#so time will tell if im able to get out of bed
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esotericbluntbaby · 1 day ago
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compensation
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hamzahthefantastic x reader
description: going against your wishes, your boyfriend decides to fight another match after spraining his wrist the last time he boxed. injured, he returns home to his girlfriend, who can't help but feel more than just "angry."
mentions: boxer!hamzah, bf!hamzah, angsttt, female reader, sub! hamzah, blood, bruises, nsfw!
GUYS IM SORRY I FORGOT TO POST THIS PLS DONT KILL ME
--
this was the first time that hamzah kept you in the dark, betraying your trust in him.
he was always a strong-willed, passionate boy; in fact, it was one of the things you found attractive in him. he kickstarted his youtube with his resilience and determination. giving up was simply not an option for him; one way or another, plan after plan, he'd get his goal even if it meant he had to cut off his limbs and sell them. if hamzah wanted something, he would get it, similar to a horse kicking whenever it's being restrained. though, normally, he knew when to stop pushing, especially when the cost was more than the benefit.
the last time hamzah boxed, his wrist fractured like a 6 year old cracks a wishbone. you, obviously, knew that getting hurt was apart of his hobby; you didn't like it, but you accepted that it was inevitable for some part of him to be banged up and broken. he allowed you to stay in the hospital with him during the time he was getting monitored, meaning that you were allowed to hear the doctor tell him that he had to wait 6 weeks to box again.
during the hospital visit, hamzah realized he had a match in exactly 5 weeks. you argued with him, telling him that there would be no way in hell that he'd be able to box until his wrist is fixed. of course, being as stubborn as a mule, hamzah argued back that he had to fight if his life depended on it. eventually, the night settled in as you laid in bed together that night, cuddling; he told you that you were right. reassuring you that he wouldn't be fighting, he kissed you goodnight. you thought you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
that was, until tonight, an hour after the match: when hamzah walked in the front door, bloody and bruised.
his eye began to swell, darkening around the indents of his skull. the black eye that adorned his face was accompanied by a deep gash that exposed the layer beneath his skin. he looked at you with guilt plastered in his banged up face, furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips being muted by the extent of his injuries. you didn't have to guess where he was: you felt betrayed by the fact that you knew exactly what he went out to do. alongside his injuries and deception, came a girlfriend who wasn't going to speak to him.
--
not a single word was said when you grabbed his other wrist and walked to the bathroom with him; the room was filled with silence and guilt radiating off of him. he was currently sitting on the toilet seat as you rummaged around the medicine cabinet for materials that would help you fix his wounds. though you were upset, you weren't going to leave him to tend to his own injuries; you were still his girlfriend, after all. sitting on the floor, you grabbed his wrist to check how worsened it became.
"baby-"
"no, hamzah."
from your previous arguments, you knew that hamzah has a habit of overloading you with pet names. he knew he fucked up; you know he fucked up. him starting his sentence with "baby" helped you realize that he knew he's in the doghouse.
taking the textured, cotton gauze, you began to wrap his wrist with a softness that foiled your emotions towards him. you felt his eyes trained on you like the aimbot of a video game; his gazed fixated on every single movement you made. he noticed the way that you still looked so pretty even when you were mad at him. the way your face looked, tensed and full of agitation, created a pool of guilt that he swam in. he hated making you upset, but he simply needed to box. it was passion. it was commitment. he had to do it; at least, that's what he was telling himself. however, no matter how much he told himself that he had to fight, he knew it was wrong of him to go against your wishes and back. he knew you wanted the best for him and his physical being.
"i'm sorry. i shouldn't have gone tonight. i was being stupid and i shouldn't have went behind your back like that."
you listened to him apologize, yet, didn't respond. in fact, you didn't even look at him. there was no acknowledgement of his apology; it was almost like it never even happened in the first place. he needed to know how truly upset you were. instead, you focused on wrapping his wrist with a second layer of gauze, to keep everything in place.
