#so that's why i'm distant. i don't think i'm a bad person for dealing with them in that way

[metastablephysicist]

every time i go home my family just wants me to sit in the living room silent while they watch tv. what are they getting out of this

[obsessedwrhys]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ AMERICAS SWEET-TARDs

ᯓ★ Homelander is forced to babysit you, the troublemaker of The Seven. Deadpool!reader does not like cooperating, dark humour, goofy stuff, typical cursing, gore, story is set on season 4. Reader is gn (uses they/them pronouns)!!

ᯓ★

How you found yourself in Vought's office is hard to explain. One thing you were bursting into the building of Amazon and the second you're here. You sat on the sofa, looking around as you whistled a tune to save yourself from the boredom.

"Why the fuck am I involved with this?" Your eyes perked up at the distant voices from outside the door.

"I'll explain when we're there"

Oh?

Being the nosy person you are, you got up and pressed the side of your ear against the door to get a better hearing of the conversation.

"Your plan won't come together if you don't settle the pieces in place, and this is your plan so you need to work with me here"

Suddenly it's quiet...

Did they leave?

Before you could react, the door opens and you ended up falling flat on your face. You tilt your head up to see it's Sister Sage and Homelander looking down at you. You chuckle.

"Sooo... you both look angry... did I do something?"

Hearing your question, Sister Sage scoffs at you.

"Did you?? You broke into Amazon's headquarters because they messed up your order. You even threatened to kill their CEO. Do you know how bad that is for the image?"

"I refuse to refer to a person named Jeff Bezo a CEO" You said when you got on your feet while dusting off your knees.

"Besides, I don't have an image. I'm pretty sure that I don't even have a face!!" Hearing your words, Sister Sage can't help but roll her eyes at you.

"Nonono seriously, I do not have a face. All this underneath the mask? It's like smashed up birthday cakes in there—"

"Okay I get it!!" She glares at you... then turning her attention to Homelander who's been listening attentively with his hands behind his back.

"You're babysitting Deadpool" She commanded like an order and he turns to look at her with his brows slightly raised.

"Me?" He said, clearly from his face he looks like he's about to be ticked off.

"Yes, I don't know what is it about them that makes it so hard for me to predict their moves" Just as she said that, she turns to look at you. You bat your eyes at her like a deer caught in headlights.

"Not to mention you're making a shit tons of problems for me to deal with here. You even had Lily be sent for therapy!!" She points at you and you held both your hands up in defeat by the mention of your agent.

"Hey now... All I did was cut off my arm and mailed it to Elon Musk. How else was I gonna give him the middle finger?" Your defense being enough to have her let out a sigh as she looks away.

"I don't care, just don't let them do anything stupid while I go help Firecracker with her script" She said to him and you both watches as she leaves. Once she's gone, he turns to look at you, a displeased expression on his face.

To your surprise, he was really actually TOTALLY doing what she's asking him to. You never saw him take orders like that before, let alone from a WOMAN.

"What was that?!" You exclaimed, both arms thrown towards the hallway where Sister Sage is seen to be walking down.

"What happened to Misogyny?! You're really just gonna let that happen???" You looked at him but he just rolls his eyes at you.

"Shut up. She's done more than you've ever did compared to your years here" He walks past you and ends up sitting down on the sofa. You don't say anything while you watch him go.

You're aware that your inability to die makes him bored of you but you didn't think he'd find you this boring.

Honestly it kinda hurts...

Because now you're gonna have to do more crazy shit to piss him off.

You cleared your throat as you forced up a smile.

"You know what, great talk. I'm gonna go be a good citizen now—"

"You step one foot out of this room and I'll lazer off two of your fucking legs"

"..."

With no idea how to respond to the threat. You stood at the door, looking down at your legs then back up at him... before taking a wide step out of the room.

He let's out an annoyed groan.

"Look I don't see why all of a sudden, you two, give the slightest shit about what I do. Has it ever occurred to you that this is my coping mechanism after YOU SLAUGHTERED NOIR—"

"Oh for christ sake, cry me a fucking river"

"You sure you really want that? 'Cause trust me I can cry the entire Nile river in this very room— and I can't promise you it'll be water" He looks at you and you look back at him, your body still standing a few feet away from the room.

"You done whining?" He asks, his expression showing not even the least of interest in your act. You let out an offended sound.

"Am I done whining?! Do you even know me?? That's LITERALLY all I do!!"

Clearly feeling hurt, you began to storm off. From the distant you could hear Homelander let out an exhausted sigh but you could care less right now.

Man if only you could go back to the first day where you two met.

Oh how traumatised he looked when he saw you cut your ears off in an attempt to escape Stillwell's welcoming speech.

Once you made it to the ground floor, you kicked the entrance door open with your chest slightly puffed out.

Who the hell does Ms. Know-It-All thinks she is to have any authority over you? You're the original member of The Seven for fuck sake.

"Holy shit it's Deadpool!!" A fan, seemingly a teenager points at you and you turned towards their group with your most charming smile.

"Hey now, try not to cream your pants... if you've even reached that stage yet..." Without even letting a second pass, the group stands around you as the one at the front takes out their phone for a selfie.

"Say Chimichangas!!" You said, holding up peace signs.

"Chimichangas!!"

⊹FLASH⊹

Once the picture is taken, the fans are quick to check the results while you scratched the itch on your butt. Once satisfied, they gave you their thanks before walking away.

At the same time you could hear the sound of Homelander approaching you from behind. You let out an annoyed groan before turning to face him but before you could even react, he grabs you roughly by the jaw.

"Years of your shit and you still won't learn your fucking place. If I say something. You do it. Understand?" He glares at you, his teeth gritted as his lips formed his signature psychotic grin.

You stare back and you could feel from his grip that you were being slightly lifted off the ground.

"Well excuse me, my liege. I must have missed the memo about being your personal slave. Is it too late to withdraw my contract?" He stares at you... before letting go of you while looking away out of despise.

"You're a cancer on this earth" He said as he's busy wiping his glove clean on his chest. You simply laugh at his remark.

"AH HAHaa hoo... well... you can always count on me to pop up unannounced" You shoot him a wink and decided to walk away, not really caring much of the consequences if you did.

Seeing you walk away like he's nothing, Homelander clenches his jaw out of irritation.

"You're always testing my patience (Y/N)" He said and you instantly stopped walking when you hear him addressing you by your real name.

"Uuugggh seriously? You ran out of tricks so now you're using my government name? You've gone old, John" You fold your arms as you turned to face him.

Noticing the angry look on his face, you are almost not surprised with what happens next.

⌁ZZZZ⌁

You look down, realising you've been lasered in half. Sounds of people nearby screaming was like background noise for you because you were too focused watching your upper half slide off your lower half... then eventually falling to the ground. You grunt from how annoying the situation has become.

"Ah great... now I'm half the person I used to be..." You partially joked as Homelander picked you effortlessly off the ground before taking you back into the Vought Tower.

"Can you at least tell me why you're taking away my rights as a republican?" You asked with your upper half being carried over his shoulder.

"You don't matter enough to know" He says.

After shooting several finger guns at the horrified employees passing by, you made it back to the office where all of your problems began. You yelp when Homelander just threw your body parts on the sofa, you turn to face him after your efforts to have yourself sit up straight.

"Jeez, you're about as exciting as a stale piece of bread" You said and he takes the sofa in front of you. For a couple of seconds he doesn't say anything but watch you with a stoic expression.

You interrupt the silence with a cough.

Then it's silent again.

.....

Okay this is too boring.

"Could you laser me again for entertainment—? Since you're such a buzz kill it can't be hard" You asked but he stays quiet, not saying anything to add fuel to your fire of words.

Once you realise what he's doing, you let out a long groan.

"Where's my Katana? I might as well just kill myse—"

"How are you not worried about all of this?" He interrupts you and your body freezes in place just as you're about to reach for your weapons.

"How is it that everyone's going through a fucking crisis and you're just... jacking off and watching Netflix series like somebody's drunk unc" He stares at you, slight glimpse of envy shown in his eyes. You scoff out of disbelief before laughing and wheezing uncontrollably.

"Well, unlike some people— UHMUHMyouUHMUHM , I happen to know how to unwind and have fun. Maybe you should try it sometime. Might loosen that stick up your ass" You shoot him a smile and you could feel your powers growing back the bottom half of your body.

He snarls at you.

"I'm the Homelander. I'm the strongest being ever. I don't have time to unwind"

"I don't know man what kind of strongest being brags about being the strongest?" You said with your back pressed against the cushion of the sofa, your hand just casually toying with your dagger.

"DON'T YOU—"

Just as he stands up to shout at you with his eyes now glowing red, the door to the office opens and you both turn to see it's Sister Sage. She looks at you, somewhat an unsurprised reaction to your torn off body parts.

"Great, at least you're not off running to harass another important client of ours"

"Are we done?" Homelander stands near her, clearly fed up with the time he's spent with you so far.

You groan but this time purposely making it known to everyone in the room.

"Great, now there's two people pinning against me. You know... it wouldn't hurt to tell me what your plan is. Maybe I can help!" You said, putting up your most charming smile.

Sister Sage stares at you... more like judging you but then she had a look of epiphany.

"Actually... hearing you say that... you could be useful... if we can get you to start a hate campaign towards the Starlighters. This could make my part with Firecracker so much easier. And besides! Incels LOVE you. You've practically obtained the based persona. You're the perfect mascot" She said, her eyes sparkling as she's clearly brainstorming now.

Homelander stands there, a plastic grin on his face while he has both his fists placed on his hips.

"What?" He says, his eery grin still on his face. You laugh as you crossed your... baby legs?

"You hear that Johnny? People LOOOVEEE me..." You bragged which instantly ticked him off

"Listen up, you walking STD. The ONLY thing that people love about you is your annoying, obnoxious, unfunny fuck of thinking you're gods gift to comedy"

"Well I did make that comedy christmas movie with Maeve. Rest in peace that poor soul, it's like I can still hear her in my nightmares" You said while pretending to wipe away a tear. He rolls his eyes at you and Sister Sage watches in almost amusement.

Her slight smile making Homelander whip his attention to her immediately.

"Are you fucking enjoying this right now?" He glares and she quickly covers it up with a serious look.

"I'll go prepare the venue" She simply said before walking away. You laugh as you notice Homelander still having that angry look on his face when watching Sister Sage walk away.

"Do you need a snickers little kid? You're not you when you're hunrgy"

⌁ZZZZ⌁

....

"You just had to push my fucking buttons" He said, the red glow in his eyes dimming after lasering a hole through your head. He stares at your corpse that was still for a moment before you flipped him off with both hands.

He rolls his eyes with a defeated sigh before walking out the office.

[The Next Day]

"GOOD MORNING AMERICA!! IT IS ME!! YOUR FAVOURITE SUPERHEROOOOO!!" The crowd goes wild as you make your appearance on stage. Your mic in hand and the other waving at the crowd.

Homelander who's also present at the campaign, watches from the backstage with a stoic expression.

"Now now now! I have been gathered here to talk about the Starlighters! Huh! Yeah?!" You began to shoot finger guns at the crowd when they started booing at the mention of the Starlighters.

"I know!! Terrible people!! Boooo!! Tomato tomato" You chuckled as you walk across the stage.

"I mean how could you cancel the one and only Homelander? He literally has the personality of a wet sock. Dude already has his own demons to battle!! As a matter of fact, what kind of person goes after a father?! It's not our fault your daddy left you Starlight!!" The crowd cheers at your words.

You turn to give Homelander a thumbs up but he just looks at you with an unimpressed look.

The moment your turn of the campaign was over and it was time for Firecracker to do her thing, you happily skipped on your feet to your next destination... but you were soon stopped when you saw Homelander standing in your way. Though it didn't seem to affect at all.

"You should stop frowning if you don't want your face to look like a nut sack" You pat him on the shoulder before walking past him. With your back turned to him, he couldn't help but touch his forehead a bit... then hurrying to catch up to you.

"Where are you going now?"

"Somewhere full of fun that's for sure" You turn the corner and walked a few more before making to your favourite shop.

You stand in front of it while he stands beside you, his expression unreadable.

"A... pet shop?" He was confused but you didn't bother to answer his confusion and decided to just head on in.

He shakes his head out of frustration before entering the place. He's completely frozen in place when he sees you already surrounding yourself with dogs. You laugh almost maniacally as you enjoyed the way the dogs were licking you so joyfully. That was until you notice the way Homelander is staring at you, scorned by your behaviour.

"What? You upset not even dogs love you? God I'm pretty sure not even flies want to come near you" You joked but his attention on you is pulled away when a dog began gnawing at his glove.

He scowls as he decides to move his hand out of the way but the dog ends up jumping on him to try to chew on the glove as if thinking it's a chew toy.

"Nonono— shoo! Go!" He said while sound of your laughter can be heard in the background.

Oh boy...

[The Next Next Day]

How you scored yourself an invite to the Met Gala was unbelievable. But since you were going, Homelander was left with no choice but to accompany you. As you'd expected it, he showed up in his suit. He really doesn't care about this stupid gathering when he has better things to do.

Better things than supervising your ass.

"Make waaaay for your majesty!!" You said loud enough to make your grand entrance known. Cameras all panning towards you in order to take pictures of your outfit.

You were definitely still wearing your iconic red suit but you had worn a sarape over it. As well as a sombrero and the fake moustache to finish the look. And don't forget the guitar now!! Literally nobody knows why you always do shit like this. The theme is literally 'The Garden Of Time'.

"BOOO!!! FUCK YOU DEADPOOL!! YOU'RE A MENACE TO SOCIETY!!" A starlighter said amongst the rest of the protestors. They must have shown up when they heard news of you and Homelander's appearance. You laughed as you waved your hand dismissively at them.

"Oh, come on, don't be so grumpy. I didn't ask to be born this awesome" You said when walking past their group with Homelander following behind you, both hands placed behind his back like he's your bodyguard.

[The Next Next Next Day]

Of course you'd get yourself arrested for doing some crazy shit during the after party. You whine to yourself as you were chained up in the cell. After all you're no regular prisoner but a supe, so they had to treat you like a monster.

Suddenly two armed guards approached your cell, you stared at the cold faces on their faces before inspecting your restraints.

"You know, I always wanted to try bondage, but I didn't think it would be with such an unenthusiastic audience" You said and soon one of them opened the cell to release you from your imprisonment.

You let out a satisfied grunt as you rubbed both of your sore wrists. Just as the two guards left, Homelander came into view. With the annoyed look on his face, you had expected him to at least be happy to see you.

"Why the long face?" You asked when exiting your cell.

