#so this is definitely not the last of my animal practice drawings haha

[elizabeshi]

Ratties

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[voidheartkisses]

Okay hello hi hello,

First off you're amazing and a gift to the world, I wish I had even half your talent. Your last piece blew my mind and I just HAD to ask,

How long have you been drawing/painting for? I imagine forever but I'm always curious how long it takes before artists reach these sorts of levels where it evolves into full-scale projects as opposed to smaller hobbyist crafts. There are so many beautiful art pieces on this platform as a whole and I'm constantly baffled by it all

Sorry if my excitement is off-putting that piece is heavenly and my mind is blown. Hope you're doing well!

Hi and thank you! That's a good question

So I've been drawing since I was born, but I've been drawing digitally for 8 years. I think in the very beginning most artists should just focus on having fun, you'll basically improve by default

after a while you will want to improve. It will be slow, but this is the stage where you'll recognize what you need work on

I'd say the turning point is when you've finally gotten far enough into your art journey without any sort of formal training (ie, a lot of artists dont learn the basics/fundamentals first, which is fine since most of us start as hobbyists) But I think learning them really did help me a lot. You start to think more about how light and shadow lays, depth, 3D objects, and more.

I highly recommend watching this video about levels of art, it's been really helpful and motivating to me throughout the years

This part is going to be long so you don't have to read it but I just wanna give my personal journey and how I got to now if anyone thinks it'll be helpful:

(2017) With digital art, I started off on ms paint and occasionally ibis paint x. Mostly using anime deviantart bases (EMBARRASSING), but after a while I developed my own style based on the people I was inspired by at the time, I was just happy to draw and didn't care much about improving at this time

(2019) The people you look up to artistically will naturally change over time (and thats okay), after a while I decided to switch to firealpaca, where I guess I got more invested on how light and shadows work, as well as making my characters look a bit more natural and develop my own style, your preference in aesthetic may also change over time which is noticeable here

(2021) Eventually, I began to lean more into semirealism (which isn't everyones preference and thats okay! realism shouldn't be the ultimate end goal of art) but I really enjoyed making stylized characters look 3D and in natural looking environments, since I felt it spoke to my own experiences, a lot of artists draw from real life experiences. I focused more on anatomy at this time as well as textures and environments, composition also became a big deal for me at this time, as well as wanting to use different colors

(2024) The change from LINEART to DIGITAL PAINTING in 2022 was the hardest for me once I switched to clip studio paint, it was basically like starting all over and I was so lost. I had a lot to figure out on my own but I knew it was a transition I had to make to draw the kind of art I wanted. But I began to study and take more things into consideration, I didn't like my art so I simply kept going "I can do better", learning from my previous mistakes and slowly making something I would be more satisfied with. At this point art felt more like "projects" then anything, because I wanted to make pieces that were of quality and had time and care put into each of them, sure it meant there was no longer much quantity. but hey that's what my smaller Cult of the Lamb lineart drawings are for!! 💙

I'm still growing and I definitely have a long way to go, but I am very proud of my progress this year, and I'll continue to grow until I'm satisfied (haha im stubborn) I also want to develop my secondary lineart style that I do when I'm not painting, since I feel that is important too

in short; time, practice, dedication, and passion are the most important, draw what you love above all else because it will be your drive to keep going, staying motivated was the most important for me

Sorry for the long post 😭

[mysteryanimator]

I love your animations, but I'm still struggling to view them without thinking about their last canon interaction. Can you tell me what you envision their makeup would be like?

(Lol I’m so sorry to all the ppl who work on Nocturne reading this 💀 and just generally everyone)

Thank you so much that means a lot! But now, you’ve unveiled my trap card and given me an excuse to write my thoughts on Mizrak and Olrox, so this will get pretty long. Also, this may end up being very subjective/personal taste in some parts so I hope everyone doesn’t mind (and hope you don't mind the funky grammar!) This is an open discussion too, I’d like to hear everyone’s thoughts! 

Now with that out of the way here we go!

(This is old unfinished storyboards for a previous iteration of their makeup scene I did back in jan, never finished them due to uni/another project, I'd like to someday tho because guh the themes.)

Now first of all, I’d like to think that a proper makeup/conversation wouldn’t happen for a bit and would be drawn out because they’re both still hurt, angry, sad, and confused at not only each other but themselves. They’re not the type to get into loud verbal arguments for this, definitely some verbal jabs at each other though. Mean petty comments, oh absolutely. I’d like to personally believe they’d still yearn for each other, perhaps even more so after Olrox indirectly confessed and Mizrak practically turned it down. 

Now, there are soooo many different ways that they’d even see each other again, many different ways it could come to that initial point where they’ve made up. Though I’ll go with one of my personal idea (which people keep egging me on to animate WHICH… I dunno I don’t have free time rn so I’m just blurting it out into written format while I can 😭 I want to though, maybe later in the year for fun if season 2 doesn’t beat me to it). 

Have to establish my vision, but I’d think that Richter, Maria, Annette, Alucard and Mizrak are hopping from abandoned town to abandoned town due to the inability to return to Macheoul for the time being. While Olrox has been on his own (doing what, I’m not even sure my personal headcanon for this.) I think Alucard and Mizrak have a conversation about Alucard’s past in a group setting and it strikes a chord with the monk- since after all, Alucard’s dad is THE Dracula, and his mother (bless her, I miss her) is human. You know how that whole backstory goes, and it parallels Olrox a lot. Also Mizrak and Annette will absolutely have a deep conversation too. Just solely from the comment that was made: 

“We’re all descended from gods, we just have to learn how to draw their power.” Nocturne s1 ep 2

Annette clearly having powers from Haitian gods, absolutely challenging how Mizrak was only certain of one God. Yes, Mizrak is extremely stubborn and it will take him a bit, but he’s different from the Abott in the sense that he will not let religion blind his path to good. He ‘uses his head’ as said before, not god, not the church- his head. Mizrak’s idea of the church and his faith is now a mess and it’s up to him on how he interprets it and rewrites it knowing what he knows now (this is important I swear when it comes to the makeup scene).

Now we’re at the actual scene at hand: Olrox and Mizrak making up.

Side note: oh god I’m practically writing this whole thing as if its going to be played out for an episode, but that’s how it works in my brain LOL but you asked so you shall receive. I am so sorry HAHA

There’s been a lot of build up from this point where they have been meeting up here and there by themselves, but you can clearly tell whenever they do they both hurt and yearn- which would lead to their proper makeup scene. I’m just inserting this for fun, but I’d imagine this would take place in an abandoned church in the town they’re camping in for the night. For a lot of symbolic reasons; devotion, sacrifice, forgiveness, gathering. This along with the simple fact, Mizrak’s relationship to the church has changed completely from here. I’d like to think that even when he’s trying to rekindle that connection with God, it leaves that icky overcoat on his skin. 

“Faith is a company in the hardest of times, when the world abandons you.” Nocturne ep 3

The church indeed had saved him from whatever terrible horrific thing happened to him in the past, however whatever saved him can still be horrible and terrible too. It is infallible.  It is cruel in an attempt to gather community and peace. So, yes- faith can be company when the world abandoned him, but his faith is no longer with the church. He’s taking it back and finding some place else to rest it. (Olrox, it’s Olrox, probably ooc but I’m making it Olrox). 

In this church, the conversation between them will initially start as a discussion about religion, faith and that whole sort of deal. It’ll open up about Mizrak exact struggles from his mouth and how he particularly feels about it, then we get more insight onto Olrox’s thoughts, his perception of the church and perhaps even a deep dive into Aztec history again. Maybe even talk about Olrox’s Quetzalcoatl form, though really this is self indulgent. It’s an aspect I’d absolutely love to be explored and I think it being discussed in revere in a Catholic Church,  with Mizrak actually being open to it due to his new perspective? Oh my god, sign me up. Regardless, it would hold similar energy to episode 6: Gulity Men to be Judged. There’s a weight to it. 

Then it gets heavier when the conversation pivots.  

Mizrak’s attachment in the church was due to him caring about people and, hypothetically, to save him from whatever detriment came for him in the past. The last canon interaction, their falling out they had in season 1 was because he cared about others. To a fault. Now, here he is, standing in front of someone he cares about. It’s going to open a conversation between what’s happening between them and finally properly discuss what happened from their last canon interaction in nocturne season 1. 

A lot of finger and hand brushing from Olrox, which at first I’d think gets no reaction as an attempt for restraint before Mizrak warms up to it and even reciprocates by doing the same thing. All of this is very gentle in my opinion. It’s slow, tender, and most importantly vulnerable. It has the physical contact reminiscent of their first fast rough and tug in the courtyard and piggybacks off the vulnerability they both have when they both stand next to the window in episode 6. They probably also just physically get closer to each other at the moment. Just gradually though. The distance gets closer and closer until their foreheads are practically touching without them realizing it. They’re comfortable though, they don’t want to leave. 

They absolutely get to a point where they both admit to saying “I love you” without straight up saying “I love you” because that’s just a very them thing. Or maybe they do straight up state because Olrox does admit he was in love (with his partner) and doesn’t shy from that fact. It’s a nice conversion of the trope and great to hear from a mlm couple to say I love you… but man do I do love when characters get all poetic-y when their profess their devotion to each other by literally talking in prose, so maybe with good writing both can be done and still be quite powerful but still be gentle. 

In my interpretation YEAH I’LL MAKE THEM KISS AFTER THIS, this is my vision after all. Also, yeah they’re gonna fuck. In the church? Perhaps. Is it a tad OOC, maybe. HOWEVER, consider imagery and symbolism. I just think the image of it would be great, even if it was censored to hell and back, it can be so artistically done. Just imagine the implication alone with me for a second. I think the whole concept of doing it in a church is an interesting build upon the quotes from the show;

“God is not here. This church is an empty box.” From the first Castlevania series.

“House of God? This place is just a heap of bricks and stone.” From Nocturne said by Maria. 

The church is a husk, especially having it abandoned- it’s rather what you do with that box that makes all the difference. The people inside are the driving force, so I think it’s both poetic and funny to have Mizrak and Olrox fucking in an abandoned church. Surface level: fuck you god I’m fucking my hot vampire boyfriend in your house. Deeper level: I could write a whole thing on this but I’ll refrain. You can get the gist of breaking free of restraint, and devotion and letting himself be human, rather than a soldier (which he already slowly does). 

Though also this sex scene isn’t necessary, I just like exploring explicit content in artistic ways, especially if I can throw in religious symbols and heighten that hunger/devotion to a person- but the “I love you” in the church is pretty powerful already.  

Then after all of this they take it at their own pace. However, they only live life once and continue together like that- they both know this concept very well because of the very nature of who they are, so they spend it in each other’s company. 

