#so sorry Colombia you deserved better

[indedrum]

That game was physically painful...

[magics-neptunes-things]

Feelings (3)

Hi guys!

This is the part 3 of Feelings and I really glad you like it that way ♥

Please let me know what you think about this chapter :)

And enjoy!

TW : Alcohol, a little Angst, Jealousy

PART 1 | PART 2 |

_____________________________________________________________

After the game against Nigeria, you don’t really get closer to Alessia. Sometimes you see that she’s looking at you, but when she realizes that you are looking back, she hurries to look somewhere else. So you just let it be, not wanting to assume anything. After all, she really made clear that she doesn’t want anything with you. She doesn’t even say something about being friends or something.

After Nigeria, you won against Colombia and Australia. You are playing the finale against Spain today, which include being against a lot of your teammates from Barcelona. And some future, as you keep teasing Lucy. You’re actually walking with her to go on the pitch for the pitch inspection and you grin when you see that the Spanish team is already here.

You went to say hi to Mariona and Alexia, who hugs you. You talked a little with Jenni and Salma, and you went to say hi to Ona, dragging behind you an almost shy Lucy Bronze.

“What are you doing?” you laugh when you see her almost hiding behind you.

“Nothing! People don’t know we are together.”

“A hug won’t spread the rumor” you rolls your eyes.

Lucy glares at you and hits you behind your head, making you frown in return. You talk a little bit with them, before Cata jumps on your back from behind.

“Chicca!” she says happily.

The noise makes turn some eyes on you, especially Alessia’s one. But you don’t realize it, busy to make Cata get off of your back. You didn’t realize, but Lucy and Mary make it for you. You talk and laugh a little more with Cata, before heading back in the dressing room, still following Lucy who definitely is your second half in Australia.

********

You lost. You know that in several weeks or even days the lost will be less hard, but right now you are destroyed. You weren’t able to score, like all your teammates in the team. You are sitting next to Lucy on the ground, looking sadly at the Spanish team raising the cup. They deserved it though, but it doesn’t make your defeat easier.

From the corner of your eyes, you see Alessia. She’s crying and it makes your heart break. Lucy gives you an elbow in the ribs and you frown in her direction.

“You should go to her. It was her you were talking about the other day on the beach, no? ”

You don’t answer anything, you don’t have to. Lucy knows. After biting your lip, you sigh and start to get up.

“You should let Ona comes to you too, Bronzey.”

“I know. I was an ass. I will say I’m sorry if she comes back to me. She deserves to enjoy this moment with her friends.”

You pat her shoulder slightly before going to Alessia. You don’t know what you are going to say, but her closest friends are crying too and you’re not sure that they will help her a lot. You announce your presence to Alessia by placing your hand in the hollow of her back. She turns in your direction, her eyes red and you just want to make her feel better.

“You were amazing today. I know it doesn’t change anything. But you were.”

“It doesn’t. But thank you anyway” Alessia laughs-cry.

You hesitate for some seconds before hugging her softly, your arms very soft around her so she can step back if she wants. But she doesn’t. You hug her for several seconds before being joined by Mary who apparently needs a hug too.

********

You didn’t want to go to the party after the game. But no one let you have you word, so here you are, stuck on a chair between Jordan and Keira, looking at some of your teammates dancing in the dancefloor. You are a terrible dancer, you’re too happy to stay here with your glass.

Lucy’s missing. At first you thought she was hiding somewhere, being angry with herself, before you realized she probably ran away somewhere with Ona.

You promised yourself that you will drink only one thing before heading back to your room. But Jordan has something else in mind.

“What about you find someone tonight Y/N?”

“A random hookup? No thanks” you rolls your eyes.

You know people imagine that it was your thing for some time, but it was way before today. Even before Alma.

“Oh come on. Look at this one?”

You follow Jordan’s finger who’s pointing at another girl. She seems pretty and a very good dancer, but there is no way you’re going for her tonight. At the end of the table, Alessia is listening attentively.

“Not my style.”

“What is your style in that case?” Georgia asks with curiosity.

You roll your eyes but when you’re finish, they land on Alessia for some seconds.

“Come on, just tell us” Jordan add, pocking at your ribs.

“Blondes. I like blondes.” you mumble.

Well, you like one blonde specifically. Who is at like three meters away from you, looking at her glass. Ella seems to realize that something is wrong, but she can’t ask anything in front of everyone.

“Ok, come on! Georgia!”

Jordan stands up with Georgia, each one taking one of your arm to drag you on the dancefloor. A small “No wait” from you is audible, but the two older women don’t seem to want to listen to you.

Since that moment, Alessia doesn’t see you for like fifteen minutes. She hates the strange feeling in her stomach and the way she can’t stop to look around to see if she can find you.

Georgia and Jordan came back soon after, a happy smile on their face. It makes Keira smile too, arching a brow.

“Where did you let her?”

“In great company” Jordan laughs. “A cute blonde, I think she’s from Switzerland or something. She starts to talk about her last vacation in Fidji and Y/N seems very interested.”

“Oh it’s her dream vacation. She talks about it very often” Keira says. “Where are they?”

Georgia points in her direction and the table follow it. You are effectively in a deep conversation with that blonde. The way she’s looking at you while you are talking about a country you visited yourself isn’t innocent though. Everyone can tell it. And how she’s touchy while you are talking too.

“Someone will have it tonight” Georgia laughs. “Where are you going Less?”

“I need to use the bathrooms.”

“I’m coming with you” Ella says, standing up to follow her best friend.

Really in your conversation with the blonde, you don’t realize Alessia’s distress. How could you know anyway? You are trying to get involve to the conversation and to find qualities to her. You want to get over this situation with Alessia who you think is only doomed to fail.

“So, your single yeah?” she asks you, taking you by surprise.

“Uh, yeah. And you?”

She smiles before answering, raising her glass to her lips.

“I am. Don’t take me wrong, but who is the girl you are in love with?”

You are stunned. Can that girl read in your mind or something? Your face makes her laugh, and she shrugs before talking again.

“It’s kind of obvious.”

“I’m sorry” you frown. “I was really interested by our conversation though.”

“I can tell” she smiles softly at you, putting again her hand on your arm. “But you are not interested at something else.”

“Not really” you say, biting your lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Eh don’t be. At least you won’t have to run to hide tomorrow morning.”

You laugh this time. She’s right, if you had followed her somewhere, you would have left without a word the morning after. As long as something happened between you two, which you’re really not sure about.

“I was hoping to be able to only take one drink before going to sleep to be totally honest with you. But my teammates seem to think that finding someone would be better for me.”

“Well your honesty is valuable, I appreciate it. Maybe I can help you to escape?”

“It would be lovely, really.”

She smirks, taking your hand in hers before taking you somewhere. You realize soon that somewhere is actually to the exit. You don’t see anyone you know and you feel better breathing some fresh air.

“Thank you. I’m going to take a taxi, do you want me to drop you off somewhere?"

“It would be lovely” she answers the same thing that you did some second before and that make you laugh again.

Too bad that you are already head over heels for Alessia, because that girl seems really nice.

********

When Alessia come back to the table after needing some minute to calm herself, she frowns when she realizes that you are nowhere to be find. Quickly understanding her best friend questioning, Ella asks the questions for her.

“Where is Y/N?”

“She left with the girl five minutes ago. I don’t know where they went but they left in a taxi” Jordan says, wiggle her eyebrows.

“How do you know that?” Ella asks, frowning.

“I follow them.”

Jordan shrug, sipping her drink without any remorse. Just when Alessia thinks things can’t be worse, Georgia opens her mouth to add something.

“They definitely went to one of their hotel rooms. Have you not seen the biting lips, touching hand and flirty laughing?”

For sure, that behavior seeing from the eyes of your teammates who really want you to find someone, it can be seen from another angle. But Alessia doesn’t know it, and it’s too much for her now.

“I’m going to go to sleep” she says, standing up again.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

But Alessia refuse her best friend’s proposal, telling her that she must enjoy her last night here. She even takes the excuse that she wants to call her grandma before going to bed, which she did in the taxi actually, not wanting to have to think about her feelings. And specifically the reason behind them. She’s lost, but she’s scared and jealous. And a little hurt too, but she knows that she can’t feel that way because she is the one wanting to have nothing after your night together.

It's what she’s saying herself, her palms pressed against her eyes during the journey back to your hotel.

But when she passes next to your room to go in hers, she sees the light under the door and she acts before thinking. Knocking hardly against your door, she waits for you to come answer it.

Like the other day, you have no idea of who it would be when you open the door. And like the other day, you are surprised to see Alessia. You don’t open completely the door though, frowning lightly while you look at her.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, I…”

But she doesn’t finish her sentence. She can’t say “I wanted to stop you from doing anything with that girl” or something like that. She knows it. But she doesn’t know what to say and her distress is very obvious from you.

“Can I come in? Please.”

You nod and back up a little to let her come in your room. You watch her looking around when you close the door, but you don’t say anything.

“Are you alone?”

“Did Jordan and Georgia send you?" you ask, arching an eyebrow.

“Not at all.”

You look at her eyes several seconds, but you don’t need much to see that she’s saying the truth. You notice that it’s the first time that you are so close to one other since the morning when she left your room.

“Yes, I’m alone” you sigh, going to sit on the desk in the room. “Why?”

“I just… I wanted to know.”

It doesn’t make any sense to you, but you don’t want to push Alessia. She seems really struggling with the lost from tonight and you sincerely think that she only needs a good night of sleep. You can’t look in her eyes this time because she’s looking at her feet.

“Are you ok, Lessi?” you ask anyway.

“Yes, I’m just… I think I’m a little lost, to be honest.”

She raises her eyes on you and you momentarily forgot how to talk. When she crosses your eyes, you remember perfectly how her skin felt against yours, how her eyes were sparkling when you were looking at her while she was laying under you. But you need to stay focused.

“Lost about what?” you hear yourself ask.

But she shakes her head negatively, biting her lip. She seems to think about something for some seconds and you don’t say anything, hoping it would help her to gather her ideas.

“I need to check something. Can you stay still?”

You nod and you look at her when she come closer to you, very slowly. Her eyes are scanning your face and you let her, looking at her too. You feel goosebumps running on your skin when she strokes your cheek to put a strand of hair back behind your ear. And your heart starts running like crazy when she comes closer, her hand now on your neck and your jaw.

But it has nothing to do with all your senses that get upside down when her lips land on yours. You kissed a lot when you slept together, but this time it’s her who initiate the kiss. It doesn’t last long though and you open your eyes again when Alessia stops it.

“I don’t understand” she whispers.

Her breath is stroking your skin, and you have to try your best to keep focus on the talking once again.

“What don’t you understand?” you breath.

“The way I feel about you. I was so jealous when I thought that you left with that girl, that the only thing I was able to think when I saw the light under your door was to try to stop whatever was happening.”

You don’t understand either, to be honest. You really thought that what she said was meaning that she doesn’t have any interest in you, other than to be friend, at best. But you can’t answer anything, because she’s talking again.

“When I left that morning, you said that it was ok” she starts and you nod. “But was it really ok?”

You sigh slightly, but Alessia is very honest with you at that moment and you have to be too. Today was particularly complicated, it’s really late and you are kind of tired. Both of you deserved to know the truth in all this complicated story.

“I said it was ok because you don’t own me anything, Alessia. I never thought that we will have this kind of moment you and I, to be honest. It was more than everything to me, but that doesn’t mean it have to be the same for you.”

“How can you be so selfless?” Alessia laughs with disbelief.

“What do you mean?” you frown, getting a little bit defensive.

“Most people would have expected something from me after what happened. But you let me leave, ignore you for days without taking offense. I don’t understand” she says again looking at you expectantly.

You shrug, thinking about what you should answer at that. There is no way that you tell her how you are in love with her for years now. You don’t want to scare her or anything, now that you are… the way you are?

“I just care for you, Lessi.”

“I do, too. I’m so sorry for the way I treated you. You really didn’t deserve it; you are so caring and…”

“Hey, stop” you say, taking her hand in yours. “It’s ok. I understand, really.”

“The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Her cheeks are bright red and the smile you aborded right now can’t really help her. But you can’t help yourself. Because you can’t stop thinking about it, too. With your hand still in hers, you stroke her fingers before taking her a little closer from you. Her confessions made you a little more confident.

“Me neither. It was… I don’t have the words, really. And I really want to kiss you again.”

She smiles and lean once again, pressing softly her lips against yours. You don’t know how it’s possible, but every kiss feels better than the previous one. You can’t get enough of her. It’s a little bit scary, but you decide to put shout your brain. It’s like if Alessia red your thoughts, because when she talks again between two kisses it’s to say

“We still can talk tomorrow, right?”

[creedslove]

DESERVE IT - PART TEN

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: you are forced to hear what Manu has to tell you, and a surprise at the office makes you rethink your relationship with Javier

Warnings: hurt, angst, offenses, fluff, mentions of smut, sexual tension, jealousy and more angst

A/N: sorry taking so long, I was sick and I was caught up in a sudden Agent Whiskey vibes that got me distracted from Javi and Joel 🥺

Also, I think it's pretty obvious I have no idea how the DEA office works in the show, so in my story, I picture it as the station of B99 where there's the upper floor department which is the DEA and the lower floor department that it's the station, lol

• PART ONE

• PART TWO

• PART THREE

• PART FOUR

• PART FIVE

• PART SIX

• PART SEVEN

• PART EIGHT

• PART NINE

5.3k words

When Manu left his home that Sunday morning, he was determined to face the man he hated the most in the world. 

He wasn't sure how he began hating that man, but it had something to do with the moment he joined the police enforcement in Colombia. 

He was a typical american guy, looking down at everything in Manu's beloved country and always thinking he was above all. 

Maybe it was his smug smile, those stupid tight pants as if he'd been trapped for over a decade or how the office girls swooned for him. He hadn't exchanged more than two or three words, but whenever they had some mission concerning Escobar and the DEA dogs, that motherfucker walked around with that attitude, as if he was better than anyone else. 

Manu just hated how pretentious he was, how he swore he had all those women on his feet. Most of the time, he did, but the women he had on his feet weren't the kind of women Manu liked. They were usually cheap, easy girls, or literally prostitutes. And then he saw you. 

You were possibly the most beautiful woman Manuel had ever seen in his life, you were always sweet and kind to everyone, politeness and efficiency were something everyone from the office noticed, you treated everyone equally… except for maybe Colleen, it was noticeable how you couldn't stand her, but no one could actually blame you as that woman was kind of annoying. Manu watched you from afar every day, since you began working at the station. He liked admiring you, he had never spoken to you, but in his mind, he was sure you were a beautiful person, inside and out. He just didn't understand why you seemed to be attached to Peña's hip, you weren't a cop, you weren't his partner and you certainly weren't his girlfriend, as the word on the street said Peña didn't do relationships. 

And yet, you gave him the heart eyes, you were always laughing together and very often you giggled at whatever he had said. 

Manu was always confused as to why someone like you, could orbitate around Javier. 

Then, Carlos initiated his weird obsession with you. He still went after the girls in the office, but you seemed to linger longer in his mind. One of the reasons was that, just like Manu, he also couldn't stand Javier. And winning one of his girls would be a great victory for him. And also because you never gave Carlos the time of the day, and it drove him mad. Not many women refused him, but you did, so when flirtation didn't work, he turned his aim at you, and tried making you the office's joke, which Manu immediately put an end to it, when he was around at least. He didn't need people gossiping around and distracting themselves from work. 

So he just decided not to listen to any of that gossip and remind himself that everything that came from Carlos was pure shit. 

And then you were transferred to his department, and when he met you, he knew he'd made the right choice by not letting any gossip about you influence him. You were everything he'd dreamed of in a person and just the fact that you actually took a liking on him, was enough to show Manu that sometimes good things happened. 

During your brief relationship, Manu never really liked the fact you were once so close to Javier, but just as he had his own past relationships, you did too, besides, you were always so honest when you said you didn't have anything with him, you two were friends and nothing else, and well, as for Manuel, he had no reasons to doubt you.

He was bothered ever since he woke up the day before, he'd spent a wonderful night with you, you had finally had sex, he was staying at your house and that must've been a big deal, right? But once he woke up, he heard you whimpering and moaning in his sleep. He smirked happily, assuming you were dreaming of him and possibly wanted another round of him.

So he trailed kisses around your neck and your shoulder, which you sleepily welcomed with more moans, but then he heard Javier's name coming out of your lips.

Manu didn't really believe it at first, he must have misheard what you said, and even after he questioned you and you explained yourself saying you were just telling him good morning. Once again, he believed you, he had no reasons to doubt you after all. 

Then when you both got to the barbecue, he couldn't help but have that characteristic feeling of hatred and anger spreading through his body. The mere presence of Javier caused that. Everything about that guy bothered him, made his skin crawl and the fact he kept his stupid, ridiculous sunglasses on all the time pretending he wasn't eye fucking you, was driving him insane. 

Manu couldn't lie about the fact he was a little disappointed when you asked him to go home, he loved every minute of the night you had spent together and every fiber of his body was longing for a repetition of that, he wanted to do it again, to have you lost in his arms, being in so much pleasure you couldn't help but being loud as hell. However, he didn't want to overstay, if you were asking him to leave you had a good reason, and for the third time, Manuel Herrera believed in you because he had no other reason not to.

When he woke up that Sunday morning, he sighed as the side of the bed you were supposed to take as your own was cold and empty. He hoped he could wake up to your sleepy, smiley face, but that was not happening. He got up and made himself breakfast, taking his time to think about your relationship and smiled at himself, he had something good going on and he wanted to assure things would continue that way. An idea crossed his mind and after debating it with himself, he decided to do it, as there was a slim, but consistent possibility it would work out. 

He saw himself driving to the place of the guy he hated the most in the whole wide world: Javier Peña.

At first he hadn't planned it very well, but it was something pretty simple, he was going to talk to Javier in a straightforward way, no beating around the bush, he was just going to straightforward ask Javier to leave you alone once for all. 

He wasn't trying to control your friendships, but he didn't trust Javier and since you seemed to have been so vulnerable towards him, he thought it could be a nice request, a fair request, even. Especially since Javier had been treating you like shit for months, Manu thought it would be a decent idea. First he was going to knock on his door, have a chat with him and then he would go to your apartment, kiss you on the lips and take you out for lunch. 

He stood in front of Javier's door, knocking on it and as soon as the door opened, he recited the words he'd rehearsed in his mind, until he went completely silent at the image of you, standing there, naked underneath that shirt and Manu's world was forever changed by that. 

At first, it took him a split second to recognize you, he'd eyed first the naked legs and only then his gaze went up until the confirmation of who it was hit him harder than a train running right off the track. His first assumption was that it was just another hooker opening the door, but when he realized it was no one but his own girlfriend, it felt like the ground had disappeared from under his feet. 

"Manu?" You whispered in shock, he was literally the last person you thought that would knock on Javier's door. You were even holding his badge, being sure Javi himself returned to get it, but not your boyfriend. He just stood there, with a shocked and horrid expression, he didn't dare say a single word, instead he saw as your lower lip trembled and your eyes immediately filled with tears. 

"Manu" his name was nothing but a ghostly whisper coming out of your lips "I'm so sorry…" you began your apologies but he didn't want to hear any of it. 

He ran his hands through his hair, in frustration, pain, heartbreak.

"How long, Y/N?" His voice was steady, he really thought it was going to break, show you how gutted he really was, but to his own surprise, it came out as emotionless as it could be.

"Manu, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for anything to happen, I was gonna go and talk to you later today, explain to you what's happening, I know I hurt you, but I don't want you to hate me…" 

The way he stood there, not moving, not speaking, just staring at you was worse than if he was throwing a scene. So far, you had only met the good side of him, the side that was docile and sweet, you had no idea how he'd react to the shock of catching you red-handed. 

"How long, Y/N?" He repeated himself "how long have you been double dealing like that? How long have you been cheating on me with Peña?!" He raised his voice and grabbed you by the arm. His grip wasn't painful but it was strong enough so you couldn't simply break free from it. 

He took you inside Javier's apartment and closed the door, not wanting the neighbors to experience that scene. 

"I-I haven't been with Javier for long… it happened last night, but I was gonna talk to you Manu, I swear. You are a great guy, and you deserve someone good to you, someone who doesn't hurt your feelings and can love you…" you explained, as you couldn't control your sobs, too many feelings flooding you all at once, finally the guilt and shame you had been lacking appeared. It was completely different now, at the light of the day. During the night, you'd been so caught on in your feelings for Javier, he was arms length close to you, he was right there, you couldn't resist, and your boyfriend… well, at that moment he was just an idea, a thought pushed away to the back of your mind. But now, Manu stood there, flesh and bone, right in front of you, anger and disappointment all aimed at you, and he was right in every single aspect. What you did to him was inexcusable, you couldn't even try to justify… what could you tell him? You couldn't resist Javier? You were carried away in the moment? You loved Javier and the whole reason why you dated Manu in the first place was because he made you forget your heart break for a little while? Would all those excuses be enough for you if the roles were reversed and you just found out your boyfriend had spent the night with the woman you hated the most in the world? You knew it wasn't enough. 

"Ay, eres tan dulce!" He scoffed and looked at you, before turning around and taking a good look at the apartment "even when you were bouncing on Peña's cock you were still worried about my feelings… aren't you a great girlfriend?" 

"I'm so sorry Manu, I never meant to hurt you, I really care for you, but we are not right for each other.." 

"I'll give you one on that, querida, we are definitely not right for each other, because unlike your new boyfriend, I don't go out with whores" he said in a low voice "you know, Carlos always said you were one of those, a whore, a tiny little stupid girl who ran after Peña like a puppy with stupid heart eyes in hopes one day he would pay the slightest attention to you, and I always thought he was wrong… but now, I see he was absolutely right. I just came over to have a small chat with him, about you, by the way! So he would leave you alone, and I find you here, playing housewife, cleaning up after his mess, look at the way you are dressed, for fuck's sake, I've seen Peña pick up prostitutes wearing more clothes than you are right now! But I guess Carlos was right, you are not only a bitch, Y/N, but a real stupid one… out of all the men you could get involved with, you go and choose Peña?!" Manu laughed softly "I don't usually have hard feelings, and to be honest, if I could I'd wish you to be happy with him, but the problem is that I know you won't. Because he is an asshole, he's a manwhore, and you and your tight little pussy aren't gonna be able to keep him to yourself much longer, eventually he'll grow tired of you, and he'll go after other whores to seek the pleasure you won't be able to give him any longer, so I just know for a fact you won't be happy with him, but it's fine by me, because you deserve every single heartbreak he's gonna put you through, Y/N" Manu said giving you one last glance, a glance full of despise and walked out the door, leaving you alone with your guilt.

Now, if Manu had slapped you across the face, or kicked you in the guts it would've probably hurt less than his words. 

You knew he was right, you couldn't even try and argue, he was just right. You had played with his feelings, used him in order to feel better about yourself and pretty much just to make Javier jealous. 

You felt so ashamed of yourself and you wanted to curl up in some corner and disappear, everything he'd told you echoed through your mind. You didn't regret your night with Javi, not in a million of years, but now you saw you could have handled things better, not only that, you should have handled things better, that was the bare minimum. Manu never deserved the heartache you put him through and you would live with the guilt of that. 

You walked back to his bed and curled up under the blanket, you wanted him there, you wanted to assure yourself he was real, what you two had was something worth screwing up your relationship for, but at the same time your ex's words were haunting you. Was Manu really right? At some point, would Javi just get tired of you? 

You didn't know when you fell asleep, but you certainly did so while you were still crying, and only at the smell of Javier as you buried your face into your pillow was able to calm you down. 

                             •••

Now, Javier was annoyed. 

He wasn't just annoyed, he was pissed off. If he were trapped in a room with Steve Murphy and Pablo Escobar chances were he would shoot Murphy. 

Javi felt he had been ripped off a dream, he'd spent the perfect night with you, the woman he loved and craved and he had made plans to spend the perfect day with you. 

He would bring you breakfast in bed, sit next to you and enjoy your company, maybe share a cigarette with you. Then, he would invite you to shower and play with your tight, sweet and beautiful pussy there, kiss your body and soap all over it, so his hand would be a lot slippery when he explored your body. 

