#so now i want to add a city we became reread

[read-alert]

February TBR! I have once again put way too many books on my list

Home and Away by Cam Montgomery

Lead Me Astray by Sondi Warner

Blood Like Magic by Liselle Sambury

The Prophets by Robert Jones Jr (reread)

Seize the Time: The Story of the Black Panther Party and Huey P Newton by Bobby Seale

Adulthood Rites by Octavia Butler

Three Strong Women by Marie NDaiye trans by John Fletcher

This Bridge Called by Back ed by Cherrie Moraga and Gloria E Anzaldúa

Abolition Democracy: Beyond Prisons, Torture, and Empire by Angela Davis

All Your Children, Scattered by Beata Umubyeyi Maireesse translated by Alison Anderson

The Blood Trials by NE Davenport (reread)

The Blood Gift by NE Davenport

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde

The Black God's Drums by P Djèlí Clark

The Eternal Audience of One by Rémy Ngamije

The World We Make by NK Jemisin

Binti Nnedi Okorafor

Small Country by Gaël Faye

Bluff by Danez Smith

These Letters End in Tears by Musih Tedji Xaviere

Inheritance: A Visual Poem by Elizabeth Acevedo

Kindred: A Graphic Novel Adaptation by Octavia Butler and John Jennings (half reread; have read the traditional novel)

Runaway: The Daring Escape of Ona Judge by Ray Anthony Shephard

Mermaid and Pirate by Tracey Baptiste

Brooms by Jasmine Walls and Teo DuVall

Mama's Nightingale: A Story of Immigration and Separation by Edwidge Danticat and Leslie Staub

Black AF: America's Sweetheart by Kwanza Osajyefo

Bingo Love by Tee Franklin, Jenn St-Onge, and Joy San

Long Way Down: The Graphic Novel by Jason Reynolds and Danica Novgorodoff (half reread)

The Sacrifice of Darkness by Roxane Gay and Tracy Lynne Oliver

After the Rain by Nnedi Okorafor and David Brame

Eve Volume 1 by Victor LaValle

Clock Striker Volume 1 by Issaka Galadima and Frederick L Jones

Aya: Love in Yop City by Marguerite Abouet and Clément Oubreire translated by Helge Dascher

[koi-koi-fish]

0-8-4

March 15th, 2011.

Fury sits in his office staring at the monitor watching Captain America sitting in medical after his earlier escape attempt. He sighs. It's not every day a living legend comes back from the dead, beats dozens of your men, escapes a maximum security facility, and makes a scene in one of the most populous cities in the world. But the world finding out about Captain America's return is the least of his worries.

Just as Fury starts to get up, Agent Coulson enters the room holding a binder. "Ah, you're still in. Perfect." Agent Coulson says as he sets down the binder on Fury's desk. "Here's what we have so far on the 0-8-4 we fished up alongside the Captain."

Fury picks up the binder "Has she said anything since waking up?" he asks as he starts flipping through the pages. "Only her name, rank, serial number, and that she wants a lawyer," Agent Coulson says as he sits across from Fury.

The 0-8-4 identifies as 14 year old lieutenant colonel Tanya Von Degurachaff of the Polska-Prussian Union Empire. Her uniform resembles that of a Bavarian Chevaulegers cavalry uniform with rank insignia on the shoulders. Her ruby necklaces are likely rank and or noble regalia.

"She's too young for her rank. Since she's a noble perhaps she's an honorary officer. Purely ceremonial." Fury wonders outloud.

"I thought so too until her X-Rays came back." Agent Coulson says as he leans over and turns some pages on the binder.

"Her skeleton shows signs of several healed fractures. Some are estimated to be several years old. There were also metal fragments found in her body. Even if she was only a political appointment, she's tough enough to survive a battlefield and return for more," Agent Coulson says.

"Not to mention being frozen for over 60 years and surviving like Captain America," Fury thinks to himself.

Fury reads further. The alphabet on the documents and correspondence recovered from her person are closer to Scandinavian runes but essentially German grammatically. The most recent date found was correspondence dated February 5th, 1928, addressed to a Lieutenant Serebryakov wishing her a happy 21st birthday. The letter contained some chocolate. The medals on her person with the exception of the Iron Cross don't resemble any officially recognized medals of any nation past or present. Most of the medals are heavy with Norse mythological symbolism with the exception of the aforementioned Iron Cross and another with silver wings.

February 5th is the same day Captain America became frozen. "Just how likely is this to be a Hydra plot by the Red Skull?" Fury asks himself. Red Skull was overly obsessed with the occult, mythology, and the tesseract. It's possible that Tanya is one of his more fanatical followers that took after that motif. But that doesn't explain her DNA being different to regular humans.

Did Red Skull successfully create his own super soldier? That would explain her injuries. It's possible that there were others and that she was the only one to survive the process. But analysis shows no signs of a super soldier serum within her system like Captain America. Nothing about her adds up. Too much is unknown about her.

"Keep her under maximum surveillance for now. There is still too much we don't know about her." Fury says with a scowl.

"Understood boss," Agent Coulson says then leaves, closing the door behind him.

Fury leans back in his chair and rereads the binder. There's not enough information to go on and making assumptions gets people killed. Perhaps he should have the Captain interrogate her. He has the most experience with Hydra operatives of that time period.

Mulling that thought he sets down the binder and brings up the camera feed of Tanya's room only to be met with her looking directly at him sending a shiver down his spine.

[kingsofargentina]

I had planned on making this before copa américa begun, but then life happened. Better late than never, tho, right? Let's call this a celebration of Argentina's win. :D

Kun Agüero and Leo Messi are the OTP of all OTPs for me, so here is a list of a few of my favorite kunessi fanfics that I've read over the years. This is not by any means a complete list since there are so many great fics (so hmu if you'd like more recs or are looking for something specific), and the fics are not in any particular order.

Multi-chapter/ novel length

Before the Third Star by rainedparade (162 096 words, rated E)

When it was the two of them, the pitch became their world and the ball, their very own sun.

A story about football, love, and life featuring Leo and Kun from 2005-2010. Takes place in an alternate reality with liberal use of the butterfly effect.

This feels like an account of what could have happened. Many scenes that draw on real events etc. A very beautiful story of boys who love football and each other.

A Messi Love by stillgold (69 188 words, rated E)

Kun knew he never should have had that last drink. Now he's gone and spilled his deep dark secret to Masche. And why is Kun's feelings for Leo the only secret Masche can't keep?

A good story with excellent smut.

two bodies pressed together by yvenger (jjjat3am) (6015 words, rated T)

"If I weren't a footballer, I would be a footballer's wife." - Kun Aguero

or

The one where Kun has to retire from football early and becomes Leo's househusband instead.

A little sad at the very beginning, but then very cute and domestic.

A Matter of Biology by MessiFangirl (hpdm4ever) (25 701 words, rated E)

Nicolás guides him down the hall, body still tight with tension. “You shouldn’t be alone,” his friend says, a hint of a growl in his voice. “Not anywhere until we’re back in England. We don’t really know if it’s true about how they do things here. The last thing we need is you mated to some neanderthal from Russia. It would probably be the end of your career.”

“They were being perfectly nice,” Kun says, frowning. Instead, he takes a deep breath as the familiar scents of his teammates wash over him, trying to raise his spirits again. It’s what gives him the strength to add, “I’m allowed to do things differently here. You’re the one who was being rude.”

The a/b/o fic I didn't expect to love as much as I did.

By the Rio de la Plata I sat down and wept by whimsicule (48 904 words, rated M)

Buenos Aires AU. Kun is part of the city's social elite, drifting without any sense of responsibility and purpose. A chance encounter with a childhood friend puts his life into perspective.

AU that has nothing to do with football. My favorite fic of all time; any genre, any fandom, any pairing. What an absolute masterpiece. It broke my heart, but in the most beautiful way. I cried, and then I cried some more. And then i reread it.

One shots

Prayers by ren_makoto (3418 words, rated E)

How do you worship a god? Kun Aguero shows his reverence to one D10S de Futbol. But gods can be spoiled, complicated creatures...

"He's seen fans almost kill themselves jumping down from the stands to hug Leo, kiss him, bow down at his feet. Nearly drowning themselves to swim to his yacht. He's seen fans cry in joy when Leo gives them his shirt or a hug. This is his equivalent, Kun imagines. This is as close as he comes to praying anymore."

Hot and a bit angsty. Actually really angsty if you think about it.

Tonight Is For You by MessiFangirl (hpdm4ever) (3199 words, rated T)

Nobody approaches him, perhaps aware that he's fighting to maintain his composure. The Icelandic players are respectful enough that they give him his space, while the Argentine players are wise enough to know that he needs it.

There's a light touch against his bare back then, right against his waistband, and Leo lowers his shirt to glare.

I just love it when Kun get's a little angry. I mean I also love it when he gives Leo anything he needs, but when he puts his foot down, it makes for very good plot. This fic has that.

Make it better by brightcrystal (4324 words, rated E)

After Argentina's semi-final defeat against Brazil in the Copa América 2019, Leo is devastated and Kun wants to help him feel better. Going down a familiar path is the easy choice, but is it the right one when the kisses are mixed with bitter tears of disappointment?

A bit of fluff, a bit of angst, and a bit of smut. Can't go wrong with that.

short beards are for fun by mm_nani (834 words, rated E)

leo has shaved his beard short and this is why

Hot and fun. Made me smile.

Todo Por Vos by stillgold (1286 words, rated G)

There’s nothing to say, but the words come unbidden. “Hoy por vos”, he whispers. Today for you. For you. He could have said todo por vos, all for you, and it would have been true.

Maybe Leo understands, or maybe Leo already knew—maybe Leo, with his dark eyes and his quiet mouth—maybe he can see better than others can. It seems like it on the pitch, but maybe that skill translates here too—maybe it sees Kun’s yearning, his hunger, his ache, his everything—all for Messi, todo por el.

I just reread this as I went to copy the link and GOD it's so... I can't even describe it! It's just.... The feelings, u kno???? No smut or nothing just... words and.... and FEELINGS!!!

sometimes your voice might just be enough by westhamutd (1773 words, rated M)

“hey kun. how are you doing?”

he hears kun yawn on the other end of the line and starts to laugh.

“oh you’re tired? it’s literally four in the morning here.”

--

things you said on the phone at 4am

This manages to be both cute and hot in less than 2000 words.

[falsegoodnight]

these are the fics I read or reread and enjoyed this month! like last time, i’m separating it into different sections: main list, podfics, wips, and non-1d. rereads will be included in the main list and marked with *.

*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 25th and any fics read after will be included in next month’s fic rec list because otherwise this is going to be obnoxiously long. 

—

main list ~

✰ black cherries and chocolate by @harryanthus​ | NR | 666 (intense and jarring in the best way. this leaves you with that heart-racing feeling and panic crawling up your throat)

There is something or well, someone in the walls.

✰ keep secrets just to keep you by @hadestyles​ | T | 1k (loved this so much!! and need 1000000 more royalty abos from rori immediately)

“With the elements as my witness, I take you to be my husband. My heartbeat begins with you and ends with you, Louis Tomlinson.” Louis sinks to his knees as well, salty tears mixing with the pure rainwater. “And I take you as mine. My heart beats for you and with you.”

✰ bitter coffee and sweet love by @dontfuckwithmyotp​ | G | 1k (so cute and sweet!! proud of you ari for getting your first fic out and excited to see what you do next!)

“Hello! Welcome to The Busy Bean! Are you new?” Louis blinked in surprise at the voice and looked around to find the source. “Behind you,” The person tapped his shoulder once and he whirled around at the unexpected touch.

“Hey! Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to interrupt a person—” His rant stopped when he finally faced them. It was a guy—Harry Styles, according to his small black name tag. His eyes widened in embarrassment.

✰ turn your mic off, baby by @vogueharrystan​ | E | 2k (i love when lilli writes harry’s pov. this was so hot!)

Louis walks around the house naked all day and ignores Harry to play video games instead. Harry gets tired of it.

✰ This Could Be Love by mulletharry | G | 2k (such a cute and perfect little valentine’s day fic! put the biggest smile on my face <3)

Harry and Louis have been together for four months. They spend their first Valentine’s Day together.

✰ you appear as my soul by @hadestyles​​ | T | 2k (so gorgeous and raw)

He aches — not as much as Louis, he could never imagine all that he bears quietly — and as cruel as it sounds, it keeps reminding him of how fragile they are.

✰ the energy from your body by sweetielouis | E | 3k (hilarious, hot, and cute!)

Harry and his friends have a popular podcast, for the Valentines Day special they get a bit drunk and talk a bit too comfortably about their friends arses.

It's a good thing Louis doesn't mind it all that much. 

✰ look how i remember by @harryanthus​ | M | 4k (this left me speechless and aching)

He hates it, he wants to scream and tell Harry as much. Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me as if we are in love. Kiss me like you will never do it again. Kiss me with so much hatred that it turns back to love.

✰ Things Unsaid by @londonfoginacup​ | G | 5k (so so cute and funny!!)

"That chunky oversized sweater is like a clown outfit made for winter."

It feels like time slows down.

Those words echo in his mind, familiar. Why are they familiar? The— the sweater he saw last week. The one with all the knit squares.

The train slows to a stop and Louis just— he doesn’t move. He feels frozen in place as people surge around him. Suddenly everyone is moving too fast and then just as suddenly the car is near empty, taking off again.

The man is gone.

His soulmate is gone.

✰ reckless serenade by @thepolourryexpress​ | E | 4k (adorable and funny and amazing!)

Harry's Google search history may or may not look like 'my girlfriend doesn't know we're dating.'

✰ dancing in the moonlight by @outropeace​ | E | 5k (need 100k more of this immediately, thanks. so wonderful)

Louis’ fuck buddy gets a date for Valentine’s day and he discovers that denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.

✰ The truth is, the stars are falling by larrysbeanies | E | 5k (hot!!! walking-in trope that i love so much)

Harry knows Louis is gay. Hell, he came out to Harry exactly two months ago (when the dreadful dry spell started) because it was becoming increasingly hard to hide the fact that his one night stands were men. And, you know, they’re best friends so there aren’t supposed to be secrets and all that.

Thing is, Louis told Harry he’s gay ergo, Harry is aware that Louis likes men. Why the fuck did he act so normal while fingering him three days ago, then? Is this something straight guys do to their gay best friends in Harry’s world?

Louis would really like to know.

✰ to be used and to be in love by @thelesserneptune​ | E | 5k (blessed that this is a series. really hot and cute!)

Louis doesn't know why his filthy best friend turned into a vanilla boyfriend and thinks of the perfect birthday present to solve that problem.

✰ on the borderline by @princelouisau​ | E | 8k (the way danielle writes... poetry. this broke me down and then stitched me back up <3)

Louis makes his choice.

✰ One Step Closer by agrinwithouthiscat | G | 12k (reading asexual hl fics is instant comfort and this was lovely)

The one fake relationship AU where they don't end up together.

✰ i glow pink in the night by @raspberryoatss​ | E | 12k (hybrid louis perfection, beautiful writing, characters, and story as always!)

Harry reads a lot of articles about hybrids and Louis is determined to prove them wrong.

✰ The Thinker of Tender Thoughts by @speakingwithink | G | 13k (asexual hl again! this one made me cry) 

Louis sits on his hands to stop them from shaking as he adds, ‘and I’m ace.’ If only he had glitter, he thinks. Coming out deserves a bit of sparkle.

✰ Kiss Me Once, Kiss Me Twice by @harriblou​ | M | 13k (enemies with benefits to lovers goodness! so hot and entertaining)

“You’re a fucking brat, you know that,” Harry muttered through clenched teeth, bones already burning with the pure desire and hatred mixing in his body. It was an intoxicating rush of adrenaline and something else that probably came with fucking Louis Tomlinson. He squeezed his neck just a little tighter. “I can’t stand it.”

Their lips were brushing against each other, just moving with the ragged movements of their mouths and harsh breathing.

“You’re a lying piece of shit dickhead,” Louis muttered right back. That was all he did, challenge and nag. He loved to have the last word and Harry let him because he used all his energy to fuck him mindless.

✰ hold onto your stars by vashtaneradas | NR | 16k (this writer’s atmosphere/prose draws me in every time. such a lovely story)

Harry's in the army, Louis' back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.

✰ The Future is Now by @jacaranda-bloom​ | E | 16k (love fics in this five times format and this one was so unique and cool!! and the friends to lovers aspect = chef’s kiss)

Five times Louis follows the fortunes to seek out his true love, and the one time he realises that what he's been searching for might've been right in front of him the whole time.

✰ Visceral Heat & Carnal Highs by @theisolatedlily​ | E | 18k (the prose in this... gorgeous. so fucking good and addicting. delighted that there’s going to be a sequel and excited for whatever lily does next!)

Louis is a demon at a house party prowling for a meal, indulging in horrendous sins to satisfy his hunger. Harry is the talk of the night, beckoning all eyes on him and the reason why Louis’s plan goes awry.

✰ deFENCEless by @solvetheminourdreams​ | T | 27k (this was so cute and so funny and i had the biggest smile on my face the entire time. not surprised since stef always evokes that in me with her writing)

When Louis butts heads with his new neighbor who loves to garden a little too much, all he can do to protect his yard (and heart), is keep on building up his fence(s).

✰ darling, you give love a bad name by snowcaplou | M | 29k (been waiting for this one since summer and i wasn’t disappointed! so wonderful and real!)

Louis’ has been best friends with Gemma all his life in this stupid little town he’s grown to hate. What happens when, after one night together with his best friend’s brother, he falls pregnant? Surrounded by small minds and conservative cultures, Louis has to deal with parents that demand they do the “right” thing. Get married before anybody finds out.

✰ The Haunting of Louis Tomlinson* by @helloamhere​ | T | 31k (will never not be an all-time favorite. louis’ character is my absolute favorite - gothic heroine indeed - and harry is the best dramatic gay ghost ever <3)

Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!

✰ begged and borrowed time by @bottomlwt​ | M | 40k (this concept was so unique and so cool!! loved the medieval setting and the time travel and how everything fit together in the end!!)

“It wasn’t until 1568 that it became time for Prince Harry to find a queen and prepare to rule. However, the day he was set to choose his bride-to-be, he mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again despite the multiple search parties that went on through the years. To this day, historians still do not know what happened with the infamous Prince Styles case..."

✰ Lidocaine and Palm Trees.* by @daddyharrie​ | E | 45k (definition of ris comfort read - on nth reread and still love it wholly. makes me miss la which is an astonishing feat in itself) 

Heat, fake tans and lots of traffic.

Harry never expected to earn his living this way when he moved to LA.

Louis didn't think he could ever be the same after his divorce.

A lighthearted story about two guys trying to find themselves in the vibrant, sprawling city of Los Angeles, with a side of technical porn industry stuff.

✰ haunted by the ghost of you* by @missandrogyny​ | E | 49k (perhaps my favorite fic of all time? the humor, the characters, the angst?!?! all the britney spears!! and pink ouija boards and wikihow!!)

He’s tall—that’s the first thing that registers in Louis’ head when he spots him, standing with his hands behind his back. Tall, with curly hair, staring at them with the widest, greenest eyes Louis has ever seen. And wait, are those dimples? Louis didn’t know ghosts could have dimples.

Because he’s definitely a ghost, this boy. At first glance he looks normal, standing there pigeon-toed in a band shirt (The Ramones, Louis can’t help but note incredulously), dark jeans, and some boots, with rings on both hands, and tattoos littering his left arm—a sleeve made of anchors and names and roses and other completely unrelated things. But he’s also a little bit translucent; if Louis focuses, he can see the outline of the furniture, the design of the wallpaper through him.

