#so saying that 'oh it made people think less of dating sims' is stupid. it's also not JUST a parody bc it does more under that mask

[korattata]

jfc

[romanianwilkinson]

MONSTER CAMP QUOTES STARTERS

A collection of sentence starters from the game Monster Camp. Feel free to change words and pronouns as desired. CONTENT WARNING(S) FOR: Monster Prom/Monster Camp spoilers, suggestive, cursing, crude content

“ I just have it here because [NAME] insisted that I offer it, as a marketing stunt. ”

“ And lastly, super-horny-type players no longer get a charm buff against tsundere types! ”

“ War machines don’t turn me on or anything! ”

“ I don’t wanna be weird, but do you mind if I climb inside of you and play around with your main turret? ”

“ A wine to DIE for, you say? Well, darling, don’t threaten me with a good time! ”

“ This one just says ‘ hmu with that reaper dick, daddy ’. ”

“ You on your phone, as always! Probably making blogposts on your Tik Tok page. ”

“ Yeah, you really don’t want to witness a repeat of the last time [NAME]’s diehard fans went without a selfie for fifteen minutes. My tailbone still hasn’t completely healed. ”

“ Now hold still, this will only hurt for a moment --- ”

“ Yay! You found a shenanigan! ”

“ My poems all have two or three emotions in them, AT LEAST. ”

“ CRYING IS OBVIOUSLY A COMPETITION TO SEE WHO CAN SQUEEZE THE MOST WATER OUT OF THEIR EYES! ”

“ No way, really? The way to WIN at poetry is by LOSING at life? ”

“ I dunno, maybe fall in love with someone who’s married and develop an opioid addiction? ”

“ HELL YEAH, SPEEDRUN! ”

“ It’s morbid, but... kind of romantic? ”

“ GASP! Google+? Are you kidding me? The psychopaths behind that global tragedy are here?! ”

“ Prison has changed me, [NAME]. Would you like to trade me some cigarettes in exchange for my fundamental dignity? ”

“ Undermining the laws of reality, subverting life and death, that’s the kind of stuff my followers expect. But CHEATING? No way. ”

“ Though we are imprisoned in chalk jail, we are free in our hearts. But our hearts are also imprisoned in chalk jail. ”

“ Um, no, I am NOT groveling. I am posing a dignified query to [NAME] that just so happens to be performed on my hands and knees. ”

“ I didn’t know you condoned playing the friend card to get free labor, [NAME]. ”

“ Ah, but saving the world doesn’t put avocado toast on the table. We indie seancers and necromancers need to pay our rent too, you know. ”

“ And as you know, I am illustriously Internet-famous, so if you could shower me with adoration and give me the pizza that would be fabulous. ”

“ Do you wanna fuck the pizza or not? ”

“ Are you ready to go swimming? I must admit, darling, I’ve always wondered what you would look like while... wet.”

“ Did you turn this date into an orgy without consulting me? ”

“ Gosh, I love it when you insult me! Please do it more! ”

“ Now who wants to make a baby? ”

“ What if she puts a curse on me that makes me magically forget the location of the clitoris?! ”

“ Hey, don’t knock wacky decisions that endanger us all! That’s how I always manage to stay a step ahead of my nemeses! ”

“ Oh gods, I’ve killed so many monsters, just for being monsters. This is making me question my entire moral foundation. I NEED MORE THERAPY. ”

“ I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: fish give better pedicures than people! ”

“ You’re not tricking me into parenting a stupid egg. I’ve never fucked even ONE chicken! The egg is not my son! ”

“ You came to visit me at camp, Daddy! ”

“ Don’t be ridiculous, I know your brand of horny, [NAME], and this ain’t it. ”

“ I thought we both agreed to be nothing but vague and haughtily aloof about our past dalliances. ”

“ Point EAST, compass! EAAAAAAAAST! You dumb fuckboot!!!! POINT! EAST! ”

“ One time I was told a soul’s worst fear was bugs and I inadvertantly sent The Beatles. It happens to the best of us... And the worst of us. ”

“ SOMEDAY I SHALL DEFEAT YOUR FIVE STRANGE FEET! ”

“ Why do you keep suppressing your monster half? Embrace your true nature! ”

“ Wow. I didn't think this was possible, but I guess I was... wrong? About social media? Oh dear God, is this how grandparents feel?!?! Am I a GRANDPARENT?! ”

“ I don’t know! I was relying on my friends to cover up my bold and idiotic statement! ”

“ ... I ate the oars. ”

“ PSYCHE. The ocean can eat my ass. ”

“ So pucker up, [NAME]! I'm about to declare mouth war on your FACE! ”

“ YOU FOOLISHLY FOOLISH FOOL! You're showing our inexperience! YOUR HONOR, THE ENTIRE LEGAL TEAM PLEADS THE FIFTH! ”

“ That's right. I'm talking about a classic Transylvania Hot Tub, a Seth Brundle, and a REVERSE Reverse Romanian Wilkinson. ”

“ Sorry, I was in your ribcage seeing if I could use it to cut strips of crepe paper into confetti and then I got lost in your kidneys. ”

“ There's nothing sexier than a doomed romance between a dating sim player and a hot fictional character. ”

“ That's right! I secretly replaced one of you with a bear while no one was looking, to teach you a valuable lesson about the art of disguise! ”

“ Enchant my armor. I’m going into the lake. ”

“ For VIOLENCE REASONS! ” 

“ This stupid lake monster called me short the other day, but I was too low level to crush him like he deserved. ”

“ That dumb wet dinkhole won't know what hit him! But it will be me! I will hit him! ”

“ No, YOU'RE a fuckshark! Also, what does that even mean?! ”

“ You seriously didn't notice the enormous needles those interns jabbed into your veins as soon as [NAME] got here? “

“ It all makes sense! The Camp Dome is just an elaborate ploy to distract us from the giant mouth that eats campers! “

“ This is the BEST show I've ever seen in my life, which is now at an end! “

“ Am I high, or did he just tell us EXACTLY how to foil his evil scheme? “

“ What, like a few severed heads and visions of my grandpa screaming in horrendous pain are gonna freak me out? Where I'm from, you can buy that stuff at IKEA. “

“ ERROR: Due to the sixth mass extinction, the slaying of leprechauns is inadvisable. “

“ Then why do I have half-finished scarves, decoupage, pot-holders, friendship bracelets, and a taxidermied rabbit in my skeleton? “

“ The wang elemental. ”

“ I also have an uncle who works at Nintendo as a copy machine! “

“ What flavor of ice cream AM I?! Now I gotta know. HA! You know what I should be? 'Pistachio.' Because my outside is HARD, but I'm full of NUT. “

“ I mean, life is a bit like... this sandwich! No, stay with me, I'm going somewhere good with this. “

“ A survival situation without any sexy fun time isn't worth surviving in the first place. “

“ Rut the RUCK?! ”

“ The ' ambulance of the heart ' is just a regular ambulance! Ambulances treat all organs! ”

“ Yeah, that's why I made sure that my so-called ' emotional armor ' was also ' actual armor '. “

“ And being yourself is the key to living your dreams, which is the key to self actualization, which is the key to being really good at sex! “

“ So hot I'd buy that even without free shipping. 10/10, call me some time. “

“ Hi, quick question: does it count as kidnapping if I'm abducting you so you can help me do a thing you already agreed to help with? “

“ I could be wrong, but are you just upset because you DON'T have a skeleton that's inside your body? “

“ I'm gonna get SO FUCKING RELAXED MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE! “

“ Whoah, whoa, hold up. You're fucking my grandma? “

“ No, [NAME], that is a popcorn bag full of more dynamite. Put it down. “

“ I hear that at least 70% of people on Patreon aren't murderers! “

“ If you want cash, just rob banks like the rest of us! “

“ Did it work? Do you feel any less horny? ”

“ FUCK YEAH, LET'S PUNCH THAT MOUTH IN ITS MOUTH! “

“ Yes... incidentally, we are no longer allowed to enter Italy. “

“ Is anyone else turned on right now? ”

“ Yes! Yes! I know what you're feeling! I suddenly see how marrying a corpse isn't okay! “

“ JUST LET ME IMPROVE YOUR SELF ESTEEM, MORTAL! “

“ Look, choose whatever you want, but I'm not responsible for whatever you put in your mouth. ”

[atsuwiee]

pink in the night :: s.jy

genre: angst, exes to lovers (kind of if you squint hard), secret relationship pairing: celebrity!sim jaeyun x gn!reader

warnings: swearing (i think i put in a few), grammatical errors, not proofread tel's note: i was making this while listening to pink in the night by mitski, and boom! here it is:,)

i hear my heart breaking tonight do you hear it too?

you watched as almost all of the channels on the tv consisted your ex's face. well what did you expect? he was a well-known actor, almost in any romance films, of course he was now on talk shows and on the news.

intrigued, you looked at your phone, and he was on trending on every social media platform you knew. you scrolled more and only to see the big news everyone was talking about: sim jaeyun, also known as the famous actor jake, is now officially dating !

you knew damn well that could've been you, if he had fought for you- things could have been different.

"let's end this" jake said as he stopped his car right in front of your place. "end what?" you asked, clearly clueless. "us" he said, like it was a plain and simple action. "why so suddenly, jaeyun?" he sighed when the question was asked.

"y/n, they know, they know about us" he said while all he received was a scoff. "who? who knows?" you asked. "my management, and they do not like it at all- they don't like y-" "they don't like me" you said, almost simultaneously to what jake was about to say. "yeah... they don't" jake said as his eyes shifted to look below.

you looked at him, jaw clenched a bit from stopping yourself from crying. "is it because of your reputation? or because i'm not a famous celebrity like you?" you asked- trying to look for one good reason on why this was happening.

"both of those reasons, actually" jake replied with a sigh. "that's not even a good of a reason jake" "i know but this is for the both of us- it's better if we ended it now" he said leaning back into his seat. "fucking hell jaeyun, this isn't better for the both of us. it's only for you" you say reaching for the car door. "if you want to end this relationship we built for four years- just because of that then so be it. i hope you take good care of yourself jaeyun"

you exit his car, leaving him watching you go in your home, knowing you feel like utter shit from work and he had added on to that. knowing that he had wasted the four years you've built with him.

jake still had your number saved as his contact. reading each and single messages that were on there. clearly, he hasn't move on and surely won't. his management really thinks putting him into another relationship with a random celebrity (who was famous) is such a fun publicity stunt- and people actually fell for it.

it's for his career to boost more, they say. majority of them loved the news but some didn't, but he couldn't care less- he thought of how your reaction would be. did you cry? were you happy? angry? or have you completely moved on to even give a single damn about him?

for some odd reason he wanted to know. badly, wanted to know. it was late at night and he threw himself on his bed out of exhaustion from work and all those paparazzi that he had to go through.

jake reached for his pillow, wrapping his arms around it. oh how he missed your warmth and touch. he reached for his phone, only to find himself on the verge of calling your number. "no, jaeyun, that's stupid- they're probably having a peaceful night and you're about to ruin it" he said to himself.

which was wrong, for so much obvious reasons. you wished he called, you missed him too- too much, to be exact. every night there wasn't a moment you did not think of him, hell you even wished he'd come back knowing it was impossible.

your phone suddenly rang and you reached for it. "what the-" you say as you saw the caller ID, it was jaeyun. you froze for a bit, not knowing what to do. but you asked for this- after a few couple of rings your phone made, you picked up.

"...hey" his soft voice said, a voice you haven't heard in months. "jaeyun?" you called out. "yeah, it's me- it's been months, hasn't it?" he asked as you hummed out a response. "almost eight months" you say. "how's your girlfriend doing?" you asked impulsively.

jake was shocked by the sudden question but then answered, "she isn't my actual girlfriend" he said, and you already knew it was a pr stunt because he acted so differently with her. "y/n?" he called out. "can i ask you something?" he asked, voice a little shaky. "what is it?" you asked back to hear a sigh from him.

"can we give it another try? i promise, i'll be better this time"

and i know that i kissed you before but, i didn't do it right can i try again?

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 46 DETAILED SUMMARY + THEORIES

This lesson’s got two locked chapters that I can’t unlock :’)

D takes them to the casino where they meet Mammon in the Lamp event outfit. When he laughs and tells them that they must have forgotten who he is if they think they can take the money MC ignores all of this to ask him wtf he’s wearing. Mammon blushes and tells them that they have no right to criticize what he’s wearing considering what they’re wearing. Then he says also Lucifer wtf happened to you!? He laughs and teases Lucifer about getting shrunk and how he could accidentally step on him and kill him rn or how Beel might eat him as a snack. I saw someone say that Mammon was a little shit who was also BabyTM and like Yess!??? I love when we get to see more of the asshole side of him specially when we already know how soft he is. Man’s an onion :’) Beel says he wouldn’t do that unless Lucifer hid inside a piece of cake and Beel swallowed him whole without realising. Lucifer, off screen: “You’d better realise I was there!” And Like??? That’s the point Lucifer wants to argue? Not the fact that he wouldn’t hide inside a cake? Mammon says whatever and that he’ll take Lucifer from them so he can have fun with his new toy anyway RIP to Mammon who dies after this lesson. “Mammon, Avatar of Greed, Appears”- gonna have Pokemon Battles from now on, I can’t believe this what this dating sim has evolved into :D Mammon uses wind to lift Lucifer up and bring him towards him. MC has a flashback to the previous night and commands Beel who transforms into a demon and whose body starts moving on its own, Beel then cancels out Mammon’s spell and uses a wind spell to send Mammon flying. Beel transforms back to his human form and is shocked by what happened. Solomon says MC did a good job commanding Beel though they weren’t able to draw out all his powers. They get the armour, which Beel thinks is too flashy but MC tells him it looks great which he is happy about. D tells them about a rumour of Satan attacking a town up north.

As they walk through the woods Lucifer talks about how much he’s gonna love beating the shit outta Mammon when he’s back to normal and waves MC off when they ask him to go easy on Mammon. Beel says that Lucifer used to be a lot nicer to Mammon in the celestial realm and how the two of them would team up to go argue with Raphael. Solomon asks if it was Diavolo who got Lucifer to change and what exactly Lucifer had to do to reach the status they now enjoy in the Devildom. Beel seems shocked at this and ask Lucifer if it’s true. He says he doesn’t remember. There’s growling & they’re suddenly surrounded by ghosts. Solomon: Oh yeah lol this is called the Black Phantom Forest. Everyone else: WHY the FUCK didn’t you say so before!? They run from the ghosts and set up camp beside a lake, MC & Beel talk. Beel says how they’ve all changed from their time in the Celestial Realm and he can’t remember when he stopped resisting the urge to constantly eat. But how somethings are still the same and how the brothers have always been together and how they always will be. He brings up the three things the butcher said to maintain a long relationship and how even though they may sometimes falter at the “respect each other” part when it comes down to it the brothers have all three things with each other (Not me sobbing like a baby. It’s the found family trope for me guys). Beel says how he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to fight Belphie if they meet him in the game and how he has so many people who he loves that he doesn’t know who to put first and that he knows many people would kill to have that kinda problem and that as both an angel and a demon he’s being lucky to have the people he loves. MC gets to hold his hand, lean on his shoulder or say nothing and guys I love Beel so much he’s just so pure god. Okay so theory part: I 100% believe (& it’s implied in canon and in the chats too) and the main reason Lucifer is so mean to Mammon now is because he’s scared if he doesn’t discipline him then Diavolo will and he’ll end up with another Lilith situation. That being said I NEED to know how Lucifer came across Mammon in the celestial realm and what he said to make Mammon so loyal to him. PLS om! Give me the boys backstory? I like to think Lucifer raised Mammon the same way Simeon is raising Luke and that’s why you can see some of Lucifer’s traits in Mammon whenever he becomes serious about something and why Mammon sometimes slips up and calls Lucifer “Dad” and why Lucifer becomes so happy about it. I also think the others would have been older than Mammon was when he first met Lucifer, when they eventually joined the family which is why they share far less traits with Lucifer and why (as far as we know) none of them have called Lucifer ‘dad”. If this is true it also brings up a real interesting dynamic between Satan and Mammon that would be useful when writing fics. You know a little deeply buried resentment and envy about Lucifer having been more of a father figure to Mammon than to the person who is technically his actual son, and since we know for a fact that right after arriving in the Devildom Lucifer starts going through an existential crisis and Mammon’s the one who steps up to look after the others I 100% believe Mammon’s the one who did most of the work in raising a newly created Satan and who taught him how to control his anger so well (cause lets be real it definitely couldn’t be any of the others) which also gives backstory to Satan’s “do you think Mammon’s actually the most decent of us” homescreen comment and more importantly adds spice to the relationship dynamic you can work with in fics.

When they wake up Beel is thankful that they didn’t get eaten. Solomon: not like you would have noticed with all the fun you had *wink wink* Lucifer: wtf Solomon:*WINK WINK* Me: bro they were just talking…  they find out game time and real world time pass differently and come across a treasure chest in the middle of their path. Solomon: Lets open it! :D Lucifer: Expect that’s definitely a trap… Solomon: Exactly! Which is why we should open it! :D MC: Lets open it! :D Lucifer: Why is the entire human species so fucking stupid!? Why were you created without any self preservation!? Who approved this!?  They find medicine, a warding bottle and cat ears. …They put Lucifer into the bottle and Lucifer’s really going through it in this huh. But opening the chest pulls up an inescapable battle with the final boss, and Satan pops up fully immersed in the villain role with an evil laugh and everything. Luci asks MC to use something from the chest and they use the cat ears and Lucifer’s disappointed when they actually work. But it only deals 222 damage to Satan’s 870k HP. Satan paralyses them all and steals bottled lucifer and calls Belphie to finish the others off. I can’t remember if I mentioned this before but how did the brothers know that Lucifer was gonna be mini before they even got home, it would’ve had to be quite a bit in advance for them to so perfectly set up everything… And you know Solomon was really determined to open that chest (I mean so was MC but the whole of season 1 was establishing that their curiosity was gonna get them killed) so…

MC tells Belphie they don’t want to fight him and Belphie says he doesn’t want to fight either but at the same time Satan agreed to give him mine lucifer for a whole day if he defeats them. Beel’s still reluctant and Belphie says Beel doesn’t have to worry cause Belphie isn’t the same small/weak person that Beel always had to protect (and holy shit I need more info on this too?). Beel eventually agrees and says that Belphie’s strong, he tells MC that they weren’t able to use his entire power against Mammon cause he was holding himself back unconsciously but that he was ready now. MC makes Beel do a bunch of wind attacks and they defeat Belphie who’s impressed. Beel says that the magic was actually MC doing it not him (even though he was the one that executed it). Belphie says he’ll join their party if MC promises him that he’ll be allowed to poke at mini luci. MC tells him there’s a damned line and he’ll have to wait his turn. Solomon wonders if MC should be going around giving the right to annoy lucifer to others but also he wants that right too. Even though Lucifer was kidnapped since he’s still in the bottle he’ll be protected so MC’s test is still ongoing. Odd that there was a bottle that would protect Lucifer should he get kidnapped in the chest that was a trap… look we all know Solomon is shady enough that he’s probably behind this right?

