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mca-attack21 · 4 years

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The Sacrifice part 2

This is the second part of a three part mini-series. Part one is here and my masterlist is here. I hope you enjoy it, let me know if you want to be tagged in the final part! DOOWEEEOOOO!

Eventually, as she always does, River left. The Doctor stared at the space she once occupied. Something felt off… he felt off. He was alone in a way that he had not been since he met Rose all those years ago. Even the idea of reuniting with Amy and Rory did not ease his sense of heartache. There was something missing, something important. Something so important that it was written on his hearts, even if it was out of reach of his mind. He tried to shake the feeling, to bury it and move on, but he couldn’t, not with this.

Telling himself that it must’ve been some weird after effect of being drugged, he decided to ignore it and focus instead on Amy and Rory who he needed to pick up from Amsterduke. He maneuvered the controls and held on as the TARDIS took off. Finding the couple was easy as he merely had to ask where the humans were. They were both very glad to see him, as they had gotten into a bit of a pickle themselves. Once it was all said and done and everyone had made it back to the TARDIS, they all had a good laugh about it.

Though even as they were joking around, Amy could see the loss in her friend’s eyes. She wondered what had happened in the short time that they were separated, but decided that it was better that she didn’t ask.

The next morning, the Doctor was getting ready to wake everyone up for the upcoming adventure and doing some light ready as he journeyed through the halls as he had done countless times before. Head still in the book, he reached out for a doorknob that wasn’t there. He looked up to see that he stood before a blank wall. While the TARDIS did like to move things around on occasion, this was peculiar. The Doctor racked his brain but couldn’t remember anything ever being in that spot. Yet, he felt so drawn to it. There *was* something there, there had to be.

“Doctor?” Amy asked puzzled by his attention to the wall.

“Hmm? Yes. Sorry, just had a thought.”

‘That’s always dangerous. Should I start running or hide?’ she joked.

“Hey!” he feigned offense.

“What? I didn’t say anything,” Amy asked looking slightly concerned.

“Of course not, where were we?” he asked, an unsettling feeling taking over again.

“Are you alright?”

“Amy, sweet married Amy, in all our time together I thought by now you would have learned better than to ask such a silly question. I’m fine. No, I’m better than fine I’m great! Now go grab Rory and get ready to see Venice.”

Over the next two months, there were many moments like the one above. The Doctor would find himself with certain objects, places, or phrases and feel like there was something off. It was like they should mean something to him other than what they did. Sometimes he’d catch himself having two-way conversation, but whose words came to mind he couldn’t tell. All he knew is that the didn’t belong to him. It always came in short waves, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore. He’d spend his nights wandering through the TARDIS to see if anything would trigger something. He was grasping at straws, but had no choice. He felt incomplete, like whatever it was that he had forgotten or lost was the last piece of a puzzle that he hadn’t even truly been aware that he’d been solving. The problem was that he wasn’t able to see the whole picture without that piece, and he couldn’t find that piece without seeing the whole picture.

Amy and Rory noticed his change of demeanor regardless of how he tried to hide it. They were starting to get worried about him and tried to keep his mind busy. They purposefully avoided bringing it up, not wanting to upset him. That was until one day his distractedness had almost gotten him killed. It was on that day that once they were safely back in the TARDIS that Amy forced him to sit down.

“Okay, talk,” she ordered.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been hiding something from us, and it’s about time you clued us in,” she replied.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the Doctor lied.

“Yes, you do. It’s been happening for a while now. It’s like no matter where we are or what we are doing that part of your mind is somewhere else. And we’ve tried to give you your space, but obviously, that hasn’t helped, so spill it.”

“I’m fine, you are reading too much into things Amy.”

“No you’re not, and it almost got you killed today, so we aren’t leaving here until you talk about it.”

“Rory, tell Amy that I’m fine,” the Doctor sought help.

“Honestly, Doctor I agree with her. Something’s off and it’s obviously something important if it’s affecting you this much,” Rory agreed.

The Doctor felt like a child who’d gotten caught sneaking a cookie out of the cookie jar. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell them, but what was he supposed to say? He didn’t know what was wrong, not really. If he did, he would have been able to do something about it by now. But there was something missing, or rather someone. And they were important, incredibly important.

“Doctor?” Amy said voice changing from accusatory to concerned as she noticed a stray tear escaping his eye.

“It’s okay, whatever it is we’ll help you through it,” Rory added.

“That’s the problem,” he whispered.

“What is?” Amy pried.

“You can’t help me, I can’t even help me.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Something happened while you guys were in Amsterduke. I have no clue what it was, but I lost something-someone there. And no matter where I look or how hard I try to remember, it’s just missing. Someone’s missing, someone important, someone I think I loved. But there is no indication that they ever existed except in small traces of familiarity,” he paused for a moment before adding, “It’s like there are all of these memories just under the surface and without the I am but a shell of the person I should be.”

The Doctor was now close to tears. His heart hurt and talking about it didn’t make it better. Amy and Rory probably thought he was crazy. If he didn’t know any better, he’d probably think he was crazy. Maybe he was crazy.

“Okay, so tell us everything that you remember about that day,” Amy started.

“That’s just it, I remember dropping you lovebirds off at Amsterduke. Then I remember coming to only to see River. I had no idea where I was, only that I was in pain. She brought me back to the TARDIS and the two of us did our usual banter, she left, I picked you up, we went to Venice,” the Doctor explained.

“And what about these memories? What has been triggering them?” Rory asked.

“Different things, sometimes its phrases, like pieces of a conversation I’ve already had. Or it’s reaching for something or looking somewhere where there is nothing, but that I feel something should be. It’s hard to explain.”

“Maybe this mystery person was erased like Rory was? I couldn’t remember him, but nothing he did changed. The timeline just adjusted. Maybe we can’t remember because we are humans, but they aren’t completely erased from you because you are a timelord?” Amy suggested.

“Amy, the crack in your wall was an anomaly something like that was a one time thing. This is different.”

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a different anomaly. Come on Doctor, even with all of the places and things that you have seen or heard of, surely it is possible that this is something similar,” Rory added.

“Even if you’re right, that doesn’t help. I don’t know where the anomaly was, when the anomaly was. And Amy was barely able to bring Rory back, so....” the Doctor’s face fell as he realized how hopeless the situation was.

“So it looks like we need to find River,” Rory interrupted.

“She’s the only one who can fill in the blanks of what happened that day. Maybe we can go back to that planet and find something or someone who knows something. We can’t give up on this without at least trying. You owe yourself that much,” she reasoned.

The Doctor sat there for a moment thinking everything over. Maybe, just maybe this could work. He had come out against worse odds in the past. It was at least worth a shot. He jumped up and spun around smile reappearing on his face as he readjusted his bowtie, “Off to see Professor River Song!”

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#doctor who #doctor who imagines #doctor who imagine #doctor who x reader #doctor who x you #eleven #eleventh doctor #eleventh doctor x reader #eleventh doctor imagine #eleventh doctor imagines #11th Doctor #11th doctor who #11th doctor x reader #11th doctor imagines #DW fanfic #dw imagines #dw imagine #dw

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lazydoodlesandfanfic · 5 years

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Jealousy in a Timelord (11th Doctor X Fem!Timelord!Reader)

Characters: 11th Doctor X Fem!Timelord!Reader

Universe: Doctor Who

Warnings: Injury, technically there’s death and I think I only swore once.

Request: Could I request a doctor who one where the reader is a Time Lord too, and she's the doctors wife (instead of river) and she gets jealous when river starts to join her and the 11th doctor and Amy and Rory on the tardis and then she starts to distance herself, refusing to go on adventures with them, instead staying on her own in the tardis and then something sneaks onto the tardis and attacks her maybe and there's angst and fluff where she explains her worries to the doctor and he reassures her.

“I’m taking Amy, Rory and River to Reloxus, want to come along?” He’d asked you. You’d heard something along the lines several times these past few weeks. They followed the same path- Taking Amy, Rory and River to a planet to see something beautiful- something you loved, and asking you to join in. So far, you’d said no- you’d come up with excuses. At first you had good ones, like “My heel still feels sore from the last trip” “Remember the last time we were here? They wanted me dead, you’ve got a new face, it’s best I stay here.” But over time they became worse and worse to “I want to clean the library.” “I’m tired.” and today’s excuse:

“I’ll finish this book then I’ll catch up, alright, I’m nearly done.” You assured him. Your hearts ached seeing his sad smile, and he left you be. You frowned as soon as he was gone, feeling guilty. Reloxus. God, you had so many amazing memories there with the doctor. Your doctor. Your husband, mind you. The first time there you both had different faces, and it was where you’d been reunited after the Time War. You thought you’d lost each other, but you’d managed to escape the planet mere seconds before it became no more. You thought you were alone, and your TARDIS that had barely survived had crashed on Reloxus. You’d presumed it dead immediately and left to try and scavenge some life, unaware it had sent an SOS out to any other TARDIS out there before dying. He was a year late, but the second you saw him, you knew it was him and you were just grateful to have him.

You wanted to go with him, holding his hand so tight and see what was the same since you were last there and so what had changed, but there was a problem. You didn’t like to admit it, but part of you was quite Jealous. Not of Amy, never Amy. You and her got along like a house on fire, driving your husbands up the wall with worry. It was River. You wish you could see her as the daughter of your friends, the little baby they held once and smother her with love… but she wasn’t looking for that, she had her eyes set on your husband, and had done a while. You’d lost track of how many times she’d look you up and down after running into you again, and while you always tried to be kind to her, she barely spoke to you, much preferring to nudge right up to the doctor and flirt with him. Amy and Rory had scolded her several times on your behalf, and your Doctor, in all his glory, was oblivious to the fact that she was flirting with him. This new face of his was pretty naive when it came to women- most times either accidentally making them love him and kiss him, or piss them off. You were no stranger to this- it took him six weeks for him to realise that the flowers you’d been bringing into the TARDIS and placing on the drawers in your room was him- only after he actually went up to examine them and saw the short love letter you’d tied to one of the flowers. Despite his naivety, you still loved him dearly and when an accident did occur with another woman, he was always quick to come to you and tell you exactly what happened, wide eyed and looking like he was in shock. Most times you were there and was aware that he had no idea that he was ‘leading them on’.

You wondered if River was just another one of those women, but one that either hadn’t gotten the message or didn’t care. She knew he was married. She knew you was his wife. You were a timelord like him, you’d been together for hundreds of years, he loved telling stories about your time travelling together to them, but she still insisted on the innuendos and so forth and at this point you felt she was doing it on purpose. You didn’t want to start a fight. Not with Amy, not with Rory, not with River and definitely not with your husband. Amy and Rory had apologised to you so many times on her behalf you’d just shrug them off and tell them it’s fine, though it was hurting you. You’d reached a point where you’d hope that if you ignored it and just let it ride out it would reach a conclusion. Either she made one comment too clear or even kissed him and he told her to stop it and become aware of it, or Amy and Rory would tell their daughter to stop trying it on with a married man, or tell the doctor to be more aware… or he chose her. Leave you behind or something… the idea absolutely broke your hearts. You didn’t want to lose your doctor, the man you loved with all your hearts, and had loved for hundreds of years, who you’d sworn to love and protect unconditionally, and the last person in the world who could really know you.

It had been silent in the TARDIS for a while and you persisted on reading that book till the tears in your eyes blurred your sight and the book was damp. You dismissed it, getting up and deciding a walk around to clear your head would do good- decide what would be a sensible cause of action now. The TARDIS would sing to you in an attempt to not make you feel alone and to remind you that you could talk to her. It was funny really. You was his wife, but the TARDIS was always a sort of second love to him- he called her sexy after all, though you felt no jealousy over her. She was beautiful, and she chose your side over his any day, most times just to spite him- especially when she could actually speak in her human form. You could still remember the look on your husband’s face when you and the TARDIS met and you had your own flirting session with her, in memory of all the times of you chatting up the TARDIS and her hums back just to make your husband roll his eyes. Your conversations these past few weeks were asking questions she couldn’t answer.