“Hi,” the boy—the ghost—says to Louis. His face shifts; somehow his dimples dig deeper into his cheeks. His eyes flit from Louis, to Niall, to Liam, and finally to Zayn, and his face goes from shocked to elated. “I’m Harry.”

At in that exact moment, standing between three of his best friends and staring at a (quite handsome) ghost, Louis can only think one thing.

Nick Grimshaw was right.

✰ like real people do by @eeveelou​ | E | 64k (this was... so amazing. the characters were so wonderfully written and so was the journey of healing and growth that louis undertakes over the story :’) loved the contrast between l and h’s lives and how they fit into each other still so perfectly)

Jessica Jones AU in which the dead stay where they belong, featuring Zayn as the high-powered lawyer with a hopeless crush on his assistant Liam, Niall as the constantly stoned but strangely insightful neighbor, Harry as Manhattan’s media darling, and Louis as the never-was hero who’s just trying to pick up the pieces.

✰ Black With Autumn Rain by whimsicule | T | 93k (i actually can’t remember if i’ve read this before??? either way - it was wonderful! loved the setting and atmosphere and the supernatural elements! i was so intrigued from the first sentence onwards)

Harry is a journalist, Louis has lots of secrets and the moors aren’t exactly the ideal place to rekindle a lost romance.

podfics ~

✰ tall stories on the page by @soldouthaz​ & read by @softlouislove​ | T (hannah’s voice is so lovely and perfect for reading aloud - and ofc the fic itself is amazing)

Harry's tired of being interviewed by people that only care about the same pointless gossip. Louis is a nice change of pace. 

wips ~

✰ Truth Behind Golden Eyes by @lwtisloved​ | E | 60k | 6/16 (just caught up fully today but i’m really enjoying everything! this is everything i’ve ever wanted in a fantasy fic)

Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.

✰ ‘cause all our tomorrows lead the way by @loubellies​ | E | 39k | 3/10 (having a blast reading this one!! i’ve never seen the bachelor in my life but in fic-format, it’s so fun!)

So maybe Louis’ in over his head.

He had signed up for the Bachelor on a whim after his second bottle of wine and well, here he is. He’s just been announced as the twenty-sixth Bachelor and his ass is sweating. Like, literally sweating. He’s positive that if he was to turn around, the entirety of Bachelor Nation would get a nice peek of his ass sweat.

✰ The Night Still Whispers Sins of Old by @toomanydreamers​ | E | 6k | 2/? (loving this so much, as expected. can’t wait to see how everything unfolds)

Two and a half years have passed since the fateful day when Louis and Harry were crowned Triwizard champions. Confronted with misunderstandings, wounded pride and heartache, Louis stumbled away from the possibility of a future relationship with Harry. Instead, he buried himself into relentless work as a junior Auror and refused to let himself be vulnerable with another person. Circumstances change that force Louis to confront his feelings - and Harry. Stolen glances, picnics at sunrise, thrilling adventures, original spellwork, midnight feasts, soft lips and cautious second chances culminate in an unforgettable mission - but will it be enough to mend their relationship?

non-1d ~

✰ like a bullet needs a gun by @millsxwriting​ | T | 21k | wilds au (despite me having no context, mills still got me to fall in love with toni and shelby. this was so cute and lovely!!)

Toni doesn’t expect to fall for anyone in her senior year. Least of all for Shelby Goodkind, the new girl that arrived in town just before the end of summer. In fact, Toni can’t even look at her for longer than two seconds, or listen to more than three sentences coming out of her mouth without wanting to accidentally push her off a cliff. 

Cue a group project and endless bickering, and suddenly Toni finds herself with an unbearable crush.

If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!

[sirendeepity]

Books I've read in 2021

Because why not + comments

36/21 (updated to: /30)

The Cruel Prince ★★★★ (I read this just a year ago? Damn, a reread is definitely needed)

The Lost Sisters ★★★ (Still trying to understand the point of this)

The Wicked King ★★★★ (That time I understood TikTok fed me lies about the romance in this series)

The Queen of Nothing ★★★★ (I didn't understand a thing back then and I still don't do it now)

How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories ★★★★ (Cardan. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk)

A Court of Silver Flames ★★★★★ (Rating based on the main characters and the headcanons, not the plot because I can't rate what doesn't exist)

Six of Crows ★★★★ (Do I really need to elaborate?)

Shadow and Bone ★★★ (I still can't remember how the book actually ended because I watched the tv adaptation before finishing it so now I have no idea which is which. And btw Archie Renaux thank you for existing, my life and Mal's is better because of you <3 )

Realm Breaker ★★★.5 (Why the 15 pages per chapter, V? Just tell me why. Sorasa Sarn made up pretty well for it, bUT STILL-)

Kingdom of the Wicked ★★★★★ (We could've been so good together)

The Atlas Six ★★★★ (Flexing hard having read this before it became TikTok famous, but flexing harder having Olivie Blake commenting on my live-reading thread)

Red, White & Royal Blue ★★★★ (I wanted the gays and this gave me the gays, that's all I have to say)

The Sea of Monsters ★★★ (How it started kind of, I read the first one in summer 2020)

The Titan's Curse ★★★

The Battle of the Labyrinth ★★★★

The Last Olympian ★★★★★ (How it ended, and it hit harder than I expected)

These Violent Delight ★★★★★ (tHE LOVE THE PAIn)

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo ★★★★ (No fruit love felt in here, but that ending? Can we talk about it? A full star more just for that)

Gild ★★★.5 (It's the journey trope for me)

Kingdom of the Cursed ★★★★ (The ending saved a lot but Kerri? What happened? I was confused, but you were confused even more than me apparently)

Crescent City: House of Earth and Blood ★★★★★ (Go kiss Bryce Quinlan's ass. Now. Also can I just flex the fact and Bryce and I share the same middle name? I MEAN that's queen material, I won't be embarrassed by it ever again)

To Kill A Kingdom ★★★★ (Started in May; it's definitely the journey trope for me)

The Shadow Between Us ★★ (Slytherin romance mY ASS)

The Raven Boys ★★★★★ (THIS BOOK GODDAMNIT I still dream of it at night)

Dream Thieves ★★★★ (Umh... Kerah?)

Blue Lily, Lily Blue ★★★★.5 (The Beginnings, if you know what I mean)

The Raven King ★★★★★ (Fucked up my brain real bad ngl)

Opal ★★★ (Basically useless but the few Pynch scenes were just *chef's kiss*)

Call Down the Hawk ★★★ (I didn't read TRC in a week only to waste a full month on this damn book)

Our Violent Ends ★★★★★ (it was a one-way ticket to (S)pain, no refund)

Mister Impossible ★★★ (I wish I could hate this book but I don't but I hate that I can't love it either I'm like aocjsox)

The math doesn't add up because I also read three boring books for school and the first two manga volumes of My Hero Academia, hopefully one day I'll catch up with the rest as well or I'll just buy all the volumes and start from where the anime ended

[toorusbaby]

second choice, pt. 2

this part lowkey makes me cringe (probably because i’ve reread this entire fic about 10 times in order to edit) but i hope you like it <3

summary: being in love with hajime iwaizumi is like riding a rollercoaster of emotions. it’s thrilling as it is exciting, but you feel a little lightheaded... because he doesn’t know how you feel. the worst part? he thinks you’re in love with his best friend.

warnings: just pure fluff, oikawa cockblocks, slow burn, slight angst if you squint real hard

word count: 1,834

part three here

Three weeks had passed since you had gotten ramen with Oikawa and Iwaizumi. October turned to November in the blink of an eye and orange leaves that were once on trees were now scattered across the ground. Snow would be arriving in a week or two, but the weather wasn’t the only thing that had changed over the past few weeks. 

Much to your surprise, you noticed that Oikawa’s flirty behavior towards you became practically nonexistent. You didn’t think much of it at first; you didn’t know what to make of it, even when it had been going on. It wasn’t until you and Matsukawa were walking to the school gym one afternoon, when the middle blocker had pointed out the lack of ‘romantic enthusiasm’ Oikawa usually displayed towards you. The raven haired boy’s words evoked realization within you and you began to recognize the signs of Oikawa’s sudden detachment after months of consistent flirting. The team captain had completely stopped asking you for hugs (which you never minded giving) and his habit of calling you his ‘pretty girl’ while slinging his arm over your shoulders suddenly vanished into thin air. 

Despite his change of actions, or rather lack of, you sincerely doubted that Oikawa was upset with you. Even with his sudden shift in actions, Oikawa continued to eat lunch with you and Iwaizumi everyday under the tree the three of you ‘claimed’, and even cracked a horrible joke or two, snickering when you and his best friend would cringe at his attempts to make you both laugh. The setter’s usual cheerfulness with a hint of cockiness had remained much to your relief, although you’d never admit that you found his overconfidence endearing. Other than Oikawa’s decision to establish less flirty boundaries with you, everything in your life was still the same. 

That was what bothered you. 

The fact that no progression was being made and that you would be graduating from Aoba Johsai so soon, irritated you to no end. Progression with a certain green eyed boy, that was. 

Your third and final year of high school was almost over, but you had spent the majority of your time at Seijoh completely smitten over Hajime, who was utterly clueless about your feelings. You weren’t hurt because he was unaware; you couldn’t blame the boy for not realizing it. Instead, you had blamed yourself for concealing any hint that you felt romantically towards the ace. 

Whether Hajime viewed you in a romantic way was unbeknownst to you but you were desperate to find out regardless of the outcome. You weren’t entirely clueless when it came to you romantically attracting others. Multiple boys and girls have confessed to you before, only to be gently shot down; this gave you a small reputation at Aoba Johsai as a heartbreaker. Unbeknownst to you, this reputation slightly intimidated Iwaizumi. But when you took a closer look at the volleyball player’s actions, a flicker of hope burned in your chest.

Iwaizumi was reserved for the most part, usually keeping to his teammates or to himself. However, the occasional glances he’d sneak in your direction when you were with your female friends had caught your attention. The way his eyes would widen before quickly turning away when you would smile back at him must have meant something. Wasn’t this a common sign of attraction? Or did you just freak him out? Maybe it was the cold weather affecting his cheeks that would turn pink, but this wasn’t a possibility you even wanted to consider. It wasn’t as if you could directly ask him how he felt about you; asking Oikawa wouldn’t be any better. 

It was Wednesday night when you found yourself tossing and turning in bed, wide awake and mind ablaze with thoughts of a certain wing spiker. It came as no surprise since it was the third time that week. Smothering your face into your pillow, you let out a frustrated groan. You knew that friendship would always remain friendship if you didn’t take a leap of faith. You couldn’t stay up late like this, questioning his feelings towards you for… well, forever. Iwaizumi wasn‘t the type to admit his feelings first, let alone display hints of romantic attraction, not that you were aware of. 

The memory of Oikawa teasing Iwaizumi during practice months ago for refusing to ever make ‘the first move’ replayed itself in your mind. This earned the team captain a volleyball to the head and quiet chuckles from Kunimi, but the green eyed boy never denied the allegation, simply huffing and grumbling to himself. 

The moment you saw the clock strike two, you came to a realization. Time would run out eventually and so would your patience; you didn’t want to drag things further. It was at that moment when you decided it was time to address your feelings for Iwaizumi. Sure, there was a likely possibility that the green eyed boy didn’t return your feelings. If he didn’t, it would most definitely hurt; after all, you were head over heels for. 

Your arms moved to clutch the pillow to your chest. There was nothing that would change your mind; you were too stubborn for your own good. Something about your feelings towards Hajime Iwaizumi would have to be done when the timing was right.

You could only hope that it was soon. 

༺♥༻

It was Saturday near noon when Iwaizumi found himself walking into the train station, hands in pockets, and a mind full of questions as he searched his surroundings to find you. When the volleyball player received a text from you the previous night asking if he was available the next day, he was quick to tell you his schedule was free. When you had asked him to meet you at the train station however, it definitely raised an eyebrow. Maybe you just wanted to meet at the station since it would be more convenient for everyone? Now that he thought about it, who else did you invite? Despite his curiosity, Iwaizumi didn’t ask any further questions, simply agreeing instead. He would just have to see what you needed him for when you two met up. 

Iwaizumi’s eyes scanned the slightly busy station, only to easily spot you among the crowd of people. The sight of you never failed to make his heart race; he felt as if he had just finished an extended set, the way his palms began to sweat despite the cold weather. When he made his way over to you, a breath was stuck in Iwaizumi’s throat when he noticed that you looked a bit different than you did at school. 

Your hair was styled in soft waves and you wore a bit more make up than usual, the brown eyeliner giving you a soft but refined look. Wearing only a cream turtleneck sweater paired with black jeans, Iwaizumi was afraid that you would get cold later in the day. Regardless, he thought you looked beautiful. Your tinted lips that were pursed together for a split second when you glanced at your phone immediately grabbed the ace’s attention. Lipgloss? Is she wearing fucking lipgloss? Without sparing them a second glance, Iwaizumi excused himself to strangers he accidentally bumped into on the way to greet you. 

Relax, Hajime. Just fucking… breathe. 

You on the other hand, were about to text Iwaizumi until you noticed a tall figure approaching from the side of your eye. When you looked up, you found yourself facing the only boy whose grinning face was enough to make you weak in the knees. There Iwaizumi stood, gloved hands shoved in the pockets of his black jeans, his signature navy blue scarf adorning his neck. He wore a grey sweater that fit him perfectly, the color complimenting his olive skin. Even though he cleaned up nicely, the way Iwaizumi smiled down at you made you swoon all over again. You couldn’t help but smile up at Iwaizumi’s towering figure. 

“I was just about to call you. I was worried you wouldn’t show up for a minute. Let’s wait over here, yeah?” You greeted the boy, gesturing with a nod of your head for him to follow you away from the crowd. The boy followed suit.

“You know I’d never do that, Y/N,” Iwaizumi replied, the two of you now standing near passengers waiting to board the upcoming train. You simply smiled in response and guided him to the boarding area. The confused boy quickly looked around and then back at you with a raised eyebrow. 

“Wait, are we going on the train? I thought we were—“ 

Seeing your pretty polished fingers holding up two train tickets to the neighboring city of Osaki brought Iwaizumi’s words to a halt, not to mention your awkward chuckle when you handed him a ticket. 

“Well you see,” you mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You were sure that the breeze would mess your hair up throughout the day, refraining from rolling your eyes at the thought. “I sort of... bought us train tickets to Osaki. Surprise, I guess?” The widening of the boy’s eyes prompted you to continue, causing you to wave your hands in front of you in protest. 

“If you don’t want to go though, that’s okay! I just wanted to check out a couple of places, that’s all...” 

And spend time with you, was what you wanted to add. However, you couldn’t possibly utter such a bold statement. You didn’t want to freak Iwaizumi out even more than you probably did; a surprise hangout in another city was enough for one day. 

Iwaizumi’s eyes flickered from your wavering eyes to the way your cheeks burned with embarrassment. It was obvious to the boy that you were self-conscious, but he didn’t think you had any reason to feel that way. It was one of the rare times, if not the only time, the two of you hung out alone; Iwaizumi definitely did not want to waste such an opportunity. Despite his heavy belief that you were interested in Oikawa, the green eyed boy was glad you had called him and only him instead. 

To put it shortly, Hajime Iwaizumi was beyond thrilled. 

With a soft chuckle and a gentle smile plastered on his lips, he opened his mouth to reassure you. “I’d be an idiot if I said no to this. We should probably get on, yeah? I wonder what you have planned.” With that, Iwaizumi boarded the train that had just arrived. Without another word, you quickly followed behind. 

Even though your head was turned to face the moving train’s windows behind you, your mind was focused on the handsome boy sitting by your side. When you realized that it would be just the two of you for the entirety of the day, together alone in another city, your stomach churned with excitement. You couldn’t believe you were doing this; how did you end up alone with Iwaizumi on a Saturday afternoon?

If I tell him how I feel, would he even feel the same way?, you questioned. 

Little did you know, the flustered volleyball player was asking himself the same question when he turned his head to admire you.

[codenamebooks]

What I’ve Bought Recently (August-November)

I hadn’t posted a book haul in a while because, for some reason, I thought I hadn’t accumulated as many books as I have. Purchasing from Book of the Month with available credits and visiting local Columbus book stores adds up quicker than you think.

And I Darken (The Conquerer’s Saga #1) by Kierstan White | Goodreads

This and the next three books I got from a dear friend back home. It was basically a reward for unhauling some books that did not need to be on my shelf anymore. This one I was particularly excited about because I’ve heard so many good things about it and had an opportunity to get it for free many years before and didn’t so I’m happy to have it now.

Lady Midnight (The Dark Artificies #1) by Cassandra Clare | Goodreads

I started reading The Mortal Instruments series this year (and hopefully will finish it by the end) and so my friend handed me this book as well. I’m no where near getting to this point in the world but hopefully will eventually. 

Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas | Goodreads

I have already read the first book of this series and man oh man is it delicious. After being caught up to ACOTAR, I figured it was only right to read more of SJM’s writing to confirm that she is my favorite author.

People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry | Goodreads

I bought this one from Book of the Month from the staff picks for the month right after my friend told me that she adored it. I’m excited to read what is hopefully a really good, exciting, (sexy), romance.

Bringing Down the Duke (A League of Extraordinary Women #1) by Evie Dunmore | Goodreads

Of course I heard great things about this book from Regan from PeruseProject on YouTube with her big love for renaissance romances so when I had a free credit with BoTM I got it with People We Meet on Vacation.

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (#1) by Ransom Riggs | Goodreads

But in hardcover! I already do own this book but I’ve been wanting to find it in hardcover for a very long time so that the trilogy (well, original trilogy) would match and I finally did at I don’t even remember where and had to grab it.

A Map of Days (MPHfPC #4) by Ransom Riggs | Goodreads

To pair with my new first book hardcover, I decided to get the 4th book that until I saw it in the store I had no idea it existed. A 4th and 5th book?! I’m okay with it because it gives me an excuse to reread this series I loved in high school.

(Going on Goodreads to get the link for this book, I just found out there’s a 6th book... Where have I been?)

White Magic by Elissa Washuta | Goodreads

This one is special to me because this is a professor in the creative writing department at my university (Ohio State) that I hope to take workshop with next year. Apparently she’s an amazing author and can’t wait to see what that is.

The City We Became (Great Cities #1) by N. K. Jemisin | Goodreads

This is another book that I heard so much about from PeruseProject. I’m really excited to read a fantasy story about New York written by a Black woman. It’s very heartwarming to me that she receives so much love in the fantasy genre.

Cinder (The Lunar Chronicles #1) by Marissa Meyer | Goodreads

I found this and the next book at Ohio Thrift––thrift stores are one of my most favorite places to buy used books. I’ve been wanting to read the Cinder series for a long time so buying it cheap is the perfect option for me!

Winter (The Lunar Chronicles #4) by Marissa Meyer | Goodreads

I know that this may seem odd because I just said I haven’t read it but they were both there and this edition is so beautiful––I’ve linked the one I got in Goodreads––and it’ll encourage me to buy the middle books when I read them.

A Darker Shade of Magic (Shades of Magic #1) by V. E. Schwab | Goodreads

I bought this one at the amazing The Book Loft in in Columbus. I decided that since I loved The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue I should continue to read more of V. E. Scwab’s writing and I’ve heard many good things about this series.

[itsuki-minamy]

“DETECTIVE REISI MUNAKATA”

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

It has been six months since Reisi Munakata opened a detective office on Baker Street in England.

