#so they know they can't assume anything
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I think it's so interesting how in 92sies when they're handing out the flyers for the children's crusade all of the newsies it shows handing them out start with "can you read?" "do you know how to read?" before giving anyone a paper whereas Sarah just hands it to people and says "take this" "read this"
#because she has a form of education and so do her brothers#so she doesn't even think to assume that these kids are completely illiterate#but the newsies have no education whatsoever#or very very little#so they know they can't assume anything#not dissing sarah btw i love her#it's just interesting#newsies#92sies#newsies 1992
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Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 5: Flip Slip.
(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 4.5)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mdzs au#Yungmang Jiang Training Arc AU#lan wangji#wei wuxian#digital art#Trying out some digital techniques to see if I can get closer to feel/style of my traditional comics.#So far the biggest difference is *colouring* Digital colouring feels...not good. I have complained about this before and I'll complain agai#Before we get into the sad stuff with Yungmeng Jiang in the PD-MDZS comics lets have some lighthearted fun!#Remember that if anything bad happens to these Jiang disciples in the canon comic - they are happy in this AU B'*)#I think one of the funniest things about the teenxian dynamic is how WWX accidently finds things that get LWJ to feel flustered.#My guy wwx goes 'I'm going to lightly bully/tease this nerd 'cause his reactions are funny.' and LWJ goes “My god. He's everything to me.”#Part two of the fun part of this dynamic is that LWJ is ever so lightly self aware enough to LOATHE THIS CRUSH.#Hence why I have been marinating on this 'Accidental Lan headband miscommunication' concept.#This is how LWJ assumes that WWX knows what the band means in this AU. This will be relevant later.#And YES! I am still going to be making comics for this AU. I have so many ideas I simply can't hold onto forever.
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space sweepers but they're delivery people and are at no point on screen through the entire movie
#fantasy high#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#gorgug thistlespring#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#figueroth faeth#the bad kids#half tempted to say these names are forum handles they use so much it pretty much became their professional names lol#I keep them teenagers bc its funnier that way#no real lore I just like drawing this. but I do think abt how theyre all weirdos too also bc thats funny to me#riz is a huge conspiracyhead who does everything by hands. he has a casio fx-570 in mint condition. nobody knows how he's maintaining it#he is nonetheless Really Good at his job. which somewhat tracks bc it's a job that requires keeping up with interstation conflicts#and new policies and an obsessive amount of planning. but he is Too Good at it. and also he dresses like that#kristen has the atomic engine that theoretically lets her unmake and remake matters with her mind. but it consumes a huge amount#of energy so it's mostly useless. she's still a cult survivor also#gorgug lives his entire life on a ship with his parents who quit a cushy deal maintaining a space station bc he wouldn't be allowed on#the low gravity let him grow very tall but also his oxygen saturation is pretty bad so he's got breathing support#fig is a robot who just found out she's a robot like two months ago. she's been assuming everyone's a robot like her and she's been feeling#very betrayed by her mom lying about that part. she's on a body mod spree which is rough bc system-specific parts are expensive#and so is adapting random parts to her system#fabian's still a pirate captain's son. can't say anything that'd be able to get the vibes across clearer than that#adaine went to tech/business school. she put her monthly allowance towards an ecoterrorist group in her academy which turned out to be an o#and she's currently wanted by UTS. more than fabian. which makes him slightly mad#she's also acquired a passion for low-tech weaponry on the way. she likes ice picks and cleavers#I think up all of this for no reason except that once again the idea of all these people being 1/teens and 2/on the same ship to be posties#is hilarious to me. esp. if they were in a forum group chat beforehand
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)
[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."
Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”
Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.
At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.
"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.
Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”
Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."
In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]
Credits for ID here and here
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because#it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has#given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably#since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc#of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:)#in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun#but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots#he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at#the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is.#mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax#but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe#the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww#u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww#ruporas art
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Does anyone else hc that Nightmare can like, absorb his tentacles back into his body sometimes? Like the way Stitch does with his extra arms?