“What should I do?” You asked, stopping to lean against the wall, looking up. She made a noise, her way of saying ‘as if I know’. You sighed, considering just sitting on the floor and flipping coins till you reached a decision or just have a meltdown to get it out your system- until the TARDIS made a specific noise. A noise you only heard when she was in danger. When her passengers were in danger. When you were in danger. You got off the walls, looking down the hallways, remaining quiet. You took careful, quiet steps down the hallways, aiming for your bedroom, knowing that it was just a few hallways away and you could lock yourself in it.

It was when you were getting nearer could you hear several footsteps and orders being given. You decided it was now or never, and made a rush to your room. You turned at the corner, skidding when your feet stopped and you saw a familiar species of alien in their army attire. The small group noticed you immediately and you raised your hands. “Hello! It’s Y/N, I lived on your planet for a year- ran that little shop for a while- remember?” You asked, hoping they’d remember you. You’d left on good terms and the other times you visited, they always welcomed you back. Why were they invading the TARDIS? They knew what it was and who it belonged to. You saw some of them look at each other, before they raised their weapons. “Please… don’t do this.”

“We’re under a new ruler. No humans.” One answered you.

“No-no-no, I’m not human! Timelord, two hearts, I just look it!” You explained quickly, though they didn’t seem phased. They population of the planet was small due to a previous illness that wiped most of them out and they had a problem with reproduction, so they were a bit behind with communications with other planets. Enough that when you lived there, they hardly believed your story of you being an alien and not human. You knew there was no point trying to convince them now, as you quickly turned and booked it. They fired, the shots hitting the wall, making you duck, and you started to sprint down the hallways.

God, what had happened to the others? Amy, Rory and River, they were human, and the Doctor looked it as well- what if they’d already been killed? What if they were dead and you were now the actual last time lord? And you never got to resolve the problem with River? Did your husband die worrying or even thinking about you? You needed to know. You needed to see them, dead or alive, you just needed to know their fate. You started taking a longer way around to the main console, and from there you could probably section off the aliens so they were no longer a problem or they’d get lost, and then you’d make a dash out just to see.

You were silently cursing the TARDIS for having such smooth floors that made them usually fun to slide around when bored, but when you’re running for your life from aliens shooting at you it made it that much harder. They were keeping up for the most part, able to see you as you turned each corner so they knew where you were going. Eventually though you reached the console room, and was quick to go around it, knowing you had no time to send them to another part of the ship, and instead made a dash to the door. You swung it open, running out, being met with more guards and… “Y/N!” The doctor screamed, fighting against the soldiers that held him back. You froze, seeing them all being held back. Amy, Rory… even River all looked scared and horrified. A shot rang out, and soon they were all screaming, River included. Everything seemed to slow down as you realised your knees were hitting the ground and your hand flew out to catch you… what about your other hand? Why was it clutching your stomach? You looked down, seeing the blood trickling into the dry soil of the planet. The pain set it. You’d been shot. “Y/N!” Your husband’s voice came through. “Let go of me! She’s my wife- let go of me!” He wasn’t screaming, he was roaring. They either listened or he got through, as soon he had his arm around you, sitting you back and against him, putting his own pressure against the wound as well. You looked around, identifying the aliens on board had come out, and the one smoking gun informed you they were the shooter, and probably shot you from behind, and it had gone all the way through. Laser guns, a lot more effective than bullets that usually got stuck in the body.

“Y/N, hey, look at me.” The doctor asked you in a soft voice, using one of his hands to tilt your head up to look at him. His eyes were already red, tears streaming down his face. You took in his expression, using your free hand to put it on his face.

“Hey… You’re okay?... I thought they’d…. I thought they’d gotten you.” You told him, your voice quiet but… calm. “You had me worried, thought I was alone again.”

“No- you can’t get rid of me that easily… and we’re not gonna be alone, we've got each other right? You can’t leave me alone, it’s just us.” He was begging. You couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re being a drama queen, my love.” You told him.

“Y/N, you’ve been shot, you’re dying.” Rory had spoken up. You glanced over, seeing that the guards had stepped back, letting them go and they came and knelt down beside you, even River who looked… rather upset.Guilty. Amy was crying her eyes out, and Rory looked distraught, not sure if his nursing degree could even help. You chuckled.

“Oh shush… I’ll be fine… won’t I dear?” You asked, looking back at your husband. You almost laughed when you saw it finally click. “Did you really forget? You’re not the only one who knows how to cheat death. Help me up.” You requested, Reaching out for an extra hand, one that Rory gave as he helped you up. The doctor let go, pulling Rory along, before he also grabbed River and Amy and forced them all down. You stood, with some power in your legs again. Amy had tried to get up again when she saw you sway, but River pulled her back down. You looked up at the soldiers, noticing one particular member wasn’t dressed the same. Judging by his attire and what you remember of the previous ruler… “Remember when I said I wasn’t human? I was telling the truth you know.” You announced. You could feel the tingling in your fingers, and looking down at your hands, though one was covered in blood, you could see the gentle glow started to emit. They took a step back at the sight. “I’m a Timelord. The second to last one, and we have a way of cheating death, called regeneration. Want a live performance?” You asked, as the glow got brighter and brighter. You broke into a smile, before your arms shot out, your head looking up, and the burning started.

You felt your body change, every cell burning away and being replaced, and it was more painful than you remembered it being last time, though that was quite a while ago now. You screamed and screamed, hearing your voice changed before it came to a halt. Your arms lowered, your head looking forward again. The soldiers had ran for their lives, and the ruler was on the floor, gaping up at you. You took a deep breath in, filling your new lungs with air and breathing out, before looking down at your friends making sure they were alright. They’re curled up, though as soon as it finished they were peaking up at you, and the Doctor was at his feet, coming to hug you tightly. “Let’s get you in the TARDIS before the coma kicks in.” He whispered in your ear. Ah yes, you’d forgotten about that. “Come on everyone, let's get a move on!” The doctor announced. Amy, Rory and River got up and rushed on board, the doctor keeping an arm around you as you walked in, closing the door behind you. “River, get us off the planet, maybe back on Earth.” The doctor requested, and River silently nodded, starting to flip switches. Amy and Rory came to you, and you smiled.

“How do I look?” You asked them.

“Um… different.” Rory answered awkwardly. “You’re… still-”

“Yes, I’m still Y/N. New face, new body, but still me. My personality might change as well, but I’m still me. You could have met his previous generations. The last one was skinny as anything, I remember Donna once saying-”

“Alright, come on, we can discuss later, let's get you to bed.” The Doctor ordered, pushing you along down the hallways. When you were alone, he finally spoke again. “You okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine for now, can’t wait to see what this new body has prepared for me.” You answered. You turned to look at him. “Am I pretty?” You asked. He couldn’t help but smile down at you.

“Still as beautiful as I remember… you’ve been kind of distant recently, you sure you’re alright?” He asked, as you came to your room, opening the door. You went inside, plopping on the bed and sighed. You could feel this new bodies change in personality on you right now. You felt more...brave, confident in a way, maybe even more confrontational, less scared of it anyway.

“You do know River’s been blatantly flirting with you since she came to join us for a while?” You asked. The doctor's eyes widened. It had gotten to the point where if you said someone was flirting, your husband never doubted it since you could actually read it while he couldn’t. “Like, blatantly, even when I’ve been there. Amy and Rory have told her off for it and had to apologise to me and… well, I was getting a little jealous. I hoped if I was away from it, it would just go away or you’d realise, or she’d realise how bad it is and stopped. I think after today she got the message though and… I think if she did try it again in this new body of mine I’d have no problem telling her off.” You explained, swinging your legs up, and pulling the covers over you.

“That’s new, usually I’m the jealous one.” The doctor joked lightly, coming to sit on the bedside. “I’ll sort it out… want anything when you wake up?” He asked. Your eyes started to close, feeling the immense tiredness start to take over.

“...Fish fingers and custard still sounds nice.” You mumbled, hearing him chuckle before you were out.

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

TAGS: @holy-tea-cup @ari-maximoff @courtneychicken @graysonmalfoy @bellero @captain-peanut-at-your-service @likiyoshi-lijie @aesthetjic @originalpottervengerlock @supernatural-pan @esoltis280 @lena-stan-xavier @lady-of-lies @sebstanismylife @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980 @kleptomollyiac @cdwmtjb8 @caswinchester2000 @determinedpines

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tillthenexttimedoctor · 6 years

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The Character Development of River Song

The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon

The story of River Song twists and turns as it runs through time and space. It forces its way through the harsh landscape of her beginnings, bends around the Doctor, until one day, it will meet its end at the Library. A worn book in the biography section, incomparable memories saved on the biggest hard drive in the universe. Arguably, some answers may only be found – or, indeed, questions may only be asked – if we try to follow River’s path in its actual order for once.

Hence, I will resurrect a series which began with Let’s Kill Hitler and has since pursued River’s life through Closing Time, The Wedding of River Song, and A Good Man Goes to War. Until now, River has revealed who she is to her parents and the Doctor, but the next time she encounters them, this knowledge will have already been washed away. The tides of time are merciless.

In The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon*, this is still a new kind of pain and flirtatious smiles can only hide so much. Around her, her past is colliding. An astronaut in a lake, tears running down her face. A child in a suit which swallows her whole, calling for help. It is a punch to the gut, but River Song would never have become River Song if she did not have the strength to bear it.

It is strange to watch The Impossible Astronaut with the awareness of how much River knows. An invitation to Utah does not pose a mystery for her and never holds the promise of a carefree family outing. Even if she truly forgot what she went through on the beach of Lake Silencio, she would be able to recite the historical facts by heart. “Some say this is when the Doctor dies.” The time and place are noted in pencil in her diary. They likely grace the pages of her PhD dissertation. And they would have been mentioned in her sentencing, for the supposed crime she committed there.

River knows what fate awaits the Doctor when he gets up to walk towards the lake. (Herself. A certain death. Maybe a clever escape?) When she fires at her own receding figure, she knows she will not hit her target. For a younger River, seeing herself might be a promise of forgiveness. For an older River, it is a cruelty, and so is making her parents witness the Doctor’s death. Amy, sobbing over his body. Rory, with what for River must be a familiar steadfastness, doing what needs to be done to give the Doctor a fire burial. It ends in a well-deserved slap, that will never be able to express the full pain of those moments.

“Now, I love a bad girl, me, but trust you? Seriously.” There is a slap in her face, too. Because however fraught their history, whatever half-truths and secrets lie between the Doctor and her, he was the person who defended her even as she was poisoning him. The moment she chose to give him her regenerations in Let’s Kill Hitler, she gifted him her trust in return. Whatever life has put her through, that trust in him is as much part of her rebellion against her fate as her refusal to kill the Doctor in The Wedding of River Song.

And so River will dive off rooftops without any hesitation, knowing that he will be there. And this Doctor will catch her. But he also doesn’t quite know her yet. There’s a sense of fascination and growing affection that makes it easy to forget occasionally. River can lose herself in the familiarity of flirtation and banter. But her future is haunting her just as much as her past is. Time looms, in all directions.

River’s fears fully rise to the surface in her conversation with Rory. She might have thrown a suggestive comment at the Doctor just moments earlier, but here we see just how strong her trepidation about the future is. She paints a romanticised picture of a young innocent girl instead of the young woman hell-bent on murder, but her future looms ever so truthful. The Doctor has already forgotten who she is. It is only a matter of time before he does not remember her altogether.

