#so much shit has gone down
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Hi YanBan,
how ya been?
So I've been having a *hell* of a time this past... year. Year and a half? Two years? It's been hell! It's now a different kind of hell-but-becoming-unhell for the first time ever! I'm trying to move out of my house within a year!
AND I'M COMING BACK TO TUMBLR!
And I hope everyone and anyone reading this is doing far better!
#So much shit has gone down#I'm getting back to coding#I'm getting back to writing#I'm getting back into existing#Some relatives passed away so I'm no longer having to run up every few days for months or weeks on end to take care of em#I may be doing a career switch from IT to straight up electrical or CNC-ing because the IT job market is super fucked#All of my friends are getting married so I'm like. running between all of that helping them plan and calling people#My teeth are still fucked but I'm working on that slowly?? The dentist is frightened by my pain tolerance#Yanban's rambles
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[To read on Ao3]
It's Saturday evening and Steve is annoyed. He doesn't understand why everyone won't just stop asking if he wants to talk.
It'll be better for you to get it out of your system, Steve. (Nancy) Talking these things through really helped me, Steve. (Max) You know we're here for you, don't you, Steve? (Dustin) If anyone understands, it's us. Me. You know that, right, Steve? (Robin)
Isn't he allowed to have one damn secret to himself!? Robin did almost get him to crack because out of everyone, Robin would understand his ridiculous, almost overwhelming crush on Eddie Munson.
He's not keeping it a secret because he's embarrassed of his crush, but because he's afraid of rejection for the first time ever. Based on past experience, Steve has always been the one doing the rejecting. In fact, Steve would argue he's never been rejected before. Nancy and he broke up, and breaking up doesn't count as rejection. It's just a change in feelings. And Robin didn't reject him because she had told a half truth when they thought they were gonna die, and then came out to him when he confessed, and rejection also doesn't count if you were never a romantic option to begin with.
Eddie is the first crush he's had (that he's willing to, eventually, act upon) that he's uncertain about. Eddie flirts with him, sure, but he also flirts with Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle. He doesn't shy away from Steve's touch, but he rarely initiates it himself. Everything Steve tries to test, to gauge Eddie's interest, just falls flat, or doesn't work, or isn't enough to show if Eddie likes him romantically or as a friend.
Anyway, it's Saturday evening and Steve is annoyed. Annoyed because he knows that waiting for him at his own house is an ambush (an intervention, they'd called it) from his own supposed friends. Steve had just listened to them plan the whole thing over the walkie talkie.
When Steve pulls into his driveway, he's a little impressed at that fact nothing looks off. There are no extra cars, no bikes scattered across the lawn. The house looks dark, even.
When he goes for the door, it's unlocked, though, which is the dead giveaway. Steve sighs heavily before letting himself in. He doesn't bother to flick on the light in the foyer, just shrugging out of the Family Video vest and toeing off his shoes, leaving both in a pile by the door before squinting into the house.
It is dark, but he can make out irregular shapes, lightly illuminated by the light from the backyard coming through the large windows on the far wall. It looks like they've rearranged his furniture. He also hears the slight creak of the floorboards, from the kitchen. That would be Lucas, who Steve knows has been tasked with sneaking around and making sure Steve can't just bolt back out the front door (like he's ever actually run away from a confrontation).
They were very thorough with the planning. Steve knows where a majority of people are lurking, cutting him off from 'fleeing'. Lucas in the kitchen, to cut him off from the front door. El at the top of the stairs so he can't hide in his room. Argyle stationed in the hall that leads to the garage. Everyone else scatted throughout the living and dining room.
Might as well get this over with.
Steve makes it about halfway to the living room before a single floor lamp lights up. It illuminates Robin, who has turned his father's favorite chair around to face the front door instead of the TV, arm still up from where she'd twisted the nob on the lamp. "Steve. We need to talk."
"Buckley," Steve answers, calm as he can manage, surveying the room. Everyone else is just out of the line of light from this ancient lamp. He wonders how they managed that. Still. He knows they're here, so with as much confidence as he can muster, he looked directly at an out of place shadow and hopes he's right as he says, "you want to talk, too, I suppose?"
"How-" it's Dustin's voice that starts to speak and is quickly cut off with a smacking sound. Steve's willing to bet it's Max or Erica who slaps a hand over Dustin's mouth to keep him quit.
"Okay, so Dustin's here, too," Robin says, trying to regain control of the ambush but Steve's not having it.
He puts his hands on his hips and says in a voice loud enough to be heard throughout the quiet house, "And Lucas, sneaking though the kitchen to the door. Argyle in the hallway, El upstairs. The rest of you are here, too. I heard the whole thing on the walkie."
"What! You were supposed to be at work!" Dustin yelps as almost every light flicks on at once. Each light switch has a person stationed at it. Steve can now see Jonathan and Nancy to his right, Dustin, Max, and Mike also to the right, but further into the living room. To the left, Argyle has made his was from the hallway, and Eddie (Jesus fuck, only this group of assholes bring his crush to the intervention about refusing to talk about his crush! (not that they know about the crush)), Erica and Will mirror the position of the others, almost against the wall to stay out of the light from the windows. He hears the stairs creak as El makes her way down.
"I was. It was slow. I got the walkie from my trunk to ask someone to save me from boredom just in time to hear your scheming," says Steve.
"We aren't scheming, Steve," Robin says, standing from the chair now and stepping closer. "We're worried. You don't talk to us."
"I talk to, like, almost all of you every day!"
"Not about important things!"
"I happen to think that discussing the newest releases is important. Tells me a lot about all of your guys' terrible taste in movies."
"Steve!" Nancy steps in now, "this is serious."
"It's really not. You are all making a big deal about this and it's not!" Steve says.
"Why are you keeping this from us?" Max pipes up, "if you can't talk to us about this, then who can you? We understand."
"Look, I know we've all experienced this.... issue, at some point, but that's doesn't mean I want to talk to any of you about it-"
"Issue he says! You can't even say it," Robin challenges him, matching his hands on hip stance, mirroring him.
Steve closes his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nose. This is getting ridiculous. Of course, he can't say it! He's barely gotten through his sexuality crisis and hasn't even come out to Robin yet! He wants to, really, but... "Listen. I appreciate that you are all so invested in this, but you need- sorry, no. I need you to let me do this at my own pace."
"It's been since '83! How much longer do you need!?" Dustin is looking at him like he's grown a second head and that-
What. Wait. What? Steve's brain screeched to a halt. "What."
