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Oh right I said something about giving my opinions on the expansion so uh, I guess I should start writing them out now.
Obiviously spoilers for the entirety of Dawntrail MSQ!!!
Tbh I don't know where to start iuefhiuefh.
Uhhh graphical update turned out nice! Out of the 3 of us, me and Shu kinda questioned if the update even happened since Hawu'li and Dre were virtually same as before, and Nana (player) kept mentioning how cute Nana (character) looks now. My only complaint is that Hawu'li's eyes are like one or two shades darker than they used to be, and I'm currently kinda debating if I want to bother using fantasia to fix it.
Enviroments look nice, and while I'm yet to go to many of the old areas (I sent Shu to go look at Il Mheg while me and Nana sat in que and it looked very nice), new areas are gorgeous! All of us literally screamed out loud when we noticed that the grass bends when you touch it haha. I'm also personally fan of the little tilt thing mounts do now if you strafe - it's very satisfying and I keep strafing around just to see my bike or flying mount tilt (❁´◡`❁)
As for story: I'm genuely surprised to see posts that some people didn't like it? I wouldn't call it my favorite expansion, but to me the story was good and the characters enjoyable. Only thing I'd complain about is that the pacing is very funky at times: first few areas are fine, then it slows down to a crawl, then speeds up very quickly to again slow down to almost complete halt before things pick up again. I still fail to care too much about the "cowboy area" - it felt very disconnected from everything else. Kinda same with the moblin area, but at least that place had some connectivity to the competition (+ the kidnap plot).
Meanwhile the "blue area" (sorry about the terms iauefhhu I don't have game open rn and I am chronically incapable of remembering any names) felt rushed: we wander in, no one wants to talk to us, then suddenly the big antagonist up till that point just goes "hey uh our culture's fucked, if you wanna change it I'll help". Imo that could've used some more time. Maybe have the Wuk Lamat instance happen earlier, and have the big lizard man think about things a bit longer, just to make it feel like he didn't change his entire worldview in like, half a quest.
As mentioned, cowboy area felt incredibly boring to me and I honestly don't know why. Catboy tribe was fine - I'd rather go spend more time with them. Their whole thing was pretty rushed, and while I have a small feeling that they'll be part of the patch storylines, I'd liked if we had been given a bit more time with them before things went to hell again.
Heritage found, Solution 9 and all that was better paced and the storytelling there was great! Like seeing one of the npcs forget about the old dead lady within seconds felt very horrifying. Shu and Nana haven't gotten that far yet (I finished the story on my own after returning home), but I remember spamming groupchat with "what the fuuuuuck that's so fucked" and stuff like that lol. Attack on Tuliyollal too, I think I have a few screenshots saved of npcs I noticed crying after dead loved ones on the streets right after it. Devs did great job portraying how scary the entire thing was.
What else uhhhh.... oh right the last area. Absolutely gorgeous again, and I do get the lore reasons, but damn does it suck having the areas go all lifeless if you want to finish story. I was looking forward to taking pictures there in the future :/ I did try and take some quick shots everywhere before going forward, but I'm sure I missed something. Probably have to get new game+ to that point when DT gets added there just for more screenshot locations.
This is already getting long but idc I'm rambling about characters too. Erenville sweet baby boy I am so sorry the entire last half became a personal nightmare for you (┬┬﹏┬┬) But we got to see him smile! Like actually smile not just tiny smirks! (I should have screenshot of that too lol) They better not write him completely out after this, I wanna go on adventures with him - something that doesn't leave him traumatized maybe.
Also pushing every Wuk Lamat disliker out of the way to hang out with her more. She was a very fun character, and I loved the fact that she actually went and did things on her own, not waiting around for WoL to save her every time like many of the npcs tend to do. She and Hawu'li are besties now.
