#so they assume it must be harmful because it just doesn't make sense or feel right

[naamahdarling]

I am not to my knowledge autistic, but I'm ADHD and a lot of me is in the middle of the Venn diagram. I remember sorting toys or objects into various orders and arrangements, classifying and reclassifying them, trying to find the best way to do things so that one item flowed logically into the next. I would do this for hours with just about anything, including a jar full of spare change. Buttons were AMAZING! I remember often taking an interesting object from one of my dad's glass-front bookshelves and handling it for long periods just enjoying the colors and textures and taking in everything about it, imagining scenarios about or within it (a carved ivory puzzle ball was a favorite, and a small carved landscape in a glass case), making up how it might be magical and what its properties might be. I would much prefer doing this than playing with others, and generally occupied myself on the playground by looking for lucky clovers or making flower chains or finding interesting bits of gravel or glass scattered about the ground because that was all that was available for me to play with that the other children wouldn't try to take or teachers wouldn't try to force me to use with other children.

This is a very neurodivergent kind of play. I very much share this with autistic folks. I can say, from within, iot is just as active and just as imaginative and just as appropriate as "normal" play. And it really pisses me off that these parents and "professionals" pathologize this mode of play as less advanced or whatever. Sorry not sorry but they could not even BEGIN to understand the nuances of bottle caps. They find bread clips boring!!!

Here's how this sort of thing always comes across to me, filtered through the lens of what I like.

"So the other kids can play house, a simple mimicry of the stuff they see everyday, or play dollies, reenacting things they have seen a hundred times. Yeah, they make up stories, but they insist on physically acting them out and vocalizing continually, and they often need help from peers to fully achieve an appropriate level of imagination. They can't keep it self-contained. That's really not very introspective, and it isn't developmentally normal to be so far behind their neurodivergent peers, many of whom are able to do these things without assistance. What can we really say about these neurotypical kids who haven't developed an intimate relationship with a plain wooden sphere or figured out how their little bowl of rocks relate to each other or discovered the optimal arrangement of their Lego bricks? If they can't spend even half an afternoon making domino art, how emotionally and imaginatively advanced are they, really? How involved with the world can they really be? Maybe we should punish them for not being able to sit still and stare at a glass fishing weight for two hours, or sort a bag of mixed beads without fidgeting and kicking their feet. Surely that would not harm them in any way, make them sick, give them trauma, or torture them."

See how fucking senseless that sounds?

I am not autistic but man do I have all y'all's backs, and all the kids' backs, on this because I fucking FELT IT. Every damn day. PLEASE just let me make a gradient from leaves and stop making me run around pointlessly after a ball with unpleasant topography.

[missadangel]

The Heart of Rome (Marcus Acacius x OC)

All Chapters List

XI. The Accusation (+18, Mature)

gif --- ayo-edebiri

“Ad astra per aspera”

To the stars though difficulties…

Villa…

"I need you to help me to kill Caracalla.”

You stared at Julia's face in astonishment, trying to make sense of what you just heard. Her dark brown eyes were serious, but you noticed something in her expression that you couldn't identify – it was somewhere between fear and unease.

"You came to my house to ask me to help you kill your son? Is that correct?”

“He is no longer my son. Macrinus has made him a mere plaything. He pretty much does whatever he wants. He had his relatives killed, without any hesitation. I can't let him kill Geta too. It's only a matter of time. I can't lose Geta.” She sounded upset when she mentioned him. "I lost everything to Macrinus. First he took my son, then my reputation. My own son won't listen to me, he sent me into exile, which is unacceptable." Her tearful voice suddenly turned serious. "I have no one left to go to but you which Acacius had a hand in this, of course.”

‘What are you sa-?’

"He wiped out my men in Legates. They were my last remaining stronghold. I did everything I could to keep them on my side for all those years. Did he tell you how he killed them? I'm sure he didn't, so as not to startle you."

You took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. "My husband doesn't hide anything from me. But even if he did, I'm sure he has his own reasons." You said confidently.

"Sure he has!" she said sarcastically.

She was testing the limits of your patience. "Cease talking nonsense about my husband!" You barked. "Simply say whatever you came to say then take your leave.”

"Fair enough.” She crossed her legs. “Caracalla must die before Macrinus returns to Rome. Before he appoint him as Praetorian prefect (commander of the Imperial Guard)." She took a deep breath. "I'm sure of that he will take action against my sons once he assumes command of the guards. This could potentially lead to him ascending the throne. However, if Caracalla dies, it might weaken Macrinus' position. It would be more feasible to defeat him when Geta is emperor.”

"And you needn't worry about being hidden away in the shadows, as it seems unlikely that Geta will exile you like his brother did? It sounds like you're saving yourself.” She averted her eyes which meant you were right. "But why do you need my help exactly?"

"I believe you care about Geta, don't you? He also cares for you in some way. Perhaps more than you realise.”

“There’s nothing—“

You were about to protest, but she silenced you by raising her hand. “I am his mother, so I know him well and I know you don't wish him dead too. Besides, it would be better for everyone if he rules Rome alone. So Caracalla must die as soon as possible before harms him. You're a medicus, aren't you? You could make a concoction of herbs that will kill him painlessly.”

Her words were sharp, but her gaze was unwavering, declaring that this was the path she had to take. But it was still strange that she said it so easily. It felt wrong.

"I wouldn't have come to you if I didn't have to. It's only a matter of time before he finds out, accuse me of betrayal, and send me back. This is our sole opportunity before Macrinus's return."

‘Our? There is no ‘our’, there is no we. Furthermore, it is not a decision that can be made alone. You present this as an easy solution, but I am a married woman and my husband is a Roman general. What will happen to my husband if your plan fails? Have you ever considered this?”

She rolled her eyes. “Isn't that why you should help me? Once he's dealt with my sons, Macrinus' next target is General Acacius. To get you.” You knew exactly what she meant and she realized that. "I imagine your husband feels very regretful about not taking Macrinus out that night. Because I know he won't let him get away with it.”

You swallowed hard, hating to admit that she was right. Julia smiled, seeming amused by your expression. "Oh, poor Aurelia. It must be tough to be caught between three men. Yet you are fortunate. Even if you were to become a widow one day, there'd be another man waiting for you. Since you're a Roman princess, you're worth a great deal.”

That was the last straw. You felt a rush of anger and stood up abruptly. “Get out of my house now! Leave!” You barked, pointing your finger at the courtyard door. Julia stood up, looking insolent.

“If you truly care about Geta, think about what I said.”

“I said leave!” You shouted, then pointing your finger at her. “I'm warning you, don't you ever speak ill of my husband and don't come to my house again!”

Some of the slaves rushed towards you.

“Domina!”

“Escort Lady Domna outside.” You said sharply.

Julia gave you a stern look and turned away. She raised her hand to stop the slave who was approaching her. Then she left the courtyard. You were still pretty angry and tired, which made your head spin even more. Decima put her arm around you and made you sit on the lectus (couch). She grabbed your feet and gently lifted them, helping you lie down. Norell and Tullia were keeping an eye on you from a distance, looking a bit worried. You looked them with a half smile and told them to get on with their work. You leaned your head back and closed your eyes. Decima took your hand.

"Would you like me to make you some dittany tea (cretan thyme)?" It was an herb that was usually used for relaxation. Decima was from Egypt, so she was familiar with herbal teas. Well, not as familiar as you are, of course.

You looked at her. "Not that, not if I'm..." you said quietly.

"Oh, you're right. Chamomile then?”

"Yes, that's better. Thank you my dear.”

After drinking your chamomile tea, you fell asleep in the courtyard. The slaves were mindful of your need for rest and made every effort to avoid disturbing you. Those who walked towards the courtyard did so as quietly as they could. Then Mau appeared and jumped next to you. However, you were so deeply asleep that you were unaware that she had fallen asleep on your lap. You were suddenly awakened by the sound of a sword being unsheathed and a man shouting. Mau meowed loudly, jumped out of your lap in fright and sought refuge elsewhere.

Seeing Octavius holding his sword to a man's throat who you had never seen before. Opened your eyes in surprise.

“Sir! Have mercy please!” He begged. You noticed some parchment papers and a reed pen in his hand.

You sat up on the couch. “Octavius, what is happening here?”

"My lady, this rat was attempting to draw your likeness without your permission."

You were taken aback. "Can you clarify what you mean by that?”

Decima turned to you. "This man came for the General, but we informed him that he was not present. I then assumed that he had departed. Forgive me, my lady.”

Your eyesbrows rose. “You came to draw my husband?”

The man swallowed. Octavius shook him. “Lady Aurelia asked you a question. Speak, thief!”

You warned him, “Octavius, please put that sword away and allow the man to speak.”

He obeyed. The man stood up ad bowed. “Yes, my lady. Aventine cloth dyers association are paying me to do a mural of General Acacius and the tiger he fought in the arena, my lady.”

“Explain yourself. Why would they do that?” Octavius barked.

“He’s famous, sir, the city, all the Roman citizens likes him. He’s a hero.”

You smiled, and he was indeed a hero to you. You picked up the fallen scrolls and took a moment to examine them. He had painted you so well, even the mau in your lap, which you found quite remarkable.

"But you drew me, his wife," you murmured.

"My lady, allow me to beat this insolent rat to death," Octavius hissed. The man shuddered with fear.

"Please, sir. Leave him alone," you said, a little harshly.

"My lady, forgive me. You were so beautiful when you slept that I was overcome with admiration and wanted to draw your likeness.”

You felt your cheeks flush involuntarily.

“How dare you!” Octavius roared.

“Calm yourself, sir.” You gave Octavius a warning look. You stood up and approached the man. “Please rise.”

The man stood up looking a little ashamed.

“I'll tell my husband you came by. You are well talented, I liked your drawing,” you said, showing him the parchment. “May I keep this?”

He looked at you and gave you a big, warm smile. "It's already yours, my lady. I'm really pleased you think so.

You glanced at Octavius, who seemed to be losing patience. Then you looked at the man. “You may yet leave now.”

The man bowed his head and gave you a shy look, then turned and walked out of the courtyard. Octavius accompanied him outside. You and Decima studied the painting the artist had created. She then enquired as to whether she might bring you something to eat, and with your approval, she departed. It would seem that Mau was hungry when she returned to you, as she rubbed her tail against your leg. She meowed loudly when she saw Norell approaching you a moment later with a tray in her hands.

"Where's Decima? I thought she was supposed to bring the food.

You noticed that Norell's cheeks flushed. "Well, my lady, she had some more work to do in the kitchen."

"Is she all right?"

She nodded, but her freckled cheeks were still red. You grabbed her wrist as her furtive look and tone of voice made you wonder what she was hiding. "Tell me, what's going on?"

"Um, Decima. She took food to Sir Octavius." She averted her eyes from you and smiled in a way that seemed a little evasive. You blinked in surprise and then laughed.

“Oh, well, well,” you said, amused. “When these two have become so close?"

Norell chuckled. "It has been a while now. She often speaks of him."

You giggled. "Where might they be now?"

She turned her head towards the courtyard. “Over there.”

"Perhaps we could go and take a quick look at them," you suggested, with a hint of mischief in your voice.

Norell let out a soft laugh and followed you behind. The slave at the door was about to speak to you but you silenced him by putting your index finger to your lips.

You and Norell peered out of the door, observed Octavius and Decima by the stables, talking, smiling at each other. The slave at the door looked at them from behind you and grinned too.

As you watched them from a distance you recognized a familiar feeling in the way they looked at each other, love.

"My dear Decima," you murmured, sharing her happiness.

Norell sighed deeply. "I hope that one day I will be in love too.”

You heard the other slave sigh and you both looked at him with surprise. He bowed his head shyly.

“Domina? My lady?”

All three of you were startled by Tullia's loud voice. Decima had heard it too, and when she turned her head towards you three. You blushed and hurried inside.

“Tullia! Why are you shouting?” you snapped.

“Oh, forgive me. I thought…”

You and Norell had laughed loudly running towards the other courtyard. Tullia was looking at you, a bit confused. Decima came into the courtyard and made her way towards your voices.

“My lady?” She then looked at Norell in a rather angry way.

“I didn't say anything,” she said, holding up her hands.

"Come now, why are you keeping this from me?" you smiled at her.

Decima blushed.

“You're already sooo obvious.” Norell said smugly.

“What did you say?” Decima frowned and approached her and Norell turned around to run away. They ran into the courtyard and you followed. Decima cupped water from the fountain and threw it at her. Norell also did the same. They began to soak each other, laughing together. Norell ran towards you, intending to hide, but as Decima attempted to throw water at her again, the water hit you in the face, and you flinched when you felt the cold water on your skin.

“Gods!” Tulla cried out. She ran towards you. “My lady, are you alright? Look what you've done! Cease this nonsense now!” She yelled at them.

Mau had also got her share of a soaking, licking herself like mad to dry.  Decima and Norell were looking at you with guilty looks on their faces. But you, far from being angry, approached them with a serious expression and cupped the water from the fountain and threw in their faces. And a fun game began between the three of you. Tullia's grunts mixed with your laughter and echoed throughout the courtyard.

By the time the general arrived, you were still engaged in your game. Octavius was observing you at the door, perhaps not fully aware of his surroundings.  Marcus heard the loud, cheerful laughter and dismounted, heading for the courtyard with curiosity. He looked where Octavius was looking and was struck by the difference between this view and the one he saw every time he returned home. It was unlike anything he had ever seen before. He was at a loss as to how to react. He smiled as he recognized your cheerful laughter. Then he looked at Octavius, who looked like he was stunned.

“What are you looking at?” he yelled.

Octavius startled with his loud voice. “Sir!”

“You may leave Octavius,” he grumbled. How dare he watch my wife? he thought. Well actually he was watching someone else but still.

You all froze when you noticed him. Decima and Norell bowed to him and made their way away from the situation as quickly as they could.

“I'll get you some dry clothes, my lady,” Tullia said and ran out of the courtyard.

How great. They all left you alone with Marcus. He regarded you with interest as he approached. The stone floor was quite wet, as were your dress. You bit your lip, uncertain of his reaction. Fortunately, a smile soon appeared on his face, and you breathed a sigh of relief.

"I must apologise for not realising your arrival."

"No need to apologise, my love. There is nothing quite like coming home and hearing your cheerful laugh, which is music to my ears."

You had a sudden sneeze. It wasn't the most romantic answer. Marcus chuckled. “My Lady. You’re all soaked."

Before long, Tullia appeared with a clean dress and the cotton cloth to drying yourself. "If I may, my lady-“

“Give that to me.” Marcus kindly took the cloth from her hand and wrapped it around you. Upon seeing your feet, you instinctively drew them back, as if to hide them. You hadn't realised how wet they were. He smiled and gently took you in his arms, which made your cheeks flush. After all, Tullia was following you behind, carrying your dry clothes in her hands.

Your hand was touching the golden-edged leather strips on his shoulder. Playing with them by running your fingers between each strip. He smiled in response. Once you had entered the room, Marcus set you down. Tullia then placed the dry clothes she had brought for you on the bed, leaving the two of you alone in the room.

"Allow me," you said as you reached for Marcus' armour, but he gently pushed your hands back.

"You first. I do love seeing you like this, but I'm afraid you might catch a chill." His eyes were roaming over your body.

You held his hands and placed them around your waist. “Maybe you could warm me up then?” You smiled naughtily.