"baby, please. just talk to me- i don't care if you cuss me out or give me hell for betraying you like that, just- please talk to me," his mannerisms were tense and rushed, "how do i fix this? how do i get you to speak to me? i'll do anything- i swear- you want me to quit boxing completely? i will. you want me to do all the housework in this house? i will- i'll do every single chore. shit, if even just sitting in a corner for days with no food or water would get you to speak to me, i'd do that. please, baby- please."
you finished wrapping the gauze by the time he finished his speech about what he'd do to get you to speak to him. you began to touch his face, examining the bruise on his eye and cheekbone like a scientist looking through a microscope. suddenly, he grabbed you by the cheek, forcing you to look up at him.
"i'm sorry. please, just speak to me. i'll do anything. talk to me. i just wanna hear your voice."
listening to him yearn for your voice made you feel a certain type of way. yes, you were mad. however, in a way, this whole situation was turning you on. you hated to admit it, but your boyfriend looked attractive with a black eye and bruised cheekbone. the fact that he was begging for you to speak to him made the sexual tension you were feeling within you even worse. his submissive side was creating a potion of ecstasy in your stomach; you wanted to see how far he'd go.
you sighed, "i don't know anymore, hamzah. you told me you wouldn't. i trust you less."
"i know, pretty, i'm sorry. i'll earn it back, i promise. i shouldn't have gone tonight. i was being an idiot."
standing up as his face followed where your eyes were, you rubbed it against his open wound, earning a wince from him as he gripped onto your waist. butterflies emerged in your stomach, causing you to feel similar to how light a fairy is.
"thanks for the warning," he said with sarcasm and irritation laced in his voice, opening his eyes from the hard shut he indulged in
"you don't deserve one."
he pulled you onto his lap, causing you to straddle him on the toilet seat. taking your cheeks, he cupped your face in his hands and sighed. he looked at you with a level of submissiveness you haven't seen in him. normally, hamzah was the dominant one; yet, you didn't mind that the roles switched.
"what can i do to get you to not be mad at me?"
"i dunno. you're a smart boy," you grabbed his cheek and stroked it with your thumb, "figure it out, baby."
you saw a lightbulb flicker on in his eyes. he sensed the tension in the room wasn't only angry, but there was also sexual tension in its silver lining.
"you want me to make it up to you?"
you leaned towards his ear, now whispering, "how are you gonna do that, hamzah?"
you felt something poke at your ass from beneath you, a slight twitch emerging from it too. your words made him as hard as a rock.
that's so fucking hot.
"baby, i thought you were mad at me."
"oh, i am. trust me, i'm fucking pissed."
he kissed you on the cheek, "i'm sorry."
he kissed you on the jawline, "i'm sorry."
he kissed you on the lips, "i'm sorry."
moving down to your neck, he kissed it longer than the pecks he gave you previously. you felt a sucking motion, as well as his tongue swirling on your sweet spot, shortly after. your breath got heavier, almost as if your lungs were being weighed down by hot air. your lips parted as he sucked a dark spot onto your neck.
"i'm sorry, pretty girl. forgive me?"
"not yet."
his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "why not?"
"i need more than that."
"tell me what you need, pretty. i'll do it."
you leaned closer to his ear, kissing his neck and the area between, "you know what i want from you."
standing up from the toilet seat, your legs wrapped around his waist as he carried you to your bedroom. your lips began to intertwine with his as he walked through the hallway, your tongues melting together like two lollipops on a hot day. he laid you down on the bed, still kissing you with everything he had; he needs you to forgive him.
letting go of your lips, he moved closer to the edge of the bed, taking off your shorts and leaving you in your underwear. feeling exposed in front of hamzah was always nerveracking in your own way; however, this time it was different. you knew hamzah had to please you, leaving you with a newfound confidence.
"are you okay with this?" he asked, exhibiting a level of care that you were all too familiar with.
"do whatever you want to me, hamzah."
taking your underwear off, you were left laying on top of your sheets in a tank top. his arms wrapped around your legs like a snake to its prey, prying your legs apart with a sense of desperation.
"you're so pretty like this baby," he kissed the inner part of your thigh, "you're so fucking pretty."
he spit on the area between your legs, earning a subtle gasp from you. his tongue began to lap on you, dropping saliva on the area of you that was already wet. between your legs, you felt the roughness and neediness of his tongue. his hands squeezed your inner thighs as pleasure began to unravel the metaphoric yarn located in your stomach. hamzah was eating the fuck out of you, leading to your moans getting louder and louder with each and every movement his tongue created against you.
his tongue produced a dance that only the both of you would know. some parts were as fast as light, while other ones were full of yearning and slowness; he knew exactly how to balance it for you to feel the best that you could feel.
your hands made its way to his hair, "you're so pretty like this, hamzah. my boy- my pretty boy."
his movements got faster as his grip against your thighs tightened even more, as if you were going to fly away if he let go. similar to his hands, you squeezed his hair as his movements quickened in pace; you could feel the yarn unraveling like a rubber band about to snap.