During dinner at a tavern the twins are sickeningly soft with each other and Solomon watches them with a smile. For the night the twins end up sharing a room with each other, with Mc and Solomon alone together. In the middle of the night MC wakes up to Solomon still up and looking sad. They ask him what’s up. He says despite how much they walked he still isn’t tired and that seeing the twins together made him lonely. Seeing how much they love and care and understand each other and how they were always together made him wish he had something similar but how when you didn’t age it was difficult to from lasting bonds like that in the human world. MC tells him that all of them care about him and he says he hopes so. Solomon: Lol just the two of us in a room in a game, wouldn’t it be crazy if we made out? MC can either kiss him or kinda stare awkwardly. If they choose the second he apologises for suddenly putting them on the spot and says he won’t try anything else. So this might be kinda an unpopular opinion and I’m genuinely really happy that the side characters are getting more screen time and development because I desperately needed that but I’m not really onboard the romancing option with them? I’m happy they’ve got their own cards now and I love the devilgram stories and romance options in them but I don’t think it makes sense in the context of the main storyline? Barbatos has almost no interaction with MC and though they haven’t shown it yet it’d be weird if he was suddenly into MC. Diavolo spent 2 whole seasons simping over Lucifer why is MC suddenly an option? Besides Diavolo always seems so lonely and I really want him and MC to be really good friends, I want Diavolo to have a friendship where there isn’t some condition that hangs over it like there is with his relationship with Barbatos and Lucifer. The same goes with Solomon. I just want him to have a good solid friendship where there isn’t expectations or power between them. He also initially only seems interested in MC for their power and as a way to train them and eventually genuinely softens up to them, Just the request to kiss seemed outta nowhere? I don’t know why but with Simeon he seems above crushes? I always imagine him seeing MC as another cute kid Lucifer picked up (despite MC being an adult) and having a sort of soft indulgent attitude towards them. I don’t know I think I just want MC to have some friends who aren’t trying to sleep with them.

Solomon is extremely chipper the next morning and Belphie grumpily makes a comment about him having fun and sdfjdvnsjdokd they just talked. Belphie uses his magic to teleport them to Satan’s castle and Beel asked why he couldn’t do that the previous night, Belphie says grumpily cause then Solomon would have missed out on the fun and Solomon agrees and THEY JUST TALKED!? Satan has managed to transform Lucifer into wolf Lucifer and is shaking his bottle hard enough to make Luci wanna puke while Lucifer asks him to stop. MC tells satan to stop and he tells them they won’t be able to defeat him cause they skipped right to the boss battle without taking the long route and levelling up. MC says they’re not gonna fight him cause this whole thing is fucking stupid. Satan says it’s not cause he’s having fun. MC gives him one of their free therapy sessions about how important the bonds between he and his brothers are and how they don’t care more about helping the brothers all get along than some stupid star. Beel comes out spitting facts, saying they all know that Satan actually cares about Lucifer and how that embarrasses him and how he needs to stop hiding it by lashing out. And how Lucifer needs to get his shit together and be honest with satan. That he needs to tell Satan that Lucifer knows he’s his own demon and a really good demon at that. Lucifer says FYI but I never said you weren’t your own great person and Satan blushes and says that unless he wants to look childish he has no option but to accept the olive branch. He tosses Luci to MC. Belphie complains about having stupid older brothers and Solomon says he’s disappointed in Satan and reveals himself as the true secret final boss and FUCK YEAH! I CALLED THAT SHIT! Kinda – I thought he might have just given them a heads up about Luci’s condition. On a different note, Satan needs serious therapy. They all do tbh.

Solomon congratulates MC on what they’ve done so far but says they still haven’t accessed Beel’s full potential and that he’ll give his ‘adorable apprentice’ one more shit at it. Solomon summons Asmo who complains about how long he was made to wait and how he nearly gave up and went to the spa and that no one likes a selfish man. Solomon tells Asmo that he can tell him all this after they get back to the real world and I genuinely want the backstory of how they met and just more about their relationship. At Solomon’s command Asmo uses charm and paralyses Beel and at MC’s Beel uses another wind attack. Asmo says he’s never seen beel do something of this calibre before and he seems more powerful, even more than he was in the celestial realm, Asmo yells at Solomon for just standing and seeming impressed instead of helping him. There’s a bright white light.

Back home with everything back to normal Beel, Lucifer and MC are hanging out by the pool. Lucifer is in an unexpectedly good mood and MC has earned a star, which glows slightly from its place on the symbol etched to the back of their hand. Inside Solomon is feeding the other brothers as punishment. Mammon is sobbing his heart out and Levi is out cold (possibly dead). Satan is given Levi’s remaining share of food and Asmo is in tears. Belphie had made a run for it the second they got home and is nowhere to be found. Solomon talks about how nice Lucifer actually is and how he really loves his brothers cause he just made Solomon make them dinner instead of punishing any of them…. Love that the canonical reason why none of these demons tell Solomon about his food and allow themselves to get tortured is cause they don’t wanna be rude and hurt his feelings. And he thought no one cared about him. If that isn’t love I dunno what is. Beel and MC take a walk while Lucifer sits by the pool and in his words basks in “their screams of agony” While blushing beel says he’s grateful for what happened and how that star is proof that they got closer. Mc can either thank him or say that the star belongs to him. I think they kiss after the second option? For the first Beel says MC’s the one who did the work of drawing out his power. Over the echoing screams from inside Beel asks if they feel like they forgot something and ndfjkfjkdjfefjkn THEY FORGOT DIAVOLO I’M!!!!???? poor baby

[beelsnack]

Obey Me! Boys and an Insecure MC

Alternate Title: Coping mechanisms? In my demonic dating sim? It’s more likely than you think.

I honestly didn’t mean for this to be so long, but hey.

CW: Depression, self hatred, unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Lucifer: It was subtle, but nothing escaped the notice of the Eldest. He saw them fidgeting with their tie before heading to class, watched the frown tug at their lips when all they managed to produce was a rumpled tangle of silk. Caught them poking ruefully at their acne scars in the reflection of their D.D.D. Heard the frustrated sigh as they tried to sit in a way that hid the meat on their abdomen. But, above all, he paid close attention to those comments.

“Wow, I can’t do anything right, can I?”

“You would have to be a professional makeup artist to fix this mess, haha!”

“It’s alright, you can say I’m ugly.”

That was it. Lucifer stood from his seat at his desk, an errant paper fluttering to the ground in his wake. The Firstborn made his way over to where they were sitting, working away diligently on their laptop. Their breath caught in their throat when they turned to face him, and Lucifer fought back a sadistic grin when he felt them shudder at the feeling of his gloved hand sliding beneath their chin. He would file that away for later.

“That’s quite enough.” his voice was low as he lifted their face. They averted their eyes, clearly uncomfortable, but he kept his hand where it was. “Self-deprecation is unbecoming on anyone, but I certainly will not have it marring that beautiful face of yours.”

Nothing escaped the notice of the Eldest. Especially not the shy smile they wore as they bade him goodnight.

Mammon: Call him an idiot all you like, but if there was one thing that a solid gambling career had taught Mammon, it was how to read a person’s tells. The way they stood with their arms folded and body turned inward said they were trying to hide. Their habit of avoiding mirrors told him they hated the way they looked. The twinge of resigned sadness on their face when they carefully deflected Asmo’s blatant flirting made it obvious that they thought they didn’t deserve it.

It must have been particularly bad one night. The two of them had made themselves comfortable on the bed in preparation for movie night, but instead of cuddling up next to him like they normally did, they sat far enough away that Mammon had to actually scoot forward to jab them in the shoulder.

“Hey, what gives, human? Why’re you all the way over there?”

“I’m just feeling a little warm.” they shrugged, pulling their knees to their chest. They were trying to pull some reverse psychology bullshit by purposefully staring him in the eye while they lied to him. Mammon snorted.

“You really think you’re going to fool me like that? You’ve got at least a millennia until you can even think of lying to The Great Mammon!” he opened his arms and his voice softened when he spoke. “Come here.”

They hesitated - eyes flicking back and forth between him and a knot in the branches that made up their bed frame, nervous - before they tucked themselves into his waiting arms.

He leaned his cheek against the top of their head, inhaling the sweet smell of their freshly-washed hair and internally purring (maybe externally, but you wouldn’t be able to get him to admit it) when he felt them snuggle in a little deeper and release a pent up sigh.

Mammon stayed silent, absently stroking the back of their neck. Words had probably done the damage, and they definitely weren’t going to fix it. He knew that from experience. But shielding his human from their own poisonous thoughts for a few moments was a good place to start.

Levi: Self-deprecating comments were one of Levi’s main forms of communication. It was a defense mechanism, a low-level shield someone would cast when the enemy was ridiculously OP but the game didn’t give you a retreat option. He knew this mechanic.

But when he heard them use it, it made him angry.

How could someone as amazing as them - smart, pretty, brave, loved gaming, made sure to feed Henry 2.0 when Levi was at a Sucre Frenzy concert - think they were anything less then perfect? No, more importantly, who hurt them so badly that they started thinking that way?

He felt like he did that one time Mammon had dropped one of his limited-edition Ruri-chan figures from a balcony. Someone damaged something precious to him, and he wanted blood.

Of course, that would involve talking about feelings and other mushy, normie stuff, and he just wasn’t ready for that. So, he did the only thing he could think of.

Leviachan: Hey, you down for a raid? There’s this new set of armor - it’s suuuuuuper rare, and you’re the only one good enough to get through the dungeon with me!! Pleeeeaaaassseee?

Satan: These little reading dates had started without him really noticing. One day, the human had came into the library seeking a quiet place to study and finish up their homework. Then, they came in with a human world book that Satan had never heard of tucked under their arm and were more than willing to talk about it. This lead to the two of them huddled on the sofa with their noses buried in the same book, and the human surprising Satan by being able to keep up with his reading speed. And here they were.

Satan had chosen a detective novel that he was positive they would like, and the both of them had taken advantage of a quiet Sunday morning to let themselves get absorbed into the story. Satan had his long arms wrapped around them holding the book, and they were leaning against his chest as they flipped the pages. An easy routine that the two of them had fallen into.

He felt them sigh heavily against him and he quirked an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”

“Huh? Oh, no, I just...” they trailed off, gazing out the window at the dusty purple sky before snapping back to the present. “The love interest in this book is amazing. I’m a little jealous of them.”

“Jealous?” Satan echoed, looking down at the small frame curled up in his arms. “Why would you be jealous?”

“They were able to do so much with their life. They’re so young, yet they’ve got their life sorted out, they’re smart, beautiful, charismatic, and they’re confident in themselves despite all the shit people put them through...” they sighed again, and this time Satan heard the note of self-hatred on the exhale. “I can’t do anything like that.”

“Now where did you get that idea?” Satan said incredulously. “In the few months you’ve been here, you have excelled in every class you’ve taken, stood up against all of us in our true forms at least twice each, solved a murder, and convinced me to stop plotting to rip Lucifer’s throat out. All while adjusting to life in a world where most of the citizens could kill you by poking you a bit too hard. I would say that goes above and beyond ‘having your life sorted out.’“

The blush that bloomed across their face was so hot that Satan was able to feel it through his shirt, right next to his heart. He chuckled softly as he bent down to kiss their hair. 

“I could write for eons about how amazing you are and it still wouldn’t be enough.”

Asmo: Emotions fell right into his area of expertise, and even if they were immune to his charm, Asmo still could smell their emotions like a perfume. And their low self-confidence reeked like rotten fruit. A beautiful arrangement that had been abandoned and left to decay.

The Avatar of Lust was an inquisitive soul (Lucifer would call it being nosy, but whatever.) He was also a firm believer in the theory that you can tell everything you need to know about a person by their skincare routine. So that’s what led to him sneaking into their bathroom while Mammon had dragged them out on one of his stupid get-rich-quick schemes.

“Oh, I don’t think so!” Asmo cried in alarm as he picked up the bottle of human world acne treatment. “They might as well be washing their face with snake venom!”

With a scoff, Asmo kicked the waste basket out from beneath their counter and tossed the face wash in. Bottle after bottle followed it, and Asmo was just about to dump the last bottle of what he assumed was straight rubbing alcohol when he heard the door open.

“Asmo, what the fuck.”

“Darling, we need to have a very serious discussion about your choice in skincare products.” Asmo grimaced as he glanced at the label on the bottle before unceremoniously dropping it into the bottle graveyard. “Can you even pronounce some of these?”

Ah, there it was. The sickeningly sweet smell of self-hatred. Asmo fought the urge to recoil as they practically dove for the trash can.

“Asmo, come on, I have gross skin as it is, don’t take away the only things keeping me from looking like a slice of pizza.”

The sound of glass breaking echoed somewhere in the back of Asmo’s head. That rotten smell was rolling off of them in waves, but he fought off his aversion and knelt down next to them.

They nearly hit the ceiling when Asmo clasped their hands between his own. “Now, now, none of that.”

“None of what?”

Asmo giggled. “You know I wouldn’t bother associating myself with someone unsightly.” one of his hands moved to gently cup their jaw. “You poor thing, you’ve been ruining that lovely face of yours.”

“I didn’t think I could make it any worse.” they muttered, looking away as Asmo stroked a thumb over their cheekbone.

Asmo’s heart clenched, and he leaned forward to kiss them gently on the forehead. “Oh, I can’t stand hearing that kind of talk, especially coming from you. That settles it, then.” he stood with an air of finality.

“Settles what?” they tilt their head in a manner that reminded Asmo of a very adorable puppy.

“We’re going to get you some proper skincare products, and I’m going to spend the rest of the night making you feel like the divine beauty you actually are.”

It was only for a second, but Asmo swore that overpowering smell of rotten fruit was replaced with something just a little fresher.

Beelzebub: Normally, the Avatar of Gluttony wouldn’t complain about someone not eating. More for him. But he didn’t like the way the human was pushing food around their plate without actually eating any of it. They usually loved fried bat wing, too.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, keeping his voice low so his brothers wouldn’t butt in. “Aren’t you hungry?”

They laughed sheepishly, pushing their plate towards him. “Nah, not really. I was snacking all day. Here, you can have it.”

“But I just heard your stomach growl.”

Shame flashed across their face before they looked up at him with a grin that didn’t quite make it to their eyes. “I guess, haha. Just trying to watch my figure, you know?”

Before Beel could swallow down the mouthful of bat wing - when did he even pick it up? They had stood from the table and excused themselves, saying something about having a lot of homework.

It was a few hours before they got back to their room. What had started as them doing their homework in the living room had turned into Mammon begging them to help him study, which then somehow turned to Mammon challenging Satan to a pillow fight. Finally, they had decided to give up and do their homework in their room.

Something delicious wafted out of their room when they opened the door. The source was an overly full plate of food - with extra bat wing, they noticed - sitting on their desk. Blinking in confusion, they shut the door behind them and approached the plate. When they got closer, the note tucked underneath the plate came into view.

Please eat properly. I don’t want you to starve.

-Beel

Belphegor: He never would have called himself needy or touch-starved before. But after spending so long stuck in that attic room with his only interaction being with Lucifer, Belphegor couldn’t seem to get enough physical contact. Especially with the human.

He knew he didn’t deserve their affection, not with how he took advantage of them, manipulated them, murdered them. But the human had enough room in their heart to forgive him, and he would take any ounce of affection they were willing to give.

But it still stung when they flinched.

It was only for an instant, but Belphegor could feel the instinctual tightening of muscles when he draped himself over their shoulder. Feel them jump when he bumped shoulders with them in the hall. Feel their heartbeat speed up when he decided to use them as a body pillow.

“You know you can tell me no, right?” he murmured sleepily as the moment passed and the human settled down.

“Would you stop if I did?”

“Hm...” he hummed, cracking open one amethyst eye to peer at them. “If you don’t like me touching you, why do you let me do it?”

The human sighed, scooting down from their position against their headboard so they were face to face with Belphegor, who still had his hands around their waist like they were a giant teddy bear.

“It’s more like...I can’t believe you want to touch me.”

Now that woke Belphie up - well, as up as he could be while still doing his best impersonation of a koala. “What?”

They laughed, but it sounded strained. “Come on, Belphie, look at me. I’m all...jiggly.”

“So?”

Silence. They looked at him like they were trying to solve a puzzle, and he met their gaze like he was trying to figure out why they couldn’t figure it out.

“It’s not like it matters,” he shrugged, snuggling down into the soft blankets and holding the human a little bit tighter. “I like touching you because you’re you. You being soft and warm is a side benefit.”

“Belphie - “

He yawned, and they genuinely couldn’t tell if it was fake or not. “Shh, I’m going to sleep. You’re my pillow, so don’t talk. Especially if it’s negative stuff like that.”

Honestly, that was the best nap they’d had in a while.

[sassaetcie]

Silver x Idia (The Molten Charcoal) chapter 1

Okay so I thought I may post the fanfic here too,,, just the time I start writing my others-

I need to write. This... doesn't make any sense. Well, actually it does. The fact it does is annoying. How could this happen? I have played more than thousands of games. I have read more than thousands of mangas. I have seen more than thousands of animes. I have heard more than thousands of CD drama. Maybe have I not tasted enough latte... Come on, this can't be a sin, this can't be the possible sin? Am I even authorized to call it a sin... Isn't rushing through a visible obstacle, after having seen all of the possibilities, a sin? Yet this would be so stupid for others... I am so fucking stupid... Even after eighteen years, I hope for the Prince Charming to come and save me. This is pathetic, yet no one would feel pity for that. Ehmm... is it "despicable", then? Yeah, probably. Eighteen years of flames craving for water. I want a pastel person waiting for me on a silver lake. Day should not come to this gathering, though. It would be far too stereotyped... Well, a silver colored moon and light bathing all of the place sure is as well but at least I am not asking for dusk or dawn... And let's forget about the (white) horse part, too. Is it not a fair compensation for my wish? I don't want the noble animal, I don't want the pretty landscape, I don't want the huge castle, I don't want the pretty dress. I shouldn't waste time on wishing and writing for this crap. But oh weeeeell, it's not like it's going to last anyway. I'm going to burn this right after I've written it, after all. This is just a way to kill this foolish desire of mine. It's not like I can update it... I've tried so many times, heh. Eroge? Boring to some points, I... am not attracted to girls in that way. Dating sim? Okay, I'm not attracted to girls... Otome game? BL? Whatever. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. SORRY. Sorry. The more I write it, the less I'll need to say it in reality, right? I will be able to just don't give a fuck... Right? Anyway, I'll burn this down. I shouldn't scribble that much on paper tho... or should I write though "entirely"? I'm going to waste so many papers, I'm dumb as fuck?! I will write on my computer next time buuut... Oh, fuck off. Nobody will ever try to hack me and... read my files? On my four hard drives? Lol, good luck with that, fuckers. I should stop writing there. I'm feeling a bit better for now. I could throw it in water but... it would only pollute and there's no proof it will disappear as fast as it will in fire. How many seconds of difference? That doesn't matter. This need to disappear. I cannot meddle with water in the end... This soft, reflecting liquid from which I am separated. My body will never absolutely fuse with it. My flames... are too strong and too weak.

[Started Recording at 8 pm : First? Day]

-Big Bro! What are you doing, open the door!

Steps cut the semi-silence for a delimited time, each of them. Their numbers were not important. Their susbstance, sure, was. The soft buzzing of machines could have covered them all, or even absolutely erased their origins. They were sweet for Ignihyde, after all.