Now you also get the squad’s reactions, well namely because I do not think this would be an easily hidden thing. Like absolutely could get away with it in season 1, but everyone will know something is up for sure in my iteration. The 'hypothetical' Mystery Animator season 2 iteration. As subtle as their longing stares and quiet hand touches may be reserved for just them- those little interactions are loud.

Richter would absolutely be in shambles over Olrox, the killer of his mother, and Mizrak being a thing. Both in a “this is the most horrible thing that’s happened in my life” and also a he’s going to be an absolute shithead to Mizrak and make fun of him, lightheartedly of course. Alucard would absolutely have an interesting perspective because again, his parents. Maria already has disdain for the church plus the “vampires are evil… and evil has to be fought.” However, in the presence of Alucard, I think a lot will change because he’s half-vampire. Annette, I’m unsure of what her reaction would be, because I’m very sure she’d be receptive to Alucard being a vampire and then would appreciate Olrox’s mindset and values. However, gonna keep hammering, Olrox killed Julia Belmont which I feel will be comedically hammered in if Olrox decides to hang around the squad occasionally. 

And with that, we’re done! (I think)

Thank you for reading 🫶 this probably will not happen in cv s2 but it’s fun blurting out my hc. I’m really excited to see what they do, and even perhaps even go in the opposite direction due to episode limitations… maybe a season 3 👀 who knows.

[citruslllad]

Love your qsmp au, it’s been haunting my brain for the past few hours. Jacob questioning his sanity makes me cackle. Love the concept of a character having a prominent person in their life being lost or replaced and having to find them. I’m particularly curious as to the dynamics Jacob has with the other qsmp members once he arrives on the island. Anyone they like, despise? How do they interact with a certain cat boy conspiracist and our resident eldritch care bear?

Also unrelated, love how Jo is just a concerned observer in all of this. His friend went from pretty okay mentally to “No Jo I’m telling you I’ve definitely had a roommate this whole time! You’ve met her in real life several times by now! Stop gaslighting me about the plushies I’m not a plush guy I wouldn’t buy these on my own. Fine, if there’s no roommate JO, then why is there a drawing tablet in that other room? There is a LIVE BIRD IN MY LIVING ROOM and yet I’ve never expressed interest in owning one. Worse yet, I haven’t MONETIZED IT?! THIS ISN’T FUNNY JOE MY LIFE HAS BECOME A TWILIGHT ZONE EPISODE”

ANON I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR THE INBOX RAMBLE <<<<33333

the thing is, they first realized something was off when they were on stream and chatting w/ friends, said something along the lines of "yeah haha it's been so quiet without Jaiden around, hope she's having a good time" and someone goes oh who's Jaiden? and you can practically see the gears in his head turning. at some point he's like we'll they'll HAVE to believe me if i bring them over and they all see her room and setup and stuff right? and then some of their buddies arrive and go lol Jo you had such a weird setup before you left and Jo's just going along with it like yeah haha I don't even remember it, it was a weird time in my life and Jacob is FUMING

regarding dynamics, focusing on Cellbit + Jacob first, I don't think they trust each other at ALL at first. they're both nice to each other for the sake of being polite, but they literally CanNot trust the other, Cellbit because last time he trusted an "ally" he became employee of the month, and Jacob because not trusting anyone on the island comes with the package. over time, they begin to bond over their shared stressful experience, but it's a while till then

(taking this ^^^ into account, Cellbit is secretly ECSTATIC to have Jacob around. not because of Jacob himself, but because they can remember everything about the outside world whereas Cellbit cannot. they bring him a small sense of closure)

he definitely get along better with some of the other members, though. the first people that come to mind are Slimecicle, Roier and Baghera. other than that, he doesn't exactly have all the time in the world to interact with everyone on the island, so he's mostly neutral (except for those he knows has willingly worked with the federation, like Foolish or Elq. he doesn't trust that in the slightest)

with Cucorucho it's a bit of a different story. they've never interacted with it, and all they know about it is from Cellbit, so it's safe to say they'd rather keep off of it's radar. when he DOES meet with it, however, he's very offput by it. they laugh at first, yes, because Cucorucho literally looks like a life sized stuffed animal, but he very quickly gets disturbed by it, something made to look so friendly and undeceiving being capable of so much. he isn't a fan.

(here are some refs i doodled while watching jaiden vods btw <3)

[wunder-plunder]

Who was your first hetalia oc? Do you have an oc for every German province/state (can't remember what they're called in Germany (+_+))? How long have you been into hetalia? Also I can so relate to your comment about not posting art, if I could draw I'd post so much art but I too wasn't blessed with that talent. Also how are you? -🪽

Oh my god, hi! 🥰 Thank you for your ask! I had to ponder a bit about who my first hetalia oc was. My wild guess is hesse. But I must say that he is more like a semi-oc, since I've taken his design (scar on his face, blond hair, tied into a low etc.) from hima, but gave him an original personality, character arc and human name. So if we were to exclude him and look for the first actual oc, it would probably be brandenburg, since my whole hetalia oc (and fanfic) journey began with me imagining what would happen if he and hesse were to attend the world summit instead of Ludwig and Gilbert. And no, sadly I don't have an oc for every german state I excluded the city-states bremen, hamburg and berlin because I found it a bit difficult personifying cities. Besides, one of them is berlin, whose history is so wild and complicated I would have to bend time and space to have them be a somewhat functioning person 🥲. One that fits in with the others and the story anyway. But apart from those three, yes, I do have ocs of the remaining 13.

How long have I been into hetalia? A few years now, although it was more of an on-and-off relationship. I watched the anime and read the manga in 2017 and waited till 2019 to get obsessed with hetalia fanfiction. I began writing my own not shortly after only to wait again till the end of 2023 to post it on ao3. So yeah, quite some time...

It's so sad, isn't it? Not being able to draw your ocs and show people the exact way you imagine them to look like? I mean, sure, one can always learn to draw. Practice makes perfect, after all, but I fear that once I start drawing, it will become yet another skill for my inner perfectionist to obsess over in the worst of ways. And I already have my hands full practicing playing the avatar: the last airbender theme on my kalimba until my fingers are sore and trying not to cringe at every line of my written fics. But that's probably just me...😌

How I am? Thanks so much for asking 😊. I've definitely been better. Uni is kicking my butt and exams are approaching on the horizon, which obviously doesn't help my current burnout. But I'm trying to drag myself through. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, I know there is. Apart from that, I can't complain.

This reply is probably way longer than you asked for and I apologize for that haha. Anyway, thank you again for your curiosity. It really made my day. ❤️

[moon-megami]

New Neurologist

Today I had a very inconvenient auto-rescheduled neurologist follow up appointment. I've only seen the actual Neurologist once, but he didn't find anything 'wrong' with me other than "it's probably migranes", so I got shuffled off to one of his nurse practitioners. This time I got a new one since the old one was no longer there. If anything, the old NP was passionate and caring, which helped. But she was mostly making sure the headache that likes to shatter the base of my skull hasn't came back and that I'm using my CPAP. I've been using 500mg of Magnesium to keep that skull-shattering pain away, and it's working. No one is going to pry that supplement out of my cold dead hands.

She starts out with the broad question "How are you?". A loaded question for someone who has a thousand problems. How am I? For which part of me? I could only muster up that my POTS was acting up because I got a stomach bug last week and my body hasn't caught up. I could kinda tell she didn't really 'follow', not a great sign. I felt slightly dizzy when standing yesterday, I had to use the scooter at the store to get myself a birthday present. She looked at my BP and just said "It's normal". No shit shirlock.

She steers the conversation to my headaches. My regular GP gave me Topimax at the beginning of January to try, but I was really weary of the side effects. I had finally eluded to him the fact I was smelling and tasting cigarette smoke out my nose and it had gotten worse and worse since August (I experienced phantom smells for at least 7+ years), so he gave me a low dose of 25mg Topimax because it could be a migraine aura. Checks out I guess. I've always known I have painless headaches or at least non-conventional headaches. About a week ago I finally noticed the effects and the smell is mostly gone. But the brain fog is still there.

The brain fog. I've always had brain fog since I've been diagnosed with POTS and Dysautonomia 13 years ago. I was 22 when all my issues started. But recently, around August or so (along with the phantom smell), it has gotten so much worse. So much so, that I can barely do my job. I'm a web programmer, and I need my brain to work. I need to be able to write more than a few lines of code a day, and yet, lately, that's all I can muster. Following a few trains of thought has been hard for me the past few months. This is a different beast of brain fog. As I sit there pouring this out to my new NP, tears roll down my cheeks. She asks me if I'm "sure" it just didn't start happening with Topimax (because one of the side effects is cognitive decline and brain fog). I reiterated to her, no, definitely not. If only I could show her my git history, hah.

She says "Let's take a little test". She gets up and brings back a paper, saying it's a memory test or whatever. I thought to myself, ok, this is easy. I don't like being put on the spot but I put my best effort face on anyway. She gave me 5 words to remember at the start of the test. Easy. She put a timer on one minute and told me to list as many animals I can think of. Sure.

"Cat, fish, chicken, dog, ... bird ... lion .. giraffe ....... cat ....." before I knew it, the timer was going off and I was sitting there in a ball pulling my hair out practically. Ugh. Failed that one miserably. I've always been bad at pulling things out of my ass. Go ahead, ask me where anything is. I know exactly where it is, but don't get the word "dresser" out of me when I tell you "its on the thingy over there".

Next was a few math problems, took me longer to answer but I think i was still riled up from the last question. After that I had to repeat back numbers backwards in increasing length, easy.

Next, I had to put an X on the triangle. She hands me the paper. I go straight for the square and mark it and she's like "No... that's the square." FUCK. "oh.. uh.. oh yeah the triangle lol haha". She then tells me to draw the hands of the clock "ten til eleven". I re-read the sentence next to the clock to make sure I understood and drew the clock, perfect, yep.

Next she read me a short story at the bottom of a paper and I answer all the details she asked for after. At the end she asks me for the words at the begining of the test.

Oh yeah. Those.

2 of them I was certain of. Pen and Tie. 2 I wasn't sure but I tried to remember her gestures at the time, Ball and Shirt, surely. The other was a mystery.

She takes the paper and totals the score. She had a slight downturn in her smile as she looked at the answers and the score. She says to me "Perhaps we should refer you to a center for further evaluation.". I asked her what I scored, out of curiosity. She forced a smile and scooted her chair closer to me. I know a polite blow when I see one, and it was coming. "Well... I expected a little higher score for someone your age and education level". There is is. Boom.