Originally, he was a bureaucrat who was invited to Japan by British Land as a foreign policy adviser. He was blessed with the opportunity to demonstrate his administrative skills in many cases, and became more memorable for the queen.

However, quick glory also creates a backlash.

In a couple of years, she was jealous of Munakata's success, and her powers warned she of his ability.

As a result, he lost his position and became a civilian again.

Mysteriously, Munakata, who has lost the advantage in a foreign country, has not taken the option to return to Japan or change jobs to a private company, and opened a detective agency independently on Baker Street, which is considered the city most insecure in British land.

Furthermore, he is a private detective who never has a high social status.

It was behavior that no one else could understand. It was the same for Fushimi Saruhiko, a native Japanese staff member.

"This is last week's report. It includes an expense bill, so pay early."

With a look that seemed uninteresting, he tossed a bunch of reports onto the mahogany table where Munakata sits. It is as thick as a small dictionary. Coquettish, but still fast and efficient at work.

Munakata reads it at superhuman speed.

"Hmm. Settlement of a case of a bar fight, investigation of bad children of aristocrats and deception of a young businessman. You did a lot of research in a short time."

"Thanks."

Saying that in a completely impassive tone, he turned to the side and bowed his head. Munakata, with a rebellious attitude, has a friendly smile before the talented subordinates who have been following him until now.

"Do you seem unsatisfied?"

When he asks that,

"I did not cross the sea to do such a thing."

Unexpectedly, Fushimi framed so honestly. Munakata,

"Hm."

He puts his hands on the table and puts his chin there.

"It is true that most of the projects we are dealing with today are popular, prose and uninteresting. But about one in a hundred is really good."

It doesn't melt anything.

“You find an exciting event. Don't you think?"

Fushimi calmed down for a while, then reluctantly refused. It was certainly exactly what Munakata said.

About once every hundred times, intelligent, esoteric, and motivating incidents can come to the office in any way. It was a scarlet incident that would have been made by a legendary detective who once lived on Baker Street.

"Isn't that something that should be called the magical power of the earth? I have the courage to open a detective agency here."

Munakata chews a lot of fun.

In fact, he successfully resolved the two strange incidents that he brought.

However, Fushimi cannot understand.

He does not believe that Munakata's purpose is for that purpose.

Only then.

"Director, I'm back now."

As with Fushimi, Awashima, a staff member who followed them from Japan, entered the room with the sound of a thump.

"Oh, Awashima-kun. It looks great on you."

Awashima was elegantly dressed as an upper-class woman.

"I'm afraid not."

Awashima smiles slightly and bows.

Speaking of which, Fushimi thought. He hasn't seen much of Awashima since February. Apparently, he knew she was conducting an undercover investigation somewhere.

Awashima looks great.

"Evidence that Baron Makein was in contact with Mrs. Matilda. After all, he was using the Potato Head Hotel."

However, the report was placed on Munakata's desk, slightly overwhelming the euphoric feeling she had achieved. It is as thick as the Fushimi report.

"There is also evidence that the Dino Chamber of Commerce, the Green Transport Minister and Lord Egg have created fraudulent cartels for tomato imports."

Fushimi widened his eyes. All the names that came out today were the names of the faction that kicked Munakata out of the administration center.

When Munakata reread the report,

"It's well organized. Well, if it's on the table, it's enough for us to return."

He laughed at himself.

"Excuse me, Director."

Fushimi received Awashima's report, which Munakata had finished reading, as if he had half taken it aside. Read it fast.

A wry smile came to Fushimi's mouth.

"I see. You are the one who cannot eat."

Finally, he understood Munakata's intention. For the past six months, he has been gathering evidence to crush political opponents. For this reason, it is easy to establish knowledge to conduct surveys and create contacts, but on the other hand, we establish a base in a city where people's wishes and desires are highlighted.

Fushimi had a slightly spiteful tone.

"Why did you tell the assistant principal and not me?"

"That's right, Fushimi-kun."

Munakata hopes to join again.

"Because the scandals of those who persecuted us seemed to be easier to gather than we expected."

Awashima lightly holds her eyes and adds.

"I was alone enough."

Munakata recently took out the ridiculous rosewood pipe, set it on fire and spoke.

"I was more interested in the fun things that happened in this city. It was enough to burn off the gray brain cells. So I wanted you to be my partner. Play a role as a biographer and doctor alongside a detective. Fushimi-kun, look, immediately."

Soon an old woman came with the sound of the door knocking. She quickly complained about the case of a red-haired man returning to the next colony, who had a large snake with a spotted "speckled dot" and a black dog called a "demon dog."

"Fushimi-kun, Awashima-kun. You can always go back to government. Can you come with me?"

Awashima is smiling, Fushimi laughed and nodded.

[ais-n]

ok so me and some friends have been talking about how much we loved greyson especially because of how meta it was and i wanted to ask if there was any more thought put into the show outside of canon, like who the characters are or about hsin and boyd watching it (like the plot point boyd predicted, that was so cute)

Hey! lol it is hilariously meta to have in there, isn’t it? haha

I don’t think we talked a ton about it beyond just generally what the plot would probably be based on the original story idea. I ended up getting super distracted multiple times in the course of trying to answer this because it got me curious to look back at old notes lol

!!!!!!! Oh my effing god - I legitimately thought we hadn’t talked much about the plot of the show itself but after searching around and remembering that apparently we spelled it Greyson some places and Grayson others I found way more info. (btw the Greyson is probably my fault more recently lol I spell gray as grey so I bet over time I flipped it in my head to being Greyson when it was probably Grayson canonically, but I can’t remember for sure what’s actually in the book itself)

ANYWAY I found a July 20, 2010 email string between “Sonny” and me about Grayson/Greyson with a lot more notes on the whole thing. So it turns out I do have some extra info, shockingly enough.

I put it beneath a cut in case of spoilers. 

THIS IS DIRECTLY FROM MY EMAIL - SO IT IS GOING TO PROBABLY MAKE NO SENSE/BE CONFUSING AF/HAVE NO CONTEXT - also since it was just a regular chat back and forth we were kind of shooting the shit figuring it all out. just a forewarning :) only changes i made were clear spelling typos that made it a little confusing to not fix

+++++++++++++++++

July 20, 2010 emails figuring out Greyson/Grayson 

8:49 am - email from Ais to “Sonny”

btw in grayson i thought of doing an homage to what we originally were going to have icos be, so i thought your one guy could be the one who has the lung sickness in there and we can have whoever we want as other characters. i imagine the one who lost everyone and is all violent to be cypress but he will have his real name, Akiva, because cypress is in my fantasy series. for some reason in my mind, the Feral is named Annika and she's basically a Feral by the end of the first season, and also some of the other characters who werent affected by the war as much probably are basically in middle class or nicer areas. so for some reason in my mind, there's a rich girl named Daphne (could be a different name) and at the end of the first season, she somehow got caught up with Annika (maybe kidnapped?) and the show's plot lines seemed to be implying Daphne will end up as a Feral eventually. im not sure if it'd be Daphne then that people think died at the end of the first season or if it would be someone else. regarding your character (was it Nate?) i think he had a sister didnt he? i thought maybe if he did, he thought she died in the war but actually she lived. she was at a friends house or something so he never saw what occurred with her and when he went there everything was destroyed and the bodies were too mangled and burnt to be identifiable. but maybe she doesnt remember anything or she's hurt in some hospital and recovering, and eventually they could run into each other but she may or may not know who he is. the only thing is i dont think we should have the secret agent aspect to Grayson but we could have one of the other characters be some vigilante or law enforcement person of some sort if we wanted. or we could leave that out altogether. i also completely arbitrarily chose 7 characters so you can increase or decrease as you like.

8:51 am - email from Ais to “Sonny”

also these are just random ideas for the series plot which isnt that important anyway so you can feel free to add/change/suggest/whatever... i just wanted to email you those general ideas before i could forget

8:53 am - email from “Sonny” to Ais

im kind of confused by people becoming ferals unless they were kidnapped and kept among them for long periods of times? because i implied that ferals were people who basically never left the wastelands after the war and became mentally and physically changed because of the way they live and what they saw, so i dont think it would make sense that someone "becomes a feral" unless theyve been kidnapped for some reason and held there for several years until they forget who they were/adapt to the life in the wastelands/bombed out cities. also though, the ones who live very far from working cities and towns are cannibals

9:00 am - email from Ais to “Sonny”

well originally i was thinking she'd be kept there for a long period of time but actually in the context of the show that wouldnt work. so maybe people just thought she was going to be killed by the ferals and eaten by the cannibals at the end of the first season. or she could have nothing to do with the ferals; it was just an idea. also, someone else couldve been in danger of dying in some more normal way, like just a fight with scavengers or something. maybe an unexploded bomb went off too, who knows. or they could also touch on the rebels and have some rebel attack put someone in danger or someone joins some rebel group. i dont really care, theyre all just random ideas im throwing out

9:04 am - email from “Sonny” to Ais

i dont care about what all happens but like you said, her being kept there for long enough time for that to happen wouldnt work on a show unless there was a time jump. i assume the show takes place soon after the war

9:05 am - email from Ais to “Sonny”

yeah so forget about the turning into a feral thing. the main thing was i just thought it could be kind of fun/cool to get in parts of the original icos idea

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rereading that now, I feel like I sound a bit bitchy in my replies on the feral stuff, even though in looking at it at this moment I think “Sonny”’s response makes total sense and I agree with “him” on that part of the email. No idea if I was feeling pissy/impatient that day and I truly was a bit tetchy in my replies, or if I was just super distracted writing or editing so I was being especially lazy about punctuation and paying attention to tone and accidentally made it sound a little more abrupt than I would if I were trying to be careful about that.

Anyway this seems to be the majority of the extra info I have on it. 

[goddamnelsa]

Liz’s Top Books of 2020

blatantly stolen from @alamorn but also i wanted to feel accomplished that i did in fact read published books this year before descending entirely into mdzs/the untamed fanfiction :) :) :) :)

In two parts! Books I read that actually came out in 2020, and then honorable mentions of books I read in 2020 that were published in previous years. Enjoy!

Top Books Published in 2020 (which are not in any kind of order because I can’t like rank stuff, I’m not that kind of person)

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin

What can I say except it’s N.K. Jemisin who wrote my favorite high fantasy series (The Inheritance Trilogy), won three consecutive Hugo Awards for her The Broken Earth trilogy, and she’s writing urban fantasy with Lovecraftian and superhero team flavor. I mean....obviously I was at the top of the wait list for this once my library ordered it. And it lived up to the hype!! Because of course!! It’s fabulously fast-paced with amazingly smart and interesting characters of diverse backgrounds. I kept thinking one of them was my favorite, and then another would have a great line and I would change my mind. It’s fine, they’re all technically one entity with several parts, so I can love them all and not choose (but it’s probably Bronca, let’s be real). And it’s the first of a series! And I’m counting down the days til there is more!

Axiom’s End by Lindsay Ellis

I definitely picked this up simply because Lindsay Ellis, one of my favorite video essayists, wrote it, and then ended up loving everything about it. I’m not usually one for First Contact stories, but I appreciate the very human-focused approach here, sticking solely to an ordinary girl’s perspective as she navigates being the person first in contact with a very alien alien. Cora’s attempts to humanize Ampersand are relatable, but I appreciate Ellis reminding us at almost every turn that Ampersand is super Not Human, no matter how much Cora reads into his actions. Ellis doesn’t gloss over the Science part either, especially when it comes to the race of aliens Ampersand belongs to. Again, the first of a series, and you will absolutely be screaming for the next book when this one is over.

You Had Me At Hola by Alexis Daria

Insert my obligatory “I don’t usually read romances blah blah blah.” Though, during lockdown, I attempted to branch out beyond my usual genres when I was attending a ton of publisher webinars about upcoming books. This one stood out to me because of its Latinx cast and the whole behind-the-scenes of a Jane The Virgin-esque show, based on a telenovela (of course). It is fantastic, a quick read with instantly likable and fun characters. And the tropes! We’re playing love interests but we have insane chemistry! A sensitive, traumatized male lead who learns to open up again! A sassy but insecure female lead who learns to let loose and love again! Hooking up, but we have to keep on the DL or else scandal! And of course, the extended families add to every scene they are in--I loved every interaction Ashton and Jasmine had with their families, it was the cherry on top of a fantastic read. Also the sex scenes are steamy. 

Beetle and the Hollowbones by Aliza Layne

I got this graphic novel as an advanced reader copy well before it came out, and after reading it, I was sCREAMING because I couldn’t tell all my graphic novel, queer coming-of-age-with-magic loving friends to immediately pick up a copy!! So thankfully, it’s out now, so I can scream to the heavens to please read this!!! It is such a sweet story with beautiful full-color art and fantastic world-building. It has the same silly, referential humor you see in a lot of kids/YA graphic novels these days, but Beetle packs in a lot of heart as well. 

Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Jason Reynolds and Ibram X. Kendi

Like many people in May/June of this year, I was reading, reading, reading a lot of books about racism from as many Black authors as I could get my hands on. There were many not published this year that should definitely be read (So You Want To Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo being among the top), but this book really stuck with me because it is written specifically for a younger audience, and Jason Reynolds knows how to talk to kids about tough subjects. Stamped gets across difficult concepts like assimilationists and segregationists in an easy-to-understand, conversational style that doesn’t take away from any of the important history and nuance. This certainly is not The Book of antiracism studies, but it is a good starting point if you are daunted by lengthy title lists and aren’t sure where to begin. I highly recommend the audiobook as well, read by Reynolds himself.

(Side note: I watched this keynote address with Reynolds and Kendi which is an excellent primer into the background of how this book came to be. Reynolds is also just very interesting to listen to)

Honorable Mentions aka Books I read in 2020 that were published in previous years again, not ranked because I CAN’T, OKAY

White Is For Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

I read this book and then wanted to go back and read it immediately again, not necessarily because it was so amazing, but because I felt like I would get it even more if I did. This is a haunting little book that took turns I was not expecting, even with the book synopsis I read. It is disturbing and features descriptions of an eating disorder, so proceed with caution. However, if you like Gothic tales of haunted houses and the trauma inflicted on us by those who came before, I can’t recommend this one enough.

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

My last book club read before the pandemic D: We didn’t actually get to meet to discuss this book, but my club (all librarians) were working at our emergency call center at the same time and all reading it, so we KINDA got to discuss it, if not in a formal book club setting. ANYWAY, it’s a thrilling jaunt through 1920s Mexico, following a fantastic Cinderella-esque heroine who makes a deal with a Mayan god to retrieve his body. If you are a fan of the Percy Jackson-brand of mythological adventures, this is definitely one to add to your list, especially if you are looking for something a little bit more Adult.

Scary Stories for Young Foxes by Christian McKay Heidicker

Okay, I know it’s a young readers/middle grade book, but HEAR ME OUT. This is whimsical and haunting tale about seven little fox kits who set out to scare themselves shitless by hearing scary tales. Only one kit will remain when the night is over, but the one who does will get to hear a surprisingly sweet, and well-earned, happy ending. If you are a Neil Gaiman-esque horror fan, I recommend picking this up. Its scares are fairly scary, especially for its audience, but it’s an engaging story about the lengths we will go for the ones we love.

Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse

Did someone say Navajo monster-hunting heroine with magic powers navigating a post-apocalyptic world, oh and also saving it??? Look, Maggie is My Kind of Hero, in that she’s damaged, she drinks too much, she’s surly, but she has a seriously gooey heart of gold underneath all that armor. Navajo mythology is woven into this tale of monster-hunting, surviving. If you’re in Supernatural-disappointment-land, maybe give this a try! It has that Western-y, road trip feel to it, and again, I love the lead character. (It also has a currently published sequel and a soon-to-be-released third book as well!)

This is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

This was rec’ed to me by a librarian friend, with the words, “Oh, Liz, you’ll really like this.” And she was RIGHT. Red and Blue are on opposite sides of a war waged across time and decide to send letters to each other, at first, to taunt, but then, to understand, to learn, and to love. The details of the war don’t matter much, but what does matter is the achingly beautiful poetry with which Red and Blue reveal themselves to each other. I was told to listen to this one, but I’m glad I read it myself instead. The prose is very purple at times, and I appreciated being able to go back to passages to reread again and again. Oh, and it’s queer (Red and Blue are both female), and SPOILERS SPOILERS has a happy ending. 

(also there is a wangxian remix for my mdzs buds. and also a semi-officially sanctioned fanfic sequel???? at least amal el-mohtar linked it from goodreads so whoo! also also it’s very funny)

And that’s my Year in Books 2020! Seeing it laid out like this, I had a surprisingly good year for book reading even though I felt like I barely read anything. For awhile, reading was Hard, and I just wanted to consume fluffy, sweet fanfiction, but I’m getting back into it. Oh, and please let me know if you check any of these out!

Here’s to a good year for books in 2021! ✨

[p-artsypants]

Longest Night (31)

Ao3 | FF.net

--

She awoke. The room was dim, and just the right amount of warm. Her throat felt dry and her limbs weak. She didn’t know if she had the energy to speak.

“Emilie?” A woman’s soft voice asked.

“Hmm?” She hummed back.

A hand fell on hers. “Good to see you awake. You’ve been asleep for a long time.”

“How…long?”

“Four years.”

She blinked more, trying to clear the haze on her mind.

“Shh, keep resting. You’re still very weak.”

“Where…?”

“We’re in Tibet, in the temple of the Guardians.”

“Temple…?”

The woman, now recognized as Gabriel’s secretary Nathalie, chuckled softly. “Go back to sleep. I’ll catch you up later.”

“Where’s…my husband? And Adrien?”

“Gabriel’s in Paris and…we’re not sure where Adrien is…that’s why Gabriel’s not here.”

Emilie pushed up on the mattress. “Adrien’s missing?! Why!?”

“Shh…” Nathalie pushed her back down by the shoulder. “Please Emilie, don’t strain yourself.”

“Well, I’m wide awake now, so you better get explaining!”

Nathalie rolled her eyes. “Will you relax if I do?”

“…Yes ma’am.”

“Alright…well. It started about a year after you fell asleep…”  

—

Everything happened in a whirlwind of action. Everyone wanted to know what was happening, and wanted to be a part of helping. The Gorilla got a police escort to the hospital, driving Alya and Gabriel, while Nino volunteered to stay behind and lock up. News vans followed the ambulance and car. Traffic stopped and pulled over as the cars zoomed through the city.

At the hospital, Marinette and Adrien were unloaded and rushed into surgery. Sabine, still transformed, and Tom were escorted to a private waiting room.

And then, silence.

All the rushing and shouting, it stopped.

Sabine stood in the room, trembling.

“I believe the phrase was ‘spots off’, darling.” Tom said softly.

“Hm? Oh, Spots Off.” The whirlwind pink disappeared just as it came, and Tikki appeared in front of her, barely staying afloat.  

“Madam Cheng?” She asked weakly.

“What is it, dear?”

“Um…I’m really hungry from the cure…do you have any cookies?”

Sabine gave her a sympathetic smile. “So you’re the little mouse that steals my cookies at night.”

Tikki smiled sheepishly.

“I don’t have any on me right now, but lets see what’s in this vending machine.”

Tikki settled for a bag of mini chocolate chip cookies and took her meal to eat on a chair.

Not much later, Gabriel, the Gorilla, and Alya were escorted into the room by a nurse.

“They got in alright?” Gabriel asked.

“Yes, they got right in. They didn’t even ask Tom and I for any medical information.”

“Ah, yes, that would be my doing.”

Tom and Sabine shared a look. “What do you mean?”

Gabriel thought for a second, then admitted, “I could have sworn I already told you, but perhaps in the rush of things, I forgot to mention it. I apologize. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I asked if you had packed up your medical files with your belongings?”