"You caused a raid at the after party. What word of do not cause trouble do you not understand?"

"Ahh you people confuse me. Oh Deadpool please rile up the Starlighters! No Deadpool don't punch the Starlighter for spilling your drink on you! Pick a side goddamn it!" You said changing your voice each time when imitating a person.

Homelander rolls his eyes at your attitude.

"I can't wait for this to be over with" Homelander murmured and began walking away. You didn't wait for a second to pass before chasing after him.

"Hey now! I'm literally your only friend left! Maeve got blown into Christmas dust, Noir became jello, The Deep... eh... he's still pretty balls deep inside an octopus, A-Train is busy being in his redemption arc. And Starlight? To be honest I never considered her apart of our friend group" You whispered the last part as though you were gossiping, which you were in the case.

"Lucky me" Homelander said in the most monotone voice it was hard not to miss the absent of emotions in his eyes.

"You're welcome bestie!! #2 bestie though because I've just became friends with Espresso lady last night" You said and quickly took your stuff back from the officer to show the picture of you and Sabrina Carpenter on your phone.

"Ugh..." Clearly not interested, Homelander left you behind but you could care less as you ended up bragging it to the poor police officer just trying to do his job.

[The Next Next Next Next Next Day]

Of course you're a supe so 99% of your job is to have fun while the 1% of your job is saving lives. You laughed as you fought with the group of thieves inside the crowded casino. A feet away stood, you guessed it, Homelander watching with his arms crossed. It looked more like he wanted this to be over with than be concerned for the safety of the civilians.

"Man this place looks great! How did I never knew of this part of the city?" You said looking around the interior design after effortlessly dodging the man's knife which you simply twisted in his hands to stab it right through his chest.

"Can you get away? I'm trying to win here" An old granny spoke when pushing the dead corspe off the gambling machine.

"Oooo... what's this?" Your eyes went wide in awe as you watched her repetitively tap on the button. Years of your life and you never thought of such a divine invention.

"FUCK YOU!!" A thief jumped off a table and onto your back, his knife in hand as he continously stabbed you on the chest.

"Why is it always the bad guys with the lousy gambling habits? Seriously, I could be playing poker right now, and instead, I'm stuck here whooping your asses" You whipped out your gun and shot the man in the face, his grip on you loosening as he falls to the ground.

Clearly knowing they have no chance in winning, they quickly ran but you simply shot each of them from the back until the very last one. With the dead bodies splattered across the casino floor, you spin your pistol around to blow the hot smoke from it.

"They don't call me Deadpool for nothing. Get it? Cause' Dead... pooool" You laughed when motioning at the pool of dead bodies on the ground that some of the bystanders watching and hiding were scared of what to do at the moment.

They also don't call you the insane member of The Seven for nothing.

[The Next Next Next Next Next Next Day]

You yawned with your back pressed on the sofa while Homelander was pretty much glaring daggers down at you. That's because you decided to make yourself feel homey in his room. With how good the leather felt— how could you not?

"Hey Ryan!" You waved at Ryan who awkwardly stops at the mention of his name.

"Hey..." He waves back at you with a nervous smile before hurrying up the stairs.

Even with Homelander pretty much wanting to kill you right now, you still had the mood to stretch all over his sofa. You grunt at the bliss of the feeling. The feeling of relaxation.

"Maaaan! I haven't gotten to rest for the past few days. Makes me wish I was born a rock"

"Why are you even in my room?" He asks, his voice so piercing.

"Eh... Ever head of a sleepover? Don't you wanna put on face masks together and do each other's nails? We ARE besties aren't we? #2 bestie though since Espresso lady—"

"Enough! GET OUT!!" Suddenly he lifts you up and threw you out the window. Ignoring the sounds of screaming and car alarm blaring, he sat down on the sofa with his eyes closed.

Finally... some peace...

[The Next Next Next Next Next Next Next Last Day]

With the responsibility of needing to follow you around to make sure you didn't intervene with Sister Sage's plan, he was starting to lose his sanity, or what's left of it. He sits in his chair with the rest of the members. Apparently you had called for a meeting and you had to specify that it was an important one. About what? Nobody knows.

"Where is Deadpool?" Firecracker asked since everyone had been waiting for almost an hour now. But just as she said that, you arrived, multiple puppies in your arms.

"Hellooooo! Thank you for waiting for me!! I had to drop by the pet shop to adopt these little devils" You said as you handed one to each of them.

"Ooh puppies!" Black Noir said happily when accepting one from you.

"Can you hurry up?" Sister Sage spoke up with the puppy in her hand playfully biting her fingers.

"Yeah yeah don't rush me, don't you know how to respect your elders?" You stood at the center in front of them. Before starting you made sure to clear your throat very thoroughly. All expected you to be serious about what you had to say but suddenly you balled your fists together with your effort of making puppy dog eyes.

"Pleasepleaseplease let me have my freedom back!! I swear I'll be good!!" You begged and Homelander practically stared at you while not giving much care of the puppy gnawing at his glove.

"You know you wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't been constantly breaking all the ties we have with other companies!! Do you know how helpful it could have been if you didn't pull that stunt at the met gala's after party?" Sister Sage said, expressing her frustration towards you but you waved her off dismissively.

"Okay but seriously guys, I appreciate the whole 'let's babysit Deadpool since they're a walking disaster' routine, but it's getting a bit old. I mean, come on, I've been doing the whole vigilante thing for a while now and nobody ever had a problem with it! I was even the host for MTV 2020!!"

"Which they banned you after because you exposed every celebrity there!"

"Not my fault that Ryan Reynolds had a thing for me"

You sighed.

"I'm starting to think you hate me Sage"

"Oh wow I wonder why"

"Nonono it's because I'm so smart that you can't even predict my next moves!!"

"Or maybe, you make the dumbest decisions that even I can't predict them!!"

"Oh please! I'm the Picasso of poor decisions! It's an art form! The only thing predictable is my ability to be unpredictably unpredictable"

Suddenly all attention turned to Homelander the second he let out an annoyed sound.

"... you know what? Fine. Go do your own thing. Bother someone else who gives a shit" He said waving you off and you jumped happily in the air. At the same time, Sister Sage looked at him in disbelief.

"You know they're gonna get in the way of our plans right?"

"Do you wanna babysit them?" He asks which made her stay quiet and simply lean back into her chair.

All of them watched as you happily skipped your way out of the meeting room. As expected, for the next few days you created more problems for everyone to deal with, first you created a line of Deadpool-themed lingerie which the manufacturing had to be shut down because the company you worked with were selling it using fake products, it was so bad that it had influencers calling you out for it.

Then there was the thing where you hired a bunch of hackers to loop baby shark on every TV in America. That nearly got you arrested but Vought being Vought, they managed to bail you out. If it didn't get worse, you also went ahead spraying neon red on the Statue of Liberty and for some reason replaced all billboards with ads featuring a fake upcoming movie called "Deadpool: The Musical".

During those same days, you were away most of the time so when you came back to Vought to find Homelander in his wrecked up room. You decided to sit down beside him on the floor. Everything was destroyed, even the TV screen was smashed but yet it was still playing. You could care less on why he did it. All you cared about was your hungry stomach right now.

"Chimichangas?" You said, offering him one. He looks at you with a blank expression... before taking one and eating it himself.

Eventually you two enjoyed the food peacefully while you leaned your head on his shoulder, a smile on your face and a scowl on his.

[twstowo]

Oya oya, i just need angst so... Can I ask for the housewardens that love a gn!reader but the reader don't love them back ? (One-sided love, my beloved)

♡︎Bestie if you want angst, you came to the right person

♡︎Also, I'm separating this into various posts, I hope that's fine.

[Here] ☆ [Azul and Kalim] ☆ [Vil and Idia] ☆ [Malleus]

⋆⋅☆Riddle

Oh, Riddle was so down bad. He tried his best to remain composed when around you, but how could he even do that? As soon as his eyes landed on your figure, he turned into a blushing mess. All he ever wanted was to hold your soft hands, for it to just be the two of you, for him to stare at your face while you smiled softly at him.

He hates to admit it, but he keeps on daydreaming about you. It annoys him so badly since he wants to focus on his studies, but your face keeps showing up in his mind. By that point, he knew that he had to do something about his feelings, he had to confess.

He had planned everything to the last detail, the way that he would confess to you would need to be perfect, and no mistakes could be made. Trey had watched him go through a list of infinite details that he had written down, lose sleep over making a mistake and he even caught Riddle once daydreaming in the middle of his studies. And as his friend, he had to set in and give him a push towards you.

So there he stood, Riddle dressed up, roses in hand, hair brushed back waiting for you to arrive at the place he had told you to come. He had sent you a message to meet him for tea. The two of you would be surrounded by the cute hedgehogs, as he would give you the bouquet with a shy smile, and by mustering all his courage he would look you in the eyes, determination coming back and he would tell you how much he loved you.

“Y/N for the past few days you are the only thing that has ever crossed my mind, I…I love you.”

“I’m sorry…” he hears those words come out of your mouth and he feels his heart stopping, he tries to speak but the words are still repeating inside his head. You were sorry that you didn’t like him back? Even while rejecting him you were being nice. He tries to remain composed even when you try to return the flowers to him he tells you to keep them, they are yours. But it’s not just the flowers that belong to you it’s also his heart, even after you broke it.

He will be a little distant in the next few weeks, but he could never be rude to you. You had every right to not like him back, and he respects that. Even after months have passed, he thinks about you from time to time. He thinks about what things could have been if you had loved him back, and he questions if he will ever get over you, for you made him feel a way that he had never felt before.

⋆⋅☆Leona

Leona would never admit it, but lately, your company has been making him feel weird, and he isn’t dumb to notice what types of feelings are tugging at his heart. He has fallen for you, and hard, even if he would rather never admit it. He tries to remain as uninterested as ever, but how can he do that when you keep bringing him his lunch to the botanical garden, when you lay down next to him and start talking about your day, when you always seem to show up next to him no matter how much he is trying to avoid you?

He gives up trying to run away from you, but his pride is way too big to confess, so he just starts acting as if the two of you were together. He strangely becomes more affectionate, in his ways, and it takes you a while to realize this strange change of behavior. So, as any sane person would, you ask him why he was acting like that.

“I thought it was clear, aren’t we dating?”

“What are you talking about? I don’t like you that way…” he has this bewildered expression. How come you don’t like him that way? You were always so nice and kind to him. Are you like that to everyone? He is so pissed, beyond pissed. Not even Ruggie can deal with his rude ass. He skips more classes, and if he ever spots you, he gets this annoyed expression that scares everyone around him.

He eventually romantically gets over you but even after months, he holds a grudge against you. He really did feel a connection with you, something he had never felt with anyone else. You made him feel as if he could lower his guard down; you made him feel important as if he was your first option. But clearly, he was wrong about you. He was just another person in your life.

[sourbinnie]

☆ hit me where it hurts.mp3 ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> angst ¡! ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> maknae line!skz x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> sometimes things shouldn't be said (or thought) but the words slip right out of his mouth at the worst time. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> arguments ; the boys being a little mean but instantly regretting it ; cursing ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!

hyung line

a/n: here's the maknae line version! we'll see if i can write a second part but i'm debating where i should double down on the sadness or make them have a happy ending

jisung ✉

you didn't know what shocked you more, his calm nature in argument isn't something odd but he never let it get out of hand. today he did unfortunately and it started a screaming match in your shared apartment about god knows what. like a competition to see who could hurt the other worse and guess who won? yeah not you, you won the tears that couldn't stop streaming as you remembered.

"fuck (y/n) were you always this bad? they didn't make my life this difficult." and if you were making his life so difficult then you were gonna walk out of the scene of the crime. "no, i didn't mean that. i don't know what came over me, it was just the heat of the moment. please don't fucking leave-."

"so you can keep on screaming at me? yeah no thanks, i'm going." it wasn't even the screaming that got to you, jisung could be loud and you never cared. but it felt like poison the fact that he compared you to someone he himself broke up with. "just stay away from me jisung, i can't even look at you right now."

"don't say that. i know i fucked up but i can fix it, i promise i can fix it!" he insisted but you couldn't believe a single word coming out of his mouth as you grabbed your things to leave. "baby please, i know it wasn't okay but i can't bear seeing you like this, at least promise me you'll come back?"

"i'm gonna be honest. i don't know if i will." you said and the last thing you remembered was the sadness on his face turning into pure horror and fear that you were gonna leave him forever. you couldn't even make a decision right now as you had so much in your own mind that it was getting worse & worse. as much as you loved jisung, people say things because they truly mean them right? and maybe you two were not meant for each other as you thought you were.

felix ✉

getting ignored by felix meant something was wrong and that you were in deep trouble. it got you thinking about your previous fights with him and how you handled them. you usually talked things out and told each other what you felt when he got like this but right now it seemed impossible as he dodged you every time you got close to him even though he was the one who invited you a few days ago to the dorms tonight. the tension could be caught with a knife and all the boys felt it so most of them decided to leave before it got bad except chan who looked at you two carefully and tried to figure out what was going on.

"lix can you talk to me? i don't know what's going on or why you're so distant but i would like to work things out." you said as you got close to him and sat down but he just pretended like you weren't there. it felt so weird to be so distant with the person you love the most and it deeply hurt but nothing scarred like what he said.

"can't you get a hint? i don't wanna be near you right now. god i don't know why i broke up with them, they're not awfully clingy like you are." he muttered as he tried to walk away but i guess it hit him what he said and turned around to look at me. i couldn't even cry, i was just going through my mind trying to handle everything he said at once and figuring out that i should probably leave. "baby no i'm sorry, please at least stay here so you don't have to walk in the middle of the night."

"there's no way i'm staying close to you today." even if it hurt him, nothing was gonna be as bad as what he said to me and he would have to deal with that. "please let me go felix."

"felix, i'll walk them home and we'll talk when i get back." chan said and i could see the hesitation on felix's eyes but he eventually did let go of my wrist and i could finally leave. i couldn't help the tears that were flowing as i got out of the building and tried not to make a fool of myself in front of chan but he was like an older brother to me so as soon as he offered me a hug, i gave in and let go.

seungmin ✉

you weren't sure how to handle things with seungmin when he got in a bad mood. it's like you two didn't even know where to begin discussing the things that made you both upset and talking it out like normal people. it always led to a fight about who’s right and who's wrong and not about how you two exactly felt. it also led to him using some insecurities against you this time which you were not having it. 

