#so since that one shot turned into a full blown series I thought it was appropriate I make a Masterlist | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

farfromstrange · 10 months ago

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Interview With The Vampire | Vampire!Matt Murdock x F!Reader

-> Main Masterlist

Pairing: Vampire!Matt Murdock x F!Reader (she/her)

Summary: You are the first journalist to interview Hell’s Kitchen’s resident vampire vigilante after he requested you personally to tell his story. He’s offering you a way out of your miserable job—to make your voice be heard. You’re desperate and curious, so you decide to take the risk. Most people only know him as Daredevil, but you are about to learn who’s really behind the mask. How hard can it possibly be? As it turns out, interviewing a vampire is a lot more complex than you expected it to be, and Matthew Michael Murdock has set his mind on ruining you for any other man to come.

Warnings: SMUT (18+ MINORS DNI), alternative universe, blood play, marking, scent kink, slight Dom!Matt, unprotected p in v, oral f!receiving, biting, vampirism, angst, religious imagery & symbolism, Catholic guilt, mentions of violence, allusions to suicidal thoughts, lots of plot, age gap

Word Count: 12.2k (this is a beast)

Other Characters: Vampire!Elektra (mentioned), Ben Urich (mentioned)

A/n: I finally got this one edited. This is a beast, y’all! I drew inspiration from Anne Rice’s Interview With The Vampire, but particularly the 2022 AMC series (I fell in love with it then and there), but it’s not based on it, so I just played around with the idea and this came out. It’s a lot, but it wasn’t enough for a full-blown series, so you’re getting a big ass One Shot instead. I used my usual Smut tag list, but since this is slightly Dead Dove Do Not Eat, heed the warnings and proceed with care! Don't read it if you don't want to. Anyway, I hope you like it!

Read Me On AO3!

The sun has long set over the Big Apple. Artificial neon, cars, and ceiling lights burning in the highrises along the riverfront cancel out the darkness that has befallen the country’s east. Noise melts into a flood that rolls over people’s senses, but most in New York City have grown numb to the city that never sleeps.

Sirens follow cacophonies of screams. Teenagers get into clubs with their fake IDs, adults get drunk in bars or go to work the night shift at their underpaid jobs, and the other half cry themselves to sleep, knowing they will have to get up in the morning and go through the same hell all over again.

Life has become a miserable existence, and it leaves human beings wondering, ‘How much longer do we have to endure this before we all finally drop dead?’

The system fails them. The law fails to protect them. All they can do is lie down and wait to die. And they will die sooner or later. That’s inevitable.

In Hell’s Kitchen, in a penthouse with a view of the Hudson through colored windows that gloss over during the day and show the city throughout the night, resides someone who most of the city only knows by an alias—Daredevil.

If anyone crosses him, he will suck them dry. It’s not a metaphor, I’m afraid; his reputation precedes him. Criminals fear the red eyes that come with fists and a sharp set of teeth that will surely run them into the ground. The rest of the city feels a little safer with him, but so far, no one has dared to question his nature.

Fear is known to work as a paralytic. And this man living in the penthouse by the Hudson is the personification of what one might consider fear-inducing. Without the fear of others, he would not be thriving.

An apex predator like him lives for the thrill of the kill. When the adrenaline spikes, it makes the prey start running and the blood taste so much sweeter. It is to a creature of his kind what a good glass of century-old red wine would be to a human being; he savors every last drop of it.

Two years out of your Master’s degree at Columbia University, you have become one of those hard-working adults who fall into bed later than they should, and you lie awake at night, wondering how much longer you have to exist before you can live.

You interned at the Bulletin; you ran the true crime and mystery column for over a year before the newspaper shut down. A billionaire from downtown Manhattan bought it to start his own magazine, and you were the only employee he didn’t fire. Instead of relying on your top-tier education and experience though, he has banned you to the lifestyle and beauty column. He’s a beast if you have ever seen one.

On a Monday in June then, after the sun has risen and is now falling again, you find an envelope on your desk. You glide your fingers over the fancy paper. The letters are written in handwriting that resembles the old letters from the 18th century you had the pleasure of using as research material for your Bachelor’s thesis.

Your heart skips a beat. Could it be…

It is no secret that vampires exist.

Over two decades ago, scientists published papers on the existence of blood-sucking creatures after years of valuable research, and now governments around the world have set out to burn the inhuman species out before they can cause any more damage. Vampirism though is older than humanity itself and unless law enforcement has evidence of homicide, vampires have the right to exist amongst humans.

They are excellent at hiding their true nature, that much is true. The lore that has been passed down since the beginning of time is only partly true. They know how to adapt and rise from the ashes like elegant phoenixes. The misconceptions surrounding their existence stem from fiction, horror, and fear, but they persist.

And a rule has been established in society ever since the truth was revealed: don’t talk about vampires!

Don’t talk about them unless it’s in a fictional context. Don’t put your research out there. Don’t fraternize with them. Don’t risk becoming prey. Don’t be fascinated by them, and God forbid, don’t you dare write articles about them for the public records. If you want to know about vampires, you have to dig, and you have to do so quietly or society will deem you crazy and a freak.

The worst thing to be is not a flying android or a super soldier with a shield; the worst thing you can be, in this day and age, is a vampire.

You were a curious child who turned into an even more curious adult. At times even a bitter one because she couldn’t get the answers she yearned for and had to do it herself. So, of course, the We Don’t Talk About Vampires rule came across as rather absurd, learning about it back when you were merely a teen.

You started researching, and you found out more than you thought you would—more than you thought you could. You wanted to cover the issue in the Bulletin back when you still worked there, but since humans were raised to fear the very mention of vampires in the real world, no longer romanticizing the concept but rather running from it, the truth shall remain hidden. Again, that seemed absurd, but you had to accept it to get ahead.

You kept researching to the point you convinced yourself you could be one of them if you tried. You felt like you understood them, but nothing could ever fully answer all of your questions to the point it felt truthful. Honest. Real.

Growing up, everyone told you dead things aren’t supposed to walk. They aren’t supposed to breathe and exist among the living. They are cruel, and vampires are killers that leave trails of bodies the government is hiding from us. Greediness exceeds common sense. The human mind tends to get sick and twisted, and those who don’t fit in hardly ever stand a chance.

Hell’s Kitchen is particularly quiet on the issue. Rumor has it that the vigilante chasing criminals at night and leaving the worst of them dry at the shore of the Hudson while, at the same time, surrendering those he deems worthy of rehabilitation to the authorities, is one of those vampires.

They call him Daredevil; the savior of innocents and the downfall of the vile. Only a handful of people know who he is. The truth is caught in a spider web of lies, unable to come out unless someone were to tell his story for the world to hear.

That Monday in June when you open the mysterious envelope on your desk, everything changes.

He addressed you personally. Your name resembles a masterpiece, the letters swirling at the edges.

You don’t know me, but I know you.

It’s strange to read your name out of the mouth of a stranger.

I must admit, Miss, I’m a big fan of your writing. And I’m not talking about the lifestyle and beauty column Mr. Doherty of the ‘Silver Lining’ has confined you to.

No, I am a big fan of the work you used to do for the New York Bulletin. I remember your name headlining many articles on crime here in Hell’s Kitchen—a column my late friend Ben Urich used to call his home.

It’s a shame that the paper was shut down. I tried to prevent it, but the disappearance of half of humanity and Wilson Fisk’s irreparable damage to the city’s foundation tied my hands.

The token female journalist reporting on unsolicited beauty advice and lifestyle choices no one is going to follow in the days of social media and fake marketing. It must be frustrating, right? Not having a story to tell. Not getting recognized for your impeccable talent. The Bulletin gave you a platform, but Mr. Doherty and his goons took that away from you.

What I’m asking myself is, are you satisfied? You were probably imagining a different future for yourself. A woman of your caliber must want to be more than a mere object used to make a bottomless magazine look better on the market.

Excuse my overstepping. I read one of your essays on the magical and the mythic—lore versus reality—the other day, and it inspired me. My life has been taking quite a few turns lately, so I required some new… let’s call it insight.

You don’t know me, but I am one of those creatures you are fascinated by. I’m the kind of creature people have been telling you not to write about because the weak minds of the public would not receive it well. The Catholics, the church, the fragile and fearful human beings that can’t imagine anything in fiction being real and want to remain the superior species—trust me, I know what it feels like to be backed into a corner. To be abandoned. To be underestimated. Not quite like you, I admit, but I have a few years of experience in and with this world to show for myself.

I imagine you’re tired of your position. I imagine you’re dissatisfied with human idiocy. You crave answers to your questions. Questions you have been asking yourself ever since college failed to answer them. My kind is being censored—partly for good reason—but that doesn’t sit right with you, does it? To live life in a monotone line with no clear way out of this boring rhythm you have had to fall into?

I can offer you a different path. A story. Answers to your questions. And the unfiltered truth of a 242-year-old man.

You are going to find a card with my address attached to this letter. I can assure you, sweetheart, we both want the same thing. I will wash your hands if you wash mine. Think about it, and come find me when you have made your decision. Preferably after the sun has set.

Yours sincerely,

The paper crumbles in your hands, but only at the corners. Your eyes are glued to the lost drops of ink, the blue blood of an old fountain pen caving under too much pressure.

He chose his words carefully. Every paragraph circles around your head. You breathe in, and it suddenly feels as though the whiff of the unknown is an inhalable drug, twisting your brain inside out.

The pull threatens to submerge you in a stormy ocean. You’re flailing your arms around helplessly, but there is nothing for you to hold onto. All buoys have drifted into oblivion, leaving a sea of utter emptiness behind, and in the midst of it, there you are, drowning.

In a moment of clarity, you fold the letter back down on the desk. It lands with a thud, and you look around frantically, checking if anyone is watching you. They aren’t.

M. That’s all he’s giving you. And the fact he is over two hundred years old proves the rumors to be true. He’s standing by it, but only to you. He wants to reveal himself to you, show you his true face for a story, but he’s a vampire.

You’re alone. You can wash his hands, but is just showing up enough for him? You don’t even know him.

You’re in trouble. This time though, you didn’t even do anything. You did your job, and he caught an interest in you. How does that work?

Your heart skips another beat. It should not, but it does. The danger is exciting. It shouldn't be exciting. You hate what your body is doing, but how can you make it stop? You can’t. You can’t do anything but take it.

This stranger has got you in a chokehold, but in his hands, you might as well surrender to your certain demise. You don’t consider vampires inherently evil, but there is a reason people warn you not to walk alone at night in Hell’s Kitchen. He’s dangerous, no matter his nature, and he is not supposed to lure you in the way he does.

But you’re a curious kitten, and he is offering you the holy grail of answers to questions you have been grappling with for years. He hit the nail right on the head. And it doesn’t even scare you how well he knows you.

This is a gold mine. Realistically speaking, telling a vampire’s story could make or break your career as a journalist. If you do it for the magazine, you’re done before you can even bring your words to print, but if you do it individually and you do it well, people will certainly eat it up. The question is just, are you going to play your entire life safe, conforming to your boss’s view of you until you get the freedom you crave, or are you going to take the risk and fly?

The answer is as clear as day, but it takes you a moment to process. It’s as though someone is in your head, steering you in the direction of whoever this M is. Daredevil. This vampire who wants you to interview him, and for what? That’s still an open question you don’t have the answer to. But you do know what to do.

You scramble for your laptop, your notepad, and the letter in the envelope. The clock strikes four. You have another two hours on the clock, but you can’t be bothered to stay.

Upon hearing the sound of your shoes hurriedly scraping against the linoleum floors, one of your colleagues turns in her chair. “Where are you going?” she asks.

“I, uh, have somewhere to be,” you tell her as you brush past her.

“What, now?”

“Yeah. I forgot I had an appointment.”

“What about Mr. Doherty?”

You stop on your way out, looking back over your shoulder. “If everything works out,” you say, glancing through the window to his office at the other end of the hall, “He’ll have my letter of resignation by the end of the week.”

She gasps softly. “You’re quitting?” her voice is barely above a whisper.

Almost sinisterly, you chuckle. “That’s the plan, yeah.”

“But—”

“Tell your daughter Happy Birthday from me. I gotta go.”

Your steps echo for minutes still, but you are long gone with the wind.

Silver linings are considered an advantage that comes from an unpleasant situation. The name has proven to be entirely unfit for the magazine that replaced a big piece of Hell’s Kitchen’s history. The Bulletin had cultural value as much as it was laden with decades of the city’s stories told to the average person.

Wilson Fisk was the dynamite that sent New York alight. The Bulletin’s destruction was mere collateral damage in the fight to get the city back on track. You have had so many reasons to leave presented to you, yet you never took them. If you had, maybe you wouldn’t be here, making bad decisions on what started as just another Monday in June.

The fact is though, you didn’t leave, and you are here now. Facts are what matter. They count. Your hypothetical past, present, and future have no place in this reality because you can’t travel back or forward in time. Vampires may exist, and the Avengers time-traveled to save the world, but things aren’t quite as easy once you look at the bigger picture. You are not a superhero, you’re just a journalist chasing the kind of story that will finally make her voice be heard.

You know that Ben Urich, at least, would be proud of you.

His address weighs heavy on the small card you pulled out of the envelope earlier that evening. You passed it on to the cab driver, and he began to navigate the dark streets of Hell’s Kitchen. The luxury condominiums in this part of the city can be counted on one hand. You know exactly when you’re there.

The sun has once again set over New York City. You’re wide awake, not quite sure though if you’re ready to face what you are walking blindly into. Even your driver refuses to take you past a certain point, and that is how you know that you’re not dreaming. This is real, and it’s supposed to be terrifying.

How come you’re not scared then?

You slip twenty dollars to the cab driver, then climb out of the backseat. The salty air from the Hudson River a few blocks down wafts around your sensitive nose. In the distance, you can hear waves crashing into the docks as the wind picks up in speed. The boats must be moving wildly by now, swaying from side to side and possibly even making the fish in the depths of the water seasick. You would be if you were them.

With every step, you grow closer to your target. On second thought, maybe you should have brought more than just a pathetic bottle of pepper spray and your precious laptop. You could have brought your grandfather’s cassette recorder, at least that would leave a mark if you hit someone over the head with it.

Do vampires get concussions? That is another question you can add to the seemingly endless list in your mind. It’s a confusing place as of late, and the weird sense that someone is playing with the controls won’t leave you alone. Either you are overthinking, or you are worse off than you originally thought.

The apartment complex the card directs you to stretches high above you. You look up, seeing not a single light on. That’s odd, you think, but then again, you are meeting with the city’s most notorious man. If he is who everyone says he is, and if the rumors are even true, that is.

As you are about to approach the entrance, your fingertips start to burn. A gasp escapes past your lips. Staring down, the cubical piece of paper goes up in flames. You are mere feet from the door, nowhere near close to an open source of fire, and the card starts to burn like a wildfire.

You pull back, your heart hammering against your ribcage. The ashes fall to the ground, but before they can hit the asphalt, they vanish.

“What the–” before you can finish, the doors before you swing open toward the inside. The lights turn on. Someone even has called the elevator for you.

Another step forward, and a voice stops you. “Fourth floor, down the hallway, first door to your right,” the voice says through the speaker. Only then do you notice the lack of a doorbell.

Everything in you is screaming for you to run, but you are rooted in the spot. He dragged you here with a mere letter, and you were more than ready to jump. Desperation was the only thing that drove you here. Your brain seems incapable of rational thought.

What if that is what he wanted all along? To get you complicit by playing on what you so desperately need, which is a story and a way out of this boring everyday life that is threatening to slowly kill you.

He’s like a siren, luring you into his deadly trap, but even knowing all of this, you still can’t find it in yourself to run.

The second you enter the building, the door shuts behind you, and your only way out is officially locked. You made the decision; you have dug your own grave, possibly quite literally, and now you have to lie in it. It’s better to die chasing a good story than dying at a desk in an office that doesn’t respect you.

You are a disgrace, you can hear your father’s voice in the back of your mind. He always warned you not to be too reckless or your bad decisions will eventually catch up with you. He always taught you not to trust strangers, and to stay the hell away from those who disgrace God, but you have never cared much about being a good girl.

Your thoughts are as morbid as your obsession with the walking undead. It is time you embrace what people are already saying about you.

The elevator ride feels like an eternity. It goes up and up and up until it finally stops on the fourth floor. The walls smell like nothing but a faint hint of bleach. It’s clean, parquette not carpet, and the walls are kept in a shade resembling a mixture between crimson and maroon, and it is blending into a sort of marble.

The metal doors slide open. Again, you hesitate. A sweet whisper echoes in your ear, dragging you toward the edge. You breach the border between the elevator and the hallway that waits behind it. The voice is distant, and it doesn’t sound human—it reminds you of a siren’s song, calling for you. He is calling for you, and a fog settles over your mind. You’re not in control anymore, he is.

You imagine him to be an old man, possibly middle-aged. Vampires stop aging when they’re turned. Their mind doesn’t. You’ve read the research plenty. They are wise beings, more intelligent than human beings could ever fathom. That makes them dangerous.

Their venom rivals the intoxicating feeling of heroin, you’ve heard, and it heightens your senses to the point all you can feel is the one who bit you. Research suggests it’s a million times stronger than an orgasm, for both the vampire and the human being.

Part of you has always wanted to try it. Part of you wants to know what it feels like to be sucked dry. You want to know what it feels like to be carried into a new dimension by someone who knows how to play the human body like a fucking piano, eliciting the sweetest melody through your very essence and the symphony of your moans.

This M—Daredevil—is inherently dangerous. He’s as mysterious as they come; a man in a mask lurking in the dark corners of Hell’s Kitchen every night, turning the fight for justice into his hunting ground.

It’s as though he curled his fingers, and you followed.

You walk the dark hallway down to the door on the right. Paintings litter the walls. Masterpieces, blotches of white, red, and color. You recognize the red marble as a decorative theme on the wallpaper. Tracing your fingers over it, the rough drywall scratches at your skin.

You reach out a shaky hand toward the golden knob. Before you can turn it though, the door already flings open. It must be witchcraft.

Red appears to be his favorite color. At least judging from the hallway, that is true. When you step into the room with a pounding heart and blood pooling in your cheeks though, the inside of the room is a lot more… human. You wouldn’t have guessed it from the gloominess surrounding you on your way there.

A leather couch and armchairs stand in the middle, facing toward the window front. Colored windows, as you have gathered from the rumors. They are see-through now though, showing the city skyline and the moon up high. The chandelier on the ceiling is the only piece of furniture you would consider old. Browns meet hues of blue and dark green, a forest at midnight, and you suck in a sharp breath. The apartment is beautiful.

You look to your left and see a bookshelf stretching the length of the wall. You can’t help but run your hand over the backs. You would have expected original editions from the 18th or 19th century, but when your fingers trace over the bindings, you are met with the bulging of Braille underneath the elegant golden writing of the titles. None of them seem to have collected dust. It surprises you to only find a mere handful of classics that haven’t been transcribed in Braille and a realization you did not expect starts to crawl its way forward.

“I stole that one from a library in Paris.”

Your racing heart stops beating. The book you’ve been holding falls to the ground, its worn-out leather cracking further around the spine. The thud is deafening. You gasp, turning around. Your shoulders fly up as the tension ripples through every last muscle in your bone. Your bones ache just from how stiff you’re standing, but you can’t move.

The man before you moves as quietly as a mouse. You didn’t hear him coming. The moonlight reflects off his dark brown hair, making it appear almost ginger. He’s wearing a simple suit without a tie, and the white of his shirt is as pristine and clean as the cut of his beard. You can see chest hair poking out from underneath the two open buttons, as dark as the locks on his head. His jawline is irresistibly sharp, leading up to a pair of plump lips he is wrapping around the brim of a crystal glass filled with rum.

Your heart remains frozen. Not a single drop of blood pumps through your veins, yet your cheeks burn brighter than a bonfire on a pitch-black night.

But his flawless appearance is not what catches your attention the most. Looking up into his eyes, wanting to know whether they are as red as those set into the devil’s mask, you find nothing but your terrified reflection staring back at you. It’s as blurry as the picture of your face in a still ocean’s water, your wide eyes staring back at yourself.

The red glasses are all you can see. Round with a black rim. Silver would have looked better on him, or maybe even gold. The black reminds you of an endless pit, a sinister embrace of vampire stereotypes, but you can’t look away from the maroon that won’t allow you even a glimpse into his eyes. They are shielding him from the world, and his eyes from curious, stupid humans like you.

He nods toward the ground. “You gonna pick that up?” he asks. His voice reminds you of rumbling gravel.

He looks like a man. He talks like a man. If you didn’t know better, you would say he is human. There seems to be blood in his cheeks and air in his lungs.

You have to pull yourself together. Clearing your throat, you bend down and pick the book back up.

“Thank you,” he utters your name. “It’s been a while since I’ve received visitors that don’t work for me.”

You put the book back on the shelf. Your lips are sewn shut; you can’t find the words. Every time you open your mouth like a fish on dry land, you close it again, and it is embarrassing to be standing in front of him with your guard down.

“Welcome to my home,” he says. You wish you could see his eyes to know if he’s mocking you. “Do you want a drink, or do you need another minute to process?”

He is mocking you. His tone is gentle, as is his voice, but he smirks like a smug motherfucker, and your anger boils to a tipping point. The candle is about to burn out.

“I–” you stammer. Internally, you curse yourself for being such a fool.

“Another minute it is then.”

You don’t need a minute though. “You’re blind,” you blurt out.

The beautiful—deadly—stranger nods. “Yeah.“

“How?”

“Accident when I was a kid.”

“But you’re…” you leave the missing part of that sentence hanging in the air like a noose.

“Say it,” he murmurs. You want to say it sounds like a growl, but you’re not sure. He isn’t asserting dominance or trying to force you into submission by scaring you away, but he is toying with you regardless.

You take a deep breath. The word, the truth, numbers your tongue and your lips with its weight. “A vampire,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, matching his.

His smirk broadens. He pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek for a moment, then releases it as it darts out to wet his bottom lip. “I’m a blind vampire, yes,” he answers. “We’re rare, but we do exist.”

Blind vampires. In all of your years of fascination, that has never crossed your mind. You used to believe that they had healing abilities that far exceeded your own. You were wrong. He lost his eyesight before he got turned into a vampire. He lived as a blind human being and didn’t regain his most crucial sense when he died.

He came back to life, but he died. It is surreal to stand across from him. He’s not just letters on a piece of paper, he is very much real. And he’s blind.

“Oh, my God,” you curse.

That elicits a soft chuckle from him. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t come,” he says.

“I was considering not to.”

He sees right through you with those empty glasses. “That’s a lie.”

“How would you know?” you counter.

“I can hear your heartbeat. The blood pumping in your veins…” His head tilts ever so slightly in your direction. You take a step back. It’s an instinct. “Your pulse picks up when you lie, or when you’re nervous, or both,” he states. “When you first saw me, your heart skipped a beat. It did again when you lied to me.”

Your eyes trail down to his thick thighs perfectly fitted in his tailored trousers. His thick digits pat the rhythm with his fingers on the fabric. Thud-thudthudthud-thud. You place a hand on your chest. He wasn’t wrong; your heart is racing.

His smirk turns into a smile, but only briefly again. It’s a glimpse of humanity he doesn’t want you to see. “I like that sound,” he says. “Has anyone ever told you that you smell good? Sweet, sour, and a little salty. Natural. You don’t use a lot of artificial perfume, but you like cherry chapstick.”

You swallow, taking a whiff of your arm. Besides your deodorant masking the scent of your nervous sweat, you smell nothing. How good must his nose be? His hearing? His sense of taste?

“Right now, sweat is dripping down your back, and your muscles are tense enough to strain against your bones every time you breathe. Your heart just skipped a beat again. You find it weird,” he muses. “I can’t turn it off, but I get it must be strange for you.”

“You–” The blood has collected in your head, pushing the temperature in the room to an all-time high. “Get out of my body!” you snap.

He laughs. “That’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear.”

“And I never thought you would ask for an audience with me, but here we are.”

“Here you are.”

You want nothing more than to wipe that smirk off his face. He looks so smug, standing there with his drink, wearing a suit too fancy for his own home. He’s fully in his element. It’s scary how alluring he is, too. You don’t want to think that way, but as soon as your eyes gaze upon him again, your chest contracts, and you forget how to breathe.

He’s a wolf, and you’re a lonely little sheep that doesn’t know any better. That lonely little sheep just wants to be a part of something bigger, even if that means surrendering herself to the big bad wolf. He wants a taste of her, and the sheep would give him that in a heartbeat if he just asked.

You blink. There is a voice in your head, and it isn’t your own. Far from it. You don’t want to be associated with this stranger. She thinks she knows you. She thinks she knows what you want—the sheep in the eyes of her natural enemy. This voice is the most irrational you could be, and you need to stop letting her win.

And yet you—not just the voice of the lonely sheep you appear to be—would follow this man anywhere, even to hell if he asked you to.

Your eyes drill knives into his skull, but they are also full of curiosity. Can he hear your thoughts? Your heart beats in your throat. You can taste it on your tongue. If you bit your lip, you would bleed, and he would probably fall into a frenzy. Still, your teeth dig into your bottom lip. What if he can hear your thoughts—hear how fucking needy you are? You’re pathetic. What he must think of you, standing across from him, smaller than human life itself.

You want to read him, but he is far from an open book. He’s not Braille you can run your fingers over, and even if he was, you don’t know how to read it. He’s an enigma. His face is set in stone; an iron mask you can’t penetrate.

His chest heaves with another chuckle. He sets the crystal glass down on the coffee table, taking a step forward. “No, I can’t read your mind,” he says.

You flinch. “What?”

“Your breathing pattern. The way you look at me. I can sense that you’re thinking about something.” He adjusts his glasses. “It’s just… Most humans ask me if I can read their minds, you know. I can’t. Some vampires can, but my senses are the only heightened ability I have.” This time, when he chuckles, a hint of bitterness dances in his voice.

“At least you’re not in my head then,” you say.

“No.”

“Good.”

A pregnant pause follows. You clutch your bag to your chest, your fingers digging into the frame of your hidden laptop.

“Can I offer you a drink?” he asks, pointing to his empty glass.

You wave him off. That’s the last thing on your mind. “No, thank you.”

Sometimes at night, you fantasize about diving into the abyss of darkness. It looks and sounds a terrifying lot like him. You want to know him. You need to know him. When it comes to him and this—whatever this is—the lines between want and need are blurring into an unidentifiable mess. It’s an ocean of emotions with no land in sight. A total eclipse of the heart, if you will. You’re losing your mind.

“What you can do–” You straighten your shoulder, hoping it will add height to your beaten confidence. “You can tell me your name. Sir,” you say.

He nods. “I suppose it would only be fair, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, it would.”

“Matthew. My name’s Matthew.” The softness of his features as his lips move to the rhythm of his words takes you back anew. His eyebrows raise slightly, and you catch a glimpse of a pair of beautiful, unfocused hazel eyes that steal your breath away.

Matthew. It is a name that easily rolls off the tongue. It suits him.

You repeat his name aloud. “That’s an odd name for a 200-something-year-old man,” you point out.

Matthew scoffs. “My parents were both Catholic.”

“I suppose you’re not?”

You hit a sore spot. His head dips, fingers running over his nails and tongue tracing his teeth. “Not anymore,” he says.

God died for him a long time ago, and all churches burned down.

Your grip on your bag loosens. “Then why Daredevil?” you ask.

His lips part. “I, uh, have the Bulletin to thank for that one. After centuries of existing in this world, and being despised for no matter what I do, I’ve decided to embrace it. I am Daredevil, not even God can stop that now.”

Matt grabs his glass, turning away from you. He doesn’t use a cane to navigate from the couch to the mini bar on the other end of the room. You carefully follow his movements. One of his hands remains at his side, snapping his fingers as he navigates the familiar terrain of his home.

He uncaps a half-empty bottle of Whiskey to pour himself another glass.

“You know, Matthew,” you prompt, daring to step forward an inch, “as big as your reputation is in this part of the city, Silver Lining is not the kind of magazine that would cover your story.”

“You still came,” he says.

“I could lose my job if anyone knew I came here.”

“And yet you’re here and not where you should be.” He turns his head over his shoulder. “You wouldn’t risk losing your job if it wasn’t important to you, would you?”

You stammer, “I–” He’s got you. You’re a fish with a hook in her mouth.

“If Silver Lining Magazine won’t cover my story, why are you here?” Matt turns back to you, leaning back against the shiny Mahagoni of his minibar. It offers a beautiful contrast to his strong physique and the slight paleness of his skin. “Could it be because you’re fascinated by the mythic?” he asks, teasing. “By werewolves and witches and vampires?”

It’s your turn to scoff. “I won’t confirm or deny. My boss wouldn’t let me write a vampire vigilante exposé even if I begged him to.”

“And that’s why Mr. Doherty doesn’t deserve you.” Your body visibly recoils when he pushes forward, moving just an inch toward you. “Your curiosity is a virtue,” he purrs. The moonlight sets your reflection in his glasses alight.

“Is that why you lured me here?” you ask him. “Because my curiosity is a virtue and you consider yourself better than the people in my life?”

“I didn’t lure you here, and I think you know that. That’s not what this is.” The distance between you starts to shrink, backing you into a corner. “I believe you came here because the thought of interviewing a vampire and sharing your findings with the world on your account excites you,” he says. “You want to be heard. You want to be taken seriously as a journalist, and you want to make people happy.”

The only way for you to come out of this with your pride and dignity still intact is to put up walls before the already existent labyrinth of walls keeping your heart guarded and your soul safe. “Again,” you ask, “why me?”

“Why not you? As I stated in my letter, I’m a fan of your work.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, about that. How did you write that if you’re blind?”

“I didn’t, my secretary did.”

“Of course.” Of course, he has a secretary. “I… I just don’t get it,” you say. “You’ve been hiding for so long–”

Matt cuts you off with an urgency you didn’t expect, “Things have changed. Circumstances…” he trails off.

“Wouldn’t it be a suicide mission?”

His answer is silence. You let out an exasperated sigh. “If you want me to interview you, you have to be honest with me.”

“I’m not on the record yet.”

“Right. Maybe you can answer this though—off the record, of course—how can you be certain I didn’t call the cops or the FBI before I came here?”

His eyes crinkle. “I’m not stupid, sweetheart,” he says.

He’s amused. You’re amusing him.

“Don’t call me that,” you growl.

He’s spreading you open, holding up a mirror for you to look into. It’s your miserable self in all its glory, and he knows you better than you know yourself.

You ignore the sharp pain in your left ribcage as you pull the arrow out of your heart. “Unless someone holds up a sign that they are pro-vampirism, how would you even know I’d listen to you and not just refer you to the Journal of Psychiatry?”

“Are you telling me you don’t believe in vampires?” Matt quips.

“That’s not… Answer my question!”

The sound of your heartbeat must sound almost like the rapid firing of a machine gun, that’s how fast your pulse is racing. Your veins threaten to burst with the excess blood. It’s a heat like no other. You’re a witch at the stake, and Matt is holding the torch to your gasoline-doused body.

He clears his throat. Your face falls at the words that tumble out of his parted lips, and the rapid firing turns into a deafening silence and a monotone line on a heart monitor.

“After what I’ve learned from reading Dr. Rice’s research on the phenomena of vampirism, I can confidently say this species is no different than an animal like the great white shark or the Homo sapiens sapiens—our kind,” he recites. “Vampires are a medium of fiction and propaganda to induce fear, but they are also a widely misunderstood species that is being silenced rather than heard. Our species, the human species, likes to consider themselves superior, even when we’re in a position of being someone’s natural food source. Dr. Rice’s research is based on a comprehensible set of facts, and isn’t that what we have been relying on ever since the beginning? Our psychology makes it possible for us to change the narrative in our favor, and more often than not, we ignore the very facts deemed by humans as an intellectual importance to spread the message of an entirely different agenda. Dr. Rice’s research only proves that egotism and humans themselves will be humankind's certain downfall.”

“My investigative journalism essay,” you breathe out.

“Published by Columbia University.”

Your heart restarts with a rush of adrenaline. “How… how do you know all of this?”

“I may be blind,” Matt says, “but I know how to read between the lines.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

The alcohol in his drink seems to have little effect on him. “I know you have questions, and I’m willing to answer them if you promise to publish a detailed report somewhere other than Silver Lining Magazine.”

You look down at your bag, then back at him. “Ben Urich could have told your story in a way that would’ve made people listen,” you murmur. “I don’t have an impressive career like him.”

“Yeah,” he smiles, “but you could have easily written ‘Attack on NYC’. Ben was a good man, an even better journalist, but he could not have written your college essay. And he could never have been you.”

Your name rolls off his tongue—not a pretentious nickname that makes you want to vomit but your name, and it flicks a switch within you.