Taking you to bed, he would probably rail you, and god, he wouldn't save any of his fantasies, he would have you on top of him, doggy style, topping you, it didn't matter, he just wanted your body against his, he wanted to spill inside of you and keep you to himself. 

Then, as a gentleman, Javi would take you out on a date and finish this perfect Sunday buried balls deep inside of you once more. But then, Steve began knocking on his door like a madman demanding Javi to go check on La Quica information that led to nothing and deprived him from a whole day of you. 

He wondered what you were up to, though. As he drove through the streets of Colombia and pretended to hear Murphy's words, as he blabbered about his wife, his kid and his life. But Javi's mind… ohh that was elsewhere. 

He licked his lips and focused ahead, but all he could think of was you. He wondered if you went back to your place, if you'd changed clothes… what if you were on his bed, legs spread and fingering yourself thinking of him? The thought made him groan and his jeans get a little tighter.

"Wow, pay attention, man!!!" Steve suddenly said as Javi had run the red light and nearly hit another car. 

"Jesus… sorry" Javier mumbled as he got back to his senses, your sweet pussy nearly got him killed, he smirked at himself. 

It didn't take much longer to get home, he was just so eager to see you. Javi was convinced you were getting ready for your date, maybe he should have bought you some flowers? He wasn't sure, he hadn't been on a date in ages, what if you didn't like flowers? Was it possible? Women usually liked flowers. He could always get some on your way to the restaurant, it didn't really matter, he just wanted to be near you. 

He barely paid attention to Steve saying his goodbyes and got into his apartment. He knocked on your door first, but as he had no replies, he went to his own, maybe you were still there. 

He silently walked inside, and headed to his bedroom, he called you in a low voice but didn't get an answer, he didn't like that silence and closed his eyes, allowing himself to be taken back to his pop's ranch, he was sure he would never be welcomed by silence, instead there would always be music, laughter and giggles, coming from his loving wife, you and your babies. 

He shook his head, he couldn't keep having these thoughts, it was too damn early for that, he didn't even know if you relationship would last. He wanted to, of course, but he also knew you deserved better, so if you ever found someone really good and would like to be with the new guy, Javi was sure nothing could be done. 

But those self loathing thoughts died the moment he found you in his bed. You were still in his shirt and his heart clenched at the image. 

You were just so relaxed, so gorgeous, and he smiled at himself. It felt like a whiff of new air, leaving the suffocating feeling he constantly had in his life, his job and just going home to something good. Suddenly he understood what his dad meant, fuck, he understood what Steve meant. It was about having something to come back home to. 

Javi got rid of his shoes and sat next to the edge of the bed, he admired you, your hair, your body. You were everything Javier ever wished for, and he was aware it was too much for him, but it didn't matter at that time. 

His hand went for your hair, caressing it gently, seeing how you barely moved in your sleep. His hand ran down your back this time, he stroked you over the shirt, and saw how it rolled up, exposing your cheeks. He bit his lips, your ass was so perfect, so gorgeous, inviting, it was a sight that would always drive him insane, but at that very moment, he didn't want to touch you inappropriately, he wanted to feel you closer. He lowered his body and sank his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, it smelled like home to him. Javier chuckled at himself at how pathetic he was, you definitely put him under your spell and he loved every single minute of it. 

When Javi wrapped his arm around you, you shifted and raised yourself startled as you didn't even remember falling asleep in the first place. 

You turned around and saw him, he looked puzzled, confused even, but you didn't care. You just threw your arms around his neck and pulled you for a real tight hug. You tried controlling your tears, but it was hard. That heaviness in your chest wouldn't go away, it seemed every time you took your breath something stung inside and it was like a pool of tears were being contained by a thin curtain that was about to burst at any minute. 

Javi just held you, keeping you in his embrace as tight as he could, though he immediately demanded to know what was going on. Through his mind the worst possible scenarios ran freely, he gulped thinking of what could've happened to you, fuck, for a moment he feared even someone from Los Pepes had tried to harm you in any way, but when your shaky, low voice professed the name of your now, ex-boyfriend, everything made sense. 

Truth was, Javier was so drunk in love, he spent his afternoon living in a world where only you and him mattered and only you and him were a couple. No one else existed, no else was in the picture, so of course he forgot about Manu's pathetic existence, and consequently, also forgot you were going to talk to him.

"Shit baby, what happened? Did he hurt you? Did that motherfucker harm you? If he touched a strand of your hair I'll go over there and I'll fucking kill him!!!" Javier raged, though you didn't seem physically bad, he didn't trust Manuel at all. But your head shook and your grip got tighter around his body, in a clear sign you didn't want him to leave at all. 

So he patiently waited. He rubbed your back, pulling you so close you were now on his lap again, and for the sweet coincidence of having you on top of him like that for the second time in less than twenty four hours, he smiled. With the exception that this time you were the one who needed to be comforted. 

And eventually you started talking. 

You told him in details, how you noticed Javi had forgotten his badge and you were just so sure he was the one knocking on the door. You told him about Manu's shock, how silent he was, until how he crushed you with his words. 

But you didn't stop there, you looked into Javier's eyes, not hiding your tears and told him how every single word Manu had told you was right, how guilty you felt and his heart shattered, as he had no clue on how he could help you. 

Javi cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears with his long fingers and pecked your forehead. 

"Guilt is painful too, when you have conscious, it hurts to deceive someone you care about. I'm sorry it is eating you up alive, cariño, but the damage is done and all I can tell you is that I'm here for you… maybe it's too soon, maybe it's stupid but if you want to try, I want to try, we can make something out of this situation… maybe what he talked about last night, about the ranch, about leaving our jobs, maybe it could happen.." 

Javier's eyes were so hopeful, so full of expectation you couldn't even believe in yourself. It was just too much, too many feelings overwhelming you, crushing you and he was there, wanting to date you. 

Oh my god, the date.

You were supposed to go on a date with Javi, and there you were, crying your eyes out because your ex barked a few mean words to you. 

You felt so angry and so tired, you could feel another wave of hot tears threatening to spill from your eyes, but his soft touch snapped you out of your crisis. 

"Come on, princesa, let me get you home" he said in a calm voice, helping you out of his bed and crossing the hallway with you. It was funny how close you two were living and how easy it was to just come and go. 

He closed the door to your apartment behind him and once more cupped your cheeks, holding your head in place and making you pay attention to him.

"You need to rest, you're too nervous… it's just a lot of emotions, I ain't no expert, but I guess it is making you suffer, so you should take a shower, put on some of your own clothes…" he pointed at his own shirt that covered so little of your beautiful body "we can just go on our date tomorrow or some other day, there's no pressure… I can also stay tonight, or not… you can think about that while you shower" his voice was calm and he just walked you to your room, opening the wardrobe and picking you something he thought you would enjoy wearing. 

That was some domestic Javier Peña you didn't think you would ever witness. It made your heart warm, melting slowly and you suddenly felt like your chest had been cleared away, like a wave of good, positive feelings were going through your veins and for a brief second, that known feeling everything would be alright. 

You didn't even bother looking at the clothes he pick vced for you, instead, you just got rid of his shirt.

"Javi?" You whispered and waited as he turned around, you rested your arms on the side of your full naked body, a little nervous, not sure what to do with them, as Javier stopped everything he was doing and stared at your gorgeous, naked body. 

He had touched you, and he had eaten you out, sure, but it was dark the night before, he'd seen you but not as explicit as he was at that moment, and he loved it. 

He could feel his cock twitching in his pants and didn't hesitate in walking to you, arms around you, pulling you for a deep kiss. 

You corresponded to it, wanting his body on yours. It wasn't enough, you were craving him just as much as he craved you. 

"I want you to shower with me, Javi… please" you begged against his lips, though you knew you didn't have to beg, he would take you right there and then if it were to him. 

As you helped him undress, you both jumped at the phone ringing.

You ignored it at first, your hands unbuttoning his painfully see through white shirt, giggling as you kissed along his jawline and down his neck. 

But then the phone rang again, and again and at some point, Javier sighed annoyed and broke the kiss, walking to your living room and picking it up. He didn't care if it was your mom, your dad, your sister or Pablo Escobar calling you, he didn't make any efforts to sound remotely polite, he just wanted whoever was calling you to stop. 

"Oh, hello agent Peña… I've been calling your apartment but I had a gut feeling you would pick up Y/N's phone…" Manu's voice greeted the man with a sinister excitement, he sounded way too happy for someone who had just found out he'd been cheated on.

"Anyway, I'm sorry to interrupt your night, but as Y/N might have mentioned, I got the evening shift at the station tonight and we made an arrest… now our prisoner is asking specifically for you, to see if you can help with the release" 

Javier's blood ran cold. 

What if they'd arrested someone from Los Pepes, that would explain why that son of a bitch was probably grinning as he talked on the phone. In fact, the whole call was weird, it sounded like a trap to begin with, but he'd called and asked for Javier himself, and not for you… so he didn't really think Manu would try and do something against him, then yes, you confirmed he had the evening shift that Sunday, which meant he might have been telling the truth. 

And it also meant Javier would only find out when he got there. 

At first he said no when you insisted on going with him, even if Manu had come up with an evil plan, Javi was driving towards the office, there was no problem, there were always so many people no matter what time of the day, so he couldn't really try to do anything against him. But Javier wasn't comfortable with the situation, what if it was indeed someone from Los Pepes, he didn't want you to see it, to witness it… it was humiliating, embarrassing even. But then you gave him those beautiful puppy eyes of yours and he had to give in, he always did when you begged him right. 

As you both arrived not later than 30 minutes, you both saw Manu waiting at the door, he was in his full uniform and smiling big as he realized you'd come along. Just like he had planned. 

He greeted you both good evening, which was ignored as Javier rushed inside, getting to the cells as fast as possible, you followed him right behind, being also tense and curious to know who was the mysterious prisoner. 

"So, as I was trying to say, the prisoner is an old friend of yours, Agent Peña…" Manuel couldn't hide his excitement as the two of you stood in silence.

"JAVIIIII!!!" a squeaky voice came from the inside of the cell, where the prostitute was being held. 

"G-Gabi?" Javier stuttered, swallowing hard as he looked from you to the woman. 

Gabriela used to be his favorite girl to go to when he needed a hand… or a mouth… or any other part really. He'd spent quite a lot on her services over the years and the two of them had the closest thing Javier could call a relationship before you came along. He'd paid for her services, enjoy them and she would still linger around for a cigarette or two, there was even a time she ended up falling asleep next to him, and they only woke up in the morning, and of course, she didn't charge any extras. 

Manu saw your jealousy expression and felt so much joy. He had predicted Javier would screw things up with you, but he just had no idea of how fast he would do it. Even if Manu was enjoying every single second of it, even he thought it was kind of ridiculous how quick your fantasy of living a happy life with Javier was falling into pieces. Because even if he did get his shit together - which Manu and everyone, even you deep down, doubt it, would you still be able to deal with his past?

Manuel grabbed the key and opened the cell "here it is, the person you requested, ma'am" he bit his lip to try to hide the smile the moment Gabi dramatically wrapped herself around Javier's neck and began crying into his shirt, telling him a sob story of how one of her clients refused to pay so the situation turned into a whole scene and the cops were called and she was arrested even if it was unfair. 

Your stomach churned at the scene and you tried your best to remind yourself Javier had a life before you, a very busy one, but would that be frequent? From time to time you'd have to handle ghosts from this past like that?

When that that woman who knew your man better than you did, intimately, more than you did, wrapped her arms around his neck, you knew you had enough for the night, not only for that, but for the whole weekend. 

You turned around and walked out of the station.

____

A/N: so I guess Manu's "revenge" was pretty satisfying, wasn't it? I told you guys I wouldn't turn him into a bad guy, and idk to me he had all the right to call reader that way and he could've done it even worse but I guess he's just a good guy after all. And then he had a little help from destiny and now we gotta wait and see what happens next!!! Tell me what you guys think of this chapter besties ❤️

[lionlena]

Too many shadows behind you (JavierPeñaxf!reader) part 2: There are no shadows without light

Summary: You were born in Laredo, but you didn't meet Javier until he came back from Colombia. You quickly fell in love with him and became his wife. You were happy, but… Shadows of the past begin to haunt Javier, and you lose the fight for his love and look for it in the arms of someone else.

Generally, it's JavierxReader but Joel also appears. Feel warned.

Warnings: age gap, angst, hurt, PTSD, mentions about rape and murders, reader cheating her husband Javier, Yes you read that right, READER cheats on Javier, Javier is a faithful husband.

Sorry, I needed angst

When Javier returned to his hometown and retired, he did not expect anything positive. He had seen too much evil and suffering to count on happiness. He thought he would spend the rest of his life living with his father. He expected to grow more grouchy and lonely with each passing year. And yet, you came into his life. The first thing he noticed was your lemony perfume, and from then on he couldn't think of you other than you was his refreshing. You were like a cold lemonade to him on a hot day. You brought him back to life. Your youth and joy made him a little intimidated at first, but he knew enough about women to see that you were interested in him. But he was afraid you just wanted to have fun. Because why wouldn't you date younger men?

However, as he got to know you better, he realized that you were special and finally asked you out. But he didn't have sex with you after the first date, nor after the second or third date... It wasn't until after six that he took you to bed. You were too precious to him to treat you like a one-night stand, and he wanted you to know that.

Chucho also noticed this and started to pressure his son to settle down. He had some pretty reasonable arguments. Such a beautiful young girl can quickly find someone else. Javier knew it too. He'd seen the way other men looked at you and felt a pang of jealousy, as well as the anxiety of losing you. Even though you weren't interested in anyone else.

Finally, after half a year, he made a decision. He had many doubts, but all related to himself. He was afraid that his reputation would catch up with you. He was worried that he wouldn't give you the life you deserved. However, he took a risk and planned everything. He prepared a picnic and took you horseback riding. But just as he was about to propose to you, it started to rain. You hid under a tree, and since he wanted to be a gentleman to you and take care of you, he handed you his jacket so you wouldn't get cold. But he forgot that he had a ring box in his pocket. As you shoved your hands into pockets, he saw your eyes widen and realized he had ruined everything.

"Javi, is that?" you asked.

"Yes," he murmured. "I'm sorry, it wasn't supposed to look like this... I was supposed to kneel there." He pointed to where the blanket was. "This was supposed to be…"

You didn't let him finish his sentence as you stood on your toes, wrapped your arms around his neck, and kissed him.

"Yes," you whispered into his mouth and started laughing.

Javier had never felt so happy. What in his eyes was a failure, you turned into a success. He grabbed your hips and lifted you, turning around with you in his arms. He laughed with you and realized that you are his light.

Even your quiet wedding wasn't a problem for you. Javier has seen you accept his past and reputation. Right after you got married, he decided one thing: he would be the best husband in the world.

And you, in his eyes, were the sweetest, best wife he could ever dream of. When he came home tired, you were waiting for him with dinner. You rubbed his back and told him about your day. You never held anything against him. One day when he wanted to make you breakfast he burned the pancakes, and you turned it into a joke. You told him he couldn't be too perfect, otherwise, he wouldn't be real.

So he tried to be the best version of himself for you. He showered you with compliments and made sure you knew how much he loved you. He gave you little gifts and always made sure he brought you to several orgasms.

He even started smoking less because your dad died of lung cancer. And no, he wasn't worried about himself, but just about you. So he always made sure you were out of reach of cigarette smoke.

Being your loving husband became the meaning of his life.

But paradoxically, the more he loved you, the bigger the shadows behind him got. It all started with an innocent trip to a bar. You were going to meet some friends for a few drinks and you wanted him to go with you. Another thing that surprised him. You weren't ashamed to go to parties with him, on the contrary, you shined more with him.

However, Javier was not too enthusiastic. After all, he told you that he would join you later. However, he didn't feel like it so much that he thought about calling you with some excuse, but he made you a promise that he would come. He couldn't let you down. When he entered the bar, he immediately noticed you, his Sun. You were laughing with your friends and you were unaware of his presence. He didn't come to you right away. Sometimes he liked to watch you from a distance, and it was satisfying to see other men look at you. He loved their disappointed expressions when you tapped your wedding ring with your fingernail or when you snuggled into his side.

At one point he saw some guy staring at you and he didn't like it. It was no ordinary look of delight. There was something predatory about his gaze. Javier frowned and saw you heading towards the bathroom, the weird guy following you. So of course he followed you too. As you walked down the hall he shouted:

"Y/N, baby!"

You turned around with a big smile and ran towards him. You almost bumped into this shady dude on the way, but you didn't seem to notice him. Only your husband mattered to you.

You fell into his arms with a giggle.

"After all, you are Honey!!!"

He smiled and his finger tapped you on the nose. "How many drinks have you had already?"

"Only four... Maybe five and uh... I need to pee."

Javi shook his head and gently wrapped his arms around your waist. "Go, I'll wait here."

As you walked away, he noticed that the suspicious type had disappeared. It was as if he had vanished into thin air. Javier ignored it. Only you mattered.

Two days later you were hanging around the kitchen preparing breakfast. The radio was playing happy music as you rocked your hips. Javier licked his lips at the sight. He wasn't ready for round two after he finished in you that morning, but the sight was tempting. To occupy his mind with something else, he grabbed the newspaper and immediately opened the crime column, an old habit. But what he read made his heart almost leap out of his chest. A young woman was brutally raped and beaten next to the club where you spent the evening. There was a preliminary description of the rapist that matched the guy who followed you into the bathroom. Javier looked at you and swallowed. Everything was fit. Place, time, description… He imagined your naked, bruised body. Your broken like Helena's. If he hadn't come... If he'd called you with that stupid excuse.

Suddenly he felt your touch on his cheek and realized that you were asking him something.

"What?" he gasped.

"I asked if you're okay. You've turned pale, darling."

Javier nodded and pulled you onto his lap.

"I just want to hug you for a while."

You combed his hair and kissed his head. "Do what you want, baby."

Javier wrapped his arms around you tightly and sighed. Your closeness soothed him, but he kept thinking about it. What if it happened to you? Would it be his fault? What if the rapist beat you so badly that you died from injuries? It's all his fault. Because Javier Peña attracted evil.

And so your light made his shadows lengthen. First, he dreamed of Helena, raped and wounded, lying on a dirty mattress. Then the boy was killed by Carrillo. Sometimes Olivia's mother. Nightmares where he and Steve were late and Olivia died too. Javier thought about it more and more. About all the evil he has allowed. Every time when he was late and someone died. Then he started thinking you weren't safe with him.

Before he knew it, his shadows had swallowed him whole, and he couldn't fight them. It pained him to see you still trying. Even when he was broken, you didn't give up on him and that made him even more distant. He didn't think he deserved you and you shouldn't waste your life on someone like him.

And then he started noticing subtle changes in your behavior. You didn't wait for him with dinner anymore. You were coming back home late and kept close your phone. One night he came back very late. Normally he always slept on the couch then, but something drew him to you. He carefully laid down on the bed next to you and that's when he smell it. Another man's perfume. His heart squeezed painfully and he locked himself in the bathroom where he cried.

But that's what he wanted, you to leave. For a moment he even wanted to laugh at the irony of fate. Once he had abandoned the woman at the altar, and now he was about to be abandoned by his wife. He probably deserved it.

It didn't take long for him to discover who you were having an affair with. And that hurt him too. He expected you to take someone younger and then he could tell himself that his age was the problem. But no. You chose a man named Joel Miller. Javier used his connections with the police and checked him out, but found nothing alarming. No history of violence. Only a few speeding tickets.

So he accepted it and waited for you to tell him you were leaving. Every day he returned with a heavy heart. Every day he expected to see your suitcases or his. And it was like the torture you gave him. This made him more and more angry and bitter every day.

And then Joel was gone, but you stayed and tried to be his sweet wife again, and he wanted to scream in pain. He didn't understand why you doing it. Did you afraid of divorce and scandal?

But he made the decision to take the blame. He loved you too much to expose you to the wrath of your conservative mother and his father. It was easier that way. After all, this is him, Javier Peña, a regular visitor to a Colombian whorehouse. He knew, of course, that some people would mock you, but for most, you would be a victim.

The situation would be different if they knew you were the one who cheated him. Then everyone would look at you like you're a whore, and Javier wouldn't take it. That would be unfair.

Finally, during one of your arguments, the balloon popped and you let everything out. He saw you didn't say it consciously. And on the one hand, he felt relief, and on the other pain.

And of course, he decided to pretend he didn't know about your affair. He didn't want you to feel even more guilty. When you asked if he would fight for yours marriage, he wanted to scream 'YES'. But he no longer believed that you loved him and he wanted you to be free.

Leaving the house was the hardest thing he'd ever done. His heart broke into a million pieces.

Get these left handed lovers out of your way They look hopeful but you, you should not stay If you want me to break down and give you the keys I can do that but I can’t let you leave Oh, please don’t go I want you so I can’t let go For I lose control

*Barcelona - Please don't go

I cry ugly because Javier is so good husband… And I hurt him so much 🤧😭

Part 1

Part 3

[mrsjavierp]

Where you belong?

Chapter 3 - Acquainted

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, drug dealing, bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN, no description of the reader.

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: thanks so much for all your love! Sorry to keep you waiting, hope you like it!

*

Narrator's POV:

Coming out of the shower, Javier, once more, fought against his crave to remember:

Y/N dancing, he could see himself holding that body close...

Stop it, Javier! - he thought

Y/N wearing her red lipstick and a black dress, he could almost feel her lips on his...

No, stop it! - he continued.

Y/N almost purring when she called that stupid barman by "mi amor", oh, he could do so much: He could punish her, he could imagine her moaning...

No, fuck, no! - his voice in his mind almost screamed. - Stop, Javier. He doesn't want you, why would she anyway?

Y/N didn't even like Peña, so he believed...

Of course Y/N's supposed rejection towards Javier could be explained by a bunch of reasons: he was arrogant, was a complicated subordinate, a living RH nightmare, hated to follow the rules and orders, and risks? Oh, the stupid risks...

Truth be told, Javier Peña was fucked up in a lot of ways.

His boss had hella of work to do, a reputation to manage and maintain. If she's half as smart as he thought, she would have studied her team, to say the least.

Javier Peña had a problem, although. He wasn't expecting or counting that she would be so fucking perfect: loved whiskey and cigars, smart and hot as hell, such an angel that a devil like him definitely did NOT deserve.

And, of course, didn't want anything to do with him.

And now, she was just a few steps away, right next door.

Javier took a deep breath, trying to pick up an outfit, be damned the day he said "Yes" to Connie and Steve to join them at the USA's club in Bogota.

*

Y/N's POV - 1st Person

I should've known better... I should've said something before... I knew I wasn't gonna run away forever. - I thought. - Oh fuck, and he just entered home, like, in the morning. Where have you been, Peña? Stop it! Leave it!

I shook my head, trying to keep him out.

I had so much to do, groceries, Mail, beauty salon, bank, Yoga... Then, I'd go check the USA's club here.

But he had to show up like that? When I'm trying to dodge him?

Around 1 pm, I went to the damn club, they checked my ID and let me in.

It seemed really nice, with lots of activities, different sports, a bar, restaurant, SPA... It almost felt like an advantage to fight the drug war.

After I changed and put my bag into the locker they lent to me, I walked around for a while, until I decided to lay by the pool, wearing nothing but my red bikini, enjoying the heat and the breeze.

All was missing: a good drink and a bittersweet cigar.

*

Steve, Connie and Javi arrived about 2 o'clock, and the club looked a little bit empty than it would be on such a beautiful day. All of them were still trying to recover from the insane amount of tequila they drank.

All 3 agreed to go to the pool, since it was such a beautiful day and the bar provided all they needed.

Connie started to babble about Y/N, when they sat down, how she was a strong, smart woman. She wasn't a pushover... If so, Y/N was hard working and demanding of all of the DEA.

Javier made a face, while Y/N was the subject. He just wanted a little bit of peace, just to forget about you, until Monday. Murphy knew his partner like a few, and loved to mess with him even more.

Steve pretended that he didn't understand what bothered Javier so badly and endorsed Connie.

