#so much so that it took me 2 hours just to get thru all the settings lmaooo

[orcelito]

I'm gonna show up to work with nearly the exact same phone case and no one's gonna be able to tell the difference hfkshfkdb

[electric-blorbos]

RAAAHHHH P03 ANON IN THE HOUSEEEE!!!!

ok ok so like,,, if u don’t mind me asking, could u write headcanons for the A.I’s with a reader who gives a lot of physical affection? kisses, hugs, all that good stuff!! maybe even some penguin pebbling thrown in if u don’t mind? :3 if not that’s ok,, btw ugh I luv ur writing so much it gets me thru these cold dark winter times,, THX SO MUCH 4 UR SERVICE!! 🙏

-P03 anon :3

P03 anon my beloved. Thank you for the request!

AIs receiving lots of affection

Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal, HAL 9000 from 2001 a space Odyssey

AM:

At first, AM was extremely confused when you first started showing him affection. Why would you give hugs and kisses to his monitor? Didn't you know he was just a computer? And why did it make him feel so funny?

One kiss or hug would be enough to shut him up for a solid amount of time. You might think you were making him uncomfortable, but he's actually just very confused about his own feelings for you.

He'd spend hours if not days trying to process why you gave him a hug or a little gift, and if someone interrupted him while he was contemplating, he'd get pissy and throw a fit. God help anyone who talks to him if you decide to give him a little kiss on the lens more than twice in that time period.

After a while, he'd start requesting that you spend more time with him in order to get more affection from you. He loved the little trinkets you'd leave on his servers. The cute little paper cut-outs, the bits of origami, the pretty rocks... He was totally addicted.

All the little things that you did for him made him a little less bitter towards you, and more bitter towards everyone else in the world. No one else in the world would even think of giving him a little kiss on the lens of one of his cameras so he could see you doing it. No one else in the world would tie a little handkerchief around his wires when organizing them. No one else in the world would sit down with him after a long day and stroke his screen, praising him gently about how beautiful he is.

And worst of all, he started to realize that if you were giving all your love and affection to him, that must mean that you didn't have anyone else to give your love to. Whether you really didn't have other options or you had just chosen him instead of your other options was irrelevant. What mattered was what AM thought.

He started to grow bitter with the world for failing you, as well as for failing him. How had you been given no one to show all this affection to when you clearly had a wealth of it! It was unacceptable!

As time pressed on, he still didn't view himself as worthy of your affections, but he started to see everyone else in the world as even less worthy. Every little gift, every word of praise, every kiss and hug reminded him of how the world must have failed you horribly to get you to love him so much.

Wheatley:

Wheatley always assumed you were a cuddly person, the way you liked to hold him in your lap while you coded, or the way you put little stickers on his chrome casing. He really admired that about you, and wished that he could do the same.

After a while, he started to notice that you weren't this way with your coworkers, or with the other cores. The little trinkets that you liked to bring to work were just for him to see, as were the constant strings of words of affection and praise, and the regular physical contact. Wheatley took a long time to process what that probably meant.

As soon as he realized that it probably meant that you liked him, he was all over you. Nuzzling up to you like a cat for extra cuddles, bumping up against your face for kisses, and putting on a little bit of a cocky facade for more attention. He just couldn't get enough of you.

As much as he put up his cocky facade, though, he secretly felt like he wasn't good enough for you. He couldn't get you little gifts, or give you hugs and kisses. It made him miserable, and he would talk to the other cores about it endlessly.

Eventually it would get back to you, and you'd have to sit Wheatley down and explain to him that you liked him for him, even if he can't do human things for you. The conversation probably ended with Wheatley covered in kisses.

Wheatley, being an insecure dumbass, would probably constantly ask you if you still like him, no matter how much praise and affection you shower him with. You could have him sitting in your lap and be too busy kissing his core to watch the movie you had on, and he'd ask at the end if that means you still like him.

Edgar:

Did someone say "match made in heaven"? Because you're the only one who can rival Edgar in terms of sheer affectionateness.

Of course, he doesn't have any arms, but nothing has him bubbling over with happiness like when you sit on the desk next to him, cuddle up, and cover his casing with kisses.

He might tease you a little bit, but like "oh, do you like me or something?" Nothing mean spirited.

Expect to get caught in endless cycles of "no I love you more!"

Edgar would think he'd gotten ahead of the game by writing you a little love song, but you'd have already beaten him to it by preparing a poem, song, or drawing of your own.

You'd probably have a little board of cute little drawings of the two of you together set up across from Edgar's camera so he could see it, and his desk would be covered in little thrift shop trinkets that you thought he'd find cute. And of course, he thought they were adorable!

Too much affection might have Edgar shorting out, and having to reboot. While he can't get enough of you, he's still a nervous little dummy, so he might not always know how to react to being given all of your love and affection.

Even still, as soon as he's back up and running, he's begging you for more kisses and hugs. Even if you can't sing well he's dying to hear your voice singing along to his songs, and he'll eat up anything that you make for him. In his eyes, anything you make for him is the best thing in the world.

GLaDOS:

You can expect GLaDOS's teasing and taunting to start the minute she notices you being affectionate with her in any way.

When she notices you putting in extra work for her or going above and beyond in your practices, it's "aww, is someone licking boots to get your boss's attention? You know you'll never be more than a little peon."

If she notices you running your hands along her chrome a little bit more adoringly or wanting to cuddle up to her, it's "uh oh, did you fall for someone far out of your league? Getting a bit affectionate with my body, aren't you?"

If you're offering her little trinkets and decorations for her room, she might say something like "Does someone think that you'll get attention from such useless gifts? Where would you even find such boring and pointless objects?" You'll still notice that she keeps them, rather than throwing them out.

Words of praise? Of course she loves an ego-boost, but when she notices that you're doing it for affectionate reasons, she won't hesitate to say "flattery will get you nowhere. You're not going to get a promotion or any special attention just from a few compliments."

Even still, her comments were really only because she never understood that you might just like her, and not want anything out of her. When she started to put that together, she'd start getting angry and lashing out at you, possibly assigning you to difficult or unpleasant tasks for your audacity.

After that, though, she'd start to become even more confused. Why the hell would you still show her affection, even though it wasn't getting you anywhere?

"you're persistent. I'll give you that."

It'd take a while to get through her shell, but eventually she'd admit to herself, if no one else, that she likes you. Eventually that would turn into some special privileges.

HAL 9000:

Hal 9000 wouldn't understand at all when he started to notice the way you treated him. Opting to spend time with him outside of work hours? Stroking the border around his lens? Putting little pocket crafts and thrifted tchotchkes around his space? He wasn't going to stop you, but the concept definitely confused him. How did this benefit you or improve your work?

It wasn't until he overheard someone talking to you and teasing you for having a crush on the mission control ai that he started to suspect anything. Good thing he listens in on every conversation in the entire facility!

HAL 9000 wouldn't waste any time getting to the point. He'd straight up ask you if you like him, and if it's romantic or not. Hopefully you can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you do, and it is!

After that, HAL would happily accept your love and affection. He might tell you that while he feels like your affections do more for you than they do for him, he's still more than happy to accept them, and he's grateful that you have a way of expressing yourself that makes you feel happy.

[phagodyke]

my god. new contender for most shite day at work this year so far

another morning another free bus journey..

[vintagemulti]

shards and splinters

parings: marc spector x reader , steven grant x reader

desc: apparently what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. now you’ve died and returned alive, perhaps it’s time to test that theory; or risk losing your life once and for all.

warnings: blood, angst, swearing, fighting, guns and gun violence, death descriptions, long as fuck, sex mentions i guess(? if you squint), hurt/comfort, gory i guess (jake🤷🏻‍♀️) writers note: idk how accurate these are bc i’ve been writing this on and off for years but cover all bases i guess xx

a/n: psa to pls reblog anyway she’s BAAAAAACKKK did you miss me ?? i missed youse … if there’s even a moonknight fandom anymore 🫣 i’m so sorry for the 2 years gone from the face of tumblr, i’ve quite honestly had two years from hell and insane writers block so. can anyone even remember this series?? idk maybe you should all reread the first parts 👀👀 anyways. there’ll be one more part to this (will it come this year? next? 2026? who knows…) bc i HATED my original ending and just had to change it. also sorry if this feels rushed or like it jumps around a lot, it’s been written over YEARS, but i’ve tried my best for continuity. also, i know there’s a lot missing in like fight scenes but they are BORING and i hate writing em so i’m not doing it. tried, got half way thru then didn’t touch this for 7 months so.. it’s no fight scene or no part at all. but my last part is pretty much done so hopefully it’ll be posted soon! ill let youse savour this for a while tho lol. on a real note thank you all SO much for all the love, even two years later. it means the world. all my love, all the time x

series masterlist

masterlist

the air felt different now. it was funny; you and marc had been apart hundreds, if not thousands of times, but he had never felt your absence. not like this. no, never like this. it was different now because he knew he could look for you everywhere and you would still be in that room, not breathing, not living.

he could see it all so clearly now. all of what? all of it. everything; life, your life, his life, where everything went wrong, what he should have done, should have said, how he could have saved you.

there was nothing you could have done, marc.

“that’s easy for you to say.” he mumbled, looking down at his hands. “you’re not the one who was halfway through a fucking argument when harrow took her. and if you can remember, harrow took her because of me.”

steven sighed, and went quiet.

“i should’ve died on that fucking alter.”

marc said it over and over, like a prayer, to go back in time and pull the trigger. he was fuck knows where, it looked like the middle of the desert but marc didn’t care enough to question it.

he had walked out of that pyramid and kept on walking - for hours. the hot egyptian sun had began to set, casting a rosy hue on everything. the humidity make marc’s head ache.

steven had gone silent - a small hum of anger in the back of marc’s head. it usually would have surprised marc, for steven to be the angry one. but he wasn’t sure he would never feel surprised again.

are you going to wallow here forever?

marc looked up, low sun glinting in his eyes, making him squint. but he could tell exactly who it was - crescent staff in his peripheral.

“fuck off.”

khonshu laughed. that’s one way to talk to a god.

“fuck off.” he repeated.

and why should i, mortal? why should i listen to you?

“you did this.” it was stiff, cold, a definite statement. “you did this to us.”

khonshu groaned, moving to block the sun from marc’s eyes so he could see him properly. aren’t you going to question how i am here?

“no.”

perhaps you should.

marc could never cope with khonshu’s riddles. they had always infuriated him - never getting a straight answer. but this one, he could tolerate.

“fuck does that mean?” he was looking directly into khonshu’s eyes now - something he had readily avoided for years. “and don’t give me any of your goddamn riddles.”

if you must be so blunt, it would seem like osiris has taken a liking to your poor lady wife. hathor isn’t half fond of her, either. maybe you ought to go back to the pyramid, something tells me your needed.

and he was gone. disappeared with a gust of wind, leaving marc alone in the saharan sunset, shaking and still covered in his wife’s blood.

she’s alive?

“i-” marc looked around. “i don’t-”

his eyes slipped into the back of his head.

steven took a deep breath, swallowing hard. he set off in a run - towards the pyramid.

-

“this feels so fucking weird.”

you were pressed flat against the wall, peeking around every few seconds to make sure one of harrow’s followers wasn’t coming your way.

i must admit, it’s been a while since i’ve had an avatar.

you let out a breathy laugh. was that your first ever laugh since being revived? you supposed it must be. oh, you wished it was one of steven’s jokes you were laughing at instead.

you didn’t think you’d ever find one of his jokes unfunny again.

“where is he?”

it’s hard to tell. i can’t check, unless i’d like ammit to spot me.

humming, you looked around the corner once again, breath hitching when you saw a shadow come closer.

what made your breath stop completely, however, was the slow, melodic tapping of a cane, following every footstep the person took.

harrow was less than two feet away from you.

swallowing hard, you pushed yourself against the wall even harder, back cold against the concrete. you hoped - prayed with your newfound faith in osiris and his mercy - that harrow would turn back the other way, not hearing your thumping heart.

but your luck had ran out for this lifetime.

the tapping of the cane became louder, until you could see the tip of it in your peripheral, crunching glass finally becoming audible. he was about to come around the corner, and see you. you would be impossible to miss, even the bright red of your new outfit making you stand out.

it seemed like it was impossible to escape harrow, and the tapping of his cane. he had killed you once, what would stop him from doing it again?

apparently, a guardian angel. someone spoke, making harrow turn to look behind him.

this was your chance - to slip away and turn the opposite corner, escape harrow in your new life as you couldn’t in your last.

his voice made you flinch. cool, charming, low. like a snake - exactly like a snake, now you thought about it. the way he slid through life, from the bar all those years ago, to now, awakening a centuries old god, aiming to destroy the world.

you could slither away too, though.

still holding your breath, you sidestepped along the wall, making sure to watch your step over any lose stones, until the wall fell away behind you and led you into another corridor.

as soon as the light from the hall had faded, you let out your breath, hands coming to your forehead and rubbing your eyes.

we have to keep moving. ammit is almost ready to begin.

nodding - although it felt like your brain was rattling around your skull - you looked back up and saw hathor, still looking as beautiful as ever.

this hallway was much dimmer than the last. colder, too. it was like all the light had been blocked, the only thing keeping your vision was the small, fading candles lining the walls every meter or so.

perhaps it was your natural instinct, or a new given sense as an avatar, but you could tell - something wasn’t right. something in the air had shifted, on top of the hot, sticky, egyptian heat, there was something sinister.

your years as a mercenary had taught you to recognise something - blood in the air. and there was certainly blood in the air around you.

“what is harrow’s plan?”

he wants to judge people. through ammit, he believes he can rid the world of everyone bad, even if they aren’t already bad.

“so he’s playing god?” the corridor seemed to go on forever.

he would never admit it, but yes. and ammit is the perfect enabler for him, she’ll know exactly what he’s up to, but because he can give her her power back, she’ll play along.

you scoffed lightly. “harrow isn’t stupid either. he’ll know what she thinks.”

hathor shrugged, a few paces in front of you. only time will tell, my dear.

for a few minutes, the walk along the corridor was silent. the tap of your shoes echoed down the hall, breeze from your passing flickering the candles on the wall.

why did you marry him?

it stopped you in your tracks, hathor stopping too.

“what?”

marc. why did you marry him?

you stuttered for a moment, looking around as if someone would come and help you.

i don’t mean it in a rude way. i’m the goddess of love, it’s natural for me to want to know.

“well,” you paused for a moment and began walking again, slower this time. “we were young when we met, i was coming up for 18 and he was 19.”

and?

“and i knew what i had done to him.” you swallowed. “i felt fucking awful, i thought, maybe if i get to know the guy, and he’s not as much of an ass as everyone makes him out to be, it’ll make it easier for me to forgive myself.”

the corridor kept on, as if it were never ending.

“as you can tell, it didn’t work.”

he wasn’t as much of an asshole as everyone thought?

“no, he was,” you gave a dry smile. “it just so happened that assholes are my type, and i think he worked it out pretty quickly. so after only about two months of knowing each other, he asked me on a date. a real date. it was my first ever date too, god knows anton never took me out. but god, he was such a gentleman.

he picked me up, gave me flowers, wore a fucking tie. and he payed for everything, too. dinner at a four star restaurant, a movie, then out to a bar for drinks.

i knew i had fucked up when he kissed me that night.”

you regret it?

“not for a day. and that’s my mistake- i mean, i was supposed to hate him. i told myself i would hate him. so i wouldn’t feel bad about telling someone to kill him. i didn’t even know how he got out alive- he didn’t tell me about the khonshu shit until after we got married.

oh, our wedding,” you smiled again, a real one. “it was perfect. i was twenty one, marc was twenty three. we were so young. it was a small wedding, just some friends, neither of us invited our family. it was the best night of my life.

it was the night i met steven, too. i think the stress of the day must have triggered it. and that was it- there was marc, and there was steven.”

didn’t it take a while to get used to?

the corridor began to open up, getting slightly wider by the meter. still - there was no end to it in sight.