There are many turning points in River’s life, with so many crucial decisions. Time never truly stands still. River and the Doctor choose each other, over and over again. Now River’s ghosts have come back to haunt her. Because this is not when her own mother pointed a gun at her, not knowing the suit hides a child, not knowing it is hers. This is not when Melody Pond rescued herself from the Silence. This is not when River Song killed the Doctor. This is not when she refused to do so, all of time stops in its tracks. This is the time she must watch it all happen and that might be the worst of all.

She walks the winding paths of her past, almost to its beginning, to a little lost girl who is already trying to break free from the chains her supposed destiny put her in. “I’m scared of the spaceman,” says the little girl, but she is already in the space suit. It’s likely that another being from space stars in her nightmares and, unknowingly, her cry for help has reached the very person she was made to fear. The Doctor is coming for her. In a race to save a little girl, he cannot know that he might be the monster.

When it comes down to it, The Impossible Austronaut/Day of the Moon is an episode in which the task at hand is not achieved by its heroes. They never save the child. Melody Pond must claw her own way out of the space suit and run away. “She must be incredibly strong,” River observes, looking at the remains of her prison and it’s true in more ways than one. All alone in the word, with magic at her fingertips, Melody Pond will survive and find her parents eventually. It will take many years until she faces her kidnappers on even footing. By then, her name will be River Song.

After being forced to watch her fate unravel for two episodes, the moment they rescue Amy is the first time that history releases its holds on River and allows her to take revenge on those who stole her agency from her. The Silence formed her into a weapon and now her abusers, her owners, find themselves on the other side of her gun. River Song has reclaimed love for herself. She will reclaim kindness and wisdom, too, eventually. But River never tries to hold any claims to morality. Like time itself, she is not a merciful creature. The Silence played with fire and they will burn in it, too.

At the end of this adventure, we are privy to a private moment between River and the Doctor, full of familiarity, for the characters and for us. There is the back and forth with hints of a future, of a past, we have not seen yet, that echoes the goodbyes in Amy’s garden and at the Byzantium. There is also the sense that River has done this many times before, in her knowing smile, in the comfortable way she reaches for the Doctor’s bowtie. We might watch their romance in fragments, but scenes like this hint at the intimacy and love that are written between the lines.

Until River Song kisses the Doctor, just once more, and realises that it is the first. That this could even be the last. However much she has already lost, whatever pain she witnessed in these previous months, River did not even consider that this too would be taken from her so quickly. She knew this Doctor was much younger than the one she had countless adventures with. No Easter Islands for him. No Jim the Fish. But even as she saw his trust erode, she clearly thought she would not lose their relationship so soon. But that, too, might be slipping away from her now. River’s world is breaking apart further.

At the time when the Pandorica opens, she has taken the role of the mystery for granted. At the Byzantium, she has become well-versed in throwing herself into adventure – and, of course, a good deal of flirting – without letting the pain seep through. She will start teasing him about the future ahead, the adventures and revelations still to come for him. That time she is truly scared of, is still much, much farther away. But that too will happen one day.

This meta was started on November 13, 2016 and completed for Moffat Appreciation Day 2018.

*I’ve seen different version of River’s timeline and I think some switch this two-parter with The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang. This is the one I like best though.

Other parts in this series:

Part 1 - Let’s Kill Hitler

Part 2 - Closing Time

Part 3 - The Wedding of River Song

Part 4 - A Good Man Goes to War

#dwedit #moffat appreciation day #river song #riveralwaysknew #dw meta #alex kingston #doctor who meta

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markusstraya · 6 years

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Slow You Down

MASTERLIST | Support Me!

Pairing(s): 11th!Doctor x Insecure!Reader, Amy Pond x Rory Williams, Amy Pond x 11th!Doctor (Platonic)

Warning(s): Lying, Injury, Not sure what else

Word Count: 1296

Summary: One of your old injuries returns, and you’ll do everything to keep the Doctor from finding out. It’s not until you meet a certain Amy Pond, that you admit, out loud, how you feel.

Request(s): Anon -> Hi could you maybe do a 11dr x shy reader maybe the reader is really shy and insecure bc they have a limp/walking disability and thinks they’re ugly and unlovable and a burden and somehow the dr finds out and gets all protective and proves them wrong and it’s just really fluffy I could really use something like that thanks anyway Xx

Authors Note: So this took a while to write. I’m sorry. I really am. I was telling myself to get it done ages ago, but I just lost interest, and writers' block hit not long after. It wasn't until yesterday when I went to a family friends’ book signing, and I listened to her inspiring speech, that I realized I could do this. So here it is. I’ll be attempting to write out as many requested fics as possible today, with my goal to have started all of them.

Please remember that this is my first time writing for Doctor Who, so bear with me. I’ll also like to accept any constructive criticism! Let me know if you want to be tagged in anything!

It had been another successful adventure to another random planet with the Doctor. Thankfully, you didn’t have to run as much this time, as hiding your limp had become more and more difficult due to the rigorous exercise you both participated in on the daily. As you walked through the TARDIS doors the Doctor races in front of you, and you smile, watching him dash around the control panels. He flicked switches and pressed buttons in a silent race against himself. Silently, you chuckled. You always loved to watch how he would hurriedly run around like a mad man, even though he was, as he tried to fly the TARDIS by himself. Suddenly, the TARDIS rocked, which knocked you off your feet. Your arm darted out to grasp onto something, anything. You’d managed to grab onto the cold railing, which you’d meant to do before the Doctor had sent the TARDIS into motion. Before you knew it, the ship stabalised, all movement ceasing. You let out a shaky breath, hoping that the sudden movement didn’t cause your injury to flare up.

“(Y/N)?” You could see the Doctor looking worried as he searched for you. You raised your hand, as you began to sit yourself up. “Oh, there you are! Are you alright?” You nod while he grasps your small hand in his large one, as he helped you back to your feet.

“Thanks.” You thought your leg was fine, but as you take a step forward, you can only to pull it off the ground as you hissed in pain. Great. It just had to get worse. You could hear the Doctor walk towards you again, a concerned look on his face. His green eyes scanned you as his hands grasped your upper arms. “What’s wrong? (Y/N), are you sure you’re okay?” You sighed as you shake your head. Your brain searches for the easiest way to tell him what happened all those years ago, but you blame it on your fall. “I must have hurt it when I fell. It was-it was fine before.” Not a complete lie, but not the whole truth either. He raised a brow at my theory but accepted it anyway. I knew it was only a matter of time before he figured it out.

“Well, in the meantime, I propose that we go see some old friends of mine.” Now it was your turn to question his antics. As he noticed your look of confusion, he exclaimed, “We’re going to visit the Pond’s!”

Your arm wrapped around his shoulders, as he helped you out of the TARDIS leading you to the house ahead. You’ve never admitted it to yourself before, but you loved being this close to him. You swore you could feel a cluster of butterflies as they flapped their wings in your chest. You were just being ridiculous. A 900 plus-year-old alien falling for you? Nonsense! You couldn’t even attract any human men, let alone a Time-Lord. Still, one could hope.

The door ahead had swung open, the force had it swung into the wall, as two figures ran out. A man and a woman. The Pond’s, you supposed. “Doctor! Doctor, you’re back!” The woman shouted in her unmistakable Scottish accent as she shoved me out of the way to give him the biggest hug you’ve ever seen. The man, who had initially run out with her, had grabbed you in time, holding you steady as you recovered, smiling apologetically. “Ah, yes,” The Doctor’s voice had everyone’s attention focused on him, “Amy, Rory, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), this is Amy and Rory…the Pond’s!” You smiled as best as you could through the pain that began to shoot up your leg, as you waved slightly.

The pair led you both back to the house as the Doctor had moved back his previous position as he helped you to walk. “So, what’s the story with you two showing up out of nowhere? I mean, you,” She pointed to the Doctor, “Haven’t visited in three years.” You could see how uncomfortable he looked. He always hated to have to come back into the lives of those he traveled with, you knew that. Nervously, he focused on straightening his bow tie, obviously lost in thought about how to answer, when you spoke instead.

“I’d injured myself on the TARDIS after it had one of its weird episodes, so the Doctor thought that it would be a clever idea to have a short break and come visit you two.” You glanced over at him and gave him a wink. I’ve got your back. Rory had decided to busy himself with other, more important things, as he excused himself from the room, whilst his wife just stood and looked between us. “How bad is the injury?”

“Not bad, I just hurt my-“

“She hurt her leg pretty bad. She hasn’t been able to put any pressure on it. I’ve had to help her walk around.” Just spill the beans, why don’t ya? Her head turned to face me, her eyes scanned my legs as though she could see through my initial lie of it is because of the TARDIS. She gestured for us to head into, what I assumed, was a spare bedroom, where the Doctor helped me sit on the edge of the bed. It was kind of funny to watch him being unsure of what to do. I could tell he wanted to pace, to try and think of a way to help. But I also knew that he wouldn’t be able to.

“Okay, Doctor, I think it’s best if you leave while I see how bad it is. Go to the park or something, we have this covered.” He didn’t look convinced. Looking behind Amy, his eyes caught yours in a silent question. Are you sure you’re going to be alright? You nodded as you put your thumbs up, adding a smile for reassurance. He turned to walk out the door, before he again made sure that you were fine, only leaving with a promise to be back shortly. You shook your head at his antics.

“So, you going to tell me what the issue with this leg is?” Sighing, you patted the spot next to you, beginning your tale as Amy sat down and comforted you.

It had taken you a total of thirty minutes to re-tell the story and answer Amy’s questions, although you had to admit, it was nice to have it off your chest. She’d left shortly after having comforted you, saying something about cooking dinner for the four of you. You lay on the bed, eyes closed, as you think back to what she’d said about telling the Doctor when the door creaks open. “You could have told me, you know?” You sit up in panic, eyes locked onto the Doctor’s as he steps forward.

“And you could have minded your own business.”

The room went silent, as you both considered the others’ words. He fiddled with his tie, before he sat on the edge of the quilt-covered mattress, lost for words. You sighed as you take a deep breath, and start again.

“I’m sorry for not telling you, I just…” he looks up at you, hands coming to rest at his sides, “I just don’t want to feel like a burden.”

Eyes widening in shock, he leans forward and grasps your hands. “You, my dear (Y/N), will never be a burden. You understand?” Shaking your head, he gathers you in his arms, hugging you tightly. “You’re the only one who understands what being different is like, you know? We’re all different. Some of us more than others, and that is a good thing. You are a good thing.”

Tag List (Forever):

@theonegirlunderyourbed @jemjem-chan @reading-in-moonlight

Apologies if tags don’t work!

#markusstraya #Slow You Down #doctor who #11th doctor #11th doctor x reader #request #fanfiction

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tardisgirlepic · 7 years

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Ch. 3: “The Eaters of Light” Analysis Doctor Who S10.10: Growing Up, Love & Separation, the Doctor’s Fall

<- Read previous chapter

Growing Up as a Theme

One of the themes of “The Eaters of Light” was about growing up, which can be tied to the cowardice theme from last week’s episode, “The Empress of Mars.” Growing up can be metaphorical or literal.

Coming of age, facing fears, taking responsibility have all been part of the growing up theme. In “The Eaters of Light,” we have Roman soldiers who are no older than 18 years. The Picts were children, too. Where were all the adults? While 2nd century Roman Britain had different standards of age and fighting in wars, I’ll apply the coming of age, facing fears, and taking responsibility to them.

Last week, we had Colonel Godsacre stepping up and facing his fear of leadership to take responsibility.

“Amy’s Choice”

Amy and Rory had an interesting conversation in “Amy’s Choice.” Rory, Amy, and the Doctor are dealing with the Dream Lord and the dream in the TARDIS. However, Rory wants the life where they are settled and have a baby. He was happy in the dream where he was a doctor and Amy was pregnant, but she wasn’t. Rory’s feeling insecure that Amy wants to stay with the Doctor in the TARDIS.

