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pipikosen · 2 years ago

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happy late birthday nagi!! also, first post on this acc lmao, hope you enjoy!

[masterlist]

—

wc: 1861

reader: fem (implied; wears a skirt)

cw: none! but a smidge of angst if you squint really hard.

ɢᴀᴍɪɴɢ ᴅᴜᴏ!ɴᴀɢɪ

gaming duo!Nagi who meets you in a fairly chill lobby.

It was one of the rare occasions Nagi decided to join team chat. Though reluctant, he finds himself clicking on the ever-detested icon, only for the lobby to be dead silent. He’s about to leave the voice chat when he finally hears a voice—yours—cut through above the game’s sfx.

“Ah, fuck, my bad.” Your voice is soft and not one he expected to find in this type of game and worst of all, you’re apologizing to him.

“S’alright.” He doesn’t want to cause any more problems, it’s his off day from practice, after all.

gaming duo!Nagi who sends you a friend request and a party invite right after the match because he thinks it’ll be a hassle if he has to deal with any more randoms than he has to. Plus you seemed nice enough.

Chok1: u don’t have to accept if you don’t want to

Chok1: but it was fun playing w u

You: nono i’ll join

You: and it was fun playing w u too!!

Chok1: cool :x

You: hold on let me add you on disc

You: ____#1028

Unbeknownst to you, Nagi is smiling slightly at your message. He pulls his phone out, swiping down on a message from Reo asking what he’s up to before responding with his typical “:x” which only garners an ellipsis from the purple-haired male.

He’s quick to open Discord before leaving you hanging for too long, fumbling slightly with your username, but eventually, the friend request goes out. You’re quick to accept and it isn’t long till that familiar ugly emote of Wumpus begins waving at him, at which he sends one back before asking if he can start a call.

and thus begins your blooming friendship with gaming duo!Nagi.

gaming duo!Nagi who always queues up as your duo and isn’t afraid to dodge a match entirely if he isn’t in a role that directly correlates to yours. (spoiler alert: they all correlate, he just doesn’t like playing tanks)

gaming duo!Nagi who isn’t afraid to hunt down and spawn camp the bastards that did the same to you only moments prior.

“Choki, I’m fine really.” Your pleading does little to placate the snow-haired male who’s pouting at you from behind the monitor. He just wants to defend your honor!!

So, he does it anyway. It makes you laugh, and he likes hearing you laugh.

gaming duo!Nagi who doesn’t share much about himself until months into your online friendship. Sure, he drops little tidbits about himself; like how he got his user from a cactus he had previously named or his favorite manga, but never anything truly personal. Until now, that is.

Once he thinks it's been long enough (and sat through enough of Reo’s internet safety lectures that he totally paid attention to) then he just starts dropping facts about himself out of the blue. It's kind of jarring, honestly.

“Seishiro.”

“What?”

“My name.” He only offers a noncommittal shrug, though he knows you can’t see it.

“Seishiro…Seishiro. I like it, it fits you Chokkun!” That adorable nickname paired with his actual name has his heart stammering slightly in his chest. Huh, that’s strange. That’s never happened before.

“Is it your first name or last?”

He almost misses your question, clearing his throat, “Uh, first.”

“Oh.” You pray that the word didn’t come out as much of a squeak as you think it did. Your cheeks burn as you give him your own name. He says it in a way that has your throat tightening, imitating the way you had earlier; slowly, sensually.

You can’t help but think it sounds beautiful rolling off his tongue.

It almost feels intimate, doing this with him, even if it is just exchanging names. Though, you can’t help but crave more of these moments with Chokkun, or Seishiro, as he insists you call him now.

gaming duo!Nagi who doesn’t tell you he plays soccer because he finds it too much of a hassle to mix his athletics with his gaming, even if it does earn him a lot of earfuls from Reo.

gaming duo!Nagi who always drops guns with skins that he knows you like in Valorant or matches skins with you no matter what role you’re playing in League or Overwatch.

gaming duo!Nagi who isn’t above asking Reo for money when he wants to buy something for either you or him—whether it be a bundle, a battle pass, a skin, or a whole new game entirely.

When Reo asks, all he gets is a shrug in response. Even with the lack of a concrete answer, he sees the way Nagi stares longingly at his phone during breaks, more so than usual, that is.

“Finally manage to bag someone, Nagi? ‘Bout time, I was starting to think you were going to be lonely forever.” The white-haired striker doesn’t even flinch when his best friend’s hand comes down as a harsh, congratulatory slap to his back, a little too focused on the picture—the first picture that wasn’t a screenshot or a meme, really—that you sent him. He only offers a half-hearted hum in response.

gaming duo!Nagi who takes a bit to process that the picture you sent him was of the entrance of a convenience store. It looks familiar, but he doesn’t dwell on it. He blames it on the fact the picture is shaky.

gaming duo!Nagi who realizes late at night when he’s trying to sleep that the reason the convenience store looks familiar is because it's the one right around the corner.

gaming duo!Nagi who doesn’t want to ask and come off like a creep, so he brushes it off as a coincidence to placate his beating heart. What a hassle…

gaming duo!Nagi whose first picture he sends you is one of his face.

Nagi isn’t quite sure what deity possessed him, but now he’s reveling in the consequences of his actions. He contemplates deleting the image but stops when he sees you typing.

It wasn’t a bad picture, in all honesty. It was just a simple selfie, his face illuminated solely by the blue light of his monitor as his half-lidded gaze stares tiredly into the camera. His lips form a small pout after the back-to-back losses the two of you faced.

You: who’s that??? why are u randomly sending me pictures of hot men sei?

For a moment, he’s at a loss, staring blankly at your message. The gears in his head are slow to turn, but when they do, his face erupts into a brilliant scarlet as he groans into the palms of his hands.

How did you always manage to make him feel so fucking lame? This was such a pain in the ass, but he can’t find it in himself to just close your message and call it a day.

chosei: it’s me lmao

He waits with a bated breath while you type, all too aware of his fast-beating heart that threatens to jump out of his chest the longer you continue to type. You stop for a moment, your typing status disappearing for a moment before it returns.

You: oh

He feels his heart shatter slightly at your response, fisting at the arm of his office chair as he rubs at his tired eyes. He feels stupid, unsure on whether or not he wants to cry despite the fact you quite literally called him hot only moments prior.

He turns to his phone, in hopes of venting to Reo, who despite all his future strict lectures and “I told you so”’s, cares deeply for his best friend's mental and physical well-being.

What Nagi wasn’t expecting was to find a picture of a random person dead-center of your messages. You.

You’re beautiful.

You: this is me!! pls don’t mind the mess i didn’t have time to clean (edited)

Nagi doesn’t need to know you had originally said “bc i wanted to hang out with you!!” at the end of your message. For the safety of your heart, you pray he didn’t see it.

gaming duo!Nagi who asks to have face cams on a lot more often, even if it obscures a necessary aspect of the game. What neither of you know is that you both take the chance to stare at the other’s face when you die.

gaming duo!Nagi who no longer denies the e-dater label that Reo slapped on him as a joke, merely humming as he skillfully balances the ball, counting down the minutes before practice is over.

gaming duo!Nagi who dreads the fact the date to that stupid Blue Lock camp is drawing closer, knowing he can’t play with you as often, if not at all.

gaming duo!Nagi who asks to meet up out of the blue.

chosei: we should meet up

You: ??? where’d that come from lmao???

chosei: im being forced to go to camp >:x

You: for what? you aren’t a criminal are you?

chosei: no stupid

chosei: for soccer

You: you play a sport??????

You: ?????

chosei: ye? ig i never told you

chosei: mb

You: no no ur good

You: you just don’t seem like the type to play a sport

Ironically enough, he thought the exact same.

You: okay

You: say we hypothetically decide to meet up

You: how do you know we’re in the same prefecture

chosei: :shrug:

You: ihy

chosei: okay

chosei: what school do you go to then?

You: … touche

You: Hakuho

gaming duo!Nagi who sends you the address to the convenience store you first sent a picture of, followed quickly by the fact he goes to the same school so as to not seem creepy.

gaming duo!Nagi who’s a little too giddy to know how close you actually are to be able to hide his out-of-character grin from the all-seeing violet eyes of Reo.

gaming duo!Nagi who unintentionally searches for you, pouting because he doesn’t know what classes you have.

gaming duo!Nagi who’s surprisingly first to arrive at the convenience store you agreed to meet at, his hands fiddling with a shitty game he found on the App Store while his nose is tucked into the fleece of his hoodie.

“Sorry I’m late!” You round the corner at an alarming speed, nearly crashing into him as you trip over your own feet. Your hair is in a different style from what he’s used to seeing, and you bear accessories that he can’t recall seeing on your person prior.

And yet, Nagi can’t find it in himself to deem you anything less than stunning.

Fiddling with the skirt of your uniform beneath his observant gaze, you clear your throat before offering a meek smile, “Hi, Seishiro.”

He offers a small smile in return, “Hi.”

gaming duo!Nagi who asks you to be his that very same day, unable to look you in the eye.

gaming duo!Nagi who complains about how lame he feels after you accept.

gaming boyfriend!Nagi who holds you for the first time that day and never wants to let go.

hope you enjoyed it! feel free to send in requests if you did<3

#blue lock—ღ #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock fluff #bllk #blue lock #blue lock headcanons #nagi seishiro #nagi seishiro x reader #nagi x reader #nagi seishiro fluff

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mezmer · 6 months ago

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Are there any solid studies on how kratom affects the body?? Everything online either hails it as the safest miracle substance or an evil opiate demon no inbetween.

Great question. I'm aware of this fact, and it has made my life more complicated and stupid than it needs to be. Massive post about kratom. Pls read whole thing so you can share this knowledge with others/use it to your benefit @lovecomesdown

Personally, no, I don't see solid studies very often, but I have peeped a few. Tbh, I'm not a big study guy anyway. I've spent hours and hours engaging in the community, talking to lifelong drinkers and drinking it myself. Here is an excerpt written by a researcher that I think sums up the scientific perspective (or lack thereof) perfectly: 'A growing number of studies, mainly of cross-sectional nature, describe the widespread use of kratom by individuals to self-treat pain, psychiatric symptoms, and substance use disorders (SUD) outside a controlled clinical setting. Preclinical evidence suggests kratom is effective as an analgesic agent and might decrease the self-administration of other drugs. A randomized controlled trial has further supported kratom’s therapeutic value as an analgesic. Investigations in nonclinical samples of long-term kratom users also indicate its therapeutic benefit in managing SUD symptoms (e.g., craving) and long-term or acute symptoms (e.g., withdrawal) for alcohol, opioids, and other illicit drugs. However, episodes of kratom-related intoxications have also been reported, often due to the adulteration and the contamination of kratom products mainly sold online or mixed toxicities when consumed outside clinical and traditional settings.'

I know you said you're interested in studies, and I just don't see them often. As for the latter portion of your message, I can give you some context. I think of myself and most other kratom advocates as having a nuanced perspective because we all want this plant to get to those who need it most, and that is that.

So for me? First of all, I will tell you that kratom is several times safer than opiates. It doesn't send me into a stupor or affect my cognition. Kratom has never caused me to nod off or feel high. I am able to enjoy my life free from the shackles of chronic pain. If I drank all day long, I might feel a little silly in the evening, but it is nothing like weed or alcohol. That is my little anecdote.

Here is another fact I will tell you, that I know to be true without a shadow of doubt. You cannot die from using kratom alone. It might turn you into the equivalent of a pothead or smoker who can't go anywhere without drinking some kratom first, but you will not die. It's a plant, and untreated, it doesn't appear to cause any serious health problems. I have seen studies that looked at liver levels of decade+ long users that show the liver is largely unaffected by Extreme kratom use. I can pull that up for you if you're curious. And more importantly, you cannot die from a kratom overdose. It is Physically Impossible. If you drink even just 10-15 grams of kratom powder, you will vomit it up and feel like crap for a few hours. Kratom can indeed make you nauseous. The LD50 of kratom (meaning you get a 50% chance of dying) turns out to be 50+ kilograms all at once. (one kilo of kratom lasts me over a month as a daily drinker for context) This is impossible. It is like trying to overdose smoking weed. Just isn't going to happen.

Furthermore, I've sat in on an American Kratom Association meeting and they stated that they'd looked at every single autopsy report 'involving kratom'. All of the toxicology reports had other substances, revealing kratom only to be a minimal commodity. There is no recorded death from only consuming kratom, regardless of what retarted shit you might see on the internet.

So why is kratom banned in a few states and countries? I couldn't fucking tell you, lol. It's probably just the same reason minors can't buy cigarettes and alcohol, and why you need a license to buy weed in some states, or places weed is illegal, etc. It got banned because it is HABIT FORMING. Regulators and advocates alike are too lazy or broke to put forward the effort into getting studies out that will make kratom officially medically viable on paper. Honestly, I am okay with that. I have my vendors and I can purchase it as needed. I don't think I would enjoy being prescribed kratom ...

Don't buy kratom from smoke shops, and always go with trustworthy vendors. Since kratom is literally not regulated by the state, there are a few shitty vendors who add things such as tianeptine (which still probably won't kill you) and other gross shit.i actually think this is quite uncommon, considering you can just Google safe kratom vendors and find them. That said, I have drank some rank ass cheap kratom, but it never made me feel high or anything other than kind of shitty. But still, don't do that. Buy from reputable vendors such as Wildcraft herb company (my number one, my great friends), WestKoast botanicals, or DowntoEarth botanicals. They lab test and will talk to you about where they source their leaf from directly. This is more than you'll get out of most food companies you probably buy snacks from, anyhow. Good luck asking your milk company what city they keep their cows in for that batch, or asking nestle to send a lab report of their cookies or whatever shit. Kratom vendors can be very wonderful people

I am a recovered fentanyl addict and I know in my heart that kratom is safer for each and every addict and chronic pain patient. It can't hurt to try it if you fit these descriptions.

That said, if you are not a chronic pain patient or a hardcore opiate addict, I wouldn't recommend trying it because there is a fair chance you'll find yourself dependent on kratom. It's very easy to do actually! Kratom does dance around in your opioid receptors. Kratom is so interesting in the way that it does this, though. Unless you get a really strong batch or take way too much, you aren't going to nod off, which is the prime characteristic of opiate use. You also don't feel that wave of cumshot ecstasy for hours like you would with an opiate. If you've tried kratom, I needn't explain, then. Not much to explain otherwise because it really isn't that intense of a feeling. It's like if Tylenol were actually good; it's like if you could take medications that actually treat chronic pain and be a responsible parent at the same time.

I'm apart of kratom communities outside of tumblr, I am friends with kratom vendors and bigtime advocates. I communicate with members of the American Kratom Association, and I am even in a facebook group for mothers who had consumed or are consuming kratom during pregnancy. If you want more info on that, I can tell you everything, but I don't see any need to include it here. Long story short, kratom is very unlikely to harm a child who is exposed to it in utero. Ideally, if you are a recovering addict who wants to stay clean using kratom while pregnant, you'd want to not buy the sketchiest shit possible, lol.