"listen (y/n) i don't know what you want from me but i'm done arguing." he said and you sighed, you were glad that everything was finally over between the two of you. "if i knew it was gonna lead to this, i would've stayed with them and never asked you out."

felt like a cold bucket of water dropped on you and it made you want to leave immediately but you froze. trying to process if it was real that your seungmin felt that way about you and your relationship, meaningless like it was nothing at all. it took all the strength left in you to get up and head to your shared bedroom to lock the door and not say anything else. as soon as realization hit him and what he said, he was on the other side knocking.

"i'm sorry i don't know what came over me. i promise i'll be better, please let me see you? i can't stand the fact that you're alone and suffering right now." he said but the sobs were uncontrollable and choking up on tears was so disheartening. "baby please, i won't leave this side until we talk it out. (y/n) i love you..."

"i love you too but please leave me alone for now will you?" you said even if all you wanted was a hug right now, you weren't sure you wanted one from someone who felt that way towards you. you could hear the footsteps getting further and further as you held onto your knees tight and buried your head, trying to make the tears stop.

jeongin ✉

it felt so weird to argue with jeongin. it was one of his first relationships and he still didn't know how to express himself without hurting you and sometimes he didn't know how to handle the tears that came after the hurtful words. he felt like crying himself most of the time he saw you cry and it wasn't easy to calm each other down if both of you were in a bad state emotionally. this time he did let the anger get the best of him and he dived right into the meaningless words that you would hear in a fight, well they were meaningless to him but to you? not so much.

"jesus fucking christ (y/n). i don't know what you want from me anymore, you're making such a fuss and i know they would never do this shit. i don't know why i'm with you." it was too late to regret anything as he looked at you, with shock in his eyes that he even muttered that. 

"if you feel that way then i should get going." you said as you bit your lip and tried to hold back from the break down that you were about to have. "i don't know what i expected but for you to talk to me that way? i didn't see it coming."

"(y/n) love, i'm so fucking sorry. please don't leave me." he said and yes the tears were flowing from his eyes and yes you did feel horrible about it seeing him like this. but it was his fault and to grow from it he would have to deal with hurting you as you walked in the direction of the front door and he chased after you. "please, i'll do anything but please don't go."

"if you wanna do something then understand i need some time away from you right now. goodbye jeongin, we'll talk later." you said and closed the door before he could follow you. a sigh and a tear came out of your body as you looked up and hoped that you two could mend things but it was all up to you at this point. and it hurt to know that he felt in a way you would've never even dream of feeling.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: "You know what your traumatic backstory calls for?"

Vaggie: "Hugs?"

Charlie: "THERAPY!"

Vaggie: "Charlie, I don't need-"

Charlie: "Oh YOU don't need therapy? Really? Really."

Vaggie: "..... I'm perfectly functional. Also, it's my trauma."

Charlie: "And is this OUR loving relationship?"

Vaggie: "Of course it-"

Charlie: "The one I'm planning on spending the rest of my life in? Trauma included?"

Vaggie: "I- if, if you want to-?"

Charlie: "Just like how YOU'VE spent three years helping ME with the whole 'wow my family fell apart soooo fast let me cope by latching onto the dream of my disappeared mom while pretending it's totally fine I somehow feel even MORE distant from my dad who lives only a ten minute walk across town' thing? Making 'help charlie!' into your whole Reason for Being?!"

Vaggie: "Hold on, I wasn't in the best headspace when that slipped out-"

Charlie: "OBJECTION! Clear admission of truth!"

Vaggie: "-fuck."

Charlie: "And did you let me be there for you then, when your head was in a bad place? Or did you pull a 'I want to be alone' card?"

Vaggie: "I just needed- I didn't want to say anything else stupid."

Charlie: "Oh so you didn't wanna be dramatic about it, huh?"

Vaggie: "Yes- NO!"

Charlie: "Like how I can be dramatic?"

Vaggie: "It's not the same-"

Charlie: "Do YOU like being there for ME when I'M in a really bad no good and sad headspace?"

Vaggie: "You know I do."

Charlie: "Even when I go sit in a corner my own because I still can't believe there's someone in my life who'll want to come looking for me- who I don't need to apologize for being sad or 'dramatic' around- and who says she's HAPPY to be worrying about me?"

Vaggie: "Sweetie I am happy to worry about you."

Charlie: "Ah-HA! But I don't get to do that for you! YOU want me to be sad around YOU-"

Charlie: "Wait that sounds weird, uhh- oh whatever-"

Charlie: "Point is, I don't get to see YOU being sad around ME! And no, anger don't count! You like being grumpy! Grumpy is active! It feels productive and that's why you hate feeling SAD!"

Vaggie: "You just said you hide it from me too. Even after three years of being together."

Charlie: "Oh no really? Does that bother you???"

Vaggie: "It worries me!"

Charlie: "Okay then!!! EXACTLY! We both need therapy."

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: "That's fair."

Charlie: (preening) "Thank you."

Vaggie: “How the fuck did you not win that case up in Heaven.”

Charlie: "Angels are jerks and their minds are hard to change. Not my angel though. Mine is great~"

Vaggie: "Hold that thought until after I've asked this one question, sweetie."

Charlie: "Ask away!"

Vaggie: "How do we do therapy."

Charlie: "....."

Charlie: "H-"

Vaggie: "Without using Husk and alcohol. We are not paying him enough to deal with my angelic shit."

Charlie: "We could give him a raise- how much do you think-?"

Vaggie: "Not even if we gave him the hotel, babe."

Charlie: "Oh."

Vaggie: "So. What does sober therapy look like?"

Charlie: "Hmm....."

Charlie: "......."

Charlie: "Next question."

Vaggie: "Do you wanna just start off with a hug."

Charlie: "I want to pat myself on the back for having such a smart, supportive girlfriend- but you'll have do to it for me instead. While we hug."

-phone call time-

Carmilla: "You have five seconds before I hang up. Talk.

Charlie: "Carmilla, hi!!! It's about Vaggie-"

Carmilla: "No."

Charlie: "Oh ok! I just thought-"

Carmilla: "No."

Charlie: "-you seemed to really care about her, and maybe see a bit of yourself in her, maaaaybe you'd have some tips on-"

Carmilla: "No. Take her to Rosie's. Go with her and STAY with her."

Charlie: "Rosie- OF COURSE Rosie's! Right! I will!!"

Carmilla: "Don't take it personally when she tries to escape."

Charlie: "When she whats?

Carmilla: "The brooding silently in a chair and refusing to talk will also pass. Give her space. But don't leave her."

Charlie: "No no I won't, but why would she try esc-"

Charlie: "Oh Vaggie! No, I'm just on the phone with Carmilla-"

Vaggie: "WHAT."

Charlie: "-we're talking therapy ideas for you! And-"

Vaggie: (muffled swearing)

Charlie: "-she says Rosie's might be a good idea! You know, like how Alastor took there so I could talk everything out with someone finally, well I guess and also to get a cannibal army, but Rosie helping me with the you issue by laying my heart bare to her was the main good thing from all that, so-"

Charlie: "-VAGGIE GET BACK HERE!"

Carmilla: "Condolences on her having wings again. Good luck"

Carmilla: (hangs up to the sound of frantic flapping and yelling)

Zestial: "...."

Zestial: "...toss'ed to the very wolves... truly, that was wretched of thee."

Carmilla: "I owe them nothing."

Zestial: "And what of thyself?"

Carmilla: "Why, were my disinterested actions of a moment ago not self-serving enough for you?"

Zestial: "Thou art denying much in thine distance from her."

Carmilla: "I already have two daughters-"

Zestial: "As thou sayst."

Carmilla: "You are not my therapist, Zestial."

Zestial: "Nay- would that thou should'st yet find one, old friend."

Carmilla: "Be quiet."

Zestial: "Shan't~"

[delusinalandpassionate]

SUUUPER long ask sorry.

What I find so fascinating is that, everyone, whether dante or her family, display her as this “prideful,” and having this “self importance,” that puts her above everyone. But, every memory we get of her is undoubtedly soft or full of, usually, love. You could say this is because of her natural softness with Quixote, but, she’s shown to be this way with Bari, too! She’s shown to pity the bear and even Dante later on. Faust informs Dante her level of agression then was because of Cassetti’s taboo and not a general read of her character. Even in Barber’s and Priest’s narration, she does enforce them, yes, but it’s always never something “prideful,” whispering at Priest he missed a line, and apparently watching over Barber, which leans into OUR Don’s and Sancho’s habit of acting like she.. isn’t apart of the world. (Giving her Gubo makes so much sense, on several levels, but especially Dongbaek accusing Gubo of acting like they aren’t one of them. Dongrang’s “you don’t need to keep acting like a guest.”) The sinners affirming she never, ever talks about herself, much rather sharing and wanting to hear OTHER’S stories. She’s always felt distant from the sinners, even more so than those “emotionally closed off,” like Outis, and that’s because she doesn’t let anyone in. And it seems she’s always been that way. I mean, she was willing to completely erase who she was in efforts to live someone else’s story. Even meta wise— she isn’t even the protagonist! She’s the person who watches the hijinks occur. She does not own this identity or story, she’s manually removed all her agency and autonomy. Something she ultimately did because of loathe of herself and love of someone else. Dante doesn’t want Don to face herself because it means they’d have to face her. Despite, how frail she seems, how even warm I’d say Vergilius sounds making the deal with her, her talk about “watching over Hong Lu,” with the implication that to just be there and try, and how that’s being taken from her, even now, because no one can seem to accept her, but Quixote. She can’t even accept herself. She’s someone who longed for family and love, but the entire world seems sure on seeing her as something prideful, evil, terrifying— and even as a human she was a one dimensional annoyance at worst. I wonder if she truly loved her family, the sinners, but was still unable to convey that? Did they read her wrong? Was she always prideful and distant? Or was she scared of not being loved? Is she truly that terrifying or has she learned to harden herself up to keep things in order for her helpless master? Has she taken up the burden of being the “bad guy,” to ensure he gets all he wants on a silver platter? The dichotomy of love in their relationship and what is ultimately terrifying, a lack of autonomy to even live her own life, be his ideal instead, simply on pretense he’s the only person to ever love her. Someone she cannot deny, quite literally, all for him.

THANK YOU FOR LONG ASK, I'm glad to see people to be that passionate about Don!

And I like the idea of her being less prideful but rather distant, which creates a feeling of arrogance. And I agree that most of her memories are full of love, just I think all of her love reserved to Don Quixote.

About Bari, she seems rather suspicious about her and flashbacks and agrees to her company only because of Don Quixote. You could argue using last Sanson play, but we still don't have a confirmation about who we're spoken here yet.

About Bear...I don't think it was piety, more like pragmatism.

About Dante... yeah, she looked at them as they were pietful it makes me wonder why...

About Cassati...well, . She's honoring this taboo, but this taboo is rooted in hierarchy in which she is much higher than Cassati, and if she believes in importance of taboo, she should believe in the importance of her status. We can compare it's to Don Quixote, who is letting Sancho ignore lines between their statuses while she calls Cassatti all insults possible.

And when I made point about her correcting Barber and Priest, it was not about pride, but more about their discomfort around her.

But I adore the idea of Sancho being an observer and the idea that she does not fit in and that she's not even trying. I thought a lot about Gubo's identity as a traitor in this story and how it paints Don, but him being never "one of them" now makes a lot of sense.

And with that, I think Sancho's problem is not even with thinking that everyone is unimportant. It's more like there is no one as important as Don Quixote, and that includes herself.

In a way, Don Quixote made a great thing becoming her family, but at the same time, he became the center of life, even if by accident.

Maybe she became a "bad guy" to make sure his dream will happen. But it still centering one person and his happiness while ignoring pleas of others. Sancho may not be purposely cruel, but she was ruthless archiving whatever Don Quixote wanted.

And that's why I think that her life as "Don" gave her a new perspective. Or understanding. About Don Quxote and most important about herself. She had a chance to have a life that wasn't centered around one person(she just didn't remember it was), learn other kinds of joy, and create relationships.

It's interesting that Dulcinea said that Sancho's eyes once were bright and starry until cold disinterest settled in them. And that means that from the beginning, there was something in her that could be Don Quixote.

[thewalrusespublicist]

Stress Testing Song Lyric Theories: Real Love/Real Life/Stepping Out Demo Meta

What's this? Another long-ass essay analysis on a piece of John Lennon's media that keeps getting taken down by the Ono Lennon estate? More likely than you think (especially when you're this autistic).

As a history obsessive and a grizzled, mood ruining, eternal hater/skeptic, I have misgivings when people in the Beatles fandom look at song lyrics only through one specific lens/focus as it can lead to a myopic and potentially inaccurate take of the subject matter. This I've noticed is particularly bad with older Beatles fans looking at John's work through just the Yoko lens and other fans looking at it just through the Paul lens. (This ain't a lecture btw, I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to doing both.)

When dealing with contentious things like interpreting feelings and songs (nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with that combo lol), it's important to get at least the facts we do have straight, which is why I wanted to go through some of the fandom's darlings and take them apart to see if the theories about them actually hold up to scrutiny.

To start out, I'd thought I go big with having a proper look at John Lennon's 1977 real life/real love/stepping out demo. I wanted to tackle this one as this is one of only three unconfirmed songs in John's catalogue that I was 100 % convinced was about Paul. As I've mentioned before, this was to me the smoking gun to end all smoking guns, my golden calf, Real Love demo my beloved etc. Got to say, I'm glad I did, as the outcome was a lot more complicated than expected! So let's get to the demo:

Analyzing songs for a fixed specific meaning or one coherent subject is always ... challenging. Songs are a medium to express both real or imagined concepts, feelings and events. You can't know everything about the artist's thought process and therefore their work, especially in regards to what is fictional/metaphorical and what is real (pun intended). What's special about this demo though (and what makes it easier to work with) is the fact that its less of a fully crafted song and more one long stream of consciousness ramble. The line between subject and artist is dissolved as we sit at the piano with John as he tells us about his miserable morning:

Woke up this morning. Blues around my head. Ain't no need to ask the reason why. Went to the kitchen. Lit a cigarette. Blew the smoke rings in the sky. Just got to let it go. Just got to let it go.

The song (or ramble) carries on like that for a while as we get to John reading the newspaper (keep this bit in mind, it might come in handy later):

Picked up the paper. Read the Daily News. Nothing doing anyway. Same old BS. Doot doot doot doot cruise. Nah nah nah nah now. Let go. Let it go. (laughs) No, what am I doing? Why don't you let it go? Why don't you let it go? Mm, it's real life. It's real. Yes, it's real life. It's real. Let go. Let the mighty river flow. Let go. Let go. Oh, rock your balls, you...

As we can see in the stanza above, John is bored and clearly agitated/embarrassed about something.