RORY: You ran off with another man. AMY: Not in that way. RORY: It was the night before our wedding. AMY: We're in a time machine. It can be the night before our wedding for as long as we want. RORY: We have to grow up eventually. AMY: Says who?

I did not expect Amy’s answer about growing up.

“Human Nature” & “The Family of Blood”

The 10th Doctor, playing the 24th turned himself human to hide, and now he doesn’t want to go back to being a Time Lord. At the end of “The Family of Blood,” the Doctor wants to give the beings who are after him the watch with his Time Lord consciousness, so he can remain human:

DOCTOR: I should have thought of it before. I can give them this. Just the watch. Then they can leave and I can stay as I am. MARTHA: You can't do that!

DOCTOR: If they want the Doctor, they can have him.

MARTHA: He'll never let you do it.

DOCTOR: If they get what they want, then, then

JOAN: Then it all ends in destruction. I never read to the end, but those creatures would live forever to breed and conquer, for war across the stars for every child. Martha, Timothy, would you leave us alone, please?

(Martha and Latimer leave. Joan hugs a sobbing Doctor. The bombardment on the village continues as Martha and Latimer sit outside, then she hugs him.)

JOAN: If I could do this instead of you, then I would. I'd hoped. But my hopes aren't important.

DOCTOR: He won't love you.

The Doctor wants to stay human, so he can love Joan, marry, and have a family. This suggests the 12th Doctor is having this problem. In fact, in the Doctor’s living quarters, there is a bowl of apples (yellow arrow) and a snake (white arrow) in the background, showing the temptations of the Doctor as a human in the Garden of End metaphor. The Roman crosses represent the 12th Doctor or multiple, thereof. The human is the imposter and must fall. And that foreshadows what is coming.

The 12th Doctor

Missy and the Master are examples of what the Doctor can become, and with the mirrors, that’s a scary thought. The Doctor needs to face his fear of himself, which resulted in his memory wipe.

The 1st Doctor & Susan

Susan represents a coming of age. She was becoming a young woman and developed a relationship with David Campbell. Wanting to see her have a normal life, the 1st Doctor left her with David in the 22nd century with a promise.

DOCTOR: Believe me, my dear, your future lies with David, and not with a silly old buffer like me. One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine. Goodbye, Susan, goodbye, my dear.

Love & Separation as a Theme

Love and separation come up in “The Eaters of Light” with Kar leaving her brother behind to guard the gateway to another dimension and fight the Eaters of Light. However, love and separation has been a theme for a long time. There’s Rose with the 9th Doctor and then the 10th. Sarah Jane, too, complained to the 10th Doctor, how he as the 4th Doctor just dropped her off in Aberdeen and never came back.

Regarding River, we first heard about her feeling of separation back in “The Name of the Doctor.” Of course, there is THORS, TRODM, and the 12th Doctor losing both Clara and River. Season 10 is no exception. Not only is Clara’s absence still a problem, but Bill, too, lost Heather, and then there’s Penny.

There’s also the open question of Bill’s mother.

And there are other examples.

We saw above how love and separation goes all the way back to the 1st Doctor and Susan. I’m betting with the theme coming up so much that we will see her, either in the finale or the Christmas Special. This seems like such a great family-oriented reunion, which would be fantastic for Christmas.

I especially believe this theme will come up in the finale and maybe Christmas special because Kar and Ban aren’t the only references in the episode to love and separation. There are several important external allusions, which lead to the expulsion from paradise.

The Opening: Visions of Outlander with Its Doctor Who Connection

The opening of “The Eaters of Light” seems so similar to the series Outlander, where Claire goes to Scotland and encounters ancient Celtic, stone monuments, called standing stones that broadcast sound, reminiscent of the Celtic music we hear in “The Eaters of Light.”

If you are not familiar with Outlander, it’s a series of novels that has been turned into a British-American TV series. While I watch the TV series, I’ve only read the 1st novel. Wikipedia says of the novels:

Outlander (published in the United Kingdom as Cross Stitch) is the first in a series of eight historical multi-genre novels by Diana Gabaldon. Published in 1991, it focuses on the Second World War-era nurse Claire Randall, who travels through time to 18th century Scotland and finds adventure and romance with the dashing Jamie Fraser.

From the beginning of the plot summary:

In 1946, after working apart during the Second World War, British Army nurse Claire Randall and her husband Frank, a history professor, go on a second honeymoon to Inverness, Scotland. Frank conducts research into his family history and Claire goes plant-gathering near standing stones on the hill of Craigh na Dun. She faints when investigating a buzzing noise near the stones; upon waking, she encounters Frank's ancestor, Captain Jack Randall.

When Claire, an Englishwoman, investigates the buzzing noise, she touches one of the ancient Celtic stones and gets transported back to Scotland in 1743. She finds herself in the middle of a skirmish between rebel Scottish Highlanders and Redcoats.

After various events and several hardships, she marries Jamie. While she still wears Frank’s ring on one hand, maintaining hopes of getting back to him, she wears Jamie’s on the other. Because Frank’s ancestor the captain was a rapist and sadist, who treated the Scots as sub-humans, it does color Claire’s situation. Encountering the captain on several occasions, she witnessed his behavior first hand. Jamie has had several encounters, too, some showing the captain in a most sadistic light.

Claire embraces most of the Scottish culture and comes to see the British as occupiers, another form of usurpation. At one point, we did see her back in the present with a daughter by Jamie. So Claire is living in 2 worlds. She loves both men, but love has split them apart.

Gabaldon really liked DW’s 2nd Doctor companion Jamie Frasier, so she named her romantic lead character after him. Doing extensive historical research for the series, she has become a noted expert on 18th century Scotland. Her novels center on the time period of British occupation of Scottish lands, along with the skirmishes and events leading up to the 1745 Jacobite Rebellion. Outlander gives us another usurpation reference, too.

According to HistoryExtra.com:

The 1745 Jacobite Rebellion was a turning point in British history. Believing the British throne to be his birthright, Charles Edward Stuart, aka ‘Bonnie Prince Charlie’, planned to invade Great Britain along with his Jacobite followers and remove the Hanoverian ‘usurper’ George II. Yet, argues Dr Jacqueline Riding, the reality of the ’45 continues to be obscured by fiction and fables.

…

In June 1745, Charles Edward Stuart (b1720) had one key aim: regaining the thrones his grandfather, the Roman Catholic convert James VII of Scotland and II of England and Ireland, had lost in 1688–90 to his nephew and son-in-law William of Orange (who reigned as William III). This ‘glorious’ revolution had confirmed a Protestant succession, in a predominantly Protestant Great Britain, which, from 1714, was embodied in the Hanoverian dynasty.

The term “usurper” depends on which side of the rebellion one is on. The English called Charles “The Young Pretender.” The problem comes back to religion, the English Reformation, and Henry VIII’s break with the Catholic Church.

Clearly, there is a theme of love and separation, as well as occupation, in both “The Eaters of Light” and in Outlander.

In fact, Kar pours out her heart out about the usurpation by the Romans, which in some sense reminds me of River in THORS:

KAR: Let me tell you about the Romans. They are the robbers of this world. When they've thieved everything on land, they'll rob the sea. If their enemies are rich, they'll take all they have. If their enemies are poor, they'll make slaves of them. Their work is robbery, slaughter, plunder. They do this work and they call it empire. They make deserts and they call it peace.

The Doctor, having both Roman and Scottish connections, gets another ear full. Clearly, the usurpation applies but most likely the 2 worlds for the Doctor are represented by the 10th Doctor’s dilemma of human vs. being a Time Lord.

We saw the dilemma with Bill and Heather no longer being human.

The Subtle Knife

When I watched “The Eaters of Light” with my daughter, she mentioned that it seemed similar to The Subtle Knife, a young-adult fantasy novel, written by British author Philip Pullman and published in 1997. I’ve never read the book, or any of the 3 books in Pullman’s series His Dark Materials. However, from what my daughter said, “The Eaters of Light” referenced it, so I checked it out.

It’s much like the Outlander series in that someone jumps into a portal and enters a different world, so to speak. According to Wikipedia, in the second novel in the series:

Twelve-year-old Will Parry cares for his mentally ill mother in Oxford. When he accidentally kills an intruder, he runs away and discovers a portal to a parallel universe. In the seemingly deserted city of Cittàgazze, he encounters 12-year-old Lyra Silvertongue and her dæmon Pantalaimon, who arrived via a bridge in the sky created by her father, Lord Asriel.

The editorial review on Amazon says

As the novel opens, Will's enemies will do anything for information about his missing father, a soldier and Arctic explorer who has been very much airbrushed from the official picture. Now Will must get his mother into safe seclusion and make his way toward Oxford, which may hold the key to John Parry's disappearance. But en route and on the lam from both the police and his family's tormentors, he comes upon a cat with more than a mouse on her mind: "She reached out a paw to pat something in the air in front of her, something quite invisible to Will." What seems to him a patch of everyday Oxford conceals far more: "The cat stepped forward and vanished." Will, too, scrambles through and into another oddly deserted landscape--one in which children rule and adults (and felines) are very much at risk. Here in this deathly silent city by the sea, he will soon have a dustup with a fierce, flinty little girl: "Her expression was a mixture of the very young--when she first tasted the cola--and a kind of deep, sad wariness." Soon Will and Lyra (and, of course, her dæmon, Pantalaimon) uneasily embark on a great adventure and head into greater tragedy.

Will and Lyra are forced to retrieve a special knife that has the ability to cut into other worlds and through any material. So here’s another reference to a doorway and a world ruled by children, like we saw in “The Eaters of Light.” Will and Lyra fall in love, but staying in a parallel universe that isn’t their own threatens the destruction of that universe. So Will can’t stay in the end.

This sounds similar to what happened with Bill and Heather at the end of “The Pilot.” And the song from the episode “Love Will Tear Us Apart” seems highly appropriate.

Will’s father being a soldier and explorer may give us some information about the Doctor, but not having read the series, I’m going to leave it at this. If you’ve read the book and have some ideas, let me know.

The Doctor’s Fall: Paradise Lost & His Dark Materials

Pullman took the title of the series, His Dark Materials, from English poet John Milton’s epic poem, Paradise Lost, first published in 1667. According to Wikipedia:

The poem concerns the biblical story of the Fall of Man: the temptation of Adam and Eve by the fallen angel Satan and their expulsion from the Garden of Eden. Milton's purpose, stated in Book I, is to "justify the ways of God to men."

Pullman’s series, from what I gather, is a reimagining of Paradise Lost for teenagers. In fact, His Dark Materials comes from Paradise Lost, along with the title of his first book of the series, The Golden Compass.

The continuing theme of expulsion from paradise, which we’ve seen multiple times in Season 10 regarding the Doctor, is foreshadowing the Doctor’s fall.

Anyway, His Dark Materials is a really interesting phrase, especially since we saw the record label in “The Pilot” that the Doctor had is a famous trademark: His Master’s Voice, shown below.

Tip: When 2 pieces of subtext sound similar, especially with odd spellings or phrasing, they may very well be related. This is an exception to our rule requiring 3 occurrences to make a pattern.

I didn’t have time in “The Pilot” analysis to explain more about the label because it’s part of a complicated set of metaphors. The metaphors were very relevant to the “Smile” analysis, so I explained more about the label there. Long story short, it leads to the parody of the painting The Creation of the World and the Expulsion from Paradise.

Since this all lines up in various ways, I have no doubt my daughter is right about The Subtle Knife connection to “The Eaters of Light.” There’s much more that connects that we’ll examine below.