Steve ordered the beers, trying to enjoy a little break from all.

Javier's mind went to a place he avoided, just like the night before: his life in the US.

Truth be told, he could've brought Lorraine, she could try to make a home, he could see his son grow a little closer... But when they offered a chance to escape his wife, he left without looking back.

Colombia, despite all the problems, meant freedom to be, peace to live. He left the US, but brought an old self, another version, honoring his so called fame as "Laredo's leg spreader".

Not even his marriage kept Javier safe from that fame.

Of course, Lorraine and her family ignored all the comments and rumors about it, and when they've got a shot, loved to put Lorraine as a savior, his savior from a life of sins and depraved behavior.

Of course, Javier avoided doing anything at Laredo or its proximity.

But, again, Colombia was a new world, even with an anchor.

Once a week, he called his son, his little boy who was 3 years old, sent letters very often, sent money, different toys and... Was obligated to actually speak to Lorraine.

How could Javier deny his baby boy a family, just like he had?

Well, not exactly like that. Chucho and su mama loved each other a lot, not the same case as he had in his so-called relationship.

Avoiding another self-pity session, Javier made an effort to hunt his next company to bring home... At the same time, he spotted a hella of a piece of ass, wearing a ridiculously small red bikini.

Although Javier couldn't see a face yet, he was quite amused by the view and continued to appreciate it.

A few minutes later, a waiter came to serve her... With a scotch.

Neat scotch.

That's odd. - he thought. - what a coincidence.

She sat down, still not facing him. Her hair was smooth, with the wind playing with it.

"Showtime!" - he whispered to himself, leaving Connie and Steve.

Walking, as if he was the king of the world, towards the red bikini lady, he could see a little more... Her smooth skin, her curves, her nice ass, that was even hotter seeing it closely... Even noticed something on her ribs, maybe a tattoo?

Javier, the king of the world, was wearing a white speedo and open button down linen shirt, his aviator sunglasses, flip flops and his cocky smile...

A smile that started to fade, as her beautiful body became more familiar, her fresh perfume invaded his nostrils... And Y/N finally looked at him.

"There's no fucking way..." - he thought.

Steve and Connie felt like they're watching a stupid romcom, holding themselves, trying not to laugh in a way they'd notice.

"Agent Peña?" - she called him, pretending to be confused, yet, with her mouth watering so badly when notices his cock throbbing through his speedo.

A ridiculous tight speedo, that left little to no imagination.

You ignored the arousal between your legs.

As you spoke his name, with that mocking tone, that accent, that voice he hated to love, Javier became borderline painful. It felt like all of his blood went straight to his cock.

And there was him, dick hard as a rock, wearing small white swimming trunks, face to face with Y/N, the woman who he was positively sure hated his guts.

His jefe.

In parallel, little did Javier Jesus Peña know how you were drooling over his figure.

Of course you're having the time of your life, seeing the embarrassment all over his face, as he did not expect any of that...

However, not only your mouth, but also your very much wet cunt, clenching over nothing.

You got up, walked slowly on purpose, saving that unholy view, to greet that devil.

You meet halfway, but close to the pool.

"Javier Jesus Peña..." - she said, his name dancing on her lips. To him, it felt like something bittersweet. Felt like a motherfucking sin, a curse. - "What brought, better, who dragged you here? Let me guess, Connie and Steve?"

"Si, jefe." - he responded, still in disbelief. - "Care to join us?" - he showed the table. - "I know how you like'em."

Fighting Escobar seemed like eating candy, compared to the effort he was doing to look calm.

"Sure, will be nice. I did not expect company, since we all drank tequila as if it was water... Not even from you, given that you arrived in the morning." - and she laughed.

Javier offered to pick up her stuff, as she made her way to the seat. You let him, trying to keep it together.

In fact, you kept together, just not enough to walk straight, since you fell into the poll.

Per instinct, Javier took off his sunglasses and jumped, to save her.

"Gracias, Javi..." - he noticed that was the first time she called him by nickname.

You had military training, was an unbelievably fast and handy fighter, could take down a man twice your size, knew how to survive in the jungle, to shoot, to swim, to kill... You're Head Chief of the DEA.

Not to Javier, at the moment.

You're just a lady in danger to him.

Yes, Javier Peña was a manwhore, that was no secret, he fucked half of Bogota, was no stranger to brothels... But, on the other hand, he could be a gentleman. He grew up in Texas, it was his southern way.

Javier picked you up in his big and strong arms and took you to the edge of the pool. For a few, he could feel your soft skin, now wet, shivering... Saw your nipples get hard and appear though the bikini…

You really meant to thank him.

Javier just nodded, still taking in all those feelings and sensations, especially the one of having you so close, you fit so well against him...

*

Next

[bellofthemeadow]

The Road Ahead - ch 6 | Frankie Morales x female reader

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

For most of your married life, you dedicated yourself to waiting for Frankie. After each deployment, you patiently awaited his return, longing for the moment when he would be by your side again. During those nights when nightmares consumed his thoughts, you yearned for him to open up to you, hoping that he would find solace in sharing his pain. And as his addiction spiraled out of control, you held onto the hope that he would recognize his problem and seek help. However, despite your countless protests and pleas, you now find yourself waiting for him once more as he ventures off to Colombia, engaged in God knows what.

But this time is different. Determined, you make a solemn promise to yourself: You will never wait for Frankie again.

Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)

Word Count: 9K (Sorry T.T)

Warning: Applicable for the entire fic / PTSD, drug use and addiction, postpartum depression, abusive familial relationships, self-hatred, unhealthy coping mechanism, explicit sexual content, violence, mentions of suicidal thoughts, super angsty

Chapter Summary: Summer without your husband. You don't know what to except for the months ahead with Frankie away in rehab, but you know you want to learn who you are again.

Notes: Hey everyone, thank you very much for the support for this fic, it means the world to me to see people liking, reblogging or commenting!!! This fic is approaching the end unfortunately, as much as I love these two together, it was always meant to be on the shorter side. Since its my first ever story, I wanted to see if I could stick to a story without my mind fizzling and apparently I can ! SO HURRAY! I am anticipating 1 more chapter and 1 long epilogue after this.

I've already started working on fic #2 and #3 and I will be posting the summaries/ series masterlists later tonight or tomorrow morning :) I was also thinking on opening a poll to ask which stories you guys want me to do first.

But in the meantime, hope you all enjoy this chapter !!!!

A Change of Season

MONTH 1 - JUNE

"Are you sure, Alma? I don't want to impose on you too much..." you ask hesitantly, internally hoping Alma will agree to your last-minute request.

"Nonsense, mija. It's my pleasure. You know how I always enjoy spending time with Estrelita, and it gives me a chance to spoil her rotten. Truly, it means the world to this old woman that you trust me to stay with your little Princesa." Alma responds warmly.

Relief washes over you as you let out a grateful sigh. "Thank you so, so much, Alma. I hate asking so last minute, but my boss just called me to cover this Saturday since I have to take Ella to get her shots today. And I know Ella would be thrilled to spend time with her favorite abuela.”

Alma Vargas Morales snorts angrily on the other end of the line. "I can't believe those pendejos would make you work over the weekend like that. As if baby shots could be re-scheduled like a nail appointment! I'm tempted to march over there and give them a piece of my mind!”

You can't help but let out a laugh, picturing Frankie's spirited 72-year-old mother storming into the Florida Community College library, grabbing your boss by the ear, and dressing him down loud enough for the dean of strudents to hear. You’d pay good money to see that. “But seriously, Alma, I can't express how much I appreciate this. You're a lifesaver.”

"And you are an amazing mother, mija..." You can hear Alma taking a deep breath on the other side of the line. "Not many women would have done what you have for your daughter and your husband."

"Alma..." you begin to interject, but she cuts you off.

"No, mija. Francisco was so out of line he couldn't even see the line anymore. I didn't raise my son to act like this, and you are way better than he deserves at the moment." Alma's words carry a mix of frustration and disappointment.

Alma takes another breath, her voice softening. "I love mi hijo, I nursed him, took care of him when he was sick, I saw him grow from a shy little boy into a handsome and self-assured man. But he was never really happy until he met you, mija. Now, es el momento de que Francisco se arrepienta de sus pecados." Her tone finishes somberly.

You're left speechless, both deeply moved and unsure by Alma's sudden outburst. The woman had always been strict but loving. When Frankie was young, they didn't have much. His father died young and without insurance, leaving Alma alone to raise Frankie and his two sisters. But Alma had done her best to provide for her three children and give them every opportunity she could.

Now, Frankie's younger sister followed in her mother's footsteps as a nurse, while the eldest had become an accountant before deciding to stay home with her own children. Alma was a strong woman whom you had always admired. When you first met her, she had looked at you for only a couple of seconds before grabbing you by the neck with her tiny yet stout stature, pulling you into a tight embrace. "Thank you for taking care of mi hijo, God knows that knucklehead needs it! Just like his dad, that one is! " she had whispered in your ear before releasing you and playfully swatting Frankie's head. "What the hell was that for?" Frankie had exclaimed.

"No decir groserías," Alma had answered, her gaze piercing Frankie. "That was for hiding this lovely girl all this time and for not minding your manners. You haven't even offered her anything to drink yet!" Frankie rubbed his head and muttered, "Esta es tu casa…"

"Qué dijiste Francisco?" Alma questioned sternly.

"Nada, Nada," Frankie quickly replied, trying to diffuse the situation.

Throughout the entire interaction between mother and son, you had held back your laughter. But as Frankie's cheeks turned pink, he made his way towards you, and you couldn't help but think that you would love to be a part of this family. Since that day, you had loved Alma, and she had become the mother figure you had never truly had in your life.

"Alma, whatever happens between Francisco and me will never have any repercussions on your relationship with Ella. I would never take her away from you or your family. Ella is a Morales, and you can see her whenever you want," you assure her.

On the other side of the line, you hear Alma's sniffles. "Maldito Francisco, eres un estúpido muchacho," Alma mutters, her voice filled with frustration. "Francisco has made a lot of mistakes, but the one thing he didn't mess up was marrying you, mija."

"Gracias, mama. I promise that whatever happens, Ella and I will always be there," you express sincerely.

"Gracias, mija," Alma replies warmly.

"Is it okay if I drop Ella on Saturday around 7:30 am? I have to be at the library by 8:15," you ask.

"Of course, es muy perfecto! I'll make my famous tostadas!" Alma responds enthusiastically, her excitement palpable.

You can't help but let out a laugh at Alma's enthusiasm. "Alma, you know that Ella is just 5 months old, right? She won't be able to taste your famous tostadas for a while yet."

Alma lets out a huff, acknowledging her oversight. "I got ahead of myself; I suppose."

"I'll pump some milk and have it ready for you in her bag," you suggest. After a brief pause, you add, "Will you call me to tell me how everything is going?"

You can hear Alma's affectionate tone as she responds, "Mija, I'll send you updates every hour on your phone, with those messages things you kids always send each other. You don't have to worry. I've raised three babies, and they all reached adulthood, although some have made questionable decisions."

"Thank you so much, Alma. I really appreciate it," you express gratefully, feeling a sense of relief knowing that Ella will be in capable and loving hands.

"ESTRELLA MORALES!" The loud voice of the tall brunette clad in blue scrubs resonates through the large waiting room.

"Sorry, mama, I have to go. It's Ella's turn," you whisper urgently into the phone.

"Te quiero, mija. I will see you tomorrow morning."

Quickly, you close your phone and grab the stroller where Ella is peacefully napping. Gathering your belongings, you ensure that everything is in order before hurrying after the nurse. As she leads you into a smaller room, she introduces herself. "My name is Coral, and I'll be administering the vaccines for little Ella today," she says, reaching for the files on her desk. "I see she is here for the DTaP-IPV-Hib vaccine. It shouldn't take too long."

Coral glances inside the stroller where Ella has woken up from her nap and is looking around anxiously. "Well, isn't she a cutie? Hello, baby," Coral greets Ella warmly, taking out a bright pink rattle and shaking it in front of her. Ella responds with a delighted laugh, momentarily distracted from the unfamiliar surroundings.

"All right, mama, I'm going to need you to hold your baby while I give her the shots. She won't like it, as few babies do, but I'll be as quick as possible," Coral informs you, her professional demeanour evident. She briefly scans the page of Ella's file before her eyes narrow slightly. "I also wanted to confirm something with you. I only see one signature on the parental form, but there is a Francisco Morales listed on Ella's file. Should we be made aware of a change in the files?"

Your heart drops at the insinuation, and a mix of emotions floods over you. "Frankie... I mean, Francisco is Ella's father," you explain, your voice tinged with a touch of defensiveness. "He is currently unable to sign off on the documents due to personal reasons, but I promise he is 100% supportive of every medical decision I make for Ella."

You realize that you're frantically trying to justify yourself to this stranger, feeling the weight of judgment and the need to ensure that Ella's well-being is understood. Coral looks back at you, then at the file, before letting out a sigh. "Look, I'm not trying to trick you," she begins, her voice filled with a mix of empathy and professional concern. "But as medical professionals, we have a responsibility to ensure that the environment at home is safe for Estrella. You understand what I'm saying.” The mere mention of home safety sends a chill down your spine, the silent threat of involving CPS clear in Coral’s tone.

With a knot forming in your stomach, you gather your thoughts and respond cautiously, your voice betraying a hint of fear. "Yes, I understand," you manage to say, trying to keep your composure. "I assure you that Estrella's home environment is safe and loving. We prioritize her well-being above everything else, and we take every precaution to provide her with a secure and nurturing space. My husband is just… unavailable right now.”

Coral glances back at you, her eyes narrowing slightly as she processes your response. "As you say," she acknowledges, her tone carrying a hint of reservation. However, her sunny disposition quickly resurfaces, and a warm smile returns to her face. "All right then," she says, her voice brightening. "Shall we proceed with this little shot?”

MONTH 2 - JULY

You sit outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun on one of the only free benches in front of the library building. With a tomato sandwich in one hand, you type a message to Mrs. Hu, asking about Ella's day so far. Almost immediately, Mrs. Hu responds by sending you an adorable picture of Ella on her belly, reaching for her favourite cat plushy, a big orange thing with oversized ears and fuzzy white paws. It melts your heart, and for the 100th time, you can’t help but be amazed at the wonderful being your love with Frankie created.

Frankie... Oh, Frankie. Today feels bittersweet, as on the one hand, you hadn’t thought of him too much, but on the other hand, you felt guilty because you hadn’t thought of him that much. Some days are almost unbearable, as your mind becomes entangled with memories of… memories of everything before it all went to hell. You replay moments: the goods, the less-than goods and everything in between. But still, all these moments were what made you and Frankie a team, a partnership. It was a life you built together. Still, you couldn’t help but question your actions and wonder if anything could have prevented the events that unfolded over the last two months.

Yet, dwelling on these thoughts only serves to torment you further. Now when these thoughts surface, you try your best to follow the guidance of your new therapist. You try to let the memories wash over you like rain on an umbrella, try to let them come, accept them without letting yourself be ruled by them. But they persist, stubbornly clinging to every corner of your mind. It's a difficult battle, and despite your earnest efforts, grief and longing persistently infiltrate both your waking hours and restless nights. The weight of it all hangs heavily in the air, casting a sad shadow over your life. You yearn for a bit of reprieve from the ceaseless ache that Frankie's absence has left behind. But today is a good day. So far.

The blaring alarm on your phone abruptly interrupts your lunch break, signalling that it's time to return to work. Hastily cramming the last remnants of your sandwich into your mouth, you briskly make your way toward the imposing building. Upon reaching the entrance, you make your way to the help desk, where you settle down and begin reviewing emails and addressing various queries from staff and students.

As you open the first email, which seems to be part of an infinite pile (how is this possible after just half an hour?), your attention is diverted by the approaching figure of the library director. A distinguished-looking older man, his hair hangs in wispy white strands, lending him an air of wisdom. His tweed suit, more reminiscent of academia at Oxford than the sunny locale of Florida, accentuates his scholarly aura.

"Sweetheart, do you mind coming into my office?" You can't help but cringe at the nickname. You've never been fond of the nickname. You were initially uncomfortable but later learned from Roberta, another librarian who looked like she was born between the bookshelves, that he addresses everyone this way. Annoying and reductive, perhaps, but ultimately benign. And honestly, apart from the cringeworthy calling, Director Robertson is an amicable presence with no noteworthy complaints.

"Of course, Mr. Robertson. Would you like me to come in now?" "Yes, please," he says, his fingers delicately twirling his long mustache, "I know you've just returned from your lunch break, so I presume you haven't embarked on any new tasks yet." Captivated momentarily by the whimsical sight of his mustache dance, you acquiesce and rise from your desk before placing a sign that reads "Keep reading - Be back in 15 min." Trotting diligently behind your boss, you traverse the expanse of the library, guided by the soft glow of sunlight streaming through the windows. Finally, you arrive at his office nestled at the rear of the building, granting an enchanting vista overlooking a courtyard where students are rushing to their next classes.

Director Robertson gestures toward the plush, cushioned chair positioned in front of his grand wooden desk, silently inviting you to take a seat. With a touch of unease, you settle into the chair, your hands nervously intertwining in your lap. There's something about Director Robertson's stern grandfatherly demeanour that always makes you feel like a scolded child in his presence. Seeking solace, you follow the advice of your therapist, taking a deep breath and counting silently (1-2-3), before releasing it slowly, allowing the tension to dissipate. Untangling your hands, you place them gingerly on the armrests of the chair. After all, sometimes you have to "fake it till you make it," right?

"What can I do for you, Director?" you inquire, maintaining a composed facade despite the underlying nervousness.

"AH! That's what I appreciate about you, dear!" Director Robertson exclaims with a hint of enthusiasm. "You don't beat around the bush, and you don't try to kiss my ass like everyone else around here!" His words, while somewhat brash, sound genuine.

"I am glad to hear it, sir..." You respond, feeling a sense of perplexity. The sudden shift in conversation catches you off guard, leaving you momentarily lost.

"How is that little girl of yours? Your little baby, right? How old is she now?" Director Robertson inquires, a touch of warmth underlying his words.

"Ella, sir. She's just about 5 months old," you answer, a fondness evident in your voice as you think of your daughter.

"Still so young! Ah, well, you still have a couple of years before she becomes unbearable. I've had 5 of those, my dear, and let me tell you, it doesn't get easier," Director Robertson responds with jovial teasing, his words laced with a sense of seasoned experience.

"Right, well hopefully I'll survive the tween years unscathed," you respond, trying to match Director Robertson's teasing tone.

Director Robertson bursts into a hearty, full-bellied laugh, his amusement filling the room. He reaches inside his desk, retrieving an official-looking letter. "Do you know what this is, dear?" he asks, a gleam of anticipation in his eyes.

"I'm afraid not," you reply, your throat suddenly dry with anticipation.

"This is a job offer that the University of Florida sent me last week for the directorial position in their library," he reveals. Your heart skips a beat. The University of Florida—the dream institution. Positions like that were nearly non-existent, as it seemed their librarians were born and died at their posts, passing the torch down the line.

"That's amazing, sir! You must be really happy," you exclaim, genuine excitement resonating in your voice.

"Well, I declined the offer," Director Robertson confesses nonchalantly, his words causing a mixture of surprise and confusion to wash over you.

"Oh, but why? The University of Florida has some of the best facilities in the state, and the salary must be significantly better than what we have here. And the access to all those books—it must be incredible!" You can't help but let your tone drift into wistfulness, envisioning the possibilities.

"I'm sure it is, but I'm reaching a certain age, and I promised my wife that we'd retire in her family's home in Capua," Director Robertson explains, a hint of nostalgia colouring his words. "Let me tell you, deary, I'll take Capua, Italy over the University of Florida any day. And you know what they say: 'Happy wife, happy life,'" he playfully scrunches his nose. "Make sure your husband remembers that dear," he adds, teasingly.

A heavy rock settles in your belly at his words, but you manage to smile through it. "I'll make sure to remind him," you reply, masking any personal turmoil beneath a veneer of cheerfulness.

"You better. Men sometimes need a good whack on their head to remind them that they would be nothing without their wives," Director Robertson remarks, his fingers fidgeting with his mustache once again, as if deep in thought.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not sure I understand why I'm here," you ask, your uncertainty evident. The words hang in the air, seemingly snapping the older man back into focus. His pale blue eyes settle on you before a secretive smile graces his face.

"Because when I said no, I recommended you for the job, my dear," he reveals, his voice carrying a sense of pride and hidden intentions. Your heart stops, the revelation jolting you with disbelief.

"You... You... You did what?!" you stammer, your voice escalating into a screech. Heat surges through your body, from head to toe, as a mix of shock and astonishment overwhelms you.

"Deary, you've been here for how long? Seven years? And in those seven years, you've completely revamped this library," Director Robertson calmly begins. "All the programs you added for the students have made this place thrive. The faculty-based librarian assistance program was a stroke of genius if I may say so. And the digitalization of our database was an incredible achievement that completely propelled us into the 21st century."

He pauses, allowing his words to sink in. "There was no one I would have felt comfortable recommending, as it is my name on the line. But you, my dear, I know that you have the capacity to make anything your own and make it shine."

The weight of his words hangs in the air, the realization of the immense opportunity dawning upon you. Director Robertson's faith in your abilities washes over you, mingling with the heat that had consumed you moments ago.

"Now, you don't have to accept, of course," Director Robertson remarks, his tone understanding. "The university is about an hour's drive from here, so it would be quite the commute. But it would come with a hefty pay raise." With a swift motion, he slides the papers across the desk, urging you to take a look.

You turn the papers over, and your eyes widen as you see the figures before you. An 8 followed by another 8, followed by a series of zeros that threaten to make you faint. It's more than double your current salary, a staggering amount that fills your mind with all the possibilities that would come with such a raise. "That's... That's a substantial amount of money," you whisper, the words barely escaping your lips. The weight of the figure displayed on the paper sends a shiver down your spine, leaving you momentarily speechless.

"Indeed, deary, indeed," Director Robertson affirms, his voice filled with a sense of reassurance and pride.

"I can't believe it; I don't know how to express my gratitude. Sir, I am so incredibly thankful for this opportunity!" you exclaim, a mixture of excitement and nerves coursing through you. "Should I send an email to someone? Who should I reach out to? Should I prepare for an interview? Oh my god, what about my work here?”

Director Robertson's smile remains warm and comforting. "Please, don't worry about your current work here. I have every confidence that Jocelyn will step up and shoulder her fair share of responsibilities. As for the university, they already have all your information and will soon send you a comprehensive email with all the necessary details. At this stage, any interview would primarily be a formality, as I know without a doubt that you will excel.”

You rise to your feet and extend your hand towards Director Robertson, gripping his hand firmly. "I promise, sir, I won't let you down. I will do my best to be deserving of the trust you have placed in me," you affirm with determination, your voice filled with gratitude.

Director Robertson's eyes soften even further, reflecting a genuine warmth. He clasps your small hand in his wrinkled, larger ones. "There's no need to worry about any of that, my dear. Just go out there, impress them, and let your radiant spirit shine like the sun," he kindly encourages,

Tears well up in your eyes, and with a small, trembling voice, you squeak, "Would it be too presumptuous to ask for a hug, sir?"

Director Robertson's kind smile widens, and he extends his arms, inviting you into an embrace. As he wraps his arms around you, you inhale the comforting scent of old cotton and pines, a fragrance that exudes reassurance and kindness. "Thank you for everything, sir," you murmur, your voice filled with gratitude.

"You deserve every bit of it, my dear. I don't think you fully understand the immense potential that resides within you. If you could truly see it for yourself, you would be unstoppable," Director Robertson assures you, his words resonating deep within your being.

Unstoppable. The word dances in your mind. You like the sound of that.

MONTH 3 – AUGUST

“Estrelita, my little love, I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the whole wide world. Even though Papa is away, please know that you're always on his mind. Let me tell you my all-time favorite story, the one your abuela used to tell your tias and me when we couldn't sleep. It's called "El Conejo y el Coyote," and it starts like this; Una vez el coyote se encontró a un conejito y le dijo….”