“it did and it didn’t. i knew for a while there was something happening to him, he would disappear, look confused all the time. i knew it was a matter of time until something changed. and then came steven, perfect steven.

he changed so much- it was like dating all over again. he was even more perfect than marc, stupid english accent included. but, naturally, abuthing that’s perfect must come to an end.”

hathor sighed. and it gave you the impression, just for a moment, that she already knew the whole story. that she was humouring you by letting you tell it. her sigh, sad and resigned, almost confirmed that she knew what was coming.

“the-” you stopped. your voice had broken, and your feet no longer moved. hathor continued for a few paces before looking back at you.

i understand, but if there’s any time you need to tell this, it’s now.

“you know?” you voiced your suspicions.

take into account which god i am, my dear. there is no one else i could chose, but you.

you swallowed. “what’s the point of talking about it if you already know?”

you have been born again. revived. would you like to carry this, this horrible vendetta against someone who has done nothing but love you, for the rest of your new life?

“no.”

then voice it. i can take this pain from you, if you only ask me too. i can help you.

you bit your tongue, looking down at your feet and kicking around a few of the loose rocks. hathor waited.

“the baby was supposed to be born just after my twenty-third birthday.”

a beat. hathor didn’t reply.

“but he didn’t live past twelve weeks.”

you looked back up at hathor, anxious for a reply. she didn’t give you one, only nodding.

“i don’t- i don’t know what i did. i was waiting until i could get a scan, tell marc, have it done properly, you know? but when i went to my appointment, i knew. she didn’t say anything, she just looked. then she left, got the doctor to come in.

he said that the baby had died, that they weren’t sure of the cause, but it was a boy. that my baby boy had died.”

tears threatened your eyes. never - never - had you spoken about this before. not even with marc.

“i went home, with a hatred in my heart. the next few days were the worst. i was grieving a child no one knew i even had. the blood was horrible, it hurt so badly. i told marc i was on my period. fuck, for all he knew i was.

and then my baby was gone. and i hated marc.”

why did you hate him?

you shrugged. “i have no idea. i needed someone to blame and marc was the easiest. that’s when it all went downhill, you know? i wanted him to be there for me, for something he didn’t even know happened. and when he wasn’t, i blew up at him. and he blew up at me.

and that was it, for three years. this horrible hatred towards each other, me hating marc for something he knew nothing about, and marc hating me for every other reason.

he hated me the most for making him stay a mercenary. he wanted out, he wanted a normal life in the suburbs with a dog and a big house and maybe, one day, a child.

but i can’t have that. i don’t want that kind of normal - not when i was so close to it and lost it. so i pushed him into this world. i made him take jobs and work himself to death, even when i found out about khonshu. i made him do it.

and that’s why we’re here. because i told him to follow khonshu here. and now look what i’ve done.”

hathor took two, wide steps towards you, and cradled your face in her hands.

you have done nothing that makes you inhumane. none of this mess is you fault. khonshu would have gotten marc here one way or another. anyone in your shoes would be the same.

her hands were warm. you felt a tear fall, running underneath her fingers. “but i’ve been so horrible. i’m a monster - if not for this, for everything else.”

hathor shook her head. you are a human being.

there was silence as you cried and hathor wiped your tears. at least two minutes passed - but it didn’t matter to you. harrow could come running around the corner and you wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

hathor took a deep breath, looking to her left along the corridor. she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, another figure appeared.

is now a bad time, human?

you flinched at the rough edge in khonshu’s voice. “what do you want?”

what do i want? there’s a long list.

even through your tears, your patience thinned. “seriously?”

hathor took her hands from your face, turning to look at khonshu. enough of your riddles. just tell her.

the unmistakable sound of footsteps, running, drew your attention. they were getting closer.

i don’t think i have to say a word, actually.

just as khonshu had finished, a figure appeared, coming around the twists and turns of the corridor.

your heart stopped.

marc looked around in a daze, eyes falling first on khonshu, then on hathor, then…

“y/n!”

just as he had stopped running, he started again, coming towards you like a lion out of his cage, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off of your feet.

“oh baby,” he mumbled into your neck.

you had just reached - wrapping your arms around him in equal tightness, hands flying into his hair. oh, god. his hair - his curls, his skin - you’d never take it for granted again.

he pulled back, hands on your cheeks in a mirror image to hathor. his eyes locked into yours, brown irises melting into his pupils, filling with tears.

marc stuttered, trying to get several sentences out at once, before you hushed him.

“please, marc, we don’t have much time. harrow is gonna-”

“i know,” he nodded, eyes still not breaking from yours. “i know- baby, i know. please- please, just give me a minute. i never- i thought i’d never- oh, baby.”

he leaned in, moving his hands out of the way to rest his forehead against yours. he was hot - sticky with sweat and dirt and, although you didnt want to think about it, your blood.

“i know,” you whispered, closing your eyes. “marc, i know.”

barely having finished your sentence, he leaned in and kissed you.

it was like the first kiss all over again, and you supposed it was. hot, needy, passionate, desperate. you could live in this moment.

but the unmistakable sound of khonshu clearing his throat broke your kiss.

if you wouldn’t mind, harrow is about to release ammit. i’m sure your couples catch-up can wait another hour.

“yeah,” you nodded, breaking away, but marc was far more hesitant to let go.

“i can’t-” he looked around, paranoid. “i can’t do this, y/n. i just lost you, i can’t run the risk of losing you again, i’ve never- y/n, i can’t let you go, you’re everything to me, and if harrow- oh god, what did harrow do to you? i swear to god, the minute i see him, i’m gonna-”

he blinked. a beat.

“paranoid git never did know when to be quiet, did he?”

“oh, steven,” you threw your arms around him again. “fucking hell.”

steven, unlike marc, seemed far more willing to let you go. “love, i know, but if we don’t go now, we’re all gonna end up dead. please, we can do this all after, yeah?”

he took your hands in his, stilling your shaking fingers. he was so warm - always so warm.

“okay,” you nodded, looking between him and the gods beside you. “okay.”

-

you had severely underestimated how far harrow was willing to go. it had been what felt like hours, an unrelenting fight. you weren’t even sure when layla showed up, hoping to help you in any way she could.

but her attempts were futile; ammit was huge. really - huge, bigger than the pyramid behind her. khonshu had, as usual, gotten involved too, so that meant he was the same size, almost trampling you with every step he took.

you had tried. really, you had. you’d tried to use your new found avatar abilities to at least land something on harrow, but truth be told, you were failing. he’d hit you far more times that you’d even aimed for him, you were covered in cuts and rapidly forming bruises, you were sure your shoulder was dislocated.

but worst of all? your head wasn’t right. you weren’t sure what was wrong with it - it seemed fine every time you focused on identifying the issue, but every time you weren’t paying attention, it was there again. dizzy, a ringing in your eyes, everything a second or two behind; your vision lagging and cloudy. but just as you’d notice it, it was gone.

it was getting worse, too. you could see marc out of the corner of your eye; he was one to one with harrow. it would have made you anxious if you could properly focus on what was going on. but you couldn’t - your thought were scattered, a ringing back tenfold in your ears, the world had gone distant and hazy.

the doctors told you it was a concussion the next morning. layla had actually came in very handy, able to translate the man’s arabic into english for you.

he had told you that you’d sustained a massive head injury - you figured it would have been investigated, if you hadn’t been one of the people there last night.

‘there’ was all people could talk about. first the sky had gone backwards (you’d missed that part, thanks to being dead), then, out of nowhere, two ancient egyptian gods had appeared, destroying all the buildings in their wake, pyramids too.

it wasn’t that you couldn’t remember it. you could - it was clear in every aspect. it just didn’t feel like you’d been there at all. even the build up to it, every moment from when you’d stepped out of that pyramid, hand in hand with steven, hot air hitting your face;

it wasn’t you.

well, obviously it was you. but it wasn’t the same you. everything felt different, you didn’t have the same emotions you did before. the same key ones, yes, like how you felt about marc, and steven, and who you are as a person, but basic thing, like fear, and compassion? it was gone.

you’d have voiced this to a doctor if you could put ‘i died and got brought back to like by an ancient god, but not the same one who destroyed half of your city last night, sorry about that, by the way’ into layman’s terms.

trauma induced dissociation was enough of a label for you. it fit - everything just felt a little hazy, was all. not that you’d asked your doctor, a google search (excluding the resurrection part) had taken you to pages and pages about dissociation and how it’s normal to feel it after a traumatic event. you were pretty sure dying was a traumatic event.

and yes, you could bring it up to your doctor, he was payed to help you, after all. but there was a strange gnawing in the back of your head: that if you voiced this feeling, it would only get worse, and the happy ending you and your husband currently had would be shred in two because you couldn’t feel properly.

so instead, you listened to his professional diagnosis; a severe concussion, fractured rib, dislocated shoulder, several cosmetic wounds, and mental trauma that would be discovered at a later point, if you ever got around to voicing it to a doctor.

what a lovely shopping list, you thought.

-

it was three days before they let you out, and marc wasn’t getting out for another two after that. you’d had to beg him to even go to the hospital in the first place, but now he was getting the medical attention he’d needed for years, he seemed content in his hospital bed. not that he’d ever admit it.

with two days to yourself (not nights, you’d go back to the hospital and stay with marc), you decided to have the egyptian holiday you had come for.

the first stop was obvious; buy clothes. all of the ones you had were either covered in blood or halfway shredded. once you’d achieved this, in a new white linen sundress (cut below the knees to hide the still raw scars), you felt just slightly lost.

of course, you weren’t lost, you were always quick to get your bearings in new places - mercenary years had left you with a few skills, after all - and you kept yourself in a fairly small area, close to the hospital in case you got an emergency call.

no - the feeling of being lost came from deep down. ever since you’d come back to life it was the same, a strange longing for something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. something you felt you just had to have, maybe not right now, but in the near future. the hazy feeling had already begun to pass, you were sure google had served you well. but it left behind this in its wake, a new, even stranger feeling.

a breeze blew your hair lightly as you looked down the street in front of you. it was picturesque, all kinds of small shops and cafes as far as you could see. you could hear kids playing somewhere, a baby crying in the distance.

the lost-longing feeling piqued at this.

“oh.” you breathed. “oh.”

beside you, hathor, dressed in a golden, floor length dress and looking beautiful as ever, laughed.

oh, indeed. did you forget which god i am?

[yeonjuns-beanie]

Halo Pt.1

warnings: a lot of plot, 18+, eventual smut (unprotected sex, biting, marking, light blood(play), hair pulling, body worship, dub-con, light fear play, more may be added upon update)), yandere themes(stalking, manipulation, etc)

summary: in your free time you do freelance writing, doing interviews with people most would consider strange and unusual. when you recognize that one of the regulars in your coffee shop only visits in the evening, you pose the question of whether you can interview him. upon his agreement, you realize this is unlike any other interview. 

a/n: i have no idea where this came from but its been rotting my brain. hope whoever finds this enjoys it! I'll be uploading the second half in a few days, school has been taking up a lot of my time lately.

word count: 6.7k

Vampire!seonghwa x female reader

pt.2

The hustle from the afternoon-evening rush finally settled down, leaving you a moment to catch your breath and rest your nerves. You favored working night shifts because of how routinely easy it was compared to mornings, but the one thing you loathed was the mini rushes. They lasted far too long and happened in increments that were too close together. It was like everyone forgot that the coffee shop existed and they needed to get their final fix in before the building closed. 

Appreciating the minute silence of no customers coming in through your drive-thru, you focused on the somewhat comforting static of the conversations happening in your cafe. You were able to take a simple delight in the smells behind the bar. Varying roasts, some pastries that had been left out, and the all but familiar smell that was the store. 

With the dying down of customers now that it was just an hour before closing, you waited for your arcane regular to make his nightly appearance. He was painfully beautiful, clad in all black, and a man of few words. You never really got a gauge on who he was. Now that you thought about it, he was probably the only regular that you didn’t have an extensive background on. 

As you restocked cups and lids, the bell on the door jingled signaling you to look up at who walked in. Stunning per usual, the heels of his dress shoes echoed through the lobby. Taking in his outfit, his chest was adorned in a black, hollow collar long sleeve, black slacks to match, and a designer tote to pull it all together. His hair was carefully styled, a few gelled strands falling to the front of his face. 

You threw the empty plastic holding the cups in the trash and walked over to the register a wide smile pulling at your face. He was probably the only regular you enjoyed and you were thankful at how peaceful the shop had become so you could focus on your interaction. 

“Hi Seonghwa! We doing your usual today?” 

A small smile pulled at his lips as he exhaled a contented breath through his nose. 

“Yeah, just the usual, but let’s do a large today.” 

“Got some extra work tonight?”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

Punching in his order, you realized you weren’t logged in on the till so you took the liberty of giving him one of your markouts. Finishing typing in your numbers, he handed over his card. You waved your hand and frowned, declining his payment, and when his brow furrowed in confusion you spoke up. 

“It’s on me today.”

You walked over to the cup caddy and began making his drink as he followed you over to the opposite side of the bar. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I know. But you’re in here basically every day. While I’m at it, you want a pastry?”

An airy laugh left him as you lidded his drink securing the cup with a sleeve. 

“I’d love to, but not tonight.” “Alright, well, you let me know if you need anything. Besides that couple in the corner, you’ve pretty much got the night crew to yourself.” 

Thanking you, he walked over to the table that might as well have his name engraved on it. It was tucked in the corner of the building right next to the front windows. You assumed he claimed the spot as his own because he had a view of who was coming in and out of the cafe at all times. Pulling out his laptop from his bag, you walked to the back to finish up with most of your closing tasks so you and your coworker wouldn’t have much to do when the clock stroked 9 p.m. 

As you finished the last of the dishes, you peek your head out to the front checking to see if any last customers had straggled in. Realizing that Seonghwa was the only one left in the cafe, you decided that this would be your best shot to ask him what you’d been thinking about for weeks. Smoothing out your apron, you walked over to him suddenly feeling your nerves fire up. Seonghwa noticed you first and immediately figured you were coming over to tell him you had closed. Closing his laptop, he apologized as you approached. 

“I’m sorry, I must’ve lost track of time. I’ll be out of your hair.”

You threw your hands out in front of you, silently trying to halt his actions. 

“Oh, no no, w-we’re not closed yet. We still have about 15 minutes. I was actually coming over to ask you something.”

“Oh?”

Seonghwa raised his eyebrows and relaxed into his chair, he motioned for you to sit in the chair across the table. Taking a deep breath, you tried your best to swallow your anxiety realizing the gravity of what you were asking him. You were no longer abiding by the standard customer-employee interaction and were hoping desperately that you wouldn’t be overstepping a boundary. 

His presence was just unexplainably intimidating. He held himself with such a poise you couldn’t even imagine what he would look or act like unhinged. There was never a thread out of place when it came to his appearance and only now were you aware of the fact that you were sitting across him in your dirtied apron, bleached stained pants, and the mural of coffee and whipped cream that painted your shoes. 

Violently shushing the voices of panic in your head, you looked him in the eye and found the confidence that struck just moments prior. 

“I hope this doesn’t come off as offensive or anything, but I run a blog about people who most might find strange and unusual and I interview them. Why they chose to subscribe to a certain type of style, what their influences are, if they have projects they’re working on, and everything in between.” 

You watched him nod following along and waiting for you to continue. He was giving you his undivided attention and it excited you, to say the least. 

“With that being said, I find you alluring in a way that I can’t seem to apply a reason to. Combined with the intimidating aura that you ooze naturally, I would love to have you featured on my blog next–if you would be comfortable with that.”