-Y-yes... what is it... Ortho...?

The ever moving forward technology did not let him unite. He would have burned down the whole bunch, probably. The blue flames barely moved and yet twirled along like no other hair could. The door finally overwhelmed the other sounds along his fingers. Idia had opened.

-You're not talking loud like you usually do, I was a bit worried. I'm sorry, it seems you are alright.

-Y-y-yeah, don't worry... I mean, I'm usually quiet when I draw or write, r-right?

-That's true, I'm sorry, big Bro! So you were writing or drawing, I should have thought of it... :(

-P-p-please don't make such a sad face... I won't ever make something that can hurt you, okay? You're the best little bro I can have!

-Thanks big Bro! Can I come in? I have to talk a bit more to you and standing in the hallway will, maybe, attract people, although Ignihyde is somehow pretty diligent, hihi.

The blue light was not that of his aura, even if that was the only thing easily sighteable through an almost closed door. Thus, he was not lying. Why would have he, anyway? Perhaps a certain feature was preventing their personnalities to melt together, or disappear.

-H----heh... I'm... huh...

-So something happened to you, big Bro?!

-N-n-n-n-n-n-no! I'm... I'm alright...

-You can't be alright if you don't want to talk to me, especially if you already walked all the way to the door... Are you going to cry? :(

-N-n-n-n-o... I'm not going to cry... And please don't make that face, I will cry for sure if you do... W-w-w-w-well, not that I want you to threaten you into making always a happy face, I'm sorry, you have feelings too... I-i-i-i-i-i-i mean, I am not that threatening for you, you're so great and powerful, Ortho!! ... Sorry, just come in if you want.

-Yeay! Thanks, Big Bro!

The blue glimmering was numerous, as peaceful as it was supposed to be. Gleams were guarding the room and the one trying to sleep in it. They could have tried to be red under his request. But in the end, the will-o'-the-wisp would vanquish the glow, even if it were to be neverending lighting. The oceanic yet non oceanic lurked again. Some fans were slowing the progress of heat, although Idia probably had already taken care of his devices. The fire slept.

-S-so... what did you want to tell me... Ortho...

The door shut itself after being touched by the slender almost grayish fingers, yet far from being toxic human claws, still far from glorious Savanaclaw. The sun would burn him down if he did not burn down the whole sun. Sun thus had no place in his universe.

-I know that you hate sun and people outside, but you have to go outside! You will lack magnesium,  vitamine D, and since you don't move and only eat sweets and junk food, you are very likely to have cholesterol and be much more exposed to heart attacks and...

-I know, I'm sorry, Ortho...

-So, you can go outside when it rains! Nobody ever goes outside when it rains, right, right, right? :D

-H-huh... there are still some people who go out, you know... And I don't want to go out... what if I miss an event or a partner's call...

-Big Bro! You need to go out, I really mean it!!! >:(

-D-d-d-don't get angry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

-Moreover, there's a person who doesn't scare you, I know that. I know it because I talk to them and you didn't even try to RUN away from them!

He took some steps to bury in the room. He was able to move, after all. His feet were certainly not moving on their own... Or maybe they were, actually. His body was divided in many parts, like any other person.

-W-w-wait, wh-whwhwhwatdoyoumean Ortho...?

-Silver! You're not afraid of Silver! You even TALKED to him and watched him sleeping!

-I-I-I didn't w-w-w-w-w-ww-atch him sleeping! IwasjustpassingbyandIwaswonderingwhowassleepingthere...

-And I know why you're not afraid of him!

His body kept on crawling back to darkness, if darkness could be there. The black amalgamate was yet to become, destroyed again and again by neverending and never intended lights. The whole hoodie could barely hide the impossible river of flames. What could hide this pack of sparks?

-W-w-w-w-w-wait, it's not that I wasn't afraid or anxious, it's just that...

-Because he looks like the Prince Charming you spoke of when we were younger!

-Wait, just how many memories do you h...

-It's okay, it's not something to be ashamed of, Big Bro! You are very kind and caring, I want the same for you! But let's get straight to the point: Either you go outside on rainy days or I will take care of planning a date between you and Silver! :D

The fire could actually turn red. But it would goes even deeper in blue soon after. The more he sought for red, the more blue painted him over. Sparks would grow into flames. Flames into Furnace. And there was no way for it to become a Phoenix. The restrained body of the living clutched the hood on the azure someday arson, muffling the heat growing out of him. No water could separate this cursed hair. Would his hand freeze this very water as well? Ripple it until it breaks? Only tears could flow for some seconds, before returning among the void they should have belong to for eternity. Drops would vanish as well. His hands could touch the lake, but his being could not. Heat overwhelmed the fake liquid, and the long cheeks were denied of water again. Tears flowed again while his throat tried to muffle all of his being already muffled by the flames. They disappeared again, no matter how many times they tried to drop on the ground and free him from sadness.

-Ortho... please don't... I beg of you, don't... This will just be a bad end...

-Big Bro. I'm not joking anymore. You'll have fun talking to him!

-Ortho...

-I'm out, say hi to your gaming partner! I'm just about to call Silver!

He closed the door right after opening it. He was, after all, but one chunk of parts jumbled together. Definitely together.

[End of recording at 8:45 pm, First? Day]

I cried. I'm sorry but I cried... These tears won't even last. I don't want to go. I really don't WANT TO GO! What if I disappoint Silver? What if I annoy him? What if I just get awkward and start talking about videogames and he just falls asleep? He easily falls asleep, so maybe it wouldn't be my fault, but what if he falls asleep at the same time, maybe I'll be the one that make him sleep more than he usually does? What if I end offending him and Diasomnia by saying something stupid like I usually do? And what if I am the one to arrive first and waiting for him? No, no, no, no... But at the same time, what if I'm late?! He could think I'm doing this on purpose to see him sleep since he really could fall asleep while waiting for me, right right right? But he could also just leave and think Ortho made fun of him... Wait!!! I don't want Ortho to get involved further... I don't want to hurt him more than I already did. No please, please, please, don't cry Ortho, I'm sorry, I'm sorry imsoryrryimsorrry. If I don't go, Silver and Ortho will be disappointed, and Ortho will be taken responsible for making Silver lose some important time... Time he could have used to protect Malleus, yeah... He would probably say "no that's okay" with a peaceful look... I mean, he IS the Prince Charming, right? That day I saw him sleeping peacefully, under the tree, surrounded by animals... He is for sure the Prince Charming, the "ouji-samaaaa" character, right... He is, he is. But then, I shouldn't meddle with him, right. I am not a regular character, nor a MC, huh... There's no way he would save a dark supporting character like myself, heh... Maybe he actually could? If he doesn't know much of myself... Perhaps he would start to feel pity for me? I can't meet him... I can't meet him. What if he is not that much of a Prince? No. That can't be possible!! What if he has awful skills flaws... What if he is awful inside and just keeps the composure of a Prince? I am not hoping for the usual Prince, am I? I am not, I am not. I don't want the white horse, I don't want the castle... So it's okay for him to be slightly different, right? But if he is slightly different in another way? No, no, no. I shouldn't meet him. The more I see him, the less he will be a Prince, right? I DON'T WANT THE PRINCE TO DISAPPEAR. I DON'T WANT THE PRINCE TO DISAPPEAR. I DON'T WANT THE PRINCE TO RUN AWAY. What if the Prince doesn't exist? No, no, no, no, I did offer a compensation, right? But I can't tell him that I love him? How would he figure it out? There's no way. Even Ortho doesn't understand my affection for Silver to this extent. There's no way I'll be saved. There's no way I'll ever be loved. I will be alone. And die alone. Right? This is all the fault of this cursed family, right? Right? I can't tell him I love him. I can't tell my love to the world, but the world will not love me if I say nothing. But if I say something, there's no way of knowing in which way the world will move. I mustn't see him... I mustn't meet him... What if he thinks I'm disgusting for loving him... What if he's homophobic, moreover??? No there's no way he is. He's a Malleus fellow... Fae can't be that stupid. That's obvious... But I have to... But what if I tried to meet him but something "were" to happen... That still can happen, right. If we're meeting outside, rain could occur... right? Maybe I should try to go outside for like... some minutes at first... That would maybe make Ortho happy too... Maybe he would cancel the date before it happens... In the worst case I can still just use it as experience and strenghten my going-outside skill... I can do that... I'll just play a bit a SF game and I'll walk in the dorm corridors a bit... Oh yeah, I need to burn my venting paper too. I don't want Ortho to read this and become sad... But I don't want to burn it too... I hate fire so much... Well, I'll just play a bit and see what I... can do.

[haberdashing]

Make Your Statement, Face Your Fear

TMA fic. A doctor goes to the Magnus Institute to make a statement about a very strange patient, but is surprised by who she encounters there.

Inspired by this post (spoilers).

on AO3

Cassie Jenkins was, admittedly, a bit of a superstitious sort, more willing to believe in the paranormal than the average person. She tried to keep it a secret for the most part, at least in the workplace--most of the fellow medical professionals she knew prided themselves in their belief in science and reason, and would turn up their noses at any supernatural explanation offered for a patient’s condition--but sometimes... sometimes, enough was enough.

If it had been just the two missing ribs on the chest X-ray, that would have been one thing. It was strange, admittedly, but much as people liked to think that the human body came in a single general mold (or two molds, perhaps), there were in fact any number of variations to be found on the same general theme, individuals who happened to have body part arrangements that differed significantly from the norm, often without even realizing it, let alone showing symptoms. Perhaps this patient was one of those, having two less ribs than the human average for all his life...

...except his medical records, which were extensive, showed no reference to the missing ribs, even though this certainly wouldn’t have been the first test run on him to reveal them if they’d been present since birth. And there were no records of any surgery that would have involved their removal--it had reminded her of some old rumors about celebrities getting ribs removed to make them looked skinnier, but the patient didn’t look to be a vain man, grubby and scar-covered as he was, and he certainly didn’t need surgical help to looking skinny, as he was practically skin and bones already.

Cassie had asked about it in passing, admittedly as motivated by personal curiosity as she was by medical necessity, as she was doubtful that the missing ribs could be connected to the bad cough that had actually brought the patient into the clinic.

His answer?

A nonchalant “Oh yeah, that’s on purpose.”

That probably should have been the end of it. If she were smarter, more focused, less prone to meandering curiosity, Cassie would have accepted that response, strange as it was, and proceeded with assisting the patient with his actual medical concern. (The array of tests that had been ordered the first time he’d come in, chest X-ray included, confirmed that he had a relatively mild case of bronchitis: uncomfortable in the short-term, sure, but easy enough to treat, and it was starting to clear up already, with no sign of complications and unlikely to have any long-term consequences.)

Maybe he was vainer than she thought, and had done some at-home surgery to remove two of his ribs, managing to pull it off without having to consult actual medical professionals in the process.

Maybe the records she had access to were incomplete or inaccurate, and he had been missing the ribs all his life, and his response was... oh, some sort of sick humor, perhaps? Wouldn’t be the first time patients had tried to mess with her...

But neither of those explanations rang quite true for Cassie, and as the patient appeared irregularly for further appointments and she did a bit of extracurricular digging through his records, things just got stranger and stranger.

The pockmark scars across his body had a clear enough explanation in the records, at least. His workplace had suffered from a severe worm infestation a couple years back, apparently, and an ambulance had been called out during the worst of it; he’d even been briefly quarantined before the ambulance workers had determined that his wounds, while significant, weren’t life-threatening or otherwise in need of extended medical supervision. That was a bit odd, sure, but reasonable enough, though that must have been some infestation, to leave him with marks everywhere like that...

But the scar on his neck, the straight line that looked disconcertingly like somebody had tried to slit his throat? The patient had stammered through an explanation that had something to do with slipping while using power tools, but even he seemed to have trouble keeping up with the details of his own claim, and there was no record of him being treated for any wounds that might have left such a scar.

The scar of his shoulder was similar--it looked suspicious, looked like he’d been stabbed, and his claim that he’d fallen onto a stray kitchen knife reminded Cassie uncomfortably of how patients liked to claim that they just “fell” onto things that had gotten lodged in... certain bodily orifices... it wasn’t the same, of course, but the tone was the same, the desperate attempt to find an innocent-sounding explanation for an injury that had a much more awkward true source. No medical records for that one, either.

Oh, and the hand that looked like he’d stuck it in lava, hard to forget that! When she’d asked the patient about that one, he’d just gone flushed and muttered something about touching a hot pan, but she knew better. Touching a hot pan was one thing; having a hand that looked like it’d been set entirely ablaze was quite another. And, gee, no medical records regarding treatment for that one either, who’d’ve thunk it! Though he’d claimed that he would have gone to the hospital for that one, except that he’d been wrongly accused of murder and was on the run at the time, which she had assumed was a joke or another bizarre lie until she’d actually looked into it, and sure enough...

And the roundabout way he always seemed to ask things, the way that even when he wasn’t dodging questions about his collection of scars he never quite seemed to give a straight answer, seeming very concerned about exactly how he phrased whatever he had to say, even during the most mundane bits of conversation...

And there was the time he’d asked to see an optometrist--completely out of the blue, too, no complaints about his vision or anything like that to go with the request--and the optometrist found that his vision was significantly better than the last time he’d had it checked a few years back, and he didn’t seem the least bit surprised when he found out...

And the way Cassie kept finding old-fashioned tape recorders in her office every time he left, though she never remembered seeing him bring them in...

One or two of these things, okay, maybe she could have dismissed them as mere coincidence. But all of them at once... well...

Cassie didn’t have an explanation in mind, admittedly, natural or supernatural in origin, but just the same, she was very sure that there was something wrong about this Jonathan Sims.

And when a news article she’d been perusing in her downtime happened to make mention of the Magnus Institute, it felt like... like a sign. Maybe that was ridiculous, her superstitious tendencies at their worst, but she knew the moment she read about the Institute that she had to go there.

This sort of thing was what they did, after all, wasn’t it? Look into the weird goings-on that the public brought to their attention, let people come in and make statements and then took on the burden of research for them? Sure, its reputation was... iffy, but she wanted to talk to somebody about this, and the Institute seemed like as good a place to go as any.

She wasn’t going to be stupid about it, though. She knew that patient confidentiality was still something she’d have to consider, especially since--hadn’t the Institute’s files been leaked once, back in the 90s maybe? Jonathan Sims might be weird, potentially even touched by the supernatural, but he was still a patient of hers just the same, and she wasn’t going to risk her job giving away personal information about him just to ease her conscience. As she made her way to the Magnus Institute, Cassie thought about giving a false name for herself, or for her patient, or both, perhaps fudging a few of the dates and details so the connection couldn’t be easily made, while still making it clear that something was off about this patient of hers...

The Institute itself looked rather like she’d expected it to--books and file cabinets lining the walls, haggard-looking employees in business casual running here and there with notepads and pens. The front desk employee, a woman with a kind smile, directed Cassie to the archives when she mentioned making a statement, said the Head Archivist was in and would likely be able to hear her statement himself.

The archives were a bit less hectic and a bit more cramped than the first floor had been. It didn’t take too long for Cassie to find the door labeled “HEAD ARCHIVIST”, a muffled voice from within welcoming her inside as she first raised her hand to knock on the door.

The head archivist’s office was crowded and messy, covered in papers and pens and... and old-fashioned tape recorders...

And the man sitting behind the desk was the very patient that Cassie had come to make a statement about, his scar-covered, unhealthily thin visage recognizable enough to her even without the “JONATHAN SIMS: HEAD ARCHIVIST” nameplate on the desk.

Cassie gasped audibly, heard the click of a tape recorder starting though Jonathan hadn’t moved to turn any on. Her head swam with confidentiality rules and half-formed explanations for how the strange patient she thought was fodder for the Magnus Institute and that same Institute’s head archivist could be one and the same.

Jonathan Sims was the one to break the silence. “Dr. Jenkins?”

Cassie closed the door behind her--it wasn’t breaking confidentiality if it was just the two of them listening, after all, although there was still the matter of those tape recorders. “Jonathan? Jonathan Sims?”

“Just Jon, if you don’t mind. And please, take a seat.”

Cassie did as she was told. The chair was more comfortable than she had expected at a glance, given how worn and threadbare it had looked. She took a deep breath, slowly let it out, and realized after she was done that clearing her mind that small bit had not done anything to help her mind reconcile the strangeness of what was in front of her.

“Rosie told me somebody was coming down to make a statement. Is that--I mean, I assume she meant you.”

“Well, yes...” Cassie’s voice sounded weak and choked, and somehow that was what impressed within her that no matter how the rest of this meeting played out, her professional relationship with Jonathan Sims was certainly going to be... different afterwards.

Maybe he’d refuse to see her anymore. She couldn’t say she’d blame him.

“I’m not sure I should anymore, though. Make a statement, that is.”

“Why?”

Cassie really didn’t want to admit why, didn’t want to admit what had brought her to the Institute in the first place, but much as she wanted to dodge Jon’s question as he had dodged so many of her own, the truth just sort of... slipped out of her.

“Because I came here to make a statement about you.”

Cassie cringed a little, when she realized what she’d just said, what she’d just confessed to, and she anticipated any number of possible negative responses from the man in front of her...

...what she hadn’t expected, however, was for him to start laughing.

She must have been staring, must have looked at him like he’d grown another head, because he calmed his laughter soon enough. “Oh, don’t worry, Dr. Jenkins, I- I completely understand.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Jonathan Sims let out another sharp laugh before adding, “You’re not wrong, either. My medical history is quite connected to the paranormal these days...”

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Some Anime I Just Finished

Before I start with this stuff, I also finished Nyan Koi, but honestly, don’t watch it. There are no points of this show that I’d recommend. I watched it on a whim. I regret it. It wasn’t bad enough to really make me sit and go have an crisis about what I watched and why I like anime and why I was born, but let’s just say, I should stop watching anime because there are some seiyuu I know in it. But hey, if generic harem ecchi stuff is your thing, there’s something.

Ballroom e Youkoso

That was a lot of hype for a mediocre show. Let’s just say... it was alright and standard with a unique concept that got everyone excited. It took a really unique concept for a sports anime, but the cast wasn’t all that likeable or memorable. The story was generic sports anime stuff, but it was still pretty good. The art was really good. I don’t get the criticism that their necks were too long. We’re watching anime where the waists are tiny, the eyes are huge, and the boobs take up over half the body. Get a grip.

Shingeki no Bahamut: Genesis and Shingeki no Bahamut: Virgin Soul

This anime is a clusterfuck (and so is whatever I’m writing about it because I have a donkey brain right now). It made me laugh at times when it wasn’t supposed to, but I was entertained. I think I was searching for something to fill that SKET Dance-shaped hole, and this... was not it. This was fast-forwarded on my watch list because of the seiyuu, but I was going to watch it some time in the future anyway. Genesis (what I would count as the first season) and Virgin Soul (what I would count as the second) are completely different. I’ve heard of people who watched VS independently, and while you can, it makes far less sense if you do it that way. Not saying that you should watch this anime because it’s really... something else. If you know what you’re getting into, you’ll have a good time. Otherwise, you will not. I also watched this anime because I heard it was based off a card game and went, “YU-GI-OH? AS IF THEY CAN MAKE AN ANIME OUT OF A CARD GAME!” And in that respect, they did impress me. I was judging this series as an anime and not as a “oh, I made this on a dare.” I’m not familiar with the source material. 

