#so my numbers are going to be slightly skewed

[followthebluebell]

Hi! Wanted to ask, is there any particular breed of cat in your shelter that tends to be adopted quickly? Are there cats that seem to be more difficult to adopt out?

Yeah, sphynxes tend to be adopted out super quick. I'm surprised we still have Peach and Finn--- I knew we'd have them for a while because we were treating Finn's FIP, but I didn't expect to STILL have them. We usually have a list of people looking for sphynxes, but all of the people on the list are only looking for ONE cat, not two.

So bonded pairs are more difficult to adopt out, unless they are tiny baby kittens.

tbh, a lot of pedigreed cats get adopted out relatively quickly due to the whole 'we have a list of people looking for this exact breed' thing. Like I've already got people asking about Persephone just because they want a bengal and don't mind working with her severe fears. I'm not complaining about that, exactly. Some part of me feels some kind of way about that but I try not to let it bother me too much.

Domestic shorthairs are the hardest to adopt out (medium haired cats are the most popular of the non-pedigreed cats; longhaired cats are slightly less popular but still pretty desirable). People are well aware that they can get a moggie anywhere. I can swear up and down that my moggies are special (because they are), but so is every cat. Can't really argue with that.

Cats that are a bit 'generic' don't get adopted as quickly. Short haired tabbies and solid blacks are the slowest to get adopted. People want something that looks more 'interesting'. I teach my 'less desirable' cats little tricks to make them more adoptable and it tends to work.

Cats with visible, but not super work intensive, disabilities get adopted pretty quickly. Cats with one eye or three legs are fairly popular. People always think 'ohh no one will want this one', but they're wrong. Everyone loves a nice disabled kitty, so a short-haired tabby with three legs or one eye will be adopted pretty quick.

Fully blind or deaf cats are less popular, but there's generally still a list of people looking for that. Blindness is more 'adoptable' than deafness.

Cats with invisible disabilities or medical needs are the slowest of all to be adopted. Like diabetes or something similar. If a cat has an ongoing medical need that could be expensive, that cat is going to be with us for a while.

[lisenberry]

I went to a fall festival a few weekends ago, and there was a midway with carnival games. One of them was a shooting game with an airsoft style automatic rifle and you have to shoot out the entire star on the target to get a prize.

It's horribly rigged of course. The gun doesn't shoot remotely straight, and the paper is too thick to shoot through with the number of rounds given.

All I can think of is cute carnival barker reader taunting Ghost that it's easy. Big strong man like him should have no problem. He looks like he knows his way around a firearm.

He pays his ten bucks and gives it a try. A valiant effort once he figures out the skewed trajectory, but when you pull in the target to check his work, there's just a sliver of red left in the corners.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, handsome. Just missed. Want to give it another go?" you ask cheekily. You've been working the same stall all week and no one has won yet. It's basically impossible. You heard a rumor that someone had won a few years ago, but like everything else about your job, it was all a part of the con.

You've made a killing off all the open carry patriots looking to impress their friends and their dates. If you knew anything, this biker guy in the skull printed neck gaiter wasn't going to give up until he was out of cash.

"What do I get if I win?" he asks lazily, but with a lurid challenge in his deep brown eyes. And a cocky timbre to his voice, in an accent not from anywhere you've ever been.

"Anything you see. I got the best prizes here." It's true. Other stalls have stuffed animals and fidget spinners. Yours has a playstation, a motorized bike, iphones.

"I'll hold you to it," he answers as he pulls another ten from his battered leather wallet. You swear there's a crackle of something electric as your hands graze in the transfer.

Another spark of awareness, akin to a rabbit trapped in a snare, when he lays a staying hold on your arm as you load a gun for him.

"Ah-ah, love. Same one." From the crinkle of his eyes, you think he might be smiling as he catches your slight of hand.

"Oh, right, my mistake," you drawl innocently and switch to the one he already used.

He may have a slightly better chance of winning with the rifle he practiced on, but you aren't worried. You figure you can get him for at least three more tries before he slinks off in defeat.

"Check it." He puts down the gun before he's even spent all of the allotted rounds. So fast, in fact, that you wonder if you lost track of time somehow studying his concentration.

The bulk of his shoulders and the taper of his waist in those tight jeans.

"You still have rounds left, don't you?" you laugh to cut the tension as his gaze bores holes into you eerily.

"Don't need 'em."

"Suit yourself," you shrug as you pull the rope to bring in the target.

There has to be some mistake. You examine the card front and back. No red lines of the star remain. A perfect cluster.

"Now about that prize..."

[actual-changeling]

if god did not want me to over-analyse a two second video clip she would not have given me video editing software, so welcome back to alex's unhinged meta corner with me, alex, as your host.

we're going off the deep end with this one.

let's have a look at a. well, you cannot really call it a scene at this point. more of a collection of frames - aziraphale's face right after crowley leaves but before the bell above the door rings. this has been on my list of metas to write anyway, but someone kindly pointed it out which gave me incentive to make this post.

now, my leading theory is that much like his mouth movement before saying "i forgive you", which looked and sounded a lot like the beginning of "i love you", aziraphale is mouthing a silent "don't". presumably, the complete sentence would have been "don't leave".

first things first, why do i think he would say it? well, if you look back at their breakup in the park in season one, aziraphale calls him back when he says he will leave.

"you can't leave, crowley, there isn't anywhere to go".

then, after the fucking mess that is "nothing lasts forever", aziraphale also calls out. "come back". it is also perfectly in line with his previous behaviour to try and keep crowley from leaving again. especially because he almost tells the metatron he will stay just a few minutes later.

some other important things to keep in mind: aziraphale is shaking and about to cry, and also probably still in shock. so his face is doing a number of things and any words he may or may not mouth are slightly skewed due to that.

the first few frames are him taking a breath, so far so good.

this is the part where it looks like he is about to say something and silently begins to mouth don't. if you pay very close attention to his lips, you can see that they get pushed forward just a little bit as one does when saying "do".

you can try it yourself to confirm, i certainly did several times while rewatching the same two seconds like an absolutely sane person.

the last few frames are him closing his mouth again and breaking off whatever he was going to say, but in my opinion, you can still see the ending of that "don't".

alex, you might ask, how do you know that's what he was trying to say? i don't, although i hope once the strike ends someone will ask michael sheen some much needed questions. however, i wouldn't be a scientist if i didn't have evidence to present nevertheless.

i compared two of the frames from above, one from the "do" part and one from the "nt" part with another instance of michael/aziraphale saying "don't" - "i don't think you understand what i'm offering you".

the mouth shape and the movement of his facial muscles looks very similar even taking the whole sobbing and crying business into account.

interestingly enough, once the bell does ring, signaling that crowley has left the store, he not only closes his mouth but also physically steps back even more. he almost says "don't leave", restrains himself by physically pulling back, and then inches even farther from the door.

that is also when his face shifts from completely openly heartbroken to angry/spiteful and heartbroken.

the camera angle changes a little bit but not enough to explain the discrepancy, so yes, he steps backward before turning away and touching his lips. that pillar is honestly a very helpful point of reference. also completely unrelated but the face he makes at the end cracks me up it is LITERALLY >:(

to summarize: someone get michael sheen on the fucking phone before i lose my mind. also you can pry this meta from my dead, cold hands, he almost said "don't leave" and i will die on this hill.

lastly, said two second clip at half speed if you want to have a look for yourself.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Carpe Noctem 8

Warnings: dark elements, noncon, age gap, gaslighting, manipulation, other dark elements. Proceed with caution. (short!reader)

Note:Please let me know what you think as it helps me a lot with ideas and I love interacting with you all.

Part of The Club AU

You leave the motel under a cloud of reluctance and relief. You have little to your name but your wallet, phone, and a few snacks. Hesitation keeps you stagnant behind the wheel, hovering over the address saved on your maps. This is it, hit start and accept your fate.

You put your phone on the passenger's seat as the automated voice directs you. You shift into gear and pull out. Disbelief fades to indifference. You don't have the energy to feel. 

You follow along, in autopilot, until the GPS announces your destination on the right. You slow down and look up at the large house. Of course. He's rich. Dirty rich.

You pull down the long lot and stop to the right side of the double garage door. You don't get out immediately, you lean back and close your eyes. You try to sort through your thoughts. It's not that big of a deal. Sleep here, go to work, find anywhere else to be during the day.

There's a rumble on the seat beside you and you snatch up your phone. You drag your thumb across the screen to answer, too late to change your mind. It's him. Of course it's him.

"Don't say a word, sweetheart," Lloyd looks down his nose at the lens, "I just need you to see this."

He switches cameras and you squint as he points it at a familiar wooden door. No. The brass numbers confirm his location; your home. Former home.

His hand knocks on the door as he shifts the phone in his hand.

"Lloyd! Stop. No, don't–"

"Fair warning, sunshine, I got you on mute, so if you're tryna change my mind, it won't work." He knocks again, pounding on the door.

As the door opens, Lloyd's fist flies from the edge and snaps Johnny's jaw. You watch the other man stagger and grip his cheek, only for a moment, before swinging back at his attacker. The picture skews as Lloyd dodges and his foot hits Johnny’s chest and sends him onto his ass.

"Think that's about even," Lloyd clucks as he enters your apartment and steps over Johnny.

He leads with the lens, giving you a glimpse of the front room as he inspects it. He finds his way into the bedroom and hums. He goes to the dresser, opening a drawer then shutting it as all he finds are Johnny's briefs. He slides out the next one and picks out a few neatly folded panties.

"You keep a nice place, sweetie pie," he remarks. "Boring…" he comments as he examines a pair of your cotton panties.

You want to cry. You want to just wilt away to nothing. Why is he doing this?

The camera blurs in a smear of colours suddenly and Lloyd grunts. You hear Johnny and a struggle. Banging, clattering, and clamoring. You hear them locked in contention, helpless as you're stuck staring at a wall.

Another growl and an unsettling thump. The phone lifts and Lloyd snorts as you get a glimpse of him, his nose slightly bloody. He puts the phone down and you hear the drawer snap shut.

"See ya soon, baby cakes," he says, slightly breathless, "make yourself cozy… don't miss me too much."

He taps the screen and the call ends. You gape at your phone and whimper as you slump forward. Shit. You're totally fucked and you have a feeling Lloyd knows exactly that.

You lock your phone and sigh. Well, no going back now.

You get out of the car and look around. It's a nice neigbourhood, a bit far from work but not terrible. God, you're really going to do this.

'High five, fuck, go on our way.'

His words reverberate. Does he really want that? From you? Surely you could just pay rent.

You head up the walk and pull up the passcode. You punch it into the keypad on the door and it beeps, a green light granting you access.

Inside, the entry is airy and bright. You pause to take it all in. You check your phone again. Maybe you should go to the apartment and make sure they're not killing each other. Or maybe you should let them. You might avoid a lot of trouble if you just stop trying so hard.

There's a table against the curved rail of the staircase. You near as you give a curious look to the basket on top. White with a bright pink ribbon snaked around the handle. Inside, you find various boxes, taking the first to cringe at the small bullet vibe through the plastic window of the packaging. 

The rest of the contents are similar; bottles of lube, stimulating salve, toys, clamps, and even a few panties without much fabric. Jesus. You leave the array of erotic aids but take the small envelope from in front of it. He knew. He knows you have no other option and he's entirely prepared.

Inside the card, ignoring the exterior image of a dildo and butt plug beneath a pun, you find script typed in Arial. 'Welcome to the sex shack. Make yourself at home. Yours is the room with the tie on the handle. Leave it on for when I get there.'

Gross. Not just him, you. There can be no doubt that his intent is just as shallow and sick as he is as a person. But you, you're not going to walk out and sleep in your car. Just like with Johnny, you will roll over and take it.

[kentoberry]

PICK UP THE PHONE ! — SATORU GOJO .

⭒— SUMMARY · your ex won't leave you alone! better do something about it. . .

⭒— CONTENT · fem reader, daddy kink, dumbification, slapping, breeding, exhibitionism, implied toxic ex, light name calling.

“more, more, more,” you chanted, melodic moans echoing bouncing off of your bedroom walls. 

gojo only smirked, continuing to tease your pulsing cunt by inserting only the tip of his cock and subsequently retreating, and repeating this motion as he watched any remaining sense disappear from your adorable, brainless expression. he liked watching you go dumb for him, so dumb that you would struggle to from a sentence. the only word that you needed to worry your pretty little head over was his name.

“more of what, princess? use your big girl words,” 

whimpers persisted as you tried your best to articulate yourself, to string some skewed semblance of a sentence together. 

“cock,” you whined, “‘lease fuck me proper, sato-”

a jarring slap landed over your cheeks, followed with a harsh warning from gojo reminding you “that’s not my name.”

your hips only bucked up as the stinging sensation in your cheek diffused into pleasure, increasing your need for a release. gojo's response was to push your hips down into your mattress, stilling your movements and jolting you away from his cock.

you whined like a doe-eyed puppy who had just been reprimanded, nothing but the feral need for an orgasm clouding your mind. 

“don’t make me punish you, princess,” gojo threatened once again, gripping your hip in a way that left a garden of red crescents in the wake of his blunt nails digging into your skin. “be good and i’ll make you cum all over my cock, darlin’. i‘ll even fill that sweet pussy with m’cum, yeah? you want that? does daddy’s pretty girl want her creamy little cunt bred?”

“mhm!” you nodded, “want to milk daddy’s cock ‘nd make a big mess f’him!”

gojo smiled; there was that attitude that he adored. his cute fucktoy, so ready to make him feel good, so ready to take what he wanted to give her. “that’s my girl,” he muttered, releasing his hold on you. 

he picked up one of your legs to better his access to your drooling cunt, realigning himself to ease his thick cock into your gooey walls. the pace that he set remained slow to begin with, yet each thrust wasn’t complete until gojo's whispy white happy trail grazed over your clit. he fucked you slowly and deeply, revelling in each filthy noise that fell from your lips. 

the atmosphere seemed loving, peaceful even. however, the buzzing of your phone on your bedside table proceeded to break the eternal bliss that the pair of you had created. initially, you both would have ignored it, letting it ring through without paying the device a second thought. however, the notifications persisted. gojo reached over to pick up your phone, his cock remaining nestled deep within you. 

as soon as he saw what was on the screen, you noticed the man’s caring demeanor be replaced by one of rage, despite his best attempts to mask his anger.