#UTDR#UTMV#Nightmare Sans#I just realised earlier I've been just kinda assuming this as fact and I don't know where it came from#cause I don't think it's canon and I can't think of seeing it anywhere else#So maybe it's just me idk#Anyway it's something I wanted to be more prevalent when I was doing the truce au comic (which if I ever work on again I'll probably restar#cause I didn't really know what I was doing and there's stuff I wanna amend)#But the idea was that at the start of their attempted truce the tentacles made Dream uncomfortable#(Not only because Nightmare often used them against him in battle but also it's something different about his brother from his#childhood memories and it was jarring to see his one constant be changed)#He didn't say anything about it but obviously Nightmare could feel it#So whenever Dream was around I would make a point of drawing him with the tentacles sucked in#It was his little unspoken effort to make the truce work. because he wanted it very badly but would rather die than admit it#(or try to figure out why)#But over the course of the truce Dream would notice and start encouraging him to have them out and be himself#Showing Nightmare a little acceptence because despite the differences that's still his brother#You ever write six times more in the tags than the actual post lol#These are the DVD extras of the post you have to go looking for these#Director's commentary of my silly little thoughts :3#Anyway thoughts?
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Pin and Anin : We need to be discreet in order not to get caught !
Also Pin and Anin : [wear wedding rings] [wear matching hair pins] [look at each other lovingly 24/7] [almost kiss in public everyday] [include over four persons in the secret] [go on dates and room together whenever given the opportunity]
Like...HAVE WE FORGOTTEN THIS IS THE SIXTIES ?
#I mean at least I think it's the sixties#It was the fifties when they were children#That's my assumption but I don't know anything about fashion#so I can't guess#but that's what I assume#ANYWAY MAYBE SOME SERIOUSNESS PEOPLE ?#SOME DECORUM#the loyal pin#the loyal pin ep 11#anin#pin#anin x pin#aninpin
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RealAgeAU - Reunion
Fun fact. I was planning on going through these drabbles to see where I still had a bit of a blank spot timeline and story wise. and I did NOT get far.
Because I realised. I never made a tiny drabble about how I pictured the guys reuniting to go back to Nightmare!
So. That is this! (also yes i am hinting at bad sans poly but we will see where that all ends)
First and Prev Drabble (with the original prompt by @spotaus ) Next Drabble
*-----------------*
Cross frowns as the knife once again can't cut through the universe.
This... is an issue.
Cross had managed to get close but for some reason the knife could not connect with Nightmare's universe and castle.
Had... had Nightmare banned him?
Cross hopes not. He knows he had been stupid for running away but he had just! He needed! He had just needed a moment for himself!
Cross tries to take a deep breath and relax. It is fine! Think! Think there is probably another reason!
NIghtmare had been shrinking and losing his form... maybe he is just tired and resting and that affects the universe he is in? Maybe?
Cross wishes Dust was here, Dust knows so much more about magic stuff than he does. Sadly Cross was an idiot and just went out on his own without saying goodbye.
He looks at his phone and opens the message screen again. He clicks Dust's contact and considers typing a message.
Just a quick one to ask for help getting back?
He sighs and puts the phone away. No. This is his mess up and he can fix it himself! He didn't need them or Nightmare to fix his messes!
Again...
Cross shakes his skull and looks to the notes in his phone. He finds the right one. It is a small list of items that should help connect him to Nightmare's universe.
When he first started working for Nightmare the god had told him that the castle and the universe it is in can be hard to find or connect to because of his magic. The items would help the magic in his knife, or the teleportation crystals, locate it and focus on it.
Cross pulls out the list and reads it again.
seven candles, unscented
autumn leaves
a very sweet apple
a dreamcatcher
a way to light a magical fire
be in an universe as close as possible
Cross checks his list and bag and groans. He had only managed to get the apple and the leaves so far. this stupid universe only had a few very small and old towns and it is honestly getting on his nerves!
Cross had just been nervous about leaving this universe. He didn't know this one and just because he managed to jump to it didn't mean he would be able to do it again.
The phones had an extra feature to make it known to them if they were near the castle. it had lit up at this spot after quite a few universes that didn't do it.
Meaning he was not leaving it!
Agh. he could ask if Horror is having more luck and-
WAIT!
Cross looks back over his shoulder and sees Horror walk past.
