#so now I have too many options and am overwhelmed

[violetclarity]

how's feeling more confident about adulting this year going, violet?

so glad you asked. I told myself at the beginning of january that this year I'd be prioritizing both mine and my cat's health (e.g. taking us to the vet/doctor bc it's been years for either of us) and promptly made her a vet appt. now that the vet appt is arriving uhhh next week I'm realizing I really need to also make myself that doctor's appointment I guess? uh?? fuck!

[autumnoakes]

trying to figure out how to say 'i think i'm depressed' without sounding like i'm trying to make a meme (i'm not. this is genuine. i don't know how to fix it)

[danadaria]

Steddie Olympic AU where Eddie gets on his first Olympics for BMX freestyle, and it's so weird because he has been in competitions for many years but nothing like this, something so big and with so many rules.

His background was being a hyperkinetic kid who didn't really care about his life, and somehow being fearless and doing acrobatics became his career. Still, even then it wasn't so serious.

His thing were the X-games and open exhibitions, with fire, hard rock & metal, tattoos, and having RedBull as a sponsor.

Behind the adrenaline he and his friends are a bunch of clowns who just wanted to fly and have the bones of a child forever.

But now he's here: in the middle of a giant line in an ocean of other athletes, wearing a fucking blazer from Ralph Lauren and with the lamest jeans he had to wear in his entire life.

And everything is kinda awful, because he lost sight of friends (Gareth and Max, both skaters, but they train in the same place), and he just heard there's no McDonald's at the Olympics this year.

He doesn't even like McDonald's so much, but god, he grow up hearing about athletes eating hundreds of burgers and mcnuggets for free, and sue him, but his inner child was super excited about it.

"Are you ok, man?"

Eddie opens his mouth to give a snarky remark when he sees the most beautiful man in existence – GORGEOUS v-shape, honey eyes, pink pouty lips, and kissable moles– looking at him with concern.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything is okey-dokey" He says lamely.

The most beautiful man in existence snorts at him.

"Okey-dokey? What are you? Five?"

"Probably. I was sad because I found out today there's no free McDonald's this year. Now that I know I'm not sure if it is worth being here"

Eddie's future husband looks surprised for a second and laughs at him.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course. I read some people ate so many nuggets they left the Olympics cackling like a chicken: I wanted to be one of them!"

"Oh, yeah. I ate lots of them post-competition"

"See?!"

"Ok, I give you that. But this year there's going to be international cuisine and all that jazz"

"Knowing me, I'm going to get too overwhelmed with the options and I'll end with the saddest oatmeal every day."

"You have lots of food opinions for someone that's on a sports event"

"Well, is either that or thinking that my biggest rivals are a bunch of 15-year-olds from Brazil and Japan."

"Oh? What's your sport?"

"BMX freestyle"

"That's the race in the mountains?"

"That's literally BMX racing."

"Right." He looked ashamed.

Eddie needed to fix that look, now.

"And you? What's your poison?"

"Poison? You mean my sport?" Eddie nods at him encouragingly. "Gymnastics."

"I can see it." Eddie looks at him approvingly, "You have the arms of a gymnast, big boy."

The face of Eddie's future husband turns a beautiful shade of red. And Eddie is just a second away to ask for his name, and his number to change the course of his life, when he feels a hand on the jacket's collar.

"Here you are, loser. We need to go this way!"

And before Eddie can say anything, Max Mayfield (his new arch-nemesis) takes him away from the love of his life.

He says bye with a hand before being cruelly separated, disappearing into a sea of people.

"Do you want to be murdered before or after the opening ceremony, Red?"

"Oh, shut up loser."

____________________________________________________________

Steve is going back with his best friend to their apartment, feeling super frustrated. Somehow, 24 hours ago, he thought it would be a good idea to give his phone to his best friend for the inauguration night to avoid getting too excited and watching videos of the event until 4 am.

And now he was regretting ALL his life choices.

"You don't understand Robin, I met a super cute guy, but I couldn't get his name! I'm only going to search that and nothing else"

"Steve, you made me swear I wouldn't pass your phone on inauguration day, no matter the reason. You need to sleep"

"Easy for you to say. You didn't meet someone when you didn't have your phone!"

"I would understand better than anyone! I met the cutest girl competing at air riffle, aaaand I didn't have my phone either!"

"You gave her your presentation card, didn't you"

"Yes, sorry."

"See? Why didn't you make me buy some for me, too?"

They arrive at their floor. Steve knows they're a little obnoxious, but it was the first night and it's still early.

"Good night, neighbors! Isn't it too early in the event to be fighting?"

Steve looks up so fast, he probably hurt his neck a little bit. At the end of the hallway, sitting on the floor next to a very closed door, was Steve's meet-cute: All smiley, charming, and inviting.

"It's you!"

"Oh! Hi Mr. Gymnastics, and hi unknown lady."

"It's Robin Buckley," She says and goes straight to her apartment, "we probably going to see each other again, so good night".

And she closes the door firmly behind her.

"I didn't have. I mean. I don't have my phone to search for you."

The other boy looks at him, almost evaluating him, before giving Steve a big smile and offering his hand to stretch.

"Eddie Munson."

"Steve Harrington."

"So, would you-"

"There's a McDonald's near where I compete tomorrow. Would you like to go with me?"

Eddie stands up and walks until he's in front of Steve. He smiles.

"Would love it. After all, it was my childhood dream."

Steve smiles too.

[lueurjun]

━━━━ celestial vows. h. hyunjin

underground boxer!hyunjin x reader. written on pure sleep deprived vibes at 5 am after one too many hyunjin edits and a sudden rush of motivation to write.

“i’m going to give you a big house one day.”

delicate, lingering kisses brush against your skin, hidden beneath the veil of night. they scatter softly along your arm, trailing over your shoulder and up the curve of your neck, until they reach your lips. each kiss is a silent vow, a promise sealed by hyunjin’s lips, unbreakable as always. but this is more than a promise—it’s an oath. an oath to be better, to give you not just what you want, but what he believes you need.

“i’m going to get it all for you. the big house in the countryside, the dream car, the dogs. all of it—right now, it’s just a promise, a glimpse of the dream. but when the chance comes, i’ll make it real. i’m all in, baby, and it’s all for you."

another promise, sealed with a kiss—this time on your lips. firm yet soft, it leaves you sinking into him like velvet, every sense overwhelmed. as he draws back, his lips brush your nose, a whisper of a kiss, before he rests his head on your chest. he listens for your heartbeat, the rhythm he knows like the back of his hand, as if it were his favorite song, a melody he never tires of, woven into the fabric of his soul.

your hand slips into his hair, fingers threading through the soft strands, sending shivers rippling through his body. with your free hand, you gently trace the fresh scar on his cheek—a reminder of the price he's paying for the dream he’s hellbent on building for you. a life funded by something far from lawful—a job that tears at your heart, as if it endures the blows meant for him

"i don’t need any of that. not as long as i have you here with me, breathing and safe." the one-bedroom apartment is far from perfect; it’s cold, damp, and mold clings to the walls. it doesn’t feel like home; it’s just a place to exist. but you don’t need a nice house when your real sanctuary is found in two arms and a heartbeat—one you want to keep strong and steady.

“tell me what you envision for our future house.”

“hyunjin-”

he catches your hand, cradling it gently to his lips. “humour me, just this once.” though the darkness of the bedroom shields his eyes, you can feel the warmth of his gaze knowing that a lazy smile accompanies the usual shimmer in the brown.

“i picture being surrounded by plenty of land so our dogs can roam freely, enjoying life as they please. i’d love to have my own little garden, where i can plant pretty flowers and grow fresh produce for dinner. And i dream of a big bedroom with a bed that takes up the entire space—just so you’d stop hogging the mattress—” a yelp slips out before you realize it, surprised by his finger poking your side in warning, and you chuckle lightly. “but most of all, i want you. i want to come home every day and find you in that garden, playing with the dogs. i want to slow dance in our big kitchen, illuminated only by the moonlight… i just want you, hyunjin."

emotion sweeps over you like a gentle tide, and you lower your head, burying your face in his hair, inhaling the scent that feels like home, enveloping you in its warmth. he’s here, he’s safe—untouched and unbroken. he’s still your hyunjin, a steadfast light in the shadows, grounding you with his presence.

“you have me.” a promise tenderly bounded with a soft kiss upon your chest. “you will always have me, and i’ll give you everything and more. you deserve the world, and i swear it will be within your reach… just—” he exhales softly, vulnerability lingering in the air like a delicate thread. “just don’t leave me, okay? even when the fear rises and threatens to tear us apart… i know it’s selfish, but i can’t handle this without you. just hold on for me, will you?”

you nod, fully aware that leaving is not an option, even if you wished for it. your heart is intricately bound to his, a connection no one could sever—not even the dangerous path he insists on walking. whether you like it or not, you’re in this for the long haul; for the quiet moments spent cleaning up after his fights, for the anxious hours spent waiting for his safe return… for the life he has sketched in his mind. you’re in it for everything. for him.

“i won’t. but don’t leave me either, okay? keep that heart beating for me, yeah?”

he smiles against your chest, tilting his head up to meet your gaze. In the dim light, his silhouette blurs, yet you find him effortlessly, pressing your forehead against his. “Yeah. always.”

he seals his most crucial promise with a kiss to your lips. he can’t guarantee a safe return, but he’ll fight with every ounce of his strength. and as fear grips you, his words and actions provide a soothing comfort, allowing you to drift into a peaceful sleep with him wrapped around you, safe and sound.

[thesilmarillionblog]

𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part:𝟷𝟹

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: +18! (MINORS DNI), mutual masturbation, dirty talk, language, suspense

Word Count: 4791

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

Your heart raced at the thought of touching yourself at almost 1:00 AM when Ben was still awake in his bed. The sound of the video he was watching, which covered the most recent events in America, made it clear.

Even though you were a little anxious, you were quite serious when you told him you didn't feel ashamed or anything about touching yourself, whether he listened or not. In all honesty, you weren't entirely sure if you were feeling excited or anxious at the time. However, the second option would be preferable to the first for a variety of reasons.

You forced yourself not to chuckle when Ben began to curse and make brief comments about every news report and anything the interviewer mentioned. Sometimes his sensitive temper was almost amusing. 

He stopped watching the news, and you heard him taking off his sweatpants and shirt. It was evident to you that he disliked sleeping in too many clothes. Given his sudden and drastic shift in body temperature, it must now be even more unsettling. 

You had so many issues going through your thoughts that you weren't able to concentrate on his muscles or anything else when you were working out together. Even though you detested having feelings like this, you couldn't resist a desire for him because of how much thicker and stronger he was than before. You wanted to reassure yourself that it was nothing more than a bodily issue. You had not touched yourself in a long time, after all, and Ben was practically stroking himself loudly every day as if he wanted you to hear him jacking off.

Asshole.

You decided that the best way to let Ben know you weren't shy around him was when he started taking a midnight shower. As you widened your bare legs out on the bed, your heart began to race frantically as you felt the overwhelming urge deep down in your body. Then your hand began to gently stroke your clit through your underwear. Even though you were aware that you were completely dry, you hoped that the anxiety would pass quickly.

You slowly began to touch yourself and made an effort to block out everything in your mind, even for a brief period of time. It didn't matter that you knew your body and mind needed a picture to make you feel hot and excited; all you cared about was getting pleasure as soon as you could without thinking anything at all. But you were really dry, which really irritated you, and it was embarrassing. It seemed as though you had forgotten how to make your body feel good.

Your pride was pressing into your chest, even though you knew it would be simpler just to think about what your body most craved. You slid your fingers through your panties, lowered your nightgown, squeezed your breasts, and touched your clit some more. 

Ben's super-hearing picked up on you the instant you started touching yourself, and he briefly shut off the water so he could concentrate on your heartbeats. His half-hard cock throbbed with excitement as he knew you were finally rubbing yourself and that he was listening to everything. His lips twisted at this realization. 

He wanted to say anything—to talk to you, to help you come hard for him—but he swiftly shut his mouth out of fear that you would decide to back out. It was already apparent that you were uncomfortable with being touched since you had your own reasons. The way you looked at him told him that your body was yearning for him like hell. 

Even though the majority of what he wanted to tell you at that moment was dirty as fuck, he was able to stop being a jerk for that particular moment. 

You tried everything, but you were unable to find pleasure, which in turn made you enraged. When you tried to stick one of your fingers inside of you, you moaned in agony, but since you weren't even slightly wet, the motion caused your eyes to well up with tears, so you stopped feeling ashamed. Knowing that Ben was listening to you made you want to cover your head immediately because it was so awkward. 

You knew you dug your own grave when you said you would touch yourself as he listened, even though you knew it was your mistake in the first place—your need to demonstrate to him how courageous you were with your body and everything. You didn't have to do it in the first place. Embarrassed, you closed your eyes and wished Ben hadn't sensed you at all. 

When Ben heard your abrupt, painful moaning and slowing heartbeat, he frowned. He would have known if you were finished, so he realized something wasn't right at that precise moment. 

Ben softly inquired, “What's wrong?” not sure how to handle this and hoped you would be at least open to a chat. 

You wanted to turn your back, turn him off, and go to sleep, but you just couldn't. You needed to relax just as much as your body did, but you were completely unprepared for what was happening. When your sorrow and resentment toward Ben lingered deep inside and you refused to think about him at all while touching yourself, everything became extremely difficult and complicated. 

No one existed before him, and no one existed after him. Therefore, when you didn't think about him, neither your body nor you knew how to handle yourself. In the past, everything revolved around him; today, nothing does. 

Saying, “I can't do it,” you forced yourself to stop crying and avoid looking silly. 

Ben attempted to be careful with his remarks so as not to hurt your feelings or make you feel ashamed. He shut off the water entirely. “Are you nervous?” 

You just said, “No,” pulling up your nightgown as your blushes turned red with shame. Thank goodness he didn't see you at that moment. 

“What happened then?” Ben asked in a tone so low that it nearly made your heart melt. 