“who the fuck is this?” he spat, turning the phone so that you could read the messages for yourself. 

after blinking thrice, your eyes adjusted to the brightness of the screen, slightly slipping out of your cockdrunk state for a brief moment. multiple missed calls from an unknown number shone against the lock screen picture of you and gojo out on a date, along with a few texts that read: 

'baby, i miss you. please answer me.'

'i know i fucked up. just one more chance, i swear i’ll be better. '

'don’t block me again, please. i’m begging you.'

your heart dropped as soon as you realized who they were from, telling gojo “‘s my ex,” in a sheepish tone. “just ignore him, i’ll block it again later. . .”

“he still hasn’t left you alone?”

sure, you’d told gojo that he kept trying to contact you, even going as far as to purchase burner phones with the sole intentions of reaching out to you, begging you to take him back.

“it’s been three months, princess. maybe we need to look at getting a re-”

gojo was cut off by an incoming call, and before you could plead with him to simply decline and ignore it, he’d accepted it. 

“baby! i knew you’d come around eventually!” your ex's voice rang through the speakers, not having noticed that he was instead staring at your new boyfriend. though as soon as he did, his voice grew colder within a split second, sounding as though it came from a completely different man. “who the fuck are you? where is she?”

smugness corrupted gojo's angelic features, followed by a sly “do you really want to know?”

with a quick tap, the camera flipped, giving your ex the perfect view of your exposed body underneath him. 

“toru-!” you exclaimed, though were cut off by him continuing to thrust into your messy cunt, letting your ex watch as you writhed. 

“princess, what did i say? you know what to call me.” he threatened, fucking you as if there wasn’t anybody on the other end of the line. “the way you’re sucking me in makes me think my slutty girl likes being put on display, hmm? ‘s my little whore like being watched? answer me.”

“n-no!” you cried, despite wrapping your legs tighter around gojo's waist. the pace at which he set reduced you to nothing short of needy, and knowing that somebody (especially especially that asshole of an ex) was watching you get screwed to the point of incoherence only intensified those feelings. “jus’ feels good, daddy! don’ stop, please!” 

“pretty girl, don’t lie. you like this, right? like showing your pathetic ex how well daddy’s stuffing your tight cunt?”

gojo's deft thumb found your clit, tracing taut circles around the puffy nub as encouragement. he wouldn’t have hesitated to stop if you had showed any signs of discomfort, but by the way your poor pussy fluttered around him told him that your orgasm was already on the horizon. 

glittery tears pricked at your lashes; whether they were from embarrassment or pure pleasure you weren’t sure. “like it s‘much,” you slurred, “g’na cum, can i please cum? ‘m so close,”

“aww, what a cute thing you are, don’t you agree?” you could tell that gojo's question was directed towards your ex rather than yourself, his voice dripping in possessiveness.

you couldn’t hear what was said on the other end of the phone, for the lewd noises of gojo slamming his hips against your own were the primary sound that you noticed.

“c’mon, princess,” he urged, “show him how well you cum for me,”

gojo's pace continued, him bringing your phone down to capture the perfect shot of your sloppy cunt as you whined. with a few sporadic thrusts and circles of your clit, you came with a shout of his name. he remained on call as he released inside of you, ensuring that your ex could see how much of a mess he made of your pretty pussy whilst he continued to fuck you through your own high. 

before he could make a comment, gojo hung up the call, throwing your phone somewhere on the bed. you were too delirious to care, whining as he pulled out of you. 

“i don’t think he’ll bother you again,” gojo mused as he brought himself to lay next to you for a brief moment. you curled into his shoulder, snuggling against his bare chest as he placed a soft kiss to your forehead. “forget about him, you have me now.”

[judesmoonbeauty]

Moon Garden

Summary: She must’ve sensed how agitated he was because he felt her hand slowly grasp his. Interlocking their fingers she brought his hand to her lips for a kiss and then held it against her chest, not letting go of him.

This is Part 2. Please read Part 1 here. WC: 2,807 ┃Pronouns: She/Her ┃ SWF ┃Modern AU ┃Suggestive┃Fluff┃ Relationship Progression┃Suggestive Dividers: @/natimiles

She felt the sandy earth shift beneath her feet as Jude roughly guided her by hand from the car, the fabric of the blindfold started feeling itchy because she wanted to know where they were, but she was obedient and left it on. Using her other senses she tried to discern clues from the surrounding environment, but there were no other scents or sounds to provide the details she sought besides the fresh desert air at dusk time. Thinking back to their road trip into the city a few days ago and what led up to this moment, she was perplexed as to what Jude was up to……

After arriving to the hotel Jude had booked in order to freshen up for the business meeting, he had left her behind to sleep in the large suite since her body was still clearly exhausted from relentlessly pushing herself to stay awake. When she woke up she found that Jude had confiscated all of her electronic devices…..

“Don’t bother lookin’ for your shit ‘cuz it’s with me. Call concierge if ya need somethin ‘n drink up. Be back by two. Be ready.”

Sitting down on the bed she felt dejected because she made him worry about her again instead of helping him, and now she couldn’t even be of use to him at the meeting. Letting out a sigh she takes a sip of the water he left her, and almost spewed it out of her mouth the moment she realized it was already 1:30 pm. Jumping to her feet she ran to take a quick shower, and after a few moments she returned to the main room to dress, unaware that he had already returned. Looking at the large clock on the wall she sighed in relief that she still had about 10 minutes before he returned.

“Thought I told ya to be ready by two?”

“Ahh!” she screamed. Whipping around she found him in the recliner that was situated in the corner of the room with a black glossy bag sitting next to his feet.

“Jude?! Don’t do that! And I still have a few minutes…”

He walked over to her leaving the bag behind, staring at the water droplets gliding down her skin like glistening jewels on her body. She was so beautiful that he wanted to devour her then and there, but due to time constraints he refrained. Still, he wasn’t satisfied with just leaving her alone, so he decided to tease her a little. Backing her up against the wall with no where to turn, he propped one arm above her head and slowly dragged a single fingertip with his free hand against her exposed leg, provocatively slipping it just beneath the edge of her towel.

Staring into his eyes her body quivered as his finger slowly made it’s way up her outer thigh, and as he closed the distance between them, she caught a glimpse of his slightly exposed collar bone which tempted her to kiss it.

“…..”

His nose touched hers as he taunted her with the expectation of ravished by a kiss.

“My, my what a naughty princess. Look at ya, ready to be eaten. But I told ya to be ready by -”

Ding. “Not tonight.”

Jude was cut off by an alert from his watch and after he read the notification banner from the unknown number his face skewed into a scowl.

“Tch. Dammit…..waste of time.”

Jude withdrew from her now in a soured mood, and gathering the black glossy bag from the floor he left the suite.

“Hey, Jude! What the hell? What’s wrong?” She called after him. but he didn’t respond, so she quickly changed and ran downstairs to meet him at check out. What did he mean by that? Did the meeting go wrong because I wasn’t there to assist? Did the deal fall through?

However, those questions were soon replaced with another one as Jude hopped into the driver’s seat of the polished, black convertible they’d been driving around while overseas.

“Where’s Ellis?”

“Had him take a rental to run some errands. Get in.”

Jude wasn’t in the mood to answer questions and she didn’t want to add to his burden more than she already had, so she slid into the passenger’s seat and they sped out of the valet area to return to the desert house he was adamant they stayed at. Smoking cigarette after cigarette in disappointed silence, he clicked his tongue every now and then when he felt like he was reaching his wits end. She must’ve sensed how agitated he was because he felt her hand slowly grasp his. Interlocking their fingers she brought his hand to her lips for a kiss and then held it against her chest, not letting go of him.

Knowing it’s difficult for him to express himself or that he can find it troublesome to explain things, this was her way of telling him not to forget that she was there for him no matter what. Watching her look at the rocky landscape zooming past them, he rubbed her hand with his thumb to let her know that he got her message. Seeing her smile in response settled his nerves a bit, and they enjoyed the rest of the drive talking about the success of the business deal, and playing a ridiculous word game that he now hated with a passion.

However, even after they returned to the rental house, Jude refused to return her phone, watch and tablet as an extension of her punishment for overworking herself. In addition, she was not allowed to go for a drive or leave the immediate property, which only frustrated her when she noticed Ellis come and go several times a day at Jude’s orders.

“Ellis, do you need any help? I can go with-”

“No, thanks. Best stay here like Jude said.”

“What’s going on with him anyway?” Ellis’ face became dejected and she discerned that Jude had most likely forbade him to say anything. Knowing this was a bit below the belt, she told Ellis that it’d make her very happy if he told her what was going on. Ellis hesitated deeply before the desire of making her happy won out.

“Well, it wasn’t the right-”

“ELLIS!” Jude walked into the room and interrupted him before he could spill the truth.

“Shuddup ‘n send out the memo about our trade deal.”

“Right.” Ellis quickly left the two of them alone. Jude turned his attention to her and it was clear that he was still mood was on edge again. He tossed the black glossy bag he had with himself the other day in the hotel over to her.

“We’re leavin’. Ya got five minutes, princess.”

Turning his back on her he left to start the car. When she peered into the bag her pupils widened when she saw it contained an identical outfit to the one he was currently wearing - a black, loose-fitting, boyfriend-style shirt, and stone-colored shorts. She didn’t understand why he was so on edge or why she was to wear a matching outfit, but she quickly dressed and ran out to meet him in the car.

Once inside the car he tossed out a cigarette butt and pulled a long black sash out from his shirt pocket, “Turn ‘round.”

“……What?!”

Getting annoyed he spun her around tied the sash around her eyes without explanation.

“Wh- hey! I can’t see Jude.” He snickered at her as he started pulling out of the garage, “That’s the point, idiot.”

“I’m not an idiot! Where are we going?”

“Find out soon ‘nuff, won’t ya? What, ‘fraid I’m takin’ ya out to the desert to hack ya up and leave ya to the birds?”

“That’s- No, of course not!”

He could tell that he took his joke too far, so he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand and chuckled at her indignant cute face, “Then shuddup ‘n behave for me princess.”

His gentle touch put her at ease and a short time later they had reached their destination. She felt the sandy earth shift beneath her feet as Jude roughly guided her by hand from the car, the fabric of the blindfold started feeling itchy because she wanted to know where they were, but she was obedient and left it on. Using her other senses she tried to discern clues from the surrounding environment, but there were no other scents or sounds to provide the details she sought besides the fresh desert air at dusk time.

After a few minutes they stopped walking and Jude hesitated before he walked behind her and removed the blindfold revealing the most unexpected scene - it was a large open-aired glamping site. There was a huge bell tent that was fully furnished, a wooden outside shower, a hot tub and many other amenities. It was incredibly chic, and to find a place like this out in the middle of no where, she was stunned to silence. Jude watched her reaction closely for a moment before he grabbed her wrist and pulled her after him as they started walking towards the tent.

“That nutcase almost ruined months of plannin’. ”

“Ellis? But, why did you have to -”

Jude whipped around the back of the tent and quickly released her with a swing. She stumbled forward and was met with the most beautiful sight. There was a large bed in the middle of a patio that was surrounded by all manner of night-time botanical blooms, but the most unique of these were these plants she saw with elongated leaves and bulbous pods on them. There were dozens of them, some potted, some growing naturally from the surrounding ground, others towering high upon trellises.

“Queen of the Night.”

“What?” she turned to him and waited for further explanation. Jude took a breath while shoving his hands in his pocket to grab his cigarettes, his nerves were finally coming to the fore.

“They’re called ‘Queen of the Night’.”

“Oh, these?” She walked up to them and upon looking closer she noticed that some of them were starting to bloom.

“They only bloom once at night in the summer usually for only a few hours. All the flowers here are night blooms…..it’s a….moon garden.”

He watched her gentle touch the leaves of each plant like she was thanking it for it’s beauty, but she was the beautiful one. She was the heart the filled the rotted cavity in his chest.

“The business deal just so happened to coincide with the season they bloom, ‘n while I took brought ya on the trip for business…I wanted to show ya how I….”

He ruffled his hair as he took a few steps closer to her, he knew that she was listening, but didn’t face him because it would be easier for him to expel his feelings. Still, it was difficult.

“That’s why you wanted to stay out here? Because it’s closer to the moon garden?” she asked to help him explain more easily. As usual, she was quick to pick up on things.

“Owner of the house we’ve been crashin’ at owns this place ‘n they can only give us a window of a few hours when they bloom. If we stayed in the city, it’d be too big of a drive to make it out here in time, wouldn’t it?”

“So, that’s why you wanted me to be ready to leave at the hotel the other day….then that message you got on your phone was to let you know that they weren’t blooming that night?”

“That’s right, ‘n I kept ya on the property so ya didn’t drive around ‘n find this place.”

Little by little, the pieces fell into place, and she guessed he probably kept her phone and things so she would look up local tourist attractions. The pods slowly opened more and more gradually revealing white petals, the scent from the other flowering plants filled the air as she continued to look around.

“Why did you want me to see these so badly, Jude?”

Why? How can I even begin to answer that?

“Ya weren’t meant to live in the festerin’ shadows of Crown or in the darkness of my life….but ya willingly chose to live in ‘em. You’re not wicked, cruel or merciless, and yet under the claws of night, ya bloom like this flower….and still remain clean ‘n unblemished….I wanted to show ya what ya reminded me of….that’s the real reason…”

A full glowing moon shed it’s silvery blessing over the two of them and the rare blossoms of these flowers called Queen of the Night, finally graced them with their beauty. The light of the moon pranced among them and the ethereal garden seemed to glow just for him and her. Jude had gone silent, and so she turned around to find him in the middle of an awkward position that sort of looked like squatting. She stifled a chuckle and, “What are you doing?”