“Oh! Yes, you asked for Marinette’s!”

“Yes, this hospital has assembled a specific team of specialists to prepare for them. They studied the stream and have everything they need to get started right away.”

“Wow, that’s smart!” Commented Alya. “Was that your idea, Mr. Agreste?”

“I wish, but no. It was Dr. Ernest Boucher, an akuma victim who wanted to pay off his debt. We’ve taken care of everything. The bill is squared. You only have to worry about Marinette.”

Sabine let out a sob. “Thank you!”

Gabriel tried to smile, but it fell flat. “Don’t thank me yet. I’m not worthy of gratitude.”

At that, Tikki looked over to him, aware that she was exposed to the parents, but not really noticing it until now.

Alya knelt on the floor next to her chair. “Hi there, I’m Alya.” She introduced.

“Oh, I know.” Tikki said with a smile. “I’m well acquainted with you. So is Trixx.”

At the name, Trixx popped out of Alya’s shirt. “Heya Tik!”

“Hi Trixx!”

The fox floated down and joined Tikki on the chair. “Wayzz is with Nino and Pollen is with Chloe.”

“Nino should be here soon,” Alya provided. “He stayed behind to make sure everything was locked up at the bakery. Don’t want reporters getting in there after all.”

The door to the waiting room opened, a police officer entering. “Captain David Phillips,” he introduced with a bob of the head. “I’m in charge of security for your children during their stay here.”

Sabine breathed, another worry dissuaded. “Oh thank you!”

“Of course, Mrs. Cheng. There will be officers posted at each of their rooms. All staff working with them have already gone through background checks, and have been picked by Dr. Ernst Boucher to work on his team. If I may, I would like to write up a list of people with clearance to visit. My recommendation is that you keep the list short. It is likely the team won’t allow any guests besides immediate family in the beginning.”

“Right.”

He took out a notebook. “Of course, I have Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, and Gabriel Agreste on the list. Anyone else I should add?”

“Alya Cesaire and Nino Lahiffe,” Sabine stated. “And Roland and Gina Dupain.”

“Arthur Chevalier and Chloe Bourgeois.” Added Gabriel. “But not the mayor. I’d rather he stay away.”

The chief nodded, noting this all down. “Anyone else?”

“Oh! And Wang Fu.” Said Sabine.

“Alright. Anyone else?”

“Not at this time.”

“Alright. Just let me know if you need to edit the list. My men have strict instructions not to allow anyone in who does not have clearance. We are also keeping an eye out on both of your homes.”

“Thank you, Captain Phillips.”  

“My pleasure. I’ll leave you alone now.” And he left.

The Gorilla took a chair and gestured a thumb to the door, indicating he would wait outside.

“Thank you, Arthur.” Gabriel breathed.

Sabine collapsed into a chair next to Tikki, her hand resting on her face.

“Are you alright?” Tikki asked softly.

“I’m fine, dear. Just a little migraine.”

Tikki floated up and pressed her forehead to Sabine’s humming slightly. “Did that help?”

“Y-yes. It’s gone!”

Tikki smiled. “It’s not much, but I aid healing. You should give the earrings back to Marinette as soon as you can.”

“I was planning on it.”

Gabriel smirked at the conversation, and took a seat as well. There wasn’t much else to do but sit and wait. He took out his phone and checked his email. It wasn’t likely that he’d hear back from Nathalie on a constant basis. The Temple was out of cellular rage, and was still in the past as far as technology went. In order to send an email, she would have to hike down to the village. And that required her to be healed.

So it was to his great surprise that an email from Nathalie awaited him in his inbox.

Gabriel,

The Miraculous Guardians have been successful. I am writing this email on my first full hike down to the village with the monks. I’m feeling much better. Maybe the best I’ve felt in my life.

Emilie woke up yesterday evening. I told her a little bit of what’s happened while she’s been asleep. So far, she knows that you used the butterfly Miraculous to try to get a hold of the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous in order to wake her up. She fell back asleep after that. She doesn’t know Adrien was the Black Cat. She knows that Adrien is missing, but I didn’t get that far into the explanation. I also did not tell her that you are considered a villain in Paris.

She is very weak, but the guardians assure me that she’ll make a full recovery. It may be a few weeks still. I will stay with her until she is ready to go home.

On a more professional note, I would like to take some time off after this. Nothing against you or Emilie, but my heart is in a dangerous place in regards to you. I need some time to put aside my feelings. I will return to work with you eventually.

Please feel free to email me back. I will return to the village tomorrow, as I have been assured that it is good for my health.

I am eager to hear how things are going with the investigation of Marinette and Adrien.

Cordially,

Nathalie Sancoeur

A smile graced his face as relief flooded through him. Tears came to his eyes, but he blinked them away before anyone would notice.

Emilie was awake!

And Nathalie was better!

And now, just to wait for Adrien. And Marinette too, of course. But mostly Adrien.

Rereading the email, a sinking feeling settled on his stomach. How was he suppose to explain his actions to Emilie? He certainly couldn’t lie to make it seem less horrible than it was.

He was definitely regretting some of his desperation.

“Oh yes darling, I am a terrorist and our son was fighting day and night to defeat me. Because of my actions, Adrien was picked to be a hero, and subsequently got kidnapped and tortured. But he’s fine now.”

Yeah, that sounded like a sane man.

Dear Nathalie,

Thank you for emailing me so promptly. I’m overjoyed to hear that you are doing better and that Emilie is finally awake. Thank you for being brief with her about the situation. I would like to explain more of it to her in person. I believe she deserves to hear it from me at least.

I will approve your time off when the time comes. Take as long as you need, you’ve certainly earned it.

I must apologize, Nathalie. I know I took advantage of you. No other employee would have gone above and beyond the call of duty. You became ill because of my actions, and that’s something I can’t apologize enough for. Furthermore, I think it would be wise for us to part ways for a while. I know you have a special place in my heart as well, and that’s not fair to you with Emilie waking up. I desperately love my wife. And I love you too, but in a different way. As my colleague, my confident, my friend. Thank you for all you have done. For raising our son for us, for managing the company, for Mayura. All of it.

You are forever welcome in our home, whatever you choose to do.

What more, I know Adrien has high regards of you. And he will be missing you turning his recovery. That’s right, they’ve been found! Both Marinette and Adrien are in grave shape though. I’m writing this from the hospital. I’ll tell you everything later.

Enjoy Tibet.

Sincerely,

Gabriel

And he sent it.

What came next, who could tell? His emotions straddled somewhere in limbo between anxious and optimistic. Looking around to the various states of worry in the room, he decided he didn’t belong with them. So he stood, and walked out, not offering a word to anyone as to where he was going.

He wasn’t quite sure where that was either.

He passed Nino in the hall, who gave him a questioning look.

“Coffee,” he responded automatically, giving himself an excuse.

“I’ll come along.” Said the teenager, squashing his hopes to be alone.

But he didn’t blame Nino. He wouldn’t trust himself alone either. For a while, they walked in silence, riding the elevator down to the first floor without a word.

It was evening now, dinner time for most folks. But neither Gabriel or Nino found themselves to be hungry in any capacity. There was a small cafe within the food court open, with a short line. The men stood next to each other, lost in their own thoughts.

“Your arm healed with the cure, right?” Nino suddenly asked, quiet so others wouldn’t overhear.

“Yes. The stitches are gone and everything.”

They stepped up and made their order. Gabriel ordered a black coffee for himself, while Nino ordered specific drinks for everyone else.

“That’ll be 24.86.” Said the cashier.

Gabriel handed over his card. “I’ll take care of it.”

Nino smirked as they went to sit at a nearby table to wait for their order.

“Sorry…” Nino began. “I didn’t mean to tag along if you needed a minute, I just…”

“It’s fine,” Gabriel stated, fiddling with a salt shaker on the table. “I’m the enemy after all, I should be watched at all times.”

“That’s not what I meant…your son is…he’s in the hospital and the future is uncertain. I’m just worried about you.”

“Thank you, but I don’t need your concern.” He said, a little harshly.

Nino sighed. “Adrien told me…after you lost your wife, you became a lot colder. No offense, but I’m worried for you for Adrien’s sake.”

Gabriel took a moment to relax his hunched shoulders and exhale slowly. He was way too tense, and that wasn’t good for anyone. “I’m sorry. I know it’s been a few years now, but I treated you unfairly the first time we met. I called you something unsavory, when all you were trying to do was make Adrien happy. That’s all you’ve ever tried to do. Thank you for ignoring my wishes and continuing to be his friend.”

Nino actually smiled at him. “Don’t worry about it dude—er, sir. Besides, you let me DJ that one fashion show. That was super cool!”

“You did a fine job. I’ll let you know if any more opportunities arise.”

“Thanks dude!”

Gabriel smirked. “You’re welcome…dude.”  

Nino erupted in violent laughter, nearly falling out of his chair.

“Forget I said anything.” Gabriel said flatly.

“Agreste!” Called the Barista.

The boys gathered their drinks and returned to the waiting room, still in silence, but a lighter feeling than before.

In the waiting room, Nino set the drinks on the little table and confessed he just picked out six drinks that looked interesting. One for each person, and one for the kwami’s to share.

Gabriel sat against a wall, watching the exchange while sipping on his black coffee. It felt awkward, as the elephant in the room sat between him and all these kind people. He rubbed his thumb over his ring finger, a force of habit from when he wore a wedding ring. His had been taken by Felix, so he wore Emilie’s for a while. But when she was taken to Tibet, he gave it back. Now he longed to have something to fidget with.

He reached into his pocket, immediately feeling the cool metal of Adrien’s Miraculous.

He had forgotten he picked it up. He just assumed his pocket was a safer place for it than Marinette’s bedroom. He took it out, resting the ring on his palm. It looked and felt like any other ring. He turned it over with his fingers, studying the design before it flashed green.

Plagg rocketed out, awake. “Adrien!” He shouted.

Well, if anyone was unaware of Chat Noir’s identity, he just blew it. But luckily, that wasn’t a problem in this room.

Plagg spun around, his eyes frantic. This was not the last place he was awake. The last thing he saw was that woman and she took off the ring—

He turned around, facing Gabriel, and saw the ring in his hand.

“Why do you have that?” He asked darkly.

“I—…” Gabriel gaped.

“That doesn’t belong to you! Give it back! That’s my kitten’s!” He shouted.

“Plagg…” Tikki tried to calm him down.

“Where is he?! What did you do to him!?”

Gabriel raise his hands in a pacifying nature. “Adrien’s in surgery.”

“Surgery!?! What did you do to him?!”

“He didn’t do anything, Plagg!” Tikki shook him. “It was that woman! That woman that stole the Miraculous! She hurt Marinette too!”

And then Nooroo peeked ever so slightly out of Gabriel’s pocket.

All hell broke loose.

“You!” Plagg grabbed Gabriel’s shirt, and yanked him to stand. “You disgusting piece of filth! Give me one good reason not to kill you this second!”

“Plagg!” Tikki grabbed him and tried to force the fabric from his paws. “Let him go!”

“You monster! Do you know how many nights I had to comfort him because of your abuse!? How many times he cried because you neglected him!? You might be his father, but you aren’t his dad! You’re a walking shit stain! Scum of the earth! A selfish, evil, pathetic excuse for a man! I hate you! I hate what you did to him! I hate what you did to both of them! And now this!? How could you betray him!?”

Gabriel wasn’t able to fight back. He was too stunned to say anything. This tiny creature could destroy him with a single breath.

“Plagg, stop it. You’re not thinking clearly!”

“I’m not thinking clearly!? Tikki! He’s Hawkmoth!”

“What?!”

“Nooroo! Nooroo get your ass out here!”

Tikki gasped as the lilac butterfly came into view, looking completely ashamed.

Plagg continued his rant, oblivious to the slack jaws in the room. “Is there a single person in your life that you haven’t hurt?! Haven’t manipulated into doing your biding!?”

“I didn’t mean to—“

“I’ve seen centuries, you vile worm! I’ve lived among humans as long as they’ve existed! So you listen to me when I say you are nothing but evil, Gabriel Agreste! Your heart is full of hatred and you aren’t capable of love! Not towards your son! Not towards your wife! That’s why she left you!”

Gabriel ripped his shirt out of the kwami’s paws. “She didn’t leave me!”

Plagg let him go, curious, but still fuming, as to why that was the only thing he argued.

“You’re right. I’m vile, and cruel, and evil. But Emilie didn’t leave. She…” He swallowed.

Everyone was watching him carefully, partly in fear of his violence. Partly because they wanted to give him a chance to redeem himself.

“The Peacock Miraculous is broken.” He began. “It was broken when we got it, though I didn’t know at the time. Emilie and I…we bought them from a vender in Tibet. Along with a book. We used them as inspiration in our designs. And for a while, thats all we used them for. But…Emilie, she always wore the peacock because she loved her Kwami so dearly. But Dusuu…she stole Emilie’s energy. And eventually, she fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up.” Gabriel fell into his chair, his head in his hands. “I didn’t know what to do. The doctors had no answers. She wasn’t dead, but…” He shook his head. “Nooroo told me there was a chance to save her, if I could get the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous. I could unify their powers and make an ultimate wish.”

“So, you had to lure us out.” Said Tikki. “By akumatizing people.”

“Yes,” Gabriel breathed. “So many times, things went too far, and I told myself I’d quit. But then I’d get so close and…it just got worse and worse. I neglected everything. I was obsessed! And then—And then Salo captured them.” He hugged his arms around his waist, feeling sick. “I had a hunch once, that Adrien was Chat Noir. He always wore the same ring, and got defensive when I asked him about it. But he was too clever and diverted my attention from him. It came as a shock when I saw his costume come off. All this time, I was trying to protect him…trying to bring his mother back and make us a family again…but all I did was drive him away. This is all my fault. Not Master Fu’s, not even Salo’s…I’m responsible for this.”

Plagg said nothing, just glared and listened.

Gabriel raised his head to look into the kwami’s ancient green eyes. “So you’d be doing Adrien a favor by killing me.”

Plagg groaned at the sacrificial tone. Humans were just so stupid. “No, I wouldn’t. That kid loves you. I don’t know why, but he does. So, if you are really repentant, and whatever…then you better start acting like a father. Getting rid of you would just hurt him more…he doesn’t need any more loss.”

Gabriel smiled the tiniest bit. “There is something good that came out of this.”

Plagg looked at him skeptically.

“Master Fu revealed himself to us. In order to apologize. I took him aside and explained all of this. He arranged Emilie and Nathalie to go to Tibet and see the Guardian’s at the temple. Nathalie just emailed. Emilie…she’s awake. She’s alright. Adrien will have his mother back.”

Gabriel continued to smile as Plagg stared right back, something akin to pity on his face. “So what? You think this is happily ever after now?”

Gabriel’s smile fell.

“Adrien doesn’t need his mom anymore. He thought she was dead. He grieved. Alone. And then he healed and moved on. He found family in his friends. You’re the one that stayed behind in denial. Instead of dealing with the consequences of your actions, you brought everyone else down into madness with you. Do you know what seeing her alive again will do to him? Do you know how badly that will mess him up? Knowing that she was alive the whole time and she didn’t return? Or that you didn’t tell him!?”

Gabriel’s face paled. “I tried to tell him…but I didn’t think he’d understand.”

“He wouldn’t’ve. I barely understand it myself, and only because it’s over now.”

Tikki floated a few inches away from Plagg, as he continued to crackle with energy.

“This is stupid. I’ve wasted enough time here listening to your pathetic excuses. I have to see him! I promised I’d never leave him alone again!” He darted through the nearest door in frantic energy.

“Plagg!” Tikki shouted, flying after. Trixx and Wayzz hurried to catch up as well.

In the hall, Plagg rushed around, peeking in every room he came into, and stopping every time he saw a blond head.

When it became clear that Adrien wasn’t on the floor, he darted through the floor and went on his search.

“Adrien! Adrien!” He cried, startling nurses and patients alike.

Plagg pulled up short in front of a man in full scrubs, mask and gloves. “Where’s Adrien!?” He asked.

The man blinked. “I—What?”

“Adrien! Adrien Agreste! Where is he!? I need to see him!”

“I believe he’s in surgery…what are you?”

“Where!?” Plagg just screamed louder. Then he caught sight of the white board on the wall. A quick glance showed the name Agreste in room OR4.

He was off again, without a look back.

Frantic, he flitted from room to room, tracking the numbers.

Then finally, he found it. OR4.

He burst in the doors, startling those inside. “Adrien!”

A nurse looked at him, tilted her head, and said, “I’m sorry, you can’t be in here…”

“He needs me! Please!” But as he came closer, dread wrapped around him. It had to be Adrien. There was a young man on the operating table, laying on his stomach. The height was the same, the hair was still that golden wheat color. But he was so skinny and pale...

But the worst part was that from the base of his neck to his lower calves, deep gashes cut into his skin and muscle. The worst was around his shoulder blades, which were visible through the gore.

“What are you doing to him?” Plagg’s voice came out hollow, and afraid.

The head surgeon looked up at him, his eyes narrowing. “I’m Dr. Ernst Boucher, in charge of Adrien and Marinette’s surgeries and recoveries. Who…and what, are you?”

“I’m Plagg.”

“Ah, I see,” said he and then gestured him forward with a bloody finger.

The team watched him as he floated closer, and hovered over Adrien’s heart.

“We’ve studied the footage very carefully. He called for you, asking where you were.”

“Footage? What are you talking about?”

The doctor pointed to the table, right beside Adrien’s neck. “You can sit here.”

Plagg floated down and nuzzled against his chosen.

“Ladybug and Chat Noir were kidnapped and their identities were revealed on camera.”

“So everyone knows?”

“The whole world knows. They’ve been broadcasting them for about a month and a half now. Live torture at any hour of the day.”

“A month…?” Plagg’s voice was gravelly and weak. “They were tortured?”

“Yes.” Said the doctor, as he continued the surgery. “Adrien has a some pretty severe tissue damage all through here.”

“How did this happen?”

The doctor was quiet for a moment, giving instructions to his team members, before answering, “Several hours of flogging with a cat-o-nine tails.”

Plagg didn’t say anything after that, just let out a quiet sob and snuggled closer to Adrien’s neck.  

—

Hours later, the group in the waiting room were high with anxiety. Gabriel continued to sit in the corner with his head in his hands. Light conversation had flittered around the room, but no one dared bring up Hawkmoth’s sad origin.

Tikki, Trixx, and Wayzz had returned after about a half hour, when they concluded Plagg was nowhere to be found, and he likely wanted to be left alone.

Alya rested her head on Nino’s shoulder while she napped. Tom and Sabine played cards at the table.

Then the door opened. There stood a doctor in still bloody scrubs, with a black blob in his hand.

“Are you Dr. Boucher?” Gabriel asked, at attention.

“That’s right. Mr. Agreste?” He held out his free hand for a hand shake. “Nice to meet you in person. Glad we were able to get on this as soon as possible.” He turned to Tom and Sabine. “Mr. Dupain? Mrs. Cheng? Marinette’s all stitched up. She has received a blood transfusion and a whooping 19 stitches on her back. Right now, we’re monitoring a pretty severe case of pneumonia, as well as an infection in her hand and her feet. We have her on an IV with antibiotics to help with this. She’s also on a ventilator to help with her breathing. She has some scarring on her neck from strangulation, but as that happened a while ago, I think any damage has healed. Examining the footage, we’ve deduced that the food they were giving them is what’s known as ‘food loaf’ a old prison practice. Leftover meals are blended and then cooked into a flavorless loaf. But most of the nutrients are there. While they aren’t completely starved, we still will have to ease them into a regular diet to avoid refeeding syndrome. They will both be drinking a lot of water and juice high in electrolytes.” He noticed the other kwamis sitting on a chair, watching them, and brought Plagg over to join them. He was asleep and curled up into a ball. “Marinette will be extremely tired because of the infections. She’s not likely to wake up for several days. And when she does, I’m not certain about her mental state. She will be confused, but that’s understandable.”