You glance around the spacious living, pulling your laptop out of its confines, and you bridge the distance between you, finally. You notice he smells of sandalwood cologne and scentless soap. “Okay,” you cave. “Where do you want me to set up?”

Session 1.

The spacebar clicks underneath the tip of your index finger. The white of your screen fills with a series of red sequences as the microphone takes in every little sound around you. Except for the two of you and the fading footsteps of one of Matthew’s assistants though, the world has fallen silent in the dead of the night. He’s sitting across from you, legs crossed, head tilted; your life is about to change.

“So, Mister Murdock,” you begin, “tell me. How long have you been dead?”

His mouth opens in a wide grin. “242 years,” he answers.

“And what happened the year you died?”

“Well, it was 1782. I was a good few years out of law school. I was a good lawyer, but I wasn’t successful. That year, I met a beautiful woman at a banquet. I wasn’t rich—trust me, I was beyond penniless—but she had been adopted into a wealthy family, and that made her one of the richest women in the room. Everyone wanted her, but when I sensed her across the hall, she only had eyes for me. And she was the first woman to not see me just because I was blind.” He chuckles sadly. “I thought she was the woman of my dreams, the love of my life, but a few weeks later, after letting her into my life, I realized that she didn’t look at me that night because she was interested. She was hunting me. El— Miss Elektra Natchios…”

The year 1782 becomes apparent before your inner eye. As he tells you about the night he met her, you can see the dark-haired beauty making her way across the ballroom. Red lips and a gown to die for. Her dark eyes were full of mischief, but the passion in them could have knocked a grown man off of his feet. And that is just what she did to poor Matthew.

“I was going to marry her,” he tells you.

He went to church regularly. His knees were bloody from praying, his senses already heightened before he died. God’s soldier, that is how he puts it. He was told that the accident that left him blind happened for a reason, and he had to fight a war that went beyond the country’s fight for independence.

That summer, Elektra drained him. He didn’t know what she was. She fooled him. He was obsessed with her. Her dark eyes he couldn’t see lured her in, and it was the venom in her blood that became his downfall after she dug her teeth into him.

Matt tried to beg his priest for forgiveness, but he didn’t even make it past the marble stairs before the doors locked. He knelt in a pool of blood—both his and that of the first human he ever sucked dry to survive as a newborn vampire—offering an eternal sacrifice to Catholicism, but God abandoned him on his doorstep.

The church walls would have been set on fire if he had touched them from the inside.

You look up from your notepad to find him now standing at the window. He’s not looking out, of course, but he seems so deep in thought, the memories that aren’t your own but his start to dissipate, and you’re brought back to the here and now.

Matt poured his heart out to you. You expected answers, but not this kind, and certainly not of this magnitude. You see him in an entirely different light. He’s vulnerable, fragile, and human. He has endured trauma that killed him, but he couldn’t die because the woman he loved made him immortal. It’s a bigger curse than growing up with the belief that an accident made you God’s soldier.

He lost everything. For centuries, he has had to live with that. It’s killing you, feeling his pain, the pure agony that radiates off him.

Your voice is quiet when you ask him, “What was it like?” You don’t have to say it out loud for him to know what you are referencing.

Matt chuckles, the sound a mere breath in the atmosphere. “Like she took my soul from my body, setting fire to my belief system and already heightened senses,” he says.

You swallow. “That sounds… overstimulating.”

“It was. Is. My heart stopped, but when that happened, something else awoke inside me. The hunger… the hunger was the worst part. It’s insatiable. One hour passes, and you feel like you’ve been starving for weeks.”

“Like you’ve been possessed by a demon?”

“Like I am the demon.”

“But you’re not.” You should stop the recording. You’re not on track; you’re incorporating your feelings into Matt’s story, but you can’t help it. The words tumble out of your mouth without a second thought, a train that cannot be stopped.

He raises his eyebrows, you can see it in his reflection in the windows. “Are you religious?” he asks.

You shake your head. “This isn’t about me.”

“Are you?”

The veins on the back of his hands bulge as he balls them to fists at his sides. Your throat is a desert, and your heartbeat resembles a storm that burns right through it, sending the sand flying in all directions of the horizon.

You adjust in your seat, crossing one leg over the other. He takes a whiff. He’s smelling you, and that doesn’t help the speed of your pulse to calm down.

Tapping your pen on your notepad, you watch the red sequences fill the white space of the recording program. It moves with the sound of your voice when you finally dare to answer. “It’s a complicated question because there is a difference between believing in God and believing in the church,” you say.

“Do you believe in God then?” Matt asks. It’s as though he’s trying not to seethe at the mere mention of someone he used to worship. You make a note of that.

“There is so much bad in this world. So much cruelty. I can’t…” You take a deep breath. “I don’t know how to believe in a God that would let the things humans do to each other happen. If God existed—if he was as merciful as Christians like to claim, he wouldn’t let this happen. And I’m so sick and tired of people using their faith, and their beliefs in God and the church as justification to be disrespectful. I don’t understand it. How can anyone? Why is someone who has to drink blood to stay alive—someone who didn’t even choose this life—worth less and the devil’s breed when humans do worse things to each other? Why would God allow us to start wars that kill innocent people? Children? It’s just not fair that we treat ourselves and others as though we are already in hell, and we’re just supposed to accept that God doesn’t care—” You stop yourself, the tears burning behind your eyes.

Matt turns back around. You can’t look away. “When I was still human,” he murmurs, “I used to believe everything that happened to me was God’s will. The accident, God’s will. Me going blind, God’s will. I went to confession, prayed until my knees were bloody and bruised. I tried convincing myself that every scream I heard from down the block, every person who lost their life or their innocence was my responsibility. God made me this way for a reason, right?” The scoff is as bitter as the liquor in his glass. “I fell apart, you know. I was a kid, so I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand what was happening to me,” he tells you.

You hold your breath. The glasses slip from his eyes as he takes them off with shaky fingers. You are met with the most beautiful pair of hazel eyes. Emotions dance a heated tango in a tornado. If you look closer, the green specks bring life to his eyes. It’s human nature in the purest sense of the word.

Your reflection stands in his irises, his unmoving pupils, and the tears glisten in his eyes. They’re as red as blood, watered-down crimson essence. You want to reach out and stroke his cheek, but that would be crossing a very big line that you can’t bring yourself up to touch.

“I studied law because I thought it would change something,” he continues. You listen. It’s the only thing you can do—listen. “It wasn’t enough. Nothing I ever did felt like it was enough. I lost my father. Jack. I didn’t know my mother until it was too late. Maggie. I had no one. No money, no prospects, just me and those voices in my head, telling me I was supposed to be God’s soldier.”

“You’re not,” you cut in.

He shakes his head. “I prayed; I crawled up the stairs of the church, and I spent hours repenting for my sins. I bled myself dry for Him. I sacrificed myself. I sacrificed my youth, my heart, and my soul, and I got nothing back. I begged for help until my voice was sore, but nothing… God, nothing was ever good enough. Until Elektra came around,” he says.

“She changed everything for you. It makes sense. She turned you into a vampire, but she also loved you.”

“She did love me, in her own twisted way.”

“It’s what you deserved,” you say.

He isn’t yours, but the pang you feel in your chest is treacherous. Your heart cracks like a porcelain vase, jealousy creeping in like a parasite of toxic waste.

In response, Matt only chuckles bitterly. “She made me believe again, then took my soul and crushed it in her hand.” The correction makes your shoulders slump. “Instead of feeling like my world ended though, I felt at peace when she sucked the blood out of my veins and fed me her venom,” he says. “It’s sick, I know. I was aware I died that night, that she turned me into a devil who could only survive if he drank the blood of others. The Catholic in me struggled to accept it, but I had no choice but to embrace what she made me.”

“And where is she now?” you ask.

“Gone.” The light in his eyes has fully disappeared now. “I stayed with her for a while until she died in my arms. She showed me what love is, and she showed me heartbreak. She made me hungry for blood, awakening the devil I’ve been trying to tame. She taught me how to feed, how to hunt, and how to chase. But she also cursed me,” he says. “I only exist for myself now. I only bleed for myself. No God, no church, and no more religion. I’m not Jesus, I’m Judas, and I retired the cross the day I was crucified.”

You have run out of questions to ask. Too overwhelming is the sight of his walls crumbling down, this stranger you now know better than any living being seems to. You no longer see money in this, or a story to chase, you only see Matthew, and the halo above his head he still believes is a pair of horns. The world broke him. His faith in God broke him. It crushed him, and he lost everything. How broken he must be.

“Not such a pretty story when I say it out loud, huh?” He scoffs.

The spacebar clicks again. The recording comes to a sudden halt. One hour and fifty-eight minutes, the first session of your interview with the vampire. You need to put a halt to it now because what you are about to say or do as you reach your hand out to brush his cold, dead skin is not something that should be found on a record. And you won’t ever tell.

Matt pulls away when your warm fingertips brush his. You’re standing across from him now, so close he can smell, hear, and feel all of you at once.

Your touch is the holy water that burns his skin, but the fire sustains him and shoots straight to his core the same way the blood rushes to yours.

“It’s not a pretty story, no,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, “but it did tell me what I already knew.”

“And what’s that?” he asks.

“That you’re not evil. You’re not the Devil. You’re misunderstood. You’ve been beaten; you’ve been abandoned, hurt, and broken. That doesn’t make you a monster. Trying to make this city a better place does not make you a monster.”

“If you only knew the things I’ve done…”

“I know the rumors suggest that you were the one who fought Wilson Fisk and got this city back where it needed to be. You’ve saved countless women from the worst of fates. You are the reason the innocent people of Hell’s Kitchen feel safe. By picking up that mask, you became a hero, not a villain, and that is the story I want to tell.”

In lightspeed, he has moved you from the window to the other end of the room. Your back hits the wall.

Matt towers over you in all of his intimidating glory. His eyes spark red, but you hold his unfocused gaze. He has such beautiful eyes. This pull between you is far from human; it’s unhealthy, and it is exactly where he wanted to get you. You’re trapped, pinned underneath him like a deer caught in headlights.

Exhaling, your breath strokes his cheeks. He closes his eyes, savoring the taste of you. Every particle in the air, he inhales. His tongue darts out to lick his lips. Oh, what you wouldn’t do to suck that tongue into your mouth.

Your pheromones play his head like a puppeteer pulling the strings of his marionette. He growls. “Do you have any idea how dangerous I am?”

The moonlight catches his sparkling white teeth. This time though, you come face to face with the sharp edges of his previously concealed fangs. Your jaw drops open. He’s ethereal.

“I could snap your neck—” Matt places his hand on your neck, “I could make that heart stop beating, take the air from your lungs. I could eat you…” He traces the vein in your throat from your jaw to your collarbone. “I could bite you and suck your blood until you’re empty. I could kill you, sweetheart. My kind is your natural enemy. You shouldn’t be here.”

You shudder. His nose brushes the sensitive skin below your ear. He’s so close you can smell him. On inhale, and his scent consumes your senses. He is all you can feel now. You reach out to hold onto his arms, his muscles tensing under your teeth. He’s big and strong, and those hands have a mind of their own as they begin to wander but never where you need him most.

You shouldn’t be here, yet you came. He asked you to him, and you complied. Is this your fate now? Chasing after your big bad wolf like the helpless sheep that you are?

Your walls clench around an agonizing emptiness, your swollen clit brushing against your soaked underwear. Whatever he is doing to you, it’s the cruelest form of torture.

A strangled noise breaks out of the back of his throat, rumbling in his chest. “You have no idea how badly I want to taste you,” he breathes.

“Do it,” you beg. “Taste me.”

He utters your name again. “Stop.”

“Please.”

Your tone shatters him. When he kisses you, finally, fireworks explode in the universe around you. All the stars seem to finally align. Your heart opens, and it sucks him right into you. Your soul yearns for him. He’s so close yet so far away.

The moon stands between you, but you cross even that ocean as you push against him, forcing your tongue into his mouth. He takes like heaven and hell; he’s the apple Eve bit into and cursed her for all eternity. But he’s also the snake, the one who compelled you to take this journey of bad decisions and jump right off the cliff’s edge. You melt into him like a broken candle.

He pulls away. Those fangs are alluring, as sharp as a knife’s tip. You want to know what it would feel like gracing your skin, digging into your as he thrusts his cock into your tight cunt. The thought alone sends your mind into a spiral.

Your lips are swollen, but he has yet to draw blood. Matt looks as though he wouldn’t dare, his eyes darting around in a darkened conflict he feels might cost him more than your dignity. You are begging for it, as is your body, but he’s holding himself back. He’s the one who tied himself to an invisible pillar, keeping his hands locked behind his back. But that is not the Matt you want.

You lean your head to the side, exposing the length of his neck. All control has slipped from your fingers. It’s in his hands now—you are. He cups your head gently. A mere few inches lie between your fountain and his lips.

You press a kiss to his calloused palm—a desperate and needy kiss, tracing your tongue over the lines that tell his life’s story in a way no interview can retell—and it is then he is forever done for. He’s doomed, and you are the second woman to pull him under the pits of hell.

Saliva drips from his fangs. You hold your breath. He hisses, a weak admission of surrender; the words die miserably on your tongue when his lips close around your pulse point with all his might, and his teeth drive home.

You moan aloud. Your fingers tangle in his hair, forcing him deeper as he sucks the dark red essence out of your vein. The sensation is more than you bargained for. It’s a drug that wrecks your system. The synapses in your brain backfire with all their might, and what follows the initial explosion of pleasure shooting white hot through your being is complete and utter silence as this God of a man feeds on you.

The invisible string between you glows a bright crimson. It slings around you, tying you together like the roots of a tree. It’s an eternal sacrifice. You are giving your all to him, the very core of your existence that is now flowing into his mouth. You swear you can hear his thoughts mingle with yours. Yes, more, please. You taste so good. Your knees buckle, but you remain standing strong. He makes sure you don’t fall. Don’t slip away from me. I need you.

A tear rolls down your cheek. You could sob. It feels so good—too good to be true. In that moment, you become one. There is no telling where one begins and the other ends. The coil in your stomach tightens, and the only pain you feel is the pleasure threatening to overwhelm you. He’s taking everything as you give him everything, but it is not enough. It has never been enough.

When your body struggles to catch up with the lack of blood, he pulls away. His fangs drag out of your neck agonizingly slowly. You whimper at the sudden loss.

Matt catches you as you stumble into his arms. “You okay?” He cradles your face, brushing the hair out of your face. Your blood stains his lips. Blinking up at him, the force of your metaphysical connection slaps you awake.

You cease to exist in all solar systems but his.

He pokes the tip of his index finger with the sharp edge of one tooth, sliding it over the two holes that are pulsating with the work of your heartbeat.

“I shouldn’t have—” he begins.

“No,” you say. “You did exactly what you should have.”

“I couldn’t stop.”

“But you did.” You wipe the blood from his mouth. “And I felt you. I only felt you.”

The living room passes by you. Before you know it, your back lands on something much softer than a concrete wall. He’s not a monster, that one, but he surely is an animal.

You taste your blood on Matt’s luscious lips as he devours your tongue. It tastes of copper and a little bitter, but that is what makes him moan. That sound is the last thing you could ever grow tired of.

His palm rests on your chest. Your heart pounds against his palm. “You’re so alive,” he says.

You cradle his face in your hands. “And you’re more human than you think.”

If he wanted to pull your heart out and hold it, you would let him in a heartbeat.

He leans you back. He strips you bare. He kisses down your body like you are a fucking masterpiece for him to explore. That is how he sees you.

Your head falls back. The kisses wander from your hips to the inside of your thighs. Every kiss brings his breath closer to your center. Matt pulls them apart. He opens you up to him. Your scent clouds his senses, and he groans, but he doesn’t touch.

His fangs graze your skin. “Mine,” he growls.

You gasp. He bites into the sensitive flesh. Hard, passionately. Your legs wrap around his head, trapping him there. He sucks, and he sucks, and he drinks, and the wetness pools out of your cunt in an obscene amount. This is foreplay to him. It drives you toward the edge leading to an abyss you are afraid you might never be able to crawl back out of. There is no bottom, it is just a pit, and he’s pushing you closer and closer, and—

Your back arches, but he pulls away before the coil can snap into a million butterflies. He pries your legs away from his head, spreading them further on the mattress, as far apart as they will go.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner have been served on a silver platter. He breathes in. The scent of your soaked pussy sticks to the hairs in his nose. It isn’t enough. He breathes in again, your arousal sweeter than fiction. You’re everything and more. He wants to taste that part of you more than anything, suck up the slick that is soaking the sheets—and you didn’t even think that was possible—but he waits because he needs to savor it. He doesn’t want it to be over too soon. neither for him nor for you.

The blood is still dripping from his tongue and his fangs, and the raw inside of your thigh. He runs his finger through it. The sting runs from the wound to your folds, then back down. Still, he doesn’t touch. He plays with the blood, sucking on his fingers until they’re clean, and then he dives back in for a taste. He doesn’t bite, he kisses and sucks, but he doesn’t push it further. He doesn’t hurt you.

You’re his saving grace; he has to worship you. Pain only has a place in pleasure.

“Matthew,” you moan.

He chuckles, kissing where his fangs left deep indentations. “No one will ever touch you again,” he purrs. “I’ll make sure of that.”

You try to protest, but the words die on your tongue when he leans in, capturing your clit with his hungry mouth. The wound on your thigh closes. The blood from his lips mixes with your juices, and you cry out at the intensity of it all.

He eats you with the ferocity of a man starved for weeks. He eats your pussy like he ate your blood, savoring every drop but still feasting for the taste to spread out in his mouth like wildfire. Sour, sweet, and copper. He sucks your sensitive clit into his mouth. His tongue drags through your folds, up and down, and then the tip slides inside, tasting your walls. He grows bolder as your moans accelerate.

Matt cradles your thighs. He forces your hips back down to the mattress, stronger than the average human man. You have to endure his beard scratching and burning, and the pace he has set.

The orgasm creeps up on you. Before you know it, he has plunged his tongue into you, and your body convulses around him. You scream into a pillow as you come.

You are each other’s forbidden fruit. No prayer in the world could keep you apart.

Faintly, you can hear him say, “Good girl.” Your legs quiver. He pulls away, then comes right back like a boomerang.

He’s warm now. He was cold before, but when he kisses you this time, he’s warm. He’s hot. You run your hands over his bare chest, the scars that lie under the dark strands of hair. You tug at it, and he moans. You can tell he is a little insecure, but by pressing your lips to one of the cuts on his shoulder, he relaxes.

What he must have endured, what he must have lived through before he died and was resurrected in the same breath, just without a beating heart—you don’t want to think about it or you will break, but you can still feel him through the crimson tie that holds you together, and you know that he has suffered enough for more than two lifetimes. You wish you could take it all away from him. You wish you could have saved him before it was too late, loved him more than the woman who turned him, but turning back time is an impossibility. You are both acutely aware of that.

“Hey.” Matt tilts your head toward him. “Where did you just go?” he asks.

“Thinking about you,” you murmur.

“Me?”

“You.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to be your salvation.”

You. His salvation. He kisses you, softly this time. He pours gratitude into his lips and bleeds them out in poetry as they slide into your mouth, and you swallow every last drop.

If someone had told you a week ago where you would see yourself on that particular Monday, you would have laughed at them. And if someone had told you a week ago that you would be making love to the devil, you would have called them crazy. But it’s happening.

He thrusts into you without a warning. His thick cock fills you like nothing and no one ever has before. Your cunt has been molded to fit him, you’re sure. You take him in, and you moan at the stretch. It’s a pain so delicious you could fall apart right then and there just from the feel of him inside you.

Every thrust drags the tip of his cock along your sweet spot. Every added sensation drives you closer to your death.

Your body tingles. He explores your face with his lips rather than his fingers, moving to your neck again. You cling to him, oh-so-desperate for him. He likes you like that, and you like him like that.

“You’re fucking with my head,” he tells you. “Offering your pussy to a vampire. Letting me drink your blood. Begging me to fuck you. You’re in my head, baby. Can’t get you out of my system. Fuck.”

You are his downfall, his salvation, but he is all of those things to you as well—all of those things and more. If he could read your mind, you would tell him that. Words can’t do justice to how you feel. Not right now, maybe not ever.

“Bite me again,” you beg.

His thrusts falter. He searches your body for any sign of regret. His fangs come out, and he buries them deep in your jugular vein. The floodgates open wide. Your walls clench around his cock, your clit pulsates, and the wave crashes into you.

You come as he devours your neck and your blood. You transcend into another dimension, far away from everything and everyone but never him. Never Matthew.

The sensation of you wraps around him like a weighted blanket. His balls tighten, your blood unfolding its taste on his tongue. You are all over him, inside of him, everywhere at once. He falls head-first, dragging you down with him.

He comes with a shout that is only muffled through his teeth buried in your flesh, his cum spurting into you and filling your cunt to the brim. Your eyes roll back. You’re flying and falling all at once.

Oh, how good it feels to be consumed by him. To be fucked and sucked dry. You would have never expected this to come out of your week, let alone your life, but now that it has happened, you are floating on cloud nine.

Dizziness threatens to take over, but before you can pass out, he forces himself away, allowing your heart to catch up with the lack of blood in your system. He collapses on top of you. His cock softens, but he stays inside. You need him there. You want him there. And that is the only place he wants to rest tonight.

He heals the wounds on your neck. “You have a mark,” Matt rasps, tracing your skin with his finger.

You choke out, “Yours.”

“Yes, you are.” He kisses you there. Once, twice, even a third time. “Mine,” he says.

You’re his. He’s yours. It doesn’t get any better than this.

The minutes tick away on the obnoxious clock on the wall. Matt pulls out eventually, wrapping you up in a blanket. He coaxes you to drink, but you’re barely lucid. Only when he begins to stroke your hair you start coming back to yourself. You thought you might regret it, but as you look at him, his almost guilty eyes staring back at you, all you can do is reach out for him.

“Session two tomorrow?” you ask.

He chuckles and retorts, “Have I not scared you away?” There is some truth to it though.

He’s covered in your blood. It sticks to his lips, his hands, and his chest. It’s sickeningly intimate, in a way.

You shake your head in response. “You could not possibly.”

He listens to your heartbeat. You’re as honest as they come.

“Okay,” Matt says. “Session two tomorrow then.”

That night, you fell in love with the Devil, but he also fell in love with you, his angel in the form of a reckless journalist, and the only blood he ever wants to taste again until the end of his miserable, cursed days.

Matt Murdock (Smut) Tag List: @shouldbestudying41 @theradioactivespidergwen @cheshirecat484 @1988-fiend @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @linamarr @mcugeekposts @itwasthereaminuteago @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @etanordoesbullsh1t @thychuvaluswife @harleycao @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @sya-skies @amberritonicole @ravenclaw617 @pigeonmama @bohemianrhapsody86 @a-girl-has-n0-name @winkev1 @callsign-ember @chittaphonstar @buckyyyismahhlife

#matt murdock #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock smut #matt murdock x fem!reader #matt murdock x you #vampire!matt murdock #matt murdock angst #daredevil #x reader #interview with the vampire #charlie cox #alternate universe #reader insert

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collapsedglasshouses · 1 year ago

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Consequences || Noah Sebastian x Reader [Part 5]

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Summary: Figuring out when and how to tell Nick about Y/N's and Noah’s relationship wasn’t as easy as originally thought.

Warnings: 18+, MDNI, mentions of alcohol consumption/drinking, mentions of throwing up, NSFW, SMUT, fingering, handjob, unprotected sex (p in v) (don’t do that kids!), swearing, angsty, fluffy, smutty, EVERYTHING, PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I FORGOT SOMETHING

Taglist: @jakekiszkasguitarpick @blackveilomens @kingdomof-omens @a1ex-ba1ex

A/N: Hello cuties! As heartbreaking as it is, this is the final part of the Consequences Series. I’m actually kinda proud of myself since this was my first published work in English! At the end I also wrote a little text so imma just say this here: I'm not ready to say goodbye to this fic but I hope I found a good finish to it. Enjoy and let me know if you liked it 🫶🏻

The first time you and Noah almost told Nick was New Year’s Eve…

"We need to go outside again." You mumbled while Noah was peppering kisses on your neck and he hummed in agreement. It was New Year Eve and therefore another two weeks had past that were filled with sneaky touches and kisses from you or Noah.

You hadn't found the time to tell your brother about your little affair that bloomed into a full-blown relationship. Much to the dismiss of Jolly, who was the only one knowing about this whole thing. He even made it very clear that you two owed him something since he didn't even come to the hotel room that night. He decided to play black out drunk and ended up in the middle of the king size bed your brother and Folio shared.

You felt Noah’s hands sneak under your shirt, while he pressed himself against you. You felt how hard he was, but you also knew that it was about ten minutes before midnight and you couldn’t just spend them fucking your boyfriend in the bathroom, while all your friends were celebrating downstairs, not even knowing you were dating.

“We really need to go outside again, Noah.” You almost moaned out. It was pointless anyway to pretend that you had even an ounce of control when it came to him. Everyday for the last two weeks was filled with the two of you having sex in every little corner of your apartment. Much to the dismiss of your upstairs neighbors, but they had owed you something for the past two years of them shouting at each other non-stop at every possible time of day.

“Just two more minutes.” He groaned in your ear and his hand nearly had slipped through the waistband of your shorts, but you quickly turned around to face him before it was too late. “If we don’t go now, we miss New Year.” – “Y/N, we have 365 days left of 2023, I think it’s not possible for us to miss the new year except we die in the next ten minutes.” He stated making you roll your eyes, before you stood on tiptoes and kissed his nose.

"Give me a second." He than exclaimed, eyeing down to his pants where his boner still clearly made an appearance. You giggle quietly, before giving him some space.

When he was ready, you grabbed his hand and made your way outside with him, making sure to let go of his hand right in time before anyone could notice. While the others were busy chatting, Jolly shot you two a knowing gaze before you grabbed your drink that you left in Jolly’s hand and turned your attention to the group in front of you. Noah stood close next to you due to the temperatures.

You couldn’t believe the year was already coming to an end. Everything was so fucking different from last years New Years Eve, but you wouldn’t have changed a thing. You were here with your closest friends and your boyfriend, who also happened to be your best friend in the whole world.

"Next year is going to be so awesome. So many tour dates and we can finally work on album number 4." Folio rambled happily before taking a sip out of his cup. You on the other hand began to think. You were so happy with Noah but you needed to realise that you weren't going to have that much time together all the time. While you had the luck of working from home most of the time, Noah's job was to tour the world. You had been on a couple of stops with them while they toured and you totally got why they loved it so much. You loved seeing them perform. You loved the energy. It warmed your heart to know they finally could do what they loved all the time.

As if Nick had heard your thoughts, he sighed. "Maybe you should come with us for the next tour, Y/N" - "What?" - "You heard me right. You always join us for a couple of days and you love it. Maybe you can organize it with work that they don't need you in the office for a couple of weeks."

First your eyes met Noah's with surprise who showed you a warm smile, than your gaze wandered to Folio who looked at you awaiting an answer, so did Jolly. When you looked back at your brother's eyes he also smiled widely at you. "I-... I'd love to. I'll see what I can do."

With that Folio gave you such a big hug, he even lifted you off the ground, making you scream. When he finally let you down again, you tried to fix your clothes that were now a lot more wrinkly than they already were from your's and Noah's activities in the bathroom before.

"Next year is going to be even better than this." Jolly exclaimed, making you chuckle a little. "What?" - "I don't know, that sounded like a white woman's Instagram caption." You answered your friend, making the others laugh while Jolly looked at you offended. "Leave me and my white woman's captions alone, Y/N."

"Okay, stop the fighting. One minute to go." Jesse than interrupted your little argument and joined together with the others attending your small party.

You made sure to stand between your brother and Noah, who not so secretly grabbed your hand while the countdown started.

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

You felt a squeeze on your hand and looked at Noah. He gave you the sweetest smile ever.

3...

2...

Was he really going to-...

1...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Your heart raced when Noah bent down a little and than...

...placed a long and sweet kiss on your cheek before hugging you tightly. You automatically wrapped your arms around his neck and returned his hug even more tightly.

"Happy New Year, Y/N" - "Happy New Year and to many more, Noah."

With that you let go of each other but before you went on to hug the others, you smiled at each other knowingly.

This year was definitely going to be great...

The next morning didn't start as great for you as you thought though. You woke up with the biggest headache you ever had and felt like you needed to throw up any minute. The light from outside burned in your eyes and when you realised you weren't laying in the guest bedroom, you shot up and almost instantly regretted it, immediately feeling even more nauseous.

You quickly scanned the room, realizing you were on the living room couch. You almost let out a scream when you felt someone next to you shift. It was Noah. Why did you sleep on the couch with him?

"Good Morning, love." He mumbled next to you, brushed your hair out of your face and than instantly noticed your confused look. "Why did we sleep here?"

"You got so drunk, you lay down here and instantly fell asleep." He answered. "And why are you here?" - "You don't remember?" - "Remember what?"

"Jolly and I did our utter best keeping you from telling Nick that we are together for about 1000 times. In the end you didn’t let me go and insisted on me staying with you right before you fell dead asleep." Noah answered you, while your mouth fell open.

"He is right, you were really talkative last night." Jolly suddenly said from the other side of the room, causing you to scream out in fear and instantly regretting it.

Quickly you stood up and made your way to the bathroom and puked. When you felt a little better, you got up and rinsed your mouth before looking in the mirror. You realised someone had taken your make up off.

"Your welcome." Noah said, standing in the door frame, making you jump a little. "Could you all please stop scaring me."

"Sorry." He mouthed before stepping behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. She sighed, instantly relaxing, when his head fell onto your shoulder.

"Should I make you a cup of tea or something?" Noah asked and you looked him in the eyes through the mirror. His voice was still raspy from sleep and it gave you instant goose bumps. When you were honest with yourself, you couldn't believe you pulled his ass. He was the most beautiful man you ever laid eyes on.

"If it doesn't bother you." - "You never bother me." With that he placed a kiss to your temple and headed of to the kitchen.

After you brushed your teeth, you followed him, finding that Jolly had also found himself at the kitchen counter.

"Are the others still sleeping?" You asked, sitting down next to Jolly. "I think so, it's only 9 AM and we were awake until 4:30..."

"What the hell did I do last night?" You than wanted to know, causing Noah and Jolly to shoot each other knowing glances.

You looked back and forth between them until Jolly finally started to talk. "You want me to start with the first one or the funniest one?" - "Just tell me."

"I think the best one was when you were about five shots in, you grabbed your brother by the collar and almost shouted into his ear how in love you are with Noah." Jolly laughed. "WHAT?" You looked at your boyfriend who nodded slightly while setting a cup of tea down in front of you. The memory slightly started to form in your head.

"You know what, Nick?" - "Yes, Y/N?" - "I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH-..." Jolly instantly came to your rescue. "ALL OF US... uhm... She loves all of us, isn't that right, Y/N." - "Yeah, totally but I REALLY love-..." - "This tequila shot!" Jolly quickly shoved the shot into your hand and with that you forgot what you wanted to tell your brother and drank it.

"Oh my god, I want to die." You cried out in embarrassment and set your head down on the kitchen counter.

"Why that?" You heard your brother ask behind you. And the game began again...

"She is hungover." Noah quickly answered for you and than you felt a hand on your back. Your brother's.

"Maybe drink five tequila shots less next time." - "I'll consider it."

When you looked up again and grabbed your tea cup to drink from it, your eyes locked with Noah's, who was leaning against the wall across from you. You knew this couldn't go on like this forever but for now it needed to be.

The second time Nick almost found out was not even a month later...

The house was almost creepily empty when you arrived at Noah's place three hours ago. After work you decided to give the boys a visit, only texting Nick but you didn’t receive an answer before arriving, just to find out your boyfriend was the only one home.

But you certainly didn't complain that you had the house all to yourself. The two of you had decided to play some video games like you always did. So you found yourself laying between his legs, leaned against his chest.

You were surprised Noah even took the time to just play video games with you since he mutated into a workaholic with the band stuff going that well. He normally always had an excuse to work on something music related but since you got together you had a feeling he finally gave himself some deserved rest.

"Fuck this, I give up." He cursed out about ten minutes later after you died almost ten times in a row at the same point in the game. You gave him a confused side eye. "Are you really this offended by the game now?" - "I think you should watch your mouth, Y/N." He replied and softly shoved you away from him. "Or what, Noah?"

You turned around between his legs to look him in the eyes. His irises immediately darkened while you sneaked up to him and than straddled his lap. Still not changing his slightly angry face, he placed his hands on your hips. "Don't tease me, Y/N"

"I would never." You sweetly answered him before moving your hips once and than leaning down to pepper kisses on his neck. "I don't know how you got that idea."

You heard him breathe loudly when you slightly nibbled on his earlobe.

With that it took only about a minute before you two sat there only in your underwear.

