#so that over the summer i can do draft 3! and probably a lot more like line by line editing

[blublublujk]

bound 2 (falling in love)

oneshot

word count: 6.5k

genre: fwb to lovers

pairing: yoongi x reader

summary:

You and Yoongi were okay with being friends with benefits... until you weren't.

warnings: i tried to focus on fluff (did you catch it or did i fail), explicit sexual content; unprotected sex (they make love to each other), choking and breath play (hello it's yoongi), multiple orgasms, slight overstimulation, crying (is it really my ff if there's no crying involved), creampie, very cute aftercare and i think that’s all, this is more sweet than anything lol

a.n: believe it or not this wasn't apart of my drafts i wrote this all one night because i couldn't sleep so thank my insomnia for this, it was about time i write about yoongi :D

also i noticed a lot of you are reading it was destiny and love always wins and i wish you guys wouldn't only because i plan to rewrite some of it and continue them at a further time (chaptered ffs are so hard for me rn since i don't have all the time in the world to dedicate myself to them but i promise to be back with those two series) thank you for everyone who takes time to read what i write it really means so much and your comments have been so motivating. thank you so fucking much for 2k notes on good girl, gone bad i havent seen numbers like that ever im so so grateful, thank you from the bottom of my heart. i'll try to be back one or two more times this month and happy late birthday to me hehe <3

—> m.list

—> welcome me on ao3 & twt

—-

It happened again.

Another failed date to add to the sad list of people that simply will never workout for you.

The list was growing longer as months passed. When you started this list, it was barely the start of a very hot summer. Probably the hottest it’s been in years, one can only assume the winter will not be any easier. 

And you were right. Winter was only beginning and it was brutally cold. The streets were moist from the previous night of harsh rainfall. 

What better time to date and settle down than now. When the world gives you rain, settle for the warm arms of a lover.

Unfortunately, you made a grave mistake thinking this would come easy. Ten first dates later and you are still very single and loverless. 

It is not easy to go out during a time like now, suffering at the sight of happy couples and their stupid happy lives. Really, it should disgust you. It used to. The whole concept of devoting your entire life to someone. The need to constantly feel the tender touch of another person. The desire to fall in love and do it all over again, you get it now. At least, you think you do. 

“I don’t think this is gonna work.” The words fall from your mouth in a quiet rush. The man across you sits in silence before he smiles in his loss. 

“Don’t worry, I figured. It seems your mind was elsewhere. I know you don’t want to pursue anything romantically, and that’s fine with me, but is everything okay?” 

Is everything okay? Well currently, yeah you’re okay. As for your heart, it’s heavy and strangely, you feel there’s a hole in your chest and it needs to be filled. That would fix things, you think. You have been single for so long that you forgot what it was like to love and cherish someone. Not that you have ever truly loved or cherished anyone, but you’ve gotten close. If a silly relationship you had in your sophomore year of high school counts. Then yes, you’ve totally been in love. 

“I’m okay. Thanks for asking. I didn’t mean to lead you on, if it ever felt like I did.” The apology seems bitter in your mouth. Another failed fucking attempt. How difficult can dating be? Have you really been this disconnected with the world around you? 

“Don’t stress it! Things happen. I hope you can find what you’re looking for. See you… around?” The man’s understanding response makes you feel worse. Maybe you should consider deleting Tinder and finding love naturally, if that’s still a thing in the contemporary life. 

“Yeah, totally!” And like that you’re off to the next. Giving yourself plenty of time to bathe in your disappointment and miserably cry about your failed attempts at finding what you’ve been missing. Who knew dating could be so difficult?

The walk back home is just as cold as the outcome of today’s date. Your date insisted he could drive you home and if not that then pay for a cab, but you didn’t live too far from the restaurant you both met at. Though he insisted, you figured this walk could refresh you after yet another failure. You were starting to regret it as the cold wind started roughly hitting your skin. Preserving the chilly weather, you genuinely couldn’t wait to get home and wrap yourself in a bundle of warm blankets and comfortable clothes. 

Cold hands struggle to open your door, you blow on them with warm puffs of breaths, soon making your way in and getting comfortable in your humble apartment. 

yoon: you up?

And that, that is what made this harder. The fact that you knew there was someone completely capable of loving and caring for you the way you desired. You have seen it with your own eyes. Every time you ended up in his bed, in his arms, you felt it. Deep down you know something is there and that something beats everything else. Maybe you’re just delusional, but you look for him in everyone else and you hate it. Hate because you will never be anything more than his personal little whore that comes at the sound of his call. 

me: yeah

Normally, you aren’t dry over texts, especially not with him so he’ll see right through you. You’re hoping for once, he can ignore it. 

He won't. 

yoon: you ok?

me: been better

yoon: wanna talk about it?

me: no, i'm ok

yoon: ok, wanna come over? 

Yes, because during a time like this all you want is the comfort and warmth of someone else’s touch and Yoongi has never failed at giving that to you. But he is not yours.

And you are not his. 

me: not feeling well. sorry.

yoon: sick? 

A white lie never hurt anyone. 

me: yeah, throat hurts

yoon: im sorry 

me: it's not your fault maybe another time.

Though you really shouldn’t say that. There should be no next time. That way you don’t suffer any longer and drag him down with you, considering everything you’ve been feeling and dealing with lately. It’s not fair to Yoongi, but especially yourself.

He doesn’t reply anymore and you can’t even hide your disappointment. You aren’t disappointed at him, okay maybe a little bit at him, but mainly yourself and your recently found complicated feelings. 

You and Yoongi started this whole mess a year ago, before you even realized what you truly wanted. It started off with subtle flirting here and there. They say not to mess with coworkers, given that it can complicate things at work and one should never play with their main source of income, but you did it anyway. You are still young and he only made you feel younger, like a teenage girl crushing over her forbidden crush at church. It was silly, but Yoongi made it easy. 

The flirting turned to one thing, then another. 

“We shouldn’t, not here.” Yoongi had you pinned outside the club you both worked at, leaving trails of wet kisses down your throat.

“Five more minutes.” His words were muffled into your skin as his hands explored your body. Yoongi’s touch was always way too soft for his own good and you fell victim to his deadly warmth. 

“If Mr. Kim finds out, he’ll kill us and fire us both.” That was a bit dramatic on your part and you swore you felt the taller smiling against your neck.

Yoongi drops one last kiss on your cheek as his hot breath hits your ear. “Not if I kill him first.”

You gasped, pushing him off you with a quick smack to his chest. “D-Don’t even joke like that.” 

Yoongi just laughed. 

“Okay, okay baby.” The term of endearment fell from his lips too easily and you melted into the dark night. “See you after work?” 

You only nodded, not being able to deny his temporary warmth and sweet presence. Then he dropped a kiss on your lips, leaving you just as quick as when he first found you. You were fucked.

From there, it only got worse for your sake. Your heart could only take so much. 

Really, you should blame things on him. It was his fault you fell in love with him and his stupidly soft hands. It was all his fault! He left you no choice but to love the feel of his lips against your skin, to easily melt under his soft gaze, and find comfort in his unnecessarily warm bed. Yoongi was perfect. Everything you could ever want. 

That’s why it was so fucking hard. Dating was hard enough, but after feeling Yoongi’s intimate touch, you were a complete goner. Though he was far from it, Yoongi touched you like you were his and he would fuck you like a lover would. Kissing and making love to you as if you were the most beautiful woman on Earth. It was all too much. 

Fuck, you really needed to get a grip.

The knock on your door makes you jump from your couch. 

Ten minutes longer and you would have fallen asleep exactly where you were lying. In outside clothes and all. You didn’t even bother taking off the outfit you had carefully planned thinking that this lucky outfit would have finally taken you somewhere. It didn’t. 

“Coming!” There’s not a single person that should be outside your door, especially at this hour. Your feet make their way to the door regardless and the blood from your face drains when you see the person standing behind the door. 

Quickly, you unlock your front door, rushing the taller inside. “Hurry! It’s freezing! What are you doing out here?” 

Yoongi’s cheeks are surely frozen, a pink dust decorates his cheeks and the tip of his nose. It almost makes him look cute. You were far more gone than you imagined. 

He hustles inside, carrying a fairly large brown bag with him. He brought… groceries? 

“Took you long enough.” The taller one makes himself at home, laying his bag on your coffee table. 

“What are you even doing here?” You ask again. 

He ignores you. “Thought you said you were sick. You don’t look very sick?” 

Yoongi looks at you with a questioning look, his eyes wander your outfit and guilt starts eating your insides. 

You cross your arms, an attempt to hide yourself in shame, but what’s done is done. “I- I had plans.” 

“Yeah, I see that.” He simply says, standing awkwardly in your living area. 

If this doesn’t convince you to delete that forsaken app for the sake of your dignity and shameful behavior, you don’t know what will.

“Anyways, w-what brings you here?” 

“Brought you some stuff.” His hand waves over to the bag he carried inside. 

“Stuff?” You question, a bit dumbfounded, planted still in your place.

“Tea, cough drops, some soup I made earlier this week. Oh and flowers.” Yoongi doesn’t seem at all embarrassed or fazed about the situation. Not that he should be, but he speaks with a puff to his chest, as if he wanted to ensure you understood his every word and action. Like any concerned lover would be. As if he was yours and you were his.

Oh.

This was so so bad. For you and your weak heart. Fuck.

“I-“ 

He cuts you off before you even get to speak. “I don’t know if you’ll like it. It’s just some plain seaweed soup. Usually helps me when I’m sick. I’m not sure what flowers you like, or if you even like flowers. Do you? Their tulips. I did a bit of research before. My mom likes tulips. I figured you might like them too.” 

He did research? Double fuck! 

Yoongi was nervously rambling, now he was slightly embarrassed. Pink flushes his cheeks and it wasn’t the weather’s doing this time. 

“Yoongi…” You start breathlessly and in disbelief. 

“What?” He nearly stutters, his hand is shaking. He’s nervous. Who would have thought? 

“Why.” Is all you manage to ask. 

“You were sick.” Is all he replies. As if things were really that simple. What next? Would he come rushing to the hospital if you suddenly fell ill? God forbid, but it was a valid question. 

What was going on? For a second, you entertain the idea. Maybe he fell in love between the blurry lines of this complicated relationship. Were the shared intimate memories too special for him to forget too? You weren’t sure anymore, but what did this all mean? Maybe he loves you, as much as you love him.

Thoughts keep spinning and you wish there was an easier way to turn off your brain. Not now.

“I know, but why? Why all this? Why for me?” Your vulnerability is showing and it makes you feel weak. Maybe your hands are shaking too. 

“I don't understand?” Yoongi searches for the answer in your glossy eyes, he’s tempted to reach out and comfort you. Have you in his hands, but he’s too coward. He doesn’t want you to feel the shiver of his touch right now. His vulnerability peaks through as well. 

