#so this is officially my most requested topic so far!!!

[viennakarma]

My dearest friend and enemy (2)

PART 2 | Fernando Alonso x Reader

Summary: You and Fernando always dreamed of the day you'd get into Formula 1. Unfortunately, the competition, the pride and the stubborness, get in the way of a beautiful friendship.

Word count: 7.1k

Tags: female!reader, driver reader, coming of age, ups and downs of a friendship, brocedes coded, very very angsty, cursing, anger, fights, overuse of flavio briatore as a plot device, lots of low blows, sprinkles of romance, kissing, making out, happy ending, not beta read

Relationship: Fernando Alonso x Reader

Note: Someone requested this, with this very detailed request, and it has consumed my every thought for the past week or two. I had to tweak some things from the request here and there, hope it's ok. It's heavily inspired by brocedes. (There is a lot of info that is wrong or inaccurate, I did this on purpose to fit my narrative, if you catch them, please ignore)

I was wondering doing a bonus part about Fernando POV throughout everything (to show he was ALSO miserable), but I don't know if i have the time and energy for it. Let me know if you guys would be interested in it and I'll do it in headcanons/topics.

I'm sorry if it feels rushed, this was taking way too long and I just wanted to follow my heart. Feedback and opinions are appreciated xx

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PART 1 | FERNANDO'S HEADCANONS

You were moping and crying in the living room when the phone started ringing. Looking at the little screen that showed the number that was calling, you knew it was Fernando. You had memorized his number at some point in your lifetime. Your parents weren’t home, so you hesitated. You took so long that his call went to voicemail.

“I know you’re there,” he said, voice sounding tired, low and inpatient, “please pick up the-”

You pulled the phone cable, unplugging the call and silencing him. Wiping your tears, you stared at the unplugged phone on the little side table for what felt like hours, until your parents returned from work, when you got up to plug the phone back and pretend like you didn’t spend the whole day mourning a friendship you always thought would last forever.

After two days ignoring all calls, even Flavio’s, you decided that you’d shield yourself from now on, and you wouldn’t give Fernando any more ammo to hurt you. You met with Flavio at the next race, face heavy with makeup to cover up the sleepless nights you had gone through. You put your bag down and stared at Flavio across the table.

“Good morning. Let’s go back to work,” you said, gently pulling the stack of papers from his grasp. He called your name in that tone, of someone wanting a heart to heart.

“We should talk about the f-” He started but you cut him off.

“No, I don’t want to talk about that,” you said.

“I talked to Fernando and he-”

“I said, I don’t want to talk about it. He’s dead to me.” You repeated slowly, finally looking up at him. Flavio must’ve seen something in your eyes because he let the topic go.

You didn’t see Fernando for two more days, and when the weekend officially started, you avoided him like the plague. Even when you two were in the same place with other drivers, you’d ignore his existence for the most part. Whenever you were in a little circle chatting with other drivers and he arrived, you’d leave immediately. Press conference, you convinced Jenson to switch places with you so you could be as far from Fernando as possible. Even with team debriefs, with Flavio trying to make you talk to Fernando, you refused.

The rest of the season was insane, during team meetings and debriefs you were cold and barely talked to him. He didn’t try to talk to you either, and the silent distance only grew.

You were head to head in a race, you were P2 and Fernando P3 right behind you.

“Switch with Fernando,” your engineer said on the radio.

“He won’t fucking pass me,” you said into the radio, holding your position and pace. He was less than a second behind, and you refused to let him pass.

“I repeat, let him pass,” That was Flavio.

“If he manages to overtake me, he can go.”

He didn’t. You knew you had more pace, but still he insisted, and through the mirrors, you could see him closing in behind you. He tried to overtake but you pushed the car fast, and when he couldn’t anymore, he turned into you, touching his front right tyre to your rear left tyre. You were too fast. The mere touch of his tyre bursted yours. You couldn’t even get angry as you lost control of the car in a millisecond, the speed making your car fly into the air as it hit the gravel. With your car overturning a few times in the air, you watched your sight going ground, sky, ground, sky, ground, sky.

Then you blacked out.

When you woke up, you were on a stretcher being placed carefully inside the ambulance, you tried to get up, dizzy and someone handed you a bag where you threw up inside.

You had an insane headache as they took you to the medical center. Apparently, everything else was alright as you checked your own body for any injuries or problems. The doctor checked you but still made you through a round of tests and injected saline solution diluted with pain medicine in an IV drip. They also decided you’d stay overnight to make sure nothing was wrong. 

Your dad, who was watching from the garage, was the first to find you in the medical center, visibly worried and crying. He hugged you for a whole minute, before taking a step back and touching your face to make sure you were really alright.

“I’m ok, Papá. Just passed out when the car was spinning in the air,” You smiled softly, wanting to dissipate his worry.

“When you didn’t answer the radio-” He choked back tears.

“It’s ok, I’m ok now.”

“What are you feeling, darling?” He pressed, holding your hands to look for injuries in your arms.

“I’m all in one piece, Papá. Just a little sore, but that’s normal whenever a racing driver crashes,” you let him know, and he nodded.

“Let me just call your mother. She was so worried she wanted to get into the first flight here,” He told you.

“Tell her I’m alright and I love her,” you whispered and he nodded, going outside.

You sighed as you were left alone, trying to find a comfortable position where you didn’t have to move too much, since your whole body felt like it had been run over by a truck. The door opened and you thought it was Flavio, but you were faced with Fernando, still sweaty and in his overalls. He looked disheveled, but he was full of worry, even his eyes looked a little misty as he stood there a few meters from you.

But you couldn’t look past the anger when the memory of him diving into your car came back. He had gambled with your life, out of pettiness, out of envy, he couldn’t pass you, so he decided the next best thing was to take you out, not even caring about the danger he was putting you through.

“Leave.” You said, with gritted teeth.

“Please,” he begged with his voice softer than you had heard for almost a year, “let me just-”

“Leave! You could’ve gotten me killed, Fernando. Get out!” You said, louder. “Do you have any idea that you could have ruined my life in a moment of anger?! That you could have gotten me seriously injured or worse?! I would have never done that to you!” You pressed your index finger to the nurse button repeatedly, and a few seconds later, a nurse came in, “Ma’am can you escort him out please?”

You could see in his eyes that he was hurt by your words, but in that moment, all you felt was blind rage, for what he did the last time you spoke and because he crashed into you on purpose. You didn’t want to hear any excuses now that he realized he put your life in danger just because his ego couldn’t take a hit.

The next day, after you were discharged, you traveled for a meeting with Flavio at Renault’s headquarters. He met you alone in the meeting room, talking to you about the accident, and after making sure you were physically fine, he went off.

“What you did yesterday was reckless and you went against express orders from the team and from me. This is not happening again, or you will be risking your seat at Renault,” He said, his voice never leaving room for debate, you swallowed and nodded, “When the team orders you to do something, you do. No questioning, and no going against it. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Fernando was really worried about you yes-”

“I don’t want to talk about him.” You cut Flavio off.

“You two are best friends, it’s really sad to see you lose all that because of Formula 1” Flavio said, gently.

“He put my life at risk, Flavio. This is not something a friend would do,” you stood up, walking away but you stopped by the door, “Kinda curious how motorsports, the very thing that brought us together, is the same that tore us apart.”

Then you went to meet the engineers for the next race strategies. 

That night as you laid down at home, you thought that you’d never compete with Fernando solely because he was Flavio’s favorite. If it ever came to Flavio to decide whether you would win or Fernando would win, he’d always pick Fernando. You could’ve been fighting for the championship this year, he had promised you, instead you were being used as a step in Fernando’s path of glory, when you could be fairly racing him for the championship. You’d always come second to him there. That was also the moment you stopped seeing Flavio as a friend, and confined him back to a position of Team Principal.

You reread the Sauber proposal that came to you that year to start racing for them the next season, tempted to just go and make your name somewhere else. Somewhere where you’d be put first.

But deep down, a sense of indebtedness had rooted into your heart ever since the day Fernando told you the truth. You had to pay Flavio back for his trust and for his money, and the only way you thought you could do it was by becoming world champion under his team.

There was still a little kid inside you, a little kid who aspired to prove Fernando wrong, to become a champion and prove to yourself you’re more than him. More than who he wanted you to be, more than a loser.

You turned down the offer from Sauber.

The rest of the season you went almost robotically. You still gave your all every race, but your mood would always damper when you had to follow team orders.

“Ask if me and Fernando can switch, I’m faster!” You said on the radio. You kept driving, Fernando a little less than two seconds in front of you, but you were getting closer and would catch up to him in two laps.

“Negative, protect his position.”

“There’s a McLaren right behind me! They’ll pass us both!”

“Negative, team orders.”

You swallowed and held your position, trying to maintain your P2 and Fernando P1. But when the McLaren got close to you, they managed to pass you after a brief battle, going for Fernando a couple of laps later.

Later, you stood on the podium, looking ahead knowing that P3 could’ve been a P1 if they had let you fight for it. You didn’t look at Fernando on the other side of the podium, you just stood there, eyes watery. You pretended to take part throwing champagne for a few seconds, forcing a smile knowing that it would look bad not to.

The post race interviews were torture, and you wanted to go home and vent to your parents.

“How has it been to manage your friendship with Fernando outside the track?” A reporter asked, and your smile disappeared from your face.

“We were never really friends,” you shrugged, annoyed, you added “Are there any questions about racing instead of my personal life?” The reporter was silent, visibly taken aback by your responses, you had rarely been hostile toward a journalist before, you knew he would have a field day with just those replies, especially when your PR manager gave you a hard stare, “No? Thank you, see you around.”

You finished P2 in the race Fernando became champion for the second time. When you got out of the car, you watched as Flavio and Fernando hugged, jumping from the ground and celebrating. The number one and your team principal. After the podium ceremony, you didn’t bother to stay to spray champagne, just leaving and going straight out.

You got a couple more proposals from other teams, and you were tempted, until Flavio told you Fernando was leaving for McLaren the next year and offered you an extension. You took it under the condition to become the number one driver now that Fernando was out of the picture.

A part of you mourned the death of the dream, the one you had at fourteen to become teammates with your best friend. So many things had happened in between everything, now you would miss it. Only the good, not the bad and ugly. You wish you could go back in time, redo everything, and never allow yourself to lose your best friend on the way.

The next year you ended up striking an unexpected friendship with Jenson Button, Nico Rosberg and eventually the two rookies Lewis and Sebastian, who had been very vocal about being fans of yours.

You didn’t go back to talking with Fernando. You didn’t try and he didn’t either. It felt like the bridges were too far burned to recover.

One day as you walked out of the garage, you saw Fernando with a girl on the opposite side. She was clinging to his side, whispering. You knew he had his fair share of fun with grid girls but he never invited them to watch the race from his garage. You wondered if he was dating again, after a couple of years being nothing more than a player. You also wonder why it made a pang of pain flare through your chest.

You don’t linger too much. He had no reason to tell you. You weren’t even friends anymore.

You moved on, as much as you could. And eventually, you met Kaka, or Ricardo, as you preferred calling him. He was a footballer, a big name in the sport, playing for a big team in Italy. You actually met him at a gala party, the both of you being silly introverts, bumping into each other when trying to find a way out. You two ended up talking for hours on the balcony, watching the city lights.

He reminded you of Nano before Formula 1.

And you actually wanted to smash your own head against the handrail as you thought that.

After exchanging numbers and calling a couple of times, you managed to convince Ricardo to come to a Grand Prix. His presence was calm, funny without being mean, and so gentle. It was actually the calm between the storm your life and job was.

You were pacing around outside the motorhomes to try and see if he had arrived yet, since the last you had talked to him was when he was on his way. While waiting, your eyes found Fernando’s on the opposite side in front of McLaren, he was sitting down with his girlfriend telling him something. You stared at him for a whole minute, and for a brief moment, the anger left his eyes for something softer, something like-

“Hi, minha linda!” Ricardo showed up out of nowhere, and he hugged you so tight he actually swiped you off your feet.

Once the surprise passed, you hugged him back, your fingers finding their way through his hair. And he laughed, spinning you before putting you down. You talked for a bit, your face lit up as he told you about his day.

Your eyes unconsciously turned to Fernando, because you could feel that he had been staring at you for as long as Ricardo was there. His face was back to anger.

“You want me to give you the grand tour?” You offered, just so you could escape the weight of Fernando’s glare.

You took Ricardo by the hand and showed him all around, even introducing him to part of your team. After that race when you placed third, Ricardo invited you to a date, the first official one. After a couple of months and a few kisses, he asked you to be his girlfriend. You only hesitated for a second before smiling and squealing a yes.

Being the main driver of your team allowed you to live an entirely different season as a racer. You didn’t want to be arrogant, but you had it in the bag. You had the best car, the best engines, and just the perfect amount of boldness. Add insane strategies, and you were unstoppable.

Despite Fernando being your close rival on track, he was way too busy beefing with Lewis, his surprisingly great rookie teammate.

During summer break that year, you were on a trip to Brazil with Ricardo, but still, the night of July 29th, you got up at two a.m., slowly went to the fridge, where you got an ice cream pint. With a spoon, you sat on the handrail in the balcony, and watched the waves breaking on the beach a few meters away.

It was weird keeping the ice cream tradition alone, but you supposed it was even weirder not keeping the tradition. Staring at the stars, you wondered if Fernando had any ice cream to celebrate his birthday that day.

“Hi,” you heard Ricardo behind you, his hands sneaking around your middle and he hugged you from behind, laying his head against your shoulder, “everything ok?”

“Yeah, just wanted a little treat,” you mumbled, closing the lid on the ice cream, because a selfish part of you didn’t want to share the tradition with anyone other than Fernando. It was silly and stupid, and still… you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You put the ice cream back in the freezer and smiled at Ricardo as he pulled you into his arms and carried you back to bed.

You came back from summer break with a renewed sense of focus. Deep down you knew that was your season. Your season to become world champion, and nothing was going to get in the way of that. As you won the first two races after summer, you became first in the standings, this sense of purpose being the one thing motivating you every weekend to give your best.

It was Interlagos that year when you needed only a podium to become World Champion, pretty much the same as Fernando two years before. The race was tough, and it felt like Fernando was out to get you, especially in a moment right in the middle of the race, when you were behind him in P3 and he tried to brake test you again, but this time you were quick to react, avoiding his rear and using his own dirty trick against him, turning sharply to overtake him from outer side, moving past him fast enough to gain some precious couple of seconds.

After that, you managed to smoothly overtake the P1 with a carefully planned pit stop that allowed you to come out first. Later on, you saw a crash, nothing too bad, but you found out it was Fernando and Webber.

“Are they ok?” You asked via radio to your engineer.

“Yes, they are already back on the pitlane.”

You sighed and focused back to your race, keeping your P1 safe, and going smoothly to take the checkered flag.