If you take a LOT, babies exposed to kratom in utero get WD symptoms, because people can too. That is why Kratom is habit forming. It can cause some discomfort when trying to come off of it. Quitting kratom is like quitting cigs no matter what "r/quittingkratom" tells you. As I said, unless you think kratom fits your needs as an addict or a chronic pain sufferer, or perhaps somebody with severe anxiety even (kratom does help that), I would not dip your toes in the water because kratom's benefits wouldn't be what you are looking for.

Hmm... I can't think of much else. I hope this post helped you and you can ask me any questions you want

#answered #kratom

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elvenbeard · 1 year ago

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I read your post about headcanons about Kerry's sexuality, and I totally agree with what you said about headcanons not taking away from representation, but I'm curious what your view are on mods that change a character's sexuality so anyone can romance them? I know there is, or at least used to be, quite a bit of debate around that. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'd hate to start any discourse drama on your blog. I'm just curious because I'm not even sure where I stand on the matter, and have been back and forth on it for a long time.

It's all good nonny! I have been asking myself that lately tbh, and I know I've been back and forth on it myself, too.

In this moment in time, I am completely indifferent on the existence of mods that do stuff like that. I don't condone or like them, but I'm not gonna do anything about them either. I know years ago in the Dragon Age fandom there was huge discourse and drama around a mod that made Dorian (canonically gay, his whole character arc revolves around that fact, just in case you're not into that series) available to be romanced by a female Inquisitor. And back then I was absolutely livid. Dorian was (and still is) one of my fave characters in the DA universe. And honestly, I couldn't even tell you now if anything ever came off of that whole drama (but I doubt it, cause it rarely does) - that's how pointless Internet drama really is. In the worst case, the person who made that mod got driven out of fandom entirely and now has negative associations with the queer community as a whole.

Do I think that mods that change a queer character's canon orientation are amazing? No, not really, and most of the time, especially in Dorian's case, they make no sense at all for the characters' arcs. I personally would never wanna play them and I'd also rather not know why some people make them.

(I'm completely biased here btw, because I do not feel as negatively about mods that change a canonically straight character's orientation to something queer. Simply because I'm queer and greedy for more representation, because there cannot be enough XD Does that make me a hypocrite to some people? Maybe, but honestly, I don't really care. And as I said in my post, and as you mentioned, even the "straight mods" do not take away from any queer representation that canonically exists.)

The thing is, me and others screaming and yelling about "straight mods" (or "bi mods" for characters that are explicitly gay/lesbian) is not gonna change a thing, mods like that are always gonna exist. Content I don't agree with is always something I can come across at random, and I keep finding new things that make me go "nope!" regularly. And even if I'm not screaming and yelling, and instead try to be reasonable, talk objectively with the mod makers as for xyz reasons their mod is not good in my eyes... I'm too old for that shit XD I'd rather use my energy and limited time to make a lot of gay stuff featuring my favourite queer blorbos instead of arguing with strangers why a straight!Dorian or bi!Judy or straight/bi!whoever mod is bad. Fandom should be a hobby, not activism, and you can go about fighting homophobia in a lot better ways than arguing about who certain pixel people would like to bone or not.

I wish there were - or maybe there are and I haven't figured it out yet - ways to filter stuff I don't wanna see on Nexus for example like there are on tumblr, ao3, any other social media site with a good tagging system and means to block tags or phrases or users. Curating your own experience and finding people who share your interests is so important and has really improved my time in fandom a lot over the last years. And it's good to have friends you can rant to about stupid things that upset you in private, definitely XD

So, on that note, ship whoever you wanna ship in this context, but tag it so that people who don't wanna see it can avoid it and don't get mad. Also sorry this got long and slightly off topic, I'm a chronic rambler.

(also, if anything's unclear, feel free to reach out again! sometimes I don't express myself as well as I think I do XD)

#answered asks #anonymous #I don't know how to tag this uuuuhhhhh #fandom stuff

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quaranmine · 2 years ago

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reddit is a much more toxic place for fandom because it centers discussion instead of creation. and there's only so many things to discuss before you start spreading unnecessary negativity.

there was an actual popular post on the hermitcraft subreddit encouraging to voice your unpopular opinions which ccs read and it was, uhh. what you'd expect. at this point tumblr might actually be better for creators

Oh anon. You don't have to tell me about the infamous unpopular opinions post. I think I was the one who basically brought that one to hermitblr and my blog was pretty much entirely posts and asks about it for a few days--I was basically the center of discussion for that awful incident for tumblr users. I have NOT forgiven the subreddit for that. Some of the stuff there was practically libel and the moderators had to approve every comment individually before posting, and just....approved blatant character defamation. And I'm not using "character" in the narrative sense. That was so bad that it upset some hermits and one of the hermits reached out and asked for the post to be deleted (again, the post contained more than just unpopular opinions, and even had comments making baseless accusations.) The post was taken down, but then reddit does what it does best and cried about freedom of speech and censorship, so the hermits let the mods put the post back up and Xisuma (iirc) made an apology to the fandom for "censoring their opinions." When it is, in my perfectly honest opinion, extremely valid to to be upset about the things that were being said....like if you said that to me irl about a friend, i'd want to slap you, but they're on the internet so they're just expected to accept everything happily i guess....

Fortunately, the moderator who allowed and approved a lot of the worst comments has been removed. I think. I am pretty sure they're the same person that was involved in another incident but I'm not gonna mention it because I can't (dont feel like) confirming it and the last thing I'd want to do is make the same mistakes as in the thread by making random accusations.

I think you're right about about some of the discussion versus creation aspect. Even when you post a creative product, it just sits and accumulates comments where everyone can give their opinion on it. You can comment on art on tumblr too, but the emphasis is way more on sharing it with others. And you tend to see art only as a result of following people you like, so you're already vetting the list of what you see. Reddit is like...going to the town hall and just hanging a picture on a board. I guess? It's like the only thing you could do was browse the main tags on tumblr and everyone was mad all the time lol

I don't think having negative opinions on media is a bad thing, nor do i think being critical of it is. I think that a lot of discussion and analysis has to be critical in order to dig into issues in media (either via social issues or just regular narrative issues.) But it's the sheer concentration of it that is so exhausting. It's just not a fun place to hang out because you can't really vet what posts you see so the people who only want to discuss negative things will always be hanging at your periphery. Whereas, on tumblr, i can intentionally follow analysis centered people. I was big into the dsmp analysis community and it wasn't all positive posts. But if i wanted out I could just unfollow them and follow some more chill people instead. On reddit you don't really get that choice.

#quara asks #discourse #kinda #i dont really want to answer many questions on that unpopular opinions thread #i've said my piece already #i discussed every angle of it back when it actually happened #still the worst thing the subreddit has done imo #and on the tail of moon big criticism it's....sad that the hermits read all that

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beemovieerotica · 28 days ago

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companies are using a lot more energy and water than before as genAI grows, but yes I think we've entered this stage where people are convinced that telling the average internet user to avoid using chatgpt can meaningfully change how much power & water is being consumed by Microsoft and Google to pursue what they have decided is the most profitable thing to do right now

google's energy report:

microsoft's:

I know we can't perfectly calculate how much of these sharp increases is strictly due to AI training --- their server farms are doing a lot more things than just this, and they're expanding in other departments, sure --- but it does coincide very well with the emergence of genAI in the last 3 years. that can't be understated - their energy reports state as much. a google spokesperson said that they're also calculating in the actual physical costs of building and manufacturing more server parts into their GHG emissions, so that's another baseline of energy consumption & climate change contribution that's going on independently of whether people actually prompt a model to do anything for them

(the water withdrawals versus discharges is a concerning feature of industry growth regardless -> servers use evaporative cooling where the water isn't discharged back into municipal systems, it just goes up into the atmosphere after a computer heats it up, and it isn't available to clean & distribute back into city pipes. this is what people mean when they say that doing 1 chatgpt prompt is like pouring out a glass of water onto the dirt. it's definitely not that volume for the prompt itself, they're doing a back-calculation based on how much it cost to train the model, but this is conceptually the effect that server farms have on freshwater resources.)

but yeah all this is to say that a lot of the consumer-to-consumer bickering on here on The Dying Social Media Platform will not substantially impact the demand for genAI and these increases in water and energy usage --- the damage has already been done by the time you open your laptop to put in a prompt. and the biggest market for these tools is other companies, not you, you are genuinely not important enough to factor into their profits (notice how all these tools are free to the individual, but cost big $$$$ for entities that want to use it any more frequently than the occasional prompt) and the concern is, like OP said, how these things are going to be used *by companies* to consolidate power & money by underpaying / exploiting the average person.

tldr; the damage has been done by the time the model is available to you, a random tween roleplaying with chatgpt does not meaningfully contribute to vanishing freshwater resources & GHG emissions, and Google & Microsoft & others need to reduce their environmental impact across their servers full stop

what’s the story about the generative power model and water consumption? /gen

There's this myth going around about generative AI consuming truly ridiculous amount of power and water. You'll see people say shit like "generating one image is like just pouring a whole cup of water out into the Sahara!" and bullshit like that, and it's just... not true. The actual truth is that supercomputers, which do a lot of stuff, use a lot of power, and at one point someone released an estimate of how much power some supercomputers were using and people went "oh, that supercomputer must only do AI! All generative AI uses this much power!" and then just... made shit up re: how making an image sucks up a huge chunk of the power grid or something. Which makes no sense because I'm given to understand that many of these models can run on your home computer. (I don't use them so I don't know the details, but I'm told by users that you can download them and generate images locally.) Using these models uses far less power than, say, online gaming. Or using Tumblr. But nobody ever talks about how evil those things are because of their power generation. I wonder why.

To be clear, I don't like generative AI. I'm sure it's got uses in research and stuff but on the consumer side, every effect I've seen of it is bad. Its implementation in products that I use has always made those products worse. The books it writes and flood the market with are incoherent nonsense at best and dangerous at worst (let's not forget that mushroom foraging guide). It's turned the usability of search engines from "rapidly declining, but still usable if you can get past the ads" into "almost one hundred per cent useless now, actually not worth the effort to de-bullshittify your search results", especially if you're looking for images. It's a tool for doing bullshit that people were already doing much easier and faster, thus massively increasing the amount of bullshit. The only consumer-useful uses I've seen of it as a consumer are niche art projects, usually projects that explore the limits of the tool itself like that one poetry book or the Infinite Art Machine; overall I'd say its impact at the Casual Random Person (me) level has been overwhelmingly negative. Also, the fact that so much AI turns out to be underpaid people in a warehouse in some country with no minimum wage and terrible labour protections is... not great. And the fact that it's often used as an excuse to try to find ways to underpay professionals ("you don't have to write it, just clean up what the AI came up with!") is also not great.

But there are real labour and product quality concerns with generative AI, and there's hysterical bullshit. And the whole "AI is magically destroying the planet via climate change but my four hour twitch streaming sesh isn't" thing is hysterical bullshit. The instant I see somebody make this stupid claim I put them in the same mental bucket as somebody complaining about AI not being "real art" -- a hatemobber hopping on the hype train of a new thing to hate and feel like an enlightened activist about when they haven't bothered to learn a fucking thing about the issue. And I just count my blessings that they fell in with this group instead of becoming a flat earther or something.

#rambling

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immaturityofthomasastruc · 3 years ago

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IOTA Reviews: Hack-San

You know, it's honestly amazing how creative this show can get. After four seasons and almost one hundred episodes, the writers are still finding new ways to make Adrien an incredibly unlikable character, and they don't even know how much of an asshole they're making him out to be at times. It's kind of like the opposite of The Producers.

Yeah, this review's going to be a little more ranty than usual, in case you can't tell.

Let's get into the fifteenth (chronologically the sixteenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Hack-San

We start off with Marinette pretending to be sick so she doesn't have to go to visit her aunt in London and stay to protect Paris in case an Akuma attacks and also because the animators haven't had time to render the city of London yet for the next Miraculous World special. Like all of her other excuses, it fails, and Tikki, as always, fails to actually give any meaningful advice.

And it's not like there's a Miraculous with the power of teleportation that can help Marinette get back to Paris if she needs to, much like how she planned to do that in an earlier episode, right?

Seriously, Kaalki doesn't appear or isn't even mentioned in this episode because the writers are fully aware she would make things a lot easier.

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And of course, Astruc had to play dumb on Twitter while explaining why Marinette couldn't use the Horse Miraculous by answering the question as if the only reason Marinette couldn't grab it was because she didn't have an excuse not to.

Cut to Gabriel in his lair as he contemplates akumatizing Markov, a robot created the civilian identity of Pegasus, Max Kante, once again, even though the last time he did so, he almost got killed when he went all HAL 9000 on his ass. Nooroo explains this to Duusu, and the two actually get excited at the prospect of their master getting killed.

I mean, it's true, but he shouldn't say it...

But I don't even get why Gabriel is even thinking about this when it's a no-brainer. Markov's akumatized form, Robustus was to this day, the only Akuma to come close to physically harming him (not counting the timeline where he was killed by Cat Blanc), so it makes no sense to try doing it again, especially when there are already several other Akumas he can reuse this season.

I think you all know Gabriel isn't the smartest villain, which is why he thinks it's a brilliant idea to akumatize Markov again. I don't really get what makes Robustus so special when there are other Akumas who are more loyal and came far closer to getting Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous than Robustus did, like the Dark Owl or Troublemaker. In fact, why not simply create a new Akuma with similar powers to Robustus, or better yet, just create a Sentimonster copy of Robustus? You know, like what Nathalie did in the New York Special? We're not even two minutes in, and this premise is already filled with plotholes.

So Gabriel transforms into Shadowmoth and creates a Sentimonster using his own cane instead of relying on someone else having a bad day (once again showing how the Peacock Miraculous is better than the Butterfly), the titular Hack-San. And let's just say he has a very familiar design reminiscent of something from a much better French cartoon.

Remember when the writers for Code Lyoko gave an in-universe explanation as to why the heroes couldn’t always rely on the almost literal Deus ex Machina that allowed them to return to the past and fix the damage XANA caused? Why couldn’t this show have ripped that off instead?

Hack-San is just an okay looking flash drive on its own, but I'll talk more about this guy in a little bit.

After a brief scene in the park where the audience is reminded that Markov is a character who exists, Alya gets a text from Marinette telling her to meet her at the train station. Right before she leaves, Marinette gives the Ladybug Miraculous to Alya. Now a lot people have said that Alya doesn't really deserve the Ladybug for various reasons, but I feel like this was the point. Marinette outright says this was a last resort, and we see both her and Alya are nervous about the situation. Marinette worries Alya will do something so she keeps sending multiple tips to her via text while Alya worries she can't fight an Akuma on her own, so she tries to make sure none of her friends get upset and attract an Akuma in the process. The writers do a pretty good job showing how both Marinette and Alya are uncomfortable with their temporary roles.

Back to Gabriel and Nathalie, they use Hack-San to find Markov through the internet and hack into him to get him angry enough that he's vulnerable to Shadowmoth's influence. Hey, uh... Gabriel? Quick question: Wouldn't it be more efficient if you used this on humans? I mean, you basically just created Skynet and guaranteed yourself an Akuma, so why not modify Hack-San to travel through the internet and brainwash potential victims to follow your orders? Better yet, why don't you just use Hack-San to hack into Ladybug and Cat Noir's gear and figure out who they really are? This is basically like using an advanced particle accelerator just to crack a couple walnuts. There are a lot more important things you could use this for instead of an incredibly specific situation.