Why not you? It’s always going to be you. 

“I-I’m nothing to you.” There’s a shiver again and then you break. 

Yoongi doesn’t care anymore. He’ll consider the consequences later. Right now, none of it matters.

His hands hold your face, ready to wipe the tears that threaten to leak from your precious eyes. He hopes his hands aren't cold anymore from standing outside for so damn long, but he couldn’t stop himself, in his selfishness and all.

His hands shake slightly, trying to stay strong as he lays it all on the table. “Y/N, you’re everything to me.” He whispers, eyes never leaving yours.

You lay your own hands on his, you feel so delicate around him when you wrap warm hands around his cold wrists.

“I-I am?” You ask between sniffles. His hands are still pretty cold, but they’ll soon warm up against your soft skin. Nobody knows how desperately you need to be touched until you are and then it’s like little fireworks spark inside your body. It consumes you in the best way possible.

“Of course. I thought I made that obvious.” His eyes are soft, different to how he typically looks at you, but you’ve seen these same eyes before. They are no stranger. It’s similar to the look he gives you when you catch him staring at you while you are deep in work. He pretends to look away as if he wasn’t admiring you from afar and you pretend that you don’t notice his curious eyes. It’s the same look he has after you both end up in heated makeout sessions, behind the rusty club you both work at. And it’s definitely the same look he has while he settles on top of you, whispering sweet words of praise and promise.

Nothing should feel different but it just does, there’s something in the way he looks down at you that lets you know that everything you’ve been searching for has always been right here. Right where you’ve been all along.

The taller leans in and you freeze struggling to keep your eyes on his. Yoongi’s thumb brushes against your cheek with a soft touch. You were fragile between his hands and he’s willing to do anything to keep his precious flower safe. “Can I kiss you?” 

“Yes. Please.” You whisper back in a hurry, scared that this would be nothing but a dream. It wasn’t time for you to wake up yet.

His eyes zero-in on your lips and then he’s kissing you. It’s not much different from other times. After all, you guys have shared plenty of kisses, probably more than you should have considering you guys were friends with benefits, at most. But this time, the kiss isn’t just a careless lust-filled doing, no this time the kiss is a promise. The promise to never again allow you to question his feelings and intentions towards you. 

If Yoongi has to spend his whole life making this up to you, he simply would because that’s how much you meant to him. He can’t believe he even let this go on for this long. He should have been more clear and careful, but he doesn’t regret a damn thing. Not when he has all the time in the world to repair the time lost. And especially not when his reckless actions led him to this. To you.

Yoongi’s lips are soft and bend with yours with ease. He takes his time, never in a rush. Especially not when he has you in-hand. 

The taller doesn’t escalate the kiss. He keeps it sweet and gentle, like he always has been. “I’m so sorry baby.” 

Kiss.

“For?” 

Kiss.

Yoongi has the whole world in his hands right now as he looks down into the sparkles in your eyes and he’s never been so sure about anything in his life. “For being a fucking idiot.”

Kiss. 

“It’s okay.” A kiss is shared again. “I was an idiot too. I was just scared that you wouldn’t want that with me.” 

“Want what?” The taller questions, fingers trailing your face, admiring the imperfections and all. 

“A relationship, I mean. You seemed content with how our relationship already was. I was afraid of losing that. Of losing you.” You admit, eyes fluttering at his touch. 

“Of course, I want that. I want that and more. I-I’m not the best with relationships. I’m only saying this because I want to be open and honest with you. There’s not a second you aren’t on my mind. While at work, you are all I can see. In a crowd of a hundred, my eyes always find yours. I don’t know how to explain what you do to me. But I don’t mind. I think if I ever lost that, I would lose my mind. So I’m sorry if I ever made you feel the opposite. There’s so much more I want to say, but I just don’t know how. I want that. I want that so bad. A relationship and whatever more you give me. I might not be the best boyfriend but I’ll do whatever it takes. I- I love you.” Yoongi’s words are heartfelt and he’s so relieved. One because he’s been keeping this in for so long, any longer and he would have exploded, but second because he’s been dying to say those three words. He really does love you and Yoongi doesn’t love many people in life, but if he had to choose, it’s always gonna be you. 

The tears that were creeping on your eye-lids fall prettily down your face, but Yoongi comes to your rescue. He’s quick to wipe them off your pretty face, tempted to kiss them away, but he keeps that in for now. “Y-Yoongi… I love you too. So much. I think I always have. You are so easy to love. The way you look at me, care for me, and always show up for me. That says more about you than anything else. I tried dating to get over what I felt for you, as you can probably tell, but nothing worked. It was so easy, Yoongi. So easy to fall in love with you. You’re perfect and I don’t doubt that you’ll be the best even after all this. I love you.”

“I love you too, I love you. Fuck, I love you.” Yoongi kisses you again and this time he isn’t as gentle. His lips are still soft as ever as they curl around yours. His tongue comes out and you immediately allow access, letting him explore your mouth. The taste is much better now that there isn’t anything you both are holding back. Everything down on the line and you couldn’t be happier. The hole in your heart was never empty, it was just waiting for this exact moment to remind you that you’ve always had it all. 

“Yoongi.” In between breaths you call his name and Yoongi feels his knees lock. “Take me to bed.” 

Yoongi just nods in a trance with the way your tone drips of arousal. A long strand of hair falls on his face when he picks you up with ease off your feet. He takes you to the place he’s had the honor to visit a hundred times before, but it’s different this time, much different. 

In the process of it all, something falls and it causes you both to laugh until you run out of breath. 

“I can’t believe that just happened.” You laugh into his ear. “You owe me a new lamp. My mother bought me that, you know. House-warming gift.”

“Fuck, sorry.” Yoongi mumbles near a whisper as he grips you harder like he’s afraid he might drop you next and the idea makes you giggle because you know he would never purposely hurt you. “I’ll apologize to your mother directly. Buy you and her a new lamp, whatever it takes.”

“What makes you think you are meeting my mother?” You tease with a smile on your face, watching the blush rise on his cheeks. 

“Well, I figured we could, you know, if you would like–” Yoongi doesn’t often get shy about many things but he can’t keep calm around you and that kills him softly.

“I’m just teasing you.” You say and he bites his lip. “Of course you’ll meet my mother and my father and my nosy ass family. I hope you like annoying, persistent grandma’s that stuff you full. My grandma’s the worst of her kind, but she’ll love you.”

“I would love to.” Yoongi simply replies, still whispering as if you guys had to keep quiet or else you’d be in deep trouble. 

“Why are we still whispering?” You whisper back, roaming fingers through his long, gorgeous hair. He needs to remind you to thank his mother personally for insisting he keep his hair long because it made him look pretty and you could never disagree. Yoongi’s so pretty. 

“I-I don’t know.” 

You both smile at each other before sharing another kiss. It’s so sweet and if you weren’t already off your feet, you would be floating by now. He’s gentle when letting you drop into the sheets below, he finds space between your legs and you wrap them around his hips. Lips still in contact, never losing the plushy feel. 

Everything starts to feel hot. Your hips start to slowly grind against his begging for any sort of friction. But the kissing doesn’t stop. 

Not when you start whining against his lips. 

Not even when Yoongi starts trailing his fingers down your waist and around your curves. He teases his fingertips against your waistline, soft to the touch. 

It’s not until you mewl loudly into his mouth, skillful tongue playing with yours, as you feel him start unbuckling your pants, button-by-button. 

Yoongi’s eyes are heavy-lidded, his gaze burning fire. “Gonna take care of you now, is that okay?” 

You furiously nod, coming up to kiss him once more, both your lips are raw and sensitive, but it gives you more of a reason to fix it with even more kisses. 

He drops one quick kiss onto your mouth before he trails down your jaw. Yoongi breathes in the sweet scent on your skin, wishing he could feel you even closer. “Smell so damn good.”

His voice is raspy against your ear and it makes you blush, while you feel his hand finally touch you where you had been aching with need. “Wanna hear you.”

Breathing lightly, you whisper. “Make me.” 

And of course, Yoongi makes you regret how fast you said the words because he delves his fingers forward with little resistance. Two fingers stretch you at the same time, gasping at the sudden sensation. 

By now, you were molded to fit Yoongi’s fingers. On days where you were really in need, you would take four, all at once. Yoongi was best at reading every expression, every crease and scrunch to your face, especially emotions. He knew exactly how to curve his fingers, the way to build you up, and bring you back down. Yoongi knew it all and he was so lucky too. 

He never anticipated it would have gone this far. It was just sex to begin with. But who were you both kidding, it was always much, much more. 

Yoongi curves his fingers in the way he’s used to and watches your mouth drop, sweet noises soon leaving your lips. “Feels good?” 

There’s no need to ask because he can tell. Your expression tells him everything he needs to know. That and the fact that you are dripping around his fingers but it’s sexier hearing it from you. 

“Yeah… f-feels so good.” With his other hand he tugs your clothes off, leaving you bare on the bottom. Remembering the first few times is a bit embarrassing, but Yoongi always made sure to take his time and make you feel comfortable. It was special and memorable in its own way, and Yoongi felt it too. 

This is unlike any first time, but it was technically the first time you could officially make love to each other until you fall lovesick and that had to be impossible around someone like Yoongi. 

“Hold your legs open for me, flower.” You try to ignore the warm feeling that buzzes in your chest, but you are sure your face says it all. Without another word, you spread your legs open, tucking both hands behind your thighs.

“Flower?” You breathe out with a bit of a struggle as his two fingers continue to pump deep inside you, brushing repeatedly against your g-spot. 

“Do you not like it?” Yoongi smiles slightly, biting his bottom lip while he watches you start to tremble, making the prettiest sounds. 

“I do. Why the new name?” Voice a bit unsteady but it does the job. Yoongi thinks of all the times he thought you were as pretty as a flower, which really was all the time. Especially, in the way he has you right now. Pretty, pretty as a flower. 

“I’ve always wanted to call you that. You’re pretty, sweet, delicate. Just like a flower.” He justifies his reasoning and you melt into puddles. 

“Yoongi.” Voice sweet as honey. 

“Yes baby.” He replies with ease.

“Make love to me, Yoongi.” 

There was a time in his life where Yoongi believed he could live without love. How foolish of him to think so. When he met you, it was a complete three-sixty. Suddenly, Yoongi started to look forward to his shit job. He looked forward to that time between breaks where he could admire you from the back like a pinning loser. Yoongi even started to like the walks he had to take to get to work because he knew that the path would eventually lead to you. He started looking forward to tomorrow's and to the bright future that led ahead. His mom would often complain that he was wasting his life away waiting for it to start, but Yoongi thinks life truly started the day he met you. 