“Congratulations, Y/N! You’re a Formula One World Champion!”

You felt the tears coming down and dampening your balaclava, as you took one last lap to parc ferme, waving at the crowd that went insane.

It was like a huge weight was lifted from your chest. Because you were now world champion. You were there, and you deserved to be there, among the best. You didn’t need to prove yourself anymore, and you had finally paid Flavio back.

You jumped out of the car straight into your team, jumping with them, and Flavio ran up to you, pulling you into a tight hug. Jenson also found you and hugged you firmly, patting your back and Nico also hugged you, both of them were on the podium with you.

As you looked down from the podium, with a watery, emotional smile, you saw your dad crying like a baby and clapping his hands. Unconsciously, your eyes looked for Fernando, silly hoping it mattered something to him, that at least in the name of your former friendship, he would be there, but he was nowhere to be seen, and you felt like that was another nail in the coffin of your friendship.

Deciding to forget it, you drank champagne straight from the bottle, laughing as both Nico and Jenson paired up to drown you in champagne, looking happy for you.

After talking to your mom on the phone, you stood up, taking your bag and going out to look for your dad. You didn’t make it very far, as you came out in the hallway, you found Fernando, leaning against the wall. You paused, looking up to him while your heartbeat went up.

“I’m happy for you,” he whispered. And you wanted to believe it really badly, but thinking about him brake testing you during the race, trying to take you out, made you roll your eyes at him.

“Sure, you are,” you said sarcastically. He shook his head and clicked his tongue, like he was disappointed you didn’t believe him, “my debt is over now.”

“What?” He frowned, confused.

“I just paid Flavio for his investment,” you explained, “I’m not just here because you asked him to support me, I’m a damn great driver. I’m here because I deserve it, not because you took me out of pity.”

Fernando stared at you completely shocked at your words, something painful stabbing at his chest. He never thought you’d think like that over disgusting words he said in a moment of anger. Words that never meant anything to him, that he didn’t even believe in himself. The hurt in your eyes was the same from the day he said the words, when you cried looking into his eyes and telling him he was dead to you.

You walked past him and away. He wanted to shout that he never meant those words, that you were so much more, so much better. But you just left. Fernando followed you outside, trying to catch you and explain himself, maybe fix things between you, making peace.

But as he got outside, he paused, seeing you jumping in your boyfriend’s arms, laughing at something he whispered to you. Fernando swallowed, closing his fist and jealousy burned through his limbs, with such force that it felt like a fever.

Right after the Brazilian Grand Prix, Ferrari got in touch with you, offering a two year contract to become teammates with Kimi Raikkonen and drive for what was one of, if not the most classic team in Formula 1. After negotiations, it was a no brainer. You didn’t owe Renault anything any more. And that’s what propelled you to meet with Flavio that winter break in a cafeteria in Monaco. When you had called, he said he wanted to talk to you about something, which was convenient.

After pleasantries and small talk, you were ready to start, but Flavio cut you off without noticing.

“I have to tell you something,” he started, carefully, “Fernando is coming back to Renault next year.”

You froze for a second, not wanting to think too much about the implications of that. The fact that Flavio was willing to force you and Fernando to be teammates again even after the catastrophic ending you had before. Sighing, you covered your face for a second.

“I know you have reservations, but I’ve talked with Fernando and he’s willing to-”

“I’m going to Ferrari.”

And Flavio understood, after talking for a while. He knew Ferrari was most drivers' ultimate dream, and you weren’t immune to that either. Unfortunately for you, Fernando released the news he was going back to Renault a week before Ferrari announced you, and the media had a field day with that, tabloids and media outlets doing numbers of articles about you avoiding being teammates with Fernando again, since he was coming back and you were conveniently leaving almost at the same time.

Your races with Fernando kept being dangerous, one always trying to one up the other, dangerous moves and overtakes, close calls of crashing into each other, and more and more jabs publicly. The attacks at each other never stopped, and the media seemed to enjoy it, feeding into it ever so often.

One occasion, you were going for a win, and the only thing between you and that damn P1 was Fernando Alonso. So you kept your P2, biding your time as you tried to close the gap, leaving your chance at overtaking for the last few laps. When a fast turn came, you advanced, overtaking him, Fernando tried to defend his position, but you were getting the lead, and both of you were in high speed. Someone had to back out, otherwise you two would crash. But you were feeding off of anger and hurt, and you didn’t back down well into the turn, but suddenly, Fernando slowed down, giving up defending. You took the P1 and after a few laps, the checkered flag. You knew on the podium that Fernando was seething, his face didn’t hide that. Later, at an interview, someone brought up the dirty move.

“So, a very dangerous move at turn 2 during lap 47, no?” The reporter asked, trying to get a reaction out of you.

“I thought it was a pretty common battle, no?” You said, a condescending tone imitating him.

“Well, it could’ve caused you both to crash.”

“I took a risk, either I would pass and win, or we would both crash and DNF. Alonso was wise and went for the safest option.” I gave the reporter a fake smile.

You knew that answer would piss Fernando off, and a part of you knew he deserved it. Sometimes you acted on pure rage and pettiness, feral and way more aggressive against Fernando on track than you really needed to be. But he just pissed you off. Walking around with his model girlfriend, his attacks at your racing abilities, his pretty eyes that always seemed to find yours at the most inconvenient times.

Then, the race weekend would end, and everything that was left was shame. Your burning shame every time your mom’s eyes shone when she asked about Fernando, hoping you two would have made peace. You, looking away from her face every time you told her you knew nothing about Alonso because you didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes.

Later that year, after your two year anniversary with Ricardo, you accidentally found a ring box in his suitcase. A proposal ring, a beautiful big diamond ring, probably worth a small fortune. And you tried to feel happy about it, but you could only find dread in your heart. Despite loving Ricardo, you knew you didn’t love him as much as you could. And certainly not as much as she loved you. You didn’t love him as much as you loved-

Closing your eyes, you also closed your heart, and after that just like the coward you were, you broke up with Ricardo the kindest way you could. He was confused, because your relationship was tranquil, without many problems. It broke your heart to break his heart, but you couldn’t lead him on, you knew Ricardo was husband material, and the earlier you let him go, the earlier he would find his true happiness.

Ultimately, you decided to only pursue love after your Formula One career. Having a bit of fun here and there, and a couple of casual relationships even with other drivers, but nothing serious or public. When you found out Fernando was single again, a flicker of hope sparked in your chest, but when you saw him go back to his playboy ways… It died down.

Sometimes you would dream of a different life, of one you never lost your best friend… or even better, one that you never had to suppress the love you felt for him. And sometimes it felt too much, like all this love was just filling up your hollow heart, filling up until it overflowed, until you felt like you were drowning in it, because there was nowhere for this love to go. And you wondered, what do I do with this love, there's no one to give it to, there's no recipient to put it. So you would just ground your teeth and bear it, holding onto anger because that much love, that much longing did nothing but cause you pain.

Every time someone mentioned him outside race weeks, you felt ashamed.

Despite being in a top team like Ferrari, you’d only get a few wins, and some podiums here and there, so it wasn’t like you didn’t achieve anything. But you were a woman so it was obviously not enough, and the media started questioning your career and your place in Formula One.

After two years of you driving for Ferrari, Domenicalli, your team principal, sat you down to let you know Fernando Alonso would be joining the team the next year, and you bit the inside of your cheek, considering just retiring. The criticism was getting to you, and the perspective of living hell with Fernando as your teammate was a broken heart all over again.

When an opportunity arose to drive for Red Bull Racing, with a two year contract, you didn’t think twice before accepting. It would be your chance to turn the tide in your career.

It sent the motorsport world into a frenzy when your new team announced you and a week later Ferrari announced Fernando as their future driver. The same narrative of you running away from him was passed ahead. And of course, it got to the paddock. Most drivers that were close to you actually congratulated you, but of course, nothing was ever good for Fernando. And despite not fully talking to him, he was always willing to throw a mean comment at you any given day.

“And people said you’re washed” Fernando said right after the news broke, the second to last race of that season, his voice dripping with venom. You knew it was a backhanded compliment, he always did that when he wanted to get a rise out of you. He smirked, waiting for your feral clapback, as you always had one on the tip of your tongue.

But when he looked back at you, your face was stony, and you were looking ahead with your chin raised. You didn’t even look at Fernando, nor answered his taunting. You pretended he wasn’t there but he noticed your eyes were misty.

That had been a low blow, even for him. He didn’t know shit about your feelings regarding your career, but he knew exactly how the world had been treating it, and it made you burn with shame that he could add insult to injury this easily. You wondered why he would say something like that if, just like you, it had been years since the last time he was champion of the world. Two years pushing yourself to the maximum so you could achieve your second championship.

Fernando had been your best friend for so long, he knew exactly what buttons to push when he wanted to hurt you.

When someone else arrived, greeting you, you cleared your throat briefly before answering and plastering a smile that never reached your eyes.

“Are you running away from me?” Fernando cornered you later that same day.

“What?” You paused.

“I went back to Renault and you left, now I’m going to Ferrari and you’re leaving,” he shrugged. You scoffed.

“I’m not sure if you know, but my life doesn’t revolve around you, Fernando.”

“Well, that’s a weird coincidence, don’t you think?”

“What do you want? Why are you here?”

Fernando paused for a second, his eyes searching yours, he looked vulnerable, open like he hadn’t been in so long. He looked every bit your best friend from years before.

“I miss you, I-” He started, then cleared his throat.

“I miss the old you,” You swallowed a whole bunch of your pride just to be able to say those words.

“Things are different now…” Fernando started, his eyes full of hoping, of longing, “We could- maybe we could-”

“Fernando, we’re too far gone, what we said- what we did…” You muttered, feeling a lump in your throat, “how do one come back from that?”

“We could restart. Try again-”

“You lost me forever that day, Fernando.” You muttered, the tears holding on to your eyelashes. You didn’t need to specify the day, he knew, he had seen in your eyes the moment he lost you, “I spent so long hearing your voice in my head, telling me I wasn’t good enough, I shouldn’t be here, and I- I hated you that day. And I had to hold onto this hate, because the alternative was overwhelming sadness.”

There was a numbing silence for a couple of minutes, as you stared down at your own feet, trying to stop all the feelings you spent years carefully locking away from breaking free. So much had happened, you believed you and Fernando were too far to recover now.

“I’m a woman here, the first and only woman in so long, and the whole world was against me. You have no idea how it felt that my best friend, the person I trusted the most, was also against me,” You shook your head, feeling the tears drop.

“I’m sorry, Nena… I’ve never- I’ve never meant any of that.” He muttered, and you didn’t look at him to see if he was being genuine. You had formed walls around your heart to protect yourself from heartbreak, and you now had a hard time believing him.

“There are some things… that are not meant to be.” You didn’t look back at Fernando after you said that, choosing to walk away with this broken heart feeling ever present.

It was hard to keep going everyday. You had always faced backlash for being a woman in Formula 1, and you were used to it. But the media took a turn over the next few years. When you didn’t win more championships, when years passed and you were still there, along with other champions and future champions. They started to call you old, washed, telling you to retire and placing bets on when you’d lose your seat. It was baffling because it had been six years since your championship, but it had been seven years since Fernando’s, but still, you were the only one whose spot was questioned all the time. It was unfair, and whenever they came up to you talking about it, you’d ask them if they’d ask the same to older drivers or other champions. They would leave you alone for a week and then come back stronger, ready to throw your whole career under the bus.

Finally, you got another chance at the championship in 2013, after an unbelievable start of the season with five consecutive wins. That had put you first in the standings for the championship, and from there on, your team molded the season around you. Smooth sailing through the season, you became world champion in Suzuka, way too far ahead in the championship to anyone be able to catch up to you.

When you stood on the podium that night, you cried happy tears. You had once again proved wrong years of demerit from the world. As you looked down to search for your family, your eyes found Fernando right beside them, a proud, emotional look on his face as he kept a hand over his heart, listening to your national anthem.

He nodded at you with a small smile, and a part of you healed a little bit.

You enjoyed a couple of days of pure bliss after becoming world champion. Parties, celebrations and trips, they were all you did for the next few weeks.

When the FIA Prize Giving ceremony came, you had another bombshell to drop at the world. You were the most stunning you ever felt that year when you arrived at the ceremony, in a beautiful dark blue dress with little crystals all over the bodice, a beautiful hairstyle and even more beautiful makeup. Never in your entire career in Formula 1, you had felt so fulfilled, so happy.

Hearing your name being called as the winner, the number one, was different this time, and had much more weight, and it made your heart burst with happiness. As you walked up the stairs to the stage, receiving your trophy, you stopped by the mic.

“Thank you so much. I’d like to thank my family for supporting me from the beginning, my team for making the perfect season, and the perfect car for me to be able to achieve this. I’d like to thank all my teammates that, in one way or another, taught me some valuable lessons as a racer. Thanks to Flavio for taking a chance on my career when probably no one else would.” You said, with a smile. You took a good look around, all the people in this sport who made Formula 1 the most important category of motorsport, all your peers, all the teams. “I’m announcing my retirement from Formula 1, as of right now.”

There was a wave of shock and loud gasps in the whole room, flashes and flashes bulbing harder than before, journalists scrambling to take notes… But you kept smiling, hand firm around your trophy as you let the news settle down before speaking again.

“In 2007 I wanted to pay Flavio back for giving me the opportunity to be here today. That debt was paid that same year. After that year I wanted to win for myself, to write my name in the history books, and my dream is now realized. I feel like I should move on and make space for new upcoming talents.” Your eyes were wet with unshed tears, but you smiled, the first genuine smile in a few years.

Fernando felt his heart drop at your words. Things weren’t supposed to go like this, you two should be best friends, drive together, retire together. Go down in history together.

“I’m grateful for everything this sport provided me, the adventures, traveling around the world, the people I met and the people I lost,” there was a calm pause, and Fernando wondered if you were talking about him too, “Now it’s time to go and achieve new dreams. Thank you very much.”

You turned around and walked away under the applause.

Later, after the ceremony was done, you were getting ready to leave when Fernando came to find you. He was dressed in a beautiful suit, looking like a million dollar man.

“Nena…”

It made you pause. It had been a while since he called you like that with that specific tone. 

“What? Came here to gloat?” You couldn’t help but be defensive, worried.

“What?”

“I knew you’d be one of the happiest when I retired.”

“No, I would not-”

“You would, Fernando. You did. Many times you said I was done, that my prime was over, that I should retire…” 

“I never thought you’d easily give up!” He shouted at you, “Like you did in 2006, not competing against me.”

“That’s because they didn’t let me compete! Do you think I couldn’t have competed with you back in ‘06? I could, but every time, they would tell me to back off, to let you pass, to not fight you, to not overtake you-” You threw at his face, because you wouldn’t stand there and let him look down on you like that. You refused to back down now that you were finally free. “Pat threatened my seat if disobeyed team orders.”

