#so time will tell if im able to get out of bed

[invisible-brandy]

im gonna re: my own tags from a personal post and talk about spock at the academy utilising their kitchen like an actual person who can cook while most students eat instant noodles and synthesized food (or go out to eat - but that's expensive).

and kirk (who absolutely can not cook for shit at that age yet) smells something delicious and like a cartoon character follows that smell into the kitchen, expecting to find someone who brought in some take out, but instead it's spock quietly talking shit about the cheap pots and pans they have in there. is it illogical to talk to himself? sure. will he still do it? also sure, probably partially in vulcan too because he misses it wants to stay comfortable in his use of it. and for a few minutes jim just stands in the hallway, staring at this vulcan–their only vulcan, in fact, so he knows who he is–and he'd stand there longer admiring spock's beauty if his stomach didn't growl like it's trying to invite itself to dinner and that alerts spock and he's just standing there with a spoon in his hands awkwardly, posture like a question mark and a little red in the cheeks because of the steam from the pots.

of course jim gets to share the meal with him. and THEN amanda sends spock more cooking utensils, because spock of course in his letter (god i think spock would like hand written letters) or on their videochat says that the ones they have in the communal kitchen are trash and "it affected the quality of my meal and my dignity, mother" and amanda gets all perky eared like "your dignity? why, son, do tell me?" "im afraid ive put shame on your family recipe when i shared the meal i cooked with a human from my course."

amanda would absolutely want her baby to make friends through cooking them meals. AND and and

mccoy would also be one of the few people who can actually cook, but he's a terrible night owl, so for a bit they don't cross paths.

then, exam season hits and suddenly jim is in the kitchen at 2 am, sitting on the counter, feet swinging in the air, and he's still trying to convince spock to actually make them a meal (spock is in pajamas because he refuses to stay up too late to study "you're supposed to do during the day time, jim", but he's actually also been lying in bed and reciting material in his head because he is very illogically anxious before their first exam. he's starting to suspect some heart disease bc his heart wont calm down, but its actually just anxiety. kirk tells him that eventually). spock keeps trying to insist on something lighter, just a snack, and then bones comes in and shooes jim away from the counter so he can cook.

and spock and bones could later have joking (but with serious vibes) competitions for who can cook a meal that jim likes best (even going as far as to make the same meal and present it anonymously to jim. jim is both stressed and very happy and well fed) and of course they'd end up hanging out together outside of the communal kitchen too.

bones wouldn't be able to keep jim from perching up on top of kitchen counters or his desk, or really anywhere that he finds comfortable or sometimes even uncomfortable if it's at least a convenient place to sit and flirt with either bones or spock.

spock would get more packages from amanda and somehow they'd all end up going to the post office ("it's not that big of a package to need two humans and a vulcan to carry it, it's only some herbs" "spock, you are clearly yet to understand mothers. there are not gonna be only some herbs") and carrying the surprisingly giant box back under sudden rain. mccoy would either get splashed or just not be dressed for the weather and spock would lend him his jacket and it would be super warm and mccoy who always grows cold would kinda want to hoard it for himself, but he'd feel bad that first time.

not the next time though. they'd go out to the town and jim and bones would be drinking while spock would be trying to figure out if he likes bars or nightlife in general and bones would complain dramatically that he's cold and spock would of course lend him his jacket. spock would never see that jaket again, it's mccoy's now. (both because it's really warm and because it smells like spock)

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

ok now speaking of dreams, i just had one where i took Gabriel shopping and he was wearing that one dress like in the New Blood 10th anniversary art. he really liked nail polish and i just stood there as he tried on all 1628499302 samples available

This is just my (possibly weird? Or is it common idk) head canon that he doesn’t have nails so I’m just imagining that he’s drenched in paint

Help

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[pink-lemonadefairy]

[kingprinceleo]

Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me

[spacejammie-eimmajecaps]

This has not been my week

[spitblaze]

because i am always always ALWAYS anxious that someone is gonna interpret something i say in bad faith i made that anti-transmasculinity post bc there was a minute or two on tumblr and twitter where trans men were the Embarassing Cringe Queers Du Jour and people were like 'lol trans men dont even face any sort of discrimination outside of garden variety transphobia' which is patently fuckin untrue and im very tired of being called a 'pussy' and a 'whiner' because people do not take me seriously as a man unless its to claim im a predator or violent so. theres that

[sevenyeargap]

.