I asked her what I scored and what I missed. She said I got a 20/30, which doesn't mean much to me. But apparently, I only remembered 2/5 words, and missed all the number backward questions except for the 2-digit one, she seemed to have forgiven me for the triangle mistake. I drew the clock wrong. WAIT. I DREW THE CLOCK WRONG? Damn, I'm really stupid. Yeah, I drew it as 11:55 and not 11:50. All I had to do was draw a straight line with 2 arrows. Ugh. At least I got all the details in the story right.

So she wrote up some labs I have to go get now, told me to stop taking Topimax, and wrote me a prescription for Qulipta, which, as you know, is a very expensive medication. CBC, TSH, Total T4, B1, B12, Folate, D 25 hydroxy. All will come back normal I'm sure, I've had most of them checked recently anyway. And that referral, which will probably also take months to hear back from. In the car, I was mad at myself and a little sad. What did the test mean for me? I have always had... difficulties in some departments. I know I had learning difficulties, but I've always conquered them. I have never let it define me or interfere with my successes.

As soon as I got home, I wrote my GP an email through my portal explaining that she wanted me to stop taking the Topimax and start Qulipta, and about my test result. I had mentioned the crippling brain fog to him on my last visit too.

He wrote back in the evening, I assume after all his patients for the day. The tone of his correspondence came off to me as slightly spiteful, and I don't know how I feel about it. I've been building up a great rapport with him for 4 years, trusting him with more and more of my symptoms as I went along, him listening to just about every one of them and offering is best knowledge.

"I only have experience with Topimax and not Qulipta, but it seems like they have convinced your insurance to cough up the money for the expensive drug by using your cognitive test to justify taking you off Topiramate."

So was I just... used? Was all that test for was to get a kickback for a drug? It didn't feel like it, surely she wouldn't have bothered with ordering all the labs and that referral for further testing to a completely unrelated center? Talk about knocking me down a few inches more, to how already diminished I was feeling earlier today after my appointment. I feel mad and betrayed, but did he really mean it the way I am taking it? Was he mad I went against his own recommendations?

Again my closest friend is no help, he tries to comfort saying he'd score the same as me. From my quick Google search, and I do mean quick, because I didn't want to scare myself, 'normal' educated people my age don't score that low, even if they try. I don't tell my husband because I don't want him to worry, he has anxiety and worries too much. I only tell him things I am certain about. I don't know what to do with myself but type what I feel here and cry.

I guess that's the point of a blog.

[isabellehemlock]

15 Questions & 15 Tags

Thank you @boutiquetraveltravelboutique for tagging me on this one!  I was telling @nalyra-dreaming how I had seen her reply to these and I was like, “OHHH I want to do it” and then planned on it doing once I was back full time and then here I was getting tagged for it while I was away - how lucky am I <3

So here we go!

Are you named after anyone?  Sort of.  Basically, Katharina is a fairly common German name version of Katherine, and my mom does have a Tante Katharina who is turning 90 this year!  But I think it was more “I like the name” vs. being named after them.  However, both my middle names are for my paternal and maternal grandmothers.

When was the last time you cried?  What kind?  I definitely have no problem sharing the “my joy overfloweth” kind of crying at any time - literally got an emote of my bday face from like two years ago being all happy crying at digital gifts and well wishes lol - but the sad, or anxiety kind?  Nah.  I’ll dip before anyone gets to see that.  Let’s blame my Scorpio vibes and not the c-ptsd. 

Do you have kids?  I do!  I have (in my belief system) one child in Heaven from a pregnancy loss and two AMAB kiddos I refer to as my rainbow babies.  I consider them precious gifts that I hope I never take for granted <3   

Do you use sarcasm a lot?  In person, I can easily dip into a Vince Vaughn kind of sarcasm lol (you can even get glimpses via VC chats haha), but online??  My brain reads very literally, I’ll blame the ND codedness, so I use tone indicators and sometimes do ask for them - and happy to provide them if asked, too.  

What's the first thing you notice about people?  Oh!  That’s an interesting question - hm, if given the opportunity (say, a large gathering) I tend to observe how they treat others, especially people who cannot do anything for them - are they kind to the staff?  To the retail worker?  Do they put the cart back?  Do they roll their eyes at someone herp derping and having a (harmless) good time?  Do they snicker and sneer?  Do they speak to people in a kind way? 

When meeting someone directly for the first time, I try to observe what their comfort level is when it comes to personal space and eye contact - everyone is different - so still observing, approaching slowly, smiling, just doing what I can to help create a comfortable safe space before introducing myself with name, and pronouns and (though certainly not implying pressure that they have to share theirs), allowing them to know I’m a safe space if they’d like to share :)  

You can really tell my human services/mediation training is shining through lol  

What's your eye colour?  Blue and green with gold colored central heterochromia 

Scary movies or happy endings?  Both, but if I have to pick one, scary movies!

Any special talents?  Tbf some of it this might have more to do with practice vs talent lol, but essentially, all the art things - writing, drawing, singing, some dancing, etc.  Because of chronic lung disease the last two are obviously impaired, but at my peak health days of my youth I competed in nationals for show choir and was a lyrical soprano - I can still hit the notes on good breathing days :) 

Where were you born?  Fulda, Germany 

What are your hobbies?  Most recently consistent?  Fandom works: writing, digital art, doing fandom events.  I’ve also enjoyed various crafts (mostly paper media, but some mixed media as well).  I’ve gotten compliments on my digital prints via my old etsy store, and made Saint peg dolls, and mini Saint altar shrines - I still make the occasional ones for parishioners as requested.  But yeah, most of my hobbies are digital <3 

Do you have any pets?  Too sensitive to pet dander, ammonia, and all related pet things lol - however my mom and brother have animals upstairs in their apartment (two dogs, and three cats), and my kiddos have two guinea pigs (and I haven’t been able to be in their room for more than five minutes at a time since) lol

What sports do you play/have you played?  I was the sick kid in school lol.  I did have a couple stable years in my mid teens, so I did show choir which involved dancing and singing show tunes haha

How tall are you?  Five feet and five and a HALF inches - the half is very important also Marilyn Monroe was the same height, and as a fellow curvy gal I’m like yesssss

Favourite subject in school? English and History :)

Dream job?  Kindergarten teacher, or an art teacher - but especially anything related to children’s services - I went to school for it and am grateful to have had opportunities to work with children in the past <3

1516 people (though no pressure of course) . . . 

@energievie @timidkoala @cosima-nova @actualmermaid @thirdspin @wrenaspun @werebearbearbar @yourlazyturtle @you-came-back @sunray-sunray @dominicknight @prouvaireafterdark @angelicmousegirl @nicolos @nicelytousled @ongreenergrasses

[sysig]

Milaaaaa 🐷 💕

[iamlivinginsideyourwalls]

Thank you for the tag @ratherbeabrcharacter ! Hshdbr,,

1. Are you named after anyone? || Yep!! The names I've been expiramentimg with recently are all from fictional characters, other than one, which is an animal.

2. When was the last time you cried? || I think it was 3 days ago? I had accidentally deleted a ton of photos that weren't properly backed up, and like my dad, I keep lots of photos of family + friends so I don't forget. So that was upsetting, to say the least.

3. Do you have kids? || Technically, no. But I've practically adopted all my little sister's friends, as they all call me father now.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? || Yes, but only with certain people, since most don't get my sarcasm and I end up offending them... :(

5. What sports do you play/have played? || I played football for a while in grade 7-8, and I still play soccer and road hockey sometimes. Not often, though.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? || I don't know, I never thought to pay attention to this. If I had to guess, probably their voice - though I need to hear it consistently for a while to remember it.

7. What's your eye colour? || Hazel! Because of that, switches between green and brown sometimes.

8. Scary movies or happy endings? || I like both, but I'd prefer a happy ending!

9. Any special talents? || I mean, I wouldn't call it special, or a talent, but I can make some really weird sounds with my voice?

10. Where were you born? || Canada! I feel it's fine to share this, since it's fairly large and I'm not specifying where, or if I still live there. So, yeah! Haha.

11. What are your hobbies? || drawing, reading, singing sometimes, and I like to use clay when I get the chance.

12. Do you have pets? || Yep!! Or, my family does. I used to have 2 hamsters, but they don't live long. Currently have a dog, and my sister has a guinea pig.

13. How tall are you? || Just over 5'8", I think. I haven't measured for a while.

14. Favourite subject in school? || Definitely visual arts, English, and Science. (Specifically the space unit.)

15. Dream job? || I have no idea. Probably something to do with a museum or library.

Tags (no pressure, and I know almost no one on this app.) : @aparanoidelectrictoothbrush @emimii @legogeek33

15 questions, 15 mutuals

tagged by @hxilstorm my love :)))

1. are you named after anyone? No, fun fact my parents still hadn't chosen a name for me when we left the hospital! They chose my name pretty randomly from a baby book I think. My middle name's from some great aunt on my mum's side but I never knew her

2. when was the last time you cried? umm two weeks ago when i realised I was gonna have to submit my final essay a day late

3. do you have kids? um NO at this age??? Maybe down the track but yk, depends on the partner/circumstances/general state of the world I guess

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? yeah I probably do, I don't really notice though

5. what sports do you play/have you played? I've been playing soccer nearly 10 years now and it's one of my favourite things, I also did gymnastics, AFL and swimming when I was a kid.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people? their voice and the way they talk

7. what’s your eye colour? blue baby

8. scary movies or happy endings? I don't dislike scary movies it's just that I don't really get it? so I guess I'll say happy endings

9. any special talents? define special- I can juggle, I'm ok at devils sticks. OH and I'm pretty good at using and fixing printers!!

10. where were you born? a while outside Melbourne, abt half an hour from where I live now

11. what are your hobbies? I play the piano! I also like to embroider, make friendship bracelets, and I'm learning to sew

12. do you have pets? yes yes yes! I have 2 dogs, a cat and 2 horses. I'm so excited atm bc this holidays we're hopefully going to start building a chicken shed and I can finally have chickens again after 5 years!!

13. how tall are you? around 5'7? I don't actually know exactly

14. favourite subject in school? tbh i didn't really have one- literature, maths and french are probably tied but they it depends on the teacher

15. dream job? dream job is no job, I would very much like to just sit around and make things all day. Is that an option? I wanted to be an artist when i was a kid. More realistically though, I'd like to teach or do some kind of support work in schools

u don't have to if u don't want to but I'm passing it on to @glitchydyke @startingfires, @megadan94, @thelonelyrainbowdude, @thedumpsterwizard @learnyourlessonswell, @bedrock-sedodn @violet-prism-creatively @omg-a-shark @boobie-fucker, @sentimental-lil-thing, @skyward-nerd, @emilreloaded, @punkocelot @my-dude-james, @dinsicle

[keorami]

So you know when you wanna write a funny situation but you realise that you have to come up with said funny situation? Yeah... I forgot that my sense of humor is atrocious, but at least I tried...? I couldn't focus on one long story so I decided to write several short ones instead! Hope you enjoy!