Noah slowly kissed his way down your neck, finding your sweet spot and started sucking on it. You slightly moaned and than your hand quickly found it’s way in between you two. First you stroked him through his underwear a couple of times, causing him to bite down on your neck and bringing out a tone from you that made him buck up his hips.

"Fuck, Y/N. You drive me insane." He moans in your ear.

With that you slowly pulled down his underwear. He made sure to press his lips on yours again when you slowly let your hand slide up and down his cock. His heavy breaths against you face sent a wave of heat to your core and before you knew his hand also wandered between you and pulled your underwear to the side.

Skilfully he found your clit and started circling it.

"Fuck, Noah." You moaned into his mouth, feeling yourself getting even more wet.

When he bucked his hips up again, you knew this wasn’t enough anymore.

"I need you, Y/N." Noah than whispered against your lips. „Now."

With that you quickly repositioned yourself, letting his tip go through your folds a couple of times before slowly gliding down his cock. Causing the both of you to moan in pleasure.

You let yourself adjust for a couple of seconds while Noah placed soft kisses on your lips.

"You are so fucking beautiful." He muttered against your lips and before you slowly start to move, you brush his hair out of his face. "You're even more beautiful." The smile that spread on his face, gave you goose bumps.

When you slowly began to move, his hands instantly found your hips, giving you a bit of guidance while you tried to take in every second that's happening before you.

You still couldn’t believe this whole thing was actually happening. Every fiber of your body was screaming for him. You wanted nothing more than to belong to him.

So when his arms wrapped around you and made you lay flat on his chest while he started pumping up into you, you could help but exclaim your thoughts. "God, I love you so much."

When you felt your orgasm built up, you were more than pleasantly surprised when Noah spoke up again. "Fuck, Y/N. I'm so close." He moaned in your ear and sent shivers down your spine.

"I need you to cum for me, Noah." You whined in his ear and you almost found your highs when suddenly…

… There was a knock on the door.

That’s when Noah and you came at the same time while trying to tame each others moans with a kiss. You felt his cum spread inside of you.

Than there was a second knock. It shot you right back to reality. You two looked at each other mortified while quickly separating from each other.

"Give us a second." Noah exclaimed frustrated trying to shuffle into his clothes without falling to the ground, while you tried to do the same, with the little extra add on that you felt his cum slowly dripping out of you.

"Is everything okay?" You heard your brother's voice from the other side of the door while you searched for your shirt. You randomly grabbed the black one, laying next to the bed and threw it over your head before fixing your hair and positioning yourself on the edge of Noah's bed.

Noah in the meantime found it’s way to the door and opened it for your brother.

"How can we help you?" Noah asked Nick.

"I wanted to ask if you two want to-…" Nick stopped in his tracks when he saw you sitting on Noah‘s bed while probably having the most "I'm not guilty"-gaze on your face that you ever had, but Nick's eyes focused on your shirt.

"Why are you wearing Noah's shirt?" Your brother asked you and with that Noah's gaze also landed on you with widened eyes.

Quickly you looked down to see there was no doubt you were wearing Noah's shirt, since it was his iconic Cher t-shirt.

You swallowed hard before looking back at your brother and quickly defended yourself. "I spilled my drink over my shirt and Noah was so kind to borrow me his."

Nick looked between you and Noah a couple of times before clearing his throat. "I wanted to ask you if you wanted to watch a movie with us downstairs. Jolly is making popcorn right now so… We would start in five minutes."

With that he gave you two another concerned look before leaving Noah's room, causing you to relax again.

"Oh my fucking god." You whisper-shouted at him the second his door is closed again.

"I didn’t mean to… You know…" Noah mumbled.

"Cum inside of me while my brother was literally standing in front of your door?" You cried out, feeling how is cum had dripped onto his bed. "When I say it like this it sound so weird."

Noah nodded before sitting down next to you.

"Imma have to ask you something before we can go downstairs…" You began. "Helping you clean up? No problem, you can also borrow underwear from me, no one will notice it under your pants."

You gave him a thankful look, before grabbing his collar and kissing him again. After that you two cleaned up the mess you made before both standing in the middle of his room.

"Are you ready to be totally platonic friends again?" He asked while wrapping his arms around you and placing a kiss on the top of your head.

„You mean, we JUST PRETEND?" You giggled before stepping towards the door.

"I hate you, Y/N." - "No, you love me."

Noah smirked at you while rolling his eyes before following you downstairs…

The third time you didn’t tell Nick, it made things even worse…

"Tell me, Noah. Is this all a joke to you?" You asked Noah while he leaned on the kitchen counter.

You two had been out together when a fan approached you and asked for a picture. That wouldn’t have been a problem. They knew you since you spooked around almost every tour the boys played. The problem was how Noah openly flirted with the young lady.

You normally weren’t really jealous but somehow this just kicked the air out of your lungs.

"To me? Are you kidding me, Y/N? You are literally the one who is almost begging to keep our whole relationship a secret!" Noah answered you, crossing his arms in front of his body.

You would have lied if you said you didn’t know this was coming sooner or later. But you were just so afraid.

"I'm not… I… I just-…" You mumbled, seemingly not able to find the right words.

"You what, Y/N?" Noah almost spit out "You realised you liked us better when we were just friends?" - "No, Noah… I…"

"Then fucking explain why we are keeping this a secret? We've been dating for almost three months and nobody knows it, except Jolly!" Noah yelled at you, making you shrink a little.

Your mind started to race. You knew you acted stupid but you were just so afraid everything would change when you let the others know. You loved having this whole thing all to yourself.

You realised you had been quiet for too long when Noah sighed.

"You know what? Maybe this really was a mistake…" You felt your heart shatter to pieces when Noah walked over to your couch and grabbed his jacket before attempting to leave your apartment.

"Noah, wait!" You shouted after him but he headed out the door and slammed the front door right in your face.

You quickly ran after him, continuing to shout for him to stop.

"Noah, please wait." He was still walking straight to his car. You wrapped your arms around you since it was already dark outside and you hadn’t thought about grabbing a jacket.

"Don't fucking ignore me, Noah Sebastian!" You snapped and finally brought him to stop.

"Than tell my why the fuck you’re avoiding to tell Nick that we are dating?" He asked you with no emotion in his tone.

This was exactly what you didn’t want to happened. You could recall exactly how you told him you wouldn’t want to be the one to hurt him since you two saw each other get hurt by others way to many times.

"This is exactly what I meant back at the hotel room when I told you I don’t want to hurt you." - "Well congrats, Y/N, you fucking did, since I'm not even worthy to be your official boyfriend."

He attempted to open his car door but you found your way between him and the door.

"Step aside, Y/N." - "I'm afraid he will hate us."

"Why the fuck should he, Y/N? We’re literally adults! It isn’t weird that we fell in love. We literally have been attached at the hip since we were… what? 12?" Noah responded, not seeming even a bit calmer.

"I just don’t want this to change!" You than exclaimed and made things even worse.

His eyes changed again. They almost seemed glossy. His next words shot you right in the heart. "Well, if you don’t want this whole secret little thing to change, it means you don’t want to be with me."

With that he gentle shoved you to the side and got into his car.

"Noah, please don’t do this!" You shouted when he closed the door. You knocked against his window but he didn’t even look at you again before driving off.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

The forth time you had the chance to tell Nick, you did waste no time…

It took you about two hours to gather your confidence before you got into your car and drove to the boys' house.

When you parked in front of the house, your heart was racing. You knew you needed to clarify this now and you would not let anyone or anything hold you off.

You took a deep breath before getting out of you car and going up to the door to ring the bell.

To your surprise it was Noah who opened the door. His expression instantly darkened when he saw you. That hurt you more than words could ever do.

"What do you want?" He asked you plainly. "Let me in."

When he continued to stare at you blankly, not allowing you entry, you took your chance to slip inside when you saw Nick walk by.

"Nick, I need to talk to you!" You yelled at your brother, who stopped in his tracks to look at the two of you confused.

"What’s going on?" He wanted to know, crossing his arms in front of his body, concerned by your expression.

"I'm in love with Noah." You directly shouted out, without thinking twice. You needed to do it now.

If Nick didn’t already look confused, he definitely did now.

"And Noah and I've been dating for almost three months." With that Nick's eyebrows lifted.

"And I didn’t tell you because I was scared that it will change everything but to be honest… I was fucking stupid… Noah is by far the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole entire life." You took a breath. "And I know this is a lot to process for you right now, but I am so in love with Noah it hurts and it hurts even more when I hurt him just because I’m to scared to tell my brother that I love him." You rambled.

With that silence came over the entrance room. You again took a deep breath. Right now you were more than relieved that seemingly no one else was downstairs except the three of you. Not everyone needed to hear your meltdown.

"So… you two are-…" Nick fumbled with his hands. You quickly looked at Noah, who seemed to have frozen in his place, just staring at you surprised.

"Yes… Yes, we are dating." You answered for the both of you, even though Noah technically broke up with you about two hours ago.

"And you’ve been dating since-…" - "The wedding in December." - "When you two left early that evening you were-…" - "Yes." - "Eww."

It went quiet again. Your brother seemed to process what you said to him while your hands sweated like crazy.

"And you aren’t kidding me?" - "Why should I?"

"Your telling me, you just started dating in December and not much earlier?" Your brother asked confused, causing you to start your rant again: "Yes, Nick. And I will not defend myse-… what do you mean 'not earlier'?"

"You guys have been eye-fucking each other since when? A year now?" Nick explained with a hint of disgust in his face. "Which, first of all, is super gross but it would have been weirder if I had brought it up."

"WHAT?" Noah was the one to exclaim that.

"Oh man, don’t try to argue with me… You were basically all over her other ever since Y/N and her ex broke up." Nick than said. "Starting with your private movie nights and ending with Y/N knowing about song ideas that I didn’t even know about."

"So you’re not mad?" You shyly asked your older brother, who chuckled a bit.

"Why should I? I'm actually surprised it took you so long… You were always slightly to close for your own good, ever since that night almost ten years ago… you know the video…" Again, while your brother looked slightly disgusted at the memory, Noah and you looked at each other knowingly.

"After you and your ex broke up, I was so convinced you two were already seeing each other and I'm not exactly blind or delusional, Y/N. At the very latest I knew you two were at least hooking up when you were sitting in Noah’s room with his shirt on and you two looking like total messes." Nick than proceeded to explain, causing your cheeks to heat up.

„So you just guessed it by yourself?" Noah than wanted to know from his best friend. "Maybe Jolly also kinda indicated that you two hooked up on my birthday, which I will never forgive you by the way!"

You looked totally flabbergasted by your brother's words and one look at Noah revealed he maybe looked even more surprised than you.

"So what? You gonna make up now?" Nick asked, already starting to move to the stairs. "You don’t have a reason to fight anymore. I won’t hate you… nobody will… You two are literally the two most important people in my life and I always thought you would eventually end up together. So don’t be so hard on yourselves."

With that Nick turned on his heel and left the two of you alone.

"I-…" You wanted to start but didn’t know what to say. "Yeah, I know." Noah just answered.

"I'm so sorry Noah. I should have just jumped over my shadow." You mumbled and turned to face him completely. He had taken a couple of steps towards you. "You are literally so important to me. I'm deeply sorry for hurting you and-…"

"Would you mind if you could shut up now and let me kiss you?" Noah than interrupted you and before you knew he grabbed your face with his hands and brought your lips together.

Everything inside of you started to tingle. You felt like a child laying in bed the night before their birthday. You felt like a teenage girl kissing her crush for the first time. Somehow this was also kind of true because when you thought about it… He was the one you always loved.

Ever since you had laid eyes on him, deep down you knew it was him. He was your person and you knew nothing on this planet would change the fact that you two loved each other deeply.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS THE END. I BEGAN TO WRITE THE FIRST PART ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO BUT ALWAYS WAS WAY TO SHY TO POST IT ON TUMBLR. MY BOYFRIEND CONVINCED ME IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA AND WHEN I FINALLY DID, I DIDN'T KNOW THE BAD OMENS TUMBLR COMMUNITY WOULD WELCOME ME WITH OPEN ARMS. SO… THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO KIND AND I HOPE TO READ YOU ON MY NEXT WORKS! ~JAZZ ❤️

#bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian x reader #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fic #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian fanfic #bad omens rpf #collapsedglasshouseswrites #bad omens cult #rpf

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solarzilla · 15 days ago

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Fate brain worms were keeping me up last night so I also had thoughts on how a King Kong heroic spirit could work. Since most Kongs are shorter than godzilla and in-turn shorter than Kingprotea, he could actually have an easier time fitting in Chaldea, with his shortest height being 7.62 meters tall from the 2005 movie. A way to be meta with his look is that he could start out as his actual stop motion model but blown to actual in-universe size, though magecraft would be used to help move like the actual process. Besides the abilities that come from being a giant gorilla, I had thought of him having the ability to shapeshift to other clay-based creatures from the 1933 movie. Kong also shown to have an affinity for electricity, so he doesn't just have to rely on brute force. If in-game ascensions were incorporated, his second form could be his Toho Showa suit or his suitmation look from the 76 film, so you would put my earlier Godzilla idea here but though he could eventually go full "flesh and blood" as like Godzilla, he eventually went full cgi. Feel like he can go from Berserker to Ruler and Avenger. His noble phantasm could either involve the planes that had originally shot him down, this time being turned on a enemy, or signature jaw breaking move.

Some other quick ideas for toku characters being Servants are Godzilla 1998/Zilla, and my first-Class idea for him was Pretender & Alter Ego. An easy one could be that it starts with him being Godzilla and eventually identifying as Zilla as his 98 self and the one used in Final Wars are technically separate characters. Though a more positive spin is that he starts out as the Zilla character but its eventually shown that he is the Godzilla Junior from the Animated series which was much more liked compared to the movie and having more qualities aligned with the Big G. I've also thought of Rhedosaurus having a similar class, as it was the big reptilian monster before Godzilla was a thing and would inspire the creation of the latter & Gamera as well. As for Gamera, he could also have my suit idea though ironically his Showa self is actually taller than Godzilla tho his shortest is 30-35 meters, a bit similar to Kingprotea. Feel like he could be an Avenger or Ruler as he is primarily the guardian of Earth and children, though maybe he can get a Saber classification due to his elbow spikes, as well as Rider since he uses his shell to get around. Feel like his NP can range from his Banishing Fist, Ultimate Plasma, or a Self-Destruct which ironically mirrors Burning Godzilla. Well thats it for now, will try to think of other stuff for guys like Ultra, Rider, and any Rangers

#fate grand order #fate #fate series #fgo

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thegeminisage · 9 months ago

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star trek update time. last night we did the maquis parts 1 & 2 because i simply did not want to deal w tng.

the maquis (ds9)

standout moment for me in this entire two-parter was sisko's speech. ESPECIALLY good that in a fit of frustration he delivers it to kira and kira alone, whomst he maybe did shout a little bit at earlier because tensions were so high, and then he has the grace to look embarrassed and say he's glad someone understands. like it was the EXACT same thing she was yelling about earlier and he didn't take her as seriously as he might have, like, not in a delegitimizing way, but in a way that says he hasn't experienced that kind of helpless frustration for himself. and then he got to experience just the tiniest slice of what kira has and he Got It. you know?

ALSO SOOO TRUE THE PROBLEM IS EARTH!!!! it's easy to be a saint when you live in utopia. quark had a similar speech earlier in this series about how humans are friendly and wonderful when they have full bellies and working holosuites and they turn vicious without them. ds9 knows whats up

it's tempting to blame all this on picard but while picard did NOT act with honor the true villain is the nameless faceless politician that decided this would be a good boundary to draw and absolutely no one would have any problems with it. it's weird to me, in the age of constantly calling our government officials to make sure they don't cancel healthcare or tell them to stop bombing people, that no one would try to get to the bottom of this and figure out which person they're supposed to call to tell them it was a dumb idea and demand they change it. like, the border is drawn like this, it's an immutable fact of life and it's not gonna change. it feels so weird

anyway, kira was GREAT in this episode. she has so much to be angry about and so much she wants to give to make sure nobody has to suffer what she did. like she's so passionate about it and it comes from a place of love or at least compassion and it's such a nice detail. that she's so angry all the time because of love. man. she's so great

i recognized one of the maquis guys from tng i think! well, i'm bad with faces but it was at least one of the same costumes. i'm so sorry dude rip

one of the maquis guys has a passing resemblance to barclay. really jumpscared me

should have known hudson was a villain bc he asked inappropriate questions about dax. however, it was funny that sisko laughed off the idea of them sleeping together when they fucked twins or whatever

i liked the jennifer mention :( im sad sisko and cal couldn't make up...he tried until the very end

what i love about the ethical debate is that theyre both right. the maquis are right because the new border IS shit. it IS unfair and they DID get abandoned to the tender mercies of the cardassians, who are sure as shit not gonna let them stay there unbothered (that tng episode painting this as a happy ending...AS IF). like, they have every right to defend themselves since no one else is gonna do it

but sisko is ALSO RIGHT because escalating the conflict into full-blown warfare is gonna get even MORE people killed and make things even MORE miserable for the colonies affected, who have already been through more than enough. the colonists can make life harder for the cardassians, just like the bajorans did, but they can't actually win a war, they can only drive themselves into the ground doing it. at BEST they will make some nameless faceless border-drawer think twice the next time they draw a border

like, that's why i'm so shocked nobody suggested calling the politicians to making them redraw it. it's the only third option?!?!

quark and the vulcan was so funny. shoot your shot, buddy, even though you lost the love of your life two episodes ago. i was a little insulted he managed to out-logic her, but also reluctantly impressed. quark is always entertaining, i just wish he had a LITTLE more depth.

gul dukat...i admit i never gave him a second thought before this episode. now i am reaffirmed in my belief that all cardassians are gay. he exhibits such an energy. i really liked the part where he put the fear of god into the weapons runner even though sisko was ready to sit on him to keep him from touching the torpedo controls. such a fun dynamic for him to be going "murder? :D?" and for sisko to be playing straight man and yanking him down by the scruff of his neck every 5 minutes. fun fun fun. i do think he should have kept his mouth shut when he and kira were in the same room though. like i think he should have just chosen to not speak unless prompted.

i like how twice odo's ability to maintain security at the station was called into question and both times sisko was like oh absolutely not. and even still, the tension was nearly enough to cause in-fighting in what has become a pretty friendly group. it's both surprising and unsurprising how quickly they drew the battle lines, but even the non-federation people, kira and odo, snapped at each other. LITERALLY CALL THE POLITICIANS. EARTH IS THE PROBLEM

my one real nitpick is that i don't think it should be possible to resist a mind meld with "discipline." like, it's more interesting if cardassians have a special immunity, or if this particular vulcan is bad at it. i just don't buy that gul dukat happens to be that cool, it's too convenient. why bring up the mind meld at all in that case

otherwise 10/10 i had a fantastic time

TONIGHT: devil's deal means we have double tng, "firstborn" and "bloodlines." something about alexander and daimon bok from season 1??? looks rank. wish us luck.

#personal #star trek blogging #ds9 lb

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wildmtthyme · 9 months ago

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Chapter 6: Duty Calls

Warnings: Slight abandonment issues if you squint.

Chapter Notes: None.

Synopsis: Simon was no stranger to torture and frankly, as far as torture went? This was pretty tame. What he hadn't ever experienced before, however, was coming out the other side with more than when he went in. - A random drabble that turned into a full blown story. The original title had been "Fairytale Stuff" but I changed it after some thought.

<- Chapter 5 - Chapter 7 ->

Series Masterlist

A week later, he got his first deployment notice. And he found himself in the rather uncomfortable position of having to tell her that he’d be leaving for what was only supposed to be a month but could honestly be anywhere from that to three or four months. She… didn’t take it well.

He clinched his jaw as he stood in her living room, arms folded over his chest as she sat near frozen on the couch he helped her move in here. Where? He shook his head. He hadn’t removed his mask… he couldn’t. Not right now. His gear was all still on, too. Wh… how long again? “One month.” Are you sure? He shook his head.

He’d never had to do… this… before. The only people who gave a shit about him were people he was going with so… he was out of his depth. Will you be able to call me? He lifted a single shoulder in a rare show of uncertainty. Will I know anything? Another hesitation before he gave another shrug. Do you know anything? She had a bite to those words, frustration bleeding into them.

His eyes flicked down to her, since he’d been just staring at the wall over her head. But she was digging her fingers into her hair, her elbows on her knees. How the hell could he tell her that he didn’t fucking like this either? That for the first time in his career, he didn’t like this shit. He didn’t want to leave her here unprotected and alone. If he could, and he knew how incredibly stupid it was, he’d take her with him. But a warzone was no place for her. Even if he knew she was tough as nails. “I’ll call if I can.” He heard himself say. Fuck… those words sounded so damned cheesy. When are you leaving? He frowned then.

“In the morning.” She looked up at him then, her eyes big and round, her lips slack. So soon?! He swallowed down the sudden tension in his throat and gave her a curt nod. He watched her look around as if she were still kind of processing that. Are… are you staying here tonight? He tightened the muscles around his mouth and didn’t say anything. She looked back at him and he shook his head no. He watched her give him a subtle nod but it was shaky.

Shit, why the hell did it feel like he was doing something wrong?! He needed to study the mission details and get caught up with a lot of shit just like the rest of the team and he couldn’t do that here! His fingers ached from how tight he was gripping his biceps… his hands itched to reach out to her. “I… I gotta—” Wait! He had started to say he had to go… but she was on her feet in a flash, darting out of her sitting room.

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and paced a few anxious steps. He took a deep breath and tried to tell himself that this was… this was fine. This was… this was just how—she hurried back into the room, holding something out to him. Her eyes were blood-shot and glassy. She sniffled… and it felt like a lance to his heart, knowing she’d been crying over him. Here. I… I want you to take this with you.

He blinked and looked down at her hand and… just… felt everything inside him and around him go still. He reached and took the braid from her hand… no thicker than a marker but… it was a braided lock of her hair. He closed the gap between them, his lips parted in… shock? He wasn’t sure but… he ran his fingers through the side of her hair that he saw she’d taken the barrette out of, feeling the sudden stop of a few inches at her hair line. He felt her hand hang on his wrist and her weight lean into his hand. It’s supposed to be for luck, right? He huffed a humorless laugh and found himself pressing his hands against the sides of her neck, thumbs up along her temples… bending down until he could press his brow to hers.

“Fairytale stuff, princess.” He was trying to joke… make light of it. She huffed her own humorless laugh before he felt her damn near throw herself at him, her arms tight around his neck. Her body was shaking so much. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up as he straightened, holding her in a tight embrace. You have to come back. He nodded, turning and pressing his face into her hair. “I will.” He wanted to tell her that nothing could keep him from her, but the words stuck to the roof of his mouth. “I… I want to stay the night but…” He swallowed thickly. “I gotta study up on the mission.” He breathed out. He felt her nod. Come back. She whispered the words so quiet and he heard the bone-deep fear in them. “I will, love.” He said into her hair. When he climbed into his truck… he already had her braid tucked into his interior vest pocket, where it’d stay.

#my writing #call of duty #cod writing #simon ghost riley #fanfiction #ghost x oc #civilian oc #not beta read we die like men #just friends story

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oldguy56-world · 22 days ago

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Change of Habit

I'm back baby, I'm back! Being a creature of extreme habit it was quite off-putting for me not to blog last Monday. As mentioned in a prior communique we had a house full of people for an early Christmas prohibiting me from breaking away to sit at the keyboard. I tried doing it after they left on Wednesday but I couldn't. Monday is blog day. (How Sheldon Cooper of me). Today I am back on track and all is right in the world. To honor this occasion I have brought out an old movie title to set the mood. This one featured Elvis as a doctor (yes THE Elvis) and Mary Tyler Moore (after being Laura Petry and before she became Mary Richards) as a nun. It was the 60's and anything was possible. It was the perfect title to go with for the topic of the week which is 'Habits and How to Break Them'. I am stepping outside my comfort box as I have always preferred to do things the same way vs. change them up. There have been exceptions over the years and I will try to share them with you without breaking into tears at the torturous memories.

I always ate burgers with just mustard. One day I was at my friend Paul's place (his parents actually as we were young) and they had no mustard so I tried Ketchup. It was great so now I get them with just ketchup. Every now and then I will put both mustard and ketchup on them as there is a bit of a risk taker in me.

I always parted my hair on the left side (I tried it in the middle once and I freaked out) until the last 7 years. Now I don't. This probably has more to do with the hair not being there to part but it is still a major change for me.

Being one of the earlier users of the one finger salute to drivers that cut me off I was very proficient at it. Now I secretly hide it by holding up all five fingers. They think I am waving.

I have not eaten a donut in 11 years. This from the guy that would go to meetings early just so I could have some before the others arrived and they would not know when I snarfed down more during the meeting. (I suspect they knew but said nothing because who orders 9 donuts?) I went to work at a place where there was a Timmy's right inside so I decided not to have any while I was there to stop myself from blowing up. All went well so 7 months later when I moved on I just kept doing it. And I haven't blown up yet!

I quit smoking when I was young. I bet you never knew I smoked? I did. I tried 1.5 cigarettes and knew it was not for me so I quit cold turkey. I have tremendous will power when I put my mind to it.

When I start to watch a TV series I feel invested in it and have to keep watching it until the series ends. Recently I was able to cut this off for the first time. The Equalizer should be an action show. I don't care about the daughter's problems, or the aunt's problems, or even the Equalizer's personal problems. I want to see some butt whooped and kneecaps shot. I pulled the plug on it this year. It only took me several seasons to do so but I am very proud of this accomplishment.

I played Candy Crush for 2 years and was up to level 13,000 before I realized it was never going to end. I stopped and although I went into withdrawal for a while it has been coming up to two years since I crushed anything besides my hopes of winning a lottery.

Currently I am attempting to change some of my daily habits (other than Mondays of course) but these things take time. Some things still need to be done a certain way. I am quite certain I will buy my bag of playoff cheezies when the time comes, although maybe if I change things up the Leafs will win this year. Who knows. Is the win more important than my mental stability? We shall see.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: When you put your mind to something there is always a chance it might turn out better. Might is a scary word.

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missmaywemeetagain · 2 years ago

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Pink Scarf - PART 7 (Elvis/Austin!Elvis x Reader)

Character/Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Requested: kinda

(Read more here--Pink Scarf Series Masterlist!)

Prompt: You are part of Elvis Presley's coveted inner circle, and the currently-disgruntled wife of one of the members of Elvis' famous entourage, the Memphis Mafia. After Elvis' dynamite first performance in Vegas, you find yourself in deep water when his magnetism finally gets to you after all these years. [ Fem!Reader ]

TW: SEX. Cussing. Infidelity. Historical inaccuracies in the Vegas timeline. Priscilla doesn't exist in this timeline.

Rating: Explicit/Mature (NSFW, 18+, so minors Do NOT Interact) || Word Count: 3327

A/N: This part has a bit of a different flow to it, so I hope you enjoy! A lot is happening for our reader (big things are building!), and I wanted to get that across and still keep the story moving.

To all the babies, honeys, and lil' mamas supporting me out there, your reactions, reblogs, messages, and comments mean the absolute WORLD to me. Seriously, I am blown away. This little bitty one-shot about a scarf has turned into a full-blown story that (along with EP) has taken over my heart and soul, so for those of you still with me, and to all the newcomers, I'm sending you all the love! And I promise there's more good stuff coming ahead, complete with more smut, angst, and tension.

If you feel so moved, please let me know what you think or how you're feeling (or send me asks since now I know how they work lol)! I put everyone on the taglist who requested it, but please let me know if there are any issues.

I imagined this with Elvis in mind, but Austin!Elvis works here, too, whatever floats your boat!

Apologies in advance if there are any grammatical errors or TW that I didn't catch.

When Elvis kisses you this time, it’s soft but oh-so-loaded with all the unsaid things, the unsaid questions, rolling between you. Your heart drops. He presses his forehead to yours, and you cup his neck, running your thumb down his jaw.

“When am I going to see you again?” is the only question you can voice. You know between his grueling two-shows-a-day schedule and the fact that you two must be so careful about sneaking around, that it will be difficult to be together.

“How long are you here?” he asks, his voice nearly a whisper, his nose nuzzling yours.

“I’m set to head back to Memphis with the girls in two days.” The fact feels like a punch in the gut. Only a few days ago, you would’ve been happy to leave Jack here in Vegas doing whatever shit he was getting up to, but now, now everything has changed. You absently play with the gold TLC lightning bolt around your neck, the one that marks you as his. Funny how you’d been wearing it all these years without truly grasping what it could mean.

Elvis pulls back from you and frowns, lips pouting and his brow furrowed. Knowing him as long as you have, you know he is not happy with this information. His eyes change, narrowing and intensifying, as if trying to solve a problem in his head. Then his lip quirks, a small smile playing slowly across his face. You know that look. That look meant Elvis was looking to get what he wants, no matter how many people he had to go through to get it.

“Darlin’, I want you to stay with me tomorrow night. I want all of you, all night long.” The newly smoldering, insistent look in his eye sends warmth straight to your core. “No interruptions, no sneaking out, just you an’ me, spendin’ some quality time together.” He begins laying soft kisses on your forehead, down your cheek, along your jaw.

You sigh, both with the pleasure he’s inflicting on you now and the promise of what he’s offering later. Your heart just about explodes at the thought of it. But you can’t see how it’s going to work—it’s just not plausible in your situation, not with Jack and twenty of your closest friends roaming about.

“E, I’d love that,” you breathe as his lips move to assault yours, “but there are a multitude of reasons why that’s not gonna work and a million ways it could go wrong.”

Elvis stops, grabbing your jaw gently to look at him, his long fingers cupping your cheek. There’s fire in those crystal eyes now, burning into you, as he speaks low, “I want what’s mine. And I always get what I want, sugar.”

Oh, god.

And you have no doubt he’ll find some way to get it. Everything about that statement and the way he says it has your body responding in ways you can’t control. A full-body shiver runs through you, warming both your heart and somewhere decidedly lower, as evidenced by the wetness you can yet again feel pooling in between your thighs.

Him claiming you like this, his pure possessiveness, shouldn’t make you feel this thrilled. But he cares enough about you to move heaven and earth to be with you, and right now, that means everything.

“D’ya’ trust me, baby?” he purrs, his hand rubbing up your thigh, under the towel.

All you can do is nod in reply, distracted by how your body is buzzing for him.

In one fell swoop, he flips you back on the couch, laying you down, and opens your towel. Maneuvering between your legs, Elvis hovers above you, trailing kisses down your neck to your breasts. Your chest heaves and you can’t catch your breath in the best way possible.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” he says definitively before taking the bud of your nipple in his mouth and swirling it with his tongue. You gasp, arching up into him.

“You are going to come to both my shows tomorrow night.” It is not a request, but a certainty.

He laps at the other nipple, giving it equal attention. “I want to know you are in the audience watching me, getting wet for me,” he says, staring you in the eyes as he swipes his fingers through your folds. He smirks when he discovers how slick you already are.

You feel like your heart is going a million miles an hour. You don’t understand how he does this to you, how you just fall apart before him, again and again. It scares you a little, but you like it, and that scares you, too.

His fingers travel to the already well-served sensitive bundle of nerves above your slit. He plays there for a moment, watching you pant and keen under him.

“I’m gonna send Jack far away on an errand,” he says, undoing the knot on his robe. It falls open, revealing that he is rock hard. He grabs his dick, and with complete restraint runs the tip through your folds, up and down, up and down.

“It’s gonna keep him gone all night long,” Elvis says, lining himself up to your entrance.

You lie there, listening, your body reeling with want, ready to take whatever he wants to give you.

He enters you fully with a soft grunt, his steel blue gaze fully locked on yours, unwavering. “And then you’re gonna come to my room,” (He rolls his hips, a gentle but firm press, causing a sharp intake of breath on your part) “and I’m gonna take you, however I want you, all night long,” he says calmly, as if he weren’t saying scandalous things, as if his cock wasn’t already buried deep inside your pussy.

And it’s so fucking hot, you think you are going to combust right there and then.

“Afterwards, you ain’t goin’ nowhere.” He rolls his hips again, his rhythm slow and deep. “You’ll fall asleep in my arms, and when you wake up, I’ll take care of you so good, you won’t have any care to think about nothin’ else.”

Your whole body is shivering with need, want, doused in his promises. But he keeps his pace even, steady, slow. So well controlled while you are coming to pieces under him.

“Mine,” he whispers forcefully, taking you to the brink.

You can’t argue with that.

You explode, part of you knowing you’ll never, ever be the same.

After slow-fucking you into oblivion, Elvis has to go show face upstairs and you are utterly exhausted from the roller coaster this day has been. Heading back to your room in a daze (panty-less, as promised), you fall into bed and drift off to sleep without so much as a cohesive thought.