Frankie's voice fades as he skillfully imitates the rabbit and the coyote on the recording. Ella seems entranced by the story, yet unsure to hear her papa's voice without seeing him there. You've developed the habit of playing the recording at least once a day for Ella, so she can always be close to her papa, even when he's away. And if you're completely honest with yourself, you also play it for you. Even after all this time, hearing Frankie's voice still makes the butterflies in your stomach flutter.

Frankie's letter remains unopened on your bedside table. You haven't been able to open it yet. You don't know if you will. As much as you miss Frankie and hope he's doing well in rehab, you still don't know what you'll do when he leaves at the end of next month. You know he'll be allowed visitors as of next week, marking three whole months he's been there. But you don't know if you should go if you're completely honest with yourself. You know Ella has to go, that's not even a debate. But should you?

Alma is also unsure if you should go, stating that with your new job and the new hours, you should focus on yourself and Ella. She kindly offered to bring Ella with her when she goes for his weekly allotted visitation time. You might take her up on that offer.

Frankie's voice comes to a stop, signalling that the story is over, and Ella appears heartbroken. You notice her bottom lip flutter angrily, and her face turns red. Unable to resist, you chuckle and say, "Don't get mad peanut. Do you want to listen to your papa's story again?" With a smile, you walk over to the recorder and press rewind, filling the air with Frankie's voice once more. Ella's clapping and happy expression from her playpen make your smile widen.

Currently, she is nestled on a mountain of soft pillows, engrossed in playing with the play gym you got her when the rattle lost its appeal 3 weeks ago. It's hard to believe she's already in her sixth month—time has flown by, and she has grown so quickly. The thought nearly brings tears to your eyes. Ella is determinedly reaching for one of the planets hanging from the chord, but her little arms fall just short of grasping it. You laugh at her expression of determination, reminding you of Frankie and his own determined expression when he was working on revamping an old beat-up mustang, he got at a garage sale.

However, your thoughts are abruptly interrupted by a rapid succession of knocks at your door.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Coming!" you bellow loudly, making your way toward the door.

You open the door and are greeted with Benny's grinning face, in one hand holding a 6-pack of beers and in the other holding a toolbox. You roll your eyes and say, "You didn't have to bring anything, Benny. You're helping me, so I should provide the beer."

Benny smiles and replies, "Don't worry about it, sunshine. I had to make sure the good stuff would be here."

Teasingly, you inquire, "Are you doubting my beer selection, Benny?"

He lets out a laugh and says, "Nah, not you. Just Fish. You know he drinks that watered-down piss that passes for beer. I had to make sure there'd be something with more substance available."

"You're such an idiot, and you know I have tools, right? Frankie's got the locker full of them."

You scratch your head in embarrassment and continue, "I just don't know how to use them, that's all."

Benny laughs and says, "I can't in good conscience use another man's tools. Those things are like sacred, you know? Can't go around and mess up Fish's system or whatever."

You look at the large toolbox and see the name "W. Miller" written in large white letters on the front. You snort, "So that's why you took Will's tools?"

Benny's ear turns slightly pink as he responds, "He's my brother, everything that’s his, is mine or whatever."

You roll your eyes playfully, "All right, well, can I offer you one of the beers you brought then?"

Benny replies, "Nah, not right now, sunshine. I've got to be on my A-game to fix your shit. Where is it, anyway?"

You lead Benny toward the bathroom, where the fan is closed. Flicking one of the two switches, a loud groaning noise emanates from the top of the shower.

"The fan is busted. Now when I take a shower, I turn the whole place into a sauna. And I'm getting a bit afraid that mold or mushrooms are going to appear, you know? The landlord said he was going to fix it, but it's been 3 weeks with no answers. If Frankie were here, he would..."

You stop yourself, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"Anyway, I told the landlord that if he provided the materials, I'd fix it, and here we are."

Benny smiles and says, "Shouldn't be too hard. Are you ready to play assistant contractor, Sunshine?"

You snort and reply, "Sure, boss. Lead the way."

Benny puts the toolbox next to the sink and goes to inspect the damage. You hover around the door, keeping an eye on Ella who is still in the same position as earlier, now listening to Frankie tell a story about two volcanoes who fall in love. The scene brings a smile to your face.

"Hey, assistant, before I get started, do you mind shutting down the electricity for the bathroom, so I don't become Toasted Benny?" Benny asks. You nod and reply, "Sure, give me a sec." Making your way to the electrical box, you turn off the power in the bathroom. On your return, you quickly check on Ella, who is still determined to grab the hanging planet. You smile and give her nose a tiny kiss before making your way back inside the bathroom.

"All closed, Ben," you inform him. Benny responds, "Awesome. Can you grab me one of the adjustable wrenches? It should be on the top of the box. I'll just take out the old fan, disconnect the wiring, and fit the new fan inside. Should be all done in an hour."

You nod and pick up what looks like a wrench, though you're about 73% sure it's the right one. You ask, "Is this okay?" Benny extends his hand and says, "Yep, all good. Give it here." You place the wrench in Benny's hand, and he smiles at you, saying, "See, you aren't so hopeless. By the end of today, you're going to be the best assistant contractor in Florida."

You smile at Benny's puppy-like excitement and reply, "Sure, Ben, sure."

You watch Benny diligently work on the fan, removing the old moldy contraption. He lets out a whistle at the sight and exclaims, "Fuck, when was that thing installed? The fucking Stone Age?"

"Pretty sure caves weren't equipped with centralized electricity," you quip back. Benny looks down from his elevated position on top of the bathtub and retorts, "Ha. Ha. Ha, aren't you clever." You give him a broad smile and reply, "I know, right?!"

"Why don't you be clever over there and throw that old fan away," Benny suggests. You nod and reach for the old fan, making your way toward the bin. As you do, you hear Benny shout after you, "Make sure to bring back the new one!" You roll your eyes playfully and respond, "I'm not that clueless, Benny!" A loud chuckle echoes from the bathroom as you head to the counter where the shiny new fan awaits. Your eyes briefly glance at Ella, and...

"BENNY, BENNY, COME HERE QUICKLY!"

You hear a commotion coming from the bathroom as Benny stumbles out, panicked. "What?! What's wrong?!?!" he exclaims. You simply point to the living room carpet, your eyes filled with happy tears. "Look!!!" you say, barely able to contain your excitement.

Benny follows your gaze and looks down to see Ella on her belly, attempting to crawl toward the coffee table where the recording of Frankie has stopped playing. You urgently shake Benny's arm. "Quick, quick, grab your phone!!! Oh my god, she's never crawled before, Ben!!! I have to film this. Quickly, my phone is in the bedroom, grab yours!!!"

Benny's eyes widen with a mixture of astonishment and joy. Without wasting a second, he retrieves his phone from his pocket and opens the camera “Go to her! I’ll be your own cameraman!!!”

You smile warmly and swiftly make your way to Ella, crouching down next to the coffee table as she momentarily pauses in her crawling. She looks up at you with tired yet determined eyes. "Come on, my little peanut, you're almost there!" you cheer, feeling a surge of pride and excitement. In the background, Benny chimes in with a playful exclamation, "Let's go, Ella! Show them who's the best fucking baby in the world!"

You shoot Benny a disapproving look, and he responds with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Sunshine, I'm just...so excited!" he says, his words stumbling out of his mouth. Rolling your eyes, you turn your attention back to Ella. "Come on, peanut, you've got this!" you encourage her, your voice filled with loving adoration.

Ella's determined expression, so much like Frankie's, reappears on her face as she resumes her crawling. Benny and you continue to shout words of encouragement, your voices filled with excitement and pride, as she inches closer and closer to her destination.

Finally, Ella reaches the coffee table, and without hesitation, you bend down to grab her, gently scooping her into your arms. Overwhelmed with joy, you give her a crushing hug, unable to contain the immense love and pride you feel in that moment.

"You did so good, baby. Mama is so, so proud of you!" you whisper, your voice filled with pride. With a tender smile, you softly nuzzle your nose against Ella's. Ella coos happily in response, her little sounds of joy filling the air and further melting your heart.

You bring your face up and turn towards Benny, who is still holding the camera, a hopeful look in your eyes. "Did you catch all that, Ben? Wasn't she absolutely amazing?" you ask, eager to hear his response. Benny's face lights up with his signature megawatt smile, and he exclaims, "SHE WAS GREAT!!! Ella, you are just like a shooting shining star!!!”

Benny continues, his excitement contagious. "Now, proud mama, you got anything to say to the camera?" he prompts. With a radiant smile, you twirl around, holding Ella close to your heart. "Only that I've got the bestest little peanut in the whole world!" you declare with overflowing love and pride. Ella lets out a happy squeal in response, and the sound of Benny's laughter echoes in the background.

MONTH FOUR – SEPTEMBER

Frankie found himself seated at one of the picnic tables outside, overlooking the tranquil man-made pond in the rehab facility's backyard. Nervously fidgeting with his fingers, he’s been reflecting all morning on the past three and a half months he’s spent here. His mother had eagerly awaited the fourth month when visitations were permitted. However, Frankie had approached the session coordinator and asked for a delay in visits. Despite his deep desire to see his mother, sisters, daughter, brothers, and… You, he didn't feel emotionally prepared for it. Not yet.

The day before September 1st, Frankie had experienced a crippling panic attack that left him completely incapacitated. The following morning, he gathered the courage to stride into the office of the head therapist. Once there, Frankie had explained to him that he needed more time before he would be able to face anyone. Dr. Stevens had smiled and told Frankie how proud he was that he was finally setting boundaries and acknowledging his limits. If there was on thing Frankie’s time in the rehab had taught him, it was the value of recognizing his own needs, a lesson he had never truly internalized during his years in the army. He had become so accustomed to unquestioningly following orders, regardless of the harm they inflicted on him, that he had forgotten that he needed to care for himself and listened to his needs sometimes.

During therapy sessions, Dr. Stevens had emphasized the significance of listening to Frankie's own desires and engaging in introspection. The therapist pointed out that, by consistently ignoring his own wants, Frankie's inner turmoil found an outlet through self-destructive behaviours. Dr. Stevens believed that if Frankie started paying attention to his own needs and delved deeper into self-reflection, the compulsion to numb his pain with cocaine might gradually diminish, even if only minimally.

Frankie sighed heavily, his hand sweeping across his face as he noticed a mother duck leading her adorable ducklings across the serene lake. These past few months had undoubtedly been the most challenging period he had ever faced, and Frankie had been shot multiple times before. So that’s saying something. Confronting the stark contrast between the person he believed himself to be and the person he had become, all while battling intense withdrawal symptoms, had left him feeling lethargic during the initial weeks.

Throughout his life, Frankie had always viewed himself as a provider, a dependable man on whom others could rely. Memories flooded his mind, particularly the day his father passed away when Frankie was just a young boy. He vividly recalled how, the day before his father's death, the man he had admired for his strength and dedication to his family had called upon ten-year-old Frankie. "Francisco," his father had spoken with pain, surrounded by the incessant beeping of medical equipment, "I need you to take care of your mother and sisters when I'm gone. You will be the man of the house, and it's your responsibility to look after those you love."

Frankie had internalized those words and earnestly tried to fulfill his father's wishes, caring for his mother, sisters, and eventually you and Ella. However, in the end, he felt that he had failed spectacularly. When he confessed these deep fears to Dr. Stevens, a wave of vulnerability washed over him, tears streaming down his face. The older therapist regarded Frankie with a sympathetic expression, moving closer and offering a tissue.

"You haven't failed anyone, Francisco," Dr. Stevens reassured him, gently patting his back. "Yes, you've made mistakes, but now you are making the right choices and striving to make amends. You don't have to live up to any expectations or face external pressures alone. Your focus should be on taking each day as it comes. As long as you care for your wife and your little girl, it will be enough. I am certain that if they were here, they would tell you the same."

Then, Dr. Stevens had Frankie make lists. A list of the things he was most afraid of:

Loosing you and Ella for good

Seeing his brothers die

His mother never forgiving him

Dying before he could see Ella grow up

Not being the man, his father wanted him to be.

Then a list of all those he had hurt,

You and Ella, the two persons cherished the most.

Ben, Will and Pope, the brothers who counted on him and whom he let down.

His mother who didn’t raise him to be what he his today

Tom, whose life was lost due to the choices he made.

Himself himself

Then a list of all he regretted

Lying to you, betraying your trust.

Bringing drugs home, staining the sanctity of the home you built together

Taking your love for granted, failing to appreciate you.

Keeping himself closed off, unable to fully express his emotions.

Shooting first Causing Tom’s death

After finishing the lists, Frankie was instructed to go back to his room and engage and reflect on what he had written. Left alone with his thoughts, Frankie delved into the profound weight of his past actions and the far-reaching consequences they had on the people in his life.

Even though it was incredibly tough, Frankie drew strength from imagining you and Ella right there with him, offering unwavering support. Your smiles and hopeful expressions fueled his determination when he felt overwhelmed and tempted to give up.

Frankie knew how crucial it was to take his recovery seriously. He understood that unless he fully committed to it, the chances of winning you back would dwindle. But it wasn't just the fear of losing you that pushed him forward. Deep down, he genuinely wanted to change. He wanted to be a better man, not just for you but also for himself. He didn't want to be that scared and dishonest boy anymore.

Frankie was well aware of the pain he had caused you, and he acknowledged that the drugs were only a fragment of the larger issue. He understood that his actions stemmed from a deeper problem — his reluctance to open up and reveal the parts of himself he found most fearful and repulsive. The mere thought of you looking at him with disgust in your eyes was unbearable to him.

Deep down, Frankie knew that such concerns were unfounded. He knew that you would never judge him for his past or hold his mistakes against him. However, fear and self-hatred have a way of distorting one's thoughts and leading to irrational behaviour. Frankie recognized the irrationality of his actions and the influence fear and self-doubt had over his decisions.

But Frankie was learning. He was slowly coming to terms with the fact that his fears and self-judgment were hindering his progress. He began to realize that the path to healing required vulnerability and trust, especially in his relationship with you. Overcoming his own insecurities and learning to open up was a crucial step towards rebuilding the trust he had broken.

For Frankie and you to have a chance at reuniting, he understood the importance of treating you as an equal partner, rather than just his wife in need of protection. Opening up and being honest with you were crucial steps he needed to take. In the group therapy sessions, the topic of his treatment towards you had come up, and one woman in particular, Ronnie, didn't hold back in expressing her opinion. She bluntly stated that if she were in your position, she would have swiftly shown Frankie the door, recounting her own experience with an ex-husband who had been a taciturn statue throughout their short-lived marriage.

Ronnie's words struck a nerve with Frankie, leaving him feeling exposed and vulnerable. He felt raw and tender. But he could only acknowledge that she had a valid point. He had failed to communicate and share his thoughts and emotions with you, and that had taken a toll on your relationship.

Dr. Stevens had attempted to calm the group, but the impact of Ronnie's words lingered within Frankie for a couple of days afterward. Frankie had no choice but to confront the truth of how his behaviour had affected you and how he had fallen short of being the partner you deserved.

Frankie's thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a firm clap on his back, drawing his attention away from the peaceful pond. Frankie's face lit up with genuine joy when he catches the blue eyes of Will looking back at him.

"Will! Man, it's so good to see you!" Frankie exclaims, rising from his seat to embrace his friend in a tight hug. "How have you been, brother?"

"Good, good. Same old routine—VA visits, giving speeches, and keeping Benny out of trouble," Will replies, "Oh, and I might have met someone special," he adds, a playful grin on his face.

Frankie's face lit up even more. "That's fantastic, Will! I'm really happy for you," he exclaims, gesturing for his friend to take a seat on the opposite side of the picnic table. "This spot gives you the best view of this place," Frankie remarks, pointing towards the serene pond and the ducks swimming on its surface.

Will settles into the seat with a contented smile. "I can see why," he replies, appreciating the calm scene. His eyes then shifted to Frankie, noticing a change in his friend's demeanour. "You look good, Fish. Actually, better than I've seen you in a while," Will remarks, his voice filled with genuine warmth.

Frankie's expression softens, gratitude filling his gaze. "Thanks, Will. I feel good too," he confesses, a mix of relief and newfound understanding in his voice. "Being here has given me the time and space to confront things I wasn't ready to face about myself. I wish I had done it sooner, instead of being so stubborn. It was the best thing I could have done for myself and for them," he explains.

Will's smile widens, expressing his genuine happiness for his friend. "I'm glad to hear it, Fish," he replies warmly.

As the two friends catch up, their conversation started to delve into the time they had spent apart. Frankie eagerly sharing his experiences in group therapy and the progress he had made with his personal therapist. He spoke openly about the challenges he faced during the initial month of withdrawal, recounting the intense loneliness that had enveloped him during that period.

Frankie's voice grew heavier as he broached the topic of guilt surrounding Tom's death. Will's gaze turned serious, his eyes locked onto Frankie's, conveying a sense of understanding and empathy. With a firm conviction in his voice, Will interrupted Frankie's self-blame.

"None, and I mean it, Fish," Will asserts, his words laced with sincerity. "None of what happened in Colombia was your fault. We all had a part to play in those circumstances, and you don't have to shoulder that burden alone, alright?"

Tears welled up in Frankie's eyes as he nodded, his voice trembling with gratitude. "Thank you, Will," he chokes out, his voice thick with emotion. "I needed to hear that, to be reminded that I'm not alone in this. It means the world to me."

Will reaches out and places a comforting hand on Frankie's shoulder, offering both physical and emotional support. "You never have to face this journey alone, Fish," Will assures him, his voice filled with unwavering loyalty. "We're in this together, and I'll always be here for you."

A brief pause hung in the air as Frankie's gaze shifted to the side, a touch of melancholy crossing his face. He mustered the courage to ask the question that had been weighing on his mind, his voice tinged with longing. "Did you see my wife and Ella while I was away... How... How are they doing?"

Will's smile softens, his own eyes wandering toward the ducks in the distance. "They seemed well," he replies. "Ella grew like a weed, you know. And your lady, she's doing great. Got herself a new job with better pay. I could tell she was really proud of it."

Frankie closes his eyes, allowing the words to wash over him. For a fleeting moment, guilt threatens to seep in—the guilt of not being there by your side. But just as quickly, it dissipates, replaced by an overwhelming sense of love and admiration for you and the strides you were making while he focuses on his own journey of healing. "A promotion, huh? She's so smart. I can't wait to tell her how happy I am for her," he whispers. A spark of excitement flickers within him. "Did you guys celebrate? Because I can organize something once I'm out."

Will's smile broadens. "We thought we'd wait for you, but we did take her and Ella to Outback Steakhouse," he reveals. "Is she planning to visit before you leave?"

"I'll be out in two weeks, and Mama is coming with Ella next week, but I think it's best if we wait until I'm out," Frankie explains, his voice tinged with a mix of longing and practicality.

"That's fair," Will nods understandingly. "She seems well, Fish, but I can tell she's lonely. She looks like she misses you."

Frankie's eyes brim with tender determination, "She could never miss me as much as I miss her and Ella. This time here has made me realize how fortunate I am and how close I came to squandering it all. I'll never make that mistake again, Will, believe me."

A twinkle appears in Will's eyes as he reaches for his back pocket. "Wait, I have something for you," he said, pulling out his phone and opening the camera app. He scrolls through a collection of pictures; some he had taken himself and others that you had sent to him. "These are for you. Your lady wanted to make sure you knew they were doing all right."

As Frankie continues scrolling through the photo albums, he was greeted by a plethora of precious moments captured between you and Ella. Each image held its own story, showcasing the love and joy that radiated from your little family. In some pictures, you cradled Ella in your arms, your eyes filled with tenderness. Other photos focused solely on Ella, capturing her adorable expressions and mischievous nature. And then there were the silly selfies—the ones that always brought a smile to Frankie's face. They were the ones you both loved to take, capturing the candid, carefree moments of your lives.

There were morning snapshots, featuring tousled bedheads and tired smiles, Ella playfully blowing raspberries at the camera. Other pictures overflowed with warmth and sunshine, showcasing the adventures you embarked on during the summer. Ella in her tiny bathing suit, her chubby fingers clutching a plush cat toy. You and Ella wearing matching sundresses adorned with elephants, holding a basket full of produce from the farmer’s market. Frankie's heart swells as he sees an image of you delicately feeding Ella a small bite of ice cream.

Tears well up in Frankie's eyes—a mixture of longing and joy. Joy because he is so grateful to see you both thriving and creating beautiful memories. Sadness because he has missed out on these precious moments. As he continues scrolling, he stumbles on a video. With a quick double-tap, he initiates the playback, and your voice resonates from the phone's speakers.

"Come on, quickly, take out your camera..." your voice echoes, filled with excitement.

"Fish, wait a second, you should turn that off," Will's voice interjects, attempting to grab the phone.

But Frankie evades him, his body turning towards the lake, his back to Will. His heart yearns to hear your voice, to immerse himself in the presence of the family he deeply misses. The camera comes into focus, and there you are crouched next to the coffee table with Ella... Is she crawling?! Frankie's heart tightens as he watches his little Estrelita grow up right before his eyes, slowly making her way toward you.

And then he hears it, a voice echoing through the phone, "Go to her! I'll be your personal cameraman!!!" It's Benny's voice and Frankie's body tenses in response. The video continues, capturing your shouts of encouragement to Ella, and even Benny's voice cheering, "Let's go, Ella! Show them who's the best fucking baby in the world!"

Frankie catches your disapproving look at the camera, and Benny offering a sheepish apology. Sunshine. Benny called you sunshine. But it's just Benny being Benny, right? It has to be. Benny would never... he couldn't possibly… Do that. But deep down, Frankie can't help his mind from wandering into unsettling territory.

The video plays on, but Frankie's focus wavers. He can't seem to see anything else on the screen. And then, finally, Ella reaches you, and Frankie is jolted from his daze by your scream of excitement. Suddenly, a cold shock washes over him as he hears Benny's voice again, "Now, proud mama, you got anything to say to the camera?"

Your radiant smile is directed at Benny; Ella's happy satisfied face is all for Benny—it's all too much. He isn't there. But Benny is. Benny is there. Frankie can feel himself spiralling.

The phone is snatched from his hands, and Will sits down next to Frankie, gripping his shoulder firmly. "Benny was just there that day to fix the fan in the bathroom, it was all just circumstances, I promise you," Will reassures him. Frankie's voice trembles as he responds, "The fan was broken? And I wasn't there to fix it. But Benny was."

"No!" Will's voice booms with determination. "Don't go down that road, Fish. Understand? There's nothing going on between your lady and Benny. You've made incredible progress these past few months, and I'll be damned if you let yourself fall into another dark place. I wasn't there last time, but this time, I'm right here with you!"

Frankie's mind whispers, "Maybe it would be easier if I didn't come back. She has a new job, and Ella seems well. They'd probably be better off without me." He looks down at the ground, feeling his hands twist anxiously.

"Are you kidding me?!" Will exclaims. "Frankie, these girls love you more than anything in this world. If you leave, they'd be shattered. You're not thinking straight right now. Remember why you made that recording? So that Ella wouldn’t forget your voice. Fish, you knew you'd miss a lot of things by being here. But look, today you've been telling me how much progress you've made, how you're ready to open up and communicate better with your lady. With us. Well, let me introduce you to a new concept: trust. You need to trust that she would never do anything to hurt you. And you need to trust that Benny would never betray his own brother like that, okay?" Frankie takes a deep breath, absorbing Will's words.

“You are right. Of course, you are right. Sorry for freaking out like that.”

"It's all right. Are you really okay though?" Will's voice is filled with genuine concern.

Frankie's mind balks. Is he really… Okay? He doesn't have a definite answer. The old Frankie would have brushed it off, assuring Will that he was fine and that he didn’t care that Benny was seemingly playing house with you and Ella. Then he’d go snort a line in the bathroom to take the edge off.

"I don't know, Will. I don't know if I'll ever be all right." Frankie puts his head in his hands, feeling the weight of his emotions bearing down on him. Will places a reassuring hand on Frankie's upper back. "Then we'll take it one day at a time.”

One day at a time. Just 14 more days until he sees you and Ella again. Only 14 days until you decide if you want him back. Just 14 days until he must confront the consequences of his actions and the pain, he caused you over the past few years. Those 14 days stretch before him, both seemingly endless and surprisingly close. Is he truly ready? The honest answer is, he doesn't know.