He smirked and his hands were already undressing you with haste. Once he had removed your belt and your damp stola, his eyes lingered on the tunic that clung to your body. You were now very aware of the reason for the sudden change in his eyes. That his gentle hands would soon become more impetuous. Even before you reached for the holster on his waist, his lips found yours. His hands were trying to remove your long tunic and you were trying to remove his armour, but it was difficult. When your wet tunic fell to the floor and gathered around your feet, Marcus pushed it aside with his foot, never breaking the kiss. You couldn't tell him to take off his armour because your lips were completely captivated by his. Grabbing you by the hips, he picked you up and put you on the edge of bed. You pulled yourself back with all your might, kneeling on the bed. His armour touching your wet and naked body was a little strange, although seductive. Marcus thought you were playing a game, so he tightened his grip on your lips, not allowing you to break the kiss. But as he tried to come towards you, putting his knee on the bed, the sword at his holster hit the edge. He looked down at himself in surprise and laughed.

“I tried to tell you,” you laughed and helped him out of his armour.

“I must have been under your spell, princess.” He grinned.

Once he'd taken off his armour, Marcus grabbed you around the waist and laid you back on the bed. You couldn't believe how excited you became each time, as if it was the first time he'd ever laid you down and positioned himself on top of you. Moreover, how could it be that each touch of his lips to yours felt so different from the other? It really amazed you that such a simple touch could evoke such strong feelings. Perhaps it was the endless blending of pleasures that this strong bond between you bestowed upon you. What a treat, what a magnificent and wonderful feeling. His lips and tongue were exploring every inch of your body as your bodies fit together perfectly, and you enjoyed one pleasure after another. It felt like there was no end to the adventure of exploring each other's bodies and their needs. Every time you encountered a new sensation and a lot of pleasure. Even Marcus, who was an expert lover, found this to be true. Despite his extensive experience, he had never made love to anyone before you, not even once. It was more than a sexual fulfilment. It satisfies his soul too, as he inhales your scent, touches you, tastes you, he feels complete, he feels alive. To him, you were made for him. The moment you got into his heart, everything lost its meaning; you and all the other insignificant things. You were born into his life like the sun into a dark, war-torn, blood-stained, boring, lonely world. You brought him light and purpose. From now on, he would live to serve you, to make you happy, to protect you from all evil. With you by his side, he was more likely to put his duties for Rome second.

“Marcus,” you moaned. He bent his head and kissed your lips, where you said his name. He didn't want to hear his name from anyone else's lips; only you had to say it, the others not allowed. They couldn't say it like you anyway. It wasn't even a possibility.

“What do you wish me to do, my love?” He whispered in your ear. His lips were caressing your earlobe.

You kissed his cheek and pulled his head towards you with your hands in his hair, it was your turn to whisper in his ear. “You know already.”

He grinned, of course he knew. His big hands gripped your hips tightly, deepening his thrusts and quickening his pace. As you moaned in response, he kissed you. Not to silence you, but to feel your beautiful voice within his very own mouth. Soon together you reached the overwhelming end of your pleasure, moaning into his mouth for the one last time. You remained in that intimate position for a while, breathing heavily. Feeling each other's hearts beating against your chests under your palms. Savoring this glorious moment.

The bright sunshine streamed through the window, illuminating the room with a warm glow. The soft breeze from the balcony caressed your still damp hair, causing you to shiver slightly and pull the sheet over your shoulders. When you heard the swallows chirping, you decided to open your eyes. Marcus wasn't with you in the bed. You frowned and sat up.

“Morning my beautiful wife.”

You turned your head towards his voice. Marcus was at his desk, looking pretty busy with a quill pen and some papers.

“Morning.” You gave him a smile. “Did I sleep for too long again?”

“Just a little,” he replied turning his head back down to continue writing something on the paper. You got up and put on your tunic. However, you then felt nauseous again.

“Excuse me,” you said covering your mouth with hand. Hurried out of the room. Marcus put his quill pen down on the table and stood up. He walked out of the room and followed you into the latrina, waiting outside the door.

"Aurelia, my love. I'm rather concerned."

As you stepped out of the latrina, he put his arms around you.

“Maybe I should call for another medicus?’

"I don't think that is necessary," you said as you walked back to the room together.Marcus helped you to sit on the edge of the bed. He crouched down in front of you, his hands gently smoothing your dishevelled hair.

"You said that you might get better if you rested. However, I can see you're still not feeling well." His face showed concern.

"I'm actually feeling better today." You mumbled. It wasn't a complete lie. The nausea wasn't as bad as it had been the day before. You felt you had no complaints, knowing what was causing this feeling. Marcus lifted your chin up with his hand. You didn't want to tell him before you were certain, but he was so concerned. He needed to know.

"I sense you're hiding something from me.”

You looked at him, blinking your eyes and inhaling a deep breath. "Marcus, I, um. I wasn't sure if I should tell you until I was certain..."

He looked at you from under his eyebrows. "Continue."

You took his hands in yours and looked into his eyes. "I believe I'm with child.”

Marcus froze. His eyes widened in surprise, his pupils dilated. Then the most marvellous smile appeared on his face. He kissed your lips, and his heart overflowed with bliss. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling towards him. He buried his face between your breasts, then slid it to your belly, planting kisses along the way. You felt his lips on your belly.

"What have I done to deserve you?"

“It might be too early to say for sure. Perhaps we should wait a little longer-“

His lips found yours suddenly. He put his knee on the edge of the bed next to yours and laid you back down. You wrapped your arms around his neck. Without breaking the kiss, he settled right next to you on the bed. He put one hand on your belly.

“My beautiful Aurelia,” he purred. “I love you, with all my heart and all my soul.” His warm breath caressed your face, your heart blossomed.

“I love you, Marcus. I love you much more than words can ever say.” You touched his cheek with your fingers. “I hope that I am carrying your child.”

“Our child.” he corrected you.

You smiled. “Our child,” you repeated.

He kissed you again, your heart beat with bliss, which soon turns into desire. “I shall spend all my days with you." He said huskily as his hands lifted up the hem of your tunic. “I shall spend all my time making love to you, over and over until our bodies become one.” His lips found yours again and soon turned into a hungry, lustful kiss. As he slid into your shaking body, and you moaned with exultation. This was love. This was blessing. Elysium on Earth.

Over the next few days, you tried a series of tests to find out whether you were carrying a child or not.One of the tests was a common one in Rome and Egypt. All you had to do was urinate in two different bags; one filled with barley and the other with wheat. If the grain in either bag sprouted after being peed on, it meant the woman was definitely with child.As it turned out, they were right. You saw the barley sprouting within a few days, and the wheat took a little longer. Decima said that meant you were carrying a boy. That's how you felt, they said it was a maternal instinct. You never thought of yourself as a mother, at least not this early. But it was indescribable happiness. Marcus was treating you with more tenderness than ever. You were delighted to be the cause of this amazing man having such wonderful feelings. It was a pleasure to see him so cheerful, and the others in the villa were equally pleased to share in his joy.

During this time, Marcus had been closely involved in the training of the soldiers at the Campus Martius (Fields of Mars) just outside the city. Macrinus had been absent for over a week and it was to be expected that he would soon reach Libya. As the general of the army, it was his duty to be prepared for any eventuality and to train his troops accordingly. No matter how busy he was, no matter how late he came home at night, at the end of the day, you found him in bed snuggled between your breasts and legs. You never complained as you wanted him so much as ever thanks to changes of your body that had led to heightened sexual desire.

That morning, when you were helping Marcus put on his armour, you mentioned Julia. It seems she was pretty desperate, even talking to him about Caracalla too.

"Geta is keeping her hidden," Marcus said as he checked the strings on his armbands, "It's likely that Caracalla will eventually find her. She may have a point about Caracalla being prepared to assign Macrinus as Praetorian prefect. However, he will need to return to accept it. I must finish him before he arrives in Rome." He said with determination.

"I suppose he will return soon, then?”

"He must be. I'm waiting for the messenger pigeon to come back. If the legion commander in Libya confirms he's arrived, I'll make the necessary preparations."

You swallowed, feeling concerned by the fact that he was about to fight Macrinus again. Marcus took your face in his hands.

"Please, do not be concerned, my lady. I gave you my word that you won't lose me."

You nodded. "You do what you need to do, my love."

"I will. For you." He put his hand on your belly. "For our child. I will do whatever it takes to make sure he grows up in a safe Rome, and with other Roman children.”

“I am certain you will.” You embraced him and rested your head on his chest, running your fingers through the contours of the medusa.

“Speaking of children,” Marcus said. You lifted your head to look at him.

“Hmm?”

“All the kids at the Poorhouse and the people there.” He murmured.

“I haven't been to visit them in ages. What about them?”

"You don't have to go. Please don't tire yourself out. I want you to stay here and get some rest. Besides, It seems that Geta is already looking after them in your absence."

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”

"Yes, that does astonish me too. I find it unusual that he would spend his coins on something like that."

"He said he would, but I must admit I didn't expect him to keep his promise."

"You might be right about him. Maybe he could be a better emperor.’ You sensed the sincerity of his tone. "However, I tend to agree with Julia about Caracalla." He said, his face suddenly serious. "Every moment he breathes is detrimental to Rome.”

"Julia almost begged me to poison him."

He was checking his sword carefully. "No, that's treacherous. Even for him. He is an emperor, after all. It must be done honorably."

You felt tense. Or was he planning to act soon? He never mentioned it though.

He put his sword in its holster. "Enough politics, I think." He smiled. "I must take my leave now, my lady.”

For some reason, you felt a sudden sense of unease. "Will you be on duty at the Field of Mars today too?"

"That's correct," he replied after adjusting his armour for the last time. "Please don't engage in any risky things during my absence." He said in a commanding tone.

“I'll be making herbal tea, too dangerous,” you said mockingly.

He gave a little laugh and kissed your temple before leaving the room. As you followed him outside, you realised that the uneasy feeling inside you was getting worse. Maybe it was an unnecessary consequence of your new situation: worrying too much about everything. Marcus looked back at you one last time before heading out. You gave him a smile and then he left.

You made your way downstairs to the girls. You had little chat while they were engaged in weaving the carpet. There wasn't much else to do for the rest of the day, except lie down and rest. You visited Unio to feed her and brush her pearly-white mane with your fingers. Marcus had forbidden you to ride, not until the birth. He'd also told you not to go to the poorhouse, and you'd had to obey him on that one too. In the last few days you had become a little better with your knife and Marcus had admired you for it for the first time. But your overly anxious husband didn't want you to pick it up for a while either. Why did carrying a child have to be so boring?

In the evening, you were feeding Mau. Then you heard footsteps approaching from the courtyard.

"Domina!" The slave boy came running to you. He had that look on his face again, hesitation.

"What is it now?"

"The Emperor." He mumbled.

"Sister!"

You were quite taken aback to see Geta appear out of nowhere. He approached you and embraced you while you stared at him with your mouth hanging open.

“What are you doing here?”

Geta made a face. "Is this the manner in which you choose to greet me?"

"Well, apologies. I am simply astonished."

Geta looked around. "So this is your little house.”

You walked towards courtyard together. "Please have a seat, your majesty," you said, gesturing to him.

All eyes in the villa were on your emperor half-brother, who was seated comfortably on the armchair wearing a crown on his head and an overly flamboyant toga. You requested that the slaves bring you wine and fruit. Geta examined the wine glass and took a sip. As you observed him sitting where his mother had sat days ago, you came to recognise the differences between him and her. They were nothing alike. You were surprised that you had never realised this until now.

"It's been almost weeks, I've missed you a lot." He said suddenly. "How are you feeling now?" He looked you up and down.

"I feel better now, thank you." Your hands involuntarily went to your belly. You were unsure whether you should tell him or not. He was so unpredictable that it was difficult to guess the outcome of saying something like this to him. Perhaps it would be best to wait until your belly gets bigger before sharing.

"My mother," he suddenly said in a serious tone. You looked at him. "She's been here. I know what she told you.”

“You do?”

"As she gets older, her behaviour is getting worse. Don't take her seriously."

"Do you think so? What she said to me is something that should be taken seriously."

"You're right, it's horrible. Caracalla really has gone mad, but her intention of killing him... It's simply not right.”

"Is there something new about his madness?"

"Apart from the fact that became Macrinus' plaything? Well, he won't take me to any meetings anymore. He's got a new toy.”

“How you mean?”

"Macrinus' new right-hand man. He's like his shadow, taking care of things while he's away. I've never met him before, but my brother has already assigned him to the important tasks. I hadn't even been informed about it. Can you believe it?"

You thought about what Marcus said to you about Macrinus' spy. "Could he perhaps be one of the legates?"

"No, he's just come from the north. I don't think anyone knows him, not even the general, your husband."

"If Macrinus hid him like Gaius, I don't think he meant well."

"That's what I thought. You're clever, sister. I've missed talking to you. But not politically, of course." He grinned.

You smiled back. "You're helping your mother to hide from Caracalla, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am." He snapped, playing with his glass.

"What if he finds out?"

He shrugged. "That prick sent her without asking me, anyway." Suddenly Geta put his glass on the table and leaned towards you. "Aurelia, he's really out of control. I know Caracalla, always was, but this time it's different. He's hallucinating, dreaming, and that worries me. I know he'll hurt someone else, if not himself. Last time he nearly got me killed, all because of a stupid dream he had."

"Did you say hallucinations?”

He nodded. "I'm certain it's her. Mother. She did this to him. I gave her a clear warning, but she refused to listen. I'm asking you because you're the expert. Is it possible for a herb to have such an effect?"

“Many kinds of plants can do that. But how could Lady Domna possibly poison him?"

"Not directly of course. My slave caught her talking to another slave in the street. She is not aware, but I know everything.” He exhaled deeply. “She should never have come back, she'll get herself killed."

It was something that would endanger not only herself, but everyone including his own son Geta. How could she be so irresponsible? She must be mad for sure just like her son.

"If its on his drink or food, if I can examine it maybe I can help.”

Geta smiled smugly. “That's why I came here.”

He gestured to one of his slaves who was holding a small wooden box. Geta reached the box, opened and took out a vial filled with red liquid and handed it to you.

"Here. This is a sample of the wine he drank yesterday. Will that be enough?"

You took it, uncorked it and sniffed. As you were already highly sensitive to smells, this one smelled completely wrong.

"Yes, I think this would be enough. Let me observe this first.”

"You do that. I must return now. I don't want him to realize I left the palace and came here. He's rather mad and unpredictable more than ever." He stood up and put his hands on your shoulders. "If you happen to find out what it is, send me word. I'll send one of the slaves here. It seems that I can no longer trust my own guards. He is about to place them all under the control of Macrinus' rat."

You nodded. "I will see what I can do, brother."

Suddenly he leaned in, wrapping his arms around you. You tried to pull back, but it was futile.

“Geta,” you hissed. “You should not touch me like this. Please-“

“What's wrong with embracing my sister?” he said arrogantly.

You couldn't help but feel that he was right, but it still felt a little awkward. He laughed at the look on your face and leaned his head down to kiss your cheek. "Take care of yourself, sister. Hope I'll see you soon," he said, with a wink, and left the courtyard with his slaves following him behind.

Campus Martius. (Field of Mars).

General Acacius arrived there after completing his other duties at the barracks. The layout of this place is reminiscent of an army camp, with a number of small buildings.