Knock knock knock

The rapping on the door startles you out of your slumber. Blinking rapidly, sunlight streaming under the curtains, you realize you’ve been asleep for quite a while.

Knock knock knock

“Hold on, I’m coming!” you croak out, willing yourself out of the bed and pulling on your robe. You barely have a chance to open the door before a whirlwind flies past you and into the room.

“Good god, y/n, are you still asleep?”

You wipe the sleep from your eyes. “Sandy? What are…?”

Sandy, your best friend, and Jerry’s wife, turns around and looks at you concerned. “We were supposed to go down to the pool, remember?”

Things are starting to come back to you. “Yeah, of course, the pool,” you say, nodding your head.

“What’s up with you?” she asks as only a best friend could, then looks around the room to make sure you’re alone. “You’ve been acting weird the past few days. And you completely disappeared on us last night.” She looks at you expectantly.

Blood rushes to your cheeks and you skirt into the bathroom to splash cold water on your face, not only to wake up, but to cool the burning on your skin. In your current state, you have no excuses ready.

Finally, you decide on partial truths. You aren’t ready or able to divulge your relationship (is that what it is?) with Elvis, but you can at least explain some of your behavior.

“I saw Jack making out with some groupie last night backstage, after the dinner show,” you say, hating the taste of it as it leaves your mouth.

“Oh, shit, y/n. I’m so sorry,” Sandy says, immediately pulling you in for a hug. “Did you say anything to him? Slap him silly?”

“No,” you shake your head, “he didn’t even see me. He doesn’t know that I know.”

“What a fucker,” Sandy says vehemently, pulling you to sit with her on the bed.

You are surprised by the hot tears that fill your eyes, and you wipe them away furiously as they fall down your cheeks. Having it out in the open makes it feel so real. But your tears feel slightly hypocritical now, considering how you spent last night.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t already suspect…” you sniffle out.

“Still. It’s incredibly shitty. You want me to punch him in the nuts?” she says seriously.

You can’t help but laugh through your tears. Little Sandy could be fierce as hell when she wanted to be, and you wouldn’t put it past her.

“No, not for now at least. Maybe later,” you say putting your head on her shoulder.

“Well, let’s get some food in you, then a Mai Tai or three down at the pool. Some sunshine should do you good,” she says, ever the caretaker.

You don’t have the heart or the willingness to deny her, so you just nod.

Knock knock

Sandy and you look at each other, questioning who else might be knocking on the door. You open it cautiously.

“Ms. y/f/n l/n? Delivery for you,” the hotel employee says in a chipper voice, handing you a huge pink box tied with a darker pink ribbon.

“Oh! Okay, thanks?” you say, utterly confused before he turns and walks away.

What the hell?

“Ooh, what’s that?” Sandy asks over your shoulder, curiosity in her voice.

You can’t answer because you have no idea. Bringing it to the bed, you carefully open it, a blank white envelope sitting atop a mound of tissue paper. You open it, pulling out the small white cardstock.

“When you walk through that showroom tonight,

I want everybody’s eyes on you.

I take care of what’s mine and

you were born just for me.

Yours,

Xoxo”

Your heart threatens to leap out of your chest with how fast it’s suddenly beating.

You can’t believe he is so bold, so oddly romantic, though he obviously knew better than to sign the card in case of prying eyes.

You were born just for me.

Your eyes threaten to fixate on that phrase, your heart galloping at the implications of the statement. Thrusting the card back in the envelope, you shove it into your pocket before Sandy can see what’s written on it.

Sandy just watches you with eager curiosity. “Well, are you going to open it? I’m dying here!”

So, you do, you open it, slowly, as if something might jump out to bite you.

Underneath the tissue paper is Elvis’ gift. The dress (if you even could call it that) is trendy, flashy, sexy, obviously expensive, and so, so very Elvis.

It’s a floral pink, two-piece outfit, the cropped top having a low-cut v in the front, with a multitude of soft, pink draping fringe that would (theoretically) cover your stomach. The matching skirt was a little high waisted but mini in the legs.

The shock that resonates through you is palpable, and you can’t hide it from Sandy, who’s jaw is nearly on the floor.

You lay the outfit on the bed and discover there is a matching set of lacy pink underwear at the bottom of the box.

Oh, sweet lord.

“What in the world…?” Sandy says, looking up at you with so many questions in her eyes. “Y/n, girl, you have some explaining to do.”

You are speechless, your brain unable to come up with any sort of plausible explanation for this. You are too busy thinking about how you are actually going to have to wear this tonight.

“I…I…Sandy, don’t want to lie to you, but I can’t…I just can’t tell you anything right now,” you finally sputter out.

You can tell she’s a little hurt by the look in her eye, but Sandy is smart enough to know that whatever is going on is more complicated than she originally thought.

“Alright,” she says suspiciously, “but I can’t promise that I won’t try to figure it out on my own if you’re not gonna tell me!” She is playful about it, but you know that she’s also telling the truth.

“Please, Sandy, don’t say anything to anyone, okay. This is…delicate,” you practically beg her.

“I’m a vault,” she says crossing her heart, “and god knows you need a little fun right now, but please be careful, okay?” she says sincerely.

I’m well past careful.

You nod in reply, squeezing her hand.

“Now, let’s go get you a tan to match that sexy new outfit!” she smiles.

“Hello, my treasure,” Jack says, then looks you up and down. “You got some color today. Looks good on you, babe.” He kisses you on the lips and you fight every instinct in you that wants to pull away from him. It’s the closest you’ve been to him since the incident. Your stomach knots with fury and sadness and guilt.

“Thanks, sweetie, I went down to the pool with Sandy,” you reply, forcing an even tone in your voice.

“So, EP is sending me and Billy out to LA to take care of some things tonight. You know how he is—he gets a bug up his ass and things all of a sudden have to get done right now. I know you are heading home tomorrow, so I’m not sure if I’ll see you before I get back,” he says with a fake tinge of regret in his voice, as if he actually cares that you might be gone, as if there’s not some bimbo out in LA who he’ll see when he’s there. The knot in your stomach tightens even more, for different reasons this time, realizing that Elvis has indeed put in motion what he set out to do.

“It’s okay, hun, I understand,” you respond. You feel like screaming.

And a part of you hates that you are glad, so glad to be rid of him.

It shouldn’t be like this.

But it is. So you both feign your regret and he grabs his stuff, kisses your cheek, and leaves.

Your new outfit has garnered quite the attention. It fits you perfectly, right down to the underwear, and sporting your new tan, you have to admit that you do look damn good. It certainly is nothing like anything you’ve ever worn before, and while you start the night self-conscious, it ends up making you feel confident and powerful.

The one hiccup of the night is that Sandy has insisted on going with you to both shows. Even though she can’t figure out exactly why you want to see Elvis again, she’s too curious, watching every man in sight like a hawk as she tries to pin down who has bought you this getup and why.

Thankfully, she seems oblivious to the obvious, but you are doing everything you can to appear neutral and it’s nearly killing you. Mostly because watching Elvis perform is doing exactly what both of you knew it would do, so you feel caught in this slow foreplay of delicious torture, but with a side of your nosy best friend.

You keep shifting in your seat, arousal flooding through you and pooling in your pretty new panties. As usual, he looks and sounds amazing, and you swear to god that he keeps looking toward you, even though he can’t see you with the stage lights. He just knows. Which makes everything even more salacious.

You try not to think about how dangerous this is for you. How if you and Elvis get caught, a shitstorm will fall upon you, and most of the consequences will affect you more that Elvis. You try not to think about how a lapse in judgement a few nights ago has become an affair in a matter of days. You can’t deny it, not after Elvis has maneuvered the people around you to ensure he gets you all to himself. But it’s not just that—it’s the deep gut feeling you have that there is much more to this than sex and that Elvis has no intention of letting you go any time soon.

“I take care of what’s mine and you were born just for me.”

The problem is that it all excites you more than it should. Yes, part of you is terrified of what might happen if Jack finds out, or if anyone in the group other than Jerry finds out. But for the first time in a very long time, you are doing something for you, something that makes you feel good. Elvis makes you feel things you didn’t think you could feel anymore (or didn’t deserve to feel anymore).

Logically, you know you are likely setting yourself up for a world of hurt on both fronts. Your marriage is already in shambles. Your lover is one of the most famous people on the planet, the best friend of your husband, and notoriously promiscuous. While you would love to think that you are the only woman sharing Elvis’ bed right now, that you are somehow special enough that he would forgo all the other women throwing themselves at him, you know that would be incredibly naïve of you.

As romantic as your heart wants to be right now in thinking that Elvis will whisk you up and magically solve all your problems, that a man like him might truly have feelings for a woman like you, your mind screams at you that it’s an impossible fairy tale, warning you to not get caught up in this web of half-truths and hope.

Emotionally, you are putting a lot on the line, and you know it. You know you aren’t in your right mind. If you were in your right mind, you would’ve smacked Elvis upside the head when he kissed you in his room a few nights ago. You would have instantly thrown him out the moment he burst into your hotel room. But you didn’t. As much as you tell yourself this is all just about sex, all just about getting back at Jack, that not-so-little voice in the back of your head is whispering sweet-nothings about just how wonderful life could be if Elvis chose you above anyone else.

Which is why tonight feels like more of a precipice than the first night you spent with him. Tonight feels loaded. Premeditated. Serious. For the second time this week, you feel like everything will change after tonight. Maybe it’s the idea of falling asleep and waking up in his arms, as he’s promised you. Maybe it’s the words on the card that are haunting you. Or perhaps it is the look in his eyes, the one that overwhelms you, the one you can’t really let yourself dissect because if you do, you’ll go tumbling over into that abyss so fast that you won’t care about the mess you’ll leave behind.

Regardless, it’s all incredibly risky, and you know it isn’t right, but with Elvis, it just feels worth it.

And perhaps the thing that scares you most of all, the thing that really frightens you, is that even knowing everything you do, you’ll still risk everything for just one more night with him.

Taglist:

@atombombbibunny @yesimwriting @uselessbutinteresting @mirandastuckinthe80s @dark-as-love

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peterbarnes · 4 years ago

Text

Maybe Chapter 1

Summary: You work at the TVA as an analyst. Every day is the same- boring case after boring case- but your entire life changes one day when a new variant shows up

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: Reposting this b/c last time it didn’t end up in any of the tags and it flopped. Here’s to hoping my account won’t glitch again 🥂

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

The TVA halls were always eerily quiet. You used to be uncomfortable making your way through them, constantly looking behind your shoulder, meeting your colleagues uneasy glances. But after being in the agency for- god, you don’t even know how long- it didn’t seem to bother you anymore. At least it didn’t now, as you ran through them, desperately trying to hold onto the piles of documents in your hands.

You didn’t expect to have such a prominent variant case come by you today until Hunter B-15 stormed into your office in full armor.

“Mobius is trying to reason with the variant. Get in there and fix it,” she said, slamming the pile of documents on your desk before turning around and leaving.

“Um…okay,” you said to her retreating form.

You picked up the documents in front of you, carefully skimming through them before stopping at the first image you saw. It was of a lean man with smooth, pale skin and dark hair that flowed down right above his shoulders. His eyes, however, were what made you stop reading. They had a certain mischievous glint in them, almost a sparkle, even with the somewhat uncertain look on his face.

“No way,” you whispered as you scanned over his face again. “What the hell is the God of Mischief doing here?”

You’ve never run to see a variant before, but you had to see this. Once you reached Mobius’ office, you were completely out of breath, leaning on the pale beige wall beside you. You went to open the door and walk in, but stopped as you heard muffled voices.

“And then the Dark Elves attack the palace, and you think you send them to Thor. But instead, you lead them right to her.”

“I don’t believe you. You’re lying. It’s not true.”

“It is true. That’s the proper flow of time! And it happens again, again, and again because it’s supposed to, because it has to.”

“Where is she?!”

You abruptly stepped back from the door. The conversation felt too private, too intimate to overhear. You could easily tell Mobius’ voice, it was strong and firm. But the other - you’d never heard a voice that tortured before. It was almost reminiscent of a scared child.

Screw privacy, this is the TVA. We’re always up in everybody’s business.

You placed your ear back against the door.

“You weren’t born to be a king, Loki. You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That’s how it is, that’s how it was, that’s how it will be.”

“I thought I told you to get in there!” A voice booms from behind you.

You jump, quickly turning around to find B-15 behind you, a stern look on her face.

“Sorry, I was about to, I just got distracted-” you squeaked out.

“Move,” she said. You quickly stepped to the side, as she threw open the doors and barged into the room.

“What are you doing?” You heard her say as you peaked into the room behind her.

You’ve seen interrogation rooms plenty of times before, but you’ve never seen a hologram of the Avengers blown up in the middle of it. How do they always look so cool?

“My job. Is it yours to interrupt?” Mobius shot back, eyes glancing to your position by the door. “[Y/N], what are you doing here?”

You snapped out of your thoughts, turning back towards the three of them. And, for the first time since you got there, Loki looked at you, light eyes boring into your own. His expression was stone cold and unreadable, the scared child you’d heard in his voice nowhere to be seen.

“I…,” you stumbled before checking yourself. “I just wanted to check out the var- situation. I wanted to check out the situation.” Your eyes dropped to the floor quickly, so you didn’t see Loki’s eyebrows slightly raise as he watched you.

“Anyway,” B-15 grumbled, rolling her eyes. “We have a situation.”

“There’s always a situation,” Mobius sighed, before turning to you. “Watch him.”

“Yes, sir,” you said back, giving him a weak salute.

You stepped further into the larger room as Mobius and B-15 made their ways out, the door slamming behind them.

“And who are you?” Loki questioned, crossing his arms.

“Oh,” you let out, surprised he actually talked to you. “I’m [Y/N]. I help Mobius with dangerous variants, but I’m not a field agent, I mostly research sequence violations and do paperwork.”

“Hmm,” he huffed pretentiously.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence between the two of you. It thickened the air. You wanted to say something, but you didn’t know exactly how to go about a conversation with someone who wasn’t a co-worker.

“You know, I heard what he said to you… about your mom,” you blurted. You saw his shoulders tense and his face grimace.

Okay, [Y/N], maybe not the best first impression.

“He didn’t really mean it, though. He’s a nice person, but he’s also a trained agent. If you want answers, the best way to get them is by sparking an emotional reaction. It’s one of the first techniques agents are taught here”

Loki’s brows furrowed as he took in your words.

“That makes sense, I guess,” he said, shrugging. But he still looked incredibly uncomfortable, his arms crossed as if to protect himself as he scanned the unfamiliar room for an escape.

You sighed, walking over to the red chairs and taking a seat right beside him. His eyes no longer had the mischievous glint you saw in the photo- they looked haunted.

“There’s no point in looking for some sort of escape, you’re not gonna find one.”

His eyes snapped towards yours, glaring at you.

“We’ll see about that,” he scoffed. “And when I escape, I’m going to burn this place to the ground.”

“Oh, please, will you stop with all that conquering shit? Just because your life isn’t what you thought it was, doesn’t mean you don’t have a glorious purpose,” you told him, poorly imitating his accent towards the end.

“Don’t mock me,” He tried to say intimidatingly. Instead it came out as more of a whine.

“You had people that loved you,” you said softly. “I think that’s one of the best gifts time can give. Things like that don’t happen here. I’ll never have that.”

Loki’s eyes trailed over your face, fully taking you in for the first time. He spent a good moment looking at you, at the longing on your face.

“How long have you been here?” He asked, his voice matching your softness.

“Too long,” you laughed. “It could be hundreds of years, thousands? Or maybe even a week, who knows. Time works so differently here”

There was a long beat before he responded. “I’m sure you’ll find someone.”

You smiled at him and you swore you could see the corners of his lips slightly lift.

“If it helps,” Loki started, his voice rising again to its previous grandiose state. “It looks like I’ll be here for a while…” He trailed off, his tone now playful.

You couldn’t help but let out a light laugh at his words. His smirk turned into a full-blown grin at the sound. He couldn’t help but think that he’d happily listen to it for the rest of eternity, even if he had to stay in this hideous beige jumpsuit.

“Maybe, Loki. Maybe.”

Part 2

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robynlilyblack · 3 years ago

Text

Incident with a time turner

Part 5: Nightmares and Pancakes

Sirius x Fem! Potter! Reader

Summary: After dinner with an old friend, y/n wakes to hear screaming coming from the other room

Warnings: cursing, mentions of thoughts and scenes of a sexual nature, nothing explicit

a/n: Originally, I meant this story to be a one shot but I got a little carried away and it turned into a full-blown series, I hope you are enjoying it, let me know what you think x

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Previous Part | Next Part

During dinner, y/n told Sirius about Harry, as well as what she had been up to the last 2 years. Sirius decided not to mention Peter yet, the rat wasn’t going anywhere right now and y/n was far more important than his obsession with finding him. As they eat, things between them flowed like no years had passed.

Once they finished dinner y/n gave Sirius’ a haircut, after which he went into her bathroom to trim and groom his beard. By this point his hair had dried, when he finished he finally got a good look at himself. Merlin, I look old, he thought. In reality he looked pretty good for his age, not that he was even that old, he was only 33, but not seeing yourself since you were 21 made the aging process worse. He thought about y/n as he tilted and touched his face, he wondered if she would care? Sirius sighed looking down at the sink, who am I kidding, he thought, I’ve got no chance with her now.

There was a small knock at the door followed by y/n’s voice as she entered the bathroom “Everything okay?”

Sirius glanced up at his appearance one last time before turning to face her “Yeah, just tired”

He knew y/n could see right through him, she always could, however she let it slide, giving a small nod before answering “Okay, if you’re sure” she holds up some pyjamas for him “Here, I was thinking you could sleep in Harrys room since he’s away”

Sirius nods taking the pyjamas from her, he was still caught up with his intrusive thoughts to see the small blush that appeared on y/n’s face when their hands grazed one another. Y/n cursed herself, Godric y/n stop blushing, she felt like she was 15 again, back in the hall of Hogwarts when she first started to crush on him

Y/n showed Sirius to Harry’s bedroom down the hall, she gave him a hug saying ‘goodnight, wake me if you need anything’ before leaving the room to head back to her own. After he changed, Sirius glanced around Harry’s room. There were some old half opened letters on his desk, a picture of James and Lily on his nightstand alongside one of him and y/n, on his bed was a couple of photo albums, one he recognised as y/n’s, the other was new, hardly used. He picked them up placing them gently on Harrys desk before climbing into bed. He turned to the side, he leaned forward to turn the picture of James and Lily away from him, he lingered on the picture of y/n and Harry before doing the same thing. He laid back staring at the ceiling, he usually had trouble falling asleep, due to having constant nightmares, but it had been so long since he slept in a real bed he slipped off with ease.

Y/n closed the door behind her, letting out a sigh as she leant on the door. She smiled to herself as she walked over to her bed, picking up the photo of her and Sirius he was staring at earlier. She placed the photo back down, grabbing her pyjamas from last night, she gave them a sniff, before scrunching up her nose, tossing it into the laundry basket. She walked over nearby drawer grabbing the first shirt she could find. She threw her day clothes into the laundry basket, leaving her in her underwear, she slipped on the shirt only to realised it was too big for her. Picking up her wand from the nightstand she cast lumos, pulling the shirt a bit to view it she realised it was one of Sirius’ old band shirts. Too tired to pick out another she muttered nox, climbing under the covers. She glanced at the photo of her and Sirius one last time before closing her eyes, her thoughts filled with the raven-haired man down the hall as she fell asleep.

Y/n woke up abruptly to some kind of yell, as she rubbed her eyes as she came to, muffled sounds appeared to be coming from down the hall. She quickly launched across the bed to grab her wand before standing up, pointing her wand at her door as she opened it, before making her way down the hall. She soon realised the sounds were coming from Harry’s bedroom, she pointed her wand at the door as she slowly opened it, however, it was lowered as soon as she saw Sirius’ shifting figure moving back and forth. She placed her wand on Harry’s desk, closing the door gently behind her as she walked up to the bed. He was muttering something in his sleep but she couldn’t make out what it was, she climbed onto her bed kneeling next to his body she placed her a hand on his cheek and another on his chest as she tried to soothe him.

Sirius jolted up grabbing her wrist tightly as he woke, the girl let out a yelp, eyes widening in shock.

“Siri, it’s me, it’s y/n” he was shaking “You’re safe, you’re with me” with her free hand she reached up gently caressing his cheek.

As he came to his senses his grip loosened, he felt guilty, terrified he might have hurt her

“Merlin y/n, I’m…I’m so sorry” he pleaded, before checking her wrist for any sign of injury, she placed her hand over his moving his attention back to her face

“It’s okay, you didn’t hurt me. You did scare the crap out of me though” she smiled as she said the last bit trying to make him feel better, Sirius gave a small smile before letting out a sigh of relief

“I thought they found me” y/n’s expression changes to concern and sadness as she pulls him into a hug, Sirius tucks his head into the crook of her neck as she does

“You’re safe with me now, I won’t let them get you” she feels Sirius nod into her neck

After a few more minutes they pull apart, Sirius explains he’s used to the nightmares but they had gotten worse since he escaped. Y/n listened and tried to comfort him as much as she could, she could relate a little, for the first few months after she travelled in time she cried herself to sleep only to wake up from constant nightmares, but she knew his were much worse and she felt helpless, all she wished for was she could take them from him, suffer herself so he would be okay.

“You feeling better?” Y/n asks squeezing Sirius hand with hers

“Yeah, thanks love” Sirius smiles, y/n leans in to give him as small hug before attempting to get off the bed

Sirius looks at her contemplating something before grabbing her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. Turning back around he speaks, she can hear the emotion in his voice, the vulnerability, the fear, even a hint of hope, all summed up in one word, coming out as barley a whisper “Stay”

Y/n nods, not even needing a second to think about it. He lets go of her wrist allowing her to climb under the covers with him. Harry’s bed was a single so it was a tight fit. Sirius wrapped his arm around her, he didn’t attempt to make her move any closer in case she wasn’t comfortable, but his heart swelled when she snuggled into his side. His other arm came around her protectively, looking down at her, the girls head turned up to look at him.

“Night Siri” she smiles weakly at him, her eyes tired

“Night love” as she moves her head back to cuddle into his chest he leans down kissing the top of her head.

He smiles as he feels her head move to kiss his clothed chest before returning to its former position. It doesn’t take long for the two to drift off into dreamless sleeps.

Sirius was the first to wake, his eyes adjusting as the sun streams though the crack in the curtains. As he takes a deep breath he feels a weight on his chest, as he looks down he sees a y/h/c head of hair splayed over his chest. He takes a minute, recalling the events of the early hours of the morning, he smiles as he feels her hum into his chest, nuzzling herself deeper into him as her arm wraps a little tighter around his torso.

He looks over at the clock to see the time, 7:14, he could tell y/n needed some more sleep and from experience he knew she wasn’t a morning person. He remembered all the times he had to try and wake her for order meetings when they lived together, he’d practically have to drag her out of bed, while she grumpily told him to ‘fuck off’. Eventually he started making her a nice breakfast to lure her out of bed, waffles, French toast, full breakfast or her personal favourite, pancakes with syrup and blueberries.

He gently moved her, she seemed to whine a little at the loss of contact in her sleep, to which Sirius found incredibly cute, the sight became even more adorable as she snuggled into the pillow he moved to replace him. As he was about to leave, y/n kicked the covers down a bit as she was too warm, as she did Sirius noticed what she was wearing, his shirt, and only his shirt. He gulped as he caught sight of the start of the start of her underwear, he quickly pulled the quilt back up to cover her up. Sirius took once last glace at her sleeping figure before leaving the room, heading down to the kitchen.

He remembered that shirt well, he was originally going to throw it out but he changed his mind after his and James’ flat warming, when he gave it to her to put on after someone split a drink down her dress. He recalled how utterly cute yet sexy she looked in it, she definitely wore it better than him, he even remembered how Lily had hit him when she noticed him staring at her arse. As he got to the kitchen he tried to push way the inappropriate thoughts that had manifested.

Y/n woke to the sun hitting her face, stretching her arm across she realised she was hugging a pillow. Groggily looking around she noticed Sirius was gone, she looked up at the time, 8:26. She pulled herself out of the bed, walking out of the room she was hit with a smell that took her back in time, pancakes.

Before heading down the stairs she nipped into her bedroom, sliding on her slippers. She didn’t bother to put on trousers since the shirt was long enough to cover her, in truth she didn’t know why Sirius kept it, she remembered coming back from the concert with him, laughing about how he had misunderstood muggle sizing and got an extra-large. Smiling at the memory she headed down the stairs, as she did the smell got stronger, and she could now hear the faint sound of the radio.

Slowly walking into the kitchen, she saw Sirius humming gently to the radio as he was waiting for a pancake to bake. She leaned on the doorway admiring the way the tea towel was draped over his shoulder, her eyes fell down to his hips swaying with the music, she scandalously let herself stare at his ass for longer than she should have. She had to admit now he was all cleaned up he was still as handsome as ever, maybe even more so, his older, rugged appearance was doing thing to her she hadn’t felt in a long time.

She was too busy with her not so innocent daydreams, to notice Sirius looking over his shoulder to find her staring at what he soon realised was his own arse, enjoying the view huh love, he thought. He turned his head back, using the spatula to move the final pancake onto the plate. He couldn’t help but smile, his insecurities from the previous night beginning to melt away.

He moved to pick up the two plates, causing y/n to snap out of her daydream, her face flushed realising what she had just been thinking about. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t had those kinds of daydreams about him before, but they had never affected her as much as this before.

“Morning” she looks up at him as he places the pancakes on the table, along with a jar of syrup

“Morning Siri” she shyly says moving to sit down next to him

Sirius noticed her flushed cheeks but chose not to tease her, instead he stood up moving her seat out for her to which she smiled thanking him.

“You remembered” She smiles as he places down the jug of orange juice and bowl of blueberries on the table, she turns to him as he sits down, giving him a lingering kiss on the cheek “Thank you for making all this”

“You’re welcome love” he smiled at her “Come on dig in, I didn’t slave away for you to just stare at it darling” she blushes nudging his shoulder playfully

As she goes to pour herself some orange juice, she leans over the table, Sirius can’t help but notice she hadn’t put bottoms on yet, guess it’s my turn to enjoy the view, he thinks. Allowing himself to admire much like y/n had done herself as parts of her upper thighs that were now visible as the shirt shifted upward. As they eat, the two can’t help but enjoy each other’s company, relishing in every stolen glance at one another, every graze of hands, and the domestic bliss of it all.

Once they finish and clean up, y/n leans on the table

“So, what’s the plan” she asks, he turns to look seeing her expression is quite serious

“Plan?” he tilts his head a bit confused

“To find Peter”

Taglist - Let me know if you want to be tagged x

@easypeasyweasleywheezes, @depressedsleepysloth @buckybarnes4lyfe

#sirius x reader #sirius black and reader #sirius and reader #siriusblack #sirius #sirius x y/n #sirius x you #maraduers #golden era #harrypotter #harry potter fluff #incidentwithatimeturner #harry potter #sirius black fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction

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az-cain · 2 years ago

Text

Di’kutla Kar’ta - Foolish Heart

chapter one

din djarin x reader ≈ 1.3k words masterlist

so casse and i got to talking and i decided that i would write my first multi-chapter fic. here’s to committing, y’all. the name is subject to change. hmu if u want to be tagged! also i am terrified

tysm @amchapel for being a glorious editor and beta reader

SERIES TW: mentions of sexual assault, religious trauma, loss of family members, descriptions of injuries, descriptions of violence, slowburn, smut

CHAPTER TW: descriptions of injuries, descriptions of violence

—

This job had gone completely wrong.

You were pinned face-down by the neck under the forearm of a grimy imperial Stormtrooper as six others worked at the clasps of your beskar armor.

They had already stripped your pauldrons, cape, and tassets. Your ship was in fragments of metal and clouds of smoke outside, blown up by the ugly cronies of the ugly mudscuffer that sat on the ugly bar of this ugly cantina.

You should have just stuck to fixing ships for far too cheap on this frozen shithole of a planet.

You swore under your breath, wriggling the fingers of your right hand— pinned just above the elbow— to trigger the rockets in your gauntlet. In response, one of the other Imps stepped full-body onto said fingers. A sickening crunch filled the air followed by your loud shout and swearing in a few languages.

Apparently, the Stormtrooper was a little bitter about the bodies of six of his comrades scattering the ground. He laughed cruelly, making some sort of joke you were too inconvenienced and pained to understand.

There was a loud crash emanating from somewhere behind you and blaster-shots, then five of the seven Stormtroopers were off of you and headed towards the origin of the sound.

You wrestled quickly out of the grip of the two remaining, flipped the one at your neck onto his, and shot a small missile from your gauntlet into the one near your feet. You didn’t stop to watch his head and helmet splinter, turning to grab your guns and run to the source of the crash and shots.

It was another Mandalorian, clad in pure silver beskar and a simple black cape. He was handling the troopers with ease, until one shot through the doorway from about 20 feet behind him, somehow missing enough to graze his unarmored side.

You aimed the blaster and quickly dispatched the few more stormtroopers across the road as the other Mandalorian shot down the one remaining Stormtrooper.

You whipped around and shot the head of the man who’d commissioned you to find a bounty. Almost predictably, he’d just wanted your armor.

You huffed, walking stiffly back to where your beskar’gam lay on the cold concrete, watching your breath spread in front of you as you knelt to pick it up and strap it back on with one hand.

Footsteps clicked quietly behind you, the other Mandalorian approaching carefully. You finished strapping it on and stood, meeting his eyes through both of your visors.

He spoke first. “What were you doing meeting with Imps?”

You laughed, cradling your hand against your chest. “Low on credits. What the hell is another Mandalorian doing on Hoth?”

“Low on credits. That your ship outside?”

You groaned, head dropping back in exasperation. “Kriffin’ used to be. Now it’s just a pile of dust.” You dropped your head back down to meet his eyes again.

He hummed, extending a gloved hand, presumably to inspect your own. You placed your palm on it.

You weren’t thrilled to see another Mandalorian— the only ones you’d seen in the last few years had called you a member of a cult and scorned you. You’d made a point to avoid them since.

“Come to my ship,” he said, yanking you out of your thoughts. “I can give you a ride off-world to somewhere less desolate and give you some tape to set your fingers with.”

You cocked your head, a little bit intrigued by the man. He hadn’t gone to remove his helmet yet, surprisingly.

“Alright,” you said after a moment, “but I don’t take off the helmet.”

He nodded solemnly. “Neither do I.”

“This is the Way.”

You withdrew your hand and motioned for him to lead the way with the other. He stepped towards the exit of the abandoned, ruined cantina in broad steps, leaving you to almost jog to maintain his pace. He had a hand pressing the fabric of his cape roughly to his side where the bullet had grazed him.

The two of you walked silently through the small town towards the ice plains for a few frigid minutes before he spoke in a cloud of moisture. “My name is Din Djarin.”

“Y/n L/n.”

“Pleasure.”

The next few minutes were quiet as you saw a Razor Crest appear at the edge of your vision. The scarred dark silver form loomed as you approached it, a button on Din’s gauntlet opening the cargo bay slowly. It had lowered to the ground by the time you had reached it, so you walked up into the heated ship.

“Dank farrik that feels nice,” you sighed into the warmth, hand almost forgotten. But of course, as blood returned to your limbs fully, the broken bones throbbed. You turned to meet Din’s eyes and he nodded towards the boxes against the wall of the bay, motioning for you to sit as he turned to the other wall and pulled out some medical tape.

“Catch,” he said simply, tossing you the tape.You caught it in your uninjured hand, setting it on the metal on your thigh while you worked your glove off. Once you’d gotten it off and set it down by the tape, you winced internally at the look of it. A few fingers were already turning blue and one was tilted slightly at the base.

You braced yourself as you cracked the bottom knuckle back into place, hissing quietly enough that you hoped it wasn’t picked up by the modulator. You pinned the tape between your thighs and scratched at the end of it until it came up, pulling it up and wrapping your pointer and ring fingers with the unharmed middle before cutting the tape with your teeth. You laid the ends of the tape down on both your finger and the roll before standing and walking to where Din was tending his own wounds.

He had a small cloth soaked with what seemed to be disinfectant in hand and was pressing it to the wound, the fabric slit opened a bit wider to allow him better access. The good thing about blaster grazes was that they were cauterized the instant they occured, so he needed only to clean it and make sure no infection occurred.

“So you said you were here because you were low on credits. Plus the carbonite freezer. Bounty hunter?”

He nodded, visor tilting up to meet yours.

“You catch this one?”

He nodded again.“He got a few good shots in at the Crest last night.” He hissed in pain, whipping his head to his wound and moving the rag away as he stood. “Not sure if she’ll run.”