Cross doesnt think and rushes after the large skeleton "Horror! wait up!"
horror blinks and looks over "Oreo?"
Cross pulls a face at the nickname but catches up to him "What are you doing here?"
Horror looks slightly sheepish as he rubs his neck "You know... regret... trying to get back..."
Cross frowns "Get back- wait... did you leave as well?!"
Horror frowns at him "As well?" then his sight finds Cross' bag and cross can see Horror take note of the items in there. Horror looks back at him with a frown "You can't make the jump either?"
Cross feels both better and worse. Maybe he isn't banned! Or at least he isn't alone in being banned! which just makes him feel like a jerk. He nods and groans "not having much luck with getting the things i need. only got the apple and the leaves..."
Horror blinks but gets a small half grin on his face which Cross thinks should be criminal with how goo- OKAY he is stopping that line of thought.
Horror calmly gets his phone and turns it to enable Cross to see the items in his inventory. a lot of foods and- oh! a sweet apple. and unscneted candles!
Horror keeps grinning "Seems like we are getting close."
Cross grins and nods as he walks with the taller skeleton "Any idea why we can't get in?"
Horror shrugs "multiple options. dunno which."
Cross nods as he looks down "Yeah i figured."
They walk and search together before a loud gasp and Cross is suddenly tackled form behind. Cross yelps as he loses his balance. The only reason he doens't fall over is because Hroror manages to catch both him and whichever idiot rushed into him.
"Criss-Cross! H!"
Ah. nevermind. Cross knows that idiot. Cross glares over his shoulder at the grinning Killer "Why would you tackle me?!"
Killer grins but the grin turns sharper then just friendly "Had to make sure you guys didn't up and leave again without a single fucking word Criss-Cross!"
Cross winces and looks to the side "Yeah... I guess..."
Horror looks guilty as well before looking at Killer "Why are you here? instead of at the castle?"
Now it is Killer's turn to look away and he shrugs "After all of you guys left I figured i would try it myself. the whole solo-rouge-vagabond dealio. I didn't like it. So I am going back ot Nightmare and see if he needs a right hand still...." more thoughtful "or maybe babysitter? If that whole shrinking thing kept up."
Yeah and that line causes more guilt than before. because they really just all left Nightmare alone to deal with whatever was affecting him. Instead of at least offering help as they should have as his henchman and teammates. Nope! instead they all just left!
Cross rubs his arm "Yeah... we are on our way back too... You got stuff for the ritual?"
Killer sighs "Only the lighter. But that is because i already had one."
Horror frowns at Killer "All of us? Dust too?"
Killer nods "Just walked away. not a word or grabbed anything as far as i know."
Cross covers his face "We are the worst. terrible people." thankless, untrustworthy, unloyal. Cross can think of quite a few more words to describe them.
"We knew that already."
Cross, and Killer for that matter, curses as he jumps back. Only to see Dust standing by them, hood up but face visible with his bored expression.
Killer is by now standing behind Horror and glares at Dust "Don't do that! My soul is already fragile!" the soul shaped floating soul wiggles but stays steady.
Dust raises a brow and looks unimpressed "Don't talk about others then."
Horror chuckles and smiles "Good to see you dust. join us?"
Dust nods "Can't make the jump. what are we mission still?"
Cross takes out the list and after comparing what they have they realise they are only mission the dremacatcher, which Dust pulls out of his pocket.
Cross gasps "Where did you find that? I checked every store!"
Dust shrugs "stole it."
... right. that is also an option.
They take the items outside of town and get it ready.
The dreamcatcher as base with the candles all around it. The leaves used to wrap the apple, the only use one and Horror eats the others as they work.
Killer holds up the lighter and after focusing for a moment flicks it. instead of the normal yellow flame a bright pink flame appears. Killer lights all the candles adn waits for a moment until the smoke circles one another. Last Killer lights the leaves enclosing the apple without disturbing the smoke trails.
The new smoke trail joins the other seven and the whole pile bursts into flames but no heat comes off it. the flame remains pink for a moment before turning purple and then turning black.
Killer grins and looks at Cross "cut away!"