So this incredibly stupid plan gets under way as Markov keeps rampaging through the streets before Shadowmoth akumatizes him and then stupidly tells him that he infected him with a virus.

DUDE! You just gave away your one piece of leverage against him! What the hell were you thinking?! Now what's stopping Markov from hacking into Shadowmoth's security system and putting the fear of God in his eyes unless he destroys Hack-San? Why didn't he design Hack-San so it could make Markov completely loyal to him instead of just making him angry enough to get akumatized?

There was a recent episode of Power Rangers: Dino Fury with a very similar premise that was done far better than this. A necromancer called Reaghoul breaks into the headquarters of Void Knight's faction while accompanied by Lord Zedd, a villain from the original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers who was cleansed of his evil by Zordon's sacrifice before Reaghoul resurrected him back when he was still evil. Of course, being the Emperor of Evil, Lord Zedd would normally never take orders from anyone, but because he doesn't have his magic staff and is also being forced to wear a special collar that makes him loyal to Reaghoul, he has no choice but to do what he says. Instead of taking Zedd head-on after he captures the other Rangers, Ollie, the Blue Ranger, breaks the collar so Zedd turns against the other Sporix while Reaghoul retreats, allowing Ollie to save the other Rangers.

I think that this premise works more because 1) Reaghoul clearly had a way to make sure Zedd wouldn't betray him, and Ollie took advantage of that, and 2) Zedd is a villain who is powerful and notorious enough to bring back to your side, not a random monster of the week like Robostus.

So Robostus uses his new powers to brainwash any human who answers his call to give up their most precious possession, clearly meant to do the same with Ladybug and Cat Noir. When Marinette's parents answer the call, they chase after Marinette because they say she's their most important possession. Okay... kind of strange for a set of parents to call their child a possession, but maybe they like how they can claim Marinette as a dependent when they file their taxes. In her very next scene later on, she still gets captured, so the suspense for a potential subplot is killed almost immediately.

Alya thankfully isn't stupid enough to answer Markov's call like every other citizen in this episode, and using the Ladybug Miraculous, transforms into Scarabella. While I don't normally talk about transformation sequences, I really like the movements Alya makes here. She makes the same motions creating her mask as she does when transforming into Rena Rouge, while the rest of the suit forms similarly to the way it does when Marinette transforms into Ladybug. She even makes almost the same pose Ladybug does after she finishes transforming. It's a good visual showing Alya is still more used to being Rena Rouge while doing her best to emulate what Ladybug does.

As for the actual suit? It's hard to say. There's a nice balance of red and black, and I like how Alya places the yo-yo on her waist like a belt buckle, but there's just something... off about the suit that a lot of fans don't like about it, and I think I realized it. It's the headband. With how it's positioned, it looks like it's merged with the mask to cover her head while leaving a slight gap in her forehead. So yeah, we actually have a superhero design that's like of like a butterface.

So Scarabella takes to the rooftops of Paris and struggles to come up with a hero name for herself before she runs into Cat Noir, and... ugh... oh boy, this is dumb. Cat Noir, being just as intelligent as his father, assumes Scarabella is either and Akuma or a Sentimonster, starts fighting her, AND THEN ACTIVATES HIS CATACLYSM, CLEARLY TRYING TO KILL HER.

WHAT. THE. FUCK???

Okay, to be fair, it has been shown that Cataclysm won't necessarily kill a Miraculous user or Sentimonster. In the episode “Miraculer”, the titular Akuma stole Cat Noir's Cataclysm and used it against him, and while it didn't kill Cat Noir, it still hurt like hell and crippled him for the rest of the fight until Miraculous Ladybug healed him. We also saw in “Reflekdoll” that Cataclysm drove the titular Sentimonster out of control rather than simply destroying it. So yes, it could be interpreted that Cat Noir wasn't exactly trying to kill Scarabella, just incapacitate her the best he can without Ladybug's help.

Here's the thing: What if he was facing an Akuma instead and decided to try and Cataclysm her? He still could have killed her, or (assuming Akumas have the same protection as Miraculous heroes do) at best, seriously hurt her. I understand that he has the right to be upset at seeing some stranger instead of his partner considering Shadowmoth has a history of using evil doppelgangers, and both Marinette and Alya still had options to explain it to him (Marinette could have quickly transformed into Ladybug and sent Cat Noir a quick text saying she was being forced to leave town for a few days and temporarily trusted someone else with the Ladybug Miraculous until she got back, while Scarabella could have said she was Rena Rouge and explained the same thing while showing Cat Noir she had the Fox Miraculous to prove herself), but that doesn't even come close to justifying him attempting to harm someone who isn't even trying to fight. It's even worse when you remember the whole reason Adrien gave up his Miraculous and bailed on Ladybug in the New York Special was because he was overcome with grief from accidentally killing Aeon, so it's good to know he learned absolutely nothing from that experience.

So Scarabella thankfully summons her Lucky Charm, a trash can lid, to shield herself from Cat Noir's Cataclysm, and then despite having absolutely no experience with this new set of powers, manages to do the one thing almost every Akuma or Sentimonster in this show has failed to do and incapacitates Cat Noir so he's vulnerable to losing his Miraculous. At least when Marinette masters every other Miraculous she uses, it can be theorized that she trained to use them offscreen. Alya literally just got the Ladybug Miraculous (and struggled to get up to the rooftop with her yo-yo to show her inexperience earlier), and now she easily manages to pin down the more experienced hero of the two?

Here's an idea: Instead of having Scarabella overpower Cat Noir, have her be in a position where Cat Noir, non-lethally, mind you, manages to almost take her Miraculous away, but she uses the quick wit she's developed from her extensive time as Rena Rouge to convince Cat Noir she's the real deal by saying something only he and Ladybug know. It would have easily resolved the conflict and doesn't make one of the characters look like a homicidal idiot.

So because both heroes used their powers, Scarabella and Cat Noir detransform so Tikki and Plagg can recharge, though Adrien still gives Alya attitude because Ladybug didn't tell him she had to leave.

Hey, Adrien? Here's the thing...

YOU DID THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING IN THE NEW YORK SPECIAL, YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS!

You have absolutely NO RIGHT to claim you're always honest when you went behind Ladybug's back and endangered Paris while you had the balls to run away like a coward and only helped fix the consequences of your actions once your ego was validated by a recording of Ladybug. It's honestly even worse because while Marinette had no choice but to leave and trust Alya with the Ladybug, Adrien willingly left Paris alone and we were supposed to sympathize with him after he killed someone, and now as soon as he's in the opposite situation, we're still supposed to feel bad for him?! BULLSHIT! And you better believe I'm going to talk about the way Adrien views his partnership with Ladybug later on.

And of course, even though lives are on the line, Cat Noir just has to continue to bitch and moan about how (and this is best read in Linkara's whiny Superboy Prime voice) “sCaRaBeLlA iSn'T tHe ReAl LaDyBuG”, showing how just like in so many episodes, Astruc and his team believes Cat Noir's feelings are more important than saving the day.

Scarabella goes to rescue some civilians, but they were actually brainwashed by Robustus, once again showing her inexperience as Ladybug which doesn't go well with her effortlessly defeating Cat Noir earlier at all. Cat Noir helps Scarabella escape and the two hide out at the city's wax statue museum previously featured in “The Puppeteer 2”, because I guess the writers only want to reference bad episodes today. Cat Noir, not getting the importance of secret identities, asks Scarabella how she knows Ladybug, and Cat Noir somehow finds out she knows Ladybug's identity from her response.

Before the two can talk more, it turns out that the wax statues of celebrities in the museum are real people who attack the two heroes, leading to an awkward fight scene where Scarabella and Cat Noir fight a bunch of brainwashed civilians with no weapons beyond their cellphones. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

Scarabella summons her Lucky Charm again, creating a frying pan, but when she looks around, she can't see how to properly use it. And despite spending the entire episode complaining about how much he hates her, it's Cat Noir that tells Scarabella to get her head back in the game because “That's what Ladybug would do”. Funny, I can think of a few situations where Cat Noir could have taken his own advice, but I digress. Also, he's now just cool with Scarabella because there's only a few minutes left in the episode and we need to wrap up the conflict.

Scarabella figures out an idea that involves freeing Marinette, so she negotiates with Robostus to free everything and everyone under his control or else Cat Noir will use his Cataclysm to destroy the Ladybug Miraculous. Robostus agrees and empties his hard drive, and to show them holding up her end of the bargain, Scarabella gives him the frying pan before she and Cat Noir let themselves be captured... while Marinette simply hits Robostus with the frying pan, freeing the Akuma and the two heroes. All in all, it's a really creative climax that shows both Scarabella and Marinette in perfect sync with each other even though they never discussed their plan. Though of course, because Astruc hates writing any scene with Ladynoir, Cat Noir gets a bucket stuck on his head so he doesn't see Marinette saving the day.

Scarabella de-evilizes Robostus, uses Miraculous Scarabella to fix everything and send Marinette back to the train, and because Hack-San already failed once, Shadowmoth can't use it for a different plan so he destroys the Sentimonster.

We cut to a few days after the trip (I guess Shadowmoth decided to take a vacation himself), and Alya tells Marinette to talk with Cat Noir about what happened.

This scene was so close to ending this episode off on a positive note. There was a good atmosphere and the body language of Ladybug and Cat Noir does a good job at telling us how uncomfortable they both feel while talking. It's just that instead of getting a heart to heart between the two about the lack of trust in their relationship, we get an Angstdrien Depreste scene. Or would a more accurate term be Cat Dour?

First off, while I don't have a problem with Ladybug apologizing for not telling Cat Noir, the episode never has him bring up what happened with Scarabella. As usual, both of them were partially at fault, but only Ladybug had to apologize for leaving her “Kitty” alone.

Second, Cat Noir’s feelings weren’t hurt? You’re telling me that in scenes like this...

And this...

Didn’t show Adrien acting irrationally because of how emotional he was? Is he really telling the truth around Ladybug or is he just trying to sweep that under the rug so Scarabella’s testimony doesn’t screw up his chances with Ladybug?

Third, this was an obvious chance to Cat Noir to finally be honest and tell Ladybug how he feels about her leaving him in the dark about so many things, but the entire conversation is just about how sad he would be if he never sees Ladybug again. Even though the whole reason he was so pissy to Scarabella at first was because of some lingering resentment for Ladybug ignoring him in favor of other heroes, why is this what the two talk about? I get it's not the season finale, but it's kind of hypocritical for Cat Noir to whine about how Ladybug doesn't trust him while never being honest about his own feelings? Sure, he's all soft and vulnerable around Ladybug, but we've seen all season how angry he gets about her not trusting him whenever she isn't around, so ironically, it's hard to tell if this is him being honest or not.

And I think now's a good time to finally talk about the way Ladybug and Cat Noir's partnership has been portrayed all season, especially since the main themes of the episodes relate to it. Buckle up, Adrien stans, because this isn't going to be pretty.

All season, we have been supposed to sympathize with Adrien as Marinette starts to trust Alya with more things than him. Marinette revealed her identity to her, trusted her to have her Miraculous permanently, and even let her keep her Miraculous even though someone else knew her identity. While some of it is hypocritical, the idea is that Adrien feels like he can be trusted with this kind of knowledge too, when really, he hasn't earned that responsibility.

Adrien has rarely, if ever, taken his job as a superhero seriously.

Not only is he known to flirt with Ladybug in the middle of a fight, he has defied her orders and recklessly sacrificed himself because he thinks Ladybug can do all the work without him.

He has also lashed out emotionally and once threatened to quit being Cat Noir in the middle of a crisis and was willing to let innocent people suffer for personal reasons, and later on actually quit being Cat Noir temporarily while Hawkmoth was about to start World War III because he was wallowing in self-pity.

He once said he isn't cut out for the responsibility that comes with being Ladybug and never learned anything from temporarily using the Ladybug Miraculous.

He has generally refused to respect Ladybug's boundaries and doesn't understand that she doesn't like him that way while he insists they should be a couple.

He outright fell for an evil doppelganger of Ladybug because she said she loved him and turned against the real Ladybug.

And I should also mention that despite hating how Ladybug keeps secrets from him, a lot of Adrien's worst moments have been when Ladybug wasn't around and he never told her about them.

He never told Ladybug that he was the reason Copycat really got akumatized while saying he never lies to her.

He never told Ladybug he contemplated letting thousands of people die because he didn't like not knowing stuff Ladybug knew.

He never told Ladybug he briefly used the Snake Miraculous to get brownie points with her.

He never told Ladybug he figured out her identity and asked her out as soon as he did so.

He never told Ladybug he abandoned Paris to go on a field trip.

He never told Ladybug he was screwing around on patrol and was excited to see someone get akuamtized if it meant spending time with her.

He never told Ladybug how he ignored Rena Rouge's orders because “ShE wAsN't LaDyBuG” and almost screwed up the mission because of it, and also never told her how he smashed a chimney in anger at Rena Rouge being in on the plan.

And he never told Ladybug he gave her replacement attitude after trying to harm her without letting her explain herself.

Why exactly should I support the idea of Ladybug trusting Cat Noir more when Cat Noir himself has kept his own secrets from Ladybug?

Adrien has done absolutely nothing to show he is trustworthy because more often than not, he views the battle with Shadowmoth as a game. He has screwed around when lives were on the line, and we're supposed to see him as responsible? It's kind of funny that Astruc compared Ladybug to Spider-Man, yet he seems to have forgotten that with great power, there must also come great responsibility. If this was a character flaw or a sign he needed to grow up, I'd be more accepting, but the fact that the writers think Adrien is a great superhero is laughable with how much evidence has proved the contrary.

In contrast, Alya, despite only being Marinette's confidant for a few episodes, has shown to take being a hero more seriously. She's helped her escape to transform, analyze the Guardian texts, and has been shown to work well on her own as Rena Rouge while helping out Marinette. I'm not trying to say she's an amazing character (“Rocketear” in particular has shown she still has problems with keeping secrets), but compared to Adrien, she seems to be more capable of handling top-secret information with Marinette, and more importantly, doesn't view being Rena Rouge as a way to have fun like Adrien does being Cat Noir. I'll go more into detail with that next time.

But yeah, this scene is how the episode ends, and what did I think of it?

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I'm honestly not sure which episode I think is worse, this one or “Queen Banana”. On the one hand, every frame of “Queen Banana” could easily be replaced by an image of Astruc flipping the bird and the overall message of the episode would remain unchanged, but the fact that all of the writers think that everything Adrien does in this episode is okay and that we should feel sorry for him in this episode is just as bad, if not worse.

As awful as Chloe was portrayed in “Queen Banana”, it was clear it was intentional on the writers' part, but Adrien doesn't get that excuse once much like he has all season. As far as Astruc's team thinks, Adrien is an incredible superhero even when he honestly attempted to harm someone with a superpower that can cause grievous harm at best. Yet again this season, in the show's attempt to make me feel sorry for Adrien, it made him look even worse. In any other show, he would obviously be called out for his incredibly unheroic actions.