“Attention! The general is here!” Octavius barked at the soldiers. They immediately stood at attention.

Acacius' eyes were fixed on the recruits. Some of them were pretty clumsy. He jumped down from his horse, squinting at them.

"Chin up! Chest out! Shoulders back! Suck your stomach in!” Octavius commanded, touching their shoulders to ensure they were doing it right. Then he ran to Acacius' side as he approached them. "Sir!" he nodded to him.

"Sir Octavius, these soldiers are struggling to get in line properly! This is how you train them?” he yelled at him.

That's what being a Roman General entailed, after all. Keeping an eye on the rookies and their commanders, supervising his second-in-command, training all the soldiers to keep the army ready for anything, constantly meeting with the Legates to assess the situation. Keeping track of the legions abroad was undoubtedly the hardest task. The army pigeon was the most efficient way to communicate. A trained pigeon could deliver a message in two or three days, whereas a soldier would take months to do the same.

He looked the soldiers in the face as he passed, tapping some on the shoulder to make sure they were properly in line. The soldiers saluted him by putting their hands on their chests. Some of them looked nervous.

“At ease!” Marcus shouted and the soldiers got into a relaxed position to continue their training.

Octavius walked with him towards the building where the Genaral's room was located. Cato was there, waiting for him outside his room. He saluted him.

“Cato, why you are not with the recruits?’’

"Sir, I wanted to let you know that the pigeon has arrived. I have placed it in its cage and I am waiting here to ensure its safety." He said it in a very serious manner.

Octavius chuckled. Marcus grinned.

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?” Marcus asked him. They were both looking at Cato.

“I believe this prick using the bird as an excuse to avoid training.”

Cato opened his eyes wide. “Never, sir!”

"Who gave you permisson to talk back?" Marcus shouted at him. "Now get out of my sight before I train you myself!"

“Yes, sir!”

Marcus and Octavius laughed after he hurriedly picked up his sword and rushed out. "This boy is really...” He murmured.

"He's been working really hard lately," Octavius said, opened the door and waited for Marcus to enter.

“Do you believe so?” He entered the room and sitting down in his chair and putting his sword on the desk.

"I think he's ready for the platoon training. If you agree.”

Marcus opened the lid of the cage and took the small sealed paper tied to the pigeon's foot. "I still don't think he's ready. He must to learn to overcome his hesitation first." The seal belonged to the Eighth Legion. It was stationed in Leptis Magna, a likely place for Macrinus to visit. Marcus lifted the seal and opened the thin paper.

“My dear friend, the esteemed General Acacius. I Caius Drusus commander of eighth legion, salute you! I have dispatched my men to the harbour of Alexandria as you ordered, however both ships that came from Rome brought only armoury and provisions. Sir Macrinus or his men were not among those who disembarked. Also, we have received word of a few men gathering in the Syrian sector, which may be in line with your suspicions. We await your orders. Rome Victrix!”

Marcus crumpled the paper in his fist and squeezed it. Octavius figured it was bad news.

“Sir? What does it say?”

Marcus slammed his hand down hard on the desk, his whole body filled with anger. “Damn you Macrinus!”

Marcus found himself somewhat perplexed. He was certain that Macrinus was on his way to Ostia and that the ship was waiting for him there. But why hadn't he been seen in the harbour? Octavius picked up the paper he had crumpled up and read it with curiosity.

“How can this be?" He put his hands on the desk and looked at him. Or maybe he never actually left? Did he play a trick on us?"

Marcus was mulling it over. Why would he do that? What was he trying to act? He was such a clever enemy that he never gave away his trail. For Marcus, fighting was simple. It was easy to move your sword according to your enemies movement and cut him down. But playing mind games was tough. It was exhausting to think like your enemy, to anticipate his next move, to always try to be one step ahead of him. Especially when the enemy was someone who had the emperor in the palm of his hand. Could he be seeking retaliation? Or had he never left Rome? Marcus exhaled nervously.

“Octavius, I want you to place two men outside the villa.” He ordered, turning to him. “Is Felix still on Palatine Hill?”

"Yes, sir. He's positioned there as you ordered." He'll let me know if anything arises.

Marcus put his hand to his face, closed his eyes and sighed again. “We're missing something, Octavius.”

“What could it be, sir?”

“I'm not certain yet. But I'll find out. Make sure all the men are gathered in our usual place tomorrow night, in incognito. We shall talk over. Now leave me alone.”

“Yes sir,” he said and left the room.

Villa…

You had been studying the wine residue that Geta had brought you for most of the day, with the help of Decima and Norell. Despite making a few mistakes and experiencing a few setbacks, you eventually managed to identify the substance as the fruit of the Red Shanglu plant (Phytolacca acinosa). Given its red colour, it was a logical that it would blend well with wine.

“Why doesn't it kill him immediately?” Decima asked. She shook the vial in her hand.

"It's not a particularly poisonous plant. Or maybe the person who made it is inexperienced with it. However, even the smallest amount could cause brain damage. That's more dangerous than death,” you muttered.”

“What kind of fruit is this? Can we find it around here?” Norell asked.

“No, unfortunately not. It's probably a fruit from China or somewhere nearby.”

“Didn't the Empress come here from Syria?” Decima asked.

“Damascus is frequented by Chinese traders, couldn't she have brought it from there?”

“That is true.” When you were in Egypt,your uncle had purchased a number of plants from traders who came from Damascus to Alexandria. This was not an auspicious sign. It would be very difficult to create an antidote without the plant itself.

“So what are you going to do?” Norell asked.

“I need to to speak with Geta. I must inform him of this."

“But the soldiers outside, won't let you.” Decima murmured.

Right. Two of Marcus's men arrived at noon for some reason. You were certain that if you went with them to Geta, there would be tension between those two again. Moreover, it was already dark, and he must be on his way back.

You opened your small leather notebook to review the notes you had taken earlier and consulted the description of this plant. From what you can gather from your notes, it seems that reversing it is not an option. However, there was another fruit that could potentially help to mitigate and cure it. Acorus gramineus (commonly known as Japanese sweet flag). Of course. How you didn’t think of that? You recalled your Uncle Vicius with respect and found that his teachings had proved useful to you in your life. You promptly rose to your feet and took a moment to survey the shelves. This plant is a common genus used in Rome and other regions. You attempted to reach for the jar at the top of the shelves, but it was out of reach. You rose on tiptoe and reached as far as you could. Before Decima had a chance to get up and come over to help, another hand suddenly appeared and grasped the jar.

"I did warn you not to do anything dangerous, didn't I?” Suddenly Marcus appeared next to you.

You looked at him in surprise. When had he arrived? The girls greeted him and left the room. "Jars are now a source of danger to you, General?" You teased, took the jar from his hand and put it on the table.

Marcus smiled and approached you, wrapping his arms around you from behind. He planted a tender kiss on your hair and breathed you in, finding your ear. “I missed you.” Then he kissed your cheeks, your nose and your forehead, making you giggle. Then he turned you to him and kissed you on the lips before you could even open your mouth to answer.

“I missed you too, my handsome husband.”

He chuckled and looked at the vials, herbs on the table. "It looks like you had as busy a day as I did.”

You took a deep breath. “I guess I did."

He put a hand under your chin and turned your head towards him. His eyes were already filled with curiosity. "Something has happened. Tell me."

You put your hands on his shoulders. "Geta was here."

He raised his eyebrows. "Your Emperor half-brother Geta?”

“I know no other Geta,” you laughed. But he didn’t.

““What did he want? Why did he come?” He asked in a rather stern tone. Just hearing his name was enough to make him angry. You place your hands on either side of his face. It had an instant calming effect on him, his expression softened immediately.

“You've just arrived, my love, you must be tired. We can talk while we eat."

You picked up a jar of jasmine from one of the shelves.

"I'll put it in our room, it smells nice and has a calming effect."

Marcus put the jar back and grasped your wrist. "There's no need, my love. Your smell is much nicer, and it's the only thing that can calm me down." He led you out of the room.

Once you had entered the courtyard, you requested that Tullia bring the food and walked to your room. Before heading for the stairs, Marcus stopped when he noticed Octavius and Decima talking.

“Why is he still here?”

You chuckled. He looked at you with questioning eyes. You grabbed his muscular arm. It was your turn to tug. “Come now, leave them be.”

“I now understand why he has been distracted lately.” He grunted as he climbed the stairs with you.

“Please don't be angry with him."

“I'm not. But I need to talk to him later.” He said after entering the room.

Your food was brought into the room while you helped Marcus take off his armor. As usual, Marcus sat you on his lap while eating.

"You know, I'm not sure if I'll be able to fit on your lap when my belly gets so big," you said as he fed you a grape.

“Nonsense. There's plenty of room for both of you on my lap," he said, opening his arms. You tilted your head to the side and snuggled into his chest. "As a matter of fact, I can hold three, four, five, or even more," he added, eating his food. You lifted your head to look at his face. "What are you going to do with so many children, General?" you asked, opening your eyes wide.

“I'm going to raise my own army,” he said, laughing.

You laughed too. “Since you are so lascivious husband, it is quite possible.”

“Is it just me? You are too, my sweet wife.”

Your cheeks flushed. “You made me,” you touched his shoulder with yours.

He bent his head and kissed your shoulder. “Pleasure is all mine, my lady.”

“Well, I didn't say I was grateful.” You teased.

As soon as you said that, he looked at you differently. You locked eyes. The atmosphere in the room suddenly shifted. You were well aware of why his eyes had changed. "Then I'll take you in such a way that you'll be eternally grateful." He bent down and kissed you passionately on the lips. His kiss became more intense as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He put his hands in your hair and drank so deeply from your mouth that you almost forgot how to breathe. But you wanted so desperately that you never wanted him to stop. Even more so now, you wanted him more than you ever had, and he seemed to be quite pleased about it.  Marcus helped you lie back against his arm. He pulled the hem of your tunic up your legs and pulled you back onto his lap. As he slid the straps of the tunic down your shoulders, you could feel him getting impatient under your hips. When his lips slid to your neck, you threw your head back to gasp for air. But then you gasped again as he started to play with your already very sensitive breasts. Just the touch of his warm tongue made you feel like it was going to send you over the edge.

“Hmm your breasts are so responsive than ever my love."

You were sure your cheeks were redder than wine. “It's simply expecting for this phase,” you said breathlessly. Your impatient fingers ran through his hair. You were eager for him to take you now.

“It only adds to your beauty. You are so beautiful to be real,” he said huskily. You kissed his neck in response. He grabbed you by the hips, lifted you up and laid you on the bed. Soon he was on top of you. You wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him to you. Or rather, you tried. He chuckled. “You are very impatient for someone who is not grateful, princess?”

You sighed. “I apologise, I shouldn't have said that. I'm so grateful, please, Marcus.” You squirmed desperately. It was one of your lustful husband's favorite moments. “Please what, my love?” He put his knee between your legs as slowly as he could.

"I want you," you purred.

His lips were on your earlobe, and the feel of his hot breath on your neck made you shudder.

"You want me where?" He teased. His fingers caressed your nipples, his glorious length brushing against your entrance which driving you mad.

"I want you inside me, please," you whimpered.

He smiled wide, like he won a victory. “I shall fulfill my princess’ desire.” And there he was, right where you wanted him most. You felt like you were going to explode with happiness and break into little pieces. You felt proud of yourself for making progress and getting to this point. Now you both knew each other's bodies and desires well. It was a progress you didn't expect from yourself, and it wasn't difficult at all. Everything was easier with him. Desiring him, kissing him, feeling his skin under your fingers – it was like a need for life. You needed him. You needed him inside you, on your skin, in the air you breathed, everywhere. With him, everything was beautiful and complete. Without him, everything was missing and lost. With him, you felt alive.

"I'm afraid I may be a little late tonight,” Marcus said as you tied the strings on his armbands. ”You'll keep your promise, won't you?”

Oh yes, your promise to him. After a lengthy discussion, he agreed to your proposal of preparing the herbal mixture for Caracalla, but he would prefer you to remain at the villa for the time being.

“I've positioned one of my men near Palatine Hill. One of the soldiers waiting outside will deliver it to him. So there's no need for you to go there," he said in a commanding tone.

You nodded. “I shall do whatever my husband says.”

A broad smile spread across his face. He wrapped his arms around you. “Say it again.”

You giggled. “I'll do whatever my husband says.”

“My ears have been blessed.” He pulled you to him and kissed you on the lips. He then sighed breaking the kiss. “I'm afraid I must take my leave now.”

“I know you'll come back to me eventually, so it will be easier to await for your arrival.”

He took your face in his hands. "You will wait my return, then, my lady?"

Of course you will, why did he ask such a question?

“I have waited a long time for you, Aurelia,” he said in his velvet voice. His expression was severe, the brown of his eyes warm, intense. “How could I not come back to you?” He kissed you on the temple. He grabbed a few strands of your hair, burried his nose in them inhaling your scent. You rose on tiptoes and kissed him with all the warmth of a woman in love. And he returned your kiss with all the joy and happiness of a man in love. If only Cato hadn't knocked on the door at that moment, you might have stayed there till night.

Once Marcus had left, you went downstairs to your little clinic-like room to make the herbal mixture. With the help of the girls, you managed to do it in less time than you expected. You did as Marcus told you and handed a vial of the mixture to one of the soldiers who were positioned outside the villa. He mounted his horse and headed to Palatine Hill.

As you sat with the girls until the evening, you found yourself feeling that strange sense of unease you had yesterday. It was just like that dream you had a few weeks ago. No matter how hard you tried to ignore it, you couldn't. And it didn't seem to go away until Marcus came back.

It was just after midnight and you were lying in bed playing with your wedding ring. Mau was sleeping peacefully next to you. But unlike her, you were far away from feeling peaceful. You couldn't sleep without seeing him return to you. Soon, however, you heard some horses neighing and murmuring, and your body filled with excitement. You quickly got out of bed. You wrapped your shawl around yourself and left the room, heading for the stairs. But you were halfway up the stairs when you saw the face of a man you didn't know. If you hadn't been holding on to the railing, you would have stumbled. One of the slaves stepped in front of the man, but he pushed him hard. From his clothes, it was clear he was one of the imperial guards. They usually kept their galea on, but not this man. At his command, five or six more soldiers entered the courtyard and all of them stood at attention. They were all dressed like imperial guards. You were wide-eyed, trying to understand what is happening, Decima ran up to you and held your hands nervously. Everyone in the villa woke up to the sounds and rushed to your side.

“You must be Princess Aurelia,” the man said, nodding then smiling weirdly at you. His eyes lingered too long on your body. You felt uncomfortable with the way he looked at you. You pulled your shawl tighter around your body. "Who do you think you are? I will not tolerate you entering my house at this time of night like a raider. I want to know who you are! Speak!"

The man laughed arrogantly. "My name is Flavius, my lady. You do not know me, but your husband does." He took a few steps towards you. "However, even if it's a very tempting idea, I am not here because of Acacius. As for your question, I am here by the command of your brother, the Emperor Caracalla. I shall take you to him."

You were both confused and afraid. "At this time of night? What is so urgent?"

"Oh, true. I forgot to mention the charges against you, forgive me." He smirked, gesturing to one of his men.

The man unfolded the scroll paper to read it aloud. "Princess Aurelia, you are under arrest by the command of the emperor. Your charges are; attempting poisoning of the Emperor himself, conspiracy behind his back, and aiding and abetting the exiled empress."