Green G'raha Koana was a positive surprise too! Smart and a bit snobbish catboy who's bad with his feelings, but makes effort to learn and grow for his people and sister. Absolutely loved him getting very angry when Wuk Lamat was in danger - nerdy cat can go little feral, as a treat. Definitely added into Hawu'li's ever growing polycule - not into his bracelet yet, but they defenitely kissed during msq and probably started (casually) going out after.
Sphene... I really like her dress lol. Uhh I personally felt she was very sus from the start, but I feel like Hawu'li would've not picked up on those. Her plan would've come as complete surprise to him, and made him very very sad. Hawu'li's very "there's always a way if we just try hard enough" type of person, and being told that it's either having everyone else in the universe die or having the Endless die would've seriously got him feeling down for some time. Being a WoL means killing people to protect others sometimes, he knows that, but still. Luckily he had people there with him, who will keep supporting him, but he'll most likely need a little vacation after all this. (Luckily the Tuliyollali inn room is perfect for that haha)
Aaaand lastly, some random thoughts all tossed in no particular order since I can't ramble in the tags:
"This old man (Ketenramm) has more HD face than all of us combined D:" - me
*him saying something about being more than a guest to Gulool Ja Ja* -> me, quietly whispering in vc: "old man yaoi..."
Whomst the fuck did Zoraal Ja get his kid with??? There wasn't a single other lizard in Solution Nine, and I don't remember seeing any in Heritage Found either. Hell, none of the Alexandria flashbacks show any lizard people either. Did he just get some random hyur lady off the street? If yes then what happened to her? Did she die in childbirth? Got killed by Zoraal Ja for whatever reason?
Tiny jumpscare when milalla lore started saying stuff about "calamity that froze everything" and "came from somewhere else" and I, for a tiny second, feared they'd give some canon lore regarding Sixth and I'd have to go rewrite bunch of things in my own lore for the place. (luckily saved by msq mentioning the most likely came from source)
Happy that they gave us the alpaca mount for free! It's so adorable.
Sad that I had to use 7,5mil gil to get the purple bike mount 😑 I mean Hawu'li is swimming in money since I rarely buy anything (last "big buy" was that golden sheep), but muh money. At least it's a neat mount
They really went "you feel like you aren't needed healers? say no more, heal checks for everyone!". Last time I had to sweat that much on trial fight was Zeromus - DT made every trial pretty intense to heal.
That last trial holy fuck my brain is NOT big enough for it. I somehow survived with only one death (we wiped within like first 30 seconds lol), but god it was so stressful
Dungeons were generally neat, but I noticed a distinct "fuck mages and anyone with long cast times". So so much movement in almost every fight.
"En Avant saves lives" is true for the whm dash skill too. That skill is the best thing we've gotten in ages, it's saved me so many times when I notice I'm in wrong spot at the very last second.
SCREE BOSS! I was so happy when I save it omg. The boss before that sucked but seeing scree made it all better. (Our party immediately went "scree!" in chat lol)
Haven't seen all dungeon drops yet, but craftable/vendor gear is a bit meh. Happy for people who like those Mad Max bondage sets, but I'm not a fan. 98 gear being recolored Ironworks gear was not on my bingo list, but at least the healer top was nice for the few levels I wore it during leveling.
Login ques haven't been too bad! Idk how it goes on NA servers, but on Lich longest que I've seen after the launch (right after launch we had 2,8k que) is like, 40.
Dungeon ques were nonexistent on whm during msq, but now that I'm trying to level dps I regularily get 40 minute waits. Kinda debating if I should just switch to sch and level summoner with that, then swap back and learn to play it on like last dunegon or something.
Fates seem to give like half a mil exp (exp boosted ones give double iirc), so I've just been doing them while sitting in que.
Yet to try picto or viper but they look fun.
Azem mark on the key thing just before the final fight made me immediately think about Eleos coming to help his lovely little shard again 🥺
Koana has very nice jp voice, but I can't shake the feeling I know it from somewhere. Apparently I managed to get a screenshot of credits where his VAs are shown and *jazz hands* his seiyuu is Kaito Ishikawa. So it's probably his role as Iida (BNHA) that I'm recognizing since I've been watching bnha while eating for past few weeks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh right and since I mentioned that N'jinh would go with Hawu'li this time: I'm slowly putting everything together after MSQ but I think he'll come along right from the start. Tural catboy lore doesn't fit him too well lol.
