#so now it's mildly more reasonable

[movementsofmylife]

bad buddy ep 10 (rewatch)

how many times does pran pull out his entire (extremely intense) set of markers and not use them:

total so far: //// / (i actually don't think we see the markers ever again after ep 7, and this is wild to me, because i thought they were so much more present)

this ep just leaves me shattered every time.

and it starts off so cute. i love that pat's shirt is hanging off the back of pran's chair. they're so domestic.

honestly i feel kind of robbed of 5th year pran. because pran is clearly pretty high on the arch hierarchy. he can organize this wild confession plot and even get joke to take part. he would have been incredible to see in his final year fully ruling over arch lol.

also, not be on the kornwai agenda, but this scene. also, everyone else is also clearly on the kornwai agenda because this is the most replayed scene lol.

i paused with them for a bit bc wai was being extra annoying and on his 'i'm a straight boy' arc. but clearly clearly, that simply should not be the case. (i could definitely headcanon them in some kind of messy fuck buddies situation at this point. it would be so chaotic and incredible.)

ink is the most confident gay one could be. like goddamn. she's an inspiration. on her peak game this ep.

also, these shirts. adorable. also, i think the vibe of this ep is almost too bright? it's like effervescent and lovely and it's the sun with a rainbow without the rain. and obviously we get the rain at the end.

and i also think this is a tiny glimpse of what patpran would have been without the fall out with their parents.

it's not that they're not happy at the end of the show. they're happy and together and thriving. but they're also carrying what secrets they have to carry and cognizant of the limits they push against. they're adults who have learned to enjoyed the boundaries of the space they've built for themselves. and that's fine, that's truly extremely normal.

but here, for a short while we get patpran at their most naive and reckless. who are in love and out to friends and faculty and to random old teachers. and they could have had this, they could have been this, but for their parents and i think that's a tragedy, and i think we're supposed to see that.

like look at this face. and pat casually confessing he watched pran as long as pran watched him

they truly committed to the episode's theme of secrets revealed. and the contrast between purposeful joyful confessions and ones dragged out of you by circumstance. like this show is the queerest shit in the world.

pran casually devastating me with this line. they're so in love.

and then we get the jindapat siblings being truly so much better than they have any right to be.

pa's "your sister is too hot" is an incredible line. she should say it like it is.

my girls:)

i have written and thought and despaired so much over this scene.

and i think this is the core of it. their entire childhood was fucked up over a grudge that didn't have to be.

it was a shitty thing that ming did. but they could have resolved shit like adults. but instead there's a grudge and saving face and secrets and pitting their children against each other. and it's so fucking shit because patpran aren't star-crossed. they didn't have to be. and this is pran telling his mom that.

and this is pat learning that.

also fuck his mom for this.

this episode though.

[hashileio]

i got to wfh today so i had time to have very normal™ Thoughts and Feelings about him again....

[wild-at-mind]

I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.

Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.

[yeonban]

Yk at this point I might as well write the novella length post I've been meaning to about Dan Heng and how he used to view Jing Yuan vs how he views him now

[daz4i]

while I'm not one for romantic relationships or long term stuff i really do hope i meet someone who makes me feel big emotions again (spongebob getting a piano dropped on him meme. of the positive sort) somewhere. somehow. it's been so long. bc of shitty therapy i conditioned myself into stepping back and never letting myself feel and i just want to know someone who'd be able to make me break this conditioning and return that same amount of emotions too. one more time

[beegswaz]

I MISSED BUG. BEING CORRECT ABOUT WHEATLEY..???? WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL.

[anch-witch]

honestly god really said “oh so you think nobody else is like you huh” and then gave me Shen Qingqiu

[twilightarcade]

man looking for books makes me feel like an absolute idiot. Yeah I like everything but the stuff I don't like. Hope that helps

[tinithebini]

Splish splash :-]

[harrylights]

5:40am and i still have not slept 🤙🏻

[scp-113]

.

[veshialles]

sometimes i genuinely wonder if maybe i was intersex in some small way

[roseverdict]

does this even count as stick figure related anymore

anyway. howmst've in the FUCK do i time this properly

[neverendingford]

.

[wren-kitchens]

more of a rant than a vent but could be venty anyway idk i’m being annoyed at stuff tonight GKFHD

[yeetskeetiwandelete]

Onto the "why the FUCK" is this in my tags check. Ignore this post.