"What what?" Dustin raises his hands, confused. "You need to talk to someone about what we all went though. The Upside Down! We all talk to you, but you don't talk to any of us and bottling it up isn't healthy."
Steve's arms go limp at his sides and all he can do is blink. They aren't- they don't think- Steve's brain hasn't restarted yet, which is what he blames for what leaves his mouth next. "Wait. This isn't about my crush on Eddie?"
A clatter and the sound of glass breaking, accompanied by Eddie's voice cursing follows that. Steve looked over to see that Eddie seems to have fallen back against the wall he was near, knocking a picture from the wall in the process. He's staring at Steve, though, eyes owlish and he looks like he's about to either faint or run away.
Steve's gut twists because neither of those were the reaction he'd hoped for (but they are the reactions he most expected).
"Your WHAT," Robin screeches and that brings Steve back to his brain.
Oh.
Oh fuck.
He just. He just came out to everyone, all at once, in his living room. This is fine, this is fine. He can deal with this. The room and everyone (oh God, everyone) in it fades away as Steve puts one palm flat on his own chest, focuses on feeling his own touch, on the rise and fall of his chest, trying to remember how he draws breath usually. Normally he can pull himself back this way but it's so much, too much, everyone is watching him-
"Steve. Hand," El's voice is distant but he obeys, hand going out on instinct. El takes it and he feels someone else breathing deep. "Follow. In. In. In. In. Hold. Out. Out. Out. Out. Again. In-" El repeats and repeats, counting each second with a word, and slowly she comes into view, her hand held over his on Lucas' chest. El talks him through it as Lucas demonstrates because it's hard to give instruction and breathe at the same time. This is not the first time El's helped him through a panic attack, but it's usually Hopper who has to demonstrate the breathing for him.
She stops when he calms, allows him to pull his hand away from Lucas but not her own hand. She brings her other to clasp around his, holding his one hand with both of hers.
"Thank you," he whispers.
She gives him a nod, face still serious as she stands next to him.
Steve takes in his surroundings. His panic attack wasn't too long, thankfully, but enough that everyone has moved. He seeks out Eddie subconsciously and finds he's relieved to see that he's taken a seat on the couch, Will next to him all but tucked into his side. No one left, and Steve's glad for that, but they all look so uncertain and off kilter now, scattered across the living room. Robin is a few steps closer than she was before and looks like she wants to finish stepping forward, but not sure if she should.
"Um, thank you guys, for not freaking out while I was freaking out," Steve says, reaching out his other hand to Robin. She takes it and he pulls her into a half hug. "So, uhh, I thought I knew what this was about but guess I didn't."
"Of all the things to think we'd stage an intervention for, having a crush on Ed-someone is certainly not that high on our priority list," Robin snorts from where she's buried her head in his shoulder.
"Well, it makes sense now that it's not about- Maria said I should have talked to you guys sooner, like individually, but too late I guess."
"Who the fuck is Maria!?"
"Language, Henderson," Steve snaps on instinct. "She's my therapist."
For the second time tonight, Robin says, "your WHAT?"
"Therapist?" Steve repeats, but it sounds like a question even to himself because he's almost afraid there's a wrong answer here.
"I didn't know you were seeing a therapist, Steve," Nancy says, voice gentle in a way Nancy's voice really isn't usually. "Do you talk about- I don't know how to phrase this without prying."
Steve rescues her from the awkwardness of having to ask. "She knows about the Upside Down. Dr Owens introduced her after Starcourt. Why are you surprised by this?"
"Because we didn't know," says Dustin.
"I see Maria every Tuesday. How did you not know?" Steve asks.
"What do you mean how did we not know!?" Dustin shouts.
"Can you not shout at me?" Steve sighs. He needs to sit down, so he does. Just drops there, dragging Robin and El with him. Neither complains, though. "I've been going to therapy every Tuesday since '83. I guess it just became part of my schedule, so I don't think about it. And I did, like, actively hide I was seeing a therapist that first year so guess that was habit."
"Is this why you don't talk to us?" Robin's voice is quiet.
"Well, yeah. I didn't realize it was affecting you all so much that I didn't. I thought- I am talking about it. I told Maria about a nightmare I had just last week, I'm not bottling it all up," Steve reassures, "You all talk to me. I didn't wanna create some like, trauma loop where we just talk about how awful it was back and forth and never get, like, closure with it, so I didn't share back. I've just been trying to do for you guys what Maria does for me, but I'm not, like, qualified."
"We could all use some therapy," Nancy says in what seems to be a rather agreeable voice for the tone of the room currently, "but why were you the only one offered help after Starcourt?"
"Oh. Well. It was less Dr Owens offering Maria's service, and more my mom barely refraining from murdering Owens on the spot until he gave into every demand she had. Which, being fair to Owens, he was more than willing to help to begin with."
"Your mom spoke to Owens?" Jonathan speaks for the first time.
"Oh. Wow," Steve blinks, feeling a bit thrown. There's so much he's unintentionally hid from his friends, things that could have been helping them (like them talking to Maria instead of him, have any of them even been offered therapy?) but he's also realizing that they've made an awful lot of assumptions about him without talking to him. "So, wait, I need to know something. How did this come to happen?" He half-heartedly waves towards everything around him with the arm he has half wrapped around Robin.
"The intervention?" Max asks.
"Sorta? No. I get why you thought you needed to intervene, but I don't understand why you came to that conclusion without like, asking me things? All of you were like talk to us Steve we can help Steve we understand Steve but how did it not occure to any of you that I might already be talking to someone?"
It seems the only one brave enough to answer is the person who has known Steve the least, because Argyle says, "far as they could tell, who would you talk to that's not them, bro? Like, you come home to a big empty house. On bad days, Nancy can still cuddle up to her mom and just be held even though Mrs. Wheeler doesn't know what's up, but you're like, alone."
"I-what? What's the implication there?"
"Steve, we can count on one hand the number of times you've ever spoken about your parents," Nancy says, "I guess we all came to the conclusion that you were... you felt like you had to be alone in dealing with the trauma, like you're alone in this house. I mean, we dated for a year and a half, and I never even met your parents."
That's true, but it's because his parents were going through a rough patch and trying to work through his dad's... problem while also working on a big deal for the company. Steve's not going to pretend he knows how his dad's business works but it involves a lot of meetings in cities bigger than Hawkins. "You all mock me for being a rich kid, and then act... what, surprised that my parents actually have to run the company they own?"