Next chapter

[that-soccer-guru]

Week 1 World Cup Recap

Well hello everyone. Will this be proof that player interactions will get more notes than sports talk? We shall see!

Week one is over and we got a LOT of surprises, so without further ado here's the points table by group. (Yes, I made my own bracket tracker, let me live)((yes more opinions and notes no one asked for but I AM GONNA GIVE ANYWAYS BC WORLD CUP TIME IS MY TIME BABEEY))

Group A with a lil sprinkle of Week 2 for good measure. Norway absolutely showed some nerves at being in this world stage, and the Philippines is one of the few teams who I feel played better than the scoreboard reflects. There was a lot of beautiful tactical acumen in that game, and no spoilers for week 2 conversations but well... you can see the score there. Philippines is absolutely presenting us with a beautiful project and they do NOT want to be left behind. Group A is most definitely getting hairy out here.

Group B. No Sam Kerr for Australia didn't slow them down half as much as I think the pundits expected, and they managed a solid if not a little uninspired win over Ireland. There was a lot of physicality that allows ME to laugh in the face of that "the game was too physical" nonsense Ireland pulled with Colombia ahead of the cup. Canada very predictably is crumbling under their own weight--is it tactics (and their coaching), an aging squad, the quality of the other teams? Who's to say, but it shows. And Nigeria, I feel, only narrowly missed on a goal or two that would've made this score reflect the game a lot more.

Group C again with a spoiler for week 2 (by now the Spain and Canada games in week 2 have been played but I'm rewatching my recorded games bc I am an ADULT and cannot stay up/wake up early for these crazy schedules and be productive, so here we are). Spain had the good luck of getting to step into the cup with a relatively weaker team--they got the ideal game to settle into the fact that they're missing a lot of key pieces but they hit the ground RUNNING. It also showed that it might be time for Costa Rica to look for a different coaching strategy, and I say this as someone who's a BIG fan of Valverde. This team is leaving WAY too much space and playing all to the ball and not to the players looking for space and it showed in both the Spain game and the Week 2 Japan game.

I'll admit I didn't watch the Zambia game but I am not at all surprised that a squad full of speed and discipline kicked ass like they did. Rip Zambia there, do better damn it, I've seen the quality and grit in this team and I want to see it next week.

Group D. HOLY SPIRIT OF FUTBOL, BATMAN! That Haiti game was BEAUTIFUL. Of course England comes in with a lot of missing pieces into the cup, but Haiti capitalized on everything. Speed, decisiveness, dribbling, spaces, passes, it was beautiful. A dumb handball and a penalty really did them in. Sadly they're missing some decisiveness up-front, especially in that last kick at goal, but they showed they belong and they're here to stay.

China deserved better than what happened with that miracle goal. Denmark played a very weak game and China had every opportunity to win it, unfortunately this game is cruel and there's no such thing as "deserve", there is goal scoring, and that failed them. Excited for that China vs Haiti, and wishing a speedy recovery to Jennyfer Limage, ACL tears are brutal and getting to this stage and be taken out by such a bitch of an injury is painful for everyone involved.

Group E. I also didn't watch the US game, my apologies, but I won't be a hypocrite and say "well what happened with the team that won 13-0 last world cup?" because this is more a symptom that the gaps are closing between the superpowers of this game and the rest of the world, and I for one love to see it. (Yes, I choose to watch Oppenheimer over the game, no I am not sorry).

Portugal v Netherlands was a VERY physical game, and the Netherlands is showing cracks, especially in the midfield, but you can't argue with results and you definitely can't argue with the initiative in plays and the SPEED the midfielders kick off with to run at goal. That said, Portugal played with a lot of heart, but they're missing that final 3rd pass/game. Once they find it? They're gonna be amazing!

Group F. HOLY SPIRIT OF FOOTBALL PART 2, BATMAN! Jamaica man, what a fucking team! Starting from the beautiful kits and the spirit they played with, they absolutely nullified France. They were very patient, waited for France to get frantic and make mistakes, which they did, and absolutely went for this very VERY important tie. This absolutely keeps them in the running to make it out of group stages and, honestly, I wouldn't count them out. Heartbreaker double yellow but that's on poor team management, the bench needs to start learning to sub out cautioned players, but what else is new.

Brazil man, BRAZIL WITH EL JOGO BONITO. Dream world cup debut for Ary, roaring into the competition with a beautiful hatty. If they can stay healthy and show patience and willingness to stick with the strategy, they can go far. Exciting game up ahead in week 2!

Group G. What a fucking game that Sweden v South Africa game was! Honestly I thought South Africa had them for a moment. It became a matter of fatigue and the little mistakes that this can lead to in the end. Sweden needs to take this victory as a salve from the heavens and make some adjustments, and South Africa needs to shake this, because they absolutely have what it takes to make it out of this group.

I am not going to lie, I am heartbroken AND angry for/with Argentina. They played a good game from the midfield down, really good defensive lines, but what the FUCK happened in the final third? Banini was, as Andres Cantor likes to say "alone against the world", making amazing runs and having 0 support in the area for any crosses. If the midfield and the forward line don't start to play through her, as one Jamie Tartt taught us, this is gonna be a quick and painful ending for SUCH a talented and promising team. Get it together, this game could've been a win if there was better connection up ahead.

Group H. This one is, I think, the game that DEFINITELY isn't reflected by the final score. Morocco is really freaking good? Good through passes, very talented wingers, their defense, of course, needs a lot of work, especially in recognizing clear and present danger which the Germans absolutely exploited, but overall this ass kicking is not what I would've expected from the team I watched. Germany played their best edition of their game, let the other team hold the ball and batter themselves against your lines, exploit mistakes, use height and speed, and start knocking on heaven's door early and decisively. No notes. Alexandra Popp is the moment. The German team also have an ADORABLE crochet koala bear as their team mascot and I love it.

And now the moment I've been waiting for. Ehem. CAMPEON, COLOMBIA CAMPEON!!! Please tell me the English streams talked about Abadia serving a 2 game suspension because NOTHING says Colombia more than "the cup hasn't even started and your coach is already suspended" (he's was suspended following the Copa America final and this is the first time he can serve the games, but it's hysterical seeing him, sitting with the audience with his white board, angry as hell). Clearly they're shaking the nerves off, and Colombia gave South Korea a LOT of latitude. There were a lot of stupid mistakes (wtf was that ninja kick, miss Vanegas!?), they played a very physical game in the beginning (we will never win anything on fairplay and I've accepted this), but when it came time to put on the screws they delivered. What can I say about the Wunderkind too. Linda didn't even pick up her head for that senior world cup goal, she just knew it was right, and she was correct. They exploited South Korea's weaknesses and delivered results. Tighter lines and better discipline for the game against Germany and we might just make it very freaking far y'all!

This cup is giving us SO MUCH entertainment, incredible games, and a show of how quickly the world is advancing. Excited for week 2!

[guruan]

Triple Frontier

For some reason some of you reaaally wanted a commentary of this 😆

Sorry if I get too superficial, I got distracted 🙈🙈🙈

It was nice hearing so much spanish even from the start of the movie. From Santiago, it helped me imagining how would Jake sound 😆😆 Though I wonder if he's going to change his pitch for Jake. I tried to mentally compare the post credit scene with Santiago's pitch and I think it's slightly different.

(Here between the two Santiago's scenes, in Colombia and US, I said to my friend "He shaved... not that I'm paying attention to that"

To which my friend answered "I am" 🤣🤣🤣 and that "he looks better with stubble")

It was kinda sad how they presented their lifes, struggling so much to live after years serving. But it was funny seeing Pope trying to convince them all like "but we deserve this tho 👀"

(When they were back in Colombia Pope had a stubble again and I pointed it out to my friend 👁️ "it grows fast" he said)

I thought the movie was going to be a lot about the planning phase, so when they changed scene and were already there talking about the plan, only 30 min into the movie I was like "uuuuh, alright, something's going to go wrong".

When they didnt find the man nor the money I thought it was going to be about escaping, then trying again.

Then they found the money.

And the man.

So welp 😅😆, it's going to be about the money then, I thought.

At this point I was still calm, but from here everything started to stress and annoy me.

When Redfly got so excited about the money that he wanted to keep getting more of it, both my friend and I sent a message at the same time saying the same words: "Nooooo, greed!" (it was kinda funny😆)

Considering how much of a great mind for planning they considered him to be, he fell pretty hard. It wasnt just about the time to get it out, but how 😩 and I was so mad that they listened to him and decided to change the plan.

There's no point of grabbing a lot if there's only so much you can take with you 🤡

And yeah, through the movie we can see how that was just a terrible idea, and that anyway they need to get rid of bits and bits of it.

I don't understand the way Redfly goes through some kind of corruption? First not wanting to get involved, then only wanting to be there with the minimum, then wanting to participate but following his plan, then fuck his plan, then killing people but with a weird double shooting...

Like, it feels out of nowhere, I don't know, maybe it was justified but I got distracted by "someone's" cheeks 😔😒

As we expected, there's a lot of money and even before riding the helicopter Fish warns Redfly that it's going to be a problem to fly above the mountains with that much. But he listened to him? NOoooo

Them listening of what he says I don't know if it's blind trust because "he's so good at his job", or plain stupidity/greed

Then the crash, then again Redfly being weird about killing people, then getting out of the village with the mules.

Then they're found and Redfly dies. First I was sad, because I was thinking about his family and the scene with the daughter earlier in the movie. Then I was mad because it all was the consequences of his actions 😡😒 Both wanting to bring too much money, and then killing that people

So anyway, RIP. Now they have to drag his body too 😩

And they can't reach the boat with that much money anyway, so YEET money, and only bring as much as each one of them can pack. Godammit, all of this only to have even less of what they planned because they wanted to bring more than they planned 😩 And the man with of that brilliant idea is dead, ok

(Here one of my friends had to leave because it was late, he had already watched the movie and said "I just have to say: this is the 4th one, you'll see what I mean"

To which I was "You're joking☠️"- because we've been counting how often Oscar dies in everything we've watched. Fortunately he said he was actually joking, but I didn't like the joke 🤣 You don't play with my feelings like that)

So, the scared kid in the jungle finds them (and sorry, but I was 👁️👄👁️ at how Santiago was talking there. Can't explain). Then they get to the boat not before having a "meaningful" scene of how they didn't want to kill more people 😔👊

So then the end of the movie

Tbh I was really mad at it

Even with the few money they could bring with them, and what they spent washing it, they had 1 million each, even Redfly

When Will ripped the paper, I was confused for a second thinking what he was ripping was Redfly's agreement to send money to his family. So I was angry for a second, and then I was, oh ok.

But then everyone stared at each other and I was like "Pls don't" but they did

I was ok with Will donating his part to Redfly, his goldenheart and all

But the other ones felt like just plain moral and social pressure

And in restrospective, what is money compared with the life of a loved one. If only they had followed the plan. Now it doesn't feel like a difference if the family gets 1 million or 5 million.

I said to my friend, they ended the same way they started. But wait no, Santiago is even worse, because he spent 100K to start the mission 😩

Then Benny gave Santi the coords for later and I was EVEN ANGRIER

Like, if AT LEAST Santiago OR Benny kept their part, they would have had the money to try to find the rest later. AND THEN they could be all benevolent and give the family even more than 5 million, if they really felt that bad 😒 but no

Now they are all with no money and hoping "some day" the coords will be useful

Fck u aaaaaaaall

So yeah, anyway, this movie is very frustrating, and I dont think they really learned anything from it LOL

But excellent OI content, a lot of spanish and butt frames 👌

NEXT

[motocorsas]

I know you only want the MotoGP ones, but I think the F1 are also good, do, let's pretend they are MotoGP:favorite driver who retired in the last 10 years?, weirdest MotoGP ship you've read a fic about? would you rather visit australia with Jack, japan with Taka or South Africa with Brad (and Darryn)? (even if you are from one of these countries, pretend you've never seen them) who would win a fist fight:Jack or Jorge Lorenzo Favorite track ? is there a rider you wish had a home gp (Moto2/3/E included)? if you were in MotoGP rider what racing number would you have? which currently championship-less driver would gift a championship to? (just one and any category!!)(Dani doesn't count because he has 3 already) coolest looking bike livery (in general or one specific livery) if you were in motogp who would like as a teammate?

favorite rider who retired in the last 10 years: pound for pound, dani pedrosa. i love nicky hayden but he didn't have the same consistency

weird ship you've read a fic about: i am soooo picky about rpf and generally won't read a fic unless it's a ship i legitimately support/think makes sense... sorry rosquez fans

would you rather: go to japan with taka, 100%. i'd propose to him at tokyo tower and we'd go on a romantic honeymoon in hokkaido so he can teach me how to ski

who would win: jack, obviously. jorge is a limp-wristed fairy. he'd try to get theatrical with his moves and end up on his ass in seconds

rider you wish had a home gp: diogo moreira! i miss when motogp went to brazil. i'm a huge proponent of more races in the americas, we really need it. david alonso as well, viva colombia

what number would you have: because my sibling and i are twins, i'd have 51 and she'd have 52. those were the last two digits of our student ID numbers in grade school

what rider would you gift a championship to: i really hate to be that guy but aron canet should get more flowers in moto2. last week one of the commentators during qualifying talked about how canet is strong, there's just always one rider -- one rider! -- on track that's better than him. he's got shit luck and deserves a break

coolest livery: this year's aprilia is pretty slick. i also love boscoscuro but don't understand why they keep switching colors

ideal motogp teammate: my sibling obvs. they're the better rider anyway, i just pay more attention to stats and data. they're all feeling and i'm all head, i think we make a good pair. out of actual riders: fuck it, toprak razgatlioglu. we're putting him in motogp.

[mega-catmuncher]

None of Our Business

Chapter 01

Pairing: College!Matt Murdock x fem!reader

Summary: You are a winner. Always have been and always will be. In your final year at Colombia you're aiming to earn an internship from an esteemed law firm which will ensure the success of your career post law school. Someone however, is making life difficult and his name is Matt Murdock. For some reason he's always in your business, everywhere you turn he's there and while you never expected it maybe he's just what you need.

Word count:3.4k

Warnings: swearing, people acting absolutely unhinged and ‼️T/W Frat Bros‼️ (Future SMUT I promise 🤞🏻😮‍💨)

a/n: academic rivals mixed with work/office rivals. Matt and reader are somehow smart enough to be in law school but not smart enough to realise they like each other. Also ALOT of these background characters are OC’s and the only people mentioned from the daredevil series is Foggy(nelson) and Jack (Matts Dad)

(not gonna lie that summary was a lil corny 💀please forgive me 🙏🏻)

You’ve always been the best at what you do. You uphold yourself to a high standard and its gotten you all the way to your final year studying law at Columbia. It feels surreal at times wondering if you deserve this but you remember how hard you have worked and how proud you will be once you’ve become the best lawyer in New York.

Tonight you’ve got a shift at the local bar and restaurant Barry’s. You’re the star waitress and have earned some regulars who tip very well every time you’re on. Tonight though you are really considering quitting. It’s not only one of the busiest nights due to the Columbia Lions winning last nights football game and their victory party being hosted by Barry’s but you are also responsible for the new trainee who is truly testing your patience. “Foggy, you cannot stay at a table for over 30 minutes after giving them their food. Being overly friendly will not get you tips it will get you fired” you sigh in frustration and you can see he feels bad for upsetting you “sorry” he whispers. Before you can apologise he’s left to get the drinks for the next table. You feel bad but food service can have you dealing with the worst kinds of people and you don’t want Foggy to get discouraged from a little criticism.

You’ve just shown foggy how to lock up and its nearing half three in the morning. After an 8 hour shift with no breaks you are ready to drop. Pulling out of the parking lot you see Foggy at the bus stop. “You know the first bus doesn’t come until six thirty, you can’t wait here for three hours” you tell him from your car. “ Don’t worry about it! I’ll be alright, I’m just too tired to walk” you wouldn’t let Foggy stay there even if you believed him. “Do you live on campus?” you ask. “Yes, but please you really don’t have to driv-”Foggy doesn’t get to the end of his sentence before you’re unlocking your passengers side door and beckoning him into the car. “I know I was hard on you tonight but I promise I’m not an asshole …I’m sorry” judging from Foggy’s smile you think he’s accepted your apology. “ It’s okay..you know you’re not as scary as you look” foggy immediately regrets saying that as you give him a very unimpressed look. “I mean you never smile in lectures and you just always seemed very…cold..from a distance! But getting to know you better tonight you’re cool. I mean I only know so much since Matt does talk-” “it’s okay Foggy I understand what you’re trying to say”.

-

Waking up Monday morning you regret signing up for an oral presentation workshop. However, you’ve made matters worse by not putting on an alarm and expecting your roommate Lisa to wake you up. Late and rushing you find yourself in not your finest of moments running across campus in yesterday’s mascara and underwear.

In your flurry to get to the workshop you trip over something and find yourself on top of someone. “I am so sorry, are you alright?” you ask frantically. “I don’t think you trip over blind men often so it’s fine” that voice belongs to Matthew Murdock a man who has a talent for getting on your nerves. Why? Because like you Matt is smart but unlike you it comes naturally for him and he takes every chance to throw it in your face. Between having the last word in mock trials to countering your points in class just because he feels like it. “If I didn’t know any better I would think you tripped me on purpose Matt” “ Well you’re still on top of me so I don’t think there’s any hard feelings”. Your rush to get off Matt, help him up and collect your things. “What are you in such a rush for?” Matt asks “ Professor Loc's speech workshop, I’m so late it’s pointless”you say dreading the effect this is going to have on your attendance record. “Don’t worry it’s been cancelled, I was on my way there but I got the email before I walked in” Matt says. Looking through your bag and finding your phone you see the late notification that the class has in fact been cancelled. “Shit I wasted my morning for that” you’re about to turn away until you hear chanting. Very loud chanting.

“ What is going o-” Matt is interrupted by Kevin the star quarterback and frat senior letting out a loud battle roar and running across campus naked being cheered on by freshmen, senior frat members and several other people fascinated by the display. “If I were to tell you exactly what is going on you would regret asking” and in a split second you notice Kevin’s path has changed and he is now running for you and Matt. “Walk with me and don’t ask questions” you grab Matt and begin walking towards the parking lot. “I expect better of you than to rob a blind man y/n”. “I’m not robbing you I’m saving us from embarrassment, unless you want to be between me and a naked Kevin I suggest you keep walking”. Matt suddenly quickens his pace and unfortunately so does Kevin. In a quick span of events you evade Kevins line of sight and pull Matt into a random shed near the library. “Janitors store room, we’ll have to wait out here until the crowd and Kevin have passed” you tell Matt out of breath.

After waiting for 10 minutes Kevin and the group are still chanting near you and Matt. “You might as well test me for our next exam” Matt says. You're dissatisfied with the situation but seeing an opportunity to outsmart Matt Murdock you won’t pass up on. Flipping through your notes you hear Matt huff a laugh “You can’t test me without your notes?”. Although Matt is amused you are not “I need to make sure you don’t try and finesse your way into giving me a bullshit answer that’s only half right” “woah y/n didn’t know I could get you riled up so easily.. did seeing Kevin naked get you excited?” Frustrated with Matts teasing you decide you’ve had enough. “Actually it did.. I have to confess Matt I’m really excited right now” you say trying to sound convincing. “….really?” Matt says genuinely confused. “Yes..and oh I need help to release some of this tension” Matt is slightly bewildered but also intrigued. “Y/N I didn’t expect..” “Matty c’mere I wanna show you something” as Matt approaches you pull the leaf blower from the shelf and turn it on to his lips. Sucking half of his face into the leaf blower is funny for a few seconds until you release it and he seems genuinely mad. “Y/N what the hell!?” Matt yells. You giggle about to say something until you hear the crowd is no longer chanting near you and Matt. “I think we can go back now Matt”

-

There was something special about today. You didn’t know why but you had a feeling that today something was going to happen that would change the trajectory of your life forever. Minus the pigeon shit that just fell on your coat you expected good things to come your way today.

“ I bought you coffee!!” Your roommate Lisa pops out from the crowd surrounding the campus cafe. “I felt bad about the other morning, you know how forgetful I can be” Lisa says reminding you about the drama surrounding last Monday. In between then you’ve had some time off to prepare for your final year, you bought a whiteboard and you scheduled study sessions with Foggy whenever the both of you weren’t working. “It’s okay, it’s my fault I’ve got to really get my shit together. It’s my final year and I’m lagging because my brain knows I’m at the finish line” you’re a little disappointed in yourself for not being motivated but that’s going to change now that the fall semester has begun and you can officially put your plan in place to get back on track.

Dropping Lisa off at her class you go across the way to the building where your lecture is being held. You sit beside Chris who, although doesn’t seem to listen in lectures he still manages to get great marks and have good notes. In comparison to the mess on your paper at the end of lectures over the years you've benefited more from listening through and copying Chris’s notes after. “How have you been doing? You look good” you’re slightly taken aback by Chris’s compliment. Although he flirts a lot he never teases and often times you think about bitting the bullet and asking him out. That’s if you ever get the time to. “ I’ve been good working, studying and working some more” you laugh feeling a bit pathetic that this has probably been your answer through the whole of your law degree. “ There’s a reason why you're so smart, Besides I heard you’ve organised a study group and didn’t invite me.I’m hurt” he puts his hand over his heart acting wounded. If it were anyone else you would roll your eyes but when Chris’s voice cracks at the word hurt added with the sly grin he has on his face has got you silently begging to to be alone with him. “The group is open, if you want to come just let me know and we’ll make a time to meet up”. Feeling proud of yourself for finding a way to get Chris's contact. Ripping a piece of paper off his notebook he quickly writes something. “ Here’s my number text me and I’ll make sure I bring my notes just for you”. You feel yourself about to sport an embarrassingly big smile until you hear a stick tapping near the doors.

“Murdock! There’s a seat here” you whip your head to Chris and see he’s pointing to the seat next to you. This is not what you had in mind when you thought of your positive mantra of today being a good day. Matt greets Chris and they reach across you to hug. If you were being honest being crushed between Chris and Matt wasn’t that bad, you were blissfully daydreaming away until you felt someone flick your ear. “After sucking my face off you could at the very least talk to me” Matt says grinning mischeviously. Chris is taken aback at the insinuation that you and Matthew Murdock are somehow involved and you are seething that out of all times he decides to start with you in front of Chris. Before you have time to clear any confusion your professor begins the class.

By the end your eyes are drooping from exhaustion and you feel close to calling a cab to get back to your apartment to avoid walking 20 minutes. "Hey sleeping beauty, class is dismissed" Chris tries to nudge you awake. Suddenly becoming alert you give him a tired smile and gather your things. "Do you want to take my notes home?, I won't need them back anytime soon" Chris says. Before you can respond Matt interrupts the seemingly tender moment. " I see my dig about notes the other day hasn't motivated you to aim higher". You are so close to chocking Matt the only thing stopping you is the scandal of assaulting a blind man in public. Ignoring Matt you thank Chris and take his notes with you. On your way out of class you can see a crowd forming around the bulletin board. "They're only offering two places!" "Highest score on the next exam?!". You're near the board to find out what all the commotion is about when you see plastered on the board the opportunity you've been waiting for.

The internship to Cheraus & Pels one of the best law firms in all of New York. You can feel the sweat on the palm of your hand reading over the details then, you feel a presence near. "Too bad they're offering two spots. There's no challenge now". You wish you could formulate a good response but all you can do is focus on the letters on the paper in front of you. "Are you okay? you seem like you're coming down with the flu" Matt goes to put his hand to your forehead but before he can you swat his arm away. "Matt, I have never been more serious about something in my life and the fact that you're treating this like any other thing is absurd to me" you feel bad afterwards for being difficult with Matt in front of everyone but the stress of how real everything is starting feel is getting to you. "Despite how nonchalant I can be, I have sacrificed a lot to even be in this building. Yes y/n, I am taking this very seriously but if I stressed myself out as much as you do I 'd be ill before I even put pen to paper". After hearing what he had just said you came to the sad conclusion that Matt Murdock was right.