The Fallen Angel Theme & the Legend of the Blue Box

I’ve wanted to talk about the fallen angel theme for a long time, but I haven’t because of time. However, I need to now, especially because this comes up in multiple ways in “The Eaters of Light.” And it ties back into several other things we’ve examined. The Vestal Virgin 2nd Class and the angel reference, as well as the demon and sainted physician from the Legend of the Blue Box.

The big reference to Satan in DW is in the 10th Doctor Ood story “The Satan Pit.” However, it’s Satan’s name “Lucifer” that is of interest here. I want to draw a distinction between Satan and Lucifer, which I’ll explain in a few minutes.

The Name Lucifer & DW Characters with Derivative Names

Lucifer literally is "the morning star, bearer of light," derived from luc-, lux "light" and -fer "bearing."

According to Merriam Webster’s Word Central,

What we sometimes call "the morning star" is really the planet Venus. The Romans called it Lucifer, meaning "bearer of light," because it appeared in the sky just before sunrise. So when, in the Old Testament, the prophet Isaiah says, in describing the downfall of the king of Babylon, "How are you fallen from heaven, O Morning Star, son of dawn," the "Morning Star" became Lucifer in the Latin translation. Early Christians thought that Isaiah was also referring to the devil, who had likewise "fallen from heaven." Thus the word Lucifer came to be applied to the devil.

Lucifer was not always seen as the devil. In fact, according to Wikipedia, 2 bishops of the early Christian Church bore the name Lucifer. It goes on to say

In Latin, the word is applied to John the Baptist and is used as a title of Jesus himself in several early Christian hymns. The morning hymn Lucis largitor splendide of Hilary contains the line: "Tu verus mundi lucifer" (you are the true light bringer of the world).

In fact, it’s only later that Lucifer came to be used as a proper name:

Later Christian tradition came to use the Latin word for "morning star," lucifer, as a proper name ("Lucifer") for the devil; as he was before his fall. As a result, "'Lucifer' has become a by-word for Satan / the Devil in the church and in popular literature", as in Dante Alighieri's Inferno, Joost van den Vondel's Lucifer and John Milton's Paradise Lost. However, the Latin word never came to be used almost exclusively, as in English, in this way, and was applied to others also, including Jesus. The image of a morning star fallen from the sky is generally believed among scholars to have a parallel in Canaanite mythology.

I’m making a distinction, and I can best show you why with an example. The Doctor going hell bent through the universe and causing its destruction could easily be seen as Satan. However, what if the Doctor is in a universe, like alternate-Donna in “Turn Left,” that needs to die to restore the real universe? He could be seen as Satan in one and a savior in another.

Because DW uses derivative names with the Latin roots luc- and lux, they relate to the name Lucifer. For now, I don’t want to apply judgment of good or evil to these characters. I can’t think of any instance where people with the Latin roots luc- and lux in their names are not also mirrors or dark mirrors of the Doctor.

Here are just a few examples of characters related to Lucifer.

Lucius in “The Eaters of Light” Lucius, for example in “The Eaters of Light,” comes from the Latin root lux and the Latin verb lucere "to shine." So he has a connection to Lucifer. In fact Lucius was also called “Granddad,” which Bill questioned

THRACIUS: Why are you even listening to her, Grandad? LUCIUS: Because no one else is saying anything. We need a plan. A real commander would have a plan. BILL: Why did he call you Grandad? LUCIUS: They always call me Grandad. I'm in command. I'm the oldest one left. BILL: How old are you? LUCIUS: Eighteen.

“Granddad” is a metaphor for the Doctor, so Lucius is a mirror of the Doctor. He is foreshadowing what is going to happen.

He integrates in a way with Kar to stand together to fight the bigger monster, although it’s a losing battle. It’s the Doctor joining his duality together.

“The Fires of Pompeii” & Lucius Petrus Dextrus Lucius Petrus Dextrus was the Chief Augur of Pompeii in 79 AD, shown below, along with Peter Capaldi’s character Lobus Caecilius and his wife Metella. He supported the Cult of Vulcan, who wanted to convert the population of the world into more Pyroviles.

Lucius has the gift of prophecy, so he is a dark mirror of the Doctor.

BTW, I’m not sure if I mentioned a wolf connection regarding Caecilius. Lobus, while meaning lobe, pod, or husk in Latin, is very close to the Spanish word for wolf: lobo.

CAL: Charlotte Abigail Lux, “Silence in the Library” & “Forest of the Dead” We know CAL is a mirror of the Doctor, and her last name tells us this, too. Not only that, but Charlotte Abigail Lux’s father, Felman Lux, built the Library for her. Felman is an interesting name, especially when we are talking about the Fall of Man and the fall of the Doctor.

Strackman Lux was the grandson of Felman Lux, and the person who led River’s expedition into the Library. He said it took 3 generations to figure out how to get into the sealed Library. He represents the 3rd, which corresponds to a triad of Doctors. Strackman, shown below from a TARDIS Wikia image, reminds me of Strax with that suit, and the name is really close.

“The Rebel Flesh” & “The Almost People”

Jennifer Lucas in “The Rebel Flesh” and “The Almost People” has luc- in her name. In fact, Lucas is a cognate of Lucius.

In Conclusion

There is a lot of overlap of themes in this chapter of growing up; taking responsibility, which means getting kicked out of paradise; and falling. I’m hanging onto my hat for the wild ride of how all of this foreshadows the finale.

#doctor who #twelfth doctor #bill potts #nardole #clara oswald #river song #eleventh doctor #amy pond #rory williams #the eaters of light

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raining-v-coffee · 8 years

Text

River Song/11th Doctor One-shot fic recs

*Multichapter ~my notes

River's Thesis

While doing some research, River has a much-needed visitor pop in at half past crazy o'clock in the morning.

Four Times River Isn't At All Surprised, and One Time She Is

The first time he tries to surprise her, he’s foiled by their back-to-front-ish timelines and just the right amount of not paying attention.

the lady is a vamp

As much as River loves any and every version of her husband, she’s grown to dread the adventures when he and Amy barely know her. He’s surly and obstinate and at times, downright resentful. When he’s this young, it’s hard to imagine he ever falls in love with her.

And he realized

~Introspective fic for the Doctor.

I'll teach you how to drive me wild

“This is the first time you’ve been in the TARDIS isn’t it? Since Berlin?” River nodded as he swung off the seat and approached her. “I guess now is as good a time as any.”

“For what?”

He smiled down at her, crooked and teasing, standing beside her and fingering the controls. “To teach you how to fly her.”

it's a crazy world, but at the end of the day, you're still my family

Ficathon prompt 23: Amy and Rory spend time with the Doctor and River not long after the Doctor comes back from pretending to be dead and find it weird seeing just how married the two are

You Can't Carry It With You If You Want to Survive

Melody Pond was born and raised to take the Doctor's life, and now she's saved it -- not only saved it but reversed death with her own regenerations. She can't go back to where she was, but she's not sure that she can go forward. Behind her is Melody and the Silence who have made her into the perfect weapon and are now chasing after her, and in front of her is the mad, impossible Doctor who knows a woman with her face named River Song.

A Fairy Tale Called Gallifrey

spoiler_song Guns and Curls Ficathon prompt: Doctor/River "I speak baby." Doctor talking with their timebaby, please. A little father/daughter bonding time.

Little Talks

"I just never thought I would see the big, bad River Song melt over a baby," he teased.

Family Emergency

The Doctor and River's vows had been short on details, it was true, but Amy thought it was rather implied that you didn’t dump your sick husband on your unsuspecting parents and scarper off in his time machine. Rather obvious spoilers for 6x13.

Secrets

River gets the Doctor drunk... and learns a lot.

Stories, songs, and gallant girls

Even before she knew The Doctor properly, River knew him well, and Donna Noble's story had caught in her mind.

River Song rights a wrong, and finds herself rather charmed in the process. Written for the Hell in Heels ficathon.

~Mostly a River/Donna fic

a gift confers no rights

It had been River he’d turned to though, River he’d stared at with an icy demeanour, River who he lashed out at as he pressed her for details he knew she wouldn’t provide, poked her in places he knew she didn’t like to be poked.

happiness is an allegory

Melody Malone.

Her heart leaps into her throat when she realizes just who Melody Malone is. She has to physically put the book down in order to indulge a brief fit of tears because – because spoilers.

She has never had this adventure with the Doctor.

doctor in distress

If River were to attempt to explain exactly how the TARDIS communicated with her, she would fail every time. It was like a voice – but not a voice, more like a sudden thought that wasn’t her own. But it was because she’d just thought it.

That idiot is in trouble.

Again.

Mine

For the first time in their whole twisted timey-wimey relationship he feels like he’s stumbled on an actual, big, genuine spoiler. Not just a teaser, not just some quip that she could be making up to annoy him or turn him on, but a real, proper, life-changing, future-revealing spoiler. And he can’t handle it. It’s too much, too big, too, too, tooish for him to even consider, so he dives so deep into denial that there’s not enough light to see the surface, let alone the truth.

Professor Song

~A series of fics exploring River’s life after she became a Professor.

The Time Lord's New Clothes

The day River discovers holographic clothing nearly kills him.

Or Not At All

"If we're going to hurt anyway, why don't we hurt together?"

The aftermath of Manhattan. River is determined to hide the damage even if it kills her. And it just might.

Something is going to crumble, she's just not sure if it's going to be her marriage or herself.

And the Waves Sing

Grabbing a nearby dishcloth, River wiped the sticky from her fingers before lifting the curtain and peering out the window. She could instinctively pick out the Doctor’s silhouette in the distance standing with his back to her, head bent to his hands. In front of him stood—River had to squint a bit—was that Amy and Rory? Yes, she decided, it was. They were together, Amy’s hand tucked into the crook of Rory’s arm. Their body language was clear enough. River didn’t have to hear what they were saying to know she was watching a show down between the Doctor and his Ponds. Her only question was why they were here, arguing in her garden at half past ten, Earth time.

If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me

River was ready to die to save him. She'd accepted her fate, and her time would come an end in the Library. Of course, the Doctor always has a plan.

you go your way, i'll go your way too

He’d picked her up nearly a week ago, declaring it the Month of Christmas, and has steadfastly refused to return her to Stormcage until after the 25th.

“That could be any time, sweetie,” she’d reminded him, only to have him grin and tap her nose.

“Exactly.”

a love that even time will lie down and be still for

She would never admit it out loud, but in the safety of her own head, she likes to imagine this strange man exists outside her childish imagination and that one day, when her purpose has been filled, he’ll find her. Or maybe she’ll find him.

The way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it's sent away

Sitting in the backseat and trying desperately not to worry about her husband, Amy does her best to make herself invisible. It isn’t difficult to do considering the other two occupants of the car are too focused on each other to pay her any mind. Missing scene from TATM.

Weighted sorrow in perfect clouds

After the events of The Angels Take Manhattan. This Doctor is older, more distanced from what happened to his Ponds. River tugs the coat tighter around her shoulders and tries to stop crying.

Left a clouded mind and a heavy heart

It’s true that the inside of the TARDIS is like a universe unto itself and her parents could be on board somewhere, but by all accounts, the Doctor doesn’t travel with more than one or two people at a time often.

Friends in Need

The Doctor's desperate, he turns to his oldest friend for help, Sarah Jane Smith...

~Super cute!

Grow Old With Me

"Never let him see the damage. Never let him see you age..."

Finding What You Never Lost

She found them long before they knew to miss her.

"You've still got poison lipstick on your mouth," she says. "I do not." "You really do Sweetie." She leans forward and up, and her fingers are wiping at the corner of his lip and he's holding his breath.

In which the Ponds and the Doctor come to terms with losing/finding Melody Pond in the aftermath of Berlin.