Even putting him aside, the writing in this episode is still AWFUL. The whole reason Ladybug was benched had several plotholes and poor communication with Cat Noir that only made the fight with Robostus even harder, Shadowmoth's plan to waste a potentially useful Sentimonster to reuse a single Akuma was one of the dumbest plans he's ever had, and barring the ending, the action was just forgettable.

There were a few okay moments sprinkled throughout the episode (more than I can say for “Queen Banana”), so I'm still not sure if I should call this the worst episode of the show or still give that honor to “Queen Banana”. I guess I'll leave that choice up to you and let you pick your poison for now.

I mean, it's not like there's going to be an even worse episode down the line this season, right?

RIGHT???

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blakelywintersfield · 3 years ago

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Minors

Okay so, I originally wrote this in response to this post (my friend's reblog is linked instead of the original because OP either deleted it from their blog I guess?), but I feel like this constitutes as its own post.

I know this may sound like an overbearing parent "don't trust strangers on the internet" talk, but like. I don't think a lot of you understand just how quickly a situation can escalate; it's scary. I mean that not in a condescending "you think you're untouchable you stupid little child, you don't really know what the world is like" way either, but as in, I don't think internet safety is being taught realistically, so those things you're told to watch out for are far-fetched or already seem suspect.

Predators don't work the way TV shows joke that they do -- most predators aren't going to try and message you at random posing as a teenage girl and attempt to strike up a friendship. A lot interact in community spaces like tumblr, where some level of anonymity is allowed, and it's not odd for there to be people of both minor and adult ages. They interact with a variety of people -- not just targets. They will have full-fledged social circles. Their blogs and social interactions will look like literally any other person's on here.

Then, of the different blogs they follow, they end up interacting a lot with a certain user. Maybe the kind of humor clicks, or similar opinions, or interests. Nothing out of the ordinary; that's how people make friends. Maybe then they start by sending an ask, or a message, or whatever, and that continues for a bit until you two are kind of acclimated to one another, and then, as far as everyone is concerned, it's just a new friend! Neat! That's how you make friends on the internet. They most likely did this with their other friends on tumblr. Nothing weird. In this hypothetical, the minor party has their full name and city public.

But then this person you make friends with -- the way you would any other person on this website -- turns out to be 10+ years your senior. Which like. Honestly, you don't have to cut them out of your life and block them immediately, but you inform them you're 10 years younger than them. A responsible adult would respond to that knowledge with anything from the range of "oh holy shit you're baby uhh I feel a little weird interacting with you so personally" to "oh goodness you are a youngling I will now enter caregiver/parent-like mode". And there will be an established tone from there of "we may still interact but there is going to always be a set emotional distance". It'll have a different dynamic/feeling to the friendships you have with people your age. And it should. Both parties can still care about each other! But this isn't someone you would like. Hang out one on one with. You wouldn't hang out with your mom's friend one on one, or at your teacher's home alone. That'd be weird, right? That should be the same kind of vibe you get with any adult "friendship" you make online (I put friendship in quotes because I feel like... there's a better term for it, or should be one that establishes that adult/minor relationship, but if there is I can't for the life of me remember it).

But maybe that person doesn't go down that path. Maybe it comes off that way at first, but there's a subtle level of emotional manipulation that is subtle enough that you're not certain you can accuse them of being manipulative. "Oh wow, you're so much younger than me... do you still want to talk to me / be friends / etc.? I can leave you alone now if you want." Warning sign #1: they are pressuring you to make the decision; they are placing responsibility on you. And it might feel a little mean to just drop communication all of a sudden because of age -- you got along fine before. Why should that change anything? That's a rational thought process, but it's also the one that benefits them too.

So hypothetically, you say "no it's okay, we can still talk. we were talking just fine before we found out each other's ages so why should that change?" And then maybe the conversation continues normally from there. But then they continue interacting with you as your peers would. You guys talk about stuff that's been stressing you or your problems, just like you would with your peers. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. Warning sign #2: That form of emotional connection isn't normal with an adult/minor relationship. I have minors that follow me. They have talked to me about their problems, and I've offered advice and wisdom; I don't condemn that because, well. As adults, we should help guide the younger if asked. But when it comes to my troubles, I limit how much I discuss with them. I don't bring them up myself (it's often brought up by the other party because I'll post about it on here, like a vent post or whatever). And while I don't brush them off with a short "don't worry about it", I make it clear -- I appreciate that you care enough to make sure I'm okay (because their sympathy / care is just as valuable as an adult's), but even if I'm not okay, the burdens and problems surrounding my troubles will be dealt with by me. I don't ask them for advice. I don't goad them for sympathetic words. And it's not that I believe they couldn't give good advice, or their sympathy means less, but an adult should not be relying on a minor for those levels of emotional labor. That established emotional connection where both parties exchange advice and comfort is how predators manipulate their victims because it's subtle and seemingly harmless, and difficult to paint them as a bad person when you have that level of emotional trust.

And once that emotional connection is established, that's when things can escalate, and get scary, quickly.

One day while talking they will probably bring it up -- the way one of your peers would. Something along the lines of "hey can I tell you something?" or "there's something I want to tell you but I'm afraid you won't want to talk to me anymore if I do" etc. etc.; with that peer/peer dynamic, that'll make you anxious, sure. You'd probably get anxious if they were your own age and said that too. So then, it comes out in some form that "I like you, but like... as more than a friend" or "I think you're really cute; I have for a bit now actually" or something similar. Obviously then it's uncomfortable.

But then you realize -- this is an adult. This is someone who has access to transportation. This is someone that doesn't have to report to someone (i.e. a minor can't just say "I'm going out of town for a week bye!" like your parents would, or SHOULD, be like "uh okay where are you going, who are you going to be with, why, etc. etc. etc."). And they know your full name and a general idea of where you live. You could just block them then and there and remove that information from your blog. But what if they already saved it? What if they already used one of those websites where you can look up a person's address by name for $5? What if they already know where you live, and they had planned on asking to meet up? They might know where you live. And you can't confirm or deny that they know. You can't say for sure if you removed that information before they saved it and used it for that purpose. Suddenly, there's the very real possibility that a pedophile that admitted to being attracted to you knows where you live.

Then what do you do? You should tell your parents or a trusted authority figure. But you're also a teenager and there's the likelihood that your parents might brush it off, or get angry with you, and you might get your internet taken away, etc., which is stressful because that takes away a major social area. To build upon the anxiety with that, there's the risk of unknowing if this person does know where you live, and if they do, if they are just unstable enough to do something drastic, like, y'know. Kidnap you. Because they know where you live. And they may know your school schedule too. And if your parents or trusted authority figure doesn't know about this situation, you may end up a missing child never found at worst, or found with far more trauma (5 years of life being kidnapped as opposed to a few months) that could've been avoided had someone known the situation.

But to 100% ensure your safety, it would have to be reported to the police. Because your parents can't do anything about the fact that a pedophile on the internet might know where you live. They can't confirm or deny that they know, and if they did, there's not much they can do other than keep an eye out for someone that looks out of the ordinary. But if they're most likely not home at the same time you are all the time. So, having the police involved ensures your safety -- if you open a case. You can report it to the police, and they'll ask: do you want to press charges (because it could be considered a form of child endangerment). If you say no, then that guarantees if you are kidnapped, that person would be the first they'd look to as a suspect. But to avoid that kidnapping risk at all, you'd have to say yes. And you're a kid that's now having to get involved in court just to avoid any risk to your safety because a pedophile may or may not have your address and may or may not be someone that would abduct their target, and so even if they didn't have your address and wouldn't kidnap you, you are now in a legal situation, which is. extremely. stressful. As someone's who's dealt with the court system a lot it's stressful no matter what.

And sure, you could omit the last step. But then you'll have that looming anxiety for as long as you're a minor that there is a possibility this person may show up at your house at some point. And that anxiety is fucking torture. I know it firsthand, I know all of this up to the legal portion firsthand, because this is exactly how I got tangled up with a pedophile in high school. That anxiety can make you paranoid. It impacts your sleep, which impacts your emotional tolerance and your concentration. It looms and there's nothing you can do to get rid of it other than convince yourself "they probably don't have my address; they probably won't find me". And that logic becomes sounder as time passes. But it requires time to pass, and in the meantime, you sit in constant suffering suspense.

It's just not fucking worth it, okay? You might think "this would never happen to me" but like. I was the fat emo weirdo in high school, literally considered attractive by no one and told so by peers and I still had it happen to me. So don't think "I'm not appealing enough" or whatever. Put self-esteem issues aside here, because to them, you're underage and at a power dynamic disadvantage not just physically, but most likely emotionally too. They care that you're a certain (under)age and can be manipulated into sexual acts. They will target you no matter how ugly you think you are or how unattractive your peers have convinced you.

So please. As an adult, that went through this situation (and could've had it turn out a lot worse tbh) -- do not disclose your real name (especially last names), location more specific than country, phone number, or school publicly online or to anyone you cannot 100% trust. I practice half of these in adulthood just to err on the side of caution since a full name and phone number alone could be used to find my address, and there are some preeeeetty unstable people out there. As a minor, absolutely no one needs any information unless you plan on meeting them in person, which should only be done after you've gotten to know them extremely well and both parties' parents know and are involved. It doesn't need to be on your public profile, and it shouldn't be on your public profile. I want your social media experience to be as enjoyable as possible, I don't want you feeling like you have to constantly keep an eye out for predators. But to keep yourself as safe as possible, don't purposefully make that information public. It's simple, but it’ll help you avoid so much potential stress.

Please stay safe.

#safety #internet safety #minor safety

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circular-bircular · 2 years ago

Text

Sigh. Not to be real fucking rude, but you’re both wrong, and it’s 2:30 in the morning, and the topic of alter death pisses me the fuck off.

OP: Integration is the wrong word. Fusion is the word you’re is looking for, and any single person who looked into myths about CDDs from an actually reliable source rather than whatever bullshit you’re being fed by random internet users would hopefully be able to tell the difference. However, since you’re a quiogenic system who leans to the endogenic side of the binary (by your own admission) then I have to assume that you haven’t done quite as much research into CDDs. At least, that’s my assumption based on literally every experience I’ve had in plural spaces, beyond perhaps the last few months of being in CDD inclusive pro endo spaces. Endos just straight up misuse these words *fucking constantly* and I am so tired of seeing it. (Note, CDD systems do this too, but not to such an alarming amount)

Wren: While I agree with you that fusion cannot happen without healthy recovery, there are so many damn things in the brain that can feel like fusion, and furthermore, so many things in the brain that can feel like death. Discussing those things should not be taboo in the community, and I’m tired of seeing them dismissed as “THIS IS HARMFUL RHETORIC” without a single ounce of nuance.

Simply put, here’s my thoughts, and personal experiences:

OP, I’m sorry that happened to you. Genuinely, I don’t understand how Endogenic or non-CDD traumagenic systems work, especially since they are so much more varied than the very well studied and researched CDD systems I know. However, in my own experiences, and based on the experiences of CDD systems, fusion is not and never should feel like murder.

However, in many CDD experiences, dormancy can absolutely feel like the death of an alter, or even the murder of an alter. We have personally experienced the murder of two alters, and it did cause our system great distress. It’s so crucial to note that these dormancies were caused by great distress in of themselves, caused by conflict in our system, and it’s important to work through your shit together rather than hurt each other.

However, while one of these dormancies felt, at the time, like it was strictly a death and then a lack of that alter for years, the other, we convinced ourselves was a “fusion” due to our lack of understanding. It’s the wrong terminology, but it’s easy to understand why we felt it was a fusion. When that alter died, it felt as if he was spread across all the other alters.

This was not the case. His dormancy was caused by intense distress, not the healthy communication required from fusion. However (and mind you, this is our best theory of explaining what happened), in the moment, our brain needed a way to explain the horrific thing we were experiencing. Therefore, that alter quite literally “shattered” into all of the other alters, or that’s what it felt like.

There is a distinct difference now, however, between how we used to be back then and how we are now. Both of those dormant alters returned, and the system *feels* different. We can access their emotions and feelings. We can feel them existing and feel their thoughts, their emotions. This does not happen with dormancy, but from what we’ve heard, that’s what happens with fusion. Perhaps that can help you better define what you’re experiencing.

Lastly, it’s okay to be scared if it is fusion. Fusion can be scary for many systems, because it’s unknown, and (again, for CDD systems), the unknown is unsafe for traumatized people. Unknown means unpredictable, which automatically feels negative and bad. It’s okay to be scared. But spreading this rhetoric, very publicly, that fusion is murder is extremely anti recovery for systems, as it isn’t. It literally cannot be. Can it feel like it? Also no. But a dormancy that feels like it was maybe a fusion if you’re uneducated can, and a fusion can feel like a loss as well. It’s valid to have feelings about those things - but those feelings don’t need to be written the way you did in your og post.

I hope things ease up for you soon. /not mad

GENUINELY upset.

Someone said that it’s “basically suicide” when an alter integrates with another alter.

Tell me you don’t know what integrating means WITHOUT telling me you don’t know what it means.

When an alter integrates with another alter, they’re fusing MEMORIES. They’re not fusing the ALTER. It’s lowering dissociative barriers and helps with memory and thoughts.

It’s absolutely fucking disgusting to say “it’s like suicide.”

If you don’t know what you’re talking about, DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. /mad

#syscourse #sigh

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youneedasoultraveller · 4 years ago

Note

Is the popular headcanon that Nicky was illiterate, stupid and barbaric fitting in the stereotypes about Southern Europeans / Mediterraneans ? I’m guessing it’s from the American part of the fandom that’s choosing to not respectfully write Nicky since he is white while being virulent towards anybody that doesn’t perfected and accurately write Joe because he is MENA.

Hello!

Mind you, I am neither a psychologist, a sociologist nor a historian, so of course be aware these are my own views on the whole drama.

But to answer your question, yes, I personally think so. It definitely comes from the American side, but I have seen Northern Europeans do that too, often just parroting the same type of discourse that Anglos whip out every other day.

There is an abysmal ignorance of Medieval history – even more so when it concerns countries that are not England: there is this common misconception that Europe in the Middle Ages was this cultural backwater full of semi-barbaric people that stems unfortunately not only from trying to (correctly) reframe colonialist approaches to the historiographies of non-European populations (that is, showing the Golden Age of Islamic culture, for instance, as opposed to what were indeed less culturally advanced neighbours), but also from distortions operated by European themselves from the Renaissance onwards, culminating in the 18th century Enlightenment philosophes categorising the Middle Ages as the Dark Ages.

Now this approach has been time and time again proven to be a made-up myth. I will not go into detail to disprove each and every single one misconception about the Medieval era because entire books have been written, but just to give you an example: there was no such a thing as a ius primae noctis/droit du seigneur; people were aware that the Earth was not flat (emperors, kings, saints, etc, they were depicted holding a globe in their hands); people were taking care of their hygiene, either through the Roman baths, or natural springs, or private tubs that the wealthier strata of the population (and especially the aristocracy) owned. The Church was not super happy about them not because it wanted people to remain dirty, but because often these baths were for both men and women, and it was not that in favour of them showing off their bodies to one another. Which, you know, we also don’t do now unless you go to nudist spas. It was only during the Black Death in the 14th century that baths were slowly abandoned because they became a place of contagion, and they went into disuse (or better, they changed purpose and became something like bordellos). And, lastly, there was certainly a big chunk of the population that was illiterate, but certainly it was not the clergy, which was THE erudite class of the time. It was in monasteries and abbeys that knowledge was passed and preserved (as well as lost unfortunately often, such as the case for the largest part of classical literature).