"f-fuck- hamzah, i'm close-"
he kissed your core, before his tongue sped to a pace you haven't felt before. you watched him eat you out like there was no tomorrow, leaving loud moans echoing the room, before he felt you release into his mouth. kissing it once again, he looked up at you as his hands massaged the pillows that he was in between. you looked at each other with love while he watched your heavy breathing and fucked-out expression.
"forgive me?"
"i forgive you. please go box someone else, baby."
confusion was apparent in his face, "what?"
"you're so fucking hot when you're bruised and yearning."
--
author's note!
this is so short omfg i hate using anatomical words for smut LOL more coming soon!
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minswriting · 15 hours ago
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can you give me a fic/headcanon/whatever where spencer comes home from a case in another city that took him an eternity to close and he gets home just to find you sleeping. he’s so frustrated all he does is get into bed WITH
his clothes ON barely takes his time to literally take his dick out of his work pants just to fuck you on your side, from behind in a way that both of your legs are against your chest because he just happens to need you and miss you real bad?
im sorry. im very slutty for him and this is how i want to be fucked by him. don’t mind me.
nsfw | mdni | spencer reid x reader | somnophilia
i love thinking about desperate and needy spencer. he’d come home so exhausted but so sexually frustrated. before he had left for the case, you guys were in the middle of having sex when hotch had called, telling spencer where was a case. so you guys weren’t able to finish. and spencer was PENT UP as it had been a week since that happened.
and when he comes home and sees you sleeping on the bed, on your side, spencer almost cried in frustration. that was until he noticed that you were naked. so ofc he takes that as an invitation because you guys have already discussed waking each other up with sex. so he drops his things and unzips his pants just enough to free his cock before lying down next to you. he kisses along your spine, moving up towards your neck while guiding his cock to your cunt.
and when you begin stirring, spencer doesn’t hesitate to just insert his cock, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you whine from the intrusion. he’s thrusting into you in a desperate sort of way while you’re whining and moaning, reaching behind you to grab one of spencer’s hands and intertwine your fingers. the pace begins to get frantic as spencer uses your cunt to relieve himself of the pressure built over the past week.
when he’s close, he’s whining hotly into your ear, telling you how much he craved and needed this before burying himself so deeply inside of you and releasing his cum into you with a loud groan.
i love desperate spencer so much
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divab0dy · 1 day ago
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dirty AND messy
contains: smut MDNI!!! domestic as FUCKKK, smoke weed, high sex, tired sex, nicotine/vape usage, really in love hamzah, established relstionship
authors note: erm this has been in the works for like a month and lowkey a self insert...
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it was a saturday for you guys, and hamzah and you did saturdays like no one else. you had both gotten out of bed, made cereal breakfast, smoked, and promptly climbed back into bed half asleep. that damn morning indica was going to kill you.
"hamz," you whisper.
"yeah?" he matches your tone.
"are you awake?"
"no," he chuckles.
"well then wake up," you say, turning over to face him.
he smiles lazily and shifts to be closer to you, your knees moving between each others.
"why would we do that," you smile.
"i didn't know," he sighs.
"i'm so tired now, i won't be able to do anything all day."
"yeah?" he slides his face closer to yours across the singly satin pillowcase. him and his damn hair care.
"mhm," you bring your hair up towards his hair, twisting your fingers into his curls.
he closes the gap, moving slowly towards you, stopping, his lips hovering over yours. "you're so fucking beautiful," he breathes.
you let out a breathy laugh.
"i'm serious. i'm gonna marry you one day. you know that?" he smiles against your lips.
"maybe tell me again."
he laughs and finally presses his lips onto yours, capturing your bottom lip between his. you suck on his top lip, before swiping your tongue over the crease between his lips, far too high and far too comfortable with him to take things slow. he hums and lets you in, greedily, almost more excited than you. almost.
you roll back, pulling him atop you, wrapping your legs around his back, all in one motion.