“What?! Why did you never tell me that?” Fernando looked shocked. His fighting stance was completely gone now.

“You were going to be World Champion again. I would never take that from you,” You whispered, voice failing.

“Nena…” He said, like he wanted to drop everything. “Please, don’t leave. If Red Bull don’t want you, you can find another spot with another team, we can think of something.”

“Fernando, I’m not leaving because the team doesn't want me. In fact, they offered me a 3 year extension.”

“That’s not how it was supposed to go, remember? We planned that-” His voice was kinder than it had been to you in many years, “We would go down in history together. Win together, retire together.”

“When push comes to shove, only one wins… We learned that the hard way.” I say, with a sad smile, “Life doesn’t always go as planned. And I got everything I could ever want from Formula 1. Now it’s time for new stuff.”

“What new stuff?”

“I want to have a family, Fernando. People don’t stick around long for this lifestyle, you know that-” You shook your head.

With one last look at Fernando, your eyes watered, and you walked away.

Sitting on the porch, you looked up at the sky, thinking of what’s next for you. It had been months since you announced your retirement from Formula 1. The new season had already begun. It was your birthday, a refreshing new one.

You heard steps coming closer and your heartbeat sped up as you saw Fernando walking up to you. He sat down by your side, holding a pint of ice cream and two spoons. He handed one to you and in silence, you started eating ice cream.

“I’ve been looking for you,” he said after a few minutes of silence.

“Was it hard to find me?” You asked, with a tentative smile.

“It only took me my whole life to find you again…” He said, wistfully, his eyes shining under moonlight and you didn’t know if those were unshed tears or not, “my best friend, my nena, my girl…”

“I’ve always been here. Right here.” You said, eyes watering. You weren’t sure you could explain what that here meant, but somehow you knew he would understand.

Fernando took your hand, gently placing it on his chest, right above his heart.

“Right here,” he whispered, pressing his hand above yours, over his beating heart, “you were always here.”

Then, he kissed you. For the first time in more than a decade, for what felt like the first time for both of you. As his other hand pulled you closer, the kiss deepened, like a prayer and a promise. Both of you knew there was a lot of resentment to navigate through, and a lot of feelings you’d both have to unravel and understand. But there was one thing that was always there, through hate, anger and hurt… And it was love, unshaken, steadfast love.

As you broke apart, Fernando pulled you into him, hugging you tight for a few minutes, before pulling away to hold your face with both hands, his eyes looking into yours with so much devotion it melted everything away.

“We will be alright.”

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[nicoline1998enilocin]

My lovely grandma, want to request something.

Bucky x Reader, where she is teasing him until he can't hold back and they have a lot of fun then.

Thank you, grandma😌😌

Crossing the line

PAIRING | 40's!Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 1.1K

SUMMARY | Bucky has taken you out on a date, and you have decided to tease him. When you take it too far, Bucky completely loses all of his composure and shows you a side of him you've never seen before.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Established relationship [ Boyfriend & Girlfriend ], smut [ porn without plot, RIP dress, dirty talk, lots of praise, oral (m receiving), face fucking, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), Bucky pulling out, implied aftercare ].

A/N | I hope you enjoy what I've done with this one, and I can't wait to see what else you have in mind for me in the future! 🖤

Likes, comments and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💚

Divider is made by @firefly-graphics | 18+ banner is made by yours truly

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Your boyfriend, Bucky, has always been nothing but a true gentleman to you, but over time, you have learned that there is a bit of a darker side to the man you love - especially during sex.

It's not like the two of you have never done anything in the bedroom, but it has always been vanilla, and you're craving more than that. It is precisely why you've been teasing him the entire time over dinner, to see if you can get it out of him.

You got more than you bargained for, however.

As soon as Bucky shuts the door to your apartment behind him, he pushes you against the wall, crashing his lips on yours, working his tongue into your mouth immediately.

His hands rip all the buttons of your dress open, and he doesn't care that it's brand new; he'll get the money to buy you a new one at some point.

When he moves his kisses down your neck and towards your breasts, you let out a deep moan because he manages to find your most sensitive spots before he even finds your nipples.

''Hm, are you that much of a slut for my cock? You just had to tease me until I couldn't take it anymore, huh? Well, you've done it now because I'm going to fuck you until you're a babbling mess on my cock, and everyone will know who's making you go completely fuck dumb because all you will scream is my fucking name,'' he says as he slips the bra from your body.

Your nipples pebble at the feeling of cool air against them, but Bucky immediately attaches his mouth to one of them, sucking and tugging softly with his tongue, your hands looking for anything to hold to ground yourself a little.

''B-Bucky, please!'' you grunt as his teeth graze past your nipple, his fingers squeezing and rolling the other one so much it has you bucking your hips to get closer to him. Closer to where you need him so bad.

''Sounds so good when you beg for me, doll. Want you begging all the time for my cock,'' Bucky tells you once he lets go of your nipple, his lips now at your ear.

He took his clothes off in record time before pulling your panties down, his cock now rock hard and almost looking painful, precum dripping from the tip.

''Get on your fucking knees so that I can fuck that beautiful face of yours. I will use you as my fucktoy now because that's all you're good for, after all. You act like a cockslut; you get treated like one,'' he says before he shoves you on your knees, and you open your mouth instinctively, your tongue hanging out of your mouth while you wait.

''Hands behind your back,'' he orders sternly, and you immediately obey, wanting to do everything to be good for him.

''Good fucking girl,'' he groans, feeding you his cock, tapping it on your tongue a few times before shoving it in your mouth. You suck in your cheeks, and Bucky lets out a hiss at the feeling; the hand that is not feeding you his cock is fisted in your hair to keep you exactly where you are.

He thrusts into your mouth more and more until he's hitting your gag reflex, and he throws his head back in pleasure as he hears you gag around his length.

''Sounds so good, doll. You sound so fucking good when you choke on this dick,'' he grunts as he picks up the pace, one of his hands still fisted into your hair while the other is against the wall, giving him the leverage he needs to fuck your throat.

Your moans around his cock send shivers down his spine, and he's suddenly very close to his orgasm, so he pulls back, and you whine at the loss of him inside your mouth.

''Give it back...'' you croak out, but Bucky laughs mischievously.

''Don't worry, doll, you'll get it back, just not inside your mouth. 'M gonna use that perfectly tight cunt of yours until you can't walk for days on end,'' he says, and your eyes grow wide at the thought, already salivating.

Bucky pulls you up, but your knees buckle at the sudden movement, so he picks you up, letting you wrap your legs around him as he carries you to the bedroom.

''Did my little cockslut already get so fuckdumb, huh? You're being the perfect fucktoy for me right now, and as a reward, I'm going to stuff your cunt so fucking full you're going to feel me for days,'' he says, and you can feel the slick dripping down your thighs.

He throws you on the bed and manhandles you onto your hands and knees, not caring about bruises now. He places one of his hands between your shoulder blades to keep you in your place while he guides his cock into you with the other.

''B-Bucky, ohmygod,'' you moan loudly as you feel him sliding in, hitting your sweet spot right on the first thrust. It feels much better than usual because he isn't using protection this time, but the two of you always talked about trying without it for once; you've been together for nearly five years.

''Still so fucking tight for me, god, you're the best fucktoy for me, doll,'' he grunts as he sets a brutal pace, both hands now on your hips as he snaps his hips in and out of you, sounds of skin slapping against skin and your combined moans and groans are bouncing through the room.

''F-fuck, gonna cum,'' you whine, and Bucky snakes his arm around you, his fingers finding your clit without a single problem until you're a moaning, whining mess underneath him, letting him fuck you through your orgasm.

''Getting close too, doll,'' Bucky grits through his teeth as he keeps up his pace, but right before he's about the shoot his cum deep into you, he pulls out, jerking himself off and letting his hot, white cum land over your pussy and ass with a deep groan.

You collapse onto the bed, and Bucky lets himself fall beside you, ensuring he does not hurt you. After laying there to gather his strength for a few minutes, he grabs a warm washcloth to clean you up.

''Love you so much, doll,'' Bucky whispers as he pulls you closer, and you hum appreciatively since you're getting sleepy after everything Bucky did.

''Love you too, Bucky,'' you say, and Bucky places a soft kiss on your neck before nuzzling his face in there, pulling you closer and cuddling with you.

[eternalbuckley]

Insecurities. — evan buckley

SUMMARY: Reader gets insecure about their body after meeting Taylor Kelly. Buck is their to comfort them and tell them how beautiful they are.

word count: 1,166

genre: fluff, comfort | gn!reader, queer!reader, bipoc!reader and plus-size!reader friendly

warnings: a tiny bit of angst, heavy fluff, reader being insecure about their body, mention about weight lose, mention of comments from bullies, established relationship, use of pet names (babe, darling, my love), english is not my first language — if i forgot something, please let me know!

a/n: Thank you for this request anon, I'M SO SORRY tumblr deleted your request (i didn't know it would happen if you put in in your drafts.. guess i learned something new) but I still hope you'll find this story. I hope you had an amazing day as well! This topic is a very important one for me and I'm super sorry that it's so short but I still like the end result and I truly hope you'll like it. Might write more stories that are about comfort in the future soon! Enjoy reading 🫶

disclaimer: please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work or post this anywhere without my consent. do not translate my work and post it anywhere — i give you no permission to do that. i only post my stories here, so if you find my work anywhere else please let me know! reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated and welcomed!

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Why was she so beautiful? Or is? Why would he be with you? He could go back to her immediately. Or even back to anyone else he dated so far or could date.

'She is prettier than you anyway,' you kept asking yourself these questions while you were standing in front of your mirror and looking at your body.

She’s skinnier than you, why would he be with someone like you? Taylor Kelly seemed to be perfect and you thought you were not.

“She’s so gorgeous…” you mumbled to yourself with tears in your eyes.

You slowly started sobbing more and tried to ignore your insecure thoughts but they were too much. You didn’t like your body, being plus size was always something you knew most of society wouldn’t accept. ‘You have to be skinny to get men’s attention’, ‘Be pretty’, ‘Don’t be fat’, ‘If you’re plus size you’re ugly’ and so much more. It was exhausting, especially hearing comments like these in your teenage years. They always made you insecure and you ended up crying in your room many many times. You didn’t know what to do and nothing ever helped. You tried a lot of ways to lose weight and get skinnier but nothing worked. People made fun of you for that and since then you never really got over your insecurities.

How can be the world such a cruel place for something you can’t control?

You didn’t want to let stupid comments from those people ruin your life. But your insecurities came back after you recently met Taylor Kelly, one of your boyfriends, ex-girlfriends.

You knew what she looked like from seeing her on your TV but in reality, she was much more beautiful and skinnier than you. And that made you insecure. You didn’t exactly know what happened between her and Buck and why they broke up. But if you would only go after looks, she would win against you. At least that’s what you kept thinking about yourself.

Buck on the other hand was the happiest person on earth knowing he had you on his side. It has been almost two years since you officially got into a relationship and he has been the happiest since then. He always made sure to compliment you every single day. Whether it was in person or over texts but he never forgot. Not one day. He loved seeing you blushing over his compliments and genuinely being happy about his words. They let you feel better. He just didn’t know how insecure it made you meeting Taylor, not yet.

Buck came up behind you and kissed your cheek. He wrapped his arms around you and eventually noticed the tears in your eyes and your sobs.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” He turned you around and hugged you.

You snuggled up into him and hid your face in his chest without answering his question. You finally let go of your tears and cried in his arms. He whispered sweet nothings to you and rubbed your back to comfort you. He sat down with you on your shared bed and let you cry it all out. Buck always wanted to make sure that you feel loved and comfortable in his presence. But one thing that was really important to him, was to give you always the time you need. It didn’t matter for what reason. If it was just for you to get ready for a date or even giving you all the time to feel comfortable around him. He would always wait for you. Which wasn’t the easiest part for you as well but you trusted Buck with your life. You loved him and how happy he made you. How he made sure that you feel completely safe with him. You admired this side of him the most.

You eventually stopped sobbing after some time and slowly got calm. You still didn’t let go of him but he tried to ask you again about the reason for your current emotional state.

You sighed, your voice was still trembling. “Taylor Kelly…”

He furrowed his eyebrows and tried to look at you but you still hid your face in his chest. “What about her? Did she say something to you? Do I need to talk with her to leave you alone? Did she-“

“No, no,” you slightly chuckled about his protective side and turned your head to look at him. “I just- Have you seen her? She’s gorgeous, Buck. Look at how skinny she is compared to me. I’m just me and she? She’s Taylor Kelly. A beautiful and no plus-sized girl. Like… Why are you with me? You could have her or any other person that is skinnier than I am, Buck.”

Your insecurities were growing again while you were looking at your boyfriend. You saw his admiring eyes but speaking your insecurity out loud was hard. That’s probably a reason you spoke faster than usual. His eyes showed a hint of sadness, about your words. Hearing you talking about yourself in that way hurt him because he didn't want that you are hurting. Buck knew about your past and what your former classmates did and said to you, he thinks it's horrible and you would never deserve that. No one would. Bullying is one of the worst things someone can experience and seeing what this can do to people hurts him the most. Especially seeing his most important person (you) like that. Buck wished he could take away all your pain and turn it into something beautiful.

Buck kissed your forehead, “And I absolutely don’t care about this at all. I have the most beautiful person sitting in my arms right now. And let me tell you, every time I look at this person my heart swells so badly because of all the love my heart holds for that one special person. That is sitting in my arms by the way, in case I didn’t mention that already.” He took a breath. “And I love them with my entire life, no one can compare to them at all. They’re the definition of beauty.”

Tears build up in your eyes again and you kissed his jaw. Buck chuckled and nudged your nose.

“I would never want to be with Taylor or any other person just because they look different than you. I really don’t care about this, my love. I only care about you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re the most beautiful and kind person I’ve ever seen and no one can ever compare to you. I love you and nothing can and will ever change that.”

He eventually softly kissed you on the lips which caused a smile on yours.

“I love you too, Buck. And I never want to lose you," your voice was still a bit weak.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. You won’t get rid of me that easily, darling.” He grinned at you and kissed your nose afterwards.

[nanamis-bigtie]

a lot has happened lately, but so far i haven't made any official statement about my decisions and the path i want to take as a writer. it was a long road of trial and error & detailed examination of conscience in regard of my bad habits, gained experience, and goals and expectations. there are some massive changes that i need to address, followed by explanation of my decisions. i know i don't need to explain myself but i feel it's only fair to my loyal readers to share at least little insight into the context.