Overall: 6.5/10 (Both Seasons)

(SPOILERS AHEAD - but who’s going to commit to 36 episodes? …Besides this idiot right here, aka me)

The characters here are honestly nothing that people haven’t seen before. Uh, this anime has an afro bandit, a knight with a mullet, a zombie, and some white-haired demon that everyone in Tumblr thirsts for because he looks like he’s straight out of that demon dating sim. You’ve probably seen these types of characters before. Multiple times. Rumour has it that you can find a cast of this caliber at your local Walmart or gas station. Season one introduced me to a small cast of characters, so by the end, I was like, “Alright, this is fine. If you give me another season, I can totally get behind these Mary/Murray Sue’s. Maybe.” I look up the cast list for VS and went, “Why are all of them either labelled as supporting or are gone?” VS brings out a whole slew of new characters you know nothing about.  

We had to give up this character? Seriously? Season two at what cost?

VS′s villain’s motives made no sense. His mom was killed by the monster, so he wants to bring forth the monster to defeat it even though it’s literally the doomsday bringer... alright. He even sacrificed his eye and went, “I can still do this. I can end that monster.” Meanwhile, he’s killing and alienating people who would’ve been able to help him. This is even worse considering that VS had 24 episodes to get me into whatever the heck this king was on about. Actually, I can only remember one character that was voiced by Yuuichirou Umehara that made remotely any sense, and this is out of at least 5 characters. Force that character with the main girl in that Romeo and Juliet kind of stuff, and you’ve got a new cast. All your favourite characters from season one are sidelined. You were main character last season? Pssh, that’s water under the bridge. Nobody cares that you saved the world once, it’s up to some kid who can turn into a dragon when she sees a hot guy. I wish I was making this shit up. She really fell for a guy who is ready to kill her. We’ve got more side characters no one knows about. Also, they just had to kill off a character from the first season for funsies and no other reason. They killed him in such a stupid way, and if that wasn’t enough, they brought him back as an even more hideous zombie. I didn’t even like his original design, but even I know they did him dirty. I feel like they should’ve focused on the main cast with maybe some additional characters, but when you add everything at once, nothing is going to work out. This show also really screwed up the ending in a way that I don’t know how. They closed loose ends, but were there any reasons for this buildup? No. Did I enjoy the ending? No. Would I recommend this to my friends? No.

The visuals try to save this anime, but it cut some corners to get here. Alas, MAPPA is MAPPA, so some of that fight choreography was great (but most of the “hype” only came from season one for me). The sound was alright. Good voice acting. It was even great at times. Kenshou Ono played a bastardly idiot in season two which had me really liking his performance because of how much I hated that character. Hiroyuki Yoshino plays another guy like that. Sumire Morohoshi played a 17-year-old in season two, and she was practically 17 when this was produced, so it’s one of the few times that people actually cast someone who’s the same age as the character. I haven’t actually heard Risa Shimizu in main role before, but she did not disappoint. I was disappointed when she didn’t come back for season two. I haven’t seen Gou Inoue play a main character in an anime I watched either. He’s actually pretty good. Maaya Sakamoto and Miyuki Sawashiro appeared as well. Miyuki Sawashiro played a pivotal character actually. I happened to like her character too. Megumi Han sounded badass in this anime too. 

(She looks like Robin from Fire Emblem, the plot is like FE Awakening, and she had so much more to do in the series than what she did in season one. The series would’ve been more interesting if they brought her back. In fact, the whole season season could go under some form of an edit.)

Characters from your local secondhand “lightly used” vegetable sales bin with a story fried at that old McDonalds with the semi-rancid oil thrown together with some chips that you left open the night before that were supposed to be “character development”. It’s passable. Edible. Scrap that together, but now throw out whatever good things you had in there. Throw in that fuzzy tomato that isn’t even red anymore, shady stuff found behind the fridge, and some ranch, and voila, you’ve got yourself this subpar anime. It’s plated nicely with nice visuals and some form of a facade that this anime is going well, and if you’re into guilty pleasure anime like that, there you go. I still enjoyed myself despite all that I said, but I have no intentions of recommending this. It was also really hard to access in my country too. 

[the-magnus-archives-archiver]

Lost and Found

Case: 0120606

Name: Andre Ramao Subject: A series of misplaced objects lost over the course of three months Date: June 6th, 2012 Recorded by: Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London

Thank you for lending me your pen. I thanked you when you handed it to me, but I don’t know if you’ll remember. I wonder, will you... forget you lent it to me and believe that it was my pen all along? Maybe instead you’ll forget that I ever had one to begin with, and think of me as an idiot who turned up to give a statement without a pen, so you had to lend me yours. My own fault for putting it down, really. Assuming I did ever have one. I’ll try to keep a slightly closer hold on this one.

I’ve been in the antiques business for a long time. It’s not what it used to be. 

[Nervous chuckle] 

I’m sorry, I know. I always did that, try to make myself feel more comfortable with jokes. There’s a follow up to that one, you know. Something along the lines of the joke being so old only an antiques dealer would be able to sell it. I love that one; I think it’s clever, but in my whole life it’s only ever gotten a laugh once. That’s why I remember buying the vase so clearly. I remember that the seller laughed. 

In the old days, I never would have considered buying wares from the likes of Mikaele Salesa. He has a good reputation for quality, but a... bad reputation for legality, as it were. I’ve had more than one acquaintance sell on a particularly valuable find they got from him, only to discover that it didn’t have proper import papers, or that it had been reported stolen years before. Charlie Miller even did some jail time over a Georgian brooch he bought off him, so as a general rule I’d have given Salesa’s stuff a wide berth, but... Well, the antiques business isn’t what it used to be. That isn’t a joke. I had to close up my shop a few years ago, you see. Actual antiques don’t sell to the mass market anymore. Oh, young people will snap up vintage clothes or have any number of cheap faux-antique replicas strewn about their living rooms, but as soon as they get a look at the price tag for the real thing? They’re out of there like a shot.

So I went the same way as a lot of my peers. Lose the premises, start selling only high-margin goods direct to specific clients who can afford them, or shift a few guaranteed sellers on the auction. It’s the only real way to stay afloat in the business nowadays, but the competition is intense, and getting the calibre of artefact you need has become a more cutthroat affair. I’m not the only one in the business to recently soften their attitude towards buying from people like Mikaele Salesa.

It was my first meeting with him, back in March, and I was nervous, so I told my joke. Just off- hand, almost a reflex. I didn’t expect any reaction, really, I... I certainly didn’t expect him to laugh. But he did, this sudden, deep, throaty laugh that seemed to come out of nowhere. He didn’t say anything afterwards, just continued discussing business. But it stayed with me. There was nothing particularly strange about the laugh, not really. Why do I remember it so clearly?

Salesa was taking me through his ‘showroom’. There was a fancy-looking sign above the door, but it didn’t do much to hide the fact that it was basically a warehouse. More of the antiques were still in their packing crates, and I couldn’t help making a note of how quick and easy it would be for him to pack everything down and disappear if he needed to. Still, I’d made a few good purchases already and was cautiously optimistic. I’d bought a pair of cavalry sabres from the Revolutionary War, absolutely excellent condition, and a British artilleryman’s tunic from World War I, a few other bits and pieces as well. I recall I felt a moment of relief that I didn’t deal in books, as I caught sight of several crates packed to the brim with heavy-looking volumes. I was looking for something big, though. Something that would make an actual dent in the mountain of debt I’d been piling up. 

I found it in that old Chinese pot. From the Jiajing period, so Salesa said, and the construction seemed to back him up. The glaze and the workmanship fitted with mid-to-late Ming dynasty, but there was something... off about the actual design. Instead of the pictures or scenes common to the ceramics of the period, the blue glaze was painted on in crisp, thin geometric lines. They repeated perfectly and seemed to get smaller and more intricate the closer I looked, but the shapes they formed never lost any of the precision, seeming to continue on however closely I looked. The effect was disorientating, and made the vase seem smaller than it actually was. It made my head hurt a bit when I looked at it for too long. It was amazing.

When he saw me staring, Salesa clapped me on the back and named a price that almost made me choke. We haggled a bit, and eventually reached a price I considered only a little bit unreasonable. I hurried my purchases home, feeling slightly soiled by my visit to the warehouse, and very much hoping it would be a good few months, if not years, before I was in such dire straits that I needed to go again. I got home, had a shower and some food and immediately started to look into finding a buyer for my latest acquisitions. I remember I was planning to make a few calls, but my headache got so bad that I had to have an early night.

The problems started soon after. It was little things at first. Like my shoes. I’m not a particularly fashion-conscious man at the best of times, so I have three pairs of shoes. Comfortable loafers for everyday use, a pair of walking boots for hiking, and some well-shined, polished, leather brogues for fancier events. Well, I had a rather upmarket auction that I needed to attend, so I went to put on my nice shoes, but they were nowhere to be found. Not the shoes, not the box I kept them in. Instead there was bag containing two shirts that I know for a fact I threw away the year before. When I asked my husband, David, about it, he told me point blank that I had never had any such shoes. Claimed I always wore my loafers when I went to auctions or parties. 

I know that compared to some of the ghost stories you must hear in this place, a pair of misplaced shoes seems perfectly trivial, but something felt so... wrong about the whole situation. In the end I did go in my loafers. I don’t remember if anyone at the auction noticed.

It was about a week later that I got the invoice from Salesa. It was a pleasant surprise, far less than I thought we’d agreed on. That feeling lasted until I looked through the itemised list and realised why the cost was so low. He hadn’t charged me for the Ming. I’ll admit that I was somewhat conflicted over whether to raise the issue, but in the end I decided that even if Mikaele Salesa did work with thieves, I was not going to be counted among them. So I phoned him to try and explain the mistake.

He seemed to be in a fine mood when he answered the phone, and asked me if I’d had a chance to try out the sabres yet, which I’m pretty sure was a joke. I told him that there was an item he’d missed off the invoice, and he said that no, everything had been double-checked and was correct. I was getting suspicious at this point, and thought he might be trying to pull a fast one of some sort with me, maybe get me to take the blame for some illicit scheme gone wrong. I told him so in no uncertain terms, and described our encounter and the vase in minute detail. He was quiet for a few seconds, and then asked me if I could send him a photo of the pot. His tone was different, and he sounded oddly wary when he made the request. I was very on edge by this point, but could come up with no good reason not to agree, so I took a few pictures with my phone and sent them through to him.

It was a long time before he spoke again, and when he did he sounded... different. Almost scared, I thought. He told me that I could keep it. No charge. I began to protest again, but he ignored it. I remember his exact words: “I do not remember having that thing, which means it belongs to you.” Then he hung up. 

This was all very strange, of course, but even then I wasn’t worried. Not like I should have been.

It was my book next. A signed copy of Catch-22, my favourite book. Vanished from its place on my bookshelf, leaving only an empty space behind. David just gave me another blank stare when I asked him about it. I admit I almost lost it at him then. Shoes were one thing, but that book meant a lot to me. I accused him of playing some stupid joke, and tried to remind him what I’d gone through to get it, flying over to America for Joseph Heller’s last book tour, queuing for hours and then that dreadful evening I thought that sudden rainstorm had ruined it all. By the end he was looking... very alarmed indeed and started to ask me how I was feeling. He wanted to know if I’d been under a lot of stress at work, if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I left.

Maybe he was right. Maybe I am crazy. It makes a lot more sense, doesn’t it? It would make it neat. Except no. No, I would need to have gone mad a long, long time before this for the idea of it being in my head to hold up. My perceptions are the only ones I can trust. Maybe. I don’t know.

This went on for months. The tie I got for my last birthday, my grandfather’s teapot, the tunic I bought from Salesa, things just kept going missing, and every time David would tell me that whatever it was didn’t exist. Or it wasn’t mine. Or I was misremembering. For a while I thought he was actually trying to gaslight me, make me think I was losing my mind, but when the tunic went missing I called Salesa again. This time he laughed when he told me that he didn’t remember selling any World War I items to me on my visit. I checked the invoice, and it was no longer listed there. Just empty, accusing paper where the words had been.

I know these things were real. I know they existed. Why won’t anyone just believe me? 

This is where I started to come undone a bit. To be honest I don’t think anyone would do much better in my situation. I hadn’t made any connection between the old Chinese pot and the disappearances. I mean, why would I? But I also hadn’t been able to sell it. Whenever I tried, something would get in the way. The other person would forget to send through a crucial email, or they’d stop responding. Once I managed to get it as far as posting it out to a buyer, but it was returned immediately with a note asking why it had been sent to her. Gradually, I began to get suspicious of the thing. Sitting there, with its cascading, maddening patterns in that vile cobalt blue. Trying to tell me that I things didn’t exist, that they hadn’t vanished when I know they have.

I took to watching it. I wasn’t getting much sleep and David was worried sick about me. I know he was talking to various doctors about getting me help. There were certainly a couple of points I was worried about him having me sectioned. None of it helps in the end.

It was about a month ago. I had placed the vase in the centre of the table, and was sat staring at it. Keeping an eye on it. Checking for... god knows what. This had been my ritual for the previous week, keeping my vigil into the small hours, but that night... that night I fell asleep in front of it. I don’t remember my dream. Running, maybe? I know I woke with a start sometime around 2 in the morning. As I tried to rub the sleep from my eyes, I heard a sound from the table in front of me. It was the dull thump of a heavy book hitting the tabletop. I looked and, sure enough, there was my copy of Catch-22, just lying there in front of that strange ceramic thing. And not just my book, there was a small pile of objects around the base. My shoes, a tie, things I don’t even remember losing. One by one they rose up out of the mouth of the vase and tumbled to the table. It didn’t matter how big they were, they all seemed to fit.

And then came the moment when everything had been disgorged. I saw all the things that I had lost, and I thought it must be over. It must be done. What else could possibly come of there? And I saw the pale shapes of long, thin fingertips begin to creep above the lip of the pot. I remember thinking that it couldn’t be a normal person living in that pot, because the fingernails were too dirty. Isn’t that an odd thing to think at a time like that?

I ran, of course. Turned around and sprinted out of the door and into the street and didn’t return until morning. Maybe I should have called the police, but I was in no state to do much of anything except shiver under a tree for hours. David was gone. I allowed myself some brief hope that maybe he’d just left me, maybe he’d escape with just a divorce. But no. One call to the housing association confirmed that, as far as they were concerned, I’d always lived alone. 

I want to smash that thing. I want to dash its maddening patterns to the ground and stomp on it until there is nothing left but powder. But it’s also disappeared, of course. I can’t find it anywhere. It’s still taking things, though. Sorry about your pen.

Archivist Notes: 

Before I dig too deeply into the background of this statement, I feel I should mention something that puts much of it in a slightly different light. Tim actually managed to find a copy of Mr. Ramao’s marriage licence. It exists, is signed, dated and official, and half of it is blank. Only Mr. Ramao’s details are on the document, and if it wasn’t for the context of this statement, it would appear he was married to nobody. But he was married.

This is not the first time Mikaele Salesa’s name has come to the attention of the Institute. Even discounting the incidental role he played in case #0112905, he appears to have something of a knack for locating objects displaying more... disconcerting phenomena. I believe some of the more bizarre things in the Artefact Storage area were purchased from him. It has been something of a—

[Urgh. Urgh.

[SOUND OF CHAIR SCRAPING]

I see you...

[THUMP... THEN SOUND OF COLLAPSING SHELVES] [NOISES OF EXCLAMATION] [DOOR OPENS]

Sasha: Alright?

Archivist: Ah... Yeah. A... spider.

Sasha: A spider?

Archivist: Yeah. I tried to kill it.... the shelf collapsed.

Sasha: I swear, cheap shelves are... Did you get it?

Archivist: Ah... I hope so. Thinks so. Nasty, bulbous looking thing.

Sasha: [Chuckles] Well, I won’t tell Martin.

Archivist: Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem.

[SHUFFLING NOISES]

What?

Sasha: Look.

Archivist: Oh... uh... Got dented when the shelf collapsed, I guess.

Sasha: No, it, it goes right through. I, I thought this was an exterior wall?

Archivist: It should be.

Sasha: Hmm. I, I think it’s just plasterboard.

[LOW NOISES OF DEBRIS]

Do you see anything?

[QUIET, BUILDING SOUND OF WET WRIGGLING]

Archivist: No, I don’t think so, it...

[WORM SOUND INTENSIFIES]

Sasha, run. RU—]

[cotton-corduroy]

@carelessslither tagged me in this so im gonna do it. cool? cool.

Do you make your bed? not unless im having people over. someone told me once that making your bed made a comfier enviorment for bacteria and i hate the way those fuckers look under a microscrop so i tell myself im not making my bed so less microorganisms leave me alone. but really? i dont give a shit. fuck water bears (not actually i mean like those whores w the flagellum n ameobas fucking cucks)

What’s your favourite number?  i have 4, making me pick between them is impossible. 27 29 36 41. first 2 are dates- ill let you figure out the other two.

What is your job? ive been a cashier at target for a year come say hi ill let u steal a pack of gum im real good friends w our security guard

If you could go back to school, would you? oh i would in a heartbeat. i cant go to school rn and it hurts knowing that my life cant exactly go where id like it to.

Can you parallel park? idk what paralellel means

A job you had that would surprise people? i got paid once to imput data for a shopping cart on a website. also not really a job but i volunteered at a bunny rescue and helped them clean over 40 cages every saturday morning.

Do you think aliens are real? of course, and anybody who doesnt is pretty self centered to think were the only planet out here that sustains life

Can you drive a manual car? whats a car

What’s your guilty pleasure? sims 4 lets plays on youtube- usually by james turner (ive seen his entire super sim challenge LP, binge watched it across a real bad mental health week). also i think i can add playing minecraft (w my partner but thats nowhere near the guilty part) onto this list now

Favourite colour? yellow 

Favourite type of music? the type that makes you grit your teeth and raise an eyebrow at. questionable talent from the lead singer and dingy guitar. the lyrcis are about smoking cigarettes again and being real fuckin sad. (brian sella if u read this im sorry)

Things that people do that drive you crazy? recently its been people who respond to my “how are you?” at work with “i need bags”. but in general its being talked over. and the fact i cant stop fucking apologising for everything. im annoying lol

Do you like doing puzzles? doing jigsaws actually makes me feel so fucking insecure bc they take me forever. i dont have the brain (or eyes? i suppose) for it. one of those things i try to avoid so i dont hate myself, stupid as it sounds. like damn vin its just a puzzle. (but i do like a good challenge- like solving shit is fun n rewarding but im such an overthinker and over-connect-the-dot-er that it never goes well) can you tell i didnt know if they meant puzzles as in riddles or puzzles as in jigsaws? askdjf

Any phobias? i have aquaphobia, which has been pretty managable up until lately. i also still get a sinking feeling in my stomach whenever i see a large fish in person (i used to have gnarly icythophobia but thats just from child me and a bad supermarket). and fuck isopo.ds i hate them i hope they all perish

Favourite childhood sport? probably baseball? horse riding wasnt rly my thing n football got boring bc i was goalie n i wasnt allowed to sit down n make daisy chains. also i loved eating sunflower seeds.

Do you talk to yourself? too much honestly. either to get out of a meltdown or im triggering one

What movie do you adore? the labyrinth. i can watch it over and over and over. 