It was a bit awkward because you couldn’t even look him in the eyes, intimated by the staff and new environment. You had previously worked in different bars so you assumed it would be no different and it wasn’t, but the intimidation of a new job was there nonetheless. Yoongi was there every step of the way. He had a crush on the new employee and you needed help on fitting in. Either way, your friendship was very platonic until it wasn’t. 

Yoongi knows he should have said something along the lines “hey, maybe we shouldn't be doing this anymore. I’m in love with you and I have been since you started working here” but the stupid words never made it out. He felt it would be too much to hear and it would only make him look like a complete loser. 

And you felt the same. It was silly really, because everyone around you knew it and there was no reason to fear someone as easy going and non-judgemental as Yoongi, nonetheless it brought you both here. After many failed dating attempts, you were finally happy and in the arms of someone who you truly love and want to be loved by. 

There was a time in his life where Yoongi believed he could live without love, now Yoongi believes your precious, sweet love brought him back to life and he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. 

Clothes now discarded on the floor, heavy breathing filling the room, and Yoongi could get wasted on the smell of your intoxicating perfume. “Breathe flower.”

Yoongi felt you shiver at the sound of his words, throwing your head back as he thrusts you full of cock. He pushes inside you with gentle movements, struggling to keep himself up while feeling the tug of your warm velvet-like walls. 

You gasp feeling him hit your cervix in a calm, slow pace. It was breathtaking regardless of the gentle rhythm. “You’re so deep...”

“I know flower, breathe baby, breathe.” He is struggling to keep from coming inside you, overwhelmed by his own emotions as your eyes roll back, feeling the pressure rise in your belly. Without a condom, everything feels so different from other times, feeling every ridge and crease fold inside your drenching heat. You take him so nicely, like you always have. Like you’ve always belonged to him. 

You don’t even notice you stopped breathing until you start feeling lightheaded and desperate for fresh air. Breathing just as much as necessary so you don’t faint, you shake your head against his hold, his eyes watch yours, observing with curiosity. 

“No?”

“Mm, n-no.” You shake your head again, whimpering when you feel him kiss your cervix with his swollen tip, over and over and over. “Can– can you…”

“Can I what, pretty flower?” Yoongi rolls his hips a bit faster, feeling his orgasm build too quickly. He wishes he could have days with you like this always. Days to love and worship you from head to toe.

“Choke me.” You manage to say. “Don— don’t wanna breathe.” 

Yoongi growls deep, increasing his speed even more, desperate to fill the deepest part of your glistening folds. He feels you tense underneath, the sounds coming from your mouth are loud enough for your neighbors to hear, but Yoongi stopped giving a fuck about everything around him. 

He places a hand on your throat and squeezes gently, not blocking off your airways completely, but leaving you just enough air to work with. It drives you insane. The more you breathe, his rough thrusts take the air out from your lungs and the process repeats. It feels so good.  

“M-more. Harder.” You barely hear your own words, but Yoongi seems to understand because his dick is moving rapidly inside you, nearly splitting you in two. You wrap both hands around his wrist, loving the heavy weight against your chest. It’ll end too soon and it disappoints you in a way, but you have all the time in the world to make this up. “G-Gonna come.” 

Yoongi nods, concentrating on the way your face scrunches with pleasure. With love. The way your eyes tell him a story. God, Yoongi’s madly in love. “Come, my precious flower.” 

With those final words, you come on his bare slick cock, blossoming in the blissful afterglow. Yoongi doesn’t stop thrusting inside you, but he takes his hand off your throat, kissing your face gently when he sees tears start leaking down your cheeks. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay baby. Breathe for me. Slowly.” Yoongi’s words bring you back down and you throw your arms around him, crying against his shoulder. You don’t even know what invoked this strong emotion to sob your eyes out, but Yoongi allows it, caressing the back of your head. Yoongi doesn’t judge, he only holds you until you settle down. “It’s okay baby, let it out. Breathe, pretty flower.” 

“C-Come inside muh-me, please.” Even after all that, you still beg for him and Yoongi wants to laugh but for your sake and the fact that it’s endearing to him, he delivers accordingly without further questions. 

Right as he’s going to paint your walls white, he pushes himself up with one hand, still holding you with the other. “You sure?”

You’re confused about the sudden question, the tears still decorate your face but then you understand. “Birth control. Just come in me Yoongi, fuck me, fu-fuck.”

Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to regain his brutal pace, fucking you with purpose. Not that he doesn’t want kids in the near future, but he sure as hell doesn’t want any right now. He’s glad you are on the same page but maybe one day the conversation would spark and he wouldn’t want the mother of his kids to be anyone else but you. You were perfect for him. 

“Gonna come.” That’s the only warning you get, then he’s emptying himself inside your tight walls. He doesn’t stop rolling his hips, his slit leaking puddles, until he’s pumped himself dry. With one last thrust, he groans and carefully pulls out. 

He brings you with him, head falling against his chest as he continues to play with your hair, leaving kisses into your bare shoulders. “You okay baby?”

“Perfect. Feel so good.” You mumble into his skin, feeling around his waist. “I’m leaking your come into the sheets though.”

“I’ll take care of it, pretty flower.” You nod sleepily into his chest with a quiet ‘thank you’, feeling completely sated and satisfied, aching with exhaustion. “Sleep baby, I got you.”

With that, you fall deep into the shackles of sleep. Yoongi rubs your back until you completely fall asleep in his arms. He struggles to unwrap himself from your hold, but when he finally succeeds, he tucks you in and kisses your cheek a few times before getting up to clean up after the mess you both created. 

He’s light on his feet, bringing a warm towel to your slick folds and wipes as best he can, being gentle so you could continue to enjoy your sleep. Even like this, you look so beautiful and Yoongi is an extremely lucky man. 

Yoongi makes sure to also pick up the lamp he dropped from earlier as well. He blows out a breath of relief when he notices that the damage is nothing big and nothing that can’t be fixed. He’ll make sure to fix that as soon as he can. 

While he’s out there, Yoongi places the tulips into a vase and fills it with water, placing it near a window where it could grow and blossom beautifully near the sunlight. He even cuts the tips into slants because he had heard somewhere online they last longer that way, making sure to get rid of any dead leaves and petals. Yoongi couldn’t be happier.

After he’s done with the light cleaning, he washes his hands and feels the exhaustion hit him tenfold. He’s careful when placing himself back in bed, lifting your arm and placing himself underneath you. The man smiles when he feels you curl yourself around him, sleeping soundlessly. 

“I love you.” He whispers and even though you don’t say it back Yoongi feels it with the way you melt into his arms. Yoongi falls asleep easily that night. 

…

“Baby.” Yoongi hears someone call him and he ignores it. Sleep calls his name louder and he doesn’t feel like waking up right now so he groans and cuddles deeper into the bedsheets below him, unaware of the life around him. 

“Baby wake up.” You keep calling sweetly and it’s tempting but he persists.

“No. Don’t wanna.” Yoongi grumbles like an old man and you can’t help but to laugh. “Just ten more minutes.”

When you woke up the next morning, you were so thankful Yoongi had kept his promise. Your apartment was flawless and you were as clean as you could be. The tulips looked prettier today as the sun shined on the delicate petals. You even had time to warm the seaweed soup he brought from home and you couldn’t wait to get a taste. The smell alone is delicious and it warmed your home up nicely, you truly couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that this was no longer a dream but your reality. You could definitely get used to this. 

You drop kisses onto his warm cheeks until his eyes flutter open, almost similar to a cat. “There you are.”

Yoongi pulls you into his arms again with quiet noncoherent grumbles and closes his eyes once more. “Give me ten minutes.”

“It’s already been ten.” You whisper lightly laughing. 

“Oh. Ten more then.” You get comfortable on his chest and cuddle for a bit longer because you can’t say no to his cute sleepy self. 

Yoongi starts to sniff the air with curiosity. “Is that the seaweed soup I brought you?” 

“Mhm.” You hum. “Better get up soon before it burns.” 

That manages to be convincing enough and Yoongi forces himself up, with you in his embrace. 

“Wanna wake up like that forever.” He says, voice filled with sleep. 

“You can.” 

Yoongi snaps his heavy eyes towards you. “Are you–”

“Move in with me, Yoongi.” Yes, you skipped every step to this, but nothing was ever to code between you and Yoongi. One thing you were so sure of and that was spending the rest of your life with him. “Please.”

“I- yes, of course.” Yoongi wraps his arms around you for a tight hug, kissing your temple. “I love you. I love you and I’ll prove it to you every single day.” 

“I know, I love you too. I love you.” Those three words come out from your mouths so easily and it’s nice that you no longer have to ever hold back. The man of your dreams is in the palms of your humble home and he’s in love with you. This was better than any dream. 

“Let’s eat?” He says after some time of hugging and kisses being interchanged. 

You nod, letting him take you there. Your kitchen is filled with the cruel aroma of food and your tummy rumbles as you sit comfortably while you wait for him to serve you a bowl of the warm tasty soup. 

“I should be doing that. I’m a terrible host.” Yoongi shakes his head while smiling, the fluff of hair moving with him, then your phone dings. “Hold on, give me a second.” 

Your heart drops when you see it is a Tinder notification from a man you promised to get back to. You look over to find Yoongi serving your bowl, making his way to the table. He leans in puckering slightly and you immediately lean into the sweet sudden kiss while he places your meal in front of you. This Yoongi is new because it wasn’t often you could act domestically towards one another, however this was perfect and just what you needed. 

“Everything okay baby?” Yoongi asks while caressing your soft cheek and you immediately nod in his palm. 

“Yes, everything’s perfect.” You reply in awe. “Thank you Yoongi, for everything.”

For letting me love you and for loving me back. 

The older man just smiles and joins you for the meal. 

It turns out you didn’t need Tinder after all. 

You quickly delete the app off your phone and start to eat with the love of your life, conversation flows while you enjoy each other’s presence and fall deeper in love. 

Alike Yoongi, you couldn’t imagine it happening any other way. You were bound to fall in love, one way or another, but that man was meant to be yours as you were meant to be his.

[zarvasace]

It’s “appreciate yourself” hours! Pick five pieces of writing/art that you’ve done that you love and talk about them! ❤️❤️❤️

Ahhhh okay, thank you!! 💜🌻 I finally have a free moment (aka work is slow) so I'm going to work on drafting this out :) I have far too much art I'm proud of—I'm at a stage in my progress right now where I think my art looks pretty awesome. So this list will be stuff from my Greatest Hits collection on AO3. In order of oldest to newest, I think:

incandescently happy

An LU post-adventure work, one of the first longer fics I posted. I released one chapter a day over the summer of 2022, so a lot of the notes have something about my day in them. It's about 30k all told.

