a faction for the game as the NCR or Mr. House. People will, to this day, still argue over who had the best idea for solving the Wasteland’s issues. Because despite how evil the Legion is, they still had very valid points about the NCR and how horribly corrupt and bloated it was. And there was absolutely an argument to be made about how safe they made their lands for those under their ownership. Stuff like that that makes you actually consider and think about whether or not you're actually making the right choices for the whole of the New Vegas wasteland, and by extension the rest of the Western part of America.

Here? There’s no contest. There is no necessary evils. There is no good reason the Board does anything. No logic, no reason. All they can do is fuck shit up even more, and that makes them such a boring, vague antagonist that there was never a moment in my mind I actually considered working for them. Any potential moments they had to sway me or dashed aside by them constantly proving how they could never actually fix the problems they made. And if that was the intention? Then Obsidian fucked up.

People remember the villains that raise a point a hell of a lot more than they do villains that are just evil for the sake of it (there are obviously exceptions, for an RPG? you need a compelling villain). And that’s why no one will remember this game in a decade. It pales so hard in comparison to New Vegas, it’s not even funny. It’s on par with Fallout 3, at best. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing if the whole point of this game was to make a statement against an increasingly morally bankrupt Bethesda.

Let’s look at, per se, Skyrim. Paarthurnax was a supporting character with an interesting backstory: he’s Alduin’s brother, who is the main antagonist. He is a dragon that secludes himself on the top of the tallest mountain in Skyrim, who meditates and focuses on suppressing his inherit evil dragon nature. Despite this nature, he chooses to be good. And he asks a very compelling question.

"What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

In a single sentence, Skyrim asked a more though provoking question than the entirely of The Outer Worlds. And if you played F:NV, then it’s probably weird to hear that, because F:NV was full of moral and philosophical quandaries. So where did it all go?

The thing is, people forget that the Obsidian that made F:NV is dead and gone. The actual people who made that game have all moved on from that company. This is the child trying to replicate the success of it’s parents, without entirely understanding exactly what the parent did to achieve what it achieved.

The biggest difference between F:NV and TOW is that F:NV really forces you to think. TOW just doesn’t require that, at all.

Phineas good, Board bad. No thinking required.

I think the real warning sign is at the beginning of the game as well. Edgewater, the first town in the game, is dying. People are leaving and the town's also dealing with a disease epidemic. The town’s leader’s answer? Cut off power to the deserters, and force them to work harder despite the fact the town’s basically dying because of the overworking and disease. Despite the fact there’s not even enough medicine to heal everyone, and they have to play favorites with who lives and who dies.

What the fuck logic is this? Why would I ever choose that?

The only other choice, unless I missed a compromise solution (which I would’ve wanted) is to route power to the deserters and finish off the town more or less. The deserters wouldn’t take in everyone though, so a lot of people would die anyways. But even then, she’s still clearly the more competent leader. There’s not a goddamn contest.

It just continues like that the whole game. I rarely had to think about who I’d side with. because the solution is obvious. The literal only reason I’d side with the corporations is if I was being evil, nothing else.

The best the story gets is when you need to make a compromise on Monarch between MSI (a corporation who got the boot from the Board) and the Iconoclasts (Religious people who are anti corporation). If you work with the second in command of the Iconoclasts, you can depose their extremist, dipshit leader and work out a truce. Which is good! It rewards the player for this too, when these factions come to help in the final level of the game (and when you see specific characters you could save helping out, that also make it feel like your decisions had an impact). You see the two factions...standing next to eachother, which isn’t much, but it’s about as much change you see in the game.

Which is also another thing that TOW fails to accomplish: a sense of longevity with my decisions leads to me feeling that, despite making the right choices, nothing really changes.

Going back to Edgewater, you’d think after a while, I’d come back and the town would be entirely gone or something, right?

Nope.

Some NPC’s stood outside the factory forever, as did some guards. There weren’t any lights on. That’s about it.

Well, certainly the Deserters must give me more quests to help out, which can lead to me establishing them and helping them help the Edgewaterers, right?

No. Very quickly you realize there’s very little do or talk about with NPC’s after you do monumental decisions. The only functional difference is an opinion slider, which is another imitation from F:NV that means fuck all. The only in game things it affects is: a) The prices of venders of that factions

b) Whether or not that faction will shoot you on site.

That’s it as far as I noticed. The best idea they had, that being that factions can love you, but also fear you just doesn’t do anything. As far as I could tell, at least.

I’d love to be wrong, because I was so excited to see what would happen to entire settlements and after I helped them. After I made important decisions that’d change the face of the colony. And I felt so disappointing when it became apparent little actually mattered.

The companion sidequests aren’t too much better. The pacing is so weird, sometimes, depending on how available certain planets are. Parvati’s was especially jarring, despite it being the best written by far.

It basically is you helping her get with an engineer chick from the Groundbreaker. It’s pretty adorable overall, and without a doubt has some of the better writing character wise, but the pacing was so fucking weird. It initially starts with you getting Parvati to talk to her about engineering stuff. They say they’ll email and stuff about engineering stuff. which is neat. So I run around, finish up all the side quests on the ship as I can, then head back to my own ship. I did not go back to my ship at all during this.

When I come back, Parvati immediately tells me that she and the engineer, Junlei, have been messaging and getting flirty and now she has a crush and it’s just like “Dude, were you texting her while we murdered all those bugs in the engine?”

It’s doubly funny as well, because Obsidian wanted to avoid the player having romanceable characters. Which makes about as much sense as you think. Once source said the reason was that they wanted you to focus on roleplay, and not trying to bang anyone you found hot (okay?). Another just said they weren’t ready for it. And I believe it. As much as I think romance would’ve been another good thing to add depth to this game, I bet you they’d have fucked it up. It’s just funny. Even Fallout 4 had pretty acceptable romances.