#neri.txt#dawntrail spoilers#it's very long iuefhf sorry#i'm probably forgetting something but ehhh it's long enough as is#ah also i've only looked at war whm smn and sage after changes#so ones that had barely nothing change#very jelly for sage to be getting aoe dots tho....#i want one too :c#ah also kaito ishikawa voices tsumugi (enstars). kageyama (haikyuu) and even thorns (arknights)??#AND kasen kanesada (touken ranbu) who incidentally was my starter sword back when i still played tourabu#originally i wanted to add a pic of lvl 100 hawu'li here but uknow what it's not a spoiler so i'll just post it on it's own later
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Blyke in Season 3.
This is my prediction. With the way Season 2 ended, I think they’ll find Blyke months later looking something like this.
Shit happens to people in prison. Terrence was murdered in his cell, Rein was worried about being killed by other inmates, hell, Blyke’s already pretty banged up in the finale and he’s been there for 2.5 seconds. Not to mention that the Authorities seem to have no problem torturing kids *COUgh* Keon.
Perhaps it’s a bit pessimistic, but the story’s been getting a lot darker lately. I doubt Blyke’s getting out of prison without a little extra trauma at least.
Latest Chapter as of Prediction: Side Story — Triple Threat (1)
#blyke unordinary#unordinary#Prediction#Drawing in my diary again#art#unordinary spoilers#normally the spoiler warning is at the top but not this time bc it’s an image post#I changed his expression so many times#I was going for that resigned kind of dead inside look#At first it looked too angry#and then it looked just like nothing#totally nuetral face#then it looked too sad#like he was gonna cry#and then I got this#many more iterations along the way#Was worried about damaging my paper the amount of times I erased his eyebrows#Tbh I think I still fucked it up#Also I spent awhile on the background and you can barely see it#could’ve just made it gray ngl#I also spent a long time on this band of light on him#like as if someone had opened a door and light shined through#but I got rid of it#Waste of my DAMN time smh#I’m rlly proud of the hair though#Shit happens in Lovun Prison#Is all of that blood his? Who knows.#also I drew all those cuts in different stages of healing be proud of me#This was supposed to be a doodle/warmup I did NOT expect it to take all day#Ngl Im really glad I turned my sketchbook sideways for this one bc the lined paper reminds me of prison bars like this
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The amount of people who don’t know caffeine is a drug is insane. I told my anti-drug adhd coworker who drinks coffee every day “you know that’s a drug right” and she was like :jawdrop: you’re kidding right…. Yeah there’s a reason you “don’t feel good in the morning until you take it” it’s called ADDICTION
#it’s so easy to teach people the signs of addiction why don’t we teach this in school#if you take a brain changing substance and now require it to feel normal instead of it being uplifting I have something to tell you#I used to drink 2 diet cokes a day every day for weeks#and then one day I ran out and thought nothing of it#then I started coming down with flu-like symptoms and could barely function or move without being out of breath#I figured out why and then had one coke and suddenly felt like a million bucks and cleaned my room#it’s fine to use caffeine but jesus christ these kids don’t even know what the signs of addiction are
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some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
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i hate my face it needs to be softer and i hate my body it needs to be sharper
#there is nothing in the world i wished i had more than a smaller/rounder nose#why is that thang genuinely V#<#>#^#every direction sniffin#i want to bury my face in things and not impale them#i hate the way it looks when i smile#somehow it gets even bigger#and more downturned#and my body well . at least thats easier 2 change#im so hyper aware of how much i weigh i hate the number being known it makes me want to cry i feel too exposed#its like it being a secret keeps me safe#even though everyone can see my body anyway#if i just have that then im safe no one can hurt me#what if the number makes them see me differently#what if it changes the way i look in their eyes like it does in mine#what if the dysmorphia streaks out past just me#i know its