"No. The only things you've ever told me about your parents was that your dad was an asshole and that you didn't want them to find out about beer at a party you threw!"
Well. That does paint his dad in a real bad light. "Well, I was younger and stupider when I said those things!"
"When the Russians drugged you, you made a comment. Something about only doing marijuana, dad," Robin says softly from his side. "it's kinda easy to draw the conclusion that your relationship with your parents might be negative at worst, absent at best."
Steve retracts his arm from around Robin, suddenly cold on the inside. He gently shakes off El as well and shoves off the ground so he's standing again, taking three steps back to be able to see everyone at a quick glance around. "I think it's best if we stop this here. I can't- I'm gonna say some shit I'll regret otherwise."
"Steve-"
"Robin," Steve cuts her off, feeling the need to defend his parents, who he loves so fucking much, from his friends. Anger rolls tight under his skin but he doesn't want to give in, so he goes cold instead. "I call my mom every night. They have a mobile phone my dad pays way too much for, so they can know I'm still alive no matter where they have to be currently. My parents are absent," he spits the word like venom, "because I begged them to leave after Starcourt and the only reason they didn't drag me out of here with them kicking and screaming is because I was 18 and legally, they couldn't! That's the only real fight I've ever had with my mom, you know. I told them they had to go because Hawkins is fucking cursed and I couldn't protect all of you and them and-" Steve clamps his mouth shut, swallows down the words. He's going to have to talk to Maria about his hero complex again (he thought he was getting better). No one says a thing in the silence, even though they all look like they want to. Steve takes a deep breath, trying to calm. "I'm going to go call my parents, because they're gonna start to worry, because they do that, if I don't call soon. Let yourselves out like you let yourselves in."
He doesn't quite stomp his way to the kitchen phone, but it's a close call. He could go up to the master bedroom and call privately but a part of him wants them to hear this conversation as they leave. He yanks the phone off the receiver a bit harder then needed and punches in the phone number he's got memorized now. It rings twice.
"Oh Steve, I was just starting to worry!"
"Hi mom. No need to worry. I'm, well, I'm not fine right now, but it's not any Upside Down nonsense."
"Oh, honey, do you want to talk about it?"
"No, not, uh, not right now. I just wanted to hear your voice. To tell you I love you, and I miss you. Dad, too," as Steve speaks he hears the sounds of movement, of shuffling down the hallway and the front door. Resolutely, he keeps his back to the kitchen entrance.
"We love and miss you, too."
"When will you guys be able to come visit?"
"Honey, do you need us? We can be on a plane in a few hours."
Steve smiles at that, and hopes she can hear it in his voice, "no. But, uhh, I wouldn't mind seeing you guys sometime soon."
"We'll make it happen. Hey, how about we have that barbeque you mentioned before. We'd like to be able to meet the people keeping you safe. I do wish the Byers still lived in town, I'd love to catch up with Joyce".
"Oh! I can't believe I didn't tell you! The Byer's are moving back. Oh God! Mom! Hopper's not dead!"
There's a fumbling noise, like perhaps his mom dropped the phone. Some staticky noise, shuffling sounds, and his father's voices comes through the phone, "Steve, your mother looks pretty pale, kiddo. What did you just tell her?"
"Jim Hopper's alive and kicking. The Starcourt Russians kidnapped him apparently."
A deep sigh and then his dad says, "We'll be home in two days, okay kiddo? Gonna want a full explanation of that, but I've got to go, your mom's going to faint -sit down, Stephanie- We love you."
"Love you, too."
Steve hangs up and turns around to see El, Will, and Eddie still lingering by the kitchen entrance. He's not as angry on the inside anymore, and it helps that these three didn't really pipe in and call his parents terrible people who don't love him. (okay, so he's putting words into everyone's mouths, Maria will frown at him hard when he talks about this, but he's going to allow himself to be a little petty right now).
"I am sorry for being part of this," El says, "I do not want you mad at me."
"Never, El," Steve strides forwards, easily pulling El into a hug. She's probably just worried for him because everyone else was worried, and not because she has some idea about what his parents are like. Honestly, El's probably never even thought out Steve's parents even once. "I'm not really mad at anyone. Just... frustrated, and upset, perhaps. We'll all make amends tomorrow, I'm sure."
El releases him after a moment and before she's even fully out of his arms, Will is pulling him into a hug just as deep. Steve's not sure why, he and Will aren't particularly close, but Will clings to him and makes this soft, sob noise as he presses his face into Steve's shoulder, and Steve's wrapping his arms around him on instinct, "Oh, hey baby Byers, it's all good."
Will shakes his head no and just sobs for a moment. Steve lets him, rubs his back after a moment, trying to be soothing. It's a long hug but not awkward. Finally Will pulls back, swiping at his eye with both his hands. "I- thank you, Steve."
Steve is bewildered by that, and it must show on his face, because he hears Eddie try and hide a laugh behind a cough. Steve says, "you're welcome?"
Will doesn't clarify. He just steps back and El takes his hand easily, and the siblings leave, presumably to climb into the back of someone's waiting car.
Which leaves him alone in his house with Eddie.
Eddie, who knows about his crush now because Steve blurted it out loud for everyone to hear.
"I'll leave if you want me to," Eddie says, like he can read Steve's mind, even as he leans against the counter next to him like he plans to stay, "but I- I don't wanna start throwing everyone else under the bus, but I really just thought this was a case of Hero Complex where you think you're only good for getting between us and danger and that we were all gonna try and like, show you how important you are to us all so you'd open up to us. I didn't even think about, like, your parents."
Steve believes that, so he huffs a dry laugh, "yeah. I'm sure you're idea of my parents are snotty rich people who look down on everyone."
Eddie's got the decency to be embarrassed about that truth, if his red face is anything to go on. "Sure, but like, I thought the same thing about you and that turned out to be wrong, so I can admit that. Also, I thought you were an asshole who always got what they wanted, and that's not really a bad parent trait, y'know? Caring about what your kid wants."
"Well, thanks for admitting to it, man."
Eddie nods, then looks away, towards the door. "Do you- should I leave? Do you even want me hear?"
Did he? "Yeah, I want you here. I kinda want Robin, too. I shouldn't have kicked everyone out like that."
"No dude, that was fair. But, uh, I can go chase down Nancy's car and see if Robin will return with me."