I absolutely adored expanding on what the boys might do after the whole LU adventure happens (though I did forget about the fact that I think Time and Malon have a kid during this time!) This work features some proto-Shatterproof stuff, like Wind having a prosthetic leg and Four starting to specialize in crafting prosthetics/disability aids. I gave Hyrule longer hair and a job making maps for the royal family. Legend got another adventure but also started a magic garden/orchard, which pulls in more business than Ravio's stuff. Four and his grandpa adopted a single mother and her two kids. Man I went off with some of these headcanons. I've always considered writing more in this world, but I think it stands very well on its own. Maybe someday I might revisit and rewrite it with some of my new skills. :)

Rise and Shine and Fall

Whumptober 2022, focused entirely on LU! Guys this thing is almost 78k. I realize now that most people pre-plan or pre-write for things like Whumptober, but I wrote these one by one every day, which was extra-hard because I had both college classes and a day job at the time. I came up with some fun AUs, learned a lot about writing (especially whump), and proved to myself that I can do hard things like this!! I've adored doing daily challenges since, though I haven't done it in a while. I look forward to this year's whumptober though!

I really like the table of contents in the first chapter—it makes things easy to find. I know individual works are probably more accessible, but I was still getting to know AO3, and those big numbers are fun. XD I have a hard time picking favorites, because I really went off on these, but I'd say a couple of them are:

Chp 3, "Right Here" about Sky

Chp 7, "Proof of Life" about Four and Shadow

Chp 18, "I'm onwy a babey :(" about Wind

Chp 21, "6:13" about Hyrule and Time

Chp 26, "Silence is Golden" about Wild

Chp 31-32, "The Worst Thing About Earth" about Legend, but kind of more specifically the rewrite/expansion I did last year... haha...

The Marvelous Misadventures of Wind and His Merry Band or Maybe-Human Heroes

It's been a while since I updated this story (56k, 6/8 chapters), but it's constantly on my mind. I've started chapter 7 twice, and I know what I want to happen, but I am easily distracted by the siren call of some other whump fics. XD

I freaking love this story, though. I really want to finish it. It's kind of an... experiment? I guess? I want to get published someday, and I picture myself writing middle-grade novels. This story is sort of my attempt to hit that tone. Also I just love Wind so so so much. Let him be cool!!

Blood-Sucker's Guide to High School

56k Four Swords completed story! I wrote this in a frenzy of like two or three weeks, then took another two to edit. It takes plot points from a vampire novel I enjoyed and twists and applies them to a story about Shadow and the Four Swords manga boys. I'm very proud of what I accomplished here, and that it's a complete story! I think it worked out really well. I learned a lot about plotting and handling larger stories, and it helped that I had the half-remembered structure of an existing novel to use as training wheels.

I love the worldbuilding in this story! The premise is that Shadow is an evil soulless vampire from a (rather abusive, not that he sees it) family of the same, but then he gets the ability to walk in the sunshine. He's assigned to go to high school for a while to get a feast for the vampire gala, but meanwhile he's developing a conscience and getting very attached to these human boys. I think I did a good job. I love rereading this, every scene is just so fun! :)

Counterbalance

55k exactly of a stupid LU darks AU. This started life as a series of oneshots and then the plot progressively got more and more convoluted and I love these stupid boys so much. The plot is very much not tight, in contrast to Blood-Sucker's Guide, but I learned a lot about how I write and how I like to plan with this one, too.

The characters are stupid and the plot is just kinda silly and there is both a bathhouse scene AND a spa scene. Legend blows up multiple things, my lovely nasty little Dark Links need smacks and therapy, and Prince has a legitimately emotional moment at the end. I love how it turned out, it's like an ugly little stuffed animal I made and hug until the eyes pop out.

That's five but I would be extremely remiss if I did not also mention something from Shatterproof:

The Incredible Shrinking Chain

About 10k, this is entry 31/68 in my series Shatterproof, which is a close-canon AU in which each of the boys has a different physical disability. This series also plays into my publishing ambitions, because whatever I publish will very likely have some disability representation. I'm rather passionate about it, actually! Shatterproof is close to my heart, and I'm so honored that so many people seem to love it too. :) I need to work on the next entry again!!

This entry in particular is so much fun. In it, the whole Chain sans Four is stuck mouse-sized, and Four has to travel out to Twilight's castle with them to get Dusk to help break the curse. They all have to figure out how to navigate while tiny, and Four pulls some very silly stunts. I love them.

Anyway, there's my list!! I've written a lot over the last like two and a half years, and I'm so so glad that I get to be here and part of this community. The LU fandom as a whole (or at least the parts I've seen!) is so welcoming and positive and I try to give back where I can! I'm going to suggest looking through my bookmarks and ultimate rec list collection to find some new favorites from some very talented authors! :) (oof I need to update the collection soon!! I've been seeing some awesome stuff!)

[shiroselia]

Guess who completely missed I've been posting on Ao3 for over a year now, so to celebrate that almost two weeks later, behold! Self-promo!

I know, I know, but I suppose since I've been going for a year(???) now I might as well give a little Summary on what the hell I've been doing over on the Ao3, and also have a bit of fun with it in the process.

So, who the hell am I? I'm Manda Shiroselia EquestrianEquivalent, and apparently I'm an Ao3 publisher now. Sentence I never thought I'd say, but here we are!

What do I write? Well, primarily I write for Fire Emblem, Honkai Star Rail, and Star Stable Online. More precisely, I'm a character dynamics connossieur, which means I'm mostly writing character interaction and/or ship-focused fics because that's what I find the most fun! I generally average about 3-5k on my oneshots, but there are shorter (and longer) ones, so if length is something you're particularly picky about, you'll have variety in there, promise.

My personal favourite choices of the Fire Emblem variety are, coincidentally, my two most recent Fire Emblem fics! Soft Pegasus Feathers, and Dream of Me.

Good stuff, fun times, huge self-reccs of mine.

In terms of HSR, well, I've written. a lot of those, but I'm particularly, well, well-known might be a stretch, but those of you who subscribe to JingFu might recognize me for my most popular fic, Better Luck Next Time, or for my newest piece of insanity, KONTORSRENOVERING.

Better Luck Next Time is probably the best introduction to my writing style you will ever find, especially since it's kind of responsible for me finding my style, and it's also incredibly funny, if I do say so myself.

KONTORSRENOVERING is a great introduction to my particular niche, which I like to describe as "It could've been a fanart, but I'm glad it's a fic." If you read it you'll know exactly what i mean by that! Both of them are fics I hold very near and dear, so obviously I recommend each of them in particular.

And as for what I write for SSO? Well. I don't know if you have ever sorted that tag by word count, but if you have, you might have come across a certain little fic called A Quintessential Jorvegian Summer Vacation.

Which is, well, a lot of things. It's the entire reason I started publishing on Ao3 to begin with, my life's work pretty much, arguably my magnum opus really, and the entire reason my friends both discovered and has since never let me live down how fucking nuts I am.

It is the most taxing out of all my works, since, you know, check that chapter count:word count and you'll understand. I'm currently in the middle of reposting the last 4 chapters, because yes I've rewritten every single one of the first 24 chapters and counting, and once that is done, I'm going to rewrite the entire fic. Which is really just a first draft into a second draft, but considering how much I've changed as a writer throughout the 10 months I wrote this behemoth of a fic (first draft clocked in at 280k words so you can imagine how much effort this fucker took), it needs some maintainance.

With that being said, even if you don't know what the fuck a Star Stable Online is, I genuinely suggest you check this out anyways, because I legitimately think it works really well as just a standalone horse adventure magic fantasy. And a tragedy. Apparently. Supposedly. According to my friends who know too much about this fic.

It's going to take a fuck ass while to publish this entire thing, and I talk about it all the time on this blog, but there is so much love put into this fic, and I'm not abandoning it ever, it will be published, mark my word.

So that's essentially a "quick" summary of what the fuck I'm doing over there at the Ao3s. This mentioned like half of the roster, so there are a few more things over there if you're curious. And there's more to come, like a lot more to come.

For example, I'm currently working on two longer HSR fics, one starring Himeko and Pom-Pom, and the other starring Jiaoqiu featuring Bailu and Lingsha. I've also gotten way too into Zenless Zone Zero, and I'm definitely going to write a few fics for that, so far every one of them featuring Nicole. Other than that I have a lot of silly Fire Emblem ideas lying about (most of them related to Awakening, which means more Chromia in particular), and I'm no stranger to just throwing out a fic for the hell of it, so you might even be surprised!

And with that, Manda out, and happy late Ao3 anniversary to me <3

[kabira]

a much-needed update.

hiiii so i realize i've pretty much left everyone here hanging for the past year, almost? and mentioned reposting on ao3 about a billion times but haven't really followed up on it. i've toyed with multiple ideas, like reposting, rewriting, deleting this blog off the face of the earth to disappear forever (jk), etc but! i've done some soul-searching in the sweltering summer and finally come to a decision.

there isn't a lot keeping me in this community now, but writing - for fun - isn't something i want to stop doing, because it's really important to me even outside the context of a fandom. i've become pretty rusty lately, though, owing to the fact that my last stint with writing a full-length piece was over a year ago, and i haven't really had the time or brainpower to chase down those plot bunnies (though they remain persistent). however, there's nothing that makes me want to write more than going through my old fics and being horrified by my many mistakes <3 so <3 i will instead be slowly rewriting and reposting my old fics.

does this mean i'll delete the old versions? probably not, because i like to see my own growth. i'll leave them unlinked on the masterlist and floating around on my blog in case anyone wants to revisit them. can't say i'm going to fix every single fic, but i'll try to do most of them. might even combine a couple of them into a single continuity (looking at you, spider-vernon).

i know i'm the prime example of all talk and no anything else, but i swear i'm going to try my best this time. hell, i opened my original draft of bhobc last night and redid the whole last scene on a whim, so i'd say the process is already in swing. if i can't bring myself to commit to something completely new, i'm at least going to try and redo what i already have. until then, i have some new ideas brewing that i'll probably end up either posting on ao3 (here) or my genshin blog (here) because i don't think i can fully come back to writing for kpop anymore. there's a million reasons for this, but the one that stands out the most is the way this community has responded to the events of the past few months.

despite all the atrocities being committed in gaza, i haven't seen most people even deem to comment on the state of affairs or use their accounts to bring light to them (some have talked it about their mains and not their kpop sideblogs with a SIGNIFICANTLY larger following - i wonder why!). even if you say it's for the sake of keeping content apart, why does this divide exist to you, truly?

it's disgusting to see that even some of the people here i used to respect haven't mentioned it, instead choosing to talk about their favorite kpop boy or, i don't know, what sonic character they'd be. even if something happens within the fandom, the outrage seems to be only momentary, a couple untagged posts expressing disappointment here, a two-week break there, and then they're right back to writing egregious smut as if nothing ever happened. where's your anger? where's your fucking humanity?

anyway, tldr, i'll be rewriting a big chunk of my fics and reposting the older versions anyway. also, fuck you to everyone who's been silent about the ongoing genocide.