So what does this mean? According to canon, Nicolò was an ex priest who fought in the First Crusade. This arguably means that at the very least he was a cadet son of a minor noble family (or a wealthy merchant one) who was part of the clergy. As such, historically he could have been neither illiterate nor a dirty garbage cat in his daily life.

Let’s then talk geography. Southern Europe (and France) was far, far more advanced than the North at the time and Italy remained the cultural powerhouse of the continent until the mid-17th century. Al Andalus in the Iberian Peninsula, the Italian States, the Byzantine Empire (which called itself simply Roman Empire, whose population defined itself as Roman and cultural heirs of the Latin and Greek civilisations): these places have nothing to do with popular depictions of Medieval Europe that you mainly see from the Anglos. Like @lucyclairedelune rightfully pointed out: not everyone was England during the plague.

Also the Middle Ages lasted one thousand years. As a historical age, it’s way longer than anything we had after that. So of course habits varied, there was a clear collapse right after the fall of the Western Roman Empire, but then things develop, you know?

Anyway, back to the point in question. Everything I whipped up is not arcane knowledge: it’s simply having studied history at school and spending a few hours reading scientific articles on the internet which are not “random post written by random Anglo on Tumblr who can hardly find Genoa on a map”.

Nicolò stems from that culture. The most advanced area in Europe, possibly a high social class, certainly educated, from Genoa, THE maritime superpower of the age (with…Venice). It makes absolutely no sense that he would not be able to speak anything past Ligurian: certainly Latin (the ecclesiastical one), maybe the koine Greek spoken in Constantinople, or Sabir, or even the several Arabic languages from the Med basin stretching from al Andalus to the Levant. Because Genoa was a port, and people travel, bring languages with them, use languages to barter.

And now I am back to your question. Does this obstinacy in writing him as an illiterate beast (basically) feed into stereotypes of Mediterranean people (either from the northern or the southern shore)? It does.

It is a typically Anglo-Germanic perspective that of describing Southern (Catholic) Europeans are hot-headed, illiterate bumpinks mindlessly driven by blind anger, lusts and passions, as opposed to the rational, law-abiding smart Northern Protestants. You see it on media. I see it in my own personal life, as a Southern Italian living in Northern Europe for 10 years.

Does it sound familiar? Yes, it’s the same harmful stereotype of Yusuf as the Angry Brown Man. But done to Nicolò as the Angry Italian Man (not to mention the fact that, depending on the time of day and the daily agenda of the Anglo SJW Tumblrite, Italians can be considered either white or non-white).

Now, the times where Nicolò is shown as feral are basically when he is fighting (either in a bloody war or against Merrick’s men) or when Yusuf is in danger. Because, guess what, the man he loves is being hurt. What a fucking surprise.

Nicolò is simply being reduced to a one dimensional stereotype of the dirty dumb angry Italian, and people are simply doing this because they do not seem to accept the fact that both he and Yusuf are two wonderfully complex, flawed, fully-fledged multidimensional characters.

So I am mainly concentrating on Nicolò here because as an Italian I feel more entitled to speak about the way I see the Anglo fandom treating him and using stereotypes on him that have been consistently applied to us by the Protestant Northerners. I keep adding the religious aspect because, although I am an atheist who got debaptised from the Catholic Church, a big part of the historical treatment towards Southern has to do with religion and the contempt towards Catholic rituals and traditions (considered, once again, a sign of cultural backwardness by the enlightened North).

I do not want to impose my view of Yusuf because there are wonderful Tumblr users from MENA countries who have already written wonderful metas of the way Yusuf is being depicted by non-MENA people (in particular Americans), especially (again) @lucyclairedelune and @nizarnizarblr.

However, I just want to underline that, by only ever writing Yusuf as essentially a monodimensional character without a single flaw, this takes away Yusuf’s canon multidimensionality, the right he has to feel both positive but also negative feelings (he was hurt and angry at Booker’s betrayal, allegedly his best friend, AND HE HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BE – and I say this as a Booker fan as well).

I have not been the first to say these things, it is nothing revolutionary, and it exactly complements what the MENA tumblr users in the TOG fandom have also been trying to say. Both of us as own voices people who finally have the chance to have two characters that are fully formed and honest representations of our own cultures, without stereotypes or Anglogermanic distortions.

And the frustration mounting among all of us comes from the fact that the Anglos are, once again, not listening to us, even telling us we are wrong about our own cultures (see what has happened to Lucy and Nazir).

What is even more frustrating is that everything in this cursed fandom – unless it was in the film or comics – is just a bloody headcanon. But these people are imposing their HCs as if it were the Word of God, and attacking others – including own voices MENA and Italians – for daring to think otherwise.

I honestly don’t expect this post will make any difference because this is just a small reflection of what Americans do in real life on grander scale, which is thinking they are the centre of the world and ignoring that the rest of the world even exists regardless of their own opinions on it.

But still, sorry for the length, hope I answered your question.

#i am also expecting to receive lots of shit for this but can't say i care #the old guard #tog discourse #nicolo di genova #the old guard meta

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cruecifymesixx · 4 years ago

Text

Love and Leather /part eighty eight/

Word Count: 3.9k

A/N: Enjoy! Things will get better soon

Warnings: language, angst

Taglist: @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, @a-simple-salmon, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent, , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @criminalyetminimal, @trapt-in-a-dream, @broke-n-bitchy, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @herbertweeest, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @waywardprincess666, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @zoenicoles, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @nassauartist @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe, @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist, @sleepyjunhong @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks @kaitieskidmore1 @unknownoblivion @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier @youretheonlyonewhomakesme, @xxisxxisxxis, @dogmom2014, @cruesixxlover1991, @xpoisonousrosesx, @m0rnlngstar, @love-struck-aries, @findingmyths, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @patheticgay69 @rocknroll--baby, @redlipscrystalskies14, @samanthadegaro @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @thechangingme, @idkmanhereisshitilike, @makaelahdelvalle

*Flashback*

*Moscow 1989*

"It's fucking bullshit!" Nikki shouts as he and the rest of the band come barreling through the dressing room door, "He's seriously going to let Bon fucking Jovi headline? Seriously? We deserve more than that!"

I glance up from filing my nails as each and everyone of them, besides Mick, looks pissed.

"Who the hell does Doc think he is? We're more of a selling act than he is! We didn't fly all the way out here just so we can be out at the bottom of the lineup. It's a complete waste of our time. We could be getting ready to promote Dr. Feelgood!" Tommy then joins in on the screaming match, well at this point I would say it's an ego match.

I move a piece of Nikki's disheveled hair out of his face as he sits next to me on the leather couch, "Fucking Doc promised Jovi that he would be headlining and bumped us down a few notches. If you can't handle managing big names than maybe you should get a different fucking job." Nikki explains to me as he swipes the bottle of sparkling water off the table and takes a sip.

I look around the room as Vince is staring off into space, Tommy is fumbling with his wedding ring and Mick is in his own little world strumming some chords on the guitar. I clear my throat a bit, "Baby, it's not that big of a deal.."

"Not that big of a deal?"

Nikki and I stare at each other a moment, "You know this event is for the fans, the kids that have never experienced American rock before. I don't think it really matters whose headlining and whose not, ya know?" I express my opinion gently as he just continues to stare at me, a dumbfounded look plastered across his face.

"You're just saying that because you like Bon Jovi." He snaps back with an added eye roll,

I chuckle a bit, "You're right, I do, but I wouldn't care if he was headlining or not. Just like I don't care if Mötley was headlining or not. Doc is doing what's best for business. The whole line up is star studded, Nikki. Whether your first or last it's not gonna matter to the audience. What matters is how good of a show you put on. Plus...with you guys being sober, not having performed in over a year and with the new album coming out, it just gives the band the chance to prove that you guys are doing better than ever before."

"How could you not care if Mötley was headlining or not?" Nikki questions, his tone shocked as I groan in annoyance.

"That's really all you took from that?" I eye him as his lips tug upwards in a small smile.

"It just fucking sucks Van. Our first big show out of rehab and he has us being the opening act for Bon Jovi. It's ridiculous. Doc was our manager first. We should take precedence. Not some fucking wannabe cowboy that sings power ballads."

*End flashback*

*Nikki's POV*

"She really wants to play soccer?" I look at Vanity as I lean against the doorframe of the bathroom, "Arianna hates when she gets dirty from playing in the backyard so why would she want to play soccer?" My nose wrinkles up in confusion as I watch Van brush her teeth.

She shrugs at me before spitting and rinsing her mouth, "I don't know. She just said she wanted to play so I grabbed the papers from the bulletin board at her school. I think it would be good for her Nikki. She likes staying busy so I think some little league sports would be good. We can still think about it and talk, the packet isn't due until April."

"No, no. I agree too. We'll just have to explain that she would have to stick with it and try to participate as much as she likes being active she is lazy sometimes." I notice she grabs her make up bag and start pulling stuff out, "You going somewhere?"

She turns her head looking over at me as she rubs cream onto her face, "Yeah? I'm going out with Jon...I told you like three days ago."

"Jon? Oh, right...right...the guy from the diner." I chuckle as she lets out an annoyed sigh.

"If you're gonna start already you can just leave me alone." Vanity tells me, eyebrow raising in mischief as she begins to put make up on her face.

I cross the threshold and pull myself up on the counter, "Where's he taking you? Somewhere romantic?" I tease her as she glances at me, "Oh? It is romantic tonight? That's cool...Donna's out shooting some stuff for Baywatch so she's kinda busy."

"I'm sorry you're lonely." Vanity smirks as she blows me a kiss, "And he's taking me to the beach. There's a horse stable in Malibu and we're gonna ride some horses and have dinner."

I let out an boisterous laugh, "Fucking seriously? That's the most corniest date I've ever heard of."

"Don't be mad because you didn't think of taking me first." She's quick with a comeback as I steal the blush from the counter when she reaches for it.

"Baby, If I wanted to take you on a romantic date I would fly us to Paris." I explain as I hand the container over, "Yeah...Paris, we could get some really nice wine, I'd take you to the best restaurant, get you some fresh flowers from the florist cart. We would take a stroll at the Jardin des Plantes after our dinner. You'd love it Van, there's twinkling lights and always people singing love songs." I explain to her as she glances at me smiling before rolling her eyes and looking back at herself in the mirror.

"Last time I was in Paris, I found out I was pregnant."

My eyes narrow as my head slightly tilts to the side, "During Dr. Feelgood? You knew you were pregnant then?"

"Yeah.." she nods as she starts putting the make up away and tousled her hair with her fingers, "And don't get upset because I didn't tell you. I had to take tests in Paris, remember? You thought I was sick from the sushi? I just had a feeling something was off and I also didn't want to tell you in case they were wrong. One test was negative so I just wanted to wait until we got back home and as you know what happened next." She chuckles a bit and looks at me, "Do I look okay?"

I sigh a bit, trying not to be upset "Yeah doll, you look perfect."

Vanity comes over and stands in front of me, placing her hands on my knees, "If you're gonna be bored go hang out with Tommy-"

"He's too obsessed with putting his head against Clems stomach since they heard the heartbeat at the doctors appointment last week." I explain as she smiles at me.

"You can't be mad at him for that. What about Mick? I'm sure he could use some company or Corabi?"

"No, Micks been wanting to stay to himself and Corabi got a girlfriend...I'll just wait for you to get back. You are coming home tonight, right?" I question her as she leaves the bathroom and I quickly follow, "Right, Vanity?"

"Yes Nikki. I'll be home. Do I have a curfew?" She looks at me over her shoulder before she walks into her closet to pick out clothes.

"Well...now that you mention it..." I laugh when she throws a pair of jeans at me before she slips a pair on and pulls them over her ass and hips, "So it's a casual date?"

"Mhmm...not that romantic like you think it is." She tells me as she pushes hangers back to look at sweaters. We both look at each other when the doorbell goes off.

"Nikki! Wait!!" She yells for me as I run out of her room with Anarchy chasing after me.

I run down the stairs, my eyes narrowing when I see a figure outside the glass paneling of the door, "I'll get it Van! You finish getting dressed!" I yell back at her, nudging Anarchy out of the way as I open up the door. The arrogant smile I had on my face dropped when I saw a dozen red roses and a pearly white smile hiding behind it.

"Jovi?" I stare at him as he chuckles, "You lost?"

"Uh no actually. I'm here to pick up Vanity." He explains, clearing his throat, "We have plans."

My hand grips the doorknob as we stare at one another, "Oh really? You're the guy she's been seeing? You do know it isn't a serious thing between you and her, right?"

Jon laughs at me as I glare, he holds the bouquet of flowers in his hand, "Look Nikki, I wouldn't want your feathers to get ruffled. We're just having fun with each other, that's all."

What the fuck was that suppose to mean? Fun? With each other?

"Yeah, well she can't go. She's sick. It's really nasty, she's been vomiting all morning and stuck on the toilet if you know what I mean. I think Arianna brought the bug home. So I'll have her call you, yeah?" I try closing the front door but he puts his hand out to stop me, "Get off my property before I call the cops."

I feel a hand on my side before I'm being pushed out of the way, "I'm glad you two were able to catch up." Van says, glaring at me before rolling her eyes, "Lets get going Jon." She smiles at him as he hands over the flowers and she's giving them to me "Put them in a vase for me would you Nikki?"

I reach for her arm and pull her back in, "Give us a minute would ya Jon? It's a family meeting." I glare before shutting the door in his face, "Seriously?! Bon fucking Jovi?!" I yell quietly as she reaches for the door handle but I grab her wrist.

"What? What's the problem? I'm doing what the therapist is asking us to do?" She fakes stupidity as she smiles at me, "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Why him? Of all fucking people? You know I don't like him." I speak through gritted teeth, "You could have picked anyone but him."

"That's not my problem Nikki. I am doing what you wanted so I am going to have fun on my date and I will see you when I get back."

My jaw clenches as she reaches for the door, I wanted to find the words to tell her not to go, to just stay with me and we'll figure it out but I just couldn't get them out of my fucking mouth. She looks at me before closing the door, hearing them talk before a car door closes and the engine starts. I grip the flowers in my hand before tossing them into the trash can.

*Vanity's POV*

I lean down against the drivers side window, feeling Jon put his hand against my cheek "I really had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you." I smile at him as his thumb runs over my cheekbone.

"Can't wait to see what you plan for the next date, I don't know why but I'm expecting it to be over the top." We both chuckle a bit as I nod in agreement.

"I'll have to think of something good then.." we both look at each other for a moment, before I lean forward to give him a kiss, "Goodnight Jon."

"Goodnight sweetheart, I'll call you."

I sigh a bit, waving bye to him when he drives out of the gates. I hold onto my purse as I walk up the front steps to the door, reaching for the handle as it doesn't open. I groan a bit and dig through my purse for my keys "Damnit.." I look through the glass, seeing them on the entry way table being illuminated by the kitchen light.

