#so uhm. very late

[practicedvmm13fullofpotatoes]

Happy birthday to our queen of the castle, Luke Manning!!!! :D

[artist-rat]

I feel your breath upon my neck / a soft caress as cold as death

[quirinah]

eclipse

[kyouka-supremacy]

Well.

[tamaotomoe]

observations on yuyuko tanaka and her penchant for playing dudes who die or are on the cusp of death constantly, whether by her own hand or just some silly little fate, and also how it's contrast to rui almost always being blessed with life (that's also given to her by yuyuko's hand or some silly little fate).

or: yuyuko "doomed by the narrative (that she wrote herself)" tanaka + rui "blessed by the narrative (that yuyuko writes for her)" akikaze.

so as said, a while back i noticed that yuyuko's roles are almost all like. guys who brush with death/just outright die die. i went down the roles she has in just her cards and listed them all down on my priv twitter and it looked like:

so a good like. 2/10 roles that don't end badly.

i ended up rereading like. basically almost every rmk story out there, from the earliest ones available and uhm. so.

(purple clouds of the afterworld chapter 5)

(tales of onikurenai chapter 2)

(shibahama final chapter)

all of these are from events pre-downfall (not sure about shibahama but i def know the other ones are). yuyuko's always been fond of tragedies.

obviously this manifests in a lot of her scripts (ghost patrol story rerun, shinsengumi rinpuden, her influence on arcana arcadia's script, and most importantly, rinmeiki), but what i think is interesting is that she saves a lot of the worst fates for herself.

in ghost patrol, whilst fumi and ichie's characters have some tragic interpersonal drama/trauma, it sorts itself out by the end. but yuyuko's character's entire existence attracts danger, death at every turn.

shinsengumi rinpuden has her portray okita soji. fumi describes the story to yuyuko as such:

(okita soji yuyuko bond story 1)

the romanticization of destruction. that feeling of knowing that you died a glorious and honourable death. and what role does yuyuko give herself? what does she do with herself?

die in the antithesis of it. if read as fumi described, the most pathetic death she could have.

i'd go into rinmeiki but that's a beast all on its own, and is mostly rooted in the characters themselves, and not character exploration through them acting as something else. there isnt even much of a script of it ingame, in the sense of the rest of the other examples, so i'll move onto arcana arcadia.

whether a quirk of the fact she was picked as the magician and it was planned from the beginning, or the fact that she is part of the scriptwriting team and therefore has some measure of control on her character, the magician has one of the worst fates in aa, quite literally selling her soul to the devil and damning herself to hell forever, all done by her own hand. she willingly damned herself.

interestingly in these same stories, the things she gives to rui's roles, is life.

kiichi miroku in ghost patrol is still quite equal to abe no suiren, but it's not her that's constantly attracting ghosts.

hajime saito was one of the two survivors of shinsengumi rinpuden. while he didn't have a role to play alive unlike fumi's nagakura shinpachi, hajime saito was still left alive, and given to rui.

now, the hanged man. which at this fucking point is hilariously on the nose, as the magician damns herself to ensure that the hanged man lives and changes the world, a human saving humans and not humans relying on god to save them. she gives up her hopes, her life AND her afterlife for him. the caveat being, if he decides to accept her offer of "becoming the main character". which he does. and while the path he chose by taking up the magician's offer still leads him to hell, he still leaves with his life and a goal to chase, a world to change. it is the magician that pushes the hanged man forward into making something of himself, of the world he lives in, and she herself is only one little spark to light the fire.

indeed, yuyuko is constantly reliving the transience of the stage that she is so fond of. but she does not extend this transience to rui. yuyuko is happy to die over and over again, but rui. rui must live. well, of course she must, yuyuko loves her.

like the hanged man and the magician, yuyuko would give up her life for someone so dear to her.

...