Steve does laugh, then, "no. We're so codependent as it is. I just... Robin's been here when I've called my mom. She's here all the time. I don't understand how she just... never picked up on it."
"You always call from the kitchen phone, or do you make it a private conversation? 'Cause Buckley and you are stupidly codependent, but if something's meant to be private, I doubt she's going to be eavesdropping on you."
That's true. And Steve knows he's being irrational. He never said anything, he knows he never even talks about his parents, that they're so rarely even in Hawkins these days, it isn't a farfetched idea to assume it's because he doesn't love them, or they don't' love him. That doesn't stop the hurt he feels for his parents. And a little for himself because, yeah, he never said anything, but also, they never asked.
They see their parents every day, have left their parents in the dark about the truth for reasons Steve doesn't agree with, but he'll never argue that choice with them, never assume they have a bad relationships with their parents for it.
"I had to tell my parents," Steve says, because he and Eddie are just standing in his kitchen in silence and he's thinking these things anyway. Might as well think out loud, "when Billy punched me unconscious and I woke up in my own damn car being driven by Max I just- what if I hadn't made it home to them? What if Billy had hit me one too many times, had beaten me to death? My mom was pacing the living room with worry when I did finally get home. They were supposed to already be on a plane to I don't even know where, but she was so worried about me that she stayed. She didn't even know about the Upside Down. Didn't know how close she'd come to losing me."
Eddie doesn't say anything, but he moves closer, to lean against the kitchen island, across from Steve.
"She was so fucking terrified when she saw me. Wanted to know who did it, what happened, where I'd been- she's never had to patch up anyone after getting a beating, so she tried to usher me back outside, to the car, a hospital I guess, but the thought of leaving the house was so overwhelming. After everything that just happened? I wanted to be home.
"I think she caught on to that. Instead, she pulled me into the bathroom and did her best to clean me up. I tried my hardest to hold it together but she- my mom just took my face in her hands, so gently, afraid to hurt me more," Steve mimics the motion, holding his hands out in front of him like he's cupping a face, "and just said you can tell me what happened, honey. No matter what it is. I love you so much. and I just- I broke down." Steve stops, sucking in a deep breath because just the memory of that night brings back the emotions. His mother's fear for his life. Her love for him.
"I told her everything. Just started talking and couldn't stop. And when I was done, a crying mess on the bathroom floor, she just... just sunk down beside me and held me as I cried. And the craziest part of all, she believed me. The next morning, when I thought for sure she was going to ask what kinda drugs I took to come up with that story, instead, she asked me if she could call Hopper. Wanted to talk to another adult about it," Steve swipes at his eyes, getting misty at the memories before continuing, "the only reason they aren't here right now is because I basically begged them to leave. To go grow their company, I'd said. I'd be here, and I promised to call every night, so they know I'm safe."
"Is that why you've never redecorated?" Eddie asks, out of left field, "'cause having their things around reminds you of them?"
Steve shrugs because he's not sure. "They told me I could change whatever. Make this house your own home, Steve my dad had said but, it's always felt like home, y'know?"
Eddie nods. "Not even a little tempted to change the wallpaper in your room? 'Cause it's pretty fuckin' atrocious man."
That makes Steve bark out a laugh, "ok, yeah, that's just me being lazy."
"Well, if you ever want help removing that wallpaper, count me in. The sooner, the better. How you can stand to look at it, and with those matching curtains, yikes," Eddie is grinning at him and Steve sees what he's doing. Distracting him from the heavy topic. Steve appreciates it. "I won't be caught dead in there until you change it."
"Oh? Hoping to be in my room sometime soon, Eddie?" Steve asks, quirking an eyebrow.
"Well, I did kinda just learn that my crush has a crush on me, so maybe I was hoping," Eddie gives a shrug, aiming to sound indifferent and aloof, Steve thinks, but he can see the grin Eddie's trying to fight from forming on his face, and the way his hand has gone to his hair, pulling some strands to hide that grin behind.
Something sweet and happy spreads through Steve's entire body. Steve opens his mouth to say something, he's not sure, but what comes out instead is a big yawn.
"Alright, bedtime for you I think," Eddie says.
Steve nods, because he is tired. The rollercoaster of emotions and events have worn him down. "You wanna stay over and watch terrible movies until we fall asleep?"
Eddie looks delighted to have been asked.
Today was a shitshow, and Steve knows he'll need to reach out to everyone and talk. Individually, because he's not sure he can handle everyone all at once again. But he needs them to know he was just angry and doesn't hate them all or something.
Tomorrow's got promise, though, so that's good enough.
#steddie#in which i ask myself#what if steve has good parents#who care SO MUCH#and they got him a good therapist and helped him through the upside down shit#and they're only gone because steve begged them to leave#and the only thing that keeps them away is a nightly phone call letting them know everythings fine#to make this work in canon steve called his parents that night after finding eddie and lied to them#saying he was going camping with friends for a week so he wouldn't be calling until then#he hasnt told them the full truth of sping break '86 yet#my fic
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#baby's first webweave#Cole Cash#Image's Grifter#Guy Gardner#Stephanie Brown#John constantine#abusive parents and the legacies they leave behind#characters who are beaten down by the world around them long past their shitty childhoods but they all handle it differently#very different characters across the board but the parallels guys#the parallels#I feel like this is incoherent because I had way too much stuff on hand for this but there's a picture limit#so I kept editing it#and now I don’t want to look at it anymore#there's a version of this with Slade Wilson and his kids in my brain#but that's honestly a whole separate post#its crazy that guy's dad is the only one who sees his kid not being a piece of shit and goes :) good for you#everyone else is like damn I was hoping you'd be worse#I might delete this actually#ahhhh#the guy and Cole stuff has actually been in my brain for years because I read their 90s series' basically back to back#and their family stuff really is interesting to compare#they even have quote unquote perfect brothers#Cass also could have gone here but her dynamic with her parents is a little different
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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in boring adult annoyances, i recently converted my checking account to a different type of checking account with the same credit union. i've done this a couple times over the years cuz it's the same checking account my dad helped me set up when i was 13 and this CU is still my primary financial institution. asked the banker
"will my account number remain the same?"
"yes, we're just converting it to a different type of the same account!"
"so my direct deposit and autopays won't be impacted?"
"correct!"
"and i can still use the same debit card i've been using for the last ~6 years!"
"absolutely!"