“What about Adrien?” Gabriel asked, once the man seemed finished.

Dr. Boucher sighed. “Adrien is still in surgery, or…more precisely, he’s back in surgery. His flogging wounds were much more severe since he was whipped for a longer period of time. He is being stitched where he can, but we had to do a split-depth skin graft over his shoulder blades. The whip went deep into his muscles and tore out his flesh right down to the bone. We were able to suture the muscles back together, but the skin was too far apart to stitch back together. We took a sample from his inner thigh that was wide enough to cover his wound.”

“So what’s happening to him now?”

“Now the team is preparing to examine his sternum. In the early part of their stay, he sustained a wound from a crowbar to the chest. During the wedding, the bruising was visible and I can already tell he has a few broken ribs. He may even have flail chest, where the ribs float in the plural cavity and can damage other organs.” He frowned, his lip pulling further on one side. “This is a very difficult case. In order to do either surgery, Adrien had to risk the other wound. Obviously, the back was the most pressing, even with the pressure his akuma suit put on the wound, it was still bleeding fiercely. In order to get it properly cared for, he would have to lay on his front, risking the broken rib. It’s a tricky situation.”

Gabriel didn’t say anything, just closed his eyes in defeat.

“Besides those wounds, I’m assuming Adrien also has pneumonia, as he was exposed to the same conditions as Marinette. Because of the blood loss, he entered Hypovolemic shock, and achieved stage 4, which resulted in kidney and heart failure. With a blood transfusion, he should be on the mend, as his heart rate has steadily decreased and his hyperpnea has slowed. His breathing still doesn’t sound good, but it’s a lot slower and stable. That leads me to believe that he’s come out of shock. We will have to monitor his kidney output.”

Gabriel collapsed in a chair, his head in his hands.

“He also has infection in his hand where he was branded. And unfortunately, the upper part of his left ear will have to be removed. The infection has turned gangrenous and could infect the bloodstream.”

“Please tell me that’s all…” Gabriel whispered.

“Once he has stabilized, we will operate on his arm. The dislocation of his shoulder has likely stretched his tendons, and his arm will not be usable until that is fixed. And, I have no proof of this, but I think he may have vocal nodules, little growths on his vocal chords that prevent him from speaking. This is usually caused by excessive screaming.”

“Can I see him?”

Dr. Boucher sighed again, and rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Mr. Agreste, I can’t let you see your son right now. And it’s with a heavy heart I tell you…he may not survive the night. He lost a lot of blood.”

A sob broke out of the man. “But you gave him a transfusion! He has enough blood now!”

“Yes, but he’s not getting enough oxygen to his body! We’ve introduced a ventilator, but there’s not much else we can do with the pneumonia and nodules.” He swallowed. “It’s up to Adrien now.”

The room was silent as Nino embraced Alya, Tom held his wife, and misery choked Gabriel.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t give you more good news, but I wanted to provide an update as soon as I could. I have to go back now. We’re beginning Adrien’s rib fixation.”

No one tried to stop him.

He nodded once, and left the room.

Gabriel didn’t move, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating. And he was all alone. This was when he really needed his wife. She deserved to know what was happening. But there was no way, in good conscience he could tell her. Not after all he did to her.

“Mr. Agreste?” A tiny voice spoke up.

Gabriel raised his eyes to a little red kwami, looking at him with so much pity he could drown in it.

“I’m Tikki, Marinette’s kwami.” She introduced, pleasantly.

He looked away from her.

“You know, Adrien’s really strong. And he really loves Marinette, so I don’t think he’d give up on her.”

“Why are you talking to me?” It was just a curious question, but came out so harshly in his voice. “Don’t you know who I am?”

She blinked. “You’re Hawkmoth.”

His lip twitched in disgust.

“But you’re also Adrien’s father, and Marinette’s favorite fashion designer.”

“I’m also responsible for this.” He spat. “If not for me, then they wouldn’t—“

“Perhaps not.” Said Tikki, wisely. “But it could have been someone else. Someone who would have been tortured and killed. They wouldn’t have been rescued, and the woman wouldn’t have been caught. She would keep on hurting people. No matter what you’ve told yourself, or what others may have said…this isn’t your fault. It’s Salo’s.”

He shook his head. “Regardless, I’ve still hurt so many people. I’ve hurt my son! Everything would have been better without me.”

“Really? Because…without you, I would have never met Marinette. And Plagg would have never met Adrien. And he’ll never admit it, but Adrien’s his favorite wielder.”

Gabriel just stared at her and listened.

“Without you, people would have never gotten to experience the thrill of superheroes. Adrien and Marinette wouldn’t have gotten to be superheroes. We keep focusing on the trials they had to endure, but not the joys they felt. Marinette’s boost in confidence, Adrien’s freedom to let loose. Paris wouldn’t have a reason to fight for positivity…And Ladybug and Chat Noir would have never become friends.”

“Marinette and Adrien know each other from school.” He argued.

“But the unwavering trust, the absolute devotion, that came from their bond as heroes. Not from being classmates.”

Gabriel hugged his stomach with one arm, as a hand ran through his already wild hair. He chanced a glance to the other side of the room, to see everyone staring at him.

He swallowed. “I have to turn myself in. I have to go to prison.”

“No, don’t.” Said Sabine, standing to walk over to him. “Hawkmoth is retired. He saved them, and that’s enough for me.”

His eyebrows raised. “Are you sure?”

“I know you want to do the right thing, Gabriel. But think of Adrien. He’ll need all the love and support he can get. I know Tom loves him like a son, but there’s no replacement for a father.”

Gabriel hunched his shoulders.

“And besides, do you really want him dealing with the press of that discovery? Do you think that’s fair in the wake of what’s happened?”

He scowled. “No. That’s not fair to him at all.”

“Then, here’s the deal.” She sat in the chair next to him, and made herself look professional. “You are going to get your act together. You’re going to be better. You’re going to be a dad for that boy. You’re going to get therapy and leave the past in the dust. Do we have an agreement?” She held out her hand.

Gabriel inhaled deeply, sitting up. He combed his hair back. “It won’t be easy. But I’ll do my best. In return, I ask that you call me out if you see me slipping into previous behaviors.”

“Oh, I promise I will.”

“Then we have a deal.”

And they shook on it.      

[kristallioness]

"Legacy of The Fire Nation" - a (short) review

*preordered book arrives before official release date*.. Umm, was I secretly selected to be a preview reader or something? Not that I'm complaining, cause my copy of "Legacy of The Fire Nation" already arrived on the 1st of February (the release date is supposed to be the 4th) and I read it through yesterday evening!

It's been a long while since I've had such feels for Uncle and Zuko, but this book brought them all out into the open again. I teared up in the end. Here's a short summary of some of the most notable parts (or things that I really liked about this book):

Iroh journeyed into the Spirit World in order to find his son after his death.

"You are a gift in my life, Zuko, and I am so honored to be your uncle. I hope this part makes you cry. Just make sure you don't cry on this ink; it will run and then so will all of this wonderfully poetic sentiment."

The previous quote is right next to the illustration of Iroh mourning his son at his grave, with a beautiful sunset in the background.

7-year-old Zuko's letter sounds just like me and my writing when I was that little. It's so childish, yet sincere and innocent. Please note that little Zuko really liked paper dragons.

"And then, your heart burned brightest when you protected Katara." - Iroh telling Zuko how the Agni Kais changed him for the better.

"The quest you went on in search of the Avatar was never about Aang. Like my journey to the Spirit World, your journey was about the hunt for yourself, your inner self. Your true self."

"Our time together stretched and pulled at our relationship. Whether we were... living through your relationship with Mai,.."

Iroh looks back to the time they spent together as the best of his long life. And he jokingly warns Zuko that: "If you don't, you are a heartless statue and your punishment shall be the tea you make yourself."

The cabbage merchant is seen in the background together with them in the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se.

I still can't get over Aang's dreamy look while he's staring at Katara waterbending a fish.

"Outside of the Avatar himself, young Katara always struck me as the most powerful, if undisciplined, bender of the age." - I really love the way Iroh describes and compares Katara's passion, fury and inner fire with Zuko's, and how "..it was there that something beautiful grew from grief: a friendship built on the bonds of warriors united in heart and cause - the blossoming of true trust."

Iroh's description of Sokka surprised me even more. I'm not gonna quote the entire page here, but what I can say is that it's accurate, funny and heartfelt. Zuko and Sokka weren't merely the prince and the fool (to one another). They were so much more.

"I never considered sarcasm a natural element - until I met Sokka, that is. If what comes out of that boy's mouth is not considered a special type of bending, I don't know what bending is. At first, I would have dismissed Sokka as the weakest link in Team Avatar as he had no elemental powers... But talking is most of what Sokka is: a mouth on legs." - Okay, I lied, I had to write this part down.

Katara's letter to Iroh, along with the precious picture of her enjoying tea with him while her babies play on the carpet, is one of the most heartwarming parts of this entire journal.

I'm beginning to think Katara was the one who started this tradition of sending letters to Iroh since she wrote down what Toph wanted to say to him, and Sokka was a tad annoyed that she's "..making me write this letter because she thinks she's our mother.".

Also, Sokka signed his letter as "..the leader of Team Avatar for life, no take-backs, no erasies, Sokka.".

"I haven't had a real family in a very long time, and you became like the uncle I always wanted." - This is Aang writing in his twenties and, after a hundred years, he finally has a family again (both in his wife Katara and their two babies, as well as his friends and allies, like Iroh). It's worth noting how cheerful and optimistic his letter to Iroh sounds like. He thanks him.. *counts*.. at least 4 times!

When Team Avatar is visiting the Jasmine Dragon, it's really funny how Sokka has his muddy boots on the table and Katara is telling him off for it (she's glaring at him, clearly annoyed, with a hand on her hip). Toph is eating all of the candies.

There is a menu for the Jasmine Dragon tea shop, and the brews are all named after the members of Team Avatar: a metal brew for Toph, the Ba Sing Quon in honor of the benefactor of the shop, the white lotus tile for the game tile in Pai Sho, an oolong tea called bender tea, which is named for Aang and Katara, the Appa blend is what we know as bubble tea (i.e. Iroh's invention) and the red-blooded nephew is.. you guessed it, inspired by Zuko's hot temper (uncle thinks it tastes like his nephew made it and that it isn't very good, but he's too lazy to take it off the menu, but I'm guessing he doesn't have the heart to do it).

The illustration of Iroh writing a letter (to Zuko, who's in his twenties now) is so beautiful and what he writes is so nostalgic. There's a 2nd letter in an envelope from Zuko, where he says that he's in Republic City to help Aang. According to him, "..It's funny, but as I grow older, I find your words coming out of my mouth." He can still hear his uncle's teachings in his ear and he's so grateful to him. Time really has passed by so fast..

During his last days, uncle Iroh decided that he'd leave his body, and his bending behind to journey to the Spirit World for good. "I picture it as my last great adventure, and I almost wish you were coming with me, but I know you have much good left to do in this world. Your work is not done, my nephew."

There's an adorable illustration of Korra and a sleepy Naga sitting on the grass, most likely in her park in Republic City, pondering over what she should write to Zuko. She says she visited the Spirit World and talked to his uncle, and now she's forwarding the letter he dictated to her. Uncle spoke very highly of him. And in the letter Korra wrote down, he tells Zuko that he can add it in this journal, so that whenever he misses him, he can read these words.

There's an illustration of 80+-year-old Zuko having tea with his uncle (most likely in the Spirit World, or something that he misses dearly?).

*opens the 3rd envelope to read his last letter to uncle*.. I-I can't..

Paper dragons... PAPER DRAGONS!

Zuko still occasionally reads and writes letters to add to this journal, to reminisce and remember his uncle. But he doesn't need to read it so often, cause he's memorized his uncle's words and thus, he keeps uncle by his side all the time.

I felt a lump forming in my throat in the end, and I teared up when I read elderly Lord Zuko's letter. And I realized.. do you guys know what this book was?

This book was the story of uncle Iroh - how he grew up to be the man he became, how the history of his nation and the roots of his family impacted him, how his and Zuko's relationship developed throughout the years, how the friends and allies they met along this journey changed their lives for the better and created unbreakable bonds, how Team Avatar entered adulthood and continued to guide the world towards peace and balance with their help...

And finally, how uncle moved forward to the Spirit World, giving way to the next generation of Team Avatar to maintain peace, how much both he and his nephew Zuko grew up (both by aging and becoming more wise), how his passing affected his nephew, and how much Zuko treasures and loves him still.

I realized.. that I was (in the role of elderly) Zuko, rereading his uncle's memories, history, teachings, letters, as well as the letters from his old friends, and missing them all terribly. *crying forever*

[motleymoose]

Lukewarm Endearments at Best

Fandom: Supernatural Characters: Gender Neutral!Reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, John Winchester (mention) Words: 2800+ Warnings: Flangst

It had been a long time coming.

Dad had always been a traveler. When he was home, he was a novelty to me, a stranger who was familiar yet so dang mysterious that it surprised me every single time my name came to his lips. Like, even as a little kid I didn’t think he’d know me from Adam unless I was right next to Mama.. And it wasn’t like I really knew him, either. How can you know someone who’s been on the road, away from you, for most of your life? Heck, when Mama passed, I didn’t even see him for at least 18 months.

Of course, he sauntered back into my life as if nothing had happened in that intervening year and a half, like I hadn’t been forced to become a responsible adult right on the cusp of 17, shirking high school, colleges and relationships in order to keep myself from drowning in debt and despair. I was angry, and I said some things I’m not proud to repeat. And like the distant, abstract saint that my father has always been, he stood there, stoically taking the tongue lashing I had saved up for him. Through all of it, I could feel my own grief growing deeper. I had lost my mother, but I realized I never really had a father to begin with. John Winchester had been a wandering canvas that I could project my ideals of fatherhood onto, and I had always been too caught up in my own little world to recognize that he was just as human as me.

Apparently a little too human. As I let my anger burn low and my voice grow quiet, Dad looked straight into my red-rimmed eyes and said he was sorry for what he was about to say. I told him that I wasn’t going to apologize for anything that I just told him, and he shook his head sadly.

“Listen, Y/N/N,” he started, and I watched as his eyes became distant and misty. “I’ve done a lot of shit I’m not proud of, and a huge part of it is how I’ve treated my family in the past.”

I snorted and began to speak, but he held up a hand to stop me. “Please, let me finish.”

“‘Kay,” I snapped.

He cleared his throat a little before continuing. “I’m not going to be around for much longer, and I want to know that, before I go, you are taken care of.”

“Oh, like you took care of me when Mama died? Thanks, but I‘m good.”

Dad flinched, his eyes darting guilty to his boots. “That couldn’t be help-”

My face grew hot. “‘Couldn’t be helped?’ Fucksake, Dad. You left us high and dry as soon as you heard the diagnosis!” I couldn’t be around him anymore, didn’t even want to be on the same planet I was so done with him. I forcefully concentrated on jamming my feet into my running shoes, fighting back the tears pressing behind my eyes. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m going for a run, see yourself out.”

I slammed the door shut behind me, and that was the last time I ever saw my father.

-----

It wasn’t until last month that I’d read Dad had died. He’d been gone for over a decade. The obituary mentioned two surviving sons, but I was so caught up in probing the ancient scar of anger that my brain barely registered the fact. I found the old anger was weak from disuse, my coffee was cold, and I didn’t feel one damn thing either way about him. It was like reading the obits of a stranger. I felt no guilt, no anger, no grief, and I was able to quickly brush it off and carry on.

It didn’t hit me until a day later, in the middle of a crossword puzzle, that I had brothers.

After rereading Dad’s obituary, I decided to find these so-called brothers of mine. I guess I was lonely, and maybe some of the old anger was beginning to rekindle. I had a family of friends, those whom I could lean on when things got shitty, and I loved every one of them. But there was a kernel of curiosity planted in my brain, the urge to know who my brothers were and if they were anything at all like Dad… or me.

It wasn’t exactly simple to find my brothers but it wasn’t that difficult either; just like with me and Mama, Dad had set up his other family in a nice little neighborhood of a smaller city. White picket fence and everything. It didn’t last long, apparently. The house burned down with the wife still inside. But at least the kids got out alright and his precious car was saved. It was a deadend after that, no honor roll or sports write-ups mentioning a Sam or Dean Winchester could be found in any of my searches. Which was weird.

Weirder still was the FBI wanted list.

It wasn’t completely by accident that I stumbled upon Sam and Dean pouting lasciviously at the camera. Two photos, posted side by side in an archive buried under another archive stuck in a clunky footer menu. These files were hidden so deep in the government website that it took several days and one very long night to dig through all of the archived information. It was as if someone didn’t want anyone to find them. But there they were. No one could mistake the striking resemblance between me and the Winchester brothers. Same sharp nose, same alluring eyes, same crooked smile that must’ve broken at least a thousand hearts collectively. Obviously, I had better hair and fashion sense than either one of them, but that was all thanks to my mom.

Anyway, after the criminal reports came the death certificates. And after the death certificates and official police statements, I was at a loss for what to do. I knew in my gut that they were still out there, alive and raising Hell, but I couldn’t explain it nor find any evidence to disprove the official reports.

But after months and months of bum-diddly squat, a desperate hour of carnal need led me to something so fucking obvious, I wouldn’t have believed it if it has strolled up and bit me in the ass.

Dean Winchester was on Tinder.

Shrieking in surprise and triumph, I swiped right so fast that my finger would have left Grease Lightning in the dust. Yes, it was delightfully improper that I was pretending to not be related to him, but there wasn’t another option that came to mind to officially make his and Sam’s acquaintance. And I really wanted to compare notes on our father. And maybe punch one of them in the face. But I was beginning to get ahead of myself before I even got a response, my anxiety ratcheting my inner dialogue up to eleven.

<i>Aw hell,</i> I realized, this is a questionable and highly unorthodox way to meet your brothers in person. What if he swipes left? What if it’s not actually Dean but a catfish? It took a moment to scrub my mind of an actual catfish typing on a keyboard, but then I was back on track to berating myself. How could you think this plan was anything but sloppy at best? It’s almost inconceivable that-

bing!

The doubt dissipated as soon as I peeked at my phone.

Dean had swiped right!

Wait, Dean had swiped right. Which meant he was probably coming into this meeting with wildly different expectations than me. Dread trickled down my spine and into my already roiling stomach.

Thanks a lot, brain, I thought darkly, willfully ignoring the warnings flashing through my head. “No use in worrying about things that probably wouldn’t happen,” I growled. It was a quote that I often fell back on, but it never gave me any solace, probably because it was said by someone who had never had anxiety.

I shook the tension out of my hands before replying to his winky-kiss emoji. I bluntly suggested that we meet up at a tiny coffee shop not far from the main shopping district of a nearby town. If worse came to worst, at least I’d have a bunch of people at hand to witness my abduction.

***********************

A few hours and a double shot of whisky later, I was standing in line at the meeting place. I’d just given the barista my order when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

“Y/N?” Dean asked quietly, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. He’d sidled up beside me while I had been making small talk with the barista, taking me slightly by surprise.