-

Over the next few weeks you had been seeing less of Lisa and Chris and even Matt. You've closed yourself off from the world and against Matts advice you were stressing yourself out. Going only between classes and your apartment to take breaks from preparing for the upcoming exam to eat and sleep. You even gave Barry notice that you would be taking the month off just so that work wouldn't get in the way of studying. What you didn't know was how worried everyone was. Lisa called your mom who then spent an hour on the phone threatening you with a visit. Chris had texted you a few times but you didn't want to distract yourself. Foggy even told Matt about you taking the month off. Which became the last straw. At 9:30pm on a Friday night you heard a knock at the apartment door, you expected that Lisa would get it since she knew you were busy. After a while you realised Lisa wasn't home and whoever it was, was still waiting. Looking through the peephole you get a wave of aggravation seeing Matt at your doorstep.

"I am so busy right now Matt its not even funny" you say opening the door. Matt looks very unamused and goes as far as to walk right past you and let himself in. "y/n this is an intervention, I understand you want that internship as bad as anyone. Trust me I've been doing overtime in the library. That doesn't justify you working yourself so hard".You're about to lose your shit. How dare Matt come into your home uninvited and tell you how you should be living. You're about to yell at him when you realise you're so tired you don't even have the energy. Matt knows something isn't right when he hears a thud and he knows something is definitely not right when you haven't said anything. Checking that you're still breathing Matt carries your fast asleep self to your bed and lays beside you. He doesn't know why but he stays the night. He tells himself its because Lisa isn't home and he doesn't want to leave you in the apartment alone overnight but deep down Matt cares about you and wants to make sure you're alright.

Over the years Matt has grown a sort of affection for you. He's not in love. He just cares, you both work hard but he admires your drive and passion. Because for him, you challenge him to do better and that means a lot. In your first year Matt was having trouble accessing braille translations of archived case documents and while you weren't happy about it you took the time to read out those case documents for him. Once, Matt had come down with mono he missed a week of classes. He didn't want to ask for your help but he didn't have to. You told him to meet you at the library where you proceeded to catch him up on everything he had missed. These moments compiled with all those other times you've helped Matt out over the years makes him want to be the one to help you out this time. At least he though he was helping. He's not so sure now that you've woken up in the afternoon and realised you've missed six and a half hours of study time. "I don't know who you think you are to waltz into my house and control my life. What the fuck was the intervention for?! an addiction to studying. I have never heard something so stupid in my life". Any other time Matt would give you some cool response to one up your little tantrum but right now among all the yelling your eyes are red and he can hear your stomach grumbling. "If I took you for some lunch would you stop yelling at me. Would you stop talking altogether actually?" . You're contemplating committing homicide in this very moment but through the exhaustion, anger and hunger you can see Matt is concerned and while you don't owe him anything you definitely don't think it's fair to let him worry about you. You've also just come to the realisation it wasn't fair to let everyone else in your life worry. "Sorry, let me get dressed and then we can go" Shocked Matt doesn't mention your change in demeanour and lets you direct him to the couch to wait. While you have the time to yourself you send off some quick texts to Lisa, your mom and Chris letting them all know you're alright and there's no need to worry.

-

Lunch with Matt wasn't as bad as you'd thought it would be and spending time with Matt outside of school proved to be surprisingly beneficial to your mental wellbeing. You had been taking a walk in the park chuckling at some stupid law pun Matt had made when you snapped back to reality. The date of your exam was in three days and you felt so underprepared. Noticing your sudden silence Matt nudges your shoulder. "I didn't think my comedy would kill the mood, If you didn't like that one I've got a whole notes app filled with them" Matt says. "Its not that, I'm just thinking about the exam. After tomorrow we've only got a couple more days". You remove your arm from Matts and go to sit at the bench to clear your mind and figure out what your going to do about everything. "y/n I don't want you to get upset with me but Im going to make you an offer that hopefully you can't refuse" Matt goes on to ask you something you would have surely lost your balance from the shock if your weren't already sitting down. "You can stay at my place until the exam is over. You seemed to have slept better with me at the house and as much as you would hate to admit it we work really well together. My best grades are from when I study with you. "

You feel your resolve melting and as much as you want to keep your regular bitch attitude with Matt he's doing something really nice. Most of all he doesn't need to do any of this. He didn't need to spend the night or come to the apartment to check up on you, he didn't need to get you lunch or take a walk around the park with you and most of all Matt didn't need to worry, but he did. Or does... you don't know but what you do know is Matt is right. In a way things have always worked better when you've done them with Matt. Group projects, study sessions and even those dreaded mock trials. If you were any less oblivious you would realise Matt challenges you in a way you like. In a way that drives you to be better and in times like this it means everything. " I can't believe I'm saying yes but I will move in with you for three nights and four days" you don't know why but you're smiling. "Its settled then, let's shake on it roomie" "shut the fuck up".

[moonlesslights]

Only love can hurt like this (Amado Carrillo x Reader)

Summary: Carrillo drags you to an unprevisted mission where the decision of which side you are on is finally in your hands. 

(Reader is an agent of the DEA, and we are ubicated in Mexico for this).

Warnings: Love triangle (AmadoxReaderxHoracio), some mentions of sex, angst, fluff.

...

“There is nothing here” You whisper, not knowing if you are trying to convice Horacio or yourself. 

In front of you, the house you have walked in so many times takes form between shadows of the rising sunset. You have memories in every corner of every room, laughs echoing in your ears, words you still carry next to your heart. 

“He is. And he is not going anywhere” He scoffs back, making his way two steps ahead of you. 

Your eyes wander to the windows surrounding the lounge you were into right know, watching from the second floor the silhouettes of the men Coronel Carillo trusted the most and their cars parked among the beautiful gardens of the house. You clench your jaw trying so hard to stop the frowning taking place on your features; but you just can’t fight it for too long. This isn’t your home, you wanted to say, leave us alone. 

“It is still hot” Your head turns to Horacio again, following his voice. The man kicks down some logs off the fireplace only to reaveal incandescent ashes that are fired through the room. “He is here.”

You feel your stomach sinking, hurting. No. He can’t be here. He knew it was too dangerous, he knew it wasn’t safe to be in this city while Carrillo was looking for him... But he also knew you were here. “You really think he is going to leave you here?” You could hear your brother repeating those words to you. Felix’s face pointing to Amado playing with his kids and María at the table. “Traes a ese bato de los huevos”

Maybe you should have insisted more, maybe you should have screamed at him until he took all of his damn black shirts and got his ass up on a plane to the center of the jungle. But no, you got lost trying to eliminate all of the evidence of him and the Arellano brothers, trying so hard to lead Horacio away from them that you ended up missing the moment you failed... And the Coronel found his own way to Amado. El cabrón that never left. 

“Where is your gun?”

“Uh?” 

Carrillo raises an eyebrow and your gaze drops to your hands, empty. Weight on you hip is the only thing that warns you about your gun still on its rest position. Of course, you walked in this house without even feeling the impulse of taking it out of there, like you would even use it. 

“I’m sorry” You answer vaguely, not being able to look into his eyes. 

“We have little time before someone alerts we are here, I need you with me.” The words hit you like a train. You frown. 

“You need me?” You think, wanting to spit in his face. “Now you need me?”. Your hands still clench in fury to remember his voice telling you then, in Colombia, that you just couldn’t be in his team anymore, not only breaking up with you in that very moment, almost in front of Javier and Steve; but also telling how distracting you were for him, how the relationship was only messing up everything. Yes, you still remember screaming in frustration when he prevented you to go on the mission Pablo was shot to dead, watching your work melting into nothing when your name just disappeared between the agents that helped to catch him. 

The voice of Felix at the other side of the line, telling you that it was better for you to be out of sight, that he knew everything you did, that you accomplished your own mission and your Cali’ friends will be very happy with the news, it wasn’t enough.

You did hate Pablo Escobar. He was a murderer, a guy that didn’t deserve anything in life, and when you and Javi spent years together, risking everything only to bring justice, crying at night when it was all too much, seeing the sun rise in front of the office after you two stayed the whole night just in need a god damn track; well, you got hopeful it would be you three who’ll catch him. And hope it is always a double sided coin.

So when Horacio took the lead and in the blink of an eye, you fell in love with the same man that would break your heart twice, things started to get out of hand. Thinking it would be on your favor knowing him, getting involve, so you could always be part of the investigation, to know the next move and alert Pacho and the others of being necessary, you grow close to him. And it was okay, it was working, yes; until Carrillo kissed you and your world fell apart.

You loved him. There is nothing to argue about it. But you also learned to hate him. So much. Because when you finally thought it was all behind, that he wouldn’t bring any more grief to your life, he followed you home, in Mexico. And now he wasn’t chasing Pablo, now he wasn’t asking you to catch a terroris t. Now he was chasing your brother, now he was asking you to catch your lover. And it would be a total lie to say that that fact didn’t complete piss you off.

“We should split up.” You suggest, looking at him. “It would be easy to find him”

He chuckles, gazing at you from the corner of his eye.

“And would you tell me you found him?” He asks.

“What?”

“Would you tell me you found him?” He repeats, walking a few steps on your direction.

“Yes. What the hell are you talking about?” You speak back.

He then remains quiet, looking at you with an indescifrable expression. Your heart is racing in your chest, thinking about all the possibilities of the mean of his words. He hardens his features, pursing his lips before he states:

“I don’t trust you”.

You have to fight the smile threatening to climb onto your face.

“I don’t trust you either.” He nods, lowering his eyes for imperceptible seconds.

“We are not splitting up. I’m going to put a bullet in his skull when I find him.” Carrillo mutters, sarcastic.

You have known him for so long and you still don’t get used to how easy he takes being in life or death situations. Because you are not, because you want to throw up at the security in his statement.

“I don’t think there’s a need for that.” Good God.

Your breath gets stuck in your lungs. So hard it makes your chest hurt as you feel the color draining from your face.

Even when Horacio turns to the stairs at your back and raises his gun ready to pull the trigger, it takes you a good few seconds just to collect the right amount of courage to look back.

You know it is going to be him there, you knew his voice, you knew the feeling of his presence in the back of your neck. Amado, Amado, Amado…

The thing is: Nothing of it matters, because the moment you see his eyes narrowing at you in the growing darkness, you still feel a bullet hitting your throat in the most cruel and painful way.

“Get down!” It is the scream right beside your ear that makes you look away, wake up again to this reality.

“I’m unarmed.” Amado assures, maintaining his hands up and open.

“Don’t fucking move.” Carrillo warns anyways, taking careful steps in his direction.

You look at him, incapable of doing shit. Your brain working as fast as it can, looking for options, for answers and an scape plan for fucking Tontín.

“I’m here. This doesn’t have to take any more lives.” Amado keeps his voice low, certain. “It’s me who you want.”

“I don’t think I can agree with that.” The Coronel tilts his head, raising the gun up to Amado’s head. “Some of your men may be more open to talk than you.”

Amado keeps and indifferent expression but you can see his features darkening.

“The men here haven’t killed or done anything, some of them are kids. Let them go and I’ll talk.”

You look at him and his eyes are directed to you for only a millisecond, and your heart crushes in your chest. Ah.

He wasn’t just trying to protect his men, he was trying to protect you. Of course he knew his men were loyal, but Carrillo was here, and the man was only good for one thing: torture. And not even all the money in the world was going to keep everyone with the mouth close. Your name was going to fall, one way or another. And it would be all over.

But I won’t, he wanted to tell you, you are safe with me, because I won’t tell how many times I have loved you behind these walls. Observing your silhouette from his position, he can feel you. Closing his eyes, he can still see you there.

Amado’s eyes go to look to the windows, the sound of careful steps and indistinct chatters just confirm his thoughts. There were too few men around the house for this to be an authorized operation. Carrillo was too smart to let this pass once he knew he was here, obviously not wanting to ask for an order and risk his intentions to be known by Amado.

“I don’t think you don’t know how this is going to work, malparido.” The Coronel smirks.

“Believe me, let them go and most of them will keep their mouth shut when others like me come looking for you.” Amado tilts his head “Te va a comprar tiempo, pues.”

“What are you playing to?” Horacio asks, more to himself this time.

Amado gulps, pursing his lips. With a gun pointed to his head, pointed by no one else than the Coronel Horacio Carrillo, he expected cold sweat on his temple, fingers tingling or racing heart bumping in his chest… But nothing was happening. Rhythmically, the muscle beats one, two, three times and it doesn’t seem to flinch at the thought: This is it.

The reason was, probably, too well know by his own mind that didn’t bother him anymore. It never did, it just came for him one day, looking at you sleeping on the passenger seat, snoring softly, when his chest got warm at the realization: You were totally asleep, unconscious and indifferent of his actions at the wheel. You trusted him that, you fell asleep knowing you will be okay with him there. It was that day he continued his way making everything on his power to make himself sure that you didn’t make a mistake. Not with him. That choosing him was the right decision.

“La suerte se acaba, sooner or later, Coronel.” He comforts, drawing his eyebrows together. “And let’s be honest, this was a good strike, but it wasn’t the cleanest one, verdad?”

Horacio wasn’t a man know for fearing of the system nor his superiors, but this was Mexico, and things were so different here. If Amado gets to the police, he’s not putting a single foot in jail, in less than an hour he would be out in the street again, that’s exactly why he decided to make of this operation his call: He’s not taking Amado to the justice, he’s only going to a damp basement where he will be interrogated in a much more effective way. And even though he’s eager for answers, the process isn’t safe, the operation was risky and his name will figure as the top enemy again.

Mistakes were and will be done. And he can’t get killed for it, not yet.

“We’ll see what can we do for your men. No more than little rats between all this, right?” Carrillo mocks, now, inspecting Amado’s position, who nods at his words.

What are you doing?, What were you thinking?, you want to ask, scream, at him. How was he so confortable with that idea right now?, all while you plead for some kind of miracle, to wake up, to make everyone forget, to just fucking get shot just so he can take the distraction and run from Horacio.

But nothing happens, and your options start to disappear with the same facility they came in.

Then, Carrillo looks at you, frowning. His free hand moves and gives you a sign to get close.

“Give me the handcuffs.” He orders, pointing to the metal piece on your hip.

Your hand tries to reach for the safety at least two times before you get it right. Yes, it is until that moment that you realize how bad your trembling is. Horacio was going to notice and you just were so fucking scared.

You never thought this day would come, maybe, that you would’ve been here, seeing how Amado Carrillo Fuentes gets handcuffed by one of the most feared men in the Narco’s world. That you would see his fall. You just never thought today, in the morning, while drinking your coffee and staring at his photo on one of the blackboards, that ten hours later you would be seeing him in person again, like this.

The thing is, when you came back to Mexico and began to know and catch up on what your brother had been building here, you weren’t really looking for someone. Specially not after what happened with Horacio. But you did know Amado, you always did: He talked with Pacho a lot while you were undercover in Colombia. You and the Cali guys tended to laugh at how oblivious Amado was that the girl sitting with them at the business table was no less than Miguel Ángel’ sister.

So obviously, when you came back and Amado was told everything, he was pissed. He ranted about how little trust was put on him and how all of the plazas would be hearing about the audacity… Until they didn’t.

He did, in fact, not speak to Felix for about two weeks until he began to listen and understand motives, but mostly because he visited you a lot and you were living in Miguel’s house, so he had to see his stupid face all the time. And also, you could add, Felix was clueless Amado was mad at him, so he talked to him like nothing was happening while your favorite guy in black held himself from throwing hands. 

So he stayed. You both got to know each other more, talking for hours about everything you could think of: your childhood, your friends, the business, y’know, even gossiping about all of the plazas. You could listen to him every day, ranting about the problems with the planes, with the routes, with an asshole that let himself catch, anything; oh, but you never get to listen when he talked with Mayo and Felix about how smart you were, how beautiful you looked wishing for the printer to die or how your voice was so calming to hear. You never saw how he looked at you, how he started to fall in love with your kindness and curiosity for everything, for your adoration to the smallest things in life.

You were so different from anything he had seen before. So clumsy that he wondered how the hell you were still alive. So determined he would choose you to lead all the god damn plazas if you wanted. You trusted to much that he was scared someone would hurt you. You were so cunning he trusted in every choice you made, following you blindfolded.

So, this time, he didn’t doubt to nod at you when the handcuffs were hanging from your fingers, Carrillo already outstretching towards them. “Está bien” he motions, “está bien”… Except, it wasn’t.

The metal slips off your skin, colliding against the wooden floor at your feet in two hits that freeze these very seconds. Horacio’s eyes follow the artefact on its way down, slowly starting to frown at the action while you gaze at Amado, trapped in his dark pupils. One hit. “No” He motions again, facing the defeat. “When did I ever listen to you?, when did you ever listen?” You wish to ask. Two hits.

In just what for you now it’s a reflect, your hand reaches for the grip of your gun, taking it out when Amado’s firm voice shouts a short and demanding “No!” at you. 

Carrillo’s expression changes with violence, glancing at the Narco’ Lord an instant before the cold canyon holded in your hands its pointed to his very temple. A click accompanying the movement of your thumb gives him the one clear sign. 

Carrillo raises his eyebrows, letting his lips part for a desperate gulp of air. His eyes focus slowly on you and his loaded hand wavers in its position. The surprise that seizes his expression allows you to see that side of him, so vulnerable, that for so long you wished to be able to touch, even if it was for a few mere seconds.

“What are you doing?” His voice is purely a whisper above the wind. You open your mouth, believing you could just explain, that you could make up a valid excuse to betray everything and everyone you ever fought for. But you can’t make a single noise and Horacio disbelief starts to hit on his gut “Are you fucking kidding me!?”

You flinch a step back as an instinct, but your finger keeps a safe pressure on the trigger. You wish you could look at Amado but the fear of any movements Carrillo could make during just a second of your distraction keeps your eyes glued to his face. A betrayed face. 

How dare he look so hurt?, with his brows drawn together and his lips parted. You can swear if you listened closely, his racing heartbeat would echo off the walls. And the vision is killing you, because three years ago you would have sworn that you would share your entire life with this man; because two years ago you shared the same expression that his face bears now. And it was killing you.

Amado tries to move, stomping towards you calmly, the floorboards creaking under his weight. Horacio reaffirms the gun in his hand, turning to see him threateningly, rectifying in an expression that he would not hesitate to pull the trigger right there if Amado gave him a sufficient excuse to do so.

"Coronel, is everything okay, sir?" Footsteps approaching at alarming speed from the ground floor crown the damn situation. "Coronel, shall we proceed with immediate support?"

Your face pales at the threat of the intruder about to enter the room. Horacio's eyes remain looking at you, he doesn't flinch for a second and it's because he knows, because he must know that as soon as that soldier puts both feet on the last step, the situation will turn 180 degrees. He will have the upper hand again and it would be game over for you and Amado.

But Carrillo's head was far from starting to think about the only option in which you could. The voice coming up the stairs is distant but it awakens his senses quickly, senses that seemed numbed to the one now holding a gun to his head. What are you doing, what are you doing, what are you doing...?

The second step in line creaked under the weight of a soldier, but the voices below told him that more than one were following him. His eyes dart at the shadows that kept asking for an answer to his name; just for a second, before returning to the front and losing the air when colliding, stopping against your wet lashes and suffocating irises that seemed to want to drink him whole.

Remember. He remembers. Everything. The sunny morning of the first day he saw you, scolding Javier Peña for not having ordered the documents the office needed while Agent Murphy held his stomach, laughing at the top of his lungs. He remembers the way your eyes found his... The way you smiled. Without warning, without a reason: You saw him and you smiled. Welcoming him so simply, so informally, it seemed like he was approaching an old group of friends rather than the officers tasked with telling him where to shoot.

He shook your hand and listened to every word that left your lips, amazed at the ease with which you handled any topic in the investigation, laying out information on each of the targets and expanding all the cards on the table before he could even think of one.

You were so different from anything he had ever seen before. A little light of hope among the horror that was lived. A pause for the restlessness of his nights, when you two spent hours locked in a car praying that the targets would just decide to leave their home at any given moment. Moons passed for the first time you made him laugh, other suns more when he decided to tell you the only joke he seemed to know, only in an attempt to be the cause of that thunderous laugh that characterized you. That was also the first day you hugged him goodbye, just like you did with Murphy and Peña, just like he hadn't hugged anyone in a long time. And you smiled, again, all the time; making him search for you like a fucking teenager.

And then he saw you crying, for the first time, and realized that he cared about you, that it hurt him, and that helplessness bothered him. And then he kissed you, for the first time, and realized that he had fallen in love with you, that between sheets and long nights, the only thing he wanted to see there before closing his eyes were you. And so, when you ventured into an ambush with the DEA and one of the hitmen managed to put two bullets in your body, things became clear right in front of him. The way he yelled at Javier for having carried out such a mission without his knowledge, for having put your life in danger in that way... Everything coincided with his heart wanting to escape from his own chest. Because when he saw you, asleep, breathing heavily, his soul was crushed; and when your eyelids fluttered limply at him, and your eyes shone at the sight of him, his legs went weak. And he realized that he loved you, with every little bit of his entire strength, he loved you.

So it wasn't fair, he knew, it wasn't fair for him to cut you off from the investigation and his team in a vile attempt to protect you, to keep safe the one thing that kept him fighting. It was selfish and ruin, but it was the only thing that would keep you alive. And with the list of attacks on those involved in Pablo's arrest growing daily, his mind was made up. You were out.

And what better than closing with a flourish and ending the relationship once and for all? You would never be able to forgive him, in any way, and he would become the main target for many in a short time. One thing is offset by the other and you, safe. He was determined, he was sure that in the end, all this would keep you out. But my God, with you nothing could ever be so easy.

After Javier was removed from the investigation, you were sure that they were not going to do the same to you. Out of loyalty to your brother and for screwing Horacio up even more in a game where he thought he was the only shooter... You weren't going to leave Colombia.

And he should have expected it, but he didn't. And he hated you for every time you called a superior to preserve a position, whatever it was, within the team. And he adored you even more for the way you stood up to him, the way you dusted yourself off and told him to go to hell.

So that was the problem, wasn't it? He adored every little bit of you, admired you, loved you. He loved your determination, your freedom, and who was he then to change you? If it was him alone who got stuck in time, loving on as cold as christmas eve, who was he to force you?... The problem then is no longer the DEA, it is no longer Pablo or the hit men, it is no longer pride or selfishness; The problem is that he kept loving you while you held a gun to his head.

And there was nothing he wanted to do to change it.

"Stop!" He exclaims suddenly, causing Amado and you to jump in your place. "Everything is well here, soldier, return to your position."

Silence fills the next few seconds, quickening the hearts of everyone present there.

"Are you sure, Coronel?"

"Agent Y/L/N here accidentally hit me hard, but I don't see why I have to be explaining myself just so my orders can be carried out, soldier."

That was it, that tone. The great Coronel Carrillo and his unquestionable presence. Ask one more question and you'll have your bags already packed outside your room. No one was against him, no one except, maybe... you.

"Yes, Coronel. Immediately." One of the uniformed men downstairs answers.

Each step that seems to sound further and further away becomes a soothing rhythm for your heart. However, your head continues to throb and cold sweat trickles down your temples little by little.

What now? You want to ask, what are we going to do?... What are you going to do?

But it is neither Horacio nor you who decide to speak first, but Amado. The only idiot without any weapon is the one who decides to take the lead in the game, taking it in directions that you wish would never have been an option.

"Ey, ya estuvo, ¿no?" The dark-haired man's voice joins in a whisper to his hands lowering to a more comfortable position. "You know what's going on here, right? It's over now."

"Amado..." The desperation in your voice goes unnoticed by Horacio, but your call makes the pilot's muscles tense. Still, his gaze remains directed at the other man.

"Si la agarran, la matan, cabrón." Amado snaps, frowning. His hand reaches out the window, pointing at the little of the Coronel's men he could see in the darkness. "Or what? Do you think that if one of my people gets her name out, they'll be very happy? They won't even let her get to jail, le van a meter un tiro un pendejo día y ya.”

Carrillo clenches his jaw, refusing to respond to Amado's threat, refusing to agree with him as much as this mattered to him. But the pilot had had enough, and if the feds or anyone else even thought to show up, everything would go to hell. He didn't have time to play this fucking game.