"someone's eager," he breaks the kiss.
"you know how touchy feely i get when im high," you smile against his lips.
"this is a little more than touchy feely don't you think? this is more like horny needy."
you laugh and grab him by the hair, pulling him back into you, shoving your tongue into his mouth with more need now that he's said it out loud.
you tug on his shirt and the whole room feels like it's on fire, kissing each other with a passion that neither of you have felt from anyone else. he pulls back and sits up on his knees removing his shirt, taking the time to carefully slot himself between your legs again.
"want you," you whine as you wrap your arms around his shoulders.
"don't you want to take things slow," he almost laughs, referencing last night, slow cowgirl, even a little candle.
"no," you hook your fingers into his boxers. "it's way to early for that," you finish.
he sits back again to take off his boxers. "isn't it a little too early for all of this?" he smiles as you shimmy your boxers off.
"it's like 11" you sigh as he gets back on top of you.
"you think you're still stretched from last night?" he asks, bringing his hand down. he runs his fingers over your leaking hole, not even bothering to press them inside.
"i don't really care, i just want you to fuck me," you wrap your legs around him.
he laughs and lines himself up. "definitely still stretched" he comments as he pushes himself in.
that couldn't be true. you're pretty sure you could fuck him thrice a day and never get used to it. it's not painful, but it's definitely a stretch.
your blunt nails grasp at his back, letting out a heady moan as he bottoms out.
"shit," you sigh. at least he knows to give you a moment to collect yourself.
whenever he fucks you like this, high and out of it, the only thing you're actually out of is everything going on around you. it's so easy to hyperfocus on him practically throbbing inside of you. the creek of the bed drowns out and all that's left is is the soft clapping of skin.
he slowly pulls out of you squeezing his eyes shut as he does so. he would never get used to the feel of being inside of you. the way you claw at his back, the way your heels dig into his thighs to pull him back in. every high you chase, every glass you break, every moan you make, it all makes him fall deeper in love with you than he ever thought possible.
he pushes back into you with little resistance, the sounds of your sopping cunt amplified through the high.
you clench down on him as he rubs against a spot only a few inches inside of you, just out of reach of your fingers. you could never make yourself feel the way hamzah makes you feel. he knows your body better than you do at this point.
you lazily reach towards your side table, grabbing your mexico mango geek bar and bringing it to your lips as he stars a steady pace. he laughs as you inhale and bow it out into his face.
"really?" he asks, pace now slowing.
"trying to kill this high," you sigh, still feeling tired from the weed.
"before the climax?" he's so proud of his own joke. no one finds hamzah funnier than hamzah.
"enough, let's pot that mouth to good work boy," you push the geek to his lips and watch as he takes a long inhale.
he grabs your face with one hand, holding himself up with the other arm and forces your mouth open to shotgun you. you inhale the smoke with ease.
"fuck that was hot," you breathe.
he reaches down and begins to rub your clit, making you gasp into him. he changes the angle, moving lower, now practically hitting your cervix with every thrust.
"hamzah im close," you grasp onto his bicep.
"i know baby, i know," with that he's rubbing your clit faster.
"fuck hamzah, i'm gonna cum." at this point your hips are undulating into him, practically fucking yourself onto his cock.
he kisses your cheek as your head turns to the side and that does it for you. you're cumming around him with a cry shaking on his cock.
it's only another thrust of pure overstimulation until he's cumming inside of you, whining as he does.
his hot break fans over your as he's overstimulating you even further, pushing his cum as deep into you as possible. he'd always been like that, even before you guys were dating, when he was still fucking you with a condom. some deep primal instinct that only came out when he was fucking you.
"fuck," he sighs, pulling out and flopping down next to you. he lazily throws an arm over you, pulling you back into him.
"that definitely killed my high," you giggle.