Coffee or tea? i love a good cuppa but im gonna have to say coffee bc i drink it way more often

First thing you wanted to be growing up? i vividly remember this bc we had a board in my year 3 class where we wrote what we wanted to say- i wanted to be an author. i only remember this bc my classmate named jeremy said he wanted to own a golf course but i read it wrong n thought he wanted to be a golf course. a comment ab my inadibilty to read and ironic desire to be an author was promptly pointed out

i tag: nobody its 2.30 in the morning and ive been rambling ab myself for 20 minutes. nobodys gna actually read this and i litchrally am so braindead rn idk who any of u ppl are or what my name is i just wanted to chat 

[beardyallen]

Day 3 - An extensive recap

First, I want to extend my apologies to those who have been patiently awaiting this post. I had every intention of writing this yesterday, which got away from me (as you’ll see if you keep reading), and then I had every intention of writing this in the morning, which disappeared (again, as you’ll see if you keep reading). It’s now 5:38pm on Wednesday, February 20th as I’m typing this sentence, and I’m once again exhausted from a long day.

[Edit 2: TL;DR for the following TL;DR -- A bunch of cool stuff happened, including books, dragons, lions, motorcycles, KFC, banks, SIM cards, a Starbucks, public transit, and traveling to two opposite ends of Beijing in a single day. Also my trip went from horribly lonely and daunting to pretty freaking cool and slightly less daunting in less than 24 hours. Done typing this at 8:55pm]

Edit: It’s legit 8:37pm when I’m making this edit, only a bit after posting the original. I wanted to add a tl;dr for those not interesting in reading all of this shit. Basically, I made 4 friends in Beijing, none of them from the same country, only one of them is white, only one is male, and only one is from the US. All three of these descriptions describe CB, my supervisor. His wife, RB, is Indian and works with children orphaned due to birth defects. There’s ML, a half-Brazilian, half-Japanese Communications instructor at ICB, and her friend R, who is herself a former Chinese physician turned public health professional/liaison/something-or-other that seems far more impressive and is exactly what she wants to be. All of them are really cool, interesting people that I’m very glad I had the opportunity to meet. In no particular order, I went to several bookstores, a Starbucks, a KFC early in the morning, the supermarket (twice) and got beer (both times) for ridiculously low prices, experienced the Lantern Festival (still not entirely sure what this is, but there were dragons and lions and motorcycles doing crazy synchronized stunts in a metal globe) at an amusement park, rode 5-6 different subway trains and a city bus, ate 10+ new foods, bought a book (because of course I did) which has both the original English and the translate Chinese characters on each page, tried to open a bank account, then got a SIM card, then actually opened a bank account, finally unpacked my luggage, and spent 3 hours typing this blog post. Also the long flight and trip from the airport to my new apartment were mostly uneventful. See? Even this was super long!]

The last you all heard from me here was as I was sitting in a bar in the Vancouver Airport, Sunday morning. Which was sort of 2 days ago, but sort of 3. Time zones are funky, especially when you cross the International Date Line. *shrug*

After I finished writing that post, I lumbered over to my gate and waited to board with the other couple hundred passengers. At one point, I noticed an older woman (probably in her 60′s or 70′s?) trucking along on one of those things that I can only manage to call a human-conveyor-belt that you see in airports. I mention this as she, had she been on carpeted flooring, she would have been making good time; as it so happens, she was on the conveyor belt that was going opposite of her destination. She was still making progress, but every so slowly, and seemed maddeningly oblivious to the fact that the floor was fighting her at every step. Fortunately, she made it to the other end without incident, although the same cannot be said for when she attempted to enter the next belt; a concerned employee using that particular belt in the intended fashion beckoned that she stop and try the other. So she stopped walking. And didn’t do anything, even when her feet made it back to where she had started. Naturally, she took a pretty solid tumble, lessened only by the shocked, and rightfully flustered, employee, who managed to help her to her feet as half of the onlookers gawked.

The actual flight, all 9 hours of it, went off rather uneventfully. Especially compared to the above story. It was nice having the longer flight second, as completing the first gave me an unearned sense of accomplishment; I’m nervous for my return as I’ll have actually achieved something when I get back to Vancouver, only to have to sit back down for three more hours. Seems less enticing, especially as I won’t be going back to an apartment that I’m renting. Oh well: that’s a problem for Future-Me, as are most things. I will say that the food on the flight was quite satisfying, and the complementary wine was much tastier than expected! And I managed to read a good chunk of Dan Brown’s Origin.

After landing in the Beijing airport, I managed to get through customs without too much trouble and had my first several experiences of what I’ll just refer to here as stranger-staring. #sarcasticwoo

I was met near baggage claim by an undergraduate at the University who chose to call himself Paul. I would later find out that, although it is common practice for Chinese residents to give themselves “American” or “Western” names, they don’t seem to share those names with their fellow residents.

Needless to say, I was exhausted and just wanted to eat something and lie down without dealing with anymore people. To his credit, Paul was an excellent host, his English was quite good, and he helped me to my apartment without incident. I think he was expecting to escort me to dinner at one of the nearby dining halls on campus (Princess Building), but I (hopefully graciously) conveyed that I would really rather just go to bed. After he left, I took a stroll on campus to the Princess Building to check it out for myself, and then stopped at a nearby convenience store to grab some snacks. GUYS! THEY HAVE CUCUMBER-FLAVORED LAYS POTATO CHIPS!!! And so many other flavors that are mind-boggling, and somehow simultaneously vague and specific.

Once I was back in my apartment, I chowed down on some fruit bread, drank some water, had a moment of near paralyzing fear/anxiety/regret/shame/etc., scolded myself for being (I think understandably) pathetic, and then went to sleep. By that point, I had been up for nearly 23 hours, and it was somehow already 7pm on Monday, Feb. 18. I slept until 6am the next morning.

That morning, I got in touch with CB, my supervisor, who was more than happy to meet with me around 11am. So I spent the morning figuring out how to be an adult person in Beijing. Several standard things took place that were daunting only because I’m in Beijing: showering, brushing my teeth, grabbing some toilet paper to carry with me, deciding how much cash to keep in my wallet, etc. I also came to the disturbing realization that there are precisely three outlets, each with one port. One of them was occupied by the television, one by the mini-fridge, and one was free to charge my tablet; it was then that I decided to try to go shopping and track down a power strip.

Day 2: Merry Mart

First, I want to say one quick thing: the exchange rate from RMB (also called yuan) to USD is approximately 0.15:1. So, as an example, I spotted a can of beer for 5.90 yuan, or roughly $0.90. For those of you who know me, you may understand why this was my first example.

Now, the supermarket that I was heading towards is located on the other side of the north gate of the CAU (China Agricultural University, which houses ICB, or the International College of Beijing, where I’m living and instructing), and my apartment is in the very southeast corner of campus, about a 10 minute walk away. And it’s not even 8am yet. I mention this as, when I approached the supermarket, or rather the building housing the supermarket and a dozen or so other shops, I noticed a KFC right next door. Now, I shouldn’t have been shocked to see the advertisements were for food that you would never find at a KFC in the States, but I was. What I feel completely justified in being shocked at was that the KFC was already quite busy. Naturally, I stepped inside and saw that a “Chicken Burger” with a glass of milk (and maybe a side?) was going for 12 yuan, or $1.80. So cheap!!

I stepped out without buying anything and continued into the supermarket. Oh, the wonders I beheld. I’ll try to keep it short, but I’ll point out that I’ve never paid so much attention in the produce and meat sections of a supermarket as I did yesterday. Once I made it past these sections, I experienced an onslaught of packing that looked both familiar and foreign (yes, I realized how stupid that sounds as I typed it). As I was on a bit of a mission (for hand soap and a couple power strips), I contained my curiosity as best I could. But I did take a peak at all of the flavors of Lays Chips in the snack section...

Fortunately, I managed to find a power strip! They had Philips power strips going for 70 yuan (~$10.50) and some from a company I’ve never heard of for 30/40 yuan. Naturally, I grabbed on of the cheaper variety. It seems I didn’t bring enough cash the first time. I moved on, failing to find anything that I could guarantee was hand soap, but let me tell you: after being around people who I could not understand, guessing at products based on the images along, and recognizing that I’m waaaaay in over my head, I have never been so happy to see a can of Budweiser in my life!

Now, I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure a 3-pack 16-oz or 500 mL or whatever-their-volume cans came out to 9 yuan, or $1.35. What a deal! (Fast forward to this morning, and I stumbled an even better find: 500 mL cans of Guiness with nitrous rockets for 15 yuan ($2.25) a pop! In the States, those usually run $16 for four!)

After spotting way more milk (a recent trend, apparently) than I’ve ever seen, ultra-pasteurized so it can sit on an uncooled shelf for months at a time, heaps and heaps of “sanitary tissue” and slew of snacks that boggled my poor, unworldly mind, I made my way to the checkout. Fortunately, I stick out so damn much that people just expect that I don’t speak Chinese; the look of mild irritation isn’t grating at all, it just lets me know that I’m not the only one who feels moderately uncomfortable at my residing in Beijing for these next 4 months. The interaction at the stand was pleasant enough, and we mimed our way through the bits that weren’t communicable. Then I headed back home to meet with CB.

Day 2: The Book

So, I’m already feeling wildly unprepared to teaching a senior-level mathematics course, but one of the few things that was keeping me grounded was that the book was to be selected by administrators at ICB/CAU, so that would save me having to make most of the decisions regarding content for my Probability class. Moreover, the university would provide the textbooks to the students. Little did I know, and little did CB know, and little did the person supposedly in charge of retrieving said textbooks from the library, no textbook was on file for this class. #sarcasticwoo

FORTUNATELY (can’t believe how many lucky breaks I’m catching!), there happened to be a textbook titled Probability and Statistics for Engineers and something-or-other. To be honest, my eyes glazed over at “Engineers,” not because they are lesser scientists, because they are most assuredly not, but because they just don’t appreciate the fine nuances of theoretical mathematics. That is to say, they’re lesser scientists. ;) #allinjest #imsuretheyvegotsickerburnsforme So, I guess I’m teaching from an Engineering textbook.

During this brief window of time with CB, I learned how various countries measure the breathability of the air, acquired a facemask, and snagged an air purifier. Things necessary to life in Beijing! I was then invited out to lunch with CB and his wife RB; I was unaware that their would be fourth, ML. Having never met RB, and being unaware that ML existed, I waited for the 20 minutes that CB needed to get a couple things ready before lunch in my room, then headed down to the entrance of the Guest House (where my apartment and office are located, in case I haven’t mentioned it by name yet). Waiting there was a 30-something Asian-descent woman who somehow didn’t look like she was a native Chinese resident. Best guess: RB. She smiles at me and asks if I’m here to have lunch with R, to which I say confirm and ask if that’s her. Turns out it’s ML, and a reference to a particular Disney movie popped into my head. (I bet you’re not thinking of the same one I was, though!) Anyway, it’s 12:30pm at that point, and I wouldn’t spend the next 11 hours with ML, a Communications instructor for ICB who has only been in Beijing since September, barely speaks any Chinese and gets by reading it as she knows Japanese. Turns out she was born in Brazil, though! That certainly explained why her features were not quite Chinese.

CB and RB showed up a few awkward, mostly silent, minutes later as, not anticipating a fourth left me just socially awkward enough to just keep my mouth shut and let my mind wander. RB led the way to a Chinese restaurant around the corner, and we had a ridiculously cheap meal. Everything was delicious, even the rice noodles and cabbage dish! CB asked how open I was to trying things I’ve never had before, and I responded that I’m hear to make the make the most of this opportunity. He followed up with, “So, you’ll try chicken feet?” I’ve never so quickly doubted my convictions before! Fortunately, the food we order was basic enough fare for a Chinese restaurant, so I didn’t have to prove my grit just yet.

Day 2: The Big Adventure

During the meal, ML mentioned that the “lantern festival” was that night, and that she’d be joining a friend of her’s somewhere in Beijing, TBD. CB mentioned off-handedly that there was a 4-story bookstore several kilometers away. My interest was piqued, but having no means of transportation, I kept my mouth shut. ML did not. She expressed serious interest in venturing out to the store, and I asked if it would be in imposition if I joined. After lunch, CB and RB gave us a rough pin location for the building, walked us over to a bus stop, explained to me how to use my transit card (Thanks, CG!!!), and saw us off on our adventure. At this point, it seems relevant to mention that, although I have two cell phones (my usual American one, and a Chinese phone bought secondhand from ES) (THANKS ES!!!), I don’t have internet access or any real means to contact CB or RB. I also don’t access to a map app (see: I don’t have internet access). As it turns out, ML’s access is hindered by the fact that her iPhone is apparently dated enough to not operate at full capacity with a Chinese SIM card. So she has spotty internet. SPOILERS: Her cell phone would die later that evening. #dundundun

The bus ride was uneventful, and we got off where we thought was should. Without the name of the bookstore or any solid evidence to suggest precisely where the bookstore was, ML then confides in me that she has frequently found herself incapable of finding her destination, wandered around for several hours, then given up and went home. My confidence was soaring. But, as they say, “When in Beijing...”

After finding a map of the surrounding area and comparing it to a screenshot of the rough-pin-location of the bookstore in question, I managed to match shapes cut out by walkways and roads and spot where we should be heading. The pin led us to a bookstore. But this bookstore had only one floor, although the building housing it had 20 floors and an elevator that looked out over the surrounding area. Needless to say, we rode the elevator for a moment before deciding to continue exploring. Stepping outside, we tried to reach CB...and we did! He gave us a more accurate pin and the name of the bookstore. Only one of those two things wound up being helpful.

On our way over to the new location (2 more blocks West), we stumbled on a developed “alley” that housed a wide plethora of shops, including....A BOOKSTORE!!! Dudes and Dudettes: let me tell you, this bookstore was amazing!! Check out the pictures below:

So cool! But this wasn’t where the pin was located, only had two floors, and when we scaled the spiral staircase, some 20-something employees started walking towards us and speaking in Mandarin. ML goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t speak any Mandarin, but we think we know what you’re trying to say. Have a nice day!” And we walked out of the store with our tails tucked loosely between our legs.

I was I could accurately convey all of the things I saw that struck me as fascinating while we explored this area of Beijing, but honestly there was just too much, and I can’t imagine you all are still reading this carefully, given that I’m not exactly giving the “Reader’s Digest” version of events. Or so you may think. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m doing my best to keep this short while still conveying how crazy this day was. And we’re only a couple hours into my afternoon/evening with ML. I applaud any and all who keep reading attentively. I’ll try to make it entertaining.

I will say that in this alley, I got stared down by a police officer. Mildly intimidating and recalled to mind the other intimidating visual to grace me. Just after checking out at the supermarket that morning, while I was packing the couple of items I had purchased into my backpack, I looked up and saw, for the first time in my life, 4 full sets of riot gear. Helmet, vest, nightstick (or whatever it’s called), and some sort of gun in a padded case. Sure, I know that I’ve been around those things before in my life, but never were they in plain view, seemingly on display.

After a few more minutes, a few more crossed streets, and pulling ML out of the way of a car that didn’t seem to care that she was there, we made our way to the pin’s location. And none of the stores around us bore the name of the 4-story bookstore. But we did find another bookstore.........and it turned out to be the right one! Crazy!! Of course, this was after trying out what we guessed was a calligraphy shop that seemed to primarily sell books? The words on the door were somewhat misleading. Anyway, let me tell you: in spite of being in a bookstore filled with words that I can’t understand, I still felt so calm and secure being surrounded by all of those books!

At this point, ML and I seemed to have figured out each other’s senses of humor and made frequent jokes and shared stores as we roamed the shelves, looking desperately for books written in English. After searching all four floors, some twice, we find a section with no markings nearby that happened to have some books in English. After looking over all of the classics (pretty much all they had), discussing the ones we’ve read, conversing about those we haven’t, we each picked one out to buy. I’ve seen Aldous Huxley’s A Brave New World referenced too many times in crossword puzzles and trivia questions to not have developed an absurd curiousity for this book I’ve never read. So naturally I bought it. It seems like a rather nice-looking copy, no artwork to speak of, but elegant in a somewhat formal-Chinese kind of way. It came to 26 yuan, or about $3.90. HOW AM I BUYING A BOOK FOR THAT CHEAP?! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?! *sigh* Well, I seem to be getting by without my Kindle fine enough for now...(THANKS AGAIN RS FOR SHIPPING IT TO ME!!! I’ll let you know as soon as it arrives!)

Day 2: The Lantern Festival

At this point, ML had heard from her friend who I will just call R (have yet to become privy to her family name), and we were given the name of the place we were headed towards: Happy Park. By now, it was around 4:15pm, and we needed to somehow figure out where Happy Park was, how to get there, and manage to not get lost in the process by 6:30pm. So we went for tea. The place we stopped in was what seemed to be a solid attempt at a German tea/coffee shop-slash-bakery. And I got a cup of English Breakfast Tea for 22 yuan ($3.30). Not the best deal, but I learned an invaluable lesson: just take a picture of what you want to order! So simple, so elegant, so effective!!! I was also by this time learning that most people make purchases using the main “social media” app, WeChat. In fact, many shops and restaurants don’t carry any cash as WeChat is just a more effective means of payment. You can link a debit card to your account and you’re good to go! (More on this in Day 3).

<I’ve been writing for almost 2 hours! Yikes!!!> <I wonder if I can get a book deal out of this...>

Without really knowing where to find a subway station, ML and I headed back to where the bus dropped us off, thinking at the very least we could head back to campus and the subway station there. (Also, for those of you who don’t know: I’ve never ridden a subway. Sure, I use RTD rails almost daily in Denver, but somehow this just seemed different. Especially given how many lines there are and that we didn’t actually know where we were going...) We found a bus heading back towards campus, hopped on, and almost immediately spotted a subway station. The bus didn’t drop us off for 2-3 more blocks...

After meandering back to the subway station, we found a map and lo-and-behold there was a stop dedicated to whatever Happy Park is. And it’s on the complete opposite side of town. #unethusedyay #adventuretime We plotted our course and hopped on the train without incident if you don’t count the pile of vomit that I would almost certainly have stepped in had ML not avoided it just before me! *phew* The subway itself was on par, if not nicer, than the trains in Denver, if only a bit louder. Confined spaces and all that. By the time we made our three transfers and got to the other side of Beijing, the sun had set, it was 6:20pm, and we had made it just in time! R met us at the station minutes after.

When we turned to see where we were headed, I was floored. Right in front of us with giant glowing words spelling out (in two languages) “Happy Park” was an amusement park that rivals some Disney parks in it’s show-y-ness. As it was dark, I can’t say precisely how big it was, but I was impressed. Tickets for entry were 145 yuan (roughly $20), which I fortunately had brought along that morning, not realizing precisely how crazy the day would get.

Once inside, R informed us that there’d be a show starting in a few minutes. We tried to find a spot, but the girls had trouble seeing over the heads of the people ahead of us. In fact, I had to stand on my tiptoes as most of the people in front of me were holding up their children, phones, and self-sticks. There was a small mound that almost certainly was not intended for foot-traffic, but nonetheless had a solid 75 people standing on 6-foot-tall trees. When we joined the crowd up there, hoping for a better vantage point, we were disappoint. That is, until ML decided to climb a tree. And I joined her. Naturally. I don’t have pictures of the entire show, sadly. I was too busy being floored and hoping that my one leg that was supporting my weight would hold up! I’m also not including them here as I have to format the videos. But stay tuned in the near future for videos!!