Scowling at her he straightened himself up, walked over to her and then smirked.

“Gotta good laugh, yeah?”

Falling onto the ground her jerked her down with him onto his lap like a demon dragging the angel he fell in love with into hell with him.

“Hey, there’s a perfectly good bed right th-”

“Shuddup.” He shifted her on his lap to face him and he pulled her head to his and rested against it. She walked into his life and messed him up, leaving behind pieces of her light in the dank mire that he was sinking into, something he’d been envious of other people having for a long while now. Many times she extended her hand to him and he rejected it, but finally he threw in the towel and grabbed hold of the tip of her angelic wings, welcoming her into his madness.

“Till your bone ‘n dust, you’re mine. So -”

He stared into her eyes an gently gripped her neck, running his thumb down the mid-line of her throat.

“……….ARGH….shit!”

She pecked his lips and smiled, “I love you, too.”

“That’s not what I’m tryna say.”

Not one to be defeated he yanked her even closer to him and glared, “I’m askin’ ya to marry me, dammit!”

The entire world was silent. She made no reply and just stared at him dumbfounded. He knew it was crazy, binding himself to her in a promise he’d never be able to keep, but he’s never going to give her up, not unless he’s dead. Still, her pause was making his anxiety spike. There’s no reason to refuse. She can’t. He wouldn’t allow it, but he still wanted her to accept him willingly. She was his relief and peace, and the only who could keep up with him. He didn’t want to live in a world that existed with out her now.

A single tear fell down her cheek and he immediately wiped it away, the same hands that shed so much blood was able to caress and comfort her gently.

“Hey, princess…-”

“Yes.”

“What?” Not sure he heard her correctly he stared in search for those words again. She licked her lips and swallowed before she replied again, this time more clearly than the first time.

“Jude….yes, I’ll marry you.”

Her tears didn’t stop, but they didn’t need to. These tears were exactly the kind he wanted to see pour from her. Relief and satisfaction cascaded over him. He'd been so tense while planning this, wasn't sure he'd get to show her this rare sight, nor even properly say what he wanted, but regardless he was going to ask her to marry him anyway. He pulled her into a tight hug, and after a few moments he placed a gorgeous ring on her finger.

A large, pear-shaped amethyst nestled between briar thorns and roses decorated her finger, it was the same shade as his eyes, and out of sheer joy, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Now she understood everything and just how much he loved her. Their tongues teased and tickled each other as their hunger for each other could no longer be abated. Crawling atop the bed with out detaching from each other, they stripped themselves bare of their matching outfits and poured into each other underneath clusters of stars that witnessed their love bloom in the darkness like the Queen of the Night.

Don’t worry lil’ bird. I’ll show you heaven before I plunge to hell.

@ichigostellaglynn @atelierquinn @mrslelouch

Please let me know if you'd like to be added to my tags list. ♡︎

[wovenstarlight]

How would you define how Yoohyun feels about Yerim? Since obviously his opinion of her has improved since they first met, but I don't know if he actually likes her

HMMM i don't know that Yoohyun is actually like physically capable of liking anyone besides Yoojin! i'm kidding but also only slightly. like if you remember what Irin says in chapter 287, it goes "AN INSANE PROPORTION OF YOOHYUN'S THOUGHTS ARE ABOUT YOU [YOOJIN] COMPARED TO THOUGHTS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE I PROMISE", so if you're including his feelings towards Yoojin as a comparison point, it's going to skew the chart to unreasonable levels, and it'd look like the answer is No, Yoohyun doesn't care about Yerim at all

HOWEVER. if you EXCLUDE Yoojin from the chart then Yerim actually ends up being one of the two people Yoohyun likes most! with the other being Peace. from 287, in Irin's words, 80% of Yoohyun's thoughts that aren't about Yoojin are instead about Yerim and Peace. of course, that's exclusively based on the fact that Yerim and Peace both also like Yoojin the most. Yoohyun cares about other people in proportion to how much they care about his hyung, single-minded little idiot that he is /affectionate.

BUT THAT ASIDE! i think he does care about Yerim in a couple different respects. one is that he trusts her in a way that's different from people like Seok Simyeong or Kim Sunghan—you'll notice that in chapter 239, he explicitly designates her (and Peace) as the first two people he actually recognizes as part of "his world", which is a position not even his closest guild members have enjoyed, despite him clearly trusting them to do their jobs well and look after Yoohyun himself to some degree. he trusts her to look after Yoojin, which is probably the deepest level of belief he can hold in someone other than his hyung. and for the same reason—that she cares above all for Yoojin and his happiness and his safety, and can back up that care with the ability to protect him—i do think he likes her!

Yoohyun also cares about Yerim's wellbeing (again, in relation to Yoojin! in that he knows Yoojin will be sad if Yerim isn't okay. this is something a lot of people who care about Yoojin are aware of and account for: that they can take care of him indirectly by looking after the other people he loves. you see it with Sung Hyunjae lending Yerim his flame-resistant coat in chapter 126, and Yoo Myeongwoo making sure Yoohyun has the best equipment in chapter 240, both for Yoojin's sake). she's not only important to Yoojin himself, from which Yoohyun derives some level of actual care, but also one of Yoohyun's guild members and technically part of his family, which adds a sense of duty and responsibility for her into the mix. remember when he blew Gakuto through a pillar because he called Yerim a bitch in chapter 215 with the whole That's My Guild Member You Motherfucker attitude... i thought that was pretty funny of him. and like. when Yoojin was straight up dead for a while there in 240, the only thing stopping Yoohyun from following him into death on the spot was the thought that he had to make sure Yerim (and Peace and the others) knew. so that they could actually grieve him instead of just never knowing what had happened to him. he cares about them!!! he does!!! it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack compared to his love for Yoojin but he does!!!!!

of course i do also think that Yoohyun finds her incredibly annoying. they're constantly squabbling, this isn't a far-fetched guess, they fight to the point that chopsticks somehow end up embedded in the dining room wall and yoojin has to scold them to quit it in chapter 171. yerim's constantly on the verge of calling him ugly. that one time early on in chapter 48 when she was like WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME and he trotted out a whole bullet point numbered list without missing a beat. i bet he still has a list now, just with different reasons on it. but like. that's just normal siblings innit. you care about each other a whole fucking lot but you would also sell them to satan for one corn chip or however that goes.

TL;DR: yoohyun likes her but he'd probably die before he said that in as many words. not out of unwillingness or anything, just because it wouldn't occur to him to. yerim knows without him needing to say it, after all.

(where's my evidence for that, you ask. well! spoiler excerpt from chapter 331 from Yerim's POV about how Yoohyun has acknowledged and accepted her below the cut)

However, she couldn’t help the presence of anxiety in her relationship with Han Yoojin. It was love that all but dropped out of the sky one day. The claim that it was because she was an S-rank Awakened person wasn’t enough. What was more, Han Yoojin was crowded with exceptional people at his side. Han Yoojin clearly cared for Bak Yerim, but it was difficult for Bak Yerim to think she was special to him. Couldn’t it be that what she’d suddenly gained might suddenly disappear? The one who quelled that anxiety she tried to ignore was none other than Han Yoohyun. Han Yoohyun had hated Bak Yerim. Because his hyung liked her. Han Yoohyun had accepted Bak Yerim. Because she liked his hyung. Han Yoohyun had acknowledged Bak Yerim. Because she had the ability to protect his hyung. It was a relationship entirely based on Han Yoojin, but if anything, Bak Yerim was relieved and happy because of that. This was Han Yoohyun, who Han Yoojin was everything to, who was beyond difficult when it came to things relating to him. That harsh guy had accepted Bak Yerim standing by his hyung’s side.

points at them. Yerim feels accepted and cared for by Yoohyun

[moldycantaloupe]

Mushy May Day 3

(Bonus Prompt 6) Coffee Shop Au

Pairing; SwissAlps

I've never worked as a barista so this is all based on my very general knowledge

Swiss was running incredibly late that day, it was nearly off brand for him. He can already hear the scoffs and complaints from his coworkers, but damn him he needed his coffee. 

Barging into the small shop, he sighed when he took note of the lack of people. He thanked whatever being and took large strides to the counter. He needed his coffee.

“Good morning, what can I-” the barista from behind the counter looked up from whatever he was doing, and the monotone look on his face swiftly changed into a soft smile and even softer eyes. “Hey, Swiss.”

“Hey, Mount man.” Swiss grinned up at the giant. He had his hair up in a low ponytail, glasses slightly skewed on his face. He looked angelic. “Slow morning?”

“Weirdly, yeah.” Mountain began moving at a practiced pace, twisting the portafilter off the machine and reaching for the ground coffee. “The usual?”

“Yes, sir.” Swiss leaned against the counter to watch him work, his elegant fingers always of interest to him. Once Mountain got the coffee situated in the small basket, he twisted it back onto the machine and set a small cup underneath it as it began to brew. 

“How’s the new project going?” Mountain asked, eyes still set into his working area. Swiss always found it so entrancing. 

“Uh,” he cleared his throat and frowned to himself, “yeah, good. I’m running late, though, so my client’s going to be mad.”

Mountain, not pausing his work, looked at Swiss over creased brows. “And… you thought stopping for coffee was the solution?”

Swiss laughed and shrugged. “I need my coffee.”

Mountain huffed out a laugh himself and poured the now done shot into a paper cup. “Right, coffee.”

Swiss clicked his tongue and folded his arms across his chest. “What do you mean by that, dirt boy?”

Mountain laughed again and put the lid onto the now finished coffee. “You know what I mean.”

Swiss gawked up at Mountain, taken aback just a bit. Just as quickly, he shut his mouth and tried to ignore the blush setting on his face. He sputtered his words and reached for his wallet.

Mountain’s smile grew into something devious and waved Swiss off. “Hey, on the house.”

Swiss looked up from his wallet, card already out, and frowned. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. But also,” Mountain looked around and reached for a pen and napkin, hunching over to carefully begin writing on it. Quickly, he handed it to Swiss, face ever so lightly tinted in red. “You’re so obvious. Just text me.”

Swiss looked down at the napkin and sure enough, a phone number. Mountain’s phone number. He took in a deep breath and stuffed it into his front pocket and reached for his coffee, his face getting hotter by the second. Mountain seemed amused at this point.

“Uh, yeah, sure man.” Swiss nodded towards the giant and grinned, “I’ll, um…”

Mountain raised an eyebrow as Swiss mulled over his thoughts. “You’ll… text me?” He asked, a hopeful lilt in his voice.

Swiss pointed towards him as he began backing out of the shop. “That. I’ll text you.” 

Before he could embarrass himself any further, he raced out of the shop, an amused and hopeful Mountain left behind. 

He got into his car and sighed, coffee warm in his hand. He took a sip and smiled against the rim of the cup. He definitely needed his coffee this morning.

[alittledizzy]

I absolutely agree with you on all points regarding the ask about Dan and Phil building an audience back, what's holding them back, etc. When they both started posting a little more regularly again after their coming out videos, and seemed to be hinting at trying to post content again, I was excited. However, I can't say I wasn't disappointed in Dystopia Daily. It's like Dan mentally cannot break free of 2016 internet humor, right down to even his snarking, depreciating humor about his audience being outdated. Phil has gotten much better about being himself on-camera, but you can tell he's still keeping it at arms-lengths. Which is fine, he's certainly entitled to create a healthy barrier, but watching the two of them in 2023 is like trying to straighten a slightly crooked picture but just not quite being able to get it right. Just...off. I think the tours were supposed to be their "grand finale" and now they just want to settle back into how things were before, but don't know how to do that without drawing from what they're comfortable with. Which they haven't done regularly since 2016, so that's their comfort zone. They want things to work within their comfort zone, but that might not happen.

"watching the two of them in 2023 is like trying to straighten a slightly crooked picture but just not quite being able to get it right"

this is the best description of them i've seen in recent history.

it's also something you can compare to other content creators that are still going; most have shifted content away from sit down stare at the camera videos into something softer and more blurred into their life. zoe and alfie vlog, louise vlogs, tyler streams on twitch. they're all still content creation but they've understood that the time for persona heavy youtube creating has come and gone.

i don't think dan and phil could, would, or should vlog. they wouldn't enjoy that. i don't even want phil to stop making sit down videos if he's that attached to the format! but they need to find what is their own middle ground between the rigid division of their pre-coming out selves and finding comfort with an audience. i think youtube for phil feels safe right now but i do not think it is on any level creative or challenging for him. i said something similar before, but watch even his 'questions i wouldn't normally answer' video and tell me he's pushing even a single boundary in it.

and if he is honestly happy with them having made their bank and likely being able to live on the interest from investments and residuals for the rest of their lives, more power to them. i'm here because i love them as people. i will never stop following them with passion and interest.

"I think the tours were supposed to be their "grand finale" and now they just want to settle back into how things were before"

i think this is correct and also where it gets even stickier because they are out of touch. with younger audiences and the content they want. with no video platforms and what does well there. i think they understand the audience they cultivated years ago very well, for better or worse, but that's not going to get them forward momentum.

i think a podcast would be a great way for them to safely do that. but i think their perception of how the audience would react to joint content is skewed too. phil gets numbers on meme tweets but nothing short of dan dropping an hour and a half 'here's a timeline of my relationship with phil' is going to pull ten million views so they've surpassed the era where they need to fear about making major headlines anywhere. they whethered that storm and i'm happy for them, i'm just not convinced they realize that. since obviously to a singular person any amount of direct attention is going to feel like a Lot.

[eldritchamy]

A question for Uneiverse (to give you an excuse to talk about it, only if you wanna. Since I also just really hearing about it). What's a detail about it that you really enjoy but haven't gotten a chance to use anywhere story related or otherwise just don't get to play with much (silly or serious)

This ask has been sitting in my inbox for over 5 months.