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cloudgirlsonfilm · 3 days ago
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just answering these all on my own for hitorei because im thinking about them... :] (also gonna be focusing on lili as opposed to myself but some answers might be about me val ^^)
1. rei reminds me of many! snakes, peacocks, tanukis, foxes, hawks... anything flashy or elusive. hitoya is like a bulldog to me
2. me personally i'd give hitoya a gift card to some high-end steakhouse. or a bottle of scotch. and i'd give rei a pie to the face or perhaps rocks. lili might give him something slightly better but idk what
3. i don't know if hitoya lili OR rei have hobbies 💀💀 they're all too employed for that (and rei... is rei). THOUGH i do think hitoya wanted to do magic tricks at a point? it'd be cute if he still knew some tricks and taught them to lili, and then she uses the sleight of hand on rei to make him laugh... lili and rei used to read together a lot when they first became a couple too
4. hitoya sweeps dusts vacuums washes dishes you name it. i think he's very clean, and would make sure to stay on top of it even if he's run thin from work (just more distraction from The Feelings). rei leaves a mess in his wake
5. both of them yes. bonus points for hitoya for (probably) being able to drive a motorcycle too
6. unsure... i think hitolili both use very generic ones, rei has a special ringtone for lili that he like.. recorded himself or something so its unmistaken
7. hitoya would if a situation called for it, rei would if a situation called for it but he's manufacturing the situation himself so he can logically argue with someone online and then get something out of them
8. i think hitoya would seem outwardly stressed by the idea, but actually be very accepting of it (guy who has probably sat through kuko talking about reincarnation). to me rei is the opposite, outwardly indulges the idea but secretly feels stressed or even forlorn about it
9. OH GODDD lili probably gets mixed reviews when introducing rei because everyone can tell there's something about those two that needs to stay in containment
10. receiving a hug from behind in the kitchen or laying in bed together
11. idfk. old woman yaoi
12. hitoya i think is a silvery purple, rei i associate with dark red and gold
13. hitoya introduces lili as a good friend (no one believes him, which she's amused by), rei introduces lili as a drinking buddy of sorts (not exactly wrong, but it frustrates her)
14. if they're not perceiving lili as a doggirl what's the point...
15. hitoya would take lili out to dinner, rei would take lili out for drinks
16. hitoya/rei probably don't consciously think of any pet names for lili... rei calls her 'baby' all the time, but he calls a lot of girls 'baby' LOL. just saying lili's name makes him flustered though
17. hitoya likes sitting in the same room and doing seperate things, rei likes drinking (a given) and engaging in hands-on things together (he strikes me as a type to enjoy mixing vegetables while the other chops them, or doing lego sets together [first hands-on thing i could think of 😭😭😭 but tbh he probably needs that instead of inventing crazy shit])
18. hitoya shows it best through staying by lili's side, trying to be of some comfort, providing her with a place to stay when she needs to fall back on someone. rei shows it best through indirect actions-- ordering in food without being asked to, placing elaborate gift bags on the counter for lili to find later, putting her through a busy day so she feels alive again. lili also has a very weak spot for whenever rei talks really smooth
19. hitoya likes lili's eyes and lips, rei likes her legs and her freckles (her legs happen to have a lot of distinctive moles too)
20. i love how compassionate hitoya is, even if he doesn't give himself the credit that he is!! i love his conviction and his dedication to helping others find justice, peace and joy. rei i love for very opposite reasons LMAO i like that he's elusive and scheming. but i also like how he has a very obvious soft side no matter how much he tries to play the bad guy, but i ALSO like that this cruelly blends into all the bad things he's done. i like how complex he is...
21. i think hitoya's drawing of lili would be kind of sharp, brick-like, and i think she'd laugh and say it's kind of abstract in a way (this is not at all what he intended). i think rei's would be a little more realistic, maybe even scarily so, but i think he'd struggle to make it not look like a scientific plan of sorts (which would make lili roll her eyes a little)
22. yes. hitoya might complain about how big of a bite is taken, rei orders extras to make sure no one goes hungry
23. hitoya associates lili with blue (her uniform) and salmon (her favourite colour), rei associates her with pink (her affiliation with chuo and it's close to her favourite colour, also a colour she used to wear a lot of)
F/O Ask Game!!
A list of questions to answer about your f/o!! You guys can just go down the list and answer them all (I'd love to see it!!!) in a reblog, orrr you can reblog and have others ask you these questions in your inbox! Have fun!! PR.OSHI.P, NOT FOR YOU!
What animal does your f/o remind you of?
If you got your f/o a gift, what would you get them? 