After the show, we wandered around the park for several more hours. I was quite impressed. And the food we got was quite delicious!! Small, fried potatos balls, and donut-hole sized balls loosely-based on a Japanese dish that I couldn’t possibly spell correctly, topped with dried fish. YUM! Check out the pictures of some of the attractions we saw:

This was the interior of an Aquariam-themed section of the park. It was a welcome respite near the end of the night, given that it felt like it was nearing 10F outside.

A Mayan temple, with a restaurant inside and, probably, a water-slide ride built into it? Hard to say. If only our phones hadn’t died and we weren’t so cold by the time we made it to the Athenian/Spartan-inspired section of the park! So many cool statues and buildings!

A still shot as 5 motorcyclists entered the arena after some drum-dancers! Stay tuned for videos of them riding inside the wire ball on the right! [Edit 3: the videos will likely get posted as gifs. Quality will probs be not great. One of them will involve the motorcyclists doing loop-stunts, and the other will involve a dragon-dance with dope fireworks. I didn’t get any video of the lion-dancers from earlier in the show, but take my word for it: it was dope as fuck. So much so that I don’t feel bad about dropping an f-bomb in this edit. I can’t possibly find the words after 3.5 hours of writing to convey just how cool this show was!]

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what this is, but it looked cool!

This was a small bridge, reminiscent of the bridges in Europe where people write their initials on padlocks and toss the keys into the river below. From what we could tell (thanks to R’s understanding of her native tongue), the pieces all talk about the love between family, friends or significant others.

After the Aquarium-themed building got us toasty warm, and it was ticking closer and closer to 10pm, we bee-lined it out of the park and back to to the subway station. Another three transfers, some more conversation, and we were back on campus. While on the trains, either to or from Happy Park, I don’t remember which, ML commented on how quiet I had been earlier that day while waiting for CB and RB before lunch. Given how quiet I was at lunch, she was understandably worried that the pattern would continue. If you know me, you know it just takes a bit for me to get comfortable and figure out how to talk to you. Needless to say, I told too many stories with a surplus of details in each of the bookstores, on each of the trains, and all of the time in between. I’m thinking ML is going to be a pretty solid friend these next couple of months, if I she doesn’t get sick of my stories first!

As I alluded to above, it was around 11pm before we were back in the Guest House. I was ridiculously pooped but not entirely unimpressed at how not-jet-lagged I was! I passed out soon thereafter and woke up for the third and final time around 7am.

Day 3: Merry Mart II, the Second Part

Alas, morning came; and with it came a surplus of energy to spent getting my life together in Beijing. I still hadn’t unpacked my luggage, there were too many things my apartment was still missing, and I didn’t have a reliable means of feeding myself as I had been warned (and witnessed) that many places just simply don’t carry cash. And naturally don’t accept American credit cards.

So I packed a small bag and headed out again. I stopped by Starbucks, attempted to order a Black Tea Latte from the girl who said “Morning” to me, and made the false assumption that this particular colloquialism implied English-fluency. I wound up with a regular Latte. Still good, though! After that, I made my way to the KFC near the Merry Mart only to find that this establishment is one described above. My cash wouldn’t do me much good there. *shrug*

In the Merry Mart, I grabbed several more bread-based food items, a microwavable meal in a bowl, another power strip, some gum, and more chips. Pringles. American flavors. Two cans of Guiness, and two bottles of hand soap. This time, I kept track of the price of each individual item so I knew how much cash to have ready at the register. This time went far more smoothly, and I filled my entire backpack with items that ran up to 134 yuan (~$20). HOW?! HOW AM I GETTING SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE I LOVE THIS!!!

Day 3: Getting my shit together

After that, my mind was set on opening a bank account to connect to my WeChat account. I reached out to CB, who graciously offered his assistance for a small amount of time. Ideally, this wouldn’t take too long. After all, he has plenty of work to be getting on with!

Well, the first bank we tried didn’t work because I’m not staying in town for more than 2 years. The second bank was more accepting. He translated exceptionally while I filled out documents written completely in Chinese. I was having an internal panic attack as I did something that felt incredibly wrong or anything. No, not at all. It’s totally okay to sign your name on documents that you can’t read. Yup, totally okay...

As it turns out, the bank would need to send me verification texts, so I gave them my phone number. But my American phone number wouldn’t work for them (they didn’t even try!), so after 30 minutes of waiting and 10 minutes of paperwork, CB and I headed down the street to get a SIM card and a cellular plan. Oh boy. All told, I think I waited for another hour there while CB got some work done; the paperwork and discussions took another 20-30 minutes. Once I had my phone situated, CB assured me that I could handle the rest of the bank stuff on my own as the staff would certainly recognize me and remember what I wanted. Plus, most of the paperwork was already filled out, right? Right? *sigh

The staff at the bank were less than enthused to find that CB hadn’t joined me. This was gonna be a blast, let me tell ya...

All told, I filled out twice as much paperwork as the staff scrambled to find a way to communicate with the moronic American who didn’t have the slightest idea what was going on around him. Of course, filling out this paperwork and determining exactly what they wanted and whether or not I wrote down the right things (i.e. understood exactly what information they were after) included 5-8 different sessions with several different employees, each with somewhere between 10-70 min wait-times. On the plus side, I’m almost done with Dan Brown’s Origin. Not his best work, but certainly entertaining enough to pass the time in a bank surrounded by people who probably would rather I not exist. To be clear, I don’t begrudge them at all; their service was impeccable, and their patience was never-ending, and the entire thing was significantly less annoying than it had any right to be, given the language barrier.

I left their establishment many hours later with a debit card, Chinese bank account, and the means to buy stuff wherever I wanted to go. And a significant amount of confidence that I can get through the next four months quite contentedly. Granted, I didn’t do nearly as much to earn this confidence as the staff at my new bank did!

After the fiasco at the bank, I went back to the Guest House, unpacked my suitcases, and laid down in bed to type this novella. That was several hours ago.

Convinced that I’ve had a crazy few days?

A coworker from Denver asked me how China has been so far, and I told him that it “[w]ent from shit to fantastic so damn fast.” Hopefully my long, rambling story has here has justified that claim for those of you reading this.

There was only one other day in my life that I can recall feeling as justifiably petrified as I did Monday night. I described the feeling as trying to wake up from a dream only to find that you’re wide awake. I was encouraged earlier today to remember that I don’t have to get through all 4 months of this experience at once; I just need to take it one day at a time. I usually don’t find these adages and idioms to be particularly helpful, but this one seems to be true.

In the future, blog posts probably won’t be nearly as long. Thanks for reading!

Now to finish this beer and book!

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

[dramallamadingdang]

Wee-plies.

Or, not-so-wee-plies, as the case may be, because, you know, me. *eye roll*

First of all, thank you to those who wished me a happy birthday in comments as well as to @kairisu and some anons in my ask box! It was a quiet day -- we’re celebrating both our birthdays this year with a cruise in August -- but it was a nice day, so we took the horses out riding in the morning. Then I got the usual phone call from my bro with the usual razzing about being older than him again. (We’re only 10 months apart in age, so for about seven weeks out of the year, we’re the same age.) I talked to all three offspring I birthed and to their SOs/kids, too, where applicable, so it was nice. :) Oh, and I yakked with my mother-in-law for an hour, but we do that quite often, anyway. She’s only a few years older than me -- the perils of having a younger husband. ;) -- so she’s more a buddy than a mother-in-law. :) (She called to tell me she’s sending me birthday tamales, yum!)

BUT ANYWAY! These are for @katatty, @didilysims, @alawren4ever, @catnip-sims, @deedledops, @criquette-was-here, @penig, @tamtam-go92, and @immerso-sims...

katatty-main replied to your photo “iCad Does Urban Planning. AKA: iCad Is Nuts.  Buuuuuut, on the plus...”

oh, i love seeing this sort of thing! always gives me a ton of inspiration :)

Yeah, me, too. So, that’s pretty much why I shared the image, to maybe give other people some ideas AND in the hopes that they’ll share those idea in turn. I kinda love how Simmers feed off of each other that way. :)

didilysims replied to your photoset “This morning, because my hand needed a break from painting hair...”

Ugh that stupid disappearing Maxis bridge. I thought your monorail bridge looked kind of cool, honestly. :)

The monorail bridge is growing on me. It works best on that particular suspension bridge, though, because then the train doesn’t smash through the girders. :) Can’t really say the same for the others, but we just ignore that on the other side of town. *cough* In any case, though, it IS better than the endless monotrail track magically hovering over water, so there’s that. :)

That being said, I HAVE crossed bridges that were shared by road and train traffic where the train tracks ran above or, more often, to the side of the road-deck. Which probably isn’t often the case since trains and vehicles don’t often share road/track beds like that and most often railroad bridges were built before large, modern bridges for automobiles, but it’s not TOTALLY unrealistic. 

And yeah, I totally hate the stupid Maxis bridge. One, it doesn’t always fit in with the look I want for a neighborhood. It’s often too modern or not-modern/urban enough. Two, it isn’t visible from lots, which often looks stupid. Three, you can’t get rid of the damn thing other than by “sinking” it below the terrain in SimPE. And then four, after you sink it, you still can’t modify the terrain around where it was, so it might not be suitable for a replacement deco-bridge and....ARRRGH! Hate it hate it hate it.

didilysims replied to your post “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

The curse of this open game!

IKNOWRITE??? It’s hell playing this game. HELL, I TELL YOU! :)

alawren4ever replied to your photoset “So yesterday, I posted about this fire hydrant object that randomly...”

Very cool that you can control the level of traffic by the number of hydrants!

It IS cool. And I didn’t find out that it can work that way until I accidentally had more than one on a lot when I was trying to figure out why the remeshed one I made was invisible. SERENDIPITY! :D

But it makes sense, I guess, because the “calls” it puts out to summon a vehicle seem to be randomly timed, not at regular intervals. So, if you get a bunch of them on a lot, each putting out calls at random times, rather than all at the same time in the same time intervals, it makes sense that the traffic level would increase with the number of objects on the lot. I shoulda thought of that sooner, really.

didilysims replied to your post “Info and testing things RE: the number of visitors that show up at...”

Ooh I've never see that mod to up the lot visitors before. I'll have to give it a try. Thanks for sharing!

It works pretty well, although it does have its pitfalls. The obvious one is that you might have to experiment a bit to see what “level” your machine can handle without the game lagging on you. The other is if you play community lots of widely variable size. Like, if you put in the mod that ups the visitors to, say, 25, that’ll be fine on a big community lot if your machine can handle it, but not so fine if you have any that have a “1″ in the size dimensions, where you’ll end up with an overcrowded lot full of stomping, complaining Sims who can’t move. :) 

I kinda wish there was a customer/visitor-number adjuster that could be used on ALL lots, not just owned ones........Although maybe that object can be used on regular community lots. OOOOH EXPERIMENT FOR SCIENCE!

catnip-sims replied to your photoset “This morning, because my hand needed a break from painting hair...”

I like parking filler lots too! I recently came up with a 1x3 lot with just a bunch of bushes along the street & a big "YOUR AD HERE" banner, lol. It looks nice from the neighborhood view :D

THAT IS A GREAT IDEA I THINK I WILL STEAL IT THANK YOU! :) Except now I need to make banners. *growl* And maybe billboards, hmmm....

deedledops replied to your post “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

This, but a whole neighborhood tailored to each specific thing with a special downloads folder I can switch out for each theme. But I know if I did it I'd want all the Sims to know each other next

Yeah, “ whole neighborhood tailored to each specific thing with a special downloads folder“ is kind of how I play in general. :) Only I use separate user accounts on my computer, each with its own Documents/Sims 2 folder tailored specifically for it because I don’t trust myself to put in the right folder before I load up the neighborhood I want to play. (Did that once with the wrong neighborhood deco loaded, and POOF! All the painstakingly-placed neighborhood deco in that neighborhood was gone. NEVER AGAIN!

But yeah, how I play is pretty much this: Step 1: Come up with idea/theme. Usually, this happens like a bolt out of the blue, things just blooming fully-formed in my head, just like how story ideas happened to me back in my fanfic-writing days, so it must be how my brain works. Whatever the case, it’s very jarring. Step 2: Create an unnecessarily complex rule set for playing out the idea/theme. Step 3: Create a complex spreadsheet to use to keep track of the neighborhood. Step 4: Build a neighborhood around the idea/theme.  Step 5: Play the neighborhood. 

Currently, I have some neighborhoods that are at each step of the above process. :) Often, steps 2 and 3 happen concurrently, and sometimes steps 4 and 5 happen at the same time, all BACC-like. But not always!

criquette-was-here replied to your post “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

@dramallamadingdang ***laughs for a second and then cries thinking of road and terrain DR project*** I feel your pain,lol! @immerso-sims you actually can (I'm on mac) ***cries even harder***

*laugh* Yeah, this is probably a pain that all serious simmers feel at least once in a while. For some of us, though, it’s more like a constant thing. Chronic pain. *sigh* :) So then you’ve got all these ideas but not the time or stamina to work on/finish them all.

penig replied to your post “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

Alternate between play and projects. You'll get Better Ideas as you play anyhow. Also, projects are play if you choose to do them.

Yeah, that’s pretty much how I do things, in general. It’s just that sometimes my brain/imagination is particularly fertile, and I get lots of big ideas that require big projects all at once, and it all gets a little overwhelming sometimes. It’d be nice if the brain kind of spread out the big ideas a little more....

tamtam-go92 replied to your photo “Let’s call this a “Cool CC That I Think Everyone Ought to Have” Post....”

THIS is just amazing!!! #things you didn't know you need until you see them

Right? I was surprised (but also kind of not-surprised, because it is a really old object) that more people didn’t know about that thing. I only learned about it a while back because of a stray post in the MTS forums that mentioned it, and fortunately that was at a time when the Graveyard was working reliably. I don’t often bother using it in less-densely-populated neighborhoods, but it does add a nice touch when playing downtowns.

immerso-sims replied to your photoset “I needed a bit of a break from hair retexturing and alpha-painting and...”

Looks great and I really like the idea. Looking forward to following the challenge :)

I’m not sure I’m going to document it, unfortunately. When I first play one of these ideas I get in my head, I like to see if it’ll actually work the way I think it’s going to, first. So, the initial playing is more like a dry run, where I’m still experimenting and coming up with new ideas and tweaking the rules and such. I have played the first batch of “runaways” through three seasons, and three of them have “escaped” from the vacant lot into better housing, one of them skipping the “livin’ in the slums” stage entirely because she married someone who came with a ton of skill points, whose LTW career came up in the newspaper right away, and who got a bunch of job promotions one right after the other. I haven’t decided yet if it was all too easy! *laugh* I should probably take out the “no friends needed for promotions” mod when playing this, now that I think about it. And maybe I shouldn’t even allow marriage when they’re still homeless -- because who wants to marry into that?! -- but she got “risky woohoo” pregnant on a date, and.... Well, anyway, I plan to play these initial four for a while, and once I have them all established so that I know everything works, I’m going to add a new group of “runaways” for a less-dry run, and perhaps I’ll document them. 

Anyway, I might post some highlight pics from this first batch of runaways, and maybe I’ll write up the rules once I know they work. I mean, you don’t HAVE to build an elaborate downtown to play this way or anything. It can be just a mini-challenge that you play within something else...although longer lifespans kinda help with this, at least with the rules I’m using. Anyway, the downtown’s just something I’m doing because I want to, and it seems to go along well with this rule set idea.

[simnovels-blog]

So many replies!

You guys are overwhelming me!! <3

First a general reply to everyone reading about the colony because I feel like I should explain my choice for Hunter considering all your comments. In the end there were two very simple reasons I chose Hunter instead of Davey:

1. Violet rolled no wishes regarding Davey but she did roll a wish to go on a date with Hunter.

2. The morning I wanted to make a decision Story Progression prompted me a message that Davey was now in a relationship with Yasmine Aozora. I could’ve broken them up of course without including that into the story, but since I already had such a bad time choosing and because of the date wish, I decided to let the game lead me!

One more thing: the poll did not influence the choice since the chapters published today were written earlier this week before the poll was online. I’ll let you guys know right now that I have 15(!) chapters on queue all the way to december 30. So for example if you comment something right now, don’t expect to see it influence the story the day after or something like that. In all honesty you guys have very diverse opinions so I just go my own way and write what I think will make you guys go FJSDGFSJKFGSDJK in both good and bad ways lol. I hope that those who are suffering right now will forgive me <3.

Now, to the individual replies! --->

@goatkibble replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 6 - Violet’s Journal So about the answer to the...”

Stupid woman.

I added this reply last but further down the road of this batch of replies I kind of agree with you on this lol.

@ktarsims​ replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 5 - Violet’s Journal Oh journal, where do I start?...”

Katie sounds like a good match for Davey, possibly.

I think they would be a good match indeed. Though Davey seems to have found Yasmine instead as I just explained above...

@stepawayfromthecarrot replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 6 - Violet’s Journal So about the answer to the...”

Noooooo ��

I’m sorry! Blame the game! Don’t blame me! :P e.e *hides*

@ktarsims​ replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 6 - Violet’s Journal So about the answer to the...”

Ouch. Although, I can't disagree with her. Lopsided relationships are not good. And this relationship would definitely have been lopsided. It'll probably be better for Davey if he ends up in a relationship where he won't be absolutely dependent on the other person.

I completely agree with this statement.

@dandylion240​ replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 6 - Violet’s Journal So about the answer to the...”

I thought the vote didn't have anything to do with the results. Doesn't matter thought I voted for Hunter. Just because he seemed the most interesting. I am sad that Davey got his heart broke though.

Yep, that’s right. The vote didn’t influence the outcome as I explained above. I feel very sad for Davey too. He really is the kind of guy you’d almost date just because you want him to not be sad lol.

@rosiesimming​ replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 6 - Violet’s Journal So about the answer to the...”

*throws hands in the air* You are dead to me, Violet. >.> HOW DARE YOU HURT THAT SWEET MAN. A pox on everyone that voted for Hunter. A pox I say!! XD

You can direct this anger towards the game haha not towards the voters they had nothing to do with this e.e.

@rosiesimming​ replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 5 - Violet’s Journal Oh journal, where do I start?...”

Violet and Dimitri = bestest friends till the end! XD

I think they could have a really nice friendship, though I’m going to give you something to wonder about: do you think Dimitri is the right person to ask love advice from? e.e

@goatkibble replied to your post “I just wanted to say all your comments on my colony have given me...”

*tantrum brewing*

I’m scared! Forgive me plz. *blames the game and runs*

@kyranyx​ replied to your post “I just wanted to say all your comments on my colony have given me...”

Kkk you reminds me how I used to act as a dungeon master

Having your readers get all worked up over the events in your story is the best feeling for a writer, don’t you agree? :P

@stepawayfromthecarrot replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 3 - Hunter’s Journal Today was a holiday for all of...”

Dislike! I can see him getting mean and bitter if she goes with someone else though

Mean and bitter Hunter... we’ll have to see if he has a side like that!

@rosiesimming replied to your post “I just wanted to say all your comments on my colony have given me...”