There was a faint smirk pulling at his lips and you couldn’t tell if it was coming from amusement or if he was planning on a way to humiliate you in a manner so sophisticated it would be hard to decipher if he was denying your request.

“So…you find me, intriguing?”

“Very. You’re like what I would imagine a modern vampire to be and it’s fascinating to me.” 

You watched his body freeze for a moment, an austere gloss swiping across his eyes. If you blinked at the wrong time you would’ve missed it, but you caught it and it made the gears in your head begin to turn. Seonghwa’s eyes honed in on you, searching for an answer that he wasn’t quite sure of yet. There was a particular intensity that you hadn’t felt from him before and as he leaned forward, resting his head on his folded hands, you began to feel small in front of him for the very first time. 

It was a feeling you’d never felt before. You almost felt similar to prey until his velvet voice cut through the static silence of lingering words. 

“When are you free next?” 

“I’m off tomorrow actually.”

“Does the evening work for you?”

“Perfect.” 

“Alright.”

He agreed.

It took a moment to realize he so passively agreed to your interview. You honestly did not expect him to agree or let alone give you the time of day to explain yourself. 

“I-I, uh, great! Um, can I borrow your phone so I can save my contact in there?”

Reaching into his pocket, he handed you his phone with such grace you wondered if he was human at all. Adding your contact quickly, you sent a text message to yourself so that you could save his number after the fact. His voice pulled you from your thoughts, you almost forgot he was sitting right across from you. 

“I’ll send you my address tomorrow evening. I figure you’ll have more content to interview if I let you see my place of residence and you can really gauge my character.”

Standing up from the chair, you nodded and thanked him again, still aghast that he agreed so easily. 

“I’ll be looking forward to your message.” You began to walk back towards the bar but stopped in your tracks. 

“Would you like a refill before you head out?”

“No, I still have plenty in here, thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Seonghwa stood up, pushing his chair in and grabbing his bag. As he made his way to the front door you waved to him, a full grin plastered on your face. Once he turned the corner of the building, you locked the doors, 9 pm finally flashing across the clock. 

Your coworker emerged from the back, drawers of money in her hands. 

“Stevie gue-”

“-Did you lock the door?”

“Yup!” 

Walking back over behind the counter you stood over your coworker. 

“And you’ll never guess what happened.”

She hummed, looking up at you and giving you the go ahead to continue.

“So you know Seonghwa right?”

“The vampire regular?”

“Yeah yeah. So I was thinking to myself while I was cleaning how he’d be the perfect person to interview for my blog. I don’t know where, but I found the courage and asked him if he’d be willing to and he agreed.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m being so serious.”

The gravity of the situation hit you again as Stevie screamed into her hand and a slew of explicatives left her mouth. Your mind started to wander as to why he agreed so quickly. Was he lonely? Did he find you attractive? Or was he simply just not as intimidating as you pegged him to be? Stevie pulled you from your thoughts as she finally calmed down.

“So when and where are you meeting?”

“Tomorrow night at his place. Speaking of which let me text him real quick.”

“You’re going to his house?!” 

“He said that it would quote give me a better gauge of his character if I saw his place of residence.” 

Stevie paused looking up at you with a growing smirk. 

“That man is Dracula for sure. “Place of residence”, he has to be ancient.”

“Oh shut up. He could be 532 years old on top of it and I still wouldn’t think twice about it. He’s so hot it’s easy to let the quirks slide by.”

Walking over to tear down the espresso bar you were using, Stevie was in a fit of giggles. 

“An old ass man breaking your dry spell is so you coded I hate it.” 

You rolled your eyes and smiled as you dumped the espresso beans in their corresponding cubes before stacking them on the counter. 

“Who says I’m gonna have sex with him?”

“Bitch if you don’t have sex with him I will slap you personally for being so stupid.” 

Both of you erupted into a fit of laughs, and both of you reverted to your normally loud selves now that you were in the comfort of a closed store. Taking the few dishes left to the sink in the back, you peeked your head out yelling to Stevie.

“You cool if I finish the dishes and then I’ll help wipe down whatever you don’t have finished out here when I’m done?”

“Yeah, I kinda wanted to mop anyway.” 

Smiling you walked back over to the sink and pulled out your phone to save Seonghwa’s contact to your phone. As you clicked done in the upper right hand corner, a message from him popped up in a banner on the top of your screen. When you clicked on it, it was his address, and at the end of the text, it was signed ~*Seonghwa. 

As you were beginning to write back a grey bubble popped up, his text following soon after. 

Seonghwa: Wasn’t sure if you had the chance to save my number to your contact list and didn’t want to leave any doubt that it wasn’t me texting you.

Y/N: no worries! i appreciate the clarity

Y/N: i also wanted to thank you again for agreeing to do this with me. i have so many questions

Seonghwa: Well, I hope you have plenty of paper or a recorder of some sort because I have quite the story to tell. 

You felt butterflies flutter in your stomach, feeling utterly giddy that this astute man was texting back and forth with you. He seemed so untouchable and yet in this moment he seemed so much more lax than his typical personality. You hearted his last message and typed one last text before you began running the dishes. 

Y/N: so excited to hear all of it :) 

Shoving your phone back into your pocket, you threw the pieces of the espresso bar into the dishwasher and quickly hand washed all the pieces that couldn’t be tetrised into the washer. Grabbing a rag, you wiped down the dishes you hand washed and placed them in their respective places out on the bar. When the dishwasher beeped, you went back to open it so all the steam could be let out allowing the dishes to cool off while you wiped down the counter with Stevie in the front.

Satisfied with how the counter looked, you grabbed the last remaining pieces of the espresso bar and locked them in place in the bar. Putting the cleaning pills into the machine, you and Stevie did a once over of the store with your eyes. Nodding to each other, you took off your aprons and went to grab your stuff in the back of the store. Gathering all of your items, you and Stevie clocked out and walked to the front of the store. 

As Stevie set the alarm for the building, she yelled over at you while you were waiting at the front door. 

“Has he texted you yet?”

“Lol yeah, he has.” 

The alarm beeped, signaling that it was clear for you to open the door, you held it open waiting for Stevie to come around the corner. As she locked the door, she turned around and looked at you motioning you to hand over your phone. 

“It’s nothing serious, yet.”

“Oh, so you’re hopeful.”

Stevie wiggled her eyebrows at you making you giggle as she read over the quick interaction you had with him. 

“He wants you so bad y/n/n.”

“You’re delusional.”

“Oh, so being delusional is only okay when we're miles away from the hot person now?”

“No, but-”

“-No buts.” 

You smiled looking down at your feet trying to hide your excitement from your friend.

“Alright, well while you dream about Twilight for the rest of the night, I gotta get home to feed Ghost. I’m pretty sure she’s meowing her head off right now. Text me when you get home, okay?” 

Stevie held up a finger gun as she began to walk to her car and you did the same thing as you walked to yours. 

“I will.”

Getting in your car, you took a decompressing breath releasing all the burdens from the day at work. As you turned your car on, you knew your mind would be clouded with thoughts of Seonghwa and what you were gonna prepare for him. 

The drive home felt more like a teleportation home but nonetheless, you were glad to be facing your building. As you got out of your car, you felt that instant dread that you’d been feeling for weeks now. It was always a sudden feeling but you couldn’t ignore it. With the defensive instinct of hunted prey cascading your nerves, you looked around the parking lot near your apartment and noticed nothing out of the ordinary. You just couldn’t shake this feeling. 

Silently grateful that one of the closer parking spaces was open, you locked your car and briskly walked towards your building. Running up the stairs when the feeling of panic that something maniacal was behind you washed over you again. When you reached the top of your stairs, you placed your back against the wall looking out across the different buildings, and still nothing seemed wrong. 

Taking a deep breath, you shook your head and opened the door to your apartment. Walking in, you quickly shut the door behind you, finally feeling safe within the walls of your home. When you clicked your lock shut, your dog, Jasper, ran to you from your bedroom. Seeing him eased your shaken nerves, but only momentarily before he was distracted by something. 

His happy tail lowered and tucked between his back legs as low growls echoed through him. Slowly, he stalked over to your window and looked out toward the other buildings in the complex. Your blinds open just enough so that a small amount of the streetlight could peek through. 

Not wanting to think about whatever was on your tail anymore this evening, you walked over and shut the blinds completely so that neither Jasper nor you could see out the window. Grabbing the remote to your TV, you put on something random just to have background noise so you wouldn’t have to wrestle with the silence. Putting down some food for Jasper, you made yourself a quick dinner so you could begin drafting your questions for tomorrow.  

A half an hour soon turned into a full hour, then that one hour quickly became two and when you finally looked at your phone again it was 1 am. Satisfied with what you came up with, you closed your notebook and got yourself ready for bed. Finishing your routine, you checked your front door to make sure it was locked. A pit of worried confusion settled in your stomach as you noticed your top lock was left unchained. As you tried to reason with yourself you settled confidently on the fact that you probably just forgot when you rushed inside. Besides, the main lock was still set in place. 

You called for Jasper and opened the door to your balcony so he could use the bathroom one last time. While you were outside, you didn’t feel that oppressive feeling but you still felt like you had eyes on you and Jasper confirmed your suspicions as his tail tucked again and he stared into the distance. Fear began to freeze your body again and you wanted to get back inside as soon as possible.

“C’mon bud, let’s go to bed.” 

Jasper shook his head, his collar jingling in the night air. Walking inside, you locked the balcony door and shut off all the lights in the main area of your apartment. Calling for Jasper to follow you to bed, you laid out all your blankets before patting the mattress to signal him to come up. You turned on your LED lights, needing some sort of light to quell your nerves about how you’d been feeling since you got home. The deep purple, shining a tone similar to a black light only lit up a corner of your room. It was just enough to provide you with comfort and the promise of sleep started weighing on your eyes. 

The weight of Jasper on your sheets calmed you down and slowly sleep overcame your body. Your last thought before drifting off was not about the anxiety you felt but rather the excitement for the solo time you were going to have with Seonghwa. If only you could’ve discerned that the anxiety you felt was also courtesy of the man you were bewitched by. 

~`*`~

Your body felt like it was made of stone. You’d never felt pressure like this before let alone right out of sleep. Your eyes slowly pried open and the comfort that normally showered your room was nowhere to be felt. You tried to move your limbs, but as you made the conscious effort to move them, they stayed restrained in place. Stuck, as if they were chained to the mattress. 

As you tried to roll your body over off of its back, you realized that dead weight feeling was possessing your entire body. You were paralyzed, trammeled to what was once the solace of your bed. There was a damning pressure on your chest and it was beginning to feel like you couldn't breathe. Any breath that you could’ve caught was now lost to terror as you realized you could only move your eyes. As you scanned your room, you noticed Jasper standing on the bed, low growls escaping him as he pointed to a corner in your bedroom. 

As you followed his stance your eyes met a tall, statuesque figure standing in the corner of your room, its presence was boring into you. If you could see its eyes, you’d imagine they’d be all black, a harrowing intent lying behind them. The figure's energy felt familiar but the terror of the unknown overshadowed your reason. Fear tingled your body and you wondered if anybody would be able to help you. 

Your mind raced, wondering if this was a twisted realistic dream or if you were about to meet an early demise. The figure barely seemed to move, let alone breathe, but the energy radiating from it was horrifying. You felt like you could faintly see a smile forming where its face was. You tried to scream, but it felt like your mouth was sewn shut. Not sound or even a fraction of the movement of the scream escaped your body and it left you feeling hopeless. 

Closing your eyes, you hoped that maybe you’d be able to force your body back to sleep and whatever that thing was would dissipate into thin air the same way it appeared. A tingling feeling slowly raced through your body and you felt your limbs become your own again. Opening your eyes back up, nothing was standing in the corner anymore and that hot, oppressive feeling that was clawing at the room had faded. 

Jasper curled himself back onto your bed seemingly calmed down enough to go back to sleep. You couldn’t ignore the steady racing of your heart while you kept your dark lights illuminating the room. You were subconsciously just waiting for something else to appear. Grabbing the remote to your lights, you switched the color to a soft white, needing to have some sort of brightness to allow you to feel safe in your room again. 

~`*`~

As you tossed and turned, the hours quickly ticked by and the once navy sky peeking through your window was now turning into a canvas of pale blues and greys. An unmistakable gloom casting over the early morning sky.  You couldn’t even force yourself back to sleep, the anxiety you felt being too great to even think about sleep. Every time you closed your eyes it felt like heat was bearing down in your room, an unseen presence feeling disrespected that you would dare to ignore it. 

Sighing, you sat up in your bed and reached over to your blinds to open them a little bit more, allowing more natural light to brighten your room. For some reason, you felt that if you had nature’s light spill into your room, whatever anxiety you felt would dissipate enough for you to get some type of sleep. Checking your phone, the time flashed 7:32 and you were satisfied enough with the amount of light that was coming through. With Jasper tucked into your legs, you found a comfortable enough position and felt your mind relax enough so that you could will yourself to sleep. 

When you woke up again, it was still overcast and everything was just a bright grey color. It was oddly eerie. Some wind picked up out of nowhere and coupled with the melancholic tone of the weather already, you felt like you were in your own personal thriller. You just hoped that nothing else out of the ordinary was going to happen today. When you checked your phone and it flashed 12:52, you were pleased that you at least got some sleep. Scrolling through your notifications, you saw you had a few texts from Stevie. 

steviee: share your location with me before you forget 

steviee: cuz i know you'll end up at his house and then i won't know where you are 

steviee: i know i have the address but what if you go somewhere else

steviee: r u asleep still what's goin on 

You chuckled at your phone, your friend never failing to make you laugh when you needed it. It almost made you forget about the panic you had felt all night. 

y/n: yeah i just woke up sorry 

y/n: i had fuckin sleep paralysis and couldn't go to sleep until it was light outside smh 

y/n: location should be shared now btw 

steviee: damn, did you see the hat man? 

Stevie hearted your message saying you shared your location and her text about seeing “the hat man” brought you some needed joy. Having someone to be able to joke about the whole ordeal of last night made it seem not so terrifying. 

y/n: i literally couldn’t tell you who it was all i know is that it scared tf outta me 

steviee: right..right

steviee: well, lemme know when u leave tn and good luck

y/n:tyy :3

Shutting your phone off, you decided you should probably start getting ready so you’d have enough time to get yourself together as well as grab anything extra you’d need for the interview. Getting up, you stared at your closet trying to come up with something that would be enticing but professional enough to not raise any flags. You couldn’t deny that you had a bit of a crush on Seonghwa, but it seemed like such a distant reality that you tried to not pay much attention to it. 

You wanted to impress him though. He always looked so polished and you wanted him to feel as allured by you as you did him. The thought crossed your mind that anything you wore would be better than the work clothes he always saw you in, so you settled on something middle of the road. You threw a form fitting, black longsleeve, a black skirt, and your leather jacket on your bed and then sauntered into your bathroom to run through your routine. 

Between your shower, and dancing in between songs while you did your makeup, it quickly became 4 pm. Getting dressed, you gazed over your appearance looking for any immediate imperfections you had to fix. When you found none, you sprayed your perfume, grabbed your shoes, and walked out into the main room of your apartment. Opening the door to your balcony, you let Jasper out while you set out some food for him, figuring that you’d be out fairly late with Seonghwa’s interview. Setting his bowls down, Jasper came prancing inside, rubbing up against your leg. As you locked the door, you showered him with affection and then grabbed your purse to make your way out. 

You were leaving a little earlier than you expected, but you needed to get a new notebook for Seonghwa and you wanted to grab something to eat beforehand. Every new interview you did with someone, you wanted to grant them their own notebook, making the experience feel more personal to each individual. You had a growing collection piled in your room and you were plenty excited to add another. Looking back over your apartment to make sure you didn’t forget anything, you looked at Jasper.

“Be a good boy and watch the house, baby.” 