What is your favorite hobby to think about doing with your f/o?
What chores would your f/o do around the house? Are there any they REALLY dislike?
Would you trust your f/o to drive a car?
What kind of ringtone or notification sound would you have for your f/o?
Would your f/o fight someone online? 
Does your f/o believe in soulmates?
How would you introduce your f/o to your friends? How do you think that would go? 
What's the first scenario that comes to your head when you think of being with your f/o?
What dynamic would you use to describe you and your f/o? 
What color do you associate with your f/o? 
How would your f/o introduce you to those they care about? How do you think that would go?
What animal do you remind your f/o of?
What would your f/o get you for Valentine's day, if anything? 
What does your f/o call you in their head? What do they call you aloud/to others?
What does your f/o like doing with you the most? 
How does your f/o show their love best? 
What's your f/o's favorite feature of yours?
What're your f/o's favorite personality traits of yours?
If your f/o drew you, how would you describe the art piece?
Does your f/o share food with you?
What color would your f/o associate you with?
What?? Who's tagging their friends again?- not me... I just really wanna see yalls answers. Formal invitation lest you become worried I don't wanna see it. @jpeg-indulgence @starshakez @moxanji-real @frankys-wife @katsenbergs-soulmate @katanahusband @fl0ralsxgar @one-winged-dreams AND LITERALLY ANYONE WHO SEES THIS.
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hakkkuu · 2 days ago
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hiiii!!! can uu make a fic abt first time getting help from softie bf anton cuz reader is struggling getting off for weeks and him teasing reader while doing it😓 thank you so muchhh (note: reader and anton just started dating hehe)
istg i struggle sm whenever im writing smtg softer but im trying i promise😭
The light in Anton's room was dim, casting long shadows that danced with the flicker of candles he had lit, creating an ambiance of intimacy and warmth. The air was thick with the scent of jasmine, mingling with the subtle musk of his cologne. You sat on the edge of his plush bed, the softness of the sheets under you a stark contrast to the tension knotting inside you.
"I've been struggling," you confessed, your voice a mere whisper, your eyes downcast, feeling vulnerable yet strangely safe in his presence. Anton moved closer, his fingers brushing a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch igniting a warmth that spread through you.
"Struggling with what, my love?" His voice was a caress, wrapping around you like a velvet glove.
With a deep breath, you shared your secret, "I haven't been able to... reach climax. For weeks now." Your admission hung in the air, a delicate thing, waiting for his reaction.
His response was tender, his eyes filled with understanding and a soft desire to help. "Do you want me to try and help you?" he asked, his tone like silk, his hand gently squeezing yours in reassurance.
Your nod was shy but eager, your heart racing with both nervousness and anticipation. He leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that was both a question and an answer, slow, exploring, deepening until you felt the world narrowing down to just the sensation of his mouth on yours.
"Let's take our time," he murmured against your lips, his hands going to the buttons of your shirt, undoing them one by one with a patience that was both torturous and beautiful. His fingertips grazed your skin, leaving trails of fire, his eyes locked with yours, seeking your comfort, your consent with each touch.
He guided you back onto the bed, his body hovering over yours, his movements deliberate and gentle. His lips found your neck, kissing, nipping lightly, his breath hot against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. "Is this okay?" he'd whisper, his voice a siren's call, his hands exploring further, always with that soft touch that asked rather than demanded.
As he helped you out of your jeans, his fingers danced over your thighs, teasing, drawing patterns that made you squirm with need. His touch was like a whisper, just there, promising more. He watched you, his eyes dark with desire but bright with affection, as he moved closer to your core.
His teasing was exquisite, fingers tracing around where you craved him most, his breath warm against you, whispering praises, "You're so beautiful like this... so responsive," each word a brush stroke on the canvas of your arousal.
When he finally touched you, it was with a reverence, his fingers slow, circling, learning every gasp, every arch of your back. "Tell me what you need," he coaxed, his voice a velvet murmur, his touch becoming more intentional, drawing out your pleasure with a sensual rhythm.
The room filled with the sounds of your breaths, the rustle of sheets, and his soft encouragements, "Let me see you," "Feel this with me." Each command was gentle, each touch a promise, building you up to a crescendo you hadn't felt in weeks.