"great, let's do it."
fast forward to this week, when three of my autopay bills bounced, my debit card isn't working, and a closer look at my account number shows a 1-digit change at the end. go back to the same branch like "hey no offense but what the fuck??"
different banker takes a look at my accounts, makes a Face, and politely casually asks "so where did you go to make the switch? :)"
"here, this branch. that person over there was actually the one who helped me."
The Face intensifies. ".....Ah. I See. well, it looks like the way the changes were made may have Disrupted some things. you're gonna need a new debit card, etc, i'll get that printed for you ASAP."
[5 minutes later the banker who fucked up the first transaction sheepishly approaches me to hand over my new debit card & apologize profusely.]
#SIXTEEN YEARS OF AUTOPAYS & DIRECT DEPOSITS & STATEMENTS & SAVED PAYMENT PROFILES DOWN THE FUUUUUUCKING DRAIN#BC INSTEAD OF JUST SWITCHING THE SUBTYPE OF MY EXISTING ACCOUNT SHE FUCKING CLOSED IT OPENED A NEW ONE & JUST MOVED THE MONEY OVER#LIKE I'VE DONE HER JOB I KNOW HOW EASY IT IS TO MAKE MISTAKES LIKE THAT BUT GOOOOOODDDDDD WHAT A FUCKING PAIN#THIS STUPID ERROR HAS BROKEN. SO MUCH OF MY LIFE IN ONE FELL SWOOP#GIRL I'M NOT GONNA COMPLAIN TO YOUR MANAGER OR ANYTHING BUT I *AM* FANTASIZING ABOUT HUNTING YOU FOR SPORT#between this and a different banker at the same branch taking 2+ weeks to get back to me with a shit tier auto loan quote#the service here has rly gone to piss lately#like thanks but i bought my car last week & financed thru the dealership for 4.3% APR less than you quoted cuz you ghosted me#shit chat#ctxt#charlie vs money
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is episode 8 the domitian arc ? more on this and EVEN MORE narratives i’ve been ignoring that the show said “actually,,,” about in 5
#hermes staying domitian’s hand… hermes’ face a flash of discomfort when he was torturing tenax… hmm. character growth.#WHAT WAS THAT HERMES. WHAT WAS THAT LOOK. NO GIRL GET BACK HERE I CANNOT ALSO DO THIS NARRATIVE OF YOU NO LONGER ABLE TO PULL HIM BACK FROM#THE BRINK OF HIS CRUELTY WATCHING HIM CHANGE AND SEEKING OUT SOMEONE ELSE IN HIS NEED AND FEAR AND ANGST. NO BABY GIRLLLL#I DON’T WANT TO WRITE A HERMES POINT OF VIEWWWW OF THE SIX YEARS HE SPENT WATCHING DOMITIAN BLOOMMMM INTO HIS POWER AND CORRUPTTTT because.#correct me if i’m wrong but in that very first scene that was a young hermes in the white right he watched domitian give his speech and saw#his father to truly see him the whole time as hermes has seen his brilliance.#NO I ALSO SAW THAT GUARD’S HEAD FOLLOW HERMES oh i hate it here. you know what i also hate? i need domitian to be successful for tenax#but also i do kinda like titus… NOOOOOO NO KILLING TITUS DOMITIAN I JUST SAID I LIKED HIM!!!! DOMITIAN!!!#oh. ohhhh no. OH NOOOO okay listen we can redeem this. we can have the whole turning point of the narrative be domitian’s mercy of hermes#the ultimate staying of his hand. proving he’s not entirely gone that hermes & his love still means something. do i think this will happen#no absolutely not. before he can kill his brother domitian has to kill the only other living person he loves perhaps more than titus if he#could ever realize it. (a brief interlude to yell LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO HI IRIS) domitian… please spare him… OH WAIT HELLO THE BLOOD!!#ALSO a brief interlude to say i knew it was coming but ELIA’S SPEECH ABOUT LOVING INCITATUS??? I WAS ON THIS INCITATUS SHIT WITH THE LITTLE#NOD THEY HAD WHERE SCORPUS CALLED HIM TO BEAT XENON OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!! elia’s going to crush him. incitatus won’t listen.#scorpus is going to die twice once when they call elia’s name instead of his and then the second time when the scorpion bites him again#(he kills himself and tenax finds him. sorry to give everyone absolutely maximum damage here but uh. that’s how i can see it going down)#or alternatively worse: after killing titus who at times he loves and hates in equal measure (if y’all don’t think I have some UNHINGED#brothers quotes. we’ll keep mum here about why but suffice to say it is. relevant to other fandoms. and thus i have a Collection) the last#thing domitian has to do is kill hermes. and this one is both out of betrayal but also love because I think somewhere in here titus’ queen#berenice plays a role because domitian’s hatred of the jews probably comes to play a role and I think titus would show up and protect her#like Domitian engineers some kind of a situation where in theory titus could escape alive or beat him but he can’t do that & save berenice#and so of course he saved berenice. or she dies in his arms and he goes mad with grief and any way you put it berenice is the trap & titus#happily crawls into the lion’s mouth to save her for love of her etc and domitian sees him die for it. he gives titus every chance to come#back to him to work with him to be what he wants him to be and he always chooses himself he chooses love and domitian can’t understand even#when it makes him weak. and then he sees hermes dirty and emaciated and still terribly terribly beautiful and feels such a pang of longing#and love that he decides he has to die because he (domitian) cannot be weak. he cannot have any of it. also giving domitian worse paranoia#than he already has because if you kill your brother the one person who should always love you—support you—who can build me a new brother—#you’ve gotta generate some MAJOR issues. namely trust issues. and if he kills hermes they’ll be even worse. so like ideally To Me domitian#wouldn’t kill him but i do very much see the symbolism of cutting off his last earthly tie & desire to ascend to the divine imperial throne#those about to die
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I think an underlooked part of what shaped jin’s mindset was how even back in Torna, he was considered “property”. He and Lora spent their whole lives avoiding the authorities of Torna because they believed would straight up execute Lora to get Jin back, and no one ever denies it. and this has seemingly been a fear since Lora was a child. Jin had to hide his face everywhere he went. Maybe Torna wouldn’t have been cruel enough to execute a child, especially since the king seemed decent(?) enough, if not a bit distant. But the fact it was even a fear at all for Lora since she was so young is just awful to think about.