It's time.

And so, we begin with a question of my own.

What IS time?

We're off the map now. Come with me. Take my hand as we walk through the valley of the shadow of time. We're going to uncharted waters, and I'm going to put the fear of god into you. I'm going to make you ask yourself (and me) Amy, how the fuck does you brain WORK like that?

Let me tell you about time and fate, and about what it means to "predict" the future.

And you will begin to understand the scale of what lives within me, eternally gnawing at the inside of my skull, begging for release.

If I asked you to conceptualize time, what would you say? Is it the neat and rigid tick-tick-ticking of regular intervals on the clock? Is is the fluid, indivisible space between?

Is is all just an illusion conceived by the animal brain to account for the changing shape of the universe as one dimension passes through another, which our three-dimensional eyes are too flat to see all at once, and our souls have concocted for us a comforting lie, that we may pretend to know the universe in its whole, by knowing it piece by infinitesimal, grinding piece, seeing the pan-dimensional amalgam of existence as an endless, continuous sequence of cross-sections in a number of dimensions our meat-circuitry can pretend to process?

Time is shadows.

Imagine, if you will, a sphere.

You hold it up against the light. Suspend it in the air, perhaps, for simplicity's sake. And the sphere casts a shadow.

Is the shadow still a sphere?

Far more importantly, is it even a circle?

At even the tiniest fraction of an angle, the sphere casts a shadow that no longer perfectly represents a cross section of the sphere. It has ceased to perfectly capture the nature of the object that cast the shadow, even accounting for the wrong number of dimensions. It's skewed. You can never unskew it. The distortion is irreversible.

And the floor isn't flat.

The sphere casts a shadow at an angle at a surface that ranges in distance and direction from the object casting the shadow. Is the shadow still an oval? Has it become a shape you can't name?

But the shadow isn't cast upon a floor, even an uneven one.

What shape is the shadow of a sphere cast at an angle upon a field of grass blowing in the wind? By now there's no pretending you know the answer. And even if you could snapshot a single instant of a single shape, the very next instant that shape would change in the breeze as the grass shifts.

The world is not a field of grass upon the ground. The world is endless variation of leaves upon trees, forests upon mountains, birds in the sky, hunting for the bugs that crawl on the branches of the trees. Massive floating pools of water churning in the low atmosphere as humans decide whether that one looks like a mouse or a sheep. So many humans walking, their clothes flowing behind them as they talk, eat, buy goods, shed tiny particles of skin and hair into the wind, their breath adding chaos to that same wind and a hundred miles away a leaf turns slightly more to the left than if that human had said nothing.

What is the shadow of a sphere cast upon that world? Twisted by its unfathomable complexity of shapes and movement?

And now, to make things worse, imagine if that shadow were a tangible thing that you could pick up. That could cast its own shadow not on the floor but up against the wall.

And all of that is if the shadow is cast by a perfect sphere.

Imagine you are a being that can see the shape of time. Could you look at the echo of a shadow of a shadow of a reflection in a fun house mirror, and recreate what it once was?

Could you look at a crooked set of lines upon the wall and know the meaning of cause and consequence? Could you predict what consequences of which actions would lead to favorable outcomes when realization dawns on you that

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖕𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖘 𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖍, 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖎𝖙 𝖎𝖘 𝖘𝖔. 𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞. 𝖍𝖚𝖓𝖌𝖗𝖞.

Time is an ocean of possibility. Each possibility has consequences. Each consequence a sea of new possibilities. How can you hope to understand the shadow of a shadow of a shadow, and not only know what's coming, but how to stop it?

Nothing is fated. But I said something important that bears repeating. Time is an OCEAN. We'll come back to that.

Time MOVES, at least the way we perceive it. I don't like the phrase "everything happens for a reason." I prefer something of my own creation: for every effect, a cause. To achieve a desired effect - a desired outcome - you must change the circumstances of cause that lead to that effect. But there are limits to your influence.

The time to change the course of a river is when the river is still small. The longer that river runs its course, the deeper it shapes and erodes the ground around it. The larger and faster a river the harder it is to redirect it. It will go where it's going, and there's nothing you can do about it. There is an element of momentum that must be accounted for. An element of inevitability.

The path of one person's life, one set of choices available to them in one specific context, may feel perhaps like the current of a river, when you look back on it. But if different changes were made during its formation, it could have taken a completely different path. Ended in a completely different place. And influenced the formation of completely different paths in the future as a result.

But I'll say it again, and you'll know its significance now: time is an OCEAN. It is not a river, but an IMMENSE network of currents with no clearly defined borders, flowing with or against or around each other in an unimaginably complex churning of possibility and consequence and cause and effect. A shift in one current may brush up against another. The second current may shift with it, or crash violently into it, or ignore it entirely.

For every effect, a cause. But for every CAUSE, many POSSIBLE effects.

So time becomes a series of choices beyond number. Each choice leading to fathomless changes in the flow. As the earth turns, some currents flow inevitably in certain directions. If not here, then somewhere else. SOME CHANGES ARE INESCAPABLE.

The universe must be dynamic. If nothing changed, the universe would not need to exist at all. Change is the point. Variance is the point. Choice is the point. The universe exists to know itself, and it knows itself through change.

There is an endless sea of currents flowing in various ways with, beside, against, around each other. Some directions of flow are strongly influenced by the shape of the seafloor and the rotation of the earth. There are changes in the world that are virtually guaranteed to exist, whether because the nature of the universe has made them inevitable, or because changes long past have created the currents that are now too old and too deep to change.

Picture a river again. What happens when you throw a stick into it? The stick is swept up in the current and carried along the river.

Throw in more sticks. Same thing, right? You can make small changes without affecting the overall outcome. Within one large shadow of a sphere, the details of a hundred blades of grass whose shadows are lost within the larger shape.

Anchor a large stick to the riverbed so it can't get swept away. Now, it's just one stick. The water will flow around it. There are small ripples. Tiny changes in the river, micro-currents that will affect a localized area. But on the whole? The river still flows. You changed something. But you didn't change the course of the river.

Add stick after stick after stick until the river is obstructed completely, and the current is forced to change shape.

Which stick built the dam?

Which straw should the camel's back blame?

Back to the ocean. Can you dam the sea? Can you build that dam one stick at a time, by throwing sticks into separate currents, hoping the currents bring them where they need to be in time?

There are patterns borne out from the endless flow of possibility as the ocean of time churns. With all those ancient currents running together, what difference does the wake of a boat make on the shape of the waves? How many breaches from how many whales would it take to turn a current south instead of north?

What if you could make a bigger change? What if an avalanche altered the shape of the seafloor, so the rotation of the earth forces new waters to resist the old currents? So the inevitability of the dynamic universe drags forth a new set of possibilities?

There are a LOT of currents. They've been turning for a long, long time, ebbing and flowing with a billion tides and ten thousand quintillion waves. Choices can make new currents. BIG choices, with a lot of consequences, may even change existing ones.

But the ocean still has a geography to it. There are places where water is forced through the gaps between landmasses, or forced into the shallows, or freed to dive into the black beyond a continental shelf. There are places where, no matter how many changes you make, many currents are still guaranteed to meet.

There are fixed points in time.

What if one of those points is a whirlpool, threatening to swallow everything drawn into the place those currents meet?

What about a whirlpool on the scale of worlds and gods?

How do you keep from drowning?

How do you give yourself the best chance, not of AVOIDING the whirlpool of inevitability, but of entering it at the farthest possible edge, where the right momentum, the right decisions made in the moment you are caught in its gravity, may carry you through to the other side, so you still remain when time marches on?

Is it better to see things coming at all? Or is the ability to see time, to speak a language of the universe that no one else can speak, one of the greatest cosmic horrors you can imagine?

Imagine the burden of time on those who can see it.

Imagine the WEIGHT of being able to see those currents. Of knowing which threads of fate to pull. Of knowing which ripples to make, which waves to break, which currents to shift. Of knowing.

Imagine the complexity of figuring out WHICH changes to make. And the great leviathan of guilt left on your shoulders when the decisions you made - even in pursuit of the best possible outcome - bring harm to the ones you love most, the ones you're most desperate to protect.

Even if you're right.

Even if you played 17-dimensional chess with the wizard-addled corpse of god and knew, with certainty, that if a single problem you had a hand in creating had been resolved more neatly by even minutes, the sticks would not have fallen into place within the dam, and the entirety of creation could have been swallowed piece by piece by the horror you were trying to stop.

Imagine the horror. Imagine the responsibility. Imagine the unending, agonizing pain of the burden of Knowing.

Because what time is, most of all, is a nightmare.

And there's no waking up.

[tending-the-hearth]

The outsiders obc album: a review that is totally not biased or skewed due to the face that i’ve been listening to it nonstop since it came out two weeks ago

“Tulsa ‘67”

Goes insane over the first line of the song because it’s the same as the opening of the book

Since this song/story is being written after everything happens, ponyboy recognizing how hard his brothers work in the opening verse makes SO much sense

“That right there is my best friend in the whole world, johnny cade” idk what it is about this line but it just makes me so happy

But ponyboy pointing out that part of what makes a soc a soc is graduation parties actually makes me so sad because so many members of the gang ended up dropping out of school in order to work so of course they’d view graduating as a privilege they don’t have, and that plays so well into darry and pony’s last fight at the end of the show

“CAUSE WE’RE GREASERS” the silliest gang ever <3

It’s just such a good opening number, the beat and music is so entertaining

“Grease got a Hold”

JOSHUA BOONE YOU ARE THE DALLY EVER

Him constantly calling pony “little brother” is everything

The spelling section of the song is SO fun

“E is for effortless swagger” and soda uses ponyboy and johnny to hold himself up they’re his little brothers!!!

“Show us how it’s done, then, einstein!” soda and two-bit are best friends!!!!

Also daryl tofa absolutely killing it on the run of “you better run for your life”

You only really get this from seeing the song live, but darry keeps ponyboy away from the rest of the gang during his section of the song until he makes sure that ponyboy knows what being a greaser truly means, he is such a big brother

“I love you superman” ace ily ily ily kissing your cheeks

Again, not part of the soundtrack but the performance, but the moment where ponyboy gets the upper hand in his little play-fight with two-bit, and dally gets so excited and starts jumping up and down with the rest of the gang like they are siblings!!!

“Runs in the Family”

Darry loml i know you’re having an identity crisis but this song is such a vibe

“So i dropped out of school cause i had to earn a dollar” the little dance i do every time i hear this line

vibes to the song so i don’t have to deal with the emotions i get as a parentified older sibling identifying with this song far too closely

“Now i’m stuck between the role of a brother and a father” someone get this man a hug and some therapy PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU

I always love a little bit of an unreliable narrator, so the audience hearing this song and knowing how much darry is struggling, meanwhile ponyboy is SO sure and SO positive that darry truly doesn’t care about him is absolute perfection

“Great Expectations”

This song literally made me cry my eyes out the first time i listened to it, and then seeing the staging for it during the show??? 

But also ponyboy acknowledging that darry had a future, and how he had to sacrifice that after their parents died, and understanding his struggle

Honestly there aren’t words to describe my love for this song, it’s so beautiful and well-written, and brody’s voice is just so fantastic

“Friday at the Drive-In”

Again, the beat of this song is SO good!!!

emma pittman’s voice is everything to me

The instrumental for this song is “grease got a hold” i’m losing my mind!!!

This song is also just such a fun, easy-going song, that it works at feeling slightly out of place with how fun and lighthearted it is, especially knowing what’s going to happen soon

"I Could Talk to You All Night"

CUTIE PATOOTIE ALERT

I never have viewed cherry and ponyboy as having romantic interest in each other (maybe ponyboy with a little crush on her, but they become friends post-book events), and this song is just so perfect with showing why they connect with each other, because they understand each other

Have i mentioned how much i adore musical!cherry??? 

“And we talked so dang much i didn’t even catch the end” i love how perfect the accents are in this show, it’s really satisfying lmao 

Cherry being the first one who’s ever truly listened to ponyboy my heart hurts

“Runs in the Family (Reprise)”

AHHHH THIS SONG

There’s just so much tension, and soda trying to be the middle man like always while darry is singing??? Painful

But also this song does such a good job at showing that it’s not even been a full year since the curtis parents died, so the boys are still grieving and processing, so it makes sense that this is a fight that’s happening

But ugh the way that the song ends with the slap???? Curled up sobbing

“Far Away from Tulsa”

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH

I also really love how johnny joins in a little hesitantly, like he’s not sure if ponyboy wants him contributing, but then as soon as he starts he talks about having a little garden and reading stories

Now i’m thinking about post-book, the remaining outsiders gang turns the empty lot into a type of community garden in johnny and dally’s honor oh i’m going to be ill

“We’d be each other’s family, Pony, start this life anew” SOBBING MY EYES OUT JOHNNY KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT PONYBOY WANTS AND PONYBOY KNOWING WHAT JOHNNY WANTS THEY’RE THE PLATONIC SOULMATES EVER

God and then the song going into “great expectations” literal chills

“Run Run Brother”

Brody does Ponyboy’s panic SO perfectly you can feel his fear when he just keeps repeating “he stuck him in the back!”

Like he’s not freaking out about bob dying, he’s freaking out about the fact that johnny could get arrested

Mother hen Dally my beloved

“I hate to make you go” and “even though it kills me to say” those lines are everything, i love Dally just wanting to keep his little brothers close but knowing he needs to get them somewhere safe immediately

And the line “you’re a greaser now” getting repeated at the end???? I’m going insane, it doesn’t sound fun or happy anymore, it just sounds like a warning and almost like johnny and ponyboy are being taunted

“Justice for Tulsa”

Dally immediately calling out the cops for always going after the greasers and calling them his boys???? Obsessed with protective dally

Again, musical!cherry is everything to me, she doesn’t try to make excuses for what Bob did, she calls him and Randy out for drinking and ganging up on Ponyboy and Johnny, and calls Randy out for jumping Johnny the week before

Like in the book and movie she makes excuses and puts all the blame on johnny, but in the musical, even though she’s sad that bob’s dead, she understands why johnny did what he did, and doesn’t blame him for what happened

“Death’s at my Door”

Emotional damage

Jesus CHRIST the absolute slap in the face this song was during the show

Ponyboy blaming himself for everything??? Thinking he’s cursed because everyone he loves keeps dying or getting hurt??? Ouch???