Then more stanzas about boredom and a lack of fulfilment wherever he goes and then we get to the stanza that everyone here is probably familiar with:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats)

If it don't feel right, don't do it. If it don't look right, look right through it If it don't feel right, don't do it. Just call him/them on the phone.

People go insane over this stanza and for good reason. It's a confession of lost intimacy with someone who:

Is clearly important to John

He is now more distant with

Is connected to babies or having a baby

Is connected to a farm

The mystery of course is, who is this person? Realistically, there is only really three people we know of who even somewhat fit these specific categories. Let's go through them:

First potential subject: Yoko!

This one has some legs. More than I was expecting. At this point John and her:

Do have an infant

Are purchasing a farm together (I think the sale went through 1978 so they should be talking about that in 1977.)

Distant from one another (their marriage was rocky throughout the mid-late 70s)

With Yoko as the subject, the stanza could be a reflection of their lost intimacy:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. - self explanatory, the yesterday here has no significance but to signify nostalgia. The dream in this circumstance could be the dream of their relationship, The Ballad of John and Yoko.

And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) - A long time has passed, they have a kid now. Now this takes some manipulation but is the farm 'the baby on the way'? The new shared project that will take further attention away from their marriage? The laugh might indicate a sense of irony there, a bitter joke. Yoko and John have struggled to conceive, Sean is very likely their only shared child. Is the laugh brought about by a sad reflection of the farm replacing the gap of children?

Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats) - we are in this marriage but we are alone OR why are we alone? Their marriage was a cocoon, all-consuming but stifling. Maybe both of them needed air from time-to-time.

So this stanza alone works quite well to be about Yoko, if you go quite metaphorical. It works somewhat with the beginning as well, he's down and depressed, over the state of their marriage? He needs to let something go, an argument? Is he waking up to the fact that reality isn't this marriage fantasy?

What it doesen't straightforwardly answer is why he is SO mad/embarrassed/avoidant of these feelings? In the records we have of their conversations, John is usually VERY vocal about not seeing Yoko enough. So why is he holding feelings of distance back and wanting to forget about it?

It also doesn't answer why the person he is calling in the following stanza on the phone is a him/them. (It's hard to hear at a normal volume. but if you are an insane person and blast your headphones to an ear bleeding level, it sounds a lot more like him than them. For the sake of caution and covering all bases however, let's consider both for now.) Why would he have reticence calling his wife or refer to her as them? In all accounts of that time period he has no issue calling her or hell, just going and talking to HIS WIFE who lives in their shared flat. It's a weird, dangling thread. The only explanation that would fit the stanza being inspired by Yoko is John realising he needs connection outside of his fading marriage. (I want to raise and partially dismiss here that it could just be a separate train of thought, a reminder to himself that he has to call someone for a chore/service. Yoko handled most of the admin stuff so its not like he's doing any of that and he isn't doing anything professionally so its unlikely to be a random call).

Second potential subject: May Pang!

Now I almost dismissed May outright but girl you know what, good for you, this might actually be about you! Our dear May is:

Important to John (she's also in the diaries and he dreams about sleeping with her a lot, he is REALLY into May)

Distant now he and Yoko are back together

But not baby nor farm adjacent

Taking May in mind, there is a certain logic there. John allegedly does dream about May and sleeping with May so whilst the Yesterday has no significance, the dreaming would. She was his romantic partner and still into her so holding in arms makes sense. The next lines also make sense if you follow the same logic as Yoko's but more distanced. Time has passed and his circumstances with the baby and the farm is now massively different to before, maybe he wants an escape from responsibility represented by May?

With May in mind, the stanzas work a lot better than it does Yoko. It's real life, he can't be with her and he's got to let it go. But he can't so he wants to call 'them'. Or maybe he's had a fight with Yoko and is being reminded of May in his agitation.

So May works from an emotional standpoint and as long as that last line is really 'them'. (It begs the question of why not 'her' but anyway.) As it stands, May seems like a stronger candidate than Yoko in terms of the songs emotional logic.

So currently, May is in the lead but wait ... there's another contender...

Third potential subject: Paul!

Now this one is I think the fan favourite opinion on this site for this song and there's merit to it. Paul is:

Important to John

Relationship now distant (but not apparently distant enough for John to ALLEGEDLY stop dedicating pagggess to him in his diary/meet for dinner when they are in town/visit for Christmas).

Doesen't have a baby but he is expecting one with Linda.

John's got problems and those problems are usually projected onto a Paul shaped target. But beneath all that, was there any softness left, any tenderness?

Well yes, its fucking John Lennon, the man was a giant marshmallow with knives sticking out.

But in this song? Let's look at the stanza with Paul in mind:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. - in the first line we have the 'oh shit Paul feelings incoming' klaxon of yesterday. Of course, John is allowed to reference yesterday without it necessarily being about Paul, but it's something to make a note of. Another is the dreaming. John often associates the Beatles/Paul with a dream, a fantasy, an illusion. Was his time with Paul/their closeness a dream? He is also ALLEGEDLY dreaming of Paul a lot during this period. The distance implied by yesterday also suggests a time period more applicable to Paul than Yoko/May.

The holding in arms with Paul in mind is ... well. There's no two ways about it it's unusual to think about a best friend like that. Taking out romantic implications for the sake of argument, firstly it doesn't have to be literal (just the idea of closeness) and second of all it would be like the fiftieth weirdest thing John said about Paul John has expressed similar sentiments of enjoying physical touch and closeness with a close mate.

And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) - also needs manipulation here but still works. John's got a baby with his wife now Paul has a baby on the way with his wife yet their lives are completely separate. John could also be talking in extremes, Paul has just had a kid now another (he exaggerates the number of kids Paul has often). Paul lives on a farm, which John has been very focused on before (stttreeetch but maybe this is a point of comparison, they are still mirroring each other). The laugh here in this reading is a acknowledgement of vulnerability of the feelings he's singing about.

Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats) - harder to reconcile with Paul but could be John's projection hours, I am feeling alone therefore Paul must ALSO be feeling alone (unagi or some shit).

So the stanza also works well if we take it to be about Paul. I've said this in a prev post but being about Paul also makes the rest of the song more coherent. John is upset about something he is trying to let go of but is struggling with, he references being everywhere yet remains depressed and troubled by something in his past. All of this fits with John's relationship with Paul. With Paul in mind, the call line at the end makes a lot more sense. He wants to call him, or them, his friends who he hasn't spoken to and misses.

The big supporting evidence for this one is of course the newspaper articles for the Daily News found by a user on here who has sadly deactivated.

To be honest, these are a bit of a holy grail find. With the newspaper articles in mind, a coherent, nearly perfect narrative falls neatly into place. John has woken up in a bad mood and upon reading the paper he sinks into a worse mood as he reflects back on his old time with the Beatles. He feels the need to let it go yet is resentful and embarrassed about doing so. The articles also explain a few oddities of the song, namely why John just comes out with the word cruise just after discussing the paper:

Picked up the paper. Read the Daily News. Nothing doing anyway. Same old BS. Doot doot doot doot cruise. Nah nah nah nah now. Let go. Let it go. (laughs) No, what am I doing? Why don't you let it go? Why don't you let it go? Mm, it's real life.

If we consider that the newspaper contained the article about cruises, it makes sense for it to come out as a subconscious/conscious association (have checked btw as the audio isn't clear and it's absolutely cruise, it's much clearer when you decide your hearing is worth less than a parasocial fascination with a dead dude). The newspaper containing info about Paul also illuminates the potential reference to Paul's song 'Suicide' in the Nothing Doing line and why the stanza seems to go off the rails once the newspaper is mentioned. It's all BS apparently (classic John defense mechanism in play) but once it gets brought up, John laughs, starts questioning what he's even doing writing this song and then gets angry with himself, cutting off the first half of the take. The derailment there could be he can't believe he's singing about the news OR that the newspaper contains the emotional point he's trying to get away from. He then does a few pithy lines about the beach and mountain before circling to actually what's bothering him, the lost intimacy with the person who has a baby on the way and renewed desire to call him. The way it all fits and slots together is borderline unreal.

Buuuuttt ... there's a problem. No matter how fitting, how magically perfect, how right-seeming a theory is, it doesen't necessarily mean it's true. For it to work fully, John would have had to have recorded this on one (or two at a stretch) specific day(s) out of the whole year. It could still be about Paul of course if you take out the newspaper article element, however there are other timing issues as well. According to Dogget, this demo should date to a recording collection from late 1977 when John was going through a depressive episode, the article is dated to early 1977. Shortening the window further, the Ono-Lennon's took a trip to Japan from Summer to October and the Mccartney's third child was born in September, meaning that if it is from late 1977, its unlikely to be about Paul.

Now Dogget could very well be mistaken and this demo is from earlier on in the year. From research, the only thing I could find about John and Yoko in February 1977 is them going to visit a friend a few hours away on the 16th, so from the limited evidence I have at my disposal, there isnt a reason why it couldn't have been produced in February (if anyone has any info on early 1977 please let me know and I'll amend accordingly). Additionally, John's moods were mercurial and his mental health never great, it wouldn't surprise me if he had bad days pretty consistently throughout the year.

To wrap this whole ass dissertation up, from the context within the song, context of the major players in his life, the emotional logic of the song and the repeated references in addition to the newspaper clipping, I am 70% confident that this demo is about Paul and that Dogget was incorrect in his attribution of the demo to late 1977. I believe instead that this was recorded in early 1977, specifically on February 9th 1977 as indicated in the newspaper article. However, I am more than willing to concede that I am working on less information than I would like about John's movements at that time in early 1977 and why Dogget placed all of these in the late 1977 grouping (I think just vibes but wasn't sure, the google books page had that bit blocked lol). Therefore I think that a less likely but still plausible second option is that the subject is May or even Yoko in late 1977 during John's extended period of depression.

Power to all of you who made it this far, let me know if you want me to take a hatchet to any more fandom darlings or if you have any thing to add! Also remember this is only my analysis so feel free to disagree (but like in a fun friendly way pls, it isn't that serious)!

[orphiclovers]

ahem ahem. What if sp x 1863 hsy!? Can you see the toxic vision!?

I want to so BAD you have no IDEA. SP and 1863!HSY are my favourite characters, yoohan is my favourite ship, this should be perfectly tailored to me, right? And YET, I've never gotten farther than "someone should make this a thing...."

But I'll try for you.

They do have some canon interactions going for them. Namely, we know that SP made a covenant with her to do some unspecified thing in the 1863rd regression.

It's not certain how many of the messages he sent to KDJ's channel were actually him personally, and how many one of his kkomas, and while I think a couple of them in the important moments was actually him, I headcanon he spent most of his time watching the alt-1863rd round. For Han Sooyoung I imagine he was a cold and distant figure who sent few indirect messages but whose attention was always hanging over her head. She had to rely on his satisfaction with the way she ran the world for him to hold up his part of the deal and give her a new worldline.

And we know he wasn't satisfied, because when he sent KDJ there, he said "I hope you're not as disappointing as the last one." So clearly there was some kind of disagreement between them.

Despite all this fun context, I don't think they have many strong feelings about each other other than mutual dislike. Neither of them spend time thinking of the other except for when they have to interact for the sake of the covenant. They're relationship is purely business, and they don't leave a huge impression on the other's psyche or change the trajectory of their lives forever. (Unlike, for example, 1863 Yoo Joonghyuk does for the both of them.)

Only thing they have going for them is their love triangle with 1863 YJH. It's the kind that doesn't end in a thruple for once, but where they both stay feeling entirely neutral about the other corner.

The Big Issue for them is that SP gives HSY a task he doesn't actually wish to be achieved, but HSY has no choice but to do her best to attempt anyway. And when she does come up with a perfect plan to achieve the death of Yoo Joonghyuk, the thing SP supposedly wants, he gets cold feet and sends KDJ in last minute, saying he's 'dissapointed' in her. Why? The plan would have worked. But he didn't want Yoo Joonghyuk to die at that point.

What he actually wanted her to do was fight radically change the world like Kim Dokja did. (This comes up in the SP/999 fight or sometime around then.) She never could have lived up to that expectation.

And in the aftermath of Kim Dokja's visit to the 1863rd round, all their plans were ruined anyway. Maybe she neutrally told him she 'wouldn't be leaving this round' and that their deal was off. SP said nothing, since obviously everything had fallen apart at that point. I think Secretive Plotter, much like Kim Dokja, doesn't care for a world without Yoo Joonghyuk in it. That was probably the last time they spoke to each other. The 1863rd round became completely irrelevant to him, including the Han Sooyoung left there to pick up the pieces. And she was obsessively fixated on Kim Dokja and didn't have time to think about SP. That was all over and done with.

But I'm very willing to hear anyone out if they have a HSY/SP vision. I want to be persuaded on this!

[thewhumpcaretaker]

i hope u dont mind i go to you for whump ideas !! do u have any ideas/prompts for a living weapon/forced soldier(?) type thing👀

I certainly do not mind! I do love making prompts.

This is basically a whole genre of whump, so this will be long and I'm just getting started honestly.

💥 Living Weapon Whump 💥

Whumpee is forced to kill - this is kind of the heart of the trauma. How do they deal with it? Do they blame themself? Do they hate the ones who did this to them? One way or another, they have to live with terrible memories of what their own two hands have done.

...Or maybe they don't live with the memories. Whumpee dissociates heavily and perhaps even deals with amnesia from things they can't bear to face.

Dissociation overall is important. To act violently and efficiently in a fight, when you don't want to act, requires separating emotions from actions and becoming distant. When whumpee gets hurt, or sees something horrifying, they don't respond. They're calm. Too calm.

Self-hatred. Viewing themself as a weapon, only good for killing and incapable of love or kindness. Unworthy of having basic human needs met.

If the training started young, whumpee was raised in isolation, so they struggle to understand basic social cues, pop culture references, and just how to act normal. They're very nervous around people.

This can also have other effects on how they socialize and on their personality. Maybe it wasn't safe to have empathy for others if everyone around them was getting hurt and killed regularly, so they lost touch with empathy. Maybe any mistake or sign of weakness would lead to punishment, so honor became crucial.

They're probably going to have an unusual relationship to physical touch. They've mostly only been touched in violent ways, so they'll either be touch starved or touch averse. They flinch when someone moves suddenly. It takes a while to learn that touch can be positive. Maybe sparring and playfighting is one of the only ways they feel comfortable touching other people - or maybe it's something they never want to do with people they love, because it's connected to too many bad memories.

Whumpee expects to be hurt and thinks it's normal. They get into bad relationships, difficult jobs, etc. They don't take care of their health. Why? Because their suffering "doesn't matter." They're just a tool.