You inhaled deeply and let your gaze linger in the pitch-black space for a while. When at last you stated, “It feels dry,” Perhaps you simply needed to organize your life and get rid of everything that was stressing you out, and now wasn't the right time. 

“You can't get wet there?” Ben inquired, a little confused because he knew there would never be an issue with you about this. In the past, he didn't even have to attempt to get you wet and ready for him; it always took just a few seconds. Ben was thus surprised that this was the first time such an issue had emerged. 

But, of course, you were together before he ruined everything in the past. Ben reasoned that your emotional imbalance must have been at the root of the situation. Knowing that he was the real cause and that you were probably completely unaware of it made his heart ache. 

Without saying anything, you gave him your approval with a murmur. 

Ben abruptly said, “Let me help you,” in a serious tone. He knew it wouldn't be that difficult if you would just allow him. 

You blushed and mumbled, “Don't you come in here,” fearing that Ben was already making other plans. 

Without holding back smiles, he added, “I wasn't,” immediately. “I will be staying here, and you will be there.”

Ben's lips twitched in excitement as he heard your heartbeat slightly quicken again, and you stayed silent, showing that this time you didn't reject him immediately. "Just let me," he urged, attempting to talk sense into you while his breathing intensified in anticipation of helping you. 

You said, in a murmur, “Okay,” not wanting to consider whether this was the worst idea. All you needed was to escape the weighty sensation in your chest and the issues that were already controlling your existence at that moment. 

It was hard for Ben not to go out from bathroom and get into your room already, make you feel good as you deserved, but he was well aware of your permission was enough for now. "I'll fix this, I promise," he said with determination. He meant it, and it was about everything and anything when he said it.

Ben gave a tough-voiced command, “Spread your legs,” as he impatiently awaited whatever was going to happen. When his voice effortlessly overpowered you, he was aware of how much your body enjoyed it. 

You followed his instructions, not caring that his words made your heart race. Knowing how much your body enjoyed it was frustrating. 

Ben said, “Touch yourself. Slowly.”

Gently placing your palm over your clit, you began to massage it once more, this time paying attention to Ben's words and breathing as though you were in the same room, in the in the same place, at that moment. 

Ben gave another command: “Don't rush; do it slowly.” You were rushing without even realizing it. “Be nice and gentle to that sweet pussy.” 

His voice was rough as he said, “Lower your gown.” He couldn't decide who was more excited at that precise moment. “Reveal your gorgeous breasts. Your beautiful nipples have probably hardened by now.” 

Your body trembled as you squeezed one of your nipples between your fingers as per his directions. Your breathing was heavy and noticeable, but you forced your lips together and restrained yourself from moaning. 

“Are you touching your nipples right now?” Ben said, ignoring the fact that his own shaft was already hard and aching for attention. “I know you like it when I play with your nipples.”

You tried to mutter ‘yes,’ but it was hardly audible. You closed your eyes and gave a tight squeeze to one of your tits while quivering as you breathed deeply. 

“Fuck,” he whispered. His veins were evident, and his fully hardened cock was throbbing. “I miss sucking those nipples so much, especially when I'm fucking you.”

You gulped as your walls clamped around nothingness, and you could feel yourself growing wetter quicker this time. Your body was undoubtedly thrilled; even though your reaction to his words and to him didn't make your mind happy, it surely did your body and down there. 

Ben said, “Tell me if you're wet.” He grabbed himself in hand, unable to contain the massive erection between his legs any longer. “Check your sweet cunt and tell me.”

You mumbled, “I am,” shaking with pleasure and excitement as he continued speaking in the same way. “I am..wet.” 

“Fuck, baby. I'm sure you are. I know that this little tight pussy is pretty wet at the moment,” Ben grewled and began to pump himself. He touched the wall with his other hand. “Put one of your fingers inside.” 

You could tell Ben was stroking himself because of the sloppy noises he was making. He wasn't even trying to keep it quiet; his movements were becoming rougher and louder by the second. 

You were surprised when one of your fingers easily slid inside your pussy since you felt extremely wet at the exact moment. Your lips are parted with both pleasure and disbelief. You were unable to control your moaning after Ben told you to gently touch yourself while he was stroking himself. You spread your legs a bit more, moaned aloud, and arched your back. 

He growled, “Fuck, fuck,” and began to pump his shaft even more forcefully. He was about to go crazy hearing your lovely whimpers. He moaned and balled his fist around the wall, saying, “Keep fucking yourself with your fingers; fuck this little hole for me. I want to fuck your little cunt so badly right now. Just as you need it, I would give you a really deep and rough fuck and fill you up with my cock. Keep going; I know you're almost there.”

You just kept rubbing yourself as he instructed and panting while Ben spoke in such a way. You knew you were getting close when your walls began to clench, even though you weren't aware that his words or the way he stroked himself in between growls were pushing you over the edge at this point. Your body and mind were yearning to utter his name, but you suppressed the need to scream his name. 

“Gonna suck that swollen pussy so good, make you come in my mouth.”

Your moans became uncontrollably louder as Ben's curses mixed with the sound of him beating himself rather aggressively. Ben's only desire at that moment was to enter your room and give your pussy a single thrust with his cock. He was aware that you would take him so quickly and easily at that point. He was going insane from your moans and the small sound of your sickness between your fingers. 

Ben let out a very loud growl, “Come to me,” as he was no longer able to control it. His palm tightened around his cock, and his strokes became more intense. “Let me fucking come inside you.”

Your mind was immediately filled with memories of the last time he had filled you up, and as soon as he finished speaking, you felt your walls tighten around your finger as your heart raced, leaving you gasping for air.

Ben could no longer hold himself when he heard your heartbeat and moans during the orgasm. He pumped his reddened cock ferociously and began to spill into his hand in the bathroom, his other fisted hand suddenly pressing against the wall and creating a hole, all the while listening to your little moans.

When the effects of your orgasm faded and you removed your wet finger from your pussy, your eyes widened in shock at what had just transpired. Your legs were still shaking. Ben continued to come into his hand and curse.

As you lay in bed, exhausted and still struggling to breathe, your hearts were racing in sync.

Slowly coming to your senses, you hastily straightened your nightgown as your cheeks flushed. 

“You okay?” Ben asked in between gasps.

You shifted in bed and closed your eyes tightly, muttering, “Yes,” trying to fall asleep as quickly as possible. 

Ben understood he shouldn't be too forceful with you right now and to give you some space because he realized it was an important development for you and didn't want to make you feel bad about anything. Even though it hurt to end things this way and let silence fester between you, he continued taking a shower and listened to you drift off to sleep without saying anything. 

Ben got up early to prepare for his road trip with Butcher and suited up while he listened to your steady breathing as you slept peacefully. The door was open, so as he approached your room, he caught a glimpse of your sleeping body on the bed. 

As Ben drew nearer to your bed, he could see that you were sleeping face down with one knee bent toward your stomach, exposing your ass. You, too, had your tits practically on full display. If everything was fine and you just let him fuck you deep and rough every morning and let him awaken you in such a way, that would be perfect. 

His cock throbbed beneath his suit, and he gingerly grasped the thin blanket and placed it over your body to cover you. Before he got suited up, he should have beaten his meat again. 

You whimpered in disapproval as you moved the cover away from your body, feeling the burning heat. You realized as your sleep started to fade that Ben had covered your body with a blanket, even though it was actually burning both inside and out. 

“Ben, it's summertime.” You whispered, “What the hell?” as you moved the blanket away from your body after you took it from between his hands. 

“Your door was left open.” He mumbled, “Someone might have seen you,” and he carefully settled into the edge of your bed. 

He found it irritating that you slept in such a seductive nightgown when other men were present, and he was going to be leaving you with one of them. Instead of forcing you to stay in the house, he should have fought Butcher to make you come with them. 

“Already have,” you said, hoping for ease of sleep once more. But Ben was determined to keep you up. 

Ben gazed at your ass, between your legs, and on your back before saying, “I'm about to leave,” and he cleared his throat. “Pick up your phone when I give you a call.”

You gasped, “Leave me alone,” as he continued talking while you were attempting to get some morning sleep. 

“You seem really grumpy this morning. Aren't you?” He chuckled as you continued to moan irritably. “Don't leave the house until I'm back, and never trust that stupid human.”

He wouldn't let you sleep in peace, so his talking caused your eyes to open slightly. You growled, “For fucks sake, Ben,” frustrated that he wouldn't even let you get a decent night's sleep. “Sun didn't even rise, and you're already annoying.”

“Sweetheart, I'm just telling you I'll be here as soon as possible. Why did you suddenly become angry?” 

“I don't care,” you replied as you shut your eyes once again and moved around the bed a little to get into a more comfortable position. “You do whatever you want to do. Go to Herogasm and spend the day and night there. I really don't care, Ben.”

When you told Ben you didn't give a damn about what he would be doing in Herogasm, he grimaced. Since you detested that particular region so much, he realized right away that this subject would be a pain in his ass. 

“I've already made it clear that I have no interest. We won't be even staying there for a day.”

You muttered, hoping to get a little more sleep. “So you would be interested if you just stayed longer,” you said. 

Ben stated firmly, “That's not really what I meant. You're just twisting words.”

You asked, “Are you happy you just ruined my sleep?” as you turned to face him, inhaled deeply, opened your eyes, and shifted on the bed. 

He whispered, “Of course,” peering at your tits without even blinking. “..not.”

Your heart tightened at the way Ben's suit encased his broad arms as he slowly cleared his throat and stood up. 

“By the way,” he remarked as he headed to the wardrobe. After putting a lot of clothes away for a while, he turned to face you and smiled a little. “I thought you would want this back.”

You quietly murmured, “Where did you even find this?” as you stood up from the bed and approached him after realizing that he was holding your own outfit. You were so taken aback that you couldn't find words to express how you felt at that moment.

The pride filled his chest, and he couldn't contain his small smile when he saw how astonished you were when you took your suit and looked it over. “I visited Legend the day I had some free time and took both of our suits. Since it was smelling so awful, I threatened to kill him there until he cleaned it up.”

You smiled slightly at him, your hands still lingering on your suit, reminding you of things you really wanted to hide under the rug. 

“I am aware that before all of this, you had left Vought. I also don't want you to get into any fights. But whatever happens, it's yours,” he stated, seeing your wandering thoughts. 

With sincerity, you murmured, “Thank you, Ben,” and noticed him nodding and letting out a sigh of relief. 

“Fine, I need to go right now.”

Though you couldn't read his expressions, he was staring at you as if he wanted to say or do something. You said, “Ben, be careful there,” and used one of your hands to touch the thick, hard chest plate to indicate to him what you meant before he moved to exit the room. “Don't mess things up.”

He winked at you and answered, “Sure,” walking out of the room.

Ben, Butcher, and Hughie had left the house hours ago, and you had done nothing but watch the news together as you usually did and watch Kimiko and Frenchie till it became night. You never asked Kimiko personal questions so as not to put her in discomfort; instead, she spoke with hand gestures and occasionally by utilizing her phone. You just believed that she was the most sincere team member. You just felt this way. It might be beneficial for you to do training at some point, and it might even help you form a friendship. 

You were a little irritated with Ben for breaking his word and not making more than one call, even if you didn't really care what he was doing at the time. You had interrupted him when he was telling you that they were about to arrive at Herogasm. He last spoke with you hours ago, and he hasn't called you since. You asked Frenchie to check your phone to see if there was something wrong because you weren't receiving any more calls so as not to raise suspicions or anything, but he assured you everything was great. Stupid Jackass didn't even bother to call.

Frenchie talked to Kimiko about a supe you just heard on TV. At that point, your mind was preoccupied with various thoughts, and you were unable to concentrate on what they were talking about. 

“Kimiko, you have to be careful this time,” Frenchie added. “It's important. You simply place the bugs and depart from the residence where A-Train frequently travels. Maybe we can learn something about Maeve and Noir this time.”

As she took the bugs from his palms, Kimiko grinned and gave him the thumbs up. 

Frenchie added, “You have to come with us too,” in a hesitant and shy tone. 

“Why?” you asked, continuing to glance at your phone before putting it in your pocket out of annoyance at your own mindset. 

“Well, it's best if we all stick together, and we might need some help there. You know, I don't want to fight with Butcher and your friend.”

Kimiko gave him her rapid nod of approval, and you answered, “All right. Well, it would be better if I simply walked outside. I'm so bored hiding like a rat. It's like it's written in my destiny book.”

Upon Hughie's arrival at the location with Butcher, Ben ordered Hughie to “go there and bring TNT Twins right here.” Ben decided that it would be better to force Hughie to bring the Twins without really going inside, since Hughie had previously informed him about his abilities when he and Butcher had injected Temp-V once more. First of all, he would refrain from going there as you would prefer, and secondly, there would be no risk of him blowing up unexpectedly and creating another issue. 

Hughie sighed and nodded at him, saying, “All right, all right. However, if I don't return after ten or fifteen minutes, something is most likely wrong.” 

“Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?” As Butcher noticed Hughie growing uneasy, he suggested. 

“No need,” Hughie said, placing his hands on his hips and inhaling deeply. 

Ben stated in a harsh voice, “Something better not be wrong,” and turned to walk in a different way to make a phone call after he pointed a finger right to Hughie's face.

When Kimiko was repeatedly told what to do by Frenchie, as though he were speaking to a kid, Kimiko became irate and gave him a little shove, making a sound that made it obvious how irritated she was. Then you all stayed in Frenchie's van as they quickly conversed through gestures. As you watched everyone strolling down the street, you sighed, your heart clenched, longing to do so many things that you had no idea about what. 

Your phone rang, so you answered it and waited for Ben to speak. 

“I was unable to call you as I had slept too much in the car. Where are you?” Ben asked, hearing the sounds of the crowd around you in a stiff voice. 

“Why do you care?” you murmered as you watched Kimiko and Frenchie discuss. “Frenchie and Kimiko will be watching some guy. We are waiting for his van,” you said, not wanting to start an argument.

“You should have stayed in the house,” he said firmly. Ben didn't want to sound rough or anything, but considering the situation, he couldn't help but be concerned. “Is it because that fucker didn't leave you alone?”