[tinylittlebab]

2/10/23

goal: 1000 / total: 821 / extra burned: 100 / net: 720 / weight: 94.5

disappointed in this. wouldve been less but i kinda blanked while eating goldfish and forgot to count them out bc i was too busy sorting them. oops. well its not that bad. i didnt end up getting to do my usual stuff so the day was very hard. i had planned to wait to eat till later or not at all but around 8pm i started feeling very ill and shakey so i decided to eat. unfortunate but whatever.

mad at myself for being hungry this morning since i had over 800 yesterday. my body is so pathetic. i fed it so much yesterday but even still.

[this-doesnt-endd]

I feel like my crown just shifted up oh my god

[sunshinereddie]

rr

[sassy-assassin]

Buddy Daddies episode 12 WAS SO GOOD WTF IM SOBBING I CANT EVEN WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL FAMILY. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!

Spoilers (and my unhinged thoughts) in the tags just fyi

[mieltelecheycrema]

confession done that was so easy (covered in sweat and took two days)

[talkorsomething]

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

[im-a-freaking-joy]

AUGPIGJFJAHD maybe I'm just a pessimist but everytime a class makes me learn about and "develop" a growth mindset and perseverance and in this specific case, "grit" I lose my mind

[itgetzweird08]

Part one

“..go out with me”

Your breathing hitched, indicating that you hadn’t been asleep all this time. You turned to face him then, flipping on your side in his bed to get a better look at his face. Even in the dark you could see the strong outline of his jaw and his messy blonde hair. He stared up at the ceiling, his hands behind his head, and shrugged. “I mean, why not? We’re practically dating anyways” he followed up, vermillion eyes glancing down at you. “Any reason you’re asking me this now?” You whispered, moving slowly as you shifted closer to place your head on his chest.

This time, his breath stuttered.

Moving slowly, as if you were a flighty deer ready to run at any moment, he moved his hand from behind his head to on top of yours. His fingers gently played in your hair. He breathed a shaky breath, completely stripped of his usual hard shell. He was completely vulnerable to you in this moment. “When I was lying there on the battlefield..all I could think about was your stupid face.” He grimaced, stiffening a bit at the memory. You placed a hand on his chest, tracing circles with your thumb. He exhaled with a shaky breath. “I was bleeding out, all these fucking holes in me, and one of the only things I could think of was how angry I was at myself for not being able to man up and ask you out properly. I waited too long and everything’s a mess now. The city is a fucking wreck, we’re on lockdown..and I had a whole plan too. I was gonna take you to that noodle shop you like with the stupid name. And now I can’t, because it’s too late and now I might fucking die before I ever got the chance-“

You pressed a soft kiss to the new scar that peaked out from his black tank top, causing his words to get stuck in his throat.

“Take a breath..” you told him softly. He obeyed, breathing in air and blowing out his tension.

“It’s okay, B. You’re okay. I was mad too. I was so mad at myself for not being able to protect you when you got hurt, not being able to move a little bit faster and push you out of the way. I was mad that you might die before I got the chance to tell you how much I like you..” he smirked at your words, smug covering up his giddiness. “You like me?” You scoffed, rolling your eyes and moving to shift away from him out of feigned annoyance. But he wrapped an arm around you waist and pulled you closer.

“I like you too nerd…a fuckton”

You couldn’t help but smile, sinking deeper into his hold as you breathed him in. And for a moment, you felt untouchable in here. Despite the looming threat of war, the scorching flames of the world outside, you were safe in his arms. You wished you could stay like this forever. A yawn left you as your eyes began to droop, and time seemed to come to a slow stop.

It was silent for a moment, as you both began to drift off before a question came into your mind. Despite your drowsy state, you couldn’t help but smile as you asked

“…so if you like me, does that mean you’ll admit that Oodles of Noodles is a fantastic name for a noodle shop-“

“Go to sleep, shithead.”

——————

Ps: im starting to do requests! So if you have an idea for me, go ahead and put it in my asks <3