"I have the feeling you're not enjoying this sleepover very much."

Dream did not, in fact, enjoy this 'sleepover', because not only did it remind him that his only way out of this hell was stuck in here with him, but said way out had been nothing but insufferable since he got here.

"Is this about the bell-"

"You could have gotten us out of here."

Oh yeah, said way out also wasted their one chance at escaping on a fucking bell. Dream hadn't felt such anger in... he doesn't remember actually. He didn't get to feel angry often in here.

"Listen, it was a very important matter-"

He stopped listening at that point. It was the same tirade every time about clout and viewership and whatever that he honestly could care less about. Staring at and counting the cracks in the obsidian seems like a very interesting activity.

"Hey, are you listening?"

1... 2... 3...

"Dude."

4... 5... 6...

"How long are you gonna ignore me?"

7... 8- wait, didn't he count that one already?

"Look at me at least."

No, he doesn't think he will. Because then the bell will be within view, and Dream knows that if he wasn't so pathetically weak, either the bell or Techno would have been thrown into the lava by now. But he is, so he'll throw the next best thing: his body. And fuck whatever the pig might have to say about it.

"Dreeeeeam-"

"WHAT."

He whipped his head so fast his neck hurt a little. He was fully prepared to... well now he doesn't remember, because of all faces he expected Techno to make...

The fuckboy face wasn't one of them.

"Nooo don't be angry, you're so sexy haha."

Oh God, he just died and went to limbo didn't he?

He wasn't sure when exactly he collapsed on the floor, gasping for air in a mix of wheezes and coughing, but Techno was now hovering over him in panic.

"Dream please don't die, I don't want the last thing you ever saw to have been that face-"

Oh, if there was one thing he would make sure not to forget, it would have been that face.

~~~~~

"Man, I'm starving. When do we get food in here again?"

"Um, I don't know really. I guess whenever Sam is in the mood?"

"What."

"Yeah."

Sam hasn't dropped food a single time since he was locked in here. Well, add 'food' to the basic human rights Dream isn't getting. They're really treating this like a bucket list aren't they?

"It's... You'll get used to it."

Dream gives him some potatoes from his inventory, to Techno's absolute delight. At least Sam has great taste, he'll give him that. But...

"...They're raw."

"Well, obviously."

Listen. He loves potatoes. He'd say he loves them to death, if he could die. No matter how you cook them, they turn out delicious. But raw? He'd only eat them raw if it was a life-or-death situation AND he somehow had no source of heat at his disposal, and the likelihood of that situation happening is practically zero. So yeah, he doesn't like to eat them raw.

"And that's all you get?"

"If you can't eat it-"

Ah, those famous words. Now, he's fairly certain that Dream didn't mean it as a challenge, but at this point Techno is just too competitive to see it any other way. Look, you don't get to his level by being passive, okay? So it's perfectly reasonable.

What wasn't reasonable was the taste of this potato because what in the Blood God's name is this.

"What the hell is this."

"...A potato?"

"No, this is a fucking travesty."

And what a sight it was, the Technoblade swearing and ranting about potatoes, of all things. Dream could only last until "mossy cobblestone tastes better than this dry ass, stinky ass garbage" before he lost it. You gotta give him credit for lasting this long at least. Technoblade was too busy ranting to care either way.

~~~~~

This can't be happening.

"Dream."

"What."

He tries to sound neutral, but Techno can hear the snicker in his voice.

"You don't have to do this."

Surely he can reconsider-

"On the contrary, it has to be done."

Dream places a single card on the pile, which happens to be his last one. A Wild Draw 4, to rub salt into the wound. Techno decides that ending on that card should be illegal.

"Remember the deal. No bell for the rest of the day."

"NOOOOOOO!"

Unfortunately, that had been the condition he had to agree to in order to get Dream to play. Because apparently he was "ringing it all the fucking time and it was driving me crazy". There's that, and the threat that Dream would jump in the lava again if he refused. So clearly he had a choice in the matter.

He knew that there was a chance he could lose... but he had deemed it low enough to ignore it. How could he not expect the resident chessmaster of the SMP to utterly trounce him in UNO? He was a fool, and now he has to think about how to make up for the lost clout and money.

At least, judging from the quiet snickers, someone finds his misery funny. He finds consolation in knowing that he may have lost the battle but he won the war. In a way.

~~~~~

"So I almost got mauled to death but that was how I met Steve."

Dream stares at him the way Phil does when he does something particularly outlandish and he fails to see why.

"Can I ask a question."

"Sure."

"Why would the first thing you do upon running into a starving polar bear be hugging it?"

Of course he would question it, because obviously Techno's superior intellect is confusing to the common mind. He just really likes animals, okay? Steve's fur looked so soft and fluffy he just had to touch it, he almost got his face torn off and Phil never let him live that down. But he'll sooner accept governments than let Dream know that. He doesn't want to embarrass himself too much.

"See Dream, I live by a simple philosophy."

"Long live anarchy?"

"No. Well yes, but not just that."

Dramatic silence.

"Any animal is huggable if you aren't a coward."

Dream chokes on his potato, the only one he had eaten today, and Techno worries for a second before he realises that Dream is actually laughing.

"Tech- what-" His body is shaking. "-what is wrong with you??"

"It all started when I was born-"

~~~~~

And it's enough to send Dream rolling on the ground. It wasn't even that funny, but he supposes that prison does a number on you, and Dream's sense of humor was already terrible to begin with.

...Okay, now he had to make sure that the teletubby didn't laugh himself to death.

At the end of the day- at least Techno assumes it's the end of the day, he doesn't know how trustworthy his internal clock is anymore- the two inmates of Pandora's Vault are about ready to fall asleep, but Techno has one last thing to do before that.

"Dream, come here for a minute."

Said man gives him such a wary look that he almost feels insulted.

"...Why?"

"I won't bite, ya know."

"That's... debatable."

Bruh.

"Just get over here."

And Dream complies without any further complaints. Techno hopes he didn't sound too harsh, but his cellmate wasn't shivering uncontrollably, so he thinks he's in the clear.

"What?"

Techno lays his cape down on the very uncomfortable obsidian floor. Seriously, laying down for an hour is enough to make his joints ache. 0/10 would not recommend. How did Dream- right, he doesn't have a choice.

"What are you doing?"

"Making this prison less of a living hell. Come lay down."

"...I'm fine."

Why are you being so difficult, Techno wants to ask, even though he can guess the answer. When was the last time anyone did something remotely nice for him without any catch? Especially in here?

"Stop being difficult and sleep with me already."

Silence.

"...Pft."

"You know what I meant."

In his defense, everyone has their moments, and his usually don't happen that often.

"Stop being so difficult and-"

"Just... get over here. My cape is really soft."

"Is that why you wear it all the time?"

"...Among other things."

But mostly because it was really soft.

Dream still seemed apprehensive about the whole thing, and while usually Techno would have respected his wishes and left him be... the sight of his rival curling up in a corner of the cell, obviously trying to not aggravate his injuries as he did, was saddening even to him. Prime, he's really not good at this... but Dream probably definitely needs it.

So he pulls his roommate into a side hug, which is honestly the best he can manage without ruining his image. It's awkward, Dream is way too stiff, and maybe now would be the time to say something before embarrassment kills either or both of them. Something reassuring, comforting to help Dream relax in his presence for example.

"This is gonna be the best sleepover you've ever had."

...But the day he stops relying on humor for any kind of social interaction is the day it'll either stop working or get him killed.

"...This is so stupid."

And today was not that day.

Dream lets out a laugh, shaky but genuine, and relaxes. Techno sees that as a win. Since he's stuck here for a while, might as well make his favorite teletubby's life in here more bearable.

And it's finally over! It only took me... *looks at calendar* ...time is an illusion. Idk if I'm really happy with this, but on the bright side, it's... done? Now I really wanna continue that endersmile fanfic as I got some ideas, hopefully it won't take as long? God I am a writing disaster

Also if you saw any mistakes... no you didn't :)

[lukosei]

Accepted Seneca Animation 2021 Portfolio!!

Hello hello this year I was admitted into Seneca’s Animation program! Here are all of my pieces I included in my application :D

FIGURES

Yeah so advice is PRACTICE LOTS AND LOTS these were some of the first actually kind of okay ones I made (in like early December) and after submitting I DEFINITELY saw myself improve. Minor details. But anyway focus on capturing movement and structure; place importance on line quality and fluidity/smoothness; and of course make sure your proportions are in check. I’d recommend you also familiarize yourself with human anatomy like bones and muscles (mostly muscles) if you haven’t already! Don’t be intimidated by that, surface level will more than suffice. It’s especially helpful for like body checkpoints like the ribcage and how the pectorals transition into the deltoids etc, super super useful to have a general idea of that all in your head when you’re drawing!

HANDS

All the same as figures, you want movement and line quality and some sort of buildup/structure (not too much though, don’t wanna confuse the viewer). Also hands take TONS of practice too, I took reference photos of my own hands and went through so many different attempts. Haha also obviously these were definitely not purely 100% observational contrary to what the requirements said but that’s totally ok if it looks cool and accurate then go for it!

OBJECTS

I think these also kind of sucked lol; like they look fine but not as crisp and precise as some of the other ones I’ve seen. I don’t have much to say about these cause I literally just tried my best but maybe try to pick an interesting object--nothing overly simple like a book or something like that (I did a distortion pedal and Polaroid camera). The point of this section is so they can see how you work with organic and inorganic shapes and geometry. One of the professors made this really good point where a lot of seemingly complex designs like Star Wars spaceships and a bunch of sci-fi architecture are often influenced by everyday items like these—so you gotta learn how to start simple and evolve pre-existing designs into something greater!

LAYOUTS

So then you gotta do a view of a room from one position then like the place opposite to it. I just did my bedroom! Also after submitting I noticed that I drew the floorboards the wrong way in the second image khsfjhk But yeah I took two photos of what I wanted to draw, made a DIGITAL perspective ruler on my primary art program (Clip Studio love them to pieces) and drew the bones there, then I printed that out and went over it traditionally and did all the little details that way. Overall wasn’t too painful. Make sure your perspective is in check and your lines are crisp and readable—even if it’s a busy scene, you don’t wanna confuse the audience. Typically lines in the foreground will be thicker than ones in the background!