“You must be Dean, then!” I said, a little too brightly. Rein it in, Y/L/N, I chided myself. Readjusting my features, I gave him a pleasantly bland smile and gestured for him to order. After he was finished, he paid for both our drinks and took the lead to a table in a shadowy corner of the coffee shop. Plunking himself down in the booth, he gave a casual stretch and motioned for me to join him.

I pasted on another innocuous smile and took the seat opposite him. He shrugged off the slight and leaned forward, arms resting on the table. His entire body language was so overly nonchalant I was afraid he was going to fall asleep. “So tell me about yourself, Y/N,” his voice was soft and warm, his eyes twinkling suggestively.

Yep, big nope and a nuh-uh, that’s gotta stop. “Well, I’m a librarian by trade, I’m a cat person who also happens to be a Sagittarius, and,” I caught my breath, my brain hunting for something a little less blunt than ‘you’re my brother.’ “You're my brother.” The words fell out of my fucking mouth before I even had a chance to soften the blow. It took me months to find these guys, and my big mouth goes and forgets all forms of subtlety. The anger and frustration at Dad had built up so much inside me that I was having a hard time controlling my feelings, and now I could add embarrassment to the pile. And I never not have control over my feelings. Sometimes.

Dean sat back, stunned. He started to speak, fumbled over several words, and then shut his mouth. I waited patiently while his brain processed the information. It took a few minutes for him to break the silence. “I gotta make a phone call.” Dean stood up from the booth, shaking his head in disbelief, and stepped away from the table as he tapped something into his phone.

“No worries, I’ll be here when you get back.” I waved to him, all innocence and sweetness. He glanced back at me with furrowed brows and stomped off, whispering aggressively into his phone.

“That went better than expected,” I muttered to myself as I happily accepted our coffees from a rather bemused waiter.

***********************

Half an hour later, Dean returned. He didn’t look at all surprised that I had drank his coffee for him, only a little hurt. I would have pointed out that I’d saved him the trouble of finding it lukewarm and bitter, but the tension in the air was so thick around him that I thought better of it. Behind him, I caught a glimpse of Sam, the younger brother, ducking through the door and giving the baristas a friendly wave.

“Ooh, are we having a family reunion?” I sniped, feeling annoyed that I hadn’t even had a conversation with Dean yet and he was already calling in for backup. “You’ll have to excuse me for my earlier remarks, but I don’t like to beat around the bush.”

He quirked an eyebrow at Sam and frowned. The taller one rolled his eyes and took the chair beside me. Dean slid back into the booth. I was surrounded, but that didn’t matter. What mattered most was confirmation. And I wasn’t going to get that by just staring at them. I opened my mouth to speak, but Sam beat me to it.

“This is… quite the claim, Y/N,” he started, kindly. I could almost see the gears turning in his head as he tried to process having another sibling. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it isn’t possible-”

Dean butted in, gruffly. “What my brother is getting at is that this isn’t exactly our first rodeo.”

Sam looked at him in worn exasperation, but shook off the comment. “Like I was saying, it isn’t impossible that you could be a long lost sibling, but… do you have any proof?”

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Reaching into my bag, I pulled out the few pictures I had of Dad and me, plus photos of him and Mama I had shot when they weren’t paying attention. A knot was forming in my throat, but I forced it back down with a sip of ice water.

Sam and Dean each took a few of the photos, riffling through them like they weren’t my only link to a man that I barely knew. Dean stopped at one and nudged Sam. It was the one of me and my mom standing in front of Dad’s black muscle car, big grins pasted on our faces and dripping snow cones melting in our hands. I was 13 and still enamored with the idea of having a traveling father, too self-centered and self-conscious to think about the reason why he wasn’t around like all the other dads. The bittersweet memories of disappointment and otherness began to creep into my brain, sewing the chaos of sadness in their wake.

Taking a gulp of the ice water, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand to cover the frown pulling at the corners of my mouth. “That’s at the county fair. It was one of the longest times I’d remember ever being around him,” I said with a not-so-subtle tinge of bitterness in my voice. “He wasn’t exactly the type to come to the all-school play, or even stick around for more than a weekend.”

The brothers exchanged a look again. I was starting to get annoyed with that look; it was a secret language between siblings that I had never gotten the chance to experience because my father had kept us secret from one another. He had known that we all existed, had even <i>lived</i> with his two families at different times, apparently. I had never thought of Dad as selfish before, but the more I thought about it, the more I could see that he was just as much of a bastard as I had believed since reaching adulthood. The angry part of me was beginning to confuse the more rational side of my brain, and I needed to get the answers I sought before my inner voices started a war inside my head.

While I sat there fighting with my inner, angrier self, Sam and Dean had been in quiet conversation, heads bent close over the picture. Dean flipped it over to the other side, and frowned at my mom’s scrawled writing on the back. “This says it was taken in the summer of ‘94, which means you’re…” he stopped, forehead scrunched as he concentrated on his fingers.

“I’m about to turn 39, if that’s what you’re trying to figure out,” I replied, my knees bouncing from the stress and anxiety ravaging my nervous system.

Dean’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “That can’t be right. Sammy? Right?” I could tell he was floored by the math. If I was 38, that meant I was born between their birthdays. And if that was the case, Dad had a lot more to answer for than just being crappy at his parental role.

Sorting through the photos again, Sam didn’t respond right away. He was lining them up in chronological order, studiously checking every detail.

“Sam!” Dean said sharply, nudging his brother’s elbow.

“Huh? Oh, right.” Sam’s eyes refocused on my face, but I could tell he wasn’t really seeing me. The evidence of my existence was plain on my features, and they would have to be fools to not see my resemblance to our father.

After a while, I began to get fidgety again. “Listen, guys,” I said as I stood up and gathered my things. “It’s been a real pleasure, but it’s getting late. Besides,” pausing, I looked both of them square in the eyes, “I’m sure you two have a lot to discuss.”

Turning, I threaded my way to the exit and made it just outside the door when Dean caught up to me.

“Y/N, wait.” He tapped my shoulder again, and I pivoted to meet his gaze. “If what you say is true, and you are in fact family. Well,” he glanced back at Sam who was coming out behind him. “We’ve got a lot to discuss.”

[snowstories]

I’ve been rereading the No. 6 manga for the first time since I was 16 or so to see whether I still like it, and thusfar I’m actually pleasantly surprised at how well it holds up? Usually when I reread/re-watch something I end up spotting a lot of flaws I missed the first time around, but I just finished volume 4, and so far I actually agree with my younger self about almost everything. 

Some Thoughts under the cut.

Some bad things I did notice:

The biggest disagreement I have with my younger self is about Shion’s outbursts of violence. Young!me thought that was very cool and also pretty decent foreshadowing for his character development, but now!me honestly finds them thoroughly unnecessary and very hamfisted, as well as nonsensical. While they’re pretty cool to watch (fuck Rikiga up Shion!!), they make no sense on any level and they should’ve probably been cut in the editing process (and maybe replaced with regular anger issues), since I honestly don’t feel like they add much to the story.

I’m also kind of sad that No. 6 (the city) didn’t get more development. It’s not that often that we see a dystopia that’s still only barely starting to take form (Shion is probably the first generation that grew up in dystopia!No. 6) and I just feel like they could’ve done more with that than they did. But hey, I haven’t really gotten to the meat of the worldbuilding yet, so maybe I’ll feel different later on. 

Also I’d have liked the world in general to get a little more development. While we have a vague idea of what’s going on, I’d have liked to see more about the other cities and their reaction to No. 6. Are they similar dystopian assholes? If so, what do they think of the fall of No. 6? If not, what do they think of No. 6′s bullshit stunts?

What I’m getting at is @ Atsuko Asano please give us a sequel.

Safu got fucking shafted and it’s even more obvious now that I’m older. Literally her entire character is basically boiled down to ‘I love Shion’ and it’s such a damn shame because she had so much potential! Safu could’ve been the primary world building POV for No. 6 and the world outside No. 6, and I think it would’ve been fucking awesome to see how she would’ve tried to undermine No. 6′s power from inside the city, and she could’ve taken Karan’s place in her involvement in the rebellion and actually had that plotline, you know. go somewhere (don’t get me wrong I love Karan but I understand why both the manga and the anime cut her POV time down significantly). Safu is a cool an interesting character who was given nothing to work with story wise and inevitably became a damsel in distress and then got killed off and it’s!! a goddamn shame!!

Safu was one of the very few things the anime did better than the manga/light novels.

But again I haven’t really read the meat of her arc yet so my feelings might change.

Rikiga is more of a bitch than I remember, which is definitely because 16 year old me couldn’t properly contextualize the sheer amount of sleazy assholishness required for a grown adult to offer a position as a sex workerto a 16 year old (even though I’m pretty sure it was more a very off color joke than a serious offer). Seriously dude. Fuck you.

On that note Fuck! Him! Up! Shion!

Also the portrayal of sex workers in general is not great as far as I can tell, but I’m still not really an expert on this so I’m hesitant to make any real claims. 

Nezumi is an even bigger asshole than I remembered. He’s got so many fucking issues but at the very least he needs to learn not to take them out on Shion.

On that note Shion slapping him in the face was satisfying as hell.

Still not sure whether I like the artstyle or not.

The villains are even more forgettable than I remembered. Which is fitting actually.

Some good things I noticed:

So far, Dogkeeper/Inukashi hasn’t been referred to with pronouns even once (I think, and I was paying attention), which is really cool actually.

Everyone loves Shion and it’s so wholesome? Everyone in the West Block crew basically goes ‘Life is horrible and humans are horrible too and you should be selfish’ and then Shion kicks down their emotional defenses by going ‘Okay but consider: humans should be nice to each other’ and it’s amazing to see. 

Dogkeeper: haha Nezumi likes Shion! What a weakling!

Dogkeeper, after being around Shion for a few hours: fuck.

Shion in general is just. such a treat. love him.

Can’t wait to see him get emotionally destroyed.

Now that I’m older, it’s way easier to see the unhealthy dynamics in Shion and Nezumi’s relationship (although I was already aware of them when I was younger), but I actually really dig it? I think it’s realistic, and considering the ending, I think that Atsuko Asano was aware of the unhealthy part of their relationship and intentionally put them in. I don’t think it’s handled perfectly (although again, I haven’t reread the entire thing yet), but it’s handled okay enough that it doesn’t really bother me.

Even though Rikiga is a morally depraved douchecanoe, I do have to say that I find the parallels between him and No. 6 (started out well-meaning idealists, but quickly spiraled into depravity to fuel their own need for luxury) to be pretty interesting in a way I didn’t when I was younger. I’ll see where the rest of the story takes them.

I do really like Nezumi and his inner conflict regarding Shion. He’s a fucking asshole about it, but it’s still interesting to read.

Dogkeeper is. So good. They’re even better now that I know I’m nonbinary myself. Just wanted to make that clear.

I found the scene of the No. 6 official’s interrogation to be a lot more interesting now that I’m older. I was a) a LOT more mad at Nezumi for being a prick to Inukashi (seriously dude, the fuck), and b) I found the official’s total ignorance to No. 6′s depravity to be very fascinating. His interactions with Shion were very interesting, in that it was a very fundamental clash of ideologies, and although the official was a massive, massive asshat on every possible level, I do like how these little moments of complete bafflement at Shion serve to humanize him a lot. It goes very well with the overarching story themes of grey morality and humanity even in the shittiest of humans. 

[katosthoughts]

Entry 1: A New Era

04.25.20

Man. Where to begin. To start with now or the reflection? Hmm. Let’s go reflection leading into present day, then a sprinkle of potential future goals. *mind you, it is 5am and I’ve been up for hoursss, but we’ll get to that*

Rereading these entries this morning brought a lot of emotion out of me, although that’s not surprising. I probably needed a good cry and I feel like I have been putting this off for awhile (what else is new?). So much of what I said at 21 resonates with me. I am that girl. That girl was me. While about four years doesn’t seem long, it feels like an entire lifetime ago. In those four years I had some of the most extreme highs and absolute lows. I lost 4 important people in my life, relationships, work, mental health. It all felt like such an extreme range of emotion that I almost feel numb at this point.

College. What an absolute high. I wish I knew it then, that it would be the happiest I was. I had the best roommate all four years of school, I took amazing classes with the best teacher in the entire fucking world (thank you, LUKE), and I had a pretty amazing group of friends by the end of it. Not to mention I got to live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Like fuck, I was so blessed to live my own life in such an amazing place. I was was a decision maker, I was excited, I was surrounded by good people. I wish I would have known then, that life was slowly going to devour me over the next three years. I wish I would have soaked up a few more lessons or late nights in the lab. I wish I would have taken a few more memories. I really thought that life would be better when I was out of college and independent, living my own life with no one but myself.

I wish I would have known then that the life I had in Santa Fe, was the closest I was to living my own existence. Upon returning back to California post grad, I made it home for my last Mother’s Day with my mom. I immediately shifted into caregiver mode once I had moved back. Going through the procedures of making sure she takes her meds at the right time/correct doseges, learning how to change a stomach bag and keeping her clean. I just did what I was told and I did my best to give my mom the most comfortable existence. I know I was still difficult sometimes. I was so mad at the universe, at her, at myself. Just so much anger. I also battled a lot with myself about who I was. Who did I want to be? Who do I have to be for my family? All of that is still unfortunately relevant. After she passed I was angry with everyone. I turned to Kathleen as my light and I pushed everyone else away, in the same breath I’ll also say that in this period of time I also started seeing my then boyfriend so you know. Complex. A piece of me believes that I used my relationship to help me cope. I used it so I wouldn’t have to feel the emence amount of sadness and grief I was feeling. I did love him too. It wasn’t one sided, but I think it played a big a roll at the time. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had to move out of my moms house that I was living in with only my step dad, I didn’t know if I was going to move in with family or if I was going to be independent, I didn’t have a job, I had ZERO drive to be creative and I just floated. Spur of the moment in late October 2018 I rented the first place I saw. It’s a nice little condo in paramount. It was mine. For the first time in my life, all of my stuff could be in one place. I know that sounds stupid but growing up with divorced parents and then adding a third bedroom when you’re in college, it got chaotic trying to keep track of things. Finally. This was all mine. When I got this place I had just started working for a luxury brand as a seasonal stock associate that I was later promoted to regular stock associate and then I was also working as a freelance graphic designer with a marketing firm. It was going well until about January 2019. I stopped working with the marketing firm and it shook my confidence. I also took the job because it was a connection, and graphic design, what could go wrong? I feel like I never fully found my voice in my work, then to work for someone else with an entirely different voice than what you sorta know is jarring.

Around this time the then boyfriend was looking for a new place. I knew it was way too fucking soon but I just lost my biggest income and I wasn’t sure what to do and it seemed like an okay idea and we knew each other from Santa Fe so it’s more like ‘home’. So he moves in. That was probably the start of the end. When he moved in I was not fully unpacked. (Its 2020 and I’m still not unpacked) and then we added all of his boxes to mine. It never got unpacked (see?). A month or so after he moved in, in May of 2019, i started my second retail job selling jewelry in the same mall. My life became dominated by work. I worked 40-50 weeks with sometimes, no days off. He and I continued to live, and we both eventually were holding two jobs. Four incomes and we still struggled to balance out. We lived in mess and disorganization and chaos 24-7. I was always frustrated, I felt that I carried both of us sometimes and I was never happy. This translated into our relationship. We had a rough stint from October 2019 to January 2020. It was a nightmare of a time. We still lived together but it was rough. We tried to work on things and then COVID-19 happened. I suddenly wasn’t working at all, and he is an essential worker. He works a minimum 6 days a week. This put strain on our rebuild. I’m sure I also didn’t help but the new stresses didn’t help too. Which all led to a one time drunken night. Against better judgement I let a friend come over and the three of us drunkenly talked and had a good time. I fell asleep early and was later awoken by noises no one wants to hear wen you’re 1/2 of a couple and the other 1/2 is with the 3rd. I know what I heard and walked out on that night. I know the story he is telling me. And I know the stance that she is taking. None of them add up but that’s where I just have to decide what’s next. Post grad life. Absolute low

The nights are heardest. I wake up 2:30-3:30 every morning without fail. I can’t help but think about it. What did I do wrong? I know we were struggling but why didn’t he just come to bed? I ache with so much sadness in my heart for what feels like the wrong reasons. I feel that there was more I probably could have done but I am living this out as a sign. The universe told me to open a new fucking chapter so I am. I have some design goals that are also life goals so I love that. First, I want to work on my portfolio. I know lindafinegold probably isn’t hiring but that brand voice is what I am craving. I want to work on my portfolio and a few projects that let me sit in that, marinate, see if it’s my flavor. If it is I only hope I can figure out a way to get noticed. Second, I want to work more on a personal project. Probably something small to start. I loved making stickers before. Maybe start there. Third, I’d like to go to the fucking gym again but covid. bitch.

The final side piece I’d like to say is that I love you Steven Garcia. I found out in January you passed, one week after my grandma. You passed in October 2019 and I didn’t know. I’m sorry I never checked in with you after I moved. I always missed you. For I’m sure, more than a year, you were a light in my life. My friend. My dude. My homie. I will never forget the kindness and love you showed me. The long drives through Santa Fe. The after work beers. The holidays we spent together. The weird movies we were into. I cried, I wept, I screamed, I think I even slammed my head in the wall because I didn’t want any of it to be true. In those moments I wanted to take all your pain and suffering. I don’t know what happened to you but I hope you are free. I will always cherish our puppy dog days. Rest In Peace homie, I love you.

If you’re someone out there reading this, I’m sorry? Thank you? Although I write for no audience, sometimes I need to dump my brain and I appreciate if you’re listening. I hope I continue to do this. I spent one hour typing and reflecting and it is maybe the most relaxed I feel in awhile.

Until next time. x

[monsteramongmen-tamer]

Vacation

This is the first fanfic I have ever written. I have reread it and edited it a bit. 

Summary: You go on your first vacation to Summerslam with your best friend. 

Warnings: Smut. Kinks.

Tagging: @kaitlynwwefan

This was one of the most exciting days of my life. I just graduated from cosmetology school. I did my 2100 hours of hair and makeup and all that. Now I can actually go out into the world and show off my talents. I don’t want to toot my own horn or anything, but I’m pretty good at what I do.. I mean, I didn’t go to school and slave away for that long for nothing.

 I have been planning what my next move is going to be since before I even went to school.  No one would want to stay in small town Nebraska forever. It was probably the most boring place in the world, and I was so ready to move somewhere completely different. Be bold.

 I had different scenarios in my head of what I wanted to do, where you wanted to go. How cool would it be to move to New York? Or California? London?! My options were endless, I just needed to apply myself and more importantly, applications.

 There are different things I have on my dream board, especially as a kid, and one of them I kept to myself because everyone would make fun of me for it. 

Wrestling had been a huge part of my life since I was a little girl. I follow absolutely everyone one on social media, so I have a good feel on what people are like, and the environment for the most part. Or so I think. But how realistic does that sound? Working for WWE? As one of the makeup or hair people nonetheless? Positivity wasn't exactly my specialty, but I needed to figure out what the hell to do with my life. Being a pessimist was NOT going to be useful this time.

It was a normal Sunday night. I was working my life away until I find a job I want. Now, I just work at a special needs home until I find this so called “dream job”  At least there was a PPV on tonight that I could watch when I get off. Only thing that sucked is that it was a few hours away but work would not give me the night off because it was my weekend.

 Thankfully my best friend from school, Liz, was also a wrestling fan and was going to the show. Front row seats. So I am expecting endless snapchats and updates throughout the night. She also had VIP tickets to meet some of the superstars, but doesn't know quite yet which ones she is going to meet. Still, it is exciting and I was beyond jealous.