I. One Piece goes on indefinite vacation...

not going to lie, i was falling out of this fandom for years. it's started in 2021 when i fell victim to bullying and stalking, initiated by a widely-known (and still active, as far as i am aware of) x reader writer. it's the biggest reason for my slow withdrawal but not a sole one: pressing discourse around my comfort characters, toxic environment i fell into when looking for a relief from relentless bullying, forcing myself to write for topics and characters i didn't even like, readers overstepping my boundaries over and over again, falling into a trap of purity culture...oh, the list is long. way too long.

i still love one piece but i don't want to create for it en-masse anymore. right now it's just a wound that's far from healing, i need to treat it at my own pace. aside from an occasional poke at sapphic topics and my fav trio, i doubt it will appear in other way than commissions or gifts for friends. and some characters (kid, sanji, marco, katakuri, shanks & a few more) will never return.

II. ...but new fandoms arrive!

jujutsu kaisen is right now the main love of my life & will remain as the main fandom for long. but i found more series and characters i adore enough to feel that creative spark buzzing in my veins. soon you should see fics appearing for: demon slayer, chainsaw man, haikyuu and hell's paradise!

i'm keeping my head low rn when it comes to requests but i want to hold at least a kinktober open for them so you definitely will have an opportunity to see your faves from those series from me!

III. It's a gender neutral & afab Y/N sphere now!

it's something that was inevitably floating over me and my fics (and some of y'all definitely caught the whiff of it already), but i couldn't quite find courage to put a hard limit. we all know how it is in the y/n circles: way too many people expect from writers to cater to everyone, and treat it as a personal offense if you prefer to play in your own sandbox. as if writing y/ns was "activism", not a fandom activity like any other.

so, i won't force myself to write against myself anymore. i feel the most happy and comfortable when i make my y/ns gender neutral and when i'm giving them vaginas (and sometimes boobs) when i'm writing smut with them. i don't want to battle my weirdly-veiled dysphoria to force female reader out of myself. i don't want to stress myself while writing amab y/n, from the sheer biological fact of being unable to relate via lack of penis, to being sick and tired of the toxicity and misogyny that m!reader circles reek of.

so, gender neutral and afab it is. sometimes i will stray towards afab nonbinary or transmasc direction, if i feel like i need some good gender vibes coming from my fics.

it doesn't mean i will never write different y/ns. commissions, gifts for friends, exchanges, random ideas for a plot that requires a specific kind of y/n, sapphics feels, and such will appear here and there. i will also interact lots with f!reader fics, since it's what i see lots around & don't mind reading, if i feel more fem or if it's from a writer i like and trust.

incoming ino x reader (that i hope to publish tomorrow) will be the last non-sapphic f!reader that will appear for a long while. all requests i'm keeping in my drafts right now will be turned into completely gender neutral or from fem to more general afab reader (i don't have any requests for amab readers rn anyway). unless you really don't want to have f!reader taken out of your request - then please, let me know, i will delete it so you can head with it to a different writer.

IV. Never miss a fic again - sign for a tag list!

and now a little treat! if you don't want to miss a fic about the topic that might interest you, you may sign for a tag list by filling a simple form!

V. And what am I going to do now?

write, write, and write even more! i wanna write the in the heat of spring drabbles before the spring is gone, have three fully-fledged multichapter fics outlined and itching to be written and posted, and an interactive event with which we will welcome the summer 💦

in june i want to publish a few sapphic fics that i had in mind for a while now & later towards the second half of summer (think august-september) i'll smile at you again with a kinktober i really want to complete this year!

there might be a few smaller events on the way, depending on how busy i'll be. there's an idea for dilf enjoyers and for a chubby y/n, as well as many others that still didn't take a clear shape.

i also didn't forget about the kiss event and nonsexual acts of intimacy for the fluff enjoyers!

if you survived this wall of text (or just scrolled down here lol understandable) - thank you for your patience, understanding, and support. whether you're here with me since the very beginning or clicked the follow recently, i'm happy to have you here ❤ if you have any questions or just want to talk, my askbox is open for any kind of interaction! and if you want to support a poor writer who has way too many health-related spendings lately, you can buy me a ko-fi ❤

[ssanovak]

Would the Same Pressure Pull You Under?

TRIGGER WARNINGS; Depression, self destructive behaviour, self harm, blood, drug abuse mention, child abuse mention, usual BAU heavy topic cases. 

3596 words.

@skievers​‘ request; Reid sees readers scars and starts to pester her about it and gets concerned because he sees it’s fresh. She does it because the trauma of what they see at the BAU on cases (especially ones with kids) and she thinks no one cares about her. Spencer soon tells her she does. Ensue fluff 🥹

You took a deep breath as you sat in your car outside the office. You weren’t having a good day, in fact it was one of the worst days you’d had in a long time, but you couldn’t or wouldn’t call in sick to work. You didn’t want anyone to know you were struggling with your mental health. You wouldn’t ever shame anyone else for needing mental health support, your adopted brother was on antidepressants and had a regular therapist ever since you could remember, so shame wasn’t the reason you didn’t want anyone to know.

You didn’t want anyone to know because you didn’t want to bother them.

They all had their own issues going on, and you saw yourself as the official mom friend of the BAU and if anything even appeared to bother you then you knew they would stop coming to you with their issues and you didn’t want to cut off the only outlet most of them had. It took a lot for them to trust anyone to confide in and you didn’t want to shut that trust down again. But it was a lot of pressure on you to keep yourself from being pulled under with the weight of it all. Another tear slipped down your face and you wiped it away furiously. You pulled the sun visor down in front of you and slid open the mirror compartment. You fiddled with your hair, trying to get the shoulder length curls to sit properly and then looked yourself straight in the eye and took another deep breath. Your eyes weren’t bloodshot or red, you just needed to hold it together long enough to walk into work and you knew it would be easier to push your issues back under the rock you felt in your heart when you saw your friends.

You closed the mirror slider once more and pushed the visor back up. Another deep breath later and you took your keys out of the ignition slot, pulled on the door handle and then pushed the door open next to you. You reached over and grabbed your bag from the passenger seat and got out, adjusting your clothes slightly as you checked that your sleeves were pulled down completely. It was a bit warmer out than you’d have liked it to be, and you ran like a broken boiler year round so you knew you didn’t need the cardigan, but you didn’t have a long sleeved shirt and had to keep your arms covered for the foreseeable future. Once the cuts were healed it might be a different story, but for now the wounds on your skin were far too fresh for comfort, and you knew it wouldn’t take a profiler to put two and two together once anyone saw the marks, unfortunately your colleagues were all profilers, so it would take even less time for them to connect the dots.

You swung your backpack around your shoulders and winced as the strap ran over your wrist but quickly forced your face into a neutral posture before locking your car, putting your keys into your pocket and making your way into the building. You walked over to the elevator and pressed the button for your floor and waited as the numbers across the top of the doors indicated the elevator was at the top of the building.

“Doctor Strange, nice choice! Did you know that Doctor Strange was introduced as a Marvel Comics Superhero in…”

“July 1963, as a backup strip in Strange Tales no. 110” You turned beaming to Spencer Reid as he looked at you with awe.

“You read comics too?”

“Of course! I’ll read anything I can get a hold of, especially if it happens to be the source material for one of my favourite Marvel Cinematic Universe characters, who is played by one of my favourite actors!” You found yourself relaxing talking about one of your biggest combination of interests, books, films and actors. You stepped into the elevator and Spencer joined you, smiling as he listened to you. Spencer liked telling people things, statistics and facts mainly, it was one of the times he felt most comfortable, and with anyone else he might be thrown off by the fact that you seemed to know more than him, but he stood listening intently hanging onto your every word.

When the two of you walked through the glass doors that lead to your office you went to go straight to your desk until you were stopped by Emily, “Hey you two, stop flirting and come join us in the conference room!”

“Uh we weren’t… I don’t… We have a case?” You stammered and felt yourself blush crimson.

“I’m teasing you Y/N, no need to be embarrassed!” You looked up and Emily put her hand on your arm, intended to be a kind gesture but it caused the fresh cuts on your skin to burn under the pressure.

You forced yourself to smile through slightly gritted teeth, “I knew that”.

“Sure you did, you coming?”

“I’ll be there in a second, want to dump my bag first” You nodded towards your colleague and watched as she walked back towards the stairs.

You turned to put your bag down in your chair only to find the space occupied.

“What was that about?”

“What?”

“When Emily touched your arm, you flinched. I don’t think she noticed but I did, now you want to tell me what’s going on?” Spencer had one of your pencils in his hands and you watched mesmerised for a moment as he twirled it between his fingers effortlessly.

“Uh, not really, come on Spence, get out of my chair, we’re gonna be the last two in there at this rate” You mumbled as you caught glimpse of Hotch on his way out of his office.

“Okay, but will you talk to me afterwards?” He bargained, still sat at your desk.

“Okay, okay, just scram will you!” You laughed, hoping it didn’t sound as fake as it felt.

He moved quickly and dumped his own belongings at his desk, other than the bag that he seemed to never be anywhere without. You put your backpack on your chair and pulled out your water bottle taking it and a pen with you up to the conference room.

JJ got on with explaining the case you were about to be jetting off to, but your head was elsewhere. You absent mindedly doodled on a blank piece of paper that you’d found at the back of the folder she had handed you when you walked into the room.

“Y/N, you listening?” Hotch asked after a couple of minutes.

“Huh…? Yeah, of course, sorry doodling helps me think.” You said, and tried to concentrate on the rest of the briefing, but the concern about your impending conversation with Spencer was eating at your insides and you quickly found yourself zoning out again.

When everyone else got up to leave the room you were still drawing and staring off absently, you only moved when the opening of the door made you jump. You stood up abruptly only for a hand on your shoulder to sit you back down again.

As everyone else left Hotch gave a look at the two of you still sat at the table and nodded to Spencer, trusting that he’d be able to get you to talk about whatever it was that was bothering you.

When the door shut again Spencer turned to look at you and said “Spill, what’s upsetting you?”

“Honestly nothing, I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted, please can we just go and get ready to leave?” you said, looking towards the door.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on! You look after everyone else without ever really telling us how you are, and I don’t know why you do that but I want you to know that people care.” He rested a hand on your shoulder and turned you back to look at him, his deep hazel eyes filled with concern.

“Oh shush Spencer, nobody really cares about me, I’m insignificant. If I wasn’t here nobody would bat an eyelid, you’d just replace me with the next person to be suggested for the job and never look back.” You looked down into your lap, feeling tears threatening to burst the dam that your eyelids created.

“Then I must be nobody.”

“What?” you looked up anger rising, you weren’t one to get angry often but you didn’t like how he was speaking about himself.

“You said nobody cares about you, but I do, so I must be nobody.” He explained, his hands talking as much as his mouth.

“That sounds awful, please don’t say that about yourself” Your face creased into a frown and you looked down into your hands, fiddling with a loose thread off the end of your sleeve.

“Then will you do the same?” he pleaded.

“Huh?” you tilted your head to one side but you didn’t look back up this time.

“You want me to speak better of myself, so will you do the same?” he explained gently.

“If you want me to” you answered flatly.

“No, not because I want you to, for yourself.”

“I’m not sure I can do that Spence”, you said looking back up at his face.

“Then can I?”

You nod, pulling a little at your sleeves as he leant closer to you, in barely more than a whisper he spoke, “Y/N, you’re one of the most amazing people I have ever met, you’re kind courteous even when people don’t deserve the respect, considerate of everyone else’s feelings and always want everyone to know that they’re safe to talk to you about whatever they’re going through,” he paused, looking down at his own hands and smiled softly before continuing, “I don’t know what’s going on in your head right now but I do know for a fact that you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you want to talk to me, Penny, JJ, Emily, Derek or Dave, hell even Hotch would be there for you if you needed him to be. You’re wrong, thinking we’d just be able to replace you if you left. If you left there would be a Y/N shaped piece missing from our team, because you have made us all better people by simply existing, and I hope you know that, truly.”

A tear rolled down your cheek, and then another, and another, until you were sobbing wiping your face with your sleeves and you turned away embarrassed about crying so hard at work.

“Don’t turn away, would you like a hug?” Spencer turned you back towards him and held his arms out for you. You nodded and he pulled you towards him awkwardly as the arms of the chair got in the way, but if he was uncomfortable he didn’t say anything as he held you and let you cry onto his shoulder.

When you felt like you’d cried as much as you would ever cry again you lifted your head. You went to wipe your face with your sleeves when Spencer stopped you and handed you a tissue from the box on the centre of the table.

“Now, would you like to talk about why you, the woman who boils hotter than the sun at the equator, is wearing a cardigan inside in the summer?”

“Not really”

“Y/N, there is no judgement coming from me, please explain to me what’s going on.”

You sighed and went to remove your cardigan, your right arm first and were a lot more tentative when it came to your left. You tried to pull it off only to feel the fabric was stuck to your wounds and you winced. As you pulled it slowly away from your arm and took your hand out of the sleeve you looked away as you put the clothing down on the table.

“Why?”

“Why did I do it? Honestly a few different reasons…”

“No, why didn’t you clean them up, dress the wounds, why aren’t you taking care of yourself?”

“I.. Uh, what?”

“I’ve known for a while that this is one of your vices, we can talk about the reasons why if you want to, but can we at least get them cleaned up first?”

“Wait, so you’re not going to give me the lecture about how ‘this isn’t a good way to deal with your feelings’ and try and talk me through a million different scenarios and possibilities like elastic bands and red pen?” You asked, incredulously.

“Would that help?” He looked up from where he’d been examining the cuts with care.

“Not really, it’s just what people usually do. I think you’re the only person not to freak out.”

“When you get to this point, when it all gets too overbearing and you feel like there’s nothing else you can possibly do to quiet whatever’s going on in your head, or you feel like you deserve it, whether it’s punishment or just to feel something because everything inside of you feels numb does it feel like you have a choice?” his voice was barely audible above the chatter outside and you wondered whether this was something he’s researched or whether this was more personal.

“No”

“Me neither. I mean, different vices but they’re an addiction at the end of the day, right? Only my addiction was something I was injecting into my own veins, and yours is something about the blade, or the blood or the pain, the tangible feeling of having something you can do to avoid or punish whatever is going on in your head.”

You grabbed one of Spencer’s hands and held it in yours, squeezing it quickly before letting go, a stray tear leaving your eyes once more. He reached up with his other hand and wiped your cheek, before wiping his own tear away and clearing his throat.

“Are you okay if I leave to get the first aid kit or should I ask Emily to bring it in? And before you freak out, Emily is the one I went to when I was at my worst, she listens and won’t ever judge or talk about it if you don’t want her to.”

“Ask Emily.” You mumbled in response.

“Okay, I’ll call her quickly.” Spencer got his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number waiting for Emily to pick up before asking her to bring the first aid kid and then briefly explaining that you both were okay.

When she opened the door to the conference room Emily was greeted by a scene she wasn’t sure she knew what to do with, until she saw your arm. She came in and shut the door behind her, kneeling down in front of you opening the first aid kit and resting her hands on her legs.