Granted the system was fucking basically “Kill shit together until you wanna bang” but fuck, it was something! It also doesn’t help there’s a bunch of cuties all over this game: Huxley stands out as an adorable muffin who becomes a generic NPC at the end of the MSI/Iconoclast questline, despite the fact you can even repair her journal terminal with zero indication at you can do it, which is good! Let me just do things to be nice! But she literally just sits there after you rescue her with a few dialogue options which goes away after the peace deal, and it's so fucking frustrating that I want to enjoy the characters more, but none of them seem to have more than a paragraph's worth of depth to them and it's so sad.

Even the companions are like this. At the beginning I’d try and talk with Parvati about anything, but the only dialogue options would be about getting her out of the party, and that’s it. I can’t ask her what she thinks of things, or of the current quest/situation. There’s such a weird lack of depth in a weird amount of areas, that it felt almost worse than playing a Bethesda game.

I think the penultimate disappointment of the game is, fittingly, the final level, Tartarus. Which is fitting, because it feels very hellish. Not the planet mind you, or the prison which it takes place in, but just the complete lack of anything super special. It’s just the same kind of environments you’ve already run through, but bigger and with more bullet sponge bad guys. Which is funny, because jumping around and killing an army on a purple hell planet that has perpetual lightning storms would’ve been sick as fuck, but nah, gotta run around on Scylla instead of anywhere else compelling.

In my playthrough, MSI, the Groundbreaker, and the Iconoclasts came to help me deal with all the fucking goons, which was mostly cool because I didn’t have to deal with the tediousness of killing every last one of corporate goon myself.

This is about as big of an impact your decisions come to as far as I’ve noticed. Which isn’t saying much.

You meet the Chairman of the Board here, by the way. I just shot him and kept moving. shrugs

There’s also a last minute villain in this Sophia person, who is also apparently on the Board? It’d help if there was a list of the Board people, which could’ve been on a terminal somewhere. Maybe I’m dumb and never found it, which is plausible.

The final boss fight, (I hesitate to call it that) is just somewhat large robot. It’s a bullet sponge with respawning combat drones flying everywhere and they’re very annoying. I died once after around 10 minutes of fighting, then using Parvati and Felix’s (he’s another companion, he’s also okay I guess) combat abilities I knocked it down and layed into the robot’s weak spot. He died very quickly.

So depending on how you do it, the final fucking boss is either stupidly hard or mind numbingly easy. I don’t know which is worse.

So you go past the dead robot, gun down Sophia in one shot, and save Phineas. You basically become the leader of Halcyon, there’s a F:NV-esque slideshow and commentary about your actions that somehow is worse that New Vegas’s, credits roll, and you sit there thinking “That’s it? That’s really it?”

Yeah, that’s it.

It’s such a let down, especially because this was supposed to be Fallout New Vegas’s spiritual successor. But all it does it make me want to play that game instead of this one.Which is probably what you should do regardless if you pick this game up or not.

There’s a bunch of other mechanics and stuff I never brought up. There’s technically a character customization screen, but you literally only see your character in the select menu, and there’s no third person. There’s a barber in Edgewater who’s also a doctor, and yet you can’t even get a haircut from him (again, failing to match up to even Fallout 3).

There’s these Mods you can put on armor and guns, and you find them by the bucket full so you’ll always have those. Just get an aim stabilizing one for an LMG and you’ll be fine. You can also tinker your armor and weapons, making them stronger if you spend credits on it (why not the armor and weapon parts, I’ll never fucking know). You can repair your stuff at a workbench, which is advisable. Just take all the weapons and armor you pick up, take it apart for parts, and never worry about it again. You’ll get money from quests, so buying those parts is meaningless and a waste of money

There’s also hacking and stealth and stuff. Stealth is such a non...thing in the game. There’s no silencers, but since all enemies decided to put cotton into their ears, there’ll be plenty of times I shoot someone, and a guy ten feet away heard fucking nothing. Plus there’s this disguise mechanic where you pick up ID guards and get a hologram disguise that wears out as you walk (passing speech check from suspicious guards restores it), so it’s not like sneaking around was ever a priority. Just put your points into the speech. Stealth is a dump stat more or less.

Oh yeah, Parvati’s an ace lesbian. Which is nice that they handled that way in a non-dipshit way (you can also identify as ace in certain dialogue with her in her companion questline, which is funny considering they never let you fuck anyways, so it’s weird that you even have the choice). My only complaint is that they should’ve put this representation in a better game.

What’s funny is that, despite everything, I don’t even hate this game. I feel a remarkable numbness, followed by a desire for something better. I spent about a week burning through it? If I had more free time, I could’ve finished it sooner probably. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. It was pretty fun for what it was, but knowing that this is somehow supposed to match up to what F:NV was is sad, and a sign of how bad the gaming industry had fallen.

The only difference here is that unlike the Outer Worlds, I can’t purge the rot of the gaming industry with a haelstrom of plasma bullets.

Would I recommend this game? I guess. There’s still some fun to be had, but don’t expect anything too major or interesting. Get it on sale, it;s not worth $60 right now. There’s apparently DLC coming out for it eventually? I might play it, and I might post an update to this review, or make a seperate post for that eventually. Depends on how well this one does? Or if the DLC makes me feel enough emotion to type something out like this in 2 straight hours.

#the outer worlds #fallout #obsidian #bethesda #skyrim #review #parvati holcomb #felix millstone #phineas welles #huxley #i might make a post about other miscellaenous grievances #but don't count on it

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