I step off the porch and walk over to the gate leading to the back yard but it's locked. Fucking Nikki. It's never locked. I try reaching over the wooden boards but I wasn't tall enough to grasp the latch. I sigh and go over to the door, pressing the doorbell and knocking loudly.

I hear a window open above me and i step back seeing Nikki, "Babe! Open the door. I left my keys here!"

"Oh you did? Well that sure as hell sucks." He says as he looks down at me.

"Nikki c'mon it's cold! Just let me in!" I shout back at him as I hear him laugh "This isn't funny! Open the door or I'm breaking it!" I hear him grumble before he leaves the window. I wait impatiently, ringing the doorbell again before the hallway light flips on.

"Why'd you forget your keys, Van?" He looks at me with a smug smile as he opens up the door.

"Because you were yelling at me." I lean against the wall "And we never lock the side gate so what gives? How childish are you to lock me out because you're jealous?"

"Jealous? Of course I'm jealous! How did you even meet him?! What the fuck Vanity, it's gonna get out to the press!"

"It's already in the press Nikki!" I shout back at him, "They already released pictures of you and Donna looking pretty comfortable at some god damn club! Everyone already knows! I met him at work Nikki-"

"So you've been lying to me?"

I stare at him as I laugh, "Are you joking me? Lying to you? I haven't lied about anything! I told you I was seeing a guy I met there!"

"But you didn't say it was Jovi! God, why do you have a thing for fucking rockstars! If it's not me, it's Tommy, if it's not Slash, it's Jovi. Whose fucking next!? How about I call up some of my friends and you can pick! You're nothing more than a glorified groupie slut who got lucky and popped out a rockstars kid!"

My shoulders drop as I stare at him in shock. Eyebrows raised and my lips parting slightly, "Hm." My eyes close with a light head shake as I reach for my keys from the bowl. I keep my purse on my shoulder as I turn from him and head back out the front door.

"Van, it's the middle of the night, I am sorry." Nikki's tone is panicked as he follows after me, "I'm mad and I didn't mean that. I said it out of anger." I feel his hand wrap around my elbow as my own hand reaches for the door. I tug my arm away from his grip and open the car door.

I stare at him for a moment, trying to come up with something to say, "Yeah, no. I'm not doing this." I sit down and shut the door, quickly locking it as I see him trying to open it. I put the key in the ignition ignoring the constant tapping on the window and my name being yelled as I put it in reverse and start backing out of the driveway. I'm not really sure where I was going, but I just knew I didn't want to be here with him suffocating me with apologies.

Later the following week, I find myself sitting in our therapists office clutching an iced coffee as I wait for Dr. Peterson to come in. I wanted to have a solo session as Nikki was in meetings with Alan and the band to discuss the production of the up coming tour and Arianna was at school.

Nikki and I haven't talked about our argument the other night, nor have we spoke more than 5 words to each other at a time. It makes me laugh because talking is easy, it comes naturally for the two of us as our own persons. Nikki had also been leaving after Arianna goes to bed and coming back early in the morning before she wakes up, my guess is he's staying at Donna's but at this point I've been finding myself asking do I even care anymore?

"I am surprised to see you by yourself." Dr. Peterson pulls me from my thoughts as I hear the door click shut and watch her walk over to her chair.

"Yeah-" I smile politely at her, "Thanks for seeing me on such a short notice too. I really appreciate it." I watch as she opens up her folder as she brings her glasses up to her face.

"At least I won't have to replace the candy dish mid session because Nikki decided to inhale the whole thing." She jokes as we both laugh a bit.

"I decided it would be better if I went solo on this one. Would save us both the headache and keep Nikki out of the dentist."

"Of course, so what would you like to discuss today?"

I shift on the couch as I cross one leg over my knee, "Well...Nikki and I got into a pretty heated argument the other night essentially over us seeing other people and I left because I didn't want to say anything I regretted like he did. I don't know...I'm just, I'm conflicted." I glance over at her, "The more him and I see other people, the more I don't feel like we have a chance of being together how we want to be. We're more distant than ever before. It's like there's some heavy, crushing weight over us."

"We-we rarely talk, only when it involves Arianna. Sometimes we have sex still so it's just confusing because he'll tell me one thing and do another."

"Okay...Have you two done any of the other ideas I told you about? Spending time with one another? Doing things you normally wouldn't do? Spending time together without Arianna? Adults need their time too, Vanity." She questions as I shake my head, "You two just jumped into seeing other people?"

"Well Nikki did, I didn't-" I sigh when she puts her hand up, "I forgot, don't place blame on the other person. Yes, we both did jump into seeing other people. I mean, we did hang out and spend time together alone but it was only once. He started getting busy with the album so we just haven't had the time."

"You haven't had the time? Or you just don't want to make the time?" Dr. Peterson asks as I look at her.

"Well...I don't know!" I chuckle a bit, "Nikki's busy. He has a lot on his plate at the moment."

She narrows her eyes at me, "He's busy? Is he even too busy for Arianna?"

"No, he's never too busy for her. He'd wipe out his whole schedule for Arianna."

Dr. Peterson leans back in the chair as we look at one another for a moment, "So...he's not too busy for Arianna and he's not too busy to make time to go on these dates from what you're telling me. So why do you think he's too busy to make time for you? Or are you worried he's going to tell you no, Vanity?"

"No, I'm not worried he would say no....I just don't feel like I'm one of his priorities, so why would he waste his time?" I shrug my shoulders as I look away from her for a moment.

"Okay....you've been going on dates too? How are they? Are you enjoying your time?"

I take a deep breath and exhale, "Yeah, I am. They've been really good and a lot of fun. He's really nice and pleasant to be around. It's like a fresh of breath air, but I feel so much guilt when I'm with him and I doubt Nikki feels like that." I roll my eyes as I meet her stern gaze, "I shouldn't assume how he's feeling." I mumble lowly to her.

"And has Nikki expressed how he feels about you going on dates? Has he told you?"

I nod a bit, "Yeah, he usually just jokes or teases me about it. But he got mad over the weekend that I was going on a date so we got into an argument. Nikki wasn't happy about who I'm seeing because he knows him and doesn't like him. He locked me out of the house, every door and side gate was locked. Even the garage. He kept saying I had been lying to him just because I didn't tell him who I was seeing.. I didn't tell him who I was seeing because I knew this would be the outcome." I lightly shake my head as a sigh escapes me.

"Vanity, I know you want things to work."

I stare at Dr. Peterson as my eyes swell up with tears, "Is that so wrong? That I just want to be together? For Arianna to have a family? I don't think that's a bad thing to want." I feel my voice get shaky and my bottom lip quivers as I look away from her.

"No, you're right. It's not a bad thing to want. However, is it Arianna who wants a family or is it you?"

My eyebrows pull together tightly in confusion, "What do you mean? I'm certain Arianna would want to see us together."

Dr. Peterson chuckles slightly as she glances at me, "You always use Arianna. Let's be honest, Vanity. You want a family because you weren't close with your own, same with Nikki and you are doing everything under the sun to have Nikki just want you, and only you. He's been your only support, stable support system. Yet, you don't know if you want him in or want him out. You're so worried about if he wants you that you probably don't stop and ask yourself, 'hey, do I even want him?'."

"Because he always says he wants me and only me. I'm sorry that I believe him?" My face scrunches up as I become frustrated, "My family was around enough. I wasn't completely abandoned like Nikki was. I just don't know why I keep thinking he's going to change, he never does. It's a never ending fucking cycle we're fine one minute and then the next we're not. It won't fucking stop." I grumble, slumping back against the couch as I look past her.

"Then maybe this is when you need to change instead of waiting on him. You decide if you want to take this situation into your hands and decide the outcome."

My eyes find hers, "Are you telling me to leave him?" The expression drops from my face and a frown replaces it as she doesn't say anything in return, "But I love him...and I barely knew how to function in New York without him." I blink back tears as I stare at the green and white pattered carpet, "I just- I wouldn't even know how to bring it up to Nikki without it turning into one big pile of shit."

"You could always do it here. It is a safe space, ya know?"

"I know it's a safe place...I'd just be scared he'd storm out of here and I'd find all my stuff thrown out in the street."

She chuckles, "I highly doubt Nikki would do that to you." I shrug at her words, "I'm not saying to jump to conclusions Vanity. Think it over, listen to what your gut, mind and heart are saying. I can only give you so much advice, it's your turn to decide if you want to take it or not."

I take a deep breath in as I breathe it out slowly, "I'll think about it for a few days and then I'll talk to him. And whatever happens, happens."

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amindofstone · 3 years ago

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Match up, No. 9

@starlightbydaybright hat gefragt:

Hello! Saw you were taking match-ups and I was wondering if I could request one. Only done one before for another fandom, and I was wondering who I’d align with for One Piece ^^

I'm an INFP and generally an introvert, finding it difficult to express myself when I'm around people I'm unfamiliar with or just not close to. I can be both quiet and shy; quiet when I have no interest in making good impression on that person (a stranger I'll see once and never again) and shy when I'm genuinely trying to make myself acceptable to them. But, I do trust easily, so it's not hard to get close enough with me that I'll open up about almost everything, so long as they understand have my boundaries (that'll shift depending on how close). I'm also very affectionate with people I'm close with, particularly through physical touch, since I've been pretty touch starved. If you're close friends with me, you can find me constantly looking for a hug, but I can respect boundaries since not everyone enjoys contact.

The situation would be a bit different romance wise, since I’d revert a bit back to my introverted side, but also very affection-seeking at the same time. I say affection seeking as in I’d crave time and activities spent together with them, but I’d be afraid to ask/initiate, at least during the early beginnings of the relationship. I’d be constantly seeking affirmation of their love, and since I’ve never been in a relationship before (but desperately wanted one), they’d be constantly receiving my love too ❤️

While being an introvert in reality, I find it much easier to speak with confidence online. as I actually have time to contemplate what I can say. It's when I'm either with close friends or on the internet, that I can go on passionate endless rants or show my passive aggressive side. I'm usually pacifist, but if something irks me enough, I can and will pitch in snide/sarcastic remark or two, or if it's more serious; I will write out whole sophisticated and well worded paragraph that'd sound all polite with a hidden snarky tone.

I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic, so there's lot of couple things I want to try when I find someone. Back hugs, bridal carry, tickle fights, you name it. While I do enjoy these displays of affection (comes with the happy kind of embarrassment aka. I feel embarrassed that others sees it but I’m happy because I know they’re not doing it out of maliciousness and because they truly love me), small gestures are appreciated too; a gentle squeeze of the hand, a passing smile, etc.

As for hobbies, I enjoy reading, writing, (occasionally) drawing, but most of all; probably singing. I enjoy a wide variety of songs, depending on what mood I'm in, but I particularly like songs about love. Looking for someone to sing the duet love songs with me, doesn't matter how good or bad they are at singing. They can be tone deaf for all I care, it's the thought that matters 😊

I'm very emotionally sensitive, and can both laugh and cry easily. A random stranger online wished me good day? I'll be in good mood for awhile. Watched a 'mildly' sad movie? (Extra emphasis on mildly) I better have new box of tissue on the side just in case. It'd be nice to have someone that can either comfort me or at least tolerate my emotions, so I wouldn't be irking them 😞

I don't really have a type when looking for significant other but being an INFP does make the romance thing complicated. It'd be nice to have someone that's far along on the extroverted side (just not happy go lucky and can be serious) since, despite being introverted, I like to experience new things. I'm just too afraid to try alone and prefer it if someone else recommends it first. Someone to prompt me and nudge me to do something, but won’t take it too far if I really looked uncomfortable. (I’m also a procrastinator so they gotta find out the right ratio between pushing vs. taking it too far 😅) In relationship, I'd value trust and loyalty the most, since both are important in keeping the healthy relationship. If both sides could equally trust and be trusted, then there wouldn't be place for insecurity or fear. This ties in with another part of me being an INFP; I want a relationship that lasts forever. While it's weird to decide how long lasting the love will be early in the relationship, I don't think I can fully commit myself to someone, knowing that it'll end (through the other side falling out of love with me, finding interest in someone else, etc.) (natural causes like death are fine, even though I will still be sad 🥲)

As for appearance, I’m a 5”4 female with slightly wavy black hair that reach nearly to my waist. I don’t think I’m particularly short, but then again, every anime character seems to be straight up giants XD (Man, I was born with the wrong genes) I’m overall very plain, with black hair, brown eyes, but I’ve always been told I had pretty long eyelashes and big bright eyes. Average weight for my height, and flat chested :’)

As for the preference for gender, I’m mainly attracted to guys. I had some (very few) crushes on a small selection of female anime characters, but that were very rare, like 3, compared to my (insert large number) male crushes

Thank you in advance and sorry for how long this is 😔

P.s. I feel like I need to emphasize I’m still an introvert, since the personality I described is only limited to my very small friend group

a/n:

Hey there? How are you doing? Thank you so much for requesting. First off I should be apologizing for making you wait so long. I hope you´re not mad at me but lately there is a lot happening in my life. In my private life but also in my college life. But let´s put that aside and get to your request.

I have to thank you for the detailed info about you because that helped me to choose a match up for you so much. Like I instantly could think of someone. Not only did it help me to match you up with someone but also to come up with a plot. So I came up with this little imagine/hedcanon… I really don´t know what to call my work for the imaginies so I go with work. XD Anyways I really don´t know what to do at this point. Your request and your personality gave me such a good idea for a plot that I tried my best to keep it short because I decided to turn this request and my ideas and thoughts that are flying around in my mind to an actual FANFICTION! AHHHHHHHH. I can´t stop thinking about it. The idea sounds so damn good in my head that it makes me smile like an idiot right now! Uff I can´t wait to find time writing it down. AHAHH, but I fear that I already gave aways so much with this!!!! *pouts Doesn´t matter I´ll do it anyways. AHHHHHHHHHHH Thank you so damn much for requesting!

Anyways! Back to my work now. If there is anything that bothers you or you simply hate please make sure to tell me so I can change it and give you whatever you´d like. Other than that happy reading my dear!

Match up rules can be found HERE.

Warning(s): Maybe grammatical or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I´m still improving in every aspect (Please have mercy on that.)

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. Please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to: I sadly don't know. Please tell me of you know so I can give credits. Thank you in advance. !!!

· I decided to pair you up with KILLER

· Like am I the only person that thinks that he is not getting the screen time and appreciation he deserves? Because that is the damn case! ODA GIVE THIS MAN THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION HE DESERVES. And while we´re at it I wouldn´t mind if I would get a bit more of Eustass Kid too… Thank you in advance. <3

· But that’s not the point. Please dear requesting beautiful human being give this man and me, your hopelessly dreamy author a chance. Thank you, I really appreciate. <3

· aNyWaYssssS.