stupid n realistically it doesnt matter at all but i am so Scared i am terrified#i hate my ed i hate everything it holds over me all the time everyday#every time i look at myself im different#n im worse#and no matter how much i suffer its never happy#im so sick rn im in pain but all i can think about is at least im not eating at least its stopping me from eating#i just want to be different i want to be anything else#i feel like im always going 2 be stuck as the grossest thing in the world#ill never get the chance to look at myself n see anything but that#i want to be better. i do. i want to just move on#im so tired. but im So awful looking. & everyone has always made sure i know it. made sure im lesser and i am#ive never had a real friend. theyve always hated me n kept be barely around because they feel bad for me. n just told me how bad i looked
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My review of Miraculous Ladybug S5 so far is that it has a lot of scenes that I like in theory, but in action just end up being very silly and way over dramatic
#that being said. i love them all the same#genuinely obsessed with this show#but man it handles everything in such an odd way#they always spend so much time talking about nothing for the first 75% of the episode#and then the last 25% hikes up the drama to 100 and its always so abrupt#'illusion' is an excellent example of this lol#that episode had such a strange and sudden tone shift#its bizarre that the episodes are 22 minutes long but still barely manage to say anything#this is all technically criticism but make no mistake. i wouldnt have it any other way#this is truly the peak of miraculous ladybug. this is what it should ALWAYS be#so far i dont think theres been an episode where ive been particularly BORED. theyve all got a little spice to them#which i appreciate#well. i kinda didnt like the first 2 episodes. those were just a lot of running around#but everything after that has been exactly what i wanted#tldr: the pacing is weird and i wouldnt change a thing#my notes document on this show is up to 8 pages. ive never had as many opinions on a show as I do this one#im a certified miraculous stan
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pretending
#johan (oc)#ambrus (oc)#original character#original characters#artists on tumblr#digital art#sketch#doodle#my art#oc art#ambran is just:#someone who is so good at completely changing herself to blend in (johan)#vs#someone who had an inescapable part of who he is that he can never be anything but that (ambrus)#this is why they dont work together fundamentally theyre way too different#ambran rant 2#things no one cares about ooogh#a god (johan) who has to appeal to the masses to even be a god in the first place#a necromancer (ambrus) a being that is defined by death and nothing else matters#woahhhh boy#tumblr really gets the juicy details about these guys#i only will ramble like this here i feel like im allowed to be pretentious abt my own characters here lmfao#basically; johan’s outfit is heavily modified to a traditional wedding outfit#while ambrus’s outfit is barely modified#woaghhh symbolism in my oc art ?!??!!?! jk i always put symbolism in my oc art
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bc its been bouncing around in my head i think another little tiny grievance i had with totk is that i got to the end and just felt a sense of ‘well what the hell was that all for then’
#salty talks#like. ok. look at me. do you ever think abt how link loses an arm but absolutely nothing comes of it#it was basically just an excuse to give him powers and there was nothing actually done with yknow#him losing an arm. or how the light dragon thing didnt really have any long lasting consequences#and generally like. i had to think for a moment to remember why the hell she did that#what was her purpose in the past again???? what did she accomplish actually??? oh right the fucking sword#its like. i get to the end and like nothing has changed it all resets to zero it barely even feels lile a change#woth the other races pledging loyalty like the past (gags) bc barely anything abt hyrule changed between those two times#mineru leaves. she was a lot of wasted potential. nothing CHANGED it all just reset back to the status quo#no one learned anything i feel nothing new or interesting just oh hyrule is good :) it all feels so hollow#like you go on this big adventure and then at the end you dust yourself off and go back to doing basically#exactly what you