You swallowed, your heart pounding fast. It seemed likely that the ointment you had sent to Geta must have fallen into Caracalla's hands somehow. "I don't accept these charges! There must be a misunderstanding." you said.

"It doesn't really matter, my lady, I have been instructed to take you to Palatine Hill. And I will." The man came close enough to reach for your arm, but you stepped back.

"Lady Aurelia is the wife of General Acacius and also a princess. When the general returns home, they will go together to the emperor. Perhaps it would be inadvisable to take her by force, sir Flavius?” Tullia said firmly.

They knew each other? You wondered who he was.

”I remember you now. You stood up to me like this back then too. You may have aged but you're still stupid. Get out of my way at once!” Flavius barked.

Wiht Tullia's lead, the slaves and girls moving in front of you as if shielding you. The man sighed and drew his sword.

“No!” you cried.

“The Emperor's orders are final! Get out of my way or I will slay you all with my sword!”

“Do as he says!” You warned them, your voice trembling with fear. They regarded you with an uncertain expression.You held Tullia's hands. "Please, I don't want you to get hurt. I will be fine, I promise."

Then they bowed their heads and, with visible reluctance, withdrewing involuntarily.

You looked at him. “I should dress properly, first,” you said and headed for the room.

“I'm waiting, princess!” He said arrogantly.

How dare he talks to a princess like that? As soon as you walked in the room, immediately grabbed your scabbard and tied it around your ankle. You had to be prepared for anything. You put your hands on your belly, hoping everything would be fine. You put on your stola, look around the room one last time, opened the door and went out. Walked down the stairs, looking at the slaves who looked at you with concern. They were your friends, your family. You smiled at them reassuringly. The man named Flavius held out his hand to you. "My lady.”

You stepped towards outside, choosing to ignore him. Suddenly, you noticed Marcus' soldiers, who were brought to their knees with swords held at their throats by guards. "Put your swords away!" you barked them. But they looked at their commander. Flavius nodded. The men drew back their swords and sheathed them.

"General Acacius has entrusted us with the Lady Aurelia," one of the soldiers said. "We must accompany her.”

Flavius turned to him. "So that's what your General told you, eh? What if I don't let you then?"

The soldier looked at him sharply and drew his sword halfway, the sharp sound of the blade making you tense. "Then we'll have to stop you."

"No, please," you interrupted. You stopped the soldiers by raising your hands.

"My lady, please step aside. The general's orders are certain, and if we die for him, it would be an honour to do so."

Flavius laughed cruelly. “We must give him what he wants then!” He ordered to his soldiers and they all drew their swords once more. You were worried because they were outnumbered. Despite all of your objections, they began to fight. Flavius took hold of your arm and led you towards the carriage.

“Get your hands off me!” You struggled, but he was so strong. "Don't you hear me? I am your princess! You can't touch me!" You shouted at the top of your lungs but it was in vain. He made sure you were seated in the carriage and turned round. After his men killed Marcus' soldiers they mounted their horses at his command. Soon the carriage moved to take you to Palatine Hill. You couldn't stop your tears and sobs as you looked at the soldiers lying lifeless on the ground.

Marcus, where are you? you murmured as you gazed out the window, surveying the dark and gloomy streets.

A place just outside the city…

Marcus and Octavius are waiting in one of the dark streets, which is meant to be a secret meeting place. They're both wearing black cloaks. He had stationed a few of his men at key points in the city to be ready for any move Macrinus might make, and every now and then they hold a small, secret meeting in this gathering place. Secrecy was very important. It had to be late at night because it was an important matter that was only between them. But tonight there was something odd. None of his men showed up. They should have been here by now. Octavius looked down the road but didn't see anyone. They decided to wait a bit more, soon they heard footsteps coming closer. It was one of Marcus's men.

“General! Sir!” The man was out of breath. “Guards. Macrinus.”

Marcus touched his shoulder. “Easy. Breathe.” He told him. “Speak clearly. Why are you on your own?"

"Speak, Aris, what has happened?" Octavius growled.

"The imperial guards arrested all of our men and took them to Palatine Hill."

"On what grounds? What did they say?"

"Have you seen Macrinus there?" Marcus asked.

He shook his head. Suddenly there was the sound of  number of horses approaching towards them and they all tensed up.

"You were followed, you fool!" Octavius hissed.

Guards quickly surrounded and circled around them. One of them looked at Marcus. It was Flavius. “Acacius, It's been too long. Strange night, isn't it?” He jumped down from his horse. Marcus looked at him, astonished.

“Flavius?” He looked him up and down. He recognised his rank by his attire. “So you've been appointed commander of the guards? I thought you were up north.”

So he was the Macrinus' shadow man. He knew exactly what he was doing, Marcus thought.

“I returned a while ago,” he took a step closer to him. “Since I have unfinished business here. With you.” His voice sharpened.

Marcus remained still.

“You killed my brother, remember? You took him from me. And for what? For screwing your wife when you're in the south?”

Marcus clenched his fists. His body was filled with rage. He was dangerously on the edge.

"I've been looking forward to this moment for quite some time, Acacius. I have been waiting for the right moment to take what you have from you when you feel happy.”

Marcus grasped hilt of his sword. Octavius and Aris were ready, waiting for his command.

"So Macrinus made you his commander? Is this how you plan to get revenge on me?"

"He's a very clever man, I'll give him that. And he's determined to finish you, though not as determined as I am." He grinned.

"Right, so how do we do it? One on one? You and I?" Marcus drew his sword to half-length.

Flavius laughed. "You've already lost, Acacius, why should I bother?" He gestured for his man to read the emperor's order. The man unfolded the roll of paper. "General Marcus Acacius! You are under arrest by order of Emperor Caracalla! Your charges are; placing men in front of the emperor's house to spy on him, to command the armies for your own benefit, attempting to murder a member of the senate, abusing the title of general, going behind the emperor's back.”

"Right," said Flavius, coming over to him. He held his gaze. “The Emperor wants to see you. He'll be the one to decide your fate.” He approached him. “Just as he will decide your wife's fate.” He grinned with his teeth.

Marcus grabbed his throat with both hands. “What did you just say?”

The guards half-drew their swords and took up attack positions. Octavius and Aris gripped the hilt of their swords in response.

"Speak, or I'll rip your neck off!" he roared, his fingers gripping his throat tighter. Flavius seemed amused.

"Your wife, Aurelia, is a beautiful woman. I took her from the villa to Palatine Hill. I told you it was a strange night.”

Marcus punched him in the face and kicked him in the stomach, mad him fell to the ground. He then quickly drew his sword. In a flash he leapt on him and held his sharp sword to his neck. “If you say her name again, I'll cut your tongue off!” He barked. “Why did you take her there? Speak, damn you!” He was boiling with anger.

Flavius, however seemed calm. “Don’t be a fool, Acacius, if you kill me now, you'll get nothing. I'm only doing my duty.”

Unfortunately it was true, he could kill him and all the guards one by one, but that would only result in a higher charge being brought against him. Furthermore, Marcus's primary concern was you. He had to make sure you were alright, which meant he had to go to Palatine Hill with them.

Flavius ignored sharp sword pressing against his throat, laughing cruelly at him. “Revenge is a son of a whore, isn't it?”

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[rin-solo]

*That* scene in Six Hundred Strike is not about vengeance, it's about vulnerability ... because the Vengeance saga isn't about vengeance

To think all of this started because I was trying to determine why it feels so natural to read intimacy into the torture scene in Six Hundred Strike ... See, I'm personally not someone who reads an angle like this into things easily, but this time I found myself doing it too. And I just needed to know why.

It just made no sense for a while, because if you look at it superficially, it shouldn't make sense; it's a freaking torture scene. But I don't know, somehow, I must have felt that there was something there ... and I think I figured it out.

See, the reason why it feels so natural to read intimacy into this scene is because ... it actually is incredibly intimate. Not in an actually sexual way, but more so in a, "Imagine you were suddenly able to read someone's mind, and they yours" kind of intimacy.

It's really easy to just assume Six Hundred Strike is literally about vengeance, but it isn't. Now, please stick with me for a bit because we are going on a bit of a tangent here, but I promise we'll get back to this eventually.

The tangent I want to explore first is (as you've probably seen in the title) that the whole Vengeance saga is, ironically, about the unnecessity of vengeance and how destructive grudges and resentment can be. Think about it:

In Not Sorry For Loving You, Odysseus lets Calypso rant and then walks away without confronting her or accusing her, even telling her what she wants to hear one last time. I already discussed why Odysseus is an incredibly non-judgmental, non-resentful person in my Monster essay, and here is another excellent example of that.

Charybdis (I'm skipping Dangerous because he doesn't encounter any enemies there) is the first "monster" enemy he leaves alive since Polyphemus (Scylla doesn't count because he still "kills" for the sake of getting past her, even if it's in the form of sacrificing his men.) While one might argue that he had no choice since Charybdis is virtually impossible to kill, I think placing this encounter here might be an intentional choice especially since it differs greatly from the way that Charybdis is in the Odyssey. There has to be reason behind this change.

In Get In The Water (my beloved 🫶) we are explicitly shown that Odysseus offers Poseidon (the god who killed his whole fleet and is responsible for most of his suffering) forgiveness. The reason Odysseus has to torture him in the first place is Poseidon's own refusal of this mercy—he's literally torturing Poseidon in order to make him finally release the grudge because he has proven that this is the only way to actually get through to him. It actually shows perfectly that Poseidon's own inability to release his resentment became his downfall in the end, disproving his own "ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves" motto as his own ruthlessness bit him in the a** this time, as I talked about in this post.

... And there is no resentment or vengeance in Six Hundred Strike either.

On one hand, it's easy to assume phrases like "For every comrade, every one of my friends, almost all of whom were slaughtered by your hand" or "How does it feel to be helpless? How does it feel to know pain?" indicate resentment, but ... not really.

We already know that Odysseus doesn't want vengeance, or he wouldn't have tried to lead from the heart one song earlier.

And then make yourself aware of something else: Not once during any of their encounters is Odysseus actually accusing or resenting Poseidon for anything.

"Almost all of whom were slaughtered by your hand" is an objective fact. It's just true. Someone vengeful may have said "I'll make you pay for all of those you slaughtered" or "All of their deaths are your fault" ... Odysseus just says, "for every comrade". He doesn't specify what he's doing for his comrades ... and it sure as hell isn't that he's (trying to) cause Poseidon pain or harm for them (which would be vengeance.)

For every comrade, he is fighting Poseidon, in order to finally reach his goal. For every comrade, he's doing everything that he has to do in order to get home, and in order to end this feud.

And then we get to the torture scene and it's ... actually so incredibly freaking intimate. Because it's not actually about vengeance, it's not about accusing Poseidon, or making him pay, or suffer more than necessary. If Odysseus were speaking from a genuine vengeance angle, he'd probably sound more like, "You killed my friends, now you pay for it. You did this to me and now it is your time to suffer." But he doesn't.

The torture scene in Six Hundred Strike is actually ... just another, much more extreme, repeat of Odysseus' lines from Get In The Water (my beloved 🫶): "Aren't you tired, Poseidon? It's been ten years, how long will this go? We're both hurting from losses, so why not leave this here and just go home?"

Odysseus tried saying it nicely ... now he's stabbing him with his own trident, hoping, practically begging, that he finally listens and accepts. Just lets them both go home.

And the thing is, this time, he isn't just saying "we're both hurting from losses" ... All you have to do is repeat to yourself Odysseus' entire monologue that he unleashes while he's stabbing him in a calmer, gentler tone and you'll see that what he is actually yelling out at Poseidon are all of the reasons why he is hurting. Sharing with him all of the pain that he probably hasn't shared with anyone ... ever.

"How does it feel to be helpless? How does it feel to know pain?" -> How does it feel to be vulnerable? I've felt vulnerable for so long without anyone to talk to or because no one truly understood me or what I'm going through.

"I watched my friends die in horror, crying as they were all slain. I heard their final moments, calling their captain in vain." -> This is why I am hurting. These are my losses.

"Look what you turned me into. Look what we've become." -> Look what I could be if I actually followed your lessons. Is this what you really want? Why can't you understand the harm that this is causing both of us?

"All of the pain that I've been through ... haven't I suffered enough?" -> Aren't you tired, Poseidon? It's been ten years, how long will this go? We're both hurting from losses, so why not leave this here and just go home?"

"You didn't stop when I begged you." -> I asked you to "Stop this, please" mere minutes ago. You didn't stop. That's why I'm doing this.

"(You) told me to close my heart. You said the world is dark. Didn't you say that ruthlessness is mercy?" -> I'm doing what you said you wanted me to do. Do you really want this? Do you really believe this? Can something like this really be mercy?

The first time I heard this, I firmly believed that Odysseus was actually crying during this part, and honestly, I believe that to this day. The canon visuals don't show us his face and I want to almost say that's intentional.

This whole scene is about vulnerability. Forced vulnerability, in a lot of ways, but raw, real vulnerability nonetheless.

This isn't just a torture scene; it's actually one of the most intimate scenes we've ever seen Odysseus share with anyone on screen. Seldom do we see him this honest in front of others (the vulnerable scene with Circe at the end of There Are Other Ways is the only other example I can think of.) Otherwise, all of his honest, raw songs are his solo songs (Monster, Just A Man, ...)

But here, Odysseus is essentially using the symbol of Poseidon's invulnerability—his trident—to force him into the most vulnerable position that he's probably been in centuries, if not ever ... and at the same time, he is being incredibly vulnerable himself. He's opening up to Poseidon in a kind of absolute way that we have actually never seen him open up to anyone.

... If that is not intimacy in its rawest, most painful, uncomfortable, and yet cathartic forms, I don't know what is.

As if that weren't sad enough... The saddest part about all of this is actually Poseidon's "Monster!" ... Because it tells us without a doubt that he is actually incapable of receiving or understanding those words from Get In The Water (my beloved 🫶). He is incapable of understanding vulnerability. All he can see is the "monstrous" act that accompanies it because that is something he knows and recognizes.

Although I believe, in the end, Odysseus did get through to him, and did get him to drop the grudge, I believe it happened on a kind of subconscious level rather than genuine acknowledgment or agreement. It's further proof of how Odysseus is capable of growth while Poseidon isn't (yet.)

Poseidon remains stuck in his ways, in his "ruthlessness" philosophy, because he isn't ready to acknowledge its flawed nature, essentially making it his own cage that prevents him from growing or moving forward. Meanwhile, Odysseus is walking away, walking ahead.

... Part of me almost wants to claim that he started begging Odysseus to stop so quickly not because of the physical pain, but because of his words. Because the vulnerability forced on him was hurting in a way that physical injuries, even from his own trident, never could. Because deep down, very deep down, he must've ... "felt" what Odysseus wanted him to understand and feel anyway.

Remember how I compared this type of intimacy to the sudden ability to read someone's mind before? I chose this analogy for a reason. What is intimacy if not using the very source of a god's invulnerability, essentially putting yourself into his divine shoes, doing what you know he would do to you ... in order to force him to connect to your mortal feelings and pains, even if he can still not truly understand them?

Here is where we see, for the first time, maybe ever, what even Odysseus and Athena couldn't do (yet), and the core reason why their partnership broke apart: a mortal and a divine genuinely understood each other's perspectives ... saw themselves in the other, even if only for a moment.