But then johnny immediately jumping into reassure him and making sure ponyboy knows that he’s not alone??? They are the best friends ever???

I haven’t talked about how beautiful Sky’s voice is, if he doesn’t win a tony award i will riot

“The reason i’m living is you” SOBBING VIOLENTLY ON THE GROUND HEAVING AND HYPERVENTILATING

Johnny saying “i’ll never leave you alone” and it’s true even after he dies because he knows ponyboy will see him in the sunset that they always talked about and i’m going to go curl up in a corner for a little bit

“Throwing in the Towel”

Emotional damage part 2

Parentified older siblings how are we feeling about this song

Darry finally talking to his brother about how he’s feeling, and getting validation from Sodapop that what he’s been doing is being noticed and making a difference!!

But darry recognizing what Ponyboy can do and his potential and blaming himself for what happened and, like ponyboy, telling soda that he’d be better off without him

“I lost our brother and i lost my way” SOBBING VIOLENTLY ON THE GROUND PART 2

Darry is TWENTY in the books and never got a chance to truly mourn his parents it makes sense how much he struggles

Ponyboy joining in the song from the back of the set like it actually makes me want to bite something

Brent Comer how does it feel to understand darry like no one else <3333333

“Brother that’s what love is all about” JASON SCHHMIDT THE FACT THAT YOU WEREN’T NOMINATED FOR A TONY IS A CRIME

(they should have just nominated the entire cast for supporting or featured actor at this point tbh)

“Soda’s Letter”

Jason making me sob!!!!! 

“Ponyboy this house ain’t a home without you” this song just starts out punching you in the gut

Idk why but soda including “say hi to johnny for us” makes me emotional, like the curtis brothers love johnny as much as they love pony he is also their little brother!!!

Brent comer i will fight you for the end of this song

“Hoods turned Heroes”

DARYL AND JASON KILL THIS SONG ACTUALLY THEY’RE THE UNDERRATED DUO OF THIS SHOW

New hc because of this song is that Soda and Two-Bit are as close to each other as Pony and Johnny are

i love love love the "owe it all to Pony and Johnny" line, because they recognize what the two have been through, and also acknowledge that yeah, it's because of them that they're getting a little bit better of a reputation!

Also again, not part of the album, but the song is so hyped and excited and happy and then immediately gets cut by Dally walking onto the stage with Johnny wrapped in bandages and my heart BROKE

“Hopeless War”

Favorite change is cherry going to visit johnny in the hospital and that being where she and pony have their conversation

What i love about this song is that it isn’t cherry going “this is silly, you shouldn’t do this” it’s cherry realizing that what happened to johnny was never deserved, why the rumble is important, and knowing that it’s going to happen, but her also acknowledging, like ponyboy does, that it’s not going to change anything. 

I’m just so obsessed with emma’s voice and how she portrays cherry in the show

“Trouble”

I absolutely LOVE how aggressive and intense this song is, especially compared to “Hopeless War” coming right before it

I love “tonight” from West Side, and this song gives me those vibes, i love a good pre-rumble song

DARRY STILL LOOKING OUT FOR PONYBOY AND WANTING TO FIGHT FOR HIM 

PONYBOY TAKING THE “LET’S DO IT FOR JOHNNY” LINE

“Little Brother” 

Emotional damage part 3

The way the song starts out so soft and slow, and it building up and up as Dally becomes more and more worked up and looses it

“If anything were fair you would still be here” AND THAT’S THE POINT OF THE SHOW AND OF THE BOOK IT ISN’T FAIR THAT JOHNNY DIES IT’S FAIR THAT BOB DIES BUT JOHNNY DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE AND IT’S THE REALIZATION THAT EVEN THOUGH JOHNNY COULD DO SO MUCH MORE HE STILL DIES AND LEAVES THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM BEHIND

“Do it for Ponyboy, do it for Johnny Cade” THOSE ARE HIS BROTHERS YOUR HONOR

The way Joshua just screams the last “Johnny can you hear me now?” absolutely destroys me, the song itself is all over the place, and it makes sense because it’s Dally’s breakdown

“Stay Gold”

Emotional damage part 4

When i saw the show the instruments were really quiet while Sky was singing so all you could hear was him and then the sounds of people quietly sobbing and sniffling (it was me)

Going from “i have seen a pool of blood run crimson red” to “i have stared into a thankful father’s eyes” johnny going from taking a life to saving lives i’m losing my mind actually

Not to be annoying about them again but Brody and Sky’s voices literally melt together and their emotions are so beautifully portrayed as they sing, going from melancholy to joyful as Ponyboy starts to accept Johnny’s death

And “I have known a love that many never know, and our love lives on no matter where I go” IT’S ABOUT THE PLATONIC LOVE OF THIS GROUP AND THE LOVE PONY AND JOHNNY HAVE FOR EACH OTHER AND HOW FRIENDSHIPS ARE STRONGER THAN ANYTHING ELSE AND I’M JUST GOING TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE THEY’RE PLATONIC SOULMATES

Ponyboy having the last “Stay Gold” line 

“Finale (Tulsa ‘67)”

Darry reading the starting lines like Ponyboy did at the beginning of the show 

Ponyboy going from idolizing fictional heroes to looking at his brothers as his heroes because they’re the reason he’s going to be able to make it out of Tulsa????

Just the way he sings about how Darry is the toughest guy he knows, and how Soda is the heart and soul of the family, how earnest and loving he is when singing it

“Trying to look tough so they're not beaten down again” in connection to Dally makes me sob, him using the grease and toughness as a cover so he doesn’t get hurt again

And this reprise of the song just feeling so much lighter and happier, compared to the opening, when ponyboy was talking about how everything was unbalanced and the differences between the Greasers and the Socs, how he and his brothers were struggling, to the finale being so hopeful and encouraging, because Ponyboy’s had his realizations, he’s reconnected with his brothers, he’s accepted Johnny and Dally’s deaths, but he’s making a choice to keep going

And also at the end, where “We’re greasers” was repeated in the opening song, it’s now been changed to “Stay Gold” being repeated 

And the entire show ENDING with “Stay gold”???????

yeah i'm so so normal about this show i promise

[toa-character-tournament]

Trials of Apollo tournament !!!!! [studio audience claps]

[David Attenborough voice] Trials of Apollo is a very diverse series, with a plethora of characters who play both small and large roles, but have made an impact in the hearts of the readers- So we're gonna make them FIGHT to the DEATH to see who reigns supreme as the ultimate toa character. yayyyyyyyyy!!!! ^-^ [slightly more apprehensive studio audience clapping]

Anyways, below is the tournament bracket, which i made on kapwing instead of literally any other program (the number of times it broke down on me is INSANE) if any of u want the plain template bc u also somehow end up conducting a 40 character poll, shoot me an ask on @sierice ✌️love and peace

FAQ

1. Why is so-and-so character not there?

Mostly bc I felt they weren't that major of a character, even if they were toa-only characters. for example, the campers in THO. Paolo, Damian, Chiara, all of em are great characters, but they dont rlly play a super major role. some exceptions i can think to this would be Connor Stoll, who i didnt include bc he's just not thought about as much with regards to toa, but rather more to pjo instead. I didn't include percy bc if i did everyone would just vote for him regardless, which would skew things up quite a bit. another exception is agamethus, who should've definitely been here, except for the fact that i completely forgot to add him 💔 sorry king, you're the winner in my heart

2. Why is there going to be a poll against three different characters instead of just two in the bracket?

Bc im bad at math and didnt take into consideration that 40 characters wouldnt make a perfect even poll </3 also idk how to make a functional bracket

3. Why is this character against this one? It feels too skewed/too random

well. i tried to seed this tournament, bc i didnt want to randomize it and end up w zeus vs georgie or smthg. but i dont know how to seed polls exactly, so...................... yeah (i am SO sorry to jo and emmie 🙏i did not think u two would be pitted against each other in the end)

Regardless, this is not a very serious/formal poll, so we're just here to have some fun! vote for ur favorites, not who u think would win in a fight. idk what im doing here either, so i'll be mostly winging it as we go. LET'S GO!

[lemonthepotato]

Generic Gatekeeping Rant About The Enneagram Community

I really wanted that to alliterate. Anyway, this is a rant about the overtyping of 6 and 9 in the community. Yes, overtyping. I’ll present some arguments on why I believe 6 and 9 are overtyped. Whether you agree or not is a different story. I think civil discourse is more important than ‘winning’ an argument, so to speak. So, I’ll hear anyone out who disagrees with any of my points. But, yes, I do believe that 6 and 9 are overtyped.

First of all, how did this 6/9 dilemma begin? Well, a lot of people mistype as 4/5/8 due to shallow descriptions. People read that 4’s are the artistic, deep, emotional type, and settle on that. People read that 5’s are knowledgable, isolated and logical, and settle on that. People read that 8’s are confident, assertive and strong-willed, and settle on that. These, of course, are shallow understandings of the types. However, an issue I’ve noticed in this community is overcompensating for one extreme with another. What do I believe this overcompensating to be? I believe that people are trying to ‘balance out’ the overtyping of 4/5/8 by typing people as 6 or 9, when they clearly are not, to maintain the rarity status of those. But where did this idea that 6 and 9 are ‘the most common type’ begin?

Apparently this idea began from a survey from the website enneagram-personality. Here is the description of the survey. “Here is our first table representing the distribution of the enneagram types from 189957 results, which displays an idea of the distribution within the population. Note that type 4 is potentially the type that tends to be most naturally interested in introspection. 4s would therefore be more likely to take this kind of test. So, their population might be slightly fewer in terms of percentage on a real scale.”

The first thing that popped out to me was the specific wording, that these are TEST results. So, I took the test myself to check its accuracy. They made me put my email in (thanks :) oh, that was sarcasm.)

I’m actually really shocked. I got 86% for 4w5 and 14% for enneagram 8, along with a small amount for 6/5/7. “Results analysis : The test seems to have correctly found your type.” For the record, I didn’t go out of my way to skew the questions that way. If anything, I thought it would be balanced for 4 and 6. I didn’t expect EIGHT to be that high up. Plus, while I don’t believe in wings, I would’ve expected the wing to be 3 over 4. Oh, and I got 1% for enneagram 2. Something about that result feels wrong. Not the fact I scored 4, but the fact that I scored 14% on 8. Methinks this test may be a bit shallow, considering I’ve been torn between 4 and 6. I’ve never considered 8. The only type I relate to less than 8 is 5. I think aside from 4 and 6 (the types I have been torn between historically) my ‘relation’ order would be: 9317285. Am I taking this test as confirmation that I’m a 4? Absolutely not.

I don’t believe a test can type people completely accurately, including me. Even if the stat that 9 and 6 are the most common types, the fact it’s followed by 4 is strange, because people claim 4 is one of the rarer types. If 3rd place is rare, then sure. 5 was also the lowest scored, which confirms my theory that this is the study people reference, as people also make that claim a lot. And, of course, 8 is right above 5 in rarity.

The test also claims “Note that type 4 is potentially the type that tends to be most naturally interested in introspection. 4s would therefore be more likely to take this kind of test. So, their population might be slightly fewer in terms of percentage on a real scale” which actually makes sense. Still, the way people treat 4 would make you think they’re the rarest thing ever.

So, let’s say that the 4 scores are off by 2%. That would make four just as common as 7’s are. I do find these test results interesting. But still, 4 was only 2000 results lower than 6 or 9. Again, even if that number was closer to 4000, that would make 4 as common as 7 is. I don’t see a lot of people gatekeeping 7, though.

I don’t trust statistics. There are too many variables that can skew it, and this one feels like selection bias. (People predisposed to liking the enneagram so not represent the general population) A test cannot accurately type everyone. I do not find it impossible that 9 and 6 are very common types. However, the enneagram community isn’t the world. The general population might not be interested in the enneagram, and certain types might be more interested than others. I’m just saying, a so4 or sp5 has a higher chance of being interested in the enneagram than a so6 or sp9. And I’m not saying that 6’s or 9’s are shallow, I’m just saying that being self-introspective is heavily tied to 4/5, just for different reasons.

So, this study isn’t proof of anything. How is a test with like, 30 questions, more reliable than reading shallow RHETI descriptions? It won’t be more or less reliable. Self-introspection should be more important. Actually studying how the types work. But I’ve noticed an interesting trend in the enneagram community… changing how types operate to gatekeep them more.

Let’s go a specific claim. “4’s know who they are strongly. If you don’t know who you are, you’re a 9.” (False) (Commonly said)

Let’s look at what Naranjo actually wrote about 4’s.

Naranjo describes the E4 as someone who takes on the identity of a chronic sufferer, with a bad self-image who obtain love through suffering. “also, they convey the attempt on the part of the person to be something different from what he or she is, perhaps connected to class envy. The lack of originality entailed by such imitativeness in turn; perpetuates an envy of originality—just as the attempt to imitate original individuals and the wish to emulate spontaneity are doomed to fail.” Wow, what a strong self-identity we have there!

The E4 is described as someone who was only validated through their suffering in childhood. Being happy wasn’t allowed, crying, attention-seeking and pain got them love and affection.