When the climax came, it was drawn from you like music from a well-played instrument, long, deep, resonating through every part of you. Anton held you through it, his kisses on your forehead, your cheeks, his whispers of love and praise a soothing balm to your racing heart.
After, as you lay entwined, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on your skin, he smiled, his voice a low, sensual promise, "We have all the time in the world to explore this together." His words were a vow of more nights like this, where love and desire merged into something profound and beautiful.
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canon-gabriel-quotes · 10 months ago
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ok now speaking of dreams, i just had one where i took Gabriel shopping and he was wearing that one dress like in the New Blood 10th anniversary art. he really liked nail polish and i just stood there as he tried on all 1628499302 samples available
This is just my (possibly weird? Or is it common idk) head canon that he doesn’t have nails so I’m just imagining that he’s drenched in paint
Help
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sometimesanequine · 6 days ago
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i pray none of you ever have the misfortune of feeling the weather in your bones in the hellscape that is current weather patterns
#tis agony fellas#dont ever get so stressed for so long you get sick and treat your body well (if possible) so you dont end up like me ok?#and if you do end up like me please make time for yourself and rest your body and eat good food and drink good water#keep your body in top condition even if you feel bad because it can help you feel at least less like a corpse#i would probably be less sick if i figured out what was wrong with me sooner. but pitying the past does nothing#instead i spend my time resting researching biology to see if we can ever reverse it right. so im less sad about being unable to do stuff#boy howdy does it feel bad to sew and cut fabric for roughly 2 hours and then have to go lay down cause ur baka body is telling you to stop#it'll be okay though theres always tomorrow. and i can sew for less time and take longer breaks. its bad to always push your limits#eventually i will finish! but not today and thats okay because tomorrow will come and go and i will sew when im able again#in the meantime i can read a lot! my brain is still curious and hungry for knowledge even if my joints are weak!#you should all go and have a snack and a sip of water or beverage you will consume and wash your bedding#so you can go to bed on clean sheets and blankets and pillow cases. ALSO!!! change your pillow cases#not a horse#also. please dont wish for me to get better. i probably wont :} and thats okay. it is fine. im not very sad about it often#so please dont be sad about it either!
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skunkes · 8 months ago
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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pink-lemonadefairy · 5 months ago
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#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee#i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to#it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar#space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder#but i will surviveeeeeee#counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim#fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and#watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself#i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting#can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i#i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes 💔 so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day#not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully#i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up#i hope everything goes well#anyways bye bye#♡ dear diary…
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kingprinceleo · 1 year ago
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Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me
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spacejammie-eimmajecaps · 11 months ago
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This has not been my week
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spitblaze · 2 years ago
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because i am always always ALWAYS anxious that someone is gonna interpret something i say in bad faith i made that anti-transmasculinity post bc there was a minute or two on tumblr and twitter where trans men were the Embarassing Cringe Queers Du Jour and people were like 'lol trans men dont even face any sort of discrimination outside of garden variety transphobia' which is patently fuckin untrue and im very tired of being called a 'pussy' and a 'whiner' because people do not take me seriously as a man unless its to claim im a predator or violent so. theres that
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sevenyeargap · 1 year ago
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tinylittlebab · 2 years ago
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2/10/23
goal: 1000 / total: 821 / extra burned: 100 / net: 720 / weight: 94.5
disappointed in this. wouldve been less but i kinda blanked while eating goldfish and forgot to count them out bc i was too busy sorting them. oops. well its not that bad. i didnt end up getting to do my usual stuff so the day was very hard. i had planned to wait to eat till later or not at all but around 8pm i started feeling very ill and shakey so i decided to eat. unfortunate but whatever.
mad at myself for being hungry this morning since i had over 800 yesterday. my body is so pathetic. i fed it so much yesterday but even still.
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sassy-assassin · 2 years ago
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Buddy Daddies episode 12 WAS SO GOOD WTF IM SOBBING I CANT EVEN WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL FAMILY. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!