"This is over now." He repeats, looking to hit the target. "Tell them to release my men and you have me..." The Coronel's gaze travels from your position to Amado's, slowly, almost listening to the running of the blood through the arteries. The pilot gulps. "I'm going to give them everything they want... Names, locations, todo el pinche paquete, pues..."

“No.”

“¿Qué?”

“No.” Carrillo states again. His eyes are fire and his hand is so tense that you fear the movements of the digit on the trigger.

Horacio then bends his knees and stretches to take the handcuffs that were still resting a few centimeters from your feet. The sound of metal clashes between the pieces of the artifact echo in your ears, a chill becoming present with each one of them.

“I don’t give a damn about the names and the fucking rats that work with you, i’m sure they’re going to be very happy about the trash taking itself out of the competence…” He looks at you for a brief moment before putting his own gun to his belt again and getting closer to Amado, only the right amount of steps to take his hands and getting the handcuffs around his wrists. “But you’re not going to a fucking interrogatory, you’re not going with the americans. I know your type: you will say anything to get yourself out, information of false importance that would make us look in the other way.”

“I know I’m not getting out.” Amado corrects, closing his eyes for a second and then looking at the Coronel.

And that hits you. The calmness in Amado's voice makes you bite your lower lip only to not release a sharp cry when the meaning of his words clings onto your chest. But you can help the anxiety that runs through your entire system, weakening you; your brain stuck with the only thought the kind eyes of Amado can cause you: I’m going to lose you. I’m going to lose you.

I can’t lose you. 

The metallic pieces emit a soft "click" when they finish adjusting to the pilot's skin. The shock of that very fact draws your attention to your own hand and the trigger under your finger. And the world froze: Were you going to pull it? When? Now?... Were you going to kill Horacio?

And then, he found you, just like he did years ago, just like he did every time you needed. He stood there, ready to catch you, now and again. Amado’s eyes were looking in your direction, full and dark lashes on a tired gaze, bringing you back to him, only to him and his small glimpse of a smile on his face. This is it, you feel in your chest, this connection. This love that consumes every part of me when I’m with you. The moon makes a beautiful reflection on his eyes, parting in a thousand stars that dance on the blackness of his pupils. He wants to talk to you, to kiss you, but his eyes are telling everything, you can hear his voice running through your veins: Eres el regalito más hermoso que Dios me pudo haber enviado.

You remember, everything. The way you both fell in love with each other before even touching, the way he made you feel like home every time you were with him. And he learned to love you in so many different ways: by your intelligence, always supporting you, marveling himself by how smart you were; by your personality, always so happy, so lovely, so, so much you; by your body, loving every morning that you came downstairs with a beautiful summer dress, or maybe just his t-shirt and panties, or your work clothes, he was just so glad you were the first thing he saw when he wakes up.

And you can’t deny how much love you have for him. Because, spending entire nights watching movies, making love, sleeping so close you lose consciousness of where your body ended and his started, laughing. Days riding horses on some of your dates, when he took you to watch the sunrise en la sierra, kneeling before you, nervous as you had never seen him, but with a smile so bright that could overshadow the sun itself: “I know we can’t get married, not now, I know that we can’t wear rings as a couple should, but now, I’m just asking you that you let me wear this necklace on me…” He showed it to you, a beautiful golden necklace with a cross with two little rings crossed over its center. Your eyes were watery. “To let me have it next to my heart because I’m tired of not having something on me to prove that your with me all the time. I’m asking you to marry me, without papers, without anything, just us and God be witness, to let me have you as my wife for the rest of my life…”

‘Yes’ wasn’t enough, it will never be. And when he told you you didn’t need to wear a necklace if you didn’t want to, you knew you could cry, telling him: “But I do want one…”.

You were wearing it right now, under your shirt, cold against your skin, and burning still. And you love it so much, you loved him so much… So much that you would think it hurts, but it doesn’t. That’s the thing with the right one, isn’t it?, he gives you so much calm, so much safety, he loves you and lets you love him, making a daily lunch before going to work, the greatest gift of all.

And you can’t lose it.

But when you look at him again, feeling the salty tears burning on your lips, he asks you for it: Déjame hacer esto. Let me keep you safe.

“Good. Then I don’t have to worry you don’t know where are you going.” Horacio spills, looking directly to Amado’s face.

You came too late into my life, and you are leaving me too soon, you wanted to plead.

Amado wants to reassure you, smile at you and let you know that he knows. “Horacio Carrillo is going to kill me, I know, and he’s going to enjoy every second of it, but I promise I would hold on to your memory ‘till my last breath, so this love will be the last thing I can feel.”

“Let’s get you out of here, shall we?” The coronel murmurs, stepping back. “Your stupidity will get you on the river later.”

And that’s it for you.

You frown, Amado opens his mouth, but your mind was made up. The gun spins on your hand and with a movement so sudden and dry, the thud awakens your senses to the moment the body of Coronel Carrillo drops to the floor. Now, that was a little bit louder.

“What the hell are you doing?” Amado snaps, raising his brows at you.

“I could ask you the same damn thing.” You purse your lips, looking at the floor. “He will be fine, it was just a hit.”

Amado starts shaking his head, frowning with a growing concern. His hands try to reach you but the handcuffs force him to reconsider that choice.

“You need to let me do this, or you will loose all of this” He whispers, desperation filling his voice.

“I can’t let you go with Horacio.” You shake your head, slow. “I can’t.”

“This is the only way…” He hurries.

“No.” You frown.

Your eyes wander to the windows, then to the house you’re in: watching the memories in the pictures on the walls, the soft couches, the furniture full of ornaments, the easiness of breathing there…

“Amor…”

“It can’t be that bad, right?” Amado looks at you, tilting his head. “Living together, I mean. We can try to stand each other for some years.”

The pilot starts shaking his head, slow. Like thinking he didn’t listen right. 

“You love your job.” He whispers, looking at you, trying to understand what you’re thinking. 

“But I love my family even more.” 

...

“Get out the way!, The Coronel is hurt, please take him to the hospital!” Your screams gets everyone moving. 

“Where do you want us to take a este cabrón?” A soldier asks, pointing with his head at  Amado, handcuffed in front of you.

“I’ll take him. I need all of you clearing this site and releasing every worker.”

“But...”

“Orders of the Coronel.” You rush. “C’mon soldier.”

“Yes, agent. Do you need someone that help you with him?”

“No. I can do it. We need the maximum discretion.” He nods, still quite unsure of your decision. 

You and Amado get into the car you arrived in with Horacio. He can’t help a smile crossing his face once you’re in. Running away with your lover... That’s something you still didn’t tought you were going to do sometime. 

And hell, doesn’t it feels right?

...

The Coronel didn’t take that long to wake up. A horrific headache and a loose prisioner are the only things he registers before the soldiers already asking questions. 

He sits up, taking his face between his hands and asking for some space. Everything feels like moving and the colors are still blurry in front of his eyes. Only a sentence is what makes him go back to reality: 

“Agent Y/L/N took Amado Carrillo with her, do you want us to send some more protection for the site and for her?”

“What?”

“Yes.  Agent Y/L/N took Amado Carrillo...”

“Did she?”

“Yes, Coronel.” The soldier freezes under Horacio’s gaze. “Weren’t that your orders, Coronel?”

You were probably still around, he couldn't have lasted that long unconscious. If he sents someone to find you immediately... They can still get you and bring you back, as a traitor. They can still stop you and...

“Yes. That were my orders.” He clenches his jaw and stands up. “And free the workers. We’re done here.”

[ayoungpascallover]

LOVE IN PAUSES PT.II |Javier Peña x Fem! reader|

Warnings. explicit content, female reader (no use of y/n), lenguage, angst, non-explicit. |SMUT. Rough sex, unprotected piv.

A/N. I hope you had the loveliest valentines day and you enjoy this. Please let me know if you'd like to be tagged in it and if there are any mistakes!

Words. 3.87k

|part one| |masterlist|

A year went by, so much had changed since he left, Escobar went down and Colombia felt hopeful for the first time in a long time, you had met someone on the set of a new telenovela you were working in—one where you finally had more than five lines—. Mariano was handsome, sensitive, kind and good in bed; the type of man once you find you should marry, because you know it can't get better than him. But he wasn't Javier , it didn't matter how hard you tried to love him back you simply couldn't do it. Of course you liked him, you made your best to make him happy but he noticed, you knew he noticed how unhappy you were with him, so he broke up with you. At least he had the courtesy to break up with you in a nice way, saying the two of you could be friends in the future and dropping you in a bar where you could get drunk in peace after he left. Or so you thought.

"Puedo llevarte a casa si quieres" Mariano offered, he looked worried and sort of guilty. Fuck, why couldn't you let Javier go? *I can take you home if you want to*

"Estare bien, necesito distraerme. Te prometo que te veré mañana temprano, ¿si?" You tried to soothe the situation, stroking his soft hair gently before you had to get out of the car. *I'll be fine, I need a distraction. I promise I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay?*

"Voy a extrañar esto" he admitted as he leaned to your touch, his green eyes were glassy and red and his voice hoarse from the nod in his throat. *I'm gonna miss this*

"Entoces no tenemos que parar..." before you could insist and beg him to don't give up on you yet, he stopped you. *Then we don't have to stop...*

"Te mereces ser feliz y yo merezco a alguien que me ame de verdad" *You deserve to be happy and I deserve to be with someone who truly loves me*

And that was how you ended up crying in the back of a bar, feeling confused on what were you even crying for in the first place, you didn't even love him, why did it hurt so bad? Perhaps you were crying because now you were or your own again, or because work —your safe space— now would be uncomfortable, or maybe it was because deep down you knew that if it was that easy to dump you, it meant that Javier was not to blame for leaving your sporadic affair behind, maybe you were the problem. So you did what you did best and locked yourself in your own head to think and think and think.

That's why you didn't notice when he walked in; Javier saw you first; your hair was different and he swore you had gotten even more beautiful than you were when he left, you even looked more expensive —if that made any sense—. He stared at you while he ordered his drink, just to see if you'd look at him first but you didn't. You seemed absent from the outside world so he hesitated before he reached out to you, but when he paid attention to your face he couldn't help to notice how you were doing your best to hold back your tears but he knew you, he knew how you looked when you were hurt. You used to have that expression on your face whenever you were getting ready to leave his apartment.

"What could make such a pretty woman like you cry in a place like this?" Was that really the first thing he said after a year? Not even —Hi, how you doing? Sorry I left you?—; your eyes met his for a brief moment, even though Javier wasn't capable of looking at you in the eye, it was embarrassing actually, how quickly he dropped his gaze.

"You have to be fucking kidding me" you sobbed, making him feel stupid when you stood up and without looking back at him, you just left. Javier called your name over and over, people on the street would even get off his way to let him run behind you. But you were faster, running away from your ex lover like a damsel in distress, not slowing down until you were certain he wasn't behind you anymore and you were closer to your house. You kept walking as your tears kept running down your face and feeling relieved that none of your nosy neighbours was out walking their dogs or taking a walk cause the last thing you wanted was people asking what was wrong with you. At least Javier wouldn't know how to find you, he had done enough harm the first time; if it wasn't because he ran into you by mere coincidence, Javier wouldn't have looked for you, only God knew how long it was since he got back to Colombia. You were so done with men, so done with Javier Peña.

"Why did you run away?" Just when you thought you had lost him, Javier grabbed you by the arm, you yelped at the unexpected contact. He asked angrily trying to catch his breath from running after you.

"Me asustaste, Javier! You're in Colombia again you can't just approach girls on the street like that!" You hit his head with your handbag making him flinch, your heart beating fast and hard, your hands were shaking but you didn't know if it was because the scare he gave you or because he was there again. Right in front of you again, the man that made you fall in love with him only to leave you with no more explanations than "I fucked up". You cleaned the remaining evidence of your breakdown from your face, ashamed of Javier knowing you were crying for him.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to talk to you" Javier left your arm free from his grasp and just stared at you, taking you in. However you tried your hardest to avoid his gaze, cause if you gave yourself the time to process his presence, then it would mean it was real. Just like your mother used to say —out of sight, out of mind—. So you did what was best for you, walk away from the burning mess in front of you. "Wait! Where the hell are you going?"

"We're done" you spat at him harshly as you kept walking. The sound of your heels was loud on the concrete and your feet were sore from running in such uncomfortable shoes, sadly you couldn't go any faster. Everything felt wrong in that moment, your clothes too tight, your make-up too smudge and Javier too fucking stubborn to just let you go.

"Just talk like friends" He insisted, walking behind you in a poor attempt to don't make you feel cornered. You felt trapped, your anxiety raising and the idea of just faking a heart attack to get out of the situation seemed more and more tempting.

"We're not friends. I don't think we ever were" you blubbered, finally snapping at him.

"Fine we are not friends, but we could be" Javier insisted, he looked desperate and tired. Not only from running, but the type of tiresome he looked when work got in his head. You almost felt sorry for him... almost.

"No, Javi. You don't have friends, not girlfriends at least. You either fuck them or use them to your convenience" as if it wasn't enough, the heavy gray clouds finally popped and the warm summer rain poured all over you.

"I had Connie" Javier rasped, keeping his step to catch up with you.

"I think she didn't even like you. She just loved Steve more than she should"

"I don't remember you being so mean" when he said that you finally stopped walking. Did looking after your feelings made you a bad person?

"'I'm not being mean" you mumbled, pathetically. Fuck, you were a mess; a very wet very likely to get sick mess.

"I think you are, bonita. And a brat" Javier sneered, was all this funny to him?

"Fuck you!" You yelled at him, hitting his chest with your handbag once more, but of course Javi didn't even flinch.

"Why don't you fuck me yourself?" He chuckled darkly, still not reading the room. Maybe the rain had covered up the fact that your face was wet not because of the weather but because you were crying like a five year old little girl. But couldn't he really tell how upset you were?

"No, I mean it. Fuck you! You left like that and then you come just expecting me to run back to you? You don't get to do this to me!" At this point you were sobbing uncontrollably, making Javier finally notice what the real situation between the two of you was.

"Hey, don't cry it's ok" He had the audacity to try to comfort you, and the worst part you accepted the comfort he offered. Just breaking the promise you made to yourself moments before, you left Javi to take you into his arms and kiss your forehead under the rain —so fucking romantic—.

"My boyfriend just broke up with me" not even sure why, you told him about Mariano.

"I'm sorry, that's why you were crying?" He asked, still, surprisingly, clueless.

"You wanna know why I'm crying?" Javier only nodded, not knowing what else to say. He spent entire evenings imagining a thousand ways this moment could go. But he never pictured you crying. "I'm crying because I can't get over you, I tried but I can't. And I wo-" you choked, not being able to continue talking without your voice breaking from crying "I won't go through that again just for to put pause in whatever we have going on and then leave again"

"I had no other choice, and I know I pushed you away but I need you to understand that I did it for you, so you could be safe. No quería joderte la vida" He held you tighter to his chest, apologising at last.

"Fuck you, Javi." You hid away your face in the crook of his neck "I'm gonna get so sick"

"I'm sorry"

"I know, I'm sorry too" with all the courage that you managed to get out of you, you finally faced him the proper way, his cold hands cupped your face and before you realised his lips were over yours. Or were your lips over his? It didn't matter anymore because you were kissing him again for the first time in what it felt like an eternity to you, his soft plush lips fitted perfectly with yours and his way of kissing was so different from what you remembered, not as harsh anymore, he was tender now. His tongue slithering through your mouth softly instead of roughly going to the back of your throat. You tried to convince yourself that liked it more the other way.

"You look so pretty, that haircut suites you well" Javier said casually once you separated to get air. It seemed ridiculous to you that he chose those to be the first words after a kiss like that, but it was such a Javi thing to do it made you laugh.

"Thanks, It's for a new telenovela, it's awful" he wasn't sure if you meant the hair or the project you were working on "You're finally eating, you're getting fat I like it" he laughed wholeheartedly  as you held his handsome face and studied him carefully while your odd conversation kept going under the rain. He looked older and in need for a nap but just as handsome as you remembered him.

"Trying to quit smoking, maybe that's why I'm eating more" he explained with some sort of pride in his tone, you supposed he was doing well by the way he said it. "I'm really sorry" he apologised again, his puppy sad eyes burning on you and making you feel miserable and angry and sad all at the same time.

"It's okay, Javi; we should get inside, I'm getting cold. My house is just two blocks from here" his whole body lenguage changed when you offered your place; before he left, it was always his place, never yours.

"Are you sure?" He asked, making you doubt for a minute if he actually wanted to just talk and you misunderstood his intentions.

"I am" you kissed him again, a chaste kiss, maybe just to see if you were on the same page.

"I've missed you so much" You didn't anwser to that, but he kissed you back, his kiss longing and demanding. You were definitely on the same page —for once—.

The walk to your home was not long, if it wasn't for the very dramatic show you gave to your neighbours, you would have being able to get home before the rain started. But since your clothes were ruined, you might as well take advantage of it.

"You should take off your clothes here, I don't want my couch getting ruined"

Javi laughed at loud this time, was he always this annoying?

"You always go straight to the point, don't you? Asking me to get naked as soon as you open the door" He sneered, ignoring completely your request and getting inside the living room with his soaked clothes. An irritated groan scaped from your throat as you took off your dress and high heels, you were wearing a pink set of lingerie —the one you knew your ex liked the most—, it wasn't anything special really, but it was cute, girlish; and normally you would have been perfectly comfortable showing off your body in front of anyone but being on your underwear in front of Javi made you feel so weird for some reason.

"I mean it, Javi. Don't you dare step on my carpet with those shoes" you scolded him when he just stood there in front of you "Javi, your clothes" you whined waiting for him to at least take his shoes off but he didn't move at all. You tried your best to don't look desperate, but the way he was looking at you made you clench in anticipation and shiver from excitement of what you knew was about to happen. After all, you knew that look on his face better than anyone; you were a pretty girl wearing lingerie in front of a man like him, of course he wouldn't leave the house without fucking you first.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful" Javier rasped and walked back at you, he took you by the waist and carried you all the way to the —very expensive and now ruined— couch. He dropped you there with no care at all and climbed over you. Finally Javier smashed his lips against yours, roughly, just the way you liked it. No tenderness or sweetness, just hot white burning desire, that was the Javier you knew, the one that could make you feel alive.

His warm tongue sliding inside your mouth and his whisky breath made you let out a shameless filthy moan into his lips. His large hands were roaming all over your almost naked body while he kept you pin to the couch, with your arms on top of your head and your legs open wide for him.

"I told you to get the fuck away from my couch" you pushed him away from you once his lips went to your neck to leave those marks he always loved to make, after all your ex boyfriend deserved to be mourned for at least one week before he found out you were fucking other men already "You can't leave marks"

"This is why we always met at my place" Javier stood up and grabbed you so you did the same, your hands went straight to his belt to try take off his trousers but he was quicker and stopped you "I want to eat that pretty cunt" he explained when he saw your furrowed brow.

"No, Javier. You fuck me first" you made him sit again but he snatched you by the waist and pulled you towards him, his face went straight to hide in between your breasts and and just inhale sharply, almost like a sob, but you didn't say anything; you were about to ask him if he was alright when then he looked up to you and smirked.

Fuck you've missed that dimple on his cheek.

"I thought you didn't want me on your fancy coach"

"You already ruined it anyways, stop smiling like that and do something. I'm cold"

"If you're so cold you should put on some clothes" he looked up to you again through his heavy dark lashes, he looked so annoyingly handsome like that "Only nice girls deserve to get fuck" both of his large hands went and grab a handful of your ass and squeezed hard. But then he dropped them again.

You were only so patient, and he was teasing too much, you no longer had it in you to play along with him; you wanted to, yes. You wanted to make it fun like in the old days, but you were also so angry at him.

"Javier, por favor" You were begging him for his touch, but you didn't care how pathetic you must have sounded in that moment, you just wanted to feel him again. *Javier, please*

"Esos ojos tuyos, they let you get away with anything you want. Come here, bonita. You can ride my cock" *Those eyes of yours, they let you get away with anything you want*

You waited until he pulled down his trousers and boxers to sit on top of him, you didn't shy away from taking a look to his hardening cock, the tip already red and leaking. Meanwhile, Javier managed to slip his hand inside your panties, for a hot minute it made you feel embarrassed how wet you were. Everything felt so sensitive, not only your dripping core, but your skin, your limbs, your bones, your whole body was hurting.

You ached for Javier.

"You naughty little girl, have you been this wet all the time?" He whispered in the filthiest voice.

"Shut the fuck up, Javi" You hissed and whimpered when two of his fingers soaked with your slick slide inside of you with no rush. You were so ready for him, no foreplay needed, you went liquid just by watching him with his hair all wet and messy, breathless and under you.

Shit, you were ruined.

"If you hadn't put on such a show we could have taken care of this a long time ago"

"Javier just fuck me already... Please, Javi. Make me feel good again" you were begging again, but his heavy throbbing length was so close to your heat... and yet he seemed so busy fucking you with his fingers and making a mess out of you, it felt good but you wanted more.

"So fucking needy" he groaned and tore his hand away from you "you wore this for him?"

"Yes"

"Hmmm, such a shame he won't get to see it anymore, bonita. These are mine now" He pulled your panties aside and nudged your clit with the tip of his cock, you cried his name out loud.

"Javi, Javi, Javi" you repeated his name like a mantra, like it burned your insides and you were sure you were screaming it from the top of you lungs when he pushed himself deep into you, slowly. The stretch of him was so overwhelming but also so relieving, Javi felt bigger than you remembered.

"I'll fuck so good you won't be able to think about him again. F‐fuck, you won't be able to think at all. There you go, my pretty girl" He held you hips steady as you lowered yourself on him, your mouth felt open with a gasp when you took all of his inches inside, it was painful but the type of painful you can't complain about. "There you fucking go, you look so beautiful like this, so wrecked for me already"

"Oh f-fuck" your cried and rested your head on his shoulder "feels so g-good. Move, please"

And he did, his hold on your hips got tighter and he lifted you from his cock only to slam you back down again, meeting your cunt with his thrust. Rocking his pelvis up and down until your eyes flew to the back of your head and your voice went off, just like your brain. It went like that for a few minutes, you were boneless in his arms and couldn't do more than to kiss and bite his neck and that part of soft flesh were shoulder and neck met.

"I-I won't last" he warned, taking his hand to your bundle of nerves that cried for attention and pressing it softly, barely testing waters, but you snapped, the climax that had been building inside you from the moment he laid hands on you finally exploded. You sobbed as you clenched around him, his cock squelching from the wetness that came out of you with your orgasm.

For a moment, when his movements started to feel sloppy, you thought he was going to stop, he was going to give you an minute to compose yourself, but then your eyes met and he groaned, animalistic.

"Inside" you mumbled, taking both your hands to his hair and tugging harshly. His brown deep eyes looked so dark with lust and you were simply gone, out of yourself.

"Huh?"

"I want you to cum inside" Javier’s hips stuttered and when he looked to tired to keep manhandling you up and down his cock, you adjusted yourself and rolled your hips against him. It was all too much and you were so overstimulated but that expression on Javier’s face was worth it. Lips parted and brows furrowed as he moaned loudly for you, until he spilled inside of you.

And then suddenly, you came back to reality. It was done, and as you were both panting and still whimpering quietly, you started to wonder if you would be able to let Javi left your home that night. His hands stroked your back softly and trace the line of your column over and over, soothing you enough to make you let out an involuntary sigh of contentment. He was still inside you, his length soft, but keeping you full.

"Javi, I want to go to my bedroom" you said when your eyelids started to feel heavy. Javier didn’t say anything, he just pulled out of you and stood up from the couch, taking you carefully in his arms and getting upstairs to your bedroom.

He laid you down and went back downstairs for a glass of water and his underwear. When he returned to you bedroom, you were already under the sheets, your hair still wet but you had cleaned yourself up and put on an old shirt; he offered you the glass of water and chuckled lightly when you drank it desperately. Then, surprisingly, Javi tucked himself under the sheets by your side and scooped you with his long arm to be closer to him.