The E4 is described as someone who uses their suffering to get love, who has a negative self image and identifies as a victim/sufferer. No where does that description mention strong sense of self. Read it for yourself; here. https://www.personalitycafe.com/threads/naranjos-character-and-neurosis-ennea-type-4.148114/

It’s directly from character and neurosis. I also noticed a staunch lack of the word “individuality.” It’s not about presenting authenticity or individually, but presenting the image of brokenness, mystique and uniqueness for the sake of attracting others. So, I find the idea that 4’s can’t struggle to know who they are very strange. Heart types are about presenting a certain image, after all. 2’s present the image of being helpful and selfless (except sp2’s. I love sp2’s they’re so based and kinda relatable. Just a little.) 3’s present the image of success and 4’s present the image of unique suffering.

Why would a heart type struggling to know who they are be such an unusual thing? Yes, 4’s overidentify with their negative traits, but that actually indicates a skewing of the true self.

What about type 9? Naranjo describes the type 9 as grounded, empathetic, and self-numbing. They numb themselves to avoid chaos. They identify with others to avoid exploring uncomfortable inner turmoil. They over-simplify, follow routines and immerse themselves in physical activities to remain in a comfortable state of mind. The 9 lives vicariously through things or people instead of through themselves.

So, here’s my hypothesis. Wouldn’t a type 9 be less interested in delving deep into typology, because they might have to deal with uncomfortable levels of self-reflection? I’m not saying 9’s are stupid NPC’s incapable of self-reflection, I’m saying that 9’s coping mechanism is literally avoiding themselves. For the record, I could be misinterpreting things. I have a hard time understanding complex words and shit, so this is just my interpretation.

This actually sounds like the polar opposite of a 4, so saying a lot of 4’s are mistyped 9’s is… strange. Don’t get me wrong, going by shallow descriptions, it’s possible. But now I’m wondering how many 6’s and 9’s actually ARE 4’s or another type.

Another thing about 4’s is that people will type obvious sx4’s as sx6’s or even sx8’s. I don’t even understand why people mistake sx6 for sx8. They’re not even remotely similar types. Yes, 8’s are described as cynical and distrusting, but they’re also reckless. Sx6’s LARP as reckless, bur fear consequences. Sx6’s go against fear by confronting it. 8’s tend to do what they want with little regard for consequences. And if you think THAT’S mean, write what Naranjo actually wrote about 8’s. The dude really didn’t like certain types lol. Though it’s more understandable why sx4 and sx8 would be mixed up.

Anyway, I know I’ve been focusing on 4 gatekeeping a lot. That’s because it’s the type I see gatekept the most. And to rip the band aid off, I am biased, because I’m 80% sure I’m a core 4, but I’ve only been typed as a four (sx4) by one person on the internet. 50% said sx6, the other 50% said sx9, and someone said 1. Now, here’s the funny part, the strange part, the weird part… how the fuck do you get sx6 and sx9 typings in the same post? Unless… mayhaps… people are predisposed to slap the label onto people who show any level of nuance beyond an easily identifiable type. Then we’re suddenly 6’s or 9’s, and ‘unhealthy’ at that.

Granted, the post I made was a mess, because I wrote it while extremely anxious and caffeinated. I’ll probably write a new one soon. Then we can judge if I’m a “real 4.” As if I have any fucking emotional attachment to a number in a system. Who WANTS to be a 4? I was in denial in 2019 because I was repulsed by the idea of being a 4. I’m not repulsed by the idea of being a sx6. Sx6’s seem cool. I’m not repulsed by the idea of being a 9. I just don’t feel like either. Also, my other typology? EII INFP ELVF RLUEN NPBV SEFA. Yeah, that really screams 9.

You know, another reason I didn’t want to identify as 4 was because of how overtyped it was and still is. Not only that, but the amount of gatekeeping makes it exhausting. Sure, if saying I’m a sx9 will make you happy, biggest nine ever. Y’all get way too defensive over a set of numbers. I’m actually tempted to make my own website with enneagram descriptions that don’t suck. Don’t test me. I might do it, because I no longer trust anyone in this community to have accurate information.

Another problem I have with this community is watering down what 6 and 9 means. “9’s can look like any type.” That is ridiculous, I’m sorry, but that kind of logic leads to the Barnum Effect. Sure, 9’s can technically look like “any” type, maybe on the surface, but if you dig even slightly into the structure of a 9, there are specific patterns of behaviour that make a 9 a 9. I’m just saying that if the 9 in question is a person who represses their anger, has strong moral values that they are forceful about, is perfectionistic, has an inner critic, constantly self denying… maybe that’s not a 9, maybe that’s a 1. If the 6 in question struggles with envy, is concerned with the self and withdraw from others on a frequent basis, maybe that’s not a 6, maybe that’s a four. Get it? This logic of over complicating and adding specific barriers of entry for hexad types while downplaying what it means to be a 6 or 9 only serves to validate the elitist gatekeeping of certain types and is barely based on logic. Sorry if that’s mean, but it’s what I believe to be correct here, so.

Also, I think there’s a lot of a domino effect of one person making a claim about a type, another person thinking “that’s believable,” and parroting it, and then it just becomes seen as fact; mob mentality, kind of.

[mytragedyperson]

Thoughts I had while reading TCF/LCF chapter 16

Quick note before I begin – the reason I call it TCF and not LCF is because that’s technically what I’m reading. I’m currently reading it on EAP. If there’s an official English version I can read feel free to point me in the direction of it but, since TCF is what it’s called on the site I’m reading it on, that’s probably what I’ll refer to it as. If this is a problem, please feel free to unfollow or block my posts but I don’t really refer to the book’s name at all in the actual posts though I do use names like Beacrox and stuff. I’m hoping this isn’t a huge problem for anyone, but I just thought I’d put that out there. This applies to all posts I make about TCF so I won’t repeat myself. As far as I know, there is no official translation, and it feels slightly wrong to use LCF because that’s not what the version I’m reading is called. This probably won’t change unless there’s an official English version. Just wanted to put this out there for those who care about this. Without further ado, I present to you, my thoughts

That right there, Cale’s “who will go if I don’t” perfectly sums up this character and why he does the things he does. Why does he mess with the white star so much? Who will if he doesn’t? why does he loot so many places? Who will if he doesn’t? why does he save so many people? Who will if he doesn’t? that might actually be one of the most consistent parts of his character. He does these things because, if he doesn’t, who will? No one else is gonna save the Black Dragon, or Paseton. They might try, if they knew but they don’t. so who will if he doesn’t? no one. And that’s not acceptable to him. This isn’t to say he’s the only one who would or could help people, just that, in most situations, he’s the only one who can.

And Venion is officially present. Wish he wasn’t but he is.

The fact that this utter waste of oxygen is considered a typical, authoritative noble is really sad. No wonder their world is doomed if this is a typical noble.

I feel like most villains are at least slightly smarter than Venion, honestly. Maybe not necessarily in this novel, idk about that, but villains in general. Most of them would know not to try and tame a dragon. I feel like that’s pretty basic common sense. You know what, yes, even the villains in this novel are probably slightly smarter at least. Even the bandits I was making fun of last chapter were smarter, though not by much. They had no way of knowing this carriage belonged to a noble travelling with a Choi Han and an assassin and a torture expert. Usually having the numbers game is an advantage. But my point is they didn’t know these things. Marquis Stan and Venion know this is a dragon, that’s the whole point. That makes them a lot dumber than the poor bandits who just chose the wrong carriage on the wrong day, imo.

One thing I do admire about Cale is his patience and ability to keep a calm ead even in front of something like Venion. I can’t call whatever he is a human, but calling him garbage or even human garbage is an insult to garbage and, considering OG Cale is supposed to be considered trash, that just feels more wrong. So Venion is a lot worse than living garbage, but calling him a monster feels like giving him more credit than he deserves and also is offensive to monsters so idk what he is. Also can we just think for a second about the fact that, in this novel, in this world, someone who drinks a lot and trashes places, has a worse reputation than the people torturing a baby dragon and watching it for amusement. Now, I know they’re not exactly adverting that fact but most people know he crippled (am I allowed to say that? Is there a better term? Idk, sorry) his older brother, and yet somehow more people hate or look down on OG Cale than Venion. Again showing that the typical nobles have some serious issue and skewed perspectives and priorities. You can do a horrible thing and everyone know you were responsible but, as long as you have status, power and appear like a normal noble, well, that’s just how it is. All this to say fuck Venion Stan, Marquis Stan and anyone who allies with him. Taylor is the only good person in that family and idc what anyone says about that.

Also I know the man was tortured but I don’t remember Choi Han punching him, and if Choi Han didn’t punch him, I think he should have, as a treat. He deserves it. Both of them do.

And nobles are supposed to have class and care for their people. I guess we’ve both been disappointed today. If someone has clearly fallen and you can see that, you stop. Get your head out of Venion’s ass. You can kiss it all you want, he’s still not going to respect you. sorry, I know he’s like a servant or something but that doesn’t make what he’s saying less asshole-ish. This is why we don’t associate with Venion. We become assholes if we do.

Also I know this isn’t the time but can we just take a second, before Venion or his lackey piss me off again, to admire this relationship, dare I say friendship, between Hans and Choi Han. The way he cares for him and doesn’t want him to get in trouble. I feel like Hans is definitely cheering him on on the inside and agrees with him but can’t say anything due to being a servant for the Henituse family. Hans and Choi Han friendship. I wish we saw more of this. I hope we do as the novel goes on, even if it's just a little. I want them to be besties. Idek why.

You know, I feel like it would be so easy for people to look at Hans and just see him as dumb or something but he’s not. It’s not his fault no one tells him anything. He actually has a decent amount of knowledge on things, like the noble families and what he says about the rock towers and stuff. He’s not dumb, he’s just working with the information he has.

So they were trying to get Choi Han in trouble, right? And it probably would’ve worked, except Cale saw everything and is a generally good person so agrees with Choi Han’s actions… except doesn’t this look worse for Venion? Like, another noble, and someone travelling with that noble, who is known for being trash, shows more care and compassion for this guy than Venion. It definitely reflects badly on the Tolz family, or at least it should, that a noble from another territory, who is known for being trash, is kinder and less intimidating and cares more about your people than you do. Like, I know this is unlikely but I feel like, if ever this bar/inn owner heard someone talk trash about Cale he’d be like idk he isn’t that bad. You know he actually stayed here once, one of his guards saved my life, and would kinda defend him a little, but he wouldn’t do that for Tolz. If a good way to tell what nobles are like is to look at how people in their territory act, then the fact this guy wouldn’t defend Venion or Tolz from criticism but arguably would defend Cale says more about Venion and Tolz than anything really. Especially after Cale becomes Young Master Silver Shield.

I may be wrong but this is the first time we see Cale actually mad/genuinely annoyed by someone right? For all he says Hans annoys him, he’s actually never seemed particularly annoyed at Hans. And everyone/everything else he’s been more surprised or scared than mad. He wasn’t even annoyed when he was brought to this world. On one hand I get it, I’m angry at Venion too. I just think it’s interesting to note.

Cale really thinks about everyone, even this old man.

Idk why but Something about Cale right now, the way he tells Choi Han to calm doen is so attractive to me. Maybe it’s how calm and level headed he is, maybe it’s how in control he seems. Idk. Also not important but in my head I don’t see red haired Cale Henituse, I see black haired KRS and idk why.

You know who I think of when I remember Venion? Years ago, when I first got Facebook I’d stumble across photos of like hunters posing with animals they’d just killed and looking so proud of themselves, and it always just filled me with anger and confusion. Like, I’m not a vegetarian or vegan but something about that just seemed so wrong to me. Venion reminds me of a worse version of those people. So pleased to see an innocent animal hurt and proud of themselves for having something to do with it.

When I tell you that reading this man’s torture/punishment scene will be so satisfying to me. He deserves so much worse than he got.

No he stole the carriage. He’s never even heard of Count Henituse. And those knights are paid actors. Why do people insist on asking obvious questions? To start conversation? There must be a better conversation starter than that. Honesetly how Cale hasn’t rolled his eyes at this amazes me. He doesn’t even think the sarcastic thing. I simply couldn’t do that.

I think Venion has bigger problems than being rude.

It makes sense that most people would just naturally be disgusted by him actually. Humans in general typically have fairly good instincts. We can kind of sense when others are terrible human beings. Obviously it isn’t perfect but it is there. The people who follow him probably either fear him or are just as terrible but if most people hate him, it’s probably not just because he’s rude. Venion would probably be too arrogant to pretend to be someone he’s not, so his bad traits would be fairly obvious and I think, when someone is this horrible, they can’t fully hide it anyway. He may not be advertising the Black Dragon thing but there is so much wrong with him and he has so many bad traits it would be impossible to hide them fully, if he even bothered to in the first place.

I don’t get how he’s convinced himself any version of Cale is somehow worse than him. The worst thing OG Cale did was probably what he said to Choi Han, that didn’t happen this time, so the worst he’s done is get drunk and trash some bars and shops. Meanwhile Venion has permanently injured and plans to murder his older brother, and is regularly entertained by a child, no, a toddler getting tortured. He needs to be smacked back down to, well, not earth, whatever their world is called.

Again, still don’t get how Venion would ever look like the better or superior one in this situation. His carriage nearly ran someone over, his lackey berated the person who saved the guy they nearly hit, and then he randomly tried to start shit with another noble and insulting him in public, when the other noble hadn’t actually said or done anything to anyone. No matter how you put it, Venion is the asshole in this situation, and everyone would see that so idk what superiority he thinks he’s showing here.

See Cale gets it. Why ask something you already know about? Oh so he can point out Cale is trash. pOk the trash is still like the least problematic person in this situation so really it just makes you look worse. Btw not saying Choi Han is problematic or anything, hopefully you get my point, it’s a rare occasion of Cale being the best behaved from the outside. Is behaved a word? If it wasn’t it is now.

Idk I think Cale’s doing pretty well at being a noble and this type of talk. If that was me I’d just be rolling my eyes every time Venion spoke.

Also fuck Marquis Stan. He’s just as responsible for Taylor and The Black Dragon and is a shit father and noble. He should’ve been tortured just as much as Venion. Idc.

Is the three other children including Taylor? Because if not 3 siblings and either none of them know or none of them care about the dragon being tortured. I’d like to give them the benefit of the doubt but idk if I can.