Given all that ... there is absolutely nothing I can say against kicking my feet and giggling excitedly over this scene.

[cursedvida]

It's really crazy to me to see the hate Mae gets, like I was reading some reviews and I can understand not liking a character but as soon as they start with the name calling their opinion is invalid to me because they have no reason to be calling her a bitch, among other things, like it just reeks of mysogyny, (it's like they just want an excuse to call women names) and seeing it coming from other girls makes it worse like..

"Oh the girl was such a bitch why did she do that 🙄" ..is it really that hard to think for a moment about the circumstances in which mae was raised?? Do they need it spell it out for them?? Like, c'mon guys do you really think that the people trapped in a bunker for generations have anything nice to teach/say about the apes?? Wes Ball please give us Mae's backstory in the sequel!! Your audience needs it bc they are out there calling Mae the real villain and saying Proximus was right 💀 (when he was literally everything Caesar hated in an ape)

Look, I'm usually a polite person when expressing my opinions, but I'm fed up with the hate towards Mae, basically because the arguments people give seem incredibly basic to me, typical of people with little to no understanding. Sometimes I doubt if these people have watched the same movie as me or maybe they have some sort of cognitive dissonance, but seriously, I find them ridiculous. Either that, or they are basically the typical comments from misogynistic guys or women with internalized misogyny who can't stand morally gray and questionable female characters.

And well, having said that, I'm going to present my doctoral thesis on this topic:

One of the things I've seen the most is people saying that Mae is evil, the true villain, or an ungrateful traitor to Noa. This argument seems quite incomprehensible to me because, even though we don't have much data about her, I believe there's something very important that explains why she acts as she does: the Proximus apes killed the people in her group, including her mother. I mean: her damn mother. If we add to that the UNDERSTANDING (I mean, you have to be very short-minded not to assume something so obvious) that she has been raised in an environment where they've probably told her all her life that the apes are the reason for all the evils of humanity and the main reason why humans live in shitty conditions, I think anyone with half a brain has enough information to understand why she does what she does.

Yes, Noa is a good guy, but he's not helping her. Noa and Mae have a common goal and decide to ally themselves momentarily to achieve that goal, which is to reach Proximus. As much as they've formed a bond throughout the story, it's not yet strong enough for Mae to set aside what she has worked for so hard. Mae not only bears the weight of humanity on her shoulders but also emotionally carries the idea that she, as the sole survivor of her group, must complete the mission at all costs. Are those who criticize her telling me that if they truly thought that with certain actions they could not only save their species but also honor their loved ones who have been killed infront their eyes, they wouldn't do them? And that they wouldn't do them for someone they've just met, no matter how much they like them? That's just not realistic, it makes no sense. We would all do the same as Mae in her situation. I mean, I have no doubts.

Another thing I love is when they say she's the "true villain" as if it weren't clear enough that she feels bad every time since she forms a bond with Raka and Noa when she does something that she knows may harm them. She feels pain for Raka's death and clearly, you can also see the conflict and remorse when she detonates the bomb. It's not something she enjoys doing, but she HAS to do it. In the final scene, even though she's carrying a gun, you can also clearly see her in conflict with herself. Clearly, she doesn't want to kill him. Clearly, she has nothing against Noa, and this is evident when she finally accepts the necklace and they even shake hands. You can't tell me that's the attitude of a villain, narratively it's not presented as such, and seeing it that way is to have understood nothing.

Mae is a complex character whose life is based on survival, she's no different from the characters we're used to loving and idolizing in other post-apocalyptic series, the difference here for me is that she's human and humans have to be bad by default and also that she's a woman. Because female characters always have to be the support, the romantic interest, or the unconditional friends of heroic male characters, and Mae is none of that. Mae is a character with her own story and ambitions that go beyond Noa's plot. Mae has her own plot, and it seems that's something that bothers people a lot.

I'm sorry, but the hate towards Mae seems very similar to the one people had for Sansa Stark in Game of Thrones, which basically stemmed from people being misogynistic and hating complex and imperfect female characters, combined with how much they hate seeing protagonist characters with such human and real characteristics that they can't bear the idea of seeing themselves reflected in them.

But hey, for Sansa Stark, I would have killed, and now for Mae too. Mae haters basically DNI

[lupunsus]

lots of people like bunny hybrid, but I already have Gorou so I'll expand more on Tighnari so the fucker will come home.

based on genshin hybrid au by @cinnamonest

warning: ashamed novice writer writes bad smut, tighnari drugs, manipulates, and almost eats reader several times while treating them like a living fleshlight as well as emergency food. Reader is also degraded because he thinks you're a dumb bunny who can't do anything themselves :(

In a previous post, I left off on the cute floppy eared bunny, obliviously eating an aphrodisiac flower, which makes Tighnari throw all senses out of the window and act on his predatory instincts.

Of course, as a fennec fox, he had to have a taste of your blood first. What's the harm in biting down a little too hard on those cute ears of yours? Don't cry. You clearly wanted someone to breed you. Why else would you eat such a thing in his garden? Even if you didn't know, it's too late to go back now. As a fennec fox, he already saw you as his mate. And his kind mates for life. Do yours too? It doesn't matter. Tighnari will keep you in his den far away from the humans, in a nest he lovingly made for you, and you alone.

You should be thankful he chose you. Nobody else will be able to satiate you when he conducts his specialized research focused on how your body reacts to being his mate.

For now, he can't get enough of the feeling of your little insides suffocating him. It's a bit hard to get his knot in, but it must mean it's your first time. He'd reassure you and be more gentle, but it won't be long until the flower takes effect and turns you into a stupid whore begging for his knot. Ah, but should he call you that? You're just an innocent bunny who knows nothing of the human language. It isn't your fault that you were born without ever receiving an upbringing similar to what he had.

Tighnari would think of it as a sad thing, as maybe if you had an ounce of knowledge, you'd know better to assume he wouldn't devour an adorable thing like you are. He bets you don't even have a name or an identity. He'll teach you to address yourself as "Tighnari's Mate." The only name you'll ever need as the only place you'll be is by his side, coupling to his heart's content.

You don't understand the feeling of something trying to force its way into you.

At first, it hurt so much. Even worse than how hard he'd bite into your skin and tear it with his claws. It wasn't hard for him to mark his new territory as you were bare for everyone to see. But it was because you didn't need clothes! You were a wild animal, of course, and they'd be unconventional to wear if you needed to escape. Would it have been better to have something to cover you? Just to help shield yourself from the onslaught of his attacks? Why did it start to feel good? Like a feeling of pleasure and content. An itch that's finally been scratched.

When Tighnari finally forced his knot inside, you came.

This was your first time having this kind of experience, and it was exhausting. Not even the flower could keep you from passing out. It didn't matter to Tighnari, too drunk on how absolutely tight you became, the feeling of being smothered within your warm insides driving him crazy. He emptied his load into you soon after, sinking his teeth and claws into your flesh while he rode out his high. If this is how it felt to breed you, he really had to control the predatory urge to eat you.

His private quarters weren't too far. He mainly uses it when he's going through his ruts or when he absolutely can not be bothered. But it only means he can enjoy the feeling of keeping his knot inside without anyone walking in on the two of you. It crossed his mind before on whether someone would see you being bred out in the open by him, but after experiencing your sweet, delicious body, Tighnari was willing to take the risk. But you looked as though a wild animal got to you, so he would be in big trouble as it looked as though he fucked you while you were injured, but it was obvious that those were "love bites" by his design.

It's good he knows how to patch someone up. Such a cute bunny like you deserves to be kept. He can teach you how to be a good mate in his standard. What the different chirps he makes mean, how to tell his mood based on his body language, how to kiss him, his favourite position to take you in,

Ah, he's beginning to get hard again. You wouldn't mind taking in some more of his love while he bandages and licks your wounds clean, would you? Of course not. You're his beloved mate. Leaving him isn't a choice either, not when he can just make it so that you're too drugged to even walk properly. To have you crave him as much as he hungers for you. Just thinking about the future he has planned for the two of you is enough to bring him to the edge once more.

Tighnari thinks he can get used to this lifestyle.

You, on the other hand, can't even remember your life before meeting your mate.

Being so weak and unable to walk for long, he was attentive to all of your needs. It makes you feel useless to see him do things you're supposed to do, but he insists that he wants to do them. Reassuring you lovingly by nuzzling against you and whispering some words that you didn't understand. It's okay, though. The only words you need to know are the ones he teaches you. From calling him your "beloved mate" to breathily moaning out the filthiest things that will get him going.

Tighnari is always kind enough to give you "love marks" as well. Even if they hurt at first, they are meant to represent how much he loves you, as they remain on your body for long periods of time. And when they start to disappear, he leaves more, sometimes biting down to the point where you think he'll eat you alive. It's okay, some panicked squeaks and "Mm! H-Hurts..." Will snap him out of the trance. He always feels so guilty until he licks at the wound. The taste of your blood is so sweet to him. It's addicting.

The only way to get him to realize his precious little bunny is also his one and only mate is to try to intertwine your fingers with his own. Tighnari taught you that it's what mates do to tell each other that their love is true and will last forever.

"For, rever?" You curiously asked one day, looking up at him during another breeding session. He almost came then and there from how adorable you looked, but managed to stop himself and halt his movements. "Even after your eyes close for a long time." Was his response, but it was more of a reminder to himself to rein his instincts in when he gets too far. He's taught you to trust and love him unconditionally. Even if he were to eat you alive someday, you'd still look at him with hazy and unfocused eyes filled with love and adoration.

He's drugged you to rely on him and only him, to see him as your mate. Tighnari knows that if anyone were to see you two now, you'd be taken away from him, as people would see this entire relationship as toxic and inhumane. But without him, you'd probably be in the hands of some degenerate pervert who couldn't even experience sex with a fellow human. To him, though, you weren't something to be used, but something that provided nourishment to both his body and soul.

And if you were to be moved away from him, he'd be no better than other hybrids that developed an attachment to their masters. After all, no matter how many times Tighnari may use you as he pleases, and how incapacitated he's made you with drugs, you are the only thing that can bring Tighnari to his knees.

It contradicts the way he treats you, but he truly wishes to see you happy while in his care. Even if you're not in the proper state of mind to realize that all of this is wrong and against your nature. That you have to run away from this man and live in a completely different country just to feel safe. But when he considers gradually decreasing the amount of drugs he has you on, he fears that the heaven he made for the two of you will completely disappear. And he'll have to eat you so the two of you can truly be together forever.

Tighnari has a feeling that a close friend of his knows about the secret he's kept from the other forest rangers, but seeing your tuckered out form laying in your shared nest, he decides that his friend would've stopped him a long time ago if they felt that his actions were truly wrong. But he can't help but consider a life with just you. The Withering has stopped appearing, and Collei's disease has been cured. Would it be ok to live in seclusion and succumb to his animal instincts?

"Mate..." You're calling out for him even in your dreams. He thinks you know when he's lost in his thoughts, as your actions bring him back to the present. Tighnari always sleeps with your naked bodies pressed closed together, to the point where one could consider it an attempt to strangle them. But you're used to it. Your body can tell when he doesn't have a protective grip on you, and you get really pouty in the mornings. He thinks it's adorable and apologizes by emptying several loads of his love into your body.

As Tighnari presses himself closer, nuzzling and licking at your cheeks, he wonders if he can make a potion that'll make you start lactating. When he succeeds, he'll consider finding a way to make you give birth to a healthy litter. And if there really is no way to make you compatible with his seed, he'll just fuck you enough times so your tummy stays round and full of him.

He doesn't mind pretending you're pregnant with his pups

[yanderefarm]

What happens if we don’t have sex with the yanderes for a long amount of time till there angry about it

🐀

i do feel like i should say that if you just didn't wanna have sex with them they would all be chill with that xhsjdn this is just yknow pushing them? but they're all basically ok with whatever you want and are comfortable with. i feel like that usually goes without saying but idk i wanted to clarify.

cw;; noncon, nsft, self harm mentions, violence towards reader

honestly i can imagine ares and emil being the same. they dont need to worry too much about why you're not having sex with them! they can fix it. they're the type to tie you up. they'd wait for you to go to sleep or maybe drug you so you sleep really deeply and then they'll tie you to the bed. they would both be impatient about it too they want you awake to watch them riding you. ares would be sucking on your cock, being a good cock warmer until you wake up. emil would just have his maids inform him of when you get up so he can save his energy. either way they're going to make sure you fuck them properly. relationship repaired!

i think noemie, nephite, and silvan would be cry babies about it. they're annoyed but it gets to their heads like maybe you don't want them anymore. maybe they're not good enough. nephite would be the most shy about bringing it up but when his heat hits you'll come home to him crying and begging for you to not ignore him anymore. noemie is most likely to try and seduce you, he'll sit in bed with his ass in the air or he'll wear slutty lingerie to try and get your attention until it becomes too much, he'll break down crying asking why he isn't good enough for you anymore. silvan is just going to keep going about his day as usual but it stings everytime he starts to get close to you and you ignore him but he doesn't throw a fit he's more likely to accept that he's not wanted anymore and turn to tearing himself apart inside either for attention or because clearly you're going to replace him.

ajax is weird because i don't think he's ever been deprived sex in his adult life. i don't think he'd know how to handle rejection. i think he'd get pissed off and start accusing you of cheating on him because his brain just can't make sense of you not wanting him for so long. you must be cheating on him and that's why you're not as desperate as he is. either he gets bratty and says then he'll cheat too to make you as angry as he is. or he'll shove you down and make you touch him. he'll start smothering you with his tits and insulting you while he jerks you off.

i think achilles first of all would have to stop both, he can handle no sex as long as you're still using him as an ashtray, so for him to really snap you'd have to completely neglect him. and he'd be getting his head with paranoia. he'd come home early and completely undress waiting for you to return only to get shunned. he'd bring you one of your whips only to be ignored. he'd even wear short skirts trying to get your attention only for you to pretend he's not there. and it's wearing on his mind. he also would assume you're cheating but he doesn't know what to do about it because he's never properly experienced jealousy before. he'd eventually really snap and tie you up but he doesn't know what to do after that. his best is interrogating you about why you don't want him. what did he do wrong?

[bairdthereader]

Julio Spring, let's have a chat.

I find this man hard to write about because sometimes he makes himself exactly what his son needs, and other times he's almost damagingly quiet. Without knowing too much about Julio's past (I think I've read everything Alice has written about him, but for the purposes of this post I'm going to focus mainly on what we know from the show), it can be hard to parse his motivations and actions. But one thing we know for sure is that Julio is deeply concerned for Charlie.

The most poignant scene between them is obviously when Julio hugs Charlie after Harry's party. He can sense immediately that something is wrong, very wrong, but has the intuition and sensitivity to push aside the intense curiosity he must be feeling about why, or the details of what happened, and addresses the most pressing issue--Charlie's need for comfort and support.

Though we never see it on screen, or even much in the books aside from some narrative flashbacks, this must be a tragically familiar scenario for Julio; after all, he's been through at least a year or more of dealing with the aftermath of the bullying Charlie experiences. How achingly difficult must it be for Julio to repeat "it's going to be okay" to his son when he knows there's a good chance it might not ever be truly okay. The trust that Charlie must have in Julio to allow himself to fall apart in front of him indicates that Julio must have handled those past crises with enough care to make Charlie see him as a safe space. [And we can't assume that Julio is safe for Charlie just because he's his father--Alice makes it clear in other storylines that safety with family is far, far from a given.]