[nerdnag]

The time has come for me to finish my philosophy bachelor's.

...Lots of ramble below. I mostly just need to get my thoughts out, but there is a plan by the end!

For those of you who were around in May, you may recall that I struggled a lot to get a sort-of-presentable draft ready for my supervisor, hoping to be able to hand the thing in before the end of the semester, and was then completely slammed down into the dirt by said supervisor when he returned the draft a few days later with... pretty strong words about it. Few of which were positive. I couldn't bring myself to read the comments he'd left in the actual document at the time, because the email was enough to bring me to tears.

Yeah.

I mean, he wasn't wrong, it was just a bit shocking to have him go from "hey, how's it going for you, the thesis treating you well? oh and here's a link to a fun video i found on the internet" one day to almost-kinda-petty critique the next. And also, I am wholly unused to disappointing teachers, supervisors, mentors or superiors of any kind. That may sound strange considering my ADHD, which should in theory have gotten me in lots of situations like that, but my entire life, I've usually managed to make use of three things that have helped immensely to get things done well and on time: 1) special interests/obsessions/hyperfocus, 2) perfectionism and performance anxiety, and 3) high IQ. Number one has helped with motivation and creative flow; number 2 has helped motivate me through shame; and number 3 has helped me "bullshit" my way through assignments/relatively easily create a coherent and acceptable final product without doing all of the actual work I should have done (...and also making the actual work I do put in a pretty good quality).

But for some reason, these tactics didn't quite work out this time. I could come up with many different ideas about why this was, but one really important part of it was probably the fact that I've been heavily overloaded with work at my job and still haven't fully recovered from the immense stress I was under from March 2022-June 2023. I might not be able to recover from that period of my life without doing some pretty extreme changes in how I live my life, and although I've been working on trying to make some of those changes over the course of the first half of this year, it hasn't been impactful enough yet.

And so in the middle of this, of trying to recover from a backlog of both work and stress, while still being under quite a lot of stress at work (although not even remotely compared to how it was a year ago), I was also trying to write a bachelor's thesis in my spare time.

Oh, and did I mention I also took on a volunteer position in my spare time from April onwards that has demanded quite a lot of time?

(Jfc why do I do this to myself. ...Because it's fun and I am bad at saying no. That's why.)

Anyway, enough rambling about what's happened and the reasons for it - long story short, I realised I wouldn't be able to finish the thesis in time, and so I told my supervisor I'd hand it in by the end of the summer instead. And wouldn't you know it, the end of summer is closing in. :)

So with the help of my partner, I managed to finally open the document containing my supervisor's comments, and rather than lose myself in complete and utter anxiety and horror over the words, we could sort of laugh over how unnecessarily harsh he was being. (I guess my supervisor actually was a bit disappointed, since he'd seen before that I was more capable than that. I don't blame him.) I also realised that it wasn't quite as bad as I had imagined, and that my life isn't actually over and done for. So yeah. (He even had a couple of positive comments for me, actually.)

Then we made a plan for how to tackle this thing. I'm going away on the 22nd of July, so the goal right now is to have a finished draft to send to my supervisor on the 21st. Then he can read it, give comments, tell me whether he gives his approval or not, and after I've made any necessary adjustments, I can hand in an opposition version by the middle of August. Since I am currently on vacation, and I do need to actually try to wind down from work as well, I've settled on working on my thesis for 3 hours each day, starting tomorrow (the 13th), and my deadline each day is noon. If I realise after this Sunday that I need more time, I'll increase it to 4 hours every day.

It should work. I know what I need to do, and my supervisor's comments are clear. I enjoy writing and doing research and I will finish this in a way that I'm proud and happy about.

So there. That's my promise to myself. I'll climb out of this hole, fill it in with new dirt, and then start building the collapsed tower of blocks up again.

[iamacolor]

2023 sewing projects - part 2 details at the end of the post (click here for part 1)

Note: I work for a fabric shop so I get most of my fabrics fabric for free as well as some patterns as I have to be wearing our products at work (I definitely consider it a perk). Without this job I would not be sewing as much and I'd probably be buying most of my fabric second hand or on sale as I used to do before. I also sometimes sew during work hours so keep that in mind if you're also a sewist, go at your own rythm 💜 Although I have basic training in pattern drafting I prefer to sew from pre-existing patterns to save on time (as i have to regularly make myself some new clothes for work) and discover new techniques and styles - but I often change stuffs to adapt the designs to my style.

1 - same pants as in part 1 but this time in a double wool crepe from italy (i found it in a charity shop and the border says so in italian - it's absolutely gorgeous, i found 3 pieces of it at once for like 10 € each. I made a dress in the first piece, then these pants in the second)

2 - dream dress in a coton double gauze - the gingham is sized differently on each side of the fabric so i had fun deciding where to put which but i had less fun gathering all of that fabric (the nice thing is it's super light and i get a lot of compliments on it) - the pattern has a short sleeves version that i'd like to make for this summer

3 - a simple tee made in ribbing fabric (usually used for the collar and wrist pieces on sweater) - the pants were made last year but they're the same pattern as the pink ones in part 1, just the slim leg version!

4 - another super quick make in a modal fabric (it's so soft and nice to work with), the last one i made in june before my tendinitis stopped me from touching my machine for a couple of months (and tbh i maybe shouldn't have made this one lol)

5 - first project back on the sewing machine during the summer holidays, very quick one in the remnants of the linen-viscose blend i used to make the matching set in part 1 (can you tell i love this fabric and this colour?)

6 - a mini retro skirt in coton gabardine - the skirt was made to be short and as i'm taller than the average height used in patterns i lengthened it but almost not enough as i ended up having to do a single fold of 1cm to hem the bottom instead of the usual 1 + 2/3 lol

7 - ok so this one...i went in with no pattern and not much thoughts tbh i took this striped fabric and decided to turn thop of the piece into a plain colour by folding it repeatedly so that the folds would reveal the secondary colour by opening - it was super long to make especially because i just cut straight on the side instead of taking into account the fact that I am very much not straight from the waist down to the hips so i had to do a little fixing on the side seams once all the folding and assembling was done before i could put in the zipper. I was very proud of this skirt when I finished it but I've only worn it twice since then (september lol) because it's absolutely awful to iron it (and although i stitched every single fold on one side i still have to press them all one by one)

8 - these curtains are made in a wax fabric given to me by my grandmother who got it from a church friend who brought it from her homecountry in Africa (can't remember where that is, sorry) - they're lined in a dark navy coton so they can be more occulting (the same used at the bottom for the ruffles as the piece of fabric was too small for my curtains to go all the way down). I did this project in an evening so the inside finishes are very rough and i didn't even iron them but i was hellbent on finishing them on the day I started (after months of just having the fabric draped over the window as a makeshift curtain) - it doesn't show too well on the pictures but the darker yellow is actually gold!

[ginneke]

hiii, I love all your revalink fics, and I wanted to ask if you have already thought of how you wish to end the "A seed of a song" one, since it's a favorite of mine.

Thanks for your time, and thanks for writing such beautiful stories for everyone to read <3

Also, I've just read "Deflective practice" and I've loved it, it went straight to my bookmarks lol

English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any typo

Hello there! Thank you for such a lovely message.

A Seed of Song is a favourite of mine as well (in fact it probably is my favourite), and although the precise way I plan to end it isn't yet set in stone — I still need to be able to respond to any surprises the characters throw my way, after all! — I do have a general sense of the direction I'm aiming towards, and I'm confident of a lot of the steps that will take us there.

There is still quite a lot of ground I want to cover, and a lot of characters we've missed spending time with thanks to Revalink's disappearing act — Zelda chief among them! Her own relationship with Link is a very important one, and their dynamic also has a lot of potential to develop. (She should be back with us in chapter 7, and I've been playing around with a side-story or two from her perspective as well.)

(And speaking of characters throwing surprises at me, you can expect some platonic Zelvali friendship development down the line as well!)

—

I'm also delighted to hear that you enjoyed Deflective Practice!

Back when I posted A Study in Patience, quite a lot of people wanted to know what would happen 'the morning after' when Revali (particularly when Revali) woke up. The thought stuck with me for a long time, and I kept prodding it over last summer, wondering which direction to take it.

I must confess, there was a point where I was having a bit of a crisis of confidence about whether it was a story worth telling versus just being a story I kind of felt like telling. A dear friend of mine gave my scattered early draft a read-through and thought there was more than enough there to make them want to read the story in full — many, many thank yous to @ofstormsandfire for encouraging me to continue (and letting me babble until I found a title.)

[marvelcriminalhoe]

The Great War

Chapter One: Pirates

Steve Rogers x Reader Zombie Apocalypse AU

My knuckles were bruised like violets • Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked • Spineless in my tomb of silence • Tore your banners down, took the battle underground

TGW Masterlist

AN: Slow updates for this but here is chapter one. I have been writing A LOT over on wattpad (Have three stories going. Yeesh.) right now there’s a lot of personal stuff going on so all my stories are slow updates. This has been in my drafts for awhile though so thought I would finally get it posted.

Word Count: 2,316

Story Warnings: Zombies. Blood. Gore. What do you expect in a dystopian world. Strong language. Eventual smut. Could contain heavy content or topics, read at your own caution.

Summary: Some called it the end of time, others the zombie apocalypse, but most people called it The Great War— the living vs the dead. At first, that’s how it was split, only two sides fighting. But as the years drew on, the lines began to blur and the world became even more dangerous. When a new group makes itself known in your area, it’s your job to decide if they can be trusted or not. Especially when tragedy seems to strike and a fight against more than just the walkers is on the horizon.

The sound of dripping water echos through the destroyed pharmacy. It’s the only sound outside the quiet shuffle through the practically barren shelves of your search team. This is the only pharmacy within fifteen miles of your camp, and you know this is the last run you’ll be able to make here, having to go farther out the next time. The thought sets you on edge. The farther the runs the riskier they are. But you do what you have to do.

Your camp has rules, especially on runs, only take what you need, don’t horde, and don’t make noise unless absolutely necessary, the walkers are attracted to the noise. You know most people, especially now, take everything and anything they can. But your camp still believes in the laws of humanity. The laws set in place during the beginning of the pandemic. 

1. Water and shelter should be your main priority. 

2. Don’t horde supplies, everyone needs something. 

3. Don’t fight them unless absolutely necessary. 

And the last one, maybe the most important, 4. Do what you need to survive.