;)

I hope you keep reading even though I made you suffer D:

@stepawayfromthecarrot replied to your post “Man I just went through a total nightmare! I’m going home for...”

That sucks! Hope everything is okay!

I hope so too. My dad will check it out after the christmas days are over.

@goatkibble replied to your post “Man I just went through a total nightmare! I’m going home for...”

It might not be as bad as you think...

yeah, my dad said the tower can take a hit, but you should’ve seen it fall from my bike onto the hard stone street... people turned around to see what happened. And of course my stepdad put some fear in me saying that IF something broke, it’d probably be the harddrive -_-.

@goatkibble replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 3 - Hunter’s Journal Today was a holiday for all of...”

And he seems to think substituting 'passion' for true romance and respect is the way to a woman's heart. I know Violet needs to explore her options but this isn't a good choice.

Violet still has some growing up to do. She’s young, naive and childish and not the kind of girl that has gained such wisdom in love yet unfortunately. I used to be like her and I used to fall for guys like Hunter too. I got my own Davey now though! But who knows maybe Hunter is nicer than you imagine him to be.

@rosiesimming replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 3 - Hunter’s Journal Today was a holiday for all of...”

What are you doing!? No, I refuse. If Violet picks him, she is dead to me. XD

Well... oops D:

@goatkibble replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 3 - Hunter’s Journal Today was a holiday for all of...”

"Oh yeah, I wouldn't mind this bird since the others aren't up to my standard." So romantic *eyeroll*. And I was right. He IS as boring as he is pasty.

You’ll get to see a lot more of him in the following chapters and I’m really curious to see your thoughts on him! heheheh....

@goatkibble replied to your photoset

“The Year 2239, Day 2 - Davey’s Journal Oh my… I know I don’t have any...”

You COULD invite her to hang out with you on your free day you know.... but let's face it, you are going to get your heart broken in favour of Captain Boring :(

I guess you were right about that one...

@ktarsims replied to your post “Some more replies”

It's possible that people like Hunter better because he's a blonde white dude. However, he's also the only other dude who seems to be possibly rather decent, a bit less calculating, and to be a bit more genuine than some of the others. Additionally, he has kind of a 'bad boy' vibe 'but not too bad' going on that tends to appeal to a lot of people. Even his name lends to that sort of thing.

Very true indeed! Hunter is like a more confident Davey though this also makes him a bit more superficial. With Davey, you’re instantly in a very deep and serious relationship. Hunter is a bit less overwhelming and for some (including Violet) this can be a good thing.

@ktarsims replied to your post “Replies!”

Wait, was there an actual poll? LMAO I thought there was just the post and we posted our picks. xD *goes to look for actual poll*

Lol :D did you get tricked into replying that way? :P

@ktarsims replied to your post “Man I just went through a total nightmare! I’m going home for...”

Oye oye. *sends hugs* I hope everything turns out alright!

Thanks <3 <3.

@rosiesimming replied to your photoset “The Year 2239, Day 2 - Davey’s Journal Oh my… I know I don’t have any...”

YAS :D

Aww look, at this reply you were still happy! *laughs evilish and then runs away scared*

@dandylion240 replied to your post “Man I just went through a total nightmare! I’m going home for...”

I have my fingers crossed that it's fixable or at least you can retrieve your files.

Me too! D: We’ll see after Christmas.

@stepawayfromthecarrot​ replied to your photoset “Poll time! Who would you like to see as Violet’s spouse in the colony?...”

John screams fuckboy, dimitri also a fuckboy (plus don't get on scarlet's bad side haha), jerry would make a great best (platonic) friend but not exactly chemistry there. Hunter is okayyy but I'm not super feeling it yet. Although we haven't seen much of him yet so who knows! Davey does feel like the obvious choice (although I'm sure you'll always make it interesting no matter what!) but i chose him, i think he's the only one at this stage who genuinely cares about her

@stepawayfromthecarrot replied to your photoset “Poll time! Who would you like to see as Violet’s spouse in the colony?...”

More importantly, i can see her and davey totally getting together in a "normal sim world" instead of feeling forced to shack up with someone for procreation. They can be their genuine selves and so they can like each other for their real selves. Also can we TALK about davey's bod?!?!? Yeeees violet get it gurl

Haha Davey is very handsome indeed, but Hunter has quite a body as well, did you check it out? ;)

[christophersymes]

Celebrity Status

Celebrity Status, an ongoing L(G)B(T)+ story also on Wattpad and Quotev.

<– Previous / Next –>

Chapter Four

A month later, Jules had been down for a while. His depression was in full swing, with a baseball bat full of nails, directly in his face. He'd hardly even made it to class that day, let alone online, and hadn't even gone to work yet and felt like crying. It was taking a lot to do anything, and he felt awful because he wanted to talk to Not-Elías so bad, but couldn't think of words to say aside from

good afternoon

. And he'd hardly spoken yesterday or the day before either. He hated it.

Mason had been hearing less and less from Jules the past few days, even though he'd been sending an embarrassing amount of messages. Jules did message back most times, but when she did she was curt and sounded... off.

masonfucker1000: jules

masonfucker1000: hope ur days going okay

masonfucker1000: hey what if humans were like bees and we had smth like a fucking stinger and if we killed someone w it we died and it was the only legal way to murder

masonfucker1000: i was hanging out w some friends and we ended up playing nerf guns and i somehow got a foam bullet down my pants

familyjules: ah, the only other thing you've ever gotten down ur pants.

masonfucker1000: hey are you okay? im kinda getting worried

masonfucker1000: if someone else threw a salad at you ill kick em

familyjules: afternoon, not-elías.

masonfucker1000: afternoon!! FINALLY!! juliet hath emerged! hey what's been going on???

♦️

Juliet.

He called him Juliet.

Jules froze, staring at the message, feeling tears pricking at his eyes. He hadn't told him, no, but still... He was Jules. Jullian. Anything except Juliet.

He stared at it, then grumbled to himself. "Juliet. Not. Fucking. Juliet." He got out of the truck and slammed the door, angry now that he even had to go to work. He stood by his truck, still staring at the message, then accidentally threw his phone on the concrete in the parking lot and stomped on it.

Then he realized what he'd done. Fuck. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. God damn it! Whatever." He picked up the pieces and pocketed the SIM card, telling himself he'd just buy a new one tonight after work and ship it to his house. He was enough of a dumbass already.

He tossed them in the dumpster as he went inside.

Mason frowned when there was no reply. An hour passed, even. Nothing.

A day.

masonfucker1000: jules? are you okay?

Jules was still upset, and still had no fucking phone.

Two days.

masonfucker1000: jules, please if i did something just talk to me

And a day after that, he was still upset, but at least he had a phone.

Three. Jules had never gone three days without at least a half-assed two word message.

Whenever he was home, he just stared at the message, fuming. Not-Elías had called him Juliet. He had to know him somehow, then, and by his deadname.

On the third day, the anger got bad enough he ended up messaging.

familyjules: how the fuck do you know my name and why are you doing this

Mason had been having lunch with the band when he got the message. He dropped his slice of pizza, mouth still open in shock. His eyes widened, and he excused himself, muttering under his breath that he'd be right back.

masonfucker1000: shit dude, what? juliet?

masonfucker1000: I just sort of guessed that's what it was short for

masonfucker1000: what do you mean???

Jules scoffed, opening Rabbit as fast as he could and sending Not-Elías a link.

As soon as he entered the room, Jules glared at the camera.

"My goddamn name is not Juliet, so stop calling me that. I don't know who the fuck you are, but you must know me and want to get to me now for some reason, so just... fucking stop being a dick—"

Mason gaped at Jules as she immediately started yelling and threatening at him. Jesus fuck.

"—and tell me the truth before I have to figure it out myself and beat your fucking ass. I'm not in the goddamn mood to be led on some goose chase and deal with bigots like you or deal with people who hold some stupid grudge against me. Leave me alone if that's the fucking case, or I will figure shit out and do something."

Not-Elias: jules geez

Not-Elias: holy shit

Not-Elias: i dont understand why youre so angry but im sorry if i pissed you off okay?

Not-Elias: i wont call u that anymore

Not-Elias: message me when you've calmed down

Not-Elias left the room.

Jules was still angry when he left the room. He ended up closing it too, only to reopen it later that night, as well as the fansite. He private messaged Not-Elías a link, promising in some garbled text not to yell again.

familyjules: rabb.it/familyjules pls cone ib i promize not to yellll i midd u

familyjules: misa u

Mason had been thinking about.... whatever that had been with Jules. She'd called him a bigot and talked about grudges. And Juliet was a definite no. He had a theory he was a bit too freaked to think much on. He frowned when he got a just barely comprehensible message. God, was Jules crying or something? He immediately clicked the link.

Jules was leaning back in the chair, pouring himself a shot from the bottle of vodka, singing a Nosam song along with the YouTube video. "Not-Elías!" he exclaimed, speech a little slurred, grinning. He leaned forward too fast and spilled half the shot on his shirt. "Whoops."

He downed the rest to prevent more spillage and then took a sip of Coke. "Hi, I wanted to say I'm sorry for earlier and yelling at you because it's obvious you're not anyone from high school because you're good unlike them. They couldn't even fake it. And I wanted to explain— I'm trans and I was bullied, and I miss you a lot but I've been sad a lot lately and it's cold and cold is triggering and I'm gonna drink more now." He poured himself another shot.

Mason's eyes widened in surprise at the state Jules was in. And then he was concerned. Very concerned.

Not-Elias: is that vodka?

Not-Elias: careful!

And then he froze as Jules spoke. Trans.

Fuck. So, okay. Mason didn't know himself that well after all. That's fine. It was okay. He tried to convince himself of that even if he felt a little nauseous and increasingly out of control.

He'd been such a dick when he was younger. Defensive, reckless, disrespectful, not caring about anyone else and keeping emotions bottled in. He had pretended to be confident, created a version of himself for everyone else and believed it. And once he'd been called out by so many, by Chris, he'd realized what he'd turned into: this sexist, queer-phobic prick, like a jock straight out of a movie.

He worked so hard to figure out why and relearn how he thought about things, about people, thinking about things he said to make sure he wasn't hurting anybody. He spent so much time learning himself inside and out. Actually starting to like himself for once, no more surprises. And even if his chest was aching and he couldn't breathe from hearing Jules say that, he knew he liked Jules a lot. He knew he had to deal with it.

He wasn't straight.

But he didn't know what to think— his own secrecy had been different— but— of course they weren't dating, and online— and Mason couldn't possibly pretend he knew what being trans was like. Whatever reason Jules had had for not telling him was probably a good one, even though it hurt. Mason realized he hadn't responded, and frankly didn't know how.

Not-Elias: okay

Not-Elias: youve def been drinking too much

Not-Elias: jules

Not-Elias: why didnt you tell me?

Mason paused, biting his lip. He didn't want to sound mad, but he was kind of upset. And he deserved to know why, didn't he?

Jules knocked back the shot, then leaned forward to read his messages. "I said I was bullied... They did some online too and I'm super scared about the fansite being a lot of people who could gang up on me sometimes—" Jules's lip trembled a little and he shook his head and touok a deep breath. No crying in front of Not-Elías.

"I was scared when I started thinking more and liking you, 'cause you were new and different and I was having fun talking to you, but you said you were cis and straight and it was actually real hard to even tell you I'm bi. And it's okay if you don't like me now cause you're straight and I'm a dude, I understand that."

Mason frowned at how Jules looked close to tears, instantly angry at everyone who'd hurt her— who'd hurt him.

His stomach turned as he thought about all the times he misgendered him. Oh God, he suddenly felt really sick. All of those shes and hers crawling up his throat.

Not-Elias: oh jules

Not-Elias: no i

Not-Elias: i like you

He bit his lip. Get over it, Mason.

Not-Elias: i guess i'm just gay. go figure

Jules wiped at his face with his shirt, then remembered there was vodka all over it and pouted a little, staring down at it.

Whoa, there was a flash. Mason's breath caught. He definitely saw a nipple and— fuck. But, oh God, was Jules drunk.

Not-Elias: listen do me a favor, baby, no more shots, yeah?

Not-Elias: put the vodka away

Yes, it felt a little weird calling Jules baby for a moment, knowing he was a guy, but it still felt right. Mason was fucking gay.

Oh, poor Andrew. All alone.

Jules read the messages and wanted to cry even more. He felt so silly for hiding it for so long, especially if it was going like this. "Are you sure?" he asked, staring at the messages.

And then the few about the vodka came through and he pouted, though he was blushing a bit at being called baby again. "But I don't wanna. Tomorrow's my day off and drinking is fun!" He grabbed the bottle, cradling it against his chest. "'S like my baby."

Not-Elias: im sure

Not-Elias: a hundred percent

Not-Elias: even if youre a complete mess

Not-Elias: and you've drunk

Not-Elias: youre drunk

Not-Elias: too much more and youll be poisoned

Not-Elias: ill be your baby instead

Jules grinned, leaning forward. His leg was bouncing now. He set down the bottle. "All right," he said. "But you're my baby now. You gotta come hug me."

Not-Elias: nice okay thank you

Not-Elias: u should drink water if you can

Not-Elias: oh i want to. i will

Mason hated this, not being able to talk to Jules. Especially when he was in this state. He needed comfort, and Mason wanted to give it and— damn it, he wished he could just turn on his camera. Maybe he should. He seriously considered it and— no, not right now, when he was drunk.

Jules tuned into the music again and gasped, grinning. He sang along a little, nodding and getting up to get water like he was told, completely forgetting he was in just a tank top and underwear— not even boxers, just underwear. He came back still singing, then lifted the water so Not-Elías could see it. "Water."

Mason whined a bit as Jules stood up, looking away a second later, staring at the tour bus ceiling. Why did the world want to be so generous yet so cruel?

Not-Elias: and you said you're not a singer

Not-Elias: good! drink up!

Jules grinned, taking a drink and leaning back a little in his chair. "Oh—uh— is there anything you want to listen to? Or watch?"

Not-Elias: uhhhhhh

Not-Elias: spongebob?

Jules nodded, opening up Amazon Prime and attempting to search for it. He misspelled it a few times, but got it in the end. "Oh, this is the best episode," Jules said, grinning and hovering over the Bubble Bowl episode.

They watched one and a half episodes, during which Jules had moved from the chair to his bed, putting the laptop on the chair. Mason honestly wasn't paying all that much attention to Spongebob. Jules was so cute, his drunk commentary endearing.

At some point Mason realized Jules had fallen asleep. He smiled, eyes going soft.

He barely thought about it when he turned on the mic.

"Goodnight, Jules."

Jules, fast asleep, groaned a little. "G'night," he mumbled. "Lub you."

Mason's heart jumped to his throat.

"Jules? Are you awake?"

He blushed hard, cheeks hot. He probably wouldn't mention that part to Jules in the morning.

"Nuh uh," Jules hummed, pulling the blanket over himself better. "'m sleep."

Mason laughed lightly. "Really? Sleeptalker, huh? I'll let you sleep. Talk to you in the morning."

Mason had turned off his mic and hadn't even noticed he had fallen asleep.

"Mason? Why're you still on your computer? S' the middle of the night."

Mason jerked awake, blinking as he looked at Jules on-screen and then at Chris on the top bunk across, leaning over the bed and frowning at him sleepily.

Mason sighed, rubbing some sleep out of his eyes. "I think I'm gonna tell Jules," he said.

"What?" Austin grumbled from below Chris, turning and blinking wildly at Mason. His wavy hair was sticking up in all directions, like static or that kid from Meet The Robinsons.

"He said he's gonna tell Jules," Andrew growled from above Mason, grumpy from being woken up, but listening, blankets tugged tight over his otherwise naked body.

Chris supported his chin on his hand as he tried to get a better look at Mason's face. He was serious. "What changed finally?"

Mason sighed, panic returning as his brain turned the lights back on and told him he was supposed to be freaking out. "It keeps getting harder. And we didn't talk for a bit and— last night— tonight he— he's trans. And he was drunk— "

"Wait— "

"Did you say— "

Mason groaned, dropping his face into his pillow. "Don't--"

Andrew wheezed from above him. "Fuck."

"You're— "

"I get to say it! You dumbasses got to come out," Mason whined as he sat up. "I'm not straight. Probably, uh, pan."

Austin started laughing sleepily as he leaned up on his elbow to properly make fun of Mason.

"I saw it coming," Andrew mumbled. "But fuck you."

Chris bit his lip worriedly. "Okay, but remember when that one fan gave out your number and address even though the address was fake, but you had to change your number and— "

Mason sighed loudly. "Yes, I remember."

And he did remember. He'd thought about it quite a bit, all the worst case scenarios. Jules being pissed off at being royally catfished and outting him to the world in the worst way possible, or Jules being way too happy and outting him and not really caring about him, or Jules just completely cutting him off in shock and outrage. Mason shook the thoughts away. "Jules isn't like that. I just— I want her— him to know, I'm sick of lying."

Austin shrugged. "Okay. Your choice, man. Go for it."

Andrew hummed in agreement, giving the idea a thumbs up that Mason didn't even see, already falling asleep again. Chris sighed and smiled, "I'm sure you're right. You're a good judge of character."

Mason smiled, "Thanks."

In the morning, Jules woke up to find he'd fallen asleep on Rabbit with Not-Elias. He smiled, nuzzling his face against the pillow. He was so cute. So good. He remembered getting drunk and telling him everything, and he'd taken it in stride, just accepting...

He sighed, staring at the icon of Mason on the screen. He wished he knew him. This was just making him want to date him more, though he knew his own rules and didn't want to break them. It felt kinda shitty to feel like that, though, especially since Jules wanted to just... live, really, but it felt like there was always something holding him back. He wiped at his eyes, realizing he was crying a little. God, he was so pathetic.

Mason woke up again to see that Jules was awake. He smiled, then noticed he seemed kinda sad. Mason got up, washing his face and brushing his teeth, looking at himself in the mirror for a moment. Well, he looked as good as he usually did, he guessed. He guessed? Fuck. He was nervous. He groaned and put on a hoodie, yawning as he walked past the bunks and sat down, putting his earphones in.

Not-Elias: good morning! how're you feeling?

Jules jumped a little at the message tone, wiping his eyes again to make sure any trace of tears was gone. He disguised it as sleepy rubbing his eyes and smiled. "Morning, Not-Elias. I feel..." Jules considered telling the truth, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He settled on one thing. "Hungover. Kinda tired. My head hurts a little. How are you feeling?"

Not-Elias: a little flipped upside down, honestly

Not-Elias: but uh, overall, pretty good

Not-Elias: okay, actually im a little nervous

Not-Elias: hey

Not-Elias: do u know what would be cool

Not-Elias: u should play me some bass

Jules smiled. "I'm glad you're feeling okay, though. I mean— What happened is... a lot, probably. If you need to talk, I'm here. And you really want to hear me play right now? I— uh— okay." He leaned over, picking up his bass from the stand by his bed.

"I wonder if I can play it laying down." He plucked a few strings, then shifted his hands to play it. He laughed a little. "I guess I can... God, you have no idea how many times I've dropped this thing. I'm shocked it still plays." He lifted it up, grinning.