According to his past self’s journals, Jin and his old driver fought in a war of independence for Torna, perhaps what made him a hero to begin with. and because he’s a war hero for deeds he doesn’t even remember, the kingdom considers him owned by them. Which is on the nose in two different ways ngl. Both in how the Blades are seen and a wider metaphor of soldiers/state. idk it’s just very sad to think about
#I think a lot of people (esp people who dont really interact with the actual story of 2) boil jins motives down to lora too often#like yes her death sent him spiraling but his actual motives dont like. actually have much to do with her directly. it contributed to his#bad mental state that allowed him to get to that point but he still has plenty of reasons to hate how blades are treated and hes right!#its also why 'lora wouldn't have wanted this' doesnt really matter to him. yeah she wouldnt have. she's also been dead for ages so what does#it matter? like hes definitely not coping healthily mans is constantly retraumatizing himself by keeping her body around but like#he knows she's dead hes accepted it so hes doing better than N at least! jin hates being immortal but he stays alive to keep Loras memory#alive. but the longer he lives the more and more awful shit he sees and the more it breaks him. but he cant die bc then the only person left#who really knew lora would be gone (Minoth is alive too but he knew her for like several weeks at most alsfjakfjljfsa) and thats the curse#xenoblade#xenoblade chronicles#jin#siren says
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My niche Keith Kogane headcanon is that "Thief" by Imagine Dragons from the Smoke + Mirrors (Deluxe) album is HIS song, no if ands or buts, it just screams mullet emo 'delinquent' in the desert bonus with space motifs. If you told me it was written by the angsty fuck himself I'd totally believe you lmao
#i listen to this song and all i can think of is pre-s1 keith with that fuckass bandana running around in the desert looking for#canyon drawings and grieving the old times when he'd go racing and stargazing with pre-Kerb Shiro🥲#or even further his dad#shit i think it could applied to post S2 Keith reminiscing about early and pre-Voltron time in general#mans has gone through so many life-altering events😭 id be an emo bitch too tbh#mine#vld#keith kogane#vld keith#if someone doesn't make an amv for this damn song where the first verse shots are ep 1-3 s1 keith angsting about pre-kerb and second verse#is s2 after BOM trials about early s1 voltron an earth when things were simpler and they didn't have the entire universe on their shoulders#then i fucking will damn it#“back when i was unafraid just like a thief” cuts to him breaking out shiro with that stupid bandana#“from desert heat to cobbled street from broken home to the city beat” are obviously clips going back and forth from him searching the#the desert and his little shack paralleld with tiny keith in the garrison and then later in the castle of lions#“all the heights that i could reach” is OBVIOUSLLLLY either shots in space or his stupid dive trick with the smirk on his hoverbike#“if i could live a thousand times if i could make a thousand tries oh maybe then id get it right” is OBVIOUSLY space whale flashbacks to#losing shiro and his dad and getting in trouble at the garrison or even his half galra angst in s2#“when the stars look down on me what do they see?” come on its VOLTRON theres so much potential there with their fights in space AND#being a pilot at the garrison#okay im done now lmao anyway its a good song and its very keith coded#honestly could apply to multiple paladins but i think the desert and theif lines specifically make sense for him
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I wrote. 1k words today!!!!!!!! For dad vash au!!!! So the document is now 3.5k words long (almost a third of them written just Today)(I've been working on this WIP off and on for Months now.....) so that's exciting!!!!!
Idk there was just a feeling midday of like. My brain being surprisingly clear?? Weird bc I didn't get enough sleep last night. But I took full advantage of it.
Hope that this kinda thing keeps up. Maybe I can actually fucking post something finally.
#speculation nation#dad vash au shit#i have a few aus ive been tossing around in my mind. as well as itnl stuff. sorry itnl readers my brain is still being flighty.#dad vash au tho is dependebly smth ive gone back to anytime ive been feeling. down lol#hes not having a fun time in this first chapter. but it'll get better.#i wrote the start of the scene where he finds out today. and Man it's such fun.#gonna give him a whole ass panic attack over this shit. wheeeeeeee#anyways i think my writer's block has primarily been due to the extensive emotional numbing and compartmentalization#that ive had to employ for much of the entire past year. due to The Grief and whatever.#cant be functional if im feeling my grief 24/7 and unfortunately to turn off the grief i gotta kinda turn off my emotions overall.#a weird half-dissociation bc i can feel emotions?? but i cant really *feel* them. if that makes any sense at all.#like the difference between watching smth on TV vs experiencing it in person for myself. r#been watching these metaphorical cake shows but i think im starting to eat some metaphorical cake. maybe.#idk man id love to be able to write more. pleaaaase ive been trying Desperately to get ANYTHING to stick so i can get outta writers block#grief-associated writer's block is the worst. bleugh.