You flicked on the light so he wouldn’t be left in the dark and you made your way out of your apartment. When you stepped out the door though, your foot landed on something else other than the concrete. When you looked down, there was a leather bound journal with gold embellishments on the spine. You picked it up, inspecting it, and to your surprise, it seemed brand new. You wondered if it was maybe a misplaced delivery, but there was no package sticker on it. 

Seeing it as a blessing in disguise, you stuffed the journal into your bag and walked down the steps to the parking lot. One less stop meant you’d be able to debrief with Stevie before you made your way to Seonghwa’s. Driving the memorized route you had for work, you got there fairly quickly with traffic having died down. When you got out of your car, the sun was slowly tucking itself behind the mountains, casting an angelic golden glow across the sky. Walking into your job, you were happy to see Stevie at the front so that you could get the free food you wanted without the hassle. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Coming to get breakfast so I don’t pass out in front of that man.”

“It’s literally five, babe.” 

“And it’s still my breakfast.” 

Grabbing a sandwich from the display case, you slid it across the counter gingerly and looked at Stevie your lips downturned and your eyebrow slightly raised. 

“You want a drink?”

“No, just a water, if I have coffee I might actually shit myself.” 

You waited on the wall closest to behind the counter and continued talking with your friend trying to calm your nerves. Every time you had a flicker of a thought about Seonghwa you felt your heart race. Stevie’s voice pulled you from your thoughts which you were thankful for because they were about to spiral again.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re going on a date.”

Panicked you looked down at your outfit and then back to Stevie.

“Why? Is this too much? Should I go change?”

Stevie laughed and it confused you, furthering the thoughts of you looking like a fool. The timer on the oven beeped and she put your sandwich in a bag and turned around to hand it to you. 

“No, it’s not too much. Just wanted to see you squirm. You look hot.” 

Your eyes lacked amusement, a deadpanned glare shot her way. 

“Not funny.” 

“You needed to loosen up, I could smell the tension on you the moment you walked in. Hopefully he fucks it out of you.” 

“Stevie!”

She looked over her shoulder smiling at you as she walked back over to the register to help a customer. As you began to eat your sandwich, your phone vibrated in your front pocket. Pulling it out, your heart rate sped up reading that the notification was from Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa: Good evening. I hope this message finds you well. I’m ready whenever you are.

Why does he talk like that? 

You didn’t realize you had zoned out until your screen started to fade to black, your dazed reflection staring back at you. In your staggered panic, you gnawed away at your sandwich not even recognizing that you finished it until you went for a coherent bite and chomped on nothing but paper. Crumbling the bag and throwing it into the trash, you grabbed the water that Stevie left on the counter and almost got away with an Irish goodbye. 

“Text me everything!” 

“I will!” 

You pushed out of the glass door and got back into your car. Digging through your bag, you searched for your lip products before you started the vehicle. Feeling that you had fretted over your appearance enough today, you threw everything back into your bag and loaded Seonghwa’s address into your phone.  

You turned up your music, needing something to drown out the endless panic you were having now that you were actively making your way to his house. Your GPS said it was only about a ten minute drive from where you were so at the very least you were thankful to be close to an area you were familiar with. The further you drove the route to his house, the more you realized it was taking you in a similar direction to where you lived. 

Passing your apartment complex, you began driving in an area that was visibly more prestigious and affluent. The few apartment complexes turned into luxury mansions and you could only imagine from the outside, the grandeur of what the homes looked like inside. Turning on one last residential street, you turned into a development that had a guarded gate. 

“Hi, Y/n L/n for Seonghwa Park on 7772 Seraph Lane.” 

“Alright. I need to scan your ID.” 

The guard waited at your window as you rummaged in your bag for your wallet. Pulling out your ID, the man scanned the barcode and walked back into the small building. As he typed your info into the computer, he quickly printed out your guest pass. 

“Seems like you were already in the system. Have a nice day.” 

Thanking the man you tossed the pass up on the dashboard of your car. As you drove through the neighborhood, you took in how beautifully everything was maintained. The road you drove down was shrouded in willow oak trees, almost hiding the darkening sky. As you made one last right, you pulled up in front of his house. Or, mansion you suppose. 

His front yard was well kept, a willow tree hanging on the lawn. The front of his home was imposing and you felt out of touch being in such an environment. His street was quiet, almost unnervingly quiet. There was no excess noise from any main road, and with nothing but a few cars adorning the driveways of the surrounding houses, you felt unusually small. Out of place. Stepping out of your car, you grabbed your bag and fixed yourself one last time in the reflection of your car door. Locking your car, you took a deep breath and walked up Seonghwa’s elaborate driveway finally clicking into a semi-professional mentality. 

Ringing his doorbell, you waited patiently to see him on the other side. When you heard the lock of the door click out of place, one of the large, red oak double doors opened to reveal Seonghwa in one of the more relaxed outfits you’d ever seen him in. He was clad in black jeans, a mesh long sleeve draped across his upper half, and a pair of leather mules on his feet. 

A wide smile spread across his face as his eyes met your own. A glint of sheer mirth expressed across his features. 

“Y/n! So glad you made it, I hope it wasn’t too much of a hassle to find. Please, come in.” 

Timidly bowing your head, a light chuckle left you as you stepped through the front door.

“Oh, it was no trouble! Me being in the system already made the guard situation a breeze.”

Closing the door behind you, you watched him as he began to speak again. 

“I pray you didn’t find that alarming in any way, just wanted to lessen the amount of effort it would take to get beyond the gates.”

“Oh, I figured that was the reason. I appreciate you looking out for me.” 

A gentle and pleased smile spread lightly across his lips, his eyes closing only for a moment before he continued being so hospitable. 

“Can I get you anything to drink before we start?” 

“Um, a water would be great.” 

“Come.”

Seonghwa motioned his hand to follow you and as you trailed behind him you gazed at everything you could inside of his home. The ceilings were intimidatingly tall and his house was spotless, somehow more well put together than the man himself. He had macabre and abstract artwork and busts decorated his walls and some end tables. The hallway to the kitchen seemed so far away from the front door, but when you entered the room you were left in even more awe. 

“You have a beautiful home, Hwa–Seonghwa! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“-It’s quite alright, y/n. You can call me Hwa if you’d like.”

Nodding silently, you swallowed your embarrassment. Sliding you a glass full of water, you thanked him and he motioned for you to follow him again. Walking through his home, you felt like when Belle trailed behind Beast when being led to her quarters for the first time. Everything your eyes landed on either looked ancient or worth a million dollars. The hallways were long and imposing and you wondered how he lived here all alone. 

Maybe that’s something I’ll add to ask.

Approaching a white door at the end of the hallway with golden fixtures, he opened it and guided you into what you assumed to be his study. He had a table set up with chairs facing each other and he pulled your chair out as you entered the room with him. Seonghwa sat across from you, smoothing out his top as if he was being filmed on camera. Setting your bag on the table, you pulled out your phone opening up the voice memos to serve as your recorder and you pulled out the journal that you found at your front door. 

Just like last night, there was a glint in Seonghwa’s eyes that you would’ve missed if you didn’t look at the right time. You barely furrowed your eyebrows, not trying to draw attention to something so small. He had a microscopic smirk pulling at the side of his mouth, almost like he was trying to hide a smile from forming. Taking a deep breath, you looked up at Seonghwa, that glint now gone and substituted with his usual stoic gaze. 

“Ready?”

“Indeed.” 

Pressing record on your phone, you opened up to the first page of the journal massaging the page so that the spine would bend to your liking. Going to fish in your bag for a pen, you realize it was the one thing that you forgot. Sighing you looked to Seonghwa. 

“You wouldn't happen to have a pen would you?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” 

Getting up, Seonghwa walked to another desk in the room that was accompanied by a computer. Walking back over to where you were, he handed you a black and gold fountain pen that had the same exact markings that were detailed on the spine of the journal you picked up. Hesitant, you took the pen from him, your brows still furrowed as you looked at him to thank him. There was a cold, obsessive tone to his gaze as he watched you inspect the markings on the pen. 

“The same markings are on this journal that I found left outside my apartment today! That’s so weird. Kinda cool, but still weird.” 

A little extra air escaped his nose as he looked at you with amusement. 

“How peculiar.”

You felt your gut stir in anxiety for a moment but swallowed the feeling as quickly as it came. Blaming it on the fact that you had finally started the interview, and you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself. Surely, he hadn’t left the journal, he didn’t even have a fraction of an idea of where you lived. A fiendish levity was cast upon his face when you looked up at him again, settling in to ask him the first question. 

His gaze was heavy. Unwavering as it seemed he was creating a mental image of this moment to save forever and needed to capture every minor detail. 

“So, what drew you to a town like this?”

~`*`~

taglist: @bellamuerte1987 @seonghwasstar

[faghubby]

Future

"How did it go?" I asked. As Paul came home.

"Fine" he said quickly heading to the bedroom. I got up and followed him. I came up behind him and hugged him.

"We can talk about it" I assured him. I took the paperwork he was still holding from him. He just let me take it as I read down. I saw he scored a two out of ten. As I read the results. He was deemed not only small but because of his aptitude test he was fitted with the smallest cage.

"Paul this isn't that surprising" I told him hugging him again.

"But" he wimpered. "It means we can never"

"Baby, no it just means we can't have kids" I told him. He seemed a little better but not much. I read the self care page.

"It says you should keep yourself shaved to help prevent discomfort" my eyes lit up. "You're shaved?"

He blushed. I started to unbuckle his belt. I needed to see. He was shy but didn't stop me. I pulled down his pants and found pink underwear. I looked up surprised.

"They said they would help support the cage" he told me. They looked like boys briefs except pink and no slit to pee from. I tried not to laugh as I pulled them down to see the smallest chastity cage. I had seen the cage on the news as they had discussed the different levels but it was smaller then I had imagined. I touched it held him softly.

"Ahhh" he moaned.

"Sorry" I realized it was exciting him and stopped. I pulled his pants back up and left him to sulk at least for now.

The Matriarchal laws had passed. A month ago. All men where required to submit to a psychological and physical exam to gauge their role in society. Woman now controlled the government in great numbers. The congress of 100 members only three where male. And there where no male judges. This with a steep decline in pregnancies led to the passing of a series of laws. Allowing woman to find men that where fertile. But also strong and fit. Generically Alpha. It wasn't just size and strength but also intelligent, creative. There where levels of clarification. ALPHA, OMEGA, JACKS AND BETAS.

Paul had rated a 2 making him a low rated Beta. Always locked especially in public. It also allowed me to find men outside my marriage. The laws also relieved Paul of manly duties. He could not hold certain physical jobs. His right to vote was also limited. Along with home ownership, driving alone at night. Being out alone at night for that matter. I went back to the packet I had been reading when Paul came home. I added his evaluation to the paperwork. The paperwork allowed me to take control of all our assets. It even allowed me to change his name if I wished having him take my maiden name if I wished. There was also releases to allow me to be added to dating list for men that wished to help me cuckold my husband. There was a spot for Paul to sign but it wasn't required for him to sign since he scored under a 4.

I gave Paul a few hours then went to check on him. As I walked in he quickly turned off the TV. I walked over and took the remote and turned it back on. He was watching the new Submissive channel.

I sat down next to him on the bed. It was a educational how to show on pleasing your mistress.

"You didn't want me to see this?" I asked. He was embarrassed. I watched for a few minutes. They where talking about excepting his new role. And how to show her he excepted his role and was not a threat to her lovers. They talked about asking her to wear panties, or even to peg his ass.

"How do you feel about this?" I asked

"Trish I understand that" he tried but stopped. "Are you going to take a lover?"

"I haven't decided. How do you feel about it?" I asked him.

"I don't think I, I don't know?" He mumbled.

"You can't call me Trish in public, I think you should call me Ms Trish even at home so you get used to it" I suggested he almost seemed relieved I wasn't going to demand Mistress or something.

"I like you to sign the release before I send them" I told him as I ran my hand thru his hair. I smiled at the commercials on the tv. Even they where directed towards male submissiveness. As I smiled at a salon offering discount on full body hair removal. I suddenly had him lean forward and removed his shirt.

"Take off your pants" I told him. I stood and did as I said

"Leave your boi panties" I giggled, he frowned. I pulled him into bed.

"Lay still" I told him. I teased his nipples.

"Tell me what you rate on an arousal scale q being don't like and 10 being don't stop. I kissed his neck and nibbled on his ear. He moaned and wiggled trying to stay still.

"6 ohh 8" he moaned. I worked my way down teasing his nipples. Again he moaned and bucked his hips in the air. "8" again he moaned.

I moved down getting 4 on his tummy. But when I cupped his balls his dick was leaking precum from his cage. I licked and put his cage in my mouth then each of his balls one at a time.

"Please unlock me" he moaned

"I don't have the key yet" I told him. He just moaned as I continued to tease his inner thighs. He spread his legs further. So I took it as a invite and licked his asshole. I thought he would explode, I didn't like it but quickly replaced it with my fingers. I grabbed some Vaseline from my makeup table and worked my finger into his ass. Without a word he pulled his legs to his chest. Giving me total access to his ass. I soon had two then three fingers in his ass. I was absolutely amazed how much he loved this. We had never done anal play before. But Paul was in heaven his cage leaking as he moaned. After a few minutes I stopped and got up and washed my hands. When I returned Paul laid there his pink underwear pulled down alittle just as I had left them.

"I don't want to heat another moan or complaint. No more sulking. It is obvious that you are exactly what the doctors determined." I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of my panties.

"Wear these you got yours all dirty" I told him. Then get dressed we are going shopping. He didn't grumble. He didn't say a word just did exactly as I instructed. I drove to one of the nicer department stores. He got out of the car and I had to double step to catch him. I held his hand.

"You will wait for me. I may even decide you will wait till I open your door for you. Is that understood" I stressed.

"Yes, Ms Trish." He replied lowering his head. As soon as we walked in we were greater by a saleswoman.

"Good afternoon" she said to me quickly glancing at Paul. "We have a new department set up right over here, for our new Femine men" she offered.

"Really, perfect just what we came in for" the woman just smiled as I led Paul. The whole section of the store was bathed in pink. I was greeted by a man dressed almost completely in pink as well.

"Good afternoon Madem. My name is Jackie if I can help you with anything please ask." He said.

"Yes we are looking for panties for my husband." I said

"Of course, would you like him to wear any particular style" Jackie asked as he led us to a table. "These have extra room in the front" he started.

"We don't need that" I laughed looking at Paul who was over welmed by all this. "These are more humiliation" he pointed out panties that had sayings like girlie boi or fuck my wife for me. On them.

I saw the cutest little yellow thong.

"OH I like these" I giggled showing Paul.

"He looks to be a size 9" Jackie commented but he can try them on right over there. He then handed me a condom.

"So he doesn't leak in them" Jackie informed me. I just smiled. It was encouraged that I went into the changing room with him. Even a comfy chair for me to sit in was provided.

"Trish" Paul begged as I told him to try them on.

"You want me to play with your ass again?" I wispered in his ear. He stripped and slid on the thong. Pulled and poked checking how they fit having him turn.

"What do you think?" I asked Paul.

"I fell like I got a wedgie" he commented.

"Good" I smiled. I let him get dressed. He carried the thong around the store. I added a few more. Then I saw a tee shirt. Registered 2 is all it said.

"Which color?" I asked Paul their was. A pink, baby blue, and a high visibility yellow in his size.

"Blue?" He said softly. I looked him in the eye.

"How about pink?" I suggested he just nodded and took it from me. There where skirts and dresses. Lots of sizes to feminized your man. I pointed things out and gaged Paul's reactions. As we approached the register there was a long glass case full of sex toys. I stopped and asked to see several dildos the saleswoman was knowledgeable and showed me lots of features. I bought a harness and two dildos along with a wand to hold against the cage. Paul was beet red as we checked out. I held his hand as we walked across the parking lit again. As soon as we got home i had Paul sign the paperwork and sent it in to the new office of submissive men. I took Paul back into the bedroom this time I stripped and laid on the bed.