Last but not least, for personals I ended up being able to just pick from stuff I’ve already made (I made a compilation of those River Phoenix paintings I’ve made over the years if you’ve seen those, along with the fuckign MLP lineup I did for like a ‘character design’-esque thing (yes I know that counts as fanart and I was hesitant at first but technically they are original human designs minus the colour pallet and also I did not want to make something new with the time constraints) (if you’re doing fanart just make sure it’s not like instantly recognizable or a carbon copy)). I chose these deliberately because I wanted to demonstrate the range I had in my capabilities—so stylized semi-realism with my portraits, and then totally stylized TV show ready character designs to contrast! I personally only chose these two (they only provide two slots), but I know people who just made PDFs of multiple pages of their work. If you do that, I’d suggest to make sure not to bombard them with content, they’re not gonna wanna flip through ALL of it lmao. Choose your best pieces that demonstrate all your strengths! Don’t include things you hate or don’t like drawing, chances are that’ll be obvious to the people who are evaluating them and it’ll hurt your chances.

Then we also had to make a resume,,,,,, I just took my actual resume and swapped stuff out for more of the ‘creative’ activities I’ve participated in throughout my life (ie. runner-up winner for Miku Expo design contest, member of my school’s comic club, was in a musical a couple years ago, etc.).

Yep so hopefully this has been helpful to those who are interested!

[aslitheryprinx]

These are from song titles, but I think these are poggers (I hope, at least)

* And there was life inside "it"

* Can it really be called "Cinderella" ?

* Love inside an empty box

* World is full of wonders (Or "Full of wonders!!!!")

* Near

* Angel's clover

Don't worry anon, they are most definitely poggers! (Both of my current ao3 published works have names based on song lyrics, so that really fits my vibe haha.)

There are so many good prompts here! I couldn't help but write like.... A lot lmao.

CW: dehumanization, themes of child abuse, themes of death. Be safe!

____

And there was life inside "it"

They called it RNB-00. It was the first in a generation of experimental life production using DNA from one of the most volatile creatures in the worlds: endermen. There were no endermen hybrids. The children could not survive, and the birth was volatile, tearing the parents and anyone near them apart with the violent magic.

They would perform the experiment anyways.

An unfinished human embryo, carefully extracted from someone who would be written in the paperwork as a volunteer. An enderpearl, freshly taken from a creature they didn't consider "human" enough to need even dubious content. DNA, taken directly from the brain of the enderman.

They spliced together the three ingredients, cheering when the chimera of enderman and embryo inside its tubes showed signs of life.

But some things are not meant to be done.

Nature is not meant to be tampered with.

The experiment turned south quickly. The specimen convulsed in its tube, growing at a rapid rate. Vibrant purple magic lashed out, dancing through the lab with a vengeance. There were the cries of a newborn mixed with the shrieks of an enderman- then, an explosion.

RNB-00 fell to the ground, the magic pulsing from it too bright to be looked at by the naked eye. A second explosion rocked the lab, this time all-encompassing and final. The building turned to ash and dust and settled around a new crater.

There would never be a RNB-01.

A shape rose from the center of the crater. It was a child from one angle, maybe two or three, with pure white hair, scarred cheeks, and a red eye.

From the other angle, it was a monster. Something not quite enderman or human. Jet black hair, and velvety black fur covered the left half of it. It's eye glowed an unnatural green, not the color of humans or endermen.

It toddled slowly away from the epicenter of the explosion, no memory of what had happened. As it walked, it noticed a mark, a brand, on it's right arm: RNB-00. The child stared, and blinked at the word.

And he named himself Ranboo.

Can it really be called "Cinderella"?

When Tubbo was young, he saw Cinderella, once. Even with how young he was, the story resonated with him. He wished all his stepfather did was give him chores, but he knew exactly how it felt to be unloved, unwanted, forced to stay on the sidelines. He just hoped his fairy godmother would come soon.

When he was a little older, he looked back on the story of Cinderella with nothing but bitterness. He was old enough now that he knew fairy tales didn't happen. There was no "fairy godmother" coming to save him; there never had been, there never would be. All he had was himself and his shitty situation. He wanted to forget the story that had given him such a bittersweet lie, but it was burned into his memory.

As he reached his teens, the anger turned into weariness. It wasn't Cinderella's fault his stepfather was a piece of shit. It wasn't the character's fault that she had help to break free while he didn't. And how miserable he was wasn't Tubbo's fault either, no matter how much his stepfather screamed it.

When he was 16, feeling ancient yet younger than he had ever been, he stopped comparing himself to Cinderella. Cinderella hadn't stood over her stepparent's body with a bat. Cinderella hadn't called the police on herself, showing them what she'd done and then the reason why, covering his skin beneath his clothes. Cinderella had been freed, but she hadn't paid such a heavy price for that freedom.

Tubbo had. Tubbo was far from a Cinderella story.

Love inside an empty box

Tommy's love was dangerous. He learned that at a very young age. Love for him wasn't just a feeling, it was a physical thing, at least to his eyes. He could feel every last drop of care, of love gathering around him like a storm. And just like a storm, when the feeling touched down, it was deadly. People, animals, anything that was touched by the love he couldn't stop feeling crumbled under the weight of something that shouldn't exist.

Tommy couldn't stop himself from caring. But he could stop himself from hurting. Hurting others, at least. Tommy commissioned a solution from a witch with a terrible reputation for cruelty, but a renowned skill with magical crafting. It cost him everything he owned, and some of who he was, but he walked away with an empty box made to hold what he couldn't afford to keep.

For years after that, every time he felt love building up in his chest- his care for friends, the people he considered family, even for strangers- he tore it off of himself and flung it into the box. Over time, the box grew full, bursting at the seams with his love. He learned to discard all but the most precious feelings, keeping those in his overstuffed box that weighed nothing and locking them inside.

But no lock lasts forever. Nothing lasts an eternity.

Tommy was alone with nothing but his thoughts, his box, and the ghost of a brother who was only really that in the privacy of his mind. He let his eyes shut, the box held loosely in one hand. The ghost, not knowing the consequences, touched the box.

And the seams of magic holding it together shattered and the love Tommy had stored away broke free, as powerful and terrible as a hurricane.

If it had been Wilbur, the man would've died as surely as he had when a blade was thrust through his heart. But this was Ghostbur, and you cannot kill what is already dead.

Still, such power has consequences. All the love in the box, far too powerful to be contained for long, spilled over, pouring over and around the ghost and the boy.

Yes, such power has consequences. The boy with too much love and his brother that never was would face those consequences together.

(world is) full of wonders

Wilbur is a simple musician. He travels alone, playing an ode to all of the world around him. He sings to the trees, the sky, the river, the sun, anything he pleases.

Though he knows it's silly, he can't help but imagine they sing back. He tries to match the harmony he hears in his mind, tries to play along with the symphony of nature. He can never keep up, but likes to imagine the world is fond of his efforts.

But even musicians can stumble into trouble. Too caught up in the ballad he played to the tune of the wind, he didn't hear the rattle of bones, the drawing of a bow. He heard only the twang as an arrow released before it pierced through his skull and everything went black.

But Wilbur wasn't gone. He didn't cease to exist, like he always assumed. He felt the cool caress of the void, the gentle brush of the universe against his mind and he gasped. Clearer than he'd ever heard it, he heard the song of the world, in perfect harmony and tune. This time, it sang along to him, to the pulsing of his soul.

Wilbur had no body, but if he did he would weep. He had no lungs, no mouth, no voice, but his soul took up the melody he longed to sing anyways. He sang with the universe until the song became more and more impossible to replicate and he could only listen in awe.

He woke up painlessly, laying on a gentle green field. His guitar was by his side, and his sweater was cleaner than it had ever been. He knew instinctually that he was not in the world he'd came from. This was a new world, a universe untouched, a new song to add his voice to.

Near

It hit him, one day, as he absently peeled a potato over the sink. That he didn't remember if he'd ever touched another person.

Techno had froze for a moment. It was quite the revelation to have out of nowhere. He dismissed it a moment later, memories of how he and Phil would bump shoulders as they walked and talked fresh in his mind.

But all too soon his thoughts turned back to the uncomfortable topic. Sure he'd touched Phil before, but that was through layers of armor and clothing. Had he ever had skin to skin contact with another person? Anything, as simple as a handshake? Hell, even something during battle would count.

He came up empty, and it was driving him crazy.

He didn't need to touch people. He didn't. Having someone he cared about liked close to him was good enough. He didn't need physical contact to reassure him. He never had, not even as a child.

Though that may have had something to do with the chorus of voices he'd had in his head that had kept him on the brink of insanity for most of his childhood. His voices were always there, always with him, so what need did he have for another person's company?

Except he did like company, Phil's especially. And he had it, plenty of it, more than he could ever possibly need. So why did he suddenly feel so off balance?

He asked Phil about it next time he saw his friend. He kept it casual. It wasn't a big deal, he didn't need to worry Phil by letting how much this had bothered him show.

"Hey, Phil, have we ever touched?" He asked. Phil gave him a weird look, then bumped his shoulder.

"Like that?" He asked, unimpressed. "Mate, maybe you should check your own memory before you call me old man again."

"Nah," Techno dismissed, "I meant like... skin to skin. Like a handshake or something."

This actually gave Phil pause. He thought for a moment, then laughed.

"I guess we haven't. Weird. Why?"

"I... Don't think I've ever touched anyone like that," Techno said. He tried to keep his voice steady, but his heart was pounding as he poured out his weakness in front of Phil.

The other man was silent for a long time. Techno could practically hear the shouts of ever??? running through his mind.

Suddenly Phil turned towards him, pulling off a glove.

"Handshake?" He offered with a smile, something sad beyond the amusement in his eyes. Techno rolled his eyes, but he hesitated taking his glove off. Slowly reaching out, as if Phil's hand was a snake that might strike at any sudden movements, he placed his hand in Phil's.

The sensation was like a fire roaring to life on his hand. It didn't hurt, not like a real fire, but it somehow burned. He froze, his brain having trouble processing the bizarre feeling. It was overwhelming, and the best thing he'd ever felt, and yet it was almost a relief when Phil gently pulled his hand away.

"We'll take it slow, alright mate?" He said, nudging Techno with an elbow. The piglin's brain began to work again and he snorted, pulling the glove on again and falling back into step.

"Of course. We can't overwork your old man brain," Techno said dryly, earning him a sharper nudge. He grinned, the amusement softening to fondness as Phil walked just a little closer, letting their arms stay pressed together as they went.

It was strange how you didn't notice you were missing something until you had it. Bare contact was a little too overwhelming right now. So he was right. For now, this was enough. Having his best friend near him was all he needed.

Angel's Clover

There is a special plant that only grows in the land of celestials. An ethereal clover that sprouts from the weary souls that come to rest on the soils of heaven. The souls and the clover flourish in time with one another, tended to by the celestials that walk the lands. It is only a rumor, in the eyes of mortals, but one who walks among them knows it to be true. He is the Angel of Death, and his presence can never touch the sacred halls of the celestial lands, lest they wither and die.