Julio has gone through this enough times that, when it's time to drop Charlie off at the cinema, he's clearly torn between allowing Charlie the freedom he needs, and the space to make his own judgments about what he can handle, versus his parental desire to protect Charlie from harm. The fact that he gives Charlie that space earns him a lot of respect in my eyes.

Afterward, he can tell that the conversation between Charlie and Ben was an antagonistic one, and that his concerns were valid. There's nothing worse as a parent than anticipating hurt for your child and then having that fear come true. But Julio doesn't push, or dig for more. Maybe he should have, but those calls are always hard to make, and even harder to judge from the outside.

A lot of Julio's tender and caring moments happen in the first season, so it's hard to watch in season two when there are many scenes where Julio is so obviously upset, worried, or angry, and yet does nothing. Sometimes, admittedly, it's hard to know what to do, and that's valid, but we need him to try.

We need Julio, who understands Jane and where she's coming from at least a little better than Charlie does, to step in and mediate when she's clearly letting her own past and her parents' critical behavior impact how she's interacting with her son.

We need Julio to follow up on his concern, that niggling worry and doubt that he has, about Charlie not eating and isolating himself.

We need Julio to object when he witnesses Charlie engaging in negative self-talk, to bolster his son with words of support.

Julio Spring is a good dad who cares incredibly deeply for a son he can't always completely understand, but there's room for growth here too. I really hope we get to see that in season 3.

*And fear not, the infamous hanky panky conversation will get its own post.

[actuallymoon]

Hufflepuff! Draco

When it comes to 8th year resorting, people think that Draco would end up in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, but I really think he'd become a Hufflepuff.

He definitely can't be in Gryffindor because he doesn't have the impulsivity or courage required. If we compare him to Lucius, Draco doesn't have the same boldness he does. Lucius takes risks to get what he wants, he dares to wear a mask and go torture muggles at an event where Aurors are surely present, he isn't scared of the consequences and isn't afraid to stick with the dark lord up until he knew that he will certainly lose. Lucius is also not the best 'cunning and charming diplomat'. He uses force or threats while a more Slytherin approach would be to manipulate the other person into thinking that they want what you want. Draco, on the other hand, doesn't particularly enjoy doing these things and seems too soft to actually want to cause harm (which is the way Gryffindor-ish Slytherins act, like Tom and Lucius).

I can see why some people might regard him as a Ravenclaw because of his creativity and wit, but is it truly what he needs? Draco is the embodiment of creativity meeting intelligence. I can't stop thinking about his 'Potter stinks' badges and how they stayed functional years after he charmed them, especially since most charms tend to last a few hours at most. BUT!!! I have a feeling that he wouldn't be improving/changing if he is placed in Ravenclaw. Most Ravenclaws would leave him alone, nobody would try to be his friend because they're all doing their thing. They'll just be civil with him. That is NOT what he needs. He needs to learn how to be compassionate and kind and that could only be provided by Hufflepuff.

We already know that wands reveal aspects about their owners and that Draco's wand core is unicorn hair. That MUST mean something??! When I knew that, I assumed that Draco had a secret nurturing side that yearned to help others. Unicorn hair also is the core with the lowest propensity to dark magic, so I think that it only performed dark spells, because Draco believed that it was for the greater good (aka cleansing the wizarding world and making it a better place for purebloods). In Huffelpuff, other students would immediately be drawn to help Draco adjust, and in the process, Draco might learn how to extend his desire to help to other people, not just purebloods.

There's a lot more I want to say but it's 2am, and I'm certain that the paragraphs I just wrote make no sense, but wtv. This is just one of my tricks into convincing someone here to write an 8th year Slytherin Harry x Hufflepuff Draco fic. Slytherpuff is the cutest ship dynamic I am afraid.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk 🩷🌙

[vasito-de-leche]

Hi! I read about your super cool Self Aware R1999 AU and it got me thinking about what Sonetto would be like, since I have a 100% bond with her in the suitcase.

Would she try to keep normalcy? Have a brand new idle line? Perhaps pull a Monika DDLC and start writing poetry where she tries to grapple with the fact that there’s an eldritch being puppeteering her best friend?

;R1999 SONETTO - Self-Aware AU

Headcanons about how Sonetto would act upon becoming self-aware. Related to this Self-Aware AU post.

glad you like the AU! this was a nice chance to explore Sonetto's character more <3

To organize my thoughts better, I gotta talk about Sonetto first for a bit.

I definitely talked about this with a few friends, but Sonetto is a wonderful character to me because I both dislike and feel for her a lot - especially in the new 1.4 Main Story update. The emphasis the game puts into her role as a military dog (raised to follow orders and die for a cause she doesn't truly understand) and a lost puppy (a curious and dependant child believing her caretakers have the best of intentions) really lives up to the way she portrays these same traits. Yes, it's awful to see her continue to perpetuate the harmful ideas the Foundation taught her, but it makes sense. Yes, it's lovely to see her slowly break away from everything she's ever known, and yet revert back to her habits because change is difficult. The way she works perfectly as a foil to Vertin, it's so good!

To me, Sonetto is a character that resists change, while yearning for it at the same time. That's why her Medium is curiosity, after all. It's so lovely and ironic to see THE perfect example of a Foundation martyr being set up for failure in something that they couldn't have even foreseen, her own Medium, her own innate curiosity.

So with this in mind, I think that within the Self-Aware AU ... I think she would be able to deal with this sudden awareness of everything being fake, because her first reaction would be to assume there's something wrong with herself for thinking something so outlandish, so beyond what she was taught. Sonetto would still resist this change - if this is a game, then she's not meant to be aware of it, therefore she's the one at fault and perhaps, broken in a way.

Maybe "broken" is too heavy of a word, I imagine it's more like she believes she broke the rules by gaining this level of sentience. That it' wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.

How would she act overall?

I feel like Sonetto would be relatively fine upon becoming sentient because of this, she'd be shaken but would continue to do as expected and follow the script like a proper little chess piece, one of the many cogs needed in the machine - her reasoning is simple: if everyone who is self-aware began to act out, there wouldn't be a game to play. And what would happen to her friends, then? If this stability that the plot and script brings is suddenly gone?

There would be times where she might slip up, but they'd be very subtle changes in the her dialogue - perhaps the inflection of her voice, rather than the words - she might pause for longer to think, to consider whether to do anything outside of what she's expected to. But that's about it.

The problem begins when she finds out (or is told) that the Foundation had known this truth about the world they live in for longer than she's been alive. Sonetto remains docile entirely to keep that order and harmony she's been raised to maintain, but to find out that the very people who taught her that have known and done nothing but lie to everyone - that would be the catalyst for her.

Personally, I like to think that this is something she figures out on her own, rather than being told. A truth she must face on her own instead of just accepting someone else's words.

Her behaviour would still largely remain the same whenever she knows she has a part to play, but in those moments when she knows there's no "camera" looking at her, Sonetto would... sit there. WIth the way I've interpreted Sonetto, she's a character that struggles to actually have an identity outside of the Foundation's training, so now that this is something she can't rely on, she's at a loss as to what to do with this newfound freedom.

I imagine this is when other arcanists who were self-aware before her would start reaching out to Sonetto and slowly give her that stability she needs.

On the subject of Sonetto's relationship with Vertin.

The way I interpreted Sonetto and Vertin's dynamic, I don't see them as best friends!

From reading back some scenes and transcribing most of CH 03 of the Main Story, it feels like both Sonetto and Vertin have always found themselves in a one-sided relationship: when they were kids, Sonetto rejected Vertin's attempts at becoming friends because of their differences, even if they were both curious about each other. They never striked me as close. Now that years have passed, Vertin treats Sonetto similar to how she treats everyone else, while Sonetto explicitly wants to be closer to Vertin due to what happened when they were kids.

To me, Vertin has shown more emotion to Schneider and Madam Z than to Sonetto. There's this one-sided dynamic again.

In the context of the AU, I think Sonetto finding out about what Vertin goes through with this entity and this role that the game forced upon her, she would double down on her feelings to protect Vertin. There's a lot of guilt involved, since - once again - that's what the Foundation teaches to all orphan arcanists, to repent for their unruly and destructive existence.

I think Sonetto would feel guilty for not gaining sentience sooner, while Vertin has been struggling with this heavy weight for God knows how long. She would recontextualize everything about Vertin, her actions and the differences that constantly got her into trouble as a child, her desire to escape - attributing all of it to this entity that follows her. Because I do think that Sonetto idolizes Vertin to a degree that fuels this one-sided dynamic between them, not out of malice of course, just like a puppy.

So in the end, Sonetto would resent the Player and worry even more for Vertin, now using this as a justification for acting out of line and out of script, as Vertin's self-imposed protector.

It would take Sonetto a looooooong time to do anything with her sentience and freedom, beyond continuing to support Vertin. Her poems and her art would reflect this progress slowly, but yeah, not a lot of noticeable changes.

Reaching 100% Bond with Sonetto.

This is a very conflicting event for Sonetto, I'd say.

The more attention you pay to her, the more aware she becomes of your influence - and now she has to come to terms with the fact that there is no way of separating you from Vertin. She can't free Vertin from this fate, and it doesn't look like she wants that to happen either, but it eats Sonetto from inside out. Because she doesn't understand, and she wants to know why this is the way things are meant to be.

When it comes to reaching 100% Bond with her, or levelling her up and so on, I don't think she'd pay much attention to the mechanical aspect of it all. She's a skilled arcanist, she's the first important character the game gives to you during the tutorial stages, she knows just how important her Disarm ability can be to win a battle - of course you would want her on your team.

But as she slowly spends more time with Vertin and the Player, I think Sonetto would start to wonder about the outside world. They're small, little and impulsive thoughts in the back of her mind, like wondering if you too have someone in this fictional little world that you care about enough to see the story through the end. Are you capable of loving someone that can't reach out to you nor acknowledge your presence? Isn't it cruel, for those who remain blind to the truth, to be so loved and cherished by you?

Do you read the newspaper the same way Vertin does? Do you care about her? About her goals and dreams and thoughts?

This is the only way Sonetto can reconcile this resentment she has for you: through Vertin. I think Vertin would eventually notice all these subtle changes, the way Sonetto never looks truly happy whenever she looks at Vertin, looking above as if she could catch a glimpse of the Player. And Vertin would help through the whole process, easing up to sentience as a whole, to accepting the Player's existence as just something that is there, neither good or bad.

While she's one of the very few who has no trouble differentiating your actions and influence from Vertin's own free will, she would eventually come to respect your choices. Doing her best and beyond whenever you choose her to battle, because now the stakes are higher - now, she's choosing to fight for something she fully understands and cares about.

I like to think that Sonetto can't hear you, but she might be able to see you. Little glimpses here and there, when she happens to look up at the sky, and she sees you cheering after beating that one level that's been giving you a headache. I like to think that she would share these details about you with Vertin, if only to ease her own mind about the complex dynamic you have with THE Timekeeper.

But at the end of the day, this is progress and these are many changes that happen out of your field of vision. Perhaps, one day, Sonetto will gather the courage to thank you for taking care of Vertin when no one else would.

[tirfpikachu]

this screenshot from another post actually really hit me hard

it's so true... they always do this. trying to make body dysphoria seem inherently worse than body dysmorphia is actually cruel. as someone who developed extremely severe body dysmorphia before dysphoria, i can tell you it's the #1 reason i started hating and harming myself and wanting to die at a young age. i would've 1000% gotten extreme facial plastic surgery to "fix" myself. and while for some it's their road to happiness, if i had it... it personally would've locked me into this fake version of myself, forever wearing a mask. and whenever i'd see someone looking like my past self, a haunting feeling would've come over me. and yet society was encouraging me to "fix" my perceived flaws. it was insanely normalized. it was seen as almost self-care, and a way to better my chances in life as a "prettier" woman. it really fucked me up. you CANNOT look me in the eyes and say shit like "women just want to xyz bc of beauty standards, it's not the same as my much worse severely debilitating dysphoria" without telling my younger self and other young girls that her life-threatening suffering wasn't bad enough, wasn't painful enough, wasn't as bad as anything a trans person goes through. it assumes so fucking much about dysmorphic people. don't brush us off so easily. don't put yourself as inherently in a worse situation when societal misogyny costs real lives. especially since for me, it came from initial bullying at a young age, like many other girls who hate their own bodies & faces. stop belittling our pain.

my dysphoria was very debilitating too, and made me a trans activist for life. but it did come with risks. i developed reverse dysphoria quite quickly after i started growing stubble, and now i'm stuck with that painful dysphoria until i can get expensive laser hair removal. if this is how transfems feel like about their own stubble, holy shit... i'm so fucking sorry. that's a truly horrible feeling. what i can tell you though, is that this is actually a cousin sensation to dysmorphia. dysmorphia & dysphoria aren't as separated as y'all might want them to be, which would make things must simpler ofc. but it's the feeling of visceral disgust, of your body not being good enough, not being you enough. that sucks to think about; we don't want to empower the transphobic crowd into thinking they can magically fix us all. and so, many activists and dysphoric people try to compensate by portraying them as experiences that are completely foreign to one another. as never being related or feeling similar at all, ever. but the thing is, as a previously chronically dysphoric & dysmorphic detrans chick, i can tell you first-hand that it doesn't help anyone to pretend that these aren't often comorbid disorders, and that they actually really do feel similar. and that's okay! no one should take all your treatment options away just because of that. that would be shitty, transphobic, and honestly ableist. but we gotta encourage ppl & their doctors to do due diligence (which my doctor and trans community didn't) and be open to everybody about the risk of regret, of reverse dysphoria, of things not working out the way we think they will. because all that at the very least makes detransitions less painful, even if you personally never detransition. detransitions can lead to very extreme self-hatred, and all the unfortunate consequences of self-hatred. it is a very vulnerable place to be in, and we want to prevent harm. more and more folks are detransitioning because of a lack of information and a focus on celebrating someone's transition early instead of giving proper information. the same should be done with dysmorphic folks - i am both a post-dysphoric and post-dysmorphic person. but many dysmorphic people cannot function without getting surgeries.

and while this is honestly tragic, as anyone needing to go under the knife at all is tragic in a sense... sometimes it is the only life-saving treatment option for the person. for me, i feel so fucking proud of my survival despite years of debilitating disgust at myself, my body and my face. both in a dysphoric and dysmorphic way. but i do not look down on anyone who did have to go through surgeries. i'm just happy to see them smile and feel good about themselves, honestly. but it is a bit bittersweet. how was it, before surgeries, to be dysphoric? to be dysmorphic? i want to read more stories from those eras. how did people find inner peace? did they, in the end? how many didn't survive? what did they have to say? i feel a strange sense of yearning, sometimes. heteropatriarchal society is really weird. it triggers dysmorphia in so many young girls & transmascs. it can also trigger temporary dysphoria in some people, and even permanent dysphoria. and just because certain societal things are a factor in your dysphoria doesn't mean you're lesser for it either - your suffering matters. just like dysmorphic suffering. hating yourself at all is so fucking painful. i wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy, or i'd at least strongly hesitate and they'd need to be an actual monster to deserve it. i love dysphoric & dysmorphic people so fucking much. i don't want us to fight eachother, or shame eachother for seeking treatments when things become too much for us to bear. we need to uplift one another. do everything we can to lessen these feelings in ourselves, of course, as a community of people who hate their bodies and place in society. but if someone chooses to cross over, to take hormones, to have surgeries... i just don't want them to regret it, that's all. and if they don't? if they're happy? i would hug them and breathe a sigh of relief as well. i'd feel bittersweet, almost nostalgic, because i've been there. people who haven't been severely dysphoric or dysmorphic don't fucking understand. hopefully they never will.