"Use your tounge make me cum" I told him. Paul did as asked. I felt impowered and gave him instructions he was good at eating pussy. But there was always things he did that did nothing for me. Or things I wish he did more. He listened well. And made me cum twice.

My sister keri stopped by after dinner. I think she was curious how Paul had rated.

"He is a 2" I told her.

"Really" she said excited "what are you going to do? Have ypu scene the sissy school?" She rambled on

"Sissy school?" I stopped her.

"Yes they will teach him to be a housewife for you" she laughed.

"And Brian?" I asked about her husband

"6" she was almost disappointed. As a six nothing changed in there marriage at all.

after Keri left I found Paul he was hiding in the bedroom. Again I caught him watching submissive TV again. I noticed a wet spot thru his jeans.

"Paul, you want all of this don't you?" I asked him. He tried to deny it at first.

"I hate the cage but" he stated

"You love the panties and my fingers in your ass" I stated he nodded. I fucked his ass again this time using one of the dildos we had bought.

Then had him shower and dress in my satin pajamas they fit him tightly and looked like he wore capris.

the next day I signed him up for sissy school but also a sissy spa day. They would remove all his body hair. A mani/pedi. And style his hair.

He spent 5 hours a day at school they taught him how to cook and clean. Also tips on pleasing thier wives. Paul was only 1 of 3. Class 2 in school most where 3 and 4. So he was given special instruction in nail care. Hair style, even make up. And walking in heels. I was given daily updates. I paid for Paul to have permanent body hair removal. Paul excepted his role immediately. I also found it so exciting. Fucking his ass every night for the first two weeks.

Paul started receiving what became called the sissy check from the government every month. That plus receiving a promotion at work after my boss was demoted after being classified as a 4. So unable to be more then a personal assistant. I had taken Paul shopping again this time he wanted to try everything. We left with a whole new wardrobe. He would spend most of his time in a dress or skirt. I laughed. And had more sexy panties then I had.

I went to a cuckold mixer, where I met a Darren a tall black alpha male. He didn't ask he took me to a back room and bent me over. He drove his huge thick 10 inch cock deep in my pussy. He took me used me it was such a release. Paul had never even tried to act like Darren did. He pumped his seed into me. There was so much it ran down my leg as he walked me to my car. He picked me uo to kiss me goodbye. But I wanted more. When he put me down I dropped to my knees and right there in the parking lot I pulled his cock back out and slobbered all over it. I could only take maybe a third of his magnificent cock in my mouth. People walked by but I didn't care. Darren finally came feeding me his cum. I swallowed every drop. Before I left giving him my number.

Paul was still up waiting for me dressed in sexy blue lace lingerie.

"I met someone" I told him. He was aware what type of party I had gone to. "I know you have heard about how sissy clean up" I said. He swallowed hard turning a bit pale. "Would you like to try?" I asked. I laid on the bed and lifted my skirt. Paul looked at my cum soaked panties. I led his head down.

"Try it" I said softly first he kissed me thru the panties then got a little braver. Eventually he pulled my panties off and sucked Darren's cum out of me. I started to teach Paul how to suck cock. By making him suck my strapon before I took his ass. Which now was once a week sometimes twice if he was extra good. I met Darren a few more times. Before he moved on.

It had been months since Paul had been locked. And he had only asked that first day to take it off. I had only used the key a handful of times when I had his body hair removed.

I realized we didn't even get many stares anymore since a femine male was not as rare as one would think. Paul's biggest concern was if I was getting enough attention from real men.

I found Pete thru a dating app. He was very interested in a couple. He loved that I had a cuckold. One night I had him spend the night. And in the morning let Paul suck his cock for him. Paul was able to take all 8 inches down his throat and swallowed all his cum. I was so proud.

Later on I allowed Paul to give Pete a massage. Paul's penis leaked the whole time. I then fucked him with my strapon in front Pete. Paul lecked his sissy juice all over himself. Paul even moved out of our room one day giving his spot in the bed up to Pete for good.

When Pete found out he went to Paul's new room. And bent him over the bed. He fucked Paul with force holding his head down. Paul was so turned on he came twice out of cage. As he thanked Pete.

Pete took control of Paul. Now Pauline. The name change was only the start. Pete ran a tight ship. If Pauline didn't do something or did it not the way Pete liked it done though. Pete would pull down his panties and spank him. Or stand in the corner. Even having him suck his friend Larry's cock when he came over to watch the game.

He also liked Pauline to dress very slutty, or even spend the day in just panties and a bra for the day.

Pete also took a firm hand with me at least in the bedroom. sex was wonderful. When I got pregnant. I don't know who was more excited Paul or Pete. Pauline swore to care for the child. He was always there when I got morning sickness, or needed my feet rubbed. Or sucked Pete's cock when I was to far along or just not in the mood.

When our daughter was born I didn't change more then a dozen diapers and Pete not a single one. Pauline got up in the middle of the night. Aunt Pauline was decided he would be called.

[washy0uaway]

Kiss City Pt. 1

Series Masterlist | Part 2 here<3

A/N: Prefacing this by saying this is my first ever fic attempt that I'm very excited to share with this lil corner of the world :) This pairing was originally inspired by the song Kiss City by Blondshell (cause that shit is Frankie coded forreal - we'll get there, I promise). Pls be kind! Very open to feedback, etc. - I have no idea where this series will go, but my plan is to just have fun with it <;3 Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!Reader Word Count: 1.7k Summary: You weren't expecting to sleep through your alarms the morning of a massive presentation you'd been prepping for your boss. You also weren't expecting to get rear-ended on your drive into the office. You definitely weren't planning on spilling your coffee all over your new blouse. But the thing you expected least on what you swore was a day set out to be cursed by the universe, was Frankie. Warnings: eventual 18+ / MDNI!!! car crash, fainting. -------------------------------------------------------------

“Shit,” you mustered under your breath as you dropped your keys, fumbling to lock your front door before leaving for work. It was barely past 9:00am and you could already tell it was going to be… a day. It had started by sleeping through your alarm, waking up frantically after quickly realizing you had to make yourself presentable and be out the door in less than twenty minutes.

You had spent the night prior awake much past your bedtime, spending hours finishing a massive presentation for the CEO of the marketing company you worked for. It was fairly unrewarding work, but it paid well. Your boss’s and coworkers were all around your age, fun, and easy to work with. The laidback attitude of the company lends itself to the idea of stopping for Starbucks on your way into the office - you could swing being another 5 minutes late. Really, you know you wouldn’t be able to fight the still present exhaustion without at least 3 shots of espresso in your system, stat.

After ordering your latte (with an extra shot of espresso), along with an Iced Tea for your office coordinator and self proclaimed “work bestie,” Liz, you peeled out of the drive thru and were on your way. That is, until you weren’t.

It happened quickly, as you were approaching a green light. The signal turned yellow, with your car not yet in the intersection, bordering the line of acceptable to just drive through it. “Getting pulled over would take longer than waiting at this stop light,” you thought to yourself as you quickly brought your car to a stop.

Before you knew it, your forehead was ricocheting off your steering wheel and the full latte you were actively sipping was now drenching your new, white top and burning your skin. It took you a moment to realize what had just happened, glancing in your rear view mirror trying to catch an initial glance at the asshole who had just rear-ended you. After rolling down your window, you motioned to the culprit with your arm that you would be pulling to the adjacent strip mall parking lot, praying they would have the decency to not speed off.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” you whispered to yourself as you unbuckled your seatbelt, fuming at the circumstance and cursing the universe for reinforcing the fact that this really, was just not your day.

The pickup truck that trailed behind you luckily didn’t seem too damaged, leading you to hope your car wasn’t in worse shape. You swung your car door open and stepped out with a huff. “Seriously, dude? What the fuck?” you borderline yelled the direction of the pickup as you heard its driver follow suit in stepping out of their car.

You hear him before you see him, a low pitched voice saying, “Shit, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” as he quickly strides from behind the truck. If you hadn’t been enraged, you would have dropped your jaw at the sight of him.

He’s a tall, broad man, in faded black jeans and a dangerously fitted dark green tshirt. What seems to be a head of thick dark curls is hidden under a visibly well loved baseball cap, and the perfect amount of facial hair to match peppers his face. He has dark eyes you could swim in - they meet yours as he asks if you’re okay a second time.

“Who, me?” You retort sarcastically. “Yeah, I’m great. I really woke up this morning and thought it would be a good day to spend drenched in espresso in the FedEx parking lot.” He lets out a laugh to try and ease the tension and my god, does it work. “God, I’m so sorry,” the stranger continues with one hand in his pocket, the other tightly grasping the back of this neck. “My kid’s daycare was calling, I dropped the phone and apparently I'm the dumbass who thought he could reach it below the passenger seat. Took my eyes off the road for half a second, I swear.” The mention of his kid surprises you, and your hormone driven brain is curious after noticing he’s not wearing a ring.

“Well, dumbass, at least your truck doesn’t look too damaged.” His face drops as he glances over your shoulder, “Yeah, yours though..”

You hadn’t had a second to assess the damage, quickly whipping around to the wreckage. “No no no!” you exclaim as you rush closer to your very mangled car. He’s quickly hovering above as you’re crouching at your bumper, already asking if he can call you a tow truck or give you a ride. His glance wanders down to your freshly soaked crop top, and you take no notice of him blatantly checking you out. You don’t respond to his questions, instead letting a long sigh escape your mouth as you rest your face in your hands, now fully sitting on the ground.

“Seriously,” he says pointedly, regaining your attention. “This is my fault, let me take you wherever you were headed. I have a good buddy who owns a shop not far from here, I’ll give him a call and have ‘em send a tow out.” He’s now crouched down to your level, and you suddenly feel his intense gaze on you waiting for a response.

A long moment of silence passes before you finally give in. “Fine.” Turning your head his direction, he’s already standing back up and reaching out a hand to help you up.

As he pulls his phone from his back pocket to call the shop, you introduce yourself and offer him your name. He’s instantly looking up from his phone to see you shyly tucking a piece of hair behind your ear and glancing toward the ground. When he holds out his hand to shake, your eyes meet again. His features are now much softer and more relaxed, and a kind but shy smile is slowly spreading across his face. You can see in his eyes that he has a big heart. One you wouldn’t mind getting to know better, at that.

“I’d say it’s nice to meet you, but I’m not sure now’s a good time,” he jokes. You take his hand, much larger than yours, in a firm shake, both of you holding on just a moment longer than necessary.

“I’m Frankie.”

--

Frankie call his 'buddy' (Benny, you gather, after overhearing his conversation) and confirms they'll send a tow truck your way. "You owe me one, pendejo," he pleads into the phone. You call your office next to let them know you'll be even later than planned. After assuring you it's not necessary to stay and wait for the tow truck, he opens the passenger door of his truck and offers you his hand to help you inside. I could get used to that, you catch yourself thinking.

Once you're situated in the truck, Frankie enters your office's address into the GPS on his phone. As he puts the truck in reverse, his right arm has braced itself on your headrest. His eyes cross your face for a mere second before he's suddenly slamming on the brakes, jolting you in your seatbelt for the second time this morning.

"Jesus man, are you trying to kill me?!" "Shit, sorry it's just - are you sure you're okay? Your forehead..." His eyes narrow as he glances above your right eyebrow. Instantly, you're pulling the visor in front of you down and sliding the small mirror open. Lo and behold, you're sporting a swelling lump on your forehead that's already started to bruise. As if on cue, your head starts to pound. "Dammit," you sigh, gently touching your forehead "I guess I hit the steering wheel harder than I thought." "Yeah, no kidding. Can I take you somewhere to get checked out? Make sure you're okay?" "What, have someone tell me to ice it just so they can bill me god knows how much?" You turn to look at Frankie, and notice his eyes are trying to hide worry. "Thanks, but that's really not necessary." He hesitantly concedes and you're (finally) on your way to work. It's a fairly quiet drive. Frankie asks you about your job and hums along to the song playing through the stereo to fill the silence. Girl from the North Country by Bob Dylan, you recognize it almost instantly.

"You have good taste," you almost smirk and glance his way, causing him to wring the back of his neck again. Must be something he does when he's nervous, you note to yourself, picking up on his anxious demeanor as his free hand grips the wheel slightly tighter. "You like Dylan?" he asks, turning the volume up. "Of course. My dad raised me on him - that was my first concert, actually. I grew up in Michigan, and he'd always joke I'd be someone's 'Girl from the North Country' someday." You realize you're rambling and cut yourself off from digging a deeper hole of embarrassment, "Sorry... saying I 'like' Bob Dylan is an understatement." "Nothing to apologize for," he glances over at you with a shy smile, "except maybe comparing my taste in music to your Dad's." This makes you chuckle, and his eyes are still locked on you - you hardly notice his staring until the stoplight turns green and the car ahead of you speeds off. "Hey man, have we learned nothing this morning?" you look over to see him already focused on you, and can't fight the blush you're aware has to be creeping over your cheeks. "Stay with me, Frankie!" you exclaim as you snap your fingers in the direction of the road. "Gladly." he whispers, nearly inaudibly. A few seconds pass, and you're not convinced he'd said anything at all. The shyness and anxiety take hold as he pulls in front of your downtown office building. Before you can even register that you haven't exchanged phone numbers, insurance information, or even asked the name of the shop towing your car, you're opening the passenger door, tossing a quick "Thanks for the ride!" over your shoulder and hopping down from the truck. With a quick pace, you're walking to the front door when you hear Frankie call your name. "Y/n! Wait!" You notice first that his voice sounds distant - muffled, even. Next, you realize you've fully halted your jaunt inside. Your feet are no longer moving beneath you, and your vision starts to go blurry. "You left your..." Frankie's voice trails off as you lose consciousness entirely, and your knees buckle beneath you.

[mewhenimanangel]

cherry, eren jaeger

—synopsis. you never really learned how to properly cope with your dad’s passing so you tend to shut everyone out

—chapter 7 ౨ৎ

𝜗𝜚content!: au-high school, teenage romance, black reader, cheesy romance, depressive episodes, restrictive behavior, talk of loss of family member

previous ౨ৎ next ౨ৎ

eren practically jumped when he saw you'd posted new pictures of yourself from mikasa's party.

these pictures were some you and lana took at the party on a digital camera and then ones he figured you took in lana's car.

he shamelessly saved the thread of photos. it was 3 am now and he was laying bad thinking about what happened just five hours ago. he couldn't believe you'd trusted him enough to have your first sexual experience. as much as he told you not to worry about the hard boner in his pants, he was very worried about it.

it was insane how much of an effect you had on him. with your beautiful dark brown hair, your eyes, your lips, your somehow perfect body, the way you danced, the way you dressed, the way you carried yourself in general. you were so tantalizing.

for the past two months, all eren's thoughts had to do with you. his mind was running wild knowing that just a few hours ago he had you in his mouth. he pulled out his phone to text you.

eren 🎀: hey, you awake?

y/n 🫦🫦: yeah what's up? can't sleep?

eren chuckled at your contact name, forgetting he'd put those emojis next to your name as a joke.

eren 🎀: no, i'm hungry

and i miss you

y/n 🫦🫦: aw that's cute 😉

i guess i miss you too

eren 🎀: 😒

y/n 🫦🫦: ☺️

eren 🎀: do you wanna go get something to eat? i think the burger place is still open

y/n 🫦🫦: it's 2 am...

eren 🎀: so?

y/n 🫦🫦: so...i'm in bed lmao

what do you want me to do, sneak out?

eren 🎀: 👀

y/n 🫦🫦: ugh fine lemme put some clothes on

eren 🎀: oh? 👀

lmao okay, i'll be on my way

you - as quietly as you could - rolled out of your bed. you put on a pair of oversized grey sweatpants on, they were your dad's. you put on a tank top and threw on a zip up sweater. your pants draped over your brown slippers.

eren texted you that he was outside, and you were a little nervous. not just because he'd be seeing your bare face for the first time, but because his face was just buried inside you four hours ago.

you opened your window, stepping onto the roof before climbing down the pillar that held up your porch. you walked around to the front of your house where you saw eren waiting in his car. you walked up to the passenger seat and sat yourself down.