Ok so it doesn’t include Taylor.

And none of them care that the oldest brother was crippled by their other brother? Not one? Man, what is up with this family? Why do they all suck so much? Taylor deserves batter.

Imagine if KRS was transmigrated in the Stan family instead. He’d hate them so much but I feel like their downfall would come even quicker, and he’d still help Taylor and Cage because he doesn’t want to be the Marquis. He could even tell them about the black dragon to help Taylor take down his family. And he’d still be in the capital so be able to help with the plot. Can’t decide how he’d get the Shield, but idk, could be fun.

Kinda love how he refers to it as our family already. That’s cute.

Tbf I don’t think nobles not wanting to Take / associate with Deruth’s territory has much to do with it being greedy, because even if it would be greedy, what are the chances the other nobles would all care. It’s probably more to do with the Forest of darkness. Whoever’s responsible for Henituse territory is responsible for watching the Forest of Darkness and, let’s face it, most nobles won’t want that responsibility. Like looking greedy might be some nobles’ concern, but at least one noble family wouldn’t care about that.

This bitch really had the audacity to try and compare himself to Basen? Please those are two completely different relationships. Basen isn’t a complete psychopath/narcissist. And for that matter Cale isn’t Taylor. And did he really just try to call Taylor the trash eldest son and himself the pretty smart younger brother? God he’s delusional. It’s so much worse than I remembered. Delusional, arrogant, dumb, pathetic, horrible. There’s not a single good quality about this guy. Also claims he’s smart but doesn’t realise that Cale dislikes him, dare I say hate him, more than he hates Cale, but that could also be arrogance so idk.

If Venion didn’t like me and compared me to Taylor I’d take that as a huge compliment actually.

Hate to point this out again but he failed to appear as a proper noble when his carriage nearly ran someone over and his lackey blamed that person. Doesn’t seem very proper to me but what do I know? Maybe that is proper behaviour.

Also all these people just heard you call this man a waste of time and an obstacle. I know that some rich people do see poorer people like this but surely this is one of those things that, as a noble, you’re supposed to think but not say out loud? I know they’re not your people but it still seems wrong. Also wouldn’t it appear to most outsiders that he only told his lackey to stop because he realise another noble was there and he wanted to look good in front of him. Again, there’s no way Venion actually realistically comes out of this looking morally better or superior in any way to Cale.

You can practically hear the disgust in Cale’s thoughts. That’s truly impressive.

Don’t worry Venion. Cale did a very good job of teaching his people that distinction. Although his idea of people who have a right to walk this earth may differ from yours. Also again he just very publicly stated that this man, who hasn’t actually done anything wrong, doesn’t have the right to walk the earth or whatever… because he’s not a noble I guess?  Honestly, can you imagine a noble in our world saying this shit like in present time? I mean not much would happen lbr but everyone would at least be like we hate you, that’s a disgusting thing to say.

Also is now a good time to admit I have no idea how nobility actually works and therefore have no clue of the hierarchy?  Ok so google has informed me that Marquis is higher than Count and now I’m sad that a dragon torturer has a higher rank than Count Henitus, and say what you want about him, but at least he actually cares about his people to the best of his ability with the knowledge he has.

That’s offensive to dogs. At least sometimes when they yap it’s for a good reason, usually not but sometimes. (I’m not hating on dogs, I love dogs, I have two dogs, but they do tend to bark for no reason)

I don’t think there’s actually a word for how much I hate this man. Hate and despise come close but feel too weak a word. loathe maybe but every time I think of the word loathe or loathing I think of the song from Wicked, and that song could so easily go the complete opposite direction. Maybe abhor but again these words feel too weak. They don’t fully capture the anger, the disgust, the complete inability to find even one good thing about him.

What I’d give to see Choi Han punch him, just once.

The Tolz family also seem like idiots but they also seem too pathetic to actually hate? Like they just go along with keeping a dragon on their territory and letting the Marquis torture it there? Dumb, dumb as hell. I’d feel sorry for them but they brought it on themselves and so instead I look about them in about the same way I imagine most people look when they see Florida Man in the news, just a why would you do that? Confusion but still more angry than I probably would be at most Florida men or similarly stupid people in the news. A more confused version of the anger I feel when there’s a child abuse story in the news and one of them is like oh but I didn’t abuse them, when there is proof they knew it was happening and were fine with it/amused by it/encouraging it or just didn’t care. You know what I change my mind I do hate the Tolz family, just less than Marquis Stan and Venion. But yeah fuck the Tolz family too. Being pathetic and dumb is no excuse honestly.

Cale needs a reward  or something purely for not punching this man.

Also can we tak a second to discuss the difference in anger and how it’s expressed by Choi Han and Cale. The best way I can put it is Choi Han’s anger is like fire, right? It’s heated, passionate, comes on and spreads quickly and suddenly, is very destructive, hard to stop and contain, though it can be, and is harder to hide. Cale’s anger is like water, like the ocean. It’s cold, he looks very calm on the outside, so you don’t realise he’s angry, but under the surface he’s raging. I’ve always thought the ocean was beautiful and at the same time thought it was one of the most terrifying things there is, and not just because I can’t swim. With fire, the danger is there, it’s obvious, you know it’s dangerous, you know if you touch it you’re gonna get hurt, you’re gonna get burned, and that leaves a permanent mark. But the ocean isn’t like that, the danger isn’t as obvious, at least if you can swim, you could go in the ocean a million times and be just fine, and then one day you get stuck in the wrong tide, and you try to fight against it but you can’t. and there’s so much we don’t know about the ocean, so much mystery surrounding it, a lot of stories, some true, some not true. And the most dangerous thing about the ocean is how peaceful it looks, how calm, how it lures you in. even though I know I can’t swim, I still feel the urge, when I see the ocean, to just jump in, even though I know that would be a very bad idea. A lot of this applies to Cale, there are a lot of stories and rumours about him, he looks more calm than he is, he draws people in, a lot of those people survive and are just fine, but some get dragged away by the tide. The thing is fire and water, with all these differences, still have similarities: they both can hurt/kill you, and they can both be suffocating, and they’re both pretty to look at but can hurt you if you’re not careful. And that just feels so similar to Choi Han and Cale to me. Plus Cale managed to calm Choi Han down, a bit like water can douse a fire and put it out. Cale is water, Choi Han is fire, they’re both forces to be reckoned with and Venion pissed both of them off. He played with fire multiple times but he also earned the ocean’s fury, and an angry ocean… well, we all know how terrifying, how dangerous, that can be. This turned out more poetic than I intended so I’m gonna go ahead and move on.

Again he’s awfully judgy for someone who gets his kicks from torturing a 4 year old.

Cale subtly messing with Venion by purposefully using the hand he helped the old man with to shake Venion’s hand. Also the fact Cale is more disgusted to touch Venion and Venion doesn’t realise it.

also is the lackey a servant? I thought they were but idk. Oh well, not important

Cale’s ability to say these things without giving away that he’s lying is truly impressive.

Oh good, Venion’s gone. I apologise that this one is more angry/less positive. I just can’t stand Venion or people like him.

Cale: lowkey rants about everything wrong with the interaction with Venion

 also Cale: I’m not that angry though

maybe not angry necessarily but he is very much disgusted. Even then he is a little angry, which is fair

again don’t get how exactly Cale would look bad in this situation, especially when compared with Venion

honestly Choi Han and Cale’s conversation here is actually great. Cale almost comforts Choi Han, and shows that he understands how Choi Han feels and where he’s coming from, and he agrees with him. He validates Choi Han so much but his plan to destroy Venion is different. Choi Han could and would beat Venion up, maybe even kill him, but Cale, Cale takes the things he and the Marquis care about the most, their status, their power, their image, their money. For people like Venion and the Marquis that’s much more devastating than a beatdown they could recover from and use as ammunition. And then he doesn’t even really ask or demand Choi Han helps him, he offers, gives him the chance to decide or agree to help on his own, and it’s such a subtle difference, but an important one nonetheless. Also don’t think either of them realise but they’re already besties at this point.

Choi Han is such a delight

Here’s the thing, Cale was already pissed at Venion before they even met and now he’s made him even angrier. i don’t think anyone can help him now. Like he was already beyond help but, now, it’s not just I’m going to punish you for what you did to Raon. It’s I’m going to do that and I’ll enjoy every second of tearing you apart and watching you be clueless I’m responsible until it’s too late. God I love that version of KRS Cale. Kinda want a dark Cale fic now. Not necessarily a villain but also kinda. Same Cale, just wants his people safe, but if anyone regardless of the side their on messes with his people they get the same treatment as his enemies, whether they’re a hero, villain, neutral. And where he enjoys bringing them down as well. Idk the idea of dark KRS Cale is so interesting to me. And slowly the characters around him become just as dark. Like he simply can’t lose anyone else so if anyone poses even the slightest threat to his people, they’re very quickly dealt with. Anyway not important

[harlowarchives]

chp 3 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 ! ୨ .  ˚ ໒꒱

hello my babies im so late but heres hope chapter 3! as i announced there would a time jump so now our baby is 4, this book’s drama is only starting i swear. but 𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 enjoy <33

↳ listen to take you there by her, hurt you by toni braxton and baby face & potential by summer walker.

no 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 today ladies.

Jack had been coming home later & later every night because of his management and label, he'd been missing doctor’s appointments which was unusual for him so Sevyn was alone every night. She needed help, her stomach was only getting bigger, and every task became ten times harder. Midnight came & the front door opened Sevyn sat at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of ice cream she watched Jack quickly walk past her, “Where are you going? You even didn't say anything.” Sevyn walked toward Jack who had his weight on the bathroom sink opening the mirror cabinet “Are you ok?” Jack didn't even bother to face her. Sevyn noticed an odd smell coming from his sweatshirt “Are you high?” She questioned skewing her face he faced her his eyes low & slightly red “N—” she shook her head dismissing him and stormed up the stairs before he could see her tears. She buried her head in the sheets after locking the bedroom door tears flowed down her cheeks like a river she heard Jack knock on the bedroom door repeating her name “Just open the door.” He pleaded in a raspy voice “You go out leave me by myself for hours lie to me about where you're at, get high drunk things you never do. I understand the pressure Jack, or maybe I don't but why do you treat me this way after I constantly support you, why me?” Her voice was shaky & tears ran down her cheeks. Jack slid down the door his head on his knees “Sevyn, I'm sorry.” He inhaled, “That gets old Jack.”

Tears streamed down Sevyn’s face her eyes burned, she prayed things would change because she loved him & being the mother of his child was all she’d ever wished for. Jack was the love of her life she knew that since laid eyes on him.

Sevyn woke up at around 3:00 pm & walked to the living room expecting to see Jack but he was nowhere to be found the car wasn't in the driveway either & his shoes weren’t there. She began packing her things getting ready to leave. She sat in her Cadillac watching him on Instagram at the club drinking bottles of vodka while random women rubbed his lap, She was embarrassed but she kept her composure. She blocked all of his social media accounts and his phone number, She wasn't one to up & leave but this was too much he had disrespected her time & time again she was exhausted. He showed no respect for her as the mother of his child and his girlfriend, now she was over it.

Sevyn sat at her desk humming a gentle tune, melodic & mellow. She tapped her pen against her hardwood desk “Sevyn it's perfect I don't think you should change it.” Sayori smiled as Jordyn nodded in agreement “She’s right Sev I love it so will the world.” Sevyn shook her head “Yall it doesn't sound right something just so wrong about it!” She spoke her voice raising slightly causing Jordyn to throw her hands up. Everyone in the studio turned their attention to the studio door hearing small footsteps approaching the room and seeing Jack, Urban & Hope outside the frosted glass door. Urban lifted Hope helping her twist the knob, the door popped open and a smile spread across Sevyn’s face “Hey pumpkin!” Sevyn smiled as Hope ran into her mother’s arms causing the rolling chair to slide back on the engineering table “Hi Mommy, what are you doing?” Hope smiled resting her head on Sevyn’s chest “Working babe, you wanna hear my song?” Sevyn smiled watching her daughter's eyes light up with excitement “Yeah Mommy, let's hear the song!” Urban & Jack said in sync. Sevyn pressed the resume button on her laptop & started the song from the beginning playing a song called ‘Take You There’ Everyone in the studio seemed to be entranced in the music. Sevyn sang the lyrics to Hope tickling her a bit.

The song in the studio went silent, Jack let out a deep sigh “Sevyn, I think this is the best song on the album.” Urban spoke looking over at Jack who uncomfortably shifted in his seat he got up and shot a look at Urban who was still comfortably seated “Alright, I got her lunch so she's not hungry right now. Everything she brought is getting washed, I'll text you later.” Jack said his mouth in a line, Sevyn nodded as Urban shot up high-fiving Hope, Jack held out his arms signaling a hug Hope quickly got up and fell into his arms “Bye, Papa.” She smiled as he placed a gentle kiss on her head “Later, kiddo I love you.” He smiled setting her down as “I love you too.” She smiled as Urban & Jack walked out the door. “No one else was confused as to why he left after you played the song?” Sayori questioned squinting before looking around “I don't know he's been acting strange lately super strange, he just drops her off & doesn't say anything.” Sevyn shrugged thinking a bit more about it “We always have a conversation & if we don't he has somewhere to be.” Sevyn continued “I'm not mad or anything he's not obligated to have a conversation with me it's just not like him which is what concerns me.” Sevyn added starting to ramble “Mommy can we go home?” Hope asked tapping Sevyn on the chest “Yes baby.” Sevyn smiled.

After a long studio session, Sevyn & Hope were outside the house. They got inside & Sevyn began getting herself and Hope ready for bed, Bathtime ended now The two were lying on the bed watching Proud Family. Sevyn felt her phone vibrate underneath her so she looked at her screen and saw a message from Jack “We need to talk.” He texted “Yeah, what's up?” She responded “Was the song about me? Yes or no, no extra shit Sevyn.” He said, “Yes, I wrote it because I saw a picture of us in high school it inspired me.” She responded, “Is that a problem?” She double-texted “No it's not I mean I'll figure it out.” He texted back, “Okay, also what's up with you? You're avoiding me now?” She sent getting left on read.