Maybe whumpee is conditioned to respond to a code word. When they hear that word or phrase, they start killing anyone around them indiscriminately until another code word (or passing out, or something else) snaps them out of it.

If they can't control when they'll become dangerous (either because of a code word like that, or because they get violent during PTSD triggers, or just because they don't trust themself), maybe they try to incapacitate themself or lock themself up. Maybe they get thrown into prison or an institution on purpose, to protect their loved ones. Maybe they run away.

Maybe whumpee has permanent physical alterations because of their training. Maybe they were branded or tattooed. Maybe they have cryogenic implants or embedded tracking devices. Maybe they've sustained injuries that now result in chronic pain.

Whumpee faces trial for things they were forced to do, things beyond their control. But maybe they blame themself completely. Or maybe they don't, and they're enraged to be in this situation.

I could continue this list for days honestly haha, this is one of my favorite tropes. Now I want to do a separate one focused on living weapon comfort...

[amethystarachnid]

Hi! Its me again I had another found family troupe in mind if your up for it! I wanted to ask before the Christmas prompts started.

So this time I was thinking Deadpool x Teen!Male!Reader where reader is on top of a building, how he got there is up to you, but he's abt to make a bad decision (if ykw I mean) when dead pool finds him and starts to talk, and basically they end up making a deal, if wade can make the reader see how good life is then he won't do it, but if he fails the reader can go back, and basically its is a bunch of fun stupid shit for the rest and the reader becomes apart of the little odd family created in dead pool 3 (including logan) and decides to stick around. So heavy angst that's solved in a nice fluff, and if your not comfortable with the first part you can change the angst to a different scenario you totally can, and the how and why is up to you.

Readers personality is a sarcastic, cold teen, but he's caring and weird around ppl he's close to, he hides his emotions to keep himself safe

If you can do this I would be so so grateful, if not its totally understandable, I love your work sm its hard not to request things, keep up the amazing writing! Have a good day/night!

OPERATION MAKE YOU NOT HATE THE UNIVERSE

⤷ WADE WILSON

ᯓ★ Pairing: Wade Wilson x male!reader

ᯓ★ Genre: platonic!, angst, tiny bit of fluff

ᯓ★ Request from: normal request

ᯓ★ Story type: one shot

ᯓ★ Word count: 4k

ᯓ★ Summary: what the ask said

ᯓ★ TW(s): This story deals with sensitive themes, including mental health struggles and suicide

ᯓ★ I'm happy that you like my works and don't worry, you can make as may requests as you want, I'm so happy when people make requests! <3

ᯓ★ My Masterlist

ᯓ★ MARVEL Holiday Special

ᯓ★ MARVEL Multiverse - choose an AU, pair it with your favorite character and make a request!

ᯓ★ Songs & Superheroes tales - The Game (to make a request, follow the rules on the link!)

ᯓ★ MARVEL Bingo

ᯓ★ English isn’t my first language

The city sprawls below, twinkling and vast, but strangely quiet from this height. You sit on the edge of a skyscraper, your legs dangling into the nothingness, with only the hum of distant cars and neon lights bleeding through the foggy air.

You take a deep breath, the cold biting into your lungs. It makes sense, somehow, for this place to be the last thing you’d see. Who knows how long you’ve been sitting here, trying to drum up the courage or the anger or whatever it’s going to take to finally just let go. But the emptiness is louder than any fear. The world feels like it’s swallowed you whole, and this—you dangling on the edge—feels like the only time you’ve ever been able to look it in the face.

“You know, most people pick roller coasters or a fifth of tequila if they wanna feel a thrill.”

You flinch. Not from surprise—well, okay, a little from surprise—but more from sheer irritation. This is the moment someone decides to intrude? You glance over your shoulder and see him. He’s wearing red and black, looking like a deranged SWAT team dropout, leaning casually against the roof access door, arms crossed like he’s watching a really boring episode of a soap opera.

“And here I thought I had the whole roof to myself,” you say dryly, hiding your unease. “Guess we’re all just having a rooftop party.”

“Lucky for you, kiddo, I’m the life of the party. Deadpool, at your service,” he says with a bow. “But hey, what’s a young guy like you doing up here all alone? Besides reenacting all the worst Lifetime movies?”

You snort, because it’s exactly that bad. “Oh, just figured I’d enjoy the view,” you reply, deadpan. “And maybe gravity. Seems like a good combo.”

“Right, right, makes sense,” he nods, as if he’s in on some cosmic joke only you get. He crouches down, edging a little closer. “Let me guess. Someone pissed you off, the world sucks, you hate your life, blah blah blah, and now you’re about to end it all. Am I close?”

You don’t answer, just roll your eyes and stare back out at the city. But something in the fact that he said it—that he got it so easily—makes you feel strange. Seen.

“Oh, man, nailed it!” Deadpool cheers, like this is some sort of accomplishment. “See, I’m like a therapist, but with 90% more leather and 100% more explosions. And, I make house calls. You’re welcome.”

“Yeah? Where’s the PhD?” You give him a sidelong look, unimpressed. “Bet it’s in the mail.”

He gasps theatrically. “Excuse me, my online course was very thorough, thank you. You’re looking at a fully certified therapist-slash-savior-slash-pizza connoisseur.” He steps even closer, as if he’s trying to get a read on you. “So, what’s it gonna take for you to, I dunno…step back from the edge, champ?”

The question catches you off guard, but you school your expression back into that empty, unreadable mask. “Nothing,” you say. “Don’t need saving.”

“Aw, sure you do. Everybody does,” Deadpool replies, with a smile that’s a little too wide. He’s still in that crouch, head tilted like he’s studying a lab rat. “C’mon, take me up on my deal.”

“I didn’t agree to any deal,” you mutter.

“Well, that’s about to change, Mr. Antisocial.” Deadpool leans in, his voice a dramatic whisper. “I’ll make you a bet. If I can’t show you something worth sticking around for, something that doesn’t totally suck, you win. But if I can—and oh, I will—then you gotta promise not to do anything stupid up here. No ‘jumping’ and no ‘leaping gracefully off into the night’—not on my watch. Deal?”

You look at him, trying to figure out if he’s serious. But then, you’re not sure this guy even knows what serious means. A smirk slips onto your face, mostly from disbelief. “And if you fail, I get to come back here and do what I want.”

Deadpool slaps his hands together, eyes lighting up like he’s just scored a jackpot. “Deal! Signed, sealed, and delivered. What’s your name, by the way? So I know what to call you when I start ‘Operation Make You Not Hate the Universe.’”

“None of your business.”

“Oh, that’s not gonna work,” he replies breezily. “I’ll call you...” He pauses dramatically, finger tapping his chin. “Shadow Kid. Because of your gloomy vibes. Or Edgy McBroodface. Either one works for me.”

You sigh, exasperated. “Fine. It’s Y/n. Happy?”

He claps his hands like a kid on Christmas. “Delighted! Well, Y/n, pack your bags because you’re about to take the Deadpool Tour de Joy. First stop: that little bakery down the street that makes these empanadas that are just to die for—pun very intended.”

As ridiculous as he sounds, something inside you—against all odds—doesn’t completely hate this idea. Maybe he’s right, maybe he’s wrong, but at least he’s distracting you. And it’s better than the silence. So you sigh, push yourself back from the edge, and follow him, if only because he’s made it impossible not to.

“Don’t get too excited,” you warn, hiding a hint of curiosity beneath a mask of sarcasm. “I don’t like pastries.”

“Don’t worry, kid, you will,” he grins, guiding you off the ledge. “Deadpool guarantees it. Or I’ll give you a full refund. You know, after we make sure you don’t end up sidewalk art.”

It’s midnight, and you’re trailing behind a lunatic in red and black spandex as he skips down the street like he’s leading a parade of one. You almost regret stepping away from the edge of that building. Almost. Because, despite everything, Deadpool’s got your attention, even if it’s just so you can see where this trainwreck of a night is headed.

“Now, Y/n,” he says, spinning around to face you while walking backward, “it’s time I introduce you to my squad. My inner circle. The people who either love me or have given up trying to kill me. I figured, what better way to kick off Operation: Don’t Be A Self-Destructive Edgelord than some quality time with family?”

“Your ‘family’?” You raise an eyebrow, skeptical.

“Oh, yes. They’re the most dysfunctional group of weirdos you’ll ever meet, which, in our line of work, is high praise.” He turns back around, leading you down a couple of twisting alleyways until you’re standing in front of a building that looks like it was abandoned about a hundred years ago.

“Home, sweet home!” Wade announces proudly, shoving the door open. “Well, it’s not really mine, but Al’s not much of a decorator anyway.”

You’re about to ask who “Al” is when you spot her: a short, older woman with oversized sunglasses, leaning against a sofa, flipping through a Braille magazine. She doesn’t even look up when she addresses Deadpool.

“You brought home another stray, Wade? You’d think you were trying to start an orphanage for misfits,” she mutters.

“This one’s special, Al. Meet Y/n,” Wade says, guiding you inside. “Y/n, this is the one and only Blind Al. She’s my friend, roommate, therapist, probation officer, and part-time parole board.”

Al snorts. “You think I’d live with Wade if I had any other options?”

You almost smirk. “So you’re telling me he’s like this all the time?”

Al nods, and you catch the tiniest hint of a smile on her face. “Constantly. And unfortunately, you’ll get used to it.”

“Come on, Al, don’t ruin the surprise! I’m a blast to be around,” Wade says, slapping you on the back with a little too much enthusiasm. “Anyway, I promised Y/n the Deadpool Experience™, which includes only the finest influences and biggest badasses on the market.”

“Speaking of badasses…” Wade nudges you, gesturing to the kitchen doorway, where a tall, grizzled man in flannel and jeans leans against the frame, arms crossed. His eyes are hard, the kind that say he’s seen more than his fair share of horror, but he’s giving you a look that’s somewhere between curiosity and caution.

“Logan, meet Y/n,” Wade says, pushing you forward. “Y/n, meet Wolverine, aka Logan Howlett, aka the surliest Canadian this side of the Rockies. Logan, Y/n here’s having a tough time deciding if life’s worth sticking around for, so I figured you could help me convince him otherwise. Since you’re all about that whole ‘living through endless suffering’ thing.”

Logan looks you over, clearly unimpressed with Wade’s choice of words. “You tell this kid what he was getting into by sticking with you?” he grumbles, giving Wade a side-eye.

“Why spoil the fun?” Wade chirps. “Besides, I figured I’d ease him into the nightmare that is my lifestyle by introducing him to you first. It’s all part of my master plan.”

You scoff. “Not exactly a plan so far.”

Logan grunts, shooting Wade a look. “Kid, if you’re here, you better be ready to put up with more crap than you signed up for. And if you don’t, well, don’t expect us to sugarcoat it.”

“Gee, thanks, Logan. Great pep talk,” Wade says, clapping his hands together. “You’re practically the Canadian Dr. Phil.”

“Whatever,” Logan mutters, giving you a short nod of acknowledgment. “Stay out of trouble, kid.”

“Thanks,” you reply dryly. “I’ll make a note of it.”

Wade flashes a grin. “All right, now that we’ve got the somber stuff out of the way, it’s time to meet my real pride and joy. Follow me, Y/n.” He leads you down a narrow hallway, barely glancing back as he goes. “And here, in the third and definitely not cleanest room on the left, is the Mini Wolverine herself, Laura Kinney!”

You peer around the doorframe, and sure enough, there’s a young girl, no older than you, sharpening a knife with an intensity that could probably slice through steel. She looks up, one eyebrow raised as she sizes you up.

“So…another of Wade’s recruits?” she asks, her tone half-sarcastic but half-genuine, like she’s as surprised as anyone to find herself among this crowd.

“Not exactly,” you reply. “Apparently, I’m part of some…life-affirming experiment?”

Laura smirks. “Good luck. Most people just end up scarred. Or worse.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, mini-me,” Wade says, swooping in to ruffle her hair, which she swats at with the speed of a ninja. “Y/n, Laura here is what we call a ‘clone’—same rage issues, same claws, same immunity to hugs as Mr. Broodmaster in the kitchen. Laura, Y/n here is testing out the Wade Wilson School of Life Choices.”

She snorts, shaking her head. “Well, better you than me. Good luck.”

“Look at that, Y/n! She’s already rooting for you,” Wade says, pulling you back out of the room before you can reply.

“Sure,” you mutter. “I feel like I’m one big science project.”

“Nah, science projects are boring,” Wade says cheerfully. “And last, but certainly not least, the crown jewel of this ridiculous ensemble is… Peter!”

You frown, confused, as Wade leads you to the living room, where a man with glasses and a receding hairline is lounging on the couch, a sandwich in one hand and a soda in the other. He looks up and waves at you with a sheepish smile.

“Hey there. I’m Peter,” he says. “No code name, no special abilities, just…Peter.”

You raise an eyebrow at Wade. “How does he fit in?”

“Oh, he doesn’t,” Wade says matter-of-factly. “He’s just a genuinely good guy. The one, non-superpowered person who got tangled up in my dumpster fire of a life and didn’t immediately bail. I figured he’d be a nice balance to all the violent murderers in the room. Plus, he makes a mean ham and cheese sandwich.”

Peter shrugs, giving you a friendly smile. “Sometimes, it’s good to have at least one guy who knows what life’s like for the average person. And I figure, if Wade can make it, maybe there’s hope for all of us, right?”

You nod slowly, unsure what to make of all this but also, maybe for the first time in a long time, feeling something close to warmth. These people are rough around the edges, sure, but there’s an understanding in the way they look at you—like they know what it’s like to have the world chew you up and spit you out.

“Well, Y/n,” Wade says, clapping his hands together, “you’ve met the gang. Now, how about that empanada?”

You can’t help but roll your eyes, but there’s a small smile tugging at your lips. “Fine,” you mutter. “One empanada. But if it sucks, this deal’s off.”

Wade grins. “Deal! And hey, if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll even get a side of wisdom and life lessons from our merry band of misfits. Consider this step one on the path to…not hating everything.”

He leads the way, Peter and Al in tow, while Logan and Laura hang back a bit. And as you walk down the dimly lit street, surrounded by this unlikely crew, you realize maybe—just maybe—Wade might actually have a point.

The morning sun drips through the dirty windows of Blind Al’s apartment, casting a pale yellow glow over the chaotic mess of takeout boxes, weapon cases, and torn-up furniture. You’re sprawled on an old, threadbare armchair, an empanada wrapper stuck to your shirt from last night’s “Deadpool Tour de Joy.” You’d made it through an entire night with Wade and his crew of insane, sarcastic maniacs—and, against all odds, it wasn’t completely awful. In fact, you’d felt something almost like…belonging.