Spoilers (and my unhinged thoughts) in the tags just fyi
#i loved the action of the full-on assault on the mansion#and like yess get Ogino's bitch ass#that whole fight in the mansion was pretty gayyy no lie#rei in his suit with his hair down was HOTT like wtf#that xmas photo of them all just makes me wanna cry it's so adorable#poor Miri when they told her her mama wasnt gonna be able to make it to the concert like my heart#wish rei's dad would've got taken out but i kinda get why rei did what he did#as in the long run that was prob better for getting the organization off their backs fully#since simultaneously proved he was serious about leaving and that he couldnt be an assassin anymore#tho he looks like he can still use his arm pretty well in the future tho#and im sorry DID REI TELL HIS DAD HE WAS SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED AS KAZUKI AND MIRI LIKE OMG WHAT A FUCKING PSYCHOLOGICAL POWER MOVE#he really was like FUCK YOU DAD Kazuki and Miri and I are a real family#i started bawling when they showed Miri older like the fact that they all got to grow up together and be a family im so happy#but also like a lil sad bc does that mean there is no hope for a season 2? Like pls i need to know what happened between the times#i wanna see her growing up and them two managing to make a real family#ahhhh i love how kyu is still clearly a part of their lives by the photos#i wholeheartedly believe kazuki getting drinks with a woman was him drinking with Carol & Dorothy while complaining (in a loving way)#about how Rei can only make french toast loll and just like Dorothy listening with this completely knowing look on her face#and the photos of Karin from France like she looks so happy!#@kazuki's goatee whyyyy lolll#FUCK I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SHOW AND LOVE THEM SO MUCH#buddy daddies#buddy daddies spoilers#buddy daddies episode 12#daughter daddies#i want to scream into the void about how happy i am they all got to be a family together#idk what to do with myself now like the past few weeks have been so wrapped up in this show idk who i am anymore#fuck pls i NEED A SEASON 2#OR LIKE A MOVIE
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inmirova · 4 months ago
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"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(
#repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns#im not unsafe btw just. :^) scared :^)#tired.#starting to stop walking on eggshells kind of. in a cowardly way. like responding some of my real thoughts but at 4am#i want to scream. im not like that but i want to yell and tell her to leave me alone forever and i just want to be able to rest !#and to not be afraid. i want to move. i want to drop off the face of the earth. i want to go to bed. i want to stay awake and on guard.#idk. im tired. im so tired and i want it to stop. it's not even a big deal.#the thinly veiled insults bother me more than anything else. insult sandwich on compliment bread.#im so pretty im so stupid im so funny. im smart im too insecure im beautiful. im the most interesting person she knows im evil im talented#it's not even the worst thing it just pisses me off so much. do you think this is helpful to say? do you think this is normal?#do you think you'll get what you want insulting and belittling me as long as you tell me you think im attractive?#it's always how pretty i am. like some superficial bullshit is going to make up for an insult or make the insult disappear#and everyone else gets to leave but if i leave she'll die and it'll be all my fault and this is just like x y or z#and didnt i know she almost experienced trauma as a child but didnt? and how that effects her?#fuck. i hope she sees this tbh. how fucking insulting to see something someone's experienced and say that couldve maybe happened to me#but the person who couldve done it lives in another country and never came here.#what the fuck. what the fuck.#so it didnt happen to you? you cant lay claim to it at all? yet you think you understand me or that even if it did happen it's all the same#im going to lose my mind. im so. fucking. over it. but im a coward and i dont want her to die so ill grin and bear it.#and she'll tear out all my skin and ask if it's a little too much and ill say it's fine and she'll say im so gorgeous but i'm disgusting#but at least im kind. and ill say okay. because if i say anything else it's a threat on her fucking life.#tbh im only posting this now bc i know no one will likely read it. perpetual coward when it comes to this shit#because if i tell someone the full extent they'll ask why i didn't leave sooner. but i did!#i left and i got bombarded and overwhelmed and i was so tired of being scared of running into her everywhere#and i just. eased back in. and said it would be less this time. and it is so much more. it is so much worse.#ive lived in that fear before and i was so tired of it. it was a big reason i moved so far for college. and i cant just run away#so this seemed better. but it's so much worse. id rather hide every day of my life. keep an eye out everywhere and run away.#it wasnt so bad really. it was tedious and nauseating and i only ever explained it to one person. but it wasnt impossible.#this is much closer to impossible. this is soul crushing every day. and the things she does arent even as bad i dont think#it just doesnt stop. at least in high school i eventually got it to stop. i just had to be avoidant. this. wont stop.
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