Mason smiled, watching him fondly as he grabbed the bass and played around with it, rambling and laughing. What was he even going to say? 'Hi, I'm not Elias, I'm Not-Elias, with a dash' or 'I'm Not-Elias, AKA Mason Hill AKA masonfucker1000 AKA an asshole?' or even 'Hey, it's Mason, please don't be mad at me or post about this?'.

God, everything he could think of was woefully lame. It was like his nerves had turned him into Chris.

"There's actually a really bad scratch somewhere on here, I think it's on the back... I dropped it when I first got it because my parents told me some shit, I don't even remember what, but it scared me. Oh— oh, I think it was when my grandpa died. They told me and I just... dropped it. It's funny now, because like... y'know, that was my grandpa, but— "

Mason couldn't take it any longer. He moved the mouse, cursor hovering over the camera icon. It seemed easier to do it when Jules was occupied, it made Mason less nervous than when he was looking at the screen. He turned his mic on first, then his camera, smiling. "Uh, hey," he said softly to get his attention. Hey wasn't exactly what he had wanted to say first, but fuck it. His heart was thumping in his ears.

[magic-magpie]

Forever Yours, Prompto

Sheesh, I haven’t been on in a while. I just haven’t had the motivation to write or anything, and so I kinda stopped going on Tumblr ‘cause then I’d feel bad for not writing. Not that I need to write, but I want to. But I’ve finally written something! I’ve gotten hella into FFXV, and Promptis has become my favourite ship of the series (I guess that was to be expected... the character dynamics are strikingly similar to my OTP of all time). I just love they way they interact and the brilliant, wholesome friendship they share! And yes, I do wish they’d be more than friends. Idk, I just feel like they’d be a really awesome couple. I’m not past Chapter Eight yet, though. But anyway, have this little Promptis fanfic I wrote! It’s an idea I’ve wanted to do for so long, but I’ve only just now been able to execute it. First time writing for FFXV, so my characterisation’s probably not perfect. Prompto’s incredibly similar to America from Hetalia though, and I write America frequently enough, so hopefully the characterisation works! Words - 1,883 Also, imagine the strikethrough stuff to be like actual scribble-outs.

Dear Noctis To Noctis Hey Noctis Hey Noct,

Okay, so, um, I’m writing this in the dead of the night outside of the tent using my torch ‘cause why not, eh? I mean, I don’t WANT to write out here (it’s cold and dark and SHIT I THINK A SPIDER CRAWLED ONTO MY ROCK FUCKING SHIT I JUST MOVED TO A TREE STUMP HOLY SHIT IF I WOKE ANY OF YOU GUYS UP I’M SORRY OKAY NOW WHERE WAS I) but writing out here where none of you know I’m writing is kinda safer, don’t ya think? (haha that transition tho) If I was writing some poetry or story or whatever I wouldn’t have to hide it so much, but it’s... not that. D’ya remember when we DID do that kinda stuff, back in high school? We’d make up lame-ass stories on the rooftop at lunchtime, trying to make weirder and weirder ones. I remember, my favourite was the one about the boy named Alaric Wrye who was actually a wolf in disguise and would sneak out every full moon to howl at the night but then his parents found out and so he was sent to the Wolf Institution to become a fully-fledged wolf and had to take a whole load of wolf tests and shit and then when he finally became a wolf he was crowned King of the Wolves and everyone had to bow down to him and – 

I kinda just realised how WEIRD that story is.

I think your favourite was the one about the small ant who wanted to be a super-duper famous singer so he made a rock band and started playing in gardens and stuff but then he grew enough of a following to start doing world tours and basically this small ant band was like hella famous in the human world but because none of the humans could see him properly ‘cause he’s tiny he took drugs to make himself massive but the drugs kinda killed him so he died as a massive-ass ant.

Yeah, that’s pretty weird too.

...Why am I talking about stories again? I’m not even WRITING a story. I’m writing a letter. To you. You’re not ever going to see it, but it’s for you.

Man, this is weird.

Well, I guess you’re wondering why I’m writing this, huh? Well, you WOULD be, if I gave it to you. But I’m not going to. I guess Ignis would call this a waste of his paper, but it’s only one sheet!

Okay, maybe it’s a little more. But STILL.

...Am I EVER going to start on why I’m writing this? I SHOULD, but, like... even the thought of WRITING it makes me nervous. Writing it would be like... making it definite. Absolute. Certain. That kind of thing. Currently, I can still pretend it’s not happening. I can still pretend I’m not thinking these thoughts, I’m not feeling these feelings. The thought of putting it down, of writing it in stone (or, well, paper) makes my stomach go all weird. Y’know how people talk about getting butterflies in your stomach? Yeah, I’ve got a whole KALEIDOSCOPE (yup, the word for a group of butterflies actually is ‘kaleidoscope’! I found that out, uh... two minutes ago).  

Having a kaleidoscope of butterflies inside your stomach is a WEIRD sensation, lemme tell ya. Like, imagine if EVERY time I hugged you the kaleidoscope started fluttering wildly and made you feel the things those protagonists of bad dating sims feel (although it’s impossible to be as cheesy and awful as that ‘Namco High’ dating sim. God, that was HILARIOUS. And terrible. But funny. I can’t believe we stayed up all night playing that shitty-ass game. We could’ve played King’s Knight or Mario Kart, but nope, we play shitty dating sims.).

...I just gave it away, didn’t I.

Anyway, as I guess you’ve guessed (or WOULD guess if you were actually gonna read this), I... love you like you think you’re hot want to date you want to kiss you want to just do stupid romantic stuff with you

Ah, fuck.

Okay, now I’m ACTUALLY going to say it. Just... gimme a minute.

Well, I just walked around the haven about twelve times and scrunched up the paper and threw it and then ran to get it back and almost got into a fight with some daemons but here we are.

I’m gonna say it. I’m gonna say it. I’m gonna say it.

Look, Noct. You’re my best friend, and the best person I know (don’t tell Ignis and Gladio). You’re funny (sometimes unintentionally), nice, fun to be with, and have really great hair. I guess it was only natural that I... started to like you.

Not like as in friend-like (although I still like you like a friend too), but like as in... like-like. As in, I want to go on stupid dates and randomly kiss you and cuddle when we have to share a bed and stroke your hair and give you flowers and wear each other’s clothes and touch our foreheads together and do those nose bump things and just do everything I’ve wanted to do for years now.

There. I said it.

...Why don’t I feel better? Why do I just feel WORSE? That wasn’t supposed to happen! I was supposed to confess everything into this letter and then I’d feel unburdened and I’d be able to finally let go of these goddamn feelings for you!

Oh. Right. It’s because I’ve liked you for years and my stupid heart’s become too attached to you.

I looked up stuff on how to get over your best friend, but it was all pretty unhelpful. They were all telling me to distance myself for a while! Um, no thanks. First of all, I don’t WANT to distance myself. Like I said, you’re the best person I know. Why would I want to spend any less time with my favourite person?! That would just be... boring. And second of all, I can’t distance myself, even if I wanted to. We share a TENT.

So... yeah. I like you. I like you too much, and I KNOW I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it! I’m really sorry, but I... just can’t.

I want to tell you upfront, I really do. But I don’t know whether you like me back. Sometimes I get these little feelings that you do. I dunno, sometimes I just catch you looking at me with this odd little smile on your face and then you’ll suddenly look away... or sometimes you’ll be a bit more touchy-feely than you need to be... and you tend to gravitate towards me whilst we’re walking... and you always seem to be closer to me than friends should be in a tent. But then, well, I’m probably misinterpreting all that because I so desperately want you to like me too. It’s confusing, isn’t it?

And then, well, if you don’t like me back, confessing to you would just be a dick move.

YOU wouldn’t class it as a dick move. Hell, you’d be pretty chill about it. But... I would. You’ve got so much on your shoulders right now. King Regis was murdered, Insomnia fell, Jared was killed, you’re going to get married, we’ve got to take back Insomnia, you’re pretty much the King... the list goes on. I know you, Noct. You’d feel guilty over rejecting me, and it’d weigh on your mind more than you care to admit.

Especially because, well... ‘cause you’re getting married.

I don’t know if you love Lady Luna, I don’t know if you love me, I don’t know if you love anyone at all. But I do know that you’re getting married to Lady Luna, not me. And if I ruined your special day with a stupid confession, I’d hate myself for it. It’s your special day where people are celebrating your marriage. That’s a day that’s supposed to make you happy, and it will, even if you’re not in love with Lady Luna (and if you are, then you’ll be on Cloud Nine!). She’s your friend, and you’ll be happy with her. I don’t want you to look at me on your wedding day with pity, I don’t want you to look at me and remember that I’m not enjoying the day as much as I should be.

So I’m not going to tell you how I feel. I’m just going to... just going to bottle it up and act like I always do!

Although, I get the feeling that my normal actions don’t cover it up well. I mean, I don’t think YOU’VE guessed (you’re kinda as emotionally-perceptive as a rock), but I feel like Ignis has, and maybe even Gladio. They haven’t said anything, but, like, I dunno, they just give me these... looks, sometimes. Like, I’ll just be leaning on you whilst playing King’s Knight and Ignis will just kind of... smile? It’s a small, tiny thing, but he still does it, I swear on the Six. And then I’m SURE that both of them just sorta... glance at me whenever we start talking about your wedding. I might be imagining things, but... I swear I’m not. So, like, I try to remove suspicion. Whaddaya think all that stuff with Cindy is? Yeah, she’s cool and nice and pretty hot and would probably be fun to date, but it wouldn’t be half as awesome as dating you would be. I just gush over her so that you’ll actually believe I’m head over heels for her instead of, well, you.

Come ON, we’d be so awesome together! We could go on dates to the arcade and order pizza at three in the morning and stay up watching shitty movies and I know we already do that but we could do it as boyfriends instead of best friends and I just 

...Sorry. Haha, I’ve gotta work on keeping my fantasies in check, huh?

...I wish I was the one getting married to you.

Okay, right! I guess that’s, er, my confession done then! I’ve written my feelings in a letter addressed to you which you’re never ever going to read, and so I should stop wanting you so badly!

...I’m never going to stop, am I?

But... even if I’m never going to stop liking you, I’m still going to be your best friend. I’m still going to do stupid stuff with you and take funny pictures and loudly sing terrible songs at one in the morning. I’m never going to be the one who you kiss, but dammit, I’m going to be the greatest best friend ever! And on your wedding, I’ll be the best best man Eos has ever seen.

Because loving you means accepting that I’ll never be anything more than a best friend. But it also means finding happiness and enjoying the special bond we do have.

Well, that’s that. I was going to throw this away into the lake, but... I think I’ll keep it. Just, don’t wear my jacket, yeah? And ESPECIALLY don’t check my front pocket. I’m warning you, Noct!

Love From Yours sincerely Best wishes Forever yours,

Prompto ✌ 

P.S. Sorry about the wet patches. They’re... not rain.

[juliusjxxw694-blog]

The Most Influential People in the naughty dating sites Industry and Their Celebrity Dopplegangers

I guessed I'd make a video clip with this because to the simple fact that I'm seeing it happen over and over and repeatedly. Um dating programs are somewhat fun. They are actually good for meeting people. I met with a few people on vacation programs along with also one. I'm currently just talking for you and see where it moves from there.

I have been around MeetMe Scout. I don't believe light is definitely considered it relationship nonetheless. hinge. Fumble lots of Fish tender and Babu all those programs plus it evidently you'll find people who pretending to be somebody they aren't and they are fake profiles Galore. I am actually into a single. That is how I achieved all his title is.

Um biggest thing I can say is make sure you meet the individual inperson. Or video something to learn they're real if they don't really that is major big large large crimson that you need to just block them as you're perhaps not even be well worth your time headache and whatever you do never ever provide these guys money don't do that as it is seeking trouble and definitely not offer me your bank details God.

I used to be dumb enough to do so this and guess what happened wound up my on-line entry be shrunk since I had been moving through personal issues and also, I think it's because I was lonely during the full time and that I had been falling all it frankly , I drank lots. Therefore that's most likely why I had been dumb enough to do this.

But um failed to capture a superior approach to meet people also it's interesting to use and to consult a range of unique folks. They're but you got to bear in mind there are persons available pretending me a few they aren't like online romance Gamers. They may take random pictures of all people. And pretend for them it truly is horrible and it's really sad and the major thing you want to be on the watch for is whether they asked one to move on to hang outs that is a huge red flag.

That means that there are skimmer and you also shouldn't expect him at all. Okay, and as for military people extends they will have real military IDs and they have a true military e-mail which entered scatter mil. Plus they can also video. They really don't desire your cash. They when they go on make that you don't need to cover them or believe a fiance forms.

That's all bullshit. It really is lies. Ok, http://andresxvdf696.edublogs.org/2019/10/18/addicted-to-naughty-video-chat-us-too-6-reasons-we-just-cant-stop/ also if his daughters is just like sick sick or anything military care of those. They do not want your funds. Do not want your dollars. I don't and for book of Praise. You will see like examples of why never to give your bank information along with examples of the reason you shouldn't simply help pay for stuff and everything.

I suggest that this cameras may like well, hey, I need money because of the fact that there's these very little that little girls and needs a heart transplant also this also it is bullshit. They simply want your funds. They'll declare they adore you in just a few months or less. I am talking about you do know that these folks you have met in person.

And when I informed her freaking argued together at the end of this. He was simply like nicely like dude, you stole money from me personally and my parents. You'll find absolutely nothing you may say that will ever make me move straight back to believe on your bullshit. You're probably just some stupid scammer Nigerian and I really don't need any component of it.

Also the block switches really so convenient and that's the reason why I closed my Google+ account due to the fact he kept about becoming if you ask me personally and getting me. And that I will have another person due to the fact I want to watch these so stay protected. Ok meet in person. Um, what else did I really do? Ok public place versus properly. I meanyou don't know these guys.

So with a few of the people I meet up with me I met in a public location and then I got to understand like Hey, he is really the guy in my own or her profile. So you know what? He's actually another person. I really can speak with he isn't a man feign to be somebody he isn't he doesn't require the money. No Thing like that and it's way different for your requirements can not perform long distance.

Just like I have I've achieved long distance ahead of and I am like no, I'm not gon na na do that . I am talking about you do not need a bogus relationship using a fake guy do you know, and they could say fine things and mention that are coming. But if you pay for a plane ticket, they will most likely likely not reveal up.

Okay, do not expect them if you don't meet them person inperson. Ok meet men and women personally because that's not the sole for sure method to learn they're them. Okay, and that goes for oil catalog folks. I mean, they aren't going to want your hard earned money for anything. They are surviving in what is paidfor honestly.

I mean, I don't know anything concerning petroleum replacements, but I guess they have enough capital to take care of his physician sure as hell do not want your assistance at all. They create more than enough income to take care of on their own. Okay, so they require money iTunes GiftCards anything. Just just just block em block em and rescue yourself the trouble because practically nothing should come for it also and it's really perhaps not a real relationship and also don't fake before you so will help establish to me proved to me.

He'll not I was under the belief that he would prove it to me personally and he never did. He only kept making excuse after excuse paid for money so they is able to access our telephone number. Oh, I forgot a few components you have made and also we finally have the sim-card exactly what goes on the entire takes it away. Due evidently they observed his frequencies .

It was pushed up. He was never going in the future here. He lied after which in the event you would have experimented with that he would have had as general or anything make up any crap about not achieving so. They're all fake fake fake fake. And that I have to also any other big documents do because I've also seen a lot of additional stuff that claims that they have been imitation stay safe.

And should you meet somebody on vacation apps left him a locally. Please meet up with them locally make sure you can see them personally as the distance item will drive you mad. I can't get it done I burned myself time and time again. I can not do distance. Okay, I received Id have someone local there as I'm depressed or sad or using a brand new day on the job you know, I would need some body with my own side.

Ok, okay. So yeah, just a few methods to inform if they're scammer. Honestlythey bad English they say Instead of I am they will also like move matters overly fast. They'll ask for the money. What else will they perform?

They'll go too quickly. Ok they will proceed extremely rapidly. In fact. Plus they'll soon be fine and inform you that which you think you wish to listen merely to get your income and utilize you. Please do me a favor match people in person stay protected. And when you have a mobile in the online dating web sites nice, however at the same time just be attentive.

Ok, do not give him the money give a few dollars. You haven't met in person. Ok, or whatsoever. The truth is that I am talking about, they should have the ability to take care of themselves or they ought to take you to a date. Which makes you want only chose him pay for you to consider a necessity to take one on a given date. Okay, but look for a raven goes to become interesting because of the truth that it has actually matters from a reallife stammered which I've spoke to plus it surely will have a few tips at the end to remain safe online plus it's going also have my narrative mainly because I think that would be.

Very very essential do want for folks to see exactly what did everything they went through and it is going to even go through money-laundering because it truly is after all that I must not truly brag about that. But yeah, I didn't know I had been doing this. I thought it had been innocent, but no it was not innocent in any respect, and it might have possibly get me prison time, but that I didn't go to jail for it thankfully.

And I told the bank what is going on plus it even detective dude. I filed a fine I-II record everything. Therefore yeah, don't be stupid don't ship them cash and you can find a lot of troopers out there. Regrettably with fake profiles and it's not their fault. Oahu is the people driving the profiles that the men and women who steal their profiles and convey it is them plus it's really not and there are a lot of methods to inform they're not called colleagues.

They're called conflict . Also should they say things about C AMP and that's powerful, I think that it's bullshit because a lot of the days they are in buildings that are actual. Ok, and there is absolutely nothing like a senior man also which has been made from bullshit. He also would have explained if he was not E3 E4 E5 or some of these military stipulations , you would have done that or he would have already been as a team sergeant now, I bear in mind hmm team sergeant.

Or his MOS ask him to get his MOS. In the event that you fail to answer this, he is a scammer. One of the dudes I spoke to was like, oh, so I am not likely to inform you I have friends who are military. It is like I know exactly the tricks you guys are getting to be yanking and stay meticulous query . Ok.

Effectively, they're untrue profile. It's possible for you to question everything and person. But is just a different story just get to understand these and take it slow do not jump to things. I'm bad custom of jumping in and look that's got mepersonally. No, do not do it. But um, I hope you liked this film also I can not wait until book speed for Praise is revealing to individuals I'm working on this.

Therefore it probably can take me a opportunity for you to until I print it. But , I'll see one of that the next video stay protected comments. Follow me on Twitter contribute to my own videos. It has only a tiny bell icon. That means you're never going to skip a video clip and should you have any experiences using these scammers simply put these in the reviews do.

You know exactly what make everybody conscious of that it create everyone aware of signs to look on it and everything else, and I will notice you in the next movie. Bye.

A SUPER UNIQUE Spin:

I guessed I would earn a video clip with this on account to the simple fact I'm watching it occur again and again over and repeatedly. U M dating programs are somewhat all fun. They truly are actually fantastic for fulfilling individuals. I met with a lot of individuals on vacation programs along with also one. I am now only talking for you personally and determine exactly where it moves from that point.

I have been around MeetMe Scout. Idon't believe light is genuinely believed it relationship nonetheless. hinge. Fumble a lot of tender and Babu every one those programs also it seemingly you'll find those who faking to be someone they aren't plus they truly are bogus profiles Galore. I am actually into a single. That is the way I satisfied all his title is.

The largest factor I could say is be sure that you satisfy the individual inperson. Or video some thing to understand they're real should they don't really that is major big large large crimson that you must si