But now it’s the next day, and you’ve already told yourself a hundred times that you should probably just slip out, go back to what you were doing, forget all of this ever happened. You’re starting to push yourself up when Wade barges into the room, wearing his costume but missing the mask, eyes bleary, and looking like he hasn’t slept in days.

“Ah! Sleeping beauty rises!” Wade yells, startling you. “Figured you’d skipped out by now, but no! Y/n, my little suicidal protégé, how’s life on the wild side?”

You roll your eyes. “It’s early. Can you not yell?”

“Oh, no-no-no, kid, this is normal volume,” Wade replies with a grin. “Wait ‘til Logan shows up and starts shouting at me. Speaking of which…”

Right on cue, Logan comes around the corner, his expression twisted in irritation. “Wade, it’s nine in the damn morning, why are you already so loud?”

“Why are you such a ray of sunshine?” Wade replies cheerfully, barely dodging Logan’s hand as he tries to grab him.

“Because you’re annoying,” Logan growls, rolling his eyes and making for the coffee pot. But Wade is already blocking him, a mug in one hand, smirking.

“What if I told you there was no coffee left? Would you kill me?”

Logan raises an eyebrow, as if daring him to repeat it. Without a word, he pops out his claws, a metallic snikt slicing through the silence.

“Oh, I’m shaking!” Wade sneers, clearly egging him on.

“Deadpool, just get out of my way.” Logan tries to push past, but Wade laughs, making some obnoxious buzzing noise that apparently does the trick, because Logan grits his teeth and stabs him, right through the side.

You jump, stunned, watching as Logan’s claws slip back out, leaving Wade clutching his side. Blood pours out of the wound, and you’re about to call out when you realize that Wade’s grinning.

“Oh, there it is,” Wade says, inspecting the hole in his side, barely even phased. “You got me good, Wolvie. Was hoping you’d go for the chest, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“What the hell?” You can’t help but gape at him. “You’re bleeding, and you’re laughing?”

Wade winks, dropping his hand and letting you see that the wound is…healing. Muscles and tissue knit themselves back together, as if he hadn’t been stabbed at all. “Oh, yeah! Y/n, I forgot to mention one of my best features: I’m unkillable! Like an annoying houseplant that refuses to die. Cool, right?”

You blink, still trying to process. “So…no matter what happens to you, you just…keep coming back?”

“Yup! Think of it like this,” Wade says, throwing an arm around your shoulders, ignoring the sticky blood on his suit. “I am the miracle of human resilience, cranked up to eleven. Plus, I give Logan a stress outlet every morning. Win-win, really.”

“Wouldn’t call it a win,” Logan mutters, pouring his coffee. “If anything, you’re my worst nightmare.”

Wade smirks, turning to you. “Logan here’s my best friend. Don’t let him fool you.”

Logan takes a long, deliberate sip of his coffee, glaring over the rim. “One more word, Wade, and I’ll make it two stabs.”

“Oh, two stabs?” Wade clutches his chest dramatically. “Why, Mr. Howlett, you really know how to flatter a guy.”

“Honestly,” you mutter, looking at them, “this is the weirdest friendship I’ve ever seen.”

Logan glances over at you, grumbling, “It’s not a friendship. It’s a…complicated arrangement.”

Wade beams, throwing an arm around Logan’s shoulder, which Logan promptly shrugs off. “Call it whatever you want, sweetie.”

As they bicker, Laura enters the room, unfazed by the chaos. She gives you a nod of acknowledgment before grabbing a seat at the table, watching the two men as if this is just another morning.

“Y/n, how’s Wade treating you?” she asks, a smirk forming on her face.

You can’t help the sarcasm in your voice. “Oh, it’s just been fantastic. Nothing like witnessing multiple acts of violence before breakfast.”

She grins. “Get used to it. That’s pretty much every day around here.”

“Hey, I call it ‘combat therapy,’” Wade retorts, tossing her a wink. “You know, bonding time for the soul. Plus, Logan secretly loves it.”

You’re still processing all of this when Peter comes in, looking almost suspiciously normal, like a PTA dad in a nightmare of superheroes and chaos. He gives you a friendly wave, balancing a bag of bagels and a coffee tray.

“Morning, everyone!” Peter says, the only cheerful voice in the room. “Brought bagels for you all. Thought maybe today we could take it easy and just…you know, be normal for a while?”

Wade gasps. “Normal? Peter, buddy, you’re really asking a lot of me.”

“Don’t mind him, Peter,” you mutter, taking a bagel. “I think I’m the only sane one here.”

Peter gives you a sympathetic look. “I figured as much. Good luck with this crew, Y/n. If you ever need a sane friend, I’m your guy.”

Laura scoffs. “He doesn’t want ‘sane’ friends. If he did, he’d have run by now.”

You can’t argue with that. In fact, the thought does cross your mind—why didn’t you leave? But before you can dwell on it too long, Wade claps his hands.

“Today’s adventure awaits!” he announces, eyes alight with his usual chaotic energy. “We’ll start with breakfast and then…well, I’m not sure yet, but it’ll be something awesome.”

The group groans as Wade grabs his mask and heads for the door, beckoning for you to follow. Logan sighs, Laura grabs her knives, and Peter just looks resigned. But they all follow, like it’s a ritual they’re somehow tied to, and after a moment, you find yourself tagging along too.

The day is filled with antics. You lose track of the times Wade gets hurt, only to heal right in front of your eyes. Logan mutters that he’d be better off without Wade, only to punch him in the shoulder five minutes later with a hidden grin. Laura challenges Wade to a knife fight, and Peter just sighs, trying to keep everyone in line. And for the first time in…who knows how long, you’re laughing. Really laughing.

It’s almost night by the time you head back, the sky darkening as the city lights flicker on. You’re about to part ways and make your way home, but somehow, your feet keep taking you back to Al’s apartment. You know you don’t belong here, not really, but when you reach the door, there’s that same warmth—a strange pull you can’t ignore.

Wade notices you hesitate by the door and grins. “Aw, he’s back! See, I told you I’d be your favorite person in no time.”

“Don’t get too cocky,” you mutter, but you don’t turn to leave. Logan, Laura, Peter, and Al all glance at you, each with a look of welcome that they probably wouldn’t admit to feeling. It’s an odd sight, this bunch of misfits, but in some way, you realize that maybe they’re not as much of a mess as they seem. Maybe, just maybe, you’ve found something here that doesn’t completely suck.

“All right, all right, enough with the mushy stuff!” Wade says, breaking the silence. “Y/n, welcome back to Dysfunctional Central. We’re going to make you regret every second.”

You roll your eyes but smirk, stepping back inside and letting the door click shut behind you. Because this time, you don’t mind sticking around.

As night settles in over Blind Al’s apartment, the usual chaos of the group fades. Laura’s busy sharpening a blade on the couch, Logan’s nursing a beer in the corner, Peter is cleaning up the disaster of takeout containers from earlier, and Al is sitting near the window, her face turned toward the cool night breeze drifting in. Wade, in his typical way, is chattering aimlessly about everything and nothing at all, flipping between mocking TV commercials and talking up his latest “brilliant” idea for a reality show. And, as usual, you’re mostly tuning him out, feeling a mix of exhaustion and…something else. Something that’s starting to feel suspiciously like relief.

Wade breaks off suddenly, his head cocked as he glances over at you with a curious look. “So, Y/n,” he begins, his voice dropping a few notches in volume—a rarity. “How’s our little…adventure going? You feelin’ the spark of life yet? The whole, ‘maybe being alive doesn’t completely suck’ kinda thing?”

You shrug, fidgeting with the edge of your jacket. “I mean, it’s…been okay. You guys are insane, obviously, but it’s not the worst.”

Wade grins. “Insane and proud, baby. It’s kind of our brand. But don’t think I haven’t noticed your little act.” He leans in, dropping his voice even lower. “You’re good at the sarcasm, the deadpan thing. But I can see the cracks, kid. What’s under there?”

You freeze, not sure how to answer. Part of you wants to laugh it off, throw a sarcastic line his way, but something about the way Wade’s looking at you, uncharacteristically sincere, throws you off guard.

“Why’re you asking?” you mutter, looking away.

He shrugs, casual but not unkind. “Because, believe it or not, I give a damn. And because if I’m gonna help you out of whatever pit you’ve fallen into, I need to know where to start. So…give me the lowdown. What’s so bad it made you wanna bail on this whole rodeo?”

You swallow, throat tight. The last thing you want is to spill everything, to lay out every messy thought and feeling. But the words are there, just behind your teeth, begging to be let out after you’ve kept them buried for so long.

“It’s…” You hesitate, searching for the right words. “It’s not one thing, okay? It’s like…everything.”

Wade’s eyes don’t leave yours, an unspoken encouragement in his gaze.

You take a breath, still unsure, but the dam is cracking, and suddenly the words are pouring out before you can stop them. “I don’t know, Wade. I just—I feel like I don’t fit. Anywhere. I’ve tried, I really have, but no matter what I do, it’s like I’m some kind of outsider. The kid who’s always…wrong. Like I don’t belong in my own life. And the more I tried to fit in, the harder it got.”

Wade nods, not interrupting, just letting you talk.

“School was a nightmare,” you continue, voice barely above a whisper. “People either ignored me or treated me like I was invisible. Even my own family doesn’t seem to get me. I just…there’s no place for me. No one who actually cares, and it’s been that way for so long that I can’t remember a time it wasn’t. And I know you’re supposed to push through or whatever, but I just got so tired, Wade. Tired of always feeling like I’m on the outside looking in. Tired of being…me.”

You shake your head, trying to keep the tremor out of your voice. “Everywhere I look, it’s like people have these lives, friends, family, things that give them a reason to wake up. But me? I don’t have anything, not really. So I started wondering…if I just disappeared, would anyone even notice? Would anyone care?”

Wade is quiet, watching you with an expression you can’t quite place. It’s not pity—thankfully, you don’t think you could stand that—but something softer, gentler.

“That’s why I went up there last night,” you admit, surprised by the honesty in your own voice. “Because I couldn’t stand the emptiness anymore. I thought maybe if I just…ended it, at least it would stop hurting, you know?”

There’s silence in the room now, even the usual background noise faded to nothing. You can feel the weight of your own words, a relief but also a vulnerability that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin.

After a moment, Wade shifts, sitting down next to you. “Hey, kid,” he says, his voice uncharacteristically soft. “I know that feeling. I know it all too well.”

You glance at him, surprised. “You? You seem like you’ve got everything figured out.”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Oh, kid. I may be the king of talking big, but I’ve been where you are. Hell, I’ve been to worse places. You think I’m here just ‘cause life handed me everything I wanted? Nope. I got scars, inside and out, that’d make your head spin. And you know what? That ‘don’t belong’ feeling? I had that too.”

Wade pauses, running a hand over his mask, which he’s bunched up in his hands. “I used to think…if I could just disappear, maybe that would be the best thing for everyone. And that was before I became…this.” He gestures to his scarred skin, his voice low but steady. “When you look like this, people either turn away or look at you like you’re some kind of monster. It was…lonely. Really, really lonely.”

You swallow, something in his words hitting close to home. “So what changed?”

Wade smiles, a bit of his usual spark returning. “Well, I guess I just got stubborn. Figured if the world didn’t want me, then I’d make my own place. Found people—well, like the circus act you met last night. Turns out, sometimes family’s not about blood. It’s about…finding people who see the worst parts of you and stick around anyway.”

“Not everyone has that,” you murmur, glancing at the floor.

“True,” Wade admits, his gaze softening. “But kid, here’s the thing: you’re still here. And now, you’ve got us—like it or not.” He gives you a wry smile. “You don’t have to carry that weight alone anymore. I get it, I really do, but there’s no shame in letting someone else help pick up the pieces. Maybe you just haven’t found your people yet…but you’ve got me, and the squad. We’re not perfect, but we don’t go down without a fight.”

You look at him, a strange warmth spreading through your chest despite the heaviness of the moment. For the first time, you feel like maybe someone actually understands. Maybe, just maybe, you’re not completely alone.

“Thanks,” you say, the word barely loud enough to hear. “For…listening.”

Wade grins, reaching out and patting your shoulder, a bit rough but oddly comforting. “Anytime, kid. I’m annoying, sure, but you won’t find anyone more loyal.” He gives you a wink. “Besides, I told you—I’m not letting you off the hook that easy.”

You chuckle, feeling a little lighter despite everything. “You really don’t give up, do you?”

“Nope. It’s a gift and a curse.” Wade stands, offering a hand to help you up. “Now, you and me? We’re gonna keep going until you see just how much life’s got to offer. I mean, look at me—scarred, hated, stabbed on a daily basis—and somehow, I’m still here.”

You roll your eyes, but there’s a smile tugging at your lips. “You’re a walking disaster.”

“Guilty as charged,” Wade says with a laugh. “But hey, you stick around with us long enough, maybe we’ll rub off on you. Logan can teach you how to growl menacingly, and Laura can teach you how to stab with precision. Peter’s got the dad jokes covered. It’s a real all-inclusive experience.”

For the first time in what feels like forever, you feel a spark of hope. It’s small, fragile, but it’s there. Maybe life’s not all bright and shiny, and maybe you’ve got a long way to go, but with Wade and this dysfunctional crew, maybe there’s a chance you can start over. At the very least, you’re not alone.

“Alright,” you say, meeting Wade’s gaze with newfound determination. “I’ll give this a shot.”

Wade’s grin stretches wide, genuine. “That’s the spirit, Y/n! I knew you had it in you.” He throws an arm around your shoulder, squeezing a little too tight. “And hey, if it ever gets too tough, just remember—you’ve got us.”

You nod, letting yourself lean into the odd but reassuring presence of Wade by your side. For the first time in a long time, you feel like maybe there’s a path forward, one you don’t have to walk alone.

And with this crazy group, maybe that path won’t be as empty as the one you were on before.

if you liked the story don't forget to like, reblog and leave a comment if you want!

[myunghology]

walk me home — hellovenus

project sekai boys and how they love.