“Stop that, Ben,” you said, getting angry at him as though he were talking to a little girl. “Even if something happens, I'm still a supe and I can guarantee you that I can protect myself better than anyone.”

He spoke up a little. “I'm not saying that you can't protect yourself,” but it was obvious he was attempting to sound calm and controlled. 

Ben told Butcher to shut up between curses when Butcher said, “We need to go inside,” as you heard. 

You scowled in perplexity as you said, “It seems you're needed there.” Your gaze locked on a black figure in the shadows. 

“Let's avoid starting this over. I promise to get the task done quickly. Perhaps we can also locate Mindstorm. You know there are some serious priorities, and Herogasm definitely is not one of them,” Ben remarked, attempting to calm down and suppress his rage at Frenchie for preventing you from staying at home. 

Breathing deeply, you attempted to see the figure again and whispered, “Okay,” not wanting to complicate things because you knew that his newest powers would cause problems and you didn't want him to make a scene there. Since you didn't trust his anger management difficulties at all, it would actually be best if you were just there with him. 

“Good,” he replied, relieved that you no longer seemed agitated, angry, or uneasy in the slightest. “Be careful there; we'll see each other again soon. I have to go now, sweetie.”

You hung up the phone, blushing inexplicably, and replied in a low voice, “Okay,” while your fingers traced around one of the seats. 

After you ended the call, Kimiko and Frenchie were exploring the area as they discussed the strategy once more, and you kept your gaze focused on the shadowy figure whose mask-covered eyes were staring at you. He was examining the van, and you in particular, from across the street. 

You knew that black suit and the mask. He used to be your best friend once. 

Your heart started to race, which caused you to cautiously and without hesitation get out of the van while keeping your eyes fixed on him. You had no idea how he found you, how he saw you, or what his purpose was, but you were certain that you had too much to share. Maybe it would have been better if you had just told everyone, but it wasn't about them. For now, it was just between him and you. You were in desperate need of answers. 

You followed him fearlessly to the shadowy nook where he was waiting when he noticed that you were staring at him too. It was already crowded. 

“Earving?” You kept a distance to be cautious and whispered in a suspicious tone while you waited anxiously for an answer.

⋆⋅☆⋆☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋆☆⋅⋆

There was too much to talk.

Next Chapter

A/N: Comments and reblogs are appreciated very much.  They keep me going. ♡˚.

Taglist: @mostlymarvelgirl @xmariakx @spnfamily-j2 @suspicious-stain-in-spain @atomicsoulcollecto @yvonneeeee @starryperson @mfnqueen1 @chaand-sitara @boywivlove @stilinskisthings @brynanna @delaynew @yoyoanaria @n-o-p-e-never @ghostslillady @certifiedhaters @deans-spinster-witch @demodemo909 @stoneyggirl2 @cheynovak @libby99hb @moneyburner @jenn-777q @hey-there0-0  @purplerosequartz @shadowghoul2525 @darkqueen1995 @simpin4pixels @deebris @spideybv28 @mystic-mara

Let me know if you want to be tagged in this series. ♡˚.

[mshalfemptygirl]

Cupid (S.R)

Plot: Our favorite Doutor confess feels to his best friend also co-worker, Y/N.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAUFem!Reader

Contents: Really quicky mention to drinks, cases, makeout but fluffy for sure.

A/N: hello readers, I disappeared for a year because of work and college and a serious health problem but I'm better than ever and coming back to writing has brought me back to life. I hope you like her because she's cute, a couple from a romance movie basically, so like and share if you like it.

"Alright, Spence. What are your thoughts on the woman over there in the dark green dress? She looks elegant, charming, and quite attractive. She might even share an interest in the books you enjoy, don’t you think? What’s your take?" I gestured toward the woman who had just taken a seat at the bar, alone. I was on a mission to play matchmaker for Spencer. Although he hadn’t asked for my help, I thought it would be useful to offer a female perspective. Spencer’s inherent shyness meant he needed substantial guidance in social situations, especially when it came to women.

The ambiance was pleasant. We were seated at a table near the main entrance. Given that it was Thursday, the bar was relatively quiet, but it was the only day we both had free to unwind after a grueling series of cases in New York. Honestly, I’m not sure what’s been happening this past month, but I’ve reviewed so much material that when I close my eyes, I still see the words on the pages. And Spence? The poor guy has never analyzed so many maps in his life. I thought this break was well-deserved, and he certainly deserved a chance to spend time with someone special. Well, both of us could use a moment with someone, but I’m on a cupid’s mission and need to stay focused—no distractions, no more than three drinks.

"She’s attractive, but I’m not fond of blondes, and she seems a bit too tall for my taste. I don’t think it would work out," he replied. I frowned and looked at him with disbelief. This was the fifth woman he had dismissed that evening, and his options were rapidly dwindling. I downed my beer in one gulp and stared him down, hoping to make him realize it was now or never. "Spence, you don’t need to be so selective. I understand it’s challenging for you, but you’re only looking for someone to kiss. I’d love to kiss that girl! She’s stunning. Just approach her, buy her a drink, and then kiss her. Go on, now," I urged impatiently. He needed to make the first move.

"I understand, Y/N. She’s attractive, but I don’t want to kiss her, that’s all," he said, turning back to the bar and taking a sip of his whiskey. I knew him well enough to sense he was hiding something. This was a significant step for him, and despite our discussions about taking a break, he seemed reluctant to pursue it. Ugh, he could be so stubborn.

"I know there’s more to it, love. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Am I being too pushy, is that it? I’m sorry if I’m a bad cupid. I’ll stop. Look, I’m waving the white flag—peace," I said, grabbing a napkin and waving it theatrically. I flashed a grin, and he chuckled. It was always like this: he was the serious one, and I was the humorous one. He loved books, and I adored movies. He was the little angel, and I was the little devil. "Very amusing, but I swear, I have nothing to hide from you," he assured me.

"Spencer..." I gave him my best puppy-dog eyes. He looked uncomfortable, but he started to speak anyway, with a hint of resignation in his voice. "Well, there’s this girl I’ve developed feelings for... she’s incredibly nice and fun. When she talks to me, I can’t think of anything else. I’m not sure how to articulate my feelings, but I don’t want to kiss anyone else. She’s everything to me now." I was overjoyed and exhilarated. I’d never seen Spence so in love before, and now he had someone special in his life. Of course, I felt a twinge of jealousy, but I was also genuinely happy for him. This was a delightful surprise.

"Spencer Walter Reid!! Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?! Did you—" I exclaimed, relieved that the bar was mostly empty. His face flushed red as he tried to cover my mouth with his hand. "Y/N, please don’t shout!!! I didn’t know sooner, I didn’t realize it until now..." he explained. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my excitement. "Alright... you need to go talk to her right now and give her a proper kiss! I’ll handle things here. Just go for it!"

He looked at me wide-eyed, his hands on my shoulders. "You really think so? Are you sure?" I snorted. "Absolutely, go now." And that’s when he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as if steeling himself for what he was about to do. His fingers gently gripped the back of my neck, his touch both tender and urgent. He leaned in, and I could feel the warmth of his breath against my skin before our lips finally met. I was stunned, my body tensed, and my eyes remained open for a moment, but his lips were so soft that I quickly surrendered to the kiss. Our lips moved together in sync, and I felt a profound connection. He wasn’t as shy as I’d thought—he had a way with words and was incredibly sweet. I couldn’t explain it, but he was perfect. Suddenly, I found myself bewitched by the very arrow of Cupid I had sent forth.

As we broke away from the kiss, I gazed at him, utterly bewildered, my heart racing with every beat. "Spence, what was that? You just..." I asked, my voice trembling with genuine confusion. He looked at me with an expression that blended sincerity and vulnerability before responding in a tone that was soft yet deeply meaningful: "Well, the truth is, the woman I’ve been admiring all along is you. I’m sorry if this comes as a shock, but you asked me to act, so I did."

I was momentarily stunned, a whirlwind of emotions overtaking me. How could I have been so blind not to notice this sooner? I opened my mouth for the first time in minutes to speak my heart. "Spence, there's no need to apologize. I'm just... surprised! That was really something," I said, still trying to wrap my head around the moment. I paused, letting it all sink in. "So, does this count as our first date, or would you rather have a more traditional one?" I asked with an amused tone, trying to ease the tension that had built between us, feeling a bit uncertain about what came next.

"Oh, I definitely want another date. How about I take you out for dinner, and you wear that dark blue dress you had on at Rossi’s? I love the way it looks on you," he said, his words making a warm sensation spread through me. "You’re so sweet, Spence. I hadn’t really noticed it before. If I’d known you kissed like that..." I replied with a laugh, hugging him tightly. "And you can bet I’ll wear the dress if it makes you happy." With a gentle caress on my face, I brushed his bangs off his forehead, feeling a bit strange about kissing one of my best friends, but I was glad he had the courage to confess something so significant.

I looked at his face again and could see him a bit embarrassed by the events of the night that had unfolded in a public place. It wasn’t something he had planned, and he likes to plan things. "Y/N, may I kiss you a little longer?" he asked, his eyes searching mine for permission. Instead of answering, I pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss, savoring the moment.

Talk to me

Spencer Reid Masterlist

A/N: let me know if you want me to tag you

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 1 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7])

well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

do you think it took Rio a long time to choose her revenge dress? did she agonize over every detail? I picture her process like, okay I need an outfit that says fuck you (threatening) but also fuck you (horny) and fuck me (very horny) and then circle all the way back to FUCK YOU THOUGH (VERY threatening)

as to why Rio goes from super soft to *that* - I see it as the equivalent of the TV trope where someone almost dies and their loved one is very concerned, but as soon as there's no danger they slap them around the head and call them a fucking idiot. this is Rio's WELCOME HOME, CHEATER moment (Agatha has been kiiiind of been cheating death, lbr)

this is the best way rio could choose to approach agatha too, and not only because it lets her express all that pent up anger. what would be the alternative? sit Agatha down and have a honest chat? Rio knows her too well, she knows it would be simply too much. Agatha *is* more comfortable with big bombastic scenes, with violence that is a lot like foreplay. Rio is looking out for her right now, she is making it as easier for Agatha as she can, while also not letting her get away with her bullshit any longer.

one little sentence, so many ways to read it

only physically. she's not letting you in. not anymore. you'll have to save her from herself kicking and screaming. dear god she's actually honestly crying. this is a WHOLE fucking deal. and it's also the first time she sees Rio while knowing WHO rio is. she's feeling all the feelings

girls. GIRLS. how am I supposed to take decent screenshots if you keep flinging each other at walls. keep STILL! (look at the furniture btw, isn't it a bit curved? I think they're still using a fisheye lens. reality is still shifting. almost as if we're in the presence of an otherworldly being)

oh the metaphor of it. sometimes you just have to reach out and connect, even if you get hurt in the process.

BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN SHIELDING FOR SO LONG TO HIDE FROM PAIN. OH MY GOD. did a 2000s emo kid write this

every other MCU fight wishes it were this perfect storm of hot and emotionally devastating

Rio cannot physically kill Agatha, it's not allowed, she's only the collector. So what is she trying to do, exactly? Has Agatha really been cheating death for so long that Rio has no choice but to bring her in? Or is she not here to collect at all and this is just her way to get back at her ex (and possibly win her back)? I adore both options, they're tragic in different ways.

time to bullshit! time to bolt! time to get to that escape route! this is what Agatha does best. anything but face the truth

funny how agatha usually has no problem looking undignified. it's almost like this is not the point at all. so let's review: wanda has stripped agatha of the powers that have been keeping her hidden from rio. rio comes over to confront her - and not kill her, she wouldn't be allowed anyway. she does it in a way that agatha would find less scary than having a mature convo. still, agatha has to face things she's been escaping for so long and it's simply too horrifying, too overwhelming. the fact that she's joking around so much (while her future conversations with rio will be sad, soft, dramatic) tells you just how scared and how miserable she is. She's begging rio to stop, because even fighting and flirting, which is their comfort zone, is proving too much. And what does rio do? She listens and goes away. only temporary, she won't let her off the hook now that she has found her. but she's still willing to go at Agatha's pace.

aubrey plaza I would die for your evil little face

can I just say that agatha trying to flirt right now is devastating? she is at the end of her rope. she does NOT want rio to stay, doesn't trust herself around her in so many ways. but she knows how much rio wants her and just... she tries to manipulate her with flirting. it's a desperate gamble, completely undignified, completely in character for agatha. she offers herself to rio, but only physically. when what they had was infinitely more than that, it was beautiful, it was sacred.

and rio... forgives her. she laughs another one of her little soft laughs and lowers the blade. plaza is so good here, the way she says "okay, agatha," is a perfect blend of resentment and tenderness. she knows agatha better than anyone ever had or ever will. she knows why she does everything she does. and she follows her lead. one last time.

agatha's relief. she's trembling, deflated but still on her guard. she looks completely traumatized. the masterpiece that this scene is: you feel smart when you realize that they're flirting rather than fighting. when it finally dawns on you the real weight of their encounter... it's too late.

"by the way there's a bunch of scary witches after you and I totally want them to kill you, that's why I'm telling you exactly who they are and when they're coming"

agatha tries with all her might to believe that rio is heartless. because anger is easier than sadness.

we're leaning, we're leaning, we're leaning!

rio licking agatha's wound to heal it perfectly encapsulates her feelings: anger, horniness, and infinite tenderness. what a power move. rio was the one in control this whole scene, and it wrecked agatha.

"te veo" (I'm gonna go scream in a pillow)

she's gone, honey, she's gone. breathe.