But souls do not always complete the journey, to find their final rest above. Some souls are too broken, too hurt to reach the peace of the celestial lands. It is the duty of the Angel of Death to guide the souls, and it is his duty to heal them so that they may be guided.

In the land of the mortals, there is one place where the clover grows. It is in the humble garden of a plain looking man, who wears a large hat to block his eyes from the sun, and keeps his unearthly wings folded beneath his cloak.

In his garden, the Angel of Death nurtures the precious remnants of life.

[pazii]

Ooh hello may I get a Genshin matchup as well?? I'm 18+ so I'd like a romantic matchup w one of the older men pls!!

Some things about myself:

I tend to come off as very social and friendly bc I'm too socially awkward to decline a conversation haha. I'm usually good at making small talk if the other person asks questions but I can't really come up w topics myself. The one exception is if they ask about my interests bc I will go on for literally hours (and on multiple tangents) if they don't stop me lmao

I've almost always got a smile on my face. I'm not the type to get angry or jealous easily, I'd most likely just be sad, and even then I'd never show it to anyone. It's like, I'm supposed to be the one supporting my friends, they can't see me like this

In extension to my last point: I hate being perceived as less than competent. I only accept failure when I'm alone. If someone's watching me I start to worry about my performance and tend to fuck up even more.

My memory for my day to day life is kinda terrible. It's not that I'm forgetful per se (if I focus on something I can certainly remember it), I just don't pay attention to the details of my daily life so if people ask me what I had for breakfast I wouldn't know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In contrast, I have an extensive library of random trivia in my brain. Whether it be the properties of every element on the periodic table or the evolutionary relationship between animals and fungi or the reason why we have an asteroid belt. If you ask me anything about the natural world I'll probably have an answer.

My love language is quality time and physical touch

My hobbies are drawing, creative (prose) writing, and piano! Tho I wouldn't let anyone watch me drawing/writing/practicing

I love cats and really any living thing. I'm the person who would trap the spider and take it outside. This is prob a result of my biologist training lol, learning about living beings gave me an appreciation of all life

I like one on one time with my friends/loved ones. We could be going out on a fancy date or just chilling at home, as long as it's just the two of us. Large gatherings wear out my social battery much more quickly.

As for dislikes, I can only really think of food preferences lol. I hate onions and mushrooms (green onion is okay tho and garlic is absolutely delicious). If someone will eat my mushrooms for me while I tell them about the different fruiting bodies of fungi I will marry them sdjfsjfks

I hope this was enough info and wasn't too rambly!! Thank you in advance :D

Hello!! I apologize for the long wait and hope you like this!

I match you with...

Zhongli!

Zhongli always wants to get to know his beloved better so he tends to ask you a lotof questions about yourself

Which is how you both usually start conversations, the small talks you make he will extend them into a bigger conversation

Zhongli is an excellent listener so there would never be any boring conversations when he's here

He finds it absolutely adorable when you ramble on about your interests

He loves that you're always so cheerful with a sweet smile on your face but it always makes him worried since happy is the only emotion you're willing to show him

He loves every part of you and understand that humans experiences sadness,anger, all kinda of emotions

He is very understand when you tell him you're not comfortable with showing him

He is very patient and would still reassure you a lot that he's here for you and would do anything for you

He hates to know that you're hurting alone and not being alone to do anything

Zhongli has an amazing memory so don't worry, he will remember your day for you

He loves to hear all the small trivia you have memorized and finds your ability to remember them really amazing

He in turn will tell you little knowledge he has memorized over time as well

Zhongli loves spending time with you

Even of you both just sat in silence enjoying each other's company with a drink/ tea

He is very interested in your hobbies and will ask you about them

As mentioned before, he is very patient and understanding so he will always oblige your request and leave you alone when you wanted to be

He loves any loving touch and will definitely hold you in his warm embrace

Zhongli also appreciates all kinds of life

He loves animals and humans, any creature in this world honestly

They peak his interest and wouldn't mind having many conversations about them with you

The two of you loves playing with the dogs and cats around Liyue harbor

As for dates

Star gazing? Facy dinner date? Just a walk around Liyue harbor? Stay at home to enjoy each other's presence?

Sign him up!

Anything you'd like to do, he's down

As long as you two are together and having fun <3

He would definitely help you eat the food that you dislikes since he's not a very picky eater except for seafood

I can see you guys having a lot of bounding time while dinning together

Just many lovely conversations

[doorbloggr]

Saturday 1/5/21 - The Chad Absurd Confidence; NSP

With the spread of mass media, there's always someone to compare yourself to, and for most of us, that means a daily battle with I'm not good enough, there's so many people so much more talented, better looking, and charismatic than me.

I have struggled with this mentality for the longest time too, and like many others, I tried to cushion the blow by falling back on self depreciating humour. Haha I'm so pathetic. My drawings are so awful lol. Oh my god I'm so cringe, you guys must think my taste in anime is so degenerate.

But recently, I came across a meme on Twitter that has prompted a desire for change in myself.

Knowing you're not godlike but saying it anyway

Part of the draw of The Chad Absurd Self-Confidence Humour is that when you start using it, you know that you're not being serious about it. If I was to say "My last D&D session art is fucking godlike, put this shit in the Louvre next to Mona Lisa, Hirohiko Araki wishes he had my skills", of course I'm not being serious.

None of that is even close to the truth, but if I start saying good things about my creations, I've planted the seed in my mind that some of it might be true. And if other people have negative opinions on me, I've got to counter their arguments with unparalleled confidence that I'm better.

Ross "RubberNinja" O'Donovan's reply to the haters

I haven't taken up this attitude yet, because I have little to no practice with it. To use art as an example again, to improve, you can't just practice in a vacuum, its best to observe other's work and incorporate various techniques to strengthen your own skills.

But where would you look to practise putting yourself on a pedestal of Olympian heights ?

Ultimate Power Fantasy: Danny Sexbang

'Operation "I rule" is a total success!' - Unicorn Wizard, Ninja Sex Party

Ninja Sex Party (NSP) is a comedy rock/synth band by comedy duo Leigh Daniel Avidan and Brian Wecht who play the role of absurdly charismatic characters Danny Sexbang and Ninja Brian respectively. As the band's name implies, a lot of their music tells comedic tales of adult nature, often how godly Danny's sexual prowess is.

But Danny Sexbang is never framed as a perfect untouchable sex god, nor is he framed as a pathetic compulsive liar, there is an interesting middle-ground that perfectly encapsulates the absurdist confidence I discussed above.

"It's not just masturbation its an orgy for one, It's a fuckin' celebration it's an orgy for one" - Orgy for One, Ninja Sex Party

The song that prompted me to write this blogpost is Unicorn Wizard, a what-if story about the already amazing Danny becoming a literal super hero wizard. This type of power fantasy song is common among their music, and Dan is portrayed as someone who is definitely not as fantastic as he says, but his confidence surrounds him like a forcefield.

'I think I just dreamed it...' 'How was it? Amazing?' 'Eugh!' 'You mean Eugh-stounding? Yeah you do' - Unicorn Wizard, Ninja Sex Party

Instead of getting down-trodden when confronted with negativity, Ninja Sex Party teaches us to strike back with an unbridled level of confidence. This song isn't the only one we can learn from however.

A good halfway for people who struggle to not belittle themselves, is owning their weaknesses but with passion and confidence. Three Minutes of Ecstasy presents Danny boasting how he can last for three minutes in the bedroom and you should be very thankful for that.

'For one hundred and eighty seconds, The sex will blow your mind' - Three Minutes of Ecstasy, Ninja Sex Party

His lacklustre sexual abilities are played for laughs but its never pointing and laughing at Danny. He is owning that, 3 minutes of ecstasy, several nights a month, is actually for his lover's benefit. It would be dangerous to go any longer or harder because the sex is just that good. Even one's own mediocre abilities can be framed as impressive if you say it the right way.

Cool Patrol, Ninja Sex Party

And then Cool Patrol is a song about believing in yourself and celebrating how amazing you are. Of course in typical NSP fashion, we are shown that the aforementioned 'Cool Patrol' is not hard ass, heavy and hyper masculine, the Cool Patrol does silly dances, makes funny noises, covers themselves in lunch foods and are generally embarrassing. Sure you high-schoolers have leather biker clothes and sunglasses, but I can rub my thighs together and set fire to Mars!

'Now harness all your sexy fury in a victory stance, This is the Cool Patrol Dance' - Cool Patrol, Ninja Sex Party

But that's ok, confidence is not something given to yourself by others, it has to come from a belief in yourself. What you think is cool is going to be different from other people. Some people think that expensive cars, rap music, and snapbacks are cool. I think watching Vtubers, Monster Hunter, Dungeons and Dragons, and Caramelldansen is cool.

In order for me to truly enjoy myself as person, its not a case of blocking out mine and other's negative opinions of myself, it is accepting that those thoughts exist and providing absurd arguments in the other direction. Because if your response to those negative thoughts are not serious in the slightest, then those negative thoughts too won't be taken seriously.

And maybe eventually you'll come to believe you are truly in fact god-like.

Here's a playlist of confidence boosting Ninja Sex Party Music. Love yourself everyone.