— akito, toya, tsukasa, rui x gn! reader (seperate) got this idea from a post user @/akiitos tagged me in 🫶🫶🫶 ALSO FASTEST WORK I'VE EVER MADE WITH 4 CHARACTERS? I DID IT IN ONLY AN HOUR

✦ akito shinonome

he's a bit passive aggressive. but you know he loves you dearly.

he loves by telling you aggressively not to overwork, just because he seems distant doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. and then when you don't, he lightly scolds you, calling you stupid for not listening to him, but even after all that, he still takes care of you.

he loves by looking out for you. telling people to shut up because your sleeping— telling people to fuck off because you're getting uncomfortable and because he knows you're too nice to say anything.

he loves by treating you sometimes with his own hard earned money. akito wants to take you out with his own money. not anyone else's. refuses to buy anything for you unless it's with his money.

he loves by being attentive. you send a chat that you're tired, and he reads it immediately. you might think he ignored you but 7 minutes later he's outside your house with some snacks so he can help you with whatever your dealing with. he walks in before closing the door with the spare key you gave him, going inside your room saying, “i heard someone was stressed.”

he loves by being an asshole. you were so sick of him that you say, “why are you always such an ass to me? what the fuck did i do?” and he replies with “I'm 'such an ass' because I'm in love with you, you fucking dumbass.” that was basically how he confessed.

✦ toya aoyagi

toya is an interesting person, it's hard to tell what he's thinking, but besides that, you still love him.

he loves by being considerate without you asking. one time, he heard you were having difficulties with an exam. so he came over and studied— even if he was tired, he's still considering you. motivating you even though your also tired.

he loves by giving you gifts as appreciation. we all know toya has a habit of literally winning a lot of stuff in arcades, so most of his winnings go mostly to you. you know, your plushies have their own bed now because of him.

he loves by reassuring you with anything and everything. telling you even when you're stuggling, bad times and good times, that he's still in love with you, even in arguments. tells you he'll still love you as you are whenever your too shy. tells you it's okay to make mistakes.

he loves by doing what he dislikes the most just for you. even if you never asked for it. you could say you love piano covers and suddenly he sends you a recording of him playing your favorite song on the piano even though it brings him unpleasant memories, he knows you'd never do something he doesn't like, but he can't help but do it for the person he loves.

✦ tsukasa tenma

tsukasa is a very, very energetic person. which makes him hard to get along with especially if you're an introvert.

he loves by making you smile almost always. how he goes the most goofiest shit just to see you smile. the lengths he goes just to see you happy. wxs calls him a simp, but who is he to deny that? even before you both start dating, his focus is always on you. and saki

he loves by showing you off / flexing you. you just laugh it off, but he really likes doing it. he always goes "oh my god their so amazing how could I get so lucky" etc. people give him weird stares, but he says everything he says is true.

he loves by helping with your social skills. if you're anxious, of course. he isn't afraid to introduce you to his other friends, encouraging you to talk, even if you don't want to, it's okay. he'll talk for you, no problem.

he loves by always spending time with you. he's always with you to the point that when you two are seperated, something went wrong. but really, he's just really busy. even if he is busy, he always makes time for you, checkin up on you everyday, and gets worried when you don't reply.

✦ rui kamishiro

rui is also an interesting person. you question him sometimes, but you still love him.

he loves by flirting with you. will stop if you're uncomfortable of course, but if you aren't, pickup lines are daily. and it isn't those weird cheesy ones. it's the ones that come out of no where. when you say something— he always has a pick up line to say. it's a 6th sense at this point.

he loves by listening to you. when you tell him to eat and stop being picky, he's pouting while eating vegetables. listening to you also means while you're sad. he's all ears. giving advice there and then unless you only want him to listen. and he's greatful that you're willing to share with him.

he loves by always willing to help you with anything. especially with robotics if you take it. he's really smart, you know. but he just.. doesn't use his smartness well if you know what I mean. if you two listen enough in class, then you two are definitely passing.

he loves by always noticing you when you're left out. he sees your trying to talk but other people keep interrupting. suddenly his voice gradually gets loulder when he says "ah wait [name], what were you trying to say?" always considering you even in moments like these, and you always appreciate it.

©myunghology — all works written are made by ©myunghology. DON'T steal / copy my works. if you do see someone stealing my works, please report them :).

[atlasscrumpit]

You said you write dark fics. I read a lot for Bucky to the point that I accidentally found a few (really few,understandably) headcanons & short fics of Bucky with a lesbian reader and ofc they were all very respectful and Bucky ended up being a supportive close friend. I'm not a lesbian,but finding those few headcanons & stories and also having read dark fics made me wonder how would a dark Bucky deal or cope being infatuated with a reader who's a lesbian? A reader who's physically & mentally unable to return his feelings in any way not even in the slightest bit,no matter what he does. How do you think a dark version of Bucky would act with a reader who are unable to ever love him back or return his feelings. Maybe he'll become a dark best friend/yandere best friend to lesbian reader instead? And all the girls she dated had to be approved by him for reader & her to be official & he ended up choosing a girl for her who has the most similar personality to him & is like the female version of him. And if he gets obsessed with a new girl,she'll bear striking resemblance to reader except she's not a lesbian. So this would be more like soft dark,I guess. Not exactly dark. Cause I don't wanna be disrespectful. If you think that my interpretation of this is inaccurate then feel free to scratch it altogether and write your own interpretation of dark Bucky with a lesbian reader instead. Also,I know the way I wrote this sounds like a request for headcanons but if you do accept this request,can you write this as a fic instead? But if this request is disrespectful,then let's just cancel and ignore it. And I'm so sorry. I did think that I wrote this request as respectful as possible according to context and not in a violating or offensive way. But if it is offensive & disrespectful & you don't want to do it,just ignore this one & I'll send in a better request instead.

You stared at Bucky in shock as he told you the words you never expected to hear from him.

"Buck... You-You love me?" You asked as he looked at you in fear, waiting for the next words you were going to speak.

"I do." He muttered as you sighed.

"Bucky... I'm kind of into girls." You muttered as he looked at you in shock.

"You're gay?" He asked as you chuckled awkwardly.

"Yeah... I am." You muttered before he sighed and sat down.

"I don't know if that hurts more or less." He said as you sat beside him.

"Buck... I love you so much, you're my best friend. But, us together is just something that could never happen." You replied as he smiled a little and hugged you tightly.

"This won't ruin our friendship right?" He asked as you smiled and hugged him back.

"No, of course not. Nothing could ruin it."

--

Months passed and Bucky did his best to meet other girls.

But, in the end no one was like you.

He sat on his couch in his apartment and stared down at your number on his phone.

He groaned and threw his phone on the floor before going to the liquor cabinet.

An hour later he stumbled down the street to your apartment.

He came up to your door and you opened it.

"Buck, are you drunk?" You asked as he stared at you.

He pushed you into the apartment and shoved you against a wall, forcing his lips against yours before you escaped his grip.

"Bucky! Enough!" You screamed as he stared at you.

"No! I need you, I can't have anyone else!" He shouted back, stalking towards you.

"James! Stand down!" You demanded as he stopped and grabbed his head, groaning.

"I don't know what I'm doing... I feel like I'm going crazy." He muttered, shaking his head as you sighed and walked forward.

You took his hands and lead him to sit down on your couch.

"You need to go back to your therapist and talk about all of this." You said making his groan.

"I don't need to go back to her." He growled before he looked at you.

"Why can't I just have you?" He whispered sadly, a part of you felt bad for this but it wasn't like you could control who you loved.

"I know this is hard and we've become even more distant but we have to work through this...you have to work through this." You said as he nodded a little.

"How's it going with that girl?" He asked as you chuckled softly.

"We kind of broke it off. I don't know, she just wasn't my type." You replied as he nodded.

"What if we set each other up?" He suggested, you weren't opposed to the idea.

"Well, I know what you like." You joked making him chuckle softly.

"Maybe this could be a good idea..."

--

Bucky had done surprisingly well when he set you up with someone.

For the first few weeks it went amazing, Bucky had found a girl as well and everything went well.

But, inevitably Bucky wound up at your door drunk again.

You opened it and sighed.

"Bucky, what the hell happened?" You asked as he pushed his way inside.

"It's over with Lyla." He growled as you looked at him sadly.

"I'm sorry, Buck... Well, things with Katy and I aren't going too well either. Maybe we go on a vacation or something. Get out of town." You suggested as he paced up and down before lunging at you and pinning you against the wall again.

"No, no I just need you. I don't give two fucks what you say, I'm having you." He growled as you looked at him in fear. His hand reached up and wrapped around your throat.

"Bucky, stop." You whispered as he smiled and kissed you softly.

"I love you...so fucking much. You'll learn to love me too, okay? You'll learn to like it." He whispered, insanity flashing in his eyes.

"Buck..." You whispered, slowly losing consciousness.

"We'll be happy, okay?"

--

You woke up and groaned softly. 

You looked around see you were in your room...maybe?

Everyhting looked like your room but it was just a little...off.

The door opened and you looked up to see Bucky. 

"What happened?" You muttered as he came forward with a sandwich on a plate. 

"You're at my place. I took everyhting from your old place and put it here. Don't worry they already sold your apartment." He said as your eyes widened. 

"W-What? How long was I out?" You whispered in shock as he sat beside you and placed the plate on your lap. 

"I kept you sedated for a few weeks while I took care of things." He said as you looked into his eyes. 

You didn't see your best friend Bucky anymore...you saw the winter soldier. 

"Bucky... What the hell are you doing?" You whispered in fear as he reached forward and held your face in his hand. 

"I'm getting what I want, Y/N." He whispered, a small smile on his face. 

"You kept me sedated? What the hell is wrong with you? What about my friends, my family?" You asked as he chuckled and let go of your face. 

"They trust me, doll. I told them you broke your leg and I'm taking care of you. I have an entire plan for us, a plan that will keep us happy forever. All you have to do is be happy, okay? You just have to do as I say, that's it." He said as you breathed heavily and just stared at him. 

"Come on, darling. Show me smile." He said as you just continued to stare. 

He slapped you hard across the face before gripping your chin roughly and making you face him. 

"I said show me a fucking smile!" He shouted as you put on a fake smile while tears ran down your face. 

"Yes, perfect. Good girl." He said letting go of your face. 

"Now, eat up and then we'll go through the rules." He said before standing up and walking away, leaving you in stunned silence.

Part 2 here

[lostfirefly]

something bad happened to me today and as always, I write a sketch after it to cheer myself up)

*knock, knock*

"My love, can I come in?" Catherine knocked gently on Buggy's office door.

"Go away!!" He shouted from behind the door.

"What? Why?"

"I said go away, Catherine!"

She heard the sound of a bottle breaking.

"I'm not going anywhere! I'm coming in! You can throw whatever you want at me, I don't care." Catherine slowly opened the door and stuck her head in. "What happened, little bear?"

As Catherine entered the room, the scene before her eyes immediately filled her with a sense of dread and despair. Buggy was sitting on the couch, his body slumped and his gaze distant, a half-empty bottle of whiskey clutched tightly in his hand. The amber liquid sloshed around as his trembling fingers struggled to maintain their grip, a testament to the depths of his despair. But that was not all - on the floor, mere feet away, lay another shattered bottle, its contents spilled and seeping into the worn carpet.

"Cabaji said you were sitting here and didn't want to come out."

"Why, Catherine?" Buggy looked at her with eyes red from tears.

"Why what?" She narrowed her eyes in incomprehension.

"Why are you with me?" He took a sip. "There was a cute man sitting next to you on the show today. You looked good together, but for some reason you chose me!"

"Oh, my blue-haired love." Catherine locked the door, tiptoed to the couch and sat down next to him. "That's why you were upset."

"I'm not upset!" Buggy took a sip. "I'm not. I just don't understand why you chose me, who could theoretically get a stone thrown at me, over a normal man."

"Who would throw stones at you or any person?! You'd have to be a complete idiot to do that. And if anyone dares to do that, woe to them, because I'll rip out all their organs in a second!" Catherine gently placed her hand on Buggy's shoulder. "Who told you that you aren't normal? You are a million times better than any man, my love." She moved her hand to his back and started stroking it. "You're smart."

"Yeah, I'm stupid!" Buggy took a sip again.

"Nope!! Remember how you solved Amset's riddle?! You put together a constellation. How could a stupid person do that? And you won me from the gods."

"Big deal, yeah."

"A big one! What kind of man could do that? Only a brave and smart one. And you're handsome, even though you deny it. And you make me happy. Look!" Catherine pulled her phone out of her pocket. "I sent Jules this picture when you left for a mini-tour. Look how sad my eyes are." She scrolled to the next picture. "And this is when you came back. See? Look how happy my eyes are. And look how good we look together."

"Yeah. The princess. And a red-nosed freak who paints himself like a clown." Buggy gently pushed away her hand with the phone.

"So what? I like your makeup. Sure, it's hard to wash off afterwards, but it's like you leave an invisible mark on me. And you tell everyone." Catherine imitated his voice. "Hey you, a bunch of idiots! That's my woman! Fuck off!" She wrapped her arms around his neck. "And you take care of me. You bring me flowers and cookies. You cover me with a blanket when I fall asleep on the couch. And you make delicious coffee in the morning. And you make me laugh. And I love you. Just the way you are. With your mood swings, with your red nose, with your makeup. You are my heart, my soul, my everything, Buggy. You are my the most favorite clown in the whole word!!" She kissed him on the cheek. "If I knew that I would be so happy, believe me, I would have gone to look for my sister a couple of months earlier, to meet you earlier!"

"Cathie-pie..." Buggy exhaled and took her hand. "I.. Well..."

"I know, my love." Catherine pressed her forehead to his temple. "You know what? Let's go home. On the way, we'll stop by your favorite pastry shop and buy you some eclairs. And we'll stop by and buy you your favorite hot dog. What do you think?"

"Sounds like a fucking good plan." Buggy chuckled.

[eridanidreams]

WIP Wednesday

I'm late today, and missed Sunday; sorry, all, it's been a long week for me.

Tagging: @bearlytolerant, @silurisanguine, @aro-pancake, @fangbangerghoul, @atonalginger, @aislingdmdt, @fshenkoescape, @ninjaofnaps, @lisa-and-shadow, @a-cosmic-elf, @thatsgoodsquishy0, @hockeydemon42, @fomagranfalloon, @violenceandviolets, @therealgchu, @staticpallour and @artemis-crimson

She jerked her head up, barely missing his chin, and stared at him; a single tear escaped to draw a bright trail down her cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb, then cupped her face in his palm. "I've talked to you about things that no one—I mean no one else knows about. You know everything that's important to know about me, good and bad, and if there's something I forgot, I'll tell you. Because I trust you. And because I want you to know." He wrapped his arms around her a little more securely; not so tightly that she couldn't escape if she wanted to, but enough to emphasize how much he loved her, loved having her close. Pressed his head against hers, breathing in the faint scent of roses from her hair; he just wanted to take a quiet moment to appreciate something that mere hours ago had been a distant dream.

Slowly, he felt her relax in his arms—not all the way, but enough that he thought they'd gotten past that particular worry. "I never thought of it that way," she murmured. "I just—you didn't have any choice in it. Wouldn't have blamed you for getting mad about it."