Billy walking on the two of them having sex would have been less awkward than this

she was a BIT preoccupied, kid

and episode 1 is in the bag!

next stop: IT'S LILIA TIME

go to episode 2 part 1

[syluslnd]

Hello! I am one of the silent readers I truly adore your writing<3!! I just wanted to ask if you could write about the reader and sylus, reader dealing with eating disorder/,body dysphoria,and just has trouble taking care of themselves, snapping once or twice hurt/comfort, heavy comfort,mentions of psyhical issues,consistent pain and cold as well as Sylus gaining readers trust about this specific thing a bit by bit,and how he would act?? You don't have to take this request if it's too much/too dark,it's just something I have been struggling with!!

when your ed consumes your life but sylus sticks with you through it all

tags-angst with eventual comfort,mentions of calories,tw ed

word count 3.9k

(Note-I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this,I think every person struggling with an ED is worthy of recovery,if you feel like you need to vent you can always reach out to me love xx)

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The restaurant is lavish, the kind of place where every meal comes with an air of sophistication. Sylus is calm as always, seated across from you, his dark eyes scanning the menu with ease. You, however, are tense, heart pounding in your chest. Your hands feel colder than usual as you grip the menu, trying to decipher the options.

No calories listed. Panic flickers in your mind, twisting your stomach. How are you supposed to know what to pick? What if it’s too much? What if you can’t control yourself?

You glance around, catching sight of a girl a few tables over. She’s effortlessly thin, her figure draped perfectly in a sleek black dress. You hate how your mind jumps to her. Look at her arms, you think bitterly. She probably doesn’t even have to try. She’s not bloated. She’s not panicking about what she eats.

You lower your eyes, feeling that familiar rush of shame for even thinking that way, but it doesn’t stop the thoughts. The woman across the restaurant is laughing at something her date said, her hair bouncing as she moves, carefree. You wish you could be like that, but every thought is consumed by numbers. How many calories. How much you can eat without spiraling into guilt. Even your skin feels wrong—too thick , too suffocating. You wrap your arms around yourself, feeling the chill that never really goes away.

Sylus clears his throat softly, his gaze flicking up from the menu. “You decide yet?” His tone is light, relaxed, but his words make your chest tighten.

You shift in your seat, staring at the options, willing yourself to choose something, anything that won’t make you feel sick with guilt later. But every meal feels like a minefield. You glance up at him, trying to hide the unease you know must be showing on your face.

“I’m still looking” you mumble, your voice tight. You hate how strained you sound.

Sylus leans back slightly, his brow arching ever so slightly, though his expression stays calm. “Take your time” he says, still polite, though there’s a subtle suggestion in his voice, like he’s trying to gently push you to make a decision.

Something snaps inside you. “well maybe if you didn’t take me to such an unhealthy restaurant I wouldn’t be struggling with what to choose” The words come out harsher than you intended, the panic in your chest twisting into frustration. You can see the surprise in his eyes but he stays composed, watching you carefully, trying to understand.

You instantly regret it, swallowing down the lump in your throat. He didn’t mean anything by it. You know that. It’s not his fault. But now your chest feels too tight, and the pressure of being here, in this fancy restaurant with all these indulgent options, is overwhelming. You’re suffocating in your own thoughts.

Sylus remains calm, though you can see the flicker of concern behind his steady gaze. “I just thought you’d like it sweetie” he says quietly, his voice smooth, without a hint of anger. “You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to.”

His words are kind but they only deepen the pit forming in your stomach. You force a small, apologetic smile, trying to smooth things over. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it” you murmur, your fingers fiddling with the napkin in your lap.

He nods, and though the moment is awkward, he doesn’t push further, allowing you the space to collect yourself. When the waiter comes by, you order the only thing that feels remotely safe: a Caesar salad, something you know you can control. No dressing, of course and you only plan on picking at it anyway.

When the food arrives, Sylus digs into his meal with an almost graceful ease, cutting his steak neatly, chewing slowly. You watch him for a moment, your mind spinning. How can he just eat like that, so casually, so… politely? Every bite he takes is deliberate, calm. You feel so out of place, like you’re being suffocated by your own fears.

Your salad sits untouched for a while before you finally pick up your fork. The chicken on top looks perfectly cooked but you can’t bring yourself to touch it. Too many calories. Instead, you nibble at the lettuce and croutons, calculating the numbers in your head.

The lettuce is probably only 60 calories. The croutons… maybe 130? You do the math over and over, feeling a mix of disgust and guilt wash over you for even eating that much. It feels like too much. Too indulgent.

Across the table, Sylus glances at your plate, his expression unreadable. “Not hungry?” he asks and his voice is soft, like he’s trying to avoid making you uncomfortable.

You force a smile, pushing the food around your plate. “Just… not much of an appetite today” you lie, hoping he doesn’t press further. But inside, all you can think about is how much you’ve already eaten, how you’ll need to make up for it later. The guilt gnaws at you, making you feel sick.

Sylus doesn’t push but you can feel his eyes on you, watching. It’s like he knows something’s off but doesn’t quite know how to bring it up and as the night drags on, all you can think about is how you’re failing. How every bite feels like a battle you can’t win.

The guilt from last night had been gnawing at you since the moment you woke up. Your mind was set: no food today. No exceptions. The plan felt necessary, like a way to atone for the indulgence you let yourself have. The 60 calories of lettuce, the 130 for the croutons… You couldn’t shake the disgust, the shame for what you ate. Every time you replayed the night in your head, you felt like you’d lost control.

You wrapped yourself tighter in a blanket, your body feeling colder than usual, though it wasn’t even winter yet. The headache from your lack of calories was already starting to throb, but you could deal with that. It was better than the guilt.

Sylus had said he was busy today, so you weren’t expecting any visitors. The day stretched ahead, just you and your plan to fast. But as the afternoon rolled in, the sound of the doorbell echoed through your place. Confused, you hesitated before answering. You weren’t in the mood for visitors. Not today.

Opening the door, you froze in shock. There stood Sylus, dressed in his usual dark, tailored clothes, holding a bag. Your heart sank when you realized what was inside: your favorite candies, the kind that would wreck your fast in an instant. Your pulse quickened, panic swirling in your chest.

“Hey kitten” Sylus greeted, his voice casual but there was an undercurrent of warmth. He gave you a small smile, one that would’ve made you melt on any other day. “Thought I’d surprise you.”

You stared at him, feeling your blood boil. How could he? you thought, anger bubbling up out of nowhere. He didn’t even tell you he was coming over, and worse, he brought food. The sweets you loved, the ones you knew you wouldn’t be able to resist. It felt like he was sabotaging you, like he didn’t understand how hard you were trying to control yourself.

Your fists clenched at your sides, and before you could stop yourself, the words snapped out. “Why are you here?” Your voice was sharper than you intended, and Sylus’s brow furrowed, his eyes darkening just slightly at your tone.

“What do you mean sweetie ?” he asked, his voice calm but with that underlying tension. “I brought you these.” He gestured to the bag of candies, the smile still there but faltering as he noticed the shift in your demeanor. “You love these, remember?”

The sight of the bag sent a wave of panic through you. I can’t eat that, your mind screamed. I’ll get fat. I’ll lose control.

Anger surged again but it was tangled with guilt. How could he be so thoughtless? How could he show up with this when you were trying so hard to fast, to make up for the mistakes of yesterday? Your head pounded, the cold feeling in your body clashing with the heat of frustration.

“I can’t” you snapped, taking a step back, shaking your head. “You should go.” The words tumbled out before you could stop them. You saw the confusion flicker across his face, followed by a hint of worry.

“What’s going on?” Sylus asked, his voice low, probing, as he stepped forward instead of retreating like you’d demanded. “Why are you pushing me away?” He didn’t raise his voice but the way he said it made your heart clench. He wasn’t one to back down easily, especially not when something was wrong and you knew he could see something was wrong.

“I’m busy, Sylus” you tried to deflect, feeling the walls you were putting up starting to crack. You wanted him to leave but you didn’t. It was confusing, suffocating. You couldn’t handle this. You couldn’t handle him here, with that bag of temptation, ready to ruin everything. You felt so guilty for snapping at him but how could you explain? How could you tell him he was going to make you fat if he kept bringing over food like this?

Sylus’s eyes narrowed just slightly, but his voice remained calm. “Busy with what?” He glanced behind you, then back at your face, studying you, searching for something you weren’t ready to admit. “You haven’t been answering my calls. Now you want me to leave?”

You bit your lip, hating how cornered you felt. The panic was rising again, faster this time, swirling with guilt and anger and all you could think about was how out of control you felt. How could he not see that?

“Just go” you whispered, your voice breaking. The words felt heavy, like they cost you something just to say them. You couldn’t meet his gaze, not with the way he was looking at you, with those dark eyes that always seemed to see more than you wanted to show.

There was a long pause, the air thick with tension. Sylus didn’t move. He didn’t just leave, as much as you’d wanted him to. Instead, he stood there, quiet, and you could feel the weight of his presence pressing in on you. It was suffocating and yet… part of you didn’t want him to go.

After a beat, Sylus sighed, and for a moment, the tension in his expression softened. “You don’t have to talk to me right now” he said slowly, choosing his words carefully, his voice softer than before. “But I’m not leaving because you’re pushing me away.”

That made your chest tighten with guilt and you cursed yourself internally. He wasn’t mad but he was concerned, and that made it worse. You didn’t know how to explain. How could you tell him that the sight of that bag in his hand sent you into a spiral of panic, of guilt? That the one thing you feared more than anything was losing control?

“I just… I need space” you said quietly, though the words felt like a lie. You didn’t know what you needed. Sylus watched you for a long moment and finally, he nodded. But before he turned to leave, he set the bag of sweets down on the table by the door.

“If you need me, you know where to find me” he said, his voice steady, though there was something softer in his tone and with that, he walked away, leaving you standing there with the heavy guilt hanging in the air. The bag of candies felt like a cruel reminder of how out of control you felt and though you told him to go, part of you hated that he actually left.

The week of fasting had left you feeling like you were floating through the days, your body running on empty, but your mind clinging to the small sense of control. It wasn’t easy—drinking only tea and coffee, trying to keep that gnawing hunger at bay—but the numbers on the scale kept going down. You were making progress, right?

Today, though, something felt different. The familiar lightheadedness from the fasting had turned into a fog that clouded your thoughts, making everything feel distant. You stared at the zero-sugar creamer you’d added to your coffee earlier, the bitter taste still lingering on your tongue. You told yourself it was fine—it didn’t count. But your stomach churned and the guilt sat heavy inside you.

After ignoring Sylus for a week, you finally sent him a message, apologizing for how you’d acted. You couldn’t let him think you were pulling away because you didn’t care, even though the truth was far more complicated. You needed your space to stick to your plan, to make progress without any distractions. Sylus… he was becoming a distraction.

You agreed to meet him at the arcade, something that felt like a safe, neutral ground. You pulled on a baggy sweater, the oversized fabric hiding the changes your body had gone through over the past week. As you walked toward the meeting spot, the cold autumn air bit at your skin, though it felt like the cold had already been inside you for days.

When you finally spotted Sylus standing by the entrance, his demeanor shifted the moment his eyes landed on you. At first, he didn’t say anything—he rarely did unless he had something important to say—but the tension in his jaw, the way his eyes flickered with something deeper than concern, told you everything you needed to know. Sylus was observant, annoyingly so and you knew he had picked up on the way your skin had lost its color, how your steps seemed a little slower, more deliberate.

“Hey sy” you said, forcing a smile as you approached. Your voice sounded distant, even to you, like it had lost some of its energy. Sylus didn’t smile back, his gaze lingering on your face a little too long, as if searching for something.

“You alright kitten?” he asked, his tone casual, but the undercurrent of worry was unmistakable.

“Yeah, just a little tired” you lied, brushing it off as you led the way inside. You didn’t want to have this conversation. Not here. Not now.

The arcade was loud, full of flashing lights and the constant beeping of games, but even that felt distant through the fog in your brain. Normally, this place was your comfort zone. The claw machine was where you shined and it was always fun to show off in front of Sylus. But today, everything felt off.

You approached the claw machine, the one you usually conquered with ease but your hands felt shaky, your movements slow. Your brain struggled to focus as you pressed the buttons and you missed the toy by a wide margin. You clenched your jaw, frustration bubbling up, but it wasn’t just at the machine—it was at yourself.

“Damn, you’re usually a pro at this” Sylus teased lightly, though there was something off about the way he said it. His eyes hadn’t left you, watching your movements too closely, like he could see through you.

“Guess I’m just off my game today” you muttered, trying to force a laugh, but it sounded hollow.

You tried again, guiding the claw toward another prize, but your hands felt disconnected, like you were moving through water. The world tilted slightly as you leaned closer to the machine and you had to blink several times to steady yourself. Sylus was still watching, his body language casual but his eyes sharp. He could tell something was wrong—he always could.

As the claw dropped and missed the prize again, you felt your frustration spike. You were normally so good at this. Why did everything feel so hard today? You could feel Sylus’s gaze on you, and it made you uneasy. He wasn’t one to pry but you knew he was reading every sign, every small movement.

“You’ve been quiet” he said after a beat, his voice calm but probing. He leaned against the machine next to you, crossing his arms. “Something going on?”

You bit your lip, your brain too foggy to come up with an excuse but you couldn’t tell him the truth either. Not about the fasting. Not about why you looked like this. He wouldn’t understand.

“I’m just tired, Sylus” you said again, more forcefully this time, though it came out weaker than you intended. “That’s all.”

His brow furrowed slightly, his gaze lingering on your face before trailing down to your hands, which were trembling ever so slightly. He didn’t say anything but you could feel the tension between you growing heavier by the second.

You fumbled with the claw machine again, missing the prize for a third time. The frustration built inside you, but it was more than just the game. It was everything. The pressure, the guilt, the fear of losing control. It all felt like it was crashing down on you and Sylus standing there, watching, only made it worse.

Without a word, Sylus reached out, gently taking the control stick from your hands. You blinked in surprise as he smoothly guided the claw toward a prize, his movements precise, controlled. He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, a small, almost imperceptible softening in his expression.

“Let me help” he said quietly, his voice low, but there was something in his tone—something that told you he wasn’t just talking about the game.

You didn’t protest as the claw machine successfully grabbed a stuffed animal. Sylus handed it to you without a word, his fingers brushing yours for a moment and though you could tell he was trying to keep things light, you could feel the weight of his concern in that small gesture.