“If you want, I can help you fix it up tomorrow morning. Tonight, if you need it.” You clicked your tongue. “I have a shop with some supplies and engine parts back in town. I’m sure I can find something that’ll get her going again.”

He hummed, tilting his visor up in an affirmative. “Thanks. Morning sounds good.” He headed towards the opening of a bunk near the ladder to the cockpit. “You can take the bunk next to mine. There aren’t any sheets or blankets, but it’s a bed. I’ll knock to wake you tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” you murmured, suddenly overcome with your exhaustion, your adrenaline finally wearing out.

You walked towards the bunk and laid down, shutting the door before stripping your armor piece by piece. The sound of metal scraping and clinking emerged from the other side of the narrow cubby and you nearly laughed at the fact that you’d spent years avoiding other Mandalorians and now you found yourself stripping from your armor less than 10 feet away.

The humor, however, didn’t last too long. As soon as you’d removed your helmet and laid down on the plain mattress, you were out like a light.

masterlist

#din djarin x reader #din djarin/reader #din djarin x mandalorian reader #din djarin/mandalorian reader #din djarin x oc #din djarin/oc #din djarin x mandalorian oc #din djarin/mandalorian oc #mandalorian #the mandalorian #din djarin

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honeyteankisses · 3 years ago

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BEER, PONGS & LOCKED DOORS

this is just a one shot/drabble idea I had so I thought I’d throw it out there and see how it goes. Do I make this a series 👀

FRATBOY!STEVE ROGERS X READER

You know how every single college has that one guy?

That one guy and girl has thought he was cute?

People were jealous of him?

He had the smile that crooked smile with that beard that you can feel across your face as he whispers in your ear at a party asking you “wanna get outta here?”

He smells good constantly it’s like he doesn’t have body odor, he just smells straight of beer and sex but it smells good in a way. It makes you not focus and dizzy.

Let’s not forget about his eyes those eyes you can see in a crowded room staring at you across the way daring you to do something so he march over to you and make it known your his.

His name is Steve Rogers, he’s a senior in college about to graduate, but he’s a bit behind, your the sweet girl who’s just trying to get through another four years of crap thrown at you in school and hope to god you pass and not pass out in a front yard at a frat party.

But of course your sweet kind roommate drags you each and every Friday night and that’s how you ended up in the frat house bathroom with Steve Rogers locked in, and no way out.

Your sitting on the edge of the tub with your head in your hands, your right leg is bouncing up and down, you life your head up to grab your phone again and see if someone could answer to help you get out of this situation.

As your typing on your phone texting your roommate for the 100th time, you hear him laughing to himself, you look up making eye contact with him.

“It’s been about 15 mins I don’t think anyones coming to help us you do know there is more than one bathroom here?”

You bottom lip sticks out into a pout. “Uh yeah I know I just-”

He laughs again, does he think this entire thing is that funny?

“Y/N, come on I can’t be that bad where you can’t even speak to me? What did I ever do to you? We can chem 2 together right? I see you constantly grabbing the first chair in the front”

Your eyes widen slightly he knows your name? He watches you? You see him on his phone typing hopefully to who ever can you out of here.

“You know me?” You say it before you think you mentally slap your slap for your stupidity.

He smiles a full blown white teeth smile. “Yes I notice you, I also notice your cute nose wrinkle you do when the professor says something confusing or he throws a quiz at us.”

Your mind is racing and your phone is forgotten the entire being locked in a bathroom with him is forgotten. He’s noticed you? He’s seen you? How was that possible? Mister I leave every party with a beautiful women on my arm noticed you?

You clasp your hands together and breathy laugh escapes your mouth. “Honestly Steve I never would have thought you even knew who I was if I’m being honest”

Steve’s eyes furrow and his eyes squint he tilts his head at you. “Why would you think that?” He laughs softly “I’ve noticed you since freshman year, when you bumped into Sam at the freshman get together. You had that fuzzy yellow sweater on. You looked like the sun, you were hard to miss”

It feels like your mind is fuzzy almost like a tv static is going on your brain. “Oh I’m sorry, was it that bad?”

He smiles again another toothy smile. “No baby it wasn’t, it was refreshing like a glass of water, I still remember you telling me hello and your name. I could never forget your smile.”

Your heart is beating against your chest as your breathing turns heavy, you wipe your hands on your jeans like your wiping off the sweat that has formed from be around him.

Baby? Baby? He’s called you baby? Does he hear your heart? Or know your brain is jumbled of thoughts.

“Oh. Oh, that’s very kind. Thank you Steve.” You blush and look away it’s like he’s got you captured and you can’t stop staring at his eyes (or lips).

You can hear him shuffle around thinking he’s just getting comfortable but than you feel him grab your face, his hand his resting your cheek his thumb is sliding slowly across your cheek, he squints his and licks his lips.

“Honestly Y/N I come to ever party every single one hoping to see you again?”

You furrow your eyebrows biting your bottom lip just as you do his thumb comes to pull it out. “Truly I had no idea, I just thought you did because your in the frat.”

His smile is lopsided he huff outs a breathy laugh. “No baby, I look forward to seeing the girl who holds tightly to her cup and just drinks Malibu with a drop of strawberry lemonade. I always make sure to have enough for you.”

You blink at him everything is processing in your mind trying to understand everything. You didn’t realize he’s gotten a couple inches closer until your feel his chest against your legs.

“Y/N, can I kiss you?”

Your eyes meet his, his beautiful eyes that just blue and swimming with emotions you can’t comprehend.

Your head moves before your mouth, you nod at him. He grabs your face, his breath hitting you as he speaks “I need words baby, I need words to come out of that mouth of yours.”

“Yes Steve kiss me please.”

He grabs you and kisses you and it just consumes you all over his lips feel soft like a pillow and warm like the sun. The feeling wraps around you and pulls you in, he suckles your bottom lip into his mouth and moans.

You melt into him wrapping your arms around his neck, he sits on the bathroom floor and your knees on either side of waist you fall onto his lip, your both moaning into eachother mouth.

His tongue fighting against yours. Your fingers are tangled into his hair and his in yours wrapped around the back of your neck, it feels like your floating and just feel him all over.

You don’t hear the doorknob rattling, but you hear the bang of the door being thrown open.

You both detach from one another breathing heavily and looking over to the person standing there. “Yo! Steve sorry about that I just got your message how long you been in here?”

It’s Sam his friend. He stares at the both of you sitting there you in Steve’s lap hair tangled in the back both of you breathing heavily, he smirks o himself and laughs. “Well clearly your fine.”

He rolls his eyes and grips your waist. “Fuck off Sam we’ll be out in a minute.”

Sam laughs again and shakes his head and his hands go up in surrender. “Thank me later or not. Hurry up though beer pongs happening!” He shakes his again and turns around and walks way.

Your about to stand up, when he grab your face again and kisses your deeply. “Come on I need a good luck charm plus I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

You smile and bite your lip nodding. “Fine but I hope you have more Malibu”

Steve’s lips quirk up. “I’ll make someone go get more if that’s what’s needed.”

You both stand up and he grabs your hand, your walking out towards the back where the pool is people are staring but all you think about is.

Sam said he just got his message? When did Steve send that text?

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #FRATBOY!Steve #Fratboy!Steve Rogers X reader #steve rogers au #steve rogers imagine #Steve rogers Drabble #steve rogers one shot #college Steve rogers

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itsclydebitches · 2 years ago

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Totally agree with your take on The Blacklist “(…) I’m watching the stupidest plot-line man ever devised, or a character suddenly did a 180 with no explanation, and yeah that makes the meta-writing part of my brain seethe and bite her imaginary pillow to muffle screams of rage… but then the characters have A Moment™, or there’s an actually well done twist, or we get an action sequence that yeah, is pretty silly when all is said and done, but it’s fun and I remember why I want to watch this show through to the end.” is exactly how I feel when watching lol

You know, I'm two episodes from finishing Season Three and while killing time today my poor brain was trying to unpack the roller coaster that has been Liz's opinion of Red lately:

Grows quite close while on the run, to the point where she'll impulse hug him and seek comfort in other ways following traumatic situations (like almost being shot). Fantastic. Love to see it. Makes perfect sense given 2+ years of interactions, revelations, and Liz's current circumstances.

Gets her life back and immediately decides that she wants Red out. Okaaaay. I've never questioned the whole 'I want a normal life and you make that impossible' perspective, but you'd think that everything they'd gone through would change her stance a bit from what we've seen in Seasons One and Two.

They settle back into working together non-stop, but Liz simultaneously insists that she doesn't want him around, a contradictory desire that's been a problem since the show's start and is pretty much ignored instead of being resolved. (Which, given the show's premise that requires them working together, should be resolved by Liz changing her stance on what a 'normal' life means. Which is what I THOUGHT we'd accomplished post-fugitive plot-line).

We get a series of episodes where Liz is literally pushing him away in the first half and then, like, holding his hand in the second??

Is completely adamant that she can't have a kid because Red is in her life.

Decides to keep the kid in large part because Red insists she should have the child in her life.

'Omg, Red, you need to stay away you're not safe for my family!'

'Omg, Red, I'm so happy you came to the wedding! :D'

Has pretty normal (for them) interactions surrounding the wedding debacle, including quippy dialogue and making light of horrifying situations. We're on familiar ground.

Is, again, her normal self where she (understandably) is pissed about shit like giving birth in a night club, but ultimately caves to the insanity that is her life.

Takes a hard turn into full-blown fury. No, you can't hold my baby. Get out. Get away.

A few minutes later Liz is falling into a coma and holds Red's hand: "Oh, Raymond. I do love..." Use of 'love.' Use of 'do.' Use of the first name. Supposed last words. Blah-de-blah I'm about six years behind and fans have analyzed that scene way better than I ever could.

Okay so Liz has been conflicted in a lot of non-persuasive ways and yeah, so much of this is contradictory/nonsensical, BUT if we're charitable we can write a lot of it off as traumatic venting and when the chips are down these are her real feelings--

Psych! She apparently faked this whole thing to try and achieve her normal life.

(Don't even get me started on stuff like the long scenes of Tom grieving when, from what I understand, he was in on the plan the whole time? You should only show the audience moments of 'grief' when he's around other people so we can later understand it as an act! Showing the viewer private moments of him talking to Agnus when he has no reason to hide what he really knows/feels in that moment doesn't work!!)

So I'm quietly seething at the absurdity and lost potential, heading home all, "That's it. I've got better shows to watch. I'm finishing this ONE EPISODE and then we are done, Blacklist."

The episode:

[Aram is the cutest cutie to ever cute, adorably blundering his way through working with Tom]

[Cooper stands his ground and announces to friend and enemy alike that he'll never stop trying to get justice for Liz]

[Red pulls a legitimately impressive one-over on the bad guy du jour]

[Unexpected moment of relief when a background character nobody survives a bomb]

[Dembe exists]

"FINE. I'LL KEEP WATCHING. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

#Blacklist #The Blacklist #mymetas

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cosmicjoke · 3 years ago

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No Regrets: Chapter by Chapter Analysis:

1. Preface to my analysis

Okay, so, since I’ve reached the end of every published volume of SnK so far, and have to wait until October to read the last volume, I thought I’d re-read “No Regrets” and delve into some analyzation of this story, chapter by chapter.

One thing I want to start out by saying, before I get into the details, is that I think “No Regrets” is a vital demonstration of how Levi has always cared about people, and always fought for them.

One misrepresentation I sometimes see regarding Levi’s and Erwin’s relationship is when people claim that Erwin was the one to teach Levi to fight for something bigger than himself, or to fight for others. The thing is, “No Regrets” clearly demonstrates that Levi already had a strong foundation of caring for others, and fighting for others, before Erwin himself ever had any major influence over him, and I plan on getting into all the examples of that within the story and breaking them down.

First, though, there’s an important quote from Isayama from the joint interview he did with the artist for “No Regrets”, Hikaru Sugura, in which he says about Levi, in response to the question of how he pictured Levi’s internal feelings of going from a “thug” to a “soldier”, “It’s that he found a place to make the most of what he could do, or rather, his own special abilities. Underground, where it was all he could do to stay alive, he had to live for that, but then he started to form relationships and began to feel that he could do things for others. And that’s why he first went above ground...”

This is a hugely important quote from Isayama, because he flat out says that, even before Levi came to the surface, he’d already formed bonds with people, and already began to feel like there was something bigger than himself that he could fight for, that he could “do for others”. Isayama also says here that Underground, “It was all he could do to stay alive”, which signifies with great clarity the struggle someone would have, even someone with Levi’s great strength, of surviving and making it from one day to the next in a place like the Underground. So, for Levi, it must have already been a terrible burden, simply trying to take care of himself, and live for himself. But then he meets Furlan and Isabel, and he becomes friends with them, and despite the doubtless added burden to his own existence of having two other people relying so heavily on him for their own survival, he takes that burden onto himself, and does so with willingness and responsibility. Isayama says that “It’s that he found a place to make the most of what he could do, or rather, his own special abilities.”. Erwin didn’t instill in Levi a sense of responsibility for others, or the idea of fighting for someone other than himself. Levi already had that, had already DONE that. What Erwin did for Levi was show him the path towards maximizing the impact he could have, showing him how he could use his abilities to help the MOST number of people, not just a few people. Erwin showed Levi that he could have a significant impact on the world, that he could fight for actual, positive change for all people. Another important part of that quote from Isayama is when he says “And that’s why he first went above ground...”, because it tells us what Levi’s initial drive and intention for going to the surface was, and that was to help give Isabel and Furlan a better life. He trusted in Furlan’s plans, and went along with them, because it was what Furlan and Isabel had both expressed to Levi that they wanted to do and to have. Even here, Levi is fighting for the dreams of others.

I’ve recently read the visual novel of “No Regrets”, and while it had some good parts, it also very much underdeveloped and even at times outright misinterpreted Levi’s character in some really key ways, casting him as someone so hell bent on getting revenge on Erwin, that he is blinded to the safety of Isabel and Furlan, pressing on with his plans to kill Erwin at their expense. The worst part about this, I thought, was how it reduced the pivotal moment in which Levi chooses to go after Erwin and leave Furlan and Isabel behind to an impulsive, snap decision, in which Levi puts no thought or real consideration into it. He doesn’t struggle at all in choosing how he does, doesn’t agonize over what he thinks is the right choice, because in that moment, there isn’t even the consideration of another option, he isn’t even making a choice, really, just reacting, which entirely defeats the purpose of Levi’s character motif throughout the main series, which is that he can never know for sure what decision is the right one until after he chooses, but that he has to try and make one he feels is right, and that no matter what, he can’t allow himself to dwell on it with regret afterwards. This gets corrected in the manga big time, as do several other instances of Levi’s characterization, and I’m going to go over it in more detail when I get to that final chapter. But the choice Levi makes in the manga is much, much more nuanced, considered, and multifaceted. Here, he had laid out in his head two, distinct options, and he weighs and balances them against one another in a high pressure situation, before deciding on the one he thinks is best. He doesn’t just leave his friends, thinking only of Erwin and revenge. He’s thinking of ALL of them, and of every factor leading up to that point, and that struggle for Levi is what ends up having the affect of ultimately forming his later philosophy of never allowing himself certainty in anything, but also allowing himself leniency in whatever he chooses, knowing that he can’t be so hard on himself for the outcome, whatever it may be, that he isn’t able to move on from it, or use it to keep pushing forward and learn, so that he can do better next time. It’s important that Levi’s choice in “No Regrets” is actually presented as one made with his full consciousness, one that was a fully thought out one on his part, which is why I really disliked the way it was portrayed in the visual novel, and why I’m glad they corrected it in the manga, which is the canonically accepted version of the story either way. Because it’s a vital moment in Levi’s character development, with him learning that even when he tries his best to choose right, even when he considers every factor and every, conceivable outcome, even when he does what he thinks, in the moment, is best, it won’t always turn out that way, it won’t always turn out good, or favorably. He won’t always win. He won’t always be able to save everyone. It’s a huge moment of character growth for Levi, who makes a well thought out and considered decision, and it still results in his two, best friends getting killed. It teaches Levi that he can never have full control of any situation, no matter how hard he tries, and that, in turn, gives Levi a kind of freedom in simple acceptance. It lifts a burden from his shoulders, even as he experiences enormous grief and loss.

Anyway, I’m going to be reading the first chapter of “No Regrets” later tonight, and will give my more detailed observations in a separate post. Thanks for reading, as always guys!

2. Chapter 1: The Wings of Freedom

Okay, so here we go! Chapter 1 of “No Regrets”!

There’s a few things I want to point out about this chapter, because both visually and textually, we get a lot of information about the Underground and Levi, and his relationship with Isabel and Furlan. So I’ll just go through it.

The first thing that really caught my attention for this chapter was the opening page, which is a retrospective shot of Levi after he’s joined the SC, thinking about how he can’t ever know what the results of his choices are going to be. He says here “I trusted in my own strength... I trusted in the decisions of comrades who had earned my faith...” And this quote from Levi is really important in later understanding why he makes the choice he does, at the end. He says he trusted in the decisions of comrades who had earned his faith, and that tells us that Levi believes in Furlan and Isabel, that he believes in their strength and their capability, that he believes in them enough to let them choose for themselves and trust in their judgement. We’ll obviously delve more into this as it becomes more relevant to the story. But moving on...

The next thing to catch my attention is the panels of the Underground we see. These are probably the best shots of this place we get in the whole series, as it really depicts a place that is totally run down and dilapidated, with buildings falling apart and crumbling in disrepair, filth ridden streets with literal sewage water coming out of drain pipes, and a actual cave cover overhead, complete with stalactites, blocking out all sunlight except for few and far between pockets which break through holes in the rock ceiling. The most telling panels though are the ones which depict the violence and poverty of the place. We see a panel of a homeless man passed out on the street, painfully thin looking, and under him, two men in a fight, one beating the other violently. And the next panel shows us a little girl, sitting barefoot on the ground between two men who have just blown each other’s brains out with guns. Truly, this is a violent, dark, poverty-stricken place that breeds crime and depravation. The pages before this say that BECAUSE of the splendor of the Capital city above the Underground, this place exists, and that’s accurate. Because of the excesses and decadence of the rich and well off above these people rejected by society, that means fewer resources for the less fortunate. It’s truly tragic.

Alright, now I just want to move on to some small, but telling moments here while Levi and the others are being chased by Erwin and his crew.

When Isabel is bragging about how the MP’s never learn, referring to how they’ll never be able to catch their gang, she asks Levi if what she said was cool. Levi tells her “Don’t be stupid.” This might seem like Levi just blowing her off, but the way I read it, it seems more to me like Levi is warning her not to be cocky, not to be over confident, because that’s the kind of thing that can get you killed, or caught. Big Bro indeed! We also see how mindful Levi is here as a leader, when he tells them they can’t afford to lead the soldiers following them straight to their hideout, and clearly they have a plan in place for just this sort of thing.

More importantly, Levi is fast to realize these aren’t ordinary soldiers after them, which shows his great instincts, but what’s really interesting is his internal thoughts here. His logic is telling him regular MP’s wouldn’t work this hard to catch them, and that their skill with the ODM means they must be SC. But Levi doesn’t really believe it which, given what we later find out about the deal with Lobov, and Lobov warning them of Erwin’s plans, tells us that Levi never really believed the SC would come after them. He’s clearly surprised here.

Further, after informing Isabel and Furlan and confirming his suspicions, he tells Furlan that he’s got no intention of getting mixed up with “these guys”. This tells us Levi never wanted to go through with Furlan’s plans, never wanted to join the SC, never wanted anything to do with any of it. There’s further evidenced in this very chapter, which I’ll get to in a moment. But it tells us a lot about the dubious feelings Levi had from the start, and how he probably would have simply been happiest to stay in the Underground with his friends, even though it was a hard life.

Alright, so, this next part is a big deal, and it’s an overlooked detail which speaks volumes about the kind of person Levi is. I didn’t even notice this the first time I read it, so I want to talk about it. Levi separates from Isabel and Furlan, and takes Erwin and Mike on a wild chase through the back alley’s and narrow passages of the slums. He really tries to give them the run around here, until he flips over a door, into another area. What’s really important here is Levi’s dialog. He says first “... Lost ‘em, huh?” And then he says, “That got a little crazy... I hope... none of them crashed.” This is kind of amazing. Levi is showing actual concern for the two soldiers who’d just attempted to catch him and his friends, who were doggedly pursuing them with obviously bad intentions of some kind. And Levi, after having to resort to some serious ODM skills to shake them, says he hopes that none of them crashed. He doesn’t want Erwin or Mike to get hurt, he just wants to get away from them. Considering he doesn’t know either of them at this point, they’re just nameless, faceless military dogs trying to mess things up for him, that shows remarkable character.

Of course, things go downhill from there, when Mike crashes through the door and tackles him. All bets are off then, because Levi’s life is now in danger, and when that happens, he’ll resort to physical force. Still, he only throws Mike off of him and once again attempts to get away, only for it to be Erwin who swoops down and cuts Levi’s cables. This was actually really dangerous. Given Levi’s momentum and position, he crashes hard into a nearby wall before falling to the ground. So we already see some of that ruthlessness from Erwin here. Of course, that spurs Levi into violence himself. I have no doubt that when Levi lunges for Erwin and knocks his blade away, bringing his knife to his neck, he truly intended to kill him in that moment. Levi’s compassion for these soldiers can only go so far, considering the desperation of his own circumstances. If Mike hadn’t been there to stop it, I think Levi probably would have ripped Erwin’s jugular right out, and that would have been that, lol. And then, it’s important to note too WHY Levi stops. Not because Mike was able to physically restrain him, but because he tells Levi to look around himself, directing his attention to the fact that Furlan and Isabel have been caught. That immediately stays Levi’s hand, and once again, we’re shown how Levi puts the wellbeing of his friends above himself. He could have ditched Furlan and Isabel right then and there and escaped on his own. Instead, he allows himself to be restrained and cuffed. He refuses to abandon them.

Now the next scene is hugely important to a lot of stuff.

Erwin’s got Levi and his friends down on their knees, in the sewage, questioning them about their ODM skills, and the three of them stay silent, obviously defiant. We really get a good look at Erwin’s abilities as a manipulator here.

He’s pulling the whole good cop/bad cop routine on Levi, when he tells him “I’d like to avoid any rough treatment if I can” before looking to Mike in a clear signal for Mike to pretty damn violently tear Levi’s head back by his hair before smashing his face into the sewage on the ground. And this really IS sewage. It’s not mud. If you look at the panels, we see this brown muck coming out of drain pips attached to the surrounding buildings. This water is probably, literally, dirty with feces, and Erwin has Mike put Levi’s face in this and hold it there. Now let’s remember something important about Levi. He’s a clean freak. He obviously cares deeply about keeping both himself and his environment clean. Erwin couldn’t know this about him at the time, but nobody of course would be happy about having their face shoved into literal shit. But for Levi, I can only imagine this had to be tantamount to a kind of torture. Erwin keeps questioning him, looking down at him without any kind of emotion, and Levi remains stubbornly silent, despite how awful this must truly be for him. We get a close up of Levi’s eye in one of the panels, paralleled with Erwin’s own, and Levi’s expression really strikes me as one of awful humiliation. He goes from looking up at Erwin in rage, to looking away, staring straight ahead, while Erwin keeps looking down at him.

Still, Levi says nothing, and it’s Isabel who finally cracks, telling Erwin that they didn’t learn to use ODM from anyone, with Furlan further explaining that they taught themselves as a means of survival. He remarks that “anyone who doesn’t know what sewage tastes like couldn’t understand!”. Clearly, both of them are really upset to see this being done to Levi, and I have to imagine it’s at least in part because they know how awful an experience this has to be for him, given that they know how much he desires to stay clean. Their shocked expressions when Mike first pushes Levi’s face into the sewage says as much too.

But still, Levi remains silent as Erwin then demands to know Levi’s name. What Mike does to Levi in the next panel is even worse. He pushes his face into the sewage and holds him there until Levi literally starts to choke in it, for long enough that, when he finally does pull him up, Levi is gasping for breath. I really don’t see people talk enough about this scene, but, well...

It’s a torture scene. Erwin is ordering Mike to torture Levi here. It may not be the most extreme form of torture, it isn’t the type of physical violence we typically think of when we think of torture, but that’s what it is. It’s causing Levi both physical and mental degradation, as well as physical distress.

Even with this though, Levi’s still silent and refuses to answer Erwin at all.

It’s only when Erwin literally threatens the lives of Furlan and Isabel that he finally talks. This is such an important detail. Levi was willing to take what to him must have been truly horrific treatment, but as soon as Erwin gives the signal to the other two Scouts who have hold of his friends, we see Levi’s expression shift from defiant rage to wide eyed fear as they put their blades to Furlan’s and Isabel’s throats.

Finally Levi talks, calling Erwin a “bastard”, to which Erwin simply asks him again what his name is, and after a slight hesitation, Levi finally gives it.

I think this entire scene is vital in understanding WHY Levi was so violently pissed at Erwin, to the point of wanting to kill him.

I think it’s a combination of both the humiliation and torture he puts Levi through here, and, worse still, the fact that he threatens Isabel and Furlan’s lives. Levi already feels looked down upon by Erwin here, he already feels humiliated and embarrassed and as though he’s being treated like he’s worthless, because Erwin IS treating him like that here. All while Erwin stands there, expressionless, making statements like he doesn’t want to have to use any rough treatment, etc... while at the same time ordering Mike to do just that. Already, Erwin is sending Levi the message that he’s a liar and a manipulator who thinks nothing of putting another human being’s face in shit. And then, to top that off, he shows Levi that he’s willing to hurt, maybe even kill, his two friends to get what he wants.

Is it any wonder Levi hated Erwin as much as he did at the beginning? After a lifetime in the Underground where, from the time of his birth, he had to deal with him and those he cares about being treated like worthless trash. It would be a miracle if Levi DIDN’T want to kill Erwin at this point. To have to then submit to him willingly, after all of that, must have been beyond humiliating for him.

Erwin continues to be manipulative here too, when after Levi gives his name, Erwin’s attitude suddenly shifts, and he smiles at Levi and gets down on one knee with him, in the filth, his entire demeanor seeming to shift into an abruptly friendly one as he offers his deal to Levi. Again, that whole good cop/bad cop thing. At the same time, he continues to threaten Levi by telling him if he refuses his offer, he’ll hand them all over to the MP’s and that, given their crimes, they shouldn’t expect to be treated with any kind of decency. What’s kind of funny about this statement from Erwin is that up until now, Erwin and Mike have done anything but treat Levi decently.

Okay, one more important point to make about this chapter, and it goes back to what I said earlier about Levi not wanting anything to do with the SC, and how that tells us Levi really didn’t want to go through with Furlan’s plans.

After Erwin makes his offer, we see Levi look over at Furlan, who’s giving him an intent look, and in the next panel, we see an almost surprised, or astonished look on Levi’s face, like he can’t believe Furlan is asking him to do this, before he grits his teeth in obvious frustration, and then accepts Erwin’s offer to join the SC. What this tells us is that Levi only takes Erwin’s offer because Furlan wanted him to. Because this was all part of Furlan’s plan, to go through with Lobov’s commission, to get caught by the SC, etc... It’s clear Levi never wanted this, and he’s upset at having to do it. But the fact he agrees after looking over at Furlan and seeing him implore Levi with his eyes tells us, once again, that Levi is willing to sacrifice his own desires for the desires of others. That being his two friends.

For them, he’ll join the Survey Corps, even as every one of his instincts is probably screaming at him that this is a bad idea.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the first chapter of “No Regrets”. There’s a lot more to unpack in this manga than I think people realize. I hope whoever took the time to read my long ass post found it at least a little worth while. I’ll be moving on to chapter two next!

3. Chapter 2: One Arrow

Alright, so onto chapter 2 of “No Regrets”.

I want to talk a little about these opening panels, when Levi, Furlan and Isabel are being driven to HQ by carriage. They seem unimportant, but I think they’re actually really important in understanding Levi’s psychology going into this new situation they’re all in.

We see the interior of the carriage, with Levi and the other two, along with an escort from the SC. Furlan and Isabel are both looking out the window of the carriage, and in particular, Isabel seems incredibly excited and in awe of the passing view. She’s stood up, with her face pressed to the window. And in the next panel, we see her looking at a little girl with her mother, dressed nicely and holding a doll. This really encapsulates everything Isabel herself has probably never had. A reliable mother to take care of her, fancy clothes and toys to play with. Essentially, an actual childhood. We see Isabel’s face in the window, and her mouth is open in wonder, her eyes wide. Like she can’t believe what she’s seeing. It emphasizes the depravation and lack of privilege she’s endured all her life. Meanwhile, by contrast, Levi sits there with his head bowed down, ignoring the passing scenery, looking deeply unhappy, even depressed. When he does look up though, he sees Isabel looking out the window, and on the close up shot of him, he’s got an almost thoughtful expression, if still extremely dour. No doubt, Levi is feeling uneasy and uncertain about the situation they’ve all gotten themselves into here, but I’m also sure that he’s unable to ignore the bubbling over excitement of Isabel, her obvious joy in being, at last, on the surface. I’ll get more into this later in the post, when we see Levi really considering his friends and their dreams, and how it influences and dictates his own decisions.

But first lets talk a little about Erwin and his role in all of this.

Now at the time this series came out, Erwin’s actual, motivating reasons for doing what he does weren’t yet known, so it’s interesting to read into his actions in this story with that context. I have no doubt that Erwin really DOES care about humanity, and wants to fight for it, and its salvation. But as we come to learn from the main series, he places his own dream of proving his father right about the existence of human’s beyond the walls above what’s best for humanity, and it puts his actions in this story into an interesting, if harsher light.

No doubt, Erwin is a master manipulator. He plays both sides expertly against the middle in this story, and I’ll get more into it by the end, when his actual plan is revealed to Levi. But what I don’t see often discussed is how, exactly, Erwin got all the parts moving in the direction he wanted, to obtain a specific outcome, and how he pretty ruthlessly uses so many people as pawns to do so. It’s obvious from the context of what we later learn in the story that Erwin first spread a rumor about having evidence against Lovof stealing funds in order to force him into tipping his hand by trying to make a preemptive move. What I see people miss all the time, or at least, fail to discuss, is how Erwin also, at the same time, made it public knowledge within the Capital, that he would be going after a group of thugs in the Underground who had shown exceptional skill using ODM gear, and that he would be making contact with them as soon as possible to try and enlist them into military service, and how Erwin made these plans public specifically to encourage Lobov into seeking out Levi and his friends for the exact purpose of both implicating Lobov in a crime, and gaining Levi’s and his friends strength for the SC. One, by hiring a group of criminals to steal from Erwin and attempt to assassinate him, so he could use that as leverage in case he wasn’t able to obtain proof of Lobov’s further criminal activities, thus having two means of getting rid of one of the SC’s biggest threats, and at the same time, also manage to score for the SC the exceptional skill of Levi and his friends through forced enlistment. He even says to Zackely at one point “I intend to make use of anyone who has even the smallest potential during this expedition.”. Erwin manipulated and had control of this entire scenario from the start, and from behind these scenes moved all of these people exactly how he wanted to, to achieve his goals. That’s pretty impressive, but also pretty scary. Well, I’ll talk more about all of that when we get to it later on.

Back to Levi and his friends though.

We see them arrive at the SC HQ, and a really important conversation happens between Levi and Furlan.

Furlan seems like he’s almost bitten off more than he can chew here, beginning to express his concern to Levi about what joining the SC actually means, before Levi cuts him off, telling him he’s got no intention of enlisting, and that he only agreed to come along so that he could get closer to Erwin and then kill him. I think Levi genuinely felt murderous towards Erwin at this point, and really means what he says here, at least about killing him. Though given the end of chapter 1, with the significant look shared between Levi and Furlan, and Levi’s begrudging acceptance of Erwin’s offer, it’s obvious that Levi also agreed to come because that’s what Furlan wanted him to do, to give them the opportunity they needed. Levi’s just feeling incredibly emotional here, I think, with the way Erwin treated all of them hot on his mind. Furlan tries to implore Levi to forget about killing Erwin, that it isn’t necessary anymore because of his own plan, and the almost certainty that Lobov and his people won’t ever try to make contact with them again. He tells Levi, if he just listens to him and follows his plan, “I know it’ll work. Trust me, Levi.” Furlan asking him to trust him pulls a meaningful look from Levi, seeming to break through Levi’s angry insistence on killing Erwin. This is where the manga improved on Levi’s characterization and motivation by leaps and bounds over the visual novel, because in the next few panels, we see Levi walking away, with Furlan calling after him, concerned, but we get to see Levi’s inner thoughts, and he’s remembering specifically Furlan insisting to him that “one day, we’ll get outta this trash heap and live up above.” We see Levi thinking about Furlan’s hopes and dreams in these panels, and he has a saddened, and guilt-ridden look on his face, like he feels bad about having dismissed Furlan’s plans back there in favor of his own plans for revenge. We didn’t get any of this in the visual novel, instead the text there making Levi look like he refused to consider anyones position but his own in this whole situation. But here, Levi is clearly concerned with and considering Furlan’s desires.