Keep Your Relationship Private

First a home box written in a language that once could burn stars, raise up empires, and topple Gods. Then the oldest cliff face in the universe with a tongue that no linguist could read. All to tell the Doctor, "Hello Sweetie". He had to be impressed with that, and he came up with a way to say just to her: "Hi, honey. I’m home."

The caged bird sings with fearful trill of the things unknown

A real marriage wasn’t all fairy-tale picnics and ice-skating on the River Thames. It had fights and periods of stony silence. It also had times when you watched your husband be smitten with his younger companion and wonder if, despite his pleas to let him make things up to her, that he would be really happy with someone else.

You Turn Me Into Somebody Loved

There was the Doctor, and he did things to her. He had left her that first time all blushing and not quite meeting her eyes before he kissed her cheek and sent her on her way. Not even a night out with her friend banished those thoughts. River stared at the ceiling, thought about the Doctor’s innocent kiss and wondered why that had made her toes curl more than a night of good sex did.

Conditioned Responses: or Five Times River Song Almost Killed the Doctor

River’s been trained her whole life to kill the Doctor. It’s hard to overcome that…

Possibilities

The Doctor has to make a quick pit stop before he starts searching for baby Melody Pond. Set immediately after A Good Man Goes To War.

The Most Important Question

The Doctor wakes River up one morning with the most important question of all.

who's to say what's impossible

The baby is, of course, a surprise.

your eyes look like coming home

“Don’t try and lie to me, River. You’ve been avoiding me the whole night. You wouldn’t even correct me when I was flying the TARDIS. You always do that, no matter what.” His eyes slid to hers. “First visit since Berlin, I’m guessing.”

I can see the perfect sky is torn

There was only one thing River could do to get rid of the monster in her memories once and for all - kill it.

if one heart can mend another, only then can we begin

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

As she turns away, she hears him mutter something under his breath – faint but just loud enough to carry across the room and reach her ears. She tenses, drawing in a sharp breath as she glances over her shoulder. The Doctor watches her from where he stands, leaning over the console, fringe falling into his eyes. He looks at her like he’d wanted her to hear it.

She swallows, already knowing she’ll regret asking. “What was that?”

He grits his teeth. “I said maybe you shouldn’t come back.”

I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue

Clara eyes her up and down with intrigue and more than a bit of interest in those wide brown eyes, and River smirks. The Doctor, however, remains oblivious.

But we wait for the wave just to wash it away

He’s looking for Professor River Song, the one who ran. The one he hurt so badly with his stupidity and his callous words that he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to make it right.

The Third Way

Archeology, angst, roads not taken and timey-wimey romance. River during her postgraduate studies. Includes implied library fixit.

Responsibility

River Song is pregnant and the Doctor on her doorstep isn't himself yet.

On That Distant Lonely Planet

“Of course,” the Doctor said. “Hello Clara Oswin Oswald. It's good to see you again.” I was born to save the Doctor. It was only natural that once I was born his daughter.

Press your space face close to mine, love

Prati has fantastic fairy rings. Well, they don’t really call them fairy rings. They’re actually called veritas rings. And there aren’t any fairies either. Don’t tell me you aren’t intrigued. Fancy a trip, wife?

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise

Good men had no need of rules. Days like this were the reason he had so many.

Days like this, he tossed them all to the side.

To my Master Post of Doctor Who fic recs <3

I also have rec lists for Harry Potter and Naruto.

#doctor who #the doctor #river song #11th doctor #eleventh doctor #doctor who fic recs #fic recs

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geekade · 7 years

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Time and Relative Dimension in Spoilers 10-01: The Pilot

Welcome back, readers! Damn, it’s been a long time and also HOT DAMN that was a great episode that looks like the start of a great season. So, to review, we saw the Doctor say farewell (...ish) to Clara at the end of season 9 in the finale, “Hell Bent.” Then, in the 2015 Christmas Special, “The Husbands of River Song,” we saw his final (?) adventures with his Sweetie and were introduced to Nardole, who apparently stuck around, because he also appeared a few months ago as the Doctor’s sole companion in “The Return of Doctor Mysterio,” the 2016 Christmas special. As the special ends, Nardole tells the incidental characters “He's the Doctor. He's very brave and he's very silly and I think, for a time, he's going to be very sad. But I promise, in the end, he'll be all right. I'll make sure of it,” so it looks like he’s here to stay.

We quickly learn in the premiere that Nardole was right, as the Doctor has stayed in one place as a professor at a university, the TARDIS idle in the corner of his office, bearing an “Out of Order” sign and framed photos of lost loved ones (one of River and another of his first companion, his granddaughter Susan) staring at him from his desk. Much as I appreciated the callback, as a classic Whovian, seeing her did strike me a bit funny, but after meeting his new companion, the association makes a lot of sense. As when he lost the Ponds, the Doctor seems to have given up travelling and gone into a funk. I’d ding the show for repeating a beat, but Clara and River were both pretty important to him and he was separated from both of them when their apparent deaths were imminent, so I think a grieving period should be allowed. Still, there are few things he loves more than being clever while others look on, so the lecturer role was a brilliant fit.

Enter Bill Potts. I like her. She’s a natural choice for a companion, she doesn’t seem to think like everyone else. It’s a leap to say that she thinks like the Doctor, but it’s fair to say the way she thinks is the way he likes people to think. As the Doctor gleefully notes, she smiles when she doesn’t know something. She doesn’t get bogged down in the obvious, she doesn’t accept everything at face value, she doesn’t let not knowing stop her from trying to figure things out; in short, she’s not stupid. In asking how to refer to her new tutor, she says “Doctor what?” In all my years watching this show, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone ask that question, even though it’s a completely natural way to phrase it. It would have been so easy to make that question yet another play on the show’s title, but that’s not who Bill is. From her “bigger on the inside” moment to her puzzling out the Pilot’s problem with the Doctor, you can see her learning process and how excited she is by it and that’s where the connection to Susan, an inquisitive teen with a bright mind, starts to click. Everyone involved in Bill’s creation, from the actress to the writers to the wardrobe team, have done a great job of giving a clear, strong sense of who she is from the jump.

The show's powerful theme of the link between memory and reality is as present as ever in this episode. Following their adventure, the Doctor tries to mind wipe Bill and push her away and she calls him on it, asking how he'd feel if someone did it to him. Obviously, given the nature of a mind wipe, he's not going to remember that someone did do it to him, but there was some sort of recognition in his performance that, combined with a quick strain of Clara's theme in the soundtrack, makes me think we will probably see her again. As is usual for Capaldi's masterful performance, I genuinely felt the Doctor’s pain as he honored her request to think about how it would feel if he were mindwiped: either he literally has never considered how it feels or (more likely in my opinion, given his recent experience) he knows the pain all too well but has convinced himself that this is the kinder path. He tried to do the same to Clara when they first met in "The Snowmen," she him resisted then, just as Bill did. That’s another reason I think Bill’s going to be a great companion, she challenges him, in a different way from Clara or River, but in a way that he needs. As soon as he grabbed her hand and ran away from the Dalek with her, I knew she and 12 would be quite a pair.

The monster of the week was a pretty good way to get the adventures going again. It’s not the coolest plot I’ve ever seen, but it served its purpose. The ship in search of a pilot who wants to leave was reminiscent of the ship from “The Lodger,” which we saw again in the “Day of the Moon.” Does this mean the Silence will be back this season? Their story was pretty well wrapped up in “The Time of the Doctor,” but the show is notorious for bringing back popular baddies (see also: the completely unnecessary Dalek, (PLEASE stop trotting them out, it steadily decreases the shock value you’re going for every time you do it, Show)), so I wouldn’t be surprised. The flow of events, from Doctor finds protege to protege has alien contact to protege pulls Doctor out of a funk to deal with alien threat, is familiar and natural, though it appears the Doctor hasn’t sworn off adventuring entirely, as is evidenced by the mysterious set of doors we see him and Nardole investigating in a basement at the university (I do hope we get back to those). I also thought taking Bill on the run from the soaking Pilot was a nice fresh approach to introducing a new companion to the show’s basics, step by step (and I appreciated the mini celebration by the Doctor and Nardole when she “got there”). It wasn’t the most exciting or riveting episode of Doctor Who, but it had a job to do and it got that job done without being too clunky or heavy-handed.

So, for the first time in a while for me, I’m able to watch the episodes live on BBCA, which is an interesting experience. They REALLY want us to watch Class, which I’m not opposed to in theory, but in reality I have two little kids and sleep is important and it’ll be on Netflix someday. I do hope they won’t be continuing the practice of playing the preview of next week’s Doctor Who during Class. Not cool, BBCA. Also lame? Playing a preview of the end of the episode during the episode. This is not some dumb reality show, this is one of the finest science fiction shows in the history of television. You don’t need to do that to get this audience to stick around. That kind of promo-monkeying never ends well.

All in all, I’m excited to see how this season turns out. It’s been too long since the TARDIS crew had more than one companion coming from different backgrounds (Amy and Rory don’t count), so it’s high time for that to return. They used to have multiple companions all the time in classic Who and it really allowed for more diverse storytelling, deeper investment in the characters, and just a variety of perspectives. Simply put, you can do more with more characters. Much as I was critical of season 9, I really do enjoy Capaldi’s Doctor. I’ll be sad to see him go, but I’m very interested to see how they’ll set up the regeneration this time and I have no idea what to expect from his recently announced successor, Kris Marshall, who may be coming into the story earlier in the season than expected, according to reports. There was some buzz surrounding the final season 10 trailer, fans claimed you could see a few frames of regeneration starting, which wasn’t so shocking to me since we know it’s coming. But since Capaldi has teased that his regeneration won’t be as straightforward as we’d expect and Marshall has already left his other gig, I’m just dying to see what they’re going to do this time. On top of that, we’ve got also got both Missy and John Simm’s Master to look forward to, maybe they’ll be involved in the regeneration storyline as well. Two Doctors, two Masters, anything could happen! Can’t wait to find out. See you all next week!

#TV #sci fi #Doctor Who

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twoheartsandascrewdriver · 8 years

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Brèves de TARDIS - "Better with two"

Number of parts: 2/2.

Pairings: Twelve/Rose.

Synopsis: It was his choice to make and that wasn't an easy one...

The Doctor remained silent as the guy stole some of the chips left. The anger was burning in the pit of his stomach and he tried his best not to attack the man in from of him. He was just an envoy. He never did the things by himself. He just delivered the message of the disaster or the good thing to come and disappeared as if nothing had happened. That guy wasn’t a Time Lord but he was related to them, somehow. The envoys came from a planet near Gallifrey and were all assigned to a Time Lord to deliver messages from everyone about everything. That one was the Doctor’s one. The Doctor had only seen him a few times before. The guy had well-chosen his name. He only told him about disasters. He never had good news for him. What was he gonna say now? That wouldn’t please him. That was a certitude. He told him about Gallifrey but the Doctor had never believed him until it happened.

“Psycho. Long time no see.”

“Did you miss me?”

“Not at all.”

The Doctor’s voice was really calm but inside down, he was boiling with rage. He looked down at Rose who was sleeping on his shoulder. The silence hit him once again. It was unreal.

“Oh, Doctor. We don’t see each other that much.”

“It’s already too much.”

“You’ve always been so rude!”

“What have you done to her?” he asked, showing Rose.

“Nothing. I have no control on the Bad Wolf. She came here on her own.”

“She’s not…”

“She’s here as the Bad Wolf, not as Rose Tyler. I can feel it.”