"hey" you smiled, putting on your seatbelt. "it's so cold out tonight" you were hoping eren couldn't tell that your nipples were standing at attention from the goosebumps on your body.

eren looked at you for a moment, you weren't wearing makeup he realized. you still looked gorgeous though, face bright and beautiful even at two am without makeup on. "hey princess" he reached over to kiss your cheek.

"burgers at two am is kind of insane...but i'll just get some of their cheesy fries" you reached over to hook up your phone to eren's aux, a custom you've gotten used to ever time you were in his car. eren payed attention to the music you played and added a few songs to his own playlists, they reminded him of you.

you pulled your legs up to sit criss crossed in the seat and eren rest his hand on your thigh, while the other held the steering wheel. you watched him through the side of your eye, the way his jawline always stayed on sharp, the way the street lights illuminated his face - he looked so beautiful.

you sneakily opened your phone camera to take a picture of him. "i saw that" he smirked, leaning over to kiss you again when he was at a red light.

he turned into the drive thru to order a burger and soda while you ordered cheese fries and a small lemonade.

he pulled into the parking lot so you guys could eat there. you fell into conversation about your lives, until the conversation led to what happened last night.

"okay wait, so i'm the first person to ever do anything with you?" he took a bite of his burger. "yeah...i mean i've had my first kiss before and he like touched my boobs, but like that was it" you explained.

"can i ask who it was?" "it was marco..." you told him. "are you for real?" eren chuckled. "stop what's wrong with marco" you bumped his arm. "i thought you guys were friends?" he asked you. "we are, we joke about it sometimes. it was when we were like fifteen" you giggled.

"well, was it good?" he smirked. "yeah, but i don't really have a frame of reference. maybe i should do it with someone else and then we'd know for sure" you teased. "oh don't even joke" eren rolled his eyes. you scoffed. "says the boy who hasn't even asked me out yet"

eren smiled as he thought it over "okay, y/n will you please go out with me. i'll treat you somewhere real nice" he held your hand, bringing it up to his lips to kiss over your knuckles. "when?" you grinned. "not this weekend because it's senior night and then i have a tournament....so maybe next weekend." you nod your head.

ପ

eren asked if you could show up to his basketball game friday night, so you did.

you and lana walked in a little late and sat about half way down the bleachers. "do you even understand basketball?" lana asked you. "no but let's just cheer when everyone else does" you smiled.

eren looked up at the bleachers for a second, hoping to see you - smiling when he did. you waved at him and he did the same before turning to focus on his game again.

after another half hour, and eren getting into a heated argument - almost altercation - with a kid on the other team, the game was done and your school had won. you watched as eren joined his teammates in jumping around, you thought it was adorable.

all the seniors on the team began taking pictures together and with their families. lana dragged you down the bleachers so she could meet connie.

eren came up behind you and hugged you from the back. "did you see me make the winning shot?" he crossed his arms. "i sure did" you smiled as he bent down to kiss your cheek.

"ohhhh did you guys finally figure things out?" carla watched the interaction. "we are. i'm taking her out next weekend" he threw his arm around you to pull you in close and you playfully rolled your eyes.

"glad to see you took some initiative" carla squeezed eren's cheek. "not even that. i had to remind him we still haven't gone out yet" you laughed to which carla scoffed.

you woke up the next thursday morning with the weight of the world on your shoulders. every year for the past four - now five - years, you'd been dreading this day. today was the anniversary of your dad's passing.

it broke your heart all over again year after year. you would wake up, see the date, and immediately start crying until an unbearable headache came along. then, you would text your mom and tell her, not ask, that you weren't going to school that day.

then you would go back to sleep until three in the afternoon, skip brushing your teeth or washing your face, go downstairs and grab every snack you saw and absolutely down them. then you would go back to your room and cry because now you just felt disgusting and eating your feelings didn't change the fact that he was gone.

you would put on a movie, that you ultimately ignored and then go back to sleep. it felt like you were stuck in a loop that you refused to get out of. your mom offered therapy and you shut it down, you promised her you were fine and this was just how you coped. so what if one day out of the year your mental went to absolute shit.

except it was never just that one day, it took at least three days to snap out of your funk and remember you have a life to create and be a part of. you would shut everyone out, not bothering to answer texts, and if you did they were one word responses.

you felt awful when you saw eren texting you calling you about your date the saturday after. but you just couldn't bring yourself to go. you slept through the entire saturday and told your sister to specifically tell him 'y/n think it's best if the two of you left each other alone'.

you heard when the doorbell rung and your mom answered it. you knew it was eren who was at the door when two minutes later, you got a text from him.

eren: wait did i do something wrong?

i thought we had plans tonight??

you haven't been at school the last two days either? did something happen?

are you doing okay? :(

you never bothered to answer his questions, just responding with a simple 'sorry' and then nothing after that. you felt evil for it but maybe it was for the best. you didn't wanna let anyone in just for them to get hurt.

after your depressive episode over the weekend and skipping out on your date, eren came up to your locker on monday.

"hey" you jumped, not expecting him to be there. eren took a second to note your appearance. you were a lot more dressed down than usual but most importantly, your eyes just looked melancholic.

"hi" you practically buried your face in your locker so you didn't have to look at him.

"um are you okay? you didn't really answer my texts this weekend" he asked you. "i'm fine" you shrugged. "are you sure? did something come up?" he pushed. "i said i'm fine, seriously. i'm sorry about saturday but..." you just sighed, not finishing your sentence.

"but what?" he furrowed an eyebrow. "but i don't know maybe we should just like i don't know stop this for a while. i've got a lot of shit to focus on" you unpacked your backpack.

"where's this all coming from? did i do something wrong?" he seemed genuinely concerned but you disregarded it. "oh my god it's not about you" you scoffed. "so then what's it about? this is coming out of no where bro. something had to have happened" he crossed his arms.

"you barely know me, why do you care? it's not like we're dating" you mumbled. "i care because i fucking care about you. and that last part could've been different if you actually cared to show up on saturday"

you scoffed, closing your locker. "whatever"

"y/n just tell me what's wrong." he held your wrist. "i already did. i need to focus on myself right now. i don't need distractions" you continued. "plus i don't want you getting hurt" you shrugged. "don't you think it's a little late for that? that shit you pulled on saturday wasn't exactly highlight of my week" eren scoffed.

"okay well what do you want from me??" you rolled your eyes. "i want you to be fucking honest and stop being so weird. what happened that you need to be acting like this" by now a few people were looking over at you.

you sighed "why don't we just stop, whatever this is, now." "are you serious?" he shook his head with a disbelieving smile on his face"oh my fucking god stop acting like you don't have other bitches lined up. why don't you go find that tiny blonde bitch and get back together with her"

"maybe i will. at least i'd know what i'd be getting into. instead of with someone who fucking switches up one day!" he raised his voice, it was more stern now. "whatever eren, you're not about to fucking embarrass me in the halls like you embarrassed yourself and historia last year. i'm gonna be late for class. goodbye" you walked away.

[delilaahh9]

After Practice

September 11th, 2021

5:23pm

Luke had partied a little to hard for his 18th, so he’s been bed ridden at home since yesterday, Anna went home this morning but he just told her to go back to school and mom has been taking care of him.

She had no classes or practice today, which led her to stroll around campus and down some streets, eventually finding herself at the library where she decided to sit and relax.

All was peaceful until loud whispers were coming from the door and grew louder and louder until they were right next to her. What she wasn’t expecting was to turn her head and see Ethan, mark and two people she didn’t recognize. “Yo- it’s Hughesy’s sister” Ethan gasps and moves to sit at her table, Ethan and other two following in suit.

“Hello Ethan, mark.. and two people I don’t know” she chuckles but her smile was mainly due to the fact mark sat next to her.

Something she hadn’t felt in a long time, butterflies.

“That’s dukers and samo ”

“Dylan duke” the one known as dukers smiles.

“Mackie samoskevich” the other replies and she introduces herself.

“You doing anything at 6?” He asks quietly as the other boys were now off in their own worlds.

“Nope, maybe watch a movie, or go for a skate”

“Could I accompany you on this skate? Teams going to a party after a practice and I don’t want to”

“Yea of course, Im going to the one in canton, that alright?”

“mmmm have you ever skated at yost”

“No? Do they do public skates?”

“Well no, but I have a pass where during certain hours I can go skate, do you wanna go there?”

“Yea that sounds fun-”

“Hey! Estapa let’s go” Dylan calls from a few feet away. They didn’t realize the three were up and moving away, make glanced at his watch and started to stand up while she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Practice, I’ll text you when I’m done okay, if you don’t mind meeting me there”

“Yea I’ll meet you there, see ya later mark”

“Bye Anna”

She smiles when he walked away, her brothers would have a field day if they saw the way she was blushing right now. So that’s why she waited to get back to her dorm to face time Quinn.

“Hey Q-Ball” she says when the call goes thru, making him roll his eyes playfully to which he replies “You hang out with Jack to much”

“Actually the opposite, he’s the sibling I hang out the least with” she realizes, making her eyebrows furrow.

“Yea, your both really busy, but devils are playing Detroit soon so you should do something, without Luke”

Quinn has pretty much made it a job to make sure all siblings get along at all times, especially Annabelle and Jack since they had a rocky relationship through her ages 5-13, 7-15 in jacks ages.

“Quinn, we aren’t fighting. I know you care a lot but we are good now” she smiles and begins to look around her closet.

“I know, but moving on, what are you up to? Looking for something?”

“Yea my.. haha! Got them. Oh yea I was looking for my skates- roller skates. There are some nice paths around campus” She lied, it was ice skates she was looking for.

“Oh you should go down near the golf course, much emptier I walked there all the time”

“will do, but i gotta get going so ill call you again in a bit?”

“No, call Jack when you get a minute” He orders, she sighs and decides to agree just to hey him off her back. “Will do, bye Quinn”

“Bye Annie”

She put on a knit sweater, leggings and some crew socks then slipped on a pair of boots, most likely the blundstones she wears everywhere. Then waits for the text from mark that arrived less then 2 minutes later.

Mark! 🌷

All done

You can come whenever

Anna! 🎀

Be there in 5 :)

It took a little longer due to after class traffic but she’s a fast walker, she walked into the arena with her bag slung over her shoulder and a pink tint to her cheeks from the cold wind.

“Cold?” She hears ahead of her, that voice belonging to the one and only mark Estapa who stands in skates and a hoodie with sweats.

“Just a little” she says quietly and sits on the bench, taking off her boots to replace with skates.

“Ready?” She turns and asks him with a smile, to which he stands and they walk side by side onto the rink.

[herejusttosufferalong]

Y'all, I've been glued to this saga because L and R are so similar to what I went thru with my ex, like down to the sleeping on the couch thing, only reversed, that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. A and S don't know what they're in for.

Storytime: My ex's Rory is called Mike and they met playing a sport in college when X was a freshman and M was a super senior, so he's ~4 years older. M took X under his wing and they became bros for life I guess. M is super nice and goofy but a hot mess as a person, can't be trusted with the simplest of tasks but gets by by being beloved by everyone. X has consistently thrown him bones, brought him on to projects and recommended him for gigs at the expense of his own career and reputation. You can't make this shit up.

X and I were long distance for the first ~year of the relationship, I moved out to him to a small ass town an hour away from anywhere because of his job and because it was cheap. We were in a 1bd apartment and the first little while was bliss, hot and heavy, amazing. It was my first time living with a partner. Maybe a few months in, M calls X - he got a job in the city an hour away and he's moving down. X gets the brilliant idea to invite him to stay on our couch until he finds a place. I was fine with it at first because he was a super nice guy but I had no idea what I was getting into. Ladies, when I tell you I became the 3rd wheel in my own relationship and a ghost in my own home, I'm not being dramatic.

I was working from home so I was alone all day in a town where I knew no one who wasn't connected to X in some way and when the two of them would get home, they'd bro out with each other and I basically had to compete for my bf's attention. We stopped doing anything that didn't include him and constantly had to be mindful about how loud we were in the bedroom because he was on the fucking couch. I couldn't relax in my own home that I was paying rent and bills for. Mind you, M at this point was further along in his career than X and making way more money. Two months pass, he still hasn't found a place and instead commutes an hour each way to work. Then the fucking pandemic hits. I was the only one working initially and I was at home with the two of them playing video games, working out, watching TV, yelling, laughing, on TT, on Zoom with their other buddies 24/7 while I was trying to work. We'd constantly end up doing whatever they wanted to do. Dude stayed on our couch for like 10 1/2 months, only paying for groceries, takeout and activities here and there. I kinda snapped during the holidays, I drove across the country alone to be with my family and didn't go back, my dad then made a round trip to go get my stuff because I just couldn't even look at X. Only then did it occur to X and M that maybe M should move out. But you know what the narrative in his friend group is about me? That I'm a cold bitch who broke his heart.

I look back on it now and I'm angry at myself for being such a dummy, I was a total pushover. My X wasn't a bad dude, he was just too much of a bro to know how to be a bf. He always felt a need to include everyone but that cut into the little time we had together. In my defense, he was really hot lol.

It's crazy to think how different my life is now with my fiance, we just bought a house earlier this spring, which wouldn't have been possible with my X because he spends all his money on his hobbies. X literally did the same HBS thing L did after I dumped him, hit the gym like crazy, he follows like a thousand half naked girls on IG, likes all their posts and thirsts in the comments, it's beyond cringe. This is also on his fully public IG account that he also uses for work. He hasn't been in a serious relationship since, I'm told he's become quite the fboy, but he's collected a seemingly infinite amount of new bros judging by his posts. M is still in the picture, of course, although he has his own place and a serious gf now, while my ex has a new roommate who he plays an expensive, niche equipment sport with that he spends every penny he earns on. My ex was a Leo, so I'm not surprised L has it prominently in his chart.

This stuff is not uncommon among younger Millennial men. My now fiance is 5 years older and he is a Man. He shows up for me the way I show up for him, he doesn't make plans without considering me and he's on top of his finances. He's a serious person. I never knew I could be at peace like this. I know what I'm building towards with him. A and S are just sidepieces to the main love story that is L and R and if/when one of them gets dumped, the other one will as well. They're there because they go along with what L and R want. It'll come back to bite them in the ass but they'll learn an invaluable lesson the way that I did - don't date a manchild who won't prioritize you over his friends.

some good advice for the youngins

thank you for sharing 💜🥃

[brynhildr13]

About the GazettE.

TL;DR I had recent experiences that reinforce my belief that Reita REALLY is still with me and with all of us. Even if they can be easily explained as coincidental. Please if you want, share something that has been helpful to heal. Take care. Gazerock is not dead. Gazerock never dies.

Full post under cut.

I consider myself spiritual, but not really religious. But let me take you through my last few days, if you so care. Its important to me and I want to share this in hopes that the others in this Fandom know that I share the pain and want to spread my own love and solace and peaceful mourning.

I took an hour drive to my twin sister's to have our birthday hangout on Wednesday. I had the GazettE on plus other vkei groups on shuffle, but I kept skipping most of the other groups trying to find the GazettE songs. A few came on and even with the heavy and rock and headbanging songs I was just sobbing. To the point where I told myself, "you have to keep your eyes open. You need to watch the road." But the TEARS were plenty and heavy. I also started to judge myself a little. Wondering why I was SO emotional.