We go into a flashback then, with Furlan explaining to Levi his plans, telling him that “nothing’s gone according to plan... But with you here we’ll really be able to raise hell.” Furlan’s trying to explain to Levi that since he now has Levi’s strength to rely on, they can actually get something done once they get into the Survey Corps. It almost seems like Furlan’s been planning on trying something like this, or at least, had some sort of loose plan about getting to the surface, even before he met Levi. It’s obviously something he’s been dreaming about for a long time.

Then Isabel comes back, and she’s been roughed up and assaulted, and we learn from Furlan asking her if she went to see those “low-life scumbags again?” that this has obviously happened to her before, that she’s been associating with some bad people and it’s gotten her hurt. She denies it and lies about having just tripped, but clearly neither Levi or Furlan are buying that. Levi asks Isabel what happened to her hair, and Isabel reacts badly, running away and hiding in her room. We get a close up of Levi holding a knife in his hands, foreshadowing his own intentions. Later that night, Furlan hears Isabel crying in her room, and her chanting to herself over and over that she’s going to “kill you”, presumably meaning the men that hurt her earlier. Furlan stands there lamenting that he thinks both Levi and Isabel are going “mad”, and that all they can think about is dragging everyone else down to where they are. He’s obviously terrified that he’s going to lose both his friends to the savagery and ruthlessness of the Underground, that both of them are going to end up becoming lost to their own anger and pain. He starts to say “That’s why I...” before Levi suddenly comes back in, holding a bloody knife, clearly having returned from exacting revenge on the men who hurt Isabel. Furlan asks Levi “Did you kill them...?”, and Levi doesn’t answer, but we see a completely resigned, even sad look on his face. This of course is the world Levi comes from. It’s the world he was raised in. A world of kill or be killed. Levi must have figured, if he didn’t go out and kill those men that had hurt Isabel now, then someday, they would end up going too far with her, and kill her instead. But Furlan clearly doesn’t understand, and doesn’t relate to that kind of mindset, despite coming from the Underground too. Of course, Furlan wasn’t raised by Kenny the Ripper either. This is how Levi was taught to deal with his problems, and Furlan can only see him spiraling into an abyss from which he fears Levi won’t return.

We cut back to the present then, and Levi is sitting up on the roof of the SC HQ, again remembering Furlan’s words about “This is our chance. Trust me.”. Getting to the surface and finding better lives for themselves is Furlan’s dream. The fact that Levi keeps remembering it, keeps remembering Furlan insisting and pushing the idea of the possibility of living on the surface, shows that this is probably something he would talk about all the time with Levi, trying to get him to agree to it, to believe in it. Once again, Levi is contemplating the hopes and dreams of his friends. We get another close up of him holding a knife, and it represents, I think, his struggle between his desire for revenge against Erwin, and his desire to help Furlan realize what, to Levi, is probably an unrealistic goal.

We then get Furlan and Isabel joining Levi, commenting on how beautiful the night sky is, and asking Levi how he could keep it to himself. Levi snips testily at Furlan that him and Isabel are so loud, that he’d be too irritated to get any killing done, and then Furlan looking clearly unsettled by the remark. But it’s obvious, given the context of the previous panels of Levi’s thinking about Furlan’s dream, that Levi is just being peevish and saying things out of frustration and confusion. He doesn’t really mean what he says here. He’s taking his frustration out on Furlan by saying what he knows will upset him the most. What this also tells us is that Levi is very much aware of how bothered Furlan is by Levi’s willingness to kill. He isn’t at all oblivious to it, and given his resigned, saddened expression after coming back from killing the men who assaulted Isabel, I would say Levi even understands Furlan’s dismay. That’s a glimpse at Levi’s famous compassion.

The next panels show the three of them bonding, sitting together and admiring the night sky. Isabel asks Levi if the stars are as pretty as where he used to live. I’m just going to chalk the mistake in continuity here up to this manga coming out before, I believe, Levi’s backstory of being born in a brothel in the Underground was established by Isayama. Regardless of this mistake, this is an important moment between the three of them. You can see the awe and wonder they all feel, looking up and seeing the sky fully for what has to be the first time in all their lives. Remember, all three of them have lived literally underground their entire lives, with little to no sunlight, stagnant, stale air, hideously unclean living conditions, etc... It must be overwhelming to them , just to see nature in all its splendor like that. It’s after sharing this moment together that Levi tells Furlan that he’s decided he won’t kill Erwin for now. He looks at him and says “I’m going to trust you.”. And Furlan smiles at him, clearly happy and relieved. This scene is really important, because we’re seeing Levi choose Furlan’s dream over his own desire for revenge. We see Levi place Furlan’s desires over his own, which is totally in line with how Levi is in the main AoT storyline. He decides his revenge can wait, that it’s not as important as helping Furlan achieve his goals. What’s particularly remarkable about this, I think, is that it doesn’t appear that Levi ever dreamed of going to the surface himself, and likely that he never even considered it a possibility. So just like Levi fights, later on, for a world without fear and violence, for humanity’s salvation, even as all his life experiences tell him it likely isn’t possible, we see the Levi doing the same here, deciding to fight for his friend’s dream, even as to him, it seems unrealistic. It’s obviously a pivotal moment too, when Levi tells him he’s going to trust him, because this ties in hugely with the theme which applies so much to Levi throughout the whole series, of never knowing if it’s better to rely on himself solely, to trust himself, or to trust and rely on his friends and their capabilities. Levi chooses, here, to trust in his friends, and that will obviously have it’s own ramifications down the line. Again, this is an area in which the manga improves radically over the visual novel, which had no instances whatsoever of Levi struggling with the question of the choices we make, which is absurd, since it’s one of the driving factors behind who Levi is, and how he ultimately came to see the world as he does. It was precisely this struggle between choices, between trying to choose correctly, giving so much thought and effort to our choices, and still sometimes coming out wrong, that shaped Levi into being able to accept his lack of control and instead of regretting it, using it to keep fighting.

4. Chapter 3: ... Of Revolution

Okay, so on to chapter 3 of “No Regrets”!

I’ve got a few observations, so I’ll just delve in.

First thing, and once again, I found this a huge improvement over the visual novel, but we get more insight here into the reason Erwin was so intent on recruiting Levi. During the scene in which he’s arguing with the other squad leaders about letting a group of “criminals” into their organization, Erwin pushes back against the other scouts deriding Levi and his friends. I really loved Erwin’s line here, where he says “You’re right. These people had no training. They did not earn wings from us. They grew their own, out of necessity.” This shows us that Erwin has a grasp and an appreciation for the hardship Levi and his friends faced while growing up, while most of the other SC leaders and even regular recruits can only look down on them and see them as gutter trash. This shows Erwin’s own scope of vision, his ability to look past a person’s upbringing and background and not make judgments about them based on that. More telling still is his comment about how “those wings will play a part in revolutionizing this organization.”. He wanted Levi’s skills in particular because he knew having someone like Levi around, with exceptional ability, would shift the way they all fight Titans. He was, as always, looking for ways to increase the effectiveness of the SC, and was willing to do whatever he could, and through any means necessary, to ensure it.

The next thing that caught my attention is the glare Levi and Erwin share during the trio’s introduction to the rest of the soldiers. Erwin’s right in front of Levi, standing there, reminding him of his anger and humiliation no doubt, and I think that leads directly into and impacts the next scene, when Flagon shows them their sleeping arrangements. Levi’s already no doubt irritated by having to see Erwin again, and then Flagon makes his frankly deeply disparaging remark about Levi and his friends having spent their whole lives living in a trash heap, implying that they’re filthy gutter trash, and so surely are incapable of keeping themselves and their environment clean. Levi, understandably, reacts badly to this, and gets in Flagon’s face, asking him what he just said, before Furlan intervenes. When you consider the way Erwin already made Levi feel so humiliated and Levi’s subsequent anger at it, then having to see Erwin again not long before this scene, and hearing Flagon just callously make an accusation like that must have only infuriated Levi more. I think, once again, the manga is doing an infinitely better job of portraying the tension, then, that’s starting to form between Levi and Furlan. Furlan scolds Levi after Flagon leaves, almost talking down to him when he says “Didn’t I tell you not to cause trouble?!”. Almost like he’s talking to some misbehaving little kid. Levi’s expression in the following panel says a lot, I think. Levi looks almost chastised, like he knows he’s upset Furlan, before he tries to explain himself, asking Furlan “Didn’t you hear how he talked about us? Like shit calling shit dirty.”. It’s really interesting what this says about the power dynamic in their relationship. Levi is ostensibly the leader of their group, but Furlan’s acting, in a lot of ways, like he’s the one in charge and he expects Levi to fall in line. Clearly, he’s not afraid of scolding Levi, or challenging him. All of Furlan’s insistence that they lay low and not do anything to draw attention to themselves must only be chaffing though at Levi’s already heated feelings about the kind of treatment they’re receiving, how they’re being talked down to, etc... It must be galling to him, to see Furlan not seeming to care that they’re all being so deeply disrespected. But he still continues to defer to Furlan, and agree to go along with his plan for now, though he makes his displeasure known by calling it a pain in the ass.

But seeing Erwin, and then being treated the way they were by Flagon, seems to have rekindled Levi’s desire to take his revenge, and he reminds Furlan that he’ll continue to go along with his plan, but that he’s still going to kill Erwin. Once again, we see Levi being pulled in two different directions. He’s giving priority to Furlan’s plans and wishes, but he’s still thinking about getting Erwin back. He’s annoyed that they weren’t assigned to Erwin’s squad, probably because it means it’s going to limit their contact, giving him less opportunities to kill him. Another line that I think signifies Lev’s annoyance at Furlan and how, well, dismissive he is of Levi’s own feelings, is after he tells them they have to clean the area around their beds before leaving for training, and in response to Isabel’s protests, he says “You wouldn’t want me to cause trouble, would you?”. He’s throwing Furlan’s words back in his face here, and it seems clear to me that Levi is frustrated and doesn’t appreciate the way Furlan’s been talking to him, or how little consideration for his own wishes he’s shown. There’s a lot of tension there.

Another really important scene is the one in the training yard, so I’ll got through it here.

Particularly when Isabel is talking to the Scout helping her with horse riding, and they get to talking about life in the Underground, and then Levi. What Isabel says, and the visual of the panel here, is particularly powerful. She says “It got so I thought I was gonna die. But life’s a little better since Levi saved me from that.”. And we see in the panel Levi lifting Isabels’ head up, obviously checking if she’s alive. There’s all these people, collapsed around her, and the fact that Levi is checking to see if she’s alive is interesting, because it makes me think this is something Levi would regularly do. That he would check to see if anyone was alive when he came across people collapsed in the streets. It’s probably not unusual to come across dead bodies in the Underground, and for someone like Levi, who’s lived there all his life, he’s no doubt seen plenty. The fact he checks Isabel shows a lack of callousness towards the sight, which is incredible, to not become uncaring or apathetic towards suffering, even when you’re surrounded by it your whole life. It’s a highly unusual quality to have, but of course, it makes perfect sense for Levi, who’s so full of compassion.

Nevertheless, it would have been simpler for him to just keep moving and ignore her, but instead he stopped, and when he discovered she was still alive, he took her in and gave her food and shelter and a home. She would have died otherwise. Levi had no obligation towards her, he had no, really good reason to do something so selfless, and yet, he did. And this truly is remarkable, especially when you consider the kind of cut throat world Levi grew up in, the kind of ruthless people he’d encountered, and even lived with, like Kenny, all his life.

Then there’s Furlan’s discussion with another soldier, and his story about Levi. The most interesting thing Furlan says here is how, after his own friends turned on him, he’s followed Levi ever since. And then he says “Though it might be problematic making him any kind of leader!”. It’s interesting what this reveals to us about Levi. People want to follow him because he’s so strong, but Levi himself has no desire for power, or control over others. People willingly attach themselves to him, because they think Levi can protect them, but Levi isn’t any kind of natural leader. So we know Levi was more or less forced into the role of leader by way of others seeking him out and assigning him that role. What’s interesting about this is how it, once again, reveals the kind of person Levi is. He could easily have rejected all of these people and abandoned them. One thing we know is that Levi didn’t need any help surviving on his own in the Underground. But instead Levi allows them to stay with him and willingly offers his help and protection, and though it’s probably more of a pain and a nuisance to him than anything else. It shows that Levi’s never been able to turn away from those seeking his help.

Which leads nicely into the next scene.

I’ve talked about this scene before, and how disappointed I was that they didn’t include it in the OVA. This also wasn’t included in the visual novel, which is, once more, just another way in which the manga is superior.

Flagon is once again criticizing Levi for holding his blades “wrong”, telling him he’s going to end up getting killed outside the walls. And then the training exercise begins, and we see one of the other soldiers trying to compete with Levi, and growing increasingly incensed and annoyed at Levi’s prowess. He thinks “These vagrants with no knowledge as soldiers...” and then “I trained half to death, and these criminals think they’re better?!”. What’s interesting is to see that while this soldier is fuming internally over Levi’s perceived slight of him, glaring at him angrily, Levi clearly hasn’t even taken notice of him. This isn’t a competition to Levi at all. He’s just there to do the exercises. He’s staring straight ahead, blank faced as always.

Now what happens next is once more hugely revealing as to Levi’s character. The infuriated soldier decides he’s not going to accept that Levi’s better than him, and so he intentionally pushes off of a tree and cuts Levi off mid-flight. What struck me about this is how incredibly dangerous it was. Levi’s going, presumably, full speed, through this obstacle course, and this dude, out of petty jealousy, cuts him off by flying right in front of and past him, forcing Levi to pull back and change direction. A stunt like this could have easily resulted in serious injury for Levi, or even death, if he weren’t as gifted as he is. To top it off, this soldier then brags about it, calling out to Levi “Don’t get left behind!”. Of course, his arrogance leads to immediate disaster, as the soldier that went through the course before lost one of their blades in the dummy Titan, and this dude’s flying towards it at top speed, with no way to stop himself or change direction in time. He’s about to be impaled by a blade. Considering the danger he’s just placed Levi in, then, it truly is a testament to Levi’s goodness, that he launches off the tree he’s stopped on, racing ahead and slicing the stray blade free before the other soldier can make contact, resulting in him harmlessly crashing into the pad, instead of dying. This really shows how Levi’s first instinct is always to help others. Even when others have just not only treated him badly, but even endangered his life. He doesn’t owe this soldier anything, and by all rights should be extremely pissed at him for his petty display before. But instead Levi just automatically reacts to his life being threatened by saving the man. He doesn’t even scold him afterward or express anger, just flies off and continues the course.

What makes this whole thing kind of sad is both the soldier’s and Flagon’s reaction to this. The soldier is still angry and upset over Levi’s superior ability, wondering how he can be so fast, not even sparring a thought of appreciation for him just saving his life. And then Flagon grudgingly admits to Levi’s fighting prowess, but continues to doubt him and his ability to stay disciplined. Even after saving one of his own men’s lives, he still continues to look down on Levi. That’s pretty messed up. Levi glares back at him after, as if to say “Who’s the one who’s going to get people killed out there?”. Levi saved a soldiers life, while Flagon could only sit and watch. It’s interesting too how this, tragically, foreshadows what’s to come though, with Levi not being able to save the people he cares the most about. But we’ll get into that when we get there.

Also, just gotta mention also the way Levi reacts to Isabel’s getting upset after he bonks her in the head and calls her stupid. He looks surprised when she starts crying, and it’s clear he didn’t mean to actually hurt her feelings, and it’s just really sweet, the way he rubs her head after. He obviously felt bad.

5. Chapter 4: Proof

Alright, just a few things to say about chapter 4 of “No Regrets”.

One thing that I love that was in the manga that, once again, wasn’t in the visual novel, was Levi’s reaction as they ride out from Shinganshina, as well as Furlan’s and Isabel’s. This kind of internal exploration of these characters who had never been to the surface, who had spent their whole lives in darkness, getting to see the sky for the first time, was something that was entirely absent from the visual novel, and it’s one of its biggest weaknesses. But here, we see Levi looking up at the stone structure of the wall gate, and for a moment, he imagines the ceiling of the Underground, before they emerge out into the open and the full view of the sky appears for the first time. Levi squints up at the glaring sun, and we see an expression of genuine awe and amazement on his face, as well as Furlan and Isabel. This is the first time any of them have experienced anything like this, and the overwhelming beauty of it for them is wonderfully visualized here. The way Levi goes from seeing the claustrophobia and imprisonment of the Underground, and how that opens up into a clear, blue, ending sky, really symbolizes him experiencing for the first time in his life a kind of freedom he’s never before had. And there’s something incredibly moving, but also incredibly tragic about that.

Now another point I want to address, where the manga and anime both differ from the visual novel, in a really vital way, is how here, we see Furlan lamenting that they’ve left the walls, saying “This is terrible. I never meant to leave the walls. If we’d followed the plan, we would have grabbed them and snuck away by now!”. This shows that they’ve been looking for the documents in vain for several months now, and still have yet to find them. Furlan’s plan had obviously originally been to find them and then get out of dodge, but because they weren’t able, they ended up having to wait around longer, until the time came for the expedition. Now how this is presented in the visual novel really struck me as horrifically out of character for Levi. In the novel, it’s explained that the reason they haven’t left is because Levi kept insisting that he had to kill Erwin, refusing to leave until he could do so, and if not for that, Furlan would have forgotten about the documents and simply had them all desert the SC, back to the Underground. Levi intentionally ignoring the safety of his friends for revenge on Erwin really goes against everything we know about him from canon, and was a pretty glaring detail, so I’m glad they nixed that here. There’s no mention of Levi forcing them to stay because of his need for revenge, but rather an implication that none of them were willing to leave until they got the documents. They took this a step further in the OVA even, with that one scene in which Levi argues with Furlan and Isabel, insisting that if it comes to them having to leave the walls, he’s going to go alone, and he wants them to stay behind. This really is an important distinction to make in Levi’s characterization. We know he always places the safety of his comrades above all else, if he can, and tries his best to keep them alive. And the whole reason he agreed to Furlan’s plan in the first place was because he wanted to help Furlan’s and Isabel’s dream of living up above come true. He would never purposefully endanger their lives, or so thoughtlessly dismiss their safety. This is something which gets further corrected later in the story, too, when Levi makes his fateful choice, and I’ll get more into it there as well. One detail though is how Levi tells Furlan not to worry, that he’ll “do something about the Titans.”. Levi clearly believes in his own strength, and believes it will be enough to protect his friends at this point, which goes back to the theme of him struggling to know which is better to rely on, oneself, or ones comrades. Here, he’s relying on himself to protect them. He asks Furlan “Don’t you trust me?”. He’s reminding Furlan that he’s never let him down before, and he promises he won’t now either.

We see Furlan later finding that full trust again, when Levi engages with the abnormal titan, and sees his fearlessness, giving him his own strength to fight. It speaks volumes about the kind of camaraderie shared between all three of them, that they’re able to work so smoothly and effectively together the first time any of them have ever fought a Titan, and how deeply Furlan and Isabel trust Levi to get them through any dangerous situation, as they willingly follow him into battle.

6. Chapter 5: Hearts

Alright, onto chapter 5 of “No Regrets” and then I’ll do the last three chapters tomorrow.

The first thing I took note of was how after everyone gets to the castle ruins, Levi reminds Furlan and Isabel that they’re still outside the walls, and that anything could happen, so they should “stay sharp.”. Once again we see Levi being concerned with the safety of his friends, remind them not to put their guards down. This leads into the next scene, where Furlan remarks that he never thought they’d be able to stop a titan so easily, and reaffirms his faith in Levi’s strength by saying as long as Levi’s with them, they’ll survive somehow. Levi responds to this with some self-doubt, which is really interesting and will tie into some other observations I’ve made about this chapter, later on. He says if there’s more than one of those abnormal titans, he’s not so sure they’ll be alright. Clearly, he’s concerned for the wellbeing of his friends while they’re on the outside like this. He doesn’t feel totally confident.

He then asks Furlan if he’s sure Erwin’s brought the documents with him outside the Walls, which tells us that they’ve obviously had previous discussions about this, that it was a group decision between them, of the necessity of leaving the walls in order to get close enough to Erwin to get the papers. Furlan says he made sure, talking about how he searched Erwin’s office top to bottom, observing that he found a bunch of unrelated documents, and in particular, a locked drawer which he found suspicious. Now what I find interesting here is Furlan’s internal thoughts, because I think he realized Erwin’s intentions already, but he dismissed his suspicions based on them seeming unlikely to him. But in his memory, he thinks, when he sees the locked drawer, that it’s almost like it was made to be searched, and upon opening it, he finds plenty of secret looking documents, but not the ones they need. He then wonders if Erwin is trying to tell him that they’re not there. What’s so interesting about this is just how deep is shows Erwin’s manipulation of this situation actually goes, and how many steps ahead he actually is. We saw in chapter 3 how Erwin was standing at his office window, observing Furlan, which tells us that he was always aware that Furlan was going to try and find the documents, which in turn lead to Erwin arranging his office to nudge Furlan in the right direction, of thinking the documents aren’t anywhere at HQ. Furlan picks up on this possibility, that Erwin is in fact manipulating them, wondering to himself if Erwin WANTS him to think he has the papers on him, giving him the “run around”, but he dismisses the thought out of hand a moment later. What this tells me is just how in control Erwin is here, and it made me think that it’s possible Erwin influenced Furlan’s thinking in this direction, to assuming Erwin had the papers with him, as a means of keeping him, Levi and Isabel there in the military longer, delaying their escape, so that he could intentionally force them outside the walls on an expedition, so he could see what they were actually capable of. At the end of chapter 4, after seeing Levi take down that abnormal titan, he observes to himself, “So your wings are the real thing, after all, Levi.”. This is just speculation on my part, but given what a masterful manipulator Erwin really is, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was his plan the whole time, knowing Levi and his friends wouldn’t and couldn’t leave until they had the documents.

Alright, next observation. It’s kind of funny how, after laying out his plan to search Erwin’s bags with Isabel, and asking Levi to guard the passageway Erwin went down with Shadis, and to stop him if he started to come back before they were finished, Levi’s first assumption is that he should start a fight with Erwin, lol.

More interesting is when Furlan says to Levi “Don’t kill him, even by accident. After all, if we lose an officer outside the walls, we’ll be in trouble, too.”. Because it tells us that they weren’t ever planning on killing Erwin outside of the walls when they went out on expedition. The goal was to try and find the documents, and hoping going beyond the walls would yield an opportunity to do so. This is another, vital change from the visual novel. In that, Levi is still obsessing over killing Erwin, over any consideration for the original plan, ranting even that he’s going to make Erwin get down on his knees and beg for his life before killing him, and that just struck me as wildly out of character for him. They wisely took out that entire piece of dialog here, and instead we lead into a scene of Levi guarding the passageway, and remembering the whole reason for why he agreed to come to the surface in the first place. We go into a flashback of Lovof’s messenger making contact with Levi and the others, propositioning them with Lovof’s commission. What’s really important in this scene is Levi’s initial reaction to the proposal. He’s immediately skeptical and disbelieving, and doesn’t want anything to do with it. He tells the messenger so, and tells him “Go back up there and I’ll pretend I didn’t hear anything.”. Levi shows great instincts here, sensing the danger present for him and his friends, and outright rejects any association. It’s Furlan, then, who steps in and shows interest in the deal, calling the messenger back. Levi’s clearly confused, but yields to Furlan’s look, and Furlan proceeds to tell the messenger that they’ll have to think about it, but that they’re interested. Levi’s clearly not happy about this, and once the messenger leaves, he begins to protest, but Furlan cuts him off and starts to lay out his plan to tail the messenger to find out who his employer is. Isabel expresses disbelief that Furlan actually means to go through with this plan, and Furlan again brings up the dream of making it out of the Underground, talking about how rare a chance it is, to actually live in the Capital, obviously trying to entice both Levi and Isabel with the notion. Levi points out that even if they get the documents, it’ll just lead to them being Lovof’s next targets, and Furlan responds with his plan to blackmail Lovof instead. Levi’s still dubious on this idea, asking Furlan if he really thinks “those pigs will care about a threat from the Underground?”, and Furlan responds that it’s worth a shot. He then implores Levi and Isabel again, saying “Come on, you two, don’t you want to make it up there?”, and we cut back to Levi in the present, contemplating Furlan’s words. Again, we see Levi thinking long and hard on Furlan’s dreams here, over any thoughts he has of Erwin or revenge. He’s prioritizing Furlan’s wishes over his own still, thoughts occupied by what his friend wants.

Now, this leads into a really interesting and meaningful encounter with Erwin.

Well, the first thing I notice in the exchange is when Erwin calls Levi’s friends his “subordinates”, and Levi responds with “They’re not my subordinates…”. This tells us so much about how he views himself in relation to Furlan and Isabel. He doesn’t see himself as their leader. He doesn’t want to control them. He just sees himself as their friend, and protector.

Now the conversation between Levi and Erwin gets really interesting when Erwin starts talking about having seen Levi take down the abnormal titan from earlier, and he observes that with a natural like Levi around, the others must feel safer. Levi looks at Erwin with wide eyes, before responding to him that the reason he was able to figure out how to fight that titan before was because he watched how it moved as it ate another soldier. I think Levi’s feelings of guilt here are pretty obvious. He feels bad for having watched another soldier die, and using his observations while watching to figure out how to kill the titan. It’s like he’s arguing with Erwin here, telling him the others shouldn’t feel safer with him around, that they shouldn’t rely on him. Levi is showing doubt in himself here, again, just like earlier when he pushed back again Furlan’s claims that as long as he’s with them, they’ll be safe. Interestingly, it’s Erwin who essentially tells Levi here that he shouldn’t feel guilty, that the SC is built on those types of sacrifices, and that as long as they’re fighting to take back the world for humanity, none of the soldiers there would feel regret for dedicating themselves to such a cause. I think this is actually the start of the turning point in how Levi views Erwin. He looks at him here with an almost astonished expression, like he’s seeing Erwin in a sudden, new light. Like he’s starting to doubt his own, initial impressions of him, and wonder if maybe he wasn’t totally right. But before he can think on it further, Isabel shows up and calls him away.

Levi then learns that Furlan and Isabel weren’t able to find the documents, essentially confirming that if they’re anywhere, they have to be on Erwin’s person, which leads to the inevitability of having to kill him if they want to get their hands on the papers. Levi’s find with this, because it’s what he wants to do anyway, even as Furlan shows continued apprehension.

And then we get the scene with Hange.

It’s pretty funny that Levi was about to gut Hange, for real, when he thought she had overheard their conversation. It tells us how far he’s willing to go though to protect his friends.

Still, this whole scene is actually pretty moving, in its way. Because Hange is really the first person to express genuine gratitude towards Levi and his friends, and treat them as genuine equals, to which we see Isabel in particular respond after seemingly being unimpressed. Even Levi seems stunned, muttering out “thanks”, like he doesn’t know what else to say as Hange heaps praise on them. It’s also funny how Furlan has to remind Levi to “be nice.”. Poor Levi just doesn’t know how to socialize.

But the important part of this scene is when Hange points out how everyone there is wanting to know how Levi was able to take down a titan so easily, drawing their attention, and Levi’s in particular, to the other soldiers watching them. Hange affirms what Erwin had said to Levi earlier, about how his presence there made the others feel safer, when she says “You’ve given them hope that humans don’t have to lose to the titans if we fight correctly.”. And we see here, I think, the first seeds being planted in Levi’s mind that he might be able to do more, that he might be able to actually help these people. He’s been told as much twice in quick succession. I think this is where Levi starts to get the idea for the first time that he might have found somewhere where he belongs. We’ll get more into this next chapter, when I talk about his conversation with Isabel. But for now, after Hange asks him again if he has any advice, he tells them he just has his own way of doing things, and he can’t teach it to anybody. When she tries to insist, he blows her off and looks away.

Furlan asks Levi, after Hange leaves, what the big deal is in just showing them some simple trick, and Levi says he doesn’t want to be responsible for the loves of anyone other than you two. This is really important, because it again tells us a lot about Levi’s psychology here. He doesn’t want to teach these people how to fight because he doesn’t want to be responsible for them getting hurt or killed. Just as he expressed discomfort earlier with what Erwin said, and his own sense of guilt over how he figured out how to fight the titan, Levi really seems to me like he’s afraid here of failing to protect others, and actually harbors deep doubts about his own ability to do so. So even as we know people tend to flock around Levi and follow him in the belief he can protect them, Levi himself is afraid that he isn’t strong enough to help them the way they want him to. It’s indicative of someone who’s experienced deep loss in their life, which we know Levi has at this point. Someone who’s afraid of making attachments because he doesn’t want to have to experience the pain of that loss ever again. And it shows a painful insecurity in Levi. He wants to help people, but he doesn’t want to end up failing them, or doing something which could lead to them getting hurt or killed. He doesn’t want to be responsible for their lives, because he’s afraid he can’t be.

Furlan tells him not to be so dramatic, and Levi doesn’t say anything in return, but we see a resigned, saddened look on his face, like he knows Furlan wouldn’t understand if he tried to explain how he feels.

Then we get Isabel’s comment about not understanding trying to take back the world for humanity, but her starting to realize the Scouts genuinely believe in what they’re doing. We see Levi’s silence again in response, but this one is more contemplative. He himself is starting to realize the same as Isabel. That these people really believe in what they’re saying. And again we go back to the first seeds of a sense of belonging starting to develop in Levi, even before his big moment with Erwin at the end. He’s starting to sense that maybe he’s found a place where he belongs, where he can actually use his abilities in a way that could make an actual difference in the world. It’s subconscious at this point, but Levi is starting to get that sense I think.

7. Chapter 6: Living Creatures

Okay, onto chapter 6 of “No Regrets”!

So the first thing I want to jump into here is, once again, something which the manga vastly improved on over the visual novel, and that was the scene following the flashback to Levi and his friends learning about the long-distance scouting formation before the expedition, and then Flagon’s instructions to them in the present. I don’t think this scene was even included in the visual novel, but it’s indispensable in understanding Levi’s mindset going into the fateful final act.

Isabel gets carried away by Flagon’s speech, and ends up saluting, expressing genuine enthusiasm for the SC’s cause, before realizing what she’s done and turning around, seeing Levi and Furlan looking back at her in silence. Furlan looks unimpressed, while Levi wears his usual stoic expression. You can’t tell one way or the other what he’s thinking, which is why the next scene is so hugely important, because we get a look into his inner thoughts.

I saw another person say not long ago that in this scene, Isabel expresses a desire to join the SC, and Levi blows her off and ignores her, only thinking about his revenge on Erwin, and to that person, I would like to ask ‘What scene were you reading?’, because that’s pretty much the opposite of what happens here. This scene reveals so much about Levi’s own, inner conflict, and how he’s beginning HIMSELF to understand and even sympathize with the cause of the SC, and the soldiers who have dedicated themselves to it. Let’s dissect it here a bit.

The scene takes place at night, before they ride out again, and Levi is sitting up with Furlan and Isabel, and he’s thinking quietly to himself. The first thing he’s recalling in his contemplation here is Sairam’s words, asking Levi if he knows how many elite soldiers have been eaten by Titans. This plainly shows Levi’s growing concern for Furlan and Isabel. The longer they spend outside the walls, the higher the risk of something going wrong, and that’s a worry that’s heavy on Levi’s mind here.

He then remembers, in quick succession, all these various interactions and the words of different people throughout his short time up here on the surface. He recalls Sairam hurling insults at him and his friends, calling them punks, and then Hange’s opposite words of encouragement and appreciation, telling them they’ve given everyone hope. He recalls Furlan’s words, telling Levi that with him there, they’ll really be able to raise hell, and then Isabel’s words, pointing out that the SC soldiers really believe their cause is worth dying for. Finally, Levi recalls Flagon’s degrading words, about how Levi and his friends have spent their whole lives in a trash heap, implying they’ll never amount to anything more than garbage, and last, he recalls Erwin’s words, how he’d seen the desire to kill in Levi during their first encounter.

All of this is hugely important to understanding Levi’s psychology, I think, and understanding his feelings of conflict and confusion, and how it ultimately plays into him making the choice he does. For Sairam’s and Flagon’s words, it’s the assumption people have made about Levi all his life, that he’s nothing but a worthless criminal who can’t do anything good for anyone, and Levi’s struggle to overcome that perception that people have of him. In contrast to that, Hange’s words are sending Levi the opposite message, that he isn’t just a worthless criminal, but someone who can actually contribute something positive and important to other people’s lives. He’s someone who can inspire hope. Something Levi’s always secretly wished he could do. And then there’s Furlan’s words, serving as a confirmation to Hange’s, in which he expresses his reliance on Levi to help make his own dreams come true, and Levi seeing himself in that role, of taking care of these two people whom he loves. And there’s Isabel’s words, a clear admiration and astonishment at the realization that these soldiers really believe in a cause bigger than themselves.