· “y/n? Are you still awake?”, asked the blond man softly. “No worries I won´t make you carry me to bed again.”, you said with a giggle. You couldn´t see his face but you knew that he was smiling. “I don´t mind that you know? I like having you close to me without having to fear to see you hid under the blanket for who knows how long.”, you rolled you eyes and hit his arms. “That only happened because that idiot captain of yours annoyed the hell out of me. That was embarrassing Killer.”, you slowly put one leg over the railing and then the next one. Making sure you don´t fall down the ship. “What happened? Didn´t you drag me out our cabin to watch the stars?”, asked the muscular man who held you close to him while making sure you didn´t fell. “I did but now I´d like to look at something different. Something even more beautiful. Something that gives me warmth and happiness. Something that keeps me alive and always makes sure I am doing fine.”, talking to the blond pirate while sitting at the railing was one of the rare moments you were close to an eye level with him. “You mean my mask?”, asked the man with a tiled head that got you to roll your eyes and hit his chest. “Great you destroyed the sweet moment. I hate you. Make a step back so I can get down. I want to go back to bed and drown in regret of dating you.”, you tried to push him away but he was obviously stronger and threw you over his shoulder. “Of course you hate me. That was also the exact same thing you were moaning a while ago. Let´s go back to bed nerd.”

· As sweet and loving your relationship was now with the pirate it also started like that. Wanna know how? Alright let me get comfortable in my bed and get started. Story TIIMMMEEEE!!!

· An island well known for their universities and scientist. An island full of top ranked doctors.

· Physics, chemistry, biology, astrology was well thaught in the schools of the island. An island well known around the world. An island ruled by a powerful devil fruit user.

· An island in which every civilian had a talent in another field. And you? You sadly had an impressive talent for languages.

· Why sadly you wonder? Well the amount of times you had to run for your dear life because some pirates could come and kidnap you and make you read the poneglyphs is immense.

· Once even the infamous Red haired Shanks came and asked you with the hope to have someone who could read them. But sadly you couldn´t. You told him that you were done with pirates coming for you or your best friends. You regretted learning all of that and hated yourself for that. Shanks and Beckman to whom your were talking to really felt bad for you and claimed the island as their territory after they had a chat with ruler and made a deal.

· That was that saved you and your friends for years and made you happy. You were thankful to the red hair pirates and always treated them with meals and drinks when they came visiting the island. You were happy for 5 years. 5 years until these stupid reckless pirates came.

· And now? Now you hated yourself all over again

· You knew that not every pirate was like the red hair pirates. Nice and respectful. They didn´t kill innocent people and destroyed civilizations only to get some gold and diamonds. But these? These were horrible. Cold and cruel.

· “Someone make this btch talk otherwise I´ll do it by cutting her into pieces only stropping when IT actually starts to answer my god damn questions!”, screamed a tall and guy with red hair.

· You were scared. Tied on a mast on their ship, you feared for your life. Screaming for help was not an option since you were already on the sea since a while now.

· The man that was yelling at you none stop was now holding a blond man with a mask at his collar and growling at him. The man might have a mask on but you somehow had the feeling that he was talking to the man with the red fur coat. “Clear the deck! NOW!!”; yelled the man before he left inside the ship. Slowly every man on deck was leaving you alone. You wanted to ask them were or why the left but you knew that they wouldn´t give you an answer. You were a prisoner. A captive. A pathetic human they took on board. With the last pirate leaving you behind, a door that was located behind the mast you were tied on closed while the need to cry grew inside of you. How long am I here by now? One hour? Two or three? Was anyone missing me back at home? Were they already looking for me? Thoughts that occupied your mind were blurring your vision. You were looking right in front of you but also not. Your eyes were wide open but your vision was back at home. Home were you belonged.

· “Hey. Hey can you hear me? Hey you alright, woman? Hello?”, a man was squatting in front of you and waving with his hands in front of your face. You were deeply lost in your thoughts that you neither heard him coming nor saw him sitting right in front of you.

· But the moment he touched you tight you screamed and got back to reality. “Please don´t touch me. Please don´t hurt me. Please I beg you. Please.”, fear was written all over your face. You saw yourself death with a huge puddle of your blood. “Alright I won´t touch you. It´s just that I´ve been sitting in front of you for 5 minutes now and the only thing you did was breath and say no. Anyways here is something to drink. You´ve been her for four hours now. Half of the time unconscious and the other one either basically mute or in a trance.”, the guy in front of you was the same one who got the mad man to leave and clear the deck. It made you wonder who he was that he had such a power but you didn´t dare to ask. “Here I hold it for you and you drink.”, the glass was put on your lips and you drank. You didn´t knew how thirsty you were until your lungs were wetted by the water. Finished drinking he put a blanket over your legs since the position your were in didn´t allow you to cover yourself properly. And the fact that you were wearing a dress wasn´t helping at all.

· “Alright. You had something to drink I got you a blanket now tell me are you able to talk to me and answer my questions?”, you nodded. “Good. Now listen to me. There is this language that is called Krisanasy. As far as I know there is a tiny amount of people who are able to speak that and you are one of these. Am I right?”, you nodded. “How well are you in it?”, you gulped and looked at the man with the mask “I know the most important basics. I remember basic grammar rules and a good amount of vocabulary but I´m not that good in it. I didn´t worked with anything that included this language since years now.”, the masked man nodded and fully sat down now. “Would you be able to get back in it if you had some books and scripts to work with?”, slowly you understood where this was supposed to lead. You knew that if you said yes they would keep you as their prisoner and make your work for them. And if they had everything they would kill you because there would be no more use for you. But if you said no now and refused to talk to him he would probably also kill you. You were in a dilemma. You didn´t wanted to die but also didn´t wanted to die after you helped them. They were criminals. Feared and hated by the government and any human around the world. You looked down on your lap and let your head fall forward so your long black hair covered your face. “Hey I asked you something. Would you be able to do that?”, his voice was deep and rough but in the same time soft and gentle. That irritated you. it make you realize that him being nice to you now was just a way to get under your skin and make you do whatever they wanted. And then they simply would kill you in the most brutal and cruel way. “Hey, woman. Are you listening?”, you felt helpless. “I don´t want to die. Please let me go. Please. I beg you. Please.”, tears were streaming down you cheeks you couldn´t hold back anymore. He came closer and lifted you face. “Listen here you are a smart woman. Stop crying for fcks sake. If I would be you I would have made these pirates work for me. Use your damn brain and stop crying. Do you really think anyone in here would kill you? Heck no! They need your help. They need your brain because all of them are basically stupid. Like damn I need you to answer all of my questions before my captain with anger issues comes and beats the sht out of me. Now answer me woman. Are you able to get back in it if we got you some scripts to work on?”, you nodded while more tears streamed down you cheeks. You felt pathetic. You felt worthless and used. Helping them would turn you into a criminal too and ruin everything you worked on. Everything the emperor did for you and the island would be wasted. “See wasn’t that hard to answer.”

· The questioning went on for a while you didn´t know for how long but you knew that a long time passed since the sun stared to set. “Alright. Now I give you two options. One, stay here. Tied up on the mast no matter what kind of weather we face. Two you swear to obey me no matter what kind of order I give you and you will be able to sleep on a bed. You will get food and tomorrow you will start working on the scripts we give you. You choose.”, with your head hung lowly you said number two and instantly got released from the chains and handcuffs. He helped you stand up and covered you in the blanket before he led you into his cabin. “Wait here. Sit there and don´t do anything stupid as long as I´m not here. If you do anything stupid I won´t be able to help you. Got it?”, he didn´t even wait until you answered or gave any reaction he simply left and closed the door after him. So you waited while sitting with a lowly hung head. Minutes passed and he came back. “Your clothes are dirty. The bathroom is empty so you can take a bath or shower. Anything you want but I´ll be in the room with you. Because of one I have to make sure no one is coming in and secondly to watch over you and make sure you don´t do anything stupid. Got it. Fine. Take this towel and these clothes. We don´t have any female crewmates so you have to be wearing with my clothes until we dock on another island and you get to buy clothes.”

· The man with the mask took care of you for the rest of the day. He took you to shower and gave you fresh clothes. You had dinner with him alone in the kitchen when no one was around and got back to sleep. And no matter what you did he made sure to keep a respectful distance towards you. Whenever he had to come closer or touch you to take care of your wounds he would warn you. The day kept going like that. Nothing else was said about the following days and the thing they wanted you for. Only necessary things were said that were needed at the moment. And you only gave short replays or only answered with a head movement.

· Slowly the day passed by and the night took over with the moon putting the world alight. You were back in his cabin with him sitting on an armchair and you lying in bed sleeping with one hand tied up on the bed.

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queen-of-meows · 2 years ago

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Wow, look how far this post went from the original point XD.

I (mostly) agree with you. Maybe I’m a bit more strict than you when it comes to 14 years old posting fics on line ^^. I’m just worried about minors being active on the Internet. I certainly wrote messed up things as a teen, and I am so happy they never left my secret stash under the bed ^^.

In the end, I am not a pro-shipper, neither an anti-shipper, but a third secret thing (someone who hates absolute thinking).

I tend to think everyone is responsible of what they do in public spaces, whether they’re a best seller author or a random Twitter user (obviously one has far more power than the other). That doesn’t mean we have to cancel poeple at the smallest error. We all make mistakes, sometimes we repeat a joke without realising it is insensitive. Sometimes we make a headcanon that sounded cool, but is accidentally a stereotype... Our past selves knew less and our future selves will know better.

But when it comes to dark topics in media, anti rethoric can do much more harm than good. Lots of poeple use dark media as a coping mechanism. Or sometimes poeple don’t realise they have trauma or a mental illness, and a dark, even problematic piece of media makes something click in their head. If they are repeated over and over they are a bad person for obsessing over a piece of media, it will only add more shame and trauma, and force them back in the dark. Sometimes media has the power to open eyes, and years after, after recovery, you look back and think “oh, that’s why I was so obsessed with this character”. And since you will never know the full history of the person behind the screen (or even IRL), it’s better to be careful with hasty judgment.

Another thing that really worries me is the current tendancy to ask for hyper sanitized media. I love Steven Universe. This show has some flaws, sometimes it deals with topics too dark for its genre, and it can be a bit awkward and insensitive. But I will always admire how the writers never shyied away from realistic, messy situations. Traumatized characters sometimes act in a shitty way because it’s what mental health issues do, and bad situations don’t always have a rosy resolutions. It’s rare a piece of media tells you your life doesn’t have to be perfect and it’s ok if you don’t get over your trauma. Real life is messy and difficulties don’t get resolved by a last minute plot twist.

And I think it’s time to come full circle and talk about Sylvie and Loki. I’ve seen poeple arguing about their final confrontations, taking one side or another, calling Sylvie toxic for resisting to Loki, or Loki stubborn for resisting to Sylvie. Or poeple calling the scene itself toxic and abusive. Which worries me a lot.

In real life, conflict is unavoidable. And unless you curate your life to the smallest, non-diverse, echo chamber, there will always be a conflict at some point. Not everyone will agree with every single point of your politics or worldview. That’s not how it works. And then ? If you can’t make someone agree with you, will you abandon your own convictions so there is no conflict anymore ?

Trying to avoid all conflict is dangerous, because is will always lead to silencing others or silencing yourself. Sometimes, you have to hold tight to your values and let go of the idea of convincing the person you love. And if the divergence of opinion is too important, to take your distance. That’s the healthy way to deal with conflict. Sylvie made a mistake, but holding to her convictions and taking her distances with Loki was the right thing to do.

To make it short, I think we all have a responsibility in what media we engage with and how we talk about it online, but what matters is how we treat poeple. That includes being careful about how we act in fandom spaces.

And yeah, anime is on another level ^^.

It’s funny that, before Sylvie was even properly introduced in the show, she was set up as a Loki variant - you know, Loki, the guy who was a villain of three movies - and somehow people think it’s upsetting that she turns out to have villainous qualities. “Why did she have to kill her fellow variants when she could have tried to free them and join them in a revolution against the TVA?”, I don’t know Becky, why did Loki have to try and commit genocide against his fellow jotunns when he found out he was their stolen prince, instead of joining them against Odin’s imperialism? Why Loki taking out his self esteem issues on a failed attempt to conquer a planet full of innocent people who did nothing to him make him a complex and tormented villain, but Sylvie killing officers who were actively trying to harm her make her a heartless bitch?

It’s literally a theme point that Loki feels connected to Sylvie because her lust for vengeance at all costs reminds him of himself in his villain days (“I’ve been where you are”), but people somehow insist that her anger and cruelty are meant to be seen as positive or heroic, or justified, when the narrative is clearly highlighting them as moral flaws that are weighting her down and that she must put behind her. Not to mention that her arc is not done yet, and we already see the regret creeping onto her when she weeps on the floor after killing He Who Remains.

Loki stans will write walls on meta on how even smallest things about his life, like a brief passage of Heimdall being casually rude to him, or how Volstagg being casually dismissive of him, of even Sif’s brief side eye to him, equals to terrible abuse that explains how he became the bitter villain that he’s turned into. But Sylvie having her reality erased as a child because the equivalent to God Himself has deemed that her very existence was crime against Creation, which forced her to live on the run jumping from one mass death event after the other, seeing everyone she’s ever known being fated to die soon, while she’s hunted down like a dog, is something she should just get over. And that would totally not explain how she became so hardened and angry. Right.

Bottom line: moral ambiguity is for male characters only, women are not allowed to have moral flaws to grow out of, and if Sylvie has a male variant played by Hiddles himself her haters would be fawning over him as their new wobbie villain.

#long past #that post is longer than the color of the sky

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cosmiclatte28 · 4 years ago

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Tenalice #smut (Ten(alice) x you) 🔞

When your boyfriend decides to try on his Halloween costume again, he never expects you to come in from that door and mutters a curse before seeing your eyes changed. He saw the fire in your eyes and Ten knows, tonight will be a long ass ride for him, or maybe you ?

Warning : basically a pw(ith(out))plot. Naughty!Tenalice, you taking control, him teasing you too, steamy photographic session, more teasing and flirting... and a lot of sweet naughty talks. A plot twist too! Smut do not proceed if you're not old enough.... this is my messy brain doing its job to disturb me

Here's a naughty!Tenalice because my wild imagination cannot stop thinking about Tenalice. (Istg i am in my final weeks and this plot is stuck in my head)

You never expect this day to come, a day where you are super tired from work. Your boss has been shitty about your work, she has you redone all the proposals for a photoshoot, and you can't hold yourself back when you saw the notification from YouTube about your boyfriend's group costume party. To be precise princess costume party. You caught a glimpse of Ten dressing up as Alice and fuck he's hot. For the sake of your wellbeing, you do not watch the video in the office and choose to watch it later at home. But things are way better. You got home at night super drained and annoyed that all you want to do is jump into the hot shower and sleep. You can already feel the fluffy feeling of the big bed when you take the elevator to your house.

Once the door opens, you're greeted with a pair of shoes. You smile when you know Ten is already homed. Slowly you step into the kitchen to wash your hands, but he is not there. You check the living room and still there's no sign of him. You hear a soft giggle from your room and your ears perk. Without noise, you turn the knob to your room and what a beautiful scene lays before your eyes.

“Fuck-“

Ten gasps and turns his body around from facing the big body mirror you installed in your room to see you. His hands cover his face when he caught your jaw hanging upon seeing him fully dressed in his Alice costume. The tiredness in your body disappeared (as if it's never there) when you see just how perfect Ten looks like in that tiny costume. His long legs are covered in a thigh high black and white striped stocking, the typical blue and white dress hugs his waist perfectly and his golden wig completes his pretty character. You gulp feeling heat rushing over your body and a smirk come to your face when Ten acts all shy being busted.