Your chest tightened as you looked down at the plush toy in your hands, guilt swirling inside you. You couldn’t hide it forever. Not from him. But for now, you just let the moment hang in the air, trying to hold on to the small flicker of control you had left.

As you and Sylus walked through the noisy arcade, the flashing lights and sounds started to fade into the background. You barely noticed when he steered you toward the bar area, where the bright signs advertised an assortment of sugary treats, slushies, and milkshakes. Normally, you’d have been overwhelmed with excuses, telling him you’d already eaten or that you weren’t hungry, but today… everything just felt so heavy.

Your head swam as you tried to focus, to muster up the energy to protest but your body had other plans. The edges of your vision blurred, and the last thing you remembered was the floor rushing up to meet you before everything went black.

The next time you opened your eyes, you weren’t at the arcade. A bright, sterile light flooded your senses, the sharp scent of antiseptic filling your lungs as you tried to take in your surroundings. You were in a hospital room, lying in a stiff bed with an IV attached to your arm. You blinked, disoriented, your brain sluggishly trying to piece together how you got here.

Then, you saw him.

Sylus sat in a chair by your bedside, his arms crossed, his face clouded with something you couldn’t quite place—worry, maybe? You’d never seen him like this before, his usual cool composure replaced by a tense stillness that made the room feel even colder than it already was.

For a while, he didn’t say anything. The silence between you stretched out, thick and uncomfortable, as you struggled to focus on his expression. Finally, after what felt like forever, he spoke, his voice low, serious in a way you hadn’t heard before.

“The doctors said you’re underweight” he began, his tone careful but firm. “They think you haven’t eaten in days, kitten.”

You felt your stomach twist as his words sank in but your mind was still too foggy, too tired to fully process it. You shifted under the scratchy hospital gown, trying to find something to say, anything to brush off the severity of the situation. It was easier to avoid, to deflect, to act like none of this mattered.

“I’m fine” you mumbled, your voice hoarse and weak. “It’s not a big deal. I was just tired.”

Sylus’s jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing slightly as he leaned forward, his arms still crossed. He wasn’t buying it. You could feel the shift in his demeanor—this wasn’t just concern anymore. This was frustration, mixed with something deeper.

“Kitten, don’t do that” he said, his voice sharper than usual. “Don’t pretend this isn’t serious. You passed out. In front of me. You’re not ‘fine.’ ”

You looked away, unable to meet his intense gaze. Your heart raced, the familiar panic rising in your chest as you tried to push the conversation away but Sylus wasn’t letting it go. He wasn’t his usual teasing, playful self. This time, he was more assertive, his voice carrying an edge you weren’t used to.

“I’m just… not hungry” you lied, your voice barely above a whisper. “It’s nothing. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” His tone was firm but there was a softness behind it—an unspoken plea for you to open up, to let him in. But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t. He wouldn’t get it. He didn’t have to worry about his body like you did. He didn’t have to restrict, to starve, to be worthy of love.

“You don’t have to diet every second of your life just to be loved” you said a bit more louder than intended, your voice rising with frustration. The words came out before you could stop them and you could see the impact they had on him immediately. His expression darkened but it wasn’t anger—it was something else, something more vulnerable.

His lips parted, his eyes flashing with a mix of emotions before he spoke. “Sweetie, if you keep going like this… you’re going to die.”

The words hung heavy in the air, cutting through the tension like a blade. You felt your chest tighten, your throat constricting as you tried to swallow the lump that had formed there. You knew he was right, deep down, but the thought of stopping, of losing control, terrified you.

“And if I die skinny and beautiful, it’ll be a worthy death” you shot back, your voice shaking with defiance. The moment the words left your mouth, you wished you could take them back. But they hung between you, raw and unfiltered.

Sylus’s eyes widened, his expression shifting from frustration to something deeper—shock, anger, but most of all, sadness. He stared at you, his face softening in a way you had never seen before, the weight of your words hitting him like a punch to the gut.

You hadn’t meant to hurt him. You hadn’t meant to push him away. But the look on his face… it broke something inside of you.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you saw the pain etched across his features, the way his normally composed demeanor had crumbled. He didn’t say anything, just looked at you, his brows drawn together in a mix of anger and heartbreak and for the first time, you saw how deeply he cared—how much he was trying to hold it together, for your sake.

Your lip trembled as you tried to blink away the tears, but they spilled over, hot and fast. “I… I didn’t mean…”

He stood up, moving to sit beside you on the hospital bed, his hand reaching out to cup your cheek gently, his thumb brushing away the tears. His touch was tender, careful, as if you were fragile. And in that moment, you realized how broken you really felt.

“I’m not letting you do this to yourself” he said softly, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Not anymore, kitten. You’re not alone in this. I’m not going to lose you.”

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: how to promote self-love going forward

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: message from your secret admirer

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

you might settle for less because you likely get caught up in the drama and find it fun/addicting in the moment. you pursue goals/ideas with focus, but often lack the confidence to back it up. or you wait too long for others before moving on.

i believe love has taught you that you should never settle too quickly. it is best to date multiple people before starting an exclusive relationship. don't get overwhelmed by relationship drama because it will consume you and ruin your day (but only temporarily because nothing is forever - so why stress?). you know now not to let others stick their nose in your relationships - too many opinions will taint your feelings. the biggest lesson is that you learned to cut off anything that interferes with your desires.

i feel like you are jealous maybe a lot of people around you are coupled and you are alone. be cautious because you don't know when you might ruin your relationships with others just because you feel unhappy with your situation. stop worrying about being judged or how often you are rejected - it doesn't matter you are going to find someone in due time (you are worthy). you are loving, nurturing, and protective.

you can nurture yourself by getting out there. you have been alone and isolated for too long - so get out there. stop refusing to look within for what you truly want. ask for support to get what your truly desire, especially in the social sense.

what i feel you need to hear is that you have a strong energy - you are gifted with the ability to receive what you need most from the universe. don't rush or force things - what is meant for you, will find you. you are passionate, creative, magnetic, and attractive. you are also nurturing and dependable. you are one of the most supportive person in most people's life. you have many things - you attract the world and its gifts to you. you don't settle for less - when something is missing you go looking for it. you follow your heart and instincts; you make room for new things to bring joy/happiness.

pile two

i feel like you struggle with maintaining balance in a connection and that might just be the source of why you settle for less. you get too invested in a connection and then you loose track of who are and what you want and need most in a connection. you often find yourself prioritizing the other person over yourself.

love has taught you that things can change very radically/unexpectedly and cause you to question everything. you have learned that you have to let go of certain aspects in your love life, so that you can make space for new things and even new people can better help you grow and thrive.

i feel like you are sad presently or are in the process of recovering from some sort of emotional pain/disappointment. sorrow doesn't last forever. you are very capable of healing - new experiences await you. not all new experiences are destined for heartbreak - have faith.

you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to succeed in love and be the perfect partner/person. perfect is impossible - so be generous with yourself because right now you are only burning yourself out. to nurture your wellbeing, you should stop judging your productiveness and stop comparing yourself to others - delete social media and take sometime off where you don't have to do anything at all (no doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, etc.). do what brings you joy and say "no" to everything else.

i feel like you need to hear that you are a patient person who realizes that change doesn't happen overnight. you celebrate the small wins with small cute things (for example, maybe you survived a hard week and you get yourself a cupcake). things are getting better so just acknowledge that they are. you can recognize when things have been blown out of proportion or things are being exaggerate for dramatic effect - you are human bullshit detector which is a rare find. even rarer still you have the ability to find a resolution to any argument. you are presently working on not letting other people's expectations of you throw you off of your path. you can make your own path and you know it. you trust that you are capable of standing independently of others, and you are capable of anything.

pile three

i don't feel like you are the type to settle for less than you are worth - i get the feeling that you are slightly cocky about your situation. you might need to practice being humble in a connection because you can come off as judgy or as though you have a superior attitude. alternatively, you might find yourself in connections with people who are very controlling and you might not recognize that you are in that type of connection until it is too late. it is not your fault that you might have settled for less than your worth in the past - you just found yourself in the wrong place and the wrong time and experienced a toxic relationship.

i feel as though you learned that a partner doesn't need to be flashing or exciting instead they need to be stable, grounded, and trustworthy. you have had the flashy connections in the past and it was not the best. you need something more sensual than passionate. something that grows slowly over time so that it lasts.

your intuition is never wrong about the people with interest in you, so learn to trust yourself. you are very emotionally intelligent, so trust that you have the answers you seek about any connection. trust your gut instead of overthinking and overanalyzing.

cultivate your intuitive powers, so you can manifest your dreams into reality. to nurture yourself i sense that you should reconnect with nature and recharge with the the power of the sun. you should also focus on healing any and all blockages that concern your self-esteem/self-worth.

you might need to hear that you are nurturing and dependable. you are one of the most supportive person other's life. you have many things - you attract the world and it's gifts to you. you realize that things can change very radically/unexpectedly and cause you to question everything. you have learned that you have to let go of certain aspects in your love life so that you can make space for new things and even new people who can help you grow and thrive. you know that heartbreak is temporary and that time heals all wounds. you can heal and grow as soon as you believe that you are worthy and that no one wishes to hurt you or your heart. it's okay to be hurt but you have to release that pain instead of bottling it up so you can recover.

[writing-blog-iguess]

Online matchup 11

Summery: Jason said he was going to be out of town, but that doesn’t stop Red Hood from checking in once in a while. But there are more pressing matters Y/n is dealing with, and Y/n has live with what they learned and they’re not sure how to handle it.

Warning: fluff I think, swearing, reader is having a crisis anyways. So is Jason.

A/N: I’m trying to get my rhythm back after everything went to shit, so I am starting with a new chapter of this. Hope you like it, it’s the only thing I finished before everything happened with my mother-in-law. And don’t worry, I still plan on posting the other ficus I promised, I’m just trying not to overwhelm myself. Also, this was 100% inspired the new arc of Batman: Wayne Family Adventures on webtoon

Ao3

Master list

Taglist: @teapartydreams @adorabluesposts

——————

March 14

Roy

So

How goes it with Jason?

Y/n

Why?

Why do you have the need to keep my number?

Roy

Because one day we will meet, and we will have to be friends

Y/n

Because of Jason?

Roy

Because of Jason

But this way, we can get ahead of the game

And I don’t have to pretend to like you for I will already like you when that day comes

Y/n

You’re so weird

Roy

Yeah but aren’t we all a little weird in our own way?

Y/n

I guess

Roy

So?

Answer my question

Y/n

So demanding

Just ask Jason

He is your friend

Roy

Yeah, but he doesn’t like talking about personal things while working

Y/n

So you’re going to get information from me?

What makes you think I’ll answer?

Roy

I could always ask Conner

Y/n

Why would he know about my relationship?

Roy

He’s dating your sister

And he is friends with with Tim

Y/n

Damn

You’re right

Roy

Always am

Y/n

Mm, I don’t think so

But things with Jason is good

We’ve aired out our worries and continue to see each other regularly

Roy

Good

Y/n

Why’d that feel threatening?

Y/n

Your friend Roy is something else

Jason

What?

When the fuck did you meet Roy?

Y/n

Um

Technically I haven’t physically met him

But Conner made a group chat the other week and he was in it?

And now he has taken to texting me

It’s wild

Jason

This was not how I wanted the two of you to meet

Y/n

It is what it is

My mom always said I needed more friends

Jason

I doubt this is how she wanted that to happen

Y/n

It is what it is

Don’t be too mad

Jason

I’m not

You guys were bound to meet eventually

Just not like this

Y/n

Yeah but that’s okay

I kind of like Roy

Though sometimes it feels like he’s threatening me when he talks

But other then that he’s okay

Jason

Nice to know that you have other options in the dating world if this doesn’t work out

Y/n

Okay I wouldn’t go that far

He’s nice and all

But I’m not the type of person to go after my ex’s best friend

Jason

I’m just saying

Y/n

So am I

Jason

I mean, there’s always Red Hood you could go after

Y/n

I have many regrets

And telling you my crush on him is the biggest one

Jason

I think it’s cute

Y/n

I think it’s unattainable

Jason

Mm

Maybe, maybe not

Y/n

What’s that suppose to mean?

Jason

Nothing you need to worry about

Y/n

Okay, well now I’m worried

Jason

Mm, well that’s to bad

On an unrelated note,

I might be a little distant for a bit

Got stuff I need to work on

So our dinner date has to be on pause till I get back.

Y/n

We had a dinner date?

Jason

I love how that’s your takeaway from that

Y/n

Well I mean

I feel like that’s something I would remember

Jason

...

I didn’t ask you, did I?

Y/n

That seems to be the case

Jason

Well, I guess I’ll have to ask you when I get back

Y/n

What?

Booo

**

There’s a thump outside your window that has you looking up from your book. You freeze, waiting for something to happen. When nothing happens, you go back to your book.

Before you can focus on the words, you hear something from beyond your window. Head snapping to it, you narrow your eyes as if you could see through it.

When the sounds kept coming, so did your curiosity. Sighing, you set the book down and pushed your blankets as you got off the bed to investigate.

Drawing the curtains open, you come face to face with someone you thought you'd never see again. You blinked a few times to see if you were seeing things. But you weren't and it was Red Hood that sat on your fire escape.

Opening your window, you leaned out to see what he was doing better. He wasn't injured but he was heaving. Like he was running from something.

"Come here often?" you asked once your assessment was done. You watched in amusement as he jumped slightly, hand hovering over his holster as he turned around

“Why are you awake so late at night?" he asked instead. You shrugged and rested your chin on your hand.

"Wasn't tired," you answered, eyes straying down to the streets below when you heard shouts. "So, I thought you usually fight thugs. You don't seem to be the hiding type."

Red Hood shrugged and relaxed, leaning back on the wall. "Don't really feel like fighting tonight. Figured Batman can have this one.”

"I thought you hated him," you said, surprised.

"Love hate relationship I guess."