We see all of Levi’s greater hopes, his desire and wish to help other people, coming into conflict here with the way he’s been treated all his life by others, as a worthless, good for nothing criminal, and how that treatment has forced him to become the very thing they accuse him of being, someone ready and willing to kill, someone ready to commit crimes, etc… It’s Levi’s pride and anger battling with his deeper desire to protect and help others. The thing his life and his environment has FORCED him to become, against his truer nature. This is such a vital, important scene, and once again, the manga succeeds in explaining and revealing Levi’s complexity as a character, whereas the visual novel just flat out butchered it.

Now getting back to Levi’s interaction with Isabel in this scene, and the woeful misinterpretation I saw another person make one time.

Furlan is talking about how, given the complexity of the formation, they won’t be able to break ranks without being spotted, and he suggests they should just wait until they’re back behind the walls before trying to steal the documents again. Levi points out that if all three of them leave, then yeah, they’ll likely be spotted, and gives no further opinion. Already, Levi is thinking that maybe he could go after Erwin and the documents alone, thinking of taking the entire burden of the operation on himself, carrying the hopes and dreams of all of them on his shoulders alone, (which is why he later calls himself conceited and proud, having relied on his own strength entirely, instead of his friends too, ending in failure, which in turn goes back to the very beginning, with Levi’s statement about never knowing what the better option is, to rely on oneself, or on their comrades). But anyway, he doesn’t protest or try to counter Furlan when he says they should just focus on getting back alive. Isabel expresses agreement, and then says she knows the documents are important, but she also doesn’t want to get in the way of the SC and what they’re trying to do. Now here’s where the conversation gets really important in, once more, understanding Levi’s psychology.

He and Furlan look over at her, and while Levi stays silent, Furlan gets annoyed, chastising Isabel for seeming to suddenly care about the other soldiers, accusing her of only caring because Hange’s cookies were good. Furlan clearly doesn’t understand Isabel’s sentiments here, he doesn’t get why she suddenly seems concerned. He’s still focused on their own goals, and that’s all that matters to him. But Isabel begins to explain that it’s just that she’s starting to understand why the SC goes out beyond the walls, and likens it to how they felt living in the Underground, wanting to escape to the world above. She’s saying she understands that sense of being trapped, of being imprisoned, and the longing for freedom. And then she talks about seeing lots of her friends dying underground, while dreaming of making it “up there.”, and how seeing that made her feel like she HAD to get up there. It’s like Isabel is saying here that her dream to make it to the surface was strengthened by the dreams of others who never got to realize it for themselves, and that she wanted to make it to the surface, more than anything, as a way of giving the dreams of those who had died without realizing them, meaning. By making it to the surface FOR THEM. She starts to try and explain what she means, saying ‘It’s…” before Levi suddenly speaks for the first time since her monologue, saying “It’s like leaving the walls behind to kill the Titans…”

This is such a huge moment. Because contrary to what I saw this one person claim once, Levi is acknowledging Isabel’s feelings, and expressing empathy with them. He’s telling Isabel here that he understands what she means, because he feels it too. This desire to fight for freedom as a way to give meaning to the suffering of those who couldn’t escape their imprisonment. Levi, rather than ignoring or blowing Isabel off here, is relating to her. Her feelings are his own. Isabel smiles dreamily and says “Yeah.” Because Levi put her thoughts into words. She then keeps talking to Levi, starting to ramble about what she wants to do when they get to live in the Capital, how fun she thinks it would be to steal from all the “rich pigs” and use their money to buy useless junk, before she falls asleep.

Furlan then kind of bursts this bubble of reverie that Isabel and Levi have fallen into, and what he says here is, again, so important. He says “I’ve got to revise our plan. We’ll need to steal the documents before you and she start seriously talking about dedicating your hearts, or whatever.” Furlan’s perceived how Levi’s own feelings are beginning to match up with Isabel’s, how he’s starting to feel drawn to and sympathetic towards the SC’s cause, and he’s worried, because that’s not what they’re supposed to be there for. They’re supposed to be there to steal the documents so they can get a chance to live in the Capital. This is Furlan’s dream, ultimately, and he doesn’t want to lose sight of it to some unrealistic ideal. What’s so interesting here is the contrast between Levi and Furlan. While Levi is so quiet and reserved and hard to read, he’s actually showing himself to be more of the dreamer of the two, while Furlan is much more practical and less prone to fanciful, ideal notions like helping people beyond their own means.

We get one last shot of Levi gazing at Isable, thoughtfully. He’s still thinking about her words.

Alright, then comes the next big scene, with all of them outside again, to try Erwin’s new formation. We see, again, Levi’s gradually shifting opinion of Erwin already, when he remarks that Erwin’s idea is “brilliant”, once he sees how it works, expressing genuine admiration for it and Erwin’s mind. Levi still hates Erwin, and want to kill him, but we already see this desire in him starting to crack and come apart, replaced by an almost astonished curiosity instead. Like he isn’t sure what Erwin is, but he’s impressed, in spite of himself.

Then the storm comes and everything starts to fall apart.

Another, massive and vital change here in the manga from the visual novel is Levi’s reaction to the sudden storm. In the visual novel, Levi’s first and only response to it is that he can use it as cover to go after and kill Erwin, sparing no thought to the safety of his friends, or the other people in his squad. It was another instance in which I thought Levi’s characterization in the novel was just horribly butchered, and so once again, I was so glad to see them correct it here. Levi’s first response, after he, Furlan and Isabel start to lose contact with Flagon and the others, is to scream at his friends to not get separated. He's only worried about them in this moment, and wants to make sure they don’t lose contact with each other. He isn’t thinking at all about leaving them here yet. Just this small addition completely changes Levi’s motivations and priorities, leading into the fateful choice, and it’s immeasurably better characterization for him then what was presented in the visual novel. I’ll get more into it with the next chapter. So until then, thanks again for reading.

8. Chapter 7: Those Three

Okay, onto chapter 7 of “No Regrets”, and there’s really no need for me to say that this is by far the most heartbreaking chapter. I think, perhaps, the most tragic part of it all is that Levi made the choice that he did because he was actually trying to protect everyone. Now I’m going to break his choice down and get into the details of that, so let’s just dive right in.

First off, I want to talk a little about, once more, the pivotal contrasts between the way Levi’s choice is presented here in the manga, and how it was presented in the visual novel, and why, like everything the manga’s done so far, it’s an immeasurable improvement in the manga.

Basically, the way Levi’s choice in the visual novel plays out doesn’t in any way relate to his later philosophy which serves as the driving force behind Levi’s character in the main SnK series, while the way his choice plays out in the manga relates to it completely.

In the visual novel, it isn’t even really a choice at all. There isn’t any consideration or struggle for Levi to choose one way or the other. Levi acts purely on impulse, and as I stated in my analysis for chapter 6, he reacts to the sudden storm by wanting to use it as cover so he can go and kill Erwin. That’s it. That’s his sole motivation for leaving his friends behind. He puts no thought into it, he doesn’t consider the ramifications, he doesn’t seemingly care about anything at all except killing Erwin, and to hell with the consequences. Again, this is so wildly out of character for Levi, that I could hardly believe it while I was reading it. To make matters worse, when Furlan tries arguing with him and tries to convince him to stay, the writing directly contradicts its earlier statement that Levi didn’t consider Furlan and Isabel to be his subordinates by having him snap back at Furlan that he’s (meaning Levi) the one who decides, almost rubbing his higher rank in their social interactions in Furlan’s face, before just riding off without another thought. It’s just awful characterization. And, as I said, completely severs any relation of Levi’s actions here to the philosophy he later develops and adheres to so strongly in the main series, indeed, the philosophy that he lives by and which governs his actions, the philosophy that serves as his character motif. It turns it into a decision made purely through emotion, a purely selfish and thoughtless act taken, and indeed, the only lesson Levi would be able to take from that sort of impulsive decision making would be that he should put more thought into his actions in the future, because if he does that, then this sort of thing won’t happen again.

But that’s not the lesson Levi learns, and that’s not the foundation of his philosophy.

Levi’s entire philosophy revolves around him understanding and accepting that he can never know the outcome of any given choice he makes until after the fact, no matter how much effort and thought he puts into trying to make the right one, and finding a kind of freedom in relinquishing that control. It is absolutely vital, then, in order for Levi’s choice in “No Regrets” to mean anything, and for it to in any way relate to the philosophy which governs him later, for it to have been a well thought out and deeply considered choice, and that’s exactly what it’s presented as in the manga.

Now I want to break his choice down here panel by panel to get into why.

First of all, the first key difference between the manga and visual novel, is here in the manga, Furlan is the one who first points out that the situation for them is bad, because in this weather, it’s likely Erwin will get eaten by a Titan, and if that happens, they won’t be able to get the papers they’ve been after this whole time. Levi isn’t shown even THINKING about any of that up to this point. He’s only shown concern for Furlan and Isabel, wanting to make sure they stay together, and sticking himself by their sides. Furlan goes on to say here that in order to take the papers, they’re going to have to head to the center of the formation. Furlan’s the one who brings the entire subject of Erwin and the documents up here, not Levi, and this is a huge and important difference.

They hear Flagon fire the sound grenade, and realize he and Sairam aren’t far off. Furlan says they might be able to join them somehow, but then he hesitates, and says “but… Levi.”

Furlan is looking to Levi here and asking him to make a decision for their group. Do they go off together and try to get to Erwin before he gets eaten by a Titan and they lose their final opportunity to get the documents they need, or do they go and join Flagon. Furlan puts the responsibility onto Levi’s shoulders here.

Now here’s where things get really complex, and we see how truly nuanced, considered, and thought out Levi’s choice really was, and ultimately, then, why it turning out to be the wrong choice is so deeply tragic.

Furlan and Isabel both are looking at Levi, waiting for him to choose, and we get to see Levi’s internal thoughts.

The first thing he thinks in this situation is to weigh the worth of the lives of his squad and his friends against his own, and this is so exactly like Levi, and once more shows infinitely better characterization of him than what was done in the visual novel. Levi thinks here “If the three of us go, the team we leave behind will be shorthanded.” This is literally Levi showing private concern for the lives of Flagon and Sairam, knowing that if he takes Isabel and Furlan with him, those two’s chances of survival out in this weather diminish drastically. He then thinks “If I go alone, there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to find them again.” He’s considering his own chances of survival here, if he strikes out on his own. He knows that if he does, his own chances of getting killed increase. So here we see Levi struggling with whether to prioritize the lives of his squad, or himself. Ultimately, he decides to prioritize the lives of his squad. And I’ll get more into that in a moment.

But Levi continues to struggle. He tells himself “Which is it? Pick one.”, as the storm worsens around him. He’s agonizing over it. And then he closes his eyes, and he thinks of Isabel, remembers her saluting Flagon from the night before, and the understanding for the SC’s cause that she expressed, and how he himself understood it, and her sympathy, even her empathy with how they felt, saying she didn’t want to get in their way, meaning she didn’t want to compromise their mission. Levi himself has been developing an attachment to these soldiers, and an admiration and understanding of their dedication, seeing how like his own desire to fight for and protect the lives of others it is. To leave Flagon and Sairam to their fate and unprotected, then, would be both a betrayal to Isabel’s feelings and wishes, and his own. Levi doesn’t want to be the cause of Flagon’s and Saiyam’s deaths by taking Isabel and Furlan with him and leaving them by themselves. Also, in remembering the way Isabel saluted Flagon and her enthusiasm for the SC’s dedication, Levi must also have realized, if he took Isabel with him to steal from and kill Erwin, it would destroy any future chance she might have of ever joining the SC again, if that was something she wanted. To take her with him would implicate her in his crimes and rob her of that possible future.

Levi then thinks of Furlan and Isabel in the Underground, looking at him, and Furlan explaining to him his plans, his hopes and dreams of using this new found opportunity to make it to the world above and make for themselves better lives. He’s remembering Furlan, and Furlan’s reliance on him to make that dream come true. Remember how Furlan told Levi “With you here, we’ll really be able to raise hell.”. His plan always hinged on having Levi’s strength and ability in order to succeed. Levi knows, then, if he chooses to not go after Erwin then and there, and get the documents from him, Furlan’s dreams will be dashed, and Levi will have failed to help make them come true. And Levi has gone along with Furlan’s plans up to this point, against his own, better judgment, specifically because he wanted to help realize Furlan’s dream, to make it a reality. To abandon it now, after all of that, must have seemed unacceptable to Levi.

And then Levi remembers Erwin, standing over him in the Underground, superior and smug, callous and uncaring for how he’s disrupted and threatened the lives of Levi and his friends. He remembers his anger at Erwin, his feeling of humiliation and rage.

And it’s this memory, finally, after all the others, after considering the lives of Flagon and Sairam, after considering Isabel’s wishes, and Furlan’s dream, that tips the scale for Levi in deciding that he has to go alone after Erwin. It’s the weight of all those factors, the fear of letting Flagon and Sairam die, the fear of letting Furlan and Isabel down, on top of Levi’s own pain and anger, that decides it for him. If he doesn’t go after Erwin alone, if he takes Furlan and Isabel with him, Flagon and Sairam will probably die, and both Furlan and Isabel will be implicated in the crime of theft and murder. If he stays with Isabel and Furlan to join up with Flagon and Sairam, then Furlan’s and Isabel’s dreams likely go out the window.

This is no snap decision on Levi’s part. It’s a deeply considered, thought out and in many ways selfless choice he makes. And, again, that’s really what makes it so horribly tragic. Levi was really TRYING to do the right thing here, was genuinely acting in a way he thought was for the best, for all parties involved. He gave just as much, really MORE consideration to Furlan and Isabel and Flagon and Sairam than he did to himself. It was the combined weight of the interests of all the other people involved that pushes Levi towards the choice he makes, and his desire for vengeance on Erwin is just the final straw which tips the scale in that direction, not the one and only deciding factor. It is, from all angles of consideration, the best choice to make.

So Levi tells them he’s going alone, and tells Furlan and Isabel to join up with Flagon. He says he’ll get the documents, that’s the FIRST thing he’s going to do. Not kill Erwin. It’s the documents Levi is prioritizing here. And since he’s going after Erwin to get the documents anyway, he’ll also, he says, be the one to kill him. In Levi’s view, he’s being presented with a chance here to succeed in all their goals. In Levi’s view, this must be a win/win situation if he can find Erwin and do what needs to be done.

Furlan starts to protest, before Isabel cuts him off and says she’s going with Levi too, and Levi asks her, if she comes with him, who does she think is more likely to die, just him, or Flagon and Sairam. He’s reminding her here of her desire to not get in the way of the SC soldiers, of her sympathy and empathy towards them, and is imploring her to realize that going with him will leave Flagon and Sairam vulnerable. He’s telling Isabel that he can take care of himself, more than those two can. He says, specifically, If the four of you stay together, it’ll raise their chances of survival.”. He knows it’s dangerous to strike out on his own in this kind of weather, but he knows it increases his squad’s chances of survival if he does. Levi makes the decision here to place the lives of Flagon and Sairam over his own, and to support Isabel’s own feelings in the process.

And then Furlan begins to protest again, telling Levi to keep his cool and think, trying to explain that if he just waits a little while, the fog might clear up. He’s clearly afraid that if Levi goes out there on his own, he’ll get killed.

Levi asks Furlan then if he’s saying the Titans will wait until then, reminding Furlan that each moment they fail to act and go after Erwin, is another moment in which Erwin could get eaten, and risks Furlan’s dream being destroyed.

Furlan continues to protest, trying to impress on Levi how dangerous it is, to act alone, and Levi shouts back that he heard Furlan already, before insisting that he can do this by himself. And then he screams at Furlan “Trust me!!”. He’s putting the same request on Furlan that Furlan before put on Levi, asking for his trust, asking for his belief. Furlan may be ready to give up on his dream for the sake of Levi’s safety, but Levi isn’t ready to give up on Furlan’s dream for the same.

They glare at each other, and then Furlan asks “Is that an order, Levi?”, and Levi’s reaction to that question speaks volumes.

He looks shocked at it, his expression one of clear surprise and confusion.

He then asks “An order…?” like he doesn’t understand why Furlan would even ask something like that, before saying “Why does it have to come to that? I’m just… The two of you…”

This is in such sharp contrast to the way they had Levi acting in the visual novel and is, once more, infinitely superior.

It shows so plainly that Levi doesn’t want to be considered Furlan’s and Isabel’s leader, he doesn’t want to be treated as their leader. He only wants to be their friend, and for them to see him as their friend, and as someone they can depend and rely upon to always care about them and their dreams, as someone who will always fight for them and their dreams. He says “The two of you…” before trailing off, like he doesn’t know how to express any of that. But that’s what Levi is trying to say, he just doesn’t know how, as usual. He’s bad at expressing himself. He’s trying to tell Furlan that he’s going after Erwin because he’s trying to still make their dreams come true, he’s trying to support them and protect them and ensure that this entire situation they’ve gotten themselves into isn’t in vain. Levi’s expression as he looks back at Furlan here is heartbreakingly earnest. He looks open and vulnerable, as if imploring Furlan to understand.

And Furlan looks back, and finally realizes what Levi is trying to tell him. And when he realizes it, he smiles, and laughs. Because he realizes Levi is doing this for him, and for Isabel, and for Flagon and Sairam, even. He realizes Levi truly means well here, and has made the choice he has after deep thought and consideration. That this isn’t an impulsive or hotheaded choice, that he IS thinking clearly. Levi is confused by his reaction, and Furlan keeps laughing along with Isabel, before telling Levi “Fine. I’ll trust you.”, giving Levi the same regard Levi before showed him before, in agreeing to follow Furlan’s plan. Furlan chooses to trust in Levi’s decision making, chooses to trust in Levi’s own plan now. And then he tells Levi not to die, and Isabel tells him to make sure he comes back. They’re scared for him, but they’re choosing to trust him.

We get a significant panel then, as Furlan and Isabel fall back from him, and Levi looks back at them, as if still uncertain in his choice, despite all the thought he put into it. He’s still filled with self-doubt, even as Furlan had just moments before expressed belief in him. Like he thinks there’s something he must be missing, even though he’s sure he thought out every possible scenario and reason for choosing as he did.

What’s important too, in understanding Levi’s choice, is that it never once occurs to him that Furlan and Isabel could die. He thinks Flagon and Sairam potentially will, if they all leave them behind, and he thinks he himself might, if he strikes out on his own. But he never thinks it a possibility that Furlan and Isabel could. He chooses then, in that moment, to also trust in the strength of his friends. He shows absolute belief in Furlan’s and Isabel’s strength, to the point that he believes Flagon and Sairam need them, more than he does. It isn’t even a thought Levi can entertain, that him choosing to leave will put Isabel and Furlan’s lives in danger. With all the consideration he does, all the thought he puts into making the right choice, it simply isn’t conceivable to him, that his friends could die. If he had thought that a possibility, if such a scenario had occurred to him, he never would have left. He genuinely believed, if all four of them stuck together, they would be alright, even if he himself wasn’t.

A few others points of note in this chapter.

When Isabel and Furlan meet up with Flagon and Sairam again, and Sairam asks if Levi is dead, Isabel reacts violently, screaming “Of course he isn’t!! Levi will come back. Bet on it!”. This emphasizes, in a truly heartbreaking way, Isabel’s own faith in Levi, and her need to believe he’ll be alright. She insists that Levi will come back, and this builds off of Isabel’s continued refrain throughout the story of how Levi is “the strongest”, both below and above. Levi is Isabel’s hero, and she clings to his perceived strength in this moment, needing to believe in it to comfort herself over his safety.

This runs parallel then to Levi coming upon the butchered squad from the first rank, and his horrified realization that there are at least four Titans that did this, and that they’re heading back the way Levi came from, meaning right for Isabel and Furlan and Flagon and Sairam. He immediately turns around and tries in a frantic dash to make it back in time, thinking desperately to himself that there’s too many Titans, and they’ll be overwhelmed. And then he comes upon the sight of Sairam being eaten, and he cries out for Furlan and Isabel.

Truly the most heartbreaking part about this entire scene is how Levi tries so desperately to make it to his friends in time, but how he just simply isn’t near enough too, and can only watch, then, as they die. For Levi, who’s entire identity revolves around wanting to help others, to protect others, his own helplessness in this situation must be truly horrific for him. And especially, his own helplessness in watching the two people that mean the most in the world to him get eaten alive.

Another truly heartbreaking moment here is how Isabel decides, in Levi’s absence, that she’s going to take on his role as protector, and save everyone. How Isabel’s admiration and hero worship of Levi is, indirectly, what gets her killed here. She wants to be just like him, and in trying to be like him, she ends up dying. All of this happens in front of Levi. He has to watch Isabel die while trying to do the thing he’s made himself responsible for, which is protecting the lives of others. And the way she starts to call out for him, right before the Titan’s jaws close around her, is truly gut wrenching. Levi’s expression here is one of such utter horror and shock too, before it turns to sudden, murderous rage, and he tries once more to close the distance and make it in time, only to have to watch both Flagon, and then Furlan both get eaten too.

Levi thinks to himself, as Furlan’s being lifted to the Titan’s mouth “I’m going to end up letting everyone die.” Before screaming out Furlan’s name. Levi is already blaming himself, already feeling the abject weight of his failure. This is the moment when he realizes his choice was the wrong one.

Furlan, in one of the saddest moments of all, finally sees Levi and, as if to say ‘it’s okay. This isn’t your fault’, waves to him in acknowledgment.

Maybe most cruel of all is how Levi, even in the face of his overwhelming fear and horror and self-hatred, clings desperately to hope, still trying with everything he has to make it in time to save at least one of his friends. He thinks to himself “Come on, make it in time!!”, and only to make it more tragic still, he almost DOES make it in time, just barely a moment too late as he slices off the hand of the Titan that had been holding Furlan. Levi misses saving Furlan’s life by mere moments. It’s truly the definition of tragic, and beyond traumatizing.

9. Chapter 8: Choices

Alright, and now I’ve reached the final chapter of “No Regrets”, so let’s just dive right in!

There really is so much more to unpack from this story than I think people realize.

Firstly, just a few, truly devastating observations I want to talk about.

The first one being how, even after Furlan gets swallowed by the Titan, Levi still believes he can save him. The fact that he cuts the Titan open from the chest down to his sternum, and free’s Furlan’s arm, and the panels which show Levi reaching out for his hand and ripping him from the Titan’s stomach is just… so heartbreaking. The way too that he gently carry’s him back to the ground and lays him out, only to discover that his entire lower half is gone, and he’s dead, just the level of trauma you know this must be causing Levi is immense, and beyond tragic. This is one of only two, true friends in his life, and he’s so desperate to have been able to save him, that he clings on to the possibility to the bitter end, until he’s forced to face the bleak reality. Levi’s devastation is really brilliantly depicted in how he wobbles, as if his knees are weak, when he stands back up.

And then of course comes Levi’s rage, and how he takes it out on the Titans, expressing his grief and pain in the only way he knows how, through violence.

But maybe the most heartbreaking moment here comes once he’s through killing every Titan there, and he starts to stumble away, and his foot comes into contact with Isabel’s severed head. This is, once more, another area in which the manga improved hugely over the visual novel.

Levi’s reaction here is just… the most heartbreaking thing ever. The way he stares when he realizes he’s looking at Isabel’s head, and then falls to his knees, his overwhelming grief here is just so beautifully depicted in these panels, as he reaches out a hand to cover her eyes, and then slides them closed, in an attempt to give her some sort of dignity in death. The way he can’t even look at her, just doubled over in his grief, just killed me to see. It’s so unspeakably sad, and conveys to us readers the true depth of Levi’s despair, I think.

And then we move on from this horrific grief, to the climactic moment of the story, when Levi and Erwin again come together, and we see Levi’s overwhelming rage. Again, this entire scene was a massive improvement over the visual novel. Well, for starters, in the visual novel, they had Levi cut Erwin’s horse down to bring him to the ground, and again, that’s just so out of character. Luckily, they fixed that here too, with Levi simply leaping up and dragging Erwin off his horse.

These panels really are amazing too is showing Levi’s intense rage, as he warns Mike to back the hell off, and brings his blade to Erwin’s neck.

What’s really interesting here is what Levi says.

After the struggle of the choice he made, before Furlan and Isabel were killed, after giving so much consideration and choosing based largely on their own dreams and wishes, Levi tells Erwin here “I’m going to kill you, you bastard. That’s why I’m here.”. And Erwin responds, after studying Levi a moment, “So they… all died? I see.”. Erwin gleans here, both from Levi’s words and expression, that his friends have died, and what he says indicates that he knows the only reason Levi hasn’t tried to kill him before now is because Furlan’s and Isabel’s own well being and their own dreams were the only thing holding Levi back. Levi made no attempt on Erwin’s life before because he was placing Furlan’s and Isabel’s wishes above his own, but now that they’re gone, there’s nothing to keep Levi from acting out his revenge.

This is also where we get Erwin’s full reveal of just how in control of this entire situation he’s been this whole time, and how he manipulated every player and outcome to his desires.

This really isn’t something I see get discussed a whole lot when talking about Levi’s relationship with Erwin, and how it started out. But, unquestionably, Erwin used Levi and his friends against their consent, to achieve his own ends. He set the whole thing up, from first spreading rumors about having some sort of evidence against Lovof’s embezzlement, to then spreading the information that he was looking to recruit Levi and his friends from the Underground, thereby giving Lovof the very idea of going to them to obtain his own proof of the evidence’s existence, while simultaneously leading Erwin to the definitive proof he sought by following the messenger Lovof sent and intercepting him. At the same time, giving Erwin a means of throwing Lovof off by using Levi, Furlan and Isabel for cover. It really is incredibly impressive, but also heartbreaking, the way Erwin used Levi and his friends to his own ends, but of course, perfectly in character for Erwin too, willing to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals. It begs certain questions though about the equality between Erwin and Levi, at least at the start of their relationship. Erwin clearly had the control and power in this situation, and though clearly he never meant for Furlan and Isabel to die, still, his decision to rope Levi and them into his plans to catch Lovof and also to gain their strength and skill for the SC, did lead indirectly to their deaths. Surely, if Erwin had never meddled in their lives, and used them as tools, they would have all still been alive in the Underground.

But of course, this leads into a really interesting clash, then, between Levi and Erwin, and where we see Erwin win Levi over to his cause. This is, as is becoming a redundant theme of my analysis here, a giant improvement over the visual novel. There, it makes it seems as if Levi decides to follow Erwin only because Erwin has something Levi lacks, and until he can figure out what that something is, he won’t be able to “defeat him”, implying that Levi is still somehow obsessed with beating Erwin in some way. Like he isn’t joining Erwin to fight for his dream of a better world, but because he wants to figure out what Erwin has that he doesn’t, so he can become superior, or whatever. But here, in the manga, Levi’s reasons for deciding to follow Erwin are much more complex, and tied in with his own personal drive of wanting to help and save others, and into his relationship with Furlan and Isabel.

Levi tells him “It wasn’t worth throwing away their lives! They were nothing but pawns in your worthless game. Well, you lose.”, right before he means to take Erwin’s head off.

What’s interesting here is Erwin’s response. He doesn’t try to deny to Levi that he used Furlan and Isabel and Levi himself as pawns. He doesn’t argue, or try to defend himself on that front. What he takes issue with is Levi calling the reasons for it a “worthless game”.

Erwin’s entire speech to Levi here really builds off of the feelings Levi had already started to develop, about feeling like he had maybe found a place to belong, where he could maximize the good he could do. This wasn’t yet a fully formed idea in Levi’s head, up to this point, but the seeds of it had started to form.

Erwin asks Levi who’s responsible for killing his friends. He asks if it was him, if it was Levi, and then he asks if he really thought that if they had come together to attack Erwin, that they would have made it out alive.

This is what Levi is beating himself up over, of course. The belief that he made the wrong decision, in leaving Furlan and Isabel behind, thinking to himself if they hadn’t split up, they would still be alive. He blames himself for how he came to that decision, and starts to say as much to Erwin here, saying it was his conceit and his pride that was to blame, no doubt thinking of how it was his memory of Erwin and the humiliation he caused Levi that was the final tipping point which decided him in favor of going after Erwin himself, and also how he simply convinced himself that he would be able to shoulder all of the responsibility himself in such a dire situation, remembering how he told Furlan “I can do it by myself!” so insistently, asking him to trust him, to trust essentially in Levi’s strength. To Levi, in this moment, his own strength must have seemed worthless suddenly, his belief in it leading to nothing but abject failure. But then Erwin cuts him off and says, emphatically that, no, it was the Titans who killed them, before beginning to talk about how little they know about the Titans, and how if they continue to remain ignorant like that, they’ll never win against them. He tells Levi to look around himself, and points out how, for as far as the eye can see, there are no walls, and then suggests that, in all that open space, there might be something they can find to free humanity from its despair and imprisonment. And then he reminds Levi that there are people who want to stop this from this from happening, only concerned with their own profits and losses, content to stay where danger can’t reach them. He shows sympathy, saying it’s understandable why they feel that way, because they’ve been blinded by the walls for a hundred years, and can’t see past their own survival.

And then he asks Levi if his eyes have remained clouded too. He’s asking Levi here if he only knows how to live for himself, and if he’ll kill him and return to the Underground to continue to do so, after losing the two people he cared most about in this world.

But of course, Levi’s already learned how to live for people other than himself. That was his whole reason for coming to the Surface in the first place. In support and dedication to the hopes and dreams of his friends. Levi’s eyes HAVEN’T been clouded, he’s already discovered and embraced what it means to give your life for others, already able to see past his own benefit.

Erwin reminds Levi of that here, and tells him they won’t give up on going outside the walls, before asking Levi to fight with the Survey Corps, telling him “Humanity needs your skill!!”. He reminds Levi, even after the loss of the two people whom he had been living for up to that point, that he can continue to live for others still, that he can still fight for the hopes and dreams of others, and that he doesn’t have to return to the life of isolation and loneliness and futility that he once lived, that he doesn’t have to return to simply surviving, or fighting only to survive. He’s reminding Levi that his life can mean more than that, just like he realized when he became friends with Isabel and Furlan. That his life can have purpose, and that, if he lends his strength to the SC, he can do more even than help a few people. He can, in fact, help all of humanity.

The following panels show Levi coming to this realization. He remembers Furlan and Isabel at his sides as they rode out into the open for the first time, into the first, true sense of freedom they had ever known, and their shared awe and wonder at the sight. And Levi is realizing here, just as he had fought for his friends dreams of freedom, and of a better, more hopeful life, he can continue to fight for the same, only for everybody, for all people. He can make the most of his abilities, and help the most people, by staying in the SC and fighting at Erwin’s side, fighting for Erwin’s vision of something beyond the walls, of a kind of salvation for humanity.

What Erwin gives Levi here, really, the thing Erwin gives Levi that he before lacked, is a sense of hope. A belief in his own ability to make a meaningful, positive impact on the lives of others. It’s like Erwin’s own belief in that hope for humanity’s salvation is so strong, that Levi finds himself able to believe in it too, and he decides then and there that, for the sake of that hope, for the sake of the vision of something better, Levi will stay by Erwin’s side. Because it’s what Levi’s always wanted to do, to fight for the hopes and dreams of others, to fight to make the lives of other people better, and Erwin has shown him the way to do so. He shows Levi that Furlan and Isabel didn’t die for a “worthless game”, but for the sake of all human kind, and that’s why Levi is able to let go of his anger towards Erwin and follow him. And that really feeds into Levi’s need, later on, for every soldier’s death to carry meaning. If he can believe Furlan and Isabel died for a truly important reason, he can accept it and cope with his grief. Like Isabel expressed herself before, these people genuinely believe their cause is worth dying for, and Erwin reminds Levi of this again.

So he forgets his anger and pain, and chooses instead to follow Erwin, and dedicate himself to the cause of humanity’s salvation.

The final panels of the manga are incredibly moving, with Levi slowing down behind Erwin and Mike, and glancing back one last time to where he lost his two, best friends, before looking away and riding on, as the sun shines through the clouds. Like one, final acknowledgment of their lives together, and the sacrifice they made, before committing himself fully to his new life ahead.