The Doctor looked at her again and swallowed. He hadn’t sensed it. For him, she was just Rose Tyler. She had done everything to make him believe she was her. The Bad Wolf had been a part of Rose a long time ago. Maybe she had just taken her appearance to get close to him. He could hardly believe it after all that had happened those last few hours. If the Bad Wolf was really there, that couldn’t be a good sign. Psycho being there too was definitively not a good sign. What was happening? A major crisis must have happened but he didn’t know about it and the TARDIS hadn’t told him anything. He hated not knowing. He hated the feeling that was appearing in his stomach. A feeling of fear. Something big was coming up and he hadn’t seen it coming. Something was wrong with him. How come he couldn’t sense the Bad Wolf, but the envoy could? Why his TARDIS suddenly felt unreachable in his mind?

“The last time I saw you, you told me I would burn Gallifrey.”

“You didn’t believe me.”

“How could I?”

“But you did it.”

“And I hated you.”

“You’ve hated yourself more.”

“Why are you here? And don’t bother lying to me. The Bad Wolf and you, must be something really bad.”

The envoy didn’t answer him. He drew the plate full of chips to him and began eating it. How could he say the thing as clearly as possible? Actually, he didn’t care about how to tell the thing. He just had to make the Doctor understand what was really going on. And that wasn’t going to please him. Every time he had met the Doctor, Psycho had been surprised by his incredible cleverness but also by the way his behaviour was changing. Though the man was still the same, his character always changed. It never got better. The Doctor always got bitter. Living a very long life sometimes wasn’t the best thing to do. Things and people always ended up reaching you in the best or in the worst way. And when you lived forever, you never truly forgot everything that had happened to you, every people you’ve lost. No wonder why Time Lords were such awful persons to talk to.

“You don’t remember anything of what had happened, heh?”

The Doctor was more and more confused. He really didn’t know what Psycho was talking about. Something had happened. He had guessed it by now. But what had exactly happened? He was trying to remember but, strangely, nothing came to his mind. All his past adventures, all the people he had known in his very long life were still in his mind, he knew it but he couldn’t access it. It was all blurry, unreachable just like his TARDIS was. It was weird and very scary. And the Doctor had to admit he was afraid. Something that didn’t happen much often.

“What am I supposed to remember?” he asked, not showing his fear.

“Your mind is really an interesting piece. Your memory is selective, Doctor. It’s trying to avoid a very bad thing.”

“What if you told me instead of playing around?”

“I would rather have you remembering it by yourself.”

Oh how irritating the guy was! If he wasn’t such preoccupied by the reason of his presence, he would have smashed Psycho’s head on the table. There was nothing worse than someone playing around with something he was dying to say anyway. And the Doctor, though his Time Lord condition, wasn’t someone really patient.

“You obviously know something I don’t. Tell me. I won’t wait any longer.”

“Someone gave me a message for you, a strange message I have to admit. And I usually don’t get my message from people…”

“Get straight to the point or I smash your head in that plate.”

“Easy, Time Boy!” said Psycho, raising his hands to calm him down. “The message was: 'You don’t be a warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor.' Does this ring a bell?”

The words hit something inside him. A voice. The same words with that voice. But he couldn’t remember whose voice it was, he couldn’t remember who told him those words. They were obviously addressed to him. He was the only Doctor, the Doctor, in all the universes. Someone asked him not to be a warrior. That someone probably died for him and asked him not to take revenge for what had happened.

“I can remember the voice.”

“That’s a good start. It means your memories are still here somewhere. You just have to wake them up”

“It’s never a good thing to wake some memories up. If I forgot them, there was a reason. Probably a good one.”

“Not my business. I’m here to force you to get those memories back so you can understand the reason of my presence here.”

“As you know the whole story, it’ll be easier if you said it all to me.”

He knew he couldn’t do that. The envoy could just give the message and be sure that it was well understood but he could not interfere in the process of that understanding. The Time Lords had to do it on their own.

“You remember every single of your companions, Doctor. Why is it so hard to remember which one had asked you to be a Doctor and not a warrior?”

This could only be one of his most recent companions. He remembered a short brown girl. His eleventh self kept calling her “impossible girl”. What was her name already? He could see her face, her smile. He could see them travelling together but the name didn’t come. He frowned. He had never forgotten the name of any of his companions. Why was it so difficult suddenly?

“Maybe because she’s linked to a story I don’t wanna remember?”

“You never forgot Rose Tyler. She was your soulmate and you’ve lost her. You still remember your best friend Donna Noble, though it destroyed you to erase her memory. Amy and Rory are still in there,” he pointed a finger to the Doctor’s head, “and they both died. Why is it so hard to remember Clara Oswald who also gave her life for you?”

Clara Oswald. The name definitively rang a bell. Clara Oswald, the impossible girl born to save him all those centuries ago. Clara Oswald, the girl that wasn’t supposed to be able to die but who died anyway. Clara Oswald who asked him to let her be brave. She sacrificed herself for him, to get rid of the raven that was threatening everyone. How could he even forget her name? She should never be forgotten, just like all the other people he had lost. They all deserved a better life than the one he had given them. He had taken them away from their friends and family and had led them all to a very unpleasant end. Except for Martha Jones who got to live a life he was proud of.

- Flashback -

“Listen, if this is the last I ever see of you, please, not like this.” said Clara to the Doctor. “Is there anything you can do?” she then asked to Ashildr.

“I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry, I…”

“Time’s short. Yes or no?”

“No.”

The Doctor breathed heavily. He couldn’t believe what was happening. Clara, his Clara, was about to give her life to save his. They were both aware of the danger but they had committed a mistake and that mistake was about to cost Clara’s life. It was hard to swallow. He just couldn’t let her do that.

“Well, if Danny Pink can do it, I can do it too.”

“Do what?” asked the Doctor, afraid of her answer.

“Die right. Die like I mean it. Face the Raven.”

“No. This, this isn’t happening. This can’t be happening.”

“Maybe this is what I wanted. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is why I kept running. Maybe this is why I kept taking all those stupid risks. Keep pushing it.”

“This is my fault.”

“This is my choice.”

“I let you get reckless.”

He had always been a reckless guy, full of energy, ready to take all the risks needed to save the whole universe and all his companions had tried to be like him. Every single of them. And he had lost them all. Now, he was about to lose Clara and he just couldn’t accept it.

“Why? Why shouldn’t I be so reckless? You’re reckless all the bloody time. Why can’t I be like you?”

She was angry at him and he perfectly understood why. It was all his fault. He made that to her. He led her to her end.

“Clara, there’s nothing special about me. I am nothing but I’m less breakable than you. I should have taken care of you.”

“I never asked you to.”

“You shouldn’t have to ask.”

The raven cawed as it flew around along the winding street and the people scattered terrified. The time was almost done. If they didn’t do anything, the damages would be terrible.

“Clara, if I’d known, I’d…” said Rigsy.

“Don’t. Shut up.”

“But…”

“Really, Rigsy, shut up. If you feel guilty about this, even for one minute, I…” They heard the Raven. She turned to the Doctor. “You. Now, listen to me. You’re going to be alone now, and you’re very bad at that. You’re going to be furious and you’re going to be sad, but listen to me. Don’t let this change you. No, listen. Whatever happens next, wherever she is sending you, I know what you’re capable of. You don’t be warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor.”

“What the point of being a Doctor if I can’t cure you?”

“Heal yourself. You have to. You can’t let this turn you into a monster. So, I’m not asking you for a promise, I’m giving you an order. You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no one else, here and anywhere, will suffer.”

“What about me?”

“If there was something I could do about that, I would. I guess we’re both just going to have to be brave.”

“Clara.”

She hugged him. He had never been a hugging person. Clara was the only one who could hug him. But he didn’t like that hug. That was a goodbye hug and it hurt more than any other hug they had ever had. He hugged her back, holding the tears back.

“Everything you are about to say, I already know. Don’t do it now. We’ve already had enough bad timing.”

The Raven cawed close by. The death was slowly getting close to them. There was no time to waste anymore. She had to go face her death.

“Don’t run. Stay with me,” he begged her.

“Nah. You stay here. In the end, everybody does this alone.”

“Clara.”

“This is as brave as I know how to be. I know it’s going to hurt you, but, please, be a little proud of me.”

She touched his cheek to try to comfort him. He took her hand and slowly kissed it. This would be the last time they would see each other and he realised how hard it’d be. Those were her final words.

“Goodbye, Doctor,” she whispered softly.

Clara stepped out into the deserted street. The Raven landed on a nearby stall and cawed. She walked towards it as other passers-by ran away. The Doctor stepped out of the doorway.

“Let me be brave. Let me be brave,” she kept repeating to herself, hoping the Doctor would do as she had told him.

The Raven launched itself from its perch. Clara opened her arms wide and it flew into her stomach. She opened her mouth wide in a silent scream of agony. The Doctor didn’t move. He let her do but the pain was tearing him apart. Clara relaxed and the Quantum Shade smoke came out of her mouth as the fell to the ground.

- End -

The memory left him totally astonished. He remembered now. He remembered Clara’s sacrifice for him. He remembered her last words but the rest of the memory was all blurred. Did he obey? Or did he look for revenge? He had saved Ashildr and she had betrayed him. It was partly her fault if Clara died that day. How could he have forgotten such a thing?

“I remember. I remember her. I remember her words.”

“Good.”

“What now?”

“Do you remember what had happened after she died?”

“No. I just remembered her falling to the ground.”

“I guess, you can’t quite remember that part. The feelings of rage and grief were tearing you apart.”

“What did I do?”

“What do you think you did?”

“I obeyed. That seemed the right thing to do.”

“In an alternative timeline, you did. You were supposed to follow that timeline but you didn’t.”

“You’re not supposed to see the different timelines. Only Time Lords can do that.”

“I can’t. This is a part of the message. I have been told what was supposed to happen and what you’ve actually done.”

“And I’ve not done the right thing.”

“Depends on what you think is the right thing.”

“For you, the right thing to do is always the most horrible one.”

“The bad news are always more fun than the good ones. I once gave good news but I got bored. I asked to be transferred to the bad news. And I got assigned to you.”

“What an honour!” said the Doctor ironically.

Psycho finished the chips and pushed the plate away. He slowly dried his hands and threw the paper towel in the empty plate. The Doctor was staring at him, waiting not so patiently for him.

“Well, still no memories of what you’ve done?”

“I was waiting for you to tell me.”

“Aren’t you a bit lazy?”

“No. Just pissed off.”

“As usual.”

“I’m going to strangle you.”

“Not something the Doctor would do.”

“Said the guy who told me I would commit a genocide.”

“Extenuated circumstances?”

“Get to the real point of all of this, Psycho.”

“Run you clever boy and remember me.”

“Stop quoting her!”

“Start remembering, Doctor.”

The Doctor was boiling with rage. That guy was truly pissing him off. He was gonna hit him if he kept playing with his nerves. Next to him, Rose – or was it really the Bad Wolf? – started to move and slowly woke up. She gave a dirty look to Psycho. She didn’t like him either.

“You missed the entire fun Bad Wolf girl.”

“I told you not to come.”

“You were supposed to give the message instead of cuddling lovingly and everything.”

The Bad Wolf girl blushed a little. There was still some Rose in there. The Bad Wolf was pretty indifferent to any kind of emotions. The idea of Rose rushing to him while he was about to learn something terrible made his hearts beat a little bit faster. She had fought all those years to come back to him. Somehow she did manage to get to him but not in the form of the girl he used to love more than life itself. Now, he could really see the Bad Wolf. It was there, using Rose’s body like it had always done.

“That doesn’t really matter at this point.”

“It does.”

“He needed to trust me.”

“He always has.”

“Needed to be sure.”

“Are the both of you explaining me what’s happening or are you just gonna fight over your freaking ways of working?” said the Doctor bitterly.

He couldn’t quite believe the Bad Wolf and the envoy had seen each other to choose who would tell him what was supposed to happen. He had no clue at all and their little fight wasn’t helping his anger.