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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That post is still pretty active so i have to scroll past that guys bloated festering corpse every time i want to see someones new reply
#Listen to my problems#so im always thinking about it .... they were literally just trying to match my energy they were the most enthusiastic person on the post#i would almost feel bad but their opinions were so trash that i didnt know how to respond in a nice way. i tried really hard but i think you#just hate women. and then i see their idea for a femslash ship and yepp you hate women#lowkey some characters should come with a do not separate label or at lesst with the understanding that they will continue being the most#important people in each others lives even if they choose to date elsewhere ... if there is no ship that can beat canon then you must#be doing something wrong ... provide some better rationale idk ... some pairings feel very cheap and soulless because youve fundamentally#misunderstood the character ... but also im in constant agony because theyre the only person who mentioned kohahyo and i fCKING LOVEkohahyo#but they called it hyohaku so its over and we cant be friends#WHY DID THEY HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE ITS SO OVER COME ONNNNN GUYS#the whole reason i signalled for hetships is because i was waiting for kohahyo ... but nobody came ... except that one guy#and i blocked them for being enthusiastic and friendly because i found their opinions so revolting#huh actually thats another thing ... nobody has listed any really problematic ships yet but then again a good portion of people consider#TKSN to be problematic as if youve never broken the neck of your crush before whatever man. wait sorry this is a s/g hate post now hehe ! i#just remembered that s/g shippers like saying 'senku would never fall for his killer!' as rationale for why they refuse to ship it even#after season 2 (thats when they lost so they all doubled down instead of switching) oh my god wait i just thought of that one dj series#okay no i have to finish this thought before its gone. they sound like they dont even believe it because there ARE s/g enemies to lovers aus#out there so the enemies part isnt a real problem you guys just dont want to admit when youre beat honestly this is why early game ships are#so hard becsuse you never know if this guy is gonna be his parallel forever or only sometimes. so im thankful to stanxe for being tksns#parallel to keep it relevant and alive forever and ever and ever male anglerfish style. but yeah s/g fans have no real reason to hate tksn#because tsukasa is fucking awesome so they cant say hes not good enough for senku and thats why they keep parroting that line. even if ...#like if you know senkus character you already KNOW it doesnt matter shit nor fuck to him so the fake reason you gave is ooc and wrong also#but then again thats why theyre so happy because they have enough people to just do whatever they want. much like something else#i need to finish that fic for valentines day
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Y'know the fun thing abt how I've set up the society that the main stalien cast comes from is that even the most broad general trends across stalien societies tend to not apply to them. So everytime I yap about how most herds form and the general trends in their societies I just get to remember mid yapping that basically none of this will ever be evident or even come up in the main story. Damn isolated motherfuckers
#rat rambles#oc posting#eternal gales#Ive talked abt them before I think but long story short way back the area was both filled with a lot of different plantlife but also a lot#of animals including various predators and pests#and since the seasons in this region are a lost less comically opposed to eachother generally there was less diversity in terms of herd#specialties and migration cycles would tend to be on a smaller scale with less overlap between herds#as such one herd eventually went yknow what would be cool? if we just cut out the parts of the local ecosystem that annoyed us and caved in#the tunnels leading to the rest of the continents cave system so nothing we dont like gets in either!#which was such a bad idea they ofc immediately did it and were faced with about a billion crisis's over the course of forever because of it#starting with the overpopulation problem which lead to them bleeding into the surface and leading into the still ongoing famine#plus again like a bilion other problems over the course of a couple centuries#a lot of the fucked up shit going on in their society all are bandaid fixes to the bandaid fixes to the bandaid fixes of the original chaos#in particular theyre currently being hit hard by their corpse crisis thats been rapidly getting worse and worse#man if only there were organisms that specifically evolved to be able to assist with the breaking down and decomposition of stalien bodies#oh well. anyways lets kill more kids to solve this Im sure that will go well#again cannot emphasize enough that this society has been in an almost comical downward spiral for centuries its Bad#theres a lot more to it on a political level ofc but generally speaking most of the modern day struggles of this society stem from that#initial decision to gut the local ecosystem#now to be abundantly clear. this isnt the only society where shit is fucked. its not like the rest of stalienkind all live in utopias#plus the reason this society is so comically distopian is because well. its kind of on the verge of collapse.#with the way things are going they really dont have much more than a century or so at most before things fully cave in on themselves#technology has been allowing them to hang on by a thread but the ever growing food and general resoruce shortages have eaten away at the#foundations for so long that they again really don't have long before things start going Really badly#starvation is already carving at the working class and they aren't getting enough population intake to keep things up as they are#so either things will need to be wildly reformed like within the decade or shit is going to hit the fan real hard#to be clear Im sure the population wont be completely wiped out but the current society will be dead and gone#again not like right this second but likely within the next century#it wont be overnight but it sure will suck real bad for everyone#so yeah. a real downer but at least we wont have to watch all that happen in the comic. we can say its up to interpretation.
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I think about this line so much
ougghh found family trope how i love you so
#ash rambles 💚#like a flowing wind 🔳#his relationship with s.eonhee is my favorite thing ever. they're so cute! i like how loyal he is to her adjkahds he's like her guard dog#and i love how he's the first one to tell her to get up when she bows to the party in that one scene. he loves her and cares for her so much#and I'm glad the game says that they're more like siblings than a boss and her subordinate because they're so much deeper than that#they're really amazing. and s.eonhee is delightful too! my crush on her is gone now but she's very nice to my s/i and often tells j.oongi to#take time off work and go spend time with ash since she can tell that's what he wants.#she's the first one who could tell that j.oongi had a crush on ash and has been our number 1 fan since day one!#the first person who noticed that ash had a crush was The Bartender. he noticed the longing glances and the soft smiles before#even ash knew that she was in love with j.oongi#though the pictures of them on shopping sprees and S.eonhee making J.oongi carry all her bags#+ making him fan her while at the beach is very funny ajdhwjdh. poor guy- i.chiban wasnt far off when he made the butler comparison#I'm so glad that j.oongi has a family and friends now. his childhood was... rough. his father...#i will crawl down to hell myself just to beat his ass for what he did to his son#on another note. cramps.. shark week... hnggghh... If Ash ever needs medicine or a pad or something and doesn't have one on her#she usually just asks S.aeko but. I hc that J.oongi always carries around some menstrual products + painkillers wherever he goes#because of S.eonhee. and i think that's really cute#so if ash is ever feeling shitty he's got that shit on lock!!!!!!#speaking of. i need to lock in. i have a paper due tonight on a book....... I'm five pages in.#alright. time to throw my phone to the other side of the room and lock in until i fall over-#see ya on the other side!
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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Sorry-not-sorry I'm back on my normal 'Kevin and Argit were so small' bullshittery.
Because they fucking were. Kevin was twelve when Servantis tossed everybody, and Argit couldn't have been far off. They were middle school aged. 'Puberty would be starting about now if we weren't wandering the Null Void and therefor likely not eating near enough' aged.
A pair of children, with minimal education, no paperwork, no homes, no guardians. Wandering the Null Void and then the Milky Way, on their own. One a prime target for the slave trade, both prime targets for adults looking to take advantage of them (*coughcoughOttocoughcough*). With only as much security as they could provide themselves and each other. Only able to rely on themselves for the basic necessities of life.
And then this show has the audacity to try to tell me that they turned to crime due to poor morality. That they're money focused because they're just naturally greedy. That they don't trust people and look out for themselves because they're bad people that either will always be bad people or will only improve because of the power of Tennysons.
What options were there for them? What jobs are there in the Null Void? What jobs are there in the galaxy that'll hire barely-teens, if even that, with no paperwork or educations, that wouldn't ruin them as badly and pay worse than the crime they already had experience with? Will keep them fed and clothed and sheltered? When one of them already has a criminal record, for violent crimes at that? When there's nobody there to stop even the 'good' adults from taking advantage of them?
The show will sit there and tell you that Kevin's violent crimes were the result of a rough childhood, but he and Argit's non-violent ones? Totally on them, no excuse, wholly a matter of greed and not giving a shit about other people. Fucking bullshit. This is a pair of kids who had to grow up way too fast, up against an existence that saw at least one of them as easy profit, with nothing but themselves and each other, and no opportunities. They're a pair of traumatized kids who grabbed the opportunities available to them with both hands and were molded by the problems they faced.