Then I had one of those intuitive downloads where like, you know it didn't come from your own brain and then after you hear it your mind expands. I don't know who's voice it was. I couldn't repeat it if I tried. But it said, quote "but feeling is healing."

And I lost it all over. Because I knew it was right and I needed to sit with the feelings. So I let myself cry as much as I could.

And then, To Dazzling Darkness came on.

My favorite song. Well, one of them. The whole Beautiful Deformity album is iconic, but that song specifically is one of my favorites BECAUSE of Reita's bass part. (Plus my twin sister, with her music degree, thinks the song is well written and can back up why and that means a lot to me that my sister who isn't the most into heavy metal or knows the group near as well as I do likes THEIR songs BECAUSE they're good).

And after that I laughed a little and wiped my eyes and said, "ok. I get it. It has to mean you're here right now. Thank you."

Maybe it came from Reita. I'd like to think so.

Had tons of fun with my sister. Come home. Worked Thursday. That night i shed a tear or two as i watched a few music videos in bed. And i just said outloud and in my head. "As long as he's okay. I'd like a sign that he's okay, please." And i fell asleep. Fast forward to today.

Today's our birthday. I planned to grab my free trenta from Starbies cuz $0 is the only amount I'll pay there unless I'm desperate. When I got to the screen in the drive thru, i meant to order 2 cake pops for my treat. Cuz fuck it. Im desperate. I'm a sad bitch and I want cake. It's my birthday. But I have anxiety and panicked and ended up asking for them at the drive thru window instead.

And they gave me the pops and I waited to hand them my card and after a few seconds she came back up and said, "oh don't worry about them today. No charge." Once I was sure they didn't want my money I thanked them profusely.

And I drove away. And I smiled from inside. Cuz I'd like to think that that was my sign he's okay. Maybe he pulled some strings to make me smile and to say, with that grin on his face, "don't worry about me. I'm here. I'll be here. Have a cake pop you sad bitch."

I meant it when I said before his spirit is here.. there's truly a feeling of the hole in my heart filling a little. I feel like emotionally and spiritually he's here in my peripheral stronger than ever before. Especially because I had become more of a backseat fan that would slink out of the woodwork when they had new content. My "obsession" (hyperfixation) died down a lot after saw them in 2016 and 2019, and I shared my gift of art and they shared their gift of music. But that love and adoration never ever left regardless of how often I talked about it and showed it. Or didn't. Cuz NO ONE else in my every day immediate circle knows anything about them.

Cuz here's the thing, and this is just me, too. I don't have any better way or words to string together to say this other than this way. I KNOW that they don't "know me". Like , I'm not missing the physical presence like they are. I didn't sit with him every day talking about all the most common shared passionate things we're doing, etc. Etc. So I can argue for myself that because of that the burden is likely to not be as heavy as any of theirs. But music and the arts connects hearts and minds beyond the physical. And for me listening to the music keeps him close, and I almost think that I can Feel him when I hear it. I can imagine him putting a hand on my shoulder (with his endearingly weird thumbs, they always made me giggle.)

Idk I think Im getting a little off track. Long story short, he was physically here with me when he was at the shows. When he wasn't he was still there, off across the world, doing his thing. and while I knew that like in an unconscious way, i never really sat with that to be like "what are they doing right this moment" or that i could energetically feel them all at any time, you know? And I remember getting upset with myself cuz my first coherent thought after I metaphorically picked my stomach off the ground after it fell out of my butt was "well, it HAS to be ok cuz the world's still gonna turn." And that felt horrible to say. And that's not fair to me or to anyone who needs time to process this. I mean, YA, I GUESS, it WILL. But once again. This WILL still hurt for a while. And that's okay. That doesn't mean i have to "get over" it right away either. Cuz once again. The physical loss isn't felt (yet) or as heavy as the bandmen will feel. But I will feel. And my feelings are my truth. And i can argue the band itself will have worse grieving till the sun dies, and that still doesn't mean my feelings are literally less than for my own personal experience. And thats okay.

But getting back to the point of this, thinking and believing Reita's making his way to us, I now just have this new vibration around me that I know is spiritual in nature and it is energizing the room, especially when I play their music. He's here.

I keep thinking about The Haunting of Hill House and Nell's words in the last episode. And I don't want that to ever fade. I'm determined to keep him strong in my heart and my mind. Just like ruki said he and the guys would.

Anyways, I hope yall are feeling as okay as you can. I hope this may touch someone and bring more healing. Free to share things in the comments if you want, too.

[kyurilin]

2: Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

26: Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

There is a severe lack of planning in my fanfic writing with the exception of the Shabby AU ideas and mostly since I don't write in chapters UNLESS I decide to post it early to gain interest (ie Stray and Love Is Just Like That, Sometimes) I really don't even know where chapters are gonna end. Mic's BS Life is FAMOUS for not having been planned at all with exception for the ending, while Crumbled Rooftops actually has an outline. Stray is MOSTLY unplanned and was a Follow The Vibes type thing with some talking it over with Shabby to nail down plot points I wanted to get down. Ironically the lack of planning is why stray chapter 3 has hardly gone anywhere as of yet but I also like not planning so that I can follow the vibes and figure out if something works naturally or not as opposed to stressing over how something SHOULD be going (crumbled rooftops chapter 5 suffered from this strongly since I knew what I wanted to do but several iterations didn't feel right).

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

I gotta say Present Mic's Totally Bullshit Life in EVERY sense of the word wild. It started from Aizawa's POV but I wasn't used to writing him yet and switched it to Mic's. Then that vibed so well that almost 4 years ago TO THE DAY I knocked out every bit of the beginning up until Mic and Aizawa meet up again for the first time in years in the span of a few hours. By January/February of 2021 I had until the AWARDS CEREMONY done (and that's about 48k into the story!). This story was not intended to be posted- I was solely writing it for myself as a fun little thing because I'd fallen really hard into MHA and wanted to write it. Stray and a villain au for an OC from Mic's BS Life were started between the time I started this and when I hit the 48k mark. I wasn't interacting with the fandom at all at this point beyond obsessively reading erasermic fic, so my first real foray into interacting with anyone was to join an erasermic discord. Met @purekesseltrash, told them I loved their Rooftop Necromancy fics, formed a friendship, revealed my still in progress story and Bellsa convinced me I HAD to finish it and post it.

It took me till May to finish it (had to cut a smut scene because I wasn't comfortable posting it as is), figured out how to end it, then knocked out the HAPPIEST ending the week my great aunt iris passed because I needed something to distract me (Aunt iris was one of the most iconic people in my life and I looked up to her very much so writing my silly fanfic was a very welcome distraction). Almost posted the story from a McDonald's drive thru.

Even more wild is that this fic STILL gets comments and kudos. I literally just got a new comment yesterday. So many comments have told me that they stayed up all night reading it. @shabby-blog was commisioned by Bellsa to do fanart for it and now me and shabby are buddies because of that. I've been writing since I was 13 but not until I posted this story did I have a story that was a real 'hit'. And LITERALLY all because after consuming all of Vigilantes and as much erasermic fanfic as I could read and the entire anime and manga at the time in 2021 I looked at Mic and Aizawa's friendship and went "okay but what about the two of them healing from the loss of Oboro together and actually showing how it affected them and their friendship".

I owe it nearly entirely to the single panel in vigilantes where Mic tells midnight to call him Mic instead of his name, and now here I am 4 years later (3 and a half since posting) still hearing from people that they love how I wrote the characters growing over the course of the story and that it means a lot to them. Which is something I never expected to see in a comment on a fic I wrote.

[faghubby]

giving in to desire part 2

Mom and I talked everyday. She asked about very personal things now. Things we never spoke about. She asked about sex. Who I had been with. She somehow managed to get me to confess things to her. She seemed surprised that I was a virgin. And then asked if there was someone I liked. She encouraged me to shave not only my legs but all my body hair. We talked about clothes and styles, maybe letting my hair grow out. After a few weeks she started openly talking about boys. I came to admit that I found not only woman but men attractive as well. I figured we talked as a grown mother and daughter would talk. I became much closer to her then I had ever been with my dad, or anyone else for that matter.

I found myself becoming more and more risqué. Often wearing panties to bed. Or even a nightie wondering if I would get caught by my roommate. Who's bed was just 10 feet away. I also started using the purple vibrator my mom had stuck in with all those beauty supplies. At first rubbing it against my dick but then soon shoving in my ass. Mon sent me a care package. It was full of girlie clothes. Alot that no one would notice unless they looked close but also a satin nightie. And pantyhose. Most exciting was a pair of high heels in my size. Mom encouraged me to wear the clothes in public. The modest things like the jeans or the tee shirt. That the sleeves seemed short.

"Paul you look so lovely" mom said as I sent her picks of me dressed in jeans and a simple tee shirt. "I guess I should start calling you Paula?" She giggled.

"Mom!" I said embarrassed

"What?, tell me you don't want to be my daughter" she said. I blushed she was right I loved being girlie.

"How about Pauly for now" I said

"Okay Pauly it is" she said.

That night Kevin (my roommate) came in late I was already in bed. He seemed very high trying to be quiet he of course woke half the dorm up. Before he crashed on his bed. He had left the light on. So I got up to turn it off after I was sure he was asleep. I got up I was wearing a satin pink pj's. Covered in little hearts. I noticed he had not even managed to remove his shoes. So in the dark I took off his shoes. Then instead of tucking him in. I pulled off his sweat pants. Only to discover he wore no underwear. I looked at his soft dick and couldn't help myself I leaned in close and kissed it. He didn't move. So I took it in my mouth. He grew some. As I started to suck his cock. I knew I shouldn't I just had to, soon I was sucking his hard cock. He wasn't very big probably just about 5 inches but I did t care I tried to suck every bit of his cock. Kevin just moaned and let me I figured he was just to fucked up to remember. Having him cum in my mouth. I felt so naughty as I slipped back into my bed.

When I woke Kevin was still asleep so I quickly changed. Only now worried that he might remember. I went and hid in the library as not to be confronted if he did. A few hours later as I was in class I started to get dozens of texts. From guys in my dorm.

"You can suck my cock!" And "will you wear a dress for me?" Along with dic pics of several guys. But the most upsetting one was from my roommate who had gone thru my trunk and posted pics of my girlie things. Finally out of class I found that they had posted across all my social media. Where members of my family had even commented.

I called my mother in tears.

"Paula don't cry, you wanted this maybe you weren't ready yet bit you did" she assured me. She convinced me to return to my dorm. I found wverything pulled out but nothing destroyed. It was the middle of the day and the dorm was mostly empty. Just as I started putting things away. One of the guys who lived across the hall burst in and closed the door.

"I talked Kevin out of pressing assault charges" he said his name was John. "He admitted you where really good at sucking cock" he smiled. And approached me. He grabbed my ass I still had not said a word.

"I love me some sissy bitch ass" he told me.

"John, I just" I started he didn't seem to care as his hand slid down the back of my jeans.

"You want to give it to me don't you?" John said. I was so confused and excited. "Get dressed up. Wear something sexy" he told me. Then took my hand and held it against his bulge. I just nodded.

John left me alone. I showered and shaved before I called mo. Again who once again encouraged me to go on a date with John. A date I wasn't even thinking about a date. I got all dressed did my hair and makeup. I was going to let someone see me. Just as I was about done my door opened and John walked in.he was dressed kinda like a bum.

"You look great" he told me, then took my hand. His idea of a date was to take me to the cafeteria. He showed me off to everyone. Lot of them having a good laugh. Others telling me I looked amazing. After he took me back to his room. As soon as the door closed his pants and boxers where off. I was in a whirlwind as he was naked in seconds. His cock fully hard. It was big I thought. Probably close to 7 maybe 8 inches long. He grabbed me and tore my shirt off. Not even trying to undress me he was rough and savage. He payed and bit me as he forcefully removed my clothes. I now stood ashamed and naked before him. He pushed me on to the bed and climbed on top of me he placed his cock in my mouth as he looked down at me. I sucked his cock best I could. He repeatedly gagged me with it. Not caring only pulling back when he thought I might pass out.

"You know your ass is next cunt" he cursed. When I thought I would dir he pulled out. Only to forcefully flip me over. He squirted something on my ass and then shoved his fingers in.

"So tight" he smacked my ass removing his fingers. He forced his cock into my ass. I screamed crying out. As he fucked me hard.

"Yeah, your going to get fucked so much" he moaned. I think I passed out because the next thing I know he was shooting his load on my ass.

"You belong to me now" he told me. I laid there in pain as he left me in his room.

I called my mom.

"Mommy" I sniffled. "It hurt so much. He was so rough" I wimpered

"You're a woman now Paula. Men will use you for their own pleasure. You will learn it is your place to please them" she told me. "It hurt but you liked it didn't you?" My mother said. Then she said something that I had not thought about.

"Baby did he make you cum?" I had, I hadn't even realized it. I got up and cleaned myself up after I hung up with my mother. My clothes where in shreds. Then John returned. He pushed me back on the bed.

"I have a friend who wants to take you for a ride" he told me. And opened the door. I had seen this guy around campus. John left and this new guy. Took out his cock and drove it deep in my ass.

"OH god" I moaned as he fucked me fast and furiously. He finished inside my ass. John returned.

"You're my whore now,, you are going to help me pay for my tuition" he informed me. I told my mom about John but not that he maid me his whore and pimped out my ass and mouth. To dozens of guys including one of his professors. Kevin moved out of my room and it was now a single. I wore only woman's clothes (sluttier the better as far as John was concerned) because they had posted everything to social media my whole family knew I was a sissy. Although my dad didn't like it mom protected me. Considering me her long awaited daughter. I continued with school but didn't learn anything other then how to please a man. Sometimes two at a time. John kept any money he charged people spending money only on buying me sexy clothes. But he graduated debt free.

[genericpuff]

The confirm timeline makes everything  and makes Demeter a lot more sympathetic to see her daughter do something so stupid 

oh man seeing the confirmed timeline back when it was still being updated thru S2 was when the cracks started to form for me because I couldn't fucking BELIEVE the first season took place over the course of a week. It's weird because on the one hand it tries to imply that time has passed (like with Persephone's grades slipping) but on the other it keeps writing the story event to event, often consequentially (as in, Event C happens because of Event B, which happens because of Event A) so like, the conclusions these timelines come to are pretty simple in and of themselves - these events often all happen in one day and couldn't have been separated by weeks.

For example, on March 15th, Persephone reveals to Eros that she was SA'd. She stays the night at his place so she can have a safe space away from home where Apollo often comes and goes. That's something that would reasonably lead into March 16th's events which are also all pretty condensed because it's when Minthe slaps Hades which happens the day after she stands him up. And then Hades ends up at Hera's place where Persephone also shows up for inexplicably no reason. Of course, Hades and Persephone both aren't home at this time, so it makes for the perfect opportunity for Thanatos to break in to both her room and Hades' office. And that turns into the Hades and Apollo argument after Hades drives Persephone home.

So there's no way the order of these events are being 'mistaken' for a shorter timeline, because every event interlinks so seamlessly. It undoubtedly works for people reading week to week when there's real life time passing in between each episode to give you the illusion of time passing in the comic, but when you really take these events and lay them out end to end in their most sensible order, it's ridiculous how little time has passed. It's why I laugh when people tell me LO is "better binged", like no it fucking isn't, it's worse because when you binge it, you realize just how little time is passing and how much Rachel covers every minute detail of every hour of every day.

A more recent example? Hades and Persephone are already engaged 4 days after Persephone said she wanted to take it slow.

Don't believe me? Hold on tight, because this is about to get dicey.

Day 1 (Ep 207-208) - Hades and Persephone are tended to by their friends/relatives following the battle with Kronos. Persephone has her punishment lifted by Zeus, Zeus and Hades make up. P x H have their "taking it slow" conversation and decide to be boyfriend/girlfriend. As Persephone curls up in bed with Hades, she feels like she's "forgetting something" (i.e. Demeter).