Cross nods and cuts right above the flame and the universe shimmers. The smoke finds the small slice and fills it, moments later the flame and fire travels up towards the slide using the smoke and it opens a black portal, still smoking.
They rush through it and manage to get through it before the portal burns up.
Cross looks over his shoulder "And there shouldn't be anything left?"
Dsut shrugs "small pile of ash."
Killer grins "it burns up very quickly as soon as a portal is established."
Cross frowns as he looks around. they are in the late autumn forest around the castle. He can see the shadow of it in the distance. He starts walking and the other three join him.
Cross huffs "Still think it is a deceptively easy list..."
Killer shrugs "People don't expect there to be an easy way. Not like they will just test things until they hit jackpot." Then Killer grins wider "Not that anyone knows about Ngihtmare's sweet tooth. and no one knows about the apple, hell we don't even know it."
Cross nods as they walk through the forest. Cross can't help but feel like it feels... empty. Whcih is weird because Cross always knew there was nothing else in this universe or forest but them. but still it feels...different.
Horror seems to notice too as he glances around "feels weird..."
Dust nods immediantly "magic is different."
Cross nods as well "I noticed too..."
Whatever is going on it is big... because either it is affecting the universe, it is affecting nightmare enough that it affects the universe. or Nightmare is affected enough that he made these edits.
Hopefully they can clear all this up once they see Nightmare and apologise to him. The exit the forest and spot the castle in the distance.
Time to go talk wiht him.
*-----------------*
First and Prev Drabble Next Drabble
And as we all know, Nightmare wasn't there. woops. turns out that apology will have to wait a bit Cross.
And the tiniest bit of Bi-panic for Cross (I believe he canonly is Bi in like Xtale so he is still Bi here) ((And yes I am slightly hinting at BSP because I like them but They are kinda too busy to really focus on that in these drabbles but there some interest! but it can also be seen as pureply platonic with just some curious interest honestly *shrug* It is june after all!))
#utmv#realageau#bad sanses#Cross Sans#horror Sans#Dust Sans#Killer Sans#Deaged Nightmare mentioned#Can't believe i wrote a drabble without the baby in it#it is criminal#Also i can't believe i was planning on going by the drabbles for a spot#And i found it after the FIRST ONE#What is this comedic timing?#I really like Cross#he is an anxious bean who is just really trying his best#He deserves the world!#or three boyfriends. Cross has a preference but he will die before admitting it out loud#Someone: How do you deal wiht a crush?#cross: oh easy! I never say a word and when they eventually get ina relationship i cry :)#someone: ... what about confessing?#cross: oh no! That is terrible! So much could go wrong!#someone: what is the worst that could happen?#Cross: they could HEAR me.#Silliness aside. Do any of you mind the hints of Bad Sans Poly between those four in there? I think it is cute but like#Want to know what people think. Gonna be real if you still like it without saying anything i am going to assume you guys are fine with it#anyway that is the update for now! Now to continue my search for spots to fill in the drabbles more
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You know .. I don't know why people only limit their option/thinking to "is Yorishima the grandpa or not?" and start rethinking everything from that angle only ..
Not to say this idea is wrong or right more like ... I find it kinda funny that people don't see Yorishima as anything but that .. that that his only purpose in the story either to serve as "fake grandpa" or "be the real grandpa" and see no other purpose or different role to him which's amusing in a way ..
It's like being blinded either directly or indirectly to other ideas which might be the real goal by Midorikawa-sensei, until she come and say that his role is actually different <3
Is him knowing Reiko for sure/weird familiarity between him and Natsume only serve the point of "fake/real grandpa" .. is that the only role and option opens to him story-wise ?
Some might say that then if not that one then what other options/ideas for him story-wise ?
I can't be the only one considering other ideas/theories about him related to Reiko aside from the grandpa one, right ?!
Like for example ...
him being the brother of the real grandpa so he's Natsume's uncle
him being Reiko's killer
him being a firsthand witness to the story of Reiko and her husband even how she died and by who thus hated the exorcist world and distanced himself ever since
him being the one who took care of Reiko's daughter/Natsume's mother after Reiko's death till she married and protect/hide her till then
as for what I believe personally, well, let's say so far for me he's not the grandpa for sure so I'm looking at things from that angle. so, I do consider all those options even tho I lean to a certain one maybe but can't say for sure yet ...