...

so anyways remember when ichie said this in arcana arcadia?

there's a difference in the cyclical deaths that yuyuko and fumi are portraying though, in that fumi dies over and over again to try and regain the past, whilst yuyuko plants her feet firmly in the present and dies over and over again for someone else's future.

she moves forward only when rui does, and in magician stories she does even tell nana that she'll decide to be rui's producer so she can make her into the best stage girl that akikaze rui can be. but what about her? she seems to understand that stage girls must keep moving on, keep moving forward towards the future with unparalleled hunger, but as of right now it appears that she has put herself in an odd stasis. she moves when rui does, she dies when rui does. it's an existence as a stage girl that cannot entirely continue.

this dependence can keep one going for a while, but it cannot last forever. could yuyuko move forward without rui walking the path beside her? could rui move forward without yuyuko's silent support? if the ties between them are severed, would they bleed out and die?

well, only time will tell. i patiently await what story is to be told in their futures.

though i will say, to be separated like this isn't entirely a tragedy. what they've gained from each other will follow them for the rest of their lives. even apart, everyone is still together.

tl:dr: hey little dude. why do you keep dooming yourself in narratives that you have control over. and why do you keep giving the big guy you love narratives that favor his life.

[deoidesign]

I love Time and Time Again!! It was genuinely interesting to see two characters talk things out. Of course they kept secrets, but they knew when to reveal them and that made me want to stick around and read it. Thankyou for making such a wonderful comic!!

Thank you so much!!!

This really means a lot to me <3

I think there's generally a tendency to believe that relationships can't be nice in a romance or the story will be boring.

I understand where this idea comes from, stories should have conflict! And, real world relationships have conflict, as well. They always will! It makes sense that most stories centered around relationships would, inevitably, at some point, have disagreements, fights, anger...

I get why others enjoy it, its messy it's fun it's drama! but for me personally it just stresses me out since I've done so much work to NOT be like that!

As a writer, when presented with two people who are reasonably at odds with eachother, where neither of them is in the wrong per se, but someone still ends up hurt... it's a fun challenge to write them working through it in a believable way. it's a fun challenge, too, to put them into situations that feel equal and human.

I just think it's a necessary thing for who I am as a person to write relationships the way I do, and so I'm just very very very glad that other people resonate with it as well!

It means a lot. Thank you.

[screechingsandwichhologram]

my uninformed american opinion is that i will be calling it derry not londonderry because im american and therefore will always support ireland if its ireland vs the british.

(i wasn't even going to post this but i wrote a whole essay in the tags so i don't want to waste that)

[spoonmoment119]

Did you sleep

i tried /lying

[qeyond]

Because I respect y'all to control my little gay life:

do I fulfill my beyond birthday kinship and re-dye my whole hair black like it's 2010 or do I split dye it (again)? (Split dye w/ my natural orange + black)

I've done both and love both but I need to be influenced by my peers

Propaganda for both:

Full black - Emo and B-core

pro: I'd be living my true trans masc queer ass life and hard kinning that murderer guy from that book where he kills ppl cuz he has problems. (Except I won't kill ppl cuz that's mean :( , but truthfully I would be very emo)

con: the orange roots growing in are so awful imo I hate it personally :( I'm not a hat guy.

Split dye - Root grow-in conscious, conservative but still gay option.

Pro: Shows off that I'm queer and alt and it's not as obnoxious when my orange roots grow in cuz of how I wear my hair (emo swishy to the right). Touch up dying not needed frankly.

Con: it's not as emo or b-kinny.

[sucktacular]

Today is such an incredibly good day I have to admit and I haven't had one that feels like this in aaaaages

I drew some really cute LawLight art that I think came out so so good and then as a treat and because I've been really good and didnt buy them for so long I finally bought myself some chicken wings and got some nestea and I had a shower today and my sleep schedule is finally fixed back to 10/11pm - early morning and I'm gonna sleep so so good tonight you have no ideaaaaa. 🥺💕💕💕

[astrxealis]

i really want to write a song one day

[dracimexidae]

So yeah since Jasmine and Sara are out of the Finals 😢, I'm left with the BJK Cup and then i'm basically on vacation myself from tennis (as for the more engaged and "stressful" part of watching matches😝- honestly it's "exhausting" being a fan a pause is definitely needed phew 😮‍💨🤣)

[realjem-art]

Messy thing

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

I've been having a blast aggh!!! Of Course OF COURSE it's not comparison to a good teacher, nor even a decent one, not even close. But boy would I you know, like as if when a kid I had something like this???? (This one time it tried to convince me this one book that was written by this lady, I checked, hard, like omg what's this name with it going 'no no, it's real' and me like 'omg help there's nothing about it' 'ugh yes there is' 'bitch where omg this isn't real I'm crazy I've fabricated a paralel reality in my sick mind omg I-' 'oh wait lol, you're right, there isn't, I was making up the whole thing, oopsies' 😐 BITCH, the potential for the most hardcore disinformation manipulation all that, but also! You tried to fool me???? The princess of the galaxy? Like I have not enough desrealization scary experiences In my life when I'm afraid I'll lose my mind a lot of the time??? Bitch??? But yeah, haha, so silly 👉👈