“You want to hold Spencer’s hand whilst I clean it up, or you want Spencer to clean it up whilst I hold your hand? No I won’t be offended if you pick his hand” She added, with a wink.

You laughed, a true laugh this time, “Uh, Spencer’s hand, if that’s okay with you Spence?”

“Of course” he replied, moving to the right hand side of you and taking your hand in his as Emily held your left wrist up to get a better look at the cuts.

“Okay, this will sting,” she said, getting out a bottle of saline after she put some blue gloves on. She grabbed some gauze and soaked it with saline and slowly wiped over your arm, checking your face for a reaction. When you didn’t flinch she focused on the cut highest up your arm and you grit your teeth as she cleaned it out more thoroughly. You gripped Spencer’s hand tightly and he put his other hand on your back and rubbed soothing circles. Once Emily had finished cleaning your wounds and had wrapped a bandage around your arm she looked up to you and said, “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Sorry?” you asked tilting your head to one side with confusion.

“I bought some colourful plasters, no more of the boring ‘skin tone’ ones that don’t match anyone’s actual skin tone” She explained using her hands to indicate quotation marks around ‘skin tone’, “So what’s your favourite?”

Before you could answer Spencer spoke up from beside you, “It’s purple.”

You looked at him and smiled, you were starting to believe that maybe people did really care about you.

“Purple coming right up!” Emily beamed and stuck the end of the bandage down with a deep purple plaster. “Okay, I’ll leave you two now, if you need anything else let me know, I’ll let the team know that you just need some time but you’ll be ready by 9am, it’s currently 8:45, you think that’ll be enough time?”

You nodded and said “Thank you, so much.”

“No need to thank me silly, I’m here for my friends, whatever they need” Emily smiled and stood up, taking the first aid kit with her and leaving.

Only once she was gone did you realise you were still holding onto Spencer’s hand. You let go quickly and felt your cheeks blush bright red again, “Sorry.”

“For what?” Spencer turned his head to look at you and it was his turn to be confused.

“Never mind” You said, smiling at him.

“You want to talk about anything else?”

“I have a question, but it might be too personal, and I don’t want to upset you”

“Fire away” he said and you turned your chair towards him.

“When you were listing all the reasons that someone might use one of their vices, which one fit you?” you looked down at your lap and picked at one of your fingernails where the nail polish was chipping slightly.

“Multiple reasons, mainly to forget, to get out of my own head, and then when we had difficult cases it became a release of tension. If you want to, you can tell me which of them fit you.” He added after his answer.

“Punishment, and when things got too much.”

“What were you punishing yourself for?” he asked quietly.

“Jesse.”

“La Plata, Colorado?”

“That’s the one” you nod and clasp your hands together, twisting a ring around your middle finger.

“That wasn’t your fault, that wasn’t anyone’s fault but Benjamin Cyrus’ who brainwashed her into believing he truly loved her. Nothing anyone could have said would have stopped her from pressing that button once she got hold of the switch” Spencer explained, quickly.

“I should’ve at least tried to talk her down,” you felt tears prickling your eyes again as you thought of the young girl’s situation.

“In staying behind you would’ve put yourself in imminent danger.”

“If I could have changed her mind, there wouldn’t have been any danger, we could’ve both walked out of there alive.

“Or you could have died.” Spencer’s voice gave away little hint of the despair he felt at the way you seemed to wish to throw your life away so flippantly.

“At least I would’ve tried.”

“I wish there was something I could say to reassure you that we did everything we could in going to that ranch in the first place. From the minute Emily and I spoke to her she was so wrapped up in her perceived love for him that I doubt anything you could’ve said would’ve changed her mind.”

“Really?”

“Y/N, if I’d thought there was a chance to change her mind I wouldn’t have shouted for you and Morgan to run. But I do wish it could have been different.” He said, looking down at his hands.

“You do?” you ask, barely audibly.

“Every time we lose an innocent life it takes it’s toll. We just have to believe that we do everything within our power to help or the ‘what if’s’ would eat us alive.”

“Thank you Spence.”

“For what?” he asked, looking back up at you.

“For being honest with me, for telling me that these things affect you too, for letting me know that I’m not alone with these feelings.”

“Thank you for staying here to listen, you could’ve easily stood up and walked out, I wouldn’t have tried to stop you, to me you staying here and being vulnerable with me was the biggest show of strength and willingness to let others in, and you should be proud of yourself for being open to knowing you’re not alone”.

“You’re one of a kind Spencer Reid, you always know just what to say.”

“Oh not always, but fortunately, when it matters.”

You smiled at him as the both of you stood up. You went to throw your cardigan back on when you realised it wasn’t clean any more.

“You have a spare in your go bag?” Spencer asked, nodding to the clothing in your hands.

You nodded and he signalled for you to wait there and he ran to your desk where you kept your go bag in the bottom drawer. He came back a minute later and handed you the spare cardigan and you thanked him with a kiss on the cheek. Now it was his turn to blush and he ran his hand through his hair and down the back of his neck laughing. The pair of you walked out of the conference room together and Rossi and Prentiss shared a knowing look as you wrapped your arm in Spencer’s as you all headed to the plane.

[boonsmoon]

Are there any other rules for making requests? Like are there any specific characters or other topics you will or won't cover? Are there any other fandoms you cover? How many characters can we ask about in a single request? And will we get less headcanons if we ask for more characters? For Persona specifically, can we ask about Confidants or characters from side games? Feel free to add anything else. Sorry about all the questions, just want to be sure. Thanks and have a fantastic day!

I'm gonna turn this into my new pinned post so don't mind the first portion.

You may call me Moon. I'm 18+ and in college, so reqs might be slow. I go by she/her and my first (and only) language is English. Warning: I don’t proof read, more like briefly scan so you can correct me.

Masterlist

Let's make this easy and sort into sections lol

Characters

WILL:

Children (PLATONIC ONLY)

Teens (mostly platonic, late teens could be romantic)

Adults (platonic + romantic)

Robot/Mech (full on robo will be platonic, but mech features can be romantic)

WON'T:

Animal (like full on, animal features are OK) i.e. dog reader x dog character = no reader with cat tail x character = yes Characters like Morgana are the exception with being humanoid

Genres/Dynamics

WILL:

Character x reader (m + f)

Character x character

You can request multiple genres i.e. fluff to angst

Fluff

Angst (not good, but I try)

Horror (I'll give it my best shot)

Platonic

Romantic

Oneshot

Headcanons

WON'T:

Lime/Lemon

Yandere (clingy OK)

Dead Dove

Incest/Pedophilia/Abuse

Character x OC

Fandoms (more will be added)

WILL:

Record of Ragnarok (ROR)

Ragna Crimson

Howl's Moving Castle (Movie)

Legend of Zelda (LOZ)

Heaven Official's Blessing (TGCF)

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS)

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (MGRR)

Devil May Cry (DMC)

A Date With Death (ADWD)

WON'T:

I will write any fandom listed, the reason it's like that is because I probably won't know most fandoms outside what I have

Limits

I would prefer 3 or less characters in one request, however if you go one or two over it won't be ignored, just will take vastly longer

Headcanons will NOT be shortened if there are more characters, I usually have a lot to write headcanon wise, so they'll all be beefy

Persona

Persona isn't on the list and probably won't be anytime soon, BUT if it ever does get added, I will allow Confidants or side game characters

Where To Request

My inbox is open if I'm taking requests; but you can comment your request too

If my inbox is closed that means I'm not taking requests, anything commented will be ignored or pushed very far back

Crossover Requests

I have a post here if you're interested

Hope this answered all questions you and anyone else had

[nocandnc]

Besides kn8 i can see you're in a ton of fandoms and I'm curious to ask, what are some good mangas you've read/animes watched that you'd recommend? I'm bored and desperate to binge lol

Aaaaaah, this is tough to answer because I like sooo many things of sooo many varieties lol I'm afraid liking Kn8 as much as I do is very unusual for me since I normally find battle Shounen tiring... but every now and then, there'll be an exception!!

One manga I've been reading since it first started is Rumiko Takahashi's MAO, published in Shounen Sunday. If you've enjoyed some of her past works (Ranma 1/2, Urusei Yatsura, Inuyasha, Kyoukai no Rinne, Maison Ikkoku, etc. etc.) then this one is definitely worth checking out. It may not be the flashiest series ever - the author is in her sixties after all - but she's put out quality stories for decades and MAO is no exception. Rather, it's one of my favorite Takahashi works by far. Plot-wise I'll say it's something of a murder mystery at heart, though there's also time travel, onmyouji magic and romcom fun as well. Currently ongoing at 250 chapters, there's plenty to keep you busy lol

Another manga I have to recommend at every opportunity is Yugami-kun ni wa Tomodachi ga Inai. There's no official English translation, but the series is complete at 81 chapters and fully translated by fans online. It's a slice of life series about Chihiro, a girl who's just transferred to a new school and is desperate to make friends after years of moving from town to town. There she meets the titular Yugami-kun, who prides himself on being a loner who doesn't need or want friends. Simple, right? Yes it is. Just a simple slice of life. But trust me when I say, IT IS THE GREATEST SLICE OF LIFE YOU'LL EVER FIND. In my opinion lol

As for more popular things, I'm also keeping up with Dandadan and Spy x Family these days ^^;; Dandadan is wild insanity in the funnest way possible, but also covers a lot of really heavy topics which I appreciate. Spy x Family is delightful of course, but also not without dark times - I really do love stories that are incredibly fun, but not afraid to go to dark places - while staying hopeful. Always hopeful. That's the most important part, and what I love about Kn8 as well!!

And... this is a bit random, but there's a scifi anime on Netflix called A.I.C.O. Incarnation that I really like. It's a flawed series, but scifi are hard to come by and it's a biotech scifi in particular which is always very interesting to me. It's a tight anime-original storyline of 12 episodes, with consistently good animation and a standout cast of characters. Said characters also wear battle suits for the majority of the episodes, firing guns and carving their way through monsterous attacks... so not unlike Kn8 in that sense lol

If you have any specific rec requests (manga/anime similar to XYZ series or something of a certain genre) then feel free to let me know - there are lots of great shows and manga I enjoy but it's hard to narrow everything down when my brain's a tangled mess >.<;;

[the-s1lly-corner]

Attention TADC fans!

I'm officially opening requests for characters! Below the cut will be my base list of rules in regards to requesting and that sort of thing!

To everyone who followed me for creepypasta, do not fret! Creepypasta is still this blogs default and I'm not going to stop writing it for the forseeable future, I will still be responding to creepypasta based asked in the meantime

oh also, im adding this right before i post this but i do have fluff alphabet requests open for creepypasta, but to my TADC fans, how do you guys feel about the possibility of me reposting that list and letting you guys ask for it? im still kinda itching to do alphabet stuff... let me know ! ill probably do it anyways but i want yalls input!

without further delay:

RULES:

please do not spam requests, i know it will be hard to enforce this on my end since i want to keep anon enabled since i know it can be intimidating to ask for stuff non-anonymously

since the main cast + caine only totals to 7 characters i will allow people to request the entire cast in any given request, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE that the more characters the shorter their list of hcs will be

please do not pester me to answer your request, i will very likely answer your initial ask. consistent breaking of this boundary will result in warning, and if further boundary breaking takes place, the request will be terminated

^SHOULD NOTE! sometimes tumblr eats the requests you guys send in so simply asking if your request made it through is 100% totally fine!! I'm specifically talking about people who try to pressure me to answer sooner, I want to make that clear because I do not want to discourage anyone from reaching out about that sort of thing

Reader is GN by default, you can request a specific gender but know it likely wont be important due to my writing style

WILL WRITE:

SFW, angst, comfort, hcs, short imagines and scenarios!

As mentioned I will do all characters, asides Bubble since I don't think there's much that can be done for them

Poly, LGBT, readers with disabilities and/or disorders (will let it be known here that i am in no way well versed in every disability/disorder, however i will attempt to do basic research for the request)

I am also comfortable with writing platonic requests and found family dynamics! I am not limiting myself and you guys to romantic stuff!

reader abstracting, while this may seem contradictory to some of the things in my will not write segment I have written about grief and loss before and I don't think it fully fits the category of what I won't write + death in general, so it shall get a pass

really there isnt much i will turn down that comes to mind, if something is breaching a line or making me uncomfortable i will let you know

reader inserts, ocs, and the like are all welcome here! im not too confident with oc x character stuff due to the simple fact that i fear i may interpret your oc wrong but i am still willing to try!

WILL NOT WRITE:

general problematic stuff is an immediate no

^so like, straight up abuse and abuse adjacent topics since as far as Im aware all the characters in TADC are adults (if I have that wrong please please correct me!!)

i am also iffy on yandere requests, this one is more on a case by case basis so please be sure to specify the intensity of it, since that will really be a make or break for whether or not if the request is accepted

NSFW, this blog is for the most part SFW. I occasionally vague certain aspects, however nothing is ever explicit. That's how far I'm willing to go with these things and I want to keep it that way

Full fledged fanfics; a lot of my scenarios/imagines tend to border on that just on a much shorter scale and in a slightly different format, but I am not totally confident in my ability to write proper fics :(

no graphic depictions of gore or self harm, and i ask that you keep that out of my inbox in general. topics like SH are allowed, however covering requests for the act of it as its happening is an automatic no (IE if you ask me to walk in on a character walking in during an act of self harm), the same applies to suicide

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

i have a nasty habit of not proofreading my stuff, so grammar and spelling mistakes are bound to happen unfortunately. this tends to be a worse issue when im posting on mobile (which i am doing less and less since i like typing on a keyboard more)

^ on top of that i struggle with writing, english is my first language but i have a hard time getting stuff out right on top of having dyslexia so please be patient

i typically tend to respond to requests fairly fast, typically within a day or two, though i do have some periods where it may take longer. (possible) same day delivery YAHOO!!

back to a forewarning, i have a habit of rambling and adding additional ideas and concepts into a request though for the most part i think i remain on topic (that just means you get a little extra content for your request ueueue)

[yukidragon]

By any chance, could you list like all the things we know about Joseph and Jack? Because some people might be new to the fandom and not know much about it.. if you did this before then could we get the source for it?

Btw love your works :D

Thank you so much! You're so sweet. 💗

Well, while I haven't considered making a fandom primer before... I did make a timeline of what we know about Joseph so far in this post over here. I even translated it into Spanish upon request here.

Oh, something that came out since I made that post is this image from the kickstarter that shows us Joseph's whole body, including his stylish rose-printed boots. Also, the lovely creator of the game shared development sprites in this post that tease at certain plot elements in the upcoming game. As well as this suspiciously familiar lad on Jack's birthday.

As for Jack, I didn't consolidate everything in one place, but I have discussed various topics about him that might be more pertinent. His limitations, for example, are an important part of his character. Consent is a big part of the game and his character.