[ravenxbones]

From a Fun Ghoul in a Distant Land (haha adventure time reference), what are your headcanons for Ghoul?

ah you’ve picked my favorite character to ask about, tysm 🙈🥰

some of this might be redundant from my main BUT here we go

sometime i definitely want to draw his tattoos more fully but he really just has SO MANY. some have meaning (ones in memory of people, ones for his crew, ones that are mementos essentially) and some don’t but his knuckle tattoos are some of the first ones he got upon getting out to the desert (he left the city at age 13) which is why they are. well. a little earnest and a little stupid (one hand reads ‘freed’ and the other one says ‘fuck’. ANYWAYS)

aside from jet who’s desertborn he’s the member of the fab four who’s been in the desert the longest — technically. kobra left with poison at age 12 so he was youngest but ghoul has been out for longer. & he definitely has the roughest backstory. both he & poison were crow trainees and the catalyst for him leaving batt city was the death of his sister & grandmother

this is because of a hc that @sleevesareforlosers shared but now i really associate poppies with him. i think there’s this one california poppy field mid-zone 2-ish that the crew visits when they bloom. ghoul helps the girl make flower crowns for everyone ❤️

ghoul was the one to find the girl in the warehouse where she’d been left after dracs killed her mom & was also the one to argue the hardest to keep her instead of just taking her to gertie’s (obviously they weren’t just going to leave her there but none of them were really sure they could take care of a baby). once it was decided he was also the one who went about finding toys for her and made her a stuffed animal of an indeterminate species. basically what i’m saying is they’re very close <3

he’s had his mouth sliced open and survived, been hit by lightning and survived, endured numerous concussions/broken & bruised ribs/etc from demolition and survived and been shot an incredible number of times and survived so it’s become a kind of weak joke in the crew that the witch is watching out for him (which is probably true)

his hair is naturally black & he doesn’t feel the need to dye it but he has just been letting it grow out since he was about fourteen or fifteen so aside from a reconditioning incident that meant his hair got chopped short again it just gets longer and longer until the girl asks if she can practice hair cutting on him and hacks some of it off every now and then

he learned bombmaking and mechanics from a droid crewmate he had a long time ago — in the last crew he was in before he joined up with the fab four. she’s long dead, but he remembers her every time he wires a detonator or sets an explosive.

here are a few more hcs but basically i love him ty for asking me abt him <3

[razorblade180]

Twin Snowflakes 26: Preparation

[part 1 of 2]

TSF pt25 here! <-

“THANK YOU, PEOPLE OF MANTLE!” Summer yelled, shredding each note of her personal favorite songs. One after another she played to her heart's fill. Each song was more aggressive and brimming with vigor than the last. Summer would’ve played till dawn if she had her way but neither her body or promise to her brother would allow that. It wasn’t time to leave yet but she needed a break.

Summer begrudgingly got herself to get off the stage to let others perform. Their music wasn’t terrible by any means but the other musicians could easily stand to have more practice. A rave audience isn’t hard to please however, so the crowd ate up the talent all the same. A little insulting to her own performance but eh, this wasn’t an actual contest. Summer was happy enough blowing off steam and listening to the beats from behind the stage. Not even she could deny the beats and tempo. Her hips couldn’t help but sway!

From the corner of her eye she could make out a familiar figure keeping an eye on her. “Did Nick tell you to keep an eye on me, Eliza?”

“Not really.” She walked over and poured herself a cup of water. “I was training in the area.”

“Are you saying he had nothing to do with you being here?”

“Oh no, that would be a lie. You know Nick, always negotiating. He really knows how to persuade a person. I wouldn’t be surprised if he could sell a heater to someone living in Vacou. Anyways, he didn’t ask me to stalk you or anything like that. He knew where I’d be and told me if I could swing by for a spell. No harm in that.”

Summer smiled. “Funny. That sounded like you were defending him. Don’t want me getting upset with my own brother?”

“Shut up. It would be a pain if I caused unnecessary controversy in a household. Need I remind you that you both have duties to the school that require your full attention? Frankly I’m glad I arrived. I don’t go to your concerts so my opinion of your performance skills was limited.” Eliza sipped her water, giving Summer’s attire and overall attitude a once over. “Where’s all this when you're getting harassed in the halls?”

“That’s...school is different.”

“Pfft, yeah okay.”

“It is!” Summer said, defensively crossing her arms.

Eliza watched the girl's face soften into the meek and reserved Summer she was used to. To think that’s all it took to shut her down. “I swear you and your brother don’t have a consistent bone in your body. Whatever the case, I don’t really care much as long as you bring your best effort to rehearsal and the live performance.”

Summer squinted. “Not the actual tournament?”

“Hey I don’t participate in the duos. You can bomb that for all I care. But you know, Nick is counting on you to pull your weight. Also it would be pretty annoying if you lost to Max and his asshole know-it-all, Darren. Gods know he’d talk about it until graduation.”

“Was the fight that happened in the school bad?”

Eliza shrugged, “Can’t say. Wasn’t there. He’s always been a thorn to me though so I don’t doubt he made things ugly. He was very rude to Veronica in the principal’s office as well. An act I find inexcusable.”

Summer couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Look I know you admire her and all that jazz, but I’d bet she didn’t help the situation.”

“My views on her have nothing to do with it!” Eliza huffed. “I would think you off people would be sympathetic to a person like her.”

Summer leaned against a wall. “Call me jaded, but Veronica has a habit of bringing out the worst in people.”

Eliza frowned. “You know her better than I. Tell me, is she the type to lie about being harassed?”

Summer didn’t have to think long, especially after learning more about her in the forest. Then there was Veronica’s sketch journal. Summer still couldn’t make sense of all the scratched out pages. On top of that, Blake’s request made Summer even more uncertain. “No. Veronica’s a piece of work, but she isn’t a liar. She might actually be too honest if you asked me. I’ve never had to deal with Darren personally but Nick’s not a fan by any means.” Summer bit her bottom lip. She couldn’t believe it, did she just defend Veronica’s qualities!? It was only fair. Veronica did almost end up a frozen husk.

“Well it’s good to know we can all agree on at least one thing without fail. So not to rush you but how long are you planning on staying in a place like this?” Eliza asked, watching all the party animals.

“Haha, not your type of crowd?”

“The crowd is fine. I can handle a little noise and rowdiness, but it is technically a school night. I- ah! Summer!?” The girl had taken Eliza by the hand and started pulling her to the dance floor.

“If you keep bringing up assignments 24/7 then all you’re gonna look like is a stick in the mud. Live a little. School sucks!”

“School is important!” Eliza protested.

Summer grabbed Eliza’s other hand and started making them sway side to side, back and forth. The blood rushing to Eliza’s cheeks made Summer giggle. “Awww you know you dig it. I’ll make a deal. Cut loose with me for a few songs and I’ll gladly let you dance me right out the front door. Show me that colorguard rhythm!”

Eliza watched the petite girl actively laugh without reservation. Summer jokingly shimmied towards her and swayed her hips, getting lost in the music. Just how much did this girl go out to rave? She looked like she belonged here! The beat got more intense by the moment with no sign of stopping. With her pride in check, Eliza began to sway steadily, getting into the music.

Summer’s eyes lit up. “Aye!”

“Two songs and then we’re out of here.”

“Works for me! Show me what ya got!” Summer turned up the heat by dragging Eliza deeper into the chaos. She might not be as persuasive as Nick, but Eliza quickly found out Summer was definitely more pushy. Forget the tournament. Eliza was beginning to think they’ll beat her at everything!

xxxxx

“This is crazy. How did I not know about this!?” Nick said, walking down the rainy sidewalk.

Veronica smirked as she held Nick’s hand, allowing rain to pass right through them. “Why would you? I barely have any reason to use my semblance; let alone in the more complex ways.”

“You don’t use it when making clothes?”

“Haha, I’m not entirely sure how it would help. Unless I wanna get out of my clothes and into something new in an instant. Not a real trick to show others. Unless…” she blushed at her lewd teasing, refusing to finish the punchline. “Never mind.”

“Okay?” He had a feeling he knew where that was going but chose not to pull that grenade pin. “Speaking of clothes, that brings up a question. Why aren’t our clothes falling off now?”

“Control. Anything I touch can phase like me. My clothes are touching me, so are you. I can keep it strictly to myself though with control and timing. I can also start it and end it on any spot on my body; which is why we aren’t falling through the street.”

“That sounds hard.”

“Little bit. Really flexing my semblance like a muscle right now. Still, I’ve done harder, like not breaking surface tension.”

Nick did a double take. Did he hear that right? “Surface tension? Like...for water?”

Veronica nodded. “Yeah that’s the one. Well I’m not actually walking on water. It’s more of me beginning to fall through the water with my semblance, and shutting it off quick enough to push me back up just above the surface. Took a lot of practice but I got it most of the time. Waves suck.”

“Don’t you burn through your aura quickly?”

“Well it’s like flicking a switch on and off. Also I’m quick about it; not to mention not fighting anything in the water. I’m bound to fuck up them.”

“Still sounds like an extremely large amount of work and multitasking. You got real talent. I’d get a headache.”

“Says the king of multitasking.” Veronica chuckled, “It’s less thinking and more of reaction; knowing how to feel the shifts to the things connecting you.”

Her explanation was interesting. Veronica had an understanding of her semblance to a complex level though she didn’t fight. And here was Nick, struggling with a candle exercise for a semblance that didn’t interact with physics or molecules. “A reaction huh? Maybe I should try that more often? It might help with-”

“Valerie.”

“What? No my-” His hand was squeezed a little before being brought up to point towards the Schnee gate. Nick’s eyes went wide. Valerie stood by it with her mother’s car, staring just as surprised. “Oh…” Nick said.

The three stood quietly, not prepared in the slightest. Valerie was the most shocked. She was prepared for an awkward conversation with Nick by the door. Not catching him outside in a suit; next to Veronica. Nora, who was in the car, wanted to take initiative but found her lips tucking themselves in.

“Oh boy. Maybe convincing Val to see him was a bad move on my part.” She thought. Ren was gonna have a field day whenever Nora got back home.

Done with the shock, Veronica finally spoke. “Umm I can give you two a minute, if you need it?” All the events that happened tonight made her feel very pleased. Veronica did not want to taint those moments and knew it would be for the best to remove herself from this before she said anything...emotional. She turned to Nick and smiled awkwardly. “I’ll see you inside?”

Nick could only blink while he thought about it. Veronica was a bit quicker to the draw though. “No, no, it’s...clearly you two are in the middle of something. I was just leaving anyways” Val said, a hint of irritation and even a bit of sarcasm crept into her voice. It might not have been that big of a deal but for some reason it made Nick tense up.

“This is only happening because of you.” He said instinctively, catching everyone off guard. “I don’t see how you can be upset about a thing you caused. I did invite you originally.”

“Don’t see how that has to do with anything.” Valerie lied, clearly offended. “You can do what you want.I only came here to-”

“It’s always your terms.” He interjected, grumbling a bit. “You tell me you want space and we’ll see each other at the tournament, but then show when you feel like talking. If I did that you’d be pissed.”

“Hey! I came here to try and smooth things over.”

“Yeah well maybe I don’t want things smoothed over right now? I...I have nothing to say to you right now. We’ll talk at the tournament.”

Valerie let out a subtle gasp. Her brows furrowed and she bit down on her lip harder than she meant to. “Forget it. If you wanna be made then be made. Tournament it is.” Valerie didn’t waste another breath, getting back into the car so it can drive off.”

Veronica was in disbelief. Did that really just happen? In now way did she think the conversation was going to be good, but she at least thought there was going to be one. She might’ve thought this best if it wasn’t for Nick visibly sulking next to her as he started walking her up to the manor. The solemn look on his face did nothing but make her feel bad. Not to mention a little guilty.

“Hey...I know this is a dumb question but are you okay? If I influenced that in any way during dinner, that wasn’t really...what I mean is...”

“I know, and don’t worry. That wasn’t me being caught up in my emotions. I just really want to think about all of this for at least a couple days. Besides, I made a deal with Eliza. I might not keep it if Valerie tries patching things up.”