[thefriendoforatioisdead]

The apparition of Kuea in this episode has finally made me realize the common point between the men of Idol Factory's gl. What I like is that they don't make ''the guy'' an awful person like for example the husband in Couple of mirrors or the Count in the Handmaiden. ''the guy'' in sapphic media is often an abusive jerk, much like ''the girl'' in bls is often a manipulative ''pick-me''. But not in Gap, not in Dream and (as of right now) not in the Loyal Pin. In fact ''the guy'' is really caring, he genuinely loves Sam/Kim/Pin, he's respectful, devoted....In fact, if this wasn't a gl, I would root for him.

BUT there's something different with Kuea which highlighted for me what was wrong with Kirk and Marwin as well. Entitlment. Kirk wanted to help Sam so he just started doing buisness behind her back for things regarding her own compagny, without telling her. Because he felt that, since they were going to get married, he had a right to do that. He felt he could tell Mon to back off because Sam was technically his, even if he knew perfectly their engagement was against Sam's will. He felt entitled to her. Just like Marwin didn't care about Kim's wants, or her obvious feelings for Wan. It doesn't matter what SHE wants, because someone, anyone, the mother the grandmother or society told him that's what's right. Those men's feelings for those women justified going against their will, because ''I love her, so I want what's best for her, and I'm obviously right in what I think is best''. Entitlment.

Kirk took it best. At the end, it even seems like he got through with the wedding because the Grandmother kinda forced him. Marwin took it awfully, and resorted to extremely petty and frankly pathetic revenge.

Kuea is different because unlike the two others, we can see from the beginning what we can realize later about them : Pin is visibly uncomfortable about him being there, and she barely tries to conceal it. Honestly, I believe that according to the rules of their class and their time period (that I don't know anything about so I'm assuming), she's been as rude with him as her personality allows her to be. But he still feels like he can continue to pursue her, because it is what's right, what makes sense, what society expects. His entitlment comes from there.

And I find it refreshing that ''the guy'' is not a 2 dimensional generic homophobic hyper toxic dude (not saying that when the man is obviously very awful he's necessarily a bland character). These guys feel more realistic because they don't intend to harm, but they do, because they're just so sure they're the best man around and what this woman needs. They're not mean and they're not cruel, they must think they're actually super nice, and they act like gentlemen, but at the end of the day, when it comes down to the real things, they don't value the opinion of the woman they ''love'', nor her feelings. I like these archetype, and I like that these 3 characters are different and I can't wait to see how Kuea is going to evolve.

I personally think he's going to be the worst out of the 3

[adkawariatka]

Hi so I am mainly posting my art buuut for a few months I have been thinking about that idea.... You see I am a fan of Danny Phantom fanfiction and have been reading some for almost 2 Years..... I AM not confidend in my abilities as writer especialy that english isn't my first language (for any mistakes sorry). I am especially fan of dcxdp works and I wanted to share:

Because in some concepts ghost are territorial and Jason is somehow touched by death, imagine Danny fleating from ghost Hunters (GIW and his parents) for months and stumbles in his chase into Gotham specify in to crime alley. And there is Jason with some other bats preferably Nightwing and Red Robin in crime alley, meeting over some other case. And then Jason looses himself in The Pit and starts to run somewhere. where? To The place where Danny unaware of The fact that he just crossed line of someone else's territory (because Jason isn't dead but only touched by it and it is hard to sense him especialy for such young ghost as Danny) started to get ready to spend night on some rooftop. So Danny exhausted wounded and sleepy gets hammered by Jason who is in The middle of pit attack over something unalive entering HIS territory. Of course with Dick and Tim hot on his tail and Batman on his way. When Jason starts to attack Danny The present bats of course start to defend him. Meanwhile, Danny Has a melt down over fact that he overstepped on someone else's ground and that super Heroes from Gotham are adamant on making The owner of said ground even angrier at him. And he knows how furious he must be because he wos in his shoes more times that he can count. So he does The only sensible thing. He shouts at The bats to stop and pushes himself before Jason. Making sure he doesn't look in The burning green ice of The other creature he bends his knee. Tuning his head to The right and a little up. So his throat is easly accessible to The other Sharp fangs assuming position generally accepted in Infinite relams as non thretening and humbled. Jason then stops his assalut shocking present heros. Danny takes IT as good sign and starts to talk:

Danny: hello The mighty owner of this ground. I am Phantom, traveler who entered your territory by mistake. I understand your Anger and desire to punish me. My mistake brought you fury and inseciurity for that I am sorry. Please forgive to this humble wayfarer if you wish to penalize me I will gladly accept but please don't be harsh as I am only trying to pass and mean no harm.

Danny isn't first to crossing paths with other relams inhabitants and he learned some culture he is not some rude brat and does knows about Proper apologies. He expects beating or some favour, if The owner does not decide to kill him.... Hopefully. He did stupid mistake after all. He blames concusion and that two days old gun wound. Meanwhile Jason is in shock how this kid in matters of some strange pose and few Words brought him back peace. As are The bats obserwing The scene.

Jason: what did you do?

Danny doesn't lift his gaze. Feeling still some fury and concusion

Danny: I.... -and stops and thinks what he is suppoused to do. Beside stepping on his territory. He wracks his head for other offenses while Jason gets agitated by lack of response

Jason: What did you do!!!!!???

Danny is a little confused but he sees bats starting to creep closer and reading their wepons. Danny is tired and irritated at them. Do they want to get him killed that badly?

Danny: STOP right there! We are in The middle of a negotiations!

Then risks a glance to his listener. He windens his eyes identyfying The creature as touched by death. Someone who died and come back often caused by clinical death but there are sometimes complications. When he focus he can feel all the corrupted ectoplasm in front of him.

Danny: I don't know what you mean touched by death. I know I am trespassing and that you are angry. If you decide what price should I pay.... Do you want a favour? Or... To let out your frustration?

Jason stares dumbfounded and then asks:

What?

Danny: for entering your territory...?

Danny gest a little confused

Jason: what did you called me? What price... Who The hell are you?

Scratch that Danny is totally lost.... As his conversationalist apparently. But he did not survive alone on The run for that long without being a little sly himself. Lifting his head he looks at Jason and allows his own eyes to flash green. He hears curses from bat themed heros.

Danny: Lets do IT that way. I will anwser three of your questions and you will forget about my faults. Do we have a deal?

Jason narrows his eyes and makes a decision this kid knows something about him also Has pit inside him and doesn't wanted to RIP his throat... Yet. He will try. Decides and gives his hand to The kid lifting him up.

Jason:Deal, why did you called me touched by death?

Danny: because at some point you died.... And came back. Its not as rare as you might think. Clinical deaths and all. It happens and leaves permanent Mark on you.

He can see The bats getting closer listening. And even trying to sat something before they get cut off

Jason: How do you know that?

Danny: we can feel it. Inhabitants of Infinite relams have ability to sense others Like themself. Its Like six sense. pretty cool right?

Jason: We as you died too. So you too took bath in lazarus pits. How do you Control pit madness? what are Infinite relams and its inhabitants?

Danny: what? I don't know what this madness or pits are... Infinite relams idą dimension where dead lives on. Its a place that Ghost, old gods, magical creatures and other various beeings calls home.

Jason: do who are you?

Danny grins misheviously and takes view steps back. He now stays closer to The edge of The roof. Thanks to The conversation he could asses The situation and gather his power for escape.

Danny: I am afraid that wos fourth question.... Thanks you for your generosity touched by death. I Hope we will never see each other again.

And then he proceed to jump of The roof. He hears The frantic footsteps and vioces. then flies few alleys away from this territory. He hits The ground hard keeping The invisibility on because he is not stupid to think that its Safe here. His wound got worse. He is hungry cold and hurt badly. He hopes he will survive this.

Soooo that's it. Its only na idea if you want to work on its feel free just let me know if you do because i would love to see what you created. Like i said ealier its my first work, Prompt.... something i don't even know what to call IT😅

[howdoesagrapewrites]

𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥

Cw: sleep deprivation, hallucinations, suicide, self harm, poly!reader x lovesick!Pavitr Prabhakar x lovesick!Gayatri Singh, force feeding but not in a fetish way, vomit (only mentioned), drugging, selective/situational mutism, the hallucinations catholicism related (sorry I'm hispanic), kinda comfort at the end?

Notes: Tumblr wouldn't let me upload this?? I tried several times so I decided to just post it alone. Anyways, this happens after a variation of the events in Even as the void consumes them but the reader didn't succumb to stockholm syndrome

"Open. Up" Gayatri's voice was nothing but an echo, a disturbance in the sound waves. You can feel she has her hand on your jaw, trying to force it open. You had vomited everything that had entered your system the las three days, it's not even intentional at this point, it's like your body rejects whatever its presented. It makes sense, in a way. Your body is rejecting them, just like you do.

You stubbornly clench your jaw in a silent protest. Not that there's other way to oppose her, the second your lips are slightly spread, she'll force the food down your throat.

You recognize their patience. They have been trying to feed you for, an hour? You are tempted to leave it uncertain, as time is not something your tired brain can afford to care about.

Every escape plan has failed so far, the one time you could leave the building, you were returned by the police. And after your second attempt, you moved, they got a house instead of an apartment, you could see through windows, it was a completely unknown place, you assumed it was Mumbattan since Pavitr had "work" here, but aside from that, is hopeless.

Gayatri's hand lets go of your jaw, she's getting increasingly frustrated at your resistance. You see her holding back tears. You could go on a whole ramble about how she must feel seeing you starve, and sleep deprive yourself, a person she loves dearly, in theory. However, you don't allow yourself to be moved by their sob stories anymore, you're too tired, you're too damaged.

"Have it your way. This little stunt won't be successful, you won't die." She says as she gets up from the chair and exits the living room, have you been rested and functioning properly, you would've listened to her whispering something more. "I can't let you die"

As of late, you only sleep when you're passed out, only get nourished when they leave you no choice. You really wished there was a less painful way to go, but they made sure you couldn't hurt yourself, no knives, no razors, no pills (not even ibuprofen), they baby-proofed the entire house so you wouldn't hurt yourself with the corners of the furniture, Pavitr wanted to remove the door from your room so he could watch you 24/7, but Gayatri talked him out of it. You don't know if it's genuine respect for the little privacy you had left, or just because being exposed also meant that they were exposed as well, and you've seen how she storms out because she doesn't have the strength to keep her tears from falling, you hear their endless rantings at night, it always ends the same way: they wail about the lost time, about the things you said or did, or about the teeny tiny impression that they might have screwed up, it's all the same, they'll end up curled up in each other's embrace, conjuring excuses and hope-filled speeches about "things going back to how they were".

You see the plate laying beneath you. Full of maggots, you gag and feel the now familiar burn in your dry throat. You fight the urge to slam the plate away, this happened before, everytime they leave, food turns to maggots, they can't see it, but you know what they're really feeding you. It's better, you definitely have no appetite now.

You head to your room, now filled with the floral wallpaper you hate. When you saw it for the first time, you made your nails bleed from scratching the walls, you hated it, you yelled at them, berated them in every way you knew how. It was the only thing you'd ask for in this hellhole. If you can't have freedom, please let the yellow flowers stay with you. Eventually they got some, but not enough to cover the whole room, no longer 5,128 flowers. You said you wouldn't speak a word to them until they got you the rest, but you know that's not the real reason why you don't talk anymore.

"Don't talk, go make bread" an old man whispers

"Your eyes taste like how the color purple tastes like"

You hear a knock on the door, followed by more voices.

"You're ungrateful."

"Break the door"

"Don't answer the door"

"I really want to sleep"

"Pigeons are nice because they know things"

Voices always calm down when Michael shows up. The glow hurts your eyes, the divine light hurts the sinner.

"Father shall not leave thee, you face the calvary for those who are innocent"

Those who are innocent.

Pavitr is not innocent, you recall it now.

He gave you a spoonful of something, then he pecked your closed lips. You don't know you weren't moving, it feels like you were watching a movie about yourself.

Pavitr is not innocent, so you aren't doing this for him.

What are you doing?

Y/N collapsed on the floor, the loud thump alerted the other two people.

"They'll be better now, you can rest" Pavitr reassured to the woman next to him

"They keep trying to hurt themselves, they won't let us nurse them back to health" there was an audible tear in Gayatri Singh's voice, cracking, a little hoarse, tired.

"We can't blame them for being ill. Remember, love, in sickness and in health" Pavitr picked the body, it was malnourished, skin thin like a sheet of paper, multiple little injuries that never healed properly. He put them in the bed, freshly made, no one has slept there in a while.

"In sickness and in health" Gayatri repeated, with hope, as she tucked her lover into the bed, she made sure it was comfortable, even for someone who won't know the difference.

They kiss their slumbering lover's hands, then sit down, in well needed silence.

"We need to call the physician to see if they can put them in IV therapy or something" Gayatri said, her worries still exacerbating

"One day at a time, jaanu, one day at a time."

[annymation]

Don’t mean to sound pushy, but are you gonna post the conversation that Simon had with Magnifico?

Not pushy at all! I didn’t share it before because no one asked for it so I assumed people weren’t interested, but now that you asked, here’s how it played out:

The king looks at Simon through the mirror with an intrigued look, wanting to know what this is all about.

Simon takes a deep breath, no turning back now, he just hopes that this works

“I… I know where the star is.”

The king’s eyes light up with delight once he hears that “Oooh do you now? How fortunate!” he smiles at the mirror, but then he remembers the lie he told his people was that the star is a threat, so he adds with a faux sense of worry in his voice "I do hope you're not too close to it, lad. That star can be quite cunning."

Simon is conflicted if he believes that's true and Asha was manipulated or believe that Aster is genuinely a good guy and the king is mistaken... But right now the truth doesn't matter, all he knows is that he can't let his friends go through with this plan, or they'll all be in danger, but they won't listen to him so... This is the only way.

"He hasn't done anything to us. Now, I can tell you where he is if you swear tha-"

"Us?" The king asks, knowing full well who he means, but faking confusion "Ah yes, you mean you and Asha, of course, well, make sure to not let her get away when I arrive, poor thing is clearly under a spell, but I'll be sure to fix that."

"N-no wait! You can't take her!" Simon protests

Magnifico raises an eyebrow at that "Can't I? And why is that?"

"... I want to make a deal." Simon says determined

"... Go on." The king is curious to where this is going

"I can get Aster away from Asha and lead him to you if you come here in the woods... But in turn, I need you to swear no harm will come to her."

"... Hmmm" Magnifico thinks for a moment, that sounds way too good to be true... And weird. Why would this boy who claims to be Asha's friend do this? "Before we agree on anything, I must know... How did you find them before my soldiers?"

Simon gets nervous, he didn't want to mention his friends in all of this, then they'd just get in trouble, and that's exactly what he's trying to avoid "Uh ya know... I just went alone and found them, nothing much to it really..." He lies, quite badly.