 During my shift, I felt my phone go off so many times. I kept wondering if my residents have been hearing it. Not like I care if they do, it is such a boring Sunday, which is why I am so pissed they didn't give it to me off. I snuck off to the bathroom multiple times to check my phone. I had about 25 snapchats and about 50 texts of what she was doing. Whether she was standing in line waiting, bitching about the obnoxious people that were there with her, her beginning to freak out, after she met superstars, you name it, but I loved it. I was so glad she was having a good time. She even met her favorite wrestler…. the one and only lunatic, Dean Ambrose.

 A couple hours passed and I was sitting at my computer documenting since my shift was almost over. I wanted time to go faster so I could go home and watch the PPV. 10 o’clock came around and it was time for me to go home. FINALLY!

I went out to my car and checked my phone and I had a rather...surprising yet exciting text from Liz. One of the guys that did the VIP tour, apparently his name is Will, asked Liz out on a date after the show!!!! Like what? That is so awesome! I texted her back faster than I have ever texted anyone in my life to get more details, but apparently her phone died. And the PPV had already ended by the time I got home, which means she is most likely on her date right now. I was dying.

I was scrolling through all my apps before trying to go to bed and out of nowhere I get a text from Liz. It was 2AM.

Sorry, my phone died, I am in Will’s hotel room...I don't know if I should leave or if I should stay

 I hurried up and sat up, OMG I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL DAMN NIGHT, YOU’RE IN A WWE GUY’S HOTEL ROOM?!

Kinda, he led the VIP tour, then found me before the show started since I was sitting in the front row and asked me if I wanted to go get drinks after the show. So I did. Aaaaand we drank some, ended up in his hotel room….and yeah. You can guess the rest.

I was honestly proud of Liz, because this wasn't normally like her. She is a very shy girl and isn't a “one night stand” kind of girl. Which I think is why we get along so well. I am definitely not shy. I am very outgoing and blunt. It isn't always ideal, but it's me.

I just have to say first, you go girl. Second, I’m so fucking jealous of your perfect day. Third, is this guy just a one night stand? Or do you see it being more than that???

Shut up haha. And I don't know.  He is a super sweet guy, and super great in bed, but I can't see this being anything more than this.  I need to come up with some sort of excuse to get out of here! HELP!!!

 I have never been in this situation before, but I know she needs my help. So now I am trying to think of good excuses to leave that don't make it too obvious that she just wants to get the hell out.

Well, didn't you go up there with your dad? He bought the tickets right? Where does your dad think you are right now lmao??

…

OH MOTHERFUCKER I FORGOT ABOUT MY DAD

I think that worked out well for her if I do say so myself. She didn’t respond for awhile. By this time it was 3:30AM. I was in the phase of sleep where I am pretty unaware of everything, but out of nowhere my phone buzzed and scared the hell out of me. I flinched so hard I thought I was going to fall off my bed. It was Liz.

Made it back to my room, I don't think my dad noticed I was gone at all. Thank the lord. That would have been an awkward car ride home…

I waited until later in the day to respond to her because I was damn tired, and I couldn't tell how tipsy she was, so she needed to sleep more than talk to me.

I woke up late, due to being up late. No texts. So I shot Liz a text just to make sure she was alive and no one kidnapped her. She was okay, on her way back home with her dad.

A few weeks had gone by, I kept checking my phone for any job openings in various cities, but no luck. I just kept working my ass off at a job where I was not appreciated. That was my life for months. Work and coming home at night annoying Liz because I could. I had no else to bitch to.

Will had tried to add her on Facebook about a week after their night together. She declined because why would you want to be friends with a guy you had a one night stand with? That was weird? Then a couple weeks later, he added her again. She accepted, to see if he wanted something.

Surprisingly, they hit it off and talked for awhile. They became really good friends. From the things Liz has told me, he seems like a nice, genuine guy. I was still in shock that he was apart of one of my favorite companies. How does that even happen? I don't know, but it was cool.

Liz had actually gone down to where he lives and hung out with him for a weekend and he surprised her and got her tickets to different shows in the summer and a couple meet and greets. Summerslam tickets, RAW, Smackdown, and meet and greets. He gave her 2, and he told her that the other ticket wasn't for him. That she could give them to whoever she wanted.

I got a phone call late Sunday night.

“BITCH WE’RE GOING ON VACATION!”

I didn’t say anything for a second, “What the hell are you talking about?”

Pacing around my apartment, I am listening to what Liz is telling me. She has 2 tickets to each show Summerslam weekend that is taking place in Brooklyn, New York this summer. It was really going to happen. We had tickets, we just had to save up for a hotel, plane, and spending money! I am so fucking excited I can’t even breathe.

Pinching myself to see if this was real, I ran to my closet to see if I had any money saved up. Holy shit, was I surprised. I have never been on a vacation before, so I started a money jar last year and told myself that this year sometime I am taking an actual vacation. Why? Because I deserve one.

I had over $900 saved up. Where did all this money come from? I literally have no idea, but this vacation is paid for already, and it feels so good.

A couple months have gone by again. I kind of stopped looking for different cosmetology jobs lately because of this vacation. It was just a week away. I have everything ready and picked out, all I needed to do was pack. I got more nervous as the days went by because so much was going to be happening. The part I’m  most excited for was the meet and greets. I have so many favorite wrestlers, but I have no idea who I am going to meet. Liz said this will be just like other normal show.

7 days went by very quickly and it was time to go pick Liz up and go to the airport. I picked her up and we could not shut up the whole ride there. It was an hour drive from Liz’s place to the airport. I swear my dad was going to kill us. I kept reminded him that he wouldn't hear from me for a week, so I am just making up for future’s lost time.  

We finally make it to the airport. Find where our luggage needs to go, and find where we board the plane. It really is a blur because I am so focused on getting there and doing all sorts of fun things.

This still doesn't seem real. I am on vacation, with my best friend, doing my favorite thing.

It was Thursday, so we have tonight to do whatever we wanted to do. Tomorrow night was one of our meet and greets. I get real shaky whenever I think about it. Who am I going to meet? I’ve never met a famous person before, how am I going to act? Like a freak? Am I going to cry? I can’t cry. Then no one will take me seriously. Especially if I ever apply to this company down the road.

Liz and I walked around Times Square our first night. It was so beautiful. There were so many things to see. All the different stores, restaurants, just everything. Nebraska did not have this. Omaha is big, but not this big.

My feet were a little sore so Liz and I called an Uber to take us back to our hotel. Our driver was wearing a “Seth FREAKIN Rollins” shirt. I just looked at Liz and I knew this is where we were meant to be right now.

Here we are, Friday. I got up super early so I could get ready and look perfect. I showered and spent a really long (entirely too long) time shaving. I shaved everything preparing for this day. You never know what’s going to happen. When I got out of the shower, all the steam came out, hitting an impatient Liz in the face.

 “Take long enough?”

I just smiled and began getting ready.

Did my hair first, otherwise it would go absolutely crazy. I did my hair, then makeup, got dressed,  and finished hair. While I was putting the last of my bobby pins when Liz turns around and whistles. I just roll my eyes at her and grin.

As I took one last look before leaving our hotel room for the day, I made sure everything was perfect. I hope I chose an okay outfit to meet the wrestlers in. I chose a very revealing black lace top with maroon shorts and my vans. I felt pretty good. Which doesn't happen. It is rare I feel good about myself because of my size. Being plus size isn’t easy, but it’s me.

Liz called our Uber before we left our room. We were so ready for this.

Our ride is about half way over and Liz pulls out a piece of paper and is reading it. I look over her shoulder. It was our pass to get into the event today. She is probably just making sure she didn’t forget them.

“So I haven’t told you everything we are doing on this trip,” Liz says looking over at me with a smirk.

“What do you mean,” I asked. What could she have missed?

 Liz took a deep breath and looked at me again, “These aren’t just normal meet and greet passes. These are all day passes to BOTH DAYS.”

I screamed. Our Uber swerved a little bit. Probably shouldn’t die in the process of what is happening right now.

“What do you mean they are all day passes?! To meet all the wrestlers?! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Liz laughed so hard. I was heavy breathing. By the time I was done freaking out, we were at our destination. I was about to meet ALL of my favorite wrestlers.

We walk inside and get our passes and the guide comes out and greets and talks for a few minutes. When he takes us to the first table, the first person wasn’t actually there yet and they didn’t say who it was going to be.

After talking to Liz to keep my cool, a very large man walks out and sits down. It was none other than the one and only…. Braun Strowman.

I knew who he was, they call him the Monster Among Men. You can definitely see why. He is a BIG man. I watch him every Monday on RAW and he is always destructive somehow. Braun enjoys grabbing people by the throat and slamming them into the ground. Or throwing them off in ambulances or dumpsters. Either way, he knew how to put on a show, and I really enjoy watching it. You had a very low-key crush on him.

We are towards the back of the line, so I have time to keep my cool. I kept telling myself ahead of time I am not going to be a loser while meeting these people. It just doesn’t help that Braun is one of my favorite superstars, and I am meeting him first. Literally a dream come true.

Unfortunately, Liz and I would be going at separate times, alone. I let her go first because I still feel my heart beating so fast. I am so nervous to meet Braun. I just keep reminding myself to breathe…

Liz just went back. I am next. I am just standing here with my eyes shut waiting for someone to come get me to go back, hoping I don’t pass out.  

The guy was walking over to me, and for some reason I held my breath. I don’t know why I do weird things in situations like this. I am walking towards the big man. He is looking over at me with a smile on his face.

“Well hi there, are you Y/N?” He asked me, in his thick country sounding accent.

That took my by absolute surprise, how did he know my name?!

“Yes I am, how did you know my name?” I asked in wonder, but I had a smile on my face going ear to ear.  

“Your friend Liz was just in here. She told me I was about to meet her best friend, and apparently my biggest fan so I should probably know the name of my biggest fan.” Braun winked at me.

I could have died right there. This is NOT happening.

I just blushed, “Well, I don’t know about being your BIGGEST fan, but you are my favorite wrestler, that is for sure.” At this point I wasn’t looking at him anymore, I was looking straight at the floor out of embarrassment. I could feel my cheeks getting hot. 

“You don’t need to be embarrassed darlin’, I am not the big scary guy you’re used to seeing on TV.” He said. Flashing another smile.

I swear, I could melt.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that you’re the first celebrity I’ve ever met. And I told myself I wouldn’t be weird, but here I am.” a nervous laugh came out of my mouth.

He let out a chuckle, “Well, I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a celebrity, but I am honored to be your first!” Braun winked again followed by another laugh.

OFFICIALLY DEAD.

“Uuhhhh, yeah. I am glad you are my first too.” Finally I was able to look at him and smile. Suddenly I was feeling super confident.  

My session with Braun was over though. I got my picture with him and his autograph. Before I left, he gave me a giant bear hug. He had to hunch over pretty far to be able to hug me, since I am pretty short. Or is it because he is so tall? Whatever the reason may be, it was the best bear hug, ever.

I met up with Liz and I could wipe this stupid grin off my face. I felt like I was on cloud 9. Braun Strowman was not what everyone thinks he is. He is such a nice guy. I hope I get to meet him again someday.

“How was that for you?” Liz asked, with a raised eyebrow and a smile on her face. I just shook my head, “Remind me to thank you later.”

Our first tour guide went off to go somewhere else, so another one came along. I was spacing off thinking about my experience I just had with Braun. Out of nowhere, Liz starts hitting my arm. “Will is our guide now! Look!” Her face glowed up. I tried to get a good look at him. The only time I have ever seen this guy is creeping on his Facebook and Instagram, and he wasn’t bad looking. I mean he wasn’t my type, but he seemed like he could be good for her. Sophisticated and all that.

To be completely honest, the rest of the tour today was a blur, but I did meet some cool people. That, I will never forget. From Seth Rollins, Charlotte, Mojo Rawley, Dean Ambrose, Becky Lynch,  Roman Reigns, AJ Styles, Baron Corbin, and Bray Wyatt the British Strong Style boys. That wasn’t even all of them.  It was phenomenal. No pun intended. Just kidding. Pun intended, always.

We did not have tickets to the NXT event tonight, so we decided to just go out in the town again. But rather than shopping, we are going to have a few drinks. We found a cool looking bar in Brooklyn near where our hotel was. There was a lot of people here, so we just stood around. It got very overwhelming, so we went back to our hotel for the night.

I could hardly sleep last night. All the excitement of this vacation hit me. But when I woke up, I was in my hotel room alone. Where was Liz? I began to panic. I saw a note on the sink.

“Got up early to have coffee with Will, meet you downstairs at 9. I let you sleep in! Love you!”

That was okay with me. This means I can take a long hot shower and not feel bad about using it all the hot water. I had my music up loud from the moment I got up, to the moment I left. I didn’t tell Liz this, but I listened to a ton of the wrestler’s theme songs to get me pumped up. Not that I needed it. I can’t even imagine what is going to happen today, but there is no way that it could compare to yesterday.

I had a dream about Braun Strowman that was quite...steamy. That will leave me in good hands today, I’m sure.

I went downstairs to meet Liz and she was with Will. “Hey!” Liz said. “You two haven't formally met yet, so Will, this is Y/N, Y/N, this is Will.” Her smile is so huge, it made me pretty happy.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Will. I’ve heard so much about you.” I said.

“Likewise, it is nice to finally put a face to the famous Y/N I hear about all the time.” He said.

“All the time?” I am looking over at Liz at this point with a suspicious look. She just shrugged her shoulders.

Liz immediately changed the subject. “We have big plans for today.”

I asked, “There’s another meet and greet today, right?”

“...not exactly. We will be meeting some people, but not who you’re thinking.” She said, seeming guilty of something.

“What do you mean by that?” I have no idea what she is talking about, she better not have anything up her sleeve. I don’t do surprises well.

“You will just have to find out.” She had a smirk on her face. So did Will. What the hell is going on?

We call an Uber and make our way to the Barclay’s, where things are happening today.

We get out of the car and make our way inside. The suspense was killing me. I like having everything planned out.

We go to the front table and Will shows them his pass and says we are with him, so they give us passes as well. We made our way to the back, where superstars were getting ready for the second day of meet and greets.

We were back to where they do hair and makeup. There was a designated area where everything was, but it was all scattered. This is what I have been imagining since I was a little girl. I could not believe that I was back here, but..why were we back here?

I slowly turned to Liz and whispered, “So what exactly are we waiting for back here?”

Just as I was finished asking her, two people came up and hugged Will. It was not just random two people. It was Leslie and Madeline. WWE’s lead hair and makeup girls. They talked for a minute when suddenly Will turns and says, “This is her.” He was pointing to me.

WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

The two women turn to me and shake my hand. “Hello Y/N, we have heard so much about you! We hear you graduated from Xenon Academy in Omaha a few months ago. That school is highly talked about.” Leslie said to me.

I really don’t know what to say, but I had to say something, and quick.

“Really? In little Nebraska?! Yeah, I graduated there in May! Top of my class.”

Phew. That sounded alright.

“Yeah, we have visited there a couple times a few years ago when we were in the area for shows. It is a really nice place.” Madeline said.

“It really is. I loved it there!” I said.

“I also heard that you were possibly looking for a job? Is that true?” Leslie asked me. She looked very serious. I was almost afraid I would say the wrong answer.

“I have been, yes. Not much luck though.”  I blurted out.

“Your friend Will over here said that you were pretty good, and we are looking for a little extra help. Willing to try it out here? Say like, an informal interview?” Leslie asked.

“Yes, absolutely!” I said. I probably could have waited a second before jumping the gun, but oh well.

I look over at Liz in disbelief and she is smiling so hard. She knew about this. Little shit. If this goes even a little bit well, I will owe her, big time.

They told me I could do it today, right now. The wrestlers would be coming and going before the meet and greet. This is happening, and it is happening right now. If I blow this, that would probably be the end for me. If they don’t like me, I will hit some sort of depression and work some awful job the rest of my life. I am also a little dramatic.

They took me to one part of the room. Where they do hair. Madeline was still going to be here, so I was not alone. She will guide me through what each person likes and how she does it.

“So I am probably going to give you a lot of the guys, just because it’ll be easier to do than the girls. Don’t get me wrong, it's not always easy, but I will be here for all of it to help you, if you need it.” Madeline said to me. She put her hand on my shoulder for comfort and it surprisingly helped. She was super nice. I can see why everyone around here loves her.

The first person that came in was one of the announcers. I didn't know his name, because I don't see him much on TV at all. Maybe Mike? But he just had a normal guy haircut. Sides of his head shaved and hair on the top of his head.

That went a lot smoother than I was anticipating, but I am so thankful for that. Next walked in Will. I just knew he was going to sit in my chair. He was alone though.

“Where is Liz?” I asked him while I was combing through his hair.

“She is just on the other side of the door talking to some people, no worries.” He smiled through the mirror at me.

“Oh, but I do worry. I am the best friend, let me remind you.” I looked at him through the mirror holding the comb toward him.

He held his hands up in surrender, “I know, I know. I am just trying to impress you so you don’t hate me.” The man almost looked scared. I find it quite comical. 

“Why would I not like you? You got me this amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity. I am beyond grateful.” I said.

Will shrugged and looked at his hair, “Perfect!” He looked over at Madeline, “I think we found a good one.” He winked at me then left.

Just when I thought things were slowing down, Dean Ambrose walked in and sat in my chair.

“Hey darlin’! I don’t believe we have met before. I’m Dean. Are you working here now?”

I shook his hand, “No, I am just kind of….filling in. This is basically like a little interview for me, to see if I can handle doing guy’s hair, like yours.”  

Smooth.

“Okay, cool. Lucky for you I am going for the messy, crazy hairdo. Shouldn’t be too hard to mess up.” He smiled at you.

Dean’s hair really was easy to do. I just got it wet, combed through it, then messed it up with my hands.

“Looks perfect, darlin. Good job.” Dean said. Then he went on his way.

Madeline looked over at you quite impressed, “Nice work. You are doing very well so far.”

“So far?” You gave her a nervous look.

“Ready for a guy with longer hair?” She asked, ready to give me the challenge.

“Absolutely. Who will this lucky man be?” I asked.

Madeline had a look on her face, thinking of who she should pick. She then went out to the hallway to see if anyone was out there.

“Okay, here he comes, good luck.” She said to me, getting back to her job. She was currently working on Natalya’s hair.  

You were in a tote looking for another comb to use, and you could hear giant footsteps behind you and sit down. When you turned around, you could not believe it. It was Braun Strowman. Again.

“Well hey there, Y/N! I wasn’t expecting to see you be the new hair girl around here!” He said to me, with one of those intoxicating smiles.

“To be quite honest with you, I did not know I was going to be here today. I was actually tricked here, but it worked out pretty okay I think.” I cannot help but smile. Just looking at this beautiful man.

“I’d say so too. I remember saying yesterday I hoped to see you again, and here you are,” He said.

“You did? I definitely do not remember hearing that. I would have remembered.” I raised an eyebrow waiting for a response.

“Well shit, I guess I said it in my head. Oops.” At this point, Braun was blushing. It was so cute. But this is not a time to be thinking he is cute. I am being watched for a potential job. My DREAM job.

“That is okay. So, what are we doing today?” You asked him, standing behind him looking at him through the mirror.

“I usually just do a ponytail. Brush all this back then tie it, but can you put it in a bun? I don’t wrestle until later. A surprise match for the fans.” He said. This man knew how he liked his hair.

“Yes, sounds like a challenge, but I think I can handle it.” I winked at him. He knew I was being facetious.

It was just small talk while I was doing his hair. It was nice. He was so down to Earth.