🏷️ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ⁱ : @lexxlovesjack @iknowdatsrightbih @iheartharlow @livsters @honeyharlows @killatravtramp @jackmanduh @itsyagirljaz

[eurothug4000]

INTERVIEW WITH SAM BARLOW AND TOMM HULETT ON SILENT HILL SHATTERED MEMORIES

As part of my Shattered Memories video, I decided to try and reach out to Designer Sam Barlow and Producer Tomm Hulett to ask them some questions. And I was delighted that they said yes! I couldn't fit everything into my video, but what they shared was too interesting not to post somewhere in its entirety! HERE IT GOES:

What was it like building the profiling system and what kind of resources did you tap into? I read that professionals helped and even analysed some of the team members! What psychological test was most surprising and interesting to you?

SAM: It was a deep dive into psychometrics! Yeah we spoke with academics who had done work into eye tracking. We put the team through a battery of personality tests to have some data to work off of. I worked with a therapist who insisted I attend sessions as a patient and genuinely, in order to make things credible. The most fun (surprising!?) anecdote is that we were working off the 5 factor personality model, which is the popular one. The fifth factor of the 5 is psychopathy. But we ended up dropping that factor because we found that everyone naturally behaves a bit like a psychopath when playing a game! So it kinda skewed the data.

TOMM: My related answer - As soon as I read the pitch with the psych profiling and how it would change the game world, I instantly (if slightly presumptuously) demanded to Produce the game. This was the type of outside-the-box thinking that I felt suited Silent Hill as a brand, but could also drive it forward with new innovations that would surprise players. Management granted my request, and I made it my personal mission to protect this feature from outside meddling, and to evangelize it across Konami.

In regards to elements of the game (character appearances, dialogue etc.) being tailored to the player’s profile, were there any other features you would have liked to implement that would also change depending on the profile? Also any other things you would have liked to have affected the profile? I saw mentions of Mii data and the Weather Channel for example!

SAM: I think always it was a question of how deep we could go -- the more specific we got, the more money it would have cost! So there were compromises in terms of the number of variations. We'd go in asking for as much as we could think of and then end up compromising and picking the key ones. Could always have used more hairstyles, outfits, or set dressing! It was particularly tight on things like monster animations -- those had to be generic, but fit against any additional animation bones, say an udder -- rather than be unique to each form. The way they moved could have been a real nice differentiator.

Yeah, we really wanted to do some stuff where we pulled in the player's Mii data, or tapped into the local weather/time for their console. But all of those things ended up being things that would have possibly upset the Nintendo guidelines, so we kinda skipped over those. We wanted to find as many ways we could make the player feel seen, and add to the feeling that the Harry they were making was tied to them.

I read that when speaking to some of the developers of the original game, you sought to understand some of their goals with the first title in order to aim for those same targets in SM. What were those goals? Was there anything the developers would have liked to do for the first game (but couldn’t for whatever reason) which were then included in SM?

SAM: Hmmm, I'm not sure we spoke directly to anyone for SH:SM. I know we had access to some people at Konami on Origins, but it was slightly difficult -- a lot of the files/documentation didn't exist anymore, so it wasn't always straightforward to tap into intentions -- as well, SH:1 was kinda of a miracle and product of a very particular moment in time so I think a lot of how the original turned out was organic. We certainly wanted to make something that would feel -- in a fresh way -- like the original felt; rather than rehashing it in a way that would feel like diminishing returns. We wanted to take some of the themes of the first game, and also some of the ideas thrown out by 2 and 3, and take them to a place that was a little bit more lived in. Like there was a vibe I got when going into the K. Gordon house in SH1 that felt so real and domestic and it had a real presence... walking into a domestic living area, that atmosphere of it being abandoned, the proximity of the horror to the domesticity, the uncanny feel. We wanted to tap into that. And to remind people that it was snowing in Silent Hill 1!

Sam, was there anything you took from SM that applied to or evolved in your future games? I think I first noticed your mark the second the VHS intro started playing with a menu in the style of a typical TV interface, the use of technology as an immersive viewpoint in your other titles has been something I’ve always loved!

SAM: Yeah, clearly I have a real interface-within-an-interface thing going on! You could argue that the principal's office puzzle is basically Her Story 0.1! I definitely enjoyed the use of the frame narrative and the idea we had that 'the player is not the protagonist' -- the idea that you create tension between the main character and the player, and explore that for dramatic effect. We deliberately kept shifting POV (3rd to 1st person) and introduced time jumps to create a disconnect with Harry. Also a lot of the way the profile system worked -- vector math and fuzzy logic underpinning choices, rather than binary trees -- has been something I've used in every game since. Under the surface the way that Her Story or Immortality knows about its scenes and connects things, and plays music, etc. is all using a similar setup.

Not a question, but I adored how going into the options/quit game menu would also display that TV interface style, like Cheryl’s view was that outer layer in the narrative that gets peeled back at the end. Reminds me of the use of the screen reflection in Telling Lies in a way!

SAM: Yeah, again, I think this is clearly my thing! Creating layers *between* the player and the narrative in a way that can actually help with a kind of immersion.

I read in a few interviews that it was an important point that every player could finish the game, with some adjustments kicking in if players were struggling. Where do you think your philosophy of prioritising players getting to experience the full story over the possibility of them getting ‘stuck’ at a difficult obstacle in the game came from? Did that stem from personal frustration you have with other games? Do you think this philosophy contended with the existing SH fanbase who were used to the perhaps more unforgiving nature of survival horror conventions?

SAM: I think if you're going to give the player something 'different', you also need to balance that out with a kind of generosity. You can't ask them to meet you halfway and then keep punishing them. It's also very much a truth that the more you make players repeat things, the more you make them stuck, the more they see the illusion -- they start to see the clockwork, the seams of the experience. So it was very important to me that we help players move smoothly through this experience to properly deliver our emotional payload.

Yeah, I think there's definitely a minority who look for a very specific game template and equate difficulty/obfuscation (and the resulting padded game time!) with the kind of survival horror experience. I don't think Shattered Memories was a game for them, in that sense. For me it's all in service of engaging the player. Sometimes challenge can do that. But the classic survival horror template definitely can also take that too far.

I read that Cold Heart turned into SM as Konami had greenlit a SH1 remake, although SM was a reimagining instead. As a result, there seemed to be a little disconnect between the marketing and what the game actually was. What were some of these differences?

SAM: I guess if there was a disconnect ultimately it was that there were probably high up bosses who thought this was a very traditional remake (just with Wii controls?) rather than a reimagining. That was something that I'm not sure was ever run all the way up the chain! But I think generally marketing got that aspect -- we would reference Battlestar Galactica and they liked that comparison. Really the big disconnect was that we'd made a game from the (new) Wii audience and most of the marketing went into positioning it as a 'gamer's game on the Wii.' That was a real missed opportunity to be honest.

What were some of the challenging aspects of making a reimagining with existing characters as opposed to brand new characters? Were there some advantages even?

SAM: I think it was all upside for us. It's great to have something to start with that you can then springboard off of. And a lot of the intent of SH:SM was that we would create a weird Deja Vu for people who *had* played the original -- a sense of things being recognizable but also very different. That was a whole extra level of vibes and emotional responses that we could tap into. This was much more fun than, say, Silent Hill: Origins where it was all downside... there it felt like we were making fan fiction, having to embellish and add small details to an existing story that had no real spare room or need for those embellishments!

Now that there have been many years to reflect, were there any ideas that you wished made it into the game? Or anything you think would have been better to have been changed or removed?

TOMM: Late-ish in development after getting a lot of feedback and considering how consumers might react, I pitched Climax on adding an element of threat and tension to the "normal" world. Nothing like overt combat or enemies, but just something so the player wouldn't feel entirely safe. This didn't go in obviously, but I sometimes wonder how it may have changed initial reactions from players.

(still third question I hit enter accidentally)  Also I wish the western releases of the game didn't have a bug making one ending harder to get than intended.  That's the main regret.

I think the only other SH game to have pushed the series out of its comfort zone as much as you did with SM is PT. Do you think players/critics these days are more accepting of change in their favorite franchises than they were when SM released? How did you feel when you first saw PT? Was there some specific joy in seeing the series you worked on go into a new direction like SM did?

TOMM: PT was the first (only?) SH game I got to experience after leaving Konami and I certainly think it owes something to SHSM. I'm very proud that our game was essentially a "walking simulator" before that term existed, and how favorably it compares to the notable games of that type, when we were charting our course without a map as it were.  On the right day, I do think critics now are more accepting of changes and I think we owe the indie scene for that a bit. Many critics even EXPECT new titles to change up familiar elements, rather than sticking in the same molds.  That said, fans are still fans. When they hear about a strange new mechanic in a series they love, I hope they remember first-person Resident Evil, Yakuza RPG, and maybe SHSM, and give it a fair chance.

SAM: Maybe? We're definitely living through an age of renewed nostalgia and backwards thinking. So many reboots and remakes! So maybe now is the wrong time to push franchises in fresh directions. Which is a shame. But outside that, I think the audience is definitely open to new experiences and the definitions of genres have expanded. P.T. was great -- I loved how it was delivered, the impact on players. To be honest, in all likelihood how things turned out was probably best? I can't imagine the full Silent Hill reboot ending up having the same impact that P.T. (and it's being lost to time!) was able to generate? I definitely appreciated the ways in which P.T. recalled some of the non euclidian domestic stuff we did in our later 'nowhere' sequence, and just that sense of immersion in a domestic space.

What do you think the legacy for SM was? Any lasting effects you feel were left on the series or community, maybe even the horror genre as a whole?

TOMM: (kind of answered a bit above but we'll try). I hope SHSM takes some of the credit for expanding what a "horror" game can be. It was pretty strict beforehand, you had your RE-style actiony games, and your SH-style atmosphere games that that's how the genre was judged. Horror games these days have such a huge range now and it's wonderful. Weird text-driven meta things, or PS1 throwbacks like Signalis. It's great. Horror only works when it surprises you, so I'm glad it all doesn't fit into 2 rigid definitions anymore.

SAM: Clearly a lot of what we did in SH:SM ended up becoming quite standard -- the flight rather than fight gameplay; the sense of open, immersive spaces with no loading; the 'walking simulator' aspects of our storytelling, etc. I couldn't say whether any of that was directly because of SH:SM, or just in the water anyway! I have heard some developers call out SH:SM, so it does sometimes feel like we had an outsized reaction from particular press, or particular groups of developers -- rather than the world at large.

Sam, this is more out of my own curiosity than anything… but I read that you saw similarities in the chase sequences and an experience you had as a child. Apparently you were in Tanzania being chased by baboons around a swimming pool?! I need to know more!!

SAM: Yeah, when we were devving the first vertical slice, I was obsessed with the swimming pool area. The size of it, the dimensions, how the enemies out to flow around it. At the same time I was pushing the animators and artists to have the enemies on all fours, and hairy! This was a challenge as it made the camera very hard to program so it could see the enemy chasing you; and hair was a challenge on that level of tech. But I kept pushing. And everyone was like, 'why is Sam so set on these ideas??' Then one day I remembered and realized it all went back to this time when I lived in Tanzania and as a 5 year old was chased around a swimming pool by a pack of baboons. My memory is the adults just watched and laughed. It was very traumatic! I was trying to recreate that trauma for the players, but after that mini closure, I relented and let the enemies stand on two feet...

What were the best/most fun parts of development for you?

TOMM: The most fun part of development for me was sharing this weird new game with so many people. Climax developed it so that the first 20-30 minutes of the game were our "Vertical Slice" which would be used to sell the game internally. So I would present this to a room full of Konami folks and make a different person answer each opening therapy question, or make key choices along the way, and I had it all choreographed so I knew when to look at a scary image, when to call a random phone number, etc.  This same section of game was then used as our demo at E3 and Gamescom, and watching all those new players giggle at "Have you cheated on a partner?" or realize their neighbor was having a different path through the demo than they did... it's just great seeing an idea come together so perfectly. Climax hit it out of the park and I was glad to be a part of it.

Anything else you’d like to share? I love hearing fun little stories or memories about game development so feel free to let loose!

TOMM: My most frustrating presentation was showing the game in its alpha state to the head of Marketing. I was showing him the Memento you get from the dart board in the bar, and how you could turn it around to view it using the Wii Remote. He got really fixated on the dart board and tried convincing me we should spend the rest of development making darts playable.  People lose all kinds of time in GTA playing darts and stuff.  He was relentless.  I kept trying to explain the player's mindset in a horror game is different than in GTA but he kept pushing.  Needless to say we did not make darts playable.

SAM: Ooh, I don't know... um.... how about that the clinic where Kaufmann works was inspired by Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Water building? I gave the artists a bunch of photos of this classic piece of architecture for how I wanted the lighthouse clinic to look. It was only when someone then pointed it out to me that I learned the other name for this famous building? "The Kaufmann house". Mind blown.

Apart from the playable darts, were there any other odd ideas put forward outside of the team during development? Or any other instances where you had to protect the vision for SM?

SAM: I guess we were always on the backfoot in terms of not having traditional combat (or wiimote waving crowbar action) so that was one we had to keep running defense on. Mostly we were so busy executing on all the ideas we did have that we didn't really have too much time to entertain additional ideas, so we just kept moving! Stuff like ensuring that every element of the environment was readable/made sense in the narrative/imagery, etc. was something that was a real and constant effort -- the kind of detail and involvement of the narrative team across the art that just wasn't something you normally did.

A HUGE thank you to them both for participating in the interview!! You can find them on twitter:

Tomm: https://twitter.com/Hypnocrite

Sam: https://twitter.com/mrsambarlow

#silenthill #interview