The world changed a lot in the beginning. Food, water, and medicine flying off the the shelves faster than demand warranted. This led to the rise of outbreaks as more and more people went looking for supplies, it also led to the start of fights against each other. As time went on, the pandemic turning into an apocalyptic situation, the Great War started and it only got more out of control. Places that were meant to be safe zones got ransacked by pirates, men that wanted to horde and control everything. More and more places became unlivable, making more and more people victims to the walkers. 

Splitting up into smaller groups seemed to be the best option, not trusting outsiders. Your camp was more likely to survive that way. But small numbers could lead to dangerous situations if a walker pack found you. Advantage in numbers always meant more in the end.

Your camp is fairly decent in size. Stationed at an old school, it has plenty of room, buildings, and space. A nice twelve foot fence sits around it, and multiple wooden towers were built for look outs. You have great room for a garden during the spring and summer months. Even growing a few veggies during the fall to stalk up for winter. The school had some Ag barns available too, giving you place for a few cows and goats. You have a couple horses to help around camp too. It’s a nice camp, probably one of the nicest, not that you have a lot to compare it to though.

Your family was one of the first with the camp, helping build it to what it is now only a year into the war. Though just a year later, you were overrun by pirates and almost lost the whole thing. They had disguised themselves as refugees claiming to need safety, to want a home. They used the woman and children within their group to their advantage, but just as you all had let your guard down, letting them into your camp, trusting them, treating them as friends and comrades, they turned on you. 

You lost a lot of good people that night, your father included. He was the only family you had, surviving for that long, only to die at the hands of greedy men. It sickened you. Most of the people left were in the same boat as you, losing family, friends. Left broken by the devastation of not only what life is now, but the grief of never getting it back. When you were able to banned together again, start rebuilding, most turned too you for direction, which lead to you taking on more and more responsibility as time went on. You were able to build up the school again, and now, two years after the initial mutiny you suffered, the basecamp is better than before.

Peter, the other lookout partner in front of the pharmacy, turns to look at you, whispering out and drawing you from your mind, “Do you see that?”

You look out the windows, following his gaze, and see a small movement of a shadow across the way. “Guys let’s hurry it up, we could have company.” You tell the two in the back going through the aisles looking for supplies. 

“Friendlies?” One calls back, making you whisper under your breath as you see more movement, “they’re never friendly.” 

You make sure your gun is loaded before bringing the butt of it up to your shoulder, looking through the scope with your right eye. You can tell immediately that they aren’t walkers, just by how they carry themselves. But there are at least 4 that you can see, all together, which puts you on edge. 

“Alex, hurry it up.” You yell when you see where they’re direction is headed, “We got maybe four minutes before they come in here.”

It takes two more minutes before Alex and Miles finish grabbing the supplies they can find, coming to stand by you and Peter. 

“Is there a back way out of this place?” Miles questions, and you have to sigh, knowing there is, but it’s a longer stretch to get back to the bikes, “Alright, stick close, we don’t need anything to draw attention to our location. I don’t think they know we’re here. Let’s keep it that way.”

You receive three nods from the teenage boys. They might still be young, but they’re the best when it comes to runs, fast and efficient. All of them alone like you after the betrayal. 

At first, when they sort of stuck to you like small ducklings, you found them extremely annoying. Especially when they would beg day after day to get to go on runs and be part of the scout teams. Some days you still find them annoying, but they’ve turned into little brothers to you, and they’ve proven themselves ten fold in their duties. 

The three of you sneak out the back way through the broken door, trying not to step on all the glass and debris around. Going this way, your forced to walk two extra blocks to make it back to the bikes, but when you get into view of them, your happy you had to go this way, as there’s extra coverage than the front offered. 

You put your hand up, stopping the boys behind you as you spot the two men at your bikes. Their weapons are by their sides, hanging off their shoulders as the look the bikes over. You put your finger to your lips before gesturing with your hands how you want the boys to approach, lifting up your gun as they do the same. You flip the safety off. 

“On your knees.” You make your presence known with a gun to the blonde mans back. He puts his hands up, as the other man reaches for his gun, being stopped by Peter, “Don’t even think about it.”

“We don’t want any trouble.” The blond man says as he slowly turns around to face you, you take a step back in case he makes a move for your gun. He’s a lot bigger than you, probably stronger. He stands at at-least 6’5, arms and legs fully muscled. His broad shoulders are strained as he understands him and his buddy are out numbered when Alex and Miles make their appearance. He’s more of a dirty blonde now that you can see him closer, face full of a beard. He has small scars on his face, as most people do now a days from such harsh living, and his eyes are blue, dark like the night sky. 

“So you’ll have no problem getting on your knees then.” Your shrug nonchalantly, face stoic as you keep your gun trained on him, target locked right where his heart should be. You aren't taking any chances, you don't know these strangers. You don’t trust them. 

“Okay.” He gestures with one hand for his buddy to follow his lead, getting on his knees. His friend follows him down, but with a dirty glare on his face. 

“You bandits?” The black haired man spits out, and you roll your eyes at his accusation, considering they were the ones looking at your bikes, “No, just people that don't like strangers touching their bikes.” You gesture with your chin for Alex and Miles to get on one of the bikes, waiting until Peter gets on the other one before climbing on behind him, gun still pointed just in case. 

“We didn’t know they were anyones.” The blonde man reasons as he starts to put his hands down. He watches the four of you curiously and you don’t like that he's studying you. “We wouldn't have come near them if we knew they were someones.” “Right.” Miles scoffs, and you send him a look. Don’t antagonize the very big men, Miles. The teenager just starts up the bike, Peter doing the same. you don’t lower your gun until Peter starts to drive away, trowing it over your shoulders as your arms move wrap around his waist. 

Looking back over your shoulder, you make out that the two men are no longer alone, four new bodies beside theirs, all watching the bikes drive away. You recognize one of them, the short blonde girl, and you realize she was one of the people you saw in the scope back at the pharmacy. 

You face forward again, an uneasy feeling in your stomach that you were never really outnumbering the men. Your stomach churns more at the thought that this might not be the last time you see them. 

“How’d you do?” Jean, one of the nurses at the compound, ask as you and the boys place the medical supplies on the table in the lab room. Alex starts to fill her in on what items you were able to acquire as you instruct Peter and Miles to take the food bags to the cafeteria for distribution. 

You don’t usually make it a habit to do consecutive runs together— food, pharmacy, and base supplies— but you knew this could very well be the last run in that area and wanted to take advantage of it.

“Any problems?” Logan questions you as you put the gun over your shoulder on the table beside him. Logan is fairly older than you, having been in his forties when the outbreak started. He lost his wife and daughter in the beginning before making his way north, running into you and your dad. You traveled to the school together, making it what it is now. He was there for you when your dad passed. You don’t trust anyone as much as you trust Logan.

Logan was in the army before the world ended, having knowledge of tactics and weaponry and all the scars to prove it. His wisdom is beneficial and he's usually the one to train the recruits and over see scouting duty stations and scheduling. 

“Yeah.” You shrug, but he can see your jaw clenched, rising a brow and waiting for you to explain whatever it is that’s plaguing your mind, “We had a small run in with some others but nothing serious.” “But you’re worried.” He summarizes, being able to read you like a book after all these years, “You think they’re pirates?” 

“Dont know.” You shake your head, running a hand over your forehead, “But I don’t think we’ve seen the last of them.” “I don’t know of another camp this far North.” 

And you sigh, because you haven't either, “Thats what I’m afraid off. They're either new, which is entirely plausible, or they’re travelers.” 

“Either one could be a problem.” Logan nods, his mindset the same as yours. 

Whoever they are, you hope they stay far away. 

“You boys alright?” Nat questions Steve and Bucky as her, Yelena, Sam, and Clint make their way over to the two men. 

Bucky scoffs, “You could have come out, what if they had shot us?”

“If they knew they were outnumbered it could have spooked them.” Nat rolls her eyes at the man, “We don’t want unnecessary fights, remember?” 

Steve nods to the girl, “You did the right thing.” “Who do you think they were?” Yelena questions as she watches the bikes disappear. 

“Pirates.” Bucky spits out, venom lacing his voice, but Steve shakes his head, hands on his hips as he watches the now empty street where the bikes once were, “Nah, I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, they were too clean to be pirates. Young too.” Sam agrees. 

Bucky frowns, “The girl was older though, at least in her 20s.”

“Think they have a camp here? Or it’s just them?” Nat asks. 

“Did you see their bags? They were gathering supplies. This was a run for them. They’re probably part of a camp.”

“I didn’t know there was a safe zone this far north?” Yelena’s eyebrows furrow as she tries to think, “I thought the closest one was like 200 klicks from here?” 

“Maybe it’s not a safe zone.” Nat remarks, “Just a small camp.”

Clint nods, before tilting his head, “Maybe. But the stores were basically wiped clean, we got a few things but not much. Wonder how they did.”

“They didn't take everything? They had to have been in there before you guys.” Bucky observes. 

Clint shrugs, “If they were, they didn’t take all that was left.” 

Steve turns over to his best friend, giving him a pointed look, “Doesn’t seem like pirate behavior to me.” 

Sam sighs, “Whoever they were, they’re gone now. And we should get going too. It’ll be dark soon, we need to get back to the others.” 

Steve nods as the six of them start making it back to they’re set up for the night, his mind set on the woman with the gun pointed at him, wondering who she is, and how she's managed to survive this long with three teenagers. 

Maybe they're wrong and there is a safe haven near by. Maybe they don’t have to try and travel another 130 miles before reaching a proper shelter. 

Its a dream, Steve knows that. The likelihood of that being true is slim. But the longer they're traveling, the harder its becoming, and the more restless they all become, especially the kids. He just wants his people, his family, to be safe. 

As safe as they can be that is. 