A lot of what I've discussed are theories, such as how Jack got stuck in the tape, but I do show relevant pieces of artwork and link to the official twitter and tumblr that give teasers. One important piece of info from the tumblr is that Jack can touch/interact with things the more attached he is to his sunshine. The asks from the official tumblr have some juicy lore bits. I've also made transcripts for some of the audio dramas in this tag.

I'm honestly not sure what else should go into a introduction to the fandom for newcomers, besides suggesting they try out the demo and check out official sources. Sadly, I'm not a part of Snaccpop Studios (though I'd love to be hired on as a writer), so I don't count as an official source. Most of what I have to offer with my headcanon rambles are theories and possibilities after all. Plus I'm always adding more thoughts as more teasers slowly trickle out and I get new perspectives from other members of this lovely fandom.

Maybe I should give it some thought how to go about an introduction primer for new fans, but I don't want to give the false impression that I'm an official source for information. I'm just an enthusiastic fan who is trying to sleuth out what's going on and play around with the concepts.

I'd say start from the demo, then go to the official pages for more information. The official toyhou.se page has profiles for the love interests plus the boss, and you can check out other important SnaccPop Studio links here. I hope this helps!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[weebsinstash]

Wait hold on when did I threaten you anywhere? I just wanted to talk is all I wasn't going to harm you in any way nor did I say i was. I never sent you any threats. If you think i threatened you, you made that up in your own head. If you wanted me to go away and not come back you should have just said so? It's not really harassment if you never told me not to come and I didn't knock on your door to bother you. I just waited outside and you never told me to go away or that you didn't want me there. I have never ever sent you a physical threat. Idk what 'evidence' you're talking about but I never broke the law anywhere in this situation. Your address is publicly available information btw

I think there's actually a legal precedent for me to tell you to go fuck yourself and leave me alone at least one last time before i officially press charges

But

I've told you multiple times to leave me alone and I literally have DMs of the multiple, countless accounts you have contacted me on after being told to leave me alone. I even keep turning off anon asks so that you would have to create accounts so that every ask and instance of harassment can be directly linked back to you and you have created HUNDREDS of accounts like a total loser, literally everyone has no idea why you're still doing this, we just started assuming you were deeply mentally ill and becoming concerned

First off we both know you weren't outside, you most likely don't even know how to drive or can afford your own gas, but you still threatened being outside a previous address and have threatened to come and see me multiple times and that's still very much a threat, very much illegal in the context of your actions

"Public information?" You don't even know how these topics work. You found an old post on an old blog from years ago, a PayPal link containing ONLY my full name which beyond that one post on a completely separate blog was never posted elsewhere, which you then started sending my full name around to strangers attaching it to both my blogs where it was not public, you've reuploaded my pictures to other websites, made other accounts using my face and name, and then you proceeded to make a public records request using that name and then MESSAGED OTHER PEOPLE AND MADE POSTS WITH AN OLD ADDRESS AND MY FAMILY MEMBERS' NAMES and then you have the nerve to fuck around and send an ask that you're outside what you genuinely believe is my current fucking home?

It would literally be quicker for me to tell you the things you did that DIDN'T break the law you dumbass fucking teenager. alleged teenager anyways; to be blunt the reason i only still believe you're young is because you're quite frankly a fucking idiot with no life experience and it shows. I literally still have screenshots of the last time you made a fake dating profile with my stolen picture, which, you're also reuploading my family member's pictures which is also fucking illegal

I also want to point out

EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON

"We're not even in the same state, you can't get me arrested, publicly spreading your private information on a public platform against your consent isn't illegal" oh my god you should have died in the womb, the cope is always turned up to 200 with you, do you take a medication for that. I'm literally fucking baiting you into deeper incriminating yourself and you are so far up your own ass you think I'm just falling for your pointless rage bait. I've literally told you multiple times that you could literally just Google how you reuploading my photos and even slightly implying you're me is a crime and then you're doing that on dating sites which has undertones of sexual violence and now your cringe ass is trying to use IP grabber links as if you didn't literally tell me how many miles away you were and that's kind of all I need

You've already threatened me. I've already told you to leave me the fuck alone. You literally impersonated multiple people and were still told to leave me alone. Even when you deactivate these accounts, these asks still sit in my inbox, the DMs of you admitting you broke the law are still easily accessible to me, the screenshots still in my phone, the records in tumblr's databases leading back to your registration email, so on so forth. You also keep harassing other people. Countless other people are fucking tired of this. Since I DO know what's legal to outright say to you I won't say what I'm sure many of us are thinking but, small dogs bark the loudest, and also, you're a coward, and a raging misogynist, and I pity the relationship you must have with your family that you spent your Christmas thinking about me

Fuck off and also eat your own shit and apologize to your parents and also take up staring into the sun as a hobby

[deliciouskeys]

@cozycornerkinktober's prompt lucky #13: Nursing/lactation

Another deleted scene from the Selfish Gene (Butchlander)

Warnings: Everyone's going to write about HL's canon nursing/breast milk fetish for this one. And uh... so am I. But in mine he's the one lactating so trigger warning for that upfront. Mpreg. Supe baby. Injuries. Weird fetishes. Probably a little bit more emo than I intended. @vanshoundd requested this one, but I'm not at all sure they'll be pleased with the result lol, but I tried! AO3 link.

Butcher’s nose was never that sensitive, but he starts to detect it as soon as he’s out of the elevator on the twenty fourth floor of their new hoity-toity high rise condo building. It hits him full force when he opens the door to the apartment, thick, cloying, notes of melted butter and even something a little like apple, all mixing together into a bouquet that now smells like his partner, like their child, like home. Butcher puts away the groceries he brought in before following the overly familiar, obnoxiously loud sound of the pump coming from their bedroom.

Homelander is sitting half propped up in bed, browsing on his phone, the wearable vest with suction cups stuck to his otherwise bare torso, both 150ml milk bottles half-full with creamy white liquid, frothing up slightly from the negative pressure. Lena’s sleeping soundly on top of his body and not in her crib— as far as Butcher knows she’s never been in her crib in the two weeks since being born, Homelander being completely engrossed with taking her everywhere and keeping her close at all times. He hasn’t really left the house except to go out on the balcony, despite having been so enthusiastic about having the house confinement officially nixed a few months ago. At least their new apartment overlooks Central Park and has two spacious bedrooms— not that Homelander has let Lena stay in her nursery yet. Butcher made a token attempt to convince him that sleeping together with your newborn in the same bed was ill-advised, but SIDS was just not something on Homelander’s list of worries. ‘How about you worry about Sudden Dad Death Syndrome,’ he said dismissively. Butcher had no intention to stay away and sleep in another room. If he’s going to get lasered for rolling over on his infant daughter, well, it was a good run. Homelander seems genuinely worried about that eventuality though, and keeps Lena between his own body and a pillow. Butcher’s not sure how much the pillow would really protect him, but he’s learned not to argue about most of these things. He’s also not sure how much Homelander actually sleeps during the night, because he’s still feeding the baby so often, and every time Butcher wakes up groggy during the night, Homelander’s either feeding, burping, changing, or pumping.

At the moment Lena’s sound asleep, positioned along Homelander’s belly, tiny legs flexibly curled up under her diaper, tiny ribcage visibly moving in and out underneath the tiny blanket draped over her.

“I don’t know how she can sleep through that racket going on near her head,” Butcher says as he lies down next to Homelander.

“It’s really not that loud.” Homelander rolls his eyes, finally putting away the phone.

“It’s pretty loud, love. And I think you’re going to break it soon if you don’t stop running it 24-7.”

Homelander huffs. “What am I supposed to do if I can’t store much inside my body?”

Supplement with formula maybe, Butcher thinks but doesn’t say out loud. It’s a really sore topic they’ve been over multiple times over the past couple of weeks. Homelander’s body responded to pregnancy by the textbook, golden colostrum letting down as soon as Lena rut her face into his chest, not even an hour after being born. But his milk supply never came in as plentifully as the lactation coach assured him it would. He produced milk quickly, but had little storage capacity. His chest was only a little bit more swollen and veiny than before pregnancy, and there was apparently just not enough volume for a satisfying feeding, even for a tiny newborn. Butcher had probably never seen him as upset as when he was frantically switching Lena from one nipple to the other, to no avail because she’d drained both in short order and was crying for more. “Why can’t I do this right?!” he’d lamented, sobbing about his failure, rather than the fact that their famished newborn’s suction was apparently strong enough to make his nipples’ skin chafe, pop, and bleed. Butcher fed Lena formula out of a bottle between her breast feedings during those first few days, and Homelander refused to even watch it happen, lying in bed turned away, weeping, depressed, and defeated. The mere sight of the bottle would send him into what, in Butcher’s mind, was irrational hysterics, but suggesting that there might be some postpartum depression at play here was angrily dismissed out of hand. Butcher found what was at least a stopgap solution, buying one of those supplemental nursing systems where breast milk could be mixed with formula to boost the volume and be used to feed the baby through a thin plastic tube taped to align right with the nipple. All the nice physical bonding of not using a bottle, without the anxiety about your baby going hungry, Butcher figured. But Homelander was still a purist, and wanted zero Similac in the mixture. That’s why he’d taken to pumping day and night, every hour except when Lena was actually latched on to him. For better or worse, it seemed to be working, his body slowly adjusting to meet the demand. In the past few days, he finally started having leftovers to freeze. 

“I just feel like I haven’t been able to talk to you without raising my voice over the din of that motor,” Butcher says, cupping Homelander’s face and kissing him on the cheek, then rubbing his hand against the rough beard bristles on his chin. Homelander was so focused on his baby that apparently he stopped prioritizing shaving every morning, brushing his hair, or showering.

“Sorry, I haven’t been taking care of myself today,” Homelander says defensively as Butcher’s hand runs along his jaw.

“D’you want to?” Butcher asks.

Homelander looks down at Lena and sighs.

“I can watch her while you take a fifteen minute shower,” Butcher says, both amused and annoyed. “You can’t keep being this much of a control freak.”

“If she wakes up-”

“I’ll inform you at once, commander-in-chief, Jesus.”

“And if she…”

He trails off but Butcher knows what Homelander is getting at without any more being said. Lena has yet to actually fire off a laser but her eyes have powered up a glow a couple of times in the past two weeks. They haven’t been able to pinpoint what seems to trigger it. Every time it’s happened she was latched on, feeding, and not fussing. Butcher thinks it’s overwhelmed-with-happiness-and-pleasure lasers, not rage-lasers, but they can’t know for sure.

“I’ll be careful and point her away from me. What do you want me to say?”

Homelander nods and slowly sits up. Lena makes a quiet whimper and he freezes but she seems to go right back to sleep, despite being held almost fully upright. Butcher takes her gently into his arms and cradles her. She turns toward his body but thankfully doesn’t wake up and start searching for milk. Homelander walks out of the bedroom with the pump still attached to him.

“Maybe you should take it off before you get in the shower,” Butcher mutters to himself under his breath, but Homelander hears him loud and clear, of course, even with the machine still on and says “Very funny” from the bathroom.

Butcher enjoys the rare opportunity to study this tiny creature snoozing in his arms, a creature he helped make. He leans down and inhales the scent of her head, her wispy dark hairs flying up when he does. He finally hears the pump being shut off and the shower running shortly after. Lena stays asleep, eyes sometimes moving underneath her thin eyelids, long eyelashes twitching slightly. She’s unbearably cute. Holding her, Butcher admits he can understand why her other parent doesn’t seem to want to let go of her for even a minute. He never would have imagined he’d feel like that about anything, let alone a newborn, but there’s some kind of biological or psychological program that’s kicked into gear in his brain once he finally saw her in the flesh. Somewhere in his deep memory he also recalls what it was like to see Lenny for the first time, and feel an overwhelming immediate sense of love for someone so tiny.

As he watches her sleep, his mind starts to drift as well, as if the sleepiness is contagious. He’s in this hypnotized state, so he’s not sure how it happens exactly, but Lena wakes up pretty suddenly. She doesn’t cry, just opens her eyes and next thing Butcher feels is her tiny fist finding and wrapping around the pinky of the hand he’s laid on top of her. Butcher immediately realizes his dire circumstances when he feels powerful force squeezing his finger and bone starting to crack. He stays stoically silent, looking down at her open eyes. They’re huge—sometimes it feels like they’re taking up half of her face— and a piercing blue. He’s heard babies’ eyes often darken as they grow, but as of now they’re the spitting image of Homelander’s. Maybe that’s why he feels just a tiny bit unsettled whenever she fixes them on him– some echo of their old antagonism still buried somewhere deep in his brain.

“Lena, love, let go of Daddy’s hand,” he says quietly through teeth clenching in pain, still smiling at her, already knowing talking like this is futile. He’s fairly sure he feels something fracturing and blinks back tears. She stares up at him, but doesn’t release her grip. He can’t even try to pry her hand off, with none of his hands free. The shower is turned off already, and loath as Butcher is to prove that he can’t watch Lena for fifteen minutes, he gets up and carefully makes his way to the bathroom.

“Can you help me out…” he says as he’s pushing the door open with an elbow and sees Homelander choke on something and press the back of his hand to his mouth. Although he’s at the sink, turned away from the door, Butcher can see in the mirror that he was sipping on one of the milk containers that he detached from his chest.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST CAN YOU KNOCK?!” he explodes, apparently before he’s swallowed everything down because the first words come out with a gurgle.

“I actually couldn’t…” Butcher answers sheepishly, wincing because Lena’s grip tightened further around his already broken finger during the yelling.

Homelander looks over and sees the situation and his facial expression twists from anger to distress. He quickly approaches and pries her tiny fingers open, taking her into his own arms almost at the same time, cradling her close.

“She hurt you,” he says, frowning so dramatically that Butcher can’t help but feel amused at their predicament. A baby being able to mangle her father has some kind of dark humor to it.

“She’s fine. I was careless,” Butcher says, almost waving his injured hand dismissively before feeling a jolt of pain in his pinky at any movement.

“Your right hand. You need to go to the hospital,” Homelander laments, starting to sound panicked. 

“Hey, it’s not a big deal, alright? Leave it alone. I’ll take care of it later.”

Homelander looks unappeased by that, and it dawns on Butcher that he’s probably insecure about his child being perceived as a danger to normal people, the public. Perhaps to be locked away in a secure facility until all the powers are under control.

“Hey, I’m okay. I was just careless.” Butcher says, but he’s also starting to survey the scene he walked in on. Homelander’s standing naked, hair still wet, holding Lena in his arms who seems to recognize her feeder parent smell and is starting to root around his chest. Butcher sees the bottle of breast milk, almost drained. He doesn’t say anything, but Homelander seems to catch where his gaze went.

“I make enough for her! I’m not having anything that she needs!” he starts saying and Butcher doesn’t know where to start with this.