Silence fell as you watched the Gotham night bustle with life, enjoying the sounds. "You hungry or something?" you asked, and could see the hesitation when he realized that he'd have to remove the helmet. "I can turn my back if you’re more comfortable with that," you suggested. At his nod, you stood and beelined to the kitchen. Once the food was plated and warmed, you grabbed a water bottle and walked back.

"It isn't much, but at least it's something,” you said as you handed the food over. He granted and you turned around. Sitting on the floor back leaning against the window. You heard the click and hiss coming from behind. Though you were curious to see what his face looked like, you promised not to peak.

"So, do you feed everyone who stops on your fire escape or am I just special?" he asked around a mouthful of food. Your checks warmed and was very glad that he couldn't see.

"Only the ones I like,” you teased.

"That implies you have visitors," he pointed out.

"And if I do?”

"Then you should be worried." You snorted, hugging your knees to your chest.

"I'm on the sixth floor. I don't know who would come to my window.”

“Didn't stop me.”

"Guess you’re just special."

"So, should I be worried once your boyfriend gets home?" Red Hood asked when there was a lull in the conversation. You hummed and rested your chin on your knees

"I don't think so,” you answered, "I live alone."

"So no boyfriend? Or girlfriend?"

"No girlfriend," you confirmed, "I'm not sure if he's my boyfriend.”

Jason's heart leapt in his chest, and he rubbed his chest with nerves. "Sounds complicated."

"Not complicated,” you hummed, "I mean, I would like to call him my boyfriend but we've been talking and we've been on a couple of dates. But we haven't talked about what we are. Which is fine, I don't need a label to tell me how I feel about him."

"How do you feel about him?" he asked when you trailed off.

"I really really like him. And I trust him a lot too, and I could see myself falling in love with him. I just need to trust myself, you know? I'm just afraid to fuck it up with him. Like, I have his heart in my hands and I'm afraid l'Il break it. His been through so much and I don't want to be added on to list of how I fucked it up."

Jason's heart went out to you, and could understand where you were coming from. He is on the same boat as you.

"Sounds like this is a conversation you need to have with him," he said, voice a little rough. He cleared his throat and you nodded. "Not with some vigilante." You let out a wet laugh, and wiped your eyes when you realized you were crying.

“Yeah, guess you're right," you said. "Sorry for putting that all on you. You might have some relationship problems of your own."

"I wouldn't say that," he muttered, and you could hear movement from behind you. Once you heard the familiar click, you moved to sit on your knees and turned around, leaning your forearms on the window sill. "Thanks for the food.”

"Wasn't much but thanks for listening to a random cizitians worries.”

“It's what we do," he said, getting a genuine laugh from you and Jason smiled.

One of his favourite sounds and he'll never get tired of it. He gave you a two finger salute and ran down the stairs.

You stood up and watched as he disappeared. You bit your lip to keep from smiling and leaned out the window to grab the dishes. He was an interesting person, you had to admit

And if you meet him again well you wouldn't be opposed to that.

And meet him you did.

Three days later, you're in your room finishing some homework when you hear a thud outside your window. Setting your books aside, you crawl off your bed and towards your window. You opened your window with a smile. “One would think you're here to- holy shit! Are you okay?" you exclaimed when you saw his bleeding arm.

Red Hood looked up and you could feel the scowl behind his helmet. "Are you ever sleeping?"

"Do you ever not get hurt while being a hero?" you shot back. He bristled and nodded in satisfaction when he didn’t respond. “Are you okay though? That looks like it hurts.”

“Fine,” he grunted, “just a graze.”

“Just a graze,’ he says while bleeding,” you mocked, giving him a look. "You've been shot at, forgive me if I don't believe you.”

"Believe what you like. I don't care."

"Well someone's grumpy," you said and opened the way. “Come, let’s get that fixed before you bleed to death.”

“Are you always this sarcastic?" he asked, but didn't move. You stepped back and put your hands on your hips and raised an eyebrow.

"I don't bite," you answered, and quirked your lip. "Unless asked."

"I'll take that as a yes," he said with a laugh. Shaking his head, he ducked through the window with a groan. "You don't strike me as someone who invites people over,” he said, looking around the room as he followed you.

“I'm not, this is just repaying you for saving my life a couple of months ago." You gestured towards the chair as you went to the bathroom. "Have a seat. I'll be back.” After rummaging through your bathroom, you found the first aid kit and came back to find Red Hood sitting with his jacket off.

You pulled a chair closer to him, and set the kit down before opening it. "It’s going to sting a bit," you warned, and he only grunted. "Okay then," you said and started cleaning the bullet wound. "Good news, you don't need stitches."

"Bad news?" he asked and you startled, not expecting him to say anything.

"It might scar but I doubt it."

“What’s one more scar?” he questioned and you eyed him after you taped the gauze. “What?”

“Nothing,” you said, averting your gaze back to his arm. You rolled down his sleeve, only to give your hands something to do. “Hurt anywhere else?”

“Nah, that was the best of it,” he said and crossed his arms. “Are you a nurse or something?”

“Or something,” you answered. You’re unsure how you know, but you know that he’s giving you a flat look. “Engineer student,” you said with a little wave. “I happen to get injuries a lot, and instead of going to the doctors, I learned to treat myself properly. It’s come in handy a few times.”

“So you know how to do stitches?”

You shook your head and leaned back into the chair. “In theory, sure. But I’ve never had to do them. I’ve always gone to the doctors if I need them.”

“Guess I could be your practice dummy,” he mused and you leaned over slightly to poke his side.

“Don’t even think about it,” you said, poking him again. To which he slapped your hand away. “I’m not going to be responsible for scaring Red Hood even more.”

“I think if it came from you, I think I wouldn’t mind.”

Flushing, you turned away from him and sniffed. “Well regardless, this is a one time thing. Don’t expect it to happen again.”

Except it did.

Over the course of the week, Red Hood would come by unexpectedly. Whether to hide out from his partners, or in need of a nurse that he felt safe coming to you or simply to talk to someone.

And each night you sat in your room, waiting. It was never the same time but always early enough that you wouldn’t be going to sleep late. Despite your messed up sleep schedule, Red Hood was determined to fix it.

And every night, your feelings grew a little more. But you never acted on them, your heart belonged to Jason, even if you hadn’t realized it yet.

March 22

Y/n (10:20 am)

So you know that crush I have on red hood?

Ellie

The one that you squashed after falling for Jason?

Yes I remember

Y/n

It came back full force

I think I’m in love

Ellie

Y/n I swear

It’ll go away eventually

And how?

You’ve never met him

Y/n

I’ve met him twice

Ellie

The only time you’ll meet a hero or whatever is if one you’re a criminal or two you need help

And I doubt it’s the first one

Y/n

Hey!

I can be a criminal if I wanted too

Ellie

Yeah but your too nice and in love to be one

Y/n

Touché

Anyways, I’ve meet him and the second time we’ve talked

He’s nice

Ellie

You can not fall for people who are nice y/n

That’s how you get hurt

Y/n

What about Jason?

Ellie

I think he’s different

The both of you have been hurt too many times and you both know that

So you’re taking the time to get to know each othere

Y/n

When’d you get so wise?

Ellie

Someone had to when you moved out

Y/n

Listen here you little shit

Ellie

I’m listening

Y/n

Asshole

Ellie

You know what would be funny?

If Jason turned out to be Red Hood

Ha! You fell for the same dude twice

Y/n

Why would you say that?

ELLIE

WHY

WHY

WOULD

YOU

SAY

THAT

Ellie

It’s a JOKE

Y/n

IT'S NOT A VERY FUNNY ONE

IT'S LIKE SAYING CONNER IS SUPERBOY

Conner (1:30 pm)

WHY WOULD YOU TELL ELLIE IM SUPERBOY

Y/n

It was a JOKE

It’s not like you actually are

Conner

…

Y/n

ARE YOU ACTUALLY

Conner

NO

Y/n

Holy shit

It was suppose to be a joke

Conner

NOT A REALLY FUNNY ONE

Y/N

You don’t say

Conner

Why’d you even say it anyways?

Y/n

She started it

Telling me that Jason could be red hood

And that I fell for him twice

Which is insane

Conner

Absolutely insane

Doesn’t have a reason to be him anyways

I mean RH is mean and not really a hero, you know?

Who shoots at people and almost kills them?

That's not Jason at all

Jason’s sweet and caring and the total opposite of RH

Y/n

…

I’m telling Jason you think he’s sweet and caring

Conner

I can see why he likes you

You’re both the same

Y/n

Sweet and caring?

Conner

Go away

Y/n

Nah

Your dating my sister

Your stuck with me forever

Conner

Or until we break up

Y/n

True

But then you'll die :)

Conner

somehow, that smiley face makes it worst

Y/n

:)

You hated your sister. Like sure, you love her and any given time you wouldn't mind talking to her. But at this moment while you were pacing your room. You really hated your sister.

You know what would be funny? . If Jason turned out to be Red Hood. Ha! You fell for the same dude twice.

You couldn't stop thinking about her words, and your curiosity ran too deep for you to leave it alone. You opened your laptop ready to go snooping on Batman's computer but you stopped yourself and started pacing.

"If Jason wanted me to know, he’d tell me, right?" you asked out loud. "But then again, he wouldn't tell me because he isn't Red Hood." Turning, you walked back, hands moving in front of you.

"But then again, if he was him then he had good reasons for not telling me." Turn, walk. "But if it is him, does that mean the whole family's a hero family?" you questioned and groaned. "Oh! That would make sense. All those nights helping his brothers with something.”

Turn, walk. “It would be so embarrassing if he was. All the things I said to Red Hood about Jason. And vide versa,” you said in realization. You stopped walking and covered your face with your hands. “The conversation I should have had with Jason instead of Red Hood. Plus I told him I had a crush on Red Hood! Oh no!

“And if he is actually Red Hood, it would be an invasion of privacy if I look into it.”

You stared at your laptop as you chewed your lip in thought. "Fuck it," you said, and dived onto the bed. Moving your laptop to your lap, you began typing away praying that Batman doesn't notice your presence.

Once entering the back door you created, you began your search. It didn't take long to find what you were looking for and you spent the next twenty minutes reading everything Batman had on Red Hood

You closed your computer and fell back onto your bed, covered your face with your hands in defeat. Why? Why couldn't you leave well enough alone? Why did you have to let your curiosity run wild? And why did you have to listen to your sister? Questions you didn't know the answers to, and none were important. There was only one that needed an answer.

What are you going to do now that you know the truth?

You couldn't talk to anyone about it, and the one person you could, doesn’t know that you know.

Sitting back down, you opened your laptop with the intention of getting rid of the backdoor to Batman's computer. Just as you were deleting it, something caught your attention.

Still not knowing better, you followed it and covered your mouth in shock.

The Joker was out, and he was on the hunt.

Y/n (2:23 am)

I hope your doing okay

[azurlily]

Hi, can I get what dating Azula would include? Please

Well hii!! Sure, I got you!

Dating Azula Would Include:

Azula isn't...the nicest. She's kind in the way that she loves you, but also wouldn't hesitate to laugh at your mistakes.

Azula, to say the least, is a good lover. As long as you get over being a massive bitch sometimes. She'll laugh or snicker at some servant or pedestrian doing something stupid.

Dating Azula means being friends with Mai and Ty lee. You have no choice. Once the two girls learn about you, it's all over, this is your life now. You have no choice.

Dating Azula means you get recognized a lot, meaning people see and know who you are. Just one glance at you, and you're recognized by everyone around you.

Dating Azula means you get kisses at the randomest times of the day. You two could be walking around and she'll pin you to a wall and pull you into a deep kiss. She then prances off, acting like she didn't just kiss your lips off.

Azula is only affectionate in private or around people she trusts. She allows Mai and Ty lee to see her kissing, touching, loving you.

Azula doesn't share. By no means are you allowed near ANYONE she would consider competition. Mai and Ty lee are on that list too. She has no issues keeping you away from anyone she doesn't like.

Azula has a hard time expressing her love, with the life she has lived it's understanding. She more than likely buys you things, things she deemes worthy of your touch. So you see a dress or a peice of jewelry you like? Just ask.

Azula tries her hardest not to be a bitch when your feeling down. Dating her means you see the vulnerable side of her, she knows you'll show that side of yourself too. In her eyes seeing the real you, it's a pleasure and a bit overwhelming.

Azula gets her red lipstick all over your face when she kisses you. Make out sessions are very evident to those who pass by you. All they see are red smudges and an even redder face. Too bad she enjoys seeing you all quiet and flustered.

As your girlfriend, Azula takes care of many things for you. She knows that being in a relationship with her is hard, so she takes the workload off you. This is one of the many ways she says 'I love you' without actually saying it.

She doesn't care if her father approves of you. It doesn't matter, I mean at first it did. Now though, now she'll do anything you say. If you say it nice enough.

Azula will take you everywhere with her. She's paranoid that you might get hurt without her. So, the obvious option is to bring you with. She's so smart.

As your girlfriend, she doesn't get a little control happy. She decides who gets to give you attention, she decides what you eat, everything. Although that's just her paranoia and control complex. Dont worry, after about 5 to 6 months of dating, that's stops.

While she hates people wanting you, she loves to show you off. Oh? There's a big important banquet coming up? You're coming with.

"You look amazing, it doesn't matter what they think so hurry up. I know what I said- shut up!"

You more than likely make fun of her. For what? For her getting embarrassed by the fact that you're holding hands in public. She might not seem it, but trust me, once you two are in private. That bright blush comes out of her cheeks.

Azula gets angry when you think bad about yourself. If you're good enough for her, you are 10 times better than anyone else. That is just a fact.(in her eyes)

"Am I supposed to care? I don't care that you think your fat, you're better than any man or woman. The fact that I love you, is more than enough proof."

Aggressively loving. She gives you everything aggressively. Her love, her anger, her joy and happiness, her lust. Everything is aggressive. Thata how it should be though.(wink wink)

If you two were to ever break up, it's more than likely because of her status or controlling nature. She feels the need to prove she loves you, even if it's a bit crazy sometimes.