“So can I come back later and you do my hair before my match?” Braun asked me, looking hopeful.

I looked over at Madeline, she nodded.  “Yeah, I will be here!”

“See you then.” said that thick country accent. I can’t get enough of it.

Madeline turned to me with her head cocked sideways, “Did Braun Strowman just ask if he can come back to have you do his hair again before his match?”

“Yeah…” I didn’t know what else to say.

Natalya looked at me through the mirror, “That man does not usually come to hair and makeup, let alone come twice in the same day.”

I am confused, then why was he coming back later? Oh well.

“Wel, we are finished for awhile, until Braun comes back to see you. So you can go wander around for while. I won’t be back here before his match, will you be okay doing it by yourself?” She asked me.

“Oh yeah. It won’t be a problem at all.” You said smiling at her.

“Glad to hear it. I am impressed with what I saw today. So good job!” Madeline said as she was cleaning up.

“Thank you so much!” I said.

I asked her if she wanted any help, she said no, so I went out to attempt to find Liz. Luckily she wasn’t too hard to find.

She ran over to me, “Oh my gosh how did it go?!”

“It went well, Madeline said she was impressed, so that is a good thing right?”  I said.

“Hell yes it is. Do you do any cute guys’ hair?” She asked in suspense.

“Well I did Will’s hair, and Braun Strowman came in and I did his hair.”

“Ooohhhh and how did that go..” She was nudging my side with her elbow.

“Shut up, it was fine, I am doing his hair again before his match this evening” I said laughing.

“This is so cool, my best friend is doing superstar’s hair and Will does the tours. What should I do?!” Liz asked, mostly to herself.

We spent the next couple hours just walking around looking at the different displays they had.

I had no idea what time Braun’s match was, so I headed back to where I was before. He wasn’t there yet. So I just looked at my phone until he showed up.

“You know how unprofessional that looks, right?” said this deep country voice. I know exactly who that is.

You hurried and put your phone in your pocket, “Sorry, I was just passing the time, I wasn’t sure what time you would be coming back here before your match.” I said apologetically.

“I was kidding, I am here a little early, and I realize I never gave a time, so I’m sorry.” Braun said. “How can I make it up to you?”

“You don’t need to make it up to me, I don’t even technically work here. So you have nothing to worry about. I am just offering my services at this point.” I regretted saying that as soon as it left my lips.  

Braun gave you a look, but this was not a confused look. This was an almost determined look, but I don’t know for what. Maybe I did, but my brain is playing dumb.

“So would you like me to do your hair still, before this match?” I asked. I would understand if he wasn’t interested in that anymore.

“Yes, please. I am actually here early. There weren’t as many people to see me here today as there were yesterday, but that is okay, gives me the extra time now.” He said looking at you.

“Yeah, I can imagine preparing for matches can be tough at times.” I said getting out my supplies.

“I was actually talking about giving myself time to see you…” He said. I just stopped in my tracks.

“Oh, your hair shouldn’t take too long, but I appreciate that gesture! I will make sure the Monster Among Men’s hair does not disappoint tonight.” I blurted out. I didn’t know what was actually happening, so I am playing it cool. This has never happened to me before.

“Right... my hair. You know, the only reason people are afraid of me is because of my long hair?” He said.

“Really….you don’t think it has anything to do with your size?” I asked raising an eyebrow. My hands are already in his hair.

“I mean, I think I am a normal sized guy. It’s you people who are small. That is not my fault.” Braun chuckled.

Did Braun just call me small? No one has ever called me small.  I may be on the shorter side, but I am also on the wider side. But hey, I am going to take all the compliments I can get out of this beautiful man.

“Hey now, I might be small, but I am mighty.” I held out my muscles. It was so sad compared to his I just laughed.

“Mighty huh? You Might have to prove that one.” Braun said. Now I know he is flirting with me. I am 100% okay with this.

“Yeah, we’ll see. How’s your hair look?” I asked. Head tilted in the mirror to make sure it looked like it did on TV.

He put his hand on his chin, looking over his hair. “It looks good. Thanks babe.” He came over and hugged me. I was definitely not expecting that, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to complain.

“Not a problem at all. I enjoy doing hair, and you are very easy to talk to , so it helped ease my nerves.” I said. He finally let go of me.

“Well, I am glad I could help. I am going to put in a good word for you. Wouldn’t mind seeing you around here more often. You coming to the match tonight?” He asked.

I wasn’t planning on going, but he seemed like he wanted you to.

“I would love to, but I don’t have tickets to the show..” I said, I pouted a little bit.

“See, the awesome thing about working back here is you get to watch all the shows backstage. For free. So are you in?” He sounded like he was pitching some sort of sale. It was an offer I cannot refuse.

“Sounds like you convinced me! Just let me text who I came with saying I will be here late.” I said, grabbing for my phone.

“No problem. I can even give you a ride back to your hotel after if you’d like. Save some money from a taxi.” He offered.

Braun was being super generous. I love it. I can’t tell him no for some reason.

“Sounds like a plan to me! Thank you so much!” I said.

“No problem. I will see you after the show!” He said walking out the door, waving.

I shot a text to Liz,

Do you care if I stay around and watch this match? You don’t need to wait around for me if you don’t want to. If you and Will want to go out or something, go for it. 

L:   Not at all. Do you have plans? I don’t want to leave you hanging.

Actually, I think I do….

L:   Do tell….

Braun invited me to watch the match then said he can take me back to the hotel. Or maybe we will go out. I honestly have no idea. But it’s okay. Go enjoy yourself!

L:  Oh man, girl good luck. Get it! Love you, be safe! <3

 Will do. Love you too.

I was backstage watching Braun’s match. I didn’t really know anyone back here, but that’s okay. Everyone is being super nice to me. Braun was fighting Finn Balor, so the match didn’t really seem fair, but they were both really good wrestlers. Not even referring to their size. I thought Finn was going to lose fairly quickly, but it actually went on for awhile. Finn ended up winning, somehow.

He came backstage and found me right away.

“Hey you, what did you think?” he asked.

“You put on a really good fight. I am quite impressed.” I said nudging him.

“Well I am glad you enjoyed it. Follow me for a second.”  He said, walking away.

I had to walk fast behind him because he was walking quickly and I do not have long legs. He led us to a dressing room.

When we walked in, Braun locked the door, my eyes got really big. Shit, he wasn’t wasting any time. He saw my expression and laughed.

“Don’t worry, I am just going to change real quick before we leave, if that’s okay?”

“That’s fine. I just haven’t been in one of your guys’ locker rooms before. They aren’t as fancy as I imagined.” I said. I was totally lying. I thought Braun was going to take me right here and now. I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed…

Braun laughed, “Yeah, they don’t always give us the shiny benches with the nice lockers and the gatorade bottles waiting for us. It is kind of a bummer.”

I rolled my eyes, “And you think you’re so deserving of all of that?!”

“I mean, have you met me?” He said, trying to show off.

As I was getting ready to open my mouth to respond, he pulls off his shirt. God damn. What was I going to say?

“Liking what you see?” He said, catching me stare.

I immediately looked away, “I mean, I am not going to lie to you. Yes. You look very good. And I don’t even mean that now just because you took your shirt off.”

“That is okay if you do, I am kind of a lady killer.” He said.

I think I about died of laughter. “A lady killer? Really? That is your go to line? Needs some work.”

Braun stuck out his bottom lip and pouted. He changed his pants real quick. He turned around so he wasn’t facing me. There was a mirror on the wall so it wasn’t completely private. Wouldn't you know that Braun doesn’t wear underwear with his combat pants? He has a really nice butt. I didn’t mean to look in the mirror (totally did, that was a lie) and I got a small glimpse of Braun’s dick. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I needed to calm down. I was a mess, but I don't think he noticed.

He turned around after putting pants on, “I have a weird favor to ask you, if your willing.”

A favor, sure anything. Damn, I need to calm down.

“Sure, what do you need?”

“Can you by chance help me put these back in? I would do it myself, but I am feeling a little shaky and sweaty.”

Braun was holding out two piercings. Two fucking nipple piercings. Am I in heaven? Nope. Just Braun’s dressing room. Basically the same thing, right?

“Sure, you’ll have to guide me a bit, but I can do it for you.” I took the piercing from his hand.

“Okay, so I have a small tube of lube in my bag, it will make it easier to put in.” He said.

I went over and got the lube. I don’t know many people who carry lube around on the daily, but it’s kind of hot.

“You’re just going to put a little bit on the bar and then rub a little bit on my nipple.”

I listened to his instructions. Lube on the bar, and I put some on my finger and rubbed it around one of his nipples. Braun started to hold his breath, but his heart was pounding. I pretended not to notice.

The first one went in smoothly. I repeated the same with the second one. Lube on bar, rub his nipple, then I tried to put it in and a small hiss came from Braun’s mouth.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you!” I asked, beginning to panic.

“No you are doing fine, this one is just a little sensitive, that’s all.”

“Noted.”

I slid it in the rest of the way, ignoring the hissing sounds. Braun gathered the rest of his stuff.

“Ready to go?” He asked me.

“Yep, I will let you lead the way.” I said.

The suspense was killing me inside. Was he just going to drop me off at my hotel? Are we going to get some food? What is happening.

Braun led us back to the back door and he grabbed his rental car keys. We got into a big Cadillac and then he finally asked me, “So what hotel are you staying at?”

 “I am staying at the New York Marriott at the Brooklyn Bridge. It isn’t too far from here.” I said, kind of bummed,

“Hey that is the same place they booked for us! I know exactly where to go.”

“Perfect.” you said. Now I don't even care if we do anything. Maybe I can be bold and and suggest we hang out for awhile?  

It was a pretty quiet car ride. I didn’t mind.

Braun pulled up to the hotel and had the valet park it.

I just needed to get it out. We were in the elevator and no one has said anything yet.

“So do you want to hang out or something or are you pretty beat?” I asked. 

That was good.

“I was just about to ask you if you wanted to do the same thing. My room?” Braun suggested.

“Yeah that’s fine, my friend and her “friend” might be in mine, so that works for me.”

“Perfect. No worries, I have my own room. And I am pretty sure everyone else is going out and partying tonight. So it’ll be pretty quiet.” He said.

We made it to the top floor and Braun pulled out his key card and opened his door.

“Do you care if I take a quick shower?” he asked, already beginning to strip towards the bathroom.

“Go for it, I will just wait here.”  I said. I just sat on the couch.

“Or…..you could join me?” Braun suggested. “I have something here you can wear.”

I didn’t even give it a second thought.

I got up and ran into Braun’s arms and kissed him. I was expecting a rough kind of kiss, but he was actually being quite gentle. Until I started using my tongue to give the message I was trying to be the dominate one. Good one...

He carried me to the sink and ripped off my shirt, lips never separating.

“Are you sure about this?”  He asked, taking a good look in my eye to make sure this is what I wanted.

“I have never been more sure about something before in my life.” Not even two seconds later Braun’s tongue was down my throat. His hands were searching up my thighs. He tried unbuttoning my shorts, but he was having some trouble. Braun took me over to the bed and laid me flat. He pulled my shorts right off.

He stepped back for a second, admiring the choice of lingerie I had on.  I was so glad I had put it on today. I was wearing a black lace push up bra with a gray lacy thong.

“God, you are so beautiful. Look at all these amazing curves. I am going to make all of them feel good tonight baby.” Braun said in a really low, growly voice. That is all it took to make me soaking wet through my panties.

Braun came back over on top of you and started to kiss you again. But this time, all over. He was not kidding when he said he was going to make my curves feel good. No one has ever done that before. He started with your lips, then moved down to your neck. He found your sweet spot and sucked on it for a minute. Just hard enough to leave a slight mark. You found him then moving down towards your chest. He kissed down the valley of your breasts. 

He picked you up so he could unhook your bra. He struggled for a minute with his big hands, but he got it and went right back to work. He started on your right nipple and you kept letting out little moans here and there, but I don't want to keep doing this and ruin all the fun.

Braun moved over to the left nipple and his hand began to trace my stomach and go down to my panties.

He stopped for a second, “Wow, is all of this for me? Already?” I did not want to admit that I was so wet already, but I can’t help it.

Braun and his tongue went back up between my chest, down my stomach and made it all the way to my panty line. If he keeps this up, I am going to get very impatient.

I felt a slight bite on the skin between my thighs, I flinched and realize that it was Braun taking of my thong with his teeth. Never have I ever been so turned on in my life before this moment.

Once my panties were gone, I spread my legs, hinting at what I wanted. Braun took his tongue and licked around my clit one time then stood up.

I whimpered and sat up to see what was going on.

“Come here.” Braun said, very demanding.

I got up and I stood in front of him, he pushed me to my knees.

“You are not in charge right now little lady, I am. Do you understand? I do not want any more begging. And since there are not any people around, I want you to be as loud as you can. Clear? ou scream my name.” Braun said. He was very clear. He has officially taken over, but I am okay with this. I just nodded.

“I said, are we clear?” He repeated in a deep dark voice.

“Yes, sir, you are very clear.”

I know exactly what he wants since he put me on my knees. I can see his dick trying to poke through his shorts. I put my hands at his waistline and looked at him, for permission. He nodded and I pulled them down and I was met with a very large, thick dick in my face. I couldn’t just let it hang there. I licked my hand and started stroking him, very slowly. I saw a wave of intensity go through his body. I then met his balls with my other hand and my mouth on his tip.

Braun grabbed a chunk of my hair and slowly started to go faster and faster. He didn’t care if I was gagging or not. After a few minutes of slowly getting into it, he was full force fucking my throat.

He was letting out many deep groans. All of a sudden, Braun stopped, helped me up, and led me to the bed. He had me sit on the corner and he got on his knees. He threw my legs wide open and held them as wide as they could go.  

Braun’s tongue was teasing my clit, and I was groaning, hoping that he would do more. He then took the whole thing and put it in his mouth and sucked on my clit. I moaned so loud, if there were people in the room next to us, they would most definitely hear us right now.

 I could feel Braun smile and he released my clit and started licking very sloppily around it again. I could feel that I was about to come.

“Bra- I- I thi- I’m gonna come.”  I couldn’t get it out the feeling was so intense and taking over my entire body.

“Come all over my face baby” he said. Not even a second later that was all it took for me to come, but I could tell things were far from over.

Braun made sure to leave no juices behind. He then stood up and kissed me, so I could have a taste as well.

I stood up and pushed Braun on the bed. He had a very confused look on his face.

“I want to ride you.” I told him, already straddling his hips. It was a lot more challenging than I thought it would be, but I know I can do it, and it will be worth it.  Braun just shook his head really fast.

As soon as my entrance was lined up with his dick, his head went straight back against the headboard. I started rocking my hips back and forth to get things going for him again, although by the feel of things, I did not need to do that.

I looked into Braun’s eyes and he nodded, giving me the okay to start actually riding him.

He did that part for me, rather quickly. He lined up his dick to my entrance and as I slid myself onto him, I could feel the way he was stretching me out.  I let out a loud moan as I took him all the way in. Braun also let out a loud grunt.

I started out slow, to enjoy the pleasure. As I picked up the pace, Braun took ahold of my hips and was guiding them. I was moving my hips so fast I had to lean up against Braun’s chest and bury my face in his neck. He got more and more sloppy with the pace.

I sat up and looked at Braun, “I want you to take control. I am all yours.”

I got off of Braun and he told me to lie on my back on the bed. I listened to him.

Braun got off the bed and stood at the foot of it. He got his dick ready at my entrance again, making eye contact, making sure he had permission again to enter my body. When he did, Braun just rammed right into me. I screamed as loud as I could because it was so painful, but the more he did it, the more it turned into pleasure. He went in hard, but it was still going slow.

As he picked up the pace of things, his head was in my neck. I put my hands around his big shoulders, I couldn't help but dig my fingernails into his skin.

“Oh, I like it when you are rough with me. Keep doing that.” Braun said to me, still in my shoulder.

I couldn't even help it, the faster he went, the harder my nails dug, and I think I even made him start bleeding in one spot. There were definitely marks.

I couldn’t help but think of a fantasy of mine, that was also in my steamy dream the other night, that would be perfect for this moment.

“Braun, I want you to choke me.” I could not believe I got it out in one shot. Everything seemed like a blur.

He gave me a dark look. “You want me to choke you? Have you been bad? I think my back is bleeding. That means you are a very bad girl and I need to teach you a little lesson.”

“Y-yes Braun. Te-teach me a- a lesson.” I managed to get out.

Braun pulled out and I made a really loud whimper in protest.

“Flip over and put your ass in the air.” He said.

I was in the doggystyle position for a minute before Braun did anything. Before I had the chance to look back to see what he was doing, I all of a sudden felt a huge SMACK on one of my ass cheek. I screamed in pleasure, “YES Braun.”

He spread my cheeks and placed his dick at my entrance and slowly put it in, then took it out. I began to shake my butt to pick up the pace. Bad idea.

SMACK. Took a hit right to the other cheek.

I learned my lesson and shut my mouth.

Once I did that, Braun began to pick up the pace and all of a sudden I felt a hand around my neck. Braun was leaning on top on me so he could choke me, per my request.

It was such a sensation. I was breathing so fast, but my airway was limited. Braun wasn’t choking me very tight.

Out of nowhere, Braun picked up the pace to maximum speed and things were beginning to get very sloppy and his hips were jamming into your ass. He also tightened his hand on your throat. 

“I need you to come with me, Princess. Can you do that? Can you come with me? I am almost- almost there…”

After a few more hard, sloppy thrusts, I could not wait any longer. “Okay- I- I am comi- coming” barely able to finish my sentence I was coming all over and down Braun’s dick.  I could feel Braun coming inside of me as soon as I started coming. He let go of my throat. We both let out a huge scream as we released. 

Braun plopped down on the bed and I fell down and laid there next to him. He pulled me into his chest.

It was silent for a few minutes, but it was just so we could catch up on our breath. That was the roughest sex I have ever had.

When our breathing finally calmed, Braun turned onto his side and looked right into my eyes then places the sweetest kiss on my lips.  “I am going to put a very good word in for you because I would like to see you around more often. Maybe even take you out to dinner sometime, if you’d like.” Braun said.

“I think I would like that very much.” I kissed Braun again. This would never get old.

My phone started ringing. I jumped out of bed real quick and wrapped myself in a blanket.  It was an unknown number, but I answered anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Y/N?”

“Yes it is.”

“Hi Y/N, this is Leslie, we met earlier today. How are you? I hope you are not busy.”

“Nope! Not busy at all! Thank you for calling! What’s up?”

“I just wanted to call and tell you that everyone gave a good word for you today, and one particular stood out that caught my eye, Mr. Braun Strowman said I would be silly not to offer you a job. So I am calling to see if you would be interested in working with us here at WWE with hair!”

 “Oh my gosh. Really? This means more than you know. Yes, I am interested and accept your offer!”

“Perfect I am so glad to her that! Can you start tomorrow?”

“Absolutely. I will see you tomorrow.”

I go back into the room and plop on the bed next to still naked Braun.

“Everything okay?” He asked seeming concerned.

I was so excited to tell him, “You won’t even guess what just happened. That was Leslie on the phone and she just offered me a job! I start tomorrow at SUMMERSLAM!”

He didn’t act as surprised as you were hoping,

“Wanna know a little secret? I already knew they were going to offer you that job.” He said with a huge smile.

I just shook my head at him, wrapped my arms around him, and kissed him.

Then a thought came to my head.

 “You know, we never did take that shower…..” I said with one eyebrow raised.

Braun had the biggest smirk on his face. He sat up and got really close to mine and said, “I know, I was saving it for round two.”