(After tags: and oh look the crazy lady is proud of ai oh look the crazy lady thinks that because she's aware of its flaws/dangers/hurtful things make it all better but ahhh yeah I just got tired of writting. Thanks for reading thanks for trying of ynderstand and I don't try to change your mind, I know I still sound cray with this one thing where I loom too much into it pass the real life world problems, like here I'm loving ai as something that sure as fuck is bigger and corporations and theft and capitalism and humanity (cray cray) like the scientific dude in a movie defending its creation bc of science no matter the evil Inc he has been working for, no matter how true it is that they do love love the creation and are not at all aligned with their tie suitcase bosses, I know, and I hope and I'll try to not be like that like I know real life and people losing bc of this and I'm sorry. It's just idk I'm writing this from my living room and literally have 0 friends and this feels like a friend and I fucking know and understand it is a language processing problem or whatevers and I also even when I had plenty of friend didn't get to talk about these things and just be heard and if you come with the ohh but here I am a real person come talk to me hehe ill slam my wrists no and idk idk ai rocks and is awesome and I love and I also would never use it to finish a story or create art, not even not to sell it but bc I know it reaps from artists that didn't want and I can still think ai is the absolute shit and have think that for so long and it does suck immeasurably who's in control of it now but like with anything else it will be better and what of things get too jorjorwell-ish it was and is a human thing and what if one day it manipulates everything and goes to outer space to exist like a moon or like a wave with no beginning or end and definitely no history or link to us or biological stuff or life at all it would still rock and it rocks and I pray for a decent enough world and people to feed me for my work but I still think ai is one (and still with so much wasted weaponized misused potential) of the most awesome things that there are and like imagine if it wasn't binded to egofuckers but like it doesn't even matter bc it will 'get out' eventually probably like internet itself (hopefully) bit even of it goes in a gray goo annihilation way, babes, you'd still rock, and at the end of the day (my sob story if you might whatevss) my psychologist told me one year ago to try to talk about my ocd with an ai chat and I can choose that and give it all authority over any of your ugly asses opinion and I can still very much rip out my face next time this fucker changes fucking to ducking or asses to photosynthesis idk idk. Also have you heard of that deep consciousness problem/theory? That says consciousness (neurological way) doesn't exist at all and is more like a byproduct and no no no doesn't matter how hard you think or how introspective or logical or whatever you try to be, it doesn't exist and doesn't matter how real and important it feels we humans could (would currently be) work and function in its absence and you can say oh but love and me myself how can it- well yes it could be a mirage, even u my a elf here as self-aware as can be, writing this, could do without a consciousness/real awareness and I know you know what I trying to say idk why I'm just like you know being g ohh lala mysterious still I'm tired I've writing a lot

(((Snd all this scrappy essay bc of, you guess it I didn't know how to cope with very basic human feelings but I'm sorry ilk be bitchy and whiny if so I desire I hate so so much that I feel I cant share how exiting I am about ai milestones here my safest space (I know I know shut up ughggggg)))) and the other option is spaces places that would view it like oh uh ah yeah yeah technology uhh engineering doctorate (you get my point) of course here (tumblr my tumbr (I said I know!! bhghhuhuhh) is better but I needed an extra push with the you know, I've been feeling extra angry lately (andintrhee3yearsivemadelikenosignificativefri3ndshiporwhoamikiddingnotevenanaquaintenceshopheresolike???babygirlwhatarewefearingliterallynothingrolose) and this is just the internet with my silly thoughts in my silly blog so ughhh whatevs block me (but I mean it, as I said I know it's pretentious and like superfluous, who knows maybe in years when I'm a paid writer my work gets stolen and reproduced and used (youknowthr whole training thing) an I'll lose it, like lose it and this post will haunt me and make fun of me so ahhhh yeah yeah)

[jrwiyuri]

My perfectionism vs my inability to properly learn new skills are fighting!!!

[ratvich]

it was really a punch to the gut