Sam took a deep breath, deciding to just face that problem head-on. "My temper scare you?"

"No." Cait sounded pretty definite about that. "I mean, I know you have one, but you seem to have good coping mechanisms for it. And the few times I've picked up on it getting loose—well, I figure Lillian would drive even the most controlled person to fits, so…" She shrugged, and he chuckled at her apt description.

"I was angry at the world in my younger days," he admitted, "but when Cora was born, I knew I had to get a handle on it. Ended up talking to someone about it for a couple years; got rid of some of it and better tools to deal with the rest." Now it was her turn to reach up and lay a comforting hand against his cheek, and he made a soft hum of enjoyment. "Mmm. Did me a lot of good." He turned his head to look her in the eye. "Regarding this—connection, I don't see any reason why I should be upset with you. Not like you did it on purpose, right?" She shook her head. "And it's not hurting either of us—" a sharp spike of worry jolted through him "—it's not hurting you, is it?"

He felt her tense right back up. "I don't… think so…" she faltered. "It's always seemed… right. Like—like that's how I'm supposed to be." She let out a bitter-half laugh. "Should I be scared that it doesn't scare me? And it's—it's all tangled up with the way I feel about you. Loving you." She ducked her head, half-burying her face in his shoulder, a note of shame entering her voice. "I've—I've never felt like this. About anyone." Her voice dropped to a bare whisper. "Love, desire, any of it—I never even dreamed it was possible. Not for me." He could hear the tears fogging up her voice. "Never thought I could be this—happy."

Sam just held her, rubbing his hand comfortingly up and down her arm and back, and letting his feelings do the communicating while he considered what she'd said. Since their first visit to Neon, he'd been keeping an ear out for things that might indicate one of her mental landmines. The most glaring sign was when she hadn't thought about something, which meant her comment about love and desire was waving all the red flags. It didn't surprise him—he already knew home and family were on the list—so he chose his words carefully. "Then I guess it's a good thing we both want the whole package, isn't it?" He smoothed her hair out of her face, relishing both the silken feel of it on his fingers and the soft sound of happiness she let out at his touch. "Gives us time to court each other right and proper." And time to work through the things someone didn't want you to know.

"Are you sure?" Cait whispered. "You couldn’t have expected me to be so… high-maintenance.” But Sam was also paying attention to how she was almost buried against him, like she was trying to soak in as much of him as she could. He wrapped his arm a little more tightly around her, reassuringly.

"Not gonna lie," he admitted, "if you were to say, 'Make love to me right now, you sexy beast,' I'd happily oblige you." She made a choked little noise that he thought was a laugh. "But Cat—I love you as you are. If all this is new to you, you should have the opportunity to enjoy it, figure out what appeals to you. I don't mind if we take some extra time to make you comfortable; it'll be time well-spent." He smiled down at her. "And even if this is all you ever want, then it's still more than I ever expected to find."

"I, um, don't think that'll be a problem…" she said, more than a little hesitantly.

"Dare I ask?" The question of whether he desired her, of course, had been answered for quite some time; his libido perked right up at even the hint that she returned his interest, but he shoved it right back down. Time enough for that later. "You've piqued my curiosity," he added.

Cait tilted her head up to meet his gaze. "I've had some… interesting… dreams lately." She grimaced a little—he was prepared to deal with her embarrassment, but she didn't seem embarrassed so much as uncertain. "It—took me a while to figure out why."

Sam waited a few moments. "You gonna finish that thought, darlin', or just leave me danglin'?" he teased her gently.

"Because I love you," she said softly. "And because… you see a person when you look at me." She closed her mouth tightly, as if afraid she'd said too much, the specter of what she hadn't said hanging in the air between them.

"Yeah," he said, keeping his eyes level on hers. "I do. A person who managed the epic feat of getting me to fall in love with her. A person who deserves every bit of happiness I can give her. A woman who loves me right back." He felt himself smile again at the thought of it. "Truth be told, I've had a few interesting dreams about you, too." That brought a blush to her cheeks, and she ducked her head back into his shoulder. "Hell," he let out a sigh. "Too much too soon?"

She shook her head quickly and muttered something that sounded like youdidnthavetotellmethat.

"Cait," he said softly. "Just say it."

"I already knew," she blurted out. "You've been having them since Denebola." When—oh, hell. When he'd realized that he loved her. When he'd pulled away from her, terrified of how far and how fast he'd fallen. When she'd retreated to the Eye, claiming nightmares.

"I'm sorry," Sam said, his voice gone rough and tight with contrition. "I should've told you. I was…" he let out a sigh. "I was just afraid, because happened so fast. It was like I turned around and you were… so much more than I ever dreamed possible." He smoothed his thumb across her cheek again. "Why the blush?"

"Felt like I was eavesdropping," she muttered. "I mean, the inside of your head's supposed to be private. Surface emotions are one thing, but dreams… they're harder to keep out when I'm also asleep."

"Mmm. I can see that," he replied. Funny, though, how it didn't bother him one bit. "I meant what I said, love. Not going to blame you for what you can't help." And he couldn't help but tease her a little bit, try and lighten the mood. "And since you've already shared mine, we could always discuss your dreams." He grinned. "A little more of that turnabout and fair play business."

"You jerk," Cait started laughing, and he watched the faint hues in her eyes shift back to a good-humored blue-green. "You would, too, wouldn't you?"

"'Course I would," Sam said easily. "I have standards, you know. If dream-me isn't doing the job properly, well," he gave her a smirk. "Someone's got to rise to that challenge."

Her laughs turned into fierce little giggles—the double entendre clearly wasn't lost on her—and it purely warmed his heart to see her unreservedly happy for once. Her giggles faded into a bright smile and an intent gaze; her hand stole up to touch his face again, tracing the line of his cheek and caressing down the line of his jaw. He let out a little sigh of pleasure at the touch. "So soft," she said, in a voice of wonder. Her fingers trailed down toward his lips, and then paused—he could feel them tremble. "Sam… can I—" She breathed in unsteadily. "I'd really like to kiss you," she whispered.

[deathfavor]

I've been contemplating this topic for a little bit, so I'm going to make an effort to explain the differences between Kazutora and Izana's sense of trust issues & abandonment. Hopefully it will make sense.

In a single sentence, I would summarize the difference as this: Kazutora's trust issues are more external while Izana's are more internal.

What does this mean? Let's look at Kazutora first.

Kazutora has, essentially, always had this mentality of wariness of others. He grew up in an environment that encouraged this sort of wariness and trust issues, and it was fed in part by his mother's repetition of the idea that is one this side or that side, right or wrong, black or white, yourself or others, etc. Kazutora keeps people at bay like a wild animal, snapping and snarling and running when they get too close. For Kazutora, he genuinely believes that everyone will become a traitor. That that is what people do. They will betray and abandon you at one point or another, in some form or another. He explictly states it as human behavior. This is why Kazutora had the idea to not let people close. He pushes them away, deals with things on his own, because he doesn't trust people.

It takes a lot to break through that. Baji is obviously the one person we see really manage it. He sticks by Kazutora when he tries to run away before Toman was ever formed. And eventually, that relentless determination leads to Kazutora finally trusting him. When Kazutora does, he does so intensely. It sets off a different set of issues in that he's afraid to lose Baji, but he does TRUST Baji. The same goes for Chifuyu in Bad Toman. ( Bonten I did not include because it may be different - we don't see much of their dynamic and it lacks a lot of the situations that i think would lead to that in Bad Toman. ) Once Kazutora trusts you, he trusts you. He lets you in. He still tends to try to downplay or hide things like any person does, but he really does open up more. If you can climb the walls of trust issues, you're welcomed by Kazutora inside the castle. He won't really doubt the trust unless you do something to explicitly make him DOUBT that trust. That's why his trust issues are more external. Kazutora won't trust you until you really, really prove to him that he should and that you mean it, but once you do, you have his trust.

Kazutora's trust then creates the abandonment issue, as we see how detrimental this is to Kazutora. His mind cannot handle that sort of situation, and it immediately reverts to self preservation. When it comes to it, Kazutora and Izana are both ones to prioritize saving themselves and their minds. Which, as we see with Kazutora, means eradicating any threat - Shinichiro, Mikey, and then for a moment, Baji.

Now let's look at Izana.

Unlike Kazutora, Izana didn't ALWAYS have the trust issues that he has now. He just didn't, and we can see it with how easily he connects to Kakucho at a young age. He also genuinely believed he promise that he gave to Emma before he was sent off to the orphanage. They began to crop up in the orphanage - plenty of research has gone to showing this is often a product of children in orphanages ( along with other issues ). It became about survival in a way. But Karen and Shinichiro were a big part of what ultimately sent his trust issues and abandonment spiraling out of control into becoming the beasts they've become.

Izana's trust issues are more internal because he will rewrite the narrative so to speak if he needs to for his own sake. Izana has always been distant and picky, but he had trust. With discovering the fact he wasn't who he thought he was, everything went wildly out of control. Izana has an extremely difficult time trusting people. He's more likely to trust abilities over people.

After what happened when he was twelve, he hates being vulnerable. To him, trust is actively a weapon. ( Kazutora, on the other hand, looks at it more as a trap than a weapon. ) Trusting someone is giving them a knife and hoping that they aren't going to stab you to death with it. Part of his loathing with trust comes into Izana's need for control. He hates not being in control, and giving someone trust means giving them some control and power to hurt you. He doesn't want to be seen as vulnerable. But with a lot of slow determination, Izana can and does start to trust. He starts to let them closer and get away with things he would hurt or kill other people for.

At the same time, fear of abandonment or betrayal still dig their talons into Izana. Izana can't fully shake the fear that he will be abandoned like Karen did to him, or how the reveal with Shinichiro left him feeling abandoned. Unlike Kazutora who trusts once you earn it, Izana can never fully give all of his trust away. It might be very tiny and easily soothed, but there's a part of him that will always fear abandonment. This can sometimes lead to Izana rewriting narratives in his head for the sake of keeping himself 'safe'. Even if part of him knows its fake & a lie he's telling himself, it helps. For example, saying Tenjiku only follows him from fear. I don't think Izana fully believes that, I think he does know there's more to it ( but he DOES think fear/reverance has some part of it ) and that they actually care. But it's easier on his mind to think that way. If they follow him from fear, they don't care, which protects him in a warped way. He can cut the attachment he feels, at least in the moment of high emotion and chaos in his head, so it doesn't hurt him. He tries to protect himself from the sharp edges of trust, which sometimes means protecting himself from the soft parts of trust as well. That's why I say his is internal. He primarily focuses on his own mental space.

I'm not sure if this all made sense or not, but I hope it can offer a bit of an insight to the difference between Kazutora & Izana's trust issues. For Kazutora, the idea of abandonment/betrayal is the active threat that drives him, while for Izana, the very act of trusting itself is the weapon he fears.

[theleatherdragon]

Sorry for the ramblin

Welp, I guess it's time for another dumb journal from me. I've been really dealing with a lot of things and changes these last couple years and I think I'm finally starting to realize my life is shifting.

It's hard to like, I dunno, but when you've been online for 20 years it's kind of wild. For me, I guess it felt like I had to keep doing the same things and the same ideas and be the same person, but that's impossible.

My brain cannot words right now lmao

Anyhoot, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really need to just change and not be scared to change. The things I did 10 years ago, I don't have to keep forcing myself to do them just to appease others. I've let my art suffer so much trying to do what I think people want me to do between raffles and fanart and all sorts of things, challenges, etc.

This past month has been the worst month of my entire life, I literally thought I was gonna die a couple times because of how my body reacted to medicines and stuff. Still don't know what's wrong with me, thyroid stuff, but I think it really kick started my mind into looking back at things.

Like, why did I miss out on so many things because I tried to do projects I had no time for? Then, when I didn't do them in the time I wanted, I guilt tripped myself over and over and put on even more new projects in hopes that I'd do those instead.

I am rambling lmao I don't even care though. I guess I just want to get it all out there, to whoever, why you're reading this who knows. Life is funny that way, ain't it?

But yeah, I just need to start actually letting go of things and move on to new things. I'm tired of trying to pretend I'm into the Skylanders fandom this much. Like, I love the charaters and I love the memories, but this current state of the fandom is so toxic and it really shows. I don't want to be so involved anymore. I'm tired of running my AskSkylandersCynder blog, if you can even call it running anymore. I made that thing 10 years ago and the last 4 years I just don't have any interest, even though I force myself to. It really was the best thing I did at that time but I just need to let it be.

All those challenges and Inktobers and other things, I tried to force myself to do those for other people, not for myself. I just need to stop doing this man, I miss just drawing just because. I guess from the constant moving around in life and being around terrible people irl made me want to hold on to the ideas that I'm helping others online with my art when it probably didn't even do anything.

I'm just tired. And I'm done being tired, I dunno what this second wind is that I got this month but I'm not gonna lose it this time.

I'm still into all my fandoms and stuff of course, and I'm still going to make art for other people. Don't even get my started on Art Fight lmao you better believe I'm aiming for 100 pictures this year. But I'm done forcing myself to feel like I HAVE to do these things. No more to do lists, no more holding onto old projects, no more trying to keep up with things that should have just ended by now.

I just wanna live my life man, I just wanna draw. I never cared about the numbers, hell I've had pageviews and stats adblocked for years now, I really don't care about those. What I care about is making people happy by drawing their characters and drawing their favorite characters. I don't want to be famous, I don't wanna be tied down, I just wanna draw. And I wanna see your art too. I love all the characters and concepts and just ugh I love it, I don't know why.

I wanna be what I wanna be.

I'm definitely done rambling now. Usually I feel bad about it but I just don't care anymore. I'm gonna go work on art now lmao I hope you guys are all doing awesome, and maybe you can figure out life too. Edit: I had some more thinking after posting this while cleaning the house. I also realized that this mindset I put on myself is what made me get so distant from people too. I got too overwhelmed at trying to keep up with so many things that it made me essentially start time travelling where I didn't even consider things existed until they were in front of my face. I've lost touch with so many people out of shame between not remembering and going "tomorrow, for sure." I want to change that too. I shouldn't have let a few bad people ruin everything for me. I got scared of commenting on art because of a few people that didn't deserve my time, lashing out at me for not saying what they wanted to hear. I also got scared of just not fitting in. I have so many compliments and things I wanted to tell people for years but I was just too scared to and I hate that. I'm going to start being more social again with that. I feel like that made me look stuck up or something, I dunno. I'm just so afraid of hurting people about anything when in reality I bet it doesn't even bother them at all. Like how messed up did I have to become that me giving someone a compliment terrifies me into thinking I might ruin their day lmao help