Of course they're money-focused, unlike the Tennysons they don't and haven't had anybody making sure they had enough to get by. They've had to support themselves and live with the constant worry that something is going to go pear-shaped and they'll have nothing.
They spent years with anybody and everybody being a potential threat (even between the two of them, Argit's noting that Kevin's snapping while he worked for the Rooters was the worst he'd seen 'before or since' makes it quite clear he's seen him on and passed the edge at least as much if not more than we have), of course they're going to be slow to trust, quick to toss people aside, and unwilling to help their enemies without some sort of payout, they've been burned before.
Just- Damnit these two come from some shitty fucking situations, the effects they had on them are obvious if you bother to fucking look, and they both deserved better than the series just going "oh yeah they're assholes what do you expect they're criminals" and moving the fuck on. Like, for fuck's sake at least acknowledge that they're like this because life was a fucking lead pipe to the teeth to them! We know Kevin's situation was shit even before they met, we got to see it, but even if Argit had a perfectly good life beforehand (unlikely) the earliest we see him is being held captive for illegal experimentation purposes by law enforcement! These two have been through shit! At least acknowledge it!
Fuck, they could've replaced Color of Monkey with that, hitting on the differences between how Kevin and Argit adapted to their circumstances, give us upfront the Tennysons being a safety net that let Kevin heal (rather than just 'oh the Tennysons taught him morals because they're the Good People') while Argit's issues and lack of security kept him stagnant. It would go better with what we see of him over the course of OV leading up to the Rooters arc, and what we're shown in the Rooters arc. Give us him still being far from great or on the up-and-up but improving with the stability that comes with his 'hero' status, a repairing relationship with Kevin after that arc, and a flourishing, above-board business. Rather than backpedaling on any good the writers had thrown at him like they'd realized they were coming up against a cliff.
Shit that makes you want to get the writers by the shoulders and shake them mercilessly.
#the fact kevin's willingness to leave his enemies to their fates is treated as a character flaw resulting from his being immoral#rather than a result of the traumatic-ass shit he's been though and these enemies continue to put him through#we *really* needed a scene between him and gwen where it's made clear that just because she and ben choose to forgive people#doesn't mean kevin has to and that his desire not to help people who only want to hurt him is entirely reasonable#argit has gone through so much shit too and it was understandable it didn't get touched on in UAF because it hadn't been established#but OV has no fucking excuse#bastards really went 'argit is a more accepting partner than rook and selflessly saved a lot of people's lives at least once-#-and cares about kevin and went through so much trauma alongside him and is the wielder of the omnitrix in at least one parallel universe'#and then turned around and went 'but also he is actually an even worse person than UAF showed-#-no really we know we just showed him being the type to selflessly save lives-#-but he's totally down with kidnapping and selling small children to be eaten'#these boys deserve better#honest to fuck they had argit selling children as food directly after showing us how he was treated as a thing by adults as a child#when we know kevin was a victim of the same shit and that argit held it against at least servantis#when we could have had an episode where kids are going missing in Undertown and the heroes learn because Argit called them about it#when we could've had something hitting on he and kevin's trauma from the shit they went through alongside argit growth#as he at the very least refuses to let other little kids go through shit like he and kevin did#which would play well with what we see of him in the rooters arc#*and* what we see in The Purge when he's the one who responds to the FK bullshit not by fleeing the planet but by informing Team Tennyson#despite being shown to have the *ability* to flee#we'd even still get to see scary post-rooters 'don't fuck with me' argit it'd be great#missed fucking opportunities all over the damn place doing these boys dirty
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kind of frustrating that people took "fat does not equal unhealthy" to mean "fat is not unhealthy." sometimes being obese IS unhealthy & excess fat can cause a lot of problems. ignoring health issues isn't progressive. real "oranges kill people with depression" moment
#i have a lot to say but i think it all boils down to this:#the only reason people think this way is because they experienced body shaming & bullying for their fatness#& instead of gaining a healthy relationship with their body & its needs they went full denial mode#people that aren't fat that think this way are just going with things uncritically which is also bad btw#because when you have decades of proof that being severely overweight can be detrimental to your health#(& no i don't mean fucking. supersize me. i mean medical proof that too much fat causes diseases & early death)#but you're ignoring that because a tiktok influencer that has no medical experience said so#that is a huge lack of critical thinking skills on display & people are gonna listen to that misinformation & some might die#this isn't some light shit that can be waved off as non-harmful because it IS harmful! it is actively hurting people!!#again being unhealthy isn't a moral failing & no one deserves shit for that!! but that's the whole damn point isn't it!!!#militant fat activists are so afraid of their fatness being associated with anything negative they turn right around into ableism#they don't WANT to be considered disabled! because being disabled IS a moral failing to them. disability is abnormal#& of course being morbidly obese is totally normal. because if it wasn't then they'd need to do work & handle an ED#& that's too much to grapple with mentally so. no. they're normal. super normal. don't look at the lifespan of someone over 300lb#btw i am 100% aware that a lot of this is combined with other issues like racism sexism homo/transphobia genuine fatphobia#but also sometimes they really can't operate on someone that can't recover afterwards#like i wouldn't call the vet bigoted & cat-hating for being unable to operate on my 20yo cat#Minnie would simply not survive that. because she is so damn old#unfortunately for Minnie she can't get younger but people CAN lose weight in multiple different ways#& it may seem like the world is attacking you but you really have to train yourself out of automatic bad faith reactions#''you couldn't possibly understand!!'' yeah okay i'm sooo abled & privileged you got me there (<-sarcasm. if you couldn't tell)#just because someone hasn't experienced your EXACT thing doesn't mean they can't relate & haven't gone through similar#it's so difficult to train your brain out of that shit i get that but you really really really have to. or you will die#or at least be miserable#DISCLAIMER: i'm not talking about every person who has even a little fat on their body. fat is NEEDED#but like all things too much of a good thing can cause problems & fat is not exempt#this is about morbid obesity. not someone who's like 160lb that shit is normal#& people need to stop thinking anything over 110lb is fat#because it isn't & i think most people are getting into unhealthy territory at that low of a weight#basically i view being too fat the same as being too thin. they both cause health problems & should be taken seriously
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