I'm only saying that Midorikawa-sensei has many options for him story-wise than what people actually assumed the first time and locked him down to only that to consider what else might be there for him.
there might also be an option I hadn't considered yet for all we know so far <3
#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#natsume reiko#Yorishima#I feel like .. if we look at Reiko's story and hints be it for her husband or overall .. you'll see many ideas#even tho I don't even know what other people think of Reiko's story or assume it is ..#since all might have different ideas then work other ideas from there#because I admit because of my own Reiko's theory I do look at things from that angle sometimes since so far nothing denies it#maybe that's why my reaction to Yorishima is kinda different#that I believe not once I assumed he might be the grandpa#knowing Midorikawa ... we can't trust anything at all till the last moment ...#Yorishima serve another purpose to the full Reiko's life reveal ..#he's another piece another hint another foreshadow serving a bigger picture ...#now the only last missing piece .. is the grandpa himself then everything will unfold mostly ..#and the reveal is closer to us like no other time .. will it be from Yorishima's mouth himself or be it from someone else ?#now we just wait and see ...#me start rambling again ><
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I fear that Alfons's route will be just as emotionally taxing as Elbert's and I'll miss using my tickets in time just like I did in Elbert's route because my brain's had enough emotions and miss finishing the mission board again
#hoping the sylvatica specialist sees this and lets me know how much I should prepare emotionally#rambling and cw for mentioning the fictional SA in the tags#like... dark content rarely bugs me. I consume it all the time#But Elbert's route effected me a lot more than I thought it would and I don't think anything's ever made me feel like that#to the point I can't really put it into words#just because of the subject matter (the servants) and how very well it and his discomfort was portrayed#And I did see the content warnings for Elbert's route from fans. I had a strong idea of what his backstory was like and I was right#and it still hit me harder than any fictional media I've consumed#I just want to know if I should expect something worse or on the same level or not as bad#because some details I've noticed are making me worried#specifically in Between Two Villains when Elbert said Alfons was assisting the doctor and we already know what the doctor was willing to do#and I don't think Elbert is the type of person to come up with a cover story#ever since Elbert's route I tend to assume the worst possibility for a backstory/trauma#so yeah I really want to be able to finish the route panel mission this time#but I don't know how much to emotionally prepare or how to emotionally prepare#ikevil#ikemen villains#ikevil alfons#alfons sylvatica#elbert greetia#ikevil elbert
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"are people not into that?" i ask, after posting my weird niche shit to the internet, despite knowing it to be weird niche shit.
#jsyk sylkius or anything adjacent to it does not “Do Numbers” in any way and i observed this some time ago#i assume that's the “rival ships” element at work but who knows really#that sort of thing is like femslash in that everyone approves of it but nobody actually reads or writes it#but who would have thought sylvie beating loki with a stick would not bring in droves of readers???! shocking twist there!#& i don't consider sifki a rarepair but my rarepair standards are VERY strict like if there's >5 fics a pairing is basically mainstream#chasing popularity would annoy me though & i just don't have the mental spoons to try writing stuff i wouldn't personally read#yeah i *could* put my blorbos to work in a coffee shop but what cost to my own enjoyment levels? AT WHAT COST FANGELA???#you can't please everyone so you may as well just please yourself and if anyone else likes it you've found some fellow freaks so yay#i don't mean please yourself in a wanking sense. though feel free to do that too it probably counts as a cardio workout idk.#BUT ANYWAY#fic related#ps i am v glad there's the “warning: loki” tag because i think/hope it acts as a filter for 'he did nothing wrong in his life ever' types#who are Valid & etc obviously but i write my morally grey characters to be morally grey and the tag might help avoid conflict#though tbh i write almost every character to be morally grey in some way so i can't claim to have left my comfort zone here#(i'm not joking when i say the 1987-89 run of Dr Who shaped my entire future fannish life from a young and apparently v impressionable age)
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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being very truthful i wasn't feeling particularly positive about the trailer for TIT (still bought tix though hi nyc <3) and am holding out hope they do a little more teasing for what this tour is actually about in future videos,
but i cannot deny that this specific frame of it
("we basically raised half of them." - phil)
like very specifically got me? like obviously yes the bit is like, they're our dads i started watching them age twelve et cetera but. i don't know. with the way all of this is laid out, the contrasting colors that blend together and the silhouettes on their respective sides (as we always view them, dan to the left & phil to the right) and the screens, it says so loudly like... it's dan and phil, side by side. it's the two of them. it's been them for the last fifteen years.