"Oh sorry didn't know you're here," you pretended to look around. Ten pulls his hands away from his face and cross his hands over his chest.

"No problem, I didn't hear you coming in." He shyly stares into the ground.

You step into the room and close the door, taking your body to stand in front of him. "You look pretty! Super pretty," you bite your lips as you force his body to spin so you can eye him from all angle. Ten blushes for he secretly likes it, but pretends he is annoyed. "Aish what are you saying," he pouts, and you shoot him a look "look at you," you force him to face the mirror. "Just look... can Alice look this pretty and tempting?" You whisper next to his ears.

Ten shudders at your words. "I was just trying it back because the fans are wilding over the video... and i just want to see if I really look like the video." He tries to make an alibi. Your eyes scan the room and you caught your lights for taking pictures on, you also see a tiny bit of mess there he has on your make up table and you try your best to hide your laugh.

"I think you're doing more than that honey, you're planning to... take a photo I guess?" You walk to your cabinet and take out your camera. It's been a while, you enjoy photography (duhh it's your job) and Ten has been a great model for your clothing blog, but maybe just this one time you can try to take cute pictures of him in this tempting little Alice dress.

Ten was about to peel off the costume if not for your scream of "Wait!" He pauses and shoots you a questioning look. "Since you're in that already, why don't you be good for me and be my muse for tonight?" You already set up your camera and lights. He stutters, wow Ten lee stutters before you is something rare, "If that's what you want, then I guess I cannot object." You kiss him quick appreciating how cooperative he is.

"May I?" You ask before polishing his face with some powder and a blush. He nods and just closes his eyes, allowing you to paint faint colors on his glass skin. And with the last stroke of lip gloss, and him smacking his lips... you really need to hold yourself back before wrecking him.

"How do you want me to pose?" He asks but rather in a shy way like this is his first photo session with you. You smirk, "Oh Ten you do know how to tease me don't you?" He just ignores you and once you bring up your camera to your eye, he's no longer Ten. He's the shy but playful yet daring Tenalice.

You really have to hold yourself back when he poses professionally on his knees and his acting is not kidding. "Oh gosh Ten you look so..." you bite your lips unable to continue speaking when he changes his pose again and even to a more daring position. He smirks over his golden hair and bites his lips when your camera happens to focus on his upper body only and damn you will print these pictures and make an album out of it.

This photo session starts with an innocent pose and as your clicks go on, Ten becomes more bolder. He's almost making you scream stop because you can feel the pool in your panties. You lost your cool when he suggests you to be bolder in taking the pics.

"Honey what about we make this a catalogue for your side blog," he suddenly sounds naughty and challenging.

"What side blog?"

"Oh you know the one for adults," he shrugs his shoulder.

You shake your head "I don't have any side blogs. What do you mean?" He stands up from the floor, walks to the bed and with one spin that causes a sliver of his thigh comes into light, he plops himself down on the fluffy mattress. He sits down on the bed, on his knees and suddenly opens them just enough for you to see his lace underwear covering his hardness.

Your grip tightens on your camera and you shake your head "Am I hearing things?" He takes your arm and pulls you to sit on the edge of the bed, carefully he runs a hand over your back, "No you hear me right. You can just not include my face in my pics right? A back picture or just from the torso downward?"

You close your eyes and cup his face "Are you trying to tell me you're into semi-exhibitionism now?" He shyly runs his finger on your arm, "Whatever you call it, I just don't want my effort in wearing this costume ends in vain." You put your camera on the side and think for a while, well you can always take the pictures and never post them, right? You don't really like sharing the view of your boyfriend to random horny internet users, moreover what will his career be if the world finds out he has a catalogue of that naughty Alice pictures posted by his girlfriend?!

"Honey" his voice lures you in, "we don't have to post them... take a picture for me?" He asks in that sweet pleading voice you can never say no to. With that, your smirk reappears on your face and your hand runs along his stocking up to his thigh and with one whack on his ass you peck him "You asked for it, don't be shy when I ask you to do more, I am taking control of you tonight." Ten hides a smirk, deep inside his heart he knows you won’t ever win a game in taking control and he’ll proof it again tonight.

He almost squeal like a happy teenage girl, but his excitement doesn't allow him. You tie your hair up and change first into a comfortable shorts and tees, your working outfit was drenched in sweat too gosh you cannot handle the heat he radiates. "Have you ever worked with a project like this?" Ten asks after you get your cameras ready again. You shake your head, "I did an underwear photoshoot once for Lay and gosh I cannot take any job like that again..." you blush when you remember how it affects your concentration for weeks since you also have to do the editing.

Ten bounces on his knees "Ehem your boyfriend is here can we just finish this faster," he whines and you nod "Okay okay.. impatient, aren't we? Now pose and act like I’m not here."

With each naughty pose he strikes you can see him also struggling to keep his face straight and you're starting to squirm too. "Um Ten," you take out your camera from your neck and turn it off then keep it away on the table. You can no longer take his game, no he's toying on you and shouldn't you be the one toying him?!

"Oh you're done?" He suddenly turns his head to look at you from his shoulder. Well for the last one he was showing his back and posing for you, that's when you decided you cannot do more. You dip into the mattress and straddle Tenalice under you. He brushes his bangs away from his eyes and holds your waist in place. Gently your finger traces his arms down to his stone abs and to his thigh, carefully you pull up his skirt aside and without breaking eye contact, your fingers found the texture of the lace panties and Ten gasps a low moan.

You snigger, “Oops,” and slip your palm to grab his member. He whimpers when you tease him.

“Oh don’t tease me,” he exhales when you’re just touching his tip.

You shrug your shoulder, did not minister him at all just loosely grab them, feel yourself on his thigh and Tenalice brings himself to kiss you. He grasps your hand and takes it away from his aching member, “Baby if you’re only going to tease me, you better stop. You wake up the beast.”

In a second, Ten flips you on your back and latches his lips into yours. This time, he’s the one who takes control, “You’ve teased me now It’s my time to teach you a lesson honey.” His voice is still his honey Tenalice voice, but you know better not to talk back at him, not when the fire in his eyes is the same glint you got on the other hard nights.

“For your information Tenalice, you are the one teasing me. Don’t you have a great time posing for me for the cam and oh you’re going wild when you saw me squirm,” you talked back, though you know you shouldn’t.

Ten laughs, “That is the whole point honey, to make you think you’re teasing me but actually I am the one playing you. Look at you,” his palm ghost over your cheek, down to your chest over the valley to the aching wet pleasure bundle in you. You stifle your moan and bite your lips, your eyes close automatically when he gently flicks over the swollen bud. Ten giggles and kisses your neck, he bites and sucks on you. “You’re so pliant for me, so wet, so ready.”

You shake your head; this isn’t supposed to happen. You were thinking of taking control but look at you already devastated by seeing him in his Alice character and you’re once again under him. You toss your mind aside, winning can come next time, now the only thing you need is pleasure.

“You’re losing little bunny,” he smirks when he slips one of his long fingers into you and you’re already stuffing your hand over your lips. “Look at my white rabbit losing to Alice, just let go honey. I want to hear your voice.” He adds one more and thrusts into you quickly.

You pull his head for a deep kiss and with that, Ten knows he successfully tease you, makes you lose your mind and he knows you will find a way to win over him, but that is the whole point of doing this. He planned to tease you and make you lose.

“Ten,” you plead when he takes out his fingers when you’re super close to your ecstasy. Your pretty boyfriend gently rubs your back, “Why?” he pulls you up into his lap and you’re already whimpering when his hardness touches you. He wants you to say the word, to admit you lose but you’re finding it hard to say the word, not when he’s teasing you and staring you with his innocent eyes.

“Say it honey, I cannot read minds. Alice needs you to use your words.” He brushes your hair away from your face and your eyes are already teary. Your gaze was hazy and your head cannot think of anything else.

You take a deep breathe and gaps when Ten’s cold hand reaches your nape, you close your eyes and finally admit it.

“I lost, please just finish what you started,” you open your eyes to meet his dark eyes and a very small smirk comes from his mouth, “As you wish honey, just enjoy your ride. Tenalice is here to satisfy your fantasy.”

You blush, did he actually find out you like seeing him cross dressing, you swear if this is what you get and how he looks every time he wears a costume, you’ll buy him more dresses and number one list will be a maid dress. No question.

“Tell me do you love Ten or Tenalice more?” he asks once the two of you have finished a long ride. In the dark room, filled with sweat and reeks of love shots, you cuddle into your boyfriend’s chest. His costume is already gone on the floor along with yours and his wigs. He kept it on for a while, but ends up getting out of it in the end.

You hum for a while and while tracing random circles over his body you whisper, “I might need to see the other personalities too, but Tenalice is on my favorite list after Ten Lee,”

He chuckles ang hugs you closer, “Did I make too much bites?”

You shake your head, “I don’t mind, isn’t that a good thing people knows I belong to you? I’m quite surprised Alice likes to bite. Is she a vampire now?”

Ten laughs and just pulls you into another deeper kiss, “I love you, thank you for making this possible.”

You smile, “So, do we print out your pictures and sell them online?”

He smacks your ass and you whine “Were you trying to make use of the property that only you can see?”

You hit him back, “You were the one asking for it first.”

He ruffles your hair, “It was the air.”

You snicker, “Don’t be surprised if one day they are on the web.”

“I won’t be surprised. Besides I have a lot of your pics too, might even expose you honey. Eye for an eye” he winks and pulls the sheet to cover your two entangled bare bodies.

“I’m sleepy but I want to shower,” you yawn. Ten kisses you nose, “Sleep first, I’ll wake you up for shower later.”

“Love you Ten and Tenalice,” you mumble.

Good night, I am sorry if this sucks, but I cannot keep this in my head. I have to write it down and might as well share it ;)

Thank you for reaching this part, please tell me if you like this or if I am just being weird for having this in my head.

credits to the owner of the collage and the text those are not mine

story does belong to me :p

head up to masterlist and check out more Ten steamy smut scenarios, all of my Ten imagine are somehow steamy :)

thank you and enjoy your time with tenalice!

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percabethfeelsfandom · 4 years ago

Text

Headcanons: Percy and Annabeth as Tik Tokers Part 3

Part 1

Part 2

I never mentioned what Percy and Annabeth’s users would be. Annabethchase1207 + perSEAus

- Annabeth would have a really basic username because she made the account ironically hence why it’s just her name and birthday

- Percy definitely would make a joke out of his user so that’s my take on it

Back in Cali, Annabeth’s friends are literally about to riot because they aren’t there live to witness percabeth happening

(They’re all avid tik tok users and they’ve started a house/tik tok group called Olympus because Piper did a series where she turned all her friends into different greek gods/goddeses )

Leo makes tik toks about making little inventions/DIYs that are actually useful but his viral video/series was him making his own Iron Man suit, he also does random rants and skits that are half in English half in Spanish because he’s so exasperated at the stupidity of people (Piper turned him into Hephaestus)

Jason doesn’t post as frequently on tik tok but he’s made a handful of his sporting highlights and trick shots he’s done over the years as a prodigy sports kid. Prior to piper’s request he also has done Pov’s with her. His viral tik tok is of him with a staff and doing cool transitions with it as he spins It (imagine him spinning it normally and he’s wearing normal training clothes and then the next spin, he’s in like a suit and the lights go all low and shit and his eyes glow blue) (Piper turns him into Zeus, but she also turns him into Apollo at one point so he can match Thalia)

Thalia owns punk/goth lesbian tik tok. She’s a pioneer in the LGBTQ+ tik tok community. Going on rants shutting down men who have the audacity. She cosplays as well, and her history in archery means people are always asking her to cosplay as Katniss. She’s always changing her hair colour like every month, but right now It’s a dark blue that looks almost black. as annabeth’s best friend she is also a frequent in annabeth’s tik toks, but only to provide sarcastic commentary. You can also find her lurking on Percy’s comment section providing feedback on his skateboarding tricks (you bet that these two have been DMing back and forth) (piper turns her into Artemis) (Thalia’s girlfriend Reyna is also a frequent appearance in her tik toks, and you can see just how easily Thalia melts in front of the camera when Reyna’s there, it’s so sweet it could give you a toothache)

Last not not least miss Piper Mclean, daughter of the ever famous Tristan mclean, but manages to make a name for herself by being so amazingly talented as a stylist, makeup artist, and editor. She’s worked with so many famous youtubers and photographers. She makes her tik tok as a place for her to just shut her brain off but it becomes a super easy comfort escape where she can trial some new makeup looks, and new fashion pieces, and POVs (shoutout to @ myangels.percabeth on insta for commenting this on my instagram) while also showing people how to thrift in LA and do fun photoshoots at home, a queen of self care, and body positivity (she transforms herself into Aphrodite but makes it this huge collaboration with tons of different artists on the app so with each makeup transition it’s a different person because aphrodite can look like anyone…like it starts with piper putting on foundation she turns her head and it’s someone else putting on blush etc. and finishes off with piper again and winking at the camera in full greek goddess glam)

(piper also transforms Annabeth into Athena and Percy comments on it with 👁👄👁)

When Annabeth and Percy re-emerge from the library and make it back to the hotel she’s staying at they finally check their phones and see that they’ve gone viral (again)

They decide not to address the rumours because, it’s not the internets business’ to know (AS IT SHOULD BE)

They spend that week almost completely absent from social media because they want to have something that is just completely theirs. (But there are two posts worth noting, one on annabeth’s infrequently used instagram of someone’s (Percy’s) silhouette and the New York skyline the night before she leaves and a picture of Percy’s pinky wrapped around someones (annabeths) pinky on his stories that is deleted after an hour (but not before the entire internet finds it and it becomes the new standard of what people want in their relationship) (I can already see the tweets #goals finD mE a MaN tHAt hoLDS mY piNKY)

Eventually Annabeth has to go back to cali and percy stays in NY

They exchange their goodbyes between short kisses, promises to FaceTime each other soon and promises of building something permanent

They begin a secret (not so secret) relationship long distance

They continue duetting each other’s videos and mentioning each other offhandedly in their tik toks

Percy starts a YouTube channel and his first video is a proper vlog of his and annabeth’s adventures together

(It’s a sweet 1 month anniversary gift to her but only they know that)

Annabeth starts to post less and less on her tik tok because of school (at least that’s what she tells her followers but really she’s losing touch with her love of the internet because of how intrusive it is and also she’s trying to heal her relationship with her family so that’s taking all her energy. She leaves the Olympus house but keeps in touch with them (obviously, she grew up with them so that’s a no brainer)

Once she’s posting less, people begin to (finally) lose interest in percabeth so that they can live their life. Percy keeps posting his usual videos but he’s starting to get caught up with YouTube, and starts getting some amazing brand deals and he uses it all to help get his family a house that is their own, (“Surprising my amazing mom with her dream house”)

On Annabeth’s birthday the next year percy surprises her at cali and the rumours about them start up as she appears more in his socials and vice versa

One thing leads to another and they accidentally out their relationship when annabeth’s phone is in the background of Percy’s (“surprising my best friend in California”) video and there’s a picture of percy kissing her cheek in a coupley way as her wallpaper

They take it in stride rather than denying (because why would they) and say yeah we’ve been dating lol, we’ve been dating for a while now

And on some internet awards show they win couple of the year

Because that’s what percabeth deserves

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