“Look, I don’t care what you do with it. You’re the one obsessed with not giving her formula. If you want to drink your own breast milk, I’m not going to be the one to stop you.”

Homelander chews on his lip, face crimson, and Butcher can’t believe that this is, of all the strange things this supe’s done, what he’s going to be mortified by.

“I’m not saying it’s normal, but you’re not harming anyone.”

“You don’t get it,” Homelander says, eyes fluttering when Lena finds his nipple and latches on but then he looks down at her and avoids eye contact with Butcher. “I obsess over it. I- I feel like I get turned on when she’s nursing. I even get a little turned on when I’m pumping. I’ve been wanting to drink it. I have real issues.”

Butcher rubs the bridge of his nose, remembering to use his left hand. “I mean, yeah, that sounds a bit sick, but it’s harmless I guess.”

“You never feel tempted to even just taste it?” Homelander asks. His tone is weird and desperate, as if he’s hoping to hear just a little bit of support for this freaky fixation.

“Can’t say I have,” Butcher says, but then adds. “I kind of like the way it smells. I’ll taste it if it makes you feel better.” He approaches and takes a small sip from the same bottle Homelander was drinking out of, smacking and trying to describe the taste like a connoisseur. “It’s really sweet. It’s not that bad. If I didn’t know what it was I might have though it was some kind of bland custard.”

Homelander watches him, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“What?” Butcher asks. “What do you want me to say?”

“You’re not revolted?” Homelander asks cautiously.

“I don’t know, after watching you be in labor for more than a day and then give the bloodiest birth I’ve ever heard of at home on a shower curtain I spread out on our bed? I think I’m beyond being revolted.”

When they move back to the bedroom, Butcher holds Lena while Homelander puts on fresh sweatpants. He’s rushing, as if every second Butcher is holding her is borrowed time.

“You can’t do everything yourself.” Butcher sighs. “It’s just a broken finger. I don’t even feel like going to the ER. They’ll just put it in a splint.”

“Fix your hand,” Homelander answers him brusquely. “I don’t want you walking around with an ugly crooked finger and have it be this ‘Story’ about how Lena broke your pinky.”

“And here I thought you cared about my well-being.” Butcher chuckles.

“Maybe that too,” Homelander says morosely, as he lies back and switches Lena over to his other nipple. His expression softens whenever she’s latched on. “If you’re not going to the ER, can you…bring the bottles from the bathroom…?”

Butcher shrugs and carries the two containers back into the bedroom.

“Can you…” Homelander’s voice gets really quiet. “Can you feed me with it.”

Now Butcher’s a bit disturbed. “Can I what now?”

“Just put the bottle top on it with the nipple and just hold it to my mouth.”

Butcher sighs, incredulous, but does as he’s asked. He watches Lena sucking languidly on Homelander’s nipple– she’s not hungry, she’s mostly doing it out of habit and for comfort. He watches Homelander slowly downing the remaining milk in one bottle and then the other.

“Yeah, this is a bit fucked, love, I have to tell you.”

Homelander licks his lips when he’s drained everything. Lena leans back at about the same time, and the synchrony is vaguely disturbing to Butcher.

“I know,” Homelander says, looking off into the distance and avoiding eye contact. “But it makes me happy.”

A/N: The oxytocin released by the brain upon the sensation of breastfeeding doesn't bring people to orgasm, but it can turn some people on quite a bit. Socially unacceptable biological phenomena, but honestly it makes a lot of evolutionary sense that you'd get rewarded for feeding your brood.

[queenofthekings]

Would you do a Eddie+K-Pop Fan!Female? I would like to see or find this type of plot more often.I would like it to be fluff

P.S: I LOVE YOUR STUFF

𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹.

Summary: You and Eddie meet up for your first date and naturally, the the topic gets to music and Eddie unexpectedly shows an interest in your favourite genre.

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this, thank you so much for loving my work! Not gonna lie, got a bit emotional getting my first request but I think it turned out okay! I’m so happy to be able to combine my two loves: K-Pop and Eddie into a fic! The title is of course a reference to the iconic song by SNSD.

CW: Lots of fluff, reader is a K-Pop fan, Eddie is an adorable cinnamon roll, reader shows some signs of having an ASD/ASC, slightly implied that reader is short.

Word count: 1.5k

Any hate will not be tolerated, constructive criticism is welcomed.

Being sat at a bench in the park wasn’t an unusual activity for you, you’d often come here with music playing to just escape the world for a little bit and observe the world. Always the same bench, too, the one facing the lake and water fountain. It was one of the only places in the world where you felt peace; the world was always too loud, too fast, too demanding. It was far too easy for you to get overwhelmed.

What was unusual this time, however, was that you were waiting for someone instead of being alone. You’d invited your boyfriend, Eddie, to walk take a walk with you in the park. It was the first clear day in almost three weeks and although the February chill was still very much apparent, you wanted to take the opportunity to enjoy the fresh air.

You and Eddie hadn’t been dating long, it had been so short in fact, you weren’t even sure if you could officially call him your boyfriend yet. You’d been on a couple of dates together, and there were definitely sparks flying but he hadn’t asked you to formally be his girlfriend yet and this being your first proper relationship, you weren’t sure if you had to ask or if he would or even when it would happen.

Looking out at the pond, you couldn’t help but smile while watching the ducks, you would’ve heard their quacking if your music wasn’t blaring through your headphones, but you didn’t mind it, music helped you take in and understand the world. Even if people would say you would go deaf one day from the constant music playing.

Taking out your phone, you checked the time. He was late, not massively but he was still late. You took a shaky breath as you nervously played with your fingers, the dark thoughts of him not turning up at all clouding your mind. You knew it was best to ignore those thoughts and you did for the most part, but there were times when they got so loud and so frequent, there was nothing you could do.

You looked away from the pond and towards the path to your left, and then to your right, finally seeing Eddie make his way towards you. You couldn’t help the wide smile that came across your lips as you stood up to greet him, slipping off your headphones to let them rest around your neck to give him a hug.

While both of your arms wrapped around his middle, one of his arms wrapped around you while he used the other to comfortingly scratch the top of your head for a few moments before wrapping it around you as well. “Hey, sweetheart. I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”

You shake your head, smiling up at him. “It’s okay, I wasn’t waiting too long.”

Eddie smiled, releasing his arms to offer you his hand, which you happily accepted, your hand wrapping itself around his pointer and middle fingers. With your free hand, you disconnected the wire from your headphones to stop your music from distracting you as the pair of you walked through the park.

Despite the cold biting at any exposed skin the pair of you had and through the thin parts of the material in your clothes, both of you felt warm just being in each other’s presence.

As you walked, you caught each other giving quick glances towards each other, both of you blushing when you were eventually caught. Although the pair of you didn’t say anything, it never felt awkward, it just felt right.

Eddie reached down and played with the wire on your headphones for a moment before licking his lips. “What kind of music were you listening to?”

You blushed as you looked down, nervous to tell him. “I, uh, I listen to K-Pop a lot, it’s my favourite genre.”

He couldn’t help but smile at your blushing, wanting to tell you that it made you look adorable but he knew it would just make you more flustered. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard a K-Pop song, mind if I listen?”

You shook your head, connecting your headphones again before passing them to Eddie, grabbing your phone from out of your pocket to play a song for him. After scrolling through your playlist, you selected Save Me, Save You by WJSN – one of your current favourites.

As the song played through the headphones, you watched Eddie’s face. He didn’t show a lot, clearly completely focused on the song and taking it all in. You were worried at any moment, a look of disgust on his face would appear but it never happened, not once did he show any sign of disinterest or hatred.

A wave of relief washed over you as you waited; the years of being bullied and ridiculed for liking K-Pop had unfortunately, conditioned you to think that anyone and everyone hated it, and you were the only person in the universe to like it. But yet, here he was; Eddie Munson, the metalhead who only listened to Metallica and Dio, listening to K-Pop and not cringing his face off.

Once the song was over, he took off the headphones and gave them back to you. “It’s interesting, I couldn’t understand most of it but it’s nice. It suits you.”

You felt the warm glow in the pit of your stomach as you placed your headphones back around your neck, leaning into Eddie’s arm as your hands snaked around it. “I’m surprised you didn’t say you hated it.”

He shook his head, continuing to walk down the path. “Nah, I wouldn’t want you to judge my music, so why should I judge yours?”

You couldn’t help but silently agree before changing the subject, the rest of the walk being pleasant and filled with a lot of stolen glances.

A couple of months later, the pair of you went for a walk in the park again, enjoying the warmer weather. After walking around the park, the pair of you walked back to Eddie’s truck. While you had walked there since you lived around the corner, Eddie had drove and you’d both decided to go back to his for a movie.

Opening the passenger side door, Eddie held out a hand to help you inside. “You make yourself comfortable, angel, I’ll get us some ice creams.” He gave you a quick kiss on your cheek before closing the door and racing over to the other side of the parking lot, towards the ice cream truck.

You happily sat in the front of Eddie’s truck, turning on the radio as you waited for him to return with ice cream. Music filled the once silent truck and it didn’t hit you at first but a few seconds into the song, you recognised it. How could you not know What by Dreamcatcher?

Frowning, you skipped the song. Another K-Pop song. Again, skipped. K-Pop. You must’ve skipped ten or fifteen songs, everything was K-Pop. Then you noticed the books in the side compartments, picking one up; you saw it was Korean For Dummies. You picked up another, The Beginners Guide to Korean. Realising the implications, you felt tears prick your eyes with one even falling onto the book cover.

The driver’s side door opening made you jump, dropping the book as Eddie jumped back into the car with the ice creams in his hand, his wide grin falling instantly once he saw you were crying. He placed the two cones down on the dashboard before cradling your face in his hands. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

You struggled for a few moments to find the words you wanted to say. “The music… the books,” was all you could manage out.

Eddie blushed, looking down as he chuckled a little to himself. “Oh, those. I guess you found my secret. Well, not quite secret but I wasn’t ready to tell you.”

“But why?” You whispered.

“Because I know you love it and I wanted to know why you liked it; and since I couldn’t understand Korean, I decided to try to learn it so I could know what they were saying.”

You frowned, shaking your head a little. “Again, Eddie, why? Why go through all this effort for me?”

“Because you’re worth it,” he whispered and gently kissed you before handing you your slightly melted ice cream. “Have your ice cream and then I can properly show you how deep the rabbit hole you’ve made me go down.”

You laughed softly as you began eating it, Eddie laughing along with you. “As long as you don’t have an entire room dedicated to an idol, I think we’ll be fine.”

Eddie’s relaxed laughter turned into nervous laughter, trying to shove as much ice cream into his mouth so he wouldn’t be able to laugh.

“Please say you didn’t.”

A muffled reply left his lips but nothing could truly be understood.

You gave him a playful glare. “Eddie!”

He swallowed his mouthful, giving you a wide forced smile. “You still love me, right?”

Shaking your head, you playfully nudge his arm. “We’ll have to see after the state of your room.”

[un-pearable]

Hi! Uh, I want to get into Sonic. Any shows/games you would reccomend starting with? An order? Also!! What's your favorite iteration of sonic (if you have one)

i think this might be THE question every sonic fan is dying to be asked. that is to say, hell yeah it would be my pleasure to make some recommendations >:] 

best things to try as a very first introduction to the hedgehog and friends (that are still relatively bitesized or accessible): 

the official animations for sonic mania, team sonic racing, chao in space, sonic colors, and most recently sonic frontiers. personal favorites are chao in space bc its adorable and frontiers for… obvious (knuckles) reasons (it’s about knuckles). these are short and sweet and absolutely adorable so they’re always some of the first things i recommend :] check ‘em out if you can - you won’t regret it. 

on that topic, Sonic Frontiers is a solid place to start with the games! it’s the most recent release so there’s currently a demo available on switch and it’s also on sale on steam right now (until Feb 13th!). few of the games directly lead into each other so picking specific games to start with is more down to personal taste, i’ll go into more detail if you’d like but for an introduction to the series? frontiers has been very well received and many consider it a return to form after the last few games, so it’s a good place to pick up the series! EDIT: I FORGOT ABOUT GENERATIONS. sonic generations is basically a Best-Of compilation of sonic’s most well known stages and it’s also perfect for a first time player. it was MY first game. how on earth did i forget about it. anyway it’s also on steam and it kicks ass!!!

alternately, much of the franchise was codified in the adventure games, so if you prefer starting at the beginning, they’re big recommendations as well! both Sonic Adventure and Sonic Adventure 2 are on steam and MANY playthroughs are online. SA2 was also the first of the sonic fandubs, so if you’ve seen any of those memes that’s where they’re from. 

also, if you’re into zelda games you’ll probably love frontiers. but if you prefer 2D/pixel art games, Sonic Origins just came out last summer and contains rereleases of the first four sonic games and Mania is always a fun option! alternately, try here for a taste of sonic 2 :] 

comics!! comics!!!!! the IDW Sonic The Hedgehog comics are killing it lately and double as canon and ridiculously fun. the first arc is issues 1-12 and if that won’t sell you on this funky little guy, well, there’s a lot more options too! you can find the IDW run here - but support your local comic shop if you can! 

for a little more bite-sized try the recent miniseries scrapnik island! it’s standalone from the main storyline and considering you’re a ninjago fan i think you’ll enjoy a fun story about morally complex robots :D 

the Archie series is amazing at times and so bad it’s funny at others - but what isn’t? while i am a HUGE fan it does require quite a bit of time and investment. other recommendations from the 300 issue+ legacy of sonic comics are available on request (i do not know how to shut up <3) 

tv shows!! Sonic Prime just released on Netflix and it slaps. not the most traditional sonic but it’s fun as hell and ongoing - we’re only ⅓ into the first season and there’s at least two guaranteed. the animation is astounding and it’s coincidentally produced by wildbrain just like current ninjago. i edited one of it’s kickass fight scenes here 

this is almost certainly far more than you need but i love talking about this series so thanks for humoring me :] i hope you enjoy them!! hmmm… they’ve all got their own appeal to me but lately i’ve been watching a lot of playthroughs while drawing (and i eagerly await the frontiers dlc so i have an excuse to replay it) and i think atm game sonic’s my favorite! the comics are delightful and the shows always have their own twists but i love good ‘ol game sonic… the others are more than just facets of his character and have their own great stories, but there’s something special about the original. this message brought to you by how absolutely astounding his characterization is in Sonic Unleashed. we missed you big guy. hope you have fun!! 

[rachaelwilterdink]

More Great Agile Debates, Part 2

In the second part of my new blog series on "Agile's Great Debates," I cover another set of five topics that people tend to argue about when it comes to agile ways of working. Here they are: - SAFe is an Agile Framework - You Should Show “Not Done” Work at the Sprint Review - The Sprint Review is a Status Update - Agile is the same thing as Scrum - The Sprint Review and Retrospective are the Same

SAFe is an Agile Framework

I know I’ll probably get a few haters when I say this, but NO!, I don’t view SAFe as an agile framework. It’s a bloated, complicated (and bastardized) way of trying to accomplish large and overly complex, integrated work. (Seriously, visit their site and you will instantly see what a mess it is.) As an agile consultant, my recommendation is usually to avoid scaling if at all possible. By attempting to scale, you increase cost and complexity, and the risk of failure is much higher. It’s highly preferable to keep atomic and autonomous agile teams that are small and focused.