She'd be mad about the breakup, she'd do anything to get you back. I mean anything, she'd give you the world. Azula is more than definitely scared of losing you, not like she'll admit it.

Azula will yell, scream, fight. She'll do anything except admit she's afraid of losing you.

If you two get back together, she's even worse. Not for long though, especially if you already had a very long term relationship. She'll feel weak for letting you almost leave. She's angry, but at the same time afraid. Azula takes measures to make sure you never leave her again.

She is loving person...just ask Ty lee and Mai.

Hoped yall likes this. I'm finally getting back into writing!! I'm going to be doing as many requests as possible. I more than likely wont finish any of the yandere month challenges on time. So I'll do them when I want to and I'm getting back on requests. Have a good day/night yall!!

[istoleyoursk1n]

I’m honestly so devastated that there’s no chat option for companions when you break your oath as a Paladin. Could you please do one where the boys react to Tav paladin being devastated because they broke their oath in a lapse of judgement.

•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•

How would the boys react to a Paladin Tav being devastated for breaking their oath

.

.

: ̗̀➛ ASTARION

“Sweet darling, don’t cry now, I wasn't aware breaking an oath was this serious. Gods, you’d think swearing a bloody oath would at least come with a manual. Curse whoever decided your judgment was false.”

He can’t lie, he would have definitely found it amusing if not plain funny at first as he doesn't quite understand how serious breaking one oath truly is.

Would have congratulated you for it until he realized how devastated you truly were.

He can’t quite comprehend why something as “silly” as an oath meant this much to you but he tries to be as sympathetic as he possibly can.

He can’t understand the weight that comes with a paladin oath but he sure as hell would be pissed off for you.

He’d go on an aggressive tangent on how you should've been given another chance! I mean why didn't they give you a set of rules or make the restrictions of said oath more clear?

Reassures you that you made the right choice anyway and whoever was in charge of managing your oaths should think again.

(He truly does know what he's talking about but he's trying to defend you anyway. Give the man some credit lmao.)

Reminds you that breaking the oath did give you new powers so there's that! Perhaps they're even better than your old powers. You lost but you also gained! And if you wish to continue playing hero as a paladin, he’d strive to be by your side.

Do as you wish, just know that he's there if you ever need a distresser.

: ̗̀➛ WYLL

“Hells… a broken oath is one not to be taken lightly, I can only imagine what must be going through your head at this moment. Oath or not, you are as admirable and strong as ever. Do not allow this one mistake to keep you from standing tall, this shall not define you.”

Can completely understand your devastation. He's encountered many paladins before who take their oath to heart.

Reassures you that you only tried to make the right decision, one mistake shouldn't be the thing that ends all your ambitions and morals as a paladin.

Would be the shoulder you could cry on just in case the utter sadness of it all is enough to overwhelm you to the point where you may need to shed a tear or two.

What happened to you is unfortunate, to say the least, but he’ll be there when you need someone to help you continue on to the right path.

Having a broken oath never made him see you as anything less than the incredible and fearsome individual he had come to know and he’d defend you if anyone were to say otherwise.

He’d love to make another little heartfelt oath in replacement of your old one, an oath that wouldn't have any painful consequences as the one you withheld before.

The new oath wouldn't have to be anything serious, it's more of a way to distract you from your previous devastation and make new pleasant memories from the old.

Together, you’ll both navigate your messy little journey together, blade and heart in hand with an array of future fanatical stories to share as the days pass on.

: ̗̀➛ GALE

“I know how much that oath of yours must have meant to you… I’m sorry that you of all people must live on with such a burden but if it all gets too much, know that I am here to share it with you. You are more than you’re oath, I hope that one day you realize this yourself.”

He was practically as devasted as you when your oath broke. His eyes immediately shot back to you the moment the deed was done, an instant pang to his chest knowing how much this would shatter you.

Even so, he was there to quickly come to pick up the pieces, he would never allow you to break apart like this.

He would be that instant reassurance that whatever it is you’re going through, you wouldn't have to face it alone. The burden shall not be yours alone to carry.

He knows that a paladin oath is something one usually follows and operates by for life so seeing you this lost was utterly heart breaking for him.

He too knew what it was like to feel this lost, unaware of what your true purpose would be, he knew that feeling all too well and he’d do just about anything to help you out of it.

He’d reassure you that you’ll be able to continue on, that your oath wasn't everything that you are, and that you shouldn't feel ashamed of it all.

If anything, this gives you the opportunity to forge your own path without the looming dread of having to stick by a lifelong oath. A path he would be more than happy to tread by your side.

: ̗̀➛ HALSIN

“You’re oath may have broken but I will ensure that your heart remains intact, for life may take from you but I will do everything that I can to give back. For all that you are and will become, I will make it my personal oath to be there for you through the painful dark.”

He’s knowledgeable enough to understand the consequences of breaking a paladin oath, one that he never wished to see given to you.

As much as he wishes there was a way to reverse it or earn such an oath back, he knows and so do you that there's only tomorrow to look forward to.

Never once shames you for the decision you made that led to this, especially deters you from shaming yourself. You don't deserve to treat yourself so lowly after everything you've done.

He’s there to ensure that throughout all the remorse and pain that stirs within you throughout the whole process, he’d be there to give his unyielding support.

He’d take you out to see pretty flowers if you wish for a distraction, perhaps a peaceful stroll out in the woods or a visit to a magnificent waterfall?

He’s aware of the amount of reflecting and lamenting you’d be doing so if you need to find a place to isolate or think without the extra worry of upcoming enemies and missions, he knows just the spot.

There hasn't been a moment since then where he wasn't by your side, motivating and encouraging you to continue being the strong, inspirational, and incredible person that you are.

As broken as you feel you are, he's right there to give you the love that you truly deserve, to fill in the cracks of the loss. He’ll work tirelessly to make you feel whole again.

•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•

[bigboysfalldeep]

life guard - posession

I always wanted to be someone else, and this became reality when I met my now-mentor Jake. We met in high school, and that was when he taught me how to let go of my body, leave it, and move through the air. Light as a feather, I can move freely, and most importantly, I can look for another, better body. For over 2 years now, Ive been taking over many different men, some for a month, some for just a couple of days or hours, always looking for the next ride.

I am minding my own business when I enter a public swimming pool. There are so many potential bodies: hot guys, thick guys, pretty guys. All of them are suitable candidates. But do not come close to the lifeguard. if I ever saw one. His hair was messy on purpose, his muscles were oily, and his red shorts flattered his perfect ass. He sits there, on guard, while I hover next to him, my face inches away from his.

What a beautiful man he is. I feel myself growing tenser with every second going by, and all of me wants to take him, wear him, and be him. I place a hand softly against his chest, feeling his beating heart. I could take him right here, but it tends to take a few minutes, and I don't want him to get hurt. So I wait patiently. Wait for him to go somewhere more secluded. Just then, another lifeguard enters the swimming area: a girl waving. My man smiles and waves back. "Veronica. Youre early." He says his voice is so smooth, deep, and soothing. I would have creamed my pants right here; luckily, as a ghost-like figure, my dick gets hard, but I won't expose myself. They exchange a quick talk until he leaves her, heading to the locker room. I follow him closely and enter the room behind him. He walks towards a huge mirror, admiring himself, his muscles, his face, and all that. I make sure no one is in here before I take the first step.

I approach him from behind, placing both of my hands on his shoulders. This time, he can feel something as a quick shiver runs down his spine. I can see his eyes looking above his shoulder through the mirror, but he can't see me. One hand firmly at his shoulder, I run the other down, following his spine, as if unzipping a costume, a suit. His whole body gets stiffer and more rigid as he lets out a soft, low groan.

I keep eye contact with him through the mirror, and as he closes his eyes for just a second, his mind is already getting a little overwhelmed. Good. He's a suitable pick. Some people are way too resilient, yet he seems willing and open for me. Now comes the fun part. Slowly, carefully, I move inside him. I am sliding inside his body, arms first, as if putting on a coat. It feels so good and sensational.

I hold back a deep moan, but he lets go for a second before catching himself when a grunt escapes his lips. My fingers barely reach his fingertips, and that's a problem. He's bigger than me, so I have two options. Enlarge myself or let his skin approach me. As I think, he starts to stroke his chest with both hands, firmly and lovingly. He doesn't know what's happening yet; all he feels are waves of pure pleasure running through his arms, and I feel the same. Instinctively, I tell my form to grow bigger, and surely, but slowly, I get bulkier. His arms grow larger with his biceps, and all of his muscles bulge heavily.

He opens his mouth, letting out a breathless moan. So hot. I get more and more excited, and with a huge smirk, I step inside him, my legs instantly adjusting to his form. Again, I feel his muscles react to me invading his space as they grow hard, bulging harshly. "What....s...happening tooo...me..er." He stutters and grabs his erect cock through his shorts. Part of me is already moving him as my fingers wrap around his hard cock. It feels good to have his huge cock twitching in my hand.

With a hard thrust, I move my hips into his, like fucking his virgin hole. His body thrusts as well, and I need to steady him against the cold wall right next to the mirror. His dick pulsates now quickly, just like his heart is racing so fast. It's always a risk to take over someone's body; it's a lot of pain and pleasure, and not everyone can handle it. However, his well-trained, well-formed body should be able to keep up.

He closes his eyes, and his head sinks as well. Desperately trying to regain his composure, he is fighting back. This, however, is my game, and I'm going to take him. Now it's going to get hard. Slowly, I move my head into his as I feel his mind and his thoughts intertwine with mine. He's scared, confused, yet aroused and excited. I can tell he's into this, perhaps on another level, but he doesn't even flinch. Slowly but steadily, I take over his body. At first, I started to move my hands, stroking my firm chest, my hard nipples, and my toned abs. "What are you?" He thinks, aware of my presence. But I'm not here for a chat. I take a firm stand and feel his legs obey me instantly. "Soo goood." We moan in unison, his voice being my voice. It cracks slightly, yet it is still so smooth.

He enjoys this as much as I do, even begging for more. I assume he isn't fully aware of what I'm up to, but I will make him enjoy this. I rub my hand against his throbbing cock firmly and teasingly, and we moan again and again as it starts to leak, staining our briefs. "Fuuuuck." Fantastic. We start to grind against our hands, the whole body tensing more and more. Our hearts accelerate, our muscles grow even bigger, and our pulsating cock is now imprinting through our tight shorts.

As my mind starts to overlay his, I can feel him panicking. "Whatt?" He says, one hand steadying ourselves against the wall, the other now tightly around our cock. That's the most amazing feeling. His mind becomes mine, and his thoughts slowly disappear as he grows weaker. We start to drool heavily, our eyes unfocused and partly rolled back into our skulls.

Swaying slightly, I take more and more control of him and of my new body. His fingers, hands, and arms become mine. His muscles nearly tear apart as they adjust to me even more. I grow bigger, and his skin now covers my form perfectly. His chest, stomach, and thighs adjust quickly as well, and as I start to thrust again, my hand jerks him off quickly and firmly. His legs are now mine, and I stop swaying instantly. As all of him adjusted to me, I let out a long, deep groan. The first time I came as him right into the wet briefs and shorts. One load after another, I let go of him, his mind already hidden deep inside my brain.

I open my eyes, seeing my new, beautiful body in my reflection. Smirking, I take a step closer, one hand still at my wet crotch, the other now tracing my firm jawline. "Good one. I must admit." I use his beautiful voice and enjoy his light stubble tickling my fingertips. Running a hand through his hair, I move the other up and down his cock again, which is the best feeling. I start to stroke myself, my chest, and my stomach again while touching my wet dick through the shorts. "This will be fun." I growl and slip out of my pants. Now naked, I inspect his body some more—his large cock, big thighs, and the hairy treasure trail. My body shudders, making me giggle. I catch my gaze inside the mirror, and his eyes are now shining brightly, green, just like mine did. Licking my lips, I walk through the room towards his locker. Having access to his memories, I unlock them and get dressed. To cover my eyes for now, I put on sunglasses before returning to the pools and starting a new chapter in life.

[hatredmadeofgold]

So, Raiden has DID, right. This is a fact.

What do you think about his system? I know you write fanfic about him, do you think there are any other elaborated parts other than Raiden and The Ripper? (I'm not a fan of "evil murder alter," but I feel like naming would be pretty ambiguous. :)

Hey anon, I am sorry in advance but this answer is 2263 words long lmao Go sit back with a beverage of your choice (I recommend water) and enjoy the ride.

[Not sure if you’ve read my little attempt at an essay from July 2022 about him having DID (it’s here), but I do consider it outdated now and would love to update it (same as the one on him having ASPD) at some point when I got the energy for that.]

This is a fact made me laugh a bit, ngl.

I am not a fan of the “evil murderer alter” thing either (I watched Split once and while I give my kudos to the actor’s portrayal of various alters, the story itself sucks ass and I also found it boring as hell to be honest) — if anything, Raiden’s entire system consists of “evil murderer alters”, or none of such at all. We’re speaking about a character who admits to enjoying murder, and that wasn’t The Ripper speaking back then in MGS2 either — Raiden isn’t left in the dark of his violent nature, but he’s left in the dark about the details.

I don’t want to give too many spoilers for my fanfiction series @mgsr-sing-to-me away, since the story goes in-depth about my concept of his DID system, how it was created and what each alter roughly represents, but I’ll try to give you a quick rundown:

Something I think most MGS fans can all agree on is that Raiden in all three games in which he appears feels somewhat different, to the point of ‘inconsistency’ even, and this has created my interpretation and headcanon for him to have DID in the first place, and Raiden having suffered from amnesia is a well-known canon fact.

To me, however, it’s not MGR Raiden who feels strongly different in terms of personality — it’s MGS4 Raiden who feels like an inconsistency.

I consider the Raiden we see in MGS4 actually a different alter being in control of the body than the one who is in control during MGS2. During MGR, it feels like a mix of both of those alters but let me get to that later.

‘Jack the Ripper’ is an obvious alter, not an ‘alter ego’, and when I played MGR in Japanese, the cutscene after the Monsoon boss battle in which Raiden touches the wound on his abdomen made me realise — hold on, he suffered amnesia right there.