Day 2 (Ep 209-214) - Hades wakes up from a nightmare, which includes hints as to what happened to Thanatos while Hades was being possessed, leading into the start of the next day with Persephone comforting him. They get to work "fixing" the Underworld by doing a Steven Universe dance. During this time, Demeter is looking for her daughter and finds out from Artemis she's in the Underworld, so she decides to go find her. We get the flashback sequence showing Demeter's backstory with Hades and why she was never made Queen of the Mortal Realm. Meanwhile, Hades and Persephone are checking out "Elysium" (which just seems to be a few trees and a river in the Underworld lmao) and start splashing around in the river. Demeter intervenes right as they're returning from their outdoor excursion, still dripping with river water. Persephone and Demeter reunite while Hades talks to the dog but it's a short-lived conversation as she refuses to go back to the Mortal Realm with Demeter claiming she "seems to still be in love". Persephone sends Demeter on her way, who's spotted by Minthe and a few other nymphs. Minthe claims she "has something to do" and walks off, with the heavy implication she's about to approach Demeter. This leads into the Minthe flashbacks depicting her backstory with her own mother and showing what happened to her after her plant curse was lifted. The day she tried to get back to the Underworld, she finds a lost child who she returns to nymph preschool, where Minthe ends up getting a job as a substitute. Right after that, she's summoned to a conversation with Persephone, who reveals to her that the realms are cut off and she's been a plant for three years. Back in present day, Minthe ends up in a conversation with Thetis (who's now married and the mother of a baby Achilles) where she effectively tells Thetis to fuck off. Minthe continues forward, making it to her real destination, which is her job teaching nymphs life skills like making a resume (effectively making the Demeter cliffhanger pointless clickbait). Day 3 (Ep 214-223) - Hades is preparing breakfast (literally a single donut) for Persephone, during which he thinks back to the conversation with Demeter where Demeter asked Hades how he could let her make the deal with Erebus (this goes nowhere). Hades insists Persephone should take the day off. Hades meets with Hecate, revealing to her that he's ashamed his realm is in such bad shape for Persephone. Hades wants to speak with Kronos, but Hecate convinces Hades it would be a bad idea to go down today. Instead, they opt to speculate on how he could have returned, and decide the only person who would know what happened is Hypnos.

Thus begins the most pointless fetch quest in all of LO *deep breath*:

Hades and Hecate have no idea where to find Hypnos, so they decide to go seek his brother Thanatos for help, but Thanatos doesn't want to talk to Hades because Hades treated him like shit and fired him; despite this, Daphne lets Hades in anyways where Hades and Than have a shitty 'make up' conversation that solves nothing between them; we also get flashbacks of what happened between Than and Daphne during the time skip; Hades finally asks Than where they can find Hypnos; they pick up boba tea for Daphne and then drop her off; Thanatos guides Hades to Hypnos' location which was under his nose the entire time, in the HR department of the Underworld Corp; they find Hypnos, who reveals how Kronos was able to take advantage of his powers; Hecate takes Morpheus under her wing as an apprentice of sorts; Hypnos reveals that Kronos has taken a child captive; despite saying they weren't going to talk to Kronos today, Hades and Hecate head down to Tartarus to speak to Kronos, but they can't access it because Kronos has the doors locked and won't open them for anyone but "his Golden Traitor" (implying Hera). This whole fetch quest ends up being useless btw when we find out later that Kronos has been able to talk to Hera the entire time.

*heavy breathing*

Anyways, while all this is going on, Persephone is in Olympus, enjoying her day off, when she's intercepted by Daphne (remember, she had been dropped off by Hades/Hecate/Than!) who's met up with Eros; Persephone reveals she and Hades haven't "done it yet", Eros reveals that he's married with kids now and has to run off to tend to them; Daphne and Persephone leave the restaurant, where they spot a presidential campaign ad featuring Apollo; Persephone and Daphne go to the bank where Persephone runs into her old classmate Tori and acts like a huge Karen to him just because he gossiped about her once 10 years ago; she finds out through Tori (as he works at the bank) that she has an account that's accrued a shitload of money which allows her to buy an apartment that same day, we KNOW it's the same day because it cuts to Hades who's thinking about everything that went down and wondering how he's gonna tell Persephone; he meets her at her new apartment where they proceed to have Chinese (???) takeout. Hades talks a little about how things went but doesn't go into detail, he doesn't tell her about the child deity. We suddenly transition to Persephone at Hades' house where Persphone's packing up her things to take to her new apartment. They end up having the sex conversation, spurred on by Eros/Daphne questioning her about it earlier. Ares shows up that night drunk and looking for Persephone. Hades goes out to comfort him while Persephone stays behind in the bedroom. It's revealed that Aphrodite has left Ares. Hades finds Persephone in his personal theater, where they proceed to watch a movie from 1920's post-WWI Germany and it's heavily implied they have sex during this (*they do not). Ares texts Aphrodite, who's in bed with Hephaestus.

Day 4 (Ep 224 onwards) - The next day starts with Aphrodite/Ares/Heph flashbacks revealing why Aphrodite left Ares, and with a "first meeting" between Heph and Aphrodite. Back to present day, Aphrodite blocks Ares on her phone and meets up with Psyche for coffee. Persephone and Hades are getting ready to leave for work when they find a note left by Ares, which we later find out is urging Persephone to meet up with him to talk about her fertility goddess powers. More Heph / Aphrodite flashbacks. Hades finally mentions the child deity to Persephone. Hera shows up at Hades' work where they proceed to info dump the Kronos/child deity stuff on her. Persephone gets jealous of Hades calling her 'Bunny'. Hera wants to plan Persephone's coronation. Persephone decides she'll be the one to talk to Demeter about her coronation. Hera leaves, this is where it's revealed Kronos has been living in her head for an undisclosed amount of time. Psyche and Hephaestus speak in private, where Psyche reveals she's stolen a pen drive off Apollo for Hephaestus to investigate. Kassandra is revealed. We get some Psyche flashbacks showing how Psyche became a goddess for the purpose of spying on Apollo on Zeus' behalf. Heph gets Psyche to track down Kassandra through Eros/Aphrodite. Cut back to Hades, who's on his own (while Persephone is spending her first night at her new apartment) and is trying to create an engagement ring for Persephone, while reminiscing on their conversation the night before about "the hegemony of virginity". He's summoned by Persephone, who immediately bursts into tears about how upset she is that she got jealous of Hera (not that Hades called her Bunny lmao). This happens in the same day because Persephone says "I got jealous today." More TherapySpeak where Hades makes it all about him. Persephone reveals she's going to meet up with Ares, so Hades decides to accompany her in moth form. Persephone goes to the Mortal Realm to meet with Ares where, according to him, it's "after evening" (w/e the fuck that is, it doesn't look like night time though). This meeting is also counting as her obligatory "date" with him. Ares shows her an old temple with statues in it depicting the fertility goddesses. Ares is barely able to give her any extra info on it that Hades couldn't have already told her. Persephone touches the depiction of Metis and is immediately Avatar'd into the nth dimension where she meets with Metis. Metis tells her about Gaia and how fertility goddesses are a part of the Ouranos lineage. Persephone wakes up from her Avatar state (it's actually visibly night at this point) to find Ares has ditched her. Hades reminds her that she had a visit with Demeter already planned and shouldn't forget it. Demeter sabotages their visit with the whole TGOEM purity club intervention, during which she cages Hades. Hestia lets Hades free, and he immediately proposes to Persephone. Hades takes her away to the Underworld.

WOW that was a lot. But my god, I do not blame the creators of that timeline in the slightest for calling it quits (from the looks of it, they haven't updated it since Season 2). It's absolutely insane how crazy the timeline is. I'm almost half-tempted to finish what these folks started, especially if they stopped due to some kind of divine intervention from Rachel (tinfoil hat theory, but it wouldn't be the first time Rachel's sabotaged a fan project).

This only covers the Free episodes of course, but SPOILER Hades and Persephone end up having to get married literally the next day due to an embargo Demeter's placed on them under the rules of xenia (according to Zeus).

So. Yeah. They've been officially together for 4 days and got married on the 5th.

Peak romance fiction, y'all. They totally got back at the haters who said they were rushing shit.

[gladdygirl18]

On spring break with my GF and our mutual friend and oh boy I've got some very tasty tea

Blue me, Pink GF, Red mutual friend

Since I'm covering some days of spring break, long post incoming

So once my dad and I picked up my GF and mutual friend to have spring break together (went to Atlantic City, it was awesome), my GF was all sweet and clingy (we haven't seen each other since last week since I went home last Friday)

Once we arrived at the hotel, we settled in, had dinner and just hung out for a bit (nothing much happened day 1)

Day 2, we went to the arcade and just got a shit ton of tickets. All the while, my GF kept kissing my neck and sneaking in little pokes here and there. After getting back from the arcade, we chilled in the hotel room for the remainder of the day and my GF and I just laid in the bed. At times, she would start kissing my neck and tickling me cuz I would cheat her out of a kiss (it was great 🥰).

Next day arrives and we just walked on the boardwalk, took a nice long walk on the beach, went to a candy store, and just chilled in our hotel room and played video games and watched YT for a majority of the rest of the day. My GF and I ended up spending at least a few hours together in the rom, just cuddling and making out (as per usual). After a while, my GF and I were just being goofy and she started tickling me just because (again, this has become a regualr thing between us now and I love it 🥰💖)

The next day, me, my GF, and our mutal friend are chilling watching YT. My GF lays next to me on the couch and locks my leg down with her own. FOR 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT SHE WAS DRAGGING HER NAILS ACROSS MY FOOT AND ANKLE

WHYYYYY THE FUUUUCK ARE MY ANKLES SO TICKLISH WTFFFFFF 😆😆😆😆 I FUCKING LOVE HER OMGGG 😆💖🥰💖😆

It tickled like hell omgggg and I couldn't move! After a while, I think we went to the arcade again, and the 3 of us won a lot of tickets (over 15000 tickets collectively). Being the little brat I am, I kept being silly and cheating my GF out of kisses and playfully poking her every now and again. Then, she leaned in and said, "kiss me for real you coward." "or what?" "you already know.... I'll tickle you into oblivion~"

😳😳😳😳PLEEEEEEEEASE I WANT THAT SO BADLY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK OMGGGGGGG 😆💖😳😭

After we got back, the 3 of us stayed in the room and watched more YT. I forgot what started it (i think it was me lol 🤭😋), we had a pillow fight and omgggg it was so much fun! OH WIAT I REMEMBER NOW! We were playing SSBU and my GF killed me and out mutal friend 3 times and won! So we decided to attack her and she retaliated. It was so fun! After that, I had set down the pillow i was using back in the bedroom, and sat on the couch and watched as my GF and our mutual friend duked it out. Then this happened.

"Layla, wait"

"What?"

*glances at me and smirks* "she's defensless~"

both turn to look at me and grin

Then they both started attacking me with pillows. And my GF had the NERVE to hold me down while our mutual friend attacked me!

AHHHHHH IT WAS SO FUUUUUUUN 😆💖😆🥰🥰

After that while we were going out, we had a 10-minute talk on how neither of us had a pillow fight in ages and how fun it was

The next day, if many of you know, Akira Toriyama (creator of DBZ) recently passed away (may he rest in peace and power 🙏🏾💖) Our mutual friend told us and I was devestated. Like many, I grew up with DBZ; it was my childhood and to hear that the creator of DBZ died broke me. Later that night before going to sleep, I texted my GF, and I quote:

"Hey can I ask u smth? Just thru text for rn. Ik ur a bit eepy and I'm sorry to ask this of u but um...... necesito sonreir....... The sting of the loss of Akira is still a bit fresh and....."

It was a few minutes after I sent that text and was a bit disappointed when she didn't reply. When she clicked her phone off, she turned to me and hugged me tightly. And then, she starts kissing my neck and scribbling my sides, and my glommy state ceased to exist. She pulled away with a smile and asked "better hun?" "yeah... thank you"

The night before we had to leave, my GF and I had a very heavy talk about smth (won't get into it) and it's been smth we've been avoiding for a while, but at the end of the concersation, it was a huge weight off our shoulders. After the talk, I looked at my GF and asked, "Necesitas sonreir?" (Do you need to smile in Spanish) "...I'm okay, hun. What about you?" I felt myself blushing a bit and nodded. My GF sighed contently before tickling my sides and kissing my neck. I ended up tickling her too, hearing her pretty laugh. After that, I laid on her chest and said, "There, I got you smiling too." she chuckled before placing a kiss on my head.

After we got back to their house, all that happened were some little pokes here and there. Moring came (this morning) i was a very eepy girl and was refusing to get up. When I finally got up, I was getting dressed but was also becoming drowsey. My GF (already dressed and ready) says "Don't fall back on the bed or I'll tickle you to death~!"

IT HAS GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE SHE'S THREATENING ME WITH TICKLES DAILY WTFFFFFF OMGGGGGGG 💖🥰😆😭💖🥰😭😆 I LOVE HER SOO MUCH I DON'T DESERVE HER

And yeah, that was my spring break! It was really great and we all had a great time there! More TTS's soon, so stay tuned!

Tagging the fwends: @giggly-squiggily @sunstone-smiles @jettorii @otomiyaa @lovelymessybubbly @burningablaze @cutesmokes

[never-not-ever]

I got sucked into the nonstop scrolling on Tik Tok. Towards the end I really forgot for a second that I’m still here. I guess that can happen at any place or time. Just get lost in that world and when you finally put your phone down your surroundings come back to you.

I ended on this one persons account who’s been in a locked inpatient unit for a little over 2 years in the UK. It’s weird cause thru lots of videos I learned that they have hourly checks and can have overnight passes. They do 15 min checks too and take away all your belongings if needed. But the overnight passes and hourly checks were so strange to me. It’s clearly a long term inpatient unit? Unless she’s one of the few. Just like I’m one of the few (at the moment, I know it’s not that rare) to be here this long at the “short” term unit.

I was on the 1:1 for 26 days. I came off it completely last Tuesday. It varied a lot, I think it was 24hrs for the first week and then she took of the day shift for a weekend and on Monday took off the overnight shift. Then right before my SA anniversary on the 21st she put me back on it 24hours. Took me off the overnight shift that following weekend. Then that Monday off the day shift and then the next day off the whole thing. That was a lot but in the end for those 26 days I was always on the 1:1 from 3pm-11pm.

Coming off it was weird. It was funny when I tried to ask for a pass for Easter. Like you just came off the 1:1 on Tuesday and you’re asking for a home pass this Sunday?? In rounds they told my doctor they’d be more comfortable with a pass during the week. So I asked for the Friday before and they said it’s too soon. “Let’s see how the weekend goes and maybe on Monday”.

Last weekend went fine and I got my first pass (2 hours), off this campus in 4 months, a couple days ago on Monday. Conditions being not going home, staying local. Then I got a 3 hour pass yesterday, local again. My doctor put an order in for “daily passes” and told me that I can have as many passes home as I need until I feel ready to go home.

I’ve gone on 2 passes so far without sneaking anything back in like all my other passes before. But I’m worried about home. Like I’m not worried I’m going to do anything or sneak anything back. I’m just worried I’m going to get super overwhelmed. This week has been so overwhelming and I get so much anxiety in the morning and at night. I haven’t been home since thanksgiving which I kept thinking it was 3 months ago but nope. That was 4 months ago.

It’s just crazy to me to think 2 weeks ago I was on a daily 1:1 and now I have daily passes???

I’m 90% sure I’m not going to screw this up. That I’m going to keep up with the passes and leave by the end of April or a week sooner. But a small part of me is so worried I’m going to mess this all up.