[raccoonfallsharder]

Do you have any advice on making time for writing and avoiding burnout? I'm impressed by the amount of projects you have and how they're consistently high quality.

oh love. sunshine. you tiny fresh vanilla seed (precious & delightful // it is a luxury to interact with you). so first i’m gonna apologize because there’s a 99% chance this is not the advice you’re looking for and SURPRISE i wrote another novel. (so also jot this down… my being prolific is helped by the fact that i literally cannot shut the fuck up to save my life). anyway here are my rules for writing

1. don’t look at the man behind the curtain (in this case that’s me). I had 70% of window and probably 90% of sweatshirt girl drafted before i even started revising && posting individual chapters/ installments. it gives the illusion of me cranking out a new chapter every week but i do NOT do that. i just try to revise once a week. maybe write a half+ chapter of something new. it’s not an illusion i create on purpose. i just know i need TIME to rest my brain before I come back and revise or it’ll start all looking the same to me. so i def frontload my writing before i start posting.

i also do this because i need at least the ghost of an ending to keep writing

i also never originally intended to post window or sweatshirt girl - i was originally just writing for me. so they were mostly done before i even decided to post

i ALSO work at a school and while i do have hours over the summer, i am doing much less (imo) important things when there aren’t students around, sooooo i end up daydreaming and drafting a lot

my writing is also powered by depression (“write the world as i want it to be”) and frankly i don’t recommend that to anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so if i look like i’m producing a lot it’s just because of the way this year has unfolded, and once we get through the next few chapters of window i’m sure I’ll hit a lull because I’m still struggling to write those chapters (sorry in advance folksss)

2. i swear to god creativity (like everything in nature) happens in cycles. blah blah no flower blooms all year && no tree bears fruit every season. fallowness is IMPORTANT for growing gardens. if you are in a slow space - let yourself be slow. sink into the quiet season. speed&&quantity are SO overrated and if you overcultivate your soil there will be no nutrients left for your crops. let the snows come in && blanket you on occasion. they are their own kind of blank page (i swear to fuck sometimes i sound like some kind of ai generating bad proverbs but you knew what you were getting when you came to my asks i guess! i am unashamed)

tbh i have a modest art side-hustle and am working on painting a project that WILL take YEARS - and this whole summer, i have neglected that project in lieu of being a rocket fangirl because frankly my brain needed a break. guess what? my followers understand and it has not been a problem. because any fellow creative should know that the process takes time and is always in flux

(3) a lot of people will tell you - write a little every day. write even if it’s bad. you can always come back with fresh eyes later. I support these ideas in theory. i keep my writing && my sketchbooks where i can access them almost anytime, and even if it’s only for ten minutes, i do write something most days. but more than this - listen to your body and your brain and your heart. and for fanfiction especially - ONLY write when it’s fun. if you start writing from obligation instead of love, you will burn out faster, create less, and even resent this thing that should be an escape for you. (and your readers will feel it, even if they don’t know why). (also your readers - if they are good people - will understand this && support you) (and if they’re not good people, they don’t deserve your heart like that). if your body says take time off then TAKE TIME OFF. don’t let capitalism brainwash you into believing all your joys must entail consistent labor, that every good thing comes with a side of drudgery, or that you can’t stop something once you start it. they don’t. it doesn’t. you can. let yourself have a scrap of unfettered && unpressured happiness in this place. you deserve it, i fuckin swear that to you on my goddamn life.

(4) maybe im inadvertently repeating myself but please. be kind to yourself. let your community be kind to you too. we are supposed to take care of each other. give yourself grace && know we are on your side

okay wow i’m so sorry. fuck me that’s not what you were asking for but it is the best && most earnest && most true advice i can give you. “carve some time out every day” is nice and aspirational and maybe give it a try, but life is hard and don’t blame yourself if you can’t. let fanfiction be a force for joy in your days/nights, not a chore. nope im just saying the same shit over and over LOOK. i love you. you are good. life is short. have fun. that’s truly all & the most important things I have inside me, and I’m sorry for my limitations. for whatever that is worth

♡♡♡

[matchbookarmy]

Okay, I'm back. Sorry I needed a bit of a break from things. Just from everything. Not this blog but everything in [gestures vaguely] life.

As some of you know, my phone broke back over the summer and I lost all of my open tabs and where I was on my journey. That definitely was a setback and I didn't know how I wanted to handle it.

But now that I've had time to think about it, I've decided to.... restart my journey.

Lol.

Now I know you probably think I'm insane, but here are my reasons. When I first started reading I was only reading MCU based fic because I thought you had to choose a fandom on AO3. It wasn't for a while before I figured out I could just click on the ship's tag and see everything. So I was severely lacking in 616 fic. Also I didn't read everything when I started. I tended to skip AUs, a lot of the more kinky stuff. As I read more I opened myself up to a lot more types of fics.

And then finally my last reason is I want to change the way I interact with fic and fandom. I want to comment more and read WIPs and I dunno. I want to share and spread my enthusiasm. I also want to pull back in some ways, *except* on this blog. I want to get to know you and gush with you all about these two guys we love so much and all the creativity that gets poured into this fandom and this ship and these characters, the blood the sweat and the tears of it all.

So feel free to message me about anything. I try to be good about answering requests, though, I don't always have a fic that perfectly matches what you want.

I was thinking there's the findingstony blog that finds specific fic that you know exists, but maybe this would be a good place for people to submit things that they are looking for that they haven't already found. Like more general requests of tropes or plots that you want to read. Again I'll do my best to match you with something, but I'll also put them out to my followers (I don't have a ton but we'll see what the community can do).

Anyway, I'd like this to be a community to talk about all these things we love. I know I still have 2-3 unanswered asks, and I haven't forgotten them. For the person who asked for heartwrenching angst with or without a happy ending, I'm trying to decide if I want to rec you the most heart-shattering fic I have ever read. 🤔🤔🤔 (Are you open to Tony being evil?)

Anyway, does this restart mean that I may never get to some truly amazing fics at the end of the alphabet? Almost certainly. There are over 55k Stony fics on AO3. The first time I did this was a ship that had about 500 fics. I read them all in a couple months. I'm not going to complain about having too much good stuff.

But you can feel free to send in your own recs as well. Again, I'd love this to be a community, and a conversation.

Okay, well... I'm off to read. A couple of notes.

I will attempt to read every fic. There will be some that I do not finish. It might just be that it's not to my personal taste.

When I say everything, I do mean *everything*, which means that I may rec some fics that have content that you don't like. I will tag my posts accordingly. I'm not here to debate the ethics of fictional depictions of fictional characters in a fictional relationship with anyone.

I'm going to post as I go through. It's just easier for me that way. Also this way you can literally see my journey, lol. Posts will be scheduled for Saturdays, one post per week, unless my drafts start to get really full, in which case I'll bump it up to two posts per week.

Sometimes I may open a fic and save it in an open tag if I'm not in the right headspace for it, or if I want to read it but I'm not connecting with it at the moment. Or, if it's a really long fic, sometimes I'll intersperse other shorter fics in between chapters. So just because I skip a fic doesn't mean I didn't like it, or I thought it was bad.

Though I will give everything a shot, in general, kid fic is just not my thing, so you're unlikely to see many recs with that topic. But feel free to send in your own fic recs if there's something you really love. I'm sure others would love it as well.

I also generally tend to be not a fan of kink involving bodily fluids other than spit, sweat and semen, but I will give them a chance. Just don't expect a lot of recs for those. Also I'm not really a fan of age play. It's just not my thing.

The only hard pass for me is anything that tries to villainize Steve for MCU Civil War. That's a hard no for me.

Okay, I accidentally added a poll and it won't let me delete it, so....

Lmao - that was supposed to say goodness not goddess. 🙃🙃🙃 This is why I don't do polls. I am far too much of a mess to handle this kind of responsibility.

[shrekgogurt]

Six Resolutions Sunday

Hello! I stole this idea from @larkral and I love it. I don’t know if I have any little snippets I want to share this week but I have many hopes and dreams!

IMPORTANT: this is my formal ANNOUNCEMENT that I took the hyphen out of my username on tumblr and the underscore on ao3 so I’m standardized as @shrekgogurt !!

1.) Make progress on IKAB, IKAM even if I don’t finish it by the end of this calendar year. She is my baby and I want to take my time. (AKA remember slow and steady can still win the race.)

2.) Utilize the shitty first draft model and relinquish some of that perfectionism. Really just write a lot and make my output turnaround faster.

3.) ESPECIALLY write my two other multichap sport AUs! (One planned for the summer, one planned for the fall!)

4.) Collaborate with another writer or an artist! (I’m looking at you COBB & CORB. I’m very excited.)

5.) Make more fandom friends!

6.) Fuck around and find out regarding my own art. (see: relinquish some of that perfectionism) But, also I probably won’t actually do that because at my very core I am a coward.

Thank you for the tags this week and/or just tagging for fun and because I respect you!!!

@aristocratic-otter @artsyunderstudy @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @asocialpessimist @bazzybelle @bloodiedpixie @basiltonbutliketheherb @bookish-bogwitch @captain-aralias (thank you a thousand times over for the discord invite I’m forever indebted to you) @carryonmylovelies @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @dragoneggos @erzbethluna @ebbpettier @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @foolofabookwyrm-activated @giishu @hushed-chorus @ic3-que3n @ileadacharmedlife @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ionlydrinkhotwater @johnwgrey @larkral @letraspal @martsonmars @messofthejess @moodandmist @mostlymaudlin @onepintobean @oyabun-draws @pacey-bunce-loves-joey @palimpsessed @philaet0s @raenestee @sailorblossoms @stardustasincocaine @taramemberence @tea-brigade @theimpossibledemon @twinkle-twinkle-up-above @umdiasujo @whogaveyoupermission @yellobb @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[whentherewerebicycles]

today is my first full non-workday alone in over three weeks and I give myself full permission to savor it without any guilt or sense of obligation to anyone. here are some things I’d like to do:

read the last 40 pages of ninth house

get a decent ways into nona the ninth so I don’t interrupt my novel-reading rhythm. I might take my hammock somewhere to read later tbd as I find that putting my phone out of reach and having dedicated hammock time is a good way to jumpstart the next book

last night I started messing around with an old WIP that I meant to finish for a fest last summer but didn’t, which I still think has some interesting stuff in it (not to mention about 20k of existing draft material to work with). I can’t tell if I’m intrigued enough by it to start the revision process but I do notice that every time I open the draft doc I end up adding to it, so idk. I also have this other purely self-indulgent fantasy AU that has just been a fun world to play in for the last couple weeks when I needed a distraction, so I might tinker around with that a bit more too. so maybe I’ll sit out on the deck at some point with my laptop and play play play for a bit

I want to cook something, probably while on the phone with liz… she sent me a cookbook recently that I liked a lot and I want to try a few of the small plates recipes from it either today or tomorrow

on a related note I want to sit down and do some journaling about the next steps in my learning to cook journey. I’m at the point where I feel confident in my ability to execute easy to moderately complex recipes well & with consistent results—ie if I make the same dish multiple times it’ll taste reasonably good the first time, better the second time when I incorporate the modifications I came up with, and pretty consistently good every time I make it after that. I also feel like once I read a recipe all the way through I don’t need to consult it very often during the cooking process because I’m less focused on what’s on the page and am instead tasting and testing and monitoring what’s happening with the food & adjusting accordingly. but I would really like to become the kind of cook who can look at the ingredients at hand & prepare a meal without a recipe or with only the loose outlines of a recipe based on my understanding of how things fit together and what the components of a good meal are. and I think in order to level up in that way I will really have to sit down and start designing some structured learning challenges for myself, and I’ll also need to build in lots of metacognitive writing along the way to make sure I’m consolidating what I’m learning and applying it to future situations. anyway this is the kind of self-teaching/learning design work I love and I am excited to spend some time thinking about it this weekend.

nice long walk with the dogs… maybe on the off leash trail in the “weekend woods” aka the nearby trail system I for some reason only visit on weekends even though it’s like a 3 min drive from my house lol. Pip will love that

that’s it today is just a day of rest and play!!