Something that I strongly dislike about the English Dub of MGR is that Quinton Flynn isn’t really good at the portrayal of Jack. Throughout the Japanese dub, however, Ken’yuu Horiuchi uses his voice to show the literal switching between at least three alters present in Raiden throughout the game. Unfortunately, this isn’t evident in the English dub much at all, aside from the Jack the Ripper Awakens cutscene.

For easier understanding’s sake, I will give those alters some nicknames (also to prevent spoilers for my fanfiction):

The Raiden of Denial, as we see him both in the first half of MGR and MGS2

The Raiden of Dissociality, as we see in the later half of MGR and on and off during MGS2 (especially during {optional} Codecs with Rose)

Jack the Ripper

The Raiden of Sorrow, as we see him during MGS4

I took these 4 observed alters from the canon as my pillars to roughly create my concept for his DID system, which boils down to an approximate number of 16 or more alters in total.

I say ’16 or more’ because Raiden has never received adequate therapy for his mental health issues during canon, and it’s hard to determine an exact number of alters in general due to the covert nature of the disorder.

I decided to keep the exact number ambiguous but clear and simple enough to not get overwhelmed because technically someone with such severe trauma as his could result in poly-fragmented DID (aka 100 or more alters), but that’s not even set in stone.

Let me get into the specifics a bit.

—

Raiden of Denial alters are parts of him that are, what the (flawed) model of structural dissociation would probably call “apparently normal parts” (short: ANP). I take this model with a grain of salt because DID isn’t as neatly structured as this model suggests (in my experience), but to keep it simple, these alters are less aware of the full extent of their traumas and are therefore ‘functional’ in everyday life as well as interpersonal relationships, however, they feel less ‘fleshed out’ or ‘mask-like’ in his case sometimes.

All Raiden of Denial alters tend to run away from their past, hence I label them with the word “denial”. All of these alters are adults, and the apparent Host alter {at the time}, present in the first half of MGS2 until the nanomachines suppressing a part of his memory (aka suppressing the majority of the system) are deactivated by Solidus Snake, is one of such.

—

Throughout MGR, we can see two alters intruding on each other’s consciousness with thoughts, feelings and memories. One of them is like the one we see in MGS2 and the prologue of MGR, one in denial. Then there’s one we see sometimes in MGS2 and more and more prominently during MGR, a dissocial one.

We see an indirect switch right at the beginning of Chapter 1, where a dissocial type takes over. This shift is also picked up by Kevin, mentioning Raiden’s callousness that Raiden does not respond to.

These two alters are in so much conflict with each other throughout the game that Jack the Ripper decides that he’s had enough of that shit from the other two because neither of them is capable of handling being consistently confronted with triggers and reminders of “who they all really are on the inside”, and shoves them both out of the frame and takes on full control.

This comes with strong amnesia about what happens during his takeover. It’s not total blackout amnesia, but rather that it feels like watching himself act in the third person perspective, and the memory feels like Raiden is watching a YouTube video on a bad internet connection in 360p resolution.

—

Now Jack the Ripper is a persecutor-type of alter — an alter that has a protective role for the system, however, a persecutor’s methods are causing harm to the system overall.

I don’t want to give too much away from my fic as I said, but I’ll give you the hint that Jack the Ripper that we see during MGR is both an adult and a child at the same time.

A child who is trying to protect himself by lashing out at everyone and everything around him. It is obvious given the context of what we are told from the games that Jack the Ripper was born from the horrible things he was forced to witness and forced to do himself when he was a child soldier in Liberia, hence his age-ambiguity. And even The Ripper is split into several variants, making The Ripper his own category of alters.

The variants of The Ripper handle various parts of the horrible things that he had to endure as a child soldier, and they vary in ‘age’ and what triggers them out but they all behave roughly the same.

Despite being different alters of the same category, unlike the other alters within the same category, Ripper variants all consider themselves to be one and the same, perhaps unable to understand the barriers between them as well as gaps in memory.

Also one part of these alters is a child alter who has none of these violent and hostile traits at all, but is still a part of this category. This alter is protected by the rest of The Ripper, and contains all of these emotions that he was not allowed to openly show to guarantee his survival back in Liberia, like fear, sorrow, and pain but also empathy.

There are multiple of these child alters in the system, but they are hard to distinguish without giving them names, some have memories of their trauma, and some are completely oblivious.

—

The Sorrow type of alters are what we exclusively see in MGS4 and are what I associate with self-hatred, recklessness, suicidal ideation (internal homicide), self-harm and substance abuse.  

Sorrow types are either adults or teenagers. They exclusively have a detailed awareness of Raiden’s addiction issues, which is another headcanon I have and is also listed in the content warnings for Sing to Me (ARC 2: Parasite Eve will handle this topic the most; and it may or may not be rather graphic, it depends on what I decide in the end what I will decide to publish).

—

Now I have listed 4 types of alters but I did not say anywhere that each category of them equates a set amount of alters to get to the number of 16 known alters in the system.

Because there’s another category to throw into the mix: Introjects.

So far, I have 4 introjects in mind that are part of Raiden’s system, but due to Sing to Me spoilers I cannot share them all.

Introjects are alters based on another person, be that a person in the system’s life, a celebrity they look up to, or even a fictional character. They exist in all DID systems in real life (and some sources confirm fiction-based introjects aka fictives since the 1980s) and their existence has a link to the psychology of child development.

One introject Raiden possesses is based on Solidus Snake/George Sears. Said alter is also a persecutor type and could be overlapping somewhat with the Ripper category, but is not a direct part of them. This persecutor introject of Solidus causes the entire system a major hit to their self-esteem, as he enacts the very same punishment onto the system, as the real Solidus Snake did on Raiden when he was a child soldier under his control, and also sabotages a lot of Raiden’s relationships by ‘protecting’ him from perceived threats that he sees in others.

—

Another I have in mind is perhaps based on Solid Snake/David and could have formed way before they’ve actually met. This makes sense because Raiden had gone through 2 years of VR training for the Big Shell mission, which put him into Snake’s role when he was on a solo infiltration mission on Shadow Moses Island in Alaska. This David introject is very loosely based on the actual person and is more of a fragment of what Raiden had been made to believe during those times. After their meeting, this introject might take the role of a ‘caretaker’ type of protector. Caretaker in this context must not be understood as to be something like a mother or father figure! However, this alter is counteracting the Solidus introject as well as the Ripper variants, by trying to get himself back on track.

—

Then there’s a fictive I feel like I can share about, and it’s the only female alter in the system: Ripley. And with that one I mean the actual Ellen Ripley from the first 4 movies of the Alien franchise.

Given that MGS2 mentions Raiden and Rose having met over arguing over King Kong, I came to think of what other types of fiction Raiden would enjoy and wrote myself a (still unfinished) list of movies and books.

The Alien franchise started in 1979 with the first movie, so it even matches timeline-wise that Raiden possibly saw those movies in his late teens, perhaps on TV or borrowed them from a local video rental store. Kaijū movies seem to be his thing, and although the Alien franchise is not considered one, it does overlap in some aspects of the genre.

Ripley as an alter might have formed when Raiden was moved into a foster family’s home, and to cope with his terrible nightmares that felt far too real, his psyche latched onto the fictional character to dissociate himself further from his past.

What I imagine is that he saw his nightmares, the flashbacks, and what he went through as something as undefeatable and unkillable as the xenomorph as described in the first movie, “the perfect survivor, without a conscience, guilt or remorse, nor moral code”.

Now Ripley was able to survive the xenomorph, and also kill it — by shooting it into space. Something that Raiden always wished to do with his past, just to erase it, as we learn in MGS2. At the time this alter takes its shape, he was maybe 15 or 16 years old. Ripley is also a protector, to protect the child in him additionally from pain. This alter then also takes a motherly role for the system inside Raiden’s Inner World, something that cannot be seen by an outsider.

—

The last introject I cannot say anything about it, since that one would give a too-harsh spoiler for my story plans with Sing to Me. I’d LOVE to talk about this alter and the absolute mindfuck he will create once he surfaces and interacts with other characters in the story, but my hands are tied. It sadly takes me so much time to work on the story due to the lack of energy I have overall, but it’s on my mind every single day. Even writing this answer took me two nights T_T

And considering that I’ve written over 2200 words to answer this ask already, I will make a cut here. Because honestly, I could write an entire book about Raiden (and Sam).

Which… I am actually doing, sort of, with my fic, due to its sheer estimated length of around 100 chapters for just the main story.

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

I was exactly halfway into my second pregnancy, and up until that point, we were so ecstatic to be expecting again — a baby we’d been praying for. We kept talking about and imagining the joy it would be to bring our new baby home to meet our 2-year-old daughter. But at my 20-week ultrasound, a day that is supposed to be full of excitement and awe, we received devastating news. Our baby, a second daughter, had many severe and insurmountable skeletal and organ issues. Fetal specialists told us that it was extremely unlikely she could survive because all her major organ systems had significant development issues. We were blindsided and heartbroken, and yet somehow clear-minded. We chose to do what we believed was best for our unborn daughter as well as for our family; because that is what you do as parents. And we saw the choice we ultimately made as an act of love for her. We respect and honor that other parents have chosen — and will continue to choose — the only other option our doctor suggested to us — to let the pregnancy take its natural course and provide specialist or palliative care as needed. And that is the point. Individuals and their families — no matter where they happen to live — must be able to make the best choice for them. They need to be free to choose their own act of love. I believe now more than ever that anyone’s reason for seeking an abortion is valid. Who are we to say it isn’t? What we didn’t know when we made our decision was that in addition to being so difficult emotionally, it would be made so much worse by the abortion bans recently enacted in Idaho. Because of these cruel laws, my Idaho doctors could not provide me with an abortion — something they could easily have done before Roe v. Wade was overturned — in my own community supported by family and friends. We had to spend the following days cold-calling countless clinics in nearby states where abortion is still legal, but found out that because of all the other new abortion bans in states across the country, many clinics had closed, most had no open appointments for several weeks, and still others considered my pregnancy, at 20 weeks, too far along for me to receive care. The thought of waiting out this pregnancy, possibly for weeks, or however long, while trying to get through the day working as a chiropractor and still being active and present for our toddler was more than I could handle. All I could think about was whether the daughter I was carrying was already suffering; my anxiety and sadness were overwhelming. We both felt hopeless and heartbroken until we reached a Seattle clinic with a last-minute cancellation. Although relieved, there was so much we had to do to get there in the haze of our grief. There were flights to make, hotels to book, a car to rent and medical care our health insurance would not cover because we were going out of state to access and receive it. One of the most tragic — and degrading — parts of our situation was knowing that people in my home state of Idaho believe this is acceptable, denying me bodily autonomy. We will always be grateful to the clinic and team in Seattle for offering us professional, compassionate care. I am a person of faith and for months after my abortion, I kept telling Brandon there had to be something positive that would come out of this experience. Several months later, I learned that the Center for Reproductive Rights was putting together a challenge to Idaho’s abortion laws, and I knew immediately that moving forward as a plaintiff in the case was something I had to do. I’m proud to be one of the many women and doctors challenging and broadening these laws. Physicians in Idaho must have greater discretion over when abortion exceptions are warranted, and the decision should be the patient’s in consultation with their doctors.

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

procrastinating on this paper by thinking about secret spontaneous sex with levi that results after months of built-up tension after being forced to live with each other. how unfortunate.

about how you absolutely irked each other to no end and how much your pride was wounded every time you had to ask levi for help when you got yourself in shakey situations—and how you couldn't stop yourself from going to his side when he needed your help, no matter how much you told yourself you hated him.

about how much you were worried when you heard that something had happened around him and he didn't show up for a shift at the cafe you were so used to going to, just to see levi in a context that wasn't the awkward environment you two found to produce while at home. although you told yourself this was a coincidence, how many times can the exact same coincidence occur?

about how you ran up to him and wrapped your arms around him in relief when you found out that he was okay and not hurt from whatever it was that happened. and how, before you could pull away after realizing that you had embraced the most annoying person in the world (to you), you planted your lips on his as your relief and compassion overwhelmed you. and how you were too heated in the moment to realize that levi had kissed you back.

about how you were both too dumb about your own feelings that you just awkwardly avoided each other and the topic of your stolen kiss entirely for the next few months.

about how those stolen kisses continued to happen. yet you continued to tell yourself that there was nothing more to it.

about how you were forced to share a tent when camping with some friends and you found that you only brought one sleeping bag. of course, levi had handed it to you, but you just threw it back at him, since you didn't want him to just be laying on the ground while you were rolled up comfortably in the sleeping bag. looks like sharing was the only option you had left.

about how the closer you got, the more the memories of your multitude of stolen kisses began to arise. soon, the only thing you could think of was the feeling of his lips pressed against yours and just how good it felt to have levi pressed up against you.

about how levi pulled you into a kiss after you began repeatedly apologizing for putting him into an awkward situation where you were constantly expressing your affection without knowing where to move onto after.

about how deeply levi kissed you as he began to crawl over you, gently pushing you down to the ground as your hands began to travel around him.

about you asking if having sex right now was really the best idea, considering the fact that you were traveling with friends, and that the thin walls of a tent hardly contained any sense of privacy.

about how levi simply muttered "i dont care anymore" underneath his breath as he continued to embrace you.

about how good he made you feel, that levi had to slap his hand over your mouth to muffle the sounds that were coming out of you. and about how euphoric he was making you feel after months of unresolved tension.

and about how awkward the remaining days of your trip would be as you struggled to figure out what the hell was going on between you two. and how difficult it is to hide that your night sharing a tent was more eventful than either of you had let on. about how you couldn't stop thinking of him and how his hands and body felt on you and how you couldn't wait to have levi on you again.

A/N: @chaotic-on-main inspired this as a scene for my fic but i got too excited and came out with this instead a;ldkfjadsf. am also supposed to be writing an actual paper but slowburn levi makes me too giddy i a;ldkfsj

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