Magnifico takes notice of his nervousness, and decides that maybe Simon just need a little push to give him the answers he wants...

"Now now, I do hope I'm mistaken but... I sense you're not being completely honest with me, Simon." His eyes glow green, sending a mesmerizing gleam through the mirror straight to Simon's eyes, the young man feels his eyelids grow heavier "Let's try this again, shall we? How did you find them?" He repeats the question with a friendly smile, his eyes shinning bright green.

"... My friends wanted to go find them... So I went with them to help..." Simon shakes his head a bit... Why did he just say that?

"Friends you say? Interesting, and what are Asha and these friends up to?" His eyes glow green longer this time, his smile slowly turning more malicious as there's no need to hide it.

Simon feels even more tired than usual, his mouth speaks without him wanting it to "We planned on how to defeat you..."

"Oh my, you don't say" He says with obvious sarcasm, pretending to be shocked "Now I'm curious, how do you plan on achieving such a thing?"

He snaps back to reality again, Simon realizes he's speaking too much, this isn't what he wanted at all, and the king is clearly using his magic on him "This is all wrong, I can't tell you these things I... I- I made a mistake." Simon is distressed, he looks away from the mirror.

"A mistake?" the king repeats his words with a fake voice of concern

"I- I just wanted to keep them safe, I tried to tell them it was dangerous for us to go in the woods, but they didn't listen, they never listen! And I knew they wouldn't listen if I said this plan won't work." Simon is ranting more to himself than to the king, who is listening every word with a wicked smile, ready to take advantage of this added context. Simon makes up his mind that he's not going through with this, he picks up a rock from the cave, and looks angrily at the mirror ready to break it "I thought I could keep them safe if I just gave you what you wanted... But you're even worse than what Asha said! And I'm not gonna let you use me to hurt th-"

He looks at the mirror one last time before smashing the rock on it... And that was a big mistake.

When he looks at the mirror Magnifico's eyes are glowing green, not momentarily but constantly now, sending his hypnotic magic at full force to the already sleepy teen.

"Shhhhh shh shh there there Simon, that's quite enough... Put that rock down now." His voice is smooth as silk, Simon tries to fight it, but it's pointless. He let's go of the rock "Well done... So all you wish is to keep your friends safe, but they are dead set on defying me, hmm?" The king says with a mocking voice of pity, Simon nods slowly, unable to looks away from the mirror "Tsk tsk tsk how exhausting this must be for you, being the only voice of reason and all... But don't you worry Simon, trust me, I shall bring them no harm whatsoever... If you do as I say. You can do that, can't you?" Simon once again nods yes, he's deep into the spell, but deep down he's still trying to resist, Magnifico smiles sinisterly but still with a slow and calming voice "Of course you can, it's so much easier to just do as your king says. Go on now, tell me aaaaall about this little plan of theirs, and don't leave any details~"

And Simon does, however, with the little resistance he still has, he omits the information about Asha's magic pencil, leaving it vague how they'd get to the castle or unlock the doors.

Magnifico finds out about how they plan to break his staff, and to get in the castle through the dungeon, and he already begins to plan in his head how to fool them with a fake gem, and how to trap them in the castle. And as for Asha, well, the king promised he'd bring her no harm... But Amaya didn't say anything.

And she was standing there listening to the whole conversation while petting Bravo, already thinking how she'd make the girl pay.

Once he gets all the information he needed, Magnifico's eyes go back to normal, allowing Simon to finally snap out of trance.

Simon blinks a few times feeling dizzy, he doesn't quite remember all that he just told him, only a few glimpses of what he wants Simon to do "Ugh... Wha- what were we talking about?"

"Ooh I think you just dozed off for a bit there, don't worry heheh" Magnifico smiles innocently like nothing happened "As I was saying, all I need from you is that you keep your friends locked up in the kitchen, that's easy enough for your sleepy head to handle, isn't it?" He says condescendingly

Simon doesn't like this plan at all but... What choice does he have? "Y-yes... And you swear they'll be alright?"

"Like I said, IF you keep them in there, then I won't do anything to them... Am I clear?" The king is not even trying to hide that he's threatening them now, either Simon makes this go just as Magnifico wants, or his friends will pay the price... And it would all be his fault.

Simon just wants this to end, all he can say is a quiet "...Yes"

But Magnifico is not satisfied with just that, and singsongs ""Yes" what, Simon?"

"... Yes, your majesty." Simon adds, sounding defeated

"That's better. Thank you so much for your service, little one." The king calls him that knowing full well Simon is almost as tall as him, but he wants the young man to feel even smaller than he already feels.

The king just snaps his fingers and and the mirror no longer shows his face, it stops glowing, now showing only Simon's frightened expression.

The oldest of the 7 teens wishes he could scream in frustration, but the others might hear him from the camp fire... He probably should go join them... Even though he's not even sure he can look at their faces after what he just did.

He just hides the magic mirror inside his pillow case and gets up to go join the others, but just when he's about to leave the cave... He sees a huge ball of light coming in his direction at full speed.

"AAAH!"

"Oh good! You're awake!" Aster said with a huge smile.

[tqila-sunset]

Not describing something experienced by a wide array of people with a word that implies a more limited scope is a great reason to not use TMA/TME. We already have a lot of potential language for that, we could just talk about that the same way you propose talking about transandrophobia and exorsexism. It's so weird to see people say things like that and then go "but transmisogyny and the way it's used is fine, because the oppression of women is bizarrely sacred". I also am really opposed to the androphobia thing. I'm not saying androphobia against cis men necessarily exists, but I think the trend of saying that TERFs (forex) know trans women are women deep down and just uniquely hate them for being trans women is really ridiculous. Like I saw a post recently that was like "they didn't get there by hating men so hard". Like, yes! They very much did! I get MRAs are cringe and exhausting to deal with but the aversion to describing masculinity as ever being treated negatively has gotten downright pathological.

Now some trans women are just flat out lying to themselves because they've pinned their sense of identity to what transphobes must secretly really feel inside instead of accepting that what other people think doesn't make them less valid. And in the process that means also erasing the harm people like TERFs do to everyone else because now so much as saying "TERFs are also bad because-" is apparently decentering of trans women, who must always be the Primary Victim at all times.

i disagree with the first bit because i've never heard good alternatives to discussing the concept of trans-misogyny other than the term trans-misogyny. like, i could say "the intersection of transphobia and misogyny, which primarily targets trans-feminine and adjacent populations while affecting a wide array of other people less directly" but i prefer just saying "trans-misogyny."

i also like the word transmisogyny because it can be blended with misogynoir (into trans-misogynoir, or the intersection of anti-Blackness, transphobia, and misogyny) very cleanly and that just tickles my autism.

I also disagree with how you've characterised the conflict in the other two paragraphs. i don't understand TERFs as hating men. they hate trans people, primarily trans women, so they degender and position trans women as aggressive men. but (imo) they don't do this because they imagine trans women as men, TERFs would never treat someone they saw as a legitimate man the way they treat trans women. maybe some see trans women as illegitimate men but that's all a woman is to a misogynist - a shitty alternative to a man.

i've never been (openly - obvs i can't read minds) dismissed in conversations about transphobia, misogyny, and the intersections of those axes of oppression by my transfem peers. to some extent i assume that this is because i cite transfeminist thought when i discuss queerphobia rather than relying purely on my personal experiences as a TME trans person.

[hopefull-mindset]

Labeling it as Abuse Doesn’t Make Sense, Sorry

(Had to unfortunately repost because Tumblr was broken)

In my huge overview of the abuse in BSD, I went over the relationships between the director and Atsushi in both Beast and the main story, as well as Dazai and Akutagawa. Then I went over the Port Mafia’s environment and Kyouka’s abuse being more than just Akutagawa’s doing, fundamentally being structural abuse within a community that condones abuse as a way to teach their subordinates. I went into that frustrated and fed up with how people view abuse, trying my best to go over things people misunderstood the most about how the narrative handled them.

There was one outlier in this discussion, one I was absolutely prepared to have more to speak about, but went out of it confused and underwhelmed because it ended up not being an abusive dynamic. You noticed, right? I didn't mention Mori and Dazai because there was barely anything there to say it was abusive. I still, of course, went over it in my post because still, the point was to go over the misunderstandings. Looking back at that section though, I think I did a poor job really explaining why abuse as a label here doesn't work.

I kept saying that I “didn’t understand why people thought this” and that it “didn't make logical sense for Mori to do certain things” because I thought it was incredibly obvious as someone who has went back and read their scenes together again. I thought that my explanation was enough after all my points I made before that section, but maybe I've underestimated how much this fandom conflated how much evidence they have to say this after reading posts about it.

Do not conflate me saying “its not abusive” to “it didn't have any psychological effect on Dazai”. You can have a messed up relationship with an adult and is not fit to be labeled abusive. I don't regret how I talked about it, I regret not going over how fanon this actually is and expressing my confusion deeper. It's been eating at me and I don't want to overuse the talking point of abuse, but I felt like it. I needed a break from the Oda Sakunosuke research exhaustion.

I don’t want to be a pity party, but as a victim myself, I’m a little aggravated at how loosely “abuse” has been used. I already went over what abuse is in the original post, and I just don’t get what people are seeing when they claim Mori abused him. I'm curious as to why fans are so quick to the take. Is it because they want some unconscious reason as to why Dazai chose to abuse Akutagawa? Is it because since they see the narrative parallels between them and Kyouka, then that must mean Mori had abused Dazai? Strange.

It's popular to compare Yosano’s past circumstances to Dazai’s, and you can see why at a glance. Both are brought into circumstances that are not ideal for a child by Mori, the opposite Demon/Angel motif, have some similarities to Mori himself, and… that's kind of it? Because Mori doesn't treat them the same way and that changes way more than you think it really does about how you label this. Circumstantially, she has more in common with Kyouka and Chuuya, back when he was in the clutches of N.

Yosano was drafted by Mori to utilize her ability in the great war. He dehumanizes her by reducing her to a tool and disregards her feelings for the greater cause he's trying to contribute to. Mori forces her to keep using her ability by shooting Tachihara’s brother and intimidating her to keep doing her job. He installs fear into what could happen if she doesn't heal them, but is further damaged by what happens when she does. While we don't see a lot of what happened during then, we can assume this kept happening until the war ended.

You can pinpoint what makes this situation abusive quite easily:

Disregarding the autonomy of the victim

Uses fear and intimidation tactics

Psychological power dynamic that weighs on the victim

(Assuming so) is repeatedly forced to keep repeating something that causes psychological harm

Though I can absolutely say Yosano is just as much of a victim to the structural abuse of Ability users being targets of the country, like Chuuya, there is primarily one person we can pin her abuse on: Mori, because he was in charge of her and was his primary target. Mori resorts to using abuse because Yosano had too much of a will of her own and was not doing what he needed of her.

That’s Yosano’s situation, now what about Dazai?

As recounted in the Fifteen LN, they met by chance. Someone brought Dazai in after a suicide attempt into his clinic and, for an unknown reason since we don’t actually know anything about the plan itself, Mori asked him to be apart of his new plan to assassinate the old boss that took about maybe a year or so. He was a witness and accomplice to his death, a death that was necessary to the safety of Yokohama. He hadn’t became an official member until he had teamed up with Chuuya and was convinced that maybe he could find a reason to live by joining because of this experience.

As Dazai is pretty much a blank slate with potential in Mori’s eyes, Mori had decided to teach him tactical theory to put his mind to use and had him team up with Chuuya to develop him further with a good influence as Fukuzawa was to him (“A diamond can only polish a diamond”). Mori sees himself in Dazai and wants him to become someone who will be a great right-hand man, but ultimately lets him loose in Dark Era because of his irrational human fears of Dazai killing him one day like he did to the old boss. There could be more reasons to why he did it (Dazai not being a good potential future leader or maybe having to do with the revelation that he did care about Dazai in Beast), but this is what canon has offered us currently.

Already, do you see how differently I summarize their dynamic with Mori? Not because I have any bias views, but because he treats them differently. If I can’t apply even one of the points I brought up that made Yosano’s situation abusive, then I can’t call it that. I’m already struggling to think of a way as to how it could be abusive because that’s all the information we have. It’s not great that Mori taught a child to think like he does, but he’s never conditioned him in a way I’d call abusive like he did to Yosano.

There was no way for him to use fear and intimidation on Dazai without being seen through. It’s not like Dazai had anything he gave worth except Oda and Ango, and he’s never used them as a threat on Dazai. He does not treat Dazai like a tool or ignore his feelings consistently, Dazai has no feelings to any terrible actions he does. He’s Amoral and could care less. He has no psychological control on Dazai, on the contrary, he’s treated as an equal and has not made any attempt to exact any power on him except a professional role as his boss.

Again, listen to me when I say this is not me saying that Dazai isn’t effected by his time in the PM or that Mori treated him like an equal suddenly means that being treated like an adult for the majority of your teenage years is not that bad. It’s incredibly fucked up, but you can’t use abuse to describe it. I didn’t add manipulation or “brought into an endangering environment” to the list because they are points emphasized way too often in the conversation of Dazai being abused. That’s not because I don’t think abuser can’t also do that, but they are tactics that can be used in various situations that aren’t abuse.

Don’t you think it’d be silly for me to say that Dazai is abusing the ADA because he manipulates them into playing their roles or that Kenji is being abused because he’s a kid in an agency that deals with murders and government jobs? Or even apply that logic to most other animes. That’s why I don’t take it seriously when all of a sudden, people are saying Kouyou and Chuuya are victims of Mori. They are absolutely victims of abuse, but Mori?? Just because he’s casually manipulative while also being someone who will use abuse if he thinks it’s necessary? Way to ignore he has genuine bonds with his 2 executives.

The point of what makes what he did to Yosano abusive is that it installed distress into her repetitively. Individually the actions he took weren't abusive by itself, it was the accumulation of what it made her feel. That's why Mori killing the boss in front of Dazai wasn't abusive, it's just fucked. If you were to claim that maybe Mori did something off-screen, then I would have to ask why because the only reason Mori resorted to using abuse was because he needed to snuff out her will and make her into a good tool.

That's the thing, Dazai has no will and is not the way he is because he dislikes the mafia or that Mori tore him down, he's always been that way before meeting him. Unfortunately, he's perfect for the mafia and Mori didn’t need to do crap in this situation. That’s why I genuinely could not say Mori was abusing Chuuya either in my last post.

And before it’s said, It is not a gotcha to say “well he’s a child in a violent environment, so by proxy he’s being abused”. I hope you realize that’s a totally different statement from mori abusing him and claims he’s also a victim of structural abuse Iike Kyouka was, because again, he was like this before the mafia and there would be no need to take action.

Anyway, I just needed to get this off of my chest. Anything I didn’t say was in the original overview. This was not that short, but I felt like ranting a bit. I just really had nothing to talk about regarding any potential abuse happening to Dazai by Mori and I hope this expresses this better? I think their relationship is pretty interesting if you don’t only focus on fan inflated angst that doesn’t exist. The next time I post, I hope it to be an actual analysis and not me ranting in disguise of an analytical breakdown.

There are much more interesting things people can say about the clear development Mori has went through in where he used Yosano like this to how he treats people in the Mafia, and that’s absolutely because of the partnership he had with Fukuzawa. Just, read my original overview okay? I like it better than this one.