[pun-o-rama]

Note to self SEND THAT CHRISTMAS GIFT ALREADY

Ok now that’s out of the way, ok so I’m just gonna address to those as reading as reader, ofc.

So, reader how you doin. Good? Well I’ve been good, I’m currently sitting in my parents kitchen writing this entry. Which has been a great visit, massive improvement compared from when I moved out about a couple years ago. Lots of great food and LAUNDRY. I am so ready for my bed, clean sheets and the whole nine yards. (My back only allows for me to sleep on the couch at my parents place…) And, I’ve had some BOMB Chinese food this weekend, like really really good. fantastic dumplings, salt and pepper wings to die for, and beef chow fun that I’m still dreaming about.

So for some reason, I seem to annoy my parents with my plush making.

Ok so YES, I made beetle Scarab again, but I looked back at my previous attempt and thought, “you know what, I think I can do better”

its head is actually the same one from the first edition. Just popped the head off and attached it to this one.

And I’m so glad I did, this variation is sooo cute. Better proportions and weight, I loaded this little dude with more poly beads this time.

Made the body using less parts and made it more proportional to the head. And made the feet pattern so they don’t kill my fingers and sanity.

I’m still missing some last details but they’re easy additions. I think that I’ll offer this pattern for like a couple bucks reader if you’re interested.

I made this pattern while I was racing against the clock as my sleeping edible kicked in. Drafted the pattern first, then cut out the pieces, shoved them in a bag, and packed it away to do at my parents place.

Pattern worked great! I am very pleased with how the buggy came out. Probably gonna make like 3 more, but I don’t want to burn myself out and focus on getting the pattern digitized. Then MAYBE I’ll make some to sell, but priorities. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I’ll make some on my flight over to France this summer! I’ll make more then!

So far I’ve got Cake the cat, Jake the dog, and now Scrabby! I think I’ll make a prismo cube next too, lol.

I’m gonna add those details and then take better photos of Scrabby within this week.

That’s all I really got.

Have a good one ya’ll, stare at a star and have a little treat on me,

best, @pun-pun-pun

PS. NO AI Please, I do not consent to my work being scrubbed or copied for AI learning. Please make your own art, you are essentially creating worthless garbage that is devoid of all meaning and making a mockery of your humanity. Just make art yourself, you’ll have more fun that way.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing Update/Art Update 5/9/2023

Many things happened last week. Not very many of them were drawing. I'll get back to that.

I have finally started posting the big (it's not really big. Medium-big. It just felt big) fanfic that I have working on for most of the year. You can start here if you want to read it, Chapters 1-3 are currently available.

I finished the smut. I had mostly finished it by Friday, but then we had a belated-because-we-were-waiting-for-spring-weather backyard birthday party for my daughter this past weekend, so I had to spend a solid 48 hours in the paralyzing deathgrip of anxiety at the prospect of socializing with people I don't know (the parents of some of my daughter's classmates), so I didn't get much of anything else done, although I did clean my house and buy a bunch of hot dogs.

I only got one doodle done this week, which took me three days, spread out over the anxiety deathgrip, but I'm pretty pleased with how it came out. I really would like to start on a more serious project this week, but I may get back to them, we'll see how it goes. I do want to thank everyone who sent in prompts, and I'm sorry I haven't gotten to more of them. Turns out I'm real bad at doing quick, fast-turnaround doodles! Is anyone surprised??

After that, like, I said, I finished up the porno. I was hoping to post it yesterday, but it was pretty late at night by the time I finished my editing sweep. Today was a go places posting day and I didn't really want to post two different fanfics in one day, plus I had made kind of a lot of edits, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to let it sit a day and then do another sweep before posting. In other words, tomorrow, probably.

This morning, I re-read what I've gotten written so far of Ductwork, which is the working title of the next story in the Heart is a Muscle. It's 7707 words at the moment, and I get hot mad every time I read it because I want there to be more of it, and unfortunately, there is only one way to make that happen. But it's gonna!! I keep telling myself that it was really worthwhile to have taken the time to write go places first, because Ductwork is largely about Rukia and Renji finally digging down into a lot of festering insecurities from that time in their afterlives. I have a couple different approaches to writing these days, and I'm gonna try to do the thing that ended up working for go places, which is 1) try to write something every day, 2) chronological schmonological, write whatever I can possibily come up with, I'll just cram it all together at the end, this was very fun and easy last time and definitely did not take six drafts and a color-coded spreadsheet. Based on past experience, I do not think I am going to be able to power through to completion, so my goal is to add at least 20k words to the thing before I flame out in a blaze of beautiful depression and spend the rest of the summer on something insane, like bringing back the Soul Society Tattoo Artist AU. My overall prediction is that it will be around 60k, but I'm not discounting the possibility that it could be another 100k-er. (it better not go over 120k tho, I will die for real)

Anyway, that was my week! Whew!

[justonemorewallflower]

Fic Tag Game!

I was tagged by @iamfandomcrazy

Thank you! I was hoping I'd get the chance to answer these!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

24

What's your AO3 word count?

92,829

What fandoms do you write for?

On AO3, Wednesday. I only have Wednesday fics posted on AO3 but elsewhere like Wattpad I have some Harry Potter and Stranger Things. I do want to start posting some Ronance on AO3

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Condolence (Wyler, 339)

2. Jealousy (Wyler, 274)

3. Freckles (Wyler, 251)

4. Bitter Coffee (Wyler, 227)

5. The Beach & Realization (Wyler, both tied at 219 kudos)

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to respond to all of them albeit sometimes I forget or procrastinate to do so

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably In The Middle Of The Night or Death's Goodbye. I haven't finished A Pain Worse Than Death yet, but that will have a pretty angsty ending too

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A Night To Remember, Realization, or Welcome to the Family

Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, not that I know of! Most of the comments I get, if not all, are positive

Do you write smut? What kind?

Yes, I do. I got into it too rather recently (back in summer) as I did a kink bingo writing event. A lot of it is kinky, obviously lol. Beyond that I'm not sure how to explain it cause they each vary/are pretty different from each other. Some are really out there/dirty and others are more tame, just depends on the fic

Do you write cross-overs?

No. I wrote a bit of one in the past for Narnia x Harry Potter, but I never did anything with it and I haven't written any since then. Unless you count Omegaverse, no

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so. I remember someone asking me at one point if they could translate one of my fics but I never checked to see if they actually did so I'm not 100% sure

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really. I've helped other writers with ideas for their fics and they have helped me with ideas for my own but that's the extent of collaboration I've done for writing fics

What WIP would you like to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh God, where do I start? I'd love to finish A Pain Worse Than Death but low-key don't know if I will. I also would love to finish some other AUs I have in my drafts like my Wyler Circus AU and my Wyler Goody Two shoes/Rebel AU, as well as some Ronance fics I have in my drafts

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, probably Wyler. But beyond them I also adore Ronance (Robin Buckley and Nancy Wheeler) and Shirbert (Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe)

What are your writing strengths?

Grammar and I like to think I'm decent at descriptions and characterization

What are your writing weaknesses?

Tense! I always subconsciously switch between past and present tense and it drives me insane!! It's something I always have to go back and fix/check for. And maybe dialogue, sometimes I struggle with that. As well as just finishing projects before starting a new one lol, I always have like 500 million drafts all at once that I'm working on

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's fun to do sometimes but I don't do it much and if I do I try to do a language I am partly fluent in (like Spanish) or do a lot of research beforehand to ensure it's as accurate as I can get it

First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter I'm pretty sure

Favorite fic you've ever written?

Maybe Coffee Memories (I really like the characterization in this one) or A Pain Worse Than Death (the angst is just so delicious) or Scars Never Leave (I like the sort of hurt/comfort of this fic) or Safe Haven (it's the only Madwheeler fic I have and I like the angst and tone of it but I wrote it several years ago so it needs updated a lot) and then a lot of ideas that are just in my drafts

What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

Condolence because the first half of chapters are very short and lack content and I'd like to fix that, to try and make chapters more similar in length (like at least not like a 400 word chapter then a 3000 word chapter right after each other, yk) and Safe Haven (it's alright but could use some work to be more consistent in its plot and so it would work better, I'd just like to update it with my more recent writing style and knowledge since it's a few years old)

I tag @cosmic-lullaby @katwitchwriting (sorry if either of you have been tagged already!!)

[leofrith]

Rules: list eight shows for your followers to get to know you better.

Tagged by @aeide 💞✨ I've had this sitting in my drafts for almost a month and completely forgot to finish it 😭

Not all of these are shows that I would ever actually recommend to people, but are rather shows that I either vividly remember regardless of quality and/or because the experience of having watched them is intimately tied with the memories of certain times of my life. Okay.

Seinfeld - was a staple in my house growing up, and it's the piece of media that my family and I most often pull quotes from.

Cybersix - I have vivid memories of begging my parents to let me stay up to the late late time of 8:30 in the summer time to watch this baby on Teletoon. Also the gender fluid cyborg was probably one of the first hints that I might be a little bit gay.

Harper's Island - I know for a fact that this show that absolutely nobody knows about or has heard of was NOT as good as I remember it. But to describe it briefly, this was a little murder mystery about a serial killer running rampant on a resort island during a destination wedding. I was at summer camp when the last episode aired and my parents sent me a copy of it because I was tearing out my hair over who the killer was. Do NOT look up spoilers for this on the off chance that you decide to watch it, because trying to piece the thing together was half the fun!!

In the Flesh - I miss my gay zombie show!!!! 🔪

Star Wars: The Clone Wars - after finally watching all the Star Wars movies in 2015-16, I reluctantly started watching this because my friend recommended it and I needed more. Then I got really into it and I remember running back and forth between my room and his in the first year uni dorm and screaming at each other about it. And I no longer speak to that friend but that was a fun time, and it introduced me to my girl Ahsoka :)

The Americans - another one I binge watched in uni. Beloved under appreciated historical drama. Everyone Go Watch The Americans Right now. 🔫

The Mandalorian - everything about this show has been terrible as of late, to say the least. But the first season is still very close to my heart and I have met some of my dearest friends through this show so it can't be all bad!! <3 2019 Mando era I adore you I miss you.

Derry Girls - beloved comfort show with soooo many Cranberries needle drops.

I'm not tagging anyone this time because I feel like I'm tagging people in these things a LOT recently but anyone who wants to do this can feel free!!