were doing before that all happened like nothing happened. thats how it felt. what was the point#yeah sure new zonai stuff but that never sinks in its not important to the main narrative so it feels like nothing#it just. felt like there was no real point to the adventure except to affirm that yeah the past was perfect keep doing that#while none of the characters actions really have any lasting weight to them and they barely feel involved#i need to stop i can feel myself wanting to keep going lol. link losing his arm but the game not at all engaging with it is frustrating#totk salt#like to me it’s an issue bc its a long game with a lot to do but when you reach the end it just rings so fucking hollow#the main story/narrative equivalent to all those fucking collection items where the prize is a useless fucking token
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i was right :((
#this sucks actually#basically ive been getting bug bites#from some mystery bug im allergic to#and based on a few things i assumed it was fleas#why else did it keep biting me? it had to have some benefit & i know im not allergic to mosquitoes#+ i knew it couldnt really get to me under my covers#i knew it was small bc the amount of bites increased but i never spotten anything#so fleas#BUT my parent apparently checked my cat for fleas whilst i was at school and found nothing#shes not very likely to get fleas bc she doesnt really get a chance to#she barely interacts with the others bc we have to keep her separate#if we dont one of our cats keeps fighting her#and she hasnt gone into the garden once#i change clothes after getting home usually so its not very likely she got them from those#anyway all this means shes been suffering for a good bit and i didnt figure it out#i did notice something was off#she kept trying to eat a poisonous plant and got really bothersome with it#but i also got that one really recently so i thought it might just be the plant#mine#cats <3#it has to be fleas or some type of mite on my cat
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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I thought today was a good one..
#just some vent art idk#vent#vent art#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#the initial start was unclear#i got ready for my class like usual and my dad's mood was entirely unreadable#usually in these situations i have an internal debate thats goes something like#“is he in a good mood? is he in a bad one? is his eye irritated again? maybe he's still waking up?”#its a 50/50 kinda deal#sometimes he's emotionless until right when im dropped off and he says “have a good day! love you!” in his nice way#today there was nothing#i just got out of the truck and just as i was closing the door i barely heard a “love you” in a monotone voice#i thought nothing of it bc i did some work before class and my mood lightened#afterwards i went to the lounge and they were doing another event thing that offered free food if you did it#the food was greek food so i figured it wouldnt hurt. i got the food#it was awesome ngl and it really made my day better#then dad picked me up....#he was still unreadable but i could tell his patience was low just by the way he was driving#its crazy and kinda sad that i can immediately tell what mood he's in even through the most mundane change#but about 5 minutes into the ride my mind was a racing mess. i kept asking questions#trying to gauge what mood he's in. he wasn't projecting or groaning like he usually does so o figured maybe he's just wanting to get home#to my surprise we didn't immediately gi home: we went to his old work (family owned business)#when we got there I can't describe the relief i felt to be with other people. especially my grandmother#i did some refund stuff while we were there. dad also seemed to lighten up and things seemed fine#but when we got back in the truck it was back to being tense. we still didn't go home- we went to the bank so he could cash a check#but otw there he mentioned his birthday is this Saturday. i said i knew and that I'd be happy to spend the day with him if he had something#planned. bc id loke to spend time with him on his bday instead of my Granny's Halloween party (which i still enjoy but yknow.. dad)#there's an awkward silence and then he just goes “i guess based off your silence you're not interested in what i have planned for my birth-#day?“ perplexed i said ”i am- im just waiting for you to tell me“
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.
