#so so many thoughts

[fizz-pop-thwip]

I struggle thinking about non consensual human experimentation as a whole, but what happened to Bucky really it does just make me sick.

To start, think of how his stomach dropped when he fell from the train, the fucking fear knowing you're dead. You have 2 seconds and then your dead, this is it.

Then you wake up to 1) being alive, horrifically unaware of the 70 years of hell ahead of you and 2) your arm being not only surgically removed but replaced with a metal arm, a foreign body, a parasite. You fight because what else are you ment to do? But you fall unconscious again.

You wake up to days and days of torment and torture and slowly loose hope that it will ever end, that you'll ever be saved. He didn't know that Steve was dead, how long did he yearn for Steve to find him? How mad did he get? Did he punch the wall, did he scream? Did they have to sedate him because of just how psychotic that made him? How fucking manic he would go?

How long till he lost all feeling, all emotion and hope?

When they started putting him in the chair, did he scream and cry? Did he beg for anything else? Any thing, anything, fucking anything. Did he beg for death? Did he feel himself slowly lose all of his memory, did he sob when he first couldn't picture Steve's face, or when he could remember the most important person in the world, but not a name or a background or a face, not a crumb.

The first time he's put in cryo freeze, does he remember his reflection? Seconds before he fell unconscious, never knowing how long it would be before he woke up again. Did he wake up, begging to just be put back in, the closest fate to death he could ever achieve? The closest thing to mercy? Does he catch himself falling asleep at night and wake up in tears, not even sure if it's been 20 minutes of 20 years.

Did his crys for help fall on the shiney leather shoes of scientists who showed no emotion, did he question if he was even human to begin with? Surely a human would be treated with even a fraction of care. No one treated like this was born from a mother, no one treated like this was ever looked at with maternal love.

He stopped feeling like a person, he didn't even remember he was a person. When things seeped though it just hurt, they hurt him, it made it worse. So he stopped it, he wouldn't let himself. It was impossible to live. He had no coping mechanisms, no outlet, he would show any signs of struggle and be hurt for showing humanity. He had to be what they wanted.

Even after he was broken in, no crying anymore. No begging for mercy. Did he spend his nights awake, just TRYING to remember what he forgot, FEELING the missing spots in his mind? Did he hold that metal arm close because he can't even remember how he got it anymore, all he knows is it makes his shoulders ache.

He was completely and utterly trapped, the more he suppressed, even the minor shards he remembered, the more mania he would experience.

Even once he's free, how do you come back from that, even if it was just a mental thing, the physical, real DAMAGE to his brain was enough to make him never heal again. Bucky is a walking fucking miracle and maybe THE survivor.

He is going to have memory problems, severly. He is going to have intense PTSD flashbacks, total hallucination level, breakdowns. Seriously, this level of trauma is NEVER leaving him, not fully. Phantom pains, endless nightmares, coping mechanisms that don't make sense but comfort him none the less.

He's going to have periods of times where he can't even stand being touched, not Steve, not anyone. Weeks where he can't shower or move out of a space his brain has deemed safe for fear of being hurt. Scratches at the seam between his flesh and the metal of arm, wanting it off, wanting it away from him. Again does it necessarily make sense logically? NO!! but does he feel it 100%? Yes!!

He gets better, his bad periods get less intense, more far in between but they never fully go away. As fuckimg depressing as it is, hydra made a permanent mark on his psyche. It's FUCKED.

Gods strongest soldier is Bucky Barnes.

[lover-of-mine]

“Do not take ibuprofen by mouth or apply it to your skin if you have ever had an allergic reaction or symptoms like wheezing, runny nose or skin reactions after taking aspirin, ibuprofen or other non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) such as naproxen.”

4x05 “Buck Begins” -> 6x11 “In Another Life” -> 8x05 “Masks”

Inspired by @stagefoureddiediaz and @bewitchedbewilderedbisexual

[maki-nsi]

my brain was so full of thoughts while drawing this i started asking my friends do analyze the possible meaning behind this drawing and then i passed out

[valfeathers]

i be like *thinks about L’s childhood* *thinks about L’s childhood* *thinks about L’s childhood* *thinks abo—

[theeluvian]

Any smutty Davrin thoughts pre-release?

Does he take it slow and loving in bed with Rook?

Maybe hard enough to nearly break the bed

In front of a mirror maybe because he wants to watch Rook from as many angles as possible

Or against a window because the thought of getting caught turns him on like a wild beast

[frnkiebby]

idk man but he looks like a puppy

that’s bc he is puppy~🎃

[hyperionheights]

i've been watching telenovelas / soaps since i was a child and i can for sure tell you none of them were nearly as emotionally distressing for me as s6 of bones

[aplicobelt]

I find it interesting that Will somehow made calling Hannibal by his first name almost a term of "endearment" something he has to earn even. And what I mean by that is whenever Hannibal has done something that maybe just erked Will or beyond that, after hes done something that is so horrific and beyond what anyone else would or could forgive a person for he'll switch to calling him Dr. Lector or even just Doctor, a subtle pettiness that he knows makes his stance clear. That or he'll say "Hannibal" but like the word leaves a bad taste in his mouth, like he doesnt deserve to be called by his name by him.

There's so many other ways Will could choose to show his annoyance, bitterness, anger etc but instead he just refers to Hannibal how everyone else does, down playing their relationship. This bothers Hannibal for two reasons for one, it places a wall of professionalsim between them which is like Will saying "you dont seem all that interesting to me" again like the first time they met. And as Hannibal has made very clear, he wants to be everything to Will. And Will calling him Dr. Lector makes it sound like they are just colleagues, strangers. And I think as much as it bothers him it more so makes him want to prove Will wrong, which is why he does that eerie smile in the scenes that Will calls him Dr. Lector.

And the second reason is, Will isn't just anyone to Hannibal and he doesn't like Will or anyone else placing him in the category of everyone else because to him Will is his equal. More then that even, Hannibal worships him, he's Hannibals god *cough cough* the symbolism of Digestivo, which is him more directly showing his devotion to Will.

(Sorry this was a bit of a long rant, I've been writing alot more of my thoughts about Hannibal™ into my notes app and this was definitely one of my longer and more coherent ones so I felt like sharing it)

[royalthorned]

coraline bartylus AU when

[fishiteeth]

Very vague, unassuming prediction, but I feel like we might be leaning into a water-type update soon...

Pirate decor, flotsam decor, the siren and beach outfits, plus the new home plot being a beach?

Idk but I have a feeling we might get well acquainted with the water and potentially meet a seafaring race (my guess will be the Inyrevn)

[hechose]

this test, stolen from @girlsurvive // everyone dewit ♡♡

[cremn-podcast]

Working on worldbuilding :[

[thedndgoblinwholivesinyourwalls]

Have some fic ideas I wrote down at 12am:

-Grant and Marco proposal and Grant’s hesitation and feelings about it (so many feelingsss)

-Nark Sweetooth AU/Deity AU

-Cassandra and Nicky (Nicky having to drive Glenn home from him ruining a family dinner at cassandra’s when nicky was going to propose)

-Normal and Hero talk (Normal talking about Hermie again)

[akuikami-aa]

thinking about teacher sukuna

[kryptonitejelly]

i am thinking about the friends to lovers trope baaaad. which means i am also thinking about flyboy. but friends to lovers with jake or bradley, i 😭😭😭

[frnkiebby]

I don’t remember if I already sent you these but even if I have here you go

YOU DIDNT SEND THE LAST ONE WTF~🎃