10. Prologue

Just a small note on the prologue. It opens up with Furlan and Isabel and Levi sitting beneath the only, real source of sunlight in the Underground, watching the birds in the sky. Isabel wonders where they’re going, and Furlan answers “Far away... They can fly even beyond the walls. To Places we couldn’t go eve with those machines.” Isabel smiles, and says “Got that right! Just you wait! I’ll go with you someday.”, while Levi looks up into the sky, silent. This is only further proof of how Furlan and Isabel both expressed their dream of someday making it on the surface, of achieving freedom from the prison of the Underground, and how Levi would sit and listen to them say things like this. We see shots of just how grim and harsh the Underground really is here, with people lying passed out and sick in the streets, the pervasive, overwhelming darkness, and just overall depressing atmosphere. It’s the kind of place that, clearly, robs people of their will to live. Of any kind of hope. It’s important to note that Levi himself never expresses any such dream, or desire. He never voices that he wants to make it to the surface. This is Furlan’s and Isabel’s dream, their hope, and Levi hears it from them seemingly often. Probably, because of how hard his life has been, Levi’s never even considered it a real possibility, and so never even entertained the idea of it becoming real. But for Furlan and Isabel, he was willing to try. He went to the surface for them, to try and make their dream a reality.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #No Regrets #acwnr #a choice with no regrets #Levi Ackerman #Furlan Church #Isabel Magnolia #Erwin Smith #snk analysis #meta #thoughts

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wanderinginksplot · 4 years ago

Text

One-Shot: Sev + Motto

Sev x gn!reader fic, features the rest of Delta Squad as supporting characters.

Word Count: 1400 or so

Warnings: reader receives minor injuries (burns) on a mission

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"Play di’kutla games, win di’kutla prizes."

If you had heard Sev say it once, you had heard him say it a thousand times.

Working with Delta Squad was normally fine. Honestly, it was outright entertaining on a regular basis. As an expert in untraceable comms, you were often partnered with commando squads. Infiltrating enemy planets was a norm in your job, and you made sure the squads could communicate with each other and nearby GAR ships regardless of which side controlled the planetside communications systems.

Delta was one of your favorite groups. Fixer was direct and to-the-point, efficient beyond all else. Scorch was side-splittingly funny, even in the middle of an intense battle. Sev was funny as well, though his humor was darker and full of wickedly clever observations. Boss was a natural leader, and he never felt the need to throw his authority around to make a point. More importantly, Delta Squad accepted you as one of their own, and your work with them was seamless in a way it wasn’t among other commando squads.

Of course, that also meant that you were subject to the same treatment as any other member of Delta Squad.

“Watch your fingers!” Fixer warned. “Heat gloves are standard issue for a reason.”

“Does it look like I have time to put on gloves?” you demanded. “Focus on covering me, and I’ll get this done.”

Two minutes, forty-seven seconds later, you had finished setting up the tower and taken a major step toward establishing communications on the Separatist-controlled planet. You would never admit it to Fixer, but you had thoroughly burnt several of your fingers on the superheated durasteel of the communication diverter’s inner core.

Crawling back through the brush to avoid enemy detection was awful. It may not have been so bad, but the burns were scattered across both of your hands and they were already beginning to blister.

You made it back in good time, despite the injuries you were trying to hide. Boss and Scorch had been the other team, going to plant detonators in the appropriate spots. Despite the comparative complexity of your task, you and Fixer were the first ones back. Sev was there to greet you, scowling at the pair of you.

“Took you long enough,” he grumbled.

“Excuse me, are we not the first team to finish?” you asked, satisfaction clear in your voice.

“Yeah, but if you had been faster, we would have an update on Boss and Scorch by now,” Sev countered. “You know how Scorch gets around too many thermal dets. He may have blown himself up by now and we missed it.”

“Considering how many detonators he had, I’m sure we would have seen the explosion from here,” Fixer told him.

You laughed at the solid point - half because Fixer was funny when he wanted to be and half to release the anxiety and adrenaline of a successfully completed stealth mission.

Fixer leveled an unimpressed look at you. “Besides, some of us could spend this time treating the injuries we’re trying to hide.”

“You got hurt?” Sev asked, frowning at you. From any other squad, it might have sounded like concern, but you immediately spotted it for what it was: a vague irritated belief that you would slow them down.

"Barely," you snorted. "Minor burns, nothing to worry about."

"Until the blisters pop and leave you open to infection," Fixed countered, already taking over the observation post Sev had been manning. "Oh-Seven, take care of it, please? I'm not up to playing medic right now."

"Oh, so I have to?" Sev griped.

You stood up, throwing a look of disgust at the pair. "I think I'll patch myself up, thanks."

You had barely cracked open Delta Squad's first aid kit when heavy footsteps warned that someone had followed you. You ignored Sev's red-streaked armor as he stepped up behind you, focusing instead on spreading bacta gel across the tender burns on your hands.

"Here, just- Would you let me do that?" Sev asked impatiently, taking the gel from your hands.

"I could do it myself," you told him, a little pointlessly, since he had already taken over.

"I know you could, but it'll be faster if you let me."

Sev had removed his helmet, and he had the stubborn set to his jaw that warned that he wasn't going to let this go. Rather than waste both of your time, you rolled your eyes and stuck out your hands. He knelt in front of you, the kit open beside him, and started to apply the bacta gel.

He worked in silence for a few minutes, callused fingers oddly gentle against your skin, until you couldn't take it anymore. "Go ahead, say it."

"Say what?" Sev asked, looking up at you with a frown on his scarred face.

"What you always say," you explained with a frown of your own. "Come on, it's basically your motto."

"I don't have a motto," Sev told you slowly. "I'm not some idiot with a motto. I'm not Scorch."

"Okay, but you can't think of a single phrase you repeat often?" You pressed. "Especially when someone gets hurt doing something you think is stupid?"

"Not really," Sev denied, clearly puzzling it over.

You watched him, aghast at the idea that you had been making up his insulting phrase. As he turned his attention back to your burns, you caught a glimmer in his eye and you nudged him with your foot.

"That's not funny, Sev!" you tried your best to sound furious, but the way you were laughing detracted from the effect. Sev chuckled along with you. "I thought I was going insane!"

"I wouldn't say it to you," Sev said, finishing the last bandage.

You stared at him. "Yeah, of course not. It isn't like you've said it to me multiple times in past missions."

"Well, those, you actually had done something stupid and you got what you deserved," he told you mercilessly. "But this time, you got hurt trying to complete a mission."

"Yeah, but I wasn't wearing the proper gear," you countered.

Sev didn't look impressed, picking up one of your carefully bandaged hands as he spoke. "I know burns, and heat gloves wouldn't have saved you here. Maybe the burns would have been less intense, but we would also be picking melted synthweave out of your hands."

You squeezed Sev's hand since it was still wrapped around your own. "Thanks for making me feel better, Sev, and for taking care of my hands."

"Well, I have to make sure my favorite comm specialist is willing to work with us again," Sev told you, helping you to your feet.

You had never taken a step away, and from your position standing close to Sev, you stared up with a dumb grin spreading across your face. "I'm your favorite comm specialist?"

"You're my favorite anything specialist," he told you and you beamed at him. To your complete shock, he returned your smile, his handsome face glowing with the quiet happiness of the moment.

You began to speak, though you had no idea what you planned to say. Unfortunately - or fortunately - you were interrupted by the arrival of Sergeant Boss and Scorch. Delta Squad's leader was supporting Scorch, who limped along making exaggerated noises of pain.

"Scorch, what happened? Are you okay?" you asked, horrified that he had been hurt.

"I didn't bring enough fuse," Scorch answered, immediately dropping his pained attitude - though his limp didn't change a bit. "Had to run from the site and I twisted my ankle."

"Well, play di'kutla games, win di'kutla prizes," Sev told him sourly as you shot him a disbelieving grin.

"Yeah, yeah," Scorch muttered. "This team doesn't appreciate my talents."

"Talents," Fixed scoffed.

"Of course!" Scorch replied, sounding offended. "It takes talent to get hurt this often and not die."

"The Kaminoans may have bred us for tenacity, but I don't think that's what they had in mind," Boss told him. "There's something to be said for learning from your mistakes."

"Isn't anyone on my side?" Scorch complained, eyeing you pointedly.

You sighed, but threw him some sympathy anyway. "I'm on your side, Scorch. I'm glad you're okay."

Fixer cut short Scorch's gloating. "That's only because you weren't the only one who was injured doing something stupid today."

Scorch gave you a commiserating nod. "Did Sev give you the speech, too?"

You glanced up at Sev. The scarred commando was watching you as he tried to bite back a smile. You shot him a subtle wink and said, "Yeah, something like that."

---

A/N - dedicated to myself, because I say "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes" way too often for someone who is usually the one playing the stupid game. Feel free to visit my masterlist for other one-shots and series, or make a request!

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wiypt-writes · 4 years ago

Text

Rock ‘n’ Roll People In A Disco World

Part 1- Disco Down

Intro: It's range day. SWAT vs LAPD Special Crimes branch. You and your finance decide to have a bit of fun with the interdepartmental competition.

Pairing: Paul Diskant x Reader

Warnings: Bad language, Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar the reader and any other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: So yeah, I started another series. Bad WIYBUPT. But there aint enough Disco out there so I thought I’d rectify that situation. This is also another entry for @imanuglywombat ‘s “Is That Even A Sex Position” weekly challenge. This position is called “Juicy Ass”. See here for more information.

Rock ‘n’ Roll People Masterlist // Main Masterlist

It was early in the morning, the first warm rays of the LA sunshine had barely begun warming the pavement when the two of you had started your day. Paul was already pouring you both coffee to go as you met him in the kitchen, dressed in your Swat training tee, utility pants and standard issue uniform boots, hair French braided back. You smirked at the dapper young detective before you, slacks, dress shoes, button down and tie.

It'd been a gruelling last few weeks for you both. You were working a SWAT case with your unit and Paul was busy working an LAPD Vice officer's homicide. He would trudge in late at night, either from the precinct or more recently from a night out with Vice following some leads. You were always already asleep and he didn't want to wake you. He'd kiss you softly, shower, kiss you again and crawl into bed, hugging you close.

Now, you were both getting ready to head out, finally having slept in the same bed together for the first time in weeks. Given your nature, the two of you were playfully squabbling over the upcoming late afternoon's task, a joint fire arms training session between your unit, LAPD SWAT and Paul's unit. The joint time spent at the range always turned into pool of who'd win and, usually, was too close to call rounding off with each team going head to head in a final duel.

And things were getting competitive in the Diskant home.

"If I can make it," Paul grumbled, "we should sweeten the deal."

"You'll make it.” You popped a shoulder. “Paul Diskant doesn't miss a day at the range, nor friendly competition. So, name your terms?" You smirked mischievously over the rim of your mug, watching him adjust his tie.

"Winner gets a favor." Paul devilishly replied.

"What kind of favor?" You played along and the look on his face already made your insides squirm as he raised a brow and curled his lips further in his smirk. "Paul!"

"Y/N!" Paul mimicked, cutting the distance between you, big hands on your hips, thumbs rubbing along your shirt. "Baby, it's been days. This Vice case has me pulled away longer than I have been since I was a beat cop."

You rolled your eyes and wrapped your arm around his shoulder, fingers grazing the point where the short hairs of his buzz-cut met his neck.

“Fine." You kissed him deeply, the taste of coffee on both your tongues but something that was just him too. "We'll call it a bonus." “Bonus...” he nodded. “I can run with that.”

“You couldn’t run a fucking bath, Disco.” "Oh Sweetheart, you're on." The challenge in his voice and mischief in his eyes lit a fire under you. You kissed him again and moved away, a swift smack from his hand to your ass made you yip but you kept walking.

****

The drive into the station was quiet, you reading over your training schedule for the day and Paul driving. The only sound that filled the vehicle was the sound of him humming along to the radio, thumb tapping along to the beat of the song on his steering wheel, before you heard him let out a loud sigh.

"I have some stuff to chase down this morning but if nothing pans out, I should be at the range with the rest of my unit."

"Well, then I'll hope it doesn't pan out, just so I can kick your ass with my Glock," you chuckled as he let out a groan.

"Baby, you know, watching you handle that Glock and riffle makes me horny as fuck right? Nothing like a woman that can shoot," Paul admitted. He took your left hand away from the file and pressed his lips to the top of it. He knew why you did it, but he still hated not seeing your diamond flashing on your finger all day.

"Oh yeah?" You turned your standard issued sunglass covered eyes to him, "is that why you wanted to marry me?"

Paul chortled, “one reason among the many."

He pulled into the carport and parked in his designated spot. You exited the vehicle and gathered your bag from the popped trunk.

"See you at the range, don't be late, or I'll have to listen to Rodriguez bitch as she drives me home." You gave him a teasing kiss and slung your bag over your shoulder, walking away.

"Hey, Y/N?" He called after you. You stopped and turned around to look at him, lifting your sunglasses to the top of your head. "Don’t waste too much energy today, huh? You’re gonna need all the strength you have tonight, Baby."

You chuckled to yourself, "Just show up, we'll talk energy later," you rolled your eyes and walked off, flipping him the bird over your shoulder.

The scorching sun boiled across the training facility tucked between the hills of the valley, away from the hustle of the city and just far enough out of reach for civilians. Abandoned buildings and, green fields and a simulated neighborhood made up the grand, multi-million dollar facility. You and your team had been at it all morning, moving through the buildings in full tactical gear and safety equipment. Together you cleared buildings, fired upon fake assailants and suspects. You and your partner, Alma Rodriguez, even hit the weights and boxing bags to keep loose after a hand to hand session against Everett and Evans. To keep your trigger fingers hot and ready, you played a round of long range sniper poker, you of course beating the team with a straight flush, bullets hitting their targets dead center.

It was the last hours of daylight by the time Special Branch showed up and you couldn't help but smirk as you watched Paul set up his gear from across the field. Long gone were his slacks and tie, and now, he was dressed in a tight black tee with the edges of his two bicep tattoos peeking out from the hem, and uniform issue pants and boots, his wrap arounds shielding those beautiful blues you loved getting lost in.

You smirked as the two of you locked glances, his smile forming across plump lips. A cocky flick of his head was sent in your direction and you laughed, pulling a hundred dollar bill from your pocket and slapping it flat against the table.

The competition started, pairing SWAT members against Specials, two by two until both your captains were the final two.

"Shooters on the line," the facility command officer called. Each shooter stepped up, readying their rifles. Your team lined up behind your boss, Paul and his desk buddies watching from their side. "Stand by... Ready..." The whistle sounded and the first shots at their prospective targets were fired.

Firing judges followed behind each shooter, judging accuracy, safety and protocol. Three rifle shots fired down range and the shooters tossed their weapons to the side, tucking and rolling one roll with their hand on their pistol all while watchful eyes looked on. Your boss didn't roll, but Paul's did and the snickering started from Special Branch. It didn't deter your focus as you watched your boss, Captain Rogers, finish the round. Three shots fired at metal targets, each one going down in accuracy, then a clip reload and three more shots fired at a close range target before the commanding judge asked both men to put their weapons on safe and holster them. He approached each target for accuracy and declared Paul's boss, Captain Wilson, the winner of the round. That brought the two teams to a tie.

The Detectives cheered and razzed SWAT but both captains settled their groups down. The field judge confirmed the tie in the competition and groans sounded from both teams.

"I'll tell you what, I'll toss in an extra two hundred bucks to pit Y/L/N against your pick," Rogers held two one hundred dollar bills up, handing them over to the field judge for safe keeping.

"Alright, I see your two and raise two," Captain Wilson held out his bills, "for Diskant to take that challenge."

"Oooooooh", both teams razzed the real life couple.

You couldn’t help the smirk on your face as one of Paul’s colleagues piped up that this could back fire spectacularly as would Paul really want to risk pissing off the woman who controlled his sex life.

“That’s exactly why he wants to win,” you jibed back, causing him to roll his eyes and scoff, “because his sex life is on the line if he doesn’t.”

More laughter rang out across the area as Paul merely shrugged, a smile flickering across his face as you heard Rogers speak loudly to Wilson from behind you.

“Between us, two hundred on my girl to blow your man outta the water."

Paul leaned down, to whisper into your ear, a smirk plying on his lips, "something's gonna get blown."

"What was that?" You coyly played.

“Sure you wanna do this?” He asked, turning to look at you, his brow arched. “I mean you could just forfeit now and save yourself the embarrassment.”

You held his gaze for a moment before you made a show of dragging your eyes down his body, your gaze lingering on his crotch as if you were contemplating his offer, before you raised your head, your tongue poking out from between your lips a little.

“Did you forget to zip up?" You asked. Paul gave a start, his head jerking down to look at his ‘piece’ so to speak, and at that moment the whistle was blown to start.

The first shots were fired, Paul's just seconds behind yours. Tucking behind the mailboxes for your next shot, you nailed your target and moved forward to fire your final rifle round, using a metal barrel as your cover. You laid your riffle to rest, took a few steps, tucked your chin and rolled, planting your feet and rising up to draw your personal firearm. Poised for your next quick shot behind a mock window frame, you fired at the target and moved on, Paul's form in your peripheral, matching you shot for shot. Coming around the frame you fired a walking shot at your next target and then took your place at the final marker, firing away before the expected reload and emptying your clip into the standing paper target with his hostage.

"Safety on... Holsters." The range judge called after he blew his whistle. You and Paul followed his commands and waited as he examined your individual targets. It was close, you knew it. Paul was an excellent shot.

You watched as the judge looked over Paul's target first, poking his finger through two holes in the face before moving on to yours. You nailed your target, all three shots hitting the suspect. One dead shot to the center of his head, the other in the chest and the last in the torso.

"Here's your winner," the judge declared, pointing at your target.

Cheers began to ring out and you heard Paul groan loudly, turning to you. "You cheated.”

"I guess the favor's on you," You quipped as behind him you saw Captain Rogers holding his hand out, ready to receive the cash prize from Wilson.

“You still cheated.”

“I did no such thing!” You scoffed.

“You distracted me.” He folded his arms across his chest, a sullen pout on his handsome face.

“Well, you should know better than to take your eye off the target, Disco,” you smirked and he narrowed his eyes playfully. “On second thought, I think I will let Rodriguez take me home. Burgers and beer on you. Don't forget the extra pickles."

He smirked, his lips brushing yours as he spoke, "come on, ride back with me, I'll make it worth your while."

"Erm, unless I'm mistaken you just lost so..." You popped a shoulder, your eyes not leaving his as you began walking backwards away from him. "I'm in charge."

“I want a divorce.” He shot back and you laughed, shaking your head.

“We’re not married yet, hot shot.” You winked.

“Details.” He waved his hand and you snorted, before you turned and jogged to catch up with your colleagues.

*****

As per your instructions, Paul didn’t forget the extra pickles and later that evening the pair of you were sat on the sofa in your comfy clothes, food and beer in hand as you lounged back watching a film on the Television. You stole a glance at your fiancé for a moment, his sharp profile illuminated in the soft light of the lamp to his right. He really was incredibly handsome, and you often wondered daily how the hell you’d gotten so lucky, as he could have had his pick of women, they tended to fall at his feet wherever you went. But he’d chosen you. Not only that, he’d pursued you. It had taken him a good few weeks after you’d both met on a case when he was in Uniform to finally accept his offer of a date. The dates had continued, and six months later you’d moved in together, and a year or so after that, he’d gotten down on one knee in the middle of your apartment and asked you to be his wife.

Which, reminded you of something you’d heard before.

With a smirk you turned your attention back to the film, took another bite of your burger before you spoke, your tone light and airy.

"So... strippers huh?"

Paul hastily swallowed his food and turned to look at you. "What?"

"Nothing, just typical."

"No, what?" He chuckled.

"I just heard one of the guys before commenting about how the wedding is getting closer so the stag do needs planning. The words Vegas and strippers were mentioned. Several times"

"Fucking Adler, man," he shook his head, dropping his empty burger container into the paper bag on the table in front of you.

“So you are going to Vegas, then?” You shoved another fry in your mouth to stop the smirk from spreading at the teasing.

"Uh, yeah," his reply was nonchalant, but he rubbed at his neck in that way he always did when he was a little nervous or uncomfortable. His big tell.

"Right. And there will be strippers?”

“Yes, there PROBABLY will be strippers." He side eyed you a little as he reached for his beer, the faint flush of red visible on the back of his neck as you took the final bite of your food.

“How probably?”

"There MAYBE be a night at the club." He leaned back, bottle in hand.

"Dicks." You gave a dramatic sigh, dropping your now empty food container into the bag with his. You made a show of scrunching down the top of the bag, dropping it to the floor by the side of the sofa, ready to be taken to the trash, before you leaned back, shaking your head.

"What?" he turned to you, beer paused halfway to his mouth.

"Oh, no, I was just saying, at my hen do there will be dicks. Lots of dicks."

“What the fuck?” He spluttered and you shrugged, not looking at him, feigning concentration on the television.

“I can't have strippers too? Tut, tut Disco, that's very old fashioned."

There was a pause, and you waited for his reaction, knowing it could go one of two ways. Out and out petulant protesting, or some sort of childish, half witty come back.

"You know, my dick is by far the most important." He chose the latter.

"You mean you are the most important dick?"

“Yeah.” He conceded. “Hey, least I’m important in some way.”

At that you laughed and moved a little closer to him. He shifted, allowing you to snuggle under his arm, pressing a kiss to your head.

“You know what else is important?” You asked, your hand gently tracing shapes on his white tee.

“What?”

“That you don’t forget that you owe me a favor, Detective Diskant." “That I do.” He agreed, and you felt him nod.

“So, there’s a pile of ironing that needs doing and the bed sheets need changing tomorrow. Can you manage?”

At that he let out a loud guffaw, his chest rumbling against your cheek. "Seriously, Baby?" He glanced down at you as you tipped your head up to look at him. "Absolutely," you winked

“I am at your complete mercy to satisfy you in any way you want... and you ask me to do chores?” He rolled his eyes. “You’re losing your sense of adventure, Sweetheart.” "Oh I have a sense of adventure, but a bet is a bet and we've pulled three doubles between the two of us so shits gotta get done, and you lost, therefore, you... are... my... bitch.” Your words were punctuated by soft jabs to his chest with your index finger and Paul groaned, throwing his head back against the sofa as he scrunched his eyes closed.

“Fuck my life.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” You looked at him and he opened his eyes. “Fuck my wife?”

“We’re not married yet.” He smirked, arching an eyebrow at you as he played back your words from earlier.

“Details,” you played along and he laughed as you shifted a little more so your face was level with his. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

With a cheeky grin he leaned over, pressing his lips to yours, his hand sliding to the back of your neck as the kiss grew deeper, his tongue slowly sliding against yours. You let out a soft moan, shifting a little, your hand cupping his face and then he pulled back. You pouted at the loss of contact and opened your eyes to shoot him a glare, to find him smirking a little.

"Double or nothing, I bet I can make you cum in less than two minutes.”

“Two minutes?” You arched a brow, biting your lip a little as you squirmed at the frankly filthy look in his eyes. “Now?”

“Yup.”

“Bring it on.” You threw down the gauntlet. “But that doesn’t include the time it takes me to get you naked.” He grinned, shifting a little so he was side on, facing you.

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes. “Or the foreplay.”

“Jesus Christ, Paul, just get on with it. You said two minutes. Clock starts the second you start, your challenge not mine. He grabbed your beer bottle and placed it along with his on the table with a bang. “You saying you don’t want me to love on you a little bit before I bang you into next week?” His voice was low as he hovered over you a little, his face inches from yours. "I'm saying I'm fucking desperate, that's what I'm saying."

"Then I won't need two minutes.” He grinned, pressing further into you, causing you to lay back on the sofa.

“God, you’re so full of it.” You narrowed your eyes.

“You’re gonna be full of it soon.” He smirked, his lips pressing to yours. "Stop... Talking... And... Do... It," you demanded between his dizzying, little pecks. His lips curled into a smile against yours as his hands gently trailed up the outside of your smooth thighs, thumbs grazing under the hem of your cut offs. The assault from his lips already soaking you.

It wouldn't take much, you both were fully aware of it. Nearly a week apart or just missing each other had you two desperately seeking release. The question was, who would cave first. He said two minutes and you knew he could hold off until you were good and worked over. His fingers slipped between your denim shorts and he gave a low groan as he felt your damp panties. His kiss grew hungrier and he was quickly on your flies, your shorts were down your leg in a matter of seconds, tossed over the back of the sofa, panties with them.

He moved to a kneel, one hand gently hooking your right leg up to rest against the back of the couch, knocking the other to the side, your foot falling automatically to the floor, toes pressing onto the soft carpet, leg bent at the knee. You don't even register how fast he moved downwards, and part of you wondered if he lost on purpose. A flat long swipe tasted at your folds.

"Jesus," it felt glorious and your back arched off the sofa in delight. There was a wee bit of scruff causing a tease of friction against your inner thighs and although you weren't timing him, you knew it couldn't have been more than sixty seconds when his tongue dipped into your hole causing you to cry out.

"Fuck, Paul..."

He gave a little chuckle, mouth vibrating against your nub which he grazed with his teeth. You bit your lip as your insides began to tremble, you were so desperately trying to hold off just to get that last win over him, but it was useless. That rumble had you in the throes of it and you were gone, your legs shaking as you came, your walls clamping around nothing as you gasped, your body shuddering with pleasure.

The smirk and glisten that was evident on his lips as he sat up and caged you in, had you clawing at his shorts. "I win."

"Yeah, okay, you smug little shit,” your voice was breathy as you recovered from your high, your hands pulling at the drawstring in the middle of his abs. “Dare I ask how you want me?”

His baby blues, already dark with desire, flashed and he pressed his lips to yours, his mouth dominating and you could taste yourself on him. You groaned as his hands slid up, cupping your face and he pulled back.

“Hands on the floor, feet on the coffee table, knees bent.”

You blinked, “what?”

“Hands on the floor, feet on the coffee table, knees bent.” He repeated.

Okay, so this was new…

With a final, suspicious look at him as he moved back, you stood, jumping and emitting a little squeak as he slapped your ass as you went. Taking a deep breath you turned, placed your hands on the floor and rested the tops of your feet on the coffee table, your knees bent.

“So you can do as you’re told.” Paul smirked, standing up off the sofa.

“When I want to.” You peeked up at him as best you could to see him sliding his shorts down his legs, stepping out of them before he moved round and threw his leg over your shins. His hands slid up the outside of your thighs, coming to rest on your waist as he pulled you back a little, his erection pressing into your behind as he ground against you, giving a little hiss.

“Fuck, baby you look so good from back here.” He moaned, bending over slightly to press a kiss to your spin and you shivered, your arms wobbling a little and you began to worry just how much of this you could take.

“Paul, seriously, just…”

“Patience.” He cut you off as he gave your ass a soft slap making you emit a noise that was half way between a squeal and a laugh as he positioned himself behind you, and you immediately missed the warmth of his chest where it had been pressed to your back moments ago.

You felt the tip of his dick as it poked at your entrance, and he had no problem slipping inside your already soaked folds. But the angle and the pressure of your body closed off as he slipped inside you set your nerves on fire. You both moaned out together as he slid home, his balls to your clit.

You felt how thick he was against your walls. A little twitch and flutter from his shaft as you both remained still, you silently begging and waiting for him to move. His fingertips gently dug into your hips as he slowly pulled back and moved forward again.

"Fuck, baby, so fucking tight, like this," Paul ground out as he pumped slowly in and out of you. He was taking his time, slow thrusts and long pulls back. In truth, it was agony, but a beautiful torture. And a torture that he continued again, and again, and again. Over and over, in no rush whatsoever, a sharp contrast to where he’d brought you off before on the couch as fast as he could.

Your arms were shaking from baring the position but you wanted more. And as the bubbles of pleasure slowly simmered through your core and deep into your belly, you moaned out your demand. "Harder."

"Oh, fuck," Paul quivered inside you but picked up his pace, his hips slamming into yours, your insides squeezing him tightly as his hands gripped at your hips, blunt nails biting against your skin. With every thrust forward you were jolted, your palms sliding on the rough surface of the rug underneath you, and you curled your fingertips into the deep, cream coloured shag in an attempt to prevent yourself from face planting straight onto the floor.

"Yeah, just like that," you panted, your elbows locking as you pushed yourself up slightly, "oh fuck, Paul!" You could tell by his breathing and how he felt inside you that he was ready to cum but he could always hold off until you had yours. "So close," you managed to pant out, letting him know you weren’t far.

He slowed his pace, bending his body down your spine again, and pressed his lips to the back of your neck, "just," he thrusted, "let", again, "go".

His words flipped the switch inside your body and you felt yourself going, the blood already rushing to your head from the position you were in, and the pressure was pounding in your ears as you came, hard. "Oh my God!" You cried out as your walls clamped down around him, milking his hot seed to explode inside you.

"That’s my girl, fuck!" He roared at the feel of you around him, and his hips grew sloppy as he came, grunting, pulling you back onto him as he let go of his thick payload.

With your chests heaving, bodies stilled, his fingers still around your hips, his thumbs drew lazy circles on your back. You felt his blue gaze on you and you couldn't see it, but you knew he was smirking.

“Paul.” You managed to swallow, “baby, my arms.”

“Oh, shit, yeah.” He moved gently to pull out of you, curling his arm around your waist in the nick of time as your elbows gave way and the pair of you tumbled rather ungracefully to the rug by the table in a tangle of limbs, your giggles ringing around the room, drowning out the sound of the television.

“You okay?” He asked gently, as you moved so you were lay on your back looking up at him as he lay on his side, propped on his left elbow. He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear with his right hand as you nodded, leaning up to kiss him deeply.

“I’m not even gonna ask where you saw or read about that.” You chuckled and he grinned, glancing around the room cheekily before he looked down at you.

“Boys talk, sweetheart.” He shrugged. “But admit it, that was better than making me fold sheets.”

You chuckled as he pressed his lips to yours again, your fingers gently twisting his silver chain between them as you looked at him and arched your eyebrow. “If I admit it will you do it again? Only not tonight, don’t think my arms could take another round.”

Paul let out a laugh which rumbled in his chest and he pressed his lips to yours again. “Maybe we can make a game out of it, see how many other surfaces I can use to I prop your feet on and fuck you from behind.”

You scoffed, slapping at his arm as he grinned down at you cheekily, and you bit your lip.

“I can run with that.” Your hands moved so they slipped round his back, gently tracing shapes over the muscles, making them twitch a little and he sighed as your nails reached that spot on his neck that always turned him to putty in your hands.

“Stop, you know what that does to me.” He looked down at you.

“I do.” You agreed, continuing nonetheless.

“Seriously, you want more?”

“Well, like you said.” Your fingers curled round the nape of his neck, pulling his face down so it was inches from yours. “It’s been a while since we got time together, best make the most of it.”

“Oooh, you’re a bad, bad woman future Mrs Disco…” he smirked, kissing you deeply. “And I’m so down for that.”

****

It was late in the evening, the two of you having carried your sex-capades from the lounge to the bedroom, both of you spent and spooning in the aftermath of bliss when Paul's cell rang out.

He grumbled and shifted slightly, turning to grab the offending item form the night stand before he answered, "Diskant."

You strained your ears to listen to who was on the other end but it wasn't audible.

"Yeah, okay, got it. I'll call you back," he replied and hung up. Then he quickly made an outgoing call. "Hey, so I just talked to Scribble. Freemont and Coates, or whoever they are, want to meet us." There was a brief pause, "tonight." Another pause and he closed his phone.

He sighed, turning to you, "I got to go."

"Okay," you sat up, an uneasiness filling your veins.

"I'll be back," he slipped out of bed, dressing quickly in black jeans, a black button down and hat. He clipped his badge from the nightstand to his belt after slipping into his uniform boots. Then leaned over and gave you a long, deep kiss. "I love you."

"I love you. Come home to me," you kissed him and pulled back, your fingers pressing the medallion of safe keeping against his chest. Paul touched his forehead to yours before he pressed his lips to your own in a soft kiss and headed out. You heard the door click as he left your apartment, and you gave a sigh, settling down into the bed, pulling his pillow to your naked chest as you closed your eyes. Whilst you knew that this was the job, hell, you’d done it yourself for long enough, it still never made it easier and for some inexplicable reason, tonight it made you even more twitchy than normal. But, that was more than likely down to the fact you’d managed to enjoy some quality time together tonight, and it had been so good.

Before long you drifted off to sleep, and you had no idea what time it was when the cordless rang, shrilling through the apartment, raising you from your slumber, but as you blinked yourself awake, it was still pitch black outside.

"Hello," you croaked.

"Y/N," you recognized the voice immediately, given your own happenings with IA.

"Captain Biggs," you replied, suddenly fully awake as you sat up in bed, the covers clutched to your chest.

"It's Paul,” his voice was low and serious and instantly you felt a cold, icy dread floor your system from your head to your toes as he passed, taking a breath, “a unit is on its way for you."

***** Part 2

#rock n roll people in a disco world #paul diskant #uglywombatsexpositionchallenge #paul diskant x reader #paul diskant x you #street kings #street kings fan fic #reader insert #chris evans #chris evans characters

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