“I can’t definitively take it as a good sign.”

“It’s not, my Doctor.”

“So, what am I supposed to have done after losing Clara?”

The Bad Wolf bit her lip a few seconds. How could she say something as harsh as the thing she had to tell him? It wasn’t an easy one but they had to. That was their mission. He had a choice to make and he wouldn’t be able to if they didn’t tell him what was going on.

“It’s better if I show you,” she simply said.

She slowly stroked her face with a sad look. Then, she pressed her fingers on his temple and closed her eyes. He was surprised to see that she could reach his mind so easily but couldn’t say anything because memories flowed in his mind.

- Flashback -

His hearts broke as she fell to the ground. He was supposed to close the door, to let her die alone just like she asked and not to hurt Ashildr. But he was hurt. He was deeply hurt and totally mad. He couldn’t tell whose fault it was. Was it his because he did a mistake that caused the dilemma? Was it Ashildr’s who tricked them? Was it just the fate telling him he was meant to lose everyone and everything?

“I’m sorry, Doctor. I truly am,” tried to apologize Ashildr.

“What Clara said about not taking revenge. Do you know why she said that?” he replied.

He was mad at her and she could easily feel it. The Doctor’s anger was not to take lightly. That was something people who knew him had learnt over the past centuries.

“She was saving you.”

That seemed pretty legit to think. The Doctor had never been a warrior. He was a pacifist. He had done wrong choices, wrong things but it was always for saving people. If he decided to take any revenge now, his personality would be highly corrupted. He was a saviour, a Doctor. He wasn’t a warrior and couldn’t go on that path. Not now that he was so close of coming back to his home planet.

‘She was saving you.”

Clara knew how he would react to her death. She knew he would blame Ashildr and hurt her and she gave him the order not to touch the girl. She knew what he would have done to her and she gave him the order not to do anything. At least, against her.

“I was lost a long time ago. She was saving you. I’ll do my best, but I strongly advise you to keep out of my way. You’ll find that it’s a very small universe when I’m angry with you.”

Ashildr nodded, afraid and shocked. The teleport bracelet the Doctor was wearing beeped and he was gently beamed in purple and white light while Ashildr turned her back. The bracelet dropped to the floor. The Doctor had disappeared.

He found himself back in the TARDIS. When he got out of it, he realised his blue box had been painted with flowers and a portrait of Clara. It was absolutely beautiful and reminded him of how much hurt and mad he was. He obeyed by not doing any harm to Ashildr but she didn’t say anything about the others. That would not be revenge, just a way to deal with his pain. So he threw himself in all the shady streets he met. He threw himself in troubles. He picked fights with a lot of bad people and every time he was punched, kicked, thrown to the ground, the physical pain made him forget about his real pain. People didn’t understand where he was coming from and why he was so much angry. They just knew he was attacking them and that they had to protect themselves from him. By the end of the night, he found himself laying down on the ground, in a lame state.

He was pretty sure all those fights had broken him a few bones and created a few other problems in his body but he just didn’t care and enjoyed the pain, the blood and the violence of it all. Someone kicked him in the ribs and he just laughed. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing except that pain in his whole body.

“You must be high to enjoy such a pain and still laugh at me grandpa.”

“You must be stupid for hitting a poor guy who can’t get up anymore.”

He was provoking the guy. He wanted to make him as mad as he was. He wanted him to end his pain even if he knew nothing would actually end it. He had lost too many people. Clara was the last of them and he couldn’t handle it anymore. The guy hit him a few more times for him to stop laughing and then, ran away when he heard footsteps. The Doctor heard them as well and suddenly someone was knelt next to him. That could have been anyone but the big brown eyes got him really surprised.

“What have you done, my Doctor?”

That was her only question before he lost his grip on the reality and fell into a black hole…

- End -

Rose took her hands off of his face and watched him as the memories got back into his mind. Psycho looked annoyed. He was tapping on the table with his fingers, waiting for the conclusion of all of that. The Doctor looked at Rose.

“You came to pick me up before someone else found me.”

“This would have been a very wrong thing.”

“Where am I now?”

“I brought you back to the TARDIS. We’re both in there. She’s protecting us.”

“And you took my mind exactly where you wanted to.”

“I needed you to remember me, to trust me before you got to this point.”

“But who are you for real?”

The situation was really pissing him off. Yes, he had done a bad move. Yes, he was paying the price of his acts. But why in the world did his envoy and the Bad Wolf came here? Why did they use such a staging to force him to remember, to tell him all of that?

“All I said to you in the TARDIS was true. I’m Rose. I’m your Rose Tyler, the only one you’ve ever known.”

“And the Bad Wolf?”

“She didn’t really leave my body all those years ago. A part of her stayed in me and no one knew it.”

“How did you find it?”

“The first time, I couldn’t quite believe it. I had just lost my human Doctor and it was hard to deal with. I got killed by a car because I was too drunk to be careful.”

The revelation left him surprised. She was telling him what had happened with a detached tone. There were no emotions as if she was talking about something that didn’t matter. In her eyes though, he could see the whirl of it all. It was still torturing her in a part of her mind.

“The first time?”

“I woke up in my bedroom as if nothing happened. There was only my daughter at home and she was looking at me with wide opened eyes. She told me that they had called her after the accident to tell her I was dead, that there was nothing else to do for me, except unplugging the machines that kept me partially alive. She was watching over me, trying to decide what to do when she saw the golden glow of my hand. I had told her about you, about the regenerations, about the Bad Wolf but she had always thought it was only stories. Until that day.”

“You regenerated?”

“I was in a coma. I didn’t know what had happened until she told me. And indeed, I was feeling a bit different. I physically changed a bit. My daughter told me she had stolen my body from the morgue before they did anything to me and brought me back home. I didn’t understand how that could have happened. I used my Torchwood access to get an explanation. Looks like the Bad Wolf never really left my body. It changed my DNA, something almost unnoticeable and yet. Here I am.”

“It did not happen just once.”

“I provoked the second one. That was risky but I had to know. And it worked again. The third time, I got shot. Every time, I regenerated. The energy the Bad Wolf had left in me healed my body and changed it a little so people wouldn’t get suspicious.”

“You look exactly the same to me.”

“The portal I’ve told you about. It was pretty unstable but I went through. My body couldn’t handle it. I controlled the regeneration to look the same I was when I travelled with you. But that wasn’t enough.”

“It was. I was just too busy mourning Clara to really look around me and see what was going on. Looks like you’ve found me just in time.”

“She found me first.”

“And he told me about what was going on with you. I decided to be the one to tell you what will happen now.”

There was a silence. Rose was slightly biting her lip. She was nervous. Whatever was going to happen now would not be something pleasant. Psycho was still tapping on the table with his fingers.

“Well, I guess my mission is over now.”

“You can go.” She nodded.

She didn’t need to tell him twice. He disappeared immediately. Rose didn’t look at her beloved Doctor right away. She stared at the empty seat left by Psycho for a moment.

“So… What’s now? Since we’re in my head, there’s a way to get out of here, isn’t it?”

“That’s more complicated than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re dying, Doctor.”

There was another silence. She was still avoiding his look. She bit her bottom lip. He had no idea what he was going through right now but she knew. He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him.

“That’s not possible.”

“Unfortunately, it is. Your body can’t regenerate anymore and it’s not healing itself. You’re blocking it.”

“Why would I?”

“Because you lost everyone and everything.”

She was talking about an emotional block from his mind. That was why his body wasn’t healing. That was why he was slowly dying while they were talking. The restaurant suddenly disappeared. Everything that was around disappeared too. There was only Rose and him, now standing on the edge of a cliff.

“What does that mean?”

“Here where you really are. On the edge of life or death. That’s what Psycho had to tell you.”

“He came to tell me I was dying, I got it.”

He was still confused though. One second, he was fighting fit and the second after, he learnt that he was about to die. He looked down. He couldn’t see where the cliff ended. He swallowed. It was terrifying but he couldn’t admit it. He couldn’t admit he was terrified. But he didn’t have to. Rose was in his head. She knew. She could feel everything and see everything. She had maybe saved his life until now.

“He came here to tell you you have the choice, Doctor,” she said, taking his hand in hers.

“What choice?”

“Right now, I’m keeping your mind and body alive but it’s not my decision to take.”

“You gotta stop playing around and tell me what’s going on like right now!”

The fear made him angry. She didn’t react at him yelling at her. She just held his hand a bit tighter. She faced him, some tears in her eyes.

“You are the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, Doctor. You opened to me the doors of a brand new life. A life full of danger but a life where I could do what was right, what was fair. I will never be truly able to thank you for showing me how wonderful the universe can be, how good it feels to take a stand and defend those who need to.”

“Rose, you sound like you’re doing a farewell.”

“I am.”

“Why?”

“Because whatever you’ll choose, it’ll be the last time we see each other. If you survive, you’ll find Gallifrey and I can’t follow you there. I’ll have to stay on Earth. If you don’t, we’ll die together. I have nothing left to lose now.”

He looked down once again, holding her hand. The wind was blowing all around them, threatening to make them fall. The decision had to be taken quickly. There would be no second chance.

“I remember the first time I ever caught your hand in that basement. If someone had told me you would change my life that way, I wouldn’t have believed it. I wouldn’t have believed it either if someone had told me I would fall in love with a young human girl who’d risk everything for me.”

She didn’t say anything and quietly listened to him, the eyes closed not to see the truth under her feet. That new version of her Doctor looked so much like the first she knew. Dark, hurt, angry and yet, almost human.

“I never forgot that day either.”

“I can’t lose you a second time. I can’t keep living if that means losing you again.”

“Doctor…”

She knew. Hearing the tone of his voice, she knew he had taken his decision. Her heart broke. That was not what she had wanted for him. She wanted him to live even if it meant being apart from him.

“You had to go through so many things because of me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being able to protect you, for letting you down. It’s never gonna happen again. I’m never gonna let anything pull us apart again. Gallifrey, the Time Lords, the TARDIS, the universe… It doesn’t matter anymore if you’re not there with me.”

“That’s your choice, Doctor. You step back or you jump. You live or you die.”

“If living means losing you, then I jump.”

He turned his back to the cliff and closed his eyes still holding her hand very tight. He was afraid but he knew that was the right choice.

“Don’t make your choice because of me. The universe needs you.”

“I dedicated all my thirteen lives to the universe and what did I get in return? Nothing. I lost everything and everyone. The universe took everything away from me. It broke me. And I remember now…”

“What do you remember?”

“I wanted them to kill me,” he admitted.

He was weird, saying it out loud. He didn’t even clearly think about it when he had walked through the streets and provoked the guys. He just wanted the pain to stop and that was the only way for him. He didn’t want to live another century with all that pain, with all the weight of his lost people. The other Time Lords could take care of the universe. The Doctor was done.

“They did.”

Rose faced him and gently stroked his cheek. It was a bit selfish of him to give up on everything that way, to choose Rose and the death instead of the universe and the life. Her words meant everything at that point. She knew he had chosen death, she knew he would jump. The Doctor opened his eyes and looked into hers.

“The question is: are you jumping with me?”

“Together or not at all,” she replied softly, squeezing his hand.

He kissed her, deeply, passionately, lovingly. They were on the edge of their eternity, an eternity of peace and of love. While kissing her, he had flashes of their life together. He even saw his TARDIS, parked in the Powell Estate. It would forever remain there now, just like he wanted it to be when they faced the Daleks on the Satellite 5. She deepened the kiss with as much passion and love.

“Together or not at all,” he repeated.

They both turned their back on the cliff and closed their eyes. They were holding hands tight. They had faced life and its difficulties together, they were now about to face death. He murmured an ‘I love you’ and they both took a step back, jumping from the cliff and falling into the depths of death…

×××

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