However, if you feel you must scale, there are (in my humble opinion), far better options than SAFe. These include Less and my scaled agile framework of choice: Nexus (which was created by the same people who wrote The Scrum Guide).

You Should Show “Not Done” Work at the Sprint Review

Uh, duh – NO! This is a cardinal rule of Scrum. Every team must have an agreed-upon Definition of Done, which is an official artifact in Scrum. And if an item does not meet this definition, it is not “Done,” and therefore should not be shared in a Sprint Review. Unfortunately, there are many Scrum Teams that struggle with this. First off, many lack a Definition of Done, and without one, how does anyone know what “done” looks like? Short answer: they don’t! This means that stories can linger and change, because nobody knows where the boundaries are.

Teams may also be tempted to show things that are “mostly” baked. This usually means that the coding has been done and it’s been passed off to QA for testing, but testing is in progress and hasn’t been completed. Some Scrum Teams cheat to get around this irritating problem by adjusting their Definition of Done so it doesn’t include “QA tests passed without any critical- or high-severity defects.” Try not to be this team. Having a tested, working, useable, demonstratable, and potentially-releasable working increment is the whole point of each Sprint!

The Sprint Review is a Status Update

Honestly, this is one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to agile and Scrum! NO! The Sprint Review is not merely a status update or a demo; this event should be much more than that (and it should replace the dreaded “Status Review Meeting”). The point of the Sprint Review, according to The Scrum Guide is to: “Inspect the outcome of the Sprint and determine future iterations.” Yes, you should show your actual, working increment(s). This should not be a facsimile or a PowerPoint. Not only that, but the Developers should lead this event. They did the hard work of building the backlog items, and they deserve to get the recognition and credit that comes along with delivering. The second, and very important part, of the Sprint Review is to come up with a plan for future iterations. In my experience, the Product Owner has a general idea of what is wanted in the next Sprint or two, and shares this plan with the audience. However, based on stakeholder feedback, that tentative plan may change to accommodate new user requests. At the end of the Sprint Review, the expected outcome is an updated Product Backlog that serves as the input to the next Spring Planning event.

Agile is the same thing as Scrum

There is a widespread and common misunderstanding between agile and Scrum. This occurs because the Scrum Framework is far and away the most popular of agile approaches, but it’s definitely not the only one. Nor is agile synonymous with Scrum. The way I describe this concept when training new Scrum Teams is that agile is a mindset, an umbrella that covers all the various aspects of different agile approaches. All the different “flavors” of agile, therefore, are agile, but they are not agile itself.

To better understand what agile is, the best resource (in my humble opinion) is the original Agile Manifesto, which was famously penned by a group of frustrated software developers who met in Park City, Utah, at a ski resort in my wonderful home state of Utah in 2001. My first child was born the same year, making the document 22 years old, which is relatively new in the grand scheme of technology. In the Agile Manifesto, there are things that are valued more than others (which is not to say the other things don’t have any value). It also includes 12 core principles. Although agile has evolved past software development, the same ideas still apply to other contexts.

The Sprint Review and Retro are the Same

As an agile trainer and coach (Scrum specifically), I have seen that the two Scrum events that are most often confused, are the Sprint Review and Sprint Retrospective. I don’t quite understand why there is so much confusion, but my experience has proved it time and time again. To clarify, NO, these two events are not the same thing. Each has its own purpose and audience, along with expected outcomes. The goal of the Sprint Review is to: “Inspect the outcome of the Sprint and determine future iterations.” In contrast with the Sprint Review, the Sprint Retrospective is only for the Scrum Team, without any outside or extra participants (including managers). The point of this event is to embrace the empirical process of inspecting and adapting. It allows the team to honestly look back at the Sprint and identify opportunities for improvement. So, as you can see – the Sprint Review and Retrospective are two totally separate events, with totally different purposes. I hope this clears up any confusion!

Final Thoughts

This blog covered five more ways agile concepts and practices are misunderstood. To recap: try not to scale if you can avoid it, make sure your team has a Definition of Done, only show "done" work at the Sprint Review, which is a separate event with a different purpose than the Retrospective. Finally, agile is a mindset - Scrum is an agile framework. Now, as always - it's your turn! What do you think about these debate topics? Do you have any differing opinions or experiences? If so, I would love to hear about them in the comments below! Oh, and P.S. - if you missed the first blog in this series, you can find it here: - Part 1 - Devs as Sub-team, the 3 questions, product goal, refinement, hybrids Check back for more great debates soon! Read the full article

[melovrs]

thank u for the tag ree !

started writing

if we're talking any type of original creations, i've been writing ever since i was 9-10ish from novels (?) to just random one-off thoughts and poetry, but i officially started writing fics september of last year on @konigceo (my main blog) i believe !!

started blogging

i used to have a blog purely for reading fanfics on tumblr that i used from 2020-23 & that was my first blog ever !! i read like jjk and haikyuu fics & stuff on that one 😭 i never really posted meaningful content on that blog tho, mostly just thoughts and me ranting lol

followers

woooooo so for this blog i have 116 and for my main blog 807 !! i'm so grateful for every single one of my followers and moots sm i love u all so much u all mean the worlddd to me !!!

communication

i'm not 100% sure what this means but i do have a discord so moots feel free to ask for it !! asks are always open if u just want to chat !! irl i'm really shy when i meet new ppl but when i get comfortable i yap a lot and i'm sure u guys can tell based off me talking about literally EVERYTHING on here

likes

omg likes mean sm to me (especially on fics) !!! tbh whenever i post fics i'm scared that it'll get like 10 notes maximum so i post a lot of my fics right before i got to sleep lmaoo but !!! likes r the easiest way to show ur support for not just me but other creators !!!!!!!

requests

i think i've been really vague on requests so far but they ARE open in case anyone was wondering !! but i AM really busy with summer school and things such as ! so i might not be able to respond to rq in a timely manner :( inspo and motivation is also important to me when it comes to writing fics, n if i have writers block (which is most of the time), i might not be able to respond :( also if i don't like the prompt i might ignore it too lmaoo

writing

writing is such an important part in my life and i love creating in general !!!! besides writing fics i make tons of ocs for every media i consume and also draw so yeah i'm a huge nerd x3 i also use writing as a coping mechanism (i think??) and half the stuff i write and don't post is suuuuper self indulgent lmaoo

works i'm proud of

i'm so proud of this one fic (not naming it) i have on my main blog it's like the one fic that continuously gets notes (i get a few every day) but other than that, i'm so excited to start writing more for msmg (MY YNM FIC THAT'S ON HIATUS BUT IT'LL BE UPDATED SOON) and fyh !! i don't even know myself, but i'm hoping that i'll be able to make time to write for those two fics !!

i'm also excited to finish up a little ume fic i have in the drafts,,, language of flowers have my whole heart and ume grows vegetables and vegetables are plants and flowers are also plants so it's not really far from canon that ume could also grow flowers AND I'M GIVING TOO MUCH AWAY jesus i'm talking so much this is going off topic but yes ! keep ur eyes out for new updates !!!

no pressure tags : @tulipsforvin @littlemissemeritus

Behind the scenes of a Tumblr Writer - Tag Game

Hey there, I love behind the scenes and since this is something that's rarely talked about, let me start the chain... if you feel uncomfortable with a question, just skip it. You can add some if you want as well.

Started writing: I wrote my first Harry Potter fanfic at age 10. Started posting around 15,16 years old. I'm now 31, so...

Started blogging: I started on a German fanfiction site around 2010/11 I think. Might have been earlier too, but back then I was mostly reading, no posting. I really started when I got into One Direction (very late, tbh)

Followers: Currently at 961, which is wild to me. I don't even know that many people IRL. I convince myself that half of them are bots tbh, so I don't freak out all the time.

Communication: The people I talk to regularly are: a few writers who answered after I constantly reblogged and commented on their works and a few people who commented and reblogged my work. Writing and blogging on here can be pretty lonely, depending on your personality and the time you're active (I'm from Europe and a lot of my followers seem to be living in Northern America, so there's the Timezone thing) ... And I found that the best way to strike a conversation is to reblog, comment, and to not be shy. I do wish I got more asks, though....

Likes: I actually filter them out. I have 793 original posts up at the moment. It doesn't give me anything to know how many likes a fic has other than to tell me which characters are liked more than others or maybe that one fic does especially well. My activity only shows me comments, asks, reblogs with tags, and answers to my own asks. I live for the tags and the comments.

Requests: I love talking to people about ideas. That's how I started the plotbunny game because I have so many ideas and so little time. And sometimes an idea just doesn't want to be written out fully. Requests are fun because YAY, I get some mail... but then I freak out because I don't really know how to write this NOW and then I freak out because it's been a week already, two weeks, wait, two months? I'd rather have suggestions where people tell me vague things like "I'd love to read something about this side character" or "Have you ever considered this character with a soulmate trope"? because then I don't have the feeling of failing the request when I write it a little bit differently.

Writing: I am a fast writer. I know that's one of my talents. I can churn out a oneshot of 1k words in less than an hour. People read slower than I write. That can suck sometimes because you've just posted this and you want to know what people are thinking but they're not as fast as you are. I do have a lot of ideas. I want to write constantly but my brain doesn't always want to. I am trying to respect that.

There are also certain things that I just feel wrong writing. I cannot write anything suggestive (I also don't like reading it) and everything past that gives me panic attacks. I can hardly write mean characters and jealousy feels so wrong to me that I cannot write it. I've also overdone it with the soulmark trope and now I feel like everything I write about it feels lifeless.

I write best in the mornings before going to work, but I don't have much time there. I don't need special music (but it helps), but I need to have at least some energy left and at best, no distractions. But I have been writing for over 20 years, so I will say experience helps a lot.

Tagging: @revasserium @shoulmate @lemurzsquad @screamin-abt-haikyuu @toomanygoldfish @satorisoup @emmyrosee @reverie-starlight @alienaiver and @writingsofanomnivore and everyone else who wants to join

[mostly-mundane-atla]

@ordinaryfruitpunch before I dive into this I want you to know i did that happy hand-flapping stim so aggressively I thought I would start flying.

@naiadbookworm , @dragomer , and @basilgarden also asked, so I'll mention them too.

So let's lay out some things we know about Jet.

He's driven. If he believes in his mission, such as getting himself and his friends safely out of a war zone, he will do what it takes to accomplish it.

Some time after his eponymous episode he and at least two (might have started out with more, but ended up with just two) of his followers left for Ba Sing Se, which according to the wiki seems quite a ways away on foot. They wanted to start over, and Jet specifically wanted to make ammends for a past of hurting and manipulating innocent people.

He's probably used to stealing food, or forging for it in a dense forest he's familiar with.

He mentions to Zuko that as outcasts they have to watch each other's backs "because no one else will," which suggests he wasn't able to rely on the generosity of strangers as Zuko had with Song and her mother or Lee's family.

Now we consider the fact that he has little in the way of funds or marketable skills. Stealth and combat might have gotten him a smuggling job, but it won't help in a refugee camp, where there's safety in numbers. Stealing from people who barely have anything themselves is a good way to get run out of the group or worse, not to mention it very much goes against his wish to turn over a new leaf. Theoritically he, Longshot, and Smellerbee could sell their armor and weapons, but they're still armed when we see them in "The Serpent's Pass," so that couldn't have been the case. We don't even know if Jet can read. (The missing Appa flyers didn't have a whole lot of writing so someone else could have read it to him, assuming it wasn't in the directive the Dai Li gave him and he wasn't just going by the formatting and picture.) All he really has is charm and acting skills, and I doubt he knows any monologues or ballads he can recite for spare change.

"But mostly-mundane," you might be thinking, "he can only supply if there is demand! Why would any other refugee barely better off than him pay for somthing as blatantly unnecessary as sex?" Well, there are a few reasons but it mainly boils down to this: sexual intimacy makes for an effective distraction. When times are dark and uncertain, it might give someone a sense of control over their life or make them feel less alone. It's a very human need to hold and be held, to touch and be touched; it's the first form of comfort we are ever given and when one is running for their life with a bunch of people they don't know, that can be hard to come by. And before this gets taken out of context, this isn't me saying sex workers are here to solve all your problems, nor am I advocating for sex as a psycological cure-all. People will take warmth and comfort and fleeting enjoyment where they can find it, even if they have to pay for it and risk getting diseases or infections.

So we've answered why he would and how he'd even be able to find custom, but who would they be? I don't think he'd target anyone in particular, aside from maybe the richest he could find. He'd probably steer clear of drunks for his own safety, but I don't think he'd put more thought into it than he absolutely had to. It's a job, and not a particularly pleasant one under his circumstances. Most of the time, he probably wouldn't be working for money, but for food and supplies, though he would have needed both eventually to buy three ferry tickets and forged documentation. Then again, that might be a private arrangement he had with the captain. We've seen soldiers leeching off of the civilians they were supposed to protect and conscript a child as punishment for resistance, so this doesn't seem at all unlikely to me.

I think he'd also be insistent, to the point of violence, that he was the only one of the group taking on those kinds of jobs. He's shown to have a very strict idea of what it means to be a leader, and while that does involve calling the shots and expecting near absolute loyalty, I'd bet it also means he'd take it upon himself to be the main provider and protector. He bears the brunt of the responsibilities because he led them into the situation. Smellerbee might have seen the toll it was taking on Jet and suggest that she go sell favors with him, since they might pay more for a girl, which he would turn down and say that he would never ask that of her. She might have tried to say it's alright, that she really wouldn't mind but he'd cut her off, asserting that he wouldn't be the reason for either her or Longshot getting passed from bed to bed and pretending to like it for table scraps and small coins. He got them into that mess, he'd tell them, so he'd be the one to worry about getting them out.

I don't know what Jet was planning to do once they got to Ba Sing Se. He said something about a new group of Freedom Fighters, suggesting he'd be involved in vigilante justice or at least being an informant to the authorities, but that doesn't always pay the bills. After being brainwashed by the Dai Li, he says he has a job over by a warehouse Appa was being kept in and that he's been living peacefully in the city, but that doesn't give us much (a factory worker, maybe? A minder in a textile mill?). I'd like to think Smellerbee and Longshot decided they'd help him find something reliable and decently paying. They'd seen him tired from being up all night and they probably saw bruises when he washed or noticed him trying to walk normal to hide how sore he was and they definitely noticed how much more agitated he was by touch. They wouldn't have wanted him to have to do it all again.