“You’re plotting on her? That’s...wow. Now I know for sure that you’re pissed.”

Nick rubber the back of neck. “For once I think I’ll get greedy, act the way I want. Does that make sense?”

“Make sense? It’s my language. Fair warning, your best quality is that heart of yours.” She poked his chest. “Keep it safe, or I’ll be the one getting greedy by knocking the optimism back into ya.”

“Oh is that right? Haha, maybe try praying to me first, then I really know you must mean business!” He teases.

Veronica gave a playful shove. “Like I’d know how to start one? I think I’ll stick with the tough love approach.”

“Tough love huh?” Nick opened the front door. His eyes never left the girl as she walked in, seemingly content. Veronica eventually looked back at him and gave a head tilt.

She blinked, “What?”

“Nothing.” He chuckled. Nick was starting to think that just maybe, he understood Veronica’s choices and beliefs a little more than he used to. If he learned anything from tonight it was just how differently they saw the world around them. “Well I guess this is the end of our date. Didn’t go as planned but I’ll admit it, I really liked spending alone time with you.” He said, rubbing the back of his head.

Veronica couldn’t stop herself from letting out an anxious chuckle.“Hehehe, what’s with the sweet talk all of a sudden? Trying to butter me up?”

“No, just being honest with myself. A date should end as well as possible.” Nick stepped towards Veronica and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Eager to not let this moment linger, Nick swiftly left for Summer’s room to see if she was back. Without thinking about it tonight, Nick had left two girls red and speechless. One of them standing in the main hall with a smile growing wide; while the other watched the rain fall during a quiet ride home, frustrated and jaw clenched.

Nora took care to drive slowly. Getting home quickly would only mean Valerie would march to her room. Nora let out a sigh. “Whether it’s me or your father, one of us is gonna make you talk about this. So-”

“What’s there to talk about? I’m upset and he’s upset, because we want different things. So we’re taking a break. Simple as that.” Valerie leaned against the cold glass.

“And what is it exactly that you want?” Nora asked. She was given no answer. Not that she was expecting one. “I love you, but if you don’t know the answer yourself then how can you expect Nick to not upset you? Life is like any sport you play. Gotta know the rules if you wanna do well. Only way to figure that out is knowing yourself.”

“I know myself pretty well.” Valerie huffed.

“Really?” Nora dragged out. “So tell me, do you like Nick, romantically?”

“No.” She said instinctively.

If Val could see Nora’s face then she would’ve been upset that she was rolling her eyes, not believing her daughter. “Okay, but just so you know, taking a break is not what most friends say about another.”

Valerie’s eyes widened. She turned to her mother to see her focused on the road like she hadn’t said a word. Val went back to looking at the window. “Good to know.” Valerie controlled the urge to huff. Talking to Ren might’ve been less painful.

xxxx

Nick walked into Summer’s room to find it sisterless and a little cold. “Guess she’s not home yet.” He closed the door behind him as he went further in. Nick made sure to keep the light off but turned on the heater. A cold room was the last thing this night needed. His chill hadn’t kicked in all this time so Nick had no real reason to worry about Shiva, yet his nerves would feel better actually seeing Summer come home safely. Pulling up a chair to sit in may have been a bit much but he did it anyway. Overbearing or not, Shiva would never be a subject he’d take lightly. Not like he had in the past when he was younger, naive of the danger that thing had. He could his body ache at the thought of it. Pain fades and the body heals, but it also remembers. Not like he needed a reminder. Not when the memories rear their ugliness often in his dreams.

A scroll rang loudly, bringing Nick out of the dark thoughts. He reached in his pocket to see it was in fact Summer who was calling.He wasted no time answering. “Where are you? I thought you’d be back by now?”

“That didn’t sound like hello.” Summer grumbled. “Relax, I'm close by. I actually called to ask for a favor. You’re home right?”

“Yes?”

“Cool. Can you open my window?

Nick walked over to her window and opened it. In the distance he could spot his sister and Eliza outside the gate from the right side. “Done. What-”

“How’d you do that so fast? Were you already in my room!? You aren’t snooping are you!?” She yelled.

“Quiet before you get caught. No, I wasn’t snooping. Pretty sure whatever secrets this room holds is one that would scar me. Though I’m curious about your journal, wherever you hid this time. Perhap under your nightstand?”

“Do you really want to rummage around a young woman's nightstand?” Summer could hear her brother let out an overtop gagging noise. “Grow up.”

“Say it to my face. You better hurry before I decide to close this and watch you hit the glass like a pigeon.”

“Fine, ya baby.” Summer hung up. “Thanks for walking me home, as well as helping me stay dry.” She looked up to see the small dome of water floating over her from Eliza’s magic.

“Exactly what was the plan if I had said no or not shown up at all?”

“Glyphs aren’t just for platforming and dust ya know? Not that it matters. I knew I’d see you tonight.”

Eliza scoffed, “Tah! That confident in your predictions about your brother?”

“Well yes, but that’s not it. It’s not a secret you practice at the pier. It’s also terrible luck on your part you almost shot a captain with a bolt of lightning. One time.”

“W-What!? B-but how would-”

“Is it a Marigold thing to be attracted to my family like a magnet? That captain is my cousin. He says your aim could use work. Bye!” Summer made glyphs to trampoline over the gate and platform through the air and through her window.”

Eliza couldn’t believe it. Why was this her life!? It had to be a joke. Atlas or Mantle, you’re bound to be in Schnee territory. It would’ve been fine if she wasn’t practicing moves to fight one! Now she needed a new training spot. Who knows what they might now. “Damnit, now Nick’s offer is even more to my best interest!”

“Sup bro. How was your date?” The rock n’ roll twin kicked off her shoes and took the black wig off before falling backwards onto her bed.

“Well Valerie was at the front awhile ago.”

Summer sat up. “Okay, that’s not what I expected. Did I miss a fight? No wait, I’m pretty sure I’d hear Veronica scream bloody murder because there’s no way her dress would stay flaw-” her rambling was cut short when Nick suddenly sat beside her and fell on her lap. “Woah. Hey, are you still sick!?”

“No, just tired. The past week has been a little...draining. To be honest I don’t think I even have the energy to shower right now.”

“Well you probably smell better than me right now so I’m not complaining.”

“How was the rave?”

“Fun. Got Eliza to dance a little. The crowd worshipped my performance.” She chuckled.

“What did you sing?”

“Nothing special. A few Linkin Park songs; an experimental original. Oscar thought it would be a good idea to take a few of my journal entries and vent it out through music.”

“Hmm, anything you’ll share to your actual fan base, or me?”

Summer looked at her ceiling to let out a composed sigh. “I don’t think I’m quite ready, or the song for that matter. It and myself are...a work in progress. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Just know your fans think you can’t do wrong and there’s no world where I won’t support you. Family and all that.”

“Love you too.” Summer patted his head. “Sorry if I’ve been causing you trouble. Well, more than usual. Tomorrow is a new day.”

“That’s the spirit. Push yourself but not too hard. That’s my territory. Speaking of which, I’ve been racking my brain with ideas. You can talk to Shiva in that headspace whenever you like right?” He felt her hand stop. Nick looked up to see Summer look apprehensive.

“I can...but it’s not a thing I look to do. Plus tonight has been good. I really don’t want that to-”

“Summer, do you trust me?”

Nick’s words were calm and real. Summer didn’t know what he had in mind. It wasn’t like Nick to invite danger. Her eyes looked to the floor to the orange glow of her heater. Like usual it appeared that her brother had already taken strides for her and everyone’s sake. Just how far would he go, ever making herself feel like she’s at a stand still? Maybe tomorrow could start today. Just a little bit.

“What’s this idea of yours?” She said cautiously.

“Nothing too crazy. You’re just gonna take a page out of Veronica’s playbook.”

xxxxx

You would think a person would know what goes on in their head. Unfortunately, that’s hardly ever the case. Summer never got a full understanding of what went on upstairs in her mind. Then again that would only make sense. She was in therapy after all. Though no amount of emotional talking could explain why her headspace imagery was inconsistent at times. A void of nothingness, her own room, those were the usual shapes that took place. However, this time she found herself back at the frozen lake. Going back and triggering an episode must’ve left a lasting impression. At least her trauma brought variety. The only separation from the real place was the ice ceiling and a distinct lack of cold nipping at her skin. Her psyche though, it was definitely feeling something.

She began walking through the white hell of her own making until she found her target, Shiva. The being was skating across the lake like how Summer once did. “Shiva.” Summer called out.

The woman of ice and snow looked over, surprised. She stopped right in the middle of the lake. “Well, well, well, come to properly thank me? You’d be in a grimm’s stomach by now if it wasn’t for me. You and that idiot girl. Tell me, is she in pain from our encounter?”

“I’m not here to thank you or chitchat.” Summer bluntly stated. “This is an in and out thing.”

“I’ll take that as a no then? Pity. I wouldn’t mind seeing her cry and despair. I bet her tears are uglier than yours. Though I'll say that this look you have going on isn’t gross. Honestly it helps to see you better in this place. You’re always so pale when you’re talking to me. Afraid I might hurt you?” A smirk spread across her face. “Oh I do hate you so.”

“Feeling is mutual. I came here to tell you that from this point on things are gonna change.”

“Pfft, heard that before. You’re all talk.”

“Am I?” Summer reached her hand out. Right before her eyes, the shape of a shovel formed. Hiding her surprise, she focused on Shiva’s own shock. “My mind, my rules. If I can subconsciously make this hell then I can shape it to an extent. Summer tossed the shovel at Shiva for her to catch. “Keep that safe for me.” Summer’s body began to slowly fade from this space.

“And what exactly is this for?”

“Your grave. Feel free to dig it yourself.” Her final words before disappearing completely while witnessing a smug smirk vanish before her eyes. Right as she faded, Summer could hear one last remark.

“We’ll see who buries who.”

Summer opened her eyes to find herself back in her room. Good, she hadn’t moved an inch. “Well I’ve thoroughly pissed her off, but it actually felt good to be the one harassing her. Thank Ni- huh?” Summer failed to realize she’s been talking to herself. Nick was fast asleep already! “Unbelievable. What if I would’ve messed up?”

“Zzzzzz.”

“Quite the convincing answer.” Summer returned to rubbing his head. He felt a little warm but nothing serious. Taking breaks needed to be at the top of his list from now on. Only way that would happen is if things weren’t hectic. It was time to step up. “I’ll do right by you. I promise. Just...give me a little more time.”

Her eyes became heavy. It appears the day’s events weighed on her more than she realized. Both twins fell into slumber there for the entire night, finally getting some rest.