You hugged him tightly, afraid of letting him go after what you were about to say.

"Javi?"

"Sleep, bonita. I won't go anywhere"

"It's not that, Jav. I mean, this was just sex, right?"

"No attachments again then"

"Deal?"

"Deal"

taglist: @kirsteng42 | @nicolethered

[foli-vora]

FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS FOR THE 1K 🥳🥳 U DESERVE IT ALL SWEETIE!!!

okay, so my request is: fluff (maybe with a lil bit of angst, uh?), my lovely husband benny miller and numbers 1, 34 & 35. F!

AND AGAIN,

CONGRATULATIONS FOR THE 1K 🎉

Thank you so much, sweetheart! You are too kind! ❤️ and BENNYYY YESSS, thank you! I’m so excited to write for my favourite golden retriever man ❤️ I hope I do him justice—enjoy!

#1—touching foreheads, #34—washing the other’s body & #35—kissing their bruises and scars

Warnings: swearing, nudity, Benny cries (yes that’s a warning, it hurt me), mentions of Redfuckheadfly, talk of death, brief descriptions of injuries

The sound of water running echoes through the quiet, and it jerks you from the light slumber you had been lost in. You doubt someone would break in to use your shower, so that must mean it’s him. He’s home.

You fling the blankets off your legs and stand on shaky legs, stumbling in your haste to get to the bathroom.

“Benny?” You fly into the room, ripping the shower curtain away with a vicious tug. It screams along the metal at your hurried pull, and then you see him. He’s under the water, bright eyes blinking away the streams of water that run over his face and then they’re on you.

“Hey baby.” He mutters softly, smiling gently.

You barely notice that it doesn’t reach his eyes in your excitement to get into his arms, completely uncaring as the water floods over you and soaks your pyjamas. He chuckles quietly, arms folding around you and keeping you pressed tightly up against him.

It’s grounding, calming. It’s exactly what he needs. The hot water wasn’t cutting it. He was still there, still in danger, still dragging a corpse—

“I missed you!” You cling to him, hands running along his arms until you can wind your arms around his neck.

A sigh blows along your throat, and that’s when you start to notice that something isn’t right. “I missed you, too. So fucking much, baby.”

You try to pull away, try to see if you could detect the sadness you’re beginning to suspect swimming in his ocean eyes. He doesn’t let you, and instead tightens his hold, fighting the sudden emotion clawing his throat at being home, being safe.

“Baby, what’s—”

“I’m so sorry.” And then he feels the solid walls he built for survival crumble.

You feel your heart shatter in your chest, the pieces digging harsh and unforgiving into the very core of you the more he cries. He’s shaking, breath unsteady as he all but falls into you, and you’re sinking to the bottom of the tub with him cradled to your chest as the water beats down on the both of you.

“Benny, baby—talk to me. What happened?”

It all comes out in a hurried flood and your mind struggles to catch up. Colombia? Drug cartel? Will got shot? Helicopter? Tom? Panic seizes your chest as he speaks, his hoarse voice throwing apologies in wherever he sees fit, and you realise with a sickening startle that he could very well have not made it home.

The thought sticks in your mind, ugly and loud. He could have died, and you wouldn’t have known. Not unless his friends could’ve carried his body, too. He could’ve been lost to the wilderness, leaving merely memories and the ghost of his goodbye kiss lingering on your lips.

“I’ve got you. You’re home, baby. You’re safe.” You hold him for as long as he needs, keeping your arms strong and solid around him.

The unyielding weight that had been dragging him down all the way home washes down the drain, and finally a soft sense of calm settles over him and he can breathe a little better.

You let him move when he starts to shift, turning in your hold and delicately pulling the soaked cotton from your torso. He chucks it out of the tub and to the tiled floor without a care, steadying you as you both stand and remove your sleep shorts.

You feel stupid when you actually look at him. You had missed it all in your hurry to touch him after what feels like so long. Cuts and scrapes dot along his skin, mixing in with some older scars from his serving days, and fresh hues of blue and purple mix under his skin in patches, a larger patch blossoming brightly on his hip.

He fell from a helicopter.

You can’t help the tears that build and fall the more your fingers brush along his injuries, face pinching in anguish as you’re reminded again and again that he could have died. He lets you touch him, relishes in the feel of your lips as they press soft, devotion filled kiss after kiss to each and every mark marring his skin.

Each tender caress of your lips chases the darkness further and further away, and he wonders how he ever lived without you.

“I love you, baby.” He murmurs, and it fills your chest with warmth.

“I love you, too.”

And for a moment, you both just bask in it. It was undeniable—it had been the second you met. The love shared between you both was something incredible, something special. He always said it. He was convinced he had been blessed by mistake when you came into his life, but he wasn’t one to refuse a gift from God, and so he snatched you and your heart up and ran.

Rough fingers trace along the skin of your face, and you nuzzle into his touch, pressing a soft kiss to his palm.

You’re always first. You smile shyly, unable to tear your eyes from his face for even a second as he moves the soapy sponge over you, gigging quietly when his fingers slip against the skin of your underarms. His smile is small in return, but it doesn’t lack brightness.

He’s safe. He’s home. He’s with you.

He stands still when it’s his turn, eyes closing in contentment as you lather him in bubbles, washing away the horrors that had been shared in the small space. His lips twitch when you run your fingers along his ribs, and you’re rewarded with pools of familiar blue when the sponge drops to the floor with a wet slap.

Your hands are hot on his cheeks then, keeping his face steady as you look into his eyes and bring him closer to press your forehead gently against his.

“Don’t you ever do anything like that again, Benjamin.” You whisper, eyes raw from tears.

He nods as well as he could, pressing further into your touch and cradling your face to his. “Yes, ma’am.”

+

1kcelebration—send a request! ❤️

[pascalpanic]

Oooh the fluffy prompts are fun! Could you do “are you sugar personified or something?” with Javier?

Birthday Cake (Javier Peña x f!Reader)

Summary: Your best friend Javi, the storm cloud to your rainbows and sunshine, is celebrating a birthday today. Gotta cheer the grump up!

W/C: 1.9k

Warnings: language, Javi has dirty thoughts. of course he does.

A/N: idk I just think he’s neat 💖 thanks for the prompt!!

Few people know things about Javier that weren’t common knowledge. Most people know that his full name is Javier Peña, he’s from Texas, he’s fantastic at his job and he’s a womanizer.

You and Steve Murphy are two of the people with more knowledge. You know that he has a sweet tooth but doesn’t recognize it. You know his favorite brand of cigarettes, his favorite brand of whiskey, he always knocks twice in a quick succession on a door. He’s a wild card in the field, but he’s incredibly predictable around the embassy and as a friend.

You work as an Intelligence Research Specialist at the embassy, processing raw data and turning it into intel. This means you work closely with the agents, but Peña and Murphy are your favorites. Steve is the only man who doesn’t hit on you in the entire building, and Javier is the only man who can do it in a way that makes your stomach flutter a little.

You’re the go-to gal for the two mustached men. If they need data, you’re the one they find. And that’s often- the two men love to make impulsive decisions about fieldwork, and you’re the one who has to give them the grounds to go do things. You’re the one who decodes the wiretap that the agents place. You help with interrogations sometimes, and give the men recommendations on what they should do. It’s rare that any of them, besides Peña and Murphy, listen to you, though.

The three of you are the triple threat around the office; wherever you go, the other two men aren’t far behind. They follow you like ducklings to the mother bird with the information, the details, the who-what-when-and-where to their how.

The two men enjoy you too. Steve loves your baking. It reminds him of home. Javier, on the other hand, rarely comments when food is presented to him, but he’ll eat plenty of the sweet treats when he thinks no one is looking. Javier refers to you as a “ray-of-fucking-sunshine,” usually through a mouthful of whatever you baked last. Your positivity and energy is the complete opposite of his gruff demeanor.

Javier really likes you, more than he should. He wants you, wants to kiss you deeply and lay you down on his bed and absolutely destroy you. You’re just so fucking cute, always with that infectious good mood. You see the shit these men do on the daily, and you still seem almost naive. No, not naive. Just hopeful. That’s rare, and Javi admires it.

You like them, as more than coworkers, as friends. Steve is a funny guy. You like him and his wife, Connie. They’re good company. You live next door to the Murphys, which puts you right near Javier too.

Javi, you two called him outside of work. He had a dry sense of humor, and was hard to pull away from the job. They both were. You were better at compartmentalizing than they were. He was handsome and flirtatious, but you figured he’d never like you. Too different of people.

The three of you shared details of your lives at work. Steve would talk about his adoptive daughter’s latest milestones, about his wife and his arguments. You and Javier didn’t have much to share. Your heart twinged every time Steve mentioned another hookup Javier had had.

Something about him is magnetic. Javier makes you grin and giggle and shy away but come out of your shell at the same time. But of course, you’re coworkers and friends. Just friends. It would be impractical to think that you could be something more, if he even wanted to in the first place.

November rolls around in Colombia, and with it comes Javier’s birthday. November 8th, in a year he refused to tell you. Steve told you later. The Murphys and you are the only people aware of this. Javier doesn’t like a fuss to be made over him. Of course, knowing you, a fuss is the only thing practical.

It’s a Sunday when Javier turns a year older. Connie and Steve are doing something with their daughter, probably. Javier doesn’t have friends besides you or Steve. That motivates you to go even grander.

You wake in the morning with a grin. November 8th. After taking your time waking, you find your way to the kitchen and begin the process. You lovingly fold the dry ingredients in a bowl, then add the wet ones. A beautiful looking cake batter forms, and you dare to lick the spoon once the cake is in the oven. It’s good.

As it bakes, you hum to yourself and find your way to the phone. “Murphys,” a sweet voice rings out. Connie.

“Hey lovely,” you say with a grin. “Is Steve home?”

“Yeah, what’s up? Please don’t be calling for work,” she says, even though the tone of your voice indicates it isn’t.

“Oh, no. I guess you’d know: it’s Javi’s birthday. The two of them doing anything tonight?”

“I completely forgot,” Connie gasps. “But no, not that I’m aware of.”

“Just checking. Thanks, girl.”

“Yeah, any time.” Connie hangs up right as the oven beeps that the cake is done.

-

A knock comes at Javier’s door in the evening. He opens it to find you with a beautifully iced cake, a bottle of whiskey, and a grin. “Happy birthday,” you say as you see him, and his neutral expression grows to a small smile.

“You know I hate birthdays,” he chuckles lightly.

“That’s too damn bad, because I love them. Do you have any plans for tonight?” You ask him.

He’d been considering calling up one of his girls to fuck until he forgot his name or how old he was getting, but he’d much rather be with you. “No,” he shakes his head.

“Wanna share this cake and whiskey?” You ask, hope in your eyes as you lean forward a little.

Javier laughs.

“Are you sugar personified or something? Come on in,” he says and moves to allow you in. You set the cake and whiskey down on his counter and immediately head for a cupboard where you know he keep the plates. “Thank you for this.”

“Of course. It’s my best friend‘s birthday, gotta treat him.”

“I’m your best friend?” He asks, somewhat in disbelief as you return with two plates, two forks, and two glasses of whiskey.

You shrug. “Of course you are. Who else would it be, Steve?” You snort as you sit at his table and he sits across from you.

“Just… no one back home?”

You give him an honest smile, your perky demeanor dropping. “No, Javi. You’re my best friend. I genuinely enjoy you as a person. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yes.”

You sigh and reach for your purse. “You’re a piece of work, Peña,” you sigh as you stick a couple of candles into the cake. You don’t smoke, but you carry a lighter for Javier and Steve, which you grab from your purse and use to light the candles. “Okay. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,” you sing softly to Javier, grinning and looking into his eyes.

He doesn’t deserve you, he thinks to himself. Someone so beautiful and kind and yeah, beautiful, so stunning, and yet you never go on dates or hook up with anyone, even when it’s so easy. Why? He selfishly hopes it could be because of him.

“Happy birthday dear Javi… happy birthday to you.” He knows the drill. He blows out the candles and they go out easily. “What did you wish for?” You ask sweetly and quietly, slicing into the cake.

“Can’t tell you.” It was you. He can’t tell you that not because he fears it won’t come true, but because he fears what could come after it.

You sigh. “You’re impossible,” you tease and scoop a slice, handing it over to him. He pops the bottle of whiskey open and pours a glass for each of you.

“You’re the impossible one. All sunshine and rainbows in the middle of a fucking drug war.”

You shake your head as you scoop yourself a piece. “Someone has to be. No one else was taking the job. You think I enjoy it? I get pissed sometimes too. I hide it.”

“You, angry? I’d like to see it,” he shakes his head and takes a bite.

Rolling your eyes, you take a bite of the cake too. “Hiding my feelings for the good of others since the day I popped out of the womb.”

His face softens. “Hey.”

You shake your head. “Sorry to be depressing. It’s your birthday, after all. How does it feel to be a year older, hm?” You ask, trying to put the facade up again. It only half works.

Javier sets down his fork. “Hey, brillante.” Shiny. “I know you have more feelings in there. Tell me them.”

“Since when have you been one for emotions, Javier?” You ask dryly and raise an eyebrow.

He nods. “That’s fair. But you can tell me anything. I’m your best friend, right?”

Sighing, you look down at your plate. You don’t want to admit that what you’re thinking about is how you don’t want him to be your best friend, you want to love and adore him and be more. Lovers, partners, anything. “Hey. Answer.”

The frustration gets you and you snap. “I care about you, Javier. I like you. I think about you a lot. As more than just a friend, really. And I shouldn’t, because we’re coworkers and friends.” The words flow before you can stop yourself.

He’s taken aback. He certainly didn’t expect that. “Oh.”

You bite your lip. “That’s exactly why I held that in for so long. Because you responded like that. It’s not your fault, either, so don’t say that, that you’re sorry you don’t feel the same, that-“

Javier stands and walks to your side of the table. He squats to your seated height. “Look at me.”

You do, albeit in a confused way. “Yeah?”

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I’m about to do this for me and me alone, because I know you want to do it too.”

“What?”

He kisses you, cupping your face in his hands. He tastes like frosting and whiskey and cigarettes and oh god, it’s heavenly. His calloused fingertips against your cheeks, his warm and plush lips against your own. He means it, you can tell it. He breaks away, breathing heavily. “Hey. My ray-of-fucking-sunshine. I want you, I’ve wanted you for a long time now. Since I first laid eyes on you.” He brings your face close to his. “Never hold it in again.”

You close the gap between the two of you, kissing him again. Hard. Passionately. You hold the back of his head with one hand, the other snaking around his shoulder. You stop for a second and stand, and he follows. “Goddamn, you really are sugar personified.” The gap closes between your lips, from mutual movement forward, into another needy kiss.

You throw your arms around him, making a soft noise of need into his lips. “Javi,” you shudder as his lips trail to your jaw and then to your neck.

“Got my birthday wish.”

[mandoalorian]

Maybe like a fanfic about Javier Peña based on the song angel eyes from mamma mia

Angel Eyes

Javier Peña x F!Reader

Warnings: few curse words, allusions to sex, hurt/comfort

They were a deep shade of honey brown, and they seemed to darken considerably whenever you touched him. You’d met him in the heat of central Colombia, where sunshine was a constant, and it beamed down onto him like he was some kind of angel. You swore you had never seen someone so perfect. His brown eyes melted into golden rays, circling an eclipse. They were magical. They were framed by his long and thick lashes, and in a way, you sort of envied them.

Maybe it was your fault. Maybe you were foolish to fall head over heels in love with a man like him. A man like Javier Peña. You’d heard his name before. You knew of his reputation. You should’ve known better.

You’d been seeing each other for around six months, catching a beer with him every night after work and stopping over at his apartment. Six months was already longer than any relationship that Javier had in the recent years. He probably should’ve figured something was up sooner. The sex was amazing. But... there was something more to it than just a friendly face to have a drink and warm the bed with. There was a deeper connection.

And Javier felt it too.

That’s why he had to let you go.

So he ended things abruptly, without an explanation. Because what was there to say? “I have deep commitment issues and I feel myself falling in love with you. And I can’t let that happen, because my biggest fear is hurting you.” No, of course not. This was Javier Peña, and he wasn’t going to let himself be vulnerable like that. So, he opted for the easy way out. He broke your heart and left you standing there feeling helpless and alone.

The second he got back to his apartment he regretted it. He regretted letting you go. He deserved happiness, just for once, he deserved to be happy. And you made him happy. He told himself that he done the right thing... that in his line of work, there was no time for settling down.

But... in this very moment, settling down didn’t seem so bad at all.

It was too late now though. Javier needed some kind of release. He knew better than to dwell on his past mistakes.

About an hour after Javier left, you gathered together his belongings and stuffed them in an old grey duffel bag. You knew you had to return them; you couldn’t hold onto them forever. It pained you, but you wanted to at least get it over and done with. You were only two blocks away when you saw him standing by the riverside with his large hands on the waist of another woman.

There was another woman.

Was that why he’d ended things? You felt sick to your stomach. Part of you wanted to drop his belongings and run. Another part of you wanted to fall to your knees and cry. You contemplated throwing his bag of possessions into the river. Your thoughts were racing a million miles an hour.

You looked at the woman and noticed one thing. She was completely entranced by Javier’s angel eyes. The eyes you had fallen in love with. They were hypnotic, and in that moment, you felt bad for her. You felt bad for this other woman because, no doubt, he’d treat her the way he treated everyone else; ruthlessly, and without a single care in the world.

You wanted to scream but when you opened your mouth, all that came out was a teary sob of his name. “Javier.”

Both Javier and the woman turned to face you. The woman looked more than confused, but, on impulse, Javier ripped his body away from hers and chased after you. You could hardly run, your legs feeling weak as your cries echoed throughout the cobbled street. Javier grabbed onto you and held you, swinging his arm around your body and navigating you into a quiet alleyway.

“Cariño,” his voice was gruff but his touch felt like home. It only pained you more.

“Stop,” you protested, shaking your head. “Stop. You can’t— you can’t call me that anymore. You can’t touch me like this anymore.”

You haphazardly swatted his hands away but he brought his thumbs up to your face and wiped away your tears.

“Please, please don’t cry. Don’t think I wanted to end things, because I didn’t.”

You dismissed his comment and tried to regulate your erratic breathing. “If there was another woman, you should’ve just told me.”

Javier’s sweet eyes filled with tears. “No other woman,” he choked out, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his throat. “Just you. Only you.”

You sighed and tried to look away from him. You could look anywhere in the world, as long as you didn’t look into those damned eyes.

“Then— then who was she?”

Javier looked back at the riverside, and it seemed like the woman he was with had already left. “The second I got home I regretted it,” Javier revealed. “I regretted leaving you. I figured maybe I could find another woman to just... forget about it, for a few hours at least. But the truth is, I’ll never be able to forget— Forget this feeling. These feelings. The feelings that I have... for you.”

And finally, your eyes met his. He looked heartbroken. Javier was stumbling over his words, picking at his fingernails, and he’d never looked so nervous.

“I’m in love with you,” he professed, a single tear slipping down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away with his sleeve and straightened his posture, irked with himself for getting so emotional. “And I fucking mean it. Shit, I’m sorry. I’m... I fucked up. But one thing is for certain. I never make the same mistake twice. So if you’d forgive me...”

You pressed your lips against his and he pinned you against the cool brick wall. You could hear the ambience of the river gently slushing in the background as the warm Colombian sunset beamed down on you both. His moustache tickled you as he slid his hot, wet tongue into your mouth. He was intoxicating, there was no doubt about that. The husky moans that left his lips sent vibrations straight through your body.

And you didn’t know what it was, but this time, you believed him. You forgave him. And you hoped that maybe this time, things would be different.

If you knew one thing for sure though, it was that none of this would’ve happened if you never had looked into his angel eyes.

——————

Permanent taglist: @paintballkid711 @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell​ @xoxo-callie @stardust-galaxies​ @wickedfrsgrl​ @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal​  @kiwi-the-first​ @pedroepascal​ @castiel-barnes​ @honeymandos​​ @rocketqueen​  @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth​ @moth-guillotine @pedro-pascal-love @hayley-the-comet​ @pinkninja200​ @maxiarapamaya​ @autumnleaves1991-blog​ @artsymaddie​ @harrys-stan​ @kennedywxlsh​ @cripplingmoon​ @cheekygeek05​ @mrschiltoncat @rye-flower​ @theamuz @persie33 @sleepylunarwolf​ @martellthemandalor @pedro-pastel ​ @steeevienicks @rrtxcmt @saphic-susperia​ @beskarprincessjenny @readsalot73​ @softmedics​ @jade10077​ @dodgerandevans​ @planetariumx @pascals-cat @ajeff855​ @spideysimpossiblegirl​ @smoldjarin

[mothandpidgeon]

Congrats on 500 followers! You deserve every single one of them and so many more 💕 Your writing is absolutely incredible!

For the requests could you please do either

“Your eyes are already saying yes, now I just need your pretty mouth to tell me the same.”

Or

“As soon as we’re both sober, we can do every dirty little thing you ever dreamed of.”

For our Javi because we all know that he respects women enough to ALWAYS get consent (and that makes him 1000x hotter if I do say so myself)

My tumblrs been acting really weird and saying things aren’t going through so I’m sending this just in case, please ignore this if it already came through once 🤣

First, thank you so much you are sooo sweet. And thanks for the request. Javi sips the respect women juice. This was fun!

This is a little (18+) drabble for you!

Send me a 500 follower request!

Normally you would have avoided a get together at Steve and Connie’s. It was all people from work, you already saw them every day. But you were feeling sorry for yourself. You had just broken up with Andrew over the phone.

It was no one’s fault. The long distance thing just wasn’t working. The relationship had died more than six months ago, you’d just finally admitted it was over. But it didn’t mean it hadn’t given you a reason to drink. Maybe transferring to Colombia had been the wrong move. You’d put your whole life on hold and now you would have to start over when you went back home.

Javi was pouring himself a drink when you came up with your empty glass.

“Set me up,” you said, pushing it in front of him.

Javi eyed you and poured two fingers over your melted ice.

“Whiskey, huh? I didn’t think you’d like something with a bite,” he said suggestively.

You laughed. Javi flirted with you relentlessly even though he knew you were off limits and it amused you. Sometimes you felt like he was using you for practice. You’d always acted cool and detached but, boyfriend or no, you were a woman with a pulse...and a pussy.

“I like this little outfit,” Javi said, sitting on the edge of the table so he was eye level with you.

“I bet you’d rather see what’s under it,” you said with the same sarcasm you always used on him.

He chuckled. You’d already had a few and you felt loose and loud from the booze. And his arms looked so nice, peeking out from under his polo shirt.

“What would Andrew say about that?”

You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. We broke up yesterday.”

Javi was quiet for once. He’d always seen you as a pretty thing he couldn’t have and now you’d caught him off guard. He watched your throat as you swallowed down your drink.

“Sorry about that,” he said.

You scoffed.

“What? Don’t you want to make me feel better?” you teased, looking at him with a defiantly even gaze. “Help me forget his name?”

Your coquetry made him ache and he had to take a pull from his whiskey and glance away.

“Now you’re shy?” You rolled your eyes.

You leaned into him, your soft breast against his bicep.

“Javi, I haven’t been fucked in six months. Can you imagine how tight I am right now?” you said in a whisper, your lips brushing his ear.

Javi had half a mind to find out right here in this room full of people. He fidgeted his hand, bending and stretching his fingers. You were drunk and lonely, he reminded himself. You didn’t really want him. And he didn’t want you to regret jumping into bed with the first guy that crossed your path.

But fuck if he didn’t want to be that guy.

“How much have you had to drink?” he asked.

“I have to be drunk to want you? I thought you’d want to show me all the dirty things I’ve heard so much about.”

He looked down your figure and pictured your naked curves writhing under him, your lips forming his name breathlessly. He was half hard already.

“Listen,” he said, and he swirled his tongue over his teeth, “as soon as we’re both sober, we can do every dirty little thing you ever dreamed of.”

You had your glass raised halfway to your lips, your mouth open to sip from it but you froze. A grin curled itself over your features. You shut your mouth and put the glass on the table.

“I’m going to go find some water,” you said.