#currently crying because I'm alone with my husband's 94 year old grandma and I'm the only one who ever lets her talk about certain topics#so she just talked about her childhood and youth for one and a half hours#which means. the war#I'm not gonna go into it but it makes me cry every time even though I've already heard it all before#how can you not cry about a child who lost two of her teenaged brothers and had to watch the third one very nearly die too#the stories about how careful they had to be because the police constantly went to every house and checked everything#how they had to hide some of the milk from their cows so they could make butter because they couldn't afford to buy it#and how dangerous that was.#idk I'm so tired of people dying over senseless and unnecessary shit forever and ever and nothing ever changes and no one ever seems#to learn from it#or at least the ones in power don't#as long as there's disposable people (men) to send to war it doesn't matter. and now that's not even necessary anymore you can just kill#people from far away and. I'm just tired#and I'll shut up now and not talk about these things again as usual. it's not because I don't care it's because it (literally) drives me#insane to think about it and I know it's weak and pathetic but I have to choose to stay just barely sane enough to stay alive#can't stop crying. 🙃#anyway. shouldn't talk about it so. bye
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I'm so tired
#not to come on here just to complain and feel sorry for myself especially because i know things are so much worse for so many other ppl#but as hard as i'm trying it's hard to believe things will be okay i'm trying so hard not to fall into defeatist attitudes#but fuck man. fuck. it's not even that i'm surprised or anything it's just. man#i want to curl up in a ball and just be comforted and cry and be upset but i can't do that and i have no one to do that#my worker's comp payments aren't coming through like they're supposed to and i have like ten dollars and barely any food in the apartment#my injuries aren't getting better the pain is still there even though i'm doing everything i'm supposed to#my meds aren't working but meds have NEVER worked on me and i keep hoping and praying some day i'll find one that will but i fear they won'#i have more psych testing in january but a part of me worries about doing it because if (when) i test positive for certain things it will b#on my record and considering..... the state of things i worry about what that means for me and my autonomy esp regarding anything medical#i still can't convince any doctors to take my issues that are almost CERTAINLY endometriosis seriously and again.... given the state of thi#i find it very hard to believe that will change and will in fact only get worse and i will never be able to get any kind of sterilization o#hysterectomy and if something ever ended up happening and i DID get pregnant well. it would not be good for me#i feel very alone and like i need to and must handle everything on my own but i feel like i'm about to break doing that#and then this. this. this this this this. i know it's not fair to be upset about it. like i said things are so much worse for so many other#but fuck dude. fuck man. mentally i have not been doing good recently and nothing has happened in my life to really help that recently#i want to go back to being so repressed i genuinely felt/believed i was emotionless this was not a good year for the dam to break#i told my therapist the other day that i feel like a toddler. i was so repressed and emotionless for as long as i can remember#so i never learned to deal with big ugly and overwhelming emotions. so i react as a child still learning would because i never got the#chance to learn how to manage them and FUCK MAN i feel like i'm losing it#i know it's important to do what you can and not fall into overly negative mindsets but that's not something i was good at anyways#and now it's even harder but i'm trying. fuck dude i'm trying so hard i want to be hopeful i want to do what i can#i don't want to hate everything and jump immediately to wanting to kms or destroying my whole life because what's the point#i just. holy fuck. man i need a minute to breathe and i wish i had someone physically here to hold me and tell me it's okay#but i don't have that so i'll be a big girl and sort myself out like usual and just hope i don't break yet#i'm gonna go watch anime and try and read fic to distract myself but mannnnnnnn i feel like i'm losing it#kaz rambles
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drawing more furry fnaf art. yknow just to keep you posted. i love posting in the tags sorry these ones got away from me