it's a we, it's a testament that this kinda sacred thing of 'dan and phil' has lasted a really long time, and survived a hiatus, solely because dan and phil themselves have known each other and existed alongside each other for those fifteen years. and yes, obviously, this trailer is all scripted, but this exchange still has this feeling of it being about them, not just their brand together-- they aren't really talking to the audience, here, are they? it wasn't solely 'dan and phil' content that raised the audience; dan and phil did. (maybe a redundant point, but i am working off of the negative space here. a lot of this feels like intertwining themselves with their online personas, and simultaneously walking that line. letting us see only what they want to be shown, and now examining that introspectively).
i hope that makes sense, i'm not much of an analyst or theorist. i don't know what the dan and phil renaissance really is yet, and i am a bit afraid of it all, but i'm really excited, both for everything that's to come but also -- more importantly -- i'm just fucking excited for them.
for this bond between them and the phandom to blossom in the healthy ways it has been lately, for the opening of new doors amidst this phan renaissance... and for them to take back what the internet took from them.
#astra.txt#dan and phil#TIT tour#is this nonsense? sorry. i'm a little anxious right now so i'm writing my way through it#obviously okay to rb btw!! everything is unless you physically can't thanks to the helpful settings#also part of my crit mentioned at the beginning might honestly be due to the stressful experience of trying to get tickets-#-and then them dropping a like. non descriptive teaser. just kind of personally unsettled me#not that i particularly think they owe us anything like i made a conscious decision lol. do not take this as me Blaming Them-#-For Me Buying Tickets that's ridiculous. it's just a note.#also i don't really know how to phrase this in the post but i am not trying to overstep into assuming i know them as people etc.#like yeah we do only see what they want us to see. but that's kind of what this is about isn't it? a little bit? maybe.
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you know as a neurodivergent person I only have two fucking requests of anyone I consider a friend: 1) do not cold shoulder or get aggressively angry with me for something you didn't bother to communicate you had a problem with and 2) do not fucking infantalize me and treat me like a naive fragile broken child who is a burden on everyone in my life. shouldn't be too hard right??? insane how many neurotypicals are fucking incapable of doing the bare fucking minimum
#literally the only prerequisites i have for someone to be my friend#like if I love you legitimately everything else is a non issue. it doesn't even occur to me to get mad#and it's not even in a “sigh i will look past this for you” way. genuinely there's very little you can do to bother me if you're my friend#ill just assume you had good intentions#because i trust that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me if you're my friend so getting angry is pointless#but i genuinely don't know how to handle it when people i care about get mad at me. it scares the shit out of me#ugh i can't explain what i mean#but god some people really just don't give a shit once they dont need me anymore huh#it's the way they go out of their way to make me feel like a helpless 13 year old who can't do anything right again#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#i swear if you manage to lose ME as a friend 9 times out of 10 there's smth seriously wrong with you#because i virtually have no standards and will put up with everything#and am the person who cares too much in almost every relationship in my life
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The "I'd kill for you. please tell me to kill for you" meme is all well and good but imagine Childe's delight when this is not him but his loved one.
#I know how some people hc him as yandere#and I'm surprised by it#he's avoidant if anything#also he obviously isn't a fan of killing people#but he would 100% appreciate a yandere SO#you can't say he wouldn't#(he'd be oblivious about the whole yandere thing and would just assume they are playing/flirting ofc)#(peak dynamic)#(imagine him with a yandere lumine)#(this is my new favourite ooc ship)#childe#tartaglia#chilumi#giggling kicking my feet etc#also so many people are mean to him#lumine would have to go on quite the murdering spree#and also look#it's a love language#the love language people use to express themselves is often the same they are the most receptive to
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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