#sammy is a brown bear (like freddy). his mom is white like funtime freddy#then crying child is blue (like bon bon. and to go with lizzies bonnet pink) (theyre not twins in my au but they definitely act like it. so#its like cute.) mrs. afton is blue violet (rockstar bonnie) bc i was running out of colors. i had already assigned her blue anyway.#max is black bc i seriously ran out of rabbit colors. or! no wait shadow bonnie. thats totally the inspo and not i had made his ears black#already. i think thats literally every rabbit color available. the afton family is pretty big. ig vanny. who would go with vanessa. obvi bu#shes not in my au. or at least not an afton. and therefore not a rabbit. if she was though shed be white.#and if you havent seen any previously drawn ones henry and william are yellow (obviously. they already have fursonas. theyre the reason#everyone else gets one. LOL) micheals purple like classic bonnie (who... is purple even if it was then retconned. hes purple. look at#withered bonnie. i hate ppl who say its just lighting. thats a lie by big blue bonnie. he was literally purple and then he changed his mind#like i said lizzie is pink like bonnet. and then charlie is black like lefty. because duhh.#DONT ask me about how this shit works okay. the rabbit dated the rabbit and the bear dated the bear. bc thats what happened. theres not#here. the bears got divorced. and the rabbits. the yellow rabbit and bear are fucking#no um. i like willry but i think if they were really fucking. i just think things would go differently. henry's gay in my au i dont think i#he actually had a man to fuck he'd manage to have children. its not who he is to me. will is bi but he obv thinks henry is some exception t#him being perfectly normal and straight. everyone wants to fuck their business partner. otherwise youd do it yourself#ig they can fuck after. i hate when people do these boring aus where henry and william never get married and william isnt a murderer and so#like what? theres nothing? just a couple of guys? if im looking for fics where theyre fucking im not looking for a fic where everything is#nice and clean. be serious. can we at least have some angst about it being the 70s or are you too much of a bitch for that too#anyway.....#simons spouting#simons fnaf au#OH also if anyone reads this whats the stance on this stupid idea i have where sammy pretends he has a thing for michael to annoy max. bc.#their parents had a thing for eachother. and sammy and max have a more familial relationship. and michael and charlie have a familial#relationship. but michael and sammy have barely met and do not at all. is it pushing it? i was thinking yknow from sammys perspective that'#'his sons' dad but! like you can fuck your sons dad. that's not weird. unless thats the way youre phrasing it i guess LOL. but i guess#michael would be like. thats 'my sisters' brother. and that is not someone you fuck*. BUT this isnt michaels perspective its sammy being#annoying. and from sammys perspective that is NOT his sister and there for NOT his sisters brother. *also im pretty sure this is subjective#if youre just friends. yknow. the ethics of sammy using this to bother max is not on the table because i think he deserves to be a#a bit of an ass. anyway LMAOO fkdglfg. let me know if youd like ive got anon asks on. please dont judge me for not knowing this.
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Hmm. That sure is brains. Don't like em but they sure are fucking exist
#feeling like the only one in any of my groups that has been consistently drawing the past few years with little to no change#awled rens vents#I've always had- issues about the fact it seemed my art style was uniquely unwanted or something#I think I've had all of like- 10-15 commissions in my whole online career#and a solid chunk of them have been out of pity of some kind#I've always felt like I put in more effort towards lifting other people's work then people put into mine#and there's been periods where it felt like any complements I've gotten have been less detailed and just there to be polite#I've watched all my friends have these massive dynamic shifts meanwhile I pick out a peice from 2020 and a peice from this year-#and it barely looks at all different#even the shit I'm proudest of some of the time#it's not even maybe I'm bad and everyone's to nice to say it anymore it's entirely#maybe my arts just got nothing to be said about it#maybe the reason I'm struggling so much to be even noticed is there's nothing to notice#idk man I'm just having a Time and Circumstances aren't helping at all#best I can describe it is feeling like I'm being left behind in some way compared to my peers#then again#what else is new?
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Dolly, sweetie, I'm so sorry.
#what the FUCK is that beyoncé?#you can't just. take a masterpiece. change it for the *worse*. you can't.#what the fuck.#istg jolene's one of my favourite songs ever. has been for fucking forever.#and like. i enjoy most versions. dolly/måneskin? fucking amazing. the white stripes' ver? excellent. beyoncé's?? hard pass.#dolly parton#jolene#music#like. had beyoncé just. sang it without changing the words and making it so... cheap... it'd have peobably loved it#but this way? it's not even that i don't like it. i hate it. full stop#i don't... i don't understand *why*#sorry i have to be very vocal about this#beyoncé#again i got nothing against beyoncé. and i barely know her music. “who runs the world” “telephone” and... that's it?#but come on girl. you got the voice. don't go changing the words and the meaning like that.#i swear. it sounds so